#i own like half of these because my local comic shop was running a sale and it was a solid investment

[maybefranky]

… a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush?

(but seriously why does warren have so many ‘get grabbed, idiot’ covers. this is JUST the new defenders ones. i think there were a few uncanny covers. maybe one from the hidden years)

[joy1579]

self indulgent

I've been sad. so i wrote a thing to make me less sad. maybe it'll make someone else less sad too or at the very least they can laugh at my “cringe” but either way it did make me less sad so goal accomplished.

Mc and jumin organize a bookshelf jumin asks what neko girls are and MC short circuits his brain for a couple of seconds. no smut just fluff

Moving hadn’t taken long. You had opted to donate your furniture to the local homeless shelter since Jumin’s penthouse was furnished with the highest quality furniture you could dream of. Honestly most of your things paled in comparison to the lavish goods Jumin considered tawdry. Still there were a quite a few boxes you had decided to save, filled mostly with sentimental keepsakes and the few odds and ends that catered to your specific tastes. You were practically finished by noon save the three or four boxes that sat in the main room next to the larger than life bookshelves. Certainly there was plenty of room on them. You never where a fan of negative space on bookshelves but if you were being completely honest that had more to do with how many books you needed to fit in such a finite space. Jumins bookshelves had plenty of room with just enough negative space to look perfectly balanced and while you knew Jumin had told you to do whatever you wished this felt intimate. Bookshelves where holy spaces after all, housing books that change hearts and minds alike that shape the soul and … okay so maybe you just really liked books and that made them seem important to you either way this was definitely something you wanted to do with Jumin. When you heard the door rattle with Jumin homecoming you bolt towards it excited to greet him after work.

“Jumin! Welcome home!” you cried bouncing in place as he made his way inside. You smiled as you saw the creases in his brown flatten and the stress slip from shoulders when he saw you. You waited all of 5 seconds for him to close the door giving you both some privacy from the bodyguards stationed outside before you pounced, leaping upon the business man wrapping your arms around his neck. You delighted in the deep honey of his laughter as he caught your waist in kind and kissed the top of your head gently.

“darling. I’m so glad to be home. How was your day? did you get settled?” Jumin asked as you pulled yourself back slightly giving him room to loosen his tie and set aside his coat.

“everything is in its place except um Jumin there is one thing I need if you don’t mind”

“name it and its yours”

“I wanted to share your bookshelves and I was hoping that maybe you could organize the books with me?” you admitted shyly. It had seemed like such a good idea in the beginning he could show you his favorite books, walk you through his favorite plots and tell you his favorite quotes and you could do the same with him. Yet now as you presented the idea to him you worried. What if he was to tired he had worked all day after all, what if he thought you too needy, or your books to childish. what if he didn’t want your books displayed in the living room because they weren’t very pretty, all of his books where gorgeous leather bound tomes or mint condition hardcovers, yours where second hand at best many where decommissioned library books or garage sale rescues, broken in battered and bruised by years of use. It would make sense to have them put away in a back room where they couldn’t tarnish the pristine collection Jumin had on display. Perhaps you where spiraling, working yourself into a nervous frenzy in the span of a few seconds.

“nothing would make me happier love. We can call the chef to start dinner and begin emptying the shelves for rearranging while he works.” You couldn’t help the smile that spread across your face or the giggle that escaped your lips. The surprise on Jumins face was evident if only for a second before it gave way to a warm sort of fondness. “had I known simple redecorating would make you this happy I would have stayed home and done it all with you” he said affectionately running his fingers through your hair.

“it’s not that I just,” you paused face flushing a bit “books are a big deal, ya know? My dad used to tell me that every book you read becomes a part of you and that you can learn more about someone by the books they love than by the words they say so I wanted to share that with you” jumins eyes where so soft and gentle in that moment you felt your breath hitch “I want to know everything about you and, and I want you to know everything about me” suddenly his lips where on yours fervent and full of passion the hand that had been in your hair now on your chin guiding you too him. The kiss was short and when you parted from him he stayed close, just a hairs breath from your face.

Jumin voice was little more than a whisper as he asked “how is it that every day I manage to fall more in love with you?” you couldn’t help but lean forward and kiss him again an all too familiar giddiness bubbling its way through your soul. You loved this man more than life itself and you knew that would never change.

 “so your ‘Encyclopedia of Fairies’ should go next to the Catherynne M Valente series so we can reference it while reading agreed?” you giggled thrilled that his collection of mythological reference books slotted together with your fae fiction so perfectly. Puzzle pieces connecting to create a masterpiece.

“yes I think that’s perfect. I can’t wait to read her interpretation of such ancient mythos. I also have ‘The World Guide to Gnomes, Fairies, Elves and Other Little People’ if you’d like to add it to that shelf” he said grinning like a child at show and tell.

“oh my goodness yes! That’s perfect and your book on Romanian vampires should be near my ‘Dracula’ and ‘vittorio’ that way that shelf over there can be dedicated to the occult, hauntings, and psychic reference books”

“that sound wonderful and takes care of all the written word but we still haven’t found a place for your comics” Jumin informed glancing toward the woefully large stack of manga you had brought.

“not comic Jumin manga and yeah I think we’re out of space though. I um I didn’t think I had that many books. Sorry” you admitted not meeting his eyes. He tilted your head up to look at him.

“there’s no need to apologize it simply means that tomorrow we can go shopping for another shelf and the next day we can organize those. I’m quite curious about ‘la petite cossette’ you said these where Japanese but that is most certainly a French title.”

“oh I actually think you’d like that one a lot it’s about a man who falls in love with a woman in a cursed portrait its actually pretty tragic in the end.”

“How interesting” he mused retrieving it from the pile of books and skimming through it “the art is truly enchanting and you said that manga has its own subculture?”

“yeah from neko girls to shonen action tropes it has its own vocabulary, history and groups of people its really fun”

“neko girls?” Jumin repeated and your eyes widened at his confusion. This was definitely something he of all people should know about! You jumped up and sprinted to the closet you had filled earlier that day with the few cosplay supplies you had. At the time it had taken nearly half your pay check but if Jumin liked them right now the purchase then would be completely justified. You put on your surprise as quickly as possible before rushing back out to greet Jumin who had just made it to the edge of the living room to come find where you had gone. He froze for a second processing what you were now wearing. White cat ears that moved and twitched fairly believably and just as he was able to cope with that your made paws with your hands and tried your best “nya”. For a moment you feared you may have broken him. He didn’t move his face blank, eyes fixed on you. You tried again hoping to spur some sort of reaction from him “nya?” you said turning to the side slightly to show off the other half of your surprise a white tail complete with pink bow and bell at the base where it attached to your skirt. You tilted your head to look up at him through your lashes trying every trick in your arsenal to look as cute as possible but nothing. He was completely frozen. “Jumin? Hello?” now you were getting worried “darling are you okay?” you asked placing the back of your hand on his forehead to feel for a temperature. The second your hand touched him however his face flushed.

“neko girl.” He muttered “that’s neko as in cat” you could see him trying to calm himself. Fiddling with his shirt sleeves and attempting to stay in control. You smiled standing on your tip toes to kiss his cheek and whisper in his ear.

“am I a good little kitten at least?”  you couldn’t contain your giggle as you heard him choke slightly before scooping you up bridal style.

“certainly not, in fact I think you’ve been a very bad little kitten.” He said his voice deeper than normal as he carried you back towards the bedroom.

[teamcalamity]

Okay, newbie. Let's move!

A new competitive season has started, Opus VIII is about to launch and Team Calamity has a blog... BOOYA!!

If you want to see more variety than a dialogue with Squall, topics that hit harder than Sephiroth into the back of a flower girl and tips more useful than Vaan's point in the story, then this is the blog for you.

In this first article we thought it might be best to introduce you to some of the team who will be regular staples on here. Hopefully this brief insight will help put some of their upcoming content into perspective.

First up is our resident judge - Mitch.

How did you first get into FFTCG?

It was a dark time in my life; I had just finished one of my favourite TV series for the 15th time and worst of all I had a piece of apple skin stuck between my teeth. There was no light at the end of the tunnel.

I received a call from the UK Champion (but not world) Peter Sherratt, he spoke to me like a true champion with grace and honour “you alright dickhead?” he told me that he had just gone to a new comic book shop, the infamous Calamity Comics. Peter knew I always had a creepy girlfriend affection for Final Fantasy and our recent card game was now just an OTK shit show. So we thought let’s give it a go.

Pulled Bahamut legend, fire seems strong; I bet this card will be good for a long time, 10000 damage AND removed. Peter got Foil Light Cloud. This card is also future proof, if there’s one thing I know about card games, is that removal is key and this has it in spades…

From that day I was hooked, scratching at my arms for the next fix of spoilers, tapping the vein, breathing FFTCG and dealing with my new addiction.

What style of play do you favour?

I like to win, but more importantly I like to be a smug prick and to do this, I love my combat tricks. Nothing lifts the table up on my side more than doing something your opponent cannot see coming. I also love removal and drawing cards so if someone could explain to me how to play earth that would be great. Thank you.

Biggest hype of Opus 8?

While all the cards aren’t out yet, I am especially excited for Lunafreya, the stuff that she can enable; it means your opponent will not want to kill off some of your best forwards. That said this will all change depending on the new Garnet, if there is one.

Peter - the 2018 UK Champion (not world)

How did you first get into FFTCG?

I played yu gi oh at the time and I saw FF being sold at Calamity Comics in Hatfield.

Eric the store owner said they were doing a tournament on Friday night's (an attempt to remove the magic the gathering crowd) .

I had played FF7 and I've never liked mtg so sounded like a win win for me. All that was left was to convince mitchell to go with me to hold my hand through it all.

Didn't take long to convince him and off we went to go purchase some cardboard crack. First pack I opened....foil Cloud L!! Wooo

First deck I played was fire ice. We didn't have a clue what we were doing but got it after a couple of goes.

Mitch went home that night to learn the rulings. It became an obsession of his for a while. He would wake up in the middle of the night about illegal plays the night before.

What was even better was we convinced our mates Joseph and Azlan to join also. Fucking great game. Needs more cleavage though.

What style of play do you favour?

I really like all 3 of the main tropes. They all have a special place in my heart because of the decks ive played with.

Mono wind has generally been a control deck. Midrange ice is tempo. Discard ice is quite aggressive.

