#i might just be a pessimist or something but i was genuinely shocked at the kinds of conversations we were having after watching

[karinyosa]

if you have been trying to educate people in your life about the ongoing genocide, i can't emphasize enough how useful a resource documentaries have been for me. not only do i learn things from them, but they can be so much more effective than a single post or article in terms of humanization, amount of information, and perceived credibility. they are also such good openers and foundations for having further conversations about palestine, colonization, and systemic oppression as a whole. like these documentaries got me to conversational points w family members that i never thought i'd be able to get them to any time soon on my own. some documentaries i recommend are children of shatila and frontiers of dreams and fears (both on netflix) as well as israelism, which is available for rent on its own site, but if you go into my "film" tag there should be a list of palestinian movie recs that are currently on netflix. i'll also rb it again after posting

[mydisenchantedeulogy]

Last Line Tag

Tagged by the wonderful and talented @carlosoliveiraa (thank you, hun).

Since I'm working on multiple WIPs at a time, I'll share a few. Below are snippets from The Highest Cost (The Lost Boys), Sweet Revenge (Beetlejuice), Love Me Bitterly (Hazbin Hotel), Future On Hold (Final Fantasy XVI), Where the Tainted Kiss (Far Cry 3), and Rapture (Resident Evil). Please enjoy.

The Highest Cost (David x OC)

“I just want to figure out why my dreams are linked to this town. There is something here, and they're trying to show me what.” 

Cadence scoffed. “If we stay here, we might die. Don't you think that's what they mean?”

Even after telling her at the hospital about David’s statement about her dreams being linked to her, she could not understand why Cadence wanted to leave. Did she not want to help her? What if the visions went away. She could be free of them. Yes, she was right about the danger, but Mia did not care. She was so close to the truth. 

David would understand. 

As soon as the thought crossed her mind, she immediately felt selfish. Was it her future she wanted to know more about? Or David. 

Sweet Revenge (Betelgeuse x OC)

The persistent honk-honk of a beat-up Accord speeding up the washed-out driveway woke Lilah from a dreamless nap. It was a strange belief that the dead could fall asleep, one that came as a shock four months ago when she first did it. But what really shook her was when she woke to find herself floating 24 inches off the floor. 

Love Me Bitterly (Adam x OC)

“Did you see who claimed the VIP seats?” Lita asked. 

Marcella clasped the necklace and then hummed. 

“No. I was just focused on getting here.”

Tossing her soft lavender hair over her shoulder, Lita motioned for her to follow and led her to the mouth of the tent. Seated in the VIP section, at the front of the stage, were a ‘Seraphim’, and two ‘Archangels’. Marcella widened her eyes in shock. One in particular made her heart race. 

“Azrael is here.” She could not believe it. 

Future On Hold (Cidolfus 'Cid' Telamon x OC)

“I don't want to sound pessimistic, but there is a reason the Deadlands are inhabitable.”

“For all we know,” Cid retorted. “No damn fool has ever tried to settle in it.” 

Eirene frowned. 

“Is the cause of the Blight not more important?”

“What do you reckon caused the Blight?” Cid asked. He sat the book down beside him and untied a pouch from his side, searching for a water crystal. 

Eirene had her theories, but she was not sure. 

“The Mothercrystals, I assume.”

Realizing that Cid might take offense, she tried to apologize. Quite a few Valistheans did not share her opinion, but luckily, the Lord Commander seemed to have an open mind. He merely snorted. 

“It makes the most sense, but until it's proven, making use of the Deadlands is the next best option.”

“And if we can not?” Eirene asked.

She was genuinely curious.

“Then we are doomed,” Cid answered grimly.

He believed that it was far too late, but he could not give up. With an initiated sigh, he poured the contents of the pouch onto the ground. The water crystal was missing.

“Fuck.”

Eirene sighed. She understood a little, but it was a fool’s errand. At least someone was doing something. She sighed and brought her hand out over the turned earth, materializing a sphere of water. Gently small drops wet the soil. 

A scolding grunt from Cid made her grin.

“Someone has to do it.” 

“Brat,” Cid retorted. 

Where the Tainted Kiss (Vaas Montenegro x OC)

“You want my fucking attention, huh?” Vaas asked. Even with a gun pointed at him, his eyes showed no fear. It was like he did not believe she would do it. “Come on. Show me how much of a badass you've become. ¡Muéstrame! ¡Vamos! (Show me! Come on)!”

Liv tightened her jaw. She was not afraid of him, but her hands trembled. Angry tears poured down her heated cheeks. She had him right where she wanted him. He was at her mercy, and yet she was hesitant. But why? He pushed her to this. He made her into a monster.

Rapture (Vampre Albert Wesker x OC)

Tossing aside the dust jacket, she took the ledger back to Dylan and squatted beside him, showing him the pages.

“What is this?”

“Fuck you,” Dylan rasped. 

His voice was coming back. The extract was slowing his regenerative abilities, but he still was not able to move much, aside from his head. 

Aria sighed in annoyance.

“Even in death, you lot are stubborn. Look…I know you're not scared of me. But you are scared of someone. This shitshow is going tits up as soon as I make the call, and you know who is not going to be happy. What I'm doing to you is gonna seem like a tickle compared to what he's gonna do.”

“I don't know who you are talking about,” Dylan retorted. 

Something in his voice seemed genuine. Perhaps he didn't know who he was dealing with.

“I feel sorry for you, I do. You'll find out soon enough.”

Tagging: @quinloki , @mishwanders , @the-resident-vampire , @bonez-drabblez , @lo1k-diamonds , @icy-spicy , @swamplinglvr , @savage-rhi , @nagumoan, @kazenomegaminowanpisu , and anyone who wants to play.

[kinkykinard]

Im not worried about Taylor either, but how can you be so sure about buddie? And I mean that genuinely, I see people who are just so sure it’s gonna happen and I can’t let myself have that hope 😣

Honestly?

I don't think it's happening soon. I high-key think the showrunners are going to drag the slow burn out as long as possible and leave us with a happy ending whenever the show ends up wrapping up.

It's no secret that Tim hates happy couples and right now, dangling Buddie in front of us like the proverbial carrot is driving a significant portion of the show's viewership whether people realize it or not. It's like chasing a high, it gives us all a hit of dopamine each week to think we might be getting closer and closer to seeing what we've been building up in our heads for umpteen seasons now. So if Buddie went canon right now, we'd all get blissed out for a couple of episodes and one of three things would happen.

One, it would become banal and run of the mill after a few short episodes because the show doesn't focus on slice-of-life type stuff and there's not much place for relationship dynamics in the sort of day-to-day things they DO show unless...

Two, something bad happens (Hen cheating, Bobby's brushes with substance use, etc etc) and the couple either struggles through it and then goes right back to option one OR they don't make it through and we get an unhappy ending, which would take enough people out at the knees that we'd see it in the ratings within a week or two.

Or, three, one of them gets hurt in a significant way and gets sidelined because let's face it, media is terrible at representing disabled characters, OR one of them dies in a shocking twist because it would get people talking and screaming, and that can generate a lot of buzz even if it's not necessarily in a happy way.

It is my personal belief that the most fun in fandom is to be had when we're all anticipating something big, watching and waiting and speculating and screeching about how much we want a big ship to get together. Once it happens, though, the fun goes right out of it pretty quick because the motivation to write fic, create content, and scream about all things we can't wait for/hope we get to see someday plummets because it's there, out in the open. I've seen it happen in so many other fandoms in past and it'll be more of the same here if we get Buddie too soon.

So while I'm not a complete pessimist and assuming we'll never get Buddie, I also don't think it's going to happen as soon as so, so many folks are hoping for. 🤷‍♀️

Just my two cents!

XoXo

[pinkvaquita]

affogato and birch would have such a complicated relationship man

like birch is definitely a very calm but pessimistic person, he tends to take things with a grain of salt pretty often and generally he tends to just be indifferent to a lot of things

even to affogato's whole plan to take over he's completely indifferent to it all, he knows affogato is going to get his ass kicked one way or another, he expects it so he doesn't do anything to change the course of things, doesn't inform anyone of his plans, but doesn't go along with them either, he just does his own thing and ignores what affogato is doing

but he does acknowledge that affogato is talking absolute bullshit, openly acknowledges it to carrow like it's common knowledge like "oh yeah no he's lying through his teeth", but he doesn't do anything

affogato on the other hand

affogato is a sleazy little bastard, but something about birch makes it impossible to keep up the lies to him, alongside the being married to him thing, affogato always rambles and rants to him, tells him everything about his plans because he knows the pupper won't say a word

birch doesn't snitch, affogato knows that very well, but birch also is a harsh critic, unafraid to tell affogato off for an idea because it might get him injured far quicker than he thinks it will, but birch also wants affogato to get his ass handed to him like he should, so it's a mix between making sure affogato won't end up dead but will still get an ass whooping, which does end up leading to his plan as of story mode

i can't help but imagine just how gentle affogato would be with birch, despite how physically numb the apothecary likely is from the number of scars (especially burn scars) he's gotten over the years

birch could spend like all morning out in the snow lands collecting herbs, come back covered in snow with red tinted joints, cheeks, nose, and ears, hell frosty finger tips, and affogato would be genuinely worried

of course understandably worried but nonetheless he'd be worried, and horribly shocked when he goes to grab birch's hands and they're fucking FREEZING- ends up yelling at birch who is just like "oohhh, so that's why they felt so stiff-" as affogato tugs him along to work on getting him warmed up so he doesn't fall apart at the joints

birch, oh birch would be terrified of touching affogato

affogato is considerably smaller than him, like birch is a good foot or two taller than him, birch is larger than him and that fact scares birch a little, because he's worried he's gonna hurt affogato somehow

but birch is hardly able to express that, of course due to his own mental arguments but nonetheless, he's silently scared his claws will dig into affogato's dough too much, to the point of hurting the dang bastard

even the idea of suddenly transforming in front of affogato spooks birch, because he's worried of how affogato will react, he's worried that that reaction might trigger something in his brain and he'll end up hurting affogato (surprise detail! even affogato is unaware of birch being a werewolf! he's aware the ears and tail are real but he doesn't know WHY birch has them.)

also consider:

affogato grumpily chiding birch about how careless he is around open fires and boiling liquids as he wraps up birch's hands with the cookie equivalent of gauze because the pupper stuck his hand over a stove to check the temperature like a dumbass (he has done this multiple times in the past)

asjnhdahwiau *perishes*

DEAR GOD I LOVE GAY PEOPLE

Also, i love he is so done with Affogato' shit xd

[actual-changeling]

See, personally I wouldn't call that optimism at all.

It's more of a healthy flavour of realism that's one of the core parts of recovery.

i think, to me, optimism is less about believing that everything is good and will be good, but more about knowing that you have to hold onto the hope that it is.

Optimism is believing that most of the time the good/better option will happen. Since it is now a humane time, let's have a look at scientific research! I love science.

I think an important facet to look at when it comes to Crowley in particular is something called the optimism bias.

This phenomenon is known as the optimism bias, and it is one of the most consistent, prevalent, and robust biases documented in psychology and behavioral economics. The optimism bias is defined as the difference between a person’s expectation and the outcome that follows. If expectations are better than reality, the bias is optimistic; if reality is better than expected, the bias is pessimistic.

Optimistic bias is actually super common!

Even birds and rats, for example, display an optimistic bias in studies. Why is that important? Because just as birds kept in small cages with bad living conditions do not have an optimistic bias, so do many humans that went through trauma or have a number of different mental health conditions that include depression as a primary symptom. You end up without an optimistic bias or even develop a pessimistic one—something my therapist generally refers to as a 'depressive worldview'. Not because it's always caused by depression but because I tend to assume bad outcomes based on past traumatic experiences.

What you described as "knowing that you have to hold onto the hope" that it will eventually get better is neither optimism nor an optimistic bias. It is pretty much what I meant when I said that 'Everything's going to be fine sooner or later' isn't optimism; it's what you need to tell yourself to not jump in front of the next train.

The mere need for that kind of thinking is proof that you don't have an optimistic bias because someone with said bias would automatically assume better outcomes without consciously thinking about it.

I think society as a whole has twisted the concept of optimism and turned it into some sort of desirable virtue, when in reality a strong optimistic bias can be just as harmful as a pessimistic one—especially because people selectively update their beliefs when they are given information that is better than what they initially assumed, but not when it is wors.

So with all that in mind, let's circle back to Crowley.

Crowley is not a mentally healthy person in any shape or form, the the fact that he is asking about the point of it all in the first place proves that he is not optimistic and doesn't have an optimistic bias. An optimist wouldn't ned to question reality like that because they automatically assume that things will turn out better than statistically likely, or, to put it bluntly, they're not depressed enough to doubt the validity of their existence.

It was quite a shock when I found out that the normal amount of suicidal and death-related thoughts to have is zero. The normal amount of questioning your existence is not doing so at all.

In conclusion: while book!Crowley might be a genuine optimist, show!Crowley is not, he is just clinging to whatever keeps him afloat.

I do wonder if Crowley's optimism is actually optimism. If it weren't 4 a.m., I'd do a philosophical deep dive, but since it is, I'll just try to string some thoughts together.

At the core of Crowley's questioning stands, "What is the point of it all?"—it's what he wonders as Starmaker and what he defeatedly asks Shax at the beginning of season 2. It strikes me as a very specific flavour of trauma-related existential dread reinforced by his fall and the concept of the ineffable plan.

The thing is that Crowley already knows the answer to that question; it's just not a satisfying one. Because what is the point of it all? of us? of our lives? of all the suffering and the good and the bad and, well, everything?

There is no point. It's a fact you need to come to terms with rather quickly if you grow up traumatized, otherwise, you will break. There was no point in Crowley falling, just as there's no point in anything he or Aziraphale did over the last few millennia—they just are.

It's why any meta questions focusing on God won't get anywhere, there is no answer God would ever offer us or them; there is no answer that matters, period. Maybe God has one, maybe they don't, but it has zero effect on the story or what happens to them. It's terrifying, in a way, to think about it like this, because if there's no point to any aspect of our lives, why bother? Why bother when there are so many horrible things that could happen?

And THAT is where we come all the way back around to Crowley's optimism. He has long accepted the lack of answers (though I can tell you from personal experience that you never really stop asking anyway), but he needs to find a way to live with the world as it is.

'Everything's going to be fine sooner or later' isn't optimism; it's what you need to tell yourself to not jump in front of the next train.

Crowley's optimism is dreams. Dreams of him and Aziraphale being happy and together, dreams of their cottage in the south downs, dreams of heaven and hell never touching them again.

Dreams of life turning out to be better than what he is currently living.

From the outside, it can certainly look like optimism, but I see him, I am him, and I can guarantee you that it's not. It's a tiny pinprick of light in an otherwise dark sky that may or may not be actually there, but if you stop telling yourself that it exists, there's nothing left but darkness. You're afraid of the dark and its teeth because you have been bitten by them before.

