#i need my therapy or ill commit war crimes

[eponastory]

Tomorrow we will wake up and this will all be a bad dream.... right?

Right?

Right?!

[lansplaining]

You know, in modern aus I feel like JGY gets done dirty a lot.

Like, this man is hardworking. Say whatever you’d like about anything else; not even the worst of takes try to claim that he’s anything less than dedicated and talented. In canon, this comes to nothing because the system is. The system is VERY not good, like, even more not good than usual.

But JGY is hard-working and very good at PR (look at those children! playing as the Noble War Hero Lianfang-zun! everyone saying ‘god i hope we don’t lose this guy for that brat teenager’ which is not the highest bar I admit but still works for my point!) it’s just that no matter how good he is at PR, his image is stained and destroyed by the default. He has to work against that shit.

He’d probably still have to work against it in a modern AU but also, like, his father isn’t the only possible source of an actual powerbase. His father isn’t his only way to power (and more importantly: safety), here! That alone does a fuck-ton, even if I’m halfway sure he would still end up trying for fatherly approval. But even just that lack of being permanently and irrevocably stuck on a ride that fucking hates you would do wonders for him.

He’d probably still end up as a scandal but there’s a difference between Modern AU magazines constantly airing out your personal life and people refusing to touch you because they believe you’re inherently tainted. Like, people will be assholes, but there is a real possibility of power all on his own merits, and I don’t think I can buy any version of Jiggy who would not desperately wish to have that. He wants to be RESPECTED! He wants to be SAFE! He wants to RUN A BUSINESS and by god, he is good at doing it.

Just. If NMJ can be less rage-poisoned, can JGY not get to be…you know. Valued a little more. You could scrap up replacement for magic murder via the switching of meds for a chronically ill man, after having erased all the original reasons why Jiggy did that murder in the first place, but you could also just simply NOT do that. If NMJ is not actively deteriorating due to rage disease then why is JGY the exact same way or pure cackling evil??? You do not think (comparatively) more equitable set-ups would…have an effect on him as a human being. You do not think that a society in which bureaucracy is a more valued skill than the ability to swing a sword around would have an effect on him?? YOU THINK A WORLD WHERE STARTING A BUSINESS IS A THING PEOPLE FREQUENTLY AND SUCCESSFULLY DO, WOULD HAVE ZERO EFFECT????

TL;DR — JGY should not be JGS’s cronie in Modern AUs, not if NMJ is out here with no degenerative evil disease, personally cuddling the souls of sick baby bunny rabbits back to life. He should be a middle manager struggling his way up at worst. Ideally, he should be a rival business to his father’s, about to crush him beneath his heel, and carry LXC off into the sunset.

YEAH MAN THIS DRIVES ME NUTS

why does modern AU NMJ always apparently get access to therapy to become a well-adjusted nice guy, but JGY's out here scheming and sometimes still literally murdering people

whatever crimes JGY actively commits need to not be that far outside the scope of what everyone else in his society is doing. literally everyone in the jianghu kills people-- that's the point. if JGY's doing actual murders, then everyone else had better be members of the mafia or FIFA executives or something

[wokestraightpuffy]

Hallo, i hope you are alright and that my ask aren’t annoying but I wanted to ask do you have any c!puffy headcannons? —🤡

YOURE NOT ANNOYING AT ALL !!! NEVER THINK THAT ILU VERY MUCH. MUAH /p

as for c!puffy headcanons, i am not the best person to ever organize their thoughts properly but ill try my best >:’D

ahaha. this got. super complex and way too long and more of like an introspective study to puffy now instead of harmless fun headcanons so, uh. under read more <3 (also reminder this is all /rp and /dsmp)

* i like to think that she has a hero complex, but its a bit different since she never really sees herself as an ‘important’ part of the story, not the main character but a support one, hence ‘im fine with being the side character’ or how she’s said she doesnt care what happens to her and would gladly sacrifice(?) herself if there werent other people she had to protect. girl u need therapy urself <3

* though very open with how she feels and never afraid to say when someone/something is upsetting her, ���opening up’ is still a whole mountain climb for her, apparently. like, she’d rant about the egg, get mad at the eggpire, let off some steam by committing arson or exploding stuff, she’ll rarely ever talk about how much the stuff that upset her actually HURT her. does that make sense? LIKE, she’ll lash out, she’ll get mad, she’ll take NO SHIT thrown at her face, but to show the kinda vulnerability of dealing with that? to cry about it talk about those feelings with someone? I think she’d rather eat her own foot lol

* adding onto the thing above, she doesnt necessarily actually realize this about herself. less of actively doing it and rather growing... used to the ‘cycle of violence’ in the smp as they call it. and the fact that rarely have people really asked, that no one’s actually available for that, w her losing her closest friends, bad and ant, sam being busy w the warden stuff... and niki. yeah. there’s foolish, but i doubt she’d ever see venting to someone she considers her son appealing

* also. puffy is just sometimes... really bad at conveying sadness. i think she’s a rare crier. id go as far to say that shes even more emotionally constipated than dream, lol (but maybe not while the guy’s in his prison arc) and that she’d be the type of person to tell you its okay to cry but beat herself up over something if she let a tear slip in a heated moment

* speaking of sadness. she’ll only ever actually Be Sad if she’s alone or with someone she doesnt necessarily care the opinions of. yknow how she mourned for tommy and blamed herself? those dialogue bits? yeah, those are only times shed actually be vulnerable

* puffy’s go to response to the egg and how its fucked up her relationship w her friends is pure fury. but, going off of her line about ‘failing bad and ant’ i like to think that she probably hates herself the most about it. THAT IS A STRONG WORD LOL BUT YEAH. she yells and curses and gets mad, but sometimes i wonder if the words she had spat before were more directed to herself

* THIS GIRL HAS SELF-IDENTITY PROBLEMS. CAN WE GET A HELL YEAH FOR THAT CHAT? outside of having no goddamn clue about where she came from, how she got here and who she even is, scrounging up a role for herself in a server with a war on the background and traumatized kids got her resignedly coerced into thinking that she is only a Parent. Only good enough when she’s actually doing something Useful for people. SO. when she finds that ship? of having a crew and having a curse? OF FINDING OUT SHE MIGHT HAVE/ HAVE HAD A MOM THATS WAITING FOR HER?  the sense of control she has on herself is absolutely crushed. shattered, and she’s left to pick up the pieces w no one to talk abt it with <3

* adding onto the above, it’s why the line ‘I’m supposed to be mama puffy. me.’ hurts me so much! so yes! please cry with me :D

* also to add more on the fact that she thinks she’s only worth something when she’s being useful, puffy literally contemplated leaving the server, thinking that it wouldnt matter leaving since no one really needs her anyway, since she’s failed so many people. bad and ant, tommy, dream. shes said how foolish can take care of himself on how tubbo and ranboo have each other, how she and niki have drifted so far away from each that it might as well be a break up.

HOOOOOOOOOO OBOY . anon youve really given me the perfect chance to ramble huh? sorry for the rather incomprehensible brainrot, here’s more lighthearted headcanons about puffy asdhfkd

* she cannot stand still sometimes. she always has to be doing something extra, walking when the prime path is right there? shed rather go through tedious little holes or hop and balance onto fences to get where shes going. she’ll mindlessly fix up the path when there are holes or mismatched wood, and one time went on a long, long LONG journey cleaning up the paths tommy purposely DESTROYED near lmanburg and even added cobblestone sidings which werent there before

* puffys a bit of a sentimental person. writing in her log to clear her thoughts sometimes and cared enough to try and preserve lmanburg with the glass sheet and trying to find possible surviving artifacts of history to respect it, even though she’s never been a part of it. its also why, when doomsday happened and lmanburg got permanently poofed, she began to appreciate the buildings that are still standing and began taking more pics 

* she’s not used to being... what do you call it, um, cared for? she’d deflect compliments sometimes, when shes having a particular bad day, like, she’d laugh nervously and change the subject, sometimes she’d outright deny it, most days she’d jokingly say ‘staphhh it’ and add a very genuine thanks. my point being is, do something for puffy that is mildly nice and she’d keep that moment in her heart forever. 

* also funny story regarding the above. u know how karl is notorious for stealing her materials? and how puffy was contemplating doing something in retaliation for them? karl says hi for once when she joins the server and she goes ‘alright fine youre safe for saying hi’ LOL THIS WAS PROBABLY A BIT META WISE but something about this implying that the bare minimum or LESS is enough to make puffy forgive someone is very sad and funny at the same time for me. girl really said ‘oh you said hi to me? thats nice all the crimes youve ever done towards me is now forgiven. <3’ (this is a bit of an exaggeration on my part, ofc, i just think its funny LMAO) 

* ironically, despite being the ‘captain’, whenever riding a boat with someone, she prefers being on the backseat and letting them drive. ig shes just there for the ride i suppose, her and her uber drivers :3

 * she either has a rather unhealthy obsession with baked potatoes or she just doesnt wanna waste eret’s massive potato farm

* idc what cc!puffy says is c!puffy will always and forever be 5′2″ in my HEART. u are the shortest member, u cannot change this <3

* shes really fond of animals/ neutral mobs. she often baby talks to them and they help boost her mood a lot when shes having a bad day :D

* up to this day, the little secret rooms she’s created around the server have all been yet to be discovered, unless the one under bad’s house has been found. she rarely ever really keeps tabs on them, and more often than not they are just collecting dust. she still visits sometimes and cleans them up ofc

* she still genuinely thinks dream can change. cc!puffy’s line about that, ‘i’m his last hope.’ really makes me think about this a lot. 

* ive seen people talk abt it a bit but the headcanon that puffy acts as the server mom to fill the ‘void’ of her missing her mom makes me cry at night /hj

* she really likes her rainbow onesie! i headcanon that eret gave her that along w the sunglasses, but she started wearing that less when she found her old captains uniform. shes never really said why, though, and nobody ever really bothered to ask

* god bless this woman but sometimes the server members get on her nerves sometimes so she goes out of her way to traverse along far away from the main community to maybe commit a few crimes. let off some steam. these take a few days but she always returns

i probably have a lot more hcs but i cant remember them >_> THIS IS A LOT ANYWAY. HOPE U ENJOYED MY BRAIN VOMIT. IF U READ THIS FAR ILU THANK U

if there are mistakes it is bc i am crying and cannot see my keyboard and also i am sleep deprived /hj

[tonya-the-chicken]

I’m not going to change your views but it does feel a bit dismissive when you say it wasn’t that bad because he had rich parents who neglected him but hey they got a maid for him and he probably wasn’t outcasted or bullied so hey it’s not that bad right 🤷‍♀️! I don’t know he definitely didn’t have the worse out of the villains but I don’t know it felt a bit dismissive is all. Although we need to all remember these are fictional characters so have no idea why the other anon needed to get so aggressive! Also the person in the notes I don’t know how to say it but uh the whole the Todoroki’s had a rich father they didn’t have to work a day in their life take is not a good look. Just because someone has parents with money it doesn’t derail the fact that neglect can cause trauma.

Anyways for the real reason I sent this, you wonder why Dabi is so insane. Well take into account the neglect alongside the fact that he burnt to near death up on that hill alone at the age of what 13? That’s got to be extra traumatising, especially for a child that was already not mentally ok. We also don’t know what his circumstances were like after that fire, like was he homeless? Or picked up by someone nefarious? Kind of like AFO(not him exactly but someone nasty) who maybe fed on his brewing anger and hate instead of positive healing. I’m sure we will find out at some point? I don’t think it was just what happened in the Todoroki household or the fire that broke his mind? There had to be other factors after the fire after his “death”!

