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avengerscompound · 4 years ago

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Moving On - Chapter 4

Moving On: A Falcon & Captain Marvel Fanfic

Masterlist PREVIOUS //

Buy me a ☕ Character Pairing: Sam Wilson x F!Reader, Carol Danvers x F! Reader

Word Count: 2107

Rating: E

Warnings: Smut (MF, oral sex, vaginal sex, accidental exhibitionism/voyeurism)

Synopsis: You thought Sam Wilson was the love of your life. You had planned to do it all with him - marriage, kids, see the world. Even when you’re life gets turned upside down, and you both end up international fugitives, he’s there by your side.

Then Thanos comes.

When Sam is one of the many turned to dust, leaving you alone and pregnant, you don’t think you’ll ever stop grieving. Yet, everyone tells you that Sam would want you to move on and live your life - that he’d want you to be happy. Gradually you open your heart up to another. Carol Danvers has lost people too. First her daughter, then her wife. As the two of you lean on each other, feelings grow and you move on together.

So what happens when Sam is returned to you?

Chapter 4: On the Run

It is strange how quickly your whole world can change. One minute you’re planning a wedding and living in the Avengers Compound in Upstate New York, an official agent for the Avengers. The next you’re considered a war criminal and you’re on the run with your fiance and three other people, one of them who happened to be Captain America.

It had been like a slow-motion car wreck watching everything go wrong. First, there was a completely unnecessary fight against your friends in the airport because no one wanted to listen to each other. Then you’d been arrested by people who you’d once considered not just friends, but family. Then you’d been shipped off to some secret supermax prison in the ocean for enhanced individuals with no trial, even though you weren’t enhanced. Then Steve Rogers had busted you out and you’d ended up on the run.

You were with Sam though, and you’d rather be with him on the run knowing you were on the right side of the fight than safe in New York alone.

You’d all been trying to make the most of your time working as vigilantes. There had been a lot of alien tech ending up in the hands of criminal organizations and Steve had been leading your little band of merry men to go and get it back.

Things weren’t easy for any of you. There was a lack of money coming in and everyone had had to quickly withdraw their entire savings before the government blocked all of their accounts. Thankfully Steve’s pension from the army had accrued a lot since he’d been lost at sea, but he hadn’t been able to withdraw all of it.

It had meant that a lot of the income came down to you, as out of everyone - you were the least recognizable. Yes, there were alerts out for you, but you were a spy - you knew how to disguise yourself and you knew where to find under-the-counter work when needed.

The trick was never staying in the same place for long and returning to countries that didn’t sign the accords. Even those weren’t safe for long - Ross was not above sending people into countries illegally to detain people who he was hunting - Bruce Banner was a testament to that - but they were safe for a little while and meant that once a month rather than sleep in the stolen Quinn, you could splash out and get a hotel. Although you were pretty sure that Wanda was often sleeping in hotels - with Vision most likely - anytime she said she needed to have some alone time.

You woke up and stretched on the cold metal floor of the Quinn, your spine popping loudly. Sam shifted in close to you, his arm draping over your sternum and his hand resting on your neck so his fingertips lightly caressed your jaw. “Was wondering when you were gonna wake up,” he murmured.

“Is it late?” You asked, blinking your eyes in the dark of the jet. There was light coming in through the cockpit window, but it was low and you couldn’t tell if that was because it was early or just overcast outside.

“Not particularly,” he said, his hand running down your neck and over your collarbone. “You just normally sleep like shit in the Quin.”

“Who says I didn’t,” you grumbled, rolling in toward him, and breathing him in. There was an acrid sting to his scent thanks to the fact that neither of you had showered for a few days. You were all due for a trip to somewhere remote with beds and good water pressure. Steve had said maybe going back to Wakanda for a few weeks was in order. He didn’t like to go too often because T’Challa had already extended himself above and beyond anything that was fair to ask of him just by harboring Bucky. But it had been over six months since any of you had been there, and you had accumulated a lot of alien technology that you knew Shuri would love to get her hands on.

Sam chuckled and his hands ran down to yours, linking your fingers together, and playing with the engagement ring that sat on your finger. “What if we just get married in Wakanda?”

You looked up into his eyes. They looked black in the dim light and when he smiled at you, the corners of them crinkled slightly. “I’m not sure that’s what you really want,” you said. “Don’t you want Sarah to be there? And the kids?”

Sam frowned. Sarah’s kids had been two and four years old when you’d gone on the run and every month that he missed of their lives hurt him. He’d been sending money back to his sister to keep the family business running back when you’d both had actual jobs, but these days he was barely scraping by himself.

He sighed and nuzzled into your neck. “I just want us to start our lives together.”

“I know, but life had other plans,” you said. “I love you and I don’t need to get married to know that. It’s not going to change anything. We will still be on the run and we won’t be able to build a stable life and have kids.”

Sam sighed and leaned his forehead against you. “I know, but I want you to be my wife.”

“I am your wife,” you said.

“Not legally,” he said.

“We don’t do anything legally at the moment,” you said, playfully. When Sam didn’t laugh, you sighed and wrapped your arms around him. “Sam,” you said. “If you really want to get married in Wakanda, I’ll do it. I’m sure I can get something nice to wear together, and Nat and Wanda can be my bridesmaids. I’m sure given how close we’ve all gotten they would be who I’d have picked anyway. Just like I know you’d have Steve be your best man. But I know you. This isn’t really what you want. You want the big wedding down in Louisiana like you always planned. With the catering done using fish that were caught by your family’s trawler and you want AJ and Cass to be our little ring bearers. And I know… I know that if you do this - if we get married in Wakanda without Sarah, she’ll murder you. She will murder you and then disown you post humus.”

Sam started laughing. “Yeah, she will.”

“Sam, I love you. I’m yours, no matter what,” you said.

“I know,” he replied with a sigh. “I know we’re doing the right thing now. I mean - Tony can get all on his high horse about how important the accords were, but he still broke them immediately. That fucking kid he brought to the fight is still breaking the accords and living his best life. I just… I wish we could have both.”

“So do I,” you said. “I hope they come around, but I’m scared that the thing that makes them realize how wrong they are is gonna be real bad. Like; world-ending bad.”

“Yeah, me too,” Sam said. “Which is why I’m doing this.”

“So, what do you want to do? You asked.

“I guess… we can wait,” Sam relented. “But maybe we can see if there’s any way we could do something small that we could sneak Sarah to? Like … she goes to the Maldives and who just happens to be there getting married?”

“They’ll be watching her,” you said.

“Yeah, I know,” he said. “But we can look into it.”

“Yeah, okay,” you agreed. “We’ll look into it.”

Sam leaned in and kissed you deeply. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders and pulled him down on top of you, so the full weight of his body pressed down on the cold metal floor of the jet.

Sam groaned softly and rolled his hips, his cock starting to harden against your thigh. “Where’s Steve?” you mumbled against his lips as he continued to kiss you. He was currently the only unknown factor as Wanda was on another of her ‘retreats’ and Natasha was dealing with some ‘personal things’ that she wouldn’t tell the rest of you about. He pulled back and smirked down at you. “Why? You want him to watch?”

“No,” you giggled, smacking his arm. “I want the opposite of that.”

Sam laughed and nuzzled at your neck, pushing his hands up under your sleep shirt. “On his morning run. Just you and me, baby.”

You kissed him again - more frantic this time, and your hands dug into his shoulders. Sam began to squeeze and massage your breast as he ground down against you, sending a warm buzz through your body. He began to move down your body, taking his time to both undress you and kiss every part of you. By the time he was crouched between your spread legs, your whole body prickled like a live wire.

He gripped your thigh with one hand and reached up and began massaging your breast with the other as he dipped his head down and began lapping at your cunt. You moaned and arched your back, gripping his bicep with one hand as you reached over your head with the other. A hot current ran through you as Sam focused on your clit, sucking and nipping at it as he squeezed your breast. He moaned into your cunt, the sound sending vibrations through you. You slowly fell apart under him, writhing as a coil of hot pleasure wound itself tightly in your core. Sam thrust two of his fingers inside you, and as soon as they hit that sweet spot inside you you cried out loudly and came hard, your whole body shuddering as your orgasm crashed through you.

Sam sat up onto his knees and looked at you. “Gonna have to be a little quieter,” he said tapping your thigh. “Steve’s got pretty good hearing you know.”

You scrunched up your face. “Maybe you need to gag me.”

Sam chuckled and bit his bottom lip as you got on our hands and knees. Even on the bedroll, your knees were going to hate you after this, but right now you didn’t care at all. Sam moved up behind you, held onto your hips, and thrust hard into you. You stumbled forward a little but managed to catch yourself on the cargo trunk in front of you. He began to fuck you hard immediately, not even waiting to steady yourself. You cried out and clenched around him as it felt like a hot shard tore through you.

Sam leaned over you, kissing your neck and shoulder, as he put his hand over your mouth. “Hush now,” he growled in your ear. “You don’t want to wake up the whole forest.”

You moaned into his hand and opened your mouth, letting him push two of his fingers inside for you to suck on. He railed into you, his hips moving quickly and erratically as your bodies slapped together. You tried to bounce back on him, adding to the pleasure coursing through you, but it wasn’t long until your arms gave out and you were helpless under him as your orgasm built.

As his hips began to stutter, Sam wrapped his arm around your waist and began to rub your clit. It was all it took for the dam inside you to burst. You buried your face in your arm and cried out as you came, clenching around Sam’s cock. He began to thrust even more erratically as he chased his own release and with a jerk and a low groan he came, releasing inside you.

You let yourself flop completely on the floor, breathing heavily and feeling a little high on endorphins. “You think Steve is out there and heard us?” You asked as Sam lay back down next to you and kissed your shoulder.

“Caught the tail end of the show!” Steve yelled, his voice muffled through the jet walls.

You and Sam both broke down into peels of laughter and you hid your face in Sam’s chest.

“Get a move on, would you?!” Steve yelled. “We have a lot to do today.”

You laughed even harder and Sam held you close, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “Come on, duty calls,” he chuckled.

You let him help you up and the two of you both started cleaning yourselves up the best way you could. You hoped to god that Steve would say it was time for a break soon, but in the meantime, you were glad you were here with Sam.

// NEXT

#sam wilson #carol danvers #sam wilson x reader #carol danvers x reader #falcon #captain marvel #falcon fanfic #captain marvel fanfic #fanfic #fanfiction #reader insert #smut #moving on

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slaylinski · 4 years ago

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5 Times Something Almost Happened And 1 Time It Did

Pairing: Sam x Bucky (AU) 5+1

Word count: 8704

Warnings: angst, major character death (mentioned), grief, miscommunication, Sambucky can be absolutely idiots sometimes, mutual pining, fluff, happy ending

Prompt: Sam and Bucky are obviously in love with each other, but each secretly thinks the other is the boyfriend of their recently deceased friend (Steve) and that they should respect the bro code.

A/N: So, I recently saw that prompt on IG and since there is no fanfiction out there that covers that I decided to write one myself. Prepare yourself for some misunderstandings, angst, grieving and sambucky fluff!

btw, shoutout to @januarystears and @gwen-novella for being my beta reader and emotional Marvel supporters🥰💕

Please be aware that English is not my first language.

Bucky was looking at the tombstone in front of him, still not able to process what happened the last few days. Steve Rogers was his childhood best friend. He remembered them being 5-year old’s trying to steal some of the cookies his mother had baked; he remembered Steve calling him at 3am on a Sunday, crying and telling him about his mother‘s car accident, the one that had made him an orphan. He remembered his parents not even hesitating for a second before they took Steve in.

And now Steve was gone. And everything Bucky had left were a few memories that were already starting to fade.

Since his parents were dead not many people came to Steve’s funeral. A few friends he had met in Chicago, Bucky’s family and of course Sam Wilson.

After he and Steve had finished college, Steve had gotten an amazing job offer in Chicago and since Bucky had decided to stay in New York, they had had to adapt to not being able to see each other every day. They had still managed to see each other monthly, most of the times Steve coming to New York, since Bucky’s family, meaning Steve’s family, was still in New York as well. And every time they had visited each other Steve had talked about Sam. Every damn time. Bucky had felt like he already knew the other man. Obviously, he had been happy that Steve had found a boyfriend in Chicago.

Since Bucky was bi and Steve had been gay, they had had a few first times together. From having their first kiss with each other to some things he was not going to mention here. They had tried to make their relationship work, but ultimately decided they were better off as friends. Since then they had not really talked much about their relationships. The only thing that had mattered to Bucky had been that Steve was happy and the way he had talked about Sam had made Bucky realize that he had been happy.

“You okay, man? “ Bucky looked to his left and stared into a pair of brown eyes.

“Yeah, I am okay," he said quietly, which was far from the truth. He still could not believe that Steve was dead.

“I am Sam, Sam Wilson," Sam introduced himself to Bucky, which made the latter chuckle. “Yeah, I already know that. Steve talked about you, a lot," Bucky tried to smile but his eyes were still focused on the tombstone in front of him.

“You know, it is a shame that he never introduced us," Sam said.

“It really is, but I feel like I already know you from all the stories Steve told me about you. I am glad he had someone in Chicago who took care of him. I am sorry for your loss," Bucky felt terrible. He felt like he could not breathe, like drowning but not being able to swim to the surface.

“I am really sorry too, Bucky," Sam whispered. Bucky barely remembered the next few hours. They went to the Barnes house for a funeral service. He saw his sister Becca who tried not to cry but miserably failed, he met his parents’ eyes. His mom was silently crying, and his dad wore sunglasses, trying to hide his swollen eyes as well. To his parents it was like they had lost one of their children. To Becca and him it was like they had lost their brother. And Bucky could not even imagine how hard it was for Sam to lose his boyfriend, his significant other, the person he wanted to grow old with. However, Sam looked more pulled together, like he tried his best not to cry in front of Bucky. Which Bucky understood, it was not like they knew each other very well.

“Do you want something to eat?" Sam asked and tried to feed Bucky some of the cake that was sitting on the kitchen counter. It was one of the many cakes people had brought over to the Barnes house after they had found out about Steve’s death. Everybody had loved Steve Rogers and it was a real shock to them that he had died at such a young age. Bucky, however, did not feel like eating. He felt like sleeping. Like the kind of sleep that makes you forget reality, the one that comforts you. He had not slept for the last couple of days, he was afraid of dreaming, afraid of dreaming and waking up. Afraid that his mind was going to dream about Steve and then him waking up and realizing that it was only a dream and that he was really gone.

“No, thanks. Do you want something?" Bucky asked but Sam shook his head. It was the first time that Bucky took a closer look at Sam Wilson. He was a little bit shorter than Bucky. His brown eyes were warm, and they looked worried, and Bucky felt like Sam was as close to breaking down as he himself was but tried to hold it together. The longer he looked at Sam, the more he understood Steve when he had talked about how warm Sam's eyes were or how good his smile looked. Sam was exactly the type of guy Bucky would go for. Sam tried to comfort him, and Bucky did not understand why. It was not like he had lost his boyfriend. He had lost his best friend, which was pretty hard as well, but not as hard as what Sam was going through now.

“Sorry, I need to get out of here,” Bucky told Sam and rushed out of the house.

The Barnes house was pretty small, barely enough room for two children, but they had squeezed together when Steve had moved in. The backyard had a small garden. A bench facing the giant cherry tree Bucky and Steve used to climb up.

Bucky felt his lip tremble and sniffed. He was all alone now. Steve was gone and there was nothing he could change about that. He felt a tear slipping down his face and tried to wipe it away with his shirtsleeve, but his stupid shirt was too tight, and he could not reach his eyes, and everything was just stupid.

A few moment later his vision was blurred with tears and he tried hard not to sob. It was horrible. He had not even realized that Sam had followed him outside until he felt a hand on his shoulder, trying to comfort him. “Hey, it’s going to be alright, Bucky,” he said and tried to calm him down. The second he noticed Sam; Bucky felt like shit. Sam had just lost his boyfriend and Bucky was out here crying and not even thinking about Sam for a second.

“I’m sorry,” Bucky looked at Sam. “I just… I can’t imagine what you’re going through right now and I-,” he tried to continue but Sam interrupted him.

“If you try to apologize for having feelings, Barnes, I am going to throw you into your neighbors’ pool,” Sam pointed to his right to the swimming pool next to them. “I’m not joking. I don’t know what Steve told you about me, but I’m a man of my word,” Sam laughed. Bizarrely, Bucky laughed as well, like a real laugh, not the ones you fake to seem polite.

“You know, he would’ve hated that,” Bucky declared.

“What? “

“Us here, moping around. He would have wanted his funeral to be party. Has he ever told you about the first years of his life?”

Sam shook his head.

“When we were younger, Steve used to be sick, like all the time. He had the worst allergies and asthma and everything you could possibly imagine. Some winters were hard, there were times when he was in the hospital for week.

Then one time he had this stupid idea to plan his funeral because somehow in his 10-year-old brain he was thinking that he was going to die. And me, being the other 10-year-old, agreed to that so we were in that chapel and he was reading a text that he’d written and playing some weird ass song he’d found on his Mp3 player and then we were all mushy and crying. A couple of weeks later he was home again. A few years after that, he got his height boost and most of his allergies were gone and he became the Steve you know,” Bucky hadn’t even realized that he was crying again but it was a weird combo of crying and laughing.

“God, I miss him so much already,” he sniffed.

“So, Steve Rogers would’ve wanted a party for his funeral? “Sam grinned, and Bucky couldn’t help but start to notice Sam’s laugh. The way his eyes crinkled and the way his whole body moved when he laughed.

“We’re going to get through this, Buck. I promise,” Sam put his arm around Bucky and patted his shoulder.

“You know, you can always call me if you want to talk,” this was the first time that Bucky saw that Sam had tears in his eyes as well. Sam quickly looked in a different direction but left his hand on Bucky’s shoulder. Bucky was not mad that Sam called him ‘Buck ‘, he felt horrible. He was a horrible person. His best friend had just died and all he could think about was how badly he wanted to kiss his best friend’s boyfriend.

Sam Wilson was fairly sure that Bucky Barnes was one of the strongest people he had ever met. He could not even imagine what it must feel like to lose his boyfriend. Well, until the funeral, Sam hadn’t been quite sure if Bucky really had been Steve’s boyfriend because even though he had known Steve for more than 4 years, he still did not remember one woman or one man that Steve had ever mentioned with as much enthusiasm as he had radiated when talking about Bucky. So, it was kind of weird to Sam that they had only visited each other occasionally and still hadn’t been living together after so many years, but he hadn’t wanted to ask why. It was not his business anyways.

Even though he did not know much about Steve Rogers’ love life, he considered him one of his best friends if not his best friend. Therefore, it was hard on him to have lost Steve so suddenly. He had never heard of somebody dying of an asthma attack. Especially someone who hadn’t had one in more than ten years. He remembered Bucky’s call and nearly dropping his phone. Bucky’s parents had been Steve’s emergency contacts, so it was unsurprising that they, and thus Bucky, had gotten notified first.

He had been in the middle of cooking dinner for him and Steve, since they were sharing a flat. It was not like they were poor or not earning enough money, it was more about not being alone and being able to save up a bit for the future. None of them minded living with a roommate, though.

After the call he had travelled to New York to attend Steve’s funeral. It was not how he’ imagined his first trip to New York and it certainly wasn’t the way he had wanted to meet the famous Bucky Barnes. After the death of Steve’s parents when he’d been a teenager, Bucky’s family had been all he’d had left.

Sam had felt a little anxious, and even though two of his and Steve’s friends, Wanda and Pietro, had come with him, he still felt like an intruder. He still could not believe that Steve was really gone.

He recognized Bucky immediately. He had seen a lot of picture over the years and even met him one time via face time but that could not have prepared him for what he saw the first time he looked into Bucky’s eyes.

Even though he was on the verge of crying, he looked like one of the most beautiful men Sam had ever seen, and the second he thought of that Sam wanted to slap himself. He felt like the worst person on earth. His best friend had just died and all he could think about was how good-looking his boyfriend was. He was going to end up in hell.

For the next couple of days Sam felt numb. Bucky kindly invited him to stay over at his flat in New York, so Sam didn’t have to bother booking a hotel room or anything like that.

Since his boss had known Steve as well but could not attend his funeral due to business, he kindly gave Sam two paid weeks off. Sam was not sure how he was going to handle going back to the flat he shared with Steve. He already felt lonely and was not sure if he could handle throwing out Steve’s stuff.

But right now, he was thinking about a lot of different things, for example about Bucky, who was sitting right in front of him, eating a bagel for breakfast.

Bucky’s flat was not what Sam expected. After living together with Steve Rogers for nearly three years, he thought that he knew the way Steve liked to live. Pretty messy was an understatement. His room looked like it belonged to a messy 3-year-old. Bucky’s flat however was completely clean. So clean that Sam would not have been bothered eating off the floor. The thought of Bucky constantly reminding Steve to put away his stuff made him laugh.

“What’s so funny?” Bucky looked at him curiously and swallowed the last bit of his bagel.

“Oh, nothing,” Sam tried hide his grin.

“Hey, that’s not fair. Tell me,” Bucky protested but he was smiling as well. The pretty smile, the one that made Sam’s heart flutter. He quickly put that thought aside.

“Well, you knew Steve better than me and when I see how clean your flat is all I can think about is how messy ours used to look.”

That made Bucky laugh as well. “You know, I asked myself the same question. Do you remember when you were on that business trip? That time I visited Steve, and it was the first time I saw your flat and I was shocked how clean it actually looked. Not that Steve was a messy, but I’m amazed how you managed to get along with him not putting his stuff everywhere.”

“Well at least he tried with you, whenever he was coming home, he just threw his jacket on our couch and went into the bathroom,” Sam laughed. `

“Yeah, he tried his best whenever he visited me,” Bucky answered.

‘Perks of being the boyfriend, Sam thought but didn’t say it out loud. He did not want to upset Bucky and tried to talk as little about Steve as possible, only referring to him when Bucky told him a story about them.

“You know what, Sam?” Bucky asked after they put away the dishes from their late breakfast. “I’m done sitting here and moping around. I need to get out of here, get some fresh air.”

“Do you have something in mind?” Sam looked at him. It was weird, even though he never met Bucky in person he felt like he already knew him. Steve used to talk about him all the time, mentioning him even when he was talking about the most unnecessary things. At first Sam thought it was cute, but after a while it kind of annoyed him. However, Bucky really was as great as Steve had described him. In the last days he got to know him and found out that he was one of the most generous and humble persons he had ever met.

“I actually do. I have been craving ice cream ever since I saw that Ben and Jerry’s commercial last night and thought that we could go to the Central Park,” Bucky suggested.

“Sound great. Let me get my jacket and I am good to go”.

They each grabbed their phones, wallets and jackets. Bucky stuffed his keys into the pocket of his leather jacket. Sam could swear that Bucky had at least five different versions of the same leather jacket in different colors.

Bucky’s flat was close to the Central Park since he lived in Manhattan. Sam was not quite sure what kind of job Bucky had but it must have been paying really well if he could afford living that close to the city. They didn’t talk much while walking to the park, but Bucky took the time to show Sam some of Steve’s favorite spots, for example his favorite coffee shop. Whenever they walked past a shop or cafe Steve used to like, Sam knew immediately because Bucky tensed up.

Obviously, Sam had never been to the Central Park in New York and he had only ever seen it on pictures so far, so he was surprised how big it actually was. There were a lot of children, parents and young people walking around. A couple of them were inline skating or even skateboarding. It was a sunny afternoon, which made for a crowded park.

“What’s your favorite ice cream flavor?” Bucky asked him after they sat down on a free bench they found.

“Pretty much any ice cream flavor,” Sam laughed.

“You know, that was Steve’s answer to that question as well. He ate pretty much every flavor of ice cream I bought so I always had to hide it or buy an extra pack,” Bucky smiled but his eyes looked sad.

Sam wasn’t sure what he could do to make him feel better. And the worst was that he was still thinking about how good-looking Bucky was. “Just surprise me, okay?”

Bucky nodded and quickly walked away to the nearest ice cream van.

Sam leaned against the bank and closed his eyes. His mind was still trying to process Steve’s death. When he was younger his dad had died, and his mom had made him go to a therapist for a couple of months. The woman had told him about the five different stages of grief, and Sam was sure he was still stuck in denial. He just couldn’t imagine his life without Steve Rogers, and he still did not know how he would manage living on his own. He might get a different flat, one that was smaller.

His thoughts were interrupted by Bucky, who returned, carrying two ice cream cones in his hands. There were at least three scoops of chocolate ice cream on each one. Sam’s eyes grew big once Bucky settled the ice cream into his hand.

“I thought we might as well treat ourselves,” he only stated and started eating his ice cream.

If there was something worse than having the hots for your dead best friend’s boyfriend, it was watching his so-called boyfriend licking ice cream.

He quickly looked away and stared at the ice cream in his hand, which was slowly starting to melt.

“You know, I bought this for you so you could eat it. Not watch it melt, but you do you,” Bucky raised his eyebrows and looked at the ice cream that was slowly dripping around the cone.

“Yeah, of course. Is it a coincidence that you chose chocolate because it is Steve’s favorite ice cream or is it your favorite flavor as well?” Sam asked curiously.

“You got me there. It’s my favorite ice cream flavor, too. So now you know why I had to hide my secret ice cream stash in the freezer whenever Steve came around,” Bucky laughed.

They were quietly eating their ice cream when Bucky stood up all of a sudden and grabbed Sam’s hand. Bucky’s hand was warm, warmer than Sam had imagined. The former quickly pulled him to his feet and Sam felt himself blushing. Hopefully, Bucky didn’t see that.

“Come on, we are going to see the ducks,” Bucky shouted and ran to the lake that was in the middle of the park. Sam just laughed. Sometimes he felt like Bucky was still ten years old and not 28. He followed Bucky and found him a few seconds later, throwing the last crumbs of his ice cream cone to a little duck family that was quickly picking up the crumbs.

“You are such a child, Bucky.”

Bucky just rolled his eyes and tried to pet the small ducklings. However, the mother duck was not having that and tried to pick at Bucky’s hand. It even started to flutter towards him. Bucky let out a scream and started running to Sam. “Help me, ahh. It’s trying to kill me. Sorry duck, I was only trying to pet your babies,” Bucky exclaimed. “I wouldn’t hurt them.”

