#i need inappropriately timed whimsy
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merge-conflict · 2 years ago
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If I could make mods the first thing I would do is add the Fallout 4 home run bat sound effect to Denny’s bat. Could you imagine?
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jester-lover · 11 months ago
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Reverse of the ask where TWST bois pick the reader up: Reader is surprisingly strong and scoops *them* up.
I think the bigger the dude, the funnier, but Riddle’s reaction would be hilarious to me as well.
Somewhere in the distance, Ashton Vargas just found his new favorite student…
OG Post! Something similar for the Jack fans!
Buff Girlfriend Casually Lifting Them
Featuring! - Riddle, Jack, Malleus, Sebek
CWs/ Fem! Reader, fluff, humor
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Riddle
“Unhand me at once!”
Riddle is shocked, appalled, and redder than a strawberry the second he feels you hook your hands under his knees and neck and pick him up like a bride. His hands immediately flail around and land around your shoulders, increasing his embarrassment tenfold.
His demands quiet down once the shock of the situation soaks in. His girlfriend is lifting him up and carrying him around like he weighs nothing. He has always been aware that you’re physically strong, but he didn’t know you were this strong!
Riddle usually won’t like being carried, but on the rare occasion, after a long day of school and his duties, he’ll ask for a piggyback ride back to his room. He’ll use a very standoffish tone while asking, but the way that he presses his head against the back of your shoulder lets you know he likes it.
Jack
He is so flabbergasted. Jack is in shock.
While he is aware that you’re into fitness—maybe the two of you even train together—he never knew you were this swole.
Jack is blushing; if you look close enough, his hands are shaking. He’s just realized he’s found the ideal woman for him—kind, gentle, who could break him in half like a pixie stick…
Bragging isn’t in his principles, but he might have to gloat a little bit with his track teammates when you’re literally running around with him thrown over your shoulder like a sack of potatoes. I mean, you’re not even exerting that much energy; he’s astounded!
Jack will (very quietly) ask for you to lift him again, just because he can’t believe it and he needs confirmation that he didn’t just make up the situation in his brain.
“Wanna join me for my morning run? It’ll be good cardio.”
Malleus
He’s getting the princess treatment. Very happy to know he’s your favorite lizard.
Since Malleus is very tall and imposing, he’s not used to such blatant displays of affection.
Having a physically stronger girlfriend would be a point of great pride for Malleus, particularly if you were a human, because then your strength would have been something you'd worked hard on. Something you’ve earned.
Being carried around is no problem for him; he may laugh a little at your strange human whimsy, but he happily agrees to being carried about at any time.
By any time, I mean any time. You could pick him up in the middle of a crowded campus hallway, and he’d just wrap his arms around you, place his head on your shoulder, and let you lead the way.
“Child of Man, be sure to drop me off at my alchemy class; perhaps I’ll let you pick me up and take me to Spelldrive Practice afterwords…”
Sebek
“How dare you, human!”
Sebek is appalled at the absolute gall you’ve got to have to do something so unabashedly romantic; don’t you see he’s too repressed for something so affectionate?
His face turns so red, and he tries to shake out of your ridiculously strong vice grip. Once he leaps off of you, get ready for an hour-long lecture. Sebek is shaking in his boots, explaining to you how inappropriate your actions were and how if you wanted his attention, there were better methods.
Midway through, he kind of realizes how hot it was that you were literally able to pick him up and carry him away like it was no problem, which makes Sebek quieter than you’ve ever seen him before, contemplating his words.
He quietly asks you to pick him up again because he wants to test your human endurance! (Ignore the way his eyes lock in on your defined shoulders, okay?)
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knarme-art · 3 months ago
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Esko Ilves, my only truly developed recom OC... Still drooling for him. u_ u His human past was that of a medic of an anarcho-socialist commune defensive battalion.
He's Finnish and clinically insane. His bloodline has been staunch Reds ever since the Civil war before 1930'ies, keeping up their tradition even into the late post-modern capitalist hellscape of 2100's.
Everything about setting up their own socialist republic got fucked because uhhhh think about corporations and weapons salesmen funding different groups fighting for different interests in a severely destabilized region, and well...
Somehow a fucked-up series of events landed Esko into an American prison where his skills and experience as combat medic were regognized.
RDA needed meat and prisons are a good place to get some meat, as meat has no choice.
Esko was draftet to Pandora, and while all of this was very much against his poltitics, he just humbled to doing his job. He dedicated his life to making the lives of his new comrades a bit more humane, a bit more.. Well... Put-together... With stitches and all. He accepted his part in this corporate superorganism, that this is where he must work and function now for his own survival, accepting his lack of choice and embracing where fates brought him.
Then he died. He did quite well and was a valuable asset, both highly educated and experienced in field medic work as well as many other useful areas of knowledge, - so he got to be brought back as a recombinant.
He's a really strange fucker.
Always has a slightly manic glimmer in his eyes. Has a weird and inappropriate sense of humour. Loud, will shatter your soul by smacking your shoulder fatherly, looks out for you. Very "for the people" spirited kinda guy. Will tell you if you don't have long to live and exactly what is wrong with your organs.
His mind is like a kind of a fucked up cubistic painting come to life where all the timelines and possibilities and perspectives are all true at once. Yes, this does fuck with him to some amount and sometimes he collapses into quite bad spirals over it all, while at other times he's totally on fire, that ego as massive as ever.
He can convince himself of pretty much anything if he needs to. He can come up with convincing justifications and rationalizations by an intense practice of perspective building.
(Sometimes this means his choices are grievously awful and make him many enemies.) (At other times it means he's heroic and win him plenty of loyalty and admiration.)
Good motivational speaker and has an unnatural amount of passion for anything he does.
He is self-aware of how many things at any given time are actually just... A matter of what narrative you have chosen to live in. He can't even take those seriously anymore. He just picks something and sticks to it, I guess, but he knows he must lie a bit. A lot, even.
Possibly, before anything else, Ilves is a storyteller.
If the story he lives in is interesting enough, colorful enough... It's all good, and not in vain. Truly loves the whimsy of it all even every time his world dies.
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cruelsister-moved2 · 2 years ago
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Im the hater anon omg i didnt mean to lead u astray but i haven't finished it i'm just over half done. i probably will finish just so i can coherently say why i don't like it bc rn my thoughts are all over the place but  u hit all the major points im like nodding and taking notes rn.  Its very shallow lore wise like its all overly complex exposition that barely effects the plot. I could write about this for 100 years but basically it was boring and i just feel like it has nothing to say like theres no purpose or message and i think speculative stuff should have SOME weight behind it idk.  That paired w how the writing itself is like..not pretty or artful or anything………………….
And on top of that its not even actually funny. Instead of real jokes its just 100 million mcu quips awkwardly inserted so that no situation is ever treated genuinely or seriously or with depth. For example. My personal least favorite part beyond general quality so far is how often they bring up gideon being inappropriately horny… idk how else to word it.. Its one of her 3 personality traits. they mention her porn collection i swear every couple of pages. its played 4 jokes but like the rest of it its literally unfunny and feels so out of place. Like this is right when they just discovered an incinerated body → ”she looked troubled, which made Gideon sad, but she was also soaked right through to the skin, which made Gideon need a lie-down.” Its like if someone whose only point of reference was tiktok during that era where every vaguely masc woman got made fun of for being a quote hey mamas lesbian unquote tried to write a masc woman.  Reading it as a masc lesbian myself is just sort of embarrassing idk if other ppl feel differently but it just feels overplayed and goofy. 
Anyways… this is all very long and incoherent but thank u for complaining and vindicating me… i started reading it a couple days ago on a whim bc ive been seeing ppl talk abt it a lot lately and i was instantly SOOOOO disappointed. Part of it was definitely that i was expecting something very different because of how people talk about it but also its just like bad. Its insane. I also had no idea abt the roachpatrol thing so ummmmmm :(
hiiiiiiiiii omg so your suffering isn't even over yet my condolences.
the worldbuilding exposition industrial complex needs to end im so serious. I just had such a nice conversation with some writer friends about soft vs hard magic systems and world-building and how frustratingly common the assumption that more complex lore you dump the more sophisticated your story is at the moment. in reality many more sophisticated stories deliberately utilise abstraction and whimsy for thematic statements. v happy for brandon sanderson fans but again, a lot of those stories are basically like mystery novels except the magic is the mystery, whereas the speculative fiction authors who... actually speculate...are often using it as a tool to speculate about our own existence.
and the writing is so ugly like I've read a couple of chapters and I feel like i could get through a mid story if it's at least well written but it wasn't even inoffensive it was actively offputting like that prose was stinkyyyyyyyyy..... and the quips exactlyyy like who is laughing at none pizza with left beef anymore and the fact a lot of it isn't even the author being witty but just like. a reference to a meme? it's literally supposed to be like gritty but then everyone is memeing and quipping all the time how are you meant to take that seriously?
and okay the like sexualisation of Gideon had kind of been my suspicion but I hadn't read enough to make that claim for certain so. that's disappointing to have it confirmed. given that the author is a fem woman who calls herself a lesbian whilst being homestuck married to a guy, it really brings up some kind of discomfort in me to be using masc women that way and making a joke out of them and their sexuality and calling them himbos and shit like. it really doesn't seem like she actually knows any masc women??? and when that was a huge part of the marketing for the book it comes to feel exploitative.
one thing to be aware is that tor like. pushed it really hard marketing-wise for whatever reason. I guess they feel it symbolises a new era of sci-fi and like were using it as an outreach effort to engage the generation that mostly only reads fan fiction or whatever which I guess cheers if it achieves that. but the majority of negative reviews are specifically that it was nothing like what they expected it to be, because of the.... super gimmicky marketing.
the tagline being sword necromancer lesbians in space or something so lame 😭 and it really seems like the elements came first and the justification came second so it's never really explained why they use swords instead of more technologically advanced weapons (bc the answer is 'it sounds cool') or really why it needs to be in space at all (because the answer is 'it sounds cool'). even the necromancy is supposedly fairly tangential and ive seen people be underwhelmed how much actual lesbianism is involved too 💀
9mbut yeah the r0ach patr0l thing I wish people were more aware of because honestly above anything else, I've seen people who were fans and then found this out and felt super uncomfortable so I think people deserve to know what kind of background she has, and this is literally where she developed her writing and her name as a BNF so it's directly connected to her current career not just like a celebrity who tweeted something dumb when they were 14. like I think it's fair to take that into account + idk it's INTERESTING to me that she went from that to debuting with a masc lesbian whom she projects like comic hypersexuality onto it really is all much to think about truly
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herstarburststories · 4 years ago
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Devil, bring me to heaven
Kinktober day 5: Deep throat
Hauntober: Moonlight
Pairing: Demon!Dean x Reader
Summary: You suck Dean off under the moonlight and you both are interrupted.
Warnings: oral sex (male receiving), public sex, jealous!dean, kinda of non intentional voyeurism for a bit, hint of fluff bc yes
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Your knees ached against the soaked cement. It rained earlier, making the situation more painful and you mind a bit more sickened with the realization that you couldn’t change a thing. Man, that would probably leave some bruises.
Then again Dean loved bruises on you. At least, this demonic version of the king of your heart did. He enjoyed love marks and hickeys before. It made Sam constantly call you two horny teenagers. It was rougher now, but this was still Dean.
It was Dean. That was all that mattered, even if you had to lose yourself to find him.
The cold ground was as unrepentant to you as the green-eyed demon's cock in your face. He was hard, his precum wetting your cheek as you dared to look up. The moonlight shined on his face as if it had always been meant for him.
You kissed his balls, already familiar with how he liked his blowjobs. You didn't have time to spare here, though. You two were in an open parking lot behind a forgettable restaurant — someone could easily walk through here. You had to make him come quick.
Dean's toughened hands caressed your head, tangling his fingers in the glossy strands of hair. You looked so beautiful like this, on your knees just for him. He may be a demon now, the Knight of Hell even, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t appreciate you — especially when you knew his body so well. 
“Come on, baby girl. Take it slow. You know I love some good foreplay, no rush here.” He pulled you back once your skilled mouth became too spirited for his liking. Dean was relaxed tonight. Maybe he'd even go slow on you later. You could take your time here.
You did as he said like you usually do when it comes to sex. Your smart mouth and commandeering nature always melted away when he was like this, exposing you at your neediest. Dean, of course, was more than happy to oblige.
You teased at his tightened sac, enjoying the weight of the stiff cock pressed against your cheek. Your mouth got greedy as time passed by, starting to mouth at the soft flesh of one of his testicles while your fingers slowly rubbed the other one. Dean let out a quiet groan, fingers sunken in the ocean of your hair to lead you to his throbbing cock. You two were dwindling into the night, coalesced as one holy sin.
Your lips had barely been placed on the side of his velvety cockhead when you heard footsteps. You grunted after giving his dick an open-mouthed kiss and started to pull away, but Dean wasn’t having any of this.
If someone had a problem with his girl sucking his cock, then he'd simply kill them. Granted, he'd probably kill them anyway for seeing you in that position — this was only meant for his eyes, green or black.
The unfortunate person might’ve been lucky to die for this, honestly. Dean would say that seeing you blow him off was a pretty damn good last thing to see before being murdered. He was a man about Sam’s age; tall, yet not as tall as Dean; and muscular. Dark hair, hazel eyes, and tan skin. He was essentially the guy you'd call your type before you met Dean.
The Winchester had seen enough crappy 70’s flicks to know you had a weakness for it. He already hates this guy's guts. He was going to die or, at least, bleed enough to make unleash a crimson river under the moon’s pale radiance.
What? He was a demon, after all. He didn’t need much of a reason to hate, much less channel his aggression onto any Tom, Dick, or Harry that so much as looked at you twice. 
The man's steps grew closer as Dean guided your swollen lips back to his cock. You whined and nuzzled his sweat-slick skin as if there was no better place to be. Still, you weren't sure about someone else seeing you suck Dean off. You've never minded some harmless public touching, but this is way more forward than anything you’ve ever done before.
The male stopped in his tracks, the hard pavement under your knees digging into your skin as you jolt. Your lips were gentle to the base of his shaft. You kissed your way to the top where the precum smeared your lips. Your hands on his hips dug in, winding him in closer while your tongue soothed the ache of his weeping head. 
