#i need to move countries or get a tattoo or dye my hair a stupid colour

[percysheliey]

i need to do something crazy or might flip

[ajthedumbass]

Stranger Things Band AU

TW for themes of abuse, parental neglect, mental health issues (and things like sh and su*cidal thoughts) and underage weed/alcohol use

So I made a series of moodboards for tiktok of my band AU, so lemme show you. Please reblog and leave replies and stuff, it took me 3 days to make this post because the app is stupid TvT.

A lot of this is based on an rp with my partner (though the band wasn’t the main focus, so a lot of this is also expanded on from those ideas), so credit to them for helping create and inspire me further @mjthechaotic

Background

This AU would take place in modern times, with S4 happening in 2016 and the band forming in early 2017. Eddie does live, and helps the kids a ton when they’re first starting out. They also defeat Vecna before the gates opened. The band is called The Demodogs.

Ships for this AU are Byler, Elumax (in the flavor of they all date each other and not just both of them with Max), and Duzie

Mike Wheeler (He/They)

Mike is the lead vocalist, and occasionally plays guitar when needed. They were the one who thought of the band, and approached Will first, because he wouldn’t have gone through with it if he said no. He writes the majority of the music for the band, but can’t figure out drum annotations for the life of him.

His mom finally fucking divorces Ted in this AU, and he pretty much only wants to spent time with Holly after. Ted’s also a bit of an abusive dick to Mike cause ✨homophobia✨. They have the majority of the band rehearsals in the garage of their house. Karen is just glad he’s doing something he clearly enjoys.

Mike is demiboy and gay (gender roles, who’s that?)

Will “Zombie Boy” Hopper-Byers (He/Him)

Will is the rhythm guitarist and does backup vocals. He decided to reclaim Zombie Boy as a cool sounding stage name (Jonathan’s speech in S2 may have made him like the name more). He designed the band logo and even painted it on the bass drum for Max. He had lots of stage fright at first but slowly gained confidence and overcame it.

When Joyce and Hopper finally got married, they decided to hyphenate all their names. Him and Jonathan started calling Hopper dad (Will did before Jonathan) because Lonnie is an abusive piece of trash. When Lonnie finds out about the band’s success, he tries to show up to get some of the money from it, but Will pulls a badass move and chases him off the property with the shotgun.

He’s gay like in canon

Jane “Eleven” Hopper-Byers (She/They)

El is bassist and a backup vocalist. She’s the “mom” of the group, making sure everyone has water and snacks at rehearsal. She also likes to use her powers to play jokes sometimes. Made Eleven their stage name so their friends wouldn’t have to constantly correct to Jane in order to hide it. She got her bass in Lenora as a 15th birthday gift from Joyce. She and Will are often clumped together as the “Byers twins” and they just go with it.

They asked their dad if they could dye their hair pink. They settled on a compromise of pink bangs, and Max dyed them. She has a small tattoo of a flower on her left wrist (opposite to the 011). Hopper did allow them to get it because it’s easy to hide when needed and Joyce reminded him she has one she didn’t have a choice in, and letting her have one she actually likes could help her.

El is demigirl, pansexual, and polyamorous

Lucas Sinclair (He/Him)

Lucas is the lead guitarist. Only reason anyone found out he could even play was because Erica spilled it to everyone. He does actually write lyrics for songs, but most of the time he’s too insecure about them to show anyone. He has a very diverse music taste, listening to everything from R&B and rap to heavy metal and americana (keep country the fuck away from him though). He did get his ears pierced and was a bit cocky about it after, so Max had to (affectionately) humble him a bit.

Between Hellfire, basketball, and the band, he has a packed schedule. His parents at first were concerned that the band would cause his grades to drop but the opposite happened. They were both super proud of his grades, and they stopped the car so he could call the others when one of their songs came on the radio for the first time.

Bisexual disaster incarnate, and polyamorous.

Maxine “MADMAX” Mayfield (She/They/He)

Drummer for the Demodogs. Dustin helped modify their drum set to be more functional with their mobility issues, since once he woke up from the coma, they had chronic nerve issues. She uses drumming as a form of therapy for all the anger and trauma. They constantly make fun of Mike for not being able to write the sheet music for the drums.

Things at home improved slowly for them. His mom’s drinking got much worse before it got better. Susan’s wake up call was the time she found Max’s wheelchair had tipped over three hours later because she was passed out drunk on the couch. The two of them were able to move out of the trailer and move in with Dustin and his mom (are they lesbians or are they platonic? you decide!), so the two of them kinda have a sibling relationship from living together. Since Max is still a skater at heart, she likes to do wheelies and chase people down with their wheelchair. Does need glasses now since their vision seriously declined after Vecna cured them.

Max is genderfluid, omnisexual, and polyamorous.

Dustin Henderson (He/Him)

Dustin plays keyboard and uses a talk box. He initially planned on being manager, but got roped in by the others. When they were coming up with the name, he suggested Scoops Troop, and then had to be reminded he was the only one who had been on the scoops troop. He helps a lot with the sound mixing and works with Suzie manage their social media by helping with editing videos and shit. Also, he and Mike are total music theory nerds.

Like all things, Claudia is super supportive of him and the band. She definitely sends Dustin with extra snacks to practice, so between him and El, the gang is set. Claudia also recognises how little Steve’s parents are in his life and basically adopts him as her son, even though he’s an adult. Plus, Max and their mom move in, so he goes from being the only child to a single mom, to a kid with two siblings and two moms (platonic co-parents, or lesbians? again, you decide!) He does occasionally wish his dad was there to see how far he’s come, but seeing his mom(s) and Steve being there for him always makes him smile.

Dustin is trans FtM and a bisexual king.

Suzie Bingham (She/Her)

Suzie is the social media manager and sound producer for the band. She uses her knowledge of how different apps use their algorithms to push content in order to give them an upper hand in being noticed. She also finds the technical side of music to be interesting and learned to use a complicated music software in a day that took Dustin months to figure out and master. She decided she didn’t like it and programmed her own that fit the band’s purposes.

Suzie moved away from home to Hawkins with Eden when she turns 18 and graduates. She wanted space to be her own person (as did Eden, and she was tired of being resident babysitter). She is still quite religious, but her views are more flexible than they were before and she has the ability to choose what she thinks is right for her and her life.

Suzie is pansexual (fite me, I dare you)

Erica Sinclair (She/Her)

Erica is financial and scheduling manager. How did she get involved? Came to a practice to annoy Lucas and started an argument over logistics with Dustin. Decided they were all hopeless without her and took the position. She goes to meetings with people all the time who think it’s a joke that she’s handling their finances, until they see what she’s capable of. She has saved them ungodly amounts of money. She has also almost gotten them thrown out of venues a few times by arguing with the managers (even though they deserved it). Also do not leave her and Max in the same room. They may just plot world domination.

Despite her intelligence, she struggles to be taken seriously by teachers and has to really fight them on letting her skip a grade (cough racism and misogyny cough), knowing she deserves to. She’s allowed to, and excels in her classes. She does believe in the free market, but thinks American capitalism is failing, biased, and has too many roadblocks for minorities.

I don’t have any specific queer headcanon for Erica, but I have seen both aroace and lesbian headcanons out there, and I love them both equally.