Sam was trying his hardest not to burst out laughing. He noticed a couple of other people around him who were watching them. A few seconds later he just gave up and completely doubled over. He was wheezing and already feeling the weird looks he got from the people surrounding him. Tears started to form in his eyes and that was the first time the last few days that the reason for them was not him being sad.

Bucky finally came over to him, laughing as well. “They were so cute, I just had to,” he exclaimed, and before Bucky was able to say another word, Sam grabbed him by his hips and pulled him over to him. He let his hand sit on Bucky’ waist for a short moment until he realized that Bucky was staring at him, especially at his hand. Sam felt blood rushing into his head. He probably looked absolutely flustered and he noticed that Bucky was blushing.

“Anyways. They were cute and Steve loves, I mean loved, ducks,” Bucky said quietly.

After hearing Steve’s name Sam felt guilty again. Following that awkward incident, they quickly went back to Bucky’s apartment and never mentioned it again.

Ever since Sam had left to go back to his flat in Chicago, Bucky felt lonely. He had never felt that way when Steve had left him to go back to Chicago or when his other friends visited. It might have to do with the fact that Sam was the first person who really calmed him down after Steve’s death. His parents and his sister tried their best, but they were still trying to process the fact that Steve was gone. Sam’s reaction to Steve’s death was different. It almost made Bucky a little angry, because how could he not have cared about Steve, but then he remembered that Sam hadn’t know him as well as the Barnes family. Sam might have tried to pull himself together because he had not wanted to cry in front of Bucky. The last couple of days Bucky had gotten to spend with Sam he understood what Steve had loved about him. Sam was kind, made him laugh and the best thing, he was honest to Bucky.

Bucky’s last relationships had not been exactly what he pictured. The last girl he had dated had been someone named Natasha, who he’d met through work. She was nice and pretty, but after a few months she’d told Bucky that she did not see a future with him. He wasn’t sad that their relationship ended, he was sad because it meant he was alone again.

Right then, he was sitting on his couch, watching his favorite tv show. Suits. The first time he’d watched that show he couldn’t decide whether he would rather sleep with Donna or Harvey. Seeing that he was a lawyer himself, he knew the series was nowhere close to being realistic, but he still liked it. Practicing law wasn’t exactly how he’d pictured it in college but still, it made him happy.

His thoughts were interrupted by his phone ringing. He quickly grabbed it and smiled once he saw the name displayed on the screen. Sam Wilson.

“Hey, Bucky,” Sam greeted him.

Bucky felt his chest flutter but tried to ignore it. Sam was his forbidden fruit, but he already felt like Eva ogling the red apple in garden Eden. Apparently, he and Eva would share going to hell.

“Hey Sam,” Bucky answered quietly.

There as an awkward pause.

“Something wrong?”

“Well, I don’t know if this might seem weird to you but yesterday, I was finally able to enter Steve’s room and was trying to sort his stuff and because he doesn’t have any family left, I thought you might want some of this and- “

Bucky interrupted him. “Sam, you are rambling. What do you want me to do?” he asked.

“I was just wondering if you might want to fly to Chicago and look through Steve’s stuff. Like, I know he would have wanted you to get most of his things. I understand if you are occupied with work but honestly, I don’t know if I’m ready to get rid of his things. It feels like I’m starting to forget him. I’m already starting to forget what his voice sounded like, and it’s starting to drive me crazy. And I know it’s a lot I’m asking of you and it is a shitty thing of me to cry to you about it, since he was your-,” Sam sniffed and before he could continue Bucky interrupted him again.

“To quote you, Sam: If you dare apologize for having feelings, I might throw you into your neighbor’s pool. Even though I don’t know if your neighbor owns a pool, but you get what I’m trying to say here,” Bucky could hear Sam laughing, although his voice was still a bit cracked. He sounded like he had been crying for at least a couple of minutes. Then again, Bucky would probably react the same if he’d had to sit down and sort out Steve’s stuff.

“I’m flying out to you tomorrow,” Bucky stated. He could hear Sam breathing. “You don’t have to if you have work to do or something else, I can get Wanda or Pietro to help me,” Sam said, guilt lacing his tone.

“No, you’re right. I should have thought about that earlier. It must be hard for you. Of course, I can help,” he assured Sam.

“Thanks, Bucky,” Sam replied.

“You’re welcome, Sam. I’ll text you my flight information.”

However, he did not mention that he was excited to meet Sam again. He was sure that the last thing Sam was worried about right now was finding a new boyfriend, and Bucky still felt guilty about even thinking that he had a chance with Sam. Sam had been Steve’s boyfriend and was grieving, and Bucky was selfish for thinking that Sam could like him that way.

Immediately after the phone call ended, he grabbed his laptop and started looking for flights straight to Chicago. Since it was on such short notice, the flights were way more expensive than usually, but he didn’t care about that.

The day he arrived in Chicago was rainy. The weather was characteristically bad, so he was glad that Sam had offered to pick him up from the airport. Once Bucky had grabbed his suitcase, he made his way into the arrival hall of the airport. He already noticed Sam from far away, due to the fact that the other man was waving like crazy at Bucky, which made him laugh. Sam was such a dork.

“Hey, I’m glad you made it. Thanks again,” Sam tried to carry Bucky’s suitcase, but Bucky pushed his hand away.

“I got it, thanks,” he still thought it was cute.

They walked outside to Sam’s car, talking about random things. Bucky noticed that Sam didn’t mention Steve’s name. He was probably waiting until they got home, and Bucky did not want to upset Sam any further, so he did not mention the deceased’s name as well.

Bucky could count on one hand how many times he had been to Steve’s and Sam’s flat. It was still weird to him that they did not sleep in the same bed. But after knowing Steve Rogers for nearly two decades, it was impossible for even him to sleep next to Steve. Whenever the latter had slept, he’d snored so loud that Bucky had been sure the neighbors next door could still hear him, so he did not blame Sam for having wanted a separate bed.

The flat had not changed much since the last time Bucky had been there. The walls were decorated with a lot of artwork - most of it done by Steve. While Bucky was not able to draw a straight line, Steve had been able to draw the most amazing things with only a pencil.

“You can keep some of them, if you want,” Sam commented and squeezed his shoulder.

“Yeah, that would be nice, but you should keep most of them. They’re in your home, anyway, so why should I take ‘em with me.”

Sam only stared at him in confusion.

“I guess I’ll move into a new flat once we are done here. It’s too big for me anyway. Might as well get another roommate,” Sam stated.

“Roommate?” Bucky looked at him “Aren’t you a bit old to live with a roommate?” he asked, seemingly confused. He knew Sam was nearly 3 years older than him and Steve.

“I am what?” Sam raised his eyebrow.

Immediately, Bucky felt bad. He was such an idiot. Sam had been living with his boyfriend for the last 3 years, of course he was going to feel lonely living on his own. “Nothing. Forget it. So, where did you put Steve’s stuff?”

Sam pointed to a couple of boxes that were lying in one corner of the living room. “I got rid of most of his clothes and furniture, apart from some t-shirts and hoodies. Thought you might want to keep some of these.”

Bucky’s eyes wandered to a green hoodie that was crumpled up in one of the boxes. He quickly snatched it and pressed it against his chest. It was the hoodie Steve had worn the day they had gotten their college acceptance. It even smelled a bit like Steve.

“You should keep it,” Sam mumbled, “I have so much of his stuff, and you have nothing and…” His voice started to crack.

Bucky felt helpless. He was trying to think of something that would make Sam feel better. The only thing he could think about right then was a hug.

He quickly wrapped his arms around Sam and pressed his chest against the other man’s. He could feel Sam’s breathing and heartbeat.

Sam started to calm down, still pressed against Bucky. They stayed like this for a moment until Bucky started to feel something. ‘Oh god’, he panicked. Not now. It had been a few months since he’d last had any physical contact and it was starting to show. Sam clinging and moving against him did not make things better. Bucky felt his face heating up and tried to think of a way to break out of the hug.

“You, okay?” Sam asked and quickly ended their hug. He’d probably felt something was wrong.

Bucky was still red and quickly looked away. ‘So much to not thinking about Sam in that way,’ he thought to himself.

“Yeah, everything’s alright,” Bucky just knew Sam had felt it. However, he was glad that he didn’t mention it. It was already awkward enough for him. They continued to look through Steve’s stuff and neither of them said another word.

“I am glad you are here, Bucky,” Sam whispered after a while.

“I am really glad you called me,” Bucky responded. It was going to be okay.

“What movie do you want to watch?” Sam asked and started zapping through Netflix. It had been a couple of months since Bucky’s visit to Chicago, but he and Sam had been in contact with each other nearly every day. Bucky had started to slowly crawl into Sam’s daily life, but he did not mind it. Quite the opposite. The more he talked to Bucky, the more Sam caught himself thinking about the way Bucky smiled and laughed. The way Bucky’s eyes lit up when he talked about his work or his cat, Alpine. The cat was cute. Sam remembered Bucky finding her near the trash cans in the backyard of his flat and the moment he’d seen her he’d known that she was supposed to stay with him. Just like Steve and Bucky used to do, the two chose at least one time a month to meet up with each other. That month it was Sam’s turn to visit Bucky.

Right now, they were sitting on Bucky’s couch. Bucky was on his phone trying to figure out what he wanted to eat for dinner. Alpine was cuddled against Bucky’s chest.

“I don’t care. Chose something you want to watch,” Bucky answered Sam’s question. He stroked Alpine’s white fur. The cat snuggled closer to Bucky and purred. Sam could not blame her. Bucky’s chest did look comfortable.

“Okay, then.”

It still took Sam more than fifteen minutes to find a series he wanted to watch.

“Have you decided on what you want to eat?” he asked Bucky, who was still scrolling through his phone.

“No,” Bucky let out a groan. “They have so many options. How am I supposed to choose? I want fries and sushi and pizza at the same time,” he exclaimed.

Sam laughed. One of the many things he had learned about Bucky in the last couple of months was that Bucky loved food. It was close to being an unhealthy obsession.

“Well, how about we just get something small of everything and share?” Sam offered but Bucky did not seem convinced.

“Sam, I don’t want to share,” he pouted.

“Okay, well, that’s your problem. I already know what I want to eat,” Sam crossed his arms and leaned back against the couch. It was comfortable and probably cost more than Sam’s monthly salary. He had learned that Bucky was a corporate lawyer, which explained how he was able to live so close to Manhattan. It also explained the amounts of money he was able to spend on food. The first few times, Sam had tried to split the bill, but Bucky had always protested. Sam had stopped trying after that. It was sweet of Bucky, and Sam wondered if that was the way Bucky had treated Steve as well. The more he got to know the other man, the more he caught himself falling for him. He knew it was wrong, and that Steve would probably hate him for feeling that way - he even hated himself a little bit for it - but he couldn’t change his feelings. He tried his best not to get too touchy with Bucky, but he failed sometimes.

“I want pizza.”

Sam looked at Bucky. “Are you sure?”

“Yep,” Bucky started to scratch Alpine’s belly, and the cat purred in response.

Sam shrugged his shoulders. He knew that Bucky would probably change his opinion once the pizza was here, but he still called the pizza place and ordered.

45 minutes later the doorbell rang, and Bucky stood up to answer. Alpine looked up in confusion once she noticed that Bucky was gone and started walking towards Sam. After looking at him, she decided he was worthy and cuddled against his chest. Sam patted her.

“Oh, this is so cute, I need to take a picture,” Bucky had returned with two large pizza cartons and a smaller one containing some garlic bread. Sam smiled, but the second Bucky got his phone out, Alpine jumped up and quickly walked away.

“Stupid cat,” Bucky mumbled. It was almost like she heard him because she turned her head and hissed at him.

“Great, now she’s mad,” Sam sighed.

“She’ll get over it. Here’s your pizza,” Bucky gave him his carton and settled down to eat his own pizza.

“By the way, my sister wants to finally meet you,” Bucky said after a few minutes. It didn’t take him long to finish his pizza and he moved on to the garlic bread.

“I can’t wait to meet her. Steve used to talk about her all the time. He really loved her like a little sister.” Sam didn’t know Becca personally, apart from that short meeting at Steve’s funeral, but back then hadn’t really been the right time to get to know her better.

“Yeah, he really did. She is our little sister,” Bucky mumbled, a sad undertone present in his voice. Sam wasn’t going to lie, he thought about Steve a lot, but whenever he visited Bucky or got a message from him, the thought of his best friend was pushed a little bit further back in his brain. Every time he caught himself doing that, he felt guilty. Guilty for starting to forget the way Steve’s voice sounded, for getting a smaller flat because he couldn’t stand continuing to live in the same flat, he used to live in with Steve and mostly, guilty for slowly starting to fall in love with Bucky Barnes.

He wondered if Bucky sometimes forgot about Steve, too, or if Sam was just a horrible friend. He didn’t have the courage to ask Bucky about it; he did not want to lose the closest thing he had to a best friend since Steve.

They continued to watch the series. After a while, Alpine came back from wherever she had hidden. She settled into the crook of Bucky’s arm and looked into Sam’s eyes. He almost felt caught by her. He did not really like cats; however, he made an exception for Alpine.

Shortly after the movie, Sam noticed that Bucky was snoring. He was leaning against Sam’s shoulder, Alpine still lying on him.

Sam caught himself watching Bucky for a few seconds. He looked so cute and calm and the way he was resting against Sam’s shoulder gave him goosebumps. His skin looked so soft, and Sam had to fight with himself not to touch his cheek. He decided to close his eyes for a few minutes as well.

The next morning, Sam noticed something furry on his nose, tickling him. He sneezed and opened his eyes, only to look at something white. He tried to push Alpine away from his face and started to look around. He remembered falling asleep on Bucky’s couch. He noticed that somehow during the night, Bucky had shifted and was now laying on Sam’s chest. Sam’s arm was wrapped around Bucky’s torso. He tried to shift without moving too much but failed. He looked at Bucky’s face and noticed that the younger man was still sleeping peacefully.

‘Great and now I have to pee’, Sam thought. He ran his other hand through Bucky’s hair. It was as soft as he imagined. A few minutes later Bucky’s eyes fluttered, and a pair of blue eyes started into Sam’s.

“Morning,” Bucky said with a rusty voice. It took him a while to notice that he was lying nearly on top of Sam.

“Have you slept well?” Sam asked.

Bucky nodded and stared at him so intensely that Sam briefly thought he was going to kiss him. However, Bucky quickly sat up and rubbed his eyes.

“So anyways. Do you want some breakfast?” Bucky changed the topic, already half up off the couch and on his way into the kitchen.

Sam stared after at him. ‘What the hell was that’, he thought but shook it off and quickly followed Bucky into the kitchen.

Today was the 6th month anniversary of Steve’s death and Bucky’s day had already started out shitty. Firstly, he’d nearly missed his alarm clock, then his client had stood him up for lunch and finally he’d managed to spill his coffee all over himself and had to ask his assistant to get another one. He was currently sitting in his office, staring at the framed picture in front of him.

It was a picture of him and Steve when they were younger. He still could not believe that Steve had been gone for 6 months. It felt like yesterday to him how he’d called Steve nearly every evening to talk to him about his boring day.

The only thing he was looking forward today was that he was finally going to see Sam again. Thinking about the dark-haired man made him smile. The last time Sam had visited had been kind of weird. That one morning, they’d woken up all cuddly and Bucky had nearly kissed Sam. Thank God, he’d caught himself in the last moment. Sam would have probably thought Bucky was a horrible friend, and Bucky refused to lose his newest friend to something as stupid as a little crush.

He probably felt like that because the last time he’d had sex had been back when Steve had still been alive. Yeah, that was the most reasonable explanation as to why he could not stop thinking about Sam’s lips and his toned arms. He quickly looked back at the file in front of him. It was a case about a holding company that was trying to sell one of their firms they owned. It was boring, to say the least. He tried to get it done as quickly as possible.

Finally, a few hours later, Bucky was able to close the file. He looked at his clock; it was 20 past 7pm already. His eyes widened. He was supposed to meet up with Sam at 7pm at his flat. He pulled out his phone and noticed that he had a missed call from Sam and a few text messages.

Barnes, you there?

Buckyyy

Where are you, man?

Okay, I am just going to let myself in, I know where your spare key is 😊.

Sam had added a bunch of random emojis, and Bucky smiled. Of course, he knew where Bucky’s spare key was.

Bucky packed up his things, bid goodbye to the colleagues who were still in the building and made his way home. He was pretty sure Sam was comfortable enough in the flat to entertain himself, so Bucky ended up picking some food on the way. Thai. It was Steve’s favorite food.

As he opened his apartment door, his hands full of takeaway boxes, he could already hear the TV. Once he entered the living room, he could see Sam lying on his couch. Alpine was sitting on his lap and Sam was cuddling her. It was adorable.

“Hello, person who does not live in my home,” Bucky said and walked over to place the food on his couch table.

“Well, I decided I do now.”, Sam exclaimed. “Your cat likes me better anyways. Isn’t that right, Alpine?”

The cat snuggled closer to Sam.

“Traitor,” Bucky whispered. But he was glad that Sam liked her as much as he himself did. They were a package deal.

“What is that?” Sam pointed to the food boxes.

“Food, duh. Thai. It was Steve’s favorite,” Bucky said. After mentioning Steve’s name, he noticed how Sam tensed up. Bucky decided not to comment on it; instead, he sat down next to Sam and started opening the food boxes.

“Fuck,” Sam whispered and ran his hands over his face. “I can’t believe it’s been 6 months already. How has he been dead for 6 months? I feel like it was yesterday that I talked to him, we were planning a trip to California this summer. We wanted to take my nephews to Disneyland. There were so excited and devastated when I told them we could not go anymore and cried when I told them why.”

Bucky felt his heart aching. He knew Sam had nephews.

“I’m sorry, Sam,” Bucky said and put his hand on Sam’s shoulder, squeezing it in reassurance.

“I still cannot process that he really is gone. Some days I forget that he is dead, just for a short moment, and then reality hits and I feel like I just want to fold myself into a corner and cry. He was my best friend.” Bucky looked down and noticed that Sam had started to sniff.

“You know, I still get nightmares about the day you called me,” Sam admitted.

Bucky saw a single tear roll down Sam’s face and he quickly wiped it away with his sleeve. The man next to him looked so small and vulnerable. Bucky wanted to hug him so badly.

“I always wonder what would have happened if I had been with him. I should have made sure he’d take his inhaler with him. God, I am so sorry, Bucky,” he started to sob.

Bucky froze. It was the first time Sam cried in front of him. He felt helpless, the only thing that he could do was try to comfort him.

“It’s okay, Sam. It was not your fault. Steve was an adult, he should have known better than to not carry his inhaler with him, even if he hadn’t had an asthma attack in more than 10 years,” Bucky tried to calm him down, but that made Sam even more upset.

“I was supposed to look after him, you trusted me to look after him-“Sam was starting to hyperventilate.

“You did, Sam. You did. It was not your fault, and it wasn’t mine either. It was just a stupid, terrible thing to happen, but it wasn’t anyone’s fault. Please stop trying to blame yourself for his death,” Bucky shouted. Apparently, this was the only way Sam understood he was not responsible for what had happened to Steve.

Sam stared at him, not being used to Bucky raising his voice.

“I’m serious, Sam,” Bucky said again.

“You are way too good; do you know that Bucky?” Sam said with a weird mixture of laughing and crying. “God, I still miss him so much.”

“I miss him too, Sam, but Steve would have wanted you to move on with your life. He would have wanted us to live the best life we could possibly have. And I know that sounds harsh but please don’t blame yourself.” Bucky wasn’t sure if his words were what Sam wanted to hear. He would either think that Bucky was a total asshole for thinking that he should move on this quickly after his boyfriend died or he would agree with him.

“Yeah, you are right. He would have wanted me to move on. He would have wanted that for you as well, Bucky,” Sam answered quietly, and the next thing Bucky knew he was pressing his lips against Sam’s.

+ 1

Sam felt Bucky’s lips pressing against his own. At first, he was shocked that Bucky really was kissing him but after a few seconds he returned the kiss. He pulled Bucky closer to himself and started moving his hand to the other man’s neck. Bucky groaned and started to move closer to Sam.

It was everything Sam had dreamed about for the last couple of months and if Bucky was ready to move on from Steve, Sam was ready for that as well. They continued to kiss for a while, none of them saying a word. The sound of them kissing was the only one heard in the apartment. Sam was already starting to slip his hand under Bucky’s t-shirt when Bucky suddenly pulled away from him.

“No, no, no-,” he exclaimed and looked at Sam, both their lips slightly swollen from their kissing.

“This is wrong,” Bucky whined.

Sam could almost hear the crack his heart made the second Bucky stopped their kiss. Of course, he thought it was wrong. Steve and Bucky had been together for more than 5 years or maybe even more, obviously, Bucky wouldn’t move on so quickly.

“God I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that, Sam,” Bucky looked at him with blue eyes and Sam wanted to kiss him again, so badly.

“Sorry, I just thought that… you’re right, this is not fair to Steve. God, I’m a horrible person, Steve would hate me,” Sam whispered ashamed.

“No, I’m the bad friend. I kissed you. I kissed my dead best friend’s boyfriend. I’m pretty sure they have a special place in hell for people like me,” Bucky let out a groan.

Sam looked at him confused. What the hell was he talking about?

“I was his what now?” he asked and stared at Bucky.

“Boyfriend, partner, significant other, I don’t know what you called each other, but I’m pretty sure that if there was one rule for friendship it’s that you don’t make a move on your friends’ partners,” Bucky gestured between Sam and him.

“This shouldn’t have happened,” he was out of breath and pushed his hair out his face. His cheeks were starting to get redder.

“No,” was the only thing Sam said at first. “You’re his boyfriend”, he continued and pointed at Bucky.

“Huh?” Bucky replied, still confused.

“No, you are. He always talked about you and he visited you nearly every week and-,” Sam was starting to ramble, but Bucky interrupted him.

“You two were living together?! I thought you were his boyfriend, what was I supposed to think? I didn’t assume two grown men would be living together as roommates,” he exclaimed.

“Hey,” Sam felt offended.

Bucky quickly noticed the way Sam looked at him. “No, that’s not what I meant. It’s just…I thought you were his boyfriend.”

“No, I’m his best friend,” Sam answered, this time a bit louder. What the hell was going on?

“No, I’m his best friend,” Bucky mumbled, still trying to process what had happened in the last few moments.

“Wait. So you’re not in a relationship with Steven Grant Rogers, and you never were?” Sam asked slowly.

“No,” Bucky answered, though it sounded more like a question. “I mean we used to when we were teenagers, but that’s nearly a decade ago.”

“And you’re not in a relationship with Steve either, right?” Bucky added and looked into Sam’s eyes.

“Nope, and I never was.”

There was an awkward silence between them until Bucky asked Sam, “So, the last few months you thought I was grieving my boyfriend, while I thought you were grieving your boyfriend?”

It was the thing that made Sam crack. He started to laugh. Loudly. He even started wheezing, tears forming in his eyes.

“I cannot believe this. That little shit,” Sam cried out. “He never corrected me when I referred to you as his boyfriend. He knew exactly what he was doing.”

Finally, Bucky busted out laughing as well. “We’re so stupid. We could have just asked each other but instead we just assumed that the other was the grieving widower.”

Sam could feel the way Bucky was staring at him, trying to figure out what to say next. Sam, on the other hand, knew already what he was going to do next. He got closer to Bucky and kissed him again.

This time Bucky didn’t hesitate and pushed himself against Sam. “You know,” he mumbled between kisses, “We could have done that way earlier.” The complaint was evident in his tone.

“Better late than never,” was the only thing Sam answered before he kissed Bucky once more.

And somewhere out there, Steve was looking at them, smiling to himself and thinking how much of an idiot both of his best friends were.

Feel free to leave any comments or any suggestions for improvement!

Thank you so much for reading my first ever English written One Shot! I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. I'm really looking forward to writing more Marvel fanfiction, especially Stucky and Sambucky.

much love, your local stucky shipper xx

***

#angst with a happy ending #angst #major character death #grief #miscommunication #misunderstandings #sambucky #mutual pining #fluff #happy ending #steve rogers #fatws bucky #bucky barnes #samwilson #captain america #thefalconandthewintersoldier #tfatws

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vidavalor · 4 years ago

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SamBucky opinions & things...

I’m not going to say who people should ship as it’s everyone’s own opinions and it’s a tv show/film series so it’s not like this is the most important thing on the planet... That said, I’ve seen a few posts from Stucky people who say they actively want to understand what SamBucky shippers see in the pairing and since I’m gone on these two, here are some thoughts...

If you take a long view-- which the MCU is having you do now because these characters are outlasting Steve Rogers in its canon-- Steve & Bucky, while fun to play with and full of a lot of really great yearning/angsty possibilities back in the day, are really just the formative chapters of Sam & Bucky’s romance. If we got more Sam flashbacks in the story-- and I really hope we do in his canon in the wake of the end of TFATWS (S1?)/CA4-- a Sam & Riley story would be the equivalent to The First Avenger, in terms of it sets up some backstory that leads to where the story is going, as opposed to is the entire story itself.

A main factor for me in liking Sam & Bucky over Bucky & Steve is that Sam is a healthy, mature choice for Bucky-- a guy who has gone through a hell of a lot here and deserves all the good things-- whereas Steve, while not a bad man, is a regressive choice. It stems from the fact that Steve was never really comfortable with Bucky’s sexuality-- at least not when it mattered-- and that’s because Steve was not comfortable with his own... or much of anything about himself. This still wouldn’t matter so much in terms of who to ship Bucky with if it weren’t also for the fact that Bucky is perfect *for Sam*, who should get all the good things, and we’ll get into that a bit more below. Have to do Steve & Bucky first because chronology and also because that’s the other ship in question here, really. (Sorry, SteveSam people like if you are asking for stuff too and anyone cares, I don’t think I have enough for a whole meta post on why it’s kinda blah, if full of cute friendship moments, but I touch on it a bit further below.)

The entire plot of The First Avenger is about how Steve is obsessed with being Mr. America 1940-- and how he gets to that point is understandable. He was born with a ton of heart, a truly good man, but he’s small and sickly and he doesn’t love himself. He lacks confidence in himself because he holds himself up to a standard of masculinity put forth by a country on the brink of war-- and then, at war-- as physically strong and very, very straight.

