#i might draw all nile pairings i know

[fellow-traveller]

Friendly reminder that 16 July is NILE DAY. 💕

uwu

[magicxc]

No Letting Go

Pairings: Anthony Mackie x Black!Fem!Reader

Word Count: 1509

Warnings: Smoking, Choking, Back Shots

BBJ Masterlist

We know he doesn’t shy away from water. Shit, he spends any free time he has near it; fishing - a tranquil way for him to pass the time, to catch a breather if you will, or to simply enjoy his hobby.

One day, during the winter of all months, Anthony and I made a quick getaway to a cabin in the woods to escape from the fast pace city life; where you guessed it, a lake adorned a good portion of our back yard. Unfortunately for me, the lake hadn’t frozen all the way through and, my poor baby, he just couldn’t resist temptation. Dressed in his warmest gear, he waddled his ass to the lake for “no more than twenty minutes, I promise.” And what started out as dry fun soon turned into wet consequences. We spent the rest of that evening by the fireplace with me chastising him for not being more careful. And would you believe he still tried to get back out there the next day. That man is as stubborn as they come.

But I love that about him and how he’s actually my little expertise on the waters around the world. I love how he never ceases to amaze me with all that knowledge he holds inside of his big, beautiful brain. Like the fact that a little over 90% of Earth’s freshwater is trapped in the form of ice or that the Nile River is the longest. Or how there are more swimming pools in the US than stories in NYC. And speaking of pools, it should come as no surprise that they’re his preference for swimming. After all, “only 5% of the ocean has been explored,” he recited only since the beginning of our relationship.

Now normally he’d hit a couple laps in our home pool and swim his heart out, but tonight we’re just chilling with some drinks, cigars, and endless stories filled with useless fun facts on his end. But Anthony has a way of making even the mundane interesting cause really, what's a conversation with him if he doesn’t make me belly laugh. I’m talking about the wheezing kind where I have to shut him up just so I can get a second to breathe.

Wrapped in his arms, my back is facing his front as he held my body to his, stroking and kneading his calloused digits across my skin. Cocking my head to the side I lazily look into his eyes, vision blurred by the cloud of smoke between us. As the haze clears he peers down at me, a sly grin adorning his face, as he swoops down and lands a tender kiss to my lips.

Four drinks later, my peach schnapps has me feeling fuzzy and might I say, a bit daring. In my drunken state I let out a loud moan, muffled by his lips, and raised my hand out of the water to wrap around the back of his neck. Water droplets slide down my arms and to my elbows as I hold his face to mine, pulling back ever so slightly to land an open, wet kiss to his lips.

Withdrawing, I press one final peck to his mouth and spin my body around to face his. Arms folded around his neck I watched, mesmerized as he takes one last drag of his cigar and outs it on the perimeter of the pool. Attaching my lips to his, I shotgun the remaining smoke and draw back, swallowing it down before waiting a few seconds as I lift my head toward the sky to exhale the rest.

Hands cupping my ass, his mouth finds itself buried in the crevice of my neck, trailing light kisses up to my jaw. Arms tightening around me, Anthony grinds his hips into my pelvis and I feel just how excited he’s become.

“You ready to head inside daddy,” I beckoned toward the house.

“Nah,” he rasps. “I want you right here baby.”

Slowly wading in the water, he continues to guide me until I come to a full stop as my lower back presses on the edge of the pool.

Leaning in, Anthony presses his lips to mine and what was supposed to be a brief peck soon turned lengthy. Tongue shoved toward the back of my throat, thick and wet as he lazily glides it over mine, I can’t help but bask in the feeling of his fingers slowly crawling up and around my waist. When we finally pull apart, I greedily suck in a few breaths of air, but I’m abruptly interrupted as he thrusts my body forward against the concrete; driblets of water flying across the ground.

Pressing his hips against mine, Anthony’s fingers lightly brush the hair off my neck and onto the side of my shoulder, his teeth nibbling away at my ear. His warm breath tickles my jaw while he works to untie the straps of my bikini bottom.

“Whatcha thinking pretty lady?”

“Just waiting on you to fuck me,” I breathe out.

“Hmm, my babys eager huh?”

“Yes sir,” I whine out.

“Say it again,” he demands, with a snap to my bottom half.

“Yes sir,” I squeal out, watching as my underwear floats along the currents of the pool.

“Hands on deck baby, you know the drill,” Anthony enunciated.

Folding my arms on the coping of the pool, I lean forward in anticipation, longing for him to take me to pound town. My ass rises above the surface of the water and I shudder as the chilly breeze whips across it. Anthony’s hands gliding across my ass cheeks sends another shudder through me as he inches his fingers closer to my core.

“Tell me baby, is pussylips one word or should I spread them apart?” he asks, delving his fingers into the warmth of my canal.

The sudden intrusion has me yelping, taken a bit off guard, and if I weren’t so distracted I’d laugh at his lame line. He pumps his digits inside of me for a few moments before sliding them out altogether. I feel empty and if the pout on my lips is anything to go by, he’s peeped it too.

“Don’t worry sugar,” Anthony says, “you’ll get it soon enough. Just had to make sure you were ready for me, and you never disappoint,” he assured, sliding his fingers inside of my mouth.

“Mhmm,” is the stifled sound that escapes me as he rolls them around my tongue.

I don’t get a chance to taste myself often, but every time that I do I see exactly why he won’t leave me alone. Taking in the glossy goodness, I barely feel Anthony line himself up to my entrance and it isn’t until he plunges to a hilt that my jaw drops, his fingers sliding out and trailing up into my hair; where he grabs a handful, none too lightly.

He gives me a few necessary seconds to adjust to his sheer size before setting off on an unwavering pace. Mewling into the air, Anthony pulls my hair back and smashes his lips in the crook of my neck, groaning; the vibrations sending extra chills down my spine.

The water fiercely splashes between us each time his pelvis hits my ass, and I move one hand from the deck to slip my fingers in between my legs.

“Yeah, that’s right. Gone and make it juicy for me sugar,” he growls.

He knows what his pet names do for me and makes it a habit of saying them every time we have sex; not that I’m complaining. His rhythm quickens and so does the pressure on my clit as I roll my fingers around with motive.

My belly retracts from the intensity and my toes curl up under the water, body leaning forward to relive some of the pressure from my feet. Fist tightened and eyes clamped shut, my mind feels transported as different colours dance around behind my lids. I feel so close, oh so close until Anthony’s hand slithers from the root of my scalp and to the collar of my neck.

Squeezing the sides coupled with his fierce thrusting throws me over the edge and I cum, wailing into the night sky as tears stream down my cheeks.

Pulling out of me, he finishes on my back; traces of semen flying from my skin, to the pool, and to the coping ahead of us. The warmth of his spent drips down my clammy skin as he howls out his release like a wounded animal and it's only then that I’m brought back to reality.

Spinning around, Anthony plants his mouth on mine, forcing my jaw open so that he can cram his tongue inside. Nose pressed against my cheek, he retracts his lips and inhales deeply, peppering my face with butterfly kisses as his fingers slide down my waist and softly knead into them once more.

[mrstaeminlee]

Mission Complete Ch. 1

You had two goals in life. One: Complete your squad training without dying. Two: Fuck Levi Ackerman

Pairings: Levi/f!reader

Warnings: Swearing, eventual smut, lmk if I need to add anything~

You really had no idea what the fuck prompted you to join the military. Maybe it was to find some redeeming grace in the eyes of your dying mother, maybe it was because you wanted a life with as much stability as one could muster, maybe it was because you just fucking hated farming.

Whatever it was, you wished to any God that would listen that you would have buried it in the ground along with the countless friends and family members you had lost to the Titans.

The first week of the cadet corps was everything you knew you would hate and more. Between the foul smelling breath of the commandant threatening to make you puke up the bread you had managed to steal, to working your body to the point of sneaking away from one on one combat to puke behind the bushes, after seven days you had almost decided that maybe digging in the dirt for the rest of your miserable life wasn't so bad.

There was only one thing stopping you from making your own walk of shame to the wagon of regret.

Levi Ackerman.

AKA the man you fantasized about every night when you managed to find enough strength to finger yourself below the covers.

He was a couple of inches shorter, true, but you were willing to break your rule of not fucking anyone shorter than you for him.

You had only see him twice in your life by complete chance, the first had been when you happened to be by the gates in time to see the Scouts returning from what was undoubtably another failed mission, and you decided that what the hell, might as well have a look at Humanity's Strongest in the flesh. Granted, it hadn't been his best day; his green cloak was splattered with what could only have been the blood of his comrades as it didn't look as if he had a single scratch on him, but he looked like a god, albeit one that had just gotten his ass kicked out of heaven. His eyes seemed to be sunken in, and even from how far away you were you found yourself shivering from the intensity of his dead gaze. You weren't sure what possessed you to lift your hand as he eyes moved through the crowd, looking for whom, you didn't know, or what possessed him to raise those eyes to you, but you found yourself lost in haunted silver as you gave a soft wave. The way he seemed to look straight through you, not even seeing you even as you stared at each other, was enough to convince you that you needed to do whatever it took to see this man again.

You enlisted the start of the next week.

The second time was completely by chance.

Everyone was desperate for military recruits, and desperate times called for desperate calls to important people to make appearances in front of people that were well, not very important.

Erwin Smith, Dot Pixis, Nile Dawk, Levi Ackerman, Hange Zoe, Rico Brzenska, and even Darius Zackly graced the entrance ceremony of the new Cadets, and you thanked whatever bone in your body made you a teacher's pet because you had a front row seat to the man that had plagued your thoughts every single day in the past week. His appearance was brief and he didn't speak, just stared at the fresh faces, some cocky, some blank, but mostly terrified new recruits, and you could have sworn that you saw a tinge of sadness hidden in the silver, as if he could already foresee the deaths of everyone in front of him. He followed after Erwin immediately after the blond gave his speech about thanking you all for making the decision to serve humanity and you fought the urge to roll your eyes. 'I'm not doing this for humanity, I'm doing this for dick,' you thought as you signed your life away to this shit camp for the next two years.

How one man who was fucking shorter than you managed to convince you to trade the next 728 days, 14 hours, 37 minutes, and 15 seconds of your life for physical and emotional hell was beyond you, and yet here you were, standing proud and slightly hungover from the pre-graduation celebrating you did with Eren, Mikasa, and Armin the night before. They hadn't initially been your first choice in friends, but Armin was nice to you from the start and once you very quickly learned that flirting with Eren in front of Mikasa was not in your best interest, you had decided that they were alright; especially when Eren's Titan form had been revealed. If anyone was going to have to get close enough to keep an eye on Eren, it would be Captain Levi.

The very man you were thinking of walked on the stage along with Nile Dawk, Dot Pixis, and Erwin Smith as the three took turns giving their pitch. You hadn't made the top 10 but were happy for your friends that were, you were content with your place as 13th. In a class of over 500, you still considered it a win, and if your parents were still alive you knew they'd be proud. As the remaining members of the top 10 who had opted to join the elitest MP's went off to talk to Nile and the other scared fucks ran off to sign themselves to the Garrison regiment, you and around a hundred other members stayed where you were and you licked your lips, forcing your heart rate to calm itself. 'Calm down, you can't work your way up to fucking the strongest man in the world if you die of heart attack before-'

"Listen up you little shits."

Oh my God he was speaking you've never heard his voice before it's so fucking-

"Most of you are going to die. Are you prepared for that?"

Ah, so Humanity's Strongest was a sweet talker.

"Erwin is making me come up here and talk, so we're all going to pretend that I'm saying some meaningful bullshit. But here's the truth: If you aren't strong, you will die, and it will be painful. Imagine the thought of seeing your childhood friend's entrails being slurped up like spaghetti by a Titan, while the entire time he's conscious enough to reach his hand out for you, and you are able to do nothing for him because you spent exactly one second hesitating, or you were a moment too late to draw your blades, or react to the threat. If that scares you, then do us all a favor and put down that half assed salute and sell your soul to the Garrison where you'll spend your days fucking the best whores for a discount if you're in uniform and getting drunk on the clock."

After his touching speech you and your now dripping panties decided that you had indeed made the right decision in selling yourself to the Scouts.

One month later

It was moments like these, where you weren't quite trashed but definitely more than tipsy, that you had never been happier to be part of the survey corps. I mean, you were in peak physical shape (you still couldn't believe you had abs. Abs!), you were hot, you were fit, and you knew Sasha Braus, who had managed to steal a few bottles of top shelf liquor from the higher ups.

You were also horny as fuck. It had been over a year since you'd gotten laid, and you were using the dildo you'd bought on your first trip back into town as often as you brushed your teeth (twice a day, you didn't fuck with cavities). You briefly thought about enlisting the help of one of your current drinking buddies but after seeing your choices you decided to leave it to old faithful hidden in your pillowcase. There was Jean, who albeit was pretty hot even with the long face but was so in love with Mikasa it made you want to vomit. Marco, who you were almost one hundred percent sure was gay; Connie, who held the sexual appeal of a pile of horse shit, although he was super nice. Reiner almost looked promising but you knew underneath those stocky muscles was a shitload of emotional baggage you didn't want, and Bertholt was head over heels for Annie of all people. That left Armin and Eren. Eren you already knew was out, while your slut senses told you he'd be a great lay, you weren't quite ready for your life to end at the hands of Mikasa. That left Armin. You tilted your head, staring at him as you sipped on your god forsaken concoction and debated fucking him or not. He wasn't outright sexy, but he'd filled in well during the two years of training and you had seen glimpses of his surprisingly impressive muscles under his white shirt. He might actually do. He'd be shy as hell and you would have to lead everything, not to mention he'd probably cum in less than a minute, but it just might-

“Did you guys know that Captain Levi is a virgin?"

You spit the mix of vodka, rum, and whatever mixer Reiner had put in all over the face of the person you had just considered fucking.

"I'm sorry, what?" You turned your attention to Christa, apologetically handing Armin a napkin and patting his cheek.

Christa blushed at the attention and scooted closer to Ymir, who threw an arm around her shoulders and gave Reiner her customary 'If you even look at her weird, I will gut you' look. "W-Well, recently I started helping out in the infirmary because they've been short handed. You all know, it's that time of year where everyone has to get looked at and they give us that sheet of paper to fill out with all of our personal information to keep track of potential diseases. I was in charge of filing the paperwork the day they brought all of the officers in, and on the paper they ask you how many sexual partners you've had and Captain Levi wrote 0. But you guys, you have to promise not to tell anyone! This is private information, if it somehow gets out that I told you this I'll get into a lot of trouble!"

Ymir chuckled, placing a sloppy kiss at the top of the blonde's head. "Don't worry about a thing sweet cheeks, if any of these miscreants here says a word I'll kill them for ya. But we don't have to worry about that at all, now do we?" She glared at each person in the room, who all looked as if Christa were a ghost, and slowly shook their heads.

Your life was changed.

Captain Levi Ackerman.

The strongest man in the world.

Rumored former thug of the Underground.

The person responsible for killing as many Titans as a hundred soldiers.

The person whose squad every scout dreamed of being on, was a virgin.

You screeched out a laugh before you could help it, the alcohol doing nothing to try and make you quiet yourself as you fell onto your back laughing, cup long forgotten as it rolled across the floor. The person who initiated your drive to join the military in the first place, the person you literally dreamed of fucking, had never gotten his dick wet.

Clearly, you had your work cut out for you.

If you managed to live through the sight of Ymir reaching over to punch you in the face to shut you up.

[mcwritingblog]

Immortal: Chapter 1

A Girl and Her Cat

Pairing: Javier Pena x reader

Summary: A small town barista meets a handsome Javi.

Rating: G

Author’s note: Hey guys I'm sorry this doesn't have a lot of Javier in it, its really a big set up chapter for the story.

Word count: 2k

1975, a random fall Tuesday 

I don't know how it even happened, or how I met him. At the time I was living in a small town in Columbia run by Americans, keeping to myself, not drawing any attention to myself. He walked into my cafe and got a small black coffee. He stayed a while, reading his small novel.  

“Hi there, stranger, I got your coffee”, you said as you set down his drink. “Anything else?”

“No ma’am. Thank you”

“No problem”, you went to turn away but you had to know, “Um, hey?”

“Yes?”

“You've come in before.  What's your name?”

“Javier”

“Javier. I'm y/n. Let me know if you need anything. Maybe next time you could try a latte”, he lets out a snort. You go back to cleaning. It was extremely slow today so you got the go-ahead from your boss to close up early. 

“Miss?”

You turned around and saw Javier leaning up against his truck with a smile. 

You grasp your chest. “You scared me. I didn't notice you there.”

“Were you about to walk home?”

“Yes”

“Would you mind a ride?”

“My apartment isn't that far from here, but thank you I appreciate it.”

“Anytime.”

And like that, you were walking home, enjoying the weather. It was chilly and the leaves were falling beside you everywhere. You didn't mind the ten-minute walk to your apartment. You don't even get in the door before your cat starts meowing at you. 

“Avery, give me one moment. I'll feed you I promise.”. You love the hell out of the black cat but the girl is so needy.

You flick off your shoes by the front door, bending down to pet Avery. You walked past her to shake some food into her bowl. With how she rushes to it, you'd think she never got fed. Silly girl. You walk over to the couch and lay out, grabbing the blanket to get comfortable, a few moments pass and your cat hops up to snuggle up to you. You flip on your tv to find something to have in the background and settle on Hawaii Five O. There's something about cops that attracts you so much. You find yourself falling asleep, Avery radiating heat on your stomach. 

---

You were woken up the next morning by your alarm clock; another day, another dollar. You were on second shift today so you didn't have to be in until 11. You got up and made yourself toast and eggs, making sure fatso had her food too. 

“Pretty girl”, you say scratching her chin and heading towards the door, adding an “I’ll be back later. Byeee”

The walk to the shop today was extra nice. You can smell the aroma of a pumpkin pie as you pass the houses in your neighborhood and hear the sounds of children playing outside. The giggles brought life to the quiet afternoon. As you come closer to the city, the more you hear the sounds of cars passing and smells of bread being baked at the bakery down the street. The bakers wave at you as you pass the front window. You hold up two fingers, gesturing back. Two shops down is Mrs. Rivera trying to hang up plants, struggling to steady herself, AND the hanging ivy pot.

“Here let me help you.”, you say as you come behind her and catch the pot, succeeding in hanging it up on her awning.

“Thank you, sweetheart!”, she says as she wipes her hands on her apron.

