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beanstalkedarchives · 6 years ago

Photo

Najla headcanons from Twitter! I drew for first 5 of them and then I got tired and wrote for the rest so HERE WE GO!

I’ve always imagined Najla’s voice as Brandy’s. Specifically the 1997 Cinderella movie. She also voices Leah from Osmosis Jones.

Najla can climb walls and ceilings. Realistically she shouldn’t be able to but Najla is a living outlier and does what she wants.

I say Najla has a mouth full of canines but realistically, she has some teeth near the back to make chewing easier. Her chompers are pretty bulky tho.

Najla tends to fold her arms behind her back when she feels happy. It’s her attempt to stop her tail from wagging.

Najla’s neck is sensitive af. Which is why she avoids wearing anything around it. It makes it all tingly and weird.

Najla doesn’t have much of a sweet tooth so any sweets she gets usually end up going to Jack.

MEAT ON THE OTHER HAND IS HER FAVORITE. It makes her a happy wolfgirl.

A continuation but Najla can also consume meat raw without getting sick. It’s gross though and she isn’t a huge fan of doing it unless she’s super hungry.

CHOCOLATE MAKES NAJLA SICK. She gets a bad stomach ache and her body will make her puke it up.

White chocolate it totes safe for Najla to eat. She prefers the taste of it compared to normal chocolate anyways.

This is a lot of food related stuff but Najla also enjoys peanut butter. She hates it at the same time though bc the taste lingers.

Wolfgirl hates milk (by itself). Keep it away from her. She won’t hesitate binch.

Although Najla seems so straight forward and flirty in the relationship, she’s entirely new to this romance thing and it frightens her from time to time since she fears heart break and being abandoned.

Najla has/had a general rule for herself about not getting attached to people because they could be gone the next day.

All of this stems from losing her father at a super young age. When he died, so did her childhood.

Connection to that last fact; due to trauma, Najla has a primal fear of gun shots and loud noises similar to them make her nervous.

Due to lupine genes, Najla has to file her nails often to keep them dull since they grow quickly.

Unlike humans, if Najla loses a tooth, it’ll grow back. Lupines are a strange combo of animals that make up a giant wolf.

Najla is capable of purring but only does it around Jack since it embarrasses her.

On a related note-Najla loves pets/scratches on the head, behind the ear, on her belly, and on her back. The only one who actually knows this is Jack, who found out on total accident one day. Najla has made him promise to never tell anyone.

Najla actually dislikes her tail. It’s an embarrassing topic for her and she tries her best to ignore it or keep it hidden.

Hates eating her greens. Not as much as milky but it’s close.

Najla steals Jack’s shirt when she can bc it smells like him. It puts her mind at ease.

On the other hand, Najla steals his hair tie just to mess with him.

One of the most charming things to her about Jack is that he’s a totally good and has no idea what he’s doing. It makes him feel genuine to her. It also makes him more cute.

Najla originally didn’t have a preference…and then she met Jack. Now she’s Jacksexual.

Strong singing voice but rarely sings bc it’s too strong.

Najla is one of those people who would listen to music 24/7. She’d have a preference for RnB.

She’s a lot more bashful around Jack in her were form. Farmboy affection kinda gets her right in the dokis when she realizes he loves her no matter if she turns into a giant fluffy wolf with big bulky teeth.

Hates when people point out how short and small she is. She’ll fight you. She won’t hesitate.

#najla

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clickwish2-blog · 5 years ago

Text

Currently: August 2018

Currently August 2018:

Goodbye August, Hello September.

August was a doozy. August always is if you have a child out of school for the summer. There’s this pull of trying to savor all the time with your child while working and then sometimes wanting to go back to school just because you love a routine and rhythm. Summer seems to end the second school starts.

And here we are in September already.

Here’s what August 2017 & August 2016 looked like btw. I love reading some of my old entries.

The weird thing about living in the Bay Area (where I have lived most of my life), is that this is the time of year where the leaves start changing and we get hints of Autumn cues like leaves falling but then we are BLASTED with heat. It’s very confusing for the mind. Especially when you just want to settle into sweater weather and start getting cozy.

