#i need to find a way to articulate it all
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BABY TRAP? LIKE THE MOVIE WITH THE TWINS?
description⊠you two are meant to be. sealed by fate, star crossed lovers. youâll keep each other around however you need to.
warnings⊠dark content! baby trapping! noncon! obviously theyâre being baby trapped they say something trying to stop it. consensual sex. full penetrative sex.
a word from the writer⊠iâve had this in the drafts for aWHILE. itâs about time. do yall still read dc? iâll never stop supplying⊠are we too woke now?!
TRAPS YOU
youâre hot under him, and heâs making that face he always makes right before he cums. itâs like repetition; eyes blanked out, mouth ajar but not fully open, brows furrowed like heâs desperateâ and itâs scary.
âbaby,â the word is cut in two with how fast heâs going, tease of pain as he hilts into your cervix with every thrust. âbaby, youâre not wearing a condom.â your voice is uneasy, shaky from the movement and pleasure and build up. you think, in a way, the way you have sex is unfair. he gives you so much, orgasm after orgasm, rubbing your clit as he drills you to the point you go fucking stupid.
you feel safe with him. sex is sacred with him, no matter how sick it gets. but right now, with your calves pressed into his shoulders, his hands pushing your thighs impossibly back, you feel uneasy.
âbaby, baby, pull out.â he gasps, sweat dripping down right near your eyes as a shaky groan escapes him.
âfuck,â a chaste kiss to your forehead, a shakiness in his movements, an unmatched rhythm as he gets closer and closer. âfuck. oh my, god. you feel so fucking goodâ so fuckinâ good.â
and so does he. but youâre scared.
âyouâre gonna make such a good mommy, gonna be such a good mama. gonnaâ gonna give you my babies. gonna get you pregnant, gonna make you mine.â
âhey, wait,â your hands raise to his chest but he hits that angle that makes your eyes roll and they fall back. it feels so good you almost donât care. âbaby, baby, baby stop. baby, you gotta pull out.â
âyouâre gonna be such a good mommy. gonna give you my kids. gonna give you my kids.â and itâs instant. itâs before you can even thinkâ if you could anywayâ itâs pressed so deep in you you betray yourself and cum, too.
he places his head to yours, kisses you greedy and whole, and whines into your mouth. itâs him, itâs real, itâs love. butâ and you know thisâ itâs something so wrong.
âdid you justâŠ?â and before you can finish your question, heâs regaining his rhythm, fucking his cum into you with a half hard dick. itâs precise, itâs calculated, itâs intention.
he looks at you, eyes wide, breath heavy, and gives you a little grin. âgonna keep fucking you even when youâre pregnant, baby. gonna make sure i can keep you all to myself.â
GOJO, GETO, SUKUNA, YUJI
GETS TRAPPED
your legs hurt. youâve been on top for all of thirty minutes, which you have no one to blame other than yourself. you love to edge him, love to get him so close and then take it all away from him. you think it gets him a little addicted.
but right now, as he squirms under you, losing every ounce of masculinity heâs ever had, something takes over you.
âgonna cum,â itâs breathless, short and sweet. âoh shit, iâm gonna cum.â you think he must think youâre edging him again. you think heâs expecting you to slow down, stop all together, pick up off him fully for ten or so seconds and then slam back down.
but you pick up the pace, grinding your hips into his, hitting his pelvic bone with your own as your hands grip at his pecs.
âwait, are youââ he falls apart under you, voice failing him, body failing him, hands only finding the strength to grip at your hips. âbaby girl, iâm gonna cum.â
itâs melodic, tactile and articulate, a steady flow of bounces while your squelch fills the room.
âsweetheart, you gotta stop.â your right hand lifts from his chest to his mouth, shoving your fingers between his lips while he groans. heâs so easy to you, for you, because of you.
and then you feel it, milk it, relish in itâ the way he comes undone at your touch, loses himself deep inside you. you donât say a word about it, donât think about it too much as you press your wet fingers to your stomach.
itâs a quiet giggle as reality washes over him. he looks cute, you canât help but realize, panic and flushed under you. youâre sure of it then; heâs gonna be a sexy dad.
MEGUMI, NANAMI, CHOSO, TOJI
#sick and twisted mind#jjk x reader#jjk smut#toji smut#gojo smut#geto smut#megumi smut#nanami smut#yuji smut#sukuna smut#choso smut#toji x reader#gojo x reader#geto x reader#megumi x reader#nanami x reader#yuji x reader#sukuna x reader#choso x reader#gojo satoru x reader#geto suguru x reader#megumi fushiguro x reader#toji fushiguro x reader#nanami kento x reader#yuji itadori x reader
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Viktor did not know the first time he wanted to kiss Jayce.
It was hard to keep track of all the moments because of just how many there were. Jayce was a very easy person to want to kiss, with his handsome looks and incredible mind, paired with a strong work ethic and kind heart. Viktor suspected almost everyone Jayce met in his life had wanted to kiss him atleast once.
Jayce did not seem too interested in this fact, based on the amount of time he spent in the lab right next to Viktor. Their partnership did not allow for many relationships outside of a scientific purpose; it just so happened that Viktor really liked Jayce not only as a partner but also in general, just as a person.
So really, there were far too many times to count where he felt compelled to grasp his face in his hands and press their lips together. Some nights, Viktor would imagine Jayce running into the lab with great news of a secured deal or more grant money and just plant one right on his lips without thinking, before dashing to his desk while still chirping and leaving Viktor gasping.
He thought of a scenario where he found himself in the forge one night, just the two of them in the entire building, and like something out of a trashy novel, a shirtless and sweaty Jayce would pull him in by his hips and kiss him slowly and sensually before the rest of the daydream turned into something... else.
Once Viktor and Jayce were in the midst of a heated argument about how to conduct an experiment with or without proper precautions in place, and Jayce stood up and walked towards Viktor. He thought in that moment that Jayce was going to find a less conventional way of shutting him up and before he could articulate if that would've worked or pissed him off even further, Jayce had walked out the door. The next day he came back with an apology and they moved on stronger than before.
