#i never talk on here about how much i love the show reba but i fucking love reba

[love-takes-work]

Streamily.com Presents: The Steven Universe Cast Reunion Q&A Part 1

Here's a complete overview of the Q&A that was put on by Streamily, hosted by Elijah ("Not-So-Average Fangirl"), featuring Rebecca Sugar as the showrunner/creator, Deedee Magno Hall as Pearl, Lo (formerly known as Charlyne Yi) as Ruby, Estelle as Garnet, Susan Egan as Rose Quartz/Pink Diamond, Tom Scharpling as Greg Universe, Michaela Dietz as Amethyst/Famesthyst, and Larissa Gallagher as Bluebird Azurite. Read below to find out about a secret scrapped episode, Rebecca's comment on how to look at Rose Quartz, and lots of hilarious commentary from the cast about the experience of voicing characters on Steven Universe.

When the stream opened, everyone did their introductions:

Rebecca said they created the show.

Deedee said she played Pear. LOL, then said Pearl.

Lo said they played Ruby.

Susan said I play Rose . . . (with a cringe) and Pink.

Tom said "I was Greg, and I still am Greg, I guess."

Michaela: "Famethyst for life baby!"

Larissa played Bluebird, and a little bit like the character, she pops up when you don't expect it!

Estelle was not on the call at the very beginning but joined shortly after the questions began.

Here are the questions and the participants' answers!

Q: There were so many messages in SU. Which one do you hope viewers keep with them the most?

A (Rebecca): Rebecca learned to trust themself in being the authority about who they are. They were a bit rocky on this issue when the show began in their twenties, and learned they needed to be true to the art they made. That was reflected in the characters too. They hope people watching will learn to trust in themselves too, in the face of other people trying to tell you who you are.

Q: For Deedee Magno Hall: Pearl grew and changed in the show. How did it feel playing her in the first few episodes vs. the last few?

A (Deedee): There was no way for Deedee to know Pearl's journey when she started voicing her. She relied on Rebecca and the Crew to learn how to voice Pearl. The group had been talking about the pilot before they jumped onto the call, and Deedee says if she had listened side by side to what Pearl sounded like in the Pilot and what she ended up sounding like at the end, Pearl (along with character growth), vocally got exaggerated--it was Deedee's voice but really "went there"! Pearl felt so many feels. Deedee hopes she executed it well direction-wise. What a blast to play Pearl! And to see the growth in her character! It was fun and a challenge, and Deedee was grateful!

Q: For Michaela Dietz: Amethyst is silly and chaotic usually--what did Michaela pull from for the more emotional and serious moments?

A (Michaela): Many of the more emotional moments are about figuring out origins (the Kindergarten, etc.). Michaela is a transracial / transnational adoptee, so she pulled from that and was looking for her birth family while they were recording the Kindergarten episode. That was an easy well to tap. The growth that Amethyst had over the course of the series and movie and Future, Michaela feels like it parallels her relationship with the other actors and their characters. She's grateful to have made so many friends and is so happy to have learned so much from Rebecca (she joked about calling Rebecca "Reba").

Q: Question for all: If you could hang out with your character for one day, what would you do?

A (Rebecca): Steven is based on their brother, so they would love to spend time with Steven. It was challenging through Covid to not spend time with Steven. They always make time for Steven. They love spending time with people who played the characters! They never got to have a wrap party because of Covid! They were together for 8 years and they still want to have a belated wrap party. They would also love to spend time with Ruby (the self-insert character) and they love spending time with Lo too. Then they said "I need to be stopped because I'll go through every person."

Announcement: Estelle just joined!

Belatedly, the mod asks Estelle's question: Garnet is such an iconic character. Did Estelle know she was a Fusion from the beginning?

A (Estelle): No. She was the big grown Gem who took care of the others. She found out in real time with the cast when she did the recording. She was surprised by the lines in real time and had to calm herself down to record each line. She felt it was an honor.

Back to the "all: question of what each would do if they could hang out with their character.

A (Deedee), misunderstanding the question: If she could hang out with characters, would do tae bo with Garnet, get french fries with Steven, and have a karaoke and dance party with Amethyst.

A (Lo): When they were in kindergarten they would spit all over a tree and try to cover it with their spit. If they hung out with Ruby, they would ask for Ruby's help spitting on trees. There would be lots of hugging, punching pillows, etc. The moderator Elijah thinks fan artists will have fun with that.

A (Estelle): If she hung out with Garnet, she would ask Garnet to give her all the future information. She would want to borrow her "future vision goggles" too and want to know the future.

A (Tom): He would just drive around with Greg and listen to records. Go eat more. And end up going bowling.

A (Michaela): She would eat trash with Amethyst (and also some quality food?). They would mess around the San Gabriel Valley, get meal after meal, maybe buy an illegal turtle? No, that's not funny. They might hit up Ruby and spit on trees. Take in some underground wrestling. Amethyst is very intensely chill, and Michaela thinks they could do a great many things together.

A (Larissa): Going from intensely chill to intensely chaotic. She wants to bring it down from chaos and go ride Lion on the beach, with Bluebird carrying swords.

A (Susan): She wants to go into Rose's room to unpack. Pearl would need to be with her to Marie Kondo the situation. Then she would throw on a Universe shirt and hit music festivals.

Deedee realizes she misunderstood the question and wants to add: if she hung out with Pearl they would do laundry and some spring, summer, winter, and fall cleaning. Definitely Marie Kondo-ing the whole universe together.

Q for Susan Egan: Rose turned out to be a very complex character. As the story progressed and more about her was revealed, did Susan's approach to voicing her change?

A (Susan): She can't sing the praises of Rebecca enough: Susan didn't know at all what Rose's deal was. She got some hate comments when it was revealed that she was Pink, and she LOVED that because it meant the fans were invested. She was as shocked as everyone else. Pink was aging in reverse; Rose was wise and flawed, and then Susan would be voicing Pink and had to be petulant and immature, and she's thankful for Rebecca's direction in getting that right.

Q for Lo: Ruby is adorable. We got to meet so many versions of her. Other than Garnet's Ruby, which Ruby was Lo's favorite to play, and why?

A (Lo): They loved playing Navy. They got to be hammy. They ask if you know how when you order stuff at the drive-thru and you become that? They don't know why. It felt good. While voicing Ruby, they got to get in touch with how angry they were. Being seen as an Asian woman, it was nice to have a spot to channel that anger, and being Navy is like making fun of who you have to become when you're a people-pleaser. "I LOVE DIRT!"

Q for Tom Scharpling: Greg is an eccentric but loving father. What was Tom's favorite part of playing him and does he have a favorite scene?

A (Tom): Doing Greg was so fun. It's not Tom but it's more him than he thought all along. He had never done voice stuff before this, so he went in completely new. A script would say "walla walla" but he thought he was supposed to say "walla walla." Everybody laughed at him. He knew literally nothing about proper voice acting. So he got to really try and work at it. It was so satisfying to get to better at it. Anything from "Mr. Greg" was the big one in terms of a memorable episode. It was the best time.

Q for Larissa Gallagher: Bluebird Azurite is quite a menace. Did she listen to the individual Ruby and Aquamarine voice acting for inspiration?

A (Larissa): Yes. The script said Bluebird was Cockney, so she already knew what to aim for, but it turned out that taking those inspirations from the two characters she's made of would have led to this kind of voice naturally.

Q for All: Where do you each of the participants think their character is now and what are they doing?

A (Rebecca): To the cast, they know what the characters are up to post-show, but they can't say, it's too canonical.

A (Deedee): Says she doesn't know what canonical means. Pearl is probably doing more laundry and working on an album.

A (Lo): They guess they're just . . . fused. (Perhaps separating for scouting?) They might play Ruby Rider but not alone anymore. Interdependence, learning how to ground; Lo is not really sure how to answer since they feel like Ruby would spend most of her time as Garnet.

A (Estelle): She doesn't know. She figures Garnet sees what was gonna happen and just said "mmm." Just chilling. Even when she's fighting she has to be chill with the fighting-related grunting. She got direction to "flatline" her acting. She found it pretty natural though.

A (Tom): Greg is probably right where everything started again. Maybe working at a GameStop. Maybe he owns a bowling alley now. When asked what Greg would name it, he replies "Strikes and Spares."

A (Michaela): Amethyst would randomly get rich with Bitcoin and is retired. Maybe she would play Taiwanese Mahjong. Living a great retired life.

A (Larissa): Bluebird would be plotting and scheming and planning. Probably on a big planning board.

A (Susan): If Rose and/or Pink exists on any level, the only appropriate thing for her to be up to is community service. Like cleaning up trash at the bowling alley? Susan thinks it's time to start having a positive impact.

Q for Rebecca Sugar: Were there any scenes that ended up on the cutting room floor that you wish you could have included?

A (Rebecca): There was a bunker episode that they spent weeks on trying to crack; they wish they'd finished it. Ronaldo had a doomsday bunker. Sadie and Lars were trapped in it (with Steven). There's no way to leave. They were working on it so long and just couldn't make it work but they were determined to (maybe a little bit of the sunk cost fallacy!).

But usually the things that got left on the floor ended up evolving and changing into something different, even if they were really attached to the original idea. The idea for "Barn Mates" was originally that Sadie and Lapis would be the roommates with Sadie going to college. They feel that the Sadie story they ended up actually using was great. They love what they ended up doing with Lapis too.

In the very earliest version of "Giant Woman," Steven was going to unfuse into the two parts of him. And his "perfect" form, the big glowing muscular adult-looking Steven, was a Season 1 idea, and they didn't use him until Future. (After all, our roly-poly Steven is perfect!)

Now there are some fan-submitted questions. Their usernames are included.

Q for Deedee Magno Hall, from Makittuu: In what ways is Pearl special to you?

A (Deedee): She feels like a broken record, but she says again she was grateful to be voicing someone with the same natural voice as she had, and she had always wanted to be able to sing in a cartoon. She loves that she got to sing in the show. Pearl was the first major voice acting role that she had ever done and there's no way she would have known what the show was going to become and how successful it would be. She was auditioning for everything and was new to voice acting at the time. But one thing that she loved about voicing Pearl is that she got to share the experience with her kids. She connected the love Pearl had for Steven with the love she had for her sons. When she started voicing Pearl her kids were 2 and 8. For them to be able to watch Steven Universe on TV and hear Mommy's voice was so cool to share with her family. Now her kids are 13 and 19!

Q for Estelle, from Gonosoi: Do you have any fun stories from recording your lines on the show?

A (Estelle): When she was going through things in her life--and she thinks this is true no matter where you are or how you identify--the show somehow could speak to whatever she was going through. The lines would often be relevant. She'd come in with sunglasses on because it was early for her and her voice would be low. She'd be crying behind her glasses in difficult moments. She liked a fresh first take instead of knowing ahead of time what she'd be reading, so she didn't read the script ahead of time. She was surprised by needing to do the "ugh" and "ah" noises in different ways. It'd be difficult vocally. With Michaela, Zach, and Deedee, in between the lines and reading things together, hearing them switch back and forth between talking about life and then doing their recordings, it was so cool to see them do their work.

Q for Michaela Dietz, from Mal: Which one of your other characters would get along well with Amethyst?

A (Michaela): Definitely Vee from The Owl House. Maybe Maj'el from Star Trek Prodigy. She would be so "What is this purple being? Why do you eat? Where does the food go?" She'd be fascinated with Amethyst. And Michaela feels like Amethyst would thrive and try to do weird stuff in response. The shapeshifting she has in common with Vee. They'd get up to some trouble. Fun trouble. Harmless trouble. (Another fanart cue!)

Q for Susan Egan, from Gladde: Does Susan feel that Rose forgot about Spinel? Does she think she wanted to go back?

A (Susan): Susan thinks a lot was forgotten in her mind when she became Rose. Rose was so enamored of what's in front of her in every moment; she lives in the moment and can be a good quality but obviously Susan didn't know all of that when she was recording! Steven Universe is her kids' favorite thing she's done. Rebecca?

A (Rebecca): So much of the show is about how--something that was ultimately captured in the end credits song-- when you don't think of yourself as someone with power, Pink had less power than everyone around her, and she didn't know how much she mattered to others. She did things to them that she didn't think twice about because her importance to others didn't register. Feeling that she didn't matter, it radiated out. To her--her relationship with Spinel, Spinel was a toy to her. When she got a chance to grow up, she thought it made sense to leave Spinel behind. Pink is actually a softened version of what she was originally planned to be like. The sympathetic side of that and her self deprecation grew as they developed Pink over time. In aspiring to be a better person than she thought she was, that became who she was.

A (Susan): Rebecca brought all these characters' complexity to the table. It's easy to make things two-dimensional but people are complicated and we need to look at that in context. Good and bad can exist in the same person. She doesn't want Rose to always want to think about being Pink, but she thinks it helped her want to save more characters as Rose.

A (Rebecca): Rebecca likes to think of the Pink Diamond / Rose character as a cautionary tale.

Q for Lo, from stiffcorpse00: What kind of dates would Ruby and Sapphire go on?

A (Lo): Axe-throwing. They reference walking through doors and accidentally crashing into the frame, and they say "That's me." So they wouldn't do axe-throwing personally. Maybe Ruby and Sapphire would get some boba. Go walking. Teach Ruby how to float in water back because anger makes Ruby sink. Helping Ruby get anger out by screaming into pillows. Swinging one way and the other way.

Michaela suggests they could go to a rage room.

Lo objects that they're so expensive, and that they could just break stuff without needing to pay for it.

Susan suggests it'd be a writeoff because it's for work.

Lo says they'll go there and take a date.

Michaela says the experience is exhausting and therefore you don't need much time there.

Lo says a Ruby and Sapphire date involving paintball would be great, but everyone would run from Sapphire. Ruby's rage would get in the way. Sapphire would coldly get everyone.

There is more discussion of smashing fax machines and glass etc. in a rage room. Deedee asks "What is a fax machine?"

Q for Tom Scharpling, from GalixyYouniverse: What was his reaction to Greg getting his hair cut and was he upset?

A (Tom): He was fine with it. He was always coming from a different place than everyone else. His change would be getting rich or getting a haircut. Everyone else's was huge and cosmic. Anything with Greg, he related to Greg more than he should admit to.

Rebecca points out they have like drawings from 2013 with Greg with short hair. Sacrificing hair in a battle is something they always wanted to do.

Q for Larissa Gallagher from 1F4cnt4ND: How does she think Aquamarine and Ruby met and what was it like when they fused?

A (Larissa): She says it was a little bit mean to put her after Tom answering about the hair cut! But she doesn't know. If she had to say anything, it'd be existential. When you meet someone and you get that ball of energy inside you and you don't know whether it's good or bad--you don't know what's going to happen but something will happen. She likes to think that's the kind of energy that evolved. It didn't go in the most helpful emotional way but it was that moment attraction that no one can explain. Rebecca?

A (Rebecca): They had discussed in the writers room what Steven's influence is on Homeworld, how there'd be all these Gems on the wrong side of history, whether they were high status like Aquamarine or low like Eyeball, they'd pool into an out-group and meet to be frustrated about it. They'd been working on something that made sense before Steven changed the rules. Different types of fusions / collaborations and one born out of frustration and spite was one they wanted on the show.

Q for all participants, from trynottohappen: What was the hardest scene to record?

A (Susan): The first thing she did as Rose was the VHS tape. The monologue was her first time playing a mother, and it spoke to her heart. Like Michaela looking for her biological parents, there's something the character can teach you. Susan had to pull herself together after reading it--she needed to be joyful about her progeny coming. It makes her weep even today. It was one of her favorite things. She loved recorded with Deedee, and loved the love between them, the betrayal of Rose to Pearl, when we finally get to know what was really going on between them.

A (Larissa): The scene where Bluebird revealed her backstory of why they felt the way they felt. The complexity of the characters in the show, the hate isn't just "I hate because someone did this and said that." It's grounded, a real space of hurt that can never be fixed. Having to recreate that and not hate the character but love the character because of how much pain they were in. That was difficult but incredible.

A (Michaela): The hardest scenes were toward the end because she knew the show was ending. They were cherishing every moment together. In 2016, the day after the election, that was a hard day. Everybody was really distraught. There was a group hug at the end. In a time of such uncertainty, it gave her so much solace to know they had each other and they had art, they had ways of expressing themselves, that day sticks out.

A (Tom): For him, the songs were difficult. He would get sent a demo Rebecca recorded the night before, he's driving into NYC from New Jersey and listening to the song for hours all morning so he'd have it in his head, and then would be so nervous doing the songs because he didn't want the whole recording to be just him going word by word, line by line. The songs were the big thing he was hung up on. He'd try to do the songs first, then the spoken lines, and then the things where he yelled--he'd end up screaming sometimes and he'd not have a voice left. He wanted to do right by these very special songs. He jokes that Rebecca said he let them down over and over. (Rebecca denies.)

A (Estelle): She doesn't remember many hard moments. She'd attribute that to Rebecca's direction. She took a laid-back approach. The grunts and noises weren't familiar but also weren't difficult for her. She'd drink tea after. Real life would be happening but they always had each other in their bubble.

A (Lo): The Ruby Rider episode was the most fun and the hardest. They always wanted to play a cowboy! They were also going through a divorce during the recording. It was tough leading up to marrying Sapphire, delivering the lines, and they started crying because the opposite was happening in their life. And then they got direction to be more emotional even though they were crying. They said their voice was dead inside even though they were quite emotional. They're shy in the booth. Lo felt sweaty and weird doing the acting in front of other people, feeling awkward, and this is the first time they had to be a voice actor. This was THE WORST playing multiple characters during the baseball episode.

Michaela was so impressed with Lo having to be "like 800 characters."

Lo comments that doing 5 voices around other people as a neurodivergent person was so difficult.

A (Deedee): She loved receiving the demo recordings before having to sing a song. One of her favorite things was the singing. She wants the album of all Rebecca's demos. She remembers getting a script Monday to prepare and record on Wednesday. She heavily depended on the voice director and Rebecca. The really wordy scripts were difficult for Deedee with "ten-dollar words." The screaming was also really difficult. (She'd also do singing at the beginning, speaking in the middle, screaming at the end.)

A (Rebecca): Instead answering what scene was the hardest to write, they say there are so many. Because it was storyboard-driven, the script was in flux until it was animated, and they'd still be working with dialogue. With the potluck, when Lars doesn't show, Sadie has dialogue as she's walking down the street talking about Lars. They did a thousand drafts of it. With Sadie's story, there's a matryoshka of struggling with self-esteem while commenting on other people's self-esteem. There was a long path to get Steven to step into his mom's shoes. The biggest thing was tracking the ongoing storyline in a storyboard-driven show. Rose's speech was pored over as well. They wanted it to be layered and make more sense as you learn more about her. Does this line encapsulate everything you're going to learn about this character 60 episodes from now?

Q from CaughtMoonlight: If each of them could play any other Gem, who would it be?

A (Susan): Everyone wants to be Garnet, but could never!

A (Larissa): Ditto. 100%. Also, not a Gem, but she wants to be Lion.

A (Michaela): Peridot. All the way.

A (Tom): He says he can't do that and he's just a slob doing the voice of a slob. These things are all out of his reach.

A (Estelle): She'd go with turbocharged Peridot. She says the things that are in Garnet's brain. She'd get spicy with it.

A (Lo): Lo would choose Greg. They say he's not a slob. The world should be more relaxed and accessible.

Tom says he doesn't mean slob in a bad way. But he owns his slobbiness.

A (Deedee): Hard question! She loved voicing Pearl and all the Pearls. Everybody else, it would be so hard to voice. No comment.

A (Rebecca): Early on they decided to take a back seat and not cast themself. They loved being in the director role. They put a lot of themself into SO many characters. That let them have a presence in everyone. One thing they're really grateful for, but their former boarder Adam Muto on Adventure Time, they got to voice Marceline's mother. The composers aivi and surasshu asked them to sing "Love Like You" because it's really a reflection of so many characters that they got to write.

Q for All: They are asked to share their projects and socials.

A (Rebecca): Working on things they can't talk about yet. Last year they released an independent album. Years ago Estelle said Rebecca should tour. Susan said kind things. Lo texts songs back and forth. They would not have been able to make that album without that encouraging. Tom had them on the radio show. So humbling. Spiral Bound is a little EP and they're so grateful. They'd love to do more stuff like that.

A (Deedee): She loves the album. She is doing some recurring voices for Kiff on the Disney channel, and singing praise and worship at church.

A (Lo): They're playing Larry in StuGo who's shirtless and gender fluid on Disney. They want everyone to know sunsets are awesome. Catch them while you can to chase away depression.

A (Estelle): She has a new album coming out early next year, with two singles out now. The music is uplifting. And there's the Estelle Show (on Apple radio!). She's just living her best life.

A (Tom): The Best Show/podcast is still on every week. He started writing a new book--he wrote one a few years ago and thinks the one he's writing now will be done in maybe 11 years, so check it out in 2038. Just working on TV stuff and dealing with whatever happens.

A (Michaela): Exciting stuff we can't talk about. It's tangerine season! Trees going off! Been harvesting.

A (Larissa): Just got back from Japan. Trying to get back there. Video games are coming out but she can't talk about it. She is working on a startup called Ethovox, trying to protect voice actors int he age of AI. Larissa got so much fandom just from doing Bluebird for two minutes! She's so grateful for that.

A (Susan): She produces live concert content for Disney worldwide. She loves being behind the scenes and creating jobs for others and bringing joy. They've been in 18 countries! She wrote shows for the Hollywood Bowl.

Part Two comes out November 18, 2024! You can get signed prints at Streamily!

[jeremycollinsstan]

in defense of emily's move last night

okay so basically i had the night to think abt it and tbh i rly should be studying and doing work for finals but i can't move on until i've said my comprehensive piece on this.

note: my opinions r not all original as i've watched the know-it-alls and have been occasionally checking the reddit but here are my thoughts:

bruce. emily knows bruce is a polarizing and erratic player. at the start of the episode, she vocalized that its very very hard to make a move with the belos because they are such a fractured group, specifically with bruce being the core of that rupture within belo. it would be completely out of character for her to say something so logical at the top of the episode then, later, do something completely contradictory.

katurah. at the sanctuary, she watched katurah throw bruce under the bus and immediately reveal his lie about the idol. while i don't necessarily fault katurah for doing that, it also showed emily that katurah and bruce were simply never going to work together. if they can't even pull together to tell a single lie, why would she move forward with such an unconnected pair?

women. she keeps the women in the game. side note, i know a lot of people have hated on emily for ratting out the all-womens alliance in the kellie boot episode but in kellie's exit press with rob c, she said that the women's alliance was basically a non-factor and almost no one, at that time, thought it was real so...take that how you will. anyway, this point is mostly speculation on my part and, in all honesty, is likely to be completely disproven in the next episode but there has been a lot of focus on drew + austin + emily as the trio she's most tightly entangled with. however, at the sanctuary, there was a lot of talk about a woman winning the game and big bonding moments between the women. i'm a bit of a edgic tin hatter but why would they keep that in the show if a woman wasn't going to win or if the women don't come together in some way? maybe, because of the reward, emily is now seeing a path forward with dee + julie or even katurah. by eliminating bruce, she keeps the women's numbers up against the mens. **NOTE: this is pure speculation and i'm going to be hella embarrassed when that doesn't happen next week but, hey, a girl can dream, i guess. so much of my survivor watching experience is pure delusion!**

jury management. emily has been jury managing her ASS off. she is leveraging her position as the sole lulu left to disseminate information to people on the bottom and i LOVE it. stephen pointed out that her brutal honesty really worked with jake in last nights episode. she basically told him the information he needed to hear about drew targeting him (which, in turn, strengthened her relationship with jake as he had been desiring both a human and game connection) while also not being the one to make a move either way. she said "i'm in a good position right now so i can't." if anyone else had said that, jake probably would've gotten pissed at them but he understood where emily was coming from as she is the lone lulu left the game. furthermore, it seems from the edit that the jury is giving her sole credit for the bruce move (deserved, honestly) which bruce will probably only echo when he gets to ponderosa as she, seemingly, had been the one to convince him not to play his idol. i think she's been using the adam klein brutal honesty strategy to great effect. shes probably doing it better than adam did it, honestly lmfao. it may blow up in her face if drew and jake come together to compare notes but right now it seems to be working well.

finally, timing. i think that if she pulled trigger on the julie move, it would've been way too early. by getting rid of julie this round, she would open herself up as a target to dee + drew + austin, who probably all see katurah and jake as more of a goat than they see her to be. she would've revealed herself to a) be against reba (which dee is staunchly and vindictively against) and b) the most strategic person of the last three non-reba remaining. if she pulled the move against julie then, at best, for the next round, she could force a tie with katurah and jake but honestly they seem more interested in being the fifth reba than working against the power alliance so that wouldn't be ideal either. i think that by holding back, she's hoping to find and exploit a crack later in the very endgame. whether there even will be a crack remains to be seen.

tldr; i can't say with 100% confidence that financial analyst emily flippen will win the game but i think her move last night to vote out bruce is being way over-hated and i can honestly see a lot of merit and her thinking behind it. she's a logical player and, given the cards she has, i think it was a pretty logical move.

