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purrincess-chat · 1 year ago

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I wonder, if for some reason Adrienette were to break up in the upcoming seasons (not necessarily due to a fight, but simply deciding to stop their relationship for a while), would you stop watching the show? Honestly, I think this might happen in the next seasons due to things related to their superhero lives (maybe even Lila influencing it to annoy Marinette and try to take Adrien for herself). Also, to achieve character development, they probably need to show that constantly keeping secrets can harm relationships, and the Love Square is structured in a way that one part of their lives affects the other. What happens on one side of the Love Square can impact the others. I don't think it would make them as a couple unworkable because: 1. It has also negatively affected their romantic relationships with other people; 2. Our hatrel to Gabriel Agreste will always be not enough. All the negative consequences could have been avoided if not for this guy who left kids with problems for several seasons ahead.

For me it would depend on the reason/how it was done. For instance, if the break up is something they're forced to do, but they're still very obviously madly in love with each other (i.e. Ben and Leslie from Parks and Rec), then maybe. 🤷‍♀️ What I don't want is some bullshit contrived reason if they are going to do it. Because after everything that went down in s5 and how hard they fought to stay together, it seems like kind of a waste, imo. If s5 had been different and their relationship a bit more shallow and rocky, then I could maybe see it, but they worked really hard at their relationship to make it work in s5. And I don't even know that secrets would be an issue because we've had an episode addressing that, and Adrien has shown that he doesn't fault Marinette for not telling him everything, he just doesn't want to hurt her. Because truthfully, it would make him a bit of a hypocrite bc he is also keeping a secret from her?? So, he really doesn't have a leg to stand on.

I think a lot of the push for them to break up comes from a couple of places, and they're both salty. 1. People will find any excuse to salt on Marinette and her knowing about Gabriel is just the latest excuse, so they feel she needs to be "punished" by losing her relationship, which ew. 2. People just really can't get over Adrinette being canon, and at this point, it's just kind of sad.

In my honest opinion, there is a lot that we don't yet know about future seasons, so it's not really possible to judge right now. I don't think we as a fandom realize how much shit just got flipped on its head when Gabriel made that wish. The world that we have been living in within the ML universe up to this point is GONE. Things are vastly different now. Yes, the characters may still be the characters we know and love, but we don't know how much control Gabriel exerted over this new world. We don't know everything that he changed and how it will affect the characters moving forward. Adrien might care that Marinette knows things he doesn't, or he might not. He may never even know she knows something he doesn't. It may never get brought up. Or it might. 🤷‍♀️ we don't know. The show may choose to explore a breakup, or it may not, and honestly, I'm just tired of people assuming it will happen or insisting that it has to happen. It's the Chloe redemption arc all over again, and if they don't go that route, people will bitch and complain about bad writing and a butchered story and how they should have done it another way and the writers are so stupid and bad. Then on the other hand if they do break up, people will be like see? Adrinette was bad, and I just...

I'm tired of seeing people root against the love square and be pissed about every little thing. And personally, I don't think the love square NEEDS to break up in order to be interesting or move forward. Those things aren't necessary in a relationship. It's not as realistic or interesting as people think it is, and I'm tired of people pretending it is. I vastly prefer seeing couples that overcome trials together and stay together. Those are the couples that can survive anything. If they break up over every little thing, that is not a healthy relationship model, and I don't want to root for it. Rip to everyone else, but I'm different. It may come as a shock to some people, but they can address secret keeping without breaking them up. It can definitely be a blow to their relationship, but they could work through it and come out the other end stronger without needing to totally end things. I just find it hard to believe that all of the cheerleaders for Adrinette's downfall are doing it innocently or because they think it's narratively necessary. I don't buy it.

I dunno. I've already said that whether or not I stick with ML will depend on how s6 goes up to mid-season. Thomas stepped down as head writer, so the writing of the episodes may feel different. The new world may be trash (it is Gabriel we are talking about). The new heroes might get too crowded and annoying. (I already wasn't a fan in s4, I didn't care for Penalteam at all). There are a lot of factors that could sway me in either direction, but honestly, I could forgive some of those if the love square interactions are still good. (I honestly think Adrinette hard carried s5, personally) But if you pair several of those with an Adrinette break up, then yeah, I don't see me having a reason to still watch. If I don't enjoy the show anymore, I'll stop watching. (A novel fucking concept for some, I know)

#cat replies #asks #s5 discourse

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genderkoolaid · 2 years ago

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About your radfem and women not being able to make choices post, I just wanted to clarify is it different the way radfems apply it? Because I’ve seen many feminists build on the idea that none of our choices exist in a vacuum, and while someone may enjoy wearing makeup, they also have had ideas taught to them by society on what is acceptable and what is shunned, so it’s important to examine the reasons why we make certain choices.

I could be completely off base, but is it that radfems take this a step further and say that no one could analyze those choices thoroughly and still come away with a conclusion that they genuinely enjoy makeup? I hope I’m making sense, and definitely not trying to defend radfems. Just wanted to clarify for my own understanding.

Yeah you've pretty much got it.

The rhetoric I have seen starts from a good place: social constructs do influence our choices, this is basic sociology. Misogyny does influence our choices, including our most personal choices, and a part of unworking that is analyzing why we make the choices we do, and how those choices impact us. A non-gender example could be a person of color straightening their naturally curly hair; that is a personal choice, but may also be influenced by a culture that values straight hair over curly hair, especially with poc, and they might do some reflection and come to the conclusion that this personal choice is rooted in racism and they don't want to do it anymore; they may view this as an act of defiance and be very proud of it. And good for them!

But there is also another choice they could make after that reflection- they could decide that yes, the initial choice was based in racism, but they also enjoy doing it and like how it looks. They can experiment with different hair styles and open themselves up to more positive images of curly hair and put in effort to unwork internalized racism, but they can choose to straighten their hair while doing that and make that choice based in something else. After everything, they'll still come out of that reflection with a better understanding of themselves and racism's place in personal life, and be more aware of how they treat others (especially their own children) to others rooting their choices in racism.

And with TERFS and women, the view tends to be that the last choice is impossible. Any woman who wears makeup or shaves her legs may delude herself into thinking she's making her own choice, but it is always rooted in misogyny and it always contributes to misogyny. A woman can't reflect and realize he's a man; it must be a choice rooted in misogyny, and therefore encouraging it as a personal choice is harmful.

To reference someone's reply on that post: we don't need radical feminism to be the one holding up a mirror to our actions. We can still examine how our choices are influenced and the social pressures behind them while also making personal choices for what does make us happy or make our lives easier.

#m.#ask box

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im-a-goat-in-disguise · 1 year ago

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maybe a heterosexual cisgender person shouldn't be telling trans people how they feel about a party endorsing transphobia. you cannot understand the way it feels to walk into a supermarket and see every newspaper call you a nonce because of your identity. regardless of how we will actually vote, it isn't your place to speak over us when we talk about our disillusionment regarding parties that are supposed to be 'left wing' throwing us under the bus to 'pander to the moderate right." what are trans people in rosie duffield's constituency supposed to do?

I am not trying or intending to speak "over" trans people. Is simply sharing my views on a matter overriding others? I wouldn't think so, but I could always be wrong. I am completely open to becoming more informed on this matter by trans people and others more educated on this specific subject.

You're right, I cannot understand what it's like to be told I should be exterminated. I should also not be telling you how to vote. What I am adamant upon is that you do need to vote, at the very least. For somebody, for some party. And given the past few decades, I'd say it definitely shouldn't be the Tories. They've had their time and proven utterly incapable of running the country or doing what's good. If it comes to choosing between the Tories and Labour, I would personally choose Labour. You are free to vote how you want (not something you need my permission to do - I have no way of forcing anybody to vote for anything or anyone), but you do need to vote. Even if you don't want to vote for any party, a spoiled ballot is better than an absent ballot.

I know you may not have looked completely into this, but from what I can tell, Labour hasn't actually "adopted" the guidelines in any meaningful capacity. They haven't even been silent on the issue - many labour MPs have come out saying it's unworkable and pointed out how it threatens the lives of trans children. They aren't pandering, they just straight up don't have much they can really do in this specific circumstance. It's not a policy they can reverse right this second or can even vote against. Schools have been encouraged not to follow the guidelines but it's basically out of Labour's hands.

I can't give advice for specific constituencies, but having a look just on Wikipedia about Rosie Duffield's rapport of transphobic sentiments, I can see why you wouldn't be interested in voting for Labour, but I don't really see how not voting would be a better choice. The last Tory MP for Canterbury was adamantly against teachers even being able to talk about homosexuality, wanted abortion essentially torn down and was an avid brexiteer. I'm sure that wouldn't particularly be favourable for you either.

I really don't want to come across as antagonistic, but it does seem a bit strange you're simultaneously telling me I shouldn't tell anybody how to vote, and then promptly pry me for instructions on who to vote for. I'm not entirely certified how I can satisfy this ask by doing two mutually exclusive things.

At the end of the day, I'm not a grand arbiter of whom exactly every individual in the UK should vote for. All I ask is that you get out there and at least leave your mark in the ballot box. There is no real formal system that allows citizens to request a party change who they put up as a candidate for a specific seat, but you can join the people who already campaign for the labour party to do something more than investigate.

If you have any suggestions on how I could improve what I'm saying, or something I can do to not speak over trans people simply by speaking, feel free to shoot me an ask. My inbox will never be closed

#the q's n a's #anonymoose #ask to tag #long post #i looked at my original tags again and again and realize just how contorted they are by the statements of the post above them #my tags were written under the presumption that labour had somehow absorbed the guidance into their manifesto or something #i should've known to be more observant and look into it a bit before commenting #i also should've been way more specific with my message. what i said was sloppy and wrong.#oh well this is probably my last response for December maybe. depends on stuff

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belethlegwen · 2 years ago

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=carefully slips in, respectful of your door=

Hey. It's me. ya boi.

Because I know you've had Henry a long time: **D) Have they always had the same physical appearance, or have you had to edit how they look? and actually while we're here, hit me with #7 for him as well: **What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling? For Peter: **21. Why do they get up in the morning? (because he is clearly not getting enough sleep #teamletpeternap2023) (but also i would genuinely like to know) And to shake things up a little extra: For Daphne <3 #22 **How does jealousy manifest itself in them (they become possessive, they become aloof, etc)?

BONUS: I. Atticus wants to know if Henry's up for more sledding obstacles or if that's old hat by now

=locks the door behind you so you can't leave= Ah you've fallen perfectly for my trap, muahaha etc. <3

[Henry] Have they always had the same physical appearance, or have you had to edit how they look?

