#i miss my cousin
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#(this is a daily log of thoughts i guess)#trigger warning: death/suicide/loss#personal thoughts#sam's kintsugi heart#i miss my cousin#11y ago my older cousin killed himself. he was like an older brother to me. i still haven't let go of my guilt fully. i miss him so much.#i know objectively speaking there was nothing i could have done to save him.#but another hug; another smile; another phone call; another “how are you doing?”... i miss you M; i wish you had stayed.#i had a dream three weeks ago you had returned somehow; like all this time you had just been missing.#and you were clean and happy#and we hugged each other so strong#i will always miss you. i will always love you.#and i will check on people more often because i still think i could have been more present when you were struggling.#but i do feel like i am healing#i wish you had healed too#i will be strong. i'll live and love and try for the both of us.#you deserved so much more <3#still thank you for all the time you stayed <3
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“You need to eat” well you would’ve been the only family member under this fucking roof that ever believed that.
#i have nothing to explain and ramble about much in the tags im fucking weak and in pain and fucking tired. of everything.#my parents can fucking go to hell#the fucking respect is soooooo lacking put me out of my misery#i miss my cousin#ignore this.#personal vent
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splat 2 sketch comic for the starving agent 4 fans (me)
#clarifying right here right now NONE of this is shipping#pls dont interpret any of this as shipping#anyway i think people dont explore marie and agent 4's dynamic enough#marie is shown to be very caring and I hc agent 4 remind her a lot of callie once they open up to marie#so naturally marie is going to be doting as fuck towards this kid#implied angst of marie missing her cousin and seeing her in agent 4#my art#splatoon 2#splatoon#agent 4#marie splatoon#callie splatoon#also splatoon 2 storymode is more irrelevant now than Ever so this is kinda bad timing lmao
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I haven't met her since last June.
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#Quackity#Qlobal Translator#Temporary tag for now#This is seriously so cool I'm glad I was right about the Translation tool thing#Can't wait to see this being used#And I'd love to see Arkanis use it#I hope it's something that many streamers can / will use#I was celebrating Dia de los Muertos with family yesterday and missed this entire stream / announcement#But I got pinged about it and immediately watched this video then pulled my cousin aside and was like#''Look at this cool thing our little primo is doing''(#Not related obviously but it's a running joke in our family)#Whenever we see a fellow Mexican doing well or doing something cool we go ''That's our primo!''#I'm entirely at fault for starting that trend#Anyways#November 3 2024#Got a big smile on my face when I heard SushiRamen talking I was like !!!!! I know that language!!!!#Man I should start listening to some Japanese streamers sometime
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAREST REIGEN!!
everyone thanks you for entering their lives :')
#i like making reigen sob his ass off... hes an ugly crier for sure#the balloons were each drawn by the three of them tee hee#dont think i have to say this but plz dont...tag *yknow what ship* ...not trying to spark a fire im a bit worried of ppl misinterpreting?#mob is very dear to reigen their bond is extraordinary... i feel like a peck on the cheek would be normal to them yknow what i mean#i dont see them necessarily as father and son but more like brothers/cousins/family friends... but more complex i suppose#the point is that they saved each other so a kiss on the cheek as a thank you would make sense!#also once again this looks like serirei art but it isnt... im not capable of making them not look gay am i... good god im a mess!#im just glad i finished something for his bday i wouldve kicked the shit outta myself for missing it#actually i did a bit of the reigenweek prompts let me finish some of those... i got the reigen bug lately and draw him lots :)#my art#mp100#mob psycho 100#reigen arataka#shigeo kageyama#serizawa katsuya#ekubo
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the greater nassau polycule - black sails s1-4
#ok sorry this took me hours#please tell me if im missing anyone#i made this for my cousin whos getting into black sails#everyone say good luck jordan#relationship map#black sails#bs#silverflint#silvermax#maxanne#maxanor#jackanne#silvermadi#madisilverflint#flintmiranda#vaneanor#james flint#john silver#madi black sails#madi scott#max black sails#jack rackham#eleanor guthrie#miranda barlow#charles vane#woodes rogers#anne bonny#photo/vid/gif
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Matthew Perry in Fools Rush In
#one of my all time favorite movies#this man and his movies was my childhood more so than Friends ever was because I didn't watch that till college#matthew perry#you will be missed and I will continue to watch your work forever#fools rush in#films#also really really really making me miss my cousin who passed several years ago because my love for him and his movies came from her#moviegifs
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i guess im doing more of these.
meet the female scout! she's the daughter of a crime family from los angeles. speaks with a bit of a valley girl accent(of course), and has a keen interest in fashion and money. luckily for her, the gravel wars have a lot of the latter. not so much of the former.
the female scout is similar to the scout in that she's not so much a fighter as much as she is a very good athlete. the perks of coming from a rich background means that she has a wide array of proficiencies, from sprinting to croquet(her favourite game), she's perfect for her role as a scout on her team.
before her time as a mercenary on RED, the family which the female scout is from took a favour from Saxton Hale, helping them gain more power in Los Angeles by giving them firearms. Saxton thought that they were going to use them to take more control by force, but it turns out that they just sold the guns for money. He didn't mind though, seeing as how they owed him and he was going to get his money back one way or another.
And he did come back eventually, looking for payment for the loans. Not wanting to actually pay him back, the family gave them their only daughter, soon to be known as the female scout, as an asset to the company.
