#i question my life choices and have to remind myself that alfred Actually is just a silly fucking weirdo

[geddy-leesbian]

me: hmm should probably finish at least one of these seven (7) unfinished Serrennedy things before starting anything new

my brain: ok but what if instead of any of this Signals songfic trilogy?? Analog Kid songfic about Luis leaving amish spain, New World Man songfic covering Luis working for Umbrella, Digital Man about Leon and then converging into RE4

me: ok sounds like a plan

btw some day i will post that edit without the text if i haven't already i cant remember tbh

[marauderundercover]

This Side of Normal Ch. 10

AO3

Prev

Marinette glances around the silent table, willing Jason to say something. Or do something. Or even Dick. She needed one of them to start a conversation, because Adrien hated awkward silences. And if this silence went on much longer, he was definitely going to say something and then she would regret it. Horribly. 

“These rolls are purr-fect.” Adrien says, out of nowhere. Marinette lets out a groan, of course he’d skip straight ahead to the cat puns. Of course that’s where his freaking mind was tonight. 

“Aren’t they? I’d say Alfred’s cooking is pretty claw-some, myself.” Dick speaks up, grinning at Adrien. Marinette looks at him, wide eyed. 

“That’s it. I’ll find a new trapeze partner and a new best friend. Both of you are out of my life.” She deadpans, ignoring Adrien’s offended gasp. 

“But Bugaboo, who else would give you a hand with your crazy schemes?” Adrien asks, and Marinette turns to him, narrowing her eyes. 

“I swear to god if you take your arm off right now you will never find it again.” She threatens, pointing her fork at him from across the table. 

“But Mari, that joke needs the arm. It doesn’t work without it.” He pouts, she rolls her eyes and turns to Damian. 

“I apologize for him. He thinks he’s funny.” She says, turning her glance back at Adrien. “He’s wrong.” 

“Tt. I’m unbothered by his sense of humor. I have lived with Grayson for eight years. His humor is nothing compared to those horrors.” Damian quips, and Marinette swears his lips almost quirk into a smile. She snorts. 

“Guess I made the right choice in throwing Dick to the curb, huh?” She teases, ignoring Dick’s gasp and Adrien’s reassurance to the man. Honestly, who was the adult here? 

“It was for the best, Dupain-Cheng.” Damian says and Marinette winces slightly. The only person who called her by her last name (in regular conversation, anyway) was Chloe. And while the girl had long since given up full on bullying her, she still wasn’t Marinette’s best friend in the world. 

“You can call me Marinette, my last name is kind of a mouthful.” She says, trying to be nonchalant about it. She’d heard him refer to everyone else as their last name the entire evening. She didn’t want to make him uncomfortable, but him calling her Dupain-Cheng was going to make her uncomfortable in the long run. 

“Very well.” He says, and though he doesn’t say her name, she still counts it as a win. A throat clearing catches her attention and she glances at Jason who was glaring at Damian. 

“What’s up, Jay?” She asks, quirking an eyebrow. 

“Nothing Pixie Pop. Just thinking about the time you kicked the ass of that would be mugger.” He says, and Marinette frowns. Mugger? “You know, the one that was obsessed with you?” He clarifies, and she understands. Copycat had been reakumatized during Jason’s stay in Paris. And he had wanted nothing more than a date with Ladybug. Though, she couldn’t understand why he was bringing it up now. 

“I am so lost.” She admits, shaking her head at her pseudo-brother. He grins. 

“That’s fine, just sharing that you can kick ass with the table. In case someone wants to try something.” He says pointedly. Oh. He definitely caught the heart eyes she sent Damian back in the gym. Can he blame her, though? Her weakness was green eyes. And Damian’s were the greenest. 

“I did walk in on you hogtied, Todd. I assumed she was a reputable fighter after that.” Damian says, and Marinette blushes furiously. 

“I’m sorry, what happened?” Mr. Wayne asks, his vapid (and fake) smile replaced with a faux look of bewilderment. She briefly wondered if it was exhausting, putting on a constant act, until she remembered how tired she was throughout collège, before she started lycée and decided she didn’t really care. Yeah, acting constantly was tiring. But why did he do it? Jason nudges her lightly and she blinks, focusing back on the conversation. 

“Oh, Jason and I sparred. He apparently had forgotten that I use my surroundings to my advantage and that Adrien is always on my side.” She explains, shooting Jason a smug smile. Jason huffs. 

“Not always.” He says, and Marinette raises an eyebrow, crossing her arms and giving him a challenging look. 

“Oh really? Name one time that Adrien took your side instead of mine.” She challenges. She grins as Jason starts to think, obviously wracking his brain. 

“Earlier today!” Adrien pipes up, and she immediately turns to him, glaring. 

“What?” She asks, confused. What had- oh. Of fucking course. “That doesn’t count!” She protests, narrowing her eyes. 

“Why not?” Adrien asks, raising an eyebrow in a challenge. She scoffs. 

“Because it wasn’t a fight or argument or anything. It was a joke.” She says. 

“Are you talking about the adoption shit, cause that was definitely not a joke. All the kids B adopts definitely have trauma and certain features.” Jason cuts in, and Marinette sighs. Of course he would clue in. 

“But- no. No. That was a fluke. A glitch in the matrix, obviously. You literally cannot name a singular other time. And technically, ya big jerk, you didn’t even name this time. Adrien did.” Marinette points out, glaring at Jason. 

“I’m sorry, how long have you three known each other?” Mr. Wayne cuts in again, and this time- this time- she sees that some of the confusion on his face is real. But it looks odd, like he wasn’t used to expressing a real emotion. She really needed to remind herself to talk to Jason about this later. She didn’t necessarily want to make it a habit to stick billionaire fathers with asshole tendencies in jail, but she would. She’d do it for her boys. Any day of the week. She hums in thought, adding up the time. The anniversary of Gabriel’s defeat had been a few weeks ago, which meant-

“We’ve known Jason for just over a year.” She says, before glancing at Adrien and grinning. “But I’ve been stuck with this goof for four years.”

“You know you love me.” Adrien says with a wide grin. She rolls her eyes. 

“How exactly did you meet Jason?” Mr. Wayne asks, and she kind of wants to throw her fork at him. What was it, interrogate the random kids at dinner night? Though, to be fair, they were random kids in his house. But she refused to like the man until she’d talked to Jason about the potential assholeish tendencies. 

“He helped me learn some self defence after I got caught up in an akuma attack.” Marinette lies smoothly. Well, it was technically a half truth. But the Waynes didn’t need to know that she was always caught up in akuma attacks. 

“Akuma?” Mr. Wayne asks, and Marinette glances at Jason with a frown. Had he not told his father about anything? Not even the basics? 

“Wait, is that what the thing that flooded Paris is called?” Dick asks suddenly and Marinette nearly flinches from the memory. That was one of the akumas that still gave her nightmares. One of the ones that was burned in the back of her eyelids when all she wanted was to sleep. And not think about bloated corpses and dead classmates for one goddamn minute. She lets out a steadying breath, glancing at Jason whose face had changed from annoyance to concern. She resists the urge to roll her eyes. She could talk about akumas. It was the past. Sure, she had refused all of the therapy options her parents gave her and Adrien, but she didn’t need it. She was fine. 

“Yeah. Technically, her akumatized name was Siren. But, the general term for those attacks was ‘akuma’.” She says, gripping her fork a little tighter than necessary, grounding herself with Tikki’s reassuring nudges from inside her purse. 

“There were more?” Dick asks, his eyes wide. Marinette glances at Jason and raises an eyebrow. Why had he not said anything? He’d been there for an entire month of Hawkmoth’s reign. He’d seen dozens of akuma attacks. Jason shrugs. Thank Jay. Super helpful. 

“When you get down to it, there were probably hundreds if not thousands more. Some people, like Siren, were turned into the same akuma several times. Some people became a different akuma when they were akumatized again. I think it just depended on the person or their issue.” Marinette explains, hating how dry her mouth felt all of a sudden. She could talk about this. She could. So why was everything a little too bright? Why was the sound of forks against plates a little too loud? 

“Did the Justice League stop it?” Damian asks, though by his tone, he seems to already know the answer. Odd. 

“No, the local heroes did. Ladybug and Chat Noir.” Marinette says, ignoring the constricting feeling in her chest. 

“Why-” Mr. Wayne starts, but Jason clears his throat. Everyone glances at him, and Marinette is unsurprised to see the flicker of anger in his eyes. Especially after she glances at Adrien and sees how pale he’s gotten. She kicks him lightly under the table to get his attention, frowning at him in a silent question. He nods, slightly. She purses her lips, not believing for a second that he was actually okay. But they could talk later. Away from eager ears. 

“I’m sure you remember what Dick said about my phone call from when I first arrived in Paris. Marinette and Adrien dealt with attacks like that interrupting their day to day lives from thirteen to sixteen. I get that you’re not the best at knowing when to drop the damn topic, but I really think you should drop the damn topic.” Jason says, and though he’s smiling, Marinette can see the danger behind it. The warning. ‘Drop it, or I’ll make you��. 

“My apologies, it was just so interesting.” Mr. Wayne says and this time Marinette winces at the falseness in his voice. And the smile on his face. God, this man could not have lasted a day in Hawkmoth’s Paris. 

---

Finally, finally, dinner was over. After the akuma talk ceased, it was extremely awkward. Mr. Wayne looked like he would rather be anywhere else. And Marinette couldn’t blame him, wanting nothing more than to get back to her hotel room and away from the constant lack of real emotion on the eldest Wayne’s face. It was tiresome, just watching him. 

“Thanks again, for having us.” Marinette says, mostly directing her comment to Dick and Alfred. Alfred just nods. 

“Of course! Come back any time. Really soon, actually, so we can work more on the trapeze. I can’t lose my new trapeze buddy.” Dick says with a wide smile. Marinette holds back a sigh, nodding instead. She liked Dick, she did. But she’d definitely have to make sure that Mr. Wayne wouldn’t be around. She still wasn’t sure what to think of him. 

“You should also spar with me, some time.” Damian speaks up and Marinette blinks in surprise. 

“Spar. With...you?” She says, tilting her head in confusion. That came out of nowhere. 

“Yes. You took down Todd easily, and I am far superior. You would actually have a challenge if we sparred.” He says. She smirks, and suddenly, with a burst of confidence she didn’t know she had, says:

“Sure thing, Pretty boy.” Before turning and walking straight out the door. The second she’s outside, she drops her head into her hands. “I can’t believe I just said that.” She mumbles under her breath. 

“Pretty boy?” Adrien says with a smirk, she glares at him and moves down the front steps. 

“Fuck you.” She says, no real venom in her voice. The boy knew how she got around crushes. He’d seen it firsthand. With him. With Luka. With Kagami. With the girl with bright green eyes who worked at the coffee shop across the street from the bakery. She was an absolute disaster. He was worse, but still. He wasn’t the one with the quickly developing crush on the youngest Wayne. 

“Pretty boy?” Jason asks, a scowl on his face as he catches up to the two. 

“Not another word, Jason.” She scowls at him, crossing her arms defiantly. He holds his hands up in surrender. 

“Sure.” He says. Her mind rushes suddenly to her previous thought. Youngest Wayne. Damian Wayne. Hadn’t Lila- she snorts, before erupting into uncontrollable laughter, ignoring the worried looks from Adrien. 

“I- oh my god, Jay.” She manages to say, straightening up and following Jason to the car he was borrowing to drive them back to the hotel.

“I’m completely lost.” He says.

“Join the club.” Adrien adds, and Marinette just laughs again. 

“Your little brother is Damian Wayne.” She says, as if it should be obvious. Jason doesn’t get it, and neither does Adrien. But after a moment-

“Oh my god, that’s hilarious!” Adrien cries, letting out a chuckle. Jason huffs as the trio get into the car. 

“Care to share with the class?” He asks, and Marinette snorts. 

“Absolutely not, I dislike the majority of those people.” She says, referring to the group who was hopefully already in their rooms and not in the lobby of the hotel. “Now it’s funny that your brother is Damian Wayne because Lila made us come to Gotham instead of New York and London, because she’s dating him.” She explains and Jason scoffs. 

“Yeah right.” 

“Obviously she’s not actually dating him, Jay. But it’s freaking hilarious that she thinks she’s gonna get away with it. He definitely goes to Gotham Academy, and people are definitely going to call her out.” She says, not even trying to hide the absolute glee she’s feeling. If there was ever a time for all of Lila’s lies to come crashing down around her, now would be good. When she can’t just run away and claim Marinette set it up. If people Marinette didn’t even know called Lila out, well, that would be irrefutable evidence, right? 

“Her regime is gonna topple and I’m gonna take you guys out for ice cream to celebrate.” Jason declares and Marinette laughs again. She was so against the idea of Gotham originally, but now, with Jason at their sides again, she’d decided that it wasn’t so bad. Suddenly remembering what had been on her mind most of the night, she turns to Jason. 

“Jay, I have a serious question. And I know it’s a little hard to talk about but just know that we’re here for you to support you, and that we’ll figure out a way to make sure you and your brothers are safe and-” 

“Whoa, Pix, calm down kiddo. You’re rambling again.” He says gently, furrowing his eyebrows. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and turns to put his full attention on the two. “What’s bothering you?” He asks. 

“Is Mr. Wayne abusive?” She asks and Jason blinks. “I saw how hesitant you were to call him your father, and you were tense around him a lot of the night. And I don’t think the man had one legitimate expression all night. He was acting the whole time.” Marinette says, looking at him worriedly. “Look, Jay, I don’t necessarily want to make a habit of putting billionaires in jail, but I’d do it for you.” 

“Is he- you would-” Jason stops and lets out a breath, obviously trying to compose himself. “No, kiddo, he’s not.” He finally says. Marinette frowns. 

“Really?” She asks, and he sighs. 

“Yeah, look. Our relationship has been...rough, for a couple years. We had a sort of falling out when I was a teenager and I stopped talking to him for several years. We reconnected a while ago, but it’s still rocky at times. I don’t usually call him dad or father or anything. He’s just Bruce, or B, to me.” Jason explains and Marinette nods, letting out a small sigh of relief. 

“I was worried, Jay.” She admits, and Jason grins at her before pulling away from the curb again. 

“I didn’t even catch on.” Adrien says with a frown. Marinette rolls her eyes, smiling at him with fondness. 

“Course you didn’t Kitty. Reading people isn’t really your strong suit.” She says with a small smile. He huffs, but nods in agreement. 

“True.” He says and Marinette laughs. She could officially take Bruce Wayne off her ‘threat to be dealt with immediately’ list and move him to ‘possible future annoyance’ list. A big improvement for the man, and it would mean she wouldn’t be as tense around him the next time she saw him.

Next

Tag list: @toodaloo-kangaroo @laurcad123 @kittenmywaythrulife @lost-in-the-world-of-maribat @queenz-z @daminette-56

[miss-choco-chips]

Umm... I was wondering if you could Maybe do a follow up on your mini fic Last Line from dicks pov? It gave me alot of feelings and i would love to see the fallout?

Your work is really good! Its so cool how your brave enough to put pieces of yourself out there for other people!

Hey babe! Thank you for your kind words! It made me smile getting this, you are very sweet <3

I totally forgot about Last Line lol, but when I saw it reminded me that I actually wrote a bit more of it, both before and after the scene I posted. So, this isn’t exactly what you asked, but here’s some backstory and then the fallout!

---.---

Four years old, and he watches the red string on his finger pulled taunt towards the crying boy, the color of the thread well disguised among the red blood of the murdered acrobats.

Nine, and he watches from the shadows as it swings right and left, following Robin’s pirouettes from building to building. The thread, that usually goes a few feet before ‘vanishing’ from sight, was almost completely visible now, at such a short distance from the person holding onto its other end.

He’s on his twelve when he tries to explain to Dick the importance of him going back home. He wasn’t sure of his success, even though the older hero took him to the manor, because during his whole speech, Nightwing hadn’t looked up from the red joining them together. It wasn’t exactly how Tim wanted him to find out, but… Batman needed a Robin, and he was out of options.

At fourteen, he feels Kon’s hand clenching on his shoulder, as they both watch from the side how Nightwing swept Barbara off her feet and twisted her around, laughter falling from both their lips even as Dick thread’s end was pointing towards Tim. The third Robin didn’t turn to look at his best friend, didn’t meet Bart’s eyes or react to Cassie taking his hand on hers. He just made sure his face was perfectly devoid of any emotion when he muttered, low enough only a kryptonian would hear, ‘I wish it was any of you’. 

(A few nights later, when he and Conner were sitting quietly on the Tower’s roof, the clone took Tim’s hand with his own, his lack of red string blatantly obvious as he said ‘If I had any, I wish it could be you’. To this day, it’s the sweetest thing anyone ever said to him)

He is so, so tired, and he’s only sixteen. But keeping up with the shitfest that was the Battle for the Cowl, helping Dick while ignoring his red string (pulling him towards Nightwing, now Batman, stark contrast against the dark of his suit, with distracting insistency), dealing with Damian’s abuse as expected of him as the ‘mature, older brother’, coping with Bruce’s death, the shock of Dick throwing him, his soulmate, away so so easily…

(Shouldn't be surprising; Dick had been discarding him in favor of others since they met, shamelessly displaying his various relationships in front of him with an attitude that might be called cruel from anyone else but that just earned him playful shoves from other Leaguers while Tim was expected to swallow his pain, because a red string isn’t a promise, Dick is free… and yes, he knows that, but it doesn’t mean shit to his dying heart)

(Maybe, when he left for proof of Bruce being alive, it wasn’t so much for his old mentor than it was for himself)

----.----

Tim is seventeen and halfway across the world, looking at the string attached to his hand that never truly meant anything to any other than him (not to Bruce, who never took Dick aside and talked to him about consideration with his soul mate; not Dick's conquers, who never gave a fuck  about the red string in the hands that touched their skin, even when a lot of them knew who was on the other end of it; not Dick himself, who after asking every thing out of Tim and having it, forcefully took the one thing Tim wouldn't give by choice and claimed Tim was his equal, his soulmate, so he never could be his sidekick... even if it was the first time ever that Dick even mentioned the string tying them both together), when he thinks 'you were always free; now, I'm freeing myself’.

He gingerly bites on the string, and with his other hand takes a handful of it and pulls.

The pain piercing his heart is expected, but not new. He had been feeling it since the first time he saw Dick's back as he walked away with someone else.

He times it carefully, too. He doesn't think Dick would care, but just in case, Tim waits until it's morning in Gotham, when he's sure Dick is probably sleeping after patrol.

Maybe he would wake up without noticing

---.---

In Gotham, Dick is carried by Alfred and Damian to the cave, when the new Batman's screams of pain woke everyone in the Manor up. They are suspecting cardiac arrest, and then Dick looks down to his hand and notices the string, always tense, signaling him where his north is, where Tim is, laying loose and lifeless.

He panics, asks Superman to track Tim down or something, and when the man confirms Tim is still alive somewhere in the Middle East, he knows.

And like a freight train, the parting words Kori told him the last time they saw each other hit him right in the chest.

"He isn't going to wait for you forever"

----.-----

When Tim does come back, at nineteen, it’s a quiet thing. 

He spent the last how many days carefully setting his systems up, making sure his mainframe would outstand Oracle’s scrutiny when she realized he was back in town and tried to hack her way into his life.

(He didn’t blame her, of course not. Dick was charming enough, good enough, anyone he set his eyes into would be helpless to nothing but fall in his arms.

And, wasn’t Tim the one who would have been intruding, had he tried to chase after the first Robin? Everyone knew he and the original Batgirl were a perfect match, thousands of times better than Tim, whom Fate just wanted to screw over.

But not anymore)

The first thing he did, once the safe houses were chosen and his programs up and running, was to ruthlessly hack into the Batcomputer and take a look at patrol routes. 

He would need to keep clear of Diamond District and Old Gotham, least he risked crossing paths with B and R. The Financial and City Hall Districts were apparently Batgirl’s playground for the night, and if he wanted to drop by and let Cass know he was back, he could always search for her by the Upper West Side down to Chinatown.

He would avoid the Upper East Side like the plague, though. Maybe Coventry too, just to be safe. Lots of skintight blue in that direction.

