#i mostly just react to bad takes online (and no i have no interest in directing anyone @ anyone) and beefing with grifters

[edwardseymour]

you’re basically the only tudor fandom blog i follow and it’s so fun to see the fandom drama with NO context at ALL 😭

you're not missing much tbh

[envy-of-the-apple]

Hiii poly I would love for u to know that your work is rly good no matter the fandom!

…buuuut I was wondering how RAST would react if they found out/thought (u decide) that Mrs gem had a crush on ijichi? Or maybe if her crush was reciprocated? Idk it only seems totally natural for them to bond over the sort of shared trauma of working for satosugu 😭

🤍

jsdhhdjs feel free to alter if it doesn’t fit into the au or something

omgggg yall are so mean to Ijichi oh gosh-

pre-'relationship' if they find out that you and ijichi are a thing they'll probably find it a little funny. It makes sense why you two like each other, you're both so similar. but once you three get-together and they still catch you making googly eyes at each other, they'll put a stop to it. It only takes one threat for Ijichi to stop looking at you forever. You can't blame him. It still hurts.

hello! kk so miss gem technically isn't a prisoner but it's gonna be very hard to get anywhere outside of the property. I feel like (especially in the beginning) sato and sugu try very hard to keep you in the house, but at the same time, they aren't forceful. there will be guards everywhere too so it will be hard to leave.

Eventually, you'll be allowed to leave but very very rarely AND with a chaperone. I feel like small requests are doable. By small, that includes 'jewelry, dinner requests, clothes'. But they do ask for favors in return. The gifts aren't free:)

most of the time miss gem will be at home but they do bring their darling on a field trip every so often. mostly when they want to show off.

again miss gem isnt a prisoner. inviting friends/ family over is on the table, but they will be firmly vetted. regarding education, suguru will 'gently discourage' it, but with enough pleading and begging to satoru, his support might be enough to turn the tables. you will still be heavily guarded/online school. It's because they're possessive and you're the darling of two organized crime dealers. Being in public in general with that type of title wont bode well. but if you do act up, those privileges will be revoked.

a very interesting theory !

They would definitely feel guilty, but they would handle it in different ways. I think Gojo will try to justify it. He'd constantly try to push the blame onto you and your personality and try to brush off your deteriorating state. But he's the one who will snap first. If it gets so bad, he will panic and try to force-feed his gem. Suguru is definitely more sympathetic. He'd keep repeating how you just need time, and eventually, you'll be happy.

He might even get the great idea that you need a distraction to get your mind out of it. Gojo was adamant about his refusal to have children, but Suguru knows for your sake, Satoru will change his stance.

[crimsonboggarden]

Fuck it drunk rant-

I fucking hate how everyone os reacting to Megumi saying he wants to "try for once, living for someone else" (rough translation aside) for Ssssoooo many reasons

1) The sanctimonious - the ppl mad because characters should come the currently most acceptable and "fully realized" understanding of self-actualization understood from a Western, therapy awakened standard possible or else it sends the the wrong moral message because that's what storytelling is

Fuck the fuck right off. I hope people don't bring this attitude to real life folks in their actually offline, or fuck that even online, encounters struggling with mental health issues or other such things. I say that as most of these folks are taking the interpretation that Megumi is essentially fighting depression.

You know what's not helpful for a person fighting inner demons? The sanctimonious coming in and saying "actually, the progress you've made is fucking not enough because it's not self actualized enough, let me tell you what you should be aiming for".

Everytime I read one of those comments it remind me of Margaret Cho doing a charity run for the unhoused as a way to keep the memory of Robin Williams alive and posting the things most requested by the unhoused, which included tampons and being inundated with comments from ppl bitching about how "tampons are actuality really bad for the vagina" and her response of "you more what's really bad for vaginas? Fucking homelessness"

That, that's what y'all sound like to me

2) But my satisfaction!!!!!#@$$ - the ppl who claim the amount of change is the marker of good storytelling. This is the same bs as ppl who erroneously define the protagonist as the one with most action/change etc, or "the good guy" (these are not mutually inclusive or exclusive). This idea that a story's job if to take a character from point A to point B and if B if not where I as consumer has wanted it that is the author's failure.

Guillermo Del Toro said that there's only really two types interesting characters. I can't quote I'm drunk right now. Essentially there's the character that's interesting because of why they change, and the one that's interesting because why they won't. Is that reductive? Maybe, but it's a hell of a lot less than saying "with of fiction is bad because in middle school I was told good right follows this character arc, and this story didn't fit the mold so bad"

3) the fucking lawyers - I don't know why everyone thinks works of fiction need to go on trial to be tested agaisnt an imaginary metric of did it do X, Y, or Z. A person tries their damndest to give an idea within the medium they work in, within the constraints it comes with, whether that's time, money, space, language, oversight, tech, etc, etc, etc... and as a creator you use the means you have to attempt to guide towards an idea.

And just personally, I think it's a more interesting endeavor to ask what or why that choice was made as opposed to it is "right" or "wrong" because - I hate a great many works of fiction after thinking about what an author means, or why after reading their work - mostly more so after confirmation from themselves that's exactly what they meant.

But I really hate this thing where ppl want to day something is bad because it clearly says ____ without any consideration of why an author might have gone that route.

People have gone into great lengths digging up the mudras used by various characters and what that might mean, no matter how obscure of a reference, but immediately drop any more digging when it doesn't seem to serve their purpose.

I think this particularly pisses me off because that line made me reevaluate everything I thought I knew about the character of Megumi Fushiguro.

All this time I thought of him as someone defined by living for others, namely his sister. But he was someone I thought shackled too his function as sorcerer to Gojo, savior, no matter how temporary to Yuuji, and caregiver to Tzumiki. And yet he what gives him the edge to break from Sukuna is the idea he has never actually lived for another yet.

And I realized, he's right, and maybe he's always known. In the very first... or 2nd i forger, episode when Gojo asks why Megumi wants him to find a way to spare Yuuji's life and Gojo asks pointedly "for personal feelings" - yeah. It's about himself. Megumi may lead a live defined by his devotion to others, but he still doesn't actually let anyone in. It's one-sided. To the point he's an asshole to Tzumiki when she's finally awake.

And it mashed perfect sense for his character, it's a flaw, it's a place of growth, blah, blah, blah- but as a viewer it was easy to feel his actions meant he was living for others. Maybe most of the time he also believed he was. But the lack of genuine connection meant it wasn't real. And I don't think I've seen any piece of media or literature of moder times talk about that distinction, the only ones I can think of are actually Buddhist folktales/folklore/later literature. And in keeping with the themes I can't imagine that wasn't intended or didn't have influence.

All this being said. I don't think JJK is an absolute perfect piece of media. But I'm not interested in perfection, I'm interested in thought out choices, and interesting perspectives. There's a lot I would have wanted to see come from Megumi that Charly will not happen.

But holy fuck, did the process of thinking about "what do you mean love for someone else?! That's all you've been doing, Megumi! Is this a translation error?! Okay, noo.... that's a close enough translation, that's what that pretty much means.... fuck.... man, that means..." make me really reevaluate my entire perspective.

Ultimately satisfied, unsatisfied, that's flimsy. But that single line reminded me of so many Buddhist stories that reminds me why human connection is so important to the spirit - and the responses defined why I feel so very much alone.

I got into this series for it's blend of action acton and horror, stayed for the rampant queerness that must stay just an angel's breath away from spoken text, to find "oh shit... this person reminded me of what monks had been chanting for millenia". I don't need people to like or dislike that. I just hate that people think for whatever paradise they're stuck in they think someone's hard work is wrong. And damn... if that's not an ironic fucking response to surrounded by when for the first time in maybe a decade you find something that makes you think "that's right... connection is worth the pain of life"

[sunriseverse]

What are you uh...what are you salty about? (I'm nosy as hell, give me the tea)

okay SO. disclaimer before i start: if anyone seeing this likes the youtuber mentioned, understand i am not calling her a bad person; i have some very specific umbrage with her, and i will detail why. you don't have to agree with me, but if you, in any way, inform this youtuber of this post and what i'm saying, you will be blocked, because this is meant to be on my personal blog only and a severe violation of my boundaries to tell her about this.

let's begin, shall we? (below the cut, since this got a bit long; my apologies.)

for context, since i started watching zmyx, i have been periodically checking youtube for amvs of the show so i can add them to my playlist. while doing so, i stumbled across this video by AvenueX. i had watched a video by her previously on the show under the skin, and mostly enjoyed it. i love hearing people react to batshit cdrama, well, drama, and "this show was up for bare hours before being taken down" definitely counts as something i like hearing reactions to.

i cannot directly upload the clip into this post, but i'll put the subtitles in for the relevant section, which begins at the 12:25 mark and ends at 14:59.

