#i never thought i'd rewatch either ever again

[moongothic]

So I rewatched the entirety of the Baroque Works saga for the first time in quite a few years, and before that I did also finaly watch MelonTeee's video essay about the East Blue Saga. And naturally I am now plagued with some Thoughts™

So in her essay (which you should go and watch if you haven't already, let's be real) MelonTeee discussed how one of East Blue's key themes was people's treasures, be it items, dreams and most importantly other people, and the way people are willing to sacrifice their lives or their own dreams to protect those who are dear to them. Rewatching Baroque Works Saga, the key, long running themes I picked up on were that of

Trust and betrayal (Laboon at the time being under the impression that his friends had betrayed him and left him to rot at Reverse Mountain; Whiskey Peak is all about backstabbing people; Little Garden was about Dorry and Broggy's friendship being too strong for either party to believe the other had betrayed them; Croc's trust issues in Alabasta being his ultimate downfall)

Friendship and unbreakable bonds (Laboon's new bonds with Luffy and co; Dorry and Broggy again; the comparison between Chopper trying to say goodbye to Luffy and co only to be denied vs Vivi's farewell)

What makes a country, a good ruler and if/when is overthrowing a ruler justified (Drum and Alabasta explore these together)

And perhaps most importantly, protecting that what is important to you. And that one in particular I feel like is the Alabasta arc's main theme on its own, as it comes up over and over again.

The Rebel Army wants to protect their country from their "corrupt king" by overthrowing him; the King wants to protect his people from needless bloodshed and tries to avoid combat; Vivi wants to protect her people but also her friends and can't find the strenght to beg them for help lest they get hurt on her behalf; Luffy wants to protect his friends and Vivi so they don't get killed by the likes of Crocodile. Protecting those you love is an important theme in this arc, it is the arc's very heart as the conflict is was born out of that love. And that's why it's so interesting to me how Crocodile's motif seems to be being a protector, a guardian. And I'm not just talking about the "Croc is based on Sobek the Egyptian crocodile headed protector god" and "Guardian of Alabasta"- if that was all then I'm not sure I'd even go as far as to call it a "motif" for him, but it comes back to haunt us again in Marineford with the ever legendary

And that is just... curious. Because Crocodile as we know him is just Some Asshole with no weaknesses and nothing he cares about except for his own ambition. So being a protector being his motif, of all fucking people, is really interesting. Like, One Piece doesn't really do shallow villians, there's always a reason to why a character has become the way they have and why they're doing what they're doing.

Kaidou was raised in an environment where one justified the reason for their existence through strenght and combat alone.

Doflamingo hates the world and wants it to just fucking burn because he never let go of the entitlement of being a World Noble.

Lucci was brainwashed into becoming a warrior for absolute justice since he was a small child.

Arlong watched his people suffer from the oppression of humans first hand and that hatred consumed his heart.

Wapol was a spoiled nepobaby manchild who thought he should be allowed to do whatever the fuck he wanted because he's King.

Why the fuck is Crocodile the way he is. Why does he want to create a utopia, a military nation powerful enough to rival the WG itself. What has driven him to to strive for that goal. Why is being a protector his motif.

East Blue explored the things you are willing to do and the lenghts you're willing to go for your "treasure", the ones you love and care about. And Alabasta is about protecting them; even if not called that explicitly, Alabasta is about protecting your treasure. On one hand, having the man with no treasure, nothing and no one he wants to protect, as the primary antagonist of the arc that about protecting your loved ones is a great juxtaposition. Like there is an argument to be made that the reason Crocodile lost is because he had nothing to lose, while everyone else in the arc had everything to lose in this conflict and thus couldn't afford it, as they'd be left with nothing. And, looking at Alabasta on its own, as a standalone arc, that does work. But when you look at One Piece as a whole, when you look at everything that came before and after, I can't help but to feel that can't be the case, can it? Surely Crocodile has something he did want to protect after all?

[thatonebirdwrites]

Realized a truth yesterday about how far I have come in my healing

My abuser destroyed my love and joy of writing. I've alluded to this story off and on, but honestly, the only time I ever came close to encapsulating the horrors of that time was the poetry I wrote during therapy.

In fact, the only things I wrote in this dark period of my life was either:

Poetry, which came at a great price.

Essays that I treated like a college assignment.

For several years, attempts to write anything were physically painful. I couldn't write my original fiction at all. Attempts to write fiction left me in spirals of panic, where I drowned in the flashbacks of my abuser.

The one consistent thing in my life had been stolen from me.

It slowly ate its way into everything I wrote, until I could barely write journal entries, and I've written in journals since first grade.

I tried everything to repair this, but that looming abyss of horror obliterated my attempts each time.

One of my chosen family offered a suggestion I'd never considered.

"Bird, what if you write fanfiction?"

But how does one undo years of hurt? Could fanfiction be the key to rediscovering a loophole in my trauma?

When I asked my chosen family, one of them countered with a question, "If there was one thing about a favorite show you'd change, what would it be?"

"Asami needed more screentime to explore her trauma," I replied. "Oh, and Lena and Kara from Supergirl deserved to kiss at Alex's wedding."

"Well, go write that."

Which sounded utterly terrifying. So I dabbled and wrote shorts to familiarize myself with the lore, but that wasn't helping me. It only spun me in circles. I kept tumbling back in the terrifying void that the abuser had hurled me into years ago.

Fanfiction was meant to be shared, right?

So I wandered to AO3, and I read a Korrasami story by Paxbanana. Then I read a supercorp story by @snowydragonscave.

Each word those authors painted on the page spilled hope into my veins. I discovered other stories through the tags on these tales.

These stories on AO3 brimmed with creativity, amazing talent, and lit the flames of a tenuous hope.

Maybe I could find my way back to fiction writing.

Maybe I could eventually return to my original SF novels.

Fanfiction might just be that loophole.

So I took tentative steps in the Korrasami fandom because it's smaller, quieter, and older than Supergirl's. The first fics I posted were not up to my usual writing standards, but it'd been so long since I really exercised my fiction writing muscles.

When I panicked about whether to share or not, my Legendfire chosen family deluged me with words of support. Reminded me that no matter what the response was, I deserved to be heard.

So I posted my fics to AO3 for the first time. The trickle of kudos and kind comments startled me.

People liked what I wrote?

It wasn't even good, I thought.

So I tentatively wrote more.

Then, after a sixth rewatch of Legend of Korra, I found myself wondering, "What if I rewrote Book 2 so that Korrasami happened by the end of it?" Then I wondered if there was a way to reveal Raava's tale piecemeal to Korra and the reader, and thus Book 2 of Shared Moments was born.

I wrote at a feverished pace because I was terrified that if I dared to stop and rest then I'd lose my ability to write fiction again, where the claws of my abuser's legacy would suffocate me once more.

Not a healthy approach, especially as my fear of loss almost burnt me out mentally and physically.

A new approach appeared after a week long, forced break from writing. I randomly read a ficlet by @fazedlight, and felt so compelled that I wrote a follow-up from Lena's perspective.

Not my best work honestly, but it taught me an important lesson. I don't have to write feverishly in a desperate bid to cling to the act of writing.

It hadn't left because I took a break (mind you, the break was partly due to a week long hospital stay, but that's not the point).

I was still able to write after a break.

The claws of my abuser had started to fade.

So I snatched up Kate and Kia from my original science fiction novel -- The Lost Ones -- and dived into a scene with them.

That was a mistake. It set me back. Panic soaked my neurons, dissociation stalked me, and I almost deleted all my fanfiction and nuked my AO3 and Tumblr from the agonizing pain of that set-back.

That's when I got a surprise message from a Korrasami fan @snazzy-korra, who wrote a wonderfully kind message. (Which became the start of a beautiful friendship). That saved me from my own urge to self-sabotage my own healing.

I put away all the original writing, and acknowledged I had not healed enough for it.

But fanfiction?

I could still write that, even if I never felt fully satisfied with the prose. So I returned to carefully staying in the fandom lane. I suspect this journey is why my fanfiction focuses heavily on healing.

A few weeks after that fateful start of a new friendship, I found some GIFs on Tumblr from Supergirl Season 4. The idea for the scene formed, and I tentatively wrote it and posted to AO3.

Also not my best writing. Honestly, I didn't really like it at first. I knew I write it better. That I had written better prose in the past, but I couldn't get past that suffocating terror of loss yet.

I named the fic Confession, and it became my first Supercorp fic on AO3. The amount of kudos and comments on that fic deluged me, and I almost drowned in the shock.

Korrasami felt like friends whispering stories to each other around a campfire.

Supercorp was a whole-ass writing and reading community that felt as big as a city.

To say I was a bit intimidated at first? Maybe terrified? Is putting it lightly.

But then I read more fanfiction by fazedlight, snowy, @luthordamnvers, nottawriter, and others. (One of them shared a link to a supercorp server, and I have a bad habit of collecting discord servers only to lurk out of fear of revealing how broken I am).

Little by little, fanfiction began to heal what I thought had become too shattered, too broken for me to ever recover.

Maybe writing could be a joyful act again.

At that time, I wasn't there yet. My soul still hurt. I still trembled in fear, shrouded in dissociation, lost in a feverish fog, desperate for any nugget of hope that healing was possible.

I didn't really understand how to interact with readers that first year of fanfic writing, and I made mistakes thinking I could befriend people. I still make that mistake, and I often end up hurt by it.

I didn't have to try to appease these readers and live up to what was impossible expectations that I set on myself. I didn't understand yet that fanfiction writing didn't mean I had to keep writing a story when reader's demanded.

Part of the healing process is relearning trust in my own mind.

I'm not there yet. I'm better, yes, but the healing is not a linear process.