So you keep repeating it over and over and over, and maybe one day it will no longer be a lie or you will be the light, but for now this is what you got.

It is also the reason why Crowley is going to be a wreck in season 3. Finally, he thought, we can be together and happy, and in love without being afraid. He reached for the pinprick of light, thinking it to be a star, and got ripped apart by sharpened teeth instead. Crowley needs that lie, and he just got completely disillusioned.

What's the point when, after everything, Aziraphale still leaves him?

No matter how much they love each other, Crowley needs to find an answer to that question within himself, not in Aziraphale or anyone else.

[bajisbabe]

toman boys reacting to reader slapping them [part 2] - (takemitchi, chifuyu, mitsuya, and hakkai)

warnings: incredibly brief mention of blood, hint of toxic!chifuyu, angst(?) ⚠️spoilers for manga in takemitchi’s part⚠️

anon said: “I just read your Yandere Kazutora and I got hyped and laughed so hard like YEAH HE WOULD DO THAT JABDJDJAJSJ anyway I had a thought, what would happen if y/n was so pissed/embarrassed/flustered until she accidentally slapped toman Bois while they were teasing her? ”

part 1 (mikey, draken, baji, smiley)

part 3 (kazutora, angry)

— would probably cry, but would also be understanding

— not like full-on cry, but his eyes would definitely sting a bit

— eyes just a lil’ watery

— “yeah, probably shouldn’t have teased you like that, sorry”

— he’s sorry

— he’s not very good at comforting people

— ⚠️manga spoiler⚠️ remember when emma died and takemichi tried to comfort hina with the smiley faces drawn on his thumbs?

— he’s really sorry

— yeah, he probably did something stupid and insensitive without realizing which most likely is what led to him being slapped

— he can’t help it

— he’s not very good at reading the room

— would apologize repeatedly until you forgive him

— he low-key feels like shit because of what he did

— he really beats himself up for it, since he’s already such a pessimist.

— he’s really, really sorry

— please forgive him

— his stomach is twisting and cramping, he’s nervous and anxious to see if you’ll forgive him

— your opinion of him means a lot to him

— he’s pissed at himself for taking his teasing to a point where you would want to slap him

— he’s really, really, really sorry

— he’s sorry sorry

— he would probably distance himself from you for a bit, just to give you space in case you have yet to forgive him

— he’ll need constant confirmation after you forgive him, like really let him know that you truly and genuinely forgive him

— will ask for confirmation of forgiveness to the point where you get annoyed

— “are you sure? what I said was stupid, I—”

— “yes, takemitchy, I already said I forgive you!”

— be nice, okay? he’s sensitive

— would pull back abruptly like you punched you

— “babe, what the hell?”

— genuinely shocked

— he never thought you would put your hands on his like that

— is high-key offended

— probably won’t talk to you for a while

— would definitely give you the silent treatment

— but he is a bit of a simp

— would most likely be back in your arms before the end of the day

— would pester you silently to apologize though

— just staring at you begrudgingly

— and when you get all worked up and finally ask him, “what?”

— he says nothing in reply, just glaring

— say sorry, dummy 😃

— better make it quick too

— sometimes chifuyu gets in these moods where he completely shuts down

— doesn’t talk, doesn’t interact, doesn’t even acknowledge your presence. he’ll sit there and let you drive yourself crazy

— you better apologize quickly if you don’t want to fall victim to this

— you better hope luna and mana aren’t around

— they’ll swarm quickly, and block you from getting to their brother

— “don’t touch big bro!”

— mitsuya would chuckle quietly and push them away, probably telling them to go play in another room or something

— they hestiate, but they never disobey their brother, so they leave but not without throwing a glare at you over their shoulders

— once you and mitsuya are alone, or if you two were already alone, he’ll glance down and remain quiet

— he isn’t sure what to say, he never thought you would slap him

— he’s like, a little hurt by it, to be honest

— won’t say it outright, but he doesn’t like that you did that to him

— might consider breaking up with you for a split second

— wouldn’t care whether or not you give him an apology, but it would be nice if you did

— will be bothered by it, and makes you promise not to do it again

— if you got him because you were angry, he’d blame himself and apologize with a shaky and quiet voice

— rather mature about the whole thing, would remove himself from the situation and calmly offer to come back later after you’ve cooled down.

— would be shocked af for a solid minute

— mouth ajar and eyes wide

— damn, she really hit me huh? that’s craaazy.

— would eventually turn to you with a soft smile

— “and to think that all this time, I was worried about whether you could protect yourself or not.”

— he laughs, smiling wider, scratching the back of his neck

— “wow, you really hit me hard—huh?”

— his mouth his bleeding

— you practically socked him fr fr

— will laugh while you panic and try to fix it

— once you’ve done the best you can to patch him up, he’ll teasing guilt trip you about it but would probably stop in fear that you’d slap him again

— will point to his already existing scar and ask for you to kiss it better

— his scar is on his lip (as you can see), might I add 👀... mans just wants a kiss

— give him a kiss

[aureiki]

Bc of demand I'll be sharing my theories on (some of) the DRDT casts backstories! I'll be going in depth w more characters depending on what we know about them as of now, including the FTES, hidden quotes, episodes, etc!

The bgs for em are pretty vague, if not, unknown. Understandably so, we are only done w chapter 1 after all. Keep in mind, it's been a long time since I watched CH1! So my memory is not the best and I'll probably leave some things out by accident!

Starting with our lovely protagonist, Teruko Tawaki!

 "It is an equal failing to trust everybody, and to trust no one at all."

From what I know, Teruko had a brother n the two grew up in an orphanage together. But then he got adopted into another family and she never saw him again, which is really sad in itself. Along w that, major trust issues. Refusing to trust people w the fear of being hurt/betrayed again.

Unfortunately I don't exactly know what could cause that w the orphanage part alone, and I might need to wait til future chapters (sadly) to know more. But let's talk a lil bit about her hidden quote! (Which I'll refer to as HQ from now on)

It says that you should really not trust *everybody*, but at the same time not trust anyone *at all*. It's true, being so selective does have its downsides. I do believe Teruko was a lot more trusting and kind compared to how she is now, may relate to the first quote. She trusted people too easily, she trusted everyone, but they betrayed her and let her down. Not too far off from most people's predictions right?

Arturo Giles

"You hated them, but even that doesn’t justify what you did."

Arturo's HQ is what really inspired me to write this.. He seems pretty straightforward, (literally, he really is) a plastic surgeon obsessed with beauty/beautiful people and shuns those who aren't. What else is there?

'Hated them' I can see that, I mean, Arturo hates a majority, if not, ALL of the cast. 'But even that doesn’t justify what you did.' Ok what. If the HQ rlly do tie into their backstories this is flat out concerning. Is it implying Arturo did something awful to a person he hated? How awful would it have to be for it to even be justified? If it has something to do with plastic surgery, did he harm someone? Cause someone to off themselves because of what he did?

Though if what I said is true, I'm wondering why he still acts like an asshole despite it so. Maybe he doesn't care, maybe he's hiding how he really feels. This quote does fit the (assumed) guilt and shame theme after all.

David Chiem

"I hate you, I hate you, I hate you. I wish you could just die."

Big thanks to Ingram (charwhit-syndrome) for this theory :) David having said those words to someone he was close to, and then something awful happened to that person in turn. Which lead to David being a motivational speaker! I can definitely see it.

Also would (probably) explain his behaviour change sometimes, he's not a motivational speaker because he *wants to*, but because he feels obligated and needs to pay for what hes done. If he genuinely wanted to uplift others, it's odd that he's actually really pessismistic/lazy/rude etc.

I'm sort of shocked that those words would come from David, he's not an angel, but wishing death upon someone? Yikes. Though if the person he said those things to really did... y'know. His other side could be explained for, as depression. Always being so down and pessimistic, locking himself away from others, being too lazy and unmotivated to do things. Motivational speaking is probably his way to ensure others don't suffer like he does/his friend did.

Getting quite long already, I'll end it here! Will definitely continue the rest when I can! ♡ ´･ᴗ･ `♡

[themoonlitsojourner]

Chapter 3: Come back home

Gar thought Raven didn't care. And he couldn't fault her for it after what happened when HE wore his heart on his sleeve. But now she's here with him. And he can't believe just how wrong he was.

In the dark room, lit only by fairy lights and the stars on the ceiling, Tara and Gar danced. They swayed back and forth, shuffling their feet in a pattern neither of them quite knew. The way they were dancing wasn’t important, after all. They were content just to be together, no matter what they were doing.

“How’s this for a dance?” Gar grinned. “It’s not exactly prom, but-”

“It’s perfect,” Tara reassured him. With a sigh, she leaned forward to rest her head on his shoulder. “Thank you.”

“Yeah.” He smiled down at her, running his hand lightly through her silky blond hair. “It’s no big deal, really. I’d do a lot more for you.”

When Tara looked up at him, tears shone in her ocean blue eyes. Tears he hadn’t understood at the time, mistaking them for happiness instead of sorrow. For affection instead of the dread of what was to come.

Leaning forward, she kissed him, so softly and sweetly he knew he’d remember that night forever. But like all the others they shared, it wasn’t long before the memory turned bittersweet.

~~~

Gar wakes up slowly. Why rush to return to his empty room and the aching hole in his chest? To the endless rain pouring down both outside his window and in his head?

But this morning is different. Today he awakens to cool jeans under his cheek and a gentle hand resting on his shoulder.

Gar’s eyes flutter open. No, he’s not still dreaming. He’s definitely lying with his head in someone’s lap. And when he cranes his neck to look, he can’t quite believe his eyes.

It’s Raven, of all people, who sleeps propped against the wall, head bowed and hair falling in front of her face, her hand resting on his shoulder. Her lips part slightly as she exhales quietly.

How does she do that? How does she find peace and control, the two things that have eluded Gar all his life? Especially now, when his world has shattered on the ground. He can’t imagine what the inside of his skull must look like right now. He doesn’t need to be an empath to know he’s a mess.

And yet Raven stayed. She pulled the pain from him, despite the havok it must have caused in her mind and the crick she’s totally going to have in her neck when she wakes up. She kept her promise.

Maybe he shouldn’t be so shocked. Maybe he should have a little more faith in his teammate. But honestly… Gar’d always thought Raven didn’t like him. That she only tolerated his presence. It’s why he can’t quite wrap his mind around it now that her actions say differently.

She could have decided to wait out the storm, could have let him push her away like the rest of the Titans. But instead she went miles out of her way to meet him in the dark hole he dug for himself.

When Gar closes his eyes, he can picture how she pulled his grief into herself, face creased in concentration. He can picture the single tear that rolled down her cheek, the first time he’s ever seen her cry. She hurt herself to help him. Why, he has no clue. It’s crazy. He’s lying with his head in her lap, for goodness sake!

I’ve gotta be a real mess if she’s letting me get this close. It’s all he can think of, that he looks so torn apart that she’s taking pity on him. Whatever the reason, he’s grateful.

“Rae.” She doesn’t stir. “It’s morning, sleepy-head.” Gar can’t help smirking. “And I think this is the first time I’ve ever been awake before you.”

“It’ll probably be the last,” Raven mumbles, still half asleep but falling easily into the familiar pattern of their banter. She pulls away from the wall, straightens, and immediately winces. Yup. Crick in the neck. Blinking against the light from the window, her careful gaze scans Gar’s face. Searching for the cracks.

“Are you okay?”

The world roars back to life around Garfield, the pictures and memories he’s desperate to forget flooding in.

“No.” He closes his eyes.

Raven lifts her hand from his shoulder. A pang shoots through Gar’s chest. Time’s up. She’s going to leave now, but he really shouldn’t be surprised. He is surprised she stayed this long though, that she answered a request he had no right to make. What was he thinking, anyway, asking the team empath to keep his chaotic mind company?

Gar’s about to sit up and let her go, and he knows she’s thinking the same thing, when he senses her hesitate. And instead of pushing his head from her lap, she pushes his hair back from his face.

As her cool fingers brush his forehead, Gar means to hold still, to listen to the part of him that’s afraid moving will make her stop. But the other side of him is so much stronger. It’s the part that needs to be reassured and held no matter who’s giving it, the part that’s been touch-starved by the hours locked alone in his room.

So Gar forgets who’s reassuring him and curls into it, seeking out more touch, more comfort. He presses his forehead into Raven’s side, letting her crisp cold wash away the muggy heat of his room.

Until he realizes what he’s doing. Never, in a million years, would Raven let him get this close. He’s totally making her uncomfortable.

You screwed up, you screwed, now she’s definitely going to leave.

But Raven doesn’t push him away. She stiffens, yeah, and she hesitates. Then she continues to stroke his hair. Her movements are awkward and unpracticed (he knows this is way outside her comfort zone), but there’s genuine care behind them. Gar tries not to purr when her fingernails scratch against his scalp in a way all the animal in him likes.

But it only takes a few seconds for reality to set in. Gar can’t ignore it any longer. Raven might be willing to stay and keep him company, but she can’t.

She has to go meditate so she can recharge. She’s told the team over and over that it’s not optional, and despite her incredible mental strength, Gar can feel the strain seeping in. The struggle to keep her mind level and calm after last night’s onslaught of emotions reflects in the tight control of her movements. She has to leave, and he can’t ask her to come back. Not after how much she’s given of herself just to be here.

Not when he isn’t sure if he’s even worth the effort.

“You should probably go.” Gar rolls off her lap.

Raven watches him for a moment, surprise altering her neutral expression and lifting her eyebrows a fraction. Does she think he doesn’t know how much of a toll her powers take on her? Maybe not. He doesn’t exactly act like he’s paying attention most of the time.

Raven’s mask falls back into place and she nods, rising from the bed. Gar looks away as she walks toward the door, unable to watch her go but too scared to admit he doesn’t want to be alone. Too ashamed to ask her to send Vic in. He’d never look at Gar the same way after seeing him like this.

Garfield hears the door swing open, but it doesn’t shut. He glances over to see Raven standing with her hand on the doorknob and studying him. Her eyes soften when he meets them, just the smallest bit.

“You’re not alone, Gar.”

Then she’s gone.

Gar stares at the closed door. You’re not alone. Just like he told her so long ago, back when they were still kids. Before their lives got so complicated and tragic.

What did he know then?

~~~

Garfield stays in his room all day. Despite the stubborn pessimist that she is, Raven hoped he’d reach out if given a little more time and space. That he would let his friends and teammates help instead of locking them out.

Apparently, she should have stuck with pessimism.

Raven has been reading the same line over and over when Victor flops onto the other end of the couch. She doesn’t need to ask where he was.

“This won’t last forever.” She lowers her book to give Victor her best attempt at an encouraging and understanding expression. “He’ll come around.”

Vic doesn’t even look at her. The frustration in his voice isn’t quite able to mask the pain. “You sure?”

