#i miss my richmond family

[livelovecaliforniadreams]

[benedictscanvas]

be still, my foolish heart [1] - jamie tartt x reader

pairing: jamie tartt x fem!reader

word count: 2.5k

series warnings: lots of language throughout, some allusions to smut but nothing explicit, a LOT of fucking fluff mostly ngl

a/n: eeeek i have been furiously writing this the last few days and now that a few chapters are done i'm desperate to share. chapters will be out regularly, every couple of days or so. really hope you lot enjoy this one, i'm so grateful for all the recent love <3

series summary: when jamie gets called up to the england team for the first time, he's terrified. enter you, all smiles and swearing, and suddenly his only fear is falling head over boots for you.

next chapter | series masterlist

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chapter one: to be alone with you

Jamie hadn’t found himself this nervous in quite a while. He’d been worried when he came back to Richmond of course - trying to prove to his team that he’d changed, that he was there for the right reasons, was a challenge. But he’d overcome it and now he had a family for the rest of his life. He thought very little could make him properly nervous anymore.

That was until he was sat in his childhood home, clutching his mum for dear life as they waited for the England team to be officially announced, refreshing the page over and over and over again on his phone. When it appeared at 2pm like clockwork and his eyes scanned the list of forwards only to find the name Jamie Tartt as clear as day, he was up in a moment, him and his mum screaming as they hugged each other and bounced around the room.

It had been the same at Richmond the next day, the congratulations coming thick and fast. He was overwhelmed and excited and eager to chat to every single person who’d listen to him about his dream coming true, but the nerves only kicked in when he was sat in a car with tinted windows a couple of weeks later, arriving at the training ground for his first ever training sessions, which would turn into his first ever England matches in just a few weeks time.

He didn’t know anyone here apart from a few Manchester City players who he had never said goodbye to, so he had no idea what they’d think of him. Sometimes, on a not-so-good day, his mind would wander to the idea of his old City mates laughing together about the shit he’d gotten up to the night before on Lust Conquers All. He hated thinking about it. He knew seeing their faces again would make him think about it more.

It had only been a few days but he missed Sam. Isaac and Colin and Beard and Ted and Keeley and Roy. Roy would have something so simultaneously horrible and inspiring to say to him right now. Richmond had become such a family, it was difficult to imagine playing football with anyone else.

“This is it, Mr Tartt,” the driver says, and that makes him feel even worse because Mr Tartt is his dad and he is not his dad. He hadn’t even realised they’d pulled into a car park.

“Just Jamie, yeah?” he says rather than running away as he gets out of the car. The man smiled, passed him the suitcase that had been sat in the boot of the car and drove off without a word. Now he was really alone.

He pulled his headphones from around his neck and placed them on his head, putting the playlist that the boys had curated for him back on. Ted had made everyone make a playlist for the boys on international duty over the summer, ‘somethin’ to remind you of home’, he’d said, and Jamie had honestly thought it was weird.

Now he was listening to ‘Adventure of a Lifetime’ by Coldplay, added to the playlist by none other than Ted himself, and he had to admit - it was catchy. And it reminded him of home.

He looked around for the entrance and spotted one other young man who he recognised from Liverpool making his way in at an entrance to his left, so he made a beeline for it.

He was just reaching the doors when a woman leaned into his eyeline just enough to catch his attention, just ahead of the doors. He was quick to tear the headphones from his head to avoid looking rude - it was his worst fear.

“Sorry, did ya say somethin’?” he asked, trying to wear a bright smile even if he knew it would come off a little worn. You appeared unphased, wearing a far brighter grin that he knew he could ever manage. It was warm; you were warm. And incredibly pretty, even though he was less keen on how quickly he noticed that.

“I tried to tell them that this whole thing would be a bit awkward when you had headphones on,” you said, and as he stepped closer to have a conversation, it was easier to notice that you were actually quite flustered, the bright grin masking some embarrassment, “I’m part of the PR team, we’re just doing some content for the Instagram. Ask the players what music they’re listening to when they walk in, people go crazy for it. If you’re trying to become the summer’s heartthrob, I recommend saying Taylor Swift.”

“They’re supposed to tell the truth!” a man beside you piped up, all nasal, but Jamie barely spared him a glance. He was still a little caught up in how pretty you really were the closer he got. You were very fucking pretty now that he was a couple of metres away, leaning on the handle of his suitcase. He scolded himself for even thinking about flirting with you.

You, now looking at the man who’d spoken as if you’d just remembered he was there. You cleared your throat.

“No, I know, sorry. I was just fucking with you,” you confirmed, turning back to Jamie, then wincing, “Playing with you, I mean. I swear I’m a very professional person and I don’t swear that much. At work.”

Jamie only realised a few moments into the silence that you were waiting for him to speak. He could feel the heat in his cheeks he had been desperate to keep at bay.

“I swear all the time,” he said, already kicking himself for how stupid that sounded, “Work or no work. Swear as much as you fuckin’ like.”

He can see at least a bit of your embarrassment leaking away, so maybe it hadn’t been such a stupid thing to say after all.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” you say, head tilted in a way Jamie can only describe as fuckin’ adorable. All too quickly, you seem to snap back into work mode, “Anyway, Brian’s right. The truth would be preferable, but if the truth is Taylor Swift, good for you! Any chance you’d be willing to walk backwards a bit, then pretend to do this again for the camera?”

You had the decency to look embarrassed, again, to be asking, but he was quite sure he’d do whatever you wanted him to with those wide, pleading eyes of yours. Just the little kindness you’d provided had washed away a lot of the deep-seated fear he’d been feeling just moments prior. He’d do what he could to repay the favour.

“Yeah, ‘course, whatever you need. Just walk up, pretend I hear your question with me headphones on and then…answer?”

“You’re a natural, Jamie Tartt,” you offer up, signalling who he assumed was Brian to raise his camera back up and get ready. He can’t help himself, just like with his driver, although this time he hopes he won’t get blanked.

“Just Jamie, eh? Less syllables, an’ that.”

You nod and almost look impressed, but he can’t imagine why.

“I’m almost sure Just Jamie is the same number of syllables as Jamie Tartt actually,” you argue, and he almost thinks you’re serious until you break out in that big, bright grin again and he feels like he’s 16, “Sorry. Fucking with you again. You can call me Just Y/N if you like.”

Y/N. Suits you, he thinks. Almost as much as that shade of blue does, all rich and Richmond-esque. He’s sure he’s got a team shirt somewhere that matches that exact colour.

“It’s nice meeting ya, Just Y/N,” he says, then realises how much he’s smiling and needs to do something about it, “And you, Brian. It’s great to be ‘ere, actually, just in general like.”

You nod, kind. Brian does a signal Jamie doesn’t understand, but he walks back a few paces anyway and puts his headphones back on. This time, when you step forward to stop him, he knows what you’ve asked without hearing it and takes his headphones off with a genuine smile at you.

“Oh, this?” he says, making sure he doesn’t smirk when you giggle behind the camera at his acting, “Whole Richmond gang made a playlist for us international lot. Ted, the gaffer, he put a lot of inspirational stuff, you know? Right now it’s Adventure of a Lifetime, the one by Coldplay.”

He’s not sure if he’s meant to say all that or just say the name of the song, and he’s ready to ask if he should start over before Brian signals that he’s cut the camera and you’re gaping at him.

“Okay, I know I put it in your head that you could lie, but you’re actually telling the truth, right?”

Brian scoffs. The prick within Jamie wishes Brian didn’t exist.

“That was worse than just saying Taylor Swift to impress girls,” he mutters, and you make a face that only Jamie sees. You don’t like Brian either and he already likes having something in common with you.

“I know you think that music went downhill after the 1960s, Brian, but no need to take it out on literally everyone who comes through here today. We’re meant to be a fun greeting crew! Why don’t you go get a snickers or something?”

Brian looked disgruntled throughout your speech until you suggested a snickers - clearly the way to the man’s heart. He was turning and speed-walking to the what Jamie assumed was the nearest vending machine in no time.

Now you were pretty and assertive. A deadly combination in Jamie’s eyes, particularly when paired with the fact that he was now pretty sure you were Brian’s boss. You were staring after Brian reproachfully, with a bit of that embarrassment back that Jamie was desperate to rid you of.

“Uh, it was true, by the way,” he says, rubbing the back of his neck, “I can go again if you don’t want me to say that much, or-“

“No! No no, that was-“ you shake your head in a disbelief he doesn’t understand, “Brian’s been like this forever. Please don’t take it personally. I’ve been trying not to all morning.”

“It’s okay, really,” he tries to reassure you, “He works for you?”

He can see the smirk that you try to hide. It’s endearing.

“No, not technically. I like that you think so, though,” you smile, a real one again, just as he’d hoped, “I don’t normally work with Brian, he’s usually a match cameraman, not so much PR. I was just a woman down today.”

Jamie leans in, all conspiratorial, because he simply cannot help it.

“You pulled the small straw, huh?”

You giggle a little and he can feel himself puffing up with pride.

“Short straw, you mean?” you laugh, and some of that pride deflates in his chest. He could have sworn it was small, “Either way, yes. Very much so. I’ll be glad when Tiff’s back at it.”

“So when ya said that you were part of the PR team…you actually meant that y’ run it, right?”

“Guilty. What gave me away?”

“Just an air about ya,” Jamie says, because he doesn’t have a fucking clue what to say. You seem to like his answer, ducking your head a little in a way that’s driving Jamie to distraction, so he decides he’s definitely getting in over his head here. He’d already decided he was not going to flirt. It was a terrible idea, “Anyway, I’ve taken up enough of y’ time. Are y’ sure me bit was okay?”

You look startled at the mention of how much time he’s taken up, like you haven’t even thought about it. Soon enough, that ducked head is gone, replaced by the shoulders back, head up attitude that you’d greeted him with, the one that had told him you were in charge. Professional. He couldn’t decide which version he liked more.

“It was perfect, they’ll love it. Such a great story, even better that it’s true,” you confirm, then you add, like you’ve been holding it in, “Richmond ‘til we die, right?”

He actually feels his heart skip, just for a moment: a moment that tells him he’s absolutely fucked. You look like you’ve just told him the biggest secret of the century and he can’t help but believe you. 

“You-“ he’s too breathy, has to cough to correct himself, “You’re a Richmond fan? Or do ya have to say that to all of us?”

“I’m not supposed to say that to any of you,” you grin, “We’re supposed to keep club level allegiances to ourselves. We’re all one England team and all that. But, you know, star striker tells you the most adorable story about your hometown club, it’s pretty hard not to tell them. Think you can keep it to yourself?”

He’d definitely do whatever you asked of him right now. He wants to go and call Keeley right away, but he already knows what she’ll say. Bad idea: wrong place, wrong time, wrong woman. She’d be right. He shakes aside all thoughts of any harmless flirting with the exceedingly kind, exceedingly pretty Richmond fan. 

“Me lips are sealed,” he says, and he mimes it. He even throws the invisible key in your direction and watches you pretend to struggle to catch it, then mime swallowing it yourself. You finish with a rather convincing gulp then nod at him, like you've just entered a blood pact. He nods back, matching the serious energy.

“Enjoy England camp, Just Jamie,” you say, still with an air of fake seriousness the two of you are keeping up. He wants to shake your hand, continue to play pretend, but there’s the sound of a suitcase behind him and he knows you have work to do. He hopes you don’t like anyone's music choice more than his.

“See ya around, Just Y/N.”

You both nod again and it’s getting a bit stupid now but the two of you seem to want to keep it up. He tries ever so hard not to look back at you once he’s inside, and he almost manages it until he hears you talking to the next arrival. He turns to see you in full professional flow…

With two of his old City teammates.

It’s a bucket of cold water over his head. One pretty girl to greet him and he’s managed to use it as a distraction, a way of forgetting all his doubts, worries, fears. Seeing the two City guys brings them back full force, so he glances back at you once more, then turns to delve further into the training complex, hoping to find another face as friendly as yours.

There’s a voice in his head telling him that would be impossible, but he doesn’t want to listen to it right now.

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if you got this far, i fucking love you <3 oneshot/drabble requests remain open for sexy little jamie tartt and his grumpy bestie roy!!

[axelsagewrites]

Roy Kent*Charitiy

Pairing: Roy Kent x reader

Word count: 1535

Warnings: Rupert existing and Roy being Roy

Masterlist here

Ever since last year when Rupert crashed annual charity ball and donated a butt load of money to steal her thunder, she was determined to make this year's even better. It was odd to you that someone donating so much to a good cause was grounds for revenge but then again, you'd met Rupert. He really was the worst. 

She'd gone all out this year, making sure she lined up at least 3 famous performers that equally hated Rupert and inviting everyone who was anyone. You were automatically on the list as her assistant but and also as Roy's plus one. It was at last year’s ball that Roy ended up walking you home from and kissing you in your doorway. Cut to this year and you were now in a semi-secret committed relationship with Richmond’s newest coach. You had both decided not to share to the press and after much convincing Roy let you tell Rebecca and the team.

One of the nights biggest earners was of course the charity auction. Roy had refused at least 19 times to do it but eventually with enough eyelash batting and promises of favours you'd convinced him to sign up. All the boys had signed up, even Will was forced to sign up.

To make things even more bizarre Rebecca herself was being auctioned. Though you as her assistant had also hired someone to come bid on her so she'd never have to have the date but still she was technically on the roster. What you hadn't expected was for her to turn to you with puppy dog eyes. 

"We need more women on the list. Cmon, you know how it is. Think of the children,"

Roy was more outrage you had said yes than the fact he had been convinced to do it as well. You however were sure that it would be fine. After all people were there to bet on the footballers to play a game with their kid or show off to their friends or whatever other questionable activities they had planned. Not some assistant. 

What you hadn't accounted for was that you were no longer just an assistant. Not only did you often appear in pictures with the team, but rumours floated around that you were dating at least one if not multiple of the boys. Between always being around famous footballers or the fact Keeley Jones was your best friend you’d forgotten people actually knew who you were now.

The night was fine to begin and halfway through the auction Rebecca had already hit the same record as last year but that was not going to stop her. Danni had gone for £5000, Sam for £6000, Keeley for £10,000. Yes, even Keeley had donated one of her Friday nights to Rebecca's cause.

Roy had practically begged you that if the old lady who won him last year was going to win that you steal the win and he'd give you the money so sure as fate you had just won a night with your boyfriend for £8000. This was only going to fuel the fires in the tabloids, but it was worth saving Roy another painful night with a toothless granny.

"Up next we have my dear, dear friend who many of you will recognise as the teams shadow. Come on up"(y/n)," Rebecca said, clapping as you walked up with an awkward smile.

" Can we start the bidding at £500?" You thought this would be over and done with in less than a couple minutes.

"Five thousand pounds," Ruperts voice came booming from the back of the room followed by the sound of Roy’s chair scrapping against the floor as he stood up, "Forgive me for being so late my dear Rebecca. A family emergency kept me away, but I couldn't miss this for the world," he said gesturing to the crowd who gave him a round of applause he didn’t deserve, “After all it is for the children,”

For once Rebecca stammered for words before finally stuttering out "Yes well thank you Rupert. Do I hear six?"

"Ten thousand," Roy boomed across the room. Small gasps left several tables as you stood, eyes bulging out at the moment happening. You’d got to witness the bidding war that went for Jamie last year with Keeley spending twenty-five grand, but you knew that both Rupert and Roy were far more stubborn. this could go for a while.

"This isn't how auctions exactly work boys-" Rebecca tried to cut in, knowing how stubborn Rupert was and how violent Roy could get, but to no avail. she looked at you with a sympathetic glance as the carnage began.

"fifteen thousand," Rupert said, walking to stand by Roy's table, his wife a few paces behind standing awkwardly. 

"twenty,"

"thirty,"

"thirty-five-" you heard Jamie's voice pipe up followed by a loud growl from Roy who was glaring daggers in the previously laughing boy, "withdrawn!" Jamie yelped as he shuffled his chair towards Keeley. you almost felt bad for Jamie as you tried not to laugh.

"forty-five," Roy yelled before turning to Rupert, whispering something in his ear as he went to say fifty.

You could practically see Ruperts sweat dripping down his forehead as Roy pulled away, a satisfied smirk on his face, "Hard to beat that," Rupert smiled as he carefully stepped away from Roy, slowly moving back to his wife, “I withdraw,” Rupert said before pulling his wife to go join some random table filled with old white men.

"Forty-five going once, twice," Rebecca said as she scrambled to grab her gavel, "sold to Mr Kent. What a generous donation, everyone let's give him a round of applause," Rebecca said as she started the claps as everyone followed suit to try mask the awkward tension. “Always such a generous soul,”

You gave Rebecca a sorry smile as you walked back down to Roy, wondering how you’d explain this to the tabloids, but Roy had other plans. As you walked up to him, ready to quietly thank him, Roy stepped forward, grabbing you by the waist and pulling you into his chest. The kiss was brief, but it knocked the wind out your lungs and left you wishing you had a private room as whoops and hollers came from the room around. You pulled back, breathless and grinning like an idiot. 

"Just to be clear that isn't included in the final sale," Rebecca said from the stand, trying to avoid lawsuits and trying desperately not to laugh since the auction still had its final prize left, Jamie.

"What did you say to him?" you asked, as you finally say back down, hand in hand with Roy. 

"I told him I knew where he lived and enough people to hold him down if he didn't back off what's mine, “Roy said as cool as a cucumber as if he didn't just threaten to beat a multi-millionaire, possibly billionaire at this point. "Plus, I said I'd tell his wife about you know who," 

This however caught your, Keeley’s, and Jamie's attention, "Who's you know who?" Keeley ask as you all three leaned in for the dirt. 

"Fuck knows," Roy barked making you all look at each other confused, "once a scumbag always a scumbag. There's probably some poor girl out there he’s fucked I just don't know which one," 

The three of you began to cackle as Rebecca announced her last prize of the night. “Time to shine,” Jamie said as he got up, running a hand through his hair before jogging up to join Rebecca on stage. His cocky joy went from pale faced terror when the woman who won Roy last year won him this year but for £9000. Jamie returned to the table, no pep in his step or swagger in his walk as he sunk down into his chair, “Why did you save me?” he whispered in betrayal.

“I’m not your girlfriend anymore, remember,” Keeley teased as she sat back in her chair, “Call us even for last year babes,”

Jamie turned from Keeley to you and Roy, looking like a kicked puppy, “Roy?”

“Mate I’ve just spent 50 grand tonight. go fuck yourself,” Roy said before what was left of his drink.

“It’s for children Roy,” Jamie said as he sulked back into his chair.

“Fuck the children,” Roy said with no hesitation, “I’ve just bought them a really fucking nice orphanage to stop some old prick touching my bird,”

you couldn’t help but laugh at how Jamie pouted in his seat, trying to avoid the old woman’s little waves. “You do release your little stunt means we need to do press now?” you said, glancing up to a now groaning Roy.

“Already on its babes,” Keeley said from where she sat on her phone, “I’ve been waiting for this for months. knew you two wouldn’t go for my soft launch option,”

“Fucks a soft launch?” Roy said, confusing racking his face as he turned to you.

you patted his arm and shook your head, “You just let me and Keels deal with this yeah?”

Roy sighed as he sat back in his chair shaking his head, “I fucking hate charity,”

[softspaceboibrian]

The Heart Wants What It Wants || Jamie Tartt

Pairing: Jamie Tartt x Y/N where Y/N works at AFC Richmond || I used she/her pronouns, but there is no actual physical description, so the pronouns can be switched with whatever anyone wants or prefers!

Characters: Jamie Tartt; Keeley Jones and Rebecca Welton (Y/N's best friends); Sam Obisanya, Isaac McAdoo, Colin Hughes and Dani Rojas (Jamie's support team); Roy (being his usual grumpy self).

Summary: when Y/N goes into Rebecca's office to have her usual morning chat with her best friends, she doesn't expect it to result in a very messy confession from her crush.

Warnings: bad language, like a lot. slight sexual harassment. Roy being harsh with Jamie. Jamie being all over the place with his feelings. fluff, a lot of pining and crushing. just bad writing, really.

WC: 8355 (it's kinda long, I know... but I didn't know where to stop! sorry!)

A/N: This is my first time writing for JAmie or any Ted Lasso character in general. I hadn't written anything in months, and I guess it shows. but I was so sad that there weren't enough Jamie fics on here that I thought I could just write one of my own. hopefully people like it! I'm in the middle of my exam session, but if you have any requests or suggestions, feel free to write me!

this gif is completely unrelated, i just love phil dunstan

“Come in” Rebecca’s voice was clear and loud as always, even through the closed door. As you walked in, you took in the smell of hot tea permeating the door – definitely something you could always count on.

You greeted both Rebecca and Keeley, before plopping down on the sofa right in front of the big windows looking out onto the field. You looked out for a moment, noticing the team making their way outside to finally begin practice. You had been working at AFC Richmond for almost a year now, all thanks to Miss Keeley fucking Jones, obviously. Ever since you first day there, everyone had immediately started treating you as if you had always been part of the family, especially Rebecca. “If Keeley likes you so much, it must definitely mean something.” That was her excuse when she invited you out for drinks with the two of them on the second day. “Also, there’s only so many women working at AFC Richmond, we have to stick together, don’t we?” And the rest was history, as some author would say. Even the team had liked you since the get-go. Some more than others. There should be a disclaimer here: you had never cared for football, in any of its forms. But Keeley had been so persuading, making the job sound like a party. And she wasn’t lying. Being with the team was more fun than you could have ever imagined. Yes, some of them were self-centred, and some were self-centred pricks, even. But somehow, you had taken a liking to all of them. And now, after an entire year of working there, you knew them so well that she could even make out who was who all the way from Rebecca’s office.

You were so lost in your own thoughts, that when Keeley talked, you almost jumped out of her seat. “Babes, is everything alright?” Her voice was kind as always. “You seem off today.”

“Everything is fine.” You fixed yourself, turning around so to face both of your friends.

You smiled, or rather you forced yourself to make your smile feel as real as possible. But when you met Rebecca’s gaze you froze. She was holding one of those shortbread biscuits that Ted brought her in every morning and that you only had the pleasure to taste once and, well, you completely understood why Rebecca loved them so much. “I call bullshit.”

“What?”

“I said I call bullshit.” The woman put the last remaining bit of biscuit in the small, pink cardboard box, as to save it for later, and then made her way on the couch with you and Keeley. “You have been off for, well, quite a few days now. And I love that you’re an independent woman and everything, but Keeley and I are your friends. Actually, I would like to believe that we are your best friends. We care for you and we would very much appreciate it if you would trust us enough to come to us with your problems and thoughts.”

“Yeah, babes. You know we’re always here for you.” Keeley moved closer to you and leaned against the back of the couch.

You sighed, burying your face in your hands. You had wanted to talk with them for a while now, but you were always too afraid they wouldn’t care about it, or you were too embarrassed about how they might react to it. But this time it was them that asked you to tell them. And they seemed truly interested in knowing what was going on in your mind.

“Chop, chop, out with it.” Rebecca let her heels fall to the ground and set herself comfortably in the corner of the couch. Yeah, well, as comfortable as that extremely fitted pencil skirt gave her permission to.

You bit your lip for a moment, gathering all the courage you had. “It’s stupid, really.” You tried to laugh it off, hoping that they would just let it go.

But they didn’t. “It’s not stupid if it’s making you feel like this.” Keeley said, putting a hand on yours.

“Fine.” You sighed, looking off in front of you. “I think I may have feelings for Jamie.” You blurted out as quickly as you could.

“Our Jamie? Like, Jamie Tartt?” Keeley asked.

“I know it’s stupid. I shouldn’t like him, right? I know you think it’s stupid. I know you think he’s a prick, and you’re not wrong. I know that he’s a prick. Fuck, that makes me hate myself even more. How could I like a prick? Well, he had changed a bit, and now he-s a bit less of a prick. But still, he’s Jamie fucking Tartt, he’s probably one of the hottest footballers out there, in any way possible. He could fucking have whoever he wanted. Hell, he could have a fucking model. I’m sure he had model. He had you, Keels. And I’m just me. I fucking hate that I’m feeling this.” You started rambling on aimlessly, putting out there in only a few seconds all the fears and insecurities you had been holding in for the past who knows how long.

“Hey, love. Just, wait a minute.” Rebecca’s voice broke your train of thoughts, thankfully just in time, or who knows where you could’ve ended. “Let’s just calm down a moment, okay?”