“No problem. I have to get going but come by for a latte?”, you ask.

“Yeah. I’ll see you” 

And with that, you were back to it. Half a block down and you come to the shop's front door. It dings as you enter.

“You're late”, your boss, Maria, gets on to you.

“Mrs. Rivera needed help again.”

“Uh-huh. Get your butt back there”, she snorts. She's not mad. Thank god.

“Been busy today?”You ask about taking off your backpack and hanging it up. The shop was basically vacant. The only customer you could see was a college kid studying in the corner. You walk around to pick up mugs and empty plates from various tables.

“Not really. The usuals mostly… Oh! A guy was asking about you! He asked if I knew if you got home safe?”, she asked, confused.

“Ah yes, Javier. He offered to take me home last night.”, you say while walking the dirty dishes to the back.

“He’s cute. You should get in there, girl”, she yells to you. “In there?”, you come around the corner and scoff, “I'm not that interested in dating right now.”

“You should. You can't just spend all your free time with your cat and nonexistent characters in your books.”

“Can.” You point out “And will” 

“You're only 24, do you really wanna throw away that opportunity?”

You could only muster up an eye roll.

----

The rest of the shift went off without a problem. Maria went home shortly after her talk with you. The next few hours included a couple of customers but mostly some cleaning. Mrs. Rivera actually came to see you, even getting a hot chocolate for her grandson when she got her latte. You hold a conversation with her for a while, talking about her daughter’s new job at the school. Maria said something about that a couple of weeks ago. The rest of the regulars got their usual drinks, only sticking around long enough for their drinks. The clock soon hits 7 pm.

“Another tea?”, you ask the college student in the corner. He’s been here for your whole shift and has gotten two hot green teas with sugar.

“No ma’am. I'm about to leave but I appreciate it.”

‘Alright. Don't be a stranger”, you say, taking his cup and saucer to the back to clean it off. You place it in the strainer to left it air dry. As you are in the back, the customer packed up and left, leaving the shop empty.

You walk past every table, wiping it down and stacking chairs on top, then grabbing the broom. You quite enjoy the quiet chill night, humming a simple tune. The night offers an array of noises through the open door: Grasshoppers chirping and the soft whistle of the breeze. You finish sweeping and put up the broom. “The tips were pretty good today”, you think, pushing the money into your pocket, removing your apron, locking up, and heading home.

----

You had Thursday off and planned to spend it accordingly. You slept until you couldn't anymore, got up, and fed Avery, offering extra pets to the needy cat. She snuggles up to you on the couch, laying in the space in front of your stomach. Your newest interest? Murder mysteries. So you are relaxing on the couch reading Agatha Christie’s Death on the Nile. 

You get pretty far into the book before hearing a knock at your door. Weird. Then walk to unlatch the door, swinging it open.

“Uh... hello?”, you questioned the man in front of you. He’s standing there with his hand to the back of his neck, looking nervous

“Hi. Umm, I'm new to building. I live across the hall. I’m Anthony”, he reaches his hand out. You take his hand and shake it.

“Y/N”, you respond, smiling.

“Nice to meet you, Y/N”

“Would you like to come in for some coffee? I just put on a fresh pot”, you invite.

“Yeah, that sounds nice.”, his face sparks up in happiness. He takes your invitation and walks into your apartment, you close the door behind him.

‘Wow. Nice apartment. How long have you been living here?”

“Eh, a while”. Boy, you have NO idea.

He sits down at your dinner table and you bring over two coffee mugs.

“Cream? Sugar?”, you ask.

“Yes. Both please”, he responds and you hand him the containers of cream and sugar.

“Just moved here?”

“Yeah. From Arizona. The owner told me that you're one of the only Americans renting here. Thought I might come by and say hello.”

“Arizona, huh?”

“Yeah. I used to live in Georgia when I was a young girl but I’ve been around the world a lot. Been a while since I’ve been in the United States”, you drift off for a second but reel it in. “ Where in Arizona are you from?”

“Tucson. Wasn’t a bad place to live but I went to college for a major in the Spanish language. I wanted to visit places where I could hear the different dialects and see the different cultures. Thus, I am in Columbia.”

“Ah, you see I just wanted to see the world. I’ve been almost everywhere”

‘What was your favorite place to visit?”, he asks, fully focused on the conversation and not realizing Avery’s furry body rubbing against his shins. She meows. “Oh, well, hello there pretty girl. What’s your name?”. He reaches down to pet her back.

“That’s Avery. But back to your question, I was living in Greece for a while and I just adored the blue waters and sandy beaches.”

He takes a sip of his coffee and asks, “So what brought you here?”

“Need a change of scene. I had a friend who lived here but she passed away a couple of years ago”, you reply back nonchalantly, shrugging your shoulders.

“Oh, im so sorry to hear that. Not too pry but we’re you close?”

“Yeah, We knew each other for a while.”

“How’d she die?”, he asks further

“Old age”, you let slip.

“Old age? he responds surprised.

“Uh... yeah. A family friend.”, you try to make up a better story to keep suspicion off of you.

That conversation kind of ended before it started, instead opting for a conversation about Anthony’s studies in places like Cuba and Spain. The talk circled around to different places you’ve visited, Rome being a topic that seemed to trail on and on. The sun outside seems to start to set.

“I’ve got to get going but it was nice to meet you, Y’N”

“You too, Anthony. Let me know if you need a cup of sugar or anything”, you say following him towards your door. He steps through and across the hallway to his front door. When he shuts his door, you follow suit. You turn around and you can feel Avery’s judging eyes on you.

“I know, I almost blew my cover”, you tell your feline friend. She meows.

-----

You weren't wrong when you told Anthony you’ve been living in Columbia for a while. The problem is his definition and your definition of “a while” were completely different. The truth is you lived in Columbia for 40 years and in this town for about 20. You didn’t age. The only person who could possibly know is Mrs. Rivera but she is very good at minding her own business. You were one of the only ones who came to her husband’s funeral a year ago. You’re practically family. The town’s oldest residents have passed and the owners of the apartments change every couple of years. The rent is paid in cash and the tenets come and go. Every couple of decades you move to another small town in another country. 

You lived a normal life but you didn’t know your parents. You lived in the orphanage until you were 18. It was then you took up a job, reading in your spare time, and traveling when you could. You didn’t even realize your immortality until you were 40 looking 20. And then 50 looking 20. You did try to date but soon came to realize that you’d outlive them, leaving a trail of broken hearts. You were pretty sure you were incapable of love. 80 years old and not prepared for what happened next.

Javier Pena was about to change your life.

[lunannex]

honestly, it sucks that more people write parkner than peter/Ned (what even is their ship name anyway?? Do they even have one??). The few Peter/Ned fics I have read, they’re really good!! Whenever I try to read parkner, I’m just like 🥴 because their dynamic never feels right (they haven’t even met like you said!! And I don’t even think they met off-screen either unless they suddenly decided to become buddies during Tony’s funeral)

Anyway, I can rec some Peter/Ned fics if you like! (You’ll have to give me a few minutes to find them though)

Most people (including me) just call their ship name Interwebs, which is just the CUTEST ship name ever, in my opinion! And please do!!!! I unfortunately haven't gotten the chance to dive into the Interwebs tag on AO3 as much as I'd like to (mostly because a lot of the fics just feature Ned/Peter as a background element that's barely even the focus of the fic, so I get turned off by that) but I would LOVE to read more fics if you're willing to rec some! I'd appreciate that so much, but take your time ofc❤

Alright now to rant a little:

One of the great things about fandom is all the endless possibilities that comes with it. From all the AU's you can make, to the character dynamics you can write about, the pairings you can draw, the characters you can explore in more depth than the canon material did, etc. There's just such a large variety of things that you can do and yet…a lot of people only choose to focus on the white characters, mainly the white men. It's so disappointing entering fandoms as a POC and seeing so little content of all the characters of color. A lot of the time, they're only there to prop up their white friends, to be sidelined or to be demonized, and sometimes they're not even there at all. It's ridiculous and so hurtful that some people aren't even willing to put in the effort.

I've seen some people excuse it as "well they're just a supporting character in canon" or "they're just not interesting enough" but those arguments are ultimately invalid since:

1. Nile Freeman is the main protagonist of The Old Guard but you wouldn't know it from the fandom. She's one of the most compelling and well-rounded characters out there and yet she STILL gets ignored.

2. A white character only being in a supporting role hasn't stopped people from writing in-depth character studies about them in the past (see: Harley Keener himself). 

Then there's the shipping aspect of it all. I've seen people who don't ship Interwebs because they "only see them as best friends" since they "can't see any type of romantic chemistry between", which is fine, but they have no issues with romantically pairing up characters who've never interacted on screen. And in this case, who've never even glanced at each other once. The problem isn't necessarily about what ships a person does and doesn't like, it's mostly about the underlying racist issue that lies beneath it. In most cases these two characters are skinny white guys, and I don't think that's a coincidence. This happens consistently across all fandoms to the point where you start to notice a pattern and it's not only baffling and disappointing, but it also doesn't surprise me. Because of course it's the white mlm pairing that gets the most attention. Some people don't actually care about mlm representation when it doesn't include skinny white guys and it shows.

And if you dismiss the legitimate concerns POC have over how characters of color get treated within fandoms purely for the sake of your "enjoyment" and "freedom of expression" then I'm sorry, but I'll automatically assume the worst of you. Most people don't want to admit that they might be contributing to these problems in one way or another, but the only way you'll learn how to recognize your unconscious biases is by asking yourself the hard questions that you might not want to know the answers to. We all have biases, but it's how we each choose to react to the knowledge that we have them that differentiates us.

[genyathefirebird]

what it keeps of you

ch3 - The Axe (AKA, clearing out the innumerable valuable-not valuable things she’s accumulated over time in a not-last-will-and-testament kind of way) read on ao3 or below

.

There’s weapons, of course.

In the team's eyes, it seems a shame to get rid of them when they’d launch a thesis or furnish an exhibition corner well, and Andy grudgingly agrees, especially if there's good lighting and the glow strikes off the engraved blades nicely.  

It still feels strange, because they are tools. They were made to be used, and now they were to spend their retirement inside a glass box, or worse, inside locked cupboards away from warm palms to hold them the way they were meant to be.

Nicky helps her pack things up, and casually offers his take on it. “I think, maybe we are hoarders.”

“I think we move about too much to be.”

He brushes the dust off his hands and plops them onto his hips. “Good luck decluttering the Halfeti cave.”

It makes her groan at the thought of it. “Don’t remind me.”

They keep working in silence, until Nicky begins humming a tune under his breath, something he must have heard on the radio earlier, or in the car. Or maybe at the opera a few centuries back. It all blurs together, until last week and last decade could easily be switched for each other in sheer forgetfulness.

They find a pair of fine daggers, boxes full of old guns, broken arrowheads she’s never bothered to sweep up and bin that have now fallen into cracks on the floor and threaten to poke through the soles of unsuspecting trainers.

She comes across a cluster of old arrows wrapped in a burgundy piece of fabric and she vaguely recalls the feel of it against her cheeks, protecting her from the harsh desert sun.

The arrows fall out because although they were bundled together, there's not much of the cloth left. Time had shred it into tatters, and that particular century of her life was more faded and opaque than when Andy had last sat down and recalled it. Memories were fickle creatures, and she'd like to think she can still recall the smell of the desert air before the rain, the feel of her damp clothes as they set up the tents for the caravan, and how she had sat underneath the entrance and kept guard while watching the rain come down.

But she would be a liar if she said she remembered the full memory. Sometimes, all she had was a vague impression, a taste of emotion that lingered if the memory was a particularly strong one; her joy, her melancholy, or her rage.

Even then, there were those she'd rather forget and others which were decidedly too boring to still be carried around inside her brain.  

A thought strikes through the mists of time.

Slowly, Andy lowers down another blunderbuss with scratches all over the handle into the box, not worn from use but from a particularly nasty scuffle that had only ended when she had regained her grip on the trigger and fired it.

When she stands, she teeters on her hesitation, “I have something to ask you.”

“Anything, Andy.”

She smiles at that and leans forward to drop a hand on his shoulder. “Nicky, when I am gone, I want you to do something for me.”

“Anything.” He repeats it solidly, and she loves him all the more for it.

It’s not with the crinkle of grief caught behind his eyes that she sometimes sees Joe trying to banish, or the minute hesitation Nile has before she kicks through doors and draws enemy fire with the acute knowledge that she might take enough bullets to fall and then rise again before making it to cover.

He says it plainly, in the same way she knows asking him this is the right thing to do.

“I want you to offer my axe to Nile. She doesn’t have to take it, not if she doesn’t want to or if she prefers something else. But...just ask her, that if she does want it, I’d be glad.”

And now that she’s said the words, she feels lighter for it.

“Of course, Andy."

They smile at each other for a moment, and just as Nicky turns to pick up another empty box to fill, she hauls him into a hug. He responds in kind with his warm arms around her shoulders and back, and she holds on for a little longer than usual, just because she can.

"Thank you."  

---

When the offer finally reaches Nile's ears, not long after Andy's final death, she nods and says she'll think about it.

And she does, for a long time.

The axe is carried around with them as they move to continue their work, even after a brief discussion on whether to store it safely for the meantime, but in the end it goes where they go, and continues to cross land and sea and air.

It remains sharp, lovingly cared for by four pairs of hands that polish the blade and rewrap the handle as the leather unravels.

Eventually, the morning comes when Nile settles on her decision and takes it into her palms after a brief warm up run down the beach. The safe house they're staying at is a secluded one on a farm at the end of a long country lane. No one would ever see them train in the fields or the barn.

With Joe and Nicky's eyes on her, she rotates her wrists, feels the weight of it and its history in her shoulders. "Andy wielded this, I'm not sure I'll be any good with it, even with the few training sessions she gave me. But I want to try."

Nicky smiles and Joe swipes a hand over his eyes but they both stand with their swords and ready themselves to spar with her.

It is a weapon, after all, and made for one use and one use alone. Nile takes it with her on the next mission and it takes its payment in blood and broken bones. The mission is a success and they walk out with all the stolen children.

At their next safe house, Nile cleans it down and packs it back up for the next mission, and so a little piece of Andy remains within them in each battle.

As the years go on, the axe is passed between them, Booker takes charge of it for a year, hacking through hired mercenaries for warlords, and the blade sings with each blow.

Once, Nicky and Joe trade it off during a drawn-out battle. It passes between them in an elegant dance, until it and their arms seem like extensions of the same body.

But time goes on, and their fighting styles evolve further. Nile picks up newer weapons and circles back to older ones for more nostalgic reasons. The axe is still cleaned and polished, and then hung in their most visited safe house, kept under the most secure locks and keys the modern world has to offer.

When the world seems a little darker from burgeoning wars or tragedies, or they embark on a new grim fight that seeks to eat at the edges of their old souls, Nile makes the journey there and takes down the axe. She carries it on her back into battle with her small family, and the four of them are reminded of the strength and courage of its former owner who spent millennia fighting for the good in the world.

[bookerandy]

kaysanova - they adopt some kids after realizing they’ve lost their immortality/one of them gets injured and doesn’t heal

I’m so sorry this took so long! I was going to add more, but haven’t had the time these past few days and decided to just add this part. Thank you for being patient and for sending this prompt! I had a lot of fun writing it.

If I end up writing more, I’ll reblog this and add to it! Also wtf you can’t add read more?? On the app???

-

Thankfully, it hadn’t been a big wound. It had only needed two stiches and Nile had taught herself how to treat their wounds when it happened to Andy. But it wasn’t really the wound that hurt and Nicky knew that.

They had never been without each other. Not even in the beginning, when they had killed each other over and over again. They had always had each other. It had always been the two of them against the world. Not anymore.

Nicky sat on the edge of the bathtub. Nile had crouched in front of him, as she cleaned the healing wound. She talked, but Nicky didn’t listen. It was one of the few times he didn’t listen. He adored her, it was almost like having his baby sister back.

They hadn’t talked about it, even though it had been months now. Nicky knew why, but he wanted to talk about it.

“And then Andy took me to the church downtown”, Nile continued, dabbing the wound with some antibiotics. “Have you been? It was really nice, actually. She even let me pray and-...”

The bathroom door opened. Joe stood there, casually leaning against the doorframe. He had a small smile on his lips.

“Would you give us a moment, Nile? Andy’s trying to cook, you might want to give her a hand.”

Nile glanced up at Nicky as if to ask him if it was alright, and Nicky nodded. He gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze.

“Don’t move, I still need to add a plaster.”

Nile passed Joe and Joe closed the door behind her. For just a moment, Joe stood by the door and Nicky sat on the edge of the tub and they didn’t even look at each other.

“I’m sorry”, Joe said, finally. “I’ve ignored it, I’ve ignored you and I’m sorry.”

Nicky stood. He gently took both of Joe’s hands in his own and held them. He searched for something to say, but in every language he knew there was nothing he could say that would make this hurt any less.

“I love you”, he said, instead. “And I don’t want you to hurt when I’m gone.”

Joe embraced him in a hug and they stood there for a long time. Nicky wasn’t sure how long, but it did make him feel better.

“I’ve been thinking”, Joe pulled back enough to have a look at him. “Do you remember what you said, that first night?”

“I don’t think I understand, Joe…”

Joe led him back to the tub and sat down. Nicky did the same. Joe grabbed his hand as soon as he did and pulled out his phone. He only held it, though.

“The first night we spent together. We talked about our families and you told me about the girl you’d marry. Do you remember?”

Nicky pulled his hand away.

“I am not leaving you!”

Joe was quick to grab his hand again and Joe’s soft fingers calmed his raging heart, if only a little.

“I don’t expect you to. Listen to me, please”, Joe spoke Italian now. Despite the 1000 years that had passed, he still spoke with a slight accent. It was barely audioble, but it was Joe. It was his Joe.

“You told me you didn’t want to marry her”, Joe continued, still in Italian. Nicky suspected it was to make sure Nile didn’t understand if she stood just outside the door, and to make Nicky feel a little more at home. It worked. “You told me the only thing you’d want from that marriage was children. Do you remember?”

Nicky’s heart beat so hard in his chest now that it physically hurt. They had agreed years ago that it wasn’t going to work with children. Even before Booker, they had both decided they didn’t want to outlive their children. Hell, they hadn’t even adopted a puppy for the same reason and that often happened to normal people.