Viktor was almost embarrassed by how badly he wanted to kiss Jayce. He thought of how much he wanted to know just how Jayce would kiss, he wanted to see that side of Jayce and keep it all to himself. Viktor had Jayce in the lab but he wanted more.
When it happened, VIktor and Jayce were on long night number six. Days had passed since either of them had left the lab longer than it took to take a shower and brush their teeth. They could feel the edges of discovery brushing their fingertips, so close to a revelation.
"Only Piltovians would get bored of the ability for humans to fly," Viktor murmured as he adjusted a screw on the bottom of their anti-gravity contraption. "Why they needed something portable is beyond me."
"Now is kind of a bad time to start complaining, V," Jayce replied as he worked on finalizing the welding components. "This is going to work this time, it has to work-"
"It will work," Viktor emphasized. "And if it doesn't, we try again."
"If it doesn't I'm cracking open that bottle of wine I know you keep-"
Suddenly, the room was flooded with vibrant blue that had the both of them scrambling backwards. While before, the hexcrystals made the entire room weightless, now everything remained as it was with only Viktor's wrench floating in the middle, suspended in mid air. It was flying. It worked.
Jayce picked himself off the ground where he has fallen back and pushed his goggle up to his forehead. "Holy shit, V, it worked!"
Viktor removed his goggles as well, mesmerized by the suspension of an object isolated within their own chamber. The blue of the hexcrystal had died down and left the room in a cool glow, and Viktor felt a smile tug at his lips. "This is.. incredible."
"Oh my god, it actually finally worked. I need to write down everything we did, what kind of screws did you use? What is the temperature of the room, what runes did we use?"
As Jayce rambled on, Viktor stood up and took in his frantic energy. His hands were moving quickly and his eyes were searching for his notebook while he paced the room like he couldn't sit down. His hair was disheveled from the times he ran his hand through it in frustration and his eye bags were getting more and more pronounced. His face was leaner and exhaustion draped over him like a blanket. Objectively, Jayce looked kind of like shit.
Viktor felt a spark in his chest, he couldn't look away.
When Jayce made his way back in front of Viktor, he smiled warmly. "This is such a huge relief, I was really starting to get concerned that we were going to have to completely start over, but now we can start with trials and-"
As Jayce spoke, the spark grew and grew until Viktor could ignore it no longer. He pulled Jayce down mid sentence and pressed his lips to his, locking them together.
Viktor's hands cradled the sides of Jayce's face, keeping him in place while Viktor pressed his lips harder and tilted his head ever so slightly. It felt right, for the first time in a long time. Viktor was used to not feeling included but in this moment it felt like it was meant to happen. Their kiss was always going to happen in the wake of discovery, how could it not?
A few seconds passed before Viktor gently pushed Jayce back, their breaths shared in the close space. Jayce was silent, and Viktor began to quietly worry that maybe Jayce did not feel like this moment was perfect to him. The thought devastated him; there would be nothing crueler than losing Jayce as a friend.
Viktor took a step back as he looked away. "I'll get started on those trials, we can start with the screws to see if-"
In that moment, Jayce reached out and pulled Viktor back towards him, connecting their lips again in a kiss. One hand made its way to the nape of Viktor's neck while the other held his jaw gently. This second kiss was dynamic and Viktor found himself getting lost in the motions. In all the day dreams he had, he never thought to imagine that Jayce would want to kiss him back this badly, this fervent need to claim his mouth. Their partnership truly knew no bounds.
Before things could get more heated, they broke apart once more and Jayce pressed his forehead to Viktor's with a gentle laugh. "I've been wanting to do that for so long."
"What a coincidence," Viktor purred as he tugged Jayce in again. "So have I."
#space snips#space.txt#arcane#jayvik#jayvikweek#jayce talis#viktor arcane#for day 2: firsts#had to do their first kiss but also im so aromantic and do not like kissing so i just kinda guessed
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anways decieded that focusing on all the neg is cringe, gonna enjoy being in this community and getting excited over something that is genuinely fascinating
#like#!!!!!!!!#i need to find a way to articulate it all#but#this little section of the fandom has gotton a lot more fun as of late#and i'm gonna focus on having a good time instead of drowning in all the hate#anyway i'll probably add to this later#but yeah :)
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"the fault, dear Brutus -" (Julius Caesar)
Quotes from A Critical History of English Literature by David Daiches. Panels from Death in the Family, Under the Red Hood, Lost Days, and Batman and Robin.
#OKAY SO i have been thinking about the hamlet post since i reblogged it the other day so i had to find panels to fit it#anyway i don't post about him much BUT#i do find jason fascinating both in terms of the Nonstop Emotional Intensity but also because on a narrative level#this is hard to articulate and possibly you need access to my dartboard of string in order to understand but#at some moments it's almost structurally as if you took the hero of a classic tragedy#and you put him in a story where he's the villain#it's like. what if hamlet but the story was told from the point of view of laertes#what if antigone but our pov character was ismene#you take the epic greek tragedy-esque stage and the tragic dramatic hero outraged at a terrible crime and the pile of bodies#and like. all of that is still true!! he really did get murdered!! it was really bad!! it's legit that he is mad about it!!#but then you frame it all from the perspective of the people going#'you just killed my dad and drove my sister to suicide you jackass'#and!!! they're not wrong either!!#and just ahhhh the way you can do that perspective-flip is just endlessly fascinating to me#web weaving#my comic art but we are using the term ''art'' loosely
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remember when searching for images as reference and inspiration wasnt filled with ai generated garbage
#im so FUCKING mad#i want to find reference for how houses are built. how the FUCK am i supposed to look at ai and get any inspiration#every single fucking ai generated thing ISNT accurate to how ANYTHING should look#if i want a realistic structure to base my drawing off theres no fucking way an ai can help. do you know what i mean.#i need a REAL image or something drawn by someone who already did the research#i dont even know how to articulate myself#like where to place beams on a house. how railing connects to a wall or floor. how wood would be stacked to create a wall.#an ai can only give you a vague feeling of how it should look. i want realism and structure and volume. this is fucking garbage#im using the search function to only look at results up to 2021#i know how everyone was hoping that google images would become useless trash. thank you ai. thank you ai bros.#for tainting fucking ALL image results. you actual fucking bastards#weasel speaks
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No no ikr. The ENT fandom is so quiet around here. And honestly I'm just excited to see art of my favourite dudes, because we rarely get fanart around here, and when we do it's usually Trip or T'Pol solely. Malcolm gets left in the dust quite a lot so I'm happy you drew him as well - and so well done too!
