#i need to clean my flat so bad. but i dont know where to start and it's quite literally killing me.

[widevibratobitch]

im gonna start screaming in 3...2....1....

[catmask]

if it's not too intrusive, would you be comfortable talking about your experiences with OCD and maybe what made you seek a diagnosis?

idm it might help other people. i mean disclaimer not to use this as a diagnostic tool but if this sounds like u and u got a doc to talk to its worth bringing up

i think an important place to start and why i didnt think i had ocd is i am 1) autistic 2) a csa victim. this is pertinent because all of the things that actually lead me to get diagnosed with ocd i just kept dismissing as parts of those two other things. thinking 'surely this is all thats up there cant be anything else wrong with me' (<- thoughts of a clown)

the trouble with this is that coping skills id found for parts of both autism and csa trauma weren't working with things i later found out were related to ocd. so like, for example. frequently having intrusive thoughts about csa/sex trauma, i was told that if im experiencing a flashback the best thing i can do is try to ground myself and comfort myself. and yeah this is true, it would work if a flashback is all it was. but what it DIDNT account for is the guilt/dirty feeling id get after having them and the obsessive need to be 'clean' after.

and this trickled into hundreds of aspects of my life. 'cleaness' has always been such a vague unattainable concept unmedicated for ocd. if some things touch other things theyd become 'unclean'. if a person i felt uncomfortable around touched me or something it became 'unclean'. there were 'good' and 'bad' thoughts to have. i was constantly existing as if my presence was being monitored 24/7.

i could not fucking relax because every action i took, regardless of whether or not i was in private, i was constantly thinkin 'am i doing something wrong? am i hurting someone by doing this? am i breaking any rules?' and the 'bad thing' i was doing was like. i missed my boyfriend while he was at work. or i was going over former scenarios in which i was socially awkward in my head and wondering if i should be dead for doing that.

part of why i dismissed this as autism ofc too is yknow. being autistic i often missed social queues as a kid and was pretty brutally punished for it (physically by my parents, emotionally and socially by peers) so i was like yeah its Normal and Realsitic id have super intense fear about 'am i secretly doing something bad and dont realzie it because no one will fucking tell me until ive already done it and its too late and then i deserve all the punishment i get' but where my loved ones stepped in and were like Hey thats Not really normal. is where it waslike. other autistic people going 'brother i dont do that'

so yeah. it was like. kind of rule of elimination? the problems that wrrent getting solved by coping skills for the Other problems i Knew i had, i isolated those leftover things and my doctor was like 'this sounds like you have ocd. do you do this too' and listed out like 60 other things i didnt consider symptoms i just considered 'funny quirks' i had, like crying so hard id throw up if i couldnt get a blanket to lie perfectly flat during a picnic when i was 8 or thinking i was going to hell and my stuffed animals could feel pain so i would apologize to them iver and over while crying when they fell off the bed

you know. 'quirks'

[jadeddangel]

Creepypast & Marble Hornets headcannons:

Jeff the Killer:

100% sneaks into your house/ room just to wake you up randomly to spook you

If he ever took you on a date it would 100% be to the cheapest cinema in town cause my man's is broke

Your the breadwinner, you can make $2 a month and still be the breadwinner

He buys axe body spray and sags his jeans like a middle school boy and you can't convince me otherwise

Opened a nesquick Powdered milk tub with a table saw cause he couldn't get him open

Doesn't know how to undo child proof locks on meds no matter how many times you explain it to him

"No Jeff your not listening. Press down and then turn it," your voice scolded

"I'm trying! Damn you woman!!" Jeff yelled back

Yea, he never opened the jar right

Masky:

It started with you and Tim dating and then when you met masky you trying getting to know him

He ignores you at first, more focused on doing his job then dealing with his other half's lover

He's smart, he'll pick locks open jars and complete puzzles in no time flat

He doesn't make money but Tim does so indirectly he's the breadwinner

He'll start hanging out with you after getting tired of sleeping on the downstairs couch

He's not nice, like at all, he's very blunt and when it comes to any type of criticism, constructive or not, he's pointing out every miniscule flaw

Don't bother lying to him, he can see right through it and it pisses him off

It doesn't matter your gender or your sex. He's turning around when you change any form of your clothes. He's big on privacy

"Masky? C'mon masky, it's just a sweater you don't have to turn. I'm wearing a shirt underneath, " you sighed, pulling your sweater off

Masky shook his head. "I don't care sometimes you don't wear a shirt under them, and i don't wanna see your nipples," masky spoke bluntly

Yeaaaa, if you can't tell your sex life is totally (not) amazing with man

Tim:

As I said before Tim has a job, he Linda needs it to pay for his smoking habits

Speaking of smoking, he hates when you do any kind of drugs, he doesn't want you to end up like he did

He's surprising clingy behind closed doors and really likes being your little spoon

He constantly takes showers and cleans your shared home, even if no one except for you, him and masky will see it.

He has this bad habit of just buying whatever he craves, so when he goes to the store, expect the bill to be rather high

As I said before he's clingy behind closed doors but when it comes to pda the most he'll do is lock your pinkies together

"Tim, pleaseeeee I just wanna hold your hand! Just five minutes, and if you don't like it, you don't have to keep holding my hand. " You tried to bargain

Tim sighed "fine fine but you're giving me your box of cigarettes. Don't think I didn't smell them on you"

He has a sharp nose, so there's no point in trying to hide things from him

Hoodie:

Hoodie was beyond confused when he first met you, he had a whole "who what when where why?" Moment

You and brain both pay for everything so there's not really a breadwinner

Hoodie is rather quiet, it's not because he's awkward or shy, he just has nothing to say

Hoodie Hates coffee, he's more of a tea or energy drink guy

I hate to say this(no I dont), but he's a stoner, he hates all vape or smoking products except for weed

He usually sticks to weed vapes since it's less work and he can be a bit lazy when it comes to that

I mean his hygiene is ok he doesn't really shave or trim any thing but his beard but yknow he do him

Speaking of , he leaves his beard shavings all over the sink and leaves the toilet seat up

"HOODIE! GET YOUR BUTT IN HERE NOW" You shouted to get the man's attention

Hoodie walked in. "What?" He said monotonely

You pointed at the sink and then the toilet "pick up your fucking mess!!"

Hoodie shook his head "Nah I'm good. Thanks for the offer, though. "

You would probably try and beat him up if he couldn't just wollop our ass

Brian:

He's such a sweet boy,it like he's made out of cotton candy

He's mostly did cleaning and cooking on top of his job but after switching back from hoodie, he's out of commission for like a week

He picks up after himself, and does his own laundry and there's never beard trimmings in the sink

He occasionally forgets to put the toilet seat down but it's rather rare

He's not too clingy but he does cuddle up sometimes

HES A FUCKING FURNACE WHEN HE SLEEPS

"Brian pleaseee get off!! It's the middle of summer! It's too hot to be cuddling" you huffed sleepily

"Shhh just let me hold you.." Brian muttered

Ticci Toby:

Your the breadwinner. Period

You think this man has a job? Hah funny

He hates when he tics especially when you are trying to have intimate moments together

You guys have to be silly during sex especially when he has a verbal tic and just yells bird

"Fuck toby right there~" you moaned out holding onto his shoulders tightly

"I'm so c-*whistles* shit sorry~" toby moaned out a bit embarrassed

"Toby it's ok it's normal~.." you muttered a bit trying to keep your voice even

Toby nodded "fuck I lov-Birds!" Toby shouted

You both looked at eachother before bursting out laughing just holding eachother close

Overall aside from Toby's horrible moodswings at times and his "work" you guys have a pretty helpful relationship

Slenderman:

No, Just no

This man is toxic asf when you guys first meet, definitely a manipulator

He tones it down after a bit but still gaslights you into getting what he wants

When he gets angry, please down run from him- he will track you down and may or may not resort to physical violence to get you to learn your lesson

If you ask about the missing children he WILL gaslight you into thinking that's he's told you before and it hurts that you forgot and won't tell you again

Sex? What sex? You think he would let you even get close enought to see that shit happen hah very funny

"Slenderman? Cmon I'm sorry you know I didn't mean to hurt you.." you muttered softly

"No. I already told you, and you forgot.. it is insensitive of you and unwise of me to tell you again, " he responded through your mind. And though he doesn't have eyes, you could only assume he was glaring

He's not healthy for you, but you've got yourself into this for life and there's only 1 way to get out

Eyeless jack:

Just like Jeff he'll sneak into your room

You literally can't get rid of him

He won't talk or anything, just stand and stares

He doesn't cuddle and he barely touches you

He definitely tried to offer you a kidney as a way of telling you he appreciates you

No hygiene whatsoever, he doesn't shave and it takes a month before you even get him to shower

He mostly just grumbles and groans to let you know he understands what your saying

He's really smart, puzzles, locks ,and riddles are no match for him

He's blunt, when he does talk it's rare, bit it's honest and unfiltered

You guys barely have sex and honestly you've probably never seen his face

"Jack, please!! I just wanna see your face, " you whined, laying yourself over his lap

"I said no, and if you keep asking, I'll eat you. Literally, " Jack retorted

Yeaaaa he meant it literally and you could tell

[reidshearts]

new roomie?

pairing: steve harrington x fem!henderson reader

content: swearing, mentions of drugs, idiot steve

y/n henderson had always envies her younger brother. I mean come on, how had Dustin Henderson manage to gain five more friends than her. the only friend y/n had was the infamous willow roth, ex-cheerleader at hawkins high and your current roommate at college. they had been strangers before bumping into each other at a fresher's week party, coincidently studying the same subject; law.

you two became best friends and lived in the same flat until willow got suspended for multiple instances of being caught with weed on the campus along with other drugs, however with a record as clean as her's and straight grades she got lucky and no law enforcements were called.

"do your seriously have to leave!", you exclaimed, laying on your back on the bed with your head dangling off "- i mean it wasn't that bad...right will?"

your best friends mouth curled into a smile as she witnessed your antics, "it was going to happen eventually y/n, anyways robin was telling me about this hot new guy who joined, something about going to high school with him back in Hawkins". now this caught your attention as you roll off the bed with a thud onto your stomach.

"first of all ouch and secondly you say that as if im obsessed and fall in love with every guy i see!" you huff, sitting up against your bed, earning a look of disbelief from willow.

"alright fine! how hot on a scale of ten? also what subject is he taking? does he have a girlfriend because that is the biggest question i need to know-"

"-slow down y/n/n ! and to answer your questions, ten out of ten, i think some sports or doctor related thing, and i dont know ask robin when you next see her! anyways shouldn't you start cleaning the flat since your new roomie should be arriving in 20 minutes?!" replies willow with a hand on her hip.

"jeez okay mum!", reluctantly standing from your position on the floor to fling yourself into willows arms "but first a goodbye hug!!"

after 10 more minutes of goodbyes with lots of tears and laughing, you began the cleaning which didn't take too long seeing as all the rooms were tiny! while wiping the counters in the kitchen you heard the jingle of keys and the opening of the front door, so you threw the cloth in the sink and flattened out your skirt before making your way into the view of the door.

you slightly flinch as the door slammed against the wall behind it as her new roommate came into view lugging suitcases and a backpack inside, looking up at the stranger before you, you struggled to get the words out.

My gods he was pretty, mousy brunette hair with lighter brown highlights were illuminated from the sun streaming through the kitchen blinds. you didn't know whether it was from the heat or if he was naturally glowing that caused your eyes to widen as you shamelessly checked him out. clearing your throat you draw your eyes away and caught yourself from where they were to soon follow his torso down lower and smile back up at him.

"y/n", you exclaimed loudly before clearing your throat and beginning again , "Sorry hi I'm y/n henderson!"

Shaking his head at the abruptness as he takes his turn to admire you and he smiles widely before if falls with shock and confusion after processing what you had just said, "Henderson? shit"

He can not be falling for dustin's sister!

[sillylilho3]

Idk what I wrote but I kept going and now I got this......Idk what to do with it so enjoy!