[[WARNING!!! I love Dabi as a character but I am not a woobifier so if you are too much into him don't read!!!! No complaints taken, y'all will be blocked for being rude I am too old to deal with people unable to interact with me in good faith (anon it's not for you, you are good and I can't understand your point of view I am just not as good as a person and too old for that shit)]]

I don't think I will change my mind either but I feel like the belief that every trauma is equally bad is just... Simply wrong. Like, we can legit compare this stuff and how badly it affects our brain, what do y'all think psychologists research 🤷‍♀️ Like, your therapist won't tell you this because it's not their job to make you understand you not the centre of the Earth (and it won't help because it is a legit trauma response that is very valid but is annoying you're fucking 25 yo). And to say that, neglectful parenthood is probably the worst parenthood style, as far as I know XD I wrote coursework about this (neglectful bitches are having a lot of need to make us the biggest victims (the bitches is me))... It also feels really American to me? Like, are we going to pretend people who got to live in a nice house and were neglect somehow got it as bad as people living in poverty or warzones? Hello? Imagine telling some orphan "I know you have no parents but actually, my trauma of my father not spending enough time with me is just as severe as yours". Bruh couldn't be me sorry... Like, even taking into account the fact that we can have weaker or stronger nervous systems or be more prone to depressive episodes *looks in the mirror and cries* I simply wouldn't find the guts to say my trauma is as severe as idk people who had physically abusive parents or no parents at all or who were disowned for being gay

And like **again** I am not saying that neglect is not traumatic I WAS NEGLECTED THIS IS TRAUMATIZING AS FUCK. I just am living in a country at war and with lots of discrimination problems and I like... Can't say I am the biggest victim. Sorry I can't though there were times when I was a lot more bitchy especially before being in therapy so I understand where you are coming from and I know what I am saying won't resonate with everyone (it's ok go on your own healing journey I believe in you) but this doesn't mean it is garbage and won't help me or someone else... I've already talked once about it but as a person, I am very easily irritated and envious and really not your local Jesus and partially my trauma turned me like this so being more humble about my sufferings helps me not be a complete bitch (believe me or not but people with traumas and mental illnesses are often insufferable *looks in the mirror* not me though I am perfect... BUT IT IS OK TO BE INSUFFERABLE OK??? like, bitch, that's normal. That's normal to stink when you are depressed it's ok to be a bitch when you are hurting. Forgive yourself because I forgive you (when you are not being an abusive asshole but if you apologize and explain yourself I will forgive that too)

The reason why I talk about the fact he is rich is that I've got a disease called leftism and I am a person of several marginalized identities and since this fandom LOVES looking at characters like real humans, I looked at Dabi this way. And if Dabi was a real human, I wouldn't sympathize with him one bit. I would fucking hate him for being the biggest entitled asshole who commits crimes for the reason his Daddy didn't give him attention. Bitch, my Dad didn't give me attention either! But somehow I don't kill people! And I don't even have money!!!! But like... I am not denying that neglectful parents are not a problem. It is. But he is overreacting, bro. He needs to humble down and recognize the fact he is a fucking idiot (he is). He has inherently so much more resources to recover and heal himself than I had... Yes, I am just being jealous at this point but honestly. Making an entire country suffer for you is not a good thing and y'all need to stop using trauma and mental illness as an excuse for people. No! Being abusive to people because of neglect is not valid, is overreacting and you had no reason to do that. I am dismissing your trauma because you are exaggerating it to make me sympathize with your asshole behaviour. I won't judge people with different sets of standards as I judge myself

I bet it would be dismissive and bad if I said it in conversation with someone who is currently struggling with mental health and is not a murderer. But guess what! I don't talk with humans and my friends the same way I talk on my Tumblr about fictional characters 🤷‍♀️ Not to mention I don't have rich friends akabsksbxm

I think with Dabi there's this whole thing where we saw him at 14 (poor baby boy) and 24 (a grown-ass boy) and... Like, I am so sorry for 14 years old Touya not receiving the help he needs (bruh so relatable) but I am not gonna act like 24 years old bitch can't get his ass to a psychiatrist (extremely unrelatable and infuriating). We shouldn't apply the same standards to kids and adults. We can talk all day long about how society is bad and how our parents ruined us but at some points, you gotta take your life into your own hands and do something and be an adult. And it's fucking hard when you're born with a shitty brain that was fucked up by your parents even more in a society where no one gives a fuck but I sincerely don't know another way to live. You will feel bad and want to die but you either keep on recovering or keep on getting worse and at this point getting worse is Dabi's *choice* That's how I live, that's my framework and I am, of course, extremely fortunate in a lot of ways but I just don't know how are you supposed to survive without the notion that grown people are responsible for themselves and their mental health. We can't act like adults are babies

But as a character, Dabi is fucking hot ngl. Like, do I sometimes want to murder my entire family, make them suffer AND commit terrorist attacks? We all do. Dabi is the dark fantasy of us neglectful bitches craving some attention. Gotta kill the president and tell everyone that my Dad sucks. Imagine the entire country hearing your Dad sucks? That's the juice, that's the dream. Trauma makes you vicious. I get the sentiment. Imagine all those fuckers who made you feel like shit pissing their pants and crying? Imagine your Mom being afraid of you the way you used to be afraid of her? People do have the desire for some violent justice but like... Think of bullied kids committing school shootings. But instead of a kid, it's a grown man who graduated school and who also have a rich father

Ok too much about irl stuff and philosophy shit. I know my way of talking is kinda brute so just know the way I treat people is different from that I treat fictional characters, in particular, I don't call real-life humans submissive and breedable... And stuff...

Damn Dabi is kinda good to project your hatred of your parents in bruh, I should write a fanfic about that (would be cathartic)

To the plotline, I am also very interested in what the hell happened with him after burning because... How the hell he wasn't found? I kind of DON'T want him to be groomed at this point because I feel like it won't be as cool as him just more naturally evolving into what he became. Like, surely, he is an asshole but consider this: as a villain, he is morally obligated to be an asshole

I feel like someone hiding him and Touya overstating the gruesomeness of his living conditions to the dude so he feels *bad* for him and hides him and feels sympathy and Touya gets attention but also begins to reassure himself in the fact his Dad needs to be punished... Idk it's a lot of mystery but I feel like more suffering won't deliver the point the way I want it... I mean it CAN be handled this way and initially I thought a lot about Dabi being brainwashed a bit or having his memories altered so it seems worse to him or even him being groomed or lied too but nowadays I am not into it. I mean I believe in Horikoshi and that he will handle him well 🛐

I talk a lot so I will summarize

If we judge him as a real human

14 yo Touya - DID NOTHING WRONG IN HIS LIFE PROTECT HIM

24 yo Dabi - go fuck yourself bitch you older than me and act like a child and kill people, I couldn't care less about your trauma rich boy

If you want me to talk as his psychologist

Yeah, it is painful and sad, I understand him so much and surely, his trauma is valid as is his hatred but probably revenge won't bring him what he wants. And what he wants is love and attention. But he gotta make choices that will lead to his healing. He needs to *want* to heal. And we will step by step go to the healing because it is possible. He is loved and he is enough. AND YOU ALL MOTHERFUCKERS WILL HEAL I BELIEVE IN YOU BESTIES

Also his therapist (behind his back)

You won't believe it but my client is the most infantile attention whore I've ever met

But if we talk about him as a character... Very delicious soup

If you talk with your friends

Please, if your friends are being abusive to you or someone else don't even LET them say how their trauma made them this way. No. Nothing allows you to be an abuser. Call them out and stop them and make them talk to the therapist. Like, surely, there are extreme situations like severe mental illnesses or extreme neglect where we should be more forgiving but babying adults won't do you any good and won't make them recover

Yeah, I guess this is what I forgot to say. When I say "it wasn't that bad" what I mean is that I would be more forgiving to people who had it worse. It's more of a personal measure where I can tolerate stuff from people who had particular traumas or from those who suffered greatly (it's not my place to be a bitch here). I can forgive 14 years old or a poor person for stealing stuff but not the 25-year-old man who got no need for money and is not a kleptomaniac. I would be more forgiving to Shigaraki than to Dabi because Shigaraki was groomed a whole lot. Same for Toga, who is not even an adult or Twice who is a poor orphan. But that doesn't mean I would forgive them completely. All of them are shitty people. It's just that they had fewer resources and possibilities to not be what they became while Dabi had more but he acts like he is extremely hurt and the biggest victim which is like... There will be people like this in your life, please, don't make friends with them, they WILL abuse you

I talked a lot damn. It's adhd I can't shut up

[zappho]

Some Meta on Murdock and mental illness

Generally speakig, The A-Team is a dumbass, light-hearted comedy with action on the same level as youtube poop videos. Obviously there isn’t alot of depth to be found here. The show had tons of different writers, all with their own take on Murdock and none of them offer any clear info or a proper backstory for the character. It’s basically up to the audience to fill in the blanks and that’s exactly what I’m gonna do by overanalyzing the mess that is the show’s canon.

The question of whether Murdock is ‘‘‘really crazy or just faking’‘’ has been around for over 30 years, but I’m gonna argue that he’s both.

When Kelly visits Murdock in the psychiatric hospital and confronts him about why he’s living there in the first place he gets instantly uncomfortable.

He really didn’t want her to ask, it’s why he’s been avoiding her. Joking about how you’re hashtag crazy™ is easy; having to admit that you’ve been institutionalized for over 10 years because you have legitimate problems is much harder. (Sure, the VA also gives him a convenient cover from the military police, but if that was the only reason for him to stay he wouldn’t react to Kelly’s question in this way). “It’s a long story”, is all he says. There are clearly some painful memories here that he’d rather not delve into.

He’d have to explain how he got committed in the first place. We know that after the gang was arrested for war crimes in ‘71, Murdock was still serving as a pilot in ‘72. They never clarified when and how Murdock was sent home, but i’m guessing without his only friends around and it being, you know...war, his mental health eventually deteriorated until he received a medical discharge straight into the VA hospital.

After Murdock gets wrongly released in season 1, instead of his friends being worried about his supposed cover getting blown they just shrug it off and go ‘Oh well!’ (This could all be due to the show’s inconsistent writing, but you know)

No longer being an inpatient would finally allow Murdock to be employed as a pilot again (his #1 passion), and yet he seems really disheartened about the situation. Even though the hospital gives him no privacy, the staff barely respects him and he spends most of his time there by himself, he still prefers to stay.

For a character who’s allegedly cheery comic relief, he sure gets his feelings hurt alot, mainly when dealing with other people’s ableism towards him. B.A. and Face are obviously just palling around, just guys bein’ dudes, they don’t want to hurt Murdock for real, they probably don’t realize how sensitive Murdock is about the subject. Usually he plays along or shrugs it off, but sometimes he gets genuinely upset. In the first half of In Plane Sight he’s so fed up with it he tries to ‘‘act normal’‘ until #Woke #Queen Hannibal reassures him that they love him the way he is.

PTSD was barely starting to become a diagnosis when the show first aired, but I think it’s fair to say he suffers from it. The pilot episode states that he has anxiety, paranoia and memory loss, so that checks out.

With PTSD you don’t just have to deal with flashbacks and nightmares, but also intrusive thoughts, images and memories about your trauma. Murdock copes with it by getting hyperfixated on a new activity or pretending he’s someone else. This is were alot of people will go ‘‘haha wow look how wacky and insane he is! He’s talking to his sock 😂’‘. But Murdock knows it’s all made up nonsense, he just needs his mind to focus on something else. What’s important here is that he never lets his coping mechanisms distract him when he’s flying, first of all he’s already focused and also he doesn’t wanna crash (lol). There’s a believability to his actions that’s missing in the 2010 reboot.