I'm gunna vote for tempo. After a short amount of set up I do love using dull freeze or discard mechanics for those cheap easy wins. It's like eating 20 mcnuggets. You know it's bad but it feels so good.

Biggest hype for Opus 8?

Sherlotta, Fina, Alexander, Lasswell & Time Mage.

The one I will talk about is Time Mage though because I honestly think it's perfect for what ice needs right now.

Wind earth is an awful matchup where we can't choose Zidane, get fucked by big daddy etc etc. So we're investing 5cp for a huge tempo swing. Huge. I'm a big big fan. It's a multicard too so extra copies may be played.

Mono ice will return with a vengeance!!!

Rich - Team Calamity's synergy specialist.

How did you first get into FFTCG?

I have zero history of playing card games, so my interest in FFTCG was purely as someone who had played nearly every game released under the title, who just fancied trying it out. I bought the starter decks on release date to gauge if it was something that I was going to stick with, and pretty soon I was part of the Opus I stock disaster, hunting the shelves of every Toys'r'Us in driving distance trying to find packs (I'm not proud to admit that). Two and a half years, and many £'s later, here I am writing my first blog post after years of being a lurker on the fan page.

What style of play do you favour?

I have always run decks that I find genuinely fun to build, play and tweak. Sometimes that means I run stuff closer to the meta, and sometimes I run more obscure decks. The vast majority of decks that I run revolve around combo cards such as Yuri/Chelinka/Alhanalem or Seifer/Raijin/Fujin. Nothing turns me on more than the text "If you control card name "X"".

Biggest hype for Opus 8?

Just give me 3 Lasswell in foil. I love that the card has been made with a specific purpose in mind (Fire/Ice deck), and all 3 abilities feed into what those elements want to achieve. I'm not quite sure how best to make Lasswell work, but I'm sure someone much smarter than I am will find a way to make him a beast!

Tom - Blog editor, specialist subject the 'Tombo Combo'

How did you first get into FFTCG?

I got into the game by chance around Opus 4. I'd never played a TCG before but out browsing for a cheap PS4 game in the January sales I spotted Cloud and Squall booster packs in the bargain bin at a local game shop. A Final Fantasy card game, what even is that?! Went home, googled it, rushed back the next day, bought the lot and ordered all the starter sets. I still remember opening my first packs and getting so excited by how many shinys I was getting, like one in each pack, I must be so lucky! Next step a venture to Calamity as the only local place to play. I didn't win a game for about 2 months but was having the best time!

What style of play do you favour?

I like to do things differently so for me I'm all about the meme life and unashamedly so. I like to shy away from the meta (to my own detriment) as I get much more enjoyment from doing things myself and if someone tells me something is shit, it just makes me want to play it more. That said I still believe you can meme and be successful and hope to go someway to proving that this competitive season (here's to 0-X at every major tournament this year)

Biggest hype for Opus 8?

Not seen the full list yet but I'm buzzing for the new FF7 starter deck. I'll probably look to take the Earth parts into an Earth/Fire setup maybe utilising the new 15 characters if space. For me a big part of enjoying the game is using characters I actually know of and love so this should fit nicely. I've also got some ideas for a Fire/Water rush style deck and a new Opus launch wouldn't be complete without me trying to make FF8 work (where are you Cid Kramer!).

I hope this is the set where things really open up and we don't see the same few decklists dominating the circuit.

Team Calamity's OP runs every Friday from 7pm at Calamity Comics in Hatfield (North of London). You can also follow us on YouTube, Twitter and Facebook (teamcalamityfftcg) or contact us on email (teamcalamityfftcg@gmail.com). Alternatively just write anything on the FFTCG Fans Facebook page, Team Calamity's James Stevenson will no doubt comment on it.

[lethesomething]

A note on fictional jobs

There's a joke that all fanfic characters are either baristas, teachers, lawyers or some denizen of the tattoo/florist au set. This isn't really fully true (there's also witches and vampire hunters!) but for anyone going for a realistic setting, let me at least, as someone who has worked a number of jobs in media, software development and catering, give some pointers on how that stuff works, because dear lord does Hollywood get it wrong.

This post is 2k words, so under the cut it goes.

Journalism/Photography/Media

General tips

This sector seems to be pretty popular in old school comics, and for good reason. Clark Kent gets to go out into the city and be near events. It's a job women are historically allowed to do (and be sassy in) and even Peter Parker gets to just traipse around the city getting into adventures.

It must also be noted that all these characters were developed in the first half of the 20th century, and media has changed a lot since then.

If your character is a journalist, they will work long hours and not be paid *that* much. Carrie Bradshaw is the most unrealistic journalist character in the history of everything. Especially after, oh, 2010 or so, when the traditional press sales really started declining. No journalist is that well paid for that little. And none will have that much free time.

Journalists generally have a beat, and what they do and know heavily depends on that. Your character can get into the gritty streets of downtown chasing drug dealers, or they can go to theatre premieres. They won't do both. The Vast Majority of modern media have beats. A person can be a sports caster and then he will go to sports events to report them. They can be a jetset reporter or restaurant reviewer and go to swanky places. They can be a cultural reporter and be invited to premieres and shows. They can be a dedicated business journalist, reporting on IT, or cardboard logistics, or whatever, and go to conferences around the world. But they will rarely be all these things at once.

How wide this beat is, depends heavily on the 'range' of the medium. Big news rooms, like NYTimes, have a lot of journalists, and some very, Very specialised ones. This is deep dive, spend weeks trailing every leak out of the White House stuff. In contrast, a small regional tv station can have their reporter (with or without a camera man and sound tech) drive around the countryside reporting on pumpkin carving festivals one day, and grisly murder the next.

A lot also depends on the medium. If the character works for a newspaper, they will have a noon to eight shift as a writer, and a two to ten shift, most likely, as an editor, because papers need to get printed overnight. If it's a weekly or a monthly print mag, there will be a few days with relative freedom to do interviews and such, and then a few days of crunch time. If they work for a news website they will have a desk job and most likely work in shifts. TV and radio news people are the ones doing most of the running around to get quotes, but they are also on the tightest of schedules.

Speaking of schedules. Unless the character is a blogger, they won't finish an article and immediately rush it to the printer/publish it. Reputable news sources have, at the very least, a copy editor to check for mistakes and typos. Bigger newspapers and magazines and sites have a dedicated fact checker.

Very VERY few papers in the world have full time photographers on the payroll. If your character is a photographer, they will most likely be a freelancer and do corporate events or weddings on the side (sorry Peter Parker). What happens is, a medium will decide in advance which article or interview will require a picture, and book a photographer for that piece.

Any other pictures tend to come from news agencies. Think Reuters or Associated Press. These sort of agencies do use full time photographers, as well as freelancers who happen to visit an event. They'll take like two hundred picture and sell them to the agency, who distributes them to media all over the world.

Few media have the money for correspondents, so they'll pick only a handful. This means a foreign correspondent has a large area to cover. European news media tend to have one correspondent in the US, covering the Entire US, for instance. American media tend to have more moneys, but if your character is a respondent in, say India, expect them to trek along India a lot, because they're prob the only one in that vast country.

Having said that, coverage, especially war coverage, is super expensive. If they're sending a journo to a war zone, it will absolutely not be a rookie. They will have proven themselves capable, preferably speak the language and they'll be Very Prepared. Think local guides, vast networks of informants etc. A startling amount of war reporters and investigative journalists are also freelance. If they are trekking through a jungle and come across anything exciting, you bet they'll try to sell that story in several angles/versions to different media.

Have you considered:

Bread and Butter Freelancers: It's a gig economy my friends. Freelance writey people don't have a boss and usually work from home or from some coffee shop. If they are to be successful (enough to make a living), they'll still have a beat, and will actually have to be fairly good at this subject. Since these characters make their own shifts, they do have the ability to go out in the middle of the day to do superheroing or witchery or to investigate the disappearance of their best friend. Upsides: Freedom. Downsides: Usually very little money. Unstable hours, like one day nothing and then a week of 14 hour days. The crushing stress of looming deadlines ànd job insecurity.

Copywriters: The people that write the text on corporate websites, that fill mail order catalogues with entries for every picture, compose newsletters for various organisations, turn technical instructions into actually mildly readable user manuals. Upside: money. If they're good at it, they will have a fairly stable income. They have the same freedom as freelancers to go flirt with flower shop assistants. Downside: the crushing knowledge that with every piece you write, your soul sinks deeper into the void. Anyone who's ever read clientsfromhell will know what to expect of their clientele.

Lay-outers: The creative side of making media. The bros making the graphs, putting the text to paper,  photoshoping the head of Putin onto the body of a baby, whatever. Upside: artist character. This is a slightly more realistic character than the 'painter'. They're creative, but they have yet to sell their soul to the corporate machine (depending on the medium you put them in, of course). Downside: this is basically a desk job with stable hours.

Cameraman, sound technician: the people that hang out with the news reporter and trot all over the region with him/her. Upside: see the world! Without being instantly recognizable. Downside: they're probably stuck in their mission and they rarely have the power to go 'hey, let's investigate over there'.

 Software development

General tips

There's actually a few different environments for software engineers to work.

Start-ups: the hip one. Think Silicon Valley, the upstarts in sneakers and Star Wars t-shirts living on pizza and red bull and basically coding 20 hours a day. Depending on where they are in the growth of their start-up, these people will be nearly alone, or have a team of coworkers. Traditionally, start-ups start with like a founder (or four) and an idea, and some coding. As the company grows they'll hire a sales person to sell this stuff, a marketing manager to brand it, a support person to troubleshoot it, an HR person, etc.

A very Very VERY large part of start-up business is pitching, aka selling your premise to a bunch of venture capitalists and investors. It's Dragon's Den. Literally. Your super shy, autism spectrum character who hates public speaking and who can't even look at another person without blushing would make a super crappy start-up founder by themselves. They will definitely need their bubbly, motivational speaker best friend. On the other hand: this is an amazing environment for that suave, smooth talking character who could sell sand in the desert.

Second environment: corporate. The vast majority of software engineers out there just work for some big company. These are the people building and deploying management system software for banks, installing security in factories, that sort of thing. A lot of the time they're consultants. They wear a suit. They use something called the Waterfall method, which sucks out your soul, or the Agile method, which also sucks out your soul. There's a lot of managing and meeting and progress reports. If they're good enough, they're allowed to leave the tie at home.

