#i played the song on repeat for like a week straight

[transparent--gay]

six songs i’ve been obsessed with lately (tagged by @grieving4theliving thank u i love this)

ok it was so hard to not just list six songs from the same album bc i am usually an album listener not a song/playlist listener but i DID it (you’re still getting three noah kahan songs tho ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ it is what it is)

tagging @whiskey-in-a-wineglass and anyone else who wants to do it can say i tagged them (bc i am nosy)

[im-not-a-sheep]

actually i used to be against fics. Mostly bc I thought they were all ships (which a lot are tbh..). But then I read portal bluesky because I kept seeing so much fansrt of this random fic on pinterest I was like fuck it. Time to see what's so good about it. And yeah,aside from the fact that it's clearly a chell and Wheatley ship fic it still managed to tell an interesting story outside of that, which is what changed my mind about fics lmao

[aakeysmash]

prompt:

sukuna skipping gym to sleep in and later on does his workout in their living room, using her as a weight when doing push ups, may turn heated hehe

college Sukuna's masterlist

turned this into a college!sukuna drabble lmao sorry!! no smut this time, i wanted to elaborate a bit on sukuna's protectivness toward yuuji :)

You're humming a song from your studying playlist when you hear someone knocking at your door. You look at the clock you keep on your desk near a plant Yuuji gifted you last week. On the terracotta vase there's a scribbled note in the obvious handwriting of a child.

To: baby peach, but no more annoying screams when we play, please!

You smile. He always chooses to be baby mario when you play Mario Kart together because he doesn't want you to feel alone in case you're the only baby character. He's such a cute kid, you're lucky to have him as one of your almost-roommates.

You get up (it's still pretty early anyway) and stretch your back, hearing it pop. You open the door, and standing in front of it is the same kid you were thinking about.

"Hey," you wave at him, a happy tilt to your voice. You look at him shuffling and avoiding your gaze.

"Is everything okay, Yuuji?" you start getting worried. He mumbles something you don't hear clearly, so you make him repeat himself. He juts his lip out, then looks straight at your face.

"Can you take me to school please?"

You raise your eyebrows. Usually, this is a big brother kind of duty: where is Sukuna? Yuuji takes your silence as rejection and starts backtracking.

"Sorry, I didn't want to disturb you, I can just go alone-"

"Sure, let me grab my purse and we can go," you stop him, changing your expression to one of calmness, ruffling his pink, unruly hair.

"Are you sure it's not a bother?" he asks you hesitantly. "Big bro closed his door and I can't seem to be able to wake him up... and I'm supposed to be accompanied by an adult..."

"It's not a big deal, Yuuji. I'll take you in my passenger seat, okay? We'll be there shortly," you reassure him, nodding.

"Thanks," he says, blushing, giving you one of the biggest smiles you've ever seen him do. Your heart melts a little, and he looks at you like you've physically hung up the sun shining outside.

When you get back home, you're not even able to get to your room when you find yourself being squished between the nearest wall and a hot, rapidly rising and falling chest.

"Where the fuck is my brother?" Sukuna grits out his teeth, breathing down your neck. You wince. He's controlling his strength, but he's still a mountain compared to you, and your ribcage is starting to hurt.

"Get off of me right now or I'm calling the police, Itadori."

He notices he must have been too rough and takes a step back, mumbling an apology while still looking at you menacingly. You pat your clothes, making sure there are no wrinkles before answering him.

"I took him to school. He told me he was being neglected by his own caretaker, so I had to intervene," you shrug.

"He did not say that. He doesn't even know the word neglect," he says, sighing. His shoulders drop and he takes on a more relaxed appearance.

"What's wrong with you? You've never gotten up later than 6 am," you ask him, trying to sound nonchalant, walking toward your fridge to make yourself a toast. The truth is, you're starting to get attached to him. In the last couple of months, you've created some sort of bond, and it's probably also thanks to Yuuji and his stubbornness in making you do things like you're a family. Just last night, he forced you both to make cookies with him because apparently his friend Megumi was coming to play this afternoon and "he wanted to make a good impression".

Sukuna, on the other hand, can be a lot. The majority of the time he nudges you to get you to move out of his way (he just does it to see your annoyed face, but he's not going to tell you that), huffs in your face when you say he hasn't cleaned his dishes from the night before, and flips you off whenever you try to have a civil conversation about who's turn it is to choose the film on Friday night. But he's also pretty attentive. It's not like he makes you notice it, but he does feel bad for you when you get out of your room after an all nighter because of your studies. He thinks you're annoying because you're always trying to pry into his private life, but when you're not home Yuuji always asks of your whereabouts. Yeah, that's definitely why he can't stop thinking about you laughing with the boy he literally raised. The boy whose disappearance was driving him insane this morning.

Because sure, Sukuna tells Yuuji he's a brat 95% of the time, and the kid yaps way too much for his taste. He also manhandles the kid badly, telling him he's way too weak to be called his brother, and more often than not Sukuna tells him he's adopted and that he'll kick him out as soon as he can. But you've seen the way he prepared soup every night when his little brother caught the flu in December—he's just full of shit. He'll never admit how hard it was to raise a brother he didn't want at 13, alone and broke. But he'll make sure the child never doubts of having someone to fall back into like Sukuna did since he was much younger than Yuuji is now.

"Didn't sleep well and I missed the gym," he responds, munching on an apple. You hum in acknowledgment, not turning around from the stove.

"You know that pilates class you suggested to me last week? I found their videos on YouTube. I was thinking of starting them today," you quickly change the topic. You know you won't get more than that; him admitting he didn't sleep well was already a win.

"Wanna start them with me, chipmunk?" he asks you. You turn around to slap his arm slightly.

"I told you to stop calling me that," you say rolling your eyes.

"No."

You whine. "Yes, by the way. I want to see you suffer like the men I see on TikTok."

"Come be my weight and I'll do pilates with you today," he suddenly says. You're biting your toast and you're so caught off guard that you start coughing up crumbles. He hands you a glass of water while telling you you're too fucking dramatic.

"What does it mean to be your weight?" you tentatively ask him when you can breathe properly again.

That's how you find yourself sitting crisscrossed on his back, gripping his shirt as hard as you can, while he does pushups and tries not to laugh every time you scream about him moving too much and almost making you fall.

[miirohs]

nothing on me but you [l.d.n]

pairing: Mob Boss!Lando Norris x Assistant!Reader wc: 1.0k cw: slight dubcon (they kiss while reader is under influence and without permission), possessive behavior, he is a red flag lowkey? an: and when the world needed her most, she came back (after crying for 2 weeks straight and slapping herself to pull it together)... chat i didn't cook with this one pls dont flop.

You could feel people's eyes on you even as you left the hall, talking quietly among themselves as you clung on tighter to Landos arm, almost trying to make yourself invisible.

You could hear their still hear their sighs of pity, following you out the building.

You knew exactly what they were whispering were about.

It wasn’t a secret that Lando was a playboy, and now everyone assumed you were just another one of the bodies in his count. You were madly in love with him, and yet you couldn’t bring yourself to face the fact that you were just another thing he would claim, sooner or later.

As the cold wave of realization and sadness washed over you, you let go of your grasp around his shoulders, gently prying his hands off you as you stood still. You hadn’t drunk enough to be able to forget a whole car ride home.

“Sir, this doesn’t look right, I think you should just let me go home by myself.” You mumbled, head hanging in shame as he turned back to you. The alcohol wasn’t wearing off quick enough.

“Leave you alone? Drunk?” He said, tone incredulous as you looked at him. 

“Mmmh, I could just call an uber…?” You trailed off, noticing the look of annoyance on his face. He rarely hid anything from you, especially not his displeasement.

“An uber? I don’t think it would be very wise of me to leave you alone like that, I'm surprised you could even suggest such a thing while I'm still here.” He said sternly, reaching out to grab your hand firmly. “C’mon, you’re in no state to leave on your own baby.”

His car was parked at the corner, lavish from the outside and especially on the inside as you slid in, letting go of his hand as he shut the door with a smile.

The car ride was met with a charged silence, comfortably settled between you. You could see the city lights from your window, beating brightly in the distance. You kept stealing glances at him every now and then, watching as the light from the streets passed over his eyes, jewelry glinting softly. His hand gripped the wheel as he drove, humming something softly. The song playing softly in the background seemed to tune out as his hand intertwined into yours. 

It was just too calm. You just couldn’t bear the silence any longer.

“Sir, i just wanna ask-”

“Lan.”

You paused, taken aback by the sudden interruption.

“I’m sorry?”

“Start calling me Lan again. I miss it.” 

You hadn’t called him that in ages, not since the days of your early and very short friendship. You wondered what could’ve brought it up, but you were in no place to say no.

For a moment, you wondered if he felt the same.

“Sir- I mean Lan, what are you doing this for?”

“So what, I can’t do nice things for you?” He chuckled, cringing slightly as the edge in his voice betrayed him. His hand slipped away from yours and you wanted to grab it back, but shame kept you from doing so.

“Well, i just assumed that you just wanted to-” He turned towards you, eyes dark as he looked you up and down.

“Assumed that I was doing this just because I wanted you in my bed? Have you been listening to what all those worthless people whisper about you and me then?” He tsked, clearly peeved by the things coming out of your mouth.

“Isn’t that what you did for all the other ones too? I’m just one of many-” His grip on the wheel tightened, knuckles turning white.

“Who said that you were one of all those other ones, baby?” 

His words cut through the ache in your heart like a knife. You almost couldn’t breathe, thoughts filling your head at what he’d just said.

"Baby, who said that you were one of all those other ones?" he repeated softly, his voice gentle in comparison to the deadly smile on his face. 

You swallowed hard, finding it hard to think under his intense glare. “I- I don’t know. I just thought that maybe we’d be better off parting ways because clearly people don’t-”

“You’re such a liar baby, you know that?”

“What?” Your heart dropped.

You hadn’t realized you had reached his sprawling mansion, the lights coming alive as you came to a sharp stop at his doorstep.

He hadn’t unlocked the door handles either, turning off the ignition and then turning to you.

“Such a liar, baby.” There was warmth in the laughs he let out, yet his expression was unreadable as his hand gently cupped the back of your neck, bringing your face closer to his.

“I’ve seen the way you look at me. Can you imagine how mad it made me up to see you look at other people like that?” He hissed, lips almost up against yours.

You whined as he moved away, smirking at your state.

You wanted him desperately, and he knew. “Can’t you see that I want you? And don’t lie, I know you want me too. Don’t think I haven't seen the way you’ve looked at me.” He cooed, leaning into you.

You faltered, unable to form a coherent response as Lando’s hand moved to your cheek, his touch comforting and suffocating at the same time.

“I want y-“

But before you could utter another word, he pulled you in, pressing his lips firmly against yours. He gnawed at your bottom lip, slipping his tongue into your mouth, the aftertaste of champagne overpowering it all.

You broke from it, inhaling deeply before he pulled you in once more, relentless in the way he greedily devoured the air from you. His grip on your nape had loosely returned, thumb running up and down the back of your neck before his hand slowly ran down the backless dress.

You pushed him away again, softer this time as you choked on the sudden intake of air.

His head ran up and down your back, eventually wrapping around your waist to bring you closer to him.

“I want nothing on me but you, have I made that clear? I love you.” He whispered, pressing his forehead to yours.

“Lando.”

“Say it back, please.” He begged, a slightly pout forming in his face.

“I love you too, Lan.”

[ambswoso]

could’ve been ii - leah williamson

the weddings over. you have to return to barcelona but you didn’t think you’d be seeing leah again so soon and she’s determined to get her girl back, in any capacity.

5.9k words. somehow it's longer than the first part.

leah williamson x mead!reader

“right beth, pack it in. i’m gonna miss my flight.” you laughed as you pushed out of her tight hug.

“you sure you’re gonna be ok?” beth stroked your hair, tucking the hair that had fell from your ponytail behind your ear. “it’s a two-hour flight bethy, i’m sure i’ll be fine.”

“yeah, a two hour flight by yourself to a foreign country!” beth emphasised, ever the protective big sister. “i do live there beth.”

“i know and i hate it. i miss you already.”

“i miss you too, but i really do have to go.” you once again released yourself from beth’s grasp, leaning over to give you new sister-in-law an equally big hug.

you headed over to security and waved at beth and viv one last time. “call me when you land, or i’ll send lucy to your apartment.” you heard beth call as you went, giggling to yourself.

now you just had two hours to kill, by yourself, until you were due at your gate. you may as well get back up to date with paperwork having been away for just over a week. airpods in you started powering through your work, or at least you were until a song you’d long deleted from your playlist started playing in your ears.

your song. both of yours.

leah had a habit of calling everyone ‘my girl’, particularly you when you were together because once upon a time you actually were her girl. the first time she called you it was on your first date. she picked you up, took you for a picnic on an unusually warm february day and dropped you home like the charming woman she always was. as you left leah’s car she called after you, “see you soon for the next one, my girl.” and if you weren’t already smitten from the date then that certainly sealed the deal. the next time she picked you up, ‘my girl’ was playing through her car radio and you decided there and then that it was your song. you only let leah know about it after you’d made things official, but she was fine with it. 

the same song that used to fill you with love and remind you of the love of your life, now just made your heart sink. you weren’t her girl anymore and she wasn’t yours.

you gave yourself only 30 seconds to enjoy the song before you skipped to the next. your shoulders had been rid of a particularly heavy weight since yours and leahs blowout at the wedding and you didn’t really feel like having it back just yet. besides you had work to do and a flight to barcelona to catch. 

other than that one slip up at the airport, you barely had time to think about leah, being thrown straight back into your work had helped distract you.

“hola chica.” you heard a voice call from outside your office, “¿cómo estás?” (how are you?)

“simplemente perfecta” (simply perfect). you told the tattooed woman who’d since made herself comfortable on your other chair.

“i think that was sarcasm” mapi observed. “tell me all about the wedding.” she leant forward resting her chin in the palms of her hands, smiling at you so innocently.

you’d become very friendly with a lot of the girls that played for barca since starting there, having lucy and kiera introduce you to them had helped. they liked finally having a physio who was similar to them, that enjoyed football, that was around their ages. as of recent and thanks to a knee injury, you had a new number one fan by the name of maría pilar león. she was in your office most days for rehab so naturally you learned a lot about each other.

“nothing to tell, maps. my sister got married, i wore a nice outfit, got drunk, had an argument with my ex-girlfriend, drank some more and flew back.” you quickly explained whilst pulling her file up on your computer, only turning to glance at her once you’d finished talking. 

“perdone, repita eso.” (excuse me, repeat that.) mapi gasped. you talked in her physio sessions, a lot, but you’d never discussed you and leah deeming it not fair on her to spread her relationship history around barca femenis football team. 

“wore a nice outfit, got drunk.” you smiled.

“you argued with leah? leah williamson?” mapi exclaimed.

“woah, how’d you know it was leah?”

“lucia loves to talk, everyone knows. it’s sweet you didn’t want to tell anyone though.” she smirked at you. “so why the argument?”

