#anyway! i just think art as catharsis is interesting! and it was cool to suddenly notice the parallels between my mbs and my poetry

[thatfriendlyanon]

take my heart, don’t break it / love me to my bones...

[terramythos]

TerraMythos’ 2020 Reading Challenge In Review - 9/10s!

See Master Post

Here's the 9/10 books of this year -- books I really liked but not to the point of perfection. 

1. This Is How You Lose The Time War by Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone (Full Review Here)

This is a beautifully-written novella about two women from enemy time travel societies. They start as rivals who pass taunting letters to one another and gradually fall in love with each other through their writing. There’s some really beautiful and interesting locations, and I love the longing and emotion in the letter sequences. I think using a science fiction setting for a love story is super cool; especially with time travel, there’s a sense of predestination not found in other genres. I also like the idea of each author writing one of the two leads, so the style is slightly different between them. 

2. The City We Became (Great Cities #1) by N. K. Jemisin (Full Review Here)

Jemisin is a fantastic author and created my favorite series ever (The Broken Earth), so I was stoked to read book one of a new series by her. The concept here is that cities become sentient beings over time given enough people and cultural influence. New York City is about to be born into a human avatar, but something goes wrong. An eldritch foe known simply as The Enemy seeks to sabotage the nascent city and almost succeeds. Proto-avatars of the city’s boroughs have to find their inner power and band together to rescue him and save the city. 

I really dig the ensemble cast, especially Manny (Manhattan), Bronca (The Bronx), and New York City himself. The book is also a great middle finger to Lovecraft, as the cosmic horror element is steeped in structural racism and oppression, with the Eldritch Aesthetic being a creepy pale white. Super excited for the next book. 

3. Artificial Condition (The Murderbot Diaries #2) by Martha Wells (Full Review Here) 

I’ve already said plenty about the Murderbot books on my 10/10 list. I really like this one in particular because it introduces ART, one of the best supporting characters in the series. It’s super interesting to see how Murderbot interacts with a non-human person (or... spaceship. But ART is also a person for sure) similar to itself and I really like the banter and friendship between the two. Like the rest of the novellas, it’s short, but it packs in a lot of story and heart. 

4. Rogue Protocol (The Murderbot Diaries #3) by Martha Wells (Full Review Here) 

My other 9/10 selection for this series! There is a heavy focus on Murderbot’s past and how far it’s come ever since it freed itself from the company’s mental slavery. This probably has the strongest character development in the series outside of Network Effect, with a genuinely sad and sobering ending. 

5. Finch (Ambergris #3) by Jeff VanderMeer (Full Review Here) 

I think this book is where I really “got” the Ambergris series; it’s a pseudo-trilogy with a lot of postmodern elements, but this one is the most straightforward. Finch is a fascinating mix of noir, dystopia, and cosmic horror. I even called this “nontraditional cyberpunk”; there’s elements of a surveillance state, underground resistance/revolution, artificial implants/bodily enhancements-- but all related to fungi and eldritch horror. 

Anyway, this book stars Finch, a detective working in the city of Ambergris, who is tasked with solving an impossible double-murder case. In his investigations, he soon stumbles upon a web of conspiracy related to the downfall and takeover of the city by the gray caps, the humanoid mushrooms who enslave and oppress the human population. It’s just as weird as it sounds, but if you made it to book three, you'll be plenty familiar with how bizarre the series is. Technically, this book is a standalone, but I recommend reading the other two first as they are integral to understanding the plot. 

6. The Last Sun (The Tarot Sequence #1) by K. D. Edwards (Full Review Here)

This is a really impressive debut novel with an interesting world concept and great characters. The idea is that Atlantis was a real thing and got destroyed. The surviving inhabitants decided to build a new city by magically stealing a bunch of buildings throughout the world and transporting them to Nantucket. The result is a cool patchwork urban fantasy setting. There’s a huge tarot motif, hence the series name. It’s also gay! 

I fell in love with the excellent character banter, especially between Rune and his soul-bonded bodyguard Brand. While I had some criticisms on the plot structure and a reliance on same-y action scenes, everything else was so good I gave Edwards the benefit of the doubt. And it really paid off in the sequel, which improves on basically everything. 

7. The Princess Bride by William Goldman (Full Review Here) 

I mean, the movie’s a beloved classic. If you haven’t seen it... go do so? It’s a great adventure story with lots of memorable characters, lines, and moments. Honestly I’m more surprised I hadn’t read the book before, and I’m glad I did. It often felt like an extended cut of the movie, with a few key differences in the frame story and some locations. While I think I like the film just a little more, I appreciate the novel for giving me a broader perspective on the story and characters. 