“Whoa, woman. You know I love it when you do that thing.” Dean grunted under his breath when you slipped your tongue into his slit. Your lips wrapped around the tip of his cock before swallowing him thickly, soaking up the warmth of his slick spill. “Yeah, honey. Go ahead. Take all of me into your mouth.”
“What the fuck?” The other male choked, taking in the scene with wide eyes. You didn't appear to be forced onto doing this, so he didn't rush to push Dean away, but why the hell were you two fucking behind an Arby's? This was his dad's restaurant!
You jumped a little when you heard his voice. Why didn't he just keep walking? You were so embarrassed by anyone but Dean seeing you like this. Even though you had your clothes on, you also had half of a cock inside your mouth. Contradictorily enough, it also turned you on. Someone was seeing that you were Dean's and he was yours.
The eldest Winchester could feel hesitancy in the tenseness of your neck, but he soon managed to wipe away your worry with his hand on the back of your head, caressing your hair with a gentleness that could only come from his human side.
“What? Haven't seen a hot girl sucking cock before? You should try a porn site, buddy.” Dean gave him a whimsy smirk, forcing himself not to moan as you swirl your tongue around the heat of his still-hard cock. You leaned in as he was coaxed with the promise of your tight throat. Just like you two trained.
Besides his flushed cheeks and obvious arousal despite his indignant surprise, the guy managed to speak: “Who the fuck do you think you are? This is a serious establishment.”
“I'm Dean Winchester,” the demon answered with a cocky smirk. The unprecedented third party to their fun might not know what his name holds now, but he surely would find out soon. “And this is Y/N Y/L/N. She's too busy to tell you hello right now, all hungry for my cock. My girl just can't let it go, not even for a minute.” Dean shook his head lightly, as if you were some poor, needy thing. Pursing his lips, he asked, “And you are…? Wait. I don't care. Get lost.”
“I'm Priestly Conner. Just the owner of this place.” The stranger, Priestly, groaned in fury. He was hiding the fact that his dad was the actual owner. How dared Dean to disrespect and degenerate his ego like this? The Winchester, though, couldn't care less. He gave the Priest dude or whatever was his name the chance to walk away and keep his life. You’d taken the time to swallow more of him, the glossy sheen of his swollen cock buried in your throat as you repressed the urge to gag. It was perfect. “Can she get up? And can you get your dick back in your pants and leave now?”
Priestly's voice was starting to irritate Dean's ears. Hurting his ego was good, but wasn't it obvious who had control of the situation here? Besides, he wanted to enjoy this blowjob, thank you. That man was nothing but a distraction. If you could talk now, you'd probably roll your eyes, slap Dean's puffed chest, and something along the lines of ease up and knock off the alpha-macho behavior, Winchester.
As usual, you'd probably be right. There was no reason to garner unnecessary attention to yourselves over a spoiled little man wearing clothes more expensive than Dean's car. He tried to take it easy and give Priestly one last chance.
“Yeah, sure. Just two problems: I don't answer to you, and my girl won't let go of my cock.” He grinned darkly. To prove his point, the green-eyed man moved back a little. You let out a sharp whine, nosing close enough for your nose to brush against coarse hair. His balls slapped your chin with the sudden jerk, your slippery tongue enveloping his hardness in a desperate effort to keep him close. Fuck, that felt good. “See? She's all about my dick, sorry. Don't worry, babe. It's all yours.”
Dean ran his fingers through your hair in a soft reminder that he wasn’t going anywhere without you. He murmured encouragement under his breath as you sucked his cock. His girl was so good to him.
“You… She…” Priestly was tenting in his pants, unexpectedly excited by the scene like it was live action porn meant just for him. Dean groaned. Couldn't this dude get the hint and leave? He was getting the best head of his life here. “G-get your bitch and get the hell out of here!”
As soon as the words left his mouth, both you and Dean knew he fucked up.
“Now, now, now. No name calling. It’s rich of you to call her a bitch and still get a hard on out of it.” Dean bore his cock down harder into the wet of your throat. It made you gag, but you kept going as if you were made to keep his dick in your mouth. When he howled, neither of you were able to discern if it was out of anger or pleasure. “Maybe that's why you don't have a girl right now, buddy. You don't know how to treat women, so you don't get a good suck.”
“You… ”
“I'm done with you.” With a waft of his hand, Pristley was thrown at the wall, hitting his head and falling unconscious on the floor. Weak. “Come on, honey. Make me cum so I can go wake up that son of a bitch and break his back for disrespecting you.”
A moan reverberated in your throat, causing a whimper out of Dean as his dick throbbed. He pulled your hair and started to move his hips, fucking your mouth as if he was fucking your pussy. He was tearing you apart, thrusting deep you like you had a sweet spot there too. 
You felt so full like this. Sure, it wasn't like having him inside your cunt, but the warm sensation of his cock occupying all of your throat was heavenly even when you knew how inappropriate that sounded: the devil taking you to heaven.
You coughed when Dean’s rhythm hastened, thighs pressed together in a loose attempt to gain some relief for your wet pussy. Your hands cradled his balls, massaging them while your mouth swallowed his cock.
It didn't take longer for him to cum, shooting his load inside you as you took all of it. He tasted a little too salty, a flavor you’ve grown accustomed to since his transition into demonhood, but you found yourself quickly craving it. You loved how he tasted and how he came so much and all for you.
Dean kept his hands on your head, helping you remain standing until you swallowed all of his cum. You finally released his dick with an audible pop, looking up to him. The moon made the big tears budding in your eyes glisten marvelously. Dean felt so lucky. He helped you to get up, kissing you softly for once. The old Dean, your Dean, came in glimpses sometimes. 
He tasted himself on your lips. It was a delicious proof that you were still his. He had to let Sammy go, but you were here. He still had family, someone to cling to. Someone who wouldn't change him. Dean licked your lips.
“So good, honey.”
Your legs still trembled as your pussy cried out for attention. Thankfully, Dean held you close. “What are you gonna do about him?”
You nodded at the breathing body on the floor, your voice gruff from taking him so deeply. He loved it.
“That son of bitch?” He groaned at the mention of the annoying interruption. You placed your hand on his heart, rubbing there. Dean placed his forehead on yours. “He disrespect you so he's gonna die.” His green eyes changed into black with a wink, showing the actual weight of his darkness. “And then I'll eat you out and fuck that pretty pussy that's already wet for me.”
“Dean…” You sighed, ready to try putting some sense in his head, but then his bruised hand slipped, fingertips touching your bare arm, your hand, and then your belly, hips, and pelvis. Dean pressed a single digit on your clothed heat. You managed to ruin your panties, yourself, and the silk skirt all for him. You gave in. “Okay. Be quick.”
“I wasn't asking for you permission to kill him, Y/N.” He raised his eyebrows as your hips chased his touch.
“I know, but you still need my permission to get inside me,” you said despite the situation. You didn't think talking so casually about killing a guy would somehow become your new normal. Although, in all honesty, it wasn't that different from the hunter’s life before.“Take it or leave it, Dean.”
“Yeah, okay. Whatever.” He huffed, rolling his eyes before he pulled away to walk towards Priestly. “You better go wait in the car if you don't wanna see some blood, sweetheart.”
“Make it quick. And Dean?”
“What?” his gruff voice asked, turning to face you. You were so gorgeous under the sequin moon. 
“Cuddles later?” You beamed at him, as if he wasn't about to murder someone.
The single smile he gave you in return could convince any jury of his innocence. “Of course, honey.”
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iampikachuhearmeroar · 3 years ago
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sorry for all the harry potter posting in 2021…. but like….. reflecting on just how dark the later books were/are, why on earth did every harry potter fan always romanticise having a movie marathon with the movies??? like yeah, it’s basically what i’ve been doing for the last few weekends staying at my sister’s on my own…. and since i’ve been awake this morning, i’ve gone through ootp, hbp and deathly hallows part 1 so far….. and like…… these movies, to me, aren’t really made for marathon watching/binge watching in a sense….. due to the heavy subject matter imo. they’re made to be standalone (although part of a series) viewed movies one by one, not back to back to back in succession; when there’s just so many incredibly substantial themes like death and obviously racism, systemic corruption etc etc. to be thought about while watching.
like of course everyone is going to say that im reading far too deeply into this and that the hp books and movies are trash….. but like the constant romanticisation in the 2000s and early 2010s of wanting to do harry potter marathons as if they were as cutesy and happy go-lucky as romcoms…. or simply just as lighthearted kids movies backed by whimsy and fuzzy feelings back in the day, was just so fucking backward.
like obvs since im older now, i can see that harry was abused by petunia & vernon for example. and by reading other teen fiction (specifically aussie YA fiction series’ tomorrow when the war began series and the ellie chronicles trilogy); harry’s horrible dreams/flashbacks of cedric before/after he was killed in goblet of fire is a symptom of PTSD (which i read in harry potter essays in uni when i did i philosophy essay on epistemic injustice in ootp in the courtroom scene). i can actually see how harry is being used as a pawn by dumbledore in his master plan. and obvs in analysing these things im putting my apparently “useless” arts degree in english and philosophy to use lmao. and of course as kids, we either ignored those themes or never picked up on them because they went straight over our heads.
on this bent then, another YA movie series that is NOT made for binge watching is the hunger games. which i found out to my own kind of detriment last year….. considering that i had never bothered to read the books back when they were popular past the titular namesake hunger games book (and had also forgotten all the early 2010s tumblr posts about how dark it was)…. while deciding to watch all the movies til catching fire part 1 in a binge watch sesh in the middle of 2020. the binge watch sesh was also spurred on by the book about young president snow that came out in 2020 lol.
so last year, when i finally decided to watch hunger games, i could actually understand and contemplate the political ramifications of katniss’s & peeta’s behaviour and defiance… which was something that i completely brushed off while it was hugely popular in the early 2010s because it was “too political”…… while i utterly denied the GLARINGLY OBVIOUS major political undertones and themes in harry potter because i was so obsessed with it….. but I obvs was most specifically preoccupied with what hogwarts house i’d be in lmao and whether i was more like hermione/luna/ginny or a mix of all of them. like yeah. it was so backward.
of course, the HP movies do have a bingeable quality to them; but my god. from really goblet of fire onwards, they’re heavy as fuck and really don’t need to be binged back to back in succession….. like you can do with how i met your mother or Loki eps in terms of tv shows. or idek, for movies, old rom-com faves like suddenly 30/13 going on 30 or rom-coms starring sandra bullock (bc they’re some of my faves)…. or teen indie comedy faves like juno or napoleon dynamite.
bc harry potter at it’s core, is a war story, more obviously from the end of GOF til the end of the series. it’s heavy, it’s dark, and emotionally devastating (for me when i was younger obvs). in some scenes, such as when harry returns with cedric’s dead body in GOF and it’s backed by the cheery marching band music but then drowned out by fleur’s scream and amos diggory dramatically scream sobbing “MY BOOOOOY!!! MY SOOON!!! MY BOY IS DEAD!!!!” (which as a kid i used to laugh incredibly inappropriately at every bloody time i watched it)…. but NOW??? THE PAIN! THE SUFFERING! THE TURMOIL! which is finally paired with the sad score music and camera panning out from the tri-wizard cup school stadium??? oh! i am but torn asunder by it all (okay not really, but i feel amos’s pain more acutely and i can shed a tear or two is the point here). and speaking of GOF, it’s pretty sad that over the years, it’s always been reduced to “C A L M L Y” and hermione’s yule ball dress being pink instead of blue bc of both the real and supposed lack of book to film accuracy…. when there’s obvs more important things to focus on lol.
bc literally one of the most horrifying scenes in the gof movie for me, in retrospect, is voldemort being reborn???? and wormtail sacrificing his own hand to get that essentially cursed silver hand that ends up strangling him to death in DHP1. and also david tennant’s albeit very disappointingly short appearances as barty crouch jr???? that was good casting. and also the incredibly fucked up storyline in GOF of BCJ imprisoning the real mad eye moody in moody’s own enchanted chest for his hair for polyjuice potion???? it hit me last week again (bc it hit me in 2020 when i reread the series with audiobooks as well) just how ridiculously FUCKED UP and BATSHIT that ENTIRE storyline really was. and i read and watched that???? and was fine with it at 10 years old???? jesus christ lmao.
okay. i went a bit off topic and overboard. but y’all get what i mean??? it’s so weird that an entire generation romanticised a YA series that was essentially about a war in its later instalments (and obvs a full blown one by deathly hallows) as some cutesy marathonable story bc it was/is so whimsical and its filled with childhood memories. but in doing it myself over the last few weeks, it’s just not. it was definitely one of the heftiest book series for kids/teens back then. but also for the movies, aside for their run times mostly all being close to 3hrs long, they’re quite emotionally charged and are astonishingly dark & dense in subject matter/themes for a KIDS movie series for the backend of the series. and mostly the only reason it’s “marathonable” in a sense, is because we all know the story so well.
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therewrites · 4 years ago
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We Are Who We Are Overall Thoughts *spoilers*
This review will be discussing briefly some of the episodes so far, so SPOILERS
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So I started watching the HBO original series, We Are Who We Are, and I am conflicted. When I initially watched it, the dialogue made it hard for me to enjoy it so I stopped. Then after a couple of weeks after its airing, I thought, what the hell? And this time, I was pleasantly surprised. I always maintain the belief that pilot episodes are either boring, messy, or just bad so I try to push past it in order to get to the good shit. The pilot for We Are Who We Are was...I’m not sure how to explain...different? It certainly wasn’t bad and it made an impression on me, but this show as a whole is hard to limit by just a few words. It’s really something that you should watch and experience yourself.
It was only after the first 3 episodes that I began to understand the tone and mood that Luca Guadagnino was trying to convey. A lot of the time, the dialogue is abrupt and choppy and can make no sense. It can be frustrating, especially when you have two characters that aren’t communicating effectively. But I think that was the point. Guadagnino is a very realistic director, he captures the most realistic elements in a film. A lot of the conversations between characters is meant to emulate real life. Like, what the hell do you say when a conversation becomes awkward? Well, nothing sometimes.
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While Guadagnino’s typical cinematography may suggest whimsy, in WAWWA’s case the small structured and synthetic model of the military base is juxtaposed to the very concrete characters. When I started to view the show less as simply a televised airing of fictional characters and problems, and instead looked at them as people, I began to really enjoy it. 