August was my birthday month. I turned 39. This is the last year of my 40s. This was also the first birthday I had without my Mom. We were up in Tahoe for it. It’s such a weird thing to go on a yearly vacation without her. Trips are more mellow and quiet. At least this trip I got to stay up late talking with my friend Eileen til 2 AM. My mom would have been proud.

For every birthday, my parents would call me first thing in the morning. They’d have the phone on speaker phone. Their singing was a little off tune. My mom lead the way. This was the first time it didn’t happen. We were in Tahoe and my Dad had a major head cold. New normals.

I did receive:

a birthday card that sang me “CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES” (the kind of card my mom would have sent me)

a birthday package from a friend who was glad I was born

a birthday bracelet from my boys that looks like the veins of a tree.

a birthday voxer from a friend who imitated Marilyn Monroe’s voice

a double date night in Tahoe with lots of drinks, food and a dairy queen cone with my bro & sis

at least a dozen birthday cards in my PO BOX (THANK YOU)

Birthdays are a trip when you get older. I am just so glad that people are still thoughtful. THANK YOU.

This month was also big because my 6-page spread in Better Homes & Gardens on Meal Prepping came out!

It was so awesome to see so many people tag me in their photos of the magazine in their Instagram stories. It felt so fun and special knowing that a lot of you are cooking from the story.

The assignment came at a particularly tough time during my grief process and knowing that it would have made my mom so proud kept me going. Thank you so much to Nancy & team! Thank you for believing in me and thank you for lighting a fire under my butt to get my work together to show. It was just what I needed at the time.

Inspired By:

Slowing down. Libraries. Real Life.

Go outside. Seriously.

Get off your phone.

Look at the world. Try not to stress out.

Sometimes when you pay attention hard enough, you’ll see some real goodness around you.

I was rocking out to a song on the treadmill. There’s a guy next to me watching Queer Eye on his phone and all of a sudden my phone fell and he saw me catch it. Like almost falling on the treadmill but VICTORY. I looked over, and he mouthed “Nice catch!” I laughed and we smiled.

Pay attention to little things like that.

They will make you feel a million times happier than any like from someone online.

Promise.

Watching:

We have been watching a few things on TV this month. Better Call Saul has been fun. I like adding New Mexico-ish vibes to my dreamscape before bed. I also just really love the fact that you can have a TV show that goes back in time in a series (Breaking Bad). It makes me believe in time travel somehow.

We started watching Lodge 49. I love Wyatt Russell. I look at his face and think “LOVE CHILD OF GOLDIE HAWN & KURT RUSSELL!!!” the show reminds me a bit of The Big Lebowski. Funny because he goes by Dud in the show. Dud for Dudley. The dude abides. His father dies in the show and he’s left with his twin sister so in some ways I key into the grief aspect. I like it. It’s weird. It’s kinda kooky too.

We finished Orange is the New Black. I dunno if I liked the season but I’m interested in seeing what happens now that the season is over. Not spoiling. Almost did.

Reading:

I’ve oscillated (love that word) between two books this month.

I haven’t finished either one of them. My life is getting in the way.

How to Break Up with Your Phone

This book should be required reading. It will make you think hard about the time you put into life online.

You’re on an Airplane

A fun one to read by Parker Posey (love her!)

Casey also read all of these books while we were on vacation.

It makes me happy when he is taking time out from his programming brain (he designs smart home systems) and fills it with words. It’s really important to reset your brain.

Miracle in the Andes

The Accidental Billionaires

The Blind Side

Thinking About:

The new school year mostly. Cooper is in 4th grade. He will have a lot more homework this year. He’s using PEN!! There will be sports this year and lots of school stuff. I am hoping to get into a good routine with my health- both mentally and physically. That way I can help support him during this year when he becomes a 10-year-old! TEN. TEN YEARS OLD. I mean…where does the time go???

Listening To:

I’m currently working on a few playlists. One that’s good for treadmill use. Stuff with a good beat.

I’m only like 4 songs in so I’ll wait until there’s something cohesive in there.

We also listened to a few podcasts in the car on the way up to Tahoe:

The Way I Heard it With Mike Rowe

I used to know Mike Rowe in another life… when I helped manage a recording studio in the city. He’s an amazing human being with a gift for storytelling. His podcasts are really short. I really like this format.

Dream Life:

I had a dream that my mom gave me a cough drop. She found it behind the stone of our old house in Tahoe.