Henry has changed appearance over the years, being that I originally dreamt him up when I was very young and he became like, a full character with name around Jr. High/Highschool years, most notably he's grown a beard which I personally am extremely attached to. A lot of his current appearance in my mind, especially from the neck down (and the waist down) has been informed a lot by the initial art a friend of mine (@keniambro) did of him upon my request. I had a very clear idea of who he was as a person, and general ideas of his appearance, but Keni really did breathe life into him.

[Henry] What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling?

Henry gets the strongest feelings of nostalgia, no joke, from weather. The strength of wind on a sunny, rainy, cloudy, cold, stormy day... it can depend on where he is and what he sees sometimes, like the way light can come through a summer bouquet of birchleaves, but he will almost instantly be transported to a time, a place, a situation. Most of them overlap, and he's gotten better over time of being able to choose the memories that help him more than hurt him, but sometimes... sometimes it takes him to a very dark place.

[Peter] Why do they get up in the morning?

Peter's sense of duty. Not simply just to the Eastern Coastal Watch, which he commands, or even necessarily the duty to the overall military/royalty. There's a sense of patriotism to it, absolutely, but it's rooted in just... a willingness to do good, be good; to be there for the people. The Coastal Watches have always been a defensive force, protectors, rescuers when needed. He lives for that. That's what he wants to keep, what he wants to protect. It's why he struggles with dwindling numbers of members, it's why he is constantly trying to outthink the issues of defunding they face, the attempts by the other branches to try and absorb them into something else. Peter believes in what the Watch stands for. Peter gets up because if he doesn't, there is one less person doing good for other people. Peter gets up because somewhere, out there, someone needs help, and he is trying to maintain as many resources (including people) as he can that would be able to help them.

[Daphne] How does jealousy manifest itself in them (they become possessive, they become aloof, etc)?

When Daphne begins to feel jealous of another person-- particularly when it's for something that she can not manage to achieve herself-- she becomes extremely aloof, almost avoidant of them. It doesn't get to resentment often (though it can, and has), but she can become extremely depressed if in exposure to jealousy for too long and it absolutely attacks her self-worth. Intensely so.

[Bonus] Atticus wants to know if Henry's up for more sledding obstacles or if that's old hat by now

Henry is up for more sledding obstacles with whatever they can work with as we finally get into the Spring melt up here. A lot of the snow is unworkable for anything like... grand, but it should have decent stick to it still and is pretty good for packing down into luge/sled pipes, tunnels, turns, etc.

#Thank you so much love <3 #You're wonderful and I appreciate you asking about the babes <3 #We've had a ton of rain and melting over the last couple of days so I'll need to do a snowcheck tomorrow if the wind isn't too bad #but I think they could at least make a good run track out of it #I'll let you know

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princessmadafu · 4 years ago

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That Book (excuse the long post)

I didn't want to jump into the fray without first thinking over the published extracts of FF and the various critiques and synopses in the press. I'd just like to send huge thanks to YankeeWallee and everyone that YW herself thanks for the collated screenshots of the excerpts and RoyahNikkah's review. I'll do what the rest of you do and state here that these are my personal opinions and anything quoted comes under "fair usage", etc. Long live free speech!

My over-riding reaction is, what an absolute pile of lies, lies and more lies. Starting with Scobie's sources, of which he says there are at least two per nugget of information. I believe most of the book has come directly or indirectly from MM herself, and that any "sources" have MM's blessing, sanction or outright order to disclose. FaceTiming in the bath? How would Scobie know? Unless he was in the bath with her, this can only have come from herself or the friend being FaceTimed. There is too much of a highly personal nature for it to be Scobie's own investigative work. So there's the first lie, straight from the weirdly-toothy Sussexy horse's mouth; of course she collaborated!

Some of us had our reservations right from the start of Harry and MM's relationship, but we were prepared to give her the benefit of the doubt and join in the welcome of a biracial, divorced American actress. Right-wing, left-wing, a-political or not-royally-bothered, we all thought, Let's give the pair a chance to see what they can do.

How about this article from Spiked on the engagement of Harry & MM from 2017:

Meghan Markle: Generation Woke's Princess Diana - spiked

"...look no further than the fawning response to the engagement of Prince Harry and American actress Meghan Markle – one of those rare occasions in which both the Telegraph editorial team and the identity-politics set erupted in simultaneous celebration."

How quickly the celebration wore off as the pair of them squandered our goodwill. Another article from Spiked from July 2019, less than two years later, is harsher, when we've all been insulted, preached at and condemned as racists by PH&MM:

Meghan Markle is the worst kind of snob - spiked

"With the possible exception of a few sad social outcasts, no one has a problem with the fact that Meghan’s mum just happens to be black. No, Meghan is criticised for being snobby, elitist, hopelessly out of touch and possessing all the self-awareness of a flea. It’s not Meghan’s skin colour that annoys people, but the fact that she thinks nothing of donning an outfit that costs more than most people in the UK earn in a year and then getting her minders to order the public not to take photos of her. [...] There are heaps of reasons for people not just to criticise Meghan and Harry, but to ridicule their hypocrisy and puncture their pomposity. And not one involves the colour of Meghan’s skin. Meghan comes in for criticism because she is the worst kind of snob who condescends to tell others not just what to do, but also what to think. The fact that she is biracial is completely irrelevant. Of course, there is an obvious solution for Harry and Meghan if they do not like the public attention and criticism. Harry could denounce his claim to the throne. They could give up the titles, move out of the palaces and fund their own lifestyle. I can’t for the life of me imagine why they don’t."

Prescient, no? Six months later and they announce they're off. She played him like a fiddle. The raptures she went into over Botswana and wanting the spend the summer? Did she feed his fantasies of moving to Africa permanently? How strange that Africa became Canada, which then became Los Angeles? Strange my perky little bottom! She had this planned all along. I don't know if PH is with her over there, but she certainly seems to be feeding the illusion that she is now Hollywood Royalty. If she couldn't cut real Royalty, she definitely won't cut the LaLaLand version which is a lot less restrained in voicing its opinions of jumped-up wannabes. Especially the Markly ones who cut, dump, run and show no loyalty or staying power.

The following points, in no particular order, are mostly from an assortment of DM writers and comments from members of the public.

"The book claims the so-called ‘old guard’ tried to undermine the couple and ‘were concerned that the global interest in and popularity of the Sussexes needed to be reined in’." A little self-aggrandisement here, possibly? Global interest, maybe, of the rubber-necking car crash variety, but global popularity? When was that, exactly? Royal staff are all well aware that the purpose of the Royals is to support HMTQ; that is their job. If the Sussexes needed reining in at all, it was because they weren't doing their job properly.

"Harry and Meghan believed ‘few inside the palace were looking out for their interests’ and felt that most courtiers could not be trusted with their sensitive information." Ditto, the courtiers' job is to look out for the interests of HMTQ; PH&MM's job was to look out for the interests of HMTQ, not themselves.

"They believed that these ‘men in grey suits’ were stifling their attempts to launch their initiatives, and when they tried to air these frustrations ‘the conversations didn’t lead anywhere’." I mean, come on! PH is 6th in line. He knows that. There is no "they" involved here - it's all MM again, isn't it, thinking she's more important because she's more popular and she famously gets what she wants... She thought she could snap her fingers and make whatever she wanted happen. She ignored the hierarchy and the protocols, and probably (I suspect) got dimwit Harry believing that she knew best, and that together they could change the world.

"One source said Harry felt that some of the old guard at the palace ‘simply didn’t like Meghan and would stop at nothing to make her life difficult’." I can well believe that staff at the palace didn't like her - she showed her true colours quite early on - but deliberately making her life difficult? I suspect this is what MM told Harry. Twisted the truth, naturally. I'm guessing she made a few ridiculous OTT demands, or wanted some unworkable project, and the staff, knowing their jobs as they do, tried to point out the flaws in her ideas, prevent her making a fool of herself, or otherwise politely protect her from herself. Goodness knows, she made a fool of herself often enough, barging in front and all that...

"The book concludes that Meghan was ‘totally foreign’ to this group of advisers, who ‘could sometimes be even more conservative than the institution they guarded’." They were guarding an institution with over a thousand years of history from someone with neither understanding of nor respect for British history, the Monarchy, or the duties of the RF; and she made no effort to learn.

"Another insider said: ‘The fact is that Meghan was welcomed with open arms and everyone did their best to offer their help about how to navigate such a tricky public role – advice she would often choose to ignore." The arrogance of the woman! And she was welcomed. She just believed that she knew best.

"Omid Scobie said Meghan’s high-profile career as an actress and the fact that she was a divorcee left her ‘ripe for exploitation’." High-profile career, mwah! Actress, mwah! Divorcee, so what? Charles and Camilla are both divorce/es, Anne is a divorcee, so is Andrew, and a whole bunch of other lesser royals. As for being ripe for exploitation, I think we all know how this panned out and MM wasn't the one being exploited! Far from it. She milked every opportunity and opening her new title and her new husband could bring her.

"During one of their final engagements as senior royals, Meghan was ‘purposefully snubbed’ by Kate in front of a global TV audience, the authors claim." Well now, where to start on this one? MM threw a hissy fit because she wasn't allowed to walk in the procession with HMTQ, C&C and DDoC. The DDoC decided to appease MM by pulling out of the procession and taking their seats. Now I don't know what DDoC thought about that but I can just imagine them comparing MM's behaviour with that of their own beautifully behaved kids. I can just imagine them thinking thank God she'll be gone soon! I doubt there was any purposeful snubbing at the service but MM has no manners and no idea how to behave, not even in church. The DDoC are too well brought-up to "carry on" in a place of worship, nor would they lean across seats for a happy little chat, just a quick turn round for a friendly word with Edward and Sophie immediately behind them before the arrival of C&C and HMTQ. Churches are not places to be gossiping and grinning inanely, and you definitely don't push your way through the chairs when the service is over! She is so rude and ill-mannered.

"The book claims Meghan and Kate’s ‘cordial but distant rapport’ was apparent when the pair appeared alongside each other at the King Power Royal Charity Polo Day last summer." I don't remember the dates exactly, but I should think by this time DoC was well and truly fed up with MM's shenanigans; the doe-eyes she'd been pulling at PW, the rumours she and the SS had been fanning about PW and une petite liaison with a long-time friend... Cordial but distant was probably the best MM could hope for at this stage; DoC was hardly about to play Happy Families with the troublemaker.

"The couple were dismayed when no photograph of them and their son Archie was displayed during the Queen’s Christmas speech last year." It was quite clear that the photos on display represented the direct line of succession, from HMTQ's father through to her great-grandson - five generations of the Monarchy. I truly believe that MM wanted to "modernise" the RF to such an extent that PH would be elected King! With MM at his side, dripping in all the jewels she could get her greedy mitts on! I realise it must be hard for PH to get to grips with his status as "Pretty Much Relegated Former Spare", but she must have been really feeding his insecurities if she got him upset about the absence of a photograph.

