#i mean... when has he ever looked SAD about veth leaving again?

[widonotts]

once i finally get all my thoughts on yeza and toxic positivity together in a cohesive and comprehensible manner it’s gonna be over for y’all

[omniscientwreck]

Let me combine both of your favorite things! I would love a little thing about Caduceus (in his infinite wisdom and questionable intelligence) trying to give either Essek or Caleb relationship advice that may or may not be actually helpful. Those two wizards are probably too much in their own heads to see what's right in front of them and could use a little nudge. Just imagine both of them going to Caduceus for advice on how they're attracted to the other and Caduceus just sitting there trying to fight to urge to facepalm.

Hello! Thank you for combining my two favourite things into this fic that took way too long but I'm quite pleased with! I hope you enjoy!

In which Caduceus has three conversations with two wizards fighting against a force bigger than either of them.

----------

The first of these conversations Caduceus had was expected. Gardening alongside Essek, teaching him how to sow beauty where destruction had laid waste had been therapeutic for both of them. Caduceus had never given up on the war criminal. It’s difficult to feel no sympathy for someone whose story was written across their face in blank but pleasant stares and a mask of platitudes.

The state he’d been in when they met him at the outpost had filled Caduceus with determination. He’d been as close to a wreck as they’d ever seen him and now kneeling alongside him and looking over to see a small self-satisfied smile as he observed the work they’d done, it feels like they’ve done something right. This second chance had been well earned and he has faith that Essek will continue to earn it for the rest of his days.

This Essek is determined to right wrongs, and he’s started with the garden. He pays careful attention to the plants, always asking if he’s unsure about the compatibility of certain species, and making sure to put them exactly where they tell him. When they work past the point when the sun disappears behind emerald leaves he takes off the gloves Jester had made him and digs his hands into the ground. It seems to bring him peace, it’s good that he’s found any.

Most of the time when they work it’s silent, creases pressed into Essek’s forehead. He sweats through the layers that serve to keep him safe from the heat overhead and always has to be cajoled into taking breaks or drinking water. It reminds him a bit of Yasha.

On the third day, when he’d nearly gone faint Caduceus has to intervene, “You don’t need to hurt yourself to repent you know.”

Essek takes great care to swallow and not choke on the water he’d been sipping, bad timing. The mask comes up again, “I don’t know what you mean.” he states flatly. He knows that Caduceus is smarter than that and it shows.

“Hurting yourself doesn’t change anything. It’s the creation of beauty here that tips your scales, not the destruction of yourself.”

He nods slowly, indigo eyes downcast. “I suppose you’re correct. I have much to atone for Caduceus. There is much work to be done before I will deserve any of the kindness you foist upon me.”

“Hey now, I decide who deserves my kindness. We all do.”

Essek nods again, running a dirt stained hand through his silver hair. It leaves streaks of dirt, Caduceus says nothing.

“It’s difficult to be made aware of your stark moral failings, to learn what it means to truly care for someone again. It’s difficult to care more than you expect and to know what is enough, if anything is.”

His eyes flick behind Caduceus, where he can hear Caleb explaining something to Luc and he understands more than Essek probably wants him to. “You’ll find enough.” Essek looks at him, eyes full of a delicate hope, easily shattered, “He’ll tell you when it’s enough.”

His eyes widen just slightly and a deep blush spreads across his face alongside a smile so small it’s like he doesn’t want to let himself accept the barrage of feelings it holds back. “If.” His voice is small but the weight is heavy in the tone.

Caduceus reaches a hand to cover one of his, “When. Remember, I see things the rest of you don’t.”

Essek smiles wryly at that, voice full of mirth, “Of course Mr. Clay the ever observing.”

They go in for dinner and Essek speaks up a little more, he’s a little more alive. The change is small, but Caduceus notices.

----------

The second conversation is less expected, completely unexpected if he’s being honest. Caleb arrives at the doorstep of the grove one evening around 8 months after they’d last seen each other. “Hallo friend, I hope I am not intruding.”

His smile is easier now, though still restrained by sadness. “Not at all Mr. Caleb you are always welcome here. There should be left overs from dinner, fix yourself a plate.”

Caleb allows himself to be ushered in and fussed over. He tells a few stories of the trial but Caduceus tries to steer away from that particular vein of conversation. It’s raw and it doesn’t look like he’s fully healed. There’s still one catch somewhere that he needs to loose himself from before the smile will be easy and free, before he can walk away from his past and toward the future.

“I am going to Aeor next.”

Ah.

When Caduceus doesn’t say anything he continues, voice laced with trepidation, “I am going to ask Essek to join me.” he wants Caduceus to convince him of something.

“Well, two wizards is better than one.” He eyes Caleb knowingly and the wizard squirms a bit under his gaze.

“It is just, a little strange isn’t it? The directions we are led in.” He trails off again, maybe he’s hoping for wisdom. Caduceus decides he can probably dispense something.

“You’ve never seemed like someone who wanted much to be herded into decisions to me.”

“It’s been a journey.”

Caduceus clears his dish and sets down a teapot, “It’s a journey you’re still on. One that might not have a definite end. Is it worth it to deny yourself happiness because you’re worried about whether you deserve it?”

That caught him a little off guard, copper hair shook a bit as he’d clearly gone a little further than Caleb was expecting. He likes to talk in metaphors so that he can hide from truths later, or at least pretend everything can have multiple meanings. It’s time for Caduceus to stop letting him twist words around in that expansive brain of his until the original meaning is obscured by hypotheticals.

“I cannot tell you what’s right Caleb, but if you came here for a reasonable perspective listen to the one I’m giving you.” He pours the tea and offers honey, “You will never know if you don’t go and I know you better than you think. You don’t like loose ends, not as long as there’s something to learn.”

He nods, staring into tea, they’re so similar and so stubborn that Caduceus can feel the loving annoyance usually directed at his siblings creeping in. “Caleb, stop punishing yourself for something that wasn’t your fault in the first place.” Caleb nearly interrupts but Caduceus keeps barrelling through, “Self-flagellation won’t get you anywhere, you’ll just end up with regrets and what ifs. Go explore Aeor, forget everything else for a bit. Do that thing the two of you do where you’re finishing each other’s sentences and nobody knows why you’re bothering to speak out loud because it’s obvious you’re thinking the same things.”

Caleb’s smile is smaller now, but lighter. “Ja mein Freunde, I think you will. Thank you for tolerating questions I don’t know how to ask out loud.”

Caduceus smiles back, “I think this will be good. If you need anything while you’re there don’t hesitate to reach out. Stock up on healing, you’ll need it.”

Caleb laughs at that and spends the night, before heading to Zadash the next morning, undoubtedly to clear out Pumat’s stock of healing potions.

----------

The third time this conversation is had it’s his fault. He doesn’t mean to start it, but honestly the situation is getting ridiculous and the sibling feelings Caduceus has to both the wizards are firmly cemented.

They decide to get everyone together maybe a year after the last conversation. It’s his first time seeing any of them since then and as soon as they’re all in the same room it’s like no time has passed at all. Essek had come to get him while Caleb gathered the rest at Beau and Yasha’s home in Rexxentrum. Jester wraps him in a crushing and loving hug, Beau gives him a punch that’s soft for her but still stings, Yasha offers clippings of flowers immediately, and Fjord’s hug is warm. Veth’s family is here and she looks happier than he’s ever seen her. Caleb greets him with the warmth that’s always burned behind eyes that hold less and less sorrow every time he sees him. He hopes they’ll drop it all together one day.

When they pop back into existence from the way Caleb and Essek look at each other Caduceus expects something to happen. He doesn’t know what exactly but they hold each other’s eyes in a profound way. There’s gravity to them and everyone can feel it, he’s getting tired of watching them fight it.

It seems so simple even though he doesn’t feel that kind of pull, to see where this is going. It’s feels like the days before a big storm, when everyone knows what’s coming and it’s getting a little ridiculous that you’re still waiting for lightning to strike.

Everyone else drinks, they cook and eat and tell stories. Caleb and Essek sit apart but spend the entire time stealing glances across the table when they don’t think the other is looking. Nearly always they catch each other.

Yasha plays on the bone harp, she’s gotten very good and Jester swings Veth around into a dance. Kingsley, three sheets to the wind, grabs Beau and whips her into a reluctant dance and her initial protests eventually bubble into laughter. Caleb sits beside Caduceus and Jester has switched to twirling a flustered Essek across the floor of the livingroom. It often turns to dancing with these people and he loves that they love it so much.

“As I recall you’re an excellent dancer Mr. Caleb, go cut in.”

He shakes his head, “Ah- I couldn’t. Yasha is playing and I don’t think you’re much of a dancer.” He looks over with a quirk of a brow.

“I’m sure Jester won’t mind a break.”

He coughs at that, “I ah-”

Caduceus shakes his head, “No, talking is done, this is getting ridiculous.” He puts a hand square on his back and guides Caleb to stand, “You two will weave circles of metaphor around each other until one of you drops. Go Caleb, follow gravity.”

He seems to understand, seems to accept Cadcueus’ words and as soon as he stands to full height, Essek is watching over Jester’s shoulder. She, thankfully, understands the same way Caduceus does and even sends a wink as she loudly proclaims, “Oh my gosh Essek I’m so tired, I think Caleb needs someone to dance with, go to him.” She extends her arm, releasing him, and his levitation doesn’t allow him to stumble at the abrupt change in momentum.

Essek and Caleb meet and Essek steps to the ground gracefully as Caleb holds his hand out and pulls him in.

Nobody says anything for fear of spooking the delicate peace that settles over both of them as they gently turn, but Yasha slows the music she’s playing a bit and a quiet celebration is shared in the eyes of the rest of the Nein.

Caduceus breathes a sigh of relief and Jester sits herself beside him, bringing an overly sweet juice she’d found on her travels for him to try. She tells him stories into the night, and the wizards never let each other’s hands go.

[princessamericachavez]

Fuck it. Today I get to be self-indulgent and tell you about the entire Fjorester Hallmark Christmas Fanfic that is way too long for me to write these days but I have entirely laid down in my head so instead I’m going to write about it as a bulletpoint fic.... sort of... you’ll get the grasp. Just strap along for the ride. 

(This is obvious and shamelessly based on Tis The Damn Season by Taylor Swift, you can fight me. I said it was self-indulgent)

Okay, so first of all, the group are all friends and knew each other all through college, right? 

Jester studied psychology (she’s an emotional healer, you know?) and especialices in art therapy. 

Fjord did a marine biology major with an acting minor, because deep down he’s a theater nerd but doesn’t dare admit it because he needs to want a “real” career, you know? Also, he paid for his studies with a full swimming team scholarship. 

I legit don’t know what everyone else studied —this is the kinda stuff I would figure out while actually writing the fic— so you get to fill those blanks! 

ANYWAY, basically during college Jester had this art teacher, Artagan, who she became weirdly friendly with (you sometimes become friends with your college teachers, they aren’t even that much older than you and half the time are just as tired)

So this art teacher is delighted by her, right? Keeps telling her how talented an artist she is and how she should definitely come with him to LA after this year is over. He’ll get her into a gallery! She’ll be famous and amazing! 

So Jester goes. And her heart aches. And maybe leaving her mama is so damn hard. And maybe, maybe, she doesn’t want to say goodbye to Fjord but she’s been in love with him for so so so long and he never seemed to see her in that way, so she can’t put her life on pause for him. She can’t. Even if the night before she leaves it looks like he’s trying to tell her something, to half confess something that he never quite does say out loud and her heart falls and she leaves. 

ANYWAY here is where our story begins. 

Jester comes back for christmas after six months away and she is EXCITED to be home! 

(maybe a little too much, maybe things aren’t going as great in LA as she expected) (and mayyyybe she’s a little nervous to see a certain someone but it’s ok)

Fjord picks her up at the airport. He knows her mama doesn’t like going out much and he really, really, really insists that it’s no big deal. His car is old and shitty and there was an incident once that made Jester start calling it “The Ball Eater” to Fjord’s endless dismay (and bemusement). 

Anyway the ride home is light hearted, they make small talk and laugh about old times and Jester talks so much about how amazing everything in LA is but Fjord can’t shake the feeling that something about her, despite her smile, seems sad. 

He also can’t help the desire to hold her hand, or kiss her, or at the very least confess how uselessly in love he’s been with her for years, but she’s only here for like four days because she needs to go back to LA for her big New Years gallery show that Artagan put together and he can’t ask much from her without getting in the way of her dreams, so he doesn’t. 

So they get home and Marion is as delightful as ever and Jester finds out that Fjord has been helping her fix some things around the house (oh so you’re a very handy man, Fjord! *wiggles eyebrows*) and he’s been buying her groceries because he knows Jester used to do it because Marion is always so busy performing at the Chateau (and doing other things for her fancier clients, but Fjord would rather not bring that subject up too often) and he just thought it would be important for someone to look after her from time to time. 

Jester has to choke back tears because she is so moved that he is so wonderful with her mama even when she’s gone. Her heart flutters and it’s terrifying. 

So Fjord leaves and Jester and her mama spend the whole afternoon together, catching up and baking cupcakes and watching christmas movies until Marion has to go to work.

Meanwhile, Fjord is trying to figure out what to do with himself and with Jester —nothing, he decides, he shouldn’t really say anything— and keeps pacing around his apartment to the endless bemusement of his roomate. 

Caduceus was MEANT to go home for the holidays, but there was some kind of change of plans with his family at the last minute (or so he says, he hasn’t been very forthcoming about it and Fjord suspects they might have had an argument or something or maybe Cad just decided not to go home, but how is he supposed to know? He never knew the first thing about families) so now Caduceus is here and for the first time in his life Fjord is not spending Christmas alone. 

Caduceus suggests honesty is the best course of action, that he should just tell Jester how he feels. Yeah. Right. 

Anywayyy

Jester gets together with the rest of her friends “The Nein” they call each other, though they have never been nine, just to mess with people who keep asking and getting weirder and weirder answers. They get some drinks. 

While Fjord is away getting drinks, Beau mentions what a shitty year she’s had and Jester’s brow furrows and Beau says it was just a lot of shit, you know? Vandran just up and leaving town, handing in his thesis (though his tutor, Mrs. Melora was delightful and supportive). She doesn’t mention how depressed Fjord was over Jester leaving, though, but she does say that the cherry on top was his fucking ex showing up again. 

“Avantika came back?!”

Jester’s chest twists with the painful memory of jealousy and anger and worry over how unhealthy the whole thing was and how sick and sleepless and exhausted and sad Fjord seemed though the entire relationship before he finally gathered the courage to break things up. 