Which left… Crime Alley, the Bowery and Burnley, mainly. He needn't check to know who’s house that was.

And that’s how he ended, on his very first night back on the streets, dragging Red Hood’s bleeding ass away from a blowing up building.

-----.-----

Apparently, saving a recently rehabilitated murderous vigilante was a bonding experience, because Jason didn’t kick him out of his side of town, nor tell on him. 

He couldn't, however, do anything to prevent the criminal gossip mile from spreading, and before a week had passed, half the city was aware of the new player on the board.

-----.------

Jason was taking a breather, smoking while sitting on his favorite rooftop, when the rustling sound of fabric told him his peace and quiet was over.

“I thought you were back at being N”, he greeted, not bothering to turn around or get up. 

“B was out of town, and Robin needed someone to watch over him during patrol.”

A quick glance around had Hood snorting, “Then y’re doing a shitty job. Don’t see the midget anywhere.”

It would never NOT be weird to hear a strangled laugh coming out of the Bat suit, as tight and humorless as it was now. It seemed big ol Dick wasn’t doing so great tonight.

“Batgirl took him to a party in Diamond District. Gang war.”

He humms in response, not bothering to keep on the smalltalk. N, no, B was here for something, and it wasn’t Jason’s job to ask it out of him; if it was important, he would do it himself.

“Where is him, Hood?”, he finally went to the heart of the matter. 

Jason tilted his head, still looking over his city, unmindful of the steps coming closer to his position, “Robin? Ya just said it, B. Going senile? Gang war, wasn’t it?”

“Don’t play around. You know I mean…”

Oh, yeah, Dickie still wasn’t sure what to call Timbo. Criminal gossip only went so far, for someone who didn’t bother to shout his hero name to everyone he beat up. It was very possible only  Jason was aware of his new monicker. All gothamites knew was a young vigilante showed up recently, wearing red and black and hanging out with the Hood, which immediately upped his street rep to ‘not to be fucked with’.

“Lil red?”, he completed for his older brother, feeling both charitable and petty. Batman’s wince was more evident by the rustling sound of his cape; he had hit a sore spot, hadn’t he? 

“Where? I’m not asking again.”

“Good, ‘cause I’m not answering. Must be ‘roundere somewhere, the little creep.”

“Hood, I’m running out of patience.”

“And I’m out of cigarettes, your point? I don’t have him on a leash asshole. We just share the same hunting space, it’s not like we go home together and do face masks while we talk about feelings.”

They did go to a safespot, though, and share beer and pizza while cursing their relatives and Fate as a whole, but it wasn’t necessary information for the fucker. He just breathed in the last of his smoke before dropping the cigarette butt and stepping on it, stretching as he did.

“Now, any more of this riveting conversation, or can I go? No, wait, it was a rhetorical question; get out of my part of town, ass. I’ve been plenty generous by letting you come this far, but our truce lasts as long as the lot of you don’t build any sandcastles on my playground and you know it. Now, scram.”

He could feel Dick’s reticence at leaving without what he came here for, but Oracle must be talking him into letting it be for tonight, because he didn't push. Jason turned just in the right moment to catch the way Dick looked down to his gloved hand, as if expecting the lifeless red string to be pulled taunt in Tim’s direction by some miracle. Jason felt the smallest ping of pity, quickly washed away by the memory of the younger hero’s haunted eyes as he told Jason the story of his severed soul bond and how he came to do it.

Thirty seconds after the bat vanished into the night, a little red bird landed softly on the spot next to him.

“Thanks, Hood”, he muttered, just as tired and hurting as he’d been ever since he saved Jason’s ass and they became partners, but with the smallest hint of lightness that made him prouder of driving Dick away than he’d ever been.

“Don’t mention it, but fair warning, the big B scomin back home in a few days, and he’s harder to kick out than a hurting, annoying bluebird.”

“I know”, Tim sighed, well aware of both facts. “I’ll play it by ear. For tonight, what about bashing some skulls and ruining Two Face’s new op? Good intel says it’s just a few blocks from here, and shattering bones always makes you smile.”

“Babybird, you speak the language of love.”

“Wasn’t that french?”

“I’m trying to compliment you, don’t be a smart ass about it.”

“I am smart, and I do have a good ass. That seems like an impossible request.”

----.----

[bigskydreaming]

Also if people instinctively reaching for their “its just my interpretation” arguments as a rebuttal to that post about issue #416 could just not, I’d super appreciate it, thaaaaaanks.

See, the problem I have with that is like....no its not. Its really really not. If your fic or your meta is otherwise DIRECTLY referencing specific story beats of that specific ISSUE, like Dick not having talked to Bruce in over a year, or Dick not knowing Jason even existed until he saw it on the news, or Dick leaving Jason his phone number, or anything of the like.....it is not at all unreasonable for me to expect you to acknowledge the story beats of that very same issue that all of those things are written IN RESPONSE TO. 

You can yell at me about how the firing is just a retcon til the cows come home, but y’know what? It was a retcon that was reiterated IN THAT VERY SAME ISSUE. In it, Dick reiterated what the firing looked like from his perspective, how he waited around for two weeks for Bruce to change his mind before packing up and leaving with opportunities for Bruce to say something every step of the way....THAT is the SPECIFIC sequence of events that Dick’s anger about all of this comes from.

So its extremely disingenuous to try and pair that anger with the pre-Crisis ‘better version’ of events where Dick gives up being Robin all on his own and becomes Nightwing while still on good terms with Bruce...because that version of events has its OWN corresponding aftermath that was written in direct response to THOSE character choices. Like the aftermath where right after becoming Nightwing, Dick turns around and offers Robin to Jason himself, as he of course is already well acquainted with Jason by then. See, that’s kinda part of why Dick and Bruce are on such better terms in that version of events. It has a lot to do with Bruce not adopting a whole other son without so much as a phone call to let Dick know his family had expanded.

Now you can mix and match to your heart’s content, that has NEVER been in question. Especially since as so often said, its a fandom past time to take a match to canon and watch it burn. You don’t have to adhere to aaaaaanything you don’t want to.

BUT.

If you want to talk about INTERPRETING the canon? That is subject to a different set of standards. Because you’re acknowledging that the source material exists as a point of RELEVANCE to you.....and the fact is....the source material is the SAME for everyone discussing it. Now, people can and do have different interpretations of that same material, this is obviously true. But ACTUAL. GENUINE. DISCUSSION of it.....requires that all parties at least discuss those interpretations in good faith, and make an honest attempt to address the material as it is.

And that is not what happens in this fandom. Because you damn well KNOW that for all your talk of the firing just being a retcon......its still the specific version of events the “Dick being mad about Bruce giving Robin to Jason” thing is directly meant to reference and BUILD off of. Retcon or not, it is indisputably the FOUNDATION upon which the other character choices of that very same issue are built atop of.

Because there is another version of events, yes. The pre-Crisis version where Dick gives up Robin. But as I said, that version DOES NOT HAVE Dick angry or resentful....because a key component of it is that all three of them, Bruce, Dick and Jason, are already a family in spirit. There’s a true succession of Robin from Dick passing it down to Jason.

And a lot of you guys know this too. Especially the ones most likely to reach for that “let us have our interpretation!” arguments. Because the Dick Grayson corner of fandom has posted about it a LOT. In fact, we kinda churn out a crap ton of content for this fandom. Headcanons, ficlets, informative posts, etc. And there’s a very curious phenomenon that exists.....

Literally anything I or certain other DG fans post that is inclusive of the whole family, or does not reference any specific event that’s infamous within fandom for pitting Dick against another Batfam member in a ‘who was right, discuss” kinda way.....that tends to circulate WIDELY in fandom. We’re talking upwards of a thousand notes, regularly.

In comparison.....the informative posts that are chock full of panels pointing out how canon actually goes in these specific instances.....tend to top out at a couple hundred max. Its pretty much just fellow DG stans who reblog them. Everyone else, despite them going through the same initial routes of circulation....are very good at pretending they don’t see them.

Because see, misinformation - and make no mistake, that is what we’re talking about here - RELIES on a lack of like.....actual information provided to the contrary to thrive. 

For instance, if it were as common knowledge that in the pre-Crisis version of Dick becoming Nightwing, he makes Jason Robin himself, as it is say.....that the firing Dick as Robin story is ‘just a shitty retcon’......people might start to ask in greater numbers, like, okay, so why DON’T more people write Dick making Jason into Robin after giving it up himself? Why have Dick so bitter at Bruce and/or Jason, if in the only version where Dick gives up Robin, Dick passes it on himself? If you’re gonna go with the one, why not the other?

Because we all know damn well that’s not a difference in interpretation. That’s a conscious CHOICE to TRANSFORM the source material by stitching together two different sides of a cause and effect chasm. The events transpiring after Dick finds out Bruce made Jason Robin himself ARE NOT MEANT to reference the inciting event of Dick giving up Robin himself. You can make that happen, sure. But you have to MAKE it happen. There is no point in the comics where you can honestly, genuinely point to the comics and say this right here shows Dick being mad about this, where ‘this’ is Bruce giving Robin to Jason SPECIFICALLY after Dick gave Robin up, rather than being fired.

A choice has to be made there, for that to happen, if one has the ACTUAL information about how that really played out in the comics rather than just misinformation. And not everyone in fandom trusts everyone else to make the choices they would like them to make with the source material, do they?

After all, isn’t that the REAL root of all this?

See.....its no secret to any of us that nobody’s been all that happy with the actual comics aka source material in years. Meaning most of fandom, myself included, is here for meta and fics based on previously written comics, or our own adaptations of the material.

And fandom, being interactive, unlike canon.....is something that CAN be influenced by other fans.

So why don’t we all just stop fucking pretending that we’re not all trying to influence what the overarching fandom narratives are, shall we?

Oh, you can say this is just me projecting, but I’ve got plenty of instances of hypocrisy to point to that say otherwise. And THAT is the true source of my hostility in so many posts in this fandom.

Because its the very same people who loudly cry “let people have their headcanons” and “let people have their interpretations” and “stop trying to tell people there’s only one true version of canon to go off of” who NEVER. EVER. fail to show up on posts like that last one, the SECOND they start to circulate ‘too widely’ throughout fandom. There is ALWAYS someone waiting in the wings the minute a post like that starts to top a couple hundred notes, ready and raring to shoot it down with some kind of derailment or condescending reminders to everyone who might see it that ‘that’s just a bad retcon for people obsessed with misery porn’ or something like that.

And what exactly should we be calling that? When people show up every single time I make a post about the importance of Robin as a name to Dick, in order to make a big stink about how it being his mother’s name for him is just a retcon? Even though....did I say it wasn’t? Does it being a retcon mean it doesn’t exist? Am I not allowed MY interpretation of a story that very much does exist in canon, am I not allowed to reference other stories where that specific retcon is specifically linked to?

Or how about if I say, post a headcanon about Alfred getting snippy with Bruce about not reaching out to Dick after he leaves home, where within the headcanon itself I specifically reference a clear version of the story where Dick is fired and its eighteen months before he and Bruce speak again? Does this story not exist in canon? Am I not allowed to base stuff of it? It would seem not, given the way people jumped to derail that one by adding in additions about Dick being upset with Bruce about college, which is an entirely different continuity that in no way intersects with the specific events I reference, where they’re estranged for a clear reason that is directly raised within the headcanon itself. People even acknowledge “OP is entitled to any version of continuity they want” in that one, but are like....this one is wrong though, and true fans prefer the one that isn’t just misery porn meant to validate Dick’s teenage angst. With people all too happy to reblog that one while gleefully pointing out the tags that completely derail the post about a clear point in canon by making it entirely about another unrelated point in a different continuity in order to invalidate the initial headcanon or whatever.

Don’t even get me started on when we dare reference stories where Bruce is actually physically abusive to Dick, or when we link Dick’s actions in stories that acknowledge the emotional abuse or neglect of certain key moments in his life TO those inciting moments directly and say “hey its kinda shitty to act like Dick was just being a standoffish brat here when Dick’s attitude is actually directly based on the last time he and Bruce interacted being when Bruce told him to get out and leave his keys.” LOLOL nooooo, that’s not allowed to stand, because see, the ONLY possible reason we could have for even CONSIDERING those stories in character or in continuity, is because of the aforementioned addiction to misery porn or else because we’re just trying to smear Bruce to make our own fave look better.

Never mind that another popular refrain for a lot of the people I’m talking about here is “you don’t know what people are thinking or why they like the things that they like” so, y’know. It is a tad irritating to see that double standard applied, like I mean. Just speaking personally, I’m a survivor of childhood physical and sexual abuse with a lifetime’s worth of C-PTSD and permanent estrangement from my abusive family, so like....those stories where Dick is abused by a figure he never thought would hurt him and now has to reconcile that with still loving and admiring that very same person and still wanting to be family.....like, hey guess what, those themes are part of why his character resonates for me in particular and so they’re kiiiiiinda key for me to explore for a lot of reasons. And given that this fandom looooooves to talk about some people writing dark shit to cope, I find it veeeeeery curious that people are so willing to shut the fuck up and say nothing about incest, rape and pedophilia fics even if they don’t like them themselves......but will still come out of the woodwork to condescend about there being absolutely no valid reason for anyone to ever engage with content where Bruce is abusive even just in one singular instance.....nah. Its literally just cuz of the misery porn addiction.

But see.....the thing at the heart of all this is the simple fact that this hypocrisy doesn’t exist just for the sake of hypocrisy. It exists because we actually all DO know how much power and influence fans can have in an interactive environment like fandom.

After all, the entire reason that Dick Grayson fans are so often posting informative panel-filled posts about what ACTUALLY happens in canon stories that are DIRECTLY cited in many meta, fanfics and headcanons, just.....in a totally backwards way that just so happens to fail to mention that its not intended to be an accurate depiction of the canon its definitely mentioning its in reference to....

The entire reason for this is because of how thoroughly fandom has crafted a specific narrative for Dick Grayson’s character that is based PURELY on their own characterization wants and needs and has very little to do with the actual canon of the character.

Its not a coincidence that so many fans just so happen to genuinely, truly believe that Dick was a grade A asshole to Jason while he was Robin, and there’s a wealth of canon out there somewhere to back it up. No, this happened because of fanFIC narratives where this is the case, and these catching on, and being encouraged by the initial writers of this trope and its fans and so on and so forth until it became the overarching fandom narrative and not only didn’t require any canon basis to be so....it barely ALLOWED for any talk of the contrary. Dick Grayson stans had to yell and churn out posts like that last one for YEARS to make a DENT in this fanon conviction, and do NOT even approach me about it being an issue of tone and ‘if we’d only asked politely’ because lol. No. We did. You can find the clear shift in the tone of my posts from when I first re-entered the fandom years ago to when I just got frustrated with the willful avoidance of WHY so many fans like myself are so annoyed by certain fandom convictions......and even then, it was about the hypocrisy. It was about how loudly other people crow about letting them have their headcanons while literally shouting down ANY post we made about wanting space to just have our CANON-canon.

Pro-tip: that thing where if you just ignore someone long enough on a certain point, they’ll inevitably start to get frustrated and then you can point to their tone as being the problem and claim that was the issue all along? Yeah. Its not slick. This fandom didn’t invent it. Its always very transparent, and very obnoxious. 

But the point is.....fandom absolutely has the ability to override canon narratives with their own version that’s then formative for new entrants to the fandom who never even BOTHER with the source material and just are here for the fic. And so its dishonest as FUCK for people to not only MAKE no distinction between what’s genuinely their interpretation of the canon and what’s their transformation of it, with INTENT......but to weaponize fandom’s aversion to content-criticism to shout down even ATTEMPTS to introduce discussion of the actual source material by claiming oh you’re just trying force your preferred narrative on everyone else. Aka that thing THEY’RE actually doing themselves by once attaining a fandom wide narrative they like, maintaining a stranglehold on it and doing their best to dissuade any narratives to the contrary staking a claim alongside that.

Because again, it all comes back to the fic. See, as a Dick Grayson fan, I’ve made no secret of the fact that I turn to fic for what I can’t get from canon...and its frustrating as hell to see writers that loudly talk of being BETTER than canon and “RIP to canon but my Batfam loves each other” in a lot of cases DELIBERATELY make Dick in particular look WORSE.....and then act like they have no idea what we’re talking about when we try and tell fans who take these narratives at face value that uh, they’re lacking some extremely relevant context and nuance. Or in some cases, outright facts.

And I will happily laugh loudly in the face of anyone who tries to claim that they don’t feel similarly about fics that characterize their own faves in ways they don’t like.

Yeah, try telling me that after years of some of you writing fics that specifically exclude all reference to the events of Nightwing #30 when talking about Dick’s death or Spyral.....while still including every in canon instance of people bagging on Dick for what he only did in canon because of Bruce’s abusive writing. There’s kinda a vested interest in keeping fandom relatively free of talk of Nightwing #30 then.....because weirdly, people who write about a DIFFERENT take that’s not hostile to Dick seem to end up putting the blame on Bruce for that situation. Bizarre, I know. People attributing blame to the character who was actually abusive in the canon and being cranky that the victim of said abuse is held up as the sacrificial lamb in everyone else’s fics? Whodathunkit.

(Also a point of irritation - it never had to be just one or the other. This is where the whole ‘maybe its YOU guys who were projecting all along when you said the only reason we could have for talking about Bruce’s abuse was an intent to smear the character’ bit is a thing. See, fun fact: if you were going to ignore an issue or two in order to completely flip the narrative of what really happened with Spyral and dominate the fandom landscape for a couple of years....it never had to be Nightwing #30 that was the ONLY issue you could leave out in order to not make Bruce look like an abusive asshat. Like, there was always another option right there in front of you. You could have instead chosen to also leave out Grayson #12, aka the one where Dick informs everyone else he’s alive.....then you could very easily just sliiiiiide in reference to Bruce and Dick quietly informing the whole family of his status and his mission while insisting on keeping it quiet for his safety. Voila. NOBODY has to be an asshole then, and the whole family gets to be in the know. But see, most people didn’t actually have a problem with someone being an asshole in that story. They just didn’t want it to be Bruce, and didn’t mind it being his actual victim. 

Even though, lol, just another FYI.....abuse victims having things flipped on them so it looks like they’re the true problem and their abusers are completely innocent is a HUGE thing that happens a lot in real life, so FYI about that FYI.....anyone who does say, gravitate towards Dick Grayson specifically because of how he’s impacted or might be impacted by abuse from his father, like.....is proooooobably not going to have a super fun time with diehard commitment to making this particular fictional character the true mastermind of his family’s misery and abusive instead of the abused. Weird huh.)

And round and round it goes. Where it ends, nobody knows.....because it doesn’t. fucking. stop. The number of ways in which fandom has willfully flipped the narrative so that Dick is the aggressor instead of the aggrieved is just absolutely ridiculous. This guy has been punched by every member of his family except Duke and Alfred, and somehow he’s the one characterized as uncomfy to be around because of how volatile he is. This guy is the only one who has actually been KICKED OUT of the manor, and somehow that gets glossed over and considered out of character while he apparently definitely did very much do this exact specific thing to Tim, I hear.

And like broken records, people squawk ‘let us have our interpretations/headcanons/etc’ any time we try and make a stink about how no, actually, that’s NOT HOW IT WENT....and at the EXACT SAME TIME....most of these exact same people show up on every post that uses ACTUAL information to make Bruce or Jason or Tim or whomever look like the actual problem in a story where they were actually problematic, like, the SECOND a post gets popular enough....to derail, to condescend, to shout it down with how its just a retcon or its out of character or its just a bad take or how fans with taste know better than to take it seriously.

And why do you care? Like, if we’re all supposed to just live and let live and everyone’s allowed their own interpretations, why this everpresent need to show up all the time with a superior, patronizing ‘oof, this is just not good’ the second one of YOUR faves is in the hotseat, while condescendingly boxing out any posts informing people of how no, actually, Dick and Kory’s breakup WAS linked to Mirage and Dick and Donna’s infamous fight WASN’T the way its commonly talked about and oh yeah there was brainwashing there too and etc, etc....see, when WE do that, we’re just overacting stans who can’t stand others not liking our fave. Instead of just....trying to correct misinformation so more fans can at least engage with the character from a starting point of zero instead of a negative integer. 