Ship hcs for this AU

Byler

Mike broke up with El because he liked Will and she liked Max and Lucas. It took him a month to finally get the courage to ask him

Will thought he was still dating El cause no one knew they had broken up and almost cussed him out for doing that to his twin sister

They did get together though after Mike frantically explained everything

They are 100% the two that are late to practice for making out, even though practice is literally in Mike’s garage

Help each other with anxiety before gigs

Will stole weed from Jonathan impulsively one time. The two of them being high in Will’s room just staring at each other and trying to poke each other on the nose is something Jonathan wishes he had his phone or camera for so he could make fun of them after

Will is taller and Mike is 100% grumpy about it (he secretly loves it)

(Sadder ones so skip to next ship if you don’t want angst)

Will helps Mike a lot after his parents divorce and it’s clear Ted wants barely anything to do with his older two kids cause he understands that feeling with Lonnie

Will was the only one Mike felt safe enough to go to about his thoughts of hurting or unaliving himself, or the time he did end up self harming after a particularly bad fight with his dad

Elumax

Getting this out of the way, but yes, they all date, you can argue with the wall

Max and Lucas is obvious, they finally stop being on and off after Max wakes up and just stay together (and yes, they get their movie date when Max wakes up)

Max had feelings for El since their sleepover in Season 3. El talks to him first after her breakup with Mike and they decide with Lucas to go for it because they make their own rules

El and Lucas bond while Max is in the coma. Lucas felt a ton of guilt because he thought he was being a bad boyfriend at the time for thinking of El like that. They start dating a month or two after Max and El start.

El steals both of their partners clothes constantly. She has a hoard of their shirts and hoodies in her room at all times

Max likes having El in her lap while Lucas pushes the chair. El worries a lot that it’s too much for him to push, but Max just shrugs and says it’s good exercise for basketball while Lucas rolls his eyes

Lucas lets El doodle on his arms with markers in the school colors before games so he “looks bitchin’”

When Max finds out about Angela, they give El a high five for what she did at Rink-O-Mania, then makes multiple instagram accounts to cyber bully her

Everyone expects Lucas to be the extremely protective one, given his girlfriend is sunshine incarnate and his partner is disabled, except one will filing you with her mind and the other will run you over in his wheelchair

(Angst ones again so skip if you don’t want to)

Max calls them drunk one time and while it’d be one thing if they had been with like Mike or Dustin hanging out, she was completely by herself. Both of them show up to check on them, and it turns out he wanted to see why his mom would use that as an escape and understood after a while.

El gets nightmares a lot about the lab and Brenner, so it’s not uncommon for one or both of them to be woken up to texts saying she’s scared because of it

Lucas often feels very very guilty about Max’s conditions. He feels it’s his fault for not doing more to stop Jason so he could help Max sooner

Duzie

Nerd x Geek what more can I say

Karaoke night dates once a month and they always do Never-ending story

They were actually cabin mates in camp Nowhere because stupid transphobic camp put Dustin with the girls

It’s okay though, they fell in love<3™️

Absolutely precious, the two of them must be protected at all costs.

Dustin gets her into DnD when she moves to Hawkins

Eddie constantly complains about how they get distracted being romantic during missions but also secretly sets up more moments cause it’s cute in a “sickeningly sweet way”

Suzie is the one who takes care of Dustin after top surgery

When they’re older Dustin brings her on stage to propose at one of their concerts🥺

The ring looks like the necklace one of the characters of Neverending Story wears (I saw it once when I was like 6 so it’s a vague memory but like this:)

Her dad doesn’t approve because Dustin is agnostic and trans but they get married anyways

(Only angst one and it’s barely angsty)

Suzie straight up decks a guy when they’re at the pool because he saw Dustin’s top surgery scars and called him a slur. She didn’t even pray for forgiveness after because “I have zero regret and I’d do it again”

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #322

“you will hear it when your god cries  /  you will see it when the sun dies  /  upon the altars of change”

