#i need to be able to reduce my hours without being crippled by guilt over abandoning him

[bumblecrisp]

[book-dragon-etcetera]

Why Mantis and Loki should be a thing; fight me (please don’t I swear I’m nice).

What makes a good relationship subplot? Actually, scratch that – this is the MCU, we don’t go for mediocrity – what makes the best relationship subplots? It can vary, but my favourites, the ones that keep me digging and digging, coming back every time I think of a new angle (you’re in the fandom tags, you know what I’m talking about) always tie into the wider story. They feed character growth; allow new concepts to be explored; fit in with and in some cases represent the greater themes of a story.

In case you haven’t guessed, I’m going to be arguing that Loki and Mantis could be something along those lines. Something great. One of the best, most interesting relationships of modern screenwriting. I know, okay!! I know, it feels weird as anything – it’s taken me a while, too. But bear with me, and worst-case scenario, you’ll have a new take on a fascinating pair of characters.

Before I put the two together though, I feel like I need to do a little character study for Mantis. So far, she has had little to no clear development and without serious thought of your own, she seems entirely one-dimensional; two at best. In case you have not plugged hours and hours of thought into a character with barely ten minutes of screen-time, here are some of my thoughts, free of charge 😊. Incidentally, the interpretation I take to enhance my viewing experience (and add suitably crippling levels of angst :D ) ties her in perfectly with Loki’s story and character.

More Than Just a Bug: A Minor Study

What we know: Mantis has spent her whole life in servitude to Ego a massively powerful being, intent on taking over the universe, who sees all other life as inferior, insect-like (hence the name ‘Mantis’ – happenstance in the comics, derogatory in the films). Whether she has ever met anyone else is unclear, and until we actually see her talk about it, we’ll never know. Going by her comfort in talking to the Guardians, and also the fact that she anticipates the result of Ego’s meeting with Peter, I’m going to assume she has, but more specifically, that they were Ego’s other children.

Imagine this, if you will. Mantis, since her childhood, has been intermittently exposed to Ego’s offspring. They appear, are doted on for a few days, and then vanish as suddenly as they came. Not having been delayed by the Ravagers that collected them (as Peter was), they are all young children, with strong but changeable emotions. As such, they fit Ego’s narrative of universe full of mindless beasts, unthinking and impermanent. If Mantis were not an empath, able to feel their distress and confusion at the kidnapping, they would have no impact on her at all. As it is, they give her no epiphany, but rather a slow sense of unease that grows over time, as child after child is reduced to a pile of bones in a cave.

Her uncertainty must of course be hidden from Ego, who may be too narcissistic to imagine she could ever turn against him, but would certainly kill her if he saw her doubts, so she separates herself from the feeling. Her outer self remains uncomplicated and pliant, still attempting to please her adoptive father-figure, while her inner self languishes in steadily deepening turmoil. She dissociates to survive, until she almost believes it herself.

Now let’s try looking at her scene with Drax, where she touches his arm by the flower-filled lakes, through this new lens.

BEWARE. THIS SCENE WILL BECOME SIGNIFICANTLY MORE PAINFUL IF YOU ASSIMILATE THIS INTERPRETATION.

To recap: Mantis has spent her life in a state of slowly growing unease over the pain, suffering and subsequent deaths of Ego’s many children. Her only comfort has been his assurances that all other life is meaningless, and as such their suffering weightless. By Mantis’s own design, this inner struggle has been buried deep, totally inaccessible. Therefore, she goes into this scene entirely intending to allow Ego to kill the Guardians, and if Peter is successful, the universe.

Alright, here goes:

So, Mantis seems normal (normal??) for the first section. She reacts suitably when Drax calls her ugly, and then when he argues that it’s a good thing. When he mentions his lost daughter, she makes a joke (incidentally the sort of play-a-crooked-thing-straight joke that Loki might enjoy), but then Drax compares his daughter to Mantis, calling them both ‘innocent’, and she makes this face when he isn’t looking at her.