[roosterbox]

It’s Done

I’ve finished watching Hannibal. And honestly idk how y’all survived that finale back in 2015. Goddamn.

Anyway, I took notes. Spoilers, obviously.

Notes on The Wrath of the Lamb

Oooooooh boy here we fucking goooooo. Idk if I’m ready for this, guys

Poor Chilton. Really.

And poor Reba! She’s so awesome.

Richard Armitage is really great as Dolarhyde.

He’s got such a deep fucking voice, damn son.

Go Reba go!

This is my last time seeing this intro. *sighs*

Side note: at least half of the ads I’ve gotten on Hulu since watching this show have been kind of queer themed. I’m not gonna say it was because of Hannibal, but I’m not not saying that either, lol.

Will and Reba, awww. These two.

Will is such a good, ugh. I love him.

Dig dat memory palace

Get you a man that looks at you like Hannibal Lecter looks at Will Graham.

“What a cunning boy you are.” HANNI you’re such a FLIRT, stahp.

Is he stopped? Is he really, Will?

All of Will and Hannibal’s scenes in the second half of season 3 are like two birds doing a matching pair of outrageous mating dances. While also shit-talking each other the whole time. Their courtship game is next level.

THE HAND ON THE GLASSSSSSS my hearrrrrrrt

Will tries breaking Hannibal’s heart again, lol.

Oh shiiiiiiit. Told you he wasn’t stopped, Will.

Francis, if you hurt my baby boy…

Jimmy and Zeller! I’m gonna miss you guys when this ends. Even you, Zeller.

Bedelia! I’m sure I’ll see you again…

Also Will is sooooooo bitchy to her, lmao. He’s so jealous.

But Bedelia does know all.

“Meat’s back on the menu” FORESHADOWING, lmao. I love jealous, bitchy Will so much.

Yeeesh, poor Chilton. It’s kinda strange, because if this had happened to movie!Chilton? I wouldn’t have cared. Movie!Chilton is a true and irredeemable asshole of the highest order. But something (be it the writing or Raul Esparza) made series!Chilton into a more interesting, sympathetic, well-rounded character than his film counterpart. Never would have thought going in that I’d actually like Frederick Chilton, lol.

Gotta say, I’m not super fond of Alana’s post time skip hairstyle. But that’s just me.

Hanni hopes Chilton won’t be very ugly. Nice reference to the Red Dragon book, though he was talking about Will in that.

I love it when Hannibal gets all menacing. I don’t actually find Mads that intimidating as a person, but when he gets like that? Almost.

“I’ll say pretty please.” Oh I’m sure you will, Will. I’m sure you will ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

All of their fucking scenes are supercharged with sexual tension, my god.

“I need you, Hannibal.” And just like that, all of Hanni’s fantasies are coming true. Well, almost all of them. We’ll get back to that…

The escape. Yessssss.

Oh hey Francis. Fancy seeing you here.

“Going my way?” ASDFGHJKJHGFDS THESE GUYSSSSSS

The way Will looks at Hannibal ASDFJKLBFJBLK I cannot.

btw I still remember that Bryan Fuller said that Will and Hannibal’s “lips were busy” while the time passed. Don’t think I’ve forgotten, lmao.

And they’ve changed clothes, hmmmmm

There’s the Goldberg Variations again.

“My compassion for you is inconvenient, Will” might as well have said he loves him, lol.

IT BEGINS.

Hanni deliberately stood in front of the window (and Will) to take the bullet.

WILL! Francis, you touched his FACE! His beautiful FACE! How could you?!

Pull out that knife, Will.

They kill as a team. How romantic 🥰 And thus marks the moment when literally all of Hannibal’s deepest fantasies came true.

Damn, son. Daaaaamn.

I love to see my baby boy go so FERAL. It’s my favorite headcanon about how they kill together: Hanni is very clean, collected, almost elegant. Whereas Will will go straight savage on a motherfucker.

The blood spreads like wings. That’s cute.

Oh my goooooood it’s HAPPENING.

“This is all I ever wanted for you, Will. For both of us.” AHHHHHHHH!

“It’s beautiful.” I AM SCREAMING AND CRYING AND ROLLING ON THE FLOOOOOOR.

I think I love this song tbh.

The EMBRACE.

The FALL.

And then they went on the run. Also they got married. And fucked. A lot.

OH HEY Bedelia. Bon Appetit!

And with that… my first time Hannibal viewing journey comes to an end. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t very emotional about it. Also about that cliff scene, GODDAMN. I’ll see about doing a big write up about my thoughts tomorrow. It’s getting a bit late for that now.

Summary: I loved it.

I’m off to read more fanfics, lol.

[xxgothchatonxx]

Oh fuck, I just realized this is the “Please.” “Going my way?” “Meats back on the menu.” & Fall episode all in one. Idk how I’m gonna survive this.

I started this show (from the start) on March 8th. It’s now December 28!!!!

The Wrath of the Lamb:

* And we open with Reba & The Dragon!

* What are you doing…what are you planning?

* REBA NO NO NO NO

* OH MY GOD, WHY?

* NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

* DONT HURT HER, FRANCIS!

* WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHY DO YOU HAVE GAS?? WHY ARE YOU GOING TO BURN HER?

* “BETTER YOU GO WITH ME.” NO NOOOO NO NO NO

* WHAT THE FUCK? HE SHOT HIMSELF WHAT THE FUCK?

* GET OUT THERE, GIRL!!!

* Oh sweetheart. & WILL!

* OH I LOVE THIS! How the world will describe her & Francis vs how they really are, as Will describes, “You drew a man with a freak in his back.” & she KNOws there’s nothing wrong with her ugh I love her so much😭

* AHHHH PALERMO MIND PALACE IN THE WHITE SUIT DATE LET’S FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOO

* “I was rooting for you.” “You came all this way & you didn’t get to kill anybody,” He’s such a comedian. & a bastard all in one!

* You say The Dragon stopped & yet we have 31 minutes left.

* “Think about me. Think about me, Will. Don’t worry about me.”

* GASP WHAT THE FUCK THIS IS THE HAND ON THE SEXY GLASS CELL EPISODE TOO WHAT THE FUCK

* Hannibal is once again not taking their break up not well at all. And Will is taking it PERFECTLY! Good for you, baby!

* I sense a JUMPSCARE FUCKING HELL FRANCIS WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?? GET YOUR HANDS OFF HIM!

* William Encephalitis Graham understands MORE THAN YOU KNOW

* OH MY GOD I LOVE THOSE MELDING VOICES OF WILL & HANNI FOR FRANCIS

* “I’m stronger than the dragon now.” Calling bullshit on that, but I love that William Revenge Eyes Graham is once again here for the fall of Hannibal Lecter! LET’S GET PLOTTING!

* Jimmy is doing lots of talking and interrupting Zoeller & I love it! I really miss this pair, which I think is very telling of me because I didn’t love them in the beginning lol

* OF COURSE HE KEPT & USED HIS GRANDMA’S TEETH!

* I’m GRINNING! I knew this plan was coming & I love it!

* Oh, here comes the “you love him so much it makes you stupid” bit from Bedelia who does not like this AT ALL!

* Will’s little eyebrow raise is getting him all the awards this evening. Main character energy

* “I don’t intend Hannibal to be caught a second time.“ In other words, you intend for Hannibal to be dead.

* You’re “BECOMING?” High empathy to bloody off a cliff pipeline incoming

* MEAT’S BACK ON THE MENUUUUU

* OH I FORGOT SHE SAID TWITCHY!!!

* Oh, yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck. The last time someone was in that kind of chamber they burned to death. I love you, Georgia Madchen!

* OH FREDICK IS HAVING A BALLLLLLL

* Alana is right, he’s never been comfortable in his own skin, but I do enjoy the Silence reference!

* Hanni is enjoying this. But he knows to be cautious thanks to Fredrick’s flame.

* “You died in my kitchen, Alana, when you chose to be brave. Every moment since is borrowed. Your wife, your child, they belong to me. You made a bargain for Will’s life, and then I spun you gold.” This man is evil. We all know that, but this is the one that I take the most offensive way. And he has said much worse.

* I enjoy this trio very much! Such a fun drinking buddies

* How the fuck do we have 15 mins left??

* His suit is so ugly. We begin & end the show with ugly suits.

* HE SAID MIC DROP STOP THIS IS IT?? MIND PALACE DATE TO TALK ABOUT REJECTION?? AMAZING

* Say the magic word, William. THAT’S IT!

* Oh my fucking God. Francis! You sneaky, sneaky little man!

* I really like this version of a Hannibal. No pretenses, no masking, just having fun and killing people. And going on a road trip with his ex.

* And there goes our adorable happy family! We really needed some thing with them, like way more than just this single scene!

* Mentions of Miriam and Abigail. Christ, I love how interconnected everything is, but it also just makes me sad.

* I mean, it’s a really nice Airbnb. I just know someone is gonna end up bloody on the floor in a little bit.

* “You intend to watch him kill me?“ “I intend to watch him change you.” OOOOHHHHHH

* I don’t know if I can save myself. Maybe that’s just fine.” I don’t know if you can either, sweetheart.💔

* A FRIEND? YALL ARE STILL AS FAR AWAY FROM FRIENDSHIP AS THE DARK OF THE SHADOWS OR WHATEVER THE FUCK THAT LINE WAS IN SEASON 2!

* OH FUCK HE GOT SHOT

* FRANCISSSSS, THIS SHOWS REAL GROWTH!!!!!

* & Will’s just there having his little drink, watching Hanni bleed. Good for him.

* HSHDHDHDJDBD SHEJSHDH YOU ATAB THE BOY? IN HIS FACE?

* Y’all are just taking turns with that fucking knife?

* OH NOT THE WINGS

* BLOODY WILL YES GO GET ‘EM!!!!

* AX AX AX OH DID NOT EXPECT THIS MUSIC SHIFT WOW THIS IS SOMETHING

* OH DID YOU HAVE TO BITE HIS NECK, HANNI? THE SLICE ACROSS THE STOMACH WAS ENOUGH!

* THE WINGSSSSS

* OH THE BLOODY WINGS

* YES, IT DOES LOOK BLACK IN THE MOONLIGHT, WILLIAM!

* WHAT THE FUCK?? “SEE?” SEE??? SEE???????

* IT IS BEAUTIFUL 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

* OH MY GOD I LOVE THEM SO MUCH AHHHHHH NO NO NO COME BACK

* SIGH I DID IT BUT AT WHAT COST???

* SHE LOOKS GREAT, AND SO DOES HER LEG!!!! Oh shit, that’s her office!

And now you have seen one of the best series finales I've ever seen.. Bryan and co. were like "yeah the production phase was rushed as hell and the end scene didn't really sit well with us UNTIL along comes Siouxsie Sioux who is also a HUGE Fannibal, so she and Brian Reitzell kind of saved us at the end there"

I just- UGH, this show was so good! We'll never see another show quite like it.

I'm so happy you finally reached the end, my darling <3

If you'd like to see more Hanni and Will, I highly recommend Manhunter (w/ Brian Cox and William "best Will Graham EVER" Petersen) and Red Dragon (w/ Anthony Hopkins and Edward "...the writing is a bit off so he's my least fave Will, unfortunately" Norton)

[kolbisneat]

MONTHLY MEDIA: October 2022

The spookiest time of the year and I’m not talking about tax season! Here’s how I spent the month of October.

……….FILM……….

Tremors (1990) Really really great. The premise is simple enough yet I was consistently surprised by the movie’s creativity. Plenty of suspense and really great effects PLUS a gun-toting Reba McEntire. This movie really has it all.

Wayne’s World (1992) Having never seen this before, it held up surprisingly well! I’d never expect 100% of the jokes to survive 30 years but the characters and writing are really really great. That Scooby-Doo ending/call-back? Incredible. Really fun.

Forrest Gump (1994) Having never seen this before, I’m surprised by how dated it felt. I know Hanks won an award(s) for his role but it...is a different watch today than it was in ‘94. It was just so jarring at the beginning of the film, you know? And it’s interesting that a lot of the special effects that were cutting edge then are the sort you can now do with filters on your phone. Just wild progress in 30ish years. Anyway it really is about two people: one with fantastic luck and one with terrible luck, isn’t it?

Romancing the Stone (1984) Perfect casting and Danny DeVito’s style in this movie is a 10/10. Lots of fun and I can only assume the mudslide scene went on to influence the waterslides in the Goonies.

Werewolf By Night (2022) Happy to see some visual and tonal variety in the Marvel stuff. I wish this one better connected with me but it felt incomplete and I’m not sure why. Oh well. Practical effects, puppet corpse, and B&W blood were all top notch.

……….TELEVISION……….

The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power (Episode 1.06 to 1.08) I liked it. Maybe i’m the perfect viewer since I’ve read some of the books, liked the movies, but am not reeeeeeally all that concerned with the show’s accuracy; I just want some good television. If each season follows Sauron’s journey deceiving a group and getting them to make the rings, I’d be happy.

……….READING……….

Feet of Clay by Terry Pratchett (Page 264 of 415) A little slow reading this over the course of the month but still totally enamoured with the Discworld setting. Maybe it’s unfair for a series with 40+ titles but I’ve never felt more like I’m in a real and living world than when I’m reading a Pratchett novel. Truly a pleasure to read each and every entry.

Batman: Dark Victory by Jeph Loeb and Tim Sale (Complete) These two make books that are meant to be read around Halloween. I remember reading this shortly after Loeb and Sale’s The Long Halloween and not liking it as much but now as an adult, I recognize it for being its own thing. Really great and these two create what are the epitome of comics: flashy yet considered artwork, accessible yet rich narratives, and a really beautiful merging of the two. 

Delicious in Dungeon Vol. 11 by Ryoko Kui (Complete) Still my favourite ongoing manga series and still one I will recommend until I’m blue in the face. So good. I can’t tell if the series is wrapping up, or really digging into another phase. EIther way, I’m loving it.

……….AUDIO……….

Articles of Interest (Podcast) For those who wear clothes, I can’t recommend this podcast enough. The new season is all about ivy as a style but if you want more episodic listens, go back to the previous season.

……….GAMING……….

Oz: A Fantasy Role-Playing Setting (Andrews McMeel Publishing) The group is digging deeper into the political intrigue as they explore Munchkin District and finally met the regional mayor, Hungry Tiger! No word yet if they’ll be able to meet Cowardly Lion or explore his sapphire castle. If you want more detail then you can read all about it over here!

Neverland: A Fantasy Role-Playing Setting (Andrews McMeel Publishing) The Mof1 group had just one session this month where they fought a giant stone obelisk. They literally chipped away at it for a couple hours but it was a satisfying victory!

Wizorb (Tribute Games) I don’t play video games often but a mix of fantasy and pinball for like...$5 sounded perfect to me. I played it a bit but I found there were too many frustrating level designs to really enjoy it. Maybe I should go back and play Kirby’s Pinball Land on my Gameboy.

And that’s it! As always, let me know if you have any recommendations and see you next month!

[girl-with-cat-eyes]

Wednesdays

Summary: Wednesdays are Janus Picani's busiest day. Between meetings, snack day, soccer practice, and art club, he's running around like a chicken with his head cut off. This Wednesday, however, is sure to change the lives of the Picani family forever. Jan's sure they can handle it though.

Ships: Platonic Moceit, thvi

A/N: I've been rewatching the old Reba sitcom from the 2000s and I'd forgotten just how good it was. Good enough that I wanted to write an au for it. Thank you so much to @amazon-me-bitches and my lovely qpp @forever-forgotten-angel for beta reading this and helping me to work out the kinks with the plot. As always, leave a comment if you like this. Enjoy!

For most people, Mondays were their busiest day. It made sense; returning to the workweek, school, etc. For Janus Picani, however, the title of busiest day went to Wednesday. His firm always had partner meetings, they were Emile’s day to bring class snacks, Remy had soccer, and Virgil had art club. On top of that, Jan’s therapy sessions were Wednesdays, which meant he had to make sure all of his work was done 15 minutes early so he could get to his appointment on time. Safe to say, to say Wednesdays weren’t exactly his favorite day.

“Emile! Get down here! You don’t want to be late for school!”, He called upstairs as he finished making breakfast sandwiches. Virgil stood across from him, packing lunches for his brothers.

“He probably can’t find his backpack. He left it down here after he finished his homework.”

Janus sighed, “This wouldn’t be a problem if he just left his backpack down here every night. Remy go get your brother and tell him his backpack is down here.”, the young boy got up, rolling his eyes and Jan had to bite back a sigh. Remy had always been his sassiest child.

“Why can’t Virgil do it?”

Virgil raised an eyebrow at him, “Because I’m making lunch, I can go get him if you want to make your own sandwich ?”, Remys shook his head and ran upstairs, Virgil chuckling at the sight.

Janus finished plating breakfast and turned to thank Virgil, frowning when he saw that Virgil had only made two lunches. He looked pointedly at his son, “You’re not eating?”, he asked.

Virgil shrugged, “I’m gonna get lunch at school today. They’re having burritos.”, Janus nodded. As long as he was eating. Patton came downstairs before he could reply, Remy and Emile in tow.

“I found these two trying to play on the Switch.”, Emile and Remy sat down, guilty little grins on their faces that told Jan that they didn’t regret it, “Good thing I went to check on them.” “Good thing indeed.” He handed Pat a plate, pouting a cup of coffee for his husband? Ex? Janus wasn’t sure what to call the man he’d been married to for 20 years, separated from, hadn’t divorced, and who still lived in the house with. Regardless he poured him a cup of coffee, “Ok so you’re taking Emile and Remy to school and I’ll take Virgil. I’ll pick up Remy and you pick up Emile and-” “-and I’m catching a ride home with Thomas after theater. I’m working on the sets for Little shop today.”, Virgil piped up and Jan had to hold back a grimace at the mention of his boyfriend. He like Thomas, he really did. In terms of high school boyfriends, Thomas had been nothing but a gentleman. But the thought of his son dating still upset Janus deep down; according to his therapist, he was grappling with the thought of his baby growing up.

“Ok.”, he replied, keeping his thoughts to himself. It wouldn’t do any good to speak them when they were his problem to deal with, “I’ll pick up takeout on the way home.”

“Jan? I was wondering if you’d want to come to the restaurant today for lunch?”, He turned to look at Patton. Based on the tone in his voice Janus knew that this wasn’t just a friendly invitation to taste a new menu item. He sighed: he’d been planning to work through his lunch today so he could get out on time.

Regardless, this seemed serious, “Ok. I’ll be there at noon.”, he promised. He quickly finished his breakfast and looked over to Virgil, “Ready to go?”, he asked. He nodded and finished pouring his iced coffee and they were off.

The ride to Virgil’s school was as quick as always. Music played lowly on the radio, lowly on the radio and Janus hummed along. It would be peaceful if not for the fact that Virgil kept fidgeting and staring out the window. Something was up, “Ok. Something’s wrong. Spill.” Virgil turned to look at him, “What? Nothing’s wrong.”, He straightened his face, trying to appear calm. Janus didn’t buy it for a second, “I’m fine.” “Virgil James Picani. I have known you since you were born. I have held you for night after night. I know you inside out. And I know when you’re lying to me. What’s wrong? Is someone bothering you?” Virgil shook his head. “No. It’s just that Mr.Prince, the drama teacher, wants me to be Seymore’s understudy. And I know the chances of me going on stage are rare but I don’t want to take that chance. And I don’t know how to tell him without letting him down.” “Baby bat, just tell him the truth. I’m sure he’ll understand.”, Virgil nodded. The issue seemed to be solved, yet Janus had a feeling that there was something else wrong. But before he could ask any more, they’d arrived and Virgil was getting out. “Love you, Dad! I’ll see you after school!”, Janus shook his head, trying to keep his concerns down. He’d ask Virgil after school. It was fine.

Being a lawyer certainly had its perks; financial security being a prime example. Meetings running long weren’t that though. Janus sighed as he rushed into Pat’s. The warm lighting and delicious smells greeting him. Even if he’d preferred to work through his lunch, Janus couldn’t deny that the thought of Patton’s cooking made his mouth water. There was a reason people came from near and far to this place.

Speaking of Patton, Janus spotted the bespectacled man sitting in their usual booth, a bottle of wine waiting there. He smiled at the thought and sat down, “I thought you weren’t a fan of day drinking?”, he quipped. Pat rarely drank at all, but especially not during the day. “I’m not but I know you don’t mind a glass of wine at lunch.”, Pat poured him a glass, “Salmon or duck?” “Salmon.”, Janus answered. Patton made a delicious pan-seared salmon with risotto and kale salad. It was delicious and sounded lovely right now. Patton nodded and ordered that for him and glazed crispy duck for himself. “So.”, he began as he buttered a roll, “What did you want to discuss?” “Who says I have something to discuss? Maybe I just wanted to have lunch with you?”, He was stalling obviously. Trying to get time to steel his nerves.

Janus raised an eyebrow at him, “You and I know very well that Wednesday is our busy day. If you wanted to just have lunch you would have asked on another day. Therefore this is something important that you don’t want to talk about in front of the kids. So what do you want to discuss?” Patton sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. Whatever he wanted to talk about was weighing heavily on his mind. After some time he finally spoke, “I want to finalize our divorce.”, he spoke quickly, like he wanted to get the words out of his mouth as fast as he could.

Janus nodded; he supposed it made sense. They had been separated for over a year now, they slept in separate bedrooms, and they hadn’t had sex since long before they separated. While they still cared for each other, the love they once shared was long gone. The only reason they were still married was the cost of getting a divorce. Considering they’d spent 20 dollars on a courthouse wedding neither had been too happy to shill out thousands of dollars to end their marriage.

The question was why now, and why couldn’t he say it in front of the kids. They’d sat them down months ago and explained that while they loved each other and would always be a family, they weren’t in love anymore. Virgil had taken in the best; being the oldest, he’d seen the signs for a while now. He’d taken it upon himself to comfort his younger brothers. Remy tried to pretend that he was fine, but both Janus and Patton knew better. He’d taken the thought of his family splitting up harder than he was showing. They’d both spoken to him about it, reassuring him that they’d always be a family. And they’d started having family activities every Saturday. Emile had taken it the hardest. The six-year-old didn’t truly understand what was going on. They were still having conversations explaining what it meant. Janus had even begun researching child psychologists at the recommendation of his therapist.

“Ok.”, He spoke, “Why now though? I thought we’d agreed that divorces are too expensive…. You met someone.”, the realization hit Janus like a ton of bricks. Everything made sense. Pat would feel guilty about pursuing someone else while married, even if they were separated. And he wouldn’t want to talk about this in front of the kids until he knew for sure that it was serious.

Patton nodded, “I did.”

“Well, tell me about him. I care about you regardless of our marital status. And I want to know about the person you’ll be bringing around our kids.”