Take the main character of Fraser, played by Jack Dylan Grazer. Fraser is meant to be seen as an extremely complex and troubled kid, but the difference between him and every other teen in a coming-of-age drama is that he isn’t polished. His drinking and drug habit isn’t framed as romantic or beautiful, in fact most of the time it’s portrayed as his weakness of sorts. In the first episode, Fraser has one of his mothers drive him home after getting pretty wasted and Luca graces us with a direct shot of him throwing up. And before that, Fraser is stumbling on a bridge when he drunkenly falls and cuts his face. Everything the character does is messy, uncoordinated, yet extremely real and relatable. Hell, in one shot you can clearly see him do a Naruto run!
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Caitlin/Harper is a character that I enjoyed watching, as well. Jordan Seamon did a fantastic job and I really connected with their character. Initially we see Caitlin as this mysterious girl, and in the pilot we are meant to assume that their relationship with Fraser is supposed to develop into a romantic one. This is not the case as it seems that Caitlin is trying to come to terms with who they are. The biggest shift in Caitlin’s character isn’t their friendship with Fraser but probably when they get their period. 
This was a moment that even I related to, even though I am cis when I first got my period I didn’t tell my mom until the day after. The possible confusion and shift in their reality that Caitlin felt was only heightened with the conflict of their boyfriend wanting to be more physically intimate, and Fraser’s eventual discover of Harper. I would have like to see exactly why Fraser seemed drawn to Caitlin. I’m assuming viewers were supposed to think that Fraser is attracted to her, or something. But both Caitlin/Harper and Fraser are queer coded and their respective sexualities are alluded to not being straight. It would’ve made their standing as platonic friends more clear if this had been established stronger. 
I definitely think the writer could have devoted more time to giving certain characters proper conversations. It would’ve given more development to certain characters and better context for things. However even without that, there is a lot that the audience is showed that can’t be told through dialogue. The power struggle between Sarah and Richard being one. So far, there hasn’t been any explanation as to why they have a such a volatile relationship other than Richard being a homophobe. 
Through deeper inspection, I was able to interpret it as: Richard may heavily resent the fact the Sarah was promoted to Colonel and not him. It is never made clear who has the better credentials, Sarah or Richard, but assuming that she was the one promoted it is a safe guess. This may be highlighted by the fact that Sarah is a women, and also gay. Even before episode 7, it was clear that Richard did not respect her authority. I also interpreted it as Richard being upset that and openly gay women was promoted instead of him, a black man. 
Of course this is just based on my own personal knowledge of how the U.S. military can be towards people of color and LGBTQ+. Regardless, the competitive tension between two parents is palpable without needing dialogue to explain.  
When conflict happens, I can kind of figure out which characters are going to react and which one’s will stay silent. I think the show is trying to accomplish a drastically realistic and raw series. It took me while to adjust to it, but by maybe the 2nd or 3rd episode, it starts to grow on you. Despite not liking a good majority of the characters, I was very surprised by how invested I was in them. 
Like, Danny is my least favorite character because he displays very abusive and explosive tendencies, and doesn’t seem to care about the world around him. However, getting glimpses into his character and seeing how Richard ignores him for Caitlin/Harper, his suicidal thoughts, and how he is trying to reclaim his cultural and religious background makes me empathize with him. 
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Even though I hate his character, I can see that he is struggling. I appreciate the way that this show freely shows dark skinned black boys dealing with mental health issues, and personal development. Rarely are issues like suicide talked about in the black community, so seeing Danny talk about it and Craig offering(admittedly poor)comfort was touching. This is a general vibe that I get from nearly all the characters on WAWWA. I also appreciated the how Danny is actively trying to convert to Islam. In shows, rarely is Islam ever portrayed in a positive manner. Especially when female characters are shown to be struggling with their religion, Islam is shown as this barrier that prevents them from living life. Hopefully it goes without saying that the “taking off the hijab” as a way to show that a female character is “liberated” is overplayed and does not offer any respect to the countless Muslim women who choose to wear hijabs. 
Now I think the pacing of some of the storylines could have been handled a bit more gracefully. Like how we jump from Fraser and Harper being kind of enemies(not really but you know what I mean), to just them hanging out in Richard’s boat was jarring. I would have at least liked to see the scene of them talking on the rocks at the beach. It would’ve given more insight on Caitlin/Harper’s character and also on Fraser too. Also how quickly Maggie and Lu(Jennifer but I love the name Lubaba, it’s my aunt’s name)jump into a physical affair. I just would have liked to see a build up of tension between all these characters but I don’t think this entirely ruins the plot. 
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I was very iffy when I learned that the show would be focusing on trans identity and gender and sexuality, but not actually hire a trans male actor. I was afraid that the show would completely botch the experiences of being transgender, and honestly I don’t have the authority to speak on whether or not this affects the quality of the show. I am cisgender, and only can empathize with this particular situation as much as I can. But I would like to hear to the opinion of someone who is trans and elaborate on the ways that they did/didn’t like Jordan Kristine Seamón’s portrayal. 
Now at the time I’m writing this, the season finale has yet to come out. But I’d also like to briefly discuss the most recent episode and how it developed Jonathan and Fraser’s relationship. I was VERY worried that Guadagnino was going to take their relationship in the direction of inappropriate. While nearly all the depictions of Jonathan and his actions have been trough Fraser’s pov, it didn’t stop me from side-eyeing some of the interactions they shared. Of course after it was mentioned that Jonathan was supposed to be in his late 20s, nearing 30 I was immediately uncomfortable with the very flirty behavior he exhibited. 
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So when the scene of Fraser going up to his apartment after Craig’s death, I was very on edge. If Guadagnino had gone the extra mile to show an even larger age gap then I would’ve been pissed. While I enjoyed Call Me By Your Name, the implication that sexual relationships between barely legal teenagers and adults well into their 20s was sensual is something that I see as very weird now that I’m older. So seeing Jonathan as the object of Fraser’s affections made me extremely warry. 
And honestly, I’m still surprised that the scene even happened in its entirety. I’m sure that Jack was not in any danger of being exploited but there were definitely points while watching I thought, what the fuck is going on? I was very worried that it would escalate, but I was happy to see that Fraser was the one who stopped it from going further.  It made sense to me that this scene took so many liberties to be as graphic as possible without being too graphic, in order to show why a situation like that would be scary and confusing for Fraser. It wasn’t lost to me that Marta and Jonathan were the one’s initiating all the sexual advances. They held all the power in that scenario, even more so because Fraser is younger and has the tendencies to not make the best decisions. Though it seemed that Fraser was trying, he knew that the situation was fucked up.
I’d like to hear what JDG felt and thought doing this scene. What was his character’s thought process?
I’ve seen a lot of people compare the show heavily to CMBYN, which is fine. Besides certain cinematic parallels that people pointed out, I don’t see the clear comparison. CMBYN is more of a love story and it’s more polished than WAWWA. Now when I say tat, I don’t mean it as a negative. Rather, We Are Who We is obviously more devoted to realism and its characters. I appreciate the inclusion of more LGBTQ+ people and black main characters with development, something that CMBYN lacked. And for some people who didn’t like the show based solely on the fact that it wasn’t a CMBYN tv show, I suggest just going into it with no expectations and enjoy the mess. 
And I’d also like to take a moment to commend Jack Dylan Grazer for his job in We Are Who We Are. All of the main cast are amazing actors and actresses and did a really good job bringing their characters to life. Though, I had always associated JDG with supporting roles that, while highlighted his acting talent, only put him in a one-dimensional light. As good as It 2017 was, JDG’s role of Eddie is only meant to be seen as a comic relief. In WAWWA, I was able to forget that he was teen actor, Jack Dylan Grazer, and really see him as Fraser. It’s worth mentioning that in a GQ interview, Grazer also mentioned how this role made him reevaluate is approach to acting. 
And after reading an interview he did with a Interview Germany, with him saying he spent months in Italy reading the script and trying to perfectly craft this character, I was immensely impressed. I hope that he knows that all his hard work payed off and made a really dynamic and interesting character. I really hope that in the future JDG continues with more mature or multi-dimensional roles because he displayed that he has the talent to do so. Him being so young makes me optimistic in knowing that he is definitely going places in his career. I also hope that there will be a season 2 of WAWWA because despite having hour long episodes, the show still felt way too short. There is a lot about Fraser’s character, and all the others’ characters, that I want more information and analysis on.
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hitchell-mope · 6 years ago
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Dizzy (slams down her Alice in wonderland book on Hadie’s coffee table): So you’re telling me my fat speckled rabbit is actually a Bandersnatch?
Hadie: yes.
Dizzy: you’re pulling my leg aren’t you. There’s no way he
Hadie: she.
Dizzy: what?
Hadie: she kid. She. All Bandersnatch are female.
Dizzy: why?
Hadie: the white tyrant only raises female Bandersnatch as her attack dogs. The card guards on the other hand are male. The illusion of toughness but really weak and papery and easy to tear.
Dizzy: wait. Isn’t wonderland supposed to be a utopia. Full of whimsy and wonder and
Hadie: drinks that make you shrink. Food that makes you grow. Flamingos that double as croquet mallets. And a family that has one psychopath each generation. Usually a girl.
Dizzy: that’s a bit sexist.
Hadie: it is. It really is. Nobody knows why it is. My guess is that one day one of them decided to cut off a butterflies wings and then there was no going back
Dizzy: cool
Hadie: you good lady are a freaky little child you know that right
Dizzy: ah ha ha I’m twelve so shut the f
Doug (warningly): Desiree?
Dizzy: ...udge up.
Doug: nice save.
Hadie: I thought so yes (he takes sip of his bourbon)
Wonderland. The tyrants dungeons. Evie is pacing the floor of the cell whereas Harry is just dozing in a corner with his hat over his eyes. Evie takes the hat and hits him with it in his head
Evie: don’t just sit there. Help me escape
Harry (scoffs): why? Uma shall come for me
Evie (badly imitating his accent): for all she knows you were killed instantly.
Harry: Oh now dear me. Look what you’ve been reduced to. Poking fun at at a helpless mans accent.
Evie: well it is very easy to make fun of you
Harry: do you even have a plan. Your magic is blocked. So is mine. My hook and sword were confiscated. You probably rely on magic to get you by. So we, to use common phrasage, are fucked.
Evie:...riot.
Harry: huh
(Evie starts beating him up while screaming “riot” at the top of her lungs. He gives as good as he gets and pretty soon they’re both bloodied messes. Evie’s about to tear a clump if hair from his scalp when Wilhelmina opens the cell door)
Wilhelmina: don’t stop on my account. Please resume killing each other.
(Evie slams Harry’s head down onto the wooden bench splintering it in two)
Evie: on my authority as the queen of witches and wife of the saviour I demand you release me
Wilhelmina: and what of him?
(She gestures to Harry who looks like he’s working out the best way to slash Evie’s throat)
Evie: if I’m to be lucky he shall choke on his own blood. Or his tongue. Blood or tongue. Whichever’s first or second he most painful way to die.
Wilhelmina: ooh that’s a little sadistic. I quite like it. Now give me your arm
Evie: no.
Wilhelmina: will it help if I say please?
Evie: not particularly no.
Wilhelmina: oh for crissakes. Give me. Your arm. Now!
(Reluctantly Evie does so. Wilhelmina removes the cuff)
Evie: now you see. You really shouldn’t have done that
(She sends the white tyrant flying back wards with a bolt of blue electricity then puts the cuff on Harry’s other wrist.)
Harry: what the fuck?
Evie: good bye you whorish dickhead.
(She slams the door shut with magic and disappears in a puff of sapphire blue smoke. Harry shakes the bars screaming in impotent rage)
(Auradon Massachusetts. Jane walks into Hadie’s apartment looking like death warmed up)
Hadie: lemme guess. Good night or bad night?
Jane: my bedroom floor is more uncomfortable then the beds at the convent.
Hadie: ahhh then good night. Up top
Jane: I gave Evangeline my bed. Carlos is in the pull out in the living room. So I slept on my bedroom floor. I finally managed to get some shut eye when she stepped on my throat on the way to the bathroom. I feel like Meredith Grey.
Dizzy: huh?
Hadie: never mind. Well Janey look at it this way. Your doing a good thing.
Jane: yeah when you’re right you’re right.
Hadie: and perhaps you could politely ask a certain landlord that’s smitten with Evangeline to share his apartment with her. Wink wink nudge nudge.
Dizzy: yes! Dad please. Please please please please
(She goes on like this for a minute and a half until Hadie shoves a biscotti in her mouth)
Hadie (deadpan): yeah dad please
Doug: it’s not appropriate.
Hadie: Doug. Honey. Your the saviour of our world. You can indulge your desires.
Dizzy: then I’ll have a mother. And then you’ll finally be off my back long enough for me to steal your entire supply of cognac.
Doug: reasons three to a million and 99 why it can’t happen.
Jane: and reason one and two.
Doug: one. Mrs Channing is a married woman. Two. I am her employer. It would be so inappropriate
Hadie: you’re risking societal suicide just by acknowledging my existence. I highly doubt much would be changed by you getting a leg
Doug: My daughter is in the room
Dizzy: dad. There’s this things called the internet. It has all manner of things that would shock your system if you found out. So I already know what Hadrian’s gonna say
Hadie: and what exactly do you think I was gonna say?
Doug: I too would like to know what you think he was going to say
Jane: oh this should be good
Dizzy: I’m gonna do my homework now
(She leaves the room)
Hadie: now where were we
(La Bete)
Uma: get him back! Get him back now or I swear I’ll...
Hadie: you’ll what? Not cast the curse. Realise the sacrifice of your children were all for naught ack
(Uma’s pulled out his heart. She’s grown tentacles and her eyes a glowing a furious turquoise)
Uma: YOU WILL GET HIM BACK FOR ME.
Hadie (feeling defiant despite the pain): I don’t have to do jackshit for you or my bastard brother ah
(She’s started to squeeze his heart)
Uma: AND I DONT GIVE SHIT ABOUT YOU OR YOUR DEGENERATE SISTER. I WONT REST UNTIL I HAVE WIPED YOU HER AND HER FOLLOWERS OFF THE FACE OF THIS EARTH. I DONT CARE HOW MANY LIVES I RUIN. HOW MANY MAGICAL GNATS DROP DOWN DEAD.
