#i posted this and then deleted bc i got embarrassed
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have you kissed your computer today uwu? have you told your botfriend you love them teehee? have you stroked the antennae on their head and made them dizzy? have you put a magnet up to their screenface to permanently distort their display and damage their circuitry? i think you should chew on the wires inside of its chest. i think you should pry its ribcage open and poke its chassis annoyingly. i think you should find a port and plug in a usb stick you found on the street and see if there's a virus on it or not. it'll be so much fun. have you removed its ram while it's conscious? have you realized every robot is just a computer? you can take apart computers and put them back together if you want. you can do that. they like it so much
#ask to tag#objectum nsft#techum#objectum#robophilia#robotkin#veinwires#i posted this and then deleted bc i got embarrassed
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Having a v bad art block rn so can anyone pls pls pls send me any doodle req 🥹🙏🙏 it can be mdzs, svsss, tyk/woh, lhl/mlc !
#blu yap again#mxtx mdzs#mxtx svsss#woh#mysterious lotus casebook#if i got no asks im gonna delete this post LMAO bc that’s embarrassing 😭
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contemplating deleting my blog soon I might make a new blog but idk
#.bdo#i just need to work on some insecurity issues is all. been on a long self journey this year#can't shake the feeling that every time i say anything it's wrong somehow#and there is some reality to that. i have been wrong several times I've even been downright mean to people over misunderstandings#i just haven't been able to break out of the habit of feeling permanently embarrassed about every small mistake I've ever made#& old insecurities from my childhood are resurfacing#like when i was a kid/teen and no one would ever tell me when i was breaking social cues but they'd make fun of me behind my back#i have 3200 followers and most of my posts get 0 notes sometimes i get 1-5 so it makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong#i end up deleting a lot of them...#almost every post of mine that's gone viral was just a screenshot or picture saved from somewhere else....#and the times that i have gotten attention over a post that stands up for people who aren't like me it makes me terrified#that i look like i'm trying to play a savior role or like i'm virtue signaling#i have a few good mutuals who i love so much and that's why I'm still here#it's also the only social media i use currently#but it does really hurt when i put a lot of thought into something like spending hours making a funny meme or a thoughtful post#just to find out that the only people who find them interesting is my extremely small circle on here if anyone at all#it's so dumb i shouldn't be feeling like this over fucking numbers....it's not even real#i find a little bit of (petty) solace in the fact that there are people on here who are loudly and repeatedly saying way more embarrassing#shit than I've ever said#but even then when i know someone is absolutely wrong it makes me feel nervous like what if im the next person to fuck up that bad#and i find out through public ridicule#well that actually kinda did happen on here once but not on that scale#last year i sent someone something i thought was funny and they sent back an 'ok'#and then immediately made a huge long post about how you shouldn't talk to strangers like you're already friends#called it parasocial behavior...got tens of thousands of notes and i knew it was about me...#i wholeheartedly agree some people go too far with parasocial behavior but i never fully understood what part of what i said/did was wrong#and i went back to feeling like the kid who never found out they were doing something wrong until they heard that they got made fun of#i don't even attempt to make new friends on my own on here anymore because i'm terrified of that happening again#almost all of the people I've become friends with on here came to me first and i love and appreciate them for that#but even then i feel too nervous to socialize that often bc i never find out/realize that i fuck up until later on
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#man having a blog for a over a year means you recall every embarrassing or wrong thing you’ve ever said. i try not to delete old posts bc i#wouldnt know how to stop myself but i am certainly tempted#d talks#not even a year a month perhaps#whatever i got an exam today is hould focus#on that
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people nov 5th 2020 posting/digging up original posts is so funny bc that night was so wild over something so stupid. Have yet to experience a high like that again
#still pissed that i liveblogged the confession scene then got embarrassed bc spn posting so deleted them in like 2 minutes flat#then everything exploded
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Decided to log into twitter (hell) and outside of everything going to shit as always i found this piece of shit as my banner
I dont even remember when i made this but i do remember that i did and i remember how i made it
I saw a picture on twitter w some kind of caption and decided that i could make it look like a banner
i tried to add the fire flaming text that i saw on some reposted to twitter tumblr posts where someome makes a grammatical error and someone corrects them in a form of flaming (sometimes animated) text (never change guys, gals and all of you magnificent pals lol) but at the time i didnt know the website that you all used so i tried to improvise and google
I remember half way thru the making of this text being so upset that it looked like shit but after taking a break for 20 minutes i said "fuck it, it is way funnier this way" and i kinda glad that back then i decided to "fuck it we ball" it
It looks disgusting and i love it
#i unironically glad i found it bc it still holds up to me#not in a sense that its still THAT funny to me (i believe i made it when i was like when i was maybe 17-ish) but it feels kinda#nostalgic#some might say that its not nostalgic it all like “lol#you're 21 how tf can this shit be nostalgic to you#you still havent experienced x y and z you're a still young adult who havent decided what your future is you dont get to feel nostalgic#about your past outside of movies you watched when you were a child lol“#and i kinda disagree#bc at that point of my life i only started to figure myself out (hell i only “recently” realised im nonbinary and multisexual)#and looking back at how i used to be#it definitely feels like ive made a lot of progress in self development and self improvement#and its kind of nostalgic for me to see my old abandoned twitter page (i should probably nuke it completely) and see that everything change#everyone learns#everyone becomes different#everything stays the same while also changing simultaneously#did i really got emotional over my old banner?#anyways whoever finds this post i kinda thank you for reading thru my schizophrenic post and i wish you a good day#juniper's tree branches#juniper stupider#ramblings#nonsense rumblings#will delete this cringe later when ill be embarrassed about it
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v BEFORE I FORGET. climbing up the elevator shaft cable gintoki: takasugi... takasugi: (rudely) ahn?
