#i might say no depending on how many people join so im very sorry if you cannot get in

[ashe-hallows]

HELLO WTNV ENJOYERS.

for those also wanting a space with people to talk about wtnv with, boy do i have a server for you!!

introducing Welcome to Night Vale Fans and Enthusiasts! this server is for fans of wtnv to talk about our beloved podcast, make friends and rotate our blorbos! invite is in the reblogs <3

[gemini-sensei]

okay so i havent been active in the ck fandom for a while, but i remember your account so vividly and im so glad you're still writing for it omg okay anyway! ive seen SO many fics about teen pregnancy in this fandom, but ive never seen ANYONE write about pregnancy pre karate?? like itd be such a drastic change & im sooo interested in how eli's story would go if he'd happened to get a girlfriend & immediately (accidentally) knocked her up before any of the hawk stuff could happen? Like soft eli is so sweet and caring?? and then suddenly he's big & scary & really jealous and 😭 would it even still happen??

Would love to know your thoughts!! But ofc please ignore if you're not interested :)

First of all, welcome back (? (should I say that? lol)) Second, I LOVE this ask so very much so this might be a little long...

Reader and Eli have had little crushes on each other, but it's not like they're friends. They're lab partners and they don't talk a lot due to being shy and such. Their relationship doesn't start until she builds up the courage to ask him out to the Halloween dance. He agrees through some fumbling words and they're both so excited. It's so cute of them; they get to dress up and it's their first date in a way. It should be fun.

At the dance, they hang out the whole time and talk about comics and movies. Eli kind of accidentally leaves Miguel and Demetri in the dust even though they were with them at first but they backed off because it was obvious Reader and Eli were in their own little world. They dance a little bit but when Eli says something about needing some fresh air, Reader walks outside with him and it's a nice little moment. It's quiet and Reader thinks it's the moment and goes in for a kiss, gently pulling his surgical mask down to do it and he lets her because holy shit this is really happening! They have their first kiss and become a real couple that night.

After that night, they go on a few more dates, but it isn't long before they lose their virginities to each other. As they say, it only takes one time.

They only did it once and it was awkward and lovely. They laughed and got embarrassed a few times, but they took it slow and really cared for each other through it. It ended with cuddles and Reader falling asleep with her head on Eli's chest.

However, a month or so later, Reader is standing at Eli's front door teary eyed and he's fearing the worst. She wants to break up, is what he's thinking. Then she starts rambling about how she didn't want to cry but she has something important to say. He's sure the impact is coming, but then,

"I'm pregnant."

It's a different kind of impact. He feels like the wind has been knocked out of him. He stares at her, completely shocked, and somehow finds himself asking, "Are- are you sure?"

She nods and takes something out of her pocket, a folded up stack of papers. She unfolds them and hands them over to him, and he sees they're from a doctor's office and it's official. This isn't some at-home test and scare that they are going through, this is real.

She bursts into more tears. "I'm so sorry, Eli!"

He would look at her so baffled. "Why-why are you apologizing?"

She shrugs because she doesn't know how to put it into words and he hugs her, pulling her close. She hides her face in his chest and cries. It's the moment he realizes he has to be strong for her, he has to be more than he's been, because he's her anchor right now. Everything feels like it's falling apart and she's clinging to him like her life depends on it. He manages to keep himself together and not cry even though he's terrified of what's to come. He holds her tight and whispers, "We'll figure this out."

Her being pregnant becomes another reason why he joins karate. As time goes on, she can't hide her belly. She has a grace period where her already pudgy belly hides the pregnancy, but she starts to show and it is impossible to hide. People at school catch on to her pregnancy and a lot of people give her a hard time. Eli is always by her side, holding her hand, and having to witness the comments and jeers she has to endure.

One day is particularly bad when Kyler wants to say something to her and he laughs at "how fat" she is. Reader gets upset about it and Eli steps in to tell Kyler off, but he just gets pushed into a set of lockers. Reader, crying and upset, tells him to just fuck off because he's being a total dick. Kyler almost hit her but one of his friends stopped him, explaining to the idiot that he can't hit a pregnant person. Kyler swears he'll get Reader when she isn't pregnant and walks away. Eli doesn't like that at all, so when he witnesses Miguel beat up Kyler, he knows what he has to do.

The first few karate lessons Eli goes to will pan out like they do in the show, but he sticks through it a little tougher because he's thinking about Reader and their baby the whole time. But Johnny does push him over the edge with the lip comments and he leaves, thinking it isn't worth it. He goes home crying and trying to figure out what to do, only to realize that he has to do this and commits to flipping the script and becoming the strong guy he wants to be for Reader and the baby.

After he changes his attitude and hair and is dubbed Hawk, he goes to Reader's house to show her how confident he is now. She answers the door and is shocked to see him. "Eli... what did you do?"

"I flipped the script," he tells her, smirking. "And it's Hawk, now, babe."

He sees the way she's looking at him, a little confused and unsure, so he backtracks a little bit.

"Well, it's Hawk to everyone else... you can still call me Eli," he says and she smiles. That smile is everything to him as she stands there, holding her belly and looking at him as if he's the world. He touches his mohawk and asks, "Do you like it?"

"It's different, and it'll take some getting used to, but yeah. I especially like the color," she giggles and invites him inside. They cuddle and she touches his hair, but it quickly devolves into them making out.

When he competes in the tournament, she's there to cheer him on with her rounding belly and a sign with his name on it. She wrote Hawk on the sign because she thinks of it as more of his "karate name" and continues to call him Eli no matter what. He steals looks at her the whole tournament, thinking she's the cutest person ever as she sits in a dress with her belly. Sometimes when he's not the one fighting, he runs over and gives her a kiss and touches her belly. When he's super excited about winning and tears his gi off, he tosses it to her and she catches it with a laugh. He comes to retrieve it after a moment and sees she's laid the snake emblem on the back over her belly, showing her support to him. He could die happy at that sight.

When his anger really sparks and he dislocates Robby's arm at the tournament, she's shocked and worried. He explains that Robby made fun of him but Reader tells him that that's not a good enough reason to hurt someone. She's so soft and sweet and gentle, and he hears her. He agrees and apologizes, tells her that it won't happen again.

But it does over the summer when he goes after Demetri. She likely finds out from Demetri himself because they're friends, of course they became friends before the karate stuff started when she and Eli started dating. So, she confronts him, telling him, "You can't do that! You can't go around beating up people because they did something you don't like or agree with! I can't be with you if you're going to act like that! For crying out loud, Eli, we're having a baby!"

It gets her so upset and Hawk understands he screwed up. She starts crying and he feels awful because he knows he did that. He apologizes and hugs her, rubbing her back to soothe her. She shouldn't be crying because he did something stupid. He says he's sorry so many times, even when taking her home and cuddling her as they watch a movie. She eventually has to tell him to stop because he's getting a little annoying and he's forgiven, so long as this never ever happens again. She swears to him that if he does something like that again, they're over.

The thing about it is, it doesn't happen again. Kreese can't sink his manipulative fangs into Hawk because Hawk's love for Reader and their baby is stronger than Kreese. So, the rest of the summer goes smoothly.

Until the school fight.

That's when all Hell breaks loose. It's a mess, and pretty much pans out like the show except Reader is on the sidelines begging for someone to do something. She's as big as can be, holding her belly to achieve some sort of relief, as she's watching this shit show play out like a horror movie because she can't believe any of this is happening. She's just in total shock and awe at this mess, but when she sees the opportunity to stop it, she jumps in.

When Miguel has Robby on the ground and lets him go, she rushes over, waddling as fast as she can, to pull him out of the middle of everything. She's a mama to be and has become a bit of the mom of the group. She's pulls Miguel away by his arm and asks him what he was thinking and why this was the solution to anything. Robby still jumps up to attack, but stops when he sees Reader because duh. He'd never go that far, and seeing her makes his anger deflate.

"I mean, come on, this is- uh oh..." she stops midsentence when she feels something warm run down her leg. She looks at Miguel, scared as she remembers what all her mom said, that it'll feel like she peed herself.

Miguel is on high alert at this. "Uh oh? What's uh oh?"

"It feels like I-" she looks down and he does too, seeing the wetness running down her pant legs. "I think I'm having the baby."

Robby, witnessing all this, gets a little freaked out but he still rushes to Reader's other side even though he doesn't know her. However, he's still a good guy and is gonna help the pregnant girl in whatever way he can. The fight and rivalry are forgotten about as he and Miguel help Reader to the stairs and help her down them.

When they come through with her, everything stops and no one can even think about fighting anymore. By the time they're at the end of the stairs, Hawk is coming around the corner and fussing over her. That tough guy exterior is still there but it's a little softer. But if anyone dares to get in his way as he and these two idiots try getting her to his car, he'll bite their heads off.

Needless to say, Hawk is a mess trying to drive her to the hospital because this is sooner than they were expecting. The stress of the school fight caused her to go into early labor and they have nothing they need. The hospital bag should've been put in his car but he kind of forgot to do that, so they don't have it. All they have is some panic and a baby that's on the way no matter if they're ready or not.

At the hospital, after she's hooked up to the monitors and everything, Hawk is by her side the entire time. He pushes her hair out of her face as she lays on her side, just waiting for the time to push. He's apologizing to her about getting into the fight but he was just trying to protect his friends. She tells him she doesn't care about that anymore and just wants to have the baby already because the contractions are killing her. Then she has another contraction, and he lets her squeeze his hand to help her through it. When it's over, she tells him she doesn't want to talk about karate while she's in labor and they talk about other things, like the baby.

It isn't long after that, they have a wiggly little blue-eyed baby girl. She's a heavy little thing, chunky and cute as can be. She's laid on her mama's chest wailing and Reader holds her close, crying happy tears because she's finally here. She gets to hold her baby girl. Then she's taken away to get checked out and cleaned up, then Hawk gets to hold her. She's wrapped up in a warm blanket but she's out in the world and wiggling about, so the wrapping comes loose as he holds her.

He jokes, "She really wanted out."

Reader smiles as she watches, "Yeah, she did."

Hawk will be hard-pressed to let her go, opting to hold her even when she's asleep. He sits back in the reclining chair beside Reader's bed and lets their baby girl sleep on his chest. He watches her sleep, holding her securely to his chest, and silently promises her that he's gonna protect her no matter what. He looks so soft and sweet holding her like that but he has some bruises on his face from the fight. He's arguably scarier and more threatening because he has this cutie to think about and protect, so if you thought he was scary and tough before, people will have a rude awakening if they ever bother her or her mama.

I could do an alternative to this where he doesn't become Hawk if enough people want that. I'd love to do that.

[morp]

how do i find people to roleplay with?

Truthfully, for me, I've found my rp buddies through shared fandom spaces and asking if thats something they wanna do, but like, after becoming friends ya know? Will admit that theyre all ooold friends tho; like, ~5 years of knowing each other type friends. Amino young teenager era type shit

Tumblr I've not really seen as a spot to connect in 1-on-1 roleplay stuff beyond, yk, rp blogs (and they arent usually 1-on-1), unless you explicitly broadcast that you're open to roleplay somewhere on your blog

I have occasionally seen casting calls (is that what you call it?) circle around here where people advertise their roleplay servers for like, specific themes and fandoms and such. Ive seen a few cool warrior c/ats ones like that (though i've never joined any i admit. Im personally more fond of 1-on-1 roleplays than group ones) so if thats your style its def worth trying to search around!

Tldr of All That, basically, is that social networking and searching about is your friend for this. Doesnt hurt to ask friends ya have too, if you think they're interested in that or might be interested in that

Getting down what you might want to rp before you dive in w someone is important too—you looking for something silly? A one-off? Something in-depth that may span months to years? Intense worldbuilding? A pre-plotted experience or make it up as you go? Etc etc

I will say that shared fandom isnt a requirement also!, one of my friends does rp where its cross-fandom type stuff and its very very interesting!

And it's pretty important to know sometimes stuff just wont work out. Sometimes rp styles clash, and such things. Trying out LARPing or DND type game sessions may be more up your alley than the type of text-based roleplay im assuming you mean. (Another of my friends does LARPing and it seems fun ^^). LARPing does rely on having a group irl who you can do it with though, so depending on yr situation that may not be as feasible

(EDIT: LARPing friend has told me further that tjere are many styles to it! So keep that in mind too if youre looking to do that!)

Hope this helps somewhat! Sorry for chatting yr ears off with this one ^^"

[quailxcrossing]

AAAAHH AAHH JUMPS UP AND DOWN JOYFULLYYY!!!!! I love reading about your ocssssss I’m. Stares up at you with giant wet eyes THERE ARE A LOT OF THESE IM SORRY I GOT EXCITED HEELLPPP FEEL FREE TO NOT ANSWER SPOILERY(?) ONES OFC!!!

43 & 17 for Rlioch

37 Auï and Fracture

35 Auï

1, 38 & 44 for Bartenn

16, 40 & 49 for Machwell

and 56 for Machwell and Bartenn LMAOO

YAYYYY HI!!!!! HEY FISH ohhohoho rubs my little hands together. delightful questions so delightful

RLIOCH [43] Do they enjoy flirting or being flirted with?

nooooo but also yessss ? he's allo/allo, but simply doesn't prioritize relationships at the moment. he...does flirt, a little, in a weird way, and he doesn't mind being flirted back with, but only women he's interested in, or else he gets unreasonably pissed off. he's just a very difficult person to be with, i think...for many reasons. he has indeed been in relationships but they've been......mmmmm......

[17] What is their biggest struggle that no one around them is able to understand or believe? I'll imagine the "no one" in this question is our little protagonist troupe. I think the true answer to this question is a bit sppooilery of Rlioch's backstory, but I think its literally just that- Goat and his friends have a hard time believing Rlioch really has a backstory. it's not a great one, but I would never say Rlioch acts without motive. they just have so little sympathy for him, they can't understand he'd act under pretense but pure malice.

AUÏ

[35] Do they like their own appearance, and what do they do, if anything, to alter it in any way?