Raven doesn’t have an answer.

~~~

It’s not her place and maybe it won’t change anything, but by the time night falls she can’t stand by any longer. If he won’t come out, then she’ll come to him.

Raven steps into Garfield’s room, edging around the pile of dirty laundry. “Victor misses you.”

They all do.

He’s lying in the same position as last time, on his side with his back to the door. Watching the rain that never seems to end. “I think I’ve figured it out.”

Though he can’t see her do it, Raven lifts an eyebrow. “Figured what out?”

“Why you like to be alone. Why you like the quiet. It numbs the pain doesn’t it? Calms the storm inside.” He crosses his arms and pulls his knees to his chest. “It makes it easier not to care. It’s safer that way, isn’t it?

Raven’s skin goes cold. But this time, it’s not because of her powers. It’s fear for Garfield and the way he’s talking. “This isn’t about me. And everything you just said? That’s not you.”

Gar rolls onto his back, cloudy eyes drifting to her face. “I just wanted to say I get it now. I’m sorry I didn’t before.”

This is not a time to freeze up, or wonder why in the world Gar chose to talk to the one person in the tower who is least equipped to help him. This is not a time to wish she’d learned something other than control and magic from Azar, such as how to interact properly with others. No, this is a time for action. To do something, to say something to help her friend. And maybe it won’t help. But Victor’s words echo in her mind.

Will it hurt?

Gar blinks, jaw falling open as Raven kneels beside the bed and lays her head on her arms, tilting it sideways so that she can meet his wide green eyes from the same angle. She needs to be on his level. See things from his perspective, both literally and figuratively.

“Quiet keeps the pain from getting worse. Solitude protects others from the storm.” She shakes her head. “But neither makes it better.”

~~~

Gar has never been this close to Raven before. Even when his head was in her lap she was still “up there,” her face a good two feet away from his. There’s always been a distance between them, both physically and emotionally, one that he could never figure out how to cross.

But now they’re equal, literally seeing eye to eye. Maybe that’s why Gar finds traces of... of feeling on the face he’s always thought battled Cinderblock’s for the title of stoniest. Or maybe the traces were always there. Maybe he just didn’t understand them until now. That’s true of a lot of things, actually.

He never thought of Raven’s distance as protection, both for herself and for her friends. But betrayal and loss really change a guy’s perspective on the world. So does a walk in his teammate’s shadowy shoes and even darker mind. Not that he’d ever tell her he could feel her emotions just as well as she could his when she used her powers to lessen the pain. She’d be mortified.

“I know it’s the last thing you want right now.”

Garfield’s attention flicks back to Rae, noticing the lavender color of her eyes as she speaks.

“But come downstairs. Please.” She drops her gaze, almost… embarrassed?

“Your friends miss you. They need you.”

Need… him? Gar can’t recall anyone ever saying they needed him. During a mission, sure, “Beast Boy, we need you to turn into a dinosaur,” but that’s Beast Boy. No one has ever needed Garfield.

He lowers his ears. “You need me?”

“Yes. We’re not a team without you.”

We. She’s saying we now. And he thought she’d prefer the team without him. Guess I was wrong about a lot of things.

Raven’s voice drops, and Gar knows what she’s about to tell him is important.

“What you said before, about not caring… I’m not supposed to care. It was the one rule I made when I joined the Titans, to protect myself and the others.” She tenses her jaw. “If I didn’t care, there would be fewer emotions to keep under control. And it wouldn’t hurt when the team told me to leave after they found out what I really was.”

As if we’d ever let you leave.

“Yeah. I understand that now.” Gar swallows past the lump in his throat. “It’s pretty smart, even though we’d never do that to you.” If I hadn’t cared about Tara, then I wouldn’t be hurting like this. My heart wouldn’t be shattered on the ground.

“No.” Raven shakes her head, frustration seeping into her voice. “No, it isn’t. That’s not what I’m saying.”

Gar scrunches up his nose, baffled, and she sighs.

“I’m not explaining this right. Garfield…” Her expression softens, and the mask falls away from her face. Completely and entirely. And for the first time, Garfield sees Raven, really sees her. No walls. No sarcasm or deflection. Just Raven, real and complete.

“I do care,” she confesses. “About you, Koriand’r, Victor, and Richard.” She looks away. “I care a lot. When it comes to the team, I’ve found it’s impossible not to.” Her brow furrows. “That means I’m going to get hurt someday, one way or the other. Something terrible will happen, or someone will walk away from the team, and I’ll feel like the world is ending.”

Just like I do right now.

“But it’s a price I’m willing to pay for my friendships.”

Raven pauses. Then she speaks slowly, as if realizing how she truly feels for the first time. “They’re worth it.”

Garfield’s mind whirls, set afloat in a strange new dimension where Raven makes eloquent speeches and shares heartfelt secrets. Where she cares about even him.

“You don’t hate me.” To Gar’s complete embarrassment, his voice cracks and the waterworks start. “I-I really thought-”

Raven’s eyes widen in complete horror. “Hate you? No! You… actually thought that?”

“You told…” Gar can’t say her name, images of blood soaked bandages flashing before his eyes. His hands tremble as he clears his throat and forces himself to continue. “Y-you said you used to.”

Raven falls silent. He can almost see her working through her thoughts. He had no idea how much went on behind her blank expression.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. Sometimes I’ve been annoyed or irritated by you, especially during the first year. But I’ve never hated you.” She blinks and glances away. “It’s, um… kind of impossible, actually.”

For a moment, Gar forgets that Raven is Queen of No-Hugs and throws his arms around her neck. But this alternate dimension just gets stranger when she awkwardly pats him on the back in return.

Outside, the skies open up with a loud crash as the storm that the constant rain’s been threatening to bring all week finally breaks. Raindrops pound against the window in a steady rhythm while low thunder rumbles in the background. It sounds good. It feels like a release.

“I’m not going to lie.”

Gar lets go and pulls back, watching Raven’s face as she exhales.

“It will be hard at first. You’ll feel like you’re faking it every time you do something that makes you happy. But the joy will come back.”

“How do you know?” I want to hope, Rae. I want to so badly.

“Because you’re Gar.” She says it with finality, like that’s her whole answer. No hard logic or practical attempts to convince him. Just faith that he’ll come out alright because of who he is. Faith in him. “You’re stronger than you know.”

“Okay.” Garfield watches relief flood her eyes. She… she really was worried about him. “I’ll try.”

Five minutes later, Gar slips into the living room behind Raven, feeling oddly shy and self-conscious in his own home. But that only lasts the few seconds it takes for Kori to spot him.

“Garfield!” She flies straight at him like a rocket, stopping only inches short of running into him. Her eyes shine with unshed tears and she stretches out her arms. “May I give you a hug, please?”

“Why not?” Gar shrugs, blinking to hide his own tears. For once, he doesn’t mind how bone-crushing all Starfire’s hugs are. It’s never felt so good to have someone so happy to see him again. He’s never missed his friends this much.

The sound of Kori’s excitement brings Victor rushing in, Dick close at his heels.

A relieved grin splits the cyborg’s face. “BB,” he says quietly, holding out his fist. His soft brown eyes search Garfield’s face, still lined with concern.

With a start, Gar realizes how much he scared him.

“Cy.” He taps Vic’s fist with his own. “I’m… I’m sorry, dude.”

Stepping forward, Vic wraps him in a bear hug. “Man, don’t you dare apologize.” Is that… a sniffle Gar hears? “I’ve missed you, buddy.”

“Yeah,” Gar whispers into his best friend’s sweatshirt. “Me too, bro.”

After Vic releases Gar, Dick steps forward and wraps an arm around his shoulder, pulling him into a brief but sincere hug. “Good to have you back, Gar. Whatever you need, just ask. We’re behind you no matter what.”

Gar’s heart still throbs. The pain is still there. He has a feeling it will be for a long time. But as his gaze drifts from friend to friend, from teammate to teammate, he knows he’ll be okay.

His eyes land on Raven. The slightest corner of her mouth turns up and she nods, reminding him that he’s not alone. He never has been.

(Chapter 1) (Chapter 2)

(Previous fic in series: Slow dancing in the Darkness)

(Next fic in series: The Sound of the Sword)

[spookybreadstick]

Bloody Painter’s relationships with the other pastas 💞🎨

please note that i write the pastas as i see fit but this is just something i fall back on and is generally how i write them

🌲Slender🌲

🌲Their relationship is strictly professional on Helen's end.

🌲 He is thankful for Slender, but their relationship means business in his mind. 

🍬LJ🍬

🍬 Does NOT get along with LJ

🍬 Find him to be extremely annoying and wants nothing to do with him 

🍬 Helen has def gone off on LJ before, multiple times actually.

🧵Puppeteer🧵

🧵 They are friends, but their friendship is complicated. 

🧵Their personalities are quite different, but they have stuck together somehow.

🧵Helen is grateful (although he won’t say it outright) that Puppeteer allows him to keep his artwork at Puppeteer’s place, for storage purposes. 

🎮BEN🎮

🎮 He thinks that BEN is dreadfully annoying 

🎮 He also wants nothing to do with video games, which is a shock for BEN. 

🔪Jeff🔪

🔪  Yikes

🔪 He hates Jeff, because Jeff likes to give Helen a hard time. 

🔪  If Jeff wasn’t such a jerk to him, they might’ve actually gotten along.   

🧣Liu🧣

🧣 They’re acquaintances. 

🧣He doesn’t mind Liu, but he does mind Sully. 

🧣He would never take it out on Liu though, and just avoids Sully when he’s fronting. 

🤍EJ🤍

🤍 They get along fairly well. 

🤍 Helen has a lot of respect for EJ, mostly because he’s a tad frightened of EJ. 

🖤Jane🖤

🖤 They have a professional relationship. 

🖤 Truth be told, Helen sort of admires Jane. 

🖤 He would never tell her that though. 

🖤 He just thinks she’s neat and strong and powerful. 

⏰Clockwork⏰

⏰ He respects her and enjoys her company. 

⏰ But not in his studio. Clockwork is too chaotic to stay calm in the studio. 

💄Nina💄

💄He doesn’t like Nina. 

💄She accidentally misgendered him upon their first meeting (calling Helen a girl) and he has never forgiven her.

💄 Helen refuses to speak to Nina after that, because he was so offended. 

💄Helen works hard to appear masculine and escape from the trauma that his parents put him through, and he HATES being misgendered. 

💄 Jeff does it out of jest, and Helen hates it but knows that Jeff is trying to get him rilled up. 

💄 When Nina did it because she genuinely thought he might be female, that hurt a lot more. 

💄Honestly, even if that hadn’t happened, they would still not have got along. 

💄He would just be too annoyed with Nina’s personality. 

❓Hoodie❓

❓They’re friends.

❓ Hoodie knows when to leave Helen alone, and when it’s a good time to approach him. It’s just an innate thing. 

❓Hoodie is a silent type, which brings out Helen’s (usually another silent type, but not as much as Hoodie) “talkative” side. 

🎭Masky🎭

🎭 They’re sort of friends.  

🎭 Helen doesn’t mind Masky, especially since Hoodie (a friend) and Masky are practically attached at the hip some days. 

🎭 Masky and Helen have a similarly pessimistic outlook, and they each appreciate that about the other. 

🪓Toby🪓

🪓 Helen and Toby do not get along. 

🪓 Helen finds Toby to be incredibly annoying and way too hyperactive. 

🪓 Helen often makes rude comments about Toby under his breath. 

🪓 The other thing is, Helen is not understanding of Toby’s Tourette’s. 

🪓 He is easily irritated by the tics, and will yell at Toby to stop it. 

🧸Sally🧸

🧸Honestly, Helen is not a fan of children. 

🧸 He does his best to avoid her, because while he doesn’t want to be rude to her, he will def come off like a jerk. 

[henlex]

Onlyoneof Compatibility: Junrie

Suns

Rie: Scorpio I'll try to be unbiased I swear

Mysterious, driven, water sign so driven by emotions. Fixed sign so stubborn. They love power and can be very strategic about getting it (you might even realize because it can be really subtle) They love to investigate things, get to the bottom of things, basically find the truth or deeper meaning. Don't shy away fr confrontation, not easily intimidated. They can be pretty secretive, they don't easily open up but would love to hear you talk about yourself and learn everything about you.

Junji: Aries. Fire, very driven, energetic, can be a bit childish. They're straightforward and want everyone to be as well. Naturally athletic, or at least meant to move their bodies (main dancer yesss) They tend to live in the now, don't think things through too long because they want to get moving. They know what they want and go get it, they can be very brave because they don't let anything stand in their way. They enjoy a challenge.

Moons

Rie: virgo, earth. They like stability and enjoy taking care of the little things in life like running errands. But they can also nag a lot😂 But if you show them appreciation they'll happily help you too. They really like feeling needed and helping, they'll probably be the first to jump in if someone needs help. They really like living simple, unassuming lives. They can be easily overwhelmed and worry a lot. They thrive on routine. They can get restless and nervous but love to analyze and are detail oriented. They shy away from new people, can be stiff about affection, but show their affection through small gestures. Reliable, good for advice. They can be quite shy in love. Very interested in others problems and can be skeptical.

Junji: leo, fire again. Often not outgoing but like being the center of attention with those they're close to. They like to organize and be in control of their group. Very creative but can be bossy. Jshfjsnjf they need a lot of love and care to function😭😭 (is this why he's so cuddly) They can be very dramatic if hurt, with big displays. Very proud and don't like being controlled. Not easy to change their mind or their plans. Strong sense of fairness and justice. Apparently these are cuddly mfs

Mercury

Rie: scorpio am I reading myself I'll be unbiased I swear😂😂

So they really love finding answers, getting to the deep truths, constantly learning. But it goes to places other don't dare go or haven't even thought of. VERY observant. They hate anything and anyone superficial and tend to see right through it. They can be suspicious and pessimistic. Great communicators, but can be prone to lecturing, but are passionate about giving advice. They are best at judging when they aren't personally involved. The secretive scorpio nature likes to keep their own secrets hidden. It's Very hard to win an argument against them. But when they aren't emotionally involved they are very lucid. VERY protective of those they care about, and will defend them with anything they've got. Prone to jealousy, they tend to expect the worst from others. They love mysteries and challenges.

Junji: Aries, is this whole man fire!?!?!

Quick decisions, they don't like mulling things over because they don't have the patience and need instant gratification. Very direct communication...again. Rip this boy is Not subtle. Can be agressive-fire- especially when they are opposed. Childlike. They can be sensitive and defensive. Not detail oriented. Truthful and direct but innocent and enthusiastic. Idealistic/ optimistics. They love new things: opportunities, ideas, challenges. But they might drop old things for something more exciting. Motivating and fun with infectious enthusiasm.

Venus

Rie: Libra: air, a big change.

This boy is so soft oml. Will try to impress you with their kindess😭 They can be very gentle and exact which can come off as insincere. They always go for the middle ground and expect to be treated fairly. They will make concessions to make the relationship work. Any imbalance will make them unhappy and slowly wear them down. They could express this is underhanded ways.