A few months ago, I re-learned the lesson of how nonlinear healing truly can be. I reacted badly to someone who left a bizarre and accusatory comment on the most vulnerable fanfic I've ever written -- my Shattered fic.

Shattered was a fic where I poured my heart and soul into exploring my pain and healing, where I dared to share that with others in this fictional lens. I had not done this since before my abuser.

The accusations in the comment (and DMs) triggered massive flashbacks. I panicked, dissociated, and spiraled into a dark place, especially after reading the claim that 'that no one can stop another from writing.'

My wounds still bleed at times, where for several years of my life, my writing was stolen from me, ripped from my hands, torched by abuse, until I was nothing but a husk of a person.

This happened in the same week as my disability healing, and both threatened to torch my healing progress.

I came very close to deleting my AO3 account and Tumblr yet again.

Yet this time my friend, Raveneye's random picture of a cat reminded me of a crucial truth:

Reach out when in crisis.

@fazedlight and @nottawriter came to my aid right away, faster than even my LF chosen family (which is impressive). They talked me through the panic. They provided support when my mind was on fire, when I dissociated so bad that I lost days if not an entire week of time. Their encouragement and kind words prevented a major backslide in my healing.

While they helped me on that front, my LF chosen family showed me the evidence that my perception of reality is accurate.

That two-pronged approach rescued me from spiraling into a very, very dark place. (The disability hearing being that same week really was the icing on a major trauma cake.)

That incident is life reminding me yet again that healing is a nonlinear journey, but it's not one we must walk alone. We can reach out to others for support.

We may not know one another's stories until those stories are shared with each other, and even then, it's often not the full story. it takes time and effort to truly listen and seek common ground.

That's not easy to do, so finding a community of people who holds space for a shattered, broken husk of a person like myself? Where I mess up more than I can count? Who struggles against the spiral of panic and dissociation?

I never thought I'd ever find community again.

I realized recently that a piece of me still believed my abuser's claims that I'm unworthy of such care, that no matter how much love or support or hope I try to share with others, no matter what I write, no matter how hard I try to heal -- I was doomed and too broken for care or support.

But so many people have, often without realizing it, taught me that my abuser is wrong.

I am worthy of care and support.

And yes, it is possible to hurt someone enough to suffocate the words from them.

Because it happened to me.

But it's also possible to heal someone enough to rekindle their spirit.

Because that too has happened to me.

Re-learning how to write from my heart and soul? That is an ongoing journey I continue to this day.

It's why I write Shared Moments.

It's why I write Shattered.

It's why I write this meandering post. What I shared here is the tip of the iceberg of my journey. It's not the full story, as it can't be. That is beyond my ability to write in a nonfiction setting.

I can only share tidbits like this here and there.

But I am slowly rediscovering the heart of my writing -- where I explore my story through fiction. Where I explore themes I care about through fiction. Where I explore justice and healing and hope through fiction.

Can I lose all this yet again?

It's possible.

But I realized yesterday that even when people hurt me, intentionally or unintentionally, I no longer face it alone. Yes, sure, I might be physically isolated due to my disability, but through the power of the Internet, I found community despite that.

My abuser sought to rip me from my communities, from my Legendfire Chosen family, and slowly kill me. She almost succeeded, and for a few years, she did succeed in killing the one joy in my life -- writing.

But I found that joy again.

And I found it in fanfiction. Yes, it is true that I am still too hurt to write original fiction yet. This haunts me still, but I'm a step closer.

I have rebuilt connections with other people. I've found a new community who have been kind and welcoming. Who put up with my weirdness and fractured mess of a mind, who listen when I overshare, who let me listen to them in turn, who write with me, who share supportive messages.

When I mess up, they give me grace, accept my apology, and we work through it. When they hurt me, I do my best to offer the same, to try not to let the trauma speak for me.

Because of them, I have a fighting chance at surviving any future painful events.

Never underestimate the power of your words. Never underestimate the power of your presence.

I am here today, writing this, because of people whose writing and kindness helped me weave my spirit together again.

And to those people, I will forever be thankful.

May they never forget how amazing, how awesome, and how powerful they truly are.

Take care, and keep on writing, friends.

[genshingorlsrevengeance]

(Genshin Impact) Rosaria, Shenhe, Eula, Beidou, and Hu Tao reacting to Reader being romantically dense

No one requested this, rewatching Mobile Suit Gundam: The Witch from Mercury inspired this. For reference, this is Reader's stance on dating/marriage that they tell the gals.

Rosaria stops drinking from her mug the moment she processes what (Y/N) says.

(Rosaria) "...What?"

(Y/N) "If I'm going on dates when I'm married, I'd be cheating on them!"

She stares at (Y/N) in utter disbelief.

(Rosaria) "Just what exactly do you think getting married entails?"

(Y/N) "We say our vows, and we live together...Um...That's it, right?"

(Rosaria) "Oh for Bartabos's sake..."

Rosaria doesn't even know where to begin with this. Too bad she can't get drunk because she needs it right now.

(Rosaria) "Look, dating and marriage aren't completely separate things. You can go on dates with the person you're married to."

(Y/N) "Y-You can?!"

She blinks a few times before sighing loudly and continuing.

(Rosaria) "Yes. Yes you can."

It was kind of cute to hear (Y/N)'s thoughts on romance. Their naivety was endearing. But Archons help her if she ever tried dating them. Was that even possible?

Shenhe tilts her head slightly upon hearing (Y/N)'s statement.

(Shenhe) "Is dating when you're married considered cheating?"

(Y/N) "I think it does, because how can you go on dates with people when you're already with someone?"

Shenhe ponders to herself for a moment.

The gears in Shenhe's head begins working overtime as she connects the dots of all the information (Y/N) has told her about relationships.

When people marry, they stay together. When you date someone, you're looking for someone to stay with. Therefore, if you date while you marry, you don't want to stay with the person anymore. And that's wrong.

(Shenhe) "...That does make sense."

(Y/N) "Right?"

(Shenhe) "Thank you for the information. If I am ever to be wed, I will make sure not to do such a terrible thing."

(Y/N) "You and me both!"

And now, Shenhe and (Y/N) believe this to be true wholeheartedly.

No one had the heart to tell either of them how dating and marriage actually works.

Until The Traveller and Paimon have to sit them down and have a long conversation with them of the workings of relationships, because clearly (Y/N) didn't know any better than Shenhe.

Eula stops completely in her tracks and turns to face S/O, her right eyebrow threatening to fly off in surprise by being raised so high.

(Eula) "Come again?"

(Y/N) "What?"

(Eula) "How is going on dates when you're married cheating?"

(Y/N) "Because you're going on dates with other people, that's hurtful to whoever you're married to!"

(Eula) "And the times people go on dates with their spouse?"

(Y/N) "People do that?"

(Eula) "...(Y/N). You are attending classes on relationship etiquette twice a week starting now."

If she were bolder, she'd date (Y/N) just as an 'example'.

But she had to put her feelings for them aside for now, there was an absolute crisis happening.

And that was (Y/N)'s complete lack of knowledge of what being in a relationship even was.

Eula never thought she'd be grateful for all the things she was forced to learn when she was younger.

Part of her thinks it's kind of endearing (Y/N) was so innocent, but there was a fine line between innocence and complete ignorance.

And honestly, Eula was scared by (Y/N)'s combination of both.

(Beidou) "Say what now?"

(Y/N) "Cheating is wrong, Beidou!"

(Beidou) "No no, I got that part. What was that first thing you said?"

(Y/N) "I can't go on dates when I'm married?"

(Beidou) "Okay, so I heard that right. WHAT?!"

(Y/N) "What's so confusing about that?"

(Beidou) "Confusing? People go on dates all the time when they're married! I don't even date and I know that!"

(Y/N) "H-How are so many people okay with cheating?!"

Beidou's hand goes over her face, her fingers tracing over here eyepatch as she starts laughing.

(Beidou) "Oh you sweet child. (Y/N) people go on dates with the people they married. Well, most of the time anyway."

(Y/N) "How do you know, have you ever been on a date?"

(Beidou) "W-Well, no but-"

(Y/N) "Then how do you know?!"

(Beidou) "Because I have common sense! Okay okay, look. We'll ask around the Crux just so you're not taking my word. HEY, I NEED EVERYONE'S ATTENTION REAL QUICK!"

Beidou and the entire crew of the Crux have to teach (Y/N) how dating and marriage works.

It was...an interesting time for everyone involved, to say the least.

...

(Beidou) "Archons, it took SUCH a long time to get it through them..."

(Ningguang) "...Why exactly are you telling this to me?"

(Beidou) "Because I'm drunk, I need to rant, and you're the closest person."

(Ningguang) sigh

Hu Tao starts laughing when she hears (Y/N)'s stance on dating.

(Hu Tao) "Hah! Oh man, that's a good one!"

(Y/N) "But...I'm serious?"

(Hu Tao) "Whaaaa? Come on now, you gotta be pulling my leg."

She stared at them for a while, before her smile quickly faded.

(Hu Tao) "...Oh my Archons, you're serious."

(Y/N) "Well, yeah! I don't wanna cheat on the person I marry. Shouldn't everyone feel that way about the person they love?"

(Hu Tao) "I think so too, but...dating when married is cheating?"

(Y/N) "Well when you're dating, you're going with different people, right? I can't do that when I'm married."

Hu Tao is silent for a moment before bursting into even harder laughter, confusing (Y/N) even more.

(Y/N) "What exactly is so funny about this?"

(Hu Tao) "Whew, hahaha...! Ow, stomach hurting! A-Anywho, (Y/N) you realizing going on dates and marriage goes hand in hand, right?"