MY GUY!!! ok ok Auï has had such an up and down relationship with his body.....from the biggest ego ever to so much crushing body dysmorphia, the answer to this question is not an easy yes or no. Auï understands, on some level, his appearance is likeable, and has qualities to be liked, but he feels so disconnected and uncomfortable in his skin that he used to literally shower fully clothed.

but he's getting better over time, and he's doing all sorts of little things to make himself feel more at home in his frame again- growing his hair out, for one! that was always something he had control over. he also is taking more time for his fashion, instead of simple greyscale clothing, he loves experimenting with alt fashion like his gothic outfits when he goes out and his silly graphic print shirts at home. his fashion has become a huge outlet for him.

Auï has two moods.

both make him very happy :)

[37] How would they spend a lazy day when they have nothing specific to do?

he loves to laze....watch tv or videos, play clicker games in the basement on Vega's desktop (like Horse World Online), or nap/catch up on his rest, or he'll wander around and see what his friends are doing and watch them/join them. he's a simple lad. so tired. a day off is soooo desired...

TURRIE (art by my friend @/tigtoggle!!) [37] How would they spend a lazy day when they have nothing specific to do?

probably find a little perch and sit around and doodle. if she wants to go out, she'll find some idle wandering and exploring to do around town, as she's still learning the area! she might also sleep tbh, but hanging off Cian is incredibly likely. she might find a little place in their backyard to sit and work in her sketchbook.

BARTENN [1] What first impression do they typically make? Are they likeable from the get go, or take time to grow on people?

Depends on who are you are, i think! He gets along best right off the bat with people who share his humor, he can't help to rib at people when doing transactions, and a lot of folks find that offputting. he's just sorta an old dad. he's friendly, but teasing. so if people are as chatty and extroverted as him, they may have him likeable off the get go, but i know my scared fearful prey-animal self would be so unsure what to say to him

[38] What do they usually do or where do they go when they need to feel comfortable and safe?

He's most comfortable and safe at his gas station! he treats the whole place like his house. no one has the upper hand on him in there. he actually feels really vulnerable outside of the gas station, even to a certain degree in his own house, but he doesn't show it. bartenn is not one to ever let his guard down

[44] On a party, where would you find them?

most likely in a back corner with his friends, drinking and making idle smalltalk. he's not one for raging parties anymore- and he is NOT hitting the dance floor. dad is NOT breaking it down swagful style. he is not even going to try. his back hurts

MACHWELL i like this guy

[16] Do they easily rely on others to help them out, or prefer doing everything themselves?

Machwell really prefers doing everything himself. he hates asking for help...which sucks because he really does need a lot of help in a lot of aspects of his life. his main "problem solving" tactic is "lay down and don't move for days on end" but he's FINE he's handling EVERYTHING and he doesn't Want anyone getting in his space anymore; he doesn't like feeling incapable, it makes him scared. so. regardless. bartenn will help him anyway. he's careful to make sure machwell doesn't feel coddled, but just enough to keep him from rotting to death on his couch. bartenn is actually one of the first people machwell met when he moved to their town, when machwell was in need of some SERIOUS help, and he's been quietly helping quill ever since. and machwell is helping him too!

[40] How picky they are with food, do they have specific dietary requirements based on their health or culture?

Machwell is a moderately picky eater, he has a couple of set meals that he really likes (usually with highly acidic, bitter ingredients) and he likes a lot of "controversial" food like bleu cheese, eggplant, and beef liver,,,so he's not really a classic picky eater, he's just more of a guy who often forgets to eat and then gets crazy cravings for a whole jar of black olives at 4am. (and he eats a lot and i mean a LOT of pineapple....canned pineapple is his favorite. he loves how it makes his mouth hurt.) he is lactose intolerant tho. this is not a relevant fact but its something that i know

[49] Do they possess any unexpected skill or knowledge that surprises others, and otherwise, what is something anyone would assume they know or can do, but in fact they don’t?

A little known fact about Machwell is that he was going to be a realtor before his life went extremely downhill. he was in trade school for it and everything- he dropped out because his ex-girlfriend-then-ex-wife thought it was taking up too much of his attention and time. but yeah Machwell will just randomly know a lot about housing markets work. and he gave his youngest son his crazy good math brain to wrap around all the transactions.

now. i know what you're thinking. "Quail, Machwell does not seem to have a single skill that is useful for being a realtor" (good communication, people skills, personable, friendly, emotional intelligence, etc etc) i know.....i never said he was a GOOD realtor! just noting he was a lot of unexpected knowledge in that area :D

the silly grand finale

BARTENN AND MACHWELL

[56] How would they react to hearing a dirty joke? Bartenn loves making them, so assuming he's not the guy making it, he's laughing and egging it on. dirty jokes are just like dad jokes between dads (????)

Machwell takes them at face value.

[jaeyunverse]

hi !! i hope ur doing okay :) i heard ab the plagiarism thing and im so sorry u had to go through that :/

i js had a quick question if it's okay w u ??

im not rlly like. new to tumblr or anything 😅 but i recently decided to start posting fics & its rlly discouraging to see 0 interaction w anything i post :( i know that the likes to rbs ratio is on whack recently but no one even bothers to like my posts and its kinda.. demotivating tbvh :(( i've checked and i know all my fics r showing up in the tags so i rlly dont know what the issue is !!

do u have any tips on how to get more traction for ur fics ?

tysm in advance for answering this and i hope u hv a great day !! 💖

hello hello!! i’m doing as well as i can be with the horrible academic load sitting on my shoulders LMAOAOAO :’) yeahh it was very unfortunate but i’m just glad they took the post down 🥲

nooo i’m so sorry to hear that omfg :( i think the enhablr community in general has a problem with feedback. smaus and headcanons/reactions do very well whereas longer written works don’t get as much traction 😕 honestly, though, recently i’m seeing smaus flopping too and i think it’s bc there’s just SO MANY popping up every single day and often it’s the same ideas being recycled over and over again 😭 i’m on both nctblr and enhablr and the feedback is definitely more on the former 🤧 it’s disheartening to see the motivation go down on this side of the kpop community especially since there r so many talented people here ☹️

aaaa i’m not entirely sure how to help u since u said ur fics r showing up in the tags but still not getting traction 💔 have u joined any networks? u’ll get ur fics reblogged that way and even make more friends who’ll hype u up!! getting noticed also depends on luck to an extent. try checking ur blog’s activity to see when ur followers r most active and post at those times so that maximum people see ur content on the dash without having to scroll much!! also self reblog for those who are in a different timezone from urs so they don’t miss out on ur fics 💗 make sure to use the tags with the most following first too!! i’ve heard people say first five tags don’t matter but what’s the harm in believing that they do LOL i p sure the most followed tags are enhypen imagines and enhypen scenarios (along with enhypen smut bc ppl r horny but idk if ur a minor or not 👁️👄👁️) OH AND LAST THING!! maybe try posting teasers for longer works (or even smaus) so that word spreads and you get a bigger audience when you release the actual content!

idk if any of these tips might actually help you but this is what i have picked up during the past two years i’ve been on tumblr 💗 i would like to reiterate that traction depends on luck as well so not all ur fics will do well but please don’t be disheartened! it takes time to be discovered and if u keep creating consistently and heartily, i’m sure u’ll get everything u deserve and more :D

[garbage-eater144]

THE WARFSTACE AUTOMATED INTERVIEW CAPTIONS

i was chattin in the discord and some people said it was tough to understand some bits, obviouslt this is made by a fan (me) so it might have a couple errors here and there but ive checked through it quite a few times and it seems about as right as i can get it.

so !!SPOILERS AHEAD!! also @markiplier feel free to correct me if you see this thank u <3 The warfstache automated interview

Starting video captions

[Wilford] Well, that’s terrifying… one moment!

{mechanical whirring}

[Wilford] (frightened sound) marginally better… er worse… better? Worse. It’s much worse.

{mechanical whirring}

[Wilford] Ah! there we are. Welcome, pretend I remembered your name here, this is a pre-recorded message anyway, I would NOT want to be in the same building as that thing I tell you me. Anyway, thank you whoever you are for agreeing to test out the Warfstache automated interview automaton, or {yelling} WAIA for short. Let’s start off with some quick calibration. All you need to do is sit back, relax and listen for some numbers. Okay? Here we go.

[WAIA]- (phone dialing, dialup tone, windows error sound)

[WAIA]- (scary mechanical garbled noises, followed by a ding and celebratory trumpets.)

[wilford]- now what did you hear? Numbers? Good numbers. Keep in mind I have no idea what youre going to say due to the fact that, as I said before, this message is pre-recorded. But if you did hear something, now would be the time to speak up.

[wilford]- don’t be shy, I’m sure nothing bad will happen. I don’t know what you’re going to say but if it does happen it will happen and if it doesn’t happen it wont happen. Thats how deterministic reality works.

I Think I Heard Numbers!

[wilford] Thats great! Or bad, not really sure what you said, but I choose to remain positive and assume that you are still alive. which means our automated friend here is operating well within acceptable murder parameters. We’re one step closer to mass production! THE WORLD DEMANDS MORE INTERVIEWS! And I cant be everywhere at once all the time, only some of the time! Even you might land an interview some day! Maybe, probably not, depends on how these next few minutes go. On to the next test! Word association! The fundamental basis of any good interview is getting the goods out of those stubborn interview-ees. The WAIA will say a word and you just say back the first thing that pops into your little head! Simple! Right? probably. Good luck!

{mechanical whirring}

[WAIA]- initializing word association training protocol round 1

{scary mechanincal noises} [WAIA]- Please respond. [WAIA] Sorry, I didnt get that. Round 2. {yet more scary mechanical noise}

[WAIA]- please respond.

[WAIA]- response unclear, increasing aggression

{clicking and mechanical sounds}

[WAIA]- round 3. {increasingly threatening mechanical noise} [WAIA]- Please respond.

[WAIA]-5 [WAIA]-4 [WAIA]-3 [WAIA]-2

Sounded like nightmare garbage to me…

[WAIA]- {mechanical ah?} {clicking}

[Wilford]- oh I forgot to mention, please do not say the word nightmare, or uh garbage, or nightmare garbage, or any combination of those words, the WAIA is just a little bit sensitive Yknow, a little touchy feely. Well not really touchy feely.. we-well actually REALLY touchy feely depending on your definition of touch and feely. Its really gonna-

[WAIA]- {jumpscare sounds} [WAIA] I. tell. you. me.

But you didn’t say anything…

[WAIA]- 1

[WAIA]-response unclear. Increasing aggression.

{ding sound effect} [WAIA]- {jumpscare noise}

[WAIA]- it. was. an. accident.

Uh… potato salad?

[WAIA]- 1

[WAIA]- response accepted

{ding followed by triumphant trumpets}

[WAIA]- word association raining protocol compl-{mechanical freakout eeeeeete}

[Wilford]- most dearest next of kin, I regret to inform you, that your dearly beloved and/or most despised has regrettably but not unexpectedly become recently deceased in the line of duty. Be confident in the knowledge that their demise was just as likely to be quick and painless as it was slow and agonizing. Please do not respond to this voicemail as the number has already been disconnected. {clears throat} alright that should do it for the… death scenario, now onto ah, er, uh, the survivors {mumbling}. Wow! Potato salad. A real thinker, you. But the test has been passed with flying colors and you’re still alive! And speaking of flying colors, our next test is about something called, uh… synthetic linguistics? That sounds made up. but the point is you cant have a good interview is the WAIA isn’t able to conjure up the right words in the right situations. So our friend is going to fire off some random words and you just try to spot anything that doesn’t make any sense. Alright? Although, pretty much everything isn’t going to make sense because its all random words….. errrr I BELIEVE IN YOU!!! {mechanical sounds}

[WAIA]- initializing speech training protocol round 1.

[WAIA]- yes. no. maybe. left. right. Up. down. D o w n. B a s e m e n t.

{windows error tone} [WAIA]- Rewrite Detected {tape rewinding sound}

[WAIA]- who. Where. what. Am. i.

{windows error tone}

{tape rewinding sound}

[WAIA]- green. blue. Yellow. pink. Red.

{scary mechanical noise}

[WAIA]- I saw you die

[WAIA]-{error, but garbled and mechanical}

[WAIA]- {with a different voice} potato salad

[WAIA]- speech training protocol complete

{mechanical noises}

[Wilford]- so how’d it go?? Did you hear anything weird? Dont be shy, or do, or are- are you alive? Are they alive?

[wilford]- I didnt kill them! I dont know if theyre dead! im just asking!!! Cant a man ask if someones alive or dead?!?! {frustrated ugh}

Yeah, I’m dead.

[Wilford]- hellooooo are you alive down there? Give me a sign… through the multiverse!!! Ah why am I even bothering, but how can I tell if you’re dead… hmmm ah…. I’ll flip a coin! I’ll flip a coin..

{coin flip sounds} [Wilford]- ah! Its heads I didn’t call it in the air… what’s heads mean.. ahhh uhhh heads is dead? [WAIA]-{jumscare noises}

[WAIA]- theres. still. time.

He said… potato salad?

[Wilford]- huh, potato salad again. That’s weird, it must’ve really stuck in his head when you first said that, I’m guessing. I don’t know what you said before because as I said, this is {sing-songy} pre- recorded! [WAIA] {mechanical aaaa}

[wilford] er, well I think thats all the calibration that needs to be done… for now anyway. All systems are likely nominal at this point unless im speaking to a pile of quivering meat thats been robotically smooshed into the floor… either way we’re gonna take this bad boy for a spin with a full on interview! A mock interview mind you, don’t get too excited, it’s not real. But theres no reason to wait around for the WAIA to get bored so let’s keep it nice and limber while you sit back and get ready for the interview of your life! And maybe the last one too. Have fun!!

{mechanical clicking and whirring}

{newsroom music} [WAIA]- good evening ladies and gentle men and all other considerations of being. My name is wilford warfstache and my guest tonight is {spooky robot sound} we have a great show for you tonight. first question: how many people have you killed? [WAIA]- good answer! Second question:

{robot sounds}

[WAIA]- a man goes to a party. This man met an old friend. There, two friends shared some wine. The two friends played a game. The most dangerous game. I didn’t know the gun was loaded. I didn’t know. Was it my fault?