"Prince Harry was the first to say 'I love you' in his relationship with Meghan Markle, with friends revealing the couple were 'immediately obsessed' with each other, according to the latest extract of a bombshell biography." Oooh, how would Scobie know something as intimate as this? Immediately obsessed with each other, I can well believe; MM with his status, title, money, the palaces, the jewels... and she reeled him into her fantasy world with lies and perfectly posed KamaSutra yoga until he was obsessed with this chameleon woman, at the same time both mother-figure and hot, sexy, adoring, sophisticated, intelligent, humanitarian animal lover. Oh the lies, the lies; "Will you walk into my parlour, said the Spider to the Fly."

"They enjoyed a romantic dinner, with staff taking great pains to ensure their privacy, whisking them in through a staff entrance usually used to bring in fish discreetly." This is their second date at SoHo House, and again, how would Scobie know little details unless MM had told him herself? I like the hint of shade by the writer noting that the entrance was used to bring in fish discreetly - there's definitely something fishy about MM!

How about some comments from DM readers?

"Every single shameless self-serving tabloid "leak" and publicity stunt she has orchestrated has backfired specularly. Hence why Harry has gone from beloved military man and active working Royal to a national embarrassment within two short years! Her efforts at aggressive self-promotion are no match for her lack of talent or perspective in that area. She could have heeded advice from other, more dedicated Royals, but No. Meghan knew better and decided that she was deserving of instant worship fit for her 'celebrity' expectations. The Duchess of Cambridge has earned respect over years with quiet dedication to her causes. Meghan felt entitled to all the glory instantly, and was clearly slighted to learn that respect is not something to be commanded. She is a culture vulture with no respect or understanding of the very people that she promised to represent." [Jace T Adams]

"The narrative of the relationship is laughable. Everyone knows they first met in Canada when Harry was there for Invictus. He needed a girl for the night and Meghan was arranged for him. She must have been impressive as they had a date the next day and the rest is history." [Lady M]

"You can't work with someone you don't trust and these two have proven untrustworthy." [ellegrav]

I have no inside information on any of above, but people better placed than I am are making similar judgments on the contents of FF; people who've spent their working lives following and reporting on the RF.

"The Queen’s former press secretary Dickie Arbiter told the Mail: ‘I think it has their fingerprints all over it. We had a similar scenario in 1992 when Diana swore blind she hadn’t helped Andrew Morton and yet a year later it came out that she had indirectly helped him so history is repeating itself. ‘There are too many things that we have seen in the serialisation that could only come from the horse’s mouth, like deciding to gatecrash Sandringram when they landed from Canada."

And Jan Moir: JAN MOIR on the Meghan and Harry biography that has put ...

What did the pair of them want or expect? Top billing, it seems. What is remarkable is that Harry’s whole life and entire upbringing have been devoted and calibrated to him being a prince. Surely he understands how it works? Surely he could have explained the system to his vexed new bride? Primarily, that being royal is a form of active service, with ranks and a hierarchy so uncomplicated that schoolchildren throughout the realm understand the line of succession and its importance to the Windsors — and to us.

And Robert Hardman: ROBERT HARDMAN: Harry and Meghan are ... - dailymail.co.uk

Yet Finding Freedom is a struggle against protocol and seating plans. It is based on the perceived unfairness of a pecking order which has governed — and preserved — the monarchy for 1,000 years.

We can't all be wrong!

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polyamorousmisanthrope · 5 years ago

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Does it Work?

This is a paper I wrote in 2009 trying desperately to find the line between healthy, in-group behaviors and cult. It was inconclusive as hell.

In studying the alternative lifestyles and communities of the US in the past 200-odd years, there has been an attempt to judge whether or not these communities are good. That’s fine in the context of a rigid social system or system of morality against which it present a background or framework.

Unfortunately or fortunately, depending on your point of view, the United States of 2009 simply doesn’t have a single, unified code by which to judge the goodness or badness of a lifestyle. Oh, we agree that child molestation is wrong and revile the more excessive behaviors of a Warren Jeffs of the FLDS church, or a David Koresh. But for things less extreme than rape and murder, the line between “good” and “bad” becomes far more fuzzy.

Social traditionalists might bemoan the fuzzy line, cry “declining family values” or even “lack of faith in God”. This is a difficult point of view for a thoughtful student of social history to take seriously. Even as recently as the 1950s, the Leave it to Beaver snapshot of a household wasn’t exactly the real world that people were living. The author’s own grandfather worked three jobs during that time-period to support a family of six, and when the children were in school, his wife also went to work to be able to pay the expanded expenses of a household with four pre-teen and teenagers.

If people can idealize and romanticize times they actually lived through, how much easier it is to romanticize times of more than a century ago. We remember the family solidarity of Little House on the Prairie, but fail to internalize the desperate poverty of a family that could only afford two dresses for each child, that counted on fish from a creek three times a day to get through a summer, and a rearing that caused one of the children to feel she must go to work to pay her parents back for the expense of rearing her.

In the face of this romanticism, it is easy to cry “Traditional Family Values!” when confronted with a new problem of living such as Polyamory. However, that sort of answer, when faced with the realities of our changing society and its mores is worse than useless, as Traditional Family Values hearken back to an age that never actually existed. If it didn’t exist and work then, how could it be possible to make it exist and work now?

Polyamory is defined in the Oxford English Dictionary thus:

The fact of having simultaneous close emotional relationships with two or more other individuals, viewed as an alternative to monogamy, esp. in regard to matters of sexual fidelity; the custom or practice of engaging in multiple sexual relationships with the knowledge and consent of all partners concerned.

This definition isn’t entirely accepted by everyone in the polyamory community, but as a writer in the polyamory community herself, the author personally considers it good enough to be going on with.

Polyamory, then, can just be considered an open alternative to sexual exclusivity. This is practiced in many ways by different people. Many married couples who are polyamorous might have their marriage, household, dog, kids and white picket fence, but also engage in romantic/sexual relationships outside of the marriage relationships. Others take it in a different direction – eschewing pair bonding and forming non-formal relationships. Yet others form group marriage. This relationship is often called a PolyFamily, and is probably the least common form of polyamorous relationship practiced.

So, does it work?

One could answer “yes and no”, but it would hardly be conclusive. Sometimes not. Margaret Hollenbach (Hollenbach) did not find her life in the Family in New Mexico very workable. Hollenbach had to be just about the classical “hippie”. College kid, white, from a relatively well-to-do background though with divorced parents – somewhat less common in the late 1960s and early 1970s than now. She joined the Family in Taos, New Mexico and found that the lifestyle and therapy sessions[1] reminiscent of the brainwashing techniques used by the Chinese government (Hollenbach 166). She also comments that her own experience did not include coercion in the classical sense. One was free to get up and walk away and there were no physical attempts at restraint.

However, one of the serious problems with any long-term live-in relationship that may or may not be workable is the fact that while one might not be physically restrained from leaving if it becomes unpleasant, unworkable or difficult, there are matters of social isolation, inertia, and the simple financial ties anyone has in a household that one must contend with. Historically, some communes, in a deep desire not to be coercive when it came to group membership have had a way to pay out members that wished to leave so that they would not feel financially tied to a group that they did not want to be with. The Shakers would allow a member who left to take any property that he had brought with him upon joining away, or give a monetary allowance to those who joined empty-handed. Few modern communes, poly or otherwise, have had such a forward-thinking view.

There is also the social isolation. If one lives in a group where the internal culture is “different”, there is an increased tendency towards Groupthink. Groupthink is generally characterized by premature concurrence seeking – high conformity pressures, self-censorship of dissenting ideas, mindguards and the maintenance of the image of unanimity (Forsyth 370). The ideals of marriage say that the happy, effective couple presents a united front. However good or bad this idea is, it becomes problematic in a group marriage situation.

At first, it might not seem so. That united front can be useful. Imagine being a car salesman and negotiating a loan among four people who can play off of each other and come together with the precision of watch gears while you have to answer each and every one of them all by yourself[2]. To be a member of such an effective team can be pretty heady.

But there’s a dark side. That groupthink? It’s very real. In the interests of the unified front, one can suppress one’s own dissenting opinions, find oneself weary of discussion and abdicate opinion in the interests of quiet. This is an example of something that doesn’t work for long.

The social isolation is often a problem as well. If one lives in a group marriage or other alternative relationship, one often finds that the internal frame of reference of the group is the one that’s turned to for a “reality check”. Choosing the left-hand path means that one occasional faces outside disapproval. The “us against them” view that one can develop within such a context, while entirely human and natural,[3] can be counter-productive for the individual health of individual members of a group.

In observing group relationships that work out well, a primary characteristic of any of them seems to hinge around personal privacy and, oddly enough, a high value placed on individuality. “The two (or three or four) shall become one” does not wear well in a polyamorous situation. The relationship and personal dynamic must be very different for it to work.

The Oneida Community had an inkling of this when it built its group home. Each adult member had his own small room. While they professed to value the group over anything, and diaries of the time talk of struggles with selfishness (Herrick 62), there was an understanding that a certain level of personal privacy and personal choice are very necessary to the happiness of a person within a group. Within the Oneida Community, there were people with varying interests and these interests were encouraged. Children were sent off to school away from the O.C., people often made trips to visit the “Outside”, as they called it, and there was a tacit understanding that one would choose for oneself how much to participate in the “social life[4]” of the Community. While it ultimately dissolved, keep in mind that the Oneida Community lasted for thirty years – a Methuselah among communes.

Modern marriage counselors now talk about this more and more often. In modern mental health literature, there is a strong theme of taking responsibility for one’s own needs instead of depending on another to meet them. This isn’t to say that we must blow off others’ needs and desires, nor that we have no responsibility to the people with whom we’ve formed relationships.

Each human being has freedom of choice over his or her own actions; all of us are accountable for our choices and their consequences. No other person can be responsible for the feelings that result from our choices, be they happy or sad. (Paul and Paul 212).

Recognition of this individual responsibility seems to be the key to happy interpersonal relationships of all sorts. While it might seem that it means that one could callously assert that if someone else is unhappy in the face of what’s going on that it’s his own problem, that extreme isn’t quite the way accepting personal responsibility for one’s own feelings and actions work. While it’s impossible actually to be responsible for another’s feelings, it’s also impossible to have a good relationship without caring about the other’s feelings as well. It’s an important balance.