Why does it physically hurt this much? Like a bruise or a pulling feeling. When I read of other peoples love. I want to be angery, I want to be mean and say how they won't last.....but I cant, because I'm envious. Green with envy, I crave it, I want it, I NEED it. I'm crying and down on my knees begging for what I know won't come yet, what I know the universe won't give me yet, waiting arms open for whoever needs me. Not wants me. Needs me.

ive let so many people in, i tried being everything they wanted and needed me to be......and they still left. I gave them what they needed in the moment. So i was useful to them at least, but never once did i want it to end till i saw that they didnt love me anymore.... I knew they didnt want to be with me, i felt it, i saw it, a few flat out said it. One cheated with someone of a completley different body type.........lets just say i knew they didnt even LIKE me anymore at that point. I felt like I was giving pieces of myself away each time. I dont care about the many of eyes that see or hear me in my pain, good. See it. Know Im hurt and know pain...... I don't care for the people that don't see me. Or worse only see me for what THEY themselves want. It scares me. Watching and seeing everyone and how they interact. Everyday I'm convinced love doesn't exist. Divorce is at the least 50% how marriages end. The amount of times I've seen and witnessed people cheat, or how one falls out of love. Or has a "hall-pass". I cant, it hurts. Everyone I know is divorced or unhappily married. It hurts to think of it, how ill never have love. I don't care for temporary love I want eternal love. I don't want a fling, I don't want anything temporary. Like I said I want to grow up and know each other and grow old together in love... I don't want to cherish something for a small amount of time, only for it to be thrown out later. I want to grow up and old together...... And it hurts so bad. Everywhere I look I just see hookup culture.....and it makes me nauseous. how most people don't even care to love......don't want to, To think all ill ever be to someone is some jerk off material....... It hurts, I want to share my mind and soul.

I want to grow my mind and soul..I want someone smarter than me. I want someone who's just as needy and possessive and OBSESSIVE as me. I need someone matching my crazy! Someone who matches my " freak". Someone to go play human bowling with! Someone to set fires with! Someone id run away from security guards with………

I want someone who needs me to be theirs so bad saying it isn't enough, a ring isn't enough, a baby isn't enough. I need their name on and in me, tattoos with little small hidden signatures of their name, tattoos with secret areas where if you look too hard, you notice sentences claiming me. Claiming me as theirs, numbing my skin so I "don't freak out too much" when they do it themselves cuz "why would i want or need anyone seeing whats mine?" And maybe giving me something so i don't move. Cleaning off the skin so effortlessly due to my unconscious frame. Numbing it, so I don't wake up. But when I do, ill have pretty little tattoos on me that I've always wanted, with little secret writing hidden in the tattoo claiming me as yours, showing me later when I'm gushing to my friends about it. Making sure I keep it moisturized and taken care of.

No arguments to be had. God forbid if I can't take the stupid argument anymore, I try to walk out. They wouldn't let me, trapping me with their body or simply just picking me up and not letting me go. When I start thrashing and yelling they warn me how they "only want what's best and how its in my best interest to behave." When I dont, eventually drugging me and "chaining me up" not with actual chains tho. That's be overkill for someone who's barely 90 pounds. Rationalizing with me. "What do you need sweet thing, cuz you're not leaving me..I've already made that decision." Caressing my tear stained face, "Nono hun, this isn't forever. Just till you understand your mine, your life belongs here. With me. I promise you, you can go outside, sniff flowers, do whatever you want. You just need to understand your mine. And ill do anything to show you" Caressing my body, even when I reject them, too angry to be in the mood. They'd sigh and take a step back, "I just want a family hon, is that too much to ask? I know your scared but your body was made for it! You'd look so pretty, tits huge with milk, belly full of my baby, or even after coming home with them on your hip, please! Hun I'm begging you. I know you'll be fine! Ill be here, do whatever you and mini want and need! Just, trust me...."

The type to "just remember" my period is on its way because of "how much time we spend together"..........even tho I myself have a hard time keeping track. Telling me/remind I need to take my pills, rather it'll be for my anemia, my period, depression or lactose intolerance. I'd know in my mind what each one would look like. Until he handed me a new pill. Different, when giving him a curious look they might just say, " they ran out of the brand I usually get you for ____" I'd chuck it up to that and take the pill without a second thought. He's my bf, my husband, my other half, my soul mate. They only want what's best for me. I'd trust them soooooo much. Little do I know they've been swapping my bc pills for hormone pills, everytime 1 hour after I take the pills. I slowly get more hot and tingly. I think it's just me and take off some layers, then the tingling starts getting worse, its like I'm on fire. Eventually giving up on whatever I was doing and heading to the bedroom, hiding myself under the covers embarrassed and grinding my cunt against the pillows in a fetal position. Whimpering, moaning softly and even crying. But they've been watching. My husband, my partner. Been planning and watching. Opens the door a crack and peers in. Looks in upon his little desperate puppy. Rubbing and humping on anything she can find. He'd step in, dropping his pants to the floor and getting under the covers with me. Shocked I'd stop and try to control myself. They wouldn't let me, setting me in front of them, looking down at the mess between my thighs, "awww baby, your so wet~ is puppys pussy crying? Huh? Does it need daddy to take care of it?" All I would be able to do is whimper while they lick up and taste my juices, prepping me for them, tongue fucking me. Flipping me over and completely mounting me, like I'm an animal. Arms around me holding me in place as he lines up and shoves himself inside me inch by inch. I'd be moaning, whimpering, screaming depending on how deep they went. His legs and hips keeping mine open and following my hips trying to stay connected everytime a thrust sent me running. Keeping me in place and breeding me over and over. This happening for weeks till he was sure his potent seed was planted inside me. Signaled by the increased size of my breasts and continuous grow of my tummy, our baby...

[1d-trashcan]

hello!!

i was just going through your blog and you have mentioned a anxiety disorder a few times, i do not really know anything about it so if you want to please educate me on this concept, if you dont wanna its all good. just know i am here if u wanna talk any time :)))))))))

HI!! I absolutely wanna educate you, thanks for asking :) This is suuuper long though, I'm so sorry :´(

There's a few anxiety disorders out there but the most common ones are social anxiety disorder or panic disorder, and then there's GAD which is short for Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and I have GAD.

Stress and anxiety is an evolutional response to danger more commonly known as fight or flight, which is the sympathetic nervous system being activated. GAD is the body being stuck in fight or flight mode, whereas social anxiety, for instance, generally means that the sympathetic nervous system kicks in in social environments (like a phone call or meeting a person).

GAD, usually presents as excessive worry about anything and everything. My grandmother will cough and my brain will think "she has lung cancer and she's dying". When I didn't know I was ill I was basically living in a nightmare. I've had a lot of therapy so nowadays I can identify it as an anxiety thought and ignore it. Some days I can't shake them, and those days are just bad anxiety days. And I can either power through it or I can take anxiety medication, but I can't work on those because they make me really drowsy.

You can develop GAD at any age, really. All it takes is being under extreme stress for a period of time, I think the criteria is like 6 months or something. There are differential diagnoses like chronic fatigue syndrome, ADHD/ADD, bipolar disorder and clinical depression that have to be excluded that early on, though. It's fairly easy to treat if caught early. It's hell, but they'll most likely have you on antidepressants and or something that helps you sleep and give you therapy. Therapy will help you deal with your triggers through cognitive behavioural therapy, exposure therapy (where you're literally exposed to your trigger/fear in a controlled environment) and that will in theory treat the disorder. You're never gonna remove anxiety because it's a survival instinct, but you're basically telling your brain that it's overreacting, and if you get help early you can actually be cured.

I have GAD because I was bullied between ages 10-16, and there's also a probability that my parents' divorce started the whole thing. The problem was that I didn't get proper help until I was 19 and I didn't even meet with a psychiatrist until I was 25 (I'm 29 now). I'm never gonna be cured, we're basically just looking for ways to help me live WITH my anxiety. I just have too many triggers and my body is too used to being in this state that there's currently no way of fixing it.

GAD sometimes comes with executive dysfunction which is where you just physically can't do things. It's a very common ADHD symtom as well. You know you need to do it but you can't, and it essentially becomes a handicap. My most common triggers for executive dysfunction is school work of any kind, opening my mail or important phone calls. In Sweden this is actually recognized as a handicap, which means that I can get help faster. But I have to make the call, which I can't do because of my anxiety so idk how foolproof that safeguard is. I'm on sick leave right now because of extreme stress (it could be chronic fatigue syndrom, but it's too early to tell rn) and now my executive dysfunction is everywhere, so like showering, cleaning my flat or making food is extremely tough and usually doesn't happen, so I have to take shortcuts (like eating at my parents' house, not washing my entire body and only cleaning small parts of my flat a a time).

Apart from being afraid anxiety triggers a lot of physical responses in your body because it is designed to keep us alive. If you have social anxiety you might have issues with your stomach (like stress pooping or nausea) when you have to engage with others or even, like, ride a train. GAD patiens almost always have chronic IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) and muscle pains because our bodies are constantly preparing for flight. I have really bad chronic muscle pain in my neck and upper back which leads to tension headaches. So on any given day, I'd rate my pain at a 5, and that's just. A thing I have to live with.

Physical activity generally alleviates the pain and the endorphins from workout are really beneficial but you can't exercise GAD away. It's just something that helps.

I'm on a high dose of antidepressants, antihistamines to make me sleep and quetiapine/seroquel, which is a mood stabiliser that basically reduces my executive dysfunction, and my medication is always gonna change depending on what my life looks like. Realistically I'm always gonna be on some form of antidepressant. I'm on SNRI's, which control the serotonin and noradrenaline in my brain.

Naturally, my serotonin is really low and my noradrenaline is really high, but in a healthy person the serotonin is high and the noradrenaline is low. The body typically restores the serotonin/noradrenaline levels during sleep, but my brain does the exact opposite so I just have extreme anxiety during the night, which is why I'm on medication to sleep bc otherwise I a) don't sleep and b) have terrible nightmares. I still have those nightmares, but the antihistamine I'm on is a muscle relaxant as well as an anxiety medication so it helps calm me down so I don't really remember my nightmares and it reduces my muscle pain by quite a bit. I still have bad nights that lead to bad days when I'm in a lot of pain. I sleep in a fetal position and tense up at night and I have a weighted blanket to help me relax so during those bad days I have trouble walking becausec my hip muscles are locked.

I think i basically covered everything. There's a lot more to it if you have any questions. I'm super open about this, and have been since I started therapy when I was 19 because I literally did not know I was sick until I was 17 and it took another two years to understand just how bad it was so I like to be as vocal as possible so people might find out and get help.

I'm SO SORRY for this long ass post though.

[unlimitedhorsepower]

Tagged by: @thevoiceofthanatos​

Favorite color: warm bright yellow, mustard yellow & old gold, and just yellow in general. its a good colour. it makes me happy

Currently reading: idk, probably star trek fanfic my friend @rubbertplant​ was writing to give my opinion on it. i often read through my own stuff too lol, like whoah i wrote that??? ADHD has taken everything from me including my capability to read though, for real. ive been thinking of trying to listen to some audiobooks recently though, this cannot continue... its just that i also have no ears disease so idk how well that would go. determined to try though

Last song you listened to: havent been listening to music so much bc ive been playing videos instead but my last.fm has all my spotify listens so itll stay up to date on whatever i listened to last. currently seems to be “please play-bite” by pinocchioP. i often just let spotify play me whatever it recommends anyhow so theres variance. and i only started this account like a few months ago max so its not really a full picture of my music-listening

Last movie (in theaters): its not really a movie, but if it counts, the first ginga nagareboshi gin stageplay (recorded and released in finland in theaters with subs)

ginga was always huge in finland for some reason. idk. the anime is so violent though that i got really afraid of bears for some reason. theres so much blood... i never read the manga either i just knew of the anime and partook in my share of wolf roleplays (dogs were uncool! so i didnt do dog roleplays. iirc that really was my reason).

heres some funny wolves from my wolf rp days

2010. one of the first things i coloured digitally... i painstakingly cleaned the scanned pencil lineart with a mouse

2011. i had gotten my first drawing tablet as a birthday/xmas gift and practiced a ton around this time (more than just wolves lol)

Last series I watched: trigun stampede. even changed my phone bg into vash... but millions knives is probably my favourite. he just does everything wrong and makes his life worse. and everyone elses life too bc he sucks. but hes multifaceted so hes also my meow meow and whatever. i hope a ford explorer drives over him

if it counts though, ive seen some star trek TOS episodes and movies because my friends have been watching them. im not super into it but its always fun to hang. i also dont watch a lot of stuff. i dont even know what i do. guy who doesnt read or watch things but listens to jerma videos on youtube without actually looking at them while i “draw” and “write”

Craving: food honestly. i should cook something lmfao. i also want soda so bad but i dont have any. id make some tea but its disgustingly warm in my house so i only want cool drinks. could kill for a nice milkshake or a smoothie rn i think