“I’ve been in contact with a social worker”, Joe said, as Nicky slowly sat down next to him again. “And she has a little girl we could have. She only wants to meet you, that’s all.”

“Joe…”

“I mean it, Nicky. I want this and I know you want this.”

Nicky thought for a second and squeezed Joe’s hand.

“Okay.”

The office was brightly lit and had a bunch of kids’ drawings on the walls. It smelled faintly of the flowers in a bouquet by the window. The walls were yellow and the furniture was white. Scattered on the floor, there were toys and stuffed animals.

“You must be Joe”, the woman by the desk stood and held out her hand. “We spoke on the phone.”

Nicky watched as Joe took her hand. She was elderly and had a very kind face. Her hair was pulled up in a neat hairdo.

“And this must be Nicky”, the woman said, when she turned to shake Nicky’s hand. “I’m Rose. I’ve heard you’re interested in getting a little girl?”

Nicky nodded with a bright smile on his lips. He felt silly, but he hadn’t been this happy for a very long time. Since Andy lost her immortality, it had been difficult to find something to keep them going.

“We have a three year old here. Her name is Ava and she is born here in the States. Would you like to sit?”

Nicky and Joe sat by her desk. She offered them coffee and talked to them, asking questions and telling them about Ava. Nicky was about to burst, when she finally asked when they wanted to see her. The woman left the room and Nicky turned to Joe. Joe looked just as happy as Nicky felt.

“I can’t believe we’re going to meet her”, Nicky took Joe’s hand, holding it for a moment.

The woman returned just a few minutes later, with the little girl resting on her hip. Ava had black, kinky hair and big, chestnut eyes. She wore a bright pink dress and a pair of white shoes. She also held a stuffed pony almost as big as herself. She was perfect.

Nicky quickly stood when Rose walked inside the room and let the little girl down on the floor. She held the pony close to her chest and looked up at Nicky with wide eyes. He crouched next to her and waved his hand, just a little.

“Hello, there”, he said, gently. “I’m Nicky.”

“I’m Ava”, the girl said and held out the pony. “This is Pinky.”

Nicky petted the pony and smiled. Joe joined him on the floor and greeted the girl.

“Should we play?” Nicky sat down and picked up one of the stuffed toys.

They played. Nicky wasn’t sure how long they stayed, but he had a warm and fuzzy feeling in his chest. Ava stood with Rose and waved them off when it was time to leave.

They returned two weeks later and signed all the papers. Ava got to come home with them and she was only the first of many.

“You’re gonna get to meet your aunties now”, Nicky told Ava, as Joe unlocked the door to the safe house. They walked inside and even before the door closed behind them, Nile came running.

“Look at her!” She said and she beamed. “Hello, Ava!”

Ava shyly his her face against Nicky’s shoulder and he laughed gently, petting her back.

“This is Nile”, he told her, but let her hide. “She’s your aunt.”

Slowly, Ava turned back to have a look at Nile. Nile looked as if Christmas had come early.

“Andy is in the kitchen. She’s making dinner.”

Joe gently took Ava from Nicky’s arms, as Nicky undressed. They had gotten her gifts to open as soon as they had eaten and Andy had promised to make her favourite (even though no one but Andy knew what that was) and Nile had made baklava the day before. Even Booker had sent Ava a gift. Nile and Andy kept in contact with him, even though it was “cheating”.

Andy stood by the oven in the kitchen. She had a towel thrown over her shoulder and her hair had grown just below her ears. She had dressed up, because she “had to make a good impression.”

“Aunt Andy”, Joe called, and waved to the woman. Ava did the same, although still shyly. “Look at our daughter!”

When Andy turned around, her cheeks were flushed and she looked just as exciting as Nile, even though she clearly tried to hide it.

“Hi there”, Andy said, as she quickly threw the towel on the counter. She held out her hand, but changed her mind a second later and waved instead. “I’m Andy.”

“My name is Ava”, Ava said with a shy smile and struggled to get down on the floor. Joe let her down.

The table setting was all in pink and blue, except for a big wine glass in yellow plastic. Ava’s name was written in big, circular letters on the glass.

Ava waddled to her seat and Andy helped her up, but then quickly took a step back and sat on the other side of the table. Joe and Nicky quickly joined at the table and Nile came inside ten minutes later with a paper crown and placed it on Ava’s head.

“Welcome home, Ava!” Nile said, as she sat next to Andy. Andy served them all (turned out her favourite was pasta and sauce, even though Nicky didn’t actually believe that).

They ate and Ava slowly began talking and wasn’t as shy as she had when they first arrived. She giggled and ate enough food for a horse. Nicky’s heart hurt, that was just how adorable she was.

“Now”, Joe said, when they had all finished their seconds and thirds. “Ava has to open her gifts!”

Ava turned to him with big, bright eyes.

“I get gifts?” She asked. “Daddy, do I get gifts?”

Nicky laughed softly and nodded as a reply. Joe snuck up behind Ava and picked her up from the chair. She cheered, and they all joined Joe as he walked to the living room.

If there had been a tree and some more lights, it would have looked a lot like Christmas did when they celebrated together. Wrapped gifts littered the room and a banner spelled the words “welcome home!” Just above the television. Ava already sat in the middle of the gifts.

Nile pulled out her phone and snapped a picture and Andy didn’t even tell her off.

“Andy…” Nicky gently touched her shoulder. “We said a few. You’ll spoil her.”

Joe laughed and Nile sat next to Ava on the floor. Ava looked around the room in disbelief.

“Don’t worry, there’s one for you and Joe.”

When Nile gave Ava one of the presents, she quickly ripped the paper and held up a colouring book and pencils Nile had gotten. Nicky and Joe ended up together on the couch and Andy sat in the other corner. She watched Ava with an adoration Nicky hadn’t seen in the woman for decades.

Ava unwrapped another gift. She picked up the plastic sword in both hands and swung it around, as she let out a roar. Nile laughed softly violently she fell to the floor.

“Andy!” Joe complained, but he was quick to join his daughter on the floor. Ava hit Joe with the sword and he immediately dropped to the ground, moaning in pretend pain.

“I’m the princess!” Ava announced, even though the paper crown had slipped from her head. When she had hit both Nicky, Nile and Andy, too (and they had all “died”) Ava returned to the pile of gifts for her.

She unwrapped gift after gift. Ballet shoes. More colouring books. Dolls. Stuffed animals. A tutu (which she quickly pulled on and then hit everyone with the sword again). Enough dresses to dress an army of Girl Scouts.

When there was only one gift left, Ava curled up on the couch with Andy and held it out for her, as if to ask Andy to unwrap it for her. Nicky’s heart melted and he could see just how much it touched Andy. She unwrapped it, slowly, as if she was sure Ava would tear it from her hands again, but she didn’t. Andy pulled a plastic dinosaur from the paper. She held it out to Ava, who shook her head.

“You need a toy, too! We have to play together!”

Andy’s eyes got teary and she quickly pulled one last gift from behind her back. She held out it for Ava.

“It’s for papa and daddy. Would you give it to them?”

Ava nodded and turned to her parents and held out the gift as if it was the most valuable thing she had ever held in her little hands.

“You unwrap it, love”, Nicky said, as he wrapped both arms around Joe. Joe took the gift and unwrapped it. When Nicky saw it, he actually began crying.

Joe held a camera in his hands.

“Don’t cry, daddy!” Ava jumped down from the couch and hugged Nicky and he picked her up from the floor and hugged her right back. Her small body felt perfect against his, as if she was meant to be there. And Nicky knew that she was. She was supposed to be theirs. It was destiny, just like it had been destiny that Joe and Nicky had met.

“Andromache”, Joe’s voice was muffled and broke towards the end of her name. “Thank you.”

Nile flopped down between Joe and Andy, pouting.

“Don’t leave me out. I wanna be mushy and cry, too.”

There was an album, too. Even though there were only two pictures in it, so far, it was beautiful. The first picture was of Ava when she was born (Andy wouldn’t tell how she had gotten it) and the second was Ava’s picture from the adoption site. Nile took a few pictures of the room and then way too many pictures of them all together.

Ava became their little gemstone. She was awfully spoiled and got her first, real sword when she turned thirteen. She wasn’t allowed anywhere near missions, but she trained with her aunties as often as she was allowed.

[nkp1981]

Part 4 of a story with an angry cook named Joe and a quiet book nerd named Nicky

Part 3 can be read here: https://bit.ly/3jpcVrU

There were only two people in the world at the moment, who knew that Joe came from old money: himself and the lawyer Le Livre, Joe paid to do stuff, he didn’t bother to do himself like paying the bills. Joe had found Mr. Le Livre in Brussels years ago, when Joe heard a story about a lawyer, who had risked his reputation on defending an Egyptian boy, who was accused of assaulting a local man and won the trial but got fired for taking a case, because it wasn’t company policy. So, Joe had traveled to Brussels and found Le Livre in a pub half drunk, but had taken the time to listen to Joe between two pints, and asked Le Livre if he had meant what he had said in the article, that he wanted to work pro bono helping people. Le Livre then had told Joe that it was his plan but no one in Brussels would lend him the money for an office, so he was planning on moving away. Joe then asked Le Livre to meet him at an address tomorrow sober. At first Le Livre didn’t want to show up, because he didn’t know what to think about Joe, but in the end if Joe needed a lawyer it could be his last case, before leaving Brussels for good. In the morning, Le Livre showed up at the address and found Joe on the top floor. “Do you see Le Livre, I need a lawyer to help me with my inheritance, who doesn’t ask to many questions about what I uses my money for, so If I pay every expenses for you, you can establish your own law firm as long you keep to these conditions: you keep on helping people pro bono no matter where in the world and that you stay away from the bottle. You can have a drink to celebrate a victory but no more than that, but if I ever hear that you got drunk at work or private I’ll fire you without blinking and your law firm will go to another person, who can live up to the conditions.” Joe said in a tone that made Le Livre sign the contract, because he liked that Joe was all business. That was four years ago, and Le Livre was now leading one of the world’s best human rights law firms. After Le Livre had gotten over the shock that Joe asked him to send 50.000 dollars, which was more money than Joe had used in the time, they had known each other, Joe asked him to pay the hospital bills for Nicky and handle some shopping for him before 5pm.

When Joe reached the dinner, his boss shook her head. “Wow on time for once.” Nile joked as Joe came into the kitchen. “Only because I need to get off two hours before.” Joe replied in the hope that Nile was in a good mood. “You do know that Friday is our most busy day, right?” Nile asked and looked at Joe, who somehow seemed a changed man to her. “Fine, but only if you can convince Frank to get in earlier, because Susie is gonna need help.” Nile said and left the kitchen, while Joe called Frank, who after some persuasion agreed on taking those 500 dollars Joe offered.

When Joe came home, he was thankful that Le Livre worked fast as always, when he saw all the bags with things, he had ordered. Joe then went into the library to give it a quick cleaning, before he took the duvet and pillow, which he laid on the sofa, so Nicky could use it as a bed. Then Joe looked in the different bags cursing, that he had forgotten the clothes, so he took a look in his closet, where there was only one clean shirt left, but then he remembered that he had some boxes with clothes in another room. After some searching Joe found a pair of jeans, a t-shirt and a warm sweater and after taking a sniff at it to make sure it didn’t smell moldy, he put in his backpack together with a pair of boots. The last thing Joe did before leaving the apartment was to get all of his drawings out of the way, so Nicky wouldn’t think that he was one of those creepy stalkers.

At the hospital Nicky had spent most of the evening thinking about how to get to the bathroom, but because his ribs still were hurting like hell every time he moved, he knew, he had to make it to the bathroom with less than four steps. It was easy enough to get to the bathroom, but when he wanted to get back to the bed, he got hit by the pain and because his balance still was off a bit, he prepared himself mentally, that he would hit the floor face first, but someone caught him. “We can’t keep on meeting like this.” Joe joked and helped Nicky over to the bed. “Don’t worry, I’m not planning on making it into a habit.” Nicky replied surprised over, that Joe actually had kept his promise and came back, and he let Joe help him over to the bed, where Joe placed the blanket over him, before he sat down on the chair, that Nicky had insisted on not to be moved. “Did you get fired?” Nicky asked in the hope to keep the conversation going. “I’m never gonna be my boss’ favorite, but she tolerates me, because I won't give away the recipe of my Tunisian eggs, which is the most favorite dish on the menu card.” Joe replied, while taking off his jacket. “So, it is kinda a Mexican standoff between you two?” Nicky asked, which made Joe smile, because he had never thought of it like that. “Yeah, you can call it that.” Joe replied and took Nicky’s hand again, which made them both smile like shy teenagers. “So, what did the Doctor say?” Joe wanted to know, and Nicky took a minute before answering, because he wasn’t used to someone taking an interest in him beside Andy and he wanted to enjoy the feelings it gave, when Joe held his hand.. “That I might need an operation for my heart, but the Doctor says, that he will know more in three months’ time.” Nicky explained and looked down at the blanket, because he was sure that Joe would run away over that information, but instead Joe placed a finger under his chin, so they could look at each other. “We will cross that bridge at that time. Together.” Joe replied in the same trusting tone, that somehow gave Nicky some hope for the future for the first time ever. “Oh no!” Nicky said, when he saw Andy with the Glucometer. “Stop it.” Andy said and gave Nicky a gentle slap on the head. “Good you’re here, Yusuf. I show you how it works, what you need to look for and what to do, when needed. I don’t care if you sit on him, when you’re measuring his glucose, but it has to be done until he starts to do it by himself.” Andy said in a commanding tone and looked at Joe, who was hoping that he didn’t have to sit on Nicky, while doing it. Reluctant Nicky lent a finger to Andy and it took only three tries, before Joe understood it and took all the papers, Andy handed Joe about food and correct care for a person with diabetes and heart problems. “I’ll check in on you before you leave tomorrow.” Andy said as the last thing, before she left them alone. “I think she means it well.” Joe said and looked at Nicky, who was suckling on his sore finger. “I know, but her way of showing it at times is a bit harsh.” Nicky replied and looked at Joe in the hope that he would not be like that. “Anyway, are you hungry?” Joe asked and opened his backpack. “Only if it’s better than the dinner I had. I still doubt that beans were beans.” Nicky replied and looked at Joe and opened the bag with figs. “What’s that?” Nicky asked intrigued over the fruit, he hadn’t seen before and took one to take a closer look at it. “Don’t bite in it yet.” Joe said and took the fig from Nicky’s hand and sliced it into half before adding some honey on it. “This is one of the best things I've ever tasted.” Nicky said with a big smile, when he had eaten the first one, and Joe gave him a second, while they both felt a feeling, they had never had before flushing in over them, that this was probably one of their happiest moments in their life. They talked a bit until Nicky fell asleep, and Joe ran once again a couple of fingers through Nicky’s hair, before he took Nicky’s hand and started to read the papers Andy had given him.

In the morning Nicky woke to see Joe sleeping still holding on to his hand, but he didn’t pull it away. Instead he looked out of the window on the rain, but when a thunderclap could be heard, Joe woke. “Morning.” Nicky said and sat up, while Joe ruffled his curls. “Morning. I have to admit, there are days, where I miss the warm steady weather, you find in Tunis.” Joe replied and looked out of the window. “Well, I have only been to Genova, where I was born and now, New York, when I got the scholarship, but one day, I want to see the world. I even got a list over the five places ready I plan to see.” Nicky said and for the first time without any protesting, he let someone check his bloodsucker. “Want some company on that trip?” Joe wanted to know and checked the numbers from the Glucometer. “We barely know each other, besides that you got a temper and habit of stalking me, and then there is me, who is sick, and now you want to go traveling with me?” Nicky asked surprised. “Where I’m from, people have gotten married with less information about each other, and still I’m sorry that I stalked you.” Joe replied and looked sorry at Nicky. “It was my luck in the end, but could we agree that it is something you will never do again?” Nicky asked and Joe nodded. “What do you say, we make a deal? When you’re feeling better, you show me Genova and I you Tunis. And if that goes well, we go seeing those five places you want to visit.” Joe offered and took Nicky’s hand again. “Sounds like a plan.” Nicky replied and they talked a bit until the Doctor came. While the Doctor checked Nicky over, Joe found Andy. “Listen, could I ask you to come by and check on Nicky? I promise to pay you for the time.” Joe asked in the hope she would say yes, so he shouldn’t spend the time on searching for a nurse. “Sure, I’ll check in once a day. Now, get out of here and I’ll see you tomorrow.” Andy replied as the Doctor came out of the room.

“I hope this fits until we find something else.” Joe said, when he handed Nicky the clothes. “Call, when you’re ready.” Joe added and left Nicky to get dressed. When Nicky got the pants on, he was surprised that they fitted him, because he had always had troubles with finding pants, but most of all he was happy about the sweater even though it was a bit too big. “Joe?” Nicky shouted and gave Joe a smile of gratitude for the clothes. “Thanks for the clothes, but I need some help with the boots.” Nicky said and Joe kneeled, so he could help Nicky. “Do they fit?” Joe wanted to know. “They do and I don’t think I got the money to pay for them.” Nicky admitted. “Don’t think about it. You are still talking with the angry cook and your stalker is paying enough. Ready?” Joe asked and Nicky nodded.

“There is something, I haven’t told you, Nicky.” Joe said, when they stood outside the apartment. “Please don’t tell me, that you also are a murder.” Nicky joked, which made Joe smile. “No, but I promise you to explain everything once you have settled in.” Joe promised and opened the front door, where Nicky got a shock over, how big the apartment was. “If you think this is impressive, then you are in for a surprise.” Joe said dried and led the way to the library, where he finally saw the look return in Nicky’s eyes, that Joe loved so much, when Nicky saw all the books. “As promised, more books than you have probably seen in your entire life. There are also books in some boxes in the room over there.” Joe said and pointed at a room behind Nicky, who nodded, before he went over to the first bookshelf and started to run a finger over the books. “This is absolutely fantastic. I don’t know what to say.” Nicky replied with more joy in his voice than ever. “I let you settle in, while I make something for us to eat.” Joe said, but Nicky didn’t hear the last part, because he was already picking out books to read, before he sat down on the sofa with the first ten books.

