#i need 2 leave twitter forever for my own good and stay here where there r only multi choco and 10hr exist | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

pndnj · 4 years ago

Text

Cathartic- Yellow Metal Lyrics

Heres where I am with the lyrics, I referenced @25Goldenn on twitter for some of it that I couldn’t comprehend.

*music*

0:23

Dark matter, like painted splatters, they fit better, the old saying, the way it goes, better the devil you do then you don’t know. I hit pedals and switch levers, my heart metal, I can't settle, im part trouble, they are not subtle. I fuck good so fuck cuddles, burst bubbles the thrist levels at new heights, i down doubles, and got baked til I felt high, my face puzzled, felt muddled, far strung and your floors woodent, the thought might but the fit wouldn’t. A fortnight

0:46 - 1:00

And I thought right, it’s all bark and no bite, I’m Tony Stark still embarking on a dream, took a bit of time to take darkness from the team. Seen what I saw. Heartless on the sleeve. Tried to burn my wings, so I put them in a piece on my chest , at peace no rest.

1:00-1:15

Flipped this on it’s head. Rip the script up now, flip it don’t pretend, slipping shit again, Fakers all around me, I’ve been living in pretense. Fake friends won’t make amends. There’s no need, these mean comments control the scenes. Attentionseekers, the spine is weakened

1:15-1:24

This family needs, what a family needs, and the planet bleeds, the damaged trees. It’s never leaving til we ascend so fuck the fence, and until they stop killing colour it’s fuck the feds.

1:22 - 1:44

You must be off it, I mean it, you know you ain’t never get with the judging and I used to dread growing my beard too long, never felt I belonged, but it's really long like a minute I ain’t looking to no mans for the limits, They’re feeling timid, I’m telling them who they mimic, why they don't look like a clinic …. Why they don't get no women, Still, we’re just fucking girls, Lost in the wrong world, Jurassic, now to this vermin

1:41- 1: 50

Kicking the game I’m serving, these losers are never learning, my fire is forever burning, adding it to my fuel, seems like I’m always focused on never becoming you, These locals that rob us feeling … was for a reason.

1:52-2:02

I’m seeing my new beginnings, watch out this loser’s winning, and no water is too deep to swim in Like I’m about to see a killing, I’m all the way that and living, flawless and feeling lawless, the prison now to the gimmicks, my vision is set to something,

2:03-:2:20

I’m watching you bitches plummet, no matches here for my cunning, you rappers are feeling done in, switching your genre, running and Running your jaw, stunting, pulling at straws, something I think you’re a poor effort, deaf and tone deaf and I ain’t treat you separate. Living, I’m in my element, riding it like a … never lose me to fentanyl, scared when I take a benadryl. Keeping it green in general

2:20- 2:46

Think that you remain irrelevant. Look at yourself with reverence, hoping to always elevate. Celibate of these thoughts, killing themselves with sedatives. In comparison to eminem, you’re feeling feminine. Impolitically correct, still dropping on my dick. And I never gave a fuck about what they say abt my shit, I’ve been moving things in my mind like it’s this mountain dew Memories have made me wonder if one day I’m after you. What’s the purpose that you do, is what you're hoping that they learn, i’d like to say i’m done but it’s getting up on my nerves

2:46 -2:55

I’m looking at my life, saying what do I deserve. It’s hard to say I know when I’m walking through the dirt. Talking while you’re nothing I can see for what it’s worth. I’m tired of feeling hurt and I’ve tried enough but nothing works.

2:55-3:40

I’m racking up excuses while I’m slacking off on work. Chit chatting is the usual, talking to this clerk, i beg you don’t include me. I might write it on my shirt so everytime they see me, the oldest know to swerve. SWERVE Life is potent, bits of fucked shit… till they took notice weren’t no hocus pocus, it was hard work that got me heard so i put in the graph like google maps but the whole earth

… around my door mat, taking over like the drones, rolling dirt up in miles like the water, and exploding like Annas hematoma. Don't need to see a slammer to know that I don't want to go man

I’m a showman. I’m just focused on the drama… like i’ve got my own insurance, show myself the pain, like i boxed it in the frame, if we’re about to talk greatness im great, the way you have to say my name like beyonce

“Say my name”

4:00-4:46

Just a bum with a cigarette, sun coming up, all my thoughts on the internet. Feeling deep, I’m just bored with the silhouette single sec, get fucked up for the thrill of it . killer streak playing Pacman. Like I came from the Philippines vanilla bean still a thing for the thrill of scene,

Theres a beam, UFO, Leave it well alone I aint moving, stood still on the peloton, telephone and its always on the dial tone, it's been a while since i’ve smiled at a milestone, seen a big pile in my mind stone, me against the world on my Jack Jones, Like I’m John Jones, With pictures in the condo, far from John Doe, in the ___, like I'm Johnny Bravo, got pravado, with a small dick sitting in golados, feeling far gone, cuz that last hit was the good shit, was that stay lit

4:48-5:02

You can never take my shit come and get me. On the top floor, cloud 9, fading, never bailing, felt amazing, inhaling, til my lungs two guns blazing. Overcome all the stunts that I pulled. A suit of just skin and then wool

5:02- 5:17

This life doesn’t give you no armour, a lot of myself can harm ya. I swear on what’s good, that I’m here till they take me. I pray that I’m wrinkled, at least over 80, and start moving like a ruler, ?damaged? Like a computer going fast, bars from the jeweler, bring the songs to the beach in hopes of finding tuna

5:18-5:36

…

5:36- 6:16

Grab a bat, lose my rag. Couple things got me mad, a couple people got me wrong and now I’m changing up the swag. Coming in and stealing it, I might take the whole bag. Feeling undefeated, I’m a beast with a reason, and imma lead the whole pack. Fearless like I’m Caesar, I’m just waiting for a chance to fill it up with diesel, and all I've been achieving is clocking miles in its region, moving like a legion.

Promise that I made to myself an allegiance. Do you still believe I’m a fool for ever leaving, staring at the ceiling, can never put a cap on achieving. I’m just here for the rap, then I’m leaving.

I’ve had about enough of being my own enemy, it’s time I grew up, a long way from 17. Always went against the grain, struggles in my life. Got some things to say when I stand up on a mike.

6:16-6:32

I ain’t dropping this for fame, I need this time, like therapy, it’s just to keep me sane. The truth is on my medicine, can’t put that on your plate.

Speeding into everything, bout time I fixed the brakes. Don’t say I can’t communicate , you know I conversate with you in several different ways. And I know you know it’s references, looking at your face.

6:33- 6:53

Can’t justify mistakes, like every man that made them, seems I ain't the one to blame. Lying to myself, only had so much to gain, so now I’m switching up the plate, see if that affects the place, im at on most days

I ain’t going with the usual so they looking at me strange. Confused, I can feel it all, I’m here to make a change. It’s cold at 3am outside, I’m walking with the dog, thanking god that you don’t talk at all, my mind is switching off

6:54-7:12

Driving down to find myself, cuz I’ve been getting lost, lived this selfless life and found I can give a toss. Lessons that I’ve learned I’ve tried teaching to myself. What I’ve learnt from certain people is that they’re better than myself.

So I surround myself with real ones, and you feel the plastic melt. Like burning toy soldiers that used to go up on the shelf. Recycle the ideas, conveying on the belt

7:14-7:29

.. circus, always hurting the way we felt? Embarrassed that we dreamt of bigger things and letting go of notions till we feel them in cement

Tired of only hoping, we feel broken men. Cuz the gravity is weight and has kept us to the ground, see the only people speaking with favors in their mouths

7:46-7:58

Got killer rhymes… no fillers, like godzilla, eating clouds cuz my smokes thicker, throat licker, my dope sicker, bringing people their hope like im the pope slicker, i hope you’re getting the point cuz i walk quicker

I thought my city was shit bcs I want bigger like my zipper couldn’t zip up fed up with the…my love is fickle.. Residual age has a primitive face

I see demise for your limited ways, Left it to simmer, simmer away…a fake glimmer in the haze

8:09-8:11

Feeling trapped this industry is a cage

8:34-8:50

Nobody’s speaking the truth, I’m offended by the State. Look at the state of the news, I’ve decided the argument, reciting my views, while they’ve been sat in their chairs, I’m feeling pressure to choose.

Standing here as one man, how can I do half when you’re half the person I am. If it wasn’t in your life, you didn’t choose it. It’s the funny thing about music. It’s the pain and beauty of it.

8:52-9:11

Don’t give a fuck what my suit is, it looks good so I wear it, better than the shoot that People’s wearing, changing the whole narrative for these basics and scarcity

Been facing the racists from back when i were a kiddie .born up in in 93’. been living in Bradford City..kicked me out of the schools, they had a problem with me hitting the kids that would call me p*** still sitting in the classroom chilling, and i'm angry now that I’m older I see they treat us different

9:12-9:25

got me thinking I’m the problem cuz they never dealt with those issues.

20 years later I’m still in the same boat, tryna treat me like my grandpa, say I came up off the boat. Came to tell you what I stand for, man I think you’re shit, a joke. How can I be civil, when they got me by the throat

9:25-9:35

Pushing my feelings down, you ain’t got it like them

‘Boy your skin is so light’, ok motherfucker take my name up on a flight. Try to convince immigration that your bloodline’s half white.

9:35-9:45

I don’t know how that’s acceptable, when life is more susceptible to perception, be the death of them. I’ve been looking at the sky saying where’s that day of reckoning, you had your prophets right when they say that you would speak to them.

9:45-9:55

I need justice in this life and I trust that it’s my fight, cuz when I’m writing it feels right to have them focused on the facts again. Focused on the rap again, hoping for the change, gunna put this on the map again

9:55-10:16

Writing in all caps again, the pain, it goes through me so I write the letter. All the shit that could have brought me but made me better.

I’m at home with a pain in my soul , yeh rap… cuz you know I was too real to contest it, my time was invested. Now I look at the industry, I see it infested, looking like kids who would write on nesquik.

10:17-10:29

My name ain’t on the list unless they label it ethnic.

I ain’t never gave a fuck about these jokers and jesters. Ain’t no answers for these things, so just save us the questions, man allowed of violence, cuz my silence is deafening, your opinion stinks, somebody get him a breath mint.

10:30- 10:42

Start to understand why they think that I’m threatening, I move in certain ways, couldn’t slow me with ketamine Now they all wanna hear me, got a table at letterman. Direction changed, like I changed up the lettering. Don’t believe the age ,bcs I move like a veteran.

10:42 - 10:47

Raised on the benefit for whose benefit, they’ll never learn shit, man, if the shoe fits.

…no words coming out when you open your mouth

And to be honest, it’s insulting, offensive to my wounds that have been salting. Tryna ask me questions that they know I never answer. I’d rather sit online and reply to the fan art

11:00-11:06

Fuck a sports car, coming through when i rapped

tell you what I like, farm life and the tractor

11:06- 11:17

Fake life, 'sup online, suck a fat one. You don’t wanna buy into that, none of that son. Sitting in the garden 98’ in the Datsun, seen some hot summers but I still remember that sun.

*music*

11:51- 12:34

I make millions off of my pain, cause I know a few millions still living that way

Dealing with the hurt, they should know cause they don’t deserve it, it hit deep cause i hit the nerve. Only way that the sheep learn if the street firm, in my ways I don’t wanna change, everything just stay the same

Who you tryna convince you understand, cant maintain, let the lights dim some, get the Chow Mein, flex, get the tape, right up at night

Why these men be nice to my face, be nice, i ain’t tryna be a gangsta ruins my vibe

Rather be low-key and on my phone. Never need the trophy or the show piece

Never show peace in a North Face fleece. Show kids this like i wrote my flip

Cause the sign might fit till the start i’m sick

12:37-13:05

Now you see where I come from, the world don’t. Only achievement in this life is the Jordans. Committing petty crimes out of boredom, we can’t afford them. So I stole it, need a rolex

Go make sense, get yourself a job, It’s a poor man’s game tryna sit and pray to god, he ain’t sorting out your problems, gotta sort them out yourself

Used to tell us fables, now I’m writing them myself, Cause we raw like animals we all just need some help

Cathartic, I’m an artist, trying to put my heart in

Felt double crossed like Leo in Departed

13:05- 13:27

For the knowledge i’m not charging see I got it all free

But my hunger kept me starving like i’m feening for the feed

I just Need a reason to see me bleeding for my creed. Trick you with the words like I keep em up my sleeve. Picking where I fit, I see me sitting with the queen

I ain’t doing it unless you’re used to saying please

Let me flow a bit, before I sting 'em with the bees, They tryna kill us with disease

(Music)

13:34- 14:12

Why does it feel like they had the same notebook and the same four looks

Like the rain won't touch on their face, so sus when they lie don’t trust not a minor

Please no fuss, I just move through the game like must

Something in the way i adjust till i stick, Free falling like the ship, free fall till i bust

Remember 21 brother gave no fucks. Trying to project when they give them looks

In the projects, in the objects us

In my own way, never gave me love, shoulda never started this, broken hearted kid

Dried up the feeling till I stole the lid

Don’t wanna relish in the fame but I can’t resist

14:46-14:58

I like the way we feel, I like the way, I like the way

Ain’t no mistake, i am a being

I ain’t tryna be a leader, been selling out since Jesus

All my rhymes are for the readers, between the lines, like Father time, I fuck Mother Nature

14:58-15:40

That’s what they get, the connotations. Tell 'em I lived a life, and then I lived a life of adjacent? like its…. and played it patient.

Alone on my own spaceship, always tryna find greatness, still defying lines, but I’m fighting in my prime.

Shining light like Kylo while imma kill it all the time. Aging like I’m wine

Asian in my face, but still my race you can’t define. Focused on defiance, imma fight it while it’s life.

Started something sick and on my mind is what’s next, just became a dad so now I’m taking all the cheques. Better know I’m staying and paying like it’s debt. Imma get it done, if it’s taking all my breath, sweat, and down I ain’t messing around til I’m the best

Speaking in full sentences, shoulda thought about a strategy before you went at the stratosphere about this… rings around Saturn, this ain’t a battle, I’m sat, I’m here

15:40-16:22

Catch me doing magic, hired and sounding tragic I think you could use practice and until that you get the blacklist and pull like a … actress? Fooling them like a catfish, schooling like a legend, happy to be the reference, fusing like iridescence, leaving them all guessing, leaking out of my brain like a pipe I aint fixing, shining like a star you can see it from a distance

Aint many of me around p*** I’m just different Certain stages to this level aint here because fame is to the devil fuck a label, imma do this from the ghetto, clean up like Im Dettol

I’m the man to put a bet on, sight smart like a weapon, this is my kind of setting, i write the world I’m sat in, while these others live on hype, i see them fight in how they type, the fruit is ripe for the taking, i think i might

16:22-16:57

Let me take you away from here, Let me take you away from here, Let me take you away from here

16:58- 17:47

Eccentric things are mentioned like a kid stuck in detention tryna escape im just spitting what is written on the next page, spitting image of my dad in his young days

Born sinner when i’m livid i say fucks sake

Don’t worry i’m too cunning with no plumbing, the waterworks, i sung something that resonates, i thought it first like giving birth to the parrot perch

They see me do it and they know it works

Don’t know what’s worse: the way that you live your life or the way that you write a verse

You’ll be nervous, you don’t deserve it we’ll scratch the surface ill leave a crater, lift the dirt up to find the hurting

Can’t know for certain nothing is guaranteed, tryna be a better person than the world deserves to see cuz i see a lot of sharks still swimming in the sea

Cease and arrest what’s the reason.. And these the kinda kids we bringing up next

Distorted reality, all they needed was family, too hard to face, to see what the damage is

17:47

*i don’t wanna be, i don’t wanna be, a part of this, no, i don’t wanna be, i don’t wanna be, a part of this, *

18:04-18:38

Sometimes they ask the questions too deep to form a sentence, to disform, is this the norm, is this the sentence i feel defenseless i played the setlist, and all my sweat blood and tears, forgot to mention feeling lost, going off into different sections i feel like love wrecked it

If it’s not a drug why am i waiting for the next fix, affected, i cant believe that you left this

I guess I leave for the best wish, moving on like im fine for the lectures

We see it all from spectrums, cuz if we’re falling down we can fall down together

Staircase to heaven, mirror down the middle like 11, resentment on one side it won’t settle

18:38- 19:14

Mind fried but taking sense, they aint got a sense of themselves in the rich ends

Need to spell it out for them.. Made for them so witness

I know you feel afflicted but you always love it with me while im laughing at you, ya think you’re laughing with me

I try to (i love you) but im grown so they don’t fit me, my body thrown from the new to this old city so Im sick of sitting on my own, feeling so shitty, i’ve been on roads where its cold and the snow hitting

Its okay to be yourself, sit and talking to myself

I’ve been walking for the longest, just need a little rest, know i ain’t the strongest, I can feel it in my chest, talking about my feelings and of me, they get the best

19:14-19:59

They aint leaving, seeing breathing in my breath

Till death do us part is just seeded in my heart, like a work of art

Never winning,im just scared

Cant begin from the start, do i play a part in the rhythm of the night

I guess i’m onto something cuz the dark is feeling right

Every cloud got a lining, put my own miles in, like moralis, figured that they’re jealous, that they could just never tell us to change because the weather never made me question whether or not i’m not that level

Got rid of all the bullshit sitting in my way, most of them are full of shit i see it every day

I do hearing the same things that i do, maybe that shits hitting like haiku

How much do you pay for them to hype you

Recycle your flaws but they aint like new, leaving and conceded and full of diesel like engines that need a cleaning, the ending will be revealing. Even though we ain’t raising the facts, now we been facing.

20:01-20:52

The cactus with spikes, needing spaces. Different faces, the same story. A full body like straight body direct to your system.

Could never tell 'em we missed’ em. Not even with the thoughts, we gift them. Cuz they just take advantage, guess we are caught in a system.

My soul pouring out details of borrowed time, had enough of a fill, this is for sorrow time. I’m seeing visions of Heaven, I seen the severed line, between the gospel they speak and when theyre telling lies.

Remember telling a friend of mine, you’d sent of mine, identified like a 3rd eye. Got a habit of knowing now where the dirt lies. So benign. I ain’t sober after 9, so I fuck their minds. Why you flipping out, see another

Try to rep it from the city, fuck a chiller crew, repping for the nittys, trying to keep us down, raised on the social, don’t want to let us out of the system. Me, I insist we assist them, me alone putting shifts til I lift them

20:53-21:12

I know it’s hard, that’s why I like it, I’m fit to fight it, I’m from the North, I’m backing Tyson, it’s been decided, don’t see no light. They needing guiding, just redefining, realizing, I’m realigning, in full finance, they stay silenced.

Can’t be louder, I’m juiced up with no powder. I fix shit like a slick spanner. Gone green like Bruce Banner. So free Gaza on my banner

21:12-21:51

The real McCoy, I ain’t nothing to toy with, signifying peace like a Japanese Koi Fish. How did this happen, we’re moving backwards in our timeline, killing us with cyanide, Right up for the freedom 'til we transform like Ironhide

This is bout my feelings, the way that I move affects the fate that I’m sealing. Can’t say nothing, with that something being on the page, kept inside the pen like the bars that have been kept caged. See I always had a plan, since I was young, we had nothing man

Now it’s been a few years since I ain’t seen the fam, on foreign lands. Bout to climb Everest in the avalanche. Right into the riddles as soon as you were born. Never asking the question cuz it’s the norm. See I’m in a questionin’ session

21:52-22:03

Like the manner got a method to teaching a lesson, listen to MF Doom, he taught me like Ra’s Al Ghul. Felt like living in Gotham, the people were rotten. Still we play cartoons so it’s never forgotten.

22:03-22:15

Chilling at the top but we came from the bottom. Writing and jottin for them life by, spotting the difference

*Dreams, was growing out of me, sun promising that tomorrow it will rise, time playing games with my mind, I swear it will pass us by

Train goes on the tracks, smoke, I’m tired to hide my thoughts, so blinded in flames, Don’t know where we’re going, I have no way of knowing, only see what’s in my head

Can’t we wait a minute, so we can savour this, It’s on my brain again, these days, It on my brain again these days”

23:10-23:46

They’re hating on Palestine ways, The oh no Palace playing Prince on the Steinway, Sending out mind waves, stop them like crimewaves, Freedom fighter, Yellow Metal is my name

Like vipers, I see the sly ones, the snake that’s called Biden, none of them abiding what they might put in writing

We should be used to it by now, say whatever for the vote and then just choose another route, say they’d never kill another unless that brother’s skin is brown

I’m just telling you the facts, if you can’t take it, the truth naked, to bare bones and my thoughts lately, spitting politics.. Done ain’t it, Shit just gets me vexed, and now I’m sitting that I think of it

23:45-23:59

Feeling on the brink of it, whatever it is, Figure out some shit at least it feels that way

talk about my feelings and I don’t feel so strange, finding solace, that’s a promise, in Metropolis but being honest, can’t write a sonnet, without some pain

24:00-24:40

Can’t fade away, away so we can savour this, been on my brain again these days

Can't find a way to be so you can savour this, been on my brain these days

Singing the song for another, singing a song for another

#zayn #yellowmetal #cathartic #feel free to correct me pls #cathartic lyrics

117 notes · View notes

sarcasmandships · 4 years ago

Text

how to save a life part 2︱spencer reid

word count: 8.7k

spencer reid x slight oc

spencer and veronica argue over him keeping their relationship from the team, but when spencer sustains a life-threatening gun shot wound it puts everything into perspective

angst + hurt/comfort with a n eventual happy ending

this is not an x reader because i hate writing y/n in place of a character name and it often forces you into writing in second person which i also hate - however I have avoided giving specific descriptions of hair/eye/skin colour, height and body shape so feel free to imagine it like an x reader

this is also heavily inspired by greys anatomy and ive taken characters from the show to be side characters, however you do not need to have watched a single episode of greys to follow the story

warnings: spencer being shot, descriptions of blood, descriptions of surgery

read part one here!

Veronica readjusted her dress for what felt like the 100th time that evening. The green, silk bodice was too restrictive; her feet ached from the stiletto heels April had picked out for her. She grabbed another glass of champagne from a passing waiter.

"That is for the guests!" April hissed, smacking her arm with her tiny clutch bag.

"And the hostages," Veronica said, raising her glass to an imaginary toast.

"Amen to that," Cristina agreed, taking a long sip of champagne from her own glass.

"You two are hopeless," April said, shaking her head before storming off.

"I like angry Kepner," Cristina chuckled.

"God, I can't breathe in this thing," Veronica gasped, pulling at the top of her dress again, "I think I've got a tension pneumothorax."

"Unfortunately, if I had a needle big enough to help you, I'd have stabbed myself in the eye hours ago," Cristina said, deadpan.

Veronica gave her a shaky laugh.

"Ooo, is that Kevin Gibbs?" Cristina said, suddenly filled with a burst of newfound energy as she spied a man at the next table, "oh, he is rich rich, I'm so getting a donation from him," she grinned before dashing off to take Kevin Gibbs' arm.

Veronica rolled her eyes as she watched Cristina twirl her hair and flutter her eyelashes; she was far too good at this. Veronica was left alone at the table, tired of pretending she was interested in anything these rich, old men had to say; she pulled her phone out to scroll through Twitter.

However, as she unlocked it, Spencer's name popped up on her screen, and her shrill ringtone cut through the low-level chatter and ambient music in the room. She hastily switched the phone to silent after receiving a few pointed glares but continued to stare blankly at the screen as it rang.

She did not want to speak to him.

But she had told him to keep in touch.

Via text, not a phone call.

But what if something was wrong.

Eventually, she clicked 'accept'.

"Spencer, I told you-"

"Hi, Veronica," the voice on the other end cracked, "it's Derek Morgan. We met earlier today..."

Veronica's blood ran cold as Derek spoke to her through the phone. She could hear the piercing wail of the sirens; it harmonised with Cristina's shrill laughter as she flirted with Kevin at the next table.

