#i only follow like 180 blogs

[scoobydoodean]

I have 2 spn accounts, a Deancentric blog that ships Destiel and another account that unintentionally follows a lot of Samgirl blogs. So one blog follows majority Deangirl blogs and the other incidentally follows a lot of Samgirl blogs. And here's the major difference I've noticed on the different dashboards.

Deangirl dashboard: Great meta analysis. Beautiful art. Level 1 and 2 headcanons (largely based in canon). Pro-Dean. Stumble across reblogs of Deancrit. Bitter Deangirl blogging. Generally fair portrayal and discussion of the positive and negative traits and actions of Dean, Sam and Cas. Deanhater anons.

Samgirl dashboard: An entirely different pool of beautiful art. Whole lotta woobie!Sam art where Dean is his abuser. Deancrit about Dean being an abuser. Bitter Samgirl blogging about how people will find any excuse to hate Sam. "How can anyone be Samcrit he has done nothing wrong ever." Level 5 headcanons (you literally ignored canon to make that up). More about how Dean is Sam's abuser. So many posts about how awful Samcrit is. "Do Deangirls really think that Dean cries himself to sleep at night thinking that ppl thinks he doesn't know how to read." I have yet to see any actual Samcrit posts (not even links or reblogs from Sam defenders), not even after literally searching the Samcrit tag for it. The Samcrit tag is full of Samgirls crying about Samcrit and no actual Samcrit. "Samgirls are feral, but we need to be bc of the hate ppl throw Sam's way."

I literally have to block so many people on the incidentally Samgirl dashboard bc I'm not on Tumblr to randomly stumble across a post on how Dean is a toxic stalker who abused Sam by changing Amelia's number in his cellphone. Do you have any idea on why Samgirls seem to feel so attacked all the time even though I literally only ever see *them* attacking Dean?

If you dig deep enough into any fandom, you will encounter people who fetishize "helpless victimhood". Some fandoms attract more people with those particular proclivities than others. Supernatural and Sam in particular attracts people who hold those sorts of aesthetic interests because of his relationship toward accountability versus Dean's.

Dean is a character with an overactive sense of responsibility. He blames himself for the Lindbergh baby and unemployment and every child murdered by a shrtiga from 1990 to 2005 because he went to play an arcade game when he was 10. He also blames himself for things like Jessica dying and Sam not being in school. Other characters pile on this blame frequently. John blames Dean for Sam getting hurt (1.18). Ruby tells him (and Sam) that Sam is a weak baby who won't psychologically survive without Dean there to protect him (3.11). Meg alleges that Dean is "dragging Sam everywhere" (1.16). Sam rewrites reality from 1.05 to 1.21 to make Dean responsible for his burning desire for revenge. Cas and Zachariah and Gabriel blame Dean when Sam breaks the last seal because he didn't stop Sam in time. Sam blames Dean for him drinking demon blood first because Dean wasn't there to protect him and then—in a complete 180—because Dean is smothering (4.04, 5.05). Dean generally absorbs blame when it is piled at his feet because he has been blamed for things he couldn't control for most of his life and thus he feels guilty and responsible for things even when him being responsible makes no logical sense. He's never a victim of anything—everything is always on him.

Sam, on the other hand, tends to eventually deflect blame because he can't handle the gnawing bite of it for long. It reminds him too deeply of being left isolated and alone as a child and the feelings of otherness and wrongness he developed through that neglect. When his actions ultimately have consequences he didn't foresee and/or that he finds undesirable, it makes him feel ugly and unaccepted and he can't face it so he eventually finds a way to make what happened someone else's fault—usually Dean's fault. Nothing is ever on him. He's always at least a little bit of a victim and Dean always carries at least partial responsibility for his decisions (1.21, 1.08, 4.04, 5.05, 8.23, 11.01)

In other words, Sam has an under-active sense of responsibility and Dean has an overactive responsibility and that dynamic—driven by their childhood experiences—places them into a vicious cycle of blame being cast onto Dean for Sam's decisions and Dean absorbing it. Dean absorbing it reinforcing the narrative for samgirls with a victimhood fetish that Dean deserves blame and that Sam truly is a helpless baby. They never watch what actually happens on the show to see whether this narrative that Dean is responsible for everything and Sam is a helpless baby lines up with the actual events that occurred onscreen because why would they? That would ruin their enjoyment. Sam isn't interesting to them outside of his capacity to be mourned as some sort of helpless martyr. And yes—they will cry and moan about how horrible and unfair Sam's suffering is, but it isn't because they're having a bad time. They're having a great time. They love thinking about Sam that way. They wouldn't be here blogging about it day in and day out for the last 20 years if they didn't actually want to see exactly what they're seeing.

Related tags of note:

#sams motivations

#taurus sam in the flesh

#In which Sam is not a helpless little waif with his hands cast over his eyes being carried along by the tides of the immutable sea

#sam the hunter

#sams follower/leader false dichotomy

#parentification

[leoascendente]

PAC/ Major blessings of the new year ✨️

Hi my loves! Welcome back to another pick a card, this time focused into the new year and what will be the major blessings this new year has in store for you. As always, take a deep breath and take a moment to choose your pile, I suggest you to pick the one that makes you smile the most.

I wish you the best year possible, may peace, happiness and love be always by your side every day of this new year ❤️

Decks: Woodland wardens oracle, Raider Waite tarot and astrodices

For private readings click here / 2024 readings are open

My blog in Spanish here

All pics are from pinterest, credits to their owners

Pile 1/ pile 2/ pile 3

Pile 4/ pile 5/ pile 6

Pile 1:

This new year will be your year of preparation, there's something huge coming into your life at some point but first you need to learn some new skills to get and keep the success you are looking for. Universe is giving you extra time to prepare what you really want to achieve, it's like a period for trying new things and tests what works best for you, especially in matters of career and money because you'll be very lucky in these areas. If you are thinking into opening your own bussiness and be an enterpreneour, this year will be a lucky year for you but the cards wants you to focus on burocracy and legal matters too, you'll have it easy but there are some things you'll need to learn before, like paying taxes on time or investing money wisely

Your areas of luck will be about starting projects and trying new things it's all about taking the lead without fearing risk, whenever you follow your inner compass you'll find yourself attracting more abundance than what you expected. You'll also be very lucky when it comes to gain wealth and what will play the most at your favor is your knowledge about burocracy or legal matters, not only for this year but the years ahead where you'll be managing big amounts of money.

This year will be filled by happiness and meaningful changes, sometimes change can be overwhelming but for you this feels like something you've been waiting for a long time, a desired transformation of your reality. You are the group that got more major arcana, so this 2024 will be an end of a cycle where your life will take a 180-degree turn, there's also this energy of getting out of your head so much and starting focusing on your present moment. With the empress and the magician cards, I see you'll feel a lot more grounded and, for what I'm feeling, this will help you attract money easilly, you'll be a literal money magnet this new year. These two cards are also indicators of a good year of prosperity with work and money, the empress also indicates a huge physical glow up and a boost in your confidence, you'll feel super empowered during 2024 :).

Pile 2:

This new year brings you balance and stability, you'll feel a lot more supported and certain about the path you are taking in life, things will feel more peaceful for you this new year. If you deal with anxiety or something of that sort that involves your mental health, I see a big relief over 2024, you'll be making a lot of progress in this area. The major word I channel is balance, on your outside circumstances but mostly when it comes to yourself and your inner wellbeing, I feel my heart rushing and a knot in my stomach that are slowling relieving, this year might also involve some kind of spiritual or emotional healing too. If you have difficulties dealing with stressful situations this year will also bring you clarity to discern what's best for you and where to invest your precious energy.

You'll be lucky when it comes to find new ways to develop your passion or how you share it with the world, you'll be very lucky if you use some kind of social media or technologies to promote it too, especially if you are an artist. Your intuition will be improving too, if you follow it you'll find sucess at the end of the road, your guides will also be taking relevance in your life. Btw, blue will be your lucky color during the year

This new year will end up some conflicts you were dealing with, the feeling that you needed to constantly fight will dissipate in a very natural way, it will happen progressively in a time where you'll feel like you can finally sit and relax, you might feel extra tired sometimes but it will be because your nervous system will get out of survival mode. You end up a karmic cycle of your life that will allow you to focus on your finances and being productive at work because you got the ace and the 8 of pentacles right after the card of the world, so working and seeing progress will be a major theme of your year ahead, if you are into handcraft of some sort you can get extra income with it. You'll be also getting out of your comfort zone more often to find beautiful things outside of what's known to you, this will be a year of adventures that you'll live with peace in your heart.

Pile 3:

There's an improvement on your energy levels and your home life, you'll feel a lot more healthy and vital during the new year, I don't usually talk about health in any of my readings but your pile deserves it because your body is regenerating positively somehow, whatever you are doing to take care of it just know it's working and will give you proofs of it this new year. There's also a major message about your home life and how it will be taking a more important role in your life, maybe it's something as simple as to be able to decorate it the way you like or it's something more relevant like making a renovation of pipes or fixing leaks, whatever it is, it's something you've been wishing for a long time, It could also be that you'll finally be moving to the house of your dreams.

Your lucky areas talk about health again with virgo in the dices, I see trying to have a healthier habits will help you in this aspect of your wellbeing, maybe create a healthier routine or something that sort (it will be different for each of you reading this), always do what's most aligned with yourself. You also got pluto and the third house so this year will be good for you to transform yourself, maybe stepping out of what's known for you and try new practices, it could also be that you are re-learning some thinigs after an spiritual awakening. For a little amount of you this could mean taking a different approach when it comes to your physical health and needs.

Uhhh things got interesting with your tarot cards! There's a lot of love entering your life my dear :), you got so many beautiful cards that I had to take a minute to channel and summarize all the info. After a period of healing and purification all your dreams will start to come true, the healing process might seem too intense because you'll be getting a lot of channelings in a short period of time but suddently everything will start happening for you, it will happen in the most unexpected way at the mostt unexpected time, you won't see all the happiness coming, even if you receive signs you won't be paying that much attention. You got the star, 10 of cups, ace of cups and the empress, if this is not an omen of your true love entering your life I don't know what it is haha, maybe the message about the home means that you finally meet the person you are going to create a home with because you got the king and knight of pentacles at the bottom of the deck so this person is arriving with commitment, peace and stability. Congratulations my dear, you'll be discovering love in many different aspects of your life during this new year.

Pile 4:

Your major blessing is some kind of dharma, it's something that will make you gain hope in Universe's protection over you, this will come through other people that will communicate things to you that will feel like an eureka moment where everything starts to make sense. Honestly, this feels like making amends with the past, do you know when you see the bully of your high school after 10 years and all the rage dissapears because that person is having a nightmare of a life?, it's not about being happy about other people's suffering, it is more the feeling of there's someone up there watching everything we do and no one leaves without paying their karma.

You area of luck is about the people that will enter your life, I see you reuniting with your soul tribe this year and finding lovely people that will treat you with respect and admiration. If you are someone that has dealt with the worst aspect of human nature, this year will be a proof from Universe of all the good traits humans have, it's like Universe wants to compensate you for the battles you have gone through, you'll find your place and your people in this world.

With the tarot cards I'm seeing that you'll be meeting the most lighthearted and positive aspect of life, there's happiness, support and love entering your life to stay. You'll be moving on from a lot of mental patterns that were holding you back, it's like you have learnt the theory and you are finally dealing with the practice that you thought it would be supper difficult and challenging and will ressult into being the most easy and peacefull process ever, like you don't even have to make any effort because everything will be moving at your same pace. Between all the new positive people entering your life, there are a lot of chances to find a romantic soulmate there, because of the cards you got I see an unblock in your heart chakra that will unblock your love life too, especially for those that have been single for a while. At the bottom of the deck you got the 6 of swords and the wheel of fortune so this new year will be a shift in your luck to the positive aspects of life, you'll also be feeling more hopeful and optimistic.

Pile 5

Your pile is the only one that has one extra oracle card and it's because that card wanted to fly and land on the opposite side of the room, not to give you spoilers but it was the card of romance. This new year will bring you a lot of different blessings, I see 3 major ones at least, romace is very prominent through all your spread so this year you will meet your true love and will start your life together as a couple. Another blessing I see here is some sort of independence (it will be different for each of you so take only what resonates), it can be moving alone to a new place, working by yourself or releasing emotional attachments, whatever independence means to you is what you'll be getting this new year. I also see admiration from people when they look up to you, you'll be receiving adoration from others, like getting a fan club or something like that, it feels like people being devoted to you, so you might viral or achieve some level of fame throught the new year

Your lucky areas will be taking care of yourself and your beauty on the inside and the outside, if you've been thinking about changing your style this year will be very favorable for you in this aspect, also for beauty treatments or anything related to your image and appearance. Another lucky area will be your drive and inner power, you can rely on this aspects whenever you need a boost of confidence, remind yourself your talents and keep moving, you are your most powerful lucky charm <3

Uhhh Divine counterparts energy here in your tarot cards, the magician and the high priestess and the king and queen of cups, so you'll be finding a person so in tune with you that it gives me goosebumps all over my spine, you'll understand what a twin flame connection is after this person enters your life, btw, it's someone completely new, no one from the past. Your overall message about this new year is success and moving on from what no longer serves you, this new year you'll be aligning with your happiest and most successful version and honestly, I feel like you won't have to do that much because Universe is pampering you during the whole year

Pile 6

Your oracle card's literal is happiness, so honey, happy days are here again for you, I see even see you crying of joy a few times during the year. You are my spiritual pile and my dear, this year you'll be having magical moments with your spirituality, you'll see miracles happening in front of you, I'm literally hearing 'a glitch in the matrix' so you'll be seeing and undestanding Universe in such a deeper level. You'll be nourishing your soul during this new year, you'll be more in tune with your inner child and you'll be focused into what's best for you and your happiness, life will also be very gentle with you.

Your lucky areas have something to do with your soul mission, especially if you are the kind of people that loves helping others and would like to dedicate your life into a major service for others. It's something related to healing, it can be your own or this might be more related of a soul mission that involves helping others, whatever it be, you'll be receiving rewards because of this. Another lucky area will be the people that will enter your life, you'll have an amazing support system in the people you will know this year.

You'll be knowing a soul mate this year! You got 2 and 10 of cups and a lot of major arcana, so I see a major connection with a romantic soulmate but also there are a lot of soul mates that will enter your life to align you with your soul mission, every person will come with a lot of knowledge that will make you feel fullfiled on a soul level. There's also a shift in your luck but it will be mostly driven by your own mentality, you'll feel stronger and more confident in whatever your passions are, you'll be also having some sort of realization about what you want to do with your life and will plan how to make it true, Universe will be favoring you in this aspect.