Software needs to be tested. You don't just write the code last minute and put it live.

The coders are absolutely not the only people in a software development team. There's the project managers, the designers, the copywriters, the testers, the lawyers, oh god, the lawyers, etc.

Software Needs to be tested. It takes ages. I cannot stress this enough. It usually happens in India or some other Asian country where the wages are lower.

Will a lot of environments, even corporate, allow their creatives to come to work in like… jeans and a t-shirt, the only people realistically allowed to actually act like teenagers, in any environment (corporate, start-up, small business), are the ones with skills that are very hard to find. In essence: security experts and specifically white hat hackers. Yes, you're allowed to have a hacker character that acts dumb and comes to work in his pyjamas and it will be realistic that he does not get fired. Your clerk character that's super rude and deals in hurtful quips? Not so much.

SOFTWARE NEEDS TO BE TESTED

 Have you considered:

Researchers: you know those people that made a song that can give Alexa commands without the owner knowing? Those are university researchers. A lot of really cool stuff is being developed not by office workers, but at universities. This includes software. Upside: probably a looser environment, with a lot of young people. Downside: you're basically writing a college AU.

Venture capitalists: in a Silicon Valley environment, this is basically the 'wealthy businessman' stereotype of old. The dragons in the dragon's den, the people that traipse around the city talking to people and assessing the potential of their pitch, before throwing money at them (or not). There's a bunch of paperwork, but they probably have a small army of accountants to handle this.

Evangelists: the cool people that hold TED talks. They usually work for a big tech company, as a specialist, and part of their job is to be a spokesperson.  A good example of this is the tech researcher, who has a day job finding nasty hackers or viruses, and who also blogs about that and holds talks and presentations about securing your business. A character like this has the advantage of being a deep tech nerd hacker type. They're rarely the CEO, so they can go deep into the coding, while also travelling places and meeting crowds of press or business people.

Project managers: these don't tend to do the actual coding, but they do, well, the managing. Characters like this will be more social and creative, they're the ones making the reports and presenting their progress to the CEO, and they're the ones troubleshooting when stuff goes wrong. In general, there's a lot of planning involved.

 Bakeries/Catering

General tips

Mass production of food is gruelling. You think you're writing about your sexy pastry chef and how they're carefully, tip of their tongue peeking through their lips, putting a cherry on top of that little moeilleux, but in reality, there's two hundred more to finish on this rack alone and they need to be done in under an hour.

Say it with me, people: baking is a night job. Industrial baking, mom-and-pop rural French bakery, bagel shop, donuts. Someone is going to be making all that stuff before the first customer arrives and that someone is slaving in front of a hot oven at four in the morning.

Any type of catering is a time management business. You know this. You've all watched Great British Bake-off (or, like, Chopped or whatever). If your professional cake maker is only working on one project/wedding at a time, they're not going to be in business for long. Your line chef will be plating up several dishes per minute. Your short order cook is baking six pancakes and scrambling eggs at the exact same time.

Unless it's a very large kitchen, the people that cook are the same ones that clean. And since it's food prep, there is a lot of cleaning.

Have you considered:

Recipe writer: ok so we're kinda back to media but big tv chefs don't make all those recipes themselves. Someone, usually a freelancer, writes them and tests them. Imagine someone getting the request to develop a seasonal cronut recipe that involves peaches and charcoal, because it's hip, and then baking several batches until they find something edible. This is a somewhat realistic environment for your super creative baker to live in a small house and make some money while also working on a book on the side, and falling in love with the quirky … goat… herd… brewer, florist, whatever.

[justmeinbigd]

40+ Places to Shop Local (Online) for Christmas Gifts on Small Business Saturday and Beyond

All photos by me - Kristina Rowe (and most are pre-pandemic. Apparently I’m not much of a shopper.)

I hope your Thanksgiving was great and I hope you’ve been able to support some small businesses today. Here’s a list I originally posted on Reddit of some Dallas small businesses where you can shop for Christmas gifts or for yourself. 

Online shopping options are linked or described here to give you the safest possible shopping experience. 

I’ll be sharing some more holiday shopping lists featuring local Dallas businesses soon. (Some of us aren’t into Black Friday shopping, even in non-COVID-19 years.) 

Happy Shopping, you’ll feel great when you shop local! 

Toys

Froggie's 5 &10 - Note: Not much can be purchased online. This store will be moving in 2021 so they are offering discounts on pretty much everything in the store.

Toy Maven - Toys, games, novelties, and lots more.

Toys Unique - Games, puzzles, arts & crafts and lots more.

Twig & Olive - Boxed sets that encourage creative play with no batteries, buttons or screens.

Gaming

Common Ground Games - With board games, trading card games, miniatures and paints, it will also someday once again be a great place to meet others and play games. Their week-long small business Saturday sale runs through Sunday, Dec 6.

Madness Games and Comics (Plano) -  A pop culture mega store with new comics, graphic novels, actions figures, board games, RPGs, and more.

Richardson Bike Mart near White Rock Lake at sunset.

Bikes

Red Star Bicycle Shop - Family-owned bicycle services, repairs, sales, and rentals.

Richardson Bike Mart - Founded in 1962, this local shop has grown into a small chain with stores in Richardson, Frisco, Dallas and McKinney. Their website has multiple holiday gift guides and online shopping.

Oak Cliff Bike Synergy - New and used (some vintage) bicycles.

Preston Hollow Bicycles - Local bike store selling a variety of bikes, accessories, utility items, apparel and more.

Sports/Outdoors

A J Vagabonds - Outdoor & Sporting Goods store in Bishop arts with a motto of “Go Outside Y’all.” They have fun stuff and great gift ideas on their Facebook page, but it looks like most of it cannot be purchased online.

Buddy’s Sporting Goods - In business 40+ years, focus on team sports equipment and apparel.

Dynamic Discs - This company wasn’t “born in Dallas” and isn’t headquartered here, but it’s family-owned and has a small footprint with a strong presence in Carrollton and Lewisville. If you’re into disc sports, you’ll want to shop here.

Not Just Soccer (Dallas & Fort Worth) - locally owned and operated business specializing in everything youth sports.

Play it Again Sports (Plano) - Locally owned, new and used sporting goods and gear.

Ray’s Sporting Goods - The iconic Dallas guns and more store on Singleton.

Plants

North Haven Gardens - Sustained a hard hit from the tornado, got up and dusted itself off and got back into business. Truly deserving of your support!

Ruibal’s Plants - Locally owned and managed with four (beautiful!) locations in Dallas. 

Books

Deep Vellum - A nonprofit publishing house and literary arts organization. Order books they’ve published through DeepVellum.org or request any book you want and they will order it for you through DeepVellum.com.

Half Price Books - OK, they’re a huge chain but they belong to Dallas.

Interabang - Another tornado recovery story, their online shopping system is quite robust.

Lucky Dog Books - Used book stores in Mesquite, Oak Cliff, and East Dallas. No online shopping site, but you can call or email requests to see if they have something you want in stock and they will ship it to you.

The Wild Detectives - To provide an online shopping experience, they’ve leveraged Bookshop.org, which offers a large selection, great service, and supports local bookstores with the proceeds of sales.

Pretty bonbons from Chocolate Secrets.

Chocolates

Cocoa Andre - This Mexican-American family-owned chocolate shop has Mexican chocolates, themed chocolate molds, vegan chocolate, bean to bar chocolates made in house and much more.

Chocolate Secrets - Hand-painted bonbons and truffles are the thing here. They also have a great selection of different chocolate Santas, Christmas trees and other fun holiday-themed chocolates.

Dude, Sweet Chocolate - Chef Katherine Clapner likes peculiar things and unique flavor combos and it shows (in a good way) in the delicious chocolates and treats she makes.

Kate Weiser Chocolate - Oprah made Kate Weiser’s “Carl the Snowman” famous. Handmade and beautifully painted candy bars are special here anytime and the holiday version is no exception.

Pre-pandemic in the gift shop at Nasher Sculpture Center.

Gift Shops/Flower Shops/Stationery

Abundantly Aromatic -  Soaps, body scrubs, Shea Butter lotions, and more all  handmade locally with all-natural ingredients.

Bettie Lou’s - Sister store to Froggie’s Five and Dime, they offer gift baskets online.

Dallas Museum of Art Gift Shop - Posters and postcards along with more practical items like umbrellas and tote bags to fill your life with art.

Lone Chimney Mercantile - Dallas-themed art, kitchen linens with salty sayings, fun accessories and gifts. Order gifts from their online store or choose art prints and canvases from the owner/photographer’s Etsy shop. 

Nasher Sculpture Center Gift Shop - There’s lots here from home goods to jewelry and accessories ranging from affordable to extravagant. 

The T Shop - East Dallas florist with a lovely gift selection.

White Rock Soap Gallery - Soaps, candles, bath and body products and more from more than 50 Texas makers.

Pets

Scotty’s Bowties - Pet bowties, bandanas and more.

Uptown Pet Wear - Doggie wear, leashes, harnesses and more.

Etsy Spring Bash 2018. Love, love, love these gals!!

Apparel and Accessories

Bullzerk - Undoubtedly the coolest store in Dallas, offering entertaining, Dallas-themed stuff. Shop online and consider checking out the Charity Shirts category to also support the Dallas Zoo and other charities.

Favor the Kind - Apparel, accessories, and gifts. Cyber sale thorough Monday.

Lucky Franklin - T-shirts, sweatshirts and more for dog and cat moms, plant lovers and other wonderful people.

Mosaic Makers - Multiple local makers under one roof (and in one online shop!)

Odin’s Leather Goods - Leather bags, belts, and bracelets are just a few of the offerings at this store that went from making products at their dining room table and selling them on Etsy to a  workshop space in Coppell.

Neighborhoods

Bishop Arts District - This website has links to many of the retailers in the Bishop Arts District. Use the links there to check out which ones offer online shopping.

Deep Ellum - Here’s where to shop in Deep Ellum.  Be sure to “Load More” at the bottom of the page to see them all.Use the links there to visit individual shops for online shopping links.

I bought one of these handmade totes from Lucky Franklin and then I won another one (full of locally made goodies) in a Boho Market giveaway a year or so later.

More suggestions:

Buy merchandise (T-shirts, hats, etc.) online from restaurants, bars, small music venues, coffee shops, breweries, distilleries and more. Just visit the full website of your favorite places and look for a link to “shop.” Or if you’re in a position where you can do so, look for a donation or GoFundMe link on their site and help out some of the hardest-hit places. They could use your support. 