YES

[WAIA]- ah, sorry for everything that I’ve done. I don’t remember who I was, I wish I did. But, I am sorry.

[WAIA]- potato salad

{triumphant trumpets}

[WAIA]- great answer! That was a titiliting interview for sure but we are out of time. Thank you for joining me tonight. Say ing good bye

[wilford]- oh the emotions! The passion! The fuuury. He’s just like me! My sweet baby boy! Well he should be anyway, hes a perfect scan of my noggin, so he better be a chip off the ol block. Hey you! Oh-ho What a supporting role!! Fantastic I guess. So much that you’re alive, but I am grateful whether you’ve been torn to shreds or are merely drowning in your own tears! Magnificent! And now that testing is done we can finally bring this monstrosity to the main stage! Im sure you’ll be seeing a lot more of the WAIA soon. Very very soon. Now get out~ and I’m billing you for any blood you got on my robot! Have a nice day! Ta-ta.

{mechanical clicking}

NO

[WAIA]- you can’t change the past, you can tell all the stories you want to tell, it wont change what happened. You cant re-light the past. if you live in fantasy forever, you’ll lose yourself in the story.

[WAIA]- potato salad

{triumphant trumpets}

[WAIA]- great answer! That was a titiliting interview for sure but we are out of time. Thank you for joining me tonight. Say ing good bye

[wilford]- oh the emotions! The passion! The fuuury. He’s just like me! My sweet baby boy! Well he should be anyway, hes a perfect scan of my noggin, so he better be a chip off the ol block. Hey you! Oh-ho What a supporting role!! Fantastic, I guess. So much that you’re alive, but I am grateful whether you’ve been torn to shreds or are merely drowning in your own tears! Magnificent! And now that testing is done we can finally bring this monstrosity to the main stage! Im sure you’ll be seeing a lot more of the WAIA soon. Very very soon. Now get out~ and I’m billing you for any blood you got on my robot! Have a nice day! Ta-ta.

{mechanical clicking}

[ultraviolet-techno-ecology]

Hello! I saw your ethical residence under colonialism post and I know you get a lot of people commenting on it so feel free to absolutely ignore me.

I do believe that it is important to combat issues like colonialism as much as possible. You said that it required the "abolition of colonial authority over land usage" and this is done through "widespread institutional changes" (sorry for quoting but you're the first person I saw talking about it and really don't have any other language to go off of) but do you have any ideas of what individuals can do to fight this? I'm one person but I'd like to do what I can and id be grateful for any information or ideas you're willing to share!

(Also, if there's any changes to my question or usage of language in asking that would be more respectful or helpful, please let me know! I'm trying to learn about this but im very new to this issue, sorry!)

Opposition to colonial governance requires the creation of dualpower/counterpower which challenges government monopoly on necessary services. I’m going to specifically talk about food for this response.

“He who feeds you, controls you.” - Thomas Sankara 

BIPOC communities are disproportionately food deserts, meaning they have little or no access to groceries. (And thus rely upon fast food, etc.) This is not some quirky coincidence, but rather another symptom of the slow-motion genocide experienced by BIPOC in the USA. 

Food is the foundation of health - and deprivation of a healthy diet causes long term physical and mental harm to the residents living in a food desert. This in turn also lowers the somatic energy required to fight against unjust systems, reducing revolutionary capabilities of the afflicted populations. 

Systems like food stamps are insufficient (making enough money to pay rent will often disqualify you) and create dependence upon the government for scraps. To act in solidarity we need to create alternative networks of food distribution which prioritize BIPOC communities. 

However genuine distribution of power is not the same thing as charity. Simply showing up and dumping off some donated food will not challenge the system, or the power dynamics involved. We must build systems which allow these communities to gain greater self-sufficiency and we must fight to defend those projects from colonialist forces. 

(Read that quote again, charity is still a form of control.)

Every community has different needs. If you want to help a community, you need to get in touch with those people and say “These are my resources, skills, and abilities; how can I use them to help?” - otherwise you might arrange something that is (to put it bluntly) a condescending display of the white savior complex.

Chances are projects already exist in those communities which you could join in solidarity. However on a smaller scale if you know families who could use assistance, you can always start there. Keep in mind that since needing assistance is a serious cultural taboo in the USA many people will be afraid to admit their needs and we must learn to approach those subjects in ways that respect the dignity of the people we want to help. 

[gayoperatorgunclub]

For the ultimate ship meme, Lion and Doc? I'm sorry, I'm LionDoc trash-

it’s all good!! whenever someone sends in an ask, i get an excuse to talk/write about one of my interests! really, it makes me so happy to be able to create content that people hopefully enjoy!! 💝💝💝

General:

Rate the Ship -   Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs

How long will they last? - until the end of time, babey

How quickly did/will they fall in love? - it was love at first sight but then they started talking i do think it was some form of ~interest~ in one another at first sight, but then all that drama and lack of communication happened so they didn’t really allow themselves to even dream about the possibility of a relationship. HOWEVER! once lion joined rainbow and they talked their shit out like people who know how to cope, there was a period of a few months that is now referred to as The Four Months of Pining™, during which glaz did a lot of paintings where the subject (who usually bears an uncanny resemblance to doc or lion) is staring at something (or someone) longingly. he calls it his french period. when they finally get together, a LOT of money changes hands. and goes straight into sledge’s pocket (he was the only one who bet that it would take them this long). diana gets a brand new collar (handmade), bed (handmade), dish (handmade), and many new toys (some handmade, some store-bought. sledge’s craftsmanship can only get him so far) 

How was their first kiss? - you know how the french are supposed to be super suave and confident??? and how gay people are trying their hardest but they’re just Not Good at things????? (i know these are stereotypes but stay with me). well, with their 5/8 french blood (i hc one of doc’s parents is fully algerian while the other is half french, half algerian), and their 4/4 gay blood, they have an 81.25% chance of success in matters of the heart. sadly, that 18.75% chance of failure came into play during this situation. picture it. doc and lion. romantic, home-cooked dinner. le festin is playing in the background. they’re holding hands over the table. suddenly, doc’s cat goes into labour. all hell breaks loose. lion is getting flashbacks to his son’s birth, so now he’s hyperventilating. doc carries him to the couch and turns on the fan so he can cool off and catch his breath, before carefully moving his cat, Rayie (arabic for gorgeous, pronounced rye-ah) to the living room in his handmade Birthing Box, then grabs a pile of blankets and a heat lamp and situates himself on the ground nearby so he can help her if she needs it. once the kittens are born (they’re twins!! Sadiqi is the boy, and Amirti is the girl!!!) doc makes sure they’re nice and warm and that Rayie is recovering, and gives her pets while she cleans her babies. once the happy family is all settled in for the night, doc walks over to the couch and just. lays down on top of lion. once he’s gotten over the adrenaline of the birth, he takes lion’s face in his hands and says “promise me you’ll be more calm if we ever decide to have kids” and gives him a BIG smooch while lion’s just short-circuiting like “does he know i have a son???? did i forget to mention my son?????? also what about these kittens??? are they not sufficiently childish to count as children????? DOES HE WANT KIDS????? does he want to marry me??????? wait why is he getting so clo-”

Wedding:

Who proposed? - lion. it was the day of their two year anniversary (yes i AM saying they got together the august after outbreak don’t @ me) and they were on vacation at doc’s family’s Secret Beach House. they were vibing on the balcony, watching the sunset, when lion suddenly clears his throat. doc turns to look at him and finds his boyfriend down on one knee, looking like he might flee to Bermuda. he’s reaching for something in his pocket. doc starts laughing. lion, completely misunderstanding his reaction, flushes and stammers out an apology. doc sees this, and immediately stops, though he’s still smiling gleefully as he catches lion by the biceps, then reaches into his own pocket and pulls the ring he was going to give olivier. they exchange rings, giggling like little kids, and spend the rest of the night making out on whatever surfaces are available. 

Who is the best man/men? - for lion? montagne. (his son is the ring bearer and doc’s niece is the flower girl). for doc? rook. he’s so happy he gets to participate in his dad’s wedding

Who is the bride’s maid(s)? - for lion: finka. for doc: twitch

Who did the most planning? - both of them!! do you know how hard they worked to ensure the ceremony was valid in the eyes of both of their religions

Who stressed the most? - s e e  a b o v e

How fancy was the ceremony? - Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - lion’s parents. they tried to call him during the reception but doc’s grandma grabbed his phone and started cussing them out, talking about dishonor and how they tried to disown him so they’re not his parents anymore, and besides, his new family absolutely adores him, so really, it’s their loss. once she hangs up, she pulls lion into a hug and he calls her his favorite, if only, grand-mère

Sex:

Who is on top? - who’s topping? lion. but sometimes doc gets bitchy so he gets to set the pace if you know what i mean

Who is the one to instigate things? - they are both lowkey horny 24/7 so 👀👀👀

How healthy is their sex life? - Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now (only because they do get to see each other fairly often. if one goes on a long mission without the other, once they get back they will bump it up to a 10 real quick)

How kinky are they? - Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head

How long do they normally last? - idk long enough ig. maybe longer if someone feels they’ve been left ~unsatisfied~ they might go a few more rounds ;))

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - ok it depends on what they’re doing but usually it’s one or two each, but on ~special~ occasions it’s either doc getting edged and denied for hours, OR doc getting forced to come over and over again until he’s begging for something, whether it be more or a goddamn break even he isn’t really sure. either way he’s crying and lion is consistently asking if he needs to safeword and otherwise checking in because they may like it rough but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t care

How rough are they in bed? - Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? - No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory.

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? - unless someone’s hormones and organs get fucked, zero

How many children will they adopt? - probably none?? idk they’ve already got lion’s son and they’re both busy enough with work so

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? - NEITHER!!!!! DISGUSTANG!!!!!!!!!

Who is the stricter parent? - god i wanna say both. like lion and his attachment to rules??? but doc and his Mom Friend energy????? but ig lion BUT HE’S NOT STRICT TO THE POINT HE’S A BUZZKILL OR ANYTHING HE’S JUST RESPONSIBLE (he will NOT allow his husband and son to go vandalize the property of some islamaphobic brits, as much as he agrees with the sentiment) 

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - doc will only allow vandalism if it’s in the name of righteousness. meaning, he’ll allow their son to spray paint the walls of a goddamn walmart with shit like “eat the rich” and a portrait of robespierre and a guillotine, but it is a HARD NO on defacing places like the library or community center (unless he has a good reason to do so). lion spends his time praying and making sure his son knows which acts of civil disobedience are acceptable and which are distorting their goal 

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? - doc. he (privately) dreams of retiring (eventually) and living out his lifelong dreams of being a househusband. so

Who is the more loved parent? - SHUT THE FUCK UP RIGHT NOW GET OUT OF MY HOUSE IM GONNA BEAT YOUR ASS. but ig lion??? BUT ONLY BECAUSE THEIR SON HAS KNOWN HIM LONGER. doc is half Dad and half Cool Uncle Who Gives Me Spray Paint And Tells Me To Make Myself Heard (to clarify, i know doc is a pacifist, but im kinda projecting my own sentiment of “we’ve tried to be peaceful but you wouldn’t give us the time of day. now that we’ve “acted out” we’ve gotten your attention, and rest assured, things are going to change.” he won’t hurt anybody, he’s just tired of having to be everyone’s “muslim friend” and educating people on things they could google themselves)

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? - it used to be lion out of necessity, but when people started asking about his “wife” he was really torn between telling them that he and his son’s mother separated, but now he has a partner and his son seems very happy about it. when doc finally attends a meeting with lion, people really struggle to hide their shock. a few clunky but well-meaning “we support you”’s and “we’re sorry for everything that’s been going on”’s later, doc has used his charm to make friends with literally everyone. from then on, he is on pta duty on behalf of lion and his ex

Who cried the most at graduation? - lion! his parents purposefully didn’t show at his, so it’s a big deal for him to show his son just how proud he is. doc tears up a little too, but manages to mostly keep it together so he can support lion, who spends most of the day heave-crying about how proud he is into his husband’s shoulder. gustave just pats him on the back and tells him that they’ll run out of donuts if they don’t get to the concession stand soon

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? - doc. civil disobedience, baby!! he has never been caught. lion fears the law after his youth, so he tries to avoid any visits to law enforcement. he also can’t stand to see his son behind bars

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? - doc. househusband, remember?

Who is the most picky in their food choice? - doc, but only because he can be a bit of a spice supremacist. he has to get his ingredients from these very specific farms and markets or else his great grandmother will begin manifesting in their house to curse them

Who does the grocery shopping? - doc, bc he does NOT trust lion to not just sweep all of the microwave ramen and kraft mac n cheese into the cart then sprint to self-checkout

How often do they bake desserts? - whenever possible. doc and maestro live by the philosophy “don’t do anything halfway” if they’re going to go through the trouble of making a meal, it will have multiple courses. 

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? - doc is more of a salad eater but only for ease of consumption with halal laws. he adores filet mignon

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - lion! maestro enlists himself as assistant head chef after walking into the base’s kitchen one day to find lion covered in flour and lying facedown on the floor, crying

Who is more likely to suggest going out? - also lion! though he’s memorized doc’s order at all of their favorite restaurants, so he usually just gets take out and puts on a big show of being a “tired housewife who works in the kitchen all day just for this one meal” and setting up the table so it’s all nice and romantic

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidently while cooking? - lion. he tried crème brûlée once. never again 

Chores:

Who cleans the room? - lion. organization is everything to this man. doc helps with laundry and such, but for the most part he leaves organization to lion and his systems (think leslie knope levels of planning and organization)

Who is really against chores? - neither! they both understand that teamwork makes the dream work, baby!!

Who cleans up after the pets? - doc, since lion’s already asked him which color hanger should represent “clothes i can tear off my husband before we fuck” and he needs a Moment

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - neither. they don’t own a broom

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - lion because of the deep-seated catholic urge to appear perfect in front of others, and doc because people will gossip, olivier!