Junji: Aqua, Air another big switch. Open minded, unique, and rebellious and want everyone to know, especially the object of their affections. They really like being recognized as being different. They like unconventional relationships which can mean a lot of things depending on their circumstances and culture. They don't like any restrictions, don't follow anyone's path. They really want to break the mold even in shocking ways, but they can also come off as cold or stand-offish. They want their lover to also be their friend. They also want someone to appreciate their mind and ideas. They need room to be themselves and they'll give you the same.

Mars

Rie: Virgo: earth, productive, goal oriented. They like to do a lot of things, can be stubborn or particular about the way they do things. Not one to anger but when pushed they can nag A Lot. Sensitive. They can be nervous and restless. They need to be busy or they really struggle. Shy and humble especially when they don't feel knowledgeable enough, but they are curious and will want to learn everything they can.

*Sex- healthy views of sex. Simple and sweet. Attracted to people who have gone unnoticed. Like a person's imperfections. Very attentive. Like to care of the other. Sub. Very curious.

Junji: Aries...wow junji just🔥🔥🔥🔥 Ok so lives in the present, can be quick to anger but it's quick to pass. Impulsive. They go in and out of crushes fast😂 "they feel alive when they have someone to desire" good lord. Spontaneous as always, quick decisions, hardly deliberates on anything. They don't like when life is predictable so they're always going and trying new things. Relationships with them are exciting but hard to keep. Very impulsive. Again they're very direct and hate when others are anything but that.

Sex: spontaneous. Like an innocent/ pure partner 💆🏼‍♀️ Agressive, love a conquest. It literally says they like their hair messed with EYE

Bonus: north nodes

Rie: libra rip it's me again. So he needs to learn cooperation and trusting others. He's comfortable in Aries, aka being independent and doing everything for himself. He can be selfish but he's meant to be in relationships. That will make him feel whole.

Junji: virgo. So he's basically supposed to get his head out of the clouds and not only follow his inner voice. He's comfortable in the dreamy pisces but he has to learn how to keep his feet on he ground and observe. Can be sensitive to the world.

*Messy thoughts and summary*

They both probably wake up early and enthusiastically take on the day, that's so cute.

They both love organizing and hate a change of plans 😂😂

They both love a good challenge

Rip Rie really likes to think things through while junji just goes. This could either drive them insane or they could balance either other. I think junji would understand ries thoughtful nature tho because of his leo moon  

So junji doesn't like being controlled and is care free and Rie isn't controlling but likes taking care of the day to day. It could be perfect. Junji can be free and rie can take care of things.

So Rie is very Very detailed and junji is not at all.... Which is complimentary if they don't try to change the other

Junji is that childlike optimist that Rie needs. Could really help him kind of unwind or just enjoy things/ have fun, be carefree. But also Rie could help ground junji.

They just seem like a perfect match....in bed

Rie's slower moving nature could drive junji insane but that's not a guarantee 😂

I'm emotional. Junji literally is meant to learn and become more like Rie. That's called fate.

Lads rie's soul is comfiest in junjis sun.... Hello. I wonder if he feels super comfy with him because he Understands him so deeply. But it's also a relationship and theyre learning all of these things from each other and they're genuinely Made to do that. I'm. Hahaha Soulmates wtf.

Rie overall is really just silently observes literally everything. He for sure knows everything about everyone and is just chilling, watching, learning.

[dragonrajafanfiction]

Tokyo Love Story (Part 2) Perishing Flower

The competition is starting to get pretty heated.

@rurifangirl tagging by request

Ruri Kazama broke eye contact with you and looked around, "Is Sakura-sensei not here?"

"How do you know Sakura is not here? Have we met? Maybe he's hiding among these people, but you didn't recognize him." Caesar sized up Ruri Kazama, straightening up and looking him up and down.

"I've never met Sakura-sensei, but I think he has the eyes of a lion." Ruri Kazama smiled.

"You'd better ask a lion if he agrees with your assessment." Caesar raised an eyebrow.

Ruri’s words reminded you of the moments in the elevator that took you to the basement of Genji Heavy Industries. Z’s fearsome jealousy had reminded you of a snarling lion. Just the idea of someone else touching you was enough for him to lose his patient aloofness. But you don’t remember seeing such a fortress-like possessiveness in Lu Mingfei.

"Are you looking for us or something?" Caesar asked.

"Something indeed, but, first, let's settle the grievance at hand." Ruri Kazama walked up to the angry woman and bowed deeply, "Please forgive me, but the life of an escort is not as you say. If we are really just dogs, then you who are accompanied by dogs should also feel degraded, right?"

   "I.... I..." In front of this spring-like young man, she blushed rosy in embarrassment.  Her stomach gurgled. She had not eaten since last night.

"It sounds like you are hungry. If you don't mind, I'll make you some food first. Let's talk about the apology afterwards, okay?"

"I'm so impressed! I've been to the bar where you appeared in Osaka! Can I have a card later?" The woman was flattered as he gently ushered her away.

Even though he wasn’t speaking to you or giving you any direct attention, his honeyed words to Caesar, his positive comments about Lu Mingfei, and his quiet but firm defense of Chu Zihang calmed your irritation and you felt your assessment of him increase significantly. Who wouldn’t appreciate a man who treated your found family with dignity?

Whale followed Ruri Kazama and the other lady to the kitchen and, just like that, the tension in the room melted away. People milled about and started talking, except for your four suitors who looked like they felt at a loss. The Takamagahara was supposed to be closing, but they didn’t want to leave you with the Titan of the Male Escort world. They want to at least keep up the appearance of competition even though they felt completely outmatched.

“You can put me down…” You tell Chu Zihang.

“Your wounds will show.” He murmured.

You turned to the four men and opened your mouth and, with great effort to use your broken voice, you squeaked. “Can I borrow someone’s jacket? I’m sorry to ask this.”

In a flash, all four of them rushed to you with their warm and inviting coats, holding them out with pleading eyes even though you sure you smelled like a sewer full of rotten fish.

In the end, you picked Chance’s puffy coat. You liked that he had the nerve to laugh in this situation when you came in. He never took the situation all that seriously. You valued a sense of humor in a moment like that. Chance looked genuinely surprised. A bright smile appears on his face.

You take the jacket and Chu Zihang sets you down and helps you into it. You grace them all with a smile, flinching at the disappointment and rivalry of the men around you. The emotions among the three whose jackets you snubbed were running high in the presence of Ruri Kazama and it was a little embarrassing.  You hurry over to the Takamagahara’s fancy bar, where he was cooking breakfast for the woman who had assaulted Chu Zihang.

Ruri Kazama skillfully turned on the induction cooker and kettle and poured the milk and cocoa powder into the blender while frying the eggs. He found half of a fresh pine mushroom and two shiitake mushrooms in the fridge, diced them, and spread them on top of the eggs. The golden noodles were poured into a bowl. Ruri Kazama seasoned them with fish sauce and scallions. The pine mushroom omelette was spread on the noodles, and the hot cocoa was ready. Less than ten minutes later, breakfast was presented on a tray and brought to the lady.

"The ingredients are not quite complete, so please bear with me." Ruri Kazama said apologetically.

The lady took a bite of the omelette and her lip trembled. For a brief moment, you understand that deep down, she was so miserable and incredibly lonely, that she would spend thousands on her selfish desire for Chu Zihang, but would shed tears over a simple breakfast served up with a tender heart. You feel an uneasy movement in your chest. Why was he making you feel sorry for this woman when you wanted to kill her mercilessly just a few minutes ago?

Then you remembered the female deadpool, whose claw now hung on your belt. You felt something towards that mindless creature before you shot it. You huff, smiling dryly. You never thought of yourself as a sentimental person, but you weren't completely devoid of compassion. You felt sorry for that monster. Why not this one?

Ruri now approaches you, wiping his pale delicate hands with a warm, moist towel. In the morning light, the side of his face has a sparkling sheen of sweat. His skin seems to be as fine as rice paper.

“It is said that the flowers that bloom in Siberia are the most beautiful.” Ruri’s silken voice was very soft next to you, and the men gathered in the hall strained to hear what he was saying.

“They don’t last very long though.” Your words were also very quiet, but rough, like a scratched up vinyl record, as your voice was still paralyzed from fighting in the fire. Your tired, pessimistic response might have shocked those who could hear it, especially coming from a young beautiful girl. Such words are more appropriate for an old and weary woman. Ruri Kazama was supposed to be famous, but you didn’t know him. Without that clout of reputation, his line was cheap when placed against the background of your dark reality. And at this moment, you weren’t going to mince words with him. Tired and sore, you were at your most vulnerable but also at your most unforgiving.

Ruri, however, nodded once in confirmation, his voice lowered even more. “Indeed. Further… the line between full bloom and decay is impossible to see.”

Within your heart, something stirs again. It’s not love or compassion, but a deep ache, a sorrow that nestled there. It tightened like a string around your throat. You couldn’t deny the truth of these words. You were young, like a blooming flower, but death followed you so close it breathed down the back of your neck. Each day could be your last.

Ruri’s voice stayed gentle and kind. “But don’t be sad, Main Character. Now is your time to shine in the sun and dance with the other flowers. Look around you. The most handsome men in Tokyo are bowing at your feet. You have dined with the most powerful men of Japan. Do you know why?”

Even if you hadn’t lost your voice, you’re so choked up that you can only speak in a hoarse whisper. “Why?”

“Because it’s these small, ephemeral blooms that men will travel hundreds of thousands of miles to see… and it’s women like you, perishing flowers in full bloom, that men desire the most.” He then takes the bouquet of tulips from the bar counter and offers them to you.

Such poetry, wit, and charm were enough to make Caesar annoyed. Not only was there a super hybrid that surpassed him, but a male escort with more appeal than him! Ruri Kazama’s winsome words were affecting some of the men in the crowd who blinked, misty eyed, and turned away to pretend to wipe away a bit of dust.

You let out a soft sigh and look at the bouquet of tulips. They seemed to be bought from a convenience store. Chu Zihang was right. This wasn’t about physical beauty, popularity or riches. He could tempt you with a simple suit and cheap flowers because your heart stirred at his words. He pulled up the emotions from deep inside like a skilled fisherman. He was unlike the other men who were gaudy, energetic. With practiced ease, he opened your heart, no alcohol required.

You looked back up at him. He had a knowing look in his eyes. At that look, the sorrow faded and something else turned over in your soul, as though you were sitting at a card table and you flipped the cards over in a game of Blackjack!  You take a breath and lift yourself up a little straighter. “Perishing flower? Do you think I’m perishing? Mr. Kazama, you are mistaken.”

A loud gasp rippled through the room.  Had you met the night before the raid at Genji Heavy Industries, there was no doubt that you would have fallen sobbing into his arms and given him a star heart. You’re not sure where he got his information from. It would have been accurate. Yesterday, you were perishing. You were not only hunted by death, but you had been actively seeking it.

But that changed. You had to live. For Caesar, for Renata, for Z… for yourself. With your melancholic response, you’d baited him, even if it wasn’t intentional, into revealing that he was no Caesar Gattuso. His heart was like how your heart had been, seeing the decay even as he bloomed.

“If you’re seeking a star-heart from me, then it's too late. The Takamagahara is closed. However, you’ll have another opportunity tonight. I’ve not given anyone a star-heart ticket, so you’re still in the running.”

Ruri Kazama’s eyes fell, realizing that, like the suitors before him, he too had lost this round. His smile remained frozen on his face for a moment, but then he retracted his flower bouquet, silently accepting his loss.

As Ruri moved back around the bar,  the entire room was stunned and frozen with shock. The large woman’s fork clattered to the plate and she stared open-mouthed at you. Never in six years had any woman refused Ruri Kazama! Quick to jump on an opportunity, the woman reached for Ruri as he passed. “It’s alright, Master Kazama. You don’t have to pay attention to …”

Ruri Kazama pressed a finger to her puffy lips and smiled. “If I won on the first day, it wouldn't be much of a show, would it?”

The woman nodded briefly, her eyes following him as he moved away. Then she glared at you and took another bite of her omelette, turning up her nose. “Hmph!”

Caesar's face was full of black lines, looking all the world like a jealous and protective older brother. Ruri approached him, humbly nodding his head.

"Having heard of the grace of three fellow masters, BasaraKing, Ukyo Tachibana and Sakura, and, with a desire in my heart to get to know the Main Character, I came here to invite you to watch my Kabuki performance tomorrow night." Ruri Kazama held the tulip bouquet in his hand to Caesar.

Caesar looked into the bouquet before taking it. From inside of it, he removed four envelopes. After examining them for a moment, his whole body tensed and he gave Ruri Kazama a sharp glare. Ruri Kazama leaned forward and whispered something in Caesar’s ear.

"I look forward to seeing all four of you at the show." Ruri Kazama  raised his voice and bowed deeply in farewell. He turned toward the door as a black Rolls-Royce sedan gilded noiselessly up to the curb and the driver pulled the door open for him.

"There's a call for BasaraKing. It sounds like Sakura," Fujiwara Kansuke said, holding a cellphone.

You sit up straight abruptly and gasp at the pain that shoots through your back.

Caesar took the phone, "It's me. You're actually not dead?"

Chu Zihang lightly touched your shoulder. “Lu Mingfei is probably alright. Let’s go. I’ll prepare a bath and let you rest.”

In the elevator, Chu Zihang stood next to you. His pale face was turned technicolor by the gaudy lights of the car. “I really thought that you would accept the bouquet. You seemed to react to Ruri Kazama.”

“He’s something special, that’s for sure.” You pulled the jacket over your shoulder, feeling cold after coming in from the rain. “Were you moved by his words?”

“I was more moved by yours.”

You tilt your head up at Chu Zihang, smirking, “A… sou-ka?” was a phrase you’d heard frequently and picked up. “You’re not competing though.”

Chu Zihang had just put the fire under the big barrel and filled it when Caesar knocked. He stepped out of the room for a moment and shut the sliding door. They were speaking quietly to each other for a minute or so, but you couldn’t make out what they were saying. Chu Zihang moved back to the door but didn’t open it. “Lu M… I mean Sakura needs someone to pick him up. We’ll be back soon.”

“Stay out of trouble.” You slip out of your body suit as slowly and carefully as you can. Dry blood still fell from the skintight suit in chunks. Your soft, supple pale skin is contoured with years worth of cultivated muscle and scars, but your curves are still quite feminine. You were no wraithlike beauty. Your looks could be more comparable to a tigress. Your own smell hits as you sink into the warm water of the barrel, down to your neck. Before long, all the tension and pain in your body started to melt away and you sighed, your dark hair spreading into the water.

After about ten minutes, you hear a slow soft clap. You open your eyes. “Z… Hentai.”

“You don’t have anything I haven’t seen before. I want to congratulate you on facing the Dragon of all Men and easily routing him. You are truly a dragon slayer.” You turn your head. He was leaning against the wall in a leather jacket and pants, looking like he had ridden in a motorcycle here. He picked up the Deadpool claw and was tapping it against his black serrated army knife and making kissing noises.

“You wanna explain why you almost got us all killed?” You ask, eyes narrowing.