Veth knows that, so she brushes it off with a quick “it’s fine, he told her to go fuck herself” and Jester feels maybe a little better —even though she totally has no right because she and Fjord aren’t a thing and he can do whatever he wants ok? she totally doesn’t care, totally. 

Still, maybe, on the way back home she asks if he’s okay and she’s so worried and hesitant and Fjord just melts and assures her he’s alright, that he already knew when Avantika came back that she was not what he wanted, that he deserved more... that he wanted more... and he’s so earnest and breathless that Jester thinks he might really be in love with someone else, then... it doesn’t occur to her that all he can think about is kissing her in that moment, parked outside her mama’s house. 

The porch’s front light turns on, the moment passes, they say goodbye. 

Fjord comes over on the 24th to hang out. Apparently, Caduceus is a little bit more homesick than he is willing to admit and decided to unload all of his Cain Instincts on Fjord. Jester is delighted by the idea of Cad secretly being a prankster, but she lets Fjord hide out with her and her mama as they decorate the house (Marion didn’t have time to before between shifts) and make cookies and watch movies. 

And it’s so easy, so sweet and comfortable, that Jester can’t help but feel like this is what life is meant to be, she can’t help but fantasize about what things could have been like... 

Fjord finally asks what’s wrong. She tries to dodge the question first, assuring him she’s alright, but Fjord has known Jester long enough to figure out that something is weighing on her and he insists that she can tell him anything. 

Jester finally breaks and admits LA isn’t everything she dreamed. It’s pretty great, sure, and she got a job as an art therapist in a nearby clinic and the gallery is going to be great and fun but she feels so lonely, she’s tried to make new friends but everyone is too busy or stuck on their own road to success to really get to know them, she misses the Nein, she misses her mama, she misses her home and Fjord. Besides, Artagan has been so busy with planing the gallery (and all of the other cool artists he has been collecting to showcase there and she didn’t know about before) and he’s just not as focused on being her artistic mentor has before. It’s just a lot. 

And Fjord listens and nods and assures her that she’s brilliant and amazing and she will be alright, but she can always come back home if she wants (god, he wishes she would return). 

instead, Jester says he should come to LA because they used to talk about this, about both going there and trying their luck as artists. “You are such an amazing actor, Fjord!” She insists but Fjord is too anxious. Dreams don’t pay the bills. He can’t just drop everything just to follow a dream... just to follow her. 

It gets quiet after that. 

On the way out, Marion overhears that Fjord is planing to spend christmas alone with Cad on their apartment and insists they should come over for diner instead. 

Jester is delighted! It’s usually just her and her mama (who usually has to leave early because she works christmas night at the hotel) but now Cad and Fjord can come too! And the others should too! Beau and Yasha are here alone too and Veth can bring Yeza and Luke and Caleb will definitely want to spend it here instead of the library right?

So the Nein end up all invited to Jester’s christmas party. 

Which, of course, means they HAVE to do a secret santa. 

Jester gets Caleb, so she enlists Veth and Beau to go shopping for his gift to make it extra especial. 

While they are out doing chores, Caleb texts Jester and asks if he could talk to her later that afternoon. She wonders out loud why that would be and Veth blurts out: “he’s probably finally gonna tell you he’s in love with you” 

And Jester would brush it off with a flirty joke if it wasn’t by the way Beau slaps the back of Veth’s head and tells her “you said you wouldn’t tell on him!” 

So Jester is shocked and confused and thrown off balance because she never even considered Caleb like that. Does Caleb like her? Is he in love with her? Is she supposed to know that? To like him back? Oh no, he’s going to tell her this afternoon isn’t he? 

And she has to give him a christmas gift for the secret santa!

Caos and overthinking ensue and finally Jester buys Caleb a big thick book he’d been eyeing for a while but that he’d deemed too expensive to get and a very long scarf with lots of tiny cats and there’s nothing romantic about it but she’s still worried about it. 

So, either way, Caleb and Jester meet up for a late coffee (Caleb is basically immune to caffeine at this point so it’s fine and Jester only drinks hot coco so it’s alright). 

And Jester jumps the gun, she goes on and on and on about how she had no idea and she’s so sorry and she’s not sure about how to feel with this but she doesn’t want to hurt Caleb because he’s such a good friend and she really does care about him a lot but-

Caleb cuts her off with a laugh. He already knew she’s not in love with him, which is why he never brought the subject up. He’s fine, he’s moved on. 

Oh?

Actually, he wanted to talk with her because he is seeing someone else (ESSEK) and he wanted to know if it would be alright to bring him over for christmas tomorrow. He thinks he’s ready to introduce them to his friends and a party seems like a good idea. 

Jester is delighted again and assures him he totally can come and not to worry about the extra space or work or food because Caduceus and Fjord promised to come help her prepare everything for the party. 

She grabs his hands and assures him with a bright smile that she’s incredibly happy for him and hopes this is the good kinda love that makes him feel warm and fuzzy and smile. And Caleb blushes and nods and mumbles that maybe it is. 

CUT TO: Fjord is totally accidentally watching this from outside the coffeeshop because he was out buying gifts too (for his secret friend, Beau, a dope set of weights... and for Jester, a tiny unicorn that he just saw and had to get for her because he knew it would make her so happy). 

Either way, as you can imagine, what Fjord sees is easily misunderstood. 

Cue: heartbreak. 

Which gets us to christmas morning filled with excitement and presents and hugs. 

Fjord and Caduceus come over to help the Lavorre women cook (Fjord feels a little responsible over turning their little yearly diner into a fully blown party because he mentioned they were spending it alone at home). 

And Fjord is sad. He isn’t angry, or rude, or jealous... okay, maybe a little jealous, but mostly he’s just heart-broken and Jester can tell something is off, but Fjord makes an effort to smile and pretend like everything is fine and –wow, whoever he is in love with (that person he said he now new he wanted) might have broken his heart and Jester is so confused and at a lost. 

Anyway, it’s Caduceus who finally has enough of the mopping around and pulls Fjord aside to figure out what’s wrong and Fjord just blurts everything out: Jester and the feelings and the almost kiss in his car and the hanging out and the stupid little unicorn he has back at home and now doesn’t dare give her and Jester holding Caleb’s hands and how stupid he feels and how he had no right to feel that way anyway...

Cad lets him ramble and in the end just sighs and puts a hand on his shoulder and says: you should give her the gift. Did you get it so she would love you? Did you get it to get something in return? 

No, Fjord says, he just wanted to make her happy. 

Well, it will still make her happy, right? Isn’t that what you want?

And Fjord nods despite the hurt and Cad thinks he is so clever because of course he knows that Jester is in love with Fjord and that Caleb has moved on but he figures his roommate needs to figure it out himself this time. 

And so, the party comes. 

They do the secret santa early, because everyone is too chaotic and excited to wait to figure out what gifts they will get and they all want their friends to see the awesome gifts they got them already. 

Fjord nearly bites through his cheek while he sees Jester give Caleb her secret santa gift. 

Yasha gives Jester a beautiful dress, dark but artistic, that everyone insists she must try on and model for them at once because the world really hates Fjord and wants to make him blush and squirm as much as possible over the girl of his dreams. 

Caduceus gets Fjord an amazing movie collection with all the western classics he loves and it’s probably one of the nicest gifts he’s ever gotten. 

The tiny unicorn weights like a fucking ton inside Fjord’s pocket through most of the night. He convinces himself that he can’t give it to Jester, it would be overstepping. If she loves someone else, he needs to respect that. 

And then Essek shows up, and Fjord understands many things at once, and he’s so stupid he wants to laugh and hit himself at the same time. 

And yeah, just because Jester isn’t in love with someone else it doesn’t mean that she will like him now... of course not... but he feels a little bit less like a terrible friend and person for wanting her to. 

He pulls her out to the porch with some dumb excuse and after a lot of awkward small talk he finally brings out the tiny unicorn. 

Jester is delighted. What? Why? When? And Fjord just tells her the truth, that he saw it and thought of her and how happy it would make her and he had to... 

So Jester kisses his cheek and he blushes furiously and just as the moment is about to die down Veth shouts from inside that someone hid a lot of mistletoe around the house and that she is not kissing any of her friends thank you very much. 

So the two of them look up just in time to see GUESS WHAT hanging over their heads. Because of course. 

Blushing. Awkwardness. I mean, we don’t have to if you don’t- I mean if you- I mean I do- Do you? Yeah. Wait. Really? I mean, do you want to? Y-yes! 

They kiss. 

And it’s quick and shy and not really a big romantic kiss, barely a peck between two friends terrified of fucking everything up. 

The night goes on and neither of them can stop thinking about it... but other than that, it’s just a fun party. 

Fjord doesn’t sleep much, he’s up early and pacing around the house until he decides he needs to try that again. Just once more. One more kiss. And maybe then... and, yes, she will leave, but maybe one more kiss wouldn’t be so terrible before that?

So Fjord runs. He runs over to her home, heart in his throat. 

He knocks on the door, rushed and breathless... and finds Marion looking sad. 

Jester got a call that very morning saying Artagan needed her ASAP back in LA because the gallery is apparently a mess and he needs her help to organize the big night. 

Fjord does his best to cheer Marion up but he also knows, he knows, how upset Jester must have been to lose the last few days home. 

Meanwhile, Jester is doing her best to help Artagan (after finding out her mentor might be an amazingly talented artist but a terrible event organizer) and basically runs herself thin, going crazy and barely sleeping for a couple days. 

Two days before the big exhibit everything is still a mess and it’s too much for her to handle alone... and then the Nein arrive. 

What are you doing here? What is going on? How are you here? 

And they just shrug and smile and say they missed her and ‘hey, do you need a little help with that?’ and before she knows it everyone is helping her up and putting together everything that’d been falling apart. 

Beau basically intimidates the catering service into actually delivering on time by reviewing their contract and finding how much money they could lose if they don’t. Yasha, turns out, has a fantastic eye for art and helps pick where and how each piece should be hanged. Veth goes nuts with the decoration, making it way fancier than anyone expected this little art show to be —she demands black tie for everyone who is coming, too. Caleb and Essek result amazing with lights and music and manage got connect the whole audio system by some sort of magical miracle because it hasn’t worked properly since the 8s. Caduceus and Fjord offer to serve drinks when the barman calls in sick. 

In the end, after a few hectic days, it all works out. 

Jester finds out from Beau that Fjord basically knocked on their doors as soon as he found out she had to come back and talked everyone into coming and drove all the way here in his cheap shitty Ball Eater car (it broke down halfway through and Fjord and Caleb had to fix it themselves which is also why it took them two whole days to get to LA). 

The night of the gallery everything is perfect and beautiful and Jester could cry because she has the best friends in the world —but, really, she could cry because she’s missed them so much and having them here with her has made LA seem like a true city of stars again. 

And so, she takes a moment in between smiling and shaking hands and posing for pictures with Artagan (who is sort of taking all the credit for their work but it’s alright because he’s already hooked her and two others up with a bunch of interested agents and it seems like he really just wants to help this small artists have their big break) and Jester steps outside to take some air. 

Fjord follows. 

And she starts to thank him, earnestly, for all his help and support and she has no idea how she could’ve done any of this without them —without him. She can’t believe he followed her all the way here (as if Fjord has done anything else since the day they met on their college’s induction day... he always follows her)

Fjord, a little coyly, says that he could pay her back by lending him a couch while he looks for a place... and that’s how Jester finds out Fjord’s moving to the city to try and pursue acting. 

“Job hunting wasn’t going too well either, so I figured I might as well give my dreams a chance... I would also really like to be closer to you,” he admits, in a moment of boldness. 

And Jester understands. Finally. She sees what she was too afraid of admitting to herself out of fear of heartbreak and disappointment. 

“I can lend you a couch,” she smiles, playfully, “but it will cost you... a movie, maybe diner later” 

And his eyes sparkle as he steps closer and says, “I think I can manage that” and he asks if he can kiss her, following a hunch, and she nods. 

Just as everyone shouts HAPPY NEW YEAR inside the building. 

THE END

ok that’s all, i cannot bring myself to actually write this multichapter, but I hope anyone who is still here after ALL THAT enjoyed the ride. 

Happy holidays!! 

[cadaceus]

C2E140

Hello, everyone, and welcome to my liveblogs/emotional breakdown over Campaign 2, Episode 140 of Critical Role. This was genuinely an emotional rollercoaster, and I feel so much and yet so empty at the same time? These are genuinely my longest liveblogs ever (I had a lot of emotional reactions and things to say!) so feel free to grab some snacks or water before diving into this one. Spoilers ahead, of course, so pretty please proceed with caution!

- I’m emotional thinking about this very possibly being the Mighty Nein’s last Initiative ever...

- THAT NEW LUCIEN MINI DFVGDHJKLD WHAT THE 

- Essek tied for first in Initiative let’s go babeyyyyy I’m so proud

- THE VISION OF ZUALA  😭 😭 I DON’T WANT TO DO THIS I’M SAD

- The Eyes get their turn??? Oh my god

- Ashley’s aggressive “don’t you fcking dare” when the eyes point at Beau me too, me too

- Whoaaa Caleb’s Glaive method was so interesting, I can’t believe that worked!

- STOP ATTACKING ESSEK SDFGHSJK IF HE GETS NINE EYES AND TURNS AGAINST THEM OR SOMETHING I WILL THROW A FIT

- “Veth keep your clothes on... I will cast Marine Layer” FJORD LMAOOO

- I will turn into the “leave Brittany alone” person but make it “leave Essek alone” WHY ARE YOU BEING MEAN TO HIM

- six attacks versus Veth... ruh roh raggy

- Yasha attacking Zuala makes me so saddd 

- NOOO Cad... idk why that is the one that made me tear up, but just the image of his family beckoning for him in this city of terror is making me emotional 😭

- “That’s my child’s mother...” LMAO TRAVIS

- I genuinely just copied their “shaking weights” motion in real life adhjkdlf let’s goooo Essek!! 

- VETH IS DOWN.... GOD THIS IS MAKING ME SO SAD DO NOT KILL VETH PLEASE

- “He’s gone... let him go...” oof okay that one hurt me

- Jester was so close to getting that Divine Intervention... that was almost so clutch aahhh

- why is fjord’s method of persuasion to molly just flirting with them LMAO okay king...