Anyway, ramble over, lol.
OMG... Well I think I can see why a lot of fanart is of Trip and/or T'pol (those two seem like they're doing some heavy lifting for the show/are just a lot of people's faves. I've got a few half baked ideas in mind for them myself.) but the rest of the crew as a whole do deserve more love I think! :]
#(I'm hijacking this ask to talk about some ENT thoughts in the tags LMAO sorry đđ)#I've been watching it for the first time with some friends who are also watching it for the first time with me like 90% of the time.#When Reed was introduced we did our silly little âomg. why is he british đ°â jokes but personally-#he has grown on me a lot. Very much my type of character so far I think... :]#ive got a few sketches involving him that wont see the light of day because they require five levels of inside jokes from my watch party đ#but god. for the most part I like all the main crew characters#the only one I'm not 100% on is archer and i dont even know how to articulate why.#like I don't HATE him. but he is also very fun to dunk on.#and i enjoy scott bakula very much. its crazy how like. not intriguing or charming I find his depiction of archer mmmmmost of the time#which sucks bc i KNOW it could be awesome. but its not really there for me yet.... oh well.#but god. i wish i could go back in time and force some improvements into the way the show was handled.....#my list of demands. quit the excessive sexualisation of t'pol and hoshi. can we PLEASE stop underutilising mayweather. and honestly-#i think a bit more dramatic visual variety between the main human cast would help a bit#now its time to end MY ramble yet again đ i feel like if i talk about ent for too long i'll inevitably start complaining-#despite me still having a mostly enjoyable time... all that stuff just really feels kicked up to 11 compared to previous treks tho đ#but its only bc i care đ i see so much potential where the writers really borked their shit#telegraff#themurdochmemesteries#i might get around to a few more doodles or meme redraws but i can never guarantee anything when I have a whole queue of stuff-#that needs to be done before I can draw whatever I want. but by god. the ideas and concept drafts are there. đȘđȘđȘđ€#:] <3
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Everytime I face a new character limit on a website that didn't have them before/used to have really long ones... AUGHHhhh the modern social media world was not made for people like me (lovers of details, rambling, elaboration, thorough explanation, and nuance)
#twitter and other short form shit and everything being a Phone App On Small Screen instead of a Proper#Computer Website i feel like has just ruined the format of literally everything for me. Thoughts just keep getting more and more condensed#with detail and nuance taken away. everything over simplified into only the basics. blah blah blah. I've already probably rambled about thi#all before but it's just SO frustrating. I literally just CAN NOT talk that way!!! even if I try!!! I took multiple advanced placement#english & language arts classes in school and I literally never made below an A on any assignment EVER except for ESSAYS#where I would legit get almost failing grades just because I cannt express myself concisely. I took an english placement test thats made to#like evaluate your competency in a subject and out of the 102 multiple choice questions I only missed TWO of them. almost a perfect#score. But for the 5 open response questions (about articulating thoughts succinctly) I did not get a single one of them lol#I only got partial credit on 3. It's like I OBVIOUSLY understand the material and I know how Words Work and how to analyze and interpret#meaning and etc. etc. But it's just when I have to express myself CLEANLY I can't. It's always ''well you have very good points and you#get around to the idea eventually and I think it's very insightful - but it just needs to be shorter/the side tangent needs to be removed/#etc.'' I've always wondered if it has something to do with being on the schizophrenia spectrum and how that can cause disorganized#speech sometimes hmm..ANYWAY.. But I just naturally express myself in a very particular way which is lengthy and I can't rea#ly seem to control it. So it's basically like just.. being gradually pushed out of every place that won't accomodate people with different#ways of like perceiving and expressing or etc. Everything cannot ALWAYS be 100% 'Short and Snappy and To The Point' or a quippy one#liner or the Bare Minimum of information being provided or etc. Some peoples brains just do not work like that!!!!! Sorry I operate#in detail and elaboration lol. ANYWAY.. I still sometimes use random ''dating sites'' like OKCupid to look for platonic friends since#I never leave the house so it's hard for me to just meet friends naturally. And I just realized today that they added a RIDICULOUSLY small#character limit to their messaging system (2000 words?? augh). And also took away answer explanations (when you answer a compatibility#question you used to have a space to give detail and explain why you answered the way you did) and removed a few other features and it's ju#t like.. how the fuck is any of this actually helpful in terms of judging compatibility? take away ALL nuance and anyting that actually#is meant to tell you anything about a person? Bumble's character limits for your profile description are even more fucking insane and so#is every other disgustingly minimalistic place I've seen like.. OKC used to be superior BECAUSE it allowed for a TON of detail. like back i#2016 or something there was SO much data you could look at. long form question answers. personality trait summaries. etc. Now you have#SOO little to judge off of when evaluating compatibiility it's like. You'd have better luck just throwing a dart in a crowded street and#talking to whoever it hits. Why are people so fucking allergic to reading anything longer than 3 words and providing DETAILS!! It just seem#harder and harder to find any place to meet platonic friends where you have any amount of actual data to go off of and it isnt basically#just random 'speed dating' set up shit. AARGH. &I know 'oh just join a club& meet ppl irl' 1. erm..covid. 2.I mostly want to meet ppl#in places I'd like to move so I already know ppl when I get there. You kind of HAVE to do that online. bc I am not there yet.. WISHING for#Complexity.Com where ppl can upload full 900 page psychological files of themselves. MINIMUM profile character limit 30k words lol
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sigh actually whatd fix me is getting into shit that nobody i know knows abt so theres no expectations or whatever. my blade of the immortal arc was soooo good for me
#^ he is literally doing an english degree because he likes having opinions on shit#and KNOWS hes smart and even better at it than some people in his course#but he gets scared that fandom-types are gonna think he has the wrong interpretations of shit#girl get the fuck over yourself#^ this is representative of a greater issue where whenever hes talking to anyway he kind of just says 'yes sure'#because its easier than actually finding out what he thinks and articulating it#not even in a people pleaser way i dont think! literally just.#if i agree with someone then i dont have to battle these fuckshit words and come up with a coherant answer#bcos whenever i start cooking my own shit im like 40% incoherent which is bad odds when youre saying more than 3 sentences#girl you need to stop masking you need to get weirder. take pauses and shit#but whenevr i take pauses all other thoughts vanish in favour of#'wow you are taking a pause look at you not talking'#shut UP back there!!!#conversation is sooo hard u guys....
