#i need to up my commission rates anyway since my style has drastically change since the last time i did a full commission

[jadequarze]

I 'might' consider of opening full commissions next month (or mid February). It's been a while since I did any full commissions, not to mention I need to update my commission rates/pages.

[carnal-lnstinct]

Conton City Lockdown

Summary: Time patrollers have returned from missions carrying an unknown disease and infecting others denizens of Conton City with it, forcing Trunks and Supreme Kai of Time to shut down most operations and training around the City and drastically limit missions for a while until they can get everything under control. Everyone is instructed to stay inside their assigned domiciles until further notice. "Who knows what that could do to the timeline if Patrollers pass it on during a mission?!" Supreme Kai of Time urges Conton. The Conton City Hero has also been quarantined with her current Master, Goku much to both their dismay as there was still so much training left. What other shenanigans can the two saiyans get themselves into while being all cooped up.

Word Count: 7,140 (Chapter 1) AO3 Rating: Explicit / Mature Warning: nsfw ( smut, explicit language ) A/N:  This was inspired by tumblr's lilhemmo/AO3 moegan's "Alone Together" series (Definitely check that out) and the recent events effecting the world today. An anthology of encounters with the beloved earthy saiyan, Goku who is the current Master of the Saiyan Time Patroller, currently known around as the Conton City Hero. I can't do anything but write in this quarantine so here we go! Also, it has been YEARS since I wrote smut so the rust will be very evident.

Chapter 1

This was such a waste of time. You didn't spend all this time getting stronger just to be thrown into hiding from some fever and little coughing going around. As far as you could tell only the humans and namekians were getting sick, but it was pressed urgently by The Supreme Kai of Time and Trunks that everyone take part in preventing it from spreading around lest more patrollers are put out of commission because of it. Even the Hero of Time was getting involved in it. Your long tail flicked in annoyance as you stare outside the window with a grump, upset that on such a perfect day for perfecting a new move you were stuck inside to endure the sounds of your current teacher gobbling down all your food behind you. "Never been sick a day in my whole life." You grumbled. Were you not all warriors of your respective races? Stronger than anything that has come at you? That was why you were all chosen in the first place to help fix time. As selfish as it sounded coming from the Hero of Conton City, it doesn't change the fact that sitting idle for an undetermined amount of time would settle in your warrior blood so easily. With a growl, you immediately turn to let off some steam, giving your own Master an earful, "How can you just sit there and eat at a time like this?! Aren't you the least bit concerned as to when we can go back out to finish training!" You snap, breaking the doe-eyed Saiyan's concentration as he looked at you, cheeks full to the brim and chopsticks hanging off his lips.

"Aw c'mon, there's no need to worry on an empty stomach. Besides, this place has everything! I'm sure if Bulma gets involved she'll be able to fix this up in a jiffy." Goku's muffled protest follows an audible gulp as he reaches over and pats the empty table setting across from him. " Now come on, as your fighting Master I order you to sit and chow down with me, or else!"

"Th- That's not how that works! You don't get to boss me around like a child!" You growled again, but so does your stomach, prompting your cheeks to tint a pink at how your body betrayed you in the moment. Goku hums an "over here~" sound as he pointed to empty space again with his chopsticks, settling back down to continue his assault on the various plates around him. You tuck your arms and turn your head away, however you do walk over and sit down across from him.  Your temper subsided as you begin to eat, pace picking up to match that of your Master's as the flavors settle on your tongue.  Before you know it all the plates are empty for the most part, leaving only small traces of food behind and some bones picked clean of their spoils. That really did hit the spot, but it only reminded you now that you felt 100% again there was no way of burning off the energy. The assigned housing of the Time Patrollers are pretty spacious, about the size of a one bedroom apartment but that could not accommodate a saiyan's training methods. Let alone Mr. "Go All Out" and his teaching style.  You were so excited to keep practicing the Super Kamehameha Wave you recently learned. In truth it wasn't that much different from the others you learned in your training other than its charge time, but it did pack a bigger punch and you needed to know how to effectively apply it in battle if you were every going to whip it out successfully. Goku's been pretty relentless in his sparring with you because of it too, purposely not giving you the opening you needed to apply the new skill but hoping you find your own way to use it for your benefit. You were so sure you finally had it, too. You sigh leaning back in your chair and craning your head back over the edge, hearing your Master stretch himself out as well and suddenly get up from the table. "Alright! Well, since we can't train anymore for today I guess I better get goin'."

"You can't." You point out not making any movement from your restful position. "Supreme Kai of Time says we all have to stay put. That include you, Kakarot."

"What?! No way, that's hardly fair."

You jerk your head up to look at him, scowling at his whine. "That's what I said hours ago before you started stuffing your face!"

"Well, yeah but see, If I use the Instant Transmission technique, so long as I avoid anyone whose sick I shouldn't get it." The larger Saiyan confidently explains with his signature grin. You sigh, knowing the logic was pretty sound for him but there was still some issues with that.

"There was a whole announcement about this from Trunks. It's airborne, 'Master' , and also passed on through physical contact. Even if you Instant Transmission back, there's no way of telling who has it when you come in contact with them or if you became a carrier while you were already here training others. Then you pass it on to everyone you know and all of a sudden all your Earthling friends are sick. There's no sensu bean for that, remember?" You explain to him calmly now, somehow hearing it from your own mouth makes it seem more of an emergency than Trunks and Supreme Kai of Time making their announcements throughout the city. "Sure...Bulma could be helpful somehow, but if she gets it too..." This really is serious. The despondent look your Master gives you all but breaks your heart as he sits back down and mull over what's going on. "Like it or not Teach', we're stuck here until they give the okay."

Realizing you're now going to have to accommodate your single space for another, you cross your hands against your chest again in thought. You know the Conton Bots are doing what they can to sanitize the whole city and keeping rations in order so cleaner utilities would be the best first stop. Your storage gadget may need to be cleaned off, too. Goku doesn't seem the type to carry around any tools so he may not need anything sent out for the bots. You have a pretty comfy couch he can crash on, too. Since you were both outside today, you're going to have to change. Luckily he left some spare clothes here the last time you trained, that blue tracksuit he got from King Kai's planet. You open your mouth beginning to bring it up but hesitate and a small croak comes out instead, prompting him to look at you curiously. If you bring up King Kai, he's sure to teleport there instead leaving you here alone. Nope! Not after this mess he made of all the dishes! You clear your throat and put aside that fact for a while. "W-well, you better get cleaning. These dishes aren't going to wash themselves." You cheekily say as you fold your arms behind your head, kicking your feet up at the table. Goku gapes at you.

"No way! You made just as many as me! What kind of selfish meanie makes their guest do all the work, anyways?!" He whines once again, looking over the pile of bowls and plates that stood higher than him in his seated position. You grin and shrug, snapping a finger at him, "Chop, Chop." Goku pouts, standing up and leaning over an opening among the tall stack.

"Then I challenge you for it! Rock, Paper, Scissors!" He grins once again, extending his hand with a closed fist in the "rock" formation. You tilt your head and smirk. He had you at "challenge".  You extend your hand as well in the same position. "Loser does the dishes."

"Ready?" He smirks, game face on.

"Yep."

"Rock! Paper! Scissors, Go!" Goku switches his hand to form paper "Rock! Paper! Scissors, Go!" You leave your fist to form rock.

"--Wait! Best two out of three!" You readied your hand again, intensely staring down his as he moves back into the starting position with a giggle.

"Fine then! Get ready!"

"Rock! Paper! Scissors, Go!" Goku switches his hand to form paper again "Rock! Paper! Scissors, Go!" You switch your hand to form scissors.

"For the win! Go!" You shout, excited.

"Rock! Paper! Scissors, Go!" Goku switches his hands to form paper once more. "Rock! Paper! Scissors, Go!" You switch your hands to form rock.

You growl loudly, slamming your fist onto the table in defeat and rattling the stack of dishes, Goku holds two fingers air, posing for victory and motioning away from the dining table. "Alright! It's settled then. Looks like you still have more to learn, pupil." He giggles again. You could sock him in his face right now for that. But a deal's a deal. You'll settle this later when you're allowed to get outside again. "Don't think this is over!" You shout out after him as he rounds a corner into the main area of the domicile. Pile by pile is begrudgingly moved from the table to the sink, water running to allow it to heat up as you started on the chore. You mutter again, sure he cheated somehow in that last round with his freaky god powers or something to get in your head. Regardless, the pile was taken care of and the dishes were stowed away as you sigh with relief it was over. You make your way back over to the suspiciously quiet main area of your home to find Goku flipping through a book with a colorful cover. Once you noticed the black and white images on the exposed pages, you froze.