(Y/N) "But how?"

(Hu Tao) "Know what? I'm not the resident expert on this, but I know who would be! Let's go grab Zhongli!"

Hu Tao takes great enjoyment watching (Y/N)'s world on dating come crashing violently down as Zhongli calmly recites how it actually works.

She does her best to chime in to make sure they actually understand as (Y/N) is undergoing a trial of romantic faith and everything they've known is coming into question.

[ren-rambles-often]

"Love, or Something Ignites" might just be the best goyuu fic ever!!! let me explain!!! (Thoughts and Review)

Some quick context but cuz this review was already going to be pretty long without my flashback sequence so pls scroll down to the red text if you don't want to hear my history of opinions with JJK and its ships.

I've been deep in the goyuu tag since the beginning of the year, which I found kind of strange at first since I watched S1 way back in 2022 and did not give much of af about the whole show.

I kicked my feet a bit at SukuFushi,  tried to like it more, and even searched out a couple of fics but they just weren't giving AT ALL.

At the start of 2023 I watched jjk 0 and I was kinda hyped to get back into the show, but my shipping heart still ached for something to latch onto so I went on AO3 and picked up the first fic I found. Surprise, surprise, it was a goyuu fic featuring role reversal. I wouldn't say I liked it but it did tickle something in my brain I would have explored if I wasn't neck deep in my bakudeku era at the time.

Then S2 happened and it all just sorta clicked for me. Before then I'd mainly been a SukuIta believer, I didn't frequent their fics but I DID gobble up their twincest doujins like I was starved when I had the time. 2nd cour of S2 coming out practically sealed Goyuu for me, I'd always felt there was a bit of something I saw between them but Yuuji screaming out for Gojo in that last frame...just...*chef's kiss*

I didn't go back to rewatch S1 where a majority of their reactions were like some diehard fans would but the clips and screencaps I've come across now and again are enough to solidify for me that yes! They are made for each other!! (Hope the wrong stsg fans don't find this ◉‿◉)

I'd really love to go on and on about their dynamic but this was supposed to be about my February fic of the month, "Love, or Something Ignites" by lainebee.

Like I said, I've been deep in the tags and the only others I think that come close to this one are "No Sanctuary" by eddie01 and both world's sequels.

Now I'm not saying there aren't other good ones, like I'm just halfway through the hundred and something AO3 pages of their ship tag, so there's a lot I've yet to see. Still, this is a sorta subjective review and I just hope to spread the word of this masterpiece and maybe meet others who've read it so we can fan together in the comments.

(Now that's all out of the way, there will be mild spoilers and also warnings for; omegaverse, mpreg, and voyeurism so let's hop to it (✿^‿^)

The fic is set in a historical Japan au where Yuuji and Sukuna are brothers, with Sukuna being much older and ruling over a kingdom in the south. Thing is, he's constantly at war with the Gojo clan cuz these two mfs are just built like that in every verse. Shit happens and they come to a truce and as a sign of goodwill Sukuna offers Yuuji, his recently presented omega brother, as a gift (I honestly thought Yuuji was like 16 or 17 but he's 19 so like whatever idc (╥﹏╥)

"So what's the problem?" you might ask, well aside from the obvious marriage of convenience plot, Gojo doesn't give a fuck, he's still hung up on Geto (kinda tho, it's complicated but they aren't in love) and he's pretty much intended to go through it for show.

But that's not the end; not only do our boys have no feelings for each other and have never even met, but THING IS... Sukuna has demanded a public consummation cuz he's a bastard like that and we love him for it. Worry not there's no fucking on a stage for everyone to watch...just fucking in a 'room' for a handful of witnesses to watch from behind those dresser screen things (vocab not working lol).

The fic is definitely kinda long and tho there are some slow-burn vibes a lot of it essentially takes place in ONE FUCKING DAY. My first assumptions going into this were, "pacing issues???" and "oh the author is going to either insta love them, make them fuck and spend the rest of the fic doing fluff, or they will fuck with some angst then spend the rest falling in love."

Color me surprised when yeah, they did fuck but that was one or two chapters from the last of about nine.

You expect this kind of shit to feel rushed as fuck but the writing is so fucking divine that you never feel like putting it down. There's always so much going on but time is never wasted dwelling on one subject for too long, it's fast, it's funny, and the characters and setting are constantly giving the energy you know and love from the original show but probably two times better.

One of the things I noticed a few GoYuu writers struggle with is accurately reflecting Gojo cuz he's actually an enigma and arguably one of the most complex characters in the show with a broad range of emotions. He doesn't particularly fit one kind of vibe whereas for everyone else you can pick one or something close to it. Gojo on the other hand goes from one end of the spectrum to the other pretty quickly and that's super hard to capture and explore, especially when it comes to the shorter smutty fics (Not complaining too much tho, I live for the E rating.)

I love the direction the author chose to go with him, and it feels so true to his character, his immature but his teasing doesn't feel over the top or come off as exaggerated. His status as the strongest is just told but shown to us with the way he behaves and I like that we get instances of him getting work done despite knowing he's a rebel. It reminds us that yeah, he's working to make the clan the way he wants but he's just going along with what he has to in true Gojo fashion.

Yuuji, is totally something else, it's implied that he actually killed people...and I don't think we got a paragraph of him feeling guilt over it but that's somewhere toward the end so forget it. Yuuji is the absolute sweetest here and I adore every scene he's in along with how bratty he tends to be with Gojo. It's not frequent and most of the time he's pretty respectful but when he's not...Yeah. His inner thoughts and his conversations with most of the other characters really bring life to the story and you literally feel you're right there with him through it all.

Then there's the smut...oh. my. fucking. GOD. It's absolutely delicious. If you were iffy about it being omegaverse, I beg you to actually consider it cuz all probably more than four thousand words of it are fucking precious.

I had no idea I'd be into sex with some commentary when I began reading but the conversation from the characters picked was spot on and even added to the spicyness.

My favorite part is when Yuuji moans like a fucking pornstar and the zenin guy (forgot his disgusting ass name) goes "The boy is a whore."

Like boohoo bitch just say you wish you were getting all that, I wish I was (╥﹏╥)

If you're still iffy about the Omegaverse trust me it's not that big of a deal, the focus is mainly on Gojo and Yuuji trying to find some mutual ground to get on so the consummation isn't fucking awkward but by talking, joking, and getting to know each other something even more starts to blossom.

There are definitely traces of insta love but I personally see it as a weird mixture of attraction and possessiveness but this book is just like the prelude to the main course which is the second part in the series which I'm not done with yet but fucking hell...all the intrigue and tension that you will find in Love, or Something Ignites, gets doubled with more angst and mystery in the second fic, along with goyuu being stupid as well as stupidly in love.

So give it a try, and if you have, let me know what you think. I'd usually say where the tiny flaws are but for this book there are none...unless you count Yuta being Maki's mate instead of Rika's but that's my personal hill to die on. Let me know if there's a fic you want me to write about and I'll maybe get to it

Well, that's all from me today, it's 3 am and I'm fucking exhausted.

[rapha-reads]

Rewatching The Doctor Falls because Twelfth versus Simm!Master and Missy, and Cyber!Bill and Nardole and Alit... This episode is magnificent.

Also the more I think about it, the more I'm convinced that the Master's regeneration timeline goes Simm then Dhawan and then Missy. And the one trapped in the Toymaker's golden tooth is either Missy or the one just after her. The Toymaker found Missy dying on the floor of that ship while spying on the Doctor and trapped her. It would explain why Dhawan!Master is so unhinged and feral, having gone through Simm!Master, and why Missy is so hell bent on redeeming herself and helping the Doctor, having gone through all the discoveries of the Timeless Child and seen the Doctor's pain and loneliness, and she herself having gone through that pain and sadness. It's how Missy says "it's time to stand with the Doctor" and Simm answers "no! Never!" - that's what Dhawan fights against his whole time - hating and loving the Doctor, ruining her but also detroying her... Missy knew where it was going, she just knew it would take some work.

Underrated friendship of the whole show: Bill and Nardole. "Bill's back", the sheer relief and joy in Nardole's voice when he says that... And then the pure HEARTBREAK on his face when Hazran shoots at Cyber!Bill and Bill says "I understand". It's just. They're pals your Honor.

One-episode only character that deserved much more screen time: Alit.

"Don't be sorry. You were being kind. Nothing wrong with being kind." - I tend to say that Eleventh is my Doctor but really it's Eleventh AND Twelfth. I adore Twelfth.

Bill Potts is the Best, pass it on. Also, Pearl's acting, can we talk about Pearl's acting? The way she moves like a Cyberman, even when she still perceives herself as a human? Robotic movements, rigid spine... I adore Bill Potts.

Eleventh and the Ponds 🤝🏼 Twelfth and Nardole and Bill > making me feel all the emotions and cry real tears and giving me ideas and thoughts. "Which one of is is stronger, Nardole?" - it's the way the Doctor, for all that he dismissed Nardole all series, actually respects and has a lot of consideration and affection for him. Shut up I'm crying, shut uuuuup. "I never will be able to find the words" - *curls up and sobs*

The Cybermen are so much more terrifying than the Daleks...

And then one of the best speech of the whole show. I've quoted it so many times already, but once more because it's seriously perfect:

"Winning? Is that what you think it's about? I'm not trying to win. I'm not doing this because I want to beat someone, or because I hate someone, or because I want to blame someone. It's not because it's fun and God knows it's not because it's easy! It's not even because it works, because it hardly ever does. I do what I do because it's right! Because it's decent. And above all, it's kind. It's just that. Just kind."