In the episode where the gang helps out the vietnamese cook from the POW camp where they’ve been tortured, Murdock tries to distract himself with some golfballs. He soon starts projecting his trauma on them however.

I think this is the only time in the show where Hannibal tears up, so this scene is kinda significant. As the leader, he probably blames himself for getting his team captured and tortured, and seeing that Murdock is still so strongly affected by it gotta hurt. 

Compared to the rest of the gang, Murdock’s alot more fucked up over the war. There are subtle changes in his voice whenever he talks about it. In the ep about their old war buddy Ray, Face was reminiscing about how cool of a guy Ray was for borrowing him his helmet, Murdock’s memories meanwhile are much less upbeat. ‘My bird was the only one left in the sky’ he remembers while we see an image of a field filled with shot down helicopters. His experiences are bound to be different from the other three as a huey medevac pilot. Murdock did have one off-screen breakdown in the present timeline, after collecting every newspaper article about the upcoming execution of the team in Firing Line. Apparently it was bad enough that he had to be restrained. It’s been 10 years, so he’s recovering and getting better, but he’s still not all there yet.

Everyone knows Murdock’s just messing around when he’s being interrogated by the military about his connections to the team, but like what about when the military isn’t there; or NO ONE is. He often talks to himself or just puts weird shit in his mouth for no reason while nobody’s paying attention to him (eating leaves, paint, an entire raw egg, a frozen sandwich). Sometimes he’s just unhinged like that.

Another thing that’s brought up a few times in the show is his anxiety. Murdock’s often seen being generally tense, sweaty, uncomfortable or reflective in the background of a scene. (I have no idea if this was a deliberate acting choice but Dwight does have anxiety irl so who knows if that had anything to do with it, I mean who knowsssssss, i’m just observing)

He’s got a habit of fidgeting with his hands or touching his neck when he’s stressed out. Murdock also does it when he’s telling his psychiatrist Dr. Richter about his dreams “If you were me, wouldn’t you be terrified to put your head down?” he asks him.

Richter isn’t really paying attention though, because he’s so used to Murdock’s non-stop clownery, he can’t exactly tell when his patient decides to be honest about his feelings for once. He just replies ‘Well only if it was a bad dream’. Which really irritates Murdock because what other dreams besides bad would he have? So he derails the session by rambling some made up bullshit on purpose.

Richter knows that Murdock uses humor and fantasy to cope, but he’s obviously tired of Murdock’s cringe antics, he just wants to help him. But Murdock doesn’t like to open up and be confronted with his traumas again, he just wants to avoid talking about it all together. There are still parts of reality that Murdock’s not ready to deal with, or he wouldn’t always retreat into his fantasies.

Before he can continue messing around a helicopter passes by and Murdock freezes for a second. Richter assures him that the helicopter is real; Murdock nods and starts fidgeting with his hands again, seemingly in deep thought. We know from the season 4 finale that he hears the sound of rotor blades when he dissociates. He was definitely being sincere here.

After getting drugged by some military goons he has a few brief flashbacks (feat. cheesy 80′s neon filters): seeing the chopper fly away, getting stuck in a potted plant as if he was walking through the jungle, being surrounded by heavy smoke and sparks from the burning carpet).

Despite being the 2nd highest ranked team member, Murdock dislikes being in charge and gets severly distressed when anything goes wrong that he might even be slightly responsible for. Most notably is the episode where the owners of the diner get kidnapped after Murdock got knocked out by evil cowboys or hill billies or whatever they were. Instead of telling anyone what happened, he’s just lying on the floor, repeatedly calling himself a failure until the others show up.

Seems like Murdock gets startled more easily than the rest of the crew as well. We often see him flinch when guns go off; one time he literally wore fluffy ear muffs to a backalley shootout.

This short moment from Family Reunion always stood out to me. Face opens the van door a little too quickly and it takes Murdock so off-guard he has to take deep breaths to calm down.

Murdock sounds exhausted when he has to remind Face not to sneak up on him. Face also realizes he messed up, he just wanted to check up on Murdock and not trigger him on accident.

When it comes to portrayals of mental illness in fiction there’s obviously better representation out there than Murdock. But sometimes you just wanna see a mentally ill character have a good time instead of being miserable 24/7. And Murdock’s already got the worst behind him, he’s had therapy for years and friends who love him. I just think that’s refreshing to see, especially with a character who’s so kind and openly affectionate.

[tomeandflickcorner]

Falcon and Winter Soldier Episode 3- My Thoughts

Can’t believe we’re already halfway through this show!

As was set up in the last episode, Bucky decides to head to a prison in Germany, where Zemo is being held for the crimes he committed during Civil War. Again, while I did understand why he was doing this, considering Zemo was the only real lead they had in determining how the Flag Smashers got their hands on the Super Serum, I still didn’t really like the idea.  Because this was the guy who framed Bucky for the murder of King T’Chaka and then forced Bucky to undergo even more trauma by activating his Winter Solder programing.  And my dislike for Zemo increased even more when the first thing he did upon seeing Bucky outside his cell was recite the Winter Soldier Activation Words.  Ugh, this guy is such a scumbag!  I am so confused why some people seem to be talking about how funny Zemo was in this episode.  I just don’t get it!

Anyway, I guess Zemo said he’d only assist Bucky and Sam in solving the mystery if Bucky helped him escape from prison.  And Bucky, out of desperation, agrees to this?  Yeah, I was with Sam on this one, as he only finds out about this plan after the fact and understandably freaks out when he sees Zemo waltzing up disguised as a security guard.  Because while the jail break sequence was interesting, I still don’t trust Zemo in the slightest.  But I guess it’s too late now.  So the three of them travel to this island called Madripoor, which I guess is like a haven for criminal masterminds, so they can infiltrate some nightclub in order to talk to a woman named Selby.  Because Selby can apparently give them the information they need.  And Zemo can arrange all of this because he turns out to be super rich. Yeah, okay.

From here on in, the episode is pretty much a spy film.  Because Sam has to go into the Madripoor nightclub mascaraing as some other guy called Smiling Tiger.  (Side note, I hope that snake that got sliced open to make that drink was already dead.)  The trio eventually get an audience with this Selby person, but my skin is crawling over the way they did it.  Because Zemo has Bucky pretend to be the brainwashed Winter Soldier again as an intimidation technique. And then offers to gift him to Selby, as if Bucky was simply a piece of property.  And while Bucky does a passible job of pretending he’s still the Winter Soldier, it must have been torture for him to pretend to be Hydra’s brainwashed assassin again.  Especially since we all know how guilty he feels for all of that.  They even bring up his book filled with the names of people he’d wronged.  Which turns out to be the exact same book Steve was using to keep track of everything he needed to adjust to being in a different time after being thawed from the ice.  Which just hits you with even more feels.  Still, I’m glad that at least Sam seems to be recognizing that, as he frequently takes the time to check on how Bucky’s holding up.  It’s nice that the writers haven’t completly forgotten that Sam used to be a therapist himself.  (Hey, maybe Sam can become Bucky’s new therapist instead of that crummy government-issued one.  Or is it a violation of the code of ethics to offer therapy to someone you know personally?)

Unfortunately, just as Selby gives them the information they came for- that the mysterious Power Broker hired former Hydra scientist Dr. Nagel to recreated the Super Serum- their cover is blown because Sam got an ill-timed call from his sister, Sarah.  (Seriously, Sam!  You didn’t think to put your phone on mute?  That’s the first rule of going undercover!)  Out of nowhere, Selby is shot dead by an unseen assassin, and Bucky, Sam and Zemo have to make a run for it, particularly after a bounty is placed on their heads for Selby’s death.  Still, they’re rescued by a surprise appearance of Sharon Carter.  Who has been living there since the events of Civil War.  Strangely enough, nobody remembered to help get her a government issued pardon.  Which doesn’t make a lot of sense.  But that revelation does lead to Sam feeling even more disillusioned.  First it was him learning how Isaiah got the short end of the stick, and now this.  Sam now is thinking maybe the Shield should simply be destroyed because of how much trouble its caused.  Though I don’t think it’s possible to destroy the Shield.  Wasn’t the Shield made of Vibranium or something equally as indestructible?  Still, this might be a good thing.  Because Sam is seeing how many people ended up getting tossed aside and overlooked.  Which could be what inspires him to take back the mantle of Captain America, in order to help give a voice to those people.

Anyway, with Sharon’s help, Bucky, Sam and Zemo find Dr. Nagal’s lab, which is hidden in a shipyard somewhere.  Upon interrogating Dr. Nagal, we learn that, after Hydra was eliminated, Dr. Nagal was hired by the CIA to continue his work in recreating the Super Serum.  But then, Dr. Nagal got dusted in the Snap.  When he came back, he picked up where he left off and managed to create 20 vials of Super Serum.  Admittedly, I might be getting some of the details here wrong, but this episode had a lot of exposition to go through. But the important thing is that those vials got stolen by Karli.  Which means there might be a whole mess of Super Soldiers out there right now.  But before Dr. Nagal could reveal anything further, Zemo shoots him dead out of the blue.  Why, I’m not entirely sure, but this is Zemo.  Like I mentioned before, I don’t trust him in the slightest.  And I wouldn’t be shocked if he ends up backstabbing Sam and Bucky in some way before the show is over.  In any event, after Dr. Nagal gets killed off, there’s a sudden action sequence, with Sharon, Sam and Bucky trying to fend off a bunch of armed goons.  Wasn’t very clear if they were with the people who had currently hired Dr. Nagal after the Reverse Snap or if they were bounty hunters looking for Selby’s killer.  Eventually, Zemo manages to obtain a getaway car, and he drives off with Sam and Bucky.  Sharon, on the other hand, chooses to stay behind, with Sam promising her that he’ll make sure she gets a full pardon for her actions in Civil War once they get back to the US.  But after they drive off, Sharon meets up with some other unnamed woman.  So I have no idea what Sharon is up to right now.  Did she have anything to do with Selby’s death?  Is she in league with this mysterious Power Broker? It’s not clear at the moment. Either way, I’m sure we haven’t seen the last of her.

The episode ends with Bucky, Sam and Zemo trying to figure out the next step.  But Bucky steps away when he spots a few black beads affixed to the side of a building.  He clearly recognizes these black beads as Kimoyo beads, because he calls out to someone once he’s alone.  And seems unsurprised when a member of the Dora Milaje appears in front of him, stating that she’s there for Zemo.  Apparently, that’s Ayo, Okoye’s second-in-command.  So we’re getting the Wakandans involved now!  That’ll be fun.  Particularly since it’s doubtful they forgot that Zemo was responsible for the death of King T’Chaka.  I’m wondering if we’ll get a cameo of Shuri.  Or, on a more sobering note, get a hint about what the MCU will do in regards to T’Challa.  In any event, I’m excited to see the Wakandans.