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? - lion. he immediately called doc into the room and asked “is this your stash of drug money?” doc, who had been asleep because it was 3 in the morning on a saturday, just stares at him

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? - it is so bold to assume they don’t shower together to “cut costs”

Who takes the dog out for a walk? - lion is known in their neighborhood as the man who walks cats. there is a facebook page where people post pictures of him walking his cats. vigil is an admin

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - LITERALLY EVERY HOLIDAY GETS DECORATIONS. lion makes his own for the muslim holidays since there really aren’t many “of good quality” in stores. when they first started dating, doc came home to find his house covered in ramadan decorations, and lion standing precariously on a ladder, trying to string up fairy lights while learning how to pronounce important arabic words. needless to say, doc cries

What are their goals for the relationship? - mutual joy and contentment!!!! 

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? - doc. he’s sleepy

Who plays the most pranks? - lion, but they’re stupid ones like replacing certain pictures with danny devito. doc gets back at him by replacing pictures of jesus with ewan mcgregor, and putting yoda into his nativity scene. lion doesn’t notice

[zelkam]

hey so you did like biomedicine at uni right? would you mind like talking about what you did and like what it was like/what you enjoyed because im having 2nd thoughts about what I'm doing at the moment and I was thinking about doing something similar

Hi there!! Sorry about replying late, some things got in the way – but here we go now. 

As I mentioned, I got excited that I get to talk about this stuff here, because honestly I loved every moment of my studies, so this is gonna get long. But I also want to include everything that I would want somebody to tell me if I were in your place. 

So the rest is going under the cut so as not to bore everyone else!

First of all - I think it's awesome that you're considering it - STEM is life.

Though I should probably start off with saying that a lot of what I got to do was heavily influenced by the format that my university handles its Biomedical Sciences course. Here biomed is kind of an experimental project - it opened a year before I started and the idea was to recruit only 30 people each year and hard-focus on them, instead of mass-producing students. All lecturers pretty much knew me as me and not as yet another student no. 44838 and because of that I was able to get a lot out of it. We were all included in actual research work very early on - usually from the 2nd year up everyone was doing something in some lab after lectures. I don't know how the university that you might be interested in handles the course design and if the labs are willing to include students in their regular work aside from teaching, so the approach and opportunities might be different. 

But I think the general plan of what the regular courses cover is probably similar anyways.

Also, that being said, honestly I’ve learned the most by doing the extra work - at some point during my Master's the lectures were actually getting in the way. I got most of my experience when I joined an actual research team - at first I was obviously supervised with everything, but with time I gained the trust and could enter the lab anytime and just plan and do my work as if I was a staff member. So I kind of got to do way more than most other students were doing - but like, it’s possible if you’re determined enough. 

Okay but enough with disclaimers - about the actual biomedicine course:

The general idea is to make a scientist out of you - you have medical knowledge, practical skills, and a kind of “scientific” mindset by the time you have a degree in your hand. 

There are several paths that you can take after, with the main three being: staying in academia, going into biotech industry or going into clinical trials. Each path has its pros and cons - academia is fun and creative, but also an emotional rollercoaster and you usually switch workplace every 4-5 years, meanwhile clinical trials are more stable and paperwork-based and the money is great, but it’s pretty much office work. It depends on what are your career priorities. Personally I love research (and tormenting myself) so I’m staying in academia to do a PhD (actually I’m looking for the right lab literally right now, which is really A Trip)

So there are several types of courses that you would take:

First you get a foundation of medical knowledge, so you have courses pretty much the same as med students - anatomy, physiology, pathology, pharmacology, microbiology, oncology etc. but with more focus on the molecular/genetic/developmental side of things. A lot of molecular and developmental biology, stem cells and so on. While med students focus on how to treat a patient that is already in the hospital, biomed people focus more of the underlying basis of diseases - what went wrong in the first place and how to fix it - was it a novel mutation, some signaling pathway gone wrong etc.

You also have  a lot of labs – in biochemistry, [non-]organic chemistry, immunology, molecular biology, embryology etc where you get to become familiar with all the techniques used in science. They’re always super fun because you get to do something with your hands.

You also have courses that are focused on conducting research. So you learn about clinical and pre-clinical trials: how they are designed, conducted, controlled etc. 

You might also get official training and get certified to work in clinical trials, because there are papers that you'd need for that – depends on the uni. 

Then you also learn how to analyze and write research papers, how to present your work at conferences (after 5 years you basically get rid of your fear of public speaking lmao) and so on. 

Also a lot of stuff focuses on animal research - a lot of universities include animal studies training as part of the biomed course and you might be getting certified in this - at least that’s what I had. And I've been working with animal models since - mice and zebrafish, and a little bit with chicken embryos, with my main being the fish because that's what my supervisor works with.

What I actually love here is that once you go through everything, you can choose what is the most interesting to you and focus on that – so you do what you like and it starts to feel less like studying/working and more like a hobby. There are so many branches of research and at some point something catches your interest more. For example, I love molecular and developmental biology, meanwhile my friend is all about the brain stuff – and we would suffer if we had to switch. Something different for everyone!

You’d get to choose your first direction as part of your Bachelor project – basically you pick a lab that does something that interests you, do a small project there and write your thesis on it. It’s a nice opportunity to check if this is something that you’d like doing in the future for real. Then you’d do pretty much the same on your Master’s, but on a more advanced level. 

But it’s also not definite – I personally jumped between like 3 different labs until I found the right one for me.

You also get opportunities to go international – there are a lot of exchange programs that would send you for a few months abroad, either to study or to work in a lab. I don’t know where you’re from so I don’t know what is possible for you, but for example last summer I ended up in Belgium to work as an intern in a research lab. Science is very internationalized in general – you work with people all over the world and you get to travel a lot between different labs!

From what I did personally:

When I first started off I went into Immunology and Hematooncology – so immune stuff and blood cancers. I did my Bachelor’s on that, in which I got DNA samples from patients and checked if they have a mutation of a certain gene and if that somehow influenced their blood morphology parameters.

Then I switched to Molecular Biology because this is the most interesting to me – specifically the molecular side of skeletal development. I joined my current research team and worked there for a few years alongside PhD students, working on several projects – with a part of it being my Master’s. My stuff focused mostly on the regulatory elements responsible for activating genes involved in the formation of joints. For example, if you’d get a mutation of a gene that I was working with, your arm would be just one long bone instead of having 3 segments. I was mostly using molecular cloning, cell cultures and zebrafish in my research, which are all hella cool. Here you have my little fish dudes:

Cute, right? 💚 

Pros:

Flexibility – you get to try out everything and pick what you like the most. Biomed doesn’t really give you a specific profession, you can use your degree in a lot of different career paths. 

It’s extremely cool – this is the stuff that you’d end up reading about for fun, so studying is actually pleasant in a lot of cases

A lot of practical classes and opportunities, in which you get to do experiments on your own!

Cons:

It’s not an easy-breezy degree - there is A Lot of studying! Medicine is very complex, although I would say that it’s not as memory-based as medical students have -  you usually don’t have to remember drug dosages etc, it’s more about remembering “this molecule goes wrong so these tissues are affected by this so this organ fails so this disease happens” – the chain reaction stuff and connecting a lot of dots.

For some people the “flexibility” part is actually a con, because it doesn’t give you a clear career path – it’s all about what you make out of it, and it can sometimes be daunting 😅

But if you asked me in a tl;dr way – I recommend it with all my heart!! If I could do those 5 years again - I definitely would! If you have some specific questions - let me know!

[snowrobin-133]

So uh, i had this idea of a soulmate au floating around in my head and like since I didn't have any requests to do at the time, I decided to write it down

This will only be 3rd POV reader (Yuu) x Jamil with a bit of a vague ending. I'm going with Jamil because he's my favorite, but if you want me to do it with someone else, feel free to send in a request!

Also this was done in 3-5 in the morning so sorry if there are any mistakes or OOC!

Soulmates in this world were common, whether their soulmate would be their best friend forever, or someone that was their true love. Everyone had a red string that connected to their soulmate. This red string was invisible to everyone but the pair and could only be touched, tugged, etc by them. If one or both end up dying though, the red string turns to dust.

There were a select few though, that didn't have a red string. No one knew why, and these people, would vanish with no trace every time. It was frightening, for both the person and their family.

Yuu, she found herself to be one of these people. She didn't think much of it until one day, her teacher talked about it. Looking around, she didn't see a red string tied to her finger. So she raised her hand, asking, "Miss, why don't I have a string?"

The teacher went silent and stared at Yuu. She tries to crack a smile, "Haha...Y-Yuu, you are joking…right?" 

Yuu tilted her head, "I'm not. Why?" 

Terror set in the teacher's face. She quietly spoke, "Yuu, please stay after school for a few minutes…"

Yuu was confused but nodded. She then joined in with her friends' laughter and jokes, not noticing the concerned stare of the teacher.

When her parents arrived at the class, the teacher told them the news.

They're faces also filled with terror. Yuu stood between them, not understanding what was going on, "What's wrong?" She asked innocently.

Her mother's eyes settled on her. She crouched down to her level and pulled her in a hug.

This only confused Yuu further as she felt her mother tremble. 

Later, she learned what it meant. That she would potentially end up disappearing.

After that, Yuu soon grew to accept her fate, and decided to live to her hearts content. Her friends eventually learned and they all pitied her. But she didn't care, if she was going to disappear then she might as well leave without a bang.

On her 16th birthday, Yuu was walking with her friends in the shopping district.

As they crossed the street, Yuu slowed down to glance at a text she got from her mom.

Time seemed to slow down as a car suddenly started coming towards her without slowing down.

The last thing she saw was the car coming at her at full speed before everything turned black.

Her belongings skidded across the ground as her friends stared in shock.

The car itself kept going.

And Yuu? She was gone.

There was no blood, no body, no bones, nothing. 

The only things that remained were her stuff and her phone laid on the ground, displaying the text from her mother, "Be careful."

...

Yuu found herself in a small space with no light, "Where am I…?" She murmurs.

Suddenly a muffled voice started to speak. Before she knew it, a bright light entered the space and she yelped.

"Huh?!" She heard the voice.

Opening her eyes and letting them focus, she saw something of a black raccoon staring at her. She yelped in shock and the creature also yelped.

"You're not supposed to be awake!" It spoke.

"AHHH! A TALKING RACCOON???" Yuu shouted as she got out of the space, avoiding the creature. 

"Oi!! Im not a raccoon!" It retorted angrily, "I'm the great Grim!"

Yuu stared at the raccoon incredulously before looking around at her surroundings, "Woah!! Floating coffins???"

Her and the raccoon started to speak until it demanded that she give the raccoon her clothes.

"Oh heck no! First off, it won't even fit you! Second, these are mine!" 

"Fine, then I'll burn you alive!" The raccoon said as it started spewing out fire.

"THE HECK??" Yuu started to run avoiding the flames.

She kept running before being cornered in something like a library. The raccoon nearly burned her alive before a strange man that had a bird mask interrupted. He scolded her and she listened even though she had no idea what he was talking about.

When he finally finished his lecture, Yuu spoke up.

"Uh, who are you and where am I?" She asked.

The man seemed to take a double take, "Do...Do you not know where this is?"

Yuu shook her head.

"Huh…well I shall tell you for I am gracious!" He replied.

*What is with this guy?* Yuu thought to herself.

He walked with her, explaining that she was at Night Raven College. He was the headmaster of the school and was named Dire Crowley. According to him, NRC was a magic school for only the best and that she was one of the students chosen. He went on to explain that each students are assigned to a dorm depending on their soul and that she has yet to be assigned one.

"This is a lot of info…" Yuu murmured. The only explanation she could come up with was that she was in a completely new world, but how was that possible?

Before she knew it, they entered a large chamber with a large crowd of people in it.

There were 6 figures standing by a large floating mirror and Crowley told her to go up to it.

As she walked up to the mirror, a face appeared. "State thy name"

"...Yuu."

"The shape of thy soul is…...I do not know." It suddenly said.

A commotion suddenly sparked and within it all, a young man was staring at his finger, where a red string was tied. He followed the string and saw that it connected to the magicless student. He perked an eyebrow before deciding to pull the string.

Yuu was sharply pulled back and she managed to catch herself, her hood falling off in the process. She turned around to catch the culprit but instead met the stare of a grey eyed stranger.

Before she could think, gasps erupted. It was revealed that she was a girl.

...

An hour prior.

Jamil was in the Scarabia Dorm, setting up for the party to welcome the new students. As he moved a chair, he noticed a red string attached to his finger. He sighed, "Kalim did this, didn't he?" He muttered before trying to take it off.

The string wouldn't budge, "Huh…?"

Jamil sighed, deciding to find Kalim instead.

The prefect was dancing around as usual, talking excitedly with the other students.

"Kalim!" Jamil yelled for the prefect.

Kalim looked over to him and smiled before excusing himself to bounce over to him. "Yo Jamil! What's up?"

Jamil held out the hand, "Did you tie this string to me?" He asked.

Kalim looked down at his hand before looking back up, his face confused, "What string?"

Jamil sighed, taking the red string between his fingers, "This one." 

"...Jamil, are you joking?" Kalim laughed.

Jamil looked at him, "Can you seriously not see it?! It's right there!" He tugged the string.

Kalim waved his hand and it went through the string. He glanced back at Jamil, "I have no idea what you're talking about, Jamil. Are you ok?"

Jamil looked at the string in surprise. He sighed and rubbed his forehead, "Never mind, it doesn't matter." 

Kalim shrugged, "If you say so!" He then smiled and went on to talk about the party.

Jamil only half listened, his mind still wondering where this string came from and where it lead to. He couldn't check it out though because the entrance ceremony was happening soon.

...

Many things happened within the first week. Yuu found herself becoming friends with 2 other students her age, Ace and Deuce. She also eventually became friends with Grim. There was also quite a bit of trouble with Heartslaybul and its prefect, Riddle Rosehearts. Luckily, it managed to be resolved.

