#i need more music like this..i need more woman anguish

[lunadivino]

Who up listening to peak woman anguish

[peoniesnro]

Closure | One shot

Synopsis - You first crossed paths with him at a club, where he fucked you on the hood of a stranger’s car. The second time, Taehyung found you at the house of the girl he was seeing, and you let him take you in your shared bathroom, the lock barely holding. He became your anchor, and you became his sun and moon. Now, all you want is one more chance—to tell each other ‘I love you’.

Paring- Kim Taehyung × Reader

Genre - Well, I have no idea which genre this falls into.

Warnings - Public sex/ semi public sex/ grinding/ breast play/ nipple play/ unprotected sex(this is a fic)/penetrative sex/word 'slut' and 'whore'/ oral(male recieving)/ fingering/ handjob/ shower sex/ orgasm denials/edging/implied bondage/alcohol consumption/ smoking/ angst/ I don't know what else but huge SMUT warning and MDNI.

Word count - 11k

a/n - Well well, while I was peacefully raising my first born (In Another Universe), I got distracted by this song (Sweet music) and Kim Taehyung. So, I gave birth to this. Hope you'll enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s really bad when the whole world revolves around one person. When that one person is gone. The whole world crumbles. That’s what happened to Taehyung. His whole world fell down. Crumbled. Crushed. And he became a shell. Empty.

A soulless creature who wanders the earth. Nothing made him happy. Nothing made him laugh. Nothing gave his vacant eyes life. There was a time he wanted nothing but to be gone. It was his friends who kept him alive. They hold on to him. With an invisible string tied onto their hands. A single tug on that string, they came crashing like a storm. Even though that tug was barely there. Never allowed those unshed tears to consume Taehyung up. Made sure he is breathing. Sleeping. And everything in between. Taehyung became nothing but a burden on his friends’ shoulders.

He wanted to be something else, to be honest. Something else that wasn’t a soul-withered husk. Wanted the hollow feeling inside him to vanish. Wanted to feel something. Something other than the pain. Wanted to laugh. At least smile. Manage his life like a normal person would. Do something other than emptying bottle after bottle of alcohol. Feel his heart beats. But everything seemed impossible in his eyes. He would never be happy again. Never laugh again. He would always be the hollow shadow. Hiding from the world. Hiding from that ray of sunshine.

That’s what he thought. At least until this moment. The moment when he is lying in a stranger’s bed. In the darkness. Listening to water running. Imagining her under the shower. In this moment, he can feel his heart beats. Madly. Violently. He can feel him breathing peacefully. Brain quiet. Blissful. Basking in the aftermath of a good orgasm. He feels alive. For the first time in a year and a half. He feels alive.

.....................................

Sometimes, just sometimes, despite everything, Taehyung hates his friends. Like he hated Jungkook when he asked him to go out earlier tonight. He hated him for making him do something he didn’t want. For not letting him drown in his anguish. He simply wasn’t feeling it. To be in a crowded club. To buy drinks for a nameless woman he would meet. Get drunk with them. Dance while groping their slender curves. Only to feel nothing. Get high. To a point he would not remember his own name and end up sleeping with that woman. Regret everything in the following morning. Drown in guilt. He wasn’t feeling it. But Jungkook and Jimin always find their way.

“She’s fucking gone, Taehyung. Fucking gone. You need to move the fuck on.”

Taehyung hated Jungkook for saying that. Because in his mind, that wasn’t true.

“It’s been more than a year, Kim Taehyung. How are you still in denial. You’re going out tonight. It’s better to get wasted together than alone.”

Taehyung hated Jimin for saying that out loud. It can’t be that long.

In the end, somehow, they won. Taehyung found himself on one of the bar stools. Lost in a fog. No jokes, no laughter, reached his ears. He intended to keep it that way. Just listen to his friends laugh. Ignore their desperate attempts to make him laugh. Until the barman will ask them to move away. Stop crowding the bar. He didn’t intend to, however, turn around before barman asked them to do so. Didn’t expect to bump into someone. On top of everything, he certainly didn’t expect that someone on his way to change something in him. Change things for a third time. In a club. As before, in bygone echoes.

The moment her drink splashed on his shirt; Taehyung felt his heart beats. As if it was the first beat of a heart. The moment her panicked, doe eyes locked in his eyes, Taehyung felt his lung deflate. The pressure on them was gone. The moment she started apologising over and over again, Taehyung felt his entire body calm down. The pain subsided. The moment when she tried to wipe his wet shirt. The moment she touched him, Taehyung felt everything he had been wanting to feel. The electrifying, burning sensation. The sensation that made his head spin and breath hitch. But what sealed the deal was her words.

“I’m really sorry, sailor. Wasn’t looking where I was going.”

That’s exactly how you said it.

“Whatever you wish to buy me, sailor.”

.....................................

You stood in a crowded club. In a dark secluded corner. Watching two people on the dance floor. Drunk. High. Dancing. Grinding. You knew how this one would end. Had seen how each and every club session ended. In a bed with different woman each time. You wanted to stop him all those times. You couldn’t. No matter how hard you tried. So, you learned to move on with that. This day, however, when you watched Taehyung’s hand sneak under her crop top. Watched his lips pepper kisses on her neck, jaw and every inch of skin he could find. Watched his eyes getting darker and more hooded. You knew something was changed. Something was different.

You know it has changed.

.....................................

Now

All those time Taehyung ended up on some random woman’s bed, he regretted it immediately. In the very moment his high faded, he regretted everything. Made sure he disappear into his miserable life the as soon as he could. This day though, he isn’t regretting anything. He didn’t run away, and he doesn’t plan to. He is waiting patiently for her to join him again. Maybe it’s bad. Maybe he is wrong. He is doing something wrong, isn’t he?

He feels guilty to a certain extent. But this time it’s not entirely towards you. It’s partially toward her. Because despite everything, it’s the memory of you that made him follow her. She is not like you. Not completely at least. But it’s the same kind of aura. The kind of aura that made him follow. You and she both are like magnets. Magnets that pulled him. Like he was spell bounded. Made his heart skip beats. She made him lose himself in a reverie. Made him travel through time. To a day he felt same kind of spell bound sensation.

To the day he met you on a crowded club.

.....................................

Six years ago

Taehyung had never felt such kind of feeling. A feeling of content simply by looking at someone. He felt satisfied. It was as though his heart found a place to rest. Every moment stretched. The world blurred around him. You hadn’t even noticed him. Were just enjoying your company on a booth. You weren’t drunk. Taehyung could tell that you weren’t. Just tipsy. Tipsy enough to laugh loudly for whatever your friends said, which was probably not that funny.

Subjects involving women were never a problem for him. But that day, he almost didn’t make his move. If it wasn’t for Jimin and Jungkook, he would have never talked to you. It was a gentle push on his back that made him approach you. With clammy hands and a pounding heart. He was nervous. So nervous that his stomach hurt. Yet, the moment you caught him approaching. In the moment you smiled. A stellar collision occurred. Oh, how sweet your smile was. How he thought you were the type to be timid and innocent. He read you completely wrong. And he loved the surprise. Loved when you turned out be a vixen. His vixen.

Of course, he ended up buying you a ‘Sex on the Beach’, when you asked him to buy whatever he wanted. And you didn’t like it.

“Let me guess, you’ve never had to try now, have you?”

“Oh, no. I’ve had to try pretty hard sometimes. Can I buy you something else?”

“Nah, this is fine.”

When you said yes to dance. On the crowded dance floor, your body pressed against his, Taehyung was in a bliss. Every single movement of your body. Every time you brushed against him. He felt his blood boil. Rushing southward. Making his mouth dry. Heart hammering inside his ribcage. And you knew what you were doing. You knew you had him wrapped around your pinkie finger. You knew his brain is short-circuiting when you pressed your tits on to him. Hands curling around his neck. Mouth hovering over his. Breath mingling. He smelled the alcohol on you. It was intoxicating. The way your breasts peeked through your low neckline. The way they were pressing onto his chest was captivating. Made his dick twitch. Painful. And you allowed him to do whatever he wanted. Just stared into his eyes when he grabbed you by your hips. Pressed you onto his throbbing dick. You sighed blissfully. Almost like a moan. And Taehyung nearly came in his pants. You moved your body against him. Pressed your tummy onto his hardened member. Almost pressed your lips into his. And then pulled away. Smirked.

“Life isn’t this easy. You should try harder sailor.”

.....................................

Six years ago

When that awfully good-looking man approached you, you never in a million years thought you would seal the your fate with him. He looked the type to be able to make you cum more than once for the night. And disappear right afterward. And you were fine with it. Just wanted to get laid, and he was the catch of the night.

You had your ways with men. Rules you made for yourself. To maintain a sense of power on your mind. To not let men have you used, and left unsatisfied, not being able to cum at least for once. Rules for one-night stands.

Rule one: you always made them desperate. Men are easy. You don’t have to try hard. Just having pair of tits are enough. Taehyung seemed to be the same kind of man to go on his knees for a peek of your tits. Oh, how wrong you were. The moment you turned around, you expected him to follow you. That’s how the horny men you met in clubs acted. Desperate.

He didn’t. Neither followed you nor approached you again. You regretted it. Regretted not going with the flow and let him have his way with you. Kept sneaking glances toward him. And he took his sweet time. Enough time for you to down three more drinks. Enough time for you to reluctantly agree to joined someone else on the dance floor.

That’s when he nearly made the chairs fly in the air. Stormed to you. Grabbed you by the wrist. Pressed his lips to yours. Nothing was said. No questions were asked. Just came and kissed you. Hard. Bit into your lower lip. Made you moan. Took his chance by sneaking his tongue into your mouth. And you moaned again. Your own rules started to crumble. You kissed him back. Lapped your tongue against his. Ignored your friends’ incredulous looks. Ignored the betrayed look on your supposed one-night stand’s. Just allowed Taehyung to guide you back to the dance floor while still kissing you. You decided you won’t pull away until he did. Not even if you fell dead without being able to breathe. Fortunately, he did pull away. You didn’t die.

Pressed his forehead to yours. Breathing rapid. Snaked his hands around your waist. Pulled you onto him.

“Don’t play.”

“I wasn’t playing.”

“You can’t make me rock hard and walk away. And find another man.”

“I didn’t do anything to make you hard, Taehyung.”

“You exist.”

You lied. You did everything to make him hard. Played well to make him desperate. Even though it was subtle. Was so happy he came back. Your rules had been thrown out the window long ago. He made your heartbeat stop just with his words. Made your cunt drip by just kissing. But where’s the fun when you just give in? Were just curious to know his limits. It was fun teasing.

“Sorry I did that. Look like I must apologise.”

Pressed your palm onto his toned chest. Pushed him slightly away. Let your hand wander down. Through his toned chest and abs. Felt how he tightened his muscles under your touch. Stopped right at his belt. Watched his breath hitch. Anticipation firing in his eyes. You smiled wickedly at that. Let your hand go even further down, caressing -or rather grazing- his clothed cock with the back of your hand. Taehyung groaned. Grunted. Bucked his hips into your hand. Oh, he was desperate. Just had good restraint. You had good restraint too. You hoped to keep playing the game. Taehyung didn’t. Maybe he didn’t have good restraint. Before you knew it, he had turned you around. Your back against his chest. Groaned again. This time in your ear. And your walls crumbled, completely. You willingly handed the power over to him.

“Don’t play. I’m so fucking hard it hurts.”

“Yeah? What should I do about it?.”

“You little vixen. I asked you not to play.”

“I am most definitely not playing Kim Taehyung. What should I do about it?”

He never answered that question. Just dragged you away from the dance floor all of a sudden. You let him. It was you who were waiting in anticipation then. Couldn’t help the sly smile on your face. He was hard to read. He appeared to be nervous. Timid. Subby. But he was manhandling you. And you were allowing it. Allowing him to drag you to a booth. Not private. Just empty. As luck would have it, it was empty. Sat back while pulling you to straddle him. You had no idea what he was playing at. You’d done some exciting shits, from fucking in a bathroom stall to car sex. Public sex? You hadn’t. And you didn’t know if you liked it or not. Made you nervous.

“We are in public, Taehyung.”

“I know.”

“You know? What are you trying to...”

“You asked me what you should do about it? This.”

He placed his hands under your knees. Pulled. Made you properly sit on his lap. Your already soaked cunt, pressed right against his rock-hard dick. Grabbed from your hips and pressed you further down. Down onto his dick. You both moaned. But you moaned a little harder. Your skirt ridden up. Flimsy material of your lacy panties bushing against your soaked folds and his pants. You wanted them to be gone. Both your panties and his pants.

“Grind.”

“What?”

“You heard me. Grind on me.”

“But we are in public.”

“Don’t care vixen. You asked me what you should do- well, it’s your fault I’m painfully hard. So do something about it. Grind. Like a bitch in heat hm? Be good?”

Oh, how the man who practically stuttered when he first reached you has changed. You loved it. Who needs power after all? You had read him wrong. He wasn’t the type to be subby. He wasn’t going to play your game. You had two options. Either to back away or let him have his way. You simply chose the latter. You didn’t need power. Nodded. Started slowly moving your hips. Careful experimental rubs at first. He encouraged you. Bucked his hips upwards. Into your soaked cunt. Moaned. And the world around you disappeared. It was him who left on your world. Him only.

“Fuck like that. Keep going.”

“Wha.... What if someone sees us.”

“Let them. Let’s give them a show. Hm?”

Your blood was boiling. Cunt dripping. For the first time in your life, you allowed a man to play you. Like the way he wanted. And it was exhilarating. To let him handle you. Do things to you. Stopped trying to be smug and cocky. Became pliant. Found out that you like the idea of being seen. Moaned shamelessly to his words. He smirked. Bucked his hips more into you. Controlled your movements with his hands on your hips. And you did as he asked. Grind on him like a bitch in heat. Taehyung glanced towards where your cunt was dripping onto him. Moaned.

“Fuck baby... Like that... keep going. Look how you’re dripping. Make a mess baby. “

“I... I nee... need more.”

“Yeah? You need more? I’ll give you more. Just keep going huh? Be a good slut for me.”

You listened to a man for the first time in your life. Quickened your movements. Followed his gaze. Watched how you were staining on his pants. Made your head spin. Grabbed onto his shoulders for leverage. Pushed your cunt harder on him. Felt the knot on your tummy tightened. Couldn’t care anymore about being on public. Of someone catching you. It was so good. Not enough but so good. Taehyung looked into your eyes. His eyes were blown out with lust. Pressed a kiss on to your lips before removing his hands from your hips. Only to snaked it between your bodies and pressed two fingers on your clit. Over your panties. Started rubbing your clit softly.

“Shit you are so fucking hot. So fucking hot dripping on to me. On a club full of people. So hot rubbing your cute cunt on a stranger. Keep going princess...”

You nearly cried. The knot tightened and tightened. Kept grinding. Felt dizzy. Your cunt on fire. And right at the moment that knot was about to explode Taehyung’s hand left your sopping cunt. Grabbed onto your hips back and stilled you. Pressed you hard down. You whined so loud. Loud enough that you were sure so many people looked at you. It was intense how he robbed you of that orgasm. Intense enough that your thighs trembled.

“No.... I was... So.. so close.”

“I know”

“Why did you do that then?”

“Don’t want this to end. Want to keep you dripping for me as long as I can.”

A shiver ran through your spine. You stared into his eyes. They were beautiful, blown out with lust. Had no idea what came over you when you started kissing him madly. Pressing your lips into his harder. Sucking on his bottom lip and then on his tongue. Taehyung just let you had it. Encouraged you with moans and groans. Started bucking his hips again onto your sensitive pussy. In a minute you were back to grinding. Kissing. Staring into his deep dark eyes. His hands were everywhere. On your hips. Thighs. Back. Ass. And on your boobs. He squeezed them, hard enough you cried out. Circled your nipples through the dress.

“Can I pull this down. Wanna see your pretty tits.”

“Fuck Taehyung. What if....”

“No one’s looking. Please. Please fuck.”

He didn’t wait for your yes. Not that you planned to say no. He was irresistible. So, all you did was moan when he swiftly pulled your dress down with your lacy bra. Making your tits bounce in the air.

“Holy fuck. Fuck, you’re beautiful.”

Closed his eyes and groaned. Opened them again. A fire burning in them. It was the most hottest sight, the way he licked his lips before wrapping those wet lips around one of your nipples. Slapped the other tit. Made it bounce. Did it again, and then again and again. All while sucking on your other nipple hard. Teeth grazing. You were a crying mess. There were no restraints left in you. People could see you. Your naked chest, bouncing under his little slaps. You couldn’t care, however. Not when his hot tongue was swirling around your hardened buds. Not when his lips were sucking on your nipples like his life depended on it. Like you were his source of life. Not when he kept his eyes on your face all the time. He popped your nipple out of his mouth and put the other one in his mouth. Did the same thing to the free one. Made it bounce. Pulled away. Kissed your nipples like he was gone mad. Squeezed them together. Buried his face between them. Groaned into your skin. That made your hips rolled faster, bringing you to the edge again.

“I’m gonna cum. Taehyung I... I... please I need to cum.’

For the first time in your life, you asked permission before cumming. Begged from a man for your release. Good thing was that you loved every moment of it. And he stilled you again. You were devastated. Didn’t even realize you let the tears gathered on your eyes to rolled down. Wetting your cheeks. Taehyung watched you shatter. Hitched your bodice up again, covering your assaulted tits. Pressed his lips on to your collar bones. Peppered you with kisses. Patted your ass.

“C’mon move baby.”

“Where? Where are we going?”

“To make you cum. Want you to cum on my cock. As much as I love having you rub on me like a needy slut. I want to feel your cunt around me. And as much as I love giving people a show, you’re too pretty to be shown.”

Both of your intended destination was a bathroom stall. It was occupied with a long queue of patrons. No fucks were allowed there. And it felt like the end of the world for you. Never have been that turned on in your life. Taehyung was something else.

Fortunately, Taehyung looked like his world ended that moment too. Pressed few kisses to your lips needily before suggesting, leaving the club. That was the fastest yes you gave someone. Didn’t know where you were about to go when you exited the club. Not being able to take two steps without kissing. Didn’t know how your back ended up pressing against a car door. Kissing like it was the last time you would get to kiss someone. Just a mess of tongue and teeth. You were the first to pulled away first with a pop. Him chasing your mouth. Trail of saliva connecting your still wet lips.

“Shit I can’t wait anymore Taehyung. I fucking can’t.”

“Fuck don’t say that. I’ll fuck you here.”

“Then you should.”

You may have given the controller to him willingly. Still, you had some tricks to play the game, hidden up your sleeves. You pulled one of them. Hiked your dress up and pushed your panties aside. Kept staring into his lust-filled eyes. Circled your clit for a second before plunged two fingers inside your quivering, needy hole. Moaned intentionally loudly, making him curse. Pulled your fingers back and held them in front of his eyes, glistening with your arousal.

“See… so fucking wet. I’m dripping.”

“Shit! You needy slut.”

Taehyung grabbed your wrist. Pressed his entire body into yours and caged you between his radiant form and the car. Brought your fingers to his mouth. Wrapped his lips around your fingers. You didn’t know who moaned louder. You were uncontrollably rubbing your thighs together. Taehyung sucked your fingers clean. Let your hand go and cupped your cheeks with one of his hands. Kissed you again, generously allowing you to taste how sweet you were. Pulled away.

“You want to get fuck here? Out in the open? Are you sure?”

“Yes. Never been so sure Taehyung.”

“What my slut wants, she gets.”

It was only a surprised yelp that escaped your mouth when he yanked your figure on to the hood of that car. Hoisted you up on the hood. Buried his face on your neck. Peppering wet kissed across your honeyed skin. Tongue poking out. Teeth grazing. Sucking and indefinitely giving you some purple marks. Made your toes curl and cunt clenched.

“This isn’t your car, is it Taehyung?”

“No… No, fuck. I don’t know whose car this is. Do you care? Do we have to wait.”

“No no no. I don’t care. Keep going please.”

You wrapped your legs around his waist, bringing him impossibly close. Taehyung chuckled. Darkly. Peck your lips.

“You really are a slut. Aren’t you baby. A needy slut?”

