#i playe dmy damn SELF

[lgcjunhwan]

& , high tide.

On Monday, November 30, you are called by one of the staff members to a meeting with Kim Hyuncheol, head manager of the trainees; Park Jeongan, current CEO; Lee Iseul, head creative director; and Roe Kangdae, head manager of LGC Creatives. “Please take a seat.” The staff member spoke before giving a brief explanation of the interview process and how you will be asked a question related to yourself and Future Dreams. Not a lot was revealed as to why the interview was conducted except for the fact that it was to help them understand their trainees on a more personal level.

The question that was asked was, “Reading for application form, it seems to us that you took none of the questions seriously. We’re seriously wondering why you decided to join and if you’re going to treat the competition as a joke like you did almost everything else. Acting like a clown can be a great asset in variety shows, but even the funniest entertainers like Bae Siwoo work hard behind the scenes and never take their career lightly. Here’s a serious question for you, and be very careful how you choose to answer it: how will you convince us that we should even consider you for a debut?”. Once you finish answering the question, the staff ends the interview by thanking you and telling you to have a nice day.

junhwan is of the opinion that nothing good can come from getting called in to see kim hyuncheol, regardless of the context, or who else is there too. but situations like this are especially bad. seated across from the panel, legs crossed at the ankle in a conscious effort not to manspread, junhwan feels like he’s back in high school. he spent a lot of his time there in front of a similar group of people, with similar disapproving looks on their faces. he left school to get away from this shit, but somehow, he’s ended up coming full circle.

their questions sting like theirs too, and it strikes junhwan for the first time that maybe he’s the problem. he doesn’t have a good reason as to why he doesn’t take anything seriously – he doesn’t even know if they’re asking exclusively about his application form and audition, or if they’re just asking generally. he knows that he hasn’t exactly garnered much of a reputation for being serious, but junhwan is suddenly overcome with the desire to prove them wrong. maybe it’s a dormant competitive streak waking up. or, more likely, it’s the sick realization that this isn’t like dropping out of school. if he fucks this up, he really doesn’t have anywhere left. his parents just about tolerated him during his rare visits to see them. he has no chance of passing the csat or getting to university. proving them wrong is the only real option left. 

wringing his hands together, junhwan squashes the urge to ask if they were serious about the competition. asking him to move in over text instead of in person? so immature. instead, he looks at everyone in the room in the eye except for hyuncheol, who he pretends to look in the eye by looking at his eyebrows. 

“the best way for me to deal with stressful things is with humour, although i hadn’t thought about how it might come across to others.” junhwan speaks slowly, weighing each word out on his tongue. every single one of them feels heavy. he can’t fall back on a joke now though. their questions – and devestatingly accurate assertions – have backed him into a corner where he’s forced to be honest. vulnerability, in junhwan’s own opinion, doesn’t suit him. “i can guarantee that at least one of my answers was serious. i am my own biggest threat, because of poor… coping… personality… flaws like this.” he holds back a grimace. it probably looks like he’s holding back a fart. is this shit going to be aired? holy fuck. “but even though it may not seem like i’m taking it seriously, i am.” he neglects to add anything about being a dropout or about how he’ll make up for everything. he doesn’t need to come across as any more pathetic than he already does right now. “i meant it too, that i can be a good moodmaker for the group, not just when variety shows call for a goofy personality. i really do think i could be good for morale and diffusing tense situations.”

but then they ask. they ask how he can prove himself, and junhwan’s stomach turns. are they really making him grovel for his place? “i’m more than just a clown.” honestly, he’s not even that funny and he knows it. “i feel like i’ve proved that throughout my training. i’ve worked hard to become a good dancer, and i’ve worked hard to learn how to sing and rap from scratch. if i didn’t take this seriously, i would’ve quit a long time ago.” he pauses, as a voice in his head tells him that won’t be enough. all of the guys here could say the exact same thing. junhwan’s heart almost falls out of his ass as he psychs himself up to lower himself down. “i joke around too much, i know. it’s because it’s easier on my mental state than if i was to be serious, but i’ll show you a more serious side of me going forward, if that’s what it takes. i went through a lot to get here, and i’m not going to give up my home so easily.” the closest thing he has to a home, at least.

thank you. enjoy the rest of your day.

junhwan swears they’re a bunch of sadists. as he quickly bows his goodbyes, he feels very, very close to throwing up, and books it out of there as fast as he can. the air around him as he walks is thick, and difficult to push through, even after he shuts the door behind him. while dragging his feet en route to the nearest bathroom, junhwan cracks his arms. his right elbow still doesn’t crack with the same satisfaction as the other, months after healing. it’s unsettling, but it’s something unfixable. he could really, really use a drink. 

OOC: The content of this submission is fully ic and doesn’t reflect our opinions ooc, while the tone of the content may sound negative, this interview by the staff is to put the trainees on the spot. The questions also do not reflect if somebody is or isn’t likely to debut.

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