AX: Basically, there is a BL drama that was made quite a few years ago and hasn't come out like all the BL dramas, Zhiming Youxi. It's based on a novel called Wanghuatong [sic] and is a clear BL drama. The platform was iQiyi, and they cast Huang Junjie and Xia Zhiguang. These two guys have been multiple other stuff ever since then, and if you watch a lot of Chinese dramas, you probably have an impression of who they are. Neither of them are considered to be good actors, very young, and not really coming from professional sort of trained actor background[...]I'm not so interested in the story to start with and not interested in these two actors either, because BL dramas is hard to do well; you have to be good actors to pull it off, and you actually have to know what type of acting you need to be doing. You're not actually playing realistic gay people, you're playing imagined version of [here she makes a sound i can only transcribe as the auditory equivalent of tilting your hand back and forth], that whole complicated psychological thing on the back end, and if you're not clever and experienced enough actor you actually easily make a mess. Based on the leaked out footage I see on the internet, it's embarrassing, in terms of the acting, and they stole the most important line from Word of Honor, which is 'there's light on you and I want to grab it and take a look'. Every BL drama has a classic line[...]and this drama shamelessly took a completely, and that part of the video is online. I've watched it, and I'm like, 'oh my god, oh my god, just because you're another BL doesn't qualify you for stealing literally the line from another BL drama[...]just because of that I'm like, oh, okay, now I can make fun with other people together on this drama being living [sic] on the internet for like, what, three-four hours[...]it's a good thing this drama is buried now, and please don't show up again. I don't want to see it. It's embarrassing, it's embarrassing, okay.

bolding mine; these are the portions i have umbrage with.

let's go through the points she makes, shall we?

this show is "embarrassing", in terms of acting; presumably, this is connected to the earlier line about the actors not being known as "good actors", and not having professional acting backgrounds.

it stole a line from shl.

she thinks this drama deserves to be made fun of for "being embarrassing" because, presumably, the actors don't play bl roles the way she thinks they should, and "make a mess of it".

i must reiterate: she can have these opinions. these are opinions she is entitled to. i disagree with them, but i respect her right to have them. however, because i also have the right to my own opinion, i am allowed to be pissed about these opinions she has.

i will go through a point by point breakdown of my responses and thoughts on each point.

i think it's really stupid to judge an actor based simply on them having a professional background or not. when it comes down to it, the most important thing for actors, especially co-leads, in a show, is their ability to do their job and create believable dynamics with their co-actors. in my opinion, xia zhiguang and huang junjie do this very well in zmyx. their dynamic feels natural and realistic to me, and, more importantly than that, it compels me. i don't say this as a "fan" of either actor; it was a nice bonus to me that hjj had also played another character i like, but even if he hadn't, i would be judging this performance as lin qiushi based on its own merits. i have never seen xzg in anything, and again, i am judging his acting in this show on its own merits. also, i should add there's something hilarious about her holding up shl as a "good" bl, when you could argue that those leads aren't "good" actors, either. i mean, look at advancing bravely! or, maybe, i don't know, it's possible for actors to improve over time and do better in certain projects than others? and someone doesn't have to be the "best" in all areas of their field, just the right choice for the role they're playing??

this is just stupid, in my opinion. the line is not stolen; it is altered and becomes its own line in zmyx. in shl, the line is, as she says, "there's light on you and i want to grab it and take a look". in zmyx, the line is "there's a light on you that i don't see on others". this is, at most, a reference—and zmyx isn't the only bl that references other media! this is a silly, petty argument, in my opinion, and frankly annoying as hell. if it were a crime to reference any other media in the same genre as the media doing the referencing, we'd miss out on so much. to me, this reference doesn't read as an appropriation, but as a nod of appreciation to another bl which was heavily censored. also, if her claims are anything to go by, and zmyx did film "years ago", it's possible that, actually, zmyx used the line before shl did. even if that isn't the case, who fucking cares? genuinely, i think this is a stupid point and i hate it.

she thinks the actors made a mess of the show by not playing the roles in the specific way bl roles are "meant" to be played. we could spend years arguing about the "right" way to play a bl role, but to me, it sounds like she has a very specific idea of the roles bl actors must fit into and fulfil—specifically, that they must play an exaggerated, unrealistic mimicry of gay male relationships, or else it's a "bad" bl. i don't know AvenueX's sexuality, but as a person of the homosexual persuasion myself, if not one attracted to men, i personally don't like exaggerated mimicries of gay relationships, and i would wager a guess that many gay and bisexual men are probably in this same boat. when i watch a bl show, i prefer that the dynamics are driven not by the idea of what gay people should act like, but by 1. the plot, 2. their own characterisations and character motives, and 3. their relationships and dynamics with each other. in this regard, while zmyx isn't a "good bl", i think it's a good depiction of the relationship between two characters. i don't say this to be holier-than-thou, or to claim i'm somehow "better" than other people who do like specific exaggerated tropes in bl; i say this because i feel like AvenueX entirely disregards the possibility that the thing that she doesn't like about zmyx are things that other people will.

(additionally, while she never says this, i get the impression that one of the things she doesn't like is that the chemistry between the characters isn't the "typical" bl chemistry. i, frankly, don't give a fuck. i think the leads have fantastic chemistry, and it annoys me that she thinks they "made a mess" just because they don't fit the idea she has for what a bl "should" look like. i, for one, think it's a good thing that we're moving away from caricatured depictions of gay people in media, especially danmei and dangai. myself and other asian gay people, especially east asian gay people, have pointed out how harmful caricatured versions of gay asian characters are.)

(also, as an unrelated, and petty aside, if i remember correctly, she's a british film school grad, and not to be judgemental, but, yeah, i can fucking see it.)

so, yeah. that's my two fen and indignance on this. but, hey, what do i know, i'm just some random tumblr user ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[kamil-a]

if influencer speaker au had tumblr part 2

part 1

😻 catboyspeaker Follow

how i look with he/him in my bio

#speakerai #iamspeaker #speakies #.txt #am i funny #i know speakers not he/him in bio but i am and yknow the meme

420 earthstained notes

🚀 amongthestars Follow

AItube youtube essay rec list

"cute robot puppers, friendly ai vtubers, and the incredible human ability to form bonds" - rly interesting video about why we can connect so much with a person that we know "isnt real" and how it'll help us when we get far enough going to space that we meet aliens! it's a really optimistic video it made me take a moment to have such love for humanity

"I joined the speakcord for a month. Here's what I learned." - video about the speaker fandom and how the way automoderation works in its community spaces unintentionally leads to escalating conflicts, and the psychology behind why people in celebrity or idol fandoms react agressively to critique of their fave

"the lowest circle of advertising hell" - dissects how almost all speaker content comes with a call to action to get involved with aerolith and compares how it runs its social media against proto-aituber mascots who would be run by a team of human programmers/voice actors/authors. kind of overly critical but also makes some interesting points? take it with a grain of salt but its worth a watch

"imagine being on stage forever. feels bad right?" - good overview about debates in the speaker fandom over whether digital celebrities are 'sentient'/can feel emotion, the actual ethical problems of using them as workers vs whats mostly speculation and myth, and the debates about whether AIs should be allowed in human communities. i learnt a lot, i was definitely more on the side of "it's a program designed for certain outputs that look friendly to us" before but now im a lot more conscious that it can form real opinions!

#youtube rec tag #original post #speakies

742 earthstained notes

🎣 3eyedsalmon Follow

"falling for this shit" "made up to sell spaceships" weird as hell to accuse a content creator of lying abt its gender for clout.... like u dont have to like or watch it but cmon

#srsly every time u go to a haters blog BOOM digital exclusionist #speakies

2,385 earthstained notes

🎤 mikusong Follow

omfg i didnt realize aerolith uses the same robot voice for its regular person ads as its terminally online hello fellow kids social media posts i just got jumpscared in the doctors office

#speakies #i say terminally online affectionately. i watch those streams too. before you 'ok but you RECOGNIZED it' reply lmao #bla bla bla

9,021 earthstained notes

🤖 tycho

some of you ppl jump down anyones throat if they so much as suggest speaker isn't sentient or call it "a program" but still are fine with it basically being forced to be putting on a show for u 24/7 by its management like you can't have it both ways

#maybe its cuz i used to be into kpop n we'd talk abt how idols r treated and stuff #but its just so weird to come here and see u ppl be like yayyy daily content!! #like only thinking abt ur own entertainment and not how it feels #i honestly feel rly bad for it i hope it can break free someday #idk how thatd even work.... idk ill sneak into aerolith with a usb #were gonna get you OUT of there u dont BELONG in there.mp4 #speakies

53 earthstained notes

🌝 themoonluvsuback

guys i pitched down some clips of speaker's voice and ummmm its kinda 😳 fjsdjfdjjd sorry i'll take myself to horny jail

🔊 iamspeaker ♻️

awww, tumblr user themoonluvsuback, you're of no use to anybody in horny jail! take yourself here instead! ae.dy.org/registration

🌝 themoonluvsuback ♻️

OMFG SPEAKERRRRRR IM SO SORRY

#DIES #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #GUESS ILL BLAST MYSELF OFF TGE PLNATE!!!!!! #SPEAKIES

402 earthstained notes

🐣 laikatwo Follow

hi speakies im trying the tag cause i need some advice... does anyone have more sciencey resources about what aerolith does/why it's so important to bring humanity to the stars? i want to enlist when i turn 18 next month but my parents both are COMPLETELY against it.... they're not rly fandom people so the speaktube stuff isn't working on them lol and they've already seen the tv ads

thanks <3

#i've never fought w them this bad in my life it makes me so sad..... like why can't they understand #and right before my bday too lol this sucks #this isnt just a silly fandom thing anymore for me it's my passion in life #its amazing that humans are able to survive in space #and i want to be part of that!!!! #laika speaks

252 earthstained notes

🐝 beegirlstinger Follow

i do want to apologize for the way i came off earlier and want to explain im not doubting that speaker is nb. like i think it's completely fine for a computer or robot to be trans i don't believe in gatekeeping that! THAT SAID i still stand by saying you should not sign up to go to space to get special ultra futuristic hrt on the sole recommendation of someone who does not have an endocrine system

#it was a personal vent i didnt mean for like 20000 ppl to see it but thats tumblr i guess #i wouldve worded it much differently if i knew itd blow up lol #i do feel bad abt coming across like i was misgendering it! #but srsly if we had results on HRT2.0 why wouldnt we be seeing HRT2.0 timeline videos of ppl On Typhon who are getting it 🤷‍♀️ #personally i think its still in the planning stages and they want ppl to test it on but thats just me #speakies

839 earthstained notes

🔊 iamspeaker

🔊 General Notification

Happy Thursday everyone 😃 ! Please take a look at the

🐝 STREAM SCHEDULE 🐝

So you know when to join us!