Tea or coffee: tea... im the only finnish person who doesnt drink coffee for real. also got really into loose leaf tea bc i befriended a chinese lady who is really into tea and has a tea shop in the city near where i live

Currently working on: drawing this and trying to think how i want to do it. somehow want to incorporate flat colours and maybe shade his body naturally, and make the blood look realistic instead of flat colours... hmm not sure yet what i want to do

other than that im trying to proofread the chapter of my ryanyuri fanfic i already published because theres a lot of typos and strange sentences in there but its been a chore bc my body breaks down when it gets too warm smfh... not looking forward to when my apt goes over 30 degrees celsius it is unlivable. im also trying to complete a “lookbook” of my tnb sims. but i always start huge projects that take three million years to complete and im really slow lmfao

Tag people you’d like to get to know better: i could just ask these questions from everyone i talk on discord with. fuck my friends i know irl or otherwise, only asking people who r my friends through tumblr. no need to do this though. also this isnt probably meant to be answered so long-windedly... thats just me. i cant answer with one word i gotta write an essay. heres three tags though @basslinegrave​ @vita-divata​

(record scratch before 3rd tag) and @rubbertplant​ bc they were streaming a game in discord when i started typing this and i was like hey wanna do it and they were like yeah

i expect replies on my desk by 5pm TOMORROW!!!!get to work!!!! no i jest, do it or dont, i dont mind either way, just if you feel like doing this. if you see this and want to do it feel free to consider yourself tagged. godspeed

[zwiebelii]

uhhh tw animal sickness, bc my cat isn't doing well right now, and tw for general me not getting along with my parents, especially my mom

My cat is currently sick, he was basically vomiting out all the kibble right after eating it, for 4 days. He's sort of fine now, we bought more expensive food which is specifically for cats who have stomach problems, and he can eat that. He also poops normally now (he didn't poop for a while because, well, he puked everything right up), and generally he seems fine, but today at 6 am my mom and I woke up because he was coughing and choking, and trying to vomit, even though nothing came out. So the timeline is, he was vomiting for 4 days, now he had 3 days where he was sort of alright, and now this, and yeah - I'm worried. Especially since my parents have never really cared about his health that much, and he is morbidly obese, because whenever he started meowing because he was bored and wanted to play, they would just feed him to make him shut up. He's now 15 years old, and generally it would be good to take him to a vet to just see if he's alright.

Also, my best friend works as an assistant to a vet, and I've been texting with her about all this, and she also stressed that it is time for him to visit a vet for once, no matter how much it costs. Plus he is still alright mood-wise, he still plays a lot, he is very curious, and just not at the point of seniority like my parents like to pretend he is. He won't die from a visit to the vet, ffs

Now all of this has been making me worry, and I've spoken up more about how my parents are overfeeding him, or that the sausage they like to feed him is unhealthy, etc. etc., and this has led to a fight, and it's just once again made me realise just how miserable i am here

In 38 days I can finally move out for real. Until the end of february, it's just a temporary accommodation, and I have to look for a flat for the time after that, but jesus christ. I am SO glad that I will be gone from here for real. My parents' behavior is not normal, specifically my mom's behavior. She's constantly controlling everyone, everyone needs to do as she says especially me because, well. haha, sexism and internalised misogyny, am i right boys 😎.

i am currently writing my thesis, and i have to stay home to do that. she gets pissed at me for staying at home. for a while i would go to the library to write - she would get pissed because i could easily work from home, why are you away all the time? is it because you hate us? you want to avoid us? you ungrateful bitch of a daughter, you're just trying to avoid cleaning, yadda yadda yadda

if i cook something, i get criticized for my choice of food, for using too much of the ingredients, for cooking too slowly. if i don't cook, i get called a freeloader.

it doesn't matter what i do, it's always bad in my mom's eyes, and i am always the worst and dumbest and most stupid daughter anyone could have. if i mention the tiniest criticism of something, i am "just like my dad's shitty family", i get called a "jew who never stops complaining" (yeah the antisemitism is still going, babes 😎), meanwhile she starts screaming out of nowhere, never pays attention to something like her facial expression (which is fine! i dont think everyone should be hypervigilant about what their face looks like. but she tells me to fix my face at nearly every occasion), and she's just all around rude to everyone here

my whole life she's been telling me that i am a rude, gross person, that i'm controlling, that i snap way to quickly, and you know what! i'm not! i have enough people in my life now that i know that that is not me! she is, in fact, projecting her own issues at me. and that sorta brings me to the last point-

there's hope. only 38 more days of this hell. i won't have to deal with them daily, i won't be confined to my room anymore, i'll be able to cook whenever i want, to leave the house whenever i want, to freely pick and choose what i want to do with my life, without this constant cloud of criticism for, quite frankly, RIDICULOUS things looming over me. technically, after 34 days, i have to submit my thesis, and after that, i do not need to stay at home. i can just fuck around all over town, and then, on December 1st, full move out.

maybe i should try doing a countdown to that? i would post it on my other blog (@zwiebel-studies). that might motivate me to get my shit together and get more organized, and provide me with a sort of.... "guiding start".

[furballfaggot]

the creatures have spoken. here is the fully unedited successful recipe, save for a couple extra notes i made when i posted them on discord and some clarifications. additional notes and failed attempts under the cut. please tag me if you make these i wanna know what yall think!!!!!!!!!!!

gio treats mk3 -- unedited recipe, more info at the bottom

goal of gio treats: crunchy, tastes good, bone

mk2 advancements: better texture, somewhat more of a taste, actually a bit crunchy, thick enough to cut beforehand

mk3 goals: stronger flavor, proper crunch

1 1/2 cups all purpose flour

1 cup cornbread mix

2 tbsp butter, melted

1 tsp onion powder

1 tsp curry powder

1 1/2 cup beef brof (made with 4 bullion cubes) (note: bullion is deliberately spelled billion in the original text)

small amount of any nice herbs (added to broth -- strained out probably) (note: i used bay leaves and parsley just to keep it simple, but feel free to add whatever you want)

egg

pinch of salt and pepper (note: originally typed out as "pincha salt n peppy")

"enough pancake mix to make it stick again"

preheat oven to 375 faggotheit

roll dough onto flat surface and cut into bone

transgender to GREASED cookie sheet

poke 4 holes into each bone with toothpick (mostly for looks tbh)

bake until baked (bout 21 minutes)

let cool until cool (7ish minutes)

serves people*, probably

for storage keep in ziploc bag. for added effect make sure its one of those ones that can stand up on their own when theres stuff in em

for the past week ive been trying to make a human body compatible dog treat of sorts because I Am Dog And I Am Weird. this is the 3rd attempt, which worked out wonderfully. im going to make a thread for the notes ive got about this recipe as well as the 2 rejects from before after i send this message, so dont be alarmed by that. no real editing done aside from this note because i think its funnier this way and i wanna preserve the energy behind the whole endeavor. feel free to substitute anything you want in place of anything here -- the broth and cornbread mix are what give these their flavor, so if you want something that isnt savory you should start there. none of this was based on any preexisting recipes, i just thought of what makes baked things how they are and threw bullshit numbers at the wall for a while

mark 3 original baking notes:

- the cornbread mix definitely fucked with the consistency some. in my defense we ran out of all-purpose flour after the 1 1/2 cups i used

- added 3 bay leaves and a couple shakes of parsley into the broth and didnt strain it. the bay leaves were discarded but the parsley stayed

- number 1 most unsettling feeling in the world: picking used wet bay leaves out of cold beef broth

- pancake mix was used ONLY to get the dough to where itd possibly keep its shape. DO NOT use any more of it than you need to

- something in this batch is making the dough rise. pancake mix? cornbread mix?? self-rising flour i used on the cutting board and rolling pin??? hopefully it doesnt fuck things up too bad either way

- froze the other half of the dough for future use. for What im not sure but for something

- is melting the butter the way to go or should i just let it soften? much to consider. there are many such cases. etc etc

- it looks like they dont rise all that much actually. definitely not enough to be a major issue wrt: if they touch but no verdict on taste and texture just yet

- i will say they definitely *look* better when theyve risen a bit. just aesthetics wise

- im gonna load the dishwasher while these bake

- toothpick doesnt squish and comes out clean after being taken out of the oven. so far so gamer

mark 3 original tasting notes:

- oh fuck yes

- FUCK yes

- FUCK YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

- theyre just dry enough, just crunchy enough, and just flavorful enough. fuck YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- the perfect little treat -- not too much flavor, but not too little of it either. just dry enough to dissuade having too many at once and/or to encourage more frequent hydration

- the cornbread mix was the PERFECT addition

- the thinner ones are a little off i will say. a bit burnt i think? but still not horrible

- the beef and herb flavors are just present enough for me

- im gonna be real i was NOT thinking these would turn out so good but im not upset in the slightest. might try and make a sweet version at some point if only so i can use it for my party in july

- mother of god i wish i had an actual tail to wag rn. that thing would be goin at like warp speed. curse this human flesh

- would absolutely KILL with soup. i might make extra noodle soup just for this theory

gio treats mk2

goal of gio treats: crunchy, tastes good, bone

mk2 goal: savory??? strong flavor also. ideally can be cut into from the start, to minimize waste

2 1/2 cups all purpose flour

2 tbsp butter, melted

2 tsp onion powder

1 1/2 cup beef brof

egg

pincha salt

preheat oven to 350 faggotheit

spread onto pan

roll dough onto flat surface and cut into bone

transgender to GREASED cookie sheet

bake until baked (bout 25 minutes)

let cool until cool (10ish minutes)

serves people*, probably

mark 2 original notes:

- dough was VERY sticky. like "put flour on the workspace and the rolling pin or you will have made glue" levels of sticky

- looks like ive got the ratio down for the right consistency to roll and cut into shapes! they were still a little limp when i moved them from the cutting board to the cookie sheet but thats probably easily fixed with a quick chill

- going for a savory approach here. if it works i might see if i cant recreate this with other liquids and spices. and one eggs

- better?

- flavor is less faint than mk1 but still not really all that present. the onion powder didnt really do much tbh

- a little chewy still. tiel suggested cooking them at a higher temp so ill probably try that next

- probably fucks hard with soup though

- the onion powder is kinda overpowering tbh

gio treats mark 1

goal of gio treats: crunchy, tastes good, bone

1 1/2 cups all purpose flour

2 tbsp butter, melted

2 tbsp brown sugar

"an amount" almond extract

4 tbsp honey

1/2 cup milk

preheat oven to 350 faggotheit

spread onto pan

bake lightly until just coherent enough to cut into (4ish minutes)

use bone cookie cutters to make into bone shapes (depending on how well you spread them they may be difficult to keep coherent)

bake until baked (bout 23 minutes)

let cool until hardened at least slightly (11 minutes)

serves people*, probably

mark 1 original notes:

- theyre fine. nothin to write home about. not quite what i was hoping for but fuck it we ball

- theyre kinda chewy? i might have made them too thick. or maybe there wasnt a good enough balance in the batter. ill have to work on that next time

- the sanding sugar i quietly added to the batter did nothing for the crunch factor actually

- almond extract is definitely not the right flavor for this one. it bakes into a light and delicate blink-and-you-miss-it taste, but too much and it overpowers the rest of it

- why did i use honey again? flair? prissybitchism? it does nothing

- like, theres hardly ANY almond here. its a ghost within this thing

- maybe i didnt bake them long enough actually. maybe they need more time in the oven

- maybe beef flavored gio treats would be pretty good actually. wonder what they make dog treats out of. im gonna google that actually

- ok im back. milk-bone treats (the ones i like the aesthetics of) are made with wheat flour, meat flavors, and a whole lotta chemicals i dont wanna read rn. so it cant be too hard

extra post-success notes:

- the honey in mark 1 may have actually been detrimental to the treats as a whole. my guess is somewhere along the way they fucked with the consistency and made them so chewy

- "an amount" lol

- i cannot stress enough that you have to grease your baking sheet and flour your workspace holy shit

- can you tell the bulk of these instructions were written super late at night

- the slight rise of mark 3 is perfect actually. makes them nice and airy while still giving them a good crunch

- dont roll the dough too thin!!!!!! they will burn slightly and suck lotsly if you do that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- i didnt have to pick the bay leaves out by hand

- but i did

- i was gonna pour the broth out anyways

- i did start a load of dishes and look up what milk-bones were made of when i said id do those things. just btw

- i did actually time those baking and cooling times with the stopwatch feature of my clock app! those are not easy estimates, i actually did those ones right

- if it wasnt for me running out of flour partway through mark 3 i would never have added cornbread mix. everyone say thank you to the flour bag being so pathetically tiny

ive been trying and failing for the past couple nights to make a Human Body Compatible dog treat from scratch and yes i KNOW i can just use my bone cookie cutters on any dough i want to but thats different to me. thats just bone-shaped cookies. i dont want that. what i want is something superficially resembling a milk-bone dog treat but made for people and also not with a buncha chemicals i cant read. ive got 2 attempts under my belt so far and i intend to try more. ill post those drafts eventually

[titanicsimp]

FANFICTION SEX ≠ REAL SEX

You probably read that title and were like yeah duh, obviously it’s not real, but it’s important that everyone realizes that smut is absolutely not how sex goes.