When Joe came in an hour later with a cart box, he found Nicky sleeping on the sofa with a stack of books next to him. He had never thought the sight of a sleeping book nerd would bring such joy in his life. “Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you.” Joe said, when Nicky looked at him with a sleeping look in his eyes. “It’s ok. This is actually a good sofa.” Nicky replied and sat up, while Joe placed the cart box next to the sofa. “Sorry, I don’t have a table, so this has to suffice until I find something better. Hope you’re hungry.” Joe said and looked sorry over, that he hadn’t thought about buying a table, before he left the room to get the food. “Your Tunisian eggs?” Nicky asked, when Joe handed him the plate. “Yeah and between us, there isn’t much Tunisian over them. I just call them that to make them sound more exotic, than they’re since the secret ingredient actually is turkey bacon, so please don’t tell my boss that.” Joe said in a begging tone and watched as Nicky started to eat. “I won’t, because we all have the rights to our secrets.” Nicky replied and they ate, while Nicky tried his best to guess what kind of ingredients Joe had used  in the eggs.

“So, the apartment?” Nicky asked, when they had eaten and leaned back on the sofa, and it took Joe a moment, before he gave Nicky an answer. “I come from what you call old money, which means my ancestors have spent the last five generations earning more money than the last one by build, buying and developing properties. Sometimes in a legal way and other times not so legal. My parents never loved each other or me, because all they saw in me was the sixth generation, so they sent me off to a boarding school in England, when I was seven and in thirteen years, I only saw my parents twice. I guess, that’s where I started acting out by shouting at the quietest person in the room, who was minding his own business, and it’s something, I’m not proud of, Nicky, because you were the first one, who actually made me realize, that what I’ve done in the past isn’t ok at all.” Joe explained and looked at Nicky with an expression, that he still was so sorry for what he had done in the diner. “My parents died in a car accident, when I was twenty leaving me with properties all over the world, and I’ve sold most of them except two: one in Brussel and then this apartment, which my parents never liked, because the windows were wrong.” Joe added and looked at one of the windows. “What’s wrong with them?” Nicky wanted to know. “Don’t ask me. Rich people are often eccentric people.” Joe replied and shook his head. “So are you in a way. Rich boy working as a cook.” Nicky said. “You’re right, and it was actually something, that was meant to be a temporary thing, while I figured out what to do next, which I still haven’t to be honest.” Joe admitted and stood up to clear the table. When Joe returned, he handed Nicky a bottle of water, before sitting down on the floor again. “Guess it’s my turn but my story isn’t as exciting as yours, Joe, since I’m the kid from the orphanage, who no one would adopt, because of my heart. I guess that’s why, I always had my head in a book, so I could imagine for a time to be a part of something.” Nicky said and looked at the stack of books. “Where does Andy fit in?” Joe wanted to know. “I met her when I was sixteen, when she was working as a nurse at the local hospital in Genova. She was the one, who discovered that I had diabetes and yelled at the monks for not taking it seriously, because they thought I was being dramatic. It cost her the job, and when I got to New York a couple of years later, I found her, and she has been my irritated big sister ever since.” Nicky replied and showed Joe a photo of him and Andy, where she was ruffling Nicky’s hair. “That’s explain, why you don’t listen to her.” Joe said and handed the photo back. “I do, but as you know, things haven’t been great the last couple of months, and I think, I might have pushed her away, when all she wanted was to help me like always. Like you I also have a lot of excuses to do.” Nicky admitted and looked at the photo, before he put it back in his book. “I think we'll never be finished with that.” Joe replied and stood up. “Better get some sleep, Nicky, so you can say sorry to Andy tomorrow, when she checks in on you.” Joe added and ran a couple of fingers through Nicky’s hair again. “You have already done so much for me, Joe, but can you not stay here? This library is big enough for both of us.” Nicky asked, and Joe nodded, before he got the mattress, he normally slept on, while Nicky removed the cart box, so Joe could place the mattress next to the sofa. As the darkness crept into the library, their hands found each other and they fell asleep holding on to each other, 

 my creation

[mimiwrites2000]

Blue

Armin's Week Jan 2020

Day 3 - Prompt: Kiss

Words count: 3206

Pairings: Armin x Annie/ slightly Gabi x Falco

*spoliers for chapter 125

A one-shot about how Armin would finally meet Annie after over than four years, hope you enjoy it!

Armin rode his horse through towns and hills, Gabi by his side.

They rode in silence, but each one’s thoughts were enough noise in their heads, buzzing around, slamming into their skulls, obstinate to get out, and they scarcely held them in.

Besides there really was nothing to talk about.

Armin was concerned about the girl he left behind, Mikasa, he snapped at her, hurt her for the first time ever, then departed.

She didn’t say anything in return.

And that was what made him feel worse, if only she raised her fist and punched him in the guts, if she kicked him and slapped him, if she told him that he’s as worthless as he was when they were kids, getting bullied at every given chance, that he’s not the person they should have brought back to life….

He would have nodded his head and told her that she was right.

He would bend his head down and tell her that he should’ve died four years ago.

His hands tightened on the straddle of the horse, his knuckles turned white, and his teeth clinched.

Armin never thought that a day would come where he and Mikasa would have an argument this corrupt, and the core of it to be Eren. He just wanted to turned around, get back to base, hug Mikasa and apologize.

She had enough weighing her down already.

But, Armin considered, that at the heat of the moment he just spitted out the first thing that came to his mind, he never meant to hurt her and he was stupid to snap at her, but at that moment, his mind exploded with how many things were happening at the same minute.

Eren is destroying the world.

Levi and Hanji might be dead.

Commander Pyxis and commander Nile are gone, hell, he himself killed commander Pyxis.

He had no idea what the Yeagrists were doing, nor Yelena.

He thought of Reiner, the Cart Titan.

Connie and the boy they were after.

Annie.

His breath hitched, and his tongue turned into a knot which was hitting the roof of his throat making him gag.

If the day to finally see Annie out of the crystal had finally came, and it was today…

No, there’s no way he could meet her today, she might not even be out the damned crystal, but then the thought that he could look at her without a barrier between himself and her, that he would be able to raise his hand and land it on flesh rather than a freezing glass…

Again, he didn’t want to get his hopes up.

He decided that he needed a distraction, and he tried to start a conversation: “So you and that kid are close, huh?” Shit, that’s not something he should be asking about now.

“Yes, we are, and that’s why I need him back.” Gabi answered Armin, her voice determined and unwavering, her gaze fixated on the road ahead of them, never averting her eyes from it, as if she looked concentrically, she would get there faster.

“It’s really something to have someone that close to you, isn’t it? Someone you would die for.” Armin was spouting, he wanted to keep this conversation going on.

“Everyone has that someone, no one can live without someone to go back to.” She swallowed hard, and Armin comprehended that this isn’t a laid-back topic for her to approach, “even if we don’t realize it at the moment, but someone is always thinking about us, someone is waiting impatiently to see us, and these people are worth our very last breath.”

Armin contemplated what she said, then he added: “But dying won’t do them any good, we should fight to survive to be with them, shouldn’t we?”

Gabi didn’t answer him, but he noticed that her gaze intensified, something in her eyes deepened.

They kept going on in silence for some time, it was enough time for Gabi to grow the enough courage to ask Armin this question: “Do you have someone like that?”

It was Armin’s time not to answer.

But he did think of some people.

His grandfather, the 104th squad, Hanji and Levi.

Annie.

“You know what, yes, yes I do have that someone, and the whole thing is crazy, I think I’ve gone crazy, I don’t get why I feel that way or how.” He confessed, he just needed the last push and he would spill it all out.

“What are they like?”

Huh.

“Well, when you first look at her, a piercing ice would come out her eyes and you would immediately feel a shiver down your spine.” He glanced at Gabi, and for his surprise, she was already gazing at him, and that encouraged him to talk more, he took a deep breath:

“She joined the cadet corps the same year me and Mikasa did, she ended up in the top ten and she had a special talent in throwing people off her shoulders.” A shy smile pulled at Armin’s lips “she wasn’t talkative, she would eat alone, but that’s not because she’s shy or mean or anything, that’s just who she is, I guess. She’s a good person, but she had a goal in her mind, and she wasn’t interested in anything except in it.”

“What was it? Her goal I mean?” Gabi inquired.

“To go back home.”

“And she couldn’t just do that?”

“if she had the chance, she would have taken it, but no, she had to stay.”

A beat of silence.

“Are you talking about-”

“Wait, do you see what I see?” Armin asked, craning his neck forward as he inspected a silhouette of a horse with someone on it.

Gabi didn’t know why Armin was alerted at the sight of another horse, but when they got closer, she saw a woman in military uniform, a horse’s head implemented on the jacket.

“Hitch? Hitch!” Armin shouted and waved with his hand, and that caught Hitch’s attention.

She looked behind her, and for a moment Armin was worried if someone was chasing her, but the horizon seemed to be empty and only them were in his peripheral view.

When Hitch neared, he noticed that her lips were moving, and Armin wondered if the time had finally come for her to lose her mind and started talking to herself since no one was around her, and then he decided that everything they had been through is certainly enough to turn even trees into lunatics. Just how long until all of them talked to themselves and staggered in the streets? If they were alive by then alright.

The horses neighed as they pulled the straddles, bringing them to a halt, both had sweat dripping from their foreheads and were slightly panting, even though they were riding the horses and not running on foot.

“Oh, hello there Armin, and hello there, young lady, what’s up Armin? Out for a last walk before these titans smash us?” Hitch wisecracks as pointy as ever, but there was a hint of fear in it that was coated with uncertainty.

Armin weighed the decision of garnering information about how everything was going in the interior, or to just ride past her because time was running out and they barely could get to Connie in time.

Annie.

“Hitch.” Armin had no idea how he was supposed to say this and sounding as sane as someone whose life was about to end, so he tried tentatively to reach the subject as smoothly as possible, “when the walls fell down, the armored titan’s armor broke down at the same moment.”

“Ok?” Hitch titled her head to the side, slightly offended that Armin ignored her question.

“Annie. I know this might sound crazy, but.” His hands were up and in front of his head, shaking violently and waving around, as if drawing motions with them would help him get to his point tranquilly, “the crystal, I mean-”

“Well don’t you look at that.”

Armin’s arms froze midair, and air was stuck in his lungs.

Even though there was a chance that Hitch was only playing around and pulling a prank on Armin, it was highly anticipated that she was solemn.

Then Armin saw something.

Or someone.

He got off the horse, and Gabi did so only to catch the horse’s straddles; they couldn’t afford more time to be dashing after horses, not now.

Armin walked a few hesitant steps towards Hitch, and the someone was more visible.

A small frame, a hunched back.

Blonde locks.

“Annie…” He could manage to get some air out and wheeze that name, and it didn’t come out as a question, because she slowly, almost agonizingly slowly, lifted her head up, and he could see her face.

It was her face with no doubt, he has been looking at it for hours daily, for over than four years.

But for the first time in these four years, there wasn’t a barrier between him and her.

He wondered if her eyes had always looked this blue.

As blue as an ocean, he thought.

Then she sighed, and got off the horse too, but with some trouble.

And then she was standing right in front of him, only some feet apart, Armin inexplicably felt premonition of emotions swirl through his stomach, and he didn’t know what expression he was making, nor did he know Annie’s, since she suddenly was interested in the dirt underneath her shoes.

Armin stretched out his arms towards her, but still far away to feel her body’s heat, and his arms kept hanging there.

She was there, he could touch her face.

He spent sleepless nights just wondering how her hair would feel like between his fingers, and how his own body would feel pressed against hers, he imagined her body warm, unlike the crystal that she caged herself in, warm and soft.

Then he was startled when her head snapped up.

Blue met blue.

It was almost detectible to see the sparks materializing from both of them, for them to meet in the middle and create a magnificent mass of luminous blue energy; too gorgeous to stare at, too terrifying to touch.

“Armin.” She said, he felt a pinch on air rushing into his lungs, and instead of breathing ordinarily again, it only suffocated him more.

Then Armin’s eyes were growing hot, and blazing tears squirmed at the edge of them threatening to fall if he blinked, but his eyesight was growing blurry, so he had to blink, but his view didn’t clear out, because now tears didn’t stop falling and scrolling down his cheeks.

She only looked at him, her face more professional than a poker face, but if you’ve been around her for enough time, you’d know she’s showing more emotions than she did in years.

Armin heard Hitch throwing colorful profanities, but her voice seemed distance, and he was weightless; floating, like he was deep under water.

He called her name one more time before he took the two steps separating them and wrapped his arms around her; he hugged her tightly, so tight, and a few sobs slipped from his clenched jaw, and he hugged her tighter because -even though he had already anticipated that she broke free from the crystal- he couldn’t believe that he could just touch her.

To feel her.

Her body was warm, and her hair was soft, he didn’t know when he had tangled his fingers in her hair, but he didn’t pull back.

Then weak arms were pressing around him, and he had to pull back for a second to make sure he was hugging Annie because there was no way Annie’s grip would be as weak as that.

She pulled him back into the hug, and he hugged her again.

He was laughing.

And he didn’t know why.

Then he felt his shirt getting damp from where Annie’s face was buried, and that was when he loosened his embrace.

He pulled back, his arms cupping her cheek, and wiping off a tear of her cheek.

For a moment, in years, he felt pure happiness.

It’s true the world was crumpling down around them.

And it’s true that they would probably be dead soon.

He was happy for a moment.

And by seeing the twitch at the corner of her lips that turned into a smile, he assumed that she was as happy as he was.

Armin rested his forehead on Annie’s, then she closed her eyes, and so he did.

“You’ve taken your time, haven’t you?” Armin questioned her, though he wasn’t serious in the slightest.

“I did.” She answered, and he could hear the smile through her voice.

“A lot have happened.”

“I know.”

“A lot have changed.”

“I know.”

“I’ve changed.”

“I know.” She sounded confident when she replied to his last statement, her voice firm, and her fingers digged slightly in his cheeks.

Armin’s lips were partly opened, he was thinking of how he could tell her about everything that happened, all the catastrophes that occurred while she was locked away, faraway from anyone’s reach.

He, even though they were on the line to do their most likely failed mission, let himself enjoy the blue in her eyes; he had never been this physically close to Annie, and his breath was taken away.

He could get lost in her eyes at any time, to sink and drown and not even trying to save himself.

You should tell her.

A nagging voice at the back of his head insisted.

You must tell her.

“Annie, I-”

“She knows.”

Armin completely forgot that they had company, he had lost the sense of time and place the moment he felt Annie’s body against his, and despite the fact that he felt slightly irritated that he was snatched back into reality form his boundless pensive world; he was glad he was run by again with their condition.

And now that Hitch said that Annie already knew everything, then Hitch must have told her before their unforeseen meeting.

“She was awake, all this fucking time, she heard everything we said.” Hitch said this as it was the most common thing anyone could do at any time; yeah sure my friend got herself crystallized for four years but she was conscious all that time! Do you believe that?!

Armin looked back at Annie for validation only to find that she was already staring at him.

“Is that…?” He couldn’t let himself finish the question.

“Yes, I was.”

It took Armin three seconds before her turned into fifty shades of red.

He looked everywhere except Annie’s eyes, but he was sure she was still there because she was in his arms. His arms that now were around her waist.

A giggle.

That’s a sight he couldn’t miss, so he instantly looked at Annie, who held a bigger smile on her face.

Dammit.

“Never thought you were that type, Armin.” She said, “But I guess four years did change you in many aspects, right?” She was enjoying this way too much.

“Well.”

“But honestly you look handsome in this haircut.”

“Huh?” Armin didn’t think she would say this so abruptly, and he shivered at her fingers skimming the hairs from his undercut.

“I mean, I did like your long hair, but you look as good as I remember.”

Armin was looking back straight into Annie’s eyes, he could see the deepest corners of the ocean in her blue orbs, then his eyes flickered to her lips.

Then her eyes flickered to his lips.

And they both met in the middle.

It wasn’t a sweet kiss from one of the fairy tales his grandfather used to read to him; when the prince met the princess and their lips barely brushed in a sweet, gentle kiss, no, it was rough, rougher than a first kiss should be, but perfect for two souls with suppressed spirits, prohibited from feeling each other for years.

His arms could wrap completely around her waist, she was tiny, really petite, and he grew in the past few years, not much to be compared by his teammates, but he was adequately built to gulf Annie into him fluently.

Annie kissed him back as hard as he kissed her, if not even tougher, no one would know how much at times she just wanted to get out of the crystal, grab Armin by the collar of his shirt, smash her lips onto his, then get back into the crystal.

But when it finally did happen, she wondered if it was even humanly possible to want to get back into that freezing cold mass after feeling the blazing flames his lips were.

They both never kissed anyone before, but they couldn’t imagine anyone on earth would have the same lips as the ones they were kissing now.

Annie cupped Armin’s cheeks and moved her lips towards his, for some inexplicable reasons, it didn’t feel awkward, nor did it feel just right, it felt like they had already done this plenty of times, but each time they kiss, a new fire is ignited and they were thrown into a whole new world.

But their real world was ending, but there they were.

“Um excuse us, but we are kind of in a hurry and, uh, the walls literally just collapsed?” Hitch sarcastically commented, even though her grin was so wide it was actually audible.

Annie pulled away, and it was the cutest thing ever when Armin followed her withdrawing lips, wanting to kiss her more and obviously didn’t hear Hitch, but then he opened his eyes, and they were blurred, like he just woke up from a two days sleep and was itching to sleep even more.

So, Annie caressed his cheeks and while doing that she softly replied to Hitch: “Shut up.”

She watched him blink a few times, then he slightly shook his head, and he seemed to emerge back into reality, then his eyes widened, and Annie, with all the strength she could monitor, held herself back from just kissing him for the end of all eternities.

“Yes.” He murmured, and nor Annie, nor Hitch and nor Gabi -whom jaw hit the ground- were aware if he was agreeing with Annie or with Hitch, but maybe he was syncing his senses back to that moment.

“Yes…Yes!” He said, this time completely back in his mind, his eyes had a glint that didn’t show in years, “Annie, could you transform?”

“What?” Annie was confused, she shrugged her head back.

“I mean, we need to get to Ragako, Connie’s village, as fast as we can.” Armin took a step back and even though his body language seemed to indicate that everyone was included in this conversation, his eyes were fixated on Annie, “and your titan form is fast! Faster than thirty horses combined!” he was gesturing with his hands, then he stopped, a cover of concern layered him: “wait, I don’t even know if your capable of transforming, I mean, are you ok? How are you feeling? You had clearly lost mass muscles, I just-”

Annie reached out and held his hands in both her hands, looked him in the eyes and said: “Yes."

Thank you for reading!!!