"What the hell are you doing?!" You fling yourself at the taller male to snatch the manga from his hands and curl around it to keep it from his eyes, using your tail as some makeshift bat to swat him away. "That's not for you to look at!" You shriek at him. No one must know the Conton City Hero was into such trashy reads. If one could call it reading.  

Goku with his hands up defensively takes a step back and blinks confusedly. "Woah, What? How come? It's just a book, isn't it? I, uh, just noticed the people on the front of it had tails like Saiyans." He laughs, "Is it like a wrestling book or something? They have some pretty weird techniques...Oh! I get it, you're going to use those as secret techniques to fight with."

"IT'S NOT FIGHTING!" You're louder and clearly defensive, but curiosity already has the best of your Saiyan Master. You get back to your feet holding the manga close your body staring him down with your dark eyes. "It's...literature." You pause, now averting your eyes as your face warms to a pink blush. "I...read it for fun, that's all."

"Oh..." He tilts his head after a moment of silence, "Why would anyone do that?"

"I HAVE OTHER HOBBIES THAN FIGHTING, JACKASS!" You snap again, energy flaring in your hostility despite the redness of your cheeks, making your master throw his arms up again defensively, somewhat shrinking away from you.

"Okay, okay! Sorry, I won't touch it anymore. Doesn't seem like my kind of thing anyways." He laughs more nervously this time, scratching at the back of his head unsure how to proceed to calm the atmosphere again. "Uh.. I guess I should have noticed it wasn't for fighting. I don't see how mashing your mouths together is gonna win a fight. " You shudder at his words, practically disgusted by his naivety. How in the hell was this one of the strongest warriors in all the known universes? Who refers to it as "mashing your mouths together"? You somewhat calm yourself after realizing he has no idea what he was looking through despite being left alone with it long enough to figure out. Honestly, it would be like explaining it to a child. A scrutinizing glare lingers on the larger saiyan's face making him waver just a little under your eyes, scratching a finger across his slightly pink cheek. "...What? Do I have something on my face?"

"...Goku." You straighten up, lowering your arms to your side with the book in hand.

"Y-yeah?"

"Have you...never kissed anyone before?"

His eyes widen a little more in their doe-like stare, innocence now present in his visage. "Kissing? What's that?"

You practically choke on your words as they all try to come out at once. "Y-You're kidding! Y-You're...You're married! With Kids!"

"Me? Married? I don't remember that. Oh, that's right. Chi Chi wanted me to be married to her a long time ago but I guess she got fed up with me and stopped asking me." He laughs once again, hand back on the back of his head.

You are frozen again in shock, the cogs are turning in your brain as you process and sum up the information you were given with a look similar to your Master's confused gape. The Saiyan Goku you know as your master is not married to Chi Chi? If time traveling and universe hopping had taught you anything it was that there were thousands of possibilities of how time flowed and it all kept a balance to their respective universe but what kind of timeline could occur in a universe where there is no Gohan or Goten? No one there to save Dende from Frieza's slaughtering henchman or defeat Cell in his perfect form? What becomes of the fusion technique if Goten is not there to fuse with Trunks and fight the evil Super Buu? How...could he have possibly achieve the Super Saiyan God form without them? You gasp, blinking yourself out of your trance. Is he just the strongest version of Goku? A version never anchored by family, who could train endlessly from master to master and only grow more powerful as time goes on. No wonder he's here teaching Time Patrollers how to harden their battle prowess and hone new techniques. It's an amazing thought, and frightening. "So-" You stepped closer, giving him the same look the demon Fu gave you before asking for some of your blood. "So you have never...kissed with anyone before? Not even as a reward for all the times you saved the world or cared enough about anyone to try it?!"

"Uhh...I guess not." He shrugs, guileless.

"Well..that doesn't excuse not knowing what it is! You saw Vegeta and Bulma at their wedding, didn't you?! Or...Old Man Roshi's magazines?" Kami, you hope that last part is a definite no. Your questions only seem to confuse your Master further and make him just a little bit uncomfortable with how close you were to him prying into his affairs like that. "Afraid not." He laughs, "I was actually dead when they got married. King Kai was busy training me in the Other World."

"....Oh." Is all you can say, backing off from him now. "That actually sounds very lonely of you." But it all made...some semblance of sense. Goku as you have come to know him has never seemed the type to be bothered by those kinds of things. A literal man child living out his dream of wanting to becoming stronger and fight the strongest out there with all his friends cheering him on. Same could be said for Vegeta but he has at least kissed his wife.

You take in this moment as you finally having something over your master who likes to rub it in how you need to become stronger to beat him in a real fight. Not with kissing! Though to be fair, your first kiss was a mistake on itself. When you really were a rookie Patroller out on a mission with others and you got slapped down hard by Perfect Cell into a Majin landing face to face, lip to lip as the yellow blob had surged forward to try to meet your impact and catch you only for it to end up like that and you both knocked down by the force of Cell's attack. It doesn't count, you continue to tell yourself, but in this case it could! You brush that off and smirk at Goku who is still looking more confused than ever. "Ha...So you're not the man I thought you were, Kakarot." You smugly say to the man you have deemed the strongest version of himself. A hand resting on your cocked hip, you jab a finger into his chest where it peaked out from the gi given to him by Whis. "No wonder you have all this free time to train."

The orange clad saiyan gives a childish pout at you. "How can you say that? Cut me some slack, I'm still a lot stronger than you." Here we go again.

"Tch- Well at least I have kissed someone before! And know what a kiss is!" You raise your voice back in the larger Saiyan's face, wearing your pride full on your sleeves.

"Well I don't see what the big deal is. It looks pretty strange to just do that to someone." Goku nonchalantly points out once again about what he's seen in your manga. How can he still seem so calm about it after seeing such an exaggerated version of it for the first time?

"People do it to feel good, Kakarot! It's suppose to make both people feel good!"

"Alright, Alright, I get it. Settle down now." He attempts to withdraw from riling you up even further, smiling innocently. "Wow.. Maybe someone should kiss you to make you feel good, huh?" Your face is pure red and your stun silent. You shrink away embarrassed he even had the nerve to say that. Here you were trying to get a rise out of him and he's managed to flip the script on you instead. Again! This was not how this was suppose to go. "Oh whatever!" You finally stammer out before slapping the book against his chest. It doesn't phase him, only making him laugh more.

"I'm sorry, (y/n). What can I do to make it up to you?" He asked, opened to what you suggest and oblivious to your wiles. Outside of combat, at least. But that was what made Saiyans such formidable foes. They treat everything like a battle. You eyeball him, measuring the depth of the suggestion. You did always want to learn the Dragon Fist or figure out how to unlock the Kaoiken while also in Super Saiyan form without burning out too much stamina so quickly. Those are off the table for now lest you explain to the Supreme Kai of Time and Trunks why you need a new home during a lockdown. Smiling like a scoundrel, you come up with the next best thing.

"Give me your first kiss."

"Oh, that's it?"

"What do you mean that's--?!" You cut yourself short and tuck your arms at your chest, attempting to keep your composure this time. "Yeah. It's the only way I'll forgive you." You move away from him and settle cross-legged in the open space on the carpeted floor, mimicking the same gesture he made earlier at you to sit down and eat, the open space in front of you awaiting his presence. He hesitates a little but then nods, walking over as well and sitting in front of you, crossed legs as well.

"O-Okay. So do I just-" Goku makes odd tilts of his head and soft motions forward as he looks at your face and try to figure out the perfect angle. You get the feeling he's going to just ram his mouth into yours like a headbutt and sigh, setting the manga to your side and taking his face in both hands. "Just let me. Close your eyes."