Blood was pounding in her ears. Her entire body was in free fall like she was being hurled down the drop of a rollercoaster that seemed to never end.

"... they're taking him to Stafford Grace Mercy West Hospital, meet us there when you can - I gotta go."

Derek hung up the phone.

Veronica stood frozen, her body trembling and mind spinning.

"Veronica!" Jackson snapped as he strutted towards her, "you're supposed to be getting donations, not standing in a corner drinking all the champagne…."

Veronica was staring straight at Jackson's face as he ranted, but she couldn't focus her eyes enough to see his furrowed brows or flared nostrils. Her mind was spinning at hyper speed, but everything around her moved in slow motion; she gripped onto the edge of the table.

"…are you even listening to me?" he snapped his fingers in front of Veronica's glazed eyes.

"Spencer was shot. In the chest, he's on the way to the hospital now," she said in a monotone, "I have to...I have to go...I..." Veronica clutched her head in her hands; the room would not stop spinning.

"Oh my god," Jackson gulped, "of course, go, go. Do you want me to come?"

Veronica stumbled away from him and towards the door. Why was the floor moving like that?

"No," she called back to him, "this is your event you can't leave, I just- I need to go," she turned on her heel and dashed out of the door.

The hospital was just up the street. Jackson had picked a venue close by so the doctors who didn't have the day off could get there quickly after work. Veronica pushed people out of the way as she staggered up the street; her feet didn't hurt anymore. Her whole body was just pins and needles.

She burst through the doors of the ER, in her floor-length, green dress and dazzling emerald necklace, with tears streaming down her face. Sections of her neatly pinned hair had broken free; she clutched her chest as she gasped for air. It was only a matter of time before someone called for a psychiatric consult.

With most of the other attendings at the gala, the interns and residents had swarmed like locusts to get their hands on a surgical case. Veronica pushed through the sea people, looking for someone she knew – why did all the residents look the same?

Veronica scanned the trauma rooms, hoping to catch sight of his messy hair. They were full of bloodied and beaten-up people, but none of them were Spencer. She had just stumbled through the double doors to the waiting area when she heard someone call her name.

"Veronica?"

She whipped her head around to see Derek Morgan standing in front of her. Several steps behind him, she noticed Penelope Garcia, who she recognised from this morning, and several other anxious FBI agents.

"Derek," she gasped, gripping onto his outreached hands, allowing herself to stabilise slightly, "w-what happened?"

"We were chasing down the unsub and Reid...he fell and just when he was getting back up, he got hit. It was bad luck. It caught him just above his vest."

"And he's in surgery now? I didn't see him in any of the trauma rooms?"

"They just took him up; come with us. You need to sit down," he said kindly, and Veronica allowed him to guide her over to the seats.

"Hi again," Garcia squeaked, but Veronica stared straight ahead and didn't answer her.

The others tried to introduce themselves, Aaron Hotchner, Emily Prentiss, Jennifer Jareau, David Rossi. They were names she knew well from Spencer's last night rants about work, but she couldn't bring herself to look at any of them long enough to put a face to the name. Derek was trying to reassure her when Veronica caught sight of a familiar resident walking past with a tablet in her hand.

"Murphy!" she barked, "get over here."

Murphy's head snapped up, and she looked around rapidly to see where the voice had come from; when her eyes finally landed on Veronica, she looked at her quizzically but shuffled over.

"Dr Grey, I thought you were at the gala-"

"I need you to look up a patient for me, Spencer Reid - came in with a GSW to the chest and should be in surgery now."

"Dr Grey, what's going on?" Murphy said slowly, her eyes darting between Veronica and the team of agents behind her.

"Just do it, Murphy!" she ordered, and Spencer's teammates looked slightly taken aback.

"Okay, okay!" she said, typing rapidly on her tablet, "he's in surgery with Dr Hunt and Dr Altman for an exploratory thoracotomy...chest x-ray showed a GSW to the chest with the bullet lodged near the thoracic aorta...he was tachycardic and hypotensive when he came in, with substantial blood loss-"

Bile bubbled up in her throat, "what OR are they in?"

"Dr Grey, I can't-"

"What O.R, Murphy?" she snapped; she gripped the edge of the plastic chair to prevent herself from strangling the resident.

"OR one!"

"Okay... OR one. OR one has a gallery," Veronica mumbled to herself, she tapped her foot against the floor and her stiletto clacked against the linoleum.

"Dr Grey, you know you can't go up there when you aren't working-"

"Murphy, do you want a medical career?"

"Y-yes," she stammered.

"Then you'll get out of my way before I have the AMA strip your medical license," Veronica snapped; she stood up and gathered up the skirt of her dress as she began to power walk towards the elevator.

"Wait, where are you going?" Derek called after her.

"Spencer's in OR one, that OR has a viewing gallery... I'm going to watch his surgery," she said flatly before turning away and continuing along the hallway.

It wasn't until she was in the elevator and ready to push the OR floor button that she realised that Spencer's team was directly behind her.

"What are you guys doing?" she sighed as they piled into the elevator after her.

"He's one of us. We aren't gonna hang around a waiting room if we can be there with him," the blonde woman that Veronica thought was called Jennifer, retorted.

She was ready to argue. To protest that they weren't allowed in the gallery, that surgery wasn't for the faint-hearted. But then she looked at all their faces, desperate and distressed; they looked how she felt.

So, she closed her mouth and jabbed the button for the fifth floor.

The elevator seemed to take forever to reach the fifth floor. It stopped on three, and a huddle of surgical interns tried to cram in, but Veronica snapped at them before they had the chance.

"No. You get the next one," she glowered at them, and they could only give her nervous stammers and shaky head nods in response.

Veronica rolled her eyes at them as the doors crept shut again, with her arms folded tightly across her chest and tapped her foot against the floor.

"You seem to have a lot of authority here," Hotch commented.

"I'm an attending," she said bluntly, "they're interns - bottom of the surgical food chain, their only job is to stay out of our way and try not to kill anyone."

"That seems...harsh," Garcia whispered to Derek.

Veronica whipped her head around, "a hospital like this doesn't work without a hierarchy; it's how we learn. If we don't treat them that way, then they get too confident. Would you rather have an intern perform Spencer's exploratory thoracotomy or two surgeons with years of experience who are chiefs of their respective departments?"

Garcia gaped at her, but the elevator doors creaked open, saving her from trying to respond to Veronica's scathing comment.

"The gallery is this way," Veronica grunted under her breath as she exited the elevator and crept up a short flight of stairs.

"That wasn't very nice; Garcia was only making an observation," JJ whispered to Emily as they followed Veronica.

"Who is this woman?" Emily responded, equally as confused as to why they were following this random woman around a hospital.

Derek turned round to face them, "she's Spencer's girlfriend-"

"Girlfriend!" Emily gasped, "did he ever mention a girlfriend to any of you?" she asked, looking between JJ and Derek.

"No, not once…." JJ frowned.

"He didn't tell me as much as he was forced to, that's why he's been acting so off recently, but I couldn't really get many details from him about her, so don't ask me anything - she's just worried about him like we are, she's on edge too."

Veronica burst into the gallery, which was thankfully empty. She pressed her forehead up against the viewing window and saw Spencer lying on the table. The glass was cool against her forehead, which seemed to somewhat soothe her pounding headache.

Spencer's face was draped, she couldn't see his eyes, but she could see his half of his rib cage. That unsettled her; she wasn't supposed to be able to see into her boyfriend's chest cavity. Veronica clung to the glass as she staggered to the intercom on the wall; she pushed the button that allowed them to hear what was being said in the OR.

"... there's a lot of bleeding here, more suction!" Dr Altman demanded.

"Right away, doctor."

Veronica flicked the switch that allowed her to be heard in the OR, "Owen," she said slowly, and he looked up at her in shock, "I need you to save him."

"Veronica, you're supposed to be at the fundraiser. What are you doing here?"

"Owen, listen to me," she pleaded, her voice cracking, "I need you to save him."

"Well, of course, I'm gonna try and save him, Veronica I don't understand-"

"Oh god," Dr Altman said as she suddenly realised what was happening, "Spencer Reid... he's your Spencer. I met him at Owen and Cristina's wedding; we talked so much about the Mechanical Complications of Acute Myocardial Infarction I thought he was a surgeon too…."

Veronica nodded silently.

Her Spencer.

She couldn't control the sob that wracked her body. She was vaguely aware of Garcia placing a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"Yeah, so I need you to save him," she sniffed, "because if he dies, I will literally go out of my fucking mind, and I won't be much of a neurosurgeon from the psych floor."

"Veronica, you should be up here," Owen said as he forced another clamp into Spencer's chest, "how did you even know where he was?"

"Murphy told me," she said, "but it wasn't her fault, so don't go and yell at her; I told her I'd have her medical licence taken away."

Owen paused, "you can't do that, though."

"She doesn't know that! Please just save him. I need you to save him."

"I-" Dr Altman hesitated, "we'll do everything we can, V, I promise you."

"Thank you, Teddy," she whispered through her tears; she flicked the button off again so they wouldn't be distracted by her sobs.

Veronica collapsed into a chair in the middle of the front row and kicked her heels off. Spencer's team had shuffled into the rows behind her and sat, whispering quietly among themselves and clutching onto each other.

"V-veronica," Garcia finally spoke after around an hour of near silence, "I know you're a different kind of doctor, but what are they doing? I don't understand any of these medical terms. Can you explain it?"

Veronica twisted slowly in her seat to face her, revealing her mascara coated cheeks and puffy eyes. She nodded slowly.

"They're doing a surgery called an exploratory thoracotomy; they're trying to remove all the bullet fragments from his chest cavity. Their main concern is that the bullet hit very close to the thoracic aorta, which is a major vessel that carries blood from the heart to the rest of the body."

"B-but it didn't hit his aorta, so that's good, right?"

"Right, cos' if it had, then he'd have bled out seconds after he was hit," Veronica paused to swallow the vomit creeping up her throat as she imagined Spencer's bloodless body lying in the morgue, "but the impact of the bullet creates shock waves when it enters the body. Considering the proximity to the thoracic aorta, it could weaken it and cause an aortic dissection."

"And that's bad?"

Veronica nodded gravely, "they're almost always fatal, the blood loss becomes too uncontrollable, and even the best surgeons, like Dr Altman and Dr Hunt, can't do anything," she turned back around to face the OR as a fresh set of tears threatened to spill over.

"Oh," was all Garcia could muster up.

"Those doctors, are they really the best?" Emily asked.

Veronica nodded, "Owen, Dr Hunt is head of trauma surgery, and Teddy, Dr Altman, is head of cardiothoracic surgery. They served together in Iraq; they've put soldiers half blown apart by bombs back together, if anyone can save Spencer - it's them," she reassured.

"Good to know..." Emily said in uncertainty, wrapping a comforting arm around JJ, who was silently sobbing into a tissue.

"What you need to understand is that every GSW is different, which is what makes them so difficult to fix, and when a bullet enters the body, it not only tears through structures, but the transfer of kinetic energy can cause damage to nearby tissues, like what I was saying about his thoracic aorta," she explained slowly, "that's why GSWs are so dangerous because the damaged area can ripple out around the entry wound."

"But you think he'll be okay, right?" JJ sniffed.

Veronica hesitated; she glanced back at Spencer's motionless body on the table. Her eyes scanning the monitors he was hooked up to, the constant stream of O neg he was being replenished with, the rip spreaders and clamps in his chest…

She felt sick again and had to turn away.

"I don't know. He hasn't been in surgery very long… it's just too early to say."

"There isn't anything more we can do for him now," Hotch spoke gravely, "he's in the hands of the people who are best trained to help him; we just need to trust that they are doing everything they can to save him."

Hotch's words had a sense of finality, and the room fell close to silent again with only Veronica, Garcia and JJ's sniffles and sobs echoing around the dimly lit room. Derek help Garcia's hand tightly in his own, JJ rested her head on Emily's shoulder, Hotch and Rossi sat next to each other, their faces stoic and stony. Veronica sat alone, tugging at the restrictive bodice of her dress every few seconds.

They sat like that for at least another two hours.

Suddenly, the monitors attached to Spencer began beeping rapidly, Veronica's heart seized, and she jumped to her feet to get a better view.

"What's happening to him?" Garcia whimpered; she clung onto Derek's arm as he also stood up and strained his neck to see.

"He's in DIC!" Teddy's voice echoed through the intercom, "push heparin," she ordered.

"Veronica, what's going on?" Derek asked; he tried to keep his voice steady, but it wavered slightly.

"He's in DIC, disseminated intravascular coagulation - it means that proteins in the blood that cause clotting go into overdrive, which actually causes excessive bleeding. If they don't control the blood loss, it's fatal."

"Lap pads! And more suction! I can't see a thing," Owen demanded as he packed Spencer's chest cavity to absorb the excess blood.

"And hang another unit of O neg, he's losing too much blood," Teddy added, "there was nothing in his medical history that indicated he was at risk of DIC...Veronica! Is he on blood thinners?"

Veronica dragged herself over to the intercom and pushed in on the button, "n-no, nothing like that, he takes zolpidem sometimes, but that wouldn't cause DIC..." she muttered.

Something clicked in her brain, and she spun round to face Derek, "you said he fell before he got shot."

Derek nodded, "that's right, the woman the unsub had abducted pushed past him to escape, and he fell down the full flight of stairs. That distracted me long enough for the unsub to get a shot in at him...."

"Teddy! He fell before he was shot, he fell down a flight of stairs, he could have a splenic injury or a laceration on the portal vein or hepatic artery- it wouldn't have been picked up on a chest x-ray. You have to do an ex-lap!"

"Veronica, we've already cracked his chest-" Owen began to protest.

"Pressures dropping, doctor!"

Veronica banged on the glass, "he'd rather be alive with two incisions than dead with one."

"Dr Hunt, you're the trauma surgeon this your call," Teddy said calmly, "but we need to do something and fast."

"We don't even know if he has a splenic injury! We can't take medical suggestions from our patient's hysterical girlfriend; that isn't how it works-"

"He's dying," Veronica wailed, "and he's going to die if you don't do something. If it were Cristina on my table, you would be begging me to do whatever it takes to save her. Teddy – you promised me you would do everything you could, and you're not doing anything! He's bleeding to death, and you aren't helping him," she sobbed against the glass.

Teddy and Owen exchanged a look.

"10 blade," Owen grimaced, and Veronica breathed a sigh of relief, "you better be right about this Grey – convert drapes for an ex-lap!"

"Oh God, I can't watch this," JJ said; she flopped back into her seat as Owen made a deep incision into Spencer's abdomen.

Despite dealing with horrific crime scenes daily, everyone else in the team had to follow JJ's lead as floods of blood gushed from the incision site. Garcia, who had screwed her eyes shut the minute the monitors started beeping, was rocking herself back and forth and mumbling under her breath.

"Okay, I need more suction! I'm seeing some damage to the hepatic artery," Teddy said, "can you ligate it from your side?"

"Yeah, I think so, clamp!"

Veronica wished she could be like Spencer's team. She wished she didn't have a medical degree; she wished she didn't know every possible thing that could go wrong from this point forward. She wished she could close her eyes or at least tear them away from the scene that would plague her nightmares for years to come.

She could hardly believe it when his pressure finally stabilised; she embraced the smile that crept onto her face as she watched the readings on the monitor slowly begin to climb up.

"You can open your eyes now; they ligated the artery and stopped the bleeding, combined with the heparin that should be enough to keep him stable for now."

"For now?" JJ questioned.

"He's doing well; that injury could've been fatal, but he pulled through, and that's good; it's just that I don't want to tell you he's out of the woods when he's far from it."

"It's been hours," JJ said, "how much longer before we know if he'll be okay?"

Veronica shrugged, "probably a couple more hours; they need to make sure the wall of the thoracic aorta is strong enough before they close and remove all the bullet fragments; they need to take their time."

"You'll have to forgive us, Dr Grey," Hotch spoke quietly, "we don't have the patience for this kind of thing like you do."

"It's okay, and you can call me Veronica," she smiled nervously and picked at her nails.

This was what she'd wanted all along, to meet Spencer's team. But now, she was standing in front of them and couldn't think of a single thing to say. She had imagined this moment every night for months, but never in her wildest dreams did it go like this.

"Veronica then," he said stiffly, "so you said you're a neurosurgeon?"

"Yeah," she said, tearing her eyes away from the surgery in front of her to face him, "that's how Spencer and I met; he came to a lecture I gave on the Endoscopic Fenestration of Arachnoid Cysts Through Lateral Pontomesencephalic Membranotomy, cos' that's just the kind of things he does for fun," she snorted.

"Sounds like him," Hotch said, smiling fondly.

"I just can't believe he never told us about you," Emily commented, "and I can't believe we never figured it out; I mean, come on, guys, we're meant to be profilers."

Veronica gritted her teeth, "Yeah, me neither..."

"Veronica!" Jackson said, bursting through the door to the gallery, "I just got away from the gala; how's he doing?" he asked, rushing over to embrace her in a tight hug.

"He's stable for now; his temp has come up a lot since he got here, but he did go into DIC, and they had to convert to an ex-lap..."

"Owen and Teddy will be doing everything they can; he'll be okay."

She nodded, "I know...I just want it to be over; even if he was in the CCU, I could handle it, but he's lying open on an operating table, and I can't help him."

He rubbed circles on her back soothingly, "it'll be over soon. Can I get you anything?"

"Something to change into. I don't think I have any clothes in my locker, but just grab me some scrubs... I'd take a patient gown if it meant I could get out of this dress," she said, tugging again at the restrictive top.

"You got it," he said, breaking away from their hug, "April wanted to come and be with you, but Harriett's with the sitter and she had to-"

"Don't worry about it, just get me something to wear. I can't breathe in this thing."

"Yeah, I'm on it," he said, giving her a gentle kiss on the forehead, "Cristina's on her way; she'll be here soon."

Jackson shuffled out of the gallery, giving a nod and a tight-lipped smile to the others as he passed them. Veronica retook a seat.

"That was Jackson," Veronica explained, noting the confused faces of the BAU team members, "Dr Jackson Avery, he works here too, but he was stuck at the gala - we were having this fundraiser for this hospital...stupid...."

"V! I just heard; why didn't you tell me?" Cristina burst into the gallery in a similar fashion to Jackson, "I had to hear from freaking Avery that your sexy FBI boyfriend got shot?" she berated as she sat down next to Veronica.

Veronica shrugged, "Jackson was there when I got the call. You were busy turning up the charm for that rich old sleaze."

Cristina shoved her lightly, "I'll have you know that rich old sleaze donated 1.5 million dollars to this hospital," she said smugly.

"Show off," Veronica grunted, folding her arms over her chest.

Cristina stood up to peer through the glass, "supervisory sexy agent, has Owen and Teddy working on him? You need to calm down and stop chewing your nails; he'll be fine."

Veronica rolled her eyes, "you need to stop calling my boyfriend supervisory sexy agent, or you'll be the one on the table."

"Aw, come on, I'm kidding! My husband is right down there...oh my god, my husband saves your boyfriend from a GSW? That'll be such a good story for me to tell your kids."

"Can we wait to see if he makes it off the table before we start discussing our hypothetical children?"

"Boring."

Jackson returned at that moment, "sorry, I didn't know your scrub size, so I just guessed. And you didn't have any shoes in your locker, so I stole some sneakers from April, you're the same size, and she won't mind - I also brought you some of her makeup wipes," he rambled, handing her the pile of clothes.

"Stealing shoes from your ex-wife now?" Cristina teased as Jackson sat down on the other side of Veronica, "I thought pretty boy Avery was rich enough to buy his own," she cooed.

Veronica stood up and slid the scrub pants on under her dress, and pulled the scrub top over the top. Cristina unzipped her dress, and she let out a deep breath as the pressure on her rib cage was released; she shimmied the dress off and threw it over an empty chair.

"Shut up, Yang," Jackson grunted.

"Children, behave," Veronica said warningly as she slipped on the socks and shoes she was borrowing from April.

Veronica sat back down and finished wiping off the makeup that hadn't been flushed away by her tears. Jackson gripped her hand tight in his, and she smiled appreciatively at him; Cristina gave her a pat on the shoulder.

"Guys, what if he dies?" she whispered as they watched Teddy and Owen work away on Spencer.

"He won't," Jackson protested, "he didn't code in the field, and the majority of GSW victims without penetrating vascular injuries survive if they get to a hospital on time."

"There is a bullet in his chest cavity! That is a penetrating injury," she blubbered.

"But it didn't directly damage his heart or any major arteries; yes, they could be weakened by force, but he's been in surgery for hours, and nothing has ruptured – plus after they close him up, we'll monitor him closely, and he will be okay," he said with a squeeze of her hand.

"Avery's right. It's far more likely he'll be a vegetable or something," Cristina shrugged.

"Yang! His best friends are right behind you," Jackson hissed.

"They are?" Cristina said, whipping her head around, "oh, hi."

Cristina gave them a wave, and they stared back dumbfounded.

"Who the hell are these people?" Emily hissed.

"I don't know, but they seem to think that Spence is gonna be okay, and that's all that matters to me," JJ answered.

"He could still die; people die from GSWs all the time. There could be complications, he could get an infection-"

"Look, Veronica, if the worst happens, then we can cross that bridge when we come to it, okay? And you know we'll all be here for you, no matter what," Jackson said, and Veronica smiled appreciatively at him.

"Thank you," she said, resting her head on his shoulder.

"Y'know, you should've married him when you had the chance - cos' if he dies and you were his wife, you'd get that life insurance. If he dies now, you'll just be poor and sad."

"Cristina!"

"No, it's okay," Veronica said with a slight smile, "it helps."

"God, talk about a dark sense of humour...."

"I think I'm just still drunk," Cristina shrugged.

"I think I'm hungover already; my head is killing me," Veronica groaned, massaging her temples.

"Want me to get you a banana bag?" Jackson asked.

"Yeah, why not."

Jackson stood up and made his way across the gallery and to the door; he turned back to face the BAU team members, "can I get anything for you guys? Coffee, water…I wouldn't recommend the food, but we got vending machines."

"No, thank you," Hotch answered politely, "anyone else?"

The rest of the team shook their heads or mumbled no thank-yous in response. Jackson gave them a sympathetic smile before leaving; JJ's stare was still firmly fixed on Veronica.

"What did she mean? You should've married him when you had the chance?" she asked.

"It means that supervisory sexy agent-"

"Cristina!"

"Fine, Spencer, asked V to marry him, and she said no cos' she can't let herself be happy."

"That isn't why I said no, and you know it."

"Well, no. But your real reason is stupid, so I'm gonna say it's your self-destructive tendencies instead. Do you know what I've give to never have to interact with Owen's dumb work friends? You're getting the best of both worlds here."

"You work in the same hospital! Owen's dumb work friends are your colleagues."

"Ugh, whatever."

"You turned Reid down because of us?" Rossi questioned, speaking for the first time since they had entered the gallery.

"It's a bit more complicated than that-"

"What's wrong with us? You didn't even meet us until today?" JJ snapped.

Veronica sighed and picked at her nails; her first interaction with Spencer's friends already wasn't going very well, and now she had to tread lightly as to not offend anyone.

"That's the problem; it took Spencer getting shot in the chest for us to meet because he refused to tell you about me; how could I marry someone when I'd never even met his friends? It's what we argue about more than anything else. We argued about it this morning actually...."

The blood drained away from Veronica's face as the events of the day flashed through her mind.

She turned to face Cristina, "oh God, we were arguing this morning about it, and again when I dropped his phone off at work - the last conversation we ever had was about that stupid argument. What if he dies thinking that I'm pissed off at him? I didn't even tell him I loved him before I stormed off," she said, tears welling up in her eyes.

"Well, he's a profiler, right? Even if you didn't say it, he would be able to tell...."

"He's a genius, not a psychic, Cristina."

"She's right," Derek interjected, "before he lost consciousness, he told me to call you and tried to say something else; he kept saying tell her... he never got to finish, but I'm sure it was just that he loved you."