- “’Remember the fruit salad?’” Fjord/Travis looks so embarrassed, WHAT IS FRUIT SALAD SIR PLEASE SHARE WITH THE CLASS

- Essek actually succeeding on a Strength check to get Caleb free despite being a weak ass wizard, and then Caleb pressing his forehead against Essek’s in thanks... yes I’m soft I can’t do this, my emotions are kaput

- TWO NATURAL 20S AGAINST JESTER.....

- Jester being insta dead. I am not doing okay. Like literally about to start crying, I was not expecting it to happen that quickly or at all, she’s just so full of life and if Cad doesn’t save her.... I’m just so upset by this 😭

- One of the “Happy Thoughts” on Sam’s flask being “Luc all grown up” is so precious to me personally

- CAD BELOW 20 HP --> CAD GOING DOWN ---> CAD UP AGAIN WAS SUHC A EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER OH MY GOD

- Did Molly just scratch Lucien’s face??? Oh my god...  😭

- MATT YOU NEARLY MADE ME PANIC WITH THAT SENTENCE SFGDJKLD THAT WAS CRUEL I WAS ON THE VERGE OF TEARS ALREADY AND THAT ALMOST DID ME OVER

- Both clerics at 1 hit point.... everything is fine :) (scared version)

- CALEB WENT DOWN I AM NOT DOING WELL EVERYONE..... THIS IS SO FREAKING ROUGH 

- Jester clutch healer, not even joking, I’m so grateful for her

- I can’t believe that it’s been three hours with no break, I need to make a mug brownie to calm myself down, free us Matt Mercer (mostly /j)

- BEAU ROLLING TWO NATURAL 20S ON HER ATTACK WITH MOLLY’S BELT AROUND HER FISTS OH MY GOD POETIC CINEMA.... THE DICE GODS ARE REAL!!!!

- Essek using his eighth level spell on Lucien after he sees Caleb go down...... MY LOVE (also I wonder what he had been saving his eighth level for, since Matt said he was saving it?)

- WAIT IS CALEB DOWN OR IS HE LIKE DEAD

- okay. just got my answer. i am not doing fine.

- HOW DO YOU WANT TO DO THIS DSBJKDASL;KDSJKFDK JESTER YES JESTER YES..... OH MY GOD SHE DID IT I LOVE HER SO MUCH I’M SO EMO I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS

- Break? What do you mean BREAK? time to make that emotional support mug brownie though.....

- Caleb’s alive! He’s safe! Thank all of the gods!

- Yasha kissing each spot on Beau’s body where the eyes were... I love them so much.

- Uh oh, Caleb is going to try to revivify Lucien/Molly isn’t he? I know it... I know he is... but sometimes you have to let people go :(

- “Once you’re a member of the Mighty Nein, you’re in” oh no I’m going to cry then.... aahh

- Jester rolling a Natural 20 because she has such a good imagination is so fitting! I love her so dearly

- Beau’s appeal is going to get to me... I know it already.

- THAT NATURAL ONE HURT ME... I didn’t want Molly to come back (because sometimes it is time and they died saving the people they loved) but it still hurts, you know? To not get Molly back.

- ASHLEY;S VOICE BROKE ME... damn I was holding in my tears, but her voice when she said “there’s nothing else to do?” really got to me

- Molly being laid to rest at the Blooming Grove is so poetic, I love that

- Essek’s voice is going to get to me.... also Fjord’s “use your anger and let it fuel you” makes me think that he is speaking to his own younger self... GOD Fjord is going to make me cry

- When he said “Caleb Widogast, have you ever accepted defeat?” I was unironically waiting for a love confession

- WAIT NO WAY..... HOLY SHIT???

- DID CADUCEUS JUST ROLL A 2 PERCENT.... WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING 

- Marisha talking about the “emotional whiplash” no LITERALLY Ms Ray I understand you

- MOLLY IS BACK?????

- Matt turning to Taliesin and saying “Your eyes open for the first time in a long time” oh my god.......

- Empty. Love.

- Molly turning to Yasha and saying “Love” is so precious, I love and missed their friendship so so much

- I know I wasn’t sold on Molly coming back, but honestly this is very fitting and I love it a lot. It makes me so emotional, dear god... all of the Mighty Nein together for the first time literally ever. 😭

- “Long May He Reign” is trending on Twitter right now. I think you all know why.

- Wow, I genuinely didn’t cry this entire episode but the second is ended something in me just broke. I feel a bit speechless right now and my emotions are all over the place, but if you read all of these liveblogs please know that you are loved and valued more than you could possibly know. I love you, I love you, I love you; and is it Thursday yet? 

<3

[cora-vizsla]

Hypnotic (Taking Over Me)- Chapter 2

Pairing: Eventual Jedi!OC x Sith!Obi Wan

Word Count: 4.3K

Story Rating: E (18+)

Chapter Rating: T

Warning: Swearing. Threats of violence. Calm kidnapping. Mentions of sex in the past. 

A/N: I know I said I was going to post this like two days ago but life got in the way. I hope you enjoy either way. As always, if I missed any tags please let me know!

When they got closer to presumably their destination, Veth held out a blindfold. Zara raised one eyebrow at him and shook her head.

“I’m not wearing that. Your threat of killing my men is over so you have no leverage over me.”

“I have two lightsabers and you’re stuck in this ship with me.”

“If you swing them, we both die. Are you wanting to die?”

“Are you?”

Zara scowled and crossed her arms. Veth laughed at her which only soured her mood even more.

“Me not having leverage over you is exactly why I need you to wear this. You presumably have it planned that you figure out where you are and either get a message out or escape on your own. I do not want to harm you, but I will if I have to.”

“So, wear this for my own protection?”

“Precisely, darling.”

Zara did nothing short of barking out a cackle.

“I am a Jedi Knight. I do not fear you. You may have manipulated me into going with you to keep my clones safe but that does not mean I am easily fooled.”

“You don’t trust me.”

“Would you trust me if the roles were reversed?”

“Yes.”

Zara was taken back by his swift and solid answer.

“You’ve had many chances to fight me, yet you’d prefer to talk and negotiate. You don’t want to fight if you don’t have to. That is a trait we share.”

“Sith only want destruction.”

“That is what the Jedi teach.”

“That is the truth.”

“Give me one day, Zara Fross. Comply with me for that long then you can make your decision on if you’re going to fight back or not.”

“Why a day?”

“That’s how long it will take me to ensure that you are safe before you do something reckless like jumping off a cliff.”

She found herself biting back a laugh as she reached to snatch the blindfold. Veth made a disapproving noise in the back of his throat and motioned for her to turn. Zara grimaced but turned slightly, allowing her captor to place it over her eyes and tie it. She felt her face flush when he gently turned her and ensured her eyes were completely covered.

“I bet this is the easiest kidnapping you’ve ever conducted.”

“You are right, though you aren’t the first beautiful woman I’ve put a blindfold on. Now sit there like a good girl and we will be home soon enough.”

Shocked by his tone and words, Zara sat in silence instead of arguing. She told herself that it would never be home to her, just a temporary stop before she found her way back to the Jedi. She hoped that Anakin wasn’t causing too much trouble.

---

“THAT is why you sent her without me!? You knew that creep would follow her!”

“Calm down, Anakin.” Mace said for what felt like the hundredth time.

“How can I calm down? He TOOK her!”

“She is perfectly capable of taking care of herself. There was no indication that she was harmed. He let her leave a message for Commander Cody.”

“Where is Commander Cody? He should be punished for leaving her alone in the first place.”

“Anakin Skywalker. You better watch your tone when you’re speaking to the council. I understand you care for your friend, but you need to recognize that we need to put our trust in her and her capabilities. You’re bordering on insulting with how little you believe in her.”

“Master Windu, I can’t agree with not sending someone to find her. To save her. We have no idea what that creep is doing to her.”

“We also don’t know where she is. Once we get intel on her location, we will send someone to retrieve her. Until then, you have missions that you must accomplish. The war has not stopped, and you have not been relieved of any of your responsibilities.”

Anakin sighed and deflated. He nodded at Mace and ran his hands down his face.

“You’re right, Master. Just.. please keep me updated on her while I’m gone.”

Mace nodded at him and watched him leave. Yoda turned to him once the door shut and shook his head.

“Troubled, that boy is.”

“Yes. I know him and Zara are close, but he is so reckless.”

“No different, Zara would be.”

“No but she would have at least said those things to me in private instead of the entire counsel.”

Yoda chuckled and nodded, reaching over to pat Maces hand a few times. It was unspoken, but Master Windu was just as worried about his former Padawan as Anakin was, especially if the reports about Darth Veth were true.

---

Zara hated not having some semblance of control. It was why she preferred not to fight. No one could ever predict every move someone else would make. Words were easier for her to predict. So, stumbling through the snow without being able to see was not her idea of a good time.

“We’re almost there, darling.”

“I really wish you’d stop calling me that.”

“Would you prefer princess? Love? I’m sure I could find sweet pet names to find out in different languages if that is what you would enjoy.”

Zara stopped moving, turning to where she thought the man was and tried to glare.

“Fine. Stick with darling.”

He chuckled and gripped her arm a little tighter. He wasn’t hurting her, not that he even remotely wanted to. When she had stumbled a few times, he felt bad at how petrified she was at not being able to see. He had offered to carry her but that didn’t help the fear that was basically seeping from her pores.

When her teeth started chattering, he finally gave in and scooped her up. She gasped out of surprise and started to protest. She silenced when he shushed her and tentatively held onto him, afraid of being dropped.

“It’s quicker this way. Need to get you inside before you freeze to death.”

“Well, I wouldn’t run away would I.”

He chuckled and tightened his grip on her, picking up his pace. Within a few minutes he spotted their destination and got her inside. He deposited her gently on his couch and pulled the blindfold off.

“Get your boots off. You aren’t dressed for the cold and you don’t want to lose toes because of it.”

She hesitated, taking in her surroundings but eventually pulled them off, setting them neatly by her. Veth looked at her as he was taking off his heavy jacket and boots.

“You don’t need to sit there. You can explore.”

She stood warily, wincing at the feeling returning to her feet. She walked throughout the main living space and noticed how simple it was. She half expected a home more industrial and extravagant. It didn’t scream Sith Lord to her.

Making her way down the hallway, she looked into each room. She was surprised to see that there were two bedrooms and a fairly large refresher. The last room she came to actually intrigued her enough to walk in. Every wall was covered from floor to ceiling in books and holocrons.

“I figured this would be the room I’d find you in.”

Zara glanced over her shoulder and wrapped her arms around herself. Veth walked in and stood next to her.

“You are welcome to read anything in here. I would have brought some of the texts from our meeting spot but figured they’d just be another weapon for you to use against me.”

“I wouldn’t risk destroying history like that.”

“Then I trust you all the more in my personal library. I have placed warm clothes in the refresher. Take your time as this planet has no water restrictions or issues. I will be making some food to eat. Come find me when you are done.”

He went to walk out but Zara reached out and touched his arm lightly, recoiling as soon as she did.

“Why.. why am I here?”

“Are you asking that or asking why you aren’t shackled and bleeding?”

“I guess I’m asking both.”

“Go shower. I will answer all questions within reason when you are done.”

---

Zara stepped out of the shower and wiped at the mirror in front of her. She considered braiding her hair but with the cold she needed it to dry as soon as possible. She looked down at the counter and saw that there was a brush. With a shrug she picked it up and worked it through her hair.

It had gotten much longer than she usually let it grow. When she was younger, she kept it short to keep it out of her face but now it was down to her mid back. She ran her fingers across the short side she had cut and thought of Anakin. He had dared her to do it thinking she would care too much about her hair. She had laughed so hard when she saw the expression on his face when she cut the portion.

She wondered how Anakin was. It wasn’t abnormal not to talk to him for days at a time, but now she didn’t even have the capability to. He was her best friend and the idea of not seeing him again brought a pain to her chest she had never felt before.

Zara shook her head, trying to will away the negative thoughts. Instead, she focused on the bright color of her hair. It had been another dare of Anakin. He thought Mace would be furious with her but instead he had given her a soft smile and a nod, letting her know it fit her. Master Windu always wanted her to be herself in a way that fit the code. Her appearance didn’t matter as long as she lived the code and was proud of being a Jedi.

She looked down at the clothes and frown. They were most definitely the Sith’s robes. She considered putting her own back on, but he was right; it was cold. Once she was dressed in the black robes that were just slightly too big for her, she hung her towel up and went back out to the main living area.

“Ah, hello there. I hope your shower was enjoyable.”

She nodded, not having the energy to argue with him anymore. He motioned for the table that already had food waiting for her. She sat down gently and looked at the food.

“Stars, I know I’m not a great cook, but it isn’t enough to be sad over.”

When she didn’t look up at him, he sighed and sat next to her, digging into his own food. She eventually picked up her utensils and started eating. It was warm and well-seasoned, but it did little to improve her mood.

“Lord Veth, why am I here?”

He used his napkin to pat at his mouth before sitting back in his chair. It struck her as odd at how sophisticated he was, again. It went against everything that she had been taught about the Sith and how they lived their life.

“I promised you answers. I will give you as many as I can. Then you can be informed if you want to fight against your captivity or not.”

He took a drink of the wine in front of him before crossing on leg over the other.

“I first heard of you when you started your missions with the Skywalker boy.”

“You’ve called him Ani. Why?”

“I’ll get there, my dear. I was tasked with observing you and finding a way to get you away from him. You see, my Master desperately wants the boy. He has plans for him. He doesn’t think that he will stray from the Jedi as long as you are around him. You’re a rather calming presence for him just as much as he challenges you to come out of your shell.”

“He’s my best friend.”

Zara felt her chest tighten again at the thought of Anakin and the vulnerability she was showing.

“Without you around he can fulfill the role my Master expects of him. I was given the option to just kill you but the more I learned of you the more I saw how much of a waste that would be. You’re a strong Jedi and an even smarter woman. You care deeply for those around you regardless of it being a stretch in the code you swore yourself to.”

“That doesn’t explain how you know Anakin.”

“I was with Qui Gon when he found him.”

“You?”

He chuckled and nodded, brushing his hair back out of his face.

“Yes. I went by an entirely different name back then, but I was there.”

Zara furrowed her brow and tried to figure out who he possibly could be. She chewed on her bottom lip as she tried desperately to pull up the memory.

“Master Windu told me of a padawan Master Jinn had. He died though so he took on Anakin.”

“I did not die. I’m sure he thought I did with the fiery explosion. My Masters other apprentice found me barely clinging to life. The Jedi never even looked for me.”