Also required for good balance is the “what’s in it for me?” factor. There has to be some incentive for people to devote time/energy/money to almost anything, and they have to feel like they’re getting a good trade out of it. A housewife, putting in long hours to create a beautiful and comfortable home, might be compensated by a spouse with more free time to earn a higher salary. That spouse might be glad to have a well-run home and be relieved of housekeeping responsibilities. While a very “traditional” view, it’s one that works out in practice as well[5]. In communal situations larger than a family, a credit system where work means something tangible tends to work out better than an “from each according to his abilities, to each according to his needs” situation. The founder of Twin Oaks in Louisa, VA commented, “Nowadays, I think you need some personal incentive to put out your best in the work scene.” (Kuhlmann 126)

The poly families that work out the best do seem to be families where there is a high regard for individualism and privacy, as well as a strong vested interest in each member of the group finding the relationship a fulfilling, perhaps even profitable, one.

Works Cited

Forsyth, Donelson R. Group Dynamics. Belmont: Wadsworth, 2005.

Herrick, Tirzah Miller. Desire and Duty at Oneida : Tirzah Miller’s Intimate Memoir. Ed. Robert S. Fogarty. New York: Indiana University Press, 2000.

Hollenbach, Margarget. Lost and Found : My Life in a Group Marriage Commune. New York: University of New Mexico Press, 2004.

Kuhlmann, Hilke. Living Walden Two : B. F. Skinner’s Behaviorist Utopia and Experimental Communities. New York: Univeristy of Illinois Press, 2005.

Paul, Jordan and Margaret Paul. Do I Have to Give up Me to Be Loved by You? Grand Rapids: Hazelden & Educational Services, 2002.

[1] They used a form of Gestalt therapy as a means of social cohesion.

[2] This actually happened in my own quad. One of the former members still owns and drives that car!

[3] There are few things better for group cohesion than a common “enemy”, as history has proven more than once.

[4] The expression “social life” in the Oneida Community was a euphemism for sexual relationships.

[5] When I worked full time, while I did do housework at home, having a housewife there for primary childcare duties was a great boon to my ability to focus on my job!

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jodybouchard9 · 5 years ago

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The Property Brothers Make a Family Home and Office Do Triple Duty

HGTV; realtor.com

“Property Brothers: Forever Home” stars Drew and Jonathan Scott are experts when it comes to redesigning homes. But what about when that home needs to be functional for a family, pleasing for guests, and professional for office space?

On the latest episode, “New Lives, New Home,” the brothers help Toronto couple Kirsty and Jeff rework an unworkable space in a home that can do triple duty.

But the renovation is extensive, including lots of restructuring in order to open up the kitchen and building a bathroom from scratch. With all this work to be done, can the brothers finish on time—and on budget?

Read on to find out how Drew and Jonathan turn a small living space into the perfect party spot—plus, learn their tricks for creating a professional office space (without building an office).

Create an office space without an office

This office space is small, but professional.

HGTV

After a big career change, Kirsty explains, she is starting a business and will sometimes need to invite clients to her home for meetings. This poses a problem, however, because the home is crowded and her office/meeting space is limited to the dining table.

The Scott brothers know they have to give Kirsty a better home office if she’s going to build her business. But how can they do that if there’s no office space?

The brothers decide to install a simple but elegant desk at the front of the house. With a black counter under a window, the space is bright, stylish, and professional. It’s a perfect place to meet with a client. Plus, with a new, dedicated workspace, Kirsty won’t have to worry about moving all her supplies when dinnertime rolls around.

Go bold when it comes to bathroom wallpaper

This bathroom wallpaper is a perfect choice.

HGTV

Not only is Kirsty concerned about having a meeting place for clients, she’s also worried about having comfortable facilities for guests. For years, this family of four has gotten by with just one bathroom at home, but Kirsty and Jeff explain that it’s inconvenient to try to make a family bathroom look presentable for guests.

So, they ask Drew and Jonathan for a powder room that will impress guests. They add that they might like some bold wallpaper to add style to this space.

Of course, the brothers know just which wallpaper to pick: a beautiful gold pattern that is interesting and modern. It makes the small space pop.

“It’s got so much character,” Kirsty says when she walks into the new bathroom. “I love it!”

Make the most of an entryway

This entryway is functional and stylish.

HGTV

With their family of four, Jeff and Kirsty can barely keep track of all the loose coats and shoes in the house. There are coats hanging all over the place, and Kirsty and Jeff admit that sometimes their shoes have to be stored in the kitchen.

Drew and Jonathan know that the family need a better place to store their stuff, so they decide to give the entryway a makeover. Not only do the brothers create a perfect coat closet, they also put in a bench to make putting on and taking off shoes much easier.

To bring the look together, the brothers choose a patterned tile with lots of personality for the entryway.

Avoid going all white in the kitchen

This mix of dark and light gives the kitchen depth.

HGTV

When Drew takes Kirsty and Jeff to see another home for inspiration, he learns that they aren’t fans of the all-white kitchen, which has been popular in recent years. With a few style instructions from the couple, Drew and Jonathan have a starting point for this family’s new kitchen.

The brothers choose a sandy beige for the cabinets and black for the island. They match the island to the vent hood and light fixtures, then finish the look with dark chairs for the dining table.

In the end, the kitchen looks amazing. The dark colors make the space look crisp and classy.

Add bright colors for a more interesting space

This living room was bland before the Scott brothers reimagined the space.

HGTV

For a couple who are dead set against an all-white kitchen, Jeff and Kirsty sure have a lot of white in their living room.

With no color or dimension, the space looks bland and feels small. It’s certainly not a welcoming space for Kirsty and Jeff to invite their neighbors.

So, Drew and Jonathan spice up the space with a bit of color. They replace the white built-ins them with a colorful painting. They add a colorful rug and lamp, and some earthy wood tones.

Color really brightens up this space.

HGTV

In the end, the space is completely transformed. The living room is so welcoming with more seating and lots more personality.

And best of all, Kirsty and Jeff love it—both the look and the functionality.

“We’ve never been able to entertain in our living spaces,” Jeff says. “Now, this is like a place where everyone can take part.”

So, do the Scott brothers deliver?

While a renovation budget of $150,000 may seem hefty for a living room and kitchen makeover, there’s a lot that goes into this transformation. Not only do Drew and Jonathan move the kitchen from one side of the house to the other, but they also build an entire bathroom. On top of that, they ran into some setbacks with asbestos in the floor.

Still, the brothers were able to pull through and create Kirsty and Jeff’s dream living space—all right on their $150,000 budget.

The house is transformed, quickly going from awkward to functional, from bland to stylish.

The post The Property Brothers Make a Family Home and Office Do Triple Duty appeared first on Real Estate News & Insights | realtor.com®.

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inthelandofthewildthings · 7 years ago

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StreamlinedDruid, 5e: the Dire Druid

I’ve been wanting to multiclass into a druid, but there were a couple things I wanted that the class doesn’t have. First, my bard has a kind of illegal animal companion, so i wanted a class that would make her legit in the eyes of my DM. Also, I play a bard and hate preparing spells and huge flexibility of wildshape and similar druidic abilities.

So! I made a new class! It’s called the Dire Druid, and I like it so far, but I need some feedback. The class description and features are below the cut!

A Dire Druid has learned magic not from other spellcasters, but intuitively through a connection to nature. Dire Druids, as their names suggest, are much more instinctual in their casting than other druids. Dire druids have a great deal less flexibility than other druids, as their primal casting methods don’t allow them to create effects that are entirely foreign in any given environment (i.e., tidal wave in a desert). Dire druids do have more raw power than many of their traditional druidic counterparts, though, making up for their primal intensity.

Preparing and Casting Spells

Rather than preparing spells like more traditional druids do, dire druids cast straight from the spells they know, limited by the environment around them rather than by a formal knowledge of magic.

Each day, a dire druid may cast any spells that can be derived from the environment they are in from their list of available spells. For example, fog cloud cannot be cast in a desert, while firestorm won’t take in the middle of a bog or river.

Dire Druid Spells

0 Level:

Control Flames

Druidcraft

Guidance

Gust

Magic Stone

Mold Earth

Resistance

Shape Water

Shillelagh

Thorn Whip

Thunderclap

1st Level:

Absorb elements

Animal friendship

Beast bond

Cure wounds

Detect Poison and Disease

Feather Fall

Fog Cloud (natural place only, must be humid)

Goodberry

Hunter’s Mark

Jump

Longstrider

Speak with Animals

Thunderwave

2nd Level:

Animal Messenger

Alter Self

Barkskin

Beast Sense

Darkvision

Earthbind

Enhance Ability

Gust of Wind

Heat Metal

Lesser Restoration

Locate Animals or Plants

Locate Object

Moonbeam (Sky must be visible)

Pass Without Trace

Protection from Poison

Skywrite (Sky must be visible)

Spider Climb

Spike Growth (Must be plants within spell range)

Warding Wind

3rd Level:

Call Lightning (Sky must be visible, must be significant cloud cover)

Daylight (Sky must be visible)

Erupting Earth

Plant Growth (Plant life must be within spell range)

Protection from Energy

Sleet Storm (Sky must be visible, must be significant cloud cover)

Speak with Plants

Wall of Water (Must be water in spell range)

Water Breathing

Water Walk

Wind Wall

4th Level:

Blight

Control Water

Dominate Beast

Freedom of Movement

Giant Insect (Must be insects within range)

Ice Storm (Must be cold or water nearby)

Locate Creature

Polymorph

Stone Shape

Stoneskin (Must be earth or unworked stone in spell range)

Wall of Fire (Cannot be cast with caster in water)

5th Level:

Awaken

Commune with Nature

Conjuration

Control Winds

Geas

Greater Restoration

Insect Plague (Must be insects in range)

Maelstrom (Sky must be visible, significant cloud cover present)

Mass Cure Wounds

Scrying

Transmute Rock

Tree Stride

Wall of Stone (Must be earth or unworked stone in spell range)

6th Level:

Find the Path

Flesh to Stone

Heal

Heroes’ Feast

Investiture of Flame (Must be warm)

Investiture of Ice (Must be water in spell range)

Investiture of Stone (Must be earth or unworked stone in spell range)

Investiture of Wind

Move Earth

Sunbeam (Sky must be visible)

Transport via Plants

True Seeing

Wall of Thorns (Plant life must be in range)

Wind Walk

7th Level:

Firestorm (Caster cannot be wet)

Plane Shift

Regenerate

Whirlwind

8th Level:

Animal Shapes

Control Weather

Earthquake

Sunburst (Sky must be visible)

9th Level:

Foresight

Shapechange

Storm of Vengeance

True Resurrection

Spellcasting Ability

Wisdom is the spellcasting ability for their druid spells, since their magic draws upon their devotion and attunement to nature. they use their Wisdom whenever a spell refers to their spellcasting ability. In addition, they use their Wisdom modifier when setting the saving throw DC for a druid spell they cast and when making an attack roll with one.