Also dreaming mostly in a different time era. 1970s-1980s.

The coloring of places in my dreams is super retro.

Must be all of the nostalgic animated gifs I’ve been looking at on my phone.

Haven’t been getting enough sleep (watching tv before bed!) so hopefully, September will bring more sleep. We shall see.

Eating/Drinking:

Eating and drinking all kinds of things this August.

We had a lot of Homemade Dried Fruit batches in our kitchen this Summer.

I drank a lot of Manhattans in Tahoe.

My dad got me into his favorite cereal- Heritage Flakes

. It’s really good if you add raisins and bananas.

He orders it through Amazon

(he’s got a subscription!).

It made me happy to see him use technology to make life easier for himself.

YAY DAD.

Birthday cone with my brother. Being in Dairy Queen with him makes me feel like we are still young.

Cooper started to like peanut butter this month so that makes me beyond happy.

YAY MORE FOOD OPTIONS.

Your crisp is on my list.

This month I did a lot of photography for One Potato.

It meant some of my own work had to be put aside. Gotta pay the bills, yo!

I am excited to see that they’re doing so well! It makes me happy to know that my photography is helping people easily cook with their families.

A lot of pancakes were consumed this month. Everyday Pancakes for the win!

Does Summer food get any better?

This month I shared:

My current favorite pens! Did you see?

Also, you can see how we get ready for the new school year at my house.

Altar this Month:

Manifesting some family love!

Self Portrait for August:

Drawing:

Let’s Check in!

How was your August? What are you looking forward to in September??!

Source: http://www.shutterbean.com/2018/currently-august-2018/

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irisplate9-blog · 6 years ago

Text

Currently: August 2018

Currently August 2018:

Goodbye August, Hello September.

And here we are in September already.

Here’s what August 2017 & August 2016 looked like btw. I love reading some of my old entries.

I did receive:

a birthday card that sang me “CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES” (the kind of card my mom would have sent me)

a birthday package from a friend who was glad I was born

a birthday bracelet from my boys that looks like the veins of a tree.

a birthday voxer from a friend who imitated Marilyn Monroe’s voice

a double date night in Tahoe with lots of drinks, food and a dairy queen cone with my bro & sis

at least a dozen birthday cards in my PO BOX (THANK YOU)

Birthdays are a trip when you get older. I am just so glad that people are still thoughtful. THANK YOU.

This month was also big because my 6-page spread in Better Homes & Gardens on Meal Prepping came out!

It was so awesome to see so many people tag me in their photos of the magazine in their Instagram stories. It felt so fun and special knowing that a lot of you are cooking from the story.

Inspired By:

Slowing down. Libraries. Real Life.

Go outside. Seriously.

Get off your phone.

Look at the world. Try not to stress out.

Sometimes when you pay attention hard enough, you’ll see some real goodness around you.

Pay attention to little things like that.

They will make you feel a million times happier than any like from someone online.

Promise.

Watching:

We finished Orange is the New Black. I dunno if I liked the season but I’m interested in seeing what happens now that the season is over. Not spoiling. Almost did.

Reading:

I’ve oscillated (love that word) between two books this month.

I haven’t finished either one of them. My life is getting in the way.

How to Break Up with Your Phone

This book should be required reading. It will make you think hard about the time you put into life online.

You’re on an Airplane

A fun one to read by Parker Posey (love her!)

Casey also read all of these books while we were on vacation.

It makes me happy when he is taking time out from his programming brain (he designs smart home systems) and fills it with words. It’s really important to reset your brain.

Miracle in the Andes

The Accidental Billionaires

The Blind Side

Thinking About:

Listening To:

I’m currently working on a few playlists. One that’s good for treadmill use. Stuff with a good beat.

I’m only like 4 songs in so I’ll wait until there’s something cohesive in there.

We also listened to a few podcasts in the car on the way up to Tahoe:

The Way I Heard it With Mike Rowe

Dream Life:

I had a dream that my mom gave me a cough drop. She found it behind the stone of our old house in Tahoe.

Also dreaming mostly in a different time era. 1970s-1980s.

The coloring of places in my dreams is super retro.

Must be all of the nostalgic animated gifs I’ve been looking at on my phone.