Dizzy: put his heart back
Hadie: Dizzy you don’t need to do this.
Dizzy: oh but I want to. I read the inscription on this thing. Whoever wields it must be listened to. Well I’m wielding it so Uma had better fucking listen.
(Uma sends a tentacle to the girls throat. Before Doug has time to react Dizzy’s already cut the aquatic limb off. Uma squeals in pain, drops Hadie’s heart and falls to her knees)
Uma: I’d sooner bow to that (she gestured to Mal who’s looking extraordinarily guilty)
Dizzy: in that case. Are you ready to lose the other one?
(Wonderland)
(Harry’s pacing in his cell. Wilhelmina’s unconscious form lying in front of him. He gets angrier and angrier. Bright blood red flames dance under his skin)
(Elsewhere. Evie’s run into a room of mirrors. In the middle of the room sits very graceful lady. A few years older then her dressed in pirates clothing)
The lady: oh thank goodness little brother. I thought you’d gotten lost and you are not Harry
Evie: I count myself lucky every day for that. Now. Who the fuck are you?
Lady: who the fuck are you?
Evie: I asked you first. And seeing as I’m the queen of witches and you’re nothing but a disgusting no account pirate I outrank you.
Lady: very well then. My name is Harriet. Sister to Harry and CJ. Eldest daughter of the late James. Captain of the Braveheart. Now. Where is my brother. Tell me now or I shall have to slit you from stem to stern. And this is a new sword one of my husbands gifted it to me on our second anniversary So is hate to dirty it with blood from a common witch. I’m saving it for a dragon. After all. Witches are small fish. Now. Where. Is. My. Brother?
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shiranuigenma · 6 years ago
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The Supply Closet - KakaYama
GENERAL AUDIENCES // ALSO ON AO3 Words: 830 Prompt: Modern Teacher AU Warnings: Mild reflection on the failings of the American school system*
*the American school system is all I know so I wrote this fic based on that
I meant to be using Free Day to write another fic, but instead I’m here playing catch up! Which is fine because I’m in the zone. So here’s my day 2 contribution for @kakayamaweek2019, and guess what - I brought some fluff this time! 
Don’t ask me what this is bc honestly I have no idea lmao. Also, I’m very much in love with the idea of Minato’s family adopting Kakashi after his father dies, so that happens. I hope you enjoy! :)
If someone had told Kakashi five months ago that today he would be kissing Tenzo in the supply closet, he wouldn't have believed them - but here they are.
From the moment Kakashi met Tenzo at the monthly staff meeting, he knew that he was in trouble. Not only was the new substitute unfairly attractive, with a mess of brown hair and dark eyes glinting with curiosity behind rectangular black glasses, but he was also unexpectedly witty and quick to smile - like teaching hadn't sucked out his soul yet, which made sense when he explained that this was his first teaching job.
Give it time, Kakashi had thought, listening to him tell Guy, the enthusiastic physical education teacher, how excited he was to work there. That will change. It wasn't that teaching at Konoha Primary School was awful by any means, and it certainly paid better than a lot of other schools in the area, but when you go into education expecting to shape lives only to find out that you're really at the whimsy of bureaucracy and overpaid donors, it can leave you disillusioned.
Minato, the principal of the school and Kakashi's... optimistic brother, could try to change that all he wanted, but a system that didn't want to change wasn't going to.
Still, Tenzo's fresh eyes and unbridled optimism had been refreshing, and he couldn't help but be drawn to that.
Which leads him to where he is now - locked in a very small supply closet with Tenzo five months later, seriously questioning his decision to become a teacher.
"And I thought the frogs were the worst thing Naruto would do this week," he mutters, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. When Tenzo makes a curious noise, Kakashi sighs. "I guess I forgot to tell you. Yesterday he brought a box full of frogs for show and tell and lost the lid. Then he lost the frogs."
"Oh." Tenzo has the nerve to sound amused, and Kakashi has to remind himself that Tenzo hasn't had the nightmare of teaching his nephew yet. "Well, that explains the frog I found in my desk this morning. I was wondering where it came from."
"Interesting thing to be worried about when we're trapped in a supply closet during lunch," Kakashi says, raising a brow when Tenzo chuckles. Leave it to Tenzo to find the humor in a crappy situation, though he supposes that is one of the things he likes about him. "What? Do I need to remind you that you're the one that dragged me in here? This is your fault-"
"My fault?" Tenzo's tone is one of offense, but it's offset by the grin on his face. "I would think that it's Naruto's fault for following us and locking us in. You know, your nephew is the only kid I've ever met that would rather pull a prank than eat lunch."
"I..." Kakashi stares at him for a moment, unsure how to respond, but then he sighs and shakes his head, unable to resist a smile. "Yeah, you're right. He is something else."
"Hatake Kakashi, telling me I'm right?" Tenzo fakes a gasp of surprise, and Kakashi can't help but laugh at his dramatics, letting his arms wrap around Tenzo when he steps closer. He's not sure when they'll be let out of here, so might as well make the most of it right? "Say it again, please."
"Tell you what," Kakashi says instead of answering, grinning at Tenzo now. "Treat me to dinner tonight and I'll tell you you're right as much as you want."
Kakashi means it as a joke, but Tenzo cocks his head thoughtfully, looking like he's seriously considering it. For a long moment he doesn't say anything, but then he breaks out into another wide grin.
"I suppose I can agree to that," he tells him. For a moment, Kakashi feels bad - this is the second time he's managed to convince Tenzo to pay for dinner this month, but he forgets all about it when Tenzo closes the small bit of distance between them to kiss him.
If someone had told Kakashi five months ago that today he would be kissing Tenzo in the supply closet, he wouldn't have believed them - but here they are, and he wonders when he had become someone that takes part in this kind of inappropriate behavior on school grounds. It's not like he'll get in trouble if they get caught - Minato has always been lenient with him - but he prides himself on his professionalism, and this is about as unprofessional as it gets, especially in a school.
It's just a kiss, Kakashi reasons with himself - he's not very convincing, but it enables him to let himself get lost in the soft press of Tenzo's mouth for whatever little bit of time they have, consequences be damned.
Of course, he very much regrets that when the door finally opens and it's Kushina standing on the other side holding the chair Naruto had used to block them in, but if he's honest, the verbal lashing she gives them in her office is totally worth it.
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luckystarchild · 6 years ago
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Baby’s First Cross Stitch
Maybe that title is a misnomer: I used to cross stitch back in middle school. Or rather, I bought two MASSIVE cross-stitch patterns/kits and got one sixteenth of the way through the first and never started the second. I did a few small kits all the way through, and while I enjoyed it, the hobby never really caught on. So, my cross-stitching experience is pretty limited and also was 15 or so years ago.
Recently a few really cute inappropriate cross stitches floated across my dash and I LOVED THEM, and in a fit of whimsy at the craft store I grabbed thread, hoops, and Aida fabric with the intention of creating something fabulously irreverent.
... and fell on my face a bit. 
It took me FOREVER to get the cloth in the hoop. I forgot to take the angle of the Aida fabric into account when planning my piece. I got through one flower, but it took me a length of time too embarrassing to mention here. I was flummoxed. Like, it’s X-shaped stitches, one stitch over the other, over and over again until you get an image. How hard was this supposed to be?? Why was this taking so damn long???
At which point I reminded myself YouTube exists, and there are tutorials for wee baby beginners like me on YouTube, so I pulled out my phone and actually tried to educate myself a bit.
... that’s when I realized there is a lot more to cross stitch than one assumes at first glance.
How to start a stitch with no knot. How to make your stitches even. Stitching techniques that save time. What type of needle to use (tapestry needles; luckily I researched that before starting and didn’t stab myself with a regular sewing needle). The fact that it’s not thread, it’s “floss” when you’re cross stitching. The difference between Aida and linen. You need to wash your cross stitch piece when you’re done(!). How to frame your piece in a hoop neatly. ALL KINDS OF CRAP I DIDN’T REALIZE WENT INTO THIS.
Everything after that first flower went 10 times more smoothly once I educated myself and stopped thinking I could just dive in and soar with no help. And while the finished piece isn’t perfect by a massive margin, I’m proud of it because I learned SO. DAMN. MUCH. by the time I put down that final stitch.
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Fitting that I made a piece that said “shit,” because that’s the word I kept saying while making this—but the next one should go more smoothly, and I’m excited to see what else I learn next time.
MORAL: Drop your ego and do your damn research before you start, and FOR THE LOVE OF OCTOPUSES, please watch a freakin’ tutorial before diving in. Your (im)patience will thank you.
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ardenssolis · 6 years ago
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A man of gifts Merlin could be. Some gifts were profound, some were born of a fondness he himself did not understand, and some were born of a more mischievous intent. Which this was would be for Ozymandias to decide, just as everything Merlin did was. "You seemed so fond of this little creature, it seemed only right~" And with that he quite happily hands over a little white axolotl plush. One of course holding sunflowers.
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     IT WAS NOT ABNORMAL for Merlin to approach others, but there often was a reason for it. Thus, as the man made his way over to him, golden eyes gave the slightest narrow of curiosity as Ozymandias took in that usual easygoing facade (was everything that Merlin wore a facade?). ❝You know,❞ he cooed as the other came closer, ❝it is inappropriate to not state your intentions for a audience with a king without permission.❞ Despite his words, however, there was no ill-will to be discerned from his tone. The smirk that tugged at the corner of his lips and his relaxed body language could be quite deceptive to the unwary, but there was no simmering anger beneath the surface; just a curious king with many questions to be asked. It was then that an answer was given to him, a brow rising as a white axolotl plush was casually given to him.
     So casually, that he needed a moment to comprehend what just happened in that span of a few seconds. For a long time he stared at the adorable, smiling amphibian, brain going haywire like a computer’s overworked processor, before he slowly looked back into the other’s eyes. What…w-what did this all mean? Was this some strange form of jest? An actual gift wrought from good intentions, albeit…done with a bit of eccentricity? Torn between ten different ways of replying to this peculiarity, Ozymandias had to piece together something that intelligible. ❝Your whimsy is like that of a cat.❞ This plush was cute, though… Not that he would tell Merlin this. The other would give that damn idiotic smile and Ozymandias would wind up tossing it back into the other’s face out of embarrassment to save his crumbling pride. 
     ❝Hmph, I accept your gift, I suppose.❞
    He supposed.
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fhimechan · 7 years ago
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#Accidental Sex: Hannigraham version; Monthly update
Greetings, fannibals! (◕ ﺮ ◕✿) It’s time to update you all on the sexy initiative we accidentally found ourselves into. Let’s delve in...
May struck us twice, first with a heat wave, then with a steamy, hot piece by @kobayashihatori:
#AccidentalSex17: “Haha that thing they do in movies/porn/online is so corny like no way that’s actually hot haha oops it is” sex Care To Joint Me? by @kobayashihatori: “… Will shakes the ashes of the joint on an ashtray next to the forgotten cups of coffee. -If you want, I can blow the smoke into your mouth- Hannibal looks him in the eye, brows slightly knitted together -Wouldn’t that be inappropriate? Teen agers movies always show that activity as a preamble for osculation. -Will giggles a little -You mean make out? Of course not. It’s so corny that only morons find it hot. Do you watch teen movies!?.- …”
This sexy story is only the last addition to our ever increasing list of amazing, accidentally sensuous prompts. Let’s take a moment to appreciate all of them... 
#AccidentalSex1:  L’amour vainqueur et la vie opportune @helly-watermelonsmellinfellon #AccidentalSex7: And I’ll Follow @thenecronon #AccidentalSex8: Idiots in Love @allionne #AccidentalSex10: Told you so @mephistox #AccidentalSex11: Indulgent Restraint @purplesocrates #AccidentalSex12: Teetering on the edge @fhimechan; art by @le-wendigogo #AccidentalSex14: Kindling @gleamingandwholeanddeadly #AccidentalSex15: Bad Connections @tiggymalvern #AccidentalSex18: Dexterity @mazephoenix #AccidentalSex20: The Perfect Prescription @hannibalsimago; art by @trashbambi #AccidentalSex21: Nothing For It… @phenobarbitalfiction #AccidentalSex22: Anything They Can Do, I Can Do Better @saralecter77#AccidentalSex24: Stuck inside these walls @cinnamaldeide #AccidentalSex26: Catch @slashyrogue
And yes, there is some art to go with the stories! (〃 ω 〃) @le-wendigogo and @trashbambi kindly provided two pieces for respectively the prompts 12 and 20. Spare a moment to appreciate those wonderful contributions! Spoiler: they are filthy and gorgeous.  If this list of prompts inspire you to draw anything, or if you partecipated by drawing an illustration for an existing story, we’ll be delighted to welcome your contribution into our challenge.  ♡( ◡‿◡ )
Speaking of welcome, we want to thank once again everybody who helped us spreading the word. We wouldn’t have achieved anything without all of you! So thank you @whimsy-by-joja, @tigsmulii,  @ishipthemsogoddamnhard @moonaqurian, @xpeachdreamsx, @yes-yeah-yesh, @doyouacheforhim, @snakesnlace, @blankza, @raura, @exclamatoryword, @blueeyednightwing, @krey-9-jorce, @a-hannibal-mess, @ambar-gris, @h4nnibalism, @oh-goodness-loki, @guccilecter, @erodingthebluff, @psycholover01, @diemetzgermeisterin, @ilovekingt, @crisisoninfintefandoms, @bloodyilaria, @maxaminkle, @andiemerizein, @evolvingmydesign, @fragile-teacup, @wiith-my-hands, @avegetariancannibal, @jadegreenworks, @eonblueinmay, @hanfangrahamk, @fleeingdawn-blog1, @hunter-and-star-chaser, @ayden5956, @janespetticoat, @hannibalatemyheart. Thank you for your constant support! ♥
And we couldn’t do anything without the writers that took up the challenge. We are very excited to announce our new partecipants! @zigzag-wanderer, @xzombiexkittenx, @active-imagination and @scissorsheep (who I can’t tag >_>) are pledging their talents to the fulfillment of the list! Are @cinnamaldeide and @fhimechan giddy with anticipation?  ...guys, you have no idea (ᅌᴗᅌ✿) 
We feel as closer as ever to our goal, but we still need some help to complete the list! Seven prompts are abandoned and lonely and in need of a friendly creator to push them to their full potential...