Spell save DC = 8 + their proficiency bonus + their Wisdom modifier

Spell Attack modifier = their proficiency bonus + their Wisdom modifier

Dire Mentor

Dire druids learn their magic through a connection to a beast or place. As part of this, they have a special connection to a beast or awoken plant, initially of CR ¼ or less. A Dire Mentor, regardless of species, will gain certain traits due to its connection with the druid. A Mentor with INT of less than 8 will have that stat raised to 8, and its life will be tied to the druid. Whichever creature has a shorter lifespan will live as long as the natural life of the longer-lived being.

A dire mentor levels with the Dire Druid, and has a d6 hit die. Any time that the dire druid levels in dire druid, the dire mentor can also add their con modifier to their higher HP. When the mentor reaches levels 4, 8, 12, 16, and 19, they can increase their ability modifiers just as the dire druid can. Upon reaching level 10, the dire druid’s growing power can shape their dire mentor into a stronger beast (up to CR 1). The beast must be related to the Dire Mentor’s original form, (For ex, Wolf mentor can become Dire Wolf, awoken shrub cannot become a giant eagle, Wolf to Bear is up to DM Discretion). When Dire Mentor is within melee with its Dire Druid, spells cast by the Dire Druid can affect the Mentor and Druid as if they were one creature.

Dire Druid Wild Shape

Dire Druids can assume the shape of a beast like that of their Dire Mentor. At level 2, they can take the shape of two additional beasts with a challenge rating ¼ or less. At level 4, a dire druid learns to take the shape of an additional beast, with the ability to swim and a challenge rating of up to ½, and at level 8 a dire druid learns a fifth form which may have a challenge rating of up to 1 and a flying speed. This means that a dire druid will have up to 5 possible wild shapes. When the Dire Mentor changes, the dire druid may change their wild shape to match, or not, but they may never have more than 5 possible shapes.

Dire druids can maintain a wild shape for a number of hours equal to their druid level. they then revert to their normal form unless they expend another use of this feature. they can revert to their normal form earlier by using a Bonus Action on their Turn. they automatically revert if they fall Unconscious, drop to 0 hit points, or die.

While they are transformed, the following rules apply:

While transformed and within one half of the Dire Druid level (rounded up after level 2) miles of each other, the Dire Druid and Dire Mentor can communicate telepathically.

their game Statistics are replaced by the Statistics of the beast, but they retain their alignment, personality, and Intelligence, Wisdom, and Charisma scores. they also retain all of their skill and saving throw proficiencies, in addition to gaining those of the creature. If the creature has the same proficiency as they and the bonus in its stat block is higher than theirs, use the creature’s bonus instead of theirs.

When they transform, they assume the beast’s Hit Points and Hit Dice. When they revert to their normal form, they return to the number of hit points they had before they transformed. However, if they revert as a result of Dropping to 0 Hit Points, any excess damage carries over to their normal form.

They can’t cast spells, and their ability to speak or take any action that requires hands is limited to the capabilities of their beast form. Transforming doesn’t break their Concentration or prevent them from taking actions that are part of a spell, that they’ve already cast.

They retain the benefit of any features from their class, race, or other source and can use them if the new form is physically capable of doing so. However, they can’t use any of their Special senses, such as Darkvision, unless their new form also has that sense.

they choose whether their Equipment falls to the ground in their space, merges into their new form, or is worn by it. Equipment doesn’t change size or shape to match the new form. Equipment that merges with the form has no effect until they leave the form.

Dire Druid Natural Recovery

Starting at 2nd level, they can regain some of their magical energy by sitting in meditation and communing with nature. During a Short Rest, they choose expended spell slots to recover. The spell slots can have a combined level that is equal to or less than half their druid level (rounded up), and none of the slots can be 6th level or higher. they can’t use this feature again until they finish a Long Rest.

Land’s Stride

Starting at 5th level, moving through nonmagical difficult terrain costs they no extra Movement. they can also pass through nonmagical Plants without being slowed by them and without taking damage from them if they have thorns, spines, or a similar hazard.

In addition, they have advantage on saving throws against Plants that are magically created or manipulated to impede Movement, such those created by the Entangle spell.

Nature’s Ward

When they reach 10th level, they can’t be Charmed or Frightened by elementals or fey, and they are immune to poison and disease.

Nature’s Sanctuary

When they reach 12th level, creatures of the natural world sense their connection to nature and become hesitant to Attack them. When a beast or plant creature attacks them, that creature must make a Wisdom saving throw against the druid spell save DC. On a failed save, the creature must choose a different target, or the Attack automatically misses. On a successful save, the creature is immune to this effect for 24 hours.

The creature is aware of this effect before it makes its Attack.

Beast Spells

Beginning at 18th level, they can cast many of their druid spells in any shape they assume using Wild Shape. they can perform the somatic and verbal Components of a druid spell while in a beast shape, but they aren’t able to provide material Components.

Archdruid

At 20th level, they can use their Wild Shape an unlimited number of times.

Additionally, they can ignore the verbal and somatic Components of their druid spells, as well as any material Components that lack a cost and aren’t consumed by a spell. they gain this benefit in both their normal shape and their beast shape from Wild Shape.

#5e #dungeons and dragons #homebrew

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christianlivingtoday-blog · 5 years ago

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How to Cooperate with the Supernatural

And a certain man was there, which had an infirmity thirty and eight years. When Jesus saw him lie, and knew that he had been now a long time in that case, he saith unto him, Wilt thou be made whole? The impotent man answered him, Sir, I have no man, when the water is troubled, to put me into the pool: but while I am coming, another steppeth down before me. Jesus saith unto him, Rise, take up thy bed, and walk. And immediately the man was made whole, and took up his bed, and walked: and on the same day was the sabbath.

John 5:5-9

The story of the healing of the paralytic proves to us that Jesus did not attempt to do supernatural things unless He saw that God was doing them.

Jesus went to the Pool of Bethesda and met a man who had been there for thirty-eight years. This man had been at the pool for such a long time because he did not have any nurses to help him.

I once saw a similar situation in a hospital. There was a man who had an accident that broke his hip joint such that he couldn’t walk. He needed to have surgery but this man didn’t know anybody who could help him. He was not a rich man. He was also not an important person. So every time he was scheduled for surgery, somebody else was given his place. This man continued to lie in bed even though his case needed immediate surgery! Eventually, one year later, he had his surgery which was too late to be effective.

He was just like the man by the pool of Bethesda who had no one to help him. Jesus selected this man for healing and ignored all the others. There was a large number of very ill people there. Would He heal all of them? Did He heal all of them? Did He attempt to line them up and minister to them? The answer is “no”. Jesus simply ignored the large number of sick people around Him and ministered to one person.

Why did Jesus heal only one person? How did He select this man out of the crowd? He followed the visible appearance of the Holy Spirit. Jesus did not talk to any of the sick people. Seeing this man and suddenly knowing a little about his condition made him sense that God was interested in that man. We would probably say that Jesus had a “word of knowledge” about that man.

The unspiritual and faithless would say that Jesus just healed the first person He saw. However, the spiritual person does not operate by chance, by luck or by good fortune. He knows that God is at work even in his thoughts.

As soon as Jesus saw and knew something about this man, He believed that God was leading Him to help that man.

Six Keys to Cooperating with the Supernatural

1. Work only when you see the Father working.

But Jesus answered them, My Father worketh hitherto, and I work.

John 5:17

The key to aligning yourself with God is following the Holy Spirit. The key to following the Holy Spirit is to watch what He is doing and where He is doing it. In other words, Jesus was saying, “If I see my Father working, I will jump in and work. If I see my Father ministering to someone, then I will minister to him.”

Then answered Jesus and said unto them, Verily, verily, I say unto you, The Son can do nothing of himself, but what he seeth the Father do: for what things soever he doeth, these also doeth the Son likewise.

John 5:19-20

Jesus restricted His ministration to what He could see the Father doing. Unlike some of us, who want to pray for everyone and heal everyone, Jesus restricted Himself to doing only what His Father did. Jesus knew that He could fulfil the purposes of God better by restricting His activities to what the Father did.

Jesus did not feel embarrassed that only one person would be healed. Jesus was not embarrassed by the fact that people would think, “There were not many miracles today.” Jesus did not care whether people thought He was powerful or not. If His Father wanted one miracle, He would do no more than one miracle.

2. Wait until you see the Father working.

For the Father loveth the Son, and sheweth him all things that himself doeth: and he will shew him greater works than these, that ye may marvel.

John 5:20

Be patient! Don’t rush! I must wait till I see my Father showing me His miracles and His works. When God loves you, He will show you what He is doing. When God loves you, He will show you whom He is healing and whom He is touching. If you do not wait to see what the Father is doing, you will stumble in the dark and experiment with unworkable things.

Occasionally, you will find something that works. But most of the time, you will be found beating the air and sweating away to no purpose.

You cannot do anything until God does it. If He is not making your church grow you cannot make it grow yourself. If He is not healing you, you cannot be healed. If He is not delivering you, you cannot be delivered. God doesn’t just do everything for everybody.

God is always doing something in particular. We must wait and see what God is doing. We must be patient! We must flow with what He is doing. We must move away from what He is not doing!

3. Accept and follow the manifestations of healings.

Healings are a special manifestation of the Spirit. It is the manifestation that marks out the new covenant. People can fake crying, screaming, shaking and trembling. But, no man can fake healings. People are either healed or they are not. Following the visible appearance of the Spirit is the great key to a successful healing ministry: Follow the visible appearances of the Holy Spirit. This is the key to the healing ministry: pray for those that God is healing. Avoid praying for people that God is not healing. All your past failures in ministry can be attributed to your doing things that God was not doing. Every time we pray for someone whom God is not touching, there is an impression that God’s power is not there. There is a feeling that there is no anointing. The most successful ministers are those who strictly follow the Holy Spirit.

I remember praying for a twenty-five-year old lady who was dying in hospital. I knew that God loved her and would never let her die at that age. Unfortunately, she did die in spite of my strong and fervent prayers for her. This was a confusing experience for me because this lady was a faithful long-standing Christian who loved God with all her might. Yet she died in the prime of her life, leaving behind a husband and a child.

Why does God do apparently insignificant miracles in a miracle service when there are really ill people who need healing badly? It is these looming questions that caused many of the great healing evangelists to question the healing ministry and eventually stop ministering healing.