[thetruthwilloutsworld]

I'm making this post to debunk the theories currently circulating regarding the identity of the woman who was with Sam this weekend. I think now is the best time to do this as I feel it has gone too far after a possible woman has been identified.

You may question why I'm in a position to do this well it's because I know the actual identity of the woman. I was the person who saw her picture when she posted it on an IGS on Sunday 28/7/24. I follow this woman on Instagram before I'm accused of stalking along with a few thousand others so I certainly wasn't the only one who saw it. She usually tags who she's with and the location but didn't in this instance but I just thought at the time she might still be there.

Sam then posted his pictures on Monday 29/7/24 and I knew straightaway they looked identical to the one the woman I follow posted.

The woman I follow didn't take her IGS down when Sam posted his pictures it was there for the full 24 hours.

I sent a message to BCAC as I knew the usual questions would be raised as to who he was with or was he alone.

BCAC and I discussed it she agreed it was the same location and left it at that. She was asked by an anon if he'd gone hiking and she responded yes and wasn't alone.

BCAC didn't make her post until Wednesday and quite rightly didn't identify the woman. I don't agree about people getting harassed because of an association or coming after the blogger who posted the information.

Theories starting popping up which is amazing considering it was just the top of a picture. Then overnight a blogger has alluded to a woman but the facts are wrong which is why I'm doing this post to set the record straight.

If anyone is trying to find the picture the woman posted it was an IGS so it's not on her blog or highlights so don't waste your time looking.

She isn't an actress.

She isn't married.

She didn't put the word 'our' on the picture she just put 'last nights camping spot'.

Yes he knows her as they've spent time together before which I'm not going into.

She definitely isn't any of the women he's been linked with recently.

The video that Sam took wasn't a 360° more like 180° so she could've easily stood behind him. There were comments about other people being with them I find it hard to believe they all moved in unison behind Sam to keep themselves hidden.

There's only two people minimum who know the full story and they aren't going to tell, so yes there may have been others or it could've been just the two of them.

Following details given out by another blogger I can confirm the woman Sam was with in the picture is not 19 years of age, her chosen profession is not that of an athlete and the initials are completely wrong so please do not go to her page for those who have guessed who she is she's an innocent party in all of this.

The last thing I'm going to say about the woman in the camping picture is I'm not going to give her name, nationality, age or career details or post the full picture so there's no point in asking.

At the end of the day a picture was posted at the same location as Sam's and we will probably never know the full story.

Hopefully that has answered some people's questions, will stop rumours and bloggers inboxes can have a well earned rest.

[lemon-russ]

Uhm so my understanding with that 'Burned out on Cato × Diplomat' post is that requests are open? May I request some post-nails Angron x Reader? Doesn't have to be smut, but I'd welcome it!

yes!! It isn't super long and no smut, but I liked this so much I might do more of it, I'm actually a big fan of 30k Angron :)

Eta: I keep forgetting tags woops: @undeaddream @scriberye @sleepyfan-blog

And thank you for divider as always @squishyowl

Angron x Gn!Reader

Word count: ~800

CW: It's Angron. There's blood.

Blood dripped down the walls, splattered across from the spray from the neck of the unfortunate serf that happened to have passed by The Red Angel at the wrong moment. He gnashed his teeth, grinding and cracking them before they healed themselves immediately anyways. The pain of the nails cracked through his skull again, but dulled slightly now that he'd turned a serf into paste in the halls of the Conqueror.

He whirled 180° at the sound of soft footsteps tapping against the metal plates, nostrils flaring and hand raising to use whoever dared approach the Lord of the Red Sands.

But upon seeing your soft, patient expression looking up at him with gentle eyes, he faltered. The only thing that seemed to even slightly interrupt the pain if his nails besides bloodshed and slaughter, was you. You and that gentle, unfaltering look you always gave him.

He lowered his arm, grinding his teeth again against the pain, and you gave him a small smile before approaching. You could read him well enough to know when it was safer to approach and when he needed space.

“Angron.” You say in that soothing tone. You never called him “my lord” or “primarch” or any of those ridiculous titles. He tried not to flinch, his muscles tensing in control as you stepped to his side. You pull out a cloth from your robes and pat at the blood splattering his arms with a featherlight touch, knowing too much contact would irritate his nails.

“You.” He gruffs. That's all he ever called you. Just, you. Never anything so pompous or fake as a pet name. And he honestly would forget your name in the middle of a wrack of pain or a blood fury. So it more often than not was simply, “You.”

“You are wandering alone again.” He growled, fists straining as he attempted to control his anger at your lack of self preservation. “You forget where you are.”

Like always, you didn't react in anyway but with gentle, unwavering patience. “I heard screaming. I wanted to check on you. Would you like to walk with me?” You say with that soft tone that seemed to balm his psyche.

He simply grunts, the nails lashing against the numbing of his mind with another shock of pain. But you made it easier. More bearable. He lets you take his hand in both of yours, and mindlessly follows you as you lead him away from the pile of gore he made of the serf.

He blinks away some pained brain fog. “You… know better than… to walk alone around the ship.” He forced through grit teeth.

You make a gentle hum. “I wasn't very far from you.” You return simply.

He groaned, annoyance tinging the pain in his mind. “If one of my sons got a hold of you…” he growled, teeth creaking in his head as he ground them.

You softly pat his hand. “I know, but they did not. Shall we loop around?” You say, tugging his hand gently toward a new corridor. “Or shall we bathe for the night and head to bed?”

He shuddered, pain mingling with the other feelings you always stir. “Bed. Now.” He grunts, hand tightening around your tiny ones.

You giggle, the sound only rousing his blood more. “Not while you're covered in blood. Bath time it is. I got some nice herbs for soaking when we were on that last planet…” you say, and your babbling about scented leaves turns into a soft background noise as he watches your face while you talk. Soft. Gentle. Patient. Voice hypnotizingly calming, or as much as is possible for him. His.

He growled a soft noise, gripping your tiny hand with as much gentleness as he could muster. With you, blood was not the only thing that could sate his pain and rage. At least for a moment. With you, there were other things that helped.

You looked up at him curiously, and his mind dredged back to the moment. “What?” He grunted.

You giggled and blushed. “I asked, so you think it might be fun to combine a bath and our other activites?”

He processed slowly, mind trudging through the ever constant pain, but then he let out a deep, needy growl from his chest. “Yes.” He snarled. He scooped you up into his arm, no longer patient enough to wait for your tiny legs. You squeak and giggle, far too comfortable in the arms of 11 feet of muscle and rage.

He looks down at you as he hurried toward the quarters he had made for you. You. His.

Yes, there were other things that could soothe his nails, for a moment. And he thinks he might be able to rut himself into a somewhat restful sleep tonight.

[all-you-need-is-paul-mccartney]

Baby It's You (Teen!John Lennon x Teen!Female!Reader)

A/N: Hello! Yes, I'm alive, and yes, I know I haven't posted anything original on this blog in over 3 years, but that's gonna change!

Thank you all for sticking around so long, my life did a 180 about a month or so ago and now I can get back to one of the things I love doing most: giving you all some juicy fanfiction to enjoy!

I've had an influx of enthusiastic followers and readers on my last oneshot ask for more writing, and I will be delivering! I have upcoming Paul and George oneshots underway; but first, I think it's time we show John a little love!

P.S. we'll probably consider this an AU fic since John went to private school, and he is going to school with the reader in this one. Sorry for the lack of authenticity in advance!

Summary: Your friend, John, invites you to the first Fair of the year with the intentions of evolving some spontaneous behaviour within you. You find just the thing there to prove to John just how daring and fun you could be-- and then things go sideways.

WARNINGS: This has been sitting in my notes FOREVER so I wouldn't be surprised if there were typos.

Also, there is a heteronormative behaviour in this fic because of the time it was set in, but I want to disclaim that LOVE IS LOVE and I, in no way, support heteronormative/ anti LGBTQ+ behaviour. Love who you want to love; just be happy doing so<3

Also Also, she is a LONG one like the other oneshot, so I advise you read this when you've got some time on your hands!

Swearing is almost a certainty at this point, but no really mature themes, so a T rating is probably enough for this one.

It was a hot Friday afternoon, at the very end of the school year; and there were hundreds of telltale signs:

The teacher was well over his curriculum and he sat at his desk reading a book in silence, student-made work was no longer strewn about on the walls, the classroom was humid even with everyone fanning themselves and each other; and the students...

You could tell the students were just dying to get home for the summer.

There were five minutes left on the clock, and you sat at your desk packing your things away. You spent the last hour doodling, but you wanted to be ready to take off as soon as the bell sounded.

As you zipped your bag up, you saw a little flash of white in your peripheral, and when you glanced back at the surface of your desk, you noticed a folded piece of paper-- a note!

You looked around briefly, but no one indicated to you where to pass it, so it had to have been for you.

And if the note was for you, then there was only one person it could have been from.

You unraveled the little piece of paper, revealing the question the paper possessed.

"Fair? Tonight? -yours truly"

That evening in particular, the local fair was going to erect itself in the biggest park in town, and everyone at school was going to be there. What better way to blow off steam at the end of a long year of hard work?

You shook your head at his pathetic complimentary close, your eyes rolling to the back of your head so far they almost didn't come back.

The bell rang, and before you could even consider doing anything else with the note, everyone took off out the door, as did you, knowing fully well "yours truly" was going to be waiting for you at your locker.

As you rounded the corner to the hallway your locker was in, you finally caught glimpse of him. He was leaning against it with his arms crossed, one leg over the other as his eyes wandered the other students for your face; and when your eyes locked, his expressionless mouth couldn't help but tighten upwards.

Perhaps his smile was out of kindness, but it was most likely because he was a jokester, and quite frankly couldn't get enough of teasing you.

And now his target was spotted.

He opened his mouth to speak, but you spoke first. "You know how much I hate how you sign these off, right?"

You presented the note in hand adjacent to your head as your face displayed a disapproving cringe, cheeks pink in mild humiliation.

"John, I only ever get notes written from you, so the flowery signoff is unnecessary," you put the note down, pointing at him with a frown.

"That note-passing was so open! You know if the teacher ever caught something like that, he'd make me read it out loud to the class, surely you know I'd die on the spot, and then my ghost will haunt you until you died too!"

His smile only grew wider at your words, almost as if he'd been betting with himself what your response to all of this was going to be.

"Also, you're not even in my last class," you rambled on, "so how you managed to have it smuggled in beats me."

"Oh, come on, y/n, you know you'd love all the attention you'd get out of something like that," he gestured to the paper, and you shook your head before crumpling it into a ball in your hand and tossing it at his head, to which it bounced off, and then was immediately trampled on as other students hurried down the hallway.

The both of you weren't strangers; you frequented playdates with John as children, and then you went to school together, so you basically watched each other grow up. John, for as long as you'd known him, usually displayed confident and sometimes mischievous behaviour towards others that typically you'd find unappealing for a man to display.

"People thinking I'm with you? That is not the kind of attention I'm after."

Not that you ever found John appealing, in any way. He was your buddy; you tolerated his behaviour. That being said, over the years he started lightening up on the harsher jokes with you, opting for more of a platonic flirt more than anything else, finding it was a less harmless way to poke fun at you.

"And the Fair, John? Really?"

The boy shrugged his hands up to defend his suggestion. "What's so bad about the Fair?!"

You rolled your combination into your locker, and he shifted out of the way so you could get into it better once you got it unlocked.

"Nothing's wrong with going to the Fair. Going to the Fair with you on the other hand..." you tisked at him before reaching into your locker to retrieve what binders and books you had left in there. John never used his locker, so he was just waiting on you.

You tossed your bag up over your shoulder once you shoved your books inside, and before John could interject with an if, and, or but, you put your hand up to silence him.

"You left me lost in that fun house--"

"But that was literally ten ago, y/n!"

"Doesn't mean I'm over it!"

You took the lead towards the exit doors, and John followed suit, searching for the right words to convince you to go with him.

"If you go with me tonight, I'll try to win you a stuffed animal,"

"We're doing bribery now, are we?" You smirked, reaching out for the doors and pushing through until both you and John were outside, standing under the sun. It was nice for once for the sun to have been out from behind the clouds.

"Look, you're just always hanging out with your girlies, and I've got my mates, but they're all going to the fair with other people tonight," John started as you both headed to the sidewalk and began to make your way to your place.

"We never really do spontaneous things anymore, just you and I. And, I don't know, growing up a little might have had something to do with it... but it doesn't mean I'm not still your friend, though. I wanna do things with you."

You took John's words into consideration. One thing you really liked about John was that he was passionate, and poetic. You'd seen this reflected in some of his writing before, and he often discussed with you how much he liked music, and how he dreamed that his poems could very well one day soon become songs...

Now, it's not like he spoke the way he wrote, but his thoughts translated to words so quickly and effortlessly, and he, as a speaker, really made you think twice about what he said because he sounded so sure when he spoke.

"... I suppose we have been distant in terms of having fun. I know I won't be able to win an argument with you that studying every other night together is considered 'fun', even though I think otherwise."

You and John both rounded left down the next street, which happened to be where you lived; the benefits of living a block away from school. Your house was coming up, meaning this conversation had to end soon.

"Y/n, of the two of us, it's you who needs to be more spontaneous. Just say yes and come with me tonight."

At this point, you and John had slowed to a stop and were standing at the end of the driveway, facing one another as you pondered whether tonight was going to be spent inside reading and listening to music, or stimulated by exciting noises and lights while you stuffed your face with Carnival delicacies and treats.

"... If I say yes, will I still get my stuffed animal?" You already knew the response as the smile returned to John's face.

You and John made it to the Fair for 6:30, and it was already full of life; children on the rides screaming their heads off, friends competing in mini games like Ring Toss and Balloon Darts, and the smell of popcorn and candy floss swirled through the air.

As you looked around at all of the rides available, you barely noticed John going out of his way to buy tickets for both you and him for the night. When he returned to you, he tried to see if you were looking at a particular ride. "Anything catching your eye?"

"I feel like they have different stuff this year. Like, that one must be new," you pointed to a group a different rides that you'd never seen before. "Let's look around, and if anything looks interesting enough, I say we go for it."

John bought you enough tickets for you both to ride everything anyways, but you two had all night, and nowhere to be the next day, so you agreed to start at one end of the fair, and work your way through it.

The first ride that caught the attention of either one of yous were the Tea Cups.

"Remember the one time I threw up on you on that ride?" You asked John with a little smile, to which he replied without a beat,

"And then I threw up on you and caused a chain reaction with all of the other kids on the ride?"