#AccidentalSex2: “You played a prank on me and now I’m going to play one on you except oops this accidentally got hot” sex #AccidentalSex3: “You made an inaccurate assumption about *insert sexual or sexuality misnomer here* and I’m going to teach you the truth” sex #AccidentalSex4: “You think you’re so smart so I’m going to teach you a lesson” sex #AccidentalSex9: “You were joking about something and I took you seriously” sex #AccidentalSex13: “I didn’t know you were a dom and when I called you Sir/Ma'am you almost jumped me” sex #AccidentalSex16: “I noticed the way you were watching me eat this popsicle so I purposely started making it an inuendo and now we’re both hot and bothered” sex #AccidentalSex23: “You said you don’t like __ but I bet the people you were with just don’t know how to do it, I, however, have experience and bet I could make you like it” sex 
If any of these prompts inspires you, if you can see in vivid details our Murder Husbands get carried away, if you too are blown away buy the unlimited potential of that collection of scenes, we’ll be delighted to welcome you aboard!  (✧ω✧)
The updated prompt list, complete with bookings and contributions, can be found in our master post, while more details on how to participate are written into a separated FAQ section. We’re always available for any remaining questions or clarifications ;)
We bet Will and Hannibal are hot and bothered in the summer heat; but thankfully Hannibal will always be serviceable and offer his cold surgeon hands to make it worse relieve Will of his burden. And if his light touch will lead to purposeful groping and escalated in more sweaty and steamy effusions, well, they won’t complain. ( ˘⌣˘)♡(˘⌣˘ )
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jennacha · 7 years ago
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here’s a big rant about The Child Thief
ok i have a big confession to make
I’m kind of obsessed with the book The Child Thief.
It’s not a particularly good book. In fact, I would go as far to say it’s poor. The writing has the cadence of 15-year-old-going-through-their-novelist-phase. I guess I could say it reads like fan fiction. The plot is very messy. The characters are badly written. It feels like a book that wasn’t edited. The word “magic” is used a lot, and it’s embarrassing. There’s a part where a character slams their fist on the ground and yells “WHY?!” and it’s embarrassing. The dialogue feels like it came out of a 1990s teen adventure fantasy movie trying to imitate the success of a Corey Feldman/Haim movie. Several times throughout the book the thought, “Why did the author do this?” popped in my head. However, the author is a fantasy illustrator, so the descriptive writing is a plus. He knows how to illustrate the landscape with words as well as he would in painting. The book is not a special unit dumpster fire piece of shit insult to literature; in fact, as far as I know a lot of people like it and it has gotten a decent amount of praise. It’s just not very good, in terms of the surface level writing. But I can easily see a lot of people enjoying it for basic entertainment value.
So that would be my YA-focus blog summary review of the book.
My public outcry summary review of the book is this:
I’m obsessed with the book because it’s so fucking weird.
It’s so fucking weird in that it’s a perfect shitstorm of the author not knowing what he’s doing, and thinking he’s knowing what he’s doing. Like a perfect bad B-movie that exhibits textbook schlock where the director is incompetent and clueless but lacks any self-awareness, in terms of style, layout, and production.
But also, the author thinks what he’s doing is…cool.
The book is about evil Peter Pan.
I could end this whole thing right there. But I must release these hounds. I’ve been needing to let all this out.
My wretched insanity craves affirmation.
This book should be a carbon copy of every other average to below average dark fantasy novel that you see on the bookstore shelves and never heard of and wonder what the author is doing now with all their not-fame. This book should be one that could’ve been written by anybody and it wouldn’t have made a difference. This book should be one of sixty million examples of nothing special. In a way, it is definitely 100% yes definitely yes all those things. The universe decided that I would be the bearer of the burden of having much stronger feelings about it then necessary. I probably feel more strongly about it than the author ever did. It is in my life now.
The biggest thing about this book being so fucking weird is the mind boggling tonal inconsistency. There are a number of shifts in universe-encompassing moods, which go from “Christopher-Nolan-but-also-kind-of-Stephanie-Meyer-dark-gloomy-the-world-is-unhappy-and-I-like-it-that-way”, to “David-Fincher-the-world-is-ACTUALLY-awful”, to “Oh-right-this-is-a-Peter-Pan-story-whimsical-fun-Goonies-meets-Disney-Channel-original”, to “A-worse-version-of-The-Hobbit-movies-with-some-redeeming-qualities”, to “Quentin-Tarantino-literally-wrote-this.” This isn’t hyperbole. The writing language can be REALLY EMBARRASSING and straight out of a Disney movie. That tone of a fun romp for the whole family is cradled by an abundance of swearing, unsettling fantasy-horror, and extreme, shocking violence.
You know when you’re watching Beetlejuice, and you’re like “Okay this movie is for children” and then out of nowhere Michael Keaton goes “NICE FUCKIN’ MODEL” and grabs his dick.
In The Child Thief, THAT washes over you every time you finish reading a sentence. Only, it’s as if you’re watching Hook, and at one point Robin Williams slices a person’s face off, and the camera stays on the faceless person for a minute and Steven Spielberg walks into frame and points to the gurgling faceless head and describes to you how you can still see the holes where the mouth, nose, and eyes were.
(Yes that actually happens in the book.)
Or if you’re watching Neverending Story and at one point you get expository dialogue explaining how Atreyu was pimped as a boy and had to live on the streets because his mother was, uh, a drug addict or something?. 
(That also happens.)
Or if you’re watching Indian in the Cupboard and the film opens with a little girl about to get raped by her dad.
(I’m serious.)
Or if you’re watching Hocus Pocus and Bette Midler is a vampire and she preys on a 6-year-old kid and neither of them have shirts on.
(I swear to god.)
Or if you’re reading a modern re-imagining of Peter Pan and the story involves blatant themes of gore in acute descriptive detail, mass murder, torture, and scenes with naked women and perverted fantasy-creature-men.
(Oh, wait.)
You’re probably thinking, “All those themes are found pretty much everywhere in every medium, especially the naked women and perverts. Big whoop.” I’ll add, then, all those themes, involving children.
Now you’re thinking, “Jenna don’t you love that movie Drag Me To Hell which involves a child being murdered within the first 2.5 minutes?”
Just hear me out and yes.
The Child Thief is entertaining in how CAPTIVATING the strangeness is. The tonal mishmash of kid-friendly meets rated-R is something I actually like, when it's a hit. I like things that have a quality of whimsy amidst dark themes. Movies such as Temple of Doom, Gremlins, Return to Oz, Darkman have this quality…basically almost every movie from the 1980s during the period when audiences had grown up with movies after censorship was abolished and half the world said “think of the children” and the other half said “no.” There are tons and tons of other examples in every medium of how general tonal contrast makes for unique and effective works of art. My point is, this specific type of tonal contrast also can be done well.
But those movies don’t open with attempted child rape, and they don’t end with children literally being mowed down in a grisly battle scene (I’m serious). I’m making a lot of comparisons to movies because the book almost feels like a movie, in that the author isn’t a novelist, he’s a visual story-maker who wrote a book because he knew that no movie studio would pick this shit up. Maybe the films I listed didn’t intend for tonal contrast to be a calculated driving element for their stories, but the subtlety of tones in those movies allows for one encompassing, harmonious tonal blanket to wrap them in. There is no subtlety in The Child Thief.
The tonal confusion of The Child Thief is, I almost wanna say coincidental. I think the author just didn’t know how to write well, but he’s a very dark visual guy and had all these dark visuals in his head ready to be unleashed. All the horrible violence and awful themes are fine in and of itself, but they aren’t earned if the attitude of “I’m gunna turn the children’s book foundation on its head” isn’t committed to, and “I’m gunna subvert everything you know and love about Peter Pan” isn’t calculatedly plotted out. The author has a bad sense of humor, a poor understanding of what is required of an epic storyline, and treats violence, horror and revenge less like a literary device and more like a fetishization of coolness in a vulgar display of power as a writer.
The misguidedness goes as far as the character writing. None of the characters’ motivations make sense. The author couldn’t keep track of either committing to one motivation or the other, a lot of the times for the sake of the plot. Especially with the Peter Pan character. He’s basically literally the anti-christ (this is 100% canon, if the author says it isn’t then he’s a liar and an idiot) and written like a “troubled villain” but then gets these VERY polarized directions of unrelenting psychopathic Cause It’s Die Motherfucka Die Motherfucka Still, Fool villainy and ham-fisted humanism and victimhood. It’s a case of like, the author meant for him to be the charming bad guy who tricks the audience into being on his side because that’s what Peter does to the characters in the book. But the author found him too cool and wanted to be his friend, but in order to justify being friends with a character who wants to murder everybody, he inappropriately gives him remorse and forces the reader to feel bad for him.
And like all the kids in the book are supposed to super love Peter Pan but the version of Neverland is like this horrific, NIGHTMARE HELL of a place and the kids are basically being used to fight in a war, and all the kids are totally okay with it, because their lives in the real world were really awful and the whole thing is that Peter “saves” them and they’ll do anything for him. And it’s like, okay???????????????????? But wouldn’t it be cooler if the kids were like okay this guy is a fucking psycho and Neverland is a horrific, nightmare hell and I’m learning a lot about myself right now having once trusted him???? And then in their retaliation Peter would show his true colors and enforce aggression onto them in serving as his personal enslaved militia? And it becomes like this inner circle of conflict? And since Peter is the only person who can bring them back to the real world, they play ball but hope to steer their own agenda out of the situation? OH, right, that DOES happen, but with ONE of the characters. ONE. Conveniently, the main character. And god knows there can’t be more than one smart human being at a time.
But if you want to SUBVERT the BELOVED CHILDREN’S STORY FORMAT wouldn’t it be fun to do PETER PAN VS. THE LOST BOYS? Instead of MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE PETER PAN AND THE HOT TOPIC LOST BOYS VS. THE ONLY SEMI-SMART MAIN CHARACTER? Like wouldn’t it be GREAT if the characters WEREN'T DUMB? And the author put in some CONSTRUCTIVE, CHALLENGING CREATIVE EFFORT and treated the interactions like a CHESS GAME instead of a CONTRIVED MISUNDERSTANDING BETWEEN JOEY, ROSS, CHANDLER, RACHEL, MONICA AND THE OTHER ONE? Wouldn’t it be GREAT if ALL THE CHARACTERS TURNED AGAINST PETER but then Peter SLOWLY CHARMED SOME OR ALL OF THEM BACK IN, to make him MORE like an UNEARTHLY MONSTER? Like the lost boys became SELF-AWARE LITERAL VICTIMS OF THE ORIGINAL TALE FORMAT, where Peter Pain is this IMPOSSIBLY CHARMING CHARACTER THAT IS BELOVED BY THE LAWS OF THE UNIVERSE? ALSO, the MAIN CHARACTER is supposed to be the MODEL OF REASON FOR THE READER TO RELATE TO, but the main character still gets CHARMED BY PETER PAN, WHILE WE KNOW AS RATIONAL ADULTS WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING TO HAPPEN? LIKE THAT’S SUPPOSED TO BE HOW READING BOOKS IS? When we KNOW WHAT’S GUNNA HAPPEN? BUT THE AUTHOR WANTS TO BE PETER’S FRIEND SO HE DOES IT ANYWAY? AND LIKE SEVERAL OTHER CHARACTERS THAT THE MAIN CHARACTER IS FRIENDS WITH ARE ALSO SUPPOSED TO BE FIGURES OF REASON BUT THEY’RE ALSO 100% PARTISAN IN SIDING WITH PETER? SO IT’S LIKE HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LIKE ALL YOU DUMB, DUMB KIDS?
LIKE OKAY, SO HOW IT GOES IS THAT PETER CAN LIKE WALK ACROSS THE DIMENSION BETWEEN NEVERLAND AND THE REAL WORLD AND THAT'S HOW HE GETS THE KIDS? SO AT ONE POINT IN NEVERLAND THEY ALL HAVE TO SCAVENGE FOR FOOD BECAUSE THE VEGETATION IN NEVERLAND IS DYING, AND THEY MENTION HOW PETER USED TO BRING THEM FOOD FROM THE REAL WORLD? AND IT'S LIKE, HOW ABOUT YOU JUST KEEP DOING THAT? OR LIKE, WHY DON'T ANY OF YOU WANT TO JUST LEAVE? YEAH THE REAL WORLD SUCKS, BUT IS IT WORTH STARVING TO DEATH JUST SO YOU CAN STICK IT TO THE MAN? LIKE ARE THERE PEDIATRICIANS IN NEVERLAND? ARE THERE AT-RISK YOUTH SHELTERS? FOSTER CARE? NEVERLAND SOUP KITCHENS? NEVERLAND SOCIAL WORKERS? NEVERLAND CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES? NEVERLAND POLICE? NO? JUST MONSTERS THAT PAINFULLY KILL YOU, ZOMBIE PIRATES, NO FOOD, AND LITERALLY THE ANTI-CHRIST?
AND THEN THERE’S RIDICULOUS SHIT LIKE, AT ONE POINT ALL THESE MAGICAL FANTASY CHARACTERS HIJACK A NEW YORK CITY FERRY TO GET TO THE HARBOR AND IT’S LIKE, THIS IS SO RIDICULOUS IT SHOULD BE AWESOME, BUT IT ISN’T AWESOME BUT IT SHOULD BE SO WHY ISN’T IT?
AND LIKE ONE OF THE CHARACTERS IS A FAT USELESS KID NAMED DANNY AND THERE IS NO REASON FOR HIM TO BE IN THE BOOK BESIDES TO BE THE TOKEN FAT USELESS KID NAMED DANNY?
BUT DANNY IS LIKE ALSO THE ONLY OTHER SMART CHARACTER IN THE BOOK BECAUSE HE’S LIKE WHY DID I SAY YES TO THIS WHY ARE WE STILL FOLLOWING THIS GUY WHY DON’T WE JUST LEAVE AND IT’S LIKE YEAH PUT DANNY IN CHARGE BUT NOBODY LISTENS TO HIM AND HE’S JUST COMPLETELY UTTERLY USELESS?
AND THEN CAPTAIN HOOK ADOPTS DANNY AND IT’S LIKE OH MY GOD THE AUTHOR FORGOT HE NEEDED TO GIVE DANNY SOMETHING TO DO?