While Steve is desperate to change how he looks, Bucky hides behind how he looks. Steve might look at Bucky and see a lot of what he wishes he was-- the good-looking soldier with a dame on each arm-- but at some point, he becomes aware of how Bucky is playacting. He’s not as he appears to be. He’s a man trying to survive a world that does not accept him and working to pass in that society, all the while with an eye to the World of Tomorrow. Not just the technology that grips his imagination but the idea that things could improve, things could change and he’ll fight for America because he, like Steve and later, Sam, believes in it but while Steve worships it, Bucky can love it while looking at it critically. It’s not built for men like him.

Steve never fully understands this because while Bucky is trying to show him some of the World of Tomorrow, he’s off making plans to get injected with super serum to fill in the gaps of what he feels he needs to become the man he is supposed to be.

The key difference between them is that Steve will do anything to be that man-- and that includes shoving any potential feelings he has for Bucky so deep that he won’t even acknowledge them (if he has them at all). Bucky, on the other hand, even in 1940, had more strength. He wasn’t as tormented by who he was. I’m sure he had some of it at some point but by the time we meet him in the movies, he’s fine with who he is, even if the country he serves and the society in which he lives is not. He could basically give af. He doesn’t think in the ‘40s that he’s going to live to see an America that will ever really accept him and he fights for it anyway because Mr. America is really, fundamentally, more Captain America than The OG Captain America.

Steve is not a bad man by any stretch of the imagination but it’s clear that, at some point, he began to understand that Bucky liked men and while he didn’t do anything horrible about it-- like have Bucky arrested or told anyone else, both of which could have destroyed Bucky’s life at that time-- he never completely approved of it, either. Guaranteed he told Bucky more than once that if he just stopped, if he just found the right woman, etc-- he didn’t mean any harm with it but he was happy to think the way of his era, whereas Bucky was born ahead of his time. Still, Steve is probably the only person that Bucky knew then who knew his secret and that he protected it earned even more of Bucky’s loyalty and devotion.

Now, consider what happened when Steve Rogers was pulled out of the ice and found himself living in the literal World of Tomorrow. It’s imperfect, for sure. It’s overwhelming for him, especially at first, but it’s a world that he has to feel the wrong guy from the ‘40s has lived to see. How many times did Steve wish Bucky could see this world? How much was he thinking of Bucky when he met the literal son of the creator of the World of Tomorrow in Tony Stark-- a man who would challenge everything Steve thought was true about what it was to be a man? How guilty did Steve feel when he would sometimes get a little closer to being more open about himself in this world of Tony’s, when he’d think of how there had been a man who loved him in their own time, who was his best friend and gave him an unconditional love, even when Steve didn’t love himself, and how Steve just couldn’t love him like that in return?

Then, Steve’s journey results in him meeting Sam Wilson. They have some things in common-- they both know war and what it’s like to feel like like they might sink to the floor through a mattress. They both know the solitude of the floor and have not seem to have figured out a way beyond that. They both are runners-- literally and figuratively-- as they try to outrun the men from their pasts that they left behind... the fellow soldiers that didn’t make it home and died before their eyes. Sam is a good listener and Steve is Captain America-- they are able to help one another. Steve needs some counseling and Sam needs to feel a connection to the country he’s feeling has left him behind but that he loves. So, naturally, this is of course when Bucky resurfaces in the story.

The Winter Soldier’s existence breaks Steve in half because, for the first time, Bucky isn’t the strong one of the two of them. Bucky is in trouble and Steve never saved him. Have you all considered that The Howlies should have known Bucky was missing because back then, you left no man behind and they should have hiked down the hill for his body? If it wasn’t there, they should have realized he was *missing* and not *dead*? But they never did. Because, as crushed as he was by the loss of his closest friend, some dark part of Steve let Bucky be dead from that fall and couldn’t face seeing it for real because he couldn’t look at the unseeing, dead eyes of the man who loved him and accepted him, even when Steve was unable to give Bucky the latter in return. It was guilt and then that guilt pops up right as Steve is in conflict with Tony and has just met Sam not that long before-- these relationships with men in the modern era that challenge Steve to be a better version of who he was and who pops up but Steve’s living, breathing, prowling, raging guilt in human form.

And, man, is it ever causing some serious havoc...

So, why is Sam ultimately better? The guy who advised Steve that sometimes you couldn’t save them all and Bucky might be gone now and just needed to be stopped?

Steve couldn’t give up on Bucky because he felt he owed him. He had been on his own journey and realized a lot about how he used to think and act and here was Bucky again and a chance to make it up to him in some way. What’s of note, though? Steve does not act like someone who got a long-lost love back. He’s still running for Peggy the moment he has a chance. He’s still not capable of looking at Bucky as anything beyond his oldest, closest friend. What he wants for Bucky, though, is the World of Tomorrow.

Suddenly, there’s a chance to give to Bucky the thing he’s been thinking all the time since he woke up-- that this is a world for Bucky Barnes. Steve, out of his sense of loyalty and his decades-long guilt, moves heaven and earth to give Bucky that chance and is grateful when T’Challa will help to bring Bucky back. The irony of all of this is that Bucky Barnes, the man who used to hide his true self beneath an exterior identity, is now a man completely trapped beneath The Winter Soldier and when Steve sees a glimmer of that, he *has* to save Bucky.

What Sam learns along the way is that he and Steve have some things in common, sure, but he has more in common with Bucky Barnes. Sam is a man who understands what it is to have PTSD and the struggle to overcome it. He used to think he was the Steve of this story-- the one who watched his old soldier friend fall to his death-- but he has quickly realized he’s actually the Bucky... the guy who loved a man who couldn’t love him back and who was lost to him, leaving him spinning. Sam knows what it is to have to act in a different way to try to be accepted by a society that doesn’t have your back, even if you love the country with your whole heart anyway. He knows what it’s like to be a veteran who was left behind and forgotten about, discounted and forced to find his own way. For sure, Bucky has enjoyed more privileges in his day (pre-Winter Soldier) by virtue of being white than Sam has but neither of them are ever going to be what Steve Rogers wanted to be. Neither of them are that outdated ideal of 1940s blue eyed blond Star-Spangled Man with a Plan kind of masculinity.

Sam is also something Steve still really isn’t, even in the modern era, which is a man who is comfortable with the fact that he is attracted to men. In this World of Steve and Bucky’s Tomorrow that is the present, that is something that is no longer needed to be kept as hidden as it once was. It is not an era of complete change, especially in places like the military and when it comes to celebrity-- the nexus of Captain America’s world, really-- but it is an absolutely revolutionary transformation from when Bucky was last in control of his mind in the 1940s.

Sam is a quieter guy, even if he’s cheerful and amiable on the surface. He keeps a lot to himself. He’s clearly not gotten seriously involved with anybody in awhile when we met him and hadn’t between then and TFATWS, either, despite being a smart, gorgeous, kind and empathetic Avenger. The one who has caught his eye is the once-brainwashed assassin who keeps showing up to save his life (often from an annoying teenager with webbed fingers, much to their chagrin). It’s Bucky that he’s stuck with and that’s not just because he feels like Steve would want him to. Both he and Bucky think that the other might just be caring because of Steve but they prove to one another that this isn’t the case-- that their instincts that they have something that might be independent of Steve is true. They’re both afraid. They’ve both been through a lot and do not trust easily so it’s a thrill when they realize they really can trust one another-- and that they actually do *see* one another there. They don’t just see Steve’s shadow. They understand what the other needs and get better at it the longer they are together because they are fundamentally more alike and better suited than either of them are with Steve.

TFATWS has Bucky telling Sam that he and Steve talked about giving Sam the shield and since Steve’s shield in the present was broken in the battle with Thanos in Endgame, it means that Bucky knew the plan in its entirety (which goes along with how he doesn’t seem surprised by it in Endgame as well.) It means Bucky knew that Steve was going to go back to the time they were from and find Peggy after he put the stones back and have that dance. It means that Bucky standing there while Sam spoke with Steve knew he would see Old Steve that day, knew the whole thing. Steve, being the fundamentally decent man he is, had to have offered for Bucky to come with him. He probably really wished he would because he would love to have his friend back then with him for the rest of their lives. It would be a way to do it all over-- to go back to where they began and this time, Steve would try to be more supportive. You know he would have tried to be different, even if he couldn’t feel any thing different than what he did. But Bucky...?

Bucky had to see a life of more hell in that. What was the plan there for him? He goes back with Steve, they put the stones away, they find Peggy and then what? The rest of Bucky’s life is him married to some friend of Peggy’s they set him up with? Stolen moments with some man, if he was lucky enough to meet one? A family made not from love-- not the kind of love, anyway, that Bucky would like to have? What was waiting for him back then? Nothing.

Because he’s been through sheer hell but, somehow, he’s been given something he never thought was possible then: the chance to not only see what the future might be like but to live in it, as a part of it.

For sure, Endgame!Bucky, who had just gotten his mind back not that long before The Snap and just came back from dust to fight a battle and go to a funeral and that’s about it, hasn’t the first clue what the first step he should take to sort himself out enough to figure out how to live again is... but even then, even in that place of nothing but vulnerability and pain, he’s hopeful. He’s strong enough to say that’s what he wants. He wants what Steve wants, in a way-- to live in the time he belongs in and be able to find a life for himself. He wants the love and the family he never got to experience and wouldn’t in the same way in the era he was born in. Staying in the present to work though his pain and figure it out-- to have that choice-- means more to Bucky than following Steve because while Bucky believes in Steve’s goodness and would follow that to the moon and back, Steve cannot give him what he once might have wanted, which is to look at him the way that Steve looks at Peggy. Bucky wants that. Steve might not understand not wanting to live in the 1940s entirely but he wants Bucky to have whatever he wants. He feels uncomfortable not being there to see it through-- hence, that kind of awkward hug before he travels back in time. There are things that Bucky wants and needs that Steve doesn’t fully appreciate but he can appreciate him needing to make the choice to live the way he wants to live and deserving the freedom to do just that.

Consider the rush for Bucky when he realizes that Steve’s snarky friend might have just looked at him when he thought he wasn’t looking, that maybe that heat between them isn’t one-sided. That they live *now* and while it’s not free of challenges, it’s paradise compared to the 1940s. That maybe, just maybe, he lived through all this hell because he’s supposed to be here now and maybe that also means he’s supposed to be with this man who not only understands him but who is everything that Bucky couldn’t have been in his day-- openly attracted to men? If you were Bucky, there’s no way you couldn’t be entertaining fantasies about being able to take Sam for a romantic walk by the water somewhere and no one calling the police if you were to kiss him at sunset...

Not to mention that if you’re Sam? Who is going to get your PTSD and understand when you get a little quiet more than the guy you met while he fell out of the sky and tried to murder you while brainwashed? Who is so annoying because he’s dryly funny and annoyingly hot and more good than anyone who has been through that amount of hell should have a right to be? Who is enough like you to be made for you but different enough that you’ll never be bored? Who makes you feel safer than you’ve ever felt-- safe enough to give over a lot of the trust you are hesitant to give much of anyone because you know he won’t abuse it? You have to be entertaining thoughts about spending a lifetime making him feel as safe and finding new ways to make him laugh...

Sam and Bucky are the ones that will protect one another’s hearts. Steve is a great guy whose arc with Bucky is about making up for hurting him and growing as a person as a result, not about Steve’s undying romantic and/or sexual love, IMO. Among other things, Sam is the first man Bucky has been able to consider building a life with and I’d wager it actually works in reverse for Sam, despite him being born much later than Bucky-- Riley could have been Sam’s lover but there is enough pining regret there that I think he saw Sam in the way that Steve saw Bucky. There’s enough there to suggest that Sam had not met someone he saw a future with until Bucky, which would also account for the occasional nervousness. They seem like opposites but, in many ways, they’re exactly alike and in the ways that they are not, they compliment one another. Sam and Bucky are each other’s chances at happiness and peace so if you’re still saying Bucky should be sobbing in Steve’s notebook waiting for him to come back from the woman he left him for... why are you wishing such hell on this poor guy? Bucky deserves the smiles and the lightness in his step and the sister and the nephews and the community cookouts and, most of all, *Sam*...

...and Sam deserves the sun, the moon and the stars and seems content having found his way to the shield and to Bucky so let them be happy for the hot minute they will be until their movie conflict. ;) Steve’s getting his dance-- Bucky and Sam deserve theirs, too.

#sambucky #stucky #captain america #bucky barnes #sam wilson #steve rogers #the falcon #tfatws #thewintersoldier #thewhitewolf #marvel #mcu

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whateverthedragonswant · 4 years ago

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Did Dean love Cas back? If so, did Cas know he was loved back?

This is my personal take on the story they’ve been presenting/telling for several seasons for these two characters. I can’t speak for the show, the writers, the actors, etc, obviously but as a viewer/the audience, this is what I saw being presented. Season 15 made me sit up and take notice and a rewatch before the last 7 episodes aired and then a rewatch after 15x18 ended, definitely helped to clarify what I was seeing a little more.

Just fyi, this is going to get a bit wordy.

So I know a lot of people have been asking these two questions since 15x20 finished airing and even for a minute, I asked myself because I wasn’t entirely sure, maybe I had been keeping the shipping goggles on during this last season, had too high hopes for Dean, wanted Dean, Cas, Sam, Eileen & Jack to drive off into the sunset together, or something. Maybe I was seeing something that simply wasn’t there (meaning the setup of Destiel, Saileen, Dean’s side of things, hell even Dean’s ending for himself). I mean, look at what happened with GoT (which we now know was due to crappy writing & those two chuckleheads with Star Wars in their eyes & their heads barely fitting through the door of the Microsoft Theater), we followed all of the clues, all of the breadcrumbs, and then poof! Arcs, nuked character & story arcs everywhere!

So, I thought maybe I had gotten it wrong with SPN this whole time. Or that maybe I had read too much into it a la GoT style. Or something. The anti-Destiel, anti-Dean, and anti-found family fandom discourse at the time certainly added to my doubt. But then as I went back to look over some of these scenes during the rewatches, I realized like a lot of others have, the answers really have been there all along.

#1) Did Dean love Cas back?: short answer? yes.

Long answer? Looking at the story they’ve set up since season 8...

(for me personally, as a viewer, this was where I noticed a shift, they had moments from seasons 5-7 sure [I’ll still list some below, particularly season 6], and I’m not taking away from season 4 but for me, season 8 is where it becomes apparent that something is definitely different - which is interesting because I believe Jeremy Carver took over as showrunner at this point and he said something to the effect of that he wanted to dig deeper into the emotions of the characters because in the previous season the show had become buried under the lore a bit, the same Jeremy Carver who told Misha to act like a “jilted lover” in 9x06, just saying)

...the acting, the editing choices (including the music swells/choices)...absolutely. Regardless of how things happened in the finale, after Cas’ confession and that story line is dropped and there’s no resolution or follow through for Cas or Dean, it doesn’t negate the story they were telling from season 8 to season 15, not at all. Especially in season 15. Literally from the first episode of season 15, they turned the front burner on the Destiel stove up to ultra high and moved the DeanCas pot from the back burner right to that front one, and then set Sam and Eileen up on the next burner once she made a reappearance because not only were they working towards Sam’s ending/endgame but also showing the parallels between the brothers’ two love interests and possible endings/endgames. If you don’t believe me, that’s fine, don’t just take my word for it, go back to and take a look at:

15x10 where Dean sees Garth living out his life, getting the happy ending, and his “I always thought I could be a good dancer” when seeing Garth and Bess dance through the window - which is also interesting considering what he told Garth in 9x12 about holding onto what made him happy, no matter what it looked like, and he sees in 15x10 that Garth took his advice and what it indeed looks like

15x08 where Dean talks to Sam about Eileen - Dean tells him if Sam was ever to settle down with someone and do the family thing that Eileen would be the best candidate, saying she gets him, she gets the two of them, she gets the hunting life - notice Dean’s line of “Look, man, I didn’t want to say anything because I’ve kind of been in a bad place and I didn’t want to jinx it or whatever” -- bad place? ah, Chuck is abound (bringing it back to the whole “real” theme/question) & he and Cas are not getting along, after Cas left in 15x03, saying it was time to move on & Dean didn’t stop him after saying some hurtful shit which you know he regrets the minute he says it (you see it right in the scene) - in 15x07, he notices that Sam & Eileen are chummy and having fun so is this the moment he’s in a bad place that he’s referring to? Considering his and Sam’s conversation in the hallway after Dean leaves the kitchen? And what was missing in 15x07? Cas (until he comes back while Dean is on a hunt) & it only took 1 episode for Dean to be out of his bad place enough that he doesn’t feel like he can jinx it anymore if he says something - he & Cas haven’t resolved things yet but Cas is back...yep

15x02/15x09 - Look at the parallel’ed conversation about what’s real & the assurances that they are/it is (15x02 for Dean & Cas, 15x09 for Sam & Eileen)

15x09 - Look at the framing in the shot in 15x09 in the first vision from the future that Chuck shows Sam - Sam and Eileen are seated in the library, doing research & being a little flirty - Cas brings in beers, Dean comes over to grab one & suggests a movie night, Eileen says she’ll make the popcorn - look at the wide shot of the four of them: Dean and Cas are standing next to each other in between Sam and Eileen who are mirroring each other’s positions while facing each other, Dean and Cas are facing forward/them but not facing each other because think of it this way, that’s where they’re headed right? supposedly? if they had defeated Chuck this way, there would have been no hiccup in the development of Sam and Eileen’s relationship moving forward (it still progressed regardless but Eileen might not have left due to what happens in this episode when Sam gives up their only weapon against Chuck), & Dean and Cas would not have had the conversation they did in 15x18 so there would be no “I love you” yet, both of these two clueless idiots would still be having feelings but not confirming them to each other - plus in this scene, Cas brings the beer & Eileen is making the popcorn...need I say more? Hell, if you want you can even go down the rabbit hole to see that as symbolism for Cas & Eileen bringing nourishment/something Dean & Sam need to the brothers’ lives and the result is this domesticity/life - hey, I’ve been down that hole, it was long, I’m back out again thankfully so I can get back to the main points of this post but if you want to go down it yourself, I”ll be more than happy to point you in its direction (if you do, you will never look at beer and popcorn the same way again when in the same room, I promise you that)

15x17 - when Sam is trying to talk Dean down, he says if Billie becomes the new God, then everyone will go back to where they belong, he mentions Eileen and Dean immediately turns to look at Cas, who looks up at him, before looking back at Sam

15x18 - Sam loses Eileen and is devastated but forces himself to focus on the other hunters & what’s happening, Dean loses Cas and is devastated but by 15x19 he forces himself to deal with the Chuck situation along with Sam & Jack - both Winchesters agree to give Chuck his ending if he’ll bring everyone back which he then of course turns down because he wants them to suffer

Dean loves Cas and at this point, in season 15, it’s more than brotherly or friendship or the love you have for the man in the trenches next to you. Those scenes in that last season were not meant to be read as two brothers fighting or even two best friends having a falling out, or a disagreement on how to execute a battle plan. How any GA missed it when they literally brought the story line to the forefront in 15 until it was so much up in their faces in 15x18 with Cas’ confession, and how some can still deny that “I love you’ as romantic (especially after being confirmed by Misha that it was), I’m not quite sure, but it was there all along. Same goes for Dean’s side of things and this is why:

If you notice, some common themes seem to come up during arguments between Dean & Cas that tend to reveal/get to the heart of what Dean is really angry at:

Trust - Dean is hurt when Cas doesn’t trust him - example: argument in 8x22 - “Because you didn’t trust me. You didn’t trust me?”; “You gotta trust me, man” in 6x20 and his surprise & hurt when Cas says “or what?” indicating that he’s not going to stop working with Crowley on their plan even though Dean is asking him to

Cas putting himself or any of them in danger - argument in 8x07 “Why didn’t you wait for me?”; when Cas kills Billie in 12x09, he’s angry at Cas in 12x10 and it’s because he’s worried about the “cosmic consequences” not because he actually feels that Cas is “stupid” or hating on Cas or was ungrateful that he saved them - he proves this again when Cas asks Jack to kill him temporarily in 15x13 so he can go to The Empty to talk to Ruby, telling Cas “you’re an idiot by the way” (also notice Dean’s pointed glare at Cas after he says this) - “Am I still an idiot?” “Well, yeah” because Cas put himself in danger yet again & Dean is not backing down on it though he now sees that Cas actually made a smart move & got the info they needed but it was too risky (plus and this could just be me but I also read it as Dean not wanting to go back to how things were between them after 15x03); Dean’s reaction to Cas killing Bel in 15x03, yes there’s an undercurrent of anger for Mary’s death from season 14 & finding out about Chuck manipulating everything but once again, Dean goes right to the heart of what he’s really angry with, Sam is hurting because he had to kill Rowena and once again, he feels that Cas made a decision that put all of them in danger and cost Rowena her life which then ended up hurting Sam; in 13x19 when Cas wants to go see the angels to see if they know where Gabriel is, Dean is against it at first but then relents and tells Cas “just don’t get dead again” & the way he says it, he means business

When Cas goes AWOL/ignores prayers and/or messages - so many times this has come up I can’t even keep count (in this post anyway) but I’ll give one good solid example: 8x22 - during that argument (which just a note, Dean’s whole “for what?” after Cas says “I’m sorry”, I know Dean wants him to realize what he did, maybe thinks he doesn’t really get why he should be sorry, but that’s such a line to use and the way he asks it, how could anyone not get a romantic read on Dean’s side of the convo in that one, idk if they planned that but hell yeah does it come across as a couple arguing, one spouse making the other practically grovel for forgiveness, then it’s followed up later by a scene of Cas shopping for supplies, goes so far as to buy Dean a porno mag [Dean’s version of flowers I guess], and then of course the pie showdown with the store clerk before Metatron interrupts - things that Dean likes - romantic read, I’m telling you)

Betrayal (being used) - Cas using their conversation in 6x20 to steal a hunter’s journal from Bobby’s house (I’m not saying it’s the only reason Cas talked to Dean but I’m looking at it from Dean’s side atm); Cas using the mix tape and conversation with Dean in 12x19 to steal the Colt to kill Dagon

This isn’t a theme but Dean tends to either yell, say hurtful shit, or give the silent treatment, which we know is par for the course with him as a character, and even though he and Sam do go through this cycle in their own arguments, in later seasons the silent treatment speaks louder for the arguments between Cas and Dean and is more emphasized (usually with Sam in the middle)

Not to mention Dean has been trying to share himself with Cas now for a while:

Mixtape from 12x19 - title says “Dean’s top 13 Zepp traxx”, not “Zepp’s top 13 tracks of all time”, not “Best of Led Zeppelin”, not “Mothership”, not “top 13 Zepp traxx” but “Dean’s top 13 Zepp traxx” - they are his 13 top favorite Zeppelin songs and he made the tape for Cas to listen to which is confirmed by him stating “it’s a gift, you keep those” when handing it back to Cas

Sharing movies he likes with Cas - mentions “Tombstone” in 13x06 that he made him watch, and it’s a western, something we get another confirmation for in this episode about how much Dean loves cowboys and the wild west, even in dialogue - this is Dean sharing a part of himself twofold

Trying to teach him how to pickup women/dating advice - 12x12 “no this is good, we’ve been looking for teachable moments”; 9x03 “you had sex with April? Did you have protection?” “Cas gave it up to a reaper” (you may think, well how does that prove that Dean loves Cas, it still does, have you never seen a rom-com where one of the leads tries to hook up their best friend or other lead with other people & only realizes later they love them or is already in love with them but are convinced they can never be with them or best friend doesn’t see them that way or it’ll ruin their friendship? it’s a common trope/theme)

Talking to Cas about Mary when she returns and he doesn’t know how to speak to her (something that can also be discussed with a close friend, a brother, but knowing Dean as we do who doesn’t like to discuss his feelings all that much and how sacred the idea of Mary is to him before he really gets to know her, this is a big one)

The fact that Dean prays to him at all - another vulnerability that Dean is not a fan of in nature, but he does - at first, it was done to either signal to Cas about something happening or for certain uses/advantages/plans or asking for assistance, in later seasons (since season 8) it has become more of an emotional connection for Dean, a plea for where Cas might be, etc. It deepened after their time in Purgatory where Dean confirmed in dialogue that he prayed to Cas every night. He still does signal to Cas for things (like when Jack died in season 14) and asks for assistance (when Sam was dying in season 9), but overall there is more of a connection there, and we get to see it in real time with Dean’s prayer scene in 15x09 - also notice Dean’s prayer to Chuck in 13x01 was about Cas and those he and Sam lost, again involving Cas - prayer is specifically for Cas in the later seasons (the only other person they pray to is Jack and that’s mostly, if not all, Sam)

And need I really point out Dean’s whole grieving arc after Cas died from 13x01-13x05 and his sudden shift in mood in 13x06 when Cas is back?

I have a whole list of moments that showcase Dean having feelings for Cas thanks to this crack project I’m working on. I’ll share that list in an upcoming post for anyone who wants to take a look at those scenes and get their own read on them. I get it, the show’s over, it doesn’t change anything, but at the same time, I think it’s interesting to go back and watch the story they were trying to tell before it all went to crap in the end. Yes, peeps, we’re not crazy. It was all there, for both Cas and Dean.

#2) Did Cas know he was loved?: short answer? yes.

Long answer? I know a lot of people think Cas never knew how Dean felt about him or that he was loved back because it was never explicitly stated by Dean. I disagree, though. I know Cas deserved an explicit “I love you”, absolutely, especially after all that character has been through and all he has sacrificed, but he knew Dean loved him. He really did. I think Cas had accepted (or thought this was an inevitable truth at the time) that they would never become an actual item. Even though he wanted it, like he says in 15x18 “it’s something that I know I can never have”, he didn’t think it was actually something that would happen, whatever the reason. But saying that, I do not think it was the reason of Dean not loving him back or him not knowing how much Dean cared about him. And once again, looking at the story, the acting, the editing, and the dialogue leaves me without any doubt that Cas knew how important he was to Dean and not just as a brother or friend or comrade or fellow soldier.