You both laughed and cringed at the rather unpleasant memory before John kindly took your elbow and pulled you towards the ride gently, knowing full well that your matured stomachs would be able to handle it now, and your moving feet indicated you weren't objecting the idea of getting on.

"We gotta start the fun somewhere, Love. After you," John presented four tickets to the ride operator, and you chose your favourite colour cup to climb into.

"If you just don't spin the cup, we'll make it out of here safe," you warned John with a joking wagging finger, and he saluted to you respectfully as he closed the hatch to the cup and took a seat next to you.

"Don't worry, we won't meet the same fate as last," he grabbed the wheel at the centre of the cup as if to indicate he was going to steady it the whole time, and you were excited to see how well he'd do; and even more excited to make fun of him when he did a bad job.

The ride shot to life, and as the cups began dancing around in different patterns, you watched in amusement as John tried his very hardest to keep the cup from spinning; his attention sometimes turning to you, and he watched as your hair whipped around your smiling face as the ride threw the both of you around.

Your beating heart was building up adrenaline as the ride spun on. You suddenly threw your hands overtop of John's, and his eyes shot up to you, hands going slack on the wheel, and you took that moment to whip the cup around as hard as you could, the world becoming a blur around you, and your energy within escaping in a bound of squeals and giggles.

John couldn't help but join in, your laughter was contagious, and the excitement he felt seeing you having fun made his heart ache a little, but in a good way.

The ride was over much sooner than the either of you would have liked, the both of you combing your fingers through your hair to appear more presentable as your tea cup came to a complete stop. John opened the door for you, and you both continued on on wobbly legs to see what else the Fair had to offer.

After a few carnival games and slow, paced rides, you finally grab John by the wrist after he suggests doing something you'd rather do later so he didn't take off too far.

"I think we should do the Ferris Wheel, John," You dropped his wrist and pointed to the ride in the distance behind him, his eyes following your gaze to it.

"Come along, then," it was now his turn to grab your wrist, and lead you along.

That was one unspoken rule you had with John: he never held your hand. You weren't sure why, and you didn't really care-- you didn't want to hold his hand. You just always settled on the idea John was really committed to the joke about not wanting to get Cooties; and honestly, you respected his devotion to the joke.

Your wait in line to ride the Ferris Wheel was a short one, and your chest filled with excitement yet again as you and John took your seats and the ride operator strapped you in.

As the ride filled with other people, you and John slowly made your way to the very top of the ride, allowing yourselves to take in the view of the Fair that seemed to stretch forever.

"We really should have done this first so we could have seen everything all at once," you said, peering down at some of the unrecognizable stands and rides surrounding you both. One in particular caught your eye, and it was in the shape of a space ship from those cartoons depicting the future.

"We definitely have to check that one out," you pointed to it, and John nodded his head in agreement.

"It seems to be right by the games and food. We'll grab some candy while we're in the area."

"And...?"

"And I'll win you that prize, yeah yeah yeah, I know what I promised."

The Ferris Wheel then took off, and you and John savoured the ride, watching the sun slowly fall towards the horizon, the most beautiful colours painted across the sky.

"I'm glad you convince me to come with you, Johnny. I'm having loads of fun. Thank you," you didn't shout, just loud enough that John could hear, and he smiled at you.

"Like I said, if anyone needs to be more spontaneous, it's you. If I can fix that in any way, I'll take the chance," you smiled back at his words, turning your full attention back to the sky as the ride began to slow, knowing this moment, like everything else, was going to come to an end.

You and John were on a mission to get over to the space ship, passing by a bunch of other rides and games you pointed to and indicated aloud along the way that they were on your To-Do list that evening.

As you approached what you two initially thought was a ride, you discovered that the rocket was actually just a still building. There were two lines entering the ship, and there were a few people in each line.

One of the Fair Staff was walking by, and John stopped him before he went too far. "Hey, what's this one all about?"

"Cosmic Hearts is a matchmaking activity we just added! You're matched with someone of your preference in the other line anonymously, and you both enter the rocket. You spend two minutes in the dark together, and then you leave together when the doors open, revealing who you've matched with. You can also think of it as a two-way Kissing Booth."

The staff member looked at the both of you before adding on slowly, "established couples usually don't use that one..."

"Oh, you must be mistaken, we're not--" John couldn't even correct the guy before he was walking away again. You looked from John, back to the metal space ship. The guys standing in line weren't bad looking at all.

"... I wouldn't mind spending two minutes in the dark with any of them," you thought aloud, noticing that each person in line had at least one unique physical attractive quality.

"Yeah, well I'd be worried they'd be touchy with you. In the dark and all," John huffed, shaking his head at the picture he painted himself, and you bursted out laughing.

"What, so you're my chaperone now? Going in there is knowing full well you're going to have hands all over you. Maybe I want to be squeezed up a little, Johnny, is there any harm in that?"

"I mean," John's face flushed a rosy pink before shutting his eyes and shaking his head again, as if that was going to stop his imagination from doing what an imagination does.

"That's.. not something I want to picture."

"Well look, you don't have to anymore," you took John's arm and pulled him towards one of the game stalls close by. "But you do have to try to win me that stuffed bear. We all know that's what I came for in the first place."

The distraction you set up was a good one. The game you brought John to was pretty much just Balloon Darts but forest- themed. You watched as John tried his very best to aim his darts, but he just couldn't quite seem to make the mark for that bear.

The fifth round came and went, and John was still slapping more tickets down. You knew it didn't help that John was legally blind and flat-out refused to wear his glasses, but you weren't about to start an argument with him over that.

After John used up the rest of his darts from that round, he looked over at you with frustration and he sighed. "Look, I might just need a quick break," John took the tickets from inside his pocket, and placed them in your hand.

"I'm running to the loo, it's just on the other side of the park, just hang out here, play a round... or four... and see if you're a better shot than me,"

"I'm always a better shot than you, Lenny," you called to him as he disappeared in the crowd, waving back to you as if to acknowledge your cocky response.

You went to turn back to the game, but something stopped you. You took a quick glance over your shoulder, and eyed the lineup at the rocket ship. You couldn't believe how good looking the people in the lineup were, you could only imagine what the mystery people in the second line looked like.

And then John's words from earlier became apparent in your head, statement ringing in your ears.

"Y/n, of the two of us, it's you who needs to be more spontaneous."

You furrowed your brow as you thought about this decision you were about to make. The closest lineup to you wasn't long at all, and before you knew it, your feet were pretty much walking themselves up to the line.

There was a girl about your age doing the matching for your line, and she met your gaze after letting the next person in. She grinned, and approached you.

"Hello! Welcome to Cosmic Hearts, do you know how we work?"

"Sort of... I just don't know how the matches are made."

"Oh, it's no worries, we do that all for you! We only really take the girl's request for preference types, and then we match accordingly from the other line. Is there something in particular you want about your match? Looks? Behaviour?"

You raised an interested eyebrow, skeptical about how accurate your preferences would be in terms of the match.

That being said, it was just an elaborate kissing booth, it's not like you were using the stall to find the love of your life-- no, you were looking to prove to John that you could be daring, that you weren't as boring as he maybe thought.

"Look, girl-to-girl here, I trust your judgement in choosing me a good-looking guy..." your voice tapered off for a moment before you added, " I just might want someone who doesn't seem too overconfident."

The Match Girl smiled wide, and gestured toward the door to the spaceship with her hand, pushing it open to let you in. You were the next girl in line, and the boys in the lineup watched as you took a deep breath and moved in.

As you walked toward the threshold of the dark room, Match Girl filled you in on the instructions.

"The other side of the curtain will be your 'contact area', only walk through when you hear the other door close; that'll mean he's inside as well. You'll have two minutes alone together, at which point we will open the central door and let you both out"

Your heart began to quicken. It didn't really occur to you until now that you were about to make out with a complete stranger in the dark, and leave that spaceship hand-in-hand just to prove to John wrong about you lacking in as much fun as he thought.

But this impulsive plan of yours also excited you a lot.

Maybe by the end of the night, you'd be leaving with a boyfriend, and telling John that you told him so.

You took your final step into the rocket, and your heart pounded against your ribcage as it all went dark.

After about thirty seconds of silence, you heard some shuffling from the other side of the curtain, and then a simple, "your two minutes start now," from the staff.

Your heart was beating so loud, you could hear the blood flowing in your ears. Your remaining senses enhanced, provided your lack of vision, and you followed the wall to the right with your hand, past the curtain, and you could feel an immediate change in temperature in the room.

You were much warmer now, hyper-aware of the fact that you were sharing body-heat with whoever the staff matched you with. You had to relay it in your head a few times what this actually meant for you. It meant that the stranger in this room with you was going to get to know you quite intimately in a pretty short amount of time.

This made you think a moment or two about the other party in this situation: The Stranger. What was his story? Was he dared to jump in line by his buddies to get some action? Maybe his story is that he just wanted to have his first kiss to get it just done and over with, or maybe he, like yourself, was just doing it for the Hell of it.

Whatever the reason, you felt you owed it to them to give them a decent snogging.

Your hand continued to drift along the wall before your thumb bumped into another hand. You gasped quietly, knowing you were close to the stranger, just not exactly sure of where abouts until now.

You lifted your hand off the wall at the same time as him, and as to not lose you, he made sure to reach out and take your hand in his gently, seeming more like an offer than a demand, which you took, admittedly rather nervously, especially when his other hand reached out to grab the other hand at your side.

Something was just so thrilling picturing so many renditions of handsome young men in your head, mixing and matching what he looked like based on what you could feel. His hands were larger than yours, and his fingers were calloused.

He played guitar, or bass, or something, and you knew this because John played, and you remember him telling you once that the strings were really hard on the hands, and you could just tell by looking at his hands that he wasn't joking.

You just thought the feeling was such a contrast against your own hands, which were soft and untouched, and you were sure with the way this guy was running his thumbs over your palms, and the pads of your fingers, he was admiring the contrast as well.

You almost wanted to say something to him about it, but he had you stuck in a trance, especially when he let your hands go for a moment to gently feel up your arms for your shoulders. You tried your best not to be too reactive, but you couldn't help the goosebumps trailing after his touch.

His hands moved up, and you felt his fingertips graze the crooks of your neck and then up under your jaw.

Neither of you spoke, this moment too intimate for the silence to break. You and he breathed so shallow, it was hard to even believe there was someone in the room with you.

But there was, and his fingers traced your jawline slowly, one hand deviating up to cradle the back of your head while the other gently traced around your chin.

Your lips parted, your own hands reaching out for his waist so you had some idea of where he was in front of you. Your fingers found his jacket, and as you tightened your hands around the leather, you felt him move a little closer as his thumb finally found its way to your bottom lip.

You felt his breath on your face, and you held your own, squeezing your eyes shut when you realized they had been wide open the whole time.

And finally, after what seemed like too long, his thumb disappeared and he replaced it with his own lips.

The kiss was soft, and not pushy at all, but you were tense like a rock under his touch from how nervous you actually were, and you just kept still.

He pulled away for a moment, and you could feel your face burning. That was not the kind of note you were going to leave on. Whoever this was, he had clearly gotten your attention, and you needed to return the favour.

Your one hand moved up his chest, over his collarbone and around his neck to pull him back down towards you. Your lips came together again, and you felt him melt into your embrace after an unsure second, hands dropping down to snake around your waist and pull you flush against him.

You sighed against his mouth, and he pushed his tongue past your lips, all of your past worries melting away. You were in heaven, so drunk on intimacy that you forgot what you were even doing in there in the first place. You tried pulling him even closer by the jacket, to which he responded by slowly backing you against the wall, one of his hands dropping to your hip, and the other returning to the back of your head like before.

Your hand behind his neck slipped up into his hair, and he moaned gently when you tightened your fingers up in the strands and pulled a little.

"Yes, Baby..." the words tumbled from his mouth lowly, and you felt a chill shoot right up your spine; you immediately froze up, lips separating as the realization hit you. You felt like you were going to faint.

"John?!" Your question was short, but clear, and you felt your suspicions were all too correct when you felt all of his muscles tense up as well at the sound of your voice.

"...Y/n?!" His voice cracked, body frozen in place like a statue. As were you, grip still tight in his hair and on his jacket.

You were speechless-- you couldn't believe the one you just spent the last minute and a half or so with-- the one with whom you spent the most intimate experience in your entire life-- was John.

The gentle touching, the embracing of the heavy silence, the patient behaviour, the soft kissing, the respect of your boundaries, and the feeling of wanting more-- it was all John.

This was the first time in your life you had ever experienced John in a situation where he didn't have the words he needed to speak at his disposal.

But to be fair, neither did you. What would anyone do in a situation like this?

It became all the more real for the both of you a moment later when the doors opened up, the lights around the rocket ship lighting John's face for you to see, and your face for him. You both sported embarrassing shades of red on your cheeks, and John's mouth just hung open in perpetual shock as he took in the fact that it was you.

After a second, you both came back down to earth, and your hands came zipping off each other so fast, John scratching his head nervously and giving you space from the wall, and you folding your arms over your chest and gripping your biceps tightly with your fingers.

You couldn't even look John in the eye, nor could he with you, let alone speak. You walked out the door, John at your side. The Match Girl waited by the bottom of the ramp, grinning ear-to-ear. If only she'd known.

"Pretty good-looking, huh?" She nudged to you with a wink, and you could feel your face grow hotter as you glanced over to John. You made brief eye-contact, and you cast your eyes straight to the ground when it happened.

You were thinking things about John you never would have before had it not been for that stupid snog box.

"Yes," was all you could say, nodding for the most part and squeaking out a soft thank you to her before you turned on your heel, and beelined straight for the women's room, rushing out to John that you were running to the loo without looking back at him.

You were too focused on finding some cold water to splash in your face, and a quiet space to figure out what to do in this situation; the lights and sounds had your head just spinning, and it was too difficult to concentrate.

The women's room was quiet enough, and when you felt you'd splashed enough water in your face, you went and sat in one of the stalls for a while to break down the situation that just happened, and what you were going to do to fix it.

John was your friend. There was no way you were going to let something like this drive a wedge between you, especially if you just had to explain yourselves. You had your reasons going in there, as did he.

You were just hoping this could be something you could both look back on in the future and laugh.

You took a few sobering deep breaths before leaving the women's room. You rounded the corner, not quite sure where to begin looking for John, but you found you didn't have to go far when a rather familiar set of fingers took hold of your own as soon as you stopped.

You glanced over your shoulder and there he was. He'd been waiting for you the whole time.

And now he was holding your hand.

That's new.

"... Can we talk?" you spoke simultaneously, and you both smiled a little. John still couldn't seem to hold your gaze for too long without needing to tear his eyes away and resort to looking at his shoes, yet he still held a firm grip on your hand.