"He really said that?"

Derek nodded, and a weight was lifted from Veronica's shoulders, although she quickly felt uneasy again when Jackson returned, IV kit and banana bag in hand.

"Okay, I know you don't like needles, but it'll make you feel better, so give me your arm," he demanded.

Veronica huffed and begrudgingly gave him her arm; she winced as he pushed the needle through her skin, "ow! I thought plastic surgeons were supposed to have a gentle touch."

"Plastics is barely even a real speciality; Avery gives boob jobs on the daily – we do real surgeries and save lives."

"Hey! I'm also a qualified ENT, and I practically run the burn unit-"

"Guys," Veronica groaned, "can you have your little dick-measuring-contest another time? Maybe like when my boyfriend isn't lying open on an operating table?" she said, gently massaging the tender skin around her IV.

"You said you liked my dark humour!"

"Only when it's funny," she sat down again and massaged her temples "hey, I think they're nearly done," Veronica cheered.

She dashed over to the intercom, "Are you guys closing him up?"

Teddy nodded, "yeah, and then we'll be taking him up to the CCU. You should get some rest before he wakes up," she advised.

"He's going to be okay, Veronica," Owen said; she couldn't see his face under his mask, but she could tell he was smiling.

Veronica couldn't fight the grin spreading across her own face; Spencer was going to live. He was going to make it off the table. Now all she had to do was pray that he woke up because Veronica didn't know how she would cope if she never saw his eyes again.

"He's really going to be okay?" JJ whispered; she held her hands up to her lips in a prayer formation as fresh tears spilt over onto her cheeks.

Emily pulled her into a tight embrace and stroked her hair, "Hey, don't cry. The doctor said he's going to be okay."

She nodded against Emily's chest, "I know, these are happy tears – it's just I've been sitting here for the past four hours wondering what I would tell Henry if his Uncle Spence died and now, he's going to be okay, and I'm crying more than when I thought he was going to die…stupid," she mumbled.

"It's not stupid," Veronica offered kindly, "your body has been in panic mode and how that you're finally able to relax a bit, you get an emotional outburst that makes you cry – it's totally normal," she said, tentatively reaching out her hand to take JJ's.

She nodded and gave Veronica's hand a squeeze, smiling at her for the first time since they had met. The mood in the room had shifted as the BAU members slowly began to accept that their teammate was going to live, and the nervous tension began to dissipate.

"Teddy's going to close him up and then wheel him up to the CCU, Cristina are you staying or coming home?" Owen's voice echoed through the intercom.

"I'm staying obviously!" she said indignantly.

Veronica shook her head, "no, it's okay, you go home."

"V, I can't leave you here-"

"It's fine, Cristina. You're working in the morning, and you'll need to be here for rounds at 6am, and you won't be any use to anyone if you're sleep-deprived. So, go home. Besides, I've got Avery to keep me company."

Cristina gave her an appreciative smile and squeezed her hand one last time before she left the room. A wave of jealousy surged in Veronica's chest as Cristina disappeared from her line of sight; it wasn't her fault that she was going home with her husband whilst Spencer was being stitched back together. But that didn't make it hurt any less.

"I'm so sorry, V," Jackson said, holding up his phone, "it's one of my burn patients, she's got an infection, and I think I'm the only sober attending after the gala…I can send a resident-"

"No, no, it's okay," she smiled sadly, "go and help your patient; she needs you more than I do."

"Page me if you need anything," he said, kissing her forehead gently before leaving her alone with the BAU team.

She was in a room with seven other people, but she had never felt more alone. They were clutching onto each other, whispering amongst themselves and smiling; Veronica didn't have anyone.

She shuffled away from the displays of affection and picked up her dress and shoes, "I'm going to put this stuff in the attending's lounge, there's coffee in there if you want anything – and on-call room seven is always empty if any of you need to sleep. He won't be awake for a while; you should get some rest," she said, giving them a tight-lipped smile.

"Thank you, Veronica," Derek said; he nodded over Garcia's head as he held her in his arms, "I don't think any of us will get much sleep until pretty boy wakes up, though."

Veronica laughed, "pretty boy, I always thought he was exaggerating when he said you called him that. If you don't want to sleep, that's fine, but you can't stay in here – the interns like to hang out in here before pre-rounds, and they'll be here soon," she said before gripping onto her IV pole and swiftly exiting the gallery.

Tears burned in her eyes as she made her way to the attending's lounge, grabbing a replacement banana bag from the nurse's station on her way; Spencer was going to be okay. He was going to wake up and have his team to comfort him, fetch him jello, keep him company through the recovery and bring homemade meals to his apartment. What else could she do for him that they couldn't?

She burst into the attending's lounge and slammed the door shut behind her. She let out a heart-wrenching sob as she shoved the dress into her locker, growing frustrated and kicking it when the poufy, underlayers of the skirt wouldn't fit.

Maybe that's why he had never introduced her to the team because he already had seven people who loved him unconditionally and could give him all the love he needed. And Spencer didn't want her to know that; what could she do for him that they couldn't?

Veronica darted into the bathroom and held her own hair bag as she emptied the contents of her stomach into the toilet bowl. Maybe she was just a fuck to Spencer, an outlet to release his frustrations after a hard day. Assuming he wasn't fucking any of his teammates, that was the only thing she was good for that they couldn't give.

Derek said that his last words before he passed out were about her; he asked him to call her. He tried to give her a message – why did Veronica not share Derek's confidence that the message was I love you?

She flushed the toilet and washed her mouth out with water from the tap. Her headache was beginning to subside, but she still switched out her banana bag before she limped out of the bathroom, using the IV pole as a support.

Veronica threw herself onto the couch. She wanted to scream, or kick something else or rip her own hair out, but she simply didn't have the energy to do anything except shut her eyes and drift off to sleep. The image of Spencer's open chest cavity and the knowledge that his team were everything she was and more burned into her brain.

***

Spencer's brain was awake before his body was. He was acutely aware of people moving around his room, but their voices were muffled, and he couldn't bring himself to open his eyes to see who they were.

There was a tight sensation in his throat, and suddenly, Spencer started gagging violently.

"He's fighting the intubation!" a voice called out, "page Dr Altman."

Dr Altman. He knew that name, he thought to himself. But his brain was still too hazy from the anaesthesia to think straight. Dr Altman…something to do with cardiothoracic surgery – probably one of his doctors. But where had they met before?

He felt hands all over him, grabbing at his neck and face; there was a horrible scraping sensation in his throat, and then he could breathe freely again. He's fighting the intubation, the voice had said. That was good; that meant he was breathing on his own.

However, he couldn't appreciate the joy of knowing he wouldn't be hooked to a ventilator for the rest of his life whilst his throat ached like that. The tube had been removed, but he still felt his gag reflex at the threshold of triggering.

He really needed to get Veronica more credit for that.

His limbs were heavy, he tried to at least wriggle his fingers, but they wouldn't move. The muffled voices which echoed around him were beginning to become clearer; he could make out what sounded to be JJ's voice by his head.

Finally, his brain allowed his eyes to flicker open. But he immediately wanted to screw them shut again when the blinding fluorescent glare of the ceiling lights shone down on him.

"Oh my god," JJ gasped, "he's awake!"

He couldn't move his head to see her, but her worried face quickly appeared in front of his, "Spencer? Spencer, can you hear me?" she asked frantically.

"Ow," he mumbled in response.

"Thank God you're okay," she said, stroking his hair as tears streamed down her cheeks.

"You gave us a scare, pretty boy."

Spencer strained his eyes enough to see Derek standing in the corner; he leant against the wall with his arms folded tight across his chest, but Spencer could clearly see the grin he was fighting.

"What happened?" he groaned, trying to readjust his body into a more comfortable position.

"Hey, don't try and move," JJ scolded lightly, "the nurse said that you'll be groggy from the anaesthesia for a while," she took his hand in hers and squeezed it gently.

"Did we get him? The unsub?"

"Yeah, don't you worry about him, kid, he's going away for a long time," Derek reassured, "he got a shot in at you before we could take him down… I'm so sorry, kid, you fell, and it distracted me long enough for him to shot you before I could shoot him."

"Hey, it's not your fault," JJ said, "it could've happened to any of us."

Spencer nodded in agreement but didn't try and speak again; his head was throbbing, and he closed her eyes again, the darkness providing some brief relief from the brilliant light above his head. But with every passing second, Spencer became increasingly aware of the dull aches in his chest and abdomen, the pain growing sharper with each intake of breath.

"How many times did I get shot?" he groaned, "I can't remember anything…but my whole body hurts."

JJ bit her lip as she continued to stroke his hair, "just once, Spence, but you fell down the stairs just before you got him and it injured…something, I don't know what – I can't remember what she said," JJ looked over to Derek for a prompt, but he shook his head in response.

"Hey, don't look at me; I didn't understand a single word any of those doctors said," Derek shrugged, "Dr Altman is coming to check on you, though, kid. I'm sure she'll explain it all to you."

Dr Teddy Altman!

They met at Cristina and Owen's wedding; Spencer could tell she was in love with the groom and distracted her with a rant on Mechanical Complications of Acute Myocardial Infarction. She was Veronica's friend.

Oh god, Veronica. She must be so worried – if Derek had even called her that was, she might be oblivious to his condition. Spencer was ready to open his mouth to as about her, but JJ was already speaking again before he had the chance.

"…and our resident genius will definitely be able to understand better than us," she said, pressing a gentle kiss against his forehead, "I've never been so nervous as when we were sitting in that gallery, thank god those doctors fixed you up."

"Wait, what gallery?" Spencer asked, opening his eyes to squint at her, her words distracting him long enough to forget to ask about Veronica.

JJ paused and exchanged a look with Derek, "we hoped you wouldn't mind – we were in the OR gallery during your surgery, but we didn't actually see anything," she reassured, "none of us could actually bring ourselves to watch, but we just wanted to be there, in case anything happened to you."

"Not that we'd have been much help," Derek chuckled, "but I got you to the hospital in one piece. I wasn't about to let you out of my sight until you were stable."

Spencer nodded slowly, "how did you even get in there?" he mumbled.

"Veronica," Derek said, "you asked me to call her, and she came straight over, but she wasn't about to sit around in any waiting room, so she found out where you were…we just followed her up there."

Spencer tugged on his blanket, "so…you met her then?"

JJ nodded stiffly, "we did."

"Oh. Suppose I did ask you to call her, I don't know what I expected…."

"We didn't get a chance to talk much," Derek said carefully, "you were touch-and-go a bit in surgery, so it was a bit too tense for small talk."

JJ moved away from him and sat back in the chair next to his bed; she picked at her nails, "I don't get why you never told us about her, Spence?"

Spencer didn't answer her. This was not how he wanted this conversation to go; in fact, he was hoping he'd never have to have this conversation at all. The rational part of his brain knew that was unrealistic, but the rational part of his brain didn't seem to exist when it came to protecting Veronica.

He shrugged, "I didn't think you guys needed to know."

Derek unfolded his arms and moved out of the corner, coming to rest at the end of Spencer's bed, "didn't need to know? You've been making excuses about this to me all day, kid. And I'm not buying the - you wanted to have something to yourself - bullshit anymore-"

"You asked her to marry you," JJ said, her voice cracking slightly, "you wanted her to be your wife, but you didn't even tell us about her? Were you just going to get married without any of us there?"

"She told you that?"

Spencer had the strength to ball one of his fists; this was going horribly. The tension he had created in his hand spread up his arm and along to his chest. He grimaced as another sharp stab of pain rippled across his body.

JJ shook her head, "no, her friend mentioned it, and we overheard. I don't get it, Spence, we're supposed to be like family, and she…we didn't get to talk, but she seems nice. And she's a doctor – she's smart like you, and she obviously loves you. Did you think we wouldn't like her?"

"No, and she said no to me anyway, so it doesn't matter…."

"She only said no because you wouldn't introduce her to us," Derek stated bluntly, "that's what she said when we asked her about it and considering I didn't even know she existed till this morning, I can't say that I blame her."

"Guys, I will explain later, I promise," Spencer began as he tried to sit up in the bed, "but I need to talk to Veronica. Right now – where is she?"

"She is in a patient room down the hall," Dr Altman said as she waltzed into the room and picked up Spencer's chart from the end of his bed, "nice to see you awake, Dr Reid."

"A patient room – i-is she okay?" Spencer stammered.

Teddy peered over the chart to look at his concerned face, "she'll be fine, she's just dehydrated and a bit hungover – we've got her on an IV. Besides, the couch in the attending's lounge is not the place you want to sleep unless you want to give yourself scoliosis."

Spencer tried to move one of his legs, "I need to go see her, I need to explain everything, I-"

"You need to lay back down," Teddy said as she moved over to his bedside and pressed her stethoscope against his chest, "I need to listen to your chest, take a deep breath for me-"

Spencer begrudgingly breathed in.

"-breath sounds are clear and equal, that's a good sign," Teddy said, hanging the stethoscope back around her neck, "and your latest round of labs are all within normal limits. Dr Hunt and I were able to remove all the bullet fragments during surgery, we were concerned that the impact could've weakened the wall of your thoracic aorta, but it seems unaffected."

Spencer nodded, "okay."

“We had to convert to an exploratory laparotomy mid-surgery; you had some bleeding in your abdomen which we needed to repair; that's why you have two incision sites. They will likely leave scars, I'm afraid, but the abdominal bleeding triggered a condition called DIC and would have been fatal had we not caught the bleeders."

Spencer's brain was spinning. He knew he had been in bad shape, but he really nearly died. He needed to talk to Veronica, and fast.

"…it was actually Veronica who made the connection between your fall and the bleeding. She wasn't even operating, and she saved your life," Teddy smiled at him, "I just need to take a peek at your incision sites, and then I'll be out of your hair."

Spencer winced as she lifted up his bandages to take a closer look.

"Okay, they look all good and no signs of infection. You will need at least another day for observation; I'll get the nurse to administer your post-op antibiotics, so let her know if there's anything else you need."

"He won't admit it, but he's in pain. Can he get any more morphine or something?" JJ asked, biting her nail.

"What? No, I'm fine. I don't need any more painkillers; I'm all good!"

Teddy raised an eyebrow at him, "you just had major surgery, but you don't want more pain meds?" she asked sceptically, "you aren't maxed out on anything; I can order more-"

"No," Spencer snapped, "I mean…no thank you, Dr Altman. They make me too disoriented, and I need to be clear-headed when I talk to Veronica," he said, adjusting his tone.

Teddy gave him one last suspicious look before she moved back towards the door, "okay, no more pain meds. I'll let Veronica know you're awake," she said before exiting the room, closing the sliding glass door behind her.

Spencer let out a deep sigh of relief and relaxed back into his pillows slightly. Even the brief conversation with Dr Altman had left him exhausted, so he wasn't sure how he would manage when the rest of the team flocked to his bedside to question him about his condition and Veronica.

Veronica.

That was going to be a long conversation.

JJ and Derek stayed by his side as the nurse came in to administer his antibiotics, just as Dr Altman had said.

"Hotch and Rossi had to go sort some things out with the arrest," Derek had informed him, "they said they'll stop by later when they can."

"And Emily and Garcia are in the cafeteria, we've let them know you're awake, but we didn't want to overwhelm you with too many visitors at once," JJ explained, "and Garcia really needed some sugar. She's been freaking out, Emily's trying to get her to eat something," she chuckled.

"I feel bad I caused all this stress…." Spencer mumbled.

"Course we're worried about you, Spence; we're a family. But you didn't cause us stress; it's not your fault," JJ reassured; she leaned closer to Spencer to grip his hand in hers.

"Exactly, it's the unsub's fault. You didn't choose to get shot," Derek added; he shuffled over to the bed from his corner and took hold of Spencer's other hand.

The three of them sat in comfortable and heartfelt silence for a few moments with their hands intertwined until they were interrupted by a hesitant voice in the doorway.

"Uh, sorry, I did mean to interrupt. I'll come back later…."

part 3 coming soon

sorry there’s not too much spencer in this part, i promise there will be more in part 3 when veronica and spencer have their confrontation

if you enjoyed this please consider leaving a comment as it really keeps me motivated, and reblogging! i really appreciate likes but on the tumblr reblogs are the only way to get my work out there x

tagging anyone who commented on part 1, message me/ comment if you want to be tagged for part 3:

@dilaurantisbitch

masterlist

i also take imagine requests!

#spencer reid #spencer reid imagine #soencer reid angst #criminal minds #criminal minds imagine #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x oc #hurt and comfort #angst #derek morgan #greys anatomy #cristina yang #jackson avery #april kepner

138 notes · View notes

wild-aloof-rebel · 4 years ago

Photo

amazingly, we ended 2020 with triple the number of words of fic in this fandom that we had at the end of 2019. thank you to everyone who contributed to that and to all the readers who motivate fic writers to keep publishing!!

1 - 3k words

Getting Out There by Januarium (rated G) Twenty-nine minutes after the agreed start time for the date, Patrick is aimlessly scrolling twitter—because isn’t it better to be annoyed at strangers instead of the woman who stood you up?—when a voice says, “Excuse me, are you Patrick Brewer?” [...]

grand gesture... by startswithhope (rated T) It had been David’s idea to host this little pre-holiday get together for their vendors and after Heather had offered up her farm for the venue, Patrick had been shooed out of the planning altogether. But of course, everything is perfect.

in the path of a possibility... by startswithhope (rated T) Sometimes you just have to ask the boy you like to dance and maybe he'll say yes.

Last Christmas by HolmesApothecary (rated T) Three Christmas Walks

On our way back home by upbeat (rated G) During their week-long separation, David gets drunk at a bar one night and calls Patrick for a ride home.

3 - 5k words

finding you at christmas by dinnfameron (rated G) Patrick helps out at his parents' Christmas tree lot in the city every year. One night, a lost kid and a handsome stranger come along needing his help.

I Put A Spell On You by houdini74 (rated G) David is a witch who spends his days baking cupcakes and uses his magic to to help people find happiness until his life is turned upside down by the arrival of a very cute and very unhappy Patrick Brewer.

Mind if I Move in Closer? by JustWaiting23 (rated T) David and Patrick get hit by a spell from a well-meaning stranger, now David can only be warm when touching Patrick. Will this be the final push they need to admit their feelings to each other?

you’re here (where you should be) by singsongsung *Alexis/Ted* (rated M) Alexis takes a holiday trip to the Galapagos Islands.

5 - 10k words

along for the ride by the_hodag (rated T) Unraveling someone else's grief can be complicated when they refuse to engage in anything more than idle road trip banter.

Drink a toast to innocence, Drink a toast to now by DesignatedGrape (rated T) David and Patrick meet one Christmas Eve in Toronto, and run into each other again three years later.

Hurt for the Holidays by missgeevious (rated T) David and Patrick meet by accident on Christmas Eve.

Pining For You by High-Seas-Swan (rated T) A new Christmas Tree stand arrives across from Rose Apothecary, and with it, pine needles. Everywhere. It's driving David crazy. As is the cute-but-rude lumberjack running the lot.

traveled down a road and back again by sonlali *Rachel-centric* (rated G) Five Christmases throughout Rachel's past that she spent with Patrick, plus one she spends together with Alexis at Patrick and David's cottage.

Where Every Stay Feels Like Home by MoreHuman (rated G) The Brewer family holiday wishlist: 1. Surprises 2. Escape rooms 3. Surprise escape rooms The Rose family holiday wishlist: 1. Getting the hell out of here

10k+ words

All I Want, aka O Christmas Trope by Januarium (rated E) A festive fake dating!AU.

The Big Chill by swat117 (rated T) David Rose learns to thaw while being chilled. ❄️ A modern-day Ice Age AU. ❄️

A Cardamom Christmas by Lisamc21 (rated T) David is stressed about work and decides to check out the nearby Christmas market. He expects to find lunch and maybe a Christmas gift or two. He doesn't expect to meet a charming baker who dishes teasing quips as much as sweet treats. David returns to the market each day to get another taste of Patrick the baker.

Every Breath That Comes Before [series] by nameless_bliss (rated T & E) [Three fics where David thinks about Patrick eventually leaving him]

Good Winter by Distractivate (rated M) Patrick spends a week in January at his parents' fishing cabin, sorting through memories and trying to figure out if enough of his past remains to rebuild relationships with his family and Rachel, while not losing who he's become with David. David, of course, helps. A story about making peace with all the versions of yourself, inspired by Bon Iver's album For Emma, Forever Ago.

happy golden days of yore by blueink3 (rated E) “What are you doing here?” Patrick blinks beneath the toque shoved onto his head, steadily dripping melting snow from his coat onto the mat they once purchased together. “Um… it’s my weekend.” [...]

A Holiday Escape by Lisamc21 (rated E) David needs to escape the stress of NYC and can't stomach another Rose family Christmas party, so he books an AirBNB for two weeks in Schitt's Creek. The town his family visited when he was a kid. The one true family vacation they'd had. He plans to spend two weeks drinking wine and soaking in a jacuzzi tub, but the cute guy renting the AirBNB derailed his relaxing plans.

If you’re looking for an ass to kiss by grapehyasynth (rated T) Everything's the same, except Patrick is already in town - and he's the mayor.

i’m your moonlight, you’re my star by doingthemost & singsongsung *Alexis/Twyla* (rated M) Twyla and Alexis spend the holidays together.

It’s My (Christmas) Party and I’ll Panic if I Want To by DelilahMcMuffin (rated T) It’s Christmas Eve and David wants nothing more than to spend the evening in Patrick’s room at Ray’s engaging in the kinds of activities that will get them on Santa’s Naughty List. But his dad has decided that he wants to throw a last minute Christmas party. And to top it all off, Patrick’s parents have shown up unexpectedly to surprise their son for the holidays. Oh, and in case that wasn’t enough, David discovers that Patrick has been keeping a pretty big secret. [...]

Just to Hold the Hands I Love by DesignatedGrape (rated T) As David peered out the window at the snow-covered neighborhood, his gaze landed on his own front lawn, which he shared with the townhouse next door. Oh. Oh, no. Sitting in the middle of the small yard, facing the street, was an honest-to-god snowman, complete with stick arms, red scarf, and plaid trapper hat, and holding some sort of sign. David rolled his eyes. His neighbor thought he was so funny.

Meet me out at the end of my rope by yourbuttervoicedbeau (rated E) What if more than one bombshell was dropped the day of Patrick's birthday — one they couldn't come back from?

Termites of Endearment by unfolded73 & vivianblakesunrisebay (rated E) After discovering the cottage has to be fumigated for termites, David and Patrick suffer a stressful day and an onslaught of memories when they have to spend the night at the motel.

there it is, beating away by blueink3 (rated T) David and Patrick befriend a single mom and her son. Well, Patrick does. David is still feeling things out.

Your Guide to Winter Trail Etiquette by middyblue (rated E) It’s not exactly a promising beginning to his New Year’s Eve ski trip weekend when David drops his bags on the couch of their little rented condo and Alexis’s new boyfriend, who’s wearing an ugly Christmas sweater almost a week after Christmas and crashing David’s plans, says in confusion, “Wait, but where’s Patrick going to sleep?” A story about things ending and things beginning, even if they come from somewhere unexpected.

and finally, just in case you missed it and are interested, i put together a list of some of my fave fics of 2020 and a little recap of my own fics from the year. happy new year and happy reading, friends!! 💗

#schitt's creek #schitts creek #fic recs #rebel fic round up

114 notes · View notes

tidymalism · 4 years ago

Text

How to Start a Low-Buy Year

I started a low-buy year for 2021. TL;DR: it’s been easier than I thought it would be.

What's a low-buy year?

It's a year of buying way less stuff. It’s essentially a more lenient variant of its strict cousin, the No-Buy Year. While the latter pretty much only allows for the purchase and consumption of food and essentials, you stipulate your own rules on a low-buy and can, for example, buy new shoes if you need them, purchase an app if it it's reasonable and justifiable, or get an occasional meal out.