“That’s.. terrible. I am so very sorry that they didn’t.. there had to have been a reason they didn’t-”

Zara sat up straighter when anger flashed across the man’s face. His eyes seemed even more dangerous and for the first time she didn’t feel safe around him. She stood up and he followed, backing her against the wall. He caged her in by placing his hands on each side of her head.

“Do not mistake my civility as us being friends, Jedi. I will treat you as my guest, but I will not have the betrayal they put me through excused or brushed off by anyone. Is that understood?”

“Y-yes.”

“Good girl.”

He stood up, taking his hands from the wall and tracing his finger across her jaw gently with a feral smile. She looked up at him trying to steel herself against him. She had almost let herself forget that he was a dangerous Sith keeping her captive.

“Why don’t you finish eating then we can talk more. Like I said earlier, there is much I wish to learn about you.”

---

Zara sat curled up on the end of the couch, trying to keep warm. Regardless of what she was wearing, she couldn’t seem to shake the cold. Her previous thoughts of hating the heat were coming back to haunt her. She jumped when she felt something rest against her shoulders until she saw the Sith was laying a thick blanket across her.

“Uh, thank you.”

“You’re very welcome, my dear.”

He sat down next to her, far enough away that they weren’t touching.

“It unfortunately gets very cold at night here.”

“Where are we, Hoth?”

“No, but a planet very similar.”

“Stars how do you deal with it?”

“I manage.”

She pulled the blanket tighter around herself and shivered.

“May I ask you what your name was before?”

“You may. However, for every question I answer you need to answer two of mine.”

“Two? How is that fair?”

“Who said anything about fair?”

She looked over at him and scowled at his sly grin. She turned so she was facing him more with her knees pulled up to her chest. He was already turned slightly to the side with his legs spread apart and his arm thrown over the back of the couch.

“Fine. What was your name.”

“Obi-Wan Kenobi.”

“Obi.. wow.”

“You know the name?”

“I do. Master Jinn spoke of you often while Anakin and I were training.”

He rolled his jaw before forcing the emotion to fall from his face. He was smiling again before she even could comprehend that he had been upset.

“What planet are you from?”

“Alderaan.”

“Good family?”

“The best. Wonderful parents. Well off. Supportive in my quest to become a Jedi.”

“Interesting. That explains your education and manners.”

She shrugged and smiled softly.

“Can I assume you’re from Coruscant?”

“No. I don’t really remember though I was very young when I went there. Thus, the accent.”

“Makes sense. The Jedi usually take in children at a young age.”

“You mean steal them.”

Not wanting to anger him more, she fell silent.

“Were you at the temple before Anakin?”

“Yes. Not very long though. Maybe a week or two if I remember correctly.”

“Then I just missed you it seems.”

She nodded and shivered again.

“What is the extent of your relationship with Skywalker?”

Her head shot up at that question. She looked him directly in his eyes and saw a cautious curiosity.

“I’ve told you. He’s my best friend.”

“It seems deeper than that. He was positively furious when I called you darling.”

“He’s.. protective. He had to leave his mother and I was the first person he truly connected to after that. Master Windu worried he was corrupting me but there were many times he kept me sane.”

“Explain more, please.”

She smirked and shook her head.

“You’re being awfully careful not to ask another question.”

“Trying to play by the rules, my dear.”

She chuckled and played with the edge of the blanket.

“I think maybe if there hadn’t been a code, we would have grown closer.”

“So, you turned him down.”

“Not necessarily. It’s not like we talked about it. We just knew it wasn’t what the Jedi would need from us. Have you ever been in love?”

“Yes.”

She decided not to press him more when his answer was clipped. She lowered her eyes and chewed on her bottom lip again.

“Do you love Anakin?”

“I.. I’ve never let myself love anyone. My destiny is to be a Jedi Master. I won’t let anything deter that.”

“Interesting. So, you don’t indulge in physical pleasure?”

She snorted and he raised his eyebrows in response.

“I’m not a prude. I just don’t let myself feel possessive or attached to them.”

“So, why not with Anakin then? You two are already close.”

She shrugged and laughed, her face feeling warm.

“Doesn’t really need to be thought about. It didn’t happen and won’t.”

“You’re rather open with me. Not what I expected considering who your Master was.”

“I would rather give you this information willingly in a way that I can benefit from it. Considering what the alternative is I think it’s safer that way.”

He chuckled and carded his hand through his hair again.

“You are wise beyond your years, darling. I do wonder why you were so willing to tell me about Anakin though. You know he is in danger.”

“Nothing that I told you is anything you couldn’t have found out just by watching us. You actually probably would have assumed there was more to it. I know the counsel did many times.”

Zara let out a yawn, trying to cover her face as she did. Veth chuckled and stood, motioning for her to lay down on the couch.

“There is a spare room, but it is much warmer out here. I’ll check on the fire throughout the night.”

She curled up and made sure the blanket was wrapped tightly around her. He added more wood to the fire and dusted his hands off as he stood up. He paused at the doorway and looked at the sleepy Jedi on his couch.

“Goodnight, Zara.”

“Goodnight, Lord Veth.”

“You can call me Obi Wan, if you’d prefer.”

“I thought we weren’t friends, Obi Wan?”

“You’re starting to grow on me a bit, darling.”

With a smirk he left, leaving her even more confused than the first time she met him. Zara was terrified of the situation she was in but knew she had to play his game. As she drifted to sleep, she worried about her best friend and what they could possibly want from him. She had to find a way to warn him and protect him.

“Zara. Zara dear, you need to wake up. Come on, sweetheart.”

She woke with a gasp and looked around, unaware of where she was. She jumped when she realized Obi Wan was kneeling by the couch with his hand on her shoulder. He looked worried; his hair still disheveled from sleeping.

“W-what? What is it?”

“You were crying out in your sleep. Gave me a terrible fright when I heard you. Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m f-fine. Sorry. Sorry for startling you.”

“What was wrong?”

“I just.. I have nightmares. I’m fine. I’ll be fine. Don’t let me keep you up.”

She sat up, pulling away from his touch. He stood and moved to the fire, tending to it like he had been doing it his entire life. She watched him as she worked on controlling her breathing. Although nightmares weren’t new to her, being woken by someone she didn’t know was. She felt ashamed and embarrassed that he had heard her crying.

“Tell me, darling, do the Jedi know of your nightmares?”

“It’s hard to find one of us who doesn’t have them. War never really leaves us.”

“You’re fighting against a droid army.”

“We don’t use droids to fight.”

Her voice was harsh and clipped, surprising Obi Wan. He walked to her, stopping only to kneel in front of her on the floor. She wrapped the blanket tighter around her and watched him with unease.

“You really do care about your clones, don’t you?”

“They’re people. Living breathing people. Their history or how they came to life doesn’t concern me. What concerns me is-“

“Stars, Zara, they’re just clones. More can be made.”

“You sound like Senator Palpatine. So high and mighty that you have no regard for life. Even now you play games with me, dangling the idea of my death over my head. You’re no better than a bored loth cat playing with a mouse.”

“Are you comparing yourself to a rodent?”

He smirked and it infuriated Zara. She snarled and tried to get up, wanting space between the two of them. Before she could even fully try, Obi Wans hands shot out and grabbed her thighs tightly, keeping her in place.

“No, Lord Veth, I am comparing you to a predator with absolutely no humanity. Your tricks will not work on me. You may have been a Jedi once, but it is clear as day that you are no longer harboring any shred of light in you. Go ahead and pretend that you’re civil and sophisticated while you keep me prisoner on this despot of a planet. It doesn’t matter how kind or human you pretend to be. You’re nothing short of a monster. You’ll never be able to hide the evil coursing through you when it burns so brightly through your eyes.”

Zara held back a wince as his grip tightened on her legs. The normal playfulness that he usually held on his face was long gone. The more she spoke, the angrier he became.

“There she is. There is the conceited Jedi I knew had to have been in there. I saved your life, little knight. I spared your men knowing that it would harm you to wipe them out. I let you stay awake and conscious of what was happening. I gave you my clothes to wear so you would be warm and let you know parts of me that I didn’t need to divulge. Without me, you would be dead along with your entire regiment.”

“How do I even know a single thing you’ve said to me is true? Sith lie.”

“Now you question my integrity? When have you discovered anything I have said to you is a lie?”

“It all has to be a lie! Why would anyone that follows the dark want Anakin? He is a good man. He is devoted to those he loves and the family he has created within the order. He would never fall to the dark side. He wouldn’t do that to them. He wouldn’t do that to-“

“To what? Or were you going to say to who? He wouldn’t do that to you. Is that what you were going to say? Hmm?”

When Zara fell silent Obi Wan laughed out darkly.

“My dear, pull the right strings and anyone could fall to the dark. He has a weakness, and it is you.”

“It’s not like that with me!”

“Does he know that? You see, I have been in love before and it didn’t matter how far away I ended up from her. It never went away. Even once I heard of her death, I still mourned her and the love we could have shared if I had just let myself fall.”

She shook her head quickly.

“He will do what our master’s ask of us. He will help win this war and-“

“Now who is the liar, Zara? I’ve heard some doozies coming from the lips of Jedi, but I have never heard someone so willing to lie when the truth is right in their face. The fall of Anakin Skywalker has already begun. Your absence, regardless of what is causing it, is going to make him desperate. He will do anything to either get you back or avenge you. Look me in the eyes and tell me that I’m wrong.”

Zara opened her mouth to argue but quickly shut it.

“That’s what I thought.”

He released her legs and stood, looking down at her with anger.

“Get some rest. Lack of sleep makes you ungrateful and it’s not a good look.”

Once he was in his room, punctuated by a slam of his door, Zara finally let her tears fall. She wanted to talk to Master Windu to get clarity. She needed to hear that Veth, Obi Wan, whoever he was, was wrong. Feeling hopeless and helpless wasn’t something she was accustomed to and it was tearing her to shreds.

[violet-t-9]

Check in on my (not very realistic) wish list for episode 141

 1. Blooming Grove Clay family reunion! Hugs and tears! Home-cooked meal and tea! Much needed relaxation and downtime after saving the world.

Ay that was a nice meal and a good night’s sleep.

2. Widogast’s Nascent Nein (9!) Sided Tower because Caleb still has a spell slot for that! So many cats and books. Also, rooms for Essek and Molly (9!). Bonus: seeing more rooms on the 8th floor of the tower?

Oof well thanks Trent now we don’t get to see the tower again, ever. I’m 100% sure that Essek will see his room during the Aeorian study fun times and Luc and Yeza will see their rooms in magical summer camp with professor Widogast though, so I’m happy.

3. Check in and visiting Allura to return her staff and Kima’s Holy Avenger (”hey we saved the world killed Lucien stopped the city Allura are you proud of us? You are? Tell us who is on the Tal’Dorei council.”)

They mentioned it, but they didn’t play it out, unfortunately. Alas, the members of the Tal’Dorei council shall forever remain a mystery.

4. Check in and visiting Yussa and Wensforth to apologize for their last visit to the Tidepeak Tower and using his emergency exit plan, but Yussa being too grateful to be saved from a screaming city hivemind to care.

Yep, thank you Caleb for remembering Yussa lol. Should have known that he would want to study the Happy Fun Ball... Wizards sharing knowledge, how nice! Also, Veth’s goodbye to Wensforth was very sweet.

5. Molly getting more and more of his memory back and slowly becoming his old flamboyant self.

I... wow I mean I guess Kingsley? This technically happened? He is going to become someone new, which is always exciting! He got a lot of... interesting memories back too. He is also interested in learning about Molly’s memory too, even though he is somebody else (and just as flamboyant).

6. Caleb says goodbye to Frumpkin and there is either a sweet farewell or Frumpkin just goes “nah fam I choose my wizard you can’t get rid of me”.

Aw Frumpkin didn’t feel ready to leave at first... :( The actual farewell was indeed short and sweet, I loved it. 

7. Beau and Yasha moments, conversations, fun times, shameless PDA, or potentially fade to black because they deserve it.

Camping outside at night, aw. Their moment after the Zeenoth trial was very touching as well! “Yes, my love?” and “my Expositor” lol how romantic they are. They are planning to settle down and explore Yasha’s past together! Their honeymoon little trip! Also, “I will have you and then some” was indeed hot.

8. Jester and Fjord being domestic, adorable and sharing kisses/conversations or potentially fade to black because they deserve it.

The sleep snuggle was soo cute and Jester’s love admission was adorable! Also the rain and double confession wow Fjord what a romantic man. Their conversation in Nicodranas was sooo cute guys. They planned boat trips!

9. Caleb and Essek have a long one-on-one conversation about their “it’s complicated” relationship and have some more physical contact (still reeling from the forehead touch last episode).

Caleb attempting to include Essek in the globe of invulnerability and Essek dragging Caleb away from melee combat aw. The kiss on the cheek and the empathetic hug... I will take the time travel conversation as well. 

10. Veth, Yeza and Luc’s joyful/tearful family reunion and happy fun times in which Veth and Yeza may or may not celebrate in private.

Aw that was a nice reunion, so very cute. Veth gets to fully return home to her family after saying goodbye! I’m going to assume that she celebrates her return with Yeza in private. 

11. Cad’s moments with his family and also with Molly (because it’s fun to watch them on screen together and conversing let’s be real).

Caduceus gets to be with his family now, enjoying life at the blooming grove! He deserves the relaxation!

12. Jester’s reunion with her mother with big hugs and finding out that parent trap TM has succeeded thanks to her genius plans. Also, the gentleman being a super awkward but loving dad.

Yes I knew it would work! The gentleman is a nervous drinker confirmed lol. The mother-daughter talk was very nice and a great reminder!

13. The Mighty Nein plans for the future: getting rid of Cloven Crystal, Fjord visiting Vandran (with Jester probably, who discusses Tusk Love with him) and maybe Sabian? Yasha’s plan to bring flower to Zuala (trip with Beau?). Beau’s plans regarding Zeenoth’s trial (has that happend yet? Does she want to go?) and Caleb’s plans for the assembly (or even further ahead, magical school? Aeorian research with Kryn Colleague? How pissed is Ludinus Da’leth?)

Well, the empire siblings sure started a task force against the assembly huh. Also yeah Caleb you tell him, F**k your vacancy Martinet Ludinus Da’leth! Professor Caleb will teach Luc. Astrid would be more interested in the position anyways. Fjord got to visit Vandran with Jester and got him to join their sailing adventures! Jester also talks about Tusk Love with him wow. Beau testified against Zeenoth with Yasha by her side! Yasha gave flowers to Zuala on a trip with Beau! Caleb and Essek got to do their Aeorian research study! Fjord’s cloven crystal adventure was also addressed! I’m so good at predictions you guys I KID YOU NOT I predicted everything.

