#i might delete this in a bit since it has a sales number in it but whatever

[linseymiller]

my terrible nerds have officially sold over 10k copies and i can't believe it

thank you all for continuing to read and love Lorena's story! this book meant a lot to me for a lot of different reasons, and it makes me so happy that a lot of you loved it too 🖤💀🖤

[kingsuckjin]

Company Policy -JJK

- Pairing: coworker Jungkook x reader

- Genre: established relationship? Sort of

- Rating:18+

- Words: 5k

- Summary: Eight months. Eight months you have regretted breaking off being fuck buddies with your hot coworker. You were so afraid of being caught with him but now that you’ve had time to think, would it really be so bad as long as you could have him all to yourself again? Does he even like you anymore? Has he moved on? All you know is it’s been eight months since you’ve had sex, he’s been all you could think about. Now he’s looking pretty hot at this office party.

- Warnings: pining, explicit content, public sex, they fuck on a coworker’s desk, public sex, unprotected sex, vaginal fingering, heavy dirty talk, brief mention of oral sex and a ton of other past sexual acts like thigh riding and hair pulling, kind of jealous tattooed kook, not voyurism but someone else is there at some point, and finally a dash of fluff.

- A/n: This post is a commission for the ARMY for AAPI Justice and Advocacy Event. Please click >here< to find more resources and consider donating to the cause! Thank you so incredibly much to the donor @lcksndkys​ for donating and commissioning this, you are an absolute angel, I hope you know that. I might’ve gotten a bit carried away and wrote a few thousand more words than planned, but you deserve it. 

“Morning,” 

“Morning.” Was the greeting between you and Jungkook every morning when you stepped into the elevator, coffee in hand.

That was it, that was all you ever said to each other anymore. His smell always floated around the confined space making your mind flashback to what once was before you quickly pushed it away from your brain.

Neither of you ever said anything about it, it was like it had never even happened and sometimes you wonder if it even had or if your brain had made up everything that had happened eight months ago from your frequent dirty thoughts of your coworker. It felt like a lifetime ago. The familiarity of him, his smell, his smile, his voice along with the cold distance, avoidance to even look at you, and the constant wonder of him having someone else made you a little sick at your stomach.

You had decided to break things off… as if either of you were any more than fuck buddies. You knew that if anyone at work had ever found out about the two of you, you’d most likely both be fired. No banging other employees was a pretty strict policy there and you remembered the two nice ladies that were fired last year for it, you remembered it because your boss had made such an example of it.

You had been more than paranoid when you and Jungkook were boning for a whole month, you both had been so secretive even going as far as to have each other park down the street from your houses when the other came over. It didn’t help that you lived with your sister and didn’t want her to know you were sneaking someone in the house and screwing them. It also didn’t help that his roommate worked there too and didn’t get along at times. It didn’t seem like all the effort to sneak around was worth it at the time, but now you felt like you had a mistake.

As you took your seat behind the reception desk and began to put away your things for the morning, you just kept stealing glimpses of him doing the same at his cubicle. Every morning he would put his black messenger bag under his desk, turn on his computer, and roll the sleeves of his white button-up shirt up to reveal one very tattooed arm. His wavy hair was usually put back into a half ponytail for professionalism and probably so he could see, but there were always strands that managed to escape his hair elastic throughout the day. It was painful mentally at times having a view of him but trying not to look, it was painful knowing he wouldn’t look back at you anymore. You could still feel what it was like when he had glanced at you and smiled at you, your heart sped up at just the thought. 

“Ugh why are you always here so early, you leave before I even wake up.” his roommate,Jimin, had walked in, looking great as usual but a bit tired in the face. He was lingering around Jungkook’s desk with his things still in hand.

“I like to be prepared, unlike you.” Jungkook joked back with a smile but you knew it was just more than a joke, Jungkook really didn't care for Jimin, he was a bit too spiteful towards him sometimes.

He had always come in early, you both were typically the first ones here besides the janitor. You had to be, your boss liked you here nice and early to greet everyone as they walked in.

“You coming to the thing tonight? The boss is letting us have booze.” Jimin asked him.

You felt like you really shouldn’t be paying attention to the conversation so you went back to sipping your coffee and getting ready to start the day.

“Hey.”

It nearly scared you to death as you rummaged through your bag under the desk for your chapstick. Your body jolted up to see Jimin leaning one arm on the reception counter.

“What?” you asked in confusion, wondering what he was now doing hanging around you with such a sly smirk.

“Well good morning to you too. Are you going to the party tonight? Boss is having a thing to celebrate meeting our yearly product sales goal.”

“I… haven’t thought about it, why?” you were honest, it didn’t mean anything to you.

“I know we have this policy, but you should think about going with me.” he gave you a wink that made you raise your eyebrows in surprise. “We could come here and have a few drinks and a good time, then we could go back to my place and-”

“How about we don’t? We could just not do that.” you gave him a very fake smile.

Sudden loud coughing erupted through the room making you both look over at the source.

Jungkook was doubled over with his coffee still in his hand.

“You good?” Jimin asked him casually and Jungkook gave a thumbs up to show he was fine, even though his big eyes were slightly teary before holding up his coffee cup to signify he had strangled on his coffee.

“Anyway, if you’re worried about someone saying something about us, you could just come separately and we could just see what happens…”

“I’m not worried because there is no us, Jimin. I’ll come, but let’s not see what happens, and let’s not even speak.” 

“Your loss. At least I’ll have Jungkook there with me.” Jimin responded along with a shrug to your savage words before walking away.

You looked over to Jungkook to make sure he hadn’t died because he was no longer choking, you just wanted to make sure he was still breathing but your eyes were met with his. He was giving you this gaze before he raised his eyebrows at you with a slight momentary smirk, it all only lasted less than a split second before he adjusted his black tie and turned back around to face his desk. 

How could he be so casual with a look like that at you? How could he be so casual with everything that had happened between you? You had no idea what that look was about but it had your brain so frazzled. It could’ve been nothing, but it was the most interaction you’ve had with him in so long, all it had done was remind you how starved for him you were.

You looked down at your desk feeling your face get a little warm.

Images of that very shirt he was wearing right now, being unbuttoned rapidly with those tattooed fingers in some dark, sketchy hotel room ran through your mind. 

“I wish you knew how much I’d go through to be this close to you, to be inside of you.” The memory of his words and hushed voice into your skin gave you goosebumps.

The same man who had said that now sat right over there, not even having tried to flirt with you in the past eight months as you sat here and wondered why you do this to yourself. 

Did he still feel that way or had he just meant it at the moment? There were plenty at the moment things that he had said that would flood into your mind just to hurt you when you saw him.

You glanced at him throughout the day as you often did.

You avoided each other on your lunch break, stepping around each other to get to the vending machines in the break room.

You ate at your desk alone while he ate with Jimin in the break room.

Things were the same as they had been, the look he had given you earlier meant nothing, maybe nothing that had happened in the past meant nothing to him too.

Maybe it was all just fun like you both had planned for it to be, if so, why were you still so stuck on it? Why were you stuck on him? You told yourself it was just because he was attractive, the most gorgeous man in the office, but there were just these little things about him you couldn’t get over. The way he stretched and grunted in the morning, you knew the way he liked his coffee, you knew his parents’ names. You had both shared so much of your lives for an entire month almost constantly until you ripped it away from yourself so stupidly. You had both agreed to delete each other’s numbers, but the truth was, you still kept his name in your phone with little hearts by his name. You needed this to end, you needed to stop being so hung up on him because he wasn’t with you. You decided to go to this thing tonight and at least hope for some answers, if you failed to get any you would do your best to stop thinking about him.

------------------ 

You had talked yourself out of this more than five times already, but you had gotten dressed and ready and made the drive over.

You now sat in the office parking lot just picking lint off of your black dress, not looking forward to how awkward this might be. In your years of working there, you had mostly just kept to yourself… until the thing with Jungkook happened.

“Are you nervous? You look nervous” he gave you a little smile from across the table from the coffee shop. He had asked you to get coffee after work and he could see right through you

“A little.” You had admitted.

“Don’t be shy, it’s just me. It’s just Jungkook, we work together every day.”

“Don’t be nervous.” You found yourself saying out loud to yourself as you gazed out your windshield at the building. “I shouldn’t be. I work with him every day and nothings going to happen anyway.” You hurt yourself a little with the last part. You put a lot more care into how you looked tonight than you wanted to admit.

“It’s just a stupid office party,” you grumbled to yourself before unbuckling your seatbelt and getting out of the car, if it was horrible or boring then you could just go home.

-----

You didn’t know what you had expected, but it wasn’t this. You had followed the signs to the floor that had held a large meeting room, but it didn’t look like a meeting room now.

It was just a room full of people with a snack table and alcohol. The room was dimmed but there were some cheap party effects lighting things happening. People were laughing and talking over some pop music that wasn’t eardrum-bustlingly loud but you still had to strain to hear over. You spotted a lot of coworkers you saw every day, more that you didn’t know from different departments though. You kind of just went and stood by a wall with your eyes searching faces, not stopping too long on any just in case they might think you were staring at them. Before you had left you wondered if you had been too dressed up, but now you were glad for your little black dress as you saw what the others were wearing. Everyone looked so nice and not at all what you were used to them wearing. 

While your eyes were going over who was talking to who, you found him.

In the corner of the room on the opposite end, talking to some girl you had only seen a handful of times. She was touching her hair and smiling at him. He looked so dressed down in his ripped black jeans and a black t-shirt. His tattoos were freed as you had always liked seeing and his hair wasn’t being held back. You had seen him like this multiple times, but had anyone else? He had always looked so good like this, so himself. 

Just seeing his hair down reminded you of all the times you had grabbed at it while moaning his name. Seeing him in those black ripped jeans reminded you of all the times he has made you ride his chiseled, hard thighs until you came multiple times. 

You felt like you had been kicked in the heart as your brain went back to the present moment and saw her placing a hand on his shoulder.

He laughed at something she had said but took a step back out of her grasp smoothly before giving her a small wave. A few more words were exchanged before she apprehensively walked away from him, heaving him alone to stand at the wall on the other side of the room.

Your eyes darted away from him and over to the snack and drink table, you weren’t planning on getting any, but you wanted to make it look that way.

You felt nervous, he looked good and at least one other person had noticed. You told yourself that the lady who had just spoken to him didn’t know him as you did, she probably just saw a hot guy dressed in black with tattoos… just like you had when you both had started whatever happened. He was more than all of that, to you especially now after you had a lot of time to think about it all.

Although you didn’t want your eyes to, they had darted to him for a split second to see he had his phone out… until he looked up from it at you.

He had seen you, he had seen you looking at him from across the room, but he didn’t react. Instead, his eyes went back down to his phone, and yours went back to the table.

Your phone buzzed in your bag and you decided to fish it out thinking it could help you look busy.

“Hey, it’s Jungkook. I see you :)”

Your heart nearly jumped out of your mouth as you read the text. 

He hadn’t deleted your number just like you hadn’t his.

You felt his eyes watching you but you didn’t look up. He was waiting for your reply, but you just stood there dumbfounded that he had just sent you a text from across the room.

“I know.” you had nervously typed different versions of this reply over and over only to erase each time before settling on the most simple reply.

“You look good.” it had taken him no time to reply in comparison to you. You stood there in shock and lost as to what to say to him. You were taking too long because he sent a second text.

“I know that dress. I remember it.”

You had been hoping he would. You had worn this dress on the first night you both had ever done anything. You made out in his car after your coffee date. He had just kept telling you how pretty you looked even with his hand in your underwear. It was hard to resist him from even the first date, you had no idea how you had made it eight months now.

“You look nice too, you always have.” You typed and sent it quickly before you could change your mind.

You watched him run his inked fingers through his hair as he read the text. You could swear you saw a flash of a smile on his face before his thumbs went to work on his phone.

“I miss you.” Popped up on your screen.

Part of you felt like crying a little. You felt his eyes on you once again and you looked up away from your phone to see that your feeling had been correct. You were sure your mouth was open as you locked eyes from across the room. Your phone vibrated again in your hand.

“We should talk.”

“Hey, gorgeous!” Jimin stepped in front of you making you lock your phone. “I know you said let’s not talk but-“

“Then why are you talking to me?”

“How could I not? You’re the prettiest one here.” He smirked but you could smell the alcohol on his breath. You couldn’t help the roll of your eyes.

“Oh hey! I’ve been looking for you!” Jungkook now walked up with a smile at you. “You found her for me and didn’t even know I was looking, thanks, man.” Jungkook seemed to be thanking an equally confused as you Jimin.

“Sorry to bother you about work stuff at a party, but I forgot to earlier. I need the contact info to a client I’ve been working on to sell more products to. It’s wild, it’s like I went to the bathroom one day and the info to this big buyer just kinda… disappeared I guess. So weird, almost like someone has it out for me.” Jungkook gave the fakest joking laugh you had ever seen and Jimin looked a bit wide-eyed. “Anyway, You’re the receptionist so I know you have the contact info for everyone anyway so I was wondering if you could maybe help me out and get it for me? It’s kind of really important and I need it ASAP. Already asked the boss and he said it was cool.” 

Jimin had just kind of slinked off silently, but you knew what Jungkook was doing.

“Yeah, Uh of course.” You nodded.

He tilted his head in the direction of the door before you followed him out.

He led you towards the elevator in absolute silence and even as he pushed the button for the floor you both worked on he said nothing.

You were beginning to think he was wanting your help. And then you thought about it more in the silent ride and you felt so stupid. Of course he was wanting your help, he had never said he actually didn’t, not even when Jimin had walked away.

“I can’t believe that asshole sabotaged me like that. My roommate sabotaged my sale.” He mumbled before scoffing as the elevator door opened.

“I-I’ll help.” You said but he passed right by your desk.

“I’m glad you said that.” He replied as he walked over to Jimin’s cubicle.

“What are we doing?” You finally asked.

“Depends…” he raised an eyebrow as he looked back at you. “What do you want me to do?” 

You swallowed the lump of nervousness in your throat to speak as you looked into his mischievous-looking dark eyes.

“Whatever you want I guess.”

He lifted you in almost an instant and sat you on Jimin’s desk.

“You know he’s always liked you, right? He would tell on us if he ever found out. You were willing to risk it, right here right now?” He dared.

Instead of speaking you grabbed a fist full of his t-shirt and tugged him down until his lips met yours.

God did you want it. You have wanted for eight long months. You were willing to risk everything after so long without his lips on yours.

You were still nervous but his kiss brought it all back for you and how natural it felt.

“Fuck me.” You pleaded against his lips.

“You need it? Tell me you need it.” His lips moved to your neck as he ran a hand through the back of your hair.

“Ah, fuck I need it. I haven’t fucked anyone since you.” It slipped out of your mouth and got a second your body went rigid.

“Me neither.” He nipped at your neck.

The second thing he had done tonight that had stunned you.

“Wait.” You stopped him and he backed up to look at you.

“I missed you too. Not just… not just this, I missed you. I don’t know if you feel the same but-“

“What did you think I meant by I missed you? I didn’t just mean the sex or your body. I meant you as a person.” 

“I-why didn’t you just say?” You wondered out loud. 

He dropped to the floor on his knees between your legs.

“Cause you dumped me.” He let out a snort “you told me to delete your number, which surprise, I didn’t. You wouldn’t look at me. Plus this went two ways you know. You didn’t contact me either.” He stated as he looked up at you while ghosting his fingers over the skin of your thighs as he spoke.

“I dumped you?” You were surprised by this news. You know neither of you had had the relationship talk before.

“I mean, I like to think we were together.”

“Then we should be again,” you decided. You were tired of wanting him and not having him and something told you that he felt the same.

“I think so too,” he whispered, inching his lips closer and closer to yours before smashing into them.

His hands squeezed at the meat of your thighs before trailing them up the sides, up under your skirt, and hooking them in your panties. Your tongues whipped together in each other’s mouths. You managed to move so that he could get your panties down, but he only pulled them to your knees. He grabbed your hips and pulled you closer to the edge of the table, so close you thought you might fall off if he wasn’t right there between your legs. 

His fingers now slowly ran from your inner thighs to your folds. As soon as he touched you, you unlocked your lips from his and let out a shaky breathed whine.

“I can tell you missed me. You're so wet for me,” he whispered so quietly just for you to hear even though no one else was in the room.

You did your best to stay quiet as his fingers teasingly and slowly ran over your clit and back down to your cunt.

He lifted his slick fingers to his mouth and you watched with a slightly open mouth as he let them slide past his lips and then out of his mouth altogether, coming out more glossy from his spit.

“I missed the way you taste”

His even more wet fingers that now teased at your pussy were making you want to grab his hand and force it to do something more. You were practically shaking under even the slightest of his touches. You were nervous for someone to walk in at any given moment and all he was doing was drawing things out and letting his fingers kill precious time playing in your folds.

“I'd love to make you cum right now with my mouth” he pressed a kiss onto your neck where his face had been camping out while his fingers tortured you. “But I know how that makes you scream and we have to be very…” another kiss to your neck “very” his fingers finally slowly slipped into your cunt “very quiet.” his whispers tapered off to quieter and quieter, so much so that your shaking breaths felt loud between the both of you.

You were doing your best not to break out into full-blown moans so that maybe if someone walked in you could play it off as just talking or something else, as long as no one heard your moans on the way up the both of you could have time to look normal. 

His fingers curled inside of you with his palm grinding down onto your clit slowly.

“Oh God.” you breathed not knowing how you were supposed to survive this. He was all you wanted for months upon months and now that you had him here, tattooed hand knuckle deep in your pussy, his lips on your skin saying nothing but filth, you felt like you couldn't even let go as much as you wanted to, but you were trying.

His hand sped up its movements as you could feel how hard he was now in his jeans against the inside of your thigh.