Haven’t been getting enough sleep (watching tv before bed!) so hopefully, September will bring more sleep. We shall see.

Eating/Drinking:

Eating and drinking all kinds of things this August.

We had a lot of Homemade Dried Fruit batches in our kitchen this Summer.

I drank a lot of Manhattans in Tahoe.

My dad got me into his favorite cereal- Heritage Flakes

. It’s really good if you add raisins and bananas.

He orders it through Amazon

(he’s got a subscription!).

It made me happy to see him use technology to make life easier for himself.

YAY DAD.

Birthday cone with my brother. Being in Dairy Queen with him makes me feel like we are still young.

Cooper started to like peanut butter this month so that makes me beyond happy.

YAY MORE FOOD OPTIONS.

Your crisp is on my list.

This month I did a lot of photography for One Potato.

It meant some of my own work had to be put aside. Gotta pay the bills, yo!

I am excited to see that they’re doing so well! It makes me happy to know that my photography is helping people easily cook with their families.

A lot of pancakes were consumed this month. Everyday Pancakes for the win!

Does Summer food get any better?

This month I shared:

My current favorite pens! Did you see?

Also, you can see how we get ready for the new school year at my house.

Altar this Month:

Manifesting some family love!

Self Portrait for August:

Drawing:

Let’s Check in!

How was your August? What are you looking forward to in September??!

Source: http://www.shutterbean.com/2018/currently-august-2018/

0 notes

fashiontrendin-blog · 6 years ago

Text

Your June Horoscope Is Here and So Is Its Summer Bod

http://fashion-trendin.com/your-june-horoscope-is-here-and-so-is-its-summer-bod/

Your June Horoscope Is Here and So Is Its Summer Bod

Sing me a song if you’re the pianowoman/consider the start of June the official start of summer no matter WHAT the calendar says. You can do that in the comments — that’s what they’re there for. You know what I’m “here for”?

All of this recent news about Pluto! It’s nonstop! It’s such a hot ticket internet item that there was even a “10 Things You Didn’t Know” article published about it.

In news unrelated to Pluto (but why, I know) I have something to tell you: July’s horoscopes will be penned by someone else while I “unplug” for a few days. I need two hands to double-fist hotdogs at all times and I can’t exactly type with my feet. Don’t worry or do: I’ll be back in August.

Okay, enough of the agenda reading. Susan Miller, are you ready? I’ve read your Astrology Zone ‘scopes and have distilled them down below, but I need you on the kick-drum, quick: IT’S TIME FOR JUNE 2018 HOROSCOPES!

Gemini

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GEMINI FIREFLIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fireflies was meant to rhyme with Gemini but then I realized you can read Gemini as Ge-mini, as in, GE-MINI SKIRTS! GE-MINI DOUGHNUTS! GE-MINI HORSES!

Who knows what the “ge” would be used for other than emphasis, and speaking of emphasis, let me emphasize your birthday planets!

Great month for you and your career. Any traveling you do will be like feeding that career of yours fertilizer without the whole “poop” thing, which is the unspoken elephant in the room of fertilizer. According to my mom, horse poop is great for your roses!

That’s from the horse’s butt. This is from the horse’s mouth: “If you are single, Venus’ move into jovial Leo from June 13 to July 9 is good news for you. Your best time to meet someone interesting will be during that period, on a short trip to a nearby resort. Attached couples can revive their relationship by taking quick weekend trips as well.” Sounds like a real time to be alive in a party hat, if you ask me. Be careful about joining that club where people have sex in airplane bathrooms! I do not think it’s safe (you could get flushed down the toilet), nor do I think it’s legal!

Cancer

NOT to get weird but oh god, celestial sky crabs, I am so deep into that summer state of mind that just seeing your starry crab pattern makes me drool, even if it looks absolutely nothing like a crab. I want to gently crack your claw and suck the meat off your thumb and I don’t care who knows it! They say you should never go grocery shopping hungry but I really should never write horoscopes hungry — in the SUMMER, of all places.

Apparently your work life has been “all-consuming” (Susan’s words; promise I’m not listening in on your conversations with your bffs), “but keep pressing forward because June is still due to be a highly productive month.” You are going to be a job-place celebrity!!!

