#i prommy im alive im just. at work a lot

[narfin-frood]

sorry for relative inactivity....some screencaps i took of hole lotta nuthin last night

[squidpedia]

HI I’M PEDIA, MASTERPOST DOWN BELOW BUT HOLD ON REALLY QUICK READ MY FAQ:

Boundaries on reposting, dubbing, and pfp’s?

Dubs and reposts are ok just let me know please so i can check it out (and give credit duh)! Send it to my inbox or dm’s or something, anything, pleaseeee I’d want to see!!!!! PFP’s also don’t need permission, just include credit somewhere like your bio!

Do you like [other show/video/series]?

Maybe! All my my non utdr fanart goes to @squidpedias-fanart so maybe check/ask there?

I sent you an ask a while ago/tagged you in a post but you never responded, did I upset you somehow?

NOOOOOOOOOOOO I’M JUST AWFUL AT RESPONDING TO ASKSSS OR TEND TO MISS A LOT OF NOTIFICATIONS I’M SORRYYYYYY YOUREE FINEEEEEE. ITS YOU AND LIKE 150 OTHER PEOPLE I PROMMY IM JUST TERRIBLE. don’t be afraid to rb it and tag me in the rb again, sorry for that!

I also sent you a dm but didn’t get a responce

Yeah my bad you’re far from alone and I’m sorry. I mainly keep my dm’s open incase of inquiries/concerns, but like otherwise when it comes to just dm chatting I prefer to limit that to my 18+ mutuals, sorry nothing against you, you’d have better luck with my inbox!

I liked this drawing concept you made. Can I make fanart, redraw it in my style, or make something inspired by it?

YEAH!!!! Flattered and happy I inspired you in that way!! Just 1) tag and credit me, because I would be so sad if I didn’t see and would love love love to rb it and 2) if it’s a redraw, try to link back to original post if possible (but I forget to mention that a lot so that second part isn’t as big of a deal)

What about writing fics?

A FEW OF YOU ARE WILD FOR THAT BUT YEAH GO OFF?????? Still let me know, give credit, tag me if possible, clarify any questions you have in the dm’s if you want! Id be happy to elaborate on literally anything!

What other socials do you have?

I have a Youtube, Twitter (for lurking only at this point), Instagram , Bluesky, and a Switch (SW-2670-2211-5056) (thats not a social but you should crash my splatoon lobbies)

Do you have any oc’s or personal works?

@an-unconscious-effort-comic and @dragontry-comic (neither stories are connected to each other and are their own projects)

Pronouns?

Any

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UTDR/UTY COMICS MASTERPOST

(uty comics are highlighted in orange if you’re more interested in the strictly undertale comics)

Clover’s Memories (ongoing - i prommy)

(12/4 - today i had the realization that maybe i should just redraw some of the panels if i hate looking at them so much to the point that i cant even finish coloring the lineart. So i did that! Yayyyyyy)

Silence | Memory 1 | Memory 2 | Memory 2.5 Coming Soon | Sound | Memory 3 | Discrepancy | Memory 4 | Static

Clover’s Hat (post revive au)

Part 1 /// Part 2 /// Bonus

Kanako Integrity Duo (really short mini doodle comics)

Reconciliation // Introductions // Ceroba // Chujin

Miscellaneous:

Kris and Clover Interaction // Clover’s Sacrifice // Frisk vs. Clover’s POV // Clover Tells Martlet a Secret // Who’s Your Friend? // Pipe Down // Family Visit // Unwell // Letter // Humor // Gamer // They // Kicked Out // It Keeps Happening // What’s In A Name // Clover’s Nightmare (i’ll probably make a cleaner version later) // Banter // Time

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TAGS:

#Happily Ever After and Then Some (HEAaTS?) -> everyone lives au (based on the events of undertale and uty) including chara, flowey/asriel gets his body back, fallen kids, where i offer very limited explanation for why or how because it simply makes me really self-conscious to try to come up with reasoning and really i just want to imagine these characters in fun and interesting scenarios. Theyre all alive, just go with it and have fun! Note this is not a comic series or anything, i just like doodling random scenarios sometimes. So a few comics, some doodles, whatever is fun rn for me