A great example is the “breakup scene” in 15x03 - the moment where Cas tells Dean “I think it’s time for me to move on” and looks back at Dean, almost hopeful Dean will stop him (which we know Dean doesn’t), before turning around and leaving. When they argue about this in Purgatory in 15x09, Cas tells Dean “but you didn’t stop me”. While it brings each of their issues to the forefront (Cas’ needing to be wanted for other than being useful and to stay, and Dean’s wanting him to stay and stop leaving them all of the time), let’s not forget how well Cas knows Dean. Not just from his words to Dean in 15x18 (though that showcases just how much he has been attuned to the inner workings of Dean Winchester for years now, which Cas even knowing where his knife was before that scene was reiterating that fact on a basic level), but also confirmed by dialogue throughout the seasons. On an emotional, spiritual and now even physical level. He has seen Dean’s reactions every time he has gotten angry with Cas, every time Cas has died. He knows. But he’s not going to push something on Dean that he’s not sure that Dean might not even know he wants, and he’s not going to give him an ultimatum (’if you don’t buck up and tell me how you really feel right now, i’m leaving you for good’). Not only would doing that be completely out of character for Cas, but that’s a surefire way for Dean to run in the other direction, his name changing to Denial Winchester forevermore. Cas’ love for Dean is unconditional and he loves him without fail, even when he’s angry or upset with Dean or hurt by him, and everything is about Dean. He sees how much his betrayals (or what is seen as a betrayal by Dean) hurts Dean. Cas isn’t stupid, he’s a tactician who has commanded a garrison of angels to fight heavenly battles. He knows, trust me.

And for those who might say “Oh really, just how well does Cas know Dean?” Besides the obvious, let’s take a look:

Dean always talks about wins, how he needs them, how important they are to him - Cas: “I just wanted to come back with a win for you”

Cas knows how much Dean hates himself, how little he thinks of himself, even before 15x18 - Dean: “That’s the opposite of what I do but I’m not exactly a role model, you know?” Cas: “That’s not true” Dean looks at him as if he’s serious, realizes he is, rolls his eyes as he takes a bite and huffs out a laugh “yeah” because he knows better (but we & Cas all know who the real Dean is & we know better) -- even then he knew and was trying to counteract this damaging view Dean had of himself in just these small words

Cas: “Not everything is your responsibility” when Dean and he are arguing by the car after saving Kevin & Dean says he failed him - he could have easily said “no you didn’t” but instead he says the line above - we as the audience know Dean takes everything onto himself, even when it’s not his fault, even when there was nothing he could have done to prevent it, because this sadly is how he was conditioned (all of the middle fingers in the world for John Winchester, btw)

Cas: “You needed to remember it differently” - same conversation by the car, this is after Cas shows Dean what really happened in Purgatory - that’s a powerful statement - while it’s true, that’s one hell of an assumption, how did he know that Dean wasn’t referring to Cas letting go purposely and Dean still feels like he failed him since Cas didn’t want to come back? Simple, he knows Dean and that’s why he immediately sets his memory of that moment straight and ends it with “you can’t save everyone, my friend. Though you try” because he knows how Dean takes things on himself like mentioned above and how he couldn’t cope with failing Cas or failure in general so in his mind, Dean saw it as he and Cas getting separated rather than Cas pulling away

The moment Cas sets Dean straight on - Cas literally climbs up that slope with him, crawls right up to the portal, and grasps Dean’s hand once he’s inside the portal - at first, I was like “wait, I get that he was trying to keep Dean safe, that he couldn’t tell Dean he was going to stay, but why grasp his hand? Isn’t that more cruel to do to Dean when he finally yanks away?” and then it made sense, because Cas knew if he didn’t do that, Dean may have possibly stepped out of the portal to grab him/pull him in and he didn’t want that, he wanted Dean to get out of there, even down to grasping his hand before pushing it away and you see Dean is stunned, then the portal closes and takes Dean with it - he knew he had to go right up to the end to keep Dean in that portal, to make sure he got through (plus I think he just wanted to hold Dean’s hand one last time, I kid but you know you were thinking it, too)

There’s more moments but I’ll keep this short (you know, 3 pages instead of 30)

I might have missed a few things where maybe Misha talked about the confession scene differently, but as far as I know he talked about Cas’ words leading to saving the world (which he’s right about, it wasn’t just Cas’ words to Dean, go back and look at his goodbye dialogue with Jack in 15x18, with Sam in 15x17, his words literally set all three of them up in position to defeat Chuck) & that Dean was never supposed to respond right then, that it was too fast for Dean to process. That’s true and it also helps the show hit its aim with it’s open-ended ambiguous ending for Cas and the question his confession poses: does Dean love him back? They were able to explicitly confirm Cas’ side of things, the story they’ve been telling for him for seasons now, but do it in a way that it is turned into a final act of unconditional love for Dean, be a noble sacrifice, help Dean reach self-acceptance in time for the moment with Chuck in 15x19, help Sam & Jack, and done under circumstances that didn’t allow for Dean to fully process the enormity of what was being said to him or what he was being presented with. (I know there is a lot wrong with the way they did this due to the ending that happened but I’m talking purely story wise here for this post) But if you go back and look at the story throughout the seasons, it’s all right there. It may not be overt in that Dean never says the actual words to Cas “I love you” or that they ever got together but it’s all there.

As for the writers, TPTB, the cast...obviously, I can’t tell you what they really planned but watching Dean’s reactions, the way certain scenes read (especially in season 15), the framing, the editing choices, etc. - the story they’ve been telling is that Cas is in love with Dean and has been for some time, Dean has feelings for Cas but they never came to fruition (or as I prefer to say, never came up explicitly before 15x18), and Cas knew that Dean loved him. Just look at Cas’ reaction in 9x03 after he’s revived to Dean’s “Never do that again!” Sure, he’s confused due to him somehow coming back to life and not knowing how, but he sees how much it affects Dean and says “okay”. The exchange between Dean and Cas in 11x03 once Cas is freed from Rowena’s spell - I know a lot of people focus on the touching (and they should, it’s beautiful and very telling), but look at Cas’ expression as well once Dean has him sitting up. Yes, he’s weak, hurting, loves Dean here, but there’s something else there -- he knows.

It’s all right there. Dean loves Cas and Cas knew it.

#destiel #deancas #dean loves cas #cas loves dean #dean x cas #destiel meta #spn #spnposts #destielposts #metaposts

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vicarfelix · 4 years ago

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Incompetence

Felix Millstone x Fem. Reader

Warnings: Language

A/N: Not many Felix fics on here...

Word Count: 3,308

“Baby, you’re one of the damn finest captains to ever run a ship.”

“Welcome back, Captain.” ADA’s computer generated voice rang out in the entrance of The Unreliable.

The captain groaned under her breath as she closed the airlock of the ship behind her. She said a silent thank you to whoever was listening that she made it back in one piece and in relatively good health. She was a little banged up, but nothing a shot of adreno wouldn’t fix. It was her duty to save Halcyon...or at least get it going in the right direction. She knew this very well. Dr. Welles wouldn’t have woken her up from a 70 year hibernation if he didn’t think she had what it took. But this last mission had been a rough one.

Initially, she wasn’t sure if she could afford to spend time on this mission. It was out of the way and where they would have to go was deep into the Monarch wilderness. However, Nyoka had been so hesitant to ask for the captain’s help which showed her how desperate she actually was. This was even more obvious considering that Nyoka hadn’t known the captain very long to be asking for personal favors. It was important to her to visit Hayes’ grave and try to find the rest of her old hunting squad. So, the captain figured it was worth the trip. She knew how important closure could be.

The captain, Nyoka, and Ellie had hiked a ways into Monarch and into the old cave that Nyoka and her previous team had made into a base camp. Sadly, they only found the dead bodies of her beloved friends and ended up putting them to rest once the rogue mantiqueen was taken care of. It was hard on Nyoka especially, but it even got the captain thinking about the current situation. Here she was, a Hope colonist who was thrown into a space pod by some crazed scientist for all she knew with the task of saving an entire colony. She had been asleep for the last 70 years and now she was supposed to hop between planets to save them from turmoil? It was insanity. She was only human and could only handle so much. She was thankful that she had been able to assemble a team along the way.

She met Parvati first. It was just the two of them for a while. She was the first friendly face the captain had met on her journey. She saved Parvati from the destruction of Edgewater and their crooked mayor. The captain desperately needed her engineering skills as well as a sharp mind to keep the ship in order. She was nice company and always willing to lend a hand. She never let her forget how grateful she was.

Vicar Max was a challenge in the beginning. She didn’t like the fact that this esteemed priest had asked her for a favor the moment she met him. She wasn’t sure if his spiritual counseling skills would be beneficial to the team. After all, she needed a gang of intelligence and physical combat skills. Max proved himself through his computer hacking skills which wasn’t something she would’ve expected from a vicar. He grew on her quickly and she was happy to have him around.

SAM was actually the last person she recruited into your party. Honestly if she hadn’t taken the time to deeply search through the late Alex Hawthorne’s spaceship, she never would’ve noticed him. He was stashed away in one of the closets upstairs, so at first she thought he was just used for parts. Once she took the time to get him fixed, he was up and off to work. She didn’t really ask him to be a part of the crew. He sort of just got started on his own. He didn’t say much, but he was a good fighter and kept things spiffy and clean.

At the time she met Ellie, she was in desperate need of a medic. She could only do so much, so having a doctor around was helpful. Ellie had the most secretive background of everybody. She came from one of the wealthiest families in Byzantium and really could’ve had it made. The captain commended her for living the life she wanted to live, even if it meant risking having her own flesh and blood disowning her. She was often the one the captain turned to when she needed to talk, because Ellie would tell it to her straight. She never left a conversation with Ellie still wondering how to handle something.

The captain tended to think that she saved Nyoka’s life. She was a drunk living in Monarch. She had been burned one too many times by the evil things of the world. Captain never judged her for how she chose to cope with her hurt and losses. She had a fiery passion for helping others and bettering the colony. The captain admired her worth ethic. It was her family and friends above all else. She was very loyal to those she cared about. She rarely questioned her captain’s decision making and always backed her up through it all.

Then there was Felix. Oh, wow. When she first met him on Groundbreaker, it was the first time she had stopped in weeks. He had been standing near the landing pad, arguing away with one of the mardets about something sketchy he had done. She had taken the time to stop to speak to him. She immediately noted that he wasn’t shy when it came to a fight. He wasn’t shy when it came to violence. Truthfully, Felix had kind of brushed her off at first. He didn’t seem very interested in joining The Unreliable. So, she moved on.

She completed a few favors for Groundbreaker’s main engineer Junlei Tennyson. Once the business was settled there, the captain decided it was time to set flight. As she was leaving, she saw Felix standing by the entrance of The Unreliable. She was surprised to see him, considering he hadn’t seemed too impressed by her before. He complimented the ship, claiming that she needed him to join her team.

She already knew she was going to say yes. However, she wasn’t going to be seen as a pushover. Because she wasn’t. He was delighted that she had given him a chance. He read his list (literally) of reasons as to why she should hire him. She was amused by him. He interested her. So of course she hired him on the spot.

He was like a kid on Christmas when he set foot on The Unreliable. She later learned that he had never been on a real spaceship. As a matter of fact, Felix had never even left Groundbreaker before. He was born and somewhat raised on Groundbreaker, living in the Back Bays all his life. It was all he knew. He was going to see space for the first time and get to explore new planets. She was his golden ticket to a more exciting life.

It wasn’t long after Felix joined that she grew closer to him. She felt wrong for a while for being so drawn to him. She was his “boss” as he always called her as well as his captain. But at the same time, she was really just his friend that happened to be in command of the ship he now lived on. They were the only real night owls, so they spent a lot of time into the late night hours just chatting. Getting to know each other over a bottle of spectrum vodka and strengthening a personal connection. Soon enough, they were sort of the equivalent of a modern day couple.

The rest of the crew sensed that something was up, but they had yet to officially say anything. The crew didn’t mind. They all agreed that she deserved someone loyal like Felix. They knew she would never favor him over anybody else, because she was always fair.

So, here she was now. She was just plain exhausted and needed some time to wind down. She had originally planned on leaving Monarch and docking at Groundbreaker to get some drinks before turning in. However, the mission had taken longer than expected, so she decided to stay in Stellar Bay and hit up Groundbreaker in the morning to give everybody a day off. They needed it. She entered the control room to deactivate ADA:

“ADA, we’ll head for Groundbreaker in the morning. You can shut down for the night.” She ordered the PC system.

“Docked in Stellar Bay and shutting down, Captain.” She replied before her screen went black.

It was ironic that you always had to tell ADA when to turn off. She couldn’t really turn off, because then the whole ship would go dark.

The captain felt relieved to have made it back safely. For there were a few moments where she had her doubts. She left the control room and climbed the stairs. Everybody was sitting around the table, Nyoka and Ellie looking especially tired. The captain’s eyes flicked over to Felix who was fiddling with the tossball that he always kept in his pocket. He flashed his girlfriend a grin, however it faded into a sympathetic frown when he noted how drained she looked. Everybody else looked at her upon noticing her standing in front of them;

“Hey, guys. Change of plans. We’ll leave in the morning for Groundbreaker. It’s late and quite honestly, I don’t feel like traveling,” She admitted; “Take it easy tonight. Tomorrow will be our off day to piddle around Groundbreaker. Get some rest.”

Everybody agreed happily to a day off and dispersed into their respective sleeping quarters. She rubbed her eyes to keep herself from getting too tired. She still had a few things she needed to do, so she wouldn’t be turning in just yet. She made sure to turn SAM off for the evening. SAM could power down on his own, but he often had the tendency to roam the ship freely during the night. Parvati had been spooked one too many times by SAM walking into her room unannounced.

She felt a hand on her shoulder as she went to approach the stairs to go back down. She looked up to meet Nyoka’s gaze. She had a certain gleam in her eyes past the fog of sleeplessness;

“Thanks for today. I really appreciate it, Captain,” She gratefully said; “I can rest easy now knowing they’re at peace.”

“Of course, Nyoka. Anything for you,” The captain returned with a smile; “Get some sleep. ADA will wake us in the morning.”

Nyoka returned to her room and the captain went back downstairs to her room. Truthfully, she wouldn’t be able to sleep even if she didn’t have work to do. She had too much on her mind. She sat at the long desk across from the bed, thumbing through files and papers that Alex had left behind. He had left piles and piles of reports about all the planets in the colony. She could just ask ADA, but these were personal notes and maps. They were useful, but detailed. It took serious time to go through them. Soon after she had sat down, she heard a voice from behind her;

“Hey, Boss,” Felix said gently tapping on the doorway; “You got time for a nightcap?”

She turned to see him standing there with two cups wrapped in one of his hands. She felt a warmth creep over her at the sight of him. She needed someone to talk to.

“Always,” She said, accepting his request to enter. A goofy smile appeared on his face as he entered and he handed her one of the cups. She thanked him before scolding him; “I told you that you don’t have to call me Boss.”

He shrugged as he took the chair adjacent to her for himself;

“It’s got a nice ring to it. I save Captain for special occasions.” He said sipping whatever was in the cups.

Speaking of, she peered down into the ceramic mug to see a familiar purplish liquid bouncing back your reflection. She smiled softly as she raised the rim to her lips, letting the sweet liquid grace over her taste buds.

“I hope you don’t mind sharing the portion. I know we usually get our own but we’re low on purpleberry juice so I split a bottle between us.” He said sliding down into his chair slightly and entwining one of his legs with hers.

“Oh, that’s totally fine. I’ll be sure to pick some up tomorrow,” She stated, taking another sip; “How were things here today?”

Felix rolled his head from side to side in an attempt to work out any kinks. He laughed shortly;

“Ah, the usual. SAM cleaned every square inch of the ship. Parvati spent all day writing a message to Junlei. Max had his nose in a book all day,” He explained; “I, on the other hand, was actually productive.”

He reached into his pocket, pulling out a carton of cigarettes that he picked up on Scylla. They weren’t his favorite Spacer’s Choice brand of smokes, but they would do. He offered her one first, lighting it for her, and then picking one for himself. She raised a brow at his previous statement, hiding her unconvinced smirk behind the cup;

“Is that so?” She asked for elaboration.

“Yeah! I organized all my tossball cards from my favorite to least favorite. It took me almost all day!” He clamored.

She laughed heartily. Only Felix Millstone would consider that to be productive. However, considering he didn’t get into any actual trouble, she would take that any day. She watched as he brought the cigarette to his lips that were upturned into an amused smile.

“Well, I’m glad you have your priorities straight.” She said sarcastically.

His eyes brightened;

“Hey! At least I didn’t get in a fight with ADA this time. I minded my business,” He defended; “But enough about me. How did it go with Nyoka and Ellie? You ladies seemed extra worn out.”

She sighed, her smile disappearing from her face. His heart did a quick pang in his chest when he saw her demeanor change so quickly. He had wanted to go with her on Nyoka’s detour mission. The captain had told him no, considering he had just gone on the previous one. He always felt that he could save her some grief if he went along on difficult missions.

“It was long. It was hard...mentally and physically. Especially for Nyoka. She was expecting to find at least one of them alive. They were all dead.” She said recalling the overrun cave.

Felix winced at the thought. He had grown up in the Back Bays of Groundbreaker. He had seen his fair share of people get killed, but nobody he really cared about. She took a long drag of her cigarette. Letting the smoke fill her lungs completely.

“Marauders?” Felix asked referring to how they had died.

She shook her head as she released the puff from her chest through her nose.

“We don’t know for sure. We think it was mantipillars. Nyoka seemed sure that there was no way marauders could’ve found that cave.” She explained.

She had agreed with Nyoka’s theory. It had taken some serious navigation to get there and even with Nyoka’s help she still got turned around. She took another sip of her juice, hoping that maybe she’d get sleepy soon. She didn’t want to put her problems onto Felix, because that wasn’t his burden to bear. She knew that he enjoyed listening to her. He cared about her a lot and he was thrilled to hear about her thoughts...even if he didn’t get it. He was more than willing to help where he could.

“How do you feel about it? Now that you’re back and the job is done?” He questioned, leaning forward to be closer to her.

She looked down into her cup, swirling the juice around the sides and letting it splash back into the center. She didn’t want to look at him. That’s when he could really see through her. She felt so vulnerable.

“I feel lost,” She admitted; “I don’t know what I’m doing, Felix.”

He furrowed his brows, cradling his cup in both his hands with his cigarette between his index and middle finger;

“Do any of us really know what we’re doing? I thought you told us to take things step by step?” He asked.

“Well, yeah. I still believe that, but I mean me personally. I’ve been tasked with saving Halcyon from completely falling apart by some man that could be a total fraud for all I know. I feel so incompetent.” She confessed.

A blank stare crossed Felix’s face. Law bless him. He didn’t have the best range of vocabulary.

“I feel like I’m not good at anything I do.” She said defining the word she had just said.

Felix looked shocked at her words. That was crazy. She had been busting it the last several months trying to accomplish her bestowed goal. He had seen her at her best and at her worst. She took everything in stride and gave everything her best shot. She was friendly and kind to those who had good intentions and stone cold to those who took advantage of innocent people. She was a blend of warm and tough. She was the perfect person in his eyes.

“Are you kidding? [Y/N], you’re not at all incontinent.” He said using the wrong word.

She snorted at his horribly wrong use of the word. If only Felix knew what the word he had just said actually meant.

“Incompetent.” She corrected.

He chuckled. She could be such a smart ass.

“Right. Anyways, you’re great at what you do. I’ve seen it myself.” He proclaimed.

Her gaze averted downwards again, not feeling convinced.

“You’re just saying that because you like me.” She said half joking.

“Well, you’re not wrong. I do like you. A lot. But I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it.” He said truthfully; “Baby, you’re one of the damn finest captains to ever run a ship.”

She finally looked at him, taking the cigarette from her lips;

“This isn’t even my ship, Felix. It was a total accident that I ended up on this thing.” She argued.

“It is your ship,” He retorted; “You were assigned to it. You made this ship your own. You gathered your own crew and your own life here. So, you’re wrong. This is your ship.”

He had a point. She did take over the ship without a second thought. She improvised. She was quick thinking on her feet. She overcame. Isn’t that what captains are supposed to do? She finished off her cigarette and the last of her juice. He had gotten through to her enough to make her feel more comfortable. The whole 70 year hibernation had done a number on her emotions.

“It’s my ship,” she repeated; “I am the captain.”

He smiled proudly;

“Damn right you are. I’m proud of you. I’m glad to be your right-hand man.” He beamed.

He kissed the back of her hand, guiding her out of her chair. He disposed of his own cigarette and he tore her away from the desk. Soon enough, she was in bed, curled up next to him. His arm was wrapped around her, keeping her warm and comfortable. He kissed her temple, rubbing her back gently. He wanted her to get a good night of sleep so she could enjoy their day off tomorrow.

“Goodnight, Felix.” She whispered just before falling asleep.

He rested his chin on her head, watching the stars outside the observatory window and into the endless space.

“Night, Captain.”

#felix millstone #the outer worlds #the outer worlds x reader #felix millstone x reader #felix millstone fanfiction #felix millstone x you #felix millstone x female captain #vicarfelix

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graphicabyss · 4 years ago

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I watched The Falcon And The Winter Soldier and I liked it more that I expected, although frankly I didn't expect much. Overall, I love the setting, the cinematography and the character development. The director and the writers did an excellent job. But it also sent me down an emotional roller-coaster and that's the thing I really need to talk about.

I know there are countless rants about TFATWS, Endgame, queerbaiting and poor MCU narratives but I've never really been hanging out in the fandom until recently so for me it's my first one and I need to get it off my chest. It's gonna be long.

It was interesting to see where the show's gonna take things but start to end there was an elephant in the room. It doesn't sit well with me the way they completely sidestepped the Steve Rogers issue. Like, "we didn't make this mess, so we're not gonna go there". And it's just wrong. You can't just avoid the subject altogether and pass it on for future writers to handle. Also, you see Bucky so sad and lonely it breaks your heart. And this inevitably made me think about Endgame and Cap's storyline. I didn't feel like writing it all down after Endgame but now all these thoughts and feelings came up again and I need to get it off my chest. If they ended it all at Endgame, and I thought they did, it would have been fine, sort of. We'd forgive some loose ends. But they didn't end it there and that makes them fully responsible for this mess. I mean, I didn't hate Cap's ending. After all, it could have been worse. Steve could get together with Sharon like in the comics and they probably considered it at some point but the reactions were so bad they backed down and dragged Peggy along. Still, the ending just felt forced, no matter how you look at it. The thing is, if I knew about it after the first movie, I'd rejoice. But at this point, after everything that went down after, it just doesn't feel right. I love Peggy and I can't deny the dance scene made me flutter a little but now I wish this was Steve's way to keep his promise before going back. In the end, Peggy would be fine without him. She had a good life, she made a career and a family. We know that thanks to Agent Carter. And we got many cues that Steve and Peggy's relationship, as important as it was, was over. Her saying goodbye to him by destroying the serum, him carrying her casket... Yet, Endgame effectively undermined that basically erasing all of these events from existence and making Peggy just a prize for Captain America. On the other hand, Bucky needed Steve the most. And the show made it clear how bruised and broken he was. Bucky and Steve's relationship was the closest of any relationship in the MCU. At that point it was clear Bucky was everything to him, the only one who could truly understand him. Steve lost him many times and every time he fought to bring him back, no matter how impossible it seemed. When Bucky was captured Steve went into an enemy base alone on a suicidal mission and saved him and everyone else. That's basically how he became Captain America. Then Bucky got killed in the war and it devastated him. Bucky returned as Winter Soldier and there was hardly any Bucky left in him but Steve nearly let himself be killed because he needed to save him and he trusted that James would not hurt him. When Bucky finally got to his senses, there was an ultimate war going on and in the Snap James fell to dust in front of Steve's eyes. It took 5 years to get him back. And as soon as Steve succeeded, he left him, along with the rest of his traumatized friends and the world in deep chaos, to be with Peggy in 1940's, thus throwing 12 years of his life away. It just didn't feel right. That does a disservice to both Steve and Peggy's storylines. But it's not just about Peggy or Bucky. Steve going back and living his life to return to that park as an old man has opened a rift with a host of questions. I tried to get to the bottom of it but it got me nowhere. According to Russo, when Steve went back he created an alternate reality. He also retired as Captain America. First off, I think he just made that up after to cover up the mess. If that was the case, Cap would return to the designated spot and not be sitting on a bench like he was waiting there all along. But, like, even if it was alternate reality, it could not be that different, right? He wouldn't just live in Peggy's basement, would he? He knew about the things to come like, you know, the HYDRA thing, and being the man that he was, he couldn't just sit and do nothing. Especially when Peggy was one of the founders of the SHIELD. Captain America or not, Steve would do everything to make this world a

better place. Also, if Steve went back after he crashed that plane, that means there's another Steve still locked in ice, which Russo confirmed. Even more importantly, in Steve's timeline Bucky is still with Hydra being tortured. There's no way he could leave him there. So much for the 'quiet life'. Then there are the writers of Endgame who claim that Peggy's two children are fathered by Steve. Really? That directly contradicts the earlier version that the father is a soldier Steve saved, which is shown in Agent Carter. Seriously, guys, if you're gonna make up random bullshit at least get your stories straight first. Fans love to make all sorts of theories to try and patch up the holes but the truth is, MCU is not just one mastermind's creation and the comics weren't either. It's bound to be a mess because it's created by dozens of writers and directors and each phase gets increasingly messier because it has to fit in with the 547 previously released movies and shows. I get that and I applaud the effort of Endgame but they really can't expect us to get involved with the characters only to see them being treated as an afterthought. And the thing is, I thought that it might be just me but after a quick survey of the fandom I realized that a lot of people feel the same way. If you look at the comment section of nearly any relevant video, you're gonna get top comments saying all these things. If Marvel listened just once maybe things would make more sense. And all these thoughts aren't necessarily what I wanted to see, but what would be right for the characters. And while I do love Stucky, I'm a reasonable shipper and I really didn't expect them to be canon gay or anything, I just wished they had at least spent some time together not fighting, just healing and catching up on their lives. Honestly, I don't always like the way people ship m/m characters in every show but this time it was really more than justified. The whole storyline going through Winter Soldier and Civil War was just massive queerbaiting. It was undeniably a love story, romantic or not. "Why do you ship male characters?" some people ask. Idk, maybe if the writers put half the effort into developing m/f relationships as they do m/m ones and not just randomly throw them together I might care about them. And MCU was terrible with romance. That traumatic kiss Steve had with Sharon Carter? In the comics, Steve did love Sharon but who cares? In MCU they met, like, twice. Mostly after Peggy's funeral. Peak romance. If they had to pick a new love interest they could go with Natasha. They cared about each other, they bonded in TWS and they were both dealing with some difficult issues. But they became just good friends, which I loved. Instead, Natasha got together with Banner? And then there's Wanda and Vision, which seemed like the most random of pairings with no buildup whatsoever. The wonderful world of heteronormativity where a witch/robot couple comes before a gay one. And the thing is, I only recently learned that there's some legit leverage to portray Bucky as gay. Bucky is based on two characters from the comics. Bucky Barnes was Steve's teen sidekick, kinda like Robin, so this origin was too weird for MCU. Instead, the writers used the origin story from a character named Arnie. It was a boy Steve grew up with, a boy who protected him from bullies, and a boy who kept inviting Steve to these double dates. A boy who was gay. Which wasn't explicitly stated but was pretty obvious. And this was in 1984. So making Bucky gay would be neither woke nor against 'canon'. It would be way overdue. So with TFTWS it was nice to see Bucky recover and bond with Sam but to me the whole ending also felt a bit excessively positive and this time the queerbaiting felt even more intentional, almost as if the writers wanted to distract the discontent fans with a new shiny ship so they forgot all the things they were mad about. Like, of course I want Bucky to be happy but also I hate the way the show's pushing the idea that he just needs to get over losing Steve and move

on with his life already because surely all his problems come from his inability to trust people and not trying hard enough, and not from being brainwashed and tortured for 70 years and then losing the only person who loved and cherished him.