So why this hypocrisy? Oh yeah, because you don’t WANT the misinformation corrected. Because see, when the misinformation IS corrected, fic writers en masse....make different choices. And that’s why ever since more people started picking up the refrain of “well no actually Dick DIDN’T hate Jason, here’s the proof”.....there’s a lot more stories out there where...shockingly....Dick doesn’t hate Jason. Which bizarrely, does not really work well for the people who WANTED Dick to hate Jason and made a point to SHAPE the narrative to make him hate Jason.....because it wasn’t about that just being their interpretation, and it never was. Because the CHOICE to cut out Dick’s ‘justification for feeling slighted’ by being fired as Robin and pair that specifically WITH Dick resenting Jason for Bruce still making him Robin instead of Dick doing it....that has a narrative cause and effect within a lot of the fics that go with this. It gives Jason eternal underdog status that makes it easy to root for him while positioning someone specifically to blame for that underdog status and unfair playing field, and it also keeps focus off Bruce as the cause of any issues between his sons due to choices HE made, thus one singular figure is positioned as the obstacle to family unity....and that figure isn’t Bruce.

And no canon to the contrary will be acknowledged as legitimate.

Convenient huh?

Especially paired with the ‘thou shalt not con crit on another’s fic’ fandom commandment. Because when you can’t complain about any fanfic depictions whatsoever without immediately and inherently being cast as the rabble-rouser by default.....the ability to shape and dominate a specific fandom narrative becomes veeeeery key. After all, another popular fandom phrase is ‘we’re not the DC writers, complain to them about canon.’ But when there’s no canon complaint to be made to DC specifically, because its not canon we’re actually upset about, and we’re not ‘allowed’ to criticize fandom depictions because people are allowed to have their interpretations......all you have to do is stand your ground and insist that the fandom depictions of Dick are nothing BUT ‘interpretations’ and not acknowledge aaaaaaany of the places where you consciously make the decision to transform canon choices and behavior around him.....and voila. You’ve wrapped everything up in a neat little logic trap. Quite the fait accompli. There’s really no way for anyone to say or do anything ABOUT this little situation here without being ‘disruptive,’ ‘divisive’ and ‘having a negative impact on fandom harmony.’

Its just always gonna be a little weird to me, how much your positivity culture looks a lot like plausible deniability culture instead.

But whatever. That’s just a me problem I guess. Definitely not something anyone else in fandom has anything to do with. Just like they have nothing to do with derailments or condescension or counter arguments to so many of the canon-based Dick Grayson posts I make, and this is also all my doing...wait...hang on. I think I got mixed up again somewhere. Dang it.

[yicruz48]

Teen Titans Review: Annual #2 Part 2

August/26/2020

Part 1

This again pushes the narrative of Damian as the angry aggressor with no self-control nor a ability to be conscious of how his own actions hurt other people.

I am not denying that Damian hasn’t been extreme before or has a temper but if written correctly he would have enough awareness to feel guilt for what he did to Emiko and not act so aggressively towards Bruce.  

This is another section of the issue that I feel conflicted about how to feel about this for several reasons: 

-> The things Damian says in these panels aren’t all false : 

I wouldn’t be sincere in this review if I didn’t acknowledge the truth to Damian’s comparison. In the last two years real time the Wayne Manor has become a sort of coffin and tomb. A manor that only carries the echoes of those who used to live there. 

After a while, I could imagine it would be distressing to visit the Manor because it would remind them of the people who weren’t there anymore. 

-> I fear Anti’s will look at these panels and try to justify Damian as a bad person:

I asked my older brother (Who doesn’t know much about comics besides the bit I tell him) to read the interactions in this issue and give me his opinion on them. 

“To me it feels like the writer is trying to show Damian is conflicted and not in the right headspace therefore showing him erupting into a fight with Bruce violently but...I can definitely see how someone who doesn’t like Damian could turn this narrative against him.”  

And I agree with him. As much as dislike these direction in writing for Damian, I do see what Thompson was trying to do here (and since the beginning of the run). It hasn’t been executed well, but he has been trying to get the reader to sympathize with Damian (more than Glass that is). 

And I believe it is trying to show that Damian is at his wits end, not thinking right-well-I mean-Damian hasn’t been thinking right in TT since 2018, but I guess he’s really not in the right headspace. 

But I have the same fear that my brother mentioned, if you look at these same panels through the same lens of someone who doesn’t particularly like Damian you look at this and think is horrible. I can already imagine what they’d say:

“Look at how badly Damian treats his father!” 

Although your supposed to look at this as Damian having a outburst after keeping in it for so long and not being emotionally-neglected by his father.  

“Alfred’s death was hard for Bruce too, Damian needs to stop acting like he is the only one who is hurt.” 

Even though Bruce is an adult and Damian is a teen(a severely-damaged one at that) and you know...BRUCE DIDN’T COMFORT DAMIAN AFTER ALFRED DIED...

And this further expressed in Detective Comics where Damian causally mentions that he is surprised that his father contacted him. 

Like...um...Damian is a 13-year-old boy...are you really telling me Bruce hasn’t contacted his own underaged son especially after Alfred died? 

“Dick just got shot and lost his memories. He didn’t die. Why is he acting like he died?” 

I talk more about Damian’s and Dick’s relationship here. 

But to put it simply, Dick is one of the only people Damian trusts to be vulnerable with. Damian is extremely independent yet depends on him the most. This is expressed many times in the beginning of rebirth (specifically in the Nightwing and Batman comics). Losing that connection is extremely damaging to Damian.

Moving on, I actually appreciated this scene with Crush. I happy that she kept the group from intervening between Bruce and Damian. 

With the track record of how “great” the Teen Titans are at handling situations them getting in the middle of the fight would’ve made this worse. 

Plus I liked that she recognized that this was something personal. So far, I’ve felt like the majority of the Teen Titans have antagonized Damian and it felt refreshing to see Crush realize that Damian’s actions are more personal than they thought.  

But at the same time, I don’t know how to take this. I feel like they also wrote this in order prop her up to be the new leader in the next issues so at the same time it feels a little insincere.  

I already said this in part 1 of the review but I am grateful for the decency DC or Thompson had to give us some personal reasonings for his actions, but again, it doesn’t work as a good trigger nor does it hold the same hype it would’ve if written earlier when it happened, not months after it happened.

One of the only things about these panels that I have to say is  that I saw some people theorizing on twitter that perhaps Damian was expecting to be punished by his father because of how his other brothers have been treated by Bruce. But I really don’t know myself how to interpret it. 

Why is Damian questioning why Bruce isn’t fighting back? 

-> Was he expecting Bruce to punish him? 

-> Was Damian expecting  his father to challenge his new beliefs?

Because Bruce doesn’t really challenge Damian’s beliefs at the end, if anything, it seems like Bruce gives up trying to reason with Damian. 

Which is sad if you look back to this panel in Batman and Robin 2011:

Jumping back on track, and then we have this panel: 

Which is yet again another panel that I feel conflicted about. 

I guess it’s nice Bruce finally told his son that he loves him, but also it’s a little to late now. Bruce should’ve expressed compassion to Damian when he had the chance, and he had a lot chances to do this: 

-> On his 13th birthday.

-> By being more involved in his life. 

-> When Dick got shot to remind Damian he had someone there for him despite Dick not being there. 

-> When Alfred died in front of him. That was most likely traumatizing for him, would’ve been nice to have someone there to comfort him. 

I feel like I keep repeating myself, but again, this four pages are difficult to interpret. 

 “Everything...lead...to...THIS” 

-> I’m taking this as Damian concluding that being Robin (and everything that encompasses including the no killing rule) lead to him losing people he loved and eventually not being Robin.

“You will never truly see me so long as I am in your shadow.”

-> Damian thinking that Bruce won’t take him seriously if he is Robin? 

-> Thinking that Bruce won’t ever truly see who he really is if he is Robin?

“Now I am finally free.”

-> Damian implicating that being Robin was a burden and/or restricted him from doing what he thinks is “right?”  

As a Damian stan the last four pages were the most painful to read. Seeing Damian leave the Robin title frustrates me soo much. 

Conclusions and Predictions:

-> This issue was not as bad as I thought (but still bad): 

For one, I am glad Bruce didn’t beat up Damian. 

I am glad they had the decency to give Damian more personal reasons to go down this path even if it was late. 

-> (I’m gonna start talking about the art more in my reviews) 

Pansica is a very talented artist BUT I personally don’t think he was the best choice to draw a comic with teens. The adults in this issue were drawn great but I feel like drawing teens is not his strong point. 

There was points in this comics were Damian looked unpleasant and I think it was because Pansica tends to be very detailed although a lot detail does a disservice to drawing teens. As a artist myself, I lay off the details when drawing children since it often ages them more if you put more detail. 

Maiolo’s colors are good. I don’t know if it was a conscious decision or not but the dullness of the color really emphasizes the darker vibe of this issue. 

-> Thompson didn’t fail me this issue, he still manage to make me hate Roundhouse more than last issue :)

He also really pushed that unnecessary Emiko X Wallace ship in the middle of this issue. I think the bothers me about this relationship is that they gotten closer because of Damian killing. I really don’t vibe with that.

-> Bruce just suddenly offering a hug after giving Damian death stares at the beginning just confuses me. 

-> Teen Titan’s didn’t ever take Deathstroke go and basically let him go unless he’ll be appearing next issue. 

-> So far Damian sucks as being a villian/anti-hero, he failed both at killing KGBeast and Deathstroke. 

-> Hate that once again, most of the blame was thrown at Damian.

->To Damian, being Robin was the best thing to happen to him.  

It allowed him to see the mistakes in his past(that he was made to do) and work towards becoming a better person...in other words, it granted him an opportunity to redeem himself. 

Not only that, but it granted him the opportunity to honor the people who helped him become a better person (Dick and Bruce).

And even Damian felt like he needed to “prove” that he could be Robin because I think even Damian felt like he didn’t deserve it or wasn’t good enough. 

What this comic has done with him is atrocious and will always be no matter the outcome. 

I have a petition related to Damian here. I would appreciate it if you shared and signed. 

[writer-k-pop]

Fire Fights

난 단지 네가 다치는 것을 원하지 않았을 뿐이야. I just didn’t want you to get hurt.

Description: You and Namjoon have been friends for ages. Both being fire benders and all. Even though you don’t run in the same circles anymore, he’s always around. And now he’s saving you when some fire benders decide to pick on Jungkook, your water bending friend. Which leads to an argument that reveals someone’s true feelings.  Warnings: Swearing Genre: Angst, Fluff, Bender!AU, FireBender!Namjoon x Fem!Reader Word Count: 2.7k

BTS Masterlist | Masterlists

"Late. Again." My professor, Mrs. Kwon, eyes the few students who slink into the classroom 15 minutes late. She sighs before continuing the lesson. "Alright, back to water properties."

Her voice begins to fade as I zone out, staring at the projector screen.

Jungkook, sitting next to me, discreetly nudges my shoulder to bring me out of my trance.

I turn to him a give him a "what was that for?" look.

"New slide." He whispers, nodding towards the screen.

I look at the screen and sure enough, Jungkook is correct. I quickly start to write down the notes before Mrs. Kwon moves on to the next.

"Alright, any questions?" Mrs. Kwon asks 25 minutes later.

A silence blankets over the classroom and it feels like no one is breathing.

Mrs. Kwon nods, "Well, that's all I had planned for today. Remember that the first drafts of your research essays are due by the end of next week. You can make an appointment with me if you want to check your work before the due date." She reminds us over the noise of students packing up their belongings.

I roll my eyes at the impatience of some (most) students.

"Have a good weekend!" Mrs. Kwon finishes and begins to pack up her own papers.

Once she's done talking, students' conversation grow in volume in a matter of seconds and I start packing away my belongings.

"I'm torn." Jungkook sighs as I sling my backpack over my shoulder.

"About what?" I question and we begin climbing the steps towards the lecture hall's exits.

"What to write the research paper on." Jungkook ponders.

I widen my eyes at him, "You haven't decided that yet? That was supposed to be done like a week ago."

Jungkook shrugs, "I kind of want to use the paper I wrote for the 302 class I took last year."

I shake my head, "I never understood why you decided to take this 205 class when you've already taken the 302 AND you're a water bender."

"You said you wanted to take it and not be alone." Jungkook defends his choice, "Plus, it fills a credit and it's interesting taking the class with a bunch of fire benders." He playfully winks at me and holds the door open.

"Are we that fascinating to you?" I glance at me as we walk out towards the main courtyard. In the center, the central column spews fire up towards the sky.

"Fascinating enough." Jungkook replies, "Like why do you guys need a very large candle in the middle of your campus?"

I smack his shoulder and he laughs. "You guys have that peeing sculpture in the middle of yours so hush."

"Alfred is not a peeing sculpture." Jungkook gasps and holds a hand over his heart in offense.

I chuckle, "Sure looks like one."

Jungkook and I became good friends through my other good friend Jin, who's also a water bender. Jin and I have been friends since childhood. As a fire-bender and water-bender, we balanced each other out fairly well and never could quite defeat the other.

Though, Jin's got a girlfriend now so we don't see him around as much.

"Hey, what the hell do you think you're doing here?" A cocky female voice calls out to us.

I roll my eyes before turning to my left to face the all too familiar group of people. Sitting on benches and standing around are the most popular kids in school. But not the cool, kind populars. No, these are the populars who have all of daddy's money stuffed in unmentionable places. The worst kind.

"I go to class here, Elsie." I yell back in hopes that they'll be feeling nice and let Jungkook and I pass. But my hopes, as always, are crushed.

"Not you, hush puppy." Elsie says with boredom then her nods towards Jungkook, "I was talking to the wet one."

My fist clenches but Jungkook rests a hand on my wrist before I can move.

"I have a class here. You may have heard of it. W205?" Jungkook responds calmly.

"Lame." Elsie rolls her eyes and her pose giggles. "Why don't you stick to your campus from now on? Hm? We wouldn't want a poor wet one to get burned by fire now would we?" She cocks her head to the side and I want to wipe the smack the pout from her lips.

"Not unless I drowned you first." I suddenly say without a second thought and release my arm from Jungkook's grasp. "Is that a challenge?" Elsie asks with a wicked smile and takes a step forward.

"We're not fully trained so water fighting fire would be a little unfair don't you think?" I explain, "But fire fighting fire seems more fair, doesn't it?"

"Since you're a girl, I might actually be tested on my true abilities." Elsie rests her hands on her hips, her confidence soaring. "Though, I don't know if you could keep up."

The blood in my veins boils and it takes literally everything within me to not charge at her right this second.

"I bet I could." I reply, both fists now balled.

"I'm sure you could." Elsie nods, "In 3 years."

I roll my eyes and drop my backpack, "Will you stop talking and actually get your ass over here to find out?"

"What are you doing?" Jungkook whispers, "You almost got suspended last time."

"I don't care." I look back at him.

"(y/n)!" Elsie calls out to me, "Catch." She simply says before sending a fire ball but not at me. At Jungkook.

With speed, I step in front of the attack and disperse the flame with ease.

"ELSIE!" Namjoon's voice booms from some yards away. His voice and presence drags both of our attentions to him as he strides over.

Namjoon is one of those cool, kind popular kids and he commands the attention and respect from almost everyone on our campus. And he just so happens to be my best friend. I always question why he's still my friend when we are barely even in the same friend circles anymore but every time I start to miss him or need him, he shows up. Just like that.

Part of me is relieved he's here so she'll leave us alone but the other part of me is upset that Namjoon's stopping me from finally teaching her the lesson she deserves. He's like an angel appearing at just the right time but at the same time, he's Satan's spawn just loving that he's messing with my life.

"What the hell is your problem?" Namjoon questions her with anger when he reaches her.

"Oh, Namjoon, how are you?" Elsie dodges the question with a sweet smile.

"Just answer the question." Namjoon instructs with a no-play tone.

Elsie rolls her eyes before answering, "The water bender was bothering me."

"Exactly how was he bothering you?" Namjoon asks, crossing his arms over his chest.

Elsie looks taken aback then stutters, "Well, I mean he, he was just-"

Namjoon curtly nods once, "Water benders are allowed to take classes on other campuses. Worry about your own self." He then turns and walks towards Jungkook and I while Elsie and her crew walk away.

Jungkook picks up my backpack and hands it to me just as Namjoon reaches the two of us.

"Are you guys okay?" He asks, glancing between the two of us. When we both nod, he says, "What the hell were YOU thinking?" Checking on me before launching into a scolding, as expected of my best friend. "Why would you instigate her like that?"

"I could've handled her fine." I roll my eyes, now more annoyed he interrupted. "I could've shown her a damn lesson or two."

"In the middle of the day in the middle of the courtyard?" Namjoon continues to question me.

"It would've been fine." I repeat and start walking out of the campus.

"You would've been actually suspended this time." Namjoon follows with Jungkook next to him.

"That's what I said." Jungkook pipes up.

"You should've listened to that." Namjoon finishes with me then turns to Jungkook. "And why didn't you stop her? You could've dragged her away."

Jungkook raises his hands in surrender, "I tried. I swear., But you know how she gets when she gets into that mood."

"It wasn't a mood." I defend myself.

"Fine, attitude then." Jungkook corrects himself, sticking out his tongue at me.

"It was not a-"

"Enough." Namjoon pinches the bridge of his nose. "Just, just walk away next time. Please?"

"What and let Ms. Made-Perfect-by-Daddy's-Money continue to berate the other elements like that?" I raise my eyebrows at Namjoon. "Like hell I would let that happen."

Namjoon sighs, "Verbally fight with her, throw around threats, sure. But just don't actually fight her."

I let out a puff of air in disbelief, "You don't think I could actually fight her and hold my own, do you?"

Now, quite annoyed with my best friend, I turn Jungkook in a random direction. "I'll see you later Namjoon." I say before he can explain himself.

Nearly pushing Jungkook, we make our way in the opposite direction.

"You do know that we have to go back in that direction and not this direction." Jungkook mentions as he starts walking on his own.

"We're taking the long way around." I spew out the words, my tone immediately telling him not to argue with me.

--------------The Next Morning----------------

The wind blows past my shoulders and makes my paper flutter as they stay locked to my binder. The mid-morning sun is warm but not too hot and the wind gives a nice relief.

I decided to study on the roof this morning because my room got way too stuffy last night and because no one's out here in the morning so it's nice and quiet.

I live in an apartment building and the owners were nice enough to purchase a few picnic tables up here since so many of us tenants are students. Cool people.

"You're still annoyed with me?" Namjoon's voice appears behind me.

I grip my pencil ever so slightly tighter, "Yeah, just a bit." I tell him without looking at him.

Without a word, he sits at the table a foot to my right.

I take a quick glance at him. He doesn't have his backpack and he's wearing black pants and a light washed denim jacket. He rests his arms on the table and is just staring straight ahead. Once I get a good look at him, I turn back to my notes but none of the written words register.

"The other day, what I said." Namjoon says, perking up my ears. "I didn't mean it that way."

I lift my head up and lay down my pencil, "Sure sounded like it."

"Well, it wasn't and if you would let me explain, you would see that." Namjoon turns to me, waiting for my answer.

I purse my lips and ponder his request, "Fine, what did you mean by saying that?" I ask him the question and meet his eyes.

He gives me a small smile, "Honestly, I do think you could take Elsie and you would handle yourself very well if it ever came down to a fire fight." I take the compliment but prepare for the largest but I would hear in my lifetime. "But... I just didn't want you to get hurt."

"You were worried about me getting hurt?" I raise my eyebrows slightly in confusion.

"Yeah, I didn't want to sit back and watch you get hurt if I could do something about it." Namjoon explains.

"Why would you care if I got hurt?" I question.

Namjoon suddenly gets flustered and rubs the back of his neck, "I mean, you know, you're my best friend and I'd hate to see that."

I squint my eyes at him, "Okay, but if that was true, you would've stopped me from doing all the other stupid things I've done with Jungkook. Most of which, by the way, you actually encouraged me to do."

"Those, those were different." Namjoon counters, "They were with Jungkook and you weren't fighting with fire."

I rest my head in my hand, "And I'm pretty sure I got injured much worse those times that I would've been had I been in-"

"I care about you, alright?" Namjoon blurts out. "Elsie's not worth the energy to fight and she's certainly not worth any injury, big or small."