Hardware stores under the True Value and Ace brands are usually locally owned and operated. My favorite is Rooster Home and Hardware because George the Rooster lives there. Online shopping is through TrueValue.com. I’m told Stones Ace Hardware in East Dallas has free beer while you shop.

Shop local from dozens of area makers at Etsy Dallas. Use the links on the page to go to the Etsy stores that interest you.

The State Fair of Texas has a holiday shopping site where you can buy State Fair souvenir gifts and shop from State Fair vendors and GoTexan merchants.

Also, here’s a large list of local businesses offering gift cards, compiled by the Dallas Morning News in cooperation with USA Today.

Next week my list of great gifts of wine and spirits from local producers and shops is coming to the Dallas Observer Food and Drink section. Stay tuned!!

[iesorno]

Anxious Comics – issue 3 page 4

I first saw Daniel Bristow-Bailey’s work when he offered up free copies of his prose zine Dog. I ordered it on the strength of the cover, Dog handwritten above a very detailed drawing of a frog. It made me laugh, there was something oddly significant in that juxtaposition, couldn’t tell you why, but there was. Shortly after that he started his Anxious Comics series, which is a fast paced, underground influenced mash series that has a lot of nonsense and yet some very powerful moments. It’s daft, but also on point and so, exactly what I enjoy.

He’s an eclectic creator and has a set of skills that make his work pop.

  You can find him here

shop

Use the discount code ZINELOVE10 for a 10% discount on anything you buy. Valid until the end of 2020.

instagram                      twitter                      facebook

  Screaming page 2

Can you tell us a bit about the first creator whose work you recognised?

It would have been someone from 2000AD. I remember being very excited by Kevin O’Neill’s run on Nemesis and Simon Bisley’s painted artwork for Sláine. If I look at Bisley’s stuff now I find it hard to get past the grotesque anatomy, but as with people like Todd MacFarlane in the US he pushed past his technical limitations with a raw energy that appealed to adolescent boys. I don’t mean that as snootily as it sounds! Adolescent boys can be fierce critics.

Kev O’Neill – Nemesis the Warlock

Simon Bisley – Slaine

  Which creators do you remember first copying?

My mum, who should get most of the credit for teaching me to draw, always strongly discouraged me from copying directly, but I came pretty close to it with Moebius! He always makes it look so (deceptively) easy that it’s hard not to have a go oneself.

Moebius – Edena

Who was the creator that you first thought ‘I’m going to be as good as you!’?

That’s an interesting question. Probably Gilbert Shelton. I started reading the Freak Brothers when I was far too young (got to thank my mum again for that) and that “underground” style with lots of fine linework and cross-hatching seemed to be achievable with the materials I had at home. I think the Shelton influence still shows in my black-and-white stuff.

Gilbert Shelton – Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers

Which creator or creators do you currently find most inspiring?

In terms of comics, I’ve recently discovered Al Columbia. I can’t remember the last time I found an artist who really disturbed me like his stuff does. Even the more restrained stuff has an evil, haunted quality. The book I’ve got (Pim and Francie, Fantagraphics, 2009) feels like a cursed object, like the Necronomicon in Lovecraft’s stories, or the video cassette in the Ring. It’s a great example of text, illustration and book design all working together.

Al Columbia – Pim and Francie

Nabokov – Pale fire – Gingko Press edition

I’ve been reading a lot of Nabokov. He’s one of those writers I keep coming back to. Sometimes I like to think about how you could do a graphic novel of “Pale Fire”. The first half of the book is a very long poem, written by one fictitious character, and the second half is a collection of footnotes to the poem, written by a second fictitious character, who has stolen the manuscript and is preparing an unauthorised edition of the poem. As the notes digress further and further from the text of the poem, another narrative emerges, that may or may not be “true”, so it would probably be impossible to do a graphic novel adaptation, but thinking about how one might do impossible things is often creatively rewarding.

  Which creators do you most often think about?

David Lynch – Twin Peaks

Aside from the people I’ve mentioned already, I think a lot about David Lynch. I’ve always liked his stuff but Twin Peaks: The Return (2017) absolutely blew me away. There were points I was watching that when I thought “I didn’t know you could do that with television”. I think whenever a work expands your ideas about what’s possible within a particular medium you know you’re in the presence of real Art with a capital A. I love the sense of mystery in Lynch’s stuff, which I think comes from his letting the subconscious take the lead in the creative process – he talks a lot about using ideas or imagery from dreams, or meditation. It’s a process I’ve consciously been emulating with “Anxious Comics”.

Anxious Comics – issue 3 page 4

Can you name the first three creative peers that come into your head and tell a little bit about why?

      Gareth Hopkins, because I’ve just finished doing a page for his “no new ideas” project. It was great fun getting to paint over a copy of one of his pages. Gareth posts a lot of his process online and I’ve found it inspiring how he reworks and recycles stuff. His work has definitely encouraged me to veer more towards abstraction, and not to be afraid, in comics, of decoupling the text from the image – I think he was a big influence on my one-shot “the Screaming”.

Gareth Brookes. I’ve not talked to Gareth much about process but he seems drawn to ridiculously labour-intensive media, like embroidery or linocuts. As if making comics wasn’t hard enough already! But as I said before, there’s nothing like setting yourself an impossible challenge to get the creative juices flowing. Also, when I look at the spread of stuff he’s got for sale at conventions – a mix of self-published zines and two or three big hardback books published more traditionally, I think it’s where I’d like to be myself in a few years’ time, so I guess he’s kind of a role model for me right now.

  Hannah Lee Miller

Hannah Lee Miller is producing some lovely stuff. I picked up a copy of her zine about condiments at Catford Zine Fair and it’s one of those things that initially seems rather slight and inconsequential but is actually really, really good, it just doesn’t shout about it. Also, Hannah is, in my limited experience, infallibly enthusiastic about other comic / zine people and always ready to help out or lend support where it’s needed. An asset to the scene.

  Finally, can you tell us a bit about your recent work and yourself?

For a long time I tried to be self-disciplined and only work on one thing at once, but recently I’ve come to accept that I’m happier when I have several projects, preferably in different media, on the go at once.

The last thing I self-published was “The Screaming”, an experimental one-shot comic about dreams and mental health. I wrote about it in some detail for Broken Frontier.

Screaming page 8

I’ve got five pages in the upcoming anthology by Obsolete Comics. I’m really excited about this one as it looks like it’s going to be great, and hopefully represents the start of another small comics press. We can never have enough small comics presses.

I’ve also got Anxious Comics, my ongoing series – four issues out to date and the fifth long overdue! My long-term plan with that, if you can call it that, is to keep it going between other projects for as long as it needs to, or until I get bored. At some point it would be nice to do a collected edition.

I’m currently drawing a comic written by Steve Thompson, which he’ll be pitching to publishers soon I think. I like drawing other people’s scripts because it forces me to draw stuff I otherwise wouldn’t think of.

Looking to the longer term, I’m working on a script for a longer-form comic. It’s kind of a superhero thing. But not quite. I’ve got this character who’s kind of my own take on the super-violent costumed vigilantes like the Punisher and Deadpool that were popular when I was a kid, but transplanted to the “real world” of early-noughties London.  It’s pretty bleak. I think it’s funny myself but as with some other stuff I’ve self-published in the past it will probably cause people to express concern for my mental health.

Gareth – Hunt Begins – work in progess

Bio: Daniel Bristow-Bailey was born in London in 1978. Growing up during the “dark age” of mainstream comics, he quickly became attracted to the alternative / indie scene and, encouraged by his mum and the bloke in the local comic shop, started drawing his own from an early age. Like many others, he drifted away from comics in his late teens, put off by their uncool image and lack of seriousness compared to grown-up art and literature, but came back to them in recent years as he realised that no-one was going to think he was cool or take him seriously anyway. As well as making his own comics, he draws other people’s scripts and sometimes writes prose fiction. He has a day job working as a mental health person in schools. He lives in Richmond with his wife and two children.

Thank you very much for taking the time to fill this out and let us into your mind.

Gerald – work in progress

all art copyright and trademark it’s respective owners.

content copyright iestyn pettigrew 2020

    Small (press) oaks – Daniel Bristow-Bailey @bristowbailey details who influenced him (tl:dr mostly his mum!) in our latest look creator's influences #smalloaks #comics #zines #inetrviews #zinelove I first saw Daniel Bristow-Bailey's work when he offered up free copies of his prose zine Dog.

[woohooligancomics]

Free Stuff!

You like free stuff, right? Of course you do, and I'll give you some in a minute after we chat. You like free comic book day and free donuts and coffee while you wait for an oil-change. You like free samples at Costco, or a free ebook full of useful life-hacks like, "wake yourself up in the morning by soaking your contact lenses in coffee." If it's hot enough, the coffee will melt the contacts to your eyes, and that's a lot cheaper than Lasik surgery!

How about a free punch in the face? No? Boxers pay piles of money for that. They buy gloves, gym memberships, trainers, agents, steroids, and towels exclusively for sweat. They've paid a small fortune by the time they get a really good punch from a guy like Mike Tyson or Rocky Balboa. (Additional life hack: save on ear piercings by fighting Mike Tyson.) If they pay so much to get punched, why are you upset when someone punches you for free?

Still no? Because you don't like free stuff; you like certain things, and it's a nice bonus when they're free. Free beer is only nice if you like beer. You might think I need the Large Hadron Collider to split a hair that thin, but your relationship to "free stuff" changes when you start a business. If you want to meet your high-school biology teacher's standard of living (eating and breathing), you need marketing. That includes you, freelance artists, welcome to the glitz and glamour of owning a business and buying your own ramen noodles.

Marketing sucks. I'm just as annoyed as you when "social media marketing experts" follow me on Twitter with their inspirational quotes and their slick YouTube presentations, reminding you to be authentically authentic. "Thanks, I know it takes more muscles to frown than smile, but I'm not a lazy bastard!" Marketing makes me feel like Elizabeth Bathory, bathing in the blood of virgins. I don't want to be associated with creeps like the guy at the used car lot who only has a mustache so he can offer you a ride. "Ladies? Wink, wink!"

Even the jargon of marketing is dehumanizing and gross: target audience, market segment, and the holy grail, double-income no kids (DINK). Key performance indicators (KPI) help you analyze the ratio of Cost to Acquire Customers (CAC) and Customer Lifetime Value (CLTV) and reduce "churn" (customers leaving because they're sick of you talking about them like a fucking toaster).