“well we never discussed the breakup properly so, i guess it all just came out that night instead.” you told her, glad to have someone impartial to vent to. “hop up on the bed please, mapi. i need to check your still okay to get back on the grass today.”

“and how do you feel?” she probes as she lays back. you’d both gotten very used to talking about your personal lives during mapi’s appointments. the pair of you had spent so much time together that there was no way you could end up not being friends.

“i don’t really know. there’s like a weight lifted off my shoulder because i said everything i’d been dying to say for a while, but it hasn’t like helped. i still miss it, even after getting that bit of closure.”

“was she unkind?” mapi asked. 

“not at all.” you responded quickly. “i don’t think she really knew why it had ended to be honest. she seemed a bit shocked. we were both sat there crying for a while.”

“the leah williamson crying?” mapi’s head shot up from where it lay, leaning back on her elbows. “god you must have really done a number on her.”

“trust me she’s not as tough as she makes out, or she didn’t used to be anyway.” mapi took notice of how you fondly you still spoke about leah, of how you still held the memories of you and her close to your heart. 

“i don’t think she’s tough at all anymore based on what keira says.” you heard mapi mumble under her breath. “what do you mean? what did keira say?” your questions came at rapid speed in mapi’s direction, the concern and worry you held for leah would probably never go away. 

“i’m staying silent.” mapi held her hands up in defence as you gestured for her to sit up from the bed. “but i do think you should talk to keira for once, i can tell it’s been a little awkward between you two.”

“i mean she’s leahs best friend i don’t want to get in the middle so i just stay out of it completely.” you brushed mapi’s comment off. it wasn’t only keira you’d distanced yourself from after yours leahs split and you knew you’d lost a lot of friends in the process, probably through your own fault rather than anyone else’s. “right, you’re all clear. get your ass back out on the grass maria. i’ll come check in in a little bit.” sending her one final smile to send her off.

you thought mapi had left, thoughts of the team knowing about your previous relationship and what keira may have possibly said ran through your head as you began to wipe down the treatment table where mapi once lay. 

 “lo siento if i’m overstepping but i feel as if we’re good enough friends that i can say this to you.” mapi’s voice scared you from the doorway that she evidently hadn’t moved from yet. “i can see you still love her, i mean you’ve been here for over a year and you’ve not been with anyone else or even tried.” 

“well i-“ 

“don’t even try because i already know you haven’t, mi amiga.” she sent you a knowing look as you rolled your eyes. “you should fight for it, for her, if it’s something you really want because from what you’ve said and what i’ve heard it sounds like she wants to fight for you. i don’t know what happened at home between the two of you, but it must have hurt, but you said yourself you miss the relationship and i think you miss her as well. everything you get is meant for you, y/n/n, and i know you believe that too. just ask yourself if in 5 years, you’re still going to be wishing you’d never left because i think you will.” this time maria actually left the room and with it left you with a lot to mull over. 

“stupid footballers, always giving their stupid advice. idiota.” you scoffed.

“i heard that.”

you filled out the rest of mapi’s paperwork before you went out to see how she was doing back on the grass. it’s quite hard to fill in someone’s medical forms whilst simultaneously having thoughts of your ex-girlfriend spinning around your head but nevertheless you got it done and made your way outside. you were happy with what you saw from mapi, shooting her a quick thumbs up as she waved before trying to disappear back to your office as to not disturb the other girls.

“hola guapa.” (hi beautiful). alexia shouted to you from the pitch as she saw where mapi’s attention was momentarily diverted. 

“te hemos echado de menos.” (we’ve missed you). salma called out as she ran to where you were and pulled you in the hug, others following along in her footsteps.

“hola chicas, i’ve missed you too.” you smiled with salmas arm still wrapped around your shoulders. “vuelve y entrena por favor.” (go back and train, please.)

“tu español es tan bueno ahora, hermosa.” (your spanish is so good now, beautiful). alexia smiled at you as she was the next to pull you into a hug. most people who you met were surprised to hear how welcoming and friendly alexia had been to you. 

when you first moved to barcelona, it’s safe to say it wasn’t under the best circumstances. just coming off the back of a painful end to your relationship, you’d retreated inside yourself and in hindsight moving away from both your family and friends probably didn’t help but you knew you couldn’t stay where you were. keira and lucy were there who you of course knew through leah and beth, but the last thing you wanted to do was cause any friction for them and their national captain, so you kept to yourself and just got to work.

alexia was near the end of her acl recovery when you started your new position, immediately being put in charge of alexia’s rehab and care as you’d had more than enough acl experience working for arsenal. she was a lot sweeter than you’d imagined, her injury putting her in a vulnerable position and you were right there alongside her. you were both healing in your own ways, alexia physically and you emotionally, and your bond quickly formed through that. you didn’t just become alexia’s go to for her physical needs but also her emotional, supporting her through many ups and downs that came with her recovery, and she could never thank you enough for that. when the both of you had spare time, she’d take you around barcelona and had introduced you to her friends and family. you were right there on the side lines watching proudly as she made her comeback in the la liga match against sporting huelva and the friendship continued to blossom even after her recovery. 

“training is nearly finished. no te preocupes.” (don’t worry.) the famously hardworking and driven captain brushed off the end of training, knowing how excited the girls would be to see you again even if it had only been just over a week. “cenamos esta noche?” (dinner tonight?)

“sí, suena bien.” (yeah, sounds good.). alexia had also been a big help in you learning spanish, something you’d been determined to do since arriving in barcelona and you’d come a lot further than keira put it that way. 

“y/n, can i talk to you for a second?” speak of the devil, keira came over to grab you as the rest of the girls headed into the changing rooms.

“yeah, of course. everything okay?” you asked her, secretly hoping she’d be coming to talk to you about an injury rather than leah, but you had no such luck.

“i heard about the wedding.” keira starts and you let out a sigh. “i know this probably doesn’t help but she’s really torn up y/n.”

“yeah, me and her both.” you scoffed defensively. you weren’t really angry at leah anymore, so you weren’t sure why you were acting like this, especially towards keira, but after being pretty torn up yourself for nearing a year and a half you didn’t feel like hearing how it was only now affecting leah. “i’m sorry, it was just a lot that’s all.”

“she keeps asking about you. told me to keep an eye on you, check if you were doing okay.” kiera revealed, “even before this.”

“really?” eyebrows raised, you questioned keira, thinking that leah pretty much continued having the time of her life after you moved away. 

“all the time. she still cares about you and you were really good together. you were good for her.” 

“she was good for me too, until she wasn’t.” you recalled, a sad smile gracing your face which didn’t go unnoticed.

“and i’m sorry you lost the rest of us too. she’s not the only one that’s been missing you. i feel like we haven’t had a proper conversation in ages.” she laughed.

“yeah, probably not.” you laughed a long with her. “but that’s probably more so my fault, just didn’t want to cause any tension, you know? so i’m sorry.” 

“you really don’t have anything to apologise for, y/n.” she wrapped an arm around your shoulder and lead you inside so she could get showered and changed before the hot water was no more.

“i’ve done enough crying this week, don’t make me start again.” you joked as you parted ways, you heading back to your office to get back to work for the afternoon and keira to the changing room. “oh and heads up, she’s coming to the game on saturday, bye!”

brilliant. great. fuck.

you’d expected to have a little bit more time before having to see leah again, let alone speak to her. you and her hadn’t had to come face to face for a year and a half and now you were seeing her twice inside of a month. you’d hoped you could get over your meeting by doing the same thing as last time, avoiding her, but turns out the universe had different plans this time. stupid universe. 

you tried to distract yourself from the imminent encounter with leah and went to dinner with alexia, ingrid and maria, knowing that was a safe place where leah wouldn’t be bought up for a couple of hours. you always had a good time with those girls and were grateful that they’d took you under their wing even though they really didn’t have to, you weren’t even on the team. 

another story post of you and alexia looking particularly friendly at dinner. leah had seen enough of these over the last year and a half but this one for some reason stung her just a bit more than the rest. she used her secret instagram account enough to realise how close you were with certain members of the barca team. she was happy that you’d settled in over there and yet she felt a pang in her heart at the fact that used to be you and her and her teammates. it still should be. 

leah wasn’t sure whether you knew about her coming to the game. she wasn’t sure whether she should go at all really but she hadn’t seen keira in a while, having missed out on the last national camp due to her knee. you came first though, more so now than ever. after your intense conversation, if you can call it that, at beth’s wedding, leah realised how much she’d dropped the ball towards the end of your relationship. you weren’t coming first to her; you weren’t being prioritised and yet you still did that for her. perhaps she was a bit naïve to think that you’d simply fallen out of love with her and that you’d grown apart naturally. everyday she regretted the fact she just let you walk out the door without fighting for you. she truly didn’t realise what she had until it was gone. she used to come back to a warm home with candles lit, dinner prepared and a stupid cheesy film ready to watch. realising that the warm home she felt she had, that you made, felt the exact opposite to you elicited gut wrenching feelings for her. 

had she ever stopped loving you? absolutely not. had she stopped appreciating you? yes, which she now realises had been her fatal flaw. stuck in her own head coming off the back of the euros success, dealing with fame and recognition that she didn’t realise she’d ever have. everybody wanted a piece of the england captain but she forgot to save a vital part of herself for you. this realisation had triggered something in leah, she needed you more than you’d ever know and she knew you needed her too. she’d give you everything you ever wanted, she’d pull the sun out of the sky for you if you asked and she wanted to show you, in one way or another. if you shot her down, or if she was too late then so be it but leah would be damned if she didn’t try her very hardest.

getting lost in her own thoughts she hadn’t realised she’d liked the instagram story you’d posted of yourself at dinner. thanking god, she was on her second account, until she realised she wasn’t religious and she was most definitely on her actual public verified account. you’d definitely seen it. you were out to dinner with your new friends, potentially a new girlfriend, and she’d just liked your story. your ex-girlfriend had just liked your story. maybe it would make it less weird if she followed you again and then liked your story, so she did, and it was still weird. leah felt a little like a stalker and maybe she was doing a bit of stalking, but she thought it was safe. now she was definitely nervous about seeing you on saturday.

you’d long been home from dinner, only posting about it once you’d all left the restaurant. fans could be a little bit crazy sometimes and you knew both barca and arsenal fans followed you on social media with you being both beth’s little sister and heavily featured on the girl’s accounts at one point or another. the notification came through to your phone as you were mindlessly scrolling through tiktok having tried to fall asleep and failed, your mind running rampant with thoughts of seeing leah again. as if someone had read your mind a notification came through from that exact woman. oh god, she’d liked your story. why would she like your story? why would she like your story and then follow you? maybe she was trying to make it less weird before the weekend. well, if that was her aim she hadn’t succeeded. 

“pick up, pick up, pick up.” you mumbled under your breath, pacing back and forth across your bedroom. “hello?” a voice came from the other side of the line.

“hello? oh, thank god you answered.” a sigh of relief left your mouth as your best friend picked up the phone, albeit she didn’t sound very happy to be answering but, nonetheless. 

“what do you want? it’s like midnight, i’m trying to sleep.”

“well if i can’t sleep neither can you. leah just refollowed me on instagram.” you practically shouted at her down the phone.

“okay, and?”

“and liked my story.” you paused and she didn’t answer, only hearing a huff down the phone so you continued, “of me and the girls out to dinner, specifically a picture of me and alexia.”

“no, i meant and as in like ‘and what’s your point?’. she followed you, you also used to sit on her face until like a year ago.” she pointed out, crudely. 

“oh my god!” you grimaced, “she also stopped following me as soon as i stopped doing that so this is a big deal.” 

“y/n/n, i’m not being funny but it’s really not. i mean you saw her like last weekend. she’s probably just trying to make amends.” she points out, just wanting to go back to sleep at this point and trying to make you feel better before she goes. 

“but this just makes this weekend so much more awkward now. like-“

“wait hold on, the weekend? what about the weekend?” she cuts you off. you realise you may have failed to mention that you had an inevitable encounter with leah approaching, having been distracted since keira told you earlier in the day. 

you sighed, “she’s coming to the quarter final. to see keira.” 

“well why didn’t you lead with that?” she was definitely awake now. “you’re gonna see her. she’s gonna talk to you.”

“do you not think i know that? that’s why i’m freaking out even more.”

“no don’t freak out. it’s a good sign.” she reassured you. “she’ll probably try and speak to you and you didn’t leave things on a very good note, so the follow and the like is a good sign.”

“do you think?” you asked, biting down on your freshly manicured nails. another €40 down the drain now you’d have to get them done again. 

recalling the wedding your best friend tells you, “i know it’s a good sign. you didn’t see her after you argued at the wedding. you might’ve been crying in the bathroom, but she was in bits too. when i saw her, she was practicall shaking y/n, like really upset. i mean she made sure i knew where you were and went to you so it’s obvious, she still cares about you.”

“keira said the same thing.” you smiled to yourself.

“so, stop panicking. try and get some sleep, okay?” she tells you and you nod, forgetting she can’t actually see you, so you hum in response instead. “right, i have to go because i have a normal job that starts at 8am. not all of us can be a doctor to the stars.”

“i’m a physiotherapist.” you corrected her.

“you say tomato, i say tomato. goodnight, love you.”

“love you too.”

trying not to think about it, the next few days passed like a blur, filled with twinges of knees and possible injuries to which thankfully none were serious. with little anticipation, gameday rolled around. were you for sure going to see leah? no. was it a strong possibility? yes, especially with keira’s meddling. 

having a lovely view, thanks to alexia’s assurance, you watched from crowd as barca beat brann with a comfortable 3-1, earning themselves a place in the champions league semi-final. you applauded and cheered for the girls from your seat. frido soon noticed you though beckoning you to come join their celebrations on the pitch. as soon as the other girls noticed, it was clear that no one was taking no for an answer so you climbed over the barriers and with security reassured you weren’t a very dedicated fan, alexia helped you down to the pitch. 

you hadn’t seen leah yet today, beginning to think that maybe you’d come away unscathed, but she’d spotted you within the first 5 minutes of her arrival. maybe it was because she was actively looking for you but there was no proof of that so. she watched on from the pitch where keira had summoned her as the barca girls made you come down from the stands to celebrate with them. you never missed an opportunity to do that at arsenal either as leah’s girlfriend, beth’s sister or their physio. you were always there for the matches come rain or shine, win or lose and it was becoming increasingly more obvious that you weren’t there anymore. the conti cup final was happening in a couple of days and leah wished nothing more than for you to be in the stands where you belonged cheering her on, but instead you’d be here. 

“oi!” keira shoves leah out of her thoughts, “did you listen to a word i just said?” and looks around to see what had garnered leahs attention to which she found you in her sights. “stupid question, obviously not.”

“sorry.” leah mumbled, still yet to actually look away from you.

“you’re not sorry. you should go talk to her.” keira began her meddling. 