I swear, I heard that speech the first time and immediately incorporated it into my morals and values. Just be kind. Do the right thing, even when it hurts. Even when it's hard. Even if it's not going to work. Be kind and do the right thing. That's it. That's everything. "Always try to be nice, but never fail to be kind."

"Without hope. Without witness. Without reward. Pity. No stars. I'd hoped there'd be stars."

"Where there's tears, there's hope."

"I've been through a lot since the last time we met. So I'll show you around." - Bill and Heather. Love them.

"I never want to change again! Never again! I can't keep on being somebody else. Wherever it is, I'm staying. No! I will not change." contrasted with Eleventh's "We all change, when you think about it. And that's good, as long as we remember all the people we used to be."

[thepupperino]

Weekly Tag Wednesday

Hello everyone! ☺️ This week I was tagged by @creepkinginc, @doshiart, @lingy910y, @deedala, @blue-disco-lights, and @sgtmickeyslaughter for the tag game--thank you all! 🥰

How did you get into the fandom? I developed an obsession with Shameless and Gallavich specifically and remembered Tumblr from my old Teen Wolf days so I made a new account and just made myself known until people noticed.

How long have you been here? A little over a year!

What’s the first fandom channel you found? (Youtube, Reddit, Tumblr, Insta, Twitter, FB, other?) Reddit probably 🫣

What’s your favorite now? Tumblr, of course 😁

Which mutual have you known the longest in the fandom? I checked my followers list for this one and it looks like it's @babygirlmickey!

Which tumblerinos did you have your first fandom crush(es) on and wanted to get to know? I remember the first time I was tagged in one of @heymacy's tag games and that's when I really felt like I made it.

First Gallavich fan fic you read (or that blew you away that you remember)? I think it was either Cooperative Gameplay or Sexual Harassment in the Workplace.

First fan art that blew your mind? Okay I'm so sorry but I didn't start tagging fanart until like a week ago so I'm not sure but I'm sending so much love to every artist. 🫶🏻

Fanfic trope that you were sure wasn’t for you but now you low key (or high key) love? I never thought I'd be an angst girly but you all know me 💁🏼‍♀️ (I don’t care if that’s not a trope, it’s a tag and that’s good enough for me).

What surprised you most about this fandom? How welcoming everyone is! Not that my Teen Wolf fandom was bad, there's just a very different vibe here. I'm also constantly blown away by the talent in this fandom.

Moment in the show (or YT vids if you’re one of those) that you fell in hyperfixation with Gallavich? Okay so I think most of you know this but I watched the first 2.5 seasons in 2014 then repented and didn't watch the show again until last year so I don't even really know when the craze began for me? Also my (re)watch was inspired by a friend who livetweeted the whole thing so I kind of already knew I was a little obsessed with them? So I'm so sorry but I literally cannot pinpoint a moment. 🫣

Ian or Mickey? Okay you know what, my answer to this has always been Mickey BUT I've been inspired to try to force myself to get through The Dark Ages on my next rewatch and I'm paying very close attention to Ian.

Which Gallagher or Milkovich are you? I just took a quiz and it said Fiona which is the kindest thing anyone's ever said to me. I was thinking Debbie or Ian.

Tags below!!

@transsexual-dandelions @transmurderbug @transmickey @stocious @gallapiech

@spacerockwriting @spookygingerr @mybrainismelted @jrooc @sam-loves-seb

@palepinkgoat @michellemisfit @xninetiestrendx @crossmydna @ian-galagher

[beybaldes]

yesterday once more

Eddie Roundtree × Fem!Reader

djats masterlist

word count: 2.4k

request! : Okay I'm doing my fourth rewatch of fleabag and the confession between her and the priest is the holy grail of angstiness. So something along those lines. "awfully right person, terribly wrong time" They deeply love each other but won't end up together, a very bittersweet ending. It could be because he leaves the band or even some other third force that will come into action. Take what you need, you'll do a great job anyway!!

thank you for the request @thefemininemystiquee I hope you enjoy <3

a/n I wrote this and then realised you could've meant confession like in the confessional scene or 'I love you' 'it'll pass' - this is heavily based on the latter but if you want one based off the scene in the confessional I'd love to write it !!!

Warning!! I have not read the book or the show!!! All info I have gathered has been from other x readers I have read. sorry in advance if I have butchered vour fav show/book because I have plainly made shit up in favour of satiating my own need for more Eddie fics xoxo

"I'm not in love with you anymore, Eddie."

A beat of silence. Eddie's tear-filled eyes met your own, a frown etched deeply onto his lips. You looked heartbroken by the words you'd just spoke, completely devastated, as if saying it had created a reality you never wanted to occur.

It wasn't that you weren't in love with him, he knew that, it was that you weren't going to let yourself be any longer. You'd spent too many years dancing around each other and you'd had enough; you'd never dare ask Eddie if he returned the sentiment in fear of breaking your own heart. You'd never have guessed that that was what would cause your heart to break.

How many times had you almost kissed? How many times had you danced around your room late at night, your favourite record playing as you became one in the moonlight? How many times had he pushed his hook ups right back out of the door at your appearance? How many times had you slept in the same bed together, cuddling throughout the night and staring silently at the other in the early morning light in hopes of studying every detail of their face before they woke up?

If only you'd have said something sooner, rather then revealing your love for the blonde by denying it, then you would've known he loved you just as much as you loved him. And while he may have spent time pining after Camilla, being infatuated with the thought of her, he fell in love with you; but now it was far too late for him to say anything. The damage had been dually done.

"I didn't know you ever were, birdie."

What would've been better? He couldn't undo the years he'd lost from plain obliviousness and even ignorance, he couldn't fix the parts of you he'd silently hurt across the years - and Eddie decided then that he wouldn't hurt you again, not now the choice so easily presented itself. So, he lied.

Eddie had been in love with you since the night when he stumbled into his room in the house with some just as drunk blonde wrapped around his arm. He hadn't been expecting to find you sat in his bed; though the sight wasn't an unwelcome one. Before either you or the blonde could comment on the situation, he asked her to show herself out, ignoring the nasty words she started throwing at him and continuing to ignore her complaints even as he closed the door in her face. Eddie was quick to kick off his shoes and make his way over to his bed, joining you against the pillows. The two of you spent the night dancing to both sides of the carpenters album 'close to you,' and then fell asleep together in Eddie's bed, both of you in his clothes and wrapped in each others arms.

That was the first of many nights like that, and one of the last nights either of you attempted to hook up with some stranger or some groupie despite the many that would flock to you over the years to come.

Eddie also knew you were in love with him ever since that day. The following morning, he woke up to the feeling of your finger ghosting over his temple, brushing the hair of his face every time it fell back in the way of your view. He let you stare at him for over a hour before he pretended to wake up, allowing you to commit every crack, wrinkle, freckle and scar to memory.

Over two decades on from that night you could still draw his expression from that morning.

Why didn't he ever say anything? As the two of you stared each other down backstage, neither moving, neither wanting to be the first to leave, all he could think about was all the opportunities he'd had over the past decade to confess his feelings to you - non of which he'd ever taken.

After the shit-show that was the performance you'd just done and the day you'd just had, the both of you knew the end was near, even if you didn't want to say it out loud. For all he knew, this was the last time Eddie was ever going to see you again.

Eddie closed the gap between the two of you, cupping your face in his hands and running his thumbs across the apples of your cheeks that were flushed and tear stained. Another position you were familiar with when it came to Eddie, many of your almost kisses beginning from something along these lines, except this time there was no almost; just an actual kiss.

Pensively, Eddie leant forward, pressing his lips to yours softly, cradling your face close to his with a tension in the hold he had on your face. You would've waited another ten years if it meant you could kiss Eddie again; if that meant he'd kiss you like this, hold you like this.

The both of you melded together, holding onto the kiss for as long as you could, knowing it was a hello and a goodbye and an I love you, I love you, I love you all in one.

But someone has to leave first. That is a very old story of which there is no other version.

You pulled away from Eddie's touch, resting your forehead against his as you regained your breath. Your eyes stayed downcast to the floor, knowing if you met his gaze, you'd never want to look away - you wouldn't be able to go on and live and find the life you deserved. Eddie didn't push you, instead respecting the space you'd created between the two of you. He let you walk away without another word and didn't chase after you, even when his heart felt like it was going to explode out of his chest and everything in him told him to.

The following morning, after a restless night without you in his arms for the first time in a long time, a smile finally graced Eddie's face. He hadn't been earlier enough to see you get in your cab, but he'd arrived just in time to know you weren't getting back in that your bus, and neither was he.

It felt like closure in a way - knowing that neither of you were going to continue with the life that was the band, that both of you were beginning a new chapter in your life. It stung deeper then any weapon could though that going forward you weren't going to be friends; only strangers who'd happened to cross paths.

When Julia showed up on his doorstep 20 years later he knew it would cause him a world of hurt to talk about the band, but when she inevitably brought up your name, he was truly and completely crushed. He'd spent 20 years trying not to think about you and what could've been and here he was recounting every moment of your relationship like he was okay with it.

"I never did find anyone else." Eddie answered honestly to the camera, a fond and longing smile curled on his lips. "There was no one better then y/n. You couldn't help but fall in love with her, even then... even now."

It was six months later, to the day, that he received an email with a copy of the documentary attached and was quick to open the file and watch it.

Seeing your face for the first time in two decades was bittersweet. You looked just like, well, you, but older, more beautiful if that was possible. And when his name inevitably came up, the same soft and loving smile that had crossed his face graced yours.

"Eddie?" You rhetorically asked, thinking on your words in a long moment of gentle silence. "We spent so many years worried about admitting our feelings to each other - and potentially loosing each other because of it."