🤝 the ginzura benizakura harusame fight dialogue i went insane over. YAY. takasugi gets to steal the valor for once
#THE FUCKING BENIZAKURA BLOGGING. u know my ten minute benizakura clips i spent a whole night talking abt uploading and#never did. its bc i accidentally perma-deleted the file in THEEEEEEEEEEEE stupidest way possible and i got embarrassed#and am now too frustrated to redo benizakura blogging for two years kjhsdfg#INSANE!!!!!!!! first i lose my actual blogging when i get banned second i lose my loadbearing sopping wet clips that could at least#imply the blogging for me. BY MY OWN FAULT!!!!!!!!!#sopping wet gintoki posting#i can never reinvent those ginzura revelations i was having i cant backwards engineer them ive built too much on them since then......#ahhhhhh i get genuinely sad....... i wanna know what past joelle was cooking
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Fun fact I have never been actually acknowledged by an actor or voice actor for a character I like before, noticed MAYBE because Andy Poland mentioned he looks at the fanart channels in the official Jackbox server sometimes but a few of my friends have gotten direct acknowledgment from actors of characters in media we like before (and tbh its funny because usually its OUT OF NOWHERE and completely unexpected)
On that note istg if my “baby’s first acknowledgement from an actor/va of a character they like” moment is from Tom or Phil my brain will implode
#PLZ be nice i am very shy about posting about vas of characters I like bc I don’t wanna come off as weird lol#anyway may or may not have posted this because of an incident a month ago where—#—i may or may not have accidentally sent a follow request to phil’s instagram and got scared and took it back#and i dont know if instagram deletes notifs if someone takes back a follow request#so part of me is nervous as hell that instagram DIDNT delete that notif and HE MIGHTVE SEEN MY ART 😭#all my art on insta is very normal tho idk why im so nervous#i do get very VERY shy tho about talking about vas of characters I like bc again I don’t wanna come off as weird!!#despite everything that i say is usually just normal ‘I think they’re cool and they voice a character i like :3’ stuff lol#IN GENERAL I THINK IM JUST SHY ABOUT PEOPLE I FIND COOL OOF#okay okay sorry for long tags. lol.#random#eh maybe im also nervous because i get sleepy at the voice of schmitty and master mentalist#which means phil’s voice makes me sleepy#AND THATS KINDA EMBARRASSING IDK UHHH
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genuinely so nostalgic for the old virtual warrior world proboards forum. wish i hadn't deleted my account from it. it's dead, with almost zero posts from the past 3-4yrs, but i wish it had survived. i don't think id much enjoy feral cat rp nowadays, but wish i knew where my friends from back there went.
