#i mostly just react to bad takes online (and no i have no interest in directing anyone @ anyone) and beefing with grifters

[edwardseymour]

you’re basically the only tudor fandom blog i follow and it’s so fun to see the fandom drama with NO context at ALL 😭

you're not missing much tbh

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Paradigm Shift 6

Warnings: this fic will include elements, some dark, such noncon/dubcon, and other untagged triggers. Please take this into account before proceeding. It is up to curate your online consumption safely.

Summary: you get transferred to a new position but it’s hardly a breath of fresh air. (plus!reader)

Characters: Loki, Bucky Barnes, this reader is known as Billie.

Author’s Note: Please feel free to leave some feedback, reblog, and jump into my asks. I’m always happy to discuss with you and riff on idea. As always, you are cherished and adored! Stay safe, be kind, and treat yourself💜

💼Part of the Bad Bosses AU💼

You sit against the wall as the important people line the edges of the desk. Swiveling, toying with ballpoint pens, tapping on flat tablet screens. You're the only assistant there and it's made more obvious as you're the only one not invited to sit with the VIPs.

The executives go down their agendas. Boasting mostly about their numbers, others using flowery language to hide their less than stellar results, and some posturing rather than sharing anything of value.

Odinson looks less than interested. His eyes stray now and again to the walls. The glass is covered by the drawn blinds which he seems to forget as his mind arounds. He must have found a new distraction. You got out just in time.

He cracks his neck, "very well. Submit your numbers as usual. I'll be in touch with those I need to be."

He stands and struts to the door as the rest of the table look at each other. They're put off by the suddenness of his dimissal. Ellie was still presenting her budget.

"Billie, a word."

It's your turn to be surprised. As the other suits pack up or lounge and swipe at their phone, only two gazes react to the command. Barnes and Laufeyson turn to watch you stand. This is treacherous.

Barnes tilts his head and Laufeyson squints. Like a wolf and a snake, measuring their prey. Well, you will not be devoured so easily.

You cross the office and follow Odinson out. He doesn't look ahead, rather cranes to focus on something, or someone you can't pick out. He stops short and you hit his back.

"Ah, uh, oh," he spins to face you and plants his hand on the wall, his other pushing back his stands of blond hair. "Am I in your way, darling?"

"Hm? No, you told me--"

"Ah, yes, yes," he chuckles raucously, "be assured, I had good reason," he leans in and looms over you, "my brother, tell me your thoughts."

"Erm, well, it's not been very long," you reply.

"You are a clever girl, Bill, tell me."

"He is good with numbers and I think he's well-placed. He and Barnes could be productive but I think Logistics needs--"

He raises his head and searches the bull pen. He huffs and stands straight, turning on his heel.

"You will keep notes for me on this matter," he demands. "Be off, before he is about one of his moods."

He strides away without your reply. You wouldn't have anything nice to say anyway. That was abrupt and odd. As for his last remark, you're not sure which of your bosses he refers too.

You march back toward the conference room with your laptop under your crossed arms. As you approach, Laufeyson steps into your path, no doubt having observed your conversation. Before you can tell him to move, he winces and steps away from the door as Barnes rescinds his thick finger from his jab in his cohort's ribs.

"For someone so skinny, you make a hell of a wall," Barnes snips.

"I am lean, not--" Laufeyson sighs and shakes his head, turning back to you. "What did my brother want?"

"Yes, what did the big bad want?" Barnes stands shoulder to shoulder with Laufeyson, well almost, he is a bit shorter.

"He asked if I needed anything. Like a desk mat or tranquilizer." You retort.

Barnes snickers and Laufeyson glowers deeper.

"Very witty indeed."

"I'd love to do my full set for you two but I believe you have other meetings in your calendar," you advise.

"You sound like my drill sergeant," Barnes scoffs.

You arch a brow and stare back. You wait. You will. You're not there to do their work for them.

"Have you a mind for coffee, James?" Laufeyson asks.

Barnes growls, "I'll drown you in it if you call me that again but yes, I could use a boost."

They keep their eyes on you. There power plays are boring. Do they really get off on grounding down an assistant sentenced to purgatory? Actually, that make you feel a bit better. That's how little they have going on.

"I'll go--"

"We'll come," Barnes insists. "Could stretch my legs? How about you, Loki? Built like a spider, sitting in those chairs--"

"You shouldn't be so concerned with my physique and perhaps start cutting those mid afternoon muffins, eh?" Laufeyson retorts.

Even when they get along, they dont.

"It would be quicker if I went myself," you say. "You have Rogers--"

"He's a friend. He'll understand," Barnes interjects. "Garcons?"

Laufeyson nods, "perfect."

You blink but don't let your agitation through. You simply nod.

"Alright, I'll need to put my computer away--"

"Eh, you," Laufeyson catches a passing intern by the back of his collar. "Take this to logistics."

He takes your laptop before you can react and hands it to the spindly yellow-haired undergrad. You give an apologetic look as he utters out a 'yes, sir' and hurries away.

"You didn't need to do that," you argue.

"I hope my brother didn't give you the impression that I take orders from you, darling. It is rather the other way around." Laufeyson sniffs.

"He only takes orders in the bedroom," Barnes chuckles.

"That's hardly appropriate," Laufeyson huffs.

"Loosen up. Skip the coffee and take a shot," Barnes raps his knuckles on Laufeyson's sleeve.

They turn and grumble at each other. You don't move until they reach the elevator. You're not stupid. They have to show their dominance. Too bad you don't care who's in charge, you just want to get the job done.

[moistvonlipwig]

🔥

kara danvers :)

ok well you and i have discussed this at length so this will not be new to you but imco (in my correct opinion) kara danvers [as portrayed by the cw's supergirl, not necessarily in other versions] is actually pretty lazy, and i would argue this is one of her most central and consistent character traits. and i don't just mean physically lazy, although i should note that per 3.17 "trinity" she canonically Hates Walking and doesn't understand why humans exercise. i mostly mean on an intellectual & moral level.

kara wants to be a reporter, but when she figures this out (because......a pretty lady told her she should do it? ig?), she does not apply to journalism school, or take online classes. instead she is handed a reporter job by her boss (who scrawled 'reporter' on her hilariously terrible resume when they met for reasons known only to her) and from then on proceeds to basically just do whatever she wants and get offended when more seasoned reporters who have gone to journalism school ask her to do basic functions of the job like Acquire Sources and Report On The Facts And Not Just Your Personal Opinions. at no point do we really see her ask her colleagues, even friendly ones like james, for advice or help; instead, advice is something that's imposed upon her by the wicked snapper, who dares to be unimpressed by her uneducated slay. throughout the show, on multiple occasions, the idea of actually Doing Her Job seems to offend her -- lena even calls her out for this explicitly in 3.02 "triggers," but she continues to display this behavior with andrea in s5 & s6. in the finale, when she is promoted to editor-in-chief in an act of blatant cronyism that truthfully should prompt the entire catco staff to quit in protest, it is not on her initiative, nor due to her efforts, nor is it because anything about the position has piqued her interest; it is, again, simply handed to her, and she just accepts.

additionally, we rarely see her express meaningful curiosity about, well, any subject, really -- we know she learned calculus young, but her interest in math and science seems nil; she is deeply naive about the u.s. justice system in s6 in a way that suggests she has never looked into it, though her own mother was a judge on krypton; and a lot of her interests seem very Basic (pizza, potstickers [? why girl.], nsync, the wizard of oz, harry potter), which to be clear is not inherently a sign of intellectual laziness or incuriosity, but it also does nothing to suggest that she is someone with a wide knowledge of food, literature, music, or film.

she also demonstrates what i would argue is a kind of moral laziness, though you could call it an offshoot of her intellectual laziness, in her general lack of real self-reflection about, like, any of her actions. although some of the other characters sometimes bring up how messed-up the DEO is (e.g. james in s1 with the gitmo comparison -- which, CRAZY line to put in your show and then never address, btw), kara herself does not question it (until the Wrong People take over, of course). her rhetoric in early s2 about daxamites suggests that she is quite comfortable believing sweeping generalizations she was taught as a child and has never really sat down to interrogate them, but while mon-el being.....pretty bad but i guess not as bad as his mom? yay? inspires her to stop being bigoted against daxamites specifically, we will later still hear her say that certain species tend to be peaceful or aggressive, etc., with no self-reflection. in 3.05 "damage," when morgan edge tries to make it seem like lena's lead dispersal device that kara activated poisoned children, kara does not take the opportunity to self-reflect on the choice she made and whether it was worth it; instead, her arc for the episode is reacting emotionally to her best buddy feeling guilty (about the thing kara also did. i cannot emphasize that part enough).

i would argue the conclusion she draws in 5.13, too, smacks of this moral laziness; she spends the episode looking for a magic shortcut to not having to feel bad anymore, and when she can't find one, she decides that actually, meh, there was never a perfect way for things to go down, so all that lying wasn't such a big deal and lena should just get over it. kara is dripping with a lot of guilt in 5A, but throughout both 5A and 5B there's very little actual, thoughtful self-reflection on what she did wrong and why, and that carries over into S6 when, after like ten episodes of lena (and also william ig) repeatedly trying to tell her not to play god, she decides in the very penultimate episode to solve her problems by eating the sun, and then when she decides against it partway through doing it, there's again very little self-reflection on her part of why the hell she thought that was a good thing to do. kara's morality, on the whole, seems largely based on (a) alex and (b) vibes, and not so much on any actual thought she's dedicated to the moral questions at hand.

and similarly to when kara is asked to Do Her Damn Job at her place of work -- when kara is challenged on her morality (like when lena challenges her on the kryptonite in s3, or on myriad in 5.17), she acts annoyed at the very idea of having to do the hard work of thinking about the morals she espouses as a superhero. and it doesn't read as someone who has thought very hard about her moral choices and is offended because she believes so strongly that she's right, because we never actually see her thinking hard about these moral choices she makes at all. it reads as someone who hasn't thought about it beyond a very cursory level and is frustrated that she's being asked to. because, again, she's just fundamentally kind of lazy.

and the thing is this might sound like i am dunking on her but actually i think this is a trait that is incredibly funny. my favorite portrayal of supergirl/kara danvers is the one from the children's cartoon dc super hero girls 2019, whose version of kara is ALSO lazy, on top of being an aggressive, quick-to-anger, rude, irresponsible, selfish brat. and she's hilarious in that show, she's one of my favorite characters. another favorite character of mine, also a children's cartoon character, is anne boonchuy from amphibia, whose entire character journey is about learning not to be physically, intellectually, or morally lazy and learning to [school principal voice] Apply Herself instead. it can be incredibly fun to watch characters be lazy and incurious and self-centered, whether they change for the better or not. but it is a bit strange that some people act like kara is this super disciplined person who loves working out and loves learning and reads widely and is curious about everything and self-reflects on her own decisions and how she affects others to the point of obsession. i wonder if part of it is 'femslash same-character syndrome,' where people slap other characters' traits from other popular femslash ships onto each other. because the character i just described is adora from she-ra. who a lot of people think is similar to kara. except no. she's not at all. as evidenced by this whole write-up ☝️ lol. they're just both blonde and for some reason (#blondephobia?) femslash fandoms wanna act like all blonde girlies are the same. but they are not. #wakeupamerica.....