“It’s just-” You sighed. “I hate that I’m feeling these feelings. I don’t want to feel them. Not for him. I don-t want to be his latest conquest that he’s going to move on from and forget as soon as he finds someone more interesting. I don’t want this. But I can’t help it. I… Fuck, I feel like I’m back in middle school. Shit, shit, shit. How old am I? 12? No, I’m not. I’m 25 years old, for fuck’s sake. I should fall for proper man. Not people like him.” Your eyes filled up with tears, which you tried to hide as best as you could, even though you knew that the other two would notice them, nonetheless.

And they did. Rebecca and Keeley shared a quick glance, before sliding even closer to you, both immediately wrapping their arms around your figure. “Listen, babes. You said it yourself. I’ve been with Jamie, and he was in his top prick form back then. Now he’s… he’s changing. I don’t know if it’s the training with Roy or if it’s Ted finally rubbing off on him, but he’s no longer the dickhead I dumped almost two years ago.”

“She’s right. He has changed.” Rebecca agreed with Keeley. “Also, you cannot tell your heart what it should and shouldn’t feel. It will only cause you more pain, and we definitely don’t want that.” The woman had this motherly instinct that you had always loved. She always knew what to say to make you feel better, or at least less shitty about yourself. “And remember, you could never do worse than me. I was married to the king of the shitheads.” She added, which made both you and Keeley laugh.

“Okay, let’s do this.” Keeley got up and ran to the door, only to lock it and run back to the couch. “If it’s alright with Rebecca, we’re going to take the morning off to talk, just the three of us.”

“Sounds perfect to me. I really didn’t have much to do anyway.” Rebecca was a great liar. You knew she probably had so many documents to read through and to sign. But she always made time to help you with your problems. And that’s why you loved her so much. “Is that right with you, love?”

You didn’t even need to say anything. You barely nodded, and next thing you knew, the three of you were sitting on the couch with no shoes on, a warm cup of tea each and a big chunky blanket on your legs. You never really thought they would be this open with you. Yes, they had made it clear ever since the beginning that they liked you and that they cared for you. But you had never thought that you could go to them for something like that and they would do all of that for you. But they did.

“Okay, let’s start with one simple question: are you two talking? Or, I don’t know, did you go on a date?” Keeley’s question was very straightforward and made completely sense. However, the answer wasn’t as easy to give.

“Well, we haven’t really gone on like a proper date. But we did spend quite a lot of time together last week.” You looked at the other two and you could feel them asking for more information with just their eyes. “It didn’t start as the best of situations…”

------------------------------ FLASHBACK ------------------------------

You didn’t really want to go out that night. It wasn’t really your thing. You usually spent your nights at home, reading a book or watching a movie. Or, if you were lucky, you would go out with Keeley and Rebecca for dinner and drinks, which you loved. What you didn’t love was going out for drinks with people you weren’t as comfortable with. But you had never really learnt how to say no to people, so when your old high school friend – who had moved to America for college and you hadn’t heard from since – messaged you on Instagram, saying that she was back in London for a few days and wanted to go out with you to “catch up”, you couldn’t really bring yourself to decline the offer or make up an excuse. So, you just agreed and made plans to meet up with her in front of a very busy and very fancy place downtown. You hated clubs, especially busy one, but even more you hated going to new places without people you knew. But you knew the girl, in a way. You were really close in high school, so things shouldn’t be too bad, right?

“So, you’re working for a football club! Never thought it would happen!” The girl shouted over the loud music which you were already hating with all your guts. But you just pulled through it.

“Yeah, it’s a good job.” You hated having to raise your voice so much, but it was the least you could do if you wanted to have a conversation with her.

“Do you know any famous footballer?”

“I mean, I know the boys from the team. I suppose they’re famous now. But yeah.”

“Would you introduce me to any of them?”

There it was. You had been talking with her for half an hour and, knowing how she was back in high school, you had been wondering how she hadn’t yet asked you about the guys. A small part of you really wanted to believe that she had changed and that she had stopped sleeping around with guys just because they were hot. But apparently, you were wrong. “Well, it’s complicated. They’re in the middle of the Premier season right now, and most of them are training really hard hoping to be rostered for their national teams. Plus, you’re only going to be in town for a few days, so that wouldn’t really work.”

“I wouldn’t mind moving my flight back for a footballer.” She smirked.

“Maybe next time.” You fake-smiled. “Also, who would want to go out with a football player? Most of them are self-centred assholes who only care about winning.”

“But they are sexy and they have money.”

“But you’re studying law in an ivy league college, you could be the one with money in the relationship.”

“Nah, I don’t really care about that. If a hot guy with money wanted to be with me, I would literally give everything up.” She said, as if that was the most obvious answer. Now you were remembering why you never reached out to her after high school was over.

You spent another half hour listening to her blabbering about something you didn’t really care about. And you could tell that she knew, but didn’t say anything. That was how things had always been between the two of you back in school: she was the popular one, with guys running after her, and her constantly cancelling plans that you two had made to go on a date with a different guy, while you spent your afternoons with the drama club, putting on the next show, to which she was always invited but she never came. It wasn’t all bad. You actually had good times with her. You spent a lot of time over at her house, and you were almost part of her family. But once you were no longer forced to see each other every single day at school, it didn’t take long for you to realise you were completely different. So, you just stopped looking for each other, making plans or going out. That’s why, when the messages stopped coming altogether, it didn’t really hurt you, since you were the first that had started to back out from that friendship. But years had passed and you had really hoped she had grown out of that phase of her life. But you were wrong. People never change, that was what you said to yourself as you were absentmindedly nodding to whatever she was saying now.

“Listen, Y/N, do you mind if I leave you alone here for a moment? There’s a guy over there that has been eyeing me for a while now and, I don’t know, I have this feeling I should go over there.” That was her usual excuse. I have this feeling. As if sexual craving could be described as an actual feeling. But you didn’t care, you actually wouldn’t mind to spend a few minutes by yourself. So, you just told her to go. And she did. Not a single “are you sure you don’t mind” nor an “it will be quick, I promise”. She simply picked all her stuff up and left.

And then you were alone.

You thought about leaving a couple of times, but you thought it would be rude because what would happen if she came back and you weren’t there?

So, you just remained seated there, in the small booth, waiting. And waiting. You looked around, studying the crowd, and hoping that she would just come back, or at least text you to let you know her intentions for the rest of the night. But that message never came. And you waited there, alone.

Until, after almost twenty minutes, a random man approached you. He had to have been at least 15 years older than you. He was dressed all fancy, a black blazer and jeans, a white shirt with the first couple of buttons left open to show a few sparse grey hairs on his chest, as if that was something that all women found sexy; I mean, who did he think he was? Roy Kent? He walked over to your table and leaned on it to get closer to you. “Is this seat taken?”

The first thing that hit you was the almost nauseating amount of perfume and aftershave, closely followed by the stench of cigarette and alcohol as soon as he opened his mouth. “I’m waiting for a friend.” You replied, hoping that would be enough to send him away.

“I’ve noticed you’ve been sitting here alone for quite some time now.” He smiled, and you wanted to throw up. “And I don’t she’s coming back. She and that boy looked very intimate if you know what I mean.”

That comment sent shivers down your spine. How long had he been looking at you? “I’m waiting for another friend of ours.” You said, hoping that he would buy it.

He moved closer to you. “Let me wait with you. I wouldn’t want to leave such a pretty girl out here on her own.”

You hated when people called you a girl. You were a grown woman, for god’s sake! But you hated it even more when that comment came from creepy old men that were nonchalantly flirting with you.

“They should be here any minute now.” You replied quickly. “And I actually prefer to sit alone.”

“Nonsense! Let me keep you company!” He smirked, sliding even closer to you. You were on the verge of tears, feeling this awful sensation in your stomach. You felt like you were going to throw up, and you weren’t sure whether it was because of his terrible taste in perfumes, the horrible stench of smoke, or just his presence in general. You wanted to just get up and get away, but it was as if your legs had forgotten how to move. You tried to insist, telling him that you were going to meet them outside, but he wouldn’t let you go. He started moving his hand, and you knew that, if you didn’t move, he would put it on your thigh. But, with tears pooling at the corners of your eyes, your body completely froze.

“Y/N!” A voice called your name. You turned around to look at the source. Your vision was hazy from the tears, and the strobe lights weren’t exactly helping you in that moment. “I’m sorry I’m late, I couldn’t find a spot to park me car.” He walked over to your table and waited for you to do or say something to sit next to you.

“You’re Jamie fucking Tartt!” The old man exclaimed. “Fuck, man. You’re great! My mates and I don’t really like Richmond, but you’re the best player in the team. You and that Oby- Obe-, you know, the Nigerian guy.”

“Yeah, cheers, man.” Jamie replied, taking a seat next to you. “Now, would you mind leaving us alone?”

“Is she your date?” The man asked, and you could tell that he was confused because why would a star like Jamie Tartt go out with a normal girl like you?

“Do you have a problem?”

“No, no!” The old man finally stood up from the table. “You enjoy her.” He smirked and gave him a wink, before looking at you up and down for the last time and eventually leave.

You finally could feel your body relax again when your attention was caught by Jamie talking. “What a fucking creep.” He shook his head, before finally looking at you. “Are you alright? Did he do anything to you?”

You shook your head. “I think you got here just in time.” You smiled at him, almost feeling guilty for probably having ruined his night.

“Were you here alone?”

“Well, not really. I was here with a friend but she left with a guy.” You stopped, quickly looking around. “But I don’t think she’s coming back.”

“Some kind of friend.” He sighed, still looking at you, as if he were studying you, trying to understand if everything was truly okay, trying to assess the situation. “Do you want to leave?”

“What?”

“I said, do you want to go out, maybe grab a bite?” He raised his voice, thinking that you might have not heard him over the loud music.

“Don’t worry, I’m okay. You can go back to your evening if you want. I’m fine, I swear.”

“I was here on me own.”

“You go to clubs alone?”

“Well, yeah.” He looked at you for a moment. “Listen, really, I don’t have anything to do here. And in any case, I would much rather spend time with you. So, if you want to leave and do something actually funny instead of waiting for some shitty friend to hopefully come back, then count me in.”

------------------------- END OF FLASHBACK -------------------------

“Did you go with him?” Keeley asked, looking at you as if she was watching the latest episode of a soap opera, completely hooked up to the story.

“We spent the entire night together.” You said shyly.

“Doing what?” You had never seen Rebecca so shocked and interested in a story in a while.

“We ate in a chicken shop; we stayed there talking for a while and then we took a walk.”

“How long did you stay out for?”

You could feel both Keeley’s and Rebecca’s eyes on you, demanding an answer, wanting to know more, to know everything. “Well, we took the sunrise as our cue to go home.”

“Babes! You’re telling me that you stayed up all night talking with Jamie?” Keeley squealed, jumping on her knees. “Like, you found topics to talk about for, what, 7? 8 hours?”

“It wasn’t that difficult. I didn’t even have to force it.”

“What did you talk about?” Asked Rebecca. And all of a sudden, the almost 50-year-old and 30-year-old women in front of you turned back into their high school personas and you almost wanted to laugh at how adorably funny that scene was.

“Well, a bit of everything, you know. Our lives, where we grew up, our favourite things, favourite food, favourite movie, favourite city, the books that have impacted us the most, the cities that we dream of visiting one day. Normal stuff.”

Keeley looked at you, in complete shock. “You talked about books. With Jamie. How?”

“He said that he had noticed I like to read and asked me about my favourite book. I told him and then asked him the same thing. And he told me.” You replied, as if that was obvious. But it was only then that you remember that Keeley had been with Jamie in the past and, if she was that shocked, it must have meant that, when they were together, he didn’t read. Possibly at all.

“Babes, remember when I told you he had changed since I had broken up with him, right? Well, that’s an understatement. When we were together, it was fun, but we didn’t really talk about that kind of stuff. He was much more superficial. I don’t think he never really asked me what my favourite food was. And the fact that he was taking an interest in all of those things about you, well, it definitely means something. I wouldn’t take that for granted.” Hearing Keeley, someone you trusted with all of your heart, someone you loved and looked up to, someone that truly knew who you were talking about, saying all of those things, made you feel things. You didn’t know what those things meant, but they were things you hadn’t felt in a long time. And for the first time in days, you were finally accepting the idea of having feelings for Jamie Tartt.

After a few moments of silence, Rebecca asked you “Was that the only time you spent time together?”

“Well, no. I mean, we’ve been talking basically every single day. He sends me a good morning text almost every day, and we talk a lot at night. Sometimes he calls me.”

“Okay, okay. That’s good.” Rebecca said, almost as if she was an investigator gather all the evidence. “But you didn’t answer my question: did you go out another time?”

You immediately felt heat rising to your cheeks. “We didn’t really go out.” You looked at the two women in silence for a moment. “Last night he… ehm… he showed up to my place.”

“What?” They both almost screamed at the same time.

------------------------------ FLASHBACK ------------------------------

You had just finished putting on your pyjamas after a long warm shower. You still had to decide what you wanted to eat, something you always dreaded because, as much as you loved cooking, you hated preparing food for one. You started making your way down the stairs and to the kitchen when your doorbell rang. You weren’t really expecting anyone, so the sound left you confused. You looked through the peephole before even saying anything, so that if it was someone you didn’t know, you could jut pretend you weren’t at home. But, when you looked through it, you were surprised to see Jamie standing right outside of your door.

You immediately took a look at yourself in the mirror right beside the door, trying to make yourself look at least presentable, before finally opening the door. When Jamie’s entire figure came into view, you noticed the food boxes in his hands. “Jamie?”

“Hi, Y/N! Ehm, I’m sorry to barge in on you like this but… ehm… I thought we could spend some time together, you know?” Was Jamie blushing?

You stood there, a soft smile on your lips, looking at the man in front of you. “Sure.” You giggled, moving to open the door even more, as a way to let him in.

“I’m sorry, I should have texted or called. That was stupid. If you’re busy I can just-”

You cut him off. “Jamie. I’m not busy. You can come in. I just wasn’t expecting visitors, so the house is, well, it’s not tidy.” You take a step forward to take some of the boxes off of him. “What’s with all of this food? Did you rob a supermarket?” You laughed, nodding your head as a sign for him to follow you, before making your way to the kitchen.

“No!” He laughed, and suddenly you felt this weird sensation in your stomach. “I didn’t know what you were craving and so I got everything that you told me you liked.” He said, while putting the boxes on the counter. “I got us a pizza to share, because you said you’re not a huge fan, but that you like to eat it while watching movies. I also got us kebabs because they’re always good, and sushi because why not. Oh, and I also got us those spicy Korean rice thingies that you said you love so much. What’s their name? Tee- To-”

You laughed as he struggled to say the word. “Tteokbokki.”

“Yeah, those.” He smiled, putting his hands on his sides.

“Just a question.” You walked around the kitchen gathering cutlery and plates to eat. “How many people did you think were going to be here? There’s enough food to feed an army.”

He looked at you and then the food, before bursting out laughing. “I told you! I didn’t know what you were craving. And I wanted to do something nice for you, but I overdid it.”

You put the plates on the counter and turned to look at him. “It’s okay, I appreciate it anyways.” You smiled. “But why would you wanted to do this for me? It’s not my birthday or anything.”

“I just… I had a very good time with you the other night.” Was Jamie blushing? Again? “And I was really in the mood to watch a good movie. So, who better than you to watch it with.”

You smiled, trying to hide the blushing coming onto your cheeks as well by turning your attention to the food on the counter. “Did you have a movie in mind?” You asked, while putting the different foods on the plates.

“You said that you really like Dead Poets Society, right? And that you think everyone should watch it at least once in their lifetime, right? So, I thought, since I’ve never seen it, we could, I don’t know, watch it together. If you want to, obviously.” He waited for you to plate the food to pick a couple of plates up and follow you into the living room.

“That actually sounds like a perfect plan, Mr Tartt.” You smiled, while taking a seat on the couch, waiting for him to join you.

------------------------- END OF FLASHBACK -------------------------

“Fucking hell, that’s adorable!” Keeley exclaimed. “He never did that for me! When he showed up uninvited, it was usually because he wanted to have sex.”

“Well, this is good!” Rebecca joined in. “He has changed. He listened to what you told him, he remembered your favourite food and your favourite movie. And before you say something like ‘but that’s not a big dead!’, yes it fucking is. It is a huge deal. Men aren’t always reliable. Rupert never was, at least. I vividly remember telling him my favourite drink at least a dozen times. And every single time he would get me something completely different. At the beginning I was too afraid to say anything, so I just drank it. But then I started to speak up. And still, he didn’t remember.”

“Yeah, okay, but him remembering that I like pizza only when watching movie doesn’t mean he feels anything for me.” You said, throwing your head back.

“I’m sorry, babes, didn’t you say that he told you that he wanted to spend time with you?” Keeley asked. “You said it yourself: he came to your place with all the food you had told him you liked and suggested to watch your favourite movie together because he had had a good time with you and wanted to do that again.”

“He decided to spend time with you rather than going out with other people or spend the night texting some random girl on dating apps.” Added Rebecca. “He chose to be with you.”

“I suppose you’re right.” You sighed. “I still don’t think he has feelings for me, though.”

“Whatever, babes.” Keeley took a sip out of her mug, before refocusing on you. “What happened next? Did you watch the movie?”

“Yes, we did.” You smiled at the memory. “He got emotional at the end. I’m not saying that he cried, but he definitely had glossy eyes by the time of the ‘O Captain, my Captain’ scene.”

“Which means he feels comfortable enough to show his emotions in front of you.” Rebecca noted. “And what happened next? Did he leave or did you spend another night talking?” She smirked, trying to make fun of you in a friendly way, almost mom-like.

“Well, he stayed a while longer.” You looked at the two women. “We talked a little about the movie, he told me what he thought of it, we discussed a little about why I thought it is a very important and still relevant movie, and he agreed with me. At first, I have to be honest, I thought he was just agreeing with me to not make me feel bad. But then he added to my argument and I stood corrected. He had truly understood the point of the movie and of my thoughts. For the first time in, gosh, I don’t even know how long, I felt seen, listened and understood by someone that wasn’t you two or Sam.”

Keeley brought a hand to her chest. “I have conflicted feelings because, by the way you’re talking, I want to tell you to just run out of here and into this man’s arms; but at the same time, every now and then, I remember you’re talking about Jamie, and it feels so weird because he’s so different from what I remember him to be like.” She explained. “Which is good, but kind of unsettling.”

Rebecca nodded along with what Keeley said, before eventually turning once again to face you. “What happened after you talked?”

“We decided to watch Modern Family, you know, to cheer ourselves up after the movie.”

“And?” Asked in unison the two women.

“And nothing.”

“I call bullshit.” Said Rebecca.

“Agreed.” Added Keeley. “What aren’t you telling us?”

“Nothing!”

“That’s not true!” They once again spoke in unison, which was starting to become quite weird.

“Nothing happened. We just… fell asleep.” You almost murmured those last words, almost too scared to say it out loud in front of them.

“I’m sorry, what?” Asked Rebecca, who had obviously heard and just wanted you to say it again out loud.

“We fell asleep!” You shouted. And you were so glad that Rebecca’s office was so high up and far from others. “As we were watching the show, he started leaning into me. At first, he laid his head on my shoulder, and then, somehow, we ended up with his head in my lap and my hands in his hair.” You could feel your cheeks burning up.

The two women shared a quick look, before turning back to you, huge smiles on their faces. “When did he fall asleep?” Asked Keeley.

“I don’t know.” You looked down at your own hands. “I fell asleep as well. I don’t know how or when, but when I woke up, it was like 3 in the morning, and we were lying on the couch. He had his head on my stomach and an arm draped over my waists.”

“What did you do?”

“Nothing.” You were fidgeting with your bracelet, too embarrassed to look up and meet your friends’ eyes. “I didn’t do anything. I didn’t want to do anything. I didn’t want him to go away.” For some reason your eyes started filling up with tears.

“Hey, babes. It’s all right.”

“No, it’s not!” You almost shouted, tears finally falling down your face. “It’s not fucking okay. I hate feeling like this.”

“Love, hey, just… wait a second. Take a deep breath.” Rebecca moved closer and wrapped her arms around you. “Why do you hate it?”

“I don’t know. I’m feeling all these things for someone that doesn’t even like me back.”

“You don’t know that, Y/N.” Keeley moved closer as well, taking your hand in hers and leaning her head against yours. “I mean, you’re the coolest person I know, you’re fucking smart and interesting, and you’re fit as fuck. I think most of the team has at least a tiny crush on you.” She smiled, hoping to cheer you up. But that didn’t work.

“Listen, love.” Rebecca squeezed you, before pulling away slightly. “As that song says, the heart wants what it wants. I know feeling like this is terrible, but there’s only one thing that you can really do, and that’s talking to him.”

“But what if he says that he was just being a good friend? What if I misread every single thing he has done and said to me up until now?”

“And what if you haven’t?” Keeley asked. “Finding you at that club was completely random, pure luck. But he then chose to spend the entire night with you. Just like he chose to send you a good morning text every single day, and he chose to come and spend the evening with you. Also, I’m almost 100% sure that he woke up as well during the night, but didn’t say anything because he didn’t want to go, just like you didn’t want him to leave.” Keeley brushed a rogue strand of hair out of your face. “I know it’s hard, but you have to act.”

“But I’m scared.”

“Which means that you care.” Rebecca smiled. “You care about him and about your relationship.”

You looked at the two women in silence for a few moments. You wanted to cry, and you wanted to scream. You wanted to run out of there and straight to Jamie. You wanted to hug Keeley and Rebecca ad tell them how much you loved them. But all you could do in that moment was smile and be glad for the wonderful friends you had. “So, I should go and talk to him?”

“Yes.” Keeley smiled.

“And you should do it right now.” Said Rebecca, standing up from the couch. “The team is going back inside, which could be a good moment for you to swoop in and talk with Jamie.” She seamlessly slipped back in her high heels and fixed her blouse. “And if anyone has anything to say about it, they will have to come to me. I’m the owner of this club, after all.” She winked.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

The team had just made their way to the changing room, ready to hear Roy giving them “pointers”, or rather making sure they knew every little thing they had done wrong. But Jamie didn’t really care about that. Jamie knew that he had played like shit, but he couldn’t help it. His head was someplace else.

“Oi, Tartt!” Roy’s voice echoed in the room, and everyone’s head turned to look at the man sitting in front of his changing station. “What the fuck were you thinking, uh? You fucked all the assists. The team was constantly looking for you, and you were nowhere to be found!”

Jamie’s eyes remained low on the ground. “’m sorry, coach.” His voice was soft. “I’ll do better next time.”

His teammates couldn’t believe what they were seeing. Somehow, in the span of 24 hours, Jamie had lost all of his confidence. They looked at him and almost couldn’t recognise him. And the worst past was that no one really knew what to do with him, how to talk to him, how to cheer him up. Because that’s the thing with teams: you’re a family, you’re all extremely close, but you’re still a bunch of men that don’t know how to handle emotions and how to talk about their feelings. So, they just bottle everything up and hope that, sooner or later, it will just go away.

But right now, looking at Jamie, Sam felt compelled by something to just stand up and walk over to him, to say something. “Is everything all right?”

Sam’s voice startled Jamie, who was so deep in his thoughts he had almost forgotten he was at the clubhouse. “Uh?” Jamie looked up and was met by Sam’s concerned look. “No, yeah, everything is fine.”

“It don’t look like it, bruv.” Isaac joined in the conversation.

Sam took a seat next to Jamie. “You don’t have to talk to us about whatever is on your mind. We’re not going to force you. Just know that we’re here for you.”

“Sì, muchacho. We’re a familia.” Dani and Colin walked over as well, almost forming a barrier between him and the rest of the room, creating a safe space for him.

No one said anything for a few moments, most of them unsure of how to act, of what to say to him. They wanted to ask him, to help him, but they had no idea how. So, they all remained quiet, until Jamie broke the silence. “I feel so stupid.” Jamie’s voice was low. “I… I feel like a middle schooler.”

“What do you mean?” Colin asked.

Sam immediately turned to look at Jamie. “Did something happen with your dad?” And Jamie could feel the worry in Sam’s voice.

“No, no, I haven’t talked with me dad since Wembley.” He shook his head, rubbing his face. “No, I… You’re going to laugh…” He looked up, but all he saw was seriously interested faces, the faces of friends that were genuinely concerned for him. “I have a crush…” He almost whispered, but it was still loud enough for them to hear. They all shared a quick look amongst themselves, before turning to look again at the man sitting before them. “I feel so stupid because, usually, I have all this confidence with women, right? I’m so sure about me self that I don’t worry about the possibility of a rejection. It doesn’t affect me, usually…”

Sam nodded along with everything that Jamie said, as if he could relate to every little detail. “But with this woman in particular, you’re scared.”