He obliges, the dark orbs disappear behind his eyelids as your thumbs gently stroke the skin underneath each eye. It should be nothing to just lean in and place a quick peck to his lips now, then rub that in his face as the woman who stole the first kiss of the Legendary Son Goku. But... you're not moving. A sensation in you chest pauses you. Nervousness. Your eyes scan over the surprisingly smooth skin of his face and how his messy spikes of hair frame it just right. He's so...calm about the whole thing. 'How does he keep doing this to me?!'  You scream in your thoughts. 'He should be the one nervous about it, it's his first kiss! I have the upper hand here!' You gulp, blush decorating your face up to your ears as your fingers tremble a little against his head. You close your own eyes now, moistening your lips as they lightly puckered in preparation for contact. You move in a little, but you are unable to bring yourself all the way over or even pull him in closer to make the contact. The beat of your heart quickens in your chest and in your ears. Goku impatiently peaks open one of his eyes to look at you, seeing the redness paint across your features and the light tremble of your form. Even your tail twitching the behind you in a frantic manner. If only you could see how his own face started to glow with a pink color, but he smiles through it. He closes his eyes back and in your stead leans the rest of the way to meet your lips. The contact coming so unexpected to you made your eyes jolt open and your entire frame snatch back, surprising you and your Master. Your face could not get any redder than it was now as you held your mouth. "Uh...Did I do it right?" He finally asks reclining back into his upright position. Your insides are going crazy, the sensation when your lips met bouncing around inside like a wild ki blast. 'Say something', you urge yourself, 'Say something!'.

"T-That was f-fine." You speak behind your hand, trying to will your trembling to stop. That small touch electrified you all over. Even thinking about it speeds your heart again.

"Hmm...You don't look like you feel good." Goku adds with a tilt of his head, a little disappointed that maybe you were sparing his feelings and it didn't work at all. He's fine with moving past it if it doesn't mean anything. Again, you're cursing yourself at the outcome of how he keeps getting the better of you. This isn't training, you shouldn't be collapsing under something as stupid as a peck on the lips. Especially not to him! Even like this, he wins. He's brought something new to the table and utterly defeated you with it all over again, leaving you to gather yourself and come back later with a new angle to overcome him. Rinse and Repeat. It would seem you both still have a lot to learn from each other. You lower your eyes and finally remove your hand from your mouth. "Can...Can you try it again?" You ask in a tone foreign to you. Gentle, meek. Even your cheeks have lightened to a soft hue of pink, dark orbs lifting to find the large Saiyan's face. He blinks at you before giving an even more gentle nod and leans over again with his eyes closed as you instructed him before. He'll get it right this time! A little more daring, you inch closer, unraveling your legs and crawling forward on your hands to lessen the space between you both, allowing your eyes to drift close as you pressed your lips to his on your own and let yourself linger a little more this time. Your tail sways in deep, slow motions behind you, and you feel Goku's large hand brace your cheek as he leaned even closer to deepen the caress of your lips together. Your own lips part in a soft gasp as he presses more, a passive hum from you eaten by the kiss, electrifying your whole being all over again. This was what a real kiss felt like? It's way better than good. Finally you break away from the kiss, body shuddering at fresh air returning to your lungs and you look up only to see the sable hues of your Master staring back into yours. "Better?" His voice breaks through on an exhale. You can only nod before a breathy "More" escapes your mouth and you do not wait for him to position himself for it. You just take it, you take his mouth against yours and anchor yourself to his face with hands on either side of his jaw. So eager to have it send that energy dance up and down your spine and down into the lower regions of your body. It's like the build up of a ki blast without the payoff of releasing it. But you're still trying, you gotta get there. You try to pull away for air again, but the larger saiyan's hands now gather you up from your knees and pulls you into his lap, pressing further to keep your mouths close. Your hands can only wrap around his neck to steady yourself as you straddle upon him. You take a page from your filthy reads and draw your tongue across his bottom lip, however you feel his body tense against yours making you pull back from the kiss. You make eye contact again, chests heaving together in out of sync rhythms.

"H-Hey, you did that thing like in your book." He notes, making you grin as your hands rested on his shoulders. He's seen more of it than you thought.

"Did you like it?" You ask, almost growling it out. That sound you made suppressed the innocent gleam in his eyes and something more foreboding had taken its place. His tone dropped an octave to a sinful purr when he opened his mouth again. "Yeah.." Your thighs squeezed around him as the sound rang in your ears and straight to your loins. It's like he is speaking to you in his fury, that dangerous tone he took up whenever he transformed into any of his Super Saiyan Forms. You practically drooled over it, your saiyan blood knew there was something powerful behind it and you were prepared to drown in it.  "I can do it aga-" Your voice, entranced by the shift in the energy is eaten by the Orange clad saiyan's kiss again and you can only hum deliriously accepting his embrace. Melting into it. Thank Kami, you did not remind him of the North Kai's planet. Only Goku could learn a new trick and adapt to it in record time like this and leave you on cloud nine with just a kiss. You hate him for it. He is not suppose to have this kind of control over you, Trainer or not. But you get the feeling this is going both ways. He can't seem to take enough of you in his hands either. His kiss has become so greedy but his hands remain so chaste. You feel them at the small of your back just above where your tail jutted out and pushing up to your shoulder blades as your equally wild hair tickles at his knuckles, smoothing over the fabric of your training gi as he squeezes your shoulders. Meanwhile all you have of him in your hands is his firm skin stretched across these tone muscles. Your hands had long slipped down into the collar of his top and gripped upon the bulging ripples of his back while caressing the back of his neck as he devoured your mouth. It's not enough to keep going like this. You withdraw your hands from his flesh to reach in between you both and tug at the knot holding his entire outfit together. "W-..Wait." He manages to speak against your lips in his normal tone before pulling back much to your reluctance slow down, but he takes hold of both your hands to pause you. "What are you doing?" How do you answer that? chest bouncing in short pants, you manage to put your brain back together and swallow to moisten the inside of your mouth again to give an answer.

"I thought you wanted to..you know..."

"Know.. what?"

God damn it, Kakarot. You stare at him in disbelief but you only have yourself to blame this time. Of course the man who didn't know what kissing was had any idea to where it leads. You sympathize with the Chi Chi of his timeline and praise her for quitting while she was ahead. You reach behind you and pick up the manga once again, opening it up to a random page displaying the ol' razzle dazzle before shoving it into his face.

"--Wrestle!" You emphasized. You feel him tense against you again as a meek "o-oh" sounds from behind the book. He laughs nervously once you lower it from his vision, goofy face brightened with blush.

"I-I don't know how to do that either!" He stammers out in his goofy tone. There is nothing but a deadpan stare at him from you. You can already see your hands wrapping around his thick neck and squeezing with the full force of your might for him rousing you up like this without any satisfaction to follow. But you know it's not his fault. You sigh instead and run your hands across your face trying to put it in words he would understand. "You like kissing, don'tcha?" You ask. lowering your hands from your face. He nods without hesitation, leaning against you some as if expecting this to lead back to it. "This will feel 100 times better. Kissing..is just a part of it. And it's call "sex", not wrestling...sometimes. Or... "love-making"..."Intercourse"..."Breedin-" No." Now you're nervously scratching at your cheek, thinking of all the innuendos for the act that may better suit his vocabulary. "...-Going to a level beyond kissing." Nailed it. Goku silently nods again.

"I get it now. Then...I trust you know what you're doing if...you want to go beyond kissing with me, (y/n)" He raises your hand to his mouth and kisses your knuckles, face darkening in his blush as he watches you and leans down to kiss the side of your mouth. You can't help but wonder if he was torn between planting that on your lips or your cheek, but its...adorable all the same. "Of course," You answer, pressing your forehead to his as your hands rested upon his chest again. "Master." You feel his eyebrow furrow at that.

