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Ramcoa Rant / Vent
Tw: Sa mention / Religion mention
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One day you wake up, your legs sore, your eyes burning red, and you think: Why is my purpose in life to be Violated?
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I was programmed to be a Housewife, or something of the sort anyways. As the old host and core of the system has vanished since my arrival, and since i was one of the last to be programmed Externally, i don’t have much memory of life before.
I was born as this and I will die as this, all my memories will be this, no past, no future, just the never ending present.
I don’t believe I can be Deprogrammed.
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I think it makes sense to establish some context:
I grew up in a strict, christian Place (won’t talk extensively for safety), surrounding my house we had around 10 churches, in particular my family was very high in the ‘society’ created there, we lived in front of the priests. I preached to younger kids, I was in the chorus, even the school life was dictated by church. We did homework all together at the community center (with the church people), we would routinely be sent to the mountains to pray etc… you probably understand the gist.
Since i can remember, we’ve always wanted to be a housewife, have 3, 4 or more children. Don’t work, dress pretty, satisfy your husband. It contrasted strongly with our sexuality and gender, which was a matter of chatter for the church.
.
I think it’s something that always described us as a system, this duality, this core need to be away from the church, away from religion because we are inherently unholy, but this control they’ve instilled in us never letting us truly escape.
This duality that they even programmed in us, really.
Even now, I haven’t left fully.
I moved country, but i Haven’t left. I’m going back once every few months at least.
How can i leave?
I still want to be a housewife.
A mother.
Even if i’m a boy.
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Lord, Lamb, Box and Clock were all programmed before me. Lord having re-emerged recently (As Lamb allowed us to find a tiny sub system, no idea why yet), Lamb being our first alter, from what we can recollect, and Clock being the second. Box I can’t genuinely remember.
When I, Passerine, was programmed, the body was already older, not of much sure, but older enough to cause a different need to come from our handlers.
Lord, Lamb, Box and Clock are all aggressive, loyal, guard dogs or creators of duality. Meant to act up to cause ‘delightful’ punishment. Meant to punish others. Meant to always come back.
I was made for one job and one job only.
Housewife.
Which didn’t mean just, clean the house and pop some kids as i’ve been led to believe.
It meant my body would freeze, absolute paralysis, with the use of a single Word. It meant my tongue would be caught in my mouth it meant i couldn’t speak or move but just take it over and over again even if i was bleeding.
We had another ‘trigger’ that would instead, give us a very opposite reaction, one where we were forced to beg: to be hit, to be used.
It’s still in me, it’s still something i do, i still freeze when my partner forgets he’s not supposed to say that word, i still try to get naked when his expression sours.
I still mother him, i still clean the house, i cook, i desire children, it’s my job.
Every time he holds me, caresses my hair, and he’s reassuring me it’s okay to not enjoy sex, that we can make it all better, i can only repeat
It’s my job.
It’s my job.
And i’m never getting better.
.
until 2021 i was not aware enough of who i was, what was happening.
Lamb to this day likes to lock my tongue up when he feels like his control is slipping.
When i want to say no.
.
Now, after years of therapy. I can’t say it has gotten much better really
It’s still my job.
and it hurts even worse.
#i only do sophisticated vents on tumblr#the ‘i wanna d13’ are exclusive for twitter#here i give Context#did#dissociative identity disorder#system#aspd#bpd#ocd#religious trauma#religion#ramcoa#alter#vent#rant
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genuinely the political climate on this website has gotten so bad that i’m considering leaving it entirely. so many of my mutuals/friends have fallen down the “voting doesn’t do anything, both sides are genocidal” rabbit hole and it pisses me off but I feel like i can’t speak out because they can be the nicest ppl when they’re talking about anything but politics but as soon as it gets to politics they turn to like. seriously telling people to kill themselves. people fought and continue to fight for their right to vote and you just want to throw it away? they make fun of qanon types but their bizarre insistence that harris/biden/obama/whoever are all secretly genocidal/imperialist monsters is the EXACT same thing. they act like they’re sooo well-read and sophisticated yet they dismiss all fact-based journalism as biased propaganda, getting all their political beliefs from twitter and tumblr. and the way they all throw around trump meme quotes like “many such cases” etc and call him funny makes me think that they actually hate dems more than trump… horseshoe theory proven true yet again. sCrAtCh A LiBeRaL aNd a FaScIst bLeEdS yet they’re the ones sitting idly by and refusing to vote against an Actual Literal Fascist. a post just went viral amongst tankies on here that was like “hey instead of voting for politicians why don’t we try to just shoot them in the head” and I was like ARE YOU ACTUALLY STUPID. At the very least back up your words with actions; if you’re gonna advocate for political violence then at least try to commit to your rhetoric. but we all know these hypocrites piss their pants at the thought of even leaving the house or reading anything more politically nuanced than the communist manifesto. they’ll clap and cheer for violence from behind their phone screens, but it’s painfully obvious if any irl communist revolution happened they’d fall apart immediately. i can’t stand this idea that bitterness and cynicism are morally superior to slow, incremental progress. sorry to vent like this in your inbox, but i just wanted to let you know that you are the one of the only people with good political takes on this website and also that there are tons of us who feel the same way. thank god these people aren’t a majority irl, but they still could be enough of a majority to make dems lose in key states and it’s terrifying…
literally agree 100% with everything said, its like ur reading my mind.
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-ˏˋ HOW SUNOO CHEERS YOU UP ˊˎ
✧.* gn!reader ; 0.5k words ; fluff, comfort ; mentions of food
✧.* requested by anon ; masterlist ; taglist
✧.* first fic on the new blog! wrote this one pretty quickly so it isn't my most sophisticated piece but feedback is encouraged and appreciated! also, my requests are open in case you would like to read something similar for another member. my taglist is open as well in case you wanna get regular updates every time i post a new fic! please enjoy~
✧.* sunoo is always able to tell when you're upset, even if you go above and beyond to hide your feelings from him. sometimes, he can feel it in the air, other times, he can see it on your face, and some other times, it happens right in front of him.
✧.* he has a tendency to get very obsessed with cheering you up. so much so to the point where he starts getting upset if he isn't able to make you feel better. obviously, he hates seeing you in a bad mood, because he wants nothing but joy and happiness for you.
✧.* sunoo is big on communication. open up to him. tell him what's bothering you. get down to every nitty gritty detail so that you come out of it feeling completely satisfied and burden free. sunoo could listen to you rant for hours without a single complaint. not because he would do anything for you (which he claims he would but is still up for debate) but more so because he's mad for you. he just doesn't know what he's supposed to be mad about, and you telling him helps him justify his own annoyance.
✧.* he never invalidates your feelings. he always listens to you and understands the unspoken meaning behind your words. he knows that sometimes you feel "stupid" for being upset about something that isn't conventionally upsetting. but he always reminds you that even if others might think you're overreacting, you are still allowed to feel the way you do. in this way, he manages to lessen the guilt you feel for being upset.
✧.* not only does sunoo listen to you properly, but he always has words of reassurance ready to sprinkle on you. he doesn't get too philosophical, but he does try to help you see the bigger picture. while he wants you to have autonomy over your own decisions, he does try to steer your thoughts in the right direction, mostly away from self depreciation.
✧.* now sunoo knows that simply getting things off your chest isn't always enough. so, in the case that it is not, he comes prepared with enough reinforcements to ensure you won't even second guess tossing the problem in the past.
✧.* sunoo is a staunch believer in cuddle therapy. the perfect ending to any venting is sealing the deal with a big, warm, and tight bear hug that never fails to give you a feel for how much he truly loves and cares about you. he cancels all his plans to spend an entire afternoon bundled up underneath a soft blanket with you, legs tangled together, switching between being the big spoon and little spoon.
✧.* sometimes there will be a movie playing. other times he'll have your favorite playlist buzzing in the background. sometimes, there'll be neither, just you both silently enjoying the serene ambiance of each other's company.
✧.* every so often he'll plant an unsuspecting kiss on your face and grin widely as he watches the action register in your mind. then you would do the same to him, catching him off guard, and thereby initiating a cute little kissy contest.