Your lips squeezed together but it couldn’t stop the small whimpers he forced out of you. You could hear him breathing in your ear along with the wet sounds of your pussy. You were close but so scared. Doing this out in the open was such a thrill but it also made you paranoid. 

“Cum for me. I hear the way you’re whining, you’re so close I know it. Just cum for me. Cum around my fingers, no one will know.” 

You couldn’t stop it now.

You grabbed a hold of his shirt and forced his chest harder against yours, you wanted him closer, impossibly close as you came undone, clenching around his fingers rhythmically as each wave of pleasure pulsed through your body. 

He let out a little moan at the sound and feel of you coming. 

“I missed that too.” He whispered to himself before pulling his fingers out of you slowly.

He reached between you and you felt him quickly yet nervously fiddling with his button and zipper with his hand that wasn’t soaked in your wetness.

He made a show about taking his thick, veiny cock out of his pants and rubbing your juices from his hand over it. 

In seconds he was back in your ear.

“Can I fuck your brains out?” The whisper was soft, his voice was sweet but the words themselves were as hard as his dick he still stroked in his hand.

“You're always allowed brains out.” You whispered back “just do it.” 

You felt his head run over your folds teasingly as he continued to play with you and himself.

“Do you still think about me fucking your brains out?” He asked. You could hear how much wetness had spread from you to his cock with each pump of his hand.

“Every time I need to get off.” You admitted. “So give it to me so I don’t have to keep wishing anymore.” 

He pushed into you slowly, letting out a deep sigh and throwing his head back for a moment so you could see his perfectly sculpted throat.

You missed how full he made you feel while he was inside of you. 

He pulled out almost entirely, the head of his cock was the only thing left inside of you, pushing on your g-spot before the thrust back in hard. This was the way he fucked, pulling out almost entirely so his head hit where you needed it. You had experienced guys that just flopped around, but he knew you, he knew your body, he paid attention, he had a very special handcrafted way to get you off over and over until you were shaking.

One of his hands grabbed your hip while the other went to your clit to play with using his thumb.

“You miss this, baby?” You miss my dick between your legs?” His lips brushed with your parted and panting ones as he spoke.

You let out a whimper as you focused on your second orgasm, his hips were not letting up and neither was his lips that whispered pure filth.

“Want me to cum inside of you, make you not want to forget me and who you belong to? Right here on Jimin's desk.” 

Your eyes squeezed shut and you clutched at the fabric of his shirt as you were once again thrown into pure pleasure.

You couldn’t help it this time. The way he touched you, the way he felt inside of you, his grunts and words were all too much.

“Please, fucking cum inside of me, I want it all fuck you feel so good.” You cried out way too loudly. 

“Oh my god, fuck.” He breathed through pants as his hips pounded into yours. You felt him release inside of you. Your walls clenched around him upon hearing his long deep guttural moan. 

“I haven’t cum like that in…” he panted before letting out a little chortle of laughter “well in eight months.” 

“So,” there was a loud voice in the room making your heads turn and your stomach’s sink. “You fucked on my desk.” Jimin looked beyond angry as he sat in an office chair across the room with his phone in his hand, pointing it at the both of you. You had no idea when or how he had come in, but you knew you were both beyond physically fucked.

Jungkook had already scrambled to pull out of you and zip his pants back up as you jumped off the desk, pulled your underwear up, and smoothed out your dress.

“That's fine, I have you both on video. I really liked you y/n. Jungkook, Looks like I’m moving out.” he stood from the chair and headed towards the direction of the elevator. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to speak to our boss about this. He probably won't be too happy to see you two are breaking company policy.” 

“Fuck company policy and fuck you! You were an awful friend, roommate and you've always been jealous of me!” Jungkook yelled at him back.

“Not anymore, jobless.” Jimin turned back to give Jungkook a smirk before he stepped into the elevator.

With that, you were both just left there.

“I… I am so so sorry…” Jungkook began apologetically and just as stunned as you were.

“Don’t be, we’re too good for this job anyway, we can find new ones. It looks like you need a new roommate now though.” 

You watched his face as a small smile grew on it.

“Yeah, looking for someone prettier and nicer, maybe someone willing to be my girlfriend? I don't know though, I don’t want to make too many demands.” 

“Well I could meet all of those demands.” you played along. “We won't have to sneak around anymore.”

“Yes, please, yes. I uh- don't want to ruin the cute moment, but I think we should get out of here before Jimin brings the boss up.”

“Oh fuck, right. Uhh, we should probably just never come back too. Let’s just grab our stuff from our desks and make a run for it.”

“Let's go. You know, this is simultaneously the best, worst, most exciting, and most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to me,” he said and you couldn't help but laugh and agree.

Maybe the both of you had made a big mistake, but perhaps there could be good that came from it. You had him back and honestly you didn’t feel too bad about trading your dumb job with its dumb company policy for him.

[diyunho]

The Joker X Reader - “Ghost Driver”

When The Joker says you’re his, it means you’re essential to him because he needs your services for his own gain; it literally has zero affectionate connotations. Turbo is The King’s Ghost Driver and although she’s a legend, her life is far from perfect.

Part 2

“Where’s all your stuff?!” Frost asks since the apartment is pretty much empty.

“Gave it to Adam,” you sulk. “He wouldn’t sign the divorce papers so I gave in; I don’t even care… I’m glad he’s out of here.”

Jonny gazes at you in silence, a million words rushing through his mind and The Joker’s henchman can’t articulate anything close to what he would like to vociferate besides foolish small talk:

“How are you holding up?”

“Not sure… I don’t even know what the hell happened to us…It used to be so great and then he started making comments about my weight, gossiping with his friends behind my back, then cheated… I couldn’t handle it,” Y/N confesses although Frost is already acquainted with the dreadful story of her crumbled marriage.

“Not what the hell happened to us,” he decides to underline his personal opinion. “I think the question should be what the hell happened to him: you didn’t do anything wrong. And I believe you look perfect,” he mumbles the last sentence.

“What was that?” you search the fridge for his favorite soda.

“Nothing... nothing…”

“Here you go,” you offer the cold Fanta to a distraught companion.

“Thanks, Y/N. Here’s the money for tonight,” he gives you the envelope. “As usually, half now , half after the job is done.”

“OK,” you accept the terms without issues because it’s how The Clown Prince of Crime pays for your services. “Jonny, why is there an extra thousand dollars in here?!”

“Ummm…” the man tries to find a reasonable explanation yet Y/N can’t accept his strategy.

“Should I text Mister Joker and thank him for the bonus?”

“Nope,” he bites on his lip.

“I appreciate it,” you return the extra cash to Frost. ”I’m fine. Really.”

“Well…” he takes the bills and stashes them in his wallet, “… let me know if you need anything, alright?”

“I promise I will, “ you smile. “I swear on my Turbo honor,” the joke makes him smile also.

“Hey Y/N… I was thinking… maybe one of these days, if you feel like it, we could… and it’s entirely up to you, no pressure… maybe you would want to… ”

Frost’s phone keeps ringing and he retrieves from his suit’s pocket, annoyed about the interruption.

“It’s Audra,” he huffs while declining the call.

“Might be important,” you sort of urge him to answer.

“Meh, I doubt it. She will chew my ears off regarding our relationship that ended 3 months ago. I’m not interested,” he strolls towards the exit due to another pressing matter he has to attend. “I have to go, Mister Joker has a meeting soon; I’ll see you later, Y/N.”

“See you,” you wave and lock the door when your cell alerts of an incoming text from The Joker.

Downloading two pictures… Pictures?!

“Oh…my… God…!” you hold your breath when the first image depicts a totally naked King of Gotham reflected in the mirror at his gym and squeal when the second one shows a close up of his mid-section.

“Oh my God!” you burst out laughing as you admire the unexpected missive. “Heeeelllo Mister Joker,” you mutter and actual phrases pop up on your screen.

“I sent these to the wrong number, Y/N. Ignore and erase them!”

“Of course, sir!” you immediately reply with no intention of doing it for the moment.

Why?

The hilarious error shook you up from apathy and it’s worth saving those pics for a bit longer since you can’t remember the last time something got your attention after the messy divorce.

***************

11:49 PM

The Joker is the first one to get in the car next to you, firmly clutching to his suitcase full of diamonds freshly stolen from “Diamond Emporium” store on Glissan Avenue. You notice the other goons sneaking to the cars deliberately positioned around nearby streets for tonight’s robbery. How come J doesn’t go with them?

The dilemma is simple:

The green haired menace typically arrives with his regular crew when he plans heists but has Y/N pick him up after the job is done.

“Hi Mister Joker,” you greet your employer.

“Hey,” he acknowledges your presence. “Did you delete the pictures?” The Joker gets straight to the point.

“Yes,” you lie and tell the truth in the same time: you erased the whole body image but kept the close up one for future reference.

“Good. What did you think?” the hasty interrogation prompts a careful chosen response.

“You look very…,” and you pause in order to find the correct term since a tiny mistake could set him off. “… Healthy, Mister Joker.”

“I do,” he huffs quite pleased with your statement.

You wish to add more but Frost and the new hire squeeze in the back seat awaiting orders.

“You’re in luck kid,” Jonny places a box filled with precious gems at his feet. “Your first assignment and you get to meet Turbo.”

The young man opens his mouth in amazement as you move the fingers from your right hand in the air instead of a proper introduction.

“You’re Turbo?! I thought you’re a guy!” Nick blurs out and Frost punches him in the head, displeased with the observation.

“Sounds empty,” you growl while The Clown snorts.

“My Ghost Driver A GUY??!! Ha-ha-ha-ha!” the unnerving, screechy noises make the newbie shrivel up. “Turbo, A GUY!” he continues to amuse himself before giving Nick a psychotic glare.

“I’m…I’m so sorry, I meant no disrespect,” he nervously stutters especially since J called you “his”.

The poor bastard’s oblivious about what the label implies in The Clown’s universe: when The Joker says you’re his, it means you’re essential to him because he needs your services for his own gain; it literally has zero affectionate connotations.

“Where the fuck did you find this buffoon?” you chew on your gum, irritated.

“He’s Richard’s nephew,” Jonny sucks on his teeth.

“Uncle Panda is infinitely smarter,” Y/N barks at the revelation.

“I’m truly sorry,” Nick apologizes again and you cut him off.

“Save it!... … I hear sirens,” you slowly inhale and The King calmly articulates:

“I forgot to mention I accidentally triggered the silent alarm.”

Translation: he did it on purpose.

You snicker at the first lights blinking in the distance, excited to have some fun after stressing so much in the past weeks. The vehicles belonging to the gang scatter in different directions as you step on the gas pedal, accelerating towards the numerous police cars answering to the 10-64 code.

“That’s my girl!” J cracks his neck, already hyped at the adrenaline rush burning his veins: The Ghost Driver is perfect to offer him what he craves and she always delivers.

That’s why Turbo is his.

************

4:37 AM

“Hi…Mister…Mister Joker…” you attempt to talk without slurring.

“It’s Ella,” his girlfriend snarls.

“Why…where is he?” you guzzle down half of glass of wine, adamant in having a chat with your boss.

“Well, after you two had a merry time being chased by cops all over town, he came home and now he’s sorting out the diamonds,” the woman bitterly reports.

“I wanna talk to him,” you sniffle and drink some more alcohol.

“You just saw him. I’m sure it can wait until tomorrow.”

“I’m sure it can’t!” you shout. “I just received important information he’d be i…interested in,” you finally make it through the whole sentence.

Ella stomps in the living room, vexed at your behavior.

“It’s Turbo,” she shoves the phone in his fingers. “The bitch is wasted!”

“What did you call me?!” the appalled Y/N is about to burst when The Joker’s deep voice resonates I her ear.  

“Yeah?”

“Sir,” you correct your bitter tone. “I h-have very important news!”

“I’m listening,” J ignores his woman as she cusses you out.

“I have to tell you in person, sir. Let’s go on a date and I’ll reveal the entire shocking...”

“Huh?!”

“I have crucial information…”

“Quit repeating yourself!” The Joker interrupts. “You’re not making any sense. Go to sleep and we’ll catch up after you sober up.”

“But I wanna go on date Mister Joker,” you gulp the rest of the wine and prepare for a fourth round.

“Why, because I look healthy?” J mocks and Ella sighs, not understanding the odd conversation she’s witnessing. “… …. … Hello?”

A loud thud, then dialing tone at the other end of the line.

“I think she passed out,” The King of Gotham concludes, not particularly worried at the sudden halt of your monologue.

***************

3 Days Later

The late meeting is almost done: the buyers already purchased the diamonds J had for sale, among them your ex-husband Adam that has a small crowd gathered next to him; he’s supposedly famous for his crappy attitude enjoyed by jerks sharing the same ludicrous humor.

“You know I’m sensible when it comes to challenges and I couldn’t grasp why she doesn’t want my help in shedding a few pounds. What’s the harm in that?! I love curves but sometimes I don’t, ya’ know?” he winks and the group laughs.

The Joker is arranging money in duffle bags, his concentration diverted by the impromptu comedic performance. What the heck are they yapping about?

Frost is certainly in a foul mood: J can guess his trusted henchman is worked up since the usual chilled Jonny can’t control his anger.

“What’s wrong with being voluptuous, hm?” he addresses Adam and it clicks for The Joker: this is about Y/N.

“Nothing at all,” he smirks and the laughter around the room dies out because not too many dare screwing with Jonny Frost. “I was merely emphasizing that if a woman can’t lose weight, she’s doomed. Y/N lost me, how is she going to get another stud if she…”

“Perhaps she’s not interested in pieces of shit; definitely had her share!” Frost grumbles at the absurd remarks.

The Joker has no clue about what’s going on, yet he won’t deny today’s entertainment is far from boring.

“Give me a break!” Adam scoffs. “Who’d sniff her tail if she refuses to get skinnier? Ooohhh, wait a minute, we might have an admirer,” he arrogantly slides your cell out of his coat. “I was browsing her pictures and what do you know? A gentleman sent Y/N a picture of his junk three days ago. I am deeply sorry, my bad. She does have somebody sniffing her tail. What kind of loser sends images of his dangling goodies to another dude’s wife?!” 

“Ex-wife!” Jonny sneers whilst J’s calculation leads to an easy verdict: you kept one pic.

“Whose junk is this?! Is it yours?” your estranged spouse accuses Frost without any evidence.

“It’s my junk,” The Joker’s serene revelation makes everyone freeze: they have no idea how to react at the puzzling escalation of events.

Is he bluffing?!

“I wasn’t aware I require permission in order to text whatever I desire to whomever I want.”

Awkward silence and Frost approaches Adam, boiling with indignation.

“Why do you have Y/N’s phone?”

Your husband doesn’t have a chance to justify his action: Jonny’s punch throws him to the ground, immediately followed by his unsettling ultimatum.  

“You son of a bitch, what did you do to her?”

Your former husband gets on his elbow ready to attack when The King’s stern inquiry stops his motion:

“WHERE.IS.MY.TURBO?”

****************

After 1 hour

Frost lifts you higher in his arms while you keep wheezing, trying to regain control.

“I’m sorry…I attacked you,” the weakened Y/N whispers. “I thought you were Adam...”

After being abducted and left to starve for the last 3 days, you had one clear purpose: to kill the guy that did it. Adam surely crossed the line with his despicable plan of making you lose weight: he creeped in your apartment, kidnapped you and took you to his home where you were chained in the cellar until Jonny found you. The basement was dark and you couldn’t see, that’s why you used whatever strength you had left in order to attack the individual responsible for your misfortune.

Turned out it was actually a rescue party although Frost is now the proud owner of a beautiful bump courtesy of Y/N.

“No problem,” Jonny takes you to his SUV, carefully laying you down in the passenger’s seat. “How’s your head?” he wipes the dried blood on your cheeks since Adam knocked you out unconscious while you were talking to The Joker after the heist.

“I’m OK,” you start crying, mostly mad at yourself for being such an easy prey, yet you didn’t see it coming.

“You know… It’s OK not to be OK,” Frost opens a bottle of water and gives it to you. “I’ll take you home, you can take a shower and I’ll have the doctor come for an emergency evaluation. Are you hungry?”

“I’m so hungry,” tears stream down your face and Jonny has a great proposal.

“I’ll order some food and if you want me to I can stay with you. After you feel better, we could… and it’s entirely up to you, no pressure… maybe you would want to…”

The Joker rolls his eyes, deciding to emerge from the shadows.

“Wow, this is painful to watch. Frost believes he’s still in high school: basically he’s asking you on a date. There, done. No need to beat around the bush. Jesus!” J scolds about a subject he shouldn’t mess with. “I have a heist next week, you better be good to go by then!” he gestures at the confused duo. “If you’ll excuse me, I have my own date to honor. We’re done here, yes?”

“Yes sir,” Jonny replies for both, unwilling to split hairs with The Joker and his obnoxious aberrations. “Here’s your cell,” he returns the item to you and you snatch it, relieved. You seem to have an outburst of energy as you unlock the secured folder.

“Where’s Adam?”

“I don’t know, we had an altercation at the warehouse then he scrammed,” Frost reports, ogling a strange looking Y/N typing on her phone.

“He won’t be able to hide,” you grin and send the attachment to The Joker.

*************

“We’ll be late for dinner,” Ella kisses The Clown. “I’m not a 100% positive why we had to waste precious time and come for her,” she pouts and drags him after her towards their vehicle.

J’s phone chimes and he stops in his tracks, not expecting a message from you seconds after the encounter.

“Mister Joker, you were very generous to share pictures with me.

Allow me to do the same.

Your Turbo.”

Imagines downloading and he’s not sure what to do when pics appear one by one: frames taken by the private investigator you hired to follow Adam when you suspected he was cheating. The bastard was diligent, but he was eventually caught in the act three days ago.

Who’s the woman he’s with?