"That made it weird." He utters and lifts his head from yours. You roll your eyes and look off in thought before looking back at him. "...Goku." He grins at that and wraps his arms around you again, resting his chin on your shoulder before burying his face there to keep your hair from tickling his nose. Your entire body shudders at that new touch of him there. Your hands, now free to continue where they left off, are back at the blue knot and with less fumbling from a clearer mind. You draw it through all its loops once its undone and pry open the cloth, lightly nudging him to release you just enough to slip it off his shoulders and remove it all together. There is it, all those muscles you could't wait to beat your fist into now traced over with your fingers. The body of the strongest man you know, and it's perfect. Not so much as a scar on him. You take his hands this time and bring it over to the knot that held your training gi together, sitting back in his lap and waiting for his hands to go to work. He blinks a few times, but follows through and unties the knot, leaving the sash to hang on either side of you. You rock your own shoulders a bit to knock it free of your body and slip your hands out, taking his hands again and placing them just above your breasts. Encouraging fingers urge  him to peel down the strapless fabric supporting your chest. Each breast bounces free once the fabric sits tight around your torso and you lean forward against him, bare chest to bare chest as you meet his lips again, one hand wrapped around his back to hold you close. Goku is tense all over, you can feel it in the way he flexes his muscles against you. You know he is desperate for the same purchase you want but not quite sure how to get there. This wasn't something he could just power up and blast a powerful ki wave to relieve. It's a whole new technique he's going to have to allow his body to fall into. There is small jut in his hips that brush your thigh when you settle a little closer, and your free hand couldn't wait to grab the length of it making the large saiyan flex suddenly again. A sharp sound within the kiss from him makes you tremble with excitement. You already have a handful of him and it doesn't feel like you're anywhere near the base of length yet. Trying to remain mindful of his experience, you gently stroke against the tent of his pants,

His hands are squeezing you biceps now, more to support himself under the sudden ministrations and he raises his head from the kiss to take a breath he desperately needed, his head remains tilted back as more of those sweet sounds fell out of his throat. You attacked him there next, drawing your tongue along the muscles there before pressing firm pecks up to his jaw. Your teeth scrape at his skin as well, slowing your motions around his hard length to drag out the pleasure for him only to be met with jerks of his hips for more contact.  "Look at me, Goku." You instruct him in your growl, his head lowering to meet your gaze. You can see the haze of his stare. He's a mess, putty in your hands already from just a little touching. "Does it feel good?" You ask, that scoundrel smirk on your face again. He opens his mouth to answer but your give him a squeeze, an indecent cry falling out instead. The muscle throbs in your small hand and you figure you better get this over with before he loses it. Letting go, you give his hip a pat to encourage him to lift up enough to pull his pants and underwear down, him taking the moment to adjust his legs from their crossed position and instead lay out flat in front of him, He removes his own hands from you, bracing them both on either side of him to support him up now. You take this opportunity to stand with your legs on each side of him and undo the draw string of your own training pants, slipping it and your underwear off and kicking them over, not wasting a moment as you lowered yourself back into his lap. Your eyes narrow on his exposed cock, it had more to it then your hand made you believe. Your finger slides across the tip and find some pre-cum shine on its surface, using your thumb now to smear even more to slick the skin from tip to base, all it's muscles throbbing at the direct contact of your hand. Goku's head lulls back on its own weight trying to endure as much as this as he could. To be so sensitive, you can only imagine he has never actually masturbated before, either. Truly, Goku is a pure soul. "Watch me." You tell him, languidly his head roll back up as a stream of drool slips down his chin. You lift yourself up on your knees to position yourself above him and steady yourself with a hand against his chest, the other wrapped just under the head of his length. You lower yourself enough to feel the head spread your wet lips a some, circling it against your clit and entrance to mix your weeping sex with the drip of his. You press it against you more only to slide down the side of his length, grinding your hips against his fullness a few times much to his torture. You had to hold it still to keep it from bouncing away from you before you pushed the head against your entrance again, this time allowing it to spread your lips and enter. You are barely containing yourself at his lament, finding it harder to watch you as you told him. You are a good ways down his cock before your body refuses to take anymore for now. "S-See...Beyond kissing." The Saiyan male managers to stare down at where you are connected as you slide your hands around his shoulders and balance yourself on your knees to drag your hips into his length, drawing back enough to slide him out and take a little bit more of him inside when taking him back in.

You set a pace to settle into with him, slow and tasteful stroke of your insides around him, wanting to pull more of him inside with each descend upon his hot thickness but such purchase needed to be worked up to. You embraced his head to the underside of your jaw, fitting his face in the crook of your neck as he tried to muffle himself against your skin. Your chin pressed into his hair, indulgent gasps from you breaks the rhythm you set as they fed into his lust. A few abrupt jerk of his hips becomes a pattern of quick, shallow thrusts that easily moved in and out of you. He's getting it now. Goku lurches forward and grabs your hips to still you enough to allow him to compose himself for a moment, long enough to pick up his own pace again. He pushes down on your hips to meet his thrusts and you feel the delicious graze of his tip at that sweet spot making you moan out, your core clenching around him in excited twitches for more. Before you knew it your skin was slapping against his as he could now bury himself deep inside of you. You had all but lost control of it now to the harmony of his moans and yours, the unsteadiness of him plunging into you in a mix of wanting to have you more for himself but hold out for you to feel good too, and then that lewd slick sound of your sex entwined with his. He's so thick inside you, the way his cock opens you up to accommodate his size and consistently knocks against your core, the desperation of his thrusts was pushing you to brink of your pleasure. You moved your legs to wrap around him now, trying to brace your heels against the floor to support his motions. A part of you is still waiting for that depraved side of him to creep back up on you, that enticed look he had in his eyes when he couldn't stop kissing you, and the vexing low tone he had. Instead, the large saiyan ruts himself into a frenzy of pumps before pausing deep inside, flush against your sweet spot as he spilled himself inside you. Your insides ate it up, mouth gaping as you are left gasping for breath and all of you clenched down around him to draw out more of his seed.

Goku moves your feet and lies back as you fall over with him, your own hips still slowly moving to ride out your own orgasm. You are equally heavy and weightless on his heaving chest, but his arms do not release you. You sit up enough to attack his mouth with your own, once again drawing your tongue against his lips and he does not shy away this time, letting you tongue slip inside and tease his to play with. He is so obsessed with you in this moment, cradling your head to his to return the kiss with matching vigor. You had already spent yourselves but still held so much passion in your actions. Of course, its not over yet. Goku shifts his legs beneath you, feet planting firmly into the carpet for leverage as his hands once again take hold of your waist much to your surprise. Against the half-hearted roll of your hips still riding the high of your orgasm, you can feel his pace pick up again. He's still hard inside you, thrusts now ravenous and unyielding in this new angle. You both just came, but he's already back in it. You haven't yet recovered from your first orgasm either, all of his movements are more intense and overstimulating. You cry out into your open mouth kiss, trying to will yourself through the euphoric agony as he continued. Your insides were so saturated with him, you know he was spilling out of you, that warmth trickling down to his balls and making your connection sound all the more lewder. He's wrestled control of your body now and looping your hips to meet his thrusts while your insides continue to twitch around him, building up all over again so soon. "G- Ah!..Go-" You can't even speak, pressing your forehead into his chest now as your toes curl in  and hands clench at his skin. And then..there it is..

"Look at me, (y/n)" That merciless octave commands you in his own winded breath. "I-I...I  wanna see you this time." Sweet Kami, you are a total wreck now. Your orgasm washes over you much more powerfully and hits you so quick this time you can barely process it taking over you. Before you can even raise your head to see his face, you are limp against his chest. Drunk on your pleasure. Goku uses a finger to lift your chin up, easily balancing the weight of your head to look at the smutty expression as you savored  his ravenous assault on our core. Your blurry vision sees him smirk, the dark fade in his eyes weakening you more to the bliss of his hips still smacking into yours. You wish he would relent for just a moment but you're stuck in his wiles now. "Does it feel good?" The Powerful Saiyan asks huskily, compelling you to let out a meek sob in place of a yes. His second orgasm wasn't far behind yours, clenching your hips again as your chin fell back into his chest and he rode out this one with you, more of his cum filling you abused insides again.

[magioftheseas]

Chiaki & Yasuke

Summary: Nanami Chiaki’s FTEs in the SDR2 Protagonist Matsuda Yasuke AU. Yep. They’re almost completely different from canon.

Rating: PG

Warnings: Language and references to gore/hospital stuff because Matsuda.

Notes: I was just super into the mood to write more FTEs and I went for Nanami since her relationship with Matsuda is fun. It’s also one I noticed the most people (about three) voicing interest in. It’s pretty drastically different but I still tried to make them parallel the original somewhat. Do the two of them actually get closer? Well, I won’t give you the answer so easily. Anyway Nanami talks like a House of Dead 2 character. She does.

Read this fic among others HERE

Main story is HERE

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Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, A, B, start.

Matsuda woke to the sound of furious button presses. The hotel air was as stale as ever. His neck fucking hurt from how he had slouched against the couch. At the very least, his manga had been carefully set down on the table, but he nevertheless found himself irritated at how he just fell asleep while reading.