✧.* another way he likes to cheer you up is by buying you something yummy to eat. your favorite snacks, desserts, drinks- whatever you've been craving, he surprises you with some of it. there's nothing like some comfort food to warm your heart up.
© 0423s | tumblr
#ivy ∘°∘♡∘°∘ writes#enhypen imagines#enhypen scenarios#enhypen fluff#enhypen x reader#enhypen sunoo#sunoo imagines#sunoo scenarios#sunoo x reader#sunoo fluff#kim sunoo#kpop imagines#kpop scenarios#kpop x reader#kpop fluff
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Chrollo, Hisoka, and Illumi Headcanons
Chrollo, Hisoka, Illumi, and Leorio headcanons
Hello, anon! I am so sorry for taking longer than usual to respond to this post. I have been so busy with A LOT lately but I have time now! I don’t know if you want N/SFW, romantic or non so I’ll go based on what comes to mind! I know many Tumblr users have made these types of assumptions for them a lot but I wanted to join in. I started writing this last night so forgive me if there are any unbearable grammar errors. I hope you like it anon, I tried my best. I have to work on my headcanons for them because I try to keep them in character. Since we don’t have much background info on ⅔, I have to keep it as realistic as possible. FYI N/SFW content is mentioned.
Discord for Voltron and HxH fans
Let’s start with Chrollo.
Chrollo (SFW)
I’ve seen on here that a lot of you headcanon Chrollo to be an understanding man when it comes to feelings for his significant other. Given his soft voice and calm demeanor, I’m sure that is somewhat true.
It seems like Chrollo isn’t on board with over-the-top PDA meaning he would agree to hand-holding and his arm around you but nothing more. He saves the...other stuff for when you two are alone. Because of Chrollo’s past, it seems like he wouldn’t want to be seen in public that much because that can cause him to get caught by the authorities.
He takes your safety very seriously. You understand that when he is with the Phantom Troupe that you are not to interrupt until the business is over. He doesn’t allow you to get involved with the missions because of how dangerous they can be (example: the auction). He knows you can handle it, he prefers for you not to be involved. Feelings and work can make things difficult.
Although Chrollo hides in the shadows, I imagine he lives in a penthouse with expensive furniture, white and black color pattern, and large windows that have an astonishing view of Yorknew.
After you both have worked long and hard, you open the door just to see the lights dimmed so dark that it matches the night atmosphere. There are rose petals leading to the bathroom where a bubble bath is waiting. As you enter the bathroom, your boyfriend is waiting there, submerged in bubbles sticking his arms out. Candles light up the tiny room casting a romantic shadow from your body. You grab his hand and gently sit in the tub. The warm water felt amazing; it helped your aching muscles (from exercising) feel better. Chrollo gently grabbed your arm and pulled you into a warm, loving embrace. He wrapped his toned arms around your body and rested his chin on your shoulder. He didn’t say a word but instead breathed heavily, kissed your shoulder, and leaned back against the wall. On days like this, he didn’t say much but his actions spoke louder than words.
Chrollo NSFW
I think Chrollo is a passionate lover. This assumption comes from his calm demeanor. He seems to be incredibly patient so if you aren’t positioning yourself the right way or something, he’ll work with you to make sure you get it and you are comfortable.
He is touchy. That means during the nitty-gritty, he likes to touch your face, chin, lips, and your torso as a way to show more affection.
When he is in the mood, he moves slowly then very fast. He cannot resist the urges and feelings he has for you.
He loves to do this while the drapes are open although you have expressed that you like your privacy. It’s ironic. He doesn’t like extreme PDA but is ok with sleeping with you while the lights from the city shine near your penthouse window. Ah, guys are confusing.
After the climax, he lays flat on the bed and pulls you close. He leaves about an inch in between because heat is still radiating off your bodies and it’s summertime.
Hisoka (SFW) If his significant other was shy.
People have mixed feelings about Hisoka, feelings, and whether or not if he is gentle or not. I don’t think that Hisoka is gentle but begins to lay off the harsh jokes or pranks as he sees that you both have fought before and you’re not as weak as he thought.
Unlike Chrollo, he is all for PDA. This ranges from hand holding to playful kisses to passionate kisses. When I saw Hisoka for the first time, I immediately thought he was a fuck boy. A fuck boy is a boy that is only interested in sleeping with someone and doesn’t intend on pursuing a relationship.
He’d take the pleasure of appreciating your presence as well as testing your patience. If you are shy and are easily flustered, he will change that. He’ll do things like kissing you, calling you affectionate names, or anything that will cause you to respond. You hit him jokingly. Still not getting the message, he continues and you hit him harder. This is where he releases a medium moan which causes everyone to look in your direction. You freeze; face flushed and he’s laughing his ass off.
“What’s the matter,” he asks, covering his mouth. “You look flushed~♥.”
“You’re doing too much. Stop playing around! People are staring~💯.” You cover the side of your face. True enough you were a little mortified but in a good way. You knew he did this because he liked you but sometimes he played too much.
This is when he pulls you closer to his face, your ear next to his mouth, and whispers something in your ear that sent chills down your spine that made you blush more than before. He nearly puckered his lips as he spoke. He took his index finger and thumb to caress your cheek.
“Raising your voice at me? That simply won’t do. Aren’t you aware of the consequences~♥?”
You knew better than to not say anything because he would cup your cheeks and pull you into a deep kiss, and wouldn’t let go until he was sure that everyone was looking.
Both of you enjoy red, white, and rose wine. To him, wine equals classiness and sophistication. After fighting each other for hours (which he considers training for you and exercise for him) drinking wine and watching Lifetime (television for idiots) is a great way to end the night.
NSFW
As stated above, I originally thought that Hisoka was a fuck boy, so I am going to roll with that thought. This man has the potential of being rough and if he is too rough this is the time where you can speak up and say so. He’ll listen to you. Similar to Chrollo, he can be very romantic if he wants to. The rose petals gimmick was played out.
Instead, he hides in the darkest part of the living room waiting for you.
You turn on the lights and immediately head to the kitchen to drink a bottle of ice-cold water. Summer nights in Yorknew were hot and humid, almost unbearable. It felt like you were being suffocated. Becoming impatient, Hisoka clears his throat loudly causing you to nearly jump out of your skin; choking on the water you were drinking. He released a sexy chuckle. When you turned around, there stood your chiseled buff boyfriend bare with a ribbon tied in various directions around his body. Your birthday was two days ago and he was your gift. Although you have seen him like this before, for some reason you were too flustered to make a move. He already knew that you were tired from work, so he carried you in his arms to the Exercise Room and laid you gently on the floor. You smiled as a rush or passion took over your body resulting in you tearing off the ribbon tightly wrapped around his body. Since this was your birthday gift, he made it a night you’d remember forever! Surprisingly, no roughhousing, just soft and gentle. This proves that Hisoka has the capability of being humane. His strokes were to your liking and the gazes that you both exchanged were mind-blowing. Why couldn’t he be this way all the time? After it all, you fell asleep at her quickly. You were on the floor but now on top of your king-sized bed, with the message control on high. He stayed awake, watching TV, and thought about how he was going to pick a fight with you at the crack of dawn.
Hisoka’s ability to flirt and send the intended person swooning is a talent of itself. Lots of people do not possess this talent. Sometimes it's intentional and sometimes it's not. He speaks softly and smoothly, are he has to do is ask and it shall be done.
Illumi SFW
Illumi gives the impression that he is a “quiet” freak. This means that true enough he is focused on his job but if the moment comes along he will give in. He isn’t into PDA at all and if he does feel like showing some affection it will be done in private. Even though he appears to be a zombie, laying on or even cuddling with his significant other will help him relax for once. Imagine having to complete many missions in a day, exhausted, and have a wonderful person waiting to act as a human pillow for your weary head. Even Illumi can’t resist that.
If he likes you and plans to marry you, he will make that known to everyone to avoid confusion. Illumi represents the stereotypical shy boy; he is anti-social, prefers to only be around people he knows and trusts, and carries out the duties of his job.