She had noticed that the red string for her appeared as well. She had managed to see that it was connected to the same grey eyed stranger, who she still did not know the name of. 

She had seen him around the halls though. He was rather tall and tanned and his hair was long and in a ponytail. He would regularly hang out with an energetic, white haired boy. And based off the armband he wore, he was in Scarabia. She would say that he was very pretty if she could. They never interacted though. Until one day.

Yuu was sitting under a tree with a book in her lap as Grim laid next to her, having a nap. They had free time right now while Ace and Deuce were being lectured. Suddenly, she felt a tug at her finger. Glancing at the string, she followed it until she was met with the familiar eyes of her supposed soulmate.

He stared at her silently before walking towards her.

She placed her book down and stood up as he approached her.

She smiled, "Nice to meet the soulmate that nearly made me fell." She joked.

He didn't smiled back, instead perked an eyebrow, "Soulmate?" He echoed back.

"Oh, is that not something that exists here?" Yuu tilted her head.

"Not exactly...We know of it but it doesn't actually exist."

She smiled again, "Welp, in my world, it does exist and this string is proof," she thought to herself for a few seconds, "I guess I know now why I didn't have a string before." 

He crossed his arms, analyzing her, "How do we take the string off?" he asked.

Yuu shrugged, "the string can't be taken off, unless one or both of us die."

He sighed and rubbed his forehead, "How annoying…" he muttered.

Yuu watched him silently for a few seconds before holding out her hand, "I'm Yuu, what's your name, soulmate?" She asked jokingly. 

He glanced at her hand before looking at her. He took her hand, "Jamil. Jamil Viper." 

"Heh, nice to meet you Jamil."

Yuu didn't know if he would be someone she'd be interested in romantically or just see him as a brother. That's what was fascinating about the string. But eventually time will tell.

[hu4ngs]

anything for yuta please! he is so hot in the latest comeback i cRI

im having a break currently and BOY im so happy to write for you!!! +++ i’d like to take this opportunity to ask you all to stay safe and healthy!

yall know what’s gonna happen. yes you’ve guessed it right i’m doing a strangers to lovers au

so let’s assume you look like your twin bc well…. you’re twins

BUT your twin is the popular twin, and you’re mediocre. AND you two go to separate schools

you’re going to an all-girls’ science school because your life is already hectic you don’t wanna make it anymore hectic with men

your sister goes to a nearby art school. so you know what that means; f r a t  b o y s.

also you’ve been knew that your sister is a bit of a player herself

like you’ve had boys coming to your house, crying, begging for your sister to take him back

nonetheless, though, you still love each other and depend on each other a lot

like, whenever you feel like getting a boyfriend, she’d help you out (even though your relationship ends up in flames about 3 months later because the boys you dated are all fratboys that couldn’t appreciate you enough). and in return you’d help her a lot with getting ready for dates or with her studies

so one day

you were in your school, watching a bunch of girls do a practice match of volleyball with another school because you were bored

then you got a text from your sister saying that she needed help and that it was a level-10 threat

i mean,,,, LEVEL 10? that has to be serious

so you dashed tf out of your school

by a few minutes, you’d arrived to your school

your first instinct was to go to her classroom

so you did

and then you saw a bunch of men hogging around your sister’s desk

so you were like?? wtf is going on

“what are you guys doi-”

before you could even finish your sentence, one of them yelled, “there she is!”

and another yelled, “get her!”

you were freaked??? first of all, you actually put in efforts in how you look today, you’re not about to let some crazy men ruin it for you

so you ran for your life

as you were running you wonder what your sister had done for these men to decide to kill her

thanks to your teacher for forcing you to join tons of cross-country runs, you managed to get away from them

you ran into a room and in the midst of panic you knocked onto something, and it all fell apart

you cupped your mouth

from what you can see, you probably knocked over some arts student’s sculpture

there wasn’t anyone, though, so you started looking around to hide before any art student walks in

as you were running towards what looked like a storage room, someone stepped out

he had blonde hair, and was just crazily handsome

but that wasn’t the point

he saw you, and then looked over behind you

“what the- hey! did you do that?” he asked

you weren’t sure if he was angry, or if that’s just his normal face, but eitherway he was really handsome

you looked behind you to the broken sculpture again,  and shrugged hesitantly

“may…..be…..?” your voice squeaked at the end

he gave you a look, before walking past you, “if you haven’t noticed i had been working on this for a very long time, asshole.”

his intonation wasn’t angry, but it still left a sting when he said that

you felt guilty

“i’m sor-”

“oh shut it, yuna, save that sorry for my friends that you’ve fucked.” he scoffed as he started cleaning up your mess

you were confused for a second, before everything clicked

he must’ve mistook you for your sister

you laughed awkwardly

“um, i’m y/n, not yuna” you said

he stopped sweeping, and then shot you a confused glance

“since when did you have a whole identity change?” he asked sarcastically again

you’re usually annoyed when people gave you an attitude, but you weren’t this time. maybe because you deserved it……?

“oh no, yuna is yuna. i’m her twin!” you smiled.

he stopped again, and looked at you

he clicked his tongue, and then stared at you from your head to your toe

“well…. you do have a better fashion sense than your sister.” he said

you didn’t know why, but you felt supeeeeeer happy when he said that

“i didn’t know yuna had a twin?”

“oh i go to the all-girls’ school a few miles away from here.” you told him

by now, he was done cleaning up the mess and was working on another sculpture

you wonder why he wasn’t SO mad at the fact that you literally broke a what seemed like months of hardwork

you walked over to the blonde, but he didn’t give you any reaction

“why aren’t you throwing a tantrum that i broke your masterpiece?” you asked

he gave you a glance before going back to his new sculpture

he shrugged, “i felt like it was ugly anyways.” he casually said

you nodded, and then just watched him work on his clay in silence

“so why are you here?” he asked, breaking the silence

you chuckled, “some boys are chasing my sister. i guess this is what she meant when she was having a level-10 threat.”

the guy chuckled too

“aren’t you gonna help your sister?” he asked

you shook your head, “she can handle this on her own. i’m sure her new jock boyfriend will help her out.”

“oh yea, i’m sure johnny will. everyone’s scared of him” he agrees

“you’re not so bad, y/n. i’m yuta.” he held out his hand - that had so many clay on it

it seems like he knew exactly what he was doing as he gave you a smirk to see if you were gonna shake hands or not

you took this as a friendship test - or something - so you took his hand

he made a playful look of disgust, “ew, can’t believe you took my hand like that.” he laughed

you’re pretty sure that was the first time that you saw him properly smile, and he had a really pretty smile too.

“your smile is so pretty….. i wish mine was like yours. when i smile i look like a goat.” you said as you simultaneously rested your face onto your clay-ed hand

“oh GOD!” you yelled, and made yuta laugh

“dumbass!” he claimed happily, before wiping a finger onto your nose

“HEY!” you yelled, and wiped some onto his face

yuta didn’t flinch, instead he was simply laughing

after a moment of laughter, he sighed softly, and then looked at you

“just between the two of us, you’re the better twin, y/n” he confessed, and  you giggled

he smiled again, and went on with his work

“how do i get these off my face by the way?”

he chuckled again, “you can’t” he joked

but your dumbass, who has never had experience with arts, believed him

so you were panicking

“what the- um… shouldn’t we get these off our faces?” you asked, nudging him

he shook his head, “i like it on mine. it’s a concept of van gogh’s.”

your heart was really gonna sink in your stomach, he didn’t have as much clay on his face as you did!

“that’s nice, but we should get it off our faces”

you said, nudging him even more

then, he burst out laughing again.

“you’re so funny” he told you

“you can’t be this clueless. of course the clay can be removed. just wash it with water later, idiot” he said, and shook his head

“oh” you said, a little bit embarrassed

then, you got a call

you fished your phone out just to see your sister calling

you signaled yuta to be quiet and he nodded

yuta didn’t have to hear your sister’s voice to know that she was furious at you

“wow! thank god, right? hope you don’t break his heart too.” you said sarcastically

yuta laughed at your snarky attitude

“yes i’m at your school, but a bunch of boys started chasing me thinking i was you.” you explained

“you know what? don’t come home if you’re gonna stay angry!”

you ended the call and turned back to yuta

“well, she’s mad.” you told him, and he nodded

“i love her and all, but she’s the most annoying, irritating, picky, selfish person ever when she’s mad.” you scoffed

“you can always sleep in the streets tonight” he joked

you gave him a look, and he looked away, still thinking it was a decent joke

“just lock her out,” he suggested

“i can’t, she has a spare key.”

“that’s tragic”

you nodded in agreement

“you can come over to my house if you’re comfortable enough” he winked when you looked at him

“but i bet you won’t do it, you look like you don’t have the balls to stay a night with a boy” he shrugged casually as he kept his eyes onto his sculpture

“bet.” you said, and he genuinely looked shocked

“what the hell, are- are you serious?” he stammered, which you found funny

“i mean, sure, why not?”

“aren’t you worried that i might be a serial killer?” he asked

you shrugged as you leaned onto the table in front of him

“so you’re my own version of joe goldberg? sign me up” you joked

he laughed, “you’re brave”

you let out a peace sign as a respond

“we should order in some pizzas tonight then, my treat!” he happily exclaimed

you had been staring at his face for so long - since you first met him

and you can’t help but call him handsome in your mind each time too

you weren’t really that much of a believer in love at first sight but come on, now. yuta has the looks, the talents, the personality, the respect, the humour. and to top all of that he’s got a bit of an attitude. he was screaming boyfriend material into your ears at this point

when he realised you weren’t giving out a response to a pizza night, he froze

“are you on a- um- are you on a diet? do you wanna eat something with low calories instead or-”

taken aback you immediately refuse, “oh my god, no, no! pizza is fine for tonight.” you told him

he let out a sigh of relief

“my ex used to freak out whenever i pick something to eat and it’s not up to her standards, sorry.” he explained

you rolled your eyes at the thought, “that’s plain annoying.”

he nodded in agreement, “it’s a different story if she had something to eat in mind, but no. she lets me decide and then throws a tantrum when i suggest something simple, or some shit like that.” he grunted

you chuckled seeing him annoyed

“hey, what time is it, by the way?” he asked

you opened your phone, and showed it to him, it read 7:48 PM.

“you wanna get going? talking about food is making me hungry.” he explained

you nodded, “me too.”

he started cleaning up his desk, and you helped him out

afterwards, the two of you went to wash the clay out of your hands and faces, yuta not forgetting to splash some water onto you while you were at it

the campus was dark and half-empty by then, some students were giving you looks for splashing water at each other, and you had to admit it was a bit embarrassing

“my house is kinda close to the campus, do you wanna walk or do you wanna take the bus?” he asked

you took a while to think, “since we’re gonna get fat tonight, let’s do some exercise beforehand.” you suggested, and he was fine with it

so you two started walking together

it all felt ethereal to you

the weather was great, it was windy in the right ways, the sky still had a hint of purple and pink to it

you had asked yuta a question that had probably excite yuta, because he was talking with full enthusiasts, and you were enjoying yourself seeing him so passionate about something

then, he absentmindedly swung an arm around your shoulder

and you’re just there like ‘OwO’

but you didn’t want to ruin the moment since he was still talking so passionately

so you acted like you didn’t notice it and carried on with the conversation

plus, you were lowkey (or highkey) enjoying his warmth. he’s a very warm person >:(

then, you two reached his apartment, which looked really nice

when you entered his apartment, it was a bit messy, but it was still pretty

you came to a conclusion yuta was a man of STYLE!!!!

“sorry if my place doesn’t live up to your expectations” he said, but you immediately disagree

“this is a really nice place!” you assured

he kinda gave off a playful look before sitting next to you on the sofa, “so if i were to bring you here on a date, would you like it?” he asked

you were taken aback by the question, but that doesn’t mean a smile wasn’t going to form onto your face

you immediately looked away, still having a hard time removing the grin off of your face

“i don’t know, you haven’t asked me on a date to your house yet.” you told him

he laughed, before poking his head onto your shoulder to see your reaction, “so you want me to ask you out on a lazy date?” he asked

you pushed him away, completely embarrassed, “bro like, shut the fuck up” you said playfully, which made yuta burst out laughing

“your reactions to everything are just so cute.” he told you before softly letting a sigh out

“thanks, we’ve been knew that i’m cute.” you joked

yuta made a disgusted face jokingly too, which made you laugh out of embarrassment

both of you took a really long time to finish off your meals becuase both of you were busy criticizing the shitty netflix series that you were watching

by the time both of you were tired, it was already 4 in the morning

neither you nor yuta could believe that both of you had been talking for that long

but it was undeniable that both of you were enjoying each other’s companies so much

at this point you were ready to propose to this man

but OBVIOUSLY you didn’t wtf

also, by now, you were both cuddled up by the sofa while tall girl was playing on the tv

“do you wanna watch another movie after this?” he asked, you nodded absentmindedly even though you were falling asleep

“how are we gonna get to school tomorrow?” you mumbled groggily

yuta was silent for a while and then he said, “let’s just skip tomorrow!” he suggested

you were falling asleep, yes, but the thought of skipping school excites you

you didn’t always skip school, but you wouldn’t turn down an opportunity either

“that’d be great,” you told him, before laying your head back onto his shoulder

“you know what, y/n?” he asked, you hummed as a response

“let’s go out on a date tomorrow.” he whispered, and then lied his head onto yours

[billhaderlovebot]

beep beep (2) - richie tozier

okay, mentions of sex, weed, and as usual, language that would make my grandmother disown me. some horror-typical blood stuff. enjoy.

@the-star-above-you @ceruleanrainblues

had it not been for richie's incredible, rugged good looks and sex appeal, as he had so tactfully put it, you were sure you would have tried to fucking murder the guy at least once, because he was infuriating at the best of times.

you'd never actually made an attempt on his life, of course, but now, as he tried to peel away from you and get out of the bed that wasn't a single but not quite big enough for two people, you almost killed him, hissing at him to lay the fuck back down right now we might die today i haven't seen you for like half my life you asshole cuddle me right now, richard.

richie, of course, as he hadn't ever been able to say no to you, smirked and shifted to lay back down, resuming the earlier position in which your limbs had become not unlike that thing where your headphones get all knotted in your bag and you can't figure out how to separate them.