You'd never seen him like this before. It was sobering to see him without so much confidence.

"Where did you wanna talk? Nowhere's really private here."

"... Did you just wanna get outta here?" As soon as the words left his mouth, your shoulders lowered in relief. You both definitely had enough excitement for the night, and when you nodded your head sheepishly, John gave your hand a little squeeze, gestured you to come with him with his head, and you both headed for the Fair exit.

Your stroll down the town streets were quiet. Nothing was said between you two for the first little while, your strides were slow, your destination was unknown, and your hands were still clasped together. You took in the night air, for the sun had dropped below the horizon while you were in the spaceship, and the temperatures were lower.

You weren't too sure yet how John felt about all of that night's events so far, and what he thought of you. Clearly, based on the fact that his hand was still in yours, some opinion of his had changed.

Was he comfortable holding your hand now knowing it was you who shared such an intimate moment with him? Or was he maybe wanting to break off this friendship with you all because of tonight, and hand-holding was the only way he could think to comfort you?

At one point, John's fingers unraveled from yours, and you both slowed to a stop. He shrugged off his jacket and wordlessly draped it over your shoulders before you pushed your arms up into the sleeves. John tried looking you in the eye again, and he swallowed nervously, face going red yet again.

"John, we need to talk about what happened."

"I know."

You took his hand this time, and guided him to the curb, sitting down together. Your fingers left his, and you both planted your hands at the curb at your sides.

There was silence for a moment as the memories of what happened back at the Fair resurfaced in your minds, what you were both feeling for each other, physically and emotionally, in your literal moments of blissful ignorance...

"Okay. I'm just going to put this out there right now. John, I had absolutely no idea that they matched me with you, or that you were even in line, for that matter." You sighed before continuing on, feeling the creep of warmth washing over your face yet again.

"I jumped in line impulsively when you left because I figured if you came back and you saw me leaving the rocket with a guy, I could prove to you tonight that I can be just as spontaneous and daring and fun as you."

You could see the gears turning in John's head when you finished saying your part, and after a second of putting the pieces together, his eyes widened, and then this wide smile spread right across his face, and, to your utter relief, he started laughing.

And it sounded so different compared to all of the other times he laughed around you. You couldn't quite place exactly what was different this time, but you found it to be more melodic than usual; more genuine. It was like music to your ears.

"I uh, I jumped in line for kind of the same reason." You raised a confused eyebrow, so John elaborated a little more, smile faltering a little as he cleared things up.

"Let me explain; If you saw me leaving the rocket with a girl, I was hoping I could convince you to do something tonight a little out of your comfort zone, like I did with that."

There was your Pièce De Résistance: John's reason for being in there all along was to teach you to live a little. And you were simply in there to live.

"Not that I wanted to see you specifically go through with the spaceship and getting felt up the wrong way, per se, but I just..."

John's words trailed off, and you could tell he was struggling to find words again. So, he decided to take this conversation in another direction.

"Okay, look, y/n, I don't want you to be under the impression that I think you're no fun. It's just not true. I adore you. There's just something about seeing you at the peak of excitement that makes me feel warm inside, like a child. I see this in moments you doubt yourself, but you still take that chance and you come out successful in the end, shining with confidence. I wanted to see you tonight with that same glow. And I would have if I hadn't have made fun in the first place that you were such a bore, so I'm sorry."

John dropped his head down after he finished speaking, and you looked at him for a moment, blinking once before reaching out to rub his back.

"Johnny, there is nothing to be sorry about." He turned his gaze to look at you, and you took some long pauses between your sentences. John was patient, eyes watching your face, and hanging onto every word you said.

"Of all the people I could have ended up with in that rocket tonight, I don't think you have any idea just how grateful I am that it was you in there with me, and not some stranger."

You didn't think you could keep it inside forever just what you thought about John's kissing, but you didn't think you'd give up fifteen minutes after the situation, either.

"John, I've kissed boys before, that's no secret between us; but what is is that I've never kissed a boy the way I kissed you tonight, and the attention you were giving back to me, I thought I nearly fell for you in there, and I had no clue it was even you," you laughed a little, the words feeling funny in your mouth, especially when they were for John's ears, only. Those words elicited red faces from the both of you.

"... I never thought I'd ever be nervous looking you in the eye, but to be quite honest, all that comes to mind when I see your face right now is the bubbling of excitement in my chest, and the feel of my legs going wobbly. God, John, would I be crazy to say I want you to kiss me like that all over again?"

You figured if you didn't throw the opportunity out there, you just might lose the chance to experience what you felt again, even if it meant just one last time in your life. But when John remained silent for longer than you hoped, your confidence began to falter. Perhaps John wasn't so comfortable with you anymore.

"... Would I be crazy?" You asked again, this time just above a whisper. John was the kind of person you expected to laugh something like this off. Perhaps he'd tease you for a moment, but ultimately tell you it was no big deal before gently rejecting you.

Instead, his silence indicated something much different. His eyes darted to your lips for a moment, a hand reaching up to hold the back of your head gently as he glanced up into your eyes.

"Love, if you think you're crazy for thinking that, then what I'm thinking must make me completely mad."

Your heart pounded against your ribcage, and John decided not to waste any more time in reconnecting your lips.

At first it was a little strange, his mouth on yours, but it wasn't in any way unpleasant. You found yourself, before long, snaking your arms around John's shoulders as you pulled him ever closer, your chests now flush as he tilted his head to the side to deepen the kiss. You hummed at the contact, but John had to pull away soon after to catch a breath, but he kept your chests flush so he could feel your heartbeat.

The contrast of kissing him knowing full well who he was still didn't change the respect in his movements, and the gentleness of his kisses.

When your eyes met again, you couldn't help but smile nervously at him, biting down on your lip as you noticed his cheeks glowed pink.

"Wow," you sighed.

"I'll say," he responded, one corner of his mouth twitching up into a smirk as the pad of his thumb drew invisible patterns from your cheekbone down your jaw.

That's when your smile began to fall slowly, and John noticed this as he was going to dive in for another kiss.

"What's the matter, Love?"

"... I think I like this too much. I think I like you too much," you said bluntly. The more you and John indulged in what you both physically wanted, the more you realized what you were putting on the line.

"... And is that a problem?" John asked you gently, and you raised your eyebrow, pulling away a little more from the embrace.

"It's a problem because this puts our friendship at risk, John. Every time our lips touch, the harder it is to look at you platonically."

"Then don't look at me platonically anymore," His suggestion was so effortless as you felt his other hand reach up to play with your hair.

"... I never expected tonight to go the way it did. But y/n, the more I think about a situation where it was anyone but me in that rocket with you, the more jealous I'm becoming... The more grateful I am that it was me, too."

John took another moment to bask in the silence before clearing his throat, and looking you right in the eyes.

"My eyes are wider than they've ever been before, and my mind is so clear. Why don't we try dating?" He suggested after a moment of deciding whether to ask in the first place.

"Dating?!" You paused. "John, if anything were to happen to what we have..."

"I know you're scared, y/n. So am I. But... I also believe this can be the beginning of something really great."

John let the hand in your hair drop to his shoulder where one of your hands rested. He gave your fingers a squeeze before he raised your hand to his lips to kiss your knuckles.

"We already kind of go on dates, and now that kissing and hand holding is on the list of things we're comfortable with, we might as well just put a label on it."

John paused for a moment. "It's not like we have to scream it from the rooftops unless you wanted to. But... after tonight, it would be a treat to be able to walk around with my arm 'round your waist and proudly announce to the world that you're mine."

That comment of his made you bite back a toothy grin, but your red face really emphasized how his words made you feel. You were expecting a teasing jab from John, but, surprisingly, nothing came. Just hopeful eyes awaiting your response.

"If you're so confident we'll flourish romantically... then I'm with you, Johnny. We'll give it a go. But under one condition!"

John looked at you expectantly.

"You win me that damned stuffed animal tomorrow night, Lenny."

Now it was John's turn to grin, his arms curling around your body and pulling you into a warm embrace as he mumbled "deal" into your ear.

You were once again surrounded by leather, the crisp night air, the single dim beam of light from the streetlamp, and the faintest scent of whatever John's body wash was.

But most of all, you we're surrounded by young love.

You finally supposed that by the end of the night, you did end up leaving with a boyfriend, and telling John that you told him so.

You just had no clue you could kill two birds with one stone the way you had.

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A/A/N: I really hope you guys enjoyed this! I've had it in the works for LITERALLY four years now, and I am just SO glad it can be out in the world now.

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[wooimbouttamakeanameformyself]

Okay listen hoes.

I’ve been surfing these anti Danneel, anti Jenneel, anti this and anti that tags for like… over a year. I’ve always been watching from the sidelines with my lil bag of popcorn, given an anon ask every now and again to other blogs, but never bothered to make a post about it. Because I didn’t think it was relevant, correction, I didn’t think Elta was relevant enough to make a venting post about — which is why I’m baffled as to why she even has stans — but also I just figured in the long run, none of our speculations, opinions or posts about this lady mean anything to anyone.

Actually, I may be incorrect there, as the AA’s may butcher me, or worse… Danneel may get Cliff to make another post… sheesh!

But anyway, seeing this latest Wales con, I got a real bad case of FOMO and decided I wanna bitch on tumblr as well (no hate to the bitches, I love scrolling through everyone bitching about the ‘perfect’ couple)

Here’s my take on everything, even tho no one asked:

Yes, it is painfully, horribly, excruciatingly obvious that those two don’t even like each other let alone love each other.

But I’ve seen some people and blogs talk about Danneel physically abuse Jensen, which I just don’t personally believe — each to their own opinion, though — but I just personally haven’t seen any evidence or receipts of that being true. Emotional abuse, yes, verbal abuse, definitely. But physical is something I ain’t gonna say I think is happening.

Danneel’s a bitch, as we all know, as the stans like to pretend isn’t true. But I really don’t think Jensen’s a saint or a victim — and I say he isn’t a victim only because in the end, looking over the financial consequences and the custody of the kids thing that would come with a divorce, she has little hold over him. He has the fame, the money, and what do you wanna bet that all of the Elta followers would do a 180 on their ‘Kween’ if Jensen ever spoke up about anything? And by no means am I suggesting that men can’t be victims before anyone jumps down my throat, I’m just saying that Jensen has the capability to fight back to her or leave her if he wanted to.

But he won’t, because — and I’m bracing myself for the hate I’ll get for this — he’s also kind of a narcissist and a liar!!! 😱😱😱 surprised I’m still writing and wasn’t just assassinated on the spot for saying that lols! Dare I say… he’s just as bad as Danneel in some aspects? That he has pretty privilege? Though not so much anymore since he and Danneel have clearly started doing couples Botox sessions. Wooof I’m really pushing my luck.

Trailed off a lil there, but what I was supposed to say is that he won’t because he’s embedded some kind of belief into his mind that his career will crash and burn if he doesn’t have his perfect ‘family man’ image. Even though let’s be honest about two things, your marriage is probably doing more harm than good to your image, and buddy, you’re a c-list actor who’s acting range is zero to none — I mean, he couldn’t stand playing anyone other than Dean Winchester that he tried, and failed, to make a spin off of Supernatural just so he got to play a brooding, macho hunter again. Though look how that turned out — your career isn’t some sacred artefact that can’t dare even be scratched, all he does these days is make money from cons, and a very occasional cameo playing as Dean in a different font. I’m worried the dude has Foreign Accent Syndrome but with Dean Winchester — as in he’s done it for that long that its irreversibly in his consciousness, to the point Danneel has to tell him to stop being Dean at home (sure she got a dig out of him mentioning that in the panel)

But I’m trying to focus talking about this con so far — even though I’ve trailed off multiple times already — first of all, ignoring the fact it’s insane that Danneel’s even at a Suoernatural con when her character (which was a nepotism role) wasn’t even in a full season, served no purpose, wasn’t even a likeable character — unless you like vapid, vain, and poorly portrayed characters — and added nothing to the storyline. And yet she gets treated like she’s a main cast member? Half of Dean’s flings who were in half an episode served more to the plot that Anael did in the whole five episodes she was on the show! And it pissed me off that Danneel’s getting the sort of treatment of main cast when Gen’s character was actually important to the plot, yet she wasn’t at the con. Not that I think Gen’s that bothered, which shows the difference between her and Danneel.

And apparently she auditioned for every single female role??? HUH?? Are we talking about the same Ms Gurl who made fun of Supernatural in the earlier seasons, claimed to not wanting to interfere as it was Jensen’s thing, demeaned and made fun of fans on twitter, criticised her own husband’s role and showed doubt of the series duration??? Make it make sense.

I’m kind of relieved Jensen hasn’t shared any of his made up domestic stories of them, to try and make it seem like they can even stand each other, although it would’ve been interesting to see him talk about it with Danneel there — just to see her reaction, cause I’m certain Jensen just makes up these stories as he goes along. But I guess my guy couldn’t even manage that, probably not after how much Elta knocked him down in front of everyone — she barely did anything else other than make jabs at him the whole time. Surprised my girl didn’t go blue from all the snarky remarks she was making.

Oh wait, it’s ‘sarcasm’, right? Silly me, I forgot that ‘that’s how they are with each other’ 😐😐😐 even AA’s have spoke up about her behaviour in this con — shows how much effort those two are bothering putting in to keep up the image. But hey, I’m proud that some of the delusional Jenneel shippers have developed a frontal lobe, probably because their self-insert isn’t doing what they want her to be doing!

Anyway that’s all from me, my thumbs hurt, can’t believe I wrote so much. Free will is a crazy thing. Excited to see what kind of hate I get from this ✌️😝

This ain’t grammar checked before anyone bullies me.

