#i need like a lethal dose of smth

[overleftdown]

im insane.

anyways; with the DSM-V as my WMD, im abt to cook up the most devious fanfiction of coriolanus snow developing a healthy response to his own personality disorder <3 i need to rewrite fiction to combat the irreversibility of reality.

coriolanus serves his purpose as a reflection of a tortured and corrupt society. but still… at least with fiction i can satisfy my melting brain with a happy ending.

[ssruis]

Hi I am.really tired. But thinking. About how wxs are just nene hype squad. Like tsukasa being like "OUR GORGEOUS MAJESTIC SONGSTRESS!!!!! HER VOICE IS ABSOLUTELY UNPARALLELED!!!!" And emus like "Yeah!!!! Nene-chan is sooooooo amazing !!!!! Everytime she gets on the stage its like all my air leaves my body like fwoooshh!!!!" And rui goes on some monologue about how much she's grown or whatever sorry dude I'm too tired to write smth for you. My point is. Wxs should all js wear shirts with nenes face on them that say "have you seen our songstress!!!! Now you have!!!"

I think I’ve said that exact thing before same brain… I think wxs needs shirts that just say nene hype squad & they wear them in public and give her a lethal dose of embarrassment. Nene rapidly speed walking away as her 3 stupid friends wear shirts with her face on them.

[edelblau]

in less fun news bc i wanted to get this off my chest.... somewhere and tumblr is probably the... easiest place to do so

i nearly killed myself last night which was fun! i had an extensive plan (which i will not be describing but it involved a drug overdose), i made sure to sleep until my sister was at work and my mom was asleep, managed to steal the drugs required without a hitch (nothing anyone needs) and made sure that what i had would be enough for a lethal dose, had plans to set up a little nest on my floor and block off the door so that hopefully even if someone found out id be dead before anything could be done to help me

but i got curious and searched up what to expect irt the od bc i wasnt sure like... do i need a bucket? am i gonna convulse? do i need to make sure i have ample room to convulse so i dont wake up my mom (her rooms right next to mine)? and found out that fatality usually only sets in after like. 5 days. which is just. yknow

too long to die? like i LIVE with people and i cant avoid someone noticing smth is off before then and if i get brought to a hospital too early the jig is up like

a. my local hospitals fucking awful irt mental health and last time i was there for an attempt i swore if i ever attempted again i needed to succeed bc i couldnt go back there and

b. they could probably save me if they caught me too early and then id not only be just as depressed but id probably have complications for the rest of my life

when i was younger and more idealistic id probably want to ask my mom for help or smth but i know now its not gonna help, she simply does not give a shit about my well-being and i know some of my friends are pretty badly triggered by this stuff and i cant really bare to put that burden on them. i vaguely tweeted on my personal twitter but i didnt really explain how far the plan went and how ready i was and everything

i guess bc when i attempted i was posting on here its kinda easier to talk here. idk if anyone who follows me now remembers that, though. its probably better they dont

i dont know that i really feel any better, honestly. it isnt as bad right now, but i dont know how much longer i can keep going like this. i feel so alone without raidou. he was kinda all i had keeping me here. but i dont know how to fix it. i cant bring him back to life. i know eventually the pain will lessen but i dont know if itll be fast enough. i dont know if im capable of lasting until the acceptance stage.

it doesnt matter, i guess. all i can do is keep taking it day by day. pretend its okay. whatever happens happens, at this point. i dont really feel like i have much control over it

[psychotic-psypport]

Hi, um is it okay to ask questions? I want to know what hyper focusing on bad things is classified as? Or like what disorder is apart of? For example when a really explosive fight happens, I focus on it constantly until I completely blame myself for the situation and want to k word myself. Or like I focus on the fact that I don't get straight a's or I said smth mean or focus on the fact I have a bunch of pills I could take that would be a lethal dose, I counted them so I know, etc

It's always ok to ask questions here!! However, I'm not qualified to diagnose you, I'm sorry. What I am going to say, though, is that this could be a number of things. There's no specific disorder I can think of that would be the only explanation. I think you should invest in speaking to a professional. They are the ones who will be able to help you narrow down what's going on with you. I'm sorry I can't offer you a name, but I can absolutely offer an open ear if you ever have need for one. If you ever feel like talking about this with someone just for the sake of talking about it, I'm here for you.