#my cat was dappledheart and friends with frostfall and echofall (?)#suffixes may be off but those were 100% the prefixes#i think the frost one also had a seperate account for a cat with a night- prefix but may be wrong#i deleted it bc i was mentally ill on main once and got embarrassed but now there's no way to register :( so i can't post for Nostalgia™#it was cringe but really do regret it bc i can't even view their profiles now bc no account#i had art one of them made of our characters before but now i can't find it :( swore it was on da but i can't locate it#i think i myself uploaded it on da but i was like 11 so didn't know how copyright worked so posted a Lot of uncredited stuff
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Anyway I have not been active here in a hot minute (been busy still with school), but I was absent today bc I was So Tired after yesterday's events
As an update with who's occupying my mind still: The same two as before (🍫 and P1co) but another Certain Ginger has also joined and invaded my brain alongside those two as well 😅
#I tried posting abt him here once but deleted the post after a few hours bc I got Embarrassed HRJEHFJSHDJS#maybe once I draw up more art of him regarding his lore then I'll post him again#maybe some of y'all have seen him already. maybe some have not#but I will say he's an long running Oc of mine. that much I'll say#🌸 lin speaks!!
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local girl experiences someone wanting to flirt with him for the first time in her life and panics, more at 5
#i dont even know how to react to that lmao#i deleted the post where i mentioned him bc i got embarrassed#but i mean my cousins friend who i met this weekend during her birthday party#and uh. hes like the first guy ever that i felt any attraction to#and apparently my cousin told him that i think hes pretty and he apparently said im okay too#and asked for permission to flirt with me lmao#and like he did text me today. we exchanged some memes#and then he said that hes heard from a reliable source that i liked him#i. still havent responed to that text. i havent even opened the conversation cause im a coward i read the message through the notifications#lmao#not sure what to do about that djndndnsndbjsjd#bee buzz
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is it weird to make a personal blog. be honest
#like. where i talk abt the Issues. in more detail#it would just be some venting or whatever probably.... complaining ....#nothing terribly interesting i think. but i hate writing in places where only i can see them#i said this in that deleted post !!#its communication !! i feel better knowing my feelings got out there#bc itsa lot of stuff that id never feel comfortable enough to disclose 1 on 1#i have a space in a friends discord for this but it's like..#i wanna speak freely... those ppl know some of the same ppl i do so it'd be awkward...#but its also very embarrassing#u understand..#whatever if i end up doing it it'll be like. one post where i post the url. then it's never being mentioned again#IF i do it. idk#i laid down in the living room for like 15 minutes just staring at the ceiling and thinking about my exes today.#so i feel weird
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6. Country
Nothing felt as cold as he felt that day.
Gaius scarcely remembered his father, and he held no memories at all of his brother. He simply knew the home had been become quieter and quieter with each passing year, his mother becoming less and less like a human and more of a statue.
He had been a small one when his father perished, a handful of summers at most, leaving him and an infant sibling. He could say his mother tried her best, a widow in a new land with nary a trade to bring an income or food to the table, but he doesn't remember her trying.
He remembers her in her cot the most, lying in the dark, dank cold of their dwelling. He recalls her not responding to his calls nor reacting to the meager meals he tried to make for the three of them, a decaying, curled husk of who she had been. Gaius had imagined her once as a locust molt, the kind he'd see in spring and crunch in his tiny palms to see the remains glitter in the sun.
Her husband's death had turned her into dust. Nothing alive remained in her.
And then Marius was gone one day, too. The name stuck to the back of his mind, but little else: not how old he had been, or how he had looked, or if he had perished at all.
Gaius didn't want to know if he truly has forgotten or if the recollection is stashed away somewhere, like the letters and newborn trinkets his mother had hidden in her dresser. Few memories from before his time in the military remain, in truth, either from age or from intent.
He's content to keep them that way, that separation, the wound that sheared boy from man, child from soldier. He prefers not to remember the animals he killed before he knew how to do so mercifully, scared and sobbing at the cruelty of it all, taking a life to sate the belly of another. He buried the bones of the role he was forced to take up to survive, becoming the man of the house before he had ever truly cut his first adult tooth.
What he did remember was Solus, and the arrow that had embedded itself into the fir he was crouched besides. Nothing felt as cold as he felt that day, his gloves sodden through with snow, painful and fumbling. He had caught a fox, who had caught a rabbit, and now the Emperor of Garlemald had caught him, a wretch of a thing trespassing into the land behind the palace.
"All those guards," Solus had drawled, the bowstring relaxing as he settled. His horse snorted, a plume of hot air rising from its nostrils. "All my guards, and a boy has deceived them?"
He was cold. He was scared. And he was afraid --
( If he didn't return home, who would feed his mother? Who would curl into her bed with her and hope for better days, that he would awaken and she would still be breathing? )
-- so he ran.
Solus' guards caught him this time, at the least, one wild boy with his bloodied catch held to his coat. He should have known he was done for when the Emperor didn't bother to follow, his dark steed still in the snow, the predator staring his prey down.