This is not a naïve look, and I don’t think it’s meant to be. The tiniest edge of that inner guilt, her natural empathy for the terrible fates of Ego’s children, is bleeding through against her will, brought to the surface by a father mourning the loss of his daughter. Wanting to understand, and partly in fear of what she might find there, she reaches for his arm.

When she feels his grief, she is physically affected, taking large gasps of air with glittering eyes. It’s easy to forget, but in some ways, Drax is the most emotionally developed of the Guardians. He had a wife, and daughter, and a home. He’s lived through what most of us would determine a normal life, and reached middle age. Quill, Gamora, Groot – they’re all younger than him, and therefore less emotionally developed. (I have no idea what age Rocket is, but at least by maturity he can certainly be added to the list.) This level of experience is where Drax’s moments of unexpected wisdom come from. He is a fully realised person with all the complexities and regrets that come with age, something Mantis has never felt in anyone except Ego. And he is mourning his daughter.

When she touches his arm, Mantis is feeling one of the worst losses, the deepest hurts that a person can ever experience, even dulled by years: the loss of a child. But for her, it’s even more than that. It’s personal. She realises in that moment that on the other end of every one of Ego’s children was someone like Drax, feeling what he felt. That they were still out there in the universe, mourning the sons and daughters that Mantis had met. It tilts her world on its axis, and we get a close-up to watch it:

This is her guilt, her worst fears validated. She can no longer use the ‘we’re just insects anyway’ justification to excuse the cavern of bones. Every tiny doubt she has ever had now has an explanation, and it means she has grown up complicit to atrocities she couldn’t even recognise. Upset, and guilty that he still believes her innocent, she turns immediately to Drax, knowing she can no longer stand by do nothing. They are interrupted by Gamora before Mantis can explain, so later that night, knowing she cannot bear being complicit yet again to murder, Mantis wakes Drax and betrays Ego, despite her fear and love for someone who has been (literally) her whole world.

Go watch the scene thinking about Mantis's guilt, I dare you. I did, and it hurt me.

By the end of GotG2, we have a Mantis still conditioned to serve the father she has now killed. His teachings have left her with crippling self-doubt, and a sense of personal inferiority that as of yet we have not seen her question, despite a truly incredible level of power (subduing first Ego – an actual planet – and then Thanos; I’ll go into her frightening Gamora later), and her own heroism. She is incapable of being righteously angry at Ego, because righteously implies right, something it does not occur to her that she might have. And she hides it all, because over the years she has built an unconscious self-defence mechanism which allows her to control people’s actions towards her by seeming harmless and sweet. The ultimate deflector of aggression.

What her motives and feelings might be now she has found her freedom, I also have some thoughts on, but that is a topic for another day (possibly a Loki including day, hmm?). I feel like it’s important to mention that, although this is a dark interpretation, that doesn’t mean I think Mantis is a dark character. There is inherent darkness in the horror of her past, but some of the best and brightest people in the world are people who have been to hell and back, and come back kinder for it. One day, when she has learnt some self-worth, and ditched the clothes that she wore as a slave to a monster, I think she could be one of the best, most impressive, and nuanced heroes we have ever seen.

[lostinthewiind]

Hiii I adore your fics! do you by any chance also write about floyd talbert? i feel like there's not a lot of fics out there about him. xx

Dear, sweet anon, I write about all the Band of Brothers boys. This is a song fic because I can’t get this song out of my head and it gave me such a cute idea. Hope you like it :)

Song: Patient - Charlie Puth 

Please Be Patient with Me

Returning from war was hard. For many of the men who kept in contact, the letters sent back and forth were filled with the stories of new, everyday challenges such as loud noises and sleeping in a bed that was just much too soft. Struggles ranged from small and minuscule to life-altering and crippling. 

Returning from war was hard, but for some, it was harder than others. You were among the few that was finding every new day to be a battle.