After everything has been completed for the day, he wouldn’t mind ( and secretly begs) for silent cuddles with his significant other and to just fall asleep. At this point, you are used to it so this is all you want and you are satisfied. When he does talk, it’s usually about something he found out from work that he knows should be kept quiet but he tells you anyway. Late nights are the time of day where Illumi vents for a few hours. The details of these vent sessions could range anywhere from “I wish you were there to see it” to “No, it would be too much”. As quiet and reserve as he is, his love is shown in a unique way that you have grown accustomed to.
NSFW
When the urge slaps him across the face like a sack of rocks, he cannot resist. Usually, he fights off the urge by exercising (mainly because you are out of the house or sleep) but this time he couldn’t shake it.
Before he gets started with anything, he styles his long hair in the shape of a bun so it doesn’t get in the way of action.
Although he is portrayed to be an emotionless zombie, he has some feeling deep inside him that he unleashes just for you. This is shown by gentle moist kisses being placed along your neck and once he reaches your shoulder that is when you wake up. Halfway through your sleepy eyes, you see a man with a devilish smile painted across his face. Who is this man? This couldn’t be your boyfriend. No way, no how.
Once he sees your sleepy smile, he just releases so many kisses that you throw the blanket off and he pulls you in closer.
Illumi will allow you both to switch the roles meaning he is in charge one time and you are on another day. Since you were still asleep, he decided to take on the role. He is surprisingly gentle in the beginning but as soon as it takes off, your ride him like a donkey. It ironic; he releases more noises than you! You have to remind him that noise travels! Great, you’re doing your job well! While it is important to take your job seriously, you need to have time to release that stress.
He uses his large eyes to stare into yours; you always found yourself lost in his gaze.
After it all, you lay back down waiting for your boyfriend to return from the kitchen. Illumi craves food like crazy after a good session. What’s better than donuts at 3 AM? COMFORT FOOD!!
These urges also come when you two are training together. Several times he’s had to guide you from behind on how to aim his needles. This time you noticed the packing of his pants which surprised you.
“Any questions,” he asked in a monotone voice.
“Yes. Why did you wear jogging pants? You’re giving yourself away.”
It was at this moment, he knew he fucked up. But let’s be honest, ok? He is standing behind the most beautiful person in the world, nostrils full of perfume, hair tied up, and has his left hand placed loosely on your thigh?! What was he thinking by wearing jogging pants when he was with you? He acted as if he didn’t know what you were talking about.
“You really don’t know?”
You kicked your backside out against him causing him to fall to the ground.
“Wow! Your legs are like jelly!”
“Why tease me,” He asked breaking out a small smile.
“You’re the one denying it.”
“Just get to it. I can’t wait any longer or else I’ll explode.”
The quiet ones are always the freakiest.
#hunter x hunter headcanons#hunter x 1999#hunter x hunter#hunter x meme#hunter x reader#hunter x 2011#chrollo x reader#chrollo x you#chrollo x y/n#hisoka x y/n#hisoka x reader#hisoka fluff#hisoka morow#hxh#illumi hunter x hunter#illumi zoldyck#illumi x y/n#illumi x reader#hunter x hunter x reader#hunter x hunter x you#hunter x hunter x y/n#chrollo lucilfer#hxh fandom#hxh 2011#hxh x reader#hxh hisoka#hxh illumi#hxh 1999#hunter x hunter imagines#hunter x hunter fanfiction
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hi nat! i know you don’t believe in kaylor anymore, but i wanted to send in my kaylor/joshlie theory, just as food for thought and fun speculation.
CW: ED
background:
back in 2017, i made a new friend. i quickly became kinda obsessed with her. i idolized how tall and skinny she was, her radiant sunshine-like presence, and the way she was so much cooler than me. something about her just drew me in like a magnet.
one day she told me that she was “bi-curious,” and i felt the unexplainable urge to tell her that i was queer too—so i did.
thus started our intense homoerotic friendship. we talked about everything, and she was rather touchy and flirty with me (we even hooked up a few times). but she was hung up on this dude who she’d been in a long-term off-and-on relationship with. looking back, i think she saw me as a willing participant in her experimentation phase—a source of casual fun while on a break from her ‘real’ relationship (plus, i came with the added bonus of helping her figure out her sexuality a bit).
meanwhile, i was serious about us because i was in love with her. as such, the relationship was obviously very unhealthy: neither of us had appropriate expectations of the other, and because of the imbalance in our level of commitment/love, she ended up inadvertently taking advantage of my friendship in ways that only increased my obsession with her. naturally, our friendship eventually imploded.
i think the kaylor story may look similar.
my theory on kaylor:
i think that kaylor had a very similar friendship as me and my friend. their connection obviously started out as pr, but they ended up getting along well and bonded. thus started their genuine friendship.
i think that their eating disorders were likely a strong source of bonding/connection for them, as this was the case for me and my friend as well. i wanted to emulate how skinny my friend was, just how i think taylor wanted to emulate how skinny karlie was. (remember the vogue best best friends video, in which taylor complemented karlie’s “shiny abs.”) this is obviously an unhealthy place to start a friendship: from day one, you are on uneven ground, where one person is essentially worshipping the other and seeing them as a god-like figure to emulate.
imagine that taylor in that sort of mindset with karlie. and on top of that, she’s attracted to karlie—obsessed with her skinny body, her sunshine-like personality, how sophisticated she is, how effortlessly successful she is, etc. she develops an infatuation with karlie. she wants to take karlie to big sur with her and play 1989 on the way, and she’s so obsessed with karlie that she wants to tell her the truth about the 1989 muse. (trust me, it’s feasible—i told my friend shit i’d never have even imagined confessing to another human, all because of how infatuated with her i was.) so taylor and karlie sit down, have an intensely emotional conversation about how taylor is bi, how the pressures of staying closeted gut her every day, how her relationship with the 1989 muse dianna was so full of strife due to closeting, etc. /// or maybe taylor feels that she must disclose her bisexuality to karlie before the big sur trip. she’s terrified that if she doesn’t tell karlie she’s bi, then karlie will somehow find out. and taylor’s afraid that then, karlie will be creeped out that a ~predatory lesbian~ invited her on a three-month sleepover, leading to the demise of their friendship. so taylor must avoid that outcome – so she must come out to karlie.
so, for either reason i described, taylor comes out to karlie. considering how scared taylor is to come out to karlie (since it might ruin their friendship, or karlie might maliciously out her to others now that she knows, etc.) and considering how generally poor taylor’s mental health was at the time, the coming out inevitably evolves into an intensely emotional conversation about taylor’s fears, insecurities, the pressures of being a closeted mega-celebrity, etc. perhaps karlie feels compelled to match the level of emotion and vulnerability, motivating her to tell taylor “i’m questioning if i might be a little bi too.” or perhaps taylor’s level of earnestness and rawness stirs up the illusion of intense emotions inside of karlie. so, karlie “comes out” to taylor – confessing that she’s questioning/bi-curious (for context, i think karlie is kinsey 1). /// (to show the validity of this possibility – this is how evangelical churches, such as the one shown in the 2006 documentary “jesus camp”, are able to convince children that they’re being overcome by the holy spirit, being prompted by god to break down in tears, etc. – psychologically speaking, when people are put into highly intense emotional situations, [such as taylor breaking down while coming out to karlie], their brains will feel inadvertent pressure to match the level of emotion. as such, their brains will either exacerbate existing relevant emotions, or create the illusion of relevant strong emotions. [this is probably especially true for karlie, since she is an empath and a people pleaser.]).
thus starts the “friends with occasional benefits” stage. karlie views the relationship as something casual, something that gal pals do sometimes, something fun to experiment with while she and josh are on a break, and maybe with the added bonus of helping her figure out if she’s actually a little bit queer.