@armin-week2020

[glorious-spoon]

Live Like Legends [The Old Guard]

Title: Live Like Legends Pairing: Gen; background canon pairings Rating: Teen Warnings: None Other Tags: Canon-typical gore, Bathing/washing, Non-sexual intimacy Summary: After a particularly bloody battle, the team takes care of each other. Notes: For a prompt on The Old Guard Kinkmeme that asked for the team bathing together.

ON AO3

*

Nile has been crammed in the back seat in between Booker and Andy for what feels like hours, although it’s probably more like twenty minutes, while Joe takes a circuitous route out of the city. She kind of wishes he’d hurry it up, but on the other hand, getting pulled over in their current state would make what’s already been a pretty bad day way, way worse.

Booker’s legs don’t really fit in the cramped back seat, but he doesn’t really seem that put out about the way he’s got one knee twisted up under the door handle and the other jammed into Nile’s thigh. His hand is across his face like he’s dozing. On her other side, Andy has her head tilted against the window, hair leaving smears of blood on the glass, to all appearances genuinely fast asleep. Up front, Joe is talking with Nicky in Italian too quick and soft for her to follow.

The whole vibe is unnervingly reminiscent of late-night bus trips home from her varsity soccer games. Other than the fact that they’re all liberally smeared with blood and gore. Nile can feel something horribly chunky dribbling down the back of her neck every time she moves, and she has an awful suspicion that it’s bits of her own brain from that last shotgun blast she took. She’s trying very hard not to think about that mostly because this is all disgusting enough without adding vomit to the mix.

“We’re here,” Nicky says suddenly in English, and Nile lifts her head, blinking dazedly, as the little safe-house comes into view. Joe brakes gently into the driveway, which turns enough that the tall hemlocks lining the road block them from view of anybody who might be out driving by.

Andy is up by the time they come to a stop, going from sleeping to waking in the blink of an eye. She shoves the door open and offers Nile a hand out; on the other side, Booker groans as he unfolds himself out of the car.

Nile’s shirt sticks to the back of the seat like it’s glued before finally peeling away. “Dibs on the shower,” she mumbles, and Andy laughs. “What?”

“It’s a big shower,” Joe says over his shoulder as he climbs the steps. Nicky pushes the door open while she’s still blinking about that, and holds it open for the rest of them to slip inside.

The rest of them make a beeline to the bathroom, shedding clothes as they go, and Nile pauses in the doorway, letting the door fall shut behind her. “Wait, are you serious?”

“What, you never shared a shower before?” Booker asks absently. He’s focused on the buttons of his shirt, which are tacky with blood.

Nile rolls her eyes. “I mean, yeah, but not with four other people. Not like this.”

“We should all fit,” Joe says through the open bathroom door. He’s naked already, which at least answers the question of whether they’re leaving their underwear on as some kind of awkward nod to modesty. It’s probably just as well. Nile took a couple of bullets to the chest and she’s pretty sure the underwire is popping out of her bra from how it keeps jabbing at her. Nicky kicks his pants off too and leans around him to start the shower, and Nile sighs, shakes her head, and gives up.

“Fuck it. Fine,” she says, and reaches up to start unbraiding her hair. She realizes her mistake a moment later when she gets a handful of—something—slimy and squishing, and she gags before Andy steps close and grips her wrist firmly, bringing it down.

“Let me do it,” she says calmly. It doesn’t come out like a question, exactly, but she waits until Nile nods before moving around behind her to start undoing her braid, matter-of-factly pulling out bits of gore and God knows what else. Nile closes her eyes and breathes in through her nose, then out, waiting for her gorge to settle. When she opens them again, Booker is crowding into the shower after Nicky and Joe. Nile watches long enough to see him catch an elbow to the midsection from the latter that doesn’t look entirely accidental, then closes her eyes again.

“If you’re not comfortable with it,” Andy says from behind her as her fingers work, “I’ll kick them out.”

The thing is, Nile knows she’d do it, just like she knows that all three men would comply without complaint. It’s that, maybe, that makes her shake her head. “No, it’s fine. Not like we need to be tracking more blood all over the place anyway. Besides, none of you got anything I haven’t seen before.”

Andy laughs softly. “Fair enough. There, you should be good.”

“Thank you,” Nile says, turning back toward her. She looks like some sort of elemental, shirtless and smeared with blood, but there’s a gentleness about her expression all the same. A kind of calm that leaves Nile space to settle.

“You’re welcome.” The corner of her mouth tilts up, and she bends down to unzip her boots, adding, “Better hurry before we run out of hot water.”

“There’s plenty,” Nicky says from behind the shower curtain. And then, “Joe, here, let me—”

“Thank you, habibi.”

Andy tugs her blood-drenched jeans and underwear off, leaves them in the heap that Nile is pretty sure they’re going to have to burn, and climbs into the shower. There’s a rustle behind the curtain, and Booker yelps, “A little warning next time, boss? I really don’t want to die again tonight from slipping in the bathtub.”

“Oh, don’t be a baby,” Andy says, and Joe snorts, and Nile finds herself grinning as she pulls off her clothes and follows.

Inside is cramped and steamy, a wet tangle of limbs, but Joe was right; they do fit, just barely. Nicky is under the spray, rinsing soap out of his hair, a pink-tinged trail of suds sliding down his shoulders and back. Booker’s hair is covered in soap too, but when Nicky ducks out from under the water he catches Nile gently by the shoulder and steers her under it, and Nile lets herself be steered. Lets the warm water sluice over her body for a moment, then takes the washcloth Nicky passes her and runs it over herself, rinsing away the blood and other things better left unmentioned. “Anybody seen my shampoo?”

“Here,” Joe says, and leans between Nicky and Andy to pass her the shampoo bar. Nile takes it gratefully. That’s the nice thing about this being an actual safe-house instead of some random hotel room: her stuff is here, and she’s not stuck trying to wash gore out of her hair with some shitty hotel soap.

She moves out from under the spray to start working shampoo into her hair, section by section, and Andy pulls Booker under it. “You have brains in your hair,” she says, working her fingers through his soapy hair with the air of a mama cat forcibly bathing her kitten. Nile snorts out a giggle, feeling dazed and punch-drunk. Gunshot-drunk. If that’s a thing.

“I think we all had brains in our hair after that.”

“Except maybe Nicky.”

“Hmm,” Nicky agrees. He’s running a cloth over Joe’s back and shoulders with careful focus as Joe leans against the shower wall, wet curls falling into his face, eyes closed. “I did avoid that. Although I’ll admit that decapitation is still not my favorite way to go.”

“Especially when they use a dull machete,” Joe mumbles into the crook of his arm, not asleep after all.

Nicky drops a kiss on his newly clean shoulder. “Well, we can’t all be dashing warriors with a shamshir.”

Nile peers at him, suds running down her elbow to drip on the tile floor. “Wait, is this another one of your murder-flirting things, or…?”

“Asqalan,” Joe says, still into his arm. “What a fucking mess that was.”

Nicky kisses his other shoulder with an air of apology. “It was.”

“You’re done,” Andy says to Booker, elbowing him out of the way to step under the spray herself, tilting her head back. Rivulets of water cut through the blood caked on her skin, pooling around her feet. Nile finishes with her hair and leans past Andy to get the shower gel and another washcloth, which she wets and passes over to Booker.

“Thank you,” he says, with a brief smile. Andy is already scrubbing herself with a handful of suds, balancing gracefully on first one foot and then the other to get at the blood that must have dribbled into her boots. When she finishes, she draws Nile back under the water with a gentleness that Nile would never have thought her capable of when they first met.

This is up there with some of the more casually bizarre situations she’s been in since she died and woke up for the first time, especially if she discounts all the ones that involved getting murdered, but it’s… nice. It’s really nice, actually.

She finds herself sitting on the edge of the tub some time later, detangling her hair with her fingers while Nicky and Joe sway together under the spray in what looks like something between a slow-dance and a half-conscious effort at staying upright. It should feel uncomfortably intimate, but instead Nile just feels warm and loose and relaxed for the first time in hours. Maybe weeks. There’s something peaceful about it, the familiar scent of coconut as she works conditioner through her hair, the warm patter of water on the tile floor, long-since rinsed clean, the little human noises of all of them together.

“Okay, I’m getting us clothes before we all fall asleep in here,” Booker mutters eventually, and slips around the two of them to climb out of the tub. Andy huffs laughter and smacks at his hip without looking up from where she’s scrubbing blood out from under her nails; Booker ruffles her wet hair, tips Nile a grin, and then is gone.

He’s back a few minutes later, dressed, with a stack of towels and four piles of pajamas. Nicky and Joe move aside to let Nile under the spray to rinse out the conditioner, and by the time she shuts the water off, warm and clean at last, she’s alone in the shower.

The others are already dried off and dressing when she climbs out onto the wet floor. The coolness of the room is a shock, and she huddles gratefully into the towel that Booker drapes over her shoulders. He got her pajamas and one of her head scarves, a gold-and-purple one she found somewhere in Marrakesh. She smiles up at him, and he squeezes her shoulder and says, to Andy, “You have a visitor.”

Andy groans. “If it’s Copley, I’m going to shoot him. Or maybe myself.”

“You just got done washing the blood off,” Booker points out. He nods toward the living room. “It’s not Copley.”

“Oh,” Andy says. She tugs a t-shirt over her head, peers out through the doorway, then lets out a word that might be a curse or a prayer in a language that Nile doesn’t recognize, her face going soft. “Oh.”

“Who—” Joe begins, peering after her. Nicky cranes his head as well. “Ah.”

“You’re just going to keep the suspense going, huh?” Nile asks. She pulls on her shirt, then follows the rest of them out into the living room, scarf in hand and still-damp hair dripping down her back.

Perched on the sagging couch is a woman that she’s seen only once outside of dreams: this afternoon, spinning a path of destruction through the mercenaries who had them pinned down inside the warehouse with the fearless grace of someone who cannot die. She vanished before any of them could follow, and Andy was white and wordess all the way back to the car.

She’s cleaned up sometime between now and then, dressed in jeans and a wool jacket wrapped tightly around her even though it’s not at all cold in here. Her hair is braided out of her face and her expression is impossible to read, her eyes fixed on Andy.

“Quynh,” Andy says, a soft exhalation. She’s gripping the door frame like it’s the only thing holding her upright.

Quynh inclines her head slowly. Out of a fight, there’s something cautious and rusty about the way she moves, like she’s still remembering how to exist in her body, in the world. “Andromache.” Her eyes move over the rest of them, dark and wary. “Nicolò and Yusuf. And you’re the new one.”

“Yeah,” Nile says. She has no idea what to do with this frozen standoff, but it’s clear that none of the rest of them are going to make a move, and anyway her mother raised her right. She steps forward, holds out her hand. “Nile. Nile Freeman. It’s nice to meet you.”

There’s a sound like a choked laugh behind her, but after a long moment Quynh smiles slightly and reaches up to clasp her hand.

[miss-mishka]

The Old Guard (Image, 2017) vs Youth (comiXology, 2020): A Completely Biased Comparison

I don’t really know what this is, kind of a crack review, because I had more to say about these two recent reads than I could fit in my Goodreads reviews. So it will be a long read if you opt to proceed. Be warned: ADULT LANGUAGE BEYOND THE CUT, I make no promises that my words will be coherent throughout & sarcasm will abound as I discuss two mini/limited issue comic series’ that I’ve recently bought into.

They are: 

1)The Old Guard, 2017 Image Comics 5 issue miniseries release, written by Greg Rucka, illustrated by Leandro Fernandez

Main cast, above, left to right: Sebastien le Livre aka Booker; Nile Freeman (no alias, currently); Andromache the Scythian aka Andy; Nicolo di Genova aka Nicky; Yusuf al-Kaysani aka Joe. Noriko is also a related, but not pictured, character.

2) Youth, 2020 comiXology Original 4 issue miniseries, written by Curt Pires, art by Alex Diotto

Main cast, above, from left to right: River, Jan, Kurt, Frank. Trixy is also a main character, but not featured on this group cover. (That wasn’t deliberate on my part.  Since it’s a new series, I wanted a cover shot to help you if you want to shop for the series & this was the only one with most of the group clearly visible.)

So now let’s get to some plot.

The Old Guard is a group of warriors that are much harder to keep dead that your average person.  Their ages range from Andy, estimated over 6,000 years old, to Nile, 27 per issue #4. The hows & whys of their ability to recover from injuries up to & including death, are completely unknown, but the ability can end with the same lack of understanding as it began. Andy has found 6 others like her in her time on Earth. 1 has died.

Youth is the teenaged couple Frank & River running away from their home town, meeting up with the older teenaged, possibly early 20s,trio that comprises rest of their group. While fleeing cops, drunk & high after a party, the group’s van is struck by what appears to be a meteor. It does, but doesn’t kill them. They each get a special power from it & all can suddenly fly.

Their enemy/obstacle/villain:

For The Old Guard, it’s big pharma bro Steve Merrick; his security chief, former CIA agent & the one who led Merrick to Andy’s team, James Copley; and the ‘mad’ scientist Dr. Ivan.

For Youth, this is it.  Bootleg Nick Fury and the government resources at his disposal.  (Take note, this is the one clear win that Youth has over ToG.  I love & want more Don.)

Relationships:

Joe & Nicky

Andy & Noriko

Frank & River

Frank & Trixy (just hooking up to help ruin the actual relationship above)

While both comics have their group dynamics, they also have a clear gay couple at the center of their storylines.  For The Old Guard, it’s Joe & Nicky.  For Youth, it’s Frank & River.  But Frank seems to be questioning, as he’s drawn to his new female acquaintance, Trixy. Kurt & Jan also seem attracted to Trixy, but the relationships between those three are not explored in these issues.  River is most definitely immune to Trixy. So, Frank & River fall into the dysfunctional relationship category while Joe & Nicky, together over 900 years, are #RelationshipGoals.

So what’s the 411?:

For The Old Guard, Andy, Booker, Joe & Nicky sign on for a job from Copley to rescue some kidnapped schoolkids. Izza traaaaaaaaaaap! While the team decides to go on the offensive & track Copley down after he’s learnt their secret, Nile is killed in action only to find that she’s one of the ones that don’t stay dead easily. Andy goes to retrieve the new ‘recruit,’ the first since Booker in 1812, while the guys go to a safehouse to search for Copley.  When Andy & Nile finally arrive at that location, they find Booker recovering from severe injuries while Joe & Nicky have been taken. It becomes a rescue mission for their captured brothers in addition to the seek & destroy goals for Copley.  Along the way, Booker & Nile bond.  Andy’s a tougher nut to crack. While Booker tries to locate their targets, Joe & Nicky are being tortured by the mad Doctor “for science” in hopes of discovering a profitable immortality drug for Merrick’s biz. Booker conveniently finds the whole Merrick operation taking place in Dubai, so off they go for their rescue mission & revenge.  But...well, IZ ZA TRAP! Booker’s done with this undying thing & has sold the team out to see if Dr. Ivan can cure him of life while using the others to defeat death.  Andy & Nile, though, aren’t helpless lil ladies.  Neither are Joe & Nicky.  With rescue under way, Joe & Nicky convince the doctor to let them go, then kill him, then find the others, meet Nile for the first time, kill Merrick as one happy new family, take off for Malta(yeah, in the comics, they’re THERE again), vote Booker off their island for 100 years & then leave him alone to be found by one very salty Noriko - she’s well-brined after 500 years in the ocean & batshit insane, to boot. That’s the first of three arcs planned for this group.  About 160 pages over the 5 issues & not a panel wasted, in my opinion.

For Youth, River’s got a lousy step-dad, Frank has a lousy job; together they hate their town & lives, but maybe kind of love each other.  So River says let’s steal my stepdad’s cherished old Mustang & run off for California.  The car gets a flat, but there’s no spare to replace it & they ran away with no money because they’re teenagers.  While broken down in a Walmart parking lot, the car draws the attention of Kurt, who grew up learning some mechanical stuff, appreciating the classics & is willing to offer help. Upon hearing that it’s a flat tire & the couple has no means to replace it, the decision is made to torch the car (it’s a Mustang, HOW DARE YOU?!) & get into the van with Kurt & his two female travelling companions. The five barely exchange names before they’re off to a party where alcohol & drugs mix to make Frank & Trixy horny for one another. River sees them making out & starts to leave when the cops show up to raid the party with all it’s underage & illegal happenings.  River, such a sweetheart, is ready to leave Frank & Trixy to be arrested, but Kurt makes sure they all get away together in the van.  A high (emphasis on high cause Kurt did some cocaine at the party) speed chase ensues with just a little awkwardness among the group as they realize that Frank & River were together & Trixy only kind of cares that she was pulled into their mess. Before there can be arguments, hairpulling slapfights or other drama over the man, the speeding vehicle is demolished by a meteor slamming to Earth.  Except it may have been aliens? In issue #2 we see this:

After this faceoff, these celestial beings go at it, destroy what appears to be their home planet & create the space debris that hits the van & gives the youths powers.  It totally killed Jan for a little bit, but that’s ok because Jan has the best powers.  She came back from death & can track other powered people without Prof X’s massive Cerebro setup, which is handy when you’ve got Bootleg Nick Fury tracking you down because of the ‘anomaly’ that hit you. Trixy?  She’s got a temper.  When Don Thunder descends upon them with a small army of soldiers, Trixy turns them into twisted piles of gore and metal.  I’m not sure what she did, but it was messy.  I imagine in a movie the squish, crack, snap, pop, burst & splat sound effects would reign in that moment.  With that dealt with, the group makes plans for what they should do next.  Which is apparently, rob an armored truck (can anyone guess whose idea it was?) because they have no money for food or lodging.  The heist does not go to plan because the guard driving the armored truck is distracted so he doesn’t see River standing in the road trying to stop the vehicle until the newly powered kid STOPS the vehicle.  I’m pretty sure the guards, especially the driver whom they made sure we knew had a pregnant wife, are dead.  Frank’s upset about this, blames River, who honestly could have flown off as soon as he realized that the truck wasn’t stopping as planned & the now very strong River smacks Frank into a wall.  This pairing is not destined for 900 years together, I imagine Yusuf would continuously chop off his hand rather than strike Nicolo in a non-fun & consensual way.  But the Youth gang still grabs some money bags and flies off.  While multiple people capture it on their cell phones.  Modern technology is an enemy to both the Youth & Old Guard. The kids take their money & go party.  Alcohol & drugs again.  Frank & Trixy making out again.  This time when River sees his man with the girl, he declares the relationship over & storms out of the club.  Killing a few people & knocking a sizable hole in the building to fly off while Frank freaks out & Trixy realizes this guy might be too much drama for her edgy self. We’re at the end of issue #3 which closes with this gem:

The more you know, right? Issue #4 has Don recovering from his injuries after Trixy’s finishing move failed to eliminate him (Dictionary: fore*shad*ow, verb: be a warning or indication of (a future event)).  He sees video of the armored truck robbery on the news (O! these pesky kids with their cell phone cameras & viral videos) & he’s back on the hunt for the gang.  River’s gone back home to the place he always went to to be alone when his stepdad was too much to deal with at home.  Frank finds him there, because he had been shown that spot.  It was their spot. It’s a sweet reunion where Frank still loves River despite the carnage so long as River still loves Frank with the cheating.  A win-win lost-lost. And our Bootleg Nick Fury has his remaining eye on the lovebirds & is ready to attack!  Jan, Kurt & Trixy see breaking news of the fight Frank & River put up against the government goons & Trixy is outvoted by the other two that they’ll go help their acquaintances of like 48 hours.  The time they take deciding & getting there, though, puts them unfashionably late.  Frank is seriously injured causing River to go Dark Phoenix so that the others can get Frank to safety.  It fades to black, skips forward 3 months & implies that Frank’s going it alone in California where he was meant to be with River, but River is gone. (So obviously not dead, but captured by Thunder who clearly has his own powers because River’s Phoenix fire definitely didn’t kill this Superspy.)  But Trixy’s all consoling and explains how Jan is locating other kids with powers - posthumans, they’re called -  all around the world & they’ve decided to start searching for them to create a bigger group.  Frank says it’s like the X-Men, but Jan isn’t quite Xavier level leader, so I say more New Mutants. Frank declines to be part of it. Trixy leaves him on a nice, sunny beach & goes to find Jan who portals them here, the most obviously “Not X like” structure in the world for their not a Bootleg X-Men/New Mutants series to take place in in the future: 

(JFC, the colors alone are classic Wolverine! Originality. Did you maybe want to try that with this series?)