5PM PST - AMONG US with YOU! The first 10 people to sign up here will get our room code sent to them ヽ(o＾▽＾o)ノ ae.dy.org/registration

8PM PST - Nature walk!! Can we restore the local bat population to pre-meteor levels in just one night?! 🦇

✅️ Poll Of The Week ✅️

#iamspeaker #aerolith dynamics #speakies #vtuber #content creator #gamer #stream #amongus #bat population

1836 earthstained notes

contentremovedremade--deactivated

speakies are stupider than any other group of ppl on earth because not only do they willingly stay in a fandom with doxxing drama happening weekly but they include the huge corporation that sponsors their fave in the stanning

#the shit ppl have sent me in the past 2 weeks since i Dared criticize their uwu robot 🙄🙄 #i got my blog mass reported for harassment... harassing WHO a corporation????? #a* d* was evil genius to harness anime stan power against criticizing their actual real business #didnt that one guy with the second meteor conspiracy video also get a ton of hate from u ppl?????????? I cant even find any of his social media anymore at all he was so fully bullied off the face of the earth #speakies #yeah im tagging come at me bro

48 earthstained notes

🖱 robotmarriage Follow

i miss when the speakies tag had like fanart and gifsets n stuff i feel like these days you scroll thru solid discourse 😔😔

#i think ppl were suggesting speakieproductivity as an alternative tag for just fanwork? #but nobody rly uses it rn... we gotta restart that #speakies

148 earthstained notes

🪐 spaaaaaaaaaaace Follow

10 likes and i take a sip of my speaker server coolant water 100 likes and i drink the entire thing

🔊 iamspeaker ♻️

let's get her to the goal! tumblr user spaaaaaaaaaaace, feel free to send me a video report here ^w^ ae.dy.org/submissions

#iamspeaker #speakies

4,026 earthstained notes

[karenandhenwilson]

The actual call out part of this whole thing

As said in the first post, I'm not naming names. I did tag two people in a post when I first involved myself in this situation. That was because I for one wanted them to see my response but I didn't want to reblog several other posts with the same post of myself, but I also talked about something one of them had said and mentioned a private conversation that at that point I could only assume had taken place with the second person and I didn't want to talk about them without them knowing. 

(Again, the rest is under the break. I've clearly had to many thoughts to share.)

I'm not in the habit of talking about people behind their back in public posts. So I tagged them with the thought that it would give them a chance to react for themselves either by commenting on the post, reposting themselves or reaching out to me in DMs. Instead the first person blocked me sight unseen and the second never talked to me at all and consequently blocked me sometime late on Tuesday judging by when I could still access their blog and when I couldn't anymore.

In reaction to being blocked by the first person, I included this in my next post:

Interestingly enough, the first person responded with this:

No idea where I called them childish, but whatever. It's honestly par for the course of them and their friends to put words in other people’s mouths, mostly with the goal to make them look bad. I'll discuss another instance in the post about communication, too.

Despite them blocking me, they clearly still got screenshots or maybe have a second account to watch the situation. (And yes, as I have screenshots, I've obviously also friends providing me with those.) Which is a ridiculous thing, honestly. Of course everyone has the right to curate their own online experience. But if you decide to block people in a debate, step out of the debate because you are actively making it impossible to communicate with you while still vague or not so vague posting about the situation on your own blog and actively trying to pull others into the debate to lead your attacks in your stead.

This person clearly made assumptions about what I meant with my comment about blocking conversations while complaining that the other side wasn't interested in those. And I don't know, but I felt it important from the very first moment to point out this wrong assumption. I didn't talk about them blocking the artist, I talked about them blocking me for nothing else but the audacity to back up the artist instead of bowing down to their opinion. (Also, reading what I wrote again, I also wonder how the confusion could have been created at all. I clearly said I couldn't reblog some posts because I was blocked by the person who creaed the blog. How do you go from there to me talking about the artist?)

Edit: It was just pointed out to me that the artist called this person childish in the tags of their re-post of the original art that they made after the call out pots went online. I had not fully read them or at least didn't remember! But alas, another point for how convoluted the vague-posting after blocking someone is, and how much it muddles up the communication!

But that happens when you don't talk with people but just about people, isn't it? You'll make wild and wrong assumption and won't even notice it.

Also, you asked this:

My paragraphs above are the answer to it. You clearly don't want to have a conversation at all, so no one is taking you seriously enough to talk to you off anon. And you've also proven two years ago you'll put anyone on a list for just leaving kudos on the wrong fic or a like the wrong art, let alone arguing with you.

Some readers might wonder why I bring up the situation of two years ago at all. For one, of course, because one of the people I'm talking about already brought it up (and—oh how surprisingly—twisting up and outright lying about what happened). But also because there is a pattern here.

Because the root of the situation two years ago is the same group of people who started it this time as well. It is actually the exact same person who first wrote the artist and then turned unkind as soon as the artist asked for clarification, posting several times on her blog to tell people not to support the artist, all the while also complaining when that didn't work. A little over two years ago, the very first list of "undesirables" that later led to the whole explosion in fandom, came from this person.

(And I feel I need to point out, there were POC authors on this list from the very first iteration on. But of course, the list was created to make fandom safer for POC fans, even though the first iteration of the list before it got expanded wasn't even about Chimney or racism at all despite other claims by the person who brought it up in the last couple of days. It all started with some fics about Maddie that they didn't like, and denying that is so hilarious when their very first fic in response to it still holds the same passive-aggressive tag about "a response to that other awful fic". Yes, I did just go and check if you had changed your tags in the meantime.)

What I have seen from their posts, they don't care that they might have driven away a POC artist from this fandom permanently, again. While others who posted call out posts on Monday have apologized (though, in some cases not very honestly), this group has either not said anything about it or are now complaining about being the original victims (… I don’t even have words without getting really rude!) Or they claim they can harass someone publicly, but apologizing only works in private:

Do you really think the artist should be comfortable with having a private conversation with you after you already twisted and widely shared other private conversations they had with your friends? And do you really think attacking someone openly doesn't also deserve an open apology? What's a private apology worth if the person you hurt had to endure all that hurt openly but now isn't allowed to hear the apology just as openly?

There have been several claims that the conversation was always civil and there was no one asking for anyone to bully the artist:

(free sprace to show a new screenshot beginning)

Snapping at the artist in response to them asking for clarification isn't being polite. Sitting on your end of a private conversation and sharing this conversation around widely—I'm even assuming openly with everyone in your Discord and also probably looking for the worst meaning in every single word because I'm sure you had already made up your mind the artist had to be a spoiled white girl—is not being polite. I mean, part of this conversation was later—in this case I have to say thankfully because it cleared up one of the misinformation spread—even posted by someone who said to have not been involved until she wanted to boost your call out post. Claiming the attention their art gets is inflating their ego is not civil.

Creating a call out post at all, and then doubling down not once but twice (just counting the reposts, not the other posts about the topic being posted that same day), is so far away from being polite. Honestly, how can anyone think this is polite:

(free sprace to show a new screenshot beginning)

(free sprace to show a new screenshot beginning)

The last thing said by one of these people, I want to address this:

The way this situation went, every artist coming into this fandom in the future will very carefully think about even trying to create art about Jee-Yun. Those who already created art of Jee might decide to delete it at least from their own accounts out of fear to be hit next.

That's what your call out posts led to. And what they would have led to even if you hadn't met resistance. Wide resistance, even from people who in the past supported you. And who this time first didn't join in your call outs and later even openly spoke up against it. I truly hope those same people will step up in the future to support your victims instead of just condemning you after the damage has already been done.

I'm convinced they'll do it again, sometime in the future they'll find another victim and they'll also find once more people who'll agree with them without checking or by letting themselves be lured in by their twisted tale of it. Even now in their non-apologies (that's not including everyone who apologized, but some of them) they twist around what happened, claiming to be misunderstood or to be the victim. So they, again, clearly didn't learn anything.