“What are you talking about?” He lowered the knives to look at you directly.

“You know what I’m talking about! I came this close to dying!”

“I didn’t ‘almost get you killed’. Those things had to die, and I showed you how to kill them! And you had fun, didn’t you?”

You turn away from him and let out a breath, settling deep into the water. “Yeah. I have to admit, you got me good with that laser pointer strat. But we almost died, Z.”

Z strolled in front of you again, sheathing his weapon and tapping the deadpool claw in his palm. “Plus you came away with this lovely souvenir. You know these are the sort of things legendary weapons are made out of.” He holds up the claw to the light. “But this is just a raw bone… it’s a bit vulgar to just be carrying around something like this. I should dress up properly, for a lady such as yourself.”

“Z…” You sigh. “When are you going to let me know what’s going on?”

“That time is coming soon. Very soon. The Kabuki performance will explain a lot to you. So play close attention, girl. There will be a test later.” He sets the claw down on a table and picks up his cell phone.

"I can't even ask one question?"

"You can ask one." He was texting and not looking at you.

"What is your relationship with Lu Mingfei?"

He answered quickly, much to your surprise. "He's my older brother. He doesn't like me much, so don't tell him I talk to you." He put the cell phone in his pocket. “In the meantime, I have to warn you not to fall in love with Ruri Kazama.”

“It’s okay… I don’t think I can fall in love with anyone anyway.”

“Not even me?” He looked up, his yellow eyes widening.

You gather your knees to your chest. You grumble, your heart sinking when you remember your kiss with him in the elevator. “When I told you I thought I loved you, you mocked me. You said I didn’t know what love was. You don’t even believe in it.”

“I never said I didn’t believe in it. I said I was curious. Everyone our age gets curious, right?”

You looked up at him, searching his face with anxious confusion. He looked at you seriously, like he was annoyed about something.  Your heartbeats faster under that golden gaze. Was he saying he did feel something for you? Or that he wanted to?

Z was quietly turning the claw in his hands while you watched him. “It’s tiring replaying the same old story. I think I’ll join the game.”

He set the claw down, having made a decision. He approached you. “Sleep well, you’ll need your strength tomorrow.” He leaned over and gave you a little kiss on the top of the head. He took a step out of your peripheral vision. When you looked to follow his movement, he had already vanished.

In the server room of the Takamagahara, the computer array controlling the game statistics for the MC Romance Competition lit up on its own. The machine beeped and made little scratching noises. The roster of contenders for the heart of the Main Character was edited to include one more space. Next to Ruri Kazama’s name and picture was another picture, but it was just a human shaped shadow. Underneath the shadow was a single letter.

Z.

[starship-squidlet]

Modern Stargate SG-1 Headcanons:

To go along with this post

Daniel:

Was always a nerd. Definitely had a “Greek mythology” phase growing up and never technically grew out of it, he just shifted a little more towards Egyptian mythology as he got older.

He felt closer to his parents when he was studying Egyptian mythology, and wound up turning it into a whole career by becoming an Egyptologist like they had been.

Guilty pleasure: Ancient Aliens.

Seriously, when he found out about the stargate and aliens and all of that his mind was absolutely blown. Even though he’d posited Ancient Aliens-esque theories himself, there was always a little part of him that went “there’s absolutely no way this is real and I might actually be a little crazy”. He did a little happy cry after going to Abydos and dealing with Ra and everything not just because all of that was over and they had won, but because he really was right and not crazy and all these theories he’d always wanted to believe but couldn’t quite bring himself to 100% believe really were true.

Aromantic/Asexual

But he still married Sha’re—he didn’t really have a choice.

Even after they got everything sorted out with Ra, and he chose to stay on the planet when Jack and the others left, he didn’t leave her. Initially, this was because he didn’t want her to be punished for not “pleasing” him or something like that (he had no idea how Kasuf and the other elders would react if he tried to send her away and didn’t want to risk her getting in trouble), but he did come to genuinely care for her. Once Kasuf and Skaara understood this about him, they were just as accepting of his identity as Sha’re was and became his family.

(Kasuf probably never truly understood what Daniel was trying to tell him about romantic/sexual attraction but he just smiled and nodded and accepted this weird kid anyways. All that mattered to him was that Sha’re was happy.)

When Sha’re was taken by Apophis, Daniel still joined SG-1 to get her back. He became almost immediate friends with Sam, who he always felt understood him on a level almost no-one else ever had, except for possibly Sha’re. Jack and Teal’c were friends on a different level, but they were no less close.

Has a lot of strong opinions on Google translate.

Tutors ESL students online (when he’s on Earth).

The only time his Duolingo streak was broken was when he ascended for a year.

Sam:

Sam Carter grew up a tomboy. While the other girls were all having tea parties and playing with dolls, she was building Lego spaceships with her brother and tying parachutes to plastic army men (and other toys) and throwing off the upstairs back porch of their house to see what would work.

In high school, she entered robotics tournaments and anything else she could get into.

She played softball and field hockey and was good at basketball even though she never joined the team. She took karate and tae kwon do and jui jutsu classes on the weekends. By the end of high school, she was teaching self defense classes at like the local Y or something.

She was also on the chess club in high school.

Got all As in math and science classes, but was more of a B student in any other subject—still above average, but she didn’t excell quite as much in the humanities.

Got into every college she applied to and got good scholarships to most of them, but decided to go to the Air Force Academy instead at the last minute without explanation to anyone.

No-one was more shocked by this move than Jacob, who had never expected her to follow in his footsteps. When pressed for answers by the school counselor, she said she felt it was her best chance to go to the moon someday.

In the academy, she excelled not only in her classes but in every physical test. She beat guys twice her size in hand-to-hand combat, had perfect aim on the gun range, and continued to get near perfect scores in her math and science classes in particular.

When Jacob expressed his pride in her accomplishments, it proved to be a mistake. She got into a slightly questionable relationship with one of the lowest-ranked guys in her year, who was always inches away from a dishonorable discharge. Her grades and performance slipped.

Some people suspected abuse when she would show up to classes with a black eye or split lip, but any suggestion of this to her would earn them the most wicked glare and a possible punch to the gut if no officers were around.

When Sam and her boyfriend got engaged, Jacob came to the school personally to try to talk her out of marrying him. He’d heard enough about the guy from his friends at the academy to feel the need to intervene, but this proved to be the worst possible choice. That weekend, Sam and her fiance ran off to elope. At the last second, she snapped to her senses and broke it off. Afterwards, she always denied that he had been the source of her bruises, but since those stopped after they broke up, not many people believed her.

She was one of the first people pulled for the stargate project and designed the majority of the dialing system herself. Once it was finished, she left the program to work on her doctorate.

When Apophis’s soldiers came through the gate and the stargate program was reopened, newly-doctorized Sam leapt at the chance to go to Abydos with Jack and his team. She never expected it to last beyond that one mission, but was certainly not complaining when they found the cartouche with more gate addresses!

She’s a very private person, and only discloses her feelings with those she trusts the most deeply. Daniel is usually the first to find out about stuff though—and not just romantic stuff; she also confides in him about things that she’s stressed or worried about, and he’s always the first or one of the first to hear her good news.

Besides Daniel, her closest friend is Janet Frasier. They went through basic training/the air force academy together, and reunited upon joining the stargate program. They started dating not long after joining the program, although they kept their relationship fairly quiet.

They went on a break after Janet adopted Cassie, and never quite found their way back to each other as partners, although they remained close friends. Never telling Janet how she really felt became Sam’s greatest regret after Janet died, and she devoted herself to Cassie to assuage her guilt over that.

Fierce feminist and a massive supporter of women in STEM and similar movements.

Disaster bisexual.

Jack

Jack and Sarah married fairly young and had Charlie not long after. He wasn’t exactly planned, but they loved him more than anything, and when he died it absolutely tore the two of them apart.

Jack went from a fairly happy-go-lucky, glass-half-full, ray of actual sunshine to a sarcastic, pessimistic, ball of anxiety literally overnight.

He was severely depressed after Charlie’s death, to the point where he actually had to be hospitalized.

When he was released, he moved back in with Sarah, even though they had been separated before his hospitalization. It wasn’t long after his release that he was pulled for the first mission to Abydos with Daniel.

After that mission, his nightmares changed. After Charlie’s death, they had all been about watching his son die, but after Abydos the nightmares now forced him to relive the deaths of his men, Daniel, and the boys who were killed fighting Ra. He and Sarah got divorced, and he went into early retirement.

To everyone’s shock, retirement turned out to be the best possible thing for Jack.

While he was still clearly depressed, he improved in leaps and bounds. He put a lot of energy into himself and his mental state, and, a year later when General Hammond called him back to Cheyenne Mountain, he was almost unrecognizable as a different person.

Going back to Abydos and seeing Daniel, Sha’re, and Skaara and his boys living and thriving was also really good for him. After Skaara and Sha’re were taken, he went into another spiral, but forced himself out of it by telling himself that he had to get them back. Was this healthy? Probably not. Did he care. Definitely not.

He didn’t really want to rejoin the air force and the stargate program, but did it more to watch over Daniel and to rescue Skaara than anything else.

He did come to truly love it, though, and even though the circumstances that brought him back were horrible he was still grateful to be part of SG-1.

Teal’c

Most of the Goa’uld system lords saw their female Jaffa as little more than breeding partners to the males, to create more Jaffa soldiers to serve their “gods”, and incubators for the juvenile symbiotes that all Jaffa carried, and Apophis was no exception.

Teal’c was fairly young when her father died, executed by Cronus for failing him in battle. She had already been in training with her father and Bra’tac—female Jaffa were expected to know how to fight, even if they were never called upon to serve their overlords in this way—determined to break out of the traditional path expected of her as a woman. Her father’s death lit a new fire within her, however, and she attacked her training with a new fierceness that unnerved even Bra’tac a little. She vowed to someday become the first prime of Apophis, Cronus’s greatest enemy, so she would one day have the pleasure of killing the god that ordered her father’s death.

The only woman in Apophis’s ranks, she literally clawed her way to the top of his Jaffa.

The other warriors feared her and whispered horrible stories of her victories in battle behind her back.

These were greatly exaggerated, of course, but Teal’c did nothing to discourage them. She wanted the most fearsome reputation she could get.

She gained a reputation for bloodthirstiness, fierceness in battle, and an almost animalistic nature when she fought. This caught Apophis’s attention, and she earned his favor.

Drey’auc was a childhood friend, and one of the only people Teal’c ever trusted enough to show her softer side to.

When Drey’auc’s husband was killed in battle, Teal’c took her and her newborn son Rya’c under her protection.

Deep down (largely thanks to Bra’tac and her father) Teal’c never truly believed that the Goa’uld were actually gods. She wanted to become Apophis’s first prime more for the power and respect that came with the position, and in hopes of having the chance to kill Cronus, than to actually serve him.

There were a lot of things that happened over her years in service to Apophis, both before and after becoming first prime, that really cemented her belief that the “gods” she had been raised to believe in were false, but she didn’t dare voice this to anyone but Bra’tac—she never even tonld Drey’auc, beyond a few vague hints.

When she met Jack, Sam, and Daniel and heard Jack promise to save the other prisoners, she saw it as her best choice to finally rise up against the oppression of the Goa’uld and jumped at the chance to help the humans.

On Earth, she realized that the humans there would trust her and respect her without the bloodthirstiness she’d been forced to show to the other Jaffa, and slowly began to relax slightly.

Seeing the respect shown to Sam, Janet, and other women on the base was basically revolutionary to her.

Slowly, she began to relax and open up to her new friends.

She sees herself as a protecter to her team in particular, and even to the SGC as a whole. Daniel, Sam, Jack, and Janet specifically are the people she feels the most protective over.

As time goes on, she slowly accepts SG-1 as a newfound family. As far as she’s concerned, the three of them are the siblings she never had, and she would do anything to protect them.

Drey’auc’s death rocked her to the core and led to a lot of questioning.

She almost left the SGC to take care of Rya’c, but it was actually Bra’tac who convinced her to stay, telling her that the Tau’ri were their best chance to defeat the Goa’uld once and for all and promising to take care of Rya’c in her name.

[randomfandomimagine]

What Would You Do Without Me? (Jaskier x Reader)

Characters: Jaskier, Geralt

Fandom: The Witcher

Tags: Reader Insert, Female Pronouns, Pining, Heavy Flirting, Fluff, Cutesy, Hurt/Comfort

Warnings: Injury, a little sad and angsty at first.

Word Count: 6k words.

Summary: Y/N is intent on exploring perilous lands and Jaskier, ever at her side, agrees to go wit her. His presence and comfort prove more helpful than she could have imagined.

A/N: I read this great piece by @lia-writes and was inspired to write some cute hurt/comfort of Jaskier myself. Hope you all like it! :)

AO3: Link

“No” Geralt insisted, not giving in.

“Well, I’m going!” You assured, turning to Jaskier. You were received with a concerned and cautious glance from the bard. “What about you?”

He rolled his eyes in a dramatic fashion and nodded his head at you.

“Of course I’m going with you, whatever will you do without me?”

You had to grin to his response, and so did Jaskier.

“Go ahead” Geralt interrupted. “But don’t blame me if you get killed”

“It is settled then” Jaskier patted the witcher’s back, earning a grunt from him.

Leaving the witcher alone in the inn, you walked outside with the bard.

“Perhaps this will make for a fantastic song” He started speaking as you went to the horses, too used to his ranting to have to turn around to him. “If we survive your reckless adventure, that is”

“So you do agree with Geralt” You briefly smirked at him over your shoulder.

“Uh, yes, I do” Noticing you walking ahead, he jogged a bit to stand by you. “I just didn’t want to say it in front of him”

“And give him the satisfaction of telling him he was right”

“Precisely”

You chuckled, absently glancing around the town as you made it to your horses.

“I mean, we are walking straight into uncharted territory, Y/N” Jaskier insisted. “We literally don’t know what sort of monster might be lurking in there"

“That’s what I want to find out” You nudged him in the ribs, to which he frowned. There was unease to his gesture as his eyebrows knitted together. “What lays at the outskirts of this town?”

“Possibly death”

“Or perhaps just another rumor and it is perfectly safe”

“Geralt didn’t want to go”

“Geralt wasn’t scared, he just couldn’t be bothered to come”

“Still…”

“Relax, Jaskier, I will protect you”

“You’re lucky you’re delightful, Y/N”

-

Mountains could be seen in the distance. The atmosphere was completely quiet once away from the busy town. Only the sound of your horses hooves was heard in the complete silence.

You slightly turned in your saddle, glancing at Jaskier. He moved on his horse, eyes glancing all around him. His shoulders were tense. His hands tightly gripped the reins.

“You’re terribly quiet back there” Your comment seemed to bring him out of his thoughts. Possibly pessimistic ones that involved danger and injury.

“Forgive me, my lady, if I’m cautious about this mysterious desert land that people say is cursed” He sarcastically replied, dedicating you a mocking grin.

“If you’re so worried, then why did you come?”