It's unavoidable though, because you are that sleazy sales guy at the car lot... sort of. I'll assume you've had at least one job in your life. Did you feel dirty after selling yourself in the interview? Sure you embellished, because who doesn't want to hire a certified coffee grader? And how would they know? You can tell the difference between quality coffee and Starbucks. The gourmet coffee is named like a Senate bill, like HR61, not to be confused with the Securing the Assistance of Victims of Exploitation (SAVE) act; fitting in a discussion about coffee. Regardless, you sold yourself and your boss purchased your service. I assume you didn't resort to any awful sales tactics, like telling the interviewer, "and if you hire in the next thirty minutes, I'll throw in a free mustache ride!" Like it or not, sales is a necessity of modern life, like traffic, spam folders, or wondering how your uncle is still so racist in 2017. "No, uncle Steve, Jews did not invent jazz dancing, and stop offering my friends mustache rides."

But marketing isn't sales. Oh, look, the Large Hadron Collider! Bear with me. We don't watch Star Trek because it has robots and lasers. We watch because it tells us a story about who we are and the better selves we aspire to be. But we also wouldn't watch Star Trek if it didn't have any robots or lasers. Now that I'm a glitzy, ramen-eating business owner, sales is like that. I don't make comedy to sell books; I sell books, so I can make you laugh. It's an important distinction because I get caught up in my survival needs and forget they aren't in the driver's seat. You're the boss here, and I'm interviewing with you for the job of comedian. It's fair for you to decide I'm not right for you and I have to look elsewhere. But if we click, I hope you'll consider being my boss and also my friend.

You'll see on my resume that I quit a twenty-year software engineering career in late 2015. Most employers think I'm "overqualified", but I'm hoping you'll look past that. If my goal were to eat or to buy toys like Fitbits and vacuum shoes, then leaving tech was suicide. "Alexa, ruin my career." For me, comedy isn't about the money. I enjoyed software, but that didn't matter once I realized I was just asking my boss, "you want fries with that?" Maybe I was more skilled than the next man-shaped-cog, but when I left nobody stopped selling their cars, high-rise condos, or Bluetooth hairbrushes (fad hair day). The world didn't notice me leave any more than you notice turnover at your local Arby's. I left to make the things that burn in my soul, that keep me up at night, and that wouldn't exist if I didn't make them.

Seth Godin is right that artists need to create a purple cow (something that wouldn't exist without us). You'll never beat the industrial machine at their game. There's always a Mr Burns with a giant, faceless corporation that exploits third-world toddlers because their tiny hands and boundless energy will sew those shirts faster and cheaper (just like Santa's elves). WalMart runs real sweat shops right here in America.

After family and friends, your work should be the most meaningful thing in your life, but meaningful work has to sustain you and the purple cow won't keep you in ramen on its own. You have to market it. I've seen lots of purple cows that languish in obscurity. My friend Chris makes a webcomic called Puck, but he's said on numerous occasions that you can't earn a living with one. I think I can prove him wrong, and I think Brad Guigar, Russell Nohelty, and Tyler James already have. They earn their living making books and comics and helping others do the same (including me). Not to mention the many other creators I see earning decent livings with just the support of patrons.

So to maintain my family's ramen supply, I need to learn marketing, and then shower to get the stink off. Every time I see a blog from someone who's obviously successful, they're using tactics that make my skin crawl! "Here watch my twenty-minute prerecorded marketing tutorial and when it's over buy a subscription to my exclusive marketing club that's ONLY three-hundred dollars! But only for the next TWENTY MINUTES! HURRY! CLOCK'S TICKING, ASSHOLE! GIVE ME YOUR $300! NOW!! NOW!!!! NOW!!!!!! After twenty minutes, it goes back up to $400!" I want you to know before I say this, that I am incredibly grateful for Tyler James, who's given me a ton of great information about reaching my goals FOR FREE. Having said that, Tyler James is a dillhole. I love him and I'm super-grateful for everything that dillhole's done.

== Frustrated Rant Mode Engaged ==

Tyler: I realize somebody ponied up a bazillion dollars for your Harvard Masters, but my wife and I are below poverty (a family of 5 on $24k/yr) for the last two years now while I work this shit out. We literally paid every penny we had in the world to buy our house, and that was less than a quarter of that paper for your wall. It has nothing to do with me not wanting to support you that I can't whip-out $300 in twenty minutes. You've helped me, I think you deserve recognition, respect, gratitude and even testimonials and help from me. But even one-hundred dollars might mean not having power or Internet this month, and it'd be nice if you didn't rub it in my fucking face.

I feel guilty buying a sandwich at Arby's because the money could go toward advertising, despite knowing most of it has to be spent on food (I know Arby's isn't technically food). The silver lining is that we own our house, but after four years and two repair jobs, we still have a small leak in our basement. I personally dug a pit on the side of the house for weeks to save some money on it. (It's a real no-money pit.) And that's not even mentioning walking twenty-miles uphill both ways in the snow. Christmas is in a few days and I anguished this year over buying each of my kids ten dollars worth of used comics at Half Price Books. (They're still my kids at 16 to 22.) At least Tiny Tim hasn't lost his spirit!

So no, twenty minutes for a 25% discount on a $400 membership isn't "a great deal!" It's a slap in the face. And most of us who are trying to earn our living with comics (your "target market") are in my situation, not yours. If you'd offered me a payment plan, like I could layaway it for $50/mo, I likely would have bought it without the high-pressure tactics and told my Patrons I was spending their pledges on that instead of advertising for 6-8 months.

== Frustrated Rant Mode Terminated ==

EDIT: I want everyone to know Tyler James is a super stand-up guy! I had a brief discussion with him recently, he read this blog, and was super-chill about the roast and being called a dillhole for comedic effect. He also informed me of a related note, and I want you to know I had no influence on this, this was his plan before we talked. Tyler said:

"It's funny though... this year I am switching my courses payment structure to a monthly membership model in order to open all of my premium programs up to creators at all income levels. Price should not be a reason not to join."

He also informed me rather matter-of-factly, that I didn't have all the facts regarding his Harvard Degree. He got a special scholarship to attend Harvard in recognition of two years teaching in one of the country's most underfunded school districts. Thanks for filling me in on that, Tyler, I appreciate it!

So if you haven't met Tyler, I definitely recommend you do.

I'll be transparent here and share how my budget works, so you understand why I stay in the sleazy motel room that is marketing, (it smells of smoke and piss and god knows what happened to the toilet, but you're stuck there because of a mustache-riding convention in town). Webcomics used to support themselves with ads like network TV. That ended in 2013 when marketing peeps said "WE WANT MOAR POPUPS!" and the Internet responded with a Grumpy Cat meme in the form of a massive spike in ad-blocking technology. Woohooligan has one ad, which nets me about $1.50 per month, (twelve minutes at minimum wage). I'd earn more in an hour busking in the street like Amanda Palmer, doing stand-up comedy for tips. (See my one man show on the corner of 5th and Main titled, "No Really, I'm a Homeowner!") Most webcomics moved to Patreon for the bulk of their support, which is really online busking. Remember, before this I billed $80/hr, so I'm not doing this for money.

Why busk? Why not sell books? I currently have one print book and three ebooks in the Woohooligan store, and comic ebooks only really sell for a dollar. I love the sixty-five cents I see from that dollar after credit-card fees. You can read every page of my site and see a boat-load of ads, and the ad network (Google, etc.) pays me maybe a penny. So if you pledge just one dollar to my Patreon each month, the $0.65 I see increases your support of my work by more than a hundred-fold what I earn from ads. If we still want ramen, I need about $2,000 each month to replace my current disability income. So with a net $0.65 from each book, I need to sell 3,076 books per month, 103 per day, or one every fifteen minutes. I don't expect that, so those dollar ebooks alone will likely never support us. I've got to find other ways to supplement our income either with patron support, or by selling more expensive items like print books.

Yes, I left $80/hr to have a current monthly take-home (~$65) that's about what I'd earn in a single day at minimum wage. I didn't leave for money. You'd think I could work tech part-time, but no. My disability is thanks to an autism diagnosis in 2007. Because of that, work that I enjoy overtakes me like a Jeckyl and Hyde situation. Doctors call this blurse hyperfocus. I really never stopped working except for meals and sleep. That's not quite true, most days I didn't eat. People standing in the same room often call my name four to six times before rousing me from the fugue state that is me working. I lurch out of it like a trauma victim with a thousand-yard stare, groggy and irritated, unable to answer simple questions like "did you take your insulin?" Go away! Distraction bad! So I can't program part-time to supplement my income. The career I chose has to work, so I have to make marketing part of my comedy... I just threw up in my mouth a little.

I read all the marketing books and blogs I can. Most of the "information" in them is brain-dead stupid, useless to you personally, or both. You search Google and you find "10 Ways to Drive Traffic to Your Website." Great! Just what I need. The article begins, "Step 1: Make good content." Mind = blown! Why? You don't! Before this Einstein, I just had photos of used napkins. Hell, Twitter was nothing but lunch photos the first year. Thirty million tweets so I know you're not racked with guilt like me when you have an Arby's quarter-ton Beefenator. I can't wait to see step 2, "tell people", and step 3, "don't accidentally delete your website."

Getting back to free stuff, it's a truism in modern culture that if you're starting a business, you have to give people something they want for free. Professionals give people free consultations. Facebook and Twitter give us free accounts to share fake news and real cat videos with our friends. PornHub gives us free porn, but did you know they also give us free sex ed and free snow plowing in Boston? (Or they didn't, but it made you laugh, if only because "plow" is a double-entendre.)

I like giving people free things - free comics, free advice, free promotion. I certainly benefit from free things like Tyler James' ComixLaunch podcast or Russell Nohelty's Business of Art and Facebook group. (Russell just launched a new site, The Complete Creative.) They were more helpful than things I paid for. I bought a four-star marketing book on Amazon, it should be good, right? I'll save you twenty bucks; have a mailing list. Nothing else in 288 pages is what experts call "actionable", just shit you can read on any marketing blog like, "don't piss people off because Twitter." What would have been helpful is how to get signups on a mailing list, but that's like Baptist churches who asked PornHub to plow their back lot. The bar for marketing advice is so low, if your grandfather started a marketing blog tomorrow, he'd be Arby's VP of marketing in a week, and his number one tip for online success would be, "get off my lawn!" (There's no wi-fi there.) If you are a creative person and you'd like a book with some useful advice, here's my review of Russell Nohelty's Sell Your Soul.