Mumbled. You didn’t answer that question. Only got to nod your head when he slipped his hand inside your already ridden up dress. Hooked his finger on your panties to push it aside. Grazed his fingers over your slicked slit. Made electric sensations run through your body. Kept looking at your fucked-up face when two of his slender fingers teased your hole. For a moment. And then he was pushing past your entrance, in a one swift go. A strangled cry left your throat, your own hand grabbing from his wrist. Your needy hole sucking up his fingers greedily. Started pumping those slender fingers into you without warning. Curled them a bit. You were beyond surprised that he hit the spot right there. He smirked when you reeled at his fingers. Added another. Stretched you wide.

“Fuck baby. You’re wet. So fucking wet. And tight. You gonna fucking kill me. You know. Fuck my fucking dick hurts.”

His voice was shaky when he mumbled against your lips. Hips bucking into your thigh for some kind of friction. That was your sign to do something about his pain. Felt bad that you were selfish. Flew toward his belt and unbuckled it in record time. Did the same with his fly. Slipped your hand inside his boxers, feeling his raging hard for the first time. His dick twitched when your fingers lightly grazed it. Curled your delicate fingers around his hot shaft. Made him moan, and wasn’t it the sweetest melody you’ve ever heard. His dick felt damn good on your hand. Twitched agian. So, you squeezed it.

“Harder. Squeeze it harder, princess. Holy fuck!! Like that.”

You obeyed his commands so unlike you. Squeezed his dick and pumped. Grazed your thumb over his tip. And he kept pumping his fingers inside you. You were no longer a part of the earth that day. The breeze didn’t make you realize you were out in the open. The sound of the music didn’t remind you that you were in the parking lot of a club. And you didn’t care about dripping onto someone else’s car hood. You were high. High on Taehyung. Never wanted to pleasure someone else that badly. Never wanted to have someone inside you that badly.

“Please Taehyung. Fuck me now hm?”

From there it didn’t take much more convincing or begging. Taehyung pulled his fingers out of your cunt, making you feel empty and wincing. You did the same. Let his hard cock go. Watched him fumble with his pants for second before he freed his hard dick out. Watched it spring out in the cold air, tip red and angry. Swollen and pre cum leaking. You gulped harshly. That was the most fucking beautiful dick you’ve ever seen. Made your mouth water.

“Fuck I want you in my mouth.”

“Yeah? You want my dick on your slutty mouth? I fucking love the idea baby. Love to see your lips wrapped around me. But my cock will fall down if I don’t fuck you right now.”

That was very dramatic, but you agreed. You felt like you were about to die. Nodded desperately. Spread your legs wide apart. For him and him only. Taehyung chuckled. Pumped himself. And that was a sight for sore eyes. Came closer to you. Only to halt his movement all of a sudden. His smile faltered while you watched.

“What? What is it?”

“A condom. I don’t have one.”

For a second time you felt like your world ended. It was incredulous how he came to a club searching for lay but didn’t have protection with him. Incredulous how that it was your intention, but you didn’t have one either. You gaped at each other. He shivered. Not from cold. Let his cock go so he could grab from your thighs. Looked like he was about to cry.

“Baby, I’m clean I promise. I’ll stop if you want but I’m clean. I really want you. It hurts princess.”

That was a damn risk to take. How did you ever trust a stranger? That could have been the end of your sex escapades. But his words lit a insatiable fire inside you, driving you crazy. So, you nodded, desperately. Making Taehyung sigh in relief.

“I’m clean too.”

That’s all it took him to spring into action. Pushed your thigh further back, hiking your dress up. Stared at your sopping cunt and your wet panties sticking into your core. Cursed. Asked you to push your panties aside and aligned his tip with you. Silently asked you if you were ready and with one nod from you, he entered you in one go. No slow penetrations but a hard thrust in that made you nearly scream. Seized your hips, pushed you even more into him. Stilled you, while his cock was buried deep inside you. Breathed into your mouth. Took a moment. Allowed you to feel how perfectly he slotted inside you. Your walls stretched apart. He had girth and length to made you fill to the brim. Made you feel how pleasurable to have him stretched you and how good it was to feel his dick twitch.

“Move please.”

Every second that passed, only added fuel to the fire inside you. Even when he was deep inside you, you wanted more. You bucked your hips onto his. Grind. Gave him the best puppy eyes you could muster, and he listened. To your desperate plea. Held on to your hips from one hand for leverage and made your thigh pushed onto you with the other. Gave an experimental roll of his hips. Got you reeling. Gave another and then another, until he was thrusting into you fast. Hard. Your toes curling and thighs shaking. His eyebrows pulled together in concentration. Mouth agape. Short quick breath nibbled your lips. He was intoxicating. And you were drunk on him. Each and every pleasurable thrust, each drag on your fluttering walls brought you to ecstasy. And the moment when he pushed his hand under your ass to pull you slightly up, the moment his tip hit you at that one spot, you allowed yourself to cry.

“Fuck, like that baby. Cry dumb on my cock. You fucking feel like heaven. You wanna cum? Touch your cute little clit for me baby. Make yourself cum. Cream my cock.”

Your hand reached to your clit between your bodies so fast. Started rubbing figure eights furiously. Drove yourself into insanity and dragged Taehyung with you to that. He picked up his phase. Fingers digging on to your thighs harsh that they left marks for weeks. You were sure it didn’t take you more than two fucking minutes to fall apart. His name was the only thing left on your tongue as you cried for him. Cried from the immense pleasure. Dragged your high for as long as you can. Stopped rubbing your clit when it became too much but Taehyung didn’t even slow down. Overwhelming you. Making your legs tremble. Making you whine and plead.

“Can’t stop. Fuck I can’t baby. Sorry, but you feel so damn fucking good. Fucking wet. I can’t stop. C’mon cum again. Cum for me like a good whore. One more time. Please..”

A new wave of arousals shot through you at his words. Made you drip more on his cock with your tummy fluttering. Held onto his shoulders for dear life and let him pound onto your abused cunt. Happily, allowed him to pull the neckline of your dress back, freeing your tits. Moaned when he started sucking and squeezing on them. Came apart for a second time while he started at your bouncing tits like he was enthralled. You were absolutely right to think he would be able to make you cum more than once. He made you cum twice and then thrice. You were a crying mess sprawled on some stranger’s car after falling apart for a third time. Taehyung was hanging on a thread himself. Covered in sweat. The hottest thing you’ve ever seen.

“I’m close baby. So close. Keep squeezing me like that. Like good girl huh? God, you’re fucking perfect.”

And he had a dirty mouth. You loved it. You loved every moment of it.

“Shit I’m gonna cum. Where? Where do you…. want…”

That was a question to which you should give a straight ‘pull out’. He was a stranger. You were already risking the STDs. That was the day you learned that people make stupid decisions when they are drunk and high. It doesn’t matter on what.

“Inside please. Want you to cum inside me.”

“Fucking hell!... You want a fucking stranger to cum inside you? Fuck. How much of a whore you could be?”

“Don’t care. Please Taehyung inside. Fill me up.”

“Fuck yes. Yes. Yes. Gonna fill you up. Fill you up with cum. And you gonna go home like that. My cum dripping down your thighs. Like the good slut you are.”

“Yes, fuck yes. I promise.”

Pathetic how you cried for a shot of cum. But was worth every minute of it when he finally broke apart. Shattered. Cursed out aloud. It was the pure ecstasy when you felt his hot cum spilled inside you. And it was heartbreaking how you wanted to hold onto him forever when he hid his face on your neck. Whining. His dick still throbbing inside you.

It was heartbreaking, that everything ended.

.....................................

Five years and seven months ago

Taehyung had never thought the best sex of his life would be on top of a stranger’s car. He never thought that fuck would mess him up so much that he couldn’t sleep for days. Never thought that a one-night stand would ruin him for anyone else. That he would have to fuck his fist to the memory of you for any kind of relief. On top of everything, he never thought he would ever see you again. But then he did. Unexpectedly. After five months. On his colleague slash the girl he was in a situation ship’s house. He was there with her to pick some documents up. Something she forgot.

He stood in the living room while she rummaged through her house. That’s when someone descended the stairs in such a hurry that they skipped a stair. Held on to the banister to save their neck. Eyes landed on him at the same time his landed on them, clutching the banister for dear life. You. You who was his best fuck for the life. You, in front of him again in a baggy white T-shirt and blue shorts. You who stared at him with an open mouth, just like he did. You both blinked at each other. Until his colleague slash situationship realized you were there. She looked at you and then at Taehyung and told the last thing he wanted to hear.

“Oh, meet my sister Taehyung. Say hi sis, this is Taehyung. The man I’ve told you. I think I left that in my room. Gimme a min Tae”

And she disappeared through a door to her right. Left you and him alone. He watched you regain your composure and got onto your feet again. Waited till you descended the stairs and approached him. You smiled at him. Your sweet smile. The sweetest. His heart stopped. The world blurred, like the first day he saw you.

“Well, hello Mr. Kim Taehyung.”

“Hello Vixen.”

Ever since then he found a reason to be at your place. He was a selfish little shit for doing that. To use your sister just to find a way to you. He knew he was giving your sister hope by visiting her almost every day. For so many dumb reasons. Yet, he couldn’t help it. Just one sneak at you made him want to dance. Made him feel alive. He felt like a stupid teenager. So, he kept being selfish. At first, you were surprised to see him for a second time at your place. Then day by day you realized why he was there. You were a smart girl after all. Proved to him that you were indeed a vixen. Stopped wearing those baggy T- shirts and replaced them with flimsy tank tops. Wore booty shorts instead of sweats. Wore see through blouses with no bras. Made his brain short circuit and dick throb at how your nipples peaked through. Treated him like your sister’s boyfriend. That annoyed him to no end. They weren’t in a relationship at all. But you knew how to torture his mind and body. With your occasional slutty smiles. With your body innocently and accidentally brushing against him here and there.

Still, he never made a move. Never grew the balls to stop playing his cowardly games. Simply was the biggest coward on the damn earth. Until that day you brought a man home. While he was lounging on your couch. With your sister. In a sour mood because you weren’t home. And then there you came, with someone else’s hand on your waist. Introduced him as a friend of yours. Invited him to your room. And Taehyung was burning. Burning with a fire that set by you. A fire that ate him inside out. He was seeing red because how jealous he was. He wanted to strangle that man. Wanted to fuck you in front of him. Couldn’t think of anything else other than what you might be up to in your room. A room he had never been to.

That’s when you came downstairs again. Your shower basket in your hand. Taehyung has been in your house long enough to know you share a one bathroom and it’s on the down floor. Knew you were about to take a shower. It made his sour mood worse. Didn’t want another man to see you in your damp hair. With your skin glistening after water freshened you.

He was only seeing blind red when he waited until your sister went to grab something. He was enthralled by the jealousy when he found himself striding to your bathroom. Knew the lock of the door was broken. Funny how your family has been screaming ‘I’m taking the bathroom’ before anyone of you used it. He stood there for a minute. Listening to the sound of water. Imagined you naked under that shower. That thought alone made his dick hard. Wasn’t thinking clearly when he pushed the door open. You didn’t notice nor did you hear anything until he was inside, closed the door behind him and walked up to the little shower box. Yanked the glass door open. That’s only you jumped at the sound, turned around startled. Eyes wide, and taking him in. Hands went to cover your chest.

“Fuck, Taehyung, what are you doing?”

You were innocently and genuinely surprised. Taehyung on the other hand was spell bounded. Enchanted by your naked little figure in front of him. Water cascading across your honey skin. Through your slender curves. He ogled at your breasts and the way they pushed higher with your hands. Fuck weren’t you gorgeous. The most beautiful thing he has ever seen. How he always regretted and blamed him for rushing things with you that night. For not being patient enough to take you to a private place and get you stark naked. For not being able to see you in all your glory. Sue him for ogling at you like that. But you were just perfect.

“Aren’t you a fucking pervert Kim Taehyung?”

When he looked at your face, he knew there was no malice in your words. There was a sly smile. Your sweet slutty smile.

“I am. I am a fucking pervert.”

He knew you enjoyed the snap of his limit. Knew you were happy that you made him follow you into the shower. Knew you expected him to act on his impulses under your tortures one day. You didn’t, however, expect him to be stormed into the shower box. Your eyes bulged out when he pushed you back on to the slippery wall tiles. The sound you let out when he pressed his lips onto yours made his tummy flutter. He didn’t care about his clothes getting wet. Didn’t care how he would explain this to anybody later. About your sister being there in the same house. It was only you in his eyes. Only you when he tasted you after so long. Your intoxicating taste. Your tongue lapped against him.

It happened all fast. The way he discarded his clothes. Started savoring every inch of your body with his hand and lips. You mumbled something about how you shouldn’t do that there. He simply didn’t listen. He was thinking with his raging boner. Made you go on your knees and choked on his dick. Eyes tearing up and gagging around him. Thrusted into your mouth and praised you for being a good slut. His slut. Pulled out from your mouth when his balls started to tighten.

“No don’t do that. Wanted you to cum in my mouth.”

“Next time, baby.”

“Next time?”

“Yes, next time. I promise.”

It was adorable how you whined for his cum. Even adorable how you, a little vixen, turned pliant under him. A whiny mess. Made his dick throb. He ignored your cautions of getting caught and being in your house, inside a closed door which wasn’t locked. Was so happy to think, that man you bought home was currently waiting for you while he hoisted you up. Pressed you against the wall and lined his throbbing dick at your sopping pussy. His brain was malfunctioning when he started to push inside you. This time he did it slowly. Painfully slow for both of you. It was euphoric how your walls fluttered around his girth. Was head spinning the feeling of your cute cunt struggle to take him.

He knew he was a goner when you started squeezing on him. When you started to beg for him to move. So, he did. You were irresistible. Thrusted into your quivering cunt with everything he got. Made you cum so hard on his dick. Picked up his phase when you cried out for him. Didn’t stop until you were trembling badly. Didn’t stop when your sister knocked on your door and you had to answer. Made sure you screamed his name when that friend of yours did the same and asked you what’s taking so long. Best part was you came at that moment, bringing him over the edge with you.

“Fuck like that slut. Cum on my cock while he listens”

“Taehyung god. Want you to cum inside me.”

“I will baby. I’ll make sure you’re always full of my cum now on.”

.....................................

Five years ago

Ever since that day, he kept his promise toward you.

Next time, I promise

There were so many next times. How you didn’t get caught by your sister was a miracle. Only that your friend was gone by the time you left the bathroom. You snuck clothes for Taehyung that day. Even managed to keep him for the night. And he stopped coming to your place with your sister. Instead, popped up on your porch after few days with orchid. You snorted so hard at that. He pouted so hard at that. You felt your heart swell. Had no other options but kiss that pout away. You sneaked him inside. Every night from that day. To your attic room.

That’s how he slowly became an inseparable part of your life. From your endless sex to cuddles on the bed. From your sneaky outings to just sitting on your windowsill. In the middle of the night. Smoking cigarettes with your window open. Just to let the smoke go out so your mom won’t find out. Sharing the same cigarette and laughing about his silly jokes. Getting your lives startled out of your bodies whenever a knock came on your door. Throwing the cigarette out of the window and waving the smoke out. Pushing a grinning Taehyung under your bed and sit on you bed very non-suspiciously when your mom or sister poked their head inside your room. You lived a teenage life with him when you both were adults.

Made endless excuses every time you spend a day at his place. Invited him over to yours whenever you were home alone. Made him read books with you. He never liked it. Preferred to gape at your face more.

“You don’t have to read if you don’t want to.”

“Yeah?”

“Of course, Tae. You can do anything you want.”

“Let’s fuck, then.”

“Nope.”

“Why not?”

“You always take control over me. I kind of like it. But, still Tae, I prefer to have some control in my life sometimes. Like this. So, no. No fucking.”

“Oh c’mon, take the control then.”

“You should be more careful when you speak Tae Tae.”

“I know what I’m saying. Take the control vixen. Tie me up to your bed.”

And you did. Got revenge for all the time he edged you. Edged him until tears rolled down his cheeks. Kept his cock warm inside you for hours. Knew he would take revenge one day, but you lived in those moments. With him. Lived an exhilarating life until you met the first boulders together. Getting caught by your sister being the first. Walked up to him after a huge fight at your house. Knocked on his door to say you should stop your fuck buddy relationship. Almost left him there when he yelled.

“I love you. I fucking love you stupid vixen. You can’t just walk away.”

Those were the most beautiful words you’ve ever heard in your life. You had frozen when he shouted at your back. Had gaped into his face when he ran to you and turned you to face him.

“I know you love me too”

“Don’t be so sure sailor.”

You weren’t feeling cocky that day. Your throat was dry like you ate sand. And he didn’t grin at your words like other days. Watched you with a stern face. Made you realize there will be no sun rising in your world without him.

“Yes. Yes, fuck. I love you too. I fucking love you too…”

And he grinned. Kissed the life out of you. Told you he will walk with you to end of the world. Cheeky. You said so. He didn’t care. And he did walk with you. He walked with you when you cried over unanswered emails from hundreds of book publishers. He walked with you until you finally resolved things with your sister. He walked with you when you eventually received an answer from a little publishing group. He walked with you when you finally published a book. He was there with you each and every step.

You went from strangers at a club to buying a house together. His friends became your friends. Yours became his. You slotted together like puzzle pieces. Fought and cried over silly matters. And then one of you pouted so hard until the other forgave. Slow danced in the living room and threw your own little musical shows. Him just wearing a towel and you in your bathrobe. Hair dryer was your mic, and he was your only admirer. So was you for him. You lived in those moments. With him. Through every up and down. You loved him. You still do. Dearly.

.....................................

One and a half year ago

He and you fought. Not always but sometimes, like all the other couples do. But ever since you started your new job at a new publishing agency, you have fought a little more. The reason was your agent. Kim Namjoon. Taehyung always despised him. Maybe he wasn’t fair. But the guy always had heart eyes when he looked at you. Taehyung was still obsessed with you after all those times. He was freaking jealous to see Namjoon all over you. And you knew that too. Knew Namjoon wasn’t just being a friend. Still, you wanted your job. Taehyung understood. Understood that it was your dream, knew you loved him more than your own world. And even with that his jealousy side sometime won.

That’s what happened that day. When you were about to leave for a meeting with Kim Namjoon. Taehyung was frustrated. Devastated. And he regretted it immediately after you left. Regretted that he called you an attention seeking slut and asked you to do whatever the fuck you wanted.

Why the fuck you can’t understand what I’m… No. Guess what (….), go fucking ahead and do whatever fuck you want. You’re nothing but an attention seeking slut…

You weren’t. You was nothing but his entire world. His sun and moon. His little princess. The most lovable, kindest, and gentle person on the world. You were that high spirited bubble that made his world colorful in the darkest of night. He never said that to you, however. Instead, he called you an attention seeking slut. And when he wanted to say sorry and take everything back. It was too late. He never got to tell you that.

The moment he received that call from an unknown number, his only chance to tell you that you were his world was robbed from him. A single phone call was all it took to let him know that he will never be able to tell you those things that were left unsaid. The phone call that changed his life, and informed him that they were regretting it to tell him, the car his girlfriend was travelling is crashed. Crushed by a truck. And they were so sorry that you didn’t make it. Taehyung yelled at that person from the top of his lungs. Cursed them for playing funny games with him. Denied it over and over again. Until he couldn’t. In the end he couldn’t. He never got to tell you that you were his sun and moon. You weren’t there anymore.

.....................................

One and a half year ago

It was all a vague memory. The way your heart shattered at his words. The way you shouted back at him. The way you left your home. It all felt like a dream. So did your conversation with Namjoon. All of his questions regarding why you were crying. Hell, you didn’t know you were crying. You shrugged those questions away. But Namjoon was stubborn. Kept asking you questions until you broke into a loud cry that caught his complete attention. His attention, which should have been on the road, instead of on you. You didn’t remember when and where that damn truck appeared but when you noticed and screamed, it was all too late.

You woke up, however. Yes, you did. While it felt like your head spinning. Even with everything, you woke up, only to find your own body lying in the crashed debris of a car. It took you a little while to understand that you were dead. To understand that it was all too late. To remember that you left Taehyung behind. That you stormed out of your home that evening after fighting with him. It was all too late when you turned around and started running toward your house. Too late when you reached your home that Taehyung was already a sobbing wreck on the floor. With Jimin and Jungkook. His head hidden in Jungkook’s chest. He was fucking wailing. Wailing uncontrollably into his friend’s chest. Both of his friends were crying too but Taehyung was struggling to breathe.