My heart begins to pound and flutter at the same time. "I mean," I clear my throat, "I care about you too. You're my best friend."

Namjoon shakes his head with a smile playing on his lips, "No, I mean like more than best friends. I care about you a lot, (y/n)."

I stay silent, trying to process the words he's saying and he takes the silence as a signal to keep talking.

"Why do you think I'm always saving your ass from Elsie? Why do you think that I bring your favorite snacks around the time your periods is about to attack? Honestly, I'm quite tired of spitting out the same 'treat everyone equally' bullshit because I'd treat you better than everyone else."

My mind is racing through millions of thoughts at hundreds of miles an hour. I think I left my legs back in 'holy shit what is happening' land and my heart in 'holy shit this is actually happening' land.

"(y/n)?" Namjoon rests a hand on my shoulder, "Say something? It gets kind of weird if I'm the only one talking." He attempts to lighten the mood.

I register his words and now all the visits and hangouts and run ins make so much more sense. He didn't just randomly run into me or thought of me. He purposefully was where I always needed him to be. He was always there not because it was coincidence, but because he WANTED to be.

I run my hands through my hair and chuckle. "I am so dumb."

Now it's Namjoon's turn to be confused.

"How did I not see any of it?" I ask mainly myself.

Namjoon recovers from his confusion and shrugs his shoulders, "You were pretty focused on studying and not beating the crap out of Elsie."

I chuckle but it dies down pretty quickly. "All this time, huh?" I ask, looking at him.

Namjoon breathes in, "Yeah, all this time."

"Why didn't you say anything sooner?" I question.

"You said you were completely and utterly done with relationships so I was nervous to tell you that I liked you." Namjoon repeats my words from over a year ago and slides closer to me.

"You could've said something." I told him, nudging his shoulder.

"I could've." Namjoon says, "But I also watched the few guys who tried only to get shut down."

I laugh, "Point taken."

"So." He leans his head on his fist, facing me.

"So?" I repeat, questioningly.

"Have I been accepted or will I go join the rejects?" Namjoon clarifies.

I squeeze my eyes shut and mentally facepalm all while calling myself dumb for not catching onto that.

"I won't accept or reject you quite yet." I answer, "You still have to take me on a date. Then we'll see."

Namjoon lazily smiles, like he's already confident he won't be rejected. Which he's not entirely wrong. He's got a really nice face and his personality matches with mine and he *almost* always has me laughing. I would be lying if I said that I didn't have a suppressed crush that started years ago.

"You want a date. I can give you a date." Namjoon says and sits up straight. "Where should we go? And when?"

I smile, "Surprise me."

Namjoon smiles widely, now excited, "Oh, you got it." He raises from his seat, "I gotta run but tomorrow night. Be ready. I'll text you the time."

"Oh, okay." I reply, slightly surprised at how soon this date will be. "Hey, you didn't like plan for this did you?" I call out to him as he walks towards the door.

He pauses and turns around, "Maybe!" Namjoon calls back with a playful smile before continuing towards the door.

Once the door closes behind him and I'm left alone on the rooftop once more, all motivation to study jumps off the roof and all I can think about is the date I have tomorrow night with Namjoon, my best friend.

[badwolfwrites-sometimes]

Missing you

Not Drawn Together, but have some post WW2 GerIta reunion I wrote months ago. Because why not?

10 years.

I spent 10 years in this prison.

War crimes.

I don't deny it. I was stupid. I was stupid to trust my boss. It was so stupid, so blind of me to kill that many innocent people.

People like him.

Today is the first day after 10 years that I get to see him. I missed him a lot. That smile whenever he made or ate pasta, that silky hair of his, that scent of grass after a spring rain that was always around him. And that white flag of his which I proudly held upon my surrender. They let me keep it. The only thing that reminded me of him. My Feliciano.

I knew at the time that what I was doing was so wrong, but I had no control over it. I felt my heart and mind run to him in the moments when living was impossible. At first I refused it, denied it, but slowly, I let myself feel it. I let myself fall in love with him.

And being this close to seeing him again, it took guts to contain my excitement.

Alfred arrived quite early thankfully. He was supposed to drive me home and make sure I don't start plotting another war. Like hell I would. I don't need more years in prison. I don't need more years away from Feliciano.

"You ready, Ludwig?" He smiled at me. One of his cocky smiles as usual. I guess he hasn't changed at all in these 10 years.

I didn't respond. The officer opened the door and I walked out. He took off the handcuffs and I stretched my arms. It's been so long after all. I looked at Alfred and offered a polite smile. His hair grew a bit longer and he wasn't wearing his uniform anymore. He was dressed quite nicely, nevertheless. He wore a suit which I believe was to make him look "cooler".

"Let's go big guy. No more wars. Your brother is with Ivan, but I'm sure you knew that already. Now, do you have any wishes? Some ice cream?" Alfred asked, making a disgusted face at the mention of Ivan. There were some tensions between them.

"If you don't mind, actually, I'd like to go visit Feliciano. We were close during the war and I'm sure he misses me." I said, trying not to sound too suspicious.

Alfred looked at me and smiled almost sadly.

"All the time." He said in a quiet voice.

It wasn't a very long drive. I was surprised I had been this close to Feliciano all this time, but upon looking closely, I noticed it was a graveyard. Why would he take me to the graveyard?

"You'll find him here. Just go to the very middle, under the biggest tree there. I'll stay in the car." Alfred said quickly and opened the door for me.

I exited and felt my heart beating faster than ever before. What is going on? It can't be... Is Feliciano alright?

I walked into the graveyard. They always made me feel sick. So many good and bad people, all in one place. All dead and rotting. Ironic, but at the same time disgusting. I rushed past the gravestones, hoping to reach the tree as quickly as possible. Various scenarios running through my head. And finally, I was there.

And I felt my eyes tear up.

But I smiled.

Because right before my eyes, under the tall tree, sleeping next to a gravestone that said Romulus Vargas, Feliciano's grandfather, was my beautiful Feliciano.

I walked up to him, trying not to wake him up, and sat next to him. There was so much I wanted to say to him. So many questions to ask him. But I couldn't. I couldn't wake him up. Instead, I just whispered:

"I'm home, Feliciano."

We stayed like that for about an hour, but it felt too short for me. Time always passed by quickly when I was with him. When Pact of Steel was signed, for example. We were together all day and yet, it felt like only a couple of minutes.

Feliciano soon started to turn around, attempting to find the perfect position. He soon rolled over to my chest and I held him, almost laughing at the confused face he made before he opened his eyes.

He looked up at me sleepily, his hand reaching up to touch my face and upon contact, I placed my own on his. He smiled softly before closing his eyes again.

"If this is a dream, I hope I never wake up." He whispered, relaxing his head on my chest. I smiled and kissed his hand that was on my cheek.

"It's not a dream, Feliciano. I'm here. After so many years, I'm here with you." I stroked his hair gently before he suddenly lifted his head up, his eyes wide open.

"Ludwig?" He called for me and taking his hand back to touch all over me and finally slapping himself to, presumably, make sure he wasn't dreaming.

"Yes, it's actually me. You're not dreaming." I reassured him.

"It's you! Oh Dio mio, it's you! After 10 years, it's still you!" Feliciano smiled and cried at the same time, hugging me like a child their mother. Like a faithful wife her soldier husband. And I hugged him back. I hugged him like I was going to lose him if I let go for just a second.

He let go first and wiped away his tears, never taking his eyes off of me. Even I had to surpass my tears from the joy of seeing him. And that was tough as hell.

"But what are you doing here? I mean, I'm happy, oh Ludwig, I'm so happy. But why did you come here? You hate graveyards, Ludwig." He said as quickly as his mouth allowed him. I expected no less.

"Alfred brought me here on my request. I had a feeling you would want to see me first. They let me out on good behavior." I answered. Hopefully that covered most of his questions.

"Ve~ I knew they would let you go. You're not a horrible person, Ludwig. I've been saying that for 10 years, but no one really listened. It doesn't matter, though. They still let you out. Ah, I have to introduce you!" He clapped his hands quickly and turned me around to face his grandfather's gravestone.

"This is my nonno. It's sad that you can't meet him in person, but such is a life of a country. You would have liked him, Ludwig. He had the best bedtime stories ever. Most of them were about cute girls though. I've been having nightmares since they took you to prison so I've been coming here every day." I stopped him there.

"Every day? For 10 years?" I was surprised, but, when you think about it, that does sound like something he would do.

"Yeah. It was either that or not sleeping at all and since not sleeping is bad for your health..." Honestly, he has no impulse control at all.

"So is sleeping on the cold gravestone." I told him, but I could tell he didn't listen.

"And I wanted to look my best for when I could see you again so I took naps here to reduce bags under the eyes. Oh, but you saw me here when I was sleeping. Oh Dio, how did I look? Did I look horrible? Do I still look horrible?" He began to wave his arms around in the air frantically. He does that sometimes. He's careless like that, but then he worries about his looks. I will never understand him.

"You look fine, Feliciano. Besides, I could care less what you look like right now. I'm just lucky enough to be able to see you now." That seemed to calm him down.

However, that made me rethink my choice in words. He has no idea that I love him after all and I have been dropping hints like a 14 year old girl with a crush. I blushed and looked away, covering my mouth.

Now or never, Ludwig. He deserves to know. He deserves to know what kept you sane and alive for more than 10 years.

"Ludwig?" He called for me softly as I was preparing myself to confess my feelings for him as well as possible rejection.

"Hm?" I hummed, unable to say anything.

"Do you still like me?"

His question stirred up a wave of emotions inside of me. Yes. My body and mind screamed. Yes, I still like you. I love you, Feliciano. But no words came out. Instead, I blushed harder.

"I betrayed you, Ludwig. Forced to, but it still counts as betrayal. I left you to suffer alone in the war while I ran away to hide. The thoughts, Ludwig... The thoughts of you hating me for what I did. They gave me the worst nightmares. Please, Ludwig, please say you don't hate me." He begged me. His eyes, his words, everything about him begged me not to say that I hated him. I closed my eyes for a moment and smiled.

"How can I hate you, Feliciano? How can I hate you when you were the very reason I made it through the war, through these horrible years in prison? How can I hate you when your smile chases all the dark clouds of my mind away? How can I hate you when, even when I knew what my fate would be like if anyone knew, I let myself fall in love with you? How do I hate you when my heart and mind are screaming that I love you all the time?" And finally, I said it.

Feliciano was making a face that I have never seen before. It appeared to be a mixture of shock, happiness and something else I couldn't quite place. He opened his mouth to say something, but instead closed them when no sound came. He tried again, only making himself look like a fish and making me start to regret saying anything. That was until he spoke:

"Me too, Ludwig! I love you too! Dio mio, ti voglio bene, Ludwig!" He almost screamed which shouldn't have surprised me, but after a long separation, it did. I never understood a word when he spoke in Italian, but this... This I understood perfectly.

"Ich liebe dich, Feliciano. I love you so much." I said as I placed my hands on his shoulders, pulling him closer. I felt his arms lifting and his hands cupping my cheeks as we both pulled each other closer until our lips met in a warm, long awaited kiss.

It wasn't too short, but it wasn't long either. And it still left the feeling that I need more so as soon as we both breathed a little air, we clashed our lips again. The sensation of it so sweet and so welcoming and the Sun was already setting before we realized how much time passed.

"Do you want to come over? I understand if you don't, after all you haven't been home for a while. I just really don't want you to be alone anymore. You did 10 years of that." Feliciano said and I kissed his temple.

"Of course I want to. However, you would have to ask Alfred that. He's probably still waiting for me in the car." I said and laughed. It was a rare occasion that I laugh, but Feliciano brought out the best in me. Alfred has an attention span of a spoon standing up, there was no way he would still be sitting in the car.

"Oh, Alfred is easy to convince. Just bring up that Ivan would let you stay for the night and he would offer to let you stay for a week." Feliciano laughed too. He seemed aware of the rivalry and knew how to use it well. There's a lot of things I need to catch up on.

He stood up and pulled me along. He let his hand gently touch my cheek and I relaxed into his touch.

"Let's go then. Let's not keep him waiting any longer." He said and kissed me again, grabbing a hold of my hand as we walked towards the exit of the graveyard.

10 years of waiting.

And we finally stand by each other.

Hand in hand.

Like lovers.

[immortalcockroach]

21 + 15 + 8!

asdfghjkl rose thank you for asking ♥️ this ended up coming out incredibly long, so i apologize in advance!

8) where do you take your inspiration from?

surprising! mostly from visual media, actually. graphics, art, moodboards, films, tv series, that kind of stuff. occasionally, music, and even more rarely, written media (fics, books, poems, similar). that’s for when i’m starting to get ideas. when i already have something written or ideas developed a bit more, then i have a moodboard on pinterest and a playlist on spotify, or i watch something that has the same mood/theme as the thing i’m writing.

15) if you write oc’s, how do you decide on their names?

i don’t usually write oc’s for fics, but i do them for my original stuff. the names depend on the characters’ background and location, but they all have a name that either sounds specific to their character or who they’re supposed to be, or the meaning is very connected. 

in other cases, most of the time, i just go ‘woah this sounds cool’ or sometimes i build a whole character because of their name and subsequently the whole story.

21  tell me about another writer(s) who you admire? what is it about them that you admire?

i love this question!! let me give my favourite fic writers a shoutout, even though i’m probably missing some too!! it’s really long but honestly these people worked hard and they really deserve it

@grumpybell‘s ideas are absolutely brilliant. i’m a huge fan. the stories themselves, the plots would be enough for me to have a whole paragraph about, but for me, the characters are where it’s at. well-developed, very true to the canon but also to the universe the fic is set in, but also very well-rounded and overall realistic. the fics just flow really nice, honestly, and i could read them for eternity. 

fic shoutout: oh darling, here’s hoping god i remember reading this red riding hood au and just... falling in love. i did. i fell in love with bellamy as the wolf and clarke’s desperation to save him, and the new take on the fairy tale, it was just absolute perfection. i keep coming to it every once in a while, honestly. it’s just magic.

@asroarke is one of those people who are just integrated into a fandom’s fanfiction. imagining t100 fanfiction with asroarke is like... imagining the sky without the stars. i think those fics were the first ones i read when i joined the fandom, and i remember one of the things i thought was how easy it was to read. everything flowed as if there was no effort needed, as if the words have always been there, just plucked and placed on a blank document. and the consistency, honestly, damn. these fics are better than probably more than half of published stuff i’ve read. 

fic shoutout: drag me down. look there’s a pattern here and it’s the mythical/legends/fairy tale aus. i present you with a retelling of little mermaid in the most beautiful, soul-wrenching way. i waited every single chapter for when i came out. i read it as soon as i saw it came out, even if i was in the middle of grabbing coffee with a friend. honestly everything by asroarke is absolutely fantastic. 

@blvke-bellamy okay look. when i saw may is just 15 i nearly fell off my chair. i’d kill to have that talent at 15. i would. look, i keep saying look, because i’m shook. but honestly, may’s characterization is brilliant. she took my faves from the 100 and managed to insert them into a different universe, and they feel so much like the original characters and not at all. the dynamics between them are so raw and so pure and so believable i cried at one particular scene in her fic. or it might be two scenes. and look, this is impressive on its own, and then knowing she’s just 15...god.

fic shoutout: step into the sun is a bellarke tangled au and honestly. i’m a slut for tangled. it’s so damn good. and this fic?? inspired by tangled?? absolutely brilliant. marvelous. 11/10. brought my fish to life. and honestly murphy is my favourite in the fic, literally one of my favourite portrayals of him in every fic i’ve ever read. i binged this. i lost sleep over this. no ragrets.

@pawprinterfanfic (i’m biased but. in top 3 fic writers ever. and i’ve been in a lot of popular fandoms.) paw manages to take a universe and make it hers. paw manages to create a universe out of nothing and make it feel more realistic than my own life. and honestly, i am reading her hunger games au right now and it’s amazing, but the best part is that i’m also reading the harry potter au which is even better and although both are masterpieces, i can see the improvement. the development of the characters, the amount of effort in planning and mapping things out, it’s marvellous. her fics just speak to me on a different level, it feels as if i’m experiencing them myself rather than reading them, and what i’m mostly in awe of is how immersed i am in those fics, especially the newer ones. i feel like it’s a rare skill to have.

fic shoutout: starry eyes and galaxy minds (we’ll be dancing on the clouds at night) which is a spider-man au, and honestly, i cried. it’s beautiful. it’s a masterpiece. but so is literally every single one of paw’s stories, so it was a really difficult choice. the harry potter one? j k rowling wishes she wrote it.

skai_heda (i don’t know their tumblr please someone help me find it). where do i begin. honestly. when i started reading the fic i put below, i was mesmerised by the writing style. it was partly in second pov which i’d usually refuse to read, but this writing style is something that belongs to gods. the characterization is amazing, it manages to fix some of the stuff in canon without actually changing it. everything just comes together naturally, and i always feel so satisfied when reading their fics. plus, the writing style again, especially in the fic below, is flawless. some people can create magic with their words, and i’m convinced i’ve just found one.

fic shoutout: everything that comes after deserves so much!! more!! attention!!! i remember reading the first two chapters and just being like...wooow. i was starstruck. i left a long ass comment. it’s so unique and so beautiful. it’s the only fic on this list written in the canon universe, and it’s one of my favourites i’ve ever read about the canon universe. it hurts. it makes you cry, and ache, and understand, and smack your head because you just want people to be happy. if i could pocket the way this fic made me feel, i would always keep it with me. (a little frustration, but a whole lotta love.)

give me a number and i’ll answer questions about writing fanfiction

just in case you’d like to see the same questions answered for non-fanfiction/non-fanfiction influence, see below!

15) if you write oc’s, how do you decide on their names?

specific example of mentioned above - a wip about teenagers who come from a rich side of town and a poor side. there’s posh names, like cedric, declan, byron and gregory, for people who are supposed to represent the posh, stuck-up class; hadley, tessa, abigail, kate for privileged people who are the ‘good guys’; and luca, oliver, han, freddie, who are from the poor side. it’s very classist so it was very important that the names represent the characters. usually, i go for the “vibe” of the name over the meaning, to be honest. 

21  tell me about another writer(s) who you admire? what is it about them that you admire?

i love this question!!

fiction: maggie stiefvater, because her raven cycle series genuinely feels like magic when i read it. the characters are brilliant. erin morgenstern, who wrote the night circus, because that novel also feels like magic. donna tart’s the secret history feels as if you’re reading a secret and the storytelling sort of reminds me of f. scott fitzgerald’s the great gatsby in a way i can’t really describe. she creates a beautiful, magnificent atmosphere and you know what the characters are doing is wrong, but you completely understand them and it makes me, as a reader, question my own moral standards. madeline miller’s the song of achilles is a beautifully written masterpiece that made me fall in love with mythology, legends and history all over again. the way she develops the characters and retells the story i’ve heard a million times is so poetic and beautiful it just resonates with me on a different level. and finally, leigh bardugo with her six of crows series that again, makes me question my morals, but shows the friendship and loyalty between people in a beautiful way. it also shows a romance that i think is one of best written i’ve read, up there for me romances from the novels/series i’ve already mentioned.

there’s a pattern - storytelling and character-building that feels almost otherworldly, very focused on emotions and character development. basically, stories that you feel like as if they were made into films without proper, detailed development, wouldn’t translate well enough to bring the world to the screen. and romances incredibly well-developed over time, that go beyond just being romances and actually show a beautiful connection.

special mention of these directors, as they have a huge influence on my writing: christopher nolan, john krasinski, quentin tarantino, m night shyamalan, steven knight, guillermo del toro, alfred hitchcock, for their storytelling and character building. also, some of these are for the suspense that seems to come naturally. i know most of these are very popular directors, but they’re popular for a reason. i could literally write an essay on each of these people, honestly. my writing is very inspired by motion pictures, i most often look up to how these directors approached some things that i have in my writing, especially themes. (this could literally be a whole essay on its own)

[thesinglesjukebox]

THE HIGHWOMEN - REDESIGNING WOMEN

[5.30]

And yet they couldn't get Delta Burke to do a cameo in the video...