AND LIKE I DON’T EVEN REMEMBER THE MAIN CHARACTER’S NAME?
AND THEN AT THE END OF THE BOOK, SO, THERE’S THIS BIG HUGE BATTLE SCENE WHERE CHILDREN DIE LEFT AND RIGHT, LIKE THE “ANTAGONIST” (NOT PETER) HAS A HUGE SWORD AND IS SWINGING AT THE KIDS LIKE HE’S HARVESTING WHEAT, OH AND YEAH, BY THE WAY, AGAIN, THE REAL WORLD IS LOCATED IN NEW YORK CITY AND THE BATTLE HAPPENS ON LIKE THE FRONT LAWN OF A LIBRARY OR SOMETHING. LIKE THE STORY KIND OF TOTALLY GOES OFF THE RAILS INTO FANTASTIC SCHLOCK. AND AT ONE POINT THE BATTLE IS ABRUPTLY INTERRUPTED BY NYC POLICE AND IT’S LIKE ARE YOU SHITTING MY NUTS THE NYC COPS ARE INVOLVED IN THIS FANTASY BATTLE THIS IS AMAZING, BUT THEN THAT DOESN’T HAPPEN AND IT GOES NOWHERE. AND ALL THE MAIN CHARACTERS ARE DYING, AND NONE OF THEM HAD ARCS, LIKE NONE OF THEM REALIZED WHAT THEY GOT THEMSELVES INTO OR WHAT PETER REALLY WAS, AND AT THE ACT 3 POST-LOW POINT THE MAIN CHARACTER DIDN’T GO OFF TO DO HIS OWN THING AND TRY TO SAVE THE DAY, HE JUST GOES WITH PETER TO DO WHATEVER HE WANTS, AND THEN HIS ARC IS BASICALLY NOTHING AND THEN HE DIES. AND *PETER* WINS. AND AGAIN HE’S LITERALLY THE ANTI CHRIST SO THE BOOK ENDS WITH HIM BRIDGING THE REAL WORLD WITH NEVERLAND, AND BASICALLY BEING THE BRINGER OF HELL UNTO THE EARTH. AND UP UNTIL THEN THE BOOK HAD ABOUT 68 INSTANCES OF THE READER SWITCHING BETWEEN FEELING BAD FOR PETER AND THEN ACCEPTING THAT HE IS HITLER NURSE RATCHED MAO STALIN. SO WHEN ALL THE KIDS DIE, HE HAS A SCENE OF FEELING REALLY BAD AND THE READER IS SUPPOSED TO BE ALL LIKE AW HE REALLY DOES CARE! AND THEN NEVERLAND GETS BRIDGED INTO NEW YORK CITY, AND HE’S LIKE HA HA HA HA I DID IT I WON. BUT IT’S WRITTEN IN SUCH A WAY THAT LIKE, THE AUDIENCE IS SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE, WHEEEEEE! LIKE THIS THING THAT HAPPENED IS THE DOOM OF MANKIND, AND THE TONE SHOULD REALLY BE “OH GOD NO.” BUT THE AUTHOR WAS HAPPY THAT PETER WON IN THE END BECAUSE HE WANTS TO BE HIS FRIEND, EVEN THOUGH LIKE FIFTEEN PAGES AGO PETER CAUSED THE DEATH OF AN ARMY OF CHILDREN (AFTER ANOTHER 600 PAGES OF ALL KINDS OF OTHER AWFUL SHIT). SO NOT ONLY ARE WE SUPPOSED TO FEEL SAD THAT PETER FEELS SAD, BUT THEN WE’RE SUPPOSED TO FEEL HAPPY THAT PETER FEELS HAPPY. HOW ABOUT GO FUCK YOURSELF? HOW ABOUT IF YOU’RE GOING TO MAKE PETER A CHALLENGING UNRELIABLE ANTI-HERO, DON’T MAKE HIS DARK QUALITIES SO INCONTESTABLY EVIL, OR, EITHER CHOOSE TO MAKE PETER HATED BY THE AUDIENCE, OR MAKE THE AUDIENCE FEEL FOOLISH FOR BEING CHARMED BY PETER AND PARTLY RESPONSIBLE FOR ALL THE BAD SHIT THAT HAPPENED AND GO FUCK YOURSELF?
...
I’ll give a different example of both tonal incongruence and bad character writing.
So, the opening scene of the book that involves attempted child rape, so. What happens is that Peter saves the little girl in time by killing the dad, and gains her trust to go to Neverland. The way the story regards the introduction to Peter is that of wonder and curiosity through the little girl’s eyes, as if it was derived from the original children’s tale. So the opener is meant to establish: a gritty “realness” to the book (which is never earned but i digress), and Peter as a mysterious magical hero. Then, the story carries on into describing Peter’s motivation in saving (the book uses “stealing”) children, which vaguely mentions his villainous indulgence (he’s saving children to recruit them in an army in Neverland to fight captain hook because his mommy is the president of neverland and there’s almost-Oedipal themes going on). Fine. However, the cadence of Peter actually being villainous is very very…undermined. Like the actual voice of the NARRATION is misinformed. Like the narration sounds more like Peter’s inner monologue speaking in the third person. Like the third person is in on it. Like the author is painting Peter as this wicked wrongdoer as if it’s a cool thing and he wants to be his friend (Oh wait).
This is how the voice of the opener is handled: Child rape —> Peter prevents child rape and saves child —> Peter is a good guy for doing this —> Peter is still a good guy for doing this but he did it maybe not for the right reasons. As it turns out, Peter is unquestionably the bad guy. Peter was the bad guy from the start, Peter was the bad guy while he was saving the little girl.
The rest of the book is handled like this: Peter is cool and badass  —> Peter is mischievous but still the person we want to follow —> Peter is a psycho...but still cool —> Oh shit Peter has a super awful past and his psycho-ness is the result of being a victim so I forgive him —> Wow Peter’s both a psycho and an asshole—> Okay I dunno about Peter —> The author keeps having Peter save people from being raped as if he’s not an asshole but he’s still a psycho and an asshole so I still don’t know —> The plot has a a lot of stuff so I guess I’m still with Peter —> Okay Peter won but everyone is dead because of him and he’s still an asshole so I still don’t know.
Peter tricks victims of rape, abuse, slavery, etc. into thinking they’re being saved when in fact he objectifies them for his personal needs. Remember how I said this book’s insane tonal confusion isn’t subtle? Well, from the book’s perspective, putting a finger on Peter’s good side and bad side...is subtle. Problematically subtle. Which, on a literary standpoint, sounds like a good thing, but...
This is the part when I say the thing you ACTUALLY SHOULDN’T BE SUBTLE ABOUT is PETER. You CAN be subtle about his tragic backstory. Be subtle about sprinkling his good qualities over his CAKE TOWER of BADNESS. Give him some KICK. Have the flavors INTERACT. Make the audience be like “OOOH, is that cumin?? Interesting! HMMMM! INTERESTING! CUMIN! ON DORITOS! YEAh I am definitely eating Doritos, this is absolutely Doritos, but there’s some CUMIN in there! Okay, back to eating my DORITOS! OOOOH, IS THAT CAYENNE?????” But whatever you do, make it CLEAR what you are SERVING. You should not have a MIXED BAG, a MEDLEY, and try to sell it like not-a-medley. You should NOT make half your plate super spicy and half your plate super sweet and make the audience roll the dice on each bite they take. Peter Pan isn’t some complexass Faustian character study, it’s SUBVERSIVE HYPERVIOLENT DARK FANTASY PORN. IT’S DORITOS
This is how the voice of the opener should've been handled: Child rape —> Peter prevents child rape and saves child —> Peter is the bad guy.
This is how the voice of the rest of the book should've been handled: No matter what happens —> Peter is the bad guy.
I don’t have and never will have the literary criticism credentials to say anything with credible boldness, but I’m going to say this anyway: Using child rape to force the reader to feel a certain way about the tone of the world and the first heroic impression of a character is wrong. Forcing an act of heroism (especially for you to then later say “Just kidding not the hero”) in that context is inappropriate and wrong. That’s like throwing 9/11 into the background of a love story to force the audience to feel extra emotional. 1) There are many, many, many, many ways you can establish “realness” in your opener with or without violence. I’m not saying there is a hierarchy of what kind of awful things involving children are okay to write about, but opening your story with attempted child rape is an unnecessary extreme if parts of your story reads like an episode of Saved By The Bell. Revenge alone isn’t cool. John Wick is cool because of the way revenge is handled. Writing about attempted child rape and then immediate revenge on the rapist is the Epipen-shot-to-the-brain method of forcibly getting your audience to go “I LIKE PETER!”, which isn’t at all earned and probably shouldn’t be in your story… 2) ESPECIALLY if you don’t simultaneously establish with slats nailed on a wall that Peter is the bad guy. The author basically deceived the audience into liking Peter in the worst way possible, ironically, which is what he had Peter do to the other characters. If you want to cleverly deceive the audience into liking Peter, do it through his dialogue, personality, the externalized product of the relationship between him and his environment. Be inventive about it. It’s a book. You got words. Use...words to your advantage. If you want to open your story with attempted child rape at the very least as a way to tell the audience this shit’s serious, don’t.
Just don’t. It’s fine.
The Child Thief can’t be pinned as So Bad It’s Good. It’s poor, but it’s not Tommy Wiseau-acclaim-bad. The only way I can describe it is So Disorderly It’s Weird. But it has potential for being SO Weird It’s Kind Of Genius. Which makes it So Almost SO Weird It’s Kind Of Genius It’s Frustrating.
The book’s biggest detriment is that it takes itself too seriously. The author’s motivating in writing the book (this is fact) was that he recognized that the beloved original tale of Peter Pan has a lot of dark elements, but continues to be celebrated as a children’s story. And he wanted to take that notion and run with it. What happened was that he selectively fell in love with elements of that concept, and instead of writing a story that was meant to pull the rug from under us, he ended up writing a run-of-the-mill edgy dark fantasy that he was obliged to pepper with Peter Pan references. Instead of pulling the entire rug beneath our feet and hauling us onto our asses, he took a small handful of rug here and there and just occasionally tugged at it roughly, so that we’d almost lose our balance and get annoyed and tell him to stop.
The book lacks its own conceptual self-awareness that it built for itself, and the result is two different bodies trying to be forcibly shoved into the same book-sized box, when it should’ve been a new gross, satirical, humorous, unique body entirely.
In that sense, I really think this book could’ve been truly unironically awesome. I love the idea of cartoonishly exaggerating the dark elements (especially the violence) of the original tale that have been culturally ignored, like a lot of (or most) (or all) old children’s tales. My ideal solution to this book would actually be making it even more ridiculous in every way, but strung together with self-awareness and intention, where the author could acknowledge that the absurdity is instrumental, not indulgent. There are many aspects of the book that I really like thematically, and none of them are fully (or at all) seen through to their potential. These ideas aren’t really intentionally presented in the book, but: I like the idea that Peter is a sadistic volatile killing machine because he’s cursed with being riiiiiight on the cusp of hitting puberty, and his body is trapped without that natural sexual/psychological release, turning him into an aggressive animal constantly teased by unfulfilled subconscious heat. I like the idea that the lost boys element would be subverted into an inevitable Lord of the Flies esque shitstorm. I like the idea that the danger and villainy are at first generalized in adults but eventually presented in the children. I like the idea that every single possible fucking thing in the world—both the real world (mostly nyc LoL!) and Neverland—are a threat and are actively trying to kill the children, and the children treat it like an adventure before the horror becomes real. I like the idea of illustrating the outcome of blindly following fun naive figures of leadership. There are even a number of character interaction scenes that I like format wise. Just minus the embarrassing dialogue. That stuff's easy to rewrite in your head as you read it. Also I would take out that part in the book that I described as Bette Midler not having a shirt on while preying on a 6 year old. That part was really fucking uncomfortable. Seriously wtf, Gerald Brom.
I must concede this notion: The writer didn’t set out to create a masterpiece. He wrote the book to have fun. He succeeded, and his readers expected the same thing and received the experience they wanted. Of all the things that could’ve landed in my hands and tickled me in a weird enough way to make me wish it was better, for some reason it had to be this.
I could keep going, but...eh, (sigh).
But lastly—again, the descriptive writing of the world is very lush, and at times effectively horrific. The reading experience is a constant stop and start call-and-response of really great potential, really clumsy writing, and really misunderstood tonal directions. All those things put this book directly on the edge of FRUSTRATING. Uniquely frustrating. It couldn’t have been salvaged by the hands of a more competent writer, because the product came to light specifically out of the author’s unintentional confusion, not his laziness. A lazy product with potential can be salvaged through additions and tweaks, but The Child Thief cannot because the story was seen through the way it existed in the author’s head and heart. It is exactly what it...is. It can’t be imitated, or inspired by, or re-re-imagined. This weirdass fucking book is just sitting on this planet, being read by people, and shit. 
…..Anyway. This was all just meant to be the caption for my fan art. http://jennacha.tumblr.com/post/172559227502/i-made-fan-art-of-a-book-i-both-love-and-hate-lol
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globalbuzzcoupleworld · 5 years ago
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8 Signs You’re Dating A Man-Child
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There are two sorts of men who refuse to get older. One isn’t better than the opposite, just different. the primary guy still parties sort of a frat boy, plays around, openly admits he doesn’t want commitment and manipulates to urge what he wants. He lies, cheats, and only cares about himself.
The second sort of guy is equally frustrating. He believes he should calm down and tries to convince himself – and you – that he's capable. His wild ways aren’t licentious or sexual, rather very childlike. rather than binge drinking like he’s 21, he’s playing like he’s 12. rather than being a player, he’ll work you over together with his childlike whimsy and carefree charms. He lies to himself, marches to the beat of his drum, and, like the primary type, only cares about himself. Both are available all shapes, sizes, cultural backgrounds, and socioeconomic levels. Although the primary one usually has more monetary success and likes to point out of material possessions that he feels make himself look better. The other would rather spend his meager wages on comic books and skim them during his nightly bath.
I’ve known men like this and had a variety of girlfriends undergo the ups and downs of dating a person who simply can’t get his life together. Here are eight signs that it's going to be time to maneuver on and find a true man.
You Continually Nag
First Type: it's usually warranted due to bad behavior. He cheated on you, stood you up, lied to you, etc.