4. Accept and follow all of the eighteen manifestations of the Spirit.

The key to successfully ministering the Spirit is to watch out for what God is doing. If you can see that God is touching someone visibly, then you simply also touch the person. You must accept when God is ministering to someone who begins shaking, trembling, screaming or crying! Notice if people are being healed! Notice if people are falling under the power! Notice if there are prophecies! If the Spirit shows you that He is touching someone, touch that person. Leave all the other dry bones! This is the great key to successfully ministering the Spirit.

It is important to accept what God is doing and flow with it. If you flow with the move of God, He will be with you. If you fight against what He is doing you will never succeed. After years of walking with the Lord, I have simply lost all confidence in my ability to do my own thing. I just have to trust Him and do what He wants to do.

Ultimately, we belong to God. We can only do what He is doing.

But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ:

Ephesians 4:15

We must grow up into Him in all things. This means that we must grow up in healings, miracles and manifestations of the Holy Spirit. We must grow up in our understanding of the administration of the Spirit. We must grow up in Him in the workings and the moves of the Spirit.

5. Accept and follow men whom the Spirit is using.

Unfortunately, the Lord is not as predictable as we would like Him to be. Human beings love predictable things. We want to be able to say, “This is what God will do!” We want to be able to say, “God will heal this person tomorrow.” We wish we could predict whether God will use this young man and not the other one. However, most of the time we are wrong. God does not fit into our stereotypes.

You can never tell whom God is going to use. You can hardly tell whether God is going to heal someone or not. It is very difficult to tell whether this person will live long or not. No one can tell if God will use the pastor’s son or a stranger from nowhere. I have seen large families, in which the parents predicted which of their sons would be a priest. They also predicted which son would be a wicked businessman. Surprisingly, the wicked man turned out to be the priest and the priest turned out to be something else.

As it is written, Jacob have I loved, but Esau have I hated.

Romans 9:13

This is a Scripture that confuses many people. We wrestle with the fact that God would choose a thief and a trickster. Why would God leave the decent firstborn son, who pleased his father and replace him with this con man?

Align Yourself with God

God cannot be predicted and stereotyped! What we need to know and understand is: “What is God doing at this particular moment?” This is often different from what we expect God to do. There will be more miracles, more successes, more victories when we get to walk with God. After all, it is God who will do the work. It is God who will build the Church. It is God who will make you successful. The Bible says it clearly: the God who called you is the one who will actuallydo it.

Faithful is he that calleth you, who also will do it.

1 Thessalonians 5:24

6. Accept and follow what God is doing in churches.

One of the keys to successful church planting and church growth is to plant your church where God is visibly working with churches. Your new church is likely to work in a city where God is obviously working to build churches. A city in which large churches flourish is a city where the Holy Spirit is visibly causing churches to grow. A church will never grow without the power of the Holy Spirit at work.

by Dag Heward-Mills

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genderkoolaid · 2 years ago

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"The rhetoric I have seen starts from a good place: social constructs do influence our choices, this is basic sociology. Misogyny does influence our choices, including our most personal choices, and a part of unworking that is analyzing why we make the choices we do, and how those choices impact us. A non-gender example could be a person of color straightening their naturally curly hair; that is a personal choice, but may also be influenced by a culture that values straight hair over curly hair, especially with poc, and they might do some reflection and come to the conclusion that this personal choice is rooted in racism and they don't want to do it anymore; they may view this as an act of defiance and be very proud of it. And good for them!

The core concept is right, but the way I have seen it been applied is, for example, "women can't REALLY know if they are men, they can't trust their feelings or their minds, and I know better than them because I'm a radfem and therefore Awakened, so I can override their autonomy and its okay because they can't understand their choices and I can!". This kind of moralistic disregard for other women has been an issue for decades:

"The Feminists were idealist, voluntarist and moralistic in the extreme. They totally disregarded what other women said they wanted or felt, and their idea of organizing was to exhort women to stop submitting to oppression by being subservient or participating in sexist institutions like marriage. Once at an abortion demonstration in front of a legislative committee I had a huge argument with a member of the group who was yelling at the committee's female secretaries and clerks that they were traitors for not walking out on their jobs and joining us." (Radical Feminism and Feminist Radicalism by Ellen Willis)

its a cornerstone of radfem ideology that women are incapable of making real choices Because Patriarchy. if a woman likes makeup, its because shes been conditioned to. same with heels, dresses, anything stereotypically feminine, any kink, sex work, etc. etc. and you can literally do this to anything you dislike.

and because of this, women need the Enlightened Radfems to tell them how to think and feel. its justifiable to deny other women's autonomy, because they can't really think for themselves, they are brainwashed by the patriarchy. so it doesn't matter if you violate their autonomy, ignore their wants, and demand that they do whatever you think is morally right. because you know what's best, and they don't. you have taken the red pill and they just can't see it yet. radfems essentially take the patriarchy and just replace cis men with themselves, and all women with non-radfem women (or radfem women who have different beliefs than them). when you build your ideology on the idea that anyone who disagrees with you is brainwashed and you are justified in ignoring their autonomy and opinions because of that, you end up with a pretty fucked up worldview and way of interacting with others.

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heartfeltinspirations · 6 years ago

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Forgiveness calms the storms of painful emotions within.

March 8, 2019 by John Smallman

The Oneness that is God, that is All That Is, includes every sentient being ever created or that ever will be created: There is NO separation! Ever. But, living in form, as humans, the reality of this escapes you. You have forgotten the Truth, and because of the severely limiting beliefs that being human imposes upon you, you need divine Guidance to find your way Home. And that Guidance – the Holy Spirit – is always with you waiting patiently for you to take the time to listen.

Living as humans in form your egos are extremely vociferous, making it very difficult for you (you are not your egos, although your egos don’t want you to know that) to hear the still small voice for God. Sometimes you do hear but refuse to believe it, thinking that you know better. You have all at times gone against your intuition, your inner knowing, and, when things have not turned out as you had hoped they would, you have regretted not listening to your intuition. Your intuition will never lead you astray. Nevertheless, that does not mean that your path will always be smooth, because before you incarnated you set yourselves up with a path that would present you with the lessons that you needed to learn, and that you had therefore chosen to learn.

Most of you have had many human lives and have not yet learned all the lessons that were appropriate for your circumstances. Now, as your awakening approaches, these lessons must be learned to enable you to move forward. Within every human these lessons are now arising in myriad ways, causing chaos, confusion, and conflict in many places, and in many relationships. The way to deal with them is to listen! Your divine Guidance is always with you, and Its message is consistent, it is always the same: “Love one another!”

Deep in your hearts you know this to be true, and yet you disregard it when you choose to be offended by another’s unloving judgment of you, or by their unloving words directed at you, and instead of responding with Love you choose to respond – or, more honestly, react – in a similarly unloving fashion. Many people are forever attacking others, or defending themselves against others, and even though it is normally done only silently in their minds, what people do in their minds establishes their beliefs, the beliefs they live by and which direct their lives: “I cannot trust anyone; I am always being attacked; no one appreciates me; no one understands me; no one LOVES me!”

For as long as you wait for another to be loving first, so long will you keep on waiting to be loved instead of being attacked. Love and change starts with you! After all, as you have so often been told: There is no one else!

Over the last five or six decades many people have woken up to this, and have changed their attitudes and their behaviors. As a result awareness has grown, on a scale never before seen in humanity, of the need to move from fear to love in all relationships, from personal ones to international political ones, and all in between. It is this enormous change in the collective awareness that is leading you so powerfully forwards towards your inevitable awakening . . . and without delay.

Your awakening requires that all your ignored or denied issues – anything within you that is not in alignment with love – arise into your awareness so that they may be released. This means that you must forgive all who have caused you pain or suffering of any kind. Most of you are aware, or are becoming aware, that quite often what you experience as an attack is nothing of the sort, that you have in fact just misperceived a situation or a communication. However, in the moment, you either reacted defensively or attacked the other, leading to escalation and conflict which was not only unnecessary, but was also painful, and very damaging for the relationship.

Before forgiving however, demanding judgment and restitution for perceived wrongs seems just, righteous, essential, and the only way for people to live together peacefully in any kind of community or society – Rules are required and must be obeyed . . . or else!

This is the way humans have conducted their lives for eons. It is not forgiveness justto let go of bygones because the offending person has been judged and suitably punished, leaving you feeling and believing that justice has been served, while, at the same time,you continue to hold onto a sense of vindication because of the outcome. Now, more and more people are beginning to see through the unworkability of this belief, and are changing their attitudes and behaviors to reflect this awareness.

Forgiveness occurs when you choose to forgive another by completely and utterly, without any conditions whatsoever, letting go of any hurt that you have experienced and been nursing – sometimes for many years. When you do that you find peace within yourselves. Within that feeling of peace another amazing thing also happens: you find that you can forgive yourselves for all the wrongs that you have committed which have hurt others, and which you have, until this moment, either denied because you are so ashamed of them, or justified because you believed that they were perfectly reasonable responses to another’s attack on you.

Forgiveness calms the potential energy that can build storms of painful emotions within, which have often been lovingly held onto for long periods of time, sometimes decades, that erupt powerfully from time to time, totally and utterly dissolving them. Until you truly forgive you will find this impossible to believe. And when you do forgive your whole experience of life changes dramatically for the better, because all those jealously harbored resentments and feelings of bitterness, over how others have treated you in the past, are no longer constantly replaying in your memories and bringing those events vividly back to life in the present moment, thus denying you any sense of peace or joy.

The process of forgiveness, and it is a process, demands recognition and acceptance of your humanness and of your divinity. Your divinity is, of course perfect, but your human side is in the process of evolving spiritually, and forgiveness is a large part of that. There are very few among you who do not bear grudges and resentments against others for perceived mistreatment, valid or invalid, that continues daily to disturb your ability to feel at peace for any length of time. When memories of mistreatment arise causing strong emotions of fear, pain, anger, and resentment to invade your minds, your sense of pleasure in just being alive gets blocked out or hidden from you. When true forgiveness occurs within you, you will know it, because those storms of painful emotions will no longer be present, and you will find yourselves mainly in a state of peace and contentment.

Therefore, in your daily periods of contemplation, meditation, or plain relaxation as “you just smell the roses,” set the intent to let go of the judgments that encourage your sense of righteousness, and which forbid you to forgive, because you believe that justice must be done and be seen to be done. It is these long held attitudes which have brought so much pain and suffering to humanity over the eons. After all, most of you have no trouble forgiving small children for their errors and mistakes, therefore intend to realize that although you inhabit adult sized bodies, and have probably done so for decades, there is still within you a small child who acts out from time to time. Now is the time to intensely renew your love for that small, and often frightened child – who undoubtedly had many experiences of painful and abusive behaviors while growing towards adulthood –and welcome it into your arms with a warm loving embrace, while totally forgiving it for every misbehavior or misdeed that it has ever committed. This will not be accomplished in an instant, because injury – mental, emotional, or physical – encountered during childhood leaves deep scars that require time and loving kindness in order to heal.