Joshua Lu: The Highwomen should, in theory, be a triumph for country music, at the very least because of the four amazing artists involved: Natalie Hemby (songwriter who's penned works for artists like Miranda Lambert, Kacey Musgraves and... Nelly Furtado?), Amanda Shires (singer/songwriter/violinist with six solo albums to her name), Brandi Carlile (responsible for one of the best albums of 2018 and for several other excellent ones) and Maren Morris (renowned hitmaker who recently sent "Girl" to #1 on the country airplay charts). Why, then, does "Redesigning Women" fail to muster the magic any one of the artists could deliver on her own? Vocally, the four of them blend together into each far too much; only Brandi's vocals ring distinctly, leaving the other three acting as part of her backdrop, including Maren, whose particularly potent pipes I shouldn't struggle to pinpoint. Lyrically, it's filled with signifiers for traditional vs. modern female roles, with requisite mentions of babies, the kitchen and hair dye, which make for evocative imagery but don't make for any meaningful message other than... that women's roles have evolved over time? It's too comfortable just describing the current state of affairs instead of demanding something more, and I'm left wondering what a listener is supposed to take away when the last guitar chord fades away. [4]

Michael Hong: The supergroup should involve a group of artists who know their strengths and weaknesses well enough that they're able to cover each other's weaknesses and emphasize their strengths in a way that wouldn't be possible as solo artists. The Pistol Annies worked so well on Interstate Gospel, not only because of the trio's harmonies, but also in the way that each artist brought something as a writer, like Monroe injecting some of her trademark dry humour into Lambert and Presley's wickedly smart small-town life observations. It comes as a confusing surprise then that across The Highwomen, less than half of all tracks are writing collaborations between the women, with Natalie Hemby being the sole member credited with writing their first outing. While Hemby has established herself as a great songwriter in Nashville, her strength was in the charming intimacy of her hushed vocals and finger-plucked guitar, but her own writing was hindered by her reliance on traditionalism that occasionally veered into cheesy nostalgia. "Redesigning Women" lacks the personal charm of Hemby's solo music and allows Hemby's penchant for cheesy traditionalism to seep through on awkward lines like "running the world while we're cleaning up the kitchen" and "changing our minds like we change our hair color." Confusingly, the track pushes this narrative where women have control, so long as they continue to provide in the more "traditional" gender roles. It makes for the track appearing to be a female empowerment anthem on first glance, but ending up being more outdated and restrictive, akin to Maren Morris's GIRL. Without the voices of Carlile, Morris, and Shires as writers, The Highwomen fall flat as a supergroup. While the four do sound pleasant across the track, pleasant just doesn't feel like enough on a track titled "Redesigning Women," which ultimately falls flat as another version of female empowerment written by the current Nashville songwriter du jour. [4]

Alex Clifton: In general feminist Americana/folk/country plays well with me, but where "Redesigning Women" gets really good is when all four women sing the title line. I hear so many older country superstars in their harmonies -- I could swear Dolly is in there singing along with them -- and it's a revelation. The lyrics are pretty good too, giving a light touch with lines like "breaking the jello mould" while still delivering a sincere message. The thing I have always liked about classic country is its strength, the confidence of the sliding guitars and banjos, how the singers sing out and loud, how even when there are quieter moments you still remain on solid ground. "Redesigning Women" does that while returning to an older sound that feels so rare these days, all the while making it fresh and glorious to hear. [8]

Alfred Soto: Shtickier and less distinctive than expected, "Redesigning Women" hews to a pattern -- a Jell-O mold? -- that acknowledges no middle ground between saints and surgeons; someone else, after all, a man, makes a woman a saint. It survives because Brandi Carlile, Maren Morris and Amanda Shires harmonize with the ease of women who understand how doing a job well is too often not reward enough. [6]

Jackie Powell: This song is an anthem and after my first listen, I didn't think I'd ever come to that conclusion. Country music for me is polarizing. But, each member of this quartet is Grammy-nominated in their own right and is enduring massive individual success. So why now for The Highwomen? "Redesigning Women" and the entire project coming from these four is selfless in nature. On CBS Morning before their debut at the Newport Folk Festival, Carlile referred to it as "a movement" rather than "a band." And the lyrical choices on this track are mostly consistent with that analysis. A goal is to inspire and that's admirable. Although I'll be frank, the first verse annoyed me; it reminded me of Girl Scout campfire songs. The chorus, however, is where The Highwomen shine. Each voice is heard, unlike the verses, and layered to provide a vocal texture that juxtaposes the nasal one you hear at the top of the song. I'm a sucker for alliteration and Hemby's serves as the best phrases in the entire song. But I don't love some of the female stereotypes referenced. Can we please move away from this idea that women almost always "need to look good," "clean the kitchen" or feel pressured to "feed the baby"? The Highwomen redeem themselves on the bridge which offers a call and response to a question that all who identify as female can relate to. Womanhood isn't black and white. There isn't a formula and if there is, then maybe you are doing it all wrong. The Highwomen have a broader audience than they think. I hope they take advantage of it as they continue to tell the stories of those who have redesigned and redefined their own womanhood. [6]

Joshua Copperman: The Highwomen have an interesting idea here -- "Running the world while we're cleaning up the kitchen" is clunky but appears to speculate that while gender roles are changing for women, men aren't meeting that change halfway. So you have podcasts asking if Women Can Have It All, and entire empires built on the Plight of the Working Woman -- in this song, the progress society has made (lol) indicates that "traditional women" take on all the responsibilities and nothing has gotten easier, let alone more equal. It's a thought-provoking message, but the rest is delivered in a surprisingly corny fashion from four women that, as far as I know, have either evaded or embraced corniness. This project could be a midpoint between Case/Lang/Veirs and Bridgers/Baker/Dacus, but the monotonous verses only bring to mind "Children of The Future" in their presentation and messaging. Maybe it's because up to this point, I've presented and lived in the world as a cis straight male (regardless of my actual orientation or gender identity). But no matter how I present myself, I know for a fact that all parties involved have done better, and this is deeply underwhelming. [4]

Iris Xie: A title like "Redesigning Women" begs something a lot more radical, maybe even jumping on the whole cyberpunk/anthropocene/post-apocalyptic aesthetic. But no, we get a song that is emblematic of conservative, tired, "choice" feminism. Why is buying 11 pairs of shoes considered moving progress forward? Why is a song about the fatigue in women's gender roles lacking so much anger? Why does this sonically sound like a swallowed deference? "Redesigning Women" upsets me, because it's like the time when I was a kid and asked older women if they've ever heard what feminism and seeing them wrinkle their noses at it and be offended at my question, and when I asked DC immigration lobbyists if they've ever experienced sexism or discrimination in their work and they stared at me because they didn't know how to answer the question. It made me feel so confused in those moments, and realizing how effective obfuscation is in separating and talking about the ways oppressive systems function, and how we ourselves can be extremely complicit in perpetuating them while also surviving them. "Redesigning Women" is meant as a touch-and-go balm as an acknowledgment of life's hardships, but without providing any solutions other than "let's make the best of it, you aren't the only one suffering," which is the only time that collectivism seems to raise its head in this individualist capitalist society, for the moment you start complaining, you aren't doing your part in your Dream. Bioessentialism and gender roles aside, this is a song that puts forth several arguments that The Highwomen and any other women just living their lives is redefining the roles of women. The imagery in "Making bank, shaking hands, driving 80 / Tryna get home just to feed the baby" is wonderfully succinct, and pretty much wraps up why life underneath capitalism absolutely sucks, whether you are or are not able to access that life. The rest of the examples -- such as "breaking every jello mold" and "When we love someone we take 'em to Heaven / And if the shoe fits, we're gonna buy 11" -- mix relatable, down-home metaphors with ones that wouldn't be out of place when it comes to simple desires to be a little too much, to be a little more ostentatious and a little less modest and "for the family!", where your every move as a woman is judged harshly. The bridge itself hearkens to a place of moral simplicity, with "How do we do it? How do we do it? / Making it up as we go along / How do we do it? How do we do it? / Half way right and half way wrong," that seems so innocent and very "we can do it!" But in reality, who is the target audience for this? It's for the women with families and jobs, and for those single femmes (like me!) who are conscientious of those future realities, who are all trying to keep these impossible lives and demands afloat in this disaster called late crisis capitalism. This is supposed to be soothing and reminds me that we're "all in this together," but it honestly kind of hurts to listen to this song. [5]

Katherine St Asaph: Designing Women is a relic of the '80s-'90s deadzone, and though it's getting rebooted and reconstituted, and was just rerun on Hulu (if you even knew), it is no longer a cultural touchstone, let alone enough of one to effectively snowclone. Jell-O molds reside in questionable '70s cookbooks and not modern kitchens, even in the South. Rosie the Riveter predates even the '50s. Nothing about this, from fusty lyrics to fustier vocals to women-are-fickle-but-good-fickle feminism, suggests it was written in the 21st century, let alone by "Country's Ballsiest New Supergroup." Who is this for? The kids are listening to Kacey Musgraves and Lil Nas X. The grownups are listening to country artists -- including some of the solo Highwomen, probably -- whose songs sound like they're inhabited by real people, not the speechwriters for corporate retreats. Industry folks are undoubtedly listening to this out of pent-up goodwill, which would be better directed toward commissioning repertoire that doesn't sound like it'd be dated in 1989. Extra point because at least it's responsible for the best thing Dierks Bentley has ever recorded. [2]

Stephen Eisermann: The idiot members of the Deplorable Choir have been all over my Twitter feed this week, so much so that I almost doubted if I ever wanted to listen to women of country collaborate for a track. I'm so pissed this song didn't show up immediately after I first saw that horrendous performance because this track, with its rich harmonies and empowering lyrics, elevates country music in a way that melts the iciness that has developed around my heart in recent years. These are the women that are leading and should continue to lead us into the future. [8]

Thomas Inskeep: Better in theory than in practice, mainly because the song's lyrics are just the slightest bit kitschy. But goddamn if Brandi Carlile, Natalie Hemby, Maren Morris, and Amanda Shires don't sound great together, and are given perfect country production by Dave Cobb. Even though I wish I liked "Redesigning Women" a little more, it still whets my appetite for their debut album, because I know there's even better to come. [6]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox]

[silvertonguedslavicwitch]

Πειρασμός | Peirasmós

Chapter 15 : The More The Merrier

A/N : I have a little surprise for you guys <3 Read and you shall find out~ There might be a lack of Hvitserk and the vikings, but I just thought focusing on Erika’s story would be fun ^_^

She was given a tent to sleep in, but the entire night Erika couldn't sleep without thinking of the possibilities that will influence her future. The moment dawn comes gracing the early morning, she had gotten up and dressed herself in a spare dress she got from Judith. Judith and her had an understanding for some empowerment and views on the new world. They don't particularly had to like each other but they do respect one another for the same reason. Erika was an image she favored. A princess that grew and molded herself into a perfect stature that of a future Queen. Although the latter never actually understood why everyone was so adamant into prepping her to become a ruler since a child. It was clear that she had declined the crown in favor to her younger brother, and that she would only be Queen once her brother had passed away.

Though the young princess never thought she would be a Queen Regnant, but rather a Queen Mother instead, seeing as how things were going towards the path of her brother striving in his youth. By the time his brother passed away due to old age or illness, she would have already had children; heirs for the throne. But the future could never actually be foretold by anyone. Anything could happen.

Stepping out from the tent, the raven haired princess made her way into the woods with a quiver in her hands. She had taken it from the tables earlier and thought she would do herself some good venting her frustrations and worries elsewhere; somewhere that doesn't include impaling anymore Saxons with an arrow. She's done plenty of killing them anyways. Once she has been venturing deep enough into the woods with no intrusion from anyone, she took out the bow and notched an arrow before directing it towards a tree. The first crack of hole she made into the tree became another and more came to follow afterwards.

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By the time the sun sets high to mark the noon, she had already hunted down a few rabbits tied up with a rope around their legs. Picking up the stray arrows from the tree bark she's been hurting since dawn, she placed them back into the quiver neatly before going back to the camp. As soon as she arrived, she was greeted with a worried Aethelwulf who looked as if someone had stolen something from him. By the looks of it; something very precious.

Quirking her eyebrows cluelessly, she pondered why he looked that way. But just as she was about to ask, she was engulfed with a bear hug from the Saxon King. It took her by surprise and she almost dropped the bow and four rabbits tied into a bunch, in her left hand. “What did I do?”

Alfred come trailing behind him afterwards with his older brother, Aethelred, where both lets out a huge breath of relief upon witnessing the princess. “We thought you were kidnapped by the Northmen. We couldn't find you when I went to call you for breakfast.” Alfred explained and Erika only nodded as her mouth formed an o.

“I went out for some fresh air.. And got a few rabbits while doing so.” With that, she raised the string, showing the rabbits to them who only chuckled despite having a worried look plastered onto them.

“We thought you were taken away from us. Again.” The sudden remark from her old friend made her frown. He was referring to the first time he heard the news of her capture in Algeciras. It had haunted the King back then, to lose his cherished friend and ward like that. In the hands of the Northmen, no less.

“No one is kidnapping me, Aethelwulf. Never again. I'm a free person. I go wherever I want to go,” she reassured lightly as she placed an encouraging pat on his shoulders before heading inside. When she saw the two princes still standing outside, she turned around with a playful look marred her face. “Well someone needs to skin them and I already did the hard work of hunting them. So it's not going to be me.”

That earned a few chuckles for the three royals as Aethelwulf beckoned for his sons to go help their guardian. It gave him a swell of delight to see her communicating so well with the two princes. Alfred grew into a wise and matured prince. He had his way with words, Which reminded him of how well Ecbert and Erika had taught him in his childhood days. Whereas Aethelred grew into a exact mirror image of him. A great warrior is the making. While his moves are aggressive like his father, he had a calming sense of nimble surrounding him while also being fierce. Like a lion cub who would actually pounce despite looking calm most of the time like nothing was bothering him. An air Erika exuded.

The princess had only been gone from their eyes for only twelve moons or so, almost a year. Yet, the Saxon royal family found themselves missing her presence. She was a realist. A breath of fresh air they needed.

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They had lunch together. The table was inhabited by food and graced by the presence of Aethelwulf, Judith, Bishop Heahmund and the two princes; Aethelred and Alfred, alongside their guest, Erika. She had told them of her current arrangements with the Northmen when Judith asked her what happened in Algeciras. The topic of her marriage and holy sacred matrimony union with a Viking Prince; none other than the third eldest son of Ragnar Lothbrok himself, had particularly ticked Aethelwulf off. As if sensing the tension brewing in their atmosphere, Alfred and Aethelred refrain themselves from asking questions towards the princess.

“There's no use in frowning over the matter, Aethelwulf. It's done. I'm married to a Northmen. A Viking Prince. A heathen and a Pagan. You don't think I haven't thought of this revelation every night since?” The Russian knew how everyone was viewing her now. And she has had about enough of it. All the judgemental looks and remarks. The generalization and assumptions. She hated it before, and she hated it now. It hasn't changed. If anything, it fueled her more than it used to.

“An annulment is not impossible.”

“Excuse me?” The moment those words came out from his mouth, she couldn't believe her ears. “Are you seriously talking about an annulment on a lunch table? This isn't the place, Aethelwulf. I'm sure there are better things to discuss about, other than my marriage life.”

“I'm just saying that annulment is possible for you. You said it so yourself, he's a Pagan, therefore he is not entitled to our holy Christian ways.” He had continued as if the conversation was the most normal one he's had.

“I can't. Honestly, I can't even if I wanted to.”

“Why not?”

“Drop it, King Aethelwulf,” she gritted her teeth, her grip on the spoon getting more tighter as the seconds fly by. She didn't want him to pry into her private life, not in front of everyone while they were eating. She should've known better. He was Aethelwulf. He never gives up without a fight. A trait so similar she should've seen it coming. “I mean it.”

“No, I want to know why you are not so keen into divorcing your husband. It was an arranged marriage, is it not? One for your brother's benefits but not your own?” He was poking into her and she was left with no choice but to answer his tenacious self.

“It wasn't a problem now.”

“But it was a problem then?”

“I did not mean tha-”

“Then, what do you mean, Katerina?! Hm? Why are you evading all the questions. You shouldn't be the one who keeps the secrets, Kat.” The sudden rising in his tone had made the princess back away against her seat. She was surprised with the sudden scowl that marked his face.

But she wasn't about to give up without a fight either. Both of them were too stubborn and egoistical for their good, no wonder they matched off well together as friends all these years. Standing up to face the King in defiance, she scowled just as well. “I went off to find my way. And I was captured in doing so. I spent two moons being a slave to the Northmen. One who would end up being my husband, a person I am tied to for the rest of my life. I resented it and could not accept it the first time. But I grew up, Aethelwulf! I. Grew. Up. I stopped being selfish and started to remind myself why I am living till this day.”

Shaking her head in dismay, she stared at the King with a look of disappointment. “I have done everything for the sake of others. You know that. Everything I do was to contribute into the success and prosperity of my brother and my kingdom. My country. My people. It has always been that way. I learned to accept it and now I live with it. There was no point in regretting anything. Regretting would not make me happy nor could it change anything. It doesn't make it any better!” As her eyes well up in tears, so did her her tone drop into a much more softer one. “It only means I know I'll be burdened by the fact knowing I could regret all day and still would not be able to change what happened. So yes, Aethelwulf, forgive me for not wanting to think more on this trivial matter. Because you know I would rather waste my time investing into something that will be worthwhile instead.”

Cleaning up after herself, she excused herself as she make her way back to her tent. The moment she set her foot in, she kicked the basket that was sitting by the table and plopped herself on the chair, staring at herself in the mirror. Her reflection made her upset and angry. She used to be a master at discerning any emotions, she had kept them dormant and invisible to the public's eyes. She had no idea why she was so emotional for the past few weeks now. Each day was becoming an emotional episode in everything she does.

“What is wrong with you, Erikaterina.”

She was a big emotional mess. It feels like her brain is emitting everything sense of her empathetic side to fight against each other.

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“I wish you would listen to me for once!”

There it is, the two fighting again. Despite their long term friendship that stood on solidly for so long, they sure had a scarce amount of fighting. Not. Erika was always dubbed the coyote whilst Aethelwulf was always seen to be a lion. A lion with a King's crown now. Whereas the coyote is still holding on to her princess crown. This time, they were bickering about the stance of their plan.

This morning, the first thing Erika did when she woke up was apologize to the King for her behavior she showed that night before; which was over two weeks ago. It took her that long. Of course that did not happen when she saw the lion discussing battle tactics with Bishop Heahmund. She wasn't offended or hurt that she wasn't informed of the plans, if she were them, she had every reason to doubt her loyalty too. Especially ever since she has mad either clear that she stood with the Northmen, seeing as she will always protect her brother's best interest. The alliance was an important step in his reign to show his dominion and power over the other lords in the East, as he was able to stop the problems occurring from the vikings.

But what infuriated the raven haired woman was that, Aethelwulf had decided to attack York again. While it was still heavily fortified. No doubt the coyote in her just came out and slashed every possibility of bragging rights back to him when she placed an exclamation mark on saying it was a futile plan. If others haven't seen it yet, pride is a big thing for most of them. Mostly for the two. They will never be able to give up their pride any day. That was their fatal flaw. A similarity they confided in each other.

“And why do is that, again? What would you suggest we do then, Kat? They are starving, this is the best chance to strike them.” Shaking her head at him, she pointed at the south section of the city on the map.

“You have underestimated us the first time. And got a lot of your people killed. Are you willing to do it the second time, knowing you have a more likely chance to be beaten again?” That had triggered the rising temper from Aethelwulf who huffed in response, clearly not liking the conduit she was playing at. “I'm not telling you to give up. I'm telling you to be smart about it. If you are going to attack, make sure it's at the right time. I'm pretty sure now's not it. You may think it's hard to trust me as I may not care for the rest of you.” People were right. The aftertaste is such a bitter one.

“But believe me, I care for our two Saxon princes very much. I wouldn't want them to die so uselessly this early. I hope you will take my words into consideration, your Majesty.” Feigning her curtsy, she exited the tent, inhaling and exhaling at an uneven pace. The tolerance within her has burned out. Too quickly. It was too quick. Usually she was not this short tempered when she could solve things diplomatically.