Saxton, having no need for her, took her in anyway and gave her off to Miss Pauling for the Gravel Wars instead. The female scout has been fighting ever since.
the female scout wasn't exactly told why she was going to the war, other than she needed to "prove herself to be a worthy member of the family" and to take her first steps into the adult world.
well, if the adult world consisted of having piss thrown at them and people running around naked and covered in honey, then she was more than prepared by the end of her first week. however, despite the female scout's more snobbish personality, she has a bit of a strange way of viewing the world.
coming from high crime, she's not unfamiliar to the more dubious surgical practices of the medic and is only surprised that he actually puts his patients back together instead of burying somewhere remote. blood and guts is all game as long as it doesn't stain her clothes. good thing everyone wears red.
#tf2#team fortress 2#scout tf2#tf2 femscout#idk i feel like her name would be lucy#but i dont really want to give names out yet#jeremy probably tries to get with her#but she thinks shes totally out of his league#miss pauling however???#headcanonning that shes cousins with bidwell#explains why they have contacts with australians#my art
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miku but she’s a SoCal fil-am circa 2014
#hatsune miku#SORRY I KNOW IM LATE#swagapino miku you will always be famous#miku art#truly miss worldwide#digital art#my art#art#filipino#filipino miku#source: literally half of my cousins#vocaloid hatsune#miku worldwide#international miku#not pictured: miku w/ a ukelele playing Jeremy Passion’s Lemonade#artists on tumblr
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two indisputable facts about the walls of the curtis house:
1. there is a long line of crayon drawn from one end of the hallway to another. soda’s bedroom door has a crudely-drawn horse on it, underneath the crayon line. the crayon mark is referred to as “load-bearing” and cannot be removed.
2. the doorframe to the kitchen desperately needs to be replaced, but it never will be, because there’s a makeshift height chart on there with little markings for every member of the family that date back to when their dad was a kid, because it’s the house he grew up in and grandma curtis made sure to keep track at least once every year, and darrel kept up the tradition after his parents died. darrel 6/7/30—3 y/o—shoes on. darry jr. 4/17/58—11 y/o—shoes on. sodapop 8th birthday—no shoes. ponyboy 11/14/53—4 mos.—sock feet. mama curtis has an entry from after she and darrel sr. got married. the gang all get initiated into the family via being measured on the doorframe. soda has never been measured in shoes because he refuses to wear them. nowhere was an actual measurement in inches or centimeters ever used. just a line and a silly little note. so many people are included over the years that it’s unreadable and the gang’s kids will have to start a new list on the other side of the doorframe
#im gonna be sick thinking about that second one I miss my grandma’s tiny battered down hundred year old house.#the outsiders#the outsiders musical#ponyboy curtis#darry curtis#sodapop curtis#curtis brothers#the outsiders broadway#my post#wish desperately I could provide a visual for the second one but alas I would doxx myself bc for some reason I wrote my last name on there#and the video I took of the whole thing would never upload#by the time i was born we had to start writing around the corner bc I have so many cousins on my moms side#so my brother and I and the great grandkids got the other side around the corner lmao
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Brb gonna go torch a Saab like a pile of leaves 🎶
#ore no kao#first vw show is finally in the bookssss#after 11 years (and a few streams this year alone) heard Diane Young live and i am renewed 😌#(did kinda wish a guy was with me--esp with the couples nearby being lovey during 'never known a love like this before ya' in This Life#[and if this guy i've missed would read/reply to my texts and communicate and not just view my IG stories it could've been him...]#buuut that aside i had a blast ✌🏽)#was fun relating with the guy next to me about our top songs and what we thought their encore would be#i am still so surprised they havent really played Cousins on this tour but tHEY BROUGHT OUT GIVING UP THE GUN AHHHHH 🔫#v fun v fun#did wanna throw in some of my Diane Young recording too but lemme let these selfies breathe lol
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woke up. lizard on pillow. like i opened my eyes and he was beside me and staring at me. lil green-brown fella. tongue like :p. he was the length of my pinky finger. as soon as i reached for him he scuttled away out of reach and vanished behind my bed.
literally lived a g/t first meeting this morning so thats cool
#i have to go on a six hour drive today and id rather die tbh#im soooo sick rn. i dont wanna go. but id feel bad abt missing my cousins wedding#abyways ill b okay. lets discuss the lizard more#he was very cute and very small#i did think he was dead at first and almost yelled
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drew this ab a month ago but i still think it's cute
#my first thought after i finished drawing highschool carmy was “wow this is the most lesbian he's ever looked”#i'd say they are prob like 17 and 32 in this drawing maybe#idk man i miss them so bad when are the cousins coming back :(#carmy berzatto#richie jerimovich#the bear fx#sammi's art
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theres yaoi in my dungeins and dragosn podacst
#im crying my cousin called me and has been nonstop yapping about everything she finds on tiktok i havent said anything for atleats 5minutes#SHE HASNT STOPPED#dndads#dungeons and daddies#dnddads#dungeon and daddies#maxxwellamusart#normal oak#hermie the unworthy#oakworthy#man i miss oakworthy nation
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very pleased to report that i tried literally counting sheep last night and got my first full night's sleep in like a week in a long period of sleepless nights!!
#not sure if i should say 'this works guys!' because while it worked for me#i'm not sure if it'll work for everyone#but yeah! focusing on counting sheep gave my mind one thought to focus on#so it could drown all the others out! much more effective than just trying to 'think of nothing' which i CANNOT do#and as i got further i began spacing out the counting. i listened to my heartbeat#and after like ten beats i'd count the next sheep#and in between the counting i found my mind drifting sort of aimlessly#vague noise i wasn't fully consciously thinking of#which i think is generally a good sign for me. cause i'm losing control of my thought processes and slipping into dreaming#but every time i'd count another sheep it was fascinating.#'one hundred and sixty sheep' and just like that the background noise was all gone. and my mind was quiet again. wow.#anyway i had a full dream for the first time in a while. my cousin was there. i missed school by accident and was disappointed.#love you all💙 sweet dreams and restful nights on planet earth even though it's ten am for me
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