Just because I got tired of my cottage. The hell was I thinking?

And that creepy otaku was happily booping away on the tabletop game. Although Matsuda was pretty damn sure the lobby had been empty when he entered. He’s sure because when he goes out, he goes out of his way to avoid people if he can help it.

And yet, the gamer chick is here. When he’s sure she has a million other things to do. How irritating.

Huffing, Matsuda pushed himself up. His neck throbbed and creaked and he groaned loudly as he tried to adjust it. He might need a neck pillow or something. Anything.

“Ugh. How annoying,” he mutters, grabbing his book. “I wasted all that time on a shitty nap. I doubt my brain flushed out the chemicals properly. No, I’m sure it didn’t. Great.”

Stretching doesn’t alleviate the aching of his joints, but he’s ready to head out regardless. He pops his lips as he starts with his best foot forward, only for someone to call out.

“Hey, why don’t you play a game with me before you go?”

Matsuda paused, turning to Nanami with a withered, unimpressed look.

“Just one,” she said, not looking at him but at the stupid fucking screen. “Or two. Or three. Or four. Maybe more.”

The fuck? Oh. The hell kind of bizarro world is this?

He thinks that, he thinks that, but he throws his hands up in preemptive defeat.

“Sure. Fine. Why the hell not.”

And that was the start of it. As well as the select, the downs, the ups, and the game.

--

The losing screen flashes in his face. He’s not surprised at it. He wasn’t surprised the first time.

“Another round,” Nanami droned at him. “You didn’t even try in that last one, Matsuda-kun.”

“What do you mean? My strategy of just pressing random buttons hasn’t changed a bit,” he pointed out. “I don’t have the time or brain space to learn the technicalities of this cheap-ass fighter game. Especially when the characters are all so ugly.”

“You consistently pick the same one,” she replied. “If it didn’t matter at all, you’d change things up a little.”

Matsuda stares darkly at the character in question as if it had betrayed him. What met his glare was an annoying innocent smile obscured by strings of red.

“I guess this fugly speaks to me on some level. Not that I’m remotely interested in what it has to say.” He selects them just as before. “Whatever. If you’re that fucking bored, then I guess I’ll pick the stage. Although does it really matter? They’re just different backdrops.”

“It helps with atmosphere, I think.”

You think. Games are supposed to be your fucking forte.

He ended up selecting the gothic horror-styled one. Not for any particular reason beyond it feeling right at the time. He immediately started his losing strategy of random button mashing, and while he got a few hits in due to unpredictability, Nanami Chiaki was perfectly capable of wiping the floor with him. To call it one-sided would be generous.

Another defeat. Another loss. Another smug winning animation of Nanami’s character, cheering and prancing around like a fucking deer.

He pressed start to skip through, but the screen lingered as the other player hadn’t done the same. So he waited because whatever, almost drifted off, and snapped back to attention when Nanami was the one who yawned.

“Am I boring you?” he asked, huffing. “What did you expect? Obviously, I’m not a match against you. This is your field, not mine. Or was this part of a sad attempt at psychoanalysis?”

“Um...” Nanami rubbed at her eye. “I do love games. I love playing games. And playing games with others is fun. It’s fun even with it’s with you.”

Even when it’s you. He wonders if he should be flattered. Ultimately, he doesn’t really care. He shrugs.

“Games are as good as a recreational activity as any, I suppose,” he mumbled. “But still between games and manga, the manga is the obvious victor for me. I’d rather not have to use my head unnecessarily when it comes to entertainment.”

“Unnecessarily?” Nanami parrots.

“Because gaming requires an engagement unlike any other,” Matsuda explained, perhaps a bit snappier than needed. “It’s interactive. The game cannot proceed without a player. It’s more...versatile, I suppose? That’s the main appeal of it, and I definitely see the value there, but, still.” He shook his head. “Not for me.”

“So that’s why you’re not really engaging,” Nanami muttered, puffing her cheeks. “Not really, I think.”

“If I asked you to go reading with me, you’d definitely fall asleep before finishing a chapter.” He paused for a moment, mulling that over. “But I guess maybe you’d put more of a show at participating.”

“Maybe. Books are okay. I guess.”

Matsuda twitched a little.

“Video games are okay. I guess.”

“But video games encapsulate all kinds of experiences,” Nanami said. “So I think you’re being a bit close-minded. There’s surely a game out there that speaks clearly to Matsuda-kun’s interests. Maybe we should give that a try.”

Matsuda perked. Nanami had clicked start so that the screen could change, but her gaze was more intense than before. Matsuda couldn’t help but let out a snort.

“I don’t doubt that, but I’m still not exactly interested in playing through it.” He waved his hand. “I’d rather watch someone else play.”

“I guess I can play it, then?” Nanami’s head tilted. “I guess we’ll both have fun that way. I think so, anyway. So, let’s go find that game. Um. There are simulations of surgeries.” Matsuda remembered those. He remembered those well.

I’ve actually played through those for training. It’s meant to ease you into the idea of cutting open a real person, but it doesn’t fully capture that. Doesn’t capture the feel of pulsing at your fingertips, the weight of that person’s mind and life on your shoulders. How a person can twitch and break if poked the wrong way.

And with all that in mind, he was really, incredibly, exhausted.

“Not right now. I’m going back to take an actual fucking nap.” He stands, and he does a half-assed salute. “Sayonara, bye-bye.”

“Later, then?” Nanami asked. She didn’t even sound hopeful. It was cold and robotic, like a coworker after a long, long day. It lowkey pissed him off, so he didn’t even respond.

--

“Ohhhh, it’s Matsuda-kuuuuun.”

“It’s meeeee.” Matsuda waved his hand dully. “I didn’t have anything better to do so here I aaaaaam.”

“Yaaaaay,” Nanami droned with no mirth whatsoever. “So, let’s go to my cottage, then. I dug around through my games and I found stuff that aligns with Matsuda-kun’s interests, I think. I also asked Usamonomi for other stuff.”

“You can just ask the rabbit for shit like that?” he asked, blinking. “Well, shit. I should’ve been taking advantage of that a long time ago. I could’ve cut down on time spent within the proximity of other people.”

Nanami blinks back at him. She already looks bored. And tired. What a mood.

“Were you serious about finding a game I’d like?”

“Absolutely,” she answered immediately with quite the serious expression. “Games are everything. If you can’t find a game you enjoy, what are you even doing with your life?”

“Other things.”

“Come on,” Nanami insisted. “I will drag you if I have to. Probably.”

I don’t want to go but having someone remark on the weird gaming otaku trying to shove me around isn’t exactly my idea of a better time. The best time would be reading manga. And not going crazy due to a lack of being able to work. God.

“Okay. Sure.”

He could only shrug his shoulders and move on along. And make faces at Nanami’s back all the while.

They got to her cottage easily, and Nanami was even walking a bit faster than usual to make the trip shorter. She had to dig around for her key, but it was only a minute before she unlocked the door and beckoned him within her gaming domain. Matsuda, unaffected as ever, just muttered platitudes as he followed in after her.

“Please excuse me.”

He scowled as he had to step over several cables and nearly flipped over the rug that happened to be the same shape as the hair clip Nanami wore. How obsessive was this chick? Even he didn’t have a specially designed rug. And the shape was impractical, too, it pissed him off.

God, what would life be without such useless luxuries, indeed.

“Ba, ba, baaa,” Nanami droned in a poor non-attempt to drill up anticipation. Before Matsuda could ask, she had shoved one of the handheld consoles into his face. It was pearly pink and well-worn, and also flicked on with the screen blinding. Squinting, Matsuda first heard the steady, synthesized heartbeat before he saw something pulsing in the depths of painfully light cyan blue. On closer inspection it was a heart, tubes and all. How quaint.

His eyes flickered over the title printed on the screen, and he exhaled.

“Yeah. That’s a video game alright.”

“You can play it,” Nanami said. “Or you can watch me play it. I guess.”

“I’ll watch you.”

“Okay.”

Nanami plopped onto the ground. She patted the spot beside her but Matsuda elected to just keep standing. He had no interest in getting overly cozy, that just...made him feel uncomfortable.

This chick in general makes me feel uncomfortable.