Both schools are essentially methods to reign in your consumer habits and bid farewell to excessive spending. The reasons for doing so are personal and manifold. Maybe you have too much stuff at home and you don't know where to put it all. Maybe you're planning to downsize to a smaller place. Perhaps you're trying to get a grip on credit card debt, shopping addiction, or a tendency to hoard. Or maybe you were unexpectedly laid off and have simply had to cut way back on spending.

Whatever your situation and motivation may be, having a framework for cutting costs can set you up for success. Here are five steps to get you going on your low-buy journey:

1. Assess your budget and identify big expenditures in non-essential spending categories.

If you haven't been keeping a budget, you can refer to old bank and credit card statements to get a good idea of where you typically drop money.

I’ve used a budget application called Banktivity for over ten years, so it was super easy to pull up a report to see what my biggest non-essential spending categories were (fashion, cosmetics, and going out).

2. Set your rules.

After you identify your spending weaknesses, define your own rules for those categories. Do you need to cut back on hobby supplies? Books, apps, media? Bar-hopping or Starbucks? Look closely at whatever your personal weakness might be, and then think about what you can scratch.

In my particular case, I decided to cut spending on beauty products, clothing and accessories, eating out, and subscriptions. Here's what my rules look like for the year in those categories:

I may only purchase refills of cosmetics or skincare I truly run out of and need again for my daily regimen.

I may not purchase any clothing, shoes, or accessories, but I may use two vouchers I have, and I may purchase a bespoke item that was ordered one year ago if and when it finally arrives.

I may only get two takeaways or inexpensive meals out per month (this has been easy so far, as we're still in lockdown and no restaurants or pubs are open anyway).

I am only allowed to keep paid subscriptions to things I use multiple times a week. This turned out to be Microsoft Office, Spotify, and Netflix. Everything else was cancelled.

3. Remind yourself why you're doing a low-buy year.

Stay motivated. It's important to remember you have a reason for going low-buy. Be it abstinence until you've found a job again, or saving for financial independence, creating a tidier home with less clutter, or chipping away at your student loan or credit card debt. Remember your reason, and envision a successful outcome in your mind’s eye!

4. Avoid temptation.

If eating out was your thing and you've decided to totally cut back on it, set yourself up for success by making it easy to eat at home! You can do that by meal-planning, cooking ahead and meal-prepping for all those weeknights you feel too lazy to cook, and by organising your grocery shopping in advance.

If you are a shopaholic, you'll want to unsubscribe from all those newsletters and marketing emails you constantly get about sales. Ridding your inbox of this consumer click bait is a first big step in avoiding temptation! You’ll soon discover you will not die if you don't keep up with the bi-weekly new collections at Zara, or the latest drop on Net-a-Porter.

5. Enjoy your newly-won free time.

You're going to have more time on your hands when you're not shopping, browsing, scrolling, and pining for new stuff. Take a walk. Read that stack of books you've been meaning to read for forever. Call your grannie. Start a new blog. Teach the dog some tricks. Learn to code. Clean out the cellar. Take a nap. Or go volunteer for a cause you care about.

————————

So far this year, going low-buy has been less painful than I would have expected. I was very quick to replace my online shopping habits with new things like taking online courses and blogging. And while being in the midst of a pandemic is horrific and we all wish it would end, it has actually made it easier to buckle down on spending: having far fewer places to go has equated to less opportunity and need to spend money.

Does doing a low-buy year sound too daunting to you? You don’t have to do a whole year. Consider a low-buy week or a low-buy month instead. See how it goes, how much you saved, or if you need to tweak your rules. Leave a comment if you have any tips!

🗣 follow more tidymalism on instagram | twitter | pinterest | tiktok

#low buy #consumerism #budgeting #spending habits #minimalism #less is now #minimalist challenge #environmental protection #tidymalism #decluttering #inspiration

33 notes · View notes

kimnamjoonsrightthigh · 3 years ago

Text

1.1/Friday afternoon/KNJ

Series Protector, protected

Part 2/?

Summary On your way home, you encounter someone in need of your help. Giving it earns you six new friends and one new enemy.

Genre(s) Drama, fluff, bit of angst, bit of antagonists to lovers, eventual smut, hurt/comfort.

Pairing Namjoon x Reader.

Warning(s) Alcohol consumption.

Tags Tourist!AU, reader is a clumsy brave idiot, Jungkook is everyone’s baby, possessive!Namjoon, this will be a long one.

Wordcount 1.5K.

A/N I’m new to the social media AU sphere and also not from the US, if anyone could recommend me an app or a program for good fake texting/insta/twitter, that’d be amazing and I would love you forever.

On Friday afternoon, you were frowning into your gin tonic. Ani slumped into her seat across the table from you. A sigh left her lips, which went unnoticed by you as you watched the ice cubes in your drink. She narrowed her eyes at you and your expression.

“Earth to Y/N,” she said slowly, “are you here with me?”

“Hmm.”

“I take that as a no.”

“Yeah.” You considered the glass in front of you critically, with a look so scathing that it was usually reserved for incompetent colleagues, or annoying plaintiffs. Diluting liquor, you mused, seemed like a waste of everybody’s time, and yet you couldn’t stand shots without a chaser. You wanted to cling to that train of thought, somewhere between cocktail recipes and youthful memories, but you couldn’t. Mentally, you were still stuck on the group you encountered last night, replaying the encounter in your head over and over again. Your regrets had launched you into a full-on anxiety spiral that morning. You should have insisted on going with them. You should have insisted they take Jungkook to the hospital. Hell, you should have at least given them your damn name so the cops would have a witness. Bottom line, you should have done anything that didn’t include you awkwardly shuffling your way out of there. You felt like an idiot even thinking about it, but you couldn’t not think about it, either, because you were simply too old to behave like a headless chicken.

“I’m hungry,” Ani said, picking up the menu again, “let’s split some nachos.”

You hummed a response. Nachos seemed like a good way to take the edge off before you ordered another gin tonic. And then another. With ice. Which was cold. Like nights usually were. Unlike last night, when you had left a group of helpless tourists standing in an alley on their own… damn it. You had almost managed to pull yourself out of it. Almost. You forced yourself to look at Ani, whose eyes were focused on something behind you. She shook her head before saying: “That dude is wearing two fanny packs. No, three. Tourist much?”

Your head whipped around so fast you almost snapped your own neck. Sure enough, there was Seokjin, digging into one of his many pockets while Namjoon was fiddling with his phone and Hoseok studied the menu board of a restaurant further down the street. You nearly fell out of your chair in disbelief. They were all there, all seven of them. Either you got heatstroke at lunch and were now hallucinating, or the universe was sending you a sign to make things right.

“Order the nachos, Ani,” you mumbled. Without acknowledging her answer, or considering your choices further, you pushed to your feet and started walking towards the men. You were a few feet away, heart hammering in your chest, when you called out Namjoon’s name. More than one head shot up. You scanned their faces quickly, and they all seemed okay. Jungkook’s bruises looked better in the daylight, too. A smile blossomed on your face as the relief crashed right through you. Hoseok and Jungkook smiled back at you.

“Hey, guys,” you said.

Namjoon’s expression was unreadable when he looked at you, the hint of a strained smile playing about his lips. “Hello, Y/N.”

“You all look alive. And kicking. That’s good.” You felt a familiar nervousness claw its way up your spine, settling at the back of your neck like an oversized memory. Your hand came up to brush your hair from your face, and you found it trembling a little. “How’re you, Jungkook?”

“I’m good, thanks.” There was that grin again, slightly mischievous, but mostly sweet. You had no idea how any self-respecting mugger could have picked him of all people as a victim.

“Good. Great, actually. I, uh, wanted to apologize for running out on you like that yesterday. I should have stayed. Did you end up going to the police?”

“We did,” Namjoon said, “They wanted to put out a call for witnesses when we couldn’t give them your name.”

You blushed at that, because of course they did, and you didn’t think of it. “Yeah. Again, I’m sorry. I’ll get down to the station next week.”

“Seven strangers late at night,” he replied, shrugging in lieu of mentioning what seven strangers late at night might be capable of, “I would have wanted to leave, too.”

“Oh no,” you were quick to assure him, “No, not that at all. Just… that was my first mugging, too. In a way. I’m just glad Jungkook is fine.”

He crossed his arms against his chest and you wondered if that was his defense or offense. “Jungkook is fine, alright. We’ve been his friends for years, we took care of him.” You raised an eyebrow at him, very inclined to meet his tone at least halfway. The underlying challenge was not lost on you.

“Except for the time you lost him, of course. His English is good, though, I’m sure he would have found his way back – eventually.” You noticed that the other six had taken a few steps back, Hoseok and Yoongi grinning at each other, the others looking away.

Namjoon’s jaw was working hard to contain whatever unfriendly things he was undoubtedly thinking. You watched a range of emotions cross his face before he managed to settle on a smile.

“Again, thank you for your help,” he said, clearly intending to end the conversation there. You were ready to accept that, knowing now that they were safe and well, when Jungkook put his hands on Namjoon’s shoulders from behind and mumbled something into his ear. You were close enough to hear that something was being said, but not what.

“Would you be open to us buying you dinner as a thank you?” Namjoon sighed. You perked up immediately.

“It would be my pleasure,” you practically purred. You never said no to free stuff, categorically. It was free stuff, after all. Also, during your day of self-inflicted mental torture about the fate of the seven strangers, you had found yourself curious about them, their dynamic, whether they had enjoyed their vacation so far. There were things you wanted, no, needed to know. You didn’t believe much in fate, but two chance encounters were one too many for even you to ignore. So before Namjoon could change his mind or grab Jungkook and make a run for it, you pulled your phone out and motioned for him to do the same. Seokjin seemed to put as much trust in Namjoon as you did, because you saw him typing while you recited your phone number out loud.

“Tomorrow?” you asked, “I can come pick you up if you want.”

When Namjoon smiled this time, it seemed almost genuine. “Our treat, so we’re picking you up.”

After a few more waves and bows and goodbyes that were slightly less awkward than before, you returned to your table from where Ani had been watching the situation unfold, always ready to intervene if you showed any kind of discomfort or alarm.

“Don’t tell me that was them,” she scoffed into her beer.

“Yep.”

“And when did your life become a romantic comedy?”

“There’s nothing romantic about it,” you protested immediately. “It’s called civic courage. My duty as a citizen.”

“You’re full of it, Y/N,” Ani said, “but they’re hot. Whoever Jungkook is, you should have carried him to the hospital bridal style and locked that shit down.”

“Shut up and mind your boyfriend instead of ogling tourists.”

“Getting possessive already, are we?”

After running some much needed errands on Saturday morning and getting some even more urgent cleaning out of the way, you were contemplating your closet when your phone vibrated with a new notification.

“I have no time for more of your boyfriend drama, Ani…” you mumbled to yourself as you picked it up. It wasn’t Ani, however, it was Namjoon, confirming the dinner time.

“Ever the gentleman,” you told your empty bedroom, but texted back something affirmative anyways. The big question remained, what in the fuck am I going to wear? So far, “dinner” was all the information you had. That could mean anything from a pizza slice to an actual reservation. You didn’t know where, what, for how long, would there be dessert? Should you wear a dress, or a dress? Sneakers or boots, in case you had to walk? The uncertainty was stressing you out more than any meeting you’d had this week. You decided it was high time to call the cavalry, but then Ani didn’t pick up and you were left to your own devices once more. Frustrated, you flopped down onto your bed to scroll through some apps. Your messenger was still opened to the last message, and you figured even Namjoon wouldn’t find a reason to get annoyed at you over a simple question.

You groaned, burying your head in your comforter. He really had to make this harder than absolutely necessary – not that you had expected him to be actually helpful. But even without his expertise, you were dressed and ready when 7 came around and your doorbell rang.

#BTS #BTS fanfic #namjoon x reader #namjoon x you #kim namjoon x you #kim namjoon x reader #kim namjoon

12 notes · View notes

hopelesshawks · 4 years ago

Text

Official Accounts Part 35 (Bakugo Route)- Whole Again 18+ NSFW Version

Summary: (y/n) was perfectly happy remaining anonymous, even if her best friends were all pro heroes and she worked under THE Hawks. Handling the technical aspects of hero work from the background suited her just fine, thank you very much. That goes out the window when suddenly her twitter blows up thanks Denki and the famed no. 2 hero is asking her to run his own official twitter as a result

If you don’t want to see Official Accounts content blacklist #hopelessoa

It’s been made pretty clear throughout the fic but just to make it even more so the characters are AGED UP. They’re about 24 when this fic happens. This one isn’t for minors but don’t worry there’s a SFW version for y’all here so you can still enjoy the story. I promise you’re not missing out on much

Warnings for unprotected sex, fingering, dom/sub themes, dirty talk, and mention of reader having a vagina

Masterlist

You have willingly fallen off many a building since you first began the ‘think fast’ tradition. First was the UA dorms and since then you’ve also fallen off every apartment building you’ve lived in at least once. All of this to say that you know what it’s like to fall and you know what senses and feelings you like to focus on when you’re in free fall. Typically if you’re falling someplace new you’ll stare at the surrounding buildings as they streak past. More familiar places you typically just close your eyes and enjoy the feeling of falling.

Falling with Katsuki is different.

You pay no mind to the buildings rushing past the two of you. You dare not close your eyes. Instead you focus on the feelings of his warm arms wrapped around you as you look down into beautiful crimson eyes. The eyes of one of your best friends. The eyes of the first person to break your heart. The eyes of your first love. “Hold on tight,” he tells you with a soft smirk. You wrap your arms tightly around his neck and then wrap your legs around his waist as well. He brings one hand to caress your cheek briefly, his look so incredibly soft, before dropping both his hands behind him to send the both of you flying back upwards. He helps you slide around so you’re piggybacked on him with an ease developed from years of doing this ritual. Then he starts directing the two of you further and further away from the venue. “Where are you taking me explosion boy?” you ask in his ear. “It’s a surprise dumbass, just wait and see,” he insists. Eventually you leave the downtown area and move further out to the suburbs and soon enough you start to recognize some of the streets. Bakugo touches down at a public park with an old playset only a few minutes walk from UA’s campus. He carefully lets you back down onto the ground as you take in the space around you. “You brought me to our park,” you say in wonder as you move towards the rusty swingset nearby. “I did,” Bakugo confirms with a smile as each of you takes a seat on one of the swings.

You and Bakugo used to sneak off campus to come here on a regular basis. There’s a dent in the jungle gym where you’d lashed out at it with your quirk one day when one of your classmates had pissed you off. There’s a hole in one of the tunnels that Bakugo had created after a particularly contentious fight with Midoriya. If you looked long enough you’d probably even find where you and Katsuki had carved your initials the night of graduation. The park was filled with memories of the two of you together and this is your first time back since the two of you had broken up. “We used to stay out here for hours when we could sneak away,” you recall wistfully. “Those were some of my favorite memories from the UA days,” Bakugo admits. “Really?” “Obviously,” Bakugo scoffs but then he stops, thinking for a moment. You watch him curiously as he takes a deep breath, staring determinedly ahead as he continues in a softer tone “it’s the place I promised you forever.”

You know exactly what night he’s referring to. It was about a week before graduation and the reality of high school being over and your careers beginning was hitting Katsuki hard, so the two of you had decided to escape out to the park. You both sat on the swings then just like you are now and you looked at the stars and talked about the future. “I remember. You said there was no future you imagined for yourself without me in it,” you admit quietly. “I meant it,” he replies. “I know.” “I still mean it.” “What?” “I said what I said.” The two of you briefly lapse back into silence as you mull over his words. You gently swing a little as you gather your thoughts. “I’m so-“ “Don’t apologize dumbass you did the right thing. Plus I didn’t bring you here to guilt trip you about the past,” Bakugo interrupts you. “Why did you bring me here?” you ask curiously. “Well... This is where I confessed to you the first time and that seemed to go well. Guess I was hoping it would give me good luck again.” “Katsuki, I... What exactly are you saying?” you ask breathlessly. “I love you, (y/n). I never stopped loving you,” Bakugo finally confesses, dragging his eyes away from the ground so he can look you in yours as he says it. “Even after all this time?” you ask. “Especially after all this time.” “I love you too Katsuki,” you reply before you lean across the short distance between the two swings to press your lips to his.

Katsuki’s reaction is immediate, one of his hands moving to caress your face as he deepens the kiss, pouring every unspoken ‘I love you’ from the past 5 years into it. God he’s missed this. All this time he’s been resigned to never feeling your lips on his again, never feeling your love again, and yet here he is feeling it all in the very spot where it first began. He pulls away slightly to mumble “come here,” against your lips, and you happily let him tug you towards him and into his lap. Your arms wrap around each other as he presses a kiss to each of your cheeks and the tip of your nose before returning to your lips. With each peck Bakugo feels a sweet relief akin to diving into cold water on the hottest day of the year. He had forgotten what it was like to not be heartbroken until this very moment with you once again in his arms. For the first time in five years he is whole again.

You laugh as Katsuki scowls down at his phone. “Bakugo Hype Squad huh?” you tease which only makes him scowl harder. “They’re idiots,” he huffs. “Yes but they’re your idiots,” you reply before pressing a kiss to Bakugo’s furrowed brow. His face softens almost immediately as he redirects his attention back to you, pocketing his phone. “I’m glad you and Hawks are becoming friends,” you admit. “He’s not half bad I guess,” Bakugo scoffs. “That’s practically a raving review coming from you.” “Whatever.” “Wait oh my god,” you gasp as realization dawns on you. “Is that what those tweets were about yesterday? Did you and Hawks plan this together? That’s adorable Katsuki,” you laugh and the scowl returns to his face immediately. “I’m not cute dumbass,” he grouses, hands tightening minutely around your waist. “I hate to break it to you Katsuki but you are the cutest,” you laugh.

One moment you’re laughing, sitting in Katsuki’s lap, and the next you’re on your back, wood chips digging into your skin, breath knocked out of you with him pinning you to the ground. Before you’ve even fully adjusted to the sudden shift Bakugo is leaning down to growl in your ear “I said I’m not cute.” A shiver shoots down your spine and you know he can tell because when he pulls back his crimson eyes are burning with aggression and lust. “What’s wrong? Don’t tell me you’re speechless already Doll,” he teases, a smug smirk stretching across his face. “Awfully confident for someone who apparently needed a hype squad,” you fire back. “You know that teasing me is a dangerous game (y/n),” he warns as he leans down closer to you. His hips get close enough to yours that you can feel where he’s starting to harden in his suit pants. His mouth drops down to press kisses to the column of your throat but you try not to let it distract you too much. That would mean he wins. “Really now?” you ask as you roll your hips up into his. He growls again, nipping at your neck in retaliation before his mouth starts traveling further. “Wait, wait, wait Kacchan we’re in a public park,” you hiss, pushing at his shoulders. “And?” he scoffs, although he does halt his progression and lean back to look at you. “And I’m not trying to get arrested for public indecency,” you reply with a roll of your eyes. “Fine, but I’m taking you back to my place.” “You fucking better.”

You’re genuinely surprised Bakugo doesn’t just blast his door open when the two of you finally get to his apartment. He’s been all over you since the park, eager to get you back to his place and alone so he can do with you as he pleases. He’s waited a long time for this and he wants to enjoy every moment of it. As soon as you’re through the door he picks you up and tosses you over his shoulder. “Katsuki!” you squeal in protest but you still can’t help but giggle as he moves to the bedroom with purpose. Once he gets there he quickly drops you onto the bed, but before you can complain about the rough handling he’s on top of you again and kissing you senseless. His hips grind mercilessly down into yours and you gasp into his mouth as you feel his urgent erection. “Someone’s eager,” you tease. “I’ve been waiting for this. Waiting for you,” he replies as his lips pepper kisses all over your face and his hands find the zipper of your dress. Despite his prior urgency, he removes your dress as if unwrapping a precious gift, cherishing each and every moment. You return the favor as you strip him out of his suit. It’s almost surreal being like this again. Skin sliding against skin as the two of you slowly peel away the layers separating you.

Once the both of you are finally nude Bakugo stops for a moment and leans back so he can look at you more fully. “You are so fucking beautiful, you know that?” he breathes out like a prayer. You blink up at him, at a loss for how to respond in the face of his awe and adoration, before settling on a simple “I love you Bakugo Katsuki.” “I love you too (l/n) (y/n),” he replies before diving back in to press another bruising kiss to your lips. His lust seems to reignite as his hands skim across your sides, luxuriating in the feeling of you beneath him. One of his hands makes its way to your dripping sex, causing you to gasp as he trails his fingers up your labia. “God you’re so fucking wet for me already,” he says before easing a finger inside you. “So fucking tight too. You miss having me that bad doll?” he asks as he adds another finger and begins slowly pumping them in and out of you. “Yes, fuck yes I missed this Katsuki,” you moan. “How badly did you miss it?” he asks as he drags his fingers along your gspot. He still knows your body almost as well as you do and he takes full advantage of that knowledge to have you mewling on just his fingers. “So bad baby,” you moan. “You miss my fingers?” he asks. You nod and his hand immediately stills, causing you to whine in frustration, your hands gripping onto him tightly. “I need to hear you say it,” he growls right in your ear. “I-I missed your fingers. Katsuki please,” you beg. He resumes moving his fingers, even using his thumb to press circles into your clit. “What do you want baby? You gotta be specific,” he teases and you can hear the smirk in his voice but you’re too far gone to try and retaliate. “Need you inside me. Need your dick inside me,” you plead.

The moment you make the request Bakugo removes his fingers in favor of lining his throbbing cock up with your pussy. “You ready?” He asks as the tip of his dick begins to press forward. “Absolutely,” you pant and that’s all Katsuki needs to press deeper and deeper into the tight wet heat of your cunt. He takes it slowly to make sure you have time to adjust, his considerable girth stretching you open as he moves forward. As he finally bottoms out inside of you, your eyes flutter shut at the overwhelming feeling of fullness. “Open your eyes,” he commands and you immediately obey. As your eyes lock onto each other you gasp at the depths of emotion in his carmine eyes. “I’m gonna start moving now, ok?” he asks. “Ok,” you reply breathlessly. His thrusts start out slow and languid, just the smooth rolling of his hips against yours, but neither of you are satisfied with that for long. He quickly brings it up to a brutal pace and you can do nothing but cling to his shoulders and hold on for dear life as he plunges in and out of you. He angles his hips just right to have you seeing stars, unable to hold back your desperate moans and cries of his name. He drops his head to suck bruises into your neck, marking you as his again, as one of your hands tangles in his blonde hair. You can tell by the way his thrusts are growing more erratic that he’s nearing his climax so he brings one of his hands down to your clit to provide the extra stimulation you need to go hurtling towards the brink together. “Together baby. Let’s cum together,” he pants into your ear and soon enough your orgasm crashes over you like a tsunami. Your vaginal walls clench around Katsuki and between that and the beautiful noises you’re making he can’t hold back anymore. With one final thrust he spills his seed inside you, coating your inner walls with his cum as he groans out your name.

By the time both of you come down from your highs you’re both panting and out of breath. Eventually it turns into breathless laughter as what’s just happened finally sinks in. Together again. The two of you are together again. It’s a crazy, surreal, wondrous thought that fills you with a warmth you hadn’t even realized you’d been missing. The moment you’ve caught your breath enough to do so you lean up and kiss Katsuki again, unable to keep the smile from your lips as you do. “I love you,” he mumbles against your lips. “And I you. Thank you for an amazing night,” you reply. “You make it sound like it’s over.” “Is it not?” “I’ve got five years to catch up on Love. You’re not getting any sleep tonight,” Bakugo promises with a smirk and although your eyes widen in surprise at his declaration, you wouldn’t have it any other way.

Sleep is for the weak anyway right?