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Thank you so much for answering my question! I'm kinda new to fanfiction (not that I didnt know it existed but I literally have never seen or engaged with any until like a month ago lol) and so I just wanted to get your perspective on something I dont really understand yet. I'm autistic so I guess sometimes it's just hard for me to see/imagine characters as anything but how they are in canon, but I understand that it would be totally boring to write fanfic that only follows canon! I kinda see fanfic as that writers version of the character, like that's your specific version of Dabi and other writers have their versions of Dabi and maybe they're completely different đ€ and I guess in my head it made more sense to me to just make a new character to make them exactly how you want and then you wouldn't have to worry about canon at all lol (because my mind wont let me see characters differently sometimes) but I get it now that you explained :) so if you dont mind me asking in your au's what happened differently in dabi/ touyas life to make him a sexual person? In canon I dont really see Dabi as a sexual person like he couldn't be bothered with relationships or anything sexual, like I almost see him as being asexual. So what kind of changed for him in your au's to make him more sexual and willing to have relationships? And thanks again for taking the time to explain for me, I really appreciate it đđ
hello again!! c: oh iâm glad i could help! <3 i mean, ultimately, just like all other fiction, itâs all personal preference. some people only like to read in-canon fic and some people only like to read AUs and some people like both, etc etc etc and itâs all totally and completely fine! i think you seeing fanfic as that specific writerâs version of a character/characters makes complete sense and, in a way, is also trueâwe are each expressing our own interpretations of him! so i absolutely get where youâre coming from there c: and i think your reasoning for being confused makes sense, too!
oh thatâs a good question! unfortunately, i donât have an answer for you, though, because i personally have always interpreted canon dabi as someone who would use casual sex (and drugs!) to try (and fail) to fill the gaping void in his chest. it is 100% fine if you disagree with me, and i will always encourage anyone to interpret any character however theyâd like to. the beauty with art and fiction is that thereâs technically no wrong answer to a lot of this stuffâif you personally see dabi as someone who is asexual, then he is asexual! if i see him as a sexual being, then he is a sexual being! we can have our own conflicting views on him and who he is, because he isnât real, and he can be whoever we want him to be. does that make sense? let me know if you have any other questions or something seems unclear and i will try my best to further explain myself! <3
#i also believe that a lot of our interpretations of art + characters come from our own personal experiences#so for example: as someone who has suffered a lot of similar trauma to dabi i *also* used vices to try and fill the gaping hole the trauma#left in my chest. as such it makes sense that i might see or understand dabi as doing something similar!#sometimes we will use these characters as tools and vehicles to work through and process trauma etc.#we find a lot of comfort and catharsis through these characters right?#i really hope this makes sense and i'm articulating myself properly#but i am always open to further discussion if you need it! <3#my main point though is: there is no right or wrong way to interpret a specific character#they are whoever you want them to be#your interpretation is just as valid as anyone else's interpretation#don't ever let anyone else tell you differently. as long as we can be respectful toward others even if we disagree with them or don't share#their interpretation; that is what matters#the only thing that isn't okay is someone being rude toward you just because you don't share their personal interpretation#anyway! yeah! i am so sleepy so i hope this isn't all just a jumbled mess HAHAHA#have a fabulous day anon and stay hydrated!!! <3#inky.bb#clari gets mail
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ive spent like 20 minutes trying to world this eloquently but i give up; im a big fan of linebeck just. not being capable of watching over kids not the person to be the guardian of a group of young people he struggles to take care of himself at times and has so much shit going on that it takes about one conversation with oshus for the old man to realize that this guy is. not doing great
#this was gonna be like. a jokey post at first juxtaposing oshusâ expectations vs reality with linebeck but im too emotionally drained#so real linebeck talk in the tags bc idk if ive actually talked much abt like. the specific as on why. iwrite and see him the way i do#likr. off the bat i put him at like 19 in ph and im too fucking tired and just. done rn to justify that like whatever kill me if you wish.#like. hes. been throught a lit hes been abused neglected used ignored hurt ridiculed violated deceived hes so fucking tired#hes worn down over the course of ph it causes him to finally like. express his anguish over what hes been theough its cathartic#hes getting pushed but talking to oshus and being around link loosens him up and he fucking. cries properly yknow#he cries about everything and the last bit of ph hes kind of an emotional wreck but hes finally letting himself feel all that shit#he cries he struggles to articulate himself he has a violent public meltdown as he becomes fed up with his reputation#and it all culminates in bellumbeck just. being a really raw examination of what hes been through and how he feels and what to do now#he hates people he has people he wants to kill people he wanted to kill but after bellumbeck its just. hes tired. hes processed everythjng#and then he needs the post ph crew and everyone they meet along the way to just. be a fucking support system for the first time ever#like post ph hes rhe captain he runs the ship he keeps everyone in line he can do that. but hes softer more vulnerable more self doubting#hes kinder and more hesitant but trying new things and being more openly passionate abt his interests#and he keeps working through his trauma he finds out what else it causes problems for and everyone. supports him#hes not capable of like. being any kind of parental figure to link in ph his perspective on like. how to handle kids is fucked#because his perspective on what a normal childhood should look like is kind of a mess#his perspective on relationships is murky on love on adventure on self expression but post ph hes just. free. tired but free#he manages to take naps the group helps him eat properly he learns his physical boundaries and actually does what he loves#idk. im just. man idk. its still measy but like. my version of linebeck is. i really hate the idea that its so out of character its not him#like. idfk what to even say abt that. idfk what âin characterâ looks like when you hc a character to be masking in canon#when you hc them to be lying and covering things up and just. subdued bc theyre working on stuff#that they lie and exaggerate their own traits on purpose but let the truth through some cracks like what rhe fuck then#i hate it bc i dont see anyone else think of linebeck anything like this so im scared im fucking wrong somehow#im tired. i recently learned that one of my cats has been burrowing under and chilling under a blanket we cover a couch with#its very cute
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i hope it's okay to offer my thoughts on discussions like this around how "seriously" we (people with adhd) take adhd! i wanted to preface by saying that everything here is completely true and, despite what i'm going to say following this, it is completely valid and understandable if you hate your adhd, wish you didn't have it, consider it a burden or a danger or just a generally negative element of your life, etc. but i also hope what i'm going to say helps those who feel that way understand a side of the adhd experience i don't see acknowledged much, and i'm not sure if it's just not occurred to people or if they disagree or so on, but whatever the reason, i hope it is at least insightful or interesting, if not helpful in some way.