What is your favorite nickname that you’ve had? "Bee," from my old best friend. I don't want others calling me it, though. Where did you go on the best date you’ve been on? A big arcade. It was a super fun double-date. Have you ever gotten a professional massage? No, and I don't want one. It'd be so awkward. What’s your favorite milkshake flavor? Chocolate. What act would you be most likely to perform in a talent show? I got nothin'. If you had braces, do you wear your retainers still? I don't. If you had braces, have your teeth moved since you got them off? Yep, because of the whole "not wearing my retainer" thing. Whose was the first baby shower you remember attending, and for what baby? I'm unsure. Possibly my sister's for her first daughter. Do you know anyone personally who’s lost a child? Many people. When was the last time you did something that felt like rebellion? So every now and again, I get a massive craving for soda at night, so I grab one from the kitchen and can hear my sleeping mother rightfully nagging me about it, haha... What is one present you got for your last birthday? Ashley got me this really cool skull bank that says "tattoo fund" on it, aha. I love it. What is one thing that you took to show and tell as a kid? I have a clear memory of bringing a Snorlax plushie one day. Do you remember losing your first tooth? Not my first, no. Are you afraid to pop a balloon? Not really, but it's kinda easy to make me jump just a lil bit when one is popped. When was the last time you laughed when you shouldn’t have? I don't know. Which was better: the first The Lion King or the second? That is fucking HARD. I adore both, but I think the original is slightly better. Do any of your grandparents have a tattoo? I'm pretty sure none of them did. Do you believe that your pets feel love towards you? My cat, definitely. As for my snake, I'm aware that snakes' brains simply aren't developed enough for love, but she clearly trusts me. Are you proud of your body? Fuck no. I'm humiliated by it every waking moment. Watermelon or cherries? I don't like either, but if I had to pick, watermelon. Favourite brand of cookies? I don't really have a favorite brand. Have you ever stuck gum under a desk/chair? No, that shit grosses me out. When shopping at a grocery store, do you return your cart or just leave it? Return your goddamn cart. What is one thing you’d never want your parents to find out? Uhhhh. I guess places I've "done it." When you were little, did you like Dr. Suess books? I did. Do you like eating out at restaurants? Yeah; at least, before Covid. What was your least favorite year of your life so far? Fuck 2016 into the next millenium. Do you like fried bologna? I haven't had it in so long that I don't really remember the taste. I think I would. Have you spent money on a game online? Yeah, very briefly with WoW. Mom was nice enough to refresh my subscription after the breakup (Jason paid for it prior), but from then on, I was rich enough in-game to use monthly game tokens to "pay." Do you put a line through your "7"s? Yes. What about your "Z"s? Also yes. Do you like cold pizza? Yeah, yummy. Do you like broccoli and cheese? Yessss. Toaster or toaster oven? We've always used a toaster oven. What are you most known for? Being artsy, I guess. Do you have any reputations? What are they? *shrug* What was the last thing to leave you speechless? No clue. What is the curviest part of your body? Well, I'm overweight, so it's difficult to tell where I'm naturally curvy... but I guess my hips. Even when I was at a perfectly healthy weight though, I don't think I was exceptionally curvy anywhere. What is your opinion on sex change? You are entirely deserving to feel comfortable in your own body. If you’re still a virgin, how important is your virginity to you? I'm not, though I thought I was when we were together, when we were really just using a loophole. It was a denial thing BECAUSE my virginity was so important to me. If you have lost it already, do you regret it? No. Would you take a break after graduating from high school (like, postpone going to college for a year or so)? I didn't. What regret keeps coming back to haunt you daily? Things I said to Jason. If you could cure yourself of one allergy, what would it be? Pollen. Would you ever post a picture of yourself crying on social media? No. Have you ever held a newborn baby? Yeah, my most recent niece I actually held. I don't THINK I held Aubree or Ryder as newborns because I was so afraid of not doing it right and hurting them. Do you know anyone who has twins? Yeah. Are you following in the career path of any family members? No. What is your favorite country in Europe? Germany. How many times have your comments been top comments on YouTube? A few times. I rarely ever comment, but if I do, it's because I feel like I really have something worth saying. Would you ever wear a wig? I'm not opposed to it. Do you like the moon or sun more? The moon. Do you like turkey or ham more? Ham. Have you ever slapped someone’s butt? Yes. Do you think dimples are ugly? I think they're cute, actually. Have you ever deleted Facebook friends for a significant other? No. Have you ever spent the night in jail? No. Do you consider yourself a good kisser? I assume I am from experiences. Do you watch Pewdiepie? Not anymore, no. His current content doesn't interest me. The most recent thing I watched was his playthrough of The Last of Us 2, because I adore the first game and definitely wanted to see him play the sequel. I think he's pretty funny and have no personal issues against him, though then again I am so uninvolved in the fandom that I have no idea if he's done something stupid again. Do you like "Despacito?" Haha, my mind went to The Dark Den's bearded dragon before the song... I'm not a fan of it, no. Did you ever color your hair pink? No, but I absolutely want to dye it pastel pink one day. :( I even edited a picture of me "testing" different hair colors out, and pastel pink looked suuuuper pretty. Do you drink energy drinks? No, they're too strong for my taste. Do you have any subscribers on YouTube? I don't now how many I have, but I know it's below 100. Do you have a Steam account? Yeah. Have you ever played Five Nights at Freddy’s? No, but I enjoy the franchise. I'm not totally clear on all the lore, though. Do you like religion? Quite honestly, no. Do you swear in front of children? No. What is the next craft you are going to make? There's no telling. I don't really do crafts. What was your favorite Backstreet Boys song? Maybe "The Call." Favorite *N Sync song? I don't remember enough of them, at least not right now. Which of those two bands did you like best? The BSB, baby. Do you learn choreography easily? When I danced, I'd say I learned at a fairly average pace. What’s your favorite candy to receive on Halloween? Reeseeeeeee's. <3 Do you have a bobblehead? No. Have you ever had a lead role in a play? No. Have you ever been insulted or called names by a significant other? No. I wouldn't tolerate that shit. What’s your favorite movie battle scene? Oh man, idk. Maybe something from Troy, though I honestly barely even remember the movie by now, haha. Have you ever been to a same-sex wedding? No, actually. Who takes care of your pet(s) when you’re out of town? Hypothetically, one of my sisters would come to feed and water Roman and clean his box. I'm certain I couldn't talk either into spraying Venus' cage, though... What was the last thing you wrote down on paper? Some group work during therapy. Did you have a Walkman when you were a kid? No. What’s your favorite recipe you’ve come up with? Oh dear, I don't make those. Do you like celery? Yuck, no. By what age could you swallow pills? I dunno. A normal age. Do you like to drink alot of water? I need to drink more. :/ I've gotten better, though. For years, I literally never drank water. How I even survived, idk. How many times have you gone fishing? Countless times. Ever been to a roller-skating rink? Yeah. I loved having bday parties there as a lil'un. What do you refer to your mother as? (Mom, momma, mommy) Mom, Ma, and Mama. Have you ever swam in the ocean? Yeah, multiple times. What is the last movie that made you cry? I think the remake of The Lion King. What would you like to swim in other than water? Nothing? If you could uninvent one thing what would you chose? Damn, just one? Maybe cigarettes? Have you ever read someone's diary? Absolutely not. I respect people's privacy. Have you ever played in a waterfall? No, but that'd be dope. Who has inspired you the most in your life? Probably Mark. Is there a place where everyone who lives near you tends to hang out? Idk. Teens sure do love to hang out at Sonic, though, reving their stupid fucking trucks. Does your alarm clock wake you with music, or with an annoying buzz sound? Music. Did you make it all the way through the Oregon Trail game? Yes; I was obsessed with those as a kid. Lions and tigers and bears, oh my! Which one are you more scared of? I feel like being alone with a tiger would scare me most. Though let's be real, I'd probably try to pet it. Have you ever changed your favorite color? From what to what? It was originally red, but then became pink when I actually understood it was its own color. Then it was maroon forever, and now it's back to pink. On a scale of 1-10, how competitive are you? Eh, 4-6? It depends on the situation, I guess. At what age did your have your most memorable birthday? My 21st, because I was in the psych hospital for it. Yes or no: Guys in skinny jeans? Yeah, man. Yes or no: Girls with dreads? Some people can pull it off. Have you ever attended a themed b-day party? What was the theme? Oh yeah, plenty. Do you have any Eminem on your iPod/MP3 player? I do. Has anybody ever given you a promise ring? No. What do you think about putting ‘spinners’ on cars? So long as they're not too distracting, I don't care. Do what you want with your car - again, so long as it is not disruptive. What celebrity do you wish would have a big comeback? I wish poor Britney Spears could catch a goddamn break and be happy again. She's a legend that doesn't deserve to feel like a puppet. Were you outdoors or indoors more as a kid? I'd say there was a pretty even split. Do you or have you ever owned a horse? No, but I LOVE horses. Have you ever had a relationship that began via text? (weird, I know, but it happens…) Most of my relationships started through a text message. Did you believe in unicorns as a small child? I don’t think so. Would you ever date a guy with longer hair than yourself? Yeah; I have short hair anyway, and I also like long hair on guys. Do you watch the show Wizards of Waverly Place? I used to love that show. Have you ever been to the rainforest? No; humidity aside though, that would be so amazing. Bats are not spooky or are they? I think they're precious. Do you like the song "Womanizer?" I sure do, actually. Do you like ice cream cake? Not really, but I'll eat it. Do you know how to change a tire? Nope. What kind of headphones do you have? Just cheap earplugs. Do you experiment a lot with new looks on yourself? No. What were some fun experiments you did in science class as a kid? Dissecting a frog was my favorite, and doing the same with an owl pellet was also very cool. What was the last strong emotion you felt? Guilt. I lied to get out of group therapy early because I was just NOT feeling it whatsoever that day, and I hate lying. Do you use dry shampoo between washes? No. Have you ever lived with someone you didn’t get along with? No. What types of animals have you had as pets? Jeez, what haven't we had... We've had cats, dogs, snakes, rats, gerbils, a rabbit, hamsters, lizards, fish, guinea pigs... Hell, I'm probably forgetting one or two. Can you name three good things about your most recent ex? She's so creative, a real advocate for proper reptile education and appreciation, and very kind. Name three bands/artists that you hate. Uhhh The Talking Heads, Bob Dylan, and The Police. What’s the best memory you have of your father? Playing softball with him in the front yard, and when he taught me to ride a bike. Should tattoos be meaningful? You get a tattoo for whatever reason you damn well want. I don't plan on all of mine to be meaningful. Some stuff I just want because I think it's cool. Are you afraid of the dark? No. Have you ever been through a trap door? No. What's the most recent good news you’ve heard? Hm. Who was the last person in your family to have a baby? My older sister. When’s the last time you used the microwave? Last night. What’s the worst thing in your life right now? Financial struggles. Have you ever owned a tire swing? No. Does anyone you know own a bird that can talk? No. Have you ever been someplace tropical? Yeah, Florida. Have Jehovah'ss witnessess ever called to your door? Yep. when was the last time you went to mass/church? I have no idea. It's been many years. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? Thank heavens no.

[findteenpenpals]

Hey :) second time's the charm (?)

Hey, my name is Lily, I'm from Canada and I'm pretty much 18 but like not but I'm just gonna say I'm 18 because...adult. Ive submitted here before and have met some cool people but (and this is 100% my fault) we stopped talking and yeah. I love the idea of having friends around the world and i honestly just don't meet enough interesting people where I live so I'm desperate for friends :p Seeing as how I'm crazy and will make this post a novella ill try and wrap this up. (edit: that didn't happen! this is long AF!)

About me:

- I love angry(?) music but i hate talking about my favourite bands and stuff because i can't commit to liking bad for longer than 3 months so i never really know anything about anyone.

- i love spooky things and am obsessed with knowing about them but I'm an absolute baby and can't sit through "the orphan" let alone any other horror film

-i love to read terrible teen novels and scream about how bad they are but continue to waste my money buying more

- I love dyeing my hair, getting piercings (have done a few of my own) and love tattoos too much for my own good

- i like (oh how "like" is the most inappropriate word for this sentence) Harry Potter and will stand by Snape until I'm 6ft under ground (FIGHT ME).