[harmless-pest]

((HEY TURNS OUT I LIED AGAIN

I thought i didn't write down any of my plans for this blog, but it seems like I did? so here's some character bios I wrote and the synopsis of what was gonna happen in epilogue (unfortunately without visual direction)

The following content was written in 2017, only meant to be read by myself and is mostly unedited

LORE

The underground is going empty. Slowly. Mostly he stays at charas grave, bc he's a fukkin flower and would die without sunlight. The only other place with light is the palace and there's too much traffic there in and out of the underground. He wants to avoid people after what he did. Not that anyone remembers any of it, resets or the god thing (it was kinda cool he doesn't super regret that. More later) but he feels like. Bad about it and doesn't know how to deal with THAT baloney. he'll still go out every now and then though to see the state of the UG, explore abandoned places, hear word of the surface from locals who decided it wasn't for them or just came back to visit. None of them know who he is, but some are familiar with a weird flower they've seen popping out of the ground and suddenly disappearing. He absolutely idolizes frisk for saving the underground, doing what he and chara never could. But after a while alone with himself he realizes that frisk just coincidentally came at the right time. First he idolized chara, then frisk, and then he realized HE was the one who became a GOD and broke the barrier himself and sure frisk helped but he could have done it on his own! He's charismatic enough! Who needs frisk, they aren't even that great or cool! They had the power to reset and didn't even do anything cool with it! They went around one whole time and that was it, they weren't even interested in the experimentation and mind games... He gets very lonely without frisk. He only knew them for a day but they were kind and forgiving to him unlike anyone else has ever been. He misses them. Sometimes frisk will come back to visit but he'll hide in the other buttercups, ashamed he's a flower again and afraid to talk to them. He's fuckin constantly monologuing he's so lonely. Without someone to cut him off he just keeeeeeps gooooooing He kidnaps absolutely everyones mannerisms and gets so mad if you point it out He's been around for 2-3 months in reality, which is a fuckton of time for resetting esp compared to frisks single day. He had to get real bored to stop for so long and let it all play out. He's just glad he chose to stop on a timeline where everyone was relatively happy so they could all be saved. Where is chara? He doesn't know. He still misses them but he doesn't care much to see them again anymore. Chara wasn't that great, but they also weren't that bad. They were his best friend and he idolized them. Chara was sure they were the angel sent to free the underground and he believed them. He hates what happened but he doesn't blame chara for it. For a minute when he 180s on them he does! But he's just angry and the more he thinks about it he can't stay mad. They were just kids. They didn't know. this is what they get. He doesn't care for humans one bit. He's only met 2 and the rest tried to kill him on sight. As a whole he doesn't hate all humans, but he certainly doesn't trust any of them. He was once obsessed with humans, its kind of like having your favorite celebrity be a jerk but worse. Part of the reason he stays underground is to avoid them, but touristy humans go down there sometimes so it doesn't always work. Many times when he goes to ask how the surface is, its to affirm his beliefs about humans. And often the bias in the underground is on his side. Grillbys is still open down there so he mostly goes there for Intel.

The vague amount of time it’s been since chara and asriel died is fairly short. Short enough for chara to know snowdrake, short enough for chara to have instigated the gyftrot thing and introduced the underground to christmas

THE GREAT ANALYSIS OF FLOWEY

Primary motivations: fear of death, fear of loneliness. Fear of death trumps all, as being with friends puts him on the surface where theres too many people and things that have killed him before.

He’s dependent, picks a favorite person and latches on. Personality is largely a construct of traits he pulled from others. 

He’s self-obsessed in that he’s constantly analyzing his own behavior and thinking about what he’s doing. May be an asriel trait refined by ages of carefully shaping himself to behave in certain ways at certain times. He’s not actually that snappy and quick to anger? At least not normally. He’s in a bad mood lately but when he wants to, he can stay perfectly composed. The threats are just a mechanism to get others to fuck off.

He’s an open book who will keep going on about himself if prompted, and if he’s not trying to hide something from a specific person. Exacerbated by the fact that he’s been talking to himself for so long.

Nasty cognitive dissonance. He will carefully look at all potential issues and outcomes but will find excuses and land on the one that benefits himself/his desires. (ie, he wont admit it but he knows theres nothing really keeping him away from frisk)

He’s been living a long time “without consequences” yeah but he’s extremely critically aware of all consequences. Every action he takes is calculated, he’s just roleplaying 100% of the time. Now that he can’t reset, there are consequences, so he’s very afraid of doing things and fucking up. Part of the reason why he doesnt want to see frisk is because he can’t believe they like him and he thinks that if they learn more about him, they’ll stop. He doesnt know they know everything about him. Frisk is his special person, he cant stand to lose them.

A lot of this is devoted to him figuring out who he is as a person

Doesn’t care for life but fears death because he doesn’t know what’s going to happen without a soul: he fears the unknown

Has the patience of a god but he doesn’t like puzzles that much? He wants the story not the challenge, whereas chara and frisk enjoy the challenge (puzzle enjoyment goes chara>frisk>flowey). Like me, he’ll do the same thing over and over again for hours until it works, but if he gets stuck at a puzzle for more than 30 minutes he’s gotta leave for a while out of frustration. That isn’t to say he’s bad at puzzles, in fact spending so much time with papyrus has made him pretty good at them! At least in theory.

On the surface he has fucking AWFUL crippling panic attacks and he finds it hard to do anything or go anywhere, at least without frisk. 100% dependency and he hates it

First reaction when people do things for him is “no this is bad and I hate it” even if he likes it actually. He doesn't realize he does it until its too late and he's too stubborn to admit anything after the fact. Its a defense mechanism after being taken advantage of, developed because he's so complacent and fine with anything

Unrealistically high and vague expectations placed on him all his life (ur gonna do something big, ur gonna change the world, etc)

His feelings toward Frisk

Theyre his favorite person right now, he’s obsessed with them and loves everything they do. This will wear off and he’ll resent them for a while until he manages to get over it and stop idolizing them. The spite could come out of them having “moral highground” and gently scolding him over little things that add up over time, out of them taking care of themselves poorly because they prioritize others, and by the fact that they’re just as bad as he is as it turns out. He’s afraid theyll stop loving him since he can’t love them. Hes fairly candid about how he cant love them, even asking them if theyre aware he’s just using them for attention and being a leech. What he doesnt know is that frisk is using him as well to stop chara, so once he finds out about that there will probably be some kind of relief.

His feelings toward Chara

They were always the right one, the smart one, as much as he loved them and was fascinated by them and loved to learn things from them, he really hated that part of them deep down though he never snapped and shared it. In the future he will since he’s less tolerant.

His feelings towards the relationship those two have

He’s jealous that they’re so close and know so much about each other. They’re really closer than any two people ever could be since they’ve shared a body for so long. There’s also such a strange mix of love and hate between them that he really can’t read their relationship. He resents the idea of being the third wheel so deeply and he’s particularly spiteful of chara for this since he loves frisk.

His FEELINGS

He super do have them, eh?? He super is actually just very traumatized and lonely and confused eh?? Almost as if he absolutely can and does still love everyone, he’s just detached himself from it. Something very easy to do.

HOW THE FRISK BE

They’re kind of a little bitch and a goth. Rebellious teen days now!! They’re hard to read which can either work for or against them. They don’t really give a shit in a large part about much of anything, especially not now when they’re very concerned with themselves and their problems. They don’t get along with humans or much of anyone their own age for this reason.

Resetting was largely on their hands and they got pretty fucked up by it. Chara did encourage them to do some shit, it wasnt helped that flowey who had forgotten about them was encouraging them too. It was just a bunch of irresponsible kids playing games with peoples lives. There’s also a touch of frisk getting to points on the surface where things are new and changing which scares them into resetting for fear of the unknown future. 

Frisk thought everything was fine until they got to the end of all the genocide stuff, that’s when chara lost it. In the whole “you think theres no consequences for this shit u pulled” manner and tried to hold frisk to it. It was a 2 souls one body case where they shared equal control, this was the first time neither cooperated. Frisk wasnt immediately freaked out by chara, they’re both friends and frisk knew they were a weirdo. Frisk gave in and “sold their soul” so chara would let them do anything other than sit around in an empty void. Chara played the next game like their regular old friend. Then they killed everyone. That’s when frisk freaked out and realized their friend had lost it. When frisk learned to regret what they did. They reset to a world where their friends could be alive again and fought their hardest, but Chara still had their way. This timeline, Frisk went out of their way immediately to get any kind of protection from chara. All kinds of supernatural charms and tricks to keep ghosts at bay. As a result, it’s been a while since they saw chara. And they miss chara a lot. But they know that chara watches them and is waiting for the moment when frisk lets their guard down. 

Frisk pushes so hard to get flowey to come home with them because they know he’s asriel and they know he knows chara. Maybe he’ll know a way to talk some sense into them. And after everything they did, frisk feels betrayed by chara and can’t call them their best friend. Floweys the only person they know wouldn’t do that, he’s faithful to the end.

Frisk is a fixer though, they still love everyone despite what they did and feel genuinely sorry for the way they fucked up. Including chara after all theyve done. It breaks their heart that they can’t play with chara anymore

When frisk finally explains all of this to flowey, chara’s sitting there busting in loudly at every chance and every disagreement like the fucker they are and flowey’s doing everything in his power to tune them out and just watch frisk’s hands

Backstory and reasons why they climbed the mountain are unknown. They will not under any circumstances talk about their old life, which concerns some people, but prying accomplishes nothing. They try to act as though nothing bad ever happened to them to make them want to climb a mountain no one ever returns from, because life is good now and they’ve got loving friends and family. Even other humans who knew Frisk before don’t know much about them since they never really spoke. For Frisk, pretending it never happened is as good as it never happening, at least so they try to think. But they’ll have some triggers, just need to figure out what.

Frisk talks in their sleep, however it’s only very quiet nonsense gibberish. This shocks flowey, as he didn’t think they were capable of talking at all. It makes him more curious about their past too.

THE CHARA SITUATION

Are they soulless? It’s hard to say since really theyre nothing but a soul, just fractured all to hell and lingering long after they should. I still like the idea of their soul being a little infused with bits form asriels soul too

Before the underground, they were the youngest of a large family that mistreated them. They went underground after the death of their mother. In the underground they were best friends and great siblings with asriel. They hung out with kids they shouldnt have though. They werent treated super great underground either, as a human. They and asriel both got up to shit they shouldnt have.

HOW MUCH DOES EVERYONE KNOW ABOUT FRISK AND FLOWEY

Sans: Frisk assumed he knew everything already so they told him that they and flowey could reset. Didn’t tell him that they’ve killed everyone multiple times

Papyrus, Undyne, toriel, asgore: Doesn’t know

Alphys: let in a little on the reset business

The next section of the document covers the meetings, which were all made into finished comics, and therefore will be skipped.

SURFACE

(note from present Stem: this is all way more uncooked and hard to read than i thought it might be)

Flowey has nightmares that charas coming to kill him. Notably one comic where chara in shadow approaches and then it’s revealed as frisk

The inciting action

Kids make fun of Frisk for being “dumb” and flowey for being a flower and never wanting to be outside (he needs a roof over his head). At one point he snaps back a little too much and loses it a little. Frisk, as a result, tries to stuff him in their bag but this doesn’t calm him down. He blows up the backpack with magic and hurts a bunch of kids in the crossfire, including frisk

Toriel

She walks into the room where flowey is. They say hi to each other. Then she asks if he's feeling well. He's confused, but says he's fine. She says that's good. Then she says he's been behaving strangely lately. Floweys upset by this. “Did my acting get worse or can you see straight through me?” she giggles, “I think its your acting, dear.” she asks him what's wrong, if he's not happy on the surface. He says no, he's happy and he never wants to go away again. He decides that he’s comfortable enough with toriel to tell her this, she was once his mom after all, and in a way she is again. He's confused. He doesnt know what to do while frisk is away at school, since he can't join them after he had a weird episode and threatened other kids. He can play with papyrus and that's fun, but he doesnt really want to do that. He doesnt want to leave or go anywhere without frisk really. Toriel asks if that's why he's confined himself to this little pot. He doesn't really know, and he doesn't want to admit being scared. Toriel catches on though. She sees that he really is just a regular kid in there, and a kid at that since its hard to tell with him being a flower, and hes scared of this big world. The underground has always been the same, small and hardly changing even after all the years since they were trapped down there. By contrast the surface is huge and full of new people and everything changes all the time, and it’s scary. By now she's caught on that he has issues with humans. She says that he can trust anyone in this house, but she understands if frisk is the only one he can really count on. He finally cracks. He admits that hes afraid of frisk getting sick of him since he's such a pathetic mess like this and can't do anything about it. Toriel tells him that frisk never would. They love him too much. But if he's still that afraid, then he needs to try and be better eventually. Sitting around in that pot all day waiting for frisk to come back won't do it.

Alphys

Frisk finally breaks because flowey is being so insufferable and snaps at him. They both feel extremely bad, so toriel says that flowey needs to stay somewhere else for a while (because he won’t get along with anyone else in the house lately so sending frisk away is silly). Flowey hesitantly agrees to it and requests to stay with alphys and undyne. Which means i finally have to try writing for undyne lol. He probably hung out with undyne during frisk’s gym classes since he can’t exactly exercise as a flower. But he can’t go to work with her because he isn’t allowed at the school, so if he goes to work with anyone, it’s with alphys. She might take some time off for his sake too because she wants to get to know him and while she doesn’t fully understand why he’d go out of his way to choose her to stay with, she appreciates it. They watch some anime and al finally gets a chance to pry at him scientifically with a lot of question asking. He holds back on life questions except for ones that pertain only to this timeline and are least incriminating. Watching anime on netflix one night while the autoplay is loading he suddenly says he’s asriel. Alphys chokes on her popcorn or something and jumps to stop the autoplay like “what did you just say?!” “Don’t tell toriel. Or asgore. Please. don’t tell anyone.” ‘i won’t! I promise i won’t say anything to anyone!b-b-but did you really say youre--” “prince asriel. The one who absorbed the soul of the first human to fall underground and got killed on the surface” “b-b-b-b-b-but h-how is that possible?? Y-y-y-you don’t… you d-don’t have a s-soul, i-if you were--” “the flowers in asgore’s garden were growing out of my dust. That determination brought me back to consciousness.” “o-o-oh my g-g-god, I-i…” he finally looks up at her in the eye “alphys, you’re going to take this really badly. I’m gonna tell you everything. If you’re ready. I’m warning you now because this is going to get…. Really… really dark. And it’s going to make you feel awful. But you at least deserve to know. If you aren’t ready, I’ll stop. But there’s no promise I’ll ever be willing to say this all again.” alphys centers herself and turns to face him “i’m ready”

CHARA the first time they see chara again is shortly after frisk takes him home when chara possesses frisk and stumbles out of bed in the middle of the night. 

he catches them and theyre like “so at long last you caught on to me” 

f: “get out of frisk’s body” 

c: “what makes you think I’m not frisk?” 

f: “they don’t talk like that. no one’s as bad at roleplaying as you are, chara.” 

c*leaves frisk’s body*: “Why that tone, asriel? Are you not surprised to see me? I will admit, I did not think you would take this long to figure it out.” 

f: “I had my suspicions the whole time but you were always pretty well hidden.” 

c:”hm,,, that doesn’t sound right… oh… Oh! You let yourself forget!” 

f:”What are you talking about? why are you possessing frisk’s body” 

c:”Frisk never told you? Our sweet savior of monsterkind has been bad. they reset and reset and reset until they destroyed the entire world and I was happy to let them live in the void they created, the hard earned fruits of their labor, but they would not accept it. So they sold their soul to me in order to reset once again. They tried to fix all their mistakes and make the world as if they had never done any wrong. They have forgotten that their actions have consequences, so I am here to remind them.” 

f: “chara- chara. Chara. They sold their SOUL to you?” 

c: “yes they-” 

f:”did they sign a contract for it?” 

c:”A contract? What? No, of course not. I am a ghost, I don’t have paper-” 

f:”then it’s not legally binding” 

c: “what?” f:”it’s not legally binding! You can’t just take people’s souls, chara!” 

c:” Yes I can! I can? And I did.” 

f:”you’re being ridiculous! Give frisk their soul back and leave them alone!!” 

c:”no! ugh… we will continue this later” and then they leave

--- c: frisk has taken to wearing special charms and making all kinds of wards to keep me away. I don’t think they trust me anymore f: i wonder why

--- f: frisk taught me that anyone can be a better person if they just try, so I’m trying. They want to try too! c: frisk also went about systematically murdering every last one of their friends immediately after that f: chara. ohmygod.