14. Getting an update about Astrid and Eadwulf to find out that they are in fact doing fine because Trent is in deep trouble and under heavy investigation by the Augen Trust and Cobalt Soul (bonus: Trent is already starting to get what he deserves. Or even better, Trent has died from liver failure in jail. Like his jaundice really kept getting worse so one can hope I guess?)

F**k you Trent, you just had to show up and ruin everything didn’t you. Well, Astrid and Eadwulf are fne now, and Trent IS in deep trouble and rotting in jail. Still hoping that he will die from liver failure after like, a few years.

15. Fjord officially “meeting the parents” and Gentleman/Marion giving Fjord the shovel talk because that didn’t happen last time.

Aw he didn’t go with! But the gentleman did talk about Fjord anyways lol and gave her some sound advice.

16. Wedding mentions/discussions? Proposals? Anyone? No?

Well Jester proposed to marry... her parents? Lol did not see that one coming. Veth and Yeza renewing vows yes! It was a nice suggestion. 

17. Artagan/sprinkle joins in the celebration because why not (bonus: Sprinkle gets to be free! Or whatever an undead weasel could be lmao)

Artagan and Jester’s conversation was very nice development for them. Sprinkle gets to stay forever, unfortunately for Sprinkle lol.

18. Obligatory wish for Essek’s fancy dunamancy or magical items (like I know we will never see dark star probably but I live for spell casting flavours).

Essek’s hold person on Trent was clutch, “stay down”, what a king. The tether essence, lightning bolt and gravity sinkhole were all wonderful. Still sad about the dark star never being seen though.

19. Obligatory wish for the polymorph spell (look, I just love it okay).

Hey, Jester threatened Astrid with it! Polymorph mention wins! Fjord was sad about the potential choice of turning her into a turtle but it would have been funny.

20. Obligatory wish for Caleb to use more fire/customized/dunamantic spells creatively or with nice flair (what’s sexier than wizards NOTHING).

What’s sexier than counterspells and dispel magic NOTHING. Also hey, the manacles of stasis worked!

21. Discussion about Essek’s future because oh boy can he even go back to the Dynasty? Have they found him out yet? If they did, how mad is the Bright Queen? Are Volstruckers too busy to chase him down? We need to know!

Oh man I mean Essek found a way to live freely at least! With a lot of illusions and identities, of course. He also got to stay in contact with the M9! I think he may show up in campaign 3!

22. Group hug! Group feast! Group cheer! I dunno, just do group stuff. They are the Mighty Nein, they are the Mighty Nine, they saved the world!

A lot of group hugs and feasts! I especially loved the hug when they said goodbye to Essek. 

23. Visiting/checking in with other NPCs or allies potentially! Like Kiri, Calianna, Twiggy, Keg, Shakasta, Bryce, Dagen oh also the Hag (I’m kidding).

They checked in with Orly! Not these allies but you know, Orly is awesome. 

24. Obligatory wish for everyone (the Nein, their friends/families) to get a happy ending that gives me a feeling of satisfaction and fulfillment, and that the episode/campaign ends with a poetically beautiful scene!

Yes, it was a very poetic and very beautiful story indeed

I love the Mighty Nein/Nine, I love the cast. I’m so grateful for their story in my life. Words are not enough to describe my thankfulness for being able to go on this journey with them.

Now excuse me I just need to go sob in a corner.

My score: 19/24

Seriously though check out #13 I’m proud of that one

Other Highlights: 

Caleb hit 100 HP OMG I too am proud of him.

Well I didn’t expect the boss fight but I’m glad we are getting one? 

Caleb’s produce flame was used by Veth on Fluffernutter, nice!

The Veth + Beau putting collar combo was the coolest thing I’ve ever seen, also there is something poetic about Caleb relying entirely on his friends and Astrid to carry out the collar tactic on Trent.

The forced empathy commands by Cad lmao wow angry Cad is scary, too bad Trent didn’t have any.

Veth’s silent image... Caleb disintegrating and burning everything in the T-dock... Caleb’s book for his parents... Professor Widogast... Excuse me I’m going to cry now.

[sadwizardgirl]

My Campaign 2 Thoughts

Alrighty folks. We're here. We made it. I’m running on like, 3 hours of sleep and my coffee hasn't kicked in yet so bear with me if I ramble/don't make sense. I’ll take things by character I think? 

Once I finally typed everything I wanted out, I decided to put a keep reading thing. Its a long one I’m so sorry haha. But yeah, click on it if you want to hear someone’s tired ramblings about how much they love the Mighty Nein. Obviously spoilers below... <3

One last thing - I want to say thank you to everyone who I have interacted on here with. I would have never, ever thought that I would live blog Critical Role when I started watching it. And because I have, it makes me happy that I’ve found lots of nice Critters like me to follow, like, reblog, laugh and cry with all at the same time. You guys are really cool, so thanks for letting me be a small part of it all <3 

Molly/Kingsley - 

I’m honestly not fully shocked that we didn’t get Molly back after all that. I think Tal has said that Molly is gone and will stay gone. Maybe this is how Molly was when he first woke up, but we obviously didn’t see that part, and neither did Yasha. So honestly, the only people to know would be the people down at the circus. I’m personally okay with the differences in Kingsley and Molly but I like that Kingsley wanted to call Molly his brother at least and learn about him later on. Remember when Molly said he didn't want to learn who his previous self/selves were? The pirate life for Kingsley is --- interesting haha. I’m not hating it, I can definitely see a Jack Sparrow kind of vibe. I just didn't think Tal would go for a pirate type life for him. Thats all :) 

Cad - 

I’m also not surprised at what Cad chose either. It was interesting to see his whole EMPATHY routine with Trent. Thats been a side of Cad no one has seen. I know I’ve seen some people say that they were sad that after all this adventuring, that Cad would just chose to live at the Blooming Grove and never leave again. But didn't Tal say that Cad would take walks out of there and explore for segments of time? Like 6 months, then a year, then a couple years. I could have sworn he said that and that he would go visit his friends in those spans too. But I could have totally imagined it/took it that way. 

Veth- 

This totally makes sense. I was sad to see her go before the whole Trent thing, I would have loved to see her stand by Calebs side during it but I get it, She missed her family and they would see each other again anyway. I 100% would love if the M9 had a summer camp. Like, I’m just saying. That needs to be a one shot. I don't have much else to say other than I’m glad that this is the ending for Veth and nothing else. 

Yasha- 

Again, I’m super happy with this one. It makes sense that she would want to go see her wife and the whole Stormlord thing???? Fucking awesome. I’m glad that Yasha has finally found peace and love with someone and is content. Thats all I want for Yasha. I’m glad that Kingsley seeks her out to find out about Molly too. 

Beau - 

WOW. Okay. So not only does she help take down Trent but also her dad stuff? Fucking great! I’m so glad that Beau has gotten to this point in her life. Not only has she brought down corrupt people, but also learned to love throughout everything she's been through. I’m sorry, I with my tired brain can think of more good things but I’m just super happy about this. 

Fjord -

For some reason, Fjord’s ending made me cry. I don't know if its because its been awhile since we’ve gotten true Fjord lore stuff where Travis absolutely NAILS the roleplaying or what. But literally as soon as he raised his hand to say hi to Vandran, I started crying. He’s been looking for answers for so long and he finally got them. I think its very on brand that he just sailed out willy nilly knowing what happens but at least Matt was merciful haha. I think That plus his love for Jester and suggesting they find a place was so very sweet and totally them. I’m sort of glad that he left his ending so vague. Because imagine the sea one shots we can have with Fjord going to Darktow or finding Sabien once and for all etc. 

Jester - 

I’m --- I’m torn with Jester. I’m glad that Jester wants to travel more and see the world still and thats what she's doing with Fjord. I think I’m more of torn just because I’m so used to Jester being SO over the top with everything she does (in a good way) but then I guess that means she's maturing and growing up. I’m glad that she left her ending vague as well for the same reasons as Fjord. SIDENOTE: It’ll be interesting to see if any of this leads into the VM vs M9 show off and if there's going to be canon involved or what. 

Caleb - 

I left Caleb for last. Not only because he's been my favorite character all campaign long. But because most of the buzz is coming from his ending. I’ll preface this first --- I’ve never been an outright Essek/Caleb shipper. I’ve loved their moments together and am not against them in any shape or form. I’m just not one of the die hards shippers. Same with Caleb/Astrid/Wulf. 

BUT - With that being said, I’m very happy with Calebs ending. I’ve seen some people that are mad that he didn't do what he set out to do - which was take down the corruption. But Liam said that he sees that aspect of his life as a life long endeavor. So just because he takes up the teaching gig - which I’m so happy with btw; more on that in a bit- doesn't mean he stopped. You can root out the corruption from within and I think Caleb started to realize that was going to be the best way. I’m glad he didn't take the place of Trent. I think things could have gone horribly wrong even if he was at the top. Am I thrilled that Astrid is there? Not particularly no but its better than Trent. Caleb being a teacher makes so much sense. At the beginning of the campaign, Nott was always telling people that Caleb was the one teaching her the magic she had, plus the trading notes with Yussa and Essek over the years. It all leads to him teaching. Finally being the teacher --- the right teacher for the future generations of wizards. He was never going to accomplish that in Trents place. 

Now --- the elephant in the room, Essek. I’m 100% okay with this part of Caleb’s story. I’m glad that he did go back to Aeor and learn what he could. I think its what Essek said. That he wouldn't change his past because it led him to that moment with Caleb, but then still offered to help Caleb if thats what he wanted to do for himself. I’m happy that Caleb finally let go of the part of his past that kept his guilt so present. He’ll always remember his parents and what he did, but he's allowing himself to walk through that door and to start finally healing. Let me tell you how much I ugly cried when we finally heard what his plan had been all these years AND what that second book was that he never told us about. Liam O’Brien you poetic son of a bitch I love you so much. But damn did I ugly cry literally during that whole time. Okay sorry, now Essek. I think them realizing the age differences, being in the relationship for however long they were but then remained friends is so very much like both of them. They are both logical people. To me this makes so much sense. I think I’m in the minority here but it does. Essek will outlive the rest of the M9 so of course they realized eventually there was going to be this elephant in the room when Caleb grew old. I’d like to think Caleb wouldn't want the extra heartbreak on Essek when Caleb eventually dies, then the rest of Essek’s friends die on top of that. Liam said that this campaign, romance in any shape or form was not a priority and I think also that had a part to do with it. I’m glad Caleb just didn’t be alone for the rest of his life and only teaching. I’m glad he reached out to Essek and did that stuff, and then taught Luc. It’s far from the sad wizard boy who was ready to leave the M9 at a moments notice to be alone. 

Sorry for the rambling and VERY LONG post. oh my god I’m so sorry but it just kept coming. haha I’m very sad to see the Mighty Nein go. This campaign was the reason I got into D&D and where I fell in love with it. I fell in love with these nerdy ass voice actors and their characters. BUT it makes me excited for campaign 3 and the future of Critical Role. 

SIDENOTE: WHAT THOUGHTS DO YOU GUYS HAVE ON THE PROJECT THEYRE GOING TO ANNOUNCE NEXT WEEK HUH? I’m glad they mentioned that they aren't ready for Campaign 3 just yet, but Marisha made it at least seem that its on the horizon. I’m sure they want to take the break they deserve and have time to transition from their M9 characters to their new ones. so yeah anyway 

Thank you, Mighty Nein. Long may you all reign. 

[naturalnein]

I think she knows

“Beau.” A laugh burbles from Jester’s throat. “Beauuuu. I know you’re trying to tell me you had a crush on me. I’m trying to tell you I had a crush on you, too.”

...

or: Beau and Jester’s waltz becomes a confessional

alternatively, read on ao3 and leave a comment

There is a bleak night before her, and then there is Jester. This is how most things start.

Caleb had left her on the dance floor with a sense of finality and bemusement, the way he always seemed to make every conversation as though it was their last. And as always, it sends her on a spiral. Already prone to overthinking, Beau accepts that this is how she’ll end her evening and slips into the shadows of the room. She allows herself to remember the Nein’s early days, ruminate on how they’ve all changed, how she’s changed, her feelings about these friendships she’s formed, her feelings about Caleb, about--

Jester stumbles into her arms. It’s no accident, by the gleam in Caleb’s eye, and she can read his expression like a book: You talked to me, now talk to her. She wishes she had a free hand to flip him off, then doesn’t when Jester intertwines their fingers and giggles. 

“Look at this, Beau.”

A small unicorn dangles from her palm--their palms, pressed together. Beau knows immediately where it came from, and can’t help the infectious smile that comes to her face. She grins and nods like a fool, following Jester’s lead. No words have to be spoken between them to know this is a win. 

A pair of dancers bump into them and after a slurred little oops leaves Jester’s mouth, she untangles their fingers and puts the figurine safely in her dress pocket. Her hand attracts back to Beau’s and there is stepping on a couple of toes, then they fall into step. Jester’s knowledge of the dance makes up for Beau’s lack thereof, and it seems for a moment like they blend into the quiet rhythm, like Beau can forget the weight she’s carrying. 

Then: Jester leans in conspirationally. “Did you hear what Yasha--”

“You know I really, really liked you,” Beau spits, words colliding into each other as they leave her mouth. She’s sure, at this nonexistent distance, that Jester must feel her pulse racing. Caleb is in her head, laughing, calling her tactless and tenacious.

The look of surprise that crosses Jester’s face almost scares Beau off the conversation entirely. She can play it off, pretend she never said anything, they can even talk about Yasha if she wants. But then Jester recovers and her face flushes and she smiles, teeth catching her lower lip. “I liked you too, Beau.”

Beau’s heart goes heavy. It was even worse this way. She thought, surely the way she said it, hurried with embarrassment, that Jester would understand that she hadn’t really meant like, she’d meant in love. She’d meant that she’d spent every night lying awake thinking about those shiny fangs that only appeared in her genuine smiles, the violet freckles across her nose and the diamond dust that glittered on her chest, the playful tail that was tickling the back of Beau’s calf. She’d meant that for months, loving Jester, even in private, had made her heart swell larger than she thought she could bear. Beau loved her so much she thought she’d die from it. There was no way to explain that, but she’d hoped “really, really liked” could have done the job somehow.