The Joker’s Queen.

“What’s wrong?” she frowns at the visible switch in his temper.

The Clown ruthlessly slams Ella against the hood while her cell also receives a text from Y/N:

“Who’s the bitch now?”

 Also read: MASTERLIST

You can also follow me on Wattpad and Ao3 under the same blog name: DiYunho.

[ducktastic]

2020 Gameological Awards

Over on the Gameological Discord, we have an annual tradition of writing up our games of the year not as a ranked list but rather as answers to a series of prompts. Here are my personal choices for the year that was 2020.

Favorite Game of the Year

I didn’t know what to expect when I walked into Paradise Killer. I knew that I liked the vaporwave resort aesthetic from the game’s trailer and figured I was in for a Danganronpa-style murder mystery visual novel with an open-ended murder mystery at its core. Those assumptions were… half-right? The game definitely plays out like the exploration bits of Danganronpa set on the island from Myst but with far simpler puzzles. What I didn’t expect was to fall so deeply in love with the environment—its nooks and crannies, its millennia of lore, its brutalist overlap of idol worship, consumerism, and mass slaughter. It makes sense that the world of Paradise Killer is its strongest feature, since the cast of NPCs don’t really move around, leaving you alone with the world for the overwhelming majority of your experience as you bounce back and forth between digging around for clues and interrogating potential witnesses. And despite what the promo materials indicated, there IS a definitive solution to the crimes you’re brought in to investigate, the game just lets you make judgment based on whatever evidence you have at the time you’re ready to call it a day, so if you’re missing crucial evidence you might just make a compelling enough case for the wrong person and condemn them to eternal nonexistence. Am I happy with the truth at the end of the day? No, and neither is anybody else I’ve spoken to who completed the game, but we all were also completely enthralled the entire time and our dissatisfaction has less to do with the game and more to do with the ugly reality of humanity. I’ve always been of the mindset that “spoilers” are absolute garbage and that a story should be just as good whether you know the twist or not and any story that relies on surprising the audience with an unexpected reveal is not actually that good a story, but Paradise Killer is a game about piecing together your own version of events so I feel that it’s vital to the gameplay experience that people go in knowing as little as possible and gush all about it afterwards. Just trust me, if the game looks even remotely intriguing to you, go for it. I’ve had just as much fun talking about the game after I finished it with friends just getting started as I did actually solving its mysteries myself.

Best Single Player Game

I honestly missed out on the buzz for In Other Waters at launch, so I’m happy I had friends online talking it up as Black Friday sales were coming along. The minimal aesthetic of his underwater exploration game allows the focus to shift more naturally to the game’s stellar writing as a lone scientist goes off in search of her mentor and the secrets they were hiding on an alien world. It only took a few hours for me to become completely absorbed in this narrative and keep pushing forward into increasingly dangerous waters. In Other Waters might just be the best sci-fi story I experienced all year and I’d highly recommend it to anyone who enjoys sci-fi novels, regardless of their experience with video games.

Best Multiplayer Game

Look, we all know this year sucked. 2020 will absolutely be chronicled in history books as a fascinating and deeply depressing time in modern history where we all stayed inside by ourselves and missed our friends and family. It was lonely and it was bleak. Which is why it made my heart glow so much more warmly every time I got a letter from an honest-to-goodness real-life friend in Animal Crossing New Horizons. Knowing that they were playing the same game I was and hearing about their experiences and sending each other wacky hats or furniture, it lightened the days and made us feel that little bit more connected. Sure, when the game first launched we would actually take the time to visit one another’s islands, hang out, chat in real-time, and exchange gifts, but we all eventually got busy with Zoom calls, sourdough starters, and watching Birds of Prey twenty-two times. Still, sending letters was enough. It was and still is a touching little way to show that we’re here for one another, if not at the exact same time.

Favorite Ongoing Game

Zach Gage is one of my favorite game designers right now, and when I heard he was releasing a game called Good Sudoku I was sold sight unseen. The game as released was… fine. It’s sudoku and it’s pleasant, but it was also buggy and overheated my phone in a way I hadn’t seen since Ridiculous Fishing (also by Zach Gage) seven years ago. Thankfully, the most glaring bugs have been fixed and I can now enjoy popping in every day for some quick logic puzzle goodness. Daily ranked leaderboards keep me coming back again and again, the steady ramp of difficulty in the arcade and eternal modes means I can always chase the next dopamine rush of solving increasingly complex puzzles. It’s not a traditional “ongoing” game the way, say, Fortnite and Destiny are, but I’m happy to come back every day for sudoku goodness.

Didn't Click For Me

With Fortnite progressively losing me over the course of 2020, finalizing with my wholesale “never again” stance after Epic boss Tim Sweeney compared Fortnite demanding more money from Apple to the American Civil Rights movement (no, absolutely not), I dipped my toe into a number of new “battle pass”-style online arena types of games, and while Genshin Impact eventually got its hooks into me, Spellbreak absolutely did not. With graphics straight out of The Dragon Prince and the promise of a wide variety of magic combat skills to make your character your own, the game seemed awfully tempting, but my first few experiences were aimless and joyless, with no moment of clarity to make me understand why I should keep coming back. Maybe they’ll finesse the game some more in 2021, or a bunch of my friends will get hooked and lure me back, but for now I am a-okay deleting this waste of space on my Switch and PC.

"Oh Yeah, I Did Play That Didn't I?"

I remember being really excited for Murder By Numbers. Ace Attorney-style crime scene investigation visual novel with Picross puzzles for the evidence, art by the creators of Hatoful Boyfriend, and music by the composer of Ace Attorney itself?! Sounds like a dream come true. But the pixel-hunt nature of the crime scene investigations was more frustrating than fun, the picross puzzles were not particularly great, and the game came out literally a week before the entire world went into lockdown which makes it feel more like seven years ago than just earlier this year. I remember being marginally charmed by the game once it was in my hands, but as soon as my mind shifted to long-term self care, Murder By Numbers went from hot topic to cold case.

Most Unexpected Joy

I was looking forward to Fuser all year. As a dyed-in-the-wool DropMix stan, the prospect of a spiritual sequel to DropMix on all major digital platforms without any of the analogue components was tremendously exciting, and I knew I’d have a lot of fun making mixes by myself and posting them online for the world to hear. What I didn’t expect, however, was the online co-op mode to be such a blast! Up to four players take turns making 32 bars of mashups, starting with whatever the player before handed them and adding their own fingerprints on top. It sounds like it should just be a mess of cacophony, but every session I’ve played so far has been just the best dance party I’ve had all year, and everyone not currently in control of the decks (including an audience of spectators) can make special requests for what the DJ should spin and tap along with the beat to great super-sized emoji to show how much they’re enjoying the mix. Literally the only times my Apple Watch has ever warned me of my heightened heart rate have been the times I was positively bouncing in place rocking out to co-op freestyle play in Fuser.

Best Music

Only one video game this year had tunes that were so bumpable they were upgraded to my general “2020 jams” playlist alongside Jeff Rosenstock, Run the Jewels, and Phoebe Bridgers, and that game was Paradise Killer. 70% lo-fi chill beats to study/interrogate demons to, 20% gothic atmospheric bangers, 10% high-energy pop jazz, this soundtrack was just an absolute joy to swim around in both in and out of gameplay.

Favorite Game Encounter

It’s wild that in a landscape where games let me live out my wildest fantasies, the single moment that lit me up in a way that stood out to me more than any other was serving Neil the right drink in Coffee Talk. Over the course of the game, you serve a variety of hot drinks to humans, werewolves, vampires, orcs, and more, all while chatting with your customers and learning more about their lives and relationships. The most mysterious customer, though, is an alien life form who adopts the name Neil. They do not know what they want to drink and claim it doesn’t make a difference because they cannot taste it. Everybody else wants *something*. Neil is just ordering for the sake of fitting in and exploring the Earth experience. It’s only in the second playthrough that attentive baristas will figure out what to serve Neil, unlocking the “true” ending in the process. Seeing the typically stoic Neil actually emote when they tasted their special order drink? What an absolute treat that was.

Best Free DLC of the Year

It’s still only a couple of days old at the time I’m writing this, but Marvel’s Avengers just added Kate Bishop, aka Hawkeye, and THANK GOODNESS. Almost every character in the game at launch just smashed the endless waves of robot baddies with their fists and that looks exhausting and uncomfortable. Hawkeye (the game calls her Kate Bishop, but come on, she’s been Hawkeye in the comics for over 14 years, let’s show her some respect) uses A SWORD. FINALLY! Aside from that, I’m just having a blast shooting arrows all over the place. She and Ms Marvel are the most likable characters in the game so far, so I hope they keep adding more of the Young Avengers and Champions to the game, and if the recently announced slate of Marvel movies and tv shows are any indication (with America Chavez, Cassie Lang, and Riri Williams all coming soon to the MCU), that seems to be what Marvel is pushing for across all media

Most Accessible Game

Nintendo is, first and foremost, a toy company. They got their start in toys and cards long before video games was a thing, and they still do more tests to ensure their video game hardware is childproof than anybody else in the industry (remember how they made Switch cartridges “taste bad” so kids wouldn’t eat them?). This year, Nintendo got to rekindle some of their throwback, simplistic, toys-and-cards energy with Clubhouse Games: 51 Worldwide Classics, a Switch collection of timeless family-friendly games like Chess, Mancala, and Backgammon, along with “toy” versions of sports like baseball, boxing, and tennis for a virtual parlor room of pleasant time-wasters. The games were all presented with charming li’l explainers from anthropomorphic board game figurines, and the ability to play quick sessions of Spider Solitaire on the touch screen while I binged The Queen’s Gambit on Netflix made Clubhouse Games one of my most-played titles of the year. Plus, local play during socially-distant friend hangs was an excellent way to make us feel like we were much closer than we were physically allowed to be as friends knocked each other’s block off in the “toy boxing” version of Rock’em Sock’em Robots.

"Waiting for Game-dot"

I get that everyone loves Disco Elysium. I saw it on everyone’s year-end lists last year. I finally bought it with an Epic Games Store coupon this year. This year was a long enough slog of depressing post-apocalyptic drudgery, I didn’t want to explore a whole nother one in my leisure time. I’ll get to it… someday.

Game That Made Me Think

Holovista was an iPhone game I played over the course of two or three days based on the recommendation of some trusted colleagues on Twitter and oh my goodness was I glad that I played it. What starts as a chill vaporwave photography game steadily progresses into an exploration of psychological trauma, relationships with friends and family, and the baggage we carry with us from our pasts. In this exceptionally hard year, I badly needed this story about spending time alone with your personal demons and finding your way back to the people who love and support you. Just like with Journey and Gone Home, I walked away from Holovista feeling a rekindled appreciation for the people in my life.

[peacedolantwins]

Already Gone pt. 2

A/n: hi i finished this at three in the morning so if there’s typos and stuff come yell at me so I can fix it

It had been over a month since the break up when Grayson passed by the back door and heard Ethan on the with someone. When he heard who was on the other line he paused.

“But mom, what if… what if you only get one shot at love? What if she was the one and I blew it? What am I supposed to do?” Just from listening in Grayson knew his brother was close to tears.

Ethan never really wore his heart on his sleeve. He kept it hidden away because if no one can get close it meant he couldn’t get hurt. But he let you in and it hurt more than ever now that you were gone.

All the times he made fun of Grayson for thinking every girl he talked to was his soulmate, he finally got it. You were his and he could feel it.

For the first time in his life, he felt what he could only begin to describe as anger and hate towards his brother. Grayson was supposed to be his best friend, his biggest supporter, the person he could trust with anything and everything. But Grayson was the reason you left. Because he couldn’t at least be civil to girl he cared about with his whole heart.

Grayson couldn’t hear what their mom said to him, but Ethan hung up with a sigh. He knew he had to talk to you but there was a problem with that.

Grayson really didn’t know anything about you. He had no idea where you lived, where you worked, what your number was, he didn’t even really know your last name. Every time his brother would talk about you he pretty much tuned it out. The only thing he really knew was that you often liked to walk home after work because you said it gave you time to just think.

The only reason he knew this was because Ethan would often express his worry about you walking home alone at night and it’s something Grayson would never admit to worrying about too. He knew he would have to go through Ethan’s phone to at least find your number or anything that would help him talk to you.

It was a few days later after he heard the phone call when he had an idea.

“Hey do you mind if I use your computer really quick? Mines updating right now,” he knew Ethan’s contacts were synced up through the cloud so it should be easy for him to get your number.

“Can’t you just use your phone?” Ethan really hasn’t been in the mood to talk to his brother lately.

“No, now come on, please?”

“Fine.”

Grayson went in and saw that his brothers computer was already on. He quickly went through and found your number, glad Ethan hadn’t deleted it.

He also saw the internet tab was already open, just minimized so he opened it and saw another tab was open as well. He was a curious person by nature so he clicked on it, not knowing he was about to see something he never wanted to see.

Ethan was looking at houses for sale nearby. And by the looks of it, he found one.

Grayson couldn’t believe it. His brother was planning on moving and he never even mentioned it. What happened to their plans of getting houses on the same land together? Why would he be leaving?

“What the fuck are you doing?” Ethan walked and saw what his brother was looking at and quickly closed the tab.

“Me? What the fuck are you doing? You’re looking at houses Ethan! You’re just gonna leave and not say anything? Why do you even want to leave?”

“After everything, I think I just need my own space. Somewhere where I can bring someone over without you throwing a fit over it. We’re going to have to separate eventually Grayson, might as well get it over with.”

“Yeah, eventually! When we have wives and families! Not now!”

“How am I supposed to have a wife when you chased away the girl I care about huh? Can’t have a wife if I don’t have a girlfriend dumbass. So yeah, I think it’s time we separate.” Ethan really didn’t want to have this conversation.

“Ethan- no. Look I’m sorry, but please man… just don’t.” Grayson didn’t like how he had less time with his brother with you around but now he would so gladly take that over his big brother completely leaving him.

“It’s already done. You say you’re the responsible one out of the two of us. So grow up and accept it. It should be about another week while everything goes through then I’m gone. Now get out of my room.”

Grayson quietly got up and left the room. He knew he fucked up. He knew since he heard you two broke up but now knowing he fucked up to the point where his own brother didn’t want to live with him anymore hurt in a way he didn’t think was possible.

What he didn’t know was the full reason why Ethan wanted to leave. Yes, they were going to split up eventually but Ethan couldn’t be in that house anymore. Everywhere he went, it was like he saw your ghost.

Every time he walked into his room and saw the pink wall he just thought of how you teased him the first time you saw it and asked if he was planning on having a baby girl already. Every time he walked into the kitchen he saw you sitting on the counter because you couldn’t cook for shit but you were there for moral and emotional support. He saw you passed out on the couch taking a nap.

But he also saw you on that same couch with tears in your eyes saying you two needed to break up. Every time he walked into the house he remembered it as the spot where you two kissed goodbye for the last time.

Something Ethan never mentioned to anyone was just how committed to you he really was. You had been dating for ten months and he knew you were the one. You had put up with Graysons attitude that whole time and never made a big deal about it.

He had even started looking at engagement rings.

Maybe he was going too far too fast but he just knew you were it for him since the very beginning. So yeah, he had to get out of this house.

While Grayson was still trying to process everything, me knew he had to call you. He was even more surprised when you answered right away.

“Grayson? Is everything okay?” You had his number saved because you wanted to have it Incase there was ever an emergency while you and Ethan were together.

“Um actually I was hoping we could talk?” He didn’t know how you knew it was him calling but that wasn’t important right now.

“Grayson, I tried talking to you. It never goes well.”

“Please, just hear me out. After that I won’t bother you, but please?” He didn’t care if he had to beg you at this point.

“Fine. Meet me after work.” You told him where and when and he said he’d be there.

A few hours later you surprised him when you walked up to his car and tapped on his window. You could recognize his douchebag car anywhere. He unlocked the car and you got in the passenger side.

“So?” While before you had done everything to stay in Graysons good graces, you didn’t really care anymore. He got what he wanted. You were out of his and Ethan’s life. He’s taken enough from you.

“Y/n I’m sorry for how I was around you. I never gave you a chance and I know how shitty I was to you. Especially the last time we talked. But I can try and explain to you why.” He went on to tell you about how he was just scared of losing his brother even though rationally he knew that wasn’t happening. He also noticed you had lost a bit of weight and your eyes weren’t as bright as he remembered them being.

While he explained everything, while you didn’t agree, you could see where he was coming from. You knew going into the relationship that they were inseparable but there were other ways that Grayson could have expressed he wanted to spend more time with his brother.

So when he told you that Ethan bought another house and was planning on moving out, you couldn’t believe it. You had broken both of your hearts to keep the peace between them but it seems the pain was for nothing.

“No. Why didn’t you talk him out of it?”

“I tried but it was already too late by the time I found out. Please come back. And not just because of this but because I know he’s hurting. He has been since the night you left. And I can see you are too. If he still wants to leave, fine but I want him to at least be happy.” He could learn to be okay with his brother gone. But knowing his brother would be gone and possibly hate him was something he couldn’t live without at least trying to fix what he ruined.

Looking back on it, he should have seen how good you two were together. You both worked like a machine together, two pieces working in perfect harmony. You would support Ethan’s crazy adventures and he helped pull you out of your shell. But when Ethan went too far, you were there to keep him grounded. And now both of you were falling because of him.

“Is he home?” You asked after some thinking. You didn’t know if he would even want to see you but you knew you definitely wanted to see him.

“Yeah, he said he was going to start packing…” Grayson hated that sentence even coming out of his mouth.

“Well lets go then.”

A short drive later you found yourself sitting in the parked car outside the house. You didn’t think you would be this nervous about going in.

“Do you mind if I go first? Just to talk to him alone?” You asked Grayson quietly.