--- c: I’m not going to swear. it’s rude and unintelligent f: it’s more fun tho

Chara makes mention of things they and flowey did in past timelines that were so fun and he can’t remember them, it makes him feel left out

Frisk’s room is covered head to toe in objects and symbols that ward off ghosts and evil spirits. They wear crosses and gemstone rings, they have objects scattered around their room and steal spices from the kitchen that supposedly help, and a circle of salt around their bed. Chara comments later that a lot of the things are meant to keep evil spirits away and therefore don’t actually do anything to them. No one really knows what to say to that

Flowey to frisk after he discovers they were just using him: so i guess… we’re even?  You were no better than me all along?

Frisk shrugs

“But um… i was using you because you loved me. So.. do you really…?”

Frisk frantically shakes their hands and waves their arms to tell him no, then scoops him up in a tight hug

--

Frisk laying in bed after a bad day

“Aw, is someone grumpy because they have too many friends?”

Frisk pushes his pot off the bed to crash down onto the floor while flowey snickers

Frisk has gotten in trouble for texting flowey during class so they have to put their phone away now

*insert some kind of normal convo. Then: frisk. Frisk reply. Reply. Reply. Reply. Reply. (cont.) all with very close together timestamps*

Frisk hours later: <3

*conversation continues as normal*

TO GET BODIES BACK

chara keeps possessing frisk and it drives flowey and frisk up a wall bc they can barely do anything about it other than by being constantly vigilant. theyre both exhausted and sick of it since charas spectral and doesnt run out of energy. and theyre so obnoxious. they go to alphys for help since she knows how to bond souls to things. she asks them why they dont like call an exorcist or something and flowey and frisk both hesitate before admitting they both love chara too much despite how shitty they are. alphys tells them that chara has to accept the body in order to bond to it, and everyone agrees it’s unlikely that they’ll go for anything unlike their actual human body. alphys says she may know something they can do, she just has to call a friend first. she gets on the phone with a mysterious human who they can’t hear on the other side. actually she might give her opener over text and then immediately get a phonecall in response. she opens by bringing up their interest in necromancy, says that she has a ghost, no not a monster ghost, a human ghost, then has to hold the phone back bc they’re screaming on the other side. she calms them down and starts asking about any ways they can think of making a body for someone. she might just tell the two to take off and give them a thumbs up, she’ll text them later. alphys finally gets back to them and tells them they might be able to build a type of hybrid human-monster body for chara, but they need their buried remains and powerful magic in order to do so, and it only makes sense that it be the magic of their parents used to resurrect them. she might sprinkle in that if this works, flowey might be able to get his asriel body back too. of course, nothing is possible if they can’t get chara to agree to all of it. and of course they don’t. their lack of body is punishment, appropriately earned. for them and flowey both. they can’t go back to their bodies just as they cannot undo the wrongs they have done. they cannot escape the consequences of their actions. it would be great if chara said “thats a funny trick to play on god!” flowey tells them that this isn’t some kind of fucked up divine punishment. what they did wasn’t so bad to warrant this. if anything, taking these forms has made them both WORSE. if it were supposed to be punishment they wouldn’t have these chances to get out. he was punishing himself for so long and it didn’t make any difference, but accepting everyone’s help and trying to do better with them DID help him. doesn’t chara want a body back? don’t they miss the ability to feel… anything? don’t they want to live the life they never got a chance to have? chara goes quiet for the first time in their life and undeath. then they agree to it. after that, the three of them go to asgore and toriel to finally break the news that their dead kids are still here. chara doesn’t show themselves, but the point still gets across. they agree to it wholeheartedly and without hesitation the next step is to prepare chara’s body. alphys has a small team of humans helping her out, or maybe just one very enthusiastic one. chara’s body is dug up and there are complements to how well preserved it is, this could be easier than anticipated. a mixture of science and magic is used to heal it and make its human processes function again. just before chara’s to go in frisk tells them that they can’t wait to finally hug them and they’re like “i take it back?? i can’t do this” once in their body chara’s just a clumsy weak little fuck and so very grouchy about having to feel things again.

When asriel gets his body back, the first thing he does is stomp out the old flower. Only frisk notices, it worries them. They try to ask him later but he gets offended like, “what you wanted me to keep it to remind me of my horrible life or something?! You think i need it in case something happens and i have to live in it again? I’d rather die!” the reality is that he thinks he’s cured and better and brand new now that he isnt a flower anymore, but that couldnt be farther from the truth. He’s now convinced hes perfect and can do no wrong which makes him do a lot of wrong

[utilitycaster]

I feel like a lot of people are projecting their own feelings towards what Taliesin did onto the cast as they seemed to me more stressed than necessarily angry at Taliesin but I don't actually play DnD so I thought I might ask you if what Taliesin did really was extreme enough to have actually made the cast as other playerd mad. I've just seen the claim that the cast is mad at x before, with Sam having scanlan leave or Bowlgate or Liam handing over the beacon and then the cast weren't actually mad at all.

Hi anon,

So just a blanket statement for the various questions I have received: until like, Wednesday, today was supposed to be a work from home day, as I often try to make my Fridays; I was pulled in to help an injured coworker briefly this morning, which I understand and which was relatively painless and would have left me free to work from home after 10 am, which is entirely reasonable. I then was sent to a last minute additional site and it turned out they were completely unprepared; this wasted about two and a half hours of my time and I'm now, understandably, extremely annoyed. This may bleed into my responses, though by and large I'm going to specify if I'm annoyed at you or not. Anyway, anon, I'm not annoyed at you at all and any "you" I say below is addressed to the fandom on the whole; this is a valid question.

Yeah the cast is mad. Yeah that's valid; as Matt pointed out there were extensive warnings specifically indicating that this would be a bad idea for Ashton to do. The cast is attached to each other's characters! They were, in fact, mad about Scanlan leaving and Tary showing up, because they care about Scanlan and that was an intense scene; Liam genuinely thought Sam was leaving the show. They were mad about this! They are also, probably going to get over it pretty quickly, or be "mad" about it in the way that your friends still roast you in the group chat over a typo years later. This isn't really even a D&D thing other than that Matt had Evontra'vir and Allura repeatedly say "you might fucking shatter." It's an anger born of concern that Ashton might have been permanently killed. But they weren't, and even if they were, it's fine. (The cast was not remotely mad about bowlgate though; see following paragraph.)

Which brings me to my next point. I have really only checked the blogs of people I follow because of aforementioned work problems and have barely glanced at the tag, and this is in conversation not just with this episode and that discourse and me being pissed off over real-world personal inconveniences, but also the larger discussion of "must stories have conflict?" and the fact that all the people who until quite recently insisted that actually Bells Hells are ROCK SOLID TIGHTLY BONDED and shat repeatedly on the astute point that Bells Hells are actually very surface level pleasant and don't ever discuss their issues have done a 180 that they will never acknowledge. Anyway:

It's extremely normal to be mad at people you care about, and to have arguments with them, and in fact it's likely more unhealthy to not have disagreements and get mad ever, and some of you sound like you've never been outside or had any friends. Like really that's it in the end. Actually believing Marisha and Liam were mad at each other? Friendless behavior. It's completely fine to wonder if this anger was valid, but like, honestly, people get mad over dumb shit every day and the point is that even if it's a stupid thing for the cast to be mad at (obviously, I think it's fine), be fucking normal and recognize that friends can be mad over dumb shit or valid shit and talk through it. Like. Some of you have no conflict resolution skills because you see all forms of confrontation as inherently evil and couldn't be me. I get in fights all the time and I get out of them and it's great. I am glad I no longer live in the midwest but god I cut swathes through problems there because I had zero investment in being Minnesota Nice when I was angry. Somehow this has turned into life advice, which is not what I thought it would be, but anyway. It's okay to be mad at your friends and expressing it in the way the cast did is super normal and they will probably all go out for drinks; as a person who has never chilled once in her entire life, I think we should all chill.

[imagine-knb]

Yaknow, it’s crazy!! Back when you were originally first active, I had turned on notifications for your blog because I loved your content so so much! I forgot all about it until you became active again! I’m happy to see you back !!♡

I’d you don’t mind~ can I request GoM+Kasamatsu reacting to their childhood crush/friend confessing their feelings for them?!

Maybe a little bland and simple, but I love to think of some characters who’ve really been pining on their crush being over the moon with joy over this kind of thing^///^” > maybe also a little big of how they would act around their crush before the confession!

-koi

You still have notifications on for us? I'm so grateful Koi-Anon! It honestly makes me so happy that so many of our previous followers stayed despite us not knowing until now if we'd be back. I've honestly felt so giddy and have been gushing about the blog to my significant other since I came back (my relationship with my current partner started after I left the blog, so they have no idea how deep this obsession runs lol) Also this ask is far from bland, I think it's adorably fluffy! Admin Neon

Kuroko

when Kuroko has a crush on someone, it's not so obvious at first; in fact, the only clue that he has feelings stronger for you than simple friendship are the little actions he does for you that he doesn't do for anyone else

they're small actions that could simply be mistaken for him considering you a close friend – letting you borrow his jacket when you were cold, purchasing your favorite snacks from the convenience store as a surprise

the day you confess to him, it's more than obvious that you're nervous – how could you not be, because the way he treated you, you thought he only saw you as a friend

Kuroko knew he was staring, knew that it was making your already fried nerves work in overdrive, but he couldn't tear his eyes away from your form. He was surprised, somehow not expecting you to reciprocate his feelings — even more surprised that you had confessed them first. But above all else, he was delighted.

"____-san," he called your name, interrupting your nervous, rambling confession. "I feel the same way."

Kise

in contrast to his light-blue haired friend, when Kise has a crush on someone, it is very obvious; he's clingy and flirty and always wanting to be the subject of your attention

to be frank, Kise would probably want to ask you out long before you came to the conclusion that you reciprocated his feelings – at least, he would have if he didn't think it would jeopardize your already great friendship with him

your confession to him comes randomly in the form of a question – "why aren't we dating?" – and it catches him completely off guard; you'd never heard Kise so quiet before

"Wait, wait, wait," Kise repeated himself, holding a hand up like he could pause your train of thought. "Are you saying you like me, too?"

When what he received in return from you was an affirmative answer, Kise feels overjoyed. His arms are instantly wrapped around you in the next moment, pulling you close. He had to resist the urge to kiss your cheek — didn't want to move too quickly — and you practically have to tear him off you at the end of the night because of how much he's clinging now.

Kasamatsu

you were his good friend and he was comfortable around you... until the day he wasn't; the day Kasamatsu realizes he has stronger feelings for you is the day you think he wants to end the friendship for good

he's suddenly embarrassed every time you catch his eye, he starts avoiding you more often, and he can't seem to talk to you without sounding angry – he's not angry at you though, he's angry at himself for his sudden 180 in how he treated you; why did it feel different now that he liked you like that?

you corner him one day, angry that he'd been ignoring you, and when you grilled him about his recent behavior he actually blurts out that he'd been doing it because of his growing feelings for you; your response wasn't what he was expecting – "is that it? I like you, too, dumbass."

For a moment, Kasamatsu seemed to be floundering in front of you, mouth agape as a red hue flooded his face. His pulse had been quick when you cornered him, then it felt like it had stopped the moment of your confession. Now? Now it felt like it was working double time — this couldn't be good for his heart.

With a cough behind a closed fist, Kasamatsu glanced off to the side before speaking. "Well, that's... good. That's good." He doesn't know what else to say however — now he was even more confused on how he should move forward with treating you.

Aomine

he's almost in denial with himself when he realizes he has feelings for you; the two of you had been friends for so long, practically since you were babies, so he didn't know when he stopped seeing you as a friend and started seeing you as more

he actually starts treating you just a little meaner, making snarky comments and trash talking the things you enjoy, but you're used to his shitty attitude and take it in stride – it actually ends up making him like you more

the day you confess to him actually has him confused, because how could you like someone who treated you so rudely, but he can't deny that it also makes his stomach fill with butterflies

"You must be some kind of masochist then," he commented, trying to hide the erratic thumping of his heart behind a sly smirk. "Don't think I'll be treating you any differently now that we're dating."

But the way you were looking at him, all smiles and teasing looks as you said you wouldn't have it any other way, made you seem so much more alluring to Aomine. As he stepped forward, one hand reached out to tilt your chin up so he could press his lips against yours better, a thought crosses his mind — maybe he would be treating you a little bit differently.

Midorima

it's hard to tell when Midorima has a crush on someone; he doesn't treat them that differently from before he liked them because he tends to treat all of his good friends with respect except Takao

he's actually already planning on confessing to you, but he's waiting for the perfect day; his luck has to be perfect, your luck has to be perfect, everything about that day has to be absolutely perfect

so when you confess to him on one of the most unluckiest days he's had that year, he almost feels mocked – almost, if it weren't for the fact your confession had him elated

"You really couldn't have picked any other day," he mused, a small smirk on his features telling you that he really didn't mean the words he said.

Normally, Midorima would be adamant that Oha Asa was never wrong — an unlucky day was supposed to be just that: unlucky. But after your confession, he was starting to think that maybe even his unluckiest of days could have a brighter side to them. He thanked the heavens he was able to afford double of his lucky item that day.

Murasakibara

he gets a little clingy to the object of his affection when he has a crush; he always wants to be around you and wants to be the only person to snag your attention

he tends to get a little whiney when you give other people attention, even if it's just your or his friends, but he's been that way every since you were kids so you're used to that behavior – maybe he's liked you since then?

the day you confess, he takes it so well, it's almost as if he already knew you would be doing it; maybe he already expected this to be the outcome of all his time spent with you

He was already hugging your smaller frame against his when you confessed, so after the words left your lips, Murasakibara's arms only tightened around you. He was pressing his nose against the side of your neck, hiding his expression, but you could feel that lazy grin of his against your skin.