Meanwhile, we got John Walker going around, further cementing how unlikable he is.  Because he ends up storming into some office building somewhere because the Flag Smashers were seen operating out of there.  Or something to that effect.  The main issue is they weren’t even in America at this point.  Are the Accords still in effect?  I don’t even know! But even if they aren’t, the fact that John Walker is pretty much throwing his weight around like this only further proves he’s not worthy to call himself Captain America.  (Just saying, Steve would never shove some guy against a wall and demand respect just because of who he is.)  Oh, and it gets better.  When he gets word that Bucky and Sam might have been responsible for Zemo escaping from jail, his attitude seems to have sinister undertones of ‘if I can prove those two are criminals, the methods I used to get that proof doesn’t matter.’  Oh, where do I begin?  That kind of attitude is extremely problematic, as it’s teetering dangerously close to ‘I can ignore people’s rights whenever it suits my needs’ territory.  And it’s particularly uncomfortable when you remember people were clearly recording Bucky’s earlier actions on Madripoor on their phones, when he had to beat up this guy to sell his Winter Soldier act.  Needless to say, I’m really scared for Bucky and Sam right now.

Then there’s the stuff with the Flag Smashers.  I guess there was this organization called the Global Repatriation Council (GRC for short) that was set up after the people who got dusted returned with the Reverse Snap, which was designed to help those un-dusted people adjust to the new world and get back on their feet.  But this is where things get a little sketchy.  I think the implication is that they’re not distributing the supplies fairly, or that this organization is favoring the un-dusted people while ignoring the needs of the people who remained after the Snap?  Because after who I think was supposed to be Karli’s mother dies from an illness(?), Karli leads the Flag Smashers in breaking into a GRC storage facility in Lithuania and making off with the supplies they were storing there.  And then she blows up the building.  With people still inside.  Because her attitude seems to be this will be the only way to get the government’s attention or something along those lines.  Yeah, this is where Karli started to lose my support.  Because while I think I can understand what their motivation is, considering it seems to be implied that world governments are not being fair and equal in regards of helping everyone adjust to the Reverse Snap, once you start killing people, that’s where you make it easy for your enemies to villainize you in the eyes of the general public. At this point, I don’t know how I feel about Karli.

[writers-block246]

Bucky Barnes x Reader Fanfiction - The Light Amidst My Darkness

Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5

Warning: Mentions of mental illness. I tried to present Bucky’s challenges as accurately as possible. However, if anyone has some suggestions as to better portray his illness and resulting therapy, please lmk! (I researched to depict his struggle with mental illness and the type of therapy he would recieve as accurately as I could). Curse words are also included.

Notes: Italics are thoughts and emphasis. Set before Infinity War and Endgame. Slow burn.

——————————————————————————

Chapter 1:

Your heels clicked on the cold marble tile as you strode towards your office. You unconsciously took a sharp turn down one of the compound’s hallways, caught up in your own little world. Thoughts swam in your head as you tried to make sense of the day’s tasks. I have a session with Wanda at 9:30, a meeting with my boss at 11, another session at 3. Did I mention lunch? What am I doing for that? A salad? A burge-

Your thoughts were interrupted by a cacophony of sounds floating down to you from the second floor’s overhang. Reflexively, your head shot up to determine the source of the ruckus. Almost immediately, your eyes met with cold icy blue ones. The Winter Soldier. Or the White Wolf, whatever they were calling him these days. Throughout the past few weeks, you had only come across the man (super soldier?) a few times. But now, in the middle of the hallway, his stare had stopped you right in your tracks. Suddenly, you recalled the details on his file. You had been given the information, which you had placed with the rest of the teams’s files, when he first officially joined the team and came to stay at the tower. Credited with over 100 assassinations of government officials, ranging across various countries. Charged with multiple war crimes. Cybernetic left arm. Enhanced abilities, including superhuman strength. Russian spy skilled in hand-to-hand combat and the use of many weapons. Simply put, the man was deadly. A shiver ran through you, images of the acts he had committed flitted through your mind. You couldn’t help but feel a sense of trepidation toward him. Enough in fact, to make you want to exit the area as quickly as possible.

You caught yourself. It wasn’t professional for you, a psychotherapist, to let emotions take over your rationale. Nor should you make judgments without having even truly met the man. Not to mention, Steve Rogers, a.k.a. Captain America, had defended James Barnes multiple times. And if there was anyone you trusted completely, it was the Captain. So, you would trust his judgement of character here. Steeling yourself under the assassin’s intense gaze, you nodded to him and continued on your way to your office.

As you walked along, you thought about all James Buchanan Barnes had went through. Flung from a train, captured by Hydra, and brainwashed to become the exact thing he had fought against. You wondered what it felt like to be at someone’s mercy with the mere utterance of a few words. Forced to commit deeds you never would on your own, awakening to the aftermath. Even worse, you thought, to be pitted against your closest friend, facing off from different parts of the battlefield. To be a twisted version of what made Captain America so great.

You decided to cut Mr. Barnes some slack. He had been through enough.

With that final thought, you stepped into your office.

Wanda Maximoff sat in her usual chair, patiently awaiting your arrival. Upon hearing you enter, she looked up from her phone and gave you a smile. “Heya, Doc.”

You couldn’t help but grin in response. “Hello, Wanda. How are you today?”

And with that, your first session of the day began. However, your mind kept wandering to those piercing blue eyes. You couldn’t deny that the soldier was handsome, incredibly so, actually. Tall, strongly built, and with those pretty blue eyes and dark hair. No matter how many times you tried to prevent your mind from replaying the scene in the hallway, you still found yourself getting distracted.

Wanda seemed to notice. “Are you okay Y/N? You seem a little off today?”

Shaking your head a little to relieve yourself of those distracting thoughts, you replied: “I’m fine, Wanda. I appreciate you asking, though.”

Its not like me to get distracted, especially during my job.

“Of course. We are friends, you know.”

You chuckled. “I know. But right now, I’m your therapist. So keep talking.”

“If I do, will you listen this time?” She said with a smirk.

You decided to ignore that comment. “So how would you describe your state of mind these past few days?”

Wanda gave a slight laugh, knowing what you were doing. However, she cut you a break and continued your conversation.

The minutes passed by with little to no thought of James Barnes, and soon, your therapy session had ended.

“Alright, that’s it. I’ll see you again at 3pm Thursday.”

She smiled. “Sounds good, Doc.”

You said your goodbyes as you walked her to the door of your office. Once she left, you sighed and sat down at your desk. You checked the clock: 10:42. You groaned. Eighteen minutes until your meeting. While contemplating the advantages and disadvantages of faking an illness (the flu? Chicken pox? The plague?), a notification popped up on your phone. Checking it, you realized it was an email from your boss:

Good Morning, Y/N!

I just wanted to let you know that our meeting has been cancelled. Director Fury said he needs to speak with you. 11 sharp.

Have a good day!

-Katherine Newman

Dread settled in the pit of your stomach. What could Fury want with me? You hardly ever spoke with the Director unless it had to do with one of your clients. Was this it? Am I getting fired? Is this because of me zoning out today? Did Wanda say something to him? No, no she would never sell me out like that.

You tried to calm your racing nerves. You were overreacting, you knew, but Fury had a way of intimidating people. Unclenching your fists, you swallowed and checked the clock once more: 10:45. 15 minutes. 15 minutes until you had to see Fury face to face.

15 minutes to make yourself presentable and cross the entire tower.

Shit!

Grabbing your things quickly, you made for the door. Heels clacking loudly against the floor, you began a fast pace toward Fury’s office. There was no way you could be late to a meeting with him of all people. The minutes it took to reach his workplace felt like hours due to your frantic worries. Finally, your eyes met with the name plaque on his door: Nick Fury.

Smoothing down your skirt, you took a deep breath and knocked. A muffled ‘enter’ was your response. Another deep breath and you were opening the door, only to be met with the same icy blue eyes from earlier.

There, sitting in front of Fury’s desk, was the object of your obsession for the past few hours: James Buchanan Barnes. The Winter Soldier.

Once more, you found yourself floored by the man’s intensity. This time, however, it was Fury’s voice that brought you back to the present.

“Have a seat, Miss Y/L/N.”

Only hesitating slightly, you closed the door behind you and headed to the seat next to Bucky. You made sure to not balk when taking the seat next to him, however, as you did not want him to think you feared him.

Once you were settled, Fury cleared his throat. “I’m sure you’re wondering why I had your meeting cancelled today.”

“Yes, sir,” you hesitantly replied.

“I’ve called you here to introduce you to your new patient.”

. . . new . . . patient?

Despite your confused appearance, Fury continued on. “He has to be cleared before he can go on any missions. Your sessions with Mr. Barnes will begin Friday.”

You felt James’s gaze on you. An unnamed feeling spread across your body.

He’s waiting for my reaction, you realized. He wants to see how I’ll respond to having to work with him.

Drawing strength from every professional fiber of your body, you prepared yourself and smiled. “Sounds good to me, Director Fury. Do you have a specific time in mind?”

His response was curt. “2:30pm.”

You smiled again, desperate to hide your nerves. “I’ll schedule it right away, sir.”

“Good.”

Ignoring Fury’s usual bluntness, you turned to James. “I look forward to working with you, Mr. Barnes.”

There was a hint of surprise in his expression, but he schooled himself quickly. Nodding, he turned back to Fury.

You didn’t take offense at his brusque nature. It was commonplace, you knew, for those that struggled with mental illness to behave in a blunt or off-kilter way. Instead, you made a mental note to express happiness at being around him. It would do him good for him to know people can be comfortable, and even look forward to, him being around.

(Even if I’m not totally comfortable).

Fury turned to look at James. “That’s all, Mr. Barnes. Remember your appointment, and I know you are aware of her office’s location.”

Was that . . . a . . . teasing tone of voice?

Even better, you could have sworn a light blush had settled on the soldier’s cheeks.

Nodding once more, James rose and strode out of the room.

Again, you were not put off by his behavior, as you had seen similar conduct from your other patients. Instead, you wondered about the odd exchange between Mr. Barnes and Fury. Am I missing something?

Your gaze settled back on Fury. “Was there a reason you had my meeting cancelled, Director Fury? Not to be disrespectful, but couldn’t you’ve just had me meet you later, sir?”

He chuckled. “Well sure, but that wouldn’t get you out of your meeting would it?”

You laughed, and felt the tension that you hadn’t even realized was still there release from your shoulders.

“It’s much appreciated, Director Fury.”

“No problem. And kid?”

“Yes, sir?”

“Get back to work.”

You scrambled for your things. “Yep, sure thing, sir.”

Headed toward the door, you gave one last look behind you. “Have a good day, sir.”

“Goodbye, kid.”

“Y-yep. Goodbye,” you stuttered.

You stepped out of his office and shut the door behind you. Breathing a sigh of relief, you made your way back to your office.

-Admin Cheyenne

More to come!!

[padawanlost]

I'd like to give counterargument, but I don't have enough box space to say everything I want. Instead I'll recommend this video (/watch?v=6EMc_S_vAsk), where the creator correctly points out the problems with Grey Jedi like the AJ (far better than I ever could). p.s. I respect your opinion and like a lot of your blog, so I mean no ill will. p.s.s. Also I wasn't blaming AJ for the Council's failings, just that they had other options rather than just bailing.

Thanks forthe video, I’ll check it out when it have the time :)

They way I see,the Altisian Jedi X Jedi Order debate have very little to do with the Grey Jedidiscourse. Grey Jedi is a BROAD term and personally, I don’t understand thefandom obsession with it. imo, the whole grey Jedi thing never made much sense.

I don’tthink the altisian Jedi would’ve been better for Anakin because they were greyJedi or whatever. They would’ve been better because they better equipped todeal with someone like Anakin, someone who needed emotional support. Besides,the altisian are not grey Jedi in the sense they used the both light and darkside of force, nor they drew their power from “negative emotions”. We mightcall them grey Jedi as in the Jedi who challenged the Council but even in thiscase, it’d more like a derogatory term than an official label.