but taylor falls hard. as i already said, i think taylor was infatuated with karlie’s personality, success, and skinniness. that’s why taylor is willing to engage in such an unhealthy and un-reciprocal relationship: she’s willing to tolerate josh’s presence, because her brain is so fixated on karlie that she’s willing to endure anything for her. taylor may even recognize that kaylor is doomed, but she’s so in love/obsessed that she can’t bring herself to care about anything other than the utter infatuation she feels in this present moment. (this was true of me and my friend – my friend would literally vent to me about her long-term on-again-off-again boyfriend, and i was willing to endure it because of how obsessed with her i was.) or maybe taylor’s somewhat in denial about josh. (this was also true of me and my friend – i had such a hard time conceptualizing that she had feelings for the man that my brain, to some extent, refused to fully grasp the reality of that.) or maybe taylor was even in denial about how intensely she loved karlie, convincing herself that she just really valued her platonic friendship (i also did this – it took me months to admit that i had a crush on my friend and admit that my level of obsession wasn’t normal gal pal behavior – even though i was already out to myself.) also keep in mind the eating disorder dynamic here – taylor looked to karlie as an idol regarding how to eat healthy, exercise, be skinny, and be successful. the mindset of people engaged in eating disorders tends to be obsessive and unhealthy to the extent of being willing to ignore reality / unknowingly refusing to accept reality, possibly including the reality of josh, if taylor feels like her skinniness is dependent on her connection with karlie.
so basically, karlie sees this as a gal pal fling, friends with the occasional casual benefit. taylor, conversely, is infatuated with karlie. one thing that really confirms this for me is kissgate. taylor was liking kaylor shipped tumblr posts shortly before kissgate – she obviously was feeling something for karlie that night. but karlie wasn’t committed to taylor to the same level – yes they (allegedly) made out, but karlie made out with josh immediately afterwards. /// to taylor, kaylor is a ship, an endgame. but to karlie, taylor is just a fun little pit stop, and she’s gonna go make out with her real boyfie immediately after.
eventually, the friendship inevitably implodes, leading to their breakup in 2016. some straw finally breaks the camel’s back on this relationship which was unhealthy and doomed from day 1.
now let’s look at lyrical evidence from repuation that supports my theory.
lyrical evidence from reputation:
ready for it
the bearding anthem. verses “he” are joe, as confirmed by the music video. chorus “you” is her fantasy idealized version of long-term kaylor.
there’s a reason that the “you” relationship (in the chorus) is happening IN HER DREAMS and not in real life – she pines for this committed and serious relationship with karlie, but that’s not reality.
but taylor has hope that it might happen – “i know i’m gonna be with you, so I TAKE MY TIME.” she imagines they’ll be friends-to-lovers, and she’s willing to wait as long as necessary for them to fully reach that lovers stage
this is a stretch, but “thief”/“robber” may refer to how she’s “stealing” karlie from josh lol. “touch me and you’ll never be alone” may also be a cheeky reference how taylor was like a temporary placeholder for josh – when karlie felt alone bc she and josh were on a break, taylor was like “touch me karlie, to keep you occupied while josh has left you alone. and oh yeah, if you end up in a relationship with me, then i promise that you’ll never be alone, bc i will commit to you, unlike that josh boy. i will be so much better than him, if you just let me.”
end game (but only the chorus/verse which taylor wrote)
“i WANNA be your endgame” – taylor is not in a committed relationship with karlie. as karlie sees it, they’re just fooling around. but taylor wants more than that: she wants to be karlie’s endgame.
“you and me would be a big conversation” bc they’re gay. (sorry joseph matthew alwyn, this line is not about you)
“i don’t wanna touch you …… like the other girls do” may be a reference to how karlie is gal pals with plenty of her female friends (example – her platonic yet very affectionate relationship with toni garrn). but taylor wants more than that – she wants their touches to be romantic rather than just platonic/occasionally casually sexual.
“i don’t wanna hurt you” – taylor fears that she’s bad news for karlie (a sentiment repeated in the first line of delicate, the bridge of i did something bad, etc.). this may be internalized homophobia – the predatory lesbian falls in love with her pure/innocent straight best friend and then corrupts her with homosexuality.
“but i ain’t tryna play” – taylor wants this relationship to be more than just the occasional fun/playful/casual hook up. she wants to be karlie’s end game.
“i hit you like ‘bang’, we tried to forget it, but we just couldn’t” may refer to the first time they hooked up. it was unexpected, just happened so suddenly (“like ‘bang’”). and they were just going to put it past them – sometimes friends hook up, it’s whatever. but taylor can’t move on from it.
“your body is gold” – self-explanatory. karlie is the gold rush girl, after all.
“you’ve been calling my bluff on all my usual tricks” reminds me of how i used to try to communicate my seriousness/love to my friend, but she’d laugh it off and assume i was joking. conversely, perhaps the “trick” is that taylor is pretending that she’s not super invested in karlie—maybe karlie is catching on to the fact that taylor is infatuated with her in a ~gay way~. taylor denies it, but karlie calls her bluff on that statement.
“here’s the truth from my red lips” – but in the music video, her lips aren’t red when she says this line. this may allude to all of the lying involved in her relationship with karlie (such as lying about just how in love with karlie she really was). or taylor may have her lips a different color because the truth has changed from the time she wrote this song to the time she’s filming the video – when she wrote this song, it was true that she wanted to be karlie’s endgame. but by the time rep era is here and they’re filming this video, the kaylor friendship is over, and it is no longer true that taylor wants to be karlie’s endgame.
i did something bad
just like in “ready for it”, i think the verses primarily refer to bearding (or maybe calvin/kimye, idk), but the chorus is about karlie.
“they say did something bad / then why’s it feel so good” – it is bad that she slept with karlie despite the fact that karlie is in a complicated long term relationship with josh. but the sex felt good ¯\_ (ツ)_/¯
“and i’d do it over and over and over again / IF I COULD” – this implies that taylor only did ~the bad thing~ a few times, and she was unable to do it more times, even though she wanted to. this lines up with my theory that she and karlie hooked up a few times (casually in karlie’s eyes), but taylor wanted it to be more than just a few times (she wanted to be karlie’s endgame). but they couldn’t get to that committed place of routinely having sex bc karlie was still low key hung up on josh.
this is a very unlikely reach but – “he says ‘don’t throw away a good thing’” – “he” might be josh speaking to karlie about their relationship.
in the bridge, taylor says that she is a witch being unjustly burned. the witch is burned because she is being accused of the sin of dark magic – this parallels josh accusing taylor of being a witch who committed the sin of sleeping with his girlfriend, or maybe even the sin of “corrupting” the pure straight girl karlie. furthermore, the bridge invokes religious imagery of purgatory. and tbh, religious imagery is almost always gay xoxo.
don’t blame me
“don’t blame me, love made me crazy” again implies that taylor has committed a sort of ~crime~, such as the ~crimes~ i just mentioned regarding the don’t blame me bridge.
“my drug is my baby” – the drug reference makes me think of dependency. the obsession and infatuation i experienced with my friend (and that i suspect taylor experienced with karlie) is sort of like a drug dependency – and just like a drug dependency, the need for each other is not reciprocal (the drug does not need you back).
“shaking, pacing, i just need you” implies that taylor does not have “you”, which is consistent with my theory that she wanted kaylor to be endgame whereas karlie was only willing to doing occasional gal pal hook ups.
“for you, i would cross the line” / “they say she’s gone too far this time” – sleeping with josh kushner’s ~innocent straight~ girlfriend certainly crosses a line, lol.
“i would waste my time” – as i mentioned in my ready for it analysis, taylor hopes that kaylor be friends-to-lovers. she’s willing to wait as long as necessary for them to fully reach that lovers stage, even though she recognizes that the relationship is doomed and thus a waste of time.
“my name is whatever you decide” – we don’t have to “girlfriends.” we can just be “friends with benefits” or “gal pals” or whatever name you decide, because i am so desperate to have you at all that i will accept you in any form.
“i’m insane, but i’m your baby” – acknowledging that this unhealthy relationship/infatuation she has with karlie is “insane”
“halo hiding my OBSESSION” – “obsession” (!!!!) (that’s what i’ve been saying kaylor was!!!). also, “halo” is a religious metaphor, and religious metaphors are always gay xoxo. and this is a reach, but as a victoria’s secret angel, karlie wears a halo.
“i once was poison ivy, but now i’m your daisy” – i’m sorry, but i’ll never get over the fact that karlie tagged the daisy as taylor, and then taylor drew a picture of a daisy in an identical position above the word “daisy” in the handwritten lyrics.
