you're grabbing lunch with a nice man and he gives you that strange grimace-smile that's popular right now; an almost sardonic "twist" of his mouth while he looks literally down on you. it looks like he practiced the move as he leans back, arms folded. he just finished reciting the details of NFTs to you and explaining Oppenheimer even though he only watched a youtube about it and hasn't actually seen it. you are at the bottom of your wine glass.
you ask the man across from you if he has siblings, desperately looking for a topic. literally anything else.
he says i don't like small talk. and then he smiles again, watching you.
a few years ago, you probably would have said you're above celebrity gossip, but honestly, you've been kind of enjoying the dumb shit of it these days. with the rest of the earth burning, there's something familiar and banal about dragging ariana grande through the mud. you think about jeanette mccurdy, who has often times gently warned the world she's not as nice as she appears. you liked i'm glad my mom died but it made you cry a lot.
he doesn't like small talk, figure out something to say.
you want to talk about responsibility, and how ariana grande is only like 6 days older than you are - which means she just turned 30 and still dresses and acts like a 13 year old, but like sexy. there's something in there about the whole thing - about insecurity, and never growing up, and being sexualized from a young age.
people have been saying that gay people are groomers. like, that's something that's come back into the public. you have even said yourself that it's just ... easier to date men sometimes. you would identify as whatever the opposite of "heteroflexible" is, but here you are again, across from a man. you like every woman, and 3 people on tv. and not this guy. but you're trying. your mother is worried about you. she thinks it's not okay you're single. and honestly this guy was better before you met, back when you were just texting.
wait, shit. are you doing the same thing as ariana grande? are you looking for male validation in order to appease some internalized promise of heteronormativity? do you conform to the idea that your happiness must result in heterosexuality? do you believe that you can resolve your internal loneliness by being accepted into the patriarchy? is there a reason dating men is easier? why are you so scared of fucking it up with women? why don't you reach out to more of them? you have a good sense of humor and a big ol' brain, you could have done a better job at online dating.
also. jesus christ. why can't you just get a drink with somebody without your internal feminism meter pinging. although - in your favor (and judgement aside) in the case of your ariana grande deposition: you have been in enough therapy you probably wouldn't date anyone who had just broken up with their wife of many years (and who has a young child). you'd be like - maybe take some personal time before you begin this journey. like, grande has been on broadway, you'd think she would have heard of the plot of hamlet.
he leans forward and taps two fingers to the table. "i'm not, like an andrew tate guy," he's saying, "but i do think partnership is about two people knowing their place. i like order."
you knew it was going to be hard. being non-straight in any particular way is like, always hard. these days you kind of like answering the question what's your sexuality? with a shrug and a smile - it's fine - is your most common response. like they asked you how your life is going and not to reveal your identity. you like not being straight. you like kissing girls. some days you know you're into men, and sometimes you're sitting across from a man, and you're thinking about the power of compulsory heterosexuality. are you into men, or are you just into the safety that comes from being seen with them? after all, everyone knows you're failing in life unless you have a husband. it almost feels like a gradebook - people see "straight married" as being "all A's", and anything else even vaguely noncompliant as being ... like you dropped out of the school system. you cannot just ignore years of that kind of conditioning, of course you like attention from men.
"so let's talk boundaries." he orders more wine for you, gesturing with one hand like he's rousing an orchestra. sir, this is a fucking chain restaurant. "I am not gonna date someone who still has male friends. also, i don't care about your little friends, i care about me. whatever stupid girls night things - those are lower priority. if i want you there, you're there."
he wasn't like this over text, right? you wouldn't have been even in the building if he was like this. you squint at him. in another version of yourself, you'd be running. you'd just get up and go. that's what happens on the internet - people get annoyed, and they just leave. you are locked in place, almost frozen. you need to go to the bathroom and text someone to call you so you have an excuse, like it's rude to just-leave. like he already kind of owns you. rudeness implies a power paradigm, though. see, even your social anxiety allows the patriarchy to get to you.
you take a sip of the new glass of wine. maybe this will be a funny story. maybe you can write about it on your blog. maybe you can meet ariana grande and ask her if she just maybe needs to take some time to sit and think about her happiness and how she measures her own success.
is this settling down? is this all that's left in your dating pool? just accepting that someone will eventually love you, and you have to stop being picky about who "makes" you a wife?
you look down to your hand, clutching the knife.
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Breaking news!
[DP x DC fic]
[Love at first… murder? - part 19]
<< Prev | Next >>
Part 1
Ao3
---
In-chat nicknames:
WhyDoesClarkCallYouBabyGirl = Bruce
Discowing = Dick
BloodSon = Damian
TheHotOne = Steph
TheCuteOne = Cass
Omnipotent = Babs
Flashlight = Duke
Sherlock = Tim
---
“Good evening, Gotham City. Breaking news!