As for thebailing thing, I think I’ve given enough proof that they didn’t bail onanything. being moraly conflicted about rushing into war fought by a slave armyis not bailing. And even if it was, they did join the fight even if it was ontheir own terms.

Etain found it almost shaming that Altis and his people would throw their lot inwith the Jedi Order to fight alongside them when they were effectively shunnedby it the rest of the time. She was also shamed that the Order was happy tohave them back on board when it suited them. She was starting to think likeJusik. [Karen Traviss, Order 66]

“[…]All we cando is take responsibility for ourselves, and help the victims of this war.” Altislooked back at the ship. There was now a steady stream of Jedi and theirsupport teams ferrying supplies to the refugees. “Like these wretched people.”

“And those.” Geith indicated the deadtrooper. “They’re victims, too.”

“Let’s makeourselves useful,” Altis said. He needed to compose himself before he dealtwith the bodies, and a little honest labor, even with a bad back, was a goodway to do it. “Just getting thegenerators going will save lives. Is it my age, or is this place as cold asdeath?”

They never becamebeloved generals but they dedicated themselves to helping the realvictims of war (the innocent) and they actually bothered to bury dead clone trooperswhich is a lot more than we can say for most popular Jedi.

The JediOrder jumping into the war was not admirable. In their arrogance, they jumpedinto a violent conflict that could’ve been solved with diplomacy, accepted aclone army they didn’t know where it come from, lied about it, didn’t careabout the clones well-beings, allowed a corrupt senate to tell them what to do,used child-soldiers and completely ignored their main mandate as peacekeepersto maintain their power on the Senate, etc. If they had done the right thingand asked the right questions like the Altisian did, they would not have playedright into Palpatine’s hand and started a chain of events that eventually ledto their deaths and millions more.

The pointhere is that jumping blindingly into a war without asking if it’s morally justifiable is not righteous and it only leads to more violence. In most cases,avoiding a morally wrong and violent conflict you don’t fully understand is theright answer.

Look, I’mnot an altisian Jedi stan. If you saw my original answer, you know I believethe best thing for Anakin would be staying away from all Jedi. That boy neededtherapy not a cult. But if he could only chose between one of the two, thealtisian jedi would be the far better option. maybe they weren’t perfect, butat least they were healthier.

And in mybook, “bailing” on a war where both sides are committing atrocities and crimesto protect the interests of greedy corporations and corrupt politician is agood thing.

[swtorramblings]

On Vaylin

I am re-posting this, my rough draft of a post that I wrote to my main blog when I found that my annoyance with certain game events aggravated me so badly I needed a place to publicly vent. I tried to move it here and broke the whole thing, so lost some of the edits and other information (I’m still learning the ropes). I still want to have it up, but I am also not putting in the tags it used to have. I am trying to be more positive, now, though I will have one more negative, but somewhat calmer, post on the subject in the near future, because even after a month and a half it still gets to me.

I am going on a rant about the SWTOR expansion, Knights of the Eternal Throne. I don’t think anyone is likely to see this that, 1. Cares about SWTOR, 2. Cares about my opinion of SWTOR, 3. Doesn’t already know the plot of KOTET. If I’m wrong, note that there are spoilers ahead.

Too long, didn’t read: Vaylin’s fate is for crap, a badly told mess even if the basic plot of “man and woman enter, only man can leave” wasn’t already a problem.

Note: I’m not really looking for debate. I’m just venting. But, if you must, keep it civil. My ire is meant for Bioware and for the people who have approached disagreements on this subject rudely.

Now, my therapy will begin.

I will be up front about my core bias: I have seen enough stories where a man and a woman fulfill similar roles in the story, have similar experiences, and, in this case, commit similar crimes (of type if not of scale), but the man survives and the woman doesn’t. I was never, ever going to like this plotline. Give us the choice to save both, give us the choice of which one can be saved (Bioware loves that), or don’t let us save either. All would be better, though I prefer the first two.

I fully understand that she was written without those little moments of remorse that he was. I do understand what Bioware was going for. It’s not difficult to see, it was unsubtle. It was also hamfisted and obnoxious. So don’t tell me how obvious it was that she was too far gone and like that: I’m well aware. I just don’t find it to be a good story, especially with so much of how it was handled. They chose to make her that way, they did not have to, and even in making that choice they could have done better.

Finally, I recognize this is a game. It is also, however, a story, and how we tell and share stories is important to me, and this one was awful. Bioware tried to tell a tale of tragedy and familial abuse and mental illness and brainwashing, in an action game with a trinary response, and the lack of nuance didn’t do them any favors. If they couldn’t tell the story with care and sensitivity, they shouldn’t have told it at all.

Vaylin irredeemable. Why? Because mummy and brother can’t find any good in her with their Detect Good spell? Please. Because daddy says she is like a wild animal? Please squared. They should get no say whatsoever.

I swear, whether or not Vaylin ultimately must die I wanted the option to tell them all off. When they say something like that, I want to say, <point to Senya> “You feared her and abandoned her.” <point to Arcann> “You neglected her and killed her brother. Out of everyone living outside of my head, you two are the most responsible for what she has become. Neither of you have any say in how we are going to handle this. And we’re going to do what we can to save her. Period. And if you want any more reason than she’s your family, or the horrible things you both allowed to happen to her, or your own empathy, Valkorian is telling me she has to die, and I refuse to do what that monster says. Are we clear?”

Oh, and that bit where you get the option to tell her that Valkorian wants you to kill her? To try to talk her down? That’s the Light option, Bioware. You’re irredeemable is the neutral option. How hard is that to figure out?

Because she’s a threat to your troops? No. The moment you tell them that Valkorian wants her dead, they should be changing their blasters to stun settings. Well, if those exist in TOR, if they haven’t been invented yet, someone should get on that (and if they do every single light side character should carry one, even if they are clumsy and random, for situations like this). But your troops know what he is, and should be willing to help you out here.

Because she killed a lot of people, including your buddy (speaking of hamfisted story telling)? Arcann killed HK-55 (but, you know, droid, and anti-droid bigotry is certainly a thing in Star Wars, even with otherwise light-side types) and almost certainly many times as many people. I do hope you don’t have him with you if your reason to kill her is because of her crimes (and if you executed him for his, congratulations, you are more consistent with your actions than the game company known for its awesome stories. I say, without irony, good job).

Because she’s killed your buddy and you want revenge? Point. I have no rebuttal, but then, I don’t really have a problem you being able to choose to kill her, here (aside from my “Bioware created an awful and poorly told story of familial abuse where you have to/get to kill the victims” thing), my problem is that you have to kill her but you can save Arcann.

Because she slaughtered her troops with her force powers when they annoyed her or just to show off? Again, hope you haven’t saved Arcann after halving his own forces. Just because she does it herself doesn’t mean he’s less heinous, and magical force powers healed him.

Because she’s too broken to live? That’s really the crux of what Bioware was going for: her mind was crippled by Valkorian and can never be gotten back to what it was. Her sanity can never be restored so we have to kill her because of the combination of her powers and her madness. Well, even if I fully accepted this, I want to be allowed to show sympathy within the game. Yeah, I can pretend that’s what the Outlander is really doing, but some things I’d like explicitly stated, and this is one of those. Just say you’re sorry you have to do this before stabbing or shooting her. I wouldn’t like it, as I said, but it’s a small step up, anyway. And they couldn’t give us that option.

Mock her like a villain? You can. Ask her to surrender? You can. Show sympathy and offer help? No, not really. Not use the command phrase, or even show a shred of sorrow or even embarrassment over its use? Nope, and you’re going to expose it to the galaxy, her shame, her lack of control, the awfulness of her parents! I can’t imagine why she hates you so much, especially with her awful family around you, but you did that to her

This is an abuse victim. Further, she had directed attempts to break her mind, body, and spirit to make her into something else. These things happened. The fact that you walk up to her, close enough to touch, with what sounds like whimpering and fear being the only sounds she’s making, and stab or shoot her is disgusting. If she’s supposed to be just Pure Evil, at least let her be ranting at the end. If she’s supposed to be Irredeemably Broken, pretty much the same. That bit of whimpering both makes her seem like someone not really all that dangerous and someone that I want to save. She made the same noises when you most recently defeat her, while she’s on her hands and knees before you, too. Shame you couldn’t have acted before she bubbled up, hero. Perhaps irrational, but there it is.

Because she doesn’t ask? Because she doesn’t want to be saved? Uhm, and? Bioware tried very hard to present her as completely gone, and why. She doesn’t get to choose whether the people around her are going to at least try to help her. Does that take away her agency as a character? Maybe, but I’d argue that her agency was already taken away by her father (and, by extension, the writers) a long time ago. In fact, note in Chapter 9: “Choice. I could get used to that.” At that point, after death, she has agency. Shame she couldn’t have gained some before that, like, by the Outlander trying to save her.

I actually think she was borderline suicidal. She fought beyond what was reasonable when already defeated, there at the end. When, after you continued her abuse by using her command phrase, she retreated and tortured herself, she shouts out not that she doesn’t want to die, but that she doesn’t want to die “in this place”. Scant evidence, since “not like this” is something people that don’t seem otherwise to want to die sometimes say. But, combined with what she has been through and her constant control by others (I’m looking at you, Outlander), it seems at least plausible. I don’t think it’s what the writers were going for, but I can’t unthink it, and it makes “she didn’t ask to be saved” take on a very different, and much worse, meaning.

Because she’s too dangerous? Maybe. There are some signs of it. She’s certainly been defeated often enough, but, yeah, her power is unlocked! Oh, wait, you beat her again. But, now she has that bubble thing, maybe it’s just going to keep going, burning her out and blowing up your base, if she’s not killed. Maybe her rage would drive her troops forward, even if she was unconscious or, say, in carbonite. It would be nice to have one of those explicitly stated before killing her, because at that point the decision to do that rather than try to take her alive makes more sense.

You had to kill the suicidal woman because she was going to kill everyone around you and it was the only way to stop her? Fine. Show some remorse that it came to that, lightsider. Show some empathy. Really all I want given the choice has already been made by the writers that she must die.

Honestly, there’s an episode of Justice League Unlimited where Batman sits down with Ace while she is dying and just stays with her. A moment like that would have been so much better for the nice characters. Instead, “You’re irredeemable!” stab/shot in the gut.

Maybe you just don’t have a non-lethal weapon. Maybe you should get one, we have them on Earth and can’t even break the speed of light or form light into a solid cutting tool.

Because it’s too risky to try to save her, long term? If you wanted the easy way, you’d have used the Emperor’s power every time he offered it, but you didn’t do that, even to save Lana, did you? But, then, accepting his advice and help is probably a bad idea. What did he tell you to do with his daughter and other family members, again?

Because she was always evil? Many of the things I’ve griped about are open to interpretation, this one included. There were moments when she could be interpreted to have a vicious streak as a little girl. She smiled when the guards died (I still believe that the guards should be hurt, not dead, because Senya should have talked about this instead of the crippled guard if Vaylin killed her sparring partners, but I digress). I interpret that as her happiness in showing off her power, and the moment after that as her guilt realizing what had happened. But, sure, the Dark Side could be interpreted as there, even then.

But that bubbly little girl, bouncing up and down with excitement while her big brothers spar? She’s evil? No. Just no. I fear I have no cogent argument to give on this subject, but I don’t accept it, anyway. They can’t all be gems. My entire diatribe is about how the Outlander should have been portrayed as more emotional, if the player so chooses, and I’m not immune myself.