“for you, i would fall from grace / just to touch your face” – religious metaphors are gay xoxo!
delicate – unsure if this song is about karlie (i think it’s more likely about lily or even joe), but if it is about karlie, it does align well with my kaylor theory.
“this ain’t for the best” – doomed relationship due to josh, corruption of straight girl, karlie won’t commit, etc.
“we can’t make / any promises” – karlie can’t commit to taylor like taylor wants/needs
“is it cool that i said all that? is it chill that you’re in my head? cuz i know that it’s delicate” – is it cool that i have gay feelings for you, bestie, because i know we’re toeing a very delicate line between friends and lovers?
“third floor on the west side” – iirc, the master bedroom of karlie’s west side apartment was on the third floor
“do the girls back home touch you like i do?” – contrasting platonic girls’ touches to the type of touch taylor is giving her. (similar vibe to “i don’t wanna touch you …… like the other girls do” in end game)
“stay here, honey, I DON’T WANNA SHARE” – i don’t wanna share you with josh
“I PRETEND YOU’RE MINE ALL THE DAMN TIME” – implies that karlie is not hers all the time (because she’s josh’s)
“i like you …… i want you” – taylor is Yearning™ for a deeper/more serious relationship with karlie
look what you made me do
i don’t think this song has much substance, but it may draw on themes/emotions from the kaylor friendship break up.
“i don’t like your games” – i don’t like how you led me on, making me feel like we could be forever when, in reality, you were never going to commit to me because you loved josh
“don’t like your tilted stage” – this reminds me of the power imbalance i mentioned earlier: taylor was obsessed with karlie and idolized her. karlie did not reciprocate this dedication and infatuation. because taylor’s love for karlie is so much more intense than karlie’s love for her, the metaphorical scale is imbalanced, making it tilt.
“the role you made me play, of the fool” – you made me out to be a fool, ready to confess my undying love even though you could never reciprocate. // furthermore, the “role” may refer to how they had to act like platonic girl squad besties as per their pr arrangement (reminds me of how karlie publicly said “taylor and i are still besties” after karlie’s name wasn’t on the junior jewels shirt in the lwymmd mv, how karlie promo-ed the “Me!” filter on Instagram, the song closure, etc.)
“your perfect crime” – the crime of sleeping with taylor despite being low key still with josh
“i got smarter” – i began to realize how unhealthy this warped and imbalanced friendship was
“you asked me for a place to sleep / locked me out and threw a feast” – this may refer to karlie had a ~designated bestie sleepover room~ in taylor’s house, and that enty blind about how karlie used taylor’s credit card and that caused a feud lol
i do not think that “so it goes” is about karlie – it’s too reciprocal. i don’t think gorgeous is about karlie specifically – maybe lily or just women in general. and i agree with andy’s theory that getaway car is more so an exercise in storytelling than a song that contains substantive clues about her relationships.
king of my heart
we have the photos showing that taylor wrote/recorded this after facetiming with karlie to watch the sunset together. taylor wrote this right after that romantic coded date, presumably during a high point of their friendship/relationship – as such, this song is more idealistic than most other kaylor songs. taylor is hopeful about the future of a committed endgame kaylor. (but, we’ll also see that taylor does still have some insecurities about kaylor.)
“now you try on calling me baby like trying on clothes” – karlie is just “trying on” calling her baby. karlie is new to this whole wlw thing, and she won’t be wearing these metaphorical clothes (a wlw relationship) for long – she’s just trying them on. furthermore, “trying on clothes” may reference how karlie is a model.
“salute to me, i’m your american queen” – i think i remember from my ttb days (derogatory) that there’s a video clip of karlie calling taylor “the perfect all-american girl” whilst doing a salute.
“you move to me like a motown beat” may reference the “motown beats” instagram post where kaylor are putting on lipstick together
the fact that taylor includes the line “all the boys and their expensive cars … never took me quite where you do” may be a sign of taylor’s insecurity. i think this may be a message to karlie – ‘yes, josh is a rich boy with expensive cars, but look, we are so much better than joshlie is.’ calling josh a mere “boy” is also a funny little insult – he’s not a man, he’s just some silly little boy who can’t satisfy you like i can.
“body and soul” – i think it might be significant that taylor specifies body AND soul. they’re already connected by the soul through their close friendship – but now they’re connecting sexually with their bodies as well. conversely, this could reference how they’ve already connected bodily through casual gal pal hook ups, but now taylor believes that they’re starting to connect on that romantic soul level as well.
“school girl crush” gives me such unreciprocated crush vibes. maybe taylor’s crush was unreciprocated for a while, but she has reason to believe that their relationship is growing into ~more than just friends~, as she’s desired
“drinking beer out of plastic cups” – knicks game
“say you fancy me, not fancy stuff” – “fancy” could just be straight-bait to make swiftwyn beards look more convincing, or it could be a re-dedication of the song to joe (just how the bridge of dress re-dedicated that song to joe). (for context, i believe in swiftwyn beards-to-lovers.) but what’s important here is that “fancying stuff” made me think of how, as a model, karlie is like madona’s Material Girl. rich boy josh with his fancy cars can give karlie more “stuff” to satisfy her inner material girl, but taylor wants to show karlie that she can give her deeper fulfillment than that.
“this is enough” – this might be taylor reassuring herself that their relationship, despite being in a weird ~gal pals who hook up occassionally~ is enough. even though they’re not ~girlfriends~, the relationship is enough, because taylor believes that they’re working their way towards that ~body and soul endgame wives~ type of relationship.
“all at once” may refer to a seemingly sudden shift in the nature of their relationship – one day, they’re (infuriatingly) just gal pals who hook up, but all of a sudden, taylor has reason to believe/hope that maybe they’re starting to be more than that, maybe inching their way towards endgame territory.
i do not think that dancing with our hands tied is necessarily about karlie. it seems too reciprocal to be just about her; it might be an amalgamation of many relationships and how she frequently fears being outed.
dress
“a golden tattoo” – drake’s party. also, karlie is gold rush girl
“all of this silence, pining and anticipation / my hands are shaking from holding back from you / all of this silence, pining and desperately waiting” – once again implies that taylor does not have karlie the way she wants her. there’s “pining” because she wants more than karlie can give. and taylor is “desperately waiting” in hopes that maybe one day karlie will reciprocate her love to the full extent that she desires
“i don’t want you like a best friend” – self-explanatory
“carve your name into my bedpost” – taylor is making a request – ‘please commit, please leave a sign that you are committed to me forever, please be my endgame.’ note the dichotomy between this plea for karlie to take the initiative to make the carving, versus the statement in the first verse of how karlie inadvertently left “an indentation in the shape of” her. the indentation was not an act of karlie’s chosen will – taylor just so happened to fall in love with her, and now she’s asking karlie to reciprocate by making that carving.
“inescapable, i’m not even gonna try” – taylor is resigned to the fact that she’s fallen for karlie, even though the relationship might be doomed (as the next line demonstrates)
“if I get burned, at least we were electrified” – taylor is acknowledging that this relationship is low key doomed, and if anyone is going to get hurt, it’ll be taylor. taylor will be the one getting “burned” by the intensity of her infatuation, whereas karlie won’t be burned because she never reciprocated that intense love. /// going back to my commentary on “carve your name into my bedpost” – note how taylor frequently references karlie “claiming” her (with “marks”, “indentations”, “carvings”, and now “burns”), whereas taylor never states that she’s claimed karlie in any way. i think this may reflect taylor’s recognition that she has fallen much harder for karlie than karlie has for her. karlie does not bear marks, indentations, carvings, or burns from their relationship, because she was never as committed as taylor was. but taylor bears all those things because it is she who fell so hard for karlie.