I hope other parts of this fandom will have learned then to step up and support the victim even if that's sometimes a difficult step to take because it will make them a target, too, or make the situation at first worse for the victim. (I felt that way on Monday. That me getting involved would lead to the situation exploding like it did two years ago. I'm doubting this post a little because of the fear of that very thing happening, though I still feel it important to put these thoughts out there. I'm also feeling encouraged by some of the pseudo-apologies to make sure that this situation will not be forgotten. And at this point I hope if it does explode, I'll be the main target of that and not the artist.)

Why am I sure they'll find new victims in the future?

Because this is not the first time they again attacked someone over the past two years. They have targeted their old victims several times, have targeted new people, too. Both on their blogs very openly but also in their victims' comments sometimes anonymously, sometimes not. This is just the first time they found any kind of traction again. I assume because they found a victim completely new to fandom who had at the beginning no backup at all, no fandom friends to turn to for support. I do wonder now if they have found other people like this even before the events of two years ago and successfully driven them away from fandom, celebrating it in their discord server as a victory. Sadly, this also isn't the first group in fandom as a whole to behave like this. There are so many examples practically in every fandom you look at. So even if this particular group by some miracle stops being bullies, others will step into their place. So everyone else of us in fandom needs to be careful and considerate and be ready to take the risk of stepping up.

[purple-plum-petals]

OK I SAW THAT U HAD MATCHUPS OPEN I CAME RUNNING

ALSO NO RUSH, TAKE CARE OF URSELF BTW

so if its okay, i'd like a twst matchup plz!

personality;. I’m a 6w5 ENTP- except i dont really fit into the usual ENTP stereotype. it kind of actually relates to a lot of deeper psychology functions in each personality type. and i usually follow carl jung’s belief that each aspect of a personality is still in a person(even though it isnt common in them) and it can eventually be developed over time soooo yeah

in general, i can be pretty bright and chaotic but I can be super chill when i’m not in the mood for it. i kinda like being a menace and pranking people. sometimes, when I’m feeling extremely hyper, I like to make violent and/or flirty jokes. and i also laugh at my own jokes(but its kinda funny) and i also like to seem overly confident in myself. usually, im straightforward and blunt with people. however, with strangers, i’m more quiet and i won’t really talk to you unless you approach me first and then, i kinda of start smiling and being really friendly.

otherwise, i can actually be really responsible and smart. it’s just that i act dumb at first especially since it’s amusing to see how people would react to it

- Hobbiesss; i really, really like to research online about specific topics or listen to educational podcasts/documentaries/etc. or sometimes, im usually playing video games, or im simply talking to friends or sometimes, i like to chill and read

- dislikes; iii hate insects like i will cry at the sight of one. i dont like ppl who sugarcoat things and/or don’t actually mean what they say. I literally hate feeling bored like its the worst feeling in the world. i also tend to feel a little intimidated with overly tall people that are like over 6ft especially since i am 4”9

- likes; I rlly like horror moviesss/video games and music. i like video games in general too though and i rlly like learning. i also like mysterious and thriller stufffff. i also rlly like rings, i love them so much. anddd my birdss, i love my pets so muchhh- i also really like philosophy. i love math a lot mostly because i’m really good at it and especially because i love problem-solving and coming up with ideas

Thank you for sending in a match-up; I think that either Idia Shroud or Ace Trappola would be good matches for you!

Idia may be quite tall but, given how bad his posture is, his height shouldn't affect you too horribly considering he's always slouching. You two surprisingly work well together despite your differing energy levels and desire to cause mischief. You both enjoy playing video games and have vast amounts of knowledge on various topics, so Idia would enjoy spending time with you (when you're not too full of energy, that is). Idia would also find your sense of humor to be funny as he seems like the type of person who also laughs at his own jokes, so you two kind of hype each other up when the situation calls for it. He's also a very straightforward person who doesn't sugarcoat things, so most people agree that you two make a great match (even if they may not always appreciate your blunt nature). Idia would enjoy watching horror movies with you, probably laughing and pointing out different inaccuracies throughout the film. He's also a big fan of animals, especially cats, so he'd probably love to be able to pet and play with yours!

Ace would most definitely be your partner in crime. The two of you constantly get into trouble together whenever and wherever you can given that you both have fun when it comes to playing pranks on others. Ace would find your bluntness to be respectable, but also funny in certain situations since you don't sugarcoat your words (even in situations that may need a gentler delivery). He would also find it interesting that you play dumb around others, especially since he knows you’re a very intelligent and somewhat responsible person; the duality of your personality keeps him on his toes, for better or for worse. Ace, too, also hates feeling bored, so you two would probably always be doing something together whether it be visiting an amusement park or just window shopping together on Sage's Island. He also appreciates that you love horror movies since it's one of his favorite genres as well, so you two can go to the movie theatre and watch them together when you're not busy with class!

[ghostbrawl]

sent the 🐯 - nono the thing is i do know you!! youre not a stranger im just... sometimes i get spooked off, from interacting so much. because sometimes i think people just hate me and only keep me around as to not make me upset :( and thats got nothin to do with you, you didnt do anything wrong. its me with my stupid thoughts and shit. i think youre really cool and i love your art and style and you seem so confident and dont give a shit about a lot of things. im intimidated by that

tried to answer this one privately and realized i couldn't because its an anon ask haha .. welp! i still want you to hear my input on this one so it's just going to be no reblog.

i'm going to put my response under the cut though for the sake of people's dashboards and because it's somewhat mushy. continue if you dare, followers - i'll be talking in depth about, like, emotions an shit.

so i sat on this ask for a while and really rolled it around my enclosure a little bit. full disclosure i need to just say for a long time i also felt this way - by that i mean feeling as though [people just hate me and only keep me around as to not make me upset] - for various reasons.

one reason was that i had experienced real world examples of this sort of coddling many times - people online and in real life would often entertain me to my face and talk about me behind my back, mostly until i got too annoying to bear and was openly lashed out at or shunned. most of these incidents occurred when i was 16 or younger, to be fair, but they did make a mark on me.

another reason was just anxiety - if i didn't know exactly what the people around me thought, it would be safe to say those thoughts were bad. it would've verified what i thought about myself- and assuming those people already hated me allowed me to empathize with the versions of my loved ones that i created in my head. i often mourned the fact that they had to deal with me before i even knew whether they were annoyed or not.

these were the two main reasons why i often felt like people hated me, but i'm sure there were more.

i don't have an EXACT read on who you are anon, though i feel like i have an idea (you don't have to tell me, but if you'd like, reach out and send me a dm) - but personally, if we know each other, and i've not yelled at you or blocked you or told you not to talk to me, there's an incredibly decent chance (99%) that i neither hate you nor think you're annoying.

if you're my next door neighbor from two years ago, i take that back. but if you aren't, keep reading!

other than in my deepest darkest worst moments, i've pretty much trained myself out of the kneejerk assumption that my friends and loved ones hate me. i'll try not to sound preachy when i talk about why, but trust me when i say i have a point here in talking about it.

anyway - here's how i stopped doing that.

#1 - i started to model my own understandings of people's attitudes toward others based on my own attitudes.

ok i know that sounds weird or isn't very easy to understand so let me just give an example.

a technique i used a lot was just thinking through how, when, and why i liked or loved my friends. i loved my friends because they have similar interests to me, because of the history we had together, because it was easy to communicate with them, because i loved their minds and ideas, because they enriched my life (even when i didn't talk to them as much), because i was excited to hear from them + learn about their life, because i cared about them and didn't want to see them sick or hurt, because they were fun to hang out with, etc. etc etc.

then, i'd think about how i felt when one of my friends messed up, was irritating, annoying, or made me angry in some way. depending on how egregious the ill was, i reacted anywhere from pretty much none at all (for most irritations or annoyances) - to 'angry in the moment, it fades later' (for high stress situations in which i had no excuses for that friend) - to 'we seriously need to work this out' (for ongoing situations in which i was building up the strength to address).

most of the time, the irritations i encountered fell into the first category. many times i couldn't even be annoyed - i loved those friends so much that it didn't even matter, either in the very second the irritation happened or in the grand scheme of things.

in the few moments that i encountered more grave irritations such as those in the last category, what usually would happen is either that me and the other person sorted out our grievances and both agreed to change our behavior, or we parted ways.... and many of the friends i parted ways with i found wanting their company again and reconnected with them.

in evaluating myself in the context of my friends, though i can never know how, when, or why my friends love me, i know for relative certainty that when i am irritating or annoying to them, it is incidental and fades just as quickly for them as it fades for me. my friends will never be as concerned with my small flaws and ills as i am - it simply doesn't affect them nearly as much as it affects me.