Isaac asked the question that everyone wanted to ask. “Who is this woman?”

Jamie looked up from the ground, meeting everyone’s eyes. He could tell that his friends wanted to help him, but something was stopping him, almost too afraid to admit he had feelings for her, too scared that they would laugh in his face and say that she deserved better than him.

“Muchacho, you’re a beautiful man, and every woman would be lucky to be with you.” Dani always had this way of talking that could give confidence even to the shiest and most introverted person in the world.

“No, you don’t understand. This woman is different from the others.” He sighed. “She’s not a top model or an aspiring actress that wants to be with me because I’m famous. She’s… she’s different.” Jamie started fidgeting with the ends of his shoelaces. “And I’m different. I’m not the same person I was two years ago, I know that. And I think that’s why I’m so scared. Like, what if she doesn’t like me? What if she still thinks I’m a prick? Uh?”

“Listen, boyo. You said it yourself; you have changed. And if this woman doesn’t like your new you, then too bad for her.” Colin took a seat next to Jamie, opposite to Sam. “But if you truly like her, you should tell her. Don’t let your fear get in the way of your happiness, okay?”

“Yeah, like Selena Gomez said in her song, the heart wants what it wants.” Smiled Dani.

Jamie looked at those people around him, and for a moment he felt all the guilt for how he had treated them two years before rise to the top. Did they forget everything he had done to them? Did they forget how bad he had made them feel? He had treated them so poorly, and yet, now they were there, next to him, showing care and interest in how he was feeling. “Thank you, boys.” He smiled softly.

“You know we’re here.” Sam smiled, giving him a small push with the shoulder. “We’re family.”

“Yeah, bruv.” Isaac added. “But are you going to tell us who this woman is or not?”

However, their conversation was cut short by the door to the changing room opening, and Y/N walking in, looking around, clearly searching for someone. And that was when the boys realised Jamie didn’t need to tell them anything, because as soon as he saw her, he stood up. He fixed his hair and immediately took a step forward. None of them said anything. They just remained quiet and watched the scene unfold in front of their eyes.

“Jamie.” You smile once you finally met his eyes.

“Y/N” He replied, softly, taking another step towards her.

“Do you… do you think we could talk for a moment? Alone?” She said quietly, but the silence in the room made it extremely complicated for her not to be heard by everyone.

Jamie nodded. “Yeah, sure.”

You smiled, turning around to exit the changing room. Jamie took a deep breath, turning quickly to look at the four guys standing a few steps away from him. He nodded to them, and they nodded to him in return, as a way to say ‘you got this’ or ‘go get her’. So, he took one more deep breath, and followed her outside.

Once he stepped into the corridor, he noticed Keeley and Rebecca standing in the middle of it, looking at the two of them. Keeley smiled, which gave Jamie a boost of confidence, Whereas Rebecca was looking at him in such an intimidating way that immediately sent shivers running down his spine. He knew they were there for you, and he knew how much they cared for you, so it wasn’t difficult for him to understand what Rebecca’s gaze meant: ‘break her heart and I’ll break you’.

He greeted the two women with a quick nod, before realising you were still walking down the corridor. “Wait up, Y/N!” He said, jogging after you. “Where are we going?”

“Boot room. It’s the quietest place in here.” You looked at him, noticing his expression, as if he wanted to say something. “I already asked Will to leave us alone in there.” You replied, quickly grabbing him by his hand and pulling him through the doorway.

“You always think about everything.” He chuckled, getting into the room. He never really understood when or how that room had become like a sort of therapy room for the team, where most of them went when they needed to get something off of their chest or just be alone, but couldn’t leave the clubhouse. That place stank like hell. But he was glad nonetheless for the privacy. “You had your supporters with you as well, uh?” He smiled.

“Yeah.” You laughed under your breath. “They are actually the ones that forced me to come and talk to you.”

“Should I be scared, then?”

“No! No.” You shake your head. “I don’t think so.” You started pacing around the room, trying to give order to all the things you had in your head at the moment.

“Is everything alright?” Jamie looked at you, slightly worried.

You looked at him, taking a deep breath. “Yes.” You nodded. “Just give me a moment because I haven’t really thought about what I want to say to you. Or rather, how I want to say it to you.”

Jamie nodded, taking a step towards you and catching your hand before you stepped away again. “Do you mind if I go first, then?”

You looked at him, surprise painted all over your face. You didn’t know what to say, so you simply nodded, waiting for him to talk.

“Okay, so, first of all, I wanted to tell you that last night was… well, I really enjoyed spending time with you, and I really wish we could do it more often.” He smiled, squeezing your hand as a way to catch your attention. “And then to the difficult part... Okay. The boys told me to just be me self. But it’s difficult, you know? Because, like, I am always me self, but when I’m with you, I’m different from how I am with the others. Not in the sense that I’m not truly me self, but in the sense that, when I’m with you, I’m me self even more than usual.” He stopped, looking down. “Sorry, I didn’t really have anything prepared either.” He chuckles.

You couldn’t help but smile. “Go on, you’re doing great.” You said, trying to look at him in the eyes.

“What I’m trying to say is that when I’m with you, I feel like I’m truly me self. Like I’m the most authentic version of me. And I like it. I want to be like that always. But I feel like I can only be like that when I’m with you.” He looks at you. “I lied before. I don’t want to be with you more often.” You stopped and looked at him completely confused. “I want to be with you as much as I can. I want to be with you every fucking day.” You giggled, feeling the blood rushing up your neck and to your cheeks. “I want to make lunch for you. Well, no, okay. I want to learn how to make lunch for you. I want to take you out to dinner. And I also want to order in and watch a movie on a couch like we did last night. I want you to play with me hair because, fuck, that’s the most relaxing shit ever.” You bit your bottom lip, trying to contain all the happiness that you were feeling in that moment. “I want to go out with our friends and be able to show you off. I want to hold your hand as we walk down the street.”

“Jamie…”

“Wait a second.” He interrupted you, pulling you even closer. “I want you to wear my jersey at matches. And to cheer for me. And I want to kiss you whenever we win a match. In front of everyone. I want to go out and celebrate with the team, and while we’re there, I want to hold you close while we talk with them, and then be able to just walk home together and celebrate just the two of us. And I don’t mean have sex. I mean, that would be fun, but I meant like having a party just the two of us. Drinking, and dancing and laughing. Or we don’t have to go home, and we can just walk around town all night, like we did that time.” He became all serious all of a sudden. “I want to be able to protect you from creepy old men. Actually, no. That wouldn’t be necessary because you would never need to go out by yourself ever again.”

“Jamie, I…”

“Wait, I’m not done.” He interrupted you once more. “I want to be able to sleep over at your place and you over at mine. I want us to buy toothbrushes to leave at the other’s house. I want to wake up next to you like we did today, but I want that every single day. I want to have me clothes at your place and your clothes at mine. I want to drive Roy mad by telling him last minute that I’m sleeping over at your place, so he has to come all the way there. And after I’m done training with him, I want to stop at a cafe as I get back home and I want to buy your favourite latte, so that you can wake up to the smell of warm coffee every day.”

“Jamie!” You shouted, trying to stop him from talking.

“What?”

“Just-” Your hands found their way to the back of his head, as your eyes remained fixed on his. “Just kiss me, will you?” You laughed, before pulling him down towards you.

When your lips finally crashed against one another, you could feel the tension you had been holding in your stomach finally releasing. You pushed yourself on your tiptoes, as Jamie’s hands slowly and softly found their resting place on the small of your back, helping you up, and pulling you closer to his chest. Your hands played with his hair, and in that moment, you were sure he could feel your heart beating like crazy in your chest.

“So…” He whisper while pulling slightly away, only to press his forehead against yours. “Did you want to say something?”

You kept your eyes closed, too afraid to open them and realise that it was only just a dream. “I think you said everything.” You chuckled, trying to get some air back in your lungs.

“Well, if you wanted to say something…”

“Jamie.”

“What?”

“I love you.”

A/N: sorry, this was so long! so, if you read it all the way through, then thank you! please, feel free to leave me any kind of feedback and don't forget to send me suggestions or requests if you have them! thank you again! ily <3

[yelena-bellova]

Heartfirst: A Ted Lasso Story - Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fourteen: All That You Are

Plot: A chaotic press conference precedes a match that ends in violence.

Word Count: 5.2k

Warnings: f!reader, language, minor violence

A/N: I’m gonna chalk this week’s chapters up to having some free time and also being really motivated to get to the next few. Phew, let me tell you…this is the last chance I’m giving y’all to breathe. The final act kicks off in the next chapter and we don’t stop till the very end…so everybody enjoy the fluff and the jokes while you’ve got them 🙃

Let me know if you’d like to be tagged and, as always, enjoy!

————————

AFC Richmond’s hot streak just…kept…going.

They were killing it, both at matches and training. More importantly, they were happy. Joyful, even. Which meant everyone else was too.

More and more fans started showing up to watch training till eventually, the stands were packed. Y/n had begun to come out more often, genuinely enjoying watching the boys practice, and had found a way to make it a PR matter. She helped get the crowd riled up, engaging with them and encouraging them to cheer and chant for their players. She’d collected whatever merchandise they had a surplus of, pens or coffee mugs usually, and made a game of handing them out to the fans that came. Ted had encouraged her to keep doing it, it only further fostered the atmosphere he wanted to create.

Y/n hurried upstairs one day in particular, having missed the alarm set on her phone while she was hauling a bag of freebies from the gift shop to her office. She was never late and felt like she was going to burst into flames for being so.

“Whoa,” Ted called, just a few steps behind her, “Someone call Allyson Felix. Let her know she better watch her back.”

Y/n hung back on the landing to catch her breath, falling back in step once Ted caught up. “We ran out of the mugs the other day but I’ve got coasters and coozies for this afternoon.”

“Ooh,” Ted exclaimed, “You’ve been killin’ it in the swag department, missy. Everyone’s a little more hyped knowing they get a prize just for participation.”

Y/n grunted, “Trophies for doing nothing is also why my generation hates work, so don’t applaud me yet.”

They entered Rebecca’s office laughing only to find the atmosphere contrasting their good moods. Spread out on the couch, Keeley had her face buried in Rebecca’s lap.

“Uh-oh,” Ted announced his presence, “When girl-talk turns into girl-hug, you know that either means something horrible’s happened, or absolutely nothing at all.”

“Please say nothing at all,” Y/n set her purse down and grabbed the takeaway box Rebecca had ordered for her.

“Jack’s ghosting Keeley,” their boss explained.

“Oh, no,” Ted frowned.

Y/n sunk into the cushion beside Keeley, rubbing her shoulder as the blonde snuggled back under Rebecca’s arm.

“First, she wants to go on a break,” Ted recounted, “And now the old digital Irish goodbye. Which is a term I never really understood. ‘Cause I got a buddy back home named Seamus O’Malley, and that son of a gun hugs folks goodbye for, like, twenty minutes before he leaves anywhere.”

Y/n smiled down at her salad. The last few months may have softened her, but decades could pass and Ted would remain the same.

“Yeah,” he looked to Keeley, “Sorry to hear about that. Hey, I did make you some biscuits, you know, just to soften the blow.”

“Oh, thanks Ted,” Keeley took the pink package from him and opened it. Her eye blew open, “What? There’s like forty quid in here.”

“Well, I didn’t know you were gonna be here till this morning,” Ted explained, “No time to do anything special so I just tossed a little cash in there.”

Keeley nodded, “That is very sweet. Thank you, Ted.”

“Ain’t nothin’ to it but to do it,” he shrugged, turning to Rebecca, “Hey, boss. You mind if I skip the press conference today? Michelle and I got these parent-teacher meetings I don’t wanna miss.”

Rebecca shrugged and smiled, “Of course, Ted. Family first.”

“I appreciate it.”

“So…” Y/n trailed off, “Who’s next in line?”

A metaphorical lightbulb went off over Keeley’s head. “We could have Roy do it,” she suggested, “I know he hates that stuff, but he is really good at it.”

Y/n struggled to see the “good” part of how Roy handled the press. On her last count, he’d cussed out no more than six reporters.

“I mean, you know, fine by me,” Ted replied.

Rebecca agreed, “Great idea.”

“Look at you,” Ted smiled at Keeley, “Heartbroken, but still kickin’ butt.”

“I mean, I’m not heartbroken,” Keeley fidgeted in her seat, “It’s more like heart-bent.”

“Heart-bent,” Ted mused, “I like that. It’s a great title for a country song. You know, like,” he began to sing, “I’m heart-bent, in my apartment, ‘cause all that you left, was your fart scent.”

“Alright. Goodbye, Ted,” Rebecca cued him up to leave, though Keeley was laughing and Y/n was smiling through a bite of spinach.

“And now that you’re gone,” Ted continued on his way out to the hall, “I wrote this song, ‘cause all you left was, the smell of your farts.”

Y/n pointed to the door with her fork, “Speaking on behalf of our homeland, we can do better than that.”

Rebecca snorted and Keeley rested her head on Y/n’s shoulder.

“Right,” she held out her hand, “Show me.”

Keeley handed it over and Y/n bore witness to the mile long chain of texts her boss had sent their boss. It was embarrassing to say the least, but Y/n wasn’t about to kick Keeley when she was already laid out.

“Wow,” she strained as she scrolled.

“I know,” Keeley moaned.

“It’s like a river,” Y/n mused as she surfed the rest of the blue bubbles, “Can you promise one thing?”

Keeley hummed.

Y/n handed her phone back, “No more. She’s the one that stomped on you, she gets to do the groveling.”

And grovel she should. From what Keeley had told Y/n, Jack had handled their conversation regarding the video leak and the so-called “statement” horrifically. Jack seemed offended that Keeley had dared to have a meaningful relationship before her. It was jealousy where jealousy didn’t belong.

Whereas Y/n was still struggling to comprehend Jamie and Keeley ever having been together.

“I won’t, I won’t,” Keeley threw her phone on the other side of the couch, “I’m done.”

“Good,” Y/n nodded firmly.

“And that’s all you’ve got to say?” Keeley asked with a raised brow, “Nothing else?”

Y/n purposefully filled her mouth with a far-too-large bite of lettuce. She had plenty to say on the matter, Keeley knew damn well, but she was determined not to do so unless there was a confirmed break-up. After all, Jack was still their boss.

“Nope,” she mumbled.

Rebecca and Keeley descended into a fit of snorts.

Later, the three women were were seeing Keeley out to her car. Roy was just coming down the hall when they came off the last step.

“Oh, speak of the devil,” Rebecca said.

“Okay,” Roy replied before looking to his ex. An awkward silence came about for three seconds, though it felt like much longer. “Keeley.”

“Roy,” she nodded back to him.

Rebecca, blissfully, pulled them out. “So I need you to fill in for Ted at today’s press conference, if that’s okay.”

Roy didn’t hesitate in his reply, “Fuck no.”

Keeley, Rebecca and Y/n were just as unflinching as they waited for the answer to change.

“I mean,” Roy backtracked, “Why can’t Ted do it?”

His eyes went from woman to woman, waiting for one of them to answer or crack or…something.

Or nothing.

“I mean,” he pasted an unnatural grin to his face, “I’d love to.”

Y/n pointed a finger and nodded.

“Wonderful,” Rebecca replied, looking to Keeley and Y/n, “Shall we?”

The three of them left Roy in the hall, waiting for the inevitable reaction.

“Fuck,” he said rather loudly.

“I heard that,” Rebecca smirked.

“You still have my word,” Y/n remarked to her boss, “Send me up there, I’ll give them all they want to know. Sell everybody out. We’ll be on every front page in the country.”

Rebecca laughed, though Keeley missed it entirely. She was too busy glancing back at Roy.

—————————

Later in the afternoon, with the press conference a few minutes away from starting, Y/n swung by her office to pick up the notes she’d jotted down for Roy.

As she grabbed her notebook, she noticed there was a tea sitting next to her laptop.

She picked it up and examined it. It had come from the café, her name was written on the side in the big loopy handwriting Delilah, the barista, used. Assuming she wasn’t being set up to be poisoned, she took a sip and accepted the anonymous kindness.

Y/n made it down to the press room, meeting Higgins in the back and waiting for Roy to enter.

The door opened, and Beard walked through.

Y/n’s face dropped, “Um…”

“Where’s Ted?” Higgins asked.

“Where’s Roy?” Y/n corrected, “He’s supposed to be filling in.”

Beard took his seat at the desk, “Good afternoon. I know you all were expecting Ted, but he couldn’t make it today. I, however, will be happy to answer any and all questions, so,” he gestured to the desk filled with recorders and phones, “Fire away.”

Y/n took a breath, it wasn’t so bad. Beard, while not always the most sociable, was well-spoken and highly intelligent. He might have even been a better choice than Roy for his mood alone.

She regretted every thinking such a thing within two minutes.

“Look, man,” Beard sat back in the chair, ���We can debate all day, Zeppelin versus Eagles, but one thing that is absolutely not up for debate is Walsh versus Page.”

“Oh, come off it,” the man fired back, “You honestly think it’s Walsh over Page?”

Y/n whispered to Higgins, “How did this go so far off the rails this fast?”

“I don’t know,” he replied.

She handed him her tea, “Hold this.”

Y/n quietly and calmly exited the room, breaking into a light jog in the hall and up the stairs. She knocked on Rebecca’s open door but didn’t bother to be invited in.

“Hi,” she greeted quickly, “Um, did something happen to Roy in the two hours since he was last seen?”

Rebecca’s brow lowered, “No, why?”

Y/n thinned her lips to a line, “You might wanna come downstairs.”

Without question, Rebecca followed her down and into the press room. Things had taken another turn in the minute Y/n had disappeared for.

“That is not what I said, Gary,” Beard angrily pointed to the reporter in question.

“I have your quote right here,” Gary chuckled.

“You did say it, Coach,” another on agreed.

“Stay out of this, Lloyd,” Beard snapped.

“Don’t shout at Lloyd,” Sarah, another reporter, said.

Y/n flattened her palm against her forehead.

“You said, and I quote,” Gary looked down at his notes, “‘Joe Walsh is a better guitarist than Jimmy Page.’ That’s what you said!”

Beard leaned back in his chair, exasperated by the fight he’d started. “Fine! I said it,” he spread his arms out in defeat, “But what I meant was that Joe Walsh, underrated. Jimmy Page,” he got stuck on the last word in his rage, “Overrated!”

The room was arguing amongst itself.

“I mean, Joe Walsh is a poet,” Beard went on, “Jimmy Page is a fucking court stenographer on Adderall.”

As the room digested the answer in shock, and amusement, Y/n reached out to Higgins, retaking her tea and taking a large swig as if it were wine.

“Are you out of your mind?” Gary laughed, “Page could beat Walsh with one string.”

“What do you mean, beat him?” Beard replied angrily, “It’s not a competition, man. It’s art, you fucking Neanderthal!”

Y/n, Higgins and Rebecca surged forward at the same time.

“Hello,” Rebecca cheerily announced, trying to draw the attention to herself while Higgins grabbed Beard, who was still arguing with Gary. “Hello! Hello!”

Y/n acted as a shield for Higgins as he walked Beard out of the room, dropping him in the side hall. But not before Beard could get in one last insult.

“‘Stairway to Heaven’” is a glorified fingering exercise, and you all know it!”

Higgins smiled at the press as he shut the door, Y/n blindly reaching behind to help him push against Beard’s weight.

“I can’t think of the last time I was able to be here with all you absolutely…” Rebecca spoke loudly over the noise of Beard still yelling into the door. Y/n and Higgins blocked his face from view. “Just brilliant members of the press down here in the pressroom. So with that in mind, I would love to take some questions. Come on,” Rebecca spread her arms welcomingly, “Absolutely ask me anything.”

“Oh, shit,” Y/n mumbled. This wasn’t any better.

Marcus from The Independent announced himself when Rebecca nodded towards him.

“Hello there, Marcus,” she greeted, “How are you?”

“Very well.”

“Good, good.”

“Miss Welton,” Marcus asked, “In your opinion, who’s the greatest classic rock guitarist of all time?”

Rebecca stuttered a bit, stuck on the question that had her blanking out on any rock she’d ever listened to.

“The, uh…” she struggled, “The…guy from Cream.”

Higgins snorted, Y/n buried her head in her hand as the pressroom quietly and collectively laughed.

“Uh…” Rebecca began.

“I think,” Y/n came to stand beside her boss, grinning abnormally large, “That in the wake of our recent wins, we’re all still a bit hazy from the excitement. I think we’re going to call this for the day, but we’ll be ready and waiting for you after the match this Sunday against Brighton. Thank you so much!”

Y/n placed her hands on Rebecca’s back and marched her towards the door.

“Uh, Ms. Y/l/n,” Marcus spoke up, “Care to comment on who you think the greatest guitarist is?”

“Keith Richards,” Y/n answered, “Purely because he’s still standing.”

Whatever reaction she’d caused, she didn’t hear them. Her and Higgins had gotten Rebecca safely out into the hall.

“Sorry about that,” she shuddered.

“You’re alright,” Y/n patted her shoulder.

“‘The guy from Cream,’” Higgins giggled.

“Yes, all right,” Rebecca twisted to face Higgins, “Don’t start with me, Leslie! I panicked,” she took a seething breath, “I’m going to murder Roy Kent.”

“If you don’t, I will,” Y/n exhaled.

“Look, Roy not doing press is just Roy being Roy,” Higgins stated.

Y/n gestured to the door they’d just come out of, “And look where it got us.”

“Well, I am sick of Roy being Roy,” Rebecca spat, hands on her hips, “So it’s time for Rebecca to be Rebecca.”

Without another word, she marched off in the direction of the training room. The boys would nearly be done with their afternoon workout.

“Oh, yes,” Higgins agreed, “Absolutely- I couldn’t,” he turned with Y/n to watch Rebecca strut away from them, “Yeah. There you go. Yes! Ooh!”

Y/n breathed a laugh, if anyone rubbed off on her from Richmond, she hoped it was Rebecca. There was a fierceness inside her that Y/n had never possessed in her life, but she’d have liked to.

“Stay for the aftermath?” Higgins asked.

“Oh, definitely,” Y/n nodded. She wasn’t going to miss the opportunity to stare down Roy.

Quick enough, Rebecca marched back up the stairs, Roy following thirty seconds later. While Higgins’ best frown was still his worst smile, Y/n glared at the coach unflinchingly. He did his best to ignore them both on the way up to Rebecca’s office.

“Another day,” Y/n mumbled, her and Higgins heading their separate ways for the rest of the afternoon.

As she walked down the hall, some of the boys came out of the training room. She high-fived them before coming up on Jamie, bringing up the rear.

He flicked the cup of tea, still in Y/n’s hand, and smirked. “Cheers.”

Y/n looked back and met his waiting gaze, the two of them sharing a smile. The days at Nelson Road grew more unpredictable the further into the season they got, but some things were as constant as breathing.

——————

The day of the Brighton match started as normal as any other. Y/n made the familiar trek to the owner’s box, taking a seat between Keeley and Higgins, and braced for the ninety minutes of nerves she both hated and loved.

“Oh, it’s Jack,” Keeley announced as she scrolled her phone. The three of them sat to attention as they waited to hear the text, “She’s saying that she’s in Argentina…for the next couple of months.”

“Ouch,” Higgins commented. Y/n scoffed while Rebecca pulled Keeley into her side.

“Well,” Keeley took a breath, “I think our break is actually an ‘up.’ So now that Jack is officially my ex,” she looked between the group, “Please feel free to say any of the things that you didn’t like about her.”

Rebecca sighed, “Well-“

“Ooh,” Higgins chimed in, “Her handshake was way too firm. You know-“ he groaned and grunted as he imitated the action, “I get it. You’re friendly. Good riddance.”

Y/n bit down on her bottom lip, trying to keep the comments from flying out her mouth.

“Something you’d like to say, Y/n?” Keeley asked knowingly.

Shaking her head, she tried to go the diplomatic route. “Just want to watch some football.”

Keeley slowly nodded, staring out at the field with her.

“And she’s a fucking asshole,” Y/n muttered as low as she could to let only Keeley hear it. They smiled to one another.

Right off the bat, the Greyhounds were struggling. Isaac, usually so focused, was off his game. He cost them a goal kick and earned Brighton a corner instead. It wasn’t like him and the fans were letting their displeasure be known.

Even worse, when Colin lost an easy goal, Isaac went after him. The two of them argued until Jamie and Sam, playing peacemaker, held Isaac back from following Colin any further.

Y/n frowned, something had to have happened before the match. The boys were far more in sync than this, and they sure as hell didn’t fight each other.

The first half ended on the heels of Dani just nearly making a goal, only for Brighton to block it. The score was 1-nil as the Greyhounds trudged back to the locker room.