Your transition back into civilian life was a rather odd one. As soon as you returned from the front lines, you married the love of your life, whom you had met during the war, Floyd Talbert. For a month or so the two of you lived happily without many issues. You bought a home, you both got normal jobs, and you lived like a perfect, newly married couple. 

Then, one night, you woke up in a cold sweat after having a nightmare. You were screaming and crying and it took Floyd almost a full hour to convince you that you weren’t sitting in a cold, snow-covered foxhole in Bastogne. Almost every night since then you had had the same nightmare. It got so bad that you started sleeping in the spare bedroom, even though Floyd told you he didn’t mind and that you didn’t bother him. You could see it in his eyes every time you woke him up in a fit of tears though — the look of exhaustion and internal distress. 

It wasn’t just the nightmares. You also began struggling with everyday tasks. One morning, on your way to work, an engine backfired and the next thing you knew, you were huddled up on a street corner looking like a deranged meth-addict. You lost your job after a couple of weeks after that due to the fact that you kept zoning-out and reducing to tears by the incessant clacking of all the keyboard typing around you or the drop of a coffee mug in the break room.

You were a complete and utter mess, and just like you had predicted, it all eventually came crashing down on you at once.

All you were doing was making breakfast. Nothing too complicated, just cereal. You had woken up in a relatively good mood and, since you had no job to go to, decided to spend the morning on the porch in the sunlight and eat your food. 

You had opened a few of the house windows because of the pleasant morning breeze, but sadly, had forgotten to close all of the doors. When one of the open doors got caught in the draft and slammed shut, you froze on the spot. 

Your breathing immediately became heavy and you felt your pulse quicken. Your fingers tightened around the sides of the ceramic bowl in your hands and you squeezed your eyes shut, attempting to will yourself into a calmer state.

Then another door slammed.

Your hands flew over your ears and you collapsed right there on the kitchen floor. You drew your knees up to your chest and backed yourself up until your spine was pressing firmly into the lower cabinets. You felt the tears welling up in your eyes, which made you feel weak, consequently only making you more upset. 

For hours you sat there, shaking and crying on the floor. 

When you heard the front door open and close, you felt a small wave of relief wash over you, followed by guilt. Floyd was home, and even though you knew he would be able to calm you down, you hated that he had to calm you down.

What kind of man wanted to be married to a woman who became a puddle of fear at the simple slam of a door?

“Y/N!” Floyd called through the small house as he wandered around looking for you. When he finally sauntered into the kitchen and saw you sitting in front of him, he dropped down onto his knees beside you and pulled you into his arms without a second thought. 

“Oh, darling.” Floyd held you tight to his chest and rubbed soothing circles into your back. “What happened?”

You opened your mouth to answer, but all that came out was a pathetic sob. Burying your face into his neck, you let the cries escape you. A part of you was glad that you hadn’t been able to speak. You didn’t want Floyd to know how much of a mess you really were. A door? Really? You were shaking and crying over a door?

Floyd decided to stop pressing you for info for the time being. He knew that something had obviously startled you, and right then, that was all he needed to know. He was well aware that you were extremely self-conscious about your PTSD and always tried his best to play it off as something completely and utterly normal — which, considering what you had been through, it was. 

Without saying another word, Floyd held you, kissed you, rubbed you, and sat with you in his lap for hours. The sun had begun to set and the once tolerable breeze coming in through the open windows had turned frigid, but the thought of moving didn’t even cross his mind. 

Floyd was willing to sit with you for as long as it took for you to calm down, whether that be all night long or not.

Finally, after what seemed like days of sitting with your face buried into Floyd’s skin, you pulled back and wiped your tears away with your sleeve. Floyd watched you, his kind eyes full of patience and love.

“I’m sorry.” you choked out, your voice scratchy and broken. “I’m so sorry you had to come home after a long day at work to this…to me.”

Floyd’s heart shattered. “No, don’t say that.” he brushed a strand of hair behind your ear. “Don’t be sorry about something you can’t control. It’s not your fault at all.”