Julia let you sit in the silence, your eyes glazing over with what looked like tears through the camera. "I never loved anyone like I loved Eddie, and I still haven't, I don't think I ever will. And I spent years thinking about how the last thing I said to him that day was that I didn't love him anymore."

"But you lied?" Juli prompted.

"Kind of. I think Eddie knew the truth - we always did when it came to each other - I really hope he knew that when I said that, I meant quite the opposite."

"And if he's out there watching this, what would you want to say to him?" Eddie's eyes widened at the question, not having been asked that himself and now wondering which of the two of you had been interviewed first, or If fate was pulling some twisted and long frayed strings on his behalf through Julia.

A longer pause. You avoided the camera and Julia's gaze, looking down at your hands as you picked at the skin around your nails, unsure of where to begin or what to say. "My Eddie." You mused, looking back to camera. It felt to Eddie, that even through the screen, you were looking directly at him. "I hope that we work out in another lifetime. I'll come and find you in the next one and we'll start over again."

"Yeah." Eddie answered, though he knew you couldn't hear him, that you'd never get to hear him tell you that's all he wanted as well. He knew you'd know, though, you always did when it came to gather. "Yeah, that'd be nice, birdie. Be real nice."

~~~ non-angst/bittersweet bonus ending ~~~

It had taken 12 minutes exactly after finishing Julia's documentary for Eddie to book a flight to Pittsburgh. Though you'd never said it in the documentary, he'd recognise the house behind you as your childhood home even centuries on. He'd spent countless days and nights in his adolescence in that garden, that kitchen, that bedroom.

By the afternoon of the same day, he was standing on your doorstep, hands shaking as he raised them to knock of your door, and after 10 minutes of debating whether what he was doing was crazy or not, he finally got the courage to do so.

Even your call of 'one second' and footsteps rushing through the house had Eddie weak in the knees. He was terrified of what you would say - would you kick him to the curb, tell him that he was 20 years too late for you love? Would you welcome him back into your life with open arms? Would you have a family? Kids? A husband? A wife?

"Sorry, I-" You were just as beautiful as the day he'd last seen you. "Eddie?"

Eddie had spent the entire flight practising what he was going to say to you when he got here, but now he was in front of you, he found himself speechless. Where could he even begin in terms of making things right? Making things how they were supposed to be?

"I want to pay bills and slow dance with you, birdie, until we're old and wrinkled and you regret ever being with me." You stepped out from inside of your house, one step closer to Eddie on your porch and the life you'd spent years dreaming about and he was now offering to you. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and I should've said something as soon as the day I met you, but I'm here and saying it now and-"

You'd be a fool not to.

You grabbed Eddie's face, clashing your lips to his in a sudden, swift motion. Despite being stunned by the kiss, Eddie was quick to lean into it, pulling you flush against him and lifting you off the ground, spinning the two of you around as you laughed into him, breaking away from the kiss with a smile.

Eddie placed you back down on the ground, but his hands never left your waist now that they'd found it. A series of ruby red kissed were pressed to his cheeks, his jaw and his lips once again, staining his skin though he'd never mind, not as long as it was you doing it.

"I'm old." You whispered into the space between you, though there wasn't much to begin with, your lips brushing against his as you moved them to speak. "I'm not the girl you fell in love with all those years ago."

"I don't care." Eddie answered back, holding your cheeks so carefully you'd think he was holding the world in the palm of his hand: as far as he was concerned, he was. "I could fall in love with you anywhere in any form. As long as you let me, I want to do this and I want to do it with you. I don't want to spend another second without you in my life, not again."

"You sure?"

"I've never been more sure of anything in my life." Eddie pressed another kiss to your lips, cradling the back of your neck with the hand that wasn't cradling your cheek and keeping you close to him. "I love you birdie. I always have and I always will."

"My Eddie." You hummed, smiling up at the blonde you'd loved since you were 13, him finally and permanently in your arms. "I love you too."

[grimalkinmessor]

Mikalight for the ask game! :D

Hi Moon :D

AYYYY MIKALIGHT 👓🖋️🍷

when i started shipping it: Before I'd even finished my Death Note rewatch honestly—I only binge a max of six episodes a day so I didn't even remember what Mikami looked like when I started reading fics that mentioned him. Deadass I thought he had a moustache, I was so convinced in my old memories before I saw him on screen again 😭 BUT YES I read TrashKing's Composure before I finished the series again and found their dynamic there intriguing :3

my thoughts: They just bring a sort of Riza & Roy, Barty & Tom, Crim & Alessio, Aro & Jane vibe to the table that I really enjoy ✨ The Mastermind™ and their feral attack dog—Light says "Bark" and Mikami goes "At what tone, pitch, and volume; poodle or rottweiler?" and that's just SO much to play with >:3 IT'S ABOUT THE SERVITUDE 🤌🤌 THE IMAGE OF LIGHT SITTING CLEAN AND ARROGANT IN HIS THRONE AND MIKAMI STANDING PROUD BESIDE HIM COVERED IN BLOOD 😩🙏 Mikami is Light's favorite little pet and Light is Mikami's everything.

what makes me happy about them: They are soooo unwell your honor 💕 Two freak ass nerds both thinking they're more righteous than they are. Mikami could probably snap Light in half over his knee (dude is JACKED) but he won't 🥰 They're what I need when I want Light pampered and spoiled and getting everything he wants.

what makes me sad about them: THEIR DEATHS. DEAR GOD CANON DID THEM SO DIRTY, MIKAMI ESPECIALLY 😭😭 There is no dignity in death INDEED

things done in fanfic that annoy me: Honestly? (Don't hate me for this one Moon (⁠๑⁠•⁠﹏⁠•)) I don't like how often L is brought up or mentioned in Mikalight fics. Like Mikami is L's replacement in Light's heart, like he sees L in Mikami—they're literally nothing alike 😭 They both have black hair but if that's the only thing you need to be L's replacement then Matsuda would make the cut. Besides; if I open a Mikalight fic, I want the focus to be on Mikami and Light :') If I wanted Lawlight I'd have gone to the Lawlight tag instead, you know?

things i look for in fic: Mikami being obsessed and Light viscerally enjoying his obsession. That's it :3 I want Mikami to be the devoted pursuer and Light to be the deity deigning to touch him out of amusement and curiosity. I like Light in control and Mikami being super horny about it ✨

who I'd be comfortable with the ending up with: For Light, I like him with pretty much everyone lol (have that man running from his harem 24/7), though L and Ryuk are definitely at the top of the list ;3 For Mikami.... it's harder, because I only like him with other people in situations where Light isn't a factor at all, such as they've never met or Light just doesn't exist. Save for maybe Near, because I think captor/captive is always a fun trope 💫 But with Light there (and specifically in Kira Wins AUs) I tend to like him with either Matsuda or Misa, because I can see both of those relationships turning antagonistic >:3 Mikalight is pretty much the only DN ship I have that doesn't have SOME form of chafe to it, so anything else would need to be made interesting for me to ship it.

my happily ever after for them: Kira wins, Mikami uses his eyes and tenacity to become Light's right hand man, and then they spend the rest of time being righteously evil with Light directing and Mikami wielding the scythe—which he is then reward for by Light allowing him to use his mouth and hands and sometimes cock to make his Kami-sama feel good 😌💖

who is big spoon/little spoon: TOUGH QUESTION. Because if it's in a No Death Note AU and they were both,,,normaler, I'd say Mikami. But in any other circumstance I'd say Light, if only because Mikami kneeling between his legs while Light works is practically the same thing as being the little spoon when you think about it :3

what is their favorite nonsexual activity: Not to get super soft all of a sudden, but probably talking. Mikami is canonically very intelligent as well, even if I think his smarts come more from diligent study than any born-in ability like Light's—they've probably read a lot of the same books and I imagine them sitting in comfortable quiet reading together and occasionally looking up to speak their thoughts about the book aloud, which leads them into calm but intriguing discussions. When they're not being murderous psychos, I think they're both actually quite calm and content people, so things like going for a morning run, drinking coffee together, and reading in the same room are definitely their favorite moments otherwise 💗

[bettsfic]

(Love on Display is the series name for ASE and its sequel)

okay so for this commentary i went through my ASE tag to read the asks i'd gotten about it because i can't really remember the whole process, and found this response i'd written:

you know how like when you read or watch something, you kind of look for the character you relate to most? when i was rereading the hunger games last month i was thinking, i don’t relate to a single one of you bitches. and then annie shows up like “nope nope nope i can handle exactly 0% of this bullshit” and i was just, ah there i am

looking back on my mental health issues, the irony is that i was writing about madness in a time i was actually pretty stable, despite the pandemic being in full swing. i remember writing ASE throughout summer, sitting on my grandma's porch swing and admiring her garden, going inside only when it got dark enough for the fireflies to come out. at the time, i was approaching my third year of rejections on the original fiction front; i'd been querying agents for over a year and submitting short stories, and i felt like i wasn't getting anywhere. i was also about to start a phd program, which i was apprehensive about, to say the least. i wish i'd listened to that "i have a bad feeling about this" instinct.

tbosas had just come out (to almost no attention or acclaim; even now with the film coming out in a couple weeks, the gifsets i've been reblogging don't get a lot of traffic and the tag only has 250 fics in it) and so i read it, loved it, and immediately re-read the hunger games with the new lens of snow's origin story.

the hunger games is one of the few things that i think is completely worth the hype. it's a beautifully written series and i really admire it. tbosas i thought was even better, because it felt like suzanne collins had full creative control. it's not easy writing a villain origin story and i think she really managed to thread the needle with coriolanus as a POV character who is really the antagonist of two protagonists whose POVs we don't have access to.

anyway as soon as i finished re-reading the hunger games, i went back to read the one thg fic i'd written after the film series concluded, the baker's son. it wasn't as bad as i remembered it, because 2015-16 were the years i was really starting to figure out how to write, so everything from that time in my memory is hand-wavy at best. but i remember thinking, this could have been really good if i'd just taken my time with it.