Author’s Note: THE NSFW GOT SO FAR AWAY FROM ME WOW but I love it. I know this took a minute to get to you guys but I hope it was worth the wait. ALSO I have a Ko-fi now! If you wanna support me the link is in my bio

Taglist [open]: @maltese-sparrow @someweirdshitman @oliviasslut @captaincyberqueen @ladyzayismultifandom @pixelwisp @cathy8taffy @itskindofafairything @larkspyrr @thatonegeekchick @thesleepysphinx

#hopelessoa #bakugo x y/n #bakugo x reader #bakugo smau #bakugo katsuki

35 notes · View notes

liannyeong · 4 years ago

Text

Crimson (Chapter 5)

Summary: Yujin attempts to escape the mansion.

Word count: 3272

Pairing: Jaebeom X OC

Warning(s): None

Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16

A/N: An even longer chapter now... Whoops. As always, you can show your support by buying me a coffee! Follow me on Twitter for updates ~ See you next week!

No, Yujin tells herself, there is no way I will stay here any longer.

Sure, Jaebeom has informed her all the details regarding the wedding. But can she fully believe his words? What if there’s other things she doesn’t know? What if they're hiding something from her? What if everything Jaebeom said is a huge lie?

Yujin supposes those things can be pardoned, except for one: the fae oath. The fae oath that requires her life as a guarantee. Performing a fae oath will put her life at a cost. Her life will always be at risk. Furthermore, the fae oath will have her tied down to Jaebeom for eternity. There is no way she wants that.

There is no time to waste. She has to act soon.

When night falls, Yujin lays in bed and waits. She keeps herself very still, as if afraid that the slightest creak of her bed will be amplified down the halls. She remains attentive, ears open for any single sound.

An owl hoots and that's the signal for her to move. Everyone would be fast asleep by now. Yujin tiptoes to the balcony and climbs over the railing. She makes her way down the walls with bare hands, careful with each step so as to not get her limbs tangled with the vines. She’s thankful to be given the room on the second floor, so it wasn't a tiring descent. She’s even more grateful to be at the most secluded room, for no one would be able to spot her at all. She lands safely on her feet, muffled, then sneaks her way out of the mansion grounds.

The moment her feet step into the forest, Yujin speeds off. She goes as far as her legs could carry her, as much as her lungs could take. There is no way she will stay in the mansion forever. There is no way she will live her life as someone else's bride. Even though she can barely see a thing, she heads straight ahead. She nearly stumbles over, almost tripping on her own dress. So she forcefully tears the skirt from her knees down. It’ll be much easier to run like this.

Yujin continues pushing on, not once looking back. Adrenaline pumps through her veins, her steps not faltering. She desperately hopes that she'll emerge out of the forest, into the familiar town. Perhaps by some miracle, there'll be a traveller at this hour, from whom she can get a ride to her own home.

But suddenly, Yujin is knocked backwards, her whole body falling onto the bed of moss and fallen leaves. She groans in pain.

"Going somewhere?" asks a familiar voice, low and deep. Yujin freezes in shock. How did he know? The male fae looms over her, his glowing eyes a contrast to the pitch black forest. It sends shivers down her spine. His eyes trail down her body, as if she's a prey.

Yujin swallows a lump in her throat, mouth feeling dry. Maybe it's because of all that running. Or maybe, she's just scared of her wits. She sees the fae coming closer, then crouching before her. She can’t see what he’s doing, but she hears the rustling of a fabric in the dark.

"I--" Yujin's mind is reeling. She needs to think of something. And quick. "I just--"

She feels a cool material draped over her lap. What?

“Your skirt is torn,” Jaebeom simply states. “It’s not befitting for my betrothed to wear tattered clothes.”

“I-- I’m sorry I--” Yujin stumbles on her words.

"Where were you going?" Jaebeom asks straightforwardly, eyes looking straight into hers.

“I was--” An idea strikes in her mind. Almost immediately, Yujin forces tears in her eyes, letting her shoulders slump. "I just miss my old house. I wanted to go back for a while and come back..."

The Fire fae hums. His eyes are gentle now, and she’s certain he believed her words. "You could have told me."

"I didn't want to trouble you... You were already busy with the wedding and I just-- It just doesn't seem right of me to burden you with my trivial request..."

The Fire fae brushes a knuckle against Yujin's cheek. He uses his thumb to wipe off the tears that rolled down her face. She can’t see, but she’s sure that he’s wearing a warm smile on his lips.

"Nothing you ask will ever be a burden to me," he mutters softly, like a promise that is to be shared between just the two of them. Then, he slips his arms beneath her body -- one below her knees, another around her shoulders -- before lifting her up easily. Yujin herself is surprised by how her body snugly fits in his hold, how close she is to his sturdy chest. She can smell his scent more strongly in this position and something about it has an effect on her. Her breathing easily evens out, she realizes.

"I told you before and I will tell you again, Yujin. Anything you ever need, I'll make sure it's taken care of," he gently reminds. He holds her closer and leans his head towards hers.

"Hold tight. I'll take you there," he whispers to her ear.

There's a whirring sound all around her and the next thing Yujin knows, the forest just spirals away. It happens in a matter of seconds -- or even less than that -- because in a blink of an eye, they’re standing in her old room.

Emotions hit her all at once. This place is the only familiarity she has. It's the only place she can truly be herself, the only place she truly belongs. How long has she been away, that she feels like this? Just a few days ago, she was all alone in this house, minding her own things, until a certain fae appeared in front of her.

"Could you... leave me for a moment?" Yujin croaks, a lump in her throat, a few moments after Jaebeom sets her down. She keeps her back on him, avoiding any eye contact.

"Sure," he replies. "Take your time. I'll wait."

Out of the corner of her eye, she sees the fae leaving her room, then a click of the door. Yujin exhales deeply, trying to relax herself. She hadn't expected to feel so many things when she stepped in here. She thought there wouldn't be any difference. Looking around, the room has collected dust in her absence. The windows were left open, her bed unmade.

What can she do now? Her attempt to escape the mansion is now foiled. She will have to return to the mansion with Jaebeom. Is there truly nothing she can do? Will she be able to change her fate?

Yujin's eyes land on her wardrobe. The dagger!, her mind recalls. She can retrieve the silver dagger without Jaebeom knowing anything about it!

Hastily, she pulls open the wardrobe doors and searches for the weapon. It's hidden beneath piles of clothes that she rarely wears. It's still wrapped in leather, and Yujin unsheathes it a little just to take a peek that she's gotten the right object.

Wait, there’s only the two of us in this house, her mind whispers. Realization dawns on her. She can just end it right here, right now!

A silver dagger to the heart will kill a fae instantly, was what her father told her. Yujin will just need to aim for Jaebeom’s chest! But how will she do it without him knowing? Can she creep behind him and stab him? She’s not even sure.

Whenever the opportunity arises, she decides. So Yujin ties the dagger around her right thigh with a loose fabric that she found laying around. Albeit torn, her skirt has just enough length to hide the weapon.

Yujin grabs a bag from her drawer and stuffs her favorite dresses for good measure. She then pads to the dressing table and grabs a hair clip that her father gifted her, just to remember him. A silver pendant at the corner catches her attention. She clicks it open and there, staring back at her, are her parents. Her mother was a beautiful woman -- her hair is long and wavy, her smile is warm and gentle. Sadly, Yujin only knows her mother through her father's stories. In the photograph too, her father has his arm wrapped around her shoulder, his lips curled into the widest smile. Yujin doesn’t remember a time when he wore such an expression in front of her.

Deciding that she has all that she needs, Yujin exits the room. She spots Jaebeom at the dining table below, seemingly staring into space. She moves quietly, eyes not once looking away from the fae. He doesn't even react when Yujin reaches the bottom of the stairs.

Perhaps this is a good chance! Her mind supplies.

She creeps closer, and very carefully, Yujin slips her hand to her thigh. She curls her fingers around the grip of the dagger, ready to unsheath it. She holds her breath when she’s a few steps away, slowly sliding the weapon out--

The wooden floor creaks, snapping Jaebeom from his reverie. He turns, and Yujin quickly lets go of the dagger, letting her hand drop by her side.

“Hey,” she says, forcing a smile, pretending as if she didn’t just try to kill him. "I hope you don't mind me bringing back some of my things to the mansion.” She holds up her bag.

"You can bring whatever you wish," Jaebeom assures. "Are you ready?"

Yujin nods. She notices how the male fae takes one last glance at the dining table and the living room just ahead. Weird, she thinks. Why does he seem oddly nostalgic of this place?

"Let's go back." The Fire fae winds an arm around Yujin's waist. She hopes he doesn’t feel the dagger pressing against his leg. This time, she can see the black smoke surrounding them in a circle. The loud noise can be heard in her ears again, then the whirling sensation as they disappear from the house before reappearing in front of her room door.

Yujin tries to break apart from Jaebeom, but the male pulls her into a hug, much to her surprise. She can't explain it but his touch feels nice, her own body relaxing against his. For some reason though, she has an inkling that Jaebeom needed some form of comfort himself. He buries his face into the crook of her neck and inhales deeply. She wonders if something happened to him...

The fae finally pulls away, but he places his hand on her face. He rubs the pad of his thumb against her cheek, eyes full of fondness.

"Don't hesitate to ask me for anything next time, alright?" he reminds. His hand goes to cup the back of her head and he leans forward. Yujin shuts her eyes tight, afraid that he will do something to her--

Then, she feels something bumping her forehead gently. Taking a peek, Yujin sees Jaebeom upclose, nearly in a cross-eyed fashion, his own eyes closed. He has their forehead pressed together. His eyes flutter open, and the red glow of it is especially mesmerizing this time, as he whispers, "Good night."

He lets go and gestures for the female to go in. Yujin nods at him, rather blanking out, before stepping into her room. The door clicks shut behind her and only then did she let out a sigh of relief. She dumps her bag onto the floor at the foot of the bed before throwing herself onto the soft mattress.

Why does her heart feel unsettled, she doesn't understand. All she can think about is the warmth of Jaebeom's body against hers, his deep voice, and his red eyes. Burying her head beneath her pillows, she tries to shake it off but her mind is plagued with thoughts of the Fire fae. It's the only thing she thinks of, even as she goes to sleep.

---

Three days before the wedding, Yujin starts feeling anxious, pacing back and forth in her room. How will she now escape this place? She can’t seem to think of any other way, apart from using the dagger. Even so, how will she use it? When will be the right moment to attack him?

Well, it’s not as if she can do it now anyway. She hasn’t seen the fae around since that night. It’s been a week, and she doesn’t even know where he’s gone off to. Jinyoung was the one who came to her and explained rather ambiguously that Jaebeom is occupied with matters pertaining to the wedding. Deep down, though, Yujin suspects that it's a lie.

“Why won’t he let me help out with the wedding if he’s that busy?” Yujin argues, sorting a new collection of books into the empty bookshelves. Who would have thought that such a huge library still has room for more books? She swears that it was all filled when she browsed down the aisles a few days ago.

Jinyoung looks at her with an amused expression. A tentacle made of water is holding up a volume of books behind him, having been conjured by the Water fae himself. He grabs one of the books and slots them into the bookshelf. “Why, do you miss his presence so much?”

She flounders, taken aback. “I’m definitely not--!”

Her reaction has Jinyoung laughing out loud, the skin around his eyes crinkling. For some reason, an image of a cute rabbit crosses her mind. No, he’s definitely not a cute rabbit.

Over the course of a week, they’ve gotten familiar with each other to have a friendly banter. While Jaebeom always exudes a kind of tensed aura, Jinyoung is more relaxed. It’s probably because the other fae has a wedding to worry about, Yujin muses. Nevertheless, there’s something about Jinyoung that makes him seem dependable. Trustworthy even.

Now, now, Yujin, she reminds herself, let’s not get swayed.

“Jaebeom wishes to make it easy for you,” the fae says afterwards, when he’s done laughing. “He wants you to enjoy your time here as much as possible.”

Yujin scoffs. “Yeah, sure. What can I even do here apart from reading all these books?”

If not for Yujin’s insistence and Jaebeom’s absence, Jinyoung wouldn’t have let her help with the books. If Jaebeom finds out, Yujin is certain Jinyoung might not even see the light of day.

“You must know that Jaebeom has gotten these new ones for you.”

She groans. “Yeah, I read all day every day, nothing else,” her words full of sarcasm, earning a chuckle from the Water fae.

“He cares for you. I have never seen him like this before,” Jinyoung says. “All of us joked that his heart is made of iron. But ever since you came here, he’s all… soft. It’s nice, to be honest.”

Yujin keeps herself mum, feeling rather uncomfortable. Something about it doesn’t sit well with her.

“Say, Jinyoung,” she calls, trying to divert the topic, “how are you and Jaebeom related?”

Jinyoung is not fazed. If he notices her intention, he doesn’t mention it. He continues to arrange the books as he answers, “We share the same father, making us half-brothers. My parents had an arranged marriage, but he married Jaebeom’s mother in secret.”

“Then your eyes--?”

“My parents were Water faes, but Jaebeom’s mother was a Fire fae.” Seeing Yujin’s frown, the fae explains, “That makes him a halfling, though he dislikes being called that.”

“Is it bad being a halfling?”

Jinyoung purses his lips. He turns his body fully to face Yujin, stopping his work. “The strength of a fae depends on the purity of their blood. The purer the blood, the stronger the fae. In Jaebeom’s case, his powers are diminished because he has both Fire and Water blood in him. While other Fire faes can manipulate and project great flames, Jaebeom can’t. He can only control small fires like candles, nothing more.”

Yujin has only seen Jaebeom toying with the candles and the fireplace. She must admit, she did think that was cool. If that is not a fae’s fullest capability, she can’t imagine how powerful a pure-blooded fae would be.

“Because of this, faes see halflings as crippled, weak and a disgrace,” Jinyoung goes on further, letting out a sigh afterwards. He murmurs, “Coupled with the fact that our father was a royal fae...”

Yujin heard that sentence loud and clear. “What?”

“Our father was the advisor to the King of the Water court. We used to live in the palace together, though Jaebeom was hidden away from the eyes of the faefolk. When word got out that our father has a halfling son…” Jinyoung shakes his head, eyes downcast. “Faefolks labelled my father as a traitor to the Water court. They wanted him to pay the price of betrayal for tainting the purity of the Water court. They wanted him out, wanted him dead. In his effort to protect Jaebeom and his mother, my father sent them here, to this forest, to this mansion. Here is definitely far from the Water court and far from any faefolk because it’s in close proximity to the humans.”

“What happened afterwards?”

“Well, my father was sentenced to death,” Jinyoung answers. “Thankfully, my mother and I are still welcomed in the Water court. It was difficult to regain the trust of the faefolk, but Jaebeom has it worse. He is completely ostracized, unwelcomed everywhere, including the Fire court. It was a difficult time for him too. Shortly after our father’s death, his mother died. In a sense, he lost everything all at once.”

“At least he still has you by his side,” Yujin says, sympathetic.

Jinyoung smiles ruefully. “Still, I have to keep my bond with him a secret. If any other fae finds out, we’d be doomed for.”

Yujin and Jinyoung have settled on the floor, talking about Jaebeom and Jinyoung’s family history, stacks of books long forgotten. The Water fae has his knees to his chest, arms hugging it close. He looks like a child who needs to be consoled.

“Jaebeom is the only friend I have. My only brother,” he says with fond eyes. “I’m not like other faes who love a fight. I’m rather diplomatic, you see. When he was sent away, I wanted to follow him. I wanted to go wherever he went. But he stopped me. He didn’t want me to live like an outcast when I am a pure blood. I used to visit him occasionally, but with the wedding coming up, I end up staying here more often than usual. But truly, I’m more than happy to be part of it.”

After listening to Jinyoung, Yujin feels a turmoil starting in her. Their past -- especially Jaebeom’s -- is unexpectedly tragic. To think Jaebeom had gone through all those horrible things… Yujin can’t help but feel pitiful towards him.

“I understand if this all comes as a shock to you,” Jinyoung speaks again, shooting a small smile. “Jaebeom doesn’t like talking about his past, but I thought you should know. Maybe it’ll help you understand him better.”

“On a good note, Jaebeom is more tolerant towards other elemental faes, as compared to any other fae. That is why you see other faes in this house like Chan. He even employed Bam, a Water fae, as his couturier! They see him as family, as someone they can depend on and look up to.”

“So don’t you worry,” Jinyoung suddenly assures, “Jaebeom will take care of you well. I attest to it.”

#got7 #got7 scenarios #jaebum #got7 jaebum scenarios #got7 jaebum #got7 im jaebum #got7 im jaebum scenarios #got7 im jaebeom #got7 im jaebeom scenarios #got7 writing #got7 fanfic #lim jaebeom #got7 lim jaebeom

19 notes · View notes

words-for-holland · 4 years ago

Text

Happier (6) | T.H.

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Summary: A deep conversation between Tom & Y/N takes place. Tom offers a solution to Y/N’s problem, but does she take it?! Can Harrison convince her?

A/N: It’s a rather short chapter but a lot of Tom & Y/N action!! I absolutely love reading all your therories and comments! Thank you guys so much for reading & sticking around!

Betrayal

Its a vile word for the people you trusted your life with. Still in a state of shock, Y/N couldnt understand why Katie would have betrayed her like this. To think she was her best friend through thick and thin, always having each other’s back...it all seemed meaningless. Now here she was, packing up and trying to figure out where to go from here. London wasn’t an option and neither was the city with the rent being so high up.

As if her path was written by the stars, Tom had decided to call her the moment she started zipping up her bag. Y/N knew it wasn’t a good idea to answer, but it was almost instinctive in the moment. Truthfully, she needed someone. Someone to tell her it was going to be okay. “Hey, look. I know you probably hate me after the last time we talked on the phone like this, but I just wanted to say Im sorry.” Tom’s voice spoke softly through the phone as he let out a slight chuckle of nervousness.

Y/N smiled slightly as she listened to his voice. It was the most conforting thing she had heard, and could only imagine his voice wrapping around her to make her feel some sort of ease. “Yeah. No it’s um..it’s fine, really.” Y/N responds trying to calm her breathing after sobbing for the past hour.

“Yeah I guess, you were right. Maybe I was just jealous, because..I mean you already knownhow I feel. But you’re your own person so I can totally understand why you’d want to see new people. After all you broke up with me and—” Tom started getting more nervous as he continued to over explain his reasoning, but Y/N didnt seem to pay any attention as she lets out what was bothering her.

“Kate’s been crossing us.” She interrupts.

“Wait what? What do you mean?” Tom asks now more concerned, pushing the phone closer to his ear.

“She leaked information about Natalie staying thats where the rumors came from and she sent those pictures of Matt and I to Natalie’s publicist.” Y/N says as she closes her eyes.

Tom was more confused and in complete shock. Not understanding why Y/N’s most trusted best friend who do this to her. “Y/N...I dont know what to say..I’m sorry.” He replies, feeling defeated that there was nothing he could do, especially since she was so far away from him. Even if Y/N would have rejected his advances, he knew she needed him...now more than ever.

“Don’t be. It’s fine.” Y/N lies as she sits down on the bed, silently crying.

“No, it’s not Y/N. I know you’re hurting and I wish I could be there to do something about it.” Y/N smiles at his words. For every sad and painful moment, there would always be some sort of comfort. Tom was hers. For a moment...just one moment, she forgot about all the terrible things that happened. The betrayal, the rumors, Natalie. The moment felt like it was meant just for Tom and Y/N.

But not all moments last forever. Y/N’s phone went off, alerting her of a notification. In fear, she thought the unknown number was ready to leave another threat for talking to Tom, but it wasn’t. Though it was just a simple Twitter notification that came up, it showed that Tom and Natalie were out again on display for the Public. Casually flirting back and forth, with pictures of their social media interaction with each other. Her heart sank even more..if it was even possible.

He was still with her, even if it was pretend. Y/N thought back to when Natalie first arrived to stay with them, and how she slowly tried to flirt her way and spend time with Tom. She thought about how well they worked and looked good together, and how she left Tom saying “You’d be happier with her.” While it was all under the unknown’s plan to say those exact words, Y/N couldn’t help but feel some sort of truth to it. Certainly, she wasn’t happier with everything thats happened, but for Tom...at least he still had a chance to be happier with Natalie.

“Y/N? You still there?” Tom asked through the phone, when he didn’t hear Y/N say anything for a good while.

She shook her head to stop her thoughts as she replied, “Yeah...still here.”

“Oh okay. Good. I thought you hung up on me.” Tom laughs nervously. “Look, uhh maybe we should focus on what you’re gonna do. So do you have a place to stay?”

Y/N looks around as she sighs in defeat. “No. I’d find an apartment but the rent is so high here in the city especially for those that live alone, and I really dont feel like moving back in with my parents right now.”

Tom listened to her dilemma closely, when he offered without hesitation, “Come back here.”

“Tom, you know thats not an option nor a good idea for us. I told you we needed space, and I certainly don’t want to live under the same roof with a girl your fake dating at the moment.” She says in digust, voiced laced with anger.

“Calm down, Y/N. Im just offering you a solution and I could make sure you don’t see her. It’s a big house after all.”

“It’s not happening.” Y/N says quickly to end the dispute. Y/N stops to think about her other option, one Tom make not very well like. “Maybe I could ask Matt. I know he doesnt live too far from here.”

“Okay, now you’re being delusional. That’s definitely not happening.” Tom scoffs, as he thinks about the sickening idea. “I don’t want you near him.”

“You cant tell me what to do.”Y/N snaps at him. “Just like I’m not telling to stop being near Natalie, let alone enter a PR relationship.”

“Well at least Im being honest and open about it and not hiding it like an immature child.” Tom fires back. Y/N was at a loss with the way he responded to her. While she did keep it secret, deep down she knew it was for his own good..but he would never know. “Im sorry. I didnt mean it. It’s just...I wish you were more honest with me..with everything. It hurts you know.”

“Yeah..” Y/N whispers on the phone, feeling guilty and upset by where they’ve ended up. “I know. I’m sorry too. I want to be honest with you about everything but I cant for good reason.”

“No reason is good enough, if you have to keep secrets from people you love.” Tom says bluntly. “Look Im not gonna make you choose where you want to go from here. It’s your decision and life. Im just saying my door is always open for you...no matter how many times you hurt me.”

“It’s not your obligation Tom. I’ll be fine with whatever happens to me. I have to be, but thank you.” Y/N says as she bids him farewell.

As Y/N grabs her stuff and heads toward the door so do Harrison and Harry. “We booked a hotel for a night, if you want to stay with us.” Harry says as he tried his best to smile for her.

Y/N does in return and nods. “Yeah. Okay let’s go.”

Harry, Harrison, and Y/N made it to Aviary Hotel in silence. No one was sure what they should say to the other, when everything had gone to shit in the past month. Once everyone settled down, Harry decided to go down and grab food the group, while Harrison stayed to watch over Y/N in case she needed anything. “So, you told Tom, Im guessing?” Harrison asked, sitting across the other bed as he watched her intently.

Y/N nodded not saying anything as she brushed her hair avoiding eye contact. She thought for a moment deciding if she should tell him about what really happened in the phone conversation. “He and I fought..kinda I guess. I told him I didnt have a place to stay and he wanted me to stay with you guys, but I said it’s not a good idea and then I mentioned Matt, and everything went downhill from there.”

“Wait why not? Why can’t you stay with us?” Harrison asked.

Y/N gave him a look as if he didn’t know the reason already. His blue eyes shifting from surprise to realization. “Right, I forgot.” They sat in silence for a few seconds before Harrison interjects again. “You know, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. I know Natalie and the unknown number still poses a threat, not to mention risky, but it’d be unexpected for them.” He offered.

Y/N thinks hard about it, her brows furrowing. “Yeah okay...but how does this that make it any better knowing that Im living with my ex-boyfriend who is also living under the same roof with a girl that he’s fake dating not to mention your childhood friend, and may very well be the other person terrorizing me.”

Harrison looks at her as he rubs his face in embarassment. “Well..when you put it that way.”

“Harrison, you can put it in any other way you want, it’s still going to be a bad idea.” She says.