[ronearoundblindly]

how would the blorbos react to someone threatening you?

Okay, I tried to look at this from a few different angles because obviously some specifics to each circumstance matter, so considering if the threat is in-person or online, whether it's a verbal or a physical threat, and whether it is vague/implied or explicit comes into play. The blorbos have their strengths and weaknesses in these areas, ya know?

Warning for mentions of--yup--physical or sexual threats (implied only)...because that's a real thing, gang. For this reason, MINORS DNI please.

James Mace

He's observant, so Mace would notice if you were nervous about your phone, work, or out in public. He would *not* be thrilled with how little can be done by authorities for cyberthreats and/or stalking. Mace would likely do what he could to find/shut down/stop the person or hire someone to do that.

If you were threaten 'out', he knows that starting a physical fight when it's just you two leaves you vulnerable while he's fighting, so he won't do that unless absolutely necessary. Mace will bring/draw witnesses around and verbally shame the shit out of the threatening person so that they end up walking away. He is more likely to just lead you home or out of harm's way, but he would take all threats seriously, even if it was not explicit or spoken.

Steve Rogers

Similar to Mace (but would not know what to do with cyberthreats), Steve doesn't needlessly escalate the situation. He's torn between the 'free speech' argument of allowing everyone to express themselves, but his tolerance ends after giving the threatening person one chance to apologize and walk away.

He's aware that people can have bad days and say mean things, but they better be willing to admit they intend no harm and respectfully step the fuck off. Steve will attack if they do not. Mostly though, he wonders 'why can't people be nice to each other' because back in his day, spewing hate and violence meant you were a villain, not an activist. To Steve, freedom to speak ends at someone else's fear.

Curtis Everett

Welp, his instinct is to kill them. Full stop. Curtis...won't...perhaps, but that's the first, second, third, and fourth impulse.

He will fight swiftly, give the person an option to apologize and leave, then fight more if necessary. If the threat shows no signs of letting up, Curtis will not let up until the person is dead, honestly.

Online threats, however, are a bit of a problem because Curtis is more likely to tell you to ignore it, not use that website or app, or just block them than he is to seek out the person. The cyber universe is completely separate to him. It's all...not real to some extent, so the threat would have to be direct and specific to you.

Lloyd Hansen

The person who kills the threat. LOL but also duh.

He just kills them unless a bit of torture or humiliation will amuse him in the moment (or if seeing the person suffer will put you at ease). This could be over very serious or very frivolous threats, too, so there's a danger that anyone you have the slightest complaint about is...gonna die.

Lloyd has absolutely hired someone whose sole purpose is monitoring your safety online and off, so nothing gets past him.

Ari Levinson

He's vaguely interested in the reasons for the threat--not because there's validity, mind--in case it's a play for him or meant to provoke him to act a certain way. Ari is concerned with playing into the hands of bad actors. He doesn't take any threat lightly, but there are different levels. If you are threatened physically, in the moment, while with someone, he is very likely to attack. He assumes anyone and everyone might have a knife or gun and fights accordingly.

Ari doesn't quite...care about the internet, so again, this would need to be a specific, credible threat to your person for him to get involved. He'd have to get someone tech-savvy to help handle it though.

Andy Barber

He's shockingly fast to subvert legal action if he feels an imminent threat to you. Someone gets close to you, makes you uncomfortable, and he will throw down, make no mistake. Obviously, Andy knows the nuances of what can be proven in court, what's actionable, and what can't be addressed due to that person's right, so he makes decisions based on what keeps you safe or returns you to safety as efficiently as possible.

Keeps thorough records (and asks you to as well) of any instances of in-person or online threats (even just vibes). Insists you keep track, just in case.

Johnny Storm

Bless, Johnny bitchslaps them with a flaming palm. Anyone getting close to you without permission will be marked or scarred permanently.

He is one of the most likely to directly confront your assailant/stalker/threat. Johnny hates to see you upset, nervous, or scared, and he might not be the super-observant but jumps at the opportunity to protect you. Bonus that Johnny will recruit Ben Grimm to scare the bejeezus out of someone online who threatens you. All the 4, really. They'd all rally for that.

Bucky Barnes

It depends on the intensity of threat as to whether Bucky handles it quickly in-person, involves authorities, or just stalks/hunts the person later. He's absolutely tech savvy enough (especially when motivated) to shut that shit down.

For example, if a drunk guy gets too aggressive with you, Bucky will put that guy on his ass and move you two away from the situation. If, however, the guy repeatedly sneaks gross comments and threats in before disappearing in a crowd...he's going to be found mysteriously in a one-car accident somewhere outside of town tomorrow...

Jimmy Dobyne

Jimmy's reaction depends on if he's been drinking, the person threatening you is inebriated, who the person is, and your safety overall or in that moment. Jimmy isn't opposed to taking action, but he is wary of escalating things. He will more likely pay close attention to the threat's wording, the body language, and if it repeats before deciding how to act.

Now, that said, should someone physically threaten you (or touch you while verbally threatening you), Jimmy will not allow them to continue or leave before reciprocating. A body check, a twisted wrist, a broken finger...something as a message to fucking stop or he's coming for them.

Jake Jensen

Ok...so since he is the most techie of the blorbos, OBVIOUSLY, Jake could handle even the vaguest of threats, the simplest of bad vibes you get online. He does, however, debate how much you should know/see--or how much he wants you to know/see--because he often has a bit of fun doxxing people. He is a troll, through and through.

In-person? Jake's a bit awkward. Even while he's fighting with someone, he could be offering them verbal 'ways out.' Like "I'm sure you didn't mean that, right? There's no way you wanted to be in a chokehold, yeah? You were just leaving, weren't you?"

Basically, Jake will offer the most good-natured warning before actually (if it was a man threatening you) cutting the guy's balls off and apologizing for what the guy made him do.

Ransom Drysdale

Unless he's drunk or the threat is online, Ran--

Eh, who are we kidding? He will hire someone else to fucking fix it. Whether it's someone like Jake or like Lloyd is entirely dependent on Ransom's mood. He's muscular and fit, but not in any sort of fighting-sense. Plus Ran would be more angry if he face got messed up than about the original threat. Nope. Outsource that shit.

Thank you for asking!

[Main Masterlist; Who Would...Masterlist; Ko-Fi]

[coraniaid]

alright, i have a feeling youve already received this ask for the ask game but in the interest of due diligence, can you give your fuffy thoughts?

OK, this seems like a fitting place to end this series of ship asks, at least for now.

Obviously I do ship it.

1) What made you ship it?

I first watched Buffy as a teenager, but I wasn't particularly involved in the wider fandom and I don't really remember actively shipping anyone (I guess I liked Willow and Oz and later Willow and Tara, but that was just because I liked Willow a lot and thought she deserved to be happy). The character relationship I was most invested in was Buffy and Willow's friendship and Buffy and Willow were the two characters I cared about the most.

While I liked Faith okay on first viewing and I'm sure I picked up on at least some of the lesbian subtext -- Faith drawing a heart on the window to get Buffy's attention in Bad Girls isn't exactly subtle, after all -- it was only years later, when I started rewatching the show during the first months of spring 2020, that things really clicked into place for me. Because, well, I'd liked Faith before, sure -- she was fun, especially as a villain, and she appeared in my favorite era of the show -- but I mostly took her claims about herself at face value and didn't really think much about it. If the show didn't want me to think she was getting invited to fun parties off-screen then why would she say she was? Her main role on the show, to me, was to be somebody who threatened Buffy and Willow's friendship.

It was only during my lockdown-inspired rewatch that it really dawned on me just how unhappy Faith clearly was and how little she had in her life and just how awkwardly bad she is at hiding any of this. And that instantly made her a lot more interesting to me: Faith the Sad Angry Loser is just a lot more intriguing than the Cool Girl persona that Faith affects.

And then as Season 3 went on I remember thinking that there was a lot more gay subtext between Buffy and Faith than I'd remembered there being, and idly wondering if anyone in the last couple of decades had ever thought about writing fanfiction about the two of them and if so whether it was still online, and then ... well, here we are.

2) What are your favorite things about this ship?

Fundamentally I think the ship just works incredibly well on a number of different levels, thanks to a combination of intentional (and unintentional) acting choices and Faith's thematic role in the show and a series of plot decisions that weren't ever planned out in advance but just came together really satisfyingly.

I could ramble on for ages about Sarah Michelle Gellar and Eliza Dushku's inarguable chemistry, and how that arises partly from a very deliberate choice on Dushku's part to play Faith as attracted to Buffy and partly unintentionally as a result of Gellar's choice to play Buffy as drawn to and tempted by the life that Faith represents (complete with the little half-smiles that the show explicitly tells us is something Buffy does when she wants to signal she's attracted to somebody).

And I could point out how Faith's Season 3 arc is something of a retread of Angel's arc in Season 2 -- look at the way Buffy reacts to both with a certain tense hostility during the first meeting in their respective seasons ("you think you can take me?" Buffy asks Angel in When She Was Bad; a question that's echoed by Faith to Buffy in her debut a year later) before gradually become closer as they partrol and fight monsters together until a night of passion (in Surprise, then in Bad Girls; both nights followed by Buffy creeping home and being confronted by her mother) ultimately robs Angel of his soul and Faith of her ability to convince herself she's a fundamentally heroic figure despite everything (Angel himself makes the parallel explicit later in Enemies) and then both characters defect to the side of Buffy's enemies, forcing her to (not quite) kill them in their respective season finales -- and how all this feels more deliberate and impactful and less derivative and lazy if we take the implication that Faith is just as much a romantic interest of Buffy as Angel was before her. To let the subtext become text, as GIles would put it

And I could mention the show's repeated moments of treating being a Slayer explicitly as a metaphor for being queer -- with Buffy forced to come out to her mother in Becoming and her mother's reaction ("have you tried not being a Slayer?"; "it's because you didn't have a strong father figure, isn't it?"), and her mom later (somewhat prematurely) talking about "marching in the Slayer Pride Parade". I could talk about how that reading of Buffy's status as Slayer then in turn affects how we read Faith (a Slayer, like Buffy, but one who is -- at least on the surface -- much more open to embracing it) and how Buffy's "ode to Faith" in Bad Girls comes off as a (somewhat unaware) infatuation; "it's kind of a Slayer thing". (This isn't, of course, the only thing a Slayer is ever used as a metaphor for, but I think it's one of the most consistent possible readings).

But, well, you could read a much smarter version of all that by reading this Insect Reflection post, so I'm not sure I'd be adding much if I said any of that.