Erika placed a soothing hand over her chest and rubbed it a few times, trying to calm herself down as she took a bow and a quiver full of arrows as she marched off into the woods. Searching for a spot, she perched against a tree and loaded one arrow into her string and aimed it at a deer who stood not far from her. The sounds of the string loosening the arrow to the target gave her a sense of comfort. She was about to take the arrow out when she heard a few shrieks coming from a close distance.

While she was searching for her sword, she forgot she didn't bring it with her. Oh well, her bow and arrows will have to do it. Fortunately for the Russian princess, she had her dagger with her. That's more than good enough, depending on who her opponent might be. Or opponents. She sneakily trudged through the trees and saw a dozen or so vikings being killed off by the Saxon soldiers.

She was about to get a proper look when an arrow whooshed into her left side, just merely missing her left cheek. Widening her hues, she got into defense mood as she notched an arrow, pointing it towards one particular Saxon soldier who was going to reload his arrow but thankfully for her, she was faster. Stepping out from the trees, she still had her aim directed towards the soldier. His companions pulled out their swords and she tsked. “4 against 1. Against a petite woman, where did you soldiers learn your manner. Certainly not so gentlemanly of you to shoot an arrow to an unarmed woman.”

“You weren't exactly unarmed.” A familiar voice broke through, coming from her behind. Turning around to face the said person, she almost lowered her guard when she saw it was Alfred. She lowered her hold on the bow before placing the arrow back into its respective place. “What are you doing out here anyways? They must've mistaken you as one of the Northmen.”

“Well, I was unarmed the first time. I was just out hunting because your father made me want to kill someone and it's not a good thing to be around a camp full of soldiers who could tip me off by just bumping into me, my sweet dear prince.” She narrowed her hazel hues at the younger prince who in return, only let out a jovial laugh. Clicking her tongue in annoyance, she glared at the soldiers. “I was literally wearing my attire. I don't even pass off as a Northmen, so I don't see where you got your logic where I might be mistaken as a Northmen.”

“Come on, Rika. We should get back. We have a lot of things to skin today.” He pointed towards a cart full of dead animals hunted down by the now dead group of vikings.

“I am not going to skin anything today. Afraid the blood makes me.. Nauseous.”

The look Alfred had given her was probably one mixed with absurdity. Erikaterina was nauseous when in the presence of blood? What sort of sorcery had befell the young princess now? It was a statement even the Saxon prince had a hard time processing. “You're telling me, you, Erikaterina.. Is nauseous around blood? What happened to you? Are you sick or unwell?” When he went forward to check her temperature, she slapped his hands away before scowling.

“I'm fine, I'm just-” However, before she could finish her words, she felt a bile coming up her and went off the trails to let everything out from her system. Her hold against the tree bark had tightened as she coughed out whatever it was out from her. Truthfully, she's been experiencing vomiting and nauseousness since two weeks ago, hence her mood being very wrecked resulting her apology being delayed.

“You were saying?”

“Oh shut up.”

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Throughout their journey back to the camp, she had tried to avoid Alfred's endless questionnaire session. She wasn't really feeling well for a while now and it was getting more severe now. At first, she thought it was the food or something. Now, she's not really sure. So she spent the entire day in her tent, up until she actually declined any offer of food because she didn't feel like she could digest anything.

That was until Aethelwulf came in her tent, with a man trailing behind him. Judith, Aethelred, Alfred and Bishop Heahmund were also with him. Positioning herself to meet them clearly, she groaned out in exhaustion as she tried to figure what they were here for. “Why are you in my tent?”

“Alfred told us you were sick.”

Erika then gave Alfred a look that says ‘really now?’ and he only responded by shrugging. “Traitor...,” she mumbled. “Nothing is wrong with me. I've just been nauseous all week.. Well two. Maybe it's the digestive system..I don't know. I haven't been eating well before anyways.” She dismissed it absentmindedly but it wasn't nearly enough to shrug them off the matter. “Or maybe it's God's way of punishing me.”

Aethelwulf then beckoned for the man to check on her, to which Erika did nothing but comply as she didn't exactly have the strength to say no. She's been vomiting severely for two weeks. There's only so much she could take. She isn't prone to sickness after all.

After a while, the man who she found to be their healer said she was fine with only small signs of fatigue and restlessness. “See, I told you. You're being dramatic..” She grumbled as she tried to brush herself off.

“You were a bit puffy, Rika. Almost bloated.”

“If that is your way of telling me I'm getting fat, just you wait when I'm alright again. You best sleep with your eyes open, cub.”

That was when Judith presented her idea; an idea that really made the princess gape. Why? Because it was the most absurd idea she's heard, even more absurd than Alfred's assumptions on her being sick. “Maybe we should check her pulse, Lord Richard.” While she also did not push the healer off, she didn't look pleasant, it almost intimidated the healer himself.

The twinkle flickering in the healer's hues however had raised questions from everyone in the room. Even her. “Well?”

“Congratulations your Highness, you are expecting a child.”

The look on their faces and hers differed by a mile. She was still trying to process everything in and it was taking much more of a while than she thought it would. Is that why she's been having such symptoms? Because she was with child? “She is with child?” Judith asked, an excited grin gracing her facial features. Because pregnancy was a blessing. But was it to her?

“Children, really. I sense a faint pulse of the other. It's slightly faint but it's there.”

“Twins!” The delight coming out from Judith was even more than the actual person carrying them. Erika was still in a trance. Aethelwulf thanked the healer and he exited the tent, leaving the royal family to be alone with the Russian royalty herself.

“You have been vomiting since the last two weeks, you said?” Judith took a seat next to her and asked promptly, and Erika nodded. “That would mean you've at least been about 8 weeks pregnant. How have you not noticed it earlier?”

“I have no idea.. I was too busy with things, I guess.” Of course she could be pregnant. Even before kindling her relationship with Hvitserk 4 weeks ago, they have been married for almost  three moons. It was truly unexpected for her. It should be a good news but Aethelwulf wasn't looking too happy for her. He asked for them to leave him to talk alone with his long time friend. “I guess now you can say, I have a solid reason that's for myself, not to leave them.”

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A week had passed and she still could not truly begin to even wrap her head around the recent revelation. She didn't speak much and only ate a small amount, to which Alfred always had to remind her she now has to eat for two more. A reminder his father didn't seem like he liked to hear. Aethelwulf would be happy if the child didn't end up being the spawn of a Viking. But nothing could be done now. Here they were, eating dinner while the princes and King discussed their battle plans with Bishop Heahmund. Aethelwulf still wishes to attack them as he is convinced they were starving and burning their dead now.

After her pregnancy reveal, he did not allow her to go outside anymore for safety reasons. However, Erika couldn't stand by and hear the absurdity lacing the Saxon King's suggestions. He was not thinking clearly and was driven by his heart instead. “This is stupid.”

“Excuse me?” Suddenly, all their attention were shifted towards the princess who shook her head. They weren't sure if her words were directed to them and wished to know what she was saying.

“You're doing it all wrong..” Sighing to herself, she went on to tell them it was too early to make a decision. It was too quick of one. They mustn't be reckless. “I haven't known Ivar for that long but during the time I do know him, I studied him. And he is much more smarter than he would you on. He's a growing strategist, Aethelwulf. He probably wanted you to think he's burning the dead. Do not underestimate it like you once did.”

“I know what I'm doing, Katerina.” The petulant hard headed King insisted his plan would work and no one had the bravery to question his judgement. Bishop Heahmund did earlier and suffered a heavy scolding from him.

“Fine. Go ahead. Go in and see which one of us is right. But just know, anything that occurs, it is all on you, Aethelwulf. All those death. It will be on you,” she scoffed and placed the silver cutlery on the table, a scorned look present before her face. “But then again, you've been responsible for many deaths already. Surely a few more wouldn't bother you.”

As she stormed out of the tent to go back into her own, Judith kept telling the males that it was all the pregnancy symptoms. Her emotions were wilding and sometimes she wanted to rip their heads off because they annoyed her to the point of no returning. The ignorance Aethelwulf was exuding made Erika groan out in distress. Sometimes she wanted nothing more than to slap the sense into him.

Alfred came through the curtains of her tent's not long after, plopping himself next to her as she stared at her reflection in the mirror. Her emotions were mirroring her current look, which was a deep dive of contempt. “You know father didn't mean his harsh tone. He's just burdened by a lot now.”

“I don't know what is what anymore, Alfred. I feel utterly and completely lost.”

---------------------------------------

The entire night last night, Alfred spent his time in her tent talking to the Russian princess who seemed like she could use some company. The tender sweet friendship between the two were a long term one, much like the one she possessed with his father. But the love she felt and bore for the younger prince were slightly different. It was possibly due to the fact that she has taken care of him since he was an infant, up until he has grown up into a teenager. He had to persuade her to eat dinner together with the rest, where she would initially decline because she didn't want to argue with Aethelwulf.

They were best of friends, Aethelwulf and her. But their arguments go deep sometimes, as deep as their bond went. It was a fair price, somewhat. After multiple attempts of pushing her to the main tent, the youngest Saxon prince succeeded in convincing Erika to dine with them. Aethelred chuckled at his younger brother's triumphant look. When the bowl was placed before her, Erika scrunched her nose up in distaste after staring at it for good few seconds. “May I request for a tester?”

“We're not exactly in the position to bring testers around, Kat. Just eat.” Whilst others dug in their food, she did not. Clearly, she stopped for a good reason. Staring up to meet her eye level, Aethelwulf rolled his eyes. “This is not the time for you to be playing princess.”

“You and I both know why I always ask for testers.”

“You're being paranoid.”

Huffing in response, she pushed the bowl away as she glared at the Saxon King. It was bad enough that their endless bickering and banter did not subside yet, she did not wish to add more but he was making it very hard for her. Or was it just her?

“I'm not eating.”

“Don't be ridiculous and childish, Katerina. Eat.” The slight growl that slipped up from him had made the others eat in silence and truthfully, it surprised her, who gave up and grabbed the silver spoon and took a scoop of the porridge in the cutlery. She was about to eat it when the guard standing not far off from where she stood suddenly stumbled by the table and coughed out. But that wasn't what piqued her attention. It was the substance he coughed out.

Blood.

The poor soldier clawed his own throat as the lad suffered in silence, not being able to breathe properly due to his windpipe being stretched thin. Others ushered to his aid while Erika sat still in her seat. “He was the one who brought in her distinguished specified food due to her Highness's condition. He probably ate a small portion.” Soon enough, he lets out one final breath as the air leave his body. His ears began bleeding and so did his nose.

“He's experiencing hemorrhage. Internal bleeding inside him.. He was poisoned.” She mumbled, standing up with a tired look that made its way up to her features. “I'm not hungry anymore.” Stepping aside, the raven haired princess led herself out back to her tent to be with herself. Alfred and Aethelred had looks of confusion to what has happened. Poor princes were clueless and oblivious to what was going on.

“How did she know that, father?”

“And so the stories and rumors of her assassination attempts since a child were true after all,” he exclaimed. It was the first time Bishop Heahmund had spoken about the Russian. The rumors that surrounded her were hard to dismiss easily. The mystery that shrouded her entire persona were one of the most complicated cases he had ever seen.

It was no wonder the poor princess grew up cherishing life in every path she could walk through. She was taught that second chances such as that were rare for someone like her. That every day she lives, marked another day she became a survivor.

---------------------------------------

[optimisticcritique]

Gotham 4x17 - Review

The season is getting close to the end, things are about to get crazy(er). Let’s see what crazy stuff happens this week. Tagging characters that I mainly focus on in the review. Sorry if it is kind of long.

Getting right into the action! Go get him Bruce!

How did Jerome have time to get dressed, meet back up with Scarecrow, release Tetch, and send Tetch to hypnotize the guy before Bruce got there? He wasn’t that far behind Jerome. No GPS? Was he stuck in traffic? Maybe Tetch hypnotized his way through the traffic to get there first. I mean, that’s what I would do if I could hypnotize people.

Xander…yeah, seeing spoilers, I predict this is Jerome’s twin brother, right? This is the one time I wish I hadn’t seen spoilers, no big reveal.  

Oh boy, he has a bomb. Duck and cover!

See, now Jim and Harvey aren’t that far behind Bruce. Did they take the short cut?

Bruce trying to help the guy. I love it but I don’t know if it’ll work.

Question: Why did Tetch hypnotize the guy to trigger the bomb by a clock? Wouldn’t it make more sense to have him press it on like a key phrase (like “if someone asks you about Jerome/Xander, press it”) so that Bruce couldn’t have time to jump away? Or was killing Bruce (or anyone else) not the intention?

Shooting the clock! Quick thinking. Learning tricks from being a Tetch survivor.

Aaand he has a watch. Of course he does. Well, at least you tried.

Wait, it’s the dinner already? That happened fast. How did Jerome get them all together? How did he contact Oswald and Oswald just agreed? Did it take some time or was he reluctant at first? Were they all agreeable at first? Did he threaten them? Bribe them with free food?

This is the villain dinner I always wished for…if you had told me we would have all these villains together in one place seasons ago, I would have been floored. I probably would have freaked out, running down the street while yelling “Yessss! Bring me all the villains! A few years can’t come fast enough!!!!” as all the neighborhoods stare at me.

I love villains interacting. I also love seeing characters that have been previously introduced, having scenes with one another that they have never shared scenes with before. It’s the individual character build up and mixture of personalities.  

The only thing missing from this wonderful dinner is Ed :( I guess The Riddler isn’t considered “freak” enough for them…

“Put all questions on ice until the end” Awe the ice puns. Well great, now I want to know what Victor’s question was going to be. I do love how he just raises his hand, like he’s in school and trying not to interrupt the teacher.

“Mr. Oswald” lol well, that’s an interesting choice. I would have thought he would call Oswald by his Penguin name. Really gives me Ed flashbacks to “Mr. Penguin”, which is fun.

Oh Oswald looks just…I have no words. What a fashion icon. I love his fur coat and hair. Real perfection. Fish would be so proud!  One of these days, I really want to see him doing his hair in an actual scene, instead of being off screen. I’m curious how long he spends on it.  

This is Sofia’s old place that Oswald took over XD Wait, Oswald hosted? Option A: Jerome barged into the house and just told Oswald that they are having it there or Option B: Oswald wants to seem supportive, just so he can be involved and know what is coming for his city. Me: Probably both.  

“Anything for a friend” pfft uh huh. I bet. He is probably planning a back stab or just waiting for Jerome to fail.

Got to say, I wasn’t sure about the new scarecrow actor but he’s pretty good. His facial expressions are dead on.

Yeah, Oz doesn’t seem very keen on these plans. His facial reactions say it all.

He’s probably thinking either “What I have I gotten myself into” or “I should have made more food”  

Alfred!!! Where have you been? Been partying? Taking a spa day for a couple of episodes?

Jim, no! Let Bruce do his thing! Sure, he could potentially die horribly but be reasonable here…

Yeah, Bruce will not take no for an answer. Will Jim change his mind or will Bruce take on a mask again?  

“Maybe he wants him to build him something” You can’t fool us! We all know what he is really after!

Yeah, that woman is probably regretting not calling in sick to work today.

Jerome trying to whistle… it wouldn’t surprise me if that is the only thing he hates about his new stitched up face. Who cares that his face is different…he can’t whistle anymore!!!

“Don’t bother going to security! They are all…headless” Wait, you have a gun. You could shoot them in the heads but not cut off their heads. How are they headless?  

“Drop the gun!” “Oh you are such a stick in mud” Would you have preferred a western style shoot out or for him to just be like “Oh hey Jerome. Go on ahead and do what you do with the gun. Have fun” as he casually walks past you?

Xander knowing Bruce’s father…hmm…

“What time is it?!” Tool-no-Mail-no-Extra time!!! “Riddle time!!!” …that was my next guess.

Wow, everyone is so loving this. I guess this has been going on for quite awhile.

Speaking of which, what did happen between that pier scene and now? Did Oswald and Ed become friends again? Make a deal? Just go their own ways? I feel like there is something missing here.  

Oh, you know Ed is just loving this. This reminds me of that episode back in season one (1x09?), where he is listening to a game show on the radio and answering the questions as he is working. You know that was one of his inspirations for this!

Bet you that brief case has no money even in it. The Riddler is just that cocky.

“The street demons!” Lol the way that he says that! I just love it when he does voices or accents. Pulling out all the stops to make things extra.  

The Riddler totally doesn’t even seem like he cares about what is going on in this guy’s life.

How happy he gets when he hears “Riddler”. Not many people have called him that in the show yet, have they?

“I’ve fallen on hard times but happy to be here with you Riddler” I relate to this on a spiritual level. Ed making my week better <3

Ooh this Lila has the best get up. Please tell me Ed made it himself.

Lars, you are over thinking! Don’t ever over think it!

I would half expect the crowd to give out answers but you just know they want to see people getting tortured.

“Rabid sack of rats” Awe man, I was hoping for the barracuda stapled to the forehead….you know, for curiosity purposes…

“Enough!” Nooooo! Never! Don’t ruin this Lee!

I actually saw an interview right before this episode, with Cory saying the episode will end “hot” and “romantic”. It won’t surprise me if Lee/Ed kiss by the end of this.

Wow Lee, you look stunning. Love the new hair.  Also love Ed’s too.

What’s up with the new hair styles lately though? First we mourn see Jervis and Harvey getting their longer hair cut. Now we see Ed and Lee both have hair cuts, with Oswald serving up a new hairstyle. Did we miss a national “change your hair day” in Gotham or something? Or did one person do it and the rest got jealous so they changed their hair too? Or did the actors all decide to get new hair styles at the same time?

“We put Oswald on ice” you make it sound like you both attempted to kill him or something. The vagueness.

So I guess Ed knows about Sofia. Is he impressed with her doing that or not so because she didn’t finish the job?

“Whatever the hell this is, it’s over” “I don’t think so” I’m just waiting for this to be turned into a reaction gif. Like, people upset about something to Gotham writers and Gotham writers going “I don’t think so” or vice versa.

“And my name…is The Riddler” Awe so we are on this again. So, he still isn’t whole. Funny how he is still saying this to people a season later. Also, Oswald called him Ed…but maybe it is because he called him The Riddler first? Or “because we have history” thing? …Even though he and Lee technically have history too, with working together at the GCPD.

*challenges Ed* First: Lee that is bold and I am impressed with you. Second: Noooo! I knew this was going to happen but I didn’t want it to happen so quickly. We only got to see him have one contestant, who we didn’t even see get tortured. Let Ed/Cory have more fun! Let us have our showman Riddler!

Who is this woman? Just a random character that’ll die this episode or the next?

Umm are you implying Jerome is a dog? ;) Also, isn’t that cage a little bit small to fit Jerome in? I just picture her trying to push and squeeze him into that cage, just barely closing it.

Oswald and Butch reunited again! I kind of missed their…complicated relationship to be honest. They also have a long history, probably knowing each other as long as Oswald knew Fish so I can only imagine what Oswald will think of this new Butch.

Oswald’s eyes when he sees Butch. Yeah, totally unprepared for that.

“I will be honest, I like it…” It’s like when a friend pretends to like your bad hair cut, even when they know it looks bad.

“Just came from brunch with Jerome Valeska…” Oh yeah, that’s a great way to start this. He says it so casually, like it was just an everyday civil affair with food and great conversation. Bet he thought he would never utter those words though XD  

“Seemed to involve a great deal of paint” lol that was totally not the point of that, you forgot to mention the mass crazy Ozzie.

Oswald wearing green gloves with that outfit.

“You must be all out of allies” “Don’t be modest” Yeah, he still has Ed as an ally so he isn’t COMPLETELY out of allies. He has…one….

Again, what happened with Ed and why Butch? Option A: He asked Ed, Ed refused, saying he wanted to do his own thing. Option B: He started to ask Ed, Ed talked about a Riddle factory and he immediately went “yeah, nope. Never mind” Option C: He knows Jerome will want someone who is a “freak” to add to the group. Oswald also wants someone strong (let’s face it, Ed is not) and not easily killed. Butch fits that mark, not Ed. He doesn’t want Ed to get involved with this mess either. Which I think is the most likely. Option Q: Forgetting own writing.