“The Gotham City Police Department has had a shocking breakthrough in the case of the mysterious disappearance of the notorious criminal mastermind, the Joker, after his escape from Arkham Asylum.
“The GCPD has gotten a tip, provided by an anonymous source, that confirms the Joker is… dead. You heard that right, folks. The Joker is dead!
“The photo on screen right now was anonymously sent out to the GCPD. It appears to be a zoomed-in picture of the Joker’s lifeless body, with another person whose identity is currently unknown being cut off.
“Now we can’t show you the entire image due to its graphic nature, but I assure you, the details are unmistakable. It’s him.
“After years of terrorizing our city, it seems we might finally be rid of this menace for good. It’s a moment many in Gotham never thought they'd ever see. Already, some are calling it a cause for celebration, a long-overdue end to the madness.
“One can only hope his reign of terror over the citizens of Gotham is finally gone for good. This could be the dawn of a new era for Gotham.
“Though the identity of the other person in the picture and the cause of death are still unknown, the people at the GCPD are working their hardest to uncover these mysteries. Stay tuned for more updates as we learn more about this shocking development.
“Until then, stay safe, Gotham. We may just have something to celebrate tonight!”
The camera cuts away, the headline “Joker Confirmed Dead” scrolling across the bottom of the screen.
---
5 days since the Joker DIED
TheHotOne: *picture*
TheHotOne: who did it??!!
TheHotOne: tim, ws it oyu?
TheHotOne: dick?! >:(
TheHotOne: babs???
TheHotOne: whoevre it wad bettr fess up!!!
TheHotOne: tping the manr….
TheHotOne: without me????!!!!
TheHotOne: this is betrayel og the highrdt irder
Discowing: Wasn’t me, Steph! 🥺 I swear 🙆♂️
TheHotOne: u swer on ur discowing suit? >:((
Discowing: Yes 😟
Sherlock: wasn’t me
TheHotOne: hmmmm, fair
TheHotOne: u probaby wuldve taken the credit for it if it were u >:/
Omnipotent: Why don’t you ask Cass and Alfred, Steph? I’m sure they would be of much more use to you when figuring out this mystery ☺️
TheHotOne: !!!!
TheHotOne: cass?! (:0
TheHotOne: was it you?!?!?!?!?
TheHotOne: how cud yu?!?!?!?!? /(;o;)/
TheCuteOne: Not me.
TheCuteOne: Jason and brother-in-law.
TheHotOne: brother-in-law??!? o.O
Discowing: Brother-in-law?! 😱
TheCuteOne: What Jason said to call him.
BloodSon: Todd and his beloved are moving too quickly. This is extremely suspicious. We should not rule out the possibility of mild control or other enchantments.
BloodSon: It would hardly be surprising if Todd’s mind has been overtaken. I don’t suppose it would be too difficult. After all, Todd is rather simple-minded.
Flashlight: Despite the insults, I feel like Damian might have a point
Flashlight: This all seems to go pretty fast, are we sure Jason isn’t being mind-controlled or being taken advantage of somehow??
WhyDoesClarkCallYouBabyGirl: That is a very likely possibility we should not rule out. Oracle, how are the investigations into the suspect going?
WhyDoesClarkCallYouBabyGirl: And can my name be changed back now?
Omnipotent: I’ve gotten some basic information that I’ve already compiled into a new file and sent to the bat computer, but nothing of note yet. Most of it seems to be hidden behind a firewall that I’ve been trying to break through but it’s been slow going so far
Omnipotent: And for the chat name to be unlocked and changed you will have to get Jason to no longer be pissed off at you 🫤
Omnipotent: So I would get used to the name if I were you, B
WhyDoesClarkCallYouBabyGirl: And the investigation into the Joker’s murder and who leaked the picture?
Omnipotent: More dead-ends, though the edited picture seems to have been spread around from Harley Quinn, who got it from Jason, to some of her associates. However, it is unclear who exactly shared it with the GCPD
Omnipotent: Jason seems to be the key component to all of this, so you’ll have to get him to spill the beans if we want to get any more info on the case
Sherlock: *link*
Flashlight: What is that?
Sherlock: petition to make the day we were freed of the joker into a regional holiday
WhyDoesClarkCallYouBabyGirl: Red Robin, take that down. We will not celebrate the death of a person.
TheHotOne: signed
Flashlight: Signed
TheCuteOne: 👍
Discowing: Signed 😊
---
“I never thought I’d find another halfa!” Danny beams at Jason.
“I thought there were only 4 of us, y’know? And Clockwork never mentioned or implied anything on the contrary. I never thought there’d be another one of us, especially not seeing as you’re not from Amity, nor do you have any connection with my parents as far as I’m aware.