Give yourselves that time to heal, don’t try to rush it – rushing, seeking instant gratification, is endemic in many parts of the world today. Your inner child needs time, your time! So provide it willingly and lovingly, and listen to it with great patience and empathy. Explain that you totally and utterly support it, and that you will be there when it is in fear, and that you will help it to grow up – as it most certainly wants to . . . don’t you remember, you did? – being there with wise guidance when it feels threatened or needy. Love is the offering that your inner child needs and deserves from you, and only you can provide it. It’s very likely that when you were small those who were caring for you, or were supposed to be caring for you, did not give you the time you needed, therefore it’s a need you do fully understand . . . honor it in your inner child!

Your loving brother, Jesus, who always honors your inner child.

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mypearlssales · 7 years ago

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The Best Hair Straighteners - 2018

Are you looking to get those curls under control? Read on for our recommendations for the best hair straighteners in 2018 from £25 to £165. GHD arguably changed the way that women do their hair when they launched the first commercially available hair straighteners in 2001. Now nearly 17 years later, it is estimated that more than a quarter of women in the western world own a set of hair straighteners. With more brands and options available than ever before, and even men beginning to take advantage of this wonderful technology, we have never been more spoilt for choice when it comes to hair straighteners.

Best Hair Straighteners

Hair Straighteners Plate Size Price GHD IV STYLER - Editors Choice 2.7cm Check Price BABYLISS 3Q 2.8cm

Check Price CLOUD NINE ORIGINAL IRON 4cm

Check Price TONI & GUY STYLE FIX 2cm

Check Price CORIOLISS C3 2.2cm

Check Price T3 X SINGLEPASS 3.8cm

Check Price HERSHESONS TITANIUM IONIC PROFESSIONAL 2.3cm

Check Price WAHL PENCIL 1.5cm

Check Price

A quick search on Amazon and you’ll come across a huge quantity of customer reviews for hair straighteners and it quickly becomes apparent that not everyone is happy with their purchase. Like most other electrical goods, hair straighteners have a shelf life, so even if you liked your last ones, new advances in technology invariably mean that your old ones are no longer available or are no longer the best available. So without too much further ado, here’s our guide to the best hair straighteners available today for frizz-free, sleek and glossy locks. Whether you want perfectly straight hair, sensual waves or classy curls, these are our favourites. If you also want help finding out what all the different features mean before deciding to buy, then read on.

How to buy the best hair straighteners to suit your hair

Hair straighteners are relatively simple devices, they tend not to come with a range of buttons or a collection of interchangeable attachments, their goal is a simple one, which is to create smooth and straight hair. As they all do the same thing, it would make sense if there wasn’t much between different between models and that they would all cost roughly the same. However, nothing could be further from the truth.

Does Size Matter?

Everyone knows that wider plates are the best to use as they’ll work their way through your hair in no time at all, right? Wrong! If you happen to have curly, thick or long hair, then large plates are definitely the way to go. The major drawback is that you’ll not be able to do much in the way of curling or styling with thick plates. Plates that are under one inch are much better suited are much better suited to this and are likely to be better for most other types of hair. If you have short hair, you’ll definitely benefit from thinner plates which are less than one inch, this will allow for greater control and afford you the precision you’ll need.

Are hotter hair straighteners better?

I have in the past bought hair straighteners with the highest claimed temperature setting, crank them up to the maximum setting and assume that my hair would straighten faster and stay straighter for longer. However, this can do more harm than good. High heat can break and irrevocably damage fine hair, even if your hair is thick and curly, you’ll only need plates that are slightly hotter. It’s worth noting that keratin, which makes up your hair, starts to melt at around 233 degrees.

One of the more recent advances in hair straightener technology is the introduction of plates that can automatically detect your hair type and adjust the temperature to match. If you have a straightener that requires manual adjusting, you can follow the basic recommendation that fine or treated hair should be set to around 160ºC, else you risk damaging your hair. Medium textured healthy hair can use straighteners set to around 185ºC. And for anyone with thick, tightly curled or coarse hair, you can probably set the temperature to around 210ºC, but only if you straighten our hair infrequently. If you’re straightening your hair on a regular basis then it’s best to keep the temperature at around 185ºC.

What are the must-have features?

It perhaps goes without saying but a long cable is an absolute must-have, you really don’t want to be tethered to the wall socket, especially if it’s in an inconvenient location. Anything less than 2m can be considered unworkable, ideally, you’ll want a cable of around 4m. As an added bonus, if you can get a rotatable cord which can swivel 360 degrees, then this can make your job much easier, allowing you to reach all parts of your head with relative ease. If you’re someone that travels a lot, then cordless straighteners would be an obvious choice, the downside is they will not heat up as quickly as a mains powered straightener. Safety should also be a consideration when looking for the perfect model, some irons will switch off automatically if they’ve been left idle for a period of time – this can prove a great deal of peace of mind, especially if like me you begin to wonder if you switched everything off when you left the house this morning. A straightener that heats up quickly can shave a decent amount of time off your morning routine, which is especially important if you’re someone that’s frequently in a rush. Lastly, if you plan to do any styling with the straightener, creating curls, flicks or waves, then an iron with curved edges is a must have.

The best hair straighteners to buy – 2018

GHD IV Styler Review – The best hair straightener under £150 - Editors Choice

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Despite an ever-increasing amount of hair straighteners available in the world, you can invariably rely on the legendary GHD to provide products which are well made and capable of lasting a lifetime of use, and they will also straighten and take care of your hair too. Advertised as a straightener which will only ever need one stroke, the plates have been designed to provide the ideal heat for your hair type, and additionally maintain that temperature consistently, ensuring there are no unforeseen temperature surges or drops. This means there is less chance of damaging your hair as you’ll only need to run the hair straightener through your hair once. The obvious upshot of this is that they are very quick, you can be finished straightening your hair in around half the normal time, and additionally, you’ll have less chance of breakages and shinier locks as well.

In terms of aesthetics, the GHD IV Styler is a good looking piece of kit, it’s available in both a traditional understated black. The colours work well and the shape of the straightener is uncomplicated and sophisticated looking. All round is an excellent piece of kit. • Key specs – 2.7cm-wide ceramic plates • Maximum temperature: 185°C • Universal voltage • 2.7m swivel cord • Automatic 30-minute shut-off • Two-year warranty

BaByliss 3Q Hair Straightener Review

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BaByliss is no stranger to making hair tools and accessories, their innovation in the industry dates back to the 60’s. Many of its inventions, which includes the Perfect Curl and Big Hair, have made a huge impact in the industry and have likely changed more than a few lives. These are just a few of BaByliss’s latest straighteners and we absolutely love them, from the way they heat up quickly, through to how well they can transform even the most unruly hair into something glorious, they are fantastic. That’s without even taking the ‘Protect’ feature into consideration, which quickly and accurately adjusts the straightener’s temperature to avoid damage to your hair. The BaByliss 3Q Hair Straightener is no exception, it features several features which are normally only found on professional or very high-end models, for example, the sensors which work out the perfect temperature for your hair type, to the slick plates which consistently maintain an accurate temperature. But, they aren’t without their minor niggles; the straighteners can be quite noisy, producing a sometimes unpleasant buzzing sound. You’ll also need to be careful when manually selecting a temperature to not overheat your hair on the highest temperature setting. Overall they are a very capable set of hair straighteners and we wouldn’t hesitate to recommend them. • Key specs – Quartz-ceramic 2.8cm plates • 12 digital heat settings • Maximum temperature: 235°C • 3m swivel cable • Automatic 72-minute shut-off • Five-year warranty

Cloud Nine Original Iron Hair Straightener Review: The best GHD alternative

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What happens when the original founder of GHD leaves in order to make something even better? If you have correctly guessed that the result is the Cloud Nine Original Iron Hair Straightener, pat yourself on the back, because you are of course, correct. It’s perhaps no wonder that these beauties slide through hair with very little effort, leaving behind flawlessly shiny, silky and most importantly, straight locks of hair. The straightener has a choice of six heat settings to choose from, but in our testing, we found that the lower temperatures would normally do the job perfectly well. This can mean less stress placed on your hair and decreased the chance of damage. In terms of ergonomics, they felt great in my moderately sized hands and are lightweight as well, I personally found them very easy to use for curling and flicking. It’s worth noting that there have been reports of the straighteners breaking after a year or two, especially with very heavy users. We’re told measures have been taken to avoid this happening in the future, but only time will tell as to how successful this has been.

• Key specs – 4cm-wide mineral-infused ceramic plates • Five temperature control options • Maximum temperature: 200°C • Universal voltage; 2.6m cord • Automatic 30-minute shut-off • One-year warranty

Toni & Guy Style Fix Straightener Review: The best cheap hair straighteners

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One of the most striking features of these straighteners is the vivid and cool blue plates, which is a unique selling point and helps them stand out from the normal blacks and whites. Additionally, they’re also perfectly proportioned for the frequent traveller, easily fitting into a handbag and they weigh next to nothing. If alarm bells are now ringing in your head due to the smaller size and diminutive price, then you can rest assured that the straighteners actually work surprisingly well. They are ideal for someone with short to medium length hair. The plates heat up very quickly and are more than capable of giving your hair a nice gloss, but the downside is you’ll need to work on smaller sections of your hair at a time due to the smaller plates. They are less than ideal if you have thick or very long hair, if you do, you’re better off picking a model with thicker plates. There are several other hair tools in the Toni and Guy range if you’re looking to complete the whole range. • Key specs – 2cm-wide tourmaline plates • Maximum temperature: 210°C • Universal voltage • 1.8m swivel cord • Power on/off indicator • Five-year warranty

Corioliss C3 Gold Leopard Hair Straightener Review: The best £75 straighteners

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The gold leopard c3 hair straighteners are a sight to behold. They are bold, bright and not shy about their looks, whether you think they look gorgeous or garish is a matter of opinion, but regardless of how they look, they definitely do the job. These straighteners will effortlessly glide through most hair types to create ruler straight classy results. You’ll need to spend a bit of time experimenting with the different heat settings in order to identify the optimal temperature for your hair type. Generally speaking, a lower temperature is better for finer hair, while a hotter temperature is better suited for thicker hair. Once you’ve found the golden temperature setting for your hair, the extra-long titanium plates will make short work of your hair, leaving you with soft, smooth, frizz-free perfect locks. Thankfully the straighteners don’t pull on your hair when using them and the swivel cord affords a ton of manoeuvrability, which makes the job of straightening so much easier. The C3 uses infrared technology to heat hair, which should, in theory, result in more uniform heat coverage and increased efficiency, this was difficult to test and we cannot honestly say if this method is more effective compared to traditional heating methods.