“yeah maybe in a bit.” leah smiled sadly at keira, the falseness of it not fooling her best friend for a second. 

you finally caught eyes with leah as alexia turned you in the direction of a funny sign that had her attention, but you found the blonde stood 15 metres from you a lot more interesting, especially the fact that she was already looking at you. so interesting that you hadn’t noticed alexia leaving until you felt her squeeze your arm and heard her tell you she’d be back in a minute. well now you were alone, the girls making their walk around the pitch to celebrate with the fans on the other side. you distracted yourself with a conversation with one of the medical staff that had been on the staff for today’s match, they informed you of the little niggles and twinges some of the girls had complained of during the game and half time. 

“muchas gracias. que pase buena noche.” (thank you so much, have a nice evening.) you thanked the woman with a smile as the rest of the medical team packed up to leave.

“de nada. buenas noches.” (you’re welcome. goodnight.)

pulling your phone out you made a note of what she’d told you. “hi.”

there she was. you wondered how long it would take between you seeing her and her approaching. 10 minutes apparently. “hi.”

“hello.” she said again, you giggling at the awkwardness she never seemed to grow out of. “wait i already said that.”

“yep, you did.”

leah was relieved that you were laughing, better yet that she was the one making you laugh, or even speaking to her after the way things had been left at beth and viv’s wedding. “can we talk?”

“ye-“ you were interrupted by a hold on your arm from a certain spanish midfielder. 

“estás bien?” (are you okay?) alexia asked, directing her attention to you not yet looking at leah. alexia knew all about your past relationship, you’d told her in one of your numerous physio sessions as she had told you about hers. well you hadn’t ever told her who it was only that said ex-girlfriend played alongside your sister but she’d figured it out with the small help of mapi telling her exactly who she was. 

“si, soy buena.”(yeah, i’m good.)  you smiled at her, not sure why she looked so worried for you. leah noticed your smile reached your eyes, a real genuine smile you were sending alexia. one she hadn’t coaxed out of you in some time, and she felt her heart sting once more. it was one thing seeing yours and alexia’s friendship or whatever it was through her phone screen but seeing it stand directly in front of her was worse than she thought.

“hola, leah.” once she saw that you were okay and seemingly unaffected (you were affected, just keeping it under wraps) by leahs approach, alexia turned her attention to her fellow blonde national captain. 

“hi. good game.” leah pulled alexia in for a handshake, trying not to let the jealousy that was bubbling inside her show on the outside. 

“oh, thank you. nice to see you.” alexia gave her a tight smile as she squeezed your hand and headed to follow the rest of the girls back inside. alexia was worried for her new friend, not wanting to see her return to the headspace she was in when she first arrived in barcelona. 

you and leah headed back towards the stands where coincidentally you’d only been sat a few rows apart. “how are you?” she asked as she gave you a hand to help you back over the barrier. 

“yeah, i’m good. how are you?”

“been better.” she sent you a sad smile. “i know you probably haven’t got much time but i just wanted to see if you’re up for getting a coffee or something before i go home on monday?” 

you were both surprised and not surprised at leah’s question. you’d expected to have a conversation with her but thought it might’ve happened today. mapi’s words of advice rang through your head. you did miss her a lot, you thought about her all the time. maybe having that closure without the arguing would help you process this. clearly, you’d been doing a pretty shitty job by yourself for the past year and a half if every time you saw her all the feeling came rushing back. 

“yeah actually, i’d like that. i’m free tomorrow morning?” you proposed.

“wait really? are you joking?” the smile appeared on her face. shed asked the question half expecting you to say no.

“obviously i’m not joking you idiot.” you laughed at her expression.

“tomorrows good. tomorrows so good.” she told you, still smiling widely. in reality, tomorrow wasn’t good. she had plans to go for breakfast with keira and her girlfriend tomorrow, but keira could wait. they’ll get lunch instead. 

should someone be this stressed to see their ex-girlfriend again? probably not. should they also be this stressed over what they look like to see their ex-girlfriend again? also, probably not.

you’d been up 2 hours before you were supposed to be after not sleeping much at all in the first place. you’d gotten your outfit ready last night, declining your invitation to the club with the team to celebrate to ensure that you had a fresh head in the morning. deciding that the outfit you’d chosen last night wasn’t good enough and you hated your entire wardrobe ended with about 4 outfit changes before you finally got in your car, 20 minutes after you were supposed to leave.

“i’m so sorry i’m late leah.” you rushed out as you sat across from her at the table shed been perched at for 25 45 minutes. 

“don’t worry, just had me thinking you weren’t going to show up.” she chuckled nervously, sliding the drink shed bough you over to you. “one iced latte with oat milk and one shot of vanilla and a shot of hazelnut.”

“you remembered.” you smiled at her. your coffee order had never changed in the years leah had known you and it hadn’t since. if you needed to be in work earlier than leah, there would be an iced latte on your desk promptly when she walked through the doors of the training centre. 

“hard not to remember when you probably consist of 90% iced latte.”

“so has keira shown you the barcelona sights?” 

“a few. found my favourite one yesterday at the game though.” she flirted. old habits die hard, i guess.

“i see you haven’t lost your charm miss williamson.” you laughed lightly. both of you dancing around the real reason leah asked you to meet.

“you seem really happy here, y/n/n.” leah pointed out. a bittersweet feeling to know that you were thriving somewhere else when she believed you should be in london, with her, but at least you were happy.

“yeah its been rough, i wont lie to you.” leah winced at your words, realising she’d been the reason for your move in the first place so she had no right to wish you were back in london. this was your home now. “you were a big part of my time in london so we said goodbye and then i had to say goodbye.”

“i know we left beth and viv’s on a sour note, but i really am genuinely sorry. for everything. the breakup, the neglect, the argument at the wedding. all of it.” she reaches across the small coffee table to grab your hand, something she always did to stop you biting at your painted nails. 

“you still have it?” you borderline gasped at the sparkle you noticed on leahs hand. as soon as you noticed she retracted her hand, as if moving it would somehow take back what you’d seen, but you held tightly.

“erm-“ she cleared her throat, not expecting you or anyone else to see that the ring you bought her still holds pride of place on her hand some days, today being one of them. “yeah, i just like to have it on sometimes. reminds me of a better time.” in reality, she was wearing it at the wedding and hadn’t taken it off since. how could she take the ring off if she hadn’t stopped thinking about the girl who gave it to her? 

“i didn’t mean to be so harsh towards you the other week, le.” you told her as you let go of her hand, falling back into your seat. “i think i just got overwhelmed. the whole day was a lot, you just got the brunt of it.”

“trust me i deserved it. if all i get of you these days is to be your punching bag, i’ll take it. it’s the least i can do.”

you chuckled sadly, knowing exactly what lead you and leah to this point but still wondering how you got here at the same time. “i miss you, y/n/n. i know i said it at the wedding, but it’s been a year and a half and some days i think i might be over it, that i might be ready to move on but i’m not and i’m really scared that i never will be.”

“i don’t want you to think that i don’t miss you because i do. all the time.” you confessed to her. “but that doesn’t change the fact that what happened and what you did really hurt me, leah. towards the end i was so afraid of you going to an event or a trip and leaving me that i didn’t realise i’d left myself behind already.”

leah hung her head. never in her life had she been so ashamed of how she’d treated someone, especially someone who loved and cared about her so deeply. you would have done anything for leah and a lot of the times you did. she always came first with you, and you did to her, until all of a sudden you didn’t. deep down you knew that it was partly to do with leah dealing with the sides of fame she never had to deal with before, becoming a household name within the space of a few weeks during the euros, but you also knew that you just weren’t her priority anymore whether she meant to do it or not. 

“but i’m really tired of being angry leah.” you continued, the word ‘but’ sending a slither of hope through leah as she looked back towards you. “and i do miss you, so id really like it if we could be friends again.”

“i’d really like that too. having you back in any capacity is more than i deserve and more than good enough for me.” leah smiled wider than you’d seen in a while. even on your stalks through instagram you knew that half those smiles were fake.  

“friends?”

“friends.”

the long awaited part 2! decided there will be at least 1-2 more parts of this just bare with me. enjoy🤍

[fushiguruuzzzz]

xvii  ⊹ ࣪ ˖  Party Anthem

Series mlist 

Tags — mentions of alcohol, possibly offensive humour (yk this by now), don’t get angry at me pls. 

Words — 1.2k 

Night had long set in over the horizon, and the frat was oddly hot for such a cool November evening. It was muggy and reeking of cheap alcohol, something everyone had grown desensitized to after ingesting some of it themselves. 

One minute you were sprawled out over a couch, mindlessly chattering away with your group of friends. The next moment, you spotted Nobara in the heaps of people and decided it would be a great idea to dance. Your body swayed side to side, an orange head of hair bobbing around at your side. She was clearly wasted by now, an arm wrapped around your shoulders as she tried and failed to sing along to whatever 2000’s pop song played through the speakers. You could feel people around you stumbling, bumping into you so often it was almost rhythmic. 

You couldn’t even bring yourself to feel uncomfortable. This wasn’t exactly your scene, but anything that was vibrant enough to distract you was better than… whatever you were doing before. 

He was here. You could feel it in your bones, the way your heartstrings tugged like they were being toyed with by a puppeteer. With every reminder of him came another shot, the bitter alcohol pouring down your throat. Your head had begun to feel fuzzy long ago, tv static seeming to be on repeat in the depths of your mind. It wasn’t enough. Nothing was enough to erase him. And somehow, the alcohol only heightened your ability to dwell. 

You just wanted to know why. Was that so much to ask? To wonder why he was so normal, and then so… soft, and then suddenly he was nothing at all? Nothing but curses and anger and awkwardness? You knew you hadn’t done anything, but it was the only reason you could conjure up. Your heavy heart was apparent in the way your joints were stiff as Nobara moved you to the beat of the music, the way your eyes looked far away as you stared into space. Even the drunken girl could see that much. 

“M’gonna get a drink. Bye,” she said, words slurred and curt. She didn’t give you a chance to respond, you were left reaching out to the ghost of her, alone in a room full of dirtbags. 

It was simply reflex to retreat to the outskirts, the calmer wall in the corner of the room. Just a moment to breathe, to observe, to remember that you were you and not just some drunk girl escaping Megumi. Not everything was about him. 

Or, apparently, it was. Of course he was over here. Of fucking course. He was everywhere you went, lurking and hovering just a few steps ahead at all times. You didn’t want to see him, not now. Not when your mouth had been loosened by clear vodka and your anger was ever so overran by your sadness. It barely took a sideways glance at him to have your shoulders stiffen, a look of disdain taking over your features as you stared straight ahead. 

He caught your eye. He knew you were there, he always would. It seemed that his body knew before his mind, his pulse quickening and hands growing jittery. He silently watched you for a few moments, contemplating whether you’d hit him or not if he simply grabbed you and forced you to listen. It was obvious you didn’t want to talk to him, and had it been anyone else he would’ve left it alone. But it was you. You were different; you were always different. 

“[name].” 

No response. He moved closer, nearly caging you in, though involuntarily. Truth be told, he wasn’t exactly sober either. Itadori had a knack for influencing him. Maybe that’s why he was being so forward, shameless as he almost begged for your attention. 

“I’m talking to you,” he said. 

“I know.” 

He sighed, shoulders slumping. He expected nothing less from you, a quick mouth and subtle attitude. “[name].” Wow, he really liked the way your name sounded on his lips. “Please, can’t you just—just give me the time of day?” 

“Like you did? You ignored me for two weeks, Fushiguro,” you spat his name like it pierced your tongue to utter. This wasn’t a good time. Your emotions were amped up, every vibration from the suffocating music in the background shooting through you and only irritating you further. 

“I know, that’s why I’m asking you–“ 

“What did I do? Huh? Tell me what I did,” you cut him off, a crease forming between your brows. Then he saw it. Hidden beneath layers of anger and disdain was hurt, desperation to know why he’d shut you out. That made the guilt far worse. It felt like there was a pit in his chest, or rather a black hole, leaving him hollow inside. It was a dull ache of so much love being there, but not enough courage. 

Without thinking, his shaky hand reached out to you. It landed on your shoulder, clumsy and uncoordinated. “Nothing. You didn’t… you could never do anything to make me ignore you.” 

“So why?” you asked, voice breaking. You hated the way you subconsciously leaned into his touch, his face only a few short inches away from you. 

“Because I’m a coward,” he whispered. You don’t know when or how you moved in closer, you just know that you both did and it felt so utterly right that you couldn’t pull away. His pupils were dilated, love or alcohol? Possibly both. 

Was this actually happening? You could smell the faint scent of his cologne radiating from him, his breath smelling of alcohol as it mingled with yours. You could see every detail of his face from here. He looked gentle and desperate and something swirled in his eyes that you hadn’t seen before, but you wanted to. You wanted to see all of him, to understand every inch and mannerism and every other bit. You didn’t want Noritoshi. It had never been him. Always your Megumi. 

“Megumi,” you mumbled, the word sounding much sweeter on your lips than his surname had. 

“That’s better,” he breathed, and you swore you felt the touch of his lips on your own. 

But then came Todo, big and beefy and drunk and knocking into everyone. He seemed to be looking specifically for Megumi, grabbing his shoulder all too enthusiastically for the moment. 

“Hey, Fushiguro! You seen my brother?” he asked. You were left standing by the wall, struck by what had almost just happened. You could barely form any sort of coherent thought, mentally doing laps around the room. Megumi didn’t look much better, eyes wide and throat bobbing as he tried to compose himself. He was always composed, he wasn’t going to let that stop now. 

“No,” he grumbled, one word answers being the only thing he was conscious enough to say. Todo, looking defeated, left to continue his search. By the time you peeled your eyes away from the retreating figure of the boy, Megumi was gone. Disappeared into the crowd, nothing but a fish in a sea of people. 

He was fucked. 

Taglist !¡ — 

@1l-ynn @meowymeowbreow @missunrise @kiss-my-asscheeks @good-mourning0 @starrysho @gumims @beaniesayshi @mrowwww @luvvmae @megumislovedoll @azharyy @starsryi @tibibibi123 @idkidk32 @dazaisfavgf @tlissablr @vi0let-writes @walllflowerrrsss @sh0ot1ngst4r @blubearxy @tvnamayo @san-it-is-i-guess @harryzcherry @withlovesai @vivienne-jo

Aha… don’t attack me for this one Megumi went and hid in the washroom fs next chap will be a continued ver of this chap!! Like they’ll still be at the party it’s almost over… omg… I write every chap in one sitting btw so like don’t get mad if they’re shitty

[brunchable]

I Should Have Kissed You Longer.

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x Ghost F!Reader. Warning: HEAVY ANGST. JUST PURE ANGST. Grief. Death. Acceptance. Summary: After Y/N's sudden death, Bucky clings to her memory by calling her voicemail—until one night, she answers. Through a series of heart-wrenching conversations, Y/N comforts him, helping Bucky process his grief. But when the time comes for a final goodbye, Bucky must find the strength to let go. A/N: Inspired by You've reached Sam. If you want to get wrecked, I recommend reading that book.