“Go ahead.” You got out of the car and went up to the door. You remembered the key code but you weren’t sure about just walking in so you knocked on the door. You could hear music coming from inside so you assumed he just couldn’t hear you. As you were about to knock even louder, it seems Grayson had a different solution.

Ethan was laying on his bed and taking a break from packing a few things when he heard an obnoxious honk coming from outside and he knew just from the sound it was Graysons car. Annoyed, he got up and went to the door but stopped when he saw you through the glass and he hesitantly opened the door.

“Hey E,” you smiled up at him.

“Y/n…” he immediately pulled you into a hug and wrapped his arms around you. It felt amazing to be back in those arms you missed so much but he was slowly crushing you.

“Killing me here,” you gently tapped his back so he would loosen up. “Let’s go inside yeah?”

The two of you sat down on the couch, right back where everything came apart the last time you were here, and you both just sat there not really knowing what to say.

“So Grayson called me and we talked.” Ethan raised his brows at that, knowing how his brother felt about you. “I know, I was surprised too. But he told me why he did what he did. It was a shitty excuse but I get it. He didn’t want to lose his big brother. But he also told me that’s what’s happening isn’t it?”

“And don’t give me that cop out excuse of saying it was going to happen eventually. Why are you pushing for it so fast?” You took his face in one of your hands and brushed your thumb over his cheek. He closed his eyes and leaned into your touch.

“I can’t be in this house anymore without you here. Everything reminds me of you and I just can’t Y/n.” He said it so quietly it was hard to hear.

“Can we try again? And not just because of all of this mess. Ethan, we were good together. I can work on things with Grayson, but please give us another chance?” You never wanted any of it to end but when it did you knew it was the worst mistake of your life.

“Yes,” He pulled your face to his and brought your lips together. He couldn’t even explain how much he missed you. How much he missed this.

He moved you so you were now straddling his lap, lips still connected. He kept his grip on you firm but gentle, scared that if he let go and opened his eyes you would be gone and this was all a dream.

“Are you guys done yet? It’s fucking cold out here,” The moment was interrupted by Grayson pounding on the front door. You two broke apart to see him standing outside and remembered that it was a somewhat cold night for California standards.

“Yeah get in here Gray,” Ethan waved him in while you got off his lap.

“So… are we okay?” Grayson asked his brother.

“We’re okay. But bro, if you ever pull some shit like that again I’m gone,” he warned him.

“I know, I know. Don’t worry,” he looked over to you. “Y/n, are we good?”

“We’re good. Just don’t be an asshole and we’ll be good.” Ethan couldn’t help but laugh at how more blunt you were being with his brother. Before you would tiptoe around him but now you were fully standing up for yourself and not taking his shit anymore. He was proud of you.

“Come on, get in here,” you opened up your arms to give him a hug. As you wrapped your arms around him you couldn’t help but realize this was the first time you two had ever hugged and felt your eyes water a bit.

“Wait, what’s wrong?” Grayson asked when he pulled away and saw the tears about to fall.

“Nothing, just… were finally all okay.” You smiled and felt Ethan wrap an arm around you. He let you go before and there was no way he was letting that happen again. He had everything he ever wanted in front of him and he wasn’t going to lose it this time.

I hope you guys liked it! Pls like/reblog/comment it gives me the validation I need in my life thank youu

Also, any suggestions on what to write next?

@pgm-dolan @dolandolll @dolanshellyes @mysecretsaremydemons @mmmmmgd @ethandolxns @dolantwinsfavss @knee-deep-in-feels @godlydolans @dolanstwintuesday @sarcasm-at-its-finest2444 @fandomsfeministsandothershit @graydolan12 @ilsolee @inlovewithethandolan @someonedoingnothing @vintagebitttch @sunshinedolantwins @chonisberonica @ardordolan @ethantasy @wasabisama331 @graysavant @atlas-of-a-human-soul @wolfpuppii009

[songandashadow]

Monthly Fic Rec - October

hey guys! I haven’t posted anything in a long damn while, but life’s been stressful. Doesn’t matter now though, because I’m back and about to give you a rec of all the awesome fics I read this month! Main pairing: Harry/Louis unless stated otherwise. Please don’t forget to show these fics some love and leave kudos/comments if you want! Let’s get to it. :)

***PLEASE ALWAYS READ THE TAGS FOR POSSIBLE TRIGGERS***

⸙  'Cause You May See Me In Different Bodies by lookingfortherainbow | 2k

“So, what’s your actual name?’ The curved eyebrows go up, those deep blue eyes go wide, and Harry waits patiently. “What, you mean--you mean, like, my preferred name?” “Same thing, isn’t it?” A raspy chuckle follows that, and Harry inhales the whoosh of minty cologne that floats his way when the customer scratches at the nape of his neck, over the hair that has gone shaggier since he last saw him. -- Harry knows the customers at the drug store he works at a little too well--except for the one that wears too many Adidas clothes.

⸙  always be my baby by orphan_account | 3k   [log in]

Harry is Louis' baby. Harry also wants Louis' babies.

⸙ this town's just an ocean now by louistomlinsons | 31k

“I have really great friends. Do you remember Louis? You guys were always hanging out when you were growing up.” Harry remembers Louis. Harry remembers Louis. Suddenly, his throat feels way too dry, despite the ice cream he keeps licking at. He chokes a little on a chocolate chip before saying, “I, uh. I remember Louis.” Her face brightens. “We have dinner every Sunday. He owns the house now. His parents moved further north, and he wanted to stay here, so they just gave it over. Now if you want to worry about someone being lonely, that’s who I worry about.” inspired by watermelon sugar, featuring picnics on the beach and boys being dumb

⸙ deleted your number (so i can't call you) by tofiveohfive | 9k

Harry wakes up to a voicemail.

It’s Saturday morning and it’s raining, a barely there drizzle. He sees the notification as soon as he picks up his phone from the bedside table, bleary eyes making it hard to distinguish the words. He’s got a few instagram mentions, a couple unread texts, but what really stands out is the “Missed Call and Voicemail”.

From Louis.

Or the ten hours before Harry comes home to Louis, and the five hours after he does.

⸙ Barefoot in Blue Jeans by indiaalphawhiskey | 24k    [log in]

AU. Louis Tomlinson is trying desperately hard not to fall for his son’s au pair, but he can’t, for the life of him, remember why.

475. The hope that this fear is unfounded.

⸙ growing pains by crybaby | 63k

‘Harry Styles? It’s Louis Tomlinson. About the job,’ he pauses, ‘Would you be able to start this coming Friday?’

Harry Styles is stuck. He’s just broken his mum’s heart by dropping out of law school, lives with his childhood best friend-turned boyfriend-turned best friend again, and his greatest prospect at the moment is his casual arrangement with Nick.

Until Nick gets him a job as a nanny for the summer, resulting in multiple attempts at ignoring feelings, questioning morals and sexuality, pining, and the obligatory angst that comes with a Movie Star falling for his nanny.

⸙ No Such Thing As Second Choices by slashter | 29k 

main: louis/harry/liam

Harry is the calming rain, the peaceful serenity, the cleansing fall of water that makes Liam come alive and Louis is the thunder, the lightning, crashing and booming and shaking Liam to the core.

[Or the one where Liam falls in love with two men on a computer screen; real life, however, is a lot more complicated]

⸙ You Make Me Wanna Scream by dimpled_halo | 5k

Louis’ stomach flutters as he reads the words. Harry wants to “kick it up a notch”. His mind automatically comes up with different possibilities.

Hey Harry,

I’ll bring over some things and we can discuss them in more detail and determine from there what you feel most comfortable with trying.

See you Saturday,

Louis

Louis wants to ask him how his week is going and learn more about his life but he keeps it professional. He can’t get attached no matter how good of a potential sub the guy may be. With a long sigh, Louis resumes his lunch trying his best not to picture Harry tied up while he paddles his lickable ass.

⸙ Talk Dirty To Me by BriaMaria | 13k    [log in]

They were both naked. And that seemed, again, like a catastrophically bad idea, but here they were anyway. Naked. In the dark. Only a few feet apart.

It hadn’t even been a discussion. The minute Harry flipped the lights off, they’d both shucked out of their clothes as if they’d been on fire.

“Alright darling,” Louis said, his hand wrapped loosely around his own cock. “Just remember, start slow. Lots of descriptions. Light on the hygiene, heavy on the compliments. You’ve got this.”

As if Harry were about to compete in some kind of athletic game. __

Or the one where Harry is absolutely terrible at dirty talk so he asks his best friend to teach him. And the one where Louis knows it's a catastrophically bad idea but agrees anyway.

⸙ Here to Stay (here to Play) by SadaVeniren | WIP

Larry Kinktober 2020

New chapter every day. New kink every day.

⸙ Overwhelming by KrisStylinson | 13k

He groans and squints at the feet of whoever he’s bumped into. All he sees is a worn pair of tan boots that lead up into a pair of long, long legs. He sits up, sighing, and rubs at his eyes; there’s a hand in front of his face so he grabs it and allows this stranger to help him up.

He blinks once, twice, and can’t believe his bad fucking luck, because of course he slammed his entire body into a pretty stranger. Not only that but—he smells the air once to confirm his suspicions—a pretty, sweet-smelling, alpha stranger. Fantastic.

Pretty stranger opens his mouth. “I didn’t concuss you, did I?”

Louis is an omega attending university to get his degree and most definitely not waste his time with unimportant things such as finding a mate. Harry is the alpha who manages to unwittingly mess up that plan.

⸙ Face Your Fears by SadaVeniren | 92k

Harry is a single father, pretending to be a beta after his alpha mated him and left him. He’s getting by just fine raising the twins when Louis walks into his bakery. Too bad him and Louis will never be a thing.

my notes on this fic:  I fucking cried so much. beautiful, angsty rollercoaster of emotions. #fave

⸙ Just Jump by jaerie | 9k

Finally, after years of suffering alone, the insurance plan at Harry's new job covered omega heat services. As a grown omega adult, it finally felt like the right time to try it out. And, since taking an entire week of heat leave would really put him behind at work, using a service to shorten it seemed like a responsible decision. At least that’s how he rationalized it. He was nervous about his decision but it was too late. The doorbell rang.

“Hi!” The alpha said again and Harry took the hand he offered and shook it firmly. “I’m Louis from Omega Services. It’s nice to meet you.”

⸙ Cameras Flashing by juliusschmidt | 81k

With his breakout single platinum three times over and his second album still selling out in stores around the world, Louis Tomlinson has made it to the top. However, his position as Pop Heartthrob of the Decade is threatened by the edgier, more artistic Zayn, who happens to be releasing an album a week after Louis’ upcoming third. Louis needs something groundbreaking- scandalous, even- to push past him in the charts. Much to Louis’ dismay, his PR team calls in The Sexpert.

Consulting with PR firm Shady, Lane and Associates pays the bills so that Harry Styles can spend his down time doing what he really loves: poring over data. On weekends and late into the evenings, he researches gender, presentation, and sexual orientation, analysing the longitudinal study that is his father’s life’s work. That is, until his newest client, the popstar with the fascinating secret, drags him off his couch and frighteningly close to the spotlight.

As the album’s release date approaches, will Tomlinson and Styles be able to pull off the most risky PR scheme of the millennium and beat Zayn in sales or will the heat of their feelings for each other compromise everything?

⸙ reach the heavens own blue by loubellies | 21k

He steps up to the plate, eyes glazing over as he watches Harry chew sunflower seeds, his jaw moving obnoxiously and exaggeratedly. His eyes drag down Harry’s body, settling on his large bulge, accentuated in those sinful pinstripe pants. The lines cut across it just right, curving where he’s thickest. Louis wants to crawl across the dirt on his knees and just take what Harry gives him.

Louis shuts his eyes for a moment, opening them to find Harry staring at him with a smug expression. He fucking knows. Louis gets into position and waits for the pitch. He swings when Harry throws, missing the ball just barely. Strike one.

or Louis is a Boston Red Sox and Harry is a New York Yankee.

⸙ He's Got So Much Fucking Hair by Queer_and_trashy | 7k

Professional hairstylist Louis for years has had a bit of a celebrity crush on Harry Styles the gorgeous queer model who just recently came out as genderfluid. So when he gets the opportunity to work with his dream partner on one of the coolest projects of career he might be a little flustered.

Aka Harry does the Another Man photoshoot and Louis is gay. Also, they're both trans because I can. Was written for hltransenbyficfest may it rest in peace

⸙ Worth the Wait by lovelarry10 | WIP

“Harry, you’re scaring me. Why did you need me to come home? I don’t mind, not if you need me, but… tell me what’s happening, love.”

“I…” Harry cleared his throat, but still the words wouldn’t come. His shaking hand reached down and pulled out the picture, his breath coming in shallow pants as he handed it to Louis, who took it from him, frowning down at it.

“Whose is this?”

Louis’ blue eyes met Harry’s green then, and Harry knew he had to tell the truth.

“It’s mine. Ours. I’m pregnant, Louis.”

*****

Louis and Harry had long ago come to terms with the fact they couldn’t have children. Rapidly approaching their forties, they’re settled at work, and more than happily married.

Life, however, has other plans for the Tomlinsons.

⸙ Meant To Be (Arse First) by Anonymous | 4k

Zayn groans in response, and Louis can hear the slow rustle of his bed sheets in the background. “Is it another ‘you woke up in the back parking lot of a Tesco’s with no pants and I need to come get you before the cops do’ panic or more of a 'I can stay in my bed and lend you an ear’ kind of panic, because I drank a lot more than you did last night, Lou.”

“Uhh,” Louis replies eloquently, “more like an 'I have two giant, blood red handprints on my naked arse, and no, they aren't from a good shag’ kind of panic.” ------ Or the one where your soulmate mark appears on your body where they first touch you and stays there until they touch you for the first time. Aka the one where Louis's soulmate must like bums.

⸙ planting seeds of love. by 4ureyesonly28 | 5k

When little Harry first sees the boy dressed in all green, with mismatched blue and red socks and the huge crown of yellow petals around his head, he doesn't know that he's just laid eyes upon the love of his life.

⸙ Her by jaerie | 7k

The buttery swipe of a high quality lipstick was almost a sexual experience in and of itself. This time a deep colour with purple undertones which drew out the emphasis of long, dark lashes and perfectly contoured cheekbones. It was a look for loose and styled curls, feeling the classy formal nightclub vibes reflected back from the mirror. The silky plum coloured slip dress would be perfect to debut. The tags still needed to be cut free from the new garment that hung in the closet, but tonight was the night to set it free.

When Harry gets home, she can finally be who she wants to be. Letting someone else in always feels like a distant daydream to her... until it suddently isn't.

⸙ at last, at last by suspendrs | 41k

“Come with us,” Tommo says, stopping at the other end of the gymnasium, near the doors. “Don’t let them make you suffer any longer. Come with us, and be human.”

Before Harry has even finished thinking it through, he’s on his feet, gaining the attention of every single person in the gymnasium. What has he got to lose, anyway?

Or, Harry is born into a cult in a post-apocalyptic world, and Louis is the leader of the rebel group tasked with the mission of shutting them down. Together, they make a rather effective team.

⸙ don't you call him baby by Femstyles | 8k

But now, eleven months later, as his Uber pulls up outside the bar, Harry thinks he can absolutely handle this. He's going to walk into Liam's birthday party where the ex-love of his life is also going to be and he's going to show Louis that he can be a mature adult about everything that’s happened in the last year.

Or the one where Harry is absolutely doing fine and is definitely not still hung up on Louis. Except he is.

⸙ the anticipation of knowing you by sweetrevenge | 13k

Hello Neighbor! Just wanted to let you know that you were having sex so loud and scarily I called our building manager and security officer because I thought you were hurt. P.S. I sent them away when I heard you yell ‘cock’. I’m sorry that I heard that, but I wanted you to know in case they stopped by to check on you or something. Sorry! Your neighbor Louis Tomlinson in apartment #306

After Louis overhears his next door neighbor having sex, he doesn’t really expect anything but awkward hallway encounters to come from it. Instead, he’s surprised to find himself in a whirlwind pen pal relationship with the sweet, albeit loud, baker next door.

⸙ Into the Deep Below by writeivywrite | 18k

Louis can’t help but stare, his heart in his throat, because he’s never kissed anyone like that. It’s the sort of passion people ruin their marriages for, that they get tattoos to remember, and it hurts to look at because he wants to taste it, to get between them and feel the burn of it on his lips.

Surfer AU written for the prompt 'Les Misérables: the guide, the chief and the centre'

⸙ So Wonderful and Warm by SadaVeniren |3k

“I’m going to die,” Harry whined as she buried her face in her arms.

“Silly Harriet. What did you expect her to wear to the pool?” Niall said it loud and uproariously and Harry saw the way Shawn looked over at them from where he was pretending to tan.

She reached back and slapped blindly at his hand. “I don’t know. Trunks and a tank top? A one-piece? Not-” she gestured towards the object of her current pain. “that!”

That - for the record - was one Louise Tomlinson, dressed in a red bikini.

aka Harry is a useless lesbian who pines, but not for very long because this is a pwp.

⸙ You, Who Never Arrived by abrighteryellow | 42k

That was him, Niall.” He claps a hand over a disbelieving laugh. “My soulmate – the person I’ve been waiting for since I was nine years old. That was him on the other end of the phone.” “But it can’t–” Niall stutters, unsure of what to do, how to put a stop to this. “That wasn’t real.” “Wasn’t it?” Louis rushes past him, zipping up his fly. He grabs a black denim jacket from a hook near the door. “Then who did I just talk to?” “Where are you going?” Niall demands as Louis pockets his keys and swings his front door open. “I just have to get a look at him. I just have to see, that’s all!” “You’re not serious. Louis, it’s already late.” “He’s at the airport. Fifteen years I’ve been expecting him around every corner, and now he’s half an hour away. I can’t just sit here.” “Bu–” “I’m not going to do anything crazy, I promise. I just–I have to see him. This is my chance. Maybe my only chance.”