#Phantom integrity au -> someone sent an ask once about what if clover’s narrator was integrity. It’s a fun idea to explore and where I got the concept of Lilac’s design for! It’s not something I think about very often plotwise but I like drawing ghosty lilac. Ps if you wanna make your own content based off this concept, please go for it!! You don’t even have to use lilac, i call it the phantom integrity au and not narra lilac just in case someone wants to yoink the concept for their own integrity. I think that’d be awesome :)

#Deltarune Orange -> went crazy one too many 5am mornings in a row and started cooking this. Basically just my deltarune yellow take but i wanted a unique name and it has stuff to do, with orange

#Fallen Kids -> all posts talking about my designs and thoughts for the other 6 human souls and also clover is there too hi clover. Its mostly lilac sorry

#Pedias art -> self explanatory

#Other peoples art -> you should check them out please 🥺

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[prisonguards]

I am sending this ask because I need something to distract me while I am out of internet so feel free to ignore, or delete this. So hi! It's the person who mentioned the smallidarity life series partners thing and I am being pushy by just saying it now LOL

I think if they teamed up for a series, it would start with them finding each other and Jimmy wanting to team. Joel would light heartedly half joke about how he'll do it but only to show he's clearly the Superior player in the series bc he will be the first to MAKE SURE Jimmy doesn't die first as his partner.

They'd build a base together and Jimmy would be dragged into conflict after conflict because Joel likes to cause problems but Joel will come running to help him if HE causes problems too even if he's "late" (he was there as soon as Jimmy called) and complains about needing to save Jimmy from himself afterwards.

They are both loyal, but I think Jimmy is more loyal in the sense that I don't think he'd be capable of betraying Joel or hurting him in a way that matters while I can imagine Joel choosing to betray Jimmy but ONLY if it will garuntee him a win or at the very least something as valuable as a life when he needs it. [Joel is attached though. No matter what, he'd be so very attached despite his best efforts not to be.]

Jimmy dies first. I know Joel was the reason for at least one of Jimmy's deaths. Whether he lost his final life because of himself or because of Joel doesn't matter. Joel will be upset either way, and he will kill whoever caused Jimmy's death directly. And if he did it to himself, then he will kill whoever took any of Jimmy's other lives as revenge. He'd be a lone wolf for the rest of the series and while he may make an alliance of obligation with other reds or other non reds, he will never be loyal or attached to them like he was Jimmy.

Every episode he does without Jimmy will be spent making jokes about him while also simultaneously missing him and admitting to it on the very rare occassions. I don't think Joel would win but if he did, it'd be bittersweet I think. He won, he's happy, he kills himself to join his little buddy in the afterlife.

OH PLEAAASEEE. my internet was. SO BAD when I got your ask and I prommy I tried to answer it SUPER enthusiastically but it got eaten. twice. because of the bad data and then I forgot to answer it when I had better connection cause Im so scatterbrained. AND THEN I got back from vacation and got swamped with work and couldnt finish replying but seriously I could nawt want anything more. Life Series Smallidarity is my evvvveeeerything they mean. SO SO SO fucking much to me. you and your thoughts are ALWAYS ALWAAYYYYYSS so so so fucking welcome here in my inbox. PLEASE.... I adore them

ALLLLLL OF THIS IS SO GOOD AND SOOO REAL. you know them Perfectly. this all feels so so real. I need this more than anythiiing next season. I really do. I just MMMMNNGNMMMNG. you got them so perfect Im gonna SOB. I think they would meet eachother First again too. Like Joel is the first player Jimmy sees all season, and yup. they do their whole spiel where Jimmy asks something of Joel but this time Joel accepts it— its only to prove hes so much better than everyone else, than Scott and Tango and the whole goddamn Southlands because hes the fucking best and hell keep Jimmy by his side and alive when they couldnt.

They really would cause. soooo many problems. Joel is. Always so annoying (endearing) and so fighty and shitty and when Jimmy gets a little touch of confidence and ego hes SUCH a shithead too. theyd talk their way into a lot of problems theyd have to fight (or cowardly scurry) their way out of.

dunno if this is as realistic/in character but thinking abt Joel being the first red name again, or an early one. through either his own overconfident idiocy or. even. semi on purpose so he can be a violent mess. but they ignore the red rules and him and Jimmy stay allied. maybe Joel claims he keeps attacking Jimmy and trying to chase him off, but its not working. Jimmys too stupid (read; too loyal) to keep his distance. just the vibes of that 3rd Life era red x yellow/green allyship combined with Joels insane longevity and threat level as a red name in Last Life.