Higgins, Y/n, Rebecca and Keeley went silent as the fifteen minute break began. There wasn’t anything to say.

Y/n’s eyes were glazing over the crowd on the opposite side of the stadium when a commotion started. She followed the noise to the tunnel to see Isaac, leaping into the stands and grabbing one of the fans.

“Oh my gosh,” she mumbled. Keeley, Rebecca and her all rose to their feet.

With the distance, the scene could hardly be seen properly, but it appeared that Isaac was holding the fan by the shirt and yelling in his face. The ref had never pulled the red card out so fast. It was unprecedented and unacceptable.

Higgins rushed out his seat, the women moving to make room for him down the aisle. Y/n’s eyes followed Roy as he helped Isaac down and started shouting something to the security guards.

The scene died down as quickly as it began. The fan was escorted out of the stadium and the Greyhounds disappeared into the tunnel.

“What the hell was that?” Rebecca finally asked.

“I don’t know,” Keeley breathed.

Internally, Y/n began to feel some sort of panic build. She couldn’t decipher the complexities of it, all she knew was she had to move.

“Where are you going?” Rebecca asked as Y/n slid past them.

“I don’t know,” she mumbled Keeley’s same answer, already climbing the stairs.

She hurried through the suite, past all the fans opening social media to post that they’d witnessed the fight themselves. Past all the fans in the concourse exclaiming how McAdoo was about to fucking kill the twat. Y/n couldn’t hear any of it as she made for the personnel-only entrance into the building.

When she made it to the empty hall outside the locker room, she faltered. Her immediate reaction would be to run in, but she knew it was far from appropriate. Her hand instinctively reached toward the door, even with feet of space between her and it. She couldn’t.

Nearly as soon as she’d thought it, Isaac came bursting through the door, unaware of her presence as he stalked to the boot room. He slammed that door shut and Y/n flinch at the sound.

Ten seconds later, Roy came out much more peacefully, but still with purpose.

Y/n stepped forward, her movements and her voice hesitant, “Hey-“

Roy could see the concern etched deeply in her face and touched her arm as he passed. “I got it.”

It wasn’t often that Roy wasn’t scowling, wasn’t speaking like he smoked a pack of cigarettes a day. For him to speak softly, to voluntarily comfort someone, he had to have meant it.

Y/n stood frozen as he shut the door to the boot room, all the pieces of her reaction making sense suddenly. After Isaac had attacked the fan, her first thought hadn’t been about PR. It hadn’t been about the clean-up her and Keeley would have to do, the stress of it all. It hadn’t had anything to do with what the internet would think or the fans or anyone.

Her first thought was to wonder if Isaac was okay.

She knew by now she cared about AFC Richmond. She had a special affection for Rebecca and their weekly tea. Keeley had cracked her way past Y/n’s gates simply by being herself. Ted was the nicest slice of home she could have gotten.

This was different. This was caring so deeply for the team that she was standing in the hall, unmoving until she knew they were all alright.

It was no longer about letting them in, Y/n knew, it was about how deeply etched in her heart they were.

She waited, waited, the whole fifteen minutes, hearing only the muffled mumbles of the team’s conversation through the doors. When they cheered and exited the room, their spirits seemingly lifted, none of them even noticed her against the wall.

Y/n moved to stand outside the boot room, catching Colin and Trent as the last ones to exit the locker room. Trent threw her a small salute that she matched, before heading out to his own seat. She still wasn’t leaving until she knew all was well.

Eventually, Roy came out of the boot room with Isaac in tow. The disgraced captain glanced up at her as he passed, Y/n made a point to squeeze his arm. He didn’t flinch at her touch, but didn’t make a point of lingering as he headed to the locker room to wait the game out.

As Y/n inhaled, Roy nodded, “He’s alright.”

“Okay,” she whispered.

The two of them walked back to their separate paths, Roy heading out to the pitch and Y/n heading back to the owner’s box.

The match turned around after that, tremendously so. The Greyhounds had hit the pitch united once more, particularly Colin, who’d assisted in both goals that had led them to victory. Balance seemed to have been restored, and while Isaac would still be the most memorable part of the game, Colin’s efforts wouldn’t be forgotten.

And, as always, Y/n’s work began the moment the ref called it.

There were strict instructions from both Keeley and her to Higgins not to grab any of the players. They’d no doubt be asked about their captain’s actions and none of them needed to deal with that stress. Ted was the only one who could comfortably handle it.

They waited with Rebecca in the back of the room, Higgins and Trent joined them at the last minute.

“He’s on his way,” Higgins said.

“Thank you, Leslie,” Rebecca replied before turning to Keeley and Y/n, “You gave Ted some talking points?”

Keeley frowned, “No. I haven’t done that in a long time.”

“Not for a while,” Y/n added.

The side door opened before Rebecca could truly begin to worry. Where Ted should have strolled in, Roy did instead.

“Fuck,” Y/n whispered, punctuated by a gag from Higgins.

Roy took a seat at the desk, staring down the entire room. No one was wearing their surprise well.

“Yeah, alright, you got me today,” he growled, “Any questions?”

Every reporter’s hand went up, all of them shouting to get Roy’s attention.

“Fucking hell,” he mumbled before pointing to one of them, “You. Five-o’-clock shadow head.”

Gary, self-proclaimed Jimmy Page fan, stood up. “Coach Kent, do you or the organization condone what Isaac McAdoo did today?”

“What a stupid fucking question,” Roy was quick to reply, Rebecca, Higgins and Y/n all screwing their eyes shut. “‘Course we don’t. What Isaac did was awful. He was lucky he only got a red card.”

“Okay,” Gary relented, “So why’d he do it?”

Roy chuckled, looking like he was nearly about to say something before stopping himself. Instead of cursing or snarking, he settled back in his chair.

“When I was first coming up through Sunderland, there was an old-timer on the team,” Roy began, “Local guy. He and his wife were about to have their first kid. So during training one day, I made a joke that statistically, I was probably the real dad. And the boys fell about laughing, but he went fucking nuts. He battered me. Properly. I had a black eye, chipped tooth, three broken ribs…I couldn’t play for six games. He got booted off the team. After that,” Roy shook his head, “No club would go near him.”

“Then in the summer, after I could breathe again,” he went on, “I bumped into him in a pub. And I got the chance to say sorry for my stupid fucking joke. And he got to tell me he and his wife had lost the baby a month before all that went down. He hadn’t told anyone. Kept it all inside.”

The room had fallen hush, save for the occasional click of a camera.

“Look, I get that some people think if they buy a ticket,” Roy’s voice regained its strength, “They’ve got the right to yell whatever abusive shit they want at footballers. But they’re not just footballers. They’re also people. And none of us,” he dragged his finger across the room, “Know what is going on in each other’s lives.”

“So for Isaac to do what he did today, even though it was wrong,” Roy pointed to his chest, “I give him love. And as for why he did what he did,” he leaned closer to the microphones, “That’s none of my fucking business.”

That was it. There was nothing left to say. Roy had handled it with more grace and patience than anyone could have expected.

Y/n smiled to herself, “Okay.”

“Next question,” he called to the room, which erupted back into shouts and flashes, “Yeah, new Trent.”

“Coach,” Marcus spoke up, “Let’s talk about Colin Hughes.”

“Yeah, he’s a hell of a player,” Roy answered, “And a great man. I think we’ve underused him.”

“I think you’re right,” Marcus said.

“Glad we agree,” Roy replied, “I prefer you to old Trent.”

The room laughed before Roy called on the next reporter. Rebecca and him shared a look of acknowledgement, this was making up for his ditching of the last presser.

Roy went on answering questions a few minutes longer before abruptly calling it. As everyone was saying their goodbyes for the evening, Y/n caught him in the hall.

“You did good,” she complimented.

Roy grunted a little, still bad at taking praise about anything other than his professional abilities. “Sorry if I…made your job harder the other day.”

She shrugged, “No more so than anyone else. You’re just more of a dick about it.”

Having said it with a smile Roy knew Y/n wasn’t serious…totally. His lips quirked up ever so slightly.

“Night, Roy,” Y/n said, hitting his arm as she walked past him.

“Cheers,” he replied, heading his own way.

—————————

While the day was a victory, Jamie was exhausted. Some of the boys had gone out to celebrate, he was one of the ones who decided heading home was more appealing.

A ring of the doorbell dragged him off his couch and into the entryway. He opened the door, his chest both filling and draining at the sight.

Y/n was leant against the frame, a soft smile on her lips. She held up a paper takeaway bag.

“I won’t tell Roy if you don’t,” she promised.

Jamie chuckled under his breath and moved to let her in.

It wasn’t just the match that’d worn Jamie out. Colin’s confession in the locker room was…heavy. Weighing most on Colin, of course, but when the celebratory noise had died down and Jamie was left to his own thoughts, he found they were louder than normal.

Y/n showing up only acted as an amplifier.

Here was Colin, hiding away one of the biggest parts of himself. Forced to keep the person he loved in the shadows for fear of the public’s reaction. He couldn’t hold them, couldn’t be seen with them, couldn’t claim them. The person who meant everything to him.

And here was Jamie, with the woman he cared about most standing before him, feeling the weight of his privilege.

“Samir was working tonight,” Y/n announced as she slipped off her shoes, “He kept asking me if I was buying for us both. I think he slipped in some extra-“

She was cut off by Jamie, wrapping his arms around her in a full embrace.

Jamie wasn’t good with words. He was barely good with feelings. And expressing them was a whole other matter. What he did know to be true was that Y/n was the singular most important person in his life. Whether he’d realized it before or not, he wasn’t sure. But it was suddenly crushing him, he was overwhelmed by his affection for her. She was the best part of his worst times, the highlight of his days. The literal sunshine lighting up the darkest parts of him, the parts everyone else looked at and ran from. But not her, never her.

Y/n stumbled a bit, Jamie steadying her as he tugged her to his body. It wasn’t like they never hugged, but this felt different. The whole day had been so emotionally charged, she wasn’t surprised that he was feeling some of it. She wasn’t sure what had happened in the locker room between halves or after the game, but whatever it was had done something to him, and she apparently was the solution.

The truth was, Jamie was the first person Y/n hadn’t tired of being there for. She wanted to save him at every possible opportunity. To be there for him in whatever way he needed her. Lord knows he had done it enough for her. He’d looked at her ugliest parts and matched them, the two of them somehow growing together through their horrible histories. Some relationships were easily replaced, but there could never be another Jamie.

Y/n slid her arms around Jamie’s back, stealing some of the comfort for herself.

Jamie rested his chin on her shoulder, shutting his eyes and letting the moment wash over him. The world could stop, just for a moment, and it would be there when they broke apart. But for now, Y/n was all he wanted to feel.

They stayed in the hall, clinging to one another, having only unwrapped the first layer of what all they felt meant.

—————

Heartfirst Taglist: @lalla-04p @optimisticsandwichgladiator @makingmunson94 @taytaylala12 @storysimp @sokkigarden @lightninginab0ttle @poohkie90 @alipap3 @verra-nerevarine @shineforever19 @spaceagechimera @burnafter-reading @qardasngan @cyberpvnk-enthusiast @sogoodtoheritsvicious @buckybarnex @angelsunflxwer @blueanfield @thewildestwonderland @sablecities @oxxolovemelikeyoudooxxo @strawberryacethingz @mentalistfan @tortilla-maria1 @katdahlali @for-fuck-sake-im-alive @glitterquadricorn @jamieolivia27 @imvibin69 @katlizada @lil-tracys @fanaticalfantasist @heyitz-julia @cactajuice @peachyy-tea @notalxx @rockchickrebel @anxiety-prime-max @loveforaugust @jellycolors @actuallybarb @heletsmelovehim @lovinnscarletknight @imfalling-inlove @leslieiscrying @meg-ro @littlemisssunshine192 @beboldbebravethings @maydayfigment @spencerreidsbookclub @dream-alittlebiggerdarling @lemoonandlestars @im-a-weirdo-for-life @mindless-rock (tags cont. in comments ❤️)

[hmslusitania]

Ted Lasso is a portal fantasy

I know, I know it's not in any way a speculative fiction show. I know. Bear with me for a second. Ted Lasso is a portal fantasy, but the real question is whether this is the story we know from the Wizard of Oz, or Mary Poppins. Ted himself is at once Dorothy and Mary, and I think my reaction to the end of Ted's story, specifically, depends on whether you take the show at it’s title, that it’s about Ted Lasso (Dorothy) or take the show at Ted’s word that it was never about him (Mary Poppins).

To Ted, he is very literally Dorothy.

He’s away from Kansas, he’s surrounded by the reminder that “there’s no place like home”, and he spent the finale wearing honest to god ruby red sneakers. The evil wizard stalked down from his curtained owners box and was removed from power. The lion got her courage, the tin man for his heart, and the scarecrow got his brain, and Dorothy went back to Kansas (leaving Toto behind). But unlike Dorothy, we didn't really get the build up that Ted had to go back to Kansas to get what he wanted -- Henry back in his life. Rebecca even offered him the choice to stay, and the means to bring Henry and even Michelle back to London with him. Exactly zero compelling reason was offered to explain why Ted wouldn't take that offer. But he's Dorothy, in a portal fantasy, and that's what Dorothy does -- she goes home. It is the ending of the vast majority of portal fantasies, no matter how much it will fuck up the protagonist (there's a whole series detailing that damage and undoing it by tumblr's own Seanan McGuire which I highly recommend btw). To me, this is an unsatisfying ending for Ted himself, since no reason was given for him to turn down Rebecca's offer.

However.

To the Richmond family, Ted is Mary Poppins.

One of the complaints I’ve seen about this season is that we don’t know where Ted is, emotionally. Much like Mary Poppins, whose internality as a character is, at best, an afterthought. Mary Poppins is not the point of Mary Poppins. The children she helps are the point of Mary Poppins, and when she leaves at the end, although you’re sad to see her go, you know the kids she left there have grown as people and will continue to grow by her example and her benevolent Julie Andrews ways. And by and large, you don’t really worry about the place Mary Poppins goes to. She’s Mary Poppins and she’ll do what she does and ours is not to question etc. ("Mary Poppins isn't a portal fantasy" yeah, I know, technically, but it's kind of an inside out portal fantasy since there's a character who came from another kind of realm, who swept in to be the answer to some problem, and then went home {or, wherever}; it's just we're seeing it from the pov of the locals rather than the person from the other realm.)

The Richmond Team have all grown as people under Ted's stewardship. As we’ve seen in the character progressions particularly of Roy, of Nate, of Rebecca, they will continue in the Richmond way that they’ve developed. Forever changed by Ted sailing in on his parasol, missing him certainly, but able to continue. More narrative weight is given to the Mary Poppins side of the story, and in this scenario, I take much, much less issue with Ted's the character's ending.

In conclusion, Ted Lasso is the story of Mary Poppins staring Dorothy Gale in the titular role.

[chimcess]

Afterglow || jhs

Pairing: Hoseok x Reader Other tags: Vampire!Hoseok, Vampire!Reader Genre: Supernatural!AU, Vampire!AU, Twilight Universe, established relationship, fluff, smut, pwp Word Count: 4.5k+ Synopsis: "A loud crack of lighting boomed in the distance followed by a low rumbling. The storm was here. My love was not. I kept watching and waiting." Warnings: Character death (brief), mental illness (not reader and very brief), penetrative sex, oral sex (f receiving), vaginal fingering, lots of licking, kisses, slow and deep, Hoseok is a vocal boy, they are so in love, edging, over stimulation, hair pulling, man handling, growling, body worship, breast worship, unprotected sex (stay safe), vampire/animal sounds, implied outdoor sex, they are honestly so freaking cute, let me know if I missed anything A/N: So, I recently rewatched the entire Twilight Saga and couldn't stop myself. I promise they have nothing to do with the Cullens. I'm simply borrowing S.Meyer's universe for a second. Thanks for reading.

Staring out of the second story window, I frowned. There was a thunderstorm on its way and the wind was harsh. Still, I stayed put. I would not move until I knew he was coming back.

The first few droplets that landed against my cheeks were freezing and as the rain started coming down, I got soaked. There had been a window here once but after a rather unfortunate night, one where mama had shouted and threw a candlestick holder at my head, the glass was all but gone. Only one singular piece along the very bottom of the trim remained.

She was dead now, well, as dead as I believed her to be. Daddy, too. Only I remained. The house had been suffocating at first, my body unable to handle the loneliness. My memories of the attack were weak and dimly lit, but I could never forget the moment the burn began. I will never forget what led up to it.

At the ripe age of nineteen, my father was planning to marry me off to a local boy called Percival Hobbs. Mr.Hobbs was a fine gentleman, his sensibilities and wit uncharacteristically gentle and kind for a man of the era. We were both middle classes, his family only slightly richer than my own, and well matched. I was happy to be marrying him, especially when he told me his plans of expanding his father’s business out of Virginia. I hated this place back then; I could recall that fairly well despite the thick film which covered my old life.

My mother was an unusual woman of which I had gotten my own set of quirks. When I was young, I could remember her singing as she cooked, weaving flowers through her greasy hair as she doted on my father as if he were a king. We never went without, and her joy was contagious. My mother, for all intents and purposes, was a happy person. Perhaps a bit odd, she was more outspoken and considered rather rude to the other women in Richmond, but no one could truly say anything bad about her.

It was only after a particularly nasty accident that her behavior changed. We were on our way to visit her sister in Norfolk when our horses were startled by something out in the woods. Our carriage took a fall and my mother hit her head on a rock. We were all lucky to have survived the ordeal, something my father praised God for, but mama was never the same. She never smiled, hardly spoke, and could never find the melodies of the songs she had loved so dearly. It was as though a switch had been flipped and the light within her was turned off.

Daddy was nervous, as was I, but childish worries and adult sorrow were different. I believed she was sad, but my father knew she would never return back to normal. His work became more demanding after that. As a lawyer, my father was held in high regard at the time and worked long days and nights in order to provide for the three of us. They never bore another child. I believe it was because my mother could no longer stand to be touched and my father could never hurt her, even if it broke his heart.

Years passed that way until a sudden change began to occur. No longer was she silent, but the songs she sang were very different. Her eyes were more alive than they had been in a long, long time, and her voice had come back. The joy of this was short lived, however, as her delusions started soon after. Men who were not really men, monsters who could love, and things that would reflect like diamonds in the sunlight. All of it rubbish, all of it insane, but all of it real in her fragmented mind.

Daddy was planning on getting her committed after she said there were people living in the walls of our home. He might have killed her for declaring her love for a man who shined in the sun if he had not believed her to be completely psychotic. All the while I watched as the woman I held dearly began to hate and resent the both of us. That was when the shouting started, the violence, and then father had no choice but to call the doctor.

He had no way of knowing the chain of events that could cause, nor the dire consequences it would have on me. The doctor came to the house a little after midnight to take my mother away. She screamed and thrashed violently as she went, calling out to her monster to come and save her.

His name had been Louis and I only remember it because of what happened next. She had only said his name once, a broken and terrified cry for help, when the figure appeared. He was a beautiful man; his skin so pale it shined in the carriage’s lantern light. I do not remember if his hair had been brown or black, it was too dark to make out, but I did know his eyes were red. Bloody, dripping with hatred, and trained on the hands of the doctor holding my mother.

The doctor was dead in the next breath he took, my mother curling into the beast’s chest in complete hysterics. Louis then looked at my father, his intentions clear, before finding me. I was crying, my nightgown thin and exposing, and my own horror was reflected back at me. Whatever he saw that day made all the difference. Killing my father was easy for him to do. If he was my mother’s lover, then he would have hated the man who bore her children. I don't remember screaming but I could recall my mother telling me not to be afraid. Louis would make it quick. My death, she said, would be painless.

It was not. When Louis’s teeth sank into my neck, I only felt the slightly pinprick of pressure before I grew tired and weak. I knew I would die, and I did not fight it. I was either too weak or shell-shocked to put much behind it. Then, he was off of me, and I was fighting to keep my eyes open.

“You will be magnificent,” He whispered, kissing my cheek. His voice was soft, presumably to keep my mother from hearing us. I would never know why. “I will take care of her. You take care of yourself, little one.”

Then they were gone, Louis and my mother both. I had barely managed to crawl back inside, my hand clutching the wound on my neck, when the burning started. It lasted for three days and when it was over, I woke up afraid and starved. My father and the doctor were still outside, but I did not care who they were. I drained what was left of them before realizing what I had done. Ashamed and mortified, I put them both in the carriage and set it on fire. No one could know what had happened, of that I was certain.

The next few years of my life were spent in the forests of Virginia staying out of sight and hunting. I lived off of animals mostly, their deaths did not weigh down on my conscience as much as a human's did. My family home was vacant, untouched, and our names were forgotten to time. In 1875, I finally emerged from my isolation in the forests and moved back in. By 1900, I was able to venture into town on a rare occasion when the sun was well hidden beneath a thick layer of clouds. The house had gone through very few changes and the room I stood in now had been my father’s study. I hated the thought of touching anything in it, but I knew I would need to fix this issue. I could feel how weak the wood around it was becoming.

A loud crack of lighting boomed in the distance followed by a low rumbling. The storm was here. My love was not. I kept watching and waiting.

I met Hoseok through coincidence. My friend Seokjin, a Korean immigrant who traveled across the world as a nomad, had stumbled across the boy when he was dying from tuberculosis on the streets of New York. Jin, feeling sorry for the young man, changed him as he had done so five other times. All of his children were nomads, two of them finding their mates, and I got along with them rather well. Hoseok was no exception.

Jin had come to me after Hoseok had taken a swipe at his sire’s own newly transformed mate, Evelyn. The boy needed someone to help him with his temper and dealing with two newborns was rather difficult. I remembered my own early years with distaste. We acted more like animals than people.

Hoseok arrived on my doorstep in 1953, angry, hungry, and completely irrational. He was just over a year old and while the worst of it was over, he had a gift that took its toll on him. Not all of our kind had an extra sense. Jin, for example, was completely normal. His beauty was unparalleled, but even in his human life he was the most handsome man one could have met. Hoseok, however, was not as lucky.

The boy was incredibly powerful, his ability to hypnotize anyone with the sound of his voice was something the Volturi, the leaders and rulers of our kind, would love to get their hands on. For Hoseok, it made his thirst grow quicker and he lacked control of it. He could easily manipulate those around him without meaning to, which was why his brothers did not want to deal with the task. I was Jin’s last resort and the only reason he had come to me was my own gift.

I lived in my world in a sort of bubble. Gifts, no matter the kind, were ineffective against it. The bubble was invisible, elastic, and malleable, but impenetrable. I could choose to remove it from myself and take the brunt of whatever ability was being thrown at me, but I had only done it twice. Both times had been when Jungkook had come to see me and wanted to know if his gift, to make fake clones of himself, could throw me off. He won the first round, but I came out on top the second time. Being the sore loser he is, Jungkook never asked for a rematch.

Hoseok and I took some time to warm up to one another. The pull toward him was instantaneous but he was too young and wild for either one of us to explore what that could mean. The first five months was spent chasing him down before he could attack the unsuspecting townsfolk in Richmond. Then it was showing him the way I hunted. When his eyes changed from red to amber to gold, his mood stabilized. Our friendship was finally able to take root and before long our love bloomed.

After our first kiss under the stars in the trees that surrounded my home, we were connected so deeply that removing one would surely bring death upon the other. When I was a child, I had been disappointed to grow up in the East. We were in the more rural part of Richmond and all of the girls at school made fun of me for being a ‘country bumpkin.’ As a vampire, however, my little ranch was a paradise. Hoseok and I could make love for hours and no one would hear a thing.

Right now, during this thunderstorm, would be prime time for us to lose ourselves within one another. It was a shame he had decided to go hunting alone today. Hoseok liked having space far more than I did, but I understood his wants and needs and gave him what he asked for. I could only hope his delay was from him getting distracted and not an unfortunate slip up. He had them more than I did, and they ruined his mood for weeks.

Finally, I saw him. His black hair was slick and stuck to his forehead from the rain, the linen pajamas he had worn out transparent and heavy. Elated to finally have him home, I jumped out of the window and crashed into him. The sound was thunderous.

Hoseok laughed, “Hey there, Sunshine.”

On top of him, I sighed, holding him close to me. The rain was cold, but it would not bother me. I could not get sick. Capturing his lips, I finally felt at ease. I did not like it when he was gone. The house was too quiet.

“I love you,” I sighed, feeling my body hum to life with need. “I missed you. Touch me.”

This aspect of our love life had been difficult for me at first. I was from an era when a woman did not speak this way, but after gentle coaxing from my lover, I had gotten over the prudishness of the 1850s. We were, after all, more connected than any human couple could hope to be. Gripping my hips, Hoseok licked my bottom lip.