- I live for witchcraft and wicca (although i don't consider myself a wicca/witch just yet)

- im a slam poet (who never actually preforms her poems because where does one do that???)

- I'm very self deprecating and that is what most of my humour revolves around

-i can speak and write in both english and french (but I'm absolutely terrible at writing in french so scratch that! i can understand it perfectly but writing is an issue)

- I'm both 4 and 74 years old, I'm (as i describe it because labels suck) whateverthefuck-sexual and I swear i have more interests but I'm too stupid to remember any of them.

- I'm also just a complete mess

Looking for:

-anyone age 16-20 from any country (i don't sleep ever so time zones will hopefully not be that big of a deal)

- any gender,sexuality,race,religion, etc,etc (honestly don't understand why that would matter at all in a friendship) and is open minded and accepting of all of these things too.

-someone who has the same interests but also not the same because thats boring, and someone who will excuse my terrible ability at friendship creating

I promise ill be less awkward once I'm comfortable with you

(also need to apologize for any spelling of grammar mistakes, I'm way too lazy to try and fix those atm)

(looking to start off with messages but maybe once the friendship is stronger move on to video/audio calls because I'm way more fun on the phone haha)

my tumblr is @violavamp

Hope to meet some rad/sick/groovy/rockin'/other dad synonyms people :p

[autipsy]

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT OUTLINE

TAGGED BY: @electorofhell ily <33 TAGGING: @shinikubi, @noppera-boo, @diamondhortensia, @xeglantine,  @heimxfashi, @puppcteer, @kumonoiito, @batoushoujo​, @dualias, @reginae-noctis

ORIGINS AND FAMILY

NAME: Minagawa Kazuki NICKNAME: Kazu REASON FOR NAME: I guess his parents picked a name that means ‘harmonious’ because they hoped he’d grow up to shut his fucking mouth??? BIRTHDAY: April 19th AGE: 27 (2 in vampire years!!) GENDER: Male PLACE OF BIRTH: Fukuoka PLACES LIVED SINCE: Tokyo

PARENTS’ NAMES, BACKGROUNDS, AND OCCUPATIONS

1. Yuuta (father) –           A. Oldest of four children, raised in Koyagi. Though his family once owned a sizable proportion of the shipping yards there and technically come from old money, a lot of their wealth was lost following the war, leaving him the only child his family could afford to send to university, and thereby placing an inordinate amount of pressure to succeed upon his shoulders. Studied in medicine in Nagasaki, where he was influenced both vocationally and religiously by the work of Takashi Nagai. Eventually moved to Fukuoka to further his career at the age of 28.           B. Radiologist, takes his career incredibly seriously — works long, unsociable hours, frequently away from the prefecture / country for the sake of conferences or business trips. Tends to see things in terms of career opportunity more so than anything else (ie. his marriage / eagerness to have a child stemmed from career advancement being far easier if he could be perceived as a ‘family man’)

2. Ikuko (mother) –              A.  Only child, born and raised in Kamikoshiki. Her parents were agricultural workers, and though she initially gave up work to look after her daughter, her mother eventually had to return to her job in order to make ends meet, meaning that as soon as Ikuko was old enough to be left alone and escort herself to school and so on, that was often the case. Didn’t particularly want to live in the countryside for the rest of her life and left home at the age of 18 to pursue OL work in Fukuoka.              B.  Worked as a receptionist prior to her marriage at the age of 23, gave birth to her son little under a year later. As a mother, she was pretty much the epitome of the kyōiku mama stereotype — didn’t  consider herself ready nor particularly want to be a parent,  and consequently didn’t know how to bond or play with her child, instead relying on early academic institutes (pre-preschool, preschool, juku, etc...).

NUMBER OF SIBLINGS: 0 RELATIONSHIP WITH FAMILY: Poor. His education always took priority above his emotional and at times, physical well being, not to mention it was something that he personally had no interest in and gleaned no enjoyment from, so consequently he’s always felt pretty emotionally disconnected from and a little resentful towards them. Understandably it became a lot more... strained when he moved away from home and between him dropping out of uni and having little direction outside of that.... Kazuki’s something of a huge disappointment to his parents. He’s rarely in contact with them these days, out of obligation he’ll go to see them during important holidays / family events — he still loves them and feels some degree of societal obligation towards them, but... conversation with them’s pretty limited.  HAPPIEST MEMORY: It’s really clichéd, but looking at it retrospectively, he’d probably say it was finishing high school / passing university entrance exams? There was an inordinate amount of pressure on him to succeed academically, and being at juku until 10/11 most nights cost him what most would consider an ordinary social life and left him kinda... permanently tired out. So, not having that on his shoulders was something of a huge relief!! CHILDHOOD TRAUMA: There’s nothing that particularly qualifies for trauma, really? He lived a fairly sheltered childhood, tbh. He was genuinely terrified of the consome panchi dog, and he’s fairly wary of dogs nowadays after being bitten by one when he was a kid, but that’s about the extent of it. CHILDREN OF THEIR OWN: Nope, lowkey he really wants them though!

PHYSICAL

HEIGHT: 169 cm WEIGHT: 57 kg BUILD:  Slender, but in no way muscular? He’s a soft boy!! NATIONALITY: Japanese DISABILITIES: None. COMPLEXION: Pale, like deathly pale — he’s got that ‘washed out single mum of 5′ quality to his skin, burns up when left in the sun. FACE SHAPE: I have literally never in all my life been able to describe face shapes, he looks like this. DISTINGUISHING FACIAL FEATURES: Cheek scars!! He’s got a puncture wound in his left cheek that makes it look like he’s got a really stupid dimple when he smiles. HAIR COLOR: Dark red, he dyes it pretty frequently, but it’s naturally black! EYE COLOR: Brown. GLASSES/CONTACTS: Literally doesn’t need them, but he wears fake glasses sometimes because he’s delusional and thinks he looks cool. Also wears coloured contacts to work!! STYLE OF DRESS: Like he thinks he models for sex pot revenge.   HEALTH: Moderately poor — it’s mostly his own fault though, since he’s too fussy to drink a decent amount of blood he’s frequently exhausted / more prone to illness, and since his job requires him to drink a lot, alcohol-related illnesses are a fairly frequent occurrence for him. GROOMING: Meticulous. He takes a lot of pride in his appearance, and success in his job largely hinges on it, so his make-up / skincare / haircare routines are pretty thorough! JEWELRY, TATTOOS, PIERCINGS: He wears a lot of jewelry, mostly rings / necklaces for that vis kei aesthetic™!! He has two microdermal implants on either side of his hips, as well as several ear piercings though they’re never particularly... consistent? When he loses the jewelry for them he almost never remembers to replace it, just lets the wound close up and gets them pierced again whenever he can be bothered! ACCENT:  Really distinctive Kyushu accent, he puts a lot of conscious effort into speaking standard Japanese, but if he’s tired / drunk / etc...  he slips into Hakata dialect a lot! PHYSICAL HABITS: An actual 5 year old who constantly fidgets, pouts and puffs his cheeks. He’s fairly restless, the kind of person who constantly has to be moving in some way or another; peels labels off of bottles, bites his lip when thinking, does that horrible leg shaking thing when he’s particularly antsy. He’s also not used to having fangs quite yet, so he’s in the ‘habit’ of biting his tongue quite a lot!