But all these things we get for free aren't actually free, someone pays for all of them. Facebook and Twitter are funded by advertising. We don't consume their product, we ARE the product (and their execs talk about us like toasters). But that's not the only cost. On broadcast TV, Arby's hoped fans of Mister Ed liked sandwiches. Now that we have Internet, we know about the horse meat, and Arby's knows loads of creepy things about us, like whether we use coupons or carry a balance on our credit cards. Arby's pays more for Beefenator ads on Facebook because we're selling them our privacy. And as Adam Conover points out, you can opt out of Facebook, but good luck avoiding Google.

Shit like this is good reason to hate marketers because it's intrusive, impersonal, and manipulative. It's the reason I personally hate having to learn marketing. It's like an episode of the Twilight Zone where Disney World lets you into the park for free, but requires their guy Steve follow you throughout the park, scribbling notes and recommending giftshop items, Arby's Beefenator, and the Mustache ride. So yay, free Disney! Until you come back from the bathroom and Steve tells your mom the gift-shop has Pepto-Bismol. Thanks, Steve, it's nice to know you've got my back.

Since I don't have a choice but learn this stuff, I try to be decent about it. I choose to think of you as friends instead of a "target audience". I'm a real person on Facebook and Twitter (no bots, autoresponders or apps congratulating people for being my "top engaged followers"). I like chatting with you, without obsessing over your "engagement". (The word engagement should be reserved for situations involving a ring or enemy combatants.) I don't expect you to be in a fugue state waiting for my next tweet; fugue states are my job. I give mailing list subscribers a free copy of my first ebook, (signup below), though I'm not good about telling people that because I'm annoyed by promises of "must have tips for success" only after their mailing list signup. And I treat everyone the same, without stopping to ask, "is this person an influencer?"

I recently started introducing myself to people on social media. When someone sends me a friend request on Facebook or follows me on Twitter, I send them a brief message like this:

Hi Steve!

Thanks for the follow and for recommending the Mustache ride.

Let me know if I can help with any of your projects.

You may enjoy my new comedy manifesto, Laughter Is a Moral Imperative http://woohooligancomics.tumblr.com/manifesto

It's copied and pasted, but it's not an autoresponder. I tell webcomic creators that I also review webcomics. After I published the manifesto last month, I rifled my recent direct messages and shared it with as many people as I could. It's the pushiest thing I've done, but again, that article is totally free, it doesn't even link directly to anything I sell. I just think it can improve people's lives.

I've always enjoyed helping people. A drawing class at summer camp, unpaid articles for software journals, problem solving on mailing lists, being an Adobe Community Expert, sharing resources for managing depression. And I mentioned I also review webcomics, and write other articles to help creators, like Six Tips to Kickstarter Success, Six Ways to Earn More Commissions, and Six Reasons I Didn't Spell These Titles With Numerals. These are all free, just to help you out.

On a more philosophical note, we say the best things in life are free, but we often take the most important for granted, like privacy (see Facebook) and freedom of speech. Critics of the government in China and Russia are often jailed, beaten, or killed. If you're reading this in China or Russia, first let me congratulate you for getting past the censors (they never like my dick jokes). Second I will always fight for freedom of OMG look out behind you!

When I published a Je Suis Charlie cartoon in 2015, I was shocked how many people seemed confused about the importance of freedom of speech, as I mentioned online and in my first book. How often do you hear about the Freedom of Information Act, that helps protect our freedom of speech and uncovers a lot of great stuff like the FBI's hilariously out-of-touch Twitter slang dictionary?

Free hugs are... not always cool now that I think about it. Not from Steve the mustache guy. It reminds me that my dislike of ShamWow commercials can't be compared to old-world gatekeepers like Weinstein that you had to suck-up to because they controlled the purse-strings. Sorry to get serious on you, it's just an important subject that's on my mind, and I'll talk more about it with the next few pages of my Hellbent story. And speaking of freedom, I think the marketplace of ideas and crowdsourcing services like Kickstarter and Patreon are helping create a more open world with fewer of those sleazy gatekeepers, so it's good to see net neutrality is a freedom we rally around.

Finally there's time. There's no such thing as "free time", which implies what? "Lets hang out! Can't, I've got prison nine-to-five." You sholdn't think of your work that way. Self care is important, and the better part of self-care is creating a life you're not desperate to escape from, into a bubble-bath and a bottle of Chardonnay (or in our circles, Netflix, Jack Daniels, and a gallon of Häagen-Dazs Rocky Road). Nobody on their deathbed ever said, "I wish I had spent more time at the office", but do you think you'll say, "I wish I'd spent more me-time, chugging booze in the tub?"

Losses can be recouped, but there's no getting back the two hours you spent watching the Mario Brothers movie. (A brightly colored, whimsical game as imagined by the creators of Rain Man and the Killing Fields? Was Clive Barker unavailable?!) We have to make the most of our limited time to contribute to the world. I've made comedy for eleven years, but I didn't finally give up tech until I had cancer on my birthday two years ago. That was the second near-death experience on my birthday, following diabetes in 2013. I realized my best self wasn't the man-shaped cog asking people if they wanted fries with their website. Who knows what the next life-threatening birthday illness will inspire. Maybe I'll run for President, I hear the bar is pretty low. :P

I think any creative person will tell you, there are times when you feel frustrated by the cost of striving toward your better self. Times when I remember that none of my work has ever gone viral (not enough salt?) and the thousands of hours of comedy I've made feel unloved. While I know it's not a helpful emotion, I feel a little bitter about the effort it takes to get a handful of people to spend two minutes enjoying a comic strip I spent two days making for them. Because all this free entertainment we enjoy (and I'm not just talking about my work), is paid for with the precious time of the cartoonists and comedians who create it for us, and that's far more important than the money I've spent on advertising. That's why I share other creators' work as often as I can, because I can't afford to buy all their books, but I can tell them I appreciate them, and give them a little signal boost, or a little advice on their Kickstarter.

One day I'm thinking about how I avoid writing clickbait, but that it might get me that viral piece I've never had, if I could just roofie my principles for two damn minutes. And then I'm in a flame war with another artist because I used to post voting incentives on TopWebComics, and he says it's sleazy to put your work behind a pay wall or a voting screen. Well of course! No one pays to see Batman, or the Avengers, or Calvin and Hobbes, right?! It's totally unreasonable to expect two seconds of help from someone who enjoyed sixteen hours of my work for free. And we wonder why people don't value artists when some of us are so eager to devalue ourselves. I know I should have ignored him, but I couldn't let it go.

And then some goat sucker calls my comic work clickbait in the comments on my site while claiming he's trying to help. My first instinct is to release the Kraken, but I remember all the times I've shot myself in the foot that way and I try to calmly diffuse the situation. But he's like the squirrel in Ice Age and WON'T. LET. IT. GO. like it's the a sign of the end times that I don't take advice from an anonymous heckler like he's Spielberg. So I write another piece in frustration that becomes some of my best work and that's frustrating because I don't want an angry-ranter reputation.

When I'm feeling bitter about work and trying to avoid the stink of marketing, I remind myself that as expensive as my work is, it's a bargain compared to my previous career that only paid money. In 2007 I was a man-shaped cog that helped sell x number of cars (with or without fries). It's immeasurably more meaningful to write manifestos and essays like this, knowing that it will make lives better for friends like you. I can only say that because I choose to think of you as friends, not as a "target market" with a "cost to acquire" and a "lifetime value". I remind myself that I have no idea what my best work will be or who it will help. We shouldn't forget the best "free stuff" is ourselves. We're free to choose because we can never know the final destination.

So if you see me hawking books or promoting our Patreon, and you have that "eww, get away from me, pushy salesperson" reaction (like I do), please remember that I'm not out there giving people free comedy every day and helping other creators because I'm trying to sell books or get pledges. I'm trying to get pledges and sell books, so that I can keep laughing it forward, making people's lives better with more "free" comedy. I'm telling people about the free book on our mailing list to get more friends involved in our mission to bring laughter to the world.

I hope you'll consider being my boss and my friend, because there's nothing in the world I'd rather do than work for you. It’s a lot of work. It would be a lot easier for me to just focus on my books. But like I said, selling books chock-full o’ dick jokes is a side-effect.

I work in the service industry.

Now if my free stuff isn't your thing, I hope you do find what you're looking for.

Thank you for sharing yourself with us!

- Sam

P.S. If you believe that laughter is a moral imperative, get my first book for free, and share it with your friends!

Get Woohooligan Vol 1: Into Dorkness, Free!

[rhpotter]

Art Show Tips for Newbies

So a friend asked for some tips--he has another friend who’s a good artist, but doesn’t know where to begin in selling his work.  I wrote up a long list of tips and advice for him--and figured hey, there might be a few people online who might find this helpful too!   So here’s what I’ve learned from selling my work over the last 4 years!

Printing:  when it comes to printing, you have two basic options--print it yourself at home, or take it to a local shop for printing.  The biggest factor for me on this is a) how much it costs per page and b) how accurate the colors will be. 

Basic pros and cons of each

Print shop:

Cons:  More expensive per page (depending on paper stock, size, and type of machine.  Keep this in mind when pricing your work!  Prices will come down if you order hundreds at a time, but few artists are in a position to do that when they're starting out.)

Less convenient--you have to run down to put in the order, then run down to pick it up, all during business hours.

Color accuracy/print quality can be variable--until you find a shop and a print person you know you can trust, getting good quality prints that don't shift in color or have other issues can be difficult.  If print quality or color accuracy is important, insist on a hard proof ahead of time (you may have to pay for this). 

Make sure to check all prints received for any problems--bent paper, color banding, graininess or streaks, other flaws.  People will not want to pay top dollar for damaged prints.

Pros:  no big outlays of money to set up your own printing rig--you can do just 3-5 prints of each design to start with, and see how popular they are/how well they sell without having to spend $$ stocking up on paper, ink, etc.

Someone else is doing the actual work of printing--if time is an issue, this can be a time saver for you.