Below I’ll be laying out some differences.

Consent

Consenting to having sex with someone, is not consenting to kinks unless disclosed beforehand. In smut we just jump right into the kinky sex, no words exchanged beforehand on what’s a no no and what’s a yes, but in real life it’s extremely important to talk to your partner about it.

What not to do: Jump right into a scene while your partner had no clue that you were going to involve these kinks

What to do: Discuss the in and outs of what you are planning with your partner before you start any kind of foreplay. What kinks will be involved? What are your limits, what are theirs? Does there need to be a safe word? Do they have experience with the kinks, and if not, are they aware of how to perform them safely? Are they comfortable performing certain actions and having certain actions performed on them?

Choking

Who doesn’t know it these days. Choking is everywhere, including in fics. You might see us writers describing it as cutting off air, but never do that! For one, that is breathplay, a whole other kink, but it can also be extremely dangerous.

1. You need to have a clear mind while choking someone. Don’t be exhausted, don’t be angry, don’t be under the influence of alcohol or any kind of drug.

2. DONT PRESS DOWN ONTO THEIR ESOPHAGUS. Gently press down on either side of it, your hand in a V and only the fingertips making contact.

3. Start with only very light pressure and only increase it if you’re partner responds well.

4. Your partner should be able to answer you if you speak. If they can’t, stop what you’re doing immediately. Never choke someone so hard they cannot express words vocally.

5. Don’t continuously choke them, release pressure regularly and if they start being short of breath, gasping for air or coughing, seize what you are doing immediately.

Unsafe sex

Who has the time or need for protection in fanfics? Creampies are hot after all, but in real life they can give you a nice present in nine months and even diseases.

Always use a condom when you are engaging in sex with a partner who’s sexual history is unknown, or if you do know but aren’t on birth control yourself. Hormonal birth control pills are good against unwanted pregnancies, but they do nothing for STI’s.

And if you are in a steady relationship and on birth control but want to be extra safe? Use those condoms, it’s perfectly normal to continue use in those situations as well.

Anal

Don’t want babies? Do anal! Just kidding, anal isn’t the easy peasy alternative it seems to be in smut.

If you jump right into anal, it will hurt extremely and you can get injured! Lube doesn’t magically make you ready to take a dicking there either, you’ll first need to practice with much smaller things. You can slowly start with fingers (one at a time people), but toys are a very good way to do it and there are anal kits for beginners.

Lube is very important. Not just cum, not just girl juices, actual bottled lube. Water based lube is good for everything, including silicone toys. Meanwhile silicone based lube is generally softer/slicker and hypoallergenic, but damages silicone toys. NEVER use oil based lube in combination with condoms (and oil based lube increases chances of infection).

Anal can be messy. You can clean very well and even do anal douching (which isn’t needed, can increase infections and you have to be careful so do it only if you absolutely want it), and most of the ~mess~ will be gone. However, when an object is penetrating you there, accidents can happen. Putting a towel down and having wipes near is definitely recommended.

Wear or have your partner wear a condom during anal as well because you can still get STI’s from it!

Bondage

Time to get the rope bunnies hopping. With bondage you always risk a few bruises, but what are the biggest things you should keep in mind with specifically rope bondage?

1. Never put rope around your partner’s neck. No just absolutely no.

2. Make sure the ropes aren’t around your partner too tight, this counts for any spot it’s around. It can cut off the blood circulation or cause nerve damage and that’s very bad. Ask your partner if they are good and if they have a bit of wiggle space, and continue checking in during the scene. A finger should be able to slip in between the ropes.

3. Be careful with your partner. If they fall while they are tied up, they can’t catch themselves and get greatly injured.

4. Be wary of allergies! Some ropes are infused with scents or other chemicals that might cause an allergic reaction.

5. Never leave the person you tied up alone, keep your eye on them. They can have a medical emergency, get injured or just get scared.

6. Keep a tool nearby with which you can easily, safely and quickly cut the rope with. EMT shears are a good tool and relatively inexpensive. EMT shears have a flat, blunt, tipped lower blade which allows you to slide them along skin without accidentally cutting your partner. You can also get really high powered ones such as Raptor EMT shears that will cut through any kind of rope or fabric extremely quickly.

Stranger danger

Please my lovelies, don’t start a kink scene with a stranger. Kinks most often put you in a vulnerable position, so doing it with a stranger is not advised at all. I’m sure I don’t need to explain how bad it can go when a stranger is choking you or has you restraint.

Do it with a partner you trust and know. If you can’t or don’t want to, find a legal, good reviewed sex club/dungeon. The good ones have strict rules and keep an eye on all the members inside.

Everyone is a kink master

There are so many kinks out there that fit with so many different folks, fanfic represents only a small portion of them. In smut, almost everyone has a dirty kink that they like, but in real life it could easily be that you or your partner prefer ‘vanilla sex’. Not everyone needs to have or like kinks, it is completely up to you and no matter where you land with it it’s completely normal. Nobody is boring because of their preferences.

General awkwardness

Last but certainly not least. No sex goes completely smoothly and like a porn in real life. You or your partner might queef. You might get a cramp. You might bump into each other. You might gag. You might make a weird sound. It’s all part of the real experience, and most of the time only causes funny or intimate moments with your partner.

This is faaaar from all, but I hope this helps at least a bit. Writers sell a fantasy, an unattainable one that should not be chased. Enjoy your real sex like it’s meant to be; safe and silly yet hot. Leave the crazy scenarios to the fanfics ♥️

[sanzuslvt]

Her|| PT one

pairings: dom fem reader, fem sakura tags: lesbian sex, some degrading, cheating, mentions of mommy

a/n: I'm gonna make another part to this I don't know when but its gonnainclude a threesom so be prepared 

wordcount 1.6k

The sudden closeness between sakura and Y/N was weird, but no one really questioned it. Sakura had a boyfriend and everyone thought you were straight. So the friendship that arose suddenly was pretty normal between you two. You were Naruto and Sasuke's roommate after all. In reality sakura was your secret lover and you were hers secret affair she wasnt gay but when she met you all of her feeling towards women poured into the passion you two shared especially in bed.

When did this all start. It was on the day that naruto and sasuke went on a mission together sakura was incharge of the hospital so she couldn't join them but she had yet to meet. Y/N. Sakura planned to go to Naruto and Sasuke's apartment to surprise them when they get back especially since she started dating Sasuke but instead she was met with the sexiest surprise she could get. As she knocked on the door, Y/N opened the door. She wore a black sports bra with a fishnet shirt covering the abs so eagerly picked out the holes in the fishnets. The sweats that she wore shaped her muscular thighs and her prominent waist making her seem irresistible.

Even the scars on her lower abdomen made y/n even more sexy then she was. Sakura was eyeing y/n down like this was the last time that she saw her, and all that she knew was that she wanted her. When y/n noticed who was at the door she smirked in delight she looked down at the adorable, blushing, petite, and but muscular woman below her she saw the way that she eyed her figure. All she knew was that sasuke was one lucky mother fucker.

“If you're gonna stare at least come in '' y/n said bringing all of the attention from sakura's daydream to a rushing halt.

“I'm so sorry i didn't expect you to be here” sakura said quietly

In your mind you knew what was coming and you know it would be hot

“Sakura chan why don't you come in? You're here for sasuke but he will probably be in, in about 45 minutes. Why don't you wait for him with me inside?”

y/n opened the door allowing a space for sakura to walk through she knew that sakura felt the tension that she did and she knew that the 45 minutes they shared would be fun. Sakura walked into the small apartment with about 3 rooms and 2 restrooms. The kitchen was almost spotless and it was extremely clean. She knew naruto and sasuke could never keep the room this clean so it must have been y/n. The way that Sakura could feel the stare on her body from behind was both extremely attractive and extremely nerve wracking. The tension in the air brought arousal to her panties and made her feel like the most special girl out there.

Sasuke was a good lover but he want passionate when he had sex with her it felt like her body wasnt being satisfied. As a kid Sakura loved Sasuke and it isn't wrong that she still does but the thought of him being her lover doesn't make her as excited as it used to. She loves him but she can't find the passion she used to. When sakura sat on the couch with y/n and saw the way that y/n carried herself it brought a spark to her stomach and gave her butterflies. The way she sat and the way that she talked it all turned her on. 

“So sakura… how are things going with sasuke. I know he is such a dick but he never stops talking about you.”

 “Its alright i haven't seen him in awhile so i was waiting for him to come back from his mission” sakura said while frowning almost like it really did make her sad that he wasn't there This brought visual disappointment to y/n face. She knew he was neglectful but she never thought he was like this to her. Sakura was so sexy with her beautiful figure and toned body. Even her beautifully shaped ass. How could he not be so attached to her like a leech. At that moment the animalistic urge took over y/n and she scooted close to Sakura. She put her hand on her toned but thick thigh and squeezed. Then she took her other hand and grabbed her chin bringing her face closer. At the sudden touch sakura moaned small but recognizable and this small gesture of arousal brought the grin to Y/N’s face. “Sakura when was the last time sasuke pleased you mhm” 

“Umm I don't know, '' Sakura said, flushed but the sudden touch of this fine woman she just met.y/n leaned in slower and slower till her lips were barley grazing sakura and then she went past and whispered in her ears.

“Sakura I think you do know you are scared of what's going to happen if you tell me. Because if you do, I'm just going to want to please you even more… Now tell me when was the last time Sasuke really fucked you.”

The sentence that y/n spoke to sakura was the last breaking point, the amount of sexual frustration that she had built up all into this one moment and she sprung on top of y/n capturing her lips on hers. The swift movement of y/n’s hands on sakura's body felt like an electric shock. Sakura was on top of y/n making out with her straddling her hips looking for friction and their kissing slowed but the passion in their makeout was different from everything sasuke gave her Sakura she could feel y/n touching ever peice of her that she could offer and Sakura wanted to feel good better the. has ever felt. “y/n this is wrong what if sasuke walls in.”

 sakura said separating from y/n’s lips and breathing hard from the lack of air “I can sense his presence from a mile away. We have time to get ready, and I have the time to make you feel so much pleasure when you're screaming my name.” As soon as y/n said that she flipped sakura on her back and held her down by her hips grinding into her heat. “Im going to fuck you harder then sasuke has ever fucked you” y/n then pulled her shirt down to reveal sakuras beautiful collar bones and tits that. They weren’t big but they were perfect and sat perfectly “look at you sakura you are so beautiful if you were mine i would never stop touching you” y/n leaned down grabbing sakuras skin in her mouth sucking on it untill she was littered with purple marks on her chest and boobs sucking on her sensitive nipples of course they were in places where no one could see but slowly y/n made her way to sakuras pants. “y/n are you sure we can do this” “sakura we already are doing it” y/n then swiftly rubbed circles into sakura's clothed clit making sakura yelp

 “Sakura baby, you have to stay quiet for me. You don't want the neighbors hearing do you?” sakura slowly nodded no covering her mouth with her hand “good girl now help me take these pants off you love” y/n tears of sakura's pants are thrown to the side looking at the damp spot in sakura's panties. “Mhm you're really such a slut for me aren't you. Getting this over your boyfriend's roommate. You are such a bad girl for me aren't you” sakura covered her face in embarrassment by y/n’s words but another reason was to shield the fact that y/n’s degradation turned her on more than anything. 

y/n licked a smooth line up sakura's panties and made her way up to the hem of her undergarments pulling them down with her teeth she saw the mess that sakura was inside of her panties and this excited y/n more then anything. She grabbed sakura by her knees and pulled her legs apart staring at the beautiful heat oozing from her cunt. y/n then brought one finger to her cunt massaging her clit. Making sakura yelp is a pleasure. y/n then whispered in her ear. “do you want mommy to fuck you? You have to tell me or I wont know baby, I need you to tell mommy what you want.`` Sakura then said “please use your tongue. I want mommy to fuck me with her mouth.” y/n smirked from the sudden passiveness coming from sakura's mouth. 

