#i need them i need them i need them

[artdcnaldson]

hehe i’m here with stepbro!patrick my beloved

patrick books his flight immediately after talking to you, maybe even while he’s talking to you, but he doesn’t tell you. no, you find out patrick is visiting when you come back to your dorm after a grueling day of classes and find him sitting outside your door with a duffel and a bag from your favorite fast food place. his clothes are rumpled and it’s clear he hasn’t slept in at least a day, but his eyes light up when he sees you approaching in the hallway and he scrambles to his feet. the two of you collide in a hug so hard it almost knocks the wind out of you - he’s picking you up and spinning you around and for fucking once in the past few months everything feels okay again. he apologizes that your food has probably gotten cold, but he didn’t know when your class would be over. you usher him inside and it’s easy. it’s fun. you catch up, you eat, you laugh, you try not to remember how much you love each other.

that is, until you end up at some sorority party you promised your friends you would go to weeks ago. patrick comes with you, naturally, and again, it’s so easy to talk to him, be with him. the two of you flow together like nothing happened. in this dimly lit sorority house, you could almost live in a world where that’s true. you sip your horribly sweet jungle juice and watch patrick go shot for shot with some football player. you team up in beer pong and crush two frat guys who talked big enough game to bet money on it. by the end of the night you’re sufficiently drunk, but steadily sobering and patrick is absolutely sloshed. he’s stumbling and slurring his words as you two make the trek back to your dorm, his arm hung lazily across your shoulders so you can prop him up. he’s been looking for excuses to stay physically close to you all night and this is no different.

you haul a still very drunk patrick into your dorm and silently acknowledge that you have never been more thankful to have a single room. he’s giggling and looking at all the decorations on your walls, mostly photos you’d taken on a little digital camera you got for your birthday two years ago. he stops at one and points at it, looking back at you.

“‘s that from - hic - when we built that fort? with the blankets?” he asks, his eyes softening. it’s a photo of him sleeping, shirtless, in a pile of bright pink pillows under a canopy of pink blankets. the two of you had been hiding in the wine cellar during some stuffy gala your parents put on when you had the bright idea to steal a bottle of wine (or two, or three) and make a pillow fort in your room. you smile fondly at the memory and nod your head. right after you’d taken that photo, you settled next to him and he wrapped himself around you like a koala. it’s one of many photos of patrick scattered across your walls, you try not to think about how embarrassing that is.

that memory is the beginning of the end of your perfect little night. patrick looks at you, really looks, and slowly moves closer. you freeze in place, like if you make any sudden movements you’ll spook him and he won’t do what you’re desperately hoping he’s about to. before he can stop them, words spill out of his mouth. he tells you he doesn’t believe that you forgot about the voicemail you left him, that he hates himself for how much he missed you when he was ignoring you, that he needs you in his life so badly it scares him. he’s still talking as you coax him into your bed, under your pink frilly covers. every thought he’s ever had about you seems to be set free and said to the open air of your dorm room. he’s so emotional, so sappy and adorable about it, you barely know what to do with yourself. you kneel down beside your bed, so you and patrick are eye level, and run a hand through his hair.

he looks at you and for a split second his eyes flit down to your lips, then back up to your eyes. it’s you who takes the leap. you who leans forward and presses your lips against his. he returns it and for another moment you think it’s really happening, it’s finally fucking happening, he’s giving you permission - then he rips himself away, kicks off your blankets, and scrambles to his feet again like he had only 12 hours ago in front of your door. how different his face looked then and now.

“you should have stopped me. we can’t, i can’t. i can’t fucking do this with you. it’s wrong.” he’s panicking. he shouldn’t be here, he shouldn’t be doing this, his heart is screaming at him to take it all back and get as close to you as possible but he forces distance. you try to argue with him, shoot back with anything you can to convince him to stop gathering all his shit like he’s going to bolt out your door any second. he stands with his hand on your doorknob and he hits you with one last blow.

“you should find someone who can actually love you.”

and all at once you’re alone again.

AUAUAUARRAGAGGAGHHHHN!!!!!!

Sappy love struck Patrick :(((

He’s so happy when he gets to Stanford and things feel normal, like you could move forward, like he can let things be good again.

He tries to push down his feelings at the party, to drown it in shots and beer and shove it down down down so he doesn’t do anything stupid. And maybe he should have thought about how drinking always makes him keen to act on every single idiotic idea he has.