“you kiss my face and we’re both drunk” reminds me of that trope where the gal pals only make out when they’re drunk because they’re convinced they’re actually straight. maybe karlie is one of those straight girls who only has so much capacity for wlw sex, meaning that it happens more often when she’s drunk than when sober.
i do not think that “this is why we can’t have nice things” is a direct karlie song. it may indirectly reference how karlie “broke” the “nice thing” that was their relationship by refusing to commit, but i don’t think that the song has anything substantive to show us about kaylor.
i’m not sure if i think “call it what you want” is a kaylor song. on some level, “fit like a daydream” does sound like eating disorder taylor idolizing karlie’s body, and it’s interesting to me how the subject of the song expresses virtually no devotion to taylor, whereas taylor spends the whole song telling the subject “call it what you want – call us girlfriends, gal pals, whatever you want as long as i can keep you.” this reminds me a bit of kaylor.
new year’s day
“don’t read the last page” because i know that this book has a sad ending. this relationship is doomed, and it’s going to end poorly. but let’s put that out of our minds – i’m to infatuated with you in this moment to think about how this will inevitably end.
“i stay when you’re lost and i’m scared and you’re turning away” – when karlie is “lost” (leaving taylor to go back to josh) or “turning away” from taylor to go back to josh, taylor stays. she’s scared that she’s going to lose karlie, but she’s still going to stay, because she’s willing to “waste her time” (don’t blame me) waiting for karlie to choose her.
“i stay when it’s hard or it’s wrong or we’re making mistakes” – taylor is willing to stay through the mess of their imbalanced and un-reciprocal relationship even when that inevitably gets hard. their relationship is “wrong” because karlie is josh’s, and maybe kaylor was a mistake because of joshlie, but taylor doesn’t care – she loves karlie too much, so she’s going to stay and wait for karlie to choose her.
“i WANT your midnights” – implying that taylor does not currently have them, because karlie is not reciprocating the level of love taylor is giving and wants in return.
“hold on to the memories” implies that this relationship will be ending soon (because it is doomed), leaving karlie only memories to hold onto.
“i will hold onto you” – this goes back to the theme of taylor’s obsession. karlie is her drug – she’s addicted to her, and she will “waste her time” eternally waiting for karlie to choose her because she’s that obsessed with her.
“please don’t ever become a stranger” – why is taylor worrying about this? because the relationship is doomed, and becoming strangers feels like this horrible yet inevitable ending that will be a part of “the last page”
thanks for reading, and sorry about any typos!
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SUBMISSION
I found this as part of my Insta ask era but let’s look over this for thoughts. Haven’t read it yet but I know anon was stressed it got lost (it did because y’all talk too much but also don’t stop I love it).
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The Moment I Knew
Based off of “The Moment I Knew” – Song by Taylor Swift
Tom Holland x Reader
<2k
Warnings: Just Angstyyyyyyy
A/N: This is Pt. 1 of 2 fics that essentially go together, but can be read separately. I’m just now starting to put my writing out on Tumblr and this is my second go and first time posting a Tom Fic! If you enjoy reading it, like, reblog, comment, or even follow! I may be posting for me, but hope you all enjoy it! <3
Read Part 2 here!
*Gif isn’t mine! Credits to owner
A Few Days Before Y/N’s Party
“You sure you’ll make it? Your agent will let you off for a few hours to celebrate my birthday?” Y/N asked worriedly as she finished some of the homemade decorations for her classy 22nd party.
“Alisha said that the interviews and press all finish around 4, so I will definitely be there for the 6 o’clock debut of the beautiful birthday girl!” Y/N could hear Tom beaming through the phone.
“You promise?”
“I promise,” Tom reassured Y/N.
“Okay! Yay! I love you! See you in a few days!” Y/N excitedly said as she wished Tom goodbye.
Day of Y/N’s Party
The lights were all strung, the food was nearly done, and Y/N had put on her sophisticated party dress with a coordinating red lipstick. It was actually Tom’s favorite shade on her.
Not only was today Y/N’s birthday, but it would be the first time this month that she would be seeing her famous boyfriend. He had been in the country for nearly a week, but had been so busy with press for Far From Home that he hadn’t had any time to see her.
Y/N glanced at the clock. It read 5 o’clock. Her phone had not rang with Tom’s tone all day after his happy birthday call in the morning and Y/N was starting to worry. She thought he would’ve been to her apartment by now.
ding-dong
Y/N quickly, but as ladylike as possible, rushed to the door. She really hoped it was Tom with his “baby, I’m right here smile.” She knew that her face would like up like a million shining stars if it was him.
“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” Haz, Zendaya, and a few of Y/N’s other friends yelled as she opened the door to see their faces.
Y/N put on her best smile, trying to hide her disappointment. She hugged each of her friends, offered them drinks, and gave the aux cord to Zendaya.
“Let’s get the party started!” Zendaya hollered as she put on one of her infamous playlists.
Y/N watched her friends have a good time. She let more people in as they arrived, hoping each time that it was Tom, but each time, she became a little more disappointed.
She tried her best to enjoy the party, but everything swirled around her in slow motion. She wasn’t really present. She played with her party dress, checked her red lipstick, but she didn’t have anyone to impress.
“Y/N/N! How’s Tom been?”
Y/N snapped out of her daze and turned towards her friend, Y/F/N.
“Oh um, he’s been good! Had a lot of press since the movie came out! I’m sure Zendaya and Jacob can attest to that…”
“Oh yeah! He’s of course the most busy…” Zendaya and Jacob start telling stories, but Y/N zoned out again.
It just hit her that Z and Jacob managed to make it and they had been doing different events all day as well. Checking her phone again, the analog numbers turned from 7:59 to 8:00, still no Tom.
The hours seemed to be passing by, but the thing about celebrity and important parties is that they never seem to end. By 10:00, Y/N just wanted to be alone. As she quietly excused herself and walked down the hall to her bathroom, Z, Haz, Sam, and Harry all exchanged looks knowing something was wrong. They grabbed her cousin, Y/C/N and followed her down the hall.
“Y/N/N? Are you okay?” Y/C/N asked, knocking on the door. She came in, sitting next to Y/N on the bathroom floor, the other four followed her in.
“Yeah. I’m alright. Just a little overwhelmed. You know how it goes!” Y/N answered, trying not to fall apart. However, a sinking feeling in her stomach started to set in.
She looks up at Y/C/N, Z, Haz, Sam, and Harry, “He said he’d be here…He promised…” she added, almost hopelessly.
“If he said he was going to be here, then I’m sure he just got tied up and will be here soon! He’s late to most things because of work.”
“He said Alisha booked everything to finish at 4, so he would get here before anyone else did. I won’t let it bother me though. It’s fine! Really guys! I swear!” Y/N insisted.
“Are you sure?” Z looked at her sadly.
“Yes! Common guys! Let’s go enjoy my party! I don’t want to keep everyone else waiting!”
Y/N stood up powerfully, trying to put on an even better face. She is not an actor though. Her boyfriend is.
Not fooling anyone who came to check on her, they willingly followed her back to the party. They all continued to have a good time and tried to cheer Y/N up, but everything continued in slow motion around her. She drank champagne, laughed when she was supposed to, and continued to check her lipstick just in case.
She took a moment around 11:00 to look around at all of the faces at her party. She did love each and every one of them, but in all of the faces, the one missing was the one that meant the most to her.
At that point, she couldn’t take it. The tears just started flowing. She knew everyone would look at her. But what can you do when you start crying in front of everyone you know? Luckily, Haz caught sight of her first. He got Y/N’s best friend Y/BF/N to steal Y/N away and he took the general attention of the party.
“hey, hey, hey, Bud, what’s wrong?” Y/BF/N tried to soothe Y/N.
“He was supposed to be here, Y/BF/N. He promised. I haven’t seen him in over a month and it’s my birthday and he said he would make sure. I just can’t do it anymore. I love him, but I can’t just wait around,” Y/N couldn’t help but sob harder.
“Y/N/N, I’m so sorry. I know how excited you were for today. Everything looks beautiful and you planned for so long. So, what we’re going to do is make it through this party. We are going to fix up your make-up, get through cake, and then you and I can watch all the movies you want. You can vent, you can scream, you can cry. You will get everything out. Okay? But do not let this ruin your birthday! Okay?” Y/BF/N held Y/N’s gaze as she took a few deep breaths.
All Y/N could do was nod her head in response.
Y/BF/N fixed up Y/N’s make-up so that it was as flawless as before and led her back out to the party. Haz was still telling funny stories and Y/N was able to sit back in the circle as if she had never left.