Bucky hadn’t touched her side of the bed. He couldn’t. The faint scent of her perfume still clung to the pillows, a mix of jasmine and vanilla, her favorite. Her denim jacket—the one she never left the house without—was draped over the back of the chair, just as she had left it. He hadn’t moved it, hadn’t dared. It was like a piece of her was still here, still lingering in the empty spaces she used to fill.

The accident had been so sudden, so brutal. One moment, they were on their way home from dinner, the next, the screeching of tires and the sound of metal crumpling tore through the night. Bucky had survived with barely a scratch, but Y/N... the doctors had done everything they could. Everything except save her. If only he had been faster, maybe he could have pulled her out before the car flipped, before the fire swallowed everything.

If he had known how little time they had left, maybe he would’ve held her a little longer the last time they embraced. Maybe he wouldn’t have let go so quickly, wouldn’t have been so casual about their mornings together. He would’ve paid attention to the way her fingers tangled in his hair when she kissed him, or how she’d laugh at his terrible jokes. He would’ve memorized the sound of her voice, so that now, in the deafening quiet of his life, he could still hear it.

But she was gone. And all that was left were the memories—and the things she left behind.

For a long moment, Bucky could feel her lying there beside him. If he turned his head to look, he knew he’d see her warmly tucked and curled into the blanket, wearing his favorite hoodie, her eyes wide yet soft as she studied his face. She’d smile—that small, beautiful smile she always had while admiring him quietly. Her gaze would drift over his short hair, her fingers itching to reach out and brush through it like she used to.

But Bucky didn’t dare to look, because he was scared no one would be there. So, he just stared straight up at the ceiling and allowed himself to keep pretending. Pretending that she was still here. Pretending that she’d be there when he woke up, her arms wrapped around him, breathing softly as if she’d never left.

Bucky’s hand trembled as he reached for his phone. Her contact was still pinned to the top, her picture smiling up at him, mocking the ache in his chest. He never changed it, never could.

He had been listening to her voicemail for weeks now. It was the only way he could still hear her voice. Some days, he’d call her number, even though he knew she wouldn’t pick up, just to hear her say, “Hey, it’s Y/N. Sorry I missed your call. Leave me a message, and I’ll get back to you.”

Bucky pressed the voicemail once again, letting it play through the speaker. It was a comfort he couldn’t let go of—like keeping her close for just a little longer.

He listened to the message again. He listened to it on the way home, and several more times before he fell asleep. He listened to it the next morning when he woke up. He listened to it again that night, and the day after that. He listened to it on the days he missed her the most, when the weight of her absence felt too heavy to bear. Just to hear her voice again. To pretend for a few seconds that she was still here.

He listened to her voicemail until he had it memorized. Every pause, every inflection. Until the words played in his head like a song stuck on repeat, and he didn’t need to play it anymore.

But tonight, as he lay in the dark, staring at the ceiling, he pressed play again.

“Hey, it’s Y/N. Sorry I missed your call. Leave me a message, and I’ll get back to you.”

He closed his eyes, letting her voice fill the empty spaces she used to occupy. For a few precious moments, it was almost like she hadn’t gone at all.

Bucky’s thumb hovered over her name, just like every other night. But tonight, something felt different. His heart pounded in his chest as he pressed call again, knowing it would go straight to voicemail like it always did.

Only this time, it didn’t.

It didn’t go to voicemail.

Someone picked up.

“Hello? Bucky?”

It was her voice.

His breath caught in his throat, his heart stuttering as everything came crashing down around him. His hand tightened on the phone as if it might slip away, like if he let go for even a second, she’d vanish into the ether. “Y/N?” His voice trembled, barely a whisper.

“Bucky, it’s me,” she said softly, just like she always did when she was reassuring him.

He sat up so fast the room spun around him. “How… how is this… I don’t understand,” he stammered, his mind racing to make sense of the impossible. He could feel the tears welling up, but he didn’t care. She was there. She was talking to him. She was there.

“I don’t know,” she replied, her voice distant yet so familiar, like she was just in the next room, just beyond his reach. “But I’m here.”

Bucky’s throat tightened as tears slipped down his face, but he didn’t wipe them away. “God, I miss you,” he whispered, his voice cracking under the weight of it all. “Every day. I didn’t know—if I had known, Y/N, I would’ve done everything differently. I would’ve told you how much you meant to me every damn day.”

“I know, Bucky,” she soothed. “I know. I miss you too.”

His hands shook, his heart screaming for him to ask her to come back, to be with him again, to tell him this was real. That this wasn’t just a cruel dream. But instead, he whispered, “Where are you?”

There was a long pause on the other end, and for a moment, Bucky thought maybe he had lost her again. But then her voice returned, soft and gentle, like a hand brushing against his cheek. “I’m not far. I’m always with you, even if you can’t see me.”

Bucky’s chest tightened as he clenched the phone harder, desperation clawing at him. “Please… don’t go. Don’t leave me again.”

“I’m not leaving,” she promised, but her voice began to fade, like she was slipping away. “I’ll always be here when you need me. You know how to find me.”

And then the line went dead.

Bucky stared at the phone, his heart hammering, his mind spinning. He hadn’t imagined it. He hadn’t made it up. Y/N had been there. He heard her. He knew he heard her.

But as the minutes ticked by and the silence stretched on, the ache in his chest returned, the crushing weight of loss settling in once again. He laid back down, clutching the phone to his chest, and closed his eyes.

He could almost feel her there beside him.

× × × ×

The next day, Bucky did something he hadn’t done in months: he woke up with a glimmer of hope. His hand immediately reached for his phone, and he pressed call before he could talk himself out of it.

It rang once. Twice.

“Hello?”

Y/N’s voice again. Bucky’s heart skipped a beat. “Y/N?”

“I’m here,” she answered, her tone light and familiar, like this was normal. Like she wasn’t supposed to be gone.

The conversation came easier this time. She spoke to him like nothing had changed, like they still had all the time in the world. They laughed, joked about the things that made them them. Y/N even teased him, asking if he’d finally learned how to use the dishwasher properly without her around to supervise.

“The dishes,” Bucky chuckled, the sound rusty, like he hadn’t laughed in ages. “God, I miss those dishes you’d leave in the sink. You’d make a mess, and I’d always be the one to clean it up.”

“I was testing your patience,” she teased, the warmth in her voice making his heart ache.

“And you were good at it,” he murmured. “I miss that. I miss you.”

“I know,” she whispered, her voice softer now. “I miss you too, Buck.”

He called her the next day. And the next. Each time, her voice was there, pulling him back from the edge, lifting the weight of his grief just a little. They didn’t talk about the accident, didn’t talk about what had happened. Instead, they talked about the little things. How she used to steal his hoodies and never give them back. How Bucky would tease her about leaving the cap off the toothpaste, just to watch her roll her eyes. How he missed the way her fingers would brush over his shoulder when she passed by him in the hallway, how she’d hum while cooking breakfast even though she always burned the toast.

Each call, she was there, easing the ache in his chest, making him laugh, making him feel like maybe, just maybe, he could keep going. That maybe, he wasn’t as alone as he thought.

But Bucky knew. Deep down, he knew this couldn’t last forever.

One night, he called her again, just like he had every night before. He expected the same light-hearted voice, the same easy banter. But this time, her voice was quieter, more somber.

“Bucky,” she began softly, and Bucky’s heart clenched, already knowing what was coming. “I have to go soon.”

His breath hitched, the room spinning around him. He had known, he had known, but hearing the words tore through him like a knife.

“No… please,” he whispered, his voice breaking. “Don’t go. Not yet.”

“I don’t want to,” she said gently, and Bucky could hear the sadness in her voice too. “But it’s time.”

“No, Y/N,” he choked out, his chest tightening with each breath. “I can’t do this without you. I’m not ready. I’m not ready to say goodbye.”

“You are,” she insisted, her voice steady even as his world crumbled. “You are ready, Bucky. You’ve always been stronger than you think. You just need to believe it.”

Tears blurred his vision as he gripped the phone tighter, his knuckles white. “I don’t want to lose you again.”

“You’re not losing me,” she whispered. “I’ll always be with you. In the memories. In the quiet moments. You’ll feel me there, I promise.”

Bucky shook his head, even though she couldn’t see him. He wasn’t ready. Not yet. “I don’t want the memories, Y/N. I just want you.”

“I know,” she whispered, her voice breaking now too. “I know. But this isn’t goodbye. Not really. You’ll carry me with you.”

Bucky’s throat tightened, the panic rising like a tidal wave. He was talking too fast now, his words tripping over themselves, desperate to tell her everything, everything he’d ever held back. “I—I didn’t say it enough, Y/N. I didn’t tell you how much I loved you. Every time I made you coffee in the morning, I was trying to show you. When I stayed up to make sure you got home safe, I should’ve just said it instead of sitting in silence. I should’ve told you how I love your rude interruptions where you kiss me while I was in the middle of saying something. I should’ve told you that every little thing, even the way you left your clothes all over the floor, I loved it. I loved you. All of it.”

“I know, Bucky,” she whispered, and now her voice was breaking, too. “I know you loved me. You didn’t have to say it every day. I felt it. In every little thing you did.”

“But I didn’t say it enough,” he choked out, the tears falling faster now. “And now I can’t. I’ll never be able to say it again. I—”

“Bucky,” she interrupted softly, “you’ll still feel me. My love for you is everywhere. In the blue sky, in the whispers of spring, in the way the leaves fall in autumn. You’ll feel me in the smallest moments—in every little nook of your life. I’ll always be with you.”

Bucky was sobbing now, barely able to catch his breath. “I don’t want the sky, I don’t want whispers, I just want you.” His voice cracked, the pain unbearable. “I need you.”

“I’m everywhere, Bucky,” she whispered. “You’ll never be alone. You just have to look for me.”

He knew she was right. But it didn’t make it any easier. The finality of it hit him like a sledgehammer, crushing him beneath the weight of his grief. “I don’t know how to hang up,” he whispered, his voice barely audible.

There was a long silence, and Bucky could feel her, waiting with him, holding on as long as she could. “You’re going to be okay, Bucky,” she said, her voice gentle, though thick with emotion. “I believe in you. I always have.”

Bucky swallowed hard, his thumb trembling over the screen. “I love you, Y/N,” he whispered, his voice raw and broken. “I’ll always love you.”

“I love you too, Bucky,” she said softly. “Always.”

His hand shook as he wiped the tears from his face, the phone still pressed to his ear. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t end the call. But he knew he had to.

“Bucky,” Y/N whispered, her voice soft, soothing. “It’s okay. You can do this.”

He inhaled sharply, trying to steady himself, his chest rising and falling in heavy, labored breaths. His fingers trembled as he exhaled slowly, bracing himself for what came next. 

“I don’t want to do this,” he whispered, his voice shaking. “I’m not ready.”

“You are,” she reassured him gently. “I’m still with you, Bucky. I’m everywhere, remember? You’ll feel me in the air, in the sun, in every little thing. I’m not really gone.”

Bucky’s breath hitched, tears streaming down his face as he struggled to hold on for just a moment longer. “I need more time,” he choked out, his chest tightening. “I’m not strong enough for this.”

“Yes, you are,” she whispered, her voice full of warmth and love. “You’re stronger than you think. I’m so proud of you. You’ve got this. You can let go.”

He sucked in another breath, his hands trembling as he gripped the phone tighter, as if holding on to her. His heart pounded painfully in his chest, each breath feeling like it might be his last. “I—I don’t want to say goodbye.”

“This isn’t goodbye,” she soothed, her voice like a balm to his frayed heart. “I’m always going to be with you. Just close your eyes and listen for me. I’ll always be there.”

Bucky exhaled shakily, tears slipping down his face. “I love you,” he whispered again, his voice cracking with the weight of it all.

“I love you too,” she whispered back, her voice soft but sure. “And I always will.”

Bucky inhaled deeply, his chest heaving with the effort of bracing himself for what he knew had to come next. He held the phone to his ear, his hand trembling, the weight of the moment crushing him.

“You can do this, Bucky,” Y/N whispered one last time, her voice like a gentle breeze, comforting him in his darkest moment. “I’m right here. You can let go.”

With one final, deep breath, Bucky pressed end call.

The line went silent.

He stared at the phone, his chest rising and falling in ragged, uneven breaths, his vision blurred with tears. It was over. The last call. The last time he’d ever hear her voice.

And this time, as he lay back down on her side of the bed, staring up at the ceiling, he wasn’t pretending.

He was letting go.

[lavenderspence]

unexplained sadness | A.H.

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x fem!reader | Word Count: 2.5K

Content warning: pre-established relationship, depression, mental health struggles, mentions of therapy, angst, supportive!aaron

Summary: you've struggled to find a way out from under the darkness for years, but you were thankful he offered the final push you needed.

A/N: I drafted this a few days, contemplating if I should even post it. it's very self-indulgent. I wrote it at a time when I wasn't able to understand my own feelings, and im still not sure how. I think this is the realest my writing has been, but i do think I'm posting this with the most vulnerability as well. I want you all to remember, just in case you're struggling - you're amazing, you're enough and I believe in you. Life is crazy, but it will get better, allow yourself to be patient, and most importantly, take the greatest, most gentle care of yourself 💕

masterlist

You looked around, well aware of the amount of relief that should be flooding your body right now. It usually did at the end of a case, where another monster was put to rot in a cage much appropriate for its’ sins. 

But even knowing what you should be feeling, the simple truth was - you weren’t feeling anything at all, and you hadn’t for a while. 

And even when you did feel something, you could never explain it. It was a mess, where many emotions fought a battle, but in the end, all it came down to was an endless void where the darkness and despair of the unexplained won out.

The only thing you could feel at that moment was the pressure of the vest compressing against your chest. It stole the little amount of oxygen in your lungs in favor of an overwhelming amount of hidden sadness. 

Even with the sun high up in the sky and the warmth it was supposed to spread all over your skin, you felt cold - no warmth actually penetrated the top layer of your skin. And the chatter - EMTs, police officers, and outlookers, you couldn’t process anything at all. 

It was like you were standing there, like a statue, a headstone to remind everyone of your presence once upon a time, but not anymore. Physically, you were alive and aware, but mentally, you’ve been fighting a battle you could confidently admit you were losing. 

Your thoughts were deeply wrapped in a cobweb of confusion and melancholy, a never-ending cycle that couldn’t stop repeating itself. It felt like you didn’t exist outside the realm of your own despair. Each day the shadows around you persisted in their pursuit of you, dragging in with them this empty feeling, designed to leave you feeling like a loner. 

The string holding you tethered to the person you’d been before was tinning each day as the distance between you grew bigger and bigger. You no longer even felt her presence at all. For weeks you’ve fought a silent battle against your own mind, and even your body sometimes. 

You tried to hide behind a mask of fake smiles and nights spent around the people you trusted most, hoping you’d feel better, but you never did. You only felt this state you were in, as it gained speed and grew in volume. 

But there was a certain pair of eyes that saw the subtle changes in you, straight into a place even you couldn’t see. Warm chocolate, sometimes shining amber in the sun - somehow strict but also oh so soft. 