“Fuck it was my fault Jungkook-ah. I drove her away... I…I...”

The rest was muffled in Jungkook’s chest.

“Holy fuck, no man. It wasn’t you. No. You didn’t do anything. It was no one’s fault.”

You watched Jungkook sob into Taehyung’s hair. Watched Jimin trap Taehyung between him and Jungkook.

“She would hate herself if she heard you say that. Don’t fucking say that. It wasn’t you. She knows it wasn’t you Tae. She knows.”

Yes. You knew. Yes, Jimin was right that you hated yourself that moment. It wasn’t him. Only if you had listened to him and stayed home. You wanted to console him. Touch him. Kiss him. Say that it’s all okay and there’s no reason to cry. Made him hide his face in your chest like you always did when he was sad. You tried. You tried with all your will. But nothing worked. Nobody bat an eye toward you. Nobody felt you. Heard you. No matter how hard you tried to touch Taehyung. It was all too late. And the last thing you said to him was, that he was a jealous, possessive prick.

You are fucking jealous Taehyung. Fucking jealous I’m making it, don’t you. You fucking jealousy, possessive prick. Guess what? Yes, I’m an attention seeking slut, and I’ll gain all the attention of the world.

Those weren’t true. He wasn’t someone like that. He was your sunshine. The boy who brought flowers for you. For a girl who never received flowers in her life. He never was jealous. Not with you. He was your pillar to hang on to. The only person who believed in you like a moth would follow flame. You wanted to tell that to him. But it was all too late. He didn’t hear you.

.....................................

Now

Ever since that cursed day, you followed Taehyung around. To every place you could. Watched him break apart. Shattering into a million pieces. Watched him die day by day. From crying onto his pillow to stop showing his emotions at all. Watched him become an empty husk. Hollow. And you died all over again with him. You thought all pains would end with death. And there you were burning on a fire that never went off. Shared that hell with Taehyung. Felt helpless when you couldn’t make him eat. Help him sleep. You were a nothing more than a reader of an anguished book. Helpless. Your heart broke each moment passed. Still, all you could do was watch and cry.

Watched him bring women home. Watched him go to their homes. Hell, you followed him even there. Cried your eyes out. It was a tortures mix between seeing him suffer and seeing him with someone else. You were selfish after all. Selfish enough that you couldn’t leave him. Couldn’t leave him in his misery.

Until now, the day everything changed.

You watch him stare at the bathroom door, waiting for her to come. You are in pain. So much pain.

.....................................

Now

Taehyung had waited countless times on your bed until you joined him after your shower. On the days he was too lazy to join you. Even after spending more than three years with you, he always felt giddy when you entered the room just in a towel. Just like how he feels now. To see her enter the room. Just in a towel. It feels wrong because he came here because she reminded him of you. The same kind of aura that pulled him up. It feels wrong because he is comparing her to you. He expects her to be you. She isn’t you. Even though she smiles at him fondly like you always did.

“Stay the night here, sailor?” She mumbles as she throws a T-shirt over her head. Taehyung’s heart stops for a beat again.

Stay here tonight sailor. I’ll find a way to sneak you in.

That’s exactly what you said after he fucked you that day in your family house bathroom.

“What’s wrong? Are you okay?” She asks again when he doesn’t reply. Climbs onto the bed next to him. Peers at his eyes. Smiles with her eyes. “You should smile more. Like this.” She smiles at him. Pokes at his ribs. Nuzzles his cheek with her nose. “C’mon sailor. It doesn’t cost you to smile.” Wines in complaint and Taehyung can’t help but softly chuckle.

“There you go. You’re fucking beautiful when you laugh.” She says as she keeps poking at his ribs.

“I want to be handsome. Not beautiful.”

“You’re most definitely handsome. Smile some more. Laugh.” She bites onto his cheek. The smile ghosted on his lips breaks into a grin. And then into a laugh. He can’t help it when it naturally comes within his chest. And she laughs too. Aloud.

For the first time after one-and-a-half years Taehyung laughs. Like how he used to do. Like himself. Like he did with you. And she laughs like you. Not in the same way but in the kind of way that makes him relax. In a way that makes his darkest night colorful. She is a rainbow, and you were a sun. She is not you but that’s okay. She can give him hope again. Hope and purpose to live. He can hang onto her. He can laugh.

……

He watches her chest rise and fall while she is sleeping. Looks at her peaceful face.

She’s fucking gone Taehyung. Fucking gone. You need to move the fuck on.

It’s been more than a year Kim Taehyung.

Yes, his friends were right. You were gone. You aren’t coming back. No matter how long he waits. He can’t die. Not anymore. He wants to live. For you. For him. To remember you till the day he dies. To cherish your memory with him. To see what the life will hold for him. He will tell her about you one day. He will heal. Move on. Not forgetting you. No, he can’t do that. You will always be his sun and moon. But he will learn to love again. Learn to live. And he will let go of you.

It hurts. Hurts to think that he will need to finally let go of you. To finally accept that you were gone. Without giving him a chance to let you know how much he loves you. All he wanted was one chance. Just one to tell you that he loves you. To hear you say it back. To apologise. Hold you and kiss you dearly. Tell you that you were his sun and moon. He can’t. He will never have that one opportunity. It’s time he should let you go.

“You are free, my vixen. You can go. I love you but it’s time for you to go.” He mumbles into nothing before closing his eyes. Peaceful for the first time.

.....................................

Now

It hurts. It hurts like hell to hear him say that. To hear him ask you to leave. You don’t want to. The sun will not rise in a world without him. Even though this is neither living nor dying you want to hang onto him. Even though this is an endless pain you want to be with him. Even though you can’t make him happy or laugh, can’t make him live, you want to be there for him.

“That’s your closure (….) You need to move on now.” The sudden voice doesn’t startle you. Not when you are so accustomed to that presence next you. For a year and a half. You turn to look at him.

“What do you mean?” Your voice trembling.

“You couldn’t move on because he held on to you. You were stuck here because you didn’t have your closure to move on. You were stuck to him because he was hanging on to you. You couldn’t leave him when he was suffering. But he is going to be okay.” Namjoon’s voice is soothing. Like always.

“That’s not true. I was here because I wanted to. Because I love him. Because he loves me.” You shake your head in dissent.

“Yes, you both love each other. But sometimes it isn’t enough. You can’t make a difference in his life (….), like you couldn’t all this time. You need to let him live his life. I’m sorry I killed you. I’m sorry I dragged you into this place-”

“It wasn’t your fault, Namjoon. It was nobody’s fault.” At first, you resented him so much. Blamed him for everything. For the pain Taehyung was feeling. But it wasn’t him. You know it wasn’t him.

“Yeah, but I don’t know…. You died (…). He is still alive. Let him live that life. This is your time to move on.” Namjoon looks at you. You can’t make his features in the dark.

It was at your own funeral, sitting on a dark corner, watching Taehyung breaking apart, when you first saw Namjoon. Neither of you made it. And you forgot him until that day. You yelled at him. Accused him for being at fault. Yet, he never left. All those times you watched Taehyung, he was watching you. You knew he loved you more than a friend when you were alive. You knew Taehyung was right. But it wasn’t as if you would choose someone over Kim Taehyung. Not even that person is Kim Namjoon. You are bounded to Taehyung even after your death. Still, you feel gratification towards Namjoon.

“Why didn’t you go Namjoon? Why then, you are here? If I was simply stuck here until Tae gives me my closure. What are you doing here?”

He smiles at you. His dimple smile.

“Maybe you are my closure. You just gave me my closure.”

It wasn’t your fault, Namjoon. It was nobody’s fault.

You gave him his closure. You watch him. He smiles again. It makes sense now. You turn your head to Taehyung, walk over to the bed where he is sleeping with another woman. There’s nothing you can do. You are dead. He is not. You want him to live. A life he will remember. A life where he would always laugh. You need to let him live. There’s pang in your chest. Nothing unfamiliar, that pang was always there.

You watch Taehyung breathe peacefully as he sleeps. After a long time, he is not thrashing. Not crying in his sleep. Doesn’t mumble your name. He is peaceful. You can move on now. He let you go. Tears start rolling on your cheeks. There are so many things that left unsaid. You never got to tell him that how he made you feel alive. That he is the most selfless person you met. That you felt how much he loved you by just the way he looked at you. You didn’t get that chance.

“I never got to tell him sorry Namjoon. Sorry for saying those things to him. Never got to apologize for anything. I don’t want him to think that I hated him. Because I didn’t. I loved him, I love him. I…”

“Trust me he knows (…). He knows you loved him. He knows you love him.”

You don’t believe Namjoon. But what other options do you have. You can’t say sorry to him.

He never blamed you. Not even for leaving him. He is fucking selfless. There are things still unresolved but then why you must go now. You still have to apologize.

You feel Namjoon’s hands wrapped around your trembling figure. From behind.

“You need to go because he knows. He knows you never meant them. He freed you (…)” That was an answer for an unasked question.

Taehyung freed you. You need to free him too. Live him his life. You watch him for another moment. Nod. He knows. You know he knows.

You step forward. A little bit closer to the edge of the bed. Namjoon follows you. Hands never leaving you. You desperately want to feel Taehyung one more time. Just feel his warmth. Desperately want one more day. You wish you had one more day to tell him he was your life line. One more day to tell him you love him. Just for one more time. To hear him say those words back.

I love you. I fucking love you stupid vixen.

“I love you, Kim Taehyung. I always did and always will. I’m sorry I called you those things, but you know that I didn’t mean them don’t you sailor? I didn’t. I should have let you know that you were my anchor. I’m sorry that I left…. Sorry for every fight, every harsh word....” You want to say so much more but words get tangle in your throat. You want to apologise for every time you couldn’t be what he needed. But the words keep sticking to your tongue. Only the ache of what’s unsaid left in you. So, you simply repeat that you love him for a one last time.

You lean down, freeing yourself from Namjoons hands. Stare at the breath-taking face of your lover. Past lover. His flawless skin. The little moles. Sharp jaw. Perfect cupid bow. The man you love. You want them engraved in your memory. What if you forget them? What if you forget how beautiful he is? So, you stare, stare and stare. Until you feel Namjoon’s hand softly graze your shoulder.

You nod, just to let Namjoon know that you’re ready. You’ll let your baby go. Just need one more minute. You use that minute to say you love him once again. Even though he can’t hear. You use that minute to place an invisible kiss to his forehead, like you always did. Even though he can’t feel.

Straighten up. Turn around and take Namjoon’s hand. Let him walk you out. Walking away feels like chains are breaking. The chains that kept you tied up to Taehyung. Weight is lifting but it isn’t relieving. Your story with Kim Taehyung is ending. For real this time.

You don’t know what’s wait for you in other side. You will face that anyway. You will let the sweet boy with starts in his eyes live. You will let the boy who brought you flowers everyday even after you died, bring those flowers for some one else. You will let the boy with his adorable boxy grin laughs, like he did with you. You will leave him behind. To live his life. Even if it means leaving the love that still blinds you.

THE END.

[dreamescapeswriting]

Petals Of Love ~ HJS

WORD COUNT: 2.9K

GENRE: Non idol, college au, established friendships, unrequited love, jisung blind to his feelings, reader almost dying, mentions of coughing and blood, hanahaki disease [Hanahaki disease is a fictional medical condition often depicted in anime, manga, and fan fiction. It's characterized by the symptoms of coughing up flower petals or blossoms due to unrequited love. ]

PAIRING: Jisung X Fem!Reader

⤜Copyright: © DreamEscapesWriting - April 2024

⤜MASTERLIST

In the bustling city of Seoul, cherry blossoms painted the streets pink, and everywhere you went petals fell down and showered those around them creating a beautiful scene, but you hated it. 

You had once loved the flowers but now they simply reminded you of the one person you could never have, the one person that was killing you slowly on the inside and didn't even know it. Your best friend. Jisung.

You'd always loved him but you hadn't realised the depth of your feelings until recently. It had started subtly, with you admiring his infectious laugh or his giant smile. The way he stored food in his cheeks or his passion for music. Everything about him drew him in. He even had a remarkable ability to see the best in people and bring joy to those around him mostly you.

"Dear? Is there something I can do for you?" A voice brought you out of your daydream as you slowly turned around to face an elderly woman who was staring at you. You took in her appearance, silver hair that cascaded down her back in gentle waves and she was dressed in a headscarf adorned with cherry blossoms. You'd been reading about her all week long, she was supposed to be the best herbalist in all of Seoul and you figured she'd be able to find a way to help you.

"I...I need your help," You stuttered, your voice barely above a whisper, and your hands were trembling.

"I have this... this illness. It's called Hanahaki. I'm in love with my best friend, Jisung, but... but he doesn't feel the same way. I'm coughing up petals, and I don't know what to do." Tears sprang to your eyes as you finally admitted it out loud to someone else. Ever since you'd started coughing up the petals you'd done everything you could to hide it, not wanting anyone to see you. 

The herbalist listened attentively, her expression softening as she heard your plight. With a gentle touch, she reached out to comfort you.

"I'm sorry, my dear," the herbalist sighed, her voice heavy with regret. 

"But there is little I can do for you. Hanahaki is a curse born of unrequited love, and its remedy lies not in herbs or potions, but in the depths of your heart." Your heart sank at the herbalist's words, your hopes dashed against the harsh reality of your situation. Tears welled up in your eyes as you realized the gravity of your predicament. 

"But... but there must be something!" You pleaded, desperation lacing your voice. 

"I can't just let this disease consume me. Jisung... he means everything to me. I can't lose him." The herbalist's gaze softened, her eyes reflecting your anguish.

"My dear child," she murmured, her voice gentle yet firm. 

"Sometimes, the greatest remedies come not from external sources, but from within ourselves. Only by confronting your feelings and expressing them honestly can you hope to find peace, whether it be in love returned or in letting go." With those words, the herbalist offered you a comforting embrace, a silent reassurance that you were not alone in your struggle.

"Confess your love and hope for reciprocation or face the consequences of a love unspoken." She told you softly as she rubbed the small of your back, the weight of everything pressing down on you as you began your walk back to your shared apartment with Jisung. 

No matter how much you adored Jisung there was always someone else for him, someone he liked more than you. The thought of it made your throat close up until you coughed a little, petals falling into your hands, the beautiful pink in stark contrast to the blood red that covered them. 

As you stepped into the apartment, you were instantly greeted by the scent of your home and Jisung running around excitedly, his energy infectious as it always was. The thoughts and problems of your day melted away instantly as he grinned in your direction,

"You're back!" He exclaimed, his eyes bright with excitement.

"I have some exciting news!" Curiosity piqued you set your bag down on the floor and walked toward him,

"What's the news?" You smiled.

"I met someone, her name is Emi and she's incredible! You have to meet her!" Your heart skipped a beat, a pang of longing shooting through you as you processed his words. It honestly felt as though it was going to be anyone but you at this point and your chest tightened, your throat burning as you felt the flowers making their way up making it feel as though you were going to choke. Forcing a smile onto your face you nodded,

"T...That's wonderful, I can't wait to meet her," You lied, doing your best to mask the ache in your chest as you spoke. It would be a while before you'd ever have to face her, Jisung was always slow when it came to relationships and never wanted to rush anything. 

"Great! Chan is hosting a party tonight and she'll be there! I can't wait for you to meet her," Your smile faltered as you stared at him, this was faster than any of the past relationships he'd had. 

"Tonight? But-" You didn't even have time to come up with some kind of excuse not to come. 

"It'll be fun, I heard Lix is going to be there." He wiggled his eyebrows at you, he'd been trying to set you up with his friends for a while not catching that you weren't into them but rather him.

"Sounds good," You lied through your teeth, you could think of a million different places you wanted to be rather than at a party where you would watch him with someone else, hell being one of those places. 

"You're the best, this is going to be so much fun!" He told you, embracing you in a tight hug as you squeezed your eyes shut, enjoying the fleeting moment of being so close to him while it lasted. 

"Why not me," You whispered to yourself as he walked away from you, going to plan an outfit for the night and you coughed into your hand throwing away the petals into the bin.

The party pulsated with energy, its atmosphere electric with excitement and anticipation. Held in Chan's college house adorned with twinkling fairy lights and draped with cascading cherry blossom garlands, it resembled a scene straight out of a fairy tale. The sight of the garlands felt as though they were torturing you though, as if they were there to remind you of your unrequited love.

The air was alive with the sound of laughter and animated conversations, mingling with the rhythmic beat of music that reverberated through the room.

"This is exciting, right?" Jisung asked from beside you, the two of you went to almost all of Chan's parties and this one certainly felt more extravagant than the others that you'd been to in the past.

"Yeah it's nice," You whispered, letting your eyes linger on him for a second enjoying the way his eyes were lighting up at the sight of the party. 

"Might be his best party yet," Jisung chuckled, nudging you softly as you nodded at him but you were in complete awe of him not to agree with everything he was saying. You forced a smile on your face, your heart pounding as you followed Jisung through the throng of partygoers. You tried to focus on the lively atmosphere, the music to try and drown out the whispers of doubt in your mind. 

"Hey! Yn! Jisung!" Felix waves at you both and you smile, hugging him softly and relaxing as he whispers in your ear,

"Missed you little one," The two of you were close with one another, not in a romantic way but still close nonetheless.

"Have you seen Emi anywhere?" The mention of her name had you choking up as you stared at Felix, 

"She was with Chan last I saw her." Without a second thought, Jisung left you and Felix alone, your eyes staring off after your best friend as you swallowed the nervous lump in your throat. 

"She's the girl of the week then?" Felix teased softly, it was no secret that Jisung fell in love with a new girl faster than anyone else but it was something you found endearing about him. 

"I guess so," You mumbled, reaching for a cup from a nearby tray and downing it instantly trying to forget everything that was going to happen tonight.

The two of you fell into casual conversation, catching up with one another as you walked through the party, your eyes finding Jisung instantly as you noticed just how close he was to Emi. Their hands linked with one another as you stared at him a sharp pang of pain shot through your chest, causing you to gasp for breath and clutch onto Felix.

A delicate petal, stained with blood fluttered from your lips, a cruel reminder of the curse that plagued your heart. Felix's eyes widened in shock as he stared at you,

"You okay?" He asked, his voice laced with worry as he pulled you to the side, trying to get you out of the crowded party. Your cheeks were burning with embarrassment as you tried to compose yourself,

"I-I'm fine," You stammered, your voice trembling a little.

"It's nothing." You lied, but Felix's eyes remained fixed on you, his eyes filled with understanding as he realised what was happening.

"You're in love with him, aren't you?" He asked as you stared at him, your breath caught in your throat as you nodded silently, unable to find the words to express the depth of your emotions.

"You can't tell him," You begged, your hands clutching onto Felix's forearms as petals began to fall from your lips faster than before, more blood coating them with each falling petal.

"Yn, it'll kill you if he doesn't know." Something you already knew but even if you told him and he rejected you, you were going to die, you were fighting it as much as you possibly could.

"It'll kill me faster if he knows and rejects me," You croaked out, tears streaming down your cheeks as you shook your head. You'd thought about confessing a million times before, you'd written songs, letters, and poems but nothing was ever going to work because you knew he would never love you back.

"But-"

"There's nothing I can do Lix, either way I die." You mumbled, wiping the corners of your lips to remove the blood from them, sighing a little as you shrugged your shoulders.

"How do you know he doesn't love you?" You scoffed a little and shook your head, there was no way Jisung returned the feelings you had for him,

"He would have said something." You mumbled a little, looking down at the floor as Felix stared at you,

"Like you have to him?" He had you there but you just shook your head, 

"I'm going to get some fresh air, keep him distracted...I don't want to meet Emi," You admitted as Felix nodded, always having your back no matter what.

The moon cast a gentle glow upon the garden, its silvery light dancing among the cherry blossoms like ethereal spirits. You stood at the threshold, your heart heavy with the weight of unspoken words and unrequited love. Each step felt like a burden, and your chest constricted with the pain of the Hanahaki disease.