INTELLECT

LEVEL OF EDUCATION: Some university, he’s a drop out! But overachieving as a high school student.... not that it counts for anything, he’s still dumb as bricks.  LEVEL OF SELF ESTEEM: On a superficial level he comes across as being incredibly confident, responds well to criticism / being poked fun at. But beyond that and like more or less everyone else, he’s very fluctuating? While he certainly has no issues with his looks — his personality, specifically his lack of direction / ambition is something more of a sore spot (even more so now that he has eternity to contend with and no idea what to do with it), especially in conjunction with his inability to prioritize his own affairs, he ultimately just feels like he’s incredibly lacking in maturity when compared to his peers.  TALENTS: None, he’s chaotic useless. He’s got a pretty good way with people when he tries! His cognitive / affective empathy levels are excessively high, so he’s got a pretty innate sense for how to make people feel at ease / feel comforted when they need it, which stands him in good stead when it comes to his job as a host! SHORTCOMINGS: Laziness  — doesn’t apply himself to anything; can’t motivate himself to endure things he doesn’t particularly like for the sake of future success, quickly becomes disillusioned with things he’s passionate about when they become the focus of work / studies. As much as it can be advantageous, empathy’s also a pretty huge drawback for him — he’s overabundant in it, so he often struggles to prioritize himself and his own bs, finds himself being heavily affected / influenced by the problems of others to the point that it’s not uncommon for him to burn out, as a vamp it really holds him back  — even if he got over his childish dislike of blood, the inability to emotionally disconnect from his victims would keep him from being able to feed properly! He’s also incredibly easily manipulated tbh, has a huge amount of trouble leaving damaging situations wherein he believes the other person to be in a bad place!  STYLE OF SPEECH: Really informal,  comes across as pretty rude to people he doesn’t know well — uses ‘familiar’ honorifics almost immediately after meeting a person, bypasses the formality of calling them by their surname in favour of giving them some obnoxious nickname. Started referring to himself using ‘atashi’ ironically and now he can’t stop doing it. ARTISTIC/MATHEMATICAL: Artistic things come a lot more naturally to him! MAKES DECISIONS ON EMOTION OR LOGIC: Emotion, he’s an over empathetic ho who’s never made a logical decision in all his life. LIFE PHILOSOPHY: Doesn’t really have one tbh, he’s honestly just here for a laff x RELIGIOUS STANCE: Messy? He’s not entirely sure what he believes, his father converted to catholicism during his time at university and owing to that, Kazuki grew up in a fairly strict Christian household, and a lot of his morality is dictated by that — however, in adulthood he doesn’t really adhere to any of the beliefs he was raised with — jesus and so on, miss him with that shit! He still holds a lot of miscellaneous spiritual beliefs though, the afterlife, fate, etc... vehemently denies it but also lowkey believes in astrology. CAUTIOUS/DARING: Neither? He’s more reckless than anything else, gets himself into risky situations because he’s a dumb boy who doesn’t think things through. EXTROVERT/INTROVERT: Both? He fluctuates between constantly having to be around people and never being able to shut the fuck up, and then... getting burned out by it all and needing to spend at least a week alone, face down in bed. LEVEL OF COMFORT WITH TECHNOLOGY: Fairly comfortable, but careless and not to be trusted? Drops his phone at least 8 times a day!!

RELATIONSHIPS

RELATIONSHIP STATUS: He loves a dumb boy. SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Bisexual PAST RELATIONSHIPS: He’s had... a lot of flings? Because of his job he rarely gets super involved with people, most of his relationships tend to last a maximum of three months! He’s had one serious girlfriend who he dated for three years though! But that died a death around the time he became a vampire, so... PRIMARY REASON FOR BEING BROKEN UP WITH: He’s got a scumbag job where he flirts with lonely women and acts like their boyfriend for money and can’t sort out his priorities for shit, so there’s little hope of getting him to leave it. PRIMARY REASON FOR BREAKING UP WITH PEOPLE: Frequently mistakes strong platonic feelings for romantic ones and ends up in relationships he actually has very little desire to be in because of it. He says it’s because his work schedule’s way too hectic and that’s not fair on the other person though. LEVEL OF SEXUAL EXPERIENCE: Pretty damn high, he’s a ho. MOST COMFORTABLE AROUND WHO: He can seem at ease with just about anyone? Generally he likes people who are very... even-tempered though? Erratic / angry people get him shook, and on a much deeper let’s get drunk and talk about our feelings while crying level, he’s only really comfortable with people he’s known for at least 3+ years.  OLDEST FRIEND: Tsu’s a rly old man. A former co-worker of his called Nao, who he’s known for just over 6 years! Kazu’s not really able to keep human friends for any great length of time now though, because he’s not aging and it looks real suspish! (: HOW DO THEY THINK OTHERS PERCEIVE THEM: Pretty boy, kind of childish and annoying. He definitely wants to come across as someone who’s very open and warm? But by and large he doesn’t particularly bother himself with what other people think enough to dwell on it unless he’s close to them? So he’s just kind of  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  in as far as this goes. HOW DO OTHERS ACTUALLY PERCEIVE THEM: He definitely comes across as being fairly rude / over familiar to people he’s just met! Beyond that it’s kind of... incredibly circumstantial and dependent on the others in question? His general appearance and style of dress is very outwith the norm and fairly easily perceived as ‘scary’ and his job puts him in a... less that favourable standing as far as society’s concerned, so he doesn’t tend to make particularly good first impressions in that regard! well-meaning, if somewhat bedazzled and naive... a trashcan, but he’s kind of cute!

VOCATION

PROFESSION: Host PAST OCCUPATION(S): Student, he worked in retail for a while but that was pretty short lived! ATTITUDE TOWARDS CURRENT JOB: He certainly comes across as someone who enjoys it! But in reality he’s a lot more... conflicted about things? Like it was something he got into back when he really needed the money and wasn’t.... entirely aware of what he was getting himself in for? And he’s pretty miserable in it, it takes a huge toll on his physical / emotional well being, isn’t at all favourably looked upon by society, severely restricts his personal life and his ability to sustain relationships. But on the flipside, he’s good at it, it earns him a lot of money — far more than any other career he could pursue with his current qualifications, and the underlying idea (even if in practice it’s lost) of giving support / comfort to people feeds into his empathy, and since he feels like his customers have a degree of emotional dependency on him, he’d have a very hard time leaving. It’s definitely not something he saw himself doing forever though, he just lacked any idea of what else to do with his life and now that his looks aren’t going to fade, he’s even more lacking in the motivation to really try and leave or work that out. If you’ve ever seen the great happiness space, he’s the guy who gets drunk towards the end and starts straight up sobbing about dreams. ATTITUDE TOWARDS CURRENT COWORKERS/BOSSES/EMPLOYEES: He thinks he’s prettier than all of them and honestly, that’s all that counts. ‘I like you, but I don’t particularly trust you’. Because of the weird hours a lot of his friend group is comprised of his colleagues, so he considers important to be on good terms with them! But it’s a pretty shady industry and there are certain practices exercised by people that make him somewhat hesitant to get involved with them. By and large I think he likes most of them on a superficial level, but doesn’t currently consider anyone to be actual friend material?? SALARY: It varies from month to month, since it’s a percentage of the money his personal customers spend on entry fees / alcohol / etc... but considering his popularity, during good months it’s often somewhere in the range of  ¥5,000,000 — a lot of that ends up getting lost to buying new make-up / clothes for work and paying off the mob because some of his customers haven’t paid their own debts though (:

SECRETS

LIFE GOALS: He claims that he’s working towards becoming a famous make-up artist, he’s just continuing to work as host while he still looks young enough (even tho that’s always going to be the case) for the sake of the money!! But in all honesty he has very little in the way of direction or hope for his future? He had very little in the way of independence growing up, so without things being strictly regimented to him, he really struggles to strive for anything. DREAMS: Honestly he’s really boring when it comes to this?? Like it’s nothing wild, he’s just gay and weak and believes in soulmates, and deeply unfortunately, wants to have a family of his own. He also wants to be human again but hey-ho!  GREATEST FEARS: The consome panchi dog. Confrontation / aggression is probably his most inhibiting fear? While his social life is very active, he feels incredibly disconnected from a lot of the people in it because he follows a pattern of withdrawing / holding back out of fear of causing arguments!! He’s also pretty freaked out by bugs, and wide open spaces with nothing around  — like being in the middle of the ocean in a small boat!! MOST ASHAMED OF: Everything. He’s a walking embarrassment. But primarily his immaturity — not in the sense that he acts like a child (although he does), but more that socially he’s kind of... a little bit of a complete pushover, he can’t deal with conflict to the point that it’s almost a roundabout form of self harm ( ie. he often pays off his customers debts when they can’t / won’t as a means of avoiding conflict with them / the yakuza — picks up a lot of customers who do this on purpose because of how much of a notorious easy mark he is, and the cycle keeps repeating... ), even when he’s completely aware he’s being manipulated, still has a lot of trouble when it comes to saying no to people, and on top of that at his age has absolutely no ambition or hope for the future — even if he does set out goals for himself he usually fails to meet them because he can’t sort out his priorities. He just hasn’t really got a strong foothold in the practical world of being an adult and since he’s at an age where everyone around him’s either... got their lives together or are in the process of doing so it’s?? Pretty embarrassing?? COMPULSIONS: Ruining his own life. Drinking? He has a really hard time moderating this; either he doesn’t drink at all and he stays deadpan sober the whole night, or he starts, can’t stop and gets absolutely wasted and there’s no inbetween.  OBSESSIONS: I don’t think there’s anything that really qualifies for an obsession? Like??? Apparently, he’s obsessed with getting gayer, if that counts?? SECRET HOBBIES: I don’t think there’s anything he really keeps secret in this regard, more so just things he doesn’t go out of his way to talk about? He’s not particularly quick to boast about some of the ‘weirder’ stuff he does — like reading tarot. But he’s also absolutely lying when he says he doesn’t listen to J-Pop! SECRET SKILLS: He can play piano because his parents made him learn when he was a kid! His kanji’s also really good but he deliberately hides that by writing everything (his own name included) in hiragana / katakana. CRIMES COMMITTED: No criminal record, but technically murder and that he’s got some pretty sketchy involvement with the yakuza... WHAT THEY MOST WANT TO CHANGE ABOUT THEIR CURRENT LIFE: He’d probably want to cease being immortal and not have the prospect of abandoning everyone he cares about every few years to conceal that looming over his shoulders, but since that’s not possible, his mascara’s clumpy and he should probably get a new one. WHAT DO THEY MOST WANT TO CHANGE ABOUT THEIR PHYSICAL APPEARANCE: Height, probably? Overall he’s content with his physical appearance, thinks he’s the prettiest™, but he’s short af and would probably rather be on the other side of 1.70m.

DETAILS

DAILY ROUTINE:  If he’s really trying his best he can sometimes manage to wake up before 3pm, he then spends well over an hour on his hair / make-up, he can’t stand to be alone so normally any spare time he has from then on out is spent out in Ikebukuro / Harajuku, or he’s busy being a gay, whichever really. He usually starts work at 9/10pm and carries on until around 3am, and unless he has prior commitments spends the rest of the night thereafter out in clubs with his co-workers... ends up going to bed at around 8/9am, around the time everyone else is getting up for work!!  NIGHT OWL OR EARLY BIRD: Night owl. LIGHT OR HEAVY SLEEPER: Light. FAVORITE FOOD: Inarizushi. Generally he likes junk food though, eats marshmallow fluff straight outta the jar!! LEAST FAVORITE FOOD: He thinks blood tastes like liquid door knobs and pennies, but other than that, it’s natto. LEAST FAVORITE MOVIE:  Ichi rittoru no namida gave him depression. FAVORITE MUSIC: Nagoya Kei LEAST FAVORITE MUSIC: Chart music? There are a few really embarrassing exceptions, but generally pop music’s pretty grating to him! COFFEE OR TEA: Tea. CRUNCHY OR SMOOTH PEANUT BUTTER: Neither. LEFTY OR RIGHTY: Right handed. FAVORITE COLOR: Deep reds / purples! CUSSER: Yeah, he’s always screaming and thinks it’s cool to swear. SMOKER/DRINKER/DRUG USER: Yes / Yes / He dabbles.

[prinxiety-logicalitysanderssides]

1-97 NOW ITS UR TURN I DONT EVEN CARE THAT THIS IS MY MAIN U GOTTA SUFFER TOO

I. BLOODY. DID. IT. ITS TAKEN ME /TWO DAYS/ BUT I’VE DONE IT @princeyandanxiety and I’m tagging @use-it-ironically Ironi u do it too pls. I was subjected to this after I subjected Bella to this so now u have to.

Btw this is NSFW ( some of it) and mentions suicide/depression cause I went there. There is some serious truth tea in this god damnit. I put thought and love into this. And also memes but mostly LOVE and boredom. I also feel like I forgot to answer a question or two but whatever. This is 97 questions long. And it’s 2818 words.

By the end of this, you will understand that I am a wreck

Ask me things1. What’s your middle name? No.

2. What are you listening to right now? The sound of typing cause I’m not listening to music. Also the sound of my breath and the wind in the trees. V/ relaxing. (( that was yesterday, today I’m listening to MCR and sanders Sides videos at a loud volume on chromecast on my tv))

3. What was the last thing you ate? ¼ of a cup of icing sugar. I ate it out of the measuring cup lmao.

4. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? My mum. I do talk to other people, I swear! I’m just not good at phone calls

5. Do you drink? No and I won’t in the future. Lemonade all the way if I have to drink smth.

6. Do you smoke? No and I never ever will.

7. What is the first thing you noticed in someone? Someone as in??? Random or??. In Randoms I usually notice people’s faces and then clothes, especially if they’re eye catching. I notice memorabilia/fan stuff pretty quickly as well.

8. What is your hair color? Brown but I use hair dye to make it partially blue or purple or red sometimes. It doesn’t work very well unless I bleach my hair and I can’t do that till I’m 16 which sucks. I use hair spray every now and again, I have white hair spray and glitter hair spray, and I used to have blue as well. Glitters my favourite . I also have a full rainbow of hair chalk but my friends and I dropped it at one point during the Hair Incident of Grade Eight which is what I’m calling it now.

9. What is your eye color? Blue/Grey ish. 10. Do you wear contacts/glasses? Nope. My mum says I will if I keep looking at my screen for hours on end though. I don’t want glasses cause my 20/20 vision is serving me well and I like it.

11. Dogs or cats? Rabbits.

12. What’s your favorite animal? Rabbits/see above

13. What’s your favorite television show? Gilmore girls. Hands down the best.

14. What’s your favorite movie? I don’t really have one? Princess Bride, Sound of Music and the Captain America movies. Oh and Heathers.

15. What’s your favorite band/singer? I can’t choose but Alessia Cara comes to mind? Scars to your Beautiful? And MCR. And Panic! At the Disco and Fall Out Boy. I’m an emo nightmare tbh

16. How old are you? Bich no u can guess. I’m a minor tho.

17. Do you have a crush on anyone? No. But I want a girlfriend/datemate ( all the boys my age are awful and the girls/nonbinary people r better)

18. What’s your sexual orientation? Pansexual. To keep it simple anyway.

19. What’s your favorite color? Aqua blue/ the green of Australian forests

20. What was your most embarrassing moment? Going up on stage in like,, grade six, for a talent show, that I decided to volunteer for THAT DAY and literally singing which is fine but I kept shuffling not dancing and the other kid I was doing it with was kinda dancing and we fucking sucked. But I’m at a different school half the city away now thank god.