8. A Choir of Lies (A Conspiracy of Truths #2) by Alexandra Rowland (Full Review Here) 

A Choir of Lies is a standalone sequel to the book A Conspiracy of Truths and can be read on its own if desired. It stars Ylfing, a fan-favorite character in the previous book. He’s processing grief and depression in the wake of his mentor (the last book’s protag) suddenly abandoning him. A (sort of--it’s complicated) professional storyteller called a Chant, Ylfing tries to make it in the Netherlands-inspired fantasy city Heyrland, and writes a diary about his experiences. However, another Chant has found his manuscript and writes scathing commentary on his decisions in the footnotes. 

I had a difficult time getting into this one, as Ylfing is both relatable and infuriating, and a depressed protagonist can be hard to get behind. However, it's well worth sticking through, as the sheer catharsis of Ylfing realizing his horrible mistakes and doing everything he can to fix them is... well, pretty inspiring. Multiple characters own up to their failures, often at great personal cost, for the wellbeing of others. I think it’s a great message, especially reading it in 2020 when the future feels hopeless. A Choir of Lies also has two of the things I liked most about A Conspiracy of Truths-- lots of meta commentary on storytelling, and surprisingly interesting economics. 

9. The Harbors of the Sun (The Books of the Raksura #5) by Martha Wells (Full Review Here)

I thought this was a nice finale to the series. It has some satisfying thematic bookends regarding the Fell and Moon’s character development. It’s also probably the most “epic” fantasy of the series, with super high stakes and a broad cast of perspective characters. I have to wonder if there are plans for further books or a different series in this universe, since the setting has a lot of depth and potential. Either way, I really enjoyed it! 

10. A Killing Frost (October Daye #14) by Seanan McGuire (Full Review Here)

Another year, another October Daye book! Obviously I like this series if I’m fourteen books in and still reading it. A Killing Frost has some slow-ish pacing, but ramps up a lot in the second half of the story. It’s the conclusion to my favorite storyline in the series -- the redemption arc of Simon Torquill. He’s a really interesting morally gray character, and I think serves as the poster child on how the series plays with the idea of heroes and villains. Also, this book casually drops probably one of the craziest twists in the series at the end, and I am super interested to see the fallout of that. 

11. The Edge of Worlds (The Books of the Raksura #4) by Martha Wells (Full Review Here)

This is basically part one of Harbors of the Sun and involves the main cast going on a long journey to an ancient ruin. The first half of the book is pretty slow and probably could have been pared down -- lots of travel sequences. However the second half is super tense and action packed. I found the ancient ruin itself really interesting and creepy, and the book sets up a lot of things that pay off in The Harbors of the Sun. 

[skaian-fiddler]

State of the Webcomic

Im not sure what I wanted this to be when I started writing it. I know that as of late, Homestuck, in terms of its fanbase and its surrounding politics, has been pretty bleak. And I know that it feels like there arent alot of us left that care anymore. So I guess this is going to be something of a chronicle of the comic, and its involvement in my own experience. If youre just here for classpecting memes, feel free to totally disregard this. Otherwise… strap the fuck in I guess? Theres a nonzero amount of words about to come at you. For this 4/13, this is my account of Homestuck.

On April 13th, 2009, some guy with a shitty url published the first page of an indie webcomic. As I have come to understand, this fact would eventually become something of a ‘big deal’. At the time, however, it was not. I wouldnt be aware of its existence for quite some time.

Some years passed, and people started learning that this weird thing existed. The webcomic had survived through its fledgeling stages, and had managed to gain enough momentum and a fanbase large enough to keep above the surface and on peoples radar. At this stage, the only thing I knew about the webcomic was a single word, whispered in hushed tones: “Homestuck.” A few more years passed and the fandom began to grow steadily in proportion to a roster of increasingly convoluted characters, as well as the hair-brained complexity of the comics plot.

And then, Cascade.

I heard rumor of a webcomic that went off so huge that it fucking broke Newgrounds. Suddenly the fandom was omnipresent, and potentially out of control. From what ive picked up, it was a pretty rad time to be a nerd. “Somewhere, a soused uncle deliberately shatters china on the floor. Muddy livestock is decorated, and then lost track of. The question ‘Who's mule is this?’ at times can be heard over the din. This is now your reality.”

