#i picked a completely different name with no association to my birthname

[jinxed-dreams]

I've felt like something isn't right for a long time. As in, I've hated my name since I was 5 and wanted to change it into cool names that I knew other kids were called (all genderneutral names) and I always thought the whole "this is a thing for girls and this is for boys" was stupid, even as a small kid. There were also many times I wished I'd been born as a boy because "boys get to do more fun things" and sometimes just because I wanted ti know what it was like to be a boy.

Despite this, I only figured out I'm trans earlier this year. How? - my mother kept making fun of my appearance after I shaved my head (a lifelong goal) saying things like: "when you make the complete change into a man we'll call you *masculine name with the same first letter as my birthname*"

Well, guess what mother!

[thoradvice]

I want to go by a new name but I’m having trouble finding anything that feels like me. Any advice on finding a name that suits me?

hi there ! i actually have first hand experience with this - i changed my name too. so when i changed my name, i didn’t actually set out to. my experience might be a little different to most people’s, but i’ll explain my thought process here, too. i started going by the name evan when i was 13, mostly because i was out as gay on my tumblr, and i didn’t want anyone from my school or family to connect me with it. i then came out as a trans guy and just kept it. when i realised i’m actually a cis girl, i flipflopped between evan & my birth name for the longest time. even when i still kept it for friends & social media, i never planned on changing it legally. it’s only in the last year or so that i realised that evan really does fit me and i can’t imagine going by anything else for the rest of my life. so i plan on changing it legally before i go to university next summer. 

this journey was over the place of four years, so it really did take me a long time to figure out. and that’s okay ! it’s a huge change and really important, so it’s definitely something you want to take your time with. i’m 17 now, and in the four years it took me to truly settle on evan, i went by more names than i can list or even remember. following on from that, it’s completely okay to try different names out !! i remember being 13 / 14 and just changing the name in my bio every week, or adding in another. at one point, i had four different names in there. and that really is okay. it’s a big deal, and you’re allowed to switch names and come back to some and go by something outlandish just to figure yourself out. there’s no law or rule you have to abide by here !

now onto picking a name. i have a few different ideas, so to stop this just being a wall of text, i’m gonna bullet point them.

baby naming websites are super useful here, since they’re just huge lists of names, and most of them give you the meaning, too. they tend to be separated by gender, but you don’t have to follow this ! i’m a girl, and my name is traditionally associated with men.

it’s also common to name yourself after someone else. if there’s a relative you’re close to, particularly older or deceased members, you could consider that. you could even name yourself after a fictional character that’s especially close to your heart.

talk to your parents ! they might’ve have more names picked out for future children, or there might be family names that you don’t know about. your parents picked your birthname for you, and it’s okay that you don’t like it and want to change it, but i’m sure they’d appreciate being part of the process to pick a new one. 

there’s a subreddit called r/namenerds, which i actually browse a lot. names are just super interesting to me. anyway, it’s common for people to post their age, heritage and anything else that you’d like, and people can suggest names for you ! you can even put specifics in, like “masculine names beginning with S”, for example. i don’t use reddit very often, but it’s a really nice sub. i actually made a post on here when i was thinking about a middle name for myself a few months ago.

i hope these can help you & i really hope you find a name that fits ! if you do, feel free to come back and tell me what you picked <3