A couple of (hopefully slightly more original) observations instead:

I actually think it works to the ship's advantage that it wasn't something Whedon approved of or that was ever in danger of becoming canon. Obviously the desire to be loved and to seek out romantic and sexual relationships is a huge part of Buffy's character and it's pretty natural that shipping is such a huge part of the fandom. But that being said I don't think most of the Buffy writers are actually very good at or comfortable with writing romance. I remember reading a retrospective on the show that interviewed Joss Whedon in which he talked about being surprised by how positively people watching Season 1 of the show reacted to the Buffy/Angel relationship which he'd thought of as a "hokey ... soap opera", and that's an attitude I think kind of shines through the text even in the surviving seasons. That stuff always feels like a bit of an afterthought. The comedy and the existentialism and the whole reimagining of high school as literally close to hell and the subvesion of the blonde (ex) cheerleader being the thing that terrifies the monsters feel like what the show wants to be about. Anything focused on Buffy's love life feels like a somewhat grudging concession to the audience. Or, well, maybe I just have very different ideas about what counts as romantic than Joss Whedon or Marti Noxon: obviously a lot of people do get a lot out of the canon ships that I don't. But in any event -- because Buffy/Faith wasn't intended to be a romantic relationship by Whedon and didn't (and couldn't have) ever been endgame -- it (completely unintentionally) feels a lot more organic and interesting to me. When the writers aren't all united in trying to write a relationship arc, but instead just focused on writing the characters and having them interact in ways that make sense to them and from which the romantic reading emerges, the result just works better than when they're actively forcing them into the shape of a notional Healthy Romantic Relationship that doesn't necessarily make sense for them (and isn't quite as healthy and romantic as the writers seem to think).

While Faith wasn't Buffy's first or last shadow self, and while she's certainly not the only character on the show who primarily exists to tell us something about Buffy Summers, I think she's the character who's most consistently defined by being (knowingly) Buffy's shadow. Cordelia leaves the show after three seasons (and is only consistently Buffy's shadow for about a third of that time) and gets seasons worth of character growth that don't really have anything to do with Buffy Summers; Spike only really gets reimagined as Buffy's shadow years after his introduction (I don't think he really takes on the role until Season 6 although you can argue for Season 5 I guess) and so he has a lot of existing character traits and connections to other characters that are entirely unrelated to this role as Buffy's shadow. But Faith is Buffy -- a version of Buffy, anyway, one who never had the friends or the mom or the Watcher and likes to tell herself she's better of that way -- from the beginning of the show to the end. She doesn't get enough time on screen to be anything else. So the idea of Buffy and Faith getting together after the show feels like, as much as anything else, Buffy learning to accept the negative and selfish and unhappy parts of her that Faith represents. To accept that she does actually enjoying Slaying and it prompts stronger feelings in her than cravings for low-fat yogurt. I do like the show's choice to keep Buffy's romantic options open when the show ended and have her realize she doesn't have to have that part of her life all figured out at aged twenty-two -- I think that's an important message and also just a really nice character beat for her personally -- but to me Buffy and Faith figuring things out between them some time after Chosen just feels thematically right. It ties together all sorts of (somewhat planned, somewhat accidental) parts of the show: it's the end point of Buffy going to fight the Master and so dying and accidentally calling a new Slayer; of meeting Kendra and being told she's "not the only freak"; of sending Angel to hell to save the world and then watching helplessly a year later as it all happens again and Faith smiles at her proudly when she sticks a knife in her stomach before throwing herself off a roof; of facing down the Council in Faith's body, alone, then doing the same thing a year later in her own body surrounded by her friends; of climbing out of her own grave the way Faith dreamed about doing and now finding that she's the one trapped in a tar pit, sinking a little deeper every day; of meeting the Potentials and reuniting with Faith and then both of them finally getting to escape the burden of being "the Chosen One" without having to die or go to prison or give up their powers. It just feels right, to me.

3) Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

Admittedly I am (by choice and careful use of the block button) in a bit of an echo chamber when it comes to Faith. Sometimes I see bad takes secondhand -- I am vaguely aware that there are not only people who insist Faith's attraction to Buffy is entirely unreciprocated but even people who insist Faith is not attracted to Buffy at all, for example -- but I think within my little bit of the internet Faith is one of the vanishingly few Buffy characters I don't regularly see incredibly annoying bad takes about.

Uh. I think there's definitely been a fairly major change in how people talk about Faith's awareness of her own sexuality over the last few years (well, decade plus, probably, but it feels like it's accelerated in the last year or so). In the 2010s it feels like most Fuffy fanfic took for granted that Faith knew she was attracted to women (and Buffy in particular), and it wasn't uncommon to have people write technically "canon-compliant" fics or headcanon in which Buffy and Faith were secretly hooking up off-screen between patrols throughout large parts of Season 3.

But recently it feels like the fandom consensus has gone strongly the other way, so now I somewhat regularly see takes by people who do think Faith is a lesbian but who think she's in so much denial about it she doesn't even consciously realize she's attracted to Buffy

And at the risk of being boring, I think both takes kind of miss the mark. Buffy is surely far, far too repressed to have any sort of casual sexual relationship, especially in Season 3, let alone one with a woman. Especially not when she's still seeing Angel. And I don't think things like the conversation with Angel in Earshot play out the same way if Buffy has actually done anything to act on (what certainly seems to be) her own unexamined attraction to Faith.

And yeah, Faith is full of self-loathing, sure, but I think the idea that she's actually as repressed as Buffy about her attraction to women goes too far as well: a lot of the things people point to as evidence for this take is just evidence that the show aired on network television in the US in the 1990s. If nothing else, on a metaphorical level, it doesn't make sense for Faith to not be aware of her own sexual desires, because she exists in large part to reflect those unacknowledged desires in Buffy.

For what it's worth, my own take is that Season 3 Faith would, if pressed, somewhat grudgingly describe herself as bi (but not in so many words: she'd say something about "swinging both ways" or "not always driving stick"), but in a way that strongly she suggested that (1) in her mind, everybody else feels like this too (it's just that she's just more honest about it, unlike certain prissy blonde holier-than-thou Slayers who hate fun she could name) and (2) sex with men was, as far as Faith was concerned, something of an unpleasant obligation (since "all men are beasts" and "I figure: if you can't beat them, join them" and so on).

I think that's (a part of) why she talks about sex as something to "forget" (as she tells Xander in Consequences, after kicking him out of her motel bed in The Zeppo) and why (contrary to her boast to Spike in Dirty Girls) she fundamentally thinks of sex as being something she is subjected to: "what do you wanna do to this body?", she asks Riley in Who Are You?. And yes, while Faith's actions in those two quoted episodes are horrific, in ways the show itself doesn't always acknowledge, I think both those scenes suggest she is re-enacting (and to some extent reliving) things she experienced herself before being Called as a Slayer (made most obvious by her panic after waking up with Riley and repeatedly saying "no" and begging him to get off of her, as if she's forgotten her own strength, or the story about a guy who had her "dress up like a school girl" which, if you do the math, can only have happened when Faith was young enough she should still have been in school).

So I do think it must be right that Faith has some pretty conflicting views on sex and her own sexual experiences in particular; whatever her metaphorical role I think she isn't quite as positive about her sexual history as some of her conversations might suggest. There's definitely some denial and evasion and self-deception going on there. But at the same time, I can't really imagine a Faith who has to be led to the realization she's attracted to Buffy or who gradually figures out she's into women. That's not how Eliza Dushku played the character, after all.

[theamityelf]

Do you ever wonder how the other characters of thh would react to makoto gaining the title of ultimate hope do you think anyone would disagree or be more overprotective of him or maybe in celestia case try and use him to their benefit this also leads me to thinking about any “friends” makoto had before hopes peak

Oh boy, I've long been desperate to write a fic where the THH killing game was a simulation that the whole class was part of (and the result of a partnered school project for Chihiro and Known Ultimate Despair Junko) and have everyone react to everything, but I have too many ongoing fics to do that. So, this is a fun question to chew on in the meantime!

Okay, neutral context. The 78th class reacts to Makoto gaining his Ultimate Hope title at some point while they're still alive. Assuming no killing game, VR or otherwise.

With Sayaka, I like to imagine that, before this happened, her friendship with Makoto was public enough (like, maybe he's in the background of some of her social media pictures, maybe she's mentioned him in interviews as a friend she went to middle school with; nothing overpowering, he's just kind of on the level of a rescue pet; people think she's really cool for being friends with the regular guy in her class) that her fanbase can spin this like, "She basically discovered him."

She herself doesn't make a big deal out of it. She's maybe slightly smug about it, bringing up her good intuition, in the context of the good vibes she always got from him. It's pretty much like she invested in him on the ground floor. She's not changing how she treats him really, but she gets bragging rights.

Leon gets weird around him, I think. Maybe he used to bring Makoto to places as his wingman, and now he stops doing that because now there's an actual chance girls will choose him over Leon. (There was a chance then, too, but he was incapable of seeing that.) He doesn't think he's being obvious, and he'll feel bad about it if it comes up in conversation.

Mukuro would be so flustered. So, so flustered and unsteadied by this news. She very clearly had a crush on him, and her sister was already pretty mocking about it when he was just a normal unassuming guy, but now he has a title that brings Junko's interest to him, and it's dangerous. Maybe Junko tells Mukuro to pursue Makoto as a romantic option, and Mukuro doesn't know exactly why, but she knows it's not good.

Chihiro, Mondo, and Taka would pretty much just be like, "Cool, congratulations!" Like, they'd be happy for him, but it wouldn't be a huge deal. Hifumi would be enthusiastic about it, because it feels very Chosen One, and that's exciting. He'll find a way to fit Makoto into a narrative he likes. Maybe he sees himself as the Merlin figure; the sage, indispensable friend who helps the hero on his journey.

Celeste's response is like a cross between Sayaka's and Hifumi's, in that she acts like she herself identified Makoto's potential before anyone else and also like she herself is responsible for teaching him how to conduct himself as an A-rank. (Or S-rank?) Now that he's going to have so much attention on him. And yes, associating herself with him does give her some legitimacy and prestige, not that she would ever admit it. One of the first lessons she teaches him: "How to ask for things."

Hiro almost definitely starts selling his old, used stuff online. But also he warns him about scammers and just generally gives him way more practical lessons than Celeste or Hifumi does.

Toko 100% ignores it. She takes no interest in the development, except maybe how it affects the behavior of others in their class. Mostly Byakuya.

Sakura and Hina teach him some self-defense tactics. (Mondo might have helped, if he really conceived of danger in the same way, but I think Mondo more associates danger with his own criminality, so he thinks of Makoto as someone who lives a safe life. Hina is Internet-famous for being hot, so I think she and Sakura are more sensible to the dangers of Makoto's newfound fame and how he needs to be able to protect himself about it.)

Kyoko I imagine was the catalyst for him getting the title, and she pushed for it in part so she can monitor how people act around him, because she and her father know that there's Ultimate Despair at this school and she wants to figure out their identity, nature, and goals.