Oh, you just totally made him angry. You won’t like him when he’s angry! …Wait, totally wrong universe and different comics.

Okay, I know you look bad now Butch. But look at the bright side, you’re strong, you’re practically immortal, and-with a good hair dye and spray tan-you could look fairly the same. Think positively!

*pushes Oswald on the floor* Nooo! Don’t ruin the majestic hair and coat! They must be protected at all costs!

I don’t know why but, even though I already love Oswald, this episode has made me love him a million times more… *stares at his hair and coat* Not sure why…

“like a flower” well, that choice of words is threatening but also not.

Oh sure, you only want them involved when you want something. It’s a two way street, Jim. Now you have to let him risk his life and you can’t say a thing.

“I love you” In your own twisted way, I bet.

*does a heart with his hands* Jerome fans: Awe that’s what we do when we see you on screen… :’D

He’s freely letting Harvey and Jim in? No booby traps? It kind of looks like a place that would have traps like that.

Ecco! In the same episode as the riddle factory…Some say this woman would be Harley Quinn because she is devoted to this guy…I kind of doubt it. There is also an Echo who worked with the Riddler (although I think Query was the blonde, not like it matters) The name is spelled wrong so she is most likely a throw away character but…why Ecco? Why use a similar name to tease fans?! Why?!    

“Oh my god, there’s two of them!” Oh Harvey…seriously, this is a Cameron/Jerome fan’s dream right there. Not one but two? Alittle over a season ago one didn’t exist and the other was “dead”.

“Please don’t touch that! That is very sensitive equipment” Yeah, sure looks sensitive to me. Especially the couple of buttons that turns it on.

Jerome doing yoga because why not?

Him waving right when Jim sees… o_o It’s like he knew…  

How much you want to bet that someone followed Jerome? If Firefly followed to the office, you can bet he didn’t go see Ecco on his own. It’s the only way I can see him getting out of there.

“She thinks stapling a live barracuda to someone’s head isn’t damn good entertainment” The nerve! Wait…did he just say “damn good”? Has he ever said that word before? :O But your fake swearing was so pure, what has the world done to you?!

I think it is interesting that he only puts his hat on when he speaks a riddle.

I’m not going to even attempt these riddles. I suck at logic.

Scenes like this make me wonder if we will ever get a “whole” Ed or just get this Riddler from now on.

Wow. Who knew the Riddler was so upset about all this?

Lee’s face…yup, she got what she wanted. Smart cookie right there.

The Riddler totally played himself.

Haha! Called it! Knew he would be followed. Don’t underestimate him.

“If I knew this thing was a 100 acres, I would have stopped and had a sandwich before we came” Harvey, you are so relatable. I don’t blame you. My ship of Harvey + food continues to sail. The ship I can always count on <3

“The End” Wait, is the episode over? Is this where the story ends?

Wow, the acting right here is so good. I keep forgetting both Jerome and Jeremiah are both Cameron.

“His bearded sidekick” Hey! He has a name and thy name is Harvey!

“Born bad” that’s lousy reasoning.

Ooh so he lied? Well, this intrigues me. I am so skeptical of this guy. I just know there is more to him than meets the eye. I don’t believe this facade!

“You killed our mother” “She did deserve it though” Lol no care whatsoever. Again with the lousy reasoning.

“Listen to what I have to say” “Oh hell no! You are not hypnotizing me again!!! AAAAAAAHHHHHH!” *Jervis and Jonathan run for their dear lives as Harvey charges towards them* ….LOL Oh my god. Harvey, you are a blessing to this world. Most iconic moment. He is so done with Jervis. The way he just let out a war cry, causing the duo to flee is just…it’s beautiful. I’m dying. I will never be over this. Favorite part of the episode. Batman should take notes.

Jim being like “Welp, okay then” as he follows Harvey.

Just imagine Harvey chasing them all around the maze, with the video sped up and silly music playing. Or slowed down with suspenseful music playing. 

“Must go! Must go! They’re after me and the Scarecrow!” Oh my god I love this so much. I am going to put this on a loop forever.

I love how Jonathan doesn’t even try spraying or anything. He just follows Jervis wherever he goes. I am loving this duo.  

Jerome watching them run off like “whatever”.

*can still hear Harvey screaming* Me: *is dead*

*kisses Jeremiah’s head as he flees* Awe brother love…nothing like wanting your sibling dead and in misery one minute and kissing him in the next.

Whoa. That disappearance happened fast. Did he find a prototype invisible jet or something? Or did Jervis just have the car right outside the door, Jerome leapt in, and they drove away as fast as possible? Scratch that, they are totally hiding on the side of that building, shushing and tip toeing away.

The Riddler being all cocky and smug. Yeah, you probably won’t be feeling this way in a few minutes…

Hey, even I know this riddle! Oh, I see what you are doing there Lee.

It’s simple Ed. Just look at the audience as you say “I love you”. There you go!

Wow, he is pushing Ed back so much that he risks losing in front of an entire crowd.

Lee outsmarting him, good on Lee but sucks for the riddle factory :( I feel robbed.

A little bit late but I’d like to imagine Ed making all of these props himself. Cutting out a giant wheel, painting it, sticking two giant beakers together…

Wait, Oswald knows how to reverse it? Will it actually work though? I kind of feel like it would be a bummer to get rid of Grundy after all this…

Hugo Strange! Of course it’s Hugo. If it is monster related, it’s always Hugo lol

Yay! Oswald and Butch team up once more!

Poor Ed losing his riddle factory. A loss for us all :’(

“they didn’t come here because they love you, Ed” Wow, that’s harsh.  

“Because I know what you really want…” Validation? Wait, no… Lee:  *pulls out the glitter suit from thin air* The Riddler: :’D You found it! I thought I lost it!

Knife to the neck! Always going for the neck.

Oh, they are totally going to go on a robbing spree. Does Lee really need the money? Or is this also a way to appeal to The Riddler to get him back on her side?

….

I am reserving any specific opinion/judgement on this situation until I see more of it. But I definitely see some manipulation at play here. The question is, is it just one or both manipulating? I am actually a bit surprised Lee would play this card.

Oh, I can just imagine reactions from others. Jim, Harvey, Oswald, Butch, Barbara…they all have a decent history with both of them.

The music is the same music that played when Ed killed Kristen. Hmm…This does not bode well. It never does for Ed and anyone he is involved with.

“I don’t know. I thought it already was” Oh, you have no idea how mad this city can get Harvey…you don’t even technically have the Joker yet.

No! Not Carl! We hardly knew thee. Justice for Carl!!! 

*Jerome punches Grundy’s shoulder, shakes hand* Parallel to when Ed high fived him and did the same thing. Probably like hitting a brick wall.

Joker toxin!!!

The Jervis reaction XD Like, he knew the plan right? He looks so shocked.

Everyone’s reactions emoticon style: Jervis: 😮Jonathan: 😬  Jerome: 😆  Bridgit: 🙂 Victor: 😏 Butch: 😕Oswald: 🐧  

Oh god that looks painful. Looks like the “fun” is about to begin.

Man, if Jerome does end up dying, I won’t know how to feel. Jeremiah intrigues me and I think he will eventually grow on me but...he doesn’t have the same history that Jerome has with the characters. Why even have the twin twist? ...I guess I’ll just have to wait to see how it all plays out before deciding what I think. I will say, at least Cameron will still be playing him so it isn’t gypping him from the role.

Over all: Good episode. I felt like some of it was a bit fast paced. I was a bit surprised by how quickly the dinner began, Jerome got his info, the riddle factory ended…that being said, some good villain interaction and Harvey being amazing. The legion of horribles succeed in finding Jerome’s twin brother Jeremiah, the GCPD to put Jeremiah in protective custody, the Joker toxin has been created, Ed/Lee kiss while deciding to go rob banks, and Oswald recruits Butch in promising he could reverse his condition by finding Hugo Strange.

Previous Review: 4x16  Next: 4x18

[tessatechaitea]

Batman #48 & 49: The Best Man

[offworldcolony]

Zack Snyder's Justice League, 2021 - ★★★

Daddy Issues: The Movie.

I'm conflicted about the existence of this film; as an exercise in studio interference it's fascinating, as a parable of what can happen when fans rise up, it's a cautionary tale, and as the shape of things to come, it's questionable. I don't think fans should get to decide anything; hiring the correct filmmakers and giving them creative freedom would be the ideal option because you give the people what they need and never what they want. What they want, as evidenced by everything, almost always sucks and they're left unhappy anyway. And this film might be the exception that proves the rule.

And although Zack Snyder's Justice League was a film worth creating from the butchered remains of the original incarnation, it shouldn't have come at the behest of how much vitriol was cast out there in the process, and it shouldn't be a signal that a rabid and butthurt community of internet trolls that believe they deserve whatever they want, exactly as they want it, should ever influence the film industry ever again.

This should instead be a reminder to Studios that they know about as much as Marketing departments or gamblers or stock market traders: they're just pissing in the wind and when it lands in the toilet they claim it's by some kind of design of their own making and brilliance. Hire somebody good and get the fuck out of their way. At least if it's shit (like this film basically is) it is the fault of one person's vision and I'd rather have a noble and coherent failure than a luke-warm, mediocre carcass of a Frankenstein's monster made up of opinionated Suits, en-vogue and focus group-driven decisions acting only as a commercial for toys like 2017's Justice League was.

So the film itself? It's incredibly enjoyable, I had an absolute blast with my family round watching it like an old-school movie night. Is it a better movie? Yes, 100% in practically every way. Is it a good movie? Nope! But it's one person's coherent vision, I just hate that vision and I don't think he pulls it off.

Snyder constantly undercuts his own good ideas by his own execution, stumbling into his own sandcastles; some sequences have some really fantastic starts and then they're shot and edited in a way that makes me crawl inside out with cringe; singing a Nordic-style Aquaman song: great, having someone really close up sniff his jumper and sing right at us: horrific. And there's legion of these terrible choices by Snyder, usually things that don't make logical sense but mean he can do something because it's simply cool. (Martha Manhunter anyone?) But we already know by now that cool on its own isn't enough. Snyder doesn't. Having Batman say "fuck" isn't cool, it's dumb. Having Superman say a cocky (rubbish) one-liner when he saves someone from Steppenwolf is out of character, it's dumb. More than once I was able to predict what a character was going to say before they even said it. Come on, this isn't Trey Parker and Matt Stone's Team Justice League.

On the undeniable positives are the colour grading, score, the reels of added and altered material and more. Most of the added scenes are way, way better, more coherent and the film looks great actually. It does look Olympian and classic as I imagine he wanted it to, like the cave murals Diana sees. The extra character and coherence allow the jokes and interactions to breathe; Wayne is a little funnier, Diana, sadder, Cyborg, actually here for a change with something to do, and seemingly powerful, and Flash (thank god) not annoying. Even Irons' Alfred gets basically the best material and comes out of it my favourite character. Truly the Alfred of the group.

What doesn't work with this is that there's so much slow-mo that it becomes laugh-out-loud funny and goofy rather than impressive and dynamic, and in a 4-hour long film, you'd better be damn sure that amount of slow-mo is necessary, even in the slow-mo shots you can palpably feel they drag on for a few seconds too long each time.

And my god let's talk about the soundtrack. So Snyder has now consistently proven himself to be awkwardly tone-deaf to good music in all of his films. He can't pick an appropriate track, he can't pick an ironic track. Every time he does one of his patented slow-mo, nothing sequences over a full track of music (it feels like) it's so awkward I almost got up and left my own fucking house. There's like five of these.

But the action here (apart from being blasted in the eyeballs by insane amounts of bright lights) was all really genuinely good here, he's got it down, the dynamism didn't feel stodgy and CGI-ified, wasn't just a big invulnerable guy bashing someone aside for ten minutes, they fought as a team, it looked and felt fun, and at times, really tense and involving. It's a huge step up from whatever they did for the theatrical. The Amazonian stuff was motivated, gripping and grand. Anything with Steppenwolf felt imposing and had heft and tactics to it. Bravo.

Speaking of Steppenwolf, his Middle Managers and Head Office in the form of marble liquid Henchman, Darkseid and CGI Anette Benning(??!!) felt like strange meaningless additions, as did the anti-life equation shit (this is what Marvel doesn't do, they're expert-level at exposition for newcomers and easter eggs for fans combined). Darkseid looked like a troll, neither imposing nor unique or cool, and I'm not talking an ordinary troll, I mean one of those shit ones that gets turned to stone in the sun, not even a proper fighting troll. He looked like the first mini-boss encounter in a Lord of the Rings videogame. But...

But Steppenwolf looked awesome and I actually liked him here and his Simp for Daddy schtick. I laughed at him a lot, but like Synder I had a lot of endearment for him and his cute, sad, hopeful eyes. Daddy please love me! I promise I'll do better! I can't explain why he worked this time but he did. Maybe it's because the story felt interesting (dumb but at least it all made sense internally) and it felt grand in scale and scope and had stakes and whole added motivations for everybody.

Speaking of what else worked, yes I enjoyed the 4:3 aspect ratio, I thought it would just be Zack Snyder wanking himself off again (see: Justice League: Dark or whatever they'll call his upcoming Black and White version) but I kind of loved it, it was almost euphoric and actually did replicate some of what going to the IMAX felt like. I liked feeling like these colossi of comic books were towering above like statues.

What didn't work was that the chapter headings had nothing to do with the chapters at all or anything that happened in them which felt strange. Also, characters over-egg their lines as if we're dumb and keep stating the obvious in such a first draft way that I felt myself getting stupider.

One of my main gripes is if you keep trying to one-up yourself, these character do not feel understandably epic and powerful. They're all kind of idiotic and silly and po-faced and posture so much and say snappy one-liners and prance around like Chads. Snyder thinking he’s some kind of subversive genius and all that is sweet, but most of time I'm laughing at his cloying fan-service. He's the kid that keeps telling you how great he is and you don't mind because you can see he's got no friends and he's been bullied. Snyder isn't as aggressively dumb and bullish like Michael Bay is, for example, and Snyder's movies are largely coherent. But he's trying too hard and I just don't like his vision. As little elseworld graphic novels this kind of shit between Batman and Joker works, or in films like Joker you can do some out-there things, rather than in this, a mainline, flagship series.

Zack Synder is a little like a first-time Dungeons and Dragons DM trying to impress his table with all his edgelord grittiness and "vision"; He is a child that has two figurines and is smashing them together and yelling "Look! Look what I'm doing! Superman is beating everyone up! LOOK!" Zack Snyder's Justice League is simply, more than anything, endearing. That's the best way I can describe it.

Endearing.

And this film being endearing means I can't hate it, even though I think it's rubbish; because if a child builds a fortress of Lego, it's not exactly the Taj Mahal, but it is impressive. But when he knocks it all down I'm right there yelling for him to pick up all the destroyed pieces now because it can't always be playtime. A film can't just be spectacle and chaos and whatever-the-fuck-you-want. It has to be about something.

Justice League is about nothing. The Dark Knight was about Chaos in a system used to Order even if there was chaos inherent in the order. And it asked you to look at that chaos vs unbridled chaos. With both Dent and Joker as two sides of the same coin; chaos and order, and it put that paradox or that choice to the people of Gotham. It was about surveillance states, money, and sacrifice. And so much more. The Dark Knight subsequently became timely and timeless.

Justice League is about nothing and it will fade into nothing because of it. The euphoria will pass. It's OK it exists. It OK that we move past it now.

source https://letterboxd.com/offworldcolony/film/zack-snyders-justice-league/

[inappropriatefangirlneeds]

Gotham s4ep5 “The Blade's Path” Personal Review 

“Don´t worry people will talk”

Warning spoilers below  

* The Episode in which no one can do their Job without bloody CRITICS. HARVEY BULLOCK thinks he is doing his job freeing the licensed criminals JIM GORDON brought in thinking he is doing his job. Both disagree with each other. “That's above my pay grade, pal. I just, uh, bust the bad guys.” Then there is also ALFRED PENNYWORTH and Jim who still want each other to do their jobs (well). They still are in nagging mode but team up to find Bruce.

 * There is a place people named “slaughter swamp”, people made a sign writing “slaughter swamp” on it?! Also those people kill a helpless patient that´s one thing but do they have to be joking jerks about it? Yeah I know some people make jerky jokes to cope ??!?! * SOLOMON GRUNDY approaching guys outside the swamp. What is this Frankenhulk?! The colours of the scene, the “don´t hurt the monster” rhetoric, the children´s (?) song, the fire that all reminds me of Frankenstein adaptions. Weird. * Why is the guy he hit asking “who are you” with his last breath? Is he expecting to report him to the police after he wakes up? That is a question that troubles Grundy, and yeah I get that it emphasizes this issue for the audience but what reason has this guy to ask this?

 * BRUCE WAYNE & ALFRED PENNYWORTH have a dispute about who understands what. “I see.” “No. You clearly don't.”  //  “Taking a life, never mind how justified, will lead you down a darker path than you could ever possibly imagine. I know. I've been down it. You understand me, Master Bruce?” “I understand.” * “It is my FAULT” Bruce is luckily still taking the blame for Alex death, he´s not overlooking his involvement in it. But yeah Alfred & Jim are right it´s still Ra´s who is the murderer.

 * ALFRED PENNYWORTH & JIM GORDON are a joy to watch.  “Look I am telling you this as a courtesy.” Pretty sure Jim can think of some better curtsies ..  someone write this please..... Anyway once Bruce run away to break into Blackgate they team up. Alfred can even make me like the overdone has 500 weapons in places you don´t wanna know about joke enjoy but dear .. that choice of words .. same Jim, same. Alfred keeps up Bruce´s Billionaire Brat Act up by suggesting he might have bribed his way into the prison, otherwise you know .. people might start to think he could have climbed over a wall.  The prison guards show them round but just the all the wrong ways.  * And you know I´d really like to have seen Jim´s time in Blackgate to have had more impact reflection and introspection wise but I take what I can get they at least reference back to that incident that week and quite well. Jim is like “Hello I´ve been here before” and none of you assholes punched me during that time something is wrong. 

* “My Name is Bruce Wayne” that might have gotten him out of breaking into a prison but unluckily the guards are on Ra´s team so that name verhallt wie Schall und Rauch. That attitude of “my name´s gonna buy me free” is insufferable but on the other hand if you have that card why not play it to save your ass.  * “You weak foolish boy”   You weird freakish mummy ..  RA´S AL GUHL gets stabbed by Bruce just like he wanted. The inscription, just as Bruce suspected does not mean the knife is to be used by but against him (“it is intended for the one who has bathed in the healing waters”) just that he is wrong about Ra´s wanting the knife to keep it from being used against him. Immortality is a curse. Ra´s want´s to be stabbed so badly he even threatens the not yet existent loved ones of Bruce. (And that´s Cersei levels cruel that actually gave me chills .. nice)  But if this was his plan along I´m pretty sure there would have been easier ways to accomplish that, and I would not have needed to sit through that plot. The talk about an heir falls flat. And his death was strangely anticlimactic. (Okay except that last bit where his lower jaw dropped a bit .. I giggled) I know that could have been to focus on Bruce and the effect this deed has on him. This was not a big boss battle to be the fulminant end of a long fight between two foes no spectacle on purpose because this should shed light on the characters .. but .. it´s Gotham ..  I suppose that´s not yet over ..

* BARBARA KEAN & Ra´s relationship should be over before we actually saw it!? Also she seemed to enjoy his company but also expected a reward, of course that´s not a contradiction per se but opens questions. Also just tell me what he gave Barbara! Please let it be something awesome and something she enjoys! Naive? Probably .. 

* “Just because you know you're capable of doing something doesn't mean it has to happen again.” Okay but is that JIM GORDON missing the point and projecting?! I still don´t believe that the Virus in Jim´s ear that told him he is a killer actually brought out the worst in him (Jim just isn´t, he´s stepping over bodies if he deems it necessary but he´s not a bloodthirsty killer who enjoys it) rather it voiced a fear he has (stored very very very deep down in him, that doubt he pushes away about his deeds). Which would absolutely explain that line because otherwise he´d just kind of miss the point. The upsetting thing is not Bruce suddenly turning murderous, the upsetting thing is having ended a life. But I see how Jim “criminal´s lives aren´t worth much especially not if weighed against non criminal lives” Gordon might have issues with that concept.  * “Now, you may not feel like you're that kid anymore, but I know that you are. One who believes in doing good. In fighting for what's right. Who will do anything to keep the people he loves safe. Nothing that happened today changes that.” And that is Jim Gordon after browsing tumblr and liking that “be the person that you would have needed” post (which is a wonderful one no shade on that).