Because you look so fucking good across the room, smiling and laughing with your school friends. You’ve got glitter in your hair, on your face and it catches the light so nicely. Pretty lipgloss he knows tastes like marshmallow. He wants to share a cigarette with you, so he can taste it like a kiss.

He doesn’t know why he won’t let himself have you. He knows, it would fuck over everyone else— his dad, your mom. It would taint his older siblings too, like there was a sickness in the family, a rot festering in the home. It would taint you— brand you with a huge fucking scarlet letter (he only half read the book, Art summarized it and he’s pretty sure he got the gist). He didn’t give a shit about hurting his dad, but doing something to hurt you you was unforgivable.

But of course, you want him. It makes it worse. So he drinks more. A second, a third cup of jungle juice. It tastes so sweet, he bets your tongue would taste the same.

By the time you’ve dragged him back to your dorm, he’s really feeling the full effects of the near gallons he’s had to drink. Stumbling and slurring his words as you ease him through the door to your single.

“Your dorm’s cute,” he slurs, then trips over the fluffy rug on the floor. “Can I smoke?”

“The windows don’t open, so no,” you say. He lost his pack at the party anyway, so the question is honestly pointless. He shucks off his shirt, tosses it at your desk, and collapses on top of your bed.

He looks at your wall, at the pictures hanging from flower-shaped thumbtacks. Some were your friends from Home-Home, before you moved in with the Zweig’s— friends and your childhood home and childhood pets. There were newer ones, of new friends, of you and Art after one of his matches, of the weekend trip when you and some friends went to the beach. But mostly, they’re of Patrick. You and Patrick, Patrick in his shitty myspace and facebook pictures… postcards he’d managed to send from overseas, postmarked a million times over. When he turns his head on the pillow, he sees you and him, in that stupid pillow fort when a transformer blew and the house lost power for two days.

"I'm sorry I ignored you," he says, and it feels like his tongue is too big in his mouth. "I didn't want to. I wanted... wanted to fly back here and fuckin' quit everything to just..."

"I know," you reply.

"I heard you fucking Art."

"What?"

"Couldn't even think about you or I'd get so fuckin' hard. Jerked off about it with him for, like, two hours."

"With Art?"

But he doesn't answer that. He just rambles on. "Think I love you, or I'm in love. That's so... it's scary. What the fuck am I s'posed to do with that?"

You freeze, kneel by his (your) bedside, all of the questions floating soft out of your mind. "Love me?"

His breath smells like a liquor store, his clothes smell like cigarettes and sweat. You want to curl into him and just stay there. "Yeah," he says. He's not looking in your eyes anymore. "Want to crawl inside your bed and stay here forever. Wanna kiss you like a— a boyfriend."

So you kiss him. Press your lips to his, soft and timid. His lips are slightly chapped, but soft. And right. Your hand moves to the back of his head, gentle, sweet. It's all right. It's what you've needed to do. He sighs against your mouth, like it's a relief, but it lasts only a few seconds before he pulls back.

It's like being doused in ice water, the way he looks at you. Like he's disgusted. "We shouldn't have... you shouldn't have fucking let me—"

"I did it," you say quickly, tugging on his arm. "I want it, it's not... we can."

He shakes his head and jumps to his feet, scrambling to find his shirt while you follow behind like a lost baby duck. "God, we really can't," he says firmly. "It's... it's fucking gross. We're fucked up. We can't."

"Patrick—"

"I shouldn't have come home."

You watch him leave with a painful ache in your gut.

[raggedy-spaceman]

When will AO3 return from war...

[acescorazon]

*casually drops two updates in one day*

Title: Changes

Chapter: 6/?

Rating: M

Word count: 2063

Warnings: Explicit language, Depressed clown :( ((Buggy's still in that mindset where he thinks he's going to die at any moment and bounces back and forth between not caring and being overly anxious.))

Chapter excerpt:

Mihawk pauses for a moment, and perhaps he’s gathering the right words to say before he speaks again, “And I am man enough to admit my wrongdoings.” Buggy doesn’t get where anything is going, he’s so confused by the sudden change in Hawkeye’s attitude. Is this a weird dream? Is he actually still stuck in that same repetitive loop, just dreaming that Mihawk had a change of heart? Why is Mihawk being so..weird…? Who is this guy? This isn’t the Hawkeye Buggy knows. “Buggy.” He calls out, and Buggy jumps slightly in his seat. He has a strong urge to run out of the room right now. He doesn’t like this. This is so weird… “I apologize. I’ve treated you very horribly in the past, but I hope that you can forgive me for everything and we can have a more positive relationship in the future.”