Conclusion: I’m not happy that you are forced to kill an abuse victim, a mentally disturbed woman who, yes, has committed heinous crimes. This isn’t the right venue for such a story, if any venue is. I am doubly disgusted by the way it was approached, with the hero of the story mocking her and taking advantage of her weakness forced on her by the villain for tactical reasons. You don’t use the command phrase to capture her, or even really to save people nearby: it was always your plan to reveal the results of her abuse to the galaxy. I don’t like that you don’t appear to try to help her until after she’s dead, and are unable to choose to show any kind of remorse for what you must do. They took a story that would have annoyed me and made it into something really grotesque. Good job, Bioware.

�

[unabashedlystupendousbeliever]

 Thomas Szasz The Medicalization of Suicide

 Everyone now knows that suicide is a medical problem. Not long ago everyone knew that it was a religious and criminal problem. Bereft of the power of critical thinking and lacking historical knowledge, the human mind is a sponge for absorbing and magnifying error. The great American humorist Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw, 1818–1885) said a mouthful when he opined, “The trouble ain’t that people are ignorant: it’s that they know so much that ain’t so.” In the medieval world Saint Augustine and Saint Thomas Aquinas had declared that whoever deliberately took the life given to him by his Creator showed disregard for the will and authority of God and was guilty of a mortal sin. In the modern world “self-slaughter” was declared a crime. In Great Britain the crime of suicide was repealed by the Suicide Act of 1961; those who failed in the attempt would no longer be prosecuted. After 1776 the United States adopted English criminal penalties against suicide, but American courts never enforced them. Nevertheless, as late as 1963 attempted suicide still was a felony in six states—North and South Dakota, New Jersey, Nevada, Oklahoma, and Washington. Today, everyone “knows” that suicide is a mental illness, proving the wisdom of Johann Wolfgang von Goethe’s (1749–1832) observation, “In the newspapers and encyclopedias, in schools and universities, everywhere error rides high and basks in the consciousness of having the majority on its side.” Because medicalization suffuses our thinking about all manner of human problems, we bracket the term “suicide” with “prevention,” implying a claim for which there is no evidence—namely, that suicide is a “medical problem.” We prevent diseases but prohibit crimes. Disease is said to be prevented, not prohibited, even when a State mandate is involved, as with vaccination. Driving while intoxicated is a crime though the purpose of the law is to prevent accidents committed by drunk drivers. Suicide prevention ought to be called “suicide prohibition.” Why is this important? Because suicide is action-doing, not disease-enduring, and because the basic tool of the State is coercion not therapy. Preventive measures are aimed at keeping undesirable events from happening, prohibitions at preventing persons from engaging in behaviors defined as “dangerous” to themselves or others. The differences between these two modes of influencing/controlling the conduct of others are illustrated by the differences between the “war on cancer” and the “war on drugs.” The former is fought with money and medical technology, the latter with laws and prisons. The psychiatric perspective on life began to seep into the zeitgeist of modern Western culture in the nineteenth century and was ripe when Freud arrived on the scene in the 1880s. His influence lay mainly in his successful elaboration and popularization of the language of psychopathology and psychotherapy. By the time he died, in 1939, Wystan Auden was moved to offer this marvelously perceptive memorial tribute to him: “. . . if often he was wrong and, at times, absurd, / to us he is no more a person / now but a whole climate of opinion / under whom we conduct our different lives.” “Mental Illness” and the Loss of Credibility People know but do not experience that our everyday language refracts social reality in accordance with prevailing cultural beliefs. As long as a person remains unentangled in the State’s psychiatric control system, he is not likely to understand its actual functioning and its threat to basic human rights. Once he becomes a “mental health consumer,” he is considered credible only when he praises the system. When he criticizes it he is dismissed as lacking insight into his illness. (Psychiatric critics who are not mental health consumers are also likely to be dismissed.) Today, suicide prohibition is a vast, bureaucratic legal-psychiatric enterprise. From the lawyer’s and psychiatrist’s point of view, it is medical treatment. From the would-be suicide’s point of view, it is deprivation of liberty. The following excerpt from an email I received some time ago is a typical example of a “suicide prevention intervention” presented by and from the point of view of a “prevented” subject: I am a doctoral student in psychology. . . . I was depressed and, seeking support, had called my parents and told them that I was suicidal. They promptly called the police, who arrived at my apartment, handcuffed me, and transported me to the local “psychiatric center.” After many hours of waiting, the student—now called a “patient”—was “evaluated.” The psychiatrist “spoke to me for approximately 10 minutes before she decided that it was in my ‘best interest’ for me to be committed to a psychiatric ward. I protested, of course, believing that wrenching me away from life would cause far more harm than good. She expressed no empathy, however. . . . I was finally released from the hospital five days after my arrival. I can certainly say that I received no benefit from my stay in the psychiatric ward. I am more depressed than I was before, having been traumatized by my experience with the mental health care system. Educational authorities deny the real consequences of suicide prevention for college and university students and persist instead in restating their medicalized mendacities. Following three suicides within a period of a few months, Cornell University President David J. Skorton basks in his own platitudes: “On and off campus, there is an epidemic of suicide among young people. . . . As a father, teacher, physician and president of a university where we have recently experienced the horror of multiple suicides, I have long been concerned about this national public health crisis.” Every death is a crisis for the affected family, but three deaths, or 30 deaths, do not constitute an “epidemic” or a “national public health crisis” in a nation of 300 million people. “What is the way ahead?” Skorton asks. His answer: “[W]e need more research into the factors that lead to suicide in this age group and how to identify those at greatest risk. . . . [S]tudents must learn that it is smart to ask for help.” This is a lie. The college student who trusts college mental health personnel is misguided. The psychiatrist, psychologist, or social worker employed by the college serves the interests of the college not the student: The student who seeks such a professional’s “help” is more likely to be entrapped and harmed than empowered and helped. So what can the parents of young-adult children, struggling with the hazards inherent to that period of life, do to protect them? They can avoid defining them as “mentally ill,” enlighten them about the true function of school mental health services, and thus shield them from their “care.” And they can continue to fulfill their responsibilities, as the parents of nearly grown-up children, to demonstrate their love by listening, advising, and supporting them in their struggle

[dalovelee1]

Angry Black Woman Syndrome. Resting Bitch Face. Stuck up. Stank ass hoe. Bougie THOT. These are terms commonly used to describe many sistahs with undiagnosed mental health needs. Angry. Aggressive. Violent. Low down dirty dog. Triffling ass ninja. Weak. These are terms used to describe brothas who may have a mental illness. Hyper. Bad ass. A lil special. These are the terms we use when we talk about our children with mental concerns.

We are quick to label unfamiliar or disturbing behavior in our community. It’s easy for us to isolate and dog-out people who can’t seem to control their actions. But why don’t we recognize when our loved ones need mental health treatment instead of abandonment? Why are we unnecessarily suffering instead of helping each other? Why do we deny that we face mental health challenges? The majority of black people I know refuse to acknowledge that mental conditions exist. That’s why the labels I just mentioned are so common. It’s time we acknowledge that mental health conditions exist in our homes and communities. Recognizing the impact of our mental health on our quality of life should motivate us to invest in our own wellness. Wellness is about our physical, mental and emotional health. There are two major mental illnesses that desperately need the black community’s attention: depression and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Depression is very common but even more commonly ignored. We think of it as an intense of feeling of sadness but it’s symptoms rarely manifest solely that way. Sometimes behavior is a result of the sadness felt. Exhaustion to the point of being “tired of being tired” is depression.  The statement is exemplary of people living in crisis-mode for too long. It’s burnout.

Self-isolation is also an indicator of depression, e.g., “no new friends, “keep my circle small.” This happens when we get hurt by others and don’t want to open ourselves to vulnerability again. Someone has violated our trust in the past and we don’t want to allow anyone to do that again. We find ourselves intentionally distancing ourselves from people.

Sad

Excited

Irritatede

Happy

Confused

I shouldn’t have to mention that depression shows up as promiscuity. Low self-esteem often compels us to be desired so we engage in high risk sexual behaviors to avoid feelings of loneliness. This applies to both men and women.  So does displaying excessive aggression. People who fight all the time, bullies, often use anger as a means to control others. This control gives them temporary relief and the depression returns, usually when the individual is alone. Aggression is also turned inward and we self-mutilate. This includes cutting and burning ourselves. This allows us to feel something after the depression has numbed us for so long.

I do want to note that depression can hurt, physically and mentally. Psychosomatic problems like stomach aches, neck cramps, back pains can be triggered or escalated by depression.  Depression can cripple us to the point that we neglect our hygiene, chores, parental responsibilities and basic needs.

Comfort food in the picture and every thang.

Another mental condition plaguing black people is post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). We think of veterans of war when PTSD is mentioned, but those of us living in our nation’s urban cities experience just as much trauma as our combat troops. Some places, like Chicago, Detroit, New Orleans may see more violence than some of our troops. It is all too likely that we will be the victim of or witness a violent crime such as an assault, rape, or robbery just because we live in “da hood”.  If not us directly, someone in all of our families and close friends are being br0utalized and murdered. Some of our loved ones are committing those atrocities. There’s no way we can avoid the effects of this vicarious trauma. Drug violence, gang violence, police shootings and situational incidents (e.g., drunken brawls, family violence, and domestic violence) plague the hood. The symptoms of PTSD often manifest in reciprocal violence, paranoia, reliving the violence, intense fear, and extreme distrust of other people. We become hypervigilant in our own homes. PTSD can cause severe personality changes at its worst.

Unfortunately, the climate of our country is making us increasingly vulnerable for mass violence. This results in mass depression, mass PTSD and other mental health disorders. People also go through life changes (loss of a loved one, loss of income, divorce, natural disaster, traumatic events) that affect our mental state. Traditionally, our community has turned turned to our closest friends and our faith to cope. While these methods are helpful, informal conversations and prayer is not mental health treatment.

Blogging and playing in my hair are two of my coping mechanisms.

When those traditional methods don’t work, we need to get a mental health checkup from a professional.  If you or someone you love is in need of mental health treatment, contact the Black Psychiatrists of America, Inc., the Association of Black Psychologists, or the National Association of Black Social Workers to learn about cognitive behavioral therapy, dialectical behavioral therapy and pharmacology (medication). Your insurance provider can direct you to local professionals who can provide affordable mental health services such as counseling (when you talk to somebody) or psychiatric treatment (where you are examined and may be prescribed medication). If you don’t have insurance, your local community health provider should be able to assist you. Usually, you have to meet with a counselor a few times before they refer you to a psychiatrist. If you do decide to seek professional treatment, here are some things to remember:

You have a right to request a provider that is the same race, sex, ethnicity, religion and sexual orientation as you. However, you should know that sometimes agencies don’t have the capacity to honor your request (nobody like that work there). Therefore, you should at least request a provider who is culturally competent. Your health, physical and mental, is your own. You chose how you want to deal with it. You decide what course of treatment is best for you. It is often helpful to have a family member or close friend on your treatment team in addition to the health care provider. They can support you in between appointments by helping you implement the new skills you are learning and manage medications if necessary. Regardless, you should be comfortable with every individual on your health care team.

Keep your appointments. If you can’t, reschedule or cancel within 24-hours. If transportation is a barrier, most health insurance plans offer transportation to medical and mental health appointments if you call in advance. Take advantage of that. If you miss too many appointments, they will discharge you or deny you access to specific services that would benefit you. That only means it will take longer for you to feel better.