You will get to chill on the 13th, however. Isn’t it nice to foresee some deep, deep breaths? You might get so chill that you get lost, however, so keep your phone charged in case you need to use Google Maps. Susan says space out your savings, too. Sorry that we both sound like your mom right now.

If you’re serious, you just might propose on the 27th. If you’re single around the 13th (that same chill day), feel free to propose too. Venus will be on your side so you might as well also get your hair done.

“You are a tender sign, dear Cancer,” wrote Susan at the end of your summary, “and that is what is so lovable about you.” I’m going to go out on a limb here given her use of the word “tender” and say that Susan may have been hungry while writing your ‘scope too.

Leo

Hello and hi to the coolest cats in the sky. Now tell me (or show me down below) what the humidity does to your manes? I bet it looks fabulous.

“Love and relationships will be front and center of your life as you start June,” writes Suz. There was a full moon at the end of May that might have, also according to Suz, pushed you to make a decision about a romantic relationship. It’s possible that you became engaged, or! It’s possible that you decided to join uncuffing season, which means you’re primed and ready for a summer adventure. Either way, you’re headed on the right path to get whatever it is that you want in love, even if you don’t know yet.

If you’re looking for a new apartment, look no further than Jupiter. You can’t move there, but this super cool planet’s going to help you find a room with a view and doesn’t charge any of those ridiculous finders fees, either.

The new moon on the 13th is great for traveling, and your social life is going to get more and more robust, as they say when they’re being dramatic and calling themselves “they.” Your career is also on the rise. I know it’s not your birthday yet and that’s killing you but man oh man are you having the best June ever or WHAT!

Virgo

Hi Virgos who can and can’t drive! I promise that by the time your month rolls around I’ll come up with a new salutation.

From Suz: “If you are eager to get ahead in your career, you must pay attention to June. You will get opportunities, but in each case you will need to examine the details, as you will be dealing within an environment of smoke and mirrors, and it will be up to you to separate truth from fiction. Who better to do that than an eagle-eyed Virgo?” OO!

So there’s that vague yet helpful tidbit. What you need to know surrounding it: dot your i’s, cross your t’s (but also cross your eyes because it’s picture season and dot your tees because polka dots are still “in” thanks to the 2018’s 1980s). Susan also thinks you should pace yourself. It’s going to be a head-down, get-things-done kind of month, but man are you going to produce some real gems — gems that you can stick in your portfolio and show the world that you invented jar-less mayonnaise, just when the world really needed it most, goddammit.

Toward the end of the month, you’re going to have to make a big decision about your significant other. Don’t let this freak you out! Anyone in a relationship knows that sometimes the most monumental decisions you have to make together often involves “What should we eat?” and “What should we watch tonight?”

If you’re single, have a Pringle and enjoy the hell out of the summer sun!

Libra

I’m LIBRA-ing, on a jet plane! Don’t know when I’ll be back again. Or something something never let you goooo.

How’s your June going, speaking of going? Also in terms of going places, I REALLY appreciate the ad for rock climbing/hiking shoes on Susan Miller’s website? Let me know if you see it or not — I might just be getting targeted, which is so flattering! This ad company things I’m a hiker? It must be because I’m currently eating some granola I just found in a desk drawer after a Cancer told me to stop dipping her thumb in tartar sauce.

“This should be a very sunny month for you on many levels,” writes Suz, “from career, creativity and job opportunities, and home-related developments, to romance, new love, and time with children. In fact, you may possibly hear of the appearance of a new baby in the family, bringing joy to one and all. June is your month, dear Libra, so drink it in and enjoy it to the fullest.” Would you like a non-plastic straw with that good news beverage? Do you even want me to tell you anything else??

How about dates? The first two weeks are primed for career progress. Meanwhile, June 1st (whoops!), 2nd (sorry!) and 22nd (there we go!) are ideal for capital L-O-V-E.

And just know that if you feel like you’re changing your mind a lot in the lovey dove-y department, that’s okay! Go slow and be kind with yourself. It’s the summer. I feel like “it’s the summer” is going to be my excuse for everything for the next three months and so far it’s working, so feel free to join me.

Scorpio

Hello you beautiful bejeweled brooch of a creature! Since you’re here with your stinger and your butt and your pinch-y claws (don’t worry, I do not want to eat those, but that’s just because I’m full on Cancer’s crab meat, thank you very much), you probably want to know what the month has in the astrology store for you!