“Look just think about it, okay. Its a big house, and you can use the attic room upstairs if you dont want to see anyone and have schedules until we can sort all of this out. And if it bothers you that much I even have a friend that lives close by who also needs a roommate herself.”

Y/N looks at Harrison skeptically, as he weighs out her options. “You really out here trying to find a way to make me stay with you guys and leave home huh?”

Harrison smiles as he combs back his dirty blonde hair. “No, Y/N. This here?” He points out arms wide, gesturing to the room to represent New York. “It was your home. Your real home, whether you want to believe it or not, it’s with us back in London. I know everything has been rough between you and Tom, but we’re going to find a way. I promise.”

Y/N sheds a tear, as she hears Harrison speak. He was right. Home just didn’t feel like home anymore. Not without them, but as much as she wanted to say yes, the odds of it being okay were against her...that couldn’t be ignored.

“So what do you say?”

Taglist:

@hollanddolanfangirl @ifilosemyselfagain @hevjadams @averyfosterthoughts @fangirl-with-a-mission @drishtisikarwar @eridanuswave @ifntelyinspirit @trumpettay @astridcommings @parkershoco @racewife2004 @sleepybesson @greatpizzascissorstaco @andievgs

#tom holland imagine #tom holland x reader #peter parker #peter parker imagine #peter parker x reader #tom holland

92 notes · View notes

wayward-mikaelson · 4 years ago

Text

His Little Sister

Word Count: 2041

Pairing: Jared x Reader

Characters: Reader, Jensen, Jared, Alex, Rich, Misha (Mentioned)

About: The Reader works on the set of Supernatural where her big brother Jensen stars along side his best friend Jared. The Reader has developed a major crush on Jared. The Reader somehow lands a roll on the show. A role that plays Sam Winchesters love interest which big brother Jensen isn’t too thrilled about.

Disclaimer: Language, Angst, Mention of depression, Mention of car accident, Implied Smut

Disclaimer 2: Any of the shorts that are hot and steamy, I want to put out there that it's in no way disrespectful towards Gen at all. I love her to death and respect that marriage between her and Jared. So when reading those shorts, know that it all takes place in an alternate world where they aren't married at all.

A/N: Tag all your SPN accounts

A/N 2: Tag any Sam/Jared Stans so they can see this

A/N 3: Should I write a Part 2? I feel Like there should be a part 2...Jensen find out his sister and best friend are sleeping together while at a convention maybe? YOU TELL ME!!!!

Forever Tag List: @donnaintx @myinconnelly1 @hobby27 @magssteenkamp @elansaidaris @440mxs-wife

*18+ CONTENT. ANYONE YOUNGER THAN THAT WILL NEED TO MOVE ON. I DON’T WANT TO RISK MY ACCOUNT BEING THANOSED.

**PLEASE DO NOT COPY AND PASTE MY WORK ANYWHERE WITHOUT MY PERMISSION AND WITHOUT GIVING ME THE PROPER CREDIT. I WORK TOO HARD ON MY WORK TO HAVE IT STOLEN. YOU CAN COPY AND PASTE THE LINK.

***THIS WORK IS ALSO POSTED ON IG, WATTPAD, AO3 SO PLEASE GO SO IT SOME LOVE OVER THERE

****FOLLOW ME ON IG, WATTPAD, AO3, AND TWITTER

*****DMS ARE OPEN FOR REQUESTS

"And...cut," Rich yells next to me. "That's a wrap! That was perfect!" I watch from the sidelines as he gets up from his directors chair. I watch as he makes his way towards Jensen and Jared. "Okay, now, I know it's late and everyone wants to get some sleep but, I want to run something pass you guys first." Rich pulls the two off set and outside. I look at the time on my phone and see that it's almost one in the morning.

"Want to head to my trailer for a drink?" Alex is next to me. He's still in his Jack outfit and still looking like a 16 year old boy who hasn't grown facial hair yet. He's been pinning after me for the last few years since I started working on the set of Supernatural. Everyone knew it too. Even my big brother, Jensen did. But I didn't feel that way towards Alex.

"Alex," I sigh. "Not tonight." I start to gather my things and make my way towards my brothers trailer. I normally stay at a hotel unless we have nights like this.

"Another time then?" Alex asks after me.

"She's not into you man," Jensen come up behind us hold some papers. "I could have told you that. I practically know who she's into." True, I think, but not this time. I couldn't tell him who it was because it was his best friend.

Ever since I started working on set, I saw Jared differently. He was no longer my brothers best friend to me. He was this funny and smart attractive man that smiled every time our eyes met. He even looks at me differently. Not the 'that's Jensen's baby sister' look. The look he give me always makes me blush. I would like to think Jared's into me but he was always going on some date with some chick.

"Sorry, Alex," I walk off with Jensen.

"It's all good," Alex walks off as well.

"You really should get back into dating," Jensen says handing me the papers in his hands as we walked to his trailer. "Anyway, we should talk about this."

I look at the papers. "It's a script," I say giving my brother a weird look.

Jensen wraps an arm around my shoulder. "Yeah, it's your script. The original chick who was casted as Opheila quit today. Rich and the others think you're perfect for the job."

I choke on whatever saliva is in my mouth. "My what?!" I exclaim pushing my brother away. "No! I haven't acted since my accident. And that was a year before I even took this job to help out on set."

Some years ago, I had a small but recurring role on the show Riverdale. In between filming and visiting home one day, I got into a bad car accident. My entire left leg was busted up and needed screws and rods. I was put out of work for months and my character on Riverdale was written and killed off. I was depressed because of it and then out of the blue Jensen pulled strings to get me back to work. My life was just starting to come back together and my limp was nearly gone too.

"I know," Jensen grabs my shoulder. "This could be your comeback. Give it a shot and if you don't like it, that's fine and Rich can suck my dick and get a new actress."

No one, and I mean no one, hyped me up and supported me and encouraged me like Jensen did. "Okay, here's to a comeback" I smile and Jensen pulls me into a hug. "Why did Rich want to talk to Jared as well?"

Jensen was quiet for a few minutes. "Well, this character we've been told, becomes a love interest of Sams."

I stop walking. "I see," It's a good thing it's dark because I can feel my face burning. Hot. "How does Jared feel about that?" I'm genuinely curious.

"Oh he's cool with it," Jensen continues to walking. I can tell that part of it is bugging him.

"And you?" I grab his arm and turn him around. "You don't seem or look to thrilled."

Jensen made a face. "I'm thrilled you got this roll. I've been dying to see you back in action acting again. I mean look at you. Beautiful and that limp you always complained about is gone. I just am having a hard time seeing my baby sister and best friend get friendly on camera."

I laugh out loud. I'm sure it's the fact that I am God awfully tired. "It'll be our characters getting close, not us." I hook my arm into his and we walk the rest of the way to the trailer.

"Rich is giving everyone the weekend off so we can focus on these lines." Jensen holds the trailer door open. Filming will start on Monday."

"Oi, that soon? Guess we get some sleep and start first thing."

Over the next few weeks, I learned more about my character. Ophiela, was also a hunter who hunted with the Winchesters a few times in the past. She and Sam also had a nice fun filled night before they lost contact. Turns out my character was going to be in the remaining season. Which to my surprise Jared was excited about. That kind of confused Jensen and made me blush hard that I had to find a way to hide my face from them all.

Getting back into acting wasn't hard. Acting with Misha around was hard. I never wanted to strangle someone so bad for purposefully trying to mess me up. I started to feel more and more myself behind the camera and delivering lines. Jensen even mentioned to me one night that I was getting that glow in my eyes when I acted. Rich was even impressed with my acting. About a month after taking the role and making it my own, we are about to wrap a scene where Sam and Ophiela are arguing. Our on set chemistry was fire. Everyone loved it.

Jared slams a book on the bunker set table. "What happened if we got there too late and found you dead?"

I lean over the table. "Then I would have died, Sam. You can't control that. Hell you can't even control your temper when it comes to my safety. Now if you will, I am going to wash off this hunt and go to bed." I take a few steps and Jared grabs my upper arm. "What the hell, Sam?"

"You don't see it do you," Jared starts to pull me towards him. Knowing whats going to happen, I can't help but feel nervous and giddy all at the same time. Jared has me up against his chest sweeping loose hair from my face. "I can't loose you." He cups my face and starts to pull me close when something loud crashes in the distance.

"Uh, sorry, about that," Jensen says picking up whatever he knocked over. Jared and I step away and I see irritation on his face.

"That was so perfect!" Rich whines from the directors chair. "Jensen, dammit, you need to be more careful." Rich comes around the corner. "I guess we pick this up tomorrow." Then he leaves.

"I'm going to go to my trailer," Jared walks off and I feel his hand slip out of mine and I realize that we had still been holding hands. I watch as he walks away.

"I really am sorry," Jensen says standing next to me. I look at him and I don't see a single regret about the incident on his face. He did that on purpose. That bastard.

"What the fuck, Jay?!" I ask pushing him. "The scene was going smoothly and it was perfect and you ruined it." I storm off leaving Jensen staring after me with a confused look on his face.

I walk way passed the trailer I share with Jensen. I walk pass Misha's trailer, Alex's trailer, and so on until I find myself standing at Jared trailer door. My heart is pounding as I hesitate to knock on his door. I don't what possessed me to go to his trailer but here I am.

"Jared," I knock on his door. "It's me."

The door opens and there stands Jared. In a t-shirt. "Hey," he says with a small smile. "Is your brother around?" The way he said brother confirmed he is just as irritated with him as I am.

"No, he's on set still or going to the local bar," I smile. "Can I come in?" Jared's small smile gets bigger. He steps aside and I walk into his trailer. It's neat and clean. I've only been in here a few times for only a few minutes. "I'm sorry, my brother can be a real dick sometimes." I say sitting on his small couch.

Jared grabs two beers, opens one and hands me it. "Yes he can be," He takes a sip of his beer. "The scene was perfect and going so smoothly." He sits next to me. I can't help but look the muscle in his arm that was close to brushing up on mine.

"It really was," I take a drink of my beer. "Our characters were about to have an amazing moment." I glance at Jared who's looking at me with those same eyes he was giving me on set.

"They can still have that moment," I see Jareds hand slide towards mine and without thinking I take hold of it. "Just without a camera." He adds taking his thumb and rubbing it my hand.

I blush and smile. "They totally can," I manage to out in a whisper.

Jared starts to lean in towards me. My heart is racing so I take a deep breath and close my eyes. Jared's head meets mine and he rests there breathing deeply. He's as nervous as me. I open my eyes and see he's staring deep into them. It's like my soul connects with his. It feels right. It's perfect. Licking my lip, I tilt my head up and press my lips to his.

The moment that they touch, every part of my body turns to jello. Jared lets go of my hand to cup my face and hold it to his. When his tongue pushes pass my lips and starts to explore my mouth, the beer bottle in my hand slips out of my hand and onto the floor with a loud clang. I pull back to pick it up but Jared pulls me back to him.

"Don't worry about that," I hear him set his beer down and use that hand to pull me onto his lap. Both legs rest on either side of his. I feel his erection pressing through his jeans and mine. I relax more of my weight and roll my hips against his. With a small but deep growl, Jared's lips land on mine again. Picking me and setting me on the small trailer counter.

I wrap my legs around him to keep him between me. I feel him press himself firmly into my jeans and I can feel how wet I am already for him. I moan into his mouth as he does it again. Jared pulls back and whips his shirt off. I do the same and unclasp the bra I am wearing. "You like what you see?" I ask as Jared stares at bare chest.

"Do I?" He leans in and brushes his lips from my cheek to my ear where he nips just below. I suck in a deep breath. "I fucking think it's beautiful." He wraps his arm around me and carries me to his bed where he plops me down on the bed. He stares down at me as he takes his pants off. "Now, why don't we see how quiet you can be while I fuck you hard into this mattress."

84 notes · View notes

mcwriting · 5 years ago

Text

Starstruck (6)

IT’S FINALLY HERE! After revision after revision, I’m done with ch 6! Thank you to everyone who has been soooo patient with me! I’ve finally found a groove with this story and am super motivated to finish. I promise the next chapters will actually include more of Tom and get us into the story resolve!

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9

Fandom: Tom Holland

Ship: Tom Holland x Reader

Setting: LA area

Word Count: 1863

Warnings: some “bad” words as usual

Rating: Meh. K+

__________________________________

Days later you finally drove yourself to dance, even though it was only a short walk from home

It was a necessary evil to avoid the paps trying to harass you.

The studio would be full today, but you couldn’t keep skipping class. You talked to your instructor privately to ask that she help keep the class from getting “distracted” by your situation.

You were there pretty early and entered the large room to pick a spot on the barre and start warming up. As the time for class neared, students trickled in.

Some of your friends came to give a hug and say they were happy to see you, but the others just wanted to grill you. You ignored them and stayed silent, exchanging awkward looks with your closer friends.

Class went somewhat smoothly, if you forgot every time someone tried to pull you aside during a water break to squeeze info out of you.

By the end, you were tired and drained and ready to go home.

It wasn’t until you’d already begun to step out the door that someone tried to warn you about the paparazzi and journalists outside.

You were immediately overwhelmed by people rushing forward, shouting out questions and statements. Shocked, you stood completely still as cameras snapped and microphones were shoved in your face.

Obviously, someone had told them you were here, and unfortunately you knew they would be able to follow you home.

Parents, teachers, and classmates kindly came to your aid, surrounding you to help push through the crowd to your car.

You dreaded walking towards it and willingly giving away what your vehicle looked like to them because if they happened to capture your license plate number (which was very plausible) they could find you easily.

As the people supporting you tried moving you forward, you finally sucked up your fears and stepped with them, head held high. You wouldn’t let yourself get caught looking dejected over a stupid, selfish celebrity.

It took a while to drive out of the lot because you had to avoid the sea of people. It wouldn’t look great for you to hospitalize a reporter because you ran over them.

Even if it was their fault for stepping in front of me? you asked yourself.

YES

Cars were tailgating you, as some of the people had been smart enough to hop in their cars when you did so they could follow you home. A sense of panic tightened your chest when you realized how dangerous this might be.

You wanted to call the cops but figured nothing could stop these story-hungry maniacs from trying to dig up the smallest speck of dirt on you right now and running to the police would make you look weak.

Surely this media storm would end as soon as Kendall Jenner did another Pepsi ad or some rapper got arrested outside the US, right?

Wrong, of course.

Two days later, the tea was that Tom was going from LA to Seoul, and he had been bombarded at LAX with fans and journalists, while others still followed your every move, even going so far as to watching your parents go to work and back.

Tom had pulled the same stunts as you, practically bending over backwards to avoid answering the difficult questions of what had happened. You had to give it to him, he knew what he was doing, but you couldn’t help but feel a fire in your body every time you caught a glimpse of his management team in the background of pictures.

It had been so tiring being silent about the matter that you felt like you were bursting at the seams, and you did the only logical thing you could think of:

Pack a backpack and drive straight to b/f/n’s house.

The only warning you gave was a text saying I’m ready, and I hope you are too.

She responded with the okay hand emoji and you took that as the “good enough” signal to head over.

__________________________________

You knew people had followed you to her house and you would have to apologize for that later, but now you were on the doorstep, nervous to knock.

Before you could reach your hand up, however, the door swung open.

Standing before you was your best friend in the flesh for the first time in the longest week of your life.

She looked at you seriously and then glanced behind you, raising an eyebrow. A small grin crept up your face.

“Sorry about them. They don’t really understand when to leave,” you blurted.

She looked you up and down for a moment, calculating a reply before a smile rose to her own lips.

“Come on, let’s get you inside before they invite themselves in too.”

She shut the door behind you and locked it, and as soon as she turned around you both embraced in a long, much needed hug. You teared up

You were still holding each other when a male voice called out.

“Is that y/n?” her dad asked from the couch.

You pulled away and sniffled.

“In the flesh!” you called.

“Come on, let’s go talk in my room,” b/f/n said, pulling you that way. You waved at her dad and sister as you passed the living room.

Boy did it feel good to be in that house again.

__________________________________

Both of you sat on the floor, backs leaned against the bed, sharing a bowl of chips.

You finished summarizing what had happened from the day you went to the premiere until Tom left the city and you were waiting for her to respond. She had been silently listening the whole time, and now you were silent in your wait, except for the occasional crunch of chips.

It had been a few minutes when she finally turned to you.

“Y/n… why didn’t you tell me?”

Your stomach dropped. Of course she would ask you that. You sighed and leaned your head back.

“I know it was wrong, and I’m sorry for that but, b/f/n, I was scared. I know how much you love Tom and I didn’t want anything to go public… even though that ended up failing. I never wanted to be in the public eye and I was afraid that if I told you, you might accidentally let it slip on twitter or insta.”

“You didn’t think you could trust me?” she accused, rightfully. You turned your head to look her in the eyes.

“It’s not that you aren’t trustworthy, I mean, you’re my best friend, I tell you everything. The problem is that this was the biggest secret… ever. No one could know, not even you. The only people who knew the extent of what happened were me and Tom. I don’t think he even told his brothers or best friend everything.”

You both sat quietly again, studying each other’s faces.

“So when I came over last week? You lied to me about the car picture?”

You cringed a little, but had to tell the truth.

“Yes. You had just missed him leaving the house, too. That was the morning after he stayed the night.”

“WHAT!” she exclaimed. “You’re telling me I could have met him for real and you’re just telling me now??”

You couldn’t help but let out a laugh.

“I guess if I would’ve just let you meet him I could’ve prevented this whole situation, huh?” you joked.

“Honestly, yeah,” she replied with a smile.

“I’m really sorry that I lied to you and hid all of this.”

B/f/n sighed this time.

“I know I should be mad, but I weirdly understand. If I’m being honest with myself, I probably would have done the same thing. Let’s just promise to be real with each other from now on.”

“Yeah, I like that idea.”

You both leaned over in a hug.

“So, since I need to know everything… where did Tom sleep that night, and are you the reason he liked my post.”

You pulled away.

“First of all, rude that you would ask me about that in my time of need,” you joked, “and secondly, yes I told him to like your post. I told him allllllll about you. Also... we both may have fallen asleep on my bed.”

“YOU SLEPT WITH TOM HOLLAND??” she basically screamed.

You started giggling as you slapped a hand over her mouth.

“Shhhhh! If you aren’t careful there’ll be even worse rumors about me!”

You both spent the night recounting your night with Tom and the other times spent with him, only leaving the room for dinner and more snacks. After your time apart, it was like you were attached at the hips.

For the first time in what seemed like forever, you finally slept soundly, not tossing and turning with the anxiety of days past.

__________________________________

You sat at the dining table with b/f/n, laughing like things were completely normal again.

“Hey I’m gonna grab some more juice, want anything?” you asked, standing up.

B/f/n shook her head and you headed out of the room, beelining it to the fridge.

In the kitchen stood b/f/n’s older sister, Caroline, who was serving herself some pancakes as you pulled the juice bottle out.

“So… Crazy week I presume?” Caroline questioned.

“Like nothing you could imagine,” you replied.

Caroline was only a couple years older than you and b/f/n, but she had been a confidant for you many times when it came to things like relationships or just more mature topics. She also was getting her PhD in psychology, which came in handy for advice and discernment about different situations.

“Yeah, I’m sure. So do you actually hate him or are you secretly in love with him now?” she deadpanned, causing you to almost spill the juice.

“What?” you asked back, flabbergasted.

What kind of question was that? Was this girl out of her mind?

“Oh come on. It’s like the biggest fanfiction cliche of all time, ‘enemies to lovers’? Don’t think that we didn’t all notice that he had been crying in that live. Also you blushed when I said it.”

“Well obviously any normal person is gonna blush when someone says something embarrassing about them!”

“What does he smell like?” she interjected, and this time you were completely taken aback.

“I- WHAT? How is that relevant?”

“Answer the question, y/n.”

“Fine. He wears this Calvin Klein cologne. Hah, my whole room smelled like it for almost a week... Now tell me why that’s relevant.”

“Your eyes lit up and you smiled when you mentioned your room smelling like him. And you blushed again.”

Do I really? you thought. Sure he’s good looking and we had a great time together, but he was such a dick. He broke my heart and ruined my life. How could I like the guy that did that to me?

“I hate psychology.” you eventually replied, earning a laugh from Caroline.

I’m gonna have to do some more thinking on this later you admitted to yourself, carrying your beverage back to the dining room.

__________________________________

Part 7 is done and hopefully coming soon. It’s looking like this is gonna be a 9 or 10 parter. Love you all!

Taglist: @marvel-lously, @jackiehollanderr, @one-big-fangirl, @dreamyvans, @lisannehus, @honeymoonpeter, @shootingstarsaretearsofheaven, @chenellearose

#starstruck #tom holland #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland imagine #tom holland x reader #tom holland dancing #tom holland x y/n #tom holland x you #tom holland fic #spider-man #spiderman #spider man

69 notes · View notes

grasslandgirl · 4 years ago

Note

oooo i sent it more as a fix prompt but also from one adhdhead to another i’m glad we agree!! thinking about sam and peter study dates

ahhhh fvbjsjvkbjf im so dumb i’m sorry i saw “adhd sam” and my brain just yelled YEAH. RADICAL. and that was it kjdvskfj

that being said i’ve been haunted by ricky montgomery’s Line Without a Hook + eldonado since yesterday so........ hmmm.... (oh no this got wildly out of hand)

-----------

Peter threw himself wholeheartedly into anything he worked on. It was just how he was built. Peter was either on or he was off, and it was hard to get him to change course once he was en route. Head down, eyes narrowed, his whole body angled down at his computer like if he got his face close enough to the screen, it would start streaming information right to and from his brain. His hair would flop, unnoticed, into his eyes and he would shove his glasses so far up his nose that Sam would worry he was going to bruise his nose.

All this to say, of course, that study dates were something of an occupational hazard when you were best friends with Peter Maldonado.

And also secretly in love with him.

Well, mostly-secretly. Secretly to Peter, and probably only Peter, because Sam was 90% sure everyone else was in on the secret and knew how hopelessly gone Sam was for his oblivious best friend. Gabi was the only one who ever said anything to him about it, though. So, little victories.

Finals were looming over their heads like a dark storm cloud. Looming on the horizon, fucking with barometric pressure just enough to make everyone jumpy and nervous. Peter worked well under pressure- which was a good thing, because Sam knew Peter put more pressure on himself than anyone else did- but he would always show up the night before a big exam and demand that Sam help him study. It was so commonplace after seven years of friendship that Sam didn’t question it anymore. Mostly.

There was always that small, hopeful, and nervous voice in the back of his head asking why Peter always studied with Sam when he studied just as well on his own. The only answer he could think of was that Peter knew Sam studied better with him there. But that wasn’t- that couldn’t- Sam always shut that annoying little voice down before it spiraled any further.

It didn’t do anyone any good to overcomplicate things that were objectively very simple. Peter liked routine, they were best friends, Sam was the only one who could talk Peter down from an academics-induced panic attack at 2 in the morning the night before a final exam. 2 + 2 = 4. Simple math.

Sam was slumped on his back, halfway falling off his bed with his head and shoulders draped over the side of his mattress. The notebook he was supposed to be reviewing was abandoned, sitting on his stomach. Peter was sitting at Sam’s desk, leaned over and scowling at his laptop.

It was unfair, really, how pretty Peter looked illuminated by the blue-white light of his notes document. Sam had the perfect view of Peter’s upside down profile, all furrowed eyebrows and clenched jaw and dark hair that’d had hands run through it too many times. It was late and Sam’s brain was wrung out and exhausted, only able to focus on Peter’s expression as he mouthed whatever obsolete moment in history he was trying to commit to memory, and the looping chorus of a Carly Rae Jepsen song he’d had stuck in his head for the last two hours.

A big part of being friends with Peter Maldonado was knowing when to draw the line.

“Pete, dude.” Peter looked up, blinking away the lines of notes Sam could almost see in his eyes. “It’s the middle of the night. Either we know it or we don’t at this point.”