This is what Caleb knew, because Veth had surely told him, and this is what she had to explain to him was over. As all-encompassing as it had been, she wasn’t in love with Jester anymore. But he had the miraculous ability to pinpoint other people’s hauntings, and Jester was Beau’s. So he’d done the most Caleb thing he possibly could, and took the matter into his own hands. He’d pushed Jester towards her on a night of vulnerability, Beau had taken the bait, and now she had to deal with the mess she’d created.

“Jes that’s—that’s not really what I meant by like. I don’t mean to fuckin’... make this weird or anything— between us, I mean—but I’m trying to tell you I had like a thing for you, y’know? A romantic thing? I don’t mean to get all TMI or whatever—“

“Beau.” A laugh burbles from Jester’s throat. “Beauuuu. I know you’re trying to tell me you had a crush on me. I’m trying to tell you I had a crush on you, too.”

Beau stumbles, sending the waltz out of rhythm. She and Jester bump into another couple who glare, half affected, and take a few steps away. After a moment of surprise, Jester seamlessly reorients them to the beat and takes the lead. Focusing on the steps helps Beau clear her head, despite the fact she feels like someone set off a firework in her blood, exploding to her synapses. This she had not prepared for.

After half a minute of silence and box steps and composure, Beau fixes her gaze on Jester. “Are you—are you serious? Because y’know you don’t have to just say that because I did, I get that you and—” it feels wrong, somehow, to say his name, in a moment that feels so private and theirs “—you know have your own thing going. I’m not here to wreck that.”

“No, Beau. I liked you.” They spin, and Jester loses some of her composure. “I thought that maybe you were just my best friend, y’know? I loved you so much because that’s just what best friends were like but then…”

Jester furrows her brows, and on impulse Beau tightens her grip: half in reassurance, half to stop herself from smoothing out the wrinkle that forms there with her thumb. “What is it?”

“You were going to sacrifice yourself. To the hag. And the thought of having to say goodbye to you, it hurt. It hurt so much and I was so scared of seeing you go I had to come up with another plan to save you.”

“You were a hero.”

“Because that’s what people who love each other do. They save each other.” Jester’s voice wavers, eyes unfocussed over Beau’s shoulder. She sounds almost melancholy.  “Just like in the stories.”

Beau tries to follow her gaze, but everyone in the room is spinning and she can’t track who could possibly be the target of her dismay. Maybe no one at all. It’s so rare to watch the Jester she knows slip away into hopelessness. She takes a shot in the dark: “Not everything is a story, though, is it?”

“No,” Jester mumbles, embarrassed by her own emotions. Beau wants to hug her and tell her it’s okay, but can’t figure out how to do so without breaking the rhythm of the dance and making a scene. “It’s not.”

They go in circles for another few moments, in a silence edging on the beat of uncomfortable. What remains unsaid hangs heavy between them, and just when the music shifts and Beau thinks Jester is going to slip right between her fingers to another, better partner, the tiefling speaks. 

“How did you know you liked me?”

Beau breathes a sigh of relief and smiles. This is something she can define. “I think that I always did? As soon as I met you, it was like watching someone stumble out of a fairytale. Twice as pretty as you were naive, a pastry diet and a quest for your father? You were unreal, Jes. Like a fucking princess. But then I realized you’re more than that. You’re… you’re funny, you make me laugh, your plans are fucking ridiculous, but you’re clever, like with the hag. You’re complicated. More than just childish. You’re… god, you were everything.” 

Jester’s eyes glass over with tears, and for a moment Beau can’t tell if that means she’s done well or fucked this whole thing up, but then Jester whispers “That’s really, really sweet, Beau. Thank you.”

“Well you don’t have to fucking—you don’t have to thank me, Jes, it’s just how I felt, and it’s all true.”

“I knoooow, but you’ve always believed in me. Even when we first met other followers of the Traveler. Do you remember that? You said you’d follow me, that you went where I did. Even though you knew I was going to get us in trouble.”

“Well it seemed like fun at the time,” Beau interjects, but Jester rushes ahead. 

“And you just kept following me. You never stopped. That’s how I knew, Beau. That I had a crush on you. Because I thought about that day all the time.” Their feet pick up with the swell of the music. People are switching partners, but Jester’s grip is tight and Beau wouldn’t trade this moment for a single goddamn thing. 

“The Traveler told me to tell you so many times. He saw every sketch I ever did, Beau, and there were so many. I loved when you posed for me but I loved the ones I did when you weren’t looking even more, that sad look you’d get when you weren’t pretending for anyone, not even me. Is that creepy? I’m not a creep, Beau, I just liked you a lot. I had crushes before but this felt so different because you were you, so cool and powerful and--and a girl. It was scary and it made me mad, like when you went off with Reani, but it made me feel like in the books, y’know? It made me happy.”

Beau doesn’t know how to process any of this, that someone could love her in such a capacity. That the love she carries with her can be reciprocated, even if it comes a little too late. She has spent a quarter of her life in libraries and doesn’t have the vocabulary to express it. But Jester knows. She knows, so Beau defers to her defenses. She laughs and says: “You were jealous of Reani?” 

“Well she was basically a badass angel so yeah maybe I was but I would never tell her that she’s so nice and sweet, y’know?”

“Jester, Reani is basically you, but with a questionable willingness to kill lawbreakers.”

“Oh.”

A huff of a laugh. “Yeah. I spent a long time chasing people who were at least a little like you… That’s kinda embarrassing to say.”

Jester’s lips twist in a smile, and her fangs show, just a little. “I think it’s romantic, Beau. You were in loooove with me.”

“Heh, yeah. Yeah I was.” She says it so easily, as though she hadn’t carried around the weight of those words like a barbell balanced between her aorta for half a year, maybe longer. Beau had lived in fear that if Jester knew, if she knew, that they could never be this close again. Fear that Jester would become distant and Beau would lose more than a lover, she’d lose her best friend. 

But now she says it, Jester gripped in her calloused hands, waltzing in a bar, and doesn’t feel fear at all, only release.

“Beau?”

“Yeah?” 

Jester’s face flushes, deep violet and sheepish. “Can I kiss you?”

Beau feels her heart stutter. She doesn’t even pause to see if any of their friends are looking. “Uh, yes. Yes.”

Jester’s mouth is on hers before Beau can even pull their dance to a stop. She tastes like the stale beer she’d downed at the bar beforehand: soft lips and sour twinges of barley. It was sloppy, fangs biting into Beau’s mouth, horns knocking against her forehead, but so warm and longing it made Beau ache--ache for the girls they’d been before Rumblecusp, the girls who’d been so quietly in love with each other it was damn near invisible, who’d never known real devotion or real friendship, who’d dreamt of this moment in shades of impossible and somehow managed to pass each other, like ships in the night. 

As Beau and Jester pull away, strangers continue to dance around them. The night carries on breathing, gentle winds rushing through open windows and picking up their hair. The world still spins. Time had never stopped for them before, and it didn’t now, even at their most vulnerable.

“You don’t still have a crush on me, do you?” Jester whispers. Her lips are swelling, slightly.

“No,” Beau says, honest. “I think I need to learn to stop following and start leading, instead. Take charge of my own fate. Does that make sense? It doesn’t change the fact that you are a pretty-fucking-good kisser, Jes, that was amazing.”

Jester grins wide and Beau grabs her, reimmersing them into the crowd of dancers. “It also doesn’t change that I love you. You’re still my best friend, you know. Whatever happens, I’ll be right there with you, punching shit. But you don’t still…?”

“No, no. I love you, Beau, but I don’t think I know what a real relationship looks like outside of, y’know, smut. And Artie is going to need so much support; I don’t really know who I am when I’m not his high priestess, or whatever. Woof, there’s so much happening right now.” Jester’s voice cracks and she swallows hard; ghosts her hand over the pocket where the unicorn figurine resides. “Also, I guess not everything is a story, like you said. Not like Tusk Love, at least, though I never thought we were going to, like, have boat sex after I drowned and you revived me or anything crazy like that.”

Beau smirks. “Oh, really?”

“Okay well maybe I thought about it like once or twice but it really was kinda romantic, Beau, and we were on the sea for a really, really long time and I have a very good imagination.”

And Beau can’t help it, she laughs. She thinks, this is why I fell in love with her. She thinks, this is why she’s my best friend. 

“You know, we could pretend. Just for a little while. That this is a story after all,” Beau says.

Jester’s jaw goes slack. “You want to have boat sex with me?!” She screeches in a whisper. A few heads turn in their direction.

“No! No--god--I just meant we could dance here a little longer, like these other couples, and show them all up with our fantastic dancing skills.”

“Oh! Oh! That’s such a good idea, Beau. I’ll be like the Sapphire Princess and you can be”—her voice dips an octave—“my mysterious knight in shining armor.”

Beau pulls her close, as close as if she were to kiss her again, and whispers: “How about we’re just us? Just Beau and Jester. Just this once.”

Jester sighs heavily and relaxes into Beau’s arms. The exhaustion Beau has felt since she stepped out onto the dance floor finally shows in her tiefling friend; a few of the baubles hanging from her horns slump forward, making soft tinkling sounds as she leans her head on Beau’s shoulder. “That sounds pretty nice, too.”

Beau doesn’t spend a lot of time in the present. The monastery taught her to always be looking both ways: analyzing the past and assessing the future and taking notes and reporting back her findings. Already, she knows that she’ll have to map their path to Eiselcross, decipher deRogna’s true intentions, make sure that the Soul can track them if things go sour. She’ll leave a message and by morning, the Archivists will know many things about tonight. 

But Beau knows the things that she will leave out--like the smell of her best friend’s skin, the taste of her on Beau’s lips, or the warmth of their bodies pressed together in a sea of dancers.

And just because she can, just this once, she places a kiss in Jester’s hair. She imagines for a moment that there is nothing else but this--no mercenaries, no danger, no Nein--nothing but Jester tucked beneath her chin, swaying to the beat of a ballad. A room waiting upstairs and their lives stretched out before them, as wide as the coast.

[seafleece]

beau’s asleep.

she sleeps heavy, for a monk. for an ex-pos-i-tor, or maybe it’s exactly how an expositor sleeps. tired of paying attention to everything, intent on taking in nothing, on being dead to the loud, bright world for just a little while. jester doesn’t really have anything to compare it to— doesn’t want anything to compare it to.

she doesn’t really remember when beau started taking her hair down to bed.

and, you know, it probably started the same way things start between people. blamed on other circumstances, the first time— probably she’d just finished washing blood out of it, or something— and just. never quite changed back. it’s separate, at first, and then the break in routine becomes the routine. becomes meaningful, in secret, until missing it would mean missing a whole lot more, too.

more like she braids beau’s hair sometimes, when they’re staying somewhere that has good washtubs or, dare to dream, proper bathrooms— beau likes baths, that’s something no one else knows, never passes up the chance to wash off the grime of travel. she’ll come back to the room looking pleased and sleepy, like a cat, and she’ll sit at the foot of the bed while jester brushes out her hair all silky and braids it loose.

more like she sometimes steals beau’s hair ribbons and ties them on her horn so she gets to be the one to put it back up in the morning, and beau pretends to be mad about it but never really is. because she could just wait until jester is asleep and steal it back, but she doesn’t, because beau sleeps heavy.

beau sleeps like she’s not afraid jester will look at her with her hair down and fanning out over the pillows. which she does, sometimes.

it’s not the first time beau sleeps with her hair down that jester starts writing questions, but it’s the first time jester notices she always does it.

so the first question she writes down is about that, but after a while it sort of just answers itself.

other ones aren’t so easy.

—

why do you like yasha?

why are you only nice to me?

what’s kissing a girl like?

do you want to have kids someday?

you said you thought of nicodranas when obann tried to charm you. what does that mean?

you said you didn’t want to hurt me. why don’t you think you leaving would hurt me?

—

have you ever loved anyone else?

maybe it’s because i only had momma and the traveler for so long— and bluud, i guess— but i have never really loved someone like this before, you know?

did you love tori? it’s cool if you did, i promise i’m not jealous. maybe it’s better if you did, if you had practice— you have to learn stuff while you’re loving someone, i had to learn that, too. it takes a while to figure out why you feel that weird heavy thing in your chest all the time, even when they’re not around. like swallowing a magnet or something. i’ve never swallowed a magnet before, caleb says it’s really dangerous and could rip a big hole in your stomach, but i think that’s what it would feel like.

maybe you knew all that stuff before me, because you had practice. i’m sorry it took me so long, but i get it now. i wish i knew right away, that that’s what you meant on the boat. or did you not know you meant it then, either?

veth says you told her a while ago, and that you sounded really sad. i’m sorry you had to be so sad about it. i keep thinking about you being sad all that time and wishing i could go back and tell you it was going to get better. i guess that’s what love is though, huh? wishing you could undo the stuff that hurts somebody even if doesn’t make sense, because you just don’t want them to hurt at all.

i guess i wanted to write this because i want you to know that someone loves you like that, you know? i hope someone loved you like that before, at least once. there’s stuff i don’t know about that happened to you, so i can’t wish it didn’t happen yet, but if someone loved you then, then they probably wished for it. but maybe you can just tell me, if you want to. i’ll always want you to.

i dreamed about nicodranas again. i know you want us all to be together after this and we will be, i promise, but i dreamed that it was just us in the house on the beach—and nugget, of course. it was night and all the windows were open so everything smelled like the ocean, and you had your hair down. that’s how i knew it was just us, because your hair was down. i used to wonder why it was only me who saw you like that, but i get it now. there’s stuff about yourself you only want to give to certain people. i’m glad you want to give that to me.

i hope i’m brave enough to tell you all this. maybe i won’t be, but at least it’ll be here for you to maybe read, if i’m too scared. momma wrote a lot of letters to dad while he was away and she never sent any of them anywhere, not even now that she knows where he is, but maybe i’ll be different. i always wished for someone like dad was to momma, but i think you’re better. it just took me a little while to realize.

beau’s asleep.

she says something into the pillow and the arm she has slung into jester’s lap curls, tries to pull her closer, but jester’s sitting up against the headboard.

after a moment, the eye jester can see opens, casts a glance up at her. she can only see half of beau’s face but the smile that curls onto it is plain, sunny.

“— drawing?”

“what?” she smooths a strand of hair from beau’s face, lingers to wind it around her finger and tug softly.

beau turns to look at her fully, blinking slow and lazy like a cat. her arm tightens across jester’s lap again.

“what’re you drawing?”

her voice is like crumpled paper, thin and raspy.

“oh,” and she looks down at the page, her cramped handwriting. “nothing, just writing a letter.” her free hand releases the strand of hair to curl along beau’s cheek, and she turns into it, eyes closed.

“mm. who’s it for?”