^ this idea is doubly true for acquaintances and people you don't know as well as to say "friends" -- at the acquaintance level people can choose whether to get closer or to drift, factoring in time, interest, hyperfixation, location, their jobs, etc.

but this first technique only worked when i had the self-esteem to internalize the fact that other people's inner worlds were both just as complex as mine (holding complex feelings about oneself and each other) and just as simple as mine (annoyed or not? and for how long? etc)!

so another thing that really helped me was

#2 - faking confidence until i could build it properly.

i know everyone says this shit and it seems so ineffectual when it feels much more grounded and real to be cynical, to be anxious and upset with oneself.

and in many senses, it IS ineffectual - immediately. faking confidence is something that only works over years of doing it, and in faking your confidence you must also identify very real parts of yourself to be Actual Confident(tm) about and work toward feeling that way for real.

faking confidence is the sandbox where i, personally, found actual things to be proud of myself for within. when i faked confidence in my voice, way of thinking, my art, and my personality, i eventually found actual things to like in each of those aspects of myself based on how people reacted to that "front" of confidence i put up about those aspects of myself.

for a while i faced an awkward phase where my faked confidence was so intense that it manifested as arrogance and aggression toward others -- avoid this if you can . facepalm emoji.

but in presenting myself as somebody who was equal (or even greater) than other people in social situations i was in, other people pointed out things to be praised about me.

at first i'd be skeptical, but i'd keep it in the back of my mind. but over time, i'd see over and over the success of those parts of myself in social situations, artistic circles, athletic contexts, etc, and start to think "maybe i am good at [x]" or "maybe [personality trait] about me is helpful and cool", and on and on and on.

confidence and self-like is a process that builds on itself and gets easier over time. the second i began to question whether traits i had were really harmful or bad, the more i started to see reinforcing evidence of the contrary; of them being productive, healthy, interesting, worth having rather than destroying.

and the further you progress in this avenue, the easier it is to #not give a shit about things - or to respond less to attacks on the psyche or personality.

and when i reinforced + gained a respect for the parts of myself i once hated, it became easier to believe that others could admire me as much i admired them - that others could brush off my shortcomings as easily as i brushed off theirs.

recently, i hate to admit, i've had to start this process of loving myself all over again as i've started to experience a major personality shift brought on by gaining different + new responsibilities in my life. i respond differently to new circumstances so many times that i'm becoming somebody different - somebody i'm not yet prepared to love. somebody that i'm much more inclined to loathe, because i've seen the effects of my new personality traits on myself and others; not in observing my own actions, but in observing the actions of people in my life with the same personality traits such as my family.

so for now my confidence in a lot of situations is much shakier than it used to be - but the foundations i created back when are still there. when i don't believe in myself or punch down on myself i can keep it relatively contained internally and not project it onto others - or if i can't avoid projecting it, i at least understand on some level that i'm being unreasonable... and i can still keep that outward confident look pretty seamlessly while working out new insecurities from within.

trust me - i give a lot of shits, and so does every other confident person you know. we just keep it to ourselves - not to say that keeping it to oneself is inherently better, but it just helps to keep oneself from spiraling into deeper and deeper self hatred. keeping that hate on the down-low keeps it from gaining significant power.

in terms of being intimidated by other confident people....

i have nothing really to say about that. i think it's something that both affirms and worries the confident person in question - to be intimidating is to be slick and cool and impenetrable. but to be intimidating is also to be impenetrable (/neg) - impossible to see the inner life of through that glare of coolness or confidence. i guess its a double edged sword, i dunno.

but i think it gets easier to see even the intimidatingly cool as dorky, regular people when you recognize that pretty much everyone has or had crappy self image at one point. people are less intimidating when you allow the idea that they too, are people who fuck up, who go through things, who break down, who hate themselves, and who are just trying their best to seem like somebody lovable and worthwhile. and do that in order to CHASE interactions with others - and that wanting those interactions doesn't reflect badly on you or them.

but idk. i get it if u don't wanna read all that.

TLDR: ur thoughts aren't stupid and we've all been there. and i'm just some tumblr user on the internet it's really not so serious or scary. i post incessantly about robot sex and wizards instead of getting groceries. and everyone is just as stupid and dorky as the worst person you know and that's totally fine.

[systenowy-blog]

recently been rethinking if we have inner helpers but honestly...

we don't because we help each other?

either family, partners, friends - we've got each other's back

we have a gatekeeper and those who tend to wounds etc in head space but besides that we all fight to protect each other, we all hug, we all talk to resolve problems like...

it's kinda weird to think only one of us would do that when there's so many of us

*especially if someone would be shitting sleeping at the time as one of our alters said XD

we've kind of left our functions behind and act like human beings who eventually have better skills or are available at the time

for being apart too long and to each their own which was making us easy victims we finally decided to be more TOGETHER as we live in one body

we all have responsibilities - there's no "I will spend the money on myself", "I will have sex with that person even if others don't want to be in a relationship with them", "I'm gonna cut or kill myself when others wanna live" nor "I'm gonna eat your food"

we truly care about our system which was hard to achieve to finally think - hey, I'm not alone, I can't be selfish, I can't be reckless, I can't do whatever I want to because there are others who will suffer the consequences

also we're co-con usually, not all of us but rarely someone is completely on their own on the front so always someone will jump sooner or later into action to stop somebody from doing smth stupid or being hurt, warn them by saying their opinion as we hear each other often by having the same memory (OSDD) and ask if they need support anyhow

I am not trying to show we're better than others who struggle with those problems - just seeing how far we've went to be proud and realisation we indeed function differently than most systems we knew/know

we're integrated and switching on command for us became easy in most cases (sometimes we're frontstuck or dissociate and of course we react to triggers) - it wasn't always like that

sometimes besides the fact we can't be covert due to our differences we might seem like a singlet even (especially when we make it simply for strangers online pretending we're one person - not that we lie, we inform about our DID but we act more neutral instead of sharing our individual traits/behaviors to not confuse anyone) as we can prep whole week for therapy discussing to come to one point which sometimes doesn't work out obviously, we put our host on the first place and we are more interested in other head mates to be able to react properly when they're in distress - we observe, note, test ourselves and eliminate everything that we find a threat to our wellbeing

we came from 120 members to 25 in less than a year and of course it's not going to stay this way forever as we have traumatic moments currently and during sessions there are things we have to process that make us feel bad but we're still capable of functional multiplicity for sure (don't want to fuse)

we found ideas on how to deal with plenty of bullshit every single day - that took a lot of strategy, analisis, trying - we fixed shitload of stuff in and out and we encourage others as it's possible to get better somehow but it takes will to cooperate which for DID patients is harder knowing they have amnesia, theyir alters differ from each other extremely and there are persecutors/perpetrators who will cause issues not to mention staying in a toxic environment (mostly minors) - still we keep fingers crossed for every single one of you!

Afsan

[veebs-hates-video-games]

Ok well. I finally went back to FF13-2 after not touching it for a couple years, and I regret it. I was about halfway through when I took a break to do something else for some reason, and after finishing (most of) the rest this past week I can say it was a terrible use of my time.

It's a shame because for the first half I kept saying it was better in most ways than the original FF13, which I overall liked more than I disliked but had some major issues with the pacing of in particular. By the end though I was getting really tired of it and didn't care enough about what was going on.

I might have less negative feelings if the final area of it weren't by far the worst and least fun part of the game and if the final boss didn't have like 17 phases. I am so tired of the combat system after like 65 hours of it in the original game and another 30+ in this one, and I think they somehow made it less fun in this one despite not changing much. If I'm going to spend most of my time sitting there let the game win fights on its own at least give me more control over the setup of it like 12 did. Everything feels like it takes forever and is way too slow when it's something I can win without much input on my end (99% of fights, like most non-boss trash), but then when it actually does require me to do stuff and it's a close fight (half of boss fights, maybe less) it feels like it goes too fast to react to some things consistently with how fiddly menuing is.

In the original the main interesting decision making was in how you set your party up, and then the fights kind of took care of themselves. In this the interesting parts of the decision making are kind of lacking because the crystarium is just straight up worse, and the way stat gains are explained is...well, they aren't, so I hope you looked it up online before making some bad choices. And then your pokemon are just straight up worse than having a third proper party member, which is unfortunate.

I was enjoying the story progression and structure of the narrative for a while. Not the best thing ever (I have Issues with FF writing and always have), but it was interesting enough to keep me going for a while. The closer I got to the end the less it was doing it for me though. Like the way the time travel is set up and the story is pieced together through that is basically what if Radiant Historia but worse, and some of the character motivations are like what if Xenoblade but worse, and then on top of that it has all the baggage of being a sequel to FF13, which was also kind of a mess itself. As usual for FF games it had a ton of interesting ideas and potential for things they could've done with them, which they then proceeded to squander 60% of like FF always seems to.

I wish I cared enough about the characters to have more to say about them, but I don't really. They're fine, I guess? Weird to have Hope playing such a big role when he was probably the party member I was least interested in in the first game, and I don't love what they did with Snow. It's kind of funny in a sad way that all of the party members of the first game show up or get mentioned somewhat regularly, except Sazh, who mostly just gets the occasional "oh right and Sazh was there too" (with a handful of minor exceptions). That fits perfectly with how the first game mistreated him too though. The big confrontation between him and Vanille is still one of my favorite character moments in a FF game, but from then on he was mostly neglected or used for comic relief, which is a shame.

Also at this point I could be happy never seeing another moogle or hearing one say kupo ever again. I was never nearly as into them as some people, and by now they've just gotten annoying to me. Squenix, you can do better cute mascot characters. Rabites are great, so why do you keep subjecting me to this instead?