You thought you hid it well, but you could never hide yourself from him, and you should have known. 

Your hotel room was dark and quiet, safe for the gentle light and sound that came from the TV. A movie was playing, an early 2000s song in the background. The duvet felt heavy over your body, and you longed to kick it off in an effort to feel less trapped, but you couldn’t find the strength to. It was like your whole body was paralyzed in a fatal position with your muscles locked and your eyes open but unseeing. 

Case after case came, and each day it got harder. You had to try and perfect a mask you were getting tired of wearing, tired of hiding behind. You couldn’t skip work, lest you wanted to feel like more of a failure than you already did sometimes. 

You felt scared to admit to your struggles, half unsure what your struggles were to begin with, half unwilling to unload on others. You were willing to suffer and fight this on your own until you either had nothing left to fight against or no strength left to fight at all.

Your mind was working overtime, half empty and dark, half full and constantly spinning, you didn’t even process the foreign sound at first. Only it wasn’t so foreign - a series of gentle raps or someone’s knuckles against the door. Knocking. They were just enough to alert you of a newcoming presence but not disturb you or others in any way. 

You didn’t move a muscle. Even when two more knocks followed, even more gentle than the first, all you could do was blink. Even with the soft call of your name that came seconds later, you couldn’t find the strength to answer or even get up. You couldn’t even twitch. 

You stood there frozen in place, in time. Frozen between the walls of a prison of your own mind’s making. 

The knocks stopped, as did the voice calling out your name, maybe finally resigned to the fact you weren’t answering at all. 

Giving up on you the way you’d given up on yourself. 

You would be surprised if you didn’t feel a tiny bit of relief at being left on your own. Too bad the relief didn’t actually last long - just seconds after the lock beeped, signaling it was unlocked, and the door was slowly opening, bathing the room in the hallway light. 

Even with the small, hesitant steps this person took, you were instantly able to tell by the sounds of his feet hitting the wooden floor who it was. 

“Did you know it’s actually illegal to break into someone’s space?” Your voice came out raspy from misuse. You weren’t sure how much time had actually passed since you made it to your room, but if you had to guess, probably several hours had gone by.

“I do know that actually, it’s criminal law 101.” He retorted before you felt the mattress dip close to your feet, “You missed dinner.” He mussed.

A part of you couldn’t handle having a conversation with him, not right now. Not in the complete darkness, and the quiet stretched between you both. 

“I wasn’t hungry.” You answered simply. You waited for him to say something, and you waited and waited, and he wasn’t saying anything. It was like he was looking for the right words to use, so as not to offend you, or set you off. But you wouldn’t feel any of it if he did - just as the night was dark outside and so was your mind. 

“Just spit it out, Hotch.” You finally used a part of his name, unintentionally closing the distance the smallest bit even when you tried to stay away. Maybe subconsciously you knew you could trust him, if a little.  

“You’re not doing well.” 

You didn’t even hesitate. “Wow, way to show you aren't actually a gentleman.”

“I’m not trying to...” You could almost see him shaking his head, so in tune with his reactions from years of working alongside him, “I’m worried about you.” It left him in a whisper, like he was afraid to admit it. 

“I’m okay, there’s no need.” You denied it like it was your biggest defense against his accusations. Except they weren’t that, genuine worry dripped along with his words, but you had a hard time accepting it. You couldn’t, didn’t want to. Being vulnerable, especially in front of him, could cost you a lot, and with the way you’ve been living, you couldn’t afford it.

Even when deep in your heart you trusted him with everything, even yourself. 

You felt him place his hand on the duvet, enclasping his palm around your calf. “You were okay five weeks ago, and you haven’t been since then. I’ve been watching you wear a mark and barely holding yourself from falling apart. I don’t think ‘okay’ applies right now.” 

“I thought we promised not to profile each other.” You muttered brokenly, feeling parts of the mask he was talking about cracking in places. It was like having him so close, peeling your outer layers slowly, and leaving you exposed, finally making your emotional reactions coincide with your lack of understanding. It was like he was exposing all of you both to himself and you too. 

“Not at the expense of suffering in silence, we didn’t.” He answered with conviction, no hesitation. He was making it apparent your wellbeing was more important to him than any promise he might have made to you or others. He was letting you know he was prioritizing your health over everything else. 

He understood you even without you having to say anything. Just by watching you try to swim to the surface of the ocean and still being pushed by the crashing waves, he could already feel that you were struggling. 

He could see you were self-isolating, even when you were being surrounded by people. He picked up on the signs in the subtle subject changes you made whenever someone asked anything about you. You were unwilling to share, even though you loved sharing any little detail about your interest, allowing others to do the same. 

You let Garcia talk about her software and cute animals and allowed Reid to share any little fact with you he could. But even when you listened, it wasn’t hard to see you really weren’t. Staring into spaces or faking an interest, even though he knew you would be interested in the first place, had there not been anything amis to begin with. 

And slowly piece after piece had started falling together, like a puzzle started, yet left abandoned. 

In the darkness of the hotel room, miles away from your home and mere doors down from the rest of your team, a piece deep inside you started longing for the understanding he was offering. It started building up with worry over the reality of the words you knew you needed to say but were too scared to. It started wishing for a new slate, where the overwhelming amount of confusion and empty darkness no longer followed you like a shadow. 

It slowly started coming to terms with the fact that you weren’t enough to fight this on your own and that maybe you needed help to do so.

For the first time in weeks, months, who knew, maybe even years, you wanted to talk about it. You wanted to admit to your state of mind where reality got mangled with your deepest darkest thoughts imaginable, where self-doubt and the feeling of worthlessness took over. Where giving up sounded so much better than trying out again. Where any positivity was instantly turned into negativity whether you liked it or not. 

For the first time you craved being helped, you wanted to understand your own struggles and get better. You wanted to thrive in the life you were living instead of settling for simply existing. You wanted to talk, and you wanted to tell him all that. 

You rolled your lips between your teeth before you bit down until you tasted blood. One of your hands barely made it out from underneath the warmth of the duvet before you grabbed into the bedding with a tight fist. 

“I don’t think I’m doing okay, Aaron.” You whispered into the darkness. The bed dipped and groaned as he moved closer, settling just centimeters away from your cocoon this time. You were so busy looking over the skyline that you didn’t even see his hand move until you felt his warm palm overtop your skin. He held onto you, trying to prompt you into releasing the bedding, tapping his fingers in a gentle manner. 

He was offering you comfort without really saying or doing anything. He was letting you try and put your thoughts together before you entrusted him with the truth. 

“One minute I’m good, and the next it feels like I lose all touch with my own self and my feelings - It’s all empty, or an overwhelming amount of sadness I couldn’t begin to even understand. I can’t even grasp what prompts this sudden change. I’ve tried fighting it for so long, years maybe, and each time it comes back, I’m left feeling more hopeless than the last.” You explained in a small voice. 

A wave of relief, if small, rocked your whole body. There was something freeling about saying it out loud, ignoring the fear of admitting that had followed you for years. 

“Have you ever told anyone about it?” His voice was just another shadow in the room. A timbre so calm, quiet, and soothing that you knew he was listening with no reservations and no judgments. Just a pure need to help.

You went to shake your head, but remembered you were both still looking towards the window. “I’ve always played it off as a joke. I’ve never let it sound like I really mean it. Not like I do right now.” It was one of the many truths you’d admitted to that night. Even when you played it off, you knew deep inside it was a small cry for help you didn’t want to. You were unwilling to take the right steps in order to get the help you needed. 

“Why joke about it?” You thought about it for a second, trying to clear out the fog of the past.

“I guess…” Your fingers clenched underneath his own. “I guess I just wanted to see if anyone cared enough to ask if I was serious. They didn’t.” Realistically, you knew you shouldn’t wait on other people or expect them to see something amiss before you looked for help. But a part deep enough inside you wanted the reassurance that someone loved you enough to notice.

“But you want to get help?” He mumbled, still tapping his finger against your own.

“Yes.” You didn’t even have to think about it. You owed yourself that much, and all the help possible you could get.

“Okay.” He exhaled in relief, “As soon as we get back, we’ll start looking, yeah?”

“Yeah.” You whispered. You felt his hand squeeze your own in reassurance. You turned your palm up, enveloped his own hand, and gave him one back, “Thank you, Aaron.”

A few minutes of looking at the starless sky passed before he prompted you to move, if just enough to walk into the bathroom and wash your face - and you did. When you came back, he’d made himself comfortable leaning against the headboard, legs stretched on the mattress. 

He spent the night sleeping in yesterday’s clothes, trying to make sure you were doing okay and weren’t left feeling lonely. 

You knew there was a long path ahead of you - the path to self-understanding and acceptance of your own flaws and struggles, as well as the changes you may need to adapt to moving forward. Something you were undoubtedly going to have a hard time with. Where you’d need to fight against the days when you questioned whether it was worth it. Where you’d slowly have to come to terms with the fact that as long as you were making yourself happy and keeping yourself afloat, there wasn’t anything worth more. 

The path to recovery was never supposed to be easy or linear, but you had him to thank for being the final push. You had to be thankful for each minute of the time he gave you. And each grain of love he showed you in the process. 

You needed the help - for yourself, your past, your present, and your future self. And for every second you spent failing to understand the person you were and the feelings you held onto.

Comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated!!!

[screamforyani]

sextape

warnings: smut, fluff, non-gf!au, oral (f receiving), no actual recording in spite of what the title implies

wc. 1.2k

you were officially going to die.

finals were coming up any day now and you’d spent the past couple of days drowning in homework and studying. there was currently no sunlight entering your room, merely the golden-yellowish hue of your lamp as you hurched over your desk, and you no longer felt human. you felt like a zombie. or something that subsisted solely on caffeine and energy drinks.

you jolted when ethan entering your room, but let out a relieved breath when you realized it was just him. he winced. “sorry, i didn’t mean to scare you. did i scare you? i probably scared you.”

you giggled, waving him off. “it’s fine, babe.”

“okay, cool,” ethan said, smiling sheepishly. then, he noticed the music playing from your speakers. “oh, hey. i like this song.”

you glanced over at your speakers, having completely tuned out the sound of the music, until you seemed to finally notice the deftones song playing in the background. “oh, yeah,” you hummed. “it helps me concentrate.”

“songs about sex help you concentrate?” ethan asked, a playful grin on his lips. he almost sounded teasing. 

you rolled your eyes. “it doesn’t matter what the songs about if i’m gonna tune it out anyways.”

“oh,” ethan hummed, seeming to understand. he closed your door behind himself, approaching your desk where you were sitting. “can i help you concentrate?”

“ethan, please,” you grumbled, already seeing where this was going. “all you’re gonna do is distract me.”

ethan kissed your cheek. “would that be all so bad?”

“yes,” you insisted, though when ethan wrapped his arms around your shoulders from behind your chair, you were more than a little tempted to forget the computer and heap of textbooks in front of you. god, he was such a distraction. a great one, actually, at a really awful time. “because you should be studying, too. we have to take the same exam in a week.”

“but you’ve been studying every day for two weeks straight. you need to take a break before you drive yourself crazy. all that thinking isn’t good for your pretty little head,” ethan groaned. his words simultaneously made you chortle and roll your eyes. “and besides, this song really reminds me of you.”

you mocked, “songs about sex remind you of me?”

“maybe,” ethan mumbled.

you spun around in your chair to face your boyfriend, officially distracted (with only him to blame), solely to see his dumb handsome face. you teased, “you’re really cute, you know?”

ethan immediately burst into a grin at the compliment. “you’re cuter.”

“i look like death.”

“maybe i like death.”

you were expecting him to deny it, to insist you were his cute, beautiful girlfriend like he often did, so that response caught you completely off-guard and you snorted. “you’re so weird.”

“you love me,” ethan said, beaming from ear to ear. 

you huffed, “who said that?”

“you.”

“no, i didn’t,” you denied, in spite of knowing it was far from the truth. in your head, memories of late nights spent on the phone with your boyfriend lingered on repeat. the hours ticking close to dawn and the daylight sneaking up on you as you both finally tried to get off the phone and go to bed, though not before issuing another i love you battle. which usually ended in one of you hanging up a billion years later after saying ‘i love you’ in order to get the last word.

“say it,” ethan urged, poking your arm. “say you love me. please?”

with those pretty brown eyes of his, it was impossible to say no. and it was equally impossible to lie to someone who had stolen your heart with those same pair of devilishly beautiful eyes. “i love you so much, ethan.”

“i know,” ethan replied with a giggle. 

and then he kissed you.

you didn’t know how it escalated. one second, you were kissing each other breathless in that chair, and the very next, you were essentially naked on your bed with ethan’s head between your thighs.

“fuck, ethan,” you moaned, tangling your fingers through his dark brown locks of hair. 

ethan loved the feeling of your hands tugging at his hair. he also loved hearing you calling out his name in pleasure, and the taste of you, and how you writhed from sensitivity.

the ocean takes me into watch you shaking

he had already made you cum once by now, but that was ethan. he never wanted to stop making you feel good, never wanted to stop pleasing you. he could eat you out for hours, just because he loved the look of bliss on your face and the euphoria in your shrill, high-pitched cries of his name.

“it’s… it’s too much,” you said, squeezing your eyes closed. your thighs tried to close, too, but ethan’s big hands held them firmly apart. 

“just one more time, baby. please?” he asked, looking at you with those big, brown eyes. “for me?”

fuck, he was irresistible. all you could do was nod your head, whimpering when he smiled and dipped back between your legs.

take me one more time

take me one more wave

take me for one last ride

you were so close to finishing. your second orgasm was right there in arm’s reach, dangled right in front of you, and your body was so sensitive that it couldn’t decide if it was running from its fate or if it wanted more.

moments later, you were cumming, crying out ethan’s name quite loudly (thank god your roommate wasn’t home and wouldn’t be for a while) and you trembled with orgasm, grabbing onto his hair as your vision clouded white for a while. ethan continued to suck at your clit through your high, and it drove you positively insane, all the stress fleeing from your body in numbers.

“holy fucking shit,” you panted when you came down from your high. 

holy fucking shit was right. ethan pulled back from you, lips covered in your arousal. you watched him lick it from the corners of his mouth and the sight drove you absolutely feral. 