But, as much as I was starting to learn exactly what Homestuck was, I was hearing equally as much in terms of negativity about its fandom. Of their overwhelming presence during conventions, their reputation for immaturity, the torrents of unsealed gray face paint flooding the lobbies of unsuspecting hotels. So, I stayed away. This was like, late middle school for me, and there was no way in hell I was going to risk putting my image-obsessed ass on the line for a bunch of rainbow blooded zodiac alien shitlords and their apocalyptic tendencies. So, I stayed away.

It really was the first time something pop culture had ever gotten this big. Openbound hit, and it got bigger? Somehow? More trolls? Jesus christ. The fandom kept growing at an exponential rate, faster than people could process it, and so much so that nobody else knew how to handle it.

And then it… stopped.

The Gigapause, I think it was called. At the height of their power, the fandom was left with nothing, no new content to grab hold of, no new development to fuel their fan works, no anything. The fandom starts to lose speed. A spot of hope happens, during act 6 and is subsequently dashed against the rocks below as the Omegapause kicks in. I wasnt paying attention. I was busy, there was work to be done trying to get into college.

And just as suddenly as it had come, it was gone. The webcomic concluded in a way that implied that not only the readers, but the fictional characters themselves were freed from the scope and size of their own work. Anyone still reading watched Collide, in what I can only imagine to be 20 minutes of pure catharsis. The fandom got hit with Act 7, and that was it.

This whole time, that entire span of that seven years, nobody had ever ‘told me about Homestuck.’  Until, about a year after it ended, a friend of mine told me that the way I talk reminded them of a character called Karkat (after what Im assuming was a fairly aggressive bitch fest about something or other). Upon my asking what in the fuck kind of name Karkat is, they nostalgically smiled, and asked me if I had ever read a certain webcomic.

We went back to my dorm and they pulled it up on my computer. We read for a couple hours. I didnt think too much of it, but it was amusing enough. I put it away, and forgot about it until one lazy day like month later. And then I think it was Rose dropping a bathtub in Johns hallway that sealed the deal. I dont think I have to tell anyone following a fucking classpect blog about how addicting reading Homestuck is. I got really into the classpect system, as you can see. Im damn near constantly nerding out about videogame-esque class systems and personality studies, and I thought Homestuck’s god tier system was so fucking creative and interesting. And the music, holy shit. A flash webcomic? With LEITMOTIFS?!?

I eventually figured out that thinking Homestuck is cool in 2018 was… lonely. The people that still were fans of the comic enjoyed it in hushed tones, and in shame. It was sad, in ways. A part of me wished that I had gotten to experience it at its peak. I am not one such member of this fandom that has existed when the work was in its primordial stages, and I do not for one second claim to have been at the apex of the movement.

So what does this shitty history lesson good for anyway, right? What does it all mean? It has been nine years to the day, this 4/13, and Hiveswap is the only thing from keeping what was once considered a monumental aspect of pop culture from fading into complete obscurity. I am hopeful of the future of Homestuck, but I cannot help but also feel that one day, in the near future, it will be lost to time. And so, here we are today. I walk amongst the bones of the sun-bleached empire that used to be Homestuck. Not many people live here anymore. One day, it might be empty. One day, it might be that nobody remembers it at all.

But not as long as you are here, reading horseshit like this rant. Not as long as someone is drawing shitty fan art of the Mayor, not as long as someone is shamelessly jamming out on the bus to Sburban Jungle, and not as long as someone out there who cant think of the word ‘Pisces’ without instinctively associating it with the color fuschia. Humanitys drive to build things, to create, is rooted in an effort to outlast their own lifespan. And the same is true for this thing that we have all come to love (hate?), and for all of the thousands of people that have found some connection with each other over a common bond. I know that this whole rant has had some serious cringe potential, but know this, you bunch of nerds: As long as you are out there, reading, enjoying, then the fandom is still alive and well. And better yet? You arent alone.

Happy 4/13, kids.

“I keep having these dreams. Great empty cities, silent roads stretching for miles. The Earth from space, all dark. Not a single light to guide me home. But if someone really came from another world, what would the Earth look like to them? A wilderness? A wasteland? I don't think so. Even after thousands of years they’d see a world shaped by our hand in every aspect of its being. They'd see the cities and the roads; the bridges, the harbors. And they would say: Here lived a race of giants.”