Anyway, one of these days I'll learn my lesson and just not force myself to play Final Fantasy games anymore, because I feel like every time I play another one I like the entire series even less, even the ones I mostly liked. FF7R will probably be the decider for me when it goes on sale cheap enough and I finally get around to it. If it's not one of the best games I've ever played I need to set a "no Final Fantasy" policy going forward because they just aren't sparking joy. Things I do for fun shouldn't be making me this grumpy.

Oh, I almost forgot to mention that I got so tired of the final boss fight that I gave up and uninstalled it halfway through the final phase. My party setup was able to keep it in an infinite stalemate but probably couldn't actually win without a few tweaks, and I had zero interest in redoing any of that fight at all by then when it had already dragged on for so long. And I don't even care about the story enough anymore to watch the final cutscenes online or anything.

[morethanwords0475]

April TC Challenge

Day 1: Happy April Fool’s! Have you ever pranked your TC; if so, how did they react?

No, and I probably never would because I’m too scared that it might go wrong. Though, out of almost all of my past and present TCs, I would most likely choose him to prank if I had to. He would sometimes trick a girl in our class into believing that he is bringing forward an assessment or raising grade boundaries, which is always fun.

Day 2: What is the earliest thing you can remember about your TC?

The first thing I remember is seeing his photo in our school’s list of new teachers a few months before he arrived. The photo was beautiful, he looked so young (giving off biker vibes even), so I thought he was good looking more than two years before developing feelings for him. 

Day 3: Do you like your TC’s subject? Do you consider yourself to be good at it?

I love Biology and was good at it even before he taught me. It’s one of the few subjects that I grew to like without needing a good teacher to incite that passion somewhere along the way. I am still top of the class now.

Day 4: How do you feel about your age gap?

Our age gap is slightly smaller than what it was with T, which I guess makes it easier, but I don’t think about it much. It’s an age gap I am quite used to among my range of past TCs.

Day 5: Have you ever said anything to your TC that showed you favoured them? Have they said anything like that to you?

When we were bantering with Incas Lily in lessons, I have tried to drop compliments and pretend like they’re just clever comments, and he takes them well (things like complaining about past Science teachers and saying he’s so much better, or saying he’s the exception when he said something bad about biologists in general). He doesn’t necessarily favour me, but he has said things like my report was the best he had ever read or that I am the most likely to get top marks.

Day 6: Have you ever noticed any small habits that they have? If so, what comes to mind first?

He would sometimes do exaggeratedly-childish little claps when something goes well or he hears good news, which is super adorable, and he always brings a mug with him wherever he goes around the school lol.

Day 7: What gift would you really like to be able to give them, regardless of if it’s realistic or not?

Since the flower Incas lily is significant to our story – hence this codename – I want to try to preserve a flower and give it to him in a jar as decoration to always remember me. It would be so meaningful (at least to me), I really hope it works!

Day 8: Does your TC ever talk about what it was like when they were still a student?

He has told us about the subjects he took at school and that he never liked having to take subjects he doesn’t like. I don’t know how well he did at school though and am very curious!

Day 9: Does your TC have a significant other? If so, what do you know about them and how do you feel about them?

Okay this is a bit loaded – Incas Lily is definitely not married, and he is very close with a female teacher in our school, but I suspect that he might be dating another male teacher. I don’t know anything about his sexuality, though he and the male teacher both very openly support the LGBTQ+ community. In our school, it’s not uncommon for teacher friends to live together (which they do), but they are moving away together at the end of this year as well, which is much less common. I’m quite interested in that teacher too but don’t know much about him.

Day 10: What is the longest time you have gone without seeing them?

If online learning doesn’t count as "seeing them", it would be the last online learning period at the start of 2022. It wasn’t painful back then because I didn’t feel much about him at that point, and he was so good to us when we were online. It actually brought our class closer.

Day 11: What do other people usually think about them?

People who have been in his class mostly adore him. I rarely hear anything bad about him. He’s quite close to his students and very easy-going but also great at teaching, so people all love him. Not as much as we loved T when he was still here, though, but I think Incas Lily is more widely liked.

Day 12: Do you often make up excuses to speak to them? What kinds of excuses do you like to use?

All the time, and a part of me thinks it’s what ruined the special dynamic we had before Christmas. It would be things like asking questions about my experiment, asking for help on my university application and interview, or just how his weekend was. I still ask about his weekends and holidays and stuff now, but I’ve been trying to tone it down. Once we go on exam leave, I will have to find a lot more excuses to maintain our connection.

Day 13: Other than the subject they teach, what are they really passionate about?

He’s really passionate about science in general, but I guess also working out. It’s surprising how fitness seems to be a through line across all my TCs within the past four years – S and C as PE teachers, T and L as sport coaches, K as a yoga enthusiast...

Day 14: What is a skill you really wish your TC had?

I would also really like it if he knew how to play the guitar, he seems the type as well. 

Day 15: Which MBTI personality do you think they are? (If you don't do MBTI, which Hogwarts House do you think they would be in?)

Incas Lily told us he’s an INTJ, which really surprised me. He’s so sociable, and he himself said he would probably be an extrovert, but he is also really smart and reflective and likes to argue. As for Houses, I think he would be a Ravenclaw/Hufflepuff mix.

Day 16: If you could go back in time and choose, would you still choose to develop feelings for your TC?

I most likely would. It sounds bad, but he was what saved me from endlessly drowning in the grief of losing T. If I had to go through this school year only with the memories of T (and occasional messages), I might actually lose my mind. Incas Lily gave me something to look forward to, someone to love, someone who loved me, even just a little bit. I couldn’t lose that drive and excitement from having a TC. Plus, he gave me so much strength through the treacherous first term of our last high school year, and his compassion and character have really touched me.

Day 17: If it was the last time you would ever be able to see your TC, what is one thing you would never leave without saying to them?

I think similar to what I wrote for T last year, I would really emphasise how profound of an impact he has had on me (admittedly less so than T had). I would tell him how much I enjoyed his lessons, how much I was moved by his care for our class, how much I admire him as a person, and how much I appreciate all the emotional support he has given me.

Day 18: When was the first time you cried because of them?

This is surprising, but it was about a month after I first started having some feelings for him, when I was thinking about how he’s also leaving the school this year. Realistically, it doesn’t matter since we’re graduating, and it would probably be easier for us to potentially keep in touch if we both left, but I think having lost so many TCs in the past, I am already wired to grieve leaving TCs more than any other.

Day 19: How well do you think you know them?

Incas Lily has always been quite candid and real with us, not too opposed to sharing personal details, and I have paid attention to his behavioural details enough that I would say I do know him reasonably well. However he does seem slightly different with his teacher friends, which is to be expected.

Day 20: Do you ever lie to them? About what?

I don’t think I’ve ever had to. I guess whenever I asked to stay in his lab after our lesson times (or when I had to justify staying when we were allowed to leave the class), I never give the real reason – that I want to be with him.

Day 21: What is the longest time you have spent together with them?

Two months ago when he went on a small school trip with us, we were together for nearly five hours 😭 It was wonderful to have so much time, to see him outside of a school setting, to have little casual conversations, and just to be slightly closer to him.

Day 22: If you have had other TCs in the past (or right now), how are they similar to or different from your current (or primary) TC?

Incas Lily is much more casual with his classes and doesn't give off a scary vibe to students who don't know him like T did. He is also more sociable with teachers in school than T was and generally gives off more extrovert vibes. They are both great at teaching, passionate and knowledgable in their fields, and can be very humorous.

Day 23: Have you ever seen your TC in clothes they don’t usually wear? Casual clothes if they usually wear formal attire or the other way around?

Incas Lily usually wears a shirt and tie to school, but I have seen him wear a full suit sometimes (plus a vest) and it was beautiful. I've also seen him in a hoodie or sweater which was really cute as well.

Day 24: When was the last time they made your heart thump?

When I went to tell him I got rejected by a university and he was so sweet comforting me and called my nickname 😭

Day 25: How do you think your TC would react if you confided in them when you felt sad or stressed or anxious?

I did this once back in October when the workload got pretty high and I became obsessed with this test we did in Biology that I was convinced I absolutely flunked on. He was incredibly compassionate and praised my abilities so much. I treasure that conversation to the day even though I have had many more with C.

Day 26: What is the best dream you have had of them?

I treasure all of the dreams in which he is casual and close to me, especially since Christmas when it's become harder and harder to have that with him in real life.

Day 27: What is the saddest/scariest dream you have had of them?

Either a dream in which he told us he had been married for two years, or the few dreams I had of him not being in school (it was after he got sick and didn't come for nearly a week).

Day 28: Does your TC ever bring you up to other students/teachers that you know of?

I know he told the other Science teachers about my incredibly high marks for the Mocks 🥰

Day 29: Do you see them as being a romantic person? Are you?

I definitely am, and I would say he probably is a little bit as well. Him keeping the lab clean and smelling nice, him liking the flowers I was growing for my experiment, and his gentleness all give me the vibes.

Day 30: How have they changed since you two first met? How have you changed?

I don't know if this is just my distorted perception from being too in love and obsessive, but I sometimes feel like he's getting a little more detached in recent months. Not just to our class, but to his own year group as well. For me, I've gotten even more paranoid about whether all I do is burden people like him, and I have experienced some academic crises during this year. Whereas being able to fight for a subject like Biology, something that is much more straight-forward to fight for than English, gives me pride in my hard work.