Louis Tomlinson is days away from marrying a perfectly nice podiatrist when he gets a phone call that changes everything. Or, the Only You AU in which Louis has a soulmate and it's definitely not Harry Styles.

⸙ Home (It's You) by sunniskies | 28k

When Louis left his high-powered life in the city to settle down in the suburbs, he had hoped to one day fall in love and start a family. He certainly didn’t expect to meet the omega of his dreams within five minutes of moving in.

He also didn’t expect the love of his life to hate him so much.

Or, Louis and Harry are neighbors who can't seem to get along...until they fall in love.

⸙ Vanilla Extract by Maelstrom_Roots | 3k

"When quarantine had started, Harry had been the cool one. But sometime in the last week, a panic had begun to grow inside of him. It had started out small, a niggle of worry deep inside his brain, but had since metastasized into something hungry and unpredictable."

Or: Harry takes a trip to the grocery store, and then freaks out about it.

[1ddiscourseoftheday]

Fri 8 Nov

Harry was extra charming and exciting today and we appreciate it! An absolute riches of content! But the ticket situation for the Fine Line Live show still sucks. First of all, thanks for the special code for the special people except wow y'all really just used that as a way to unload the crappiest seats yesterday huh? And not even very many of them! But I guess we should be grateful for any access since many of the other seats may not have gone on sale at all; it appears that the only 100 level seats that went on sale yesterday were the ones behind the stage, for example, but most of the really good ones of those appear to have been held back from sale entirely. It's all shady as hell and out of 17k $25 tickets 11k [edit: source on this number later called into question] of them have ended up on resale sites for hundreds to thousands of dollars each (going as high as, no joke, $90k) due to seemingly no anti-scalper measures being taken, not even a delay in ticket transfers, and it looks as if thousands more may not have been sold at all. Were whole blocks kept back for industry guests? Like to do that makes sense but thousands of them?? Some of these tickets might become available at the last minute but that's little comfort for anyone who would need to plan ahead to attend. Good damn thing you're so cute Harry! How to stay mad when he's out here playing hangman with his mysterious song titles on twitter?? He also commented on whether the supposed Watermelon Sugar lyrics on genius were real to say "I won't be justifying that question with an answer" which I took to mean of fucking course not are you crazy but some people are like so they're real then??? WHAT. Okay I guess... On top of that, last night unseen footage and stills were discovered, including a beautiful shot of Harry in a long ruffled shirt in a rainbow lake, from the unreleased and scrapped Two Ghosts video! The footage was used on screens during HSLOT but the unseen bits and context makes a lot more speculation about the video possible. The artist had posted it months ago but apparently shouldn't have: soon after it was found all TG content was quietly deleted from his accounts.

Louis had more promo announced including Tracks of My Years, a very good booking and something to look forward to! He'll have a spot every day next week talking about the songs he's chosen then the whole thing will be available as a podcast, and he has a new playlist up now on Deezer. We learned that he was doing music video shooting the last two days in Manchester- apparently he's joining the actors in the ongoing storyline that's been happening in the video series as part of the heist! I might even acquire an actual interest in this confusing het love story! Filming continued today without him while he was evidently hanging out at home commenting on Robbie Williams' livestream. He got shoutouts from the Donny Rovers who used WMI in a promo spot and from Pot Noodle who suggested he take his noodle tips out of interviews and into a cookbook. Louis was like, now that I'm a cooking influencer gotta get in with the right crowd, and followed Gordon Ramsay. DLIBYH was registered on another platform and does list Louis as a composer this time which makes a lot more sense so that's that put to rest.

Lots of Liam press in advance of Tuesday's TV special- he mentions shooting a video on the coast, very interesting! Unfortunately as a result of his tweet drawing attention to it, also a lot of press coverage of the questions about Maya's age. He took a fan pic and the important question- does he smell good- was answered! "Well guess what guys," we're told, "yes he does!"

Niall had a long, chill Zack Sang interview and the Graham Norton show aired, he chats with Olivia Coleman and performs. In keeping with today's theme, people being mad about concert tickets, he tells us that he's going to see MCR cause he knows the right people, and he says they won't actually be drunk all the time on tour cause they have to be in shape to perform, they'll play mini golf or something. He answered 'tour questions' on instagram which sadly ended up being a lot of talk about how venues get chosen which I guess is useful but not very exciting.

Zayn keeps teasing Flames but no solid info yet.

[iraqdinar]

Wikileaks Email Shows Man Emailing Intelligence Contractor to Ask About Iraqi Dinar, Vietnamese Dong Revaluations (RVs)

What documents has Wikileaks published relating to the rumored IQD/VND RVs? (Part 1)

By: Peter Egan Jr.

A 2010 email published to Wikileaks’ “Global Intelligence Files” shows what appears to be a random man emailing an employee of a Texas-based intelligence contractor to inquire about what his firm knew or didn’t know regarding the long-rumored revaluation (”RV”), essentially a massive and instantaneous change to the foreign exchange rate of a national currency. Technically, a country can revalue its currency to either increase or decrease the value of the currency, however in this context, with these two particular countries it’s typically discussed in the context of an upward trajectory being the bullish position among speculators. This is the case even as Iraq just this past couple week devalued the Dinar relative to the US dollar.

The dinar trade on third-party sites like eBay, where users buy and sell Iraqi Dinar at generally inflated prices, is alive and as healthy as ever. At one point in July and August sellers were fetching nearly 300% of the actual exchange rate, and are still selling for much more than IQD has traditionally traded for on secondary markets, although the price has subsided a bit, largely due to a giant increase in supply after word made its way around the Dinar forums and YouTube shows about how much IQD was selling for, while demand has dipped with many investors and speculators possessing a common misconception that the 2020 Presidential election was won by the candidate who actually lost (badly). Dinar speculators have a very large faction who believe that the Iraq currency’s relative worth is to be decided in large part whether the incumbent US President remains in office. Even still, comparing the exchange rate Xe lists against the market rate as determined by the amount IQD is actually trading for againt various other currencies leaves a surprisingly wide gap that begs the question of why the market is willing to pay so much more than it (the market) is being told the high-risk, speculative investment is worth.

If we take the email Mike Whims of the now-defunct Rare Buyer LLC sent to Solomon Foshko of Stratfor, which Wikileaks described as a “global intelligence firm” headquartered in Texas, it likely has something to do with a long-rumored revaluation of one or both of Iraq and Vietnam’s currencies.

Whims in a 2010 email to “responses@stratfor.com” that ultimately made its way to Foshko, who appears to have no prior connection to Whims and whose position reads “Global Intelligence,” wrote the following: 

Email subject: “STRATFOR Group Sales - Inquiry”

Email Body:

“Interested in foreign currency revaluations. My current interest lies with Iraq and Vietnam. Do you have any analysis that might help determine when a currency revaluation may occur such as what happened with the Kuwaiti dinar?”

The message made its way to Mr. Foshko, who replied with the following:

Mr. Whims, I have forwarded your question to our analysts. They may contact you. I did a search of current analysis available on our site, but did not find anything related to the Kuwaiti dinar. Regards, Solomon Foshko Global Intelligence STRATFOR T: 512.744.4089 F: 512.473.2260 Solomon.Foshko@stratfor.com

I reached out to both parties via email (this is New Year’s Day so I am reluctant to call until Monday) to request comment and additional information and clarification. Neither has replied as of this story being published. That said, I don’t expect either to reply on New Years Day, and will update this story with any replies should either or both respond to my inquiry.

Stratfor knew (or thought they knew) something regarding an IQD RV by 2011

Another Stratfor email exchange published to Wikileaks references a plan by the Iraqi government to remove three zeros from the currency, a plan which ultimately failed and for which the then-Iraqi government suffered heavy criticism.

Kamran Bokhari writes in an email to Stratfor analysts:

There is a plan to drop the three zeros off the current Iraqi Dinar as part of an effort to raise its value. So if someone has the old currency (the one printed after the fall of the Baathist regime in 2003) and turns it in will he/she get the same amount of dinars or will they get less as per the difference in value?

Bokhari was speaking of the plan by the Iraqi government as described by Albawaba as: “a plan to remove three zeros from the dinar, replacing current banknotes with new ones.“

The article touches upon the inherent difficulties and challenges faced by a nation the size of Iraq in a project of such a massive undertaking as a total currency revaluation.

According to Mazhar Mohammad Saleh, an expert in the Iraqi Central Bank, in a speech with the ALHAYAT of London, “our problem lies in the timing of the currency exchange, as we need to select a suitable time for implementing the project without obstacles.”

The Central Bank planned to remove three zeros from the Iraqi dinar, after suffering from inflation and the decline of the currency during the nineties, due to economic sanctions.

The following quote from the story is also noteworthy:

The most important change after deleting the zeros, is to reduce the number of banknotes in circulation, simplifying the payment system in Iraq.

In the second paragraph quoted, the article claims (accurately, IMHO) that the decline of the Iraqi Dinar is directly tied to economic sanctions stemming from Iraq’s invasion of Kuwait in 1990. Then in the final paragraph quoted, the article states that the most important step once “deleting the zeros” is to reduce the number of banknotes in circulation.

That last part is significant. If the United States Treasury does in fact hold untold trillions or even quadrillions of Iraqi Dinars from the initial postwar “currency swap,” and/or all of the USD auctions and USD cash pallets delivered to the Central Bank of Iraq, a number known to be at least $40 billion USD as of 2008, and that number has only increased in the 13 years since, although the US government has not revealed by how much or even how much IQD it holds period; then untold trillions could be removed from circulation just by the US exchanging their Dinars back for US Dollars and/or digital currency assets following a revaluation. Iraq could repossess those Dinars and have a giant bonfire with them, at least in theory. Then there are all of the American, Canadian, British and Australian currency speculators who hold IQD in their portfolios who would be looking to swap their suddenly valuable IQD for a currency they can use to buy and sell. While that number surely pales in comparison to the US Government’s holdings, it’s still likely nothing to scoff at, particularly in 2020 with Americans having nearly two decades of hearing about how the Iraqi Dinar would experience a rate change that would lead to windfall profits for American currency speculators. The Dinar is trading at 2.5 times its value (as defined by exchange rate) in US-based secondary marketplaces. One such marketplace where American consumers buy Iraqi Dinars is eBay. Compare those prices to the prices listed at Xe when you look up the formal exchange rate.

It’s been three decades since the economic sanctions that crippled the IQD were enacted and there seems to be a growing global consensus that it’s time to revisit the sanctions and review whether or nor they’re still appropriate and still serve a purpose that isn’t entirely punitively enacted against people, many of whom weren’t even alive when the events that provoked the enacting of the sanctions occurred.

To recap, we know that in 2011, Iraq did plan to at a bare minimum redenominate its currency. Some would argue that the 2011 plan constitutes a revaluation. Semantics aside, if the sanctions are what crashed the currency and have hindered it for three decades, if those sanctions are lifted simultaneously with a major rate change accompanied by Iraq repossessing hundreds of trillions of Dinars from citizens and countries across the globe and presumably removing them from circulation, there’s definitely an argument to be made that the concept of the “Iraq Dinar revaluation” is anything but a scam, and may not only be very real, but also very plausible despite the fact that elements within the media will tell anyone who will listen that Iraq’s situation with its currency bears no resemblance to the 1990-1991 Kuwaiti currency situation and that the same outcome is not possible in Iraq.

If it does finally happen in 2021, and there’s a lot of smoke that would seem to suggest that 2021 might be the year of the Dinar, the “Dinar Scam,” as it’s come to be known, will be remembered as all the people, publications and networks who for the better part of a decade have tried their best to convince anyone who will read or listen that investing in the Iraq Dinar is something only stupid people do, and that smart intellectuals like those in the media like to ridicule such simpletons while at their cocktail parties in their ivory towers.

It would be an end to the saga all too fitting considering that the same people calling the Dinar RV a scam are the world’s premiere pathological liars and have a proven track record of being among the most intellectually dishonest people in all of humanity.

[overdrivels]

@romancedeldiablo just reminded me the entire cybersecurity/information security industry is having the greatest field days ever since this whole Covid-19 triggered a mass work from home exodus.

I have so much to say about it and all the security issues that are occurring. This mostly pertains to the US. This isn’t meant to scare anyone, they’re just food for thought and a bit of explanation about my industry.

PSA: Not all hackers are bad, just a reminder. There are very legitimate reasons for hacking such as compliance and research. When I talk about hackers here, I’m talking about the bad ones who are exploiting without permission and for malicious reasons.

The main thing about this whole working from home thing is that most organizations don’t have the infrastructure to support their entire workforce. Not every company uses Google Drive or OneDrive or DropBox.

This means that companies with on-premise servers, isolated servers or networks are screwed. Imagine trying to connect to your friend’s computer who lives on the other side of the world and controlling their mouse. Can’t do it. Gotta download something on both ends to do it. Now imagine that for 500 people at home who are trying to connect to a single server. You’d need to open that server/network up to the internet. That has its own risks because without controlling WHO can access the server, you’re basically allowing anyone (hackers especially) to go in and take all your data.

But then you ask, “Isn’t that what passwords are for?” BITCH look at your own passwords. Do you really think 500 people will have passwords strong enough to withstand a rainbow table attack or that the server won’t shit itself when receiving 500 connections from unknown locations by means of a not-often used method? Hackers only need to exploit one password (for the most part) while the company needs to ensure ALL 500 are protected. That’s difficult as all hell and if it were that easy, I wouldn’t have a job.

Then there’s shit like Virtual Private Networks (VPNs) and RADIUS servers that’ll secure the network connection so it can’t be hijacked and do authentication respectively. Here’s the problem. VPN solutions need to be downloaded on the client system (your computer). When your organization has very technically illiterate people, that becomes a nightmare. ‘Cause you have to set up their accounts on the VPN system and set the permissions for each of them so they can only access what they’re allowed to access otherwise Bob from sales now has access to the HR system with everyone’s social security numbers. It’s very time consuming and can get very complicated. Even worse is that VPNs often require licenses. When you only have 50 licenses and suddenly 500 people want access, you’re screwed. But you can always purchase more licenses, no problem. Here’s the rub. Suddenly, this VPN tunnel needs to accept connections from 500 people. This tunnel is only strong enough to accept 50 concurrent sessions. When 10x that amount get on, guess what? The tunnel shits itself and basically the company has DoS’d itself. Now no one can get any work done until IT figures out how to get 500 people on a system that’s only capable of supporting 50.

Fuck, almost forgot about RADIUS. There’s DIAMETER, too, but shut up about it. It’s an authentication system but depending on how it’s set up, you’ll have to also set up the users. That’s an extra step and it’s a pain in the ass if RADIUS somehow isn’t connected to AD and the user has different passwords and shit.

Not to mention hackers suddenly gaining access to all this information because they’ve already infected people’s home computers and routers prior to the work from home stuff. There’s very limited way for IT to control what happens on a personal computer, so these personal computers can have no anti-virus or security software. This means all data is in danger because someone decided Windows Defender is annoying. (Windows Defender is pretty great, btw.)

Physical robberies are occurring a little more because there’s no one to protect the stores and such. Physical security is taking a hell of a beating.

There’s been an increase in phishing scams around COVID-19. Unemployment sites are probably being (and probably already have been) hacked and the data is being stolen. I think there were some people who were creating fake unemployment sites to steal PII. There are e-mails going out to people saying stuff like, “Your computer has been infected with the CORONAVIRUS. Click here to clean it up.” And you’re wondering, “What sort of morons…?” Don’t. It’s very easy to give in to your panic. Hackers don’t hack computers solely. They hack into human emotion, into the psyche. Anyone can fall for their shit.

The thing with Zoom? Basically they’re so insecure, people are hacking them without issue. How? Because people are silly and put out links, chat logs are saved onto insecure machines that have already been hacked, there are a bunch of exploits available for Zoom, etc.

Healthcare organizations. Oh boy. So, we all know healthcare organizations are working their damnedest to save people suffering from COVID-19. Every second counts and any delay in that process could mean life or death. They work hard. Here’s the thing. There has always been a delicate balance between security and usability. Too secure and it’ll make it difficult for the end user to do their job. Usable without security just makes it easier for an attacker to do their job. Why am I talking about this?

Healthcare organizations usually hold sensitive information. Health information. Social security numbers. Birth dates. Addresses. Insurance information. Family member information. So much stuff. They are a beautiful target for hackers because all that shit is right there and it’s accessible. Healthcare organizations, by and large, do not put a lot of emphasis on security. That’s changing a bit, but for the most part, the don’t care about security. They do the bare minimum because guess what? Every additional control can add time to a doctor or healthcare worker’s routine. Computer lockscreen every 5 minutes? Now the doctor has to re-logon every 5 minutes. This adds about 15 seconds to their rountine. Multiply that several times over for every patient that comes in assuming a doctor will need to log in at least 3 times during a single visit. That can clock in at at least an hour throughout the day. A hour that they could’ve spent doing something else. So imagine more controls. Password needs to be reset. Need to badge in. Log into this extra program to access this file. Call IT because this thing locked them out. Each one of these normal controls now feel insanely restrictive. The ease of use isn’t there and so organizations might look at reversing these security controls, potentially making things even less secure than before in the name of efficiency.

Don’t @ me about HIPAA. I will start rants about how non-prescriptive and ineffective it is to actually get proper security implemented.

LOL @ internet service providers. Internet speeds are dropping due to the amount of traffic they’re getting. Commercial internet really wasn’t prepared for this. Those poor bastards.