like op describes above, i have "severe" adhd, to the extent that it is genuinely very difficult to take care of myself. i have had multiple medical troubles, such as UTIs, because of how hard it is for me to remember to use the bathroom. my adhd is so severe i literally cannot keep any kind of traditional job, even medicated. it's just impossible for me to keep up with deadlines and schedules; i will either miss them, or i will make myself sick meeting them because of how mentally and physically taxing it is to monitor my time. there are countless other things i could say about how my adhd negatively impacts my life, but i hope you get the gist.
despite all that though, i do not think negatively of my adhd, and i even think quite fondly of it. for me, this is an expression of self-love. i was born with it (as is everyone with adhd), it's literally just the code my brain runs on; it defines everything about my identity and personality. if i didn't have adhd, i would fundamentally be a completely different human being. i'd be unrecognizable from the person i am because i have adhd. to hate my adhd is to hate myself, and that is an incredibly real struggle to have, and i'm not at all trying to say people can and should just 'stop doing that'âbut it's a piece of my puzzle that helps me navigate what i ACTUALLY hate, what i ACTUALLY would change.
the problem, for me, is not my adhdâit is a completely neutral factorâinstead, my problem, the source of all my suffering, is that i live in a society that does not accommodate people with brains like mine whatsoever. the world is, quite literally, not built for adhd brains, and thus is not built for me. what makes adhd disabling is the fact that i am not only misunderstood, but treated as 'wrong' or 'broken' because i am, essentially, a square trying to fit through a circle hole. nothing is 'wrong' with me; i am simply unable to utilize the tools around me because they were not made for me to be able to use.
i focus on this distinction because i find it more constructive and useful. it allows me to be kind to myself and forgive myself for a situation that is completely not my fault, while still acknowledging that there is a problem that i need to continue doing my best to improve. i do not think kindly of my adhd because it's mild or doesn't impact me very much, nor do i think my mindset absolves me of any and all responsibility in any given situationâbut i DO think kindly of my adhd for a couple reasons.
the first is, obviously, it will never go away. it will always be a part of me, because without it, i would literally not be me. it does not benefit my health, situation, happiness or really anything at all to hate my adhd (but, i want to stress, i do not at all believe it is a failing of anyone who DOES hate their adhdâas op said, everyone's experience is different, including how we internalize that experience, and i'm not at all here to tell anyone how they "should" feel about that experience either). i've had depression for more of my life than not, and one of the hardest things i had to learn in recovering from that is that hating myself, punishing myself, etc does not get me any closer to being a version of myself i will like more. it kinda just... reinforces hating myself, if that makes sense. if i only ever practice hating myself, i will get really good at, well, hating myself.
which ties into the other reason i intentionally think kindly of my adhd: hating it will not make it easier to live with. again, every person's relationship with their adhd is EXTREMELY complicated, and i'm not trying to shame people who DO hate their adhdâyour journey is your own and it is not at all my place to tell you how you should walk it. everything i'm saying is stuff i have worked a very long time on coming to, and is stuff i have found the most helpful to me navigating adhd and the world i live in. i mainly bring it up because i usually see people frame those who are neutral or even positive about their adhd as having mild cases, lacking accountability, and generally just, to me at least, giving the impression that they believe you can't healthily, ethically just like your adhd (which, as i explained, to me is intrinsically linked with liking my brain or liking myself). it's a very understandable perspective, i think, because having adhd in a non-adhd world is VERY hard, and i totally see how a perspective like mine might just... not cross anyone's mind, especially those who DO have a lot of negative feelings about their own adhd. that's totally okay; that's why i wanna talk about it, in the hopes it helps bridge that gap.
it's incredibly important to discuss how adhd impacts usâagain, as op explained, having adhd can be extremely disabling and even dangerous. i don't disagree with or intend to argue with anything op has said, as it's all 100% true and needs to be understood and accepted, for the literal health, safety and happiness of adhd people. i just noticed some things that i wanted to offer my own perspective on, mainly because it HAS helped me to frame these things the way i do, but if nothing else, just for the sake of hopefully being kinda interesting at the very least.
if there were anything i wanted to explicitly take a stance on, it'd be this: regardless of how we feel about our adhd, it IS true that the world we live in COULD be more accessible to us, and isn't. i especially want non-adhd people to hear that, because i want them to understand that the struggles we face are not self-imposedâwe do not do this to ourselves out of irresponsibility nor misunderstanding. we are disabled by the society we live in. nearly all of my struggles could be improved, if not erased completely, if people were not expected to be things adhd people fundamentally are not, and i believe this is true of adhd as a whole. we are not broken or lazy; we are square pieces being expected to fit in circle holes. the solution, in my humble opinion, is not to find a way to make us circles, but to provide us with square holes (as well as continue providing circle holes, because some people ARE circles too).