“you. i’ve been working on it for awhile. i just finished.”

“can i read it?”

beau’s eyes open, a facsimile of alertness, but her eyelids do that funny flutter she knows means she’s trying not to fall asleep again.

“in the morning,” jester says, heart skipping, and she closes the book with a soft snap. “go back to sleep.”

when beau’s arm tries to curl again she lets it, lets herself be pulled against beau’s side and stay there. she thinks about the end of a story, she thinks about a house in nicodranas, on a cliff, footprints in the sand, and then she falls asleep.

[trinket-buddy]

For anyone looking for it, a transcript of the whole conversation with Jester about the Traveler from 105 below the cut:

@jadequarze

Beau: Jester, how are you feeling about Travelercon, you know if we defeat the looming volcano god that has this whole island held hostage?

Jester: Um

Beau: You alright? I honestly thought that was going to be something you would start rattling off a thousand ideas about but you didn't say anything so now I'm like super concerned

Jester: I just don't um, I just don't know. I don't know what to do about it

Veth: Like whether or not to have it? Or what to do when you do have it?

Jester: Well, obviously we're going to have it, but, the Traveler he doesn't want to be a god, he doesn't, he doesn't like it. So I don't know how to make everybody come here and pretend like they're going to worship him, and also make him happy, and also make sure that they're not taken advantage of too much, and also free everybody here, and also at the end of it if he doesn't want to be a god what does that mean for me and him? Or I don't know, I don't know. I was hoping maybe we fight Vokodo and everything will just become clear.

Beau: You seemed sad last night after you went off and talked with him for a bit

Caleb: She's sad now

Jester: I'm not sad no I'm just you know

Beau: Oh those are tears

Jester: No I'm just like, it's just you know stressful

Caleb: What if it were just you and him? Like your old days?

Jester: I don't think that's a bad thing. You know he, he was really wonderful then. He was my best friend. I know all of you are concerned that maybe he's taking advantage, or maybe he doesn't have our best interests, and who knows maybe he doesn't but he really got me through a lot when I was younger you know, and he was all I had really, and he's wonderful. He taught me so much. If it just was him being my friend again I'd be ok with that. I just don't know what that means for everyone else, all the people that are coming here.

Fjord: If he said he doesn't want to be a god did he say why he's still having everyone come here?

Beau: Did he know about this place?

Jester: He did, that was kinda sad to find out about, he knew people lost their memories here apparently. Um I think you know, I think he's hoping to sort of offload a lot of the people when they come. Maybe not necessarily leave them here but make them think that you know he's not so available anymore. It would be really stressful to have all these people constantly praying to you.

Fjord: But he sent you here?

Jester: Yeah

Fjord: What if you forgot him?

Jester: He promised me that he would save me, and us, he said all of us. I believe him

Yasha: How do you feel about him right now. Knowing this, that he, I am very not trying to overstep at all but him, uh knowing that he would bring people here that it's possible they would forget

Jester: He's not like the best guy, you know he's really cool but I don't think he always you know thinks about other people about how they'll actually be affected sometimes and that's just you know just because he's super super powerful and to us, to him we're like ants sometimes you know we don't think about the fact when we squish an ant you know it doesn't mean anything to us but the ant is real sad.

Fjord: Or just dead

Jester: Or dead

Fjord: Jester we all want what's best for you, of course, have you talked to him at all about going back to how things were when you were little? Just he and you?

Jester: I want to, I want to, I want to, it's just every time we talk he has to disappear so fast, before he used to be here all the time you know. It's so hard to share.

Veth: But you know where he'll be, he'll be at Travelercon

Jester: I know he is going to be here

Veth: The thing that you guys have all taught me is that friends call each other on their shit, and if they're really friends then they'll be friends afterwards, and if you know where he'll be and you know he's not going to disappear you should call him on his shit. Travelercon shouldn't be about bamboozling people, or you putting on a show, Travelercon should be about you and the Traveler, that's how it all started

Jester: But all those people are already on their way here

Veth: He'll deal with them after

Fjord: You've done so much for him, and I know he's done so much for you, but trying to make him happy in this it puts you at risk, it has put you at risk, and us, that doesn't seem like you said the most considerate thing

Caleb: Yeah but also it is complicated sometimes extracting yourselves from the very things that made you who you are, so this might be difficult

Beau: We're protective of you and defensive of you, we're here because of Jester, not because of the Travelercon. Honestly all you have to do is say the word, and we'll do whatever you want, that's always been the case. But also if he hurts you I'll kill him, you know like we've killed demi-gods before, we're about to kill one, we could kill him too

Jester: We don't, I don’t want to kill him

Beau: Yeah but we could and we would if you said the word

Jester: Thankyou Beau, I don't want him killed

Beau: I just don't want to see you being used either

Jester: Yeah, I don't want to be used

Beau: You know you're kind of, to echo Nott's point, you're kind of his peer now

Jester: No I'm not, he can do so many things, he can bamf in and out whenever he wants to

Veth: So can you

Jester: I can't I'm stuck here on this island

Veth: You can turn into things and fly, you can, you've got a lot of powers, look you made us this entire dinner out of nothing

Jester: This is a really good dinner

Veth: Yeah

Fjord: Quite good

Yasha: It's a very good dinner, I've never had pancakes before and this might be my favourite thing I've ever had

Fjord: You really haven't touched your bugs much

Yasha: Because I'm eating all the pancakes

Fjord: They're crawling though, away

Veth: You could roll them up

Caduceus: I was about to say if you roll them up

Yasha: Best bug I've ever had

Beau: I guess we're a little bit biased because we've seen you do a lot more amazing things than we've seen the Traveler do

Yasha: Yeah

Jester: Everything I do, all of it, is because of him

Beau: Eh give yourself some credit too though

Fjord: And you care, about people you know, about people you don't know, you cause chaos but in the end you don't want to hurt people, you care. In many ways you're much more than he will ever be

Beau: Super natural for students to outgrow their teachers, I mean look at me with Dairon, you know

Jester: Yeah

Beau: Who's the teacher now

Jester: You're way cooler

Beau: I know, and you're way cooler than the Traveler in my opinion

Veth: Did we leave Dairon at our house by the way? Is she there for like forever?

Beau: No they're back in Zadash now I think or Re.. I don't know she's around

Veth: Cool cool cool

Yasha: Jester, I hope you know how special you are, just you, even without the Traveler. We all think you're pretty amazing

Caleb: So does he to a certain extent so perhaps a little more time with you and you will colour his perspective instead of he colouring yours

Jester: Thankyou guys

Fjord: If you ever want it, there is life beyond the Traveler, we're here

Jester: Wow that's pretty great thanks, not gonna lie I feel pretty good right now

Fjord: It's the pancakes

Caduceus: I just want to say you all just did so well

[my-spiritualweapon-is-a-lollipop]

Holding Hands

Synopsis: Essek tours the tower for the first time and he and Caleb have some honest talks. A little bit of angst and a little bit of fluff. Just how I like my wizards. 

It had been a long day in Eiselcross. The Mighty Nein were all weary on their feet, many of them hurt from their various encounters along the way and everyone could probably use the rapport boost of a warm bed and good food. Still Caleb was leary of using the tower when Lucien had proven he could easily dispel it.

“But Caleb” Jester pleaded while grabbing onto his arm with her charming little mittens. “If Lucien’s not nearby yet then we wasted a night of good, safe rest. Wouldn’t it be better to fight him with a good night of sleep before? And besides, the tower is harder to find than the dome.” and she blinked up at him with that particular Jester pout that Caleb found particularly difficult to resist.

“Ja… we could…” He left room for Fjord or Beau to interject with a discussion of the best tactical decision, but they were surprisingly quiet. He glanced at them and saw that Beau was leaning hard against the wall, favouring the leg that hadn’t been hurt in their last run in and trying to play it off. Fjord’s face was etched with exhaustion. That settled it for Caleb. It was worth the boost in moral that an evening in the tower would provide… even if it served to be only a temporary situation. “Ja. We could” He repeated more firmly and began his preparations for the tower.

It was a challenging spell and Caleb had plenty of experience tuning out his companions when doing this work, but Beau and Caduceus couldn’t help but notice the almost imperceptible pause and tensing of Caleb’s shoulders that accompanied Jester grabbing Essek and delightedly declaring:

“Oh, Essek you are going to love the tower! And not just because it’s all wizardy and stuff but Caleb made it so nice. There are lots of cats, and everyone has a special nice room - I bet he’ll make one special for you” she pumped her eyebrows “- and the cats make like WHATEVER food you want! It’s amazing!”

Essek responded in the slightly shaken way he did whenever he encountered the full force of Jester’s jovial attentions:

“I-I-’m certain that it is. I wouldn’t expect anything less from a talented wizard.” and Essek looked hard at Caleb’s back for a moment and then looked away with a perceptible sadness in his eyes but Jester pushed on as was her way:

“Pro-tip: call all of the cats to come snuggle you. You will never. Sleep. Better.”

“I’ll have to remember that.” Essek said nodding at her and trying to extricate himself from where she had her arms wrapped around his. He floated over to the wall to drift near Beau where he expected he would be left to sit in sullen silence, which was what he wanted. He wanted to observe everything about how Caleb cast this spell. This was the kind of magic he wasn’t particularly familiar with and it was endlessly fascinating. To his surprise he was interrupted by Beau leaning close to him and whispering savagely under her breath:

“If you talk shit about Caleb’s tower, I will fucking kill you. I know you’re a supposed to be amazing and all but it’s clear your opinion matters to him, so you better play nice got it?” Essek visibly deflated in response but whispered back with a surprising intensity.

“I understand that I have not given you much to trust Beauregard, but if there is one thing you can, please trust in my respect for all of your abilities. Even if you believe me to be arrogant, foolish or any other of the myriad of likely accurate and unflattering descriptions you may have in your mind, please know that you have each earned my respect time and time again and Caleb more so than anyone. If anything, I wish to prove my capabilities as an ally to you... not judge yours.” Before Beau could respond, Caduceus (who hears just about everything) put an arm around Essek and spoke.

“That’s nice.” and looked at Essek with a natural sense of hope that Essek couldn’t tolerate so he stared hard into the ground.

“Ready” Caleb said to the group. Those who knew him well picked up on the slight nerves in his voice. It would have been easy to attribute it to the long day of difficult travel, but they were all inclined to think that it was more likely to do with the wizard floating a few feet behind the rest of the group with a curious light filling his eyes. They began to file in and Jester paused at the back of the group to whisper to Caleb conspiratorially:

“Don’t worry. He’s going to like it.” and as she stepped inside, she threw her voice out to obviously and loudly proclaim:

“Oh, Caleb it is as beautiful as always! You are so talented! So amazing! So…” as she paused to look for the next description Veth cut in:

“Truly powerful. One might say a prodigy” She said making eye contact with Essek in a less than kind way before beginning to float upwards.

“Yes!” Jester began as she too started drifting upwards “an absolute prodigy! The best ever!” she feigned swooning and Beau cut her off.

“Yeah, yeah Caleb’s great. We get it. What’s for supper?”

“Uh ja” Caleb started, and he summoned a cat nearby “please prepare a good-sized roast and several -uh- vegetable dishes for our pink friend here and also some black moss cupcakes please.”

“Thank you” Caduceus said and began drifting upwards following the rest of the group. Essek looked like he was about to say something until Fjord shouted:

“UP!” right next to him and nearly caused him to leap out of his skin though he quickly recovered his unflappable mask. Everyone drifted up whilst chatting until it was just Caleb and Essek left on the platform.

“Ah I see.” Essek said as he began drifting up off the platform. “A clever design.”

“I thought that scaling many staircases seemed less than enjoyable after a day of adventuring.” Caleb put in, clearly trying to keep the pleasure at the compliment out of his voice.

“Actually, I was rather inspired by a time we found ourselves in the astral sea briefly.”

“Indeed” Essek said having some experience with the nature of that space. “I don’t believe I have heard that story yet.” He continued.

“Probably you will, some day” Caleb said and Essek could sense that this meant the tale of that particular adventure contained sensitive information, information that Caleb did not trust Essek with and he looked at his floating feet once more, unable to make eye contact with the closest friend he had had in years who was saying in no uncertain terms that he was still not to be trusted completely.

“Ah I see… someday then”.

Caleb didn’t want to leave the mood too low for too long. Afterall, he wanted to tell Essek every detail about those halls and their experiences there, but the happy fun ball seemed like it would probably be more of a temptation than was necessarily a good idea, especially if the two of them could work on it together. So, he began floating on ahead and offered Essek his hand.

“Would you like the tour then?” Essek briefly looked up at Caleb floating above him, stretching his hand down to carry him up to his level and couldn’t help but feel the weight of the visual representation of their situation. Caleb looking down, wreathed in light from above while Essek looked up at him and reached for his hand. It was almost like an art piece and he hated to give in to the symbolism.

Still, he grabbed Caleb’s hand and thought “up” to himself until they were level. Much to his surprise Caleb kept their hands intertwined as they floated up to the first floor and it was almost enough to distract Essek from the beautiful library they found themselves in next. Almost. He was a wizard after all. He couldn’t resist the sight of any good collection of books. Essek quickly moved over to the nearest shelf and began scanning title after title and slowly came to a realization.

“You create this space anew every time, correct? It’s not permanently established?”

“Ja, I create it new every time, though I try to keep it close to the same for the most part.”

“So, all of these… these only exist here meaning that these are simply books that you have memorized?” He said with audible admiration.

“Ja. I have a good mind for storing facts.” and he watched as Essek pulled a book from the shelves and began thumbing through pages and couldn’t help but feel to a certain degree as if he was being tested. Essek saw that these books were not just visual representations or the spines of Caleb’s favourite books but complete volumes, written exactly as they were. He found himself feeling that odd mix of jealousy, admiration and something else that he hadn’t quite pinned down that often-accompanied Caleb’s displays of mental prowess. He looked back at Caleb, and though he had had trouble meeting the fellow wizard’s eyes for days - he did not want to see Caleb’s disappointment - he felt compelled to make strong eye contact now to drive home his point.

“I am considered excellent at what I do. I have a keen mind. But this… this is astounding even to me.” Caleb felt the weight of his eyes on him and felt himself flushing somewhat.  

“Well… this is available to you if you wish to read, though I must let you know that many of them are in my original tongue and plenty of these are repeated. Though I have a great love of reading, I have found that I cannot fill an entire library with only my own knowledge just yet.” Essek waved his hand dismissively and Caleb saw just a small hint of the old, confident Essek peek thorough.