“You think we should cut our losses?”

“I know you can survive on three hours of sleep and five cups of coffee, dude, but I can’t.” Sam tapped himself on the forehead. “This baby needs r&r or I can’t fucking function.”

“Right, right. What time is it?”

Sam sat up- an impressive showcase of his abs that Peter didn’t notice, of course- and dug around in his rumpled comforter for his phone. “12:30.”

Peter sighed heavily, tipping his head back against the headrest of Sam’s computer chair. “I should go home.”

“Dude. Just-” Sam was his own worst enemy sometimes- “just spend the night.”

“Yeah? Your moms won’t mind?”

“Nah, I’m pretty sure they assumed that’s what was happening when you showed up after dinner.”

It was probably just a weird reflection from the computer light on one of Sam’s posters onto Peter’s face. There was no way that Peter was blushing.

“Anyway,” he continued, shoving his textbook and notes off of his bed instead of looking at Peter, “I’m gonna drive you tomorrow anyway, right? Saves me a trip.”

Peter closed his laptop with a soft click. “Yeah, sure, if it’s not-”

“It’s cool, dude, don’t be weird. Just two bros-”

“Chilling in a hot tub?”

Sam prayed Peter couldn’t see the hot blush he felt rising to his cheeks. Five feet apart cause they’re not gay. “Whatever you want, dude.”

Peter knew Sam was gay. He was the first person Sam had come out to- followed closely by Gabi and his moms. But there was a difference, Sam was sure, to having your best friend be gay versus having your best friend be gay and in love with you. An invisible line in the sand that would shift their relationship forever. Sam didn’t want to test how that shift would happen. Didn’t want to risk losing his best friend on the off chance that he wasn’t alone.

“Right.” Peter repeated.

They went to bed in pieces: Sam pulling on an old pair of sweatpants and throwing one to Peter, Peter neatly stacking all his notes on one corner of Sam’s desk, Sam kicking all his schoolwork to the edges of his bedroom floor as opposed to the middle of it, Peter brushing his teeth with the same toothbrush he’d kept in the Ecklund house since they were ten, Sam turning off all the lights, Peter wandering back into his bedroom, Peter’s hair turning to gold and ink in the faint streetlight coming in from the window, the two of them curling up back to back in Sam’s bed just like they always did.

And then it was dark and quiet and all Sam could hear was the faint sound of Peter’s breathing beside him. The warmth from Peter’s back mere inches from Sam’s. They’d fallen asleep next to each other a million times, but Sam still felt electric with the proximity. How easy it would be to just- stretch his legs out and wind his feet with Peter’s, to flip over and press his nose into the soft place where his hairline met the back of his neck, to whisper something hopeful and mortifying into the still night air and hear Peter’s breath catch in silent response.

Sam stayed still, held himself perfectly motionless lest he finally show his hand. And eventually, they both fell asleep.

-------------------------

Peter woke up surrounded by Sam. The pillow he’d pressed his face into smelled like Sam’s hair and the sheets on his bed were the same tacky Star Wars ones he’d been so proud of in the seventh grade and the bed was warm with Sam’s body next to him. For an instant, Peter let himself consider it: waking up next to Sam like this every day. Falling asleep with his arms wrapped around Sam and waking up with his head on his chest.

He squeezed his eyes shut against the glaring dawn light, and against the daydream that quickly threatened to spin out of control. He could still hear Sam’s sleep heavy breathing behind him.

Slowly, Peter sat up in bed, pushing his hair out of his face and scrounging the nightstand as quietly as he could for his glasses. He allowed himself a single glance at Sam- sleep soft and sprawled out on the bed, his hand inches from where Peter’s shoulder had been, like he’d been reaching out in his sleep- before standing up and grabbing his phone from where he’d left it charging on the desk.

“Sam.” Peter poked his shoulder. “Sam.”

He groaned incoherently, but rolled over, which was a good sign.

“You have to get up, dude.”

“Breakfast?” Sam mumbled.

“Yeah,” Peter laughed a little, “I’m sure your mom’s making breakfast.”

“Urrgghhh.”

Peter grabbed the clothes he’d left in the corner the night before and pulled an old t shirt out of Sam’s closet. “I’m stealing a shirt.”

“Oh,” Sam said, half sitting up and blinking the sleep out of his eyes. “Yeah- good, okay.”

“I’m gonna go-” Peter gestured weakly towards the door, and beyond it, the bathroom. Sam peered up at him, the light from the window hitting his face in a single pane, like something out of a sun-soaked French movie. Like this was the moment where one of them broke the uncertainty, the silence. Peter could see the scene unfolding in his mind’s eye, like he’d seen it a hundred times. He’d say something like, did you sleep well? And Sam would answer, better with you here, and Peter would oh-so-slowly close the distance and drop his jeans to the floor and Sam would arch up and meet him halfway and the camera would pan away, leaving them both washed in the golden early-morning light. “Bathroom. I’m gonna go to the bathroom.” Peter said, and closed the bedroom door behind him.

He splashed water on his face and combed through his hair with his fingers, throwing on yesterday’s jeans and Sam’s t shirt under his sweatshirt and hoping it wasn’t obvious to anyone else how badly Peter wished every morning could be like this.

He left the bathroom quickly and perched on the edge of Sam’s bed, scrolling through twitter while Sam did his hair in the bathroom.

Breakfast was quiet and normal and filled with the usual mini-dramas in the Ecklund house. Kara didn’t want PB&J for lunch and one of Sam’s moms left the flat iron on in their bathroom and Leah almost burned the eggs and Sam spent half of breakfast finishing the math homework he’d almost forgotten he had.

Sam drove them both to school early for the Morning Show, laughing and singing along to his “perfectly composed drive to school playlist,” and the rest of the day went on normally. He took his history test and saw Sam in math class and they sat with Ming and Randall and Phil at lunch.

But all the while, Peter couldn’t shake the feeling that something had shifted. He’d had... feelings for Sam for a while, unquantifiable and nebulous. He’d categorized them all: the way his stomach twisted when Sam smiled at him crookedly, the skipped beat of his heart when Sam slung his arm around Peter’s shoulders, how his hands got clammy when he caught Sam watching him out of the corner of his eye, how he always found ways to hangout during and after school. But he’d never dared to name the feeling. Defining it meant- meant he should do something about it. Made it real.

But that morning, waking up next to Sam, borrowing his t shirt to wear to school, falling asleep next to each other- they were all things they’d done a million times before. Peter’s chest ached with the normalcy, the domesticity of it.

Peter’s fingers itched to try and piece it all together, his feelings and Sam’s and their history together. String it all together on a corkboard until it made sense. But Peter knew it wouldn’t work. Not without Sam there to see the bigger picture in the first place. It’s why they worked so well together; Peter would gather and organize all the information, but Sam was the one that knew how to put it together, knew how to see the forest from the trees in a way Peter never could on his own. Even if he tried to map out the snarl of feelings in his chest, Peter knew he’d be left with a labyrinth of post-its and red string without Sam there to untangle it for him.

Dramatic irony, he supposed.

Peter caught the bus home, Sam had something for theatre after school, and spent the entire ride with his music turned as high as it would go, trying not to think about Sam as he stared out the window.

The problem, Peter realized, with being a self-professed movie lover, is that your brain starts to treat life like a movie. He could imagine a dozen different ways his life could spiral out from this moment, a dozen different movie time-lines he could find himself in. The tragedy, where he never tells Sam and lives his entire life in uncertainty. The drama, where he tells Sam and it tears their friendship apart. The tragic love story, where he and Sam are together and happy until they’re not. The comedy, where Sam laughs him off and they go back to their friendship with a tiny crack between them, spackled over with laughter that’s just a little strained.

The romantic comedy, where everything goes perfect and they ride out into the sunset.

Life wasn’t like the movies, though, nothing ever went as simple or as straightforward or as cinematic. There isn’t a director behind the camera who can call cut and change the scene halfway through. There aren’t any sweeping cinematic shots with atmospheric indie pop playing in the background.

It was just Peter, and Sam, and the creeping uncertainty hanging between them.

Right before dinner that night, Peter got a text from Sam.

sam: thanks for the study help last night, felt good about the test today

sam: don’t stress i know youre freaking out about it too

sam: you did great on the test pete i know it

Peter blinked at his phone, at the unspoken I know you hidden inbetween the lines. Sam knew him better than anyone, knew his habits and his worries and his annoying little tendencies. And he was still there.

And that, Peter realized, said more than anything else.

Love wasn’t a panoramic of a passionate kiss at sunset. It was knowing someone, learning them backwards and forwards, all the good and the bad pieces of them. It was staying, not despite everything, but because of it.

Peter loved him. It was as simple and as complicated as that.

--------------------

The doorbell rang at the end of dinner. Sam rushed to get to the door before his sisters- if he was lucky, it was their batty old neighbor Mrs Gorschtt and she would prattle on for fifteen minutes about her cat, shove a cake into Sam’s hands, and get him out of having to help clean the kitchen.

But when he opened the door, it wasn’t Mrs Gorschtt standing on the front porch, it was Peter.

“Hey, dude, what’s up? We don’t have like a math test tomorrow I blanked on, do we?”

“Huh?” Peter blinked at him, “No, no.”

“So, what’s up?” Sam stepped out onto the porch beside Peter, closing the front door behind him. Maybe he could still get out of washing the dinner dishes.

“Uh- so, the thing is-” Peter muttered, twisting one of the strings from his hoodie between his fingers. Sam’s stomach dropped; something was wrong. Peter was nervous, uncertain about something. He wasn’t looking Sam in the eye, and he had one arm wrapped around his stomach like a shield. His head started spinning with a million different things Peter could be upset about, but the thing Sam kept coming back to- he knew.

Somehow, Peter had finally figured him out. And he was coming to tell Sam- what? That they couldn’t be friends anymore? That Sam had made it weird?

“Pete-” Sam started, trying to cover his bases, trying to fix this before his best friendship in the world went up in flames.

“You’re the only one who calls me that.” Peter interrupted, finally looking at Sam.

“What?”

“Pete. You’re the only one.”

“I- we’re friends, dude, I’m allowed to have nicknames.” Sam tried to laugh, but it sounded forced, even to his ears.

“I- I know,” Peter’s eyebrows were furrowed, and he was staring at Sam like he was a page of history notes he was trying to memorize. “I got your text.”

“Oh, uh okay.”

“Sammy, I uh, I have to say something, and I want you to promise you’ll let me finish.”

Sam’s stomach dropped even further. Here it was. The end of everything. “Right,” he tried to smile at Peter, “sure dude, whatever you need.”

Peter nodded. “You’ve been my best friend since the fifth grade. You know all of my secrets, all the bad things that I don’t tell anyone else. You know that I don’t like orange-flavored things because I had too much orange-flavored medicine as a child and that I stay up too late studying the night before a test and I panic after I finish taking it. You watch movies I recommend, even though you think High School Musical 2 is the best movie ever made, you- god-” Peter scrubs his hands through his hair, clenching his eyes closed briefly- “this would be so much easier if I could just- you can see the big picture. Like with this you could just- take the words, the discrete pieces of data and put them together. Make it cohesive, coherent. I’m not making sense,” he muttered.

“Pete-”

“I don’t want to just spend the night after study dates.” Peter blurted out abruptly. His face froze, like he wasn’t sure what he just said, like he was terrified Sam was going to misunderstand. “I- I mean. I want to do real dates. With you. And spend the night and wear your clothes and have my hoodies smell like you and watch you spin around in the morning show chairs without having to worry about you catching me and I want to see you without gel in your hair and I want to lean against you when we have movie nights and-”

“Pete.”

“Sammy,” Peter said, kind of breathless. “Go on a date with me.”

“Like a study date?” Sam said, also kind of breathless.

“Like a date-date. Please.”

“Yeah. Yeah, just- come here-” and then Sam’s hands were on either side of Peter’s face and his fingers were in his hair and Peter’s hands were caught in Sam’s sweater and then-

Peter kissed like he didn’t know all the answers, for once, and he was okay with it. Peter kissed like he was memorizing everything about the moment. Peter kissed like he was planning on replaying it like an old video tape, over and over until the tape wore thin and tore. Peter kissed like he could hear the orchestra playing behind them, like they were in some cheesy made for tv rom com and were about to get their happy ending.

Peter kissed like Sam was his happy ending.

Finally, they broke apart- more to catch their breath than anything else.

“Hell of a study date,” Sam breathed, unable to stop smiling.

“Shut up.” Peter was smiling, too.

And, leaning back in, Sam did.

16 notes · View notes

graphicabyss · 5 years ago

Text

?人 NEWS

I wrote an enormous post, or rather an essay, concerning NEWS, Tegoshi, and everything that went through my mind in the past month. Honestly, it’s mostly my way of coping, getting it out of my system and sorting out my thoughts and feelings. But I decided to also post it here for those who might want to read.

It was a long time coming. The rumours were lurking around for years and a month ago they bloomed. And yet, the full realization is yet to dawn on me. When something devastating happens, our mind tends to shake off the pain by either exonerating the beloved person who hurt us, or blaming them and distancing away from them. It's really hard to stay objective. But I'll try.

Coming into this fandom, I prepared myself for disappointment. Once I was a TVXQ fan. You know, the 5-nin TVXQ that was going to be "together forever" and all that. So I wowed never to get that invested in a pop band. When NEWS came along, I tried not to get too attached. I knew it would hurt me, sooner of later. And for awhile, it worked. But, as years went by, I knew I lost the battle. We humans need to cling to something. Thus, nearly 7 years have passed.

To me, Tegoshi has always been a key component. He was the one that led me to NEWS. Or rather, how pretty he looked in a dress. Tegoshi always kept me interested. Sometimes he excited, sometimes he annoyed, but he was never ever boring. He was made of contradictions, both in words and in actions. Nothing ever adds up with him. He made me want to understand him but I could never quite grasp it. Thinking about it now, perhaps it was because he doesn't really understand himself either.

In these years, I had several crisis points where I considered leaving the fandom, all caused by something shitty Tegoshi said or did. But every time I bounced back. Of course, I didn't do it for him. I did it for myself. However, his selfishness has always been offset by his kindness. The last time was him crying at the end of Neverland tour and how sorry he looked. Till the end, I wanted to believe that his common sense and loyalty won't let him do something reckless and stupid. Yet, here we are. The interview he gave to Bunshun led me to believe that he would do the right thing. He said he would show his gratitude to JE and would definitely make his fans happy but now it's the furthest thing from the truth. The fandom is disappointed, confused, angry.

Some people say to get over it, that Tegoshi was meant to leave or some shit. But I think those people fundamentally misunderstand the heart of the problem. It's not that he left that infuriated the fandom. It's how and when he left. Most fans would support his decision to leave if the transition was done properly. He owed us that much. A proper apology. A proper gratitude. A proper farewell. The announcement had me in disbelief. I expected him to at least finish the contract, do the Story Tour, no matter how long it takes, and show the members, staff and the fans the respect they deserve. To cut it short feels like a violation. At the very least, we need a closure. The last goodbye. The last concert. The last something. He just left JE after 17 years like it was nothing.

More than anything, what he did seems so stupid. He had it so fucking good. He was always in the spotlight, both on stage and in TV shows. The other members did most of the offscreen work allowing him to shine. He was supported by endlessly patient members and staff. He had the freedom to choose and all the work he wanted for each of his passions - ItteQ, Soccer Earth, OpenRec. And he had fans that always supported him, no matter how many scandals he had.

What was so important that he had to give up on all the amazing benefits he had? To betray all this trust? And on top of it, at a time like this? When all world is going through so much shit? When the fans need moral support more than ever? What were the "dreams" that he talked about?

The ability to rant on Twitter? Making duckface selfies? Fucking around? Assembling a shitty rock band? Performing with strippers? Some kind of unique business opportunity? He talked for years about wanting to perform overseas or hosting fan events but right now these things are offlimit anyway. Why couldn't he at the very least explain his decision properly? Just that alone will definitely hurt his further career in the long run. The press-conference lasted 2 hours but it answered none of the questions that really mattered and there was no remorse. Though at this point, I can't trust anything he says anyway. He created his Twitter account the the evening it all went down and didn't bother explaining himself. He just jumped off the ship and let other people deal with the damage.

Even now, it all seems like some kind of bad dream. Then again, all of the 2020 does.

When I first saw "手越退社" trending on Twitter back in May I felt like I was spinning into a downward spiral, like all air was sucked out of me. And it wasn't the "oh, no! what will the band do?" I never went to a NEWS concert and never brought any merch. To me, it wasn't really the feelings of a fan whose band faces a crisis but rather that of an entrepreneur who invested too much money into one asset and watched it plummet.

Fandom stuff is a currency that can devalue in a blink of an eye. Its valuable as long as its core message is intact. This is why I can't stand people being petty over scans or videos. I share when I can knowing it will make someone happy because I know that tomorrow that someone might move on. When I stumble upon old closed journals with password-protected downloads they feel like ancient abandoned temples. The treasures in them turned to dust.

4nin NEWS were based on unity, the combination of 4 unique characters. Four components, each of them essential. Now that concept failed. It's like standing in front of a collapsed building. I try to assess the damage. How much of it can I salvage? Repurpose? How much is lost and needs to be cleaned up? Should I even bother?

What do I do with hundreds of live performances and TV shows, in HD, lovingly downloaded and stored?

What to make of thousands of scans, magazines, pamphlets, almost each image edited and sorted? Thousands more stored neatly in folders, waiting to be posted. Countless screens and gifs.

What of the member ai fanvideos that gained over 100k on Youtube bringing joy to so many people? I already got the first heartbroken comment saying "we won't ever see them like that again, will we?"

What to make of my unfinished stories? Honestly, it's one of the things I'm most proud in my entire life. Now their future is uncertain.

Do I take down the poster on my wall? The CDs on my shelf? Soon I will have to looks at my enormous stash and decide for each item. Things that once brought joy now cause pain.

NEWS weren't selling music, they were selling ideas and dreams. The cute band photos now cause hurt and anger. The uplifting songs about unity won't be convincing. All the concerts lost their charm.

Am I being too dramatic? Probably. Perhaps the issue itself may seem trivial to an outsider but our grief is real.

Tegoshi keeps saying he loves NEWS and adores the members. But to me, loving is doing everything you can to avoid hurting the ones you love. Perhaps he means it, but that love will never compare to the love he has for himself. Despite what he says, I doubt we'll even see them together again and I'm not even sure I want to. I knew apart from Koyashige, the members aren't really that close personally. Tegoshi is shallow and seeks popularity more than anything. I'm sure than now he'll hang out with even shadier characters than before. The members used to provide him with the much needed tough love. Now, with nothing and noone holding him back, he'll give in to his overblown ego.

I'm not sure how I feel about NEWS continuing as 3. I mean, I support their decision and that's probably what most fans want but to me, I don't know if it'll work out that well. They were already a band with a lot of luggage and now, just like in 2011, they are a band that induces pity. They would have to rearrange so much to try and fill this huge gaping hole. Not to mention they will struggle vocally. No songs, no choreography can be unaltered. It might be better to go on within the agency doing their own things. But then that would just mean Tegoshi was indispensable and all the work they put in will be wasted. The Story must be competed.

In the past week I went through various stages of grief. The anger was strong and so was disbelief. Now it's finally subsiding, giving way to acceptance. It won't come soon but I'll let all the emotions run their course. The fact is Tegoshi remains very entertaining and the temptation to keep following him and rant about him is strong. I probably wouldn't even fight it if he were to leave with at least a shred of dignity. But with the way things are, I refuse to support him in any way. And I will at least try to phase him out as much as I can as I realize that even my anger is playing into his hands as he wants nothing more than attention, good or bad. Instead, I'll try to focus on those who do deserve support.

I'm not yet sure how to proceed with the blog and everything else but I'll take my time and figure it out. The truth is Tegoshi was one of the two major things that have kept me here for so long. And no, the second reason is not Shige. It's the people. Out of all the fandoms I've been in over the years this one really felt like home. I met so many amazing people here, even though many of them have since moved on. I felt accepted and appreciated.

This week has been an emotional roller-coaster. But today I feel fine. I have a dozen reasons to be depressed. But I'm not miserable right now because of the fandom. I've had about 10 people write to me within several days. Some of them I haven't talked to in months, some I've never talked to before, and some from other fandoms. They reached out to share their thoughts and feelings, and I appreciate it so much. I felt less alone. I felt a sense of solidarity, a sisterhood. Many agreed with me and it was touching but even more touching were the people who didn't necessarily agree with me and still wanted to hear what I had to say.

Perhaps it's patronizing but I feel like right now the best I can do is stay connected and go through this together. If I can help others, through informing, making someone smile, or supporting emotionally, it's all worth it.

#musings

30 notes · View notes

mayrinchen · 5 years ago

Text

Lost Love | pjm fanfic pt1

youtube

Pairing: Jimin x Reader

Genre: Angst, fluff

Wordcount: 2,3k

Warnings: indication of masturbation at the end

Summary:

Jimin and you were best friends when you were teenagers. He had to move across the world to pursue his dream career. He promised he'd never forget you and keep in contact, but when was that promise ever kept? 10 years later, after no contact at all, you meet again. But life continued during those 10 years and things changed. Did the ring on your finger destroy your chance of finding true love forever?

Stepping out of the plane was a nice feeling. The warm rays of sunshine were hitting Jimin’s skin and he could finally feel my legs again. After picking up his luggage, he made my way to the taxi and climbed into the backseat. As the driver navigated them to the hotel, he was going to stay at, his eyes roamed the small shops and tall office buildings he once was so familiar with flashing by. Now, 10 years later, they seemed the same but different. New York was the opposite of the small town he grew up in. He knew that New York was going to be louder, bigger and a lot more fast paced than the place he was leaving it for. But boy, did he underestimate it. The first few months felt like living hell, but he fought through it and the hard work didn’t disappoint. Jimin got promoted within 3 months of working at the marketing agency. But achieving success on one side had its sacrifice on the other side. His family and friends barely heard from him anymore. When he finally reached out to his parents again, he insisted on them coming to visit him. Not once did he visit them at home because he loved New York so much, he didn’t want to leave. Or at least that is what he told himself.

Jimin rested his head against the window and spotted a big, white apartment complex with flashy yellow window frames. His stomach dropped at the sight of it. And he immediately remembered the thing that made him hesitant about coming back. But maybe she was long gone - left this small town to start her own adventures somewhere else. But maybe she didn’t.

When they halted at a red light a few moments later, Jimin’s curiosity got the better of him and he turned around to look at the prominent building through the rear window. He wondered how it looked exactly the same as it did when he was a teenager, before it vanished behind the trail of cars behind them.

When they arrived at the hotel, the driver helped Jimin carry his luggage inside and for that he deserved a generous tip, Jimin thought. He still felt incredibly proud that he was wealthy enough to afford to tip people as much as he’s like to. And to afford a five-star hotel like this. The floor looked as if you could ice skate on it, that’s how shiny it was. After thanking the man and checking in he dropped down on the huge bed. Maybe that wasn’t such a good idea considering how white the bed was and how sweaty and disgusting he felt after the 15-hour journey from his apartment in New York to here. But now all he needed was a coffee to get through the rest of the day. Even though he flew first class, he wasn’t able to sleep more than two hours on the plane. His body was way too fidgety and sweaty. Probably just the nervousness of seeing his family again after a long time.

After changing clothes and freshening up a bit, Jimin decided to walk a few blocks to a café he knew all too well. He sighed as he left the suite, the insides of his suitcases were scattered around the place but that was a problem for future Jimin.

As he walked down the street, the soft wind blew through his shirt, cooling his skin from the hot summer sun. Entering the café, the nostalgic sound of a bell rang through his ears and he couldn’t help but smile. It was quite crowded which was expected during lunch time. But Jimin’s internal clock was so off. In New York it would be around midnight. Just the fact that the sun was burning down at the moment made Jimin go crazy.