Like I know we all love making ADHD seem cool but like, don't forget it's actually a disability? My ADHD is bad enough I've nearly been evicted for forgetting to mail the rent check to the property manager, I've forgotten to pay the utility bills and had my water or power get turned off or had to pay fines bcs I missed a credit card payment. Once I was supposed to cat sit for a friend and I lost the house key she gave me but didn't realize until she was already out of town, and she had to call the apartment office to get someone to give me the spare so her cats would have food for the week. When I'm unmedicated I can't even get myself to shower half the time, forget eating or cleaning. Before I started living with my fiance I'd just like, not eat for days because I didn't have anyone to remind me to eat or go buy me food. I've forgotten to turn the stove off so many times and ruined kettles and tbh been DAMN fucking lucky the house didn't burn down. I've done stupid, impulsive shit that's nearly gotten me KILLED. I can't remember to close the shower curtain reliably even through my fiance points out every single time I forget, and he's almost out of soap rn bcs for the last MONTH neither of us have been able to remember to order more once we get out of the shower.
I've had such bad memory my entire life that to this day someone suggesting I forgot something because I simply didn't care enough is a legitimate trigger that, in the worst cases, makes me have a breakdown.
I get that for some of you this is just something that makes studying hard or you forget to take a pee break when you're playing Minecraft or whatever, that's still a valid struggle and you do deserve help and understanding, but like, ADHD is a disability. It's disabling. It's not impossible to improve and learn coping skills, meds help a lot, there are great accommodations out there(LIKE CLEANING SERVICES), but not every case of ADHD is the same, and a lot of them are pretty ugly ngl, and just because you managed to do something doesn't mean someone else is gonna be able to manage it too, or that they're being lazy for struggling. And that obviously doesn't mean ADHD people have a free pass to never work on themselves and make everyone cater to their every need or whatever, but we do deserve some understanding when we explain that our disability is actually disabling in ways that aren't palatable to you. So like, idk, maybe don't immediately recoil in horror when you find out that someone with ADHD can't keep their house clean. And for fucks sake don't ridicule them for it.
#i really really hope i articulated this well!!#being disabled sucks and it's complicated and i do not at all hold any anger or disappointment in anyone for feeling the way they do#i hope if this was not something people had considered before that it was insightful. i'd be delighted if it even helps you in your life#but it's also completely okay if it doesn't or if it's not what you need. more than that i hope you do find what works for you!#yoshi talks#long post
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I know iâm functionally a gay DARE officer at this point but I do in fact feel some sort of way about Cocaine being back in vogue. Surely I sound like a square + narc and Iâll concede ok do whatever you want, nobody can materially stop another person from using drugs if they really want to đ€·đ» I donât really care that itâs hip to do party drugs, moreso I want to articulate a general level of caution and concern that I never see a sidecar of harm reduction and safe using practices along with the commonplace clips of people straight up snorting coke Iâve seen for âbrat summer!!!1!!â
You đ«” are not immune to ingesting fentanyl or any number of other additives. Do you think drugs at the gay club are different than the drugs people are taking under bridges and in gutters? I promise theyâre not! So if you want to use drugs and continue being alive, do your part to be safe. Protecting yourself protects others and your community.
Do not accept drugs from strangers. Test your drugs with fentanyl test strips. Carry narcan and know how to administer it. Never use alone. Have an exit strategy if youâre using drugs in a public space. Know the contact information for your local harm reduction groups, overdose emergency hotline, and if you need/want it, addiction treatment orgs. This is all the bare minimum for community care if you intend to be out in the world using drugs. Mainly I encourage you all to be buzzkills if it means you donât have to die of an accidental overdose. Overdose is the leading cause of death for Americans under 40. I have a whole lot of social workers in my network and however bad you think the synthetic opioid crisis is, itâs worse. The war stories Iâve heard from my people on the ground are⊠The shit of nightmares. Donât let it be you or anybody you love.
If you live in the state of Georgia, DM me for a longer list of resources.
Fentanyl information (harm reduction.org)
Get Narcan
How to use fentanyl test strips
Call 311 to find out where to get Narcan in your community at no cost to you
#rtxt#addiction#harm reduction#My mutuals who post about using drugs Iâm peering at you like a little creeper!#This is ok to reblog!
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i am okay tho i just have momeys sometimrs . please do not ever worry abt me guys
#i rly rly rly appreciate any asks u guys send me truly i usually hold onto then bc i dont know how to respond and rheyre good to see#sometimes#but im not in any danger i rly am. safe. i have a lot of things keeping me from doing That so. i am safe. dw.#i just get sad a lot. and its my fault i need 2 judt stop it and suck it uo and Work on it all but its so. insurmountable. and it judt#doesnt get easier yk. it never does. whatsver.#but. anyways i am safe i am okif it got to the point i was like. fearful for my life thatd either be The delusion (which is actually good#for me i cant explain it but its good for me) or i coulf talk to my family abt it and theyd help#i just cant talk to them abt This. stuff. the like. the being broken stuff and just not being right#i cant talk to any of them abt that. but if i said hey im genuinely faarful i miggjt do something they would um. help. so its okay#idk. i hope the posts dont seem like i make them for pity i rly dont this blog is just my stream of consciousness#ik i just shouldnt post them and i should judtkeeo a diary but i dont um. how to explain thid#even if nobody sees it it feels better to make a tumblr post bc then it feels like. a performance i guess. its not its real but its like#if i put it somewhere other ppl can see it then that means i exist. thats not quite right but i dont know how to articulate like#i dont nexessarily want ppl to see them i find it embarassing i guess. but it feels dishonest to not post them#since i post everything else. bc i like being open online it makes me think im real. does that make sense#and there are timestamps so i know when things happen. thsts modtly how i remember things#is looking at my blog and checking dates and timestamps. and for older stuff i have to check my dms with ykw. which. is not good for.me at#all. but ihave no other way to remember dayes#i dont know. im rly sry i hate podting vents but i dont like deleting posts eithrr so j dont know oike. idk.#just idk know they arent like. They are serious they are how i feel and i usually make them ehen im in distress#but its not dangerous distress i judt get hopeless. yk? i dont wanr anybody to worry abt me ever im not supposed to be a burden#i dont knoe. i havent articulated anything well. basicallt i dont do rhem for attention i dont do them for like. guilttripping or pity#i dont rly do them for any reason other than irs pure word vomit. i suppose. and tumblr is my wordvomit website. i judt get on here and yap#and it makes me feel so much worse but i get better eventually so its fine.