“Can we go inside?” He asked, nipping at my chin as my hands shredded his shirt. “The rain is distracting.”

I nodded and he scooped me up, carrying me back inside at our natural speed. We were fan, faster than any living thing on the planet, and able to see the world clearly as we passed it by. Hoseok ripped the front door of its hinges, making me laugh. He was always so impatient when it came to sex.

We ran up the steps, passing the study on the way to our bedroom. The door was still open, the rain pouring into it. I wondered briefly what my father would have thought of Hoseok. Then his lips were attached to my ear and all thoughts of my father were gone.

He was less aggressive with the door to our bedroom. A creak inaudible to the human ear sent a chill up my spine as I clung to his wet body. His skin felt hot under my hands despite how cold we both were. Hoseok was panting like a dog, more from his excitement than any real need for air.

He laid me down on our bed gently before tearing off my dress. The chemise pulled apart as easily as a piece of paper. Hoseok’s mouth found my chest as soon as it was exposed to him, mouth finding a nipple as a hand fiddled with the other. Whining, I buried my hands in his hair and held him close to me.

“I missed you so much,” I cried out.

Hoseok bit down on the little nub before letting it go with a loud smack. Fingers still twisting and brushing my right nipple, he smiled down at me. Topaz eyes were pitch black with desire and a low purr reverberated through his chest. I felt it in my groin.

“I missed you more,” He replied huskily.

I smiled shyly, reaching out for him. Hoseok leaned into my touch, purring increasing as I caressed his face. Pouting my lips, I begged him to come closer with my eyes. He smiled; his eyes soft.

“I wish you could see how beautiful you look right now.”

He sucked on my chest for what felt like hours, grinding his hips down to meet my own, and purring like a cat the entire time. He had always embraced the more animalistic aspects of our life. My breathy sighs spurred him on, my hands increasing their wandering across his torso, as I silently pleaded with him for more. Hoseok only made me wait a few moments more before sloppy kisses descended down my stomach.

A thin pair of cotton underwear separated us, but he simply licked over the fabric. I cried out, the pleasure sending shockwaves through my body. Long, hard swipes of his tongue had my writhing, his breath so hot and warm against me it felt like I was taking a scolding bath. With every lick and suck I felt myself grow hotter. Hoseok lost himself to his own pleasure, rubbing himself against the mattress as he held my legs apart.

Sex was not always so brazen. Our first few times were more primal, the need to be close after months of dancing around the issue making the release all the more powerful. After that, I had grown slightly shy. Hoseok had taken to leaving my top on during those days, letting me grow more comfortable in his presence, and taking me so gently I cried. The next 70 years have taught us a great deal about one another, and now sex was just a part of who we were. Not a day went by that we were not lost to it, each time bringing out a different part of us, before going back to our respective hobbies. In a storm like this, however, I imagined we would not leave this bed.

“Please,” I whined. “More.”

Finally, the thin piece of cotton was removed, and his tongue was on me. Long and broad at first, he liked to play with me for a few moments before diving in. Unlike myself, my love had enough patience to watch and wait. Savoring it, he said. I think he just enjoyed being the only person who could see my eyes roll back in ecstasy.

I felt the ghost of his fingers trailing down my leg at the same time his mouth found my clitoris. I hissed, back arching off the bed as he swirled his tongue around the bud. His finger pressed against my opening. I gushed around it, grinding my hips down and forcing the tip inside of me. Hoseok groaned, tongue becoming more aggressive. I cried out, pushing down again and swallowing more of his finger. Finally, with a deep growl, he pushed it the rest of the way and added another immediately after.

I had never felt more alive than when we were in this bed. With Hoseok on top of me, eyes hungry and watching my every move like I was the most beautiful thing he has ever seen. The monster within me was finally asleep as I became all consumed with his touch. Finding the soft bundle of nerves within me, Hoseok purred. I sobbed, the pleasure overwhelming.

“Look at you,” Hoseok rasped, moving from my sex to watch me. His fingers stretched me out as my hips raised to meet his thrusts. “So pretty and warm.”

He kissed my neck, “Your body is so beautiful.”

Languid kisses down across my throat, teeth gently grazing the skin, before trailing back down to my breasts. They had always been his favorite part of my body. He licked down the swell before kissing my nipple. His fingers sped up their menstruations making me mewl.

“God,” He croaked, voice deeper than normal. “You love this, don’t you?”

I nodded, body twitching and convulsing. “Yes.”

“Tell me how much,” He sucked on my left nipple.

I struggled to find words. My body was on fire now, my stomach tightening and expanding, and I knew I was close. My thighs were shaking so violently I would be embarrassed if it was anybody else, but this was Hoseok, and I knew he was happy to see my body singing for him. Somehow, I managed to speak.

“So much,” I breathed. “I love it so much.”

Sitting back on his ankles, he smirked. His shirt was gone and his toned body was on full display. I would never get bored of looking at him. Hoseok was the most beautiful person I had ever seen.

“You’re so messy,” His voice was like velvet. “So wet for me.”

His thumb found my clit and I was cumming before I could really savor the feeling. With a loud shout, I fell apart with Hoseok’s eyes on me. I was wired up and so desperate for more I began to beg. My pleas came out without a single thought behind them. I was drunk on pleasure and yearning for more.

“Just relax,” He finally said, hovering over me once more. His fingers were gone now and I began to tear at his pants. They were still wet and his skin had cooled the rain even further. “I’m going to take care of you.”

My hands were all over him. With his pants disposed of and his cock out, I held it tightly as I began to work my hands in a rhythm I knew he loved. Hoseok let out a guttural sound, a mix between a bear and a mountain lion, as he began to fondle my breasts again. Flicking my nipples, he fucked himself into my hand as he panted.

“Stop,” He grunted, grabbing hold of my wrist. “Grab your legs.”

I did as I was told. It had been difficult to let go of my control in the beginning. I was such a tightly wound person, my need for schedules and sameness a byproduct of my upbringing. I was raised to be prim, proper, and well put together. Even if I did not feel well, I was to be washed, dressed, and smiling all day long. Father would not accept anything less.

When my sexual relationship with Hoseok started, that was still a large part of who I was. When we changed we were frozen in time. It took a lot to cause great change within our kind. For myself, I had only had two since the burning stopped. The first was my decision to stop hunting the humans in my area. Animal blood helped calm the raging anger and depression I carried over from the last night I was alive. The second had been Hoseok’s arrival. Our mates changed us in the most profound way, and his existence made the looming sadness I carried with me fade. It was not gone, it would never fully heal for that was impossible, but he made the gaping hole in my heart three times smaller.

The other thing that changed was my horrible habit of controlling the people around me. Jin and the others all commented on my inability to relax or let go. Jimin, the first person Jin had ever changed, had joked that I was the only vampire in existence with wrinkles. I laughed at the time, but after Hoseok came to me I realized he had been right. I was always stressed, always striving for perfection, and always disappointed when it never came to fruition.

Laying underneath him, I was in awe at how easily I pushed my legs up against my chest. My arm pinned them down. There was not a worry about how improper I looked or if my hair was splayed out nicely. I did not care if this was perfect because I knew we were. Hoseok pressed himself to my entrance and I smiled. I did not need perfection so long as I had him.

Pushing himself into me, he cried out in pleasure while I chanted ‘yes’ over and over and over again. Buried to the hilt, Hoseok took a moment to hook my legs around his hips and kissed the tip of my nose. With a soft declaration of his love, he began to move.

I held onto his arms with everything I had. Hoseok was stronger than I was so I did not need to worry about my own strength bothering him. Outside the storm raged on while we rejoiced in our pleasure. Hoseok’s thrusts were hard, steady, and hit my deepest spot with precision. After so long we had one another memorized.

“S’good,” Hoseok slurred, his hips pistoning into me roughly. “You feel so good.”

I whimpered, “Baby, please.”

He grabbed my hair, roughly shoving my face into the mattress as he lifted his leg onto the bed. I wailed, his cock pounding into my g-spot making me see stars. His own sounds grew louder, growls and snarls filling the space as the sounds of us coming together grew louder and louder.

Fire was pooling in my lower abdomen, so hot it rivaled my change. I could feel Hoseok pulsing inside of me, his grip on my hair still hard and strong. Then he tugged, my head lifting off the bed as he manhandled me. He forced our mouths together, a clashing of teeth and tongue as he chased his own high. Time began to slow before fading, the fire all consuming, and I could no longer respond to Hoseok’s kisses. He let go of me then and I fell back onto the bed.

Everything faded into white, hot, searing sparks shooting up my entire body and licking my bones on their way out. I could vaguely hear the sound of something being torn as my body convulsed with the weight of my orgasm. Above me, Hoseok stuttered.

“I love you,” He said, his own pleasure closing in.

I hardly paid him any attention. Our kind would never tire, never sleep, or sweat, but I was positive I was at least two of them at this moment. I felt like I was in a trance as I watched him fall apart, his eyebrows pulled together and his mouth agape. His grunts and groans were more like cries now, higher and pitch and breathless. Then, with one final thrust he was spilling into me.

We stayed that way for a while, Hoseok inside of me as we looked into one another's eyes. Neither one of us was particularly tired but I knew we would take a break before our next round. The both of us enjoyed the human charade of cuddling and pretending to sleep for a time. Eyes closed and breathing evenly before finally one of us would break. Outside a particularly loud rumble made him grin.

“How would dancing in the rain sound?” He asked.

I laughed, heart full now that he was here.

“What kind of dancing?” I teased, already knowing my answer.

“Well, it will not require clothing.”

I pushed him away, sending his body back toward the other side of the room. With a wicked grin, Hoseok jumped to catch me, but I was already gone. If Hoseok was the strongest, I was the fastest. I ran down the hall, into my father's study, and out of the window with Hoseok fast on my trail.

My change had always seemed so meaningless before Hoseok came. Years spent wondering Louis’s reasoning and subsequent abandonment. I had never seen nor heard from either Louis or my mother since that night, and that left so much time for me to grow angry and bitter about this life. I hated what I was and who I was forced to be.

Now, running in with Hoseok in the afterglow of our love I realized something that would cause a third change within me. Everything that had led me up to this moment was worth it. All of the pain, loneliness, and heartache I had gone through was not a curse. It was a precursor. Every memory leading to the very reason for my existence closer still. A smile stretched across my face, one of my rarest, largest of smiles, and I let Hoseok catch me.

As long as he was here, nothing else mattered.

© chimcess, 2024. Do not copy or repost without permission.

[pandorasprongs]

JAMIE TARTT | call it what you want.

PAIRING: jamie tartt x fem!reader

WORD COUNT: 5.7k

SUMMARY: reader's family comes to visit london and she ends up having to hide her relationship with jamie till the final game of the season.

WARNINGS: language, innuendos

A/N: this is technically a sequel to my comfort crowd story that was my first one about jamie, but it can be read as a standalone too! would recommend reading it first since it gives a little backstory to the garden and reader's past relationship. also, you'll probably be able to tell that i rewatched match scene in the finale for a certain scene AHAHAHA i really wanted to show jamie's more affectionate side, so there's def a few cheesy scenes in here! the title is taken from 'call it what you want' by taylor swift

It's midnight when you hear a knock on your door. Any reasonable person would've ignored it and/or hid in case it was some axe murderer. Of course, you knew it wasn't a murderer, just your boyfriend.

"I thought I said you couldn't stay over tonight?" You say when you open the door to reveal Jamie, whose expression quickly turns into a pouty face.

"I know, but I missed you," You playfully roll your eyes, yet are unable to stop your smile. Christ, he could be annoying, but he could also be pretty sweet. Those two balanced each other out.

"Fine, come in, but you can’t sleep here," You take his hand and bring him inside your flat. He plants a kiss on your temple and the two of you settle down on the couch, which for you was a deserved reward.

The reason why you were up so late despite having to work in the morning was that you had been trying to make your place spotless before your brother and his family came to visit the next day. They had already been in England for a few days but were only coming to London now to visit you and to attend the final Richmond match of the season.

"How's the cleaning going?" Jamie asks, as he wraps one arm around you and reaches for the remote in the other one.

"Took five hours, but at least it’s done." You sigh as you settle closer to Jamie. Even if you had warned him not to come over tonight, you still appreciated his presence.

When you started dating, you never expected the football player to be so clingy, but not even a day after your first date, he was already hanging around you every chance he got.

You couldn’t even hide it from the team because the moment Sam caught the two of you arriving at the clubhouse together, that was it for you guys. They were happy for the two of you, though sometimes too happy, especially whenever you had to call Jamie for a physical and they automatically assumed it was code for something.

"How was practice?"

"Good. The team's having a hard time mastering the start though. The timing's always off," He explains about the surprise goodbye performance they were doing for Ted and Beard. 

They had been planning it from the moment they heard the news the two of them were leaving for Kansas at the end of the season. Well, right after they all finished processing — through crying, screaming, protesting, and the like — the news.

"You guys will do fine," you take the remote from his hand and start looking for a certain movie. "Plus, even if you fuck it up, I’m sure they’ll love it regardless." That gets Jamie to chuckle and you feel the vibrations from his chest.

"How about this? Let's watch the Sound of Music, so you can try and copy one of the von Trapp siblings!" You suggest as you press play on the movie. Jamie doesn't protest and simply wraps his other arm around you too.

You look up at your boyfriend and suddenly feel a pang of guilt. "I'm really sorry,"

You don't need to explain further because Jamie instantly understands. He kisses you on your forehead, "Stop saying that. I know you don't want your family to know you're dating such a talented football player because you're afraid one of them will try and steal me from you."

You remove yourself from Jamie before playfully pushing his head. "Yeah, that's exactly right." The both of you laugh as Jamie pulls you in again.

You had already explained why you were hiding it from them back when you found out they were visiting. You had already been dating Jamie for a couple of months, but not a single person back home knew. 

Most of your family knew about the disastrous way your last relationship ended and you were sure they'd be extra protective about the next guy. As much as you loved being with Jamie and knew he wasn’t that guy anymore, you knew that your football-obsessed family was aware of who he used to be.  Stories of the multiple scandals, hook-ups, and rumors of unsportsmanlike conduct throughout the years were the exact reason you were so afraid to tell them. Those were in the past and you knew that, but you weren’t so sure how to convince your family of that, too. 

Jamie, true to form as the prick he is, completely understood and never tried to pressure you to tell them. He was even the one to tell the whole team that your brother was coming to visit and they had to, in his words, shut the fuck up about your relationship.

This was probably the last night for a few days you two could comfortably spend together, so you didn't really want to force him away. The two of you just sat there watching a Julie Andrews classic where you'd occasionally hear Jamie sing along to the musical numbers.

It was around 2 am when the movie finished and now, he definitely had to go home. Even then, you had a hard time separating yourself from Jamie, but your rational brain was telling you it would be bad for a secret relationship if your family caught him in the apartment.

"See you tomorrow, yeah?" Jamie says as he opens the front door.

Instead of responding, you plant a kiss on his lips, catching him by surprise. He's quick to wrap his arms around your waist as he reciprocates it. You separate and finally, answer him. "Yup, see you tomorrow." Jamie gives you one last hug and a kiss on the cheek before he leaves your apartment. 

You look around your place for a second, seeing if there's anything you need to fix up before tomorrow. Once you assess that it's as clean as it can be, you go to your room and catch some much-needed sleep.

——

When you hear a knock at your door, you drag yourself out of your bed and to the living room. Before you can even twist the doorknob, you hear a voice on the other side, "You should be awake by now!"

"I am!" you respond, as you open the door. You're greeted by the sight of your older brother Frank, your sister-in-law Denise, and their son Gregory.

"Hello, family," you say drowsily, as the three of them envelope you with a hug. Once they let go, you lead them inside your apartment. "How's your vacation so far?"

"Oh, amazing. I get why you moved to Europe," Denise answers, as she looks around your flat. "They have you set up pretty nice here, huh?" She plops down on your couch and pulls Gregory down next to her.

"Yup," you head to the kitchen to make the three of them some drinks. "So, what do you two plan to do while Gregory comes to work with me?" They had already told you ages ago that Gregory wanted to visit the clubhouse badly, but you knew it was also free babysitting.

"Sightseeing mostly," your brother replies, grabbing his cup of tea from you. When you take a seat next to Denise and your nephew, the former leans into you and whispers, "And get into places where 18 and unders can't." 

You chuckle and she plants a kiss on her son's head. As they enjoy their drinks, the three of you start catching up. You steer clear of any questions about relationships and instead focus on you being a physical therapist for a football team.

"Do their feet smell?" Gregory asks and you nod your head.

"Extremely, so always remember to wash your feet, okay?" You reply and the 8-year-old gives you a thumbs up and drinks his hot chocolate.

The topic then shifts to the upcoming final game between Richmond and West Ham. You managed to get the 3 of them tickets, — thank you, Higgins, — which they said was the perfect way to end their trip.

"I'll get you some shirts today, too. Gregory's gonna help me pick them out, yeah?" You turn to your nephew who is more than excited to do so.

"Nice," your brother reacts. "I'd appreciate an Obisanya one."

"Yup, and I want a Colin Hughes one if they're available. And of course, this one here," Denise pulls Gregory into a hug, "wants the captain's jersey."

"Will do," you make a mental note, before excusing yourself to get ready for work. 

You’re freshening up in your bathroom when you hear your nephew call out to you. "Mom's asking if you have an extra blanket!" 

"Check my room!" You hear him go to the room across and as he passes you again, he shouts a quick 'Thank you!'

Once you’re done getting changed, you head back to the living room. All three of them were ready to head out, so you lock up and hail a taxi to the AFC Richmond clubhouse. On the drive there, the seatbelt was practically the only thing stopping Gregory from bouncing up and down in the car. 

When you get there, you find some members of the team along with the Director of Football Operations standing front and center near the entrance of the building. You thank the driver and grab Gregory by the hand. You say goodbye to his parents, and since they’re so excited to have some alone time, they don't even bother looking up at the scene in front of them.

"What's all this?" You say as you approach the entrance. Gregory, despite his excitement, was now walking more cautiously, lagging behind you. When they hear your voice, the team finally settles down.

"Well, a little birdie told me that you'd be bringing someone special to work today and so we decided to assemble the Richmond Welcome Committee for him." You stare at all of them in disbelief and your smile grows wider. You find Jamie in the group, whose smug expression tells you exactly who it was.

"Hello there, Gregory," Higgins turns to your nephew and sticks his hand out, who is still hiding behind you. You move to the side and crouch down next to him, so he feels more at ease.

"Hi," your nephew finally speaks up and shakes his hand. 

Higgins then bends down to the eye level of your nephew. "Welcome to AFC Richmond! We prepared a little gift for you if that's okay."

Gregory nods his head. Higgins and the rest of the team start doing a drumroll and move out of the way to reveal Isaac, with a personalized jersey. You exhale in disbelief and turn to your nephew. 

"What do you say, Greg?" Said nephew was too awestruck by his favorite player to even move. 

After a few seconds, he finally ran up to Isaac and hugged his favorite player. The team captain was now the one in shock, but slowly reciprocated it. Gregory then lets go and accepts the jersey from him. The rest of the team moves to crowd the boy and start talking with him. Almost immediately, your nephew transforms from his former terrified state to the life of the party.

You moved to the side to give them space and thank Higgins, who just shook his head. "It's no problem," he started. "Henry doesn't come here that often anymore, so it was nice to do this for another kid." You smile, before noticing Jamie going toward you.

"And here's the little birdie now," Higgins jokes before excusing himself. You see the team busy entertaining Gregory, so you take the chance to plant a kiss on Jamie's cheek.

"If only the tabloids knew how sweet the striker of AFC Richmond could be." You whisper afterward.

"I know, I'm a great not-boyfriend." He continues to show his smug smirk and before you can reply, you notice that your nephew is starting to look for you.

You put enough distance between you and Jamie to seem platonic, "Greg?" You catch his attention and see him already wearing his jersey over his shirt.

"Can we go inside now?" He asks and you nod your head.

You turn back to the "welcome committee," and thank them. "This was so great." They wave goodbye to the both of you — with Isaac giving Gregory a high-five — as they head to the field for training.

Once you're alone again, Gregory turns to you. "That was so much fun!" You laugh at the boy's reaction as you settle down in your office.

For about 2 hours, you had to deal with the boy asking you about every detail of the papers in front of you. Vitals, size charts, diagrams, he was curious about all of it. A part of you hoped that he'd want to talk about something, anything else, but you soon regret wishing that.

"Auntie (Y/N), is Jamie Tartt your favorite player?" You try and hide your shock at the question. He's 8 years old and it's probably an innocent question.

"Yes, he is." You answer honestly and turn your chair to the treatment table where Gregory was lying down. "Why do you ask?"

"Well, I saw you talking to him earlier." He observes, sitting up and looking like he's about to launch into a whole monologue. "And I saw a lot of his jerseys in your room too, so I thought you must be a fan. But you work here, so are you guys close?"

Maybe you should have closed the closet door before sending him in there. You try and keep your calm. "Kind of. I mean I'm close to all of the players, in a way."

If Gregory thinks anything is off, he doesn't show it. Instead, he nods his head and goes back to his comic book as you continue to work on some reports for the players.

Once you finish, you bring Gregory to watch the morning training. His parents were going to pick him up during lunch, so you only had to keep up the charade for just a little longer. The team was doing a few drills when you got there and Ted spots the two of you approaching. He immediately runs over and greets, "Is this the little guy? Hi, I'm Ted."

What was it with dads and shaking little kid's hands? Gregory, already getting used to meeting such famous football personnel, took his hand and shook it as firmly as an 8-year-old could. Jamie was too busy with his drills to notice you there and you’ve never been more relieved about that.

After spending the next hour watching the game from the stands, it was time for lunch and you headed to the car park to find Frank and Denise. You smile at them and hand off Gregory who started telling his parents about his brand-new personalized kit.

You feel your phone vibrate and take it out to find a message from Jamie. secret boyfriend bought secret lunch for a secret date in your office ;)

You chuckle at the message and send him a quick reply before hearing Gregory mention your name. "Auntie's friends with all the players, especially Jamie Tartt. He's her favorite and they're close."

Oh, this child is going to ruin you. You try and stop yourself from overreacting, though you instead end up letting out an exaggerated laugh. "Yeah, I mentioned him being my favorite player, but he seemed to forget that I said I'm also close with all the players, not just Jamie."

Frank seemed to buy it, but you can tell that Denise was starting to pick up on things. She could always tell when you were lying, even before you left for London. After you had broken up with Matt, it took one call before she realized what happened. So it was only a matter of time till she figured it out, but you had hoped you could delay it till after their trip. You wave to the three of them as their taxi left the car park.

You headed back to your office to find Jamie already devouring his pasta. "Hey, I thought this was supposed to be a date?" His head snaps towards you with noodles still hanging out of his mouth.

"I didn't know how long you'd take and I need my carbs." You roll your eyes as you go to the seat across from him. Jamie puts his plate down and brings out yours.

The two of you start talking about the upcoming game this Sunday, to which you bring up your usual 'night before' ritual.

"I thought your family was gonna stay at your flat that night?" Jamie asks, but you just shrug.

"I'll find a way to escape. No way you're going to the garden without me. I'm your good luck charm, Mr. Tartt." You lean towards the football player and playfully narrow your eyes at him. He breaks into a smile and takes your hand into his.

"Yeah, you are." He says softly, and your smile starts to fade. Jamie would never say it out loud, certainly not in the clubhouse where his teammates could hear him, but his nerves always reached an all-time high before a big game. Even after the Man City match and the talk with his mum, you noticed he still felt uneasy in the days leading up to this one.

He was good at hiding it from most people, but over the months, you figured out the small tells that showed he wasn't feeling his best. That's one of the reasons Dr. Sharon suggested he find a safe space, one where he could collect himself before a game, especially like the game on Sunday.

"Hey," You get him to look back at you and squeeze his hand tighter. "You and the whole team are going to dominate. You've already guaranteed a spot in the Champions League, so you’re set for next season. Plus, your beautiful and frankly, awesome girlfriend is gonna be there in the dugout cheering you on."

Jamie pulls you in for a quick kiss as a thank you before you start to fix up the table. He then suggests a rather inappropriate after-lunch activity — "Ay! Call it a motivational activity," — and you have to physically push him out the door for his afternoon practice.

——

It's the night before the match and you were currently arguing with your brother about the sleeping situation.

"Frank, I'll be fine. There's three of you, it's a king-sized bed, and you know I love couches." This time, he gives in. You watch him disappear into your room and after five minutes, you start heading out.