He stood at the end of the queue and waited for his turn to order. When the last person in front of him stepped out of the way, Jimin looked up from his phone. As he stared into those all too familiar green eyes, his mouth hung open and it took him some seconds to regain himself.

“Jimin?” the older woman behind the counter asked with a similarly shocked expression. He forgot this is where she worked.

“Hye-ja?” Jimin smiled, putting a hand on the counter. “Nice to see you again.”

“I can only give that back. Look at you! You’ve grown up to be a very handsome young man.”

“Thank you,” he said while scratching the back of his neck. A customer appeared next to him and asked if he could have extra sugar for his coffee. Hye-ja immediately handed him a pack and wished him a good day with a smile on her face. The guy returned the smile and made his way back to his seat.

“Still making costumers’ days better from behind the counter, huh?” Jimin smirked, an eyebrow raised.

“Of course! You know I love it,” she grinned while preparing three drinks at once.

“And you’re the best at it,” Jimin smiled back at her before looking around the café. He felt uncomfortable. Not because he hasn’t seen her in a long time but because he vanished without even saying goodbye. He knew she didn’t hate him because she was too nice for that. But at the least, she was disappointed. Because when he left, he hurt one person in particular.

“How is your daughter?” he mumbled hesitantly, avoiding eye-contact. The older woman sighed before stopping to dry the mugs and propped herself up on the counter. Her eyes darted to Jimin’s. The reflex to look away was fighting hard but Jimin forced himself to look back at her. He was not going to run away from his problems. Again.

“Jimin…” she started softly. “She doesn’t hate you. You hurt her and you know that. I don’t blame you but you could’ve at least called from time to time. She wasn’t the only one who missed you,” Hye-ja smiled at him but he didn’t miss the sadness hiding behind it. He sighed before opening his mouth again.

“Does she… does she know-“

“That you are back?” she raised an eyebrow at him and continued when she received a nod from the younger boy.

“Yes, she heard. I’m sure she’ll be happy if you talk to her,” she handed Jimin his café and he handed her the money. Jimin nodded at her, a forced smile on his face.

But before he could say goodbye and turn away, Hye-ja stopped him.

“But it has been 10 years, Jimin. And things changed. Remember that,” she said, a smile planted on her face that didn’t reach her eyes. What did she mean by that, Jimin thought. But before he could question it, the woman had already turned her attention back to her work, only mumbling a ‘Have a nice time’. Jimin thanked her and without another word, left the building.

----

As the thoughts in his head became too loud for Jimin to bear, he decided to take a nap. But he didn’t intend to wake up over 10 hours later. The sun had long vanished behind the horizon and his jeans were getting uncomfortable. After he had unpacked both of his suitcases, he changed into comfier clothes before sliding back into bed and turning on the TV. It must have been long past 2 am when Jimin remembered that he hadn’t told his parents yet that he had arrived safely. Grabbing his phone from the bed side table, he sent his mom a quick text, telling her that he was going to visit them later that day. He then opened Instagram, mindlessly scrolling through it. And before he could stop himself, curiosity got the better of him and he typed her name into the search bar. Still private.

But you changed your profile picture.

Shaking the thoughts out of his head, he decided that it was time to go back to sleep again. He was getting teary-eyed from the brightness of his phone and the TV.

----

Getting up the next morning at 6 am wasn’t easy but falling back asleep was impossible at this point. He was definitely feeling the jetlag and a headache creeping up behind his eyes. After an hour of scrolling through Instagram and Twitter, he ordered breakfast to his room, and ate it while switching through the program on the TV.

Jimin then decided that going for a run would be a great way to pass some time. On his run, he explored several small parks that were scattered around his area. A lot of which he knew but some he had never seen before. Tons of people were outside, enjoying the cosy weather. Not too hot, not too cold. Towards the end of the jog, Jimin realized that running with a full stomach was not one of his wisest decisions. Maybe a tea might help. Stopping in front of the same coffee shop, he visited yesterday, Jimin wondered if entering all sweaty and out of breath was such a good idea. But on the other side, he couldn’t care less. The only thing that made him hesitant was the back of someone’s head that looked oddly familiar. The female, he was inspecting from the outside, was talking to an employee. When she finally turned around, Jimin’s breath hitched in his throat. A person that passed him by, gave him a strange look, but Jimin ignored him. He would recognize that smile anywhere. A long time ago, he was the cause of that smile many times.

There you were. The reason why he was so hesitant to come back. You were chatting with your mom, a huge grin on your face. You haven’t changed a lot. You got prettier, more mature and you were still here. Thank god. Jimin stood there, frozen, just staring at you. He must have looked like a total creep. But when you turned to your right and waved at your mom, heading towards the exit – to Jimin, his heart started pounding in his chest. He quickly turned his back towards you and fished his phone out of his pocket, almost dropping it because of how shaky his hands were.

The ring of the bell and the clicking of heels on the pavement were letting him know that right now, you were standing next to him. He elevated his gaze from his phone and stopped at your side profile. You were staring down at your phone just like he was, furrowing your eyebrows. The difference was that you weren’t just pretending, trying to avoid your past.

And then your gaze shifted from your phone to your right and then to your left and from there, in the corner of your eye, you noticed him. Your eyes met his and they widened for a millisecond before your head snapped back forward. You were searching your surroundings for something.

“Y/N,” Jimin spoke, costing him all the courage he had. You closed your eyes for a second before turning on your heels and looking at him.

“Hi,” you said shortly. Jimin stared at you before his gaze flickered to the floor, then to the cars driving by, to everywhere but you. You on the other side stared him down. You felt anger, confusion, disappointment and so many more feelings when looking at him.

“I’m back,” he mumbled while scratching the back of his neck. Good. He feels awkward. He should.

“I can tell,” you stated. “Only took you 10 years.”

Jimin’s eyes met yours again. But when he noticed the ice stare you gave him, his head turned to the side, looking through the glass of the café. You followed his glance and noticed your mom looking back at you. Sighing, you turned back around and searched the street for your ride.

“Y/N, can we maybe meet up for a coffee and just… talk?”

“Talk?” you looked over your shoulder to raise an eyebrow at him. This time he held your stare and nodded. Another groan left your throat. Then the black car you were so desperately waiting for, finally showed up.

“We are invited to dinner at your parents’ house tonight. I’m pretty sure they don’t mind seeing you after all this time, anyways,” you told him before opening the car door and getting into the car. One more glance towards Jimin who was still inspecting you, before slamming the door shut and motioning for your driver to go.

Jimin watched the car drive off before slumping his shoulders and exhaling. He wasn’t aware of how tense his body had been while talking to you. As he looked back into the coffee shop, he noticed your mother still staring. When she noticed Jimin, she immediately went back to work. Dinner. Tonight. I wanted to visit my family today, anyways. Glad to know they are still close.

Jimin’s desire for a tea was now long gone and he decided to walk back to the hotel. He jumped into the shower as soon as he came back. The warm water was hitting his skin and helped him relax. Your face was still on his mind and he replayed your conversation over and over again. You were cold towards him and he couldn’t blame you. It was your right after everything he had done to you. You were still so fucking gorgeous. As Jimin closed his eyes, you were the only thing on his mind. Slowly a warm feeling spread through his lower body and he couldn’t help but slide his hands down his body. Soft whimpers left his mouth as he touched himself to the image of you. His mind and body screamed at him to stop. But he couldn’t. He was too weak. He hadn’t been touched in such a long time and seeing you today, looking so good it should be illegal, didn’t help. As a shudder took over his body, he slumped back against the shower wall. When he caught his breath again, he felt guilty. He didn’t deserve to feel this away about you. Not after leaving you to yourself for 10 years after he promised he’ll stay in contact.

#bts #jimin #park jimin #jimin x reader #bts x reader #jimin fluff #jimin angst #jimin fanfic #bts fanfic #jimin fanfiction #bts fanfiction #bts angst #bts fluff

46 notes · View notes

robinrunsfiction · 5 years ago

Note

can we get a sequel to the lonely road? maybe the reader deletes their Twitter account and the haters are tweeting how weak they are and such and gee steps in on Twitter and all his socials talking about it and how happy he is and that everyone putting the reader down wasn't truly a fan because they weren't respecting her and how happy she made him? just gee stepping in and defending the reader

The Lonely Road Part 2 - Home Again

Pairing: Gerard Way x Female ReaderRating: Teen (for online bullying)Requested By: Three separate anonsWord Count: ~1,500Author’s Note: Holy smokes guys! Three separate anons all looking for part two of this story?! That make me feel so good as a writer! And the best part is that everyone seemed to have the same idea I did, as I had basically pulled that part out of part one to keep it from getting too long and rambling. Kinda like this note is getting. Ok on to the story!

Gerard flew back to LA later that day and your tour continued on. The next few stops were much better, thanks in part to the refreshing visit with Gerard and a day off that everyone sorely needed, but also Christine getting much more stern with the interviewers about the questions they would be asking.

Having removed the Twitter app from your phone was proving to be incredibly helpful for your mental health, however it wasn’t silencing the constant stream criticism and hate from Gerard’s so-called fans. The longer you maintained your silence, the more vicious the tweets became.

I hope @(YFN)(YLN) bus crashes

Hey @mikeyway is (YN) as aweful as she seems?

can we just cancel her fo existing? #(YN)iscancelledparty

A couple weeks later, the tour was over and you were rolling back into LA. Christine drove you home and debriefed you on what you would be doing in the coming weeks, but most importantly you had a few days off. All you could think of was getting home and meeting up with Gerard, but when you finally arrived, a familiar car was already waiting in the driveway.

“Gee!” You squealed, jumping out of the passenger seat as soon as the car had stopped moving. You ran up to him and jumped in his arms as he spun you both around. “Ugh the last two weeks were the longest yet!”

“I know, I missed you so much,” he said, setting you back down before planting a big kiss on you.

You weren’t aware of how long you had been lost in Gerard’s kiss until you heard Christine clearing her throat behind you.

“Sorry to interrupt this lovely reunion, you two really are the cutest I swear, but (YN) you wanna get your dirty laundry out the back seat of my car?” Christine asked snidely.

You pulled back and rolled your eyes as you went to retrieve your things.

“Thanks again for coordinating everything so I could come out and see (YN),” you heard Gerard say to Christine.

“Happy to help. I’ll get outta here so I’m not interrupting any further,” she said with a wave. “Oh and don’t forget (YN), meeting on Tuesday at 11 AM.”

“Got it,” you said, waving her off as Gerard helped to carry your bags inside the house. “Ugh, finally it’s just you and me again,” you said, draping your arms over Gerard’s shoulders as he put his hands on your waist, kissing you sweetly.

“My favorite place to be,” he smiled. “What do you wanna do first?”

“Honestly? I’m starving, can we order some lunch? And then eat it in bed? And just stay in bed for like the rest of the day?“

“That sounds great,” Gerard laughed.

The next morning Gerard invited you to go along with him to the studio to sit in on My Chem’s recording session.

”(YN)! How was touring?“ Ray greeted you with a warm hug.

"Ugh, it was a real learning opportunity,” you laughed and rolled your eyes.

“Gee told us you were having some trouble with the internet. That’s why I just stay away from it,” Ray shrugged.

“You probably got the right idea,” you replied as Mikey and Frank walked in.

“Hey (YN), welcome back,” Mikey said, exchanging a look with Frank.

“Yea… what was that about?” You replied, narrowing your eyes as you lookied between the two of them.

“Nothin,” Frank replied. “I gotta get in there and get this riff recorded before I lose it,” he said, hurrying into the recording booth. Ray turned his attention to talking to the producer about what Frank was doing, leaving you with the brothers.

“Mikey, what was that look you gave Frank?” Gerard pressed.

“Yea, spill it,” you chimed in.

Mikey sighed. “I went on twitter for the first time in a while and there were all these messages directed at me asking why you weren’t on there, if you were too scared and weak to face the fans, if I liked you dating Gee, if Gee was happy, asking me to break you guys up so Gee and Frank can be together,” he said rolling his eyes.

“For fucks sake,” Gerard muttered, running his hand through his hair.

“Did you reply?” You asked, your voice barely coming out as a squeak. You were so sick of this response when your music career was just barely taking off. What if you achieved the level of success you once dreamed of, what would the criticism be like then? And what if Gerard got sick of dealing with you and the drama that seemed to follow you at every turn.

“Nah, I’m not gonna dignify that shit with a response. But for the record, I love you and Gee together,” he smiled reassuringly.

“Well I’ve fucking had it,” Gerard snapped as he pulled his phone out of his jacket pocket.

“What are you doing?” You asked.

“Shutting this down. These people claim to be fans, but can’t show a shred of respect to you, me, Mikey, Frank, Jamia, any of us. It ends today.”

You glanced at Mikey, who shrugged and joined Ray listening to Frank play. Gerard quickly slipped deep into thought as he typed furiously at his phone. You turned your attention to Frank’s playing as well until you felt a tap on your shoulder.

“Wanna go for a walk?” Gerard asked.

“Sure,” you replied with a smile as you got up and followed him out of the studio. It was a warm, sunny day, perfect for being outside instead of cooped up in a soundproof, windowless room. Gerard’s hand found yours as you wandered down the street, eventually stopping at a small cafe with big planters of bright flowers surrounding their outdoor seating area.

“This place is so cute,” you commented between sips of your iced coffee when you found a table.

Gerard nodded in agreement, before sliding his chair closer to yours. “I wanna get a photo,” he said, holding up his phone as he leaned in and placed a kiss on your cheek and you laughed with delight. Before you knew it, you and Gerard were practically having a full-on photo shoot, taking photos on your phones of each other, and both of you together. You were laughing and having a wonderful time until two people in business attire shot you a withering glance as they sat down at one of the other tables to begin their meeting.

As Gerard’s laughter died down, he started scrolling through the photos. “This is the one,” he said.

“What?” You asked, looking up from your own collection of photos.

“One sec,” he said, concentrating on his phone for a moment. “Ok, umm, so I want you to read this caption before I post it on instagram. You’re the most important person in the world to me and I love you. I’m so sick of how you’re being treated online, so I hope this shuts it down.”

When you took his phone, you looked at the photo he had selected and edited a little. You were laughing, holding your coffee, the bright flowers behind you providing the perfect backdrop as the sun shone down, but your heart pounded in your chest as you scrolled down and began to read:

It frustrates me that I even have to write this, but it’s overdue. For weeks and months now, I’ve tried to ignore the near constant barrage of hate and vitriol being spewed toward someone who is so important to me. I’ve said before that (YN) brings so much happiness and love to my life, she’s someone that I’ll be with forever if I’m lucky.

But when every day I have to see and hear that people are questioning how much joy she brings me, saying vile things to and about her, it makes me sick. No one deserves that. And the fact that it’s being done in the name of supposedly protecting me is unacceptable. Disrespect is unacceptable and that’s not what being a fan is.

To everyone who has shown (YN) love and support with her new album, or at the very least treated her respectfully, thank you. I appreciate it so much.

To my love (YN), I am so sorry that I didn’t do this sooner. You’re the most talented, beautiful, thoughtful, loving woman I’ve ever met. Never let them steal what makes you wonderful. I’m here for you always.

You glanced up at Gerard, your eyes welling up with tears. “Thank you,” you said softly.

“I mean it, I’m so sorry I didn’t step in sooner. I thought if we ignored it, they’d shut up and go away, not get worse.”

“It’s ok, there was no way of knowing,” you shrugged. “Maybe this will get someone to think twice. And I think we’ll all be better off if we take a break from Twitter. That’s where the worst of it seems to be.”

“You’re right,” Gerard nodded. “I really love you (YN),” he said with a gentle smile.

“I love you too. And thank you for everything you do for me,” you said as you leaned in and sweetly placed a kiss against his lips.

#Anon #gerard way x reader #gerard way fan fic #gerard way fan fiction #gerard way imagine #my chemical romance fan fic #my chemical romance fan fiction

63 notes · View notes

cncofantasias · 5 years ago

Text

Justice - Christopher Velez:

Chapter 3: Tainted

Summary: You’ve dated your boyfriend Christopher Velez for 2 years and even now that you guys have been together for so long, there was still so much stuff Christopher refused to tell you. That is until Christopher gets arrested for the murder of a man named Zabdiel de Jesus. As the trial against Christopher goes on you learn things about him that you never thought he was capable of. Y/n is fighting between the Christopher who was her loving and adoring boyfriend and the man who’s committed so many awful crimes.

Chapter 1 Chapter 2

The summer of 2017 was that of one that made me believe I could have it all.

The summer of 2017, as I remember it, was the time in my life where the feeling of being completely & utterly content with the way my life was going... washed over me.

Although I’d struggled living in a studio that had the toilet practically attached to the kitchen, a studio that didn’t just have one lock but 4. I was doing it and that was what made me proud despite my circumstance.

I was a 20 year old adult living by myself , driving my own run down car, and working a job that although wasn’t the best, nor the easiest; but it paid the bills.

Most people had moved out of their parents house by the time they turned 18 or by the time they graduated. I didn’t exactly have that luxury because most of my life consisted of taking care of my parents. Not the other way around as it should be. Meeting Christopher that summer wasn’t what changed my summer into being the best summer I’d ever had. I wasn’t the kind of girl to swoon over a guy, in fact I rejected Christopher plenty of times before deciding to give him a chance.

In my 20 year old mind, I was rebelling against love because I refused to let any man into my life until I was certain of who I was and until I took care of my education, my career first. I didn’t want any man coming into my life and shifting my focus from my ambitions to be all about them. I refused to live that life; I’d seen it one too many times in my friends and my own family.

However, despite being this independent don’t need anybody kind of woman, I remember it was the beginning of July in 2017 when I’d decided to go out to an early Fourth of July party at my friend’s house. I’ve always been an antisocial, keep to myself sort of girl but since I was 20 at the time I wanted to experience, even a small grain of salt, of that highly talked about roaring party girl twenties.

•••

“Some of it is ugly, was any of it real? Is every memory I hold of you, every part of you that I thought I knew going to be tainted with the truth?”

There weren’t many times when I’d see her like this. She was a confident, ‘I’m fake fine’ kind of woman and to know that she’d now began doubting todos los mementos que teníamos juntos (all the moments we’ve had together). It hurt my heart.

“I guess that’ll be up to you to decide bebe.”

Her silence filled the air, she didn’t have to speak because I’d known her like the back of my palm by this point. She had nothing to left to say because she was too busy thinking; which was usually how our conversations would go, and even our arguments. She was a thinker, an analyzer before she was a conversationalist.

“I remember when I first saw you at that 4th of July party. I kept looking at you and wondering how I was ever going to go up to a girl like you and not embarrass myself to the point of no return. I remember mentally preparing myself to go up to you and just when I felt like I was ready to at least introduce myself to you-“ I chuckled to myself a coy smile playing on my face. I was slightly flustered to ever truly to admit to Y/N, the love of my life, that when it came to her, I was a lost puppy. When it came to her all my player moves and cheekiness was an act that fell away and got lost. She’d made me so infatuated with her that I was intimidated to talk to her.

“I remember I was walking up to you like in one of those romantic movies you always like to watch; and as soon as I got up to you I forgot everything I was gonna say.” A small smile grew on her lips thinking of the moment.

“And you just stood there staring at me with your hands in your pockets. I remember thinking what is this guys problem,” we both laughed at this, the tension broken over our fond little remembrance.

“Till finally I said, h-h-hi my name is Christopher,” I stuttered the same way I did back then in that moment just to see if I could get another crack of a smile out of her and perhaps even a giggle. Fortunately, for my own pride, it worked.

“And I don’t know how but I somehow managed to find my charm again to talk to you for the rest of the night.”

“That’s not how I remember it my love.”

I couldn’t help but admire her, her little smirk played on her face. It was like the Y/N I’d known before all of this happened, and for a minute I think we both forgot the real reason we were sitting here in our house at the coffee table trenching up the past. I wanted her to remember the good parts first before I told her the next part that I was sure would leave her in disappointment.

“Oh yeah, how do you remember it then bebe?”

“It wasn’t exactly charm that you were laying on.”

“But in the end of everything, it worked didn’t it bebe. I got the girl I wanted to begin with.”

“Only because you were persistent. I remember at the end of the night you asked me for my number. I told you I don’t give my number out—“

“So I told you that I’d settle for Snapchat-“

“Or instagram”

“Or even a twitter or an email if thats what it took”

“And I still told you that I wasn’t looking for anybody nor anybody that said they wanted to be friends but then persisted at a dating relationship.”

“I remember laughing so hard when you told me that, I felt like I’d been caught in my own lie,”

“That’s cause you were my love.”

“Fair enough bebita, so I said that if what it took to ever see you again was to write you hand written letters and send it to you by a messenger bird; that I’d find a way.”

She looked down blushing, “and when we said goodbye, you said ‘no I’ll see you later’.”

“I was right on my word.”

“Christopher what does this have to do with your case?”

I looked down, ashamed, I wasn’t quite ready to reveal the truth to her but I knew at some point or the other she’d learn the truth. The only difference in the way she’d learn that truth, is that I wanted it to come me and my own perspective before anyone else’s. The people on the stand would paint me as a monster, the villain to any superhero, the scum of the earth. If I let it us go on without any confession of the truth by my own word; then I’d lose her forever and she’d see me in that light, the villain. I could handle the whole world and their mothers thinking I truly was a monster; but not my Y/N.

“After that night that I met you something terrible happened; earlier that day I’d had some trouble with another gang that was undermining me to steal my customers and pin my own people against me. I had a conference with the guy in charge of that gang, his name was Richard and he’s the head of Los Diablos. By the end of the conference it was in my own understanding that we were in a pack to stay out of each other’s way. But that night, Richard and his gang caught me when I too comfortable. They’d been following my moves that whole day and when they saw I was alone leaving the party. They pulled up next to me at a stoplight and shot a round into my car... 3 bullets hit me and I was in the hospital for a while, but as you can see amor I’m alive.” I’d been trying to lighten the mood, to make her see that I’m still the same man she met before.

“Once I got out of the hospital, I had two things that I had to do: one being that I had to take down Los Diablos in any way possible, and two I had to see you again. The whole time I was at the hospital I’d been thinking about our conversation and how insightful, intelligent you were. Which is what led to me being persistent and finding out from some of my homeboys that you worked at that diner on bleaker street...”

She nodded by the look on her face I could tell that her mind had suddenly been registering and putting some pieces together. “The day you came into the diner it’d been raining and you came in soaking wet. I remember the hostess that sat you had told me that you specifically asked for me and she told winked at me telling me to get some. And when I walked up to you and started looking at you. I realized you were the guy from the party. That day you told me your car had broken down and you were stuck in the rain. That you had waited in the rain as they finished towing your car and taking it to the auto shop. You said that you walked over to the diner and that’s why you were soaking wet. That wasn’t true was it.”

“It wasn’t.”

She scoffed at me, and now we both knew that every memory I was about to trench up...

Would in one way or the other be denounced with the truth. That night the truth was that I’d done something I knew she’d be mortified to hear. I don’t know why out of all the places in the world, I decided to go to her diner that day, I’d known she worked there for some time from the information my boys told me. At one point I felt that she was better off never knowing me so I didn’t bother to go their sooner, because I’d only drag her into my mess. But, that night after having realized what I’d done and what had happened... I needed the same comfort she’d brought me that night at the party and I found myself at her diner. Soaked but eager to see her.

——————————————————————————

Chapter 1 Chapter 2

Dear all you spectacular readers,

I hope you enjoy this chapter I’d struggled creatively on what to write next but it’s finally here the 3rd chapter and I promise not to make you guys wait too long for the fourth I’m actually brainstorming of where to go from here so although I won’t make promises my goal is to have the fourth one up by next weekend same day, Sunday. So stay tuned and I don’t know if you guys really want me to add a tag list I’d be more then happy to do so. Thank you so much for reading and all your lovely support. Te amo a todos!

#cnco #cnco fanfic #christopher velez #christopher velez imagines #cnco chris #cnco imagine #cnco imagines #cnco x reader #imagines

42 notes · View notes