anon. anon I am speaking directly into your ear you have no idea how insane Joel post Jimmy death makes me. Joel expressing his loss and mourning through vengeance even if its (at least partially) his fault OOOOOOOHHHH. OOOOH OH. you get HIM and you get ME. the joking about him in his absence intercut with genuine care and missing him. when he does that it drives me CRAZY it would be even more batshittttt if they were direct allies

HE WON... HES HAPPY... HE KILLS HIMSELF TO JOIN HIS LITTLE BUDDY IN THE AFTERLIFE.... ANON YOU BROKE MY FUCKING HEARTTTTT. I think a Jimmy first dead and a Joel win while theyre allied would be INSANITY it would be PEAK thematic yumminess. especially with Joel being responsible for taking one of Jimmys lives. oooooh you have to sacrifice what means the most to you to win. this is a cruel fucking game and only loss and sacrifice and loneliness wins it for you.

anon you have made me do something drastic. help.

HELP

(I have started a traffic smallidarity PMV)

anyway silliness aside youve really got to the heart of why they would be suuuch a powerful and heart wrenching team and why I love traffic smallidarity so much. all of this is so real and canon feeling because so much of it has. happened before. even with them being only loose allies and there being. so little content technically. theres just so much potential there and if they were teamed it would be amped up even more and absolutely destroy me. anon I have been rotating everything you said and the traffic smallidarity possibilities in general in my head since I got this, youve really made my week (SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG I HATE BEING BUSY,,,,) and you really have such an excellent read on themmm, this is why traffic smallidarity is still my fav and what got me crazy abt them. augh. me when theres Them.

[irkenheretic]

Number 12?

damn yall really want number 12 dont u? fine, lets see who-

oh.

oh, no.

cerise (pronounced suh-reese as he WILL insist on telling you) is..... uh. a character. from the cyberflox arc, which is uuhhhhh

well the cyberflox arc spans one fic and im most likely going to rate it E for..... a few reasons (for reference, all other ANX fics have a rating of M at most)

cerise is... one of those reasons.

he, uh.... remember in pon's ask when i said he was almost executed as a smeet? well, some of those executions end with the debugger (the dude doing them) smuggling the smeet away and pretending to kill them, and handing them off to someone else who promises their life

well.... their life is now in a cyberfloxian warehouse, sold as a product to, er.... whoever wants 'em.

the shittily-paid warehouse worker is bad tempered and tends to shoot at clients, which is good! but theres only so many times he can get away with that until his boss forces him to sell to whoever wants 'em!

who wants cerise? well..... (tw for CSA. it's under the cut.)

pornos! pornos want cerise!

when he was in his early 30s (thirty cycles, not earth years- for all intents and purposes he's around the same as an earth 12 year old) he was eventually sold to a dude producing tallest-parody pornos. there wasn't anything special about cerise, he just happened to look very much like the other kid they bought, clem, who was bought for his purple eyes. since red eyes are super rare they basically accepted whoever would play red would have to wear contacts so they found the purple stand-in first and worked backwards

anyway. cerise blames clem for his situation and is very feisty with his ~new owners,~ even refusing to do anything with clem at first.

wait, refusing? well, why do they honor his requests?

because he's a venomous hybrid, that's why! good for him! you go cerise

er.... until his "boss" remembers that guns are long-range and gloves exist

but never mind all that! cerise is a very high and mighty dude. he's an asshole to clem and an asshole to everyone else. he's super abrasive and WILL insult you if you try to be nice, but can you blame him? hes got a lot on his plate.

and yes, him and clem eventually do escape. i don't like giving spoilers but i make an exception for these two because yeah.... i wouldnt want their situation to be kinda left hanging. they escape alive i prommy

basically cerise is that one john mulaney DUD YOU BITE THAT NICE MAN'S DICK? skit except he really DID bite that nice man's dick and then he fucking died from Venom Disease

hey, but at least cerise wasn't turned into sweet meat, right? RIGHT???