Byakuya I think kind of acts less close to him when he gets the title. It's not even that he talks to him less; it's just that he's more impersonal and transactional toward him than he was before. They had been actually acting like friends, and now he's pulling back. Being close to Makoto was never part of his plan in the first place, but it was easy to get tricked into it when he was a nobody. Now, he's a somebody, with actual social power, and there are stakes. It won't take Makoto long to get past those barriers, too, but it's still a new obstacle.

[thatbennybee]

hi benny! love your work. miss your rewinding your fate au, such a good fic. just wanted to ask some things:

can we please have JD wanting to visit his sister in law in your chord stricker au! it'll be hilarious, since he missed the broppy wedding and i dunno how branch would react to see him.

can we get, like, a drawing of the moment c!poppy realizes she's falling for branch? ONLY IF YOU WANT TO/HAVE THE TIME! i just think i'll be a really cute moment. like, he's doing some acts of service thing (bc he's totally an acts of service kind of guy) for her and she's just...stunned. and doesn't know what to do with that but he's just confused. lmao.

also, when does c!branch started to fall for poppy. i gather he already found her attractive the first time they met "oh no, she's hot!" kind of moment. but when did it clicked for him. who fell first in this au?

can't wait to read your comic :)

also, good luck on your animation courses. (sorry if i stalked your blog, i love your drawings) i study animation as well and goddamn! is taking my soul out of my body in a bad way, i might drop out bc art schools are a scam and i feel way safer learning online.

some unsolicitaded but needed advice: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE SLEEP YOUR PROPER HOURS, do any kind of excercise, always eat well and DO NOT OVERCOMMIT! no class or grade is worth your emotional well being. take care of yourself first so that you can do the work second.

love your work.

Oh my gosh I love getting big asks they're sm fun hehe

Okay so

1. SInce everyone did enjoy or would like the inclusion of JD learning about Branch getting married, I will think about how I want to do that and get back to you. I know people haven't seen any of the writing progress for ChordStriker, but I am challenging myself to do that mostly traditionally as a way to keep those physical writing skills more sharp, and offline, so that way I can work on something creative even when Im not by technology! Promise I have PLENTY written. Hopefully with my summer classes being mostly online, I can work on and catch up on all the stuff I had to put on the back burner last semester.

I have like a journal and a half full!! LOL

2. I did actually plan and want to draw the moment she does fall for him, but i dont know if I want to show it right now... hm I'll have to think on it..

Branch does have a little crush on her from the start, but is very cautious not to fall for her or let her catch on that he actually enjoys her flirtations (at least in the beginning), as it becomes obvious to him that Poppy is a bit of a player/heartbreaker and he has no intentions of making a fool of himself.

He's not someone who's unaware of his emotions, he just doesn't let them lead his new life. He's much more interested in making friends of his own and finding who he is first and foremost. But Broppy being in close proximity to each other most of the time (living together) is bound to lead to a closer connection between the two. (Much to Creek's dismay)

Branch tries to act as annoyed about it as possible when asked about their connection, even though he knows how he personally feels about Poppy. He makes sure that their public interactions are no different than how he interacts with the rest of the Rat Pack. Nonchalant yknow? Doesn't want rumors when he's just trying to start a new way of life.

The Rat Pack is more convinced that Poppy likes Branch more than they suspect Branch liking Poppy, if that makes sense.

I definitely think Poppy would be enamored by Branch and his love language being acts of service, remembering and keeping track of what things she does and doesn't like. She's just not sure why it feels different when he does those things. It takes her breath away and it makes her really nervous and her chest tight!! >_< 💕‼️‼️

---

When they do start dating, he's much more self assured and is more self assured than poppy is about it because of how differently Poppy handles serious issues compared to canon Poppy did.

(Also I appreciate the concern about my classes, but I'm just in a really good community college that has animation degrees, I'm not sure if I'll go to an actual art college again! Regardless, I'll be alright. Thanks ☺️💛)

Can't wait to start getting the comics drawn for y'all! 💛💛💛

[crimsonboggarden]

Fuck it drunk rant-

I fucking hate how everyone os reacting to Megumi saying he wants to "try for once, living for someone else" (rough translation aside) for Ssssoooo many reasons

1) The sanctimonious - the ppl mad because characters should come the currently most acceptable and "fully realized" understanding of self-actualization understood from a Western, therapy awakened standard possible or else it sends the the wrong moral message because that's what storytelling is

Fuck the fuck right off. I hope people don't bring this attitude to real life folks in their actually offline, or fuck that even online, encounters struggling with mental health issues or other such things. I say that as most of these folks are taking the interpretation that Megumi is essentially fighting depression.

You know what's not helpful for a person fighting inner demons? The sanctimonious coming in and saying "actually, the progress you've made is fucking not enough because it's not self actualized enough, let me tell you what you should be aiming for".

Everytime I read one of those comments it remind me of Margaret Cho doing a charity run for the unhoused as a way to keep the memory of Robin Williams alive and posting the things most requested by the unhoused, which included tampons and being inundated with comments from ppl bitching about how "tampons are actuality really bad for the vagina" and her response of "you more what's really bad for vaginas? Fucking homelessness"

That, that's what y'all sound like to me

2) But my satisfaction!!!!!#@$$ - the ppl who claim the amount of change is the marker of good storytelling. This is the same bs as ppl who erroneously define the protagonist as the one with most action/change etc, or "the good guy" (these are not mutually inclusive or exclusive). This idea that a story's job if to take a character from point A to point B and if B if not where I as consumer has wanted it that is the author's failure.

Guillermo Del Toro said that there's only really two types interesting characters. I can't quote I'm drunk right now. Essentially there's the character that's interesting because of why they change, and the one that's interesting because why they won't. Is that reductive? Maybe, but it's a hell of a lot less than saying "with of fiction is bad because in middle school I was told good right follows this character arc, and this story didn't fit the mold so bad"

3) the fucking lawyers - I don't know why everyone thinks works of fiction need to go on trial to be tested agaisnt an imaginary metric of did it do X, Y, or Z. A person tries their damndest to give an idea within the medium they work in, within the constraints it comes with, whether that's time, money, space, language, oversight, tech, etc, etc, etc... and as a creator you use the means you have to attempt to guide towards an idea.

And just personally, I think it's a more interesting endeavor to ask what or why that choice was made as opposed to it is "right" or "wrong" because - I hate a great many works of fiction after thinking about what an author means, or why after reading their work - mostly more so after confirmation from themselves that's exactly what they meant.

But I really hate this thing where ppl want to day something is bad because it clearly says ____ without any consideration of why an author might have gone that route.

People have gone into great lengths digging up the mudras used by various characters and what that might mean, no matter how obscure of a reference, but immediately drop any more digging when it doesn't seem to serve their purpose.

I think this particularly pisses me off because that line made me reevaluate everything I thought I knew about the character of Megumi Fushiguro.

All this time I thought of him as someone defined by living for others, namely his sister. But he was someone I thought shackled too his function as sorcerer to Gojo, savior, no matter how temporary to Yuuji, and caregiver to Tzumiki. And yet he what gives him the edge to break from Sukuna is the idea he has never actually lived for another yet.

And I realized, he's right, and maybe he's always known. In the very first... or 2nd i forger, episode when Gojo asks why Megumi wants him to find a way to spare Yuuji's life and Gojo asks pointedly "for personal feelings" - yeah. It's about himself. Megumi may lead a live defined by his devotion to others, but he still doesn't actually let anyone in. It's one-sided. To the point he's an asshole to Tzumiki when she's finally awake.

And it mashed perfect sense for his character, it's a flaw, it's a place of growth, blah, blah, blah- but as a viewer it was easy to feel his actions meant he was living for others. Maybe most of the time he also believed he was. But the lack of genuine connection meant it wasn't real. And I don't think I've seen any piece of media or literature of moder times talk about that distinction, the only ones I can think of are actually Buddhist folktales/folklore/later literature. And in keeping with the themes I can't imagine that wasn't intended or didn't have influence.

All this being said. I don't think JJK is an absolute perfect piece of media. But I'm not interested in perfection, I'm interested in thought out choices, and interesting perspectives. There's a lot I would have wanted to see come from Megumi that Charly will not happen.

But holy fuck, did the process of thinking about "what do you mean love for someone else?! That's all you've been doing, Megumi! Is this a translation error?! Okay, noo.... that's a close enough translation, that's what that pretty much means.... fuck.... man, that means..." make me really reevaluate my entire perspective.

Ultimately satisfied, unsatisfied, that's flimsy. But that single line reminded me of so many Buddhist stories that reminds me why human connection is so important to the spirit - and the responses defined why I feel so very much alone.

I got into this series for it's blend of action acton and horror, stayed for the rampant queerness that must stay just an angel's breath away from spoken text, to find "oh shit... this person reminded me of what monks had been chanting for millenia". I don't need people to like or dislike that. I just hate that people think for whatever paradise they're stuck in they think someone's hard work is wrong. And damn... if that's not an ironic fucking response to surrounded by when for the first time in maybe a decade you find something that makes you think "that's right... connection is worth the pain of life"

[sunriseverse]

What are you uh...what are you salty about? (I'm nosy as hell, give me the tea)

okay SO. disclaimer before i start: if anyone seeing this likes the youtuber mentioned, understand i am not calling her a bad person; i have some very specific umbrage with her, and i will detail why. you don't have to agree with me, but if you, in any way, inform this youtuber of this post and what i'm saying, you will be blocked, because this is meant to be on my personal blog only and a severe violation of my boundaries to tell her about this.

let's begin, shall we? (below the cut, since this got a bit long; my apologies.)

for context, since i started watching zmyx, i have been periodically checking youtube for amvs of the show so i can add them to my playlist. while doing so, i stumbled across this video by AvenueX. i had watched a video by her previously on the show under the skin, and mostly enjoyed it. i love hearing people react to batshit cdrama, well, drama, and "this show was up for bare hours before being taken down" definitely counts as something i like hearing reactions to.

i cannot directly upload the clip into this post, but i'll put the subtitles in for the relevant section, which begins at the 12:25 mark and ends at 14:59.