For the end of “Season 1″ of Youth, which implies there will be more.  The single issues of the 4 part mini account for 125 pages & I consider several of those pages wasted. 

Final Verdict:

With powerhouse publishers like DC & Marvel having decades worth of this content, Youth was entering a very crowded arena.  The only thing it focused on as a lure to draw attention from the big leagues was the relationship between Frank & River, but representation has come a long way & Youth needed more. More story development, more group dynamics, more SOMETHING. Because I read the series in a world where I now know that The Old Guard exists & what Greg Rucka did with that series in simple & overt representation is a master class that Curt Pires needs to attend before any 2nd season talk for Youth. The world, my world, is ready for immortal gays. We’ve seen it, we need more.  If River’s still alive, as I suspect, then there’s potential, but it shouldn’t magically erase all the issues that Frank & River had as a couple.  They are not anywhere near the level of Joe & Nicky.  And if/when Youth returns it needs to focus on the characters that we’re supposed to engage with & keep the focus on ALL OF THEM.  Comics take art, with or without words, to tell some incredibly entertaining & complex stories. Don’t waste the space on blackness & block quotes, no matter what Marlon Brando is doing with mailboxes. Create the visuals & worlds in your head & tell the story with your heart so it comes to life for all of us.  That’s what Rucka did with The Old Guard & I want to see more writers, artists & publishers striving to attain that level for us.  I’m spoiled to it now & you can expect this kind of insanity from me if you fail to reach for this bar.

If you cannot tell by the end of all this, I am completely biased in favor of The Old Guard & if you can afford it, but haven’t done so yet, BUY THE BOOKS! Youth gets points for effort & dragged for everything else.

[tmarie82]

A Chance Encounter

Pairing: Damien Nazario x Niles Edison

Book: Perfect Match / The Heist: Monaco Crossover

Word Count: ~3,100

Rating: M (for language and sexual content)

Author’s Note: This is a pseudo-request stemming from a conversation with @akrenich a while ago about what would happen if the sexy silver fox Niles Edison met our favorite private investigator Nazario? I sat on it for a while and finally concocted this part-steamy/ part-angsty little backstory. I hope you enjoy!

Please let me know if you would like to be added to my tag list. You can find all of my fics in my Masterlist on my homepage.

~~~~~~~~~~

Damien

Damien shifted uncomfortably against the wooden bench, his eyes locked on the peeling label of the beer bottle he held in his hand. He fiddled with the paper with the tip of his thumb, determinedly trying to strip the adhesive further away from the smooth glass. Not that it was a particularly urgent task, but he was happy for the distraction from the droning on of the jackass sitting across the booth from him. The jackass with his arm draped around Camille’s shoulders as he blathered on, the one her sparkling blue eyes couldn’t get enough of tonight.

If Damien was totally honest, Luke wasn’t a bad guy. He was a successful young architect, he had decent taste in music, and he seemed to treat Cami well. Best of all he made her happy … yet Damien was having a hard time reconciling all of these facts in his mind when he felt like he’d been sucker-punched in the gut every time he heard the word “Luke” roll off her smiling lips lately. And tonight was even worse. Seeing them together, touching each other, making googly eyes at one another … even the crisp hoppy tang of his favorite beer couldn’t wash away the bitter tinge of jealousy in his mouth. Nope. He was going to need something stronger for that task.

“I’m gonna get another drink.” He muttered begrudgingly as he slid out of the booth. He was about to offer to get another round for the table, but Camille didn’t even look up when he spoke. Instead, she burst out laughing at some asinine joke Luke had just told. Even Nadia seemed distracted, clicking away on her phone in the corner of the now-empty bench. Well nevermind then, you guys are on your own tonight.

Chugging down the rest of his beer, Damien maneuvered his way through the crowded watering hole towards the bar. Setting the empty bottle down on the worn wooden counter, he leaned down against the barstool and gripped his head in his hands while he waited for the bartender to finish with the older gentleman beside him. He hated this. He hated being this guy that couldn’t get over his own feelings in order to be happy for his friend. That just wasn’t him … or maybe it was. He wasn’t sure what type of guy he was anymore, feeling himself become grumpier and more reclusive every day. Ever since it had dawned on him that he was actually in love with Camille, the girl who was supposed to be one of his best friends, every moment was uncharted territory.

He sighed, running his hands over his face and massaging his temples until he heard the bartender calling for his order. “Oh sorry, um … Bacardi and Coke. No, wait …. just make it a Bacardi. On the rocks. A double please.” The bartender gave him a quick nod before skirting away to pour his order.

“That sounds like a drink for a rough night.” The words trilled through the air, the sophisticated deep voice causing Damien to look up. His eyes lifted to the stranger sitting beside him, a polished man in his mid-forties wearing thin wire-frame glasses and a tweed blazer. There was a rough layer of grey-ish scruff along his cheeks matching the thick head of salt-and-pepper hair, and the fine lines surrounding his eyes gave him an air of wisdom.

Damien fumbled for a moment, confused at the unsolicited interaction from the distinguished older man. “Uh, yeah … why would you say that?” His eyes remained locked on the stranger, even as the bartender placed his drink before him.

The gentleman waved to the bartender, mumbling a quick “thank you” under his breath before turning on his barstool to face his neighbor. “Well your normal drink is a rum and coke, is it not? So straight rum … you must be trying to forget something.” The man tilted his head, his steely gray eyes flitting to the booth Damien had just departed. “Or someone, perhaps …”

Damien’s head turned back to the table, his gaze settled on Camille’s wide smile as she beamed up into Luke’s eyes. Luke’s hand lifted to graze her cheek, his fingers knitting into her blonde waves as he leaned in … Damien turned abruptly on his stool, lifting the glass of rum and taking a long swig. As he pulled the glass away from his lips the image of Cami leaning in towards Luke flashed in his mind’s eye again, and he swiftly returned it to his mouth for another drink. When he finally set it down, his words came out flat. “She’s just a friend.” He knew the lie was unbelievable even before it left his mouth.

The man chuckled, lifting his own drink to swirl it before taking it in his mouth for a long draw. “Right …” He set his drink down on the bar, motioning to the bartender to close out his tab before twirling the glass against the woodgrain with his fingers. Damien watched out of the corner of his eye, the gleam of the lights shining through the glass in rhythmic patterns as it twirled and twirled under the man’s light touch. “Might I give you some advice?” The man asked, shifting in his chair to face Damien.

Damien shrugged, a half-hearted gesture to match his half-hearted mood. “Sure why not.” He felt the man’s hand brace his shoulder, the warmth of his palm permeating the fabric of his shirt to his skin beneath. Such a small gesture, yet Damien was immediately aware of his touch. His raised his eyes instinctively, studying the other man closely as he met the coolness of his stare. A jolt of electricity flickered inside of him when he stared into those eyes, a glimpse of something dark and mischievous staring back from behind the glare of his lenses.

The older man gave his shoulder a light squeeze, his lips quirking at the edge in a coy smirk. “In life and in love, never miss your chance. You usually don’t get a second one.” Damien sat dumbfounded, the man’s words swirling in his head while he found himself lost in his welcoming stare. For a moment they just sat in silence, two strangers sharing a moment just for the two of them … until Damien felt his touch slipping away. With a quick pat on the back the man pulled away, clearing his throat as he stood upright and depositing a few bills on the bartop to cover his tab. “Good luck, Kid.” He gave Damien a sly wink before departing.

Damien’s head turned to watch him walk away, admiring the attractive man’s leisurely gait as he exited the bar. What in the … ? He suddenly felt his heart pounding in his chest, his cheeks still warm from the intensity of his stare. My chance … did he mean … ? In one swift movement, Damien gripped the glass of rum in his hand, pouring its contents down his throat in one burning swallow. His eyes locked on the door, he slipped his hand into his back pocket to … to find an empty pocket. Stunned, he blinked for a few seconds, staring at his empty palm. Where the fuck is my wallet???

~~~

Niles Edison

Niles Edison stepped out into the chilly New York night, tightening the scarf around his neck and tucking it beneath the lapels of his tweed coat before setting off down the sidewalk. Despite the late hour his pathway was bright, lit by the wide beams from the lightpoles lining the street and the neon signs of the various bars, restaurants and shops along his way. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, savoring the cool air as it slid through his nose and down his throat to ultimately fill his lungs. He loved New York … the constant bustle, the variety of people, the sights and the sounds. The city that never sleeps always made him feel alive. And tonight was no exception.

Niles hadn’t set out tonight with the intent of pulling a job … he had merely wanted a quick nightcap before returning to his empty hotel room. An Old Fashioned in a crowded bar while he observed the patrons conducting their lives around him usually helped him put things in perspective before he turned in. Yet tonight … he couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but something had changed while he sat in that crowded bar.

Running a thumb over the smooth leather of the wallet in his pocket, he felt a pang of guilt wash through him as he recalled the bewildered look in that young man’s dark eyes. Niles wasn’t even sure why he spoke to him in the first place, but something about the sulking younger bloke had intrigued him. He was a good-looking fellow … kind eyes, strong jaw … that blonde-haired girl was an idiot for not seeing what was right in front of her. Those broad shoulders and defined back muscles indicated he might be in some type of service work …. maybe a cop? How ironic would that be, robbing a cop?

Perhaps Niles had just sensed the sorrow radiating from him when he sat down beside him, a feeling that resonated within himself and he just couldn’t help but engage. He had only intended to make him smile, to provide some wisdom from his many years of experience to this younger man. Yet, when he gazed into those chocolate eyes, when he slid a hand to cup his shoulder … something had clicked inside of him. A strange, unsolicited, mind-numbing click that echoed from his head down to his toes. Suddenly he felt exposed and vulnerable, his body reacting to this man’s deep gaze in a way that left him puzzled. So Niles Edison did the one thing he did best … he played him. And he had the wallet to prove it.

He was approaching the end of the block when he heard the shout from behind him, followed by the pounding of footsteps on the pavement. “Hey! Stop right there!” He glanced over his shoulder to find the young man from the bar bounding towards him, causing him to freeze in place. Should he run? Niles Edison was not one that was used to getting caught mid-theft, and he definitely was not in any shape to outrun this guy. He found himself mesmerized as he watched the man grow closer and closer, the way his thick arms swung back and forth as he glided gracefully across the pavement. Only a few feet away now, Niles could see the steam of warm air escaping his lips as he slowed down to stop directly in front of him.

In an instant the man gripped him by the lapels, shoving Niles backwards against a brick wall. “My wallet!” The young man growled as he put his face only inches in front of Niles’s. “Where’s my wallet?”

Niles released a sharp exhale as he made impact against the rough wall, stunning him for a moment. When his mind came back into focus he found himself peering into the man’s sneering face. Up close he could see the tiny flecks of amber dotting his irises, accentuated by the anger dancing in his eyes. Shit, this was not what he had intended at all. “I’m sorry, Kid. It was meant to be a joke.” Niles released a weak laugh, only to be cut off by another strong shove against the wall behind him. “Oof!”

“You really think I’m going to fall for that, Old Man? What kind of a joke involves stealing a stranger’s wallet?” The man’s voice still came out in a low tone, but Niles could see his eyes softening a bit at the corner with an inexplicable emotion. Emotion … he could use that.

“Of course … you looked pretty out of sorts back there. I thought it might be better to get you out of there.” The lie rolled off his tongue smoothly, as signified by the two hands gripping his jacket slowly loosening their grasp.

The man looked pensive, leaning back to study Niles as he contemplated his mediocre excuse. A shadow cast across his face from the light pole to their left, a black line drawing its way across his tan skin and plump lips. Niles felt himself acutely aware of their close proximity at that moment, his body suddenly craving the young man’s rough touch again. “You … wanted me to come out here?”

“I did.” The words left Niles’s mouth softly yet without hesitation. He had wanted this stranger to follow him out here, he had wanted it without even knowing it. He felt drawn to this man somehow, as if seeking an answer to a question he didn’t know yet.

Slowly the young man’s lips curled into a smug smile, his eyes sparkling as his face inched closer. “Why didn’t you just ask?” He chuckled under his breath before sliding his hands up Niles’s neck to grip his face between his palms and capturing his lips with his own.

Niles was unable to respond at first, his mind a blur as it processed the feel of the man’s warm lips moving against his and his fingertips tickling the hair at the nape of his neck. But his body soon betrayed his mind’s hesitation, his arms slipping around the man’s broad frame and pulling him tightly against his chest, his hands roaming the firm planes of his back. A muffled groan escaped his throat when he felt a tongue tease his lips requesting entrance, his mouth opening involuntarily in invitation as he deepened the kiss. They lingered there for what could have been seconds or minutes, entwined together as if nothing else existed outside of the two of them. The young man nipped at his lower lip with a low grunt, running the tip of his tongue across the fresh wound to soothe it. Niles gasped at the sensation, his arousal throbbing against the snug fabric of his pants. His whole body buzzed with desire, much more intense and primal than anything he’d ever felt before in his 44 years.

The realization startled Niles as it flitted into his mind, causing him to halt his wandering lips and hands and pull away abruptly. “I’m sorry, I …” he stammered, placing his palms against the man’s chest to create some distance as he looked away shamefully. “I think you’ve got the wrong impression, Kid.” But the thrill of the kiss still reverberated in his veins, no matter how hard he tried to deny it.

The young man shifted away, the cold air in the space between them hitting Niles like a slap in the face as he fought the instinct to reach out and pull him close again. “I guess I did … “ the man muttered, his tone polite yet unconvincing.

Without looking up Niles fished the leather-bound wallet from his jacket pocket, thrusting it in the other man’s direction. “I apologize for the joke. It was in poor taste. Please forgive me.” He shifted to move on in his original direction, desperate to escape this horribly awkward situation before it could get any worse. Before he could take a step he felt the gentle embrace of a hand grasping his wrist. He paused for a moment, then turned to find the handsome young man patiently watching him.

“You know, someone once told me to never miss my chance.” His eyes twinkled in the dim light, his mouth curled in a small, understanding smile. “Maybe this is your chance to figure some things out?” Patting his recently-retrieved wallet against him palm, the stranger studied Niles for a reaction to his insinuation. And when he got nothing, he turned to leave with a sigh. “Good luck, Old Man.”

Frozen in place, Niles couldn’t tear his eyes away from the man as he walked away. The hormone-induced rush had subsided and his heart rate had slowed, leaving him feeling … Empty. Alone. Confused.

Niles watched as the young man approached the door to enter the bar, extending a hand to grasp the handle and open the door. At the last second before he slipped inside, he turned back to Niles and flashed him a warm grin, causing Niles’s breath to catch and the excitement to rush through his veins again. And then he was gone.

Standing on that sidewalk in the middle of New York City on that chilly night, with his heart pounding and limbs tingling with adrenaline, Niles Edison finally recognized his truth. And like it or not, this might be his chance to finally figure things out.

~~~

Damien

Making his way back towards the bar, Damien somehow felt surprisingly calm after his little adventure. He flipped through his wallet quickly and, noticing nothing was missing or astray, shoved it back in his pocket. He knew most people would be furious after being manipulated and robbed, but the confused and vulnerable look in the older man’s grey eyes had assured him that his act was not meant be malicious. And that kiss … that kiss had definitely proved there was much more behind the simple theft than the man had even realized at the time.

Maybe sometimes people just need time to realize the things they’ve buried deep within their souls. Take this gentleman for example … he was on the downward slope to fifty and it appeared he was just now understanding that he might be attracted to men. Damien smirked a little, remembering the pressure of the man’s bulge against his thigh … that should definitely be a wake up call. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t just a little bit proud to have that kind of effect on a supposed straight man.

Even in his own situation, it had taken Damien years of friendship to finally realize that he was in love with Camille. Maybe she just needed more time to figure it out too, or maybe she never would. Regardless, Damien understood it was unfair of him to want to hold her back. And there were plenty of other fish in the sea to amuse him in the meantime.

As he approached the door and reached for the handle, Damien threw one last glance over his shoulder to the older man. He was still standing in the same spot, his expression awash with bemusement, staring blankly in his direction. Damien flashed him a soft smile, a sign of forgiveness and understanding, before opening the door and slipping inside.

Plenty of other fish in the sea … just not that guy.

END

~~~~~~~~~~

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[rabbirose]

Vayechi - Transcript of Podcast

Shalom and welcome to Shikul Da’at.  I’m Josh Rose.  This week we close out the book of genesis with Parashat Vayechi.  I want to quickly look back at some of the themes of the book of Genesisi to shed light on our Torah portion.  