And she had already started the game. She was utterly fixated on the screen immediately, even when all she was doing was scrolling through dialogue and watching inane cutscenes. The music droned on, and Matsuda wondered if Nanami would notice him just leaving.

Tempting idea. But if I’m going to waste my time here, I better fucking commit.

He noticed that she used a stylus to navigate the various screens. It was definitely old, but in good shape. Hadn’t even been gnawed on the way most of Matsuda’s pens had been. If anything, Nanami had no idling or ticks as she played. It was as if every atom of her being couldn’t focus on anything else.

Creepy.

Really creepy. Totally inhuman. She’s not even blinking.

“Your eyesight’s going to go out,” he muttered under his breath. But she had started the stage, and Matsuda could only stare at the digitized rendition of a patient on the surgical table. Nanami drew the lines with her stylus, and the ‘skin’ split open, revealing the pulsing masses underneath.

There was music ticking, blaring and frantic. It annoyed him. If any music played during surgery, it was almost always classical. Fucking classical. It’s like he was back watching during his internship. He had been fascinated back then, watching how the body pulsed with life in spite of being cut open. The thrill of a person’s warmth when their inner intricacies were in his hands. The throbbing and spasming of those insides...and Matsuda only snapped out of it when the stage was cleared and triumphant music played.

And Nanami was looking up at him, bright-eyed and expectant. She offered him the game.

He shook his head. He felt twitchy all over. Anxious. Here he was, wasting his fucking time on this. There weren’t even any lives on the line. No excitement at all. He wouldn’t even learn anything. A simulation had nothing on the hands-on experience he used to be so familiar with.

And if I’m here for so long that I forget how to rewire a person...what will I do?

“It’s nothing like the real thing. It doesn’t even make the slightest difference.”

“Matsuda-kun?”

He leaves without another word.

--

He looks through the files in his cottage of weird animal-dressed people, and even mulling over them and trying to act like he’s working isn’t the most satisfying of activities. So, he heads out, reading his manga as he does, and sometimes irritably shielding himself from the sun. It’s painfully bright regardless of what he does, so he ends up in the hotel lobby once again.

And Nanami Chiaki is sleeping on his favorite spot, her handheld placed gently aside. She doesn’t sleep with any grace and is muttering about flying pigs and evil octopi. Matsuda shuts his manga irritably and he nudges her arm dangling over the side with the tip of his slipper. Nanami mutters something incoherent in between weird humming that may or may not have resembled classical music, and Matsuda smacks her head none-too-lightly with his book.

“Oi. If you’re going to sleep, do so in your fucking cottage not out here in the open. Do you have any self-preservation at all?” He smacks her again. “This is also bad for your back. And you already slouch so much. Geez.”

“Mm. The one who orders us. Cannot be negotiated with. Do not call.”

“What weird game are you playing in your head now?”

Nanami’s face scrunched up briefly. And quickly. Almost too quick to observe. Her eyes drifted open lethargically, wide and blank. Slowly, she pushed herself up, and there was only recognition in her dull gaze as she blinked at him.

“Matsuda-kun.”

What the hell was that about? Ah.

“Morning,” he greeted, not that curious. “Do you ever go anywhere else? Shut-in.”

“Mm,” Nanami mumbled, rubbing her eye with a yawn. “I feel most comfortable with games, but I suppose I should go to other places, too. Do you have any ideas, Matsuda-kun?”

“I don’t care. Anywhere should work.”

Her cheeks puffed, clearly displeased with the answer but Matsuda didn’t care enough to take it back.

“Is it that you’re getting bored of games or that you feel like there should be more to life? It’s none of my concern either way, but if you’re going to bother me about such nonsense, the least you can do is be clear about your motivations.”

Nanami stared at him, and after a while, her head tilted.

“It’s because you’re so difficult.”

Matsuda raised an eyebrow. “Huh?”

“Out of everyone here, Matsuda-kun is the most difficult,” she said simply, tugging up her hood. “At least, I think so.”

“That’s...a pretty fucking lofty claim, considering.” He said that, but in all honesty, he’s not that shocked. People have been calling him difficult all his life even amongst others with objectively worse traits. He’s used to this kind of bullshit.

It’s still annoying as fuck, though.

“That’s also not much of an explanation,” he pointed out. “Why the hell am I a factor in how you spend your free time? You don’t have to pay me mind.”

Nanami’s expression didn’t change, but he wondered if he imagined a shadow flickering across her gaze for the slightest moment.

“I spend a lot of time playing games, and I love games.” A pause. “Of course, games are about having fun. But there are other good things you can get out of it, too. Like, a greater understanding of yourself and the world around you.”

“That’s what it means to be art,” Matsuda replied dully. “So, what? What does this have to do with me specifically?”

“There’s a particular genre I have trouble with, I guess,” Nanami said, although she seemed kind of lost in thought about it. “It’s a genre that hinges on understanding others. Other, um, living people I think.”

Living people? The hell is up with that signifier? Is she actually a zombie?

He couldn’t ponder that further because Nanami was now pointing at him.

“And you, Matsuda-kun, are the most difficult person. So, I think I want to understand through you.”

“What a normal thing to say. And do.” Matsuda twitched. “It’s not my fucking responsibility if you have a social disorder.”

Although I wonder if that’s what it is. But it doesn’t matter. This doesn’t involve me.

“When I invited you to play games, I thought playing something that pertained to your interests would get you to open up,” Nanami explained next. “But you didn’t. You just got upset. Why?”

Ah. Okay. That’s a curiosity I can entertain.

“It’s because you assumed that my field is meant to entertainment.” He didn’t look at her, but he wasn’t going to run away. “I got into medicine and neurology out of necessity and purpose, not because I thought it’d be fun. Yes, it can be enjoyable but that’s such a selfish and stupid fucking way to look at it. Even the fucking narcissists don’t care about that.”

It’s about control. The control needed to save a person’s life.

“Narcissists?” Nanami parroted.

“Never mind. What I should be saying is that if you wanted to pick a game I’d enjoy; you should have picked something with magical girls.”

She perked up. “Oh, so Monomi.”

“Something a little more dignified would be preferred, but yeah. I guess. I can’t say I’m that rabbit’s biggest fan.”

If not for her shitty timing and shittier competence level, I’d at least tolerate her, I suppose.

“Um. So.” Humming, Nanami bounced on her heels, likely to keep herself awake. “What’s something that Matsuda-kun enjoys that I can take part in?” She looks at her book. “I can read with you, I guess? That’s sort of like co-op.”

“It’s nothing like co-op,” he snapped. “And I’d rather not have your creepy dead fish eyes staring holes over my shoulder.”

“I’m not a fish. I think. Fish can sleep underwater. And I’d drown if I tried that. Probably. But maybe I could survive if I collected enough bubbles.”

Matsuda stared at her for a long, long time. 

“How about I look for a second copy of this book and you can read along or something?”

“Oh, I guess that’s also an option, huh.”

And such was what they went with. And so, Matsuda’s frustration and confusion with the one called Nanami Chiaki increased. But off to the library, all the same.

--

“Matsuda-kun, Matsuda-kun.”

Nanami was the one who waved him over, although she hardly looked happy to be doing so. Neutrality as always. It seriously weirded him out.

“Let’s go somewhere again,” she said. “Where would you like to be?”

“A...hospital. With patients. Where I’d be working. Obviously.”

Nanami frowned at him, perhaps a little put out. He couldn’t really tell. Maybe she was actually judging him or something. Considering how much time this chick spent on luxury activities, he wondered if she had any concept of work.

Then again, she doesn’t understand much. Isn’t she pestering me in the first place because of a game?

“That game you’re using me to get good at...it’s not unsavory, is it?”

“Unsavory?” Nanami parroted, like she wasn’t sure what the word meant. He shuddered a bit at the implication of such a scenario. “I do want to understand other people. That’s important, right?”

“I guess. But normally a person’s intention would be social climbing.”

“Like gaining social links?” Nanami seemed to think that over. “Well, there are benefits to that. New abilities. Matsuda-kun would grant greater precision. The ability to better aim. Sharp Precision. That’s what it’d be called.”

She’s now talking through me rather than at me. Fucking rude.

“Right. Precision granted, then. Good-bye.”

He turns on his heel and walks away. It’s not all that dramatic, because Nanami just trots after him without missing a beat. One might compare it to being followed by something cute, like a puppy, a kitten, or a duckling. Matsuda felt it more akin to the security cameras.