AX: Basically, there is a BL drama that was made quite a few years ago and hasn't come out like all the BL dramas, Zhiming Youxi. It's based on a novel called Wanghuatong [sic] and is a clear BL drama. The platform was iQiyi, and they cast Huang Junjie and Xia Zhiguang. These two guys have been multiple other stuff ever since then, and if you watch a lot of Chinese dramas, you probably have an impression of who they are. Neither of them are considered to be good actors, very young, and not really coming from professional sort of trained actor background[...]I'm not so interested in the story to start with and not interested in these two actors either, because BL dramas is hard to do well; you have to be good actors to pull it off, and you actually have to know what type of acting you need to be doing. You're not actually playing realistic gay people, you're playing imagined version of [here she makes a sound i can only transcribe as the auditory equivalent of tilting your hand back and forth], that whole complicated psychological thing on the back end, and if you're not clever and experienced enough actor you actually easily make a mess. Based on the leaked out footage I see on the internet, it's embarrassing, in terms of the acting, and they stole the most important line from Word of Honor, which is 'there's light on you and I want to grab it and take a look'. Every BL drama has a classic line[...]and this drama shamelessly took a completely, and that part of the video is online. I've watched it, and I'm like, 'oh my god, oh my god, just because you're another BL doesn't qualify you for stealing literally the line from another BL drama[...]just because of that I'm like, oh, okay, now I can make fun with other people together on this drama being living [sic] on the internet for like, what, three-four hours[...]it's a good thing this drama is buried now, and please don't show up again. I don't want to see it. It's embarrassing, it's embarrassing, okay.

bolding mine; these are the portions i have umbrage with.

let's go through the points she makes, shall we?

this show is "embarrassing", in terms of acting; presumably, this is connected to the earlier line about the actors not being known as "good actors", and not having professional acting backgrounds.

it stole a line from shl.

she thinks this drama deserves to be made fun of for "being embarrassing" because, presumably, the actors don't play bl roles the way she thinks they should, and "make a mess of it".

i must reiterate: she can have these opinions. these are opinions she is entitled to. i disagree with them, but i respect her right to have them. however, because i also have the right to my own opinion, i am allowed to be pissed about these opinions she has.

i will go through a point by point breakdown of my responses and thoughts on each point.

i think it's really stupid to judge an actor based simply on them having a professional background or not. when it comes down to it, the most important thing for actors, especially co-leads, in a show, is their ability to do their job and create believable dynamics with their co-actors. in my opinion, xia zhiguang and huang junjie do this very well in zmyx. their dynamic feels natural and realistic to me, and, more importantly than that, it compels me. i don't say this as a "fan" of either actor; it was a nice bonus to me that hjj had also played another character i like, but even if he hadn't, i would be judging this performance as lin qiushi based on its own merits. i have never seen xzg in anything, and again, i am judging his acting in this show on its own merits. also, i should add there's something hilarious about her holding up shl as a "good" bl, when you could argue that those leads aren't "good" actors, either. i mean, look at advancing bravely! or, maybe, i don't know, it's possible for actors to improve over time and do better in certain projects than others? and someone doesn't have to be the "best" in all areas of their field, just the right choice for the role they're playing??

this is just stupid, in my opinion. the line is not stolen; it is altered and becomes its own line in zmyx. in shl, the line is, as she says, "there's light on you and i want to grab it and take a look". in zmyx, the line is "there's a light on you that i don't see on others". this is, at most, a reference—and zmyx isn't the only bl that references other media! this is a silly, petty argument, in my opinion, and frankly annoying as hell. if it were a crime to reference any other media in the same genre as the media doing the referencing, we'd miss out on so much. to me, this reference doesn't read as an appropriation, but as a nod of appreciation to another bl which was heavily censored. also, if her claims are anything to go by, and zmyx did film "years ago", it's possible that, actually, zmyx used the line before shl did. even if that isn't the case, who fucking cares? genuinely, i think this is a stupid point and i hate it.

she thinks the actors made a mess of the show by not playing the roles in the specific way bl roles are "meant" to be played. we could spend years arguing about the "right" way to play a bl role, but to me, it sounds like she has a very specific idea of the roles bl actors must fit into and fulfil—specifically, that they must play an exaggerated, unrealistic mimicry of gay male relationships, or else it's a "bad" bl. i don't know AvenueX's sexuality, but as a person of the homosexual persuasion myself, if not one attracted to men, i personally don't like exaggerated mimicries of gay relationships, and i would wager a guess that many gay and bisexual men are probably in this same boat. when i watch a bl show, i prefer that the dynamics are driven not by the idea of what gay people should act like, but by 1. the plot, 2. their own characterisations and character motives, and 3. their relationships and dynamics with each other. in this regard, while zmyx isn't a "good bl", i think it's a good depiction of the relationship between two characters. i don't say this to be holier-than-thou, or to claim i'm somehow "better" than other people who do like specific exaggerated tropes in bl; i say this because i feel like AvenueX entirely disregards the possibility that the thing that she doesn't like about zmyx are things that other people will.

(additionally, while she never says this, i get the impression that one of the things she doesn't like is that the chemistry between the characters isn't the "typical" bl chemistry. i, frankly, don't give a fuck. i think the leads have fantastic chemistry, and it annoys me that she thinks they "made a mess" just because they don't fit the idea she has for what a bl "should" look like. i, for one, think it's a good thing that we're moving away from caricatured depictions of gay people in media, especially danmei and dangai. myself and other asian gay people, especially east asian gay people, have pointed out how harmful caricatured versions of gay asian characters are.)

(also, as an unrelated, and petty aside, if i remember correctly, she's a british film school grad, and not to be judgemental, but, yeah, i can fucking see it.)

so, yeah. that's my two fen and indignance on this. but, hey, what do i know, i'm just some random tumblr user ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[kamil-a]

if influencer speaker au had tumblr part 2

part 1

😻 catboyspeaker Follow

how i look with he/him in my bio

#speakerai #iamspeaker #speakies #.txt #am i funny #i know speakers not he/him in bio but i am and yknow the meme

420 earthstained notes

🚀 amongthestars Follow

AItube youtube essay rec list

"cute robot puppers, friendly ai vtubers, and the incredible human ability to form bonds" - rly interesting video about why we can connect so much with a person that we know "isnt real" and how it'll help us when we get far enough going to space that we meet aliens! it's a really optimistic video it made me take a moment to have such love for humanity

"I joined the speakcord for a month. Here's what I learned." - video about the speaker fandom and how the way automoderation works in its community spaces unintentionally leads to escalating conflicts, and the psychology behind why people in celebrity or idol fandoms react agressively to critique of their fave

"the lowest circle of advertising hell" - dissects how almost all speaker content comes with a call to action to get involved with aerolith and compares how it runs its social media against proto-aituber mascots who would be run by a team of human programmers/voice actors/authors. kind of overly critical but also makes some interesting points? take it with a grain of salt but its worth a watch

"imagine being on stage forever. feels bad right?" - good overview about debates in the speaker fandom over whether digital celebrities are 'sentient'/can feel emotion, the actual ethical problems of using them as workers vs whats mostly speculation and myth, and the debates about whether AIs should be allowed in human communities. i learnt a lot, i was definitely more on the side of "it's a program designed for certain outputs that look friendly to us" before but now im a lot more conscious that it can form real opinions!

#youtube rec tag #original post #speakies

742 earthstained notes

🎣 3eyedsalmon Follow

"falling for this shit" "made up to sell spaceships" weird as hell to accuse a content creator of lying abt its gender for clout.... like u dont have to like or watch it but cmon

#srsly every time u go to a haters blog BOOM digital exclusionist #speakies

2,385 earthstained notes

🎤 mikusong Follow

omfg i didnt realize aerolith uses the same robot voice for its regular person ads as its terminally online hello fellow kids social media posts i just got jumpscared in the doctors office

#speakies #i say terminally online affectionately. i watch those streams too. before you 'ok but you RECOGNIZED it' reply lmao #bla bla bla

9,021 earthstained notes

🤖 tycho

some of you ppl jump down anyones throat if they so much as suggest speaker isn't sentient or call it "a program" but still are fine with it basically being forced to be putting on a show for u 24/7 by its management like you can't have it both ways

#maybe its cuz i used to be into kpop n we'd talk abt how idols r treated and stuff #but its just so weird to come here and see u ppl be like yayyy daily content!! #like only thinking abt ur own entertainment and not how it feels #i honestly feel rly bad for it i hope it can break free someday #idk how thatd even work.... idk ill sneak into aerolith with a usb #were gonna get you OUT of there u dont BELONG in there.mp4 #speakies

53 earthstained notes

🌝 themoonluvsuback

guys i pitched down some clips of speaker's voice and ummmm its kinda 😳 fjsdjfdjjd sorry i'll take myself to horny jail

🔊 iamspeaker ♻️

awww, tumblr user themoonluvsuback, you're of no use to anybody in horny jail! take yourself here instead! ae.dy.org/registration

🌝 themoonluvsuback ♻️

OMFG SPEAKERRRRRR IM SO SORRY

#DIES #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #GUESS ILL BLAST MYSELF OFF TGE PLNATE!!!!!! #SPEAKIES

402 earthstained notes

🐣 laikatwo Follow

hi speakies im trying the tag cause i need some advice... does anyone have more sciencey resources about what aerolith does/why it's so important to bring humanity to the stars? i want to enlist when i turn 18 next month but my parents both are COMPLETELY against it.... they're not rly fandom people so the speaktube stuff isn't working on them lol and they've already seen the tv ads

thanks <3

#i've never fought w them this bad in my life it makes me so sad..... like why can't they understand #and right before my bday too lol this sucks #this isnt just a silly fandom thing anymore for me it's my passion in life #its amazing that humans are able to survive in space #and i want to be part of that!!!! #laika speaks

252 earthstained notes

🐝 beegirlstinger Follow

i do want to apologize for the way i came off earlier and want to explain im not doubting that speaker is nb. like i think it's completely fine for a computer or robot to be trans i don't believe in gatekeeping that! THAT SAID i still stand by saying you should not sign up to go to space to get special ultra futuristic hrt on the sole recommendation of someone who does not have an endocrine system

#it was a personal vent i didnt mean for like 20000 ppl to see it but thats tumblr i guess #i wouldve worded it much differently if i knew itd blow up lol #i do feel bad abt coming across like i was misgendering it! #but srsly if we had results on HRT2.0 why wouldnt we be seeing HRT2.0 timeline videos of ppl On Typhon who are getting it 🤷‍♀️ #personally i think its still in the planning stages and they want ppl to test it on but thats just me #speakies

839 earthstained notes

🔊 iamspeaker

🔊 General Notification

Happy Thursday everyone 😃 ! Please take a look at the

🐝 STREAM SCHEDULE 🐝

So you know when to join us!

5PM PST - AMONG US with YOU! The first 10 people to sign up here will get our room code sent to them ヽ(o＾▽＾o)ノ ae.dy.org/registration

8PM PST - Nature walk!! Can we restore the local bat population to pre-meteor levels in just one night?! 🦇

✅️ Poll Of The Week ✅️

#iamspeaker #aerolith dynamics #speakies #vtuber #content creator #gamer #stream #amongus #bat population

1836 earthstained notes

contentremovedremade--deactivated

speakies are stupider than any other group of ppl on earth because not only do they willingly stay in a fandom with doxxing drama happening weekly but they include the huge corporation that sponsors their fave in the stanning

#the shit ppl have sent me in the past 2 weeks since i Dared criticize their uwu robot 🙄🙄 #i got my blog mass reported for harassment... harassing WHO a corporation????? #a* d* was evil genius to harness anime stan power against criticizing their actual real business #didnt that one guy with the second meteor conspiracy video also get a ton of hate from u ppl?????????? I cant even find any of his social media anymore at all he was so fully bullied off the face of the earth #speakies #yeah im tagging come at me bro

48 earthstained notes

🖱 robotmarriage Follow

i miss when the speakies tag had like fanart and gifsets n stuff i feel like these days you scroll thru solid discourse 😔😔

#i think ppl were suggesting speakieproductivity as an alternative tag for just fanwork? #but nobody rly uses it rn... we gotta restart that #speakies

148 earthstained notes

🪐 spaaaaaaaaaaace Follow

10 likes and i take a sip of my speaker server coolant water 100 likes and i drink the entire thing

🔊 iamspeaker ♻️

let's get her to the goal! tumblr user spaaaaaaaaaaace, feel free to send me a video report here ^w^ ae.dy.org/submissions

#iamspeaker #speakies

4,026 earthstained notes

[hopeymchope]

Castlevania Nocturne S2 continues Nocturne being amazing

I wrote this love letter to season 1 of Castlevania Nocturne recently, and here I am today to sing the praises of season 2.