21. Do you ever wish you were someone else? Characters in stories, yeah, but like, I want to be in their universe, with their mind and my mind combined so I’m more them than me but I also remember that I want to give people a piece of my mind and fix the universe and make everyone happy but also have angst before that. I project a lot tbh. Oh well.

22. What were you like when you were a kid? I ran away from the class a lot, a ‘difficult’ and 'problem’ child. I have ADHD.

23. What would your dream house be like? Huge, I would want to have lots of pets and secret rooms and a big library and have it surrounded by country side and let scouts have camps near by and stuff

24. What last made you laugh? There were a few things but I forgot damn. But probably my bunnies antics I swear they r ridiculous sometimes( all the time) (( that was yesterday, today its sanders Sides videos again whoops))

25. What is your favorite word ? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) its called a Lenny and I love it

26. What is your least favorite word? Poo. Or moist. Both are awful.

27. What turns you on? Coffee when I wake up

28. What turns you off? Sleeping pills

29. What is your star sign? Aquarius

30. What are your favorite books? TAMORA PIERCE’S 'The circle of Magic ’ quartet and all of its sequels and Tamora Pierces 'The Lionness’ quartet and her 'Protector of the small’ quartet, really, all of her books. Also the Obernewtyn series which is FUCKING AMAZING. ITS BY AN AUSSIE AUTHOR, ISOBELLE CARMODY WHO IVE MEET TWICE AND THEY R SMAZINGSOWNFKEFKWJCKD YES.

31. Do you have any siblings? Only child, suck it.

32. Do you like to dance?Yes, but I’m not a professional or up to date with the latest ~moves~

33. What is your definition of cheating? This is hard cause my definition is in my head but it’s hard to explain. I’m gonna try though.( ACTUALLY I’m gonna come back and write this later) (( lmao I never did go back and write this but it basically depends on what people in a relationship have agreed it to mean bc I’m tired and this is complicated))

34. Have you ever cheated on someone? No I’ve never dated anyone.

35. Do you regret anything? A few things. Not gonna get into them tho. I do regret not working harder in grade seven and eight.

36. Do you have any phobias? Not really no. I hate leeches with a fiery passion and there are spiders next to my shower which I don’t like but other than that, no.

37. Ever broken any bones? No and I’d like to understand what it feels like tbh

38. Ever come close to death? When I walk anywhere cause I’m yes. Does being suicidal back when I was eleven count? And the fact it recurs every now and again? Also

39. What is your religion, if any? I piece together my own world view, based on many philosophies and science.

40. Have you ever been to a psychiatrist/therapist? I’m going to one rn actually. School counsellor who is great and has lollipops and also let my friends and I play monopoly in her office all lunch. I lost. The bell was about to go so I just flipped the board upside down cause why not? My friends made me clean it up lmao 41. Are looks important in a relationship? Depends

42. Are you more like your mom or your dad? I pray I’m more like my mum as my dad is an awful person tbh

43. What is your favorite season? Whichever one I’m not sneezing in/ when it’s warm/ I don’t really have one

44. Do you have any tattoos? No 45. Do you have any piercings? I did have normal ear piercings but they grew over

46. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had? None

47. Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character? Have you met me

48. Who is your celebrity crush? Thomas Sanders

49. Are you a virgin? Again, have you meet me. YES. Obviously.

50. Do you get jealous easily? Define 'jealous’. I mean, kind of. Not usually.

51. What is your favorite type of food? Pasta.

52. Do you ever want to get married?Depends, I mean, LGBT marriage isn’t legal in Australia for whatever fucking stupid reason ( the reason is homophobic pollies, literally 90% of Australia wants fucking gay marriage goddamnit)

53. Who was your first kiss with? Lmao I haven’t had one

54. Have you ever been cheated on? See above

55. What is your idea of the perfect date? ?'not sure tbh?

56. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Extroverted introvert. I like meeting people and i have lots of friends but I also need my space. I’m an introvert.

57. Do you believe in aliens or life on other planets? After seeing the 'thingu’ video, I hope not. I do believe in other life but not as sentient as us? Well, at least I don’t think we will find any sentient aliens now that we elected trump tbh

58. What talent do you wish you’d been born with?Be a great dancer?

59. What is your saddest memory? Not today Satan

60. Do you believe in love at first sight? I believe you can find someone aesthetically pleasing at first sight, at first talk, you can like them for their personality. So kind of? But not really. Movie love sucks tho. Unrealistic.

61. Do you believe in soul mates? Kind of. I wish we had a soulmate au irl

62. Have you ever dyed your hair? See above ( yes)

63. Has someone ever spread a nasty rumor about you?I don’t really look at gossip so??? No? They could be talking about me all the time lmao I got bullied from 11-13 years old but that’s different and now I can’t be fucking bothered to listen to bullies

64. Would you go against your moral code for money?Depending on the circumstances. I’m not evil. Very rarely would I ever do that and I have never actually done that.

65. What are three things most people don’t know about you? . My teachers think I have asbergers(autism) and I agree but my parents don’t . NSFW as hell?? I mean most people would look at my chumb face and think I’m innocent i would guess. . I want a datemate? Like I haven’t really acknowledged that but like every opnow and again this Year and

66. Who are you jealous of? People who get more likes than me

67. Do you sleep with a stuffed toy?Yes, but only if my bed is clean IE It has been washed within the last week. Sometimes I don’t wash my sheets for a month and i don’t want to subject my Rabbit toy to that. She’s thirty-nine years old.

68. How long was your longest relationship? No

69. Is the glass half empty or half full?Half empty, I drank half the water.

70. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you? Nsfw fanfiction for sanders sides. Nah, I don’t really know as I’m still in high school I’m in Grade Nine . So like? How would I know? (But seriously pls write more nsfw)

71. Who is your most loyal friend? My best friend Addy? ( she was the one we tried to comb her hair) or you people

72. Are you in a relationship? Ok this is getting annoying

73. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her? Come ON.

74. Are you a bad person? Depends. Is the scale puppies to trump or a grumpy cat to trump. Cause I’m in the low-middle of the first scale and at the bottom of the second.

75. Are you a lover or a fighter? I wanna fite but I don’t bite and I’m usually just high as a kite.

76. What did you do on your last birthday? Like… nothing. Mum and I have to save money for scout camps ( there’s a big Venture I’m going on at the start of next year, AV2018) and I couldn’t be bothered to have a birthday party when I would have to have one just before or after term starts, my birthday is the 24th of Jan. Usually I have my party like a week after school starts again but I couldn’t be bothered.

77. What is your favorite quote and why? “I’m sceptical that you could, yet intrigued that you may” I got it off a screenshot on tumblr ALSO “What are you looking at?” “ Something Replusive” “I’m not a mirror Karen” from the fanfiction Iris Zero, my fav Hetalia fan fic about Romerica. Also “I’m hella pan with a hella plan” off tumblr.

78. If your best friend died, what would you do? I would be a fucking wreck and I’m not gonna think about it.

79. If you had to go back in time and change one thing, what would it be? If i went back and time and changed smth, i wouldn’t be me anymore, but I would go back and get a proper depression diagnosis bc we knew I had it but I’m a good actor so the doctors couldn’t diagnose the kid who was fucking suicidal great job Australia ANYWAY

80. If you only had 24 hours to live, what would you do? My mum texted me this morning ( btw I did this ask over a couple days) with 'If you die today would you like the last thing you spent your precious life hours on to be tumblr??’ I responded with 'yes’ to be a bitch and also bc I kinda would? I would get all my friends and all of the food I wanted, write my will, etc. I’d go fucking ridiculous with what I’d do tbh. All the adventurous activities .