“Ok. His name is Logan and I met him a few weeks ago. He came in here for dinner and he’s just the cutest. He got so excited when he found out we use crofters in our thumbprint cookies and our victoria sponge.” Patton smiled fondly at the thought, “We’ve been on a few dates and… It’s not just a fling. I can see a future with him, Jan.”

Jan took a sip of wine, “Ok. I’ll ask around for good lawyers when I get back.”,

Patton squealed and hugged him, “Thank you so much Jan. Maybe I could invite him over for dinner sometime. That way you could meet him and I could introduce him to the kids.”, Their food came at that moment, which meant Patton had to stop hugging him. Janus was thankful; he’d never been the type for hugging. Except with his kids.

“Ok. But you have to tell them about the divorce first. Deal?” “Deal.”

Virgil was generally considered a good kid by his peers and teachers. Quiet perhaps, but overall a good kid. He didn’t break rules, got good grades, and overall kept to himself. The one anomaly about him was that he was dating Thomas sanders, or rather that Thomas Sanders was dating him. Thomas was a bright and outgoing person; if this was a 2000s sitcom, he might have been considered popular. Not only that, but he had a fairly popular youtube channel where he did skits, challenges, and more. Virgil barely even had social media. They were a couple regardless, and Virgil was known as a good kid.

He didn’t feel like a good kid as he watched the Chipotle employee make his bowl. He’d signed himself out of school early along with Thomas, and now they were getting lunch. The thought of skipping school kept buzzing around his head, even though he’d gotten all of his assignments from the classes he’d be missing. Besides he had bigger problems to worry about.

He sat down beside his boyfriend and took a bite of his food, “What am I going to do?” He asked in a small voice, fear lacing his tone. Thomas reached across the booth and squeezed his hand.

Hey,”, Thomas whispered, his voice soft and reassuring, “It’ll be ok. I’ll be right here no matter what.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”, Thomas squeezed his hand, “Now really eat, you skipped lunch yesterday.”, Virgil nodded and the rest of lunch passed silence. The pair simply enjoying their food together. Virgil grinned and poured queso onto his bowl and smiled at his boyfriend.

“You’re so cute.”, he whispered. Thomas blushed at the compliment and Virgil considered it a win. Sooner enough they were done with their meal. Virgil stood up and gathered their trash, “I’m gonna go the bathroom.” “Ok”, Thomas nodded, “I love you no matter what.”. Virgil smiled and went to the bathroom, anxiety twisting his stomach in knots.

Janus sighed as he drove home. Patton had messaged him earlier that he was making dinner and Jan didn’t have to pick up any takeout. Of course, that made Jan’s life easier, but it also meant that they were going to talk over the divorce with the kids. Great. He peered at Remy in the backseat, sipping his chocolate milk without a care in the world. God sometimes Jan wished he were a child still. Childhood was so much easier, “I think your Dad is making dinner tonight.” Remy looked at him, “I thought we were going to pick up takeout?” “He messaged me saying that I don’t need to pick up any food.”, Remy nodded and smiled before looking back out the window. Janus understood: Patton was an amazing cook. Hopefully, they’d all be able to eat after this. God, how would Remy react? He’d already taken the separation hard. And Emile, he barely understood what divorce was. And Virgil, the oldest, the one who buried his feelings the most. He probably wouldn’t want to talk about it and would bury his feelings to help his brothers.

They pulled into the garage, Remy grabbing his stuff and running inside, “Take off your shoes and change before you get mud all over the house.’, he called after him. Janus took his time collecting his things. ‘Just go in. Better to get it over with.’, his thoughts raced around his head like an angry swarm of bees. He took a deep breath and walked inside.

The smell of garlic and tomatoes washed over his sense, Patton was making Italian food. He took a deep breath, enjoying the smells. Patton stood next to the counter, buttering a long baguette for garlic bread. He looked up and gave a reassuring smile, but Janus could see the nervousness in his eye, at least he wasn’t alone in the feeling, “Hey.” He greeted, “The lasagna is almost done and I’m making garlic bread right now. There’s stuff for caesar salad in the fridge if you want to help out.”

Janus nodded and took off his jacket before washing his hands and making said salad, “Where’s Emile and Virgil?”, he asked, praying that he sounded casual. The salad offered a great distraction from his thoughts, greeting parmesan meant he didn’t have to focus on this upcoming family discussion.

“Virgil is helping Emile with his homework. He’s learning addition.”, Patton supplied as he put the bread on a tray, placing it in the oven. “There are brownies in the fridge. I figured we could make sundaes. Hopefully, it’ll make the conversation easier.”, Janus nodded. Remy and Emile might not realize it but Virgil would know something was up. Pat rarely made dessert on weekdays.

Soon enough dinner was done and all five of them were sitting around the table. Virgil still looked anxious and Janus wanted to bang his head off the table. There was no way he’d be able to ask what was wrong after this conversation. Why did this have to happen tonight?

Patton smiled, “So how was school guys?”, ‘Subtle Pat, subtle. Why don’t you just hang a banner above our heads that says We’re getting divorced’. Janus took a large sip of wine so his thoughts would stay in his head.

“Ok,” Remy spoke up. “But I keep getting headaches during the day. The lights in the class are too bright.”, This had been going on for a while now. The fluorescent lighting of the classroom seemed to give Remy migraines, and his teacher wasn’t budging on letting him wear sunglasses to prevent it.

“I’ll talk to your teacher in the morning.”

“My day was good Daddy.”, Emile grinned, “We learned about ecosystems.”, Janus smiled. Emile was so young and innocent.

“Virgil?”, The teenager in question looked up from where he’d been staring off into space. He took a quick bit of lasagna before speaking.

“It was fine.”

He was lying. Something was wrong and Virgil was trying to act like he was ok. Janus wanted to ask more questions, to figure out what was bothering his son. It wouldn’t work though. Virgil guarded his privacy with his life. Prying would only make him more tight-lipped. Janus just had to wait for Virgil to come to him with what was wrong, and in the meantime, hope that it wasn’t serious.

Besides, even if Janus thought it was a good idea to ask, there were other things at hand. Patton nodded to him and he knew it was time. “Your father and I have some news.”. Patton began. Janus held back a groan.

“Are we going to Disney World?”, Emile was practically bouncing in his seat at the thought of such a trip.

“No.”, Janus made a mental note to talk to Patton about a family vacation. Maybe it would help reassure Remy and Emile that they were all still a family. “It’s not that. You all know that we’re always going to be a family right? No matter what happens we’ll always be together.”, Virgil was ghostly pale and Remy had his fists clenched. He didn’t even have to say it. They knew.

His middle son jumped up, “No.” He was tearing up, “You promised.”

“Remy..”

“No! You said we’d always be together.”, Tears began running down his face. A knot formed in Janus’ throat. Why did they have to do this?

“And we will. No matter what.”, Patton tried to soothe. It was met on deaf ears.

“No, we won’t! That’s what they all say! They say nothing will change but it does. Next thing you know, you’re in different houses and splitting custody and no one will want me. And then I’ll be back in foster care.”

“Remy that won’t happen. We love you.”, Janus wanted to take his son in his arms. Wanted to hold all of his children and promise them that they still loved them all, and the divorce wouldn���t change that. But Remy ran upstairs, the sound of his bedroom door slamming shut echoing through the house.

“What’s going on?”, Emile’s face was contorted, confusion visible. Of course, he wouldn’t fully understand what was going on. The six-year-old had barely understood the separation.

Patton sighed and knelt down next to him, “Your father and I are finalizing our divorce. We won’t be married anymore.” Emile blinked.

“Why? I thought you weren’t getting one?” Patton sighed, “Things have changed.”, Emile blinked at him. This was going wrong. It was too soon. They should have eased them into this idea. Shouldn’t have sprung it on them like this.

Understanding bloomed in Emile’s face. His next words were a whisper, so quiet that Janus almost didn’t hear them. But he did, and it felt like getting hit by a truck. “Are you divorcing cause Virgil’s pregnant?” “EMILE!”, Virgil shrieked. Janus felt like he was watching this from above like it was a tv show playing out in front of him, and not his life. He looked next to him. Patton appeared to be in a similar situation.

“It’s the truth.”

Finally, Janus found himself able to speak. There were a million questions inside of him longing to get out, but all he could say was, “What?”

Luckily Patton was able to voice one of his questions, “Virgil, is this true?”. Virgil refused to make eye contact with either of them and Janus knew it was. His eldest child looked almost ashamed, shoulders tense and body hunched over.

“Virgil…”, He started, but he was upstairs before Janus could continue. Janus shut his eyes. Amazing. One of his kids was pregnant at 17 and another thought he was going to be sent back to foster care. His head met the table with a groan. Patton rubbed his shoulder.

Emile still stood in front of them, “Am I in trouble?”, he asked, voice shaking. Janus leaned forward and picked him up. He bounced Emile on his hip, stroking his back.

“No baby.”, He ruffled his hair and booped his nose. “You aren’t in trouble ok. Everything is just kinda stressful right now. But none of that is your fault, ok?” Emile nodded and buried his face into Jan’s chest. Patton joined the hug, stroking Emile’s back and humming softly. They sat there in this position for about 10 minutes before Janus pulled away, gave Emile a kiss on the forehead, “We love all of you so much and the divorce won’t change that ok?”

He nodded and Janus stood up, “I’m going to go talk to Remy, he might be easier to get to open up than Virgil right now.”, He handed Emile to Pat, who bounced him on his hip.

“Ok. I’ll make a pot of hot cocoa to take up. Hopefully, it’ll get him to open up.”, Janus nodded in thanks and made his way upstairs.

Remy’s room was as dark as ever, the twelve-year-old liked to leave the lights in his room dimmed. Janus peaked his head in, seeing him laying on his bed, face buried into his pillows. “Remy?”, He called out. The child in question didn’t respond but Janus knew he was awake, “Can I come in?”

There was silence for a moment and Janus thought about what he would do if Remy said no. He wanted to respect his privacy, but at the time this was a conversation that needed to happen. Remy thought he was going to be sent back to foster care and Janus couldn’t let him just think that. Luckily Remy soon answered, “Yes…”

He walked in slowly, eyes trained on his son. His son who was terrified that he was going to be sent away. He swallowed, “Remy you aren’t going to be sent back to foster care. I promise that.”

Remy sniffled and his heart broke for his middle child, “That’s what they said last time. They said they loved me and I’d never be sent away again. And then they said they were getting a divorce and it wasn’t a good time for them to adopt a kid.”

Janus sighed and began stroking his hair, “And I’m promising that no matter what we’re not sending you back there. We love you. You’re our son, our wonderful son who we love so much. The divorce is between your father and me. And I won’t lie and say that it won’t affect you or that nothing will change, because things will change. A lot of things will change. But the love that your father and I have for the three of you? That will never change. It’ll never fade or go away. And we’re never sending you back.” He smiled slightly and joked, “Besides we threw away the receipt. No returns.”

Remy giggled and Janus knew he’d been successful in cheering him up. Remy sat up and hugged him tightly, tears still flowing freely, “I love you both. This is my home, my family. I don’t want to lose you.” “I know baby, I know. What does Stitch say?”, He hoped that a reference to Remy’s favorite movie would lighten the mood even more.

Remy sighed, “Ohana means family.” “And?”

“Family is never left behind or forgotten.”

Janus nodded and kissed his head, “And you’re our ohana. And we hope to yours. We’re here for as long as you want us.”, Remy smiled and Janus knew that even if it took some time, everything would be ok with him. He sat up. “Patton should be up here in a few minutes with cocoa and I’m sure he’ll want to talk to you. So I’ll sit here with you until he gets up here and then I’ll give you your privacy. Ok? Besides I need to talk to your older brother.”

Remy nodded, “Is Virgil ok?”

Janus sighed, “I don’t know. But I intend to find out.”. As if on cue, there was a knock on the door and Patton peaked his head in. He held a tray with four mugs of cocoa topped with whipped cream. Next to them sat a plate with brownies.

“Can I come in? I brought cocoa.” He smiled encouragingly. Remy nodded and sat up off of Janus’s chest. Patton came in, taking two of the mugs and some of the brownies. “The rest are for you and Virgil.”

“Where’s Emile?”

“In his room with a covered mug and a brownie watching Aladdin. He’ll be ok.”, Janus nodded and took the tray before leaving.

Janus stood outside of Virgil’s room, trying to figure out what to say. What did you say when your teenage son was pregnant? Most parents were worried about their sons getting someone pregnant, not their sons being pregnant. Then again, not everyone had a trans son. He sighed and knocked, “Virgil? Can I come in?”

Unlike Remy, who took his time answering, Virgil’s reply was almost immediate, “I don’t want to talk, Dad.”, Janus sighed. Goddammit. This is exactly what he was fearing. He couldn’t just leave his son alone right now. His pregnant son at that. Virgil was pregnant. He groaned.

“Baby bat, please. We need to talk about this.”

“I don’t want to talk.” “I have Pat’s hot chocolate and brownies.”

There was a pause. Then he spoke, “The door’s open.”, Janus opened the door slowly. Virgil sat in the middle of the bed, knees tucked against his chest. Tears ran down his face in inky black trails. Janus’ heart ached for him. He looked at Janus and sniffled, “Go on. Yell at me about what a horrible mistake I made.” His heart lept into his throat. Janus remembered having a similar conversation with his sister 18 years ago. How she was pregnant and her boyfriend ran off on her. Janus hadn’t known then how his life was going to change forever. And now his son was pregnant.

“I’m not here to yell at you V.”, He sat next to him, handing Virgil the mug of cocoa. He took a sip of his own, “How long have you known?” Virgil shrugged, “I only found out today. But I suspected it when Dad mentioned that one of the waitresses at the restaurant was pregnant. I’m about a month along.” Janus nodded, “Does Thomas know?”, he was met with a nod. “And what does he think?”, more memories of his sister rushed to the surface. His sister saying that her boyfriend had ran out of town when she found out that was pregnant. That he took the rent money and she’d been evicted. He was brought out of his memories by Virgil’s next words.

“He says he loves me still. And he supports me no matter what I choose.”, Well that was good. Janus didn’t know what he would have done if Thomas had abandoned Virgil. It would have been unpleasant that’s for sure. Now for the hardest question.

“You have options; you don’t have to keep the baby if you don’t want to. Do you have an idea of what you want to do?”, Virgil looked up at him and Janus once again was overcome with memories of his sister. Adelaide saying that she didn’t know what she was going to do but she was keeping her baby. He and Pat letting her move in. Recording home movies for the baby. Rushing her to the hospital while she screamed in pain in his backseat. The doctor saying that she lost too much blood. Holding Virgil in his arms.

“I want to keep the baby.”, there it was. The thing that Janus had known deep down that Virgil would say from the moment he found out about the pregnancy, “I know I have options and I know I’m young and this probably seems stupid but I want this baby. I just... You took a chance on me when mom died. You and Dad weren’t looking for a kid when I was born but you took me in anyway. You took a chance on me. And I’m taking a chance on this baby.”

Janus sighed, “You’re just like your mother you know that. Just as stubborn and just as loving. And you know what? She was just as determined to have you, even if it wasn’t the best time. And I’m going to tell you the same thing I told her.”, He hugged Virgil close, “I love you so much. And if you want this baby then your dad and I will support you no matter what ok? We’ll help you out. I promise.”

Virgil smiled at him, “Really?”

Janus nodded, “Really really. Now I think you should invite Thomas over tomorrow. I want to talk to him.”. Seeing the look on Virgil’s face he added, “I’ll go easy on him. I just want to know he’ll be a good dad for my grandchild. And you two need to tell his parents.”

Virgil nodded and there was a knock at the door, “Come in.”

It was Patton, “Hey. Emile and Remy are both asleep. How is everything?”

“Well Pat, we’re going to be grandfathers.”

Patton smiled and sat down next to them both, “I see. And everything is ok?” Virgil nodded, “Yeah. Everything will work itself out.”, And at that moment Janus knew it to be true.

A/N: Unlike some of my other works, this one is going to be a series of one-shots. I think I'll be able to handle that better than chapter fic. It'll also feel more like episodes of a sitcom. I really like the feel to this and I'm open to prompts.

[k-s-morgan]

Hello I have recently discovered your blog very deep analysis of scenes and characters ! Can you tell me about the empathy Will has. Is it the visions he has when he goes to murder cases

Hi! Thank you - and sure! I’ll mix some of my previous answers here. Basically, I have two views on it, and none of them is about Will being a good empath.

Version 1: Will has deep understanding of killers only because he is one

To me, Will’s empathy is one of the most contradictory things in the show because what ended up on screen differs from what I’m sure Bryan had in mind. Will doesn’t have a good empathy in ‘Hannibal’ - in fact, I’d argue that he has a rather limited capacity for it, considering how he can’t relate to most people and fails to read their emotions even on a basic level from time to time.

In the books, Will does have an empathy disorder: he mirrors people, often without noticing it, and it makes him a better profiler. In the show, what Will has is an almost supernatural ability to connect with exclusively killers on some dark mind level. In E1 of S1, Jack says that Will makes leaps no one can explain, and Will tries to argue that the evidence explains it. But it really, really doesn’t. He doesn’t just make good guesses, he determines what the killer is thinking with 100% accuracy, sometimes to the point of voicing their literal thoughts aloud. He doesn’t mirror them like he does in the books: he retreats into his imagination and sees himself in their place physically, hearing their thoughts and repeating their actions. That’s not empathy, exactly - he’s more of a medium in these scenes.

Will doesn’t mirror people in general in the show. He does acquire some new traits - like he begins to do some sophisticated Hannibal-gestures eventually, but it isn’t presented as anything more but typical human behavior. Many of us develop new habits after being in close contact with another person. Will has a dominating range of his own unique habits - again, like most of us do. He can apply the killers’ perspective with starling clarity, but he’s in perfect control over it. He doesn’t get lost in there like it happens in the books. The only exceptions are when he’s very sick in S1 (with Tobias’ and Gideon’s two kills) and when he’s gone too long subduing his real self in S3 (when he gets angry with Alana and Jack and his vision blurs with Francis’). Other than that, Will decides when to switch his ability on and off. That doesn’t fit with empathy disorder.

Will feels sorry for some people (mostly murderers and those he can relate to in other respects, like Reba), but he remains calm and logical in other instances. For example, let’s take E1 of S1 again. Elise’s parents are emotional wrecks, but Will remains collected and asks a very logical question about the cat that Jack overlooked. In E5, he notices that Jack is shaken and talks to Mrs. Buddish, who is consumed by guilt and sorrow, himself. These are scenes where people are emotional and Will isn’t affected by it - well, he does react in certain ways, but he doesn’t mirror them. Same principle applies over and over again throughout the entire show. Will remains ‘himself’ at all times.

If the plan was to demonstrate he’s in control of his empathy for the most part, then it doesn’t work as well because Will is never shown doing his trick with other people. For example, at the times when the darkness grows overwhelming and Will understands he begins to slip, why not 'hide’ in the heads of normal people like Alana? It could give Will the strength to fight his dark impulses, to let some light and normality into his mind. Since he doesn’t do it, he likely just cannot relate to them properly. His gift works only on killers.

More than that, Will is bad at deciphering simple emotional language. In E7 of S2, he’s released from prison and Alana greets him. Will doesn’t register her coldness and the obvious hard undertones of her questions, he remains oblivious and thinks she’s come with good intentions. He misunderstands the reason for Peter’s feelings in E8 because he’s too focused on his own emotions - he thinks about killing Hannibal, so he assumes Peter also killed Ingram. He falls for Margot’s obvious lies, even though it’s very clear from her body language that she’s not in a mood to have sex, especially with a man. He spends ages figuring out whether Hannibal is capable of love. He misunderstands Abigail for a long time and ends up alienating her because he thinks she’s scared of darkness while in fact she’s scared because of her enjoyment of some of it. And there are endless examples like this.

Now, Hannibal says Will has “pure empathy” in E1, but he doesn’t know him at this point and can only make guesses. Also, anything he says to Jack is automatically subject to suspicion since he’s unlikely to be 100% truthful, especially when it comes to Will’s assessment. We also can’t rely on Will to tell the truth, considering how terrified he is of anyone finding out the reason for his seclusion.

I don’t think it was actually planned like this, but in the show as it ended up, there is no evidence of Will having some huge and unique universal empathy. He connects only with killers and even then, it’s more of a supernatural mind link rather than empathy. He understands them because, like Freddie says, he is a killer himself. He doesn’t show the same deep understanding for non-dark people, he makes huge mistakes in emotional judgement, and he doesn’t engage in mirroring more than most of us do. So yes, like you, I don’t think Will is a good empath.

Version 2: Will has a gift that’s centered on the presence of a murder victim’s body

We can see that Will reconstructs crimes and understands killers as they commit them, but he doesn’t get them in all other situations not related to murder. From major examples: Will often doesn't understand what Hannibal feels for him. He has no idea how to connect to Abigail correctly. He misunderstands Chiyoh. He can’t say much about Francis other than figure out his mindset during murders. If he really had killer-oriented empathy, he wouldn't have so many problems. So, maybe Will’s gift is not really about killers either? Maybe it’s about death?

Every time Will reconstructs the crimes, his visions revolve around the victim’s body. When he analyzes the scenes without the bodies, he  just imagines them there, like with the Dragon: they were already removed, but he envisioned them after reading the report. The only interesting exceptions happen when Will gets into the Ripper's head in S2 to see what he did with Miriam, but there is still a body of a politician involved. The second instance is when Will analyzes Sarah’s body in E8 of S2: he gets into Peter's mind almost by accident, and while this mind is twisted, it doesn't belong to a killer. Peter is the only non-killer we see Will ever connect with, but he's still a person heavily involved with a body - he tried to give it a new life. When Will looked at the scene, he was supposed to get into Ingram’s head, but instead, he got into Peter’s. So it seems like a body is an important component of Will's gift, a catalyzer he needs to turn it on.

And finally, there are two instances in which Will loses control over himself in terms of this ability. Both happen in S1, when he’s physically ill. The first time, he speaks like Tobias - and he’s staring at the body directly when it happens. The second time, he speaks like Gideon - and once again, he’s staring at the corpse of his doctor. I feel like it’s a big indication of Will having not an empathy, but an actual half-supernatural gift that is activated once he sees/senses the body.

[impala1967dwinchester]

Dean Winchester: Fly

*credit to gif owner* 

Pairing: Dean W. x Reader 

Pov: Reader 

Warnings: Flying, Dean, flirting, daydreaming on the readers part. 

Summary: How much can really happen during one flight? 

WC: 1.4k 

Masterlist

Tags: @akshi8278​ @deanswaywardgirl​

I have flown many times, but nothing beats the day that I met Dean. He was and still is a flight attendant for Delta airlines.  

With the way Dean looked you'd think he'd be the only flying the plane. His broad shoulders, bowed legs and strong arms.  

I could tell, hell anyone could tell just how much that damn Delta uniform didn't fit him. And when I saw didn't fit him, I mean, if dean in a slightly wrong way you'd get popped with button.  

Seams flying loose and his entire outfit falling off of his pleasant body shape. The first time I had seen was when the attendants and pilots were boarding the plane.  

I could just barely from where I was sitting see his jaw line. It was one to die for, I can say that.  

He never looked in my direction thank the lord for that, because well if he had. I would have been caught staring.  

Theres a saying 'I hate to watch them walk away, but I love to watch them leave' Well fuck in a whole phrase it described Dean. The way his bowed legs made his ass stand out.  

Regardless of that fact, coming up behind him in the early morning as I watch him make coffee for the both of us. Smacking his suit covered ass with a huge pop that it scares him just a little bit.  

I sat there in my stupid little sear waiting for my flight to board as I daydreamed about coming up behind him, a man that I didn't know his name.  

I looked around myself, and then again back up to him. “Nope, no trash you need to take from me, Thank you for my water.” I said still in a hushed voice. He just smiled and yet again that precious attention was off of me again.  

I was regrettable pulled away from my lustful fantasies when I hear the older lady at the front desk of my gate start to speak.  