“I have arcane means at my disposal to translate. That is not a problem. I thank you.” He bowed his head slightly and stashed a book under his arm.

“But this is only the first floor? Though I would be happy to remain here in the library if that were your wish, I would gladly see more if you would show me?” Though he masked it well from his voice, Caleb could sense the hunger, the eagerness to see more that was familiar to him. Not for the first time, Caleb longed for simpler times in the other wizard’s tower when there was no betrayal hanging between them, simply peers enjoying the pursuit of knowledge and each other's company. Now even the memory of their victory that day felt tainted with the cost of how Essek had acquired much of his knowledge. Caleb pulled himself out of the spiral and offered:

“There is more to seen to be sure. Come. I’ll show you” and he proffered his hand once again. He knew Essek was perfectly capable of following but there was a small part of Caleb that couldn’t resist the small bit of pleasant contact between them that felt safe and distant enough, at least until he could make up his mind about what to do about Essek. Essek for his part noted the texture of Caleb’s hand, memorizing it and studying his internal reaction for future reference- when he had time to unpack all that was causing him to feel. He also noticed the scars just visible at the bottom of the arm of Caleb’s coat but chose not to interrupt this small precious moment of goodwill with a question that may bring up pain for Caleb.

And so, Caleb showed him the majority of the lower levels, going from place-to-place hand in hand, to a point where both hands were clammy and almost asleep but neither wizard was willing to give up their tenuous bond just yet. Essek thought the summoning space in the hall was “quite a brilliant solution” and Caleb informed Essek that he had had to install tiny locking doors on his cat travel system after Jester’s first polymorph escapade and thank goodness he had for Jester decided to provide Lucien with that little tidbit of advice upon first arriving. This caused Essek to actually laugh out loud which took Caleb by surprise.

“Yes, I am unsurprised by this. Jester is a talented person in her own right, but I would not describe her as pragmatic in any sense of the word.” Essek chuckled again. Caleb stopped and looked down at their joined hands a moment.

“Herr Theylyss, may I ask you something? It may be personal” Essek felt a pit of concern begin turning in his stomach but responded:

“Uh- why yes. I thought you were aware that I have made the decision to be fully -uh honest with you ever since… yes you may.” Caleb noted that Essek was fidgeting with his other hand.

“I had wondered why you seem more comfortable around Jester when it is clear that you still struggle to be at ease around … the rest of us at times? I understand that Jester is very talented at - uh-bringing out the best in people shall we say but… I had wondered…” Essek thought for a moment.

“I believe the answer is twofold. Firstly, Jester was the voice of your group to me for many months. It was through her that I was first annoyed with you all, then simply exasperated and then, I will admit, excited to hear from you. In my perspective she was the voice of my...my first friends. I believe to some degree I still expect her intrusions” He looked away at this “Secondly, I know I disappointed her as I disappointed each of you when I… when my decisions came to light but I can tell that Jester wants to forgive me and believes in the good she sees in me, just as Caduceus has hoped for me but I suppose, with the rest of you, in many ways I know that the damage is done and that the days of eating and drinking in that ridiculous hot tub are well over and I-” he paused to collect his thoughts “though I know I deserve it, it can be difficult to face that our bonds will never be what I was hoping they would be.” Essek hadn’t met Caleb’s eyes through this whole speech but a visible dark purple flush was creeping across his features.

“Ah I see.” Caleb began, “yes Jester’s capacity for seeing the positives in life is an admirable quality but” Caleb touched Essek’s chin feather light and turned his face towards him. “You do us a disservice if you think that each of us does not hold hope that you will redeem yourself or see the best in you. You would not be here if we didn’t but I have already told you… it takes time.” Both of them thought back to the moment of his discovery when Caleb managed to stop an oncoming panic attack in its tracks with a kiss on the forehead and his stalwart belief in Essek’s capacity to redeem himself. Looking into his eyes now, Essek saw something almost worse than his worst fear and the reason he been avoiding Caleb’s gaze. He had expected to see disappointment, sadness or even derision in Caleb’s eyes but instead he saw a warmth and a genuine affection that he felt undeserving of. It was never something he had seen before from anyone else; not in the eyes of his parents or siblings, the bright queen, or even his students that viewed him with adoration. Caleb had looked at him that way a few times before but Essek had not dared to hope that look remained after his deceptions were revealed. He felt a wetness swelling in his eyes, but he couldn't pull his gaze away, desperately catching every last second of affection that he could. Caleb was glad to see behind Essek’s carefully laid mask to know that he was being heard and heard truly. He ran his thumb over the soft purple skin along Essek’s jaw.

“Time.” He reiterated. Then he pulled his gaze away and broke them both out of the moment. He dropped Essek’s hand, afraid he’d clench too tightly if he didn’t, taken by a swarm of his own emotions of hurt, betrayal, and still warm caring and concern “I better leave you a little time before supper to clean up ja? Come. I will show you your room.” Essek didn’t say anything but simply nodded, hoping to clamber his mask of semi-indifference back into place.

They got to the landing with all of the doors to the individual bedrooms and both caught a glance into Yasha’s bedroom where Jester could be seen to be braiding Yasha’s hair in a particularly spectacular updo.

“Do you think Beau will like it?” Yasha wondered while looking in the mirror.

“Oh Yasha! She will love it!” Jester started a whole torrent of compliments before Caleb opened the door to the guest bedroom and both of them were distracted by the reveal.

Caleb had a tense knot in his stomach as Essek cautiously stepped, or floated rather, forward. He had hoped that this room could act as a small kind of gift, to show Essek that he still held space for him.

It was a chamber much like the rest of the bedrooms with its bathtub and fireplace, but Caleb had modified the architecture to be more reminiscent of Xhorhos, more specifically the design Caleb had seen in Essek’s tower. The furniture was inspired by that as well, though in different arrangements to accommodate the layout. Fine silver instruments laid upon the desk. Wall hangings precisely as they had appeared in Essek’s tower. There was space for mucking about and chalkboards for scribbling out theories. There was a small library space that was empty save for the books Caleb placed in every room and the large comfortable reading chair in the deep blue velvet that Caleb remembered, with the important distinction that this reading nook had two reading chairs as opposed to the one in Essek’s original study. Caleb watched as Essek floated from place to place taking in the details.

“Uh-ja” he interjected as Essek moved toward the desk. “I only included instruments I could recall from the limited view of your tower I had but if you require more, I have a study and lab that I share with Veth that you are welcome to share with us if you should have anything you wish to work on.” Essek moved over to touch one of the velvet chairs and Caleb cut in again:

“I have – that is- I know what it is like to be far from a patriot but to still miss home so I thought I could include a few familiar touches” Essek nodded silently, and Caleb worried he may have missed the mark.  Essek finally spoke near the bed:

“I haven’t used a bed in many years. I typically just trance at the desk in my study.”

“I was worried you’d say that” Caleb said rushing forward in a fervor that he only acquired when he’d had a particularly exciting idea “thus I have innovated something for wizards everywhere. This will save our necks and shoulders” He tugged on a cord by the bed and revealed on the roof of the four poster was a chalkboard with a floating bit of chalk. He laid down excitedly and pointed up and continued “it works much like transit throughout the space. Simply think what you wish, and the chalk will begin to draw” and the chalk began drawing the figures related to fortunes favor from Caleb’s notes. “This way you may think and rest your body at the same time.” Essek was craning to look up at the chalk board with a small look of amusement glowing in his eyes. It truly was a good idea but far better was the excitement in his friend that accompanied it.

“Truly inspired” he affirmed and began peering around the rest of the space when his eyes landed on the stained glass above the fireplace. Essek floated over to peer at it and Caleb sat up to watch him. The stained glass depicted the Xorhaus as the nein affectionately called the home Essek’s Den had gifted them during their time in Xorhos, with the tree growing up out of it with it’s glittering branches. And in the house could be seen 8 colourful figures sitting around a hot tub. All of the mighty nein were silhouetted in their signature colours and in the very centre were two male silhouettes looking at one another. One purple and one orange. They seemed to be laughing in their pose. Below this there was a scroll that read “Welcome to the Mighty Nein!”.

Essek’s feet hit the floor with a loud thud as he stared at this stained-glass piece. Caleb had never seen Essek lose concentration in his levitating outside of a fight before and instinctually stood up. Essek looked over and then down at his feet somewhat embarrassed.

“My apologies, uh, I just didn’t expect…” and he moved to begin the spell again.

“You have nothing to prove to me Essek.” Caleb cut him off and essek let the spell die, looking back up to the stained glass.

“I had hoped to provide you a sense of home here, but I apologize if I misjudged or over stepped. I had already designed that stained glass before our discussion earlier and I see now that it may be more harmful than helpful. Tomorrow night I can-

“It is perfect.” Essek said quietly as he stepped, actually stepped, towards Caleb, looking as if he was searching for the right thing to say before landing on:

“Thank you. I am humbled by your insight and your skill.” Caleb looked uncomfortable at such high praise and stood, uncertain what to do with himself for several moments before he began moving toward the door.

“Supper in the dining room in fifteen minutes” he said, fleeing all of the feelings that Essek’s presence had caused.

Essek spent the next fifteen minutes in quiet contemplation about the feeling of one hand in another until he heard Caleb shouting as he descended from his room:

“Supper is ready. Please come down everyone.”

Essek opened his door as the other’s spilled onto the landing as well. He heard a massive noise from upstairs roughly the direction Caleb had specified for the lab and everyone paused to look up until Veth leaned out the door with ash covering her face and said:

“I’ll be down in 5 minutes!”

“Is everything alright?” Fjord asked semi-suspiciously.

“Absolutely! Everything is fine. Perfectly and absolutely fine.” smoke was billowing out of the door and dissipating. “I just need five minutes for um...lady stuff. BE RIGHT DOWN!” she shouted as she slammed the door closed again. The rest of the mighty nein seemed to shrug somewhat to Essek’s dismay:

“Should we help her?” he enquired.

“She’s more likely to bite than accept help she hasn’t asked for” Fjord chuckled. “She does this from time to time. I’m sure it’s fine. Besides, I’m starving”. Fjord wrapped an arm around Jester and hopped off the landing and said “Down!” and they began descending. Essek could hear Jester going:

“Oh Oskar! You are so strong” and the beginnings of Fjord’s protest at the jibe.

Meanwhile Beau and Yasha were squaring off and Essek wasn’t certain if they were likely to kiss or fight or both.

“You look...really good Yasha.”

“You like it? I had never tried this style in my hair before.”

“Essek, tell Caleb we’re skipping dinner.” Beau said with some fervor

“What-” Essek began before his question was answered by Beau pulling Yasha into her room and slamming the door. “Ah… I see”. A sudden thud could be heard from the otherside of the door and Essek did not wish to question what had caused it. Suddenly a large hand was patting him on the shoulder.

“You get used to it” Caduceus said.

“What is that?”

“Being a part of something.” Caduceus finished with another pat on the shoulder, then he began to descend for supper as if he hadn’t said something that hit Essek at his very core.

They had a pleasant supper all together and planned some tactics for the next day before everyone adjourned to their various places of rest for the night. Essek went over to the library and collected an armful of books. Frumkin appeared through a little gap in the wall and Essek leaned down to him.

“Do you have a message from your master?” he said hopefully. Frumkin just butted up against him looking to be pet.

“Do you require something?” Frumkin flopped at Essek’s feet. In this moment alone, he smiled a small smile for the cat that contained none of his usual bravado. He crouched down to pet Frumkin exceedingly gently. After a few moments Frumkin was purring loudly.

“I’m glad we are still good friends at least” Essek sighed. “Do you wish to enjoy some reading with me?” Frumkin gave a slight meow that seemed like a yes and Essek picked him up and placed him on his shoulder giving him a little nuzzle on the way. They began to ascend to Essek’s room and Caleb watched them go. He felt somewhat disappointed in himself for this scheme, particularly after seeing Essek’s sweet nature with his cat, but he would not be fooled twice.

Once safely in his room Caleb watched Essek through frumkin’s eyes. He watched and waited and expected some sort of betrayal though he did not hope for one. He waited until everyone else had gone to bed and Essek was the only one remaining awake. He had expected Essek may message someone, scry or even perhaps begin taking notes of the tower. In that whole time Essek had done nothing but read and cast comprehend languages. Eventually Caleb realized he wasn’t going to do anything else. He wasn’t going to betray them. He then spent the better part of an hour wrestling with himself and doing a good amount of internal reflection before coming to a decision. He went down to knock quietly on Essek’s door.

“Yes?” Essek asked, coming to the door in the least precisely put together look Caleb had ever seen from the wizard. His hair was amuck in places, his robe was gone and the shirt beneath was half untucked and he had the slight dark purple imprint on his cheek where he had been leaning his hand. It made him look more approachable than his typical visage as the “Shadowhand”. Perhaps more endearing too.Caleb also noted he wasn’t floating and wondered if that was to do with his earlier comment.

“Have you happened to have seen my cat?” Caleb enquired. Essek was not fooled by the pretense, knowing that Caleb could summon Frumkin at will, but played along.

“Ah my apologies, I have been detaining him to keep me company while I read.” At this Frumkin ran out of the door and began weaving between Caleb’s legs.

“So, this is where you were?” Caleb enquired of him in mock surprise.

“Yes, well it seemed fitting to have him around while reading my first empire fairy tales about such a one.” Essek said brandishing the book.

“You read der katzenprinz?” Caleb asked, legitimately surprised. He had assumed that Essek would have immediately gravitated towards the arcane books.

“I started with another regarding transmutation but this one seemed a bit of an odd one out in the collection so I assumed it must be of some importance to you…” Essek paused getting slightly embarrassed and then noticing how long they had been standing in the doorway.

“Would you like to come in?”

“Actually, I had a thought, if you are too tired, we don’t have to but,” he looked almost pained and rubbed his hand across his mouth and he seemed to make a decision or resolve himself “but we had not quite finished our tour I think.”

“Oh” Essek was somewhat surprised but still eager. “Yes absolutely. Lead the way.” He placed the book on a nearby table while Frumkin ran to his exit in a hole in the wall. As they began to ascend. Essek spoke up softly:

“Is there a reason that Fjord always declares his direction?”

“Other than showmanship? Absolutely not.” Caleb replied.  At this Essek grinned while Caleb opened up the next level.

“I ask that you never come up here without me please Herr Theylyss. Please” he repeated while making pointed eye contact.

“Of course. Whatever it is your wish.” Essek responded genuinely but somewhat surprised as they came to a room full of doors. “What is