#MCU #Endgame rant #Stucky #TFATWS #Marvel

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cowboylikedean · 4 years ago

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Now that I’ve had time to sit with all of this, my feelings are.... complicated.

The thing is... I was finished. I was done. I watched seasons 11-14 out of respect for my past, my history, my time, my life. I was watching season 15 out of respect for the show. To see it out to the end, to give it the opportunity and respect to be finished. But I was already done.

And then they did one of the three (3) things that could bring me back.

And I feel so... manipulated?

I kinda feel like Buffy in season 6 talking about coming back from heaven. “I was finished, complete. And I was happy. But I was torn out of there, ripped out... by my friends.”

Because I was happy. I was happy in that I had made peace. I knew that I loved the original seasons 1-5 arc, that my favorite season was 7, that season 8 was when I started to really not enjoy myself, that season 9 is when I lost all ability to enjoy the show, that I only watched season 10 for the 200th and the nostalgia presented in that episode was fun, but it carried me for two or three weeks and then.... I let go. I had made peace with never getting that back. I was never going to watch this show and have fun again, unless I was rewatching 1-7, and that was okay. I didn’t need to enjoy it. I didn’t need anything. The writers were terrible and I knew that but it was okay. I didn’t have to trust them or have faith in them or generally give a shit because they were bad writers phoning it in for a pay check and that’s fine... If you can, you can I guess. I mean it’s bullshit but like I was okay.

But now.... Now I care again. Now I need and want something from them. Now I’m worried about the fact that I don’t trust them and I think they’re all shitty writers phoning it in for a paycheck because now I care about what happens.

And I’m pissed.

Because out of those three things, they chose the ONE that I resent the most.

Those three things are (1) They kill Sam. This is clearly my favorite, and if they were gonna do one I wish they’d done this especially if it was at Dean’s hands. He’d never have a happy ending after killing Sam, but I would. (2) They kill Dean. This would have been a cut and dry “let’s go kill someone” charge. I would have had my appropriate moment of outrage and disgust. I’d be seeing Sam-stans and Cas-stans write their long metas about how “it’s actually a perfect ending for Dean” and see destiel wannabes write their mourning fics like it was cute and be justified in every spec of anger I’ve ever felt.

But they chose (3) Destiel goes canon. I get no satisfaction from this... But I do get my sense of nostalgia played upon. I get used for views with nothing in return. Well... Maybe that’s not accurate, I get something, but it’s not...

I stopped shipping destiel 2 seasons before I finished watching. Season 8 was the last time I shipped it in any serious fashion. I sat through the wild and incredible queerbaiting that was Jeremy Carver’s run of the show.... and honestly for what?! I was here in the hiatus between seasons 7 and 8, leading up to what we, the fandom, called “season gr8″ which it was only named because of queerbaiting. And I fell for it. I drank the koolaid every single week in season 8. I wrote metas and posts, my fb memories are filled with posts insisting that “this would be the week.”

“It’s not queerbaiting if they make it canon,” I’d say. “It’s a slow burn, a long build. A will-they-won’t-they.” I felt like my fellow fans who were getting increasingly more aggressive with the cast and crew had just “lost faith.” that if they saw the big picture, that Dean and Cas were an epic love story that didn’t need immediate payoff, they could enjoy all the little moments we were getting without demanding more.

By the time I left the show, I no longer expected they’d make it canon... but more importantly, neither did I want them to. By that time, Dean had been put through the ringer being the emotional support for every character, the punching bag, the background to everyone else’s stories because no other actor could pull the emotion Jensen could. Dean had everything he had despite the other characters’ stories and emotions. He was seen by the fandom and most of the writing staff as a filler, an extension. He was one half of a relationship - romantic or not - not his own person. He was “the dumb one” and characterized in really stupid ways. You can see it as recently as 15x16 when a writer who has written one other episode of the show and clearly never actually watched the show especially the flashback episodes. Dean was a caricature, not a character. And Cas... Cas was written with increasing amounts of fanservice too. He went from a powerful being trying to learn to balance his sense of angelic responsibility with love of the Earth to being a whiny crybaby who was generally helpless to circumstance. He was written in such a way where he both leaned on Dean to give him purpose and validation while also completely ignoring everything about Dean that made Dean Dean.

As the seasons have gone on, this has gotten more apparent. I think what happened with Mary and Dean kicking Cas out the bunker earlier this season (which was also written by Robert Berens btw and if it’s true he wrote the confession scene first in the season - he wrote this scene after that one) is a perfect example. Dean’s criticism there is that Cas doesn’t trust him. When shit is hitting the fan, Cas expects Dean to react in the worst possible way he could, so he refrains for telling Dean vital information and asking for help while he looks for a solution by himself so Dean never has to know there’s even a problem. Then something goes wrong and Cas is always left there saying he’s sorry, that he shouldn’t have done that... But he never seems to learn, or trust Dean enough to do something different next time. And that time, the lack of trust killed Dean’s mom. The narrative and the fandom both treated Dean as irrational and overly emotional - the bad guy - in that situation. Dean shouldn’t have done that.

But like what the fuck should he have done??? I’d have killed him. Or cut him out for good... like for good for good. How toxic is it to have someone in your life who repeatedly ruins your life by not trusting you with a problem that could be dealt with collectively, but not alone?

And we’re going to what... retcon all of that? By bringing destiel into this, all the reasons I haven’t shipped it and I’ve considered Cas to be one of the most insidious abusers in this show are what? What am I supposed to do with them?

It’s no fucking wonder the script says Dean can’t reciprocate! Because how could he? How can they really justify Dean expressing his frustration at being manipulated and lied to for 11 years at the beginning of the season and expressing undying romantic love at the end of the season?

But this isn’t about narrative sense. It’s about an ending. The whole season is about endings... and writings... and god and death to the author... The metas flying around about “god” and “the writers” are all spot on... And so, it doesn’t matter. The message is the story is what we make it, not what they do. And therefore, they call upon destiel as the greatest example of the fandom finding a story within the story that wasn’t being told.

Except that’s not true. Because it has been being told, just not with any intention of payoff. It’s been queerbaited and intentionally so. “It’s not queerbaiting if they make it canon” is a lie. It is still queerbaiting if they never intended to make it canon! And it’s not okay.

But here I am, two episodes to go and then that’s it. There are no other opportunities for them to make canon honor that unspoken promise to the viewers. This is it. And endings do matter. Despite the message of the season being generally that endings aren’t important. That the story, the push and pull, the free will of the characters to run away with the story and bring the writers and audience to new places, the interaction between audience and story and the life they run away with, that those are the important parts of stories and storytelling... But that just isn’t true. It’s a romantic notion that endings are just silly things we tack on our stories that confine us, that the real stories are within us... but we consume these stories for the payoff of the ending. An unsatisfactory ending can completely ruin a work; just ask HIMYM.

So then this is my last chance... My last chance to feel the release of payoff of a relationship I was intentionally inspired to care about without an intention of payoff. This is my last chance of vindication for all that emotional time and energy spent.

So I’m hopeful and I’m transported back to 2012 and 2013 when I cared. When I believed. When every week felt like a possibility. When it felt like it could really happen. And most importantly, when I wanted it to. Because I do want it to now. I have actively not wanted it to for 6 years, but now is my last chance and it very well might happen so now... I want it..

And the way they did it... With giving Cas his moment, but leaving it open for interpretation... IT’S SO CALLBACK QUEERBAIT. AND callback toxic Cas. Cas lays this on Dean and then yeets off? And tells Dean that it’s because Cas loves him that he’s going? Every single part of Dean’s emotional history and trauma makes that evil, but Cas does it to him? And I’m hoping he’s not mad for the sake of the payoff of the relationship?!?!?!??!?!

Are you fucking kidding me?

And then also I wanna circle back to the queerbait of it all. Misha acknowledged today that there’s some room for interpretation here. And I don’t know how that gets resolved in the final two episodes, if it does... BUT THAT’S THE FUCKING POINT!!! I will be watching live, as it airs, for the first time in 7 years, one week before I intended mind you, because I’m being baited with the promise and hope of explicit payoff that doesn’t leave room for interpretation???? And that’s not queerbaiting???

The whole thing is ridiculous and manipulative and just generally awful, but I’m eating it up because I don’t really have the luxury of another choice. Because hoping for payoff is the best option I’ve got.

I hope I get to justify my past self and see all of that payoff and feel that vindication for the part of me that loved destiel, but I consider destiel to be the number 1 thing that ruined the show for me. So it will be a hollow victory, for sure. And that’s if there’s even a victory, which isn’t a guarantee.

I just feel so used right now.

#long post #destiel #spn #personal #i'm really sorry for the length of this #i just had to get it out

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schrijverr · 4 years ago

Text

Famous Husband

Dean is a pretty famous YouTuber, who is happily married to Castiel, a normal teacher, who doesn’t like the spotlight. He stays behind the scenes, but when someone offhandedly comments that some people believe the Husband doesn’t exist, he starts to rethink his decision to stay unknown.

On AO3.

Ships: Destiel

Warnings: Cas has two students, who go digging into his private life, so if you are sensitive to that, be careful. I do NOT condone their behaviour and if you do I reccomend you rethink some of your choices. WHat they do in this fic in wrong, but I needed it to further the plot, so apoligies :)

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~~~~~~~~~~

Castiel Novak-Winchester was a normal high school History teacher known as Mr. Novak. He was a bit of a dork who was lenient with his students and sometimes surprised them with his meme or pop culture knowledge. This last fact was not because Castiel was secretly hip or up to date with the kids, no this was because Castiel was married to YouTuber Dean Novak-Winchester, with as handle: Dean. Nothing fancy, just simple, like he was.

Castiels students of course didn’t know he was married to the popular YouTuber, he had never starred in a video or even spoken or appeared in the background, because Castiel was a private and shy person and Dean loved him and would do anything for him. So, no matter how much Dean wanted to show Castiel off, his angel was carefully edited out of every single video.

On Thursday Castiels Junior AP class streamed into the classroom for the last lesson of the day with bored expressions on their faces and all sagged into their seats. Castiel shook his head as he decided that these kids deserved a bit of a break today. Then he started the lesson, but fifteen minutes before the end of class he closed his book and announced: “We have some time left, so we’re going to watch a fun YouTube video to relax. Any suggestions?”

Immediately their faces perked up and one girl, Rey, said: “Just before class Dean uploaded a video, can we watch that one? I really want to, but I don’t have the time today otherwise, please.”

Castiel hadn’t expected that, he of course knew that his husband was a well known star and that kids in his classes watched him, but it somehow still came as a shock. He hid his feelings though and instead asked if anyone had any objections, when none came he looked up the video under the careful instructions of Rey.

Then his husband showed up on the board, he was sitting in his car, the beloved Impala that all his fans knew from his video series on how to take care of her and his rants about her on his streams. While he drove he told the camera: “Today Sam is off from doing boring lawer-y stuff, so we’re going to drive over to our uncle, Bobby, you might know him, but it’s a pretty far drive, so when I’ve picked him up we’re going to do a Q&A while we ride. See haters, I’m efficient. This is YouTube-ing at it’s finest.”

He then laughed and it cut to two people sitting in the car. Sam said hello, before grabbing his phone to look up the questions the people send in. Castiel remember that this weekend the two brothers had taken a trip to Bobby’s place, so they must have filmed it then. Sam started off: “So, @Deansgirlnumber1 asked: “how do you feel being so close to 7 mil subs?””

Dean made a turn while he answered: “Good question, I don’t know man. I never thought in my wildest dreams that anyone would even watch, so the fact that all this happened is crazy. I am very grateful for it, so I think I’m gonna have to go with that, incredibly grateful.”

A few more questioned followed, about annoying habits, special interest, or embarrassing memories. Then Sam said: “@MysteriousHubby asked: “can we at least get a description of your husband, please!!!!”, yes it has four exclamation marks.” Sam looked over, “I know you love waxing poetry about him.”

Dean got a dopey smile on his face and a dreamy look in his eyes that made Castiel go soft as he saw it, that was his favourite Dean-smile, the smile he only used for him.

Then Dean shook himself out of it and frowned as he said: “I do love to do that, but it’s not my fault that his eyes are absolutely stunning and he’s very sexy, but as you know my sunshine is private and I respect that. I would never want to push him to do something he doesn’t want, we have boundaries and we believe in consent, as should all of you. So sorry @MysteriousHubby, but all I can tell you is that he is beautiful.”

The girls in the room squealed and Mary gushed: “Isn’t it adorable how much he loves that man, you can see it in how he talks.”

Another girl swooned and said: “I wish someone talked about me like he does about his husband. He never gives anything away, but he always manages to turn it into a complement about how sweet and gorgeous his sunshine is.”

Castiel paused the video and with faked confusion he asked: “I’m confused, why doesn’t he talk about his husband?”

Rey was quick to explain: “Well, he’s been married for a year now and he’s been dating this guy since forever, but he’s very shy and he doesn’t like camera’s apparently, so Dean edits him out and never mentions him by name, only calling him cute nicknames like angel or sunshine, or he just calls him ‘my husband’. It’s very cute how he seems to melt every time the man is mentioned, but a lot of people are curious about this mystery guy, some don’t even believe he exist, I do though, you can’t fake being that madly in love.”

Some girls agreed and Castiel nodded as he let the video continue. He mulled Rey's words over and mused, I didn’t know people didn’t believe I existed. Dean must have hidden it, because he thought it would hurt my feelings, how sweet of him.

He watched the brothers do Deans sign-off: “Bye hunters, see you on the road!”

Then the screen faded to black, before anyone cold break the silence the bell rang and the kids were out of the room with a quick goodbye to their teacher. When Rey walked by she said: “Bye, Mr. Novak, thank you for letting me watch the video. I’ll make sure to do my homework.”

Castiel laughed and said: “That would be a first.”

Rey shot him a quick grin and a wink over her shoulder then she was gone with everyone else. Castiel shook his head to himself as he whispered: “Teenagers.”

He left the building and left in his tan-colored car for home. There he walked to the door and was greeted by Dean with a kiss on his forehead as he took Castiels stuff of his hands and helped him out of the trench-coat. After he was done he asked: “So, how was your day, sunshine.”

“It was pleasant, Dean.” Castiel told him with a smile, “I watched your video with one of my classes, you have fans at the school. You were very handsome in it. How has your day been?”

“Good, but it got better when you walked through the door.” Dean smirked.

Castiel gave him a slight shove as he said: “Sap.”

Dean batted his eyelashes and said: “You love me for it, darlin’.”

With a quick peck Castiel said: “Yeah, I do.” then walked to the kitchen with a happy Dean trailing behind him.

When they were sitting at the table with homemade burgers Dean started up the conversation again: “So, I have fans at your school, maybe I should come and say hi to them.”

“Dean.” Castiel said with a glare, “I know you want to, but they’ll never leave me alone after that. I have to be an authority figure and I can’t do that if I’ve done dumb shit like getting covered in whipped cream on camera.”

“That was one- well, not one time, but come on. Please, Cas, consider it.” Dean whined.

“I am.” Castiel told him.

Dean perked up, like a puppy near a bone. Castiel rolled his eyes fondly at him and said: “I have recently been informed that people believe I don’t exist and I don’t want them thinking they have a chance when you’re mine, right sweetheart?”

Dean swallowed, Castiel hardly ever used nicknames and the possessiveness was kinda hot. Dumbly Dean shook his head, but when he had found his words and tried to ask him about it Castiel steered the conversation to another topic.

Three weeks later and Cas hadn’t mentioned it again, so Dean had let it go, sadly enough, thinking it had been a one time thought that had been discarded after more consideration. However, the opposite was the case. Castiel had been planning proving he was real carefully and now it was time.

Dean was doing his Sunday live show in the living room, this usually meant that Castiel would hide, uhm, grade papers, in the office until Dean brought him a coffee to inform him he was done. Dean always chilled the same way on his life streams, so Castiel knew exactly from where he would be in frame and he had even checked before he left.

So, when Dean was thirty minutes into his stream, Castiel entered the room. When Dean saw him his eyes went wide and he quickly said: “Babe, I’m live.”

While the chat practically blew up, Castiel played his part, giving his husband startled eyes as he asked: “Am I in frame?”

He knew he wasn’t, but having Dean confirm it soothed him. He held up the mug of coffee he had made Dean and said: “I completely forgot, but I made you coffee, it’s black just the way you like it, wait I’ll bring it over.”

He carefully made his way around the edges of the room with Dean guiding him, so he was certain he wouldn’t be spotted. He was lucky they didn’t have any mirrors or that would have been tricky. As he was doing that Dean was ignoring his stream as he followed Cas with his eyes, when his husband came up on the other side of the laptop he gave him a smile that Castiel shyly returned. Deans gaze softened with that and he gratefully took the mug out of Castiels hands. Handing over the mug happened just above the frame, but when Dean had put it aside carefully he stood up to give his husband a quick peck and without thinking he said: “Thanks, Cas, I love you.”

Cas didn’t mind and he answered: “Love you too, Dean. Good luck with your stream, sorry for interrupting.”

Castiel walked away just as carefully as Dean said with a grin: “You can never interrupt me. Have fun doing boring adult stuff.”

“Having a normal job, isn’t boring, it’s called being a productive member of society, you should try it sometime.” Castiel sassed as he closed the door behind him, through the wood he could hear Deans laughter.

He quickly hurried to the kitchen to watch the stream. He was just in time to see Dean wipe the laugh tears out of his eyes as he said: “I love that man, he’s the best. You look at him and think, ‘oh what a sweetheart’, but he can be a little shit if he wants.”

In the chat people were rioting: “AAHHH HE’S REAL!!!!” “OMG DID YOU HEAR THAT VOICE SO FUCKING DEEP!” “WHAT JUST HAPPENED!?!?!?!?!?” “Ahw, look how soft Dean got when his husband walked in” “DID I HEAR IT RIGHT, DID HE CALL HIM CASS? GUYS WE HAVE A NAME!!!” “IS HE GONNA APPEAR MORE?”

Castiel rolled his eyes, he didn’t mind that the abbreviation of his name was out there. It might be easy to connect with his first name, but most students didn’t know his first name and it was a major gap to link.

Dean ignored most of the comments, but he did say: “For all you non-believers, you just got converted. A real life angel just blessed you with the truth.”

He laughed some more at his own silly comment, before getting serious and saying: “For the record, this was a mess-up, not a promise for more husband content. He stays my sweet, dorky, shy, angel, so don’t make a big deal out of.”

He tried to talk about some other things, but nothing stuck, all the comment section was interested in was Castiel, which the man found kind of flattering. After ten minutes of trying Dean gave up and said his goodbyes before ending the stream.

A few seconds later he came into the kitchen and was surprised to find Castiel there. “I thought, you’d be up in the office grading your papers.” Dean said.

Castiel shrugged and said: “That was originally the plan, but then I thought about you doing the live stream and the people who didn’t believe I existed, so to make myself feel better I started watching, but then there were all these comments about how sexy you were, which are true, but you’re mine and before I knew it I had entered the room and now that all happened.”

Suddenly the realization of what his actions had meant came over him and he had to lean against the counter to keep upright. Dean was with him in a flash, letting Castiel lean on him while he petted his hair and whispered soothing words into his ear.

When Castiel had calmed down a bit and was sitting at the counter with a mug of tea Dean said: “Let’s first see how everyone reacts to this and if they’re very intrusive I’ll make a video telling them to back off, yeah? Maybe they’ll be chill and cool about it.”

Castiel rubbed his face and said: “I hope so. I also hope that none of my students recognized my voice, I’ve never been so happy that they never listen to me.”

Dean barked a laugh at that and soon the stress of the day was forgotten in front of a nice movie with popcorn, blankets, giggles and kisses.

Monday morning his Junior AP class got into the building and his classroom. Rey and Mary were loudly talking about what had happened the day before. Rey said: “I still cannot believe that just happened!”

“Yeah, I know right. Seven years and nothing, then suddenly a whole conversation and a name!” Mary answered, “He sounded a bit gruff, like he had swallowed a lot of gravel, but he was funny and sweet, so Dean hasn’t been lying.”

Castiel walked up behind the unsuspecting girls and asked: “What might be so important that I cannot start my lesson until the news is shared?”

Both jumped a bit, but Rey quickly explained: “Yesterday Dean was doing a live show and his husband walked in!”

“Yeah,” Mary added, “It’s like major, because of the mysteriousness surrounding the guy. He was bringing Dean coffee, which is so sweet, but now there are theories everywhere about who it could be.”

Rey nodded frantically: “Some claim it’s a big celebrity, who’s trying to hide he’s gay and there are sound bits comparing the voice of the husband to some those of celebrities. I personally think it’s someone like me and you, just a shy everyday Joe, you know.”

“Me too.” Mary said, “Oh and we also got a name, or so we think, Dean said: “Thanks Cas, I love you.” So the name must Cas or it’s a nickname, so people are looking all over social media for people with that name.”

Castiel nodded along, he had never been more grateful that he had decided that social media was too much work for him to understand, so he’d never gotten it. But he had a job to do so he told them: “I’m sure it’s all very intriguing and interesting, but you know what’s also interesting? The Civil War, which is what you will spend your time discussing this hour. When the lesson is done you can get back to your mystery man.”

The two girls groaned, along with the others who were listening to the interaction.

Castiels strict start soon mellowed out and by the end of the lesson most kids were on their phone or slowly working through the questions for the homework for next lesson. Rey and Mary were watching a theory video about the stream. They were distracted by Mr. Novak, who clapped in his hands and said: “The bells will almost ring so you guys can put away your stuff and go be a productive member of society.”

The two girls gasps were drowned out by the noise of people packing, but they had heard it clear enough, their teacher had repeated the words of Cas on the stream from yesterday at exactly the same time it played on their video. There was no difference in the voice, their dorky teacher might be Deans husband.

Castiel groaned into one of their couch pillows and Dean smirked: “Rough day, buddy?”

“You don’t even know, it seems like all anyone could talk about was that stream of yours. I didn’t even know people at the school watched it, but even some staff members were talking about it.” Cas told the pillow.

“Ahw, darling.” Dean said as he sat down next to his husband and massaged Castiels hair: “It’s gonna be okay, soon it will blow over and everything will be normal again, I promise.”

Castiel rolled over to face his husband and said: “I hope so, two of my best Junior AP students, Rey and Mary, are obsessed with it and I am very bad at keeping secrets. It’s surprising, honestly, that I’ve managed to get this far without slipping up.”

“Don’t be self deprecating, honey.” Dean said as he kissed his face, “I hate it when you talk shit about my favourite person.”

The sweet words and the tickling of Deans hair made Castiel giggle. When he did that Dean made such an adoring face at him that Castiel couldn’t help but melt, this was his Dean, his husband, his world, his everything. Dean had made sacrifices for him, helped him through dark times and now he was still here as adoring and beautiful as ever and all his. He whispered: “Dean, I’ll love you till I die.”

Deans eyes widened a bit, before he blushed and hid his face I his arm. When he removed the arm he was still red, but he was smiling softly as he said: “I’ll love you for my whole life as well.”

They stared at each other for a minute, just taking each other in, Castiel had his head in Deans lap and Dean was looking down to him. Castiel was counting Deans freckles, he had never manged to count them all, but damn did he love to try. Meanwhile Dean was trying to figure out how eyes could be that blue and how he could drown in them.

The moment was ruined by the rumbling of Deans stomach that send Castiel back into a fit of giggles. Dean smiled as well and said: “Shall I get our pizza’s out the freezer and into the oven? Then you can find us something to watch.”

Castiel got up and said: “I saw a documentary about bees, would you like to watch that with me?”

Dean smiled and said: “Of course, Cas. I’d love to.”

And that was the truth. Dean couldn’t care less about bees, but Cas did, he got that adorable intense look in his eyes as he would focus on the facts and images that played. When something particularly interesting or new came by he’d look at Dean with a sparkle of excitement in his eyes, which was just too precious. All that made watching a boring bee documentary completely worth it.

Mary and Rey were doing a live stream on their quite popular, joined Instagram account named @Deanmustbeprotected, here they posted drawings from Mary and edits from Rey about Dean, but today they were not talking about that, but about their recent discovery. They had a pretty big following for a fan account and a few hundred people were watching the stream. Rey began: “So, I know we don’t really talk about like theories or that stuff, because we respect privacy in this house, but-”

Mary interrupted: “But this is too big not to share, because we think our teacher is-”

Together they finished the sentence: “Deans husband.”

“Now I know this looks like everybody who claims they know this Cas,” Mary said, “but we have some serious evidence.”

“Their voices are exactly the same for example.” Rey said, “And I mean creepily the same.”