"We are starting boarding." I tried my hardest to settle myself down again. 'Settle down, y/n.' I said to myself. I had never in my entire life lost myself in a blissful daydream like that before.  

I arose from my seat and scurred to the line. As I came into the plane after wandering the very tight and maze-like tunnel to make it to the plane.  

I noticed that there was no, handsomely dashing beautiful jawed bone man looking at me. I held my disappointment in and made my way to my seat.  

Unfortunately... that sounds like a bad word to describe it. Greatly for me as I set my thing in the overhead compartment. It just wouldn't corporate. In less than a few minutes I could feel a rather comforting, warm, and secure feeling on my right side.  

"Do you need help ma'am?" The presence said to me. I just barely looked over my right shoulder. I took an audibly deep and loud sigh in, before letting myself speak a word to him.

There he was, the bowed legged, jaw line god, strong and muscular arms, broad shoulder. When I didn't respond he simply asked again. "Ma'am are you alright? Do you need help?"  

A squeak was all I said. I must have looked pathetic, god. A fucking squeak that's all you got y/n, come on. "Ma'am, I can help." He spoke.  

I moved slightly out of his way. Well, if I'm being honest, I just ended up sitting down. As I sat down ai watched him. I stared at him.  

The slight tug of his arms as he shifted my bag in the overhead compartment. The Delta navy shirt just ever so rising.  

The way his bowed legs were far apart from each other, he didn’t need to be standing on his tip toes. He was already taller than I was.  

I'd say maybe six feet tall. A flex and he shut the compartment, his jaw flexing as he did so.  

Was he trying to tease me?  

Because if so, he was fucking hitting the nail in the head. Every movement and everything he did was hot.  

It does seem like I'm objectifying him. I'd like to think that I'm just stating facts. Sitting down our captain came on to the overhead speaker of course he was talking about the normal things he has to tell passenger.  

Dean stood at the front of the plane between first class and the other section of passengers. Showing us our belts, and breathing mask.  

And then it was over. Our pilot came back onto the intercom, "Hi, I'm your pilot Taylor, copiloting with me today is Sean. And our two wonderful flight attendants are Reba, and Dean. If you need anything give a shout and Dean or Reba will help you. We will be starting our ascent now. Enjoy the flight."  

I stuffed my things below the seat in front of me and leaned my head back. Taking a deep breath, and getting ready for the plane to take off.  

What seemed like only a few moments we were off the ground and I was tapped on the shoulder, opening my eyes wide to yet again see Dean.  

"Ma'am would you like a drink for your trip?" He asked with a cart in front of him. I looked at the cart and then back to him. Repeating this process only a few times before answering him.  

"Umm. A water is fine. Thank you." I said shyly. "A water coming up." And then he winked at me. Handing me my water bottle and bringing his attention to another passenger.  

In just that little ole interaction I had felt so much peace and quiet. It was amazing to be the center of his attention for only a few seconds.  

Taking sips of my water before screwing the top back on. I let my head fall against the headrest of the seat. I again took a deep breathe trying to regain any bit of sanity I had left.  

After that interaction there wasn't another one until the end of the flight when he came back over asking me; " ma'am do you have any trash?"  

I don't think he realize he had awakened me from my sleep until I let out a small shriek. “Ma’am are you alright?” “Oh yes I’m fine.” I spoke in a hushed voice trying not to bother others on the flight. “Ma’am I was just wondering if you had any trash, you needed me to take from you?” He spoke

I only smiled. The intercom came back on and reminded me that I wasn’t the only the person on the flight. “We are starting out descent. I hope you enjoyed your leisure on this flight.” And then the intercom clicked off. Breathing deeply, I was excited to reach my destination.  

The flight reached the ground and I grabbed my things from under the seat in front of me. I let others go in front of me, knowing that my bag in overhead was going to give me an issue. Just like before there was warm presence was next to me in a few minutes of me standing up to go reach my bag. “Do you want help, Ma’am?” That silky damned voice hushed into my ear.  

A shiver ran down my spine. I bit down on my lip before turning to look over at Dean. “I could use the help.” I said giving him a timid smile. He reached up and grabbed my bag, and again that thought of his seams popping out and having that damn Delta suit fall right off of his body gave yet another shiver down my spine.  

“Here you go, Ma’am.” He said handing me my bag with a wink. I walked out of the plane, and into another maze-like tunnel to make to the exit of my gate. I walked out of the gate, and to the doors of the airport. I breathed in and a short smile crossed my face.  

When I made it to my hotel after a long cab ride, I was given my key card and scanned it into my room. I set my bag down on my temporary bed. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a white slip of paper. Picking it up with a curious look on my face.  

Completed on: 03/27/2021 

It read: “Hi, my name is Dean. You already know that, but here’s my number, chat with me when you get settled in to your hotel, well wherever you’re going. I thought you were pretty shy, but all shy girls have dirty minds.” With a winky face drawn off to the side of the slip.  

A huge grin covered my blushing face. I guess I had to message him and I have a huge tell.

[prurientpuddlejumper]

A Lipless Face That I Want to Marry, Ch. 8

<- Chapter 7 | Chapter 9 ->

Summary: Frederick alone. 

2,163 words

How many days had he been in the hospital? There had been at least one more surgery since you left. More blood transfusions.

It all bled together without you there. There was nothing to distinguish one day from the next except the tedious procedures—a blood test to see how his kidney was holding up, some new skin here, a z-plasty there. He was a little bit glad you were not there when they grafted his penis with a stretchable mesh of skin. God forbid he got aroused while that was healing. He laughed at the thought, as if your absence was just temporary.

The sun outside his window told him whether it was day or night, but the stretches of hours he was knocked out under anesthetic and pain meds made it impossible to know whether it was was from the same day, or if he had slept until the next one. Without your schedule to ground him, it was pointless bothering to find out.

At least you were not always touching him, asking him about his feelings. Staring. He could feel the pressure of your gaze on his face, dancing like jabbing needles across his barely-healed skin. He hated it. He had some peace and quiet now.

It did not feel real yet. It seemed so certain you would be back—you had become such a steadfast presence in his life for the past three years, he never imagined you could leave it. Not forever. It did not seem beyond taking back.

But as much as he was in denial, he knew what he said could not be taken back. One cannot break off an engagement, tell their fiancé to move out, and expect things to ever go back to normal.

He didn’t need you. You always hated his preening, the sophisticated circles he traveled in. You wanted him this way—destroyed and disgusting, unable to pass in decent society. He was not sure if he really believed that, or if he just needed a reason to hate you.

A nurse could bring him the phone. All he had to do was press the nurse call button and Pamela would come running, and he could call you. He could apologize. If he reached you before you got rid of the ring, before you packed your bags, he might be able to convince you to stay.

He did not call.

***

The sun was down, whatever day it was. There was still fluorescent light shining in from the hallway, enough to dimly light the room. Frederick lay awake. Parts of his back ached from lying in the same position too long, and it had been too long since a nurse came and shifted him. He shifted himself, what little he could, and the heart monitor climbed frantically with the feeble effort of a few inches. His tight scar tissue pulled like he was wearing too-tight denim over his whole body, and his more recent stitches stung. He was so weak. So pathetically weak.

The sun was up again, some time later. Frederick eyed the small stack of mail for him at his bedside table. You were always the one who read to him. But he did not need you.

He pressed the nurse call button, which had been rigged with tape and a wooden tongue depressor into a large switch he could push more easily with his limited dexterity. He pushed down on it and it buzzed so loudly he swore, a throb of pain shooting through the back of his skull. Part of the jury-rigged switch caught on the gauze mitten wrapped around his hand and left the switch stuck on in a continual buzz. He swore again, more fiercely, and jerked his hand until the makeshift switch snapped, and the call button fell off the edge of the bed. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!”

Where the hell was the nurse? If this had been an emergency he could be dead by now.

In his last physical therapy session, he had been able to reach nearly as far as the bedside table, with assistance. He reached for an envelope, and his mittened hand made it all the way to the edge of the bed before bumping against the metal railing that prevented him from rolling out. That was it. All at once, every latent frustration came out at that goddamned railing in a primal scream. He punched the metal—barely a twitch with his atrophied muscles, but enough to sting his tender fingers and draw another enraged shout. His breathing came in heavy, choked bursts, and he began to sob.

When finally a nurse showed up—his favorite, Pamela—she didn’t make any humiliating sympathetic comments about the tears wetting his face. He asked if you had called or tried to visit.

You had not.

***

The dead at least have the luxury of being done with what they lost.

The sky was dark, nearly black with clouds, though Frederick suspected it was day. Heavy rain pummeled against the window, and it gave the room a cold, dreary cast. He wondered if there was a way he could kill himself. To be done. It would have been easy in a hospital, if he had use of his legs and hands—he could tamper with his morphine drip, or find some anesthetic… the options were limitless to one who knew what he was doing with medical equipment.

The one person who never manipulated him into danger, the one person who stood beside him, the one person who loved him completely for everything he was, he had thrown away. Was it worth it staying alive for revenge alone? He was never going to get better. Not completely. He would be trapped in this scarred, aching body for the rest of his life. If he died, his will left all of his money to you. Then you would be free.

But he was Doctor Frederick Chilton, damn it! He did not give up. He did not give up after Abel Gideon tortured him, or after being framed for murder and shot. Every time he fell, he held his chin up, and rose higher. This whole incident brought him notoriety, a spotlight he would take advantage of to bring him greater fame than even Hannibal Lecter himself. Forget national bestsellers, this time he was thinking movie deal. In a few years, he would be walking again, he would have a new face, lips. He would have everything back.

Except you.

He could never get back the one thing that already felt like a hole in his life, and would feel like a gaping sinkhole when he finally returned home and you were not there. His comfort. If you were coming back, you would have done it by now.

Every time he angrily demanded you leave, you would always slink off with your tail tucked, but crawl back all sweetness and forgiveness the next day. This time was different. He said so many unforgivable things. But he had to go that far, he told himself—he had to break things off.

He was so bitter, and angry. He was never the easiest man to live with, and now all of his compassion had been burned out of him. You didn’t deserve to keep running back to a cruel, bitter man out of loyalty, to be smothered inside a dark hospital when you were meant to be in the sun. He knew exactly what Chiltons could be like, and he never wanted to put you through that. If that was the nightmare he was turning into, then it was better for you to be far away, not married to it.

But, oh, to touch you one last time…

***

Another day. He thought about calling you again, if just to hear the sound of your voice. But what would be the point? You could have called him. Clearly you wanted him out of your life.

A nurse knocked tentatively on the door. Not one of his usual nurses.

“You have a visitor, Mr. Chilton. They said… they’re not sure if you want to see them?”

He perked up immediately, so eager to respond, “Of course I do!” that he didn’t bother to correct the nurse about his title. His face fell when a young black woman walked in, carefully tapping a long white stick across the ground. “Oh. You.”

She stopped in her tracks, a timid expression of guilt written on her face. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be here...” she stammered, turning around.

“No, no, no. Come in, come in, Reba McClane,” he pronounced her name pointedly. “I wanted to speak to you anyway.”

“You did?” She began searching her way closer to his bed.

“Naturally. For my book. An interview with the Tooth Fairy’s lover.”

Her tentative smile quickly turned into a scowl. “Freddie Lounds already offered to tell my story.”

Frederick scoffed. “Tell me you are not considering that libelous TattleCrime gossip rag. I am a distinguished, respected author—what I could do with your story is far—”

“I told her the same thing I’m telling you: I do not want my name associated with that man. My entire life is already tainted. I won’t talk about him anymore. I only came to apologize… it seemed the least I could do. You’re the only one of victims left alive to apologize to.”

“You forget to count yourself,” Frederick corrected with uncharacteristic empathy. “We are both his survivors.”

Reba’s shoulders relaxed a little at that. “I wasn’t sure you’d see it that way. A lot of people, they think I knew. Or that I must be a monster to have loved a monster like that. I can’t blame them… I don’t know what to think of myself anymore.”

“There is no accounting for taste.”

Reba and Frederick settled into a surprisingly comfortable chat. She unburdened her guilt—she thought she had sensed someone else in the room that night, and knew something was off, but didn’t call the police—and Frederick magnanimously forgave her. Dolarhyde would have killed her and slit Frederick’s throat on the spot if she tried to be a hero. He chose not to call out for help, knowing that. They talked about love, and the deep vein of anger they both shared. Perhaps it set Frederick at ease that she was blind. If she stared, it was not with any regard to his face. 

Then she went to the window, to stand in the warm light streaming through the glass, and knocked over a vase of plastic flowers. He snapped at her, his voice raising with violence so out of proportion to the offense, she wasn’t sure whether to apologize or yell back. After scrambling to find to the vase on the floor, she settled on dryly calling him an asshole.

Nobody had called him out so bluntly since before he was hospitalized, and it made him smile, as best as his cheeks could manage. “You remind me of someone,” he said.

Reba pondered why his voice was so fond at the memory of someone who called him an asshole. She wondered what the flowers meant. “Was this the somebody you were hoping it was when I walked in? Who—”

“Nobody important.”

“Really? That’s not what I’m hearing.”

He sighed grumpily. Then just sighed. “You told Dolarhyde you were not so damaged that you were incapable of love. Do you still feel that way?”

“If you’re looking for relationship advice, I do not believe myself qualified to give any,” she said, reading him like braille. “But I’m not going to give up on the goodness in people. Everybody has a darkness deep down, but not everyone’s darkness is murdering families. I survived Dee, and if I can do that… I can find someone whose darkness is a little softer. Soft enough to live with. I have to believe I can still love—that he didn’t break me. I hope he didn’t break you, either.”

***

Another day. He ruined everything with you.

The first question Frederick asked when EMTs found his still-smoldering body—rasping it over and over until someone understood—was if you were safe. Had Dolarhyde gone after his family? But of all the things that the Red Dragon had taken from him, you were the one he had destroyed all on his own.

Finally, after two weeks of resisting, he could not bear it anymore. When his physical therapy session ended, he quietly, firmly, with fragile pride, asked the nurse to help him with the phone. He dialed your number, and she held the receiver to his ear as it rang.

It rang.

It rang.

It went to voicemail.

Frederick leaned into the receiver as your friendly, guileless voice instructed him to leave a message. It must have been recorded before everything, back when you were so happy all the time. It had been ages since he heard you sound like that. He wondered if you would be happy and carefree again soon, without him.

• ● • ━━━━━─ ••●•• ─━━━━━ • ● •

Tags: @beccabarba  @caked-crusader @itsjustmyfantasyroom @thatesqcrush @dianilaws @permanentlydizzy @eclecticreader2020  @mrsrafaelbarba 

[itsadamcole]

all i want (for christmas)

fem!reader x roderick strong

it’s been four months since reader and roderick strong broke up. It’s been four months since they last talked, until they’re both invited to the same Christmas Eve party ... “all i want for christmas is for you and me to fix this”

word count: 3k+

warnings: angst, a little fluff, sad!reader, cheating accusations, mentions of cheating

— this is kinda based on liam payne’s “all i want (for christmas”. i love this christmas song so much —

masterlist || part 2 || request an imagine here

***

"Yeah, of course," you say, forcing a smile as you talk to Adam Cole. "I'll be there. I'm not going to let what happened get in the way of holiday celebrations."

Adam smiles, happy. "Yay," he says. "I'm sure the guys wouldn't mind see you there. It's been a very long time. Britt's even been saying how she misses hanging out with you and seeing you."

You give a little laugh and say, "Maybe I'll just steal her away from you for the night."

His smile fades and he jokes, "Don't you dare. I'd like to see my girlfriend at some point during the party."

"I'll think about it," you say. "See you in a few hours then."

Adam nods and walks off. The smile you've been managing to force drops immediately after he turns his back to you.

You would rather do anything else then attend a Christmas party that you know your ex-boyfriend will be attending. It's the Undisputed Era's annual Christmas party. They wear their green Undisputed Era sweaters and rent out a rental hall for the night from about seven until midnight the day before Christmas.

It's about three in the afternoon and there are four hours until the Christmas Eve party. You leave the Performance Center gym at four after you're done working out your anxiety about the party.

You head back to the house that you bought with said ex-boyfriend. You never found a place to move to after the breakup so you've been living here for the last four months.

After showering and blowdrying your Y/H/C colored hair, you curl your long locks and do your makeup. You do a dark red eye shadow with matching lipstick.

Once your hair and makeup are done, you walk to your closet. You look for anything that you could wear to a Christmas party. You find a dark red sequin dress.

The dress is short. ending about halfway down your thighs, with three-quarter sleeves. The sleeves cut off about halfway down your forearm, not quite reaching your wrists. The neck cuts right across your collarbone area, not showing a hint of cleavage. Usually, you'd wear something that shows off your chest but you decide against it tonight.

To complete the look, you put on a pair of dangly red diamond earrings and a silver bracelet. You wear a pair of dark red heels to match the sparkly dress.

As you finish getting ready, your phone begins to ring. You walk over to see that Kyle O'Reilly is calling. You sigh and answer the phone, saying, "Yes, Kyle. Relax. I'm about to leave to go to the party."

"Adam made me call," he says. "I told him to relax and that if you said that you would be there then you would. You're not one to back out on promises."

You close your eyes and sigh. Adam didn't make him call. You one-hundred percent knew that it was Roderick who made him call. You also knew that it was Roddy who made Adam ask you if you would come to the party.

"Tell Roderick that I'll be there," you say. "And don't tell me that it was actually Adam that made you call. I know it was Roddy."

Kyle stammers, "It definitely wasn't, uh, Roddy. He's, um, busy?"

You roll your eyes and say, "Sure. See you in a few, Kyle."

You hang up the phone and make sure you have everything you'll need. You take your car keys and leave the house.

The drive to the rental hall isn't that long. Well, it's close to forty five minutes that's not long enough to calm the anxiety you're feeling and the butterflies in your stomach.

It's been four months since you and Roddy broke up. You see each other at work all the time but something about an unprofessional atmosphere that is sending you into an anxiety attack as you drive.

Your hands are sweaty and your breathing is a little labored as your mind races. You have no idea what could happen tonight. You're terrified.

After you pull into a parking spot, you sit in the car watching several other wrestlers walk into the large building. It's close to seven before you get it together.

You form an objective as you click into the building. Find Britt Baker and don't leave her side.

Britt is your friend outside of WWE. You met her through Adam. You have several other friends that wrestle in AEW because of Britt introducing you since she wrestles for the brand. You hope that they're here too.

Christmas music blares from almost every direction of the room. You spot several pieces of mistletoe hanging on the ceiling as you look around at the decorations.

The boys definitely go all out but it's mostly Britt that makes them go all out. If it were up to the boys then there's be one tree and a few lights. But the room is full of decorations. A few trees are stationed throughout the room with bright bright lights. Gold garland is draped throughout the ceiling, almost hiding the green mistletoe.

The tables have red and green covers on them and each table has a little winter or Christmas themed figure in the middle.

"Ahh, Y/N!" you hear someone shout. You look to the left and see Britt Baker walking toward you with her arms out. She hugs you. "It's been too long, Y/N."

You smile and hug her back before you say, "It definitely has."

Britt pulls back and asks, "You holding up okay? I know how hard it must be to be here."

You nod and say, "I'm okay, I think. I'm just going to hope that I get through the night with no tears."

She smiles and says, "Well, you can stay by me. I was just hanging out over there with Reba and Brandi until I saw your cute ass walk through the door. That dress looks fabulous on you."

"Thank you," you say. "That dress looks good on you too."

Britt's wearing a strapless form-fitting red dress with a black belt around her waist. The top of the dress and the hem of the skirt is trimmed with white fluff. She's definitely dress as a more modern version of Mrs. Claus.

Your best friend smiles and says, "Thank you. Okay, lets go back to Reba and Brandi. We'll make sure you have fun tonight. No tears shall be shed while you're with us."

You laugh and walk over with Britt to Reba and Brandi Rhodes. Both Reba and Brandi both compliment your outfit. "It was a very last minute decision," you'd say when they compliment you, making both of them laugh.

As you're drinking and laughing with the girls, Adam walks over. He hugs his girlfriend from behind and kisses her cheek. "I hope that Y/N will let you come see me eventually," Adam says. "I'd like to spend some time with you."

Britt laughs and says, "Now now, Adam. She's having fun and that's our goal for tonight."

Adam nods and says, "It is." He looks at you as you take a sip of your egg nog. "He wants to see you at some point tonight, Y/N. He's sulking and staying away from you though. Please just go say hi to him and say thank you to him for inviting you."

You give a shaky sigh and glance around the room for your ex-boyfriend. You find him in a corner of the room as he talks to Kyle, Bobby, and one of the new girls that have started training at the Performance Center.

He's laughing at something the girl said and your heart wretches in your chest. "I think he's fine," you state. "And I think I'm gonna call it a night."

All the fun you were having for the past hour or so has washed away and now all you want to do is curl up on the couch with hot chocolate and watch Christmas movies on Netflix until you fall asleep. You don't want to be here anymore. No, you can't be here anymore.

As you start to get up, Adam says, "Y/N, I didn't mean to upset you."

You look at the leader of the Undisputed Era and say, "No, it's okay. I just promised myself no crying and if I stay then that's what's going to happen if I stay so I have to go."

Britt looks at you and says, "I'll come outside with you. Maybe I can convince you to stay."

The walls begin to close in on you and you shake your head. "No, that's okay," you say. "Enjoy the party."

You take once last glance at Roddy to see that he's looking at you before you start to walk toward door.

Your throat has closed up on you as you hold back tears. You walk to your car as you remember the laughter coming from Roddy as the girl said something.

"Y/N!" someone calls behind you as you reach the door.

The voice makes you almost lose it right then and there. You turn to see Roderick Strong walking behind you with a concerned look on his face. You shake your head and walk out onto the balcony area. On either side of this area are stairs that lead to the parking lot so technically you're just outside. The cool breeze whips through your hair and hits your face as you walk outside.

Roddy follows you. "Y/N, wait," he says. You sigh and look at your ex-boyfriend.

"What?" you ask, voice cracking. "Are you here just to walk out of my life again?"

Things didn't end very nicely between you and Roddy.

***

"Baby?" Roderick asks behind you.

You stand in your shared bedroom, holding his phone in your hands. Tears falling down your face as you look at the text notifications from his ex-wife on the lit up screen.

Roderick says, "Y/N? What's wrong?"

You sigh softly and read, "Roddy, love, when are you coming over? We want to see you tonight. Please text me when you get these." When you're finished reading, you look at your boyfriend. "What the fuck, Roddy? You told me it was over with her."

Roddy says, "It has been, Y/N. For two years."

"'Love'?" you say. "It's over but she still calls you 'love'. Okay, Roderick."

He walks over to you and he says, "It's not what it looks like, Y/N."

You cry, "I don't believe you, Roddy. I don't. I've seen you around her. You're happier when you're around her then you are with me. You constantly flirt with her and you disappear for days on end right after you talk to her."

Roderick says, "That's to see my son. You know that, Y/N. Do you really think that I'd cheat on you?"

"I don't know," you say. "You never let your son come over here and you just go over to her house. I've never even met your son after close to two years of dating. What's your lie for that?"

He looks slightly hurt as he says, "Because he's only three-years-old and he doesn't understand that his parents aren't together anymore. Adding you in there will only confuse him more. I've been waiting for the right time to introduce you to him, Y/N."

Things start to come together in your mind. That's a perfectly valid excuse. Troy is only three. He would be confused if you suddenly appeared in his life. He wouldn't understand why his parents aren't together. Roddy and his wife split shortly after Troy's first birthday and they've been co-parenting for years.

"I can't believe that you'd actually think I'd cheat on you," Roddy scoffs. "After two years, I thought you knew me better than that."

You immediately jump into defense mode as you say, "I'm sorry. I just never thought about how me being in Troy's life would confuse him. You're just gone for days on end and I-"

"Apparently don't trust me," Roderick says. He walks to the closet and grabs a suitcase. He puts clothes in it. "You don't trust me when all I do is go see my son, who I rarely get to see in the first place."