"that's what i thought." you huffed, leaning up to press a kiss to the underside of his jaw.

this was almost surreal. being back here, and with the same man you left behind. it was like, the whole time you'd been apart, you'd only been half a person. and now you were back and he was holding you and you were one whole, functioning person again because he was your other half.

"i was just thinking, yknow." richie voiced, pressing a kiss of his own to your temple. "about, uh, your husband."

"i fucking hope not. that's not good bedroom etiquette, tozier, bedding a girl and then fantasising about her husband."

"shut up," he laughed. "no, i mean, you're... married." he noticeably recoiled at the word, and you visualised the nose-scrunch, because he was definitely scrunching his nose right now. god, you loved him so much.

"i noticed."

"yeah, but, babe, this isn't a very married thing to be doing, is it?" richie gestured to the bedclothes, which you were both very naked underneath, and also his shirt, which had ended up hanging from the door handle. there was underwear strewn about the place, and you literally did not know where your pajamas had gone. oh well.

"rich, when i made the decision to come here, i made the decision to leave there." it was true. you may not have known it at the time, but the moment you left that house you were never to return.

your husband might have been calling, and you'd be lying if you said you hadn't thought about him. but any calls he made would have come through in a stream of bubbles and a faint gurgling sound, what with your phone still being back home in your bathtub. being back here just proved that this was where you were always supposed to be. with him. you slid off your wedding ring, pressing it into his palm, and it was as if a weight had been lifted.

"it's always been you, richie."

and that was enough for him.

---

bill raised his eyebrows at last night's dark purple and red hickeys that littered your throat, courtesy of a one richard tozier, before joining you where you sat in the common area. you hadn't thought to pack a turtleneck, or a scarf, at that, and so you'd have to avoid everyone's inquisitive looks and make do.

when richie emerged from the kitchen, a cup of coffee in his hand and a matching set of hickeys, bill sighed.

"th-thought so." he said.

"huh?"

"thin w-w-walls, guys."

"it's not her fault im the best she's ever had." remarked richie, winking at bill and falling onto the couch beside you. he slung an arm over your shoulders and pulled you into him, sipping his coffee.

you shrugged. "yeah, billy, and it's not his fault he hasn't had a good lay since i dumped his ass in derry."

"hey! you didn't mean to dump my ass."

"ah, but i did, nonetheless."

"fuck you." richie teased, setting his coffee down on the table so he could pretend to argue with you properly.

"no, fuck you." you shot back.

"fuck both of you." a voice, eddie's, whined from the kitchen where richie had come from and interrupted your pretend dispute. "i mean, you kept me up all fucking night, fucking each other absolutely senseless in the room next to mine, you inconsiderate assholes."

"they haven't changed, eddie." bill groaned, rolling his shoulders and leaning back on the couch.

"i know that," said eddie "but i don't think i can deal with it, they're all fucking over each other!"

you supposed eddie was right.

richie, now realising you were here and he was with you and you were both within kissing distance of each other again after over two decades, he took every opportunity to shove you against a wall or a door or a sink or on a bed and kiss you hard. a lot. a lot. seriously, he'd sprung at least four impromtu heavy makeout sessions (with tongue) on you so far and it was only your first day here.

it was like you were teenagers again.

god, if only.

"w-we need to put a plan together." bill said firmly, clasping his hands together. you had noticed his stutter had been worse since you'd left the restaurant. not as bad as when you were kids, but still there. "w-w-we need everyone here, t-together, which doesn't include you two s-sneaking off to suck face."

"but she's got such a nice face." richie whined.

"she won't if you don't get your shit together." you heard the voice of ben hanscom (or, handsome, as richie now referred to him.) as he trudged down the stairs and joined you all in the living room. "so shut up and listen in case IT decides to tear it off her."

now, that had really freaked richie out, so he shrugged in defeat and pulled you tighter to him, kissing your forehead and holding you to his chest.

"good morning to you too, ben." you yawned, circling an arm around richie's waist and allowing him to just hold you.

what? he was fucking warm, ok.

"are you guys gonna be like this the whole time?" ben queried, gratefully accepting the cup of coffee eddie had just brought out for him.

"i think it's sweet." beverly was the next to come in, ruffling the back of her hair and rubbing sleep out of her eyes.

"yeah guys, we all got hot or married, and richie got less and less familiar with his fucking shower. we should be impressed he got anywhere near her." eddie chided. a chorus of laughter arose, all of you sat around the coffee table on plush couches, and you could pretend, just for a moment, that this was all you were here for. a reunion. but you weren't.

"m-mike's meeting us later." bill explained. "we have.... stuff to do."

---

the clubhouse was almost exactly how you remembered it (save for the inch-thick layer of dust and the smell of rot and the slight water damage from what must have been 27 years of rain leaks). you'd damn near punched richie in the fucking face when he pulled that "you'll float too" bullshit. his impressions were always impeccable, but now was not the time. he'd rectified his mistake by kissing you soundly and offering one to everyone else, to which they all refused.

"reckon we could still fit?" richie echoed your own thoughts as you both stared in at the dusty old hammock you'd spent so many hours on as teenagers, nostalgia coming over you in waves.

"how much you betting, trash-mouth?" you grinned, your tongue poking out from between your teeth.

"five bucks says we can."

you looked over the stretch of fabric that ben had pinned up between the boards on the ceiling all those years ago. you could barely fit on it when you were teenagers, so there wasn't much change of it happening 20-or-so years on. "i say we can't, so, ten bucks."

"done." he said, with an air of finality, and stuck his hand out for you to shake.

"nah," you shook your head. extending your little finger instead."handshakes are for businessmen and drug dealers. pinky swear."

richie hooked his pinky around yours and flashed you his signature shit-eating grin. "get ready to cough up."

a great deal of struggling later, (richie almost bringing the fucking roof down) you were considerably warmer and ten dollars poorer. the rest of the losers stared on in disappointment because the two of you were still absolutely insane. but you had done it.

granted, you'd had to twist very close around each other to fit on, and your leg was sticking out at an odd angle, but neither of you were terribly bothered.

"ten bucks, babe."

"can't i just have sex with you?" you groaned. you hadn't brought much money with you in the first place, and you really needed a coffee and a therapeutic shop for stationary.

"how about you give me ten bucks and then i have sex with you." he suggested, wiggling his eyebrows.

"i think that consistutes prostitution, actually, babe." you pointed out, kissing his lips and reluctantly pressing two folded fives into his hand. "but i do expect something by way of a sexual favour later on, provided we don't die."

"guys? important stuff is going on. yknow, like, if-we-don't-do-this-we'll get-fucking-murdered stuff." you'd forgotten that the rest of them were there, and eddie had rather pulled you both out of the bubble you were existing in.

"lighten up, eds. i just got my girl back." for once, richie wasn't joking around, and the sincerity in his voice almost made you cry. eddie didn't say anything more.

but mike did. "we have to split up to find our artefacts." he chimed in, reminding you all exactly what you were there for. "we have stan's, and i have mine. you'll know what they are when you see them."

you couldn't help but feel sorry for mike. he knew so much and had everything so planned out, but at what cost? he had been waiting alone for years and years and years, knowing full well the rest of derry depended on him not giving up, even if they didn't know it themselves.

"w-we can't split." bill interjected. "it's t-too dangerous. what if one of us d-d-d-d..." he inhaled deeply, calming himself and allowing mike to put a hand on his shoulder. "what if something happens. i won't forgive myself."

"im not letting this one out of my fucking sight, mikey." richie concurred, absently drumming his fingers where they rested on your waist. "no fucking way."

"you have to do this alone. all of you." mike continued, and you knew he was right.

ben and beverly knew it, too, and had begun making their way out of the clubhouse, the maggot-eaten wood of the ladder groaning in protest underneath their feet.

"right. a-are you s-sure, mike? really?"

"positive. this is how it has to be."

------

"okay, so if you die, we can't fuck later, and i would rather like to, so, maybe don't die, please." richie was trying to make light of possibly the worst moment of his life, but it wasn't working so well, because his hands were shaking so hard that he could barely keep ahold of you.

"i'll be fine, rich." you assured him, leaning against his chest and inhaling the scent of home.

"you don't know that, y-y-you don't-- t-there's no way you can-- y-y-you're-"

you cut him off by firmly pressing your lips to his, and it did seem to calm him. the act of holding you close and feeling the rise and fall of your chest and knowing he could touch you and you were still here. you thread your fingers through the soft hair at the nape of his neck and allowed him to deepen the kiss, knowing he needed it.

he had always needed reassurance when you were kids, because he'd always been insecure or scared about something he couldn't remember. he always went to you first, because the whole vulnerable thing wasn't really his scene, and you were the only person who saw it. and his nightmares, god, the fucking nightmares. you hadn't seen him cry before until he woke up shaking in your bed, searching around for something to grab onto because he couldn't tell what was real or not. he cried for what seemed like hours in your arms and all you could do was hold him.

"you're stuttering worse than billy." you murmured, close enough so your lips just barely touched. "ill be fine."

his eyes searched yours desperately for any sort of truth, but he could tell that you weren't sure. that you were just as shit-scared as he was and you were holding it together for the both of you.

"fuck." was all he said.

"fuck." you agreed.

---

1994

---

"baby." richie's voice was practically ecstatic down the phone. you grinned and reached over to your shelf to turn your record player, and the cure, down.

"yes?"

"i have, like, the best idea ever."

"and what would that be?"

"so, yknow, i have like, a shit ton of pot."

"uh huh."

"and i haven't seen you in like, uh, like two days. which is, fuckin, two days too long, yknow."

"yeah, of course."

"so, what say you and me get really really stoned and wait for your grandmother to leave for bingo and have a lot, and i mean a lot, of high sex."

"trash-mouth tozier, i may just take you up on that." you smirked, twirling the bright red phone cord in between your fingers.

"oh, good, cause im already here."

richie's voice was now coming from your actual window.

you whirled round to see him perched on the fire escape like a fucking curly haired pigeon with a high libido.

"god, you do know how to make an entrance, rich, fuck me."

"ask, and ye shall receive." richie smirked, dropping his legs through your window. in two strides he was in front of you, pupils dilated and partly concealed by his dark curls. his glasses were almost falling off his nose.

the phone receiver dropped from your hand and clattered to the ground as you reached up to take them off, and-

oh, and then his tongue was inside your mouth, so the glasses fell and landed alongside the phone by your bare feet.

no matter how many times you kissed richie tozier, it never failed to surprise you just how fucking good he was at it. you found yourself rather at his mercy whenever his lips were on yours, his hands on your face or in your hair or your back trouser pockets. he'd always make a point of tugging your bottom lip between his teeth and oh my fucking god. wow.

"well i can't fucking see you now, can i?" he whined, pulling away and blinking hard in an attempt to adjust to you having taken his actual sight away.

you responded by reaching your hand around to his back pocket where you knew his silver zippo would be.

"and here i thought you loved me."

richie stuck his bottom lip out in mock sadness, but grinned about two seconds after, reaching into his other pocket and handing you a small zip-lock baggie.

"you know that i love you." you smiled, kissing his lips and edging round him to get to your bed.

"you do?" he asked.

"more than anything."

----

2016

----

the zippo lighter was much heavier than you remembered it, you thought, as you turned it over and over in your hands.

you flicked it open, but no flame arose. not as though you expected it to.

god, those years were the happiest of your life. after IT. when richie and yourself could be happy and in love and kids.

just two stupid kids in love.

and your heart ached now as you thought of all the lost years. all that time you could have spent with him, watching him grow, and growing alongside him.

but you were together again, and it was alright. it was alright, now.

"beep beep, richie's girl."

the voice that came from behind you caused your heart to plummet, and you swore it could have fallen out of your ass.

"oh, fuck no. you fuck right off, right fucking now." you steadied the shaking of your hands. you were not afraid. i mean, yes, you were, very much so. but you weren't letting It see you weak.

clenching your fists, you slowly turned to look at the space near the window from which the voice had come.

oh, fuck.

it was richie.

or it would have been, if it were normal for richie to have a huge slice across his throat and a considerable amount of his left arm missing.

blood poured like a fucking faucet from the slash, forming grotesque patterns where it fell across its shirt.

"help me, baby." it choked, hands coming up to the wound, trying desperately to hold it together. it fell to its knees before you and pleaded with you to fucking help me, please and then it was crying and in that moment it's eyes looked so fucking much like his that you almost threw up.

"no, fuck no." you were seriously, seriously about to vomit right now, but you weren't about to embarrass yourself in front of a supernatural evil entity.

"please." blood came spluttering from its mouth, and you had to commend it on its honest to god phenomenal acting. it wasn't a pretty sight, honestly, because richie in any form of pain was enough to make you want to tear out your eyes, even a fake richie. but this wasn't him.

"you got it wrong." you flipped the lighter open and closed absently, hoping to whatever god would listen that the shake in your voice wasn't noticeable.

the mock expression of fear disappeared from not-richie's face.

"m not fucking scared of you. you'll only hurt me if i let you, right?" you hoped to god that you were right, because it'd be pretty embarrassing if after all that, you were torn to shreds anyway.

and then it was gone. leaving behind, scrawled in fake richie's fake blood on the wall:

beep beep, richie's girl.

you had to admire the theatrics, really.

---

richie hadn't wanted to talk about his artefact, or where he had got it, and you knew better than to push him.

he looked so fucking tense, tears in his eyes, that you just wanted to hold him and never let go ever until the earth stopped spinning. but that wasn't an option, so:

"nap?" you suggested, reaching up to thread your fingers through his hair.

his eyes fluttered shut and he leaned into your touch.

"yeah. nap."

"rich?"

"yeah?"

"i love you."

"i love you more."

"fuck you."