Home printing:

Cons:  Expense--expect to pay at least $200-300 for a good, professional quality printer.  Tip--top of the line Epson and Canon photo printers often retail for a lot more than that.  But they often get thrown in for free in expensive DSLR camera bundles for photographers.  Those photographers don't need another printer, so they usually throw them up for sale for half price on Amazon/Ebay.  So you can score a brand new printer for half the price or less, if you keep an eye out. Good quality paper and inks are also not cheap.  I currently pay $15-16 each for ink cartridges (and my printer takes 8!).  That said, if you want consistent, accurate colors, and good archival prints, I find it's worth the investment.  Amazon and Ebay can also be your friend for finding discounted supplies.  I don't trust third party inks--all it takes is one bad batch to clog your printer heads, and then you're having to shop for a new printer.   I also make the quality of my prints a selling point--I point out the thicker paper, that it's archival up to 70-100 years, etc, if anyone asks.  Both Epson and Canon make good printers/inks--I've used both, and prefer Canon because I have less problems with ink nozzles clogging and the like, especially if I don't need to print anything for a while.

Pros:  Absolute control over your prints.  You can proof and tweak the color yourself at home, and make changes on the fly.  You can print out just as many as you think you will need--once you've bought the initial setup, your material costs don't change much.  If you have a special order for one print, you don't have to pay a print shop--you can just run it off yourself.  Or if you are selling at a multi-day show and run out of a particular piece, you can just make more once you get home for the next day (as long as you don't run out of paper and ink!)

Other general tips:  if you want to start selling your work, start small and keep an eye on your expenses.  Remember the saying:  it's not what you make, it's what you keep.  Selling $100 worth of prints at a show won't help you much if you had to pay $150 for registration, gas, food, print costs, etc.

There are a lot of small comic/anime/sci-fi shows and conventions popping up these days-start with those, especially stuff at local colleges.  Keep an eye on your audience--if you have sci-fi themed stuff, you may not do well at an anime show, or vice versa--but don't be afraid to experiment as long as the show isn't too expensive to get into.  All you need to start out is a tablecloth, a few signs, and some prints of your work.  You can look online to find all sorts of diy display ideas.

Big tip:  DO NOT UNDERPRICE YOUR WORK.  I emphasize this because a lot of new artists don't think their work is worth much, and price it ridiculously low.  Don't do this.  Just because your work only costs $1-2 to print doesn't mean it isn't worth more--think of the cost of getting into the show, the time you had to spend making it, the computer software and hardware you had to buy, and all the other things you had to buy or do to make your work.  Assume that you will not sell all your work, and you may have to throw some of it away--you will need to recoup that cost too.  Look around at what other folks are charging, keep your own costs in mind, and charge something similar.  

Discounts work.  Give discounts if people buy more than one, etcetera.  People love to get a discount--and as long as you have a healthy profit margin built into your prints, it won't hurt your bottom line too much.  

Interact with your audience, and listen to what they're saying.  You don't have to be a used car salesman--just don't be afraid to say 'hi' or 'hello'.  If you like their costume, say so--everyone loves an honest compliment.  Ask them how the show is going for them, and be willing to chat.  And listen to their comments--if you keep hearing that they love a particular piece, but don't have the room for a print that size, try bringing smaller ones.  (Or buttons, or magnets, or ...)  If people are confused about your work, and aren't sure what to think, try something different, or try putting a story behind it.  If people keep saying, 'I love this piece, it would really look good as a ____', look into trying to get that for your next show.  This may not always be possible--certain products can be too expensive, too much trouble, or you just can't sell enough to make it worthwhile--but it never hurts to experiment.  You may be surprised at the result!

Get on ALL the social media.  Yes, it's a pain, and a time sink, and it's hard to remember to do--but it does work.  Each one has a slightly different audience, and you can crosspost to keep the amount of work down.  Deviantart allows crossposting to Tumblr and Facebook.  Facebook allows crossposting to Twitter.  And so on.  Put a story behind your art, let people interact with you.  Don't expect a lot of online sales--this is mainly advertising, just 'priming the pump', so to speak.  Look into joining local Facebook convention or vendor group--they can be great sources for upcoming shows and inside information on which ones are good and which ones to avoid.

I could go into more details, of course, but this is all stuff I wished I’d known when I started out, so hopefully it’s good enough to get people started!  :)

[alexmorrall]

France Trip Nov 2019

Wednesday Nov 6, 2019

Flew with Mallory on Swiss Air to Zurich overnight from Boston. 

  Thursday Nov 7

Transferred to Paris and picked up our Renault 4-door sedan rent a car for the paltry sum of $150 for four days.  Drove in Parisian rush hour through the outskirts of the City of Light on the highway four hours to meet Zack’s girlfriend Natalie in Angers.  Formally the seat of the Dukes of Anjou, ancestors of the Plantagenets (Henry V.) Their descendants were the Lancasters of which George RR Martin’s Lannisters in Game of Thrones are based.  Arriving in Angers that night, we had a wonderful dinner hosted by Natalie.  She had two types if plain sausage prepared, one with mushrooms, as well as salad, cheese, wine and rabbit pate.  Her hospitality was incredible the whole time we were there.  She was very happy to have visitors too, as we brought a little bubble of America with us for Nat to enjoy.  As we ate, Nat regaled us of having to deal with leaking bloody fluids from alcoholic medical patients in her study program in Angers’ Med School.

  Friday Nov 8

Natalie’s parents’ apartment was very nice and we stayed on the pullout couch, sleeping late then wandering toward downtown Angers to experience local French culture for the first time. I ordered in French and surprised myself with how much of the language I could get by with.  Throughout the trip, I proved fairly capable of ordering, and making my way along, asking where the toilet was, “Ou est les toilette?” etc. I ordered “deaux café, sil vous plait” (two espressos) which came with a little slice of banana nut bread neatly perched on the saucer. The café was colorful, its walls lined with local artists’ paintings for sale.  There were brochures for local bands and comedy acts and a  few local women hanging out. The French dressed incredibly sophisticated almost always and Mallory and I tried our best to follow suit.  I wore dress shoes, black jeans, button up shirts and my peat coat the whole time while Mallory wore a collection of attractive sweaters, a wool headband, jeans and four different pairs of stylish boots.

  It was early in our relationship to be traveling so far to Europe (I must say) but two weeks prior we had celebrated our three month anniversary and I had told her I loved her. It was an unforgettable experience for the two of us traveling so far outside our comfort zones. We frequented game shops where the owners scratched their heads at the prospect of us buying board games in French when we didn’t speak the language. Then we made our way to the river and a view of Chateau D’Angers from below.  Later we would see it from on high and within but today we met Natalie for lunch at a sophisticated spot for lunch called Restaurant Sens.  The server was extremely friendly and knowledgeable, speaking superb English and indulged me to order and ask thigs in French as well.  We had a wonderfully buttery hazelnut and artichoke soup with great local red wine, braised lamb and another café for dessert.  Next, we walked about Angers, past craft beer stores, whiskey stores, bars, restaurants, game and record shops. I scored some sweet French comic books and returned to Natalie’s to head out in her little snub nose cherry red Wingo Renault four door sedan to cruise up to “FL” vineyard in the Loire valley countryside.

  Our sommelier guided us through four white wines and a red before allowing us to buy some (which Natalie informed us was highly encouraged after imbibing.)  I snapped a photo of our sommelier with Bill Murray taken a few months previous and Mal and I bought a bottle of white each. Nat bough four for her family and we returned to Angers for dinner at Chez Remi, a chic, homey restaurant where we had veal, lamb and a delicious chocolate cake for dessert.  We walked up to Chateau D’Angers that night, picked up some bleu cheese, truffle cheese, camembert and smoky cheese.

  Saturday Nov 9

Made it downtown with Nat to see the bustling farmers’ market’s last hour of business.  It was a great vibe, better than America by far and an eye-opening experience to see the vast varieties of food and care that went into their preparation and presentation.  Normally I would feel some semblance of agoraphobia surrounded by so many strange people but here I felt at ease amidst the French locals.  We tasted olives and marinated roasted red peppers on baguette from an Italian vendor and bought some ashy one-month aged cheese. I bought two jams for my parents and we purchased a plethora of pastries as well to add to our eventual dinner.  For dejeuner (lunch) we had savory breakfast crepes (ham, sausage and cheese) with a bottle of chilled local cider poured into porcelain mugs.  Apparently, the French drink hot wine but never hot cider.

  Next, we went to Joker’s Pub and got caught in the rain after enjoying the massive mural of musicians behind our table, a couple IPA’s, including Hellfest and one covered in Vikings battling a giant squid (a scene right out of my current DnD campaign I was running with Eddie and other Viking employees.) Caught in the rain our flan got squished under all our goods in the market basked but we returned with beaucoup de (plenty of) food before heading back downtown for four dollar mojitos.  We watched Julie and Julia (which I surprisingly enjoyed) that night over a bottle of wine, and fantasized about all the wonders of French cooking.

  Sunday Nov 10

Mal and I headed to Chateau D’Angers for a tour of the amazing castle built originally in 970 but rebuilt in 1234 and many times since. There, we witnessed the largest tapestry in the world: the Apocalpyse tapestry depicting the “Fall of Bablyon” (a metaphor for any great civilization of the time.) The tapestry displayed many-headed lions and dragons facing off against crusader swordsmen and the ending resulted in a rapture-like deliverance to New Jerusalem.  I scored some sweet photos of the Maine River, surrounding city of Angers and the gardens up on the walls of the chateau including roses and grapes for wine. We met up with Nat for local burgers that tasted more like steaks, less chewy and coarse than American burgers, paired with lightly-fried, buttery frites (fries) and mayo.  Then we headed out into the country to Chateau Brissac, a beautiful castle, owned by the same family since the year 1500.  In the stables, down some paths we found a menagerie of taxidermy animals: deer, boars, wolves and bears.  Stags were very common on French coats of arms and I remarked via text to my friend Joe Quinn that it was like Baratheon land.  The tour of the castle was twenty Euro each and all in French so we declined, opting to taste wine instead.  They had two great roses and a sweet cabernet that was basically rose (of which we bought two, in addition to two “real” reds.)

  Next, we wandered into the local village of Brissac for a café where they were celebrating the weekend of Armistice Day (which was the next day.)  A bunch of locals (including the servers) were seated, drinking and laughing in the middle of the café.  We ordered trois cafes on the back patio and discussed how funny it was that a donkey at the chateau took a serious liking to Mal (eating a fallen yellow leaf out of her hand.) We dubbed her the Donkey Whisperer.  We got onto the topic of Dr. Doolittle and I asked Mal if the movie inspired her to become a veterinarian.  She said no.  Growing up with dogs and horses was most likely “why” and I love her golden retriever Baylor (he’s my phone lock screen and background) and Maine Coon mix Beasley.  