You say, "Roddy, please, I'm sorry. Please stay, let's just talk it out." You walk up to him and wrap your arms around his waist, not wanting to let go.

Roderick looks at you and says, "You don't trust me so why would I stay?" You look up at him and stay quiet. "Exactly." He takes his phone from you and walks toward the door.

You stand in the middle of the room, tears falling down your face. He stops, with his back turned to you and for a moment, you think he'll stay.

Your hopes are diminished as he walks down the hallway and down the stairs. Once the front door opens and closes, you start to cry. He left. He's gone.

***

You and Roderick stand face-to-face, alone for the first time in months.

"I never left," Roderick says. "You didn't trust me when all I did was leave to see my son."

Guilt hits you instantly and you say, "You could have stayed and we could have talked. I could have explained why I thought that you were cheating."

Roddy crosses his arms and he says, "So explain."

You say, "It's been four months, Roddy. What's the point?"

"I want to know if there was a reason behind why you thought that I was cheating on you," he says. "So explain."

You lean against the railing and you sigh. "It's because it wouldn't be the first time," you say. "When I first started in NXT, I met this guy and he would leave for a few days every few weeks. He would tell me he was visiting family. I received a DM from a girl who told me that she just found out that he was dating me and told me that him and her were dating each other. She had no idea about me. That's why I freaked out like I did because all I could think about was that message. I'll admit, I freaked out more than I should have but I was scared that it was happening again."

Roderick's expression and posture has softened as you explain your reasoning behind your freak out a few months ago.

Your words hang in the air for a few moments and you avoid looking at Roderick as soon as you're done talking.

Roderick finally breaks the silence when he says, "Kyle told me that you knew it was me that put him up to calling you earlier and that it was me that sent Adam to ask you to come. I wanted you here tonight, Y/N."

You finally look over at Roddy and ask, "Why? I thought you wouldn't want me around anymore after what happened."

"Because all I want this Christmas is for you and me to fix this," he says, reaching out and taking your hand. You look up at him with tear filled eyes. "I've missed you, Y/N. These past four months have been hell for me. I haven't gone a day without thinking about you and what would happen if we fixed things."

The tears start to fall down your cheeks as you listen to Roddy talk. You wait until he's done talking before you ask, "Why did it take you so long to try and fix this? Why did it take you four months?"

A car door closes and Roderick looks at the car. I look to see Roddy's ex-wife holding her son's hand. Her and Roddy's son. Troy.

Roderick says, "I've spent the past four months talking to Troy with Marina. We've been trying to get him to understand that his parents aren't together but that we're still his parents. Marina was talking to him about you, Y/N. She's been trying to get him to understand that she's his mother but that I'm with someone else."

Marina and Troy walk up the stairs and you look at Roddy. He looks at you before walking over to Marina and Troy. You stand in the same spot as Troy is picked up by Roddy. You see Roderick say something to Marina as she hands him a bag that was on her shoulder. She walks away and Roddy walks over to you with Troy.

Troy is looking at you and Roderick says, "So, Y/N. This is Troy. My son. This is the reason I left for a few days every few weeks."

You look at Roddy and ask, "After everything, you still want me to meet your son?"

Roderick nods and says, "I'm hoping that we'll fix things and that the past four months wouldn't have been a huge waste."

Troy says, "Y/N."

You raise your eyebrows and look at Troy. He smiles and holds his arms out to you. Roderick hands the toddler to you and you look at Roddy as you hold Troy in your arms.

Roderick smiles at the sight in front of him. "So what do you say?" he asks. "Give me a chance to fix things with us?"

You glance at Troy before looking at Roderick, saying, "Yes."

[hannibal-obsessed]

Why Not Spend Your Lock-Down with Dr. Hannibal Lecter?

By Shannon L. Christie

You are cordially invited to spend your lock-down, dining in the company of Dr. Hannibal Lecter.

Menu

Reception

Dr. Hannibal Lecter is one of thee most iconic fictional literary villains, created in the 20th Century; Hollywood films has cemented his iconic status and his transformation into the 21st Century, via network television, has been carefully crafted under the watchful eye of executive producer, Martha De Laurentiis.

Hannibal Lecter sprang from the mind of novelist Thomas Harris; Lecter has been in our lives for almost 40 years; introduced with the publication of Red Dragon in October 1981; he has never left our consciousness for too long.

So where does one start?

Do you read the 4 novels, watch the 5 movies or the TV Series?

Do I start at the beginning with Harris's novel, Red Dragon?

There are several ways to feast upon Hannibal Lecter: read Harris' novels first: watch the movies and then dine on the TV Series; read the novels, watch the corresponding movies and then the TV Series; watch the TV Series and then go back, watch the movies and read the novels. Whatever way you decide, you will not be disappointed at the end of your feast!

The following menu outline would be my suggestion for how to feast upon the sumptuous offerings of Dr. Hannibal Lecter.

Amuse-bouche

In this course we are served small bit-sized morsels of Dr. Hannibal Lecter.

Red Dragon: Thomas Harris, 1981

Will Graham, a former FBI Special Agent with an instinct for profiling, is sucked back into consulting for the FBI on their latest serial murder case; involving the Tooth Fairy. Will's been living a quiet life in Florida with his wife and son, when his former boss, Jack Crawford visits, enticing Graham back into the game. In order to get that old scent back; Graham needs to get into the mindset of a killer, so he visits Dr. Hannibal Lecter at The Baltimore State Hospital for the Criminally Insane, where Lecter is serving 9 consecutive life terms for murder. Graham was the FBI Agent who finally caught Hannibal and it almost cost him his life and sanity.

Interesting Fact: Harris attended portions of Ted Bundy's trial for the Chi Omega Murders in Florida. The Prosecutors in the Bundy trial used bite marks left on one of his victims as evidence. Dolarhyde left bite marks on Mrs. Leeds, which allowed forensics to create dental impressions, creating a sample of Dolarhyde's teeth.

Manhunter: Directed by Michael Mann, 1986

Manhunter was written and directed by Michael Mann; starring William Petersen (Will Graham), Dennis Farina (Jack Crawford), Tom Noonan (Francis Dollarhyde, film spelling/Red Dragon/Tooth Fairy), Joan Allen (Reba McClane) Brian Cox (Hannibal Lecktor, film spelling).

Manhunter is now considered a cult classic; at the time of it's original release it fared poorly at the box office and met with mixed reviews. It's cult status may be partially due to the continuing saga of Hannibal Lecter and William Petersen's success in CSI. The film touches on many of the important elements of the novel and also misses on quite a few. What is Dolarhyde's motive? The movie is dated with a definite 80's Michael Mann vibe; in spite of that it is definitely worth a watch for Noonan's performance.

Interesting Fact: Film Producer Dino De Laurentiis purchased the movie rights to the novel Red Dragon in 1983.

Red Dragon: Directed by Brett Ratner, 2002

This is where I'll skip ahead and talk about Manhunter's remake, Red Dragon. You can either choose to watch Red Dragon here or move it to after Hannibal to watch in order of release – entirely up to you.

Dino De Laurentiis passed on the movie rights to The Silence of the Lamb, due to the poor showing of Manhunter at the box office. So when The Silence of the Lambs was critically acclaimed by the critics; a huge box office success; winning the top 5 categories at the 1992 Oscars; Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actor, Best Actress and Best Adapted Screenplay – Dino wanted another serving of Hannibal Lecter.

When Harris released his third Lecter novel, simply titled Hannibal, Dino De Laurentiis picked up the rights and saw this as an opportunity to remake Manhunter, this time using the book title, Red Dragon, especially considering the success of Anthony Hopkins as Hannibal Lecter. In fact, Red Dragon was released in theatres a year after Hannibal.

Lecter's role was beefed up with a few added scenes; Lecter enjoying the symphony with the exception of the violinist; experiencing one of Lecter's sinfully delicious dinner parties of the music council with the violinist as the main course; seeing the tete-a-tete played out between Lecter and Graham (Edward Norton) that nearly cost them both their lives.

Dolarhyde's (Ralph Fiennes) abusive childhood is explored, the motivation for his heinous crimes against families. We see more of the relationship between Dolarhyde and Reba (Emily Watson) and Dolarhyde's struggle to keep the monster at bay. Ted Tally wrote the screenplay (he wrote The Silence of the Lambs screenplay and passed on the Hannibal screenplay); he has a great sense of what is essential to the narration of a well conceived movie, without loosing too much of the original story told by Thomas Harris.

I am partial to Red Dragon over Manhunter for that reason; I love Ralph Feinnes portrayal of Dolarhyde; he's creepy without being overtly creepy like Noonan is in Manhunter. Anthony Hopkins plays Hannibal Lecter beautifully as he always does. There are a few flaws in this version though, namely Edward Norton's portrayal of Will Graham. I love Norton – I just think he was wrong for the part and the bleached blonde hair drove me mad. I also have issue with Harvey Keitel as Jack Crawford, I just didn't get an FBI Special Agent in charge of the Behavioral Science Unit vibe from him. Keitel is the guy you bring in to rough up your suspect. On the plus side, the crime scenes are more graphic than in Manhunter, which I feel is essential to understanding the severity of the need to capture this fiend, because now he has a taste for it and he will not stop!

Interesting Fact: Dino De Laurentiis had to make a deal with MGM, so the shot of The Baltimore State Hospital building used in The Silence of the Lambs, could be used in Red Dragon, as the building had been demolished.

Dinner

Appetizer

In this course we are treated to petite, rich tasty morsels of Hannibal Lecter,

both of the hot and cold variety.

The Silence of the Lambs: Thomas Harris, 1988

The follow up novel to Red Dragon, Harris' third novel, Lecter was not a character Harris intended to use; he just showed up one day as Harris wrote. The Silence of the Lambs was the story of a young female FBI agent in training; female agents were a relatively new concept at Quantico. J. Edgar Hoover had died in 1972 and the FBI slowly started to drag itself into the modern age and out of the Mafia/Prohibition dark ages that it was founded on. Harris' story of Clarice Starling was an exploration of an agent in training along with a manhunt, headed by Jack Crawford, for a serial killer, only known as “Buffalo Bill”; who abducted girls, held them hostage for a few days; shot them in the heads, dumped their bodies in rivers; having partially skinned them post mortem. The FBI is stumped, they have no motive, no pattern and no connections between the victims. What should they do? Crawford sends Clarice Starling, an agent in training to interview Dr. Hannibal Lecter.

The Silence of the Lambs: Directed by Jonathan Demme, 1991

As I previously mentioned, Dino de Laurentiis passed on acquiring the movie rights for The Silence of the Lambs; the rights ended up in the hands of Demme and Orion Films, without a fee paid to De Laurentiis. The screenplay was written by Ted Tally, who managed to highlight all the important aspects of the novel, creating a balanced story. The movie starred Jodie Foster (Clarice Starling), Glenn Scott (Jack Crawford), Anthony Heald (Dr, Frederick Chilton), Ted Levine (Jame Gumb/Buffalo Bill) and Anthony Hopkins (Hannibal Lecter),

Interesting Fact: Anthony Hopkins on screen performance of Hannibal Lecter, consisting of only sixteen minutes earned him an Oscar for Best Actor in 1992.

Entree

This course is a hearty and meaty dish of Hannibal Lecter, served with delicate red sauce.

Hannibal: Thomas Harris, 1999

Would Harris write another Lecter novel? As we eagerly waited to see – making us wait 10 long years, Harris' reward was Hannibal; a story centred around Dr. Hannibal Lecter. I think many people weren't prepared for the monster to be uncaged. It was bloodier and gorier than the previous two films and quite sadistic. Manhunter and The Silence of the Lambs were considered psychological thrillers with a dollop of horror. Hannibal was a full on horror novel with a dollop of psychological thriller. Dr. Hannibal Lecter was free of his cage, just in-time for the new millennium and some readers were not happy.

When the novel, Hannibal, was released, many critics and readers were appalled by the goriness of it (we are talking about a man who kills people and eats them). I guess once the layers of the onion were peeled away; culture, music, art, culinary skills, courteousness – they were horrified by the monster at the centre – that was the point. Serial killers show society a veneer of acceptable personality traits; they keep the monster hidden away, until he breaks through and comes out to play. In that sense, the novel Hannibal, is spot on. He's your neighbour, your friend, your husband, your father, your brother and sometimes your son (The majority of serial killers are male, sorry guys). He wears a symbolic mask in public, to prevent you from guessing how sick and perverted he truly is.

Harris' novel, Hannibal, was the perfect GOTCHA moment! Harris had led us into a false sense of security; either intentionally or unintentionally, with Lecter's intro in Red Dragon; sure he tells Francis Dolarhyde to kill Graham's family – In The Silence of the Lamb; Lecter is so helpful trying to advance Clarice Starling's career; sure he kills several people while escaping from custody; we'll just chalk that up to acceptable carnage.

We start to rationalize that Lecter can't be all bad; he must have some redeeming qualities: he's a man of sophisticated tastes; he's knowledgeable; an incredible chef; a great musician and artist. We don't even mind knowing that he dined on Dr. Chilton, upon his escape; possibly thinking Chilton had it coming.

Harris let us peek briefly behind the curtain in Red Dragon and The Silence of the Lambs and perhaps Harris was dismayed to learn that upon the popularity of Hopkins portrayal of Hannibal Lecter; he'd become a pop culture icon and somewhat of a hero. Hannibal shattered that illusion.

We find Clarice Starling, 10 years later, working as an FBI Special Agent, in a stagnate career. She can't advance; being blocked by Paul Krendler.

Hannibal has been living in Florence as the curator of the Palazzo Capponi as Dr. Norman Fell (the real Dr. Fell disappeared under mysterious circumstances). Florence, Italy, the ideal spot for Lecter, a true Renaissance man. We discover there has been a string of murders by the fiend, know as Il Mostro.

Meanwhile, Mason Verger, Lecter's 4th victim, is on the hunt for Dr. Lecter, who left Mason disfigured, although technically by Mason's own hand. Verger has offered a $3,000,000 reward for information leading to the capture of Dr. Hannibal Lecter.

Interesting Fact: Thomas Harris attended the trial of The Monster of Florence, Pietro Pacciani, in 1994, incorporating some of the aspects of the crimes into his Hannibal novel and hinting that Hannibal himself was Il Mostro (The Monster of Florence).

Hannibal: Directed by Ridley Scott, 2001

If some readers were unhappy with the novel, there were those unhappy about the production of a movie in the same vain. Ted Tally didn't want to write the screenplay, Foster didn't want to reprise her role as Starling and Demme wasn't interested in directing. The consensus was it was too graphic and gory and they wanted no part of it; a complete turnaround; they initially were chomping at the bit to be involved in the follow-up to The Silence of the Lambs.

Interesting Fact: Dino De Laurentiis was under the impression that given a good story even he could play Clarice Starling.

The extra dinner course you never needed; you were already full.

Hannibal Rising: Thomas Harris, 2006

From all accounts that I've read, Harris was gently coerced into writing Hannibal Rising. Dino De Laurentiis wanted an origin story to turn into a film and he'd do it with or without Harris. Harris eventually caved and produced the fourth Lecter novel, Hannibal Rising.

Harris uses the hardships of WWII as the starting backdrop for the development of young Lecter's transformation into “Hannibal the Cannibal”. This is perhaps a story that never needed to be told. We were given glimpses in the novel Hannibal that never made it into the movie and perhaps that was a mistake; not seeing the humanity in Hannibal before events unfolded to create a monster and he is a monster, however refined his tastes are. It would have made a good contrast to the harshness of Lecter's grotesque and sadistic actions in Hannibal; that's where a good screenplay, might have made a difference. Francis Dolarhyde, Jame Gumb and Hannibal Lecter weren't born evil, they were shaped and moulded by their harsh experiences as young, innocent, impressionable children. Monsters aren't born, they are made – the moral of the stories. The difference being Hannibal always took responsibility for his actions, never placing the blame at someone else’s feet.

Hannibal Rising: Directed by Peter Webber, 2007

This time Harris would be involved, writing the screenplay for the Hannibal Rising movie. While I enjoyed Gaspard Ulliel as a young Hannibal, I felt that the story was unnecessary.

And just when you thought that was all and Hannibal Lecter's story had been narrated from beginning to end; Lecter was resurrected in 2013 for Bryan Fuller's TV Series, titled Hannibal, for three seasons on NBC.

Dessert

A delicate balance of psychiatry, culinary skills, food porn, relationships, sex, beauty, horror

and murder tableaus, like the layers of a sinful Double Chocolate Torte.

Hannibal TV Series: Developed by Bryan Fuller, 2013-2015

I know what you're going to say; there's no way I'm watching a Hannibal TV show without Hopkins on NBC! Whether your a Cox fan or a Hopkins fan; they both played the part in their own style and both performances are top notch. Hopkins had a little more to sink his teeth into with The Silence of the Lambs; as the screen time was slightly longer than in Manhunter.

I was stubborn too! I didn't watch Hannibal during the originally airing for season one or two. I remember catching a glimpse of an episode as I was on my way out to photograph a band; I was a live music photographer for around three years, so many of my Friday nights were spent in Toronto. It was the episode with the horse and the coffin-birth, which ultimately left an impression. So in January 2015 I binge watched season one and two (26 episodes) in only two days; I couldn't stop watching!

There's been a string of missing girls attributed to one person, known as “The Minnesota Shrike” and the FBI are struggling for leads. Upon the eighth girls disappearance, Jack Crawford (Laurence Fishburne) walks into Will Graham's (Hugh Dancy) classroom to request his help. Graham has the unique ability to empathize with narcissits and sociopaths and as he states, it has less to do with a personality disorder and more to do with an active imagination. Dr. Bloom expresses her concerns to Jack Crawford about using Will Graham for his special gifts and recommends keeping an eye on him; suggesting a colleague of hers, Dr. Hannibal Lecter.

Bryan Fuller's adaption uses Red Dragon as the main source material, with additional material from Hannibal and Hannibal Rising; expanding characters stories and switching some genders to give it a less male dominated cast. Characters like Margot Verger, who were left out of the Hannibal movie are slotted back in to give the Mason Verger story more substance. Cordell, Verger's valet and cook, is far cheekier in the TV series. Dr. Alan Bloom is transformed into Dr. Alana Bloom and Freddy Lounds, once played by the amazing Philip Seymour Hoffman becomes Freddie Lounds played by Lara Jean Chorostecki, who plays her less sleazy and yet still despicable.

Interesting Fact: Bryan Fuller incorporated some of the forward written by Harris in Red Dragon about his experience writing the novel.

Whipped Fresh Creme & a Cherry On-top!

Hannibal Fan Fiction

Season 3 of Hannibal ends on a cliff hanger and unfortunately NBC cancelled the show without a resolution. Not to worry, there is a buffet of Hannibal Fan Fiction out there for you to sink your teeth into. Hannibal fan fiction spans the spectrum of General Audience to NC-17 to pornographic; there is something to suit everyone's taste. If you don't find anything pleasing; you can always write your own fan fiction!

Interesting Fact: Some of the cast members have read Hannibal fan fiction.

Hannibal Fan Art

The amazing thing about the Hannibal fandom, whether you're old school or new school; there is incredible artwork to explore created by incredibly talented artists.

Interesting Fact: Bryan Fuller and the De Laurentiis Company are not dicks about copyright infringement, when it comes to fan art and fan fiction.

Hannibal Conventions

Red Dragon Con by Starfury: An all Hannibal Con in London, England.

Fannibal Fest: An all Hannibal Con with location tours in Toronto, Canada.

Sofa-Con by Fannibal Fest: Due to the lock-down situation around the world because of Covid-19 all conventions were cancelled in 2020. Fannibal Fest set of some Zoom meetings with guests that starred or worked on Hannibal.

There are several Hannibal fandom groups all over different parts of the world; who meat-up to dine and discuss their favourite topic, Hannibal. I am part of a GTA Fannibal group that centres around Toronto, Canada and we’ve met several times.

So, as we finish our dining experience with Dr. Hannibal Lecter; we'll eagerly anticipate another invitation to Lecter's dinner table, as a guest or if you're unspeakably rude, perhaps you'll be the main course; either way I'll meet or eat you there!

Shannon L. Christie

aka Hannibal_Obsessed

[charmedseoull]

The Aftermath of Fanfiction Authors with Reba Interview

Before You Read the Interview

I contacted Reba after she posted a Reddit thread titled “When a fic becomes too popular and the author deletes their account and/or work. Explained.” on a throwaway account. We discussed details of the interview during December over email, then started the interview in January. This interview is not associated with a project and is its own independent work. Reba has chosen to remain anonymous.

She provides insight on potential reasons to why fanfiction authors abandon their work from the perspective of a fanfiction reader. She also answered general fandom questions and questions about herself so readers could understand her background.

Charmedseoul is a BTS-focused anonymous historian who documents fandom history using Fanlore. If you would like to be interviewed to help document perspectives in fandom, please contact her on Twitter @charmedseoul or on Tumblr @charmedseoull.

Parts of this interview have been edited with links to Fanlore and Wikipedia pages for understanding. Any information in [brackets] serves for further clarity for readers and elaboration of information.

Now presenting the interview with Reba, long-time fanfiction reader and participant in fandom:

When did you first join fandom culture?

I joined fandom culture in 2014. I feel like fandoms really peaked during this time. [Presence of SuperWhoLock and other Tumblr specific fandoms.]

What fandoms are you in? How have your experiences in them been?

I will be honest and say fandom culture isn’t for me- so I can’t say I’m active in any fandoms (I’m just a silent consumer) but growing up I was a fan of music artists mostly; Justin Bieber, Ariana Grande… I loved the IT 2017 movie adaptation for a long time (I still do), and early 2020 is when I got into BLACKPINK, then BTS. My experience with all of these has been good, and maybe that’s because I don’t see any of the drama and arguments online- but I don’t regret any of my past interests because they all made me happy at one point in time.

What do you like about fandoms?

 What I like about fandoms is how happy it can make an individual; getting excited for a new music video, smiling at behind the scenes photos… it can bring someone a little joy if they are having a bad day.

What do you dislike about fandoms?

I don’t like stan culture at all; fandom drama, arguing on twitter with strangers to defend an artist who doesn’t even know you… it all seems toxic. While I'm sure healthy stanning does exist, I don't think it's easy to achieve at all.

How long have you been an ARMY? What are your opinions about the fandom? How has your experience in the fandom been? 

I became an ARMY in early 2020 when Map of the Soul: 7 was released, so only a year. I really do like the fandom; ARMY is the only fandom I’ve seen where there are so many fans worldwide of all different ages, and that just shows how BTS and their music really is for everyone. There is so much BTS content that there’s never a dull day, so my experience in the fandom has been enjoyable!

Did you ever leave ARMY and take a break then come back?

 I’ve never left ARMY, that being said, I’m a newbie and haven’t been here for long.

When did you first start reading fanfiction? 

I have been exposed to fanfiction since 2014, but I wasn’t in any fandom back then and started reading fanfiction in 2017.

What do you think the purpose behind fanfiction is?

 We mostly read for entertainment but there is definitely a purpose to fanfiction, as for all art. Fanfiction is a great thing for both reader and writers, it can be an outlet for many people, a way to experience things that you don't have a chance to experience in your own life. It also can be a good base ground for people who want to start writing, or for someone who finds reading huge paperback novels difficult. Fanfiction is so easily accessible, you can pull up a story to read or share your work at the press of a button.

As you’ve read fanfiction over the years, do you feel like anything about fanfiction has changed?

Yes! Fanfiction is taken a lot more seriously now, people who write fanfiction treat it like an actual novel with plotting and editing- the quality of fanfiction in general is a lot better. Fandom ships have also changed; when I was a teenager Harry Styles fanfictions were crazy popular, now the fanfics that seem to be more popular are BTS! So that just shows when music evolves, pretty much everything else does too.

As a reader, how do you view authors?

I'm always amazed by fanfic authors because they practically write whole novels for free. Writing can be such a personal thing, and it does take talent; there is a story the author wants to convey, and when a story is told in a beautiful way, it leaves a lasting impact on the reader. I’m sure that must be a euphoric feeling for the author- it means they told their story, and they did it well.