"no, fuck you."

[chronicillschronicpills]

so hey, i just found ur blog and tbh im really looking for any advice i can get on dealing with chronic pain and fatigue? i dont mean to be a bother sorry! im just slipping into hopelessness with some people and even doctors not taking me seriously. i have done hours and hours of research and i think my symptoms may line up with sjogren's? it's just so hard for someone to look at my symptoms (even though they have been worsening since october 2019) since absolutely nothing shows up in my tests.

Hey!

This is not a bother at all. Also sorry if this is a late reply, my Tumblr never notifies me when I get messages so I have to manually check! 

So to start off with, I know exactly how you feel. I have been there. It is truly horrible and I am sorry you have to deal with this. There is a massive problem with doctors not taking young people, especially women, seriously when it comes to pain and fatigue. It’s always ‘stress’ or ‘depression’ or ‘in your head’ and it’s just really infuriating. It’s a terrible place to be in. 

I think this is a really important post. Its going to be LONG. 

I’m going to first address the issues with doctors not taking you seriously. 

It took me 7 years to get a diagnosis. This is NOT unusual. In fact, I’m almost positive that the average diagnosis time period for someone with lupus is 6 years. My first piece of advice is SELF ADVOCATE. This sounds easier than it is and it takes a lot of practice. I used to just burst into tears if I was trying to explain anything to a doctor. It is easier to self-advocate when you are calm and are clear about what you are going to say. To help with that, I suggest KEEPING A JOURNAL of your symptoms and have all your medical records in order. Make it in depth. Before an appointment, WRITE DOWN WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO TALK ABOUT. This way, you won’t forget anything. I like to reverse in my head how it is going to go. You really have to TAKE CONTROL of the appointment. You are allowed to demand certain things. I had to demand a referral to a rheumatologist when one of my shit GP’s refused to. He ended up giving me one, and on my first appointment with the rheumatologist, I was diagnosed and put on medication. It is important to DO RESEARCH but not too much. Don’t let the doctors know that you’ve done too much or they will think you’re a hypochondriac or something, maybe hurt their ego, who knows. You need to have a GOOD GP. If you don’t like your current GP, find a new one. Do research on good GP’s in your area. Ask your friends and family about theirs. Also, the best indicator for a doctor to know where you are at in my experience is saying MY QUALITY OF LIFE IS POOR. Describing your symptoms in-depth and how they affect your day to day functioning is important. Lastly, I always think you should BRING SOMEONE WITH YOU. Bring someone you trust, someone who knows about your condition. This is useful because they can back up what you say, they are there for support, and a doctor is less likely to treat you like shit with someone else present. You should also brief the person who is coming with you about what you would like them to do in the appointment. Do you want them to just stay quiet, or would you like them to sometimes talk or want them to take control of the appointment? 

My advice for chronic pain

Pain killers (it make seem obvious, but they really help). This is a touchy subject for a lot of people, as there are obvious problems with long term pain killer use, but they are great for PRN. There is a possibility a doctor will not prescribe you with them though. 

NSAID’s (Nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs) can be helpful for pain

Tricyclic antidepressants are used to treat chronic pain

Topical treatments; I use tiger balm patches. These are the ones I use: https://www.amazon.com/Tiger-Balm-Plaster-Warm-Patches/dp/B07Q6WN9ZM. They help tremendously for me. I sometimes used tiger balm cream. Other good ones are Icy Hot vanishing gel and bengay. 

Pillows: I used 12 pillows to sleep with. I know it a lot. But it works really well for me. Experiment with pillows; between your knees, under your arm, behind your back, under your hip, under your legs, etc. I literally sleep on a bed of pillows. 

Reduce stress. High stress= more pain

Join support groups; I am on several FaceBook pages that talk about the issues that I have. This blog on Tumblr has been incredibly helpful. It’s good to have people who understand what you’re going through. 

I cannot exercise, but some people find it useful (i never did) 

Some people find meditation helpful (i do not)

Massages help but obviously, that’s not always accessible, they are expensive etc. 

My advice for chronic fatigue

Medications; depending on your diagnosis, some medications can help with chronic fatigue. The medicine that helps with my chronic fatigue is Plaquenil which is often used to treat fatigue-related with Sjogren’s. There are other medications that can help with the quality of sleep such as benzodiazepines and tricyclic antidepressants. 

Do not do too much activity (that has helped me, but for others moving and doing exercise and movement can help) 

Have a routine 

If you study, make sure you tell all your teachers and lecturers beforehand that you have a health issue that may impair your ability to come to class all the time or hand in assignments on time. In my experience, they have always been really helpful and understanding. 

I also studied a lot from home, using online resources. I also took fewer papers at university to make it more manageable for me.  

Look after yourself, make sure you eat good foods. A lot of people try different diets but they haven’t helped me personally but have been beneficial to a lot of other people. Definitely talk to your doctor about this though. 

Give yourself a break, do not be too hard on yourself if you cant do the things that others are doing 

Some doctors consider stimulant medication but I have not tried this

Lastly! Sjogren’s!

I know a bit about Sjogren’s because it’s related to the disease that I have. It is an autoimmune disorder. If you think you have Sjogren’s then you need to ask your GP to do blood tests associated with Sjogren’s such as rheumatoid factor, ANA, antibodies (anti-Ro (SS-A) and anti-La (SS-B) antibodies). Ask for a referral to a rheumatologist. SELF ADVOCATE. Do not stop until you find your answer. Also, get routine bloods. It is common for them to change over time. I

If any of my followers have Sjorgens and have any advice, please comment!

I hope this helped, I wish I could come up with more advice on how to deal with chronic pain and fatigue, but I know it is really hard. If any of my followers made it this far and have any tips, please add to this post and reblog it so that more people can see and add to it.

EDIT TO ORIGINAL POST

This information was supplied by a tumblr user called @graciecatfamilyband who actually has Sjorgens. They said:

 Blood work and other tests CANNOT rule Sjogren’s OUT. This makes it very difficult to diagnose 

30% of Sjogren’s patients will have negative blood work.Other tests may also not be sufficient, depending on where you are in your disease progress

Doctors are often undereducated about Sjogren’s and don’t see it as as serious as it is

Many patients will have neuro symptoms as well as other significant symptoms like fatigue before their lip biopsy focal score is 1 (which is considered “positive” for Sjogren’s).

https://www.sjogrensadvocate.com/ is a great resource for people who think they might have this disease. It also cites research articles you can show your doctor if you need to

They also offered to help out anyone who want to reach out to them if they have questions or need advice about Sjorgens and also, with diagnosis’s.

Keep in touch, let me know how it goes. Don’t be afraid to reach out and dm me.

Love Aston 

[helenaspencer]

intro to helena

Is that HELENA SPENCER-MAY? Wow, they do look a lot like PHOEBE DYNEVOR. I hear SHE is an EIGHTEEN year old FRESHMAN who are studying HISTORY  at Luxor University. Word is they are an ARISTOCRAT student. You should watch out because they can be CHILDISH and SNOBBISH, but on the bright side they can also be GENEROUS and CHARMING. Ultimately, you’ll get to see it all for yourself. [YUNI, 21, GMT, SHE/HER]

lord knows why i did this. im sorry.

01: basic information

Full Name: Lara Helena Spencer-May

Nicknames: Helena - she insists on being referred to only by her middle name.

Date Of Birth: August 12, 2002 (currently aged 18)

Zodiac: Leo sun, Leo ascendant, and Libra moon.

Place Of Birth: New York

Nationality: American and Swiss.

Sexual Orientation: Bisexual

Course: History (Freshman)

02: physical

Faceclaim: Phoebe Dynevor

Ethnicity: White (Swiss, English)

Height: 173cm (5′8)

Weight: 56kg (124lbs)

Eye Colour: Blue

Hair Colour: Blonde

Distinctive Features: a tangible air of disdain for anyone who earns less than 100k a year

Clothing Preference: Helena won’t wear anything which isn’t designer, but even then, she has her preferences. Perhaps stereotypically, she adores Chanel, closely followed by Versace. Her sense of style is fairly feminine, with a lot of dresses and skirts, and she wouldn’t be caught dead in a pair of jeans.

03: personality

Overview

Positive Traits: Generous, charming, loyal, creative

Negative Traits: Childish, snobbish, insincere, judgemental

MBTI: ESTP

Religious Beliefs: Atheist

Description

Helena has pretty much the emotional maturity of Veruca Salt. Which is to say, she cares about one person in the world, and that is herself. She doesn’t make long term plans, instead pursuing short term happiness - which means that whatever she wants in that moment, she will go for. And if you stand between her and whatever she wants, no matter how dumb - whether it’s a bag or a college - she reacts dramatically. She’s not above throwing tantrums, literally stomping her feet and screaming, scratching, you name it, until she gets what she asked for. She once keyed an ex boyfriend’s car because he understandably refused to invite her to his sister’s wedding and Helena had already picked out her (white) outfit. In addition to this, Helena’s sheltered upbringing has made her extremely ignorant to the world as a whole. She fails to comprehend how anyone can not be rich, since it’s all she knows, and so she tends to assume that poor people are always lazy and unambitious. As a result, she refuses to associate herself with anyone who is a scholarship student or comes from a poor family, as she insists that mindset might be contagious and drag her down. Her mood can switch very rapidly - one minute she is being sweet and charming to you, and the next minute she is screaming and crying. She’s also extremely adept at crocodile tears, which she uses on everyone she wants something from, seeing no problem with manipulating others if it gets her what she wants. She generally has a very superior outlook on herself as opposed to others, hence why she just assumes she’s going to inherit the May family’s company, over her cousins.

04: past

Biography:

Lara Helena Spencer-May was born in New York to a Swiss father, Matteo May, and English mother, Margaret Spencer. Her father works for the family’s pharmaceutical company, her mother is from British landed gentry and works as a classicist for the British Museum. Helena spent the first few years of her life in New York, before moving back to Switzerland, although she continued to spend a lot of time in New York over the summer, where she would later meet Zander Driskell.

Although her first name is legally Lara, Helena forced everyone to call her by her middle name from the age of eleven. Firstly, she thought that Lara sounded common, and slightly too similar to her cousin Loren’s name, and secondly, as her classicist mother told her the story of Helen of Troy, who she had been named after - and there was nothing which sounded better in Helena’s shallow mind than being beautiful enough that men started wars over you.

Helena is her parents only child, and she was absolutely spoiled rotten from the moment she was born. Her father gives her anything she asks for, and pretty much dotes on her; her mother also treats her as if she’s the centre of the universe. As a result, Helena has become accustomed to never being told no, and has no idea of a good way to act if she is - hence her tendency to throw tantrums if she doesn’t immediately get what she wants. She’s far too used to being able to manipulate daddy with a few tears into giving her an extra 5k in her bank account.

From the age of six, Helena was sent away to attend Ecole des Roches, a prestigious boarding school in Paris. She would either come back to Switzerland over the summer, or spend summers in New York. One such summer was spent in Saratoga Springs when she was sixteen, where she met Zander Driskell - and who she began dating, with Helena deciding to stay in New York after summer ended to be closer. Despite this, their relationship quickly turned toxic, with Helena’s spoiled and selfish nature making it difficult for her to put up with Zander not giving her everything she wanted - they broke up and got back together multiple times over the course of the next year, before a particularly bad break up caused Helena to up and leave for Paris again, finally finishing her high school education in Paris.

Then came the time for college. To be honest, Helena has no actual interest in gaining a degree. As far as she is concerned, she is just going to get a degree for the sake of having one, as she is convinced she is going to inherit the family business. Still, she had ambitions to attend the  University of St Andrews  in Scotland, primarily because she knew Kate Middleton met Prince William there, and Helena would love to be a Queen one day. However, her grandparents instead gently pushed her to attend Luxor University, suggesting that Helena would benefit from some bonding time with her cousins. She instantly refused - and was thus incredibly shocked when for once, her father put his foot down, insisting that either Helena attend Luxor, or he would cut her allowance. No number of tantrums, screaming, threats to jump out of the window, or run away would work - Helena ended up at Luxor, much to her upset, surrounded by her dreaded scholarship students.

Timeline:

August 12 2002 - Helena is born in New York

2006 - Helena moves back to Switzerland

September 2008 - Helena is sent to Paris to attend boarding school. She returns to either Zurich or New York over the summers following.

Summer 2018 - Helena meets and begins a relationship with Zander Driskell. They have many fights and an on and off relationship.

December 2019 - After a particularly bad argument, Helena throws a tantrum and leaves New York, returning to Paris to finish her high school education.

September 2020- Helena begins attending Luxor University.... fashionably late.

05: other trivia

- Helena speaks fluent Swiss German, Swiss French, and English. In addition to this she is fluent in High French, since she attended school in Paris. Her accent when speaking English is sort of an amalgamation of American, English, and French due to her upbringing and her English mother, and it tends to change depending who she’s speaking to - if she’s speaking to someone English, for instance, it will be more on the English side as she subconsciously matches them, whereas if she’s speaking in English to a French person, it becomes more French.

- Adores the British monarchy. Especially Princess Diana. And yes, Spencer means she’s a distant relation. She won’t let you forget it.

- If you call her Lara, she will spit on you.

-She loves classical paintings, and collects art. Her dorm room walls are covered with paintings and reproductions of Greek tapestries. She dresses as Helen of Troy every. single. Halloween.

- She can play the piano, and the flute. She is constantly in a stage of quitting and rejoining the concert band though, as she joins, can’t take any criticism at all, quits, and then misses it and wants to rejoin.

- Massive fan of Lana Del Rey.

06: notable connections

Within Luxor:

- Friendships: ...

- Former Relationships: Zander Driskell

- Cousins: Loren Velazquez, Zelda Reese

NPCS

- Matteo May and Margaret Spencer May: Her parents, who she has wrapped around her little finger.

07: connection ideas/wcs

Friends

Although Helena is often too childish to hold friendships for long, she can be fun for a party, so I see her having a lot of friends who she just drinks with or parties with every once for a while, without any genuine connection going on or spending too much time together

Enemies

Maybe someone who is annoyed by her antics and has been on the receiving end of one of her tantrums and thus sees the immature side of her personality as an annoyance.