“did i do okay?” ethan asked, glancing over at you with doe eyes.

you didn’t answer him, not verbally, just leaping up and swallowing his lips in another kiss. it was heated and passionate, and full of loving, and god was it lustful. it wasn’t long before you were throwing his shirt from above his head and he was holding your thigh as he thrusted inside you. 

the intrusion made both of you moan each other’s name, the pleasure building the deeper he went inside of you, filling you to the hilt. the heat throttled you both, making it harder to breathe, but you didn’t need to breathe as long as you had ethan - as long as you could feel his body on yours.

both of you were skin-on-skin, ethan leaning into you and pressing kisses to your neck and collarbone whilst you threaded your fingers through his hair and tugged just the way you knew he loved it. the room filled with the sound of your soft moans and your hips meeting together in perfect harmony.

the sound of the waves collide

the sound of the waves collide

the sound of the waves collide

tonight

[ratedfleur]

… prince!jake who took a liking into the head guard’s daughter who recently became a maid for his sister..

jake knew it was practically impossible to be able to have even a brief moment with you when he knew that you were like his sister’s tail, so he quickly formulated a plan that he wish he could execute well.

waltzing through the halls, jake walked gracefully with a hum accompanying him, smile gently placed on his face as he greeted those maids and palace guards that he passed by as he made his way towards his little sister’s piano room.

he didn’t bother to knock and instead he quickly and quietly slipped into the room like a mice looking for cheese, and alas, you were right there standing prettily by the wall as his sister, julie, was gracefully playing the piano.

julie's fingers came crashing down when she caught a whiff of jake’s wood-like perfume when he tried to walk past her, an array of notes came when her fingers harshly pressed the piano keys, “oppa, why are you here?” julie says, face stoic as she turned her head to look at jake who cheekily smiled at her, clearly caught in the act as he stood straight with his hands clasped together.

“oh nothing, can’t i just hang with you? i mean, you have a few weeks before you’re to be sent off to london, can’t i bond with my baby sister?” jake asks, eyes clearly pure and innocent as he spoke to julie. 

furrowing her brows at him, she dismisses him with a wave of the hand before she turned her head to face the piano once more, “i suppose you could stay.. oppa, please just don’t interrupt me while i play this last song then i guess we could hang.” she says while making air quotations.

smiling triumphantly, jake quickly makes his way beside you who let out a little sound when he stood beside you, merely a few inches apart from you.

you knew you couldn’t look jake straight in the eye when he turned his head to look at you, you simply kept your head down, eyes fixated on the ground as your hands fiddled around with themselves despite seeing jake’s feet turn to face you.

“you are permitted to look at me, you know? i don’t bite unlike that little dragon over there.” jake jokes, making you purse your lips into a line as you turned your head as you looked up at jake, eyes innocently looking at jake’s sharp ones that curve into a smile when he meets eyes with you.

seeing that you were shy, jake turns back to avoid your gaze, hearing you take a little breath of relief when he does turn away from you. you kept your eyes fixated on your master who continued to gracefully play the piano, a soft melody emitting from the piano which echoed all over the piano room.

now that you’ve seen jake a little up close, you noticed how your young master had the same features as the man, she had puppy like features, much like an angrier and fiercer version of jake’s softer ones.

despite nearly resembling each other, their personalities were far from the same. just like their different features, it was exactly the same as their personalities. jake had the puppy-like and friendly personality whilst your young master was blunt and stoic.

lost in your own thoughts, you didn’t notice how jake was quietly speaking to you, “… here?” jake asks, head slightly turned to look at you.

flustered, you turned your body to face him before you bowed as an apology, “apologies, my lord.. could you repeat that? i wasn’t paying attention..” you say shyly, eyes still avoiding jake’s who had his eyes curled up into a smile as he chuckled.

“i said, how are you liking it here? it hasn’t been long since you moved to the palace, am i mistaken?” jake asks once more, eyes twinkling when you do nod because he made sure that your stay in the palace is well, always reminding his maid to take care of you in his behalf.

silence blankets itself over you both, making jake's eyes dart from all over the room as he thought of another topic, clearly i didn't think this through, jake thought to himself.

"have you seen the new garden? aren't the new flowers marvelous?" jake asks, pointing over to the window where the garden could be seen.

your eyes twinkle, making jake smile when you ramble about the new flowers you’ve planted for the dear queen a few weeks ago.

"i just think the garden looks breathtaking with the new peruvian lilies– were.. were you listening?" you ask as you turned your head to look at jake who seemed uninterested in your ramble, his eyes were empty before he blinked at you.

"you're pretty." jake says blankly before your cheeks flush red when jake's own cheeks mirror your own, his eyes avoid yours as he looks on the ground before the huge doors push open, revealing the king who's eyes immediately land on jake's guilty ones.

"jake, come along. do remember not to bother julie when she's making use of her practice time." the king's voice booms in the room as jake sheepishly smiles at you, bidding his goodbyes before leaving alongside the king.

[gorgeys]

stargirl ★ queen maeve

yes i listened to stargirl interlude on repeat while writing this

and thanks to @leeharkerd for this great request!! the ending is a little rushed but i hope i did it justice

warnings: smut - cnc, groping, choking, fingering, name calling

she's been waiting all week for this: you and her lying in bed on your sides, facing each other, sharing a joint as music plays softly in the background.  the only caveat was that you were both fully clothed and over the covers.

her nails rake up and down the side of your bare thigh from your knee to the start of your cream colored sweatshorts, pushing the hem a little higher each time. you seem oblivious as you release a puff of smoke, mindlessly twirling the joint in your other hand as you continue with what you were saying.

your voice blends into the lyrics of the song as all maeve can process is your body laid out in front of her.  she can see the peaks of your nipples through your shirt and those itty bitty shorts which don't hide much at all.  she's dying for you, although your only interest seems to be getting high as a kite.

her hand strays from your thigh and travels higher, gliding along your ass under your shorts.  she can feel the absence of your panties which only eggs her on.

accustomed to her occasional groping, especially when she was high, you carry on talking as if nothing was out of the ordinary.  although you gasp a little when she squeezes and pushes up your ass.

you reach across the small gap between your bodies and raise the joint to her lips, allowing her to take a hit, before you pull it back.

her hand snakes out from under your shorts and wanders up your back instead, below your shirt, of course.  her nails scratch harder into your skin and she can tell you enjoy it from the way your shoulders relax.  but as soon as you're at ease, her hand is rounding your ribcage to your chest and suddenly kneading one of your tits, so roughly that a guttural sound falls from your lips, interrupting your sentence.

"maeve," you caution her.  you grab her upper arm, even though you know you couldn't stop her if you tried.  your chest aches in slight pain from the sheer pressure she had squeezed you with.  she only shrugs, blaming her sudden salaciousness on the weed.

"keep talking," she says absentmindedly, her eyes notably fixated on where her hand still cupped your tit.  you sigh before reluctantly obliging.

she watches through the thin fabric of your shirt as her fingers encircle your breast, occasionally applying pressure that made your breath hitch.  you only kept your lips moving because each time you paused, you were on the receiving end of her intimidating stare that made you think about the consequences and fall back in line.  she relishes in the effort you made to stay straight-faced, though she catches the furrow of your brows and twitch of your lips every time she grips and grabs you.

but you can't take it anymore when her thumb and forefinger suddenly pinch your nipple so hard that you were wailing.

"maeve!" you yelp, trying to push her hand away and get rid of the painful sting.

"stop pretending like you don't love it," she says, her hand only leaving your chest to attend to your neck.  her fingers wrap around your throat and abruptly push you onto your back.  "it's only worse for you when you fight."

you gasp before she starts restricting your airway, pressing your fingers into your skin so hard that they'll leave marks.  she only watches as she chokes you, still nonchalantly lying on her side, leaning on her elbow with her hand supporting her head.  she feels desire build up inside of her as your bottom lip falls, leaving your mouth agape.

"you're a sight for sore eyes, aren't you?" she says with a slight smile.  it's only when no air is entering your lungs and your eyes are on the verge of rolling back that she finally releases you.  she sadistically chuckles as your chest heaves, inhaling desperate breaths of air.

she grabs the wrist of your hand that's holding the joint and raises it to her lips once more.

you're still recovering from your near death experience when her fingers suddenly smack your clothed pussy, jolting your body back to life.  your brain is cloudy both from the weed and lack of oxygen, so you simply listen to your natural instincts and spread your legs wider for her.

"good girl," she says with that smug, lopsided grin of hers as her fingers slip below your waistband.  "see, i knew you loved being abused.  you're soaked." she says, her fingers gliding smoothly along your slit.  she sits up beside you, adjusting herself so she can roughly grab your jaw while she toys with your throbbing pussy.

she turns your head, forcing you too look at her as she quickly swipes her finger over your clit, leaving you mewling without even realizing it.

"you look fucked out and i've barely touched you," she says, collecting your wetness with her fingers before rubbing the slowest circles on your clit.  "does being choked turn you on that much?" she asks, her fingers sneaking toward your neck.  

she rubs her fingers over the column of your throat before her big hand encircles it.  her fingers speed up as she begins to apply pressure with both hands.

"you like that i can use you however i want?  that i can kill you?" it's only a second later that she's embarrassing you with another laugh.  "oh, you do.  i can feel you gushing on my palm." your free hand grabs tightly onto the wrist of the hand that's around your neck.  that, paired with your unwavering eye contact makes her go wild.

she can't help but push two fingers inside of you, watching as your back arches like a cat and your nails dig into her wrist.  she doesn't give you time to adjust, but pumps her fingers into you at a rough pace that urges a strangled noise out of your throat.

"you really are my slut," she says, mostly to herself, as her palm rubs perfectly against your clit, causing you to squirm uncontrollably.  she notices the tears welling up in your eyes and knows you're already embarrassingly close. "you better come before you pass out," she demands.

that incentive helps push you over the edge; your body stiffens and your throat squeaks as your cum coats her hand.  she finally releases your neck but doesn't stop fingering you, even as a tear trails down your cheek.  you whine in between labored breaths.

"sluts never cum once," she tells you without a hint of sympathy.  "they let me use them until i'm satisfied."

[akirasarchives]

[ᴄ.s] | 𝗿𝗲𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗰𝗮𝗻𝗼𝗻𝘀

sᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ: how you relationship formed, came to be & every-day life

￫ pre-borderlands ver | post-borderlands ver

𝗠𝗘𝗘𝗧𝗜���𝗚 —

Ironically enough, you work in the hospital cafe which doctors and nurses flood to and their breaks

It’s a pretty easy job seeing as you’re mostly handing doctors their pre-orders, handling coffee and shuffling little pastries into bags

Most are generous tippers too (i.e. the very full glass jar beside the register)

So you mostly enjoy your job, especially seeing as you get to make your own food for free too and most of the hospital staff are down to have a good laugh on their lunches

But one particular doctor is pretty hard for you to read

He has shaggy, blonde hair and a set of growing eye bags beneath his dark irises

He always orders the same thing, so often times you’ll have the meal ready and all you have to do is pour him his coffee but he often goes between wanting to have a small chat and staying completely silent

“[l/n]” Chishiya hums as he walks to the polished, marble counter. His hands rest idly in the deep pockets of his white lab coat as he watches you with a soft gaze.

“Dr. Chishiya” You shoot him a smile “Sorry I’m a bit behind today” Bashfully motioning at the stacked styrofoam containers which are yet to be labelled, you anxiously watch his expression. Some doctors today were a bit grumpy when their food wasn’t ready on time and maybe you lost a couple tips but all in all you can’t really blame them.

“That’s okay” He nods “Where is Nakamoto?” He questions, referencing the other young man who you often work with. Usually, Yuta was behind the counter and slinging out orders like there was no tomorrow. His voice usually replaced the soft radio which was playing now in his absence (mostly singing any thelastrockstars or larcenciel song).

“He called in sick… I didn’t realise how much he actually helped” An airy laugh passes through your lips as you get started on Chishiya’s order. In your defence, the doctor was earlier than usual and you were busy preparing the orders for the doctors that often came before him.

“Is he a troublemaker?” He asks, watching how you precisely create a nutritious bento box for him. It’s impressive that you’re able to remember the order of over 50 staff members without breaking a sweat, though, Chishiya supposes he remembers things that are quite a bit more important than the correct lunch order.

“Oh no! Yuta is funny… He just talks a lot” You smile as you continue putting together his lunch “And he lies a lot too, but it’s funny” You bite your tongue as you foolishly repeat yourself. In all honestly, this is the longest conversation you’ve had with Chishiya outside of ‘are you busy today?’. It’s uncharted territory for yourself to blabber with the cat-like man.

“Oh, you’re on first name basis?” The questions flusters you as you scramble to close the lid of the styrofoam box. You know what he’s hinting at as other nurses and doctors have teased you about it before (mostly the older women) but being stuck behind a counter for many days of your week has caused both you and Yuta to drop the formalities.

“Um - it’s nothing like that” You slide the box across the counter and peel the sanitary gloves from your fingers “Working together so often kind of made it awkward to continue to act so formal, you know?” You laugh is jittery as you swipe a cardboard cup from the stack beside the coffee machine. You don’t bother to glance at Chishiya as you’re sure the sight would make your hands tremble.

You’re not sure why the man has such a hold over you. Maybe it’s your people-pleaser jumping out or the fact that he’s undeniably handsome and is staring a hole straight into your head as he presses on about Yuta and yourself.

A few awkward seconds pass by as you prepare the coffee. Chishiya begins rustling with his wallet as he presumably clinks a few extra coins into the filling jar as your back in turned. Funnily enough, Chishiya prefers a concerning amount of sugar in his coffee which in all honestly makes you feel a bit ill as you prepare it.

“Sorry, again, Dr. Chishiya” You repeat as you carefully slide the sleeve onto the cup so the doctor doesn’t burn his fingers while holding his drink.

“Don’t worry” He replies with a ghost of an appreciative smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

“I promise to have everything prepare tomorrow!”

He scoffs, lightheartedly, as he grasps his items “Just call me Chishiya, okay?”

That whole scenario plays in your head the next few days as he comes to collect his orders

Yuta obviously notices you’ve dropped the “Dr.” when referring to him as almost every doctor here prefers to be called Dr. [Name]

Not to mention, he gossips with the other staff so word spreads around that you and Chishiya have gotten closer

Which to yourself is just odd as enough drama happens on a daily basis in a hospital so why is you dropping his title in Chishiya’s name such big news?

Does everyone know that Chishiya is unsociable??

Not to mention that the older women have gotten 10x worse with their prodding

𝗔𝗦𝗞𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗬𝗢𝗨 𝗢𝗨𝗧 —

Chishiya decides that if he ever wants to make a move with you he’s just going to have to suck it up and do it at the cafe

For months he’s tried to catch you when you’re leaving or even hoping that you’re alone for another day - because to his luck Yuta was working alone one day and wouldn’t drop the subject

“You know, Dr. Chishiya” Yuta prods as he slides the coffee across the counter. Chishiya raises a brow as he watches the flamboyant man smile cheshire-ly.

“If you like [y/n], you better tell her soon because she’s going on a date with my friend next week” Yuta very obviously takes his time sliding Chishiya’s meal across the counter, gaging the annoyance that causes Chishiya’s eyebrow to twitch.

“Cause Niragi really, really like her!”

Yeah, Chishiya’s not surprised you have dates lined up

But the exchange was like a slap of reality hitting his face

So, the next morning you’re setting up the cafe when Chishiya comes rushing in (walking the tiniest bit faster than usual)

“You’re early!” You greet as you set aside the broom you were using to brush up the crumbs that weren’t caught yesterday. Very rarely doctors would visit the cafe in the very opening hours, more so visitors and interns doing coffee runs.