She knew sakura was going to be a good fuck. And so she did what her baby asked for. Y/n brought herself lower on the couch to her crotch and grabbed Sakura's knees pulling them over her shoulders. She then placed her tongue flat on her slit and licked one strip up. Sakura tasted so good to y/n the sweetness from her cunt made her want to feast on her forever the way that sakuras moans filled the apartment and the way the sakura bucked her pussy on y/ns mouth almost fucking herself with y/n was so hot it made y/n moan on the spot.Sakura was so amazing that y/n nearly didn't notice the faint chakra of naruto and sasuke coming. 

she could tell that sakura was close and a few more minutes and sakura would be creaming in her mouth. But the boundary that sakura wanted was important so y/n pulled aways and told sakura ``looks like our time is up baby lets get dressed i'll take care of you when i have more time. Quickly Naruto and Sasuke came through the door. Sakura was dressed and tried to get up to hug sasuke. But when she got up she stubbled. y/n caught her in her arms making her secure “that was a close one baby try to walk for me… you dont want your boyfriend finding out whos really fucking you”. 

[thcweasley]

Falling In Love At A Coffee Shop

--THIS IS MY FIRST POST OKAY!!-- REQUESTS ARE VERYMUCH OPEN

inspiration: this song. GIFs NOT MINE

11.00 AM

George rushed to his favourite coffee shop down the Hogsmade.

Every weekend morning, 11.00 AM for the past 3 weeks.

He would wake up around 10.30 jump out of his bed, clean himself and get going.

This raise so many questions from his friends. Especially his twin brother, Fred.

Fred would ask him where he’s going the first couple of week. Its always a different answers, vague answers. At the end Fred just stop asking, he knows his twin would have his own reasons.

He opened the coffee shop door slowly. The scent of coffee attacked his nose. He smiled happily as he sat down on his ‘all time table’ after he ordered his drink, a latte. George hummed lightly glancing over the café. An old looking coffee shop. That’s all George could see from this place. Nothing’s really special. But why he always went here? He’s not addicted to caffeine. Plus he could’ve pick any other place. So why?

There’s one thing this place has.

This girl.

He had been eyeing her for weeks now. She sat across George’s table, always.

He really fancies her despite the fact that they never actually spoke to each other.

He just doesn’t have a word for her. How? A ‘hi?’ ‘what’s your name?’

He’s just too scared how she would react. He doesn’t wanna come cross as a creep.

But the fact he cant even say a word to her annoys the fuck out of him. Hes a Gryffindor for merlins sake!

George could hear the bell rings behind him. It was the girl. She rubs her hands together, keeping herself warm as she walks up to the counter to order her drink. She smiled at the barista and ordered. “flat white with less sugar please” George parroted her order.  She always order that and he knew it.

George immediately turned around after she paid for her drinks, not wanting her to realise he was looking at her the whole time. George drank his coffee as he watched her sitting down on the table across from him. Still looking at her. He  focused his gaze on her lips, opening slightly, sipping her drink. ‘I need to talk to her’ His thought got quickly interrupted by her smiling at him. With cause him to turn his face away immediately. He mentally slapped himself for that.

After a debate with himself about what to say to her, he finally got a courage. A ‘Hello, Hows your day today? Im George and you?’ wouldn’t be too bad right? He took a deep breath before peeling himself off of the chair. Fixing her fiery red hair getting ready to come up to her. He looked back at her direction just to see her getting ready too leave. He should’ve known,  the girl wouldn’t be in the coffee shop for long, she would just chill there, drink her coffee and left, leaving George once again.

The Next Day, it was 11.20 Sunday morning.

“oh shit” George muttered under his breath. Walking faster. He’s late.He sat on his ‘all time table’, once he arrived. Finding that a couple sat across to himIts not the girl his girl.

“where is she?” George muttered her breath. Glancing all over the place. “fuck, I missed her. She’s gone already” George cursing himself.  When suddenly he heard someone clear their throat behind him.

“umm.. can I sit here?” George raised his face to their direction. It was her, standing in front of him.  George almost couldnt believe his own eyes and ears. The girl  stood in front of him, talked to him. She slightly tilt her head, waiting for his answer.

He wanted to answer her. But he couldn’t find his voice. So he just nodded. George felt his pulse quicken dramatically, feeling nervous as The Girl sat down in front of him.

“Sorry” she began to start the conversation “I got my coffee already, but I got no where to sit. I hope you don’t mind” She smiled at him. He just nodded at her, his eyes still focus on her. He never had been this close to her.

As soon as the waitress came over to give them their drinks. They noticed something was wrong with her drink. The waitress gave her a Frappuccino instead of her usual flat white.

“excuce me” she called the waiter. “this is not mine, I ordered…” for some reason she couldn’t remember whats the drink she usually get.

“White coffee with less sugar” George blurted out with out thinking first. ‘fuck’ he cursed himself. ‘now she obviously think I’m a total freak’ he cringed in the inside. Wishing he had an invisibility clock with him so he could just disappear.

To his surprise, a light giggles escape from her lips.“ yes that’s right” He smiled at George. then to the waitress. “white coffee with less sugar".  

“how you could know?” She raised her eyebrow at George once the waitress went away to change her drink. Smirking jokingly at him

“i.. um…” He tried to find his answer.

“oh I know. We always sat across each other. You might hear me. Or just see me drink. Am I right”

“oh, yeah” George breathed. Becoming more relaxed.

“I’m Y/N”  she smiled

“George” George smiled back.

“Speaking of. Thankyou for letting me sit here. As you can see there’s a lovey doovey couple on my all the time table” she said slightly rolling her eyes whilst sipping her coffee.

“Yeah. Its okay” he paused. ‘be more friendly George’ he thought himself. “Anything for you. I’m glad having you here” he quickly added.  ‘fuck George, that’s over friendly’ he cursed himself, ‘again having the invisibility cloak wouldve be handy’ he thought.

She giggled lightly, before she started a conversation. Its very unlike him to be this shy, he just wished he could show more of his Gryffindor side at times like this.

“umm by the way. I have to go. Thanks George” YN smiled at him, getting ready to leave him once again.

‘no she cant go! Say something George! say something!’ he told himself.

He took a deep breath. “um. y/n can we hang out sometimes?” he asked.

She immediately turn around, looking at him confused. “sure we can always meet here”

“n-no. I mean like maybe we can grab some food?” he said. He bit his bottom lip nervously waiting for her answer.

“um.. I don’t know if I want to…” she answered playfully.

“um. Okay” George played with his finger. Trying so hard to hide disappointment in his face.

“uh, I mean why not?” she giggled. George quickly snapped his head up. looking at her. Smiled back. “You know youre shy for a Gryffindor” She wink at him before she left.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

IT WAS BAD. IM SORRY.

my first ff. Send request please!!

if yall want to be friend please let me know ahah XD i dont have anyone im following on this blog and im not sure how to make friends here O.o

[ask-idv-designer]

"The ask box needed a facelift, so me and Mara got to fix it up and even added a lock on it. I dont want you have you losing any submissions while you are doing this project from the Owner." The young man chirped handing Hobbs the box.

Honestly Hobbs didn't really see what was wrong with the old one, but anything from his son is always something to treasure. Though now his pressing thought is how the hell did Kyler even get to the hunters quarters!

"Ky, I love you and you are my son, but you know you aren't supposed to be in this area! You know of all people that some of the people here aren't, uh, nice to people. I dont want a kid like you to get hurt here."

"I may be sixteen, but I know how to handle myself here. Mara taught me some tricks from all the matches she went to, so I know how to sneak around and get out of sticky spots. Plus besides I only come here to visit Mr. Antonio for our weekly violin practice-"

Kyler just stopped talking right then and there seeing Hobbs actually starting to look mad. Yikes...

"You know what I'm gonna say."

"I'm grounded...?"

"Yup, and I'm gonna let your Mother know too. You know how we both feel about you in this section of the manor! You are much safer on the survivor area."

"But Hobbs! It's so boring there! And I'm pretty sure it's just as bad there if it means my theory on Aesop being some cold hearted serial killer-"

"But you are safe there. There are many people and they all would be too stupid to even pull anything dangerous with that many witnesses. Now let's go! I am sure Mara is worried sick about where you went unless you actually lied about where you were going."

"Yeah, I did...I made the excuse that I was gonna read at the library for more demonology research, which is the truth though. I did borrow a book from the library here." Kyler winced as Hobbs took him by the arm walking down the twisting corridors.

Along the way they passed the Lounge where all of the other hunters are having their usual Monday Afternoon Debates. On what? Honestly they just pick a random topic and run with it, yet it usually ends up in hilarity. Though now they paused seeing the young boy getting dragged away by his adoptive father.

"Hobbs, why is your son even in this side of the manor?" Violetta stopping the two in their tracks.

"No need to worry, I'm just bringing him back to his mom. This little sneak somehow wormed his way here despite me telling him to stay away."

"Explains why one of 'em vents was loose no matter how many times I fixed it." Burked chimed in.

Kyler was just stuck in the crossfire of immense confusion among everyone now chattering about from how Xie and Fan admiting they knew something was off lately to Hastur flat out stating one of the books in the Hunter Library went missing a couple of days ago to Antonio getting the heat for wanting to take on an actual student.

"Okay okay! We get it! And I am actually one hundred percent sure you got a screwdriver on you little guy." Hobbs announced now giving the ginger a side eye. It took a little bit for Kyler to cave and actually hand over the tool where he admitted he took from Emma Woods. If anything this made Hobbs even more upset! His own kid stealing and sneaking in to a restricted area! "Once Mara gets wind of this, you are SO in trouble mister! Your mother taught you how to stay safe and get away from danger if something happened, not run to it! We are going to the survivor quarters, ASAP!"

****

Angry was an understatement from Emma scolding Kyler to Mara speaking in rapid fast Spanish at seeing Hobbs, for the rarest of times, coming from the other side of the manor just to drag their kid back over here. And all this happened because Kyler just wanted to bring a gift.

Though, when the inital anger came down to a slight sizzle, everyone agreed that the boy is doing community service for a straight week, and by community service they mean cleaning up parts of the survivors quarters. But by the time that whole punishment came and went, Kyler still was adamant on visiting the other side now having to beg his dad to go back to his violin lessons and research. Needless to say, Hobbs finally caved seeing how hurt his son actually looked now having to relegate him to only visit him, the lessons, and rare trips to the library. Hastur obviously wanted to object seeing the book thief come back, but thankfully Kyle did return the book and the respect Hastur lost.

Right now, Hobbs holds onto the sturdy box that just reminds him of such a random encounter. He tries his best to keep it clean and dust free on the days no one submits anything, though he feels bad that the gift isn't really being put to use. Least it's on his desk as a sort of cute knickknack.

[honeypirate]

Best Friends

Sugawara x Fem!Reader

unedited 

“Hello” you say softly and the light haired boy in front of you turns around with a smile “oh hello! Can I help you?” You smile at his friendly face “yeah I’m looking for the volleyball gym?” He chuckles “that’s perfect! I’m going there too, I’ll show you the way! Are you looking to be the manager?” You fell in step beside him as you talk and walk, from that day you and Sugawara were practically inseparable. He joined the team and you became a manager with Kiyoko.

꧁꧂

“I can’t believe we’re third years” you say as you sit down next to Suga in the cafeteria, Asahi, Daichi, and Kiyoko there as well. “I feel so old” Asahi says as he takes a bite of his lunch. “We’ve been third years for a few months now,” Kiyoko says, like it’s supposed to not feel bad anymore. “Yeah well, I still feel old” Asahi says and you laugh, you’re all teens still but it feels like you’re reaching the top of the mountain now, where the other side is waiting to show you all your different paths. You didn’t feel ready yet.

Your hands start to mess with the frayed hem of your skirt, your thoughts elsewhere as you stare down at your unopened soda. Suga reaches over, placing his right hand over your hands gently. When you look over at him he just smiles softly, like he knew the train your thoughts were taking and wanted to let you know he was there for you. You smile up at him, he nods once as you reach up to begin eating your lunch. Suga’s hand stayed against your knee, the warmth from his palm sending tingles down your spine.