Do you think many other readers share the same view as you?

No, not at all. There are readers out there who don’t really think about the time and effort authors put into their stories. I’ve seen readers expect so much, and criticise something so little. It’s sad- people should be able to write whatever they want, writing is supposed to encourage creativity. Authors shouldn’t have to fear backlash for doing just that. Being creative. 

Why do you think so many authors delete/orphan their work after it gains popularity?

When a story gains popularity- it attracts good and bad attention alike. Unfortunately the negative affects us a lot more, it’s just human nature. While authors do put their work out there, I don’t think they are ever prepared for their stories to become so popular. I am sure it is overwhelming and that’s why authors feel the need to distance themselves from it all and delete/orphan their work.

What stories prompted you to start thinking about why authors delete/orphan their works? 

I read a story called mixtape (IT movie) and I was around long enough to see chapters be uploaded each week. I also saw the struggles the author went through when their fanfic began to rise in popularity, which eventually led to the story being completely deleted from the internet. So I thought this could have been a one-off since I hadn’t read many fanfictions. I then moved onto BTS fanfiction and decided to read the most talked about ones first, only to see a lot of them were by orphaned accounts (so not just a one-off occurrence!). House of Cards by sugamins was the one that got me thinking, I thought “why would somebody not want to be associated with this amazing writing?!” That’s when I began to do some research and stumbled across your interview with the author!

How do you think backlash for a work harms an authors mental health? 

An immense amount of feedback, positive or negative, can take a toll on one person. A lot of authors can be reserved people and they write because they are passionate, as an outlet or just a hobby. So when their work does receive backlash it can be very upsetting- it could make them doubt their reasons and capabilities and affect an author so much they might stop writing all together.

How do you think some authors manage their mental health and not delete a work? 

This is a hard question because everyone deals with backlash differently. I know some authors who are not bothered by backlash and they choose to ignore it and move on with their day, and then there are other authors who are more anxious and have to put a lot of measures in place to protect their mental health; from your interview with sugamins they explain how they didn’t want to destroy their work, just distance themselves from it, so that’s always an option.

Taking time away from social media and getting enough rest, it is important to not neglect your well-being. Finding a way to cope when you feel low; animals tend to ground me and improve my mental health- they are loving and don’t judge you for who you are. Maybe you cope by talking with friends, or listening to your favourite song. It doesn’t matter what it is, as long as it helps. 

At what point with mental health do you think authors start to consider deletion/orphaning?

I think an author starts to consider deleting/orphaning their work when it completely consumes them. It is not healthy to be fixated on something that is no longer bringing you happiness, you need to let it go. If you are an author reading this, just know you are not your feedback, it doesn’t define your existence, okay? Fanfiction should add to your life, not take away from it. 

Why do you think some readers invade an authors privacy?

Sometimes, people care more about the author than the work they have created. So when a fanfic has deeply touched a reader and helped them through so much, they want to reach out in any way and tell them so- this can be invasive if the reader is not careful about their approach.

How do you think authors manage this privacy invasion?

Stopping it before it happens; not using your real name, having a separate account for writing, don’t link social media accounts in your works etc. If privacy has already been compromised and a reader is making the author uncomfortable, then disabling comments on their works, making a new social media or changing their accounts to private would be smart. Just knowing how to keep safe online.

At what point with privacy invasion do you think authors start to consider deletion/orphaning?

When you are at risk of being doxed. I think when readers are going as far as finding authors’ personal accounts and messaging their friends- anything along those lines is scary and the reader is going from a supporter to an intrusive stranger real fast.

Why do you think anonymity is important for fanfiction writing?

When your full name is attached to everything you do, people have a very easy way to get back to you. This is why authors keep an anonymous profile, and it is important readers respect that.  Most authors don’t want their family, friends, employer etc to see that sort of stuff. It is completely okay to remain professional and keep fanfiction writing separate from personal life.

Do you think fanfiction writing should stay free? Do you think authors should be paid for their work? 

I do think fanfiction writing should stay free on the sites they originate from (AO3 for example). However, if the author wants to take their work elsewhere to earn money then I don’t see an issue in that. I am glad you mention copyright law with fanfiction in particular because the author of mixtape (the fanfiction I mentioned earlier) tried to self publish their work while keeping canon names, the author tried to justify it as a parody work and everyone was so concerned that they reported the book until it got removed. I have seen stories on Wattpad become published books to purchase, however, the names had been changed to original characters- I think this seems like a much more logical move to avoid any legal repercussions.

As a reader, how has an author’s work connected with you personally? 

I have had works connect with me on a personal level, one in particular is Somebody To Love by LOVERVMINS (orphaned). My standards are impossibly high after reading that fanfic and I don’t think I will ever come across something so beautiful again. Somebody To Love is a taekook fic that was uploaded to AO3 in 2019, the author ended up deleting all their works but thankfully left this particular story up. I was immediately captured by the incredible writing and unique plot; the story of two lovers who were never meant for each other, but destiny found its way anyway… I apologise in advance for how long this summary (with spoilers) is, but I think my thoughts are proof of how this story has connected with me so much!

(Spoilers for Somebody to Love by LOVERVMINS. Please feel free to scroll to the next bolded question to avoid spoilers.)

In this story, Taehyung is a successful lawyer while Jungkook is just a student, despite the difference in status and wealth, they are intrigued by one another from the very start. After meeting Taehyung, Jungkook is left feeling confused about himself, the internalised homophobia is strong to begin with but as the chapters progress Jungkook goes from someone who is afraid of society and what people may think, to strong and outspoken. Taehyung plays a fundamental part in this, because if Jungkook were to never meet Taehyung, he wouldn’t have realised who he really was, he wouldn’t have been brave enough to discover his sexuality and fall in love in a time where it was so unaccepting. Taehyung is bold and confident on the surface, giving little regard for anybody other than himself, but his concern for others soon changes after he meets Jungkook, he becomes a better man. He could have had his heart desires- but Taehyung was no longer selfish from those few months he spent with Jungkook, so he stayed with his wife to be a good father.

Taehyung makes Jungkook promise him he will find somebody to love (hence the title), and he does, Jungkook finds somebody to love and he is happy- Taehyung finds this out when they unexpectedly meet a few years later, this is the final time Jungkook and Taehyung see each other… but knowing Jungkook is happy, leaves Taehyung happy.

There are different kinds of love, some last forever, and some just for a chapter of your life. It is clear Jungkook was Taehyung’s forever. And I don’t think Jungkook’s love for Taehyung ever went away, he just found another kind of love like he had promised. Jungkook had to live his life; he couldn’t wait for Taehyung, to leave his marriage in the unforeseeable future, or watch him raise his kids from afar, this shows that even if society were accepting, their circumstances were too far gone- if only they met sooner, or in another life. It makes you imagine a world where they could have been together, it makes you think beyond the story even when it’s ended.

It has been a month or two since I read LOVERVMINS work, and I still feel a pang in my chest every time I think of Taehyung’s letter for Jungkook in the epilogue.

Why do you think others think they have the right to know an authors personal information?

I think in this day and age, everything about a person is on show, so people just expect that sort of information from you. Authors appreciate feedback- but they don't know the reader, their family or what they do for fun. Vice versa. You only see a small glimpse into the authors life, and the stuff you see is what they feel comfortable enough to show. That should be enough.

Do you consider writing an art form?

  I do consider writing an art form. Writing is like painting an image in the readers mind. I think it is better than visual art because when you are reading a story, not everyone is going to envision the exact same thing, it is up to the imagination. I think that is what makes it so beautiful- we all collectively love a story, yet, we somehow interpret it differently.

Why do you think Archive of Our Own is the ideal platform for fanfiction writing?

I think Archive of Our Own is ideal for fanfiction writing because they give you many options with your work so you are comfortable- it is easy to remove comments, delete an account, or orphan works while keeping your account etc. It is important authors get control of what happens to their work if they want to leave and go in a different direction.

Do you think other fanfiction writing platforms like Fanfiction.net and Wattpad are ideal or lacking?

I think Wattpad is ideal for younger audiences; it’s more visual with book covers and the layout in general is more appealing, I also feel like the stories on there are targeted for pre-teens. When I first got into fanfiction, I did start on Wattpad because it was easier to navigate. I look back now though and do think it is lacking in terms of quality, a lot of the stories are written for shock value and don’t really make much sense because of that. It is hard to find a story on Wattpad that ticks all the boxes (but not impossible). Wattpad also had a breach with data last summer and everyone’s emails got pwned so that made a lot of people move to AO3. I have never used Fanfiction.net so unfortunately I can’t speak for that one. Overall, AO3 has much more content, you can find a story with ease once you know how to use the site.

How has fanfiction writing affected the people in your personal life?

How did you find out that your sister is writing fanfiction?

My sister wrote a Harry Styles fanfic in 2014 which gathered around half a million reads on Wattpad, she got comments from people telling her how much her fanfic has impacted their lives pretty much every day. My sister and I are close and we share the same friends, I noticed when we would have sleepovers she was always on her phone and never paid attention to the movies we were watching. I think all the numbers did affect her for a moment and it wasn’t until my sister started her exams that she realised she had to put her concentration into those to pass, that’s how she came to the decision to delete the story. I asked her recently if she regrets deleting it and she told me she doesn’t at all, she now looks back and doesn’t think her writing was good back then. So I think that shows authors do know what they’re doing and what is best for them in the long run. 

My sister had a one direction fan account on Instagram that had 100k+ followers (insane!), she was always open with her interests and I found out she started writing fanfiction through that account.

What personal reasons do you think authors have for deleting/orphaning works?

The list is endless; maybe the author wrote the story in a bad time in their life and they want to delete it because it reminds them of that time, they could have left the fandom, or they simply do not like their story anymore- they grew up and know they can do so much better. It is okay for an author to grow apart from their work, it shows they are growing as a person too.

Why do you think authors get backlash from writing dark themes?

I think authors receive backlash from writing dark themes because it can be triggering for some and can bring up unpleasant memories.

What do you think are the responsibilities of an author when writing dark themes?

 A safe bet would be to tag anything relating to abuse (physical, emotional, etc), mental illness (eating disorders, self harm, suicide, etc), graphic violence and rape/sexual assault. That’s what comes to mind. And if a trigger occurs only in a certain chapter, then having an additional warning in the chapter notes would be helpful.  

What do you think are the responsibilities of a reader when reading dark themes?

If dark subjects are included in the tags, don’t read the story if it could trigger you. It is as simple as that. People decide to read the fanfic then get mad at the author for triggering them. I am not trying to insult anybody who has triggers, maybe they read a story and their specific trigger was never mentioned in the additional tags… this is what the ‘chose not to archive warnings’ box is for, with this option, it is handled in AO3’s FAQ that major tags are not necessary. In shirt, this means there may be triggering content in the fic that is not disclosed by the author. Plus, there is usually a pop up banner before you click on a story which reads ‘this work could have adult content. if you proceed you have agreed that you are willing to see such content’. There are so many warnings, you can’t miss them. It is a case of reading at your own risk, you can’t blame the author if you do not like the result.

Do you think authors are facing too much pressure from readers about what themes they write?

I do think authors face unnecessary pressure with the themes they write; they are put on such a pedestal that when they write something that isn’t what the audience want, they receive a lot of negative criticism. Authors, no matter what themes you are writing, there is no need to worry if you are writing for yourself and putting out the content you set out to create.

Why do you think authors write dark themes?

 Dark themes are simply an exploration of difficult emotions along with unpleasant events or consequences. Authors write dark themes because it serves a narrative purpose. And authors don’t have to be ‘dark’ people or experience all of these unsettling things to write such content. 

Why do you think readers read dark themes?

Dark themes are not for everyone, I personally don’t think there are enough dark works out there. I read dark themes because it interests me more, I want to know how the characters are going to cope with the consequences, or heal from the trauma. Other readers might prefer dark themes for the graphic content, this is fine too. Fictional violence is not real- we all know this, so there is no reason to be terrified. 

Why do you think so many authors want to have their work get popular?

 People may disagree, but I think it has a lot to do with validation. Subconsciously, authors want people to like their work- a rise in popularity means readers are seeing the authors work, and hopefully taking enjoyment from it. This isn’t a bad thing as long as you realise validation does not equal self-worth. There are people out there who write and do not gain much attention, but that doesn’t stop them from posting their work anyway.

Do you think a work’s popularity is important?

I personally don’t. I read a range of fanfictions- some are super popular, others are not. It is the content I am more interested in, not how many hits/views it has.  

Should we judge authors for deleting/orphaning their work?

Not at all! I am sure authors have thought long and hard before coming to their decision.

How should we view situations where authors delete/orphan their work? 

For a reader, it can be upsetting when authors delete/orphan their work, especially if there is no possibility of reading that story again. However, we need to show compassion and view the situation from the authors perspective; gaining popularity on a fanfic isn't as pleasant as it might seem, it is much more complicated than that. A lot of feedback, both good and bad, can be overwhelming. Mental health is important, and if that means distancing yourself from something so popular, then it must be done. Privacy can be compromised, people in your real life might find out you write these stories and not be accepting, or readers become invasive which is a scary situation to be in. And a mixture of personal reasons, people are allowed to grow and change and want to distance themselves from things they are no longer proud of. 

What do you think authors should be aware of in case their work does get popular?

This is a good question… I think authors need to be aware that with good feedback, also comes bad feedback. You cannot please every single person on this earth, but that is not your job- so do not take it personally. 

Do you have any last messages to readers of this interview?

 I want to thank you in particular, Charm. This interview is probably the coolest thing I’ll ever get to do for the BTS fandom and I’m so grateful that our paths crossed so we could create this interview together. You are such a kind soul and it has been a pleasure from start to finish. 

For the authors reading this interview; I am just a reader, but I do understand how it can be hard for you to continue on when you are going through so many struggles readers don’t get to see. Just know you are appreciated, and you are supported no matter what you decide to do with your works in the future. Having popular works shouldn’t feel like a burden, there are blessings hidden in there- you have made readers feel a rollercoaster of emotions with your talent, you are able to engage with readers around the world, and you have created a beautiful story from nothing… you did that! 

For the silent readers like myself: let the authors of your favourite work know how much you loved it (in a respectful way) before it is too late! I so wish I had the chance to tell the author of Somebody To Love how their story broke my heart then healed it again. Treasure the fanfictions you love because they very well could be gone tomorrow!

Thank you for reading this interview. Further below are reminders and information about this interview and Charmedseoul’s Fanlore projects.

Reba has chosen to remain anonymous. No social media or information about her will be released publicly.

This interview was conducted through email from January 31, 2021 to February 1, 2021 with Reba’s consent and protections under Fanlore’s Identity Protection policies and the posting website’s privacy policies. Unauthorized reposting of this interview is forbidden. 

Due to the casual nature of this interview, repost of this interview is strictly prohibited. Linking and sharing is appreciated. Translation and unauthorized repost of this interview is forbidden.

Thank you for reading. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask and I will do my best to answer them.

[henryobsessed]

I Took You Home - A Night on the Town

Summary: Henry takes Reba for a night on the town.

Word Count : 4381

Warning: Fluff 

A/N Disclaimer I don’t live in England, visited once when I was 12 so all depictions in this chapter are thanks to google. If you read something that does not ring true please let me know so I can correct it :) 

Thanks for the continued support I love tell stories and interacting with people about them.

Previous Chapter 6

Reba stood looking at Henry, chuckling nervously as the look on his face could only be described as lusty. "Henry?" he shook his head in the affirmative and smiled that easy smile that made her stomach flutter. Pulling the door closed behind her they turned and walked towards the elevator, neither risking making a move. The silence was painful as they waited to reach ground level, it had only been a week and they had been texting but there was a hesitancy now between them. Reba wondered if it was because they were now both aware, aware of who they both were to each other for Reba he was her Charles Brandon and for Henry she was his Thomas Magi. Both stayed silent until they were seated in his town car.

The sound of fingers tapping pulled Reba from her own nervousness, noticing Henrys twitching leg and rapid drumming of his fingers she laughed. His head jerked to her a questioning look on his face as his low gruff voice said, "What's funny?" Continuing her chuckle, she deliberately moved closer to Henry and placed a hand on his knee. "We are, Last week we were strangers and think of what we did. Now we know each other a little and were acting like it’s out first time together." His knee felt good under her hand and as if the touch broke the ice Henry sighed. Lifting his arm into the familiar invitation Reba sort out his warmth against his side. His low chuckle echoed in the car as he said, "Your right, sorry I had just build up tonight so much in my mind over this week that I over thought it and it made me anxious"

Now she was relaxed as her body connected with his, Reba could also acknowledge that same feeling. The butterfly's as she had been getting ready were a new experience for her. She never put herself into a situation other than releasing her books that allowed her to feel such vulnerabilities. Since last week she had now been forced essentially to feel out of control. In some ways she hated it, but in other ways she would never take it back, as she had been treated to other amazing sensations because of it. She sighed then spoke with courage "Mmmmm, so we can both admit to feeling nervous." contented now in his arms she broached the question that had her most uncomfortable. "Can you tell me where we are going tonight? That might help me feel more secure" this was a big part of her anxiousness. She liked to know where she was going, and a way to get home if things went pear shaped.

She listened to Henry's breathing and then he spoke with understanding, "I can hear that you really don't like being out of control. Does it cause you anxiety not know where we are going? I would like to just take you on a journey of some special places here in London but if you need I can give you the itinerary" she could not feel or hear any disappointment in his body language just a acceptance. This helped Reba to relax even more, maybe a surprise journey, just living in the moment would do her the world of good. She looked up at his face his kind eyes studying her waiting for her answer. Deciding to show him how much she was putting her trust in him she leant up and kissed him on the lips. She could tell she had surprised him as he stiffened for just a moment. Then responded to her, pulling her tighter against him as they deepened the kiss. As she pulled back for air she smiled at his soft features and said "Ok, I trust you lets go on a journey"

She loved the next sound that came out of his lips a genuine happy whisper "Ohh boy". She snuggled down in his arms enjoying the feeling of strength surrounding her as she watched the night sky through the car window, the stars twinkled whilst they sped to their first destination.

As the car slowed with traffic, she felt Henry's chest expand as he took a deep breath in a clear sign he had something important to say, "Reba, I attract a lot of attention when in public. I'm going to wear a Cap and glasses to blend in a bit more, but can you do me a favour and call me Charles? It might just give enough of a distraction that no one will notice us." Realising that this was one of the harder parts of being an actor and one that her pseudonym helped protect her from she answered with a giggle, "I guess that will be fine Charles as my phone does light up with your name, it should not be such a hard shift" she lent up and kissed him again a soft one this time.   

It wasn't long before the car slowed down and stopped. Reba sat up as Henry's door was opened by the driver, he stepped out and then looked back holding his hand out to her with a smile "My lady" giggling Reba took his hand and exited the car.

Reba had not done any sightseeing adventures in London other than visiting the pub every Wednesday and that fated Saturday. However, the sight before her she knew well. In school when they had talked about London in sociology and history, they had mentioned the palace, the Themes, and Trafalgar Square which is what she was now looking at. It looked more beautiful in person than the pictures she had seen especially as she was seeing it at night. Henry moved behind her wrapping his arms around her as she stared at the fountains. She relaxed in his arms and sighed "this is beautiful Charles. The way the light catches the water and shimmers across the fountains. The pictures don't do it justice" His head resting on the top of her shoulder he said softly into her ear "That sounded good hearing you call me Charles" For such a warm night Reba felt tingles run down her spine as his breath tickled her ear.

Reba moaned softly scolding Henry with a light voice "If you continue to do that Charles, I won’t be able to continue this journey without a lot of discomfort" she heard and felt his chuckle next to her ear. "Maybe that was my intention" that elicited another shiver as she stepped forward away from his body, holding his hand she moved to look more closely at the fountain, Henry following in tow. She was feeling a little overwhelmed at how he was making her body feel especially as they were in public. The square had people milling about taking photos, groups heading to different food venues in the area and just general Friday evening fun. Still right now all she could feel was him, smell him, her stomach had those butterflies back again so deciding to distract herself she made them walk around.   

They looked at the statues for a while Reba getting lost in the intricacies of the lions. They were beautifully carved; it was while she was staring into the eyes of one that her stomach made a loud growl. Laughing Henry looked at this watch and said "I think the lion in your stomach would be better sated if we head to our next destination" He put his arm around her waste and started them walking away from the square. It wasn't a hurried walk but a comfortable one arm in arm, contented, as he lead her away from the busy street to a narrower one. It was still busy with foot traffic as people hurried to the evening's entertainment. Reba looked at the stores and shops that lines the street, they looked old, full of history and charm. It was outside of one of these shops that Henry stopped. It was a brown unimpressive exterior called Gordon's wine bar. "This is it" he said as he lead her into the side door, the front did not prepare Reba for the wonderful sight she was to encounter as the smells of oak wood, Food and Wine assaulted her senses.

Henry wanted to pick her up and kiss her soundly, the look on Reba's face as they entered the Wine bar was priceless. Her eyes big and round, her pink lips shaped in an open awe. Her reaction was more than he could have hoped for when he chose Gordon's wine bar. Seeing the waiter coming towards them he guided her forward, "Good evening, table for two? And would you like garden or inside?" Henry answered quickly "Inside thank you" Reba looked up at him a slight frown on her face but she didn't voice her thoughts. Henry held back a chuckle he knew what she was soon to experience, yes it was warm but it would be worth it.

They were led to their table, he looked at Reba. Her face held pure amazement, now he did chuckle out loud. They were sitting in a cave like cellar, lit with twinkling lights and candles. "I know it would have been nice in the garden, but I wanted you to experience this" She let a breath out, as her gaze left the room and landed back to him. She smiled a soft smile that made his heart beat that bit faster "this is beautiful Charles" she breathed as she turned to look again at the cavern that they were now seated in.

He smiled as the waitress came forward to get their order "Reba do you mind if I order for us, they have a beautiful Italian platter for two here." He watched her face to make sure he wasn't over stepping but he was instead rewarded with a bigger smile "I love Italian that sounds great". Henry ordered the platter along with the suggested pairing of wine from the waitress. Turning back to Reba he could see she was still enamored with this cellar, he just watched her fascinated until she returned her gaze to his. He chuckled as the now familiar blush crept up her face, she was so easy to fluster, deciding to rescue her he remembered a something about this cellar that would be interesting to her, "So, fun fact this place has had many owners but one in particular would be of interest to you. In 1536 it was owned by Charles Brandon Duke of Suffolk." He laughed as he watched her react again. She was so expressive her eyebrow's were raised, her pink lips open again in surprise. Once she recovered she chuckled "Wow, its kind of impressive being able to be in places where my favorite character lived."

They talked about the weather for a bit, Reba expressing how happy she was that her characters had started talking again, Henry pleased that his project was back on track. Then they fell into a silence, both in thought when the food arrived. They both took their first bite of the Taleggio, Henry almost dropped his fork at the sound Reba emitted, he was sure due to her inexperience that it was an innocent sound but it caused his groin to stir.

She moaned again looking directly at Henry causing him to blush and more blood rushed to his groin. "This is so good Henry, I've never tasted this kind of cheese before." She smiled at him such an innocent smile. Dam I guess the tables have turned, his earlier attempts to arouse her had flipped. Trying to gather his thoughts and miss direct his growing problem he asked " So I know that your parents are Reba Fan's and I loved the description of them dancing in the living room. Can you tell me how you started writing?"

He watched as her face, became stressed taught, as she stared into the candle on their table. Guessing that it was a hard question he offered "It's ok if you don't want to talk about it, I guess its one of the first things people ask me when I'm in an interview. I can tell you mine while you think about it?" she smiled at him relief washing through her eyes as she whispered "Yes please". 