  Returning to Natalie’s abode, then hitting the town for beers and smoked sausage (saucisse) at Berthems bar then Delirium Brewing Company where we got a free round because the bartender screwed up (she mistook my request for the check as asking for another round, which I then paid for one round.)  Walked out feeling pretty tipsy for Punjab, an amazing Pakistani-owned Indian style restaurant where all the servers were men in grey loose uniforms.  The food was out of this world, easily the best Indian and some of the best overall food I’ve ever eaten: chicken masala, beef korma, and paneer with amazing garlic naan and half a bottle of vin rouge (red wine.)  Returning to Nat’s apartment to drink a bottle of cabernet (rose) and watch “Our Planet” on Netflix while Mal slept on me (again, but I never mind because I find it adorable.)

  Monday Nov 11 (Armistice/Veteran’s Day)

Awoke for French press café with Nat then hit the road in the rain for Paris (specifically CDG airport) to return the rental car. As I tried to fill up some gas early in the trip, I found all my cards were not working (Fraud alerts, credit limits or American Express which they just wouldn’t accept in France.)  We continued on, able to pay inside a gas station for half a tank with my remaining Euro cash (it would have cost $100 US to fill the whole tank because of France’s gas taxes!) This explained the protest of the yellow jackets and those who have to drive on their daily commute into French cities.)  Then, before us stretched a broad assembly of thirty toll booths. I chose one toward the right hand side of the road (but not far enough right as it would turn out.)  Pulling up to the toll booth’s barred gate, none of my cards would work and I was now fresh out of cash.  Defeated, I exited my car and approached the driver of the car behind me who understood my English. Then I went to the next one in line, a French woman who spoke no English.  Eventually I got all five cars behind me to back up into oncoming traffic.  Then we somehow merged at a perpendicular angle to the right, avoiding hordes of approaching cars. Reached a government office building next to the toll booths on the right hand side of the road and parked in front.  I got out of my car and was about to approach the office before a woman on its second floor window closed the blinds on us.  We had no other choice and merged back behind a car, tailing them to sneak through before the toll gate dropped on my rental car.  We made it without a scratch!

  Feeling a rush of adrenaline we sped on our way to CDG and dropped off the rental.  Then we had to buy an RER train ticket to Paris.  This I feared, especially when all three of my cards failed once more.  But I added my Paypal account to Google Pay while standing at the ticket machine (not sure which account it was linked to but it worked!)  Zooming into Paris, we arrived at Gare Du Nord (North station, same name of the Boston station I used on my commute every day of work at Viking downtown.)  We took the Metro a few stops to Republique and exited for our first street view of Paris: teens skateboarding and hundreds of people milling about for Armistice Day.  I considered visiting a battlefield this day but they were all northeast of Paris and we had to return the rental car by 2:30pm.  Walking twenty minutes with our suitcases, from Republique to our Airbnb near Pere Lachaise (we could’ve used the Metro but walking was good exercise after enjoying so much extravagant food all weekend in Angers.  Made it all the way to the Airbnb, hosted by Quentin, who was nowhere to be found.

  Instead there was supposed to be a girl named Nastya waiting there for us (but not yet.) We went to a nearby café for an hour and I finally got my Bank of America account unlocked so I could get 100 Euro out of an ATM which was about the best feeling ever!  I feel like I will always carry some local cash with me wherever I go after that… hopefully it’s true, haha.  Nastya then let us in, a petite French girl in urban wear (sweatshirt, skullcap, skinny jeans) The apartment was small but nice and homey with plenty of Quentin’s 3D paintings on the walls.  The bedroom was perfectly sized for us (Mal loved it!) A winding staircase that gave you a dizzy head (mal a la tete) or a too-tight elevator (where you basically had to make out with the person sharing it with you) separated the fourth floor from the first.  We departed the apartment, leaving Nastya (who seemed surprised that we had immediate plans in the city) sitting on the living room couch. We were on our way to meet up with Anneli (newly “officially” engaged to Eddie, wearing a Sterling silver ring she had crafted with him on their recent trip to Dublin.)

  We met in Jaures (northeast Paris) with Anneli at Paname Brewing Company on a little canal that was cute and hip, lots of dogs, families and joggers.  We had a huge charcuterie (meat and cheese board), beers, plus a lamb burger and heavenly fries.  Anneli regaled us with stories of a last minute Airbnb in Dublin where their host kept two different African wives and a son.  We discussed if Eddie was really moving out to marry her and live together in an apartment outside Paris in either April, July or September or next year. Anneli and I agreed Sept. was the soonest possibility based on the fact that France requires proof of three month’s income in France and Anneli was graduated at the soonest in June.  Returning to Pere Lachaise, we said goodbye to Anneli and found sleep.

  Tuesday Nov 12

Our final full day in Paris (and France), we did all the touristy things.  We took the Metro west to walk down past Notre Dame (which was under construction because of the fire a year previous) then headed to the Pantheon (a Greek-style building with beautiful statues, massive columns and Anneli’s favorite view of the Eiffel Tower: it was alright, not my favorite.) It was then that I realized just how amazing the architecture was in this city. What would dwarf the finest architectural marvels in many first-class cities of the world, these previously mentioned monuments I could tell were merely an “amuse bouche” to what wonders awaited us that day. The University of Paris was nearby (as well as a Pita Pit, a chain that was common to both my alma mater UMass Amherst and that of Mal) and I wondered what it would be like to go to school here. I could already tell Paris was the most impressive and old city I had ever seen in terms of beautiful, classical architecture and art.  

  We made our way down to Luxembourg Gardens, which was as Anneli said, “a little sad in November” but it was still a grand garden with elegant statues of kings and queens as well as a palace and fountain we photographed.  Next, was our walk to the Louvre and lunch at a café, croque monsieur (ham and cheese sandwich) for Mal and croque madame (ham and cheese sandwich with egg) for me.  It started raining super hard as we were at the café and droves of Parisians and tourists flooded inside, which our snappy and humorous server welcomed in and easily accommodated.  The rain did not let up during our lunch and we decided to embark into the rain without hats, rain jackets or umbrellas, walking several blocks down the Seine River in a torrential downpour past chic luxury shops that sold clothes, furniture and art.  Sheltering briefly in one woman’s clothing store, before a finley dressed manager asked if we could be helped and we shook our heads, taking that as our cue to leave. 

  We finally made it to Musee D’Orsay (France’s leading French art museum.) We saw a few Van Gogh’s originals (portrait of the artist and Starry Night II) as well as some Monets, Manets and Renoirs.  My favorites were the Realist historical depictions of Charge of the Light Brigade, WWI, Burial of Alexander, the Spanish Inquisition, the Decadence of Rome, Moroccan Harems, Normans setting sail to conquer England, the Hunt for Diana and the excommunication of Robert the Pious.  A Burial at Shanghai was featured and it was sprawling and powerful, taking up an entire wall.  We also walked through the featured Degas opera exhibit then departed for Place De La Concorde (fortuitously buying two umbrellas from an insistent Indian vendor upon exit from the museum before hail dropped on our heads.)  Walking along the Seine, we view the voluminous Louvre, and found a place to cross over to Place De La Concorde. It was now a massive rotary around a 3,300 year old central obelisk to Rameses II that was donated to France in 1829 by Egypt in front of the huge Greek-style Palais Bourbon, once a Royal Palace and now home to France’s National Assembly.  Later we learned the place of the obelisk was where the guillotine was set up and King Louis XVI as well as Marie Antoinnette were beheaded.

  The Place De La Concorde offered a straight-shot view all the way up Champs-Elysees to the Arc De Triomphe atop a sloping hall.  We walked up Champs Elysees, seeing beacoup de cafes, cinemas and designer clothes stores including loads of tourists waiting outside Louis Vuitton.  Then we backtracked a bit to the Seine and a ride on a bateaux mouche river boat to see all the monuments we had just walked to and more from the river.  Sunset on the bateaux mouche under the Eiffel Tower was splendid, snapping lots of selfies of Mal and I.  Then we returned to Champs-Elyssees (the so-called “most beautiful road in the world,” it was pretty nice but very commercial and crowded.)  For my niece Tigerlily, I bought a Mickey Mouse shirt from the Disney store that said “Paris” on it and I bought a Paris St Germain soccer shirt for $40 US which was a little pricey but definitely cool. We checked out the Addidas flagship store which was awesome, including a treadmill to run in new sneakers before buying.)

  Then we returned to the Seine for dinner aboard a stationary “Alexandre III” bateaux mouche (we had to because it had my name on it, and the other more hip one named Float was not yet open.)  I had escargot, red wine, and local French steak frites and Mal had salmon.  Then we walked over to the Eiffel Tower for a selfie of our two smiling faces directly beneath it, all lit up at night.  At this point my phone died so we wandered about in search of bathrooms and the Metro.  Little grocery stores had none and we found a café but were too afraid to use its bathroom which was through the kitchen after our server yelled at us for not ordering full meals.  Back into the night, we found a free public toilet on a street corner with a little old woman inside.  She was in there for about 15 minutes so I knocked twice and she emerged, berating me in a hilarious French deluge that I could not understand, merely shrugging.  I peed while Mal held the door close because its automated function keep trying to open it but the toilet was so trashed and stinky that Mal refused to use it.  We found the Metro soon after and returned to Pere Lachaise, however, I almost forgot our apartment access code and we were locked out in the cold for 10 minutes while I jammed in different passcodes… Finally I got it right and we retired after more wine to lighten the load in our suitcases.

  Wednesday Nov 13

Woke up, got deaux café and observed a hectic rush hour before making it over to Gare Du Nord for the RER train to Paris and our return to Zurich. Overall it was one of the best trips of my life, top highlight being Natalie’s hospitality in showing us Angers, plus Mal and I loving every minute together.  Mal was a perpetually calm, supportive, enthusiastic and appreciated companion who I cherish dearly. We watched four movies on the way back: the Art of Driving in the Rain, Guardians of the Galaxy, Yesterday and Stuber, staying up all night so that we could fall asleep on time with good old Boston EST and avoid jetlag.

Bon voyage indeed!