Some organizations outsource their IT teams. Those people (Managed Service Providers aka MSPs) are not prepared for this nonsense. It’s popular now to go after these guys for hacking. An MSP usually works for multiple organizations. So, why try going after 50 organizations individually when you have just one organization with poor security controls managing everything from one place? You’d logically go after the one rather than 50. It’s easier.

MSPs are now overworked because they also have to work from home to connect to systems that can’t support so many people connecting to it on personal computers that the MSP can’t log into like they normally would to fix any issues. This makes them tired. What happens when you’re tired? You make more mistakes. And that’s exactly what hackers go after. Once they’re in the MSP’s system, the hacker can now potentially gain access to the 50 clients’ systems. Easy win.

Shadow IT and alternate solutions. This is another doozy. Imagine all your files and shit are on your company’s network. No one is able to access it because there isn’t any VPN or remote sharing system or FTP server set up for this stuff, but you still need to do your job. So, what do you do? Obviously, you start making stuff on your own computer using whatever you’re comfortable with. Google Drive. Dropbox. Box. Slack. That shitty PDF reader you downloaded three years ago and didn’t update.

Now imagine sharing it through things like your personal e-mail which may or may not have been hacked without your knowledge. Or maybe the recipient’s been hacked without anyone’s knowledge. Maybe your files are normally encrypted if they’re on the company network. Now you’re off of it and nothing’s encrypted. Maybe you forget it delete a file or 80 off of your system which has been infected. Or maybe you pasted shit on pastebin or github and it’s available to the public because that’s just easier. Now anyone searching can find it. This is how database dumps are found sometimes and they’re really entertaining.

Shadow IT putting in alternate solutions without the company’s knowledge is always a fucking nightmare. I get that people need to do their jobs and want to do things a certain way, but can you not be selfish and put everyone at risk because you decided your way or the high way?

That sounds awfully familiar…it feels like a situation that we’re going through right now…hey, wait a minute…

Long story short, this whole working from home thing opens up a lot of security issues. Most companies are ill-equipped to handle IT issues, let alone cybersecurity/information security/IT security issues, but because of that, we’re seeing a lot of interesting things happening. Such as finding out New Jersey’s unemployment system runs on a 60+ year old programming language.

Holy shit I can talk about this all day. I’ve definitely glossed over a lot of stuff and oversimplified it. If anyone wants me to talk about any specific topic related to this or cybersecurity or information security in general, drop an ask. I’m always, always more than happy to talk about it.

[bluebellhairpin]

OOOHHHHHH!!! ASKY ASKY ABOUT YOUR WRITY: B D F K P

ANSWERY ANSWERY ABOUT MY WIRTY sorrynotsorry and jeeeesus is this hella long.

B: Any of your stories inspired by personal experience?

Yes, most definitely. 

I have a set of headcanons about a short person and Kurt Wagner (You can find that here), and also a one shot with Steve Rogers (Found here, and I actually put a number of personal experiences in the first parts of that one) - since I am very short and small by my family’s standards they relate to me well. 

There’s also a Avengers fic I wrote that involved Tim-Tams - an Australian icon, and I am Australian (Find that one here). 

I also did an Ahkmenrah imagine (here homies) about a museum curator - which is a job I would love to have. 

Also the fic ‘Something’s Not Right’ has a fair amount of personal meaning to me. My family has history of miscarriages (both recent and in the past) so around the time I wrote this two of my cousins had miscarriages. Plus I’ve lost a would-be younger brother to birth defects, so this fic can hit a bit closer to home for me. 

D: Is there a song or a playlist to associate with [insert fic]?

I always listen to music when I write. When I do Hobbit stuff I tend to listen to Soundtrack music, and when I write Batmom I have a special Spotify playlist for when I write her to get in the mood. 

I love music. So I listen to it all the time. I’m even listening to some now. 

F: Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

You’re making me choose One?  Why?

The following is from ‘Killer Queen - Part 2′ and man, I do like it. The Reader is speaking to Joker and how he always chooses to be dramatic and extravagant with how he acts and kills, and I just think that even though she’s speaking to Joker, Readers words could apply to a number of people to day - even if killing is replaced by something else. 

“No, I won’t! I’d rather die.” you said, stepping out of line slightly, only to have Harley roughly pull you back to your spot.

“You don’t have a choice!” Joker laughed, “But they all do! You’ve given me a wonderful idea!” he said, sweeping his arm over the crowd. “They can bid on who else can live! That way you won’t be so lonely in your cage.“

"We’re not for sale!” you said, turning the Joker back on you. His eyes turned wild, and in an instant he had you pulled out of Harley’s hold and closer to him, a knife right up to your neck.

“Speak again and I’ll make your dream of death come true.” he hissed.

“You kill because you’re a coward,” you started quietly, partly from fear, and partly because of the sharp slice of instant death being held right on your throat. “You crave chaos when it belongs to you, but fear order when it’s against you. You’re scared of the people of Gotham rebelling against you, and that’s what makes you a coward.” With your words came a flash of almost sanity, but it didn’t last long. But before he could speak, you spoke instead.

“That’s why you fear the Batman.” Instead of killing you for your accusation, Joker laughed.

“If I fear Batman, why am I here? He’s in this room, I know he is.” Beside you, Damian stiffened, only slightly, and only enough for you to notice.

And this next part is from ‘Plague’, and I like it because this is the moment Damian starts to view Batmom as his mom. For me it really shows how he can grow as a character. But what I like most is how today people can change and that no matter how bad things get there are always going to be people around to stand up and fight for what is right - even if there’s only a few of those people. 

“I’m sorry.” he whispered, resting his arm against the glass alongside hers. If the glass wasn’t there he would’ve taken her hand.

“What for Dami?” she asked, voice as quiet as his. Damian’s throat was tight. Dami.

He liked that.

“For not saving you.” he said after a while silent. “I was there. I should’ve been more vigilant.” She clenched her hand.

“You don’t need to be sorry. If it wasn’t me it could’ve been you, and I wouldn’t have been able to forgive myself for that.” she said, leaning away to cough. She recovered quickly, a hand on her chest. “I don’t blame you for this Damian. There are bad people in this world, and they do bad things. Good people - like you, your father, and your brothers - they’re what stops the bad from overrunning the good.”

K: What’s the angstiest idea you’ve ever come up with?

I’ve written a fic about Steve Rogers and the Hanahaki disease, and that was pretty sad. 

But then I also wrote one about Sherlock and the story behind the skull on the fireplace with has brought tears (Here). I like that one. 

And I wrote one about Pacific Rim’s Chuck Hansen (here it be) which is angsty because you know how it ends, you know it’s sad, you know they could die, but then you also don’t. I just love Chuck Hansen ok? 

Of course ‘Something’s Not Right’ is going to be mentioned again. But at least it ends in a more bittersweet way than the others. 

And then I have some on my backburner that are SUPER angsty - one of which you might not see for months because I have multiple parts of the fic to finish before I get to the most angst-filled part. 

P: Are you what George R. R. Martin would call an “architect” or a “gardener”? (How much do you plan in advance, versus letting the story unfold as you go?)

I am both. I have a rough I idea of what I want, and I know how I want it to end - but sometimes I start writing and it just changes. My mind moves faster than my hands, and if I don’t write down my exact idea quick enough then it changes or I move on. 

May a fics have ended in ways I hadn’t originally planned - or I’ve deleted them because I got too bored to keep writing them. 

Thanks for sending in the asks, this was fun! - Nemo

[cindylouwho-2]

RECENT NEWS, RESOURCES & STUDIES, early February 2020

Welcome to my latest summary of recent ecommerce news, resources & studies including search, analytics, content marketing, social media & Etsy! This covers articles I came across since the late January report, although some may be older than that. Report is a bit short because I was sick this last week; don’t worry, I used hand sanitizer before typing this up, so you are all safe 🤒

I am currently looking into setting up a new ecommerce business forum where we can discuss this sort of news, as well as any day-to-day issues we face. I need some good suggestions for a cheap or free forum space that has some editing tools, is fairly intuitive for inexperienced members, and is accessible. If you have any suggestions, please reply to this post, email me on my website, or send me a tweet. (I will put out a survey once we narrow this down to some good candidates, but if you have any other comments on what you want from such a forum, please include those too!)

As always, if you see any stories I might be interested in, please let me know!

TOP NEWS & ARTICLES 

Searchmetrics says Etsy did quite well [podcast & text] in the Google January Core Update, while both Amazon and Walmart lost a little bit. “Who won January? I’m going to say Etsy. Etsy has really done a tremendous job [with Google visibility] over the last two years. Sure, they’ve been on the winning side of the algorithm update, but consistently, being in that a position, from my experience, isn’t by chance.” Here’s more analysis listing the US winners and losers, including by subject category (sadly, not shopping sites). Marie Haynes says that the update likely targeted sites that aren’t properly disclosing affiliate links, as well as some pet health sites. 

Since a quarter of Americans have a disability, your website, your products & your marketing should be more accessible. Lots of good ideas in here! 

ETSY NEWS 

TOU alert: Etsy has banned the sale of spent bullet casings (often used as craft supplies). It’s not clear why. There is a thread from a seller whose listings were pulled here.

The 2020 wedding trends blog post is one of those pieces that is useful to sellers & buyers alike, and is also good for Etsy because it attracts outside articles and links. Some trend & keyword info of interest: ”there has been a 171% increase in searches on Etsy for bridesman items and a 72% increase in searches for best woman items”... “searches for ‘70s invitations increase 18% and searches for disco ball items increase 18%” ...”24% increase in searches for bridal jackets and a 4% increase in searches for women’s pantsuits” …”searches for reused, recycled, or reclaimed wedding items increasing 7%” in the last six months (compared to the same time the previous year).

Etsy released its annual diversity & inclusion report on January 29, getting some media coverage along the way, for example here, here and here.

Reverb hired David Mandelbrot as their new CEO; he most recently ran Indiegogo. (Etsy bought Reverb last year.)

The 4th quarter 2019 results will be out Feb. 26. I am currently planning on doing my usual summary thread in the forum. 

Decent overview of product photography for beginners, with some pointers on what Etsy wants you to do with photos. For example, “The recommended size for listing images is 2000px for the shortest side of the image, and a resolution of 72PPI.”

SEO: GOOGLE & OTHER SEARCH ENGINES 

So you know what Etsy tags are, but you get confused when people talk about tags for search engines? Read this beginners guide to SEO meta tags. (not needed for Etsy shops, but it is terminology used by some website builder sites, as well as coders of course.)

Data provider Jumpshot will be closing due to the controversies over the revelation that their parent company Avast (the anti-virus software) provided user activity to Jumpshot while perhaps not always fully disclosing this to the users. This will affect some SEO tools that relied on these click stats to generate estimates for traffic & search term use, Hitwise & Moz among them.  “In all likelihood, Avast took the action to protect its core business, as multiple articles, including from Consumer Reports, called out the company for its data collection practices, while some called for the uninstallation of the Avast software. This is probably as much PR damage control as it is driven by any principled position.”

Forbes appears to have been hit by some Google search issue, but it happened later than the Core Update, so no one is sure what is going on.They were previously penalized for selling links, but that was years ago.   

John Mueller listed all of the big Google search news from January in this almost 9 minute video. Click to see the detailed info under the video, because they helpfully summarized the important topics by timestamp, and linked to text resources as well. (Some of it is technical/coding relating; you have been warned!)

There may be another big Google ranking update happening right now (Feb. 9), as tracked by Search Engine Roundtable. Check that site over the next few days for any updates. 

CONTENT MARKETING & SOCIAL MEDIA (includes blogging & emails) 

The time you send your marketing emails matters, although it’s going to vary more than this article lets on. Keep track of your own stats. 

Debunking some myths about Instagram, including the importance of your follower count. “...your follower count isn’t the most important metric on Instagram. Your engagement rate is. Your engagement rate (which is found by calculating the number of engagements you receive divided by EITHER the number of people who saw it OR your total followers, depending on who you ask) is crucial.”

If you use the app Social Captain for Instagram, be aware that your Instagram password was publicly available in the source code. 

Facebook’s algorithm has a lot of different factors controlling who sees your posts, including actually having conversations with others, and including “quality, original videos.”

Facebook’s revenue was up 25% in the 4th quarter of 2019, to $21.1 billion, but they expect the privacy controversies to cut into growth this year.

Pinterest is testing an augmented reality tool called “Try On” that allows users to see what they will look like with specific lipstick colours. 

ONLINE ADVERTISING (SEARCH ENGINES, SOCIAL MEDIA, & OTHERS) 

Google Shopping Ads will soon be shown in Gmail accounts, YouTube and the Discover feed, starting March 4th. Note that “Retailers have been steadily shifty more of their search budgets from text to Shopping ads.”

A comparison of Google Ads vs. Facebook Ads, with plenty of tips. According to them, if you are seriously considering one, you should probably do both. “When we talk about Facebook, we’re also talking about Instagram, What’sApp, and Facebook Messenger. Google also includes YouTube, the second-most trafficked site in the world (behind Google itself).”

Google’s revenue was up 17% in the 4th quarter in 2019, almost all of it from advertising. YouTube makes more on ads than Amazon does. 

ECOMMERCE NEWS, IDEAS, TRENDS 

eBay released its 4th quarter results for 2019 on January 28, with revenue down 2% and gross merchandise value down 5%. Amazon’s sales were up 21% for the 4th quarter. 

BigCommerce now allows customers to check out in over 100 currencies, integrated with several different payment processors. 

Wondering what a good conversion rate would be for different ecommerce pages? Here’s a brief overview of the known stats, with some tips on improving.. (Note that any action can be counted as a conversion, including signing up for an email list, so this isn’t just about purchases.)

BUSINESS & CONSUMER STUDIES, STATS & REPORTS; SOCIOLOGY & PSYCHOLOGY, CUSTOMER SERVICE 

Are you marketing to Generation Z, or think you should be? Here are 52 facts (with the citations); some highlights: Gen Z has more members than millennials do, and “As of 2020, Gen Z makes up more than 40% of U.S. consumers.” and finally “When shopping online or in stores, 65% of Gen Z prefers to see as few items as possible out of stock” (that last one explains a feedback I received, I think LOL Kind of hard on Etsy when you might have a listing with multiple choices & you only have the one left.)

A study of Cyber Week email open & click rates shows that it might be better not to mention the holidays or discounts. 

This article warns consumers of the tricks ecommerce sites use to nudge people to buy more, including some clear examples of deception. “A study by Princeton University and the University of Chicago singled out online clothing seller Fashion Nova, which tells customers that items in their cart “are in high demand.” The problem? The message appears for any item that’s added to the cart. Fashion Nova’s cart also tells shoppers that their items are being “reserved” for 10 minutes. But nothing happens to the items after the 10 minutes are up.”

MISCELLANEOUS 

YouTube wants Clearview AI’s face recognition program to stop scraping its videos for content, and to delete anything it has already collected. (Twitter did the same last month.)

[all-about-ebikes]

Everything You Need To Know About Ebikes

Hoverboards, skateboards, scooters, motorcycles, mopeds, unicycles, tricycles, you name it, we've ridden it. But I'm here to tell you why I think electric bikes, in particular, are more than just a fun tech fad. I think they could actually be the future of transportation. But that said, there's a lot out there, and you don't wanna get fooled. So here's some stuff you need to know about e-bikes.  

Obviously, e-bikes are not new. They've been around for decades. And if you live in China or Europe, it's a good bet that e-bikes are already a way of life for you. In Europe, for example, e-bikes have long helped older adults maintain independence and are just now really blowing up with younger riders. But here in the U.S., e-bikes are still pretty niche. They only account for 4% of total bike sales. Compare that to more bike-friendly countries like the Netherlands where there are more e-bikes sold than regular bikes. Overall, experts predict that worldwide sales will hit $23.8 billion by 2025.  But Americans are slowly coming around. Sales of electric bikes in the U.S. have grown more than eight folds since 2014. It took a long time to get to this point. 

Now one of the first patents for an electric-bike was registered in 1895 by an inventor named Ogden Bolton. Now Bolton didn't actually end up making or selling any of his bikes, but amazingly some of the same design details can be found in e-bikes today. A rear hub motor with a battery centrally mounted on the frame. Now I know what you're thinking. What the hell is he talking about?  A rear hub motor, amps and volts. I don't wanna get ahead of myself. So let's talk about the basics before we get to why e-bikes are the future of transportation. 

 So generally speaking e-bikes are bicycles with a battery-powered assist that comes through when you pedal or in some cases use a throttle. Pushing on the pedal activates a small motor that gives you a boost. So when you're zipping up a hill or cruising over rough terrain, you don't have to break a sweat. Twisting a throttle does the same thing but without pedaling. 

There are two types of motors. There's the mid-drive which is located in the middle of the bike usually between the two pedals. And then there's the hub motor which is located in the center of either the front or the rear wheel. There are pros and cons to both types of motors. 

Hub drives have been around forever and tend to be cheaper and more versatile. They're really excellent motors for anyone needing a reliable e-bike for long, mostly flat commuting. Mid-drives are usually smaller and lighter and can allow for greater torque than hub drives making them well suited for hilly areas and off road use. Their center position on the bike also creates a more balanced ride. And changing a tire on a mid-drive bike is usually less of a pain in the ass. 

e-bikes for sale also tend to use different types of sensors to determine how best to dole out power. There are two types, torque sensors, and cadence sensors. Torque sensors regulate the motor based on how hard you're pushing the pedals, while cadence sensors work off of how fast you pedal. 

Good bikes use torque sensors while the low enders have cadence only, and a lot of bikes use both. I highly recommend testing out both types of motors before buying an e-bikes to see which is the best for you. Think about how you plan on using the bike. Commuting, off-roading, touring?  The better e-bikes brands usually match the appropriate motor placement with the type of bike they're selling. Most mountain bikes come with mid-range motors while the majority of commuter bikes sold in hill-less Amsterdam are hub-based. 