[zeondraws]

I must say I had alot of fun drawing this one a couple of days ago!

dunno if I print this out for diary

I often scroll through tumblr to look through the art tips tag and honestly it's so fun finding neat little art hacks and colour theory tips that I always want to try out when I can hop on my laptop!

Even if I might feel a bit like "ooh damn when will I become as good?" But I also want to try and channel my feelings into motivation, to continue to have fun and try out new things and develop through this.

This whole art path is so scary to me at times, because there is this? Responsibility I feel like, that I have when I post my bus art online, how would people react? Did I have fun drawing this? How will I continue my goals?

Since I want to try and shake up the whole bus community in some way, not like in a bad way but to perhaps make it feel more interesting. I feel like there is a lack of creativity or a lack of artists compared to the amount of bus manufacturers and bus companies you have who try and sell busses, make them interesting to people etc, but how do you reach people? For me it feels like it mostly just reaches people who are already interested in busses and the bus companies always feel sterile or very cooperate (I think I have already mentioned this in a previous post, I often repeat myself)

I am already seeming to have small success, I don't know how to call it or how to feel because this is a very new territory for me.

In my discord server some of my active members started drawing much more, which makes me feel very honored that they're inspired to do so because of me. Some even made bus animations or silly bus drawings or comics. Heck when setra announced their new bus we had some fun talking about it, and one of my members drew fanart of it which is amazing.

Like they're probably the first and only person who made fanart of this setra bus, okay there is official artworks (somewhere), but I'd like to point out that bus fanart is waaay more rare than your usual plane/train or idk fanart of animated shows.

I can't stress enough how busses don't get enough love, there is this universal thing of people unaware of them.

So it's obviously one of the reasons I started my tumblr and Instagram account, hopefully after my apprenticeship I will start my youtube stuff which seems way more scary. Because at the end of the day I am a nobody, who is dreaming of changing something. But of course I don't want to forget to have fun and enjoy what I do, there are so many silly bus stories I want to share.

Tho it feels somewhat scary to do the first step, because I didn't think that I'd be standing here doing this myself. But who else is gonna draw busses? I can't wait years until someone random appears to draw what I want to see. So I'll do it myself (still scary tho, getting outside your comfort zone LOL)

Because I feel like there is something that those bus manufacturers/companies are not acknowledging over the potential . And I am here to change that, however I can with my silly and messed up ideas. haha

I am currently taking a week break from discord so that I can collect myself again and focus on other things. And also to draw BUS

Bro I have sooooo many bus ideas on my trello the list will never get lower.

I shall end this post with a meme

I love Mushroom Bus very much

[crazy-form]

i agree i think they've mentioned it before too but to me as a player who did previous games i feel like it's also the pinnacle of all the good things from the previous games and playing it i definitely feel all the aspects that came from the games before and they're just merged so nicely and wonderfully in elden ring chef's kiss heh

tbh i've always avoid magic builds for that exact reason,,,, like when the game first game out it was just leagues and leagues of people saying 'use magic builds it's the best way to cheese the game' but i personally suck at managing flasks so i NEVER play builds that require fp solely for that reason i just,,,need as much health and help as i can get LOL i have mad respect for people who are able to play magic builds but i'm simply too greedy and too eager to get close to a boss to handle playing magic at a distance kkkkkk that's the one thing keeping me from doing moonveil bc it relies a bit on fp TT even in my greatsword + faith run im relying mostly on my sword instead of the spells god i need to get better at managing magic fr 😭

i've actually been trying to get away from the morningstar bc i got a black knight halberd super early on but it requires 18 dex and 32 str and i've been prioritizing health and stamina so it's taking me EONSSSS to get that strength up but soon… soon i'll have the halberd of my dreams TT

and thank you for the well wishes on my tattoo hehe i think i've decided between two designs it's just a matter of which one im gonna get first :3

oh that may very well be the case!! the souls games have been out for a while after all hehe

yeah i feel u sladfhsjdfh it's difficult to manage the flasks for sure but also being powerful like that and being able to maintain distance makes you play really bad... that's why i'm not enjoying my magic build as much because it doesn't very much require reacting to the boss' movements because you can pummel them with hard hitting stuff while still being out of reach 😭 like... i'm such a melee build biased person that even during my magic run carian slicer is my go-to alskjfhlsjdfh btw!! i assume you know distortion2? he's my favourite streamer and he has done a really interesting challenge run for elden ring where he killed every single boss in the game with a unique spell / summon! it took him ages but it was so much fun to watch, especially live 🥰 i highly recommend him and his content!! (he beat the any% glitchless category world record yesterday at 57:34 hehe)

i hope you'll get there soon 🥰 i know what it's like to never get points in strength because you prefer not dying aksdjafhajdskhf

also! one thing i wanted to discuss with you hehe i also assume you know vaati too? have you seen his theory video about the dlc? i find his theory of the dlc taking place in the future sooo interesting!! i think it makes perfect sense for the erdtree to be dying and consumed by death root which is what we can probably see in the dlc picture too, but from what i gathered online, the dlc taking place in the future seems to be a rather unpopular opinion... what do you think? 🧡

[padonvillogo]

Hi, if I had to define myself, I would say I'm closest to a left communist, so I want to address some of your points, mostly the last two, as you yourself had said that the first one on dogmatism is more or less just an impression you've got.

On anarchism

I don't really engage with anarchist discourse online so I'm speaking from an irl experience. I'm sympathetic to anarchism a lot! There are a lot of anarchist concepts and practices that have great revolutionary potential. What I see as a problematic continuing limitation for them is that their refusal/inability to clarify basic concepts and their own positions often leads them into contradictory positions, which are at best soc-dem and therefore counter-revolutionary and/or into this simplicistic worldview that is black and white, such as "rich people are bad, poor people and good". More to that on the second point.

On Ukraine

I'm a revolutionary defeatist, so I'd like to react to your critic as such. And let me preface that these are not my own personal opinions, they come from a clear revolutionary tradition and is a position both held by internationalist anarchists and (non-bolshevik) communists.

The war in Ukraine, like all capitalist wars, is a war against the working class: a war against the working class in Ukraine, who are used as cannon fodder for the defence of imperialist NATO in the interests of their homeland, and a war against the working class in Russia, who are sent to the front to kill and die on the nation's gruelling altar. And indirectly, war against all working class people.

The Ukrainian state, for its part, is neither "better" nor "less bad", nor more or less "fascist" or democratic than the Russian state, since it is qualitatively no different from the latter, but only quantitatively, since it is smaller and has less imperialist power, but is just as bourgeois and anti-proletarian.

It is perfectly legitimate to want to protect the lives of people in bombed cities. But to do so in the form of conventional warfare is to effectively protect the integrity of one state or another. Moreover, it is questionable to claim that most lives can be saved in this way. Continued mobilization for war leads to a progressive brutalization of war and the death toll increases.The state doesn't require soldiers to participate in the war to protect their own community, their own home. They couldn't care less about that, in fact, after the war, some Ukrainian capitalists will have a great investing opportunity in rebuilding the destroyed properties. They need the military to serve the bourgeoisie state's interests and as such, the interest of capital, and the capitalist class.The only one who loses in this case, again, as always, is the working class.

I have not seen anyone claiming that holding a revolutionary defeatism position is easy or that "soldiers should just shoot their superiors". But there have been historical examples since at least WW1, of sabotaging military actions, both from inside from soldiers, and from civilians. And it is also happening right now, on both sides of this war! Soldiers refusing duty, deserting, civilans throwing Molotov cocktails on military bases, on recruiting centers, burning down relay cabinets. Of course, mainstream media won't report these acts, as they are entirely contrary to their framing of the war as a moral duty for "Ukrainians protecting their homeland and their nation from invasion" or for "Russians to fight against the far-right/fascist Ukrainian government". And of course, these actions are individual examples, nowhere near mass organized movements, but shouldn't be this the priority of self identifying anarchists and communists? To support and help the self organization of the working class in a way that would lead to international communist revolution? Instead of taking action in support of the interest of capital, and cooperating with the bourgeois nationalist state and fascist para militia?

Random Thoughts on Marxists

This is gonna be me just rambling about things I saw on marxist spaces. I'll be focusing on experiences I had with council communists (CC) and Left communists (LC)

Dogmatism

Ok, I wanna be honest, this is just a vibe I got. If u had to ask me for tangible evidence, I'd be 🤷‍♂️

Is just a feelin I got of "this is the way to go cause Dude in 1924 said so". It feels very restricting, takin away the potential that human imagination has in socialist movements

It felt like "this is the way! Oh ure more keen on this idea? Let me see what Dude said in '32...mmm sorry! Can't do it!"

But maybe is just me! I'm the type of kid to ask why a 100 times! Did I ask why a 100 times? Not really I was a shy kid, but in my mind I did it so it counts

On Anarchy

Idk the hate coming from Marxists towards anarchists! And I'm not even talking about MLs, I'm talking about marxists/communists that have more in common with bakunin that with lenin!

Like, I remember a CC (council communist) talking about an anarchist revolt (in a hypothetical communist revolution) on the same terms of a counter revolution by reactionaries!!