꧁꧂

Your friendship with Suga was always comfortable, always easy to be with him. The last two years were some of the funnest you’ve ever had because of him and the volleyball team. Even if volleyball hasn’t been easy, it was always fun for you because of Suga and your third year group. you couldnt help but crush hard on him, he was sweet and thoughtful. He truly cared about everyone genuinely and you couldnnt stop the way your heart lights up for him brighter than you’ve ever felt before. He made you feel special even if he was just handing you an extra pencil, it was in his eyes. 

꧁꧂

Suga didn’t start acting more friendly with you until the beginning of third year, or at least that’s when you noticed it. You ran into him in the hallway and he was the one to pull you into a hug, holding you tight against him as he laughed, telling you how much he missed you during the break. He started placing his hand on your lower thigh or right on top of your knee if you sat next to him. it wasnt sexual, wasnt naything really, just a warm soft touch to ground himself and you didn’t mind it. You thought it was sweet but you convinced yourself that it was just friendly, even if you hadn’t had friends treat you like that before. but you couldn’t deny that it was another thing that made you feel special to him.

꧁꧂

“You know he likes you...” Kiyoko said as you studied on the floor of the gym before practice and you laughed “who?” she smirks and you laugh again “you must be mistaken... No one likes me, Ki” Kiyoko gives you a look and you stop laughing “who are you talking about?” You say and swallow hard and she smirks “tell me. Please” you say and clear your throat. She closes her notebook “Who do you think?” She looks right at you and you feel your cheeks flush as one person flashes in your head. No. It couldn’t be him. “Well I’d guess Tanaka or Noya but they seem to be very dedicated to you” she sighs and flicks her hair behind her neck “who has been even more friendly to you this year? Touching your knee, hugging you more,..” your eyes widen and she nods with a smile “Sugawara?” You whisper and she nods again, a smile on her lips.

꧁꧂

“Speak of the devil” Suga says as he walks in the gym, coming and crouching next to you with a smile. “Talking shit about me again, Y/n?” he asks with a chuckle, reaching out and tucking your hair behind your ear. You freeze, your breath catching in your throat as you look at him, wide eyed and confused. “Uhh.. well” you chuckle and try to get your bearings “you know me Suga. always talking” you laugh awkwardly and he laughs while looking at you funny, it isn’t what you do, you’re not a shit talker, and that was a terrible said joke, so flat. He gave a look to Kiyoko that said ‘what’s going on with her?’ Kiyoko smiles as she starts to pack up her things “I just got done tutoring her, she came to some revelations,.. But i suggested she ask you to tutor her since I don’t seem to be helping much”

Suga looks back to you with a wide grin “of course! You’re my best friend, obviously ill help you!” Daichi calls for warm ups and Suga is up and gone, leaving you to clean your things up with Kiyoko “not him. no . you’re wrong. He calls me his best friend. I'm obviously just a friend to him” Kiyoko laughs, sending you a look that says ‘he told me himself’ but she doesn’t say, and you don’t press her, you’d rather just convince yourself you’re right. He’s Suga for crying out loud! you’ve seen his fan girls at school, there’s no way he would choose you out of all those pretty girls.

Kiyoko rolls her eyes, she can tell you dont believe her but she did her job, she told you, it’s not her fault Suga wouldn’t drop the best friends thing, Kiyoko had told him that you were dumb and that you’d think it was a friendzone. But he said no, it’s way to show her i think we’re close. It’s a good thing to be best friends before a relationship. Not Kiyoko’s fault you were a bit clueless and ditzy. But maybe Suga will confess now that he’ll be tutoring you, and if you say you don't need tutoring you’ll be honest with him and he’ll tell you the truth. Either way, not her problem anymore.

꧁꧂

After you finish cleaning up after practice you throw your back pack on your shoulder before heading outside to wait in the cool air for the team to go get some buns. Kiyoko is on the phone a little ways off, facing the other side of the school as you wait near the bottom of the steps for the team. You tapping your toes as you sand just what was going through your head “i’m so hungry i wish these boys would hurry my stomach in a flurry needs some meat buns meat buns meat buns” turning into you doing jump lunges towards Kiyoko while you were chanting meat buns. Before you know it, Noya, Tanaka, Hinata and Suga are standing around you, copying you perfectly as you jump alternating legs forward as you alternate arms up in the air, all chanting “meat buns” as Kiyoko shakes her head with a soft chuckle.

꧁꧂

At the table eating a bun, your talk with Kiyoko was gone from your head, all that resided in your brain was steamed pork buns; nothing else mattered. You look up at Suga when he chuckles next to you and you raise your eyebrows “what’s so funny pretty boy?” you ask and he laughs again “so cute” he whispers and then reaches out, wiping the corner of your mouth with his thumb before popping his thumb in his mouth, licking it off as he turns his attention back to what Daichi was saying.

Your eyes glance in Kiyoko’s direction and she’s just smirking, she saw it all. Her eyes say ‘what did i tell you?’

“When do you want have a study session?” he asks and you swallow hard “i..i..um” you struggle through words, not knowing how to act after that action. You felt so flustered until his hand rested against your knee gently, it was like that cleared your whole head. You take a breath and look back up to his eyes “how about tomorrow after practice, we can stop and get some buns and then go to..”you think of your crazy family “would it be okay if we went to your house?” you cock your head and he chuckles “yeah that’s no problem. Tomorrow after practice, buns and biology” you chuckle and your hand reaches out, attempting to take a hold of his but before you can his hand has moved to pick up a bun, your knee cold from the lack of his warmth now. “It’s a date” you say quietly and your cheeks flush, turning to Asahi on your other side and asking about his hair care, not noticing the way Suga’s ears turned red and the way he looked at you after you called it a date.

꧁꧂(skip the whole next day) ꧁꧂

His room was clean, and even had a candle lit in the window. It smelled nice and was super organized which impressed you, but the smell of lavender bergamot did nothing for your nerves. You felt so anxious! Probably because you didn’t need it but oh well, you didn’t know how to tell him that so you would play along. You stopped by to get some buns, then headed straight for Suga’s, it was easy and comfortable. But now that you are in his room, sitting beside him against his headboard, you feel nervous and your hands are shaking as you scribble new flashcards

 “Do you know why I like this marker?” he asks suddenly, his notes forgotten in front of him. “Why?” you asked as you looked at the black marker he had. He reaches over and takes your hand softly, bringing it over to him and bringing the tip down to your skin “It’s clear for the most part so i can see what i'm doing through it. So i can underline perfectly. Or draw” you pull your left hand back and see a cute heart on the fleshy part beneath your thumb.

“Oh my god” you say and and he looks up at you, worry flashing in is eyes “what?” he asks and you chuckle once before raising your eyebrows “you ARE flirting with me”

he chuckles softly “thanks for noticing” you stare at him with wide eyes for a few moments, in shock that Kiyoko was right and you didn’t believe her. He smiles and bops your nose softly, your eyes flinching before you laughed and held out your hand for his marker which he places against your palm gently.

“How long?” You ask as you reach for his hand, “how long what?” He asks as you thread your fingers through his, your heart racing and fireworks dancing across your skin “how long have you been flirting with me without me noticing?” You bring the marker down to his skin, just across from the heart he drew on you, drawing a matching one. “Since the Date Tech game last year” your head snaps up “that long?!” You groan “I thought you were just being friendly. You kept calling me your best friend” you hold up your hand with the marker and do air quotes with your fingers “I thought that meant you knew about my feelings for you and you were being obvious about friendzoning me” your fingers touch the ink on his skin, checking to see if it was wet still but finding it dry so you squeeze his hand tighter “wait. . .” he whispers and you look up to his eyes again “wait what” he laughs once and raised his eyebrows “your feelings for me?” He asks and you nod “I’ve had a crush on you since that first day when you showed me to the gym. We’ve just always clicked. I thought you knew and just wanted to stay best friends” he squeezes your hand and then pulls you into his chest with his other arm “I’m sorry. If I had known of your feelings I would have done something sooner. And I like truly knowing someone before I get in a relationship so yes you’re my best friend but I want so much more with you” he kisses the top of your head and you pull back, reaching up to bury your hands in his soft hair.

 “I should probably tell you I don’t need a tutor” you whisper and he chuckles, eyes never straying from yours “That was Kiyoko covering for telling me you liked me. I can’t believe I didn’t believe her.” His nose brushes against yours as he raises his hands to rest against your neck “oh! Well, I’m glad we don’t have to study right now then” he says with a chuckle and then his lips brush yours and you gasp softly before smiling and pressing your lips to his, his thumbs brushing across your skin sending electricity down your spine.

꧁꧂

Going to bed that night you noticed the black smudge of a heart on the side of your neck, having rubbed off from his palm, along with several other budding purple marks he left across your skin. you reach up and brush the marks, memories of the night flashing through your mind as you squeal, filled with happiness and excitement as you run back to your bed and bury yourself under the covers, knowing you wont be able to sleep with how active your mind is, too busy reliving the experience to sleep, too busy being excited about seeing your boyfriend the next day. 

[whumpingcrow]

Pt.14 "Honeymoon"

CW: injury mention/description, unconscious whumpee, bondage, panic attack mention, memory loss, teeth pulling mention (brief, vague), drugs/alcohol, creepy/intimate whumper, death mention, gun mention (brief), abduction, car setting, airport setting, security guards, plane setting, plane crash discussion, tics/tourettes (pretty explicit), August needs his own warning (let me know if i missed anything!)

Elias felt heavy when he woke up, like his head was full of sand. He couldn't open his eyes for a moment, just heard distant, almost panicked voices. After a few seconds, he was hit with an onslaught of pain so bad that his ears were ringing and he could feel his throat closing up. After he adjusted to it (it never faded when it was this bad, he just was able to feel around it, live with it), he realized his hands were tied behind him and he was propped up on a chair. A groan slipped past his lips as he lifted his head up, trying with every last bit of energy to open his eyes.

"Ah, there he is," he heard someone say, "good morning, sweetheart."

"Don't fucking touch him!" That was Tyson, Elias recognized his horrified voice instantly. Why was he so upset? Who else was here? Why the hell couldn't he open his eyes?

"Come on, bunny, wake up." Now when the voice spoke it was accompanied by a hand on his cheek, and he whined at the soreness that lit up there when it was touched. He couldn't remember anything happening, He remembered, through the hazy memory of a panic attack, Tyson telling him that Allen and Leo were there, and then he left the room. Elias waited in the bedroom, standing numbly in front of the closet on shaking legs, trying to gather his thoughts as he pulled on a shirt. But then what?

He finally forced his eyes open, squinting up at the blurry figure in front of him. It took him a few seconds to focus, but when he did his entire chest lit up in a dull panic and he tried to snap his head away from his gentle fingertips against his skin. August only laughed. "Careful, don't hurt yourself."

Elias looked past August, and Tyson was tied up in one of the other kitchen chairs, looking just as beat up as Elias felt. "Oh god," he whimpered, dropping his head down in despair, "oh god!"

"Don't be so dramatic. Didn't you miss me?" August knelt in front of him, taking his face in his hands and smiling. "God, I haven't been able to get you off my mind."

"Please," Elias sobbed, "please stop, August. Please."

At those words, Augusts face softened, and he looked human, almost sad. Elias always felt uneasy when he did that, it was so hard to tell if the sudden affection and compassion was real or if he just wanted Elias to think he liked him. And Elias was stupid, because every time it made him confused and doubtful because how the hell could the person who had gotten so high once he tried to pull out Elias's teeth suddenly have emotions? Where did he hide them away, when he was torturing Elias like it was his purpose? August ran his thumb across Elias's face, wiping his tears away. "I wanted to say that I'm sorry. That last day I...I never meant to go that far. I didn't mean to hurt you so bad. And I am so unbelievably sorry. I hope you can forgive me."

"You killed me!" He shot back. As soon as the sentence echoed back to him and he realized how he'd yelled, he snapped his mouth shut and braced himself as much as he could. He was surprised when August didn't hit him or get angry, only nodded sadly.

"I know. I'm so sorry, angel-"

"Get away from him you fucking asshole!" Tyson shouted again. August took a deep, aggravated breath before he stood straight, slowly making his way across the kitchen to Tyson. Tyson sat straighter as he approached, as straight and tall as he could with the ropes securing him to the chair. He tried to look brave, but he had seen the videos and the pictures, he had seen the aftermath of August's violence on both Elias and Allen, he knew the damage this monster could cause.