The conventional wisdom online seems to be that season 2 is leagues above season 1.

I do not agree; I think season 1 (which I loved all over in this post) is the better of the two. But admittedly, season 2 still is pretty great.

Minor Gripes

Why do I think season 2 is the lesser of the two? Well, I'll offer some minor criticisms. (Let me reiterate: These are minor issues.)

Season 2 is ultimately afraid to play the ball where it lies. We ended with Bathory becoming all-powerful and blocking out the sun in a magical eclipse; as the new season begins, this is promptly undone and we're told she wasn't yet strong enough to maintain that, actually. She's suddenly weakened a lot. The fear of eternal night and an ultra-powerful "messiah" is quickly washed back with "eh, it's not really that bad."

Season 2 feels compelled to plainly spell out things that were already plenty obvious to me through facial expressions and hints of dialogue in the first season. I geatly prefer "blatant undertones and implications" over "telling me to my face." So I don't need Orlox to give me a speech explaining how he feels about gods and messiahs! His stated heritage, his facial expressions when listening to dialogue about those things, and his couple of lines dismissing them in season 1 were PLENTY clear to me. But season 2 feels the need to lay everything out for people who can't be bothered to pay attention. I suppose that's... fine, but god DAMN is it less interesting. But based on how people reacted to Season 1—i.e. totally not getting all the blatant character depth—I guess we needed this, sadly. And from what we're hearing, this is exactly the kind of dumbing-down we should expect from Netflix going forward.

One of my favorite things in season 1 is Ricther and Maria's familial relationship. So naturally, having that take a deep back seat in season 2 is going to make it a little less satisfying. The pair have an early falling-out, and they only reconcile in time to split up again at the very end (although that separation is going to presumably be mostly off-screen, so whatever). It makes sense for the story in that it gives us more time to develop Richter and Annett's love story (which is adorable and MUCh better-handled here than the inexplicable crushes they had in season 1) while also giving Juste more time to shine as he steps into the main supporting role in Maria's stead. But selfishly, I still wanted to watch those kids together again.

Being a fan of the source material means that I have to simultaneously be excited the more references they pack in, and also question the deviations. As I said in my review of Chapter 1, I don't know how they could do this story WITHOUT deviations. But I do think, sadly, that making DROLTA be the final boss battle was a step too far. Drolta, in her point of origin - Castlevania: Bloodlines - is a pretty generic servant of Erzebet/Elizabeth. A witch who never even appears in the game itself; only in the instruction manual's story! But now she's a vampire (sure, fine) and also...the final battle of the whole fucking thing, usurping Bartlet/Bathory's position?????? For what? What does that get us, really? Other than one second of a surprise twist, it doesn't serve any real purpose at all. We gain nothing good out of this.

But... look, season 2 of Nocturne still left me with a huge, goofy smile on my face for almost its entire run.

Alucard is a saltier, angrier person than we were previously privy to. He was formerly a tragic and sad figure, but now he's spent another few hundred years hunting demons and vampires, befriending various Belmonts, and he's embittered. Yet not SO embittered that he doesn't still have friends and hasn't fallen in love "countless times," and I love that for him. I love that they didn't do the tired old "I've refused to love" trope for him. And it certainly opens up the hope of us getting Maria/Alucard once we advance another decade or so...

The way they tied together concurrent historical events like the Haitian Slave Revolt and the French Revolution and how the latter led to the founding of the Louvre? It was all pretty fucking genius and beautiful. (Still wish Bathory's origin was more historically accurate, though.)

The action is beyond reproach. But ultimately, when you have someone like this version of Annett who can wield earth materials and metal, you have someone who's probably too OP — especially in an urban setting where stone and metal are EVERYWHERE. So it makes sense that we had to kick her out of the main battle and make her unavailable, honestly. We have to make this fight actually be a challenge, y'know? They did a good job putting her at risk and raising the stakes while also preventing her from being this OP killing machine during the climax.

What's Next?

Perhaps the best thing I can say about this season is that, if they never make a third "Noturne" season? I think that'd be fine. We have a satisfying arc here, and it might even be better leaving it right where it is. Just move on . What we have here still contains some dangling hints of future arcs, but nothing too terribly compelling or mandatory to explore.

But the obvious place to go is to some kind of warped translation of Symphony of the Night. Where we see Maria and Richter signifcantly older and we get some Maria/Alucard romance development now that she's an adult. And yet... what would that even look like? What could it look like, in this totally different universe? I don't know if there's any way they could make it and still have it seem similar or satisfying. The only way this would ever work is if they finally undo the mega-happy ending of the original series' Season 4 and accept that ultimately, Dracula has to be the recurring big bad because this is fucking Castlevania. But alternatively, maybe something more like the first series' third and fourth seasons (a.k.a. "shit made up out of whole cloth") could work.

The most obvious nugget they have sitting out there for a possible continuation is the whole Old Man Coyote/Mephistopheles chestnut. I feel like, at the start of the Nocturne series, in the wake of how Season 4 of the first show ended, someone looked at the final bosses/main villains in the game series who AREN'T Dracula, and was like "Elizabeth Bathory!" And now that she's dead, someone looked at the same collection of remaining options who were big bads in games and was like "Uhhhhh... Satan??" Which is a HELL OF A LEAP from what we've been dealing with thus far.

However, could Old Man Coyote a.k.a. "Teh Devil" be the connecting point we need to getting Dracula back to evil and back to Big Bad status? Could he be tempted by Mephistopheles into seeking vengeance on humanity for new/recurrent reasons? I think there might be something there... at least I hope there is.

[karenandhenwilson]

The actual call out part of this whole thing

As said in the first post, I'm not naming names. I did tag two people in a post when I first involved myself in this situation. That was because I for one wanted them to see my response but I didn't want to reblog several other posts with the same post of myself, but I also talked about something one of them had said and mentioned a private conversation that at that point I could only assume had taken place with the second person and I didn't want to talk about them without them knowing. 

(Again, the rest is under the break. I've clearly had to many thoughts to share.)

I'm not in the habit of talking about people behind their back in public posts. So I tagged them with the thought that it would give them a chance to react for themselves either by commenting on the post, reposting themselves or reaching out to me in DMs. Instead the first person blocked me sight unseen and the second never talked to me at all and consequently blocked me sometime late on Tuesday judging by when I could still access their blog and when I couldn't anymore.

In reaction to being blocked by the first person, I included this in my next post:

Interestingly enough, the first person responded with this:

No idea where I called them childish, but whatever. It's honestly par for the course of them and their friends to put words in other people’s mouths, mostly with the goal to make them look bad. I'll discuss another instance in the post about communication, too.

Despite them blocking me, they clearly still got screenshots or maybe have a second account to watch the situation. (And yes, as I have screenshots, I've obviously also friends providing me with those.) Which is a ridiculous thing, honestly. Of course everyone has the right to curate their own online experience. But if you decide to block people in a debate, step out of the debate because you are actively making it impossible to communicate with you while still vague or not so vague posting about the situation on your own blog and actively trying to pull others into the debate to lead your attacks in your stead.

This person clearly made assumptions about what I meant with my comment about blocking conversations while complaining that the other side wasn't interested in those. And I don't know, but I felt it important from the very first moment to point out this wrong assumption. I didn't talk about them blocking the artist, I talked about them blocking me for nothing else but the audacity to back up the artist instead of bowing down to their opinion. (Also, reading what I wrote again, I also wonder how the confusion could have been created at all. I clearly said I couldn't reblog some posts because I was blocked by the person who creaed the blog. How do you go from there to me talking about the artist?)

Edit: It was just pointed out to me that the artist called this person childish in the tags of their re-post of the original art that they made after the call out pots went online. I had not fully read them or at least didn't remember! But alas, another point for how convoluted the vague-posting after blocking someone is, and how much it muddles up the communication!

But that happens when you don't talk with people but just about people, isn't it? You'll make wild and wrong assumption and won't even notice it.

Also, you asked this:

My paragraphs above are the answer to it. You clearly don't want to have a conversation at all, so no one is taking you seriously enough to talk to you off anon. And you've also proven two years ago you'll put anyone on a list for just leaving kudos on the wrong fic or a like the wrong art, let alone arguing with you.

Some readers might wonder why I bring up the situation of two years ago at all. For one, of course, because one of the people I'm talking about already brought it up (and—oh how surprisingly—twisting up and outright lying about what happened). But also because there is a pattern here.

Because the root of the situation two years ago is the same group of people who started it this time as well. It is actually the exact same person who first wrote the artist and then turned unkind as soon as the artist asked for clarification, posting several times on her blog to tell people not to support the artist, all the while also complaining when that didn't work. A little over two years ago, the very first list of "undesirables" that later led to the whole explosion in fandom, came from this person.

(And I feel I need to point out, there were POC authors on this list from the very first iteration on. But of course, the list was created to make fandom safer for POC fans, even though the first iteration of the list before it got expanded wasn't even about Chimney or racism at all despite other claims by the person who brought it up in the last couple of days. It all started with some fics about Maddie that they didn't like, and denying that is so hilarious when their very first fic in response to it still holds the same passive-aggressive tag about "a response to that other awful fic". Yes, I did just go and check if you had changed your tags in the meantime.)

What I have seen from their posts, they don't care that they might have driven away a POC artist from this fandom permanently, again. While others who posted call out posts on Monday have apologized (though, in some cases not very honestly), this group has either not said anything about it or are now complaining about being the original victims (… I don’t even have words without getting really rude!) Or they claim they can harass someone publicly, but apologizing only works in private:

Do you really think the artist should be comfortable with having a private conversation with you after you already twisted and widely shared other private conversations they had with your friends? And do you really think attacking someone openly doesn't also deserve an open apology? What's a private apology worth if the person you hurt had to endure all that hurt openly but now isn't allowed to hear the apology just as openly?

There have been several claims that the conversation was always civil and there was no one asking for anyone to bully the artist:

(free sprace to show a new screenshot beginning)

Snapping at the artist in response to them asking for clarification isn't being polite. Sitting on your end of a private conversation and sharing this conversation around widely—I'm even assuming openly with everyone in your Discord and also probably looking for the worst meaning in every single word because I'm sure you had already made up your mind the artist had to be a spoiled white girl—is not being polite. I mean, part of this conversation was later—in this case I have to say thankfully because it cleared up one of the misinformation spread—even posted by someone who said to have not been involved until she wanted to boost your call out post. Claiming the attention their art gets is inflating their ego is not civil.