“That’s not how it works,” Nanami finally spoke after they walked a good distance across the island. “I feel like concluding here would be a bad ending, I’m sure of it.”

Bad ending? So like...a dating sim route?

Gross.

“Alright. So, a question.” He distracted himself with one of the monitors. And one of the cameras. What he’d give for a rock to break both of them. “You’re pretty good at games, right?”

“Mm?”

“Like, it’s your talent. You must be really fucking absurdly good at games.” He still didn’t look at her. “How much do you think I’d have to mess with your head to make you bad at them?” A pause. “One practice during open brain surgery is having the patient playing a game while you poke around. If they go from doing really well to really poorly, you have an idea that you’re doing something wrong. So how about it?” He glanced back. “Wanna test that?”

Nanami didn’t look disturbed. She didn’t even look displeased. She did, however, visibly size him up and shook her head.

“Even if I was bad at games, I’m sure I’d still enjoy them. It’s not about winning or losing, after all.”

That’s...absolutely not what you should be concerned about. Creepy. So fucking creepy. She has the sense to not go for it, but seriously?

If I lost my capabilities for even a moment, I don’t know what I’d fucking do with myself. If I couldn’t focus on something that important, what would I even be living for?

“Oh.” Nanami sighed. “Matsuda-kun looks upset again. At this rate, I’ll never get a good ending.”

Gross. Gross, gross, gross.

“Life doesn’t have any endings,” he bit out. “There’s also no milestones, not really. No plot points. Certainly no impeccable strategy. Don’t you get that?”

She blinked at him. Once. Twice.

“Mm.” She shrugs. “Matsuda-kun, I have a magical girl game we can play together. It’s a fighter. The combos are really simple. I think you’d enjoy it.”

“It’s always about games with you, isn’t it?” He rolled his eyes. “Look. The second we get off this island, I’m going to throw my everything back into work. There’s no point in building a relationship that’s just going to fall apart. Especially when the person you’re looking to build it with is as difficult as I am.”

Nanami blinked at him again. This time, she was quiet.

“I’m going back,” he said, rubbing at his nape. “Thanks for joining me on the walk, but no thanks to your weird, detached advances.”

“It’s because I want to understand you, Matsuda-kun,” she replied simply. “Because it’s difficult for me, too. I think.”

Is it? Is it really?

No matter how he looked at it, it was a fucking weird sentiment to express. It wasn’t normal. Not at all. Nanami Chiaki wasn’t remotely normal.

I actually...do kind of want to split her head open and get a look for what’s inside.

But he can’t really do that, so for now he just brushes her off.

“I’d rather just not be bothered.”

“Hmmm. Well,” Nanami hummed, shrugging as well. “Maybe you’re tired? I’ll talk to you later, Matsuda-kun.”

This time, she’s the one to walk away. Like it’s that simple.

How exhausting.

--

He’s lying on bed, manga draped over his face and hands laced behind his head. He’s decently close to being asleep, but there’s a knock on his door. Pulling the manga off and setting aside, he groaned loudly.

“Leave a message.”

And then, he heard someone stuffing just that under his door. Pushing himself up, Matsuda stared at the folded-up paper now on his floor. Sighing, he went and retrieved it. The handwriting was surprisingly neat.

Matsuda-kun,

Hang out with me?

He had half a mind to crumble it up, but instead he just opened the door. Sure enough, she was still there.

“I hear letters can be a good starting block,” Nanami said simply. Like it was just common knowledge. “So they really are effective, huh.”

“Did you just have this on you?” Matsuda shook his head. “Don’t actually answer that. I don’t want to know. What I will ask is why you’re bothering me. Again.”

“I’ve hung out with other people,” she responded, head tilted. “And I think I learned a bit about human interaction. But, Matsuda-kun is still the most difficult. I think.”

“Mmgh.” She really is an odd one, isn’t she? That said. “You really think we can get along, huh? I don’t remotely understand how but to be honest, I don’t understand how you think at all. Sure I can’t cut open your head?” He snorted. “Kidding.”

Nanami’s expression still didn’t change. He still couldn’t get a read on her.

“Walk with me, Matsuda-kun?”

“Alright. Sure. Whatever.”

There wasn’t any point either way, so he figured he might as well. It wasn’t often someone sought him out willingly, right?

...right?

His head hurt a little.

“We can stop by the supermarket, I think,” Nanami says after he shuts the door behind him. “If your head hurts.”

He waved his hand to brush off the remark and followed her lead.

“When talking to many people, I guess I learned a lot of things,” she rambled on ever dully. “I know quite a bit from games, but that can only teach me so much about the world, I think.”

Matsuda said nothing to that, rubbing his temples.

“There was something in particular that frustrated and confused me,” she added. “Something that I wanted to understand.”

“Dating sims?” Matsuda asked wryly, unimpressed.

She didn’t respond, either to confirm or to elaborate. Matsuda huffed, but he expected as much.

“Y’know most games that simulate interaction miss out on a lot of nuances to actual conversations. Just like most thing,” he found himself saying. “No matter how intricate the control screen, there’s an ocean of difference between playing a game about a subject versus engaging with it in the real world. That’s another reason why your doctor games don’t do much for me.”

“I suppose that makes sense, huh.” Strangely, Nanami almost sounded wistful. “But, it’s still something I’d like to understand better. Interacting with others, building relationships, falling in love, things like that.”

They’re at the beach now. Nanami pauses to stare out towards the ocean. Matsuda wondered what he saw beyond the sunlight broken and scattered across the surface. The seagulls flying overhead, and the rolling waves.

“I don’t understand love, but... I don’t think you do, either, Matsuda-kun.”

Matsuda’s eyes narrowed sharply and he would’ve snapped back except suddenly his head hurt and he nearly choked. He gagged, too, feeling sick and light-headed.

“U-Urgh. Urgh.”

“Matsuda-kun.” A gentle hand on his head. “Forget I said anything.”

He flinched, but, his mind went blank for a moment and he swallowed back both saliva and bile. Noticing how close Nanami was standing to him, and how her stare was the most unsettling it has ever been, he scowled.

“What was that? I felt like you said shit that was seriously fucking rude before.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“Liar.”

Nanami shrugs and from there it’s whatever. Just whatever.

“Hey, Matsuda-kun.” She tugs at her hood. “If you do ever leave, do you think you’ll be bothered to remember everyone?”

“You’re a difficult bunch to forget,” Matsuda snapped. “But as for you, I really can’t be clearer about my lack of interest. By the way, getting to know someone because you want to score fictional lovers on a game is kinda shit.”

“That was actually an excuse, but I figured it wouldn’t work on you.” She shrugged again. “But we spent enough time together that there must be something between us.”

“What a gross remark.”

“So difficult,” Nanami muttered. However, something tugged at her lips. “But I would like for you to get along with everyone, I think. Despite everything. I’m sure.”

“You really do sound like that obnoxious rabbit sometimes,” he responded, puffing his cheeks. She did the same.

“Because getting along with others is important, Matsuda-kun. You should know that.”

Of course I do. But the idea is such a hassle. Such a headache. I have to wonder if it’s worth the trouble.

But, he won’t deny that the idea of a future alone and isolated was a chilling one. He was still human, after all. Humans are social creatures by nature. It was how their species survived, as stupid as it was.

Even if I can’t begin to understand someone like the gamer zombie, it won’t be that way for most other people. And for all her faults, I suppose she’s capable like any other person. I suppose there are a couple of things about her that I can get, even if it’s not everything. But before all of that, one thing is certain.

As both he and Nanami stared out across the endless blue of the ocean waves, he could only truly seek after what laid beyond.

I have to get out of here.