You go down to find a parked car outside, with its owner leaning on the side of it scrolling through his phone. Since you had dinner with family and he got a drink with Roy, the two of you had planned to meet up later than usual.

"Told you I still knew how to sneak out." You say to him, and the moment his eyes land on you, his expression seems to relax. You approach him and ask, "How was hanging out with Roy?"

"Weird, but good," he answered as the two of you got into the car. "Told me he was proud of me."

"That's nice of him. After all those training sessions and him barging on both our doors early morning, you deserve it." You’re reminded of when Roy came to your flat at 4 am after he realized that Jamie wasn't at his own house, which ended with you scolding the coach about it.

You didn't want to make a big deal of it, but you knew how much Jamie appreciated hearing that from someone he looked up to since childhood. Especially with their history back when Jamie first joined the team.

He continued to tell you about what went down, even mentioning how he convinced Roy to go to Keeley that night and finally ask her out again. Though, he admitted he partly did that was so they could finish earlier and he could see you.

You get to the garden and despite visiting it almost every week, you’re still amazed at its beauty. You remember the first time he brought you there before you were even dating. You had been so touched that Jamie was willing to share this place with you that you ended up kissing him right then and there. 

Ever since then, you ended up going with him before games, even if the two of you would just sit there in silence and simply take in the surroundings. That's exactly what was happening tonight, with you and Jamie sitting on a bench and just observing the garden.

After a while, you took the chance to look at Jamie without him noticing. He was always the most calm here and you could tell it from his side profile alone. His jaw was relaxed, his eyes were closed and he was breathing steadily.

You suddenly get the urge to admit something. "I'll tell Frank and Denise tomorrow." Jamie looks at you as you repeat, "I'm telling them about us tomorrow, after the game."

The football player breaks into a smile, and you can't help but mirror it. If the two of them could only get a glimpse of the Jamie you knew, who was thoughtful, enthusiastic, and truly kind-hearted, they wouldn't even care about all the dumb stories of the past. 

After a little while longer, Jamie drives you home and you give him a quick goodbye kiss before heading back to your flat. You try to be as quiet as possible, turning the knob ever so slowly. You soon realized you didn't have to, as you hear someone clear their throat. You open the door to find Denise sitting on the couch in her pajamas and you freeze. "You went out?"

"Yes," you finally managed to croak out, as you closed the door behind you and leaned on it. "Wanted some fresh air."

"Fresh air? From the car I just saw you get out of?" Denise crosses her arms and you accept defeat. You say nothing as your sister-in-law asks, "Who's the guy?"

"Jamie Tartt," you admit, and her eyes almost pop out of her head.

"Oh shit, you are dating him. I really thought Gregory was just exaggerating things." You roll your eyes and join her on the couch.

You quickly plead, "Please don't tell Frank yet. I promise I’ll tell him after the match. You know, just in case he gets an urge to do bodily harm to my boyfriend."

"Come on, you know he wouldn't actually do that." You tilt your head. She adds, "He probably wouldn't. But fine, I'll keep it from him." You sigh in relief until she starts giving you a look. "So, Jamie Tartt, huh?"

You groan. "Oh God, can we not do this right now? What's wrong with him?"

"Nothing! I just didn't think you'd go for a guy like him. You know, more laidback with a slight douchy vibe."

"He is not a douche!" You're quick to defend Jamie, but now Denise narrows her eyes at you. "Not anymore. He was the one who planned that jersey thing for Greg. Would a douche do something like that?"

"Okay, okay, I believe you. He doesn’t seem like the prick from before." Denise holds her hands up in surrender. "But, I only know that because of how you're acting now." She nudges you on the shoulder and you tilt your head. 

"Look, you just seem happier, lighter. Much better than when you were with Matt. I was never going to admit it, but you should’ve ended things after college. Nothing was too toxic about your relationship, but you always looked like you were holding something back."

It was true. It took a few months of not being with him anymore to realize just how many red flags he had. Yes, he was smart, polite, and always knew exactly what to say, but he was also the first to criticize you when you didn't live up to his “standard.” You had convinced yourself that he was only trying to make you better, but in reality, he was just an ass. 

Being with Jamie is what convinced you of that. He got you out of your comfort zone to enjoy things, without ever making it feel like he was pressuring you. You did the same for him too, and instead of pushing back like Matt always did, Jamie would actually listen to what you had to say and cared what you thought.

You explain all of that to Denise and at the end of it, you're sure she's starting to see why you fell for Jamie in the first place. "I'm glad you're happy." 

You hug your sister-in-law tightly before you both start getting tired. Everyone had to get up early tomorrow, so it was best to get some rest before then.

You're already lying down and tucked into the couch, but you grab your phone and send a quick message to Jamie.

i hope you're sleeping because this is for when you wake up tomorrow. good luck and i know you'll be the best fucking player on the field!

You hit the send button before returning your phone to the table and drifting off to sleep.

——

You had planned on getting to the clubhouse earlier than usual. You had to prepare for the match and your family didn’t want to push through a bunch of people to get to their seats. 

But even then, there was already a crowd around the building. Maybe it was because this was your first time working here with the team making it to the finals, but you've never seen that many AFC Richmond fans present.

You had separated from the three of them once they got their tickets and insisted they could find their seats on their own. Because of all the chaos of getting ready and setting up with the whole crowd, you hadn't gotten a chance to check if Jamie had replied or even look for him.

It was only when Will showed up at the dugout saying that Jamie was looking for you did you see him for the first time today.

"I've been waiting for my good luck kiss," is how he greets you and you can only laugh as you embrace him. He met you outside of the locker room, so you avoided all the whistles and 'oohs' from his teammates. 

You give him a quick kiss before telling him about last night. You could see his relief when he realized that your sister-in-law did approve of him, which you almost felt guilty about. 

Jamie Tartt, world-renowned football player, was nervous about what a relative of yours thought about him. 

"I'll tell Frank later. And, if you guys win the game, maybe he won't come after you and injure your other ankle." You remind him and he chuckles, but your straight face is enough for him to take it seriously.

"Shit. I guess we do have to win." 

After hearing Ted asking everyone to huddle up, you separate from Jamie and the two of you join the crowd inside the locker room. You with the rest of the physical therapists and Jamie with the players.

You had to admit, you were a bit nervous for the game. You knew the team was doing great, but after their crying session right before the match, you were worried they'd be too teary-eyed to make it through. And in the first half, you were right to be. Despite their efforts, West Ham was ahead much to every Richmond supporter’s dismay. 

But after whatever happened in the locker room, they seemed to be picking it up. After those 3 misses, you and the rest of the people in the dugout were ecstatic when Jamie finally scored. 

But then it led to a whole different issue. Now, West Ham was focused on marking Jamie. From both a personal and professional standpoint, you were worried. Jamie's ankle could still easily be injured after what happened at Man City and Richmond would lose what was called "their central cog." 

You were grasping your medical bag as the game continued, ready at any moment to rush over there. You flinched when Jamie fell to the ground, but when the referee called for a penalty, you knew this was one of his tricks and you sighed in relief. 

He looks at you with one of his signature smirks as he's pulled up by Sam. You playfully shake your head and roll your eyes, as the teams get ready for the kick.

And thank God Isaac was able to get it in the net. Well, through it? You could feel Gregory's excitement over it, even if you weren't sure where they were in the crowd.

After eavesdropping on Rupert Mannion ordering his manager to "take out" Jamie, you felt a lump forming in your throat. But at least George still had some integrity, even if you ended up seeing his balls after he gets pushed. As Rupert got heckled off the pitch, Jamie catches your eyes.

He notices your worried expression and gives you a reassuring look. It was his way of saying "Don't worry, you think they can take me out?" You not as the players head back onto the field.

Even then, the players were completely boxing Jamie in, but you watched as Ted signaled a strategy for the free kick which they seem to understand quickly. Jamie's trying everything to get Bumbercatch's attention, but the moment he sends it Sam's way, you know exactly what's going on.

"Go, go, go," You whisper, on the edge of your seat. You're squeezing Will's arm a little too tight, but even he is too immersed in the game to care.

Sam gets the ball in and the whole stadium erupts in cheers. You wait, but when the final whistle was blown, you and Will start celebrating too. The whole team starts running onto the pitch and at that point, you weren't thinking. 

The moment your eyes landed on Jamie, you were running across the pitch towards him. He catches you in his arms and pulls you into a kiss. You deepen it as if you weren't surrounded by thousands of people right then and there.

You break apart for a split second to say, "You guys absolutely smashed it. I knew you would win." 

He pulls you back for another kiss, before smiling against your lips. "You aren't worried about your brother seeing us?"

The thought hadn't occurred to you at that moment, but you try and find them in the crowd, still not removing yourself from Jamie's grasp. With all the chaos, you give up and just shrug it off, turning back to the football player. 

"I don't really care anymore." You admit as you laugh.

Jamie pulls you into a hug and spins you around in the air. You laugh and hold onto him tightly. When he puts you down, you find your family coming toward the two of you. Frank is the only one who seemed shocked by this whole ordeal, with Denise simply smirking and Gregory being distracted by all the people celebrating on the field.

"Right, hi Frank," you start and you slide your hand down from his arm to intertwine it with Jamie's hand to steady yourself. "Did I forget to tell you I have a boyfriend now?"

"Yeah, I don't think it's come up, no," He replies.

Jamie takes a step forward and stretches his other arm for a handshake. "Hello, it's nice to meet you. I'm Jamie—"

"Jamie Tartt, yes." Your brother firmly grasps his hand. "I know who you are." Jamie's legs buckle slightly at Frank's strength, but Denise puts a warning hand on her husband's shoulder.

"Not too hard, honey." which prompts Frank to finally let go of Jamie.

It's a few minutes of silence, — well, as quiet as a celebrating football stadium could be — before you finally try and escape the situation. "Maybe we should let Jamie celebrate with his team!"

"Yes, of course! Congratulations, Jamie! You guys did amazing." Denise says, causing Jamie to flash a genuine smile.

"Yes, you and your team did great," Frank adds on, notably less enthusiastic. "Especially with that last shot from Obisanya." Of course, he had to add his favorite player to this.

You try and pull Jamie away to bring him to his celebrating team, but your brother pulls him into a hug, forcing you to let go of Jamie's hand. You watch Frank whisper something in his ear, before letting go. He then says out loud, "Congratulations on making the Champions League. Can't wait to see you guys play next season."

All Jamie can do is nod in gratitude, as he seems to still be processing what happened before that. You decide to thank him on your boyfriend's behalf.

"See you guys later!" You say to your family as you bring Jamie away from them, his expression slightly worrying you. Once you put a safe amount of distance between them, you whisper, "What did he say?"

"Nothing," Jamie pursed his lips. "Just that he'd make my life a living hell and find a way to ruin my career if I broke your heart." He laughs it off, but you can hear a slight shakiness in his voice.

"Alright then," you interlock your arms with Jamie's, but neither confirm nor deny the truth in his statement.

"That was a joke, right?" Jamie tries to ask but you just shrug. His face almost turns white, but you laugh and instead, he playfully narrows his eyes at you. "That's not funny."

"Well, I’m pretty sure you aren't going to break my heart, so you'll never have to find out. You plant a kiss on his cheek and remove yourself from him. “Now go, celebrate your win!" 

You push him to the rest of his teammates, who are in the middle of celebrating, but he's quick to grab your arm and pull you close. "I know how I want to celebrate this win." He moves in for yet another kiss.

You briefly wonder if this is being televised and if it might be how all your friends and family back home find out, but you'd deal with that later. Right now, it's just you and Jamie. 

And you've always wanted that celebratory field kiss.

[calzone-d]

Masterlist

Hi, I’m cal, and this is my masterlist! I write for Ted Lasso/Jason Sudeikis. My inbox is always open for requests or just to talk! I’ll write one-shots, blurbs, headcanons, or we can just bounce concepts off each other! I’d like to note that I am towards the end of nursing school, so I may not get to any asks immediately!

*Some thoughts/concepts/blurbs may not be linked here, but can be found by searching “ted lasso thoughts”, or “my writing.”

*Other tags I use: dad!ted, dad!jason, mom!reader, sub!ted, jason sudeikis rpf

*This blog contains NSFW content, 18+ only! I’m not responsible for the content you consume.

*I do not write OC’s, all of my fics are x reader

-Ted Lasso x Fem!Reader———————

One Shots

Movie Night (smut)

After celebrating Richmond’s latest win, Ted invites you back to his hotel room for a movie night. You don’t watch much of the movie.

Like Father, Like Son (fluff)

You wake up in the middle of the night to Ted and Henry being sick.

Couch Kisses (smut)

An imagine inspired by my post about kissing Ted’s bulge over his khakis.

Something New (smut)

You and Ted finally drabble into the dom/sub dynamic. (sub!ted, softdom!reader)

Reconnected (fluff)

After Ted and your daughter recover from being sick, they’re both ecstatic to see you again.

Nightmares (angst/fluff)

When Ted has a nightmare, feeling your baby kick calms him down.

Helping Hands (comfort/fluff)

You come home from a long day to dinner and a clean house, courtesy of Ted and Henry.

Accidents Happen (comfort/fluff)

Henry is still learning how to hold his new baby sister.

Close Call (angst/comfort)

Ted gets a call no one could’ve prepared him for while at work

Unplanned Sleepovers (angst/comfort/fluff)

Henry finds you crying and insists on spending the night with you, while also finding a new nickname for you. Ted comes home and joins the action.

Only You (smut)

You and Ted have a moment alone in a closet at Roy and Keeley’s wedding.

Always There (comfort/fluff/smut)

You have a heart to heart with Henry before comforting ted in a way that only you can.

Sunscreen (fluff)

You spend a little time flirting with Ted during a team beach day.

Growing (fluff)

A glimpse into a domestic morning with Ted, before a serious conversation ensues.

Headcanons/Drabbles

showering with ted

random HC about Ted taking care of you while you’re drunk, plus non-alcohol related domestic dad!Ted

Ted + your baby bump HC’s

Ted + books/reading HC’s

power outage with Ted & Henry

waking up next to Ted

Ted + your newborn baby girl HC’s

Ted comforting you when you’re hurt, sick, and sad.

giving Ted a blowjob

reader is worried Ted misses his old family, and he reassures her he doesn’t

Ted and reader on a break HCs

Ted and reader doing yoga HCs

being a couch potato with Ted HCs

giving ted a blowjob to help him relax HCs

reader snaps at Ted after a bad day

cockwarming with ted

Ted + reader w/ a stomachache HCs

reader sitting in Ted’s lap while he fingers her

ted & panty sniffing x reader

Multi-part Fics

Mild Misunderstandings (angst/fluff)

A stressful week begins to take its toll on you and Ted.

part one

part two

Lover’s Exploration (smut)

Ted takes interest in a previous sexual encounter you bring up, and wants to try it.

part one

part two (coming soon!!)

Prompt List Works

I don’t know how much longer I could’ve taken this..

-Jason Sudeikis x Fem!Reader——————-

One Shots

Taking Care (smut)

After a long two weeks of quickies, you and Jason find time to play with a new buttplug you ordered.

Riding Dirty (smut)

You ride Jason for the first time.

Quality Time (fluff)

When Jason gets injured, you spend some quality time with the kids.

Headcanons/Drabbles

jason eating reader out HCs

jason + praise kink + riding (nsfw)

Prompt List Works

wait, don’t go.. please..

breaking down mid-hug because they just needed it so much

-Kinktober 2023------

Mirror Sex (Jason Sudeikis x Fem!Reader)

Phone Sex (Ted Lasso x Fem!Reader)

Breeding Kink (Jason Sudeikis x Fem!Reader)

Overstimulation (Jason Sudeikis x Fem!Reader)

Pregnancy Kink (Ted Lasso x Fem!Reader)

Gentle Femdom (Ted Lasso x Fem!Reader)

Bondage/Edging/Toys Night (Jason Sudeikis x Fem!Reader)

Surprise kink!!! (Ted Lasso x Fem!Reader)

[scribbleseas]

in love & in war, drabble 2: the one where you meet him

Description: Join Ciel, the Earl of Phantomhive, as he embarks on one of the most difficult challenges of his professional life: getting you to fall in love with him in order to become the next chairman of TransAtlantica— your father’s vast shipping empire.

Warnings: None, save for some explicit sexual content down the line! This is just a lighthearded series for fun! Think Bridgerton :)

Author’s Note: I’m sorry for the wait! I dropped this series premiere and academia decided to just become torture from then until basically now! But now I’m a bit more free to get some writing, and hopefully I can get my content consistent again! I’ve missed you all so much. I hope you guys like this drabble! I wrote it in one sitting so I will probably make some edits/additions down the line, you know how it is lol.

Also, if you would like to be put on a taglist for my fics, please comment and I will tag you for each update! Or if you only want to follow specific fics, you can let me know in your comment and I will make individual taglists for each fic :).

Happy Reading,

Dan <3

⇐ PREVIOUS DRABBLE | NEXT DRABBLE ⇒

Y/N Y/L/N

“You filled my entire dance card?” you lamented, feeling your resolve crumble as you scanned over the small piece of cardstock paper’s lineup of 20 names, each aligned with a planned piece from the ensemble: Lord Alexis Cuthbert, Mr. Nigel Crawford, The Honorable Geoffrey Wilson… The list included a plethora of noble lords and heirs to either significant corporations or well-respected aristocratic bloodlines.

“That is in accordance with the terms of the deal, yes,” your mother insisted, simpering at you while Daphne hooked long diamond teardrops in your ears, set in gold to match the thick necklace resting on your chest. “There were many house calls made about this specific inquiry, and they were all qualified young men.” By the tone of her voice, you could tell she felt she was doing you a favor.

But truly, meeting a man during a dance was excruciating. There was no respectable escape if the conversation was painfully dry or offensive. All you could do was pray for the ending measure of the music and make a swift exit.

You sighed, turning your attention back to the list: Mr. Jack Morrison, Lord Clarence Abery, The Honorable George Ackland…

“I understand. Thank you,” you surrendered, knowing fully well that there was no changing this list without disrespecting those on it already. You were fortunate that your parents were giving you the freedom to choose your suitor in the first place. Most of your peers had been betrothed since their birth, promised to a relative or a family friend as one half of a smart match.

Mr. Neil Gayton, Lord George Cuross…

You were the Earl of Richmond and founder of TransAtlantica’s only child. That was two inheritances—even if you couldn’t assume all control. Your positions should have locked you into a smart match from the start, but your parents decided to give you a chance at a love match, too. A chance at finding real love just as they did: through a cultivated list of requirements.

As painful and awkward the prospect was, it certainly wasn’t the worst outcome for a woman in your position.

“Lord Ciel Phantomhive?” your eye caught his name before you could properly descend through the list because you couldn’t believe it was there of all places. You knew the Lord Phantomhive to be incredibly private, skipping most if not all social gatherings and public appearances. The public rumored that he guarded his appearance closely because he was one of Her Majesty’s advisors and private investigators. You were most accustomed to seeing his name in stately cursive at the bottom of correspondences with your father and his associates.

“His butler called on his behalf the other day,” Daphne answered for your mother, smiling apologetically for interjecting. “He said he will be attending the charity ball tonight and wishes to meet you.”

“He is more than qualified and interested,” your mother said, “your father has always liked him.”

“Father likes his business strategy, no one knows him,” you answered, letting the dance card fall from your wrist limply. There was no merit in analyzing the names on it— you knew there was no escaping the evening.

Your mother rolled her eyes, unwilling to engage with your technicalities. “Come now. Our guests are trickling in. We should greet them with your father,” she offered her arm to you. You accepted, allowing her to guide you out of the suite with Daphne in tow. Whenever TransAtlantica co-hosted events at the Langham Hotel, your family rented the penthouse to finish preparations without having to make a commute from the estate.

. . .

CIEL PHANTOMHIVE

Acquiring TransAtlantica is not an option; it is an inevitability. Acquiring TransAtlantica is not an option; it is an inevitability, Ciel Phantomhive reminded himself with every step closer to The Langham Hotel’s grand ballroom, trudging through formalities and tepid greetings in the populated hall leading to it. It was the phrase he used to justify all of this unyielding frustration at each step: listening to Sebastian as he attempted to break down the confounding science of charming a young woman into comprehensible steps, and now, burdening his already-fraught calendar with unnecessary social appearances just to put himself in Lady Y/n’s path.

Unnecessary social appearances such as The British National Society for Aid and to the Sick and Wounded in War’s annual ball in partnership with TransAtlantica—one of many charitable foundations that the shipping company partnered with. TransAtlantica covered the costs of a lavish evening and invited their extensive networks of business moguls and the aristocracy to partake in raffles throughout the formal night. All proceeds went to the medical organization, and all publicity went to the company.

Until this year, Ciel was content with having Sebastian send his regrets to TransAtlantica alongside a hefty donation to maintain goodwill. But now, maintaining goodwill with this corporation and the family behind it would no longer suffice. He needed to make a personal appearance both at the ball and in the middle of Lady Y/n’s dance card. After Y/n cooly rebuffed him after moments of light teasing Sebastian made the appropriate arrangements with one of the maids to put Ciel.

While Ciel was well aware of the stubborn reputation proceeding her, few dared take such a tone with him. And for so little. Defensive, she was! Was it such a crime to be transparent about how it was careless to step onto a street without looking both ways? If Ciel hadn’t saved her at the perfect moment— even if Sebastian orchestrated the timing — she would have been hit!

“Find Lady Y/n when it comes time for your waltz,” Sebastian reminded Ciel as they entered the ballroom, “you are only on her dance card for a single number. The point is that you make a better impression this time.” The bloody butler prodded at Ciel’s lack of romantic finesse— a talent that a sleazy demon might have in surplus. Apparently, approaching her first and taking the time to see himself onto her dance card would prove Ciel’s interest in her.

“And of course, you must remember your apology, sir,” Sebastian’s words were coated in honey, the most obvious tell of his amusement. The prospect of his master having to express his regrets. “You bruised her pride,” he explained.

In response, Ciel sent him a fleeting gaze, heavy with irritation. Exhaustion after hours of coaching and correcting, endless explanations as to why Sebastian insisted that Y/n could never connect with him properly if he failed to acknowledge her grievances.

“I will,” he answered simply, clenching his jaw at the thought of verbalizing anything along the lines of ‘I apologize.’ He never had to apologize for his actions—not ones that were truly malevolent, and certainly not ones that were decently-natured. Although it seemed the exception was for the daughters of incredibly prominent figures whom he needed to charm. So much so that Sebastian had Ciel practice the series of words in front of a mirror.

Acquiring TransAtlantica is not an option; it is an inevitability.

The phrase had Ciel’s shoulders relaxing into proper posture, his tense jaw relaxing with reluctance. He took a gradual inhale in, scanning the room for Lady Y/n. He found her in moments, catching her pale green gown and its gold accents shining in the warm chandelier light. She was engaged in a jubilant exchange with the wife of Selwyn Westley, the owner of a prominent watch company.

“Very good, my Lord,” Sebastian chirped, merely watching Ciel build his resolve. He’d seen the Earl tackle a number of more threatening offenses: vengeful angels, homicidal circus clowns, and corrupt monopolists with less agonizing. “There is absolutely no time to waste,” he added in reference to the rest of TransAtlantica’s suitors (they were longshot candidates, at best) as they readied themselves among their own servants. Several men’s eyes lingered on the small dance card that hung from Lady Y/n’s wrist, looking to secure a spot in the moments before the first dance started.

It was that particular thought that had the corner of Ciel’s mouth twisting upwards, satisfied. Courtship could never be left to chance. It was a strategy— a war. How could they hope to defeat him when they couldn’t even manage to get themselves in front of her?

. . .

Y/N Y/L/N

“And that’s when I told him: I think I left them in the carriage!” Inara Johnson laughed riotously, briefly touching your arm as you laughed, mirroring the young woman’s impish grin. She had been recounting a sordid story about her courtship with her husband since it seemed your mother was quite liberal in spreading the word about your season beginning. Even still, Mrs. Johnson was quite a breath of fresh air after you suffered nine suitors trying too hard to impress you.

“I can’t imagine what you could have done without a spare change of clothing!” You managed through laughs, ignoring the pinch in your cheeks after hours of simpering and entertainment. You were only about halfway through the merriment, the orchestra completing a lively movement to start transitioning to the first waltz of the evening.

You only had a few moments to find your next suitor: Lord Ciel Phantomhive.

“I should find my husband for this waltz! I certainly hope you find yours quite soon, my Lady, I’ll be looking forward to your wedding,” she chuckled, parting with you after a playful wink.