WELL I WILL TELL YOU BUT I AM NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT BECAUSE I JUST GOT HOME AND LEARNED THAT MY STASH OF “HEALTHY” PEANUT BUTTER CUPS IS GONE.

I AM THE CULPRIT.

IT WAS A SLOW BURN.

Focusing on June because this isn’t about me, it’s about you: There’s some boring stuff in there about how you’re going to get your finances in order at the beginning of June. Good for you! (Truly. That’s not boring, that’s smart. Almost accidentally wrote “adulting” but I can’t be blamed for that; blame social media and balance the shit out of that checkbook.)

Travel is in your sign this month so even if your boss said no to vacation time because you’ve gone over the limit, be like, “But my horoscope said.” Works like a charm bracelet.

Susan seems to think you’re getting married in June — literally or metaphorically (as in, married to your career, to a big new apartment, to a business idea, etc). Either way, around the 27th, you’re golden.

Sagittarius

Sagi-double-dot-your-eyes-and-cross-your-t’s, I talked so much about horses in Gemini’s blerg that I half-expected to see you pop out of the celestial woodwork. And yet you didn’t! Which leads me to believe you must be busy. Susan Miller sure must have been given that your summary alone was three pages. Speaking of good things that come in threes:

Threesome time! “As you enter June” (writes Suz), there will be “a rare golden triangle including your ruler Jupiter on one side, Venus on another, and Neptune as the third point of the triangle and together they will create a vibration of great harmony and beauty. This rare cooperation of three important planets will buoy your spirits and make you optimistic – and rightly so. You have much to be to look forward to in life.” Isn’t that nice? What does that mean, though? Truly, specifically, I don’t know, but the general gist I got about your ‘scope this month was that everything, from work to love to friendship to creativity — especially creativity, is coming up roses.

But to keep the clichés going: it’s not without some pedal to the medal. June’s the time to make some serious decisions. Not to be vague but YOU KNOW what I’m talking about. Toward the 22nd, an assignment is going to bring in a whole lotta money. And if you put in the effort now — toward anything, I guess, by the end of June, you’re going to feel “in sync with the universe.”

Capricorn

Hi Capricorn, feta and watermelon salad! Don’t you look delicious? You do too, Capricorn on the cob with butter melting off. OH I love butter. I’m so hungry. Like I said earlier, writing horoscopes hungry is worse than going to the grocery store hungry, but not as bad as the last time I wrote horoscopes, when the O of my laptop wasn’t working and when I brought my computer to the store the Genius Bar Guy was like, “Yeah, this laptop is fucked.” He didn’t use profanities and actually he was quite lovely but it was sad — it’s been sad! — because I’ve had the same computer since I think 2009. Am I still talking? Are you still reading? What the hell is going on with your horoscope?!

Let’s focus on the answer: You’ve got a big decision coming up on the 27th. It might be tough, but Susan says if you can remain practical, objective and unemotional, you’ll be solid. (That sounds hard as heck, but you’ve got those horns to keep you centered. I think you’ll be excellent at this. Besides, you’ve got Uranus and Jupiter on your side, rooting in your corner, massaging your shoulders, cheering you on and feeding you Gatorade.)

“When you have Saturn on the Sun, as you do now, in a once in 29-year cycle, you get to choose your challenge.” Susan Miller said this and I think it was related to the above, can’t totally remember, but man does it sound like something I want stitched on a pillow.

If work has felt slow in the un-fun way, that will change after the 13th. While things are quiet, use the rare moment to hang out with your friends. Jupiter’s in your house of bffs, which means whatever you two or ten decide to do together will be what we in the stars business call “magic.”

Aquarius

Cute Susan intro to June for ya here, I’m just gonna copy/paste it and drop it before we get into the goods: “The little cherubs flying around you are working to make sure you enjoy June very much.” Okay! And aw!

You’ve got Mars in your sign until November 15th this month and it’s making you a brave ass aqua bear. Even still, try to get all your work-work done before June 26th so that you can enjoy your July 4th vacation you have planned. (What are you doing??)