“How’d it even happen? I didn’t think there were any more artificial portals around other than ours and Vlad’s. Was it a natural portal? Or are there more ectobiologists out there trying to create a rift into the Realms?
“Wait, no, sorry, you don’t have to answer that. Stupid Danny. Forget I asked that. It’s too early for us to exchange death stories.
“Though, are you a halfa? You do feel a bit different. The ecto in you is more muted. And it’s strange that I didn’t sense it before, now that I think about it. But we can discuss that later. I’m so glad we’re the same, this is great news! It makes everything so much easier!
“I thought I was gonna have to keep my undeadness a secret from you for a little while before trying to gently break it to you and hoping you wouldn’t run away screaming, or have me sent to a psychiatrist again.
“Last time was so not fun and I can still remember Jazz’s unimpressed eyebrow raise as she saw I was her new patient clearly. But hey, th—"
“What is happening to me?” Jason’s trembling voice cuts off Danny’s excited rambling.
Danny immediately stops talking and looks back over at Jason. His eyes are still glowing ecto-green, the glow seemingly stuttering like he’s at war with himself over something. Jason is looking right back at Danny as well, his face stony though he almost seems like he’s trying to hold back tears.
But what stills Danny completely is the slightly shaking gun pointed right at his head.
---
Taglist:
@i-always-say-yea @uraniumwizard @why-must-i-be-like-this @griffinthing @i23432i @imsotiredfanficlovertm @jaguarthecat @arkita-shadow @ilydana @jaitwin5 @apple-juice16 @mossy-bonez
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bruh i need to vent about a rude comment i got on my recent chap and also about clora, cuz its something thats been on my mind for a while now. it has spoilers to my most recent chap tho so im putting it below
so in my most recent chap clora gets hit by the killing curse but thanks to seb sacrificing himself for her, it doesn’t work/she survives. and I got a rly rude comment about how that’s super cringe and that clora is a "shoe horning of every possible manifestation of Mary-Sueism I have ever seen." theyre dropping my fic after almost 500k words bc apparently THAT’S where they draw the line and that "just somehow pulling it out the bag and surviving a killing curse from the power of love. In simpler terms, it’s absolutely cringe worthy" and "forgive me if I rolled an eye at the yet again invincible nature of Clora Clemons-the-one-eighth-Veela-extraordinaire"
BUT LIKE LMAO TELL ME U DIDN’T READ/WATCH HARRY POTTER WITHOUT TELLING ME. that’s literally what happens to harry??but its only cringe when it happens to our "mary-sue" clora? like yeah sure love magic might be a bit cringe but IM LITERALLY JUST PULLING FROM THE SOURCE MATERIAL. of all the things to take issue with in my fic and interpretations, theyre taking issue with something that’s canon BAHAHA.
and since im on the topic of clora being mary sue can I just say I hate the misogyny/internalized misogyny that i've seen some people (NOT A LOT, THANKFULLY) treat her with. like i get it, im not pale and blonde and as conventionally pretty as clora is, but even if I was, is that a reason to hate me?? and does being beautiful and well-liked = mary sue? bc as far as I know, mary sue is a chara who is just naturally amazing at everything and doesnt need to try hard and theyre just inexplicably great for no reason (like mc in the base game BAHHAA)
if anything the mary sue in MY fic is seb LMAO (but hes a boy so its ok). like clora has worked hard and studied magic all her life due to being a squib and wanting to make up for not being able to DO it. she isnt good at flying, seb is still better at her than duelling, shes really short sighted when it comes to doing/thinking whats best for others and can be a huge idiot.... and like. the only guys that have even shown interest in clora on a real scale have been seb and leander (and then lawley for blackmail purposes, and also bc he hates seb) so its not like literally everyone is falling over themselves for her?? like her interactions with the main cast of boys (ominis, garreth, amit) theyre all indifferent to her LMAO but still, the fact that shes pretty and guys here and there might look at her and go o shes cute! doesnt make her a mary sue SORRy thats just called being attractive
idk its just annoying that ppl automatically see a nice kind beautiful female character without any VISIBLE flaws and go SHES TOO PERFECT!! MARY SUE!! WAH IM JEALOUS! and like I get it bc when I was younger I probs would have been annoyed by clora as well due to my own insecurities and internalized misogyny but hey, how about u just realize that’s ur own problem and your own jealousy, and not a real one HAHAH
anyway ive since evolved bc I used to be a ‘not like other girls’ type girl back in highschool. trying to be super tomboy-y bc I thought being feminine was cringe and too basic but now ive embraced it and love girly things and dresses and charas like clora who are still strong and showcase their strengths and weaknesses in subtler ways, and I want to smooch her and make out with her. get behind me clora ill protect you🤺🤺🤺
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