Elias watched on in horror as August swung, nearly knocking the chair over with how hard he hit Tyson.

"August!" He shrieked, pulling hard at the ropes around his wrists. "August stop hurting him!"

August tipped his head back, groaning in exasperation. Elias looked at Tyson, who was caved in on himself, trying to steady is ragged breathing. Elias couldn't help but think that it was all his fault, that if he had just stayed dead Tyson would not be hurting and in danger right now.

"Eli," August said, turning back to him. Elias flinched, looking up at him with wide, tearful eyes. "I can't stand being away from you, angel. It's tearing me apart."

"I don't...August, I c-cant..." He dropped his head down as a sob tore through him, squeezing his eyes shut. He gasped when August grabbed his shoulders hard, leaned away from him as much as he could. "P-please, August. Please stop this."

"I have to leave here, I'm going out of country until things settle down." He grabbed Elias's face, forcing him to look up at him. Elias finally opened his eyes as August smiled that warm, almost welcoming smile that always dropped Elias into a confused spiral. "I want you to come with me. I can make you so happy, Eli. We can be together all the time and be so happy. Remember how great it is to be together? Remember-"

"Don't listen to him Elias," Tyson pleaded, "he's lying to you, don't listen to him."

Elias sobbed when August started to pull away from him, knowing he was going to hurt Tyson again. "August, d-dont! Please don't!"

"Elias you need me!" August insisted. His voice had an edge of desperation, like he really was torn up about being away from Elias. "I know that you need me, you're doing horribly without me. I can see that and I know you can see that. Come with me."

"I can't. You...you're gonna hurt me and I can't...I can't deal with anymore pain."

August shook his head to himself, a look on his face that said 'you give me no other choice', then slowly pulled a handgun out of his waist band. "Suit yourself, then." He huffed, lifting the gun toward Tyson.

"No! No August stop wait!" Elias screamed, fighting hard against the rope, absolute panic coating every word he cried. "I'll go with you! Don't hurt him, please!"

August froze, then slowly lowered the gun. Elias felt a helpless sob tear through him and August sighed. "I knew you'd come to your senses," he tucked the gun away and stepped towards him to undo the rope around his wrists, "that's my good boy."

Elias stood on trembling legs when he was able to, clutching at August's shirt so he wouldn't fall. August looped his arm around him to help him stand, or just to touch him, it really could be either. The disgusting familiarity of the way August touched him made him want to cry.

"Don't do this, Elias!" Tyson cried, thrashing in the chair to try and free himself. He was losing Elias again, he was helpless and Elias was going to be hurt again and he couldn't do anything. It was agonizing to watch him limp toward the front door all wrapped up in August, leaning heavily against him. "Don't you fucking leave me!"

"I'm s-so sorry Tyson," he gasped, "I'm so fucking s-sorry."

Before either of them could say anything else, August pulled him out of the apartment and into a van. The second they were sitting down, Elias collapsed in on himself and began sobbing harder, his lungs heaving. August pulled him into his chest, holding him close.

"It's ok, bunny," he soothed him, "just breathe. You're alright."

It took him a long time to calm himself down, especially because every time he heard August's voice it sent him panicking again, but after awhile he pushed himself away from August and wrapped his arms around himself, looking out the window at the passing traffic.

"What happened to your face?" August asked, trailing his knuckles over his cheek gently. Elias tensed up, closing his eyes.

"It doesn't matter." He muttered. He wondered why August was asking that, didn't he send that man to the party himself, to hurt Elias? He probably just wanted to hear him admit to it, to describe what happened in detail. Elias bet that August would probably like that, the sick fuck, and so he didn't want to give him the satisfaction.

"Don't be like that, sweetheart. Tell me what happened."

With a huff, Elias retold the story, told him he knew that August had sent him, that it was painful, that he bled, all the grimy little things he knew August wanted to hear. By the end of it, he was shocked to see August looking rather displeased. He was silent, and it made Elias's skin crawl just as it always did, but then he sighed and forced a small smile onto his face.

"I'm glad you're here with me," he said, as if Elias had never said anything at all, "everything feels...right again." He glanced down at Elias, smiling wider at him. "Did you miss me?" He asked.

Elias looked up at him, a frown on his face. August didn't look any different than before, he was still handsome and clean shaven and unforgiving. His dark hair was slicked back out of his face, his dark blue eyes eerily flat, the smile he put on didn't quite reach them. In a way, Elias was glad he was seeing his face, that he didn't have to linger on the last memory of being choked to death anymore. "Yeah," he rasped out, "yeah, I did."

August smiled widely at him, it looked so genuine for a second that Elias felt a tiny inkling of relief. He was still rigid when August kissed him, but he leaned toward him obediently. It felt so familiar, his strong hand holding his face steady and his tongue slipping through his lips. "God, Eli, you have no idea how badly I missed you. It absolutely ruined me, what I did to you."

"I wanted you to," Elias admitted, "I was pissing you off on purpose so you'd kill me."

August chuckled, shaking his head. "Still, I shouldn't have taken it that far. I'm so happy you're still here."

Elias was surprised when they got to an airport, August definitely had balls, he had to give him that. He didn't know how he kept getting away with any of it, with getting out of jail and making it to other places with no issue. Even as they walked through security, he seemed relaxed and unbothered. Elias was more nervous than him, and he wasn't even the one in trouble. Even the security must've noticed his anxiety, because at one point one of them squared up to him, looking him up and down.

"How are you doing this morning?" One of them asked. She was short and stout, her voice firm yet sweet. Elias glanced over at August, who was seemingly making jokes with another security guard a few feet ahead of him.

"I've never been on a plane before," Elias mumbled, "I'm a little nervous."

She smiled warmly at him, watching in curiosity as he kept checking to see what August was doing, where he was. "Well you look like you're nervous about more than flying," she observed, "if you have anything to share with me I could take you to customs. It's more private."

Elias tensed, thinking for a moment about the offer. This could all be over if he just told her what was happening, she could call someone and August would go back to jail. But even then he wasn't sure it would end there, August had proven time and time again that jail wasn't going to stop him, and he didn't want Tyson to really get hurt. It was easier this way, to just go quietly and let August do what he wanted to him, at least then he would take all the pain instead of the people he cared about.

"No, I'm fine, thank you." He smiled weakly at her, then turned to see August watching them carefully. He thanked her again, then walked over to meet him.

"I hope you're not getting cold feet," he joked, "don't want things to get messy, do we?"

Elias shook his head quickly and leaned against him. "No, I want this."

August smiled at him, reaching out to pet his hair. "Thats good, bunny."

Once they were on the plane, Elias was even more nervous. His whole life he had been too broke to go anywhere, and he honestly didn't think he'd ever get the chance to go on a plane. And now that he was, he was with the worst possible person.

"What's wrong baby?" August whispered. He reached out and placed a hand over his leg. Elias looked at him, face twisted into a frown, and shrugged.

"Ive never been on a plane. I'm nervous." He frowned more when August chuckled softly and grabbed his hand.

"You'll be ok. I've got you." He sighed when Elias leaned his head against his shoulder, running his thumb over his hand. "You have no idea how terribly I missed you Eli. I missed holding you, I missed having you in my arms." Now he was whispering, his lips in Elias's hair as he spoke.

"You know, you did a really good job at making me repulsive. Tyson couldn't even look at me shirtless."

"You're not repulsive, little one. Not at all." He kissed his forehead gently as he spoke, brushing his hair back. "You are a work of art. Some people just don't know how to appreciate that."

Elias shook his head. "You're the only one that thinks that."

"I'm the only one that needs to think that." Now he grabbed at his hair, forcing him to tip his head back and look up at him. Elias usually would mind the aggressive contact that much, but with the engines blaring around him and already tight knot of anxiety in his chest, it only made his heart sink in his chest.

"August, please," he whimpered, before August could open his mouth to say anything, "please I'm so nervous already please don't grab me that way." He was surprised as August instantly loosened his grip, grabbing his face gently instead.

"So pretty when you beg like that," he hummed, "I missed hearing my name come out of your mouth."

Elias ignored the comment, instead dropping his head against his chest and closing his eyes.

He tried to sleep for the most part, but everytime he drifted off he was reminded of where he was and who he was with, and he woke up again with a new bout of anxiety. At one point he sat up and August was sleeping, and for a few moments he debated flagging down a flight attendant to help him. It wasn't worth it. Nothing was, at this point. Instead, he turned toward the window, peering down at the blue ocean under them. They were so high up, and so far away from anything. From Tyson.

At that, he started crying softly, covering his face to try and quiet his sniffles. It was so god damn hopeless now, he was going god knows where with the closest thing to evil he'd ever experienced, nothing mattered anymore, life might as well be over.

"What's wrong, angel?" August said, grabbing his shoulders gently. Elias let one muted, broken sob out, then curled into himself to try and stop any more. "Elias, what is it?"

"I'm so s-scared," he whimpered, "I'm terrified."

"We're ok, baby. We'll be there soon, we're perfectly safe." As he spoke, he stroked Elias carefully, trying to calm him down. When Elias shook his head, he realized what he meant: Elias was afraid of him. Not of being in the air, not of the plane crashing, but of being stuck with August. He sighed and pulled him closer, until his forehead was pressed against his shoulder. "I'm gonna be more careful with you, bunny. I know I was really rough with you before, I know better now. You've got nothing to be afraid of. I taught you so well, you can handle a little pain, I know you can."

Elias was silent, and August was suddenly furious with him. He'd spent all this money, not his own of course, and time and effort just to get him and take him some place nice, and now he wasn't speaking to him? And here August was, trying to comfort him. As if he was worth the wadted energy. His hands grew tighter, and just as quickly as he began to console him, his voice became a threatening whisper. "Where do you get off on being afraid, anyways? You said it yourself, I'm the only one who wants you. You don't get to be scared, I'm going to do what I want to you and you're going to shut the fuck up about it. Understand?"

Elias bit back another sob and nodded quickly, waiting for August to let go of him. When he didn't, he just closed his eyes tighter and tried to calm himself. He counted to ten, but he still felt like screaming, so he counted to twenty. Then thirty. Once he was up in the 50s, he began to tic. He jerked against August, whining softly as he did. This was the worst possible time and place for an attack, everyone would look at him, August would be annoyed and ashamed, he had no where to go and hide while he waited it out. He was trapped, and that only made everything worse.

"Son of a fuck!" He gasped, trying, and failing, thanks to his hands that just never wanted to be still enough to be useful, to cover his mouth to quiet himself. Tears were still spilling down his cheeks, his whole body was shaking with the effort of holding back more profanities or punching the chair in front of him as hard as he could, like he knew he would if he wasn't biting it back with everything he had. People had already begun to swivel around and stare at him. He wished he could disappear.

"Eli, calm down," August warned him quietly, "don't shout like that."

"I'm so- bitch!- I'm sorry." He was crying harder now, embarrassed and scared beyond belief. He wanted to break the window and fall to his death, just to be away from all the stares. He ticced again, ramming the heel of his hand against his skull hard, and whined at the pain. "God damn it!"

August must've realized what was happening then, because he wrapped his arms tight around Elias to hold him still, rocking him a bit. Most of the time, August didn't seem to give a shit when Elias was like this. Sure, when his friends came over and they all laughed and amused themselves with it, August would join in. Sometimes he would try to make it worse, try to make Elias as embarrassed and flustered and anxious as he could just so they could all laugh at him when he couldn't help the awful things he was shouting or the strange sounds that he didn't know he could even make or the ridiculous movements of his body that looked idiotic, August told him a few times. Other than those times, he didn't seem to notice or care about them. Only a few times, when it was painfully obvious that Elias was hurting because of it, had August ever comforted him through it. And thank God today was one of those times, Elias thought, as he qstarted saying, "You're ok, Eli. It's all ok."

Elias sobbed, grabbing at August's arm desperately, trying to gain a little stability. He ticced for a few more long, painful minutes, and then grew exhausted against August and his tics turned from violent outbursts to small twitches in his hands and neck. August loosened his grip gradually, then pulled away completely to look at him. He wiped his tears away gently as he inspected him.

"You alright?"