With each laboured breath, you coughed, delicate petals stained with blood escaping your lips like crimson tears. The air was thick with the scent of cherry blossoms, their sweet fragrance mingling with the coppery tang of blood—a haunting reminder of the curse that plagued your heart.

As you stumbled forward, your vision blurred with tears, and the world around you seemed to spin, a dizzying whirlwind of colours and sensations. Your strength waned with each passing moment, your body growing weaker with every faltering step.

But still, you pressed on, driven by a desperate longing to be alone with your thoughts, to find solace amidst the tranquil beauty of the garden. Each petal that fell from your lips was a silent plea, a silent prayer for forgiveness and understanding. Darkness began to cloud your vision as you leaned up against a tree, trying to catch as much breath as you could but it was as though there was a filter to your lungs, stopping any viable air coming through.

In that moment of quiet surrender, you finally found peace—a fleeting glimpse of serenity amidst the chaos of your suffering. And as the night stretched on, the garden whispered its mournful lament, a solemn witness to the beauty of love unspoken and the tragedy of a life cut short.

"Have you seen Yn? I figured we'd go home together," Jisung said as he joined Felix in the kitchen but he shook his head,

"She was going for air the last I saw her," He admitted, he hadn't seen you for at least an hour now and he figured you'd gone home. Jisung smiled weakly and began to make his way through the people, his date with Emi couldn't have gone worse, it turned out she had a crush on Chan instead of Jisung and all he wanted was to go home and watch bad movies with you.

"Yn?!" He called out to the party, sighing a little at the thought of you going home alone. The two of you always went home together, dates or not. As he walked through the party, a hushed whisper reached his ears, a rumour that someone had been found unconscious in the garden. Panic built inside of him as he dashed toward the garden, his heart pounding with fear.

As he burst through to the garden his worst fears came true, you were lying on the floor surrounded by cherry Blossoms as people simply stared at you in awe. You were frail on the floor, a halo of petals surrounding you like a mournful shroud.

"Yn!" He cried out, his voice trembling with anguish as he rushed to your side, his hands trembling as he brushed bloodied petals from your chest. Your eyes fluttered open, your gaze clouded with pain as you struggled to breathe,

"Yn," He whispered, his voice choked on emotion. Tears welled in Jisung's eyes as he took in the sight of your frail form, the severity of the situation finally sinking in.

"Oh, Yn," Jisungwhispered, her voice choked with emotion, the thought of all of this happening to you.

"What happened? Why didn't you tell me?" He pleaded with you, the sound of distant sirens blasting through the air, your response was a weak cough, a delicate petal stained with blood escaping your lips—a silent testament to the depth of your suffering. 

Realization dawned upon Jisung like a bolt of lightning, illuminating the darkness of his ignorance. He'd been blind to your silent struggle, oblivious to the agony hidden beneath your friend's smiles and laughter.

"I'm so sorry," He murmured, his voice trembling with regret as tears streamed down his cheeks. 

"I didn't know... I didn't realize..." With each passing moment, your strength waned, your breaths growing shallower as the petals threatened to suffocate your fragile lungs. 

"I wrote a letter and threw it away, 'cause god just knows that I'll never say I think about you every day...I-I know you'll never see me that way." You coughed out before everything faded to black, Jisung's hands shaking you as he begged you to come back to him. 

"Yn...Yn, can you hear me?" The voice was gentle yet urgent, pulling you back from the brink of oblivion. With a faint groan, you stirred, your eyes fluttering open as you squinted a little.

"Jisung?" You mumbled, your voice hoarse from how dry your throat was. 

"You're in the hospital, you collapsed," Jisung whispered, his hands griping yours with trembling hands, you stared at him and took in his appearance, it looked like he'd barely slept and his eyes were bloodshot.

"What...What happened?" You thought for sure you would have died right then and there, it had been the only reason you'd admitted your feelings to him.

"You were coughing up blood...petals...Yn, why didn't you just tell me?" He squeezed your hand and you shook your head, looking back on it, it all seemed silly not to tell him the truth.

"I was scared I was going to lose you," You admit as you slowly sat up in the bed,

"And I nearly lost you," He choked, kissing your hand softly as you watched him,

"How am I-"

"Alive? After you passed out...I finally realised I love you, I always have and I just cried into your chest," He laughed nervously and wiped the tears away from his cheeks.

I've loved you for as long as I can remember. I just didn't know how to tell you." He admitted as you stared at him in complete shock,

"You saved my life," You whispered as you swallowed and for the first time in forever it didn't hurt, it felt pain-free as you finally didn't feel the urge to cough anymore.

"I love you, Jisung." You whimpered a little./

"I love you too, Yn," He whispers, leaning down and kissing you softly as you wrap your arms around the back of his neck bringing him closer to you.

In that moment, amidst the sterile walls of the hospital room, you felt a weight lift from your chest—a burden lifted by the power of love and the courage to speak your truth. And as Jisung leaned in to press a gentle kiss to your forehead, you knew that this was exactly where you belonged—in the arms of the man you loved, your heart finally at peace.

@chiisaiblog @sw33tnight @kaitieskidmore97 @laylasbunbunny @stayconnecteed @saymyspringrain @toplinehyunjin @katnisspeetaprim @acciocriativity @just-aelia @choisoorin @straykids5star @midnightfrog625 @beccaskz @scarletemeterio @halesandy @junhannies @gothic4under4lord @lixie-phoria @soulphoenix1618 @aerastus @jin-from-the-block @lensfilm @elizaschuyler18 @piratequeen-impact @kpopsstuffs @chaeyoungs @delulu18 @xyahrinx @katsukis1wife @anthropologymajorkpopmultistan @blairscott @4-chan-inpadella @niktwazny303 @moonlight-the-writer @armystay89 @hadassahchan @yxngbxkkie @myyouthdonut @extrhotjne @ca11me3mily @elissasimp @piercedddriver

[marysdigdiaries101]

NEW INTERESTS

summary: as business woman barbie, you had to be quite serious and uptight about your field of work. so when you couldn't make it sleepover night, which wasn't unexpected of course ꒰but nevertheless꒱ , stereotypical barbie comes to check up on you.

warning/s: top! barbie, bottom! reader, no smut, but it's implied, fluff/comfort, tired reader, talk of depression, swearing, not proofread, pretend they have genitals btw.

word count: forgot to check lmao

authors note: hi hi hii ! first post omg? i just watched the new barbie movie and..im fucking obsessed, i swear i missed half the movies dialogue tho cause i was admiring margot's gorgeous face. anyway i thought what if we had a super stressed, borderline depressed barbie who just needed a break from her thoughts ? enjoy pookies ! ୨♡୧

+ btw men dni.

navigation ! | ୨♡୧

the wheels of your pastel pink car came to a stop in your driveway as you sluggishly dragged yourself out of the drivers seat. another long day, another girls night you couldn't deal with. bright lights illuminated the moving bodies on the vast dance floor, pointed stilettos tapping and turning swiftly as stiff hands clapped and clicked to the music.

clutching your purse, you moved across the dance floor, avoiding flapping arms and desperate kens in need of a dance partner. as you got to the last section of your mission, you felt a pair of eyes on you, a pair of eyes that were too familiar for you to shake off. looking over to your far left you found a set ocean blue eyes staring right back at you. the one and only stereotypical barbie. the perfect one, the main bitch of barbieland acknowledging your presence.

conversations between the two of you were very scarce. with you having a very busy work life and her having none at all, you never crossed paths that much. but living right across from her was a given, so conversations at times were necessary.

brushing off the nervous feeling that had crept up on you, you silently scolded yourself for the rosy blush that had quickly painted your cheeks. once again, clutching your purse tighter, you resumed your journey to your apartment in the lively dreamhouse.

the scratched door creaked open as you released your grip on the plastic doorknob. in any other room you can pretty much expect bright pinks and yellows and lovely colors..but not yours. in fact it wasn't the case at all.

black scribble lines all over formerly hot pink walls, torn up grey bed sheets, deflated pillows, a bedside rug that was once a lovely shade of baby blue now a murky lake green, and scratches, whoever was messing with this room had a no sense for care, as this room, this room was desecrated with scratches and marks.

sighing, you flopped unto the creaky mattress, the back of your knees hitting the plastic bed structure. reaching over to your achy feet, you pulled off the black heels that had been causing you anguish the whole day.

dropping your heels, you unzipped your pale pink silk dress, one of the very rare bright pieces of clothing you had left. flinging it over to the other side of the room, you tapped over to your closet, the once shiny, luxurious white structure, scribbled on and vandalised; stripped of its pride. you looked through the distressed drawer that had been left open from the mornings' rush. music flooded into the silence of your room as picked out navy blue pyjama bottoms and a tight fitted white tank top.

as if by magic (no pun intended) , your desired clothing adorned your slim body as you strolled over to your bed, plopping yourself on it and sinking into the mattress.

thoughts clouded your mind like a raging storm, keeping you a prisoner of your own mind. weird barbie said this would happen a lot more so it shouldn't have been unexpected. but it still hit you like a brick every time the thought of stereotypical barbie flooded your head. her plump lips, the crystal blue eyes that locked you in a trance at the slightest glance and her hair, oh god her hair. you just wanted to run your fingers through the golden curls. you wanted to tangle your fingers in it, you wanted to ruin it, you hated how perfect it was.

you hated her. you hated how ken adored her, how everyone was so goddamn drawn to her, it was like the town revolved around her jobless ass. you wanted her. you needed her. you needed her to need you. but you had your ken and she had hers, and that was that.

the last person who uttered a word about a barbie and a barbie or a ken and a ken was weird barbie and look how she turned out. it's not like you weren't weird yourself, with your heels dropping, thoughts about death, uncanny interests in barbie , your burnt waffles and messed up room and messed up clothes, you were borderline line outcast. you just hadn't been sent to the weird house yet.

'it's only a matter of time though'. you thought shutting your eyes. the late nights and early mornings catching up to you.

it only seemed like a few minutes before you felt the opposite side of your bed sink and a warm hand on your icy shoulder. shrieking, you leaped into an upright position, very nearly hitting your head on your heart shaped headboard.

"jesus! what the hell.." you came to an abrupt stop as you looked over to your side meeting a very dear set of eyes. "look, i'm sorry for barging in so randomly, i know you were sleeping and you're a very busy woman and-" the words mushed together in your head as you focused on her pouty lips. you would let her talk for hours on end if it meant seeing those lips move.

"it's okay." you stated, the corners of your lips turning up. "really? i mean i could leave honestly! it's no biggie..i mean if you want me stay i could?" the icy blonde rambled meeting your gaze softly. "i promise your fine." you assured her shuffling a bit, suddenly feeling very naked.

"so why are you here?" you questioned, sinking back into the comfort of your duvet. dropping your gaze, she fiddled with her velvet night gown, undoing the strings and redoing them. "..well i don't know, you looked more down than usual and you at least make it to the nail painting sessions in my room, but today you missed the whole night altogether." barbie confessed, searching your y/e/c eyes for reasons.

"i know, but-" "you promised." she stated, cutting your flimsy excuse short. "i'm sorry. i've just- i've had some things on my mind as of recent." you explained, your eyes looking at barbies' room across from yours.

“ what type of thoughts?” you raised your eyebrow at her answering her question silently. “right. too far… sorry.” she blushed, tucking her blonde hair behind her ears. an uncomfortable silence filled the room as barbie crossed her legs, moving dangerously close to you.

clearing your throat, you glanced at her figure, letting the image cloud your senses. the curve of her hips to the sharp cut of her jawline, she really was the perfect barbie.

“i have thoughts about death too.” barbie whispered. you didn’t reply so she continued “all the time actually. they’re more frequent than they used to be. i thought maybe someone felt the same way as me so i shared it during the dance party downstairs, but, they just looked at me like i was.. weird.”

your heart rate tripled as you gazed up at her. she looked so.. vulnerable. all this time you had thought you were alone in this paradise. you thought of yourself as the elephant in the room. but there was a chance that the one person you thought was perfect, was just as fucked up as you.

“i’m so sorry, i’m gonna leave now-” “stay.” you muttered connecting your eyes with hers. “what?” the blonde asked, a bewildered look on her face. “i think about death too. maybe we have more in common than we thought.” you explained, running your fingers through your y/h/c haphazardly layered hair.

grinning immediately barbie sat back down, babbling instantly. and you did what anyone would do if they were in that same situation, you stared at her with hearts in your eyes, smiling broadly.

only mattel knew how you ended up sprawled across your bed with barbie straddling your lap, braiding chunks of your hair. who knew depressive thoughts could bond two dolls like this?

“your eyes are so pretty.” you murmured gazing up into her ocean blues. blushing she retorted : “oh shut up.” , but you could tell from her scarlet cheeks and darting eyes that she appreciated the compliment.

“can i kiss you?” you blurted, not being able to hold yourself back. barbie stared at you, her eyes glistening. preparing yourself for rejection you opened your mouth only to have it shut by pillowy lips.

stars behind your eyelids, in fact a whole constellation. gliding your fingers up the small of her back, you reciprocated the kiss as she cupped your face softly. biting your bottom lip, she explored your mouth slowly. sucking on your tongue, she extracted a well deserved moan out of you.

“fuck y/n” she groaned, grinding on you. moaning desperately, you fervently moved your hands around her body as she pulled away. breathing heavily you both stared at each other lovingly. “the others will hear..” she commented, returning to fiddling with your hair. agreeing, you smirked as she looked at your lips.

“i better go then. i don’t want you tired tomorrow, busy work life and all.” the blonde remarked as she slowly stood up. “mhm” you retorted, as you let your eyes wander all over her body.

“i’ll see you tomorrow, sleep well okay?” she stated, looking over at you as she got to the door. “i will.” you grinned, snuggling into your comforter. and at that she giggled as she closed your door, the echo of her voice promising you of better days. ˗ˏˋ ꒰ 🩰 ꒱ ˎˊ˗

[carmillamycarmine]

Carmilla Carmine x Fem Reader: Reader learning ballet from Carmilla. {1,976 words}

Request by: @coallise

Pas de Deux

Flames danced and twisted with fervor, echoing laughter resounded like a haunting melody, and the anguished cries of citizens pierced the air. It was almost theatrical. A daunting song.

Carmilla, with a solemn grace, closed her eyes and embraced the disheartening setting of her current existence. Once again. Carmilla turned from the window, her large hands folded behind her back. Within the esteemed estate, metallic thudding on hard stone could be heard throughout. The building was quiet, sheilding itself away from the torture outside.

The tall, elegant woman stepped through the dimly lit corridors, her laced feet taking her exactly where she wanted to go. The grand ballroom was cold, always surprisingly. Carmilla entered the room, watching the dark curtains rustle and do their flapper dance. Crimson hues of the moon's light filtered through intricate stained glass windows, casting prisms of light upon the meticulously polished marble floor. Within this splendid setting, an atmosphere of eagerness formed and the woman couldn't help but smile smally.

With a snap of her long fingers, musical notes floated through the air, filling it with new life. Carmilla inhaled deeply, feeling her cold heart thaw.

‘Pavane for a Dead Princess’ played out.

Long arms went into first position, and so did her feet, for once allowing herself to be off her toes, in more ways than one. And with that, Carmilla flowed effortlessly into choreography from her heart, letting the music control her. She was of a black swan gliding across a tranquil lake, her angelic ballet shoes and straps sparkling in the light like the shimmers of that swan lake.

Carmilla felt sane here. She felt closer to herself.

Without warning, a familiar scent of rose wafted into her nose, triggering an emotion within Carmilla's thawed state. The woman immediately paused her dance but did not stumble, never. White irises darted towards the entrance, landing on your beautiful figure before you quickly slipped away, hiding yourself away from Carmilla in the shadows.

“Corazón?”

The sound of the ballet woman's bubbling, velvet voice caused a wave of shivers to swim through your body, making you sigh.

“Ven acá.”

Obediently, you did go to her, revealing yourself truthfully.

“There's no need to hide. I won't bite.” Carmilla looked away from you, her eyebrows furrowing slightly with a thought.

You didn't respond.

“Were you needing me?” Her velvety voice asked.

“No, not really. I just…” You spoke as your footsteps got closer to her. “I heard music. Music plays through these halls only a few times… which, anyway, is usually when you're done with your work.”

You looked up into her white eyes, the red of Carmilla's scleras glowing and highlighting bits of her perfect face.

“I see,” the taller woman replied, her large hand going up to touch her chin in thought.

It was quiet for a moment between you two, though, the music of ballet still played on.

“Teach me.” You almost command it.

“What?”

“Teach me how to dance ballet,” you said more specifically. “Please,” you added quickly.

Carmilla observed you for a moment, considering your request. As you stood before her, you swore you could see something shift within her gaze.

“Why?”

I suppose you should've expected that response. Your eyes immediately shifted away from hers, internally forcing yourself to not fluster. You chuckled suddenly, almost embarrassed.

“W-Why would anyone want to learn?” You ask, fiddling your thumbs before making quick eye contact again. “It's just.. so beautiful. You look… so beautiful.”

Carmilla's stoic face changed into one of surprise.

“I want to feel that way.”

The ballet woman's features softened, her heart tugging from the mix of your words.

"Very well," she agreed, extending her big hand towards you. "Come, let us not waste our time.”

With graceful movements, she guided you to the center of the ballroom, positioning you carefully. Her touch was soft, gentle, contrasting with the image of her imposing presence.

“First, we must find your balance," Carmilla instructed, using her hands to help her communicate. "Feel the ground beneath you, feel your feet, your heels build into the ground like the roots of a sturdy tree.”

You followed her guidance, focusing on your stance as she adjusted your posture with a gentle touch.

“Now, let the music guide you," she continued, snapping her fingers to restart to music from the speakers. "Feel its rhythm coursing through your veins, connecting you to every note, every beat, as if it's the song of your own beating blood.”

As the bittersweet melody rewinds and envelopes the room once again, you tentatively begin to move, slightly mimicking Carmilla's steps you saw earlier to guide you. At first, it felt awkward and unfamiliar, but with each passing moment, you surrendered yourself to the music, allowing it to carry you, though, you still felt awkward all the same.

Feeling the music, you forget about your stiffness and focus on just allowing the music to take control, hoping it'll relax your body.

“The song of your own heart, corazón, not mine.”

You couldn't help but huff a bit, knowing Carmilla wanted you to produce your own dance, not blatantly copying. Following Carmilla's instructions, your movements felt uncertain. Despite your best efforts, you couldn't quite capture the fluid grace that seemed to come so naturally to her. And then, just as you feared, you slipped, your calves not used to holding up all your weight from your toes.

Before you knew it, a long, strong arm snaked around your waist as your hand was pulled by another, forcing your tumbling body into an upright position and being pulled into a firm, warm embrace. Carmilla held you steady, and without missing a beat, the woman smoothly transitioned into a pas de deux, pulling you close and along as if it were the most natural thing in the world. In her embrace, you felt a sense of security and belonging, almost a sense of awe, as if for this moment, the chaos of hell outside faded away, leaving only the two of you to burn like hot flames, dancing flames, swirling and flickering in untamed perfect harmony.

You stumbled at first, trying to keep up with Carmilla's practiced steps, but she guided you with patience and grace, leading you through the intricate movements with ease. As you danced together, you felt a connection deeping between you two, a silent understanding that transcended words; a passionate inferno.

Carmilla moved you through each step with a confidence that stirred the progressively boiling pot within you. As you looked up into her glowing eyes, you saw a flicker of emotion that mirrored your own desire, a silent longing that spoke volumes without even a single word being spoken aloud. Every brush of skin against skin sent a shiver down your spine, turning up the flames beneath your pot.

As the music swelled, Carmilla's arms lifted you easily into the air, your body weightless to her. You felt the rush of adrenaline mixed with the desire for Carmilla herself, sending a surge of electricity coursing through your veins. Seeing the woman beneath you, looking up at you, was a sight to behold, the romanticized music and red moonlight tinting the marble floor only adding to the fantastical scene. You did everything in your power to not reach out and caress the beautiful face before you.

When the music reached its end, Carmilla gently lowered you back down onto the floor, carefully allowing you to steady yourself before letting go of you. You already missed her touch, missed her too, though she was right there in front of you.

You stood breathless. Was it from the dancing, or was it from Carmilla? Unfortunately, you already knew the answer to that. With a slight part of her lips, as if she wanted to express something, Carmilla brushed a stray hair from your face, her touch causing your heart to skip and pulse with speed.