back then, i never took my time with anything. i had so many ideas that i had to churn through them in order to get to the next one. when you're just starting out writing, you haven't followed through on enough ideas to know how to sort through them properly and find the ones that have legs. so i was still learning how to control my attention.

and so ASE marked a huge change in the way i viewed my own work and the reception thereof. i was getting nowhere in publishing, i was no longer in one single fandom and so i didn't really have a community, and i finally realized the only guarantee i would ever have is my own joy. that changed everything.

i know i'll always love the hunger games, because i genuinely believe it's good. it's engaging and entertaining and meaningful. before, i'd written for canons i actually didn't like, because communities had formed around them and i was inspired by what i felt was unmet potential in canon. but i know i'll never rewatch supernatural or the 100. in fact i didn't finish either of them. with big fandoms, sure, i get more traffic and comments. but i'd stopped writing for traffic and comments. i wrote ASE because it was fun, and i knew in 10 years i'd read the hunger games again, and i would want my perfect fixit fic. and i would want it to be long, and well thought out, and something i could be proud of.

i've kept that "i'm writing for my 40 year old self" mentality for all my writing. at 40, i want to look back at what i wrote at 30 and know it was time well spent because it made me happy during a hard time in human history. it's a lot easier to make creative decisions when you're writing for an audience of your future self.

with tbosas coming out soon, i'm hoping to finish the coriojanus fic i started in 2020 (i think it's 7k?). and looking back through my ASE tag i also saw how many ideas i had for finnick POV and i could see myself fiddling around with a few of those prompts eventually.

[the-platelet-queen]

20 Questions Writer Tag

Thanks for the tag @justafunctionalmess ❤️

I have two AO3 accounts so I'll be taking from both of them.

How many works do you have on AO3? 32 works, not counting two abandoned works that are not associated with me anymore.

What is your total AO3 word count? 76,137 words

What fandoms do you write for? Oof, so many it's such a long list. As for the ones I've posted: Psych, Bones, The X-Files, New Girl, Victorious, Monk, That 70s Show, Supergirl, Schitt's Creek, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, the Shadowhunter Chronicles, and two others I'm not gonna mention because they're cringe. I write for at least double what I listed.

What are your top five fics by kudos? Daddy with 343 kudos (Supergirl; I hate it's my most popular fic, purely because of the title), Walter and Nancy with 239 kudos (Victorious), Sparks Fly with 207 kudos (Supergirl), Sleepover with 143 kudos (Schitt's Creek), and Superstar with 127 kudos (Supergirl again).

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? I try to! I get email notifications of comments, so I really see them on there, absolutely cherish them, then forget to reply on AO3. Sometimes I go on to reply to some in batches. I never know what to say in reply, but I'm so grateful to everyone that comments!

What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? The fic with the angstiest ending was Jericho (The X-Files). I've posted like two angsty fics total, and I don't usually write angst.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? All of my fics end happy so this one was really hard. I guess I'd have to say Cold Blooded Killer because it's not a traditionally happy fic until the end :)

Do you get hate on your fic? Very very rarely, yes. It's only happened three times. The first time I was so upset about it. The second and third times I'm pretty sure it was the same person (guest account commented) so I just deleted it.

Do you write smut? Yes, but I don't post it. I don't write it very often either, very rare.

Do you write crossovers? Nope, not my cup of tea. I don't read them either.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Probably not. At least not that I'm aware of...

Have you ever had a fic translated? No, but I have had someone record an audio of a fic I wrote. Hands down the coolest experience I've had with my writing so far!!

Have you ever co-written a fic? In a way, yes? If writing letters as characters back and forth with my sister counts.

What's your all-time favorite ship? I don't really have a favorite, BUT I guess I choose Mulder and Scully. Because of how they grew old together (I only watched the monster of the week episodes in the revival, but they were so cute together <3)

What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? My Bones high school AU. I've gotten so far on it, but the path ahead is longer. Also, the Boneheads podcast needs to come out so I can rewatch Bones and start writing it again.

What are your writing strengths? Dialogue, probably. I love character interactions, that's what I live for in writing (and also why I write fic). I want to see characters interacting, not necessarily a cool plot, which is why I emulate that in my own writing.

What are your writing weaknesses? Prose. I just don't like writing it (or reading it for the most part).

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? I don't know enough about any language to confidently write dialogue for it in my fics. I'd probably get one of my friends who's more fluent in other languages to help me.

First fandom you wrote for? I'm absolutely devastated to share that my first fanfic was for Martha Speaks. I was in second grade and PBS Kids was holding a contest for written stories. Mine ended up over the word limit so I never sent it in.

Favorite fic you've ever written? All of them. Even if the writing isn't as good, it was something I was so proud of at the time, and I can feel that when I read it.

Hmmmm, I'm tagging @bianxiousandcute, @sprqpointintern @that70sshowgoldencouple @thatseventiesbitch @tht70sblog

[like-rain-or-confetti]

So I recently rewatched Twilight. I remember watching it once when I was younger because it was really popular and everyone was talking about it, but I didn't know anything about it and, to be honest, I didn't care either, so I didn't think much about it. I watched for the sake of watching. It was around the time the last film was released. Eventually, and to my surprise, I started interacting with Twilight content a few years ago because of tumblr and fanfiction. I never thought this would happen, but here we are.

Anyway, the one thing that strangely always stood out to me was the fact that they made the Volturi and consequently other clans (like the Romanians) so weak.

Were they seriously saying the Volturi wouldn't have decimated the Cullens and their weirdo allies plus their weirdo puppies, in a second? Were they seriously saying that Caius alone wouldn't have done it and they wouldn't even know what got them? One second they would be alive, the next they would be dead. It was that simple. The way they were portrayed in the movies was so shameful. The way Caius died??? Were they for real??

Volturi alone, with members that are thousands of years old, would have unparalleled power and intelligence. With a military prowess unlike anything else. They are, literally, from the old world.

They wouldn't even entertain them if we were honest, they would deal with them while they were still in Italy.

Imagine lose to a bunch of kids.

I understand it was mostly kids/teen movies, but still. That was stupidly ridiculous.

Yup, we've all been there and it's absolutely RIDICULOUS 😂

I reckon that's why SM hasn't actually written another part like she intended to because where can you actually go with how BD played out?

I'd love to see a book solely on the Volturi but as per finishing up the story as she said in an interview? I think her safest bet is to leave it at BD. I don't see how she can go about it. Beyond the idea that the Volturi can only tear itself down. Which is very difficult again because that's accounted for. Chelsea.

Realistically, Chelsea can break other covens before vice versa. Unless they went the Marcus route. That Marcus ever found out the truth about Didyme's death. However, that also doesn't work because it's insinuated that even if you know Chelsea's influence on you- it won't change it. Should that be altered into 'let her in' formation then it makes per rather...phony? I can't really see Aro wanting Chelsea for her gift if it can be blocked so easily. That would make an overly complex problem that people (me) will fixate on. Plus it's a significant crack in this solid foundation the volturi is supported on. Chelsea can make or break bonds...if you want her to? Not great for an opponent. So I really see the only out being Chelsea turns on the volturi because they punt Afton. Which then leads to the question. WHY WOULD ARO BE SO BLOODY STUPID AS TO DO THAT? Ego? I think he's too manipulative for that.

So, without going too far into a tangent. I think the story can't really be completed. She can only really go into spin offs but could kind of lean into the it's going to take x amount of years for another confrontation so for us- the story is done and it's up to the readers to suspect what could happen in the future. However I don't really think published authors lean into the blurring the lines of fiction like that.

Plus the even bigger question... has it been too long for another book? I mean when the twilight hype started I was closer to 10 years old. Now I'm closer to 30. (Ew.) A lot of the fanbase is probably gone or not interest anymore. (Or only cares for the movies) and there's like a 10% chance that they'd pick up another twilight movie after all this time when the main three actors are done with it and two of them shit on it any chance they get by the sound of things. Plus they are all going to look older.

[rottentiger-art]

I’m a grown woman obsessed with Logan and Quinn suddenly again like a 12 year old after that trailer. And I have some thoughts. We have possible outcomes that I can see based on the limited scenes we got. The bad case: they get engaged off screen and announce it to Zoey over FaceTime like we saw in the trailer. Then Quinn does a runner on the wedding day (we do get a shot of her running in a wedding dress), and the wedding ends up being about chase and Zoey getting back together. We see Logan has a headset on in pretty much every shot, including when he’s standing at the alter (wtf Logan?). Maybe Quinn sees this, and panics, and thinks money and work will come before her so she runs. Eventually they end up back together, and we then get that shot of him proposing again and promising it won’t happen (with Zoey there, why 🙄) and we are left with the implication they’ll get married eventually. It’s also the 1 scene between the two of them where he isn’t wearing his headset which adds value to the whole he’s a workaholic thing and Quinn’s had enough. The thing that makes me confused is that Quinn is 100% already wearing her engagement ring in that shot, and Logan 100% has jewellery in that box. The better option: Logan is jokingly giving her some jewellery in a ring box, and her nodding is just a weird cut to something else he said (I.e., not accepting a proposal). That scene is weird as well because Zoey’s 2 best friends of almost 20 years are getting engaged, Quinn is nodding yes and Zoey looks confused and worried. The confusing thing about it is Quinn’s hair is short, but it is long for every other shot. Cause Quinn and Logan look different in that shot to the rest of the movie, I was hoping that perhaps it’s a flashback to when they got engaged many years ago and it has just been a really long engagement. So when they tell Zoey over FaceTime, it’s not about getting married it’s about them finally setting a date? But that doesn’t tie into why Quinn has an engagement ring on already. Regardless of how it happens I know they’ll 100% end up together but I don’t want them to be plot devices to Zoey and chase. I may be losing my mind over this. I need a break but had to share my obsessive thoughts with someone.