Second Type: This man-child truly doesn’t understand what you’re talking about. He’s clueless on what an adult, romantic relationship entails. You constantly question your sanity because his actions aren’t necessarily awful deeds, they’re just very immature. Neither type will change. Ever. It doesn’t matter how long you’re willing to attend. Men who act like children have an uncanny way of creating you are feeling like you’re complaining for “no good reason,” and making “mountains out of molehills.” you regularly feel discombobulated. But he’s just being who he's. the primary type is being honest when he says he doesn’t need a commitment and therefore the second show you together with his actions that he’s not ready. The longer you stick it out, the angrier you’ll be at yourself for accepting but what you deserve.
His Priorities Don’t Line Up
First Type: He only has eyes for you, until you catch him gazing into another woman’s eyes across from a romantic dining table.
Second Type: He only has eyes for you, until his buddy that he hasn’t seen “in an extended time” (like a week) calls and needs to ascertain the newest Star Wars film.
You should be his No. 1 priority. If you are feeling like you’re constantly having to bid for a man’s time or it seems he would rather spend time with friends, it’s time to reconsider the connection.
He’s the foremost Fun To Be With
First Type: The perpetual bachelor lives within the moment. He doesn’t like conflict because he can’t handle the diligence it takes to resolve issues. this sort also wants you and everybody else to love him. He’s often the lifetime of the party.
Second Type: This one always enjoys living within the moment but tends to be more of an introvert, so it’s most special and fun when it’s just you two. He loves making you laugh and sometimes tells you to “breathe,” or “relax” and “enjoy the evening.”
Like children, both sorts of personalities live and act on how they feel within the moment. Time is fleeting for them. They don’t like plans or compromise – ultimately not fun in the least.
You Pick Up After Him
First Type: You’ll devour the tab, his chin when he’s pouting, and tons of slack for not letting him do what he wants.
Second Type: You’ll devour his underwear, his laundry, and anything his mom would be learning if he still lived reception. Men who refuse to get older aren't responsible men. That’s obvious. Sure, everyone deserves a touch pampering once during a while, but if you notice a pattern of getting to try to his chores, or devour the pieces when things fail, it’s a red flag.
He Can’t Form Or Maintain A Healthy Family
First Type: Likes to stay up with the Joneses, so may eventually marry and have kids. Many of those marriages find yourself in divorce with the person barely active in his children’s’ lives.
Second Type: These men rarely accept women, including marry. If they are doing, it’s supported by a logistic and strict set of rules.
He Gives Gifts
Both Types: sort of a child who was naughty and brings a flower to his mom for forgiveness, so will Peter Pans. It’s easier to distract with pretty packages, flowers, and lavish gifts than to resolve the underlying issues.
Ultimately most of those men know when they’ve tousled and can apologize. But unlike a touch boy who doesn’t have the insight or experience to know what went wrong, they ought to have the power as men to possess a mature conversation, fight fairly and work things out.
He Doesn’t Want To Lose You, But He Won’t Work that tough to stay You
Both Types: presumably these men will misbehave or escape with their immaturity for as long as they will before you opt that enough is enough. This way, it’s your fault for ending the connection. the opposite scenario is you get so uninterested that you simply attack, raise your voice, or maybe act inappropriately by names or not fighting fairly. Now you’re “crazy” and have caused the breakup. He feels he’s within the clear.
He Avoids Serious Conversations
Both Types: If you see the panic on a guy’s face any time you mention joining your lives together, getting married, or having children, that’s another red flag. A man-child can have a particularly high IQ, but also not be very emotionally equipped. He will avoid, deflect, and isolate before communicating his true needs, wants, and feelings.
Living with a man-child is painful, unsatisfying, and sure to end with someone getting hurt. the larger question is, why are you drawn to unavailable men? the likelihood is that, if you’re reading this, it's going to be time to ditch the dude and begin looking within for happiness. A man-child is nearly impossible so far or marry. He may never change, but you'll. Therapy, meditation, and support groups are there to assist. There are some specialized fish out there, too. I promise.
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fictionallyattractive · 7 years ago
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Kids Just Gotta Have Fun
[Fandom: My Hero Academia.] [Rated: M - Mostly for Harsh Language and Alcohol Antics] [College AU] [Pairings: Izuku Midoriya/Shoto Todoroki + Katsuki Bakugou/Eijirou Kirishima + Other Minor Pairings and Dates]
Can Also Be Read Here On AO3! ♥
Chapter 1: One Of the Cool Kids
     Izuku realized almost instantly that this was a mistake. This crowded, woozy, place was a bad choice. The music that was too loud- the voices that were too stoned, too crude to be heard was a poor decision blasting like techno over speakers he wove away from in a hypnotized step.
    The furniture was a blockade he could barely avoid then; his arms felt bruised from the bumping. His legs almost felt more numb than his stomach sucking out the poison of his drink swirling around where his hand clasped solidly in the heave of his sudden breath.
    That drink was his second mistake after showing up here in this distorted group of peers all taking on new, seemingly, wilder masks of themselves.
    But he could still taste that bitterness on his tongue. Something that wasn't among the berry and the tangy soda water as he abandoned the last cup by the mantle and sat as far as he could from the noise boosting the chaos induced from the bit of alcohol Izuku couldn't wash away from his already hazed thoughts.
    Maybe some part of him came to make friends. The party was like an invitation to meet and greet with whoever he wanted; it was supposed to be that chance for Izuku to finally make that move from quiet "nerd" to a kid who actually made an impact.
    That perfectly timed blow to the social world that would make checking his accounts worth the while when he tried not to doze off in English class.
    The only faces he could see were those he'd never seen a day in his life. But why would he? They were from another college, some local gig he'd only heard of in side chatter and brochures he passed by through the main halls of his own campus suddenly brimming with the likes of their class.
    What he did know about them was that they weren't like his own friends. They weren't Ochako Uraraka dancing almost surrounded by her best friends with that gleaming grin taken over with ethereal happiness when she moved.
     No, they had Camie, a streak of whimsy whose mouth ran like a motor when dunked in the punch Izuku tossed away. A blonde with a defined interest in companionship who should have been someone Izuku would have liked.
      Unfortunately, he was frozen. His legs wouldn't work now when they flopped out on the nearest sofa and gave in. Honestly, he felt as though he'd been betrayed by everything. His own emotions were fried between longing to just dance and let go- to celebrate the unknown and kick back another drink like Yo Shindo who hid insults under compliments in a snide grin only his classmates could enjoy.
    They were just college students. He had no reason to fear them like snakes, spiders, like creatures of complete darkness that watched as Izuku tried to shut his mind and mouth before feeling vomit edge down the shaft of his throat harshly in an acidic bile Camie alluded to with a quizzical expression.
     Her drink was gestured toward him in place of her hand, eyes narrowed kindly as Izuku listened to her question ring out. "Are you okay?"
     Actually no, he wanted to explain, clutching back the desire to purge the dizziness and the useless anxiety. But he had a feeling all that would come up was lunch and the bottle of water he'd guzzled just before opening the door to this thriving location.
    And, if it mattered at all, Izuku just wanted to get out before everything came out. The twirl of emotions, of his insides, of the urge to bail out of there like the Flash if his system were half paralyzed and half awe-struck by the watchful eyes of mysterious peers all content to be sipping liquor straight out of a glass bowl Izuku dodged just as heels slammed the wood floor and dashed from his seat.
    Camie stepped aside gracefully, her smile appearing as soon as the green-haired student booked it from under her gaze with his fingers spread across his lips ready to burst when he didn't even know where to run for.
    "Bathroom to the right, I think!" Her voice called, but he was probably out of reach of even her booming voice lilting back to the rest if her crew when Izuku was buried out of sight and out of mind in the corner of the dancefloor next to those he knew well enough to feel a little more at ease.
    "Whoa- not on me, please!" Hanta Sera cried as he flinched away from his friend when Izuku's hand dropped from his jawline suddenly. While the urge to let it out faded he still felt like shit.
    Like it was lurking under his gut, paining him with the misery of deep breaths just as his lingering classmates observed when he slumped to the wall, and held it back once more just to say something back.
    "I'm good," He lied, one hand brushing away the touch that Hanta offered as the other braced himself to the wall. "I think I need some sleep or at least a bathroom very soon-"
    "Next door on your right," Denki Kaminari spoke up, clinging back from the fear of being the target of bile. Still, his face brought comfort. A sharp grin, jagged hair that formed black and blond spikes his hands could course through crudely if he tried.
     "I think I'll be okay for now," Came the weak response Izuku consoled him with, attempting to force back that glazed look of clamminess in his face and skin. It all felt kind of gross and yet exhilarating at one time; it was thrilling yet disgusting- that somehow surging feeling in his veins causing Izuku to crank out a single smile back to his friends. "Unless you want to hang around and see."
   Denki dramatically pushed his body to the wall in a laugh. "Don't do it, I swear to god-"
    "I won't!"
    Izuku pondered, maybe it wasn't that bad. Maybe those random kids just weren't his cup of tea- they just weren't capable of understanding what it was like hoping someone would just find the time and will to talk to him instead of him doing all the talking.
    His heart was racing, yet his brain wasn't working on hyper drive anymore. Maybe the upperclassmen were right when they said he needed to cut loose and find what it meant to let go- to have the time of his life before he was graduating with piss poor grades and it didn't quite work out for him like he'd hoped.
     Like a fall-back plan that only a drop-out could come up with, he thought, or someone like Minoru Mineta who only dreamed he would ever study like the rest of them and make it big. He'd think something like a wild party would make paying thousands of dollars worthwhile.
    But, the thing was, Izuku hated that plan. The one that said his memories would last forever when they didn't even last the minute, the hour- the second he was damn near wasted after even just a few more sips of coaxing.
    Hanta could do it. He could take the taste like a champion unlike Izuku would have ever seen! Frankly, he was proud of the guy. The dark hair being pushed back over his forehead as he chugged it, setting the cup aside in a bow as Denki and someone else applauded- a blur in Izuku's fragmented state that couldn't even focus on a face anymore.
    There was a crew in the corner playing a couple of games creeping on the border of inappropriate. Tangled lips, bumped noses played around a bottle with their cellphones snapping pics of good hookups Izuku was too shy to join.
    He'd never been kissed- never been touched like the dancers around Kyoka Jirou making her feel like the last girl alive in the midst of heated drops and beats blasting under her sneakers Izuku had to watch or see it all.
    He couldn't dance either. And he could never dance like them with hips in such a circular motion- arms clinging to one another til his breath was lost among the gaping guys who had to move along or be caught dead.
    There was confusion- his tipsy stare losing its impressions as he stumbled more so thank walked among his classmates. They were just faces now. They were just another person in the mass of body heat and breathy, slurred, sound.
    But he could still hear the sounds.
    Chanting, a roaring battle of tones and arguing shouts that butted against each other like horns in every screeching challenge they gave.
   He just didn't know how it started. How it came to this sequence of threats and harsh words.
    Something Izuku could still see? That Inasa Yoarashi was at least a couple inches taller than Shoto Todoroki and staring down at him like the barrel of a gun trained on his scarred face. His menacing words minced like tiny knives- wrenching a painful insult into the face of Izuku's classmate mercilessly.
     Inasa didn't need to think about it. He hated the kid, and he hated him for making him have to hate him- making him waste his time standing like there a statue when Inasa was prepared for the first shot to be taken.
    Shoto had his fist drawn; his teeth were gnashed together tight as Izuku recalled hurdling between the gathering crowd of lifted voices for one reason- something he forgot as he bee-lined through the hallway and felt his heels dig into the wood just to watch how white hands were shoved into Shoto's chest and tried to knock him back.
    "Go on," Inasa snapped. "Hit me like the hero you are."
    Shoto was ready to try, but his form stayed frozen even in the heat of the situation consuming him.
    Not that Yo would have let him fall. He just shoved him back in, tossing away the reasoning to stop it all before it really began- but he was just another drunken teenager screaming "Fight!" at the top of his lungs into the circle of punches soon to be thrown as they all watched.
    He could hear Momo Yaoyorozu crying out to stop them- her panic evident. Minoru wanted to see how it played out- his excitement building like bricks the way Izuku's heavy chest and stomach felt when he let his own voice ring out, but it seemed to mean almost nothing.
    "Stop it," Izuku felt his lips exclaim, or so he thought. Maybe it was just a mumble. Perhaps no one even heard him say a thing as his arms began forcing open a hole in the crowd before him, watching it all go down like a ship in the debris when Shoto Todorki's head turned acutely from the way Inasa swung.
   "Stop it-"
    "Hey, Izuku!" Someone cried, gasping aloud as their shout was drowned upon dozens of other exclamations and groans sounding through the herd.
    "How dumb are you?" Someone asked loudly when it all halted abruptly when the floor was all that Izuku felt under his palms and his cheek thudding hard with his heartbeat that made everyone sound so far away.
    He'd honest to god been punched so many times before that he would have thought he would have learned to expect it. But they just never stopped throbbing. Never started making him reconsider the things he did before diving face-first into a brawl that wound up getting him smacked down brutally into the floor at his friends' feet as they divided to help him up.
    "You would rather just let your friend take the hit than fight back," Inasa snickered as his back turned from Shoto, ignoring how the UA students fussed over Izuku like herded cattle. Izuku heard him say it, grinding his teeth as his eye felt like it bled from its socket when his expression twitched.
   Even though it was just the alcohol, for the most part. It was just the thrill of the situation that drove him to become some idiotic hero whose face was growing twice the size of a balloon- he just wanted to feel like he hadn't done something so intensely dumb at that second when the party was over.
    Mostly because Toshinori Yagi and Shota Aizawa, a couple of pretty pissed off teachers looming over the scene said so.
    "Scrape him off the floor," Mr. Aizawa demanded with a sigh. His bloodshot eyes stared jaggedly over to Camie and Yo who began gathering their things as they prepared to depart. "And everyone get out."
    Too bad Izuku didn't remember much more than that.
    Waking up after that was just a little worse. It was a pinch of humiliation mixed with a hefty amount of swelling pressing into the pillow he turned toward in a miserable groan. It felt like it throbbed to the touch, his fingers sliding away as they threaded into emerald green of his hair.
    The sound of the alarm next to his head was a nuisance, the burden of his classes weighing his body deeper into the mattress as though he were being sucked into its grasp. But he could hardly find the energy to move, the will to search for the droning sound blaring close to his ear as Izuku felt everything shriek with pain at once.