"You dance beautifully," she whispered, her voice barely above a whisper.

Gazing into each other's eyes, in that moment, you knew what you had to say. Summoning all your courage, you took a closer step forward, your heart pounding in your chest as you closed your eyes a moment to cope. "Carmilla," you began, your voice trembling with emotion. "There's something I need to… want to.. tell you.”

“Yes?” was all the taller woman spoke.

Taking a deep breath, you shook your head and held your hands together in comfort. You gathered your thoughts, your heart desperately wanting release. "I... I…” You chuckled nervously, laughing at your own nerves. “Carmilla… I love you," you confessed, your voice a faint murmur. "I've never... felt this way.. about anyone before… so passionately about someone before. You're... you're just so perfect. You're everything to me.”

For a moment, there was silence, complete silence as the music finally cuts off with its ending. The atmosphere with anticipation, you fear the worst and quickly open your mouth to take back the words you announced. And then, skipping your heart once more, Carmilla reached out and placed her sueded hand delicately on your cheek, so delicate, she might as well not be touching you at all.

“And I love you, mi amor, mi corazón," she whispered, her voice filled with warmth and affection. "I have for far longer than I care to admit.”

You were stunned, in awe. How could she say something so easily? You stood there, barely able to comprehend Carmilla's confession. A twitchy smile tugged at the corners of your lips.

"You... you love me?" you repeated, the words feeling foreign yet undeniably sweet on your tongue.

“With my whole soul," the ballet woman replied, her voice steady and unwavering.

A scoff fell from your lips before evolving into full chuckles, the sound filled with a mix of sheer disbelief and happiness. "I can't… I can't believe this," you murmured, shaking your head in amazement. "I never thought... I never dared to even hope…” But as you looked on into Carmilla's white eyes, you knew that her words were real, that the love you felt for each other was genuine and true. For some reason, the confession smothered you, and you could almost pass out.

“Hell… I really do love you, my Carmilla.” you said, your voice filled with conviction and need. "More than I ever thought possible.”

Carmilla hummed deeply in delight at that. A full smile dressed her black painted lips, a rare and truly radiant expression that lit up her entire face. Boldly, Carmilla allowed her thumb to gently graze over your bottom lip.

"May I kiss you?" she asked, her bubbly, velvety voice putting you in a daze.

You nodded eagerly, your heart getting ready to burst in your chest as Carmilla leans in closer and closer, her lips hovering just inches away from yours. With a gentle brush of her lips against yours, the world seemed to explode into fireworks. Passion and desire bursting within, each popped spark igniting a fervent longing that enveloped you both in a whirlwind of ecstasy and enchantment.

Maybe it was just Charlie's, the princess of hell’s firework spell that she does at work.

Reluctantly pulling apart from the kiss, you smile up at Carmilla, and she smiles down at you, admiring you. You held each other close, savoring the moment and the overwhelming rush of emotions. In the quiet of the ballroom, surrounded by the gentle flapping of the curtains, you found heaven in each other's arms. With a contented sigh, Carmilla rested her head against your shoulder, her arms completely wrapped around you in a comforting hug. And as you stood there, basking in the warmth of her touch, you knew that no matter what challenges lay ahead, as long as you had each other, you could overcome anything… such as your insulting ballet skills.

[razorblade180]

Crystal Clear

[2.5 spoilers]

Jiaoqiu: *listening to music*…..!? General?

Feixiao:*opening door* Heh, wow. Hand on the doorknob and you already knew. I guess what they say about heightened senses is true. You might be able to hear Moze at this rate.

Jiaoqiu:My ears have always been good, but it’s actually your scent that gave it away. I’ve been by your side a long time after all.

Feixiao:Clearly. You’re comfortable enough to boldly talk about my scent of all things. Any normal woman would berate you.

Jiaoqiu:I guess I’m lucky you’re an extraordinary one then. *smiles*

Feixiao:….How has your day been?

Jiaoqiu:Moze stopped by earlier to aid me in making a meal. In the end, we ordered take out.

Feixiao:I’m sorry.

Jiaoqiu:Hehe, what for? We knew the attempt was rather audacious. Apparently both of us have yet to regain complete steadiness when it comes to holding a blade. He should be fine in a few more days. As for I, well, it’s probably for the best I don’t make another attempt at mincing for the time being. How was your day?

Feixiao:Time never stops. Even at my speed. I got through it all though.

He hears her footsteps draw closer until his mattress begins to sink in beside him. Feixiao’s breathing was both steady and subtle. Those two things alone told him that her physical health was stronger than ever.

Jiaoqiu:Sounds like regular day, with a little added weight of the future. Please remember to pace yourself. Recovered or not, I think many would agree you and many others earned an opportunity to slow down if only for a few days.

Feixiao:I’m okay. Nothing a good night’s rest won’t fix.

Jiaoqiu:Is that so? So, was there anything you wanted to tell me? Despite what I just said, I’m sure you’re pretty busy.

Feixiao:I need an excuse to se- visit you? It’s only natural I stop by at least once a day.

Jiaoqiu:I’m touched. Still, I can operate a phone. You don’t have to go through the trouble of-

Feixiao:It’s not trouble. It’s…It’s never going to be trouble; so don’t ever call it that.

Jiaoqiu:…Do you remember what I told you at the Alchemy commission? Feixiao, do not weigh yourself down with regrets I do not have myself. My choices are my own.

Feixiao:And I dare not deny that or tarnish your efforts with “regret.” That being said, you can’t tell me not to be angry with myself; with the situation ahead. You tell me to pace myself and honestly, you’re right.

Jiaoqiu:But? There’s always a “but” with this.

Feixiao:My vows to both The Hunt and you are absolute. My only annoyance is if my own vision wasn’t so integral for the battles ahead, then the wouldn’t be a thing in the universe stopping me from giving you an eye.

Jiaoqiu:…Hmm, after all these centuries of calling me the dramatic one, you go ahead and say such a thing.

Feixiao:What can I say? You are the company you keep, and I have a pretty over the top doctor hehe.

Jiaoqiu:You know I’d never take it. Even if it was just one. Being blind is a learning curve yes, but nothing I won’t master. And just like you wouldn’t dare jeopardize or rush your vow to lead the charge, there’s no need to find help for me quickly.

………

Jiaoqiu:Feixiao, I must tell you something. I don’t fear missing out on seeing what may come and we both know I will still be by your side anyway I can. I don’t even fear forgetting your face, because it’s not possible. For ages now, anytime I ever closed my eyes, I’d still see you with that famous smile of yours. Crystal clear, like an undisturbed lake. Even now, I see you. So please, wipe your tears and keep those ears high.

Called out, plain and simple. Feixiao hadn’t stifled a single breath and yet somehow she was now fully convinced he knew exactly how her tears ran down her face and the way her ears fell in anguish. Feixiao wasn’t sure if she should let out a sad chuckle or simply strike the pillow nearby to get rid of any amount of frustration.

Slowly, his hand reached for her and Feixiao was quick to take hold; she moved in as could as possible, practically climbing on to him and hugging him tightly. There was no need to hide her face and yet Feixiao buried it into the crook of his neck while he rubbed her back gently. This was beyond frustrating in a way she had never realized. Was this a fraction of how he felt everyday, searching tirelessly for a cure all for her sake?

Feixiao:The strength you hold is truly something to behold, Jiaoqiu.

Jiaoqiu:I didn’t gain it alone. I was inspired. I’m still inspired. *hugs tighter*

Feixiao:I suppose I will listen to my doctor’s advice this time and allow myself to shorten my stride just for a while. I’m staying right here.

Jiaoqiu:A fine choice I welcome completely. *rests his head* I really do… love this scent.

[janesgms]

Astro notes - 02

✨️ General Edition ✨️

Air placements could be more "air-headed" and hazy than water placements, specially when they're in places where they feel uncomfortable. this happens because air people's minds never stops and they will zone out all the time if you're not interesting enough to keep their minds on you.

If they also have personal planets in water signs or houses, then they will be kind of dumb too because they will be on their own world all the time. type of people who don't need drugs or alcohol to feel high, just a little bit of music lol

Underveloped leo mars & venus people with other earth/fire placements (specially moon) need to do therapy asap. they need to stop being bad and throwing their anguishes/traumas/bad energies on people who have nothing to do it, and they still do it thinking is not a big deal. You guys can be SO, but SO incredible and genuine people when you want, you shouldn't let your demons get control over you, because you're traumatizing others and losing your inner child slowly

Hi, how are you doing woman with heavy lilith energy? I know you think you'll never find true love and that men will always want to use your for their own pleasures but just know you will be happy in love one day and you're bigger than these negative beings 💖. But always be careful with people's envy in general.

Also, what is it that these women seem to make some insecure men hate them for no reason? Specially if they also have pluto placements These women (maybe subconsciouly) show that they won't lower their head to any trash of a man just bc they are men and i'm here for it. they're the true definition of powerful women when they learn how to use their gifts

Oh. my. God. why people are so freaking obsessed with spreading rumours about women with leo stelliums? leave us aloneeee 😭

People with young souls are such a pain in the ass smh... if you know someone who's a child forever (in the bad sense), this people is probably in her first/second life and they have a long loooong way to learn their lessons

Why do guys with gemini + cancer placements write and act like old men on social media? It's funny but also cute. they also can be such dads sometimes 🥺

Older souls usually get better with other older souls, they might find young souls really shallow or even "dumb". You usually get along more with people who have the same amount of lives as you or a close number

If you have the same amount of lives with someone, you probably feel connected to this person, it may be due to how you'll probably learn similar lessons in this lifetime

Quintiles and biquintiles are very important aspects to look in a synastry. they're as important as trines/sextiles/squares in my opinion

People with 12th house + taurus planets in natal need to be careful with smell addictions (drugs) and cigarettes even more than with alcohol

Venus in 1st house people marry with me now (it's an order 🔪)

I think natal houses are very forgotten when people talk about synastry. I know overlays are important but the natal houses are more because they reflect the native's nature. If you have the same houses in planets with different signs or houses that naturally match each other, it creates an important connection too

Virgo suns are the real clean freaks, virgo risings only look put together they are actually messy

10th, 6th and 2th house overlays in synastry are huge indicators of marriage.

10th house: means admiration, public life, adoration, social status, career you will always find this person cool, you will wanna be seen with her and you will cherish her on her career life, people wil lfind you good together. a power couple

6th house: means routine, everyday life, health & also work. you will care for this person's health and you will be part of her daily life, also cherish her work. a couple who does everything together lol (go to the gym, shower, skin care, cooking, brushin teeth even 😭)

2nd house: means material posessions, gains, sensations. you will gain material posessions when together, you may be posessive of them, you will bring money to the house together, you will be successful. a luck charm couple.

The vesta aspects in your chart can indicate how you will feel about your partner in the moment you lose your virginity.

vesta positive aspects to ascendant: you will find your partner expressive, personal, beautiful and you will like it

vesta positive aspects to venus: you will find your partner loving, soft, feminine, beautiful, delicate and you will like it

vesta positive aspects to mars: you will find your partner sexual, masculine, passionate, fiery, fast or aggressive and you will like it

Psyche conjunct personal planets in synastry mutually will make both of them thinking of the other 24/7, they will also feel a mental connection to each other

Venus conjunct ascendant in natal will make the individual very beautiful but they won't see that and hate pictures if they have 12th house placements or the venus is in the 12th house 😭 I wish they could see themselves the way other seem, they would feel more confident (even if they show they are, is just a natural thing for them, it doesn't mean they think they are confident)

Your death in your last past life could show in this lifetime as an inexplicable pain sometimes. I was murdered in my last life by my husband who cut my head off and I feel a pain in the back of my neck when I travel long rides and I rest my head in the seat - is so annoying tbh

Remember you may not have any past life in this world because this could be your first life (that's why you could be a shallow person, but I doubt any first liver would be reading this post, nah, they're probably busy being a kid lol, i kind of see why)

12th house people could naturally attract medium people from a young age without even realizing it, and these medium are also 12th housers/pisceans lol

You will always aspire to be like people who have personal placements in the sign of your north node

People with euterpe (27) in libra positively aspecting personal placements in mercurial or venusian signs, can have a beautiful singing voice, a sweet tone that remembers you of sunshine and freshness, or just a pleasant voice in general, even if it's not good technically. This can also apply to euterpe positively aspecting the venus.

Sagittarius mercuries need to be careful of what they say, they always hurt someone when saying something without even noticing 😟

This is a serious one, tw: murder. I just found out someone made black magic to kill me, and there are 4 obsessor behind me now. Now guess what I have in my lunar return chart? Sun, pluto and mercury in the 8th house. I also have bml in the 8th house and 8° in my solar return chart. Be careful with 8th house planets in solar/lunar return charts guys... (And send good energies to me)

Now this is it! I'll fix this post later, bye! Good night guys Update: I'm not dead and they're gone now <3

[karniss-bg3]

i know you usually don't tackle female!tav x kar'niss but if you had to give it a shot... just something wholesome maybe? esp since the Absolute is feminine-coded all throughout the game, the overtones could be there for kar'niss to see a kind good-aligned femme!tav as a goddess to worship all for himself. maybe just a scene of her tending to his wounds or arachnid peculiarities as a drider—i.e: maybe he molts and the process is painful but she helps him through it with comfort and grace?

[Music]

Where had he gone? Morning light had broke and there were no signs of her eight-legged companion. Tav crawled out of her sleeping bag to survey the area with mild concern etched over her face.

“Kar’niss?”

She surveyed the area, her ears coming to perk as she caught the sound of shuffling from a nearby cave. Unafraid she advanced toward the noise, casting the light cantrip in an effort to shoo away the darkness. She’d come to find a figure huddled at the back of the cavern, curled in tight against the rock face in an effort to make himself as small as possible. She frowned while she carefully stepped closer, willing the lights nearer to get a better look at him. She noticed signs of damage along the abdomen of his lower half, the flesh knotting and bunching up unnaturally over the carapace.

“Gods, what’s happening? Are you alright?” She’d ask while trying to wander closer.

“Don’t!” He retreated tighter against the wall wanting to maintain the greatest distance between them. “This is not for you. Go away.”

She could sense the fear in him, the pain. His leg at the far back of his body lifted and curled in a vain attempt to scrape over his molting mound with pathetic results. He snarled in frustration, planting his hands against the wall, his torso slumped. She wouldn’t be intimidated able to see he was in need.

“I’ll be back,” she said, darting off.

In a few moments she returned with pack in hand, placing it down nearby to root around for supplies. Kar’niss’ eyes narrowed as he watched, a deep reverberating trill vibrating within his throat akin to a growl. Tav heard the sound for what it really was, cries from a wounded animal who didn’t know how to ask for aid. She pulled a bottle of light gray paste from her bag, unscrewing the lid and giving it a sniff to make sure the contents were still good. It smelled medicinal, a sharp tang of bitter roots and sap combined to make a potent salve. Satisfied with her test she rose and approached Kar’niss once more.

The drider reared up in response, his pedipalps rising and extending outward in a threatening manner while his two front most legs stamped into the ground with defiance.

“S-Stay away…!” Kar’niss panted, a panic starting to bubble within him. Every woman he’d ever trusted had inevitably hurt him, betrayed him in some way. Used, abused, and discarded when his usefulness had run out, why would Tav be any different?

But Tav was different, even if he could not yet see it. She held up the jar so he could get a better look. The contents were boring, bland and unimpressive in appearance, hardly what one would think could fell a drider.

“It’s medicine, Kar’niss. It will help ease the pain, allow you to heal faster. See?” She used two fingers to scoop up a dollop of the paste, applying the portion onto her own arm and rubbed it in like lotion. Once done she extended her arm so he could see for himself. It looked perfectly normal. Her flesh didn’t melt away, bubble or boil from the application, nor did it turn any unusual colors. The scent was so strong that he got a whiff and his head jerked back in response to how it tickled the inside of his nostrils.

He still seemed hesitant about what was on offer. That is until another pang of pain ripped through his body, his entire frame quaking in response. His expression twisted and teeth grit in anguish.

“Hnnng!” He tried to turn and reach back to touch the pained segment but he couldn’t reach, his spine unable to twist at such an angle. His brows furrowed, his attention returning to Tav who tried so hard to offer him help. With his lips pressed into a thin line a slow sigh spilled from his lips. “You may...apply this medicine. But do not linger!”

She smiled at him. “Thank you. It...might sting a little, but far less so than what you’re enduring now.”

Tav approached his side to get a better look at the damage. It did seem he was molting and only midway through, suggesting this would be a long day. The carapace that had fallen away left tender pink flesh behind, exposed and vulnerable during this stage of the process. She’d first snap away the dead skin that still clung to him, knowing better than to peel beyond that. This process couldn’t be hurried it needed to continue at the pace it was destined to go. Still, she could at least be rid of the excess and provide him relief from the weight.

Kar’niss was on edge throughout, watching over his shoulder at the ready for the flash of a dagger, the buzz of threatening magic, anything she could do to strike at him. None of that would come to pass. Instead with the removal of the discarded carapace she now had access to the fresh skin below. Her fingered dabbled into the salve and applied a coating over the surface. Despite her warning about the inevitable sting, Kar’niss scrambled and backed up into the corner, a monstrous screech echoing throughout the cave.

Tav backed up quickly and held up her hands. “Easy, easy now. Shh it’s alright.” She cooed, her voice maintaining a delicate hum to keep things calm.

A sheen of sweat trickled over Kar’niss’ face along with the threat of tears in his eyes, heavy exhales of breath pushed between his clenched teeth. He was on the verge of snapping at Tav once more until he felt something unexpected; Relief. The salve started to work it’s magic over the affected area. A cooling sensation crept over the sensitive skin leaving behind a pleasant tingle, effectively numbing the nerves from further assault. He blinked in stunned silence. Her method not only worked but it stopped the pain rather than enhancing it. He glanced at his rounded back-end with a firm look of contemplation, his abdomen lifted and issued a cursory wiggle. His gaze then darted back to her, his savior, the anger steadily fading away.

“That’s better, isn’t it?” Tav smiled and screwed the lid back onto the jar. “It should stave off the pain for at least a few hours, I’ll need to apply more after that. At least now you know what to expect. We can remain here until the process finishes. I’ll keep an eye out, guard the cave and bring you something to eat. How does that sound?”

Kar’niss bobbed his head in a quick nod, still a little taken back by this new revelation. He rubbed at one of his arms to self soothe, struck by a new wave of thoughts he didn’t know how to process yet.

“...Thank you,” he whispered.

Tav stepped closer and rested her fingertips on one of his pedipalps, another gesture that brought him great shock. “You’re welcome. Remember I am here for you, okay?” Their eyes met briefly which made something inside his chest flutter, wild and free. His lips trembled enough to where he jerked his gaze away, worrying his lower lip between his teeth.

“I won’t be gone long. Let me know if the pain returns,” Tav said. She’d then slip away to give the drider his space, smiling at him over her shoulder until her silhouette faded from the cave entrance.

Kar’niss looked on in an effort to process it all. He lowered himself to the ground to rest while the pain was quelled, glancing back from time to time where the medicine had been applied. Steadily a slow, lopsided smile tugged at his scarred lips, a warmth growing inside of him unlike any he’d known before. He looked to the cave entrance, watching and waiting, for her to return.

“My Queen.”

[yns-world]

'Till Death Do Us Part

Pairing: Johnny Silverhand x Fem!Idol!Reader part 1 and part 2 A/N: V goes by she/her pronouns. Y/S/N = Your Stage Name Bold Italics is Johnny speaking. WC: 1.5k this was requested by the lovely @diabolusdevia, i hope you enjoy :)

When V was first introduced to Johnny’s engram, she was overwhelmed with this indescribable rage; a rage so deep and sharp that she was afraid it would kill her right that second.

But like the waves of a summer storm, the pounding rage gave way to a duller, more prominent feeling in the background— a profound feeling of anguish that consumed her.

The anguish was followed with memory after memory of a woman— a woman that performed side-by-side Johnny, a woman that was curled into his side— those memories gave V the tiniest bit of hope, before those feelings were ultimately crushed by the images of the same woman crying and lashing out.