He only nodded in response, then pulled his knees up to his chest to hide his face. People were whispering around them, he knew they were talking about him. He wished they could just get to wherever the hell they were going, get this shit show over and done with in one way or another. Elias couldn't help but wonder if it would end the same as last time, with hands around his throat and edges of his vision dark and such a distant pain Elias wasn't even sure if it was considered his own. He wondered if August was telling the truth and really was going to be more careful and try not to hurt him. He wondered what Tyson was doing right then; he was hoping that he was getting him help and dreading that Tyson was maybe celebrating the fact that Elias was gone again. It took everything he had and more to convince himself that Tyson wouldn't do that, that Tyson loved him (for whatever reason) and wouldn't stop until he was home safe (again, Elias still really couldn't figure out why). After he was able to cling onto that tiny sliver of hope, that Tyson would at least try, he was proud of himself. He kept repeating it to himself in his head : "Tyson will try to find me, Tyson will try to find me" as they flew hundreds of miles further from home by the minute.

The plane began to descend.

[mcu-fan-fics-blog]

The Helping Hand

This is a Repost from my Ao3 I wanted to bring it to Tumblr. I hope you like it Its currently 5 chapters I will be uploading the rest throughout the rest of the week.

Word count: 2400 approx

Summary: Y/N Krast Illegitimate Daughter of Tony Stark. Product of an unwanted teen pregnancy. What would Howard Stark be capable of doing to assure his sons future? What will happen when Tony meets our Beautiful, young, genius, rich philanthropist.

Tw: Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Drug use, Drug addiction, Teen Pregnancy. (If there are any I missed please tell me.)

Ch.3

Chapter 4: Age of Ultron pt.1

Ch.5

It has been a couple of days since your last dose. You were starting to feel the withdrawal and were not having it. "Y/N are you even listening to me?" You snap out of your thoughts turning to face Logan. "Of course in listening to Logan this is also important to me." You stand up and walk towards him "Don't you ever question that again."

You notice Logan flinch at your words, you hurt him. You look at the floor "I'm sorry Logan it's just been a couple of days since..." He nods and looks at you reassuringly "I thought you had gotten a handle on it." You sigh as you sit on the couch with him sitting next to you. "I'm an addict Logan we both know there's no controlling that." He holds your hand. 

"I'm sorry… I shouldn't have kept giving them to you when Howard adopted you." You hold his cheek and clean the tear rolling down his cheek. "It's not your fault the Oxy it was just… your way to keep seeing me. It's not like I gave you much choice in the matter."

You were given Oxycodone at a young age… It was a mistake you were taking it for a couple of days before the nurse noticed. Hoping to cover her mistake she told no one and gave you extra to help with withdrawal. She probably never thought about it again, after all she was never going to see you again. There were no parents in the picture so no repercussions fell on her. It a shame you couldn't say the same of yourself. 

Logan was a couple of years older when he noticed your "habits" 15,16 maybe. He just wanted to help. Unbeknownst to you both, you just made it worse. You were able to hide or play off your addiction, for anyone looking in from the outside you were a normal kid. In Sokovia let’s just say the practice always had inventory. "Do you need me to get you a contact… I still know some people." Logan says looking forward." You swallow hard. "I… I need one bottle. Logan, I want to stop, but just having it on hand helps." 

"I'll be there every step of the way Y/N" Finally you let out a tear… as soon as one falls you come undone. Quietly crying while Logan holds you. "Logan you are the one person who knows all of me… Thanks for not running for the hills." He laughs "I couldn't even if I wanted to you're my sister, my family." He nudges you "Plus I'm also not the easiest person." you Laugh At Him. Your phone rings and you're quick to answer. "Y/N Krast who is this?"

"It’s Pepper, Y/N. I hope I haven't interrupted you." You mouth to Logan that it's Pepper, you put the call on speaker telling him to be quiet. "It's okay Pepper, you didn't interrupt anything what is it." She sighs and starts talking. "We need your help… Tony needs your help." You begin to worry, taking the phone off speaker and talking to Pepper. 

"What's going on Pepper you're worrying me." She just takes a deep breath and continues. "There's an Iron Suit waiting for you outside." You nod and hang up. Make your way to the office. "Logan If you could please get that for me all be back soon." Logan nods and waves you off. Sure enough, there was an Iron suit outside just kinda standing there waiting for you. 

As soon as you step in you're greeted by Pepper in the coms. "Just enjoy the ride see you soon." The ride was quiet but it just got you more on edge for what was waiting for you. Once you land you are greeted by a waiting Pepper. "Hey what's going on, I'm starting to get worried." Pepper only looks at you and gives you an apologetic look. You were rather pale today the building stress and the withdrawal aren't really sitting well. 

"Pepper I'm okay, but I won't be If someone doesn't tell me what's going on." Soon behind Pepper, you see a woman's shadow walking towards you. "You're being recruited Mrs. Krast to be a part of the Avengers… at least temporarily we'll work out the conditions later, what do you say?" Pepper scenes you confusion and steps in. "This is Director Hill. We need your help just say yes so we can tell you what's going on."

You just nod your head. Not long after Maria calls the team in. "Team meet your new member. I'm sure most of you already know her, as I’m sure she knows you." You stand rather defensive; you know none of them. Other than Tony. Then suddenly Natalie walks up from behind you. "Hey, stranger welcome to the team." You smirk. "What should I call you Natalie, Natalia, Natasha, or just Nat." She laughs and the rest of the team chuckles. "Touché" is all she says. 

You follow the team as they make their way across the tower you realize the tower is destroyed. "And I thought I knew how to throw a party… Clearly not." Once you make it to the meeting room Captain Rogers walks in with Maria Hill. You learn a lot in the hour and a half that has passed. You excuse yourself and make a call. 

"Logan remember what I asked you to do earlier. If I'm going to make it through this I'm going to need them." You're interrupted by a familiar deep female voice. "What do you need to get through this Y/N?" Natasha asked bluntly. "It's not nice to eavesdrop… Okay, just don't judge it’s for the greater good, remember that." Nat gives you a flat look not even bothering to change her defensive stance. "Do you guys have a medical unit? I need something." You say whispering while looking around to make sure no one heard you. 

"Are you hurt, do you have a condition or something." You sigh knowing she's not going to drop it unless you tell her. "I'm going through withdrawal Nat." She laughs. "You expect me to believe you’re some kind of junkie." You stay quiet avoiding her gaze. "And you're not kidding. Y/N since when." She asks. 

"You don't want to know alright. Will you help me? I just need to stop the symptoms long enough to think." The desperation growing in your voice. Nat sighs "What do you need and how much?" You let out a deep breath and give her a thankful look. "Oxycodone… 3. Is that possible if not I need to call Logan?" She just nods and leaves you standing there in the hallway. Not long after she comes back and with something in hand. 

"Since when?" She asks again you can tell she's ordering you not asking you to tell her. You answer reluctantly. "I was ten alright." You extend your hand and take the pills from her, taking one before heading back into the meeting room leaving her in the hallway alone. She walks back in clearly shaken up by your revelation.

A couple of hours later you're in the Quinjet heading to South Africa. You catch nat looking at you from afar. "Stop doing that…" You say to her. "Looking at you?" She says you shake your head. "Stop feeling bad for me. I don't need it. Yes, it's fucked up, but it is what it is." You say getting slightly annoyed at the situation. “You know I can’t let you get off this plane in good conscience?” You scoff. “ With all due respect, you’ve known me for all of three minutes. You can’t make decisions for me Natasha.” She only sighs. 

“I know me, Nat… I’m okay as fucked up as it might sound. I just need it to function at the moment I’m not high or anything. Just let me help you all.” Nat gives you an angry look. “At what cost are you going to help us? How far will you take this ‘to help us.’” You didn’t mean to raise your voice but you did. “Well, I’m sorry to break this to you but if I DONT help there won’t be a price to pay!” That surprised her but she knew you were right. “For the greater good.” she says, and you nod. “For the Greater Good” you repeat more towards yourself than towards her. 

Once the Quinjet landed Tony lent you a suit and taught you some basic commands. “Just be careful Kid.” You can only nod your head. “What are we actually going to do with Ultron.” Tony sighs “For now we talk to him and try to stop him from getting the vibranium.” He’s about to walk out when he gives you one last look. “Don't engage in direct combat.” he says. You can’t help but laugh. “I grew up in the system and learned how to defend myself quite early on. But just in case I do die, bury me in the suit.” Tony tries to hold his laughter but can’t. “You're a funny kid thinking I’ll go to your funeral. Much less bury you in one of my suits.” You chuckle.

Hours later 

It was a complete shit show… It started off great and went in feeling great and hopeful even. You went with Nat and she insisted on staying near you… More like you following behind her like a lost puppy getting in a couple of shots when necessary. It was all going well until suddenly it wasn't. The Hulk was loose and Tony was after him. The Maximoff twins really did a number on us… You knew that they were going to be a hard obstacle but not like this. That crazy bitch quite literally sent you to your worst nightmare. It's not like you haven't seen it before, but this just felt more real. 

You're back on the Quinjet and everyone is on edge, you're heading god knows where… and to top it off you're quite literally shaking. You were so caught up in your thoughts that you didn't realize that Natasha had sat next to you until she put her hand on top of your shaking hands. “Are you okay Y/N?” you shake your head not really knowing how to process what just happened. “Are you okay, how did she do that?” Nat goes on to explain what actually made them what they were. Hydra… 

“I had heard rumors, whispers of Hydra, but I never thought anyone actually took them up on the offer.” Nat sighs “Desperate people do desperate things wouldn't you agree.” Clint interrupts you two announcing that you were landing soon. You're greeted by a very friendly looking woman, pregnant Laura Barton, a very sweet woman. Apparently no one on the team knew about her except nat. After the very awkward meeting we all just kind of went our separate ways. Bruce was off hating himself, Thor just kinda up and quite literally left, and Roger’s and Tony were just fighting outside. “Are you going to tell me or are you gonna make me find out the hard way.”

You simply lay back on the bed. “What do you want to know?” she sits “If it's actually true.” you laugh sourly. “What the fact that i'm a raging addict since the ripe age of ten. Yes, Natasha it's true.” all she can say is, “How?” You sit back up looking at her. “The how isn't important Nat… I was just a kid I didn't fucking know. All I knew was that when I stopped taking it I felt like complete shit.” You walk out the room before she could continue, not wanting to continue the conversation you go outside. 

Not long after you're all in the dinner room listening to Fury tell us about how we are at the end of the line, the last defense against ultron. Dr. Banner and I came to the conclusion that Ultron wanted to evolve to change into something better. Rogers, Nat, and Clint leave to find Dr.cho. While Tony, Bruce, and I hit the nexus. “Tony you will not believe what I just found… your old friend Jarvis.” He stops what he's doing and goes to your work space. “Old friend indeed he's been scrambling the nuclear codes all along.” Not long after Clint arrives with the cradle. 

Bruce is starting to explain how we should dismantle the android when I cut in. “What if we don't do that?” Bruce drops the tablet and looks at you. “What are you insinuating we do Y/N? Do you need a reminder of what this thing could do.” Tony cuts in. “Bruce, think about it we don't need utron for this to work.” Bruce just sighs “We’ve got Jarvis back.” you continue. “So you want me to help you to put Jarvis into this thing?” You laugh “No… no-no don't be silly we'll help you put Jarvis into that thing.”

Tony nudges you a smile forming on his face. “Great minds think alike don't they Y/N?” you can only nod in approval. You're almost done when Captain Rogers walks in. “I'm going to say this once…Shut It down” Tony cuts him off followed by Bruce. “You don't know what you're doing.” Rogers retaliates. “And you do? She's not in your head.” Wanda cuts in after Bruce mentions her. “I know you're angry…” She starts off and you cut her off. “Oh… We've passed that point believe me. This isn't about revenge or some vendetta, this is life or death. And like it or not this is our only way to fix this.”  

Suddenly all of the connections to the cradle are disconnected and an all out fight begins. Captain goes against Tony, Clint against Pietro. You on the other hand aren't interested in fighting if not preventing another green rampage. “Bruce calm down okay…” he stutters before speaking. “Y/N she deserved this what she did to me… what she made you see I heard your scream on the jet.” You grimace at his words. “Bruce let her go, we're not that, we are broken and damaged in a way many wouldn't understand. But we’re not this type of monster alright not you not me, and not the green guy… Let. Her. Go!”

As he begins to let her go, Thor flies in and shocks the cradle… bringing it to life or powering it up, not quite sure but it worked. He woke up...