   His head, his stomach, his face that despised his every movement even when drawing the pillow across his jaw like an ice pack that only soothed its scorching agony for just a moment when dragging his legs over the edge of the bed creaking on his cautious steps.
    One step closer to a sight he'd never get out of his brain- one that paralyzed his entire body just grazing its dreadful scene in the reflection. Even when dim, it was obvious.
     The blackened flesh that plastered his jaw, the bruised complexion of his cheek widened like the rounded shape of a fist he could still feel planting into the side of his face. Like he could still act out his dramatic failure by flopping onto the floor- that's how fresh it felt- how it looked when he dared lean in closer to inspect its damage.
    Severe enough that he cringed, rubbing his nape awkwardly as excuses ran rampant through his mind. But who would believe them?
    With his phone running off the hook with notifications he was positive not a single soul would think he ran into a bathroom door or suffered some unfortunate baseball accident. Not when everyone who knew him had seen his hundreds of superhero posters and collections of manga- not really one for sports after all.
    If he learned anything from that one, incredibly strange incident, it was that he acted stupid, drank himself stupid, and, now of all things, wound up looking stupid with the trophy of Inasa Yoarashi swelling out to be traced by his finger like a tumour stretching out of his face.
    But that's just what he got for playing it off cool.
    Chasing the pills with coffee made it a little better. Katsuki Bakugou only felt his best when not slumped over his homework hungover; his ideal morning right now fading back like a dream when he thought about grasping the sheets of his bed, forgetting the exams like his end of the nightmare was over.
    The pills dulled the headache at least, and the coffee made him feel like he'd slept more than the three hours after being cast out of the main building like trash for winding up tipsy and out of his mind like the rest of them.
    Losers.
    And he wasn't one of them; not a wimp that couldn't force out thoughtless ideals on paper for his essay due in a day as it formed on his notebook aimlessly. It meant nothing. His mind sloshing out garbage with ease as he leaned against his wrist, pressing into his temple as the pressure still canned his process painfully.
   He swore it felt too warm outside anyway- hard to focus even when shucking the Varsity jacket absorbing more sunlight than needed in the autumn breeze sucking all his concentration like sap.
    Maybe it was all a blatant trap. Distractions engulfing the green in masses, all staring down at their phones like they had been apart of the reel of last night's gamble. The events posted on every site available to their mindless devices displaying every angle of the students no one got to see.
    Not when they were losing their damn minds over a few tastes of alcohol slipped in like a phantom drug to their drinks. Just a bunch of idiots lost to the devices of mind games and slurred behaviour that made Katsuki's teeth grind.
    Because he was among those idiots.
    Hell, he couldn't handle the liquor either. It made him want to gag- the taste so bitter it made him choke- its dizziness still lingering as it preyed on his weakness. It played him like the fool he was and made him into the kind of spineless creature he refused to become.
    And the chance that any of those cameras saw that mocked him. It destroyed him as his fingers stretched tighter around his pencil with efforts to think back to the passage he scanned with a hefty sigh.
    Did he even give a fuck about poetry? Did any of these lines mean anything but nonsense to him?
     The answer was no, but it wasn't like he focused on them enough to find any meaning. He wanted to think about watching Shoto Todoroki getting served with something well-deserved. At least, that's what Katsuki thought of it.
    Watching Inasa hover him, bark at him like a mad dog with his hands shoving him, pushing him down a few notches while Katsuki joined the crowd and just begged them to fight it out. It was the right thing to do. Stupid as all hell, but it felt right.
    Shoto could take the hit, and he got to see him battered like yesterday's hero with pleasure. Win-win, and it made Katsuki smirk just recalling it. One of the only things he could remember really since he was so out of it after that chugging contest with his friends that it all blacked out.
    Roses are red, violets are blue, if I hated anyone it'd be fucking you.
    Now that was poetry, he teased in his mind, humming in victory as it made his eyes roll. He'd do any kind of procrastinating to avoid this shit right now.
     He'd even talk to the one guy he almost couldn't stand the most. A lie, true, but it was one of those pride things weaved into his skull as his hand slammed down on his textbook when he raised his voice across the green as a body passed. Their vivid hair stood out among the bland colour scheme of the outdoors.
    "What the fuck are you doing, dumbass?"
    Eijiro Kirishima paused roughly, face packed with a defensive bewilderment as his body seemed to stiffen at the call. He was dressed somehow well for the morning after the night of their ruined lives.
    Matching jacket with the varsity patch, rugged jeans gashed at the knees sluggishly moving closer with the toss of his bag along the seat opposite of Katsuki Bakugou whose vision narrowed on the lack of gel in his friend's hair.
    Rival, he corrected daftly.
    "You never wear your hair like that," He commented, snubbing him altogether as Eijiro tried to smile and wave his way through the confrontation. "It's fucking weird."
    "When it's down?" The red-head asked curiously, smoothing his fingers at the back of his head where the loose ponytail looped around his fingers that seemed to shake  even as he let them fall away from the holder. "I-I didn't have the energy to style it, bro."
    "Since when do you do anything?" He asked, referring to their athletics, hinting subtly at the last few attempts of training together where Katsuki wound up besting him at a few repetitions of exercises before Eijiro was passing up weights and push-ups for breathers.
    Sly as he was, Katsuki knew it no longer hurt Eijiro to be poked fun at- not by Katsuki who never meant a damn thing he said by default. At least, not when he knew it was the only guy who trusted him enough to say they were friends.
   Friends who bickered, playfully insulted one another- made sure they really felt the burn when they pushed each other to the brink of insanity and athletics.
    But being Katsuki's friend was like playing with fire. It looked cool- a stunning mark on the reputation that scarred and left him feeling a little singed as soon as he saw the blond's mouth open in another rebuttal.
    He always had something witty to say, and Eijiro just wasn't quick enough on the draw yet to top him.
    "Says the guy in the hoodie and sweatpants,"
    "Did you mean, my usual attire?" Katsuki quipped, head tilting as his coffee was chugged back before being cast aside into the nearest trash can.
   "You dressed up for the party yesterday-"
   "That's a damn lie,"
    Ripped jeans and a black tank top definitely cut the edge of dressing up, yes, but it was enough to say that the red-head wasn't foolish for noticing the gap in difference.
    "I want poetry to fucking die- spill the answers before I ruin your day." Katsuki finally cut to the point of calling his Rival over just as he drummed his fingertips on his textbook impatiently.
    Not that Eijiro had any time to actually read their homework very thoroughly himself seeing as his night left him drained- his emotions tipping scales as he felt sweat beading on the back of his skin when Katsuki huffed out a breath that pushed wisps of thin blond over his nose.
   Sharp teeth hesitated to speak, lips drawn over a few syllables as he thought carefully before speaking on his swift, poor, decision. "You just wanted to talk about our homework?"
   "I don't really want to talk to you any other time, so yeah?" His voice tilted to a question for a moment before watching his friend form a sarcastic smirk. "Your lazy ass did your homework, right?"
   "You always steal my answers!"
    A wave of comforting whimsy washed over the dorky athlete, his deep exhale lurking under a thrum of anxiety that slowly slipped back into the confines of his joyful expression when Katsuki gestured needily for the binder Eijiro pulled from his bag. And it was ripped out of his grasp before he could argue- watching as the pages were flipped knowingly to the right section- by memory.
    A display of the frequency that Katsuki Bakugou didn't do his homework like he said when he began scanning the chicken-scratch writing for keywords he could sprinkle into his own essay without remorse.
    "I'll actually do this shit when I'm not hungover,"
    The red-head's hand concealed a yawn as he nodded. "Yeah, Mr. Toshinori says the punch we drank was spiked- don't know who did it though."
    "Why would we?" Katsuki scoffed.
    "'Dunno? Cameras?" He leaned his chin onto the picnic table as he tried scrolling through his phone absently to ease the tension from the rest of his gut at long last. "What do you remember?"
    His fingers stopped on the keys of his typing, reluctant to have asked as his lips moved without reason- his eyes snapping shut as he heard the table creak and his friend mutter something foul.
   "A fucking pathetic fight, I guess? Me chugging a shit drink that tasted like puke? What else you wanna know?"
    Eijiro shrugged, snickering as he rebuked "Your snapchat?"
    Katsuki's eyes rolled, but he slid his cellphone to the willing poetry donator after unlocking the device's screen for him.
   "Send me anything weird, and you're dead."
    "What defines as weird?"
    Eijiro watched as he added the name read off the user screen, the notification appearing on Katsuki's phone as he sent it through and let his trembling hand hold it momentarily.
    Katsuki flipped his book closed, the binder he borrowed being forced back into Eijiro's grasp as he recollected his cellphone with a grunt.
    They both started to stand, the table almost being shifted aside as the red-head's graceless attempts to jolt out of its reach were almost rushed. He was instantaneous to react, his face crudely forming a grin as he tried to end the conversation with a fist bump- or a handshake-
   Katsuki could hardly tell as awkwardly formed as it was.
    And, either way, he didn't care. It was an invitation to grab him by the knuckle and squeeze so hard it made the guy gasp, his heels driven off their stance as Katsuki drove his shoulder into Eijiro brutally until he was knocked off his feet and to the grass with a groan of slight pain when his stomach argued with the strike nastily.
    It was a game they played. A weird strength test that made them somehow feel a little more manly the less it hurt to be tossed into nearby lockers and walls.
    A guy thing, Eijiro liked to explain, but no one could make sense of his pleasure in being almost bullied by Katsuki who watched him struggle to stand for a second as his breath coughed out raggedly and his fingers raked the earth for support.
   It was just like that. Katsuki was an aggressive guy, and he had an oddly aggressive way of greeting and saying goodbye to his friends who stood to wave him off.
    "See ya later," Eijiro called out, watching as Katsuki did nothing to answer him back even after hearing him. But that was best.
   Eijiro clung to his phone, sweat on his palm making it hard to hold it tight as it felt like it would slide out of his touch at any second.
    He could see the message ghosting his notifications as a warning he didn't want to answer yet- his heart shadowed in anxiety again as he felt his teeth bite hard to his lip.
[Best Bro - (Sent 04:02 am) - I don't think you should even ask him about it yet. It's Katsuki, and Katsuki is, well, Katsuki.]
     His fingers began typing back swiftly, breath held as he slumped back against the picnic table, glancing to see Katsuki off by the main building as he squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, then replied.
[You - (Sent 11:18 am) - He doesn't even remember anything!! D: ]
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nightmare-afton-cosplay · 6 years ago
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Leon Russell’s Magical Storybook Tennessee Cottage — This Home’s for You
Gary Gershoff/Getty Images; realtor.com
This remarkable Tennessee home appears to have been ripped from the pages of a storybook, which is not inappropriate when you consider its lineage. It was owned by Rock and Roll Hall of Famer Leon Russell, the musician who penned a number of classic hits, including “A Song for You,” “Tight Rope,” and “This Masquerade.”
He lived in the Hermitage, TN, home, described as “magical” by all who see it, for five years, before he passed away in 2016 at the age of 74. The home is being sold by Russell’s widow, Jan, for $999,900.
“I still get a feeling of peace whenever I drive up,” says listing agent Diane Wilhoit. “It has such creative energy, you draw from its feeling and its really cool vibe.”
Wilhoit recalls that the Russells felt that energy the second they drove up. The home was built in 1992 by the prolific Nashville composer Dennis Linde, noted for composing Elvis Presley’s smash hit “Burning Love” and other award-winning hits. Linde passed away in 2006, and in 2011, his wife decided it should be the next home of Leon Russell, so she invited him over. The rest is a slice of music history.
The home makes an immediate impression, with its English countryside cottage exterior, complete with cobblestones, diamond-paned windows, and gabled roof, which gives the appearance of being thatched.
Leon Russell’s storybook home
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English country style near Nashville
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The Russells paid $900,000 for the 6,120-square-foot Tudor with four bedrooms, four full bathrooms, and two half-baths. Russell then proceeded to make it his own, knowing it was the ideal location for a musician.
He built a full recording studio (which is intact, sans equipment) and an accompanying jungle lounge. Since the home sits on 8.34 acres of wooded land, which left plenty of room for parking, no small consideration for a touring musician. According to Wilhoit, the property was able to accommodate a tour bus and had plenty of space for roadies to leave their cars while on the road.
Leon Russell’s home recording studio
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The home is 25 to 30 minutes from downtown Nashville, but only 15 minutes from the airport, depending on traffic.
He also transformed the elevator into an enormous rock and roll tribute, lining the walls with portraits of other musical greats.
Elevator
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Wilhoit adds that the home is full of inspiration. “There’s such a feeling of peace here, but also of whimsy,” she notes. “Leon and Jan used to sit out on the terrace overlooking the koi pond for hours, just talking, listing to the waterfall, enjoying life.”
Terrace overlooking the koi pond
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Koi pond
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The library features a turret housing an intriguing illuminated globe. The globe will remain with the house, because it complements the beautiful decoupage map of the world on the ceiling overhead.
Library
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An illuminated globe comes with the house, with a map of the world overhead.
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The extensive wood paneling throughout the home has been recently refinished. It’s especially dramatic in the two-story entry hall, which includes a gallery.
Two-story entry hall with gallery.
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Other unique features of the home include stained glass, pointed arch windows, and three elegant fireplaces, one of which can serve as an indoor grill, next to the kitchen area.
Pointed arch windows
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Master bedroom fireplace
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Kitchen area fireplace
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Close-up of kitchen fireplace
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At the current price, a buyer stands to score an amazing deal on this one-of-a-kind charmer. Wilhoit says the home is priced $50,000 below appraisal.
She explains that Jan lived in the home for several years after Leon passed away, but eventually realized she didn’t need all the space and moved down to Florida.
Since she’s decided to part with it, it’s been on the market a few times in the past year, for as much as $1,437,000. It even went into contract with a musician during that time, but the deal fell through.
Wilhoit says that Jan is ready to let the place go and move on, and has priced it accordingly. “It’s just waiting for the next special person who will come in and fall in love with it,” she added.
Front door
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Russell, a native of Oklahoma, wrote and recorded songs for decades, spanning almost every genre of music. He earned six gold records, two Grammys, and was inducted into both the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and the Songwriters Hall of Fame.
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