Forgive him? 

|Ch1|Ch2|Ch3|Ch4|Ch5|

Why, just why? Buggy thinks. He doesn’t want to see them. He doesn’t want to do this. They’re just going to get mad at him and beat him, and… and Buggy just wants to stay in his room. They don’t need him, he messes everything up, and they hate him for it.

They’re going to hurt him again. 

No, no, no. He doesn’t want to go to that stupid meeting. Yet… Buggy detests the idea of either man coming into his room and invading the one place that’s been almost like a safe haven away from them. They’ll come in, criticize everything inside his room, and fill the place with horrible memories. He doesn’t want to walk into his bedroom and instantly think, ‘Wow, that’s the spot where they beat me senseless.’ every time he enters it. He wants to keep them far away from his personal space; it’s bad enough that they already occupy his mind every waking moment. 

Buggy isn’t properly dressed, he’s still in his pajamas, actually, but he quickly gets out of bed, afraid that if he doesn’t go to the meeting room, and now, that Mihawk and Crocodile will come bursting into his room. 

Look, it’s fine. It’s fine. He’ll just go to the stupid meeting and get things over with as quick as possible, maybe he’ll pretend that he’s still really, really ‘sick’, and then he’ll go back to his room and enjoy a few more days of peace. No more, no less, no angering Crocodile and Mihawk over something stupid and then getting his ass kicked. 

He’s okay. 

A few of his men notice his strange attire choice as Buggy rushes to the meeting room for his emergency meeting; and maybe it is a little strange seeing your boss in pink pajamas with little hearts on them, but, who cares about all that right now?! He wants to just get this over with. Hopefully, Mihawk won’t still be mad about the other night when Buggy…

When Buggy got really drunk and then ripped him a new one. He’s been dreading seeing Mihawk for that very reason… Buggy wasn’t in the right state of mind that night, he was sad and anxious, and he just let loose, and…Surely if Mihawk was going to kill him for drunkenly insulting him, he would have by now…but what if he’s just been waiting to slaughter him?

Oh, man, it’s going to be okay.

He’s going to be okay. 

Buggy’s heart is pounding faster and faster in his chest with every little step he takes, and he almost feels like…

It’s weird, really. He’s in his body, but he almost feels like someone else is controlling him, and like he’s just watching everything happening around him, but it’s okay, it’s beyond okay. He’s going to have that meeting, and he’s going to make it out alive. 

As he approaches the meeting room, he can hear loud, somewhat muffled, yelling already, and he freezes. Oh, man. They’re already mad at him. As soon as he steps foot into that room, they’re going to clobber him. He didn’t do anything wrong this time. He didn’t, he didn’t, he didn-  

“I told you i ain’t fucking doing that!”

“Then I’m done.”

“Leave then! I don’t care anymore!” 

Buggy hears their words, but he can’t understand or process them. He doesn’t want to go in. He doesn’t want to end up hurt again. He wants to turn around and go back to his room, and– 

Whatever.

Buggy decides to rip the bandage off, and quickly. He holds his breath and enters the meeting room, and as soon as he does, Mihawk and Crocodile turn to him and pause their argument, staring at Buggy, speechlessly. He’s fine. He’s fine, he knows that he came to a meeting in his pajamas, but it’s not like he’d get beaten up for something like that…would he? He’s fine, he’s fine. 

Neither of them mentions his attire right away, so that’s a good start…right? 

Mihawk is the first to speak after Buggy enters the meeting room, “Oh, so you decided to come after all…How are you?” How is he? How is he?! He’s scared to death! How else would he be at this very moment?! Mihawk basically forced him to come to this meeting, and knowing him, he’s probably going to yell at him. They’re both going to yell at him probably, and then, and then….

“I’m…doing better…still feeling a little unwell…” Buggy says, voice small and shaky. He keeps his eyes glued down to the ground, terrified of making eye contact with the other man at the moment. He quietly takes his seat at his normal spot at the meeting table, hoping that there aren’t objections to at least that, and waits for Mihawk and Crocodile to begin things. 

There’s something foreign and strangely soft about Mihawk’s voice as he has a seat right across from Buggy at the table,  “That’s rather unfortunate, isn’t it? We hope you feel better soon.” We? As in both of them? …What the hell…? There’s no reason to be nice… There’s no reason to lie...There's no reason to do all this... “I’ll get straight to the point: We’re never going to be successful if we continue to act this way towards each other.” 

…What?