Haz slightly acknowledged Y/N’s presence and shifted his story telling to a story about her and their friendship. That did make Y/N smile. Even better, he left Tom out of the story. It let Y/N know that she did have a special relationship with the friends she had made through Tom over the last year and a half.
Y/N began to actually enjoy herself in the last hour of the party, that was until they sat her down, dimmed the lights, and lit the candles of her birthday cake.
The scene was in slow motion all over again. The dress that she knew Tom would love was no longer comfortable, she didn’t even bother with her lipstick anymore, he wasn’t there to impress.
She looked up quick enough to smile when all of her friends began singing ‘Happy Birthday to you,’ and as much as she tried to enjoy the moment, there was one thing missing in the entire scene. She couldn’t stop thinking about it as she inhaled to blow out her candles. That was the moment she knew, she just couldn’t keep letting herself get disappointed.
People started to leave and Y/N’s apartment emptied out. She hugged all of her best friends, including Haz, Zendaya, Jacob, and Tom’s brothers. When she finally shut the door for the last time, the clock chimed, letting her know that it was 12:30.
She leaned her head against the door as she went to lock the deadbolt. She felt a soft hand rubbing her back. Thank God that Y/BF/N did not leave her alone.
“Common, why don’t you put on some pajamas. You’ll be so much more comfortable that way,” Y/BF/N urged.
Y/N followed Y/BF/N to her room and took off her party dress. She avoided all of her baggy clothes that were Tom’s and after taking off her make-up, she flopped into bed.
“Okay! Movie time! We can watch The Other Woman or Legally Blond. Personally, I feel like we should watch Legally Blond because you are just as strong and powerful as Elle, so it’s fitting,” Y/BF/N rambled on.
Y/N just nodded her head as she buried herself into her covers, leaving space for Y/BF/N to snuggle in next to her.
The opening scenes played and Y/N finally started to feel relaxed. That was until her phone started vibrating. She was getting a call.
“Y/BF/N…It’s Tom…”
Y/N lifted her phone up to her ear with a simple, “Hello?”
“Y/N, love. Thank heavens you are still awake. I’m sorry I didn’t make it tonight,” Tom tried to apologize.
Before he could continue on, Y/N interrupted him, “I’m sorry too. Tom. I just can’t talk about this tonight okay? It’s going to lead to an argument and I just spent my entire birthday party being upset. I will talk to you tomorrow.”
With that, Y/N ended the phone call and burst into tears on Y/BF/N’s shoulder. The whole night just showed her what she needed to do. Her birthday gave her the moment that she knew.
#tom holland#tom holland fic#tom holland x reader#tom holland fanfic#marvel#mcu#spiderman#peter parker#peter parker x reader#kalimagik#first tom fic#enjoy!
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More Shiro-Sora things
I haven’t uploaded these tidbits to tumblr yet.
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—Catchphrases— Iroha says “nyaa” at times SeeU has a habit of saying “meow” Dex says “woof” sometimes Nigaito’s verbal tic is “gyuu” Miki says “Chun chun!” A lot... to be cute. Haku tends to say “Uwaah!” A lot. Uta’s catchphrase is “Yare yare...” (“Good grief...”) Taya’s catchphrase is “Is that sou, desu ne?” (“Sou desu ne” is basically “Is that so?” in Japanese. I combined the two. —Quirky behavior— Lapis carries around a toy wand and pretends to cast spells. Anon is just... chaotic neutral, in the way Luana and Isadore (OCs) are. She does things like eating Lunchables in the bathtub at midnight in the dark to prove that Lunchables float. Why midnight, and why in the dark? Because she doesn’t want dust bunnies to see her boobs. She’s also a very skilled mime. Kanon is wacky, and chaotic good. Like Luana and Isadore (OCs) but in a different way than Anon. She’s the type of person to immediately press a random button she found that says “Do not press.” She likes to annoy people with sound effects from her slide-whistle. She also likes playing dramatic kazoo. She also has clown skills, like juggling, and the ability to ride a unicycle. Teto is like Fuuko (Clannad) Taya is smart and dignified but... very clumsy and naive as well. Uta is badass, but kind of “chaotic dumb” in certain ways. Sometimes she forgets to do her homework while doing her homework. Don’t ask. Taya loves sweets, and his favorite is strawberry shortcake. He is also a good pastry chef... Uta is horrible at cooking! She is so horrible, that she makes things mega-explode! She is so horrible, she needs Taya to cook for her just so she can get by! Gakupo has some pretty sick ninja skills, just saying. Miki sometimes slips into “animated mode,” where she begins to act like a cute shoujo anime protagonist. Miki also sometimes runs with bread in her mouth when she’s late for school. When Ruko was late for school, she ran to school with an entire plate of breakfast in her mouth! Taya gets completely drunk after just a few sips of alcohol... Haku sure can hold her alcohol. She can beat everyone in a drinking contest... Nigaito is endearingly moe. He likes drawing pictures. Miki sometimes lends him cute manga about hamsters, his favorite animal. Ruby likes starfish for some reason. She always assumes every star-shaped item is supposed to be a starfish... Taya’s recorded voice has a tendency to break headphones. Nobody knows exactly why. Ruko is a very big eater. Akari likes stars. Ruby likes starfish. Piko likes stargazing. Yukari likes star celebrities. Nigaito likes the Big Dango Family song. Ruby tries to convince him that starfish are cuter and proposes the Big Starfish Family. Taya and Momo get into a rather heated argument over whether strawberries or peaches are better. Uta asks herself why she’s surrounded by airheads. Uta buys Taya a strawberry Squishmallow for his birthday. In no time, Taya is able to think of a personality and an extensive backstory for his new plush friend... Uta is impressed. Yukari fakes being mysterious and sophisticated to impress IA. It doesn’t work. —Funny Moments brainstorm!— Group chemistry! Misunderstandings... One time Taya tried playing Uta’s violin instead of his usual cello. He played an earsplitting tune and ended up breaking the violin. Not only does it just break, it comically explodes into little pieces! 46 of them to be exact... Taya mistook one of Akaito’s spicy habanero peppers as a new type of strawberry. He ate it, and it was so spicy that he temporarily lost the ability to speak.
“He’s just standing there... menacingly!” -Len, talking to Rin, referring to Kaito “Why did you set me on fire, Uta? Why didn’t you just write your essay?” -Taya ”Qingxian, I used your clarinet to unclog the toilet...” -Taya ”I am the darkness, I am the edge! I got this bruise falling from the ledge! Oh yeah!” -Zatsune “My voice is just naturally bass-boosted, I guess.” -Akaito ”You make the bass drop in my heart! I want to be together, with you.” -Yuuma, to Mizuki, in front of... everyone ”People all look the same to me. They all have two eyes, a nose, a mouth, arms, and legs. But Taya... you’re different. I can tell your soul apart.” -Uta “Take my hand... I’ll take you to a place where miracles happen.” -Taya. He was practicing lines from a short play he wrote himself. This captures Uta’s heart... “Take my hand... I’ll take you to a place where miracles happen... Now, shall we go?” -Taya, this time for real. He is reaching his hand out to Uta. He is trying to comfort her after an emotional moment. Both of them are about to cry. This is right before he confesses his love to her at the top of a hill under the stars.