Take your medication as prescribed. It’s helpful to have a pill box to organize you medicine by day and times of dosage. That way you will know if you took it or not. If you don’t like the effects of the medication (you’re loopy, drowsy, sleep too much, headaches, nausea) after about two weeks, contact the provider. They can adjust the dosage or prescribe something else. It may take a while to find the correct medications for you so don’t give up. Plus, some of those medications should not be stopped without medical supervision. The doctor needs to taper you off of it. People give up too often before they figure out what works best for them.

Taking care of your physical health is needed for optimal mental health. That means you need to eat nutritious food and exercise. You should see your primary physician often because certain medical conditions such as diabetes, anemia, and other chronic conditions can impact our moods and energy level. Learn about dopamine, a neurotransmitter in your brain. It regulates movement, emotions, and blood flow. It’s what makes mental health a medical condition.

If you know someone who cannot function on their own due to their mental health needs (they are suicidal or homicidal), consider filing a petition to have them committed. The individual will be required to complete a three day psychiatric evaluation and gain some coping skills upon discharge. Ignoring mental health needs contributes to the deterioration of the individual, their family and communities. Don’t dismiss people who are “crazy” or “just like that.” They shouldn’t be homeless, arrested or beaten because they cannot control their behavior. They have a mental condition and it can be managed. Call 1-800-273- TALK (8255) for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline if you or someone you know is thinking about committing suicide. Suicidal people often think that they’re relieving their loved ones of the agony of dealing with their mental condition. They do not recognize the eternal void that they leave for their loved ones or that they are giving up the chance to feel better in the future. Life is already too short to feel that way. That’s why  you have to look out for one another. Even if you don’t have a mental health disorder, being able to respond when you recognize the signs and symptoms can save a life.

What are you gonna do now? IJS

Visit my blog to read "Black Folks Need To Acknowledge that Mental Health Care Is Important" Angry Black Woman Syndrome. Resting Bitch Face. Stuck up. Stank ass hoe. Bougie THOT. These are terms commonly used to describe many sistahs with undiagnosed mental health needs.

[nbjackson]

Clips: Why Do We Hurt Each Other? (Pacific Standard, 2013.04.15)

Shortly after reports started coming out — from professional journalists and citizen reporters alike — that two explosions had gone off in downtown Boston this afternoon near the finish line of the Boston Marathon, the world’s oldest annual marathon and one of the most high-profile road-racing events anywhere in the world, my friend and former colleague, Max Fisher, now the foreign affairs blogger for The Washington Post, tweeted out a message from his sister, a runner, that got me thinking.

“I have been running long distance events for many years and every time I go by a crowd I get that thought, someone could hurt me right now, this is just such a vulnerable position,” she wrote.

I get that thought a lot.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a little frightened by dark streets or unfamiliar places. When my mother told me about the neighborhood friend of hers who had to hold an intruder — drunk and shirtless, he broke through her basement window in the middle of the night before ascending the stairs toward her bedroom — at gunpoint until the cops showed up, I added my own home, at least when empty except for myself, to the list of scary places. And even in broad daylight, at least since that time I was mugged on the streets of Washington, D.C., at 6 p.m. by three men, I’m not particularly fond of passing someone I don’t already know on the sidewalk.

Some might say I’m not a very trusting person. But you guys haven’t given me a lot of reason to be. We hurt each other, all the time. The biggest predator of humans? Other humans.

Since the explosions were first reported, I haven’t been able to turn myself away from Twitter. It’s important to remember, as Charlie Pierce was quick to point out, that “nobody knows anything yet.” (And credit to Jake Tapper for noting, on CNN, that initial reports are almost always wrong — or at least not fully right.) Small details are starting to be verified (or at least corroborated) as the afternoon wears on — a couple dead, spectators near the finish line giving up their belts to staunch the flow of blood from missing limbs, dozens injured, the first explosion was probably a small homemade bomb placed in a trash can — but I’m interested in the bigger details. The small details will get sorted out, as they always do; the sidewalks will be cleaned; and we will mourn, as we should.

But just as many hoped the Sandy Hook Elementary school shooting that left 26 dead in Newtown, Connecticut, would be a catalyst for a larger discussion about gun violence, I’m left sitting here wondering how things like this happen in the first place. (Citing a “special significance” to the fact that the number of people killed in Newtown matched the number of miles in a marathon, Boston Athletic Association president Joanne Flaminio announced last week that the city would honor the victims with a special mile marker — the city’s seal surrounded by 26 stars, one commemorating each life lost — at the end of the race’s 26th mile. Eight people from the community participated in the race, while a family from Newtown sat in the VIP section near the finish line. Reports say none were injured.)

Set aside the possibility of a police scan of every garbage can within a 10-mile radius of upcoming major events. Or the idea that we can put an end to violence by adding more metal detectors to the entrances of public buildings or scanners to our nation’s airports. (As far as I know, my muggers in D.C. didn’t have a knife or a gun, nothing that could have been taken or confiscated; a surprise attack and a couple of big boots to the back of the head is enough to convince just about anyone to give up his or her wallet.) We’re too often focused on technological solutions to stopping individual acts of crime, instead of attempting to identify — and fix — underlying societal problems. I want to know this: Why do we hurt each other?

It’s not a new question, of course. In fact, it’s a question with more answers to it than any other I can think of right now (though, admittedly, it’s hard to think of much else at the moment), a question that will be answered over and over again. It’s a question that experts across all disciplines in the social and behavioral sciences are studying — historians, criminologists, psychologists, and more — and we’ll continue to showcase their latest research and findings every day here at Pacific Standard as we seek to shed light on (and, when possible, propose solutions for) society’s biggest problems. And it’s a question that requires lots of answers, because, let’s not forget, all violence is not equal. Our courts make that clear. A violent action is the result of a complex cocktail of circumstances, and can be influenced by mental illness, drugs, feelings of revenge or retribution — or something else entirely.

Given all of that, physicists will probably reconcile quantum mechanics and general relativity long before social scientists are able to boil down the nature of violence into a couple of neat takeaways — but I thought I would try by starting with a quick survey of some of the things we know we know. Because today, I need some answers.

Alcohol and Violence

More than probably anything else, alcohol has been closely tied to violence. Not only are people who consume alcohol more likely to exhibit aggressive behavior, but people who are the victims of violence are more likely to consume alcohol in excessive amounts. That’s true, too, for children and young adults. A report released in the U.K. found that “around half of violent crimes [in 2004] were thought to be committed while under the influence,” according to The Guardian. And almost 25 percent of assaults took place in or close to bars and pubs.

Desensitization and Violence

Even if you’ve never fought in a war, you know the sound an automatic weapon makes. I suspect you would even be able to figure out how to load and shoot one if the need arose. Numerous studies — conducted by the Surgeon General, the American Psychological Association, and the National Institutes of Health, and most often cited by those making the case that violent video games are damaging our fragile children — have shown that a desensitization to violence (by the time a child in the United States reaches the age of 18, he or she will have witnessed 200,000 acts of violence on television or in the movies, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics) makes us perceive actual violence as more acceptable.

Detachment and Violence

We know this instinctively — perhaps because almost all of the recent media-covered perpetrators of violence (the James Holmeses and Adam Lanzas) fit the stereotype — but studies confirm that those who are marginalized or isolated or otherwise without strong social connections tend to be more violent. When we don’t share ties to others, we care less about their well-being. When we exist as part of a strong social network or community, aggressive thoughts and actions are reduced.

Genetics and Violence

Several studies have tied biological factors to aggressive behavior. A team at the University of North Carolina made headlines back in 2008 when their research found that people with a specific variation of the MAOA gene were far more likely than others to participate in criminal activity. “I don’t want to say it is a crime gene, but one percent of people have it and scored very high in violence and delinquency,” Guang Guo, the sociology professor who led the study, told Reuters. Guo was hesitant to call it a crime gene, because it’s generally understood that neither biological or sociological factors alone can be directly linked to aggressive behavior.

I can go on. There are a lot of studies about the psychology of violence, all of them attempting to push our understanding forward just a little bit further. But no matter how many of them I’ve read — both prior to this afternoon and since the bombing — I keep coming away with the same old adage, a line that has been widely adopted, it seems, by the family therapy crowd: Hurt people hurt people. And any feeling that is felt strongly enough will find a way to be shared — whether we want it to be or not.

It seems too simple — and it is. But for right now, that’s all I need.

The note that Max Fisher posted by his sister, the runner? It ends like this: “Then you remember that marathons are a time of unity and celebration and no one would do that. I have five friends running the Boston right now. I hate having to text them anything but congratulations.”

[dalovelee1]

Angry Black Woman Syndrome. Resting Bitch Face. Stuck up. Stank ass hoe. Bougie THOT. These are terms commonly used to describe many sistahs with undiagnosed mental health needs. Angry. Aggressive. Violent. Low down dirty dog. Triffling ass ninja. Weak. These are terms used to describe brothas who may have a mental illness. Hyper. Bad ass. A lil special. These are the terms we use when we talk about our children with mental concerns.

We are quick to label unfamiliar or disturbing behavior in our community. It’s easy for us to isolate and dog-out people who can’t seem to control their actions. But why don’t we recognize when our loved ones need mental health treatment instead of abandonment? Why are we unnecessarily suffering instead of helping each other? Why do we deny that we face mental health challenges? The majority of black people I know refuse to acknowledge that mental conditions exist. That’s why the labels I just mentioned are so common. It’s time we acknowledge that mental health conditions exist in our homes and communities. Recognizing the impact of our mental health on our quality of life should motivate us to invest in our own wellness. Wellness is about our physical, mental and emotional health. There are two major mental illnesses that desperately need the black community’s attention: depression and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Depression is very common but even more commonly ignored. We think of it as an intense of feeling of sadness but it’s symptoms rarely manifest solely that way. Sometimes behavior is a result of the sadness felt. Exhaustion to the point of being “tired of being tired” is depression.  The statement is exemplary of people living in crisis-mode for too long. It’s burnout.

Self-isolation is also an indicator of depression, e.g., “no new friends, “keep my circle small.” This happens when we get hurt by others and don’t want to open ourselves to vulnerability again. Someone has violated our trust in the past and we don’t want to allow anyone to do that again. We find ourselves intentionally distancing ourselves from people.

Sad

Excited

Irritatede

Happy

Confused

I shouldn’t have to mention that depression shows up as promiscuity. Low self-esteem often compels us to be desired so we engage in high risk sexual behaviors to avoid feelings of loneliness. This applies to both men and women.  So does displaying excessive aggression. People who fight all the time, bullies, often use anger as a means to control others. This control gives them temporary relief and the depression returns, usually when the individual is alone. Aggression is also turned inward and we self-mutilate. This includes cutting and burning ourselves. This allows us to feel something after the depression has numbed us for so long.

I do want to note that depression can hurt, physically and mentally. Psychosomatic problems like stomach aches, neck cramps, back pains can be triggered or escalated by depression.  Depression can cripple us to the point that we neglect our hygiene, chores, parental responsibilities and basic needs.

Comfort food in the picture and every thang.

Another mental condition plaguing black people is post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). We think of veterans of war when PTSD is mentioned, but those of us living in our nation’s urban cities experience just as much trauma as our combat troops. Some places, like Chicago, Detroit, New Orleans may see more violence than some of our troops. It is all too likely that we will be the victim of or witness a violent crime such as an assault, rape, or robbery just because we live in “da hood”.  If not us directly, someone in all of our families and close friends are being br0utalized and murdered. Some of our loved ones are committing those atrocities. There’s no way we can avoid the effects of this vicarious trauma. Drug violence, gang violence, police shootings and situational incidents (e.g., drunken brawls, family violence, and domestic violence) plague the hood. The symptoms of PTSD often manifest in reciprocal violence, paranoia, reliving the violence, intense fear, and extreme distrust of other people. We become hypervigilant in our own homes. PTSD can cause severe personality changes at its worst.