“Sorry… Is this a bad time for you?” He asks as he slows his pace. You shake your head as you grasp the broom firmly between your fingers to ease any apparent anxiousness.

“No, did you want a coffee or something? We got new pastries if you want on-“

“No” Chishiya states as he ends your small blabbering “No, I came to ask you something”

Oh. Odd. You can’t help but widen your eyes as you stare curiously at the doctor. You can’t help but notice his usually neat ponytail was sagging and strands of hair were messily framing his face. He had practically jogged (shocking, really) from his car before Yuta could disrupt your peaceful moment, so strong gusts of wind had caused his usually neat hairstyle to look unkempt.

“I’m free on Saturday, please meet me at the hospital entrance after your shift” He asks awkwardly, grasping at a piece of paper that was crumpled in his lab coat pocket. He hastily hands you the paper, very much less suave than he hoped to come across.

“Um… Okay” You we’re dying to ask if it was a date, but you couldn’t allow yourself the embarrassment.

“This is my number” He explains as you grasp the paper “I want to take you on a date”

That was pretty much it

Chishiya took his leave after , mostly to avoid any embarrassment

Saturday wasn’t for another three days and the anticipation as well as the fact that you’ll have to see him later today, the next day and the day after that caused a wire of nerves to bundles in your stomach

Never mind the fact that all you wanted to do was to text your friend Kuina but knowing her she’d blab about it and Yuta was definitely out the question

So you bite your tongue for the next few days until Saturday

The day is nerve wrecking when it comes

You’re dressed a bit nicer, wearing a nice pair of shoes that you hope doesn’t get drenched in coffee and an extra shirt stuffed in your bag to change into before leaving

Thankfully, Yuta served Chishiya so you didn’t have to look at him until now

Through the massive glass wall encasing the cafe, you can see Chishiya standing outside the cafe doors in his normal clothes. He’s wearing a pair of baggy cargos and has a black jacket shrugged on - presumably a black top too

Yuta allows you to get away a bit quicker, probably because he can see the way you’re staring straight at Chishiya through the glass windows. For once you’re happy he keeps his mouth shut as you’re able to swiftly change shirts and walk out without him saying something

“Sorry you had to wait on me” It’s a bit awkward as you slowly close the door behind you, attempting to diffuse any awkwardness by lingering around the closing door. Chishiya takes note of your nerves as he slides his phone into his back pocket.

“it’s okay, you’re actually a little bit early” He nods as he begins to walk away. You quickly fall in pace, watching his face as he continues to speak.

“I hope you don’t mind riding in my car” He motions to the keys he had fished from one of the many deep pockets of his trousers. You dismiss his worry with a shake of your head, watching as a particularly nice car flashes as he clicks his keys.

You knew Chishiya had some money, especially because his mother and father were very high-ranking individuals but it never really visualised until the silver, clean and very expensive car came into view.

DATE —

Maybe Chishiya’s game is a bit rusty

as he second guesses himself the minute he pulls up to the local museum

his friend Kuina told him that the new botanic section was a TOTAL game changer because when she took Ann, they both thought it was so romantic

“I hope you liked museums… We can go somewhere else if you want?” Chishiya’s fingers drum against the steering wheel nervously. However, a wave of relief washes over him as you smile.

“I love the museum!” You reassure him with a cheesy smile. Chishiya’s nods, unbuckling his seatbelt as he practically races out of the car.

the date goes by smoothly

and lucky for Chishiya the new addition was a total surprise for you

“Let’s go to the botanic room” Chishiya announces as he walks away from a particularly detailed painting. You can’t help but gasp, raising your brows as you stare at Chishiya dumbfounded.

“There’s a botanic room?” You ask, surprised that you had no clue of the new addition. The museum was your go-to for a destresser and the thought of walking through a room of beautiful, delicate flowers after a particularly stressful day excited you to no end (life of an adult).

“Yeah, you didn’t know?” Chishiya asks with a slight laugh. You nod as you quickly follow behind him, ignoring how your arm grazes against his. He walks leisurely beside you with his hands stuffed deep into his pockets.

“I thought you loved the museum though?” He teases, leading you towards a glass door. A long corridor follows as it leads to the specialised building. The sound of running water, chirps of artificial wildlife and a growing humidity spikes your excitement.

Pure astonishment flushes over your features as the doors swing open. Beautiful, vibrant flowers and long branches decorated with the most beautiful shade of green greets you as you walk in. It’s almost as if an amazing tropical holiday was condensed into one room.

“Oh my God..” You speak to yourself, arms grasping out to grab Chishiya’s. He hums, ignoring how he almost trips over himself as you point at an extravagant plant. He watches how your face contorts as you take in the scenery.

Maybe Kuina was right.

𝗥𝗘𝗟𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡𝗦𝗛𝗜𝗣 —

Speaking of, how you and Chishiya didn’t realise you both had a mutual friend

and it being Kuina no less!!!???

She finds it hilarious

anyway!!

chishiya… surprisingly romantic

flowers, gifts, holidays, dates

you name it, he’s done it

maybe it’s his romance books (which he will NEVER admit to reading) rubbing off on him… but he’s a darn good boyfriend

despite working long shifts he ALWAYS makes time for you

whether it be dropping by on his breaks, ordering delivery for you when he can’t be home for dinner, taking holiday hours just to spend a few days with you

he’ll do it

his field of work is pretty emotional and at times he struggles to flicker between switching off his emotions and turning them back on

and on days like that where he feels pretty robotic, coming home to you and having a cuddle eases his mind just a little

sometimes he feels that he’s not expressive enough for you and sue to that he can either come a bit too closed off or weirdly clingy

like a cat that wants you to pet them but also runs away when you actually try to

he tries to work on it though

lavish gifts and holidays can only do so much, you know?

speaking of gifts

his love language is defo gift giving

he struggles with words and displays of affection at times (mostly due to his parents) and he finds it easier to materially show his love to you

the tiffany bracelet you looked at once? done. A perfume that you tried and said it smelt nice? 100ml and no size smaller. Fancy a specific dish? Table booked at the nearest specialised restaurant.

it can be a little exhausting trying to match his gift giving (pay-grade difference is astonishing)

all he wants in return is a kiss or hug 😭 please give him something

he adores silent reading

just chilling on a sofa with a nice cup of tea, cuddled up with a blanket thrown over his lap and complete silence as you both read (i.e. he reads and you sleep)

favourite dates: cafe, museum, picnic, movie nights

when you go out you’re practically dripping in designer labels

and that cheap car you had? your next birthday it was gone

yuta almost had a heart attack when he saw you coming into work with a dior sweatshirt on

“It’s gonna get stained! Are you actually insane?” He cries as he grips at the baggy material. The soft cream colour complimented your skin so beautifully, you couldn’t bare the thought of not wearing it.

“I don’t know why you even work here anymore, can’t Chishiya just buy you whatever you want?”

your friends are so jealous but so happy for you

esp when they find out that after you last fight with chishiya you came home to a gift card, cartier ring, bouquet of flowers and a particularly expensive bag on the bed

with a sorry note lol

you also discovered how chishiya secretly lives for reality tv

every time you watch something he groans and complains that you’re watching trashy tv again

but trust that he will be keeping notes on who everyone is

he’s so sneaky about wanting to watch it too!

“[y/n], that show you like is coming on” He points towards the tv with the remote, shrugging ever so casually at the tv menu.

yeah, as if he purposely didn’t check the time and saw it was coming on in 5 mins

anyways chishiya is a dork and needs help expressing himself

[loveharlow]

SEVEN [THE INBETWEEN] - KISS IT BETTER

PAIRING ‧₊˚ JJ Maybank x Fem!Reader

SYNOPSIS‧₊˚[2.5k] Three weeks of no John B or Sarah and you're officially overwhelmed with grief and mixed signals, leading to an emotional outburst directed at certain blonde.

WARNING(S)‧₊˚ swearing, mentions of death, mutual pining, grief avoidance, little fluff, mentions of low self-esteem/negative self-image, mentions of past non-con

NOW PLAYING‧₊˚

A/N‧₊˚ I think this chapter is actually so soft and beautiful🥺 and I never really say this but I do think listening to the song on repeat as you read makes it one hundred times better.

˗ˏˋ series masterlist ˎˊ˗

THIS DAY MARKED THREE WEEKS SINCE YOU’D LOST JOHN B AND SARAH…And one week since JJ kissed you out of nowhere. Co-existing in your other presumed dead best friend’s house has been…odd, to say the least. You didn’t really know how to talk to JJ now, which was something you never thought would be an issue.

He’d been in the surf shack working on your car more than usual, without your company unfortunately. You’d been taking more small jobs just to get out of the house at this point. But barely talking to your best friend for an entire week while living in the same space was starting to take a toll on you.

And so was the kiss.

Did he mean to do it? Was it a spur of the moment thing? Did JJ have feelings for you? Ten thousand thoughts running around in your mind at once, driving you closer and closer to the edge of crazy. Your heart was telling you that the kiss was no accident — that it seemed too passionate and eager to be something he’d done in the heat of the moment. But your head was telling you that the kiss was an act of grief — something he’d done in a moment where his head wasn’t exactly screwed on straight.

That it was an honest mistake.

You didn’t know which part of you that you believed.

Or which part of you that you wanted to believe.

It was nightfall when you walked up the steps of The Chateau, bag slung lazily over your shoulder as you huffed out a puff of air, exhausted from your nearly ten hour long babysitting gig. Some couple needed someone to watch over their three kids while they went on a date. You should’ve known something was off when the mother was offering fifty dollars an hour, way over minimum wage — her three kids were more like a pint-sized trio of bats from hell. But you walked away with five-hundred more dollars in your pocket, so who were you to complain?

But even with fatigue and hunger weighing heavy on your bones, your heart still dropped at the thought of seeing JJ at the end of the day.

Sighing, you quietly opened the door of the home, throwing your bag on the sofa and letting the door close behind you as Marley immediately came charging, light paws feeling like punches on your thighs but you smiled nonetheless.

“Hi, pretty girl. How are you?” You cooed, scratching behind both of her ears as she wiggled against you.

Another set of footsteps rounded the corner, a freshly awoken JJ coming into your view. You coughed awkwardly under your breath, straightening out as the two of you locked eyes. “Oh, hey. I didn’t wake you, did I?”

“Nah, it’s fine. I’m just glad you made it in before it got too late, one of the corner stores got robbed a couple hours ago.” He said, voice raspy and low from sleep as he rubbed the exhaustion out of his eyes.

The two of you stood there awkwardly— JJ scratching the back of his head as you averted your eyes anywhere else, Marley’s panting filling the silence.

You took a deep breath, shoving your hands in the back of your pockets as JJ mindlessly nibbled on his lower lip. You took the opportunity to break the silence, the blonde seemingly having the same idea.

“Well, I’m gonna get ready for bed-”

“Look, I’m sorry-”

You both stopped talking, attempting to allow the other to speak. Small smiles broke out on your faces, the two of you looking down at your feet simultaneously. “This is awkward, if I’ve ever seen it…” JJ huffed out humorously. “Can we just…like, sit down and talk, for a minute?” He asked, his own words making him cringe slightly as he motioned towards the battered sofa.

You nodded, not saying a word as you plopped down on the piece of furniture, eyes on the floor as your hands held each other in your lap. JJ sat down oddly slow next to you. You expected him to try and create as much distance between the two of you as possible but surprisingly, he sat so close that your shoulders were brushing in the tiniest of ways.

The unexpectedness of it all had your brows furrowing, finding some kind of courage to look the boy in his eyes as he finally settled on the right words to say.

“...I shouldn’t have kissed you.” For some reason, the string of words made your heart tremble and your lips parted in surprise. They hurt more than you ever expected them to. Noticing your solemn expression, JJ was quick to clean up his statement, turning in his seat to look at you completely. “Not in the sense that I didn’t want to, no, God no.” He sputtered, hands moving around wildly. “It’s just that, with everything going on, I don't think that moment was the best moment to act on my feelings-”

He was cut off when you lurched forward, colliding your lips with his in the heat of the moment. In your haste and his surprise, the blonde accidentally bit your lip but you didn’t mind, never breaking the exchange. After a moment, you both seemed to settle into it — one of his hands sliding around your hip and waist to find a home on the end of your back, pulling you closer in the smallest motion. Your own hands cradled his jaw on each side, pulling him deeper into you.

You kissed that boy until you couldn’t anymore. Until your lips were swollen and wet, your head spinning as you pulled back and let your hands fall, sliding down the length of his neck and shoulders while his own hand slid back to rest on your thigh.

“...What was that for?” He asked in a whisper. He sounded breathless.

You simply gulped, tucking a small strand of hair behind your ear before speaking. “...When you kissed me, I felt something. Something I didn’t think I should feel while kissing my best friend. Because I never thought I’d be kissing my best friend at all.” You explained, elevating your gaze to meet his eyes. “And I thought to myself that I should feel repulsed. That the kiss should feel wrong. Right? But nothing about that kiss felt wrong.” You told him. “I haven’t been avoiding you because of the kiss, JJ. I’ve been avoiding you because I haven’t been able to get the thought of kissing you again out of my head since it happened.”

“And now that you have?” He asked, eyes searching yours. “Now, that you have kissed me again?”

“...I’m struggling not to do it a third time.” You breathed out, eyes fleeting towards his lips for the slightest of moments. “I don’t know what this is. In my head, you’re my absolute best friend and I love you in that aspect but everytime I see you now, I can’t help but think about you in ways that I shouldn’t. So, if that kiss or this one didn’t mean anything to you, you’d better tell me now because-”

“Oh, it meant something.” He cut you off enthusiastically, a small smirk playing on his lips. “I know you probably have no idea but that kiss meant everything to me.” He told you, edging closer on the sofa. “I’ve had this huge crush on you for, like, ever. Probably since I even knew what a crush was. But you know how I am…” He lowered his voice, avoiding your eyes. “I didn’t trust myself with you. Anytime I look at you, I see this ball of light around you and I never want it to go away. Or be the reason for it going away. With me and all my shit…”

“I don’t think of you like that.” You said honestly, a small frown on your face. “You aren’t some southside screw up or a charity case. JJ, you know that I don’t care about all that. I’m always there to walk through it with you, your life doesn’t define you, you know that. Or at least, you should.” You told the blonde, running a soft hand through his hair. “And I know that it may take some time for you to believe that for yourself but I’ll be the one to tell you it everyday until you actually hear it, as a friend or…whatever else.”

You reminded the boy, biting your lower lip in thought. “...That’s why you never said anything? Because you thought you weren’t good for me?”

He seemed to ponder on the statement before nodding, somewhat shamefully. “I mean, c'mon, look at you.” He scoffed, wide blue eyes looking at your face with so much adoration and purity that you never cared to notice before. “Someone like you doesn’t need to waste her life away trying to love someone like me.”

“I do love you-”

“Not in the way that I love you.” He blurted, pinching his eyes shut as he cut you off.