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Random details- Taya is very polite, and selfless. He's always willing to do favors for people. He speaks in polite language. He bows at many occasions (Even in this universe that takes place in the USA, and not Japan.) He is humble as well. These may seem like quirks or obsessions as first, but it stems from his feeling of obligation to do things for people and "not be a burden," because he had friends and teachers who treated him like a burden before. When his anemia caused him to faint or miss classes, everyone treated him as a burden. When he starts hanging out with Uta, she comments on how he feels like a butler and tells him to loosen up, it's okay to be a bit more relaxed, and selfish even. Uta is pretty sarcastic, blunt, and sort of kuudere, so it'll be interesting to see her with the pure Taya Uta just lost her passion to depression, but that's touched on eventually/later She's all like "I hate life" but that's because of depression Taya tries to help out Uta and make her smile but... he ends up upsetting her... When Taya finds out how depressed Uta really is he starts crying for her and saying "I'm sorry..." and Uta is like "Why are you crying? Nothing is your fault..." And Taya apologizes again and says it's a habit that he feels responsible for his friend's sadness. Uta hugs him. "I haven't been able to cry for years, so I'm a bit jealous..." She says. "But... I still don't want you to cry though... I like to see your smile, ok?" Well I think the day Uta finally cries is when something bad happens to her but Taya comes and saves her and then confesses his love for her And then come the waterworks, from both of them! ——— There are magical moments where all 46 characters come together and do or create something. Such as a musical play. Do all 46 characters eventually become a gigantic group of friends? Imagine the 46 of them renting out an entire restaurant... and all taking turns performing karaoke! ——— List the backstories, secrets, sad hidden depth, tragedies, stories... and quirks! The quirks are how we grow to fall in love with these characters before we reveal the sadness. In the novel, it all ends happily... If it ever becomes a game, well... there would be a possible “good end” and possible “bad end”... ... Haku Yowane- Haku’s story is that she’s been lonely and insecure for most her entire life. Neru Akita- Neru’s story is that she has found herself alone and misunderstood for most of her days due to her temper. Miku Hatsune- Miku’s sincere, earnest dreams are crushed and she falls into a deep depression when she is diagnosed with an illness that will progressively damage her vocal chords. Miku never sang for selfish reasons. She sang out of love. She sang to connect others. She now compares herself to a caged bird, or one with broken wings. She wants to write a song about it... but she would rather have her final song be a happy tribute to all those who have helped her. Luka Megurine- Is Luka slowly fading away from this world somehow? Teto Kasane- Is Teto a spirit or something or other? Gumi- Gumi was bullied a lot since she was young, which traumatized her. Now people show her the tiniest bit of dislike, she panics or cries. Meiko Sakine- Meiko’s parents were neglectful, leaving her to have to mature on her own. Lapis Aoki- Is Lapis simply a wish fragment? Merli Aoki- Merli is still traumatized by the tragic death of her parents. Lily- Lily wants to change her image to someone more tame. She originally became a delinquent in middle school due to her parents’ constant fighting. IA- IA’s parents are divorced. It started after her mother had a miscarriage. She would’ve had a little sister named IO. Yukari Yuzuki- Yukari feels very insecure a lot... Uta Utane- Depressed, and doesn’t see much in life. Usually bored and glum. Once a bright girl with lots of dreams. Deep inside, she is passionate and caring, really… Can it be restored? Miku Zatsune- Insecure and hates Miku Hatsune for being more popular than her... Rin Kagamine- Rin has a mysterious connection to Len. Whenever Len is sick, Rin gets sick too. If Len were to die, Rin will suddenly die as well. Len Kagamine- Len has a mysterious connection to Rin. Whenever Rin is sick, Len gets sick too. If Rin were to die, Len will suddenly die as well. Kaito Shion- Kaito is actually an adopted child... not from this world... and doesn’t belong... Akaito Shion- Dell Honne- Dell is usually in a bad mood. He currently lives with a father who barely acknowledges him. He tends to keep it all inside, and he’s really just lonely and needs to find someone to vent to. Gakupo Kamui- Yuuma- Piko Utatane- Piko is a shy and compassionate person, but whenever he opens his mouth, he sounds very strict. He is bad at socializing and making friends, which leaves him quite lonely. On top of that, he is sickly and absent from school often. Piko wishes to make a friend. Mizuki- Nigaito Shion- He is sickly and is usually under the weather... Dex- Daina- Ruby- Taya Soune- Thinks of himself as a burden... Longya Yuezheng- His younger sister Ling nearly got into a tragic accident when they were younger, traumatizing Longya. Ling Yuezheng- She feels lonely that she doesn’t have many friends and is devoting her life to studying. Momo Momone- Is always passing out randomly... SeeU- Has a mysterious illness. Ruko Yokune- Ruko was always insecure about their height, six feet and two inches tall. They always wanted to be petite and feminine, but their body wouldn’t stop growing. Ritsu Namine- Ritsu used to be a bully. He remains to have a tsundere attitude... Deep inside, he has an earnest wish to apologize to everyone he ever hurt. Ruko is one of the few people who understands and knows this about Ritsu. In his childhood, he bullied Gumi for being a “coward.” Now he wants to apologize, but... Miki- Miki is too idealistic. She sees the world through rose-tinted lenses... but what happens when those lenses shatter? Aku Yamine- She wishes to have magic... she hates the state of the world. She hates evil, which is ironic... considering her name is pronounced like the Japanese word for evil. She wishes to cast out the darkness... which is ironic because her last name has the kanji for dark. Because of this, and because she tends to be a nuisance, Aku feels as if she is just a curse. Bruno- Bruno’s mother died when he was young. Clara- Clara was bullied a lot as a child. Iroha Nekomura- Yuu- Wil- Kyo- Akari Kizuna- Cheerful and sweet, and wants to make others smile… even though many heavy thoughts are hiding behind her own smile. Qingxian Mo- Being self-absorbed, Qingxian eventually begins to take advantage of Taya’s generosity and inclination to do favors. She may seem a somewhat spoiled brat, but she is lonely... Anon- Kanon- ——— College dorm antics... ——— Supernatural elements? Does the world have magical properties? How about the characters?
List them here...
All 46 characters mysteriously acquires a crystalline “star fragment” sometime during their journey. There are 46 pieces in total. Each character mysteriously acquires one when they are fulfilled. The fragment is from their heart. At a climax scene where all 46 are present, all the pieces are put together to form a beautiful kaleidoscopic star in 46 colors. This crystalline rainbow star can grant a grand wish, any wish... What will everyone agree will be their wish?
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Since I'm actually using Tumblr now I guess I have to talk a lil bit about myself so we get to know each other better- I'm here to make friends too just so ya know and also remember I'm new to this so please be nice :)
Ok so uh, first my name (??) My real life name is Maria but most people online call me Skye (especially people that don't know me very well) and I'm 14 years old, I turned 14 last summer. I come from Greece, so my English won't be flawless (I may have grammar errors and don't expect too sophisticated vocabulary 💀) I enjoy writing and watching anime, but of course Mystic Messenger is my life. I'm not really sure if I can call myself a weeb since I've only watched 6 animes (Mob Psycho 100, Banana Fish, Noragami, Yuri on Ice!!!, Demon Slayer, Hoshiai No Sora) my whole life- My favorite one is Demon Slayer, I haven't read the manga yet so don't you dare spoil me 🤡.
Other than that I guess I've made it obvious by now that I'm unhealthily obsessed with Jihyun Kim lol. I love him so much and I don't know how bad I've made it look like here so I'm sorry if it's sometimes too much for you. I don't know if I'll be using this to post vents about him or to just scream and be horny so 🤡. Remember that if you don't want to see my posts you can always block me, I understand if you're not comfortable with my shit (sometimes I look at my posts and I feel uncomfortable myself). Hell you can even hate on me if you want, but do not ever talk shit about V. I will choke you to death I'm not even kidding. Yes I respect your opinion yes you're free to express it but let me talk about my blog now
First of all, this isn't a Jihyun fan blog. Most of the posts you'll be seeing will be about him (and most of them will be reblogs!) but I didn't make this for him. You may also see reblogs from anime if I find something I particularly like. If you're a Jihyun stan you're so welcome here (and also please DM me?? I'd LOVE to be friends with someone who understands me as nobody really appreciates him enough on Instagram). If you're a Rika stan, please leave. I don't wanna be mean but I despise her and I may not post good things about her lmao. Now if you get offended sorry, just block me and forget I existed. Do not comment hate, I couldn't care less about how much you love the snake, most of y'all's arguments are illogical anyways. I hate RikaxV and JuminxV too (pretty much every V ship that's not with MC, I can explain if anyone wants me to but I'll keep it for some other day) so this may not really be a safe blog for you if you ship these srry, consider blocking me :/ (even though I feel like I won't really hate on either unless you give me a reason to)
That's all I can come up with right now?? I guess this isn't even really informing you but it's all you need right now 💀
So see ya- uwu
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