Where does Genesis begin?  Of course, at the beginning: Bereishit bara elokim et ha-shamayim v’et ha’aretz.  There is only God, the creative force, and no other.  God’s presence shapes the chaos, creating beauty, order, the proliferation of life.  A harmony among all the parts of the created world.

God completes creation - and blesses it. 

and almost immediately the world goes wrong.  It is human beings who undo the harmony and order created by God. Adam and Eve - the eternal pair -  break they bond with God through deception. They are to suffer the pain of labor - in both senses of that word - and expulsion from Eden. 

What follows is a legacy of the undoing of God’s work. Their son Kayin murders his brother Hevel. Over generations the world is consumed by violence.  Then the flood. In the Noah story many hints in the text, which we can’t go into here, indicate that creation itself is being undone. 

By the time the end of the Noah story passes in chapter 9, with its mysteriosly shameful episode of drunkenness and a hint of sexual violation, we begin to see that family is a central focus of Bereishit. The family is the central narrative and moral unit in the book.  in each generation, though, we see family trauma and pain.  

But now the story changes fundamentally because we meet Avram.  This extraordinary historical figure is able to hear amidst the noise of ordinary life the voice of God, to discern a spiritual-moral order within the world.  What makes Avram worthy of his new name, Avraham, however, is that he also understands his place and the place of his spiritual descendents in realizing that spiritual-moral order, in manifesting the Divine dream of harmony and peace.  God has a true partner in creation, and establishes with Avaraham an ongoing relationship but more important, a brit, a covenant that binds God to Abraham’s descendents and binds them to God. Those descendents - you and me, and all who will eventually join that covenant, are to be blessed by God and are to make themselves a source of blessing to all the people of the world.  

And then real life intrudes on this beautiful vision.  Abraham’s son and grandson, Isaac and Jacob do indeed carry on this relationship with God. But the familial theme rises up continuously to disrupt their lives.  Again and again families are torn asunder by pain and division.  Isaac is tricked by his son Jacob, leading his other son Esau to want to kill Jacob.  Jacob is then deceived by his uncle Lavan into marrying the wrong woman, and is mistreated by him for years. Along the way interlopers and foreign leaders add to the complications.  By the time we are introduced to Abraham’s great grandchildren - Joseph and his brothers - the spectre of fratricide appears for the third time in Genesis.  

The progenitors of the Israelite tribes throw their brother Joseph in a pit intending to kill him. This initial familial murderous betrayal casts the family into exile. Finally in our portion, Vayechi, Jacob, all of his sons and their families and Joseph are together in Egypt.  

This book that began with God’s perfect cosmic harmony,  sustained on earth by those who are to build in the land of Israel a commnity of peace and blessing concludes with a deeply divided family living in exile.  

Descriptively, Vayechi is our story.  We live in a fractured world, wounded by our own family stories, or suffering the divisions of the broader human community.  We live in exile, far from a perfected world and far from our spiritual home. 

God begins creating with light.  The Torah indicates God’s own assessment of the work God saw.  God saw that it was good.  Rashi’s opening comment on our Torah portion talks about blindness.  Ours is a parashah satumah - a closed portion, which means simply that it does not begin with a line break, but rather right in the middle of the paragraph where the previous torah portion ended.  Rashi, citing a midrash says

י יעקב ויחי יעקב. לָמָּה פָּרָשָׁה זוֹ סְתוּמָה? לְפִי שֶׁכֵּיוָן שֶׁנִּפְטַר יַעֲקֹב אָבִינוּ נִסְתְּמוּ עֵינֵיהֶם וְלִבָּם שֶׁל יִשְׂרָאֵל מִצָּרַת הַשִּׁעְבּוּד, שֶׁהִתְחִילוּ לְשַׁעְבְּדָם; (דָּבָר אַחֵר: שֶׁבִּקֵּשׁ לְגַלּוֹת אֶת הַקֵּץ לְבָנָיו, וְנִסְתַּם מִמֶּנּוּ. בִּבְ"רַ:)

Why is this (Sidra) closed? Because when jaocb died the eyes and the hearts of Israel were closed because of the suffering of slavery which they then began to impose upon them. 

And that’s not the only evidence of lack of light or absence of seeing. Jacob’s eyes, the Torah tell us are dim with age, a blindness that is accompanied by his own spiritual blindness.  When Jacob gathers his sons toward the end of his life, he says 

וַיִּקְרָ֥א יַעֲקֹ֖ב אֶל־בָּנָ֑יו וַיֹּ֗אמֶר הֵאָֽסְפוּ֙ וְאַגִּ֣ידָה לָכֶ֔ם אֵ֛ת אֲשֶׁר־יִקְרָ֥א אֶתְכֶ֖ם בְּאַחֲרִ֥ית הַיָּמִֽים׃

And Jacob called his sons and said, “Come together that I may tell you what is to befall you in days to come, or literally - at the end of days.

  But he doesn’t reveal what will befall them , leading the commentators to tell us that Divine vision had been removed from him.   Rashi, offering an alternative explanation for why the parashah is closed, says

  שֶׁבִּקֵּשׁ לְגַלּוֹת אֶת הַקֵּץ לְבָנָיו, וְנִסְתַּם מִמֶּנּוּ. בִּבְ"רַ: 

he wanted to reveal the ultimate end to his sons, but it was closed from him.  

 Between Berishit, beginning, and acharit ha-yamim, the final end, we behold only chaos and disappointment.

Over the course of this parashah, Jacob dies and the book closes with the passing of his favorite son, Joseph.  This book that started with the proliferation of life ends with death.  And we know that this hints only at more death to come.  In Exodus, when the Israelite babies are drowned in the River Nile, we know we have come as far as we can from Gan Eden, watered by the four Supernal Rivers that our Kabbalistic tradition tells us flowed with spiritual sustenance.

And yet.  Beneath the surface we begin to detect echoes of that initial Divine harmony, forces moving in the opposite direction, back to order and beauty.

Jacob gathers his sons together to bless them

וַיִּקְרָ֥א יַעֲקֹ֖ב אֶל־בָּנָ֑יו וַיֹּ֗אמֶר הֵאָֽסְפוּ֙ וְאַגִּ֣ידָה לָכֶ֔ם אֵ֛ת אֲשֶׁר־יִקְרָ֥א אֶתְכֶ֖ם בְּאַחֲרִ֥ית הַיָּמִֽים׃

And Jacob called his sons and said, “hey-as-fu Come together that I may tell you what is to befall you in days to come.

הִקָּבְצ֥וּ וְשִׁמְע֖וּ בְּנֵ֣י יַעֲקֹ֑ב וְשִׁמְע֖וּ אֶל־יִשְׂרָאֵ֥ל אֲבִיכֶֽם׃

he-kab-tzu Assemble and hearken, O sons of Jacob; Hearken to Israel your father:

Can we hear in this coming together, this assembly of  sons who in their travails have been physically and emotionally divided, an intimation of a fitting cosmic healing.  God creates a world by dilineating and separating - the verb l’havdil appears repeatefly in the creation story.   Perhaps in this drawing of his sons together in blessing, Jacob is mirroring the primal divine harmony.  Delineation, separation is the primary creative act.  This primary Divine act we reflect back through a life of mitzvah, which is so often based on the recognition of distinctions: holy from profane, kosher from not kosher.  

And Jaocb’s spiritual act resonates on the earthly plane. Upon the death of Jacob, Joseph’s brothers know he might harbor resentment that he could now unleash. They come to him and plead. He weeps and embraces them, assuring them of his love.     This book so defined by familial division and estrangement ends with what appears to be a true and beautiful healing. 

Let’s look closely at the father’s beautiful blessing which occupies such a prominent place in the Torah portion.  In fact Jacob’s blessing of his grandchildren and children is the focus of the first five aliyot of Vayechi.  After the blessing the Torah says

כָּל־אֵ֛לֶּה שִׁבְטֵ֥י יִשְׂרָאֵ֖ל שְׁנֵ֣ים עָשָׂ֑ר וְ֠זֹאת אֲשֶׁר־דִּבֶּ֨ר לָהֶ֤ם אֲבִיהֶם֙ וַיְבָ֣רֶךְ אוֹתָ֔ם אִ֛ישׁ אֲשֶׁ֥ר כְּבִרְכָת֖וֹ בֵּרַ֥ךְ אֹתָֽם׃

All these were the tribes of Israel, twelve in number, and this is what their father said to them as he bade them farewell, addressing to each a parting word appropriate to him.

Jacob then instructs them take him up to bury him in the land of Israel, teaching us and his sons, that the covenant with God is still in place. This dream of a healed world inspired by commitment to God wil not die with the last patriarch. And then:

וַיְכַ֤ל יַעֲקֹב֙ לְצַוֺּ֣ת אֶת־בָּנָ֔יו וַיֶּאֱסֹ֥ף רַגְלָ֖יו אֶל־הַמִּטָּ֑ה וַיִּגְוַ֖ע וַיֵּאָ֥סֶף אֶל־עַמָּֽיו׃

Jacob completed instructing his sons, drew his feet into the bed and expired, and was gathered to his people.

This beautiful and euphemistic description of his death contains words that we might suggest resonate with the creation story.  When Jacob insructs his sons, לְצַוֺּ֣ת , we hear this special verb from which mitzvah comes.  Genesis is bookended also, then, by this word, which appears for the first time here: 

וַיְצַו֙ יְהוָ֣ה אֱלֹהִ֔ים עַל־הָֽאָדָ֖ם לֵאמֹ֑ר מִכֹּ֥ל עֵֽץ־הַגָּ֖ן אָכֹ֥ל תֹּאכֵֽל׃

And the LORD God commanded the man, saying, “Of every tree of the garden you are free to eat; but as for the tree of knowledge of good and bad, you must not eat of it; for as soon as you eat of it, you shall die.”

With this word, so central to the human-divine relationship, we are taken back at hte moment of Jaocb’s death to the first mention of death.  Does genesis close with the reminder - or the promise - that even in death we should be reminded of the eternality of the Divine promise?

The final sentence about Jacob’s final acts, begins with the word vay’chal.   The word means to complete and indicates the fulfillment of a project - it speaks to the beauty and fullness of Jacob’s life.  Where do we first encounter the word?  It appears twice in consecutive verses at the end of the creation story.

וַיְכֻלּ֛וּ הַשָּׁמַ֥יִם וְהָאָ֖רֶץ וְכָל־צְבָאָֽם׃

The heaven and the earth were finished, and all their array.

וַיְכַ֤ל אֱלֹהִים֙ בַּיּ֣וֹם הַשְּׁבִיעִ֔י מְלַאכְתּ֖וֹ אֲשֶׁ֣ר עָשָׂ֑ה וַיִּשְׁבֹּת֙ בַּיּ֣וֹם הַשְּׁבִיעִ֔י מִכָּל־מְלַאכְתּ֖וֹ אֲשֶׁ֥ר עָשָֽׂה׃

On the seventh day God finished the work that He had been doing, and He ceased on the seventh day from all the work that He had done.

And these words which we chant each Friday night before Kiddush conclude this way: 

vayavareich elokim et yom ha-shvi-i.  

God completes, vayachal, creation and seals it with a blesing. 

Jacob blesses his children and then, vaychal, his life is complete.  

With these tentative observations I don’t want to draw sweeping conclusions about the literary intent of the holy book of Bereishit.  But we should focus on the ways in which hurt and hope, pain and possibility and of course exile and redemption and woven together as Bereishit draws to a close.  Vayechi is too complex and magnificent for us to try to label is as a happy or sad ending to Genesis.  In the twists of this story we are to see all of the dangers and difficulties that await the Jewish people in exile, as well as the heavenly hope that instills in us the knowledge that redemption is possible.  Jacob’s life and his death reverberate with the the promise that in our very lives resonates the vision of God’s promise of a world of beauty and blessing. 

Have a great week and thank you so much for listening

[idothisforfunx]

-BREAKS THROUGH WINDOW BLEEDING- WHAT IF NILES IS WEAK AGAINST KISSES UPON HIS EYEPATCH AND BECOMES A SOFT MESS AFTER

I fucking love you I hope you know and understand this EDIT: Wait are you Alfred F. Jones of the United States of America-

NOTE: Please read Niles’ skinship lines here! (THANK YOU TERRA FOR FINDING THEM HOLY FUCK) The first few are kinda fucky, but the last ones are so sweet. And this fic/drabble draws from those lines, so…. (I literally teared up just rereading them now)

———-

It was a calm night. The stars shone in the deep blue sky, drowned out only by the bright light of the crescent moon. A small breeze blew by the castle, sweeping in through your open bedroom window.

Your bed was empty; the sheets untouched and cold. Instead, you sat in the chair at your desk, writing a letter to hero you had sent home earlier that day.

It was quiet tonight. So you acknowledged the sound of a pair of footsteps getting closer and closer to your closed door.

The sound stopped right outside your door, and you looked over expectantly. Putting down your pen, you moved to get out of the chair when you heard an almost inaudible voice come from the other side.

“(Y/N)?”

You perked up at the sound of your name, wrapping your robe tighter around your body as you moved from your chair and over to the door.

“Yeah?”

“…..May I come in?”

You reached forward and twisted the doorknob, opening the wooden barricade to reveal a familiar shadow standing in the hallway. He quickly moved into your room, and you felt a pair of arms wrap around your waist and a head bury itself into your neck.

“Niles?” You said quietly, placing your arms around his back and rubbing it gently. This was certainly out of character for him.

“I… must apologize for my s-sudden appearance. I-”

“-woah hey, Niles, it’s alright.”

You pulled away from him so you could see his face in the dim moonlight pouring in from your open window. And you were greeted by a pale face; his eye slightly puffy and red. You could hear something in his voice, and you were frankly very concerned. The fearless Niles was crying?

You reached behind him as best as you could, pushing the door shut behind him as you lead him further into your bedroom. Concern washed over you as your hand came up to wipe away the tear from his face.

“What happened? What’s wrong?” 

The fearless Niles held himself together quite well, not even sniffling as he looked at you. But his eye was frantic, searching your face for something as you saw more tears well up in his ocean blue orb.

He didn’t respond to you. It seemed like he was trying to hard to hold himself together. He was cold, and drenched in sweat; his hair matted to his forehead.

You thought about what might be wrong, and you pieced together the answer.

“…..Niles, did you have a nightmare?”

You felt something on your hand, and quickly realized it was his own wrapping around yours. And in that moment, your heart shattered.

“Why don’t you stay with me tonight? I was just heading to bed. It’s big enough for the both of us.”

Keeping his hand in yours, you pulled him over to the bed and let him sit down. You parted from him briefly, walking over to the other side and climbing in. You sat down, and immediately turned to him with your arms spread open. He didn’t move, for a moment. But eventually, with a shaky breath, he moved over to you and into your arms. You looked at him and smiled softly.

“I don’t know what you saw that scared you, and I will never truly understand your experiences or nightmares, but.. I can be here for you when memories come back.”

You raised your hand to move his matted hair off his forehead; moving the long locks away from his eye so you could fully see his face. He seemed to be calming down a bit now.

You felt his fingers curl around yours, and you held on tightly.

“All of what you have seen is in the past now, love. You’re strong; and you have friends all around you. Nobody is going to hurt you again; I swear it.”

His voice was corse and raspy. Quiet.

“Thank you..”

You pulled him closer to you, planting a kiss on the soft fabric of his eyepatch. He seemed to melt at your touch, relaxing into your body.

It was strange, not hearing any of his usual sass or sexual remarks. Whatever nightmare he had; whatever he saw in his dream… must have scared him nearly to death.

“I love you Niles.”

Your thumb moved along his cheek, moving over the patch softly. Carefully, you moved the tip of your thumb under the fabric, tugging on it slightly as you pulled it up and over his head, revealing the moist area underneath.

He didn’t react negatively. In fact, he barely reacted at all. He let you continue without protest, closing his other eye as you tugged the patch off.

A tear fell from the corner of the missing eye, swiftly rolling down his cheek and dipping onto the blankets below.

His good eye opened, revealing his beautiful blue orb. You let his eyepatch fall, landing on the pillow with a soft plop. Your hand came back up, placing your palm on his cheek once again. You ran your thumb over his eyelid as gently as you possibly could. He nuzzled into your hand, enjoying the soft and caring touch.

“You must be tired. Let’s get some sleep. We don’t have to wake up for anything tomorrow morning, so don’t worry.” You smiled softly at him again, and he opened his eye to look at you. It was filled with pain.

“I watched you die. And I was alone all over again. I was back in those wretched streets…. I… It was my fault… I… I couldn’t handle it….!”

Gods, you nearly felt a tear run down your own cheek. The man was broken, tears running down his face as he came to you and told you he watched you die.

“Oh, Niles…” You said quietly, your hand coming away from his face to bring him back in an embrace. But before you could even get close, his other hand darted up to grab yours, pulling you into him as he smashed his mouth against yours.

His lips tasted salty from the tears, but you didn’t mind. The two of you danced slowly; a moonlit embrace.

The both of you eventually reluctantly pulled away. But it was… breathtaking. You looked at him, searching his face to see if he was still in distress. Thankfully, he seemed…. alright now. You brought his hand up to your lips, and you kissed his knuckles, your thumb rubbing circles into the back of his hand.

“Cmon, let’s sleep.”

“…Alright….”

You pulled the blankets up, letting the both of you get more comfortable. You made sure he laid down, comfortable on the pillows. You shifted so you sat up beside him, and giving a small, cheeky smile, you leaned down and placed another quick kiss on his eyelid; soft and loving.

You moved to lay down beside him, lying on your back at first before you rolled over onto your side to face him. He let out another shaky breath, turning to face you as well. You gave him a reassuring smile.

“It’ll be alright, ok? Here…” You took his hand in yours one more time, holding it infront of the both of you.

“I’ll be right here when you wake up. I promise. And if you have another nightmare, just remember I’m here, alright?”

“…Ok…” He said, the corners of his lips turning upright slightly. This made your smile grow.

“Alright, sleep well, my love.”

“Goodnight…”

It was silent for a few moments, the both of you shutting your eyes and attempting to find that comfortable place of unconscious.

Another few minutes passed, and your breathing seemed to slow. Niles’ eye stayed on your sleep face; so many thoughts racing through his mind. How did someone as wonderful as you end up liking him? What did he do to deserve you?