“I just can’t say no to you”

You laughed a little and sent him a flirtatious look. A genuine smile appeared on his lips and his shoulders eased down. You were opening your mouth to tease him when your horse suddenly stopped.

Merely exchanging a glance with Jaskier first, you faced forward again. The horse stirred in the spot, anxiously stomping on the ground as it paced up and down.

“What’s wrong?” You leaned forward to gently caress his neck, but that didn’t help.

“Y/N” Jaskier uttered behind you, just barely loud enough for you to hear. “Do you feel that?”

You straightened up when you realized what he was talking about. A certain darkness seemed to reign in the air, enveloping you and bringing a tight knot to your throat. Something evil seemed to be lurking in the shadows, threatening and dangerous. 

“I… Yes…” You replied, immediately regretting your foolish act of defiance.

During all your many travels with Geralt and Jaskier, nothing had happened. It was all fun as you mostly stayed in taverns and chatted with the bard. How naïve of you to believe that you couldn’t be touched for this reason. That nothing could ever happen to the witcher’s loyal companions, even without his presence.

“Perhaps we should go back to-“ Before Jaskier could finish his sentence, your horse cut him off.

He neighed and whipped his head around like he had seen a terrible apparition that didn’t reach your eyes. You desperately held on to the reins, but it was starting to become hard to stay on the saddle.

“Ah!” You shrieked when the horse stood in his hind legs and threw you off.

Your landing was rough and unpleasant, ridding you from all the air in your lungs. A blinding pain shot through your back, so overwhelming that you didn’t even know where it started. It just pulsated through your whole body as you struggled to breathe.

“Oh, gods!” Jaskier uttered, suddenly next to you. “Y/N!”

For a moment you grew disoriented as the pain claimed all your focus. You grimaced, trying to process anything. How had he gotten to you so quickly? What had happened? What did the horse see? Were you in danger?

“Are you alright?” Jaskier hovered over you, reaching out with his hands but being too afraid to touch you. “Speak to me!”

You gaped, breathless, and clung on to his arm. He scrambled for words as he gingerly pulled at you to sit you up. Then you could finally take a breath and recover. You finally got your bearings back as you locked eyes with him.

“I-I’m alright” You gulped, gasping as your heart thumped against your chest. “I think…”

Jaskier dropped his head and sighed in relief. His arm under your hands was shaking just as much as your entire body was.

“Can you move?” He kindly asked you as soon as you found with his blue eyes fixed on you.

Still slightly dazed, you nodded your head and let go of him. You folded your legs to try and stand up. At least you didn’t think you were hurt, it was probably just the shock of the impact.

However, as soon as you leaned a hand on the ground to push yourself up, that lacerating pain returned. It shot up from your wrist until it reached your shoulder. You screamed out, clutching your arm to your chest and rocking forward.

“What! What’s wrong?!” Jaskier urgently patted your knees.

You had to take a few deep breaths to calm yourself. Tears arrived to your eyes, and you only felt worse at the look of utter sadness and worry in his expression.

“My arm…” You breathed out, barely being able to move it. “I hurt my arm, it hurts so much…”

Jaskier stared at you helplessly. For a brief moment you thought he would break out crying himself. There was a long pause until he frantically stood up and moved around.

“Alright, we’re going back” You heard him mutter behind you. “Up you go first”

His arms snuck under your arms and he grunted as he lifted you up. The sudden change of height made you slightly dizzy. Or it could be just the dull ache that went from your right shoulder down to your wrist.

Jaskier hesitated to move, wanting to make sure that you could stand. When he assured that you wouldn’t fall back down, he hurried to step in front of you.

“I-I’ll take a look” He muttered, softly placing his hands on your shoulder.

Despite the delicate manner in which his fingers moved, you hissed in pain at the smallest of grazes. Jaskier heaved a restless sigh and watched you, eyes laced with concern.

“I-I don’t actually know much about this…” The bard shrugged, seemingly small and helpless. “It is a bit swollen”

You nodded your head and clutched the injured spot. The pain was so intense that it made it impossible for you to find your voice.

“Geralt probably knows more than I do” Jaskier added with a sudden cheerfulness that could be nothing but make pretend. “He might be able to help you!”

Once again, you solely nodded your head. You were pursing your lips so tightly that they hurt. Facing your back to the bard, you returned with your horse. The animal nudged his head against your collarbone as an apology for having done you any harm.

“Can you actually ride?” Jaskier’s nervous tone didn’t quite help your anguish. “Perhaps we should ride together, so-”

“I can ride” You urgently interrupted him, struggling to even breathe through the pain. “Just let’s get back as soon as possible, please” 

“Right… Yes, of course” Meek and obedient, the bard helped you get up on your horse.

He lingered by your side even once you were safely on the saddle. With a resigned touch to your leg, he finally went to ride his own horse, knowing there wasn’t much else he could do for now.

-

Luckily, you hadn’t been through a lot of pain in your life. Unluckily, this one was making you wish you could just faint and forsake yourself to a peaceful slumber.

You were hunched over in the saddle. By the point you finally made it back, you were at the end of your rope. As soon as you lightly pulled at the reins to stop your horse, Jaskier’s stallion to your left halted as well. The bard nearly threw himself off the horse to the ground in order to help you down.

His hands, clumsy but gentle, fell on your hips. He pulled at you until you were gracefully placed on the ground. You leaned into his touch, feeling too weak to stand. Not only was the pain becoming unbearable because of the intensity and duration, but your arm was also mildly numb and it was a very unpleasant sensation. Discomfort and nausea filled you and made you want to cry in frustration.

“Alright, stand still” There was distress in Jaskier’s voice as well.

“What are you doing?” You feebly asked as you leaned your head on his shoulder.

“Trying to…” He mumbled, wrapping an arm around your side and attempting to sweep your feet into the air. “There we go”

You were scooped into his arms, much to your relief. Having to hold your own weight proved exhausting on itself. You snuggled closer to him, shivering and whimpering, as you sought every ounce of comfort he could provide you with.

“Sh, it’s alright” He shushed, hoisting you up to properly hold you against him. “Geralt will help you, we’re almost there”

Jaskier strained as he walked as fast as he could. The distance between there and the inn seemed never ending for both of you. You didn’t think you could take the pain for much longer. On his side, Jaskier was having a hard time carrying you, but he was more preoccupied with healing you first. He never stopped whispering words of comfort to you. It broke his heart to see you in so much pain.

-

“That damn witcher” Jaskier swore through grit teeth, quitting his pacing to sit by you in the bed he had settled you in. “Why does he always wander around?”

You were a mess, trying not to sob in front of him. You were mortified enough already knowing he was so worried about you. You refused to, on top of all, start bawling your eyes out.

“He should be back any minute” Jaskier kissed the top of your head. “Hold on for a bit longer, love”

You just nodded, mentally cursing Geralt yourself for not being there. He would know what injury you were facing, as well as perhaps having a potion to eliminate the pain.

Too restless to sit by your side anymore, Jaskier sprung up from the bed. He walked over to the cupboard and rummaged through the drawers. You wanted to ask what he was doing, but were simply too drained to speak up.

“Ah-ha!” He finally exclaimed, grabbing something and turning to you. “I knew it was here somewhere”

You observed the foulard he was holding and peered at him in confusion.

“We can make a sling out of it!” His excited grin comforted you slightly and reminded you to breathe. “That way you can keep your injured arm in place”

He fiddled with it and approached you once more. Just as he was trying to tie it around you, the door of the room opened.

“Oh, thank the gods” You and Jaskier sighed at the same time.

“You’re alive” Geralt greeted you, solely glancing at you.

“Not quite” You sulkily replied, being fed up with your injury.

His golden eyes fell upon you and his deadpan expression turned to anger at the sight.

“Geralt, please help” Jaskier followed him around the room as Geralt came in. “Y/N fell of the horse when-“

“The horse got scared?” He sarcastically finished the sentence, dropping his satchel on the other bed and searching it.

“I literally don’t have the strength to put up with an ‘I told you so’, Geralt” You sighed, clenching your fists in annoyance and helplessness. Your shaky voice was proof enough of the distress you were experiencing. “You were right, I was stupid to go, please tell me you have a potion or something for this pain. Please…”

Jaskier returned to your side while the witcher did his thing. The bard was careful enough to sit on your good side and rub your back there where the pain didn’t reach.

Geralt towered over you, offering you a small bottle that contained a clear liquid. You didn’t hesitate to take it from him and desperately drown it all in one gulp.

“Ugh” You shivered when a wave of nausea hit you. “That was disgusting”

“Yeah, well” The witcher tilted his head as he took the bottle back from you. “It will help with the pain. What hurts?”

“Her arm” Jaskier replied for you. “I think she landed on it when she fell”

“Stand up, I’ll take a look at it” Geralt briefly turned to leave the empty bottle atop the cupboard.

Along with Jaskier’s support, of his arm once more around your waist, you stood to your feet. You forced yourself to stay up while your whole body complained and threatened with collapsing.

Geralt faced you once more, so you pointed him to your right arm.

“Let me see” Was all he said, so you moved your shirt to reveal your bare shoulder.

He carefully squeezed, making you squirm at his rough calloused hands. Just the briefest touch to your delicate skin made you grimace. He kept palpating your shoulder until he seemed to come up with a diagnosis and let go of you with a thoughtful hum.

“Turn around” He asked you, and you did as well, now revealing the skin on your back.

“Oof” Jaskier exclaimed behind you. “That’s a nasty bruise! It’s all purple and-“

“Jaskier” Geralt quickly scolded him, but it was too late.

“Oh, no, is it dislocated?” Your mind started racing. “Do you have to put it back on the socket? T-That will hurt even more! I don’t… I don’t think I can take-”

“It’s not dislocated” Geralt turned you around to be facing each other once more. “You were lucky”

As you recovered from that scare, you felt Jaskier falling into place behind you. In a gesture that surprised you, he wrapped his arms around you from behind and rested his chin on your healthy shoulder. You smiled a bit, imagining it was his apology for having worried you.

“Try not to move it” The witcher concluded, stepping away from you. “You’ll be fine, you just need to rest”

“W-Where are you going?” The bard asked next to your ear, but Geralt didn’t reply.

When you were left alone in the room once more, you exhaled. It was a big relief that you hadn’t badly injured yourself. Jaskier’s gentleness also invited you to further relax.

“Phew…” He sighed, rubbing his thumb over your rib. “You gave me quite a scare there”

You just hummed in response. Your knees were nearly giving in under your weight, but his arms lightly tightened around your stomach.

“Alright then” With baffling ease, he left a small kiss on your shoulder. “If my lady allows me, I will now look after you”

You chuckled as he took you with him to the bed once more. Once you were sitting, he went to retrieve the foulard from before. In the meantime, you started to feel quite groggy, probably because of the effects of the potion Geralt gave you. Finding that your thoughts were tangled and messy, you paused.

“You’re spoiling me, Jas” You then told him with a sleepy smile.

He laughed at his new nickname but didn’t comment on it. Instead, he stood before you with his hands on his hips.

“Absolutely, it will make for a quick recovery” The way he smiled now, with so much relief and renewed energy, made you calmer than you had been all day. “I will gladly spoil you”

He carefully put your injured arm in the foulard, then wrapping his arms around your neck to tie the ends diagonally over your good shoulder. When he moved away, he was still smiling like that.

“Now lie down, Geralt told you to rest”

You wearily nodded your head and closed your eyes. The pain was finally subsiding, making you relax your muscles and make you aware of how tense they had been for hours.

“I am sleepy” You groggily lifted your legs up to the bed.

“No wonder, love” Jaskier’s fingers tenderly fell over your healthy arm, pushing you slightly until you were lying down. “Today was quite the ordeal”

“Mhm” You sighed, finally finding comfort and calmness to what had only been chaos. “Will you stay with me?”

You blindly reached out until your hand fell over his arm and you squeezed it tight, eliciting a fond chuckle from Jaskier. The bed lightly shifted with his weight as he sat on the corner, but you weren’t satisfied with that. You frowned and whined, barely managing to open your eyes to look at him.

“No, here” You kept tugging at him, trying to make him understand that you wanted him to lie down with you. The only thing missing in your perfect comfort was him. His arms around you. His fidgety and warm body against you. His voice in your ear, whispering soft words with his delightful accent.

“Oh” Jaskier finally realized, smiling like that once more. “Of course”

As he occupied the space next to you, on your good side, the bard lowly laughed to himself. You stirred, trying to fit in the small space with him. You settled over him at last with your head on his chest, not putting pressure in your bad arm and instead squeezing your left one against his torso. At that moment, you were confident that you had never felt so cozy and peaceful before.

Jaskier continued giggling under his breath, even as his arms lovingly fell around you. He brought your frame closer to him as to not let you lay so close to the edge of the bed.

“What’s so amusing?” You went to slap him in the chest, just then remembering your arm was kept in place with Jaskier’s improvised sling.

“You are quite adorable when you’re sleepy” He playfully wrinkled his nose at you.

“Stop…” You nuzzled his shoulder, only making him laugh more as you proved his point.

“Are you comfortable?” His hand tenderly pressed against your back in a gentle massage that relieved your sore shoulder. “Do you need anything else?”

“I’m alright… Now I am” You sighed, closing your eyes and allowing yourself to give in to the welcoming sleep. “Thank you, Jaskier, for everything”

“It is my pleasure” His voice had lowered into a whisper, helping you fall asleep with even more ease. “I am quite comfortable myself, honestly”

You smiled and nuzzled his neck, treasuring his warmth and loving affection. Despite your many shared travels and adventures, you had never been this close. Nonetheless, it felt natural and comforting.

“You are so great, I love you” You shivered as his hand caressed your hair.

You didn’t notice he abruptly stopped at your words. Nor that he was suddenly holding his breath.

He was saying something to you now, but you were already asleep.

-

A deep voice brought you out of your slumber. After a few seconds of haziness, you recognized it was Geralt. You couldn’t differentiate the words he was saying, but you felt Jaskier’s voice resonating in his chest under your ear as he replied.

You jolted up slightly, cruelly dragged away from the comfortable stupor, when the door was slammed closed. The bard stirred under you as well, surprised by your movement.

“Y/N?” He cautiously asked, his fingers brushing over your ear as he secured your hair behind it so it didn’t fall over your face. “Are you awake?”

You lazily opened your eyes, being welcomed by the sweetest of looks in his eyes as he peered down at you. A smile immediately appeared on his mouth at your intertwined gazes.

“Was that Geralt?”

“Yes, he… Came to check on you”

You wondered if the sudden restlessness and hesitance present in Jaskier’s voice was a product of your imagination. Perhaps you were still too drowsy.

“How are you feeling, by the way?” He resumed, gently squeezing his arms around you. “Any better?”

“Yeah” You pouted at the thought that you would have to leave that position. Being engulfed by him, you wanted nothing more than to stay there forever. “It doesn’t hurt as much”

Jaskier uttered a sound that was a mixture between a sigh and a chuckle. His bright grin reminded you of the one that seemed to illuminate your world before you fell asleep. Then when you needed it the most, when you needed him the most.