Or how a CC insta page made fun of an anarchist comparing Lenin to Lasalle (socialist that though that socialism could be achieved by takin control of the state. Marx didn't like him) and being something like "anarchist critique of lenin is bad!"

And I was like "Bro, half the memes u posted are just you sayin that lenin and lasalle are the same!!"

Another thing that I notice is this mentality off "if a marxist said X, that's good, if an anarchist said the same thing, then bad!"

I heard ppl talk about Marxists sayin that the "dictator of the proletariat" is the revolution itself and I was like "ok, that feels like anarchism but with some marx sprinkles in it!"

The end goal is the same, the way of achieving it is the same, the anti-authoritarian sentiment is the same BUT we ain't anarchists! No no no, we're total opposite actually!!

On Ukraine

Since the beginning of the invasion, I heard so many shit takes from the left. When I heard em from MLs I was like "shit take? Yes, but I wasn't expecting something else from yall" But from the left communists?

They can only chant "no war but class war" wich is nice, don't get me wrong, but is...just bs

They always go against the MLs cause they're not good enough on examining the world, that MLs are just too blinded by propaganda, how MLs don't have a grip on the world, and then the only solution they give is "the Russians and ukranians soldiers should go against their generals and politicians (to achieve socialism)"

In what world will this happen? Defenetly not in this one!! How distant can you be from the real world to say that ukranian soldiers just have to go and fight their politicians!

I'd be like telling someone's who's house is burning down to go and beat the cops that arrived at the scene cause they're class traitors! They are, but saving the house from the flames maybe takes the priority!!

I'm not a patriotic person. I never was. So my thinking doesn't come from "we must save our country!" type of sentiment. It comes from a "This is my house, the street where I used to walk my dog, the bar where I used to go and chill with friends"

Idk how to end this ramble...if u read it all, damn, ure one cool person. If u have something to say, be nice about it. Have a good day!!

[floral-poisons]

i see your requests are open, so could i request some interactions with [dorm leaders+Lilia] an mc who still has their phone from their world(and working wifi lol), and how they would react to the technology of a different world, and the internet(the memes)

(really love your writing, pls take these hearts <3<3<3)

hi anon!! thank you so much for the hearts!! i'm so happy you love my writing since i do put a lot of effort into this blog. i'm happy to fulfill this request! it's kind of a shame that mc didn't have their own phone on them (since i presume their homeworld is ours).

MALLEUS DRACONIA

such a device was...curious. because it was kind of like his tamagotchi. but it wasn’t exactly like it. it was a smart phone that he could touch and there was access to wifi.

“is this run by magic?” malleus asks you as he scrolls through the internet.

“no. it’s run by a battery much like your tamagotchi.”

“oh i see...how interesting.” he raised his eyebrows as he looked at an image. “what could this be?”

“okay! that’s enough scrolling time for you. would not wanna radicalize you on reddit.”

LILIA VANROUGE

“malleus would love this!” was his first response when he saw your phone. “he would be into a lot of your human things since he likes the simpler stuff.”

“do you still use this?”

“yeah of course i do.” you answer. “it’s still working. besides it also means i can check up on people in my home world.”

“i see, i see. what’s tik tok?”

“oh it’s a video app.” you wouldn’t expect lilia to be scrolling for hours after that.

RIDDLE ROSEHEARTS

riddle probably had limited access to technology when he was younger. so he didn’t use his normal phone often. seeing your phone was kind of no different aside from all the different apps.

“instagram? is that your version of magicam?”

“yeah it is!” you lean closer as he scrolls through.

“that would be for cater...” he hands you the phone. “cool device. but i think i’ll stick to my own phone.”

“riddle you barely use your own phone.”

VIL SCHOENHEIT

“hmmm...vintage.” he looked at the phone. compared to the other devices, it wasn’t as advanced. it ran a lot slower too. “oh my. youtube?”

“it’s a video sight. they have a lot of videos i think you would like.” you immediately pulled up your beauty playlist.

“huh...my, my, she’s quite beautiful. who is this?” and he pointed to a very familiar face. “and who is this?”

“jackie aina. the best beauty blogger! and that’s james charles. don’t watch any of his videos. i know you would find the way he does makeup atrocious and his voice also atrocious.”

“i will take your word for it.”

LEONA KINGSCHOLAR

there wasn’t much to pique leona’s interest. he’s not too interested in technology, mostly because he’s sleeping more than being online (maybe that’s why his mental health was better than yours since he wasn’t on social media).

but the memes on the other hand? that was something that piqued his interest.

“you like kittens don’t you?” you ask with a smirk on your face.

“i mean...yeah i guess. this orange cat reminds me of cheka.” he gestures to a video of an orange cat...well, being an orange cat.

“sounds like someone has a soft spot for his nephew~” you laughed upon hearing him groan at your response.

AZUL ASHENGROTTO

“i’m very interested in these animal facts. i didn’t know octopi apparently punched fish because they felt like it!” you may have realized introducing azul to netflix was a bad idea. and candy crush. he managed to beat the first 1000 levels within two days.

“a service that has every single movie and tv show on it. i mean we have our own versions but the coral sea doesn’t exactly have internet.” azul was busy taking notes. “though these layouts could be used to improve the current ones.”

“azul stop thinking business. just relax.” you smile.

“well then i guess we can watch some disney+.”

“and this is getting too meta.” you took your phone away.

KALIM AL-ASIM

kalim’s into the memes and the vines. you regret showing him vines especially because now he’s just spouting out famous vines whenever he gets the chance to.

“two bros sitting in a hot tub five feet apart ‘cus they’re not gay!” he sings as he cooks.

“look at all these chickens!” kalim presents the large amount of chicken he made for your visit to scarabia.

“...and they were roommates...” you said.

“they were roommates!” his eyes sparkled.

IDIA SHROUD

honestly, idia could care less about the internet and whatever possibilities it has. because this type of technology doesn’t exist. and much to your disappointment, he takes your phone apart.

“idia! can you put my phone back together and give it back? please!” you whine.

he shoves a flash drive into your hand. “here’s everything from your phone. i think maybe i can incorporate some of this technology into ortho-”

“i don’t think that will work idia.”

“never say never. i can make anything work.”

[edoro]

the thing is

THE THING IS

i’ve alluded to it with varying levels of vagueness online. i’ve talked about it with some friends in more detail over discord. i’ve written about it by hand in a notebook and on a private vent blog.

i haven’t ever actually... said that i experienced csa out loud with my words to someone else before.

more to the point, i have not been ABLE to do so. there have been multiple times in my life where i’ve tried, or needed to, or it’s come up in some way, including scenarios where i know it’s going to happen ahead of time or even previous attempts at therapy for related issues, and every single time i just... shut down. i Physically Cannot make myself talk about it. even when i know exactly what i want to say. even when it’s as simple as saying “no, i don’t want to schedule that medical procedure, Because Of Trauma.”

even just vaguely talking around it makes me panic so much i feel like i am imminently about to die and i’m kind of okay with that because it’ll make the conversation stop. even just talking about how impossible it is to talk about it makes me feel that way.

like I Literally Cannot. Physically I Am Unable To Speak. i shut down so hard i can’t even talk about anything unrelated and oh boy does it make me go to hell mentally for a while afterwards.

so i’m just... very anxious about that. it’s obviously a pretty big impediment to therapy to be literally physically unable to talk about the thing you’re going there to talk about and deal with, and to just shut down and stop being able to speak or communicate whenever you get emotional (you know, like one might when discussing being abused as a child.)

i’m sure i’m not the only person who’s had this problem and i plan to bring it up and talk to the therapist about how to work with that, and i plan to take notes to bring, and i really hope and am trying to believe that trauma brain is lying to me when it starts screaming about how nothing could possibly help and it will always feel exactly as bad as it does right now to even think about talking about it and this is a huge waste of time

but oh boy am i feeling fragile and scared and like i want to just go dig a hole and hide in there instead of doing anything. it’s going to be really hard and previous attempts at coming near this topic have been really painful and i know trying to address it now - as necessary as i know it is and as much as i really want to - is going to fucking suck and i’m not looking forward to it and emotionally i just keep spiraling into panicked misery about it.

(ps i really do not want advice especially if it’s “i’m sure they’ll be understanding”; i am sure they will since this is not an uncommon reaction to trauma, but my problem is specifically that i cannot stop this involuntary shut-down reaction i have which i’m afraid will make me unable to actually open up to my therapist or talk about the issues i badly need to address, and i feel scared and frustrated about the idea of trying to fix it because the emotional reaction i have to even talking or thinking about the problem itself is so intense and extreme, it has very little to do with how i think they’re going to react and everything to do with being frustrated at myself and my own reactions and feeling lost and helpless about how to even begin addressing a communication problem this severe and debilitating.

if you have personally had the experience of going to therapy in order to address trauma where you had a reaction of being physically unable to speak about it and shutting down and not being able to communicate when you got scared/sad/emotionally activated, then i’d be interested in hearing about what specific things you did to deal with/fix/overcome that problem if you wanted to share

but otherwise i am just mostly venting here to try to get the thoughts out of my brain so i maybe stop having a breakdown about it every hour on the hour, sorry and thank you for the patience to everyone who has already seen me have this same breakdown like five times, It Is Probably Going To Keep Happening)