oh man, where do I start. I'm also a grown person obsessed with a ship from my childhood. I said it a lot of times heheh but Quogan was my first ship and the first fanfic I ever read was about them. I didn't know what a fanfic was and really thought that was some deleted scene or something XD.

I would hate to if they don't get married at the end, that would be so disappointing, but it would not ruin the ship for me, I'd simply not consider the movie canon and make/read a fic fixing that lol.

I am bothered by Zoey being there for the proposal/or whatever that was, because ugh can we, please, have something? without her? please? I never cared about her character (or anyone aside from Logan and Quinn, really) So I hope they don't make that moment about them.

I do hope it's a flashback, but like you said, the ring makes it not make sense.

I was also wondering about Logan's headset, I thought it was more of him being a bridezilla and controlling the whole wedding and making it all about himself, excluding Quinn unintentionaly lol.

I need to rewatch the show to refresh my memory about the characters, it's been years after all. I never saw Logan as the workaholic kind, but I could be wrong or he could have changed, idk.

Either way, all I hope right now is that they end up together. If they decide marriage is not for them, I'll accept it as long as they don't separate. God please don't let that happen. Tho I won't deny I would be pissed, since they are advertising this using their wedding as a bait and for them to not give us that at the end? very shady. We would be quoganbaited lol.

Speaking of that, I too don't want them to be a plot device for Zoey and Chase. I can't stress enough how much I don't care about them. And I understand the movie is about finally getting them together, but please, let us have Quogan in peace. The two ships can co-exist without overshadowing the other (despite one being clearly superior ehem)

feel free to keep sending asks or dm me if you wish, I love talking about quogan.

[solmints-messyocdiary]

Tw: Animal death, suicide mention, blood, gore, torture mention, violent ideas

[Mismatched excerpts ripped off from Finley's Journal. The dates have been scribbled away with a black pen.]

It feels weird writing on a journal. Like something a teenager might do instead of a grown ass man who works from 9 to 5.

But I needed to destress and let it out on some pages after talking with my mother on the phone. I hate hearing her shrill voice on the other side of the receiver. The only thing she can do is complain and complain and complain about the same thing over and over again. I don't want to see that man either... I hate him more than her.

I can't handle her and to think I have to go and visit them on Thanksgiving and Christmas I feel like I am going to lose my damn head.

At least I can let things out and still practice my writing if needed, so that's a plus. I haven't had much time to update my book, and that's making me a bit sad. Hopefully, I'll be able to write a bit.

Might treat myself and go the diner to get some choco pancakes and a milkshake. Those will surely cheer me up.

Really want pancakes and milkshakes...

-

The longer I stay on this damn job, the more I feel like I am going to lose myself. I've been spacing out every 5 minutes whenever someone talks to me. It's hard. (Hehe)

I had to stay 2 more hours overtime, no pay for my hard work the 3rd time this week. I had to wake up earlier, too. I arrived around 8 instead of 9 because the computers were acting up at my workplace and needed me, the IT guy, to fix them.

Not to mention, the printer too... If I have to fistfight the printer again, or hear any of my coworkers complain, particularly Brandon, I am going to strangle them. I am really going to snap!!!

I wish their heads would just explode into a bloody mess. Just Carrie them off with my mind powers whenever I feel annoyed of them. They surely deserve that, particularly Brandon and my boss. Fuck those two. The world would be better if they didn't exists. We don't need red flags walking around the office... only me! Haha!

-

I promised myself to do it again, but alas, old habits die hard as the saying goes.

Went to the beach for a dip and found a baby bird on the sand. Ants surrounding its small body and biting pieces away to bring it to their lair. Lucky for me, I always have my camera with me. Never the one to miss a chance.

I guess I should be sad but that's how nature is.

Cruel.

I wonder how others would react if they saw my ant-bitten corpse...

-

Finished rewatching Scream 2 and...

Damn... Why is Mickey kinda...?

Like... you know? If I was a girl I'd be into him and have his poster hanging over my bedroom wall haha.

Still angry at Scream 2 for killing Randy, tho. He was my favorite.

Rented Carrie, Slaughter High, Graduation, Prom Night, for tonight. Felt a bit nostalgic for some reason. Getting shoved in a locker every tuesday really does something to a guy. Going to have a nice movie night with myself while I think of my high school times.

Totally good for my mental stability, yup!

-

I wonder how my old high school friends have been doing...

Do they remember me with disdain? Are they happy with their life? More successful? Managed to marry a nice gal or guy and have many kids together? A stable job and nice suburban house?

...

Fuck them.

-

Death still scares me.

I thought that if I forced myself to witness the worst of the worst. Every torture imaginable, researching hours and hours and hours of how a body decays, how long does it take for it to rot, shrink, turn into dust.

Live footages of people getting decapitated, stabbed, run over, split in half, drowned, squashed to death, gutted, burned alive, choked, flayed.

I'd grow out of it.

It's not that hard to look for stuff like that as long as you know where to find it and you're patient.

Will I ever be able to look at their loved ones in their eyes. Admit that I saw the last moments of their brother, mother, a cousin? The light leaving their eyes?

I thought I've become numb enough to just stare attentively, not blinking for a second.

People I know will die one day. Complete strangers, lives of theirs I will never know, are dying as I write this.

And yet, I remain wide awake. Imagining how it'll feel for my body to reach nothingness. The maggots feasting on my insides, eating away little by little. Gourging themselves on the bile and flesh and pus from my organs till they become fat, squirmy little bugs. Eating, mating, dying, rinse and repeat over and over and over again.

My skin itches thinking of it. Like they have already managed to crawl deep inside.

Even a death as boring and not spectacular like an illness terrifies me.

-

How long do I have left? Have I wasted my life? Is it too late for me?

When will I die...

-

I miss my friends from high school... some of them I've forgotten their names...

I sometimes think about Chelsea. No, I am always thinking about her...

If I contact her... will she ever forgive me?

It's too late to cry over spilt milk.

-

Seems I've been thinking about death a lot lately.

I went to go see a movie to try and fend of the feelings of dread and paranoia that have been seeping in me.

Stale popcorn, overpriced and oversized. Check.

Watered down soda. Check.

Badly directed horror film? Check.

Annoying and talkative patrons? Double check.

The blood effects weren't as cool compared to others, but at least the lead was hot even if she couldn't act to save her life.

-

Why am I even trying?

-

I made a blog.

I post all the pictures I've taken from dead animals and roadkill.

-

I feel numb.

-

I haven't been feeling real as of late. I even dared touch one of the spilt out guts of a cat behind an alleyway. I wanted to feel something. See if I was still here. I pushed my fingers in, feeling the slimy and sticky organs. It burned and I janked my hand away.

It felt surreal.

I can't feel my hands or face at times. Like they weren't even there to begin with.

-

I think I might go to a therapist.

-

I want to die...

[stitching-in-time]

Voyager rewatch s2 ep10: Cold Fire

Wow, yet another episode where I groaned when I realized which one it was. Season 2, why you gotta be like this?? Another one where Kes has an older man taking a creepy interest in her! I'm starting to feel like Kes just needs a forcefield she can turn on and off at will any time anyone male approaches within 3 feet of her.

Usually I'd be happy about giving Kes a storyline about developing her mental powers, but watching an obviously very skeevy Ocampa guy prey on her for a whole episode wasn't fun. I'm so sick of Kes being the innocent young thing for older men to obsess over. The writer's obsession with these storylines is getting creepy in and of itself.

The story wasn't even well contructed. The Ocampa they find on the space station start out as hostile and aggressive the very first time they approach them- why would the Voyager crew suddenly trust them just because they show an interest in Kes? If I were Janeway, I'd never let that guy be alone with Kes, nor would I let him run around unsupervised on the ship. And nobody even restricts him when he starts teaching Kes to kill things with her mind?? Wtf??And Kes doesn't see it as a red flag that he doesn't think killing is wrong?? Please, nobody's that naive.

(And what's with the first scene of Tuvok teaching Kes to listen in on the crews thoughts?? You should definitely ask and get permission before reading someone's thoughts, holy crap! There's no way Vulcans wouldn't have rules against something that deeply unethical. The writing in this whole ep was questionable.)

The whole thing with the female Caretaker hating Voyager didn't make sense either- why would she think Voyager killed the other caretaker? Is she, or her Ocampa followers, talking to the Kazon or something? And if so, why? And why would they believe anything the Kazon say? And if they have all these mind-reading powers, wouldn't they just read Janeway's mind and find out what really happened? And if the second caretaker left and hasn't come back to see the first one in centuries, why does she even care if he's dead? And if she taught these Ocampa to kill stuff with her mind for fun, why would the Voyager crew think she would ever help them, or even be safe to deal with?

None of it was well thought out or made much sense. Did they ever even have an episode where they encountered her again? I don't remember one if they did, and it seems dumb to leave it open ended if they weren't going to go anywhere with it.

Tl;dr: A lackluster story that yet again focused on Kes being an object an older man wants to possess, and which lacked a coherent plot, or a resolution.

[everwisp]

hi there! i've been following you for quite a while, originally for a3, but i see you also enjoy poto. i've been meaning to get into it for a long time now, but im not sure where to start (so far, i've only ever read the book). do you have any recommendations for poto content to either start out with or to prioritize in general? thanks a ton!

Hi there anon!! this was a pleasant surprise to see in my inbox and I wasn't expecting to get questioned about POTO at all tbh! I'll try my best though 😊