“Well, I am happy to hear that” Apparently, the bard had nothing but loving gestures for you as he gingerly squeezed your arm. “I was worried about you”

Your eyes met and refused to look away. Something stirred within you with the sudden realization of how close you truly were, mere inches separating your faces. Of how sweet and tender he had been. How caring, how gentle. Gentle Jaskier.

Despite the wonderful moment, your body complained. You groaned, knowing you needed to get up and eat or drink something. After all, you didn’t even know how long you were asleep for. That thought also made you aware that Jaskier hadn’t moved an inch, for your sake. Surely, he must have been feeling sore himself after maintain that position for so long.

“Thank you, Jaskier” You carefully leaned your hand on his stomach to push yourself up. “You have been so kind”

“That I have” His playful and flirtatious tone, that you hadn’t quite heard since before the accident, had thankfully returned. “Perhaps you should give me a token of your gratitude?”

Not without effort, you had managed to sit up on your own. When you turned to him, he had rolled over on his side now and was resting his jaw on his hand. You grinned at the cool demeanor he displayed.

“Heroes don’t ask for rewards, my dear Jaskier”

He pursed his lips in a badly contained smirk that still crept up to his mouth.

“I am not a hero, I am a knight. Saving damsels in distress”

“Don’t get used to it” You leaned closer to him and lovingly pecked his cheek. “But thank you, oh valiant knight in shining armor”

Jaskier shrugged with feigned bashfulness, but you could see a faint blush on his cheeks.

“You’re welcome” He nimbly stood to his feet, running to your side in case you needed any sort of assistance. “In any case, you… already said thank you before, remember?”

You tried to sort out your thoughts, too distracted by his magnetic presence next to you. By his charm. His beautiful smile, his lingering glances and lively blue eyes. The way he reached out to lightly touch the small of your back, asking you if you needed any help without using words at all.

“Um…” You muttered in an attempt to focus. “Did I?”

“Aha…” Jaskier calmly followed you around the room.

Upon seeing your reflection on the mirror atop the cupboard, you gasped in outrage. You were suffering from a terrible case of bed hair. With your one healthy arm, you reached out to try and comb your hair. Until a sudden memory flashed in your head. Heat arrived to your entire face, but you tried to ignore it as well as Jaskier, who still expected a proper answer from you.

Instead of giving it to him, and with the mental excuse of feeling slightly cold, you went to pick up your forgotten jacket from the chair it rested on. You were disappointed, however, when you remembered you couldn’t move your arm.

“You seem flustered” Jaskier observed, softly taking the garment from your hands. “Is something the matter?”

You couldn’t quite get mad at his sarcastic tone as he put your arm on the sleeve, first the healthy one. As he moved to stand to your other side, he paused and stared.

“No, I’m not flustered” You saw his smile with the corner of your eye.

Jaskier waited for a few more seconds. In the end, he chuckled and you prayed that you weren’t blushing. It was a mild relief when he began carefully maneuvering your injured arm out of the sling and into the other sleeve.

Your gaze lingered on the ground and away from his eyes. He positioned himself before you once he was done adjusting the jacket over your shoulders and reclaimed your attention.

“You do remember it, then” He put his hands on his hips. “Hm?”

“I do, Jas”

“Well, did you mean it?”

“I… Y-Yeah”

“Would you say it again?”

The flirtatious atmosphere shifted in favor of a more serious one. His eyes were now glinting with emotion and expectation. You opened your mouth to say it, to show him that you actually were fond of him. Fond of him in such a way, that was. However, the words got stuck in your throat and you were unable to pronounce them.

“It’s alright” Jaskier suddenly took your hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. “You don’t actually have to say it”

“I don’t need to, do I?” You looked at him through your eyelashes.

Jaskier stirred in the spot and cleared his throat, apparently flustered. You eyed him carefully and saw him opening and closing his mouth like a fish. When he gazed at you again, you smiled at him.

The two of you chuckled together. There was so much left unsaid that was implied in that shared laugh. The nervousness, the familiarity, the longing.

Your breath caught in your throat when his hand found its way to your face.

“Are you really alright?” He asked, quite seriously now.

“I am now” You sweetly smiled at him, earning a smitten look.

Jaskier took a deep breath, nodding to himself. You couldn’t help but to notice the way his eyes kept drifting down to your lips. Betraying your yearning, yours did the same.

It wasn’t until you felt a soft squeeze in your hand that you remembered he was holding it. You used it to softly push yourself forward. A chuckle escaped your lips when your noses bumped against each other.

Your arm throbbed. As well as that, you felt light-headed, but you couldn’t tell if it was because Jaskier’s closeness took your breath away or because of your injury. You leaned towards the first, since you felt completely elated.

Butterflies flew inside your stomach in anticipation. You could feel the soft velvety touch of his lips on yours already when a sound broke the magic spell.

“Ugh…” You cowered back in shame, holding your growling stomach.

The wonderful sound of Jaskier’s laughter filled the room.

“Come on” Jaskier tugged at your hand, refusing to let it go. “We need to get some food in you”

“But…” Your glance fell over the door. At the other side of it were countless of indiscreet eyes, and you were far too fond of this newfound intimacy with Jaskier to put up with that. “My… My hair is… a mess”

He looked up at it, considering it for a moment, and then nodded.

“Yeah, right” Jaskier gawked at you as you hurriedly stepped away from him.

A part of you cursed your stupidity for hiding. The other one, though, urged you to get away from his prying eyes that were likely to spot your flush.

Pretending to focus hard on the task ahead, you picked up your hair brush and began furiously carding through your hair trying to get rid of the knots. With your one arm, it was a challenging task.

“Wow, wow, wow” The bard was back at your side in the blink of an eye. “What are you doing?”

“Combing my hair…”

“Why so violently?”

“I always do it like that, it’s easier to untangle it and-“

“Give me that” He took the comb from your hands and shook his head in disapproval as he moved behind you. “How are you not bald already?”

You had to chuckle, still endeared that he was so adamant on looking after you. The comb gently passed through your hair as Jaskier’s hands slowly worked. Your neck tingled when his fingers travelled through your tufts. If there was any unease left in you, it vanished the more his fingers sunk in your hair.

“That’s better” He concluded, letting your mane gracefully fall over your back. To top it all off, he bent down slightly to kiss you on the head. You glanced down, smiling to yourself. How could you not adore him?

Determined to focus on anything else not to throw yourself at him and kiss him silly, you tried to gather your now combed hair to tie it up. An inevitable grunt crawled up your throat at your useless arm that made it impossible to finish simple tasks such as that.

“Fine, I’ll do that too” Jaskier held his hand out, with the fake reluctance of someone who definitely was excited to spoil you even more. “Give me the thing”

“What thing?”

“That ribbon you always carry”

Your hand fell over your wrist in awe, surprised that he had noticed such a small detail. Pulling at the ends of the thin red ribbon to untie it from your wrist, you gave it to him over your shoulder.

“Thaaank you” You bit your lip when your hands brushed and with his lively reply.

His fingers reached out from behind until they picked up all of your hair, dragging across your temples to make sure no tuft escaped from his grip. As he gently gathered all of your hair into his hands, you sighed in delight to his further gentle cares.

“Was that a happy sigh?” The fond amusement was obvious in his voice.

“Yes…” You shivered when his fingertips graced your neck as he tied the ribbon around your hair and secured it there.

“What for?” Jaskier took ahold of your shoulders and turned you around to face him.

“You”

“Me?”

“What would I do without you, Jas?”

The bard smirked, and even if you mirrored his expression, you felt slightly embarrassed by how clingy you suddenly felt. Jaskier chuckled and infected you with soft laughter.

Craving his closeness, you softly kissed him in the jaw and then hid in his chest. As you buried your face on his shoulder, he tensed up slightly, perhaps as flustered as you.

“What are you doing?” He asked, his hand tenderly cradling the back of your head.

“I’m trying to hug you” Was your excuse as you reached out with your good arm and put it across his back to demonstrate.

“Oh” His arms immediately pressed you against him. “Like this?”

You hummed, happily nuzzling his chest. Honestly, all that pain was nearly worth it just for bringing you so impossibly close. For earning you his delicate cares and loving attention.

When you looked up at him, your gazes met once more. You could feel the romantic atmosphere that surrounded you, nearly being able to touch it. Not breaking away from his embrace, you tilted your head up. His lips were right there, so close, so reachable. So enticing.

His mouth perked up, grinning at your gesture, and he leaned closer too. He closed his eyes, and you did the same as his arms squeezed you even closer to his torso.

“You two!” A deep angry voice exclaimed just as the door violently swung open.

“Dammit, Geralt!” Jaskier complained, glancing at the witcher.

He merely pointed a finger at you and scowled, apparently either oblivious or unfazed by what you had been doing before he so rudely erupted in.

“If you’re not there in two minutes, I’m eating without you” That said, Geralt stormed off.

Exchanging a glance with Jaskier, the two of you giggled like two mischievous children.

“Let’s go, the white wolf is hungry” He reluctantly pulled away from you. However, he refused to completely abandon your touch and took ahold of your hand.

“He was waiting for us all this time?” You gawked at him, following him as he reached the door.

“I… Might have forgotten to tell you” Jaskier grimaced in apology, not meeting your eyes. “Even forgotten he was there…”

You just laughed and exited the room with him. Even if, as you had foreseen, the noisy crowd that gathered outside harshly broke the sweet magical spell that hung over you and Jaskier.

-

Geralt wolfed down his food, barely paying any mind to the two of you sitting across from him. Even with your playful and even childish gestures, like lowly laughing together, all the nudging and whispering and leaning into each other.

“Cut it out” The witcher finally complained, not bothering to glance at you.

“Sorry…” Jaskier mumbled, leaving you with a last pat to your knee before focusing on his friend. “Where have you been, by the way?”

“I went to the outskirts” You intently listened as you nibbled on the food before you. “There was a ghoul there, that’s why your horse got scared”

“Oh” You could only say in return. “Well, thank you. Not only on my behalf, I’m sure the people of this town are grateful now that they’re safe”

“Hm” Geralt only hummed.

“That’s good…” Jaskier absently picked at his bread. “Yeah…”

“You barely had a bite” You observed, watching his full plate. “You should eat something too”

“I can’t eat” He dramatically sighed and peered at you. “I have butterflies in my stomach”

You let out an involuntary guffaw at the unexpected comment. You could discern that wonderful bright grin of his before you hid your face on his shoulder.

“Is there something between you two?” Geralt demanded to know, forcing you to look back at him.

Both you and the bard stuttered as you tried to find a proper response. It turned out that you didn’t even know it yourselves. There was certainly something, but what exactly, you couldn’t tell.

You shrugged your shoulders and that immediately reminded you of your injury, nearly forgotten. A sharp pain started in your shoulder blade and spread down to your arm and wrist like it had done at the start of the day.

“Shit!” You hunched forward and angrily slammed the table.

“What happened?!” Jaskier’s palm settled over your back in alarm.

“I fucking shrugged!” You took a deep breath to calm down from the sudden shock.

“Maybe that will remind you to be more careful next time” Geralt said as he stood up. “Instead of pulling any reckless deeds again”

“Are we leaving?”

“Yes, I’m not putting up with you two”

You were equally amused and mortified by his blatant annoyance with your cutesy interactions. Instead of commenting on it, however, the both of you stood up and quietly followed him.

The air and the sun outside were refreshing after such a long day. Besides, Jaskier’s lingering hand on your back brought you that comfort he had been providing you with all day.

As you neared the horses, the bard paused next to yours. A sly smirk had mysteriously appeared on his expression, and you found out why before you could question it.

He smacked his lips against yours, sneakily yet casually, and ran away.

“Jaskier!” You called him, stopping him before he could escape.

“Yes, Y/N?” He innocently turned to you, like nothing had happened.

“I… Help me up on the horse, please?”

Without a word, he returned by your side and settled his hands on your hips. Before he could boost you up, however, you leaned your hand on his shoulder.

“It has been quite a day” You said as an excuse to keep him close. “Will you stay by my side?”

“I am your knight in shining armor, after all” He winked an eye at you.

You played with your hair and moved in closer, painstakingly slow. Every centimeter of your body started tingling when you finally met on a proper kiss. Slow but passionate. Tender and delicate. Loving and demanding.

Jaskier laughed against your mouth as he pulled away.

“Are you trying to seduce me, you little devil?” His lips had never been so attractive as they curved up against yours.

“Perhaps…” You innocently batted your eyelashes at him. “But you’re not allowed to fall in love”

“I’m afraid it’s far too late for that, Y/N”

You chuckled in awe at his words and leaned in again. Geralt, already up on Roach, loudly cleared his throat behind you. You had to suppress a guffaw when a flush appeared on Jaskier’s cheeks. To divert attention from it, he nodded and silently helped you up on the horse once and for all.

You smiled to yourself as you absently caressed your horse’s neck. Surely, it had been a long day, but you wouldn’t change a thing. Even as you towered over him, Jaskier smirked at you.

“What would you do without me, love?” He playfully squeezed your knee before he left to ride his horse. Despite his teasing, the sweetest of smiles was plastered on his lips.

Geralt went first, but as he passed you by, Jaskier winked an eye at you. You couldn’t help but noticing that he didn’t let you go first this time.