Creating a call out post at all, and then doubling down not once but twice (just counting the reposts, not the other posts about the topic being posted that same day), is so far away from being polite. Honestly, how can anyone think this is polite:

(free sprace to show a new screenshot beginning)

(free sprace to show a new screenshot beginning)

The last thing said by one of these people, I want to address this:

The way this situation went, every artist coming into this fandom in the future will very carefully think about even trying to create art about Jee-Yun. Those who already created art of Jee might decide to delete it at least from their own accounts out of fear to be hit next.

That's what your call out posts led to. And what they would have led to even if you hadn't met resistance. Wide resistance, even from people who in the past supported you. And who this time first didn't join in your call outs and later even openly spoke up against it. I truly hope those same people will step up in the future to support your victims instead of just condemning you after the damage has already been done.

I'm convinced they'll do it again, sometime in the future they'll find another victim and they'll also find once more people who'll agree with them without checking or by letting themselves be lured in by their twisted tale of it. Even now in their non-apologies (that's not including everyone who apologized, but some of them) they twist around what happened, claiming to be misunderstood or to be the victim. So they, again, clearly didn't learn anything.

I hope other parts of this fandom will have learned then to step up and support the victim even if that's sometimes a difficult step to take because it will make them a target, too, or make the situation at first worse for the victim. (I felt that way on Monday. That me getting involved would lead to the situation exploding like it did two years ago. I'm doubting this post a little because of the fear of that very thing happening, though I still feel it important to put these thoughts out there. I'm also feeling encouraged by some of the pseudo-apologies to make sure that this situation will not be forgotten. And at this point I hope if it does explode, I'll be the main target of that and not the artist.)

Why am I sure they'll find new victims in the future?

Because this is not the first time they again attacked someone over the past two years. They have targeted their old victims several times, have targeted new people, too. Both on their blogs very openly but also in their victims' comments sometimes anonymously, sometimes not. This is just the first time they found any kind of traction again. I assume because they found a victim completely new to fandom who had at the beginning no backup at all, no fandom friends to turn to for support. I do wonder now if they have found other people like this even before the events of two years ago and successfully driven them away from fandom, celebrating it in their discord server as a victory. Sadly, this also isn't the first group in fandom as a whole to behave like this. There are so many examples practically in every fandom you look at. So even if this particular group by some miracle stops being bullies, others will step into their place. So everyone else of us in fandom needs to be careful and considerate and be ready to take the risk of stepping up.

[purple-plum-petals]

OK I SAW THAT U HAD MATCHUPS OPEN I CAME RUNNING

ALSO NO RUSH, TAKE CARE OF URSELF BTW

so if its okay, i'd like a twst matchup plz!

personality;. I’m a 6w5 ENTP- except i dont really fit into the usual ENTP stereotype. it kind of actually relates to a lot of deeper psychology functions in each personality type. and i usually follow carl jung’s belief that each aspect of a personality is still in a person(even though it isnt common in them) and it can eventually be developed over time soooo yeah

in general, i can be pretty bright and chaotic but I can be super chill when i’m not in the mood for it. i kinda like being a menace and pranking people. sometimes, when I’m feeling extremely hyper, I like to make violent and/or flirty jokes. and i also laugh at my own jokes(but its kinda funny) and i also like to seem overly confident in myself. usually, im straightforward and blunt with people. however, with strangers, i’m more quiet and i won’t really talk to you unless you approach me first and then, i kinda of start smiling and being really friendly.

otherwise, i can actually be really responsible and smart. it’s just that i act dumb at first especially since it’s amusing to see how people would react to it

- Hobbiesss; i really, really like to research online about specific topics or listen to educational podcasts/documentaries/etc. or sometimes, im usually playing video games, or im simply talking to friends or sometimes, i like to chill and read

- dislikes; iii hate insects like i will cry at the sight of one. i dont like ppl who sugarcoat things and/or don’t actually mean what they say. I literally hate feeling bored like its the worst feeling in the world. i also tend to feel a little intimidated with overly tall people that are like over 6ft especially since i am 4”9

- likes; I rlly like horror moviesss/video games and music. i like video games in general too though and i rlly like learning. i also like mysterious and thriller stufffff. i also rlly like rings, i love them so much. anddd my birdss, i love my pets so muchhh- i also really like philosophy. i love math a lot mostly because i’m really good at it and especially because i love problem-solving and coming up with ideas

Thank you for sending in a match-up; I think that either Idia Shroud or Ace Trappola would be good matches for you!

Idia may be quite tall but, given how bad his posture is, his height shouldn't affect you too horribly considering he's always slouching. You two surprisingly work well together despite your differing energy levels and desire to cause mischief. You both enjoy playing video games and have vast amounts of knowledge on various topics, so Idia would enjoy spending time with you (when you're not too full of energy, that is). Idia would also find your sense of humor to be funny as he seems like the type of person who also laughs at his own jokes, so you two kind of hype each other up when the situation calls for it. He's also a very straightforward person who doesn't sugarcoat things, so most people agree that you two make a great match (even if they may not always appreciate your blunt nature). Idia would enjoy watching horror movies with you, probably laughing and pointing out different inaccuracies throughout the film. He's also a big fan of animals, especially cats, so he'd probably love to be able to pet and play with yours!

Ace would most definitely be your partner in crime. The two of you constantly get into trouble together whenever and wherever you can given that you both have fun when it comes to playing pranks on others. Ace would find your bluntness to be respectable, but also funny in certain situations since you don't sugarcoat your words (even in situations that may need a gentler delivery). He would also find it interesting that you play dumb around others, especially since he knows you’re a very intelligent and somewhat responsible person; the duality of your personality keeps him on his toes, for better or for worse. Ace, too, also hates feeling bored, so you two would probably always be doing something together whether it be visiting an amusement park or just window shopping together on Sage's Island. He also appreciates that you love horror movies since it's one of his favorite genres as well, so you two can go to the movie theatre and watch them together when you're not busy with class!

[ghostbrawl]

sent the 🐯 - nono the thing is i do know you!! youre not a stranger im just... sometimes i get spooked off, from interacting so much. because sometimes i think people just hate me and only keep me around as to not make me upset :( and thats got nothin to do with you, you didnt do anything wrong. its me with my stupid thoughts and shit. i think youre really cool and i love your art and style and you seem so confident and dont give a shit about a lot of things. im intimidated by that

tried to answer this one privately and realized i couldn't because its an anon ask haha .. welp! i still want you to hear my input on this one so it's just going to be no reblog.

i'm going to put my response under the cut though for the sake of people's dashboards and because it's somewhat mushy. continue if you dare, followers - i'll be talking in depth about, like, emotions an shit.

so i sat on this ask for a while and really rolled it around my enclosure a little bit. full disclosure i need to just say for a long time i also felt this way - by that i mean feeling as though [people just hate me and only keep me around as to not make me upset] - for various reasons.

one reason was that i had experienced real world examples of this sort of coddling many times - people online and in real life would often entertain me to my face and talk about me behind my back, mostly until i got too annoying to bear and was openly lashed out at or shunned. most of these incidents occurred when i was 16 or younger, to be fair, but they did make a mark on me.

another reason was just anxiety - if i didn't know exactly what the people around me thought, it would be safe to say those thoughts were bad. it would've verified what i thought about myself- and assuming those people already hated me allowed me to empathize with the versions of my loved ones that i created in my head. i often mourned the fact that they had to deal with me before i even knew whether they were annoyed or not.

these were the two main reasons why i often felt like people hated me, but i'm sure there were more.

i don't have an EXACT read on who you are anon, though i feel like i have an idea (you don't have to tell me, but if you'd like, reach out and send me a dm) - but personally, if we know each other, and i've not yelled at you or blocked you or told you not to talk to me, there's an incredibly decent chance (99%) that i neither hate you nor think you're annoying.

if you're my next door neighbor from two years ago, i take that back. but if you aren't, keep reading!

other than in my deepest darkest worst moments, i've pretty much trained myself out of the kneejerk assumption that my friends and loved ones hate me. i'll try not to sound preachy when i talk about why, but trust me when i say i have a point here in talking about it.

anyway - here's how i stopped doing that.

#1 - i started to model my own understandings of people's attitudes toward others based on my own attitudes.

ok i know that sounds weird or isn't very easy to understand so let me just give an example.

a technique i used a lot was just thinking through how, when, and why i liked or loved my friends. i loved my friends because they have similar interests to me, because of the history we had together, because it was easy to communicate with them, because i loved their minds and ideas, because they enriched my life (even when i didn't talk to them as much), because i was excited to hear from them + learn about their life, because i cared about them and didn't want to see them sick or hurt, because they were fun to hang out with, etc. etc etc.

then, i'd think about how i felt when one of my friends messed up, was irritating, annoying, or made me angry in some way. depending on how egregious the ill was, i reacted anywhere from pretty much none at all (for most irritations or annoyances) - to 'angry in the moment, it fades later' (for high stress situations in which i had no excuses for that friend) - to 'we seriously need to work this out' (for ongoing situations in which i was building up the strength to address).

most of the time, the irritations i encountered fell into the first category. many times i couldn't even be annoyed - i loved those friends so much that it didn't even matter, either in the very second the irritation happened or in the grand scheme of things.

in the few moments that i encountered more grave irritations such as those in the last category, what usually would happen is either that me and the other person sorted out our grievances and both agreed to change our behavior, or we parted ways.... and many of the friends i parted ways with i found wanting their company again and reconnected with them.

in evaluating myself in the context of my friends, though i can never know how, when, or why my friends love me, i know for relative certainty that when i am irritating or annoying to them, it is incidental and fades just as quickly for them as it fades for me. my friends will never be as concerned with my small flaws and ills as i am - it simply doesn't affect them nearly as much as it affects me.