Thinking for a moment and seeing that her face was open and interested Henry began " Well, I went to boarding school as a kid, I didn't have a lot of mates so I spent a lot of time alone. It was ok, I actually didn't mind being on the outside. It gave me a different perspective, I could watch people and see how they behaved. I started getting involved with the drama group and found I really liked playing a part that wasn't me. One day we had a film come to use our school and Russell Crowe was acting in it. I was playing rugby at the time, when we were finished, I saw him and decided to ask him about acting as a career.

He was cool about it and even told me some real truths about how no one was going to give it to me, that I had to work hard for it. We talked a bit more until everyone else came up, so I stepped away. A few days later I got a gift basket from him, It, was unexpected with some stuff from His Rugby club and Australian food. But the thing that stuck with me was a photograph, written on it was "A Journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." So, I did I worked hard, got rejected a lot. Did some good tv like the Tutors but was mostly labelled as the unlucky actor as I came second on the James bond movie, and Superman returns. I just kept working hard, training hard and then along came Superman. That was when I went from an unknown actor to can't go out in public without a lot of thought and planning"

The whole time he was talking he was taking notice, watching the interest in her eyes the way her they never left his. She wasn't just letting him talk she was engaging with him as she responded "So, you learned to cope being not as outgoing or popular at school by becoming someone else?" he chuckled "I guess you can say that, I think a lot of Actors are like that. They find an outlet for their own preserved weakness by playing someone else."

She nodded in agreement "I think it's the same for writers, we use writing to make a statement or to live a life we might not have or to work through the pain of what we have experienced. I started writing in high school after a traumatic event. I'm not sure I can talk about it yet with you but maybe one day. It's one of the reasons you are the second male I've been intimate with. It made me seek control of my life and so I disappeared into writing. There I can control the environment, the people and the situations even if it's a bad situation I know the outcome so it’s still controlled."

His heart broke listening to the pain she was describing, unable to fully understand but still seeing the effect that the situation had been on her life. She chuckled softly then said "In fact you're the first person I've let myself be out of control with. I hope you can now see how much trust I've placed in your hands" Henry swallowed at this comment, that was a lot of responsibility she had laid on the table. There was a slight moment of panic that hit his stomach, what if he hurt her, what if he did something even without his knowledge that would cause her pain. He shut his eyes for a moment and when he reopened them her saw a hesitancy on her face.

"Sorry, that was a bit much wasn't it" she mumbled and started to fidget with her napkin. A feeling of wanting to protect her, to wrap her up in his arms and sooth the fear that he could see now creeping into her eyes overwhelmed him. He hadn't felt this way since, well he couldn't remember the last time. Shifting his seat so it was next to hers rather that opposite he put his arm across her shoulders.

He breathed softly as he whispered "Maybe for the first real date, but it’s in keeping with our coming together. Caring for a drunk stranger, spending the weekend with said stranger. I guess this is all unusual, but I am glad you told me. It helps me to know what is ok and what I need to tread carefully with. If I wasn't your biggest fan, if we didn't have this connection that makes me want to sooth your hurts away. It might have been too much. Instead I just want to give you a kiss, is that ok?" Her eyes glistened as Henry spoke, and she leaned into him allowing him to kiss her softly. Looking down at his watch and seeing the time he changed tactics. I would like to revisit this but if we don't leave now we will miss the next part of this evenings journey. She looked dazed until it registered what he was saying, snapping out of her mood she chuckled and nodded. He raised his hand calling for the waitress and asked for the bill.                   

Reba was exhilarated, the mood from their last conversation was overshadowed by the colourful lights and sound of the musical theatre show Six. Henry had walked her the 10 minutes to Theatreland and now they were seated in the middle row enjoying the modern pop music depicting the six wives of Henry the 8th. He was so sweet Reba thought looking over at his face. She could see the colours dancing off his stubbled jaw and shinning in his eyes. How thoughtful to make tonight all about the Tudors? She felt Henry's knee rubbing against hers, as his long legs bounced up and down in time to the music as the women on stage yelled out "Divorced, beheaded, divorced, died, beheaded, survived."

As the show progressed, she got lost in the new retelling of Henry the 8th wives. At one point she felt Henry place his hand on hers, his fingers caressing her hand, it was gentle and maybe an encouragement that all was ok.

Arm in arm again they walked out of the theatre "So what did you think?" Henry's deep voice asked as they headed out "I loved the energy, and the vocal performance was wonderful" Reba answered as she spotted the town car that was waiting for them. It was only 9:20pm but the noise and crowds of the theatre had exhausted her, the driver held the door open for Reba and Henry as they got inside.

The door shut and Reba needing to feel secure burrowed into Henry's side his arm moving to pull her into his chest. She felt the rumble of his voice as he asked, "Are you ok?" She hummed her hand resting on his thigh, "Yes but the crowds really took it out of me. Is it ok if we just go home and enjoy the rest of the night in the quiet?" He chuckled, lightly running his hand through her hair, "you took the words right out of my mouth. Do you mind however if we go back to my place? I have a special friend I would like you to meet" the last word she muttered before letting sleep overtake her was ok.

Reba was sitting in a garden, sounded by the most colourful flowers. In front of her was a little boy who would have been 8 months old, gingerly siting up on the picnic blanket they were sharing. His face was round and chubby and his startling blue eyes were sparkling with mirth as he giggled. She picked him up and his little hand reached out and grazed her cheek. "Reba, honey its time to wake up" she startled awake as Henry's hand brushed her cheek. "Where here" he said his sweet smile and gentle blue eyes coaxed her awake.

It took her a moment to take in her surrounding, the warm interior light of the car and the driver waiting by the door. The dream had been so real that this looked like a dream. Tucking the images in her heart she looked at Henry and gave a coy smile "Sorry" he chuckled at her as his warm hand helped her from the car.

She felt his warmth around her waist as he walked her up to his front door. Before he opened the door he looked at her and with a slight frown said "I didn't ask, are you ok with dogs?" she had grown up around dogs, little ones, big ones they hadn't phased her but it had been a long time since then. "I did when I was younger but it’s been awhile" humming to himself Henry turned the key and opened the door.

The place was beautifully decorated, walls were adorned with bookcases filled with many titles and pictures of his family. He led her into a living room and instructed her to sit before disappearing to another part of the house.

She sat there still sleep dazed the images of the little boy danced before her unable to shake his beautiful blue eyes. Then she heard the sound of an excited puppy dog greeting its master. She smiled, it sounded so happy. Henry's sure footsteps and the padded paws echoed from somewhere in the house as they got closer to the room.

Henry walked around to her with a beautiful dog on his lead. At Henry's command he sat looking at Reba eyeing the stranger that its master had bought home. "Reba I would like to introduce you to Kal, Kal this is Reba" feeling more awake and seeing in the look of pride on Henry's face how much this bear of a Dog meant to him she made a move.

Getting down on her knees on the rug they were now standing on she put her hand out and allowed Kal to sniff her. Then slowly the dog moved towards her and sniffed her arm as she whispered is a warm voice "Hi kal, aren't you a beautiful boy"

At the sound of her voice Kal's tail began to wag and he laid down, his head on her lap staring up at her. Reba scratched him behind his ear as she spoke to Henry not taking her eyes of the Black and white dog before her. "He's wonderful Henry, so gentle and kind" their was only silence as a response prompting her to look up to see a stunned Henry looking down at the pair. "Henry?" He shifted his gaze to hers as he snapped out of his shock "He's never done that before" he sat down next to her as she continued to massage Kal's head. "He mean's a lot to you doesn't he" she stated gagging his reaction. "Yes, he has been a true companion. He travels with me if he's allowed and stays with me in the trailers and hotels. He doesn't demand more than food, walks and cuddles. When it got really bad awhile ago he was my savior."

The soft look that crossed his face was so endearing to Reba it compelled her to reach up running her hand across his cheek. They locked eyes his asking silently for permission all she had to do was slowly blink before Henry lowered his lips to hers in a gentle kiss.

It was a delightfully slow kiss his tongue caressing her lower lip seeking entrance as she opened and allowed him to explore her mouth. This wasn't to hurried like the passionate kiss from the car at the beginning of the night, this was a gentle deep caress displaying to her his care. A wet nose nudged Reba's hand demanding that she resume her head scratching that had stopped. This caused her to chuckle into the kiss breaking the intimate moment. "I think Kal's jealous Henry" Reba whispered, as Henry looked down at his dog with a frown saying, "Hey buddy your meant to help me not hinder me".

Reba laughed at this comment a light full laugh that made Henry smile too. Feeling very comfortable on the floor but sensing she needed to find his bathroom soon she got up and asked "So where in this beautiful house can I go powder my nose?" she was pointed down the hall as Henry also rose "Whilst your doing that do you want a hot drink? Or a cold one?" he said, she thought for a moment and whilst moving in the direction he had pointed out said  "A hot tea would be good if you have any, herbal or just some hot water if you don't" she smiled at him before disappearing into the guest bath and loo.

They spent the evening on the couch snuggled into each other talking, before long she knew she would fall asleep. He seemed to notice this too and surprising her lifted her up in his arms, once over the surprise she snuggled into his warmth as he walked her down towards his bedroom. Placing her on the bed he walked to his closet and found an old t shirt and handed it to her. She looked up at him in thanks as she tried to feel for the zipper at the back of her dress.

A warm hand found it instead as he whispered "Let me help you with that" the feel of his hand grazing her back as he helped her remove her dress sent shivers up her spine. She turned to look up at him desire shinning in his eyes as she lent up and kissed his soft lips. The dress discarded on the ground his warm hands now engulfing her body as the emotion of the evening spilled into their kiss.

Next Chapter 8

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[sweet-xoxo-thatcares]

I took 3 painkillers today, and I still feel the burn from yesterday and earlier this morning from when I was listening to Reba.

Feels like a crow, who I thought meant restart, fresh new beginnings was gonna be my friend, my partner, cause she's seen death like me before.

But no, love.

Her brutal past steals creeps up on her and she was looking for somebody still dead.

I'm alive, but sometimes my legs don't wanna get out of bed and live. And not even a mere country song can help me get out of bed and face seeing my grandmother if I was to go back to her hometown today. Seeing her makes me shake, my shadows from the past, makes me weak. I wish I was dead, so I didn't have to feel any pain anymore.

Or want to feel a high, that causes me pain and grief later. I worry I might take the last shipment of morphine they gave my grandmother right before she passed and take a droplet of it myself.

Knowing that death could happen if I went too close. Over the edge. Over the bottom of what they recommended her to go to sleep. Numb her down, so she didn't have to feel anything as the cancer ate her alive. I've never been in pain like that and I never want to fall in love again.

If it makes me this mad, this angry, this crazy, this selfish, this careless, this delusional person who believes every single thing, big or small, that that person says to me while they try to use me for sex, have their way with telling me how I should spend my life, my time, throw away my hard earned money for them to survive off of me and I should take them away from their struggles and treat them like a grown woman who lives like a child. Doesn't wanna clean up after themselves, doesn't want kids, doesn't have a job, doesn't want a job, wants to just be a stay at home bitch, who gets to sleep all day, play video games and not do shit. take your selfish ass someplace else cause i will not mourn over someone who isn't worthy. But worries me because you remind me wayyyyy tooo much of how my ex still sounded as she talked to me about how it was to be traumatized and wanted someone to take take care of them like a mom. I'm not your mom and I'm not your dad. I wouldn't dare hurt another child physically or emotionally or even mentally cause I TOLD YOU I KNOW HOW THAT FEEEEELLLLSSSS

WHY WOULD I DO THE SAME THING TO YOU THAT I TOLD YOU THAT I WAS SCARED ABOUT YOU DOING TO ME.

YOU NEGLECTED ME WITHOUT EVER TRUSTING THAT I WOULD NEVER HURT YOU THE SAME WAY YOUR FAMILY HAD DONE YOU WRONG

AND I DIDN'T TRUST THAT YOU WOULD BE ABLE TO TAKE CARE OF ME THE SAME WAY I USED TO LAY DOWN IN JAY'S LAP.

But I never wanted you to push me off the way that she did. But you did it anyway.

You hurt me by pushing me away the exact same way that she did to me and it broke me.

You hit me right in the same spot. I never expected you to do that. Cause you were wayyy nicer to me. We talked all day together and you even stayed on the phone with me during video chat all night, even as we fell asleep. I've never been so happy to have seen such dedication to be so emotionally intimate with someone and I was even reconsidering pushing my 1 yr of dating requirement before moving in, to maybe a month or 6 days. Cause I wondered, was I tripping because I was gay or am I the person doing something wrong I know I should rethink about

Cause you was like riding a motorcycle. Your head wasn't all the way straight or safe to say, but you sure as hell felt safe enough to leave my stuff with at home for a while. I don't know why it happened like that so easily but it was cause your door was open. And you were emotionally available without any catches. I didn't have to suck your dick. I didn't know if you had q gun or still did drugs, you told me everything straight up. You even asked all my questions when I was sure that yo ass was scamming me because there's no way in hell somebody would leave their home to come live with me and stay my girlfriend and not just stay, but cook for me sometimes, take care of me if I was emotionally distraught from work, you were here and that's what made it great. I talk to you whenever and not be judged for asking you hey hru or feel isolated like Jay made me feel because they always made me feel bad by being rude, mean, nasty disrespectful just for asking them "hey hru" when they were at work. And Mike was silly, when I mentioned going to some beach park that we could go to, he said you know I'm not gonna have as much free time, so I'm gonna be busy alot more." Like he was basically trying to let me down with a no, like damn I can't plan a day trip for us to go to one weekend? And you're so called on date 2 and you wanna date me seriously?

I hate that I miss Athena. But I miss the titanic saving me. I miss all the free time, texting, talking, and calling. The movie nights, the bdsm, the sex, the rough play, the birthday sex. The part where we say I love you and we have beautiful romantic sex together cause I never got it yet even as a virgin and with my 1st actual boyfriend or my actual 1st girlfriend, but 2nd relationship.

Nobody's

Nobody 's Giving Me real love, real show of effort, real time, quality time, and I'm sick of crying over low effort bitches who act like they can't afford to care about the person their planning to fall in love with and invest their time into long term. I'm tired of fake bitches who give me what I ask for and look for, really having Me attach to them. Then leave me hanging.

Like that bitch basically ghosted me and I can't stand to understand why was it so easy for me to fall for it and invest my heart into her just so I could come back down to reality for my head to say "I told you so"

Ughhh fuck my life. And fuck you Jay,Ayunna, Athena Charles, Terrell, Tatyana, and Mike.

I hate you all.

Thanks for making me nuts. Thanks for making me numb, love bombing me, and leaving me dry.

[tcm]

Rediscovering Bob Hope by Susan King

I once turned down Bob Hope’s offer to take a piece of his pumpkin pie. It was a week after Thanksgiving in 1991. I had been dispatched by my editor at the Los Angeles Times to interview the comic legend, then 88, for his upcoming Christmas special on NBC, Bob Hope’s Cross-Country Christmas, which featured Macaulay Culkin, Reba McEntire, Miss America and the Associated Press All-America Team (football).

Hope had been with the Peacock network for 54 years at that time and he had been doing holiday specials for them since 1953.

All press interviews took place at his famed mansion in Toluca Lake in a Vermont Country Store-decorated family room that overlooked his expansive backyard which was spread over several acres. Lunch was served during the 30-minute interview. Though he was extremely hard of hearing, Hope refused to wear his hearing aids. So, interviewers were placed on his left side at the table because his hearing was better in that ear.

We were served a delicious warm chicken salad with bacon. But the highlight of the meal was a pumpkin pie with warm homemade whipped cream. All conversation stopped while we ate the heavenly dessert. Hope still had once piece left when he forked it and proffered it to me.

“I’ll give it to you for 25 cents,” he said laughing. I didn’t have any change, so I politely turned down the offer. He smiled as he popped the piece into his mouth.

Most baby boomers like myself grew up with Hope. I remember my mother taking me at the age of five to see his last good movie, 1960’s THE FACTS OF LIFE, which also starred Lucille Ball. And on early Sunday evenings, one of the TV stations had a Bob Hope/Bing Crosby Theater, which featured their slaphappy Road comedies (1942’s THE ROAD TO MOROCCO is my fav), as well as such solo Hope hits as 1940’s THE GHOST BREAKERS and 1949’s SORROWFUL JONES, with Ball. And in the 1960s, Hope’s NBC specials, especially the ones where he entertained the troops, were must-see viewing. 

When I was old enough to finally see the Academy Awards, I found him the perfect Oscar host. In fact, he would host the ceremony 19 times either solo or as part of a team. Though he always joked that he was never nominated for an Oscar, he actually received four honorary Oscars as well as the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award.

But the quality of his movies dropped drastically in the 1960s. I remember sitting in horror in the theater during 1966’s BOY, DID I GET A WRONG NUMBER! and 1967’s EIGHT ON A LAM. And I rarely watched his specials from the 1970s on. He seemed out of touch and too conservative. Hope’s once fun shows seemed wheezy.

When I talked to Richard Zoglin for the L.A. Times in 2014 about his biography, Hope: Entertainer of the Century, he noted that the comic alienated viewers during the Vietnam War.

“He was so sure that we were doing a good thing over there in Vietnam,” he said. “He had been convinced by the generals he met over there that the military was being hamstrung by politicians and if we went all out, we would win this war in a couple of months. He hated that there were protesters out there picketing. He was from the World War II generation. He started speaking out. He would bad-mouth picketers.”

Hope died July 27, 2003, just two months after his 100th birthday. There haven’t been any major retrospectives of his classic films. In fact, the Bob Hope Airport has been renamed the Hollywood Burbank Airport. (Its legal name is still Bob Hope Airport). In a 2016 interview with the L.A. Times, Burbank commissioner Don Brown said that “Bob Hope isn’t doing it. We’ve been told by our travel agencies here and been told by the airlines that we’ve got to do something, and the name Bob Hope just doesn’t identify with this airport.”

I think it would be great if the new decade started with a rediscovery of Hope, who not only conquered film, but vaudeville, Broadway, radio and television. And he was the complete package. Not only was he funny, but he could sing and dance.

Even before he made his feature film debut in 1938’s THE BIG BROADCAST OF 1938, he had starred on Broadway in 1933’s Roberta. Hope and Eve Arden introduced the standard “I Can’t Get Started (with You)” in Ziegfeld Follies of 1936, and he and Ethel Merman turned Cole Porter’s “It’s De-Lovely” into a major hit in 1936’s RED, HOT AND BLUE. “Thanks for the Memory,” the Oscar-winning song from his first film, became Hope’s signature song and a decade later he introduced the Oscar-winner “Buttons and Bows” from his hysterically funny 1948 farce, THE PALEFACE.

Hope really came into his own with the 1939 mystery-comedy THE CAT AN THE CANARY with Paulette Goddard. It was the first time he played what would become his on-screen persona of the brash, wisecracking coward who loved women. Woody Allen later admitted his reel-life character was inspired by Hope.

Hope told me in 1991 that he had been offered a return to Broadway after he came to Hollywood, but “I got lucky after my third picture, THE CAT AND THE CANARY. I turned into box office. When Cat and the Canary came out (people) started running to the theaters. Then Paramount ran over to my dressing room with a contract for seven years. So, I signed up for seven years.” He made one hit after another in the 1940s and 1950s.

“They were not great films, but Hope is great in them,” Zoglin told me. “You can see how focused he is as a performer, how in character he is all the time. He’s good physically, and verbally he’s absolute perfection.

Film and TV historian Stan Taffel also explained to me in 2014 that Hope was as “perfect as Chaplin was. He knew where the camera was, and he knew how to pose for the camera. He didn't take his character so seriously, so we could have fun with it. I think his movies in that era are the best things he ever did.”

Save for the wan 1962 THE ROAD TO HONG KONG, the Road comedies with Crosby and Dorothy Lamour are perhaps his finest achievements. The comedic chemistry between the three is hard to match. Hope noted in my interview that he and Crosby had no idea that 1940’s THE ROAD TO SINGAPORE would kick off a successful franchise. “We didn’t care,” he said. “We used to do anything for a laugh. After about a week [into production], the director, Victor Schertzinger, went into the commissary and sat down at the table and said, ‘I got the easiest job, all I have to do with these guys is say ‘Start.’ But I don’t want to say ‘Stop.’ It was fun.”

The last time I saw Hope in person was at the taping of the special Bob Hope: The First 90 Years in early May, 1993, executive produced by his daughter Linda Hope. The special would go on to win the Emmy for Outstanding Variety, Musical or Comedy Special.

It was an extraordinary evening. I was at the front table with Karl Malden ad his wife and Telly Savalas and his wife. Les Brown and His Band of Renown was to my left. Michael Feinstein and George Burns were sitting behind me. Lamour was at a nearby table and so was Ginger Rogers. I looked to my right and saw President Gerald Ford sitting with Walter Cronkite.

Johnny Carson, who had retired from The Tonight Show opened the special in what would be his last monologue. He told the crowd that it was “astonishing” how much Hope had accomplished over his near seven-decade career, adding that the world is a “better and happier” place with Hope in our lives.

There wasn’t a dry eye int the house when veterans of several wars talked about what it meant to them when Hope came during the conflicts to entertain them.

Back in 1991, I asked if he would ever retire.

He smiled: “Not as long as I feel good. It is too much fun. God, you just have fun just doing things with people. You have fun writing. …It keeps your mind alert and keeps you thinking.”

[artificialqueens]

Stitch Us Back Together, Chapter 2 Aftermath (Kamasia) - Crazy4Kameron

A/N:As always a huge thank you goes out to my ride and die Mistress for helping make sense of these two useless lesbians. Cheetah for supporting all of my dumb ideas and helping take them from one shot ideas to multi part fics and finally Mac for loving Klair as much as I do, and always supporting my work.

Summary:Previously Kam and Asia decided to take a sewing class together taught by Asia’s idol. In an attempt to get Asia to enter a design contest Kam goes behind Asia’s back and it backfires horribly in her face.Now get to see the aftermath of their fight, but will they be able to patch things up?

The first thing Kameron did when she finally made it back to her car, after calling Asia her Lyft, was call Blair to tell her what happened. She was weeping as soon as her sister asked what was wrong.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do Blair.” Kameron sniffled. “I fucked everything up, and now she hates me.” Kameron completely broke at this point, tears and snot streaming down her face.

“Kameron baby, I don’t know exactly what happened, but I’m pretty sure that Asia doesn’t hate you. Just try to calm down and breathe, we can talk about it more when you get home. Why don’t you put on your calming playlist and I’ll stay on the line with you till you feel better.“  Blair did her best to use the most soothing tone she could. She knew that was what Kameron needed most when she got like this. Blair knew that Kameron had heard her, when she heard the familiar sounds of Reba MacIntyre playing over the speakers of Kameron’s car. They sat in silence for a while, Blair quietly singing along with the song and when she heard that her sister had stopped sobbing and sniffling as much she spoke.

"How are you doing? You think you’re okay to drive home now?” It would have been almost condescending her tone if it hadn’t been for the fact that Blair had years of practice calming her sister. Knowing that sometimes she needed to talk to her like she was a child.

“Yeah, I’ll be home in, uh, eleven minutes,” Kam stated, checking the clock in her car. Her voice was still a little wobbly, but stronger than before.

Blair knew that Kam would be alright to drive home when she heard her softly singing along to  Shaina Twain playing in the background so she said her goodbyes and hung up, but went to the front door to wait and watch for her sister’s car.

—-

Kameron was laying facedown on Blair’s bed crying into a pillow, Blair gently rubbing her back. “How could I have been so stupid, to think that was a good idea?” Kameron hiccupped.

“Babe, you were just following your heart and doing what you thought was best.” Blair gently tucked a piece of hair behind one of Kam’s ears. “ Even if I did try and warn you,” Blair said under her breath.

“The last time I followed my heart, it turned me into the school laughing stock. Asia was the first and only girl to ever really like me back and I ruined it!” Kameron jammed her face back into the pillow as she began to bawl her eyes out again.