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[hypnoticwinter]

yesterday i finished plotting out the rest of down the rabbit hole

and i am so beyond excited to share this story with everybody who’s been following along so far. i never thought this project was going to grow as big as it did. i’ve lived and breathed dtrh for the last five or six months and it’s crazy to think that if i’m able to stick to my one-chapter-a-week schedule this entire story will be wrapped up in ten weeks. after that there will be some minor editing and a chapter or two i need to add but that’s small potatoes for the most part.

this has been a really cool experience for me. for one, this is probably the longest thing i’ve ever written. currently I’m estimating the final word count to be about 230,000. that’s across all three books but honestly even though i have broken it into books i really do see the story as one stand-alone narrative. for contrast, infinite jest is about 540,000 words.

length isn’t everything, obviously. it can even sometimes be a detriment. i’ve mentioned this before but down the rabbit hole started off as a 20k word novella. I planned for the story to end after Roan and Peter travelled to the Pit, and it was going to be a much more ambiguous and bleak ending. there was no flashback sequence with Peter and Makado - hell, Makado wasn’t even a character at that point. i felt a little sheepish going back to the people behind the @mysteryfleshpit project and saying ‘hey, so the thing i was writing, it’s doubled in size, is there any more behind the scenes stuff you can give me?’ multiple times.

i think one of the important things i’ve learned from this experience is that although you might be writing with a fanbase in mind you have to still make the story your own. if this story was just going to be about the Pit it would have to be a history book or an almanac. i realized a while ago that i’m not telling a story about the Pit, i’m telling a story about Roan. i had a lot of anxiety about that for a while mostly because i was nervous that i would somehow be ‘tricking’ people into reading the story, maybe because i felt like because i was writing a story about something that already had an established fanbase and i think that that adds a lot of pressure to live up to expectations. i said a while ago that i feel like the story is literary fiction pretending to be genre fiction and i do still think that’s accurate. what i’ve come to accept though is that the beauty of the story is in the portrayal of the characters, in how deeply and fully i’ve been able to expand Roan into a living, breathing, deeply flawed and vulnerable and real character. for me that’s always been the magic of writing and so it was natural that i sort of shifted from the pulpy story i originally planned on telling to something more literary.

i get nervous about my characters, i worry so much that they aren’t real enough, i agonize over it. even though everyone tells me they’re fine i still worry - is roan too withdrawn and two-dimensional? is elena too sexy? is makado just a caricature? the scariest part is wondering whether or not i’d be able to tell or if there’s some sort of flaw in my perception and the way i view people and characters that i wouldn’t be able to see the problems, that i wouldn’t be able to recognize them as being two-dimensional and flat.

i haven’t put out a ton of my stuff before. i have a lot of short stories and some novellas laying around, some parts of novels here and there, but other than that the actual stuff i’ve had published is a couple of poems and a short story here and there. i haven’t had a lot of reaction to my writing and i was shocked when most of what i heard about down the rabbit hole was positive. someone even told me yesterday that they had to remind themselves while reading that the story isn’t canon, and i can’t even think of a higher compliment than that. it’s made me a little disbelieving honestly, like surely all these people are just being nice, right? it’s hard for me to tell, i think i’m too close to the matter to see it without bias. dtrh certainly has issues, there are things that i do need to go back and fix, but for the most part they’re things that i’m aware of and know how to fix, and that’s the main issue, knowing how to do it.

that compliment too makes me nervous in a different way, though, because i have had a lot of conversations with the people behind the mystery flesh pit project and i have mentioned on occasion that what i wanted to do was write the ‘unofficial official novelization.’ i think i really understand the sort of tone and theme they’re going for with the pit as a whole and it’s something that’s always really appealed to me, but now, as stupid as it sounds, it does make me a little nervous that they might think i’m trying to like, steal their thunder or whatever. like, you’re making a thing and then someone comes along and says ‘man, i love your thing so much that i’m going to write a 200,000 word novel cannibalizing it to tell the story i want to using your thing.’ maybe that’s a pessimistic and misrepresentative way of putting it because that really never was my intention but it’s so hard to tell and i don’t want anybody to feel threatened. but at the same time, who goes and writes two hundred thousand words on something just on a whim? this story was born out of me finding out about the Pit the same week i listened to ‘we didn’t start the fire’ on repeat about eighty or ninety times, that’s all.

i’ve learned a lot from this project. that i’m a good writer, if people are to be believed. that it’s okay to create something your own way, even if you’re working off an established base. that i can plot out and commit to and write something this long without choking (knock on wood). and maybe most importantly, that people are interested in the types of characters i want to write, that i can create someone real and dynamic, who will live in people’s memory and imagination even if i never return to this story and setting later on.

i hope if nothing else that i’ve managed to bring a little more interest to the mystery flesh pit project, because i really do think that they’ve managed to create something genuinely special and i can’t wait to see what they make next. 

if everything goes according to plan and i don’t have to take any weeks off, i should be putting out the final chapter of down the rabbit hole on monday, april 11. i’m not going to commit to that, obviously, but it’s only 60,000 words or so, and i think i’ve proven to myself that that’s an achievable, realistic goal for ten weeks of work. that’s less than a thousand words a day. exactly a thousand if i take one day off per week.

this has been a really wonderful experience and i’m so thankful for everyone who’s chosen to share it with me.

[anomander-dragnipurake]

Aftermath

A proper continuation of Possessed. I had this scene stuck in my head so I wrote it. There might be more but I make no promises because I'm bad at those and I'm just here to write whatever's fun to me at the time.

~

“You’re back?” Mario said upon answering the door. He sounded and looked genuinely shocked as if he’d expected to never see Booigi again. He also looked tired; bags under his eyes, his clothing a mess.

“Is it really that surprising?” Booigi faked a nonchalant attitude to hide how awkward this was. He’d considered not coming back at all but… he just couldn’t. He still cared about everyone his past selves had cared about even if it would be easier not to.

Mario half shrugged. “I don’t know. I just thought that since King Boo ran off that one time that you’d… but you’re not really King Boo so… I don’t know. It’s been a couple weeks though so… I just didn’t think you’d come back.” It was hard to tell if he was pleased or displeased by having that expectation proven wrong.

“Well, I’m back. You can send me away if you want though; I’d understand if you’d prefer to never see me again.” It would be heartbreaking but it would at least make navigating this relationship that much easier.

It might’ve been Booigi’s pessimistic imagination but Mario seemed to consider it for a few seconds before shaking his head and stepping back. “No, no, come in,” he said, welcoming him inside with a small hand flourish.

Forcing a cocky grin as if he’d expected that answer all along, Booigi stepped in and… immediately had to fight to keep a level face. The living room was a mess; empty pizza boxes, dirty dishes and laundry littered the floor, coffee table, and couch. It was absolutely disgusting, feeling him with equal parts anxiety and disdain. It was the messiest it had ever been as far as he knew.

“Sorry about the mess,” Mario said as he closed the door, sounding a tad embarrassed. “But uh… your new look is nice.”

“Thanks.” Luigi and King Boo’s fashion senses combined be halfway between casual and fancy with the preference for the colours green and purple. He’d gone out of his way to wear one the green dress shirts today, coupled with a pair of nice jeans it was almost something that Luigi would’ve chosen to wear if he had to dress nice for an event. The shoes were still the same white show-offish ones King Boo had bought because he liked them. He’d also repainted his nail alternating purple and green that morning in part because he’d wanted to but also to differentiate his look a little more.

The silence stretched between them for a few seconds before, needing to say something and wanting a distraction from the horrible mess in the room, Booigi broke it. “What have you been up to the past couple weeks?” Other then making a mess of his house.

“Well… not much really. I just… I don’t know. What have you been doing?”

“Talking to the ghosts at the mansion and… trying to figure out my new existence, who I am and all that shit.”

“Oh uh… any luck with that?”

“Nope! My two halves were basically polar opposites in a lot areas, making me a giant fucking mess.” And he hated it. Feeling so unsure about so many things kind of made him want to break something but also kind made him want to hide somewhere and never come out. He’d been tempted to drink himself into oblivion often, the only thing stopping him was knowing it was more likely to make it worse than to help.

Mario deflated, leaning his shoulder into the wall as he looked away. “Yeah, they were opposites; King Boo was the absolute worst and… Luigi was the best.”

The awkward silence returned because what were they even supposed to say to each other? What had Booigi even come here expecting? He still loved Mario like a brother but there was no way he could have the same kind of relationship with him that Luigi had had. Half of his soul had been King Boo’s for Pete’s sake and Mario rightfully hated King Boo. The fact that this whole thing was entirely King Boo’s fault could only complicate Mario’s feelings further.

Maybe Booigi should just excuse himself and leave. He wanted to talk to E. Gadd and Gooigi too anyway. Navigating whatever his relationship to both of them had become should be a bit easier, right? Since Luigi hadn’t known them literally his whole life. Mario might just need some more time to grieve, Booigi could give him that. But as he took a breath to say that, Mario broke the silence instead.

“I miss him.” His voice was almost a whisper and he didn’t look up.

Booigi’s first instinct was to respond with something rude because no duh Mario missed ‘him’, the tired look on his face and the horrible mess in the living room attested to that far better than words ever could. But there was nothing that could be done about it so why would Mario even bother bringing it up right now? If Booigi said that though, he’d regret it big time later. So instead, concealing his annoyance he said, “I’m sorry,” because apologizing for his existence was all he could do.

Mario didn’t respond. After a couple seconds more of silence, he turned away and walked into the kitchen. Now would be a good time to leave and Booigi probably should, he clearly wasn’t wanted right now, but… he followed.

“Look Mario, I’m not him, not really anyway, and I know you probably don’t want me around right now and I’ll leave soon but first… I just want to say that I still… feel like you’re my brother.” Whom he still cherished and looked up and always would.

In the kitchen, Mario paused and turned around to look at him again at last. “You do?” His eyes were filled with unshed tears.

“He’s like half of me, remember? So of course I do.” King Boo had hated Mario but those feelings felt distant, like a memory of a time long ago. It may not be a universal truth for everyone but for Booigi, in this instance, love was stronger than hate. Which didn’t mean he wasn’t capable of hate; he hated his past selves immensely due in large part to the fact that they’d hated each other with a fiery passion. He wasn’t sure yet if that translated into self-hate but he hoped that he could see himself as a separate enough entity that it wouldn’t. “I’ll leave you alone now though. If you ever want to talk my phone number’s still…”

Mario hugged him. It wasn’t one of his warm friendly hugs but instead one filled with sorrow and desperation. Booigi’s only option was to hug him back. And when he started softly crying on Booigi’s shoulder all he could do was hold him a bit tighter and hope it was enough to be a little bit comforting at least. It wasn’t much or anywhere close to enough but it was all he had to offer.

[theimpossiblescheme]

First of all - thank you for sharing all your picrew posts of your OCs I *love* their designs so much and I love how you included voices alongside the descriptions! SECOND - you know I have to ask this because I was immediately all over this idea when you pitched it, but I would LOVE to hear more about the cats in Gus' old theatre troupe when you have the time (they are definitely some of my favourites of yours)!

Awwwww, thank you so much!  Honestly, picking out voices to go with each character is my favorite part of the process--I could have been a casting director in another life. XD

Honestly, most of Gus’s troupe were just... cats who came together and decided they wanted to put on a show.  Organized actors’ and writers’ guilds aren’t really a thing for the Jellicles, so it’s just a matter of finding other cats with common interests who would enjoy working together.  That’s how Iphegenia came to the troupe, and that’s how Gus met Andromeda at the very beginning--they had been abandoned by their humans, but still wanted a place to belong.

Iphegenia’s story is pretty infamous--the understudy who fell in love with a lonely Jellicle Leader and comforted him and their son behind closed doors, only to end up leaving in disgrace.  Poor thing wasn’t built for scandal, with her soft heart and weak constitution.  Even before the whole affair, Gus half-joked that he was shocked she didn’t crack in two every time she sang (and she had a surprisingly strong voice for a queen her size).  But Ginny, as everyone called her, was always such a trooper, never complaining and always with a smile on her face.  She knew everyone’s lines before they did, kept up with all the choreography, and even helped the little mouse stage managers sweep up at the end of a long night.  The mice were sorry to see her go, too--they picked up all the flowers after her last performance and laid them on her chair, and no one moved them until they had completely wilted.

Cornelius was brought on because Gus’s voice was starting to show signs of wear, and somebody needed to hit all those higher notes.  The older tom really wanted to resent this wide-eyed little upstart with his doe eyes and effortlessly smooth vibrato... but Cat help him, he just couldn’t.  He was just too genuinely nice to everyone and had a way of making cats laugh even when they weren’t in the mood.  There was the occasional mention that Cornelius had seen his share of hard knocks, too--something about running afoul of a nasty dog when he was a kitten, leaving him with a scar across his lips and a hell of a flinch reflex--but he never talked about it.  He was, however, the first cat on the scene if someone else was going through a rough time.  And Gus had to give it to the boy, it was hard to stay in a bad mood around him.

Brighella’s specialty was attracting potential audiences, whether that meant designing posters, organizing auditions, or just standing out on a street corner and reciting Shakespeare or Marlowe at the top of his lungs until cats were curious (or annoyed) enough to see what was going on.  He was the sort of cat who never got lost in a crowd, with his distinctive voice and his penchant for wearing very flashy human trinkets as costume pieces.  He was also extremely unsentimental and practical to a fault--if you wanted a cat to give it to you straight without mercy or sugarcoating, you went to Brighella.  You might not get the answer you liked, but you would get an answer that worked and that everyone else could live with.  If Gus’s memory served, Brighella often laughed, but he almost never smiled offstage unless he was planning something to help the troupe... it was a smile everyone both loved and dreaded.

Pumpernickel was always very quiet.  The closest comparison I can give is Piglet from Winnie the Pooh--timid, anxious about everything, always stammering when he talked.  But he was also a superb listener; if you weren’t in the mood for Cornelius’s relentless cheer, Pumpernickel would sit down with you and look at you with those sad eyes while you poured your heart out.  If any cat needed it, he gave excellent advice, too, especially when it came to matters of the heart.  Under the neurotic facade, he was a complete bleeding heart who preferred to talk only when it truly mattered (and he had such an expressive face that half the time he barely needed to talk to get his feelings across).  And even though his roles rarely called for it and his speech impediment still gave him trouble, he had one of the best voices in the troupe.

Wiskuscat was also a cat of few words, but with a gruffer and more cynical edge.  He often talked like an Oscar Wilde character--full of quips that, once you scratched the surface, were deeply pessimistic about feline nature.  While this didn’t make him much of a conversationalist, he would still patiently answer any question asked of him as long as it wasn’t too personal.  And while he preferred to give cats their space instead of rushing to comfort them, it wasn’t out of malice--having a minute to just yowl things out before things fell into perspective helped more than anything, he believed.  He wasn’t good with emotions and thought they could betray you more often that not, but he was sensitive to his friends’ feelings and never tried to interfere.  Nobody knew exactly how he got to be that way, and after a while they stopped trying to ask.  In fact, Wiskuscat seemed most genuinely comfortable when no one was talking, but instead just existing peacefully in the space together.  Lucky for him, the troupe never found that a problem.

And then Lila... dear Lila... Gus didn’t know how he’d overlooked her for so long.  She’d just always been there, a trusty member of his supporting cast, brimming with dirty jokes and snatches of old songs, nearly giving him heart attacks when she insisted on whistling backstage and almost saying The Scottish Play’s real name.  Everyone loved her, of course they did, it was impossible not to... and then she came to the first dress rehearsal for As You Like It, adorably smart in “Ganymede’s” jacket and hat, and Gus found himself wondering if she’d always been quite this adorable.  Even after they became mates, it never really felt like anything changed.  They still joked around, still strolled through the markets together on quiet days (”You call this a date, Asparagus, and I will feed you that scarf”), still chatted blithely about absolutely nothing, still had each other’s favorite tea blend on tap at a moment’s notice.  The only difference was that the hole Andromeda had left in Gus’s chest didn’t ache so much anymore.

(The troupe fell apart the same way an old coat falls apart--every part of it was simply old, and no new patch fit in the old spaces quite the same way.  No one had Iphegenia’s eye for detail, Cornelius’s optimism, Brighella’s speed at seizing an opportunity, Pumpernickel’s sympathy, or Wiskuscat’s discretion.  No one could ever be Lila.  And Gus wan’t counting on his health to hold him up onstage anymore.  It hurt to see them go, but he knew it was for the best... that’s what he told himself, anyway.  For some must watch, while some must sleep: So runs the world away...)