“You’re such a good, kind, patient, loving man…” you told him as you pressed your forehead to his and closed your eyes. “Every day I feel guilty for tricking you into marrying me…into marrying someone like me who can’t even make breakfast without breaking down into tears.”

“You didn’t trick me into marrying you.” Floyd pressed a kiss to your tear-soaked lips. “I knew exactly who I was marrying when I said ‘I do’ and never once have I regretted it.”

You scoffed. “Not even when I wake up screaming?”

“Not even then.”

“Not even when I cry on the floor like a child?”

“You’re not a child, but no, not even then.” Floyd intertwined his fingers with yours. “You’re not the only one who’s having a rough time. At the factory, when the delivery truck doors drop down, I jump. Sometimes I end up taking twenty minutes coffee breaks by accident because I’m in a trance and I’m replaying Smith sticking me with his bayonet over and over again. Sometimes when I come home I stand outside the door for a while just trying to work up the courage to come inside and accept that all of this is real. You’re not the only one, babe.”

A small smile spread across your lips. Not at his confession — because hearing the things he dealt with made you upset — but at the fact that you weren’t alone in this; whatever this was. “Really?” you asked.

“Really.” Floyd nodded. “Two days ago I got a letter from one of the guys and he said that whenever he falls asleep on the couch he wakes up thinking he’s on the plane into Normandy. We’re all a little broken baby. It doesn’t mean we’re any less worthy of a good, happy life.”

Leaning in, you kissed your husband and cupped his cheek with your hand. Never in all of your life had you felt so loved and accepted and you had no idea what you had done to deserve such an amazing man.

“It was the doors,” you confessed. “I opened the windows and the doors slammed shut. I got scared by the doors.”

Floyd placed a kiss onto your temple. “Guess I’m just gonna have to take all the doors off of the hinges then. I think it’ll look nice; really open the place up. What do you think?”

“I think I love you,” you chuckled.

“I love you too,” Floyd whispered. “Now, please, baby, will you come back to bed with me tonight and stop sleeping in the spare room? When I wake up and you’re not there I can never get back to sleep.”

Your eyes fell and you found yourself closely examining the buttons on his shirt. “What if I have the nightmare again?”

“Then I will hold you, kiss you, tell you how much I love you, and lie with you until we both fall back asleep in each other’s arms.” 

“Okay.” you nodded as you pushed yourself out of his lap and onto your feet again. 

“Okay.” Floyd smiled as he followed you, letting out a small shiver in the process as a cold wind blew through the house. “But first I’m going to close these damn windows.” 

“Wait, don’t.” you blurted out. Floyd eyed you quizzically and for a brief moment, you felt a feeling you hadn’t felt in a while course through you — maybe it was bravery? “Don’t close them. Leave them open. Let the doors slam. As long as I have you, I’ll be okay.”

A wide, toothy grin spread across Floyd’s face as he held his hand out to you. “Let them slam,” he repeated. “Let’s go to bed, baby.”

[lokibug]

Darkness

Pairing: Loki x Avenger!Reader

Summary: You have an power that is set off far more rapidly due to mood, you often reduce your feelings. Loki understands and helps you embrace your negative emotions.

Warning(s): Mental Health issues, Cursing, Angst

A/N: This isn’t the best organized story but sometimes we need to cry and this is a story about that. Ive also got a quote from somewhere that inspired me to write this. I’m not positive where from, though.

The ceiling. The ceiling is the first thing y/n spent staring at every morning for an hour. The composure was something she needed, to endure the rest of the day. Recently being able to do so had become more and more of challenge.

Just like any other day, she refreshened herself in the tower’s bathroom. However, she was in luck since she had the level all to herself. Typically Wanda would be in her chambers but she was on leave alongside Vision. They had taken up a small mission in Japan.

Today would be normal, quiet. Everyone would be to themselves and the day would be over just as quickly as it had started. Perhaps she would just take a walk around the park, see a movie alone. Avoid the others as much as she could without giving off the wrong impression.