I think starting with the musical would help, that's what actually lead me down the rabbit hole.

The most well known one would be Andrew Lloyd Webber's. This one is pretty similar to the book, if I recall correctly, having a some changes here and there (one of them being that the Persian isn't actually present in the musical.) I'd recommend either watching/listening to the broadway or the 2004 film, the latter being what introduced me to POTO in the first place hehe

There's also another musical by Maury Yeston and Arthur Kopit (which I've only discovered this year), though it is loosely based from the novel, and kinda shows the Phantom in a different light. I actually watched the 1990 miniseries first before listening to the musical, and I gotta say that the Phantom was very charming in this one, made me swoon a bit 🙈

Their music style is pretty different from one another, now I'm not that good with music terms and classifying the styles, but Yeston & Kopit's is more opera like compared to Webber's which is a sort of mix with opera, classical and a bit of rock maybe??? They are both bangers though, I swear.

I'm pretty sure there are other retellings and musicals based on it, but these two plus the book are the only ones I've consumed so far.

OH AND ONE MORE ACTUALLY!!

Webber actually made a sequel to his POTO musical called Love Never Dies and boY IS IT A RIDE. I think the fans have mixed feelings about it, it has great songs though omg. So so basically, it's ten years after the original musical and is set in an amusement park called Phantasma, and w/o saying anything about the plot, basically our main trio come together again and we get love triangle 2.0 with so much drama. Was honestly flabbergasted the first time I saw it ‘cause I went in blind but as I rewatched it for the 3rd time and listened to the soundtrack over and over again, I admit it's pretty good. In a trashy way. Do I recommend that you watch it? Honestly, yeah, it was a pretty wild ride and I was entertained, it was a good time despite everything about the plot. You don't have to though if you don't want to!!! Some people actually described it being fanficy or something along those line

But yeah, that's all I have to recommend, I hope this helps you somewhat!! Even though I was just rambling most of the times haha.

If you have anymore questions or if you ever do get around to getting into it more I would love to hear about it, don't be afraid to pop in with your thoughts or screaming or complaints, it would be nice to talk about it with others aside from me just ranting about it to my siblings 🤣 No pressure though!! But i genuinely hope you enjoy it 🩵🩵

Wishing you all the love, softness, and good vibes anon!! ✨🩵

[immortalled]

hi! i’m so sorry if this is strange, i’m just working on a story and i’d love a second opinion ^^’ no pressure to answer this at all! it’s very hard to explain without proper context so bare with me

i was wondering how you think nathan would react upon finding out he’s the only person who can kill a creature that’s been plaguing him and his friends for a while, in a sort of IT inspired way? most of his friends would be dead at this point, so it’d be like a heroic attempt to make up for their losses by strapping himself with explosives lmao

he’d be around the age he appears in the show but in a tiny rural town setting with no powers

it’s a little up in the air for me on whether he would do it and what could happen afterwards, i’ve kept this quite vague mostly because it is just a loose storyline i’ve strung together while listening to a song, but if it sparks anything for you i’d love to hear!

Hi, Nonnie! Not strange at all! I love talking to people. ♥ (And apologies in advance, this got long because I started analyzing him LOL. Please feel free to skip the analysis under the cut if that doesn't interest you.)

Okay, so first off, I'm flattered you're asking me, and secondly, this sounds like a really fun fanfiction. If you're comfortable, I'd love to read it! If you ever post it on Ao3, please feel free to drop me a link! I'll subscribe!! c:

As for your question... Of course, please do always play with him however you want! I'm far from any kind of... idk, definitive authority on his character LOL, and fancreations are your own sandbox, so I'd never want anyone to change what they want to do based on my or anyone else's personal interpretation of a character. But! My personal two cents is that whether or not Nathan would sacrifice himself like that is really down to how strong his connection with his friends has grown and if he thinks there is anything to gain or save by doing so!

Nathan Young is a character who loves living. He's the embodiment of the early 2010s YOLO motto and that particular brand of unapologetic, teenagery/young adult joie de vivre attitude is why I think the storm gave him immortality as a super power. The rooftop scene in the S1 finale is a great example of this and his entire speech about going crazy while you're young, even if it's dangerous, is actually a really solid look into Nathan's worldview and what seems to drive his impulses. In fact, I think rewatching that entire episode might help you get a better perspective on Nathan and how he might handle the situation in your fanfic!

So, that is to say, I don't think mortal!Nathan is the kind of person to sacrifice his life for anything without very good reason. In fact, I'd argue that he wouldn't at all without immortality as a safety net. He's kind of a coward at times and tends to dodge anything painful or unpleasant, be it emotional or physical. But let's look at the times he sacrificed or almost sacrificed himself in canon!

S1E6 - Falling from the Wertham Community Centre. Nathan does not know he's immortal here and he almost doesn't go back for his friends at all. He only decides to try stopping Virtue because he's been pushed to the edge and realizes how much his weird little ASBO family means to him. Without them, he's totally alone again, and Nathan hates being alone. Although, in fairness, I also do not think Nathan believed there was a possibility of dying in this scenario. Rachel was mind-controlling people, not murdering them, and he clearly did not account for the fact that either of them would lose their balance. I am unsure that he would have done any of this had he known he might not make it out alive... maybe if he had exhausted all other options? Either way, the key here is that he did take risks because he thought he could still save his friends.

S2E2 - Trying to save Jamie. Nathan doesn't think before running toward the burning car to save his half-brother. He could have died here because the ecstasy he took reversed his power, but it's unclear whether or not he heard Simon's warning or if it would have made a difference. Considering how blind the reaction looked, I don't think being immortal or mortal would have mattered. But, still, he was acting on the hope that he could save Jamie.

S2E4 - Almost lets Tim gut him. In order to keep his friends from being killed by Tim the Crazy GTA NPC, Nathan agrees to be killed in their stead. However, he has to be pressured into it by his friends despite knowing he will come back to life. I think Nathan would have deeply regretted it if he had let Tim kill them, but in that moment he was far more afraid of the pain of death than anything else.

S2E6 - Suicide for fame and going toe-to-toe with the Murderous Milkman. This is one of the best examples of Nathan's growth and how he has begun to cope with his power in an extremely unhealthy way. In this episode, we see him toy with the idea of allowing himself to be killed for fame (albeit not without a little bit of peer pressure from his manager), which he does on-camera. We also see him try to legitimately fight someone for the first time when he seeks out Brian specifically for revenge after learning Brian murdered Kelly. In both instances, Nathan knows he will or could die, but he's willing to go through with it anyway because he's immortal. Dying hurts, it sucks, but he's learning to see it as something unimportant when he's able to come back to life. Obviously, he wouldn't kill himself on camera without immortality, but I think it's fair to question whether or not he'd attack someone out of revenge for a dead friend. Maybe? I don't personally think so, but it might be worth watching this episode again and analyzing the scene for yourself.

S2E7 / The "Christmas Special" - Blocking a gunman from shooting his friends. I admittedly have some beef with the characterization and overall writing of this episode, but I don't think that this particular scene is OOC. In this episode, an armed gunman bursts into the bar where Curtis works and is about to shoot. Nathan wastes no time getting in front of the gun and telling him to shoot, who cares, he's immortal. It's all very badass until he's reminded uh oh! he sold his power and is actually mortal now. Realizing that, Badass Hero Nathan vanishes and he flings himself out of the way to avoid being shot (which gets Nikki killed in the process). Now, obviously, this scene is set up entirely just to fridge Nikki and you could argue that Nathan isn't as close to Nikki as his other friends, but I don't think that would have mattered. If Nathan, mortal, had the choice between jumping between his friends and a bullet or hiding... I really do think he'd hide.

Don't get me wrong, Nathan can be selfless and heroic. The fact that he's immortal does not cheapen the fact that he was willing to endure the pain of death and what appears to be a very unpleasant resurrection process for the sake of potentially saving or avenging his friends. Nathan's an ass, and he's regularly selfish, but he is not a bad guy and he sticks his neck out for people he loves way more often than any of them give him credit for. But I also just do not think that he'd be willing to sacrifice or get himself hurt if he had no supernatural "take-backs". If he sacrificed himself, I think it would have to be accidental, as with running to save Jamie; some great, fatal risk that he does not consider fatal because he's too wrapped up in an emotion greater than his fear of dying.

For your story, I think you would have to either push him to the point of not being able to think past a greater fear, or you would have to remove all other options from him. Friends gone, family gone, way of living, maybe even the rest of the world, gone. Or perhaps he's trapped, somehow, in a place where he can't return to the rest of the world? Maybe he's stuck in a place where it will forever be just him and the monster that's been hounding them. I think that he would have to sit with that revelation for a while, wear down, and then maybe he would seriously consider destroying himself to destroy the creature, if the alternative is too suffocating and grim to bear. Whatever the reason, without his friends to save, the catalyst for his decision would need to be something that directly affects Nathan, not people who are no longer alive.

Anyway, that's just my very long two cents. Again, fictional characters are up to interpretation and I think most any character can be pushed and changed to do whatever you want in the right circumstances, especially AUs. So don't let my opinions stop you if you want to take his character a different direction! The most important thing is to have fun and write the story you want to tell. c:

If you have any more thoughts or want to brainstorm some ideas, though, I'm happy to bat around some stuff with you and see what sticks! I read IT several years ago and loved it, so seeing the Misfits gang thrown into a similar situation sounds like a ton of fun.