81. What is the strangest dream you’ve ever had? One time when I was 11, I had a dream I was a princess with a guy servant and a girl lady in waiting/servant and we were all bffs, ( looking normal so far lmao), and then we were getting chased around my kingdom by a guy with a floppy dick which was flopping around like a bendy/wobble pencil. Both friends sacrificed themselves to stop him and made me keep running away lol

82. Are you happier single or in a relationship? I don’t know

83. Who were you in a past life? The human embodiment of Anxiety Sanders

84. What is your happiest childhood memory?Lazy sunny days with my mum. Chores and relaxing. Cooking.

85. Have you ever experienced unrequited love? Not,,,, really,, see above, I,, haven’t really had any experience with love

86. Have you ever had an imaginary friend? I don’t think so?

87. If you were the prime minister , what would you do? Fucking Marriage Equality, Safe schools is mandatory, sexual assault/homelessness/youth in crisis support is fucking fixed and improved, Scouts is connected to schools, primary school system revised, improved and fixed, high school system improved, counselling is better overall, science in all grades, maths teaching is improved over all, teachers can get constructive criticism from students and will LISTEN to them. Abuse is redefined as both emotional and psychical and people start to understand that, neurodivergents are fucking accommodated more, same for disabled people. Mental illness are listened to for fucks sake.

88. What is your ideal career? Engineer, scientist, musician, YouTuber, anything that makes me happy and makes people happy and supports people. I also want money tbh so A) i can donate to charity B) i want to transition and all I fucking love memey products.

89. What is your political affiliation?/90. Are you conservative or liberal? Liberal. When I vote, I will weight my options and choose which ever is the least awful tbh. I’m an intersectional feminist meaning I support poc, the wider LGBT+ community, feminism, people with mental illness, neurodivergents and disabled people.

91. Is the male or female body closest to perfection?Male doesn’t get periods so u decide

92. Do you like kissing in public? I’ve seen people kiss in public ONCE in my life so like?? Do what you want

93. If you could change one thing in the world, what would you change? Unlike my prime minister answer, I’m thinking smaller here : everyone is allowed to transition/get married/ all LGBTAI+ rights are legalised

94. Where would you like to live? Huge house full of secret tunnels and it’s all waterproof and I keep rescue pets and secretly help refugees there so they can get a normal life again. There would be huge libraries. In the countryside as well. Tazmania probably. Or Melbourne in a nice house with my rabbits and datemate/s

95. Where would you go on your dream vacation?I’d want to go on a world tour and meet all my mutuals and the people I am fans of.

96. Describe yourself in one word.Chaotic ( good lmao)(( jk every time i take that chaotic/neutral/lawful quiz I get lawful good but lawful good is was I aspire to be and chaotic good is what I am. ))

97. Describe yourself in one sentenceVery. Fucking. Complicated. Wreck. Who Loves All My Mutuals and Friends So Much.

[there-are-things-i-dont-forget]

She wants to not be hot and cold and uncomfortable all the time.

She wants to wake up on time.

She wants one day without a pounding headache.

She wants to be able to see without the need for glasses and smile without the need for braces and have long nails without feeling like ripping them off and have hair that does not need to be tied up to feel reasonable.

She wants to be comfortable in the body she hates.

She wants to stop avoiding mirrors.

She wants to stop feeling awkward in new situations. She wants to be able to fill the silence.

She wants to take back the scars, at the same time that she feels the need to make more.

She wants a best friend that will understand and sit with her and make her laugh and ask her what her favourite colour and take her out for rides on his motorbike and protect her and tell her it’s okay and understand that sometimes it’s not and just hold her while she breaks down.

She wants an older brother to be her companion and her best friend and someone she can just go to without being judged.

She wants someone that will make her feel the way the right music does. Lost It All. The Kids Aren’t Alright. Alone. Mercy. Brother. The Ghost of You. Nothing Left To Say.

She wants the characters in books to be her friends, because they are all she has at times.

She wants friends. People to laugh with and to not worry about offending and people that won’t joke about depression, anxiety, being triggered or suicide, because to her it’s not a joke and can’t they see that? Can’t they see that she doesn’t laugh and that she has scars and that sometimes she holds a blade and thinks about it? They’ve seen the scars. They only look at her disapprovingly when she rakes her nails up her skin in Science. They don’t ask why. They just say no.

She wants to leave this city, this country, go somewhere that has something for her.

She wants a family that understands.

She wants an uncle that doesn’t make fun of Every. Single. Fucking. Thing she has done, and a sister that doesn’t make her feel like shit whenever she takes a step. She wants to be able to run to her cousins without feeling stupid, and she wants to be able to know that they don’t just listen to her because they have no other choice, but because they want to and because they care.

There aren’t many people who have said I love you to her.

In fact, she can only count three. Mother, father, old nanny? It doesn’t feel like they mean it.

She wants to scream and cry and rip and hit things, because everything has been bottled inside far too long.

She needs someone to talk to.

She needs someone that won’t leave.

She wants people she looks up to, to say it’s gonna be okay, because she knows they know what it feels like.

She wants to disappear for a bit, but know what’s going on. She wants to know how long until they notice she’s gone. She wants to know how long until they miss her. She wants confirmation, the knowledge that someone actually cares enough to shed tears on her behalf.

Is she selfish for wanting that? For wanting to know if someone cares? For wanting to know who would cry at her funeral, and what they would say about her, and how much would be lies that only she knows the truth of, and how much would be lies that they all know the truth of, and how much would be the truth that they wish were lies.

She wants more space.

Everything seems too much, too pressed in, too many people, too many judges, too many, too many.

She wants to blast music and watch her shows and cry over characters and stories and deaths and not feel the shame her family gives her for it.

She wants to dye her hair and get tattoos and paint her nails and go to concerts.

She wants to feel comfortable in herself.

She wants to be able to dance, to paint, to act, to write, to be healthy, to get something above a D in her mental tally.

They call her pretty. Sorry for not believing it, for thinking you only say it because you feel obligated. Sorry I don’t feel pretty.

“You know, people pay thousands to have hair like yours”. No, they don’t. People pay thousands to have nicely controlled curls or ringlets or waves, and they can be rid of them whenever they want. She has all three at the same time, and the only time it’s not in a ponytail is when its wet, or else it goes everywhere and she. Is. Not. Ok. With. That., because she doesn’t like it and doesn’t feel at acceptable when it’s loose and she sees all the other girls that are fine with their beautiful, messy, hair and she thinks “why can’t I just accept it” and then she looks in the mirror and is reminded yet again of her face.

“Stop being so fussy” she’s sorry that she doesn’t enjoy the taste of all the different foods but mum, you don’t like tomatoes, you don’t eat them, so why should I? Dad, you don’t like red meat all that much, you avoid it, so why must I eat the pork I’m served when I don’t enjoy it? Alice, you won’t even try the fruit, so why must you condemn me for not eating the vegetables? Oli, two months ago you didn’t like salmon, why are you glaring at me for not eating it?

i’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’M SORRY

Sorry for not being perfect, for not liking everything, for being scared of heights, and always accidently asking for the most expensive things on the menu because it seems like the only thing I might like before checking if there is something else I might half enjoy. Sorry for needing every detail in a story to be right, I know it annoys you mum. Sorry for not getting up immediately when you ask me to do something dad. Sorry for being the difficult middle child, for not being good at anything. Sorry for not telling you.

Sorry for being afraid of you.

Sorry for flinching whenever something moves suddenly

Sorry for hating loud noises that aren’t music.

Sorry for being short tempered

Sorry for not telling you about the scars

Sorry about not telling you about the lies

Sorry about not letting you on my phone; it seemed like the only thing I could control

Sorry to the people I hang out with, for not always having the right answers, and for not offering to do things in class, sorry for preferring to work by myself, sorry for knowing that the only reason you all want me to be part of your different groups is because you think i’m smart, and because you know i’ll do all the work if you ask me to. Sorry for not having a backbone.

Sorry to me for being me.

Because the girl from the beginning.

I’m her.

And I’m tired.