V’s eyes flicked back and forth as she processed the memories, and she felt and heard everything that Johnny was feeling in those moments. She could feel the nostalgia that Johnny experienced, she could feel the love and adoration he still felt for her even when the woman was pushing him away.

The memories of the woman faded out, and all that was left was an empty gray space of time. V expected Johnny’s last memories to be of the Arasaka bombing, but no. 

Johnny’s last memory was of a bird’s eye view of that same woman, walking out of the very tower he would destroy. 

In that memory, V’s heart was torn to shreds before they were spat in hate and resentment.

“Y/N L/N.” V whispered, and she immediately felt the aching of her heart.

“Y/N L/N, Y/S/N, Mother of Cyberpop, key to my heart. Architect of my death. That heartbreaker goes by many names.” Johnny reiterated, appearing next to V and lighting a cigarette.

“I think that bombing is what killed you but okay…” V thought to herself, but only earned a scoff from Johnny.

“I can see and everything that pops up in your mind, wise ass.” Despite the harsh tone, Johnny carried a longing in his own mind. 

Johnny would never admit it to himself, but V was witnessing every fleeting thought that Johnny experienced every waking second, and they were all immersed in Y/N.

Where V had thoughts of survival and how to get rid of the terrorist in her head, Johnny could do nothing but replay the last few years of his life. And among those few years, all he thought about was Y/N.

It was nonstop, V couldn’t even hear her own thoughts. 

“Enough!” V shouted, startling the both of them. “It’s been 40 fucking years! You still haven’t moved on?”

“It hasn’t been 40 years for me. The Arasaka bombing happened just yesterday. Just yesterday I saw her for the first time in a year.”

V rubbed her face in agony.

“Does Y/N still make music?” Johnny’s question took V by surprise, but what was even more shocking was the twinkle in his eyes at the thought of listening to Y/N’s velvet voice once again.

“Not that I know of.”

And just like that, Johnny’s hope shriveled up and was tossed to the side just like the rest of his emotions.

“How about we go find her and ask her yourself?” The words just slipped out of V’s mouth without a second thought and her heart jumped at the worst case scenario. The last thing she wanted to do was upset an already ticking terrorist.

Johnny lifted his head and looked at V with a stone-cold face and for a second, V thought he was plotting to kill her right then and there.

“Alright kid. Let’s do it.”

It didn’t take a visit to a fixer to find Y/N, a simple internet search was all that was needed to find out that she was residing at a nursing home out in the countryside by the sea.

It was a 10 hour drive to get there, but Johnny didn’t let V have a wink of sleep once they arrived. 

Sleep deprived and urgently being pushed through the entrance, V walked up to the front desk.

From the outside, the residence was a beautiful building that sat by itself on acres of open land. The sea was only a few hundred feet from the building, and there were miles of beautiful grass dotted with trees. The wind carried the smell of salt and tranquility, and eased both the minds of V and Johnny.

At the front desk of the lavish lobby, V introduced herself. “Hi, I’m here to see Y/N L/N.”

The secretary’s eyebrows raised in surprise. “Oh? And what is your relation?”

V’s brain started scattering around for a response before she sheepishly responded. “Uh…I’m a family friend.”

The secretary sent a suspicious look but didn’t prod further.

“Right this way.” The secretary ushered V—and Johnny—to follow her outside to the backyard. 

Sitting on a bench under a tree, an elderly woman stared out at the gray sea.

“Ms. Y/N, you have a visitor.” The secretary calmly approached the woman, to which she glanced over at the visitor in question before turning her gaze back to the sea.

“She’s a quiet one, doesn’t speak much.” The secretary noted before leaving them alone.

V took a step forward, but Johnny stood back, frozen.

With a glance back at Johnny, V spoke.

“Hi, Ms. L/N. I’m V.” 

Seconds passed with silence. V thought she hadn’t heard her and was about to repeat herself when a soft voice spoke out.

“V…short for Valerie?”

Under normal circumstances, V would lash out at the mention of her real name, but this time she kept her mouth shut. 

“Yes, Valerie.”

A few more seconds, and then— “What a beautiful name.” The ends of Y/N’s lips curved just slightly into a hint of what could be called a smile, but was gone with the next wind.

“Uh..thanks.”

“Sit, child.”

V did as she was told, and looked back to see Johnny but he was already gone. Weird.

Neither of them spoke for the next few minutes, and V relished in that peace. There was no expectation to fill the silence. The two women stared out at the sea, lost in their own thoughts. 

Except V’s thoughts were not her own, rather they were Johnny’s scatterbrained anxiety running a mile a minute. 

It was clear that Johnny wasn’t coming out anytime soon, and there was no point in waiting it out. Might as well rip the band aid off now.

“This might sound crazy…but just hear me out,” V took a deep breath before continuing, “Johnny…Johnny Silverhand is technically alive…” V didn’t know whether to stop or tell her the full truth, but there was no point in omitting anything now. “His soul resides in an engram that’s in my head.” V pointed to the microchip slot behind her ear.

V wasn’t expecting an immediate response, but minutes had passed without a reaction and worry began to brew in both V and Johnny.

“This was a stupid fucking idea. Why the fuck did we come here in the first place. I doubt she even remembers me. Why would she remember me? Why would she even want to remember me? After the hell I put her through-”

Johnny’s usual cold persona was beginning to crumble and it felt worse than the shitty attitude V had to put up with. 

But breaking through Johnny’s spiral was that same soft, steady voice.

“I believe you.”

V was gobsmacked and Johnny immediately materialized next to her. 

“What- how-” V stammered.

“You just have a feeling about these things.” That same, small smile graced Y/N’s lips, but this time, they were accompanied with the flow of tears. “Oh, Johnny.” She whispered.

“I’m right here, baby.” Johnny was kneeling in front of Y/N holding onto her knobby, fragile hands. His own face stained with parallel trails of tears— trails of the pain he’s endured, with and without her. 

“You want to tell her anything?” V thought to Johnny.

At the moment, Johnny made firm eye contact with Y/N but spoke through V’s mouth.

“I’ve never stopped loving you, my sweet little rockstar. Not once, not ever.”

V and Johnny sat on the bench, underneath the tree, closest to the sea.

Johnny’s fingers brushed over the newly-made plaque—

“Y/N L/N, Y/S/N, and key to our hearts.”

“Guess we gotta give her a drink at the Afterlife, now.” V stated with a sniffle.

“It’s the least she deserves.”

“One Y/S/N and One Johnny Silverhand, coming right up!” Claire shouted before heading back to get the ingredients.

“Pink lemonade, a dash of vodka, and a pretty green lime.” Both Claire and V recited at the same time.

“Enjoy.” Claire smiled and pushed her Y/S/N’s drink.

“To Y/S/N and Johnny, the coolest rock stars to have ever lived.” V clinked glasses with Claire and threw her head back. 

a/n: i hope you enjoyed! if you did, please consider reblogging since it helps my account! :) DON'T BE A GHOST READER!!!! i would love to hear your thoughts and opinions, and comments are what keep writers going <3 i'm open to cyberpunk requests so feel free to send me one &lt;3 as always, have a great day and i'll see y'all in the next one <3

[startrekfangirl2233-writes]

Summer 2020 - The Hard Deck

Chapter 8 Part 2 of You Are My Soulmate

Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw x Reader

Description: Bradley Bradshaw is in love. He's so in love with his beautiful soul his heart aches when he's around her. So when she lobs an offer - to be hers, to make her his - his way, he takes her up on it. Now that he’s been given permission to chase what he’s been longing for, he’s chasing her with everything he’s got.

Disclaimers: Misogynistic speech. Mentioned Homosexual Relationships. Angst. Flagrant disregard for protocols or Authority. Angst. Anguish.

This content presented in this story is for audiences age 18 and over only. MINORS DNI. I will not be accepting tag-list requests from Blank or Ageless Blogs for this story.

Warnings: Female!Reader

Word Count: 2620

A/N: Hiya lovelies! Here we finally, finally, are! This is the smut chapter for Rooster and Tinkerbell! It's been a long time coming (both for Roo and Tink, and for how long it took me to write this). I hope you all adore this chapter as much as I adore all of you!

AO3: Cross-posted Here!

Wattpad: Cross-posted Here!

My Masterlist

Previous Part | Series Masterlist | Next Part

Rooster

“Who said I was saying goodnight, Roo?” 

She’s going to be the death of him. Only thirty-five years old and his gravestone is officially going to say “Here lies Bradley ‘Rooster’ Bradshaw, a sad, horny, sappy fuck for his soulmate”. It’s a little wordy, sure, but as far as epitaphs go this one is probably right on the money. Tinkerbell just had to say something like that, didn’t she? She has no idea how hard he finds it to keep his hands off of her. He’s wanted to touch her ever since the first night he met her. He can still remember the feeling of her skin, how her soft curves had looked in that sundress, how she felt against the palms of his hands. She’s seared her way into his memory, visceral and unreal. How is it possible he can touch her whenever he wants to now?

Standing in the half-light of the lone street light shining down over The Hard Deck’s parking lot, Bradley’s struck with the realization he wants to do a lot more than just touch his soulmate. But he can't, he won't. He’s been forcing himself to be respectful. He promised her after all, promised they would go at her speed. But it’s been torture. There are only so many kisses and far from chaste makeout sessions a man should have to endure with his soulmate before he explodes.

Now that he’s been given permission to chase what he’s been longing for, he’s chasing her with everything he’s got. He’s not one of the best aviators in the US Navy by luck, and he can drive just as well as he can fly. But the name of the game isn’t beating her. The name of the game is showing his pretty soul how much he wants her. So he stays right behind her cherry convertible as music blares softly from the radio. He catches the lyrics in snippets and snatches of sound, humming tunelessly to the beat. She leads him to her house, a cute, homey, little beachside house like the one he once dreamed he would raise a family in. Right now, there’s only one woman he would ever think about starting a family with. She’s standing right in front of him, with the prettiest sparkling eyes and wearing a sundress to rival the dress she was wearing the summer night he met her for the first time.

“Aren't you a sight for sore eyes, beautiful.”

He's completely in love, head-over-heels for his sweet soul. Now, he's going to take the chance to show her how much, starting with a kiss. She smells like orange blossoms, the delicate scent tracing over the curve of her jaw and dripping down her smooth curves. It’s no wonder he can’t resist tracing his nose over the same sweet jaw. Her breathy moans and tender gasps send fire through him. When he finally kisses his beautiful soul, a press of lips against her clavicle, he drinks her in like the air he needs to breathe. His kisses travel over her skin, featherlight as he follows the thud of her pulse up her jaw, traveling until he captures her parted lips with his own. They’re sweet, tasting like lime and sugar and summer all rolled into one. She feels like velvet on the pads of his fingers, skin hot as he traces his hands up her thighs, squeezing the firm flesh tenderly just to hear her moan. The little sundress rucks up with each sweeping brush, until he’s clasped his fingers around the junction of her thigh.

“Fuck.” The word leaves him in a groan against her perfect pout, because he was expecting to feel a scrap of lace around her waist, not bare, silken skin.

“You’re not wearing panties tonight, darling?”

“Nah.” Her voice sounds just as wrecked as his is, just from tender touches and even sweeter kisses. “Wanted you tonight.”

“So you were walking around all night, wearing this pretty little dress, knowing one spin on the dance floor would be enough to show everyone there your pretty little pussy? My pretty little pussy?”

Bradley’s sure he’s going to lose his mind. As if his sweet soul hasn’t been killing him all night already, with her sweet smile and infectious laugh. If he’d known what she was - more likely what she wasn’t wearing under her pretty dress, he would have dragged her out of the bar hours ago.

“Your pretty little pussy?” Her laugh is ethereal in the moonlight, her eyes fever-bright as he kisses her again, just because he can.

“Mmmhmm.” He growls his response against the long line of her throat, if only to feel her shiver at the vibration of his voice, the brush of his mustache over her skin.

“You gonna let me take you upstairs, pretty girl?” Her eyes are blown so wide, he could count the stars in them. The moan slipping off her tongue as she shivers in his arms has to be the definition of the sexiest sound on earth. It's also an answer he'd love to explore, so he muscles the door open, gentle with his pretty soul crushed between the door and his bulk.

She squeaks, honest to god squeaks when he lifts her up, his hands sinking into the plush skin of her thighs, velvety soft as they cling to his torso. If she’s going to be this pliable, this sweet, Bradley’s going to sweep her off her feet whenever he can. 

But sweeping Tinkerbell off her feet again will have to wait for another day. Right now, all Bradley wants is to see what other sounds he can make spill out of her perfect lips. Kissing her makes her sigh and curl her fingers through his hair, each soft exhale making his dick twitch, trapped beneath layers of cotton and denim as it is.

“God, Roo.” She’s moaning his name and Bradley’s so turned on he can't think straight. So while he very much would like to ravish his soul on her bed for the first time, he's not sure he can wait any longer. He sets Tink down on the sofa in her living room, tugging her until her ass is off the edge.

She smells so good, like the ripest orange as he rucks the dress up over her waist, big hands caressing the pillowy soft skin of her stomach, sweeping the undersides of her breasts.

“Roo, please!” Hearing his soulmate beg, he's not embarrassed to report, makes him groan, low in his chest.

“Fuck, sweetheart. ‘M right here. But you gotta tell me where you want me, pretty girl. Until you can find the words, I'm gonna stare at your pretty pussy and kiss your soft skin.”

She gasps at his words, eyes widening as her hands scrabble to tug the rest of her dress off. When she's standing in front of him, just in her heels, bare with shafts of moonlight glistening on her skin, Bradley has to groan again. He thanks the universe vacantly as she tugs his hands up until they're resting over her breasts, her nipples peakdd against his palm. She fits his hands like she was made for him - well, she was.

“Roo!” 

He grins as he tucks his head against her sternum, nuzzling the swell of her perfect tits as he tugs her closer. The kisses he trails over her skin now are wet and hot. By the time he's kneeling on the floor at her feet, her chest heaves, nipples peaked.

“You gotta tell me where you want me, sweetheart. Or it's only kisses you're going to get tonight.”

Her little growl of frustration shouldn't be just as sexy as it is cute. But she shivers under the sweep of his hands over his thighs anyway before croaking, “Want your mouth on me, Roo.”

It's a start. He presses a kiss against her hip, before looking back up with the closest grin to one of Hangman's shit-eating smirks as he can muster.

“What else, pretty girl?”

“No, Roo! No!”

Her words must be failing her, and isn't it a gorgeous sight? Pretty, poised, sharp-tongued Tinkerbell robbed of her tongue just because she wants him so desperately.

“You have’ta tell me what you want, beautiful. Every word. As detailed as you can.”

He can almost see the rage in her as she cups his cheek, as he kisses the pads of her fingers absentmindedly.

“I want you, Roo. I want you to put your mouth on me, eat me out like a man starved. I want you to make me cum because of your fingers and your mouth. Then I want you to fuck me so hard I see stars and can't walk straight.”

He's impressed she was able to string so many words together when he can already see the sheen of her arousal staining the insides of her thighs.

“Good girl.” He murmurs, before kissing the smooth skin below her navel. She squeaks again at the endearment before going pliant under his palms as he manhandles her onto the sofa again. This time, her thighs part eagerly, and he kisses each long muscle before sinking into her like a man starved.

She comes alive under his hands, his soulmate, her muscles arching like a live wire with every lave of his tongue. Her fingers clutch at his hair, tugging, and Bradley finds he likes the pleasure-pain when it's his soulmate doing the pulling. She's so wet he can feel her dripping onto his tongue and by the time he presses one finger into her, she's already sobbing his name.

He's so hard, he's not sure he'll make it to the second part of her request, but he's going to try. His pretty soul takes in two of his fingers, and when he slides up to kiss her, hand still pressing into her wet cunt, she mewls his name so hard the kiss is harsh. When he pulls away, her lips are swollen from the force and her tits bounce with each thrust. His pretty soulmate's hips meet his palm with a slap and she looks strung out already.

While he's there, he sucks one perfect nipple into his mouth, flicking the bud with his tongue. Her walls clench tight around his fingers and if he were in her, he probably would have cum already. Right now, what he needs is for her to. She's so close, all it would take is a little more.

“You gonna cum for me, sweetheart?” 

He growls the words against her nipple, mustache brushing over the wet peak with each word, and she cums with a moan that will reverberate through his dreams. Her arousal coats his fingers when he pulls out of her, and she moans in embarrassment when he licks it away.

When he stands, stretching out his sore legs, he decides this is his favorite view of his soulmate. Eyes blown wide, hair in disarray, chest heaving, pretty wet pussy on full display. If he had his dad's polaroid, he'd snap a pic to save for long deployments. He's sure it would be a paltry substitute for the real deal, but at least he'd have a part of her with him.

“You like what you see, Roo?”

“If you only knew, Tink.”

“Then why aren't you naked?” She's like a siren-call on stormy seas when she pulls him closer by his belt loops hands gentle as she pushes off the Hawaiian shirt he's wearing. She's less gentle as she rips the tank top underneath off, but he can't think when she kisses his chest while her hands cup his dick through the jeans.

“Off, Roo. Take these clothes off!”

Bossy Tinkerbell is a turn on of his, too. God forbid he ever has to be ordered around by his perfect soul on base because he'd probably be hard in milliseconds at the confidence in her voice. He tells her as much and is treated to the most perfect laugh, this one mixed with a breathy moan when he pinches her nipples. When he's as bare as his soul he kisses her, taking the opportunity to knead her ass cheeks and hear her breath hitch.

“Mmm, fuck me, Roo.” 

Tink's begging when he pulls away, and when he tries to push her back onto the sofa, she pushes him down instead, straddling his waist. It's his turn to fight for breath as his soulmate sinks down, slowly, lips parting in an ‘o’ of pleasure as she takes him, inch by inch. She's tight and perfect, walls spasming around him as he fills her.

“Take it slow, beautiful.” He groans at the first fast piston of her hips.

“We've got all night to make each other feel good.”

“I make you feel good?” She gasps, tits jiggling as she bounces on his dick. There's a little insecurity in her voice, insecurity he definitely doesn't want to hear from his perfect soul.

“You feel so good for me, Tink. Perfect. Like you were made for me.”

She moans, light and throaty, the sound barely audible over the pace of their joining. Bradley’s so in love, his head is spinning. Every iota of his focus, his brain, his eyes, everything about him is focused on his pretty soulmate, with her dark eyes and perfect mouth, sharp little cries leaving kiss-bitten lips.

“Please, Roo!” Her voice echoes through her empty beach-side house, hands clutching at his shoulders as her rhythm falters.ters.

“You ready to cum for me, baby girl?”

Bradley can’t believe he’s here - that he gets to be here. He’s been pushing back the stirrings of his own orgasm all night, but her breathy moans now, coupled with how tight and wet his soul is, is too much. It crashes over him like a tsunami, headier than any orgasm he’s ever had before. It’s obvious she can feel it too, because his soul laughs, her voice filled with just as much cheeky humor as arousal.

“Mmm, you ready to come for me, Roo?”

Bradley’s only a man, too lovesick for his soul. He tugs her into a kiss, both of their skin streaked with sweat and aching for each other. The new angle gives him the leverage to thrust up, and he continues the steady pace Tink can’t keep up. It’s not long before she’s moaning, walls fluttering around his length as he bounces her. She begs for him, and he gives in, pressing into her harder and faster until she spasms around him. He barely notices his own release, he’s so enraptured by the sight of his soul. She has her head thrown back, the long line of her throat exposed to his view. Her perfect tits are in his face, gooseflesh covering every inch of her soft flesh, and he tugs one perfect globe into his mouth in an open mouthed kiss.

When he pulls away, he ends up with an armful of his soul. They’re still connected, and he feels like he couldn’t be closer to his perfect soulmate.

“God, I love you so much, beautiful.” He murmurs the words into her hair, sweat-damp yet still smelling like the orange blossoms he adores.

“I love you too, Roo.” She’s yawning, yet wearing the most gorgeous smile on her face. “Now take me to bed, my lovely soul.”

“Gotta clean you up, pretty girl.”

She moans and whines, but acquiesces anyways, pliable and sweet as he maneuvers her into the shower, cleaning their mixed releases off her skin. Yeah, he muses as he curls up next to her in the sheets of her big bed an hour later, this is exactly where he wants to be.