“If Cross Guild is going to be successful, we need to treat each other with respect, and I mean that. I believe that we need to start fresh, and move on from everything that’s happened in the past.”

...What???

Buggy briefly glances up, accidentally making eye contact with Mihawk, before quickly averting his gaze back down to the table. Why is he saying this all of a sudden? Surely he doesn’t care that much about them having a good relationship, if he did he would have been nice from the start or would have actually accepted one of Buggy’s many previous offers to have a cordial relationship with each other, but he didn’t.  Mihawk’s never once seemed interested in treating Buggy with ‘respect’, so what’s different all of a sudden?  

Mihawk pauses for a moment, and perhaps he’s gathering the right words to say before he speaks again, “And I am man enough to admit my wrongdoings.” Buggy doesn’t get where any of this is going, he’s so confused by the sudden change in Hawkeye’s attitude. Is this a weird dream? Is he actually still stuck in that same repetitive loop, just dreaming that Mihawk had a change of heart? Why is Mihawk being so..weird…? Who is this guy? This isn’t the Hawkeye Buggy knows. “Buggy.” He calls out, and Buggy jumps slightly in his seat. He has a strong urge to run out of the room right now. He doesn’t like this. This is so weird… “I apologize. I’ve treated you very horribly in the past, but I hope that you can forgive me for everything and we can have a more positive relationship in the future.”

Forgive him?!

What a load of Bullshit! Just when he thought that Mihawk couldn’t get worse… Does he actually think that Buggy can forgive him and just forget everything he’s done just because he gave him a simple little apology? He’s beaten him, he’s degraded him, he’s humiliated him, he’s… he’s threatened Buggy’s life! And he thinks an apology is going to make up for it?! He expects Buggy to happily accept his apology and pretend nothing happened when…when he’s hurt Buggy so badly! No, screw that! Why should he ever forgive Mihawk even if he apologizes to him hundreds or thousands of times?

Buggy doesn’t want this. He doesn’t need this. What he wants is for Mihawk (and Crocodile) to just leave the island before they can cause any (more) harm to Buggy and his crew! Screw his apology! He doesn’t realize it at first, but he ends up glaring at Mihawk, angry and in disbelief that Mihawk thinks this will all go away with an apology, but he does eventually realize what he’s doing and it’s all thanks to Crocodile:

“What’s with that look, clown?” Crocodile scoffs, and as soon as those very words leave his mouth, Buggy quickly looks back down at the table, hoping that he’s not about to start a fight for something he didn’t even realize he was doing. “Are you too good to accept his apology?” …it’s not even that! How can Crocodile be so much of a jerk that he… that he can’t even see why Buggy’s hesitant to accept Mihawk’s apology?! Oh, that’s right, he’s probably never gone through what Buggy’s gone through before, and plus, Crocodile’s cruel and evil, and he doesn’t have any sense of empathy or humanity! How could Buggy forget? 

“Crocodile, if he doesn’t want to accept my apology, then I understand.” Mihawk sighs, “I understand that I’ve hurt you severely and how you might be hesitant to accept my apology or even believe it’s genuine. It’s my own fault, really… But I truly want all of us to get along better from now on, even if it’ll take some time.” 

Buggy still can’t believe any of this is happening… He doesn’t want to get along with Crocodile and Mihawk now after everything that’s happened between them, it’s far too late. He tried to offer his friendship ages ago, but they never wanted it…why should he try to be their friend now? They’re horrible people! “I want to suggest that the three of us have a nice dinner to discuss the future of Cross Guild as well as try to get to know each other better,” Mihawk states, and there’s a moment of silence after Mihawk makes his suggestion, but Crocodile and Buggy’s reaction soon afterward is…predictable.

“Nah, I'll pass.” Crocodile sneers, while Buggy just looks up in shock and confusion. What the fuck, man? No. Why would Buggy ever want to… He didn’t even want to come to this meeting, why would he want to have dinner with Mihawk and Crocodile?! Buggy hasn’t even accepted Mihawk’s apology, does he think he did? Does it even matter if Buggy accepts his apology or not? Does he think they’re all just buddies now? Does he really think that they can just forget about all the times he and Crocodile beat the shit out of Buggy?! Because they can’t! “I feel… really sick… I don’t think I can come.” Buggy lies, but then again, it really isn’t much of a lie because he’s fucking sick to his stomach right now. 

What is Mihawk even on right now?! 

“That’s also fine.” Mihawk nods, “But the offer remains on the table if both or either of you change your minds. Now, Crocodile, do you have something you’d like to say to Buggy?” 