 *“I´m not the hero Gotham needs”  BRUCE WAYNE feels guilty about being responsible for Alex´s death and taking a life. He wants to burn his suit.  That´s the Bruce Wayne I wanna see!  ALFRED (needs another slap with the newspaper) PENNYWORTH can´t let him do that. He claims he was wrong, Bruce can make a difference, the whole thing has become bigger than preparing for Ra´s return. As soon as Bruce feels ready.   Well at least he has the curtsy to wait that´s something I guess but that´s the point where Alfred´s guidance crosses the seriously shady line. If Bruce wants to step back you let him and you let him without interfering or paving the way back.  * “This will be waiting for you” Uhm yeah, if he still fits into it that is .. kid is growing fast.  But the added that Alfred will wait for him too was sweet.

 *  “Come on, you people have pills for everything!”   Yeah I wish. I so wish.  EDWARD NYGMA is way to adorable, and funny. Omg those scenes. He is too good. “Fogginess of the mind. Decreased capacity to think ten steps ahead. Inability to solve riddles” Why do I relate with those symptoms.  Oh and I really love that for once it is shown that getting stabbed through the hand or something like that hurts like a lot.  * Why has Edward´s suit Polka Dot lining ?! * “I´ll even consider a natural remedy”  Ed you had three bottles of that in your place! (St.Jonn’s Wort, Echinacea & Ginkgo leaf  from N a t u r e ’s Answer) 

* I´m not sure if I like that they brought Butch / SOLOMON GRUNDY back but at least the interaction with Ed was entertaining. “I can´t even help myself” * Ed doesn´t want to help him until he sees use for Grundy. I´d really like to see them bonding a bit over the “Who am I” issue but I doubt that will happen. * Grundy calling Ed “smart” was too precious! (And some niceness that´s not manipulative for once) * Ed´s plan:  muscle > money > smart  ( > memory )  I´m not sure if he intends to keep his promise but I´m quite sure that lying to Grundy about his and Butch´s friendship will come back to bite him in his green ass. * Is CHERRY a cousin or something  of JERI? * How, why, does Ed know Cherry´s place? Would he have found a probably underground fight club that fast in his state? I´m assuming no, he must have been there before. Watching ?  He looked delighted when entering ..  

* LESLIE THOMPKINS Leslie, honey what are you doing? I doubt she would not have gotten a fine nice job somewhere. Why is she in this place. She does not seem to be happy about it even the slightest bit. Nor does she seem to care about anyone´s well being. She´s still a doctor, at least let her keep that part of her identity? Okay I´m in rant mode not even knowing where they are going with her character, let´s postpone that a bit.

  * Does anyone know what song it is around 10:50  that can be heard playing in THE ICEBERG LOUNGE ?! It seriously gives me flashbacks to The Stranglers: No more Heroes in 1x15. (Didn’t I have a gifset for this? Have I posted that? Did I make it? Am I imagining things? No I think I totally did something with the no more heroes .. where is it)   I think I´d actually like visiting the Iceberg Lounge if that musical theme continues. 

*“Numbers Mr. Penn” Am I becoming a fan of Mr. PENN?! I think I am. I´d really like to steal the man´s job though. I know barely anything about statistics but I can learn and I´m good with lists. I can do this. Penguin must like/cherish Penn since he kept him around after losing the crime list to Bruce. Or is this already known?   Also did they really name that character Mr. Pen(n)?!

* OSWALD COBBLEPOT & SOFIA FALCONES interactions are a joy! They are even more joy if you just enjoy them for a moment and think they could actually be allies.   Their banter is wonderful “100%” “Now you´re just rubbing it in” And I love how Sofia is picking up the Penguin characteristics “send those outlying criminal elements scurrying back under your umbrella” It makes me really think her choice of words with Jim was very deliberate too! * Oswald letting Penn read the “kill Sofia” to do list point was wonderful .. “Add a question mark” * Sofia offers Penguin the support of her name, they shall eat in public. She even got Gertrud´d recipe. Where did she find the recipe ?! How, Where ?! How?! No srsly, I´m usually a fan of just let things like that slide for the sake of enjoyment but that bugs me.  * Someone tasting his food like that would only work if he has some magic ability to taste poison (was he someone from Indian Hill .. ) but his face looked too worried for that * Ghost Goulash. Ugh.  Oswald is done with the taste of it. Sofia not knowing if he liked it or not was sweet but I did not like his reaction. That´s just so over the top. What is this ratatouille?   Also you´ll never get a recipe on spot like that. They would have needed to know where she bought the ingredients and probably used the same pots with greasy patina and in general there´s just so much going on with cooking that can´t be in a recipe and stuff and things. Also there´s just so many ways Goulash can taste.  I don´t like it, the scene I mean.

* Sofia visits him at his club again.  I did not quite get why door guy let her in ?! “There was only one person in my whole life who ever did things for me without wanting something in return. And that was my mother.” “Then I envy you. My father never helped anyone unless it benefited him. And eventually it drove away everyone who loved him.”  This is not only putting her in a light she wants to be in it also doubles as warning that would support Oswald seeking a relationship with her. Actually it´s three things at once. Girl you are so good. And for some reason I like that not so sleek outfit so much better.

 * When Sofia first got in the Iceberg Lounge she saw Oswald putting away the Ice from his injury. When she is there the second time she sees him visibly struggling with pain. She offers a massage and advice about treatment laced with another emotional story about her childhood and her harsh father. Moreover she mirrors Gertrud´s singing with her humming.   * This is LIZA  2.0 and  50% of me want Oswald to see through this. I found it odd that he would let Sofia see him in pain like that, that he would let her touch and see his injury from which even he himself turns his face away. He has never let it get into his way in the slightest and suddenly he is dropping his guard like that??  So that half of me would be delighted to see that this is already Oswald manipulating Sofia right back! Three steps ahead Oswald from Season 1 ! Then there is 50% of me who would actually be delighted so see Oswald believing that someone can be kind to him. Oswald being able to be vulnerable and open like that. Oswald accepting comfort. Sofia and Oswald as a team would be sweet, I think they could really add to each other, in another time, in another life .. 

* Were there umbrellas on his socks ?!

[bertann]

PLL: Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow.

I have put off writing this post for as long as humanly possible but now I fear I can’t run from it anymore. It has officially been a month to the day since Pretty Little Liars has ended, I know it’s a cliché but it does feel like it was just on yesterday. How do you begin to explain your feelings for something that changed your life? I had talked about PLL ending at breakfast with Norman Buckley and he asked me a question I had not yet answered: “How did you feel about the big reveal?” I paused for a moment, made a face and went back and forth for a moment in my head. “Yes and no.” I replied, “I had thought it was melissa but I loved Troian’s performance.” He smiled, “You know, sometimes as a showrunner Marlene has to make a choice between shock and not making sense and what makes sense but doesn’t shock. Especially when actresses can’t make it in their schedule.” And that was all I needed, that was the closure I needed. That ended the long journey I had started so long ago. So, I guess we should start from the beginning.

A few years ago I had reconstructive jaw surgery on both sides of my face, whenever I opened my mouth, yawned, tried to chew, etc. both sides of my jaw would dislocate. The surgery had a very long recovery time, a recovery which included that I couldn’t talk for two weeks- so I did what every normal person would do when they have free time and I decided to go on Netflix and find something to watch. I had seen the previews for Pretty Little Liars for as long as I could remember, and yes, if you may ask- I was one of the “oh this looks dumb” crowd. The over the top gasping at everything in sight, the dramatic looks they would share, I thought it cheesy and preposterous. And then I watched it.

As a somewhat film buff and an all around obsessed fan of Alfred Hitchcock films, the mystery, suspense, and characters drew me in. And that was it. I was hooked. I had missed the train for the “Mona is A” train and something in me knew I had to figure out the next big reveal, I didn’t know why or how but I just knew I had to do it. Fast forward to season 4 and I started picking up on patterns in the series and piecing together, eventually it hit me. I had looked at every single character and could pinpoint their meaning in the series- all, except one. Cece Drake. For the life of me, this enigma of a character captivated me from the moment she stepped onscreen, she knew too much about too many people and connected to too many plot points just to be a side character.

Eventually I studied every clue, every movie reference and scene, I connected every event and it pointed to the one person I suspected most- Cece. I made a video on it and eventually Nick messaged me saying he found my theory. We theorized together ever since, and eventually Marlene took notice that we not only got The Who, when, where, but we had actually gotten the why as well. After 6×10 was aired we knew that we were completely correct in our theory, The years and years of research and watching paid off and Marlene took notice. She invited Nick and I down to California to watch them film 7×11, to that one meeting I owe my very career.

I had been speaking to Norman for a couple of years thanks to his involvement on the weekly twitter hashtag #BooRadleyVanCullen created by the incomparable Heather Hogan who introduced me into an entire queer community I had no idea existed. I had never grown up with queer girls around me so for most of my life I was the only one. They introduced me to the 100, and Clarke and Lexa’s relationship and we mourned when Lexa’s character was smacked down by a man who did not love or appreciate the LGBT community. I decided to go to film school, to write the stories that I, and many others wish to see and I wrote my series Bearcat Alley as I took a screenwriting course. I then spoke out and found countless others who had stories like mine, and thus Clexacon was born out of the devastation felt by many. There I met my Producers Amanda Moon and Tatiane Amnuar, who I found only after Tatiane spoke up in the Lost girl panel asking Emily Andras if it was hard to pitch to a queer audience, her replying yes, but that it was hard. That we should look around this packed room and see the proof that stories that do well by us are not only worth telling but make a difference. I approached them afterwards telling them I had a story I would like to give them, they gave a smile and told me to contact them

That very night I sent them my script, almost immediately I heard from them after- Tati regularly reminds me of what she said, “I couldn’t sleep all night with these characters in your head.” And thus, here I am- only one year into college and I’ve gotten a series picked up, one that I know would mean a lot to underrepresented people, and we’re building a team to make it happen. I started this journey at such a low place in my life where I had no idea who I was or what I wanted, now I’m at a place where I know what I want and who I am.

Now, as I’ve said for a long time, I love the show but I have a lot of problems with it. The fact that emily’s relationships weren’t treated the same as the other straight couples, the fact that they unnecessarily made Cece trans and then kill her, the amount of queer women of color that were killed. The fact that the most popular relationship on the show was between a young student and a pedophile, the dropped storylines and dead ends. People often forget that we can criticize something that we love so dearly, and I not only criticize but I learn from the mistakes they have made and what they got right. This show changed my life, made my career, and helped me find myself and a community that cares and supports each other.

This blog will stay up forever, and I will continue posting theories for other shows like Wynonna Earp. But should you want to help donate to make my web series as well as other pieces of queer content please donate to:

https://www.patreon.com/HighTideEntertainment

I don’t know how or why all of you stuck with me as long as you did, every message, question, challenge, everything you gave and put me through made me who I am today. I’m here because of you, and I hope I can return the favor in the only way I know how- through my writing. I love you all more than I could ever explain, and I thank you for sticking with this mess of a show and Tumblr page.

-Rachel Watkins

[fastxandxtardy]

OOC: It’s been a long long time

Hey everyone. I’m so sorry I have been gone so long. I only just now managed to watch the Flash finale too. Which, omfg, I think it was a good thing that I waited so long for watching it because it made me feel even more depressed

I can’t promise I’ll be here regularly again but I’ll definitely try.

Things aren’t going so well. The more I learned, the more I started to realize that I don’t have an identity. It’s hard to explain but it feels as if some parts of my development stopped during my early teenage years. As if I’m only now going through puberty. It’s also fucking frightening and sometimes it’s just way too much. I feel at war with myself almost constantly. I was always unsure about what I wanted in life but I didn’t think it was that deep. I always had to take into account what others wanted from me in order to not get punished or hated. And after I got out of that abusive situation, I focused everything on trying to get a college degree without even knowing if that is what I want. Now I still don’t know what I want or need. It’s all question marks. I’m even questioning my lack of interest for intercourse. Maybe that’s because of me not having fully matured yet? I don’t know. Even the decision to never have children of myself. Right now I still stand by that decision, but what if that mother instinct kicks in when I’ve fully matured? By then it could be too late. Those are things I’m wondering about.

I also get angry. That is the most frightening of all. I don’t know how to cope with that feeling. Sure in the past I could get annoyed, but it was never worse than that. Or it was sadness instead. But now I feel real anger and hate and idk. Maybe I foolishly thought I was just too nice a person to have that feeling. I don’t know what to do with myself when I feel that. I can’t yell or something like that. I hate yelling. I always cringe when someone raises their voice in an angry manner, even if it’s not directed at me. So I wouldn’t be able to do it myself. I can try to write things down but I don’t know if that really helps.

I also have a very strong feeling like I don’t belong on this world. Or at least, not in this society. Maybe it’s also still because I haven’t fully matured yet. But my thinking, my logic, it’s just so different from other people. And the way this world functions... it just doesn’t work for me. My group members have said that I’m refreshingly naive and even unworldly but that for my own sake, I need to broaden my world so that the naivety fades. But I don’t know if I want that very last straw of myself - that I can still hold onto - to fade away too. Then there’s also the pain and emptiness I feel because of the past. Some part of me was broken and it doesn’t feel like it can be fixed. Sometimes that makes me feel really desperate. Those times it feels like things will never get better and that pain, that sorrow will keep returning my entire life. It makes you feel completely hopeless. The last time I felt that low, two weeks ago, I looked up information about ways to commit suicide. It’s never gotten that far before.

Afterwards, I was shocked of course. And the following quote also helped me to realize that and come to my senses again. “Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.” That really struck me. But I can’t say it’s entirely out of my mind now. It never is these days. There’s always the thought ‘I wish it could all end.’ Every single morning I think ‘Here we go again.’ Because the pain never seems to end. And it’s stupid things that can trigger it. When I see parents with their children, or hear my group members talking about their children. It aches. Every time I look at myself or fail at something, I can hear my step mother in my head mocking me. I’ve come to realize that the way I look at myself is the way she looked at me. My thoughts have molten together with hers during those 6 years. That’s what I also mean by having no identity. I can’t see myself because I look at myself through her eyes. And I don’t fucking know how to use my own eyes. That’s so damn frustrating. I KNOW all these things and can’t do fuck all about it.

Because of all that the therapeutic team has decided to let me stay longer. Normally my end date was 22 September but they can see I need longer. I need to come to terms though with the fact that all my problems can’t possibly be fixed in that time period. I need to give myself time. Something I have difficulty to accept because I’ve already given it 8 years time! When will it ever be enough? I’m just so tired of it sometimes. It’s exhausting.

I do my best with the therapies and all but it’s all theory. Easier said than done. Getting it into practice is what I’m still failing at. My fears too. Goddamn spider phobia. I was supposed to go home today. I did go home, and luckily my roommate decided to walk with me to come check my place to make me feel safer. Big fucking spider in my room of course. All that theory about how to deal with fears helped nothing in the face of danger. All the exposure exercises I already did... It changed nothing. I started panicking, crying, hyperventilating and cowering beneath my bed sheets while my roommate dealt with it. And I came back with her. I couldn’t stay there. Even though she killed it, there was no way I could have stayed there. I was soaking wet from the panic and looking red everywhere even an hour after. 

5 months and nothing changed. I don’t think it’s strange I’m losing hope here.

I’m not going to fully go into what I thought of the Flash finale. Other than a few highlights. Maybe I can go in more detail another day.

MY BARRY BETTER BE BACK BECAUSE DJFLSDJFDKSFJK > <  (I cried and sobbed and my roommate was shocked that a TV Show could have such an effect on me) and Savitar is a mean manipulative asshole! Goddamn it, I was totally buying him agreeing to getting help from team Flash. Barry and Iris were totally genuine about helping him! That was just so cruel! I was so so proud of Barry for taking the high road like that (inspired by Lenny omg!) I was like “Yes! That’s my baby!” and then that mean bastard! I sympathised with him! I was so ready to give him a second chance like Barry did because I BELIEVED him, and then he just went around and tried to kill everyone! (And screw him I was so digging the idea of Savitar wanting to change! If anyone ever wants to do something like that RP wise... hit me up ; ) or dark Savitar is fine too. I’m a sucker for Barry/Barry) And HR ;  ; like, I knew someone had to die but... fuck. That precious cinnamon roll. And just BARRY! I can’t even. He needs to come back okay. MY Barry. I’m now afraid that he’s going to be very different when he comes out of the Speedforce. I heard on YouTube that Grant said he’s going to be evolved or something. I really hope that doesn’t mean Barry won’t be Barry anymore. Barry is my baby. I love him being someone who tries to see the good in people. I love how he’s still trying to find out what kind of hero he wants to be and how far he’ll go when it comes to justice. That he’s willing to give even the villains second chances! Even if it doesn’t always turn out right... Like with this goddamn bastard Savitar! But it’s that same characteristic that made Barry able to see the good in Len too. And actually inspired Len to be a hero! It’s also that which made Eo somewhat conflicted when it comes to our Barry. He still very much hated the Flash, the one he knew in the future, but he obviously cared about Barry and realized he was different. Even going as far as to say the reason why he hated him didn’t matter anymore. (Yeah, I still miss S1 Eo. I’ll always keep missing him.) And to end the whole Barry thing, anyone can say whatever they want about Barry, but I will defend my baby until the end of times. He did not deserve that. This can NOT be his finish line. Stupid Speed Force.No one should have to be in there. You know what else is frustrating? I still had a lot of questions regarding Savitar. Guess I will never see those answered then.

I also watched Gotham and wow that... I mean, some things were so cliché, the whole virus thing. (although evil Lee was HOT - I mean whut > > ) it made my eyes roll. But then BRUCE nearly killing Alfred because of the conditioning that Shaman or whatever he was did to him. BARBARA finally getting roasted. Quite literally too. But holy shit, by Tabby! That was a shock. Where did that ship go so wrong? I never really warmed up to Babs... she was way too over the top for me and not in a good way like Jerome or the Riddler are. She had her great moments, but overal she was just annoying to me. And her acting like she was better than Tabitha? Uhm no. I actually liked their relationship before she got such a massive ego. And I didn’t particularly like Butch but the way she constantly bossed both of them around was really obnoxious. Batcat completely got killed too. (let’s hope it doesn’t last) And Nygmobblepot... like... I love Oswald. I adore him. God knows I shouldn’t. There’s just something about him that always makes me feel sorry for him and root for him. He’s always kind of been the underdog. But what he did now, when you think of it, is fucking creepy. Kinda disturbingly excitingly dark too, because of the whole extremely possessive aspect about it. The ‘If I can’t have you, no one can.’ thing and also ‘you’ll be mine one way or another’ vibe of it all. I don’t buy that he doesn’t have any feelings other than hatred for Ed anymore. Maybe not love right now, but definitely lust. I see that as more plausible a reason than “I want you around as a constant reminder to never make that mistake again.” for keeping him as a trophy. If he felt nothing for Ed at all anymore, he would have killed him and mounted his head on the wall or something. But no, he made the very conscious choice of leaving a way open to bring him back. Ed’s frozen with Fries’ formula, not dead, technically. Also Os’ “I’m fine for now.” indicates there is still a lot he plans on saying to him later. Once he feels that Ed has been punished sufficiently. And in a weird way they’ll be even then. Whether Ed will see it that way remains to be seen of course. But come on, Ed, you’ve both done horrible things! Either way I believe that Oswald never intends to keep him as a frozen centerpiece for his club forever. The acting was once more superb. Robin Lord Taylor always keeps amazing me.

Okay, by now I’ve been writing this post for several days already ^^' oops. While I didn’t like the horrible feeling the Flash finale gave me because of what they did to Barry, I am glad I watched it so that I could finally come on here again. I missed you guys <3 Things won’t go back to the way they were - yet - but I’ll try to visit occasionally. I hope you’re all doing fine!