I DO NOT CONSENT TO HAVE MY WORK POSTED, TRANSLATED, OR PUBLISHED ON ANY SITES OTHER THAN ON TUMBLR, WATTPAD, OR AO3 BY ME. IF YOU SEE MY WORKS ANYWHERE OTHER THAN ON TUMBLR, WATTPAD, OR AO3, THEN THEY HAVE BEEN POSTED WITHOUT MY PERMISSION AND I WILL BE WORKING TO TAKE THEM DOWN.

Taglist:

@roosters-girl @infamous-reindeer @caitsymichelle13 @mattyskies

@cosmic-psychickitty @mygyn @julesclues @greenbaby12

@bubblegumbeautyqueen @briseisgone @soulmates8 @meganlpie

@captain-fandomwriter58 @caidi-paris @mazzbarnes @super-btstrash-posts

@eli2447 @chaoticassidy @kmc1989 @abaker74

@marvelouslyme96 @faithiegirl01 @shanimallina87 @harrysgothicbitch

@zombicupcake3 @djs8891 @bellaireland1981 @tsumudoll

@scoliobean @desert-fern @horseshoegirl @sarahsmi13s

@teacupsandtopgun @roosterforme @dakotakazansky @cherrycola27

[lighthouseofstories]

Hello! Can I please request an angsty hurt comfort Bf Ace fic?

The reader was pretty self-conscious of her voice when singing, but nobody on the Whitebeard crew berated her for that however her voice sounded.

But then the reader was captured by some traffickers and they removed her vocal cords.

Imagine the anguish of the reader and everyone else! Cuz like, the reader ended up losing her voice, and the ship's whole mood is down because the reader was kind of the life of the ship there.

Maybe Ace was gone when that happened, and when he comes back, he learns about it?

Then, in private, Ace sings to the reader. Like how the reader used to sing for Ace.

Just angsty hurt comfort with a bf Ace and a platonic crew.

Ocean's Sorrow Pt 1

31.07.23

TW: Kidnapping, Body Mutilation, Imprisonment

Alright so there is a lot to unpack here so I am dividing it into two parts! Hope that's ok! I'm sleep-deprived and everything is blurring into one. so I'll come back and edit it in a few days.!

You’ve always loved music. After all, music is in your blood with both your mother and grandmother being known for their lovely singing voices. Your grandmother was a singer, travelling all over the place and cheering up people with her songs. While your mother never made a profession of it, she didn’t hesitate to sing at their town’s events.

It’s probably due to this love of music that you have such warm memories of your mother and grandmother, the two holding you and singing to you whenever you were upset or needed comfort as a child. Your father too loved music, playing the piano to accompany your mother whenever he was home. But your father was a marine and duty often called, until one day his duty took him away from the two of you. 

No matter how strong of a woman your mother was, years later her broken heart caught up with her and she too left you. You continued with your life the best you could, but your home was much quieter without your parents in it. 

Then Ace suddenly appeared in your life. He was still the captain of the spade pirates at this point and the crew stopped at your town to restock. 

You were looking after some of the town children and singing to them when Ace ran into you. Since that one fateful meeting he kept following you around, getting to know you and asking you to join his crew. You were reluctant, but Ace and his stories of the world and everything it has to offer set your heart alight. As painful as it was to admit, there was nothing left for you on this island so with nervous excitement you took his hand and left with him and his crew for a new life. 

When later all of you ended up joining Whitebeard’s crew, you were incredibly shy when Ace introduced you as the singer of the crew. But no one forced you to sing if you weren’t comfortable with it. 

Slowly, over time, you got more comfortable with your new crew. On a particularly rambicious party and with liquid courage in your veins you stood on top of some barrels and took a deep breath before letting your voice ring out with some old sea shanty you learned in your hometown. The cheers and applause that rang out boosting your confidence. Standing on that barrel with your hair and skirt billowing in the wind and your arms stretched wide, you thought this was how it's always going to be. The sky above you and the sea below you, while you sing your heart out to your crew. But fate had other plans. 

Ace is away for some personal mission and you felt gloomy without him around. You finished your chores and now decide to just stare out at the sea, pining after your lover. 

“Staring at the sea won’t make Ace come back any faster Y/N.”Thatch teasingly told you as he comes over to watch the sea with you.

You sigh and smile as you turn around to face him. “Well, nothing wrong with hoping. Done with your kitchen inventory?”

“Yup. Have a list of what supplies we need to get. We should be docking in about twenty minutes. Izou, you, a few others and I will be going into town to get supplies, so be ready to leave soon.”

You nod and slowly make your way towards the ship’s disembark station. 

There are quite a few things which need buying and restocking so the three of you go from shop to shop seeing what they have and looking for the best deal. The three of you are happily chatting as you walk and you are trying not to laugh at the antics between Izou and Thatch who are playfully bickering over their beauty routines. Unfortunately your peaceful walk is interrupted when you spot some marines walking around. 

“Damn, we almost got everything. We better try and slip out of sight and go quietly. A confrontation would be a pain.” Thatch grumbles under his breath.

Well used to disappearing when the times called for it by now, you nod your head and with a serious expression say, “We should split up and quietly try to make our way back to the ship.”

The other two nod in agreement and the three of you quietly slip off in different directions.

Maybe its because when the marines were out of sight you let your guard down or they were just too well hidden, but you are suddenly yanked into an extremely narrow alley and something is stabbed into your neck. You didn’t even have a chance to fight back, whatever was injected into you working too quickly. The last thing you see before darkness overtakes you is the supplies falling to the ground. 

It’s been a few hours since Thatch, Izou and others who went to town returned to the ship, but you were nowhere to be found. 

“Dammit! We need to go and look for her!” Thatch says in frustration. 

The whole deck of the moby dick is in a tense silence, worried over their crew’s beloved songstress. Even Whitebeard has a serious expression on his face as his sons recount what happened in town. 

“Should we try and contact Ace and let him know?” Someone in the crowd murmurs. 

“No, telling Ace will cause more problems. Even though we shouldn’t be trying to contact him so as not ruin the mission, with how hot headed he is, he might do something rash and bring more problems. We’ll do our best to find Y/n yoi and rescue her. But we need to find out where she is and form a plan to get her back. Rushing bindly ahead can make the situation worse.” Marco calmly explains to the worried crew. 

Although Whitebeard didn’t say anything, the tight expression on his face shows concern for his missing daughter. 

slowly coming to, you feel your whole body screaming in pain. You see nothing but darkness and immediately panic wondering whether you’ve lost your sight. but after a few moments you're able to make out shadows and feel some relief filling you. But a new fear grows in the pit of your stomach when you realise you are in a cell. 

Feeling panic surge through you, you throw yourself at the bars, hitting them aand started shouting into the darkness. “Somebody! Is anybody there!? Please! Where am I!?”

But no answer comes, so you continue to bang and scream against the bars, hoping for someone to let you know where you are. Did your crew realise you are missing? Are they looking for you? Or did they decide that you weren’t worth the trouble? How would Ace react to you being gone?

Ace… Would you ever see your lover again? Would you ever feel the safety of being in his warm embrace? 

These thoughts make tears come to your eyes and you fall to the floor, sobbing in fear and loneliness. If only you were more careful… If only.. The string of onlys seems never ending in your mind. 

You don’t know how long it’s been, but a fully masked man comes and slides a dish of food and a cup of water to you. 

You immediately stand up and try to get his attention. “Hey! You! Who are you!? Where am I?! What are you hoping to gain?!

But the man just ignores you and continues walking away, until the door with the light shuts behind him.  

The next few days are pretty much the same. You have no way of telling how much ime really passed as the room was permanently dark, causing you to slowly go insane. You scream your lungs out, trying to get anyone’s attention to no avail. 

Then the door suddenly opens again and the same masked man along with another one walk in. 

They open the cell door and you feel unease fill you.  

“Where are you taking me?! What are you doing?!”

“Shut up, your screams are irritating to listen to. After today, you’ll no longer be able to cause a commotion. After all, people will pay a pretty price for someone who’s got looks but can’t talk back.” The other man laughs crudely at these words, sickening you.

You look at them in shock, what on earth are they talking about?! Before you have a chance to dwell on it more, you feel the same prick in your neck and then nothing.

When you wake up again you find yourself once more in your cell, but your hands quickly flew to your throat as your eyes widened at the searing pain that greeted you when you tried to swallow. From what your hands could feel, there is a crudely stitched up wound on your throat, causing you agony. 

You are unable to make any sound, all attempts ending with you writhing in agony on the floor, tears streaming down your face. What have they done to you?

[phoenixwrites]

I dislike Paige for various reasons. She was underdeveloped and her parts could be minor than Wayne's, I agree with you.

To me, it seemed that her and Eddie were in love with the dream they both represented to each other. Sure, she was described as really hot and likes him imediately, but other than that, how many reasons are left for Eddie to like her?

"oh, but she bailed him out, ahe cared about him". Eh, not so sure. Maybe she was trying to prove him wrong and wanted to be the bigger person.

Something I liked a lot about the Paige subplot was the entire fandom—even the Hellcheers, a little bit—were assuming that Paige would be taking advantage of Eddie for her own purposes. But it turned out to be the other way around! I really, really like Eddie the Fuck Up and it seems very in character to me that 19-year-old Eddie would not be able to admit the truth to Paige on what happened and instead get mad. Sometimes it’s easier to get mad than to communicate, and I see that especially for Eddie.

I was kind of…I don’t want to say I liked Paige, because she wasn’t characterized well enough for me to connect with her. I didn’t hate her. Mainly, I see her as a vehicle for my own machinations. I am firmly on team Eddie Fucks and Fights so having a Paige backstory, where Eddie was the one who fucked it up, gives me lots of fun opportunities for future fics. (I’m in the process of writing 16-year-old Chrissy venturing to the Hideout to apologize to Eddie for getting beaten up by Tommy H.—the very same night he meets Paige for the first time, yes I’m mixing up the timeline events, no I don’t care.)

What I do think the book made clear, was that Eddie wanted to be what Paige saw—barback turned frontman turned rock god. Paige invented a story about him that Eddie was eager to fit himself into. This is why, during the very boring dinner at her parents, Eddie was kind of behaving in a very un-Eddie like manner, especially when he denied knowing anything about D&D. He was also VERY into the fact that Paige was interested in him. Paige was hot, she liked his kind of music, but there was very little connection aside from that delight that Paige was attracted to him, not despite but because of his roughness. I maintain that he was straddling the line of being attracted to her and really enjoying that she is attracted to him. Like I said, that attention is sometimes very hard to distinguish from a genuine connection.

I read the bailout as a final middle finger to Eddie—a further reminder that he fucked it up totally with her and she would always be the better person, the one who got out of Hawkins. I think there was definitely a mix of her honestly caring about Eddie’s welfare, but it felt more like a final classy move from a strong woman who never needed Eddie to begin with.

What has always fascinated me about Hellcheer is how deeply Eddie and Chrissy need each other, even to the point of codependence. I prefer a Hellcheer that is desperate for each other, to the point of anguish.

Anyway, trust and believe Paige will show up in future fics, the way she textures Eddie and Chrissy is very interesting to write.

[cubixrubington]

I needed to pull up music for this it goes so hard but I'm so unfocused HASBHSADHA

I love calm characters going off the rails for a few minutes. Like. Iiro and Daneiris? Did not know of that friendship until I woke up yesterday and realized that they've worked together for YEARS and they're a good fit for each other.

Extreme empath man who's like. A little guy. But he's not a little guy that fox mask is the spirit of his dead friend AND hides the truth of what happened to him when he was younger.

Then we have a woman who group up loving creatures that are like. Yk. Illegal to have in Charington. Literally anything other than humans. Like after her father died she was so distraught and upset and was so easy to manipulate and that's how the man got his hands on her, the man she claims to love and cherish and that she claims as her partner when he is literally so. Just. BAD. AAHHHHHH. Like I don't think I could talk about it all it's pretty fucking disturbing but you can assume what kind of boyfriend he is. The worst kind. This is NOT an edgar mike relationship this is worse.

So anyways. I realized that they're pretty good friends. Like I think Iiro trusts her second most out of the ring which is odd considering I never thought about the two of them but now that I am wowee. I think like. I dunno where in the timeline this is mind you, but def before Iiro's death, maybe after Aurum's since he's the first to go, but Daneiris is just so distraught and stressed.

Like Daneiris and Aurum? Great friends. Even considered them a cursed ship in my head but she would never escape and it would just end in anguish. Yk. So his death affects her so much that she begins to shut down a little, especially towards her partner, who like. Sees this. And sees her rejecting him somewhat. And you KNOW that makes it worse.

Iiro being an empath has kinda like. Known. Yk? It's like how when you've been hurt and abused as a kid you can see it when you're older. But he feels so much and knows so much and he's so in tune with people that at this point in the timeline, he feels so helpless.

So when he realizes just how helpless Daneiris is too, it makes him so ungodly angry. He gets so fucking mad and wishes he could change it, change something, anything, make it better in some way he just wants to protect ONE person, one person in this stupid city, because he's surrounded by people who are so fucked up that it toils away at his mental state and outside of them he feels nothing. He literally can't even feel the need to eat, to live, but the goes back and no matter how crushing the feeling is, it's better than nothing.

ALL OF THIS TO SAY. I think one day Daneiris comes into work and has just had enough. She's hurting and tired and literally every small thing is able to set her off, the creatures she works so diligently to care for hurt her so much. The things she does for people mean nothing when it makes no difference. And. And. And. Just.

FUCK I can't even build up to it. The idea of her just angry, sad, in pain, wanting to let everything go, and instead just Breaking Down:tm: in Iiro's arms while he just. Swears. To actually kill a man.

Like the idea of the calmest, kindest people in the ring (except mia hi mia :3) just getting so ungodly mad together. The idea that Iiro might die when he's trying to make a difference for himself because he wants to protect the people around him. The fact that if he EVER got his boney little hands on that man he'd actually fucking kill him. Like. Beating the fuck out of him wouldn't be enough. He needs to beat the fuck out him, scream, scream some more, grab his gun and shoot like 20 bullets into him. He needs his closest companions to take a good look at what he's capable of. Because. He loves them.

It wouldn't haunt him. I think Iiro really needs an arc where he's set off and everyone realizes what kind of person he can be. He needs to be seen as a bomb by most people except for his closest friends. He needs an arc where he starts to grow and get over himself. He needs to do better for himself only to die in the end.

mwah mwah mwah I love them kisses everywhere

[commaafterdearests]

A ✨Deep Dive✨ on The Baroness, Maria, and the Sound of Music Score

I’m genuinely in one of those moods again, so here’s an _ExpandedRevised.docx version of my thread! Buckle up! This is genuinely going to be so long. 

Let’s begin at the confrontation scene: our characters, Maria and Elsa Schraeder. At this point, Elsa has broken the unshockingly shocking news that Georg is in love with Maria, and Maria is mortified. Before the scene starts, as Elsa enters Maria’s bedroom, we hear very faint strains of music only to transition from the party to the private-ness of Maria’s room. No music is actually heard in this scene -- no additional dramatics. The Goodbye Maria/How Can Love Survive Waltz - Medley (which begins with Edelweiss) begins only as Elsa exits the scene.

Now, for those who don’t know what How Can Love Survive is, it’s a song from the original Broadway Musical sung by Elsa and Max as they detail why she and Georg are yet to be engaged. 

As Elsa exits the scene and leaves Maria alone in the frame, in confusion and anguish, faint strains of Edelweiss plays. I’ll detail why that bit makes me cry later on, but let’s talk about how as the scene cuts to Elsa downstairs, looking smug as she walks into the ballroom -- smug and sure that Maria will be leaving them, the music transitions to How Can Love Survive. 

How Can Love Survive is a “champagne problem” sort of song. It talks about how money is usually in the way of romance and how utterly difficult it is to show your significant each other love when you’re rich -- but it’s alright, they’ll keep it alive anyways, as seen in this lyric.

Caught in our gold-plated chains are we, Lost in our wealthy domains are we, Trapped by our capital gains are we, But we’ll keep romance alive—

Personally, it details the shallowness of the relationship between Georg and Elsa, and also an insight on how different they are in terms of loving their significant other. The significant change of removing this in the film makes Elsa’s relationship with Georg feel much more natural -- as if drawn to each other through seeking companionship. But why use this now? It could’ve been placed anywhere within the film. Why choose this specific moment? 

It’s important to note that Elsa views Maria as a nobody -- an orphaned young woman who happens to be a postulant at Nonnberg Abbey, who also happens to be a governess in the Von Trapp home. But Maria also stands for everything that Elsa isn’t. Maria likes everything that Elsa does not -- all of which Elsa lists in How Can Love Survive. It’s a shallow song, again, sung jokingly. But in this particular scene, it answers Elsa’s question of “how can love survive?” 

Eliminate the competition, and perhaps then, Georg will learn to love her and only her. We see later on that this doesn’t happen, and if her bittersweet farewell is any indication, she’s just a woman in need of love but used so thoroughly for her money and influence.

But now the music changes again! (Bold text to keep us back on track because I got too sad about How Can Love Survive)

After Elsa’s finally in the ballroom and proposed a toast with Max because she’s gotten rid of Maria, the Edelweiss Waltz plays.

Now, I’ll be detailing why exactly I sob during these last few minutes before intermission! 

We know that the scene before The Grand and Glorious PartyTM  is the Edelweiss Scene. I don’t think I need to detail the fact that after Georg sings, he and Maria share a comfortable look -- she looks like she’s in heaven, and he gives her one of those unsure smiles... right before Elsa interrupts them with the idea of a party. And I always say that he looks at her at the very last “bless my homeland forever” unknowingly because she feels like everything home represents to him.

Edelweiss is like the oh. o h. moment when one of the characters finally realizes how much the other means to them. It, then, becomes an unspoken, subtler representation of their love -- or of love, in general, in the movie (Edelweiss sung to family = familial love, to Austria = love for country, etc.). 

To see Georg and Elsa dancing to Edelweiss -- a representation of love -- feels like a slap to our faces then. Because we know that Georg isn’t in love with Elsa -- at least romantically. We know that Elsa isn’t his homeland, but perhaps he’s pretending that she is, or making himself feel as if she’s the one that he wants or must want.

What about Maria and his mixed emotions, then?

This part feels most heartbreaking to me because this is where Georg -- who has chosen to stand firm in everything he believes -- chooses convention. 

Dancing to Edelweiss in a ballroom full of people, everyone watching them be the conventional couple -- as opposed the picture the Laendler paints, which is everything that this waltz is not.

He sets aside his feelings for Maria because how does he love her openly? 

And in this moment, Maria also chooses to leave, because it has to be the wisest choice. Why on earth would she stay when she’s “getting in the way?”

So, to answer the question: 

How can love survive? 

Before the Intermission begins, we’re all heartbroken because Georg chooses Elsa -- and we established that she got the answer to making her love survive. Making Maria leave. 

And Maria goes with this because how can her love survive anyways? To ask for the Captain’s love would be wrong. To leave God felt impossible, and she’d feel more confused with whatever she felt with every passing minute. So she chose to leave. 

Now I’m impossibly weepy over two songs, and will need to re-watch the entire movie. I’m afraid I rambled too much, but thank you for making it this far? Warm hugs!

[villanevehaus]

tagged by @thenelse to list 8 shows to get to know me better. thank u mutual Then Else it's always lovely to be tagged by u <3 these aren't in any particular order but here we go

1.sharp objects is the seminal haus tv show, the book even moreso. gillian flynn writes female characters and protagonists in a way that is just gritty and gross and as whole characters who make mistakes and have grudges and shitty opinions. as a bitch who used to self harm, used to have substance abuse issues, and used to have a horrendous relationship with returning to my childhood home, i had never seen all of those issues wrapped into one traumatized character before, let alone a woman! the show is shot in a way that deliberately highlights the messy and seemingly nonsensible ways that trauma influences people and all of it is just!!! she just like me fr!!!