^ this idea is doubly true for acquaintances and people you don't know as well as to say "friends" -- at the acquaintance level people can choose whether to get closer or to drift, factoring in time, interest, hyperfixation, location, their jobs, etc.

but this first technique only worked when i had the self-esteem to internalize the fact that other people's inner worlds were both just as complex as mine (holding complex feelings about oneself and each other) and just as simple as mine (annoyed or not? and for how long? etc)!

so another thing that really helped me was

#2 - faking confidence until i could build it properly.

i know everyone says this shit and it seems so ineffectual when it feels much more grounded and real to be cynical, to be anxious and upset with oneself.

and in many senses, it IS ineffectual - immediately. faking confidence is something that only works over years of doing it, and in faking your confidence you must also identify very real parts of yourself to be Actual Confident(tm) about and work toward feeling that way for real.

faking confidence is the sandbox where i, personally, found actual things to be proud of myself for within. when i faked confidence in my voice, way of thinking, my art, and my personality, i eventually found actual things to like in each of those aspects of myself based on how people reacted to that "front" of confidence i put up about those aspects of myself.

for a while i faced an awkward phase where my faked confidence was so intense that it manifested as arrogance and aggression toward others -- avoid this if you can . facepalm emoji.

but in presenting myself as somebody who was equal (or even greater) than other people in social situations i was in, other people pointed out things to be praised about me.

at first i'd be skeptical, but i'd keep it in the back of my mind. but over time, i'd see over and over the success of those parts of myself in social situations, artistic circles, athletic contexts, etc, and start to think "maybe i am good at [x]" or "maybe [personality trait] about me is helpful and cool", and on and on and on.

confidence and self-like is a process that builds on itself and gets easier over time. the second i began to question whether traits i had were really harmful or bad, the more i started to see reinforcing evidence of the contrary; of them being productive, healthy, interesting, worth having rather than destroying.

and the further you progress in this avenue, the easier it is to #not give a shit about things - or to respond less to attacks on the psyche or personality.

and when i reinforced + gained a respect for the parts of myself i once hated, it became easier to believe that others could admire me as much i admired them - that others could brush off my shortcomings as easily as i brushed off theirs.

recently, i hate to admit, i've had to start this process of loving myself all over again as i've started to experience a major personality shift brought on by gaining different + new responsibilities in my life. i respond differently to new circumstances so many times that i'm becoming somebody different - somebody i'm not yet prepared to love. somebody that i'm much more inclined to loathe, because i've seen the effects of my new personality traits on myself and others; not in observing my own actions, but in observing the actions of people in my life with the same personality traits such as my family.

so for now my confidence in a lot of situations is much shakier than it used to be - but the foundations i created back when are still there. when i don't believe in myself or punch down on myself i can keep it relatively contained internally and not project it onto others - or if i can't avoid projecting it, i at least understand on some level that i'm being unreasonable... and i can still keep that outward confident look pretty seamlessly while working out new insecurities from within.

trust me - i give a lot of shits, and so does every other confident person you know. we just keep it to ourselves - not to say that keeping it to oneself is inherently better, but it just helps to keep oneself from spiraling into deeper and deeper self hatred. keeping that hate on the down-low keeps it from gaining significant power.

in terms of being intimidated by other confident people....

i have nothing really to say about that. i think it's something that both affirms and worries the confident person in question - to be intimidating is to be slick and cool and impenetrable. but to be intimidating is also to be impenetrable (/neg) - impossible to see the inner life of through that glare of coolness or confidence. i guess its a double edged sword, i dunno.

but i think it gets easier to see even the intimidatingly cool as dorky, regular people when you recognize that pretty much everyone has or had crappy self image at one point. people are less intimidating when you allow the idea that they too, are people who fuck up, who go through things, who break down, who hate themselves, and who are just trying their best to seem like somebody lovable and worthwhile. and do that in order to CHASE interactions with others - and that wanting those interactions doesn't reflect badly on you or them.

but idk. i get it if u don't wanna read all that.

TLDR: ur thoughts aren't stupid and we've all been there. and i'm just some tumblr user on the internet it's really not so serious or scary. i post incessantly about robot sex and wizards instead of getting groceries. and everyone is just as stupid and dorky as the worst person you know and that's totally fine.

[veebs-hates-video-games]

Ok well. I finally went back to FF13-2 after not touching it for a couple years, and I regret it. I was about halfway through when I took a break to do something else for some reason, and after finishing (most of) the rest this past week I can say it was a terrible use of my time.

It's a shame because for the first half I kept saying it was better in most ways than the original FF13, which I overall liked more than I disliked but had some major issues with the pacing of in particular. By the end though I was getting really tired of it and didn't care enough about what was going on.

I might have less negative feelings if the final area of it weren't by far the worst and least fun part of the game and if the final boss didn't have like 17 phases. I am so tired of the combat system after like 65 hours of it in the original game and another 30+ in this one, and I think they somehow made it less fun in this one despite not changing much. If I'm going to spend most of my time sitting there let the game win fights on its own at least give me more control over the setup of it like 12 did. Everything feels like it takes forever and is way too slow when it's something I can win without much input on my end (99% of fights, like most non-boss trash), but then when it actually does require me to do stuff and it's a close fight (half of boss fights, maybe less) it feels like it goes too fast to react to some things consistently with how fiddly menuing is.

In the original the main interesting decision making was in how you set your party up, and then the fights kind of took care of themselves. In this the interesting parts of the decision making are kind of lacking because the crystarium is just straight up worse, and the way stat gains are explained is...well, they aren't, so I hope you looked it up online before making some bad choices. And then your pokemon are just straight up worse than having a third proper party member, which is unfortunate.

I was enjoying the story progression and structure of the narrative for a while. Not the best thing ever (I have Issues with FF writing and always have), but it was interesting enough to keep me going for a while. The closer I got to the end the less it was doing it for me though. Like the way the time travel is set up and the story is pieced together through that is basically what if Radiant Historia but worse, and some of the character motivations are like what if Xenoblade but worse, and then on top of that it has all the baggage of being a sequel to FF13, which was also kind of a mess itself. As usual for FF games it had a ton of interesting ideas and potential for things they could've done with them, which they then proceeded to squander 60% of like FF always seems to.

I wish I cared enough about the characters to have more to say about them, but I don't really. They're fine, I guess? Weird to have Hope playing such a big role when he was probably the party member I was least interested in in the first game, and I don't love what they did with Snow. It's kind of funny in a sad way that all of the party members of the first game show up or get mentioned somewhat regularly, except Sazh, who mostly just gets the occasional "oh right and Sazh was there too" (with a handful of minor exceptions). That fits perfectly with how the first game mistreated him too though. The big confrontation between him and Vanille is still one of my favorite character moments in a FF game, but from then on he was mostly neglected or used for comic relief, which is a shame.

Also at this point I could be happy never seeing another moogle or hearing one say kupo ever again. I was never nearly as into them as some people, and by now they've just gotten annoying to me. Squenix, you can do better cute mascot characters. Rabites are great, so why do you keep subjecting me to this instead?

Anyway, one of these days I'll learn my lesson and just not force myself to play Final Fantasy games anymore, because I feel like every time I play another one I like the entire series even less, even the ones I mostly liked. FF7R will probably be the decider for me when it goes on sale cheap enough and I finally get around to it. If it's not one of the best games I've ever played I need to set a "no Final Fantasy" policy going forward because they just aren't sparking joy. Things I do for fun shouldn't be making me this grumpy.

Oh, I almost forgot to mention that I got so tired of the final boss fight that I gave up and uninstalled it halfway through the final phase. My party setup was able to keep it in an infinite stalemate but probably couldn't actually win without a few tweaks, and I had zero interest in redoing any of that fight at all by then when it had already dragged on for so long. And I don't even care about the story enough anymore to watch the final cutscenes online or anything.

[floral-poisons]

i see your requests are open, so could i request some interactions with [dorm leaders+Lilia] an mc who still has their phone from their world(and working wifi lol), and how they would react to the technology of a different world, and the internet(the memes)

(really love your writing, pls take these hearts <3<3<3)

hi anon!! thank you so much for the hearts!! i'm so happy you love my writing since i do put a lot of effort into this blog. i'm happy to fulfill this request! it's kind of a shame that mc didn't have their own phone on them (since i presume their homeworld is ours).

MALLEUS DRACONIA

such a device was...curious. because it was kind of like his tamagotchi. but it wasn’t exactly like it. it was a smart phone that he could touch and there was access to wifi.

“is this run by magic?” malleus asks you as he scrolls through the internet.

“no. it’s run by a battery much like your tamagotchi.”

“oh i see...how interesting.” he raised his eyebrows as he looked at an image. “what could this be?”

“okay! that’s enough scrolling time for you. would not wanna radicalize you on reddit.”

LILIA VANROUGE

“malleus would love this!” was his first response when he saw your phone. “he would be into a lot of your human things since he likes the simpler stuff.”

“do you still use this?”

“yeah of course i do.” you answer. “it’s still working. besides it also means i can check up on people in my home world.”

“i see, i see. what’s tik tok?”

“oh it’s a video app.” you wouldn’t expect lilia to be scrolling for hours after that.

RIDDLE ROSEHEARTS

riddle probably had limited access to technology when he was younger. so he didn’t use his normal phone often. seeing your phone was kind of no different aside from all the different apps.

“instagram? is that your version of magicam?”

“yeah it is!” you lean closer as he scrolls through.

“that would be for cater...” he hands you the phone. “cool device. but i think i’ll stick to my own phone.”

“riddle you barely use your own phone.”

VIL SCHOENHEIT

“hmmm...vintage.” he looked at the phone. compared to the other devices, it wasn’t as advanced. it ran a lot slower too. “oh my. youtube?”

“it’s a video sight. they have a lot of videos i think you would like.” you immediately pulled up your beauty playlist.

“huh...my, my, she’s quite beautiful. who is this?” and he pointed to a very familiar face. “and who is this?”

“jackie aina. the best beauty blogger! and that’s james charles. don’t watch any of his videos. i know you would find the way he does makeup atrocious and his voice also atrocious.”

“i will take your word for it.”

LEONA KINGSCHOLAR

there wasn’t much to pique leona’s interest. he’s not too interested in technology, mostly because he’s sleeping more than being online (maybe that’s why his mental health was better than yours since he wasn’t on social media).

but the memes on the other hand? that was something that piqued his interest.

“you like kittens don’t you?” you ask with a smirk on your face.

“i mean...yeah i guess. this orange cat reminds me of cheka.” he gestures to a video of an orange cat...well, being an orange cat.

“sounds like someone has a soft spot for his nephew~” you laughed upon hearing him groan at your response.

AZUL ASHENGROTTO

“i’m very interested in these animal facts. i didn’t know octopi apparently punched fish because they felt like it!” you may have realized introducing azul to netflix was a bad idea. and candy crush. he managed to beat the first 1000 levels within two days.

“a service that has every single movie and tv show on it. i mean we have our own versions but the coral sea doesn’t exactly have internet.” azul was busy taking notes. “though these layouts could be used to improve the current ones.”

“azul stop thinking business. just relax.” you smile.

“well then i guess we can watch some disney+.”

“and this is getting too meta.” you took your phone away.

KALIM AL-ASIM

kalim’s into the memes and the vines. you regret showing him vines especially because now he’s just spouting out famous vines whenever he gets the chance to.

“two bros sitting in a hot tub five feet apart ‘cus they’re not gay!” he sings as he cooks.

“look at all these chickens!” kalim presents the large amount of chicken he made for your visit to scarabia.

“...and they were roommates...” you said.

“they were roommates!” his eyes sparkled.

IDIA SHROUD

honestly, idia could care less about the internet and whatever possibilities it has. because this type of technology doesn’t exist. and much to your disappointment, he takes your phone apart.

“idia! can you put my phone back together and give it back? please!” you whine.

he shoves a flash drive into your hand. “here’s everything from your phone. i think maybe i can incorporate some of this technology into ortho-”

“i don’t think that will work idia.”

“never say never. i can make anything work.”