“Enjoy the night,” you nodded, unsure of how to start your search for a faceless man as Mrs. Johnson found Mr. Johnson in seconds. He’d only been paces away, engaged with your parents about something you couldn’t quite pick up.

You took another look at your card to ensure that Ciel Phantomhive was indeed your next dance partner, but just as your gaze caught his name again, the man who pulled you from the carriage approached you. The very one that you were content with never laying eyes on again.

“Lady Y/n, just the perfect timing. Were you looking to join this waltz now?” He dared to ask, his sapphire eye just as breathtaking as it had been, his lips turning in the same mildly amused manner. Trying to appear aloof. “Or were you uninterested in sharing your time with the likes of mediocre destitution such as myself?” he asked, repeating the words you threw at him.

Was he trying to get a rise out of you?

You felt your face warm from his attempts as you fashioned your falling expression into a sparking grin. The future-Countess-of-Richmond-grin that you relied on so much. There was no losing your temper in this environment without mortifying your family name.

“Unfortunately, my dance card is full,” you answered with false kindness, feeling the young man see straight through your pleasant deception. That was one of the only lines a young noblewoman had to tell a man to leave her to her lonesome; it was well-known by all of polite society. “Perhaps another time. Though I really do need to find my next—” you started, starting to take a step to walk around him, but he side-stepped in your path.

“—After I saved your life last week, I thought you might find time for a dance,” he interjected, causing the remnants of your Countess smile to falter. “That’s why I had my butler secure this waltz with you.”

Your blood ran cold, your smile finally melting off your face. He couldn’t be…could he? It would only make sense, you supposed. A person astute enough to even impress your father.

“I was scheduled with the Earl of Phantomhive,” you forced yourself to answer placidly. You readjusted your expression, unwilling to give the man the satisfaction of visibly surprising you.

“Then you found me already,” Lord Phantomhive replied, all too satisfied. You didn’t even find him! He found you!

You failed to conceal your thoughts, judging by the condescending mirth in his grin. “Shall we?”

. . .

CIEL PHANTOMHIVE

“I— yes, I suppose we shall,” Lady Y/n cleared her throat, despite herself. She laced her arm with Ciel’s as he guided her to the center of the ballroom, more than certain that they were attracting attention, even if most people couldn’t connect his appearance to his name. The very reputation that filled a room enough to substitute his physical presence, most of the time.

Technically, he didn’t have to bow to Y/n because he outranked her, but as Sebastian insinuated, apparently Ciel needed to nurse her shallow pride.

Acquiring TransAtlantica is not an option; it is an inevitability.

Taking Y/n’s hand, Ciel led her into the first steps of the waltz. She seemed more interested in studying him than starting a conversation, mechanically following the dance while her mind was elsewhere. He allowed her to dissect the performance he put on for her for a few long moments before speaking.

“I wanted to take this opportunity to extend my sincerest apologies to you, Lady Y/l/n,” Ciel said, visualizing the script that he and Sebastian formulated. He had to make the words seem genuine as if he’d given them enough thought to be considerate, but not so much that he was reciting them. He guided Y/n through a turn, feeling her back tense under his hand.

“I should have helped you find the man who took your things rather than demean you with quips that failed to land,” Ciel continued, taking her continued silence as a bid to continue. His skin crawled at his words, betrayal bristling down his spine. He didn’t apologize. It was fundamentally wrong. And yet, for TransAtlantica, he would. Perhaps this company was the Earl of Phantomhive’s only real love match. “I know I seem far from deserving, but I do hope for your forgiveness. If you give me the opportunity, I hope to show you that I can be,” he continued, fashioning a similar helpless frown that Sebastian used to appeal to frustrated women.

Y/n’s face was unchanged, the same politely engaged expression with clear notes of frustration layered beneath. Of course, it wouldn’t be that easy—she was a petulant heiress unused to not having her way with people. She hummed, tilting her head as she took another moment to dissect his expression. The movement caused her long earrings to sway, drawing Ciel’s attention to the length of her neck and the complicated waves she had her hair styled in.

“You should have helped me,” Y/n agreed gruffly. “A proper gentleman would have, after all,” she mused.

Was the apology not gentlemanly enough? Ciel felt it exceeded expectations.

“I would…treasure the chance to prove myself to be a gentleman, then.” He answered, using part of a line Sebastian fed him. The demon did not have any foresight into the future, but after investigating Y/n with the intensity he would look into a criminal with, he had decent intuition regarding how these planned interactions would unfold. Sebastian accurately assumed she wouldn’t accept that apology.

“The chance to prove yourself?” Y/n repeated, her interest piqued at the proposition. Finally—a new emotion on her face besides detached politeness. “That sounds like quite the endeavor, my Lord.”

“It may very well be, should you let me accompany you on a promenade next week,” Ciel answered, watching her face redden. “If you might overlook my…” his mouth was drier than cotton, “deficiencies.”

He nearly choked on the word. Bloody Hell.

“Perhaps I might find time,” Lady Y/n answered, and Ciel’s heart soared for all the right reasons. He had a chance at the corporation, after all. It seemed acting was just as suspiciously close to lying as Sebastian had insisted.

Acquiring TransAtlantica is not an option; it is an inevitability.

. . .

[its-time-to-write]

please don’t be - ch. 4

table of contents go your way

“It’s the south of France,” Jamie says. “The fuck am I supposed to do there?”

“Brooks is throwing a wicked party,” Colin says. “Michael’s been begging me to go, so we’re going.”

“You have to go, lad,” Jack adds. “Maybe then you’ll stop being a broody prick.”

Jamie doesn’t know what to say. It’s off season, Colin’s in Manchester, and somehow he and Jack have taken it upon themselves to ruin Jamie’s self-loathing.

Because he loathes himself right now.

Yeah, football’s great as-fucking-ever, but fucking off season is making it shit in his head.

He hadn’t expected to feel anything, not when he’s usually so empty in his mind.

But you… you were a giver. And it was a problem because Jamie, always so love-starved, took everything you had. At some point something changed though, because he felt guilty always fucking taking and never giving.

He couldn’t stand the way you looked at him, as though he hung the moon, and it felt like a deception even though you knew it was temporary.

That’s what he hated the most, the fact that you always, always knew, and you still stayed.

It’s a problem. It’s summer, and he’s on his way to the south of France.

—

Jamie is losing his mind. Is this how you felt that one afternoon? He wishes he would have been kinder. He can’t really smile, he misses Richmond and he misses Roy (the prick) and Keeley (what an angel). He misses you most of all, but he won’t insult you by trying to get you back.

He keeps seeing your face everywhere he goes, but it’s impossible because you’re somewhere in London.

It’s far too quiet inside his own body, and he misses the buzz that came with being near you. The world turned electric when you entered a room.

The silence echoes louder as the night progresses. 

Jamie steps outside for air and sees Jude snogging someone under a tree. He shakes his head with a chuckle as they break apart.

There’s a crackle, one only he can feel, and the world goes red.

Jamie ducks behind a pillar as Jude passes him, presumably to grab something from inside and before Jamie can think of what to do, he’s watching you press your palms over your eyes.

“I promise this is the only time I’ll ever ask you for something,” you tell him, head in your hands.

Jamie can barely speak. He’s grinning like an idiot, completely enamored with the way you can’t bear to burden him. 

You’re not a burden, and he can’t say the exact words but he’ll try to show you.

“You think too much,” he says.

“I know,” you groan. “I just know this is not at all what we talked about.”

“I think it’s sweet.”

Your head shoots up. “Sweet? That’s what you’re going with? This is awful. I’m only asking because I have to. I promise, I wouldn’t if I didn’t.”

Jamie’s still grinning as he says, “I’ll be there. I’m great with nieces, just ask Roy. Bring her a birthday present and everything.”

“You sure?” you ask hesitantly. “My whole family will be there.”

Jamie shrugs. “Not a problem, love.”

He would have promised you the whole world just to see your eyes light up like they did then. Would have given up his god-given footy talent just to feel your arms around him like they were in that moment.

So Bellingham’s inside and you’re alone, so in a haze of poorly-exchanged pleasantries, Jamie says, “I fucking love you, and I’m fucking stupid for leaving.”

Once again, he watches your face shutter through a million expressions at once as you carefully consider and catalogue his words.

Instead of your face lighting up like he hoped it would, it shatters. Just for a moment, but it breaks into a thousand pieces.

In between one moment and the next, he sees you pull yourself together.

It’s fast, too fast for it to be real, but he’s not going to say anything about it as long as you’re his again, you have to be his again. 

There’s no other way this can go.

table of contents

[missezramay]

ted lasso, post-finale thoughts.

I went into the finale thinking yeah, if the writing serves, I can accept any outcome even if it's not exactly what I want. Instead, I was hit with a plethora of mixed emotions I didn't expect to have. Confusion, anger, hurt, annoyance, small bursts of joy in between, and just deep sadness. Almost 20 hours later and I'm still incredibly dissatisfied and processing. For the most part, finales should provide a feeling of celebration and relief. I... don't feel any of that.

I'm just really trying to pinpoint why I'm so sad.

Of course everything inevitably has to come to an end. Of course Ted was always going to reunite with his kid. Of course it's not about winning or losing. Of course Tedbecca can remain platonic if that was always the plan. Of course that's the way life goes, but...

For a show (and this season particularly) that constantly encouraged us to 'believe' and 'hope' in the idea that 'everything will work out', all those 75 minutes did was take me on an unsettling, emotional journey for no concrete reason other than to mess with the audience (the opening scene was just adding salt in the Tedbecca wound I've had since S2). Because everything in a macro sense, "worked out". But the WAY it "worked out" does not sit well with me?? And it's supposed to? For a lot of people (on Reddit/Facebook, lol), it was enough?? Richmond not technically winning and Ted leaving like that without so much as a tear? What am I missing??

When I tell you I'm trying to embrace the good parts, I'm really trying. Yes to KBPR & the women's team, Yes to Colin kissing his fella, Yes to Rebecca & Mae & the guys owning the club, Yes to Roy becoming Manager.

So... why am I still so upset? Hmm, let's see.

The boys' musical number? The cutest. Ted didn't think so.

Nate's apology? Heartbreaking. Ted didn't bat an eyelash.

Rebecca begging twice for Ted to stay? Ted, absolute silence.

Beard staying/getting married in London to his toxic gf? Comic relief, haha, fine. Except Ted wasn't there as Best Man.

Don't even get me started on the huge disservice to the Roy/Keeley/Jamie triangle.

Now listen, I get that he misses Henry & Henry misses his dad. I'm not that cold. A father/son's love is important. It was always the catalyst for this show; for him to work on himself so he can be a better father unlike the one he grew up with. That's fine.

But on this particular week. His last week with his Richmond family. There was NO sense of him being sad to leave them. He can be sad about missing Henry but he can ALSO be sad about leaving. No, he just completely checked out. He let everyone pour out their hearts (Hannah's getting her third Emmy, mark my words) to him, and he just stone-faced the entire time.

THIS DOES NOT MAKE ANY SENSE TO ME.

The argument is that he was internally processing, he was overwhelmed, he was trying to distance himself so it would hurt less. Fair points, okay. But this is a television show, moreover, A FINALE. TV characters, while relatable, are heightened versions of ourselves, there so we can better process our emotions and learn to handle things better in our real lives. Ted deserved MORE dialogue and displaying MORE emotion than whatever this was.

We're never going to see him again. We're over here crying along with Rebecca, Nate & Beard, but he didn't sob once. Even though he spent three years building a family with them. I even thought, hey at least he left his legacy with Trent's book but newsflash, he wanted his name taken off that too! Complete erasure.

I just feel so robbed of better moments. Like there were nice moments here and there. But they could've been BETTER. Honestly, Nate & Rebecca's breakdowns were close to perfection, so much love there. But the lack of dialogue and Ted not reciprocating? Broke ME.

I just cannot. understand. this. choice.

Massive sigh. I'm just truly baffled by the way everything wrapped up and not getting the satisfied feeling that one half of the viewership got. Maybe I'm in the minority, but that means something. It carries weight. Also, for a "three-season arc" that was planned well in advance, why all the rewrites and parallels and fakeouts... it's just cruel. But as the theme says (and maybe this was a warning all along), yeah, I guess this might well be it.

This show has given us so much and the last season flailed for the most part. I don't want to disrespect the show by being negative and cynical (looks like I failed!!) or cast blame on anyone in particular. The cast/crew are amazing people and I'll be grateful for being a part of the journey but I'm just so sad and this feeling sucks and I will never get over it.

Going to miss them. x

[buckychristwrites]

When The Rain Gathers | Chapter Three | j.t.

↳  Pairing: Jamie Tartt x f!reader

↳ Word Count: 4.2k

↳  Summary: Pain hits like a downpour, but when a heartbreak from your past is what greets you at your new job at Nelson Road Stadium, it's more like a catastrophic tsunami.

↳  Warnings: Enemies to lovers, Discussion of parental abuse, fluff and angst.

Series Masterlist | Masterlist | Main Blog

It had been the longest first week of your life.

For the most part, you shadowed Sharon to get a feel for how things were done around Nelson Road Stadium. It was mostly self explanatory, as it was all things you had already done before. There was only one session you had missed with her in the whole week.

Friday evening was more than welcomed when it finally came. You sighed happily when the clock read that it was time to leave. Come Monday morning, you would be released to start seeing the players, and anxious just didn’t seem to describe how you felt. All you wanted to do at this moment was pick up Ivy, go home, order pizza and curl up on the couch. 

A knock at the door pulled you from your daydream.

“Hiya!” Keeley called, her voice bubbly as the door creaked open. You smiled at her, surprised.

“Come in,” You urged, taking a seat once more as she walked over.

“How are things going?” She asked with a genuine look. “Settling in alright?” After a brief moment of mulling her question over, you shrug.

“About as well as to be expected,” You said, surprising yourself with your honesty. She gave you a small, soft smile. 

“Adjusting to a new job can be hard, I know,” She said. “When I had just started my firm, I felt like a fish out of water, you know?” I nod my head understandingly.

“Add in the fact that I haven’t lived in England for over six years,  I’ve never ever lived in London, and I’m navigating this new place with a toddler, and you may as well call me a martian.” Keeley snorted, her head falling onto her shoulder. Her amused look faded into one of empathy. 

“Rebecca and I were wonderin’ if you’d like to join us for dinner at Ola’s tonight. Sam’s restaurant.” 

My eyebrows raise. “Sam has a restaurant?”

She nodded excitedly before explaining, “It has Nigerian food. It’s wonderful. And the whole team will be there!” 

Your smile faltered, and Keely was quick to pick up on it. “Don’t worry! They’re loads of fun, once you get to know them.” 

As if getting to know the team as a whole was the problem, and not the one player you knew the most. 

“I don’t know…” You said, your eyes jumping around the room in an effort to avoid looking at her anymore. “I don’t have a babysitter for Ivy-“

“Bring her!” She exclaimed. “We’d love to meet her!” She gave you another lingering look. “Rebecca and I just want to welcome you to the Richmond family.” 

Your eyes meet hers this time. It was quite clear that Keeley was one of those people that simply does not take no for an answer. But there was no question. The answer had to be no. 

“Maybe next time?” You offer, heartbroken by the way Keeley’s smile faltered. “I just would rather have a babysitter for Ivy.” A long moment passed where Keeley just eyed you, and then she nodded understandingly.

“I’ll hold you to that next time, you better believe.”

You laughed. “Of course.”

When leaving that night, your office locked up tight, you felt incredibly relieved. Every step that you took closer to the parking lot made you more and more excited to get home. The hallways had largely emptied out, but in the distance, you could hear the post-training commotion coming from the changing rooms. Despite your short tenure with the club, you found yourself loving the sound. There was something quite wholesome listening to it. The laughter was always echoing through the hallways, and hitting your heartstrings in all of the right ways. 

As you got closer to the changing room, you found yourself slowing down in an effort to listen. Through the window, you could see that the players were all dressed, and mostly just mucking about.

“Oi, Tartt,” Colin called. “Ain’t your date with Anastasia tonight?”

Though you couldn’t see Jamie, or hear a response from him, the response he got from the team told the story. The chorus of “Oooooooooo”’s followed by praises and laughter bounced off the walls.

Something about it made you feel nauseous.

“What date is this? Three?” Sam asked while throwing his bag over his shoulder. Jamie walked into view. 

“Four, actually,” Jamie corrected with a smug smile.

This only seemed to rile them up more, Isaac appearing to shake Jamie’s shoulders.  

“Have you… you know?” Dani asked.

Jamie pursed his lips. “I don’t kiss and tell, lads.”

“But you have no problem fucking and telling,” Isaac pointed out. Your eyebrows rose to your hairline. A small part of you was surprised by their vulgarity, until you remembered that they didn’t have a reason to censor themselves, especially since they didn’t know you were listening. You pretended that the idea of Jamie sleeping with someone else didn’t make your skin crawl. 

“Wait, wait, Jamie…” Sam asked, waving his hands out in front of him. “Does this mean you have not slept with her?” Jamie’s cheeks turned a deep shade of red. A tell that he was embarrassed. When he didn’t say anything, his teammates began to round on him.

“Tartt! You fuckin’ gentleman!”

“Lasso has gotten to him, lads. He made him a carin’ guy!”

“He’s gotta properly fluff a girl up now before his willy stands up.”

“Does this mean you love her and want to cherish her, Jamie Tartt?”

“Boys, boys,” Jamie said, lowering his hands to the floor slowly. “When there is somethin’ to tell…I’ll tell it.” 

You decided you’d heard enough, pulling your phone from your pocket as you began to walk down the hall once more. Your fingers were moving without the explicit permission of your brain, as if you were on autopilot. The next thing you knew, you were bringing the speaker to your ear. It’s unclear what part of the conversation made you change your mind, but one thing was obvious: You no longer wished to spend the night alone at home. 

“Hello?” The bubbly voice answered.

“Hey,” You said, your tone nervous. “I’ve given it some thought and… is that invitation for dinner still open?”

Jamie stared at your receding back, your words stirring something in his chest. Dinner? You mean…a date? So soon after you’ve moved home? 

He shook his head. It didn’t concern him anymore. You were just another girl in his life now. What you did was of no concern to him.

Except it was a concern to him. He just couldn’t help it. Even after three years apart, he still felt so drawn to you, like you're the North and he’s a compass that can do nothing else but point to you. As unfair as it was, as much as you wanted him to fuck off and leave you alone, he couldn’t help it. The thoughts of you crept in when he least expected it. He wondered what your house looked like, and what you did in your free time now that you lived alone, and where you did your grocery shopping, and if you had found a new favourite takeout place. But most of all, he wondered if there was any part of you that would ever consider, even in the least bit, forgiving him. 

By the time he began to walk again, you had already disappeared out the door and into the car park. He was still staring down the hall when he came out of his thoughts. The boys came up from behind to follow you out, and Jamie plastered on the best smile he could muster as he did the same. He had a date, after all. What was there to be upset about?

The drive home seemed to go by quicker than normal due to Jamie’s preoccupied thoughts. Who was the dinner with? 

He fumbled with his keys while attempting to unlock his door. Was it with someone he knew?

Dropping his bag next to the front door, he made his way upstairs for a quick shave and to change. After all, he showered back at the stadium. Worse, was the dinner with one of his teammates?

The phone chimed, bringing him back to reality. Anastasia’s name crossed over his lock screen. Normally, this would bring him a shock of excitement. But now, at this moment, he felt nothing as he picked up his phone.

R u picking me up? x

Didn’t he already tell her that he would? He typed back a simple Yeah before turning back to his closet to dig out some shoes. When his phone chimed again, he huffed. Why am I getting so annoyed? He found himself asking. 

U better behave urself James Tartt! x

Real annoyance filled his chest. He couldn’t count how many times he told her not to call him by his full name. 

“I only ever behave myself,” He grumbled, dropping his phone back on the bed without responding.

“Alright, love, you ready to behave yourself at the restaurant?” 

“Yes!” Ivy shouted, jumping up and down. She was wearing the purple dress she had picked out, a white bow in her hair. You laughed before peaking back in the mirror and straightening out the dress that she had picked out for you. The smile faltered only slightly. Was this too much? It wasn’t formal, it felt more… clubby to you. But you knew how angry the tiny fashion critic would be if you tried to change. 

“Let’s go, Mummy!” Ivy shouted, tugging at the hem. 

“Alright, alright,” You sighed, shaking your head as you whipped her into the air before bringing her to your hip. A quick Google search had told you that the restaurant was just around the corner from you, and you were thankful to not need the pram. “Do you wanna walk or be carried?”

“Walk, please!” She shouted happily, bouncing up and down.

“Alright, but you better keep hold on Mummy’s hand or a car’ll turn you into an Ivy pancake.”

The surprise on her face made it impossible not to laugh. 

“NO pancake, Mummy!”

“The tiniest Ivy pancake!” You continued to tease as you slipped your shoes on. The toddler shrieked in dismay, still smiling and giggling at you. As you reached for the door, your other hand extended out for her. She didn’t hesitate before running up and smacking her tiny palm into yours. 

The cool evening air felt perfect when you stepped outside. Ivy proudly walked beside you, feeling like one of the grown ups. 

“Are you ready to meet the people Mummy works with?” You asked as the two of you stop at a crosswalk. 

“Yes!” A beat passed. “And eat!”

“Oh yes,” You agreed, nodding. “That’s more important, isn’t it?”

The light changed to Walk, and the two of you made your way across. The fact that Ivy wasn’t trying to run away from you made you feel a little easier about the evening ahead. Already, you could see the restaurant slowly coming into view. 

The anxiety filled your tummy, but the squeeze of your fingers from the toddler at your side made you feel slightly better. At least someone there was unconditionally on your side. 

The door opened and released an array of sounds, filling the quiet from the outside. The dining room was filled with footballers, who were laughing loudly as multiple conversations happened at once. In the middle of the room, the tables were all pushed together, the table set like a family style dinner. You looked down uneasily at Ivy, who only looked excited despite the amount of people around. At first, as you crossed the threshold into the restaurant, your arrival seemed to go unnoticed. But then, a flash of blonde bounded through the room. She shouted your name before throwing her arms around you. Just by her behaviour, it was clear she was already a few drinks deep.

Keeley kneeled down to the toddler’s level, who was suddenly holding onto your legs. “And this must be Miss Ivy?” She smiled warmly, her voice gentle. “I’m Keeley. It’s nice to meet you.” Ivy stared at Keeley with a curious glance, though her face was still largely hidden behind the hem of your dress. You pressed your palm to the back of her head, your thumb stroking her hair.

“Sorry, she’s so shy,” You explained, giving her a sheepish smile. Keeley shook her head as she stood up straight again. 

“‘S’alright,” She said with an unwavering smile. “I’m just glad you’re here. Come on!” She took your free hand and led you and Ivy to the other side of the table. When a high chair had been set up at the end, your heart skipped a beat. You lifted the toddler up and set her in the seat. She looked pleased, as she knew she was about to get food. As if he had a sixth sense of reading minds, Sam Obisanya appeared out of nowhere and set down a plate of chicken nuggets and fries in front of Ivy. And before you even had the chance to protest, you noticed the nuggets were already cut up. You look at Sam in wonder.

“You didn’t need to do all this,” You said to him, swallowing the lump in your throat. Behind the two of you was a buffet style table of food. Sam waved you off.

“As soon as Keeley told me you were bringing your daughter, I decided to do this.” His expression grew embarrassed. “I wanted to apologise for the team’s reaction the day you began. It was not fair for us to judge you so harshly, and so quickly.” Overhearing, Dani Rojas turned around, his smile warm and friendly.

“Yes, we owe you a sincere apology,” He added. When you turned, you found that Isaac had his arms out, gesturing towards the entire room.

“That’s what this is,” He told you. “Our Welcome-To-The-Team-Sorry-For-Being-Dicks dinner.” 

You shook your head, astonished. “This is so nice, I’m-”

An arm wrapped around your shoulders, and when you turned, it was Rebecca, with a deep smile.

“We’re so happy to have you here,” She said, bringing you in for a hug. When you looked over, Keeley was playing with Ivy as she ate her dinner, the toddler looking as though she was starting to get comfortable with your new friend. When your eyes find Rebecca again, you can feel them welling up with tears.

“I’m just going to run to the toilet real quick,” You said, desperately trying not to sound strained. She nodded understandingly before letting you go. As you make your way to the back, you have to refrain from rushing. You didn’t want to come off like something was wrong. The door swung shut behind you, and you pressed your back against it, taking deep breaths to calm down.

As the door shut behind him, Jamie looked around Ola’s with a wide smile. Anastasia was to his left, hugging her arms around her torso.

“James, why are we here?” She asked him without a single effort to hide her annoyance. Flinching, he gave her a look. 