“Yeah, yesterday in class he said “go be a productive member of society” which is exactly what Cas said and it was the same.” Mary pipped in.

“Like the same, the same.” Rey said.

“So, we did some digging and according to our school mail, his name-” Rey started, but was cut off by Mary who said: “No, you got to explain that first. So, if you mail a teacher via school-mail you can type in the last name and their mail will pop up, but also their first name, so we looked up-”

“And his first name is Castiel!” Rey squealed.

Mary nodded enthusiastically: “Which fits perfectly into the theory that Cas is a nickname, therefore our teacher must be Deans husband.”

Rey said: “He’s also one of the best teachers ever and mega sweet, so that’s also proof if you want to believe what Dean says about the guy.”

“Uhhu, he’s the best, so no shit talking him if it ends up being wrong.” Mary warned.

“Or right.” Rey added.

Mary nodded: “Or right, yeah.”

People in their comments went wild, but there were also skeptics, which was pretty fair since there were two teenage girls claiming that they knew the mysterious husband of their idol. Mary didn’t care, but Rey didn’t really let that kind of things go easily. She said: “We’ll investigate some more and come back to you all, but this time with solid evidence.”

Then they ended the stream. Soon after the clip had been uploaded by a popular theory fan YouTube account and the video spread through the fanbase, ending up in Deans sphere.

Dean was going through videos to monitor what people were saying about his husband when a video popped up of two girls claiming their teacher was his husband. That set off alarm bells in his head, a teacher was in the realm of possibilities.

He quickly made his way to the office where Cas was bended over a stack off papers. He looked calm and in his element and Dean almost felt bad about disturbing him, but this was important. So he knocked on the door frame to get Castiels attention and said: “Two girls uploaded a video claiming their teacher was my husband. Do you want to check if they’re your students?”

Castiels face turned tense as he nodded, so Dean showed his the screen. Once he had identified Mary and Rey he let his head thunk on the desk is despair. Dean winced and said: “I take it they’re yours?”

Muffled the reply came: “Sadly. Remember those two obsessed Juniors I told you about yesterday?”

“Rey and Mary?” Dean asked, “You adore those girls, right?”

“Yeah, I do. They’re hard workers, who are fun to work with and good people to have in the classroom, so I want to be mad, but I can’t.” Cas said.

Dean rubbed his back and said: “They were nice about you in the video. Here watch.”

He played the part where they talked about how sweet their teacher was, then paused it and said: “This might be a good thing. You can talk to them, maybe tell them the truth and ask them to leave it alone. I feel like they would understand, they seem like nice girls.”

“You’re probably right.” Castiel sighed, “I see what I can do.”

End Wednesday was terrible, because by that time most of the school had heard about the video, but Castiel managed to avoid talking about it luckily. That Thursday he was in a terrible mood and most people seemed to have picked up on it and left him alone.

When his Junior AP filed in that last hour, he was done. He said: “I am not really in the mood for fun today, so everyone be quiet and work on your sheets. I do not want to see phones or food and I don’t want to hear you talking. I’ll be grading papers over here, so if you have any questions you can come here and ask.”

The class shared looks, Mr. Novak must be in a really bad mood. He always allowed music, because he found that music could be soothing while you worked. Food was necessary for energy and concentration. While talking and working together led to discussions that helped with studying. He found them essential, so canceling all of that was bad news.

Rey and Mary looked guiltily at each other and quietly got to work. They had been looking forward to this lesson to investigate more about their hunch, but making their favourite teacher mad like this, they hadn’t planned for or wanted that.

No one dared to ask a question that lesson and when the bell was about to ring Mr. Novak stood up and said: “You can pack up now, make sure to finish those worksheets before our lesson on Monday. Rey and Mary, can you two stick around for a bit.”

It was phrased like a question, but it was said like a statement. The two girls swallowed and sat back down in their seats with heavy hearts. When everyone else had left the room they came forward and waited for Mr. Novak to start the conversation.

Castiel leaned back into his chair and rubbed his face. He said: “You know girls, I’m angry with you, but I’m mostly just very disappointed in you. I expect this from others, trolls or stalkers on the Internet, people who like conspiracies, but not you two.”

The words felt like punches and they couldn’t find it within themselves to even try and defend themselves. Castiel went on: “But, I am soft and I believe in giving second chances, so I want to know what you two have to say for yourself.”

He looked at them expectantly as they tried to find their words. Mary was first: “I’m so sorry, Mr. Novak. I really didn’t mean it like that.”

“Yeah,” Rey agreed, “we didn’t think this would happen at all.”

“Can I ask what you did think would happen?” Castiel asked.

“Uhh...” the two girls blanked.

Castiel nodded and said: “I thought so, I know excitement can sometimes overpower rational thinking, but at least try to get a few braincells to work before you make important decisions.”

Rey snorted as Mary blushed. Castiel then let his frown and stern look fall and took on a more gentle look. He told the two: “Like I said, I believe in second chances and I understand why you two did what you did, even though it turned my world a bit around and soured two of my days so far. So, I want to ask you two, why you want to know so bad? How will it impact your life?”

Both seemed to think about it and Mary spoke up first: “It’s kind of being invested, I suppose, we know so much about Dean, his brother, his uncle who raised him, his friends, his history, his hobbies, everything basically, so not knowing something is weird, makes you curious. And I get that a person wants privacy, so I can’t blame him really, but Dean is really influential with a pretty young audience. He helped me with a lot of stuff, like cheered me up when I was down and made me happy when things were rough, you know. But not knowing his husband makes that connection less real and seeing him would fix that small disconnect you have when it is a pet name instead of a real name.”

Then Rey spoke up, a bit hesitant: “Well, my answer is kind of the same, I guess, but it’s just that Dean always seems so happy when he talks about his husband and that always helps me believe that I have a shot at that as well, you know, that me being bi isn’t something that can stop me from being happy and having someone that loves me for me, so seeing his husband, knowing that he’s real and out there, that he really is as sweet as Dean let us to believe, well it would give me hope, I guess...” she trailed off and shrugged.

Castiel nodded at their words as he thought them over. He was kind of convinced that he should just do a video with Dean and get it over with, not this theorizing bullcrap people were doing now, he knew Mr. Shurley, the principal liked him and because of his investment in the GSA it was kind of known that he was LGBTQ+, so he wouldn’t get fired over that.

While he was quietly thinking the friends awkwardly looked at each other, when it became clear that Mr. Novak was too deep in thought to break the silence any time soon, Rey broke it first: “So, were we right, sir, are you Deans husband?”

That earned her a slap from Mary and a tired look from Mr. Novak. She cringed a bit and apologized, but Castiel waved it away as he said: “Sorry for drifting away on you, I was thinking about your words and you’ve convinced me.”

Mary and Rey shared a shocked look, was this really happening or were they reading the situation wrong? Castiel sighed: “I am Deans husband and I’m doing the video.”

Both girls squealed and jumped up and down, Castiel just shook his head fondly at their antics. When they had come down from their excitement, Rey breathlessly said: “Are you really gonna do it?”

“Yeah, I just want to walk up to my husband in the store to give him the milk without having to worry about the group of teens that have surrounded him.” Castiel said, “But the video is probably not going up until later, so please don’t shout this from the rooftops until it is out. Can I trust you with that?”

He gave them a stern look and they practically fell over themselves to assure him that they wouldn’t fuck up this second chance he had given them. When that was done Mary shyly asked: “I know this is weird, but can we take a selfie, so that we an post it on our insta to prove we were right? It’s weird, sorry, but some people were getting really mad at us for lying, so if we can clear this up maybe they’ll leave us alone.”

Castiel looked kind of awkward, but he wouldn’t let his students get bullied, so he sucked it up and agreed, he would have to get used to it. After that the girls wished him good luck and Cas decided that he wasn’t going to come in tomorrow.

On Sunday instead of a live-stream a video popped up on Deans channel called: ‘Husband reveal!! No click bait, it’s actually happening!!’

It started off with no one on screen and a camera adjusting, you heard Dean first: “You wanna sit with me already or come in later?”

“Already sit there, I don’t want to awkwardly shuffle into frame.” a deep voice replied, that most recognized from the stream.

Then Deans intro rolled, it was a drawn impala that came down the road, it stopped in the middle of the screen and the drawn Dean gave a wink to the viewers, then he sped off again and the smoke was bridge back to the video.

Dean and the mystery man were sitting next to each other and Dean excitedly started the video: “Hi Hunters, welcome back to the channel! Today we have a very special guest, and can I get a round of applause for him… my husband, Castiel or Cas! Jup, your eyes are not deceiving you, this beautiful man right here is my husband, because he finally agreed to do a video with me!”

The man in question stopped with lovingly staring at his husband to blush at the introduction. When he didn’t say anything Dean said: “Want to say hi to everyone?”

Cas blinked and said: “Uhm, hi human people audience watching…”

Dean giggled, he had never giggled on his channel before, and when Cas heard the sound he smirked, but when he looked at Dean he plastered a confused look on his face and asked Dean what was wrong. Dean fondly shook his head and without any bite he said: “You are ruining my badboy-nothing-fazes-me image I created here, dude.”

It cut and they were looking at the camera again. Dean started the off again: “So first Cas is just going to tell you about why he didn’t want to be on camera. The floor is yours.”

Castiel said: “Well, at first it was because I was looking for a job and being an openly gay man in a relationship meant that I might not get hired.”

“Because people are assholes.” Dean cut in.

“Yes, Dean, because of that.” Castiel agreed, “But then I got a job here and we moved to LA and I know now that I’m not going to get fired over it, because I told my boss I had a husband and I help with the GSA at the school I work at, so I’m good on job security. But as a teacher, I realized that these kids I teach watch YouTube and therefor also Dean, so if I showed up here and did weird stuff like eating pie until I vomit or-”

“Hey, that was actually one time.”

“Hm, sure. Or participate in ‘never-have-I-ever’ none of them would ever listen to me again. So I decided that staying off the channel was for the best if I wanted my students to actually learn something.”

While Cas was talking you could see Dean was listening intently, even making comments, but overall he was focused most on staring at his husband like he was the most beautiful thing ever.

Castiel finished: “But it was actually two of my students that convinced me that this was a good idea to do, so here I am.”

Dean snapped out of his trance and said with fake indignantly: “I thought your love for me was your only true motivation. Have you lied to me?”

Castiel frowned and replied: “That is always my first motivation, but this was an extra, and currently more relevant, explanation.”

Dean dropped the act to smirk at Cas and asked: “How is that also your motivation when you leave your dirty dishes for me to do?”

“Well,” Cas started to explain seriously, “you have very nice arms that can only be truly appreciated when wet and lathered in soap.”

Dean blushed and laughed, then Castiel started laughing as well, also with a blush. Between gasped Dean said: “Dude, are you serious.”

Castiel looked mortified and said: “Are you going to keep that in?”

Dean shrugged and said: “I don’t know, Sam wanted to edit this video because, and I quote, “An insider could never do justice to the sweet Destiel romance that I had to suffer through in real time”, so you have to ask him.”

The screen went white and in black a message appeared: ‘I am not sorry for that, it took them four years to get together and I was present for all of them, so you can imagine how I suffered. Besides, I want to bet that they would have edited adorable moments like this one out, because they are idiots. ~Sam’

Then it was back to the video. Dean said: “So since this is a video about us I thought we could tell you about how we first met. So, you might know my roommate Rick that I talk about from time to time, yeah, well, he isn’t real, well he is, but he dropped out after a month, so none of the stories about him happened with him.”

“You are being very confusing, Dean.” Castiel told him.

Dean glared at him and said: “You can try later, see if you fair better.”

“I assume I will, want to bet?” Castiel challenged.

“Winner does the dishes next week.” Dean said.

“Deal.”

They shook hands and Dean went on: “Anyway, after that first month there was a mishap at another dorm and Castiel moved in with me. It was kind of awkward that first day, because he came late at night and I was in the dark room alone watching a horror movie when I heard the lock wiggle. Turns out this idiot had forgotten his keys and was picking the lock, but I didn’t know that at the time, so I was scared shitless. Then the door swung open and a dude was standing there with the hallway light from the back only making him a dark figure, a hallway light that chose that exact moment to flicker. So, I screamed and jumped him.”

“I had a bruise on my chest for weeks, you know.” Cas complained.

“Well then you should have knocked.” Dean shot back.

“But there was no light coming from the door, I thought you were asleep and I didn’t want to wake you. I was being considerate.” Castiel defended himself.

“It was creepy, but anyway we fought, I won.” a cough, “It was a draw.” and eyeroll that was ignored, “And we became good friends after that!”

“Now, Cas is going to tell our first date. It was the last month at college and I was planning on moving back into Uncle Bobbys house and help him with the cars until YouTube picked up some more, this is all relevant background information, by the way.” Dean said.

“Yes, so I had gotten a job teaching in LA and I realized that I didn’t want to say goodbye to Dean at all, so I talked to Sam who said that I had to get my head out of my ass and ask Dean out because we had loved each other for the entirety of college and apparently he was suffering. I went up to Dean and gave a very embarrassing speech and we-”

“Wait, you’re not going to retell the speech?” Dean asked.

“No, like I stated before, it was very embarrassing, Dean.” Cas said.

“Pleeeeease.” Dean gave him The Eyes and Castiel broke like he always did.

“This is what I said, keep in mind that I was very nervous, “Hello, Dean, I have found a house in LA and this is were YouTubers live so it will help in your career, so I hoped you would buy the house, with me that is, I don’t want you just to buy the house alone because that would be dumb. The house is actually more of an apartment and it only has one bedroom, I tell you this, because it is relevant and I only looked for houses with one bedroom, because I’d hoped you would share it with me, because I really love you and I want you to be my boyfriend, please.” See, super embarrassing and dumb.” Castiel pouted.

“Nooo, angel. It was the sweetest, you were the cutest little dork ever, it was very nice and I liked it.” Dean reassured him.

“Really?” Castiel asked, Dean nodded enthusiastically.

“So, after that, I took him stargazing in the impala, because he likes to drive and I like the stars. I brought pie and burgers and beer and it was very lovely.”

“It was a very good date, did anyone help you with it?” Dean asked.

“Yes, Sam was very eager to help, he even gave me your ring size, so he was dreaming a little bigger than me, but he was helpful.” Castiel said.

“Did he really do that.” Dean wheezed.

Castiel chuckled: “Yes, yes he did.”

A new note appeared: ‘Like you didn’t find that information very useful a year and a half later, Mr. Denial (and yes, I was suffering, a lot) :( ~Sam’

“I’m probably gonna end the video here, wedding talk comes later, maybe even with footage.” Dean said with a look to Cas.

Cas raised an eyebrow and said: “I thought you had a “badboy image” to maintain, can’t really do that when you post hours of footage of you crying.”

“I didn’t cry, you cried.” Dean said, “Maybe you thought I cried, because you couldn’t see through your own tears.”

“No, you were the one who cried, it started the moment I walked down the isle with Bobby, admit it.” Castiel said.

“No, I didn’t, I swear I didn’t cry.” Dean said.

“Okay, that’s it, I’m grabbing my laptop and I’m proving this.” Castiel started to get up.

It cut and they were looking at the laptop. You could hear the wedding march swell and Dean moped: “Yeah, ‘kay, so you were right, whatever. It’s not my fault you looked way too pretty to be human.”

“Ahw, sweetheart.” Cas gave Dean a peck on the cheek.

Then it cut to the end card and Dean was sitting alone. He said: “So that’s this video, Cas is not here, because he is setting stuff up so we can watch out wedding videos again, because we felt like it after this. If you liked the video, please leave a like and comment, to subscribe click over there, to watch more click right there and maybe you will see Cas in a beautiful wedding gown, but for now: Bye hunters, see you on the road! Oh yeah, and comment I was better than Cas at my actual job.”

Then the video was over.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Omg they’re sooooooo cute!!!!!!!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Get yourself a lover who looks at

you like they look at each other

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Is anybody going to talk about

how hot Cass is? Like wowwww

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Did you see that little smirk that

he hid when Dean looked? That

is love people. Confirmed Deans

Hubby is a little shit in love

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

so… he’s real…. great another

hot guy of the market…

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

hahahaha I died at 3:35 when Cas

talked about Deans arms 100%

agree

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Castiel was better, like to agree

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Sam little comments had me in

stitches

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dean cried on their wedding day!

My heart <3<3<3

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Destiel!!! They named themselves

iconic

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

All…. The… Stares…

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Wait did he say wedding gown,

we stan one QUEEN!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Soon after the video went up a picture appeared on @Deanmustbeprotected with the two girls known from the insta stories and stream smiling and doing peace signs with a confused Castiel in the background. The caption read: ‘Did we lie though?’

The top comment was from certified Dean: ‘You be nice to him on Monday, girls’

With a lot of freaking out underneath it.

That Monday the Junior AP class practically ran into the classroom to question their teacher thoroughly, but Castiel refused to answer any of their questions and just started the lesson: “So, the Civil War brought many changes to America, which is what your homework was about. I will collect it now, so please put it on the table and while I do that can so someone tell me what those changes were? Yes, Jule.”

“Are you really not going to talk about Deans video from yesterday?” Jule said instead of answering the question.

Castiels shoulders sagged and he said: “This was exactly what I feared when I agreed to do that, guys I am your teacher, I am getting paid to teach you and make you into a functioning adult and I am not here to talk about my personal life.”

“Tell that to Mr. Delaney.” a boy yelled, which earned him some laughs.

Castiel smiled and said: “I know, Mr. Delaney loves his fishing stories, but I am not Mr. Delaney. I am trying to tell you about the Civil War and how it impacted America, something that will be on your test, which is far more important in this setting than me and my husband.”

“Please, sir, just a few questions.” Shelly asked.

“Will you stop after and concentrate, because this is a two way route.” Castiel said.

When he got a chorus of yes he sighed and sat down on his desk. “I’m answering five questions so, hands up if you have one.”

A dozen hands shot up and he picked the one closest to him. It was Nate, who asked: “How is it to be married to a celebrity?”

Castiel chuckled and said: “I never thought of Dean as a celebrity really, when I got to know him he was eighteen, still couldn’t grow facial hair and a gigantic dork, who filmed himself doing a bunch of weird sh- stuff with his laptop web cam. So, I would say like any other marriage.”

He pointed at a girl in the back who asked: “Dean said you got married in a gown, is that true and do you have pictures.”

Castiel knew this was coming and he wasn’t ashamed or anything, so he calmly answered: “Yes, I did, I think that how different genders present themselves is a social construct and I thought a wedding gown would be neat.”

He looked up his favourite wedding photo, it was Dean holding him in his arms bridal-carry style and they were both grinning like idiots at each other, he had it printed and framed and it hung above their bed. He projected the photo and a lot of the girls awh-ed, but before anyone could get out their phone he warned: “No pictures.”

He then pointed at Mary who asked: “How would you describe Dean?”

Castiel thought about it and then said: “Kind, handsome, charming, loving, maybe a bit self sacrificing. He really is just a lovely person, who is good at cheering people up.”

Some people ahw-ed and Castiel blushed, so he quickly moved on to the next person. It was Kevin who asked: “So, how is your relationship with Sam? You must know him, right?”

“I do know Sam, yes.” Castiel answered, “He is a great person and we are close friends and he is also a great team mate in prank wars.”

People laughed at that and before he could point out someone else for the last question someone, he didn’t see who, called out just loud enough to be heard: “We’re probably not allowed to ask who tops, lol.”

Castiel pulled a tired face and said: “And that was the last question, which I will not be answering. Now back to Jule who was going to tell us about the changes in America after the Civil War.”

Some groaned and others chastised the person who ruined their last question, but they did follow up on their promise to pay attention and actually do something that lesson.

Castiel untied the knot of tension that had formed in his chest that hadn’t been as bad as he had imagined. He only had to repeat that every lesson that was to come and after that it was mostly back to normal, only he could kiss his husband whenever he pleased now without worrying, which was a definite plus.

#RR writing #dean winchester #castiel/dean #dean x castiel #castiel #Destiel #Destiel AU #destiel youtuber au #youtuber dean #teacher cas #married destiel #Sam Winchester #supernatural #spn

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annoyed-galaxy · 4 years ago

Note

Family and friendship for the Sparrow asks!

Adding a cut cause a bitch rambled WAY too much. Also a lot of these are headcanons because I mean...why not.

Family

The only family Sparrow ever had after Rose died was Logan and Aelyn. She didn’t care to start a family, she was dead set focused on revenge. After she killed Lucien, she was a world renowned hero, everyone in Albion knew who she was because she brought back thousands of people to life. Everyone looked at her as a Hero, they never really saw Sparrow. She tried to find love one day with a man who seemed like he actually overlooked the fact that she was a Hero. But when he took her to meet his family, he bragged that he was dating the greatest Hero of all time and used her more as a trophy than anything.

She left and really gave up on trying to find a partner. Until some smarmy bastard came along and really flipped her life around. Reaver was the only person in Sparrow’s life who could see past the Hero and see her. Sparrow really hated how he was able to read her like an open book and was annoyed by him often. But as they went on adventures together, Sparrow couldn’t help but crave his companionship. As much as she hated it, he really was the only person who treated her normally. He made her feel less alone and put a fire back inside of her (often targeted towards him, but still).

They both never expected to actually fall for each other considering Sparrow was supposed to be on borrowed time after her sacrifice for him. They never really spoke about their feelings towards each other, but it was in the air.

When Sparrow became queen, she was forced to marry some nobleman and have children, but she didn’t want to. He tried to force himself on her which resulted in a broken hand on his behalf. Sparrow knew she would need heirs eventually but she refused to have them with the king. The king was already planning to discreetly dispose of her so he could have the kingdom and that plan was going to happen through his children, but she ruined that.

Enter Reaver who unofficially became her consort. Their relationship was a secret to all but the king and his close advisors. Reaver gave her Logan first and the king was furious. Logan grew up as curious as his mother and as observant as his father. He never knew Reaver was his father until way later, but did find it odd how this strange man was by his mother’s side. Then Aelyn was born and shortly after her birth, the king tried to make his move. Reaver stopped him and killed him.

Reaver was definitely not the fatherly type, but he did stick around the castle to watch Sparrow and his kids interact. It was weird looking at the prince and princess and consider them his kids, but Sparrow was thankful. Logan and Aelyn were the brightest points in her life. She loved them so much. But it was never enough to keep her from embracing death. Reaver yelled at her, asking her how now of all times she decides to be selfish and leave her children behind. That’s where she made him take a vow, one she didn’t really know if he would keep, to just watch over them until time took them away. He didn’t have to interfere, just watch over them.

When Sparrow died, she died the happiest she had been in her entire life. She had taught Logan and Aelyn to always be there for each other no matter what and their bond was unbreakable. They had reminded her so much of herself and Rose that it felt like she had brought Rose back in the end.

Friendship

Okay, so ya’ll I have this cool headcanon about Sparrow meeting Walter because before he was a solider, he was a pirate. On one of their adventures, Reaver needed some new crewmates for his ship despite obviously hating that fact. Sparrow was in charge of hiring new people and that’s when she came across Walter. She and Walter hit off immediately and became best buds. He felt like a brother to her and was a nice break from only being around Reaver. It had been so long since she has a friend like him. They annoyed Reaver a lot, but the three had some weird bond like almost every single MCU trio (think of the most recent Sam, Bucky and Zemo trio).

Walter was another light in Sparrow’s life and she loved him like family. He didn’t replace Rose, but he helped fill in part of that hole in her heart. She also loved going to him when she was really tired of Reaver’s bullshit. It was nice being able to get away from him every now and then. Walter never questioned their relationship but always there for Sparrow when she needed him.

It was only natural when she became queen, she had him assigned as both royal advisor and bodyguard, which he joked about a lot considering she definitely did not need a bodyguard. That’s also when they met Jasper who was previously a servant to some noble, but came to work in the castle after the queen was appointed. Sparrow loved Jasper’s quirkiness and enjoyed how motherly he seemed at times. Jasper filled the hole of Rose taking care of her. Jasper always found himself worrying about Sparrow because sometimes, she would forget to take baths or eat even when Walter tried to remind her. But never fear for Jasper was always there and was kind and gentle.

Sparrow’s relationship with Walter and Jasper was a nice break from Reaver. But she really had to lead it all back to him considering if it weren’t for him, she would never have met those two. She loved Walter and Jasper both in different ways and apart from Reaver. They were two more anchors to keep her happy. However, like her kids, they weren’t enough to keep her from embracing death. She asked Walter and Jasper to take care of Logan and Aelyn respectively which they honorably did.

#Fable #Fable 2 #Fable Sparrow #Sparrow #Sparrow ask #Ask meme

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goodluckdetective · 4 years ago

Text

Fic: Letters to Nowhere 1/3

Ship: Destiel, Sam/Eileen

Fandom: SPN

A03: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27829108/chapters/68131141

Warnings: Grief mostly

Tags: Angst with a happy ending, angst, found families

Characters: Dean, Sam, Castiel, Eileen, others in passing or in clips

Rating: PG-13

Length: 2k this chapter

Summary:

AU Post Inherit the Earth

After God is defeated, Sam decides to text the one person they're still missing with regular updates. Castiel can read them when he gets back. Because they are getting him back.

This isn’t Chuck’s story anymore. They’ve lost too much to him as it is. They’ve won: it’s time they feel like it. And act like it too.

Author’s Note:

It’s 2012 again, here’s Wonderwall.

This fanfic is not canon compliant after “Inherit the Earth” cus this is my city now. It’s been a really long time since I watched Supernatural, let alone wrote fic for it, so this is a bit like getting on an old rusty bike for me. I was dragged in with the news like everyone else, and because I am a firm believer of "fix canon yourself" here I am, writing fic for a fandom I only wrote for twice in my teens.

I wanted a Destiel reunion as much as anyone, but there are a lot of fics about that with the focus so I wanted to do something that also looked at Sam and Cas’ friendship. So this is a ship fic and a found family fic because I have two hands. I wanted this all to be a one shot, but it's 7K already and that's wild, so multi-chapter here we come. I hope to have this complete by the end of the year with an update weekly.

Fic below the cut:

He sends out the first one on the ride home from what should have been the end of the world with a dog in the backseat and the radio set to blast.