Blair just kept rubbing soothing circles into her sister’s back, the only thing she could really do at this point. She had learned over the years that when Kameron was like this the best thing to do was just let her cry it out for a bit. Then she could maybe talk some sense into her. Blair had tried to warn Kameron (ahead of time) that perhaps, stealing your girlfriend’s personal belongings and going behind her back, no matter how justified your motives may seem, was probably a bad idea. But she knew that Kameron needed to learn, and do things for herself.

“Okay, get up. You’ve cried about this and felt bad for long enough. You messed things up, now you’re going to figure out a way to fix them.” Blair stood at the end of her bed, hands on her hips with a look of determination.

Kameron whimpered “But, but, but–”

“NO BUTS!” Blair threw a teddy bear at Kameron’s head. ”Now get up.”

“HEY! God, okay, I’m getting up.” she moaned, rubbing her head where the teddy bear had connected. “No need to get violent. I thought Princess Fairy Star was a good Magical girl?” Kameron smirked as she chucked the stuffed animal back at Blair.

Blair quickly put her arms up to deflect the flying object. “I told you to never call me that again! And just cause I’m good doesn’t mean I can’t use force,” she sneered.

“Okay there… Princess Fairy Star.” Kameron mocked, as she threw a stuffed duck at Blair, hitting her square in the face. Kameron’s hands flew to her face to try and suppress giggles.

Blair only glared at the redhead, who was now full-on laughing.

“I’m glad you’re at least smiling now,” Blair admitted haughtily. “But can we please try and come up with a plan to show your girlfriend how sorry your dumbass is?”  

The sisters spent the rest of the night talking about why Kameron’s plan had failed and brainstorming exactly how she could possibly make it up to Asia.

The next day Kameron awoke and checked her phone, and was again reminded of the mistake she had made the night before. There was no good morning text from Asia like there normally would be, only a few late-night texts from a tipsy Vanjie telling her that she was going to be later for work than normal and ‘culd u bring coffe in da mornin, I’ll owe u.’

Kameron laid in bed a little longer than normal, not really wanting to get up today. She hadn’t felt like this in a long time. She was contemplating calling in sick for work, when she heard a knocking at her door. “Come in.”  rolling her eyes to herself, Kameron let out a sigh, knowing that her plan of calling in sick was not going to happen.

Blair slowly opened the door only enough to stick her head in, “Hey Kam, how ya feeling this morning?”

Kameron put on the most reassuring smile she could muster at that moment before answering, “There was no good morning text, I don’t really know what I expected, but it still hurt to see.” Kameron was looking at her phone like it held answers to questions she didn’t know she needed answered.” I guess it’s what I deserve though, after what I did.”

Blair opened the door all the way and went to sit on the end of the bed, ”Just give her some time, we talked about this last night remember?” Kameron nodded her head.

“I could let you sit in bed all day and sulk, but like the good sister that I am I’m kicking your ass out of bed and forcing you to go to work.” Blair then ripped the covers off of Kameron. ”Up, shower, get dressed, I’ll make breakfast.”

Kameron groaned in response as she rolled out of bed. How anyone could seem that chipper and happy so early in the morning was still a mystery to her.

——

Asia arrived at work the same time she always did. As she went about her normal daily routine of opening the complex, something felt wrong, or maybe not wrong, but unquestionably strange. She knew that day might be a little different, due to her fight with Kameron, but she didn’t think that it would affect her this much.

When she got home last night, she was met by Monét and Nina curled up on the living room couch, eating popcorn and watching Jeopardy.

“You’re home early. How was the class?” Monét asked, hearing the front door open, Asia grumbling under her breath while fighting to get her keys out of the door, that she slammed shut once she had succeeded. That was followed by the loud thudding of Asia kicking her shoes off, which led Monét to the conclusion that things were about to get ugly.

“You’re lucky your girlfriend is here, or I’d ream your ass out for what you did!” Asia snarled as she went to her room, and slammed the door.

“I’m guessing things didn’t go well tonight,” Nina said, removing herself from her girlfriend. “You should maybe go and talk to her.”

“Do I have to talk to her right now?” Monét asked, trying her best to give puppy eyes, hoping that it would help her cause.

“Yes. Now Monét.” Nina pointed towards the hallway, “And when you get back from talking to her, I may have a treat for you.” Nina winked, kissing Monét on the cheek before sending her off.  

“Knock knock,” Monét said knocking on the door, before opening it a little. “Can I come in?”

“What do you want?” Asia sneered. Laying on her bed, she refused to look up from the book she was pretending to read.

“So I’m guessing you didn’t like the surprise that Kameron had for you?” Monét sheepishly asked from the doorway.

“No Monét I did not!” Asia’s voice was low with contempt. ”It actually almost ruined our entire relationship if you must know. Now I’m tired, can you please just leave me alone.” Asia huffed out, completely defeated by the day.

Monét rolled her eyes, thinking that Asia was being a little over dramatic about the whole situation.“You know how much Kameron cares about you, and that she would never do anything to ruin your relationship. At least not on purpose.” Monét began to cross the room, to join Asia on her bed. “Anyone can see the way that she looks at you, like you actually put the stars in the sky, just for her.”

“You think I don’t know how much my girlfriend cares about me? You think I don’t know that she feels bad about what happened. You didn’t have to watch the tears streaming down her face, while she apologized for what she did. I know that she’s sorry, but she went behind my back and betrayed my trust, I can’t just forgive her for that.“ Asia could feel all the emotions that she had been trying to keep at bay, bubbling to the top, ready to explode. She took a deep breath before continuing, “Look girl, I am just done with today okay? I’m pissed that YOU gave Kameron those sketches in the first place, what you were thinking is beyond me. I’m torn between being mad at Kameron for going behind my back, and touched that she went through all the effort for me. And most of all I’m hurting cause the one person that I want to share my feelings with so I can figure this out, is the person that is causing all these feelings in the first place.” Asia finally lost her will to keep her emotions at bay and buried her face into her hands, as tears began to roll down her cheeks. Suddenly there was a weight on the bed, and arms wrapped around Asia’s shoulders.

“It’ll all work out, sweetheart. You just need to give yourself some time.” As she looked up Asia realized that Nina was the one sitting next to her. Nina must have realized Asia’s confusion, and quickly added, “ Sorry, I heard the yelling and came to make sure that you two weren’t trying to kill each other. When I saw you crying I just couldn’t leave you without giving you a hug.”

“Thank you, Nina.” Asia sniffled. How the hell Monét ended up with someone as sweet and compassionate as Nina was still beyond Asia.  

“Are you going to be alright?” Nina questioned.

“Ya I’ll be fine, go enjoy the rest of the night with your girl.” Asia leaned back against her pillows wiping the tears from her face with the back of her hand, before picking her book back up.  

———

“Twenty minutes late, not bad Vanj.” Kameron held out the iced coffee in her hand to the shorter Latina girl sluggishly making her way in Kameron’s direction.

“I told your ass last night I was going to be late this morning.” Vanjie grabbed the coffee, lifting her sunglasses slightly and wincing at the brightness of the sun.

“Well, I figured since you were partying, with Silky and Akeria I’d be finding someone to cover your morning class or cancelling it.” Kameron could only giggle at the look that Vanjie was now giving her. “Wouldn’t be the first time.“  

“Yeah well when your girl, text you for a booty call cause she knows your ass has work in the morning, you don’t party that hard.”

“Oh, so I have your girlfriend to thank for you only being 20 minutes late today.” Kameron snickered.

“Well I’d have been earlier, but I had to repay her for last night, this morning.” Vanjie winked.

“Okay gross, I really don’t want to hear about your weird, kinky sex life.” Kameron fake shuddered and made a face in disgust.

“Whatever hoe, I know you got a secret freaky side, I’m sure you only bring out for Asia.” Vanjie laughed, wiggling her eyebrows and shoving Kameron’s shoulder.

“My sex life is none of your business. Can we please just go to work?” Kameron asked, opening the door and motioning for Vanjie to enter.

By this point Kameron had almost forgotten about the fight she had had with Asia the night before, that was until Vanjie began steering them towards the front of the complex. They were walking arms locked like they normally did, Vanjie’s tiny legs pulling Kameron along, when suddenly Kameron saw Asia and instead of lighting up with a smile the way she normally would, she froze in place with a sense of dread running over her.

Everything that had happened the night before flooded her mind and instantly a look of fear and worry painted themselves on her face. The sudden stop, made Vanessa do a 180-degree spin on one foot.

"Why the hell, you…” Vanjie suddenly noticed that Kameron looked spooked, and stopped herself from giving Kameron shit for almost ripping her arm out of the socket. “ Wow Kam, what’s wrong? You look like you just saw a ghost or something."

"I can’t go upfront today Vanj. Can we just go to the gym?” Kam asked in a soft and shaky voice.

“Uuhh, yeah. But do you mind maybe explaining to me, why you don’t want to go and see your girl, like every other day. And lookin like death is waitin for you up there?”

Kameron could only stand there and stare at Asia from the shadows and pray that Asia couldn’t see them. When Vanjie realized who Kameron was staring at things began to make a little more sense.

"So like, did you guys fight or something?” The shorter girl asked, when Kameron hadn’t spoken. Nodding her head was the only answer that Kameron could give, words utterly failing her. “Did she hurt you? Cause I will kick her ass if she broke your heart.”

Kameron scoffed, and shook her head no in response. “No, I broke my own heart.”

“Why don’t we go to the gym babe and you can tell me what happened.” Vanjie wrapped her arm around Kameron and slowly began to direct them towards the safety of the gym. Somewhere that Asia would never go if it wasn’t to see Kameron, somewhere that she knew the weeping redheaded girl would feel safe.

It took Vanjie and the other girls who worked at the gym a while to calm Kameron down enough, for her to be able to fully explain the situation. Thankfully, the gym didn’t open for a while, so they had time to spare.

“I was so stupid.” Kameron sniffled as Plastique handed her a kleenex from the desk.

“Babe, you ain’t stupid for wanting to show your girl some love.” Vanjie wrapped her arm around Kameron’s shoulders reassuringly. “ Look I do stupid shit all the time that pisses Brooke off.”

“That’s cause you’re an idiot, who never learns.” Yvie chimed in.

“I can’t help it, I’m a hopeless romantic, but no one asked you anyways, Yvie. You don’t even work here, so why are you here?” Vanjie sassed.

“I happened to be dropping off Scar, when I saw you bring in Kameron and thought that I’d stay to see what the tears were about.”

“She’s so caring about other people.” Scarlet beamed.

“I’d say it’s more like being nosy, than caring.” Vanjie rolled her eyes in Yvie’s direction.

“Guys, can we please focus.” Plastique urged, motioning towards a sobbing Kameron.

“Yeah, Yvie don’t you have better places to be? Can’t you see we trying to help our girl, who’s in emotional distress.” Vanjie questioned, her patience wearing thin her attitude making itself known.  

“Nope. Think I’ll stay right here and help you find a way for Kameron to get Asia back.” Yvie sneered, making Vanjie’s back straighten like she was getting primed for a fight.  

Plastique could feel the tension and knew that she needed to step in and change the subject. Something that Kameron would have normally done, but was currently in no state to have to deal with. “So I was thinking that it would be so romantic if maybe you just filled the info desk with flowers.”

“Oh my God! Yeah, and heart balloons!” Scarlet added, a bright beaming smile lighting up her face.

“What’cha ya think, pretty romantic right, mami?” Vanjie asked, making sure that her friend was still present in their current conversation and not just wallowing in self-pity. Kameron nodded her head and seemed to perk up a little bit.

“You could even get a banner made that says Sorry I’m an idiot,” Yvie threw in, for good measure knowing that Vanjie was already about to snap.

Vanjie did her best to ignore all of Yvie’s comments, and focus her attention on her friend who needed her the most right now. “Don’t listen to her Kam, she wouldn’t know romance if it hit her in the face.”  Vanjie squeezed Kameron reassuringly, whispering in her ear, “plus she’s dating Scarlet, which is basically like dating your dog.”

Kameron went from sobbing to laughing, but the noises that she was making hadn’t really changed, but the smile on her face let Vanjie know different.

“Nah, too many people with allergies around here. Plus how the hell you going to get into the complex when Asia the one that opens the doors every morning? I say ya rent an orchestra to stand outside her apartment building and play Love me Anyways by Pink,” Vanjie announced. “Or maybe ‘Please Forgive Me’ by Bryan Adams would be better.”

“Yeah I’m so sure that working here, Kameron makes enough money to rent an orchestra, or fill the front lobby with flowers and balloons.” snided Yvie, rolling her eyes at the outlandish suggestions. “Not that they weren’t thoughtful ideas.” Yvie quickly added, seeing that Scarlet had started to pout, which quickly put a smile on the girl’s face.

“Okay, I have seriously had enough of you and your mouth!” Vanjie was promptly standing next to Kameron, making her way towards Yvie.

Kameron instantaneously was on her feet, putting a hand on Vanjie’s chest to hold her back, ”Sit down, NOW!” Kameron had heard enough of their ridiculous suggestions, and bickering. Vanjie slowly sat back down in her chair. “I DO NOT want to sit here and listen to you bicker like children. So if you don’t have something constructive to say, KEEP YOUR DAMN MOUTH SHUT!” Kameron yelled, anger burning in her eyes, hand balled into a fist at her side.

Without thinking the words, just escaped Vanjie’s mouth ‘Damn Asia was right when she said it’s hot when Kam gets angry.”  Instantly her hand flew up to cover her mouth, as Kameron whipped around, eyes wide before glaring death beams at the loud-mouthed girl.

“Good job, Vanjie. Way to piss off Kameron when she needs us the most. Couldn’t just keep your mouth shut and your legs closed for once.” Plastique playfully remarked. “You still got a boner for Kam or something?”

“Shut your whore mouth, Plastique!” the small Latina girl erupted. “The only feelings I have for Kameron are friend related! How dare you try to insin-u-ate that I ain’t faithful.”

Kameron was already at her limit and didn’t want to sit here and listen to anymore of this stupidity. She needed some air and maybe a cigarette. God, why did I have to quit smoking? She thought, taking one last look around at her friends, arguing like children, “God, you’re all useless.” she breathed under her breath, then stormed out of the gym, leaving everyone confused.

“Geez, what’s her problem?” Scarlet wondered. “We were trying to help her and she just stormed off for like no reason. Seems pretty rude if you ask me.”  

Everyone just stared at the appropriately named scarlet haired girl, who seemed completely clueless as to what just happened. “I’ll explain it to you later babe,” Yvie said, kissing the top of Scarlet’s head.

—————–

Kameron took the last inhale of a cigarette she had bummed off someone walking by, relishing in the familiar sting. She let out a dry cough before putting the butt out on the brick wall she was leaning against. She was trying to calm her nerves after having to sit and listen to those idiots, when she heard a familiar voice.

"I thought you quit smoking cigarettes?” The voice came from a lean blonde walking up holding a gym bag on one shoulder and pulling her sunglasses down with the other. She stepped off the pavement and into the shade of the building.

Kameron quickly recognized her old friend. “And I thought that getting up before noon was against everything you stand for?” She couldn’t stop the half-smile that pulled at her mouth. She straightened up to greet Nicky with some more enthusiasm.

The blonde pouted in vague disgust. “Yeah well when two of your co-workers start fucking like rabbits and decide to go on vacation, you get scheduled to do the early shifts.” She rolled her eyes.

“Welcome to the adult world of having to get up early and be responsible.” Sarcasm dripped from Kameron’s every word.

“WOW!“ Nicky’s eyes widened in faux-shock, her free hand going to her chest. "Since when have you been such a bitch?” She demanded with a smirk

Kameron let out a deep sigh and rubbed her forehead, hoping to smooth out some of the stress-creases. “Look, the past twenty-four hours have been shit, and my…” She stated pointing towards the building behind her “loving, yet useless coworkers-slash-friends haven’t made things any easier.” She barely paused before grunting and declaring “God I need another cigarette.”

As Kameron stood leaning with her head back in what seemed utter defeat, Nicky saw for the first time how tired and stressed Kam really looked. She could only imagine what had happened to make the normally perky and happy girl look so worn down.

This was not her friend.

Nicky took on a more serious tone. “Okay first of all, does Asia know you’re smoking again?”

Kameron scoffed and rolled her eyes. “It wouldn’t matter anyway!” Her tone was worryingly dry, prompting another cough.. “Since I fucked everything up, and those idiots can only think of the most useless rom-com ways to try and fix it.”

Nicky slung her bag off her shoulder and approached the wall Kameron had gone back to leaning on. “Woah woah woah hold up. Start from the beginning and explain to me, how you of all people, could fuck anything up with Asia.” Nicky gave a slight shake of her head. “The girl worships you – all you have to do is make puppy dog eyes at her and you get literally anything that you want.”

“Yeah well when you go behind your girlfriends back and have her roommate steal her sketches so that you can show them to her idol, thinking that it might change her mind to magically enter some contest that she had told you like a hundred times that she didn’t want to enter. All because I thought that I was being sweet and supportive and pushing her outside her boundaries, the way she does for me…” Kameron dragged her fingers through her hair, getting snagged on tangles. “It kinda fucks things up."

Nicky let a beat pass to make sure Kameron was done talking. “That is quite the story.” She nodded before taking a deep breath, ”But do you want to know what I got from all that?”

Kameron only shrugged, unsure of what else she could do at this point.

“You care enough about Asia to want to do something above and beyond for her,” Nicky said. “And if you’re willing to do that for her, then you’re not just going to sit on your ass and mope around, waiting for her to forgive you. Plus what are you going to do if Asia decides to come and talk to you?”

“Asia won’t come and talk to me right now, especially if she’s still mad. We also know when to give each other space to cool off, though we’ve never had a fight this big before, so I’m not sure how much space we’ll be needing. But you’re right, I’m not just going to sit on my perfectly toned ass and wait for Asia to forgive me..” perking up, Kameron stood a little taller. “I’m going to make sure she knows just how important she is to me.”

“Of course I’m right, but good for you girl."  Nicky was suddenly shoved by her shoulder.  “Now the question is, what are you going to do to get her back?”

“That’s a good question.” Kameron suddenly deflated a little, remembering that she still had no idea what she was going to do to prove to Asia how sorry she really was.

Nicky grabbed Kameron’s hand and squeezed, “Don’t worry babe. I’ve got you. So this is what you’re going to do if you want to prove that you’ll never make the same mistake again….”

———–

It was finally time for Asia to take her lunch break. Something she normally would have looked forward to, as Kameron normally took her break at the same time so they could eat together. It was strange sitting in the back office alone. The silence almost too much for Asia to handle. The constant ticking of the clock on the wall, reminding her of every minute that had gone by that day without seeing Kameron. It made her wonder how much longer she would have to go before she got to see her again, speak to her. Apologize for the things she had said. She didn’t mean to take things so far, she was just taken off guard and was already stressed about making her piece look perfect for Binaca. Asia knew that Kameron and her needed space to figure things out, she just hoped that Kameron wasn’t so upset that she never wanted to see or speak to her again.

Asia had been sitting at the table staring at her untouched food, having lost her appetite sometime ago. Her stomach doing somersaults at the thought of losing Kameron. Thoughts that were all so new and scary. Feelings Asia had never experienced over anyone before. She decided that since she wasn’t going to eat and needed to break the silence she would call one of her friends. Without thinking she picked up her phone, went through her contacts and hit the call button. It rang 3 times before there was an answer.

“Hey, girl.” Jaida’s voice was slightly more upbeat than Asia was used too.

“Hey, how are you? Anything new happening?” Asia tried to play off the call, like it wasn’t completely strange for her to call her friend in the middle of the day.

“What’s wrong?” was Jaida’s only response.  

“How do you know that anything is wrong?” Asia asked

“Look, you know as well as I do that you did not call me on, I’m guessing your lunch break, to ask me about my life. Now tell me what’s wrong?”

“So Kameron and me got into a fight last night. Like a really big fight.” Asia let out a sigh.

“Uh Huh.” was all Jaida said waiting for Asia to continue.

“And like, I said some things that I really didn’t mean cause I was mad and hurt and lashing out. I really wanted to tell her how sorry I am today, but I haven’t seen her yet and I’m scared that she hates me now. I want to give her space but I also want to apologize to her and text message just seems like it’s not good enough for this kind of situation.” Asia’s words spilled out like an emotional dam breaking open.

“Uh Huh. So you were an idiot with your head up your ass, when all your girlfriend was trying to do was help and support you and now you could be losing the best thing that ever happened to you? Is that correct?” Jaida asked.

Asia blinked. “How did you get that from what I said?”

“First of all, answer the question.” Asia muttered a yes before Jaida continued. “Second, Monét called me earlier to give me a heads up about the situation at hand. I guess she figured you might call me to try and figure out how to fix this little mess.”

“I’m so glad that my roommate has a habit of going behind my back.” Asia snarled.

“Don’t be getting mad at Monét for trying to be a good friend. I know you hate it when people get involved in your personal life, but sometimes it’s for the best. So pull your head out your ass and take the support and help that people are trying to give you. Stop trying to do everything on your own.” Jaida snapped.

“Yeah I know that maybe I can be a little bit overly independent, but–”  

“No buts!” Jaida interjected. “You gotta learn to take help, even if you’re not asking for it. Which reminds me. Monét also said that Bianca gave you her business card.” Jaida’s voice morphed from stern concerned mom to excited teenager.

“Yeah, but I don’t know if I’m going to call her.” Asia sounded defeated. “I already told her that I wanted to put out a line of my own without havin’ to work under anyone.”

Jaida rolled her eyes, even though she knew Asia couldn’t see her, “Child, what did I just get done telling you about gettin’ your head out your ass and taking help when it’s offered. When do you think you will ever get another opportunity like this again? You think THE Bianca del Rio is just going to wait for YOU to decide that YOU’RE ready to work with her? NO!!!”

Asia had to take the phone away from her ear for fear of going deaf, “Okay okay, I get it alright. I’ll call her when I’m done with work. I promise..”

“Child you better. Or I’ll have to drive two hours to come whoop your ass.” Jaida’s normal attitude had returned. Asia could almost see every action that went along with Jaida’s voice. She snickered under her breath  

“Calling Bianca isn’t going to fix things with Kameron though,” Asia’s voice wavered. Jaida could almost see Asia nervously fiddling with the rings on her fingers.

“Look I understand wanting to give Kam some space at this point, but the only way to fix this is to talk to her. You’re going to have to talk to her at some point.”

“I hate to say this, but I know you’re right..” Asia sighed deeply, the admission almost painful.  ”It’s just I’ve never felt like this about anyone before and that shit scares the hell out of me. Saying I’m sorry just doesn’t feel like enough,.” Asia let out heaving breath, her feelings truly getting the best of her. She never knew how draining all of these emotions could be, until she was forced to confront them head-on. Asia was finally getting a taste of what it must be like everytime Kameron had even the smallest of anxiety attacks. The older girl made a mental note to tell Kameron that she really understands what she goes through now.

“I know that this is some scary shit, but telling her that you’re sorry really is a good place to start.” Jaida was silent for a moment before adding, ”Maybe get her talking to you again before you just throw all of these extra feelings at her. Chiiiild, Lord knows how easily Kameron gets overwhelmed.”

“So I guess I should just text her and see if she’s even willing to talk to me first?” Asia asked, already knowing the answer. She said it more to hear Jaida’s reassuring “mmhmm” that she was making the right decision.

“Okay well, I’ll call you later and let you know how things go. Thanks for everything Jade, sometimes I just need a good kick in the ass, you know..”

“Sis, I’m only too happy to be of service.” Jaida snickered before saying her final goodbyes and hanging up.

Asia was left staring at her phone. She opened up her text messages and tapped on Kameron’s name. The last messages they had sent to each other were from before the sewing class the night before.. They seemed so insignificant now. Kam asked if Asia had wanted to stop for fries on their way to the class and that she would be there shortly to pick her up. They were things that Asia had never known she would want someone to text her now so badly.  

As she stared at the blank message box, the text cursor flashing at her, almost mocking her and her inability to think of what to type. Finally, she wrote the only words that would come to her mind and hit send before second-guessing herself.

12:34pm Hey

12:35pm can we talk?