Now let's talk power. Manufacturers will often offer power ratings for a variety of reasons. Until recently power ratings were a way for bike companies to dance around Europe's strict importation laws which prohibited anything stronger than 250 watts. But now the continent allows the sale of bikes with way more powerful motors, which is good because it allows bikes to be seen as a viable alternative to cars. Still, power ratings can be pretty subjective, and you can probably get away with just ignoring them. 

To get a better idea of how much maximum power you'll actually feel, check to see if they list the volts and the amps. Multiply those two together to get the watt hours or the number of watts that can be delivered in an hour. This gives you a great sense of how much range you'll get. For example, Rad Power Bikes' excellent cargo bike the RadWagon has a battery pack that is 48 volts and 14 amp hours. 48 times 14 equals 672 watt hours. If you're thrifty with your energy usage, each mile you travel will cost you about 20 watt hours. Therefore, a 672 watt hour pack will get you about 34 miles of range.

 Alright, let's talk classes. There are three classes of e-bikes in the U.S. Class one is pedal assist with no throttle. Class two is throttle assisted but with a maximum speed of 20 miles per hour. In a class three, it's pedal-assist only, no throttle, but with a maximum speed of 28 miles per hour. In Europe they only have two classes. Class one, which is by far the most popular, has a maximum speed of 25 kilometers an hour with no helmet required. Class two is 1,000 watt plus motors capable of going 45 kilometer an hour, require a helmet and can't be ridden on bike paths. They're basically motorcycles. 

So where can you buy an e-bike? Well, your local bike store is honestly your best bet. You're gonna get a selection that's been curated by the owners, and the folks that work there are gonna have answers to all your burning questions. Amazon is obviously another place, but there are some pretty serious trade-offs that you have to consider. Your bike could arrive pretty banged up. And the companies that sell e-bikes on Amazon are a little bit ephemeral, here one day, gone the next. It's not just Amazon of course. 

A majority of the e-bikes sold in the U.S. are just cobbled together from off-the-shelf Chinese made parts that you can find in the catalog. And if that sounds easy, it's because it is. It helps explain why there are like a billion e-bikes companies on Kickstarter and Indiegogo trying to impress you with their flashy designs and futuristic tech. Many don't come with warranties or any customer support. And it's very likely that you're buying a Chinese model that's just been rebranded for Western marketing and sold at a markup. If you find an e-bike that you like, an interesting test is to search the bike's specs on Alibaba to see if something similar is being sold in Asia. It might even be cheaper. 

Alright, so I promised to explain why I think that e-bikes are the future of transportation. So here we go. First, it lowers the barrier to biking. So if you're someone who's older or you're stressed out about the strains of biking, it really lowers the barrier, and it's easier to justify getting on a bike and just ride. You're more likely to ditch your car or delete you Uber app if you know you're gonna get to where you wanna go without getting sweating and stressed out. And look, if you're worried about electric bikes taking all the fun out of cycling, well, you're wrong. A study of the cognitive and psychological effects of outdoor cycling actually found the same results for e-bikes and traditional bikes.

 Let's say climate change has got you down.  Electric bikes are way more sustainable than electric cars. They're gonna make our cities more livable, and they're gonna help clear up traffic congestion. So as our cities are becoming more congested, some companies are turning to e-bikes to make their deliveries. Domino's Pizza recently announced they're gonna be using Rad Power Bikes to make pizza deliveries in some cities. UPS is using electric cargo bikes. German delivery company DPD is gonna be using these really cute looking mini trucks that are actually e-bikes in disguise. E-bikes are changing the way that businesses are doing business. 

So the other day I was riding an e-bike to work, and a remarkable thing happened. Well, first, I wasn't killed, which, in a city as deadly for bikers as New York, is a minor miracle. But more importantly I got to the office super quick, much faster than if I had taken the subway, and I wasn't a sweaty, stressed out mess when I arrived. Here e-bikes are almost exclusively used by food deliver workers, and it got me thinking about how far behind the rest of the world the U.S. is when it comes to bikes. We see them more as recreation than as transportation. Something to be used in fair weather and not in the rain and the snow like the Dutch do. But come on, our U.S. women's team just beat them in the World Cup. Surely we can compete in the saddle as well. Our streets are designed for cars, and pedestrians and bikers are really just an afterthought. But e-bikes can open up a whole world, especially for people with different abilities. Look, they're not gonna solve everything, but I can guarantee that once you start riding, you're not going to wanna stop. Did we make that word up? Is that a real word, rideable? 

[youknowmymethods]

Content Creator Interview #2

In this week’s interview, fandom friends @lilsherlockian1975 and @mrsmcrieff talk about whether they found Sherlock hot or not at first sight, how publicly sharing their work changed their writing, and the hardest thing about writing smutfic (pun fully intended).

And for those who don’t know, today is Lillian’s Birthday, so m’dear, Many Happy Returns!!!!

Hey, so Lilsherlockian1975 and myself, MrsMCrieff, have decided to interview each other for Aine’s challenge. We’re going to try to answer each other’s questions but there is always the danger of us going massively off piste. Our conversations in the past have been eclectic and very wide-ranging not to mention M rated.

 Anyway, I thought we could start by saying how we came into the fandom and more than that writing in the fandom. Lil, do you want to start?

Lil: All right, my sister on another continent, here’s how it went: As I’ve explained about finding The Full House on Pinterest, let’s explore what came before that moment, then just after... I was working third shift at a hotel (I had to as Mr Lil and I didn’t really have any childcare options at the time, so we just worked opposite shifts). The hotel was in a very small town - we were never busy, some nights we sold maybe 2 rooms - I usually spent my time watching Netflix. After making my way through Doctor Who, Star Trek Next Gen, Voyager then (God help me) DS9, Farscape and Firefly, I’d finally run out of anything to watch. You’d be surprised how quickly you can burn through a series binge watching for 8 hours at a time (and getting paid for it!).

 Then… then I found Sherlock. Well, that changed things… a bit.

 “Good Lord, who is the Cumberstud chap and why won’t he have all the sex with me!?” was my first thought, my second was, “Maybe I have a chance with the dishy DI?” and third? “Oh… what fresh hell is this ‘Mycroft’? Yummy!” Then finally, “Ahh, did the casting director somehow read my diary? Creepy but… all right.” To my defense, it was late and I usually worked on very little sleep. Also, I’m a kinky bitch.

 I’d never been involved in a ‘fandom proper’, I suppose. That’s not to say that I wasn’t a fangirl. I am and always have been. I was hugely into the Kevin Smith movies, going as far as visiting the Quick Stop and RST Video in Lenardo, NJ, respectively, as well as The Secret Stash, in Red Bank. I was a comic book geek in my youth, Marvel mostly, but some DC as well.

 After reading The Full House, I desperately needed MORE Sherlock and luckily enough, there was more to be found.

 At first I was just reading, then I wrote and posted a couple of (horrible) fics and met this fellow writer named MrsMCrieff (I might have had a little ‘writing crush’ on you, Mrs!). We chatted on FF.net and struck up a friendship.

 So, for me, writing came before fandom. Mrs was doing some betaing for me, but I didn’t ask for help often; I hated bothering her all the time for the multitude of stories I was turning out. At some point around here, I got an elusive invite to AO3 from sherlockian87, bless her soul, because I kept trying to join and couldn’t get a blessed invitation. Also around this time, I had written a prompt and got a PM from MizJoely asking if she could fix some of my mistakes (she was very sweet about it, even though I totally flipped - half fangirling, half losing my shit because ‘Crap, I screwed up so bad, here was The MizJoely asking if she could edit out my mistakes!’) but she wasn’t being critical at all, of course, just helpful as I soon found out. Shortly after, now having formed a friendship with MIz, she suggested that I start a Tumblr blog. And that’s how it all started.

Yes, sorry… I, um, tend to be a tad loquacious. Writing out my answers doesn’t help one little bit.

 Okay, Mrs, right back atcha!

 Mrs: OK, shall I try to be more concise? I’ll probably fail as I’m terrible as writing short fics they always seem to end up spread over multiple chapters.

 I’m another one who had always been a fangirl, Doctor Who, Buffy, Twilight, vampire Diaries (yeah, I love my vampires) but I’d also been a Sherlock Holmes fan. I’d read all the books in my teens, watched the Basil Rathbone and Jeremy Brett adaptations and even stayed at the Sherlock Holmes hotel on Baker St so when a new series was advertised it was an easy sale.

 I was late to the cumberobsession though. I have to admit watching the first two series as they came out and I remember thinking I like them but it’s a shame Sherlock isn’t that hot. I know, I know, I’m embarrassed even as I write that.

 It all changed after watching season 3 and I blame the Sherlolly kiss 100%. I watched the series, DELETED the records!! And then realised I was spending a lot of time thinking about Sherlock and Benedict...that turned into looking him up online and from there it was a short step to reading Sherlolly fics on fanfic (I was already reading fics for other shipping obsessions). Anyway, it didn’t take long before Sherlolly took over all my other ships and Benedict was my number one hottie.

 As for writing, I hadn’t written anything fiction based since school and school was a long time ago...almost thirty years. But one day I was looking for a specific fic, I wanted to read about Sherlock and Molly having to share body heat and I just couldn’t find anything that satisfied me. I’m not sure why but in that moment I decided to write it myself and in half an hour I’d written Frozen...my first ever fic. It took another couple of hours to pluck up the courage to post it and I clearly remember feeling a bit sick and my hand shaking as I pressed the final button to post.

 Thankfully, I almost immediately started to receive positive reviews and feedback and it wasn’t long before I started to write more...the rest as they say is history. Lil got in touch soon after and it was fun chatting to another writer just starting out. We soon found we were not dissimilar in age and both had two sons and the friendship started there.

 We’ve been through quite a lot over the last few years Lil and written some fab stories. Wouldn’t you agree?

 (I should let on that we are now faffing about trying to find the original list of questions...we are trying to be professional).

 Ok Lil, so I’ve looked at Aine’s questions and they look really hard. Any preferences on which ones you want to answer :).

 Lil: I think a great follow up to that first one is this: How did posting your first story change your process of writing? So I’m shooting it back to you, Mrs, and you can send me that one or select a new one for me. Tag, you’re it!

 Mrs: I can tell you quite simply how it changed my process of writing...given that it was my first piece of writing in 30 years I was starting from scratch when it came to any process. One thing that I started with that’s held true for me ever since is that my stories are fully mapped out and written before I even start posting the first chapter. I will edit and make refinements but the bones of the story are there.

 I know lots of people post a chapter and then write the next chapter but that would put me under too much pressure. The downside is that if someone gives me a prompt they could be waiting months before they see it posted. The upside is if I’ve started posting a fic you will get the end of it as it’s already been written.

 There have only been two exceptions to this method: Sherlock Holmes, Vampire which I worked on over a year or so posting four chapters every so often as I wrote them...it was stressful. And the other is Never Have I Ever which was/is more of a collection of one shots woven together into a fic.

 How about you Lil? How did it change for you?

 Lil: So, I’d been writing little stories and whatnot for years and years but, having no idea that there was such a thing as ff.net or AO3, I had no place to put them. Writing was always a very, very distant dream of mine. I have loads of notebooks filled with stories, story ideas and my own personal ramblings (unfortunately, my Tumblr followers now have to read the ‘ramblings business’). I stopped for many years after my roommate/best friend since childhood found some of my writing in college that I’d carefully hidden under my bed. I came home to find her in my room, sat on the floor, on the phone with our Art History professor (whom she was sleeping with), as she read him my story and laughed hysterically at its awfulness.

 I was devastated and vowed never to write again.

 But that changed, of course. Those first maybe ten stories were just me letting my mind go and getting out what I wanted to say (aided by liberal amounts of wine). Since then, however, my ‘process’ has changed drastically. I don’t always write an outline (never for one shots, which I write often) but I generally do for long fics. If not, it’s easy for me to get lost and miss critical points. My writing has become more about ‘layering’ for lack of a better word.

 I found after those first few posted fics, that in going back and re-reading them I wanted to make changes. I didn’t re-edit them (because I’m lazy), but it made me realize that my writing required more time and proofing before posting; that first draft is just the start for me - a thin layer of primer paint on a canvas, if you will. I then read over it and add more details and more and more until I get the desired effect. Again, much like oil painting, I have to build things up, layer by layer. This works for me; I have no idea if it’s a proper method of writing. So, posting my first fic(s) helped me learn that I shouldn’t be so trigger happy about posting if the story wasn’t ready.

 Okay, Mrs, this one is geared specifically towards you. I don’t think anyone would argue with me about your supernatural ability to write ‘case fics’, so let me ask: Which do you prefer writing, case fics or fluffy smut-filled romps? And why?

 Mrs: Oh God, ask me something easy why don’t you. Both, I like writing both. I love the depth of a case fic, the idea, the research, plotting it out and working out the characters and detail but it’s so time consuming and I often write a bit, leave it, come back to it etc. etc. so a detailed case fic can take six months.

 Fluff on the other hand is less satisfying but quicker (my minds already in the gutter with an analogy).

 Woohoo I kept is fairly short for once. So, here’s one that’s good for you. I’m endlessly envious of how easily you make friends and how you know so many people in the fandom whereas I’m the introverted hermit. Which other authors are you friends with, and how have they help you become a better writer?

 Lil: Goodness! You make me sound like a social butterfly (Mr Lil calls me that all the time!). I like people, plain and simple. Other than you, I am close to MizJoely and Darnedchild, that’s no secret, so I’ll talk about them first (you included, because you’ve made me a better writer, I’m sure of it - have actual proof!)

 I cannot count the ways Miz has helped me improve my writing. She figuratively took me by the ear and said “okay, you don’t suck but do you even know what a comma is used for?” No, not those actual words, she was much kinder about it, but I got the hidden meaning and I needed it, trust me. She also challenges me and is not afraid to be honest with me when I’ve written something that isn’t good or perhaps doesn’t fit. I know I’ve improved since she started betaing for me, like a 1000%. And Child… When I volunteered to beta for the Big Bang Challenge, I had no idea what I was getting into, but man… she’d written and enormous fic. Good, amazing really, but it was longer than anything I’d ever worked on before. It scared the shit out of me but I really think it was exactly what I needed. Betaing someone else’s work can really make you see your own mistakes from a new perspective. I feel like I jumped ahead after working on the BBC with Child. As for you, MrsMCrieff, just the other day I had The Best compliment… someone actually thought I was British! Yes, that happened. I can only attribute that little feat to you, my friend. You’ve taught me when to add a ‘u’, when not to zed and about many different terms like pavement, taps, hob, loo, trousers (we really don’t say that here!). Not to mention the fact that most European men aren’t circumcised. Who knew?! It’s pretty common in the US.

 But that’s just a few. I cannot count the number of fandom friends who have helped me and all the ways that they’ve done so. That doesn’t mean I won’t try…

 There’s likingthistoomuch who always listens to my ideas and encouraged me to post my first Harry Potter fic. OhAine has been a true friend from the very beginning, always insightful and supportive. Mellovesall who is just too sweet for words and always helps with edits, no matter what’s going on in her life. Kendrapendragon who let me bounce ideas for my Mirror Has Two Faces AU off of her for like a whole day! the-sapphiresky who has helped me with this historical AU that may or may not ever see the light of day. Allthebellsinvenice who answered about a dozen questions (over two years!) for Dig Down Deep when I’d panic about some D/s situation I’d written myself into. o0katiekins0o who backs me up when I’m in the middle of a sensitive subject. I can always depend on her to help me when I’m afraid I’m crossing a line. Broomclosetkink, Lord help me! She’s pinch hit for me when I’ve written a fic for Miz or if I just need a good laugh. She’s the best. Sweets… it’s very hard to talk about sweet-sweet-escape. I still cannot even bring myself read her stories or the ones I wrote for her without breaking down, but no one was more supportive or kind to me than Sweets. I miss her so much.

 Then there’s all the love and support I received from everyone during The Fic That Shall Not Be Named debacle. That’s when I knew how much this fandom (well, this ship, really) had my back! I will never forget how much love and support I received. Bless you all!

 I’m forgetting people and I hate that. But I really do love all my fandom friends as if I see them and hang out with them every day. I mean that.

 Okay, Mrs, here’s one for you (I’m going back to the list for this one because I like it and I think it’s interesting): What’s the most difficult thing about writing characters of the opposite sex?

 Mrs: See, see I said you knew loads of people!

 As for your question that’s easy to answer...knowing what it feels like when they get aroused and orgasm. I’m more than happy being female but it would be kind of interesting just to be a guy for one day. It would improve my writing no end.

 On a wider note when it comes to writing characters I don’t think any of us made it easy on ourselves when we decided to try to write being a high functioning sociopathic genius. I think I can speak for most of us when I say he’s not the easiest person to try to write authentically. I just wish I had half his knowledge then I wouldn’t feel like such an idiot when I’m writing him.

 I gave my youngest son the option of any number between 1 and 40. He chose 7 so does writing energise or exhaust you?

 Lil: It absolutely energises me! I do get frustrated trying to find time to write, but actually writing does amazing things for my mental and physical self. I find that I’m much more productive around the house when I’m in the middle of a writing jag. I’ll sit and write for a while, then get up and pound out some chores (usually more quickly as to get back to my computer). Somehow, this works for me. Frankly, it’s probably got to do with my ADHD. I’m the kind of person who needs to do multiple things at once. I’m the same at work; I cannot just stand behind the registrar for 8 hours. I practically beg my managers for extra work, which they’re happy to give me.

 I have an original question for you, love: How does a bad review affect you?

 Mrs: I’ll be honest I don’t react well to a bad review but it does depend on whether I think it’s valid or not. You probably know each and every time I’ve had one because I will probably have sent you a screen shot and asked your opinion. Thankfully they have been few and far between, occasionally they have made me think...especially if I’m being accused of using a tired old trope and I’ve made the effort to up my game in future fics but often they are just being nasty for the sake of it.