"It's about time, ____-chin," he teased, voice muffled against you. "I was wondering when you'd say something."

Akashi

when Akashi has a crush on someone, he already starts treating them like a potential future spouse; he's a very straight forward person, so he doesn't want to date you just for fun because he's looking for his forever

he treats you better than any other friend he has, constantly making sure you're okay and healthy, keeping you stress free to the best of his abilities, and wanting to help you better yourself – honestly, it's only a little bit more than how he treated you as a best friend

he honestly confesses to you first, but you don't tell him right away that you reciprocate his feelings because you feel like you're not good enough for him – he only seems to catch on to the fact that you do like him back, however

Akashi seemed almost too calm, like he had expected what you were saying. As you finished your confession, tacking on your doubts on your worth to him, he steps forward and places a gentle palm against your cheek. The smile already on his face only softened when you leaned into his touch.

"None of that matters, ____," he reassured. "I like you. And, if I'm not mistaken, you like me too. That. That's all that matters to me."

[pumkinkitti]

INTRODUCTION POST!

Hello! Welcome to the Jacko + Noir ask blog! :3

The characters in the image represent the owners! (the chars are the owner’s sonas, please do not steal them )

Here are the owners;

Heyo! I'm Kasper and I use He/They/It pronouns! I own the character Jacko, and am in charge of him! I like Dandy’s world, Regretevator, Rottmnt, ASTV/ITSV, and lots of other things! My Tumblr is @k4sp3rsc0rn3r , I'll probably be posting oc related stuff or things correlating to my hyperfixations!

Hi there! I’m Chris, I’m genderfluid and I use He/She/They pronouns :3 I’m the owner in charge of Noir! I like Dandy’s World (ofc), Regretevator, Phighting, Undertale and My Hero Academia! My normal Tumblr account is @7dumbchris , follow me there to see. Literally nothing ‘cause I don't post often. :3

Now that that's out of the way, we move on to the characters!!!

Both characters are in their mid 20s and they are gay for eachother

Jacko is one of the few Main toons, being what people would deem a “villainous Character” or antagonist in Gardenview. Though in all reality, Jacko's just a toon who's looking for fun with a little bit of trickery thrown into the mix. He only has 2 hearts like the rest of the mains, though due to his reckless tendencies and lack of thinking before acting, that's likely why he got a bodyguard in the first place. (dumbass pumpkin)

His active ability is called “Trick”, and is primarily used when he's distracting. If a twisted ever loses attention on him or ends up going after another toon, He has the ability to remove the pumpkin from his head and toss it at the twisted. There's a very slim chance that the pumpkin could break into pieces on impact, causing a faint slowing effect on the twisted for 10 seconds. It has a cooldown of 120 seconds.

His passive ability is called “Treat”, and is mainly used inside the elevator rather than being used in a round. It works similarly to the choice cards Blind Grab or Lost and Found. If any toons have an empty inventory slot, he'll give them a candy of any rarity. It has a cooldown of 180 seconds.

Noir is Jacko’s bodyguard, he was assigned or rather gifted to Jacko from some tight connections with the Toon Handlers. He is what people could call a stoic, hardworking individual, and he is rather terrifying to every toon he ever comes in contact with, except Jacko. (really fits, because he is a cat, after all.)

He is NOT a Main, however, and does have the health and abilities of a normal toon.

His ability is called “Hunting”, and it has a cooldown of 120 seconds.

Whenever this ability is activated, any Twisted in a viewing radius of him will have a glowy aura, and will become a target. Once a target is chosen, he will have a direct line to that Twisted, and once in hitting range, he will stun that twisted for 20 seconds. It works similarly to Goob and Scraps’ abilities.

Before we end this off, please respect the following disclaimer!

Please dont be disrespectful or rude in asks, nor asking anything that includes racism, homophobia, SUPER NSFW stuff, etc.

Suggestive jokes are fine because theyre absolutely hilarious

Please know that we will remove and not answer an ask if it makes us uncomfortable. Thank you!

Well, thank you for reading! Have a great day, and happy asking!

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

I love to see my biases get the BB 1s, but when one starts making that their goal, hmm that kind of disconnects me from them as an artist.

I won't say more. I just wish artists I stan placed more focus on the art. Let charts happen naturally.

You're blog isn't like the blind fandom, so I am saying this here.

It's not hard to see through things. Chapter 2 has been interesting so far. I am not making any opinions based of things that are happening, but if it becomes a pattern with the artist, well... that's a problem.

Anon, we both know who were're talking about, lol. I'm gonna use the names, for the sake of making it easier for me to write a response.

A few weeks ago, I was watching this documentary about Wham. Some light entertainment for me initially, but it did offer me the chance for a fresh perspective. I don't exactly remember the details, but they've reached a point in which George Michael wanted to have 4 songs to reach number 1 on some chart, the fourth being Last Christmas. He was a bit obsessed with this and he also wanted to be a bigger artist. In later archival interviews, Michael actually mentions it was his ego as an artist because he knew he could. And he did, he outgrew the boyish band and the situation was almost ideal because Andrew, his bandmate, also knew that. It also meant getting away from their carefully constructed image, the object of desire for teenagers and women everywhere. For George, it was also about stepping away from performing a specific type of heteronormativity that can be found in boy bands. It never crossed my mind while watching it that his ego is too big, or why is he so obsessed with the charts. Maybe because it was all in the past and I've seen what the future would hold for him. Or that when I heard him talk about what he wants to achieve and his inner struggle, there was sincerity there and also that drive that only someone really young can have when they believe they can do anything.

I've read Jungkook's Weverse interview and listened to what he had to say during the Seven promotions. And while there may be some comparisons to be made to how George Michael came across when talking about his musical career, there were also some differences.

I'm glad to see Jungkook being more confident. I remember some of the things he used to say in the past, about his self worth, a lack of confidence and meaning outside the group. That wasn't healthy. And to hear him now, especially on Suchwita, it's a 180° change. But in his case, there's a very fine line between being confident and becoming cocky. And that's not a good look. It's almost like he's trying to project an image of a new Jungkook but one that is still in the works and not all parts fit perfectly together. He's going through a transformation ever since the hiatus, which I expected. It was about having to adapt to a different pace, life after 10 years of being part of a group. Jungkook was always trying to find his identity and this single is only one step in that journey.

But that doesn't mean that I as a fan and as a person, have to like it. If it doesn't match with what I'm looking for in the artists that I'm interested in, then so be it. I will talk about it, but I'll also not follow that person's musical career anymore. If I don't like the artistic direction and I don't like this overconfident, slighly exaggerated bravado, then that's it.

It's also impossible to not make a comparison to Jimin. Not for some dick measuring contest (it's what pjms and jjks are doing), but because there is room and justification for it. Both are from the same kpop group, both have embarked on a solo career and both chose a more mainstream pop music, as opposed to their older bandmates. And both got that BB 1. And what we can compare is song quality, artist reaction and how the company's response came across into fan spaces.

In terms of the songs, I could write entire essays because at the end of the day, it wouldn't matter. It's all subjective. There is no rule that says a number one song should be about some personal experience, or the singer should have writing credits on it. And I also can't take away my subjectivity. I will chose Like Crazy over a song that not only sounds like a Bieber tune from years ago, but also has lyrics as if they were written by the boys from Larry Clark's Kids.

As to the reaction, Jimin did exactly what I expected him to do. He was humble, grateful and emotional and we saw that when he turned on the livestream. It's what makes him who he is and how he always behaves. As opposed to that, Jungkook wanted to be appear cool. And for what? Especially when later he said how excited he actually was but he refrained from expressing that. Where's the authenticity that he seeks so much through his livestreams? Because he released a song about sex for which he never officially performed live the explicit version, that means that the attitude should match that? I know the next day he was live and he was really nice. But that entire event is tainted in my mind with this almost expectation and confidence that he'll get that no. 1 and after he got the western validation, they decided to remember there's fans at home too and went to Inkigayo.

Which leads me to the last point that shows the obvious bias and preference that cannot simply be denied when it comes to BH. It's even more obvious because the entire BTS brand was that there are no favorites, which is not the same strategy as with other companies and groups. And now, all of a sudden, there is. It's great that BH celebrates an artist's success and they can immediately put on a show. But it doesn't justify how the first one to have the achievement was ignored. I have to admit, I was happy when Jimin got his no. 1 because I thought it only meant more promotions, more Jimin, more of everything. Just to be left utterly confused.

I've put that all in the past and I really try not to get too emotionally involved because as an individual, it has no bearing on my personal life and it doesn't have that many negative effects on my fan engagement.

I side eye Jungkook for how he presents himself in official promotions, but then he goes live and all of a sudden, it's the Jungkook that I'm used to. The guy who is a dork and funny and grateful to his fans. The one who cries hearing fan songs and who still beats himself up for hours because he messed up a song. I do criticize some of his actions and statements, but I'm not slandering him. The guy seems like a genuinely nice person and I still like him. He's still one of my biases for many reasons. But me having this reaction to content catered specifically for fans to create a more intimate connection is something BH was always good at. We only have to look at all the BTS footage out there. They've perfected the way in which personality comes first a lot of the times. It's what draws fans in (aside from music) and what keeps them interested. I'm part of that.

I'm convinced that it's most likely that a Jungkook fan or army or whoever disagrees with me, will read all this and believe I hate Jungkook. Which would be a shame because all I'm trying to do is explain how complex this situation is. It's never as black and white as solo stans would like everyone to believe and it's not a debate that can be generalized and tossed aside as solo talk by the ot7 chorus. I'm sure there are a lot of reasonable people in this fandom still who are able to have more than one thought in their head and see that only through a naunced discussion we can look at facts, see what's an exaggeration and what's false. To be able to distinguish between facts and personal opinion and also to admit that. That's not possible if we're not looking at these people as complex beings, instead of victims and villains.

[etirabys]

I've been absent from tumblr for nine days because I was in Philly for a 800 person twitter con (whose constituents roughly map onto the rationalist tumblr diaspora, culturally). I was tweeting up a storm in conjunction with meeting twitter people irl and barely checked tumblr.

The con itself stretched over a long weekend, but I arrived four days early for preparties and stayed two days for postparties. I am on the plane right now, returning home. I got about twelve weeks of normal socializing in nine days. In the last four days I was taking small amounts of Ritalin to get through the day. That sounds bad, but that's how much I valued talking to weird internet people and having unique interactions that you cannot have outside of festivals.

The last iteration of this con last year had 300 attendees. At the time, I had 180 twitter followers, mostly from the times tumblr melted down and everyone including me advertised where they were elsewhere, as insurance. I munchkinned the hell out of socializing at the first con, got an additional 100 active followers that provided enough attention for a self-sustaining poasting reaction, and am at 2500 now.

I'm approximately the same person on twitter that I am on tumblr, except I don't post my erotica (my twitter followers skew more heavily male, so I'm less willing to be sexual) and I'm more strategic about seeking clout. I like to think I stay away from the clout-chasing things I find really gross (like having takes about politics nonstop, or starting beef), but I currently treat getting twitter followers as an enjoyable game.

It's nice to have a place where I'm explicitly seeking power, as it is nice to have a place (here on tumblr) where I'm explicitly not. My tentative plan is to hit 10-20K and then push the "trying" lever to off. I know a number of "microcelebrities" who get no stalkers or murder threats, but can go to just about any major city and have a place to crash, or people to show them around. That is what I want for myself.

I explain this not very flattering thing as context for what the con was like for me.

Most of the time, I exist socially the way most people do – avoiding risks and being discreet with dissent to keep the peace. I think people go to events like this one or Burning Man to get a freaking break from having to do this – as long as the con is full of reasonably mature and interesting people, the atmosphere becomes wonderful when they coordinate to drop the pretense for a week. I ran into a person who had a bad interaction with my acquaintance a few years ago, and told him I thought poorly of his actions but wanted to hear his side of the story. (The ensuing interaction was illuminating and pleasant.) A guy came up to me and observed that he'd made several conversational bids this year and last year, I had seemed to dislike this every time, and asked if I would prefer he never approach me again. We proceeded to have an extremely autistic debugging conversation, in front of several of his friends, about whether we should speak again in the future. (The solution: yes, he can try again, but pick a question from Askhole – don't inflict small talk on me.) I ran up to Famously Evil-Alien-Vibes-Having Economist Robin Hanson and said, "I have nothing to say to you in particular, but I find you interesting and I want to hang out," and then we argued for an hour about the fertility crisis. After asking for blessing to say something negative, I told a blogger whose blog post that I'd otherwise really liked that there had been one aspect that I found disingenuous. We had a good back and forth after I said this.

What I found so addictive about this con is that my popularity-seeking drive and my honesty-seeking drive – both of which I somewhat repress most of the time – were not only expressible, but in harmony. It is quite inappropriate to be super open and openly autistic in most social contexts. Here, I could say exactly what I meant, and as long as I delivered it in the right way, people would like me for it. The conversation where the guy started with "You don't seem to like me, should I never talk to you again?" should by most predictive measures have been awkward and unpleasant – but I got the sense, steadily, that he (and his friend who eventually joined in) liked me for how I was responding to him. All I had to do was, literally, just say what I really thought, and it somehow all worked out.

[lover-of-mine]

Hi 👋 can I say how much enjoy your blog? reading your opinion it's always a delight to me. And you are never rude so that's always a plus when I follow someone here on Tumblr.

So when you say the writers could truly decide to develop Tommy as a character in which circumstances do you think this could happen? (For me that ship sailed already but it's interesting to think about it) what would need to happen for the writers to make this choice and with what purpose?

I actually don't think LFJ is that bad of an actor (I actually enjoy him on swat) my opinion of him as a person is a whole other issue, but for some reason his acting felt flat on 911, like he's just there you know?

Hope you have a wonderful day today 💞

This is actually very nice, thank you, I appreciate you saying this!

Okay, I will tell you something I don't spend a lot of time trying to figure out how to incorporate Tommy because I just want this to be over with, I don't think he's worth the chaos he created so I don't try to figure out how to make him stay. But there are ways when you look at the fact that he has other openings to the storyline besides Buck. We have the friendship with Eddie that was completely written off after he got together with Buck and we also have the previous connection to the 118. Personally, I think the easiest way to incorporate him is through Eddie but the more effective way would be through Hen and Chim, it would be doing something that makes it clear that his relationship with them improved, yk? It's not just friendly, we worked together and I'm polite type thing, like actually evolving it into something that "oh we're friends now. They've been through shit, we acknowledge the fact that Tommy helped create the toxic environment and we have Tommy actively doing something to make amends, Hen and Chim seal of approval or whatever and then you keep developing his relationship with Buck in whatever way they want. But the thing is that only works if they do like a full 180 of his personality, yk? Like he would have to suddenly become extremely genuine for it to actually work with the general audience when you consider everything that happened and the way that he was used, in the second half of the season.