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i really like the tobacco - babysitter music video bcus it validates my feelings abt falkor being a horrific beastmonster and it pleases me that the puppet is being utilized for an appropriate horror-related purpose
#have i said i hate the neverending story movies bcus i do#it's one of the few things i hate viscerally for weak reasons#i think all the pupprts are ugly the story is boring af and all the acting voice & physical sucks and grates on me#i hate how everyone sounds and i despise every word they say i feel like i'm being spoken down to#my parents bought the 2nd on dvd at walmart for us children when i was under 10 and it was truly the most boring movie exp i had as a kid#i feel dumb but i just hate them sm and cant articulate beyond this#it isnt even that i genuinely find falkor terrifying it's mostly bcus i feel forced into finding him endearing#neverending story feels like it's forcing me to feel emotions i'm not like idk does that make sense#i think of the little girl shedding like a single tear and all i can think abt is wanting to slap it off her face as a kid#did anyone else hate these at all#anyway this mv tho. the way i feel abt it is that genuine excitement when it feels like art was made specifically for you#i feel seen and heard and the visuals delight me and the music elevates the whole experience#it's v cohesive for me very short horror film very i feel like i oughtta run but i need to keep an eye on this lurking thing#i need to know its deal !!#ok. i'm done thx for reading my 4am thoughts watch this music video and rejoice avec moi mes chĂšres jtaime muah
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Hello,Do you have any tips for recovering from internet brain rot? It's like my patience has dried up and if there's a huge amount of text (even about topics I'm very interested in) that I have to read, I get annoyed and just don't interact with the material at all.
I have multiple tips!
TL;DR (Because of course I generated a wall of text): Take a break from the internet, create a schedule for getting yourself used to reading longer texts, take breaks while reading, and perhaps reconsider how you interact with The Internet and the world in general.
Here are the basic "to reduce the brain rot just don't interact" tips:
Take a break. Give yourself time off from The Internet (for these purposes The Internet is the social media industrial complex; clickbait news, recommended videos, social media sites, etc. You don't have to totally check out of email or your local news site, just get away from the huge time sucks). I'd say to take at least one day a week where you're online for less than an hour a day, and to maybe work up to doing a week-long break from whatever the main agents of rot are.
Once you've identified the main agents of rot, give yourself a time limit or set up rules for yourself. I don't let myself look at social media in bed, for instance; no staying up late on my phone, no scrolling before I get up and start my day. I don't give myself a strict time limit anymore, but for a while there I was very firm about "you only get to go online 4 hours a day" with myself.
Don't comment (or at least only share the things you really want to share). If you feel the need to argue, or if you feel pressured into sharing something, don't. Step back, maybe even open the post in a new tab or send it to yourself, and come back later. If you've been thinking about it and have decided it IS something you care enough to talk about, share it. If you look at the tab and feel stressed out or still feel reactive, close the tab and walk away.
Go out and interact with the real world in a non-work capacity for a few hours a week; take walks or go shopping or go out and take pictures of insects. Touch grass so that The Internet is not the only thing you're doing with your downtime.
Here are the "work on reading longer texts specifically" tips:
Set a reading goal for yourself. Maybe you want to read one New Yorker article a week, maybe you want to read all the way through news articles, maybe you want to read novels like you used to in high school. Figure out what your actual goal is and articulate that goal to yourself.
Set up a practice schedule and gradually increase the amount of time you're reading. Don't go from short tumblr posts to a novella, go from short tumblr posts to slightly longer news articles, then to slightly longer essays, then to a novella. You can do this in literal paragraphs if you want to - maybe your goal for your first day is to read five paragraphs in a row, and the second day is seven, and the third day is ten, etc, until you are comfortably reading for longer amounts of time without counting paragraphs. (Try this with books from gutenberg.org; read a classic you haven't read a few paragraphs at a time and if you find yourself going over your paragraph count, let yourself run with it. If you finish a book, good for you, find another one and start again.)
Set up a maintenance schedule. If your goal is to read longer news pieces, try to read a longer piece every week and try to read to the end of every news article you open. If your goal is to read novels or longer nonfiction, try to read a book a month (maybe setting aside dedicated time each week to read, maybe Thursday evenings are book time now). If you find yourself falling back into old habits, take a break from The Internet and do some more rigorous practice for a while.
If you find yourself getting frustrated while you are reading you can also take a break! Read until you get frustrated and then *instead of switching to a different page or closing the article* close your eyes or look out the window or away from the screen for thirty seconds (count 'em! count out the time in your head) and then continue reading. You can also take a longer pause and sit and think about why you're getting frustrated. Is it the subject matter? Is it just looking at this text for longer than a couple minutes (if you are experiencing FOMO because you're reading for another few minutes instead of scrolling, the harder tips at the bottom are going to be important to you)? Are you comfortable? Are you reading this text to procrastinate from something and the procrastination is making you nervous? Are you trying to read to the bottom of your dash and reading a long post is taking up more time than you want while scrolling? Are you bored? Genuinely and very seriously: are your eyes straining and does your head hurt (if this is the case when is the last time you had your eyes checked or your glasses prescription updated)?
Here are the much harder "examine yourself and reassess your reactions to things" tips:
Work on re-training your attention span.
Identify something that you enjoy and find deeply engaging, and schedule some dedicated time for that thing. Set a literal timer (it can be a short amount of time at first) and sit down and do the thing without switching to a different website or opening up an app on your phone. This can be re-reading or watching a couple episodes of a show you like or listening to your favorite album while you sit down and draw. What's important is to spend a longer time focusing on doing something you DO like before attempting to spend a longer time focusing on something you DON'T like.