 Writing is such a personal thing though, we give a piece of ourselves in each and every fic so it’s hard to not take criticism very personally.

 Same question to you Lil.

 Lil: Oh, I’m a giant baby about a bad review and have been known to take it very personally. At first I brood… like really hard, thinking on the entire thing much longer than necessary. I suppose it depends on the nature and tone, for the most part though. If it’s attacking and spiteful, I’ll attack right back but if it’s coming from a ‘goodish’ place, I do try to look at my writing a bit more objectively (I don’t always succeed). Anonymous bad reviews get to me the most. The fact that I cannot reply drives me up the wall!

 Okay, we’re wrapping this up (else we could go on forever!) Thanks so much and a big thanks to Aine for organizing this as well!

 Mrs & Lil

Next Week:

Posting on Friday 01 March it’s @ohaine ‘s turn (eek!) to interview @ashockinglackofsatin

[payformyass]

HOW DO I START SELLING NUDES?!?!

Hi everyone! I appreciate you all reading my blog and I hope I’ve helped answer at least a couple of questions regarding sex work that you might have had. I wanted to make another post to help some of you with the initial set up of selling nudes/camwork. In this post I’ll talk about some really cool platforms like patreon and fancentro. The basics of sexwork are the same as any sales/marketing career, as I’ve mentioned in other posts. It’s really about knowing your product, knowing your audience, and building a fan base. It’s WORK. Please don’t expect to make a lot of money without having a little bit of hustle. This is a growing industry, yes, and anyone is capable of growing profits but it takes skill, charisma, and sometimes— manipulation. The first step is creating your content. I feel most comfortable when I have a plethora of pics and videos to choose from (2000 and counting!!.) I’ve told you guys before that giving yourself a “thing” will do wonders for you. Give yourself something that helps you stand out. It’s a growing industry right? Why do I want to buy yours when I could buy hers, or hers, or hers? Think about it. Now you have content. Pick a platform. Fancentro is great for private snapchats and finstas. Basically, your subscribers make an account on fancentro, and they choose how many months they want to subscribe to your Snapchat (or finsta) and they make their payment directly through the website. Fancentro monitors who all has an active subscription, so you can add them or delete them once it expires. The subscriptions automatically renew every month, and you get paid after you make ... $200 I think? Don’t quote me on that. ;) Patreon is getting big this year since users like Belle Delphine have utilized it to sell nsfw content— so it’s gained some attention. Patreon is kind of the similar , where you have a number of different packages (tiers, as they’re called) available for different prices. as an example, I’ll use my own patreon: My sprout tier is $1. Patrons use this tier basically just to support me if they want to, they gain access to some of my selfies. My flower tier is $9 and my patrons will gain access to lewd photos, all covered, mostly sfw (safe for work) My garden tier is $45 and the patrons get access to nude photos and gifs And my meadow tier is $100 and along with receiving access to the other tiers as well, they have access to my google drive which is where all my porn/rated R videos are. You can really get creative with it. Belle Delphine’s patreon is pretty unique, I would check it out. I will say that in my experience, patreon is better for those who already have a bit of a fanbase already. ManyVids: This site is pretty simple, really good for those who are starting out, or only want to sell videos. It’s pretty hands-free, and doesn’t require a lot of every day work. This is a site that would’ve made a lot of my transactions pretty simple, but I chose to go the more manual route, which I will mention in a moment. ManyVids allows you put a price on individual videos, giving viewers a 1-2 second preview before deciding if they’d like to purchase. That’s it. Pretty easy. The hard but effective way.... I chose to do all my dirty work through Instagram. (Tip: DONT do this, use Twitter.) The way I would do this is by letting my followers know that I had content for sale, and telling them to DM me. I would create a little folder in my phone or laptop or in google drive full of pics and videos. Then I’d tell them “this bundle is $x, just send your payment through to my google wallet/PayPal/cashapp/Venmo and I’ll email you the content.” The reason this was effective is because Instagram is pretty easy to build an audience on. Hashtags tend to go a lot further than they do on twitter. However, this meant I was constantly checking my DMs, sending emails, writing messages— things another site could’ve been doing for me, it was exhausting. I was glued to my devices for hours on end. While this does have a nice payoff, my instagrams inevitably ended up getting shut down leaving me stranded in terms of business. I wouldn’t recommend trying to recreate this method. But if you do, look at someone like Honey Gold, who has a private Snapchat through fancentro that she advertises on Instagram. She posts lewd content, but not bad enough to get booted from the site. These are just a couple of sites you guys can use to get started. Marketing is a whole ‘nother ballgame and is something you’ll have to figure out by experimenting. If you’re aiming at a certain demographic, learn that demographic. If you’re using apps like Instagram, switch to a business account so that you can see where your followers are coming from, and what age they tend to be. Learn which of your hashtags are most successful in bringing in traffic. Marketing is all about trial and error, and while there are basic tips you can pick up to increase your business, your audience is going to be different from my audience, or the next person’s audience. The absolute most important thing to keep in mind, is that you are running a business. No matter what kind of business it is, a certain level of professionalism is expected. Always be professional, always be friendly and don’t be afraid to try and upsell someone on something. You would be surprised how many purchases I was able to close by being a little bit pushy- don’t overdo it. I strongly believe that you will get out what you put in. Invest in your business, the more time, money, and effort that you put in, you will likely get back. It takes time. This is a job, after all. As I’ve mentioned countless times and feel the need to stress once again, please do not expect to go into this field for quick easy cash, you will be disappointed. Be prepared to be stressed, be prepared to make no money for a while. Be prepared to make copious amounts of money for a few days, then none at all for weeks. The industry can be unpredictable. Word of advice, most paydays are Friday ;-)

[buckyhoneyno]

A Dumbasses Guide To Saving The World (Chapter 6)

Just two girls with stupid dumb luck

Read along as two girls are thrown into the supernatural world when they are mistaken for hunters and decided that they fake it till they make it.

Updating every Saturday because Saturdays are for the boys

Updating early because I just got to 1K followers and I love you all!!

Sam x reader

Dean x reader

masterlist

Chapter 6 \\ You’ve Got Mail \\

Finally, after a week of checking their PO box every afternoon, a beat-up box wrapped messily wrapped in duct tape arrived. Maddie grabbed it excitedly and speed home to show Charlotte once she got off work. Normally the girls had their boss keep them on identical schedules but every once and while they got put on different shifts. Today being one of those days where Maddie had the morning shift and Charlotte with the afternoon. There wasn’t much need for a bartender at 8 in the morning.

Maddie didn’t spare a glance over her shoulder when walking to their apartment, her excitement to read the journals distracted her. If she had she would have noticed the man walking towards her.

“I love seeing you smile like that,” The girl to her credit didn’t jump when she heard the voice. Turning slowly, she saw Daren walking towards her. His hands were in his pockets as he tried to seem innocent. The smile that was on her face before melted off into a glare. Her arm still had a hand shaped bruise on it from their encounter last week, though it was now a faded yellow.

“Awe don’t tell me your still mad about what happened at Smokey’s,” He said with what she was sure he thought was a cute smile. “I apologized for that, even said sorry to Charlotte for calling her a bitch.” The way he said the last part made it seem like he definitely still thought Charlotte was a bitch. 

“Surprisingly enough yes, I’m still mad,” She stated coldly before turning away, thoroughly done with talking to the man. She had never given him an inkling of hope that she wanted to even be friends with the man, she was only nice in the beginning because they were neighbors but apparently her kindness was coming back to bite her in the ass.

“Hey, come on,” Daren leaned forward as if he was going to reach a hand towards her. Snapping around her steely gaze stopped him.

“Don’t touch me.” She practically hissed out. “What do you not get about no meaning no,” with that out she stomped away quickly and walked into the apartment. Twisting the lock quickly she leaned against the door.

“fuckin creep,” she mumbled to herself before remembering what she had in her large bag.

Walking to the kitchen she took out the package and debated whether to wait for Charlotte to get home or open it now. Her impulse won out though as she ripped into the cardboard. Flipping open the sides she reached in and pulled out 3 worn journals and a piece of paper that had messy scrawl on it. Putting the journals down she picked up the paper, squinting at the messy writing.

Girls,

These three journals are everything you need to know about the basics. Read them, memorize them and live by them. You got my number if you come across something that’s not in the books. Don’t die out there.

-      Bobby

P.S.

Id suggest investing in a couple of guns before your next big hunt maybe a bag of salt too.

If she thought about it long enough she might say that Bobby actually liked the girls.

Putting down the letter she walked to her room to take out her contacts, she had an easier time reading with her glasses. Grabbing her laptop and blanket on her way out and snagging one of the journals on the way to the couch, she settled in for a long night of reading. 

It was closer to 6 when Charlotte pulled in hours later. She was tired and covered in beer after teaching one of the new girls to tap a keg. She didn’t take directions well and ended up soaking them both before Charlotte could stop the beer from spewing out. Walking inside she threw her keys in the bowl by the door, heading straight for her room without giving the other girl in the living room much attention. She had a one-track mind at the moment and was intent on showering before she had to talk to another human being. 

Maddie barely glanced up when the other girl came in, after seeing her stormy expression she chose to wait till she resurfaced from her room to tell her the good news. The sound of the shower meets her ears as she went back to reading. Her laptop was in her lap while the book sat open next to her. She made detailed notes on her computer so that if Bobby ever asked for the journals back they wouldn’t have to worry.

Another hour passed before Charlotte came into the living room. Her eyes zeroed in on the box on the table. Stopping in her tracks she turned back to Maddie who was sitting on the couch, her glasses sat perched on her nose as she stared at a book closely.

“Are those what I think they are,” She questioned excitedly.

“Yep,” Maddie said with a large smile. “And they’re awesome,”

Charlotte let out a little squeal as she grabbed one off the table. Opening it she flipped through the pages for a moment excitedly.

“How much have you read so far?” She asked after a few more pages were turned.

“So far I’ve gotten half way through the first one. I would be done by now but I’m taking notes on them so that if Bobby ever asks for them back we can have backups,” Maddie said proud of her self.

“Nice,” Charlotte said impressed. Turning to the coffee machine she started a pot, knowing she would not be going to bed early like she had planned on her drive home.   

The next few hours were spent reading and randomly getting the others attention when they read something interesting which happened to be every five minutes for them. Finally, around 1 in the morning the girls called it quits when Charlotte happened to fall asleep on her laptop almost deleting all her work.

The next two days followed the same routine till they had each read all three books cover to cover. Day three the girls finally decided it was time to get kitted out with gear. So that next time they decided to be hunters they wouldn’t be so low on resources.

Coming back from the shopping they now had an outrageously large bag of salt, a slightly less outrageous bag of rock salt, a two pack of machetes that were on sale at home depot and a set of pretty silver throwing knives that Charlotte had decided to splurge on even though she knew it was an unnecessary purchase. If they needed more stuff then they would buy it along the way. They didn’t have to worry about extra lighters or candles being that they had a surplus of both already. Hopefully they could survive with their basic kit.

There last stop had been at a gun shop where they filed paper work to have a concealed hand gun license. They weren’t sure if Hunters followed the law but they sure as hell wouldn’t be caught with out them. It was worryingly easy to get though and they were able to purchase the guns and ammo on the spot.

Maddie’s gun had a sleek black barrel with a dark wooden handle to give it a nice accent. It looked like old and new styles were melded together to make it.

Charlottes was a bit more out there though. It was a silver with gold accents. The handle was shelled by mother of pearl styles designs that swirled prettily. It was classy while still not being to in your face. 

“I can’t say I ever thought I would be a gun owner,” Charlotte stated as she placed it in her purse with the safety on. “Oh, if my mother could see me now,” she joked with a grin. Her family were as liberal as they came. Her mother who lived back home with the rest of her family was always adamant on the need for stricter gun control. The mind set was practically drilled into the blonde her whole life. 

“Your mom, ha. My dad would probably throw a party,” On the other end of the spectrum was Maddie’s family who enjoyed their hunting and right to bear arms. Though that little fact never stopped the two family’s from getting along. It was just something they didn’t completely agree on.

“I still don’t think I will use this though,” She said with a shrug before excitedly unrolling the soft material that held her knives. “Now these I can get down with,” her smile was creepily large as Maddie gave her a look.

“Careful Char, your crazies showing,”

“Oh, fuck off,” her words held no heat as she flipped the knives around in each hand.

“One day you’ll cut your finger off with one of those,” her reply was a middle finger in the air before she turned back to her new toys.

“I think we should go to the shooting range soon, get some practice in. Maybe get you to actually learn how to take care of a gun,”

“Ill go to the range with you if you come to a boxing lesson with me,” the blond bargained with a raised brow. They stared each other down before Maddie sighed.

“Deal,”

“Ooh we also need to make a first aid kit to put in the car, you know in case we get hurt,” Charlotte said as she started putting her knives away.

“Already a step ahead of you there,” Maddie said while going to retrieve the box she had been working on. Placing it on the table in front of the other girl with a proud look on her face.

Charlotte gave it a once over and nodded. “I like that you added pretty band aids and not those generic tan ones,”

“I think I’ll just leave it in my car, since I drive us everywhere anyways,” She stated earning her a thumbs up before Charlotte grabbed Jackie’s leash off the counter.

“I’m going to take Jax’s for a walk,”

“Have fun,” Maddie called as she settled into the couch to watch some TV, content to spend the rest of their day off vegging out on the couch. She didn’t realize then but this was one of the last days she would have for a while where she didn’t have anything to worry about.

Down the street Charlotte smiled at a passing couple, for once not checking over her shoulder every 5 feet. A luxury she would soon miss after the coming weeks.

Two wanna be hunters were about to be put to the test as something evil creeped into town, right under their noses.

to be continued

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Changing From WAV To FLAC

The Free Lossless Audio Codec (FLAC) is the most popular lossless format, making it a good selection if you want to retailer your music in lossless. You possibly can switch music files by converting them into the AAC format. Backing up Audio CDs is straightforward. Simply insert the disc, and FLAC to MP3 Converter will get hold of observe information from the Internet completely routinely. The instrument supports the Free DB music database, mechanically acquiring the artist, album and observe info from the Internet. Using the constructed-in editor, you possibly can simply delete fragment of a audio from file. After conversion, the fragments shall be faraway from the ensuing file. dtype ('float64', 'float32', 'int32', 'int16') - Audio knowledge might be transformed to the given data kind. First, I used the command-line flac utility to convert a first-generation 24-bit, forty four.1kHz WAV file to FLAC, Wav To flac converter mac free then created a take a look at directory where I might save the FLAC and the following second-technology wav to flac converter mac free file. Utilizing , it's easy to transform WAV recordsdata to quite a lot of other codecs.

I've been using file compression and music archiving software program because the in style music fireplace sale that came along with file-sharing websites like Napster in the mid-'90s. That phenomenon taught me an necessary lesson about the value of high-high quality music playback versus having enough music on a device to final by means of retirement. I found myself shopping for CDs despite the fact that I had the same album in a compressed digital format as a result of I knew the CD would sound higher. The know-how developments in audio converter software program now afford us the flexibility to extract excessive-quality audio from CDs or streaming companies, and duplicate these information and convert them to lossy formats, like MP3, to make the recordsdata smaller and playable on cellular gadgets. Since I simply started 'streaming' (as in just a few weeks back). As an experiment, I decided to record about 100 of my CD's in varied file formats together with wav., flac (Ranges zero,1,5,8), AAC and most just lately AIFF -one thing my pc (and positively my ears) don't like; there is a disturbing "part-y-ness" to the AIFF file download (dB poweramp and Foobar 2000 for playback) that's actually weird and un hi-fi like. Very unusual.

I exploit dBpoweramp to convert any FLAC, or different format information, to WAV. Its primarily a bit-for-bit format conversion & additionally carries over the metadata. You don't lose anything - SQ or bits - within the conversion process. It is actually quite simple when you realize that every one audio codecs fall into three major classes. Once you realize which category you need, all it's important to do is pick the format inside that category that best suits your wants.It is essential to grasp why totally different media formats are wanted for the web. For various reasons principally outside the scope of this text, totally different browsers assist totally different media codecs. Also, the world of media formats on the Internet has significantly suffered from patent legislation in lots of international locations together with the USA and EU nations. (The notes on patents in this article are provided as-is and without any warranty.) This article discusses the formats most relevant to the net, including help in browsers on both cellular and desktop.We have tested varied converters and found no two deliver the identical sounding audio. What we look for (and found) in numerous converters of DSD, WAV to FLAC were slight variations in how left and right balances adjustments, very slight collapsing of the stereo image, very slight part adjustments at sure frequencies. Granted, we do that for a residing and the kinds of changes we're searching for are very minor. They require exacting listening check and aren't probably perceived on first listening.Step 4: After choosing FLAC because the output format, click on Back" to go back to converter setup window. In case you've chosen the best output format, the Format" marked on the image would change into FLAC. Click on Convert" button at the backside of the window to start out changing. And before the conversion really begins, you'll be requested to set the directory for the output file first.In case you are downloading FLAC (or APE or WAV) files from unknown sources, together with , it's a good suggestion to check them with Audiochecker , which will try to determine the source materials. It may say, for instance, that a FLAC file was comprised of CDDA, ie an audio CD, which is likely to be tremendous. It could, nonetheless, be made from an MP3 file, which would not.I simply wish to congratulate you for the MediaHuman Audio Converter. Number of choices for audio high quality, file extension kind and a number of cpu core choice. And checkbox for adding to iTunes while changing. Genius. You saved me from hours of ready. Effectively done. Click Convert" button to start out converting. The free trial version of AudioConverter Studio can convert up to 10 files at once. Should you like the program, you can register it and take away all limitations.