He spoke softly, as not to wake you. He was calm, now. But his heart was still heavy.

“If I were to wake up and see you beside me… I’ll be okay. Please stay by my side… and… never let go of my hand, no matter what happens….”

He closed his heavy eyelid, relaxing fully into the soft bed below.

“I love you, more then anyone ever before… and I will always love you, with all of my being. I promise.”

And with that, he felt into a dreamless sleep by your side.

[butchlilith]

writing meme part 1: synchronicity

this is the first round of some commentary i’m giving on stuff i’ve written! if you’d like to send in parts you’d like me to discuss, i would be indescribably thrilled. check out this post if you’re wondering what’s going on or this post if you’ve somehow escaped my bullying everyone into reading this fic. all of these were suggested by the delightful @ladynoblesong to whom i owe my life

under the cut learn all about...

daphne wearing niles’s clothes

mel’s introduction

lilith’s invitation

daphne wearing niles’s clothes

Daphne tucks in her shirt (your shirt, that is, but this conjures up all sorts of images of domesticity more shameful than sex), and grins back at you. Her lipstick has accidentally adorned the collar, and your mind flickers only briefly to Maris before Daphne’s voice draws you back to her. “There we are,” she says, impossibly pleased. Then, slipping suspenders over her shoulders, she walks to your mirror. Immediately, her wide eyes go bright, and she reaches for your arm, pulling you beside her.

“Don’t we look dapper?” she asks.

You know precisely what you look like, what you’re sure to look like to everyone who sees you together, and some part of her must know too, but dapper is hardly it. All the same, Daphne is electrified every time she catches the two of you reflected in a window.

Though it surely says more about you than her, you realize later that no one’s ever been so proud to be seen with you in your life. If this thing were real, you would have to stop seeing her because of it.

For once, you feel relieved that you could never be together.

Not that it was ever anything more than a fantasy; Maris, after all, is all you have ever known, all you could ever want.

sdfghjkl you really picked a scene here. it’s a charming combination of “wish fulfillment” and “therapy session material,” which… is honestly very reflective of this fic. so… yeah. i guess we’ll just start with the parenthetical, because it’s a solid dozen suitcases worth of unpacking to do. borne from my wanting to say “your shirt” to highlight that it is not her own but realizing that this would suggest her tucking in a shirt that is on another person’s body i was like, “let’s get into this.” because i have never let a single thing go ever in my life. & it ended up being something of an important detail imo, that this is the way niles approaches sex and love? i think it’s relatively similar to canon niles but presumably with different cause. in this case the cause would be, you know, living in a culture that does not provide too many models of what it is to love a woman and be in a healthy relationship with one as a woman yourself? so it’s much easier to say, “i’m happy having this non-relationship of a relationship” or “i’m only interested in sex with this woman” or whatever because what else do you have to go by? and that’s also sort of what i’m going for with the last line in this excerpt. so. we’ll move on, then.

i think even for women who don’t have a particular relationship with gender that can sometimes manifest as butchness etc. there’s still something very powerful in being something other than the woman you’re meant to and in seeing models of other women doing the same. i wanted daphne to have a moment like that. also… it’s hot. also hot: lipstick on button-ups. these last two are just objective facts more than analysis but it was what was going through my head at the time of writing.

but niles’s feelings in response to daphne’s excitement. well. that’s a moment and a half right there. i can’t fully remember my thought process—i think i might have thought of the situation while unable to write it down, so it was already a bit diluted once it got to the page. basically, though, it’s just that realization that she has largely (as a lesbian, as a butch woman) felt ignored at best, and that to be in a relationship with the first person who did recognize her and want to be recognized with her as herself would have… some layers to it that are not entirely… the healthiest. so that’s one of my many excuses for why this iteration of niles and daphne cannot get together for another six or seven years: they both needed to grow as people! because this is from niles’s pov we mostly get niles’s end of that but we see as well daphne kind of dealing with stuff as well even if it’s more obscured by niles’s lust/10000 other emotions.

on a lighter note, a fun fact for you: i hate the word dapper! but i thought daphne would use it in this context so i wrote it and i hated it every step of the way. i’m allowed to say this because as a certified stuffy butch i have an unfortunate degree of intimacy with the word.

mel’s introduction

You take the rest of your queries regarding your lingering financial ties to Maris to their sources.

The first, her surgeon, is fastidious and beautiful, and her airy voice informs you of four things as you call to schedule a third appointment with her. First, that she would not have expected a woman like you to have such an affinity for her line of work. Second, that she has never met a pair of friends that exchanged cosmetic procedures in the tens of thousands for the holidays. Third, that she is gay, too. (She does say, “too,” with her laugh floating through your cell phone smooth and half-threatening.) But, fourth, perhaps frightening you the most, she tells you that she wouldn’t mind if you took her to dinner sometime.

“You know,” you say, with a just-there laugh, “I’ve been meaning to ask you that very question.”

Frasier, of course, is aghast at each word of your account, but you have, by the end of it, obtained symphony tickets and a somewhat backhanded compliment on your uncharacteristic boldness. You take the opportunity to comment on his substandard squash performance, then fly out the door before he can return the blow with his usual ineptitude.

God, if he knew he was responsible for the best night you’ve had in years. The moment Mel leaves your car, you long to spend hours recounting what a wonderful night you had had. The strange thing is that you long to tell Daphne, long to tell her that you know, now, what she had meant when she told you that she loved first dates, that Mel is exactly like you, and impossibly beautiful and—

ooohh boy. the first sentence-and-a-half of this are probably among the last i wrote for this fic. i very seldom write things in the order they appear, so i always end up with the task of pasting these scenes together in a way that doesn’t seem entirely ridiculous. i think this is especially obvious with this and the preceding scene, which i wanted to happen in the opposite order before i remembered that, hm, canon does technically exist and i should maybe follow the barest outline of how that proceeds. but it worked out because i was able to pretend like there was an explanation for niles having a divorce lawyer without ever having been married.

but. that aside. i think we all know by this point that i love first dates. i love asking people on first dates and going on first dates and telling my friends about first dates and all of it. and basically i wanted to show that feeling as well as niles’s relationship with daphne as a friendship for both of them, not just daphne.

so on that first item! i wanted to preserve niles’s cowardice, obviously, but because she doesn’t have quite the same relationship with frasier as canon niles, there wasn’t really anyone to say “you realize this is exactly the reason you’re not with daphne now, right?” so i had mel take some (or… all) of the responsibility there, but i didn’t really feel mel was the sort to frame it as a question and certainly not the sort to let personal details about herself into the world without their recipient knowing that she knows even more of them. i mean, she literally doesn’t even present it as something she wants so much as something she knows niles does dfghjkl. and honestly? it’s hot. sorry but i’m right. if you’ve never been asked out by a woman in the form of a statement i need you to know that it is the hottest experience on earth. anyway. i just really don’t care for love stories that center on jealousy or the singularity of love. i’m not saying every good first date is love, but i wanted to show that there was genuine excitement here that could lead to love. i know mel is maybe not the most lovable character in the frasier universe, but i do feel like she truly cared for niles and niles for her.

with regard to the last line, that way daphne cuts off niles is something i do a couple times as well, which i wish i’d maybe explored a little bit more. it’s mostly leading up to daphne’s cutting her off with the kiss as in canon during that balcony scene, but i think it appears afterward as well. it often shows up when niles is overthinking, and, especially as we progress, it’s when daphne doesn’t want to think about what niles is thinking about. this particular line isn’t quite at the peak of that, but it would be a fair interpretation if you wish to believe she (consciously or not) wished to avoid hearing about niles’s infatuation with mel. you might even be able to make an argument for the other cases of interruption being similarly motivated (though this may prove most difficult with the moon dance instance), but my intention was for it to reach its peak toward the end of the pining stage and into the beginning of their relationship, iirc.

honestly, there’s more i could comment on in this scene, but i don’t know that it would be particularly interesting, and i’ve rambled enough, so i’ll leave it here!

lilith’s invitation

Lilith calls you that evening offering any help you need should you feel any sudden fondness for the state of Massachusetts. “And, Daphne,” she says, though you can scarcely remember when they last spoke, “if you’re looking for a rat breeder, there’s an excellent couple just north of the city. I’d be glad to introduce them to you.”

Somehow, the two of you accept both offers immediately.

this is part two of the payoff for the wish-fulfillment tidbit in the niles/frasier banter we get earlier on that reveals lilith is a huge dyke, the first part being when niles and lilith have sex. i just feel like the amount that lilith truly cares for her family is underutilized in the frasier canon and i think that would be amplified in a familial gay solidarity situation. also i just really want them all to be friends! i’ve already said that this was wish fulfillment and i won’t hide from that truth.

wrt why i wanted them to accept these offers, i a) feel that, even though obviously we as gay people have been getting married long before there was actual legal recognition of the fact, all three of these people (albeit in different ways) do value that system and that recognition imo b) am FOREVER bitter that daphne’s interests are just kind of… tossed aside in canon as being too weird or unrefined, when they’re really cool (or just… normal!) things? and because i think i hopefully provided a little more evidence of niles and daphne making efforts toward understanding over placation, i think niles would be in a place to say, “let’s do it!” even if she is… moderately horrified at first. so yeah. this response did kind of become “why i think i’m better than late-season frasier writers” but… yeah. i was just having fun and writing what i would want to see.

[someobscurereference]

Hello! Sorry for the random drop by but I was wondering, for leo/odin/niles. They are;;; my favorite pairing in existence cause of you lol But, do you have any headcanons for how they might spoil each other? Or cheer each other up? Odin and Niles seem to love umm, teasing and attempting to dote (or maybe it's just another form of teasing lol) on Leo and I love how you write all of thier smaller, quieter actions being full of such consideration to each other at times (pt. 1)

(pt. 2) and it’s made me wonder. Like, what would be something that Niles or Odin (or both) could do that would leave Leo actually feeling really spoiled/happy/what have you and that lead to me asking that question for the other two as well. I could;;; type more and more cause I’ve actually think about this these three all the time lol I hope this isn’t a bother! I just really really love your writing and interpretation of these three and thought I’d ask ^^; I hope you are having a good day!

Hey! I love Leo/Niles/Odin too, so being asked about them is never an issue, lol. So no worries! You’re never a bother! (And thank you so much, also! I’m really glad you like my fics!!) Odin and Niles really do love to dote and tease at the same time, tbh. Of course I’m flashing back to every time they show up and get in Leo’s personal space like “WE MISSED YOU” even though Leo is like “… it’s been an hour… your faces are too close. Please.” And then also the beach DLC where they fight for Leo to get relaxing beach time and outright ignoring the fact Leo Does Not Want To Go. (And also both of them saying ridiculous stuff the whole time, so while they really mean the sentiment, I think they’re partly goofing as well, lol) 

As for cheering/spoiling headcanons…

I think Leo really does enjoy when Niles and Odin get super close and basically hug either side of him at once, lol. I don’t think it’s entirely a joke when Leo tells them to get off (since usually they do it at very inconvenient times and Leo probably does enjoy his personal space) but I think it’s also part of their dynamic as well. Like when you have an ongoing recurring joke with your friends. As much as he fusses, I think Leo would actually be wondering why Niles and Odin didn’t get all up in his personal bubble if they didn’t do it for a while. Or if they were away for a long time and couldn’t. And after a bad day, they might do it to help cheer him up or comfort him for a minute since their hugging him usually involves a lot of “We missed you!! You’re the best!!” in canon. Leo might still fake fuss, but it could definitely help. Getting hugged and told you’re the literal best person ever usually does, haha

In relation to this, if smothering Leo doesn’t cheer him up and they can’t fix whatever is bothering him, Niles and Odin strike me as the type to just, like? Be goofy with each other? Not that they’re comedians, but they do have a dynamic that, after Niles grew to trust Odin, can be rather fun. For example, during the beach brawl:

Odin: “Defeat? Allow me to pluck that word out of the air before it spoils the mood.”

Niles: “And allow me to lay it gently back upon your tongue, O prince.”

They like to play off each other! And there are a bunch more examples I could use. But they’re funny! So I think they could also get into a back and forth conversation in the way that they do that Leo would enjoy if he were listening in, even if he were outwardly telling them to be serious. Because it’s something familiar and lighthearted and it can be nice to listen to two people you care about have a fun conversation even when you’re feeling down and out. (And on the flip side I think this might count as cheering up Odin or Niles too, if they were having a bad day and got drawn into this familiar dynamic.)

In terms of spoiling… I think Niles and Odin try to go above and beyond when it comes to retainer stuff already? And Leo does really admire that. But in the romantic sense, I think they’re the same way. Like, “Oh, our anniversary is coming up? I’ll find him the most delectable chocolates in all of Nohr! The finest everything!” And Niles has cleared Leo’s whole schedule so he’s free for the whole day as well, while meanwhile Leo is like “… I like being busy and I don’t like these foods. But thank you.” 

Which isn’t to say it’s always stuff Leo doesn’t enjoy, because I think he does like it in a certain way. And often times it’s stuff he protests and ends up enjoying a ton!! (Like the Beach DLC!) But I think it’s basically Niles and Odin always trying to go that extra 110% in everything. To the point where Leo might say it’s too much, lol. But he really recognizes effort and often really enjoys himself too. They probably do things very right a lot of the time (probably most of the time) and seeing them go through so much work in an effort purely to make him happy even when it’s not strictly necessary probably warms his heart a bit.

Niles:

For Niles being really happy… Niles kind of seems to divide his life into pre and post-Leo world and while there is a lot to say about his and Leo’s support, Niles also says he’s not worthy of “such high praise” by Leo calling himself “lucky to have such a loyal and trustworthy retainer [such as Niles].” So I think anything where Leo emphasized how glad he was to have Niles around and the change their lives had taken as well would probably be pretty good, even if there was a brief “No, it’s the other way around” protest from Niles at first. 

So basically an emphasis from Leo to say he feels similarly to Niles or to validate Niles’s feelings, even if Leo doesn’t entirely agree with the way Niles always frames things, might make him feel pretty good. If it were a big moment or just a casual conversation between them, I think Niles would enjoy that either way.

In terms of Odin in the mix here, there may be another divide in Niles’s life between the time Niles was Leo’s only retainer and when it was Niles&Odin both as Leo’s retainer too? So something that causes Niles to recognize that he likes Odin being around now even if he disliked Odin at first might be a somewhat fun thing too. A here/there contrast, you could say.

Maybe on a particularly bad day or even a normal day where Odin just wants to mix things up or surprise Niles, I can see Odin dropping like one (1) little fact about his past into the conversation and enticing Niles to unravel the impossible mystery of his past a bit more. Just something small. Like the fact his mother also had blonde hair or that he grew up around a castle until he didn’t anymore. Little things that aren’t actually any proof of anything or can be really connected anywhere (or be proven not to be connected anywhere) but might make Niles interested anyway. Just something little that might make Niles perk up with interest.

(This is ignoring the fact that Odin and Niles might even get tense about Odin’s past sometimes? See: Their Support Convo. Like, Leo straight up doesn’t give single fuck about where any of them came from and Niles, though he has his own troubles with memory and his own past, doesn’t like when other people can get away with hiding theirs? Because the mystery might be something dangerous? But, like, in contexts when it’s lighthearted, you know? There can be a back and forth there where it’s fun instead of Tense.)

Plus anytime Niles gets Leo to chill out and indulge himself might count as making Niles happy as well, lol.

For spoiling… That’s a hard one! Hmm. Probably if Leo and Odin made things about him for a while, that’d be good. I don’t think Niles is a super material person? Like, he knows the value of goods and money and especially the absence of them, but I don’t think he has a ton that he wants now that he has Leo (and then later Odin), material-wise. Sure a new bow or cloak or something is nice and he’d probably value it, but I don’t know if that counts as spoiling? I think more along the lines of Leo and Odin telling Niles not to worry about his duties for a while and just sit with them and spend some easy time together without worrying or trying to do work would probably count more. 

Niles doesn’t strike me as being lazy very often since I think even the moments he’s sitting down somewhere, he’s thinking and is in his head a lot. So Leo and Odin spending a bit of time with him and keeping him out of his own head (or letting him be in his head and sharing that headspace/memories with them without feeling uncomfortable) might be a nice time. Just talking, you know? Maybe that sounds simple, but Niles strikes me as the type to like it when people listen when he speaks, especially when it’s about his past. It’s something he’s sharing, you know?

Which might be a weird thing to say since he talks about his past a lot in supports? But that’s usually to explain himself or make a point. So like. Just listening and being there and not apologizing for things none of them had any control over might be nice, outside the usual context of explaining why he likes watching privileged people be miserable and more in the context of just sharing. That might be nice. 

Odin:

This one is weird because it’s a kind of specific scenario I think about a lot? (Like… Idk, my go-to scenario for indulgence stuff, I guess, even though I’ve never written it?) For some reason in my head, I picture Odin as being the type to like “treat” types of food a lot, probably drawing back to Awakening when his whole support with Noire is about eating cake and indulgences they didn’t get because of war rations/Bad Timeline stuff. This definitely covers all dessert type foods but even stuff like a box of strawberries or something probably count too.

I promise you he can eat a whole carton (like you’d buy at the store now, not like a crate, lol) and eat the whole thing for lunch or something. So I like to think maybe Niles buys him some fruit like that from the market from time to time or Leo sets something from the kitchen aside that he knows Odin would really like, and Odin is very happy every time

This might count as spoiling if they did it enough/it was a really good treat, lol. It kind of contrasts by being a physical item as opposed to Niles’s enjoying the company more. Which isn’t to say Odin doesn’t or enjoys that less! It’s just different.

He probably eats off their plates if they don’t finish their food, tbh

In terms of spoiling, probably any time they play along with his theatrics dialogue instead of telling him to cut it out, that feels pretty good. Even though that seems a little obvious, haha. Odin really does enjoy it though! 

And Leo probably finds it really embarrassing (Niles too, but maybe slightly less or he at least hides it better), so for them to really put an effort into playing along would be fun/indulgent for Odin as well as well. Definitely a way to lift the mood if Odin is feeling down and out!

I’ve been dividing these actions into happy/feeling spoiled this whole time, but there’s probably a lot of crossover, tbh? It probably depends on mood and how everyone is feeling at the time and how the day has gone so far/what lead up to some of this extra stuff.

In general spending time together is good too.

A lot of this is rambling, so I’ll stop here for now, lol. I hope you had a good day too! Thanks for asking!