Running a hand through her hair, she walked into the dining room. Suddenly all the voices that were speaking in hushed tones, silenced.

“Happy Birthday, y/n!” the team mates spoke in unison.

Y/N’s breath hitched in her throat as she glanced at the tower of iced and sprinkled waffles placed upon a silicone plate. Her eyes darted from the waffles to the nearby window and panic slightly spread through her body. Seeing the clouds pick up pace she took a deep breath and masked a smile. She couldn’t let her emotions get the best of her, her powers came with a horrid side effect. Weather change.

“Thank you guys,” she rubbed the back of her neck, “how’d you know?”

Folding the newspaper he was reading, Tony peeked behind his reading glasses, “Your file. Pepper did the honors of filing your birthday into the system last year when you joined the team.” He stood up and glanced at the waffles. “The tower of diabetes was the kid’s idea.”

Peter came into the dining room sliding with his socks upon his feet. “Aw! Did you guys surprise her without me?”

“If you had gotten up on time then you would’ve been here, kid.” Tony spoke after sipping on whatever was in his mug.

“Thank you Peter.” Y/N said after containing herself. She allowed a small smile as he embraced her gently. Along came birthday wishes from the rest of the team before they exited for their daily duties.

The one person y/n’s eyes searched for, was Loki. She met them when he was gently leaning against the marble counter. His eyes fixated on her as if he had been studying her since entered the dining room. Noticing her notice him, Loki lifted up the glass mug in her direction slightly without any words spoken. She delicately nodded as if to say, “Thank you for not making a huge deal of this nightmare of a day.”

Snapping her out of her thoughts, Thor placed a hand on her shoulder, “Congratulations on your day of birth lady y/n. Jane sends her best wishes.” A Congratulations wasn’t the term that should be used for such a day in her mind. It was...a mistake. Instead of indulging her new friend in her sorrows, she smirked and nodded.

“Thanks Thor, tell Jane thanks too.” He smirked and sat back down at the table.

Loki unfolded his arms from his chest and began walking forward. He met eyes with y/n and stared at her till he walked past her with the mug.

Loki and y/n shared an unspoken bond. They were both...different. They weren’t naturally gifted with being as honorable as their team mates. Both were once considered a villain of the public.

Y/N had been misguided while aging, raised by those with malicious intentions. This was only the path down the wrong road, that was until the avengers met her. Last minute, using her abilities for the greater good.

Now that she had a new found family, disappointing them was a crippling thought. Lately, the pressure was on. Any normal person suffering from these anxiety attacks could embrace them...feel them. Y/N on the other hand, anxiety was the first step in obliterating the streets with hectic winds and disaster.

In her eyes, being alone was a simpler task than interacting. Y/N glanced at the stack of waffles and sighed. There was a delicately iced spider right on top along with a little sun resembling her own power. She cradled the overly heavy plate and walked back towards her room and allowed the door to shut lightly behind her.

Loki glanced out the window of his bed room clenching the coffee mug in his pale hands. The skies were gray, typical for New York on a normal. However, the newscast had predicted otherwise as they were expecting sunny skies. Being the mischievous person he was, he snooped through y/n’s file upon her arrival. She was like him, a villain, in his right mind, he wouldn’t trust someone like this. Upon reading through her records, he discovered a few things about her. Ever since, analyzed and watched her in silence.

“Birthday blues?...” he mumbled while taking another sip.

Y/N glanced in the mirror as she popped two anti-depressant pills into her mouth. She barely recognized herself, if she thought she was furious with herself before...she was beyond a breaking point now.

“Y/F/N (friend’s name) you would’ve really enjoyed it here,” she sat upon her bed clutching the torn up teddy bear, “the coffee doesn’t taste like the shit we found outside Mc Donald’s.” Y/N’s transforming mission was also the one that cost her, her best friend. Survivors guilt was all that could describe her feelings. That, blaming herself for being brought into this world, not saving her...became a reaction to the mental battle she faced daily.