[ddrkirbyisq]

You'd think that being unemployed I'd blog more often instead of less often...but I guess it's more just that the days of me feeling like i NEED to say something about =everything= are past.  I definitely remember that stage in high school where I just found it really nice, theraputic even to just type everything out as a way of processing it and to distill any of those leftover thoughts and feelings that I had.  I'd like to (?) think that I am a little bit better at being able to acknowledge my thoughts and feelings as they happen and "let them pass", so to speak.  Kind of like meditating, you know?  Where you don't necessarily feel obligated to act upon every single thought or feeling. Speaking of which, I think I'm really feeling a lot better so far about (not) stressing out about things in general.  Of course there is still an internal alarm bell (or whatever metaphor you want to use) that starts going off whenever I haven't gotten to one or more of my responsibilities for a long time, but I think it's been easier to not stress out about that alarm going off (and trust that I will be able to get to it).  Perhaps more importantly, it's also been easier to manage that alarm in the first place, since I really feel like I am doing a better job of keeping up with things in general now, with letters, music, etc.  Things will never be perfect and my plate will never be fully empty, but as long as I'm making forward progress I'm happy. I did some tai chi for the first time in forever the other day!  It felt nice, just went out to the park after doing some stretching and such at home.  I'm super out of shape of course, but actually not =as bad= as I thought, so that was nice.  It didn't take a ton of time either, so hopefully that's something I can start doing randomly a bit more often.  Though it is a bit less fun doing it alone compared to when it was with others.  But it's sort of fun to be alone in its own way, too, I guess. Worked on a bunch of music stuff today!  Got started on an interesting request to remix Gliding Dance of the Maidens, which took quite some tries to get started on, but I think I'm making headway there, yay.  Also did OHC today, in which I tried to emulate puru's progressive sounds.  I was eh...about halfway successful I think.  I managed to get pretty tight drum sequencing, which I think worked really nicely -- I'm going to have to push this "clean" style of drums more in the future.  I really stumbled on making the proper trance pluck sounds though, something which I feel like I used to be able to do but I guess I've gotten out of practice with it.  After OHC ended I spent some time experimenting with that, trying to get the hang of it not only with the classic 3xOsc synth, but also with Harmor and Sytrus.  I actually might start trying to use Sytrus a bit more often for this type of supersaw sound, as it's fairly easy to get a good unison saw sound out of sytrus and the filters actually work pretty nicely.  Harmor can do it too, of course, but...I dunno, the UI in harmor just feels more clunky and confusing, really.  Both Sytrus and Harmor are capable of doing subtractive synthesis, even though Sytrus is built for FM/ringmod and Harmor is built as an additive synth.  So maybe more Sytrus is in my future when I want to play around with synth stuff...?  Anyways, it felt good to be doing so much work on music.  It's just as well too, since I already have a commission lined up for next month too! Xmas letters are progressing smoothly!  I've gotten 25 of them done, and also took care of some birthday letters along the way as well.  Only 6 more days left!  I still have some of the longer ones left to do though, so hopefully I can schedule them in at good times.  I still have to do my Japanese letter too, which will probably take a while, haha.  Once all the letters are done I have to make sure to not relax -- need to get all the gift shopping done early otherwise deadlines will sneak up on me before I know it... Progressing further and further in Dark Souls, which has been keeping my interest pretty well!  I've also started listening to the Bonfireside chat podcast (that, the "Analog" melee podcast, and Limited Resources for MtG are my 3 podcasts to listen to while driving) alongside my playthrough, which...well, I wouldn't say it's the =greatest= podcast in the world, but it's enjoyable enough, for a drive.  Anyways, the main cleric character (Sayuri) has a bunch of points into Faith and uses lightning spear in addition to the Jagged Ghost Blade (currently reinforced to +4), which fortuitously dropped from one of the ghosts in new londo ruins.  It's just as well too, because we spent a LOT of time down in those ruins fighting those ghosts wayyyy before we were supposed to...we ended up clearing the ENTIRE area out and got confused because there was nowhere else to go (turns out I had just completely missed the door to the lower undead burg, argh).  Anyways, it's been serving really well, as it's got really nice base damage AND procs a nice bleed effect as well.  The only thing is that it doesn't do too well in narrower spaces or against short or flying enemies as it mainly has horizontal slash attacks, so occasionally we'll switch to the good ol mace (one of the better weapons in the game actually) and use those vertical attacks to smash things. The jagged ghost blade doesn't have much scaling, so eventually we'll replace it with some sort of divine or just regular reinforced dex scaling weapon.  Our scimitar is currently a divine scimitar although we haven't needed it yet (once we go into the catacombs, I guess?), and we just picked up a falchion so that could be a candidate.  Some sort of katana would actually be great -- apparently there is an Iaito somewhere in blighttown that you can get to by jumping to a platform, so maybe that, if we end up going back there.  I might just do some backtracking through blighttown (ugh) anyways, as I'm sure I didn't get everything there.  I actually also should go back to the lower burg since I apparently completely missed Griggs there, lol. Anyways, we actually made our way all the way through the depths, through blighttown, and beat quelaag, rang the second bell to presumably unlock sen's fortress (?) and are now near the ruins of chaos.  There are quite a few different directions we can explore go at this point, though I guess sen's fortress is the next real progress area (?).  There's no shortage of unexplored areas, at any rate, as there's the bridge in valley of drakes that i don't know where it goes (shortcut to somewhere?), there's the crest of artorias door which I don't know where it leads to, and a bunch of stuff in blighttown probably.  There...is certainly a lot of stuff in this game, lol.  Also, we accidentally killed the Chaos Servant guy guarding Quelaag's sister, whoops!  Didn't see the option to talk to him since I was holding my shield up.  Fortunately that doesn't really matter all that much in the grand scheme of things, just sort of unfortunate.  Wish somebody had left a message there that indicated something about that dude though.  We also missed beating Kirk in the sewers -- didn't realize he was an NPC to be beaten.  Whatever, there's no way to expect to get everything right on the first playthrough. My second character is a sorcery-focused int build, which is a drastically different playstyle, as she gets to really nuke things with hard-hitting magic attacks, but it requires a different set of tactics as she's sort of fragile and the magic takes time to cast, so it's tricky sometimes to find a good window of time to fire them off.  I've beaten the Gaping Dragon with that character, so next is to head down to blighttown. Third character is sort of a lolzy one, just focusing on strength and two-handing huge weapons.  I haven't played with that one very much at all, I think I only beat the taurus demon so far.  Don't know if I'll continue, though it does seem funny to just hold really huge weapons around haha. Cleared a Space Alert mission successfully for the first time in about 3 years, which was fun!  Really gotta keep your wits sharp to succeed in that game...it's still fun though. I've started playing through Hollow Knight as well!  In earnest this time, as the last time I tried I didn't get very far at all.  Currently just got to the Fungal Wastes...man, a LOT of attention and detail went into the art for this game, it's pretty insane how fully-featured all of these environments are and so far the different feel of all the areas is coming across really well.  It's been fun so far. Things that are coming up (a.k.a. things that I have to get done, lol)...besides stuff that is not really worth mentioning (getting my flu shot at some point), I actually still might want to do a short post-mortem for Bath Time, lol.  Speaking of which, there's a pretty annoying touchscreen bug, so (sigh) I probably will try to fix that up and make a new mobile build for it.  At SOME point I'll have to try to actually get back to development on Rhythm Quest, though it is certainly intimidating since there is so much that needs to be done there.  Besides all the content, I want to redo how the map screen works entirely if possible, maybe the main menu as well, but also have to make a calibration screen of some sort, etc etc etc. For anime, Inuyasha (lol) is on hold at the moment, but I finished off Evangelion for reals (yay).  I didn't expect the ah..."change of direction" at the end of the series to be so...SUDDEN...but thinking about it, it makes sense.  For some reason I expected that to start happening earlier, but it really was compacted into the last little bit.  Anyways, now I'm making my way through the latter parts of Onii Sama e...which has had some quite nice episodes.  I don't really know what to say about it without having to explain a lot of other things about the anime, so I won't really bother, but it has been good. Not much melee these days, but one thing that is exciting is that Rishi and KJH made it into summit!  Woot!  Should be a good lineup!  That's pretty exciting. Also been catching up on going through random music that I've got backlogged on my drive, including Chronology (jazz rearrangement album of Chrono Trigger, it's pretty nice!), as well as Harmony of Heroes (super smash bros giant rearrangement album) and the Final Smash extension (those two didn't have that much that was to my liking, but a few things here and there were nice).  As I said, it just feels nice to be making progress on things.  I even went through all of my accumulated deviantArt notifications the other day, haha.  I'm actually trying to get back into my habit of using my little batch script to open up a bunch of websites every morning for me to check for updates!  Anyways, all of these things feel great to be going back to.  I should also be putting out my "Monthlies" release for this month relatively soon too!