The 19th will be a really successful day, so if you can save a presentation or a phone call until this point, do it. I have a question for you about hair conditioner, by the way, which is whether or not you think I can use a hair mask in lieu of conditioner, because I’m totally out of condish and keep forgetting to buy it, but I’ve GOT TO wash my hair tonight. I can feel it getting heavier and heavier.

If you’re looking for a job, revisit people who you trust from your past to give them a whisper that you’re looking.

What else? The new moon in Gemini — June 13th — will be key for your romantic ambitions. In fact, why not just let Susan close us out the way she let us in: With a quote, of course! “The new moon in Gemini on June 13 will be the first and most important one this year, helping you to generate new love if you are single, and for adding spice to your relationship if you are attached. The Sun and new moon will light your house of true love. This is the first and strongest vibration you’ve had to enliven your love life this year.” Damnit! I’m all prepared to move on to Pisces but feel like that could have been a great vibrator joke!

Pisces

Hi rainbow fish! The person sitting next to me is watching a booooooring movie about airplanes but I guess it serves me right for writing at 10 p.m. When you write at 10 p.m., you rescind the rights to your stupid tiny remote control that always gets lost between the couch cushions. The only good thing about any of this is that I get to listen to the steady clip of Mid-Atlantic Accents.

What to know about June? Ho ho! “You will have time to have fun in the first week,” writes Susan, so breeze through this fast and get the hell outside!!! This mandated party is thanks to the threesome Venus, Neptune and Jupiter are having, creating what Susan calls “an outstandingly festive vibration.”

This vibration is gonna buzz whether you stay home and make a big decision or choose to travel and see what unfolds (watch TSA, though — maybe take out the batteries).

Mars is going to retrograde from June 25th to August 27th, so if you have any grand plans set between those dates, see if you can organize them so that they’re wrapped by the 24th. But don’t get weird about it. Sometimes planets don’t know shit. (Don’t tell them I said that.)

Where they DO know shit, definitely, is in your love life: Venus will be in your fifth house of true love until June 13th, according to Suz, so it’s gonna be a reallllllll romantic time. Eat it up. Here’s a spoon. Or a salad fork! Whatever your preference.

Aries

Fresh Aries! Man oh man is it good to see you. June’s gonna rule. Susan Miller guarantees it. The first two days were intended to be super romantic. Were they? I’d love to gossip about that with you.

If you need to travel, write, give a speech or sign a contract, June 19th is the day to do it. (Info once again c/o Susan.)

You know what you’re going to do a lot of this month? Nest. You’re going to move into an apartment, decorate the one you have, hunt for rugs, finally hang up pictures, clean out your closets, yada yada. How are you getting all the money for this decor stuff? Well, once again, allow me to be but a messenger:

“Abundant money appears to be flowing in, so concern about your monthly budget is not likely to constrain your plans – in fact, you may have enough saved up to buy a house, apartment, or summer cottage.”

You’ll be very popular this month. Maybe you’ll wear a sash! Enjoy the fun and soak it up. Not that the party has to end, but toward the end of the month, by the 27th, you’ll go into full career mode. “Early June and late September will your best time to make key moves in business, and in your personal life, too,” writes Susan. Can’t wait to CEO-ya on the beach near your new cottage in our matching sun hats!

Taurus

Sh, sh, sweet baby sky cows, I know it’s sad that our birthday month is over. Did everyone have a great time celebrating? I sure as heck and hearth (my new home decor company) did.

Here’s something I have never seen: Susan Miller called Uranus “the planet of lightning bolt change,” and while that does nothing except make me think of Sweet Home Alabama, she says it means that we’re about to experience “major shifts” in our everyday lives. The Butts Planet hasn’t been in our home since 1942! What if it doesn’t even recognize us?

What to expect during these wild times: potential moves, potential grooves, career changes, new homes. Susan says we’ll be successful this month but does liken us to bulls in china shops, which I would resent if it weren’t for the fact that I actually do not like to go into glassware stores because I suddenly lose control of my limbs and forget how to interact with gravity.

We’re going to be focused on money management during this time, getting stuff done before the 26th like everyone else (Mars is in retrograde), and, when it comes to love, though Susan doesn’t fully recommend starting anything new, she’s also not your mama. She is, however, a fan of the bulls, and with that, she wants us to treat ourselves to a massage on the weekend of June 9th.

Illustration by Cynthia Merhej.

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