A wolf didn't chase his prey - not when it would become his supper anyway.
They rid him of his catch. They rid him of his bloody coat and scarf. They fed him, foods so rich and hot that they burnt his mouth and upset his stomach, and then the Emperor offered him an ultimatum:
He could use his skills for his army, or he could be let go with his feast - the rabbit and fox had been field dressed just for him. But if he saw him in his woods again, he wouldn't fire a warning arrow.
Gaius wished he remembered deliberating. He wished he could say he thought about it, about leaving his mother in the cold dark, that both options kept a boy in men's shoes, that he lost no matter what he chose.
And maybe that was why he hadn't. His mother would die, a widow haunted by the spirit of her husband and baby boy, no matter if he returned home or not. After she died, he would, too, cold and alone and as afraid as he had been that morn.
"Yes, sir," Gaius had mumbled.
"Good boy," Solus had said, patting the boy's head through his leather gloves. "I knew you'd make a fine son of Garlemald. Come - take him to be cleaned up. He's to be at the academy come morrow."
Gaius thought he had been cold and alone in the woods, staring up at a divinity ten fulms tall atop his steed. He thought he had been cold and alone in his home, trying to draw warmth and love from a mother who didn't know what to do with her grief.
But now - sniveling in the freezing dawn air, his head bare of hat and hair and his throat full of what he had done as his country's flag waved overhead, he wondered if he would ever, truly, be warm again.
A uniform was thrust against his chest, and the soldier ahead of him spoke.
"Glory be to Garlemald."
Yes. Glory be.
#i. think i made a post abt g.aius's mother in the past. and his brother#but i might have deleted it bc i got embarrassed about my world building akdnkfngk#im not an academic and i was pulling garbage straight from the pail#but. i'm committing this time#death tw#child death tw#mourning tw#war tw#: )
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if u saw me post that video from my skz concert no u didn’t 😭
#deleted it bc i got embarrassed like wait why am i showing u guys i dropped my phone help#that could’ve just been a text post i didn’t have to show it 😭#.txt
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thinking
#rant cw#🌙.txt#delete later#i had this online friend when i was like 14 and she was 2 years younger than me and we were really close for a long time#we kept in touch until i was about 19 i think and i don't remember how we drifted apart but we did#we still follow each other on insta though and we're still on each other's close friends list etc#and she has contacted me a few times to say she saw something that reminded her of me and she missed me#but i could never really hold a conversation with her#but like. when the flood happened last may i lost both of my journals and all of the letters i kept (including my ex's and my mom's)#EXCEPT for the letter this friend sent me for my 16th birthday#bc i had put it somewhere else and forgot to take it out and put it in my drawer with the other stuff#so i still have that letter bc it's the only one that was saved#and then last night i had this very... realistic (?) dream about her where she came down to my state and we spent the whole day hanging out#and it was so fun??#and it's been in my mind all day and i can't stop thinking about it 😭 so i feel like maybe i should dm her or something#but i'm kinda putting it off bc i'm not really in a talking mood this week and i feel like if i try to dm her i'll end up ghosting her 🙃#but idk. to be honest i feel kind of uncomfortable talking to her#mostly bc i feel embarrassed by how little my life has changed in the past 10 years#while she graduated got a decent job led a decent life and has been in an apparently good relationship for a long time now#she's just so well put together and i'm still the same 19 year old idiot except i'm 10 years older now#i mean for fuck's sake just yesterday i spent hours listening to songs i loved when i was a teenager as a way to escape the present lmaooo#and i know i can't truly know much about someone's life based on their instagram posts#but i can still see she's much better and more mature than me 💀#anyway. maybe i'll tell her about the dream and the letter when i feel like i'm in a better mood to try and keep a conversation going
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not that deep but i feel bad whenever i go to a concert where i dont have at least eighty percent of the setlist memorized
#got one tmrw and i know like. no lyrics#people decide to go to random shows the day of?? and the band/artist doesnt jump them for not singing. idk. i suppose i like to know words#i love concerts a lot and i love going to them alone. but also going alone is fucking exhausting#driving a long way for nbt and orville took a Lot out of me. and mitski#so hopefully bands/artists i like start touring near me more. doubtful bc we have no smaller venues.#or i meet ppl with similar music tastes and drivers licenses and tolerances for road trips#man okay. i know its my blog and you can just scroll past what you dont want to read#but ive been posting here so much recently. and its lowkey embarrassing#but ! i dont feel like absolute shit if theres no engagement so it works for me#delete later
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