When you're starting on things you DON'T like, start with things you mildly don't like, or that feel tedious but aren't actually unpleasant. One way I do this is by transcribing poetry; I look up poems that I connect to and I transcribe them into a notebook that I have for that purpose. I enjoy having the finished product, but I don't enjoy the process, so it takes some effort to stick with it. Maybe there is a boring book you have been trying to get through, maybe you need to detail your car, maybe you've been trying to take up embroidery - these are good things to make yourself pay attention to (having music or a podcast on can help, but avoid watching videos or opening social apps)
When you're okay at that kind of thing (doing something not actively unpleasant) work on your attention span for things you ACTIVELY don't like. I don't think you should be a masochist about this, but you should work on being okay with doing unpleasant things for a sustained period of time. All of us have to do unpleasant stuff sometimes, and it's better to be able to pay attention to it for an hour at a time than it is to put it off forever.
This leads into the next Big Tip which is:
Work on being less reactive
Find something that you dislike; I'm going to use conservative talk radio as my example.
Expose yourself to the disliked thing for short periods of time (under ten minutes, maybe under five minutes).
Work on moderating your emotions during the time spent exposed to the disliked thing. If it makes you angry, work on intellectualizing the anger without becoming agitated by it. If it makes you sad, work on accepting that sadness without letting it drag down your mood. This isn't precisely about becoming numb to stimuli, but it is about being more in control of how your emotional reactions impact you.
Analyze the disliked thing. Why does it make you angry? Is that on purpose by the creator of the thing? Would it make someone else angry in the same way? How would you explain the anger to a neutral third party?
Consider responding instead of reacting. Let's say you're seeing a lot of very sad and upsetting things online and it's making you sad and upsetting you. You re-share these things because you don't feel like there's anything else you can do or you get angry when you see people sharing incorrect information, perhaps you argue with people about this. Now try looking at the upsetting things through the lens of point number four. This has upset you; how has it upset you? And once you've thought about how it upset you and have articulated that to yourself, find out what you can DO. I cannot make conservative talk radio go off the air, but I can support the groups harmed by conservative talk radio; thus there is no point in me getting upset and angry about conservative talk radio when I could be helping the people they target instead.
And that gets us to the last big tip which is:
Ask yourself if you are spending your time in a way that is enjoyable and edifying.
We all have limited time in our days and limited time in our lives. If you are finding yourself frequently frustrated online, it's a good time to consider whether you want to be spending so much time online.
If you feel like The Internet has become a rat race in which you can't read more than a few paragraphs without getting frustrated, there's a good chance that not only are you spending too much time on The Internet, but you're also spending it on doing things that you don't particularly like.
A realization like yours, Anon, that you are getting frustrated with any longer texts, can actually be really helpful because it provides a good opportunity to look at what you're engaging with and consider the questions:
Is this something I enjoy?
Do I feel good when I do this thing?
And that's a great way to figure out how to get rid of things that are leading to your background frustration. Maybe that looks like paring down the list of blogs you follow, maybe that looks like unsubscribing from some youtubers and podcasts, maybe that looks like uninstalling apps, maybe that looks like blocking a whole bunch of people and terms on your socials.
I don't think that everything we do has to help us grow as a person or expand our consciousness or anything like that, but I do think it's important to prioritize doing things that you like and doing things that you feel good about.
Like, I'm not doing something *wrong* if I spend an afternoon on Youtube watching drama channels every once in a while, but if I come out of a few afternoons of watching youtube drama channels feeling restless and anxious and like I wasted my time - even if I enjoyed myself while I was watching - it's probably a good idea for me to take a break from drama channels and see if there's something I can do instead that will make me feel better.
ALSO, A NOTE:
You are an animal that requires significant enrichment in your enclosure.
Think about tigers. Tigers in captivity are going to be excited to get high-value treats for any reason. They will eat and enjoy the treats. But if a tiger in captivity is only given the treats and never given any other form of activity to engage with, it is not going to be a happy tiger. If you start putting their treats in a pumpkin or a puzzle feeder or giving them toys to play with, that is going to be a much happier tiger.
Please give your brain things to play with that are more than just treats (though it does need some treats!). Make yourself a happy tiger. Your brain need a puzzle feeder, not a treat button.
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Calling you out for excellent self-talk strategies.
Iâve noticed in your posts about ongoing health that you often finish up with something along the lines of âI am experiencing Situations and Limitations, and this is ok. It is unpleasant, but still okâ
(Ok as in morally neutral, not as in everything is fine and normal and should be ignored)
And like⊠I canât articulate how much I appreciate seeing that. Itâs helpful as an outsider to see things put into context like that, and itâs also excellent modeling. Because I try so hard to talk to myself the same way, but sometimes itâs⊠just⊠really hard. And seeing other people using the same words makes it feel a tiny bit easier, for me, like itâs a little more real. And maybe it is actually ok.
Thank you for noticing, and Iâm glad itâs something you find validating.
Itâs actually something Iâve learned from radical acceptance therapy.
Too many people think that acceptance means either giving up or that youâve found a way to be positive about something, when in reality it is a neutral stance.
I work daily to accept the curve balls my complex health needs throw at me. I am not happy about them, and nor do I need to be.
I refuse to embrace toxic positivity and say I am thankful for the challenges I overcome because I am not. No one needs to be thankful for surviving suffering. You are not obligated to find meaning in your pain.
It can just be something that is.
But nor should I view myself as negative.
I can acknowledge that I have negative feelings toward it, but I refuse to assign moral value to my situation because health is morally neutral. I will not berate myself with shoulda, coulda, woulda. Thatâs the path to madness and one Iâve been down many times before.
Itâs far more healthful for me to say, âwow, this sucks. What can I do in this moment to care for myself that is realistic and mindful of my limitations?â and move on from there.
Sometimes the answer is ânothingâ in which case I accept that all I can do is rest and be kind to myself over it.
Itâs hard. But itâs a skill worth learning.
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