“Me whole team’s here,” He said, as if it were obvious. When she stared at him with a hard look, he sighed in defeat. “We won’t stay long.” 

It only took one teammate to notice Jamie for the whole room to erupt into cheers and shouts. He smiled as he walked up to Moe, clapping his hand into his friend’s before pulling him into a hug. 

“Life of the party’s here now, ain’t he?” 

Moe, Zoreaux and Colin all shook their heads and laughed as they greeted their friend. Jamie saw them glancing at Anastasia as she followed him through the room. She didn’t speak to anyone, and it took him a moment to realise she was staring down at her phone. 

Shaking off his annoyance, Jamie spotted Keeley at the other end of the table. She had her back towards him, and it appeared like she was talking to someone, though he couldn’t tell who. A comfort fell over him as he approached. 

“Hey, darlin’,” He said, putting his hand on her shoulder. She looked up at him, first in surprise, and then in excitement. 

“You made it!” She exclaimed, giving him a hug. He closed his eyes at the contact. After the week he had, and the date he was already predicting he was about to have, he needed a hug. When she pulled away, she nodded to the side. “Look who’s been keeping me company?”

He followed her gaze to the toddler in the high chair that he somehow missed upon approach. His face softened as he looked her up and down. She had deep brown curls and familiar looking eyes. He lowered himself down to her level, her round blues staring intently at him.

“And who are you, love?” He asked, his voice friendlier now. She pulled her hands away from her mouth.

“Ivy!” She exclaimed, trying to hide a smile.

“Ivy? My, what a lovely name!” Jamie threw a glance back at Keeley. “What, are you a nanny now or somethin’?” 

“Of course not, she’s-”

“You?” 

Jamie turned back to the toddler, his face curious and playful again. Ivy was staring at him with watchful eyes as she waited for his answer.  

“Who am I?” He asked, pointing to himself. She nodded excitedly. “I’m Jamie! Nice to meet ya!” He held a hand out towards her for a shake, but she just shoved it away. As she pulled her hands back towards her face, she eyed him, as if begging him to respond. He pretended to be offended with a loud gasp, which made her giggle. “Someone has to teach this muppet some manners!” He reached forward and gave her round tummy a tickle. A shriek of laughter left her mouth as she tried to escape him, though it was impossible due to the high chair. 

“Jamie!” Someone called from across the room. Turning away from his new friend, he rose to his feet, the welling feeling of elation in his chest dissipating. When a disgruntled shout came from behind, he turned towards Ivy once again, who looked at him with a fierce angry face that, for whatever reason, gave him deja vu.

“What?” He asked. In lieu of words, she angrily crossed her arms over her chest. He mirrored her, making the same face back at her. “Do ya want to come with me?” The anger washed away from her face in an instant, and was replaced with bright enthusiasm.

“Yes!”

Jamie’s heart lurched when Ivy reached out towards him, an invitation to pick her up. He hoisted her up and tossed her on his shoulders, receiving a squeal of approval in return. With one index finger in each of her hands to keep her steady, he began to walk the room.

“Dani!” Jamie shouted as he approached his friend. There was a bounce in his step now, and he could hear Ivy giggling as she held on tightly to his fingers. Rojas turned, his eyes immediately on the toddler and causing his crescent moon smile to fill his face.

“Hello there, amiga!” He exclaimed, taking a step forward. Ivy ducked behind Jamie’s head.

“This is Ivy,” He said proudly. He turned his head ever so slightly towards her. “Ives, this is Dani. He’s a friend! Don’t be shy.” Though she popped her head out a little more, she didn’t not greet the stranger. Jamie gave Dani a reassuring glance. “Don’t worry, she’s just feelin’ bashful, don’t ya, love?” Dani tickled Ivy’s foot, causing her to giggle loudly. A broad smile filled his cheeks.

Jamie continued his parade around the room. At the same time, he found himself wondering who this little girl belonged to. If she didn’t come with Keeley, the first person he saw her with, then who? She didn’t resemble anyone else in the room. And he thought he had met the families of at least most, if not all, his teammates.

The bell of the door rang out, and when Jamie turned, he saw Roy Kent walk inside. He gasped dramatically.

“Look who it is!” He announced as he made his way to the dark haired man. “Roy Kent! Roy Kent! He’s here-“ He jerked Ivy to the left. “He’s there-“ He jerked Ivy to the right. “He’s every-fuckin’-where!” He bounced to the beat of the song, instigated by the sounds of the little girl’s laughter.

“You might want to watch your fuckin’ language around her,” Roy warned. 

“Who are you to talk?” 

He shrugged. “Not a person walkin’ around with a toddler on my shoulders.” Though his face was still impossible to read, Jamie didn’t miss the way Roy’s eyes softened when he eyed Ivy. “Who brought her?” Jamie shrugged in an exaggerated fashion, making the toddler bounce and laugh once again.

“No idea.”

Roy began to head further into the room, with Jamie and Ivy close behind. The walnut mist footballer eyed the food table and remembered how starved he was. Not that he could do anything about it in the moment. 

“Are you having fun?” Rebecca asked as she approached. Jamie bounced some more, raising Ivy’s hands up along with his own before jerking them back down quickly, earning another contagious laugh. 

“I am,” He said, as Rebecca gave Ivy a fond look.

“She’s very sweet,” She remarked as she rubbed the toddler’s back lovingly. It seemed it wasn’t just Jamie who Ivy had wrapped around her finger. The whole room was slowly dropping like flies to the toddler’s adorable smile and piercing laughter.

“Who’s kid is she?” He asked Rebecca, the smile still wide on his face. Despite his distraction, he didn’t miss the way her smile faltered.

“You-“ She looked between him and Ivy, a deep crinkle forming between her eyebrows. “She’s-“

“Jamie Tartt!”

The shout started everyone in the room, including Ivy. He felt her release his hands as as he whirled around, his heart seizing as he felt her fall backwards off his lap.

The entire room seemed to pause. Jamie expected a loud thump, already flinching at his failure, but it never came. When he turned, he found that Ivy was safe in a pair of arms. 

Yours. 

Behind you was Jan Maas, who had stopped you when you were on your way out of the bathroom to return to the party. It was just a normal conversation, though not without some very intense and obvious flirting from his side. Since he’d been a few drinks deep at this point, and wasn’t on the roster as a participant in the therapy program at AFC Richmond, you decided to let it slide. It wasn’t until Anastasia had yelled out at her date that you turned and realised that your daughter was no longer in the high chair with Keeley. 

As you raised Ivy to your side, resting her on your hip, your eyes never left Jamie. His eyes were pleading as they stared into yours, the pieces of the puzzle coming together in his mind. Ivy picked that moment to wrap her arms around your neck, pressing her head against the side of yours.

“Mummy,” She said lovingly with a content sight. You raised your hand and patted her back. Opening your mouth to speak, you were stopped by the Russian model coming up behind Jamie.

“I want to leave,” She hissed into his ear. He glanced back at her with a look that suggested he had forgotten about her presence entirely.

His eyes turned back to yours, searching for answers. You had them all, but no words to give them with. 

Anastasia grabbed his arm and pulled him towards the door to leave. His feet dragged across the floor as he kept throwing glances back towards you, even still when he was outside and walking by the windows. 

The party had largely resumed, except for you, as you set Ivy back down in the high chair and sat down next to her. 

The moment you had never prepared yourself for.

He knows.

He knows. 

You stared at Ivy, who was now eating her foot again, albeit while acting a bit more fussy than she had before. Was she just worn out? Or was she missing him? You buried your face in your hands.

“Hey.” 

When you looked over, Keeley was sitting down next to you, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder. You nod in acknowledgement. Even when you looked away, you could still feel her stare burning holes in the side of your head.

“So, you and Jamie…”

You closed your eyes.

“Yup,” You said slowly, drawing out the word. “Me and Jamie.” 

“How long ago was that?” 

You glanced at Ivy, who was dancing to the song playing over the speakers. “We knew each other forever, and dated for four years, I think. Ended about…” You narrowed your eyes in thought. ”…three years ago.” 

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Keeley looking between you and Ivy. You could practically see the maths she was doing in her head like it was written in white in the air around her. 

“Does he know?” She asked. You sigh before turning to look at her again. She nodded towards Ivy. “Does he know she’s his?” 

You laugh slightly without an ounce of humour. 

“He didn’t,” You said, with a shake of your head. “But he definitely does now.”

~

A/N

I don't know if anyone cares to know about this, but i thought I would take the time to explain some of my process with this fic, mostly because I love it and i've put a lot of thought into it! A big inspiration for this story has been the song Euclid by Sleep Token, and in particularly, the line "Yet in reverse, you were all my symmetry, a parallel I would lay my life on. So if your wings won't find you heaven, I will bring it down like an ancient bygone". The duel POVs are to show that, even though they aren't together, Reader and Jamie still have an unexplainable symmetry, and constantly parallel each other, and as the story goes on, the parallels will become more obvious. Each time the POV changes, it's when a thought or action of theirs parallel. The title also comes from this song, from the line "Do you remember me when the rain gathers?" You'll also notice that rain is a prominent feature in this fic. A fun fact is that I debated making the title the whole lyric, but decided it would be too long. This fic was also almost titled Take Me Back To Eden, which is another sleep token song, but i decided WTRG fit it better! If you cared enough to read all of this, thank you for supporting me in my writing. I have tried to slow down with my writing so i can take better care with my chapter planning and writing, I hope that work shows! Please let me know what you think! :)

~

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[bullet-prooflove]

No. 24 She's mean and she's mine for Fbi most wanted Remy. TIA

Companion piece to Sober (NSFW) - Remy realises you have issues with soberiety.

You don’t hide your addiction from Remy. You talk about it openly with him. He knows that you got hooked undercover, that you used coke and booze to cope. You’d been in a spiral for a couple of years before Jubal had forced you to confront the problem. By the time you’d met him you’d been sober for three years.

“I was a mean drunk Remy.” You’d told him as you made tea in his kitchen. “I burned through all my friends, my family. It took me a long time to make amends.”

He knows how isolated you’d become, how you’d pushed people away in the throes of your addiction. It made it easier to reconcile the drinking. He had kissed away the shame that crept up your cheeks, whispered the sweetest reassurances against your skin as he held you close.

“You’re bigger than your addiction.” He had reminded you. “You aren’t the same person you were back then.”

It’s true, Remy believes that with every single fibre of his being. The job you do, it may be high pressure but you know your triggers, you manage it well. Which is why he’s surprised when your brother sends him a 911 text to discuss his concerns about you.

“She’s drinking again.” Henry informs him as he sits across from Remy at the coffeeshop a few doors down from 26 Fed. “I saw her in a club a couple of days ago, she had a glass in her hand and she was with another guy. I’m sorry Remy but this is what it was like last time…”

Remy holds his hand up to silence the other man as he struggles to process the information. He admits he’s been busy over the past few weeks, Wyoming, Richmond, Bethesda but when he has been home he’s been attentive. He would know if something was going on with you. As for another man being on the scene, he doesn’t understand when you would even have the time, let alone the inclination. Remy’s pretty confident in his ability to keep you satisfied.

“What did he look like?” He asks Henry and the other man withdraws his phone from his jacket pocket.

“I took a picture.” He says before pushing the device towards Remy. “In case you needed proof.”

It’s a image of you and a man he knows well. You’re standing alongside each other at a bar. His hand is on your lower back, almost protectively. There’s a glass in your hand, a cocktail with a cherry sticking out of it. You’re wearing a cobalt blue dress, one that clings to your form. It’s that dress that makes everything click into place for Remy, that makes him take another at the glass in your hand.

“She’s not drinking again.” He says quietly before he zooms in on the glass and tilts the phone back towards Henry. “It’s a Shirley Temple, a non-alcoholic cocktail, it’s grenadine and ginger ale. It’s what she drinks when she’s on UC ops so that she blends in and that guy she’s with? His name is Omar Zidan, he’s her partner.”

Remy remembers that night well because he’d barely been able to keep his hands off you when you’d stepped out of the bedroom wearing dress. You’d been interrupted by OA’s arrival, the younger man had joked about having Cinderella back by midnight. When you’d slinked in at one am, you’d been sober as a judge and ready for a little play. He’d made love with you in the bed you shared until the sun came up.

“You don’t have to worry about her.” He reassures Henry. “Your sister, she’s solid.”

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[princessamericachavez]

My thoughts about the Ted Lasso finale (no particular order)

The end montage was obviously Ted’s dream for the future and not even subtly so jot that down

Actually just gonna add that this is the show’s way of telling us the potential these characters have and what Ted wishes for them but without his presence it’s up to them now

Roy mouthing alone to Goodbye, Farewell broke me because he’s clearly the one who put together the choreography

Also Dani singing? My most beloved

Jaime and Roy clashing one last time might have pissed some people off but this was always a rock in their shoe that they needed to address and we see that their relationship can and will survive it

I like Rebecca’s romcom ending even if I wanted her to end with Ted.

Ted going back to his son was necessary and the whole point. He always blamed his father for abandoning them. When he came to Richmond he was all but running away from his family in hopes things would magically fix themselves. Instead, he put in the work and healed. But his biggest triggers were always connected to him missing his son’s life. In the end, Ted’s growth was the point so he could go back to them and be the best version of himself for them and for himself.

Ted not talking while Rebecca rambles was actually perfect. Old bitter Rebecca would’ve never opened up like that. But old Ted would’ve also rushed to reassure her or try to make a joke or cheer her up. This time, Ted lets her speak and then sticks to his guns, even if the truth is uncomfortable for others. He allows himself to do this for himself and not to please others.

Beard staying for Jane was foreseeable given the toxic codependent nature of their relationship. Happy perfect endings don’t exist. His story is still developing.

Furthermore, the real growth came from Beard letting himself choose something regardless of what Ted is doing and breaking himself free from a cycle of guilt and feeling in debt.

I know it was in the dream but god I hope Roy gets therapy. We did see the roots of him wanting to change and be better and accept the help he needs so he’s in the right path.

Keeley/Roy/Jamie is still endgame in my heart. Eventually. Once all three are in the right place.

The himbos singing made me cry. A lot.

Even if it was in the dream, if Jamie actually chose to reconnect to his dad somehow I think it wouldn’t be the end of the world. He would get to do it on his terms and only because he chose to have him in his life to some degree. Which might simply be being civil and talking from time to time, so long as his father keeps putting in the work to better himself and takes steps to make amends and apologize and acknowledge all his wrongs. Who knows. It’s an open ending.

Loved everything about the match.

Glad Van Damme got closure from Rani Dojas and that Dani acknowledged his part in what happened and tried to make amends.

CANT believe they made me feel sorry for George.

The cold open was a tease but I loved to see what could’ve been (and who says Ted and Rebecca didn’t find each other while running away from all that noise and one thing less t another…)

I wish we’d seen Sam’s restaurant and his cute chef one last time.

Actually wish we’d had a little bit of all the other himbos.

And finally

Finally

I… don’t think it was the series’s finale. I don’t know. I might be wrong but lately all interviews from the cast suggest deep down they hope something else will come and maybe they’ll be like “you know what, this story isn’t over” or something.

That last scene and the musical cue with Ted’s final shot felt so dissonant to me. Like there’s something still unfinished there.

I, like Roy Kent, have all my fingers crossed.

[cookiesupplier]

Say My Name

pairing: nicholas ruffilo x ofc

cw: None (Part One) -- does pining count? lol

words: 2108

summary: Nicholas Ruffilo has been a fixture in Kaia's life for so long she couldn't imagine it without him. Even after he left for LA and his life of stardom took off.. the only problem, she never got the nerve to tell him how she felt about him. Could one more tattoo change everything?

author’s note: Um.. this was going to be smutty but... bare with me lol, there will be a part two, when I get to it.. I intend it to contain the goods, but I felt like this would be a good point to actually get this down and put this out there before I psych myself out! Also.. not a tattoo artist, everything comes from websites, youtube, or personal experience as a tattoo client. ALL COMMENTS ARE WELCOME, but please, be constructive.

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Being an introvert wasn’t always as simple as being the quiet and mousy looking one, that was something Kaia learned as she grew up. She was the youngest of three siblings and as much as she could yell, and scream, and rumble with her older brothers, give as good as she got, when it came to the end of the day, she always preferred to curl up in her bean bag chair and pull open one of the many books in her reading nook, losing herself to the fantasy world among the pages. The characters within always made so much more sense than the world around her, and felt so much less suffocating than the world that just seemed to want to push down on her chest and put pressure on her until she couldn’t breath.

It didn’t help that with the work that she loved, so many that walked into the tattoo parlour, and saw the brightly coloured hair, and elaborate designed tattoos, and just assumed you were as boisterous and as extroverted as the rest of her family. She did love her tattoos, nothing about her aesthetic was anything that she regretted, even if it did make people assume things about her at times seeing her numerous tattoos. So many of them were inspired from the pages of those books that she dearly loved. Not that all of them were drawn by her, most of them weren’t even tattooed by any of the artists in the shop where she worked, the artist used to work there though, before he left for LA, now she was lucky to snag time with him when he was visiting on holidays.. Fuck, she missed him.

Nick. He was one of her oldest friends. He’d been the one to get her apprenticeship at the shop, which had turned into a full placement here, and now she was working here full time. Her books were always full, and it pained her, but she was finding herself having to turn people away when she couldn’t always find the time to fit them in when it was convenient for them both.. And she’d been scolded more than once from her boss for trying to push herself to overwork longer hours to accommodate people that couldn’t fit into when she worked. She deserved time off as well. Okay, so she was a bit of a people pleaser sometimes..

Yesterday she got a message from one of her friends from high school.

Guess which tattooed hottie is back in town?

Fuck, did Kaia’s heart skipped a beat when she saw that message, there was only one person that Corey would be messaging her that description about, considering he knew exactly how she felt about Nick.. he tormented her about it relentlessly. Taunting Kaia about how, if only she had opened up those pretty little lips and told Nick how she felt about him, she could have moved to LA with the man and gotten to work practicing on making those pretty little metal head babies, his words not hers.. Or have a long distance relationship even.. It wasn’t like he didn’t travel enough as it was.. He was on the road touring constantly. He wasn’t even in Los Angeles all that much either.. Though arguably more than Nick was in Richmond anymore.

Now, yes, Kaia knew Corey’s teasing was in jest, and he didn’t mean anything malicious towards her, but there were days when his words struck so close to home, because she knew he was right. Kaia knew that if she’d just told Nick the truth about how she felt about him, maybe things could have been different, but now, now it was too late.. It was too late to tell him that every time she’d bought him an idea for a tattoo, it had really just been another excuse to see him, another reason to spend time with him. That so much of her body was covered in tattoos because she would jump at the chance to bring all her ideas to him before anyone else. There were days that Corey’s words hurt so bad because Kaia  was just waiting for the day she heard about the wonderful girl that Nick had met on the road, or in LA, and he had swept her off her feet, and away with her in a whirlwind romance of love and music.

Who wouldn’t love that man? Nicholas Ruffilo was one of a kind! While most of his fans only saw the gorgeous bassist of Bad Omens, along with that delicious man bun, she saw the quiet but dedicated dork of a man that always put his family first. That had helped tutor her when she was failing calculus in senior year despite absolutely hating the subject himself, just because she’d needed it. The boy that would listen to her prattle on about characters in books that she was well aware he had no idea about, and had absolutely no desire to ever read, but did he listen, and did he ask her questions while he was permanently inking inspired artwork to her skin? Absolutely. He was the boy that she would see giggling over milk shakes and eating fries while reading comic books with Noah.. that was who she had fallen in love with and never had the guts to tell him the truth.

Today, today she was visiting him again, he knew she had another tattoo in mind. About an hour after she felt like she stopped breathing after Corey’s message she got one from Nick, asking if she was up for a meet up. They never did lose touch, and she’d told him months ago she had a new tattoo in mind. At first she’d mentioned it in passing, just running the idea by him, wanting his opinion before asking one of the artists at the shop if they’d be interested in doing the work for her, when Nick had practically demanded he wait for her to let him do it. She’d agreed, how could she not? It was Nick, he practically owned her body, and he didn’t even know. The fact that he’d taken her rough sketch idea and resigned it a week later and had her drooling at the thought of it curving up and around her inner thigh, like she had already told him she intended for the idea in the first place.

Kaia was meeting him at his parent’s place, he was setting up a sterile station for them to work here, she’d offered the shop so he could see everyone, but she could almost hear the smile in his voice as he told her no, that he knew it was her day off and who wanted to go into work on their day off. Besides, this way it could just be them, they could talk, chat, just like they used to.

Oh, how she had felt her face go warm at the thought of Nick’s hands on her again, hands running up her inner thigh as his voice washed over her, even talking about nothing, anything.. Even with the buzz of the tattoo gun.. Especially with the buzz of the tattoo gun, oh it made her press her thighs together. No, no she needed to focus, calm, calm and collected, it was just a tattoo, she’d gotten them countless times before, from Nick, and she’d been just fine. Nothing out of the ordinary, she wouldn’t embarrass herself, and even more she wouldn’t embarrass him..

Nick answered the door, his smile warm, inviting, hair up in his messy man bun that instantly had Kaia smiling, and trying not to flush with warmth in her cheeks as he pulled her into a hug tight.

“Oh, I missed you.”

She could feel her cheeks ache with how wide she smiled as she stuffed her face into his shoulder to muffle the little bit of giddiness that he was the one to admit that instead of her. That she wasn’t the one to cave to the impulse to be so hopeless right now. Not that she could ever think Nick was hopeless. He probably just missed her because she was a little bit of home instead of the hustle and bustle that came with the insanity that was his life as a rockstar. All the same, her arms wrapped around him to squeeze him back.

“Missed you too, Nick.”

Pulling back from his arms, she dipped her head a little, trying to hide the fact that she was almost sure that her cheeks were rosy pink with a flush of her blush, but it didn’t stop Nick from chuckling and grabbing her hand and pulling her inside properly. He offered her water, a snack before they got started, accepting both, better to be safe when it came to tattoos, but over all, it wasn’t long before he had her laying back, propped up on the couch, her legs out in front of her. Kaia had worn a sundress knowing that he was going to be tattooing high on her leg today, and taking off her pants, oh, that would be a bit much for her today.

Showing her the finished piece that he’d been working on for her, Kaia was so excited, Nick was always so exceptional with his work. She might be an artist herself, but there was something about his artwork that she just loved inking to her skin, seeing his work had been what made her fall in love with the medium of using skin as a canvas in the first place. Before that, Kaia had been much more partial to clay sculpture, she’d always been partial to doing things with her hands.

With the skirt of her dress tucked up to the leg of her underwear delicately to expose the meat of her thigh, Kaia held her breath as she showed Nick where she wanted the tattoo, and with a professional, simple nod, he ran his gloved hand over her freshly shaved and prepped skin, and prepared the stencil before rubbing the stencil stuff into her skin. Swallowing down, this was something she’d done to countless clients time and time again, and she knew it was coming, she knew his hands were going to be on her, rubbing the liquid into her skin to transfer the ink of the stencil. Breath, Kaia, breath, it was just another tattoo, she’d done this with him so many times, it was no different.

It was different. It was always different with Nick.

She lifted her head from the way she had tilted back to not look to him, attempting to focus on anything but what he was doing.. Making the utter mistake of glancing down towards Nicholas to see what he was going as he placed the stencil, curving his hand over the paper, placing such delicate pressure over the image to press it down to her thigh, she could almost feel her muscles shake under his touch… it made her want to moan under his hands, and without realizing it, maybe the softest breath of one left her lips in the form of his name.

“Nicholas.”

And she froze.

They both froze.

Nick’s hand’s stilled on her thigh, one very intimately placed on her inner thigh as his eyes flew up to her as her cheeks flushed bright with warmth at the realization at the sound that had just escaped her.

“Kaia?”

His light eyes met her dark searchingly as she swallowed heavily,

“Nick.”

Her voice shook as she wanted to bolt from the room so fast but his hands just hadn’t moved from her leg, and she was both terrified and delighted with that fact. Terrified that if she said something he would move them, and delighted that maybe, just maybe, he just didn’t want to, and that was why they were there.

It felt like a silence hung over them forever, but it was probably only barely a moment as he looked to her searchingly, was he looking for something in her expression, trying to see what might be going through her mind. She wouldn’t be the first person in the world to get turned on from getting a tattoo, but usually that didn’t happen until after the needle hit their skin in her experiences. No, no that wasn’t what was happening here. If anything there was a touch of panic in her eyes, panic that he wouldn’t feel about her the way she felt about him. That, however, didn’t seem to be something she had to worry about.

“I want you to say my name like that again.”