“...I could. But you’ll never know if you don’t let me try.” You told him. “I won’t sit here and tell you that I love you in that way because I really don’t know. But whatever I’m starting to feel for you is beyond a friendship and once I figure that out, who knows? But I also don’t want you to wait on me to figure things out if that’s not what you want.” You concluded, retreating your hands back to the comfort of your lap.

You don’t know how helpless you looked, but you made no attempt to hide the frown that you could feel on your face. You knew JJ was known as promiscuous but his ways seemed to have settled with everything that’s happened. Although the thought of him with anyone made your gut turn, you didn’t want to confine him within the cage of your emotional contemplation. You didn’t want to lead him on now knowing how he felt about you.

“Hey,” He started, a hand on your arm. “I will wait. And that’s my choice. If you decide that you want me, that you want this, then I will be here. I know my past actions are probably making my words seem like a load of shit right now, but weeks ago? When I was hooking up with half the island? I was under the impression that you and I would never happen. But now there’s a chance.” He spoke, laughing at the end of his sentence, the oddness of the action making your face twist. “Sorry, I just, I thought about somethin'.” He said, waving himself off. “I was talking to Bree one day, about you. I told him that the odds of you ever liking me back were one in a million. And he told me that a one in a million chance is still a chance, to which I told him that he was full of shit. But now…” He trailed off, shrugging.

“...John B knew?” You asked, tilting your head to the side. JJ rolled his eyes playfully.

“I think everyone knew, except you, of course.” He cocked an eyebrow, you being the one to roll your eyes this time. 

“...So what do we do now?” You asked, voice small.

JJ sighed, suddenly sitting up straighter in his seat and taking both of your hands in his own. “...As much as I want to make you my girlfriend, right here and right now, I don’t think it’s a good idea. I think that we both need time to grieve and sort ourselves and I also think that you need time to explore your feelings more and make sure that this isn’t a fluke.” That was the most mature sentence you'd ever heard leave JJ's lips.

“A fluke?” You asked, mildly offended. “What does that mean?”

“Just that, I’ve seen how you can deal with grief. And not to twist the knife…are you okay with me talking about the…Rafe thing?” You clenched your jaw at the mere mention of his name, nodding stiffly in JJ’s direction, the boy drawing his lips into a thin line before continuing. “When that happened, you were still grieving. You kissed him because you were in a bad place and he was there and he ended up...taking advantage of that vulnerable part of you, right?” You hummed in agreement. “I am not at all blaming you for what happened when I say this. You didn’t deserve it and that asshole should be six feet under for what he did and, God so help me, I will put him there myself-”

“JJ.” You interrupted the boy’s rant, wanting him to finish his point completely. Huffing out a puff of air, he continued.

“I’m sorry. I just, I really hate that that happened to you. And I know it happened to you, not me but I want to kill him. Every day that I wake up, I just hope he's dead somewhere.”

“I know. Trust me, I know.” You reassured.

“But all I’m trying to say is that, I don’t want to repeat that same cycle — taking advantage of your emotional state. I want you to be yourself again and be in the right space before trying to take this any further. And I want you to have no doubts and be completely sure.” You understood his point of view and his reasoning behind it. Nodding, you allowed him to finish his sentence. “So, for now? We can just figure things out, set some kinda boundaries, if you want.”

You thought about it for a moment, fingers drawing shapes on one of his hands. “...Just honesty. If you kiss someone, hook up with someone…” The words made your eyes twitch. “Just don’t let me find out from someone else.”

“Oh, I can promise you that I have no one else on my mind, especially now that I know I’m on yours, so there will be nothing to tell ‘n nothin’ to find out, m’lady.” He smiled, saluting towards you. “I’m all yours, even if you aren’t mine. Yet.” He winked.

It’d been weeks since you’d seen the goofy side of JJ. It was comforting. 

You giggled, bowing your head slightly. “I promise that I am solely focused on clarifying my feelings towards you and only you, blondie.” You returned the sentiment and the salute. “What about our friendship, though? Is it still a friendship?”

“Mmm….” He thought aloud, chewing the inside of his cheek. “Actually, you’re the smart one. What’s like a fancy, silly term for developing a relationship? Like getting to know each other but not dating, like the in between stage?”

“...We can say we’re in a courtship?” You suggest half-jokingly, shrugging. “But… does this also mean we have to stop kissing each other? 'Cause I kind of like that part.”

JJ faked offense, throwing a palm against his chest and gasping. “Kissing?” He asked, wide eyed and shocked. “We are pogues. And number one rule of pogues, is no pogue-on-pogue macking…Eugh.” He reprimanded playfully, fake gagging. You slapped his shoulder in response, a smile on your face as one grew on his.

“No pogue-on-pogue macking, huh?” You said, playfully swatting his arms as he did yours. “

“That’s exactly right, little miss lips-a-lot - Ow! Did you just pinch my nipple?” He laugh-shouted, holding his chest as your swatting ceased. “What are you? Six?-”

You took the opportunity with JJ's guard down to grab the nape of his neck and pull his face into yours, giving him one last hard, passionate kiss of the night, slightly biting his lip as you drew your face away from his.

“How’s that for no pogue-on-pogue macking?”

next chapter>

feedback is appreciated! thanks for reading.SVN Taglist; @esquivelbianca @fallingwallsh @calmoistorm @i-love-ptv @liability28 @rivaiken @sophiahristov @rafxcameronss @ldrvinyl @purplerose291 @boo22sstuff @heartsforandrewgarfield @coolgirl458 @sabrina-carpenter-stan-account @jujubeaz @ellobruv-blog @yourmumstoy @belle101200 @libertyybellls @c4ttheart @ihe4rttwd @redhead1180 @ditzyzombiesblog @spideysimpossiblegirl @sex-me-stiles @honeyiti @rafedrewandjjs @highformaybank @broidfk609

©loveharlow.

[muzzledjaw]

I have a lot of headcanons I've posted to @coffee4harper Discord server in the past couple hours and I was holdnto post them here so :]

💥TORCHWOOD💥

**Ianto James Bond Headcanons**

- Ianto has *atleast* five copies of his favourite James bond movies.

- Lisa started the "Jones. Ianto, Jones." Joke.

- After the events of the season 1 finale, ianto had been referred to as 007 multiple times.

- After Ianto's death, Jack went to every opening night showing of a James bond film, then went to Ianto's grave to tell him about it.

- Ianto use to have a framed picture of every James bond actor in his childhood room.

//

**Torchwood Social Medias**

During slow days at work, the team goes on:

*Owen* - Reddit. He absolutely loves Reddit and frequents many subreddits

*Tosh* - YouTube. She probably watches in depth YouTube tutorials on both things she's interested in so she can learn, and things she already knows to silently judge

*Ianto* - Tumblr. He's not very active, but he does some scrolling during slow days in the tourist office.

*Gwen* - Instagram. She comments on every one of Rhys' posts and watches instagram reels.

*Jack* - do you really think this man knows how to use social media? Owen probably made him download snapchat and got him hooked on the fitters like every grandparent

Owen's reddit account was also linked to his torchwood email

//

The team once came into the hub really late to find Jack sleeping on the couch under the "TORCHWOOD" sign hugging ten's hand jar

//

One of the last things the face of bo sees is a suited figure crouching down infront of him and just holding him. He can't remember the figure's face, or who it is, but the face of bo feels safe to die, knowing he's in this unknown figure's arms

//

Jack reaches out to ianto's sister after the days of miracle day and offers finance support to her until the day she dies, saying ianto would've wanted his family to be safe. This continues for generations, until eventually the children are stopped being told of their late relative Ianto and the odd man who gives them so much money in his name

//

Owen fucking loves Melanie Martinez - specifically Cry Baby

//

Sometime in season 2, Jack once again started feeling guilty about suddenly leaving Torchwood for the Doctor for like a year, so he surprised Ianto with a spontaneous road trip. They drove across Wales for a week and it was one of the last peaceful moments the two ever had

//

**Post Death**

Owen's spirit haunted Dash-Con

After the events of House If The Dead, Ianto's spirit ended up at Canary Warf. Tourists and people who work in the area often talk about the suited Welshman who sits at the fountain all day, everyday, waiting for a woman to arrive

Tosh's spirit, somehow, ended up in Glasgow. She haunts Torchwood 2 and helps old Archie with tech. Archie doesn't realise she's a spirit. He's just happy to have company and someone to help him with all the email stuff

//

Mitski became popular and Jack locked himself in his office for a week straight and sobbed to her songs, thinking about ianto and all he lost in the past few years. He made sure to keep her music safe until his face of bo era. He never played miski for the guests of his events. She was just for him and his cat maid

//

The doctor's hand was destroyed in the torchwood bomb, and after learning about it, Jack just sobbed. He's lost tosh, Owen, and ianto. And now, he can't even keep track of the doctor. He's lost in his eternal life with nothing. This later leads to his decision to leave earth

//

Jack absolutely loved the x-men comics when they were first released, and when X-Men First Class was released he'd watch it on repeat imagining him and his team in place of the characters. The roles would shift around sometimes, but Jack always sees himself as Charles Xavier

//

Jack had a fling with Wilfred Owen during WW1. He keeps original copies of the man's work close to him. After Ianto's death, he donated what he could scavenge of the papers to the London Archives, not wanting anymore reminders of the men he loved that died too young

//

After CoE, and realising she never actually knew Ianto, Gwen sat Jack down with a cup of tea and asked him to tell her everything he could about the real Ianto before his funeral. Jack just.. sighed.. and said to gwen, "he was many things" and never explained further

//

Before the coffin was closed, Jack started a stopwatch and placed it in Ianto's hand. Like the ring that John threw in with Jack when he was forced to bury Jack alive, the stopwatch was a tracker with a special battery to allow it to run for centuries. When he felt lonely, Jack would check on the tracker, just to know that ianto was still there and the stopwatch was still ticking away, timing their time apart. He was not ready for the day he checked on the tracker and the screen was blank

//

(Based off that one scene in greys anatomy) after the service, Jack and gwen found a quiet spot to sit, and Jack just burst into laughter. And because Jack was laughing, Gwen was laughing. And they laughed together until it morphed into a comfortable silence between them as they held eachother

//

Ianto was buried with a sobriety coin in his pocket. Only Jack knows about this.

[nartothelar]

I like to think that emmet has no single genre of music he likes. he just likes any song he likes and will play it on repeat for two weeks straight until he finds another song to do the same thing to

[saturnville]

I just got an idea for another part of the letter series: John writes to Amelia that he worries she’s not going to like this version of himself. He’s just filled with a lot of doubt and he understands if she wants to end things where it’s at. Amelia assures John that she’s with him now & forever.

a letter to you, major john egan

pairing: major john egan x amelia mae egan warning: implicit discussions about mental health content: in which john writes to amelia about his doubts. tag list: @neeville @turn-thy-paige @ihe4rtisa @ineedafictionalman @lovebyceleste @alliewassobonum an: I want all to know that in my mind, amelia and john stay together until they die and she changed her middle name to rose.

John Egan’s mind was under attack. Bullets of doubt and missiles of hopelessness infiltrated the barriers that were once sturdy and stable. Everything came crashing down like the walls of Jericho. 

Days felt longer as their time in Germany grew elongated. The nights dragged by and never seemed to end. The only thing that lulled him to sleep were the words of Amelia Mae on the now-wrinkled sheet of paper he kept in the pocket of his coat. It was the blood for his body; the only thing that kept him alive. 

He had no issue falling asleep most nights. All other nights, however, his heavy eyes stayed open and refused to close. So, he did what was unusual for him to do--write. He’d sulk off into a corner with one of the oil lamps, pull out a sheet of dingy paper, and write until his hand cramped and his tears signed his signature for him. 

My darlin’ Amelia Rose, 

I hear we’re gettin’ out of here soon. I surely hope that’s the cause; I don’t know how much longer I can deal with this. The Germans are intense; always on guard and ready to strike at any moment. One wrong move, or even just a wrong breath, lands a man dead. I’ve seen more bodies collapse just tryin’ to survive in the camp than I did in the air. 

Stuff like this changes a man, Rose. The guys are convinced I lost it ‘cause repeating old ball games is the only thing the keeps my mind off the horrors of being a damn prisoner. I haven’t eaten a real meal since the day I left you. I haven’t felt the warmth of my own bed and it makes me as cold as I feel at night. 

Rose, I don’t know what it’s gonna be like when I come home.

I’ve heard stories of when men make it home to their ladies; not all of them are good. He ends up chasing her away. I don’t want to chase you away, but I don’t want to hurt you either. This version of me is not the one you knew and I don’t know if you’ll love him like you did the other version of me.

I can’t think straight. I can’t sleep through the night. I’m just…here. 

And if you don’t want to be with me because of that, I understand. It would hurt, but I would get it. You’re a good woman, Rose and I don’t want to make you feel any sort of pain.

I’ve got to get back to my bunk before someone notices I’m missing, or even worse, the Germans find out I’m awake. 

I think about you always and miss you dearly. Write back soon. 

With all my love, 

Johnny

It took three weeks to receive something back from her. He thought he’d be used to it by now, the waiting game, that is. But at this point, anxiety was his portion and fed him well. The mind games began to get more complex as the voices of uncertainty spurred him on with tricks. What she divorced him? Left him high and dry because he wasn’t the same. He wouldn’t know what to do with himself. 

John huffed as he played with the corners of the most recent (three week old) letter he received. The other man were gathered around the child-like sized tables playing cards, talking, and joking. They were better at making the most of situations than he was. He was good at it for some time, but the repetition grew old, and the song he knew so well became unfamiliar. 

A familiar, “Mail, boys!” came ruggedly from the doorway. The men scattered like flies, sorting and sifting through the letters. John’s eyes lit up as he stood to his feet, gratefully taking the letter from the mailman’s hand. He sauntered off to a corner and slid down the wall. 

Her handwriting was just as pretty as it always had been. Major John Egan, written in the middle with a red pen. It was his favorite color because it reminded him of her cherry red lip stick that stained his skin whenever she wore it. John tore the top of the envelope and pulled the letter out. His heartrate increased. 

Dear John, 

I can’t help but say that it pains me to know that you think I’d leave you. Do you remember the vows we took? For better or for worse and in sickness and in health? If I didn’t believe I could stand by those words, I wouldn’t have said them. And, I knew I married a soldier. This comes with the territory. 

You’ve seen things I would deem unimaginable. You’ve heard things that would drive me mad. You’ve felt a pain that I couldn’t picture. Do you know how foolish I would be to think you’d come back the same way you left? 

When I married you, I married the versions of you that you and I have yet to see. 

I am here for you, John Egan. I’m not going anywhere. 

The light at the end of the tunnel isn’t clear to you right now, and that’s okay. We’ll work on it when you come home. We are a unit; we move together. So, we’ll get through it. Together. 

Get some rest, John. It’s not over for you--your story doesn’t end here. 

With everlasting love,  

Rose

He wasn’t aware of his tears until they smeared the lipstick stain on the lower corner. John brought the letter to his face, inhaling the scent of her perfume. So sweet. She’d wait for him. She wouldn’t, no she refused to leave him. 

How good it felt to be loved by her.