No way. Buggy gets the feeling he knows where Mihawk is trying to guide the conversation, and there’s no way Crocodile would actually apologize to Buggy. Crocodile probably hates Buggy a hundred times more than Mihawk does and he’s made that fact abundantly clear several times already. “I ain’t got nothing to say to him.” Crocodile replies a moment later, and that’s the exact reaction Buggy thought he’d have, but… But at least he’s not being weird and suddenly trying to be all nice and crap, at least he’s still being consistent. 

Mihawk exhales a sigh, getting up from his seat, “Then, I have no more to say to either of you, have a good day.” What? What was the point in all that? Buggy stays seated in his chair as Mihawk makes his exit, secretly peeking over at Crocodile and trying to gauge his reaction. They both think this is weird, right? Buggy’s not the only one confused by this all, right? 

Crocodile’s expression is almost unreadable, but Buggy doesn’t think he’s too happy at the moment. He sits in his seat as well, uncharacteristically quiet and almost…calm? No, that’s not the word for it. He’s not calm, he definitely doesn’t seem calm, he actually seems like he’s quietly seething as he stares in Buggy’s direction. His aura is much more intimidating than usual, and Buggy can just barely make out the sight of Crocodile clutching his fist tightly. “I don’t think we’ll be having any more meetings for a while, clown,” He announces, and there’s a terrifying combination of coldness and hatred in his voice. “In fact, it might just be you and me in Cross Guild from now on.”

What?

((A/N: All i needed to see was the flyer in the anime. That's all i needed and now i'm acting GOOFY.))

[oopsallvamp1rebees]

guys please do Avrille and maroon have a ship name I must know because ever since I heard they were supposed to be together at some point I haven’t stopped thing about them please I will share more thoughts about them if I get this information

[vvalllerie]

help me

[hauntinglyfresh]

HE'S DRIPPED OUT WITH THE BUSINESS ANIMAL GOOD FOR HIM

[amogusfetichist]

I am so normal about these hoodies

[catlaila]

justice for kabru. they put my man in the wrong genre. bro was meant to be playing psychological games with light yagami and instead he’s playing yaoi mind tennis with a blonde himbo

[renardiererin]

RIN AND TORU, RINTAROU AND SATORU, SUNA AND GOJO AAAAAAAAAA

your fav sending you post workout pics all sweaty and shirtless with a towel around his shoulders and a bottle in his free hand. his shorts sit low on his hips, revealing his v line and strong thighs. just for you. and his abs…… his toned muscles….. his forearms! the way he’s holding his phone, it looks so small compared to his hand. you can’t see his face, but you just know he’s waiting for your reaction.

[stimmingandstruggling]

more good news from tiktok: they’ve started blocking celebrities.

they’re calling it block party 2024. just blocking and ignoring countless celebrities who havent said shit about palestine. influencers, actors, anyone who went to the met gala, whatever, they’re getting blocked. and people keep talking about how cathartic it is, how good it feels, how they never realized they could DO that. there was some kind of subconscious law against blocking famous people, but it’s broken, and people are LOVING it. and it’s WORKING. a social media/digital advertising coordinator was talking about how ad companies are PANICKING, because they can’t accurately target anymore. so many big influencers, including fucking LIZZO started talking about palestine the MOMENT their follower counts started going down. and the best part? no one is forgiving them. lizzo posted a tiktok asking people to donate to palestinian families, and all the comments just said you’re a multimillionaire. put your money where your mouth is. blocked.

i feel like i’m witnessing the downfall of celebrity culture, right here right now. people are waking up.

[imperatoralicia]

I get a lot of entertainment thinking about how containers are used in video games sometimes.

[phantom-shell]

Fiddleford found one of his old shirts

[thesociallyanxioussociopath]

Something something, living rent free in my mind and such, anyway I love them.

[lgbtlunaverse]

The world exists in such a baffling state of simultaneous sex-aversion and sex-hegemony. Every social platform on the internet is trying to banish sex workers to the shadow realm but I can't post a tweet without at least two bots replying P U S S Y I N B I O. People are self-censoring sex to seggs and $3× but every other ad you see is still filled with half-naked women. Rightwingers want queer people arrested for so much as existing in the same postal code as a child and are also drumming up a moral panic about how teenage boys aren't getting laid enough. I feel like I'm losing my mind.

[theygender]

You know I'm gonna be honest. I don't think all these apps really need access to my precise location

[sannuiz]

POV : you're about to get served the most bomb food to ever exist possibly