2. bojack horseman (stick with me here) is important to me in ways that i really cant articulate in an ask so i will just list things that come to mind about it: cycles of familial abuse and inherited trauma, the clutch that addiction can and does have on people (he just like me fr), complex grief, the way that mental illness and mental anguish do not make sense, people-pleasing as a means of self-destruction, acts that cannot be forgiven being committed by your loved ones and navigating that going forward, committing the unforgivable yourself and needing to find a way to move forward, the consequences of your own actions, grudges, self-preservation, asexuality, being in your 20s and 30s and 40s and 50s and 60s, change as an individual, stagnation as an individual, and the way that watching bojack horseman is impossible to pitch because how do you pitch a show about an alcoholic cartoon horse and his friends princess carolyn, mister peanutbutter, lernernerner dicarpricorn, and bobo the zebra as something that addresses all those previous things i just listed.

3. madmen is so sleek and stylish and well made that every time i think about it too much i end up watching the whole thing again. the way that they capture sunlight and daylight through high-rise buildings also makes me a little insane ngl. the music and the camera movements and the pacing and the costumes are just so consistent! it's perfect background noise and it's perfect deliberate watching. i think for me this falls under the personal because my mum loved it but passed away before the finale so every time i finish it i think about what she might have thought about it.

4. wentworth has some of the most consistent character writing that i have ever come across. i haven't finished it for homosexual reasons (only watched s1-s5) but there are character actions from the pilot that come into play late s5. there are so many instances of a character making a choice that you loathe and can't believe they're making not because they wouldn't, but because that's exactly what they would do in said instance. also, women! fat women trans women ugly women women of colour indigenous women grieving women angry women vicious women soft women alcoholic women gay women bisexual women abused women abusive women elderly women young young young women screaming women vengeful women broken women healing women determined women violent women. the relationships between all sorts of women! mentor and mentee, mother and child, inmate and guard, boss and employee, new girlfriend and old girlfriend, loyalty to the point of ruination, stalking, coercion, use, resentment, rivalry!!! it makes me crazy

5. killing eve s1&2 were so so so special. s3 and s4 had their moments and i will not say more than that but characters like eve and villanelle hadn't been seen before and i doubt will be seen in the future. i also have +500k words of fic written about them so i feel like im contractually obligated to mention it

6. the good place ohhh the good place !!! the good place said how can we fault people who want to be good but were born into circumstances where they cannot be!!! there is always good to be found in trying to help others!!! what matters is if people are trying to be better than they were the previous day!!! how can we hold it against people who are not given kindness and love and support!!! the fact that life ends is what makes living it so beautiful!!! i am going to start crying

7. futurama was there for me in a lot of ways when i didn't have much else that was as stable as that 9:30pm timeslot. there is a lot of negative things/criticisms that i could and often do say about it but there are a few very special moments from a few very special episodes that mean enough to me that i still hold it dearly: the opera. the story that follows fry's brother naming his son after fry and how that son went on to be the first man on mars. when leela has the bee sting and wakes up from her coma and sees that fry has been waiting for her. when fry is given the opportunity to go into his sleeping mother's dream (from a time when she was alive- there's time travel, kind of, it's a whole thing. at this point she's long dead) and says "i have so much to tell you" before just looking at her and pulling her into a bruising hug. as someone who frequently has dreams in which i am able to speak to my deceased mum, that will never fail to make me cry.

8. arrested development sucks so bad but goddamnit if it isn't also the wildest and most absurd shit to exist. i reblogged a post the other day that was about it's impact on culture and it's true!!! "it's one banana Michael, what could it cost? ten dollars?", "dead dove: do not eat", "well, i don't want to blame it on 9/11, but that certainly didn't help", "good for her", "i don't understand the question and i won't respond to it", "oh mercy me, i forgot that were in the colonies!" ALL being from the same show?? insane. the humour of arrested development is absolutely coloured by the time it was made in but holy shit all of it is so sharp and hysterical. also the fact that sometimes if you're trying to explain a joke to someone who hasn't watched it you have to go on an insane tangent that is 100% just the events of the show that happened but it sounds completely nonsensical is [chefs kiss]

tagging @herbeloveve @lesbian-hannibal (ur url has made me realize i forgot nbc hannibal but im already here so NBC hannibal is an honourable 9th choice) @killinganya @killbillieve @horrid-queer @agaywithcoffee @annnnperkins and anyone else who wants to!!

[newmusickarl]

5-9’s Album of the Month Podcast – Episode 3 Coming Soon!

March has now come to an end, which means the next edition of the 5-9 Album of the Month Podcast will soon be live, in which myself, 5-9 Editor Andrew Belt, Check This Out’s Kiley Larsen and Blinded by The Floodlights’ Matthew McLister review five high profile album releases from the past month in music, and ultimately name one as our Album of the Month at the end of the discussion.

For a stacked March, the five albums we will be covering are:

Fantasy by M83 (Poll winner, thanks to everyone who voted!)

The Record by Boygenius

LIES by LIES

Rides On by The Nude Party

Praise A Lord Who Chews But Which Does Not Consume; (Or Simply, Hot Between Worlds) by Yves Tumor

If you want to listen to the February episode simply click the link below, but also be sure to follow 5-9 Blog on Instagram and Twitter for more news and polls relating to the podcast, along with other great content like film reviews, sports articles and more.

Listen to the February 2023 episode here

Album & EP Recommendations

Did you know that there’s a tunnel under Ocean Blvd by Lana Del Rey

A woman who needs no introduction at this point, one of the most hotly anticipated releases of the year so far finally arrived this month in the form Lana Del Rey’s eighth studio album – Did you know that there’s a tunnel under Ocean Blvd (which we can all agree is a peak Lana type of album title).

Having delivered her undisputed magnum opus Norman Fucking Rockwell (NFR) back in 2019, Miss Lizzy Grant has not rested on her laurels since, quickly following up with two more albums in 2021 – Chemtrails Over The Country Club and Blue Banisters. Whilst both records had their moments, the former more so, neither quite came close enough to the theatre, majesty and sheer perfection of NFR. However now back with her fourth album in as many years, Lana has once again hit some career best highs on Did you know…, albeit a record that still has its flaws.

Let’s start off on the positives though and there are plenty to talk about - particularly the entire first half of this record where the songs presented can easily stand toe to toe with anything on NFR. Opener The Grants welcomes the listener with some gorgeous gospel vocal harmonies, before Lana herself takes over with her inimitable vocals, exquisitely sharing memories of her family. The title track is then even better and already one of my favourite Lana tracks, with its stirring strings, anguished vocals and heartbreaking lyrics of self-loathing (“Open me up, tell me you like me, Fuck me to death, love me until I love myself”). As Lana is joined by a choir for the swelling “Don’t Forget Me” refrain in the song’s outro, you’d have to be cold hearted to not be greatly moved.

After the sweeping heartache of Sweet, seven-minute epic A&W is another career highlight which sees Lana detail “the experience of being an American Whore.” It’s vintage Lana, with the first half stripped back and centred around her sublime, hushed vocals, before it steadily morphs into a rumbling, trap style beat as she sarcastically sings “Your Mom called, I told her, you’re fucking up big time.” Just superb.

After an interlude from social media preacher Judah Smith, the Jon Baptiste featuring Candy Necklace then delivers another big album highlight, as a simple piano arrangement beautifully glides off Lana’s vocals on the poetic chorus of “You’ve been acting pretty reckless, dancing like the young and restless.” After the extended Jon Baptiste outro, Kintsugi strikes a similar chord with just Lana singing live alongside a piano – again just stunning and really spotlights what a special artist she has become.

However, as I mentioned the album isn’t without it’s flaws and it’s around the midway point these start to become more noticeable – the main one being the album’s length. This is Lana’s longest record to date and whilst the songs in the middle section like Paris Texas, Grandfather… and her collaborations with Father John Misty and Bleachers sound great in isolation, you may find yourself weary of Lana’s singular pace by the time you reach this portion of the record. Twice whilst listening front-to-back I found myself falling into a bit of a lull during these tracks, but returning to them individually afterward helped me to connect with them. Also for me, these songs just don’t quite match up to those in the first half – at least after a few plays.

Thankfully though Lana pulls it back around at the end, thanks to the infectious trap groove of the album’s most pure pop moment, Peppers. This is then followed by closing track Taco Truck x VB, which brazenly morphs halfway through into a remix of her own classic track, Venice Bitch from NFR. Is this a lazy finish or a cool flex? I’ll let you decide.

So whilst I’ve seen a lot of people saying Lana has knocked it out the park again with this one and possibly delivered her best yet, I’m not quite in that same boat. I do however think it’s definitely in the top half of her discography, and the first half of this record in particular is as good as anything she has ever done. I do still feel that Lana may have oversaturated her catalogue somewhat, and if she had just waited to combine the best half of this record, the best half of Chemtrails and the gems from Blue Banisters like the title track, Arcadia and Nectar of the Gods, she may have had another NFR level masterpiece on her hands.

That said though, I admire the work ethic and frequency at which Lana is delivering new music and I’m not going to complain too much about having a mountain of music from her over the last few years. The fact she’s been so productive and still served up some of the very best work of her career, really it can only be admired.

Listen here

SCARING THE HOES by JPEGMAFIA & Danny Brown

An album that thankfully went from rumour to reality pretty quickly, the last few weeks has also seen hip hop sensations JPEGMAFIA and Danny Brown release their much-anticipated collaboration album – and it doesn’t disappoint.

Opener and lead single Lean Beef Patty basically captures everything that you can expect from this record in a nutshell - a sub 2-minute hurricane of hard electronic blasts, masterful production from JPEG and mesmerising lyrical wizardry from both artists. For 36 minutes, SCARING THE HOES is just an absolute blast of fun, thriving on chaotic beats, cheeky samples and ice-cold bars – everything you would want and expect from a project featuring these two cult superstars.

In terms of moments of magic there’s plenty too, with the first half boasting the dazzling and wittily titled Steppa Pig, the energetic, jazz-infused title track and the Kelis-sampling Fentanyl Tester. Then the back end sees Maryland rapper Redveil join the duo for the oddly enchanting Kingdom Hearts Key, whilst the pair then spit over some wildly distorted lounge piano on the bizarre yet brilliant, Jack Harlow Combo Meal. That said, my personal favourite track is the emphatic, horn-backed Burfict! which is so gloriously triumphant, I’ll be very surprised if we hear a better hip hop beat this year.

Overall, this record is just a tonne of fun and a real early 2023 standout from the hip hop genre. Here’s hoping we get more from these two in the future!

Listen here

Live At Bush Hall by Black Country, New Road

Carrying on after losing a founding member is never easy, and these next two albums both come in the wake of such a moment for these two bands - albeit in two very different circumstances.

Firstly we have an outfit still relatively in their infancy - art-rockers Black Country, New Road (BCNR). Having earned a Mercury Prize for their debut For The First Time before then blowing critics and fans away with their deeply moving, beautifully crafted sophomore record Ants From Up There (one of my Top 5 Albums of 2022), BCNR looked to be on the verge of big things. However, with frontman Isaac Wood stepping away from the band for mental health reasons prior to Ants From Up There’s release, the remaining six-piece collective were suddenly seemingly sent back to square one.

Promising to not perform any of their music prior to Isaac’s departure ever again, the band instead began to play a few shows of entirely new music, which is exactly what has now been captured in this Live At Bush Hall release. This live album feels like the perfect next step and rebirth for BCNR, showing that although Isaac was a huge loss, they still have plenty to offer both as a live force and as songwriters going forward. If you don’t believe me, check out the full live performance for yourself below and pay particular attention to epic tracks The Boy and Turbines/Pigs which are my early favourites from Black Country, New Road Mk. 2.

Watch the full Live At Bush Hall performance here

Listen to the live album here

Memento Mori by Depeche Mode

Written and recorded amidst COVID limitations before then being released following the tragic sudden passing of founding member Andy Fletcher in 2022, Depeche Mode’s fifteenth studio album was seemingly destined to be a hefty, emotionally charged listen. Haunting lead single Ghosts Again remains one of the best singles of the year so far and offered fans an early window into the thematic and sonic content of Memento Mori. However even with this, I’m sure not many expected the final result to be Dave Gahan and Martin Gore’s best work since at least 2005’s Playing The Angel – possibly even earlier.

Perfectly balancing the darkness in the lyrics with uplifting electronic-driven melodies, the band have also enlisted the help of Psychedelic Furs vocalist Richard Butler who elevates tracks Don’t Say You Love Me and Caroline’s Monkey. There’s also some late career classics from the duo, with the neon-soaked melancholy of Wagging Tongue, the industrial-backed vulnerability of Before We Drown and the exhilaratingly anthemic Never Let Me Go all standing out.

Overall, this is a towering work from a band now well over 40 years into their career, which helps make it all the more impressive. Using the pair’s own description, Memento Mori runs “the gamut from paranoia and obsession to catharsis and joy, and hitting myriad points between" – and if that doesn’t sell you, nothing will.

Listen here

That Sweet Breath EP by Lowmello

Then on the EPs front this week, Santa Fe label Mama Mañana records are continuing to kill it with each release and this latest one from indie-rock multi-instrumentalist Abel John, who goes by the alias Lowmello, continues their hot streak.

Starting initially on a trippy vortex that even Kevin Parker would be proud of, Abel’s powerful raw vocals and buzzy guitars soon cut in on opener Red Lipstick, bringing some welcome unique flavour to proceedings. It’s a scintillating start which soon makes way for excellent single Fool, a track inspired by Abel’s own arrest for drink driving a few years back. Turning this embarrassing mistake into a shareable lesson, Fool is the result of an artist turning a corner and finding clarity in what they want to create, with the song wonderfully channelling Pretty Years-era Cymbals Eat Guitars for a grungy yet poppy belter of a track.

After that brilliant opening one-two combo, I’m pleased to say the EP doesn’t let up from there. 26 is a soaring, sand-dusted anthem of the ilk that made The Killers global superstars, whilst Andrew is a charmingly reflective ode to Abel’s own family and upbringing. The EP’s title track then triumphantly wraps things up in a haze of swirling guitar riffs, inspired by an enlightening hot yoga session and carrying with it more than a few callbacks to The Strokes.

Overall, this is a fantastic EP from Lowmello that delivers 5/5 on the indie belters front. If you love your guitars and have 15 minutes to spare, don’t sleep on this one.

Listen here

Rides On by The Nude Party

“The Nude Party is now back with their third full-length record, Rides On, an auditory trip through the late sixties and early seventies, with their barn studio serving as the time machine. For those familiar with the band, this may not sound like much of a change from their first two records, and you’d be correct. The thing is, The Nude Party is one of those groups that pick a lane and choose to barrel down the highway in a tank (with flowers shoved in the cannon, of course).

At the same time, this is the first album with The Nude Party self-producing at their upstate barn, like The Band at Big Pink, and it might be why Rides On is more relaxed and playful than their previous work. Things are much bluesier this time, like the barroom tack and harmonica on “Polly Anne” and the closer, “Red Rocket Ride.” We even have a magnificently greasy cover of Dr. John’s “Somebody Tryin’ to Hoodoo Me” for one of the record’s best moments.”

Read Kiley Larsen’s full review here

Listen here

A Fistful of Peaches by Black Honey

“Almost two years to the day since their last album release, the quartet are back with a new focus on third effort A Fistful of Peaches. The Brighton band’s new one is their most personal and open album yet…Black Honey’s third album is full of heavy guitars and big choruses, sprinkling some sweetness throughout. Make no mistake, this is an alt rock record to be played LOUD. Albeit the lack of variety is off-putting. At least initially.

A Fistful of Peaches is darker and heavier both in sound and lyrical themes addressed. This, of course, creates an unavoidable contrast to their last. Written & Directed was incredibly immediate but perhaps lacked the substance to revisit long after its release. Here the opposite is achieved. If you aren’t taken by this instantly, eventually you’ll get there and come around to the record’s many earworms.”

Read Matt McLister’s full review for Gigwise here

Listen here

Also worth checking out: Praise The Lord… by Yves Tumor, Fantasy by M83, So Much (For) Stardust by Fall Out Boy

Tracks of the Week

Eucalyptus by The National

Having been left somewhat underwhelmed by The National’s first two singles for their upcoming album First Two Pages of Frankenstein, I’m pleased to say this latest single has thankfully raised my personal hype-o-meter ready for the album dropping next month. Propelled by the Dessner brothers and riding an anthemic chorus of “You should take it, ‘cause I’m not gonna take it”, this is simply the National at their best.

Listen here

No Reason by The Chemical Brothers

When it comes to The Kings of Electronic, you can always expect them to deliver – without even going back to their 90s heyday, just look at 2019’s exceptional No Geography and 2021 single The Darkness That You Fear. Now No Reason continues their recent renaissance, with an instantly danceable groove that shimmers along until it erupts in a blitz of pulsating synths towards the back end. Hopefully a new album is on the way because we want more!

Listen here

Black British by V V Brown

I had completely forgotten about singer-songwriter V V Brown, until the moment I saw this week that she had released her first new music in eight long years. As a big fan of her previous work, particularly 2013’s Samson & Delilah, it’s fantastic to have V V’s talent back in the limelight and Black British is a simply outstanding return. Soulful, urgent and provocative, it’s a song that you simply need to hear.

Listen here

Spellbinding by Smashing Pumpkins

The legendary rockers have already released two thirds of their monster new album ATUM, which is set to clock in at a whopping 2.5 hours and 33 songs once fully released. On sheer probability alone there was always bound to be something worth listening to in that mountain of music and one of those tracks is the first taster for part three of the album, Spellbinding. Living up to its title, it combines playful pop synths, rip-roaring guitars and a hugely anthemic chorus for one of their best songs in years.

Listen here

Stupid by bexx

Retro-banger manufacturer bexx has already proved she is one the most exciting voices emerging in pop music right now, but if you’ve somehow not been convinced yet then her new single Stupid is sure to do the trick. With a (sadly!) relatable sentiment at its core and an instantly catchy earworm chorus, you’ll be singing along in petty rage at your ex in no time. Best experienced with the fun rom-com inspired music video which you can watch below too.

Watch the video here

Listen here

Errors and Repairs by Codice Ego

Something a bit different now, Italian alt-rockers Codice Ego have released their latest single Errors and Repairs this week, with the narrative centred around one of their band member’s experiences dealing with the fallout of a life-changing illness. Dark, industrial and an unsettling tone throughout, it’s shades of Placebo by way of Metric.

Listen here

Beatnik by Fake Turins

North London’s premier disco-psych 11-piece Fake Turins continue their farewell victory lap, having officially announced they will be calling it a day on the 8th June, a date which is set to host their final show at London’s Village Underground. Thankfully they are giving fans one final parting gift, in the form of their Inheritance EP, which is due out a month earlier on the 9th May. Following on from their excellent previous single Yr Made of Gold, the collective have now released the second taster of their upcoming EP. Titled Beatnik, it is a hypnotic barrage of mind-melting riffs, hip-shifting grooves and ominous dread.

Listen here

Lumoflove by Sad Boys Club

We are just over one month out from indie up-and-comers Sad Boys Club finally releasing their debut album, the intriguingly titled Lullabies From The Lightning Tree. Whilst all the singles for the record so far have been great, Lumoflove may just be the best yet, centred around a stirring piano arrangement and a jaw-dropping vocal performance from frontman Jacob Wheldon.

Listen here

She’s A Star (Orchestral Version) by James

Over a decade on from their last highly acclaimed orchestral tour, Mancunian indie legends James will be hitting the road next month accompanied by a gospel choir and 22-piece orchestra for what will surely be one of the live shows of the year. This time around, the band will also be releasing an album titled Be Opened By The Wonderful, featuring these orchestral reimaginings of their biggest and best songs. 90s classic She’s A Star is the first to undergo the treatment and it’s every bit as magical as you would expect.

Listen here

2am (Dan Carey Dub) by Foals

And finally this week, Foals are busy prepping a Dub remix of their brilliant, sun-soaked seventh album, last year’s Life Is Yours, which will be released in a few weeks’ time as part of Record Store Day 2023. The first taste is this mind-altering version of one of the best songs of 2022, remixed by none other than producer of the moment, Mr. Dan Carey. The result? Certified banger!

Listen here

Also worth checking out: In My Head by Nell Mescal, Mommy by Miya Folick, Good Lies by Overmono

REMINDER: If you use Apple Music, you can also keep up-to-date with all my favourite 2023 tracks through my Best of 2023 playlist. Constantly updated throughout the year with songs I enjoy, it is then finalised into a Top 100 Songs of the Year in December.

Add the playlist to your library here