Memories roamed her mind and she gently closed her eyes in hopes of stopping them from racing. Sleep arrived, saving her from herself once more.

Hours later, Y/N stood in front of that haunting mirror image. Only this time it was decorated with an expensive dress and a mask of makeup. Instead of her bed room, it was the bathroom of the expensive venue Tony rented out for the evening. He had planned a birthday celebration with Pepper for y/n a month ago. Among the guests were her team mates, members of other teams, fellow company employees, along with their plus ones. Y/N had made her way to the bathroom for a simple breather. Mingling with people she hadn’t met before and being handed drinks she didn’t want to drink with food she didn’t want to eat, drained her.

As she exited the bathroom, she stood in the hallway staring at her phone. Her heels pressed into the fancy carpet as she bit her knuckle. An immense feeling of escape was bubbling and it was dancing with the fear of disappointing her friends.

“Alone when there’s such a...lovely? Party going on in your honor?” A voice spoke snapping her out of her trance.

Her face rose to meet the eyes of none other than Loki. She had to admit he did look amazing in a suit. “I um,” she smiled widely, “just about to head back.” Her face was pure lies and Loki knew it. It almost pained him to see it unfold before his own eyes when he knew the truth.

“Of course, after 30 minutes of standing in the lady’s room admiring yourself I’m guessing,” he sarcastically commented, “unlike the baboons I share a roof with, I notice my surroundings...all of the time.” He stepped closer to her. His eyes scanned her whole domineer, it baffled him how no other member took notice in her obvious suffering.

“What now? You going to go run and tell Tony how I hate this expensive and beautiful party he’s given me? Because if you are, it’s only going to cause more problems that I don’t need.” She slid her phone back into her purse.

Loki let out a soft chuckle, “The opposite actually. Come hither, we’re leaving.” He turned his back and began walking towards the exit in the hallway.

Y/N furrowed her eyebrows in confusion as to just what he meant. He glided with confidence that she’d follow, and she did. The shuffling of her dress made it known that she had. Soon they were outside and Loki had shifted from himself to Tony.

“W-what do you think you’re doing? What’s going on?” She said in a worried voice as she glanced around.

“Be quiet love, I’m taking you somewhere and I can’t let you ride on my back. Well...I can but that’s hardly appropriate.” He smirked and turned towards her.

Y/N groaned and rolled her eyes but remained silent. They approached the valet parking attendants and Loki cleared his voice, managing his best Tony impression. “Yes, can you fetch my car.”

The young man looked up quickly and said, “Oh Mr. Stark—why are you leaving so early?”

He looked towards y/n, “My dear friend here is a bit under the weather. I’m going to take her home. So please, my car.”

“Why yes of course sir, right away. Bring up Mr. Stark’s car.” He commanded another attendee.

Loki turned towards y/n and smirked. She crossed her arms and huffed beneath her breath, “You’re unbelievable. He’s going to find out and when he does, you’re not taking me down with you.”

Soon a shiny black Lamborghini was pulled in front of the two and y/n’s jaw nearly dropped. She was still not used to Tony’s luxurious living and this was astonishing.

Loki went to the car and opened her door for her as she entered. He got in through the other side.

“Thanks!” He shouted before driving off quickly.

Y/N gasped, “I don’t even have a seatbelt on, wait.”

Loki’s green magic shimmered over him as he transformed back into himself, “For someone who can take the power of a lightning bolt through her body, you’re quite jittery.”

Going full speed, he made his way through back streets all the way to a back highway.

“Shut up. Where are we going? This is technically grand theft auto.” She gripped her knee as she seen the moon slightly disappear behind dark clouds. Noticing this, Loki smirked to himself.

“Well would you rather me leave you at the party with people that don’t even know your name?” He shot back.

“Yeah because you know me so well.” She sarcastically spoke.

Loki gripped the wheel as he made his way around the road. Y/N couldn’t admit it, but it was a thrill. Being used to not feeling anything, this was a nice change. Though, her eyes were still fixated on the sky.