His phone has been beeping non-stop since Jack turned the lights back on. Dean’s too, though he can’t answer since he’s driving. Some messages he gets are from hunters he hasn’t heard from in years, folks he thought might have died on the job. He’s shocked they even remember what happened. The rest of the world didn’t. It’s such a departure from the last times they saved the world with nothing but silence and a new crisis to await them.

Eileen’s text to him causes his breath to catch. It’s a single sentence.

“This is real.”

If Dean notices him tearing up, he doesn’t mention it. He’s all eyes on the road, heading back to the Bunker like this was a regular job. After fifteen minutes of calls and messages, Sam opens his contacts to reach out to the one number he hasn’t heard from. His thumb lingers over “Castiel” about to press down when he remembers.

He looks to Dean, considering saying something, then decides better of it. The jubilation of their win sours in his head, the reminder that one person isn’t here to see it a depressing note on what should be their happy new beginning. They’d asked Jack to bring Cas back too, of course, but apparently his Godhood has limits when it comes to the empty. All he’d been able to provide them with was some leads to opening a portal and a wish of luck. No angel, no promise of resolution.

“Chuck would love this,” Sam thinks. “We can never have a victory without a loss to ruin it.”

Rage boils in his gut at the thought. This isn’t Chuck’s story anymore. He doesn’t get to dictate their life as an endless repeating tragedy. They’ve lost too much to him as it is. They’ve won: it’s time they feel like it. And act like it too.

He sends off the first message a few minutes later.

***

Hey man, it’s me, Sam.

I know this is kinda stupid: it’s not like you get bars in the Empty or anything. I don’t expect you to get these there. But when you get back, you should still have your phone (Dean said it went with you) and I plan to keep paying the bill so 1. You don’t have to ask someone for payphone quarters and 2. You can easily catch up on what you missed while you wait for us to pick you up.

We won. We are going to get you out of there. Promise.

***

So we won. Chuck is human now. Score one for Team Free Will 2.0.

But, Jack is gone. Not dead: he sorta became God. It’s a long story. Anyway, apparently Godhood means an anti-interference policy or something, so yeah he’s gone. I’m sorry you didn’t get to say goodbye.

He’s happy though. Which I guess is what matters, right?

We asked him about getting you back before he went hands off. He said he couldn’t grab you himself (something about the Empty being its own thing who knows) but he gave us some leads to start looking. Good leads too. And we’ve done more with less.

***

Eileen is waiting for them when they get back to the Bunker. Sam almost trips over his own feet to pull her into a hug. She laughs and hugs him back, and Sam was so sure he would only hear that laugh again on his voicemail that he starts crying on her nice jacket. She cries on him too, though Sam’s jacket is so covered in dirt and blood that the tears might actually make it cleaner.

Dean doesn’t say a word, just walks past them and mouths to Sam “I’ll be inside, loverboy” with a wink. The dog follows him. As soon as he vanishes behind the bunker door, Sam pulls Eileen into a kiss that is considered impolite to have in front of your sibling.

After they’ve both calmed down a fraction, Sam fills Eileen in on what she missed, signing as much as he knows. She looks devastated when he tells her about Cas, and Sam remembers that the two of them were starting to become friends. When he tells her about Jack she asks quite a few follow up questions trying to wrap her head around it all. Sam doesn’t blame her: he’s trying to wrap his head around it too.

“So, is it thank Jack now?” She signs, using the hand sign they came up for Jack’s name.

“I don’t think he’ll care either way.”

She walks towards the bunker, and Sam keeps step with her so she can see his face. “How’s Dean?”

“I don’t know,” Sam signs. “It’s hard to tell with him.” That feels like a massive understatement. Sam is sure he knows Dean the best out of everyone on the planet, but still his brother manages to surprise him. Sam can read through Dean’s bullshit better than most and he’s faster to get a clue when something is up, but figuring out how Dean is doing often feels like decoding a spell. Sam can get the general idea from just looking at it, but for the particulars, he has to put in legwork to decipher exactly what’s on his brother’s mind. All he knows at the moment is that Dean is not okay. The rest is a guessing game until Sam has more clues or Dean spills his guts.

They walk into the door and head down the stairs. Sam can see the dog, a giant ball of white fur, running around the wooden table in the middle, tail wagging.

“The dog is a surprise,” he signs. Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Castiel and Jack’s names carved into the table and feels a pang of loss. Eileen walks up to the dog.

“Really?”

“I thought he hated them. They have bad history.” History is perhaps an understatement, but Dean’s trauma from Hell is not his to tell. He reaches down to pet the dog behind the ears and they bark happily. The dog makes a pitiful noise when Sam stops petting them to sign to Eileen. “I’m going to see where he went.”

Eileen nods, bending down to spoil their new furry friend. Sam heads down the hallway towards Dean’s room. When he doesn’t find him there, somehow, he knows where to look. Dean told him where it happened. Past the bookshelves and the door with Cas’ blood on it is Dean, staring at the wall. His palm is against it, head bowed.

“Dean?” Sam says, voice soft, trying not to startle. Dean keeps his pose for a second then turns around to take in Sam, a fake smile falling across his face. Sam knows it well: it’s too large, too tight at the edges, and it doesn’t reach Dean’s eyes. It’s the kind of smile they put on to talk to civilians on cases, the one to disarm and encourage the feeling that “everything’s alright.”

Sam has always hated seeing it directed at him. It’s a clue that translates to “something Dean doesn’t think Sam can fix.”

“Sorry, just taking a minute,” Dean says. He walks past Sam before Sam can say another word. “Do you know if Eileen is hungry? I think it’s time for dinner.”

Sam watches him go then turns back to the wall. He knows the significance of this room without being told, just from the sigil on the door and the upturned books. This was where Castiel died. Where the Empty took him.

“What the hell happened here?” Sam asks the empty space. He doesn’t get a reply but it’s not like he expected one. He knows Cas can’t hear him, but just in case, he closes his eyes and directs the question as a prayer, though the wording is slightly different.

“Cas, what the hell happened to you?”

***

[A photo is attached of a large white dog with floppy ears, lying on a bed next to a sleeping Dean. Both dog and man are drooling, the latter onto his pillow, the former onto Dean’s shirt. A dog bed rests in the corner of the room, unused.]

So Dean has a dog now. Her name is Miracle. She’s been here for two days and she already runs the place. Dean even let her have some of his bacon. I checked to make sure he wasn’t possessed just in case. He didn’t think it was funny.

I was shocked Dean wanted to keep her. You know how he is with dogs. But he insisted. And I guess it’s working out because well...you can see the picture.

Might start calling myself Uncle Sam to get on his nerves. I’ll report back on how that goes should I survive.

I’m looking into a book Jack told me to start at. There’s a spell in it, one to summon someone who might be able to help us help you. Don’t worry, no deal making required.

Hope to see you soon.

***

Dean is the one to tell Claire. Sam offers to do it for him, but Dean blows him off, gets in the Impala and drives down to deliver the news in person. He refuses to let Sam come with.

“This isn’t shit you should hear over a phone,” Dean says. “It’s my fault he’s gone. I should at least tell her myself.”

Sam is on edge the entire time he’s gone. When Dean comes back, he looks like absolute crap, and when he falls back in a chair, Miracle is quick to run to his side and place her head in his lap. Sam watches Dean pet her half heartedly behind the ears.

“That bad, huh,” Sam says. Dean reaches to pet Miracle under her chin.

“Kid lost enough. Don’t blame her for lashing out at the dude who cost her more.”

“Dean it’s not your-”

Dean looks up at him and his expression is stone. Sam’s words die on his lips. He knows better than to try to talk to Dean when he’s like this. Not unless he wants it to go badly.

This is another clue, he thinks. Dean blames himself for whatever happened and not just in his general “the world is my fault” way. Dean confirms it himself the next second he speaks.

“You don’t know what happened. And it is. Trust me Sam, it is.” He stands up and pats the dog on her head. “And it will be until we get him back. So any leads?”

Sam takes the distraction, but he makes a mental note not to let the conversation go. For now.

***

[Text is from a number belonging to contact “Claire Novak, FBI Cell”]

Fuck you for leaving me too.

***

Went to clean up your room a bit so it doesn’t get too dusty. Found it already in good shape. I think Dean has been keeping the cobwebs away. He really misses you, you know? He’s taking this...hard. I’m worried. I’m always worried but you know what I mean.

Also, I saw your collection of IDs. Agent Lizzo? Really? Did anyone buy that?

When you get back, we should make you some ones with some artists who aren’t as conspicuous as a lie. I’m shocked you didn’t get busted.

The ingredients for this summoning spell are kind of nuts, and they’re going to take time to gather. I’m using Rowena’s stash to make up most of it, but the real problem is making a lyre out of some petrified wood. We have to steal some from a National Forest Preserve. It’s an easy heist, but it’s kinda weird to be trying to con just some Park Rangers.

Also, do angels know how to play a lyre or is that just a stereotype? I’ve been up for over twenty seven hours reading this thing and I have to know. Tell me when you get back.

Also, what do you know about Orpheus?

#spn #spn fic #supernatural #supernatural fic #destiel #Iz writes #yes boo if you must

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hypocrisyofandrewdobson · 4 years ago

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Alex Ze Pirate Reboot Book 3

Greetings friends. You may remember me from such submissions as Alex Ze Pirate Reboot Pitch and the looser Sequel Book pitch. I've been meaning to write a third entry while under quarantine, but didn't really have anything I liked until recently, when THOAD reblogged the analysis of Sam. Originally, my plan was to make a story more focused on one of the other crew, but instead I'm going to do something different to my normal work and rewrite an established arc instead of coming up with something new.

---

Chapter One

We begin at a trading post where Alex is haggling for drinks at a bar, the crew except for Peggy are hanging out there and seem to be in good spirits. Peggy comes in with the mail and hands Sam a letter. Immediately his spirits sink and he starts moping, though no one really pays much attention.

At the end of the night, Sam asks Alex if they could head back to Nina's port so he can take care of some personal business, but after last time, Alex has no interest in returning. Sam then offers to leave and go by himself but gets hit for this and then ordered back to the ship. That night he tries to sneak aboard a lifeboat but discovers Atea drilling holes in them under orders from Alex.

Sam finally explains what's going on. The girl he gave the treasure chest to in the first book, named Jan, is sick, possibly dying, and he wants to go say goodbye. Atea points out that he'd have no idea how to get to the town and probably wouldn't make it on a rowboat. Sam asks Atea to try and convince Alex to give him a ride, which Atea says would never happen. Sam shrugs and walks back into town, looking down, as Atea calls out to him, saying sometimes people don't get what they want.

Chapter Two

A week later, the ship is out to sea. Sam is snappy at first but Alex is having none of it and the rest of the crew aren't all that sympathetic. Soon, another ship comes up beside them. Alex realises they're going to try and board and calls to arms.

Atea hands out the guns as Sam goes below deck to man the cannons. Unfortunately, he preps and fires on the wrong side, so the other ship is able to board. The crew draw swords and fight the attackers, when they're struck by smoke bombs and Alex realises that none other than Nina the Ninja is on the crew.

Nina dashes through the smoke and heads down below deck. Alex tries to go after her but is caught up fighting. As the smoke clears, Nina bursts out of the hold with a sack and runs back to her own ship, calling a retreat. The other crew leaves and Alex wonders what was taken.

Later, after a look through the ship, Atea reports there was no significant damage, Talus reports that the supplies are fine and Peggy reports that none of the treasure was taken. Alex reasons that the sack she saw must have been a trick of the light and that everything's fine. Meanwhile, on the other ship, Nina has Sam.

Chapter Three

The crew finally figures out Sam is gone and realise Nina probably took him to her home port. At first Alex has no interest in getting Sam back, reasoning that it's not worth risking getting arrested again just for the unworthy slob. Her attitude soon changes when everything goes to hell.

As they set their destination, the crew starts to argue over who should do the cleaning as it's getting filthy despite their habits not changing. It becomes clear just how much he did for the crew, not just cleaning but by being a lightning rod for their abuse they never turned on each other.

Realising they need him back to set things in order, they set up a temporary truce and agree to just live in filth since Sam will clean it up when he comes back.

Meanwhile, on Nina's ship, she enters a cabin to see how Sam's doing. He's looking over the letter he got and hoping he can make it to Jan in time. We also learn that *Dun dun dun!* he was the one who contacted Nina so she'd come get him and take him to the orphanage.

Chapter Four

It's been weeks since the main crew has washed anything and the ship is absolutely disgusting. But there is hope, they're a day away from the port town and they can see the other ship in the distance. But they're still wanted crooks and possibly outnumbered. So they get in the fixed rowboat and, as quietly as they can, row out to the ship in the early morning.

The four get on board and try to sneak on, but unfortunately due to the fact that sound carries over water, the other ship knew they were coming and throws them in the brig. Alex demands to see Nina, but Atea points out that Sam isn't in there with them. Alex wonders what's going on, but reasons it won't matter since they'll eventually find him.

The ship reaches port and starts to dock as Peggy reveals he keeps gunpowder in his socks. They blow their way out of the brig, steal some swords and fight their way to the deck, where they see Nina pulling Sam along as they run across the docks.

Chapter Five

Peggy heads back below decks as Atea and Talus deal with the crew. Alex fights her way through and reaches the docks. She calls out for Sam, but he seems to not hear her. Sam and Nina reach the street and are about to turn into an alley, when the building explodes, knocking them to the ground.

Peggy congratulates himself on nailing the shot as Nina and Sam get to their feet. Nina sees Alex coming and yells at Sam that they need to move. Sam sees her and takes off, pointing out there's another way.

The cannon fire has brought the guards attention and when they see Alex, they rightly assume she has something to do with it. She manages to evade the guards and continues chasing, not wanting to let Nina win.

Nina and Sam reach the orphanage, Nina telling Sam to get inside while she holds Alex off. Nina and Alex fight, Nina pointing out how stupid and selfish Alex is being, but Ze Captain will never admit to fault and refuses to listen.

Nina missteps into a pothole and gives Alex an opening to knock her down. Laughing in glee, Alex storms into the orphanage and runs through, shouting for Sam. She finally finds him, kneeling next to a figure covered with a white sheet, with tears in his eyes.

He was too late.

Chapter Six

Alex shuts up, having the decency to look somewhat ashamed. Nina rushes in and sees Sam, realising what happened. Sam mutters than Jan died five minutes previously. This just pisses off Nina, who yells at Alex that if she hadn't delayed them, they would have made it with plenty of time to spare.

Unable to accept fault, Alex fires back that Sam had a duty to the crew when he signed on and knew they couldn't come back without risking capture. She goes on a tirade, insisting this was all Sam and Nina's fault. Nina has had enough and is about to attack, when Sam pleads with them not to do this in front of Jan's body. Out of respect, Nina walks away. Alex does too, but not before telling Sam he has ten minutes and then she expects him to head back to the docks.

Outside, the guards arrest Alex and throw her in a cell with the other three. But they're not worried, they know about Sam's account from the second book and know he'll bail them out again. And he does. He heads to the bank, withdraws enough for bail and heads for the jail, when Nina stops him.

Realising no matter what she says, Sam will probably defend Alex or insist that their friends, Nina tries a different tactic. She offers to bail the crew out herself and tells Sam he should use his money for Jan's funeral. Sam admits he'd rather do this and agrees.

However, she's lying. The crew are sentenced to hard labour, but Alex is in denial throughout the trial, insisting Sam is about to walk through the doors with the money. It never happens, Nina told Sam that the crew would be released in a week.

In the cemetery, a bunch of children who knew Jan lay flowers on her grave as Sam stands there with Nina. Nina walks away to a nearby cliff where she sees the other four being forced onto a prison ship. Alex swears vengeance against Sam and Nina for her predicament and the ship heads off into the sunset.

---

I'm wondering whether I went too far with this but I'm considering if I kept writing these that Alex and the others would actually make for an interesting team of villains. Of course, when I finished the book two pitch I thought the next one would be a story where Peggy runs into some old friends and we have his origin in flashbacks connected to the current adventure.

Also, not sure about killing Jan. Maybe I should have said she was pregnant with Sam's kid and that's what causes him to ditch the crew but with Sam, he'd probably try to bring the kid and her along, or try to stay with the crew so he could work to support them.

Anyway, as always let me know what you guys think and thanks for reading my dumb fan fic that I've probably put way more thought into than Dobson ever did. Seeya next time.

“Hey, nice to see a Part 3 from you! As for the story itself, it’s definitely different, but it’s an interesting take on the story, so I think it can work well. And there’s setup for additional tension once Sam finds out that Nina lied to him. Sam not making it in time is definitely a tragic moment, one that could also help him decide to not deal with Alex and crew anymore. On the other hand, him getting them in time to have one last conversation(let’s say a minute or so) could work too, if the girl tells him to be happy or something similar. At any rate, well done with this. I definitely enjoyed reading it!” -THOAD

#Submission #andrew dobson #adobsonartworks #alex ze pirate #sam #nina ninja #tom preston #adobsonart #long post #submission

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talesofafangirlwithadvr · 5 years ago

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What to Binge Watch While in Quarantine

Do you feel yourself running out of things to watch on DVR or you don’t know which streaming platform to explore for your next watch? Or do you just find yourself with more time on your hands and don’t know what to do? If you answered yes to any of these questions I hope this thread helps you out. A lot of these picks are some of my top choices no matter what the case (which means I might have spoken about them before-possibly A LOT. Or they may be upcoming March picks, which just shows how great they really are). So without further a do here are some things you should consider bingeing as you maintain your social distancing and seek a form of escape...

Need a laugh?

Check out DERRY GIRLS

This half hour comedy (which honestly should be longer because the episodes go by too fast and there are not enough of them in the seasons) follows Erin Quinn as she navigates high school during the 1990s in Northern Ireland. She attends an all girl Catholic school along with her cousin Orla, and friends Michelle, Clare and James. (That’s right James also attends the all girls school. He’s a Brit and it would be too dangerous for him to attend the boys school during this time of civil unrest.) As the girls experience trivial problems like how to get to a concert or how to avoid people eating pot brownies at a funeral, the historic problems play out in the background. During the pandemic we’re experiencing we can take away living in the moment like these girls from Derry and not overly stressing on big world problems.

Streaming on Netflix

Wanting more of a ROM COM kind of escapism?

Then look no further than the Netflix original Set it Up.

Two assistants, Harper and Charlie, work in the same building and are experiencing a very “Devil wears Prada” relationship with each of their bosses. They meet one night at work after hours and believe they have the worse boss. A plan gets set in motion to set up their terrible bosses with each other. Then when they’re happy, the two assistants can have their lives back. You already see where this is probably going and who this love story is actually following: Harper and Charlie. I’ve been raving about this movie since 2018 when it first came out and it is still just as great as the first time I watched it. It honestly still gives hope for a great romantic comedy.

Streaming on Netflix.

Up for a good mystery?

Give Cw’s Nancy Drew a try.

One of the Cw’s latest new shows this season, Nancy Drew, re-invents the classic stories we all know and love with a more darker and supernatural spin. If you like Riverdale and the Chilling Adventures of Sabrina then this might be right up your alley. However, as someone who doesn’t watch Riverdale and didn’t fall in love with Sabrina, I am still a big fan of this new adaptation of Nancy Drew. I feel like I’ve experienced a roller coaster of reviews with this one, from really liking it to not so much (because there was too much of the supernatural involved and I just wanted a good mystery) to now really liking it again. I think I just needed some time to understand the vibe of it all and now that I really know the characters I’m liking it a lot. I’m also excited it has been renewed for a second season.

You can catch up with all 16 episodes now on the CW app or online cwtv.com. New episodes return in April.

Want more of a magical kind of mystery?

Then you gotta watch Locke and Key.

Thanks to Netflix’s new trending list I decided to check out Locke and Key and I am so happy I did. It was fantastic and I can’t wait for season two. Based on the graphic novel by the same name, the series follows the Locke siblings who have just witnessed their father’s murder before traveling cross-country with their mother to his ancestral home, Key house. The house is filled with these magical keys that all have different properties from getting into your mind and looking at your deepest thoughts and desires, a key that opens any door and can take you anywhere, or one that opens a music box that lets you control people. The kids get drawn to the keys and unlock a deeper mystery of the keys and how their dad was involved in it all. Plus, there’s a sinister presence that is after the keys and will stop at nothing to get what they want. Definitely worth checking out!

Streaming on Netflix.

Need some music in your life?

You must watch Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist

This show gets better and better each episode. After a freak accident, Zoey gets the ability to hear people’s innermost feelings through song and dance. She’s the only who can hear it, which means she needs to help the person get through the problem in their life. Each episode has a good amount of musical numbers from popular songs to classics and even musicals. Great cast. There is not one character I don’t like. If you are a fan of Glee I would highly suggest checking it out. It’s the show that often gets compared to it, but you don’t have to be a fan of Glee to enjoy it. I wasn’t a die-heart fan and I’m loving Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist. It’s a feel good watch that is just what we need at a difficult time like this.

Watch it on NBC on demand.

Did you love High School Musical?

Then why haven’t you watched High School Musical the Musical the Series?

This show has been promoted since Disney Plus was released back in November. There was a lot of hype over it, which made me unsure if it would be worth it, but I gotta say that I really enjoyed it overall. A cross between Glee and the Office, HSMTMTS follows students who attend the school the Disney Original Movie Series was filmed. When the new drama teacher comes to “East High” she is shocked that the drama department has never put on the musical for themselves. There’s a love triangle(s), a large cast of talented singers, drama and mystery. Great new songs that will get stuck in your head and the promise for a second season with a brand new musical to perform. (I’m just bummed it’s Beauty and the Beast and not HSM 2). The episodes are only about 25 minutes and you’ll find yourself finished with the 10 episode season in a matter of hours.

Now streaming on Disney+.

Feeling a telenovela musical?

Then Violetta is for you!

Drama, laughs, love, and music (with more catchy songs you won’t be able to get out of your head), this Disney original from Buenos Aires has it all. You will get sucked into the episodes just like I did and be shocked how far into the series you are in such a short amount of time. I watched all 80 episodes (that are about 40 minutes a piece) in a matter of 2 months. (And now I’m upset that Disney Plus hasn’t released season 2!!) The show follows Violetta Castillo who has just returned home after traveling the globe with her father for years. She wants to be like a regular kid and attend school rather than having a tutor, but her father forbids it. He’s over protective because her mother was a famous singer who then tragically died. He ties it back to the music and forbids Violetta from performing as well. Throughout the first season, she is exposed to a music school where she makes new friends, enemies, and becomes a part of a love triangle (naturally). In the process she rises to be one of the most talented performers, but constantly is worried her dad will find out the truth and make them move again.

Streaming now on Disney+.

Needing a Sci-Fi fix?

Tune into the Cw’s Pandora.

The show aired on the Cw this summer and needs more love and recognition. I was surprised over how much I enjoyed it. When each episode aired I wanted to watch it right away, which then made me upset because I had to wait a week, but you won’t have that problem! The show takes place in the future in the year 2199. Our main character Jax witnesses her family getting tragically killed and is forced back to Earth to live with her uncle who runs a training academy. Jax enrolls in the school and makes several friends a long the way (there are so many ships on this show that I often had trouble deciding who I liked with who). While at the academy she starts to piece together that her family’s death might not have been an accident and that more lies behind it as well as her own past. There were times when I was confused by how much time had passed from the last episode because characters would be very close or references would get made and I’d be like: Did I miss something? But despite all of that I really enjoyed it and am happy there will be a season 2. It feels very Cw in the best way possible, so if you already watch a lot of shows on the network then you should give this one a try.

Watch the entire first season on the CW app or online @ cwtv.com

Wanting an ironic watch in this difficult time?

Then add Daybreak to your queue.

This Netflix original had been on my list for a while and once the Corona virus was getting more and more serious I felt I needed something to take my mind off of it and also to have a good laugh. Daybreak is doing just that. (I am currently still watching the series so I don’t have a full review just yet.) This show takes place during the aftermath of a nuclear attack. In this apocalypse adults have turned into “zombie-like figures” who are muttering the last thought they had (often a very funny one). The kids are now in charge and each clique in high school has a territory. We follow social-outcast/new kid at school. Josh who is on the search for the love of his life, Sam, that he lost during the night of the explosion. Along the way he finds allies and they form their own tribe. This show is constantly breaking the fourth wall, having characters directly talk and look at us. I thought I would hate it, but I actually really like that feature and am kind of upset now that Josh has not narrated an episode in a while.

Now streaming on Netflix.

Still looking for more laughs?

Add Kelsey’s 100 Baby Challenge to your Watch Later

Throughout last year, Buzzfeed multiplayer’s Kelsey Immpicciche took up the 100 baby challenge in the Sims 4. What she thought would be a fun challenge and a couple videos blew up into a full series spanning 50 episodes, multiple spin-off series and even a line of clothing (which I am happy to say I own a sweatshirt). Who would have thought watching someone play the Sims and try to have 100 babies with all different parents would be so much fun? Kelsey has made me want to play the Sims and have my very own 100 baby challenge. This challenge is hilarious and fun. I loved all of Kelsey’s commentary as she plays as well as reading the comment section where everyone tries to give her tips. It’s so exciting to see how so many people got involved in this challenge. I hope she continues for season 2 soon!

You can watch all of season 1 on YouTube.

Need a change in location?

Venture back in time and to Prince Edward Island with Anne with an E.

L.M. Montgomery’s beloved series is adapted with a fresh new take on her classic characters and setting. Across Anne with an E’s three seasons we watch Anne Shirley come to Green Gables and form a family with Matthew and Marilla Cuthbert. We watch her shake up school and form life long friends. Something that I love about this series is that it is able to incorporate so many of the issues our society is facing today. While not always 100% accurate to the original novels, the show takes liberties with the source material and expands upon it to create something audiences can see as an echo of our conflicts. While this has been a problem for some, I think, once you realize this, you can enjoy the series even more. I know of so many people who have turned to the book after watching and falling in love with this series. Now, during this time, it is the perfect form of escapism. With each season spanning about 10 episodes you will be done and wanting more just like I am. I’m still upset the series has not been renewed.

Streaming now on Netflix.

Early Releases:

LITTLE WOMEN is now available on digital copy.

FROZEN 2 has been released early to Disney Plus.

Rumor is that EMMA will be released on digital copy as early as March 20th.