-Acclaimed Actor and Sleeping Prophet, Charles Dutton

-Alexandra Drennan, The Talos Principle

[lascosasquesalendemicabeza]

Im writing in English...cause sometimes its easier.

         Its been a while since I  wrote in english. There is something quite liberating about writing in a different language. Even if you don´t get anything the exact same way you imagined in spanish and it doesn´t sound  remotely similar to the beautiful choice of words in my own language, english has always been comfortable and  practical to me. There are a few  things that have been constant in my life, but my love hate/relationship with english and americans is pretty much part of what I am and what made me.  Don´t worry im not going to write about that ¨This¨, what im writing, has a sole purpose: catharsis. I´ve always been good at starting things, sometimes I don´t know where I get the energy but I always have it for beginnings. Even  when I don´t feel  like going out  I think to myself ¨You don´t know what magic story you might  be missing, what random night awaits¨ and I drag myself out looking  like hope with red lipstick. Its the middle part I fear and the ending I almost always rather miss. I don´t like goodbyes they are sad and hopeless, something dies. I loved moving away when I was little  because you could always reinvent yourself, I could be anyone I wanted in any new school or neighborhood. I convinced myself I could improve, change or adapt (my favorite word) to almost anything and all the time. It´s when water stays still that I crack. Stability makes me nervous, it plays with my head if nothing is moving then where is it going? is it over? is it safe?  is it forever? is it real? did it loose all magic? did it die when it stopped ? I´m not good at dealing with things just happening I need to know where they are going. I used to think I  had some sort of control,  I learned the harsh way I    don´t but I  also learned that you DO make decisions that affect what will happen or not. I decided to start feeling something again after a long time of not trying to ,because I was scared of the stability and of what was going to happen question I couldn´t answer with certainty ever. See stabiIity for me is no movement so if you don´t move  then you stop and if you stop I need to know what will happen. I  created interesting  ways of actually trying to control what would happen like choosing the same guys all over again, boycotting myself reacting or doing things I  knew worked against me before etc. See people think I don´t like stability because I  feel trapped but the real reason is its uncertainty I fear and I fear it because I  kind of need it to feel alive, I fear it and crave it at the same time. Just like chocolate cake I  hate it cause it will make me fat but I  love it cause it will make me happy (at least for a while). Yes I also enjoy being alone very much, maybe more than people think because most of the time im around people. I saturate my day with activities and I always try to be there for everyone. One of my friends when we were coming back from a jazz concert last weekend walked me home. As we were walking we talked about a lot of things, suddenly he stopped and asked ¨do you ever get tired of being you? you always have so many things to do, people to see , places to be and if you are not doing that you are working¨  What happens to me when I  have down time is I  don´t know what to do with it. I love going for a walk, listening to music, writing, going to the movies, and just observing people as they walk by and I have my third cup of coffee in the afternoon. The thing I´ve come to realize is I do all this things for me, yes for me it´s not out of fear of not being a good friend, or feeling guilty, or even full-filling a social duty. I do it for me, because the only real thing I  absolutely adore in life is PEOPLE I love people. I love getting to know them, looking at them, writing about them. I love to see different reactions to the same things, I  absolutely enjoy when people are teasing me , or try to lie to me. I like people that are not what they sold you, and people who you can break to the point of raw vulnerability randomly. I adore dark sides , the intense ones that scare me but I simply need them around to se more. Im fascinated by those who have brought out both the worst and best of me at times in life, I aplaude them. I love people simply because they are the ones that show me who I am and I  am constantly looking for myself. Those who can help in this process make the cut every-time some have been here for years, others leave or are left behind. I like to think im sort of an amateur sociologist but then again I do this for myself in order to get to know ME. Not everyone has the necessity of getting to know themselves but I´ve always thought it was of great importance to not only know myself but always look for newer updates or try to find covered up personality traits or traumas to understand and accept. Throughout my 33 years as a human being it took me almost 26 to realize this was something I needed to do in order to live my life at the fullest and with the best version of me. If you think about this long enough , mindfullness, being vegan, religion etc all use other people, animals or beliefs to have a foundation of what they should , do , follow, eat, be. I think meditation and yoga and of course all the arts  are the only ones using ourselves directly for the purpose of understanding oneself and living a happier life. Anyways everyone does it their own way I do it with people. It´s funny how by writing this in english I completely alienate myself. Its another language I get to be someone else, a different language and accent provide me with a clean slide to write whatever the fuck I want. Its me but its not really me right? 

Well this was liberating, cool to have you here.

f