Unfortunately, the climate of our country is making us increasingly vulnerable for mass violence. This results in mass depression, mass PTSD and other mental health disorders. People also go through life changes (loss of a loved one, loss of income, divorce, natural disaster, traumatic events) that affect our mental state. Traditionally, our community has turned turned to our closest friends and our faith to cope. While these methods are helpful, informal conversations and prayer is not mental health treatment.

Blogging and playing in my hair are two of my coping mechanisms.

When those traditional methods don’t work, we need to get a mental health checkup from a professional.  If you or someone you love is in need of mental health treatment, contact the Black Psychiatrists of America, Inc., the Association of Black Psychologists, or the National Association of Black Social Workers to learn about cognitive behavioral therapy, dialectical behavioral therapy and pharmacology (medication). Your insurance provider can direct you to local professionals who can provide affordable mental health services such as counseling (when you talk to somebody) or psychiatric treatment (where you are examined and may be prescribed medication). If you don’t have insurance, your local community health provider should be able to assist you. Usually, you have to meet with a counselor a few times before they refer you to a psychiatrist. If you do decide to seek professional treatment, here are some things to remember:

You have a right to request a provider that is the same race, sex, ethnicity, religion and sexual orientation as you. However, you should know that sometimes agencies don’t have the capacity to honor your request (nobody like that work there). Therefore, you should at least request a provider who is culturally competent. Your health, physical and mental, is your own. You chose how you want to deal with it. You decide what course of treatment is best for you. It is often helpful to have a family member or close friend on your treatment team in addition to the health care provider. They can support you in between appointments by helping you implement the new skills you are learning and manage medications if necessary. Regardless, you should be comfortable with every individual on your health care team.

Keep your appointments. If you can’t, reschedule or cancel within 24-hours. If transportation is a barrier, most health insurance plans offer transportation to medical and mental health appointments if you call in advance. Take advantage of that. If you miss too many appointments, they will discharge you or deny you access to specific services that would benefit you. That only means it will take longer for you to feel better.

Take your medication as prescribed. It’s helpful to have a pill box to organize you medicine by day and times of dosage. That way you will know if you took it or not. If you don’t like the effects of the medication (you’re loopy, drowsy, sleep too much, headaches, nausea) after about two weeks, contact the provider. They can adjust the dosage or prescribe something else. It may take a while to find the correct medications for you so don’t give up. Plus, some of those medications should not be stopped without medical supervision. The doctor needs to taper you off of it. People give up too often before they figure out what works best for them.

Taking care of your physical health is needed for optimal mental health. That means you need to eat nutritious food and exercise. You should see your primary physician often because certain medical conditions such as diabetes, anemia, and other chronic conditions can impact our moods and energy level. Learn about dopamine, a neurotransmitter in your brain. It regulates movement, emotions, and blood flow. It’s what makes mental health a medical condition.

If you know someone who cannot function on their own due to their mental health needs (they are suicidal or homicidal), consider filing a petition to have them committed. The individual will be required to complete a three day psychiatric evaluation and gain some coping skills upon discharge. Ignoring mental health needs contributes to the deterioration of the individual, their family and communities. Don’t dismiss people who are “crazy” or “just like that.” They shouldn’t be homeless, arrested or beaten because they cannot control their behavior. They have a mental condition and it can be managed. Call 1-800-273- TALK (8255) for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline if you or someone you know is thinking about committing suicide. Suicidal people often think that they’re relieving their loved ones of the agony of dealing with their mental condition. They do not recognize the eternal void that they leave for their loved ones or that they are giving up the chance to feel better in the future. Life is already too short to feel that way. That’s why  you have to look out for one another. Even if you don’t have a mental health disorder, being able to respond when you recognize the signs and symptoms can save a life.

What are you gonna do now? IJS

Black Folks Need To Acknowledge that Mental Health Care Is Important Angry Black Woman Syndrome. Resting Bitch Face. Stuck up. Stank ass hoe. Bougie THOT. These are terms commonly used to describe many sistahs with undiagnosed mental health needs.

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Angry Black Woman Syndrome. Resting Bitch Face. Stuck up. Stank ass hoe. Bougie THOT. These are terms commonly used to describe many sistahs with undiagnosed mental health needs. Angry. Aggressive. Violent. Low down dirty dog. Triffling ass ninja. Weak. These are terms used to describe brothas who may have a mental illness. Hyper. Bad ass. A lil special. These are the terms we use when we talk about our children with mental concerns.

We are quick to label unfamiliar or disturbing behavior in our community. It’s easy for us to isolate and dog-out people who can’t seem to control their actions. But why don’t we recognize when our loved ones need mental health treatment instead of abandonment? Why are we unnecessarily suffering instead of helping each other? Why do we deny that we face mental health challenges? The majority of black people I know refuse to acknowledge that mental conditions exist. That’s why the labels I just mentioned are so common. It’s time we acknowledge that mental health conditions exist in our homes and communities. Recognizing the impact of our mental health on our quality of life should motivate us to invest in our own wellness. Wellness is about our physical, mental and emotional health. There are two major mental illnesses that desperately need the black community’s attention: depression and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Depression is very common but even more commonly ignored. We think of it as an intense of feeling of sadness but it’s symptoms rarely manifest solely that way. Sometimes behavior is a result of the sadness felt. Exhaustion to the point of being “tired of being tired” is depression.  The statement is exemplary of people living in crisis-mode for too long. It’s burnout.

Self-isolation is also an indicator of depression, e.g., “no new friends, “keep my circle small.” This happens when we get hurt by others and don’t want to open ourselves to vulnerability again. Someone has violated our trust in the past and we don’t want to allow anyone to do that again. We find ourselves intentionally distancing ourselves from people.

Sad

Excited

Irritatede

Happy

Confused

I shouldn’t have to mention that depression shows up as promiscuity. Low self-esteem often compels us to be desired so we engage in high risk sexual behaviors to avoid feelings of loneliness. This applies to both men and women.  So does displaying excessive aggression. People who fight all the time, bullies, often use anger as a means to control others. This control gives them temporary relief and the depression returns, usually when the individual is alone. Aggression is also turned inward and we self-mutilate. This includes cutting and burning ourselves. This allows us to feel something after the depression has numbed us for so long.

I do want to note that depression can hurt, physically and mentally. Psychosomatic problems like stomach aches, neck cramps, back pains can be triggered or escalated by depression.  Depression can cripple us to the point that we neglect our hygiene, chores, parental responsibilities and basic needs.

Comfort food in the picture and every thang.

Another mental condition plaguing black people is post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). We think of veterans of war when PTSD is mentioned, but those of us living in our nation’s urban cities experience just as much trauma as our combat troops. Some places, like Chicago, Detroit, New Orleans may see more violence than some of our troops. It is all too likely that we will be the victim of or witness a violent crime such as an assault, rape, or robbery just because we live in “da hood”.  If not us directly, someone in all of our families and close friends are being br0utalized and murdered. Some of our loved ones are committing those atrocities. There’s no way we can avoid the effects of this vicarious trauma. Drug violence, gang violence, police shootings and situational incidents (e.g., drunken brawls, family violence, and domestic violence) plague the hood. The symptoms of PTSD often manifest in reciprocal violence, paranoia, reliving the violence, intense fear, and extreme distrust of other people. We become hypervigilant in our own homes. PTSD can cause severe personality changes at its worst.

Unfortunately, the climate of our country is making us increasingly vulnerable for mass violence. This results in mass depression, mass PTSD and other mental health disorders. People also go through life changes (loss of a loved one, loss of income, divorce, natural disaster, traumatic events) that affect our mental state. Traditionally, our community has turned turned to our closest friends and our faith to cope. While these methods are helpful, informal conversations and prayer is not mental health treatment.

Blogging and playing in my hair are two of my coping mechanisms.

When those traditional methods don’t work, we need to get a mental health checkup from a professional.  If you or someone you love is in need of mental health treatment, contact the Black Psychiatrists of America, Inc., the Association of Black Psychologists, or the National Association of Black Social Workers to learn about cognitive behavioral therapy, dialectical behavioral therapy and pharmacology (medication). Your insurance provider can direct you to local professionals who can provide affordable mental health services such as counseling (when you talk to somebody) or psychiatric treatment (where you are examined and may be prescribed medication). If you don’t have insurance, your local community health provider should be able to assist you. Usually, you have to meet with a counselor a few times before they refer you to a psychiatrist. If you do decide to seek professional treatment, here are some things to remember:

You have a right to request a provider that is the same race, sex, ethnicity, religion and sexual orientation as you. However, you should know that sometimes agencies don’t have the capacity to honor your request (nobody like that work there). Therefore, you should at least request a provider who is culturally competent. Your health, physical and mental, is your own. You chose how you want to deal with it. You decide what course of treatment is best for you. It is often helpful to have a family member or close friend on your treatment team in addition to the health care provider. They can support you in between appointments by helping you implement the new skills you are learning and manage medications if necessary. Regardless, you should be comfortable with every individual on your health care team.

Keep your appointments. If you can’t, reschedule or cancel within 24-hours. If transportation is a barrier, most health insurance plans offer transportation to medical and mental health appointments if you call in advance. Take advantage of that. If you miss too many appointments, they will discharge you or deny you access to specific services that would benefit you. That only means it will take longer for you to feel better.

Take your medication as prescribed. It’s helpful to have a pill box to organize you medicine by day and times of dosage. That way you will know if you took it or not. If you don’t like the effects of the medication (you’re loopy, drowsy, sleep too much, headaches, nausea) after about two weeks, contact the provider. They can adjust the dosage or prescribe something else. It may take a while to find the correct medications for you so don’t give up. Plus, some of those medications should not be stopped without medical supervision. The doctor needs to taper you off of it. People give up too often before they figure out what works best for them.

Taking care of your physical health is needed for optimal mental health. That means you need to eat nutritious food and exercise. You should see your primary physician often because certain medical conditions such as diabetes, anemia, and other chronic conditions can impact our moods and energy level. Learn about dopamine, a neurotransmitter in your brain. It regulates movement, emotions, and blood flow. It’s what makes mental health a medical condition.

If you know someone who cannot function on their own due to their mental health needs (they are suicidal or homicidal), consider filing a petition to have them committed. The individual will be required to complete a three day psychiatric evaluation and gain some coping skills upon discharge. Ignoring mental health needs contributes to the deterioration of the individual, their family and communities. Don’t dismiss people who are “crazy” or “just like that.” They shouldn’t be homeless, arrested or beaten because they cannot control their behavior. They have a mental condition and it can be managed. Call 1-800-273- TALK (8255) for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline if you or someone you know is thinking about committing suicide. Suicidal people often think that they’re relieving their loved ones of the agony of dealing with their mental condition. They do not recognize the eternal void that they leave for their loved ones or that they are giving up the chance to feel better in the future. Life is already too short to feel that way. That’s why  you have to look out for one another. Even if you don’t have a mental health disorder, being able to respond when you recognize the signs and symptoms can save a life.

What are you gonna do now? IJS

Black Folks Need To Acknowledge that Mental Health Care Is Important Angry Black Woman Syndrome. Resting Bitch Face. Stuck up. Stank ass hoe. Bougie THOT. These are terms commonly used to describe many sistahs with undiagnosed mental health needs.