Because the thing is I don't think the problem is Lou's acting, at least not all of it, he was not doing a lot but the script that wasn't doing him any favors, if you look at him during the cruise and in 704 he doesn't fall as flat as he does during 709 and 710, so it's not fully a Lou's problem, it's probably something about the way that they want Tommy to come off because if they actually needed Tommy to come off a different way they would do different things with the script too, the delivery makes Tommy look a certain way, but what he's saying would contribute to it anyway, Lou's not that bad of an actor as everyone keeps saying he is, if he was 704 wouldn't work and 704 does work, so the thing is I think that they didn't plan on having Tommy sticking around all that much or at all for the rest of the season, and I think that's the main reason that 704 Tommy is so different from 709/10 Tommy because they realized that they had to make him look a certain way because people were rooting for the relationship and they didn't want people to root for the relationship. It all comes down to them actually putting effort into the character as a whole but the only effective way to make him part of the family is making him part of the family literally. It is dealing with the issues that come from his relationship with Chim and Hen. But I also don't think that the show's going to go there because they made a point to show us the deleted scene that shows the Hen doesn't trust him and that he's not interested in her approval so they filmed that scene, and they know that if they incorporate Tommy with more than Buck then Tommy starts existing in the plot and they avoided that at all costs. So much so that the second after they kissed Tommy was kind of like isolated he just doesn't do anything with anyone else even though there is space for that, even all that was the expectation for at least his friendship with Eddie to stick around, so I don't think they're going to go that route but it would be doing something with Hen and Chim if they want to be effective, I mean they just need him to exist outside of Buck and then you can actually start working towards the development of the character, it wouldn't be a thing that goes like it's one and done, I think it would be something that they would have to work with because they made a point that Tommy is a bad fit on Buck's life and we have the the begins episodes that were never addressed (and it kind of leaves a bad taste in my mouth but they kind of decided that gay excuses complacent which is bullshit) but they could have tried the same way that they tried to redeem Taylor, they didn't but it works if they decide they want to go there. There are ways to write it, I don't know exactly how they would go about it in specifics but it would be they would have to bring Tommy into the firefam for it to work. But he wasn't at the actual wedding, he was isolated during the medal ceremony, he wasn't at the hospital and they released that scene so they know they are purposefully keeping him out, I don't think they'll try to turn this around especially with the chaos.

[haveyoureadthisfantasybook]

stats: the first 1000(+) polls

we’ve crossed a major milestone: more than 1000 polls (it actually kind of works out to 1000, because there was one duplicate poll, for Shannon Hale’s The Goose Girl, and one poll that I missed in one of my stats spreadsheets, but)!

as usual, any time I give two percentages with a slash between them (e.g., “18.5% / 11.3%”), the first percentage is the mean and the second is the median.

general observations

we’ve had 46 majority-yes results so far; for comparison, we had 43 majority-yes results in the last round of stats, meaning that in the last 180 polls there have only been 3 new majority-yes results, all children’s books.

the highest individual yes result on either this or the sci-fi blog is still C.S. Lewis’s The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe at 85.3% yes.

averages continue to drop.

the mean yes result for all books is 13.0% (down from 13.9%), and the median yes result is 6.8% (down from 7.4%).

when I give aggregate numbers for things, I missed a book at some point when I was updating my spreadsheet, so any totals will only add up to 1001 at most.

publisher

the gap between anglophone big 5 imprints and other publishers continues to narrow, but again it’s because the averages for big 5 imprints are dropping:

big 5 imprints: 15.7% / 9.0% yes

others: 6.8% / 2.9% yes

big 5 imprints make up the overwhelming majority of submissions: 713/1002 polls (71.2%), followed by 216 from anglophone independent publishers (21.6%).

age demographic

children’s books continue to be much more likely to get a yes result; the averages across all categories have fallen again.

adult

there have been 553 adult books, of which 10 have gotten majority-yes results (2.2%). the average is 9.4% / 4.9% yes — note the still very low median. an adult book that gets a more than 4.9% yes result is in the top 50% of most-read books in these polls!

teen/YA

there have been 201 teen/YA books, of which 4 have gotten majority-yes results (2.0%). the average is 11.8% / 7.5% yes.

children’s

there have been 247 children’s books, of which 32 have gotten majority-yes results (13.0%). the average is 21.5% / 14.5% yes.

publication date

the decades that have enough books to provide (somewhat) meaningful data are still in a pretty clear bell curve peaking in the 1990s and 2000s:

18th century: 1

1830s: 1 book

1880s: 1 book

1890s: 2 books

1900s: 5 books

1910s: 3 books

1920s: 3 books

1930s: 7 books

1940s: 4 books

1950s: 17 books (average 29.4% / 12.5%, heavily skewed by Tolkien and Lewis lmao)

1960s: 14 books (average 23.2% / 15.4%)

1970s: 42 books (average 13.2% / 6.4% — these have actually risen slightly!)

1980s: 85 books (average 13.4% / 5.9%)

1990s: 118 books (average 16.4% / 11.0%)

2000s: 231 books (average 15.6% / 8.5% — a relatively large drop)

2010s: 311 books (average 9.9% / 5.0%)

2020s: 155 books (average 9.0% / 4.6%)

race

the gap between white authors and authors of color has narrowed slightly, as the average for white authors has continued to drop and the average for authors of color has continued to rise slightly.

white authors: 13.9% / 7.5% yes

authors of color: 7.9% / 4.5% yes

white authors still make up the overwhelming majority of submissions — 856/1002 polls (85.4%).

gender

all averages have fallen slightly. books by women and books by nonbinary writers still have a lower mean yes rate than books by men but a slightly higher median yes rate. this data suggests that in fact people read books by authors of all genders at relatively similar rates overall but that there are more bestsellers / classics by men (skewing the mean up).

women: 12.4% / 7.2%

men: 15.0% / 6.7%

nonbinary/other/none: 8.5% / 7.2%

books by women continue to make up a substantial majority of submissions, at 601/1002 polls (60.0%), vs. books by men at 338/1002 polls (33.7%). there have only been 33 polls for books by nonbinary(/other/none) authors (3.3%). the remainder are books by multiple authors of multiple genders or books whose author’s gender was unclear.

geography

we have just enough polls for books by authors from Africa to give a somewhat meaningful average.

North America: average 12.4% / 6.9%

Europe: average 16.6% / 8.6%

every other continent composite average: 8.4% / 4.0% (the median has risen slightly and the mean is the same)

Africa: 3.3% / 2.4%

Asia: 4.5% / 2.9%

Oceania: 11.5% / 5.6%

books from North America make up the large majority of polls:

North America: 658 (65.7%)

Europe: 243 (24.3%)

Oceania: 51 (5.1%)

Asia: 33 (3.3%)

Africa: 10 (1.0%)

South America: 5 (0.5%)

language

the average for books originally published in English remains markedly higher (13.3% / 7.3% yes) than the average for books not originally published in English (8.6% / 2.7% yes), though it’s dropping. for other languages with >10 polls:

French: 6.7% / 1.2%

Japanese: 3.0% / 2.9%

so far in total we’ve had:

English: 923 books (92%)

French: 15 books (1.5%)

Japanese: 11 books (1.1%)

German: 9 books

Spanish: 9 books

Swedish: 8 books

Chinese: 4 books

Welsh: 4 books

Arabic: 3 books

Danish: 3 books

Finnish: 3 books

Korean: 2 books

Russian: 2 books

(Scottish) Gaelic: 1 book

Italian: 1 book

Polish: 1 book

Portuguese: 1 book

Yoruba: 1 book

as always, I especially invite submissions written in languages other than English, regardless of whether they’re available in translation!

[lamemaster]

The Silmarillion Elves Finding My Mutual's Blog

AN: why am I doing this? Lack of brain cells, I tell you. But here we go (lmk if you would like to be removed...I don't intend to offend anyone). A small gift for mutuals and feel free to add more blogs if needed.

Summary: How would characters from the Silmarillion react to finding my mutual's blogs. Purely based on my interpretation which may or may not be messed up.

@asianbutnotjapanese: the loremaster with all the records. Elrond and Finrod. Do I need to say more? This trio would sit together to appreciate all the writings together. A group that thrives together as they compare their findings.

Finrod's appreciation might originate in the form of odes complimented by the notes of his harp.

Kings and queens of reblogging stuff for easier access.

@doodle-pops: There's going to be a crowd here. But the chief guest of this gathering can be none other than Fingon. Accompanied by Glorfindel and Fingolfin (because I see you with that sugar daddy fic Mina).

I completely expect Fingon to encounter the blog, binge-read everything and then create his own the very next day (and yes, he will write the most cursed ships). This elf will create multiple other accounts to comment on the Fingon fics...Will jokingly compare the note count of his fic with that of Maedhros'.

Glorfindel is just another golden retriever. He will meticulously thank you and the rebloggers (celebrates humbly at his popularity). And he will be the one to send super sweet 'you're amazing' kind of asks to the writer.

Fingofin will become an established annon on the blog. No one knows it's him. His online personality is 180 from his real life. (He's got some ships and opinions and mans won't stop from stating them *aggressively*.

@a-world-of-whimsy-5: The Ainur. Sauron, Namo, and Irmo (Manwe and Eonwe are lurking) are here and they will read everything. Don't be surprised if you get a bunch of passionate Sauron requests by an 'annon' the next day. Very specific requests.

Irmo on the other hand reads even the spiciest fics with a poker face late at night. I can just imagine him laying with his phone in his hand as he scrolls through the blog. A quiet existence but don't be surprised when you wake up with 50 notes and a new followers.

Namo will start by restraining himself to the sfw fics but somehow ends up reading nsfw and goes down the rabbit hole. Next day the he can't look anyone in the eye (especially Manwe). Decides never to do that again only to come back for more (don't even bring him close to hurt no comfort, this Ainur cried for Luthien. He can't handle angst).

@wandererindreams: Ulmo, Manwe, Eru, and The Void. Just a merry group having existential conversations. You all would be sitting there with your copy of texts and believe me Eru will pull out receipts to prove shit.

The sight of the Void being hyped by all the extensive headcanons...chef's kiss. Literal black hole feels included in the fandom for the first time.

Manwe and Ulmo would be there with wisdom and appreciation for your deep contemplation. Both commenting their piece and views about the subject in lengthy comments.

Eru will be taking notes. I can envision Iluvatar, playing devil's advocate (ironic) and arguing against anything and everything. Eru likes hooman who challenge him (ask Numenorians).

@animatorweirdo: Maglor and Sauron. The second eldest Feanorian will be found blushing as he reads your works and he will revisit the blog in bouts of day-dreaming of his true love. Leaves adorable emojis in the comments.

Believe me, Sauron would get some pretty interesting ideas from all your sci-fi fics. Now he really really really needs a vampire plus werewolf SO so bad. This maia will flourish under all the attention given to him. Follows fervently but will like sparingly (he's got an image to maintain).

I would also spy a lingering Maedhros but he's got the tired mom energy so he'll be a flickering presence who remembers Tumblr once every 3 months.

Lamemaster: dead. Feanor or Finwe will smite me the second they see my blog.

[bangtanintotheroom]

Where is Everybody?

Hello there! So, this post here is gonna be a doozy, but I need to get some things off my chest and hopefully, I can get some answers at the end of the day.

For the last few months, I’ve noticed a significant downtick in interactions on here. And it’s not just for my blog, quite a few of my moots seem to going through the same issue as well.

On top of that, the ever-present issue of liking over reblogging seems to have just gotten worse.

The main question I want to ask is why?

I know the holidays are a busy time for many people, but compared to last year when I joined, it almost feels like a ghost town. I ask if people want to see teasers or graphics I made and out of the significant amount of followers, I only get a handful interacting, many of them my moots (ily guys so much and appreciate you mwah 💋)

I was letting it slide until I saw the amount of notes Offsite Services has been getting. Mind you, it’s a drabble collection based off of Fanservice, which judging by notes, is one of my most infamous works. Here’s a comparison:

Fanservice: 1,877 notes

Offsite Services: 180 notes with Up Close and Personal having 242 notes while “Bear” with Me only has 111 notes

You see what I mean? Offsite Services only has just under 10% of Fanservice’s notes. And they’re in the same series!

It’s bothering me because so many people for months have been asking for updates for this series. Now that I started it back up, it’s practically radio silence and it’s highly discouraging. It definitely cemented my decision to work on whatever speaks to me at the moment and not try to rush things out, only for it to get little recognition.

And to get back to the likes/reblogs issue, lately, it’s seemed like it’s worsened these last couple of months. I know there’s a lot of users who shifted here from Twitter thanks to the madness that’s been going on, but you need to understand something:

Likes do not spread our work around.

Works can get buried within tags, especially if they don’t have a large amount of notes, which makes it harder to get recognition. By reblogging, it introduces our fics to a wider audience, even if you only have a handful of followers. Believe me, it helps!

And feedback is always helpful as well! You don’t even have to write a full essay, something along the lines of ‘thank you for writing this!’ or ‘wiofwoihih this was SO GOOD’ is highly appreciated.

Also, my ask box is always open, for anons and non-anons. If you want to talk about something or just say hi or discuss a fic or WIP, don’t be shy! I might not respond right away, but that’s because I’m busy or at work. I only won’t respond if it’s a request (REQUESTS ARE CLOSED INDEFINITELY)  or someone demanding I update a fic (which hasn’t happened yet, thank God).

I don’t want to drag this on much longer, so I want to just cap this off by asking again why there’s less people interacting lately. These are the answers I came up with:

1. BTS’ hiatus (which doesn’t make sense to me because now would be the best time to catch up on fan content but 🤷🏾‍♀️)

2. Taking a break from Tumblr

3. Not enough time to read

Again, these are only my theories, but I won’t know for sure unless you guys tell me. If you know the reason why and would like to tell me, feel free to come to my ask box. All I ask is that you don’t be rude or extremely defensive; whatever reason you might have is valid and I’m not trying to start any fights. I just want some clarity to help ease this question that’s been bothering me for the last couple of months.

Thank you so much if you read all of this, I appreciate it greatly. I hope everyone has a steady 2023 and I wish you all the best. 💕

- AJ 💜