With so much to watch I hope that you can endure this quarantine happily. If there’s a show you’d like to add to the list make sure to attach it below in a comment or by sharing this post!

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ma-sulevin · 5 years ago

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WHOA it’s here. It’s not finished because there are going to be like two more chapters, but GOOD NEWS that’s more smut for you. There’s also, like, actually a little plot this time.

Pairing: James Vega/Avery Ryder Rating: E Warnings: No warnings, just smut. Check out the tags on AO3. Word Count: 5969, chapter one of three.

Read it on AO3 instead, or catch up on their story from the beginning.

---

Avery’s halfway through her third reading of an article her doctor gave her about why the new synthetic DNA that had been found mixed with most humans after the end of the Reaper War had made the most popular contraceptive implants less effective when her omnitool chimes with James’ special chime. She jumps and drops the datapad. It clatters to the floor and Jonesy opens one eye to glare at her from where he’s napping on the other chair.

The orange interface pops up when she lifts her wrist to display James’ message: I found the perfect hotel for when you visit! Dec 30-Jan 5 still good??

Oh, James. She’s going to have to tell him before January. It's a few months away, but… she's going to have to tell him.

Another message comes through as she’s considering the first. I know you’ve been sick so thought I’d cheer you up. And then: Whatdid the doctor say?

She closes her omnitool without replying. She can’t talk to him right now. She can’t. She needs to talk this out before she brings him into it, needs to weigh her options and have… she needs help. She would have talked to her mom about all this, before, would have called her up when she first felt sick and gotten a ride to the doctor and then had someone to comfort her when she wanted to cry after.

Every unsafe encounter they had plays out behind her eyelids, in vivid detail: the broken condom, the drunken fuck behind Sam’s house, the sober but ill-advised condom-free sex the rest of the weekend before he shipped out.

One of those times did it.

They’re not goddamn teenagers. This was stupid, and they should have known better. There’s not any fucking excuse for this.

Her omnitool vibrates as James calls her, and she answers out of habit before she realizes what she’s doing.

“Hey, birdie!” His voice is optimistic, almost aggressively so, and she realizes he’s probably convinced she’s dying and doesn’t want to tell him. “You home yet?”

“Yeah, I’m home,” she says, and then… shit.

She chokes on a sob as her vision starts to swim, and she claps a hand over her mouth to stop herself from making any noise that will out her reaction to James.

It doesn’t work.

“What’s wrong?” His response is immediate, his voice low and comforting, and when she doesn’t respond right away she hears him shuffling around over the audio connection. He says something she can’t hear to someone she can’t see, then a door clicks closed and he’s speaking to her again, “Talk to me, Avery. What did the doctor say?”

She clears her throat and wipes at her eyes. “I, uh. I’m pregnant.”

His response is slower this time. It gives her enough time to take a few gasping breaths and for Jonesy to drag himself away from the sun and drape himself over her lap instead, a spot of comfort for the human who took him in after the reapers left.

“What?”

“Yeah, uh… I guess I’m due at the beginning of June.”

She can hear him sighing over the connection, a long exhale that makes her eyes well with more tears. She didn’t mean for this to happen, she thought she was preventing it, even if she wasn’t being as careful as she should have been.

“Birdie,” he says, still kind of sighing, “I thought you were going to tell me something awful.”

“I wouldn’t say this is great news.”

“But you’re okay, you’re not sick.” There’s more shuffling from his end of the line, more mysterious noises she can’t put a name to since he’s on the other side of the planet. “I’ve been worried about you.”

“I’m sorry,” she says, miserable, voice on the edge of cracking again.

“It isn’t your fault—”

“It kinda is, though.” Avery’s not ready to let it go, but James doesn’t seem to be either.

“If anyone’s to blame,” he interrupts, voice a little louder to get her attention before it returns to the lower, more serious tone he’s been using, “it’s me. I wasn’t being careful, and I’m sorry.”

Avery groans and pulls Jonesy up to press her face into his fur. He chirps a little and lets her, starting to purr under her attention. “We can do this all day. I know, I know we said we’re going to try the whole long-distance boyfriend-girlfriend thing, but… this isn’t something we talked about, and I’m not asking you for anything. I don’t want you to feel, like, trapped or anything.”

“We did talk about it.” James doesn’t quite cut her off again, but it’s a near thing, and her temper starts to spark and then fades right away at his words. “You told me you wanted a family, and I said we’d make beautiful babies, and then we started making out on your sink.”

“That’s not really, that’s not really talking about it,” she protests, ignoring the warmth in her cheeks at the memory. “Not, like, ‘what if this happens this weekend,’ talking about it, it was more like ‘generally in the future we have this in common.’ Right?”

“Sure, but…” He trails off, muffles a groan, starts again. “I told you before, I’m not Alec. You don’t have to doubt me. I know this is, uh, way sooner than we thought it would be, but if you’re in this, I’m in this. All the way.”

Avery starts crying again, quietly this time. She hadn’t really had enough time to think about how James would react, but this is more than she could have hoped for. He doesn’t even sound worried or scared or any of the other emotions that have been swirling around in her mind since she found out.

He just sounds… supportive.

Here for her.

No matter what.

“If you still can, I still want you to visit in January. I found a great little house on the beach, it’s new construction obviously, but it’s in the old style. You’ll love it.”

She wipes her nose with the back of her hand. “January?”

“Yeah, birdie.” He sounds hopeful now, more relaxed, and she smiles despite herself. “It’ll be nice and hot, and I have a few days off between training. It’ll be perfect. Just the… just the three of us.”

She laughs, just a little, and James does too.

“Come on, we’re in this together, right? I miss you.”

“I miss you too.” A pause, as she considers, tries to figure out how pregnant she’ll be in January, decides it’s probably okay. “I’ll come see you.”

“Fuck yeah,” he says, and she can hear the smile in his voice, can picture it so clearly in her mind. “I can’t wait.”

And, despite the tears still threatening to come back, she can’t either.

—-

James is fucking terrified. He’d never ever tell Avery that in a million years, absolutely unwilling to freak her out or make her worry for even a second that he’s going to leave her or treat their baby like Alec treated her, but he’s terrified about the future.

Sam gets an earful about it every time he comes up with a new concern, and she calms him down or calls him an idiot, depending on what the problem is, at least once a week. With her on his side, he’s able to listen to Avery’s worries and excitement (depending on where her mood has swung) and calm her down or gas her up, whatever she needs, whatever support he can offer her from the other side of the planet.

N-school is tough, and he’s exhausted so much of the time, and he misses her with every fiber of his being. He wants to be there with her right now, he wants to be home in her apartment, but every time he casually mentions putting off N-school for a year or two, she yells at him.

She’s not going to be the reason he puts off his dreams, even if his dreams are keeping them apart.

They’re starting a family at the worst possible time, and he can’t be with her, and he’s in love with her and she doesn’t even know it yet because he’s too much of a fucking coward to tell her.

He keeps trying, wants to tell her when they’re video chatting, staying up way too late to share their secrets; he wants to tell her every time she sends him an ultrasound, every time she sends him a picture of her belly as it grows (he still thinks it’s pretty small, even though she insists she already feels big), every time she sends him a dirty picture when he’s in class, and every time she smiles at him, flushed and happy, over a late-night vid call that ended in yet another round of phone sex.

He wants to tell her, but he’s a coward, and he’s afraid of her response, and anyway, shouldn’t that kind of confession be in person?

That’s what he’s been telling himself at least, and so he’s kept his mouth shut, and he’s fucking terrified because he’s going to be a dad and he’s in love with his girlfriend and he’s standing at the shuttleport with flowers clutched in sweaty hands because he wants to give her every good thing in the world.

He’s not prepared to see her being pushed in a wheelchair by a put-upon employee, looking absolutely murderous as she slouches with her shoulders up around her ears.

She catches his eyes and her face flashes as red as her hair, but she still points him out to the man pushing her. They change course and head straight for him, the employee looking at James with something like pity before he manages to smooth his expression back out into something politely neutral.

“What the — what happened?”

He looks from Avery to the man helping her and back, completely torn, flowers forgotten in his hands as he lowers them to his side.

Avery hauls in a deep breath. “You get a little motion sick—”

“She passed out, sir,” the man says, obviously done with Avery’s bullshit if the interruption and somewhat dead expression in his eyes is any indication. “It’s company policy to assist ill passengers to either medical help or to their destinations.”

“Okay, uhh, thank you.” James stares at him for another minute before moving a little closer and offering Avery his free hand. She takes it with a mutinous expression and stands up mostly under her own power, stumbling a little before she’s fully upright. She flushes red again, this time, he thinks, in embarrassment. “Do you have — oh, thanks.”

The man hands James a duffle bag and takes the wheelchair with him as he leaves, and James stands staring at Avery for several seconds before he manages to find his words.

“You passed out?”

She shrugs and avoids his eyes. “Just a little.”

“Birdie—”

“I just get motion sick anyway and the baby makes it worse. I promise I’m okay. Hey.” She finally looks up and meets his eyes, reaches out and puts her hands on his waist. “I missed you.”

The little knot of terror and worry relaxes a little when he sees her smiling at him, a soft expression aimed at him, close enough to kiss… so he does, leaning down and pressing his lips to hers in the softest kiss he can manage as she tries to push herself closer and hold him in place with her fingers tugging at his shirt.

He forces himself back up to his full height and smiles widely at the little pout she gives him.

“C’mon, let’s go to the house. Here.” He hands her the flowers he brought with him, excitement briefly overwhelming the anxiety that’s been plaguing him. She smiles and gives the bouquet a tentative sniff before inhaling again, more deeply.

He waits for her to pass judgment — on the flowers, on him, on the trip in general — and he’s still staring at her when she opens her eyes and offers him a wide, bright smile. She looks more like her old self, the one he remembers from London, color coming back into her cheeks and something playful in her expression.

“Get moving, soldier. We have a vacation to start.”

He grins down at her and slings her duffle over his shoulder before taking her hand. She lets him pull her outside to flag down a taxi, then she snuggles up against his side and slips her hand into the back pocket of his jeans.

“I’m glad you could come.” He wraps his free arm around her shoulders and squeezes, and when she giggles, the noise is pressed against his ribs. He glances down and all he can see is one of her eyes as she peers up sideways at him.

“You’re going to be extra glad when you see what I brought.”

A taxi pulls up and the driver pops the trunk for her bag. James detangles himself from her, taking a second to enjoy the sight of her smirking at him with one hand resting on the bump that her shirt mostly hides.

“Oh? You bring something fun?”

She shrugs one shoulder and then somehow manages to look up at him from under her lashes without moving, and his heart does a funny little flip in his chest that has nothing to do with the promise written on her face and more to do with the confession he wants to make.

“A few things I think you’ll enjoy. You have to wait.”

He opens the door for her and snags a lingering kiss before she climbs in, swiping his tongue against her lower lip just to see the way it makes her eyes go dark and her lips part a bit.

Dios, she’s beautiful.

He loves her.

She climbs in the taxi with a wink, and he follows her without another word.

—-

He’s a little disappointed but not particularly surprised when she falls asleep on the way to their little rental house, her head tucked against his shoulder and her fingers tangled up in his like she never wants to let go.

She snores a little bit the whole way there, earning her several amused looks from the driver. James just keeps her hand tight in his and the warmth locked in his chest.

He can’t stop himself from smiling, though, not with her resting against him.

It almost makes him wish he hadn’t come to N-school at all.

She’s groggy when he wakes her up, rubbing at her eyes and smearing her mascara without noticing, and he ushers her into the rental without stopping to point out how close they are to the ocean, how private it is with the closely-growing foliage, or how he came out early and stocked the kitchen so they’d only have to go out in public if they want to. He just points her in the direction of the bed and takes off her shoes when she drops onto the blankets without undressing at all.

He putters around the house, looking for something to do to give her space. He puts the flowers in water, puts her bag up next to his, then eventually settles on the bed next to her with the datapad he wasn’t supposed to bring to work on reports for N-school he isn’t supposed to start until after she goes back to London.

He wonders if she’ll be willing to ask for a transfer to Brazil, or if she’ll want to stay in London where she has more friends, something of a support system for when he’s too busy or gone.

At least in London, she has Sam.

He decides he won’t ask.

At some point, she rolls over and shifts higher up the bed, opening one eye to stare at him like she’s not sure who he is or why he’s in her bed, then she blinks and a slow smile stretches across her face. She reaches out one hand for him, and he wraps his fingers around hers until she falls back asleep about ten seconds later.

It’s the cutest fucking thing he’s ever seen.

She finally wakes up after a couple hours and staggers to the bathroom without saying anything. She pops back out a minute later, all smiles, shaking out red hair that’s almost down to her elbows now.

He puts the datapad away and moves to sit up right at the edge of the mattress.

“Feel better?”

“Mhm…” She comes to stand between his knees and he lets his hands rest on her hips, easy as anything, like it hasn’t been nearly five months since he’s seen her. She stops playing with her hair and runs her fingers into his the best she can with most of it so short. “You shouldn’t’ve let me sleep so long.”

He slips his hands up under her shirt to rest against her skin. “You needed it.”

She makes a quiet little humming noise, not really agreeing or disagreeing, and leans in close like she’s going to kiss him. Their noses brush together, but she doesn’t press her lips to his, and he can’t help but tighten his grip on her.

“You know what else I need?”

He thinks he has a pretty good idea, but when he tilts his head up to kiss her, she stays just far enough away so he can’t.

“Birdie…”

She dips her head and he tilts his chin up, but she refuses to come close enough, her fingers tightening on his scalp in a way that sends shivers of pleasure down his spine.

He loves when she’s like this.

He loves it.

“I believe I was promised a nice, big, delicious —” He tries to pull her closer mid-sentence, but she resists as her grin grows, “—fruity drink, and a white-sand beach, and a chance to show off the little bikini I bought.”

She nips his lower lip instead of kissing him and slips out of his grip as he groans. He can hear her giggling to herself as she grabs her bag and disappears back into the bathroom with it, leaving him to sit on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands.

He’s been waiting so long to get his hands on her and he can’t even lie to himself to say he’s annoyed with her teasing.

He loves that too.

He’s still sitting on the bed when she emerges from the bathroom once more, this time in the little bikini she’d promised, the one he’d requested be held together with strings. It’s tiny and black, and it shows off her curves, and all he can think about is tangling his fingers in all that red hair and refusing to let her out of the house all week.

He doesn’t realize he’s just staring at her with his mouth open until she starts to laugh, walking closer with an exaggerated sway in her step to stand between his knees again.

She tips his chin up with her fingers. “See something you like?”

“Uhh… can I…” His hands hover in the air on either side of her stomach, a swirl of confusing feelings washing over him. He wants to yank her into his lap, roll them over on the bed, absolutely devour her; he wants to take her to the beach, take her to his favorite restaurant, show her off to the world; he wants to hold her and tell her she’s beautiful, that he loves her, that he can’t wait to meet their baby. He wants.

She’s smiling at him still, but it’s a little softer, something in her eyes he can’t quite identify. “Go ahead.”

He’s tentative as he finally touches her, hands running over her biotic-warm skin, over scars and skin weaves and the surprisingly firm slope that leads down to her belly button. He brushes his fingertips across her skin, just the barest of touches, and she rests her hands on the small of her back as she waits for him to finish exploring this new part of her.

“Is she, um. Is she awake?” The question feels silly, he feels silly for asking it, but Avery doesn’t look like she’s laughing at him.

She just looks happy.

She puts her hand next to his as she shakes her head, then she pushes hard against the bump. “Nope. Lazy little thing.”

“Hey, growing is a hard job.” He leans forward and kisses the biggest part of the bump, then just under the string of her bikini top in something meant to be little gestures of affection but that makes her inhale sharply instead. He rests his chin there and looks up at her, unable to stop from smirking when he sees her cheeks stained pink. “Give her a break.”

He slides his hands around to rest on her back and pulls, and this time she lets him tug her all the way into his lap. She settles with her knees on either side of his hips and rests her hands on his shoulders.

“She can have a break when I get one,” Avery says, voice prim, repeating something she always says, and then she finally finally kisses him.

Oh, he’s missed this.

She kisses him like she can’t get enough, like she’d devour him if she could, hungry and desperate and everything he’s been waiting for. He opens his mouth to her and lets her lick into it as he runs his hands up her back. She’s warm and delicious and everything he wants, and he pulls at the bow holding her bikini top together without thinking about it.

She giggles and bites at his lower lip, tugging as she leans back before releasing him to pull her top off and drop it to the floor.

“Guess we can look at the beach later?” She arches her back as she speaks, and he barely hears her words as his gaze is drawn, as she intended, to her breasts and nipples that are little darker than he remembers, but still beautiful all the same.

He doesn’t bother to answer whatever she asked, choosing instead to let her figure it out by kissing down between the valley of her breasts and then over, keeping her in his lap with one hand on her back and cupping the weight of her breast with the other, squeezing, licking and sucking at the hard peak as she gasps and squirms in his grip.

The pressure of her body on his dick is getting to him, her restless little movements just making him harder, and he groans around her flesh in his mouth as she manages to hit him just right, grinding against the bulge trapped in his pants like she was always meant to do this.

“Fuck, I missed this,” she says, voice small and breathy. She digs her fingernails into his scalp and holds him close, like he’d ever willingly push her away right now. “Your tongue is amazing. I could come just from this.”

She gives her hips another strong thrust as she does, like she’s trying to prove her point, and he can’t help but peer up at her.

He’s never been one to back down from a challenge.

He braces his feet better on the floor and moves both his hands to her hips to help guide her, forcing her hips into a steady, rolling movement over his lap until he hears her shuddering little gasps each time he hits her clit just right. He keeps his mouth busy leaving little nipping kisses across her chest, giving both breasts the kind of attention he’s literally been dreaming about, letting her ramble about how good he is to her, just giving her all the attention she deserves until…

Her breath catches in her throat and then bursts out of her in a high-pitched whine, and her hips fight back against the motion of his hands, and her fingernails dig into his scalp.

She’s close, she’s so close he knows she just needs a little push, and so he groans against her chest and bites down just enough to change up the sensation, just enough to give his kisses that edge, and then she’s falling apart in his hands just like he knew she would.

A wordless cry falls from her lips and she shudders through it, holding him tight and pressing against him as hard as she can. It’s beautiful, and he can’t keep his eyes off her, off the goosebumps that flow over her skin and the red flush that reaches from her face down across her chest.

He wants to make her feel this good every single day of her life.

She pulls away after a moment, still panting, a wide grin on her face as she opens lust-darkened eyes and stares down at him.

He smirks up at her, stupidly pleased, and then she’s pushing at his shoulders so he’ll fall onto his back.

“You have five seconds to get your clothes off,” she informs him, and then she stands up to follow her own command.

It takes more than five seconds, but he’s so ready to get his pants off that he doesn’t argue, jumping up and stripping in record time as Avery simply pushes her bikini bottoms over her hips and leaves them on the floor.

She’s already scooting back on the bed to get comfortable, her eyes on his dick where he’s stroking it because he can’t help but touch it to push back the desire to sink into her biotic-hot body and forget everything else in the galaxy.

He crawls over her, and she opens up for him, bracketing his waist with her knees and parting her lips to make their first kiss deep and wet, already trying to angle her hips up to meet his even as he keeps his weight braced up and well away from her.

She makes a little frustrated noise, grabbing for his dog tags like she always does. “C’mon, Jimmy.”

He lets her pull her close enough to kiss her, a teasing little swipe of his tongue across her lower lip. She releases him with a smile, then she squeals as he leans down and bites at her nipple once more, still reddened and swollen from his earlier attention.

He kisses between her breasts, down her stomach, across her hip, pausing to nip at her inner thigh when she spreads her legs further apart for the breadth of his shoulders.

She’s grinning down at him when he looks up at her, something smug on her face as she anticipates what he’s about to do.

“I missed that tongue of yours while you’ve been here.”

“That right?” He licks over the spot he bit and watches as she bites her lower lip. “Well, it missed you too.”

She huffs out a laugh and flops back onto the pillows, but her legs stay open and her hips cant up toward his mouth, eager like always.

He gives in, like always.

The taste of her bursts bright and tart on his tongue, and he moans against her as he licks up her slit. He presses his tongue in deep when she starts to grind up against his face, then moves a little closer in on his elbows so he can start up a fast pattern over her clit just to hear her—

She swears roundly, hands landing on the back of his head like they belong there, tugging him closer like he’d try to leave.

He never wants to leave.

He holds her hips as steady as he can with his arms under her thighs, and doesn’t put effort into teasing her in favor of just giving her what she wants. She came all this way to see him, and he’s going to make sure she never forgets what he’s able to do for her, what he’s able to coax out of her body.

Her quiet groans become louder, cries of his name and little admissions that make his dick ache to be inside of her, unhappy to be pushed into the mattress for the time being.

“Fuck, you’re so good at this,” she says, voice breathy and rambling like she can’t help it, “I don’t know how I snagged you, don’t know how there aren’t girls lining up for a turn.”

His laugh is buried deep in her cunt but she hears it anyway, or she feels it, because she bites off a high-pitched moan that lets him know she’s close but not quite there before she picks back up where she left off.

“Mmm, yeah, you know it’s true just look at you, fucking hungry for it, couldn’t even wait until after we went to the beach.”

He’s not about to pull his mouth free to remind her that she’s the one who started teasing him, she’s the one who was talking about what big delicious things she needed, so he just tightens his grip on her hips and closes his eyes and focuses on the way his tongue is dancing over her clit because she’s so close and if he can just get her in the right spot…

“Fuck, right there.” She catches her breath, lets it out in a whoosh, and her thighs start to shake by his ears. “I’m gonna come, baby.”

It’s the only time she calls him baby, right as she’s about to come, and he loves to hear it, loves to coax it or force it out of her, and he just has to wait one more second she’s so close—

When she comes it’s absolutely silent, her body going taught around him, her fingers digging painfully into his scalp, her thighs tense and shaking, blocking him in from moving, her feet pressed against his sides like she can hold him there.

He keeps licking her until she catches her breath and manages to wail, the sound ripped from her almost against her will, and then she’s pushing him away because she’s too sensitive now, but he needs to be able to breathe anyway.

He sits back on his heels and wipes his face as she tries to catch her breath, legs still spread obscenely on either side of him, one arm hooked over her face so she can hide her eyes behind her elbow.

“That good, huh?”

“Fuck you,” she says, absolutely no venom in her voice.

He snickers and leans over her, bracing his weight on his elbows and knees, kissing her under her arm. She kisses him back and hooks her elbow around the back of his neck instead of holding it over her face. She licks his lips, into his mouth, moaning at the taste of herself like she always does, and he follows his instincts to sink down lower when he feels her legs come up around his hips too.

Her stomach bumps against his before he’s expecting it to, and he tries to push back up before she locks her ankles at the small of his back.

“Nuh-uh,” she says, fucked out and eloquent.

“You sure this is—” He trails off because she finally opens her eyes and looks up at him, moving her hands around to cup his jaw.

Her fingers trace his cheeks, dance over the scar that traces across his face, and his heart does that same little flop as before. “Perfectly safe. Recommended, even. I’ll tell you if something hurts, just, please, please for the love of god, fuck me.”

Well.

He can’t argue with that.

He kisses her again, then pulls away with a little smirk. “Yes, ma’am.”

She lets go of his neck and puts her hands flat on the headboard behind her, smirking right back, and he takes his cue to sit back on his heels.

He takes himself in hand and lines up, not bothering to tease anymore, slipping deep inside her with one slow, delicious thrust.

He can barely hear her whimper over his own groan at being inside of her again. It’s everything he’s been missing and somehow better than he remembered, tight and almost too hot and he never, ever wants to leave.

When he doesn’t move fast enough for her, too busy enjoying the feeling of being inside her again, she uses her leverage to push her hips hard into his, nearly knocking him off-balance

“Goddamn,” he says, forcing the word out through grit teeth. “Okay. You asked for it.”

He looks down to see her face break into a wide, dirty smile, her face flushed and hair sticking to her damp forehead.

And then he pulls out, and pushes back in, hard, and he grins at the delighted laugh that pushes from Avery��s throat.

He can do better than that.

He fucks her, hard, just like she asked, a punishing pace that has sweat dripping from his scalp and pleasure shooting up his spine faster than he’d like.

It has been a long time.

He puts his hands on her ass and lifts her hips onto his thighs, and the next thrust makes her howl and arch her back, a delighted sound that he wants her to make again, so he grits his teeth together against the mounting pleasure and keeps fucking going.

She’s going to come again.

She deserves it.

“This what you wanted, birdie?” His voice is rough, words forced out between sharp thrusts and harsh breaths, but they have the effect he wanted. She arches again, squirming against his bruising grip, face twisted in what he would think is pain if he didn’t know better. “This what you flew all the way out here for?”

Her “Yes!” is frantic, barely an answer to his question and more of a general exclamation of approval, and he smiles to himself as he shifts his grip on her so he can bring his right hand to her clit. She shrieks again when he presses his thumb against it, hips moving a little slower now so he can focus, but no less hard, and she absolutely howls with it.

She’s so close.

He is too.

“Come for me,” he says, trying to make it sound more like a demand and less like the plea it is. “Let me fucking feel you.”

She nods, fast, eyes squeezed closed and mouth open, chest heaving as she draws in ragged breaths.

He presses harder with his thumb, his orgasm threatening to overwhelm him at any moment, praying, praying, praying…

She begins to come barely a second before him, his name dripping from her lips as her cunt clenches around him, and then he can’t hold on for anything. He fucks through it, pleasure bursting through him and making his vision go white, and he curls around her to bury his face in the crook of her neck as he comes inside her.

When he comes back to himself, she’s rubbing circles on his back with one hand, the other cupping the back of his head.

“Doing okay there?”

She sounds amused, so he just groans in answer, earning the giggle he was aiming for.

“You’re gonna crush me,” she informs him, still sounding amused.

He rolls to the side but doesn’t let go of her, tugging until her back is against his front and her hair is all over his face. It’s annoying, but he can’t make himself care.

She wiggles in his grip. “I thought you were taking me to the beach.”

He squeezes her tighter, presses a kiss to the back of her neck where he thinks her amp port is. “I’m just catching my breath. Give me a minute.”

He’s asleep before he hears her response.

#james vega #mass effect #x: say you won't let go #my writing #pregnancy #oc: avery ryder

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