[feralseraph]

some thoughts while reflecting on suicidal ideation. just heads up this is really really long lol and i don’t expect anyone to read it i’ve just been jouranling a lot and i decided it was normal and reasonable to share these kinds of thoughts with 2k strangers on tumblr.

btw im fine i prommy im just like venting basically. and pls don’t reblog this it’s embarrassing stream of consciousness crazy talk <3

in the moment when you’re spiraling and feeling completely helpless you can only feel sad. after that moment has passed, it feels like “wow that was fucking dramatic”. it’s like being angry at yourself for thinking that somehow you’re too special to suffer along with everyone else. 

a lot of people don’t have it easy. so many people struggle their entire lives why should i be any different? do i think im better than other people?

i just want to tell myself to suck it up. it never works though, inevitably there’s another spiral and im stuck feeling like the saddest little weenie on the whole planet.

suicidal thoughts can seem irrational but it never feels that way in the moment. especially when you’ve dealt with it for so long. half of me tells myself im being stupid and it’s such first world problems but the other half of me is like, it’s always been this way there’s no other way to be.

the annoying thing about suicidal thoughts is that there’s always a little spark of hope. there’s always that devil/angel thing going on where you convince yourself life is meaningless and hopeless and there’s no point in staying but then you’re like well what if this happens and that makes it a little more bearable. for years i would just pray that the dumb little hope spark would just die out already but it hasn’t and it probably won’t no matter how much i’ve convinced myself there’s no point in anything. 

it’s human nature to want to survive. your body tries to keep you alive whenever you’re hurt. if you’re bleeding or suffocating or otherwise seriously injured your body is fighting to keep you alive even when you don’t want it to. could you imagine if your body didn’t try to stay alive? like if you got anything worse than a paper cut and you just endlessly bled?

not trying to make it religious. you can if you want, but i don’t really have that belief. what creature doesn’t try to keep itself alive? plants will regrow if a deer nibbles them too much. so yeah if you get hurt your body is gonna try to heal that hurt.

suicide. self harm. trauma. are all hard things to talk about and to hear about. well, everyone always wants the gruesome details but hearing about the thought behind it is way less interesting. 

because it sounds really simple that well, people who hurt themselves or who talk about dying are experiencing [quote from the DSM] and yeah but that also makes it seem like they’re being irrational

when you’re really thinking that life isn’t worth living it feels completely rational. you’ve thought of every avenue of trying to live and none of it seems worthwhile and you’re also just fucking tired. it doesn’t seem worth the effort. 

life can be really long or it can end unexpectedly. imagining a long life and sometimes you can only see how everything will continue going wrong forever. it’s  not just being pessimistic sometimes it’s seeing a pattern in your life where things keep falling apart. sometimes it’s seeing the world around you and feeling like you don’t want to be part of the insanity anymore. and no amount of hand drawn comics with fuzzy blue kittens or memes about all the sunrises you’ll miss can make you feel differently. who cares about the sunrise when you hate waking up everyday? who cares about the sunset when you have nightmares all night?

not saying that there’s no way to help people who are suicidal but that maybe the same approach doesn’t work for everyone. there doesn’t always have to be an approach of trying to find a solution to every concern they have. sometimes if you just let people talk it helps just to say it.

because it feels crazy. you feel like an insane person because who the hell wants to die? who’s that dramatic? at least that’s how it can feel. it’s really alienating and isolating to feel like you can never be honest with anyone because they’ll never see you the same way again. suddenly you’re a fragile little egg and they have to “check in” on you to make sure you haven’t finally cracked. i think it’s possible to keep people safe without making them feel like they’re under a microscope. 

obviously it’s hard to listen to someone talk about really heavy stuff and i wouldn’t expect people to always be down for that. sometimes it just helps to know that someone out there even knows that you’re struggling. because it feels so shitty to keep it all inside and maybe you don’t want to talk about it all the time. 

it’s not about making your friend group your personal crisis counselors. it always goes back to the idea that it’s not really acceptable to openly talk about struggling and that should change.  

it’s a tragedy when anyone feels like they can’t take another day in the world. there are so many things that need to change in order to support people who feel that way because it isn’t always just linked to mental health alone. things like poverty or ongoing abuse can exacerbate it. 

people really love true crime. they love hearing ghastly details of abuse and murder. but people can’t face the fallout from things like that. the people left behind after the case is closed who are traumatized. people like to satisfy their morbid curiosity but there’s real people on the other end of that. 

there’s no satisfying way to end a conversation about suicide. at least for me idk in the back of my head i’ll probably always feel like life is an opt out kind of experience even if i manage to find ways to make existence bearable. there’s never a perfect answer for everything.