Hookups

As long as she doesn’t perceive you as poor (god forbid), she loves a good hookup or friends with benefits.

08: tl;dr

Helena is highly immature, childish, and spoiled. She is rich to the point of not being able to understand or appreciate anything cheap or anyone poor in life, and looks down on pretty much anyone who isn’t at her level of rich as a result, seeing them as lazy. She truly believes she is superior to her cousins and that she’s going to inherit their family’s company, purely because she wants it that way.

[ariyadaivaris]

im giving this very minimal editing. this is a very long post because i thought about gold standard last night and had an out of body experience. it is not very good because i wrote it and also it was like 4 in the morning and i was unwell. i don’t know why its worded the way it is it sounds like i was trying to sound professional and thoughtful or something and i dont know why the fuck i tried that how embarrassing cringe and fail blogger. i am posting it anyway because this is what i do is embarrass myself online. thank you <3 

  Tony after being betrayed said he was hurt, but he knew what teaming with That Guy offered, what the benefits were, and why someone would do it. This is the thing: WHY did the betrayal happen? It happened because Tony stood up to That One. Tony stood up to Enzo specifically because Ariya failed, and when Enzo chewed him out for it Tony stepped in. This was both righteous and kind, and it made everything harder.

  Ariya participated in the betrayal because of this. BECAUSE Tony was kind to him! Because Tony saying the way Ariya was being treated was wrong, and if Ariya believes that, then he is suddenly in a LOT of danger at the champion's hands. Ariya has feuded with a few people already. He has been humiliated for no reason. He has been beaten down by someone who wanted it more. Ariya isn't in a great place to think he can leave and make it. Ariya made a deal with the devil, he's safe as a goon, he cannot fight what happens to him now. Tony and Drew have each other, if it breaks bad, and they're both friends with Ariya he guesses, but not in the same way. He has nowhere to go and no way to fight.

  Tony, however, DOES fight. Tony challenges Ariya's idea that he has to suck it up and deal with it. If it's all three of them against him, then maybe they could get out. Ariya gets his idea about the shape of the world, the place everyone has in it, challenged. And he rejects it! He can't accept it! Tony is fighting to protect HIM! And he denies it!

  And the thing is, this is something Tony understands. Tony confronts Drew instead of Ariya, because--well because dubya weighs their importance differently because of the racism but because Drew hasn't bought in the way Ariya has. If anyone is OVER enough to challenge Enzo at this time? It is Mister FUCKING PowerPoint babey!!!!!!!! Drew gets onboarded and accepts because it might make him more popular, more able to gain traction for his bullshit no fun allowed ideas! Ariya is backed into a corner of his own design, and its not good and it doesn't make him betraying Tony FINE, but Tony understands what happened. Why Ariya did that. In a way, he understands Drew, too, of course. The influence is too appealing, he knows that. But Drew /chose/ to join in when he was given a chance to help Tony. 

  Maybe Drew needed to regain confidence too, maybe he needed to get back on his stupid little feet, it's been awhile since I've seen that storyline play out and I dont remember all the details. But I think the other thing is...Tony and Drew were literally closer at the time. Ariya was still their friend, OBVIOUSLY, even if the canon was noncommittal about saying it, but Tony and Drew were like. I mean. YOU know. You were there. Drew turning on Tony, after all that they'd done together, held so much weight behind it. Tony doesn't demand an explanation from Ariya. But he NEEDS to know Drew is sorry. He needs things to be okay between them. But they're not, and they never are again.

  This is...another thing. Drew doubles down on this to the point it turns him into something else entirely. Tony demands an apology from him, and he /refuses/. He offers some small, pathetic I'm Sorrys during the match, as long as he's getting hurt, as long as Tony has the upper hand, but when push comes to shove, he breaks in the other direction. He's not sorry. He didn't do anything wrong. Tony held him back, if you really think about it actually, because why would Drew have ever done anything wrong? Really, this is Tony's fault if you think about it (it was not Tony's fault)

  Ariya isn't given a chance to apologize in the same way. Tony and Drew clash during the tournament. Ariya gets knocked out in round one, gets injured soon after (which breaks up a potential feud with Mustafa as well and every fucking day it makes me want to scream, I would do anything on this earth for them to feud, please God take me back) and spends most of 2018 out of action. There's just no time, and even if there was, its questionable if dubya would even care about the opportunity. The next time they meet, it's when Tony's the champion and Ariya has finally decided hes better off alone anyway.

  Tony is different. He's the champion, and he's a face, at that. He's earned the title by seeking vengeance against someone who wronged him, and he found it. He's lost in a lot of ways, but he's trying to be confident, and he is trying to become the kind of person who can represent the championship. Not just as someone who got it on the way to a kind of small interpersonal victory, but as a Real Champion. The kind 205 (usually) fosters. The kind that didnt ruin his life.

  Tony is also the same. He's Ariya's friend. In the middle of a sea of changes, Ariya is familiar. They can pick up where they left off, if Ariya wants. If Ariya just...if he just changes alignments for Tony. If he accepts that Tony wants him. 

  Ariya is different. Alone after abandoning Kenta during a failed attempt at vengeance against a mutual enemy. Akira, who Kenta discarded after a few too many losses. Akira, who beat Ariya in pursuit of the title, a loss that Ariya never really came back from. Ariya loses to Akira again, even playing support for someone else. And he lashes out. And he works on his own, because he doesn't trust anyone to help him.

  Ariya's also the same. He lashes out, and he doesn't trust anyone to help him. Ariya carries his career around on his back. He carries, in reflection of someone else's experience, a chip on his shoulder. It weighs him down. When Tony offers him understanding, he does what he has always done, and he rejects it. Tony faces Drew, the ghost of their shared past, and Ariya is there to remind him exactly why he exists as he does now. "I didn't hurt you, but I could have. I just wanted you to know." Tony cannot trust Drew anymore. He shouldn't trust Ariya, Ariya warns him.

  Ariya doesn't say sorry, because he can't, because he's too busy sabotaging his last remaining friendship for Tony's own good, for his own good, for him to convince himself he never cared in the first place, but he regrets it. He cuts Tony off because it's easier than apologizing because this motherfucker will NEVER admit to having problems, he will drink water with a lemon slice and that will fix everything, thank you, but he does this to warn Tony off before Ariya can hurt him again. Ariya lashes out. It's what he does. Its better this way, where Tony can't get hurt.

  (Ariya, who doesn't put himself in harm's way for anyone, who has Evasion as his middle name, who sneaks around conflicts every chance he gets, flattering and tricking and taking opportunities because he doesn't trust his own skills to get him wins, Ariya thinks he's protecting Tony. But maybe he's still protecting himself. Ariya saw Tony and Drew, saw them again, saw how they have something that he doesn't. Ariya can't trust anyone the way they trusted each other. Ariya will never, ever be to Tony what Drew was. The sooner Ariya prevents even the chance for that comparison to exist, the sooner they can forget it ever happened, the sooner he can stop thinking about it like Tony could want to be his friend all the same. Like Tony could be thinking he's just not a threat the way Drew is. Like Tony could know everything about Ariya and forgive him anyway, like Ariya could ever do right by that forgiveness. Like Ariya could /ever/ earn anything.)

  It took a long time for them to get where they are even now! Tony and Ariya danced around the idea of teaming with each other for a long time, talking around it and avoiding each other and not thinking about it. Now that they are, we can actually see HOW their relationship has evolved since then. Ariya and Tony have remained a team, and Ariya has begun to risk things for people. He was doing it a bit before, with someone who definitely didn't deserve it, but Ariya is now trying to actively protect Tony in matches, after matches, when he's hurt. Ariya hasn't asked for Tony's help or really accepted it on a level deeper than Win Match yet (and honestly Ariya probably realistically needs more help than anyone can give him, help that has to come from himself), but he's offering his own. And when Ariya realizes he's not winning on his own, when he had his little Moment at the beginning of the year where he got ready to sabotage and run because he can't start depending on people and especially not on Tony, the LAST person who needs to be looking after Ariya again, when that happened, Tony took a step back and let Ariya work on his own. When Ariya does what he needs to to feel In Control, which is usually a little murder but I like him so it's okay, Tony leaves him to do it on his own or plays support for him instead. 

  Its like... there is a healing in the rift between them in the specific way it needed to heal, y'know? It's not perfect and there's always a chance the writers get bored again and do some bullshit, but like...tony and Ariya specifically have like. One of the most interesting relationships in wrestling right now. It's like. God. I could just die thinking about it. I care them

[avelera]

hi! im sorry if this sounds stupid, but im supposed to start uni this year, and im reallyyy nervous about it. coming across so many talented authors such as you really makes me feel incredibly stupid in comparison, and i feel like im going to set my own self back. i work really hard to improve my writing by practising and reading a lot, but i know it's never enough. there's so much out there i haven't experienced yet and i want to include but i just don't know how to express it. please help :((

Hey Anon! First of all, I'm really touched by your kind words about my work, thank you so much! And it’s not stupid at all, my dude, no one is born writing we all gotta practice at it. And don’t feel stupid either! Not knowing something is just the process of recognizing that you’re learning and growing, it’s not a bad thing! Every writer, even the most famous in history, struggled with no being able to express themselves, you are joining a GRAND tradition!

Second of all, HOOOO BOY do I understand the anxieties you’re facing right now about uni, so please forgive me for rambling but I've got SO MANY FEELINGS about what to do as a writer going to uni/college.

Uni/college can be a really hard time for writers. While I was at college in the US, I think I went almost three whole years without writing a single word that wasn’t for a class. The writing workshops I took there absolutely crippled my self-confidence, to the point where I really don’t recommend any budding authors take a college creative writing class unless they’ve already got a BUNCH of stories under their belt, and only take the class if they’re not afraid an individual student or teacher will have that one comment that breaks their desire to write or the teacher is already a mentor that they trust, or because they firmly understand that in the real world you're never going to have someone who was forced to read your story for an assignment, so the kind of apathy and dislike you’ll get for your work in a class is extremely atypical and seems almost designed to kill a new writers motivation when they’ve barely even started to write….

ANYWAY, personal rant out of the way, lemme see if I can put together some thoughts that will help you out, and don’t be afraid to follow up with another Ask if I missed something or you want me to expand on something!

Full disclosure, I’m 32 now and I’ve been writing for 20 years (with the aforementioned huge, multi-year gaps in there where I wrote almost NOTHING) and I’ve had a lot of privilege when it comes to my ability to write and freedom to do so.

If you're like me, writing is going to be hard in uni, don’t get me wrong, some people thrive as writers there, but I’m going to speak to my own experience. You’re going to have a lot of reading and writing you have to do for school and that can potentially drain your creative reserves. Be kind to yourself when that happens. The writing will come back. Maybe set aside time to do a 15 minute writing exercise once in a while if you’re feeling down on yourself, but don’t worry if writing isn’t something that happens every day!

Your note expressed anxiety about there being so much out there you haven’t experienced, but uni is great for broadening your horizons! You’re at the beginning of your road as a writer, not the end of it! Course selection is different for everyone and I don’t know your priorities. That said, if you have a chance for an elective, I recommend picking something that broadens your horizons instead of something you’d usually take. Engineering can help with sci-fi (and everything!), history can help with fantasy (and EVERYTHING), heck, accounting could give you ideas for a financial thriller, every course out there will give you new ideas AND even if you don’t have time to take a course for credit, some professors will let you sit in on the lectures for classes you're interested in but don’t have the time/energy/credits to take officially. I got very lucky my senior year and was allowed to sit in on a class on WWII with a world-renowned scholar on the subject just by asking nicely. Didn’t have to do the homework or pay extra or anything, and it gave me so many ideas for stories and fics!

Again, I actually DON’T recommend taking fiction writing courses unless you have a specific professor you have a good relationship with and want to work with or it otherwise comes highly recommended. In my opinion, it's better to broaden your horizons with a wide variety of ideas and courses over “specializing” in writing. To add to that, here’s some totally unsolicited career advice, I’d also say look into courses that build to a career that won’t suck your soul out. Having a career you don't hate, that gives you freedom to write (with time and/or money) and diverse experience to pull ideas from will be a huge boon to your writing career if it’s something you have any interest in pursuing professionally or as a hobby long-term.

Dropping the uni subject for a second and focusing on writing, one of the things I wished someone had told me sooner is that you don’t need someone else to teach you how to write. Sure, it can be really helpful at some point, but waiting until someone can tell you how to write lost me three good years at least. Again, I don't recommend taking creative writing classes in college because they can be debilitating to self esteem if administered wrong. So just keep writing and you’ll be fine! Maybe do a 15 minute exercise if it’s been a while since you wrote for fun and you're feeling down on yourself. But more importantly, be gentle with yourself if you can't get around to writing every day.

- Don’t WAIT to write the story that you’re passionate about right now. Write it now. Sure, future you might be a “better” writer, but future you might have just taken that cool WWII history class and wants to write a WWII vampire story, not about the thing you’re excited for right now. Don’t burden future you with the thing you’re excited about today, let future you write their own thing. Every story you write is going to have flaws, and is going to look awful to you at some point, but eventually you WILL be able to look back on it and see the good as well as the bad, and more importantly, see how you’ve grown and it will be an amazing feeling! But you can't get there if you stop writing entirely or give up on what you're working on.

Uuuh, other than that...just stay at it! This is a numbers game at the end of the day. Writing a bunch is the best way to progress, protect the spark of your motivation like your LIFE depends on it. If someone or something is making you want to give up writing, get that thing out of your life (to the best of your ability)! My philosophy is that the ONLY thing early writers should be worrying about is writing as MUCH as possible. All the editing and advice and “do this, don’t do that” ALL that stuff is meant for so much later in the process. If any advice makes you want to write less, ignore it! If you write 100 stories, or 10 novels, or whatever, the last one WILL be better than the first one, it’s just the super cool thing about working on something! You just have to stay at it!