• Key specs – 11.5cm extra-long floating titanium plates • Maximum temperature: 235°C • Universal voltage; 3m swivel cord • Automatic two-hour shut-off • One-year warranty

T3 X SinglePass Straightener Review: The best hair straighteners – if you can afford them

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Reassuringly expensive. These glossy white multi award-winning straighteners are universally praised by A-list celebrities and top hair stylists from every corner of the world. The extra wide plates which heat up in a meagre six seconds are capable of straightening, curling and flicking even the coarsest, thick and longest hair in just one pass. Clever engineering has integrated a digital microchip into the design which keenly monitors the performance of the straighteners; making adjustments to the temperature in fractions of a second in order uniformly straighten your hair with the minimal of fuss. As the plates are made from tourmaline and ceramic, they are exceptional when they need to tame frizz and wiry locks; hair will end up looking healthy and full of life. So, if you’re looking to spoil yourself or be spoiled, we can without a moment’s hesitation recommend these hair straighteners to anyone that doesn’t object to spending a little bit more.

• Key specs – 3.8cm-wide ceramic and tourmaline plates • Maximum temperature: 220°C • Worldwide voltage • 2.7m swivel cord • Automatic one-hour shut-off • Two-year warranty

Hershesons Titanium Ionic Professional Straighteners: The best straighteners for £100

If you’re looking to create perfectly straight hair with no sign of kinks, then these are probably the perfect hair straighteners for you. The blurb for the straighteners tell us that the straighteners impressive ability is down to the innovative titanium production, the results really do speak for themselves, with shiny, glossy hair which is soft and an almost liquid appearance that easily lasts a full day. No bulky arms required, the straighteners are very lightweight and will never snag, which is largely due to the very flexible rotating cord. The plates heat up in a matter of seconds, which is perfect if you find yourself in a hurry in the mornings, and the temperature panel is conveniently located so it’s dead easy to see. We didn’t find many drawbacks with the plates, but we have seen reports of inaccurate temperatures, which is something we didn’t personally experience.

• Key specs– 2.3cm-wide ionic ceramic plates • Maximum temperature: 230°C • 2.5cm rotating cord • Automatic one-hour shut-off • 180-day warranty

Wahl Pencil Hair Straightener Review: The best budget hair straighteners for short hair

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If you have short hair, then this might be the perfect product for you. The Wahl Pencil straightener has been designed with short haired women in mind and has ultra-thin plates to make the job much easier. So, whether you’re looking to tame a frizzy bob or create a sleek fringe, these are ideal for long lasting straightness. As a testament to their effectiveness at quickly styling short straight hair, they are increasingly popular with men as well. These are a no-frills hair straightener, with limited features and no way to change the heat settings, but they are effective and heat up quickly, the plates are very smooth and the cable length is generous. We used these for every hair type we could find, from thin hair through to thick curls, and they worked on everything, creating sleek straight hair which any professional hair stylist would be proud of. At this price point, these straighteners are an absolute bargain and come highly recommended.

from My Pearls - Blog https://www.otomo.co.uk/blogs/news/the-best-hair-straighteners-2018

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asenseofagency · 8 years ago

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3/26/17

It’s raining off and on, so the hike I had planned for today will probably get pre-empted for some other day. Just as well, I guess; I’m not totally against slouchy sweaters and tea and lounging with a couple of half-finished books.

I’m taking a second crack at Stanislaw Lem, having loved Solaris many months ago when I read it. Unfortunately, most of Lem’s (mid-20th century) books suffer a glaring lack of characters that aren’t white dudes. The women and POC that (vanishingly) appear in his books are environmental in a sense: when they appear at all, they serve the plot with, generally, the least investment of humanity possible. Meanwhile, white men are explorers!, administrators!, and scientists! capable of profound depths of thought and expression. I cut at ran the first time around when I got to a line in Return from the Stars about women being ill-suited as astronauts because of... their inescapable childcare responsibilities. It’s the price of admission to so much classic sci-fi. Shame.

But I was tempted to come back again, because Lem’s themes are so creative, so philosophical, and so exhaustively explored that they’re sort of irresistible if you can only force yourself past the sexism and racism of his time. I’m glad I did. I just finished His Master’s Voice which may now be, without exaggeration, my favorite book. An absolute masterpiece.

I find myself today in those doldrums familiar to anyone who has just finished a really, really great book and, having given your consciousness up to it completely for several days, you find yourself struggling to reassemble the wreckage of your life. Good thing I have a pile of a few more that I need to prioritize finishing. :)

Meanwhile, Real Life is a mix. I’ve more or less settled on a grad school/PhD program and, in the moments I allow myself, I am beyond excited about that next phase of my life. I’m a little scared too, as it will be the largest leap I’ve made outside my comfort zone in a while, and necessitate, at least for a while, a whole lot of solitude. I can tolerate a lot of solitude but where the boundary is between healthy solitude and isolation/loneliness... that’s not something I’ve had to negotiate in a while. Let’s hope my social sensibilities are still intact. I think they are.

I had a great conversation a few nights ago with a friend I haven’t had a sit-down with in a while. She isn’t in a awesome place, although her situation has been basically unchanged for years, but I haven’t got the first idea how to relate to her condition either, unfortunately, so we just sort of... abide...

The topic of a former mutual friend came up. Friend 1 is a smoother-over. She’d like to see us all re-establish the closeness we had years ago but I think our lives are too different for that now and that’s OK from my perspective. The break came when I spoke my mind about a topic I knew Mutual would have a stridently inflexible opinion on. As has happened before, she saw my dissenting opinion as an attack on the validity of her personal judgment - and I did get personal, in the sense that I brought up specific experiences involving people close to her to illustrate my point; there was no other way to ground my claim. I knew at the time that I was crossing a line but in my opinion, then and now, it was a line drawn by immaturity and fear, a line that ought not have been there at all.

To be less vague: Mutual had become close to a lot of people who were and are, in my opinion, racist and sexist; she denied that they were guilty of these things and when I pointed out instances of those behaviors, she, being loyal to her loved ones above all things - her best and simultaneously most compromising quality, again in my opinion - saw my scrutiny of her other friends’ behavior as mistaken and an overstep.

It is was it is. We had been drifting apart before that and maybe she’s found a real sense of community in her new circle. I wish her the best, I really do, but I think we’re fundamentally incompatible at this point in our lives. I’ve begun to separate myself from people who I feel are rigid and uncompassionate in their thinking or with whom I feel I can’t be totally honest. In my opinion, our relationship had moved into this territory even before the break happened.

Still, it’s strange to feel, as you attempt quite purposefully to improve yourself, that you’re finding the distance between you and others grows all the time. Maybe it’s the nature of the political climate. It certainly feels as if there’s a need to choose sides, with which I have no problem, and the compassionate choice is straightforward to me, but I find myself surrounded by people on the other side, the side of self-interest and the status quo. In a social sense, there really is no reward for polishing your conscience.

My ex, with whom I’m still obligate roommates for the time being, is having his own issues. He’s jumped immediately into dating again, which speaks to a need for attention he wasn’t getting in our relationship and with which I, in my current total self-absorption, honestly take no issue. He’s made the odd choice to start seeing a much younger coworker. Her parents tolerated this at first but their misgivings are boiling over just as that relationship gets serious. He’s visibly irritated about it and broached the subject with me briefly last night. It was the first time we’ve talked that we really haven’t been able to hit upon much common ground. I regretted this because that intimacy of conversation has been the one thing we’ve maintained through this breakup - that sharing, that confidence. This problem of theirs seems... inevitable from my point of view. New Girlfriend is young enough and financially dependent enough upon her parents still that she’s beholden to respect their opinions to some degree; that’s just courtesy. Their displeasure may make that relationship unworkable but pursuing a much younger person, who is also a coworker (for God’s sake!), just seems like a recipe for disaster to me.

People just don’t act rationally, man. I don’t get it.

Those are incidentals though. The biggest weight on me at the moment is the house. I’ve got to decide whether to sell or refinance and while I’m vacillating between my two opinions about it, time creeps forward toward a deadline.

Selling the house makes sense for me, financially. It’s in my name alone but my ex and I both have money invested - me, maybe twice the amount he does by virtue of a big difference in income. If we sell, we’d split the profits, but that would leave him looking for a new place to live and he admitted he didn’t like his options and he’d like to stay here.

Refinancing - only slightly less cumbersome a process than selling - would make the monthly payments more manageable for him on a single income but it would mean I’d be continuing into my new life without seeing any kind of payout of the money I’ve got invested in the house. Also, I wouldn’t be transferring ownership. I wouldn’t be out of the financial picture, which worries me.

So there’s the rub. Do I effectively evict my ex, try to sell the house at an aggressive price within a window of six months, and hopefully have a small nest egg and the luxury of going fully financially clear at the end of the process? Or do we refinance together on the basis of our shared income, establish co-ownership - I leave Ex paying the mortgage when I move for school and transfer the house to him during the proper divorce proceedings a year from now, losing my investment?

It comes does to money versus, I suppose, compassion and convenience. Money inclines me to sell. Compassion and convenience would indicate that I essentially hand over the house to him, though it’s likely I wouldn’t ever see again the money - thousands of dollars at this point - that I’ve paid toward the principal. With my impending return to broke student life, I could really use some savings, and I’m leaning sell. My ideal scenario would involve selling to him, obviating the need for a realtor. We’d be in the same boat of having to go through loan negotiations, a lawyer, and a closing but if I could sell the house to him at a small profit, both of us might benefit: I get a little spending money and am out of the picture and off the deed; he gets the house well below its ostensible market value and doesn’t have to move.

That hinges on his suitability for a home loan though, on the basis of his single (modest) income. There’s the problem: even if I “sold” him the house at below market value, whether he’d qualify for a loan of an amount that would make it worth my while is questionable...

I’ll have to think more on that. Maybe I can better flesh out that plan and we can work out a solution together. One thing that’s been a helpful adaptation through all this is having developed the ability to shelve tricky problems for a few days and come back to them with a fresh perspective. I used to be awful at that but it’s become so necessary in unsticking the many complex obstacles I’ve encountered over the last year’s transition that, though I never thought I’d say this, I’ve gotten very good at that small, impersonal, step-wise approach!

#personal #journaling #brain dump

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mypearlssales · 7 years ago

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from My Pearls - Blog https://www.mypearls.co.uk/blogs/news/the-best-hair-straighteners-2018

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