“I know you far better than you think.”

Her eyes glanced at the man driving and he peeked back at her through the corner of his eye. He pushed forward.

Twenty minutes passed when he pulled over to the side of the road. A landscape, a clear landscape of nothing but dirt and rocks. “Out.” He commanded.

She blinked a few times as she glanced around, “Where the hell are we? Loki, why did you bring me here?” She was becoming agitated as she seen him smirk.

The clouds began letting down small sprinkles of water. He walked towards the middle of the landscape and shouted over to her, “You’re living a lie.”

She remained quiet as she walked towards him, a small panic scorching her body as she felt the small droplets of water.

“I...I have to.” She was tired of lying. Loki standing here in front of her, confronting her...she didn’t feel the need to lie. She felt as if she were five inches tall.

“For what? For them? The public?” He spat out. In a way he was almost scolding himself.

“Why does it matter to you anyways?” She angrily spoke back as the rain moved faster.

“Y/N I watch you, every single day. You pretend to be someone you are not. Righteous. Pretending like you’re not angry at the universe for taking what’s yours.”

Her heart thumped as she grit her teeth together, “I asked why do you fucking care!”

He gripped her shoulders, “Because! You’re like me! You’re dying inside and it’s painful to watch! I’m here to teach you how to rid yourself of the burden you’ve carried so long, y/n.”

She looked up at him as her chest heaved and the rain began soaking their hair. “You won’t feel the same about me if I do..” she mumbled looking down. The attraction towards Loki wasn’t something she denied but how could she allow herself into someone’s life if she could barely endure her own?

Loki circled her and stood behind her, “Light is easy to love...show me your darkness.”

The rain dripped down her cheeks as if she were showering. Her fists clenched until her knuckles turned white. “I can’t...” She croaked out as tears fell.

“Yes you can y/n. Never deny your feelings...”

“I’ll hurt people, I-I don’t wanna do that anymore.” She turned to face him.

“There’s no one for miles, love. Let me show you.” He took her hand and faced the other side of the road. He took a deep breath before screaming as loud as he could into the raining night sky. Y/N watched him and her hand shook along with the rest of her body. He took a deep breathe, “You try.”

Y/N looked at him for reassurance and he nodded, “Ahhh!” She screamed out and thunder rumbled.

“Yes, keep going y/n. Do it again. Shout it, what troubles you.” He released her hand and stepped back.

She nodded and looked down, “I hate you! I hate being you! You let her die!” She sobbed as the rain hit down harder than before. Lightning sparked in the clouds. “You’ll never be what they want you to be! I’ll never be that! I’m here! I exist!” She screamed out while her arms extended. Loki watched cautiously as her body shook and he held an arm over his head to stop the rain from hitting his eyes.

“I-I’m here! I made it!” Right as she shouted a bolt of lightning struck down in front of her causing her to fall to the ground and dig her hands into the muddy floor. Her shoulders shook and immediately Loki went over to her and collected her into his embrace.

“I exist..” she mumbled into his shoulder as she cried.

“I know y/n...and you’ll keep living...” he rubbed the back of her soaked head.

She gripped onto his suit tightly embracing him. The negative feelings being released and a weight off her shoulders, “Thank you...thank you so much.” She said into his neck. “You have no idea...h-how long I’ve been waiting..”

“...Happy Birthday y/n...”

Loki taglist: @drakesfiance @sunflqweroses @bambamwolf87 @pandaqua @bonelessbarnes @dorkybryan @hunter-demigod-timelord @thatmemequeen @powerstrangerdacre @barnes-infinity-bucky @kcd15 @evanicoya @yuukiiiiasuna @lou-makes-me-strong @gabealien12 @vethrvolnir @noahlizzz @archy3001

Permanent Taglist: @libbymouse @keithseabrook27 @maladaptive-ninja-returns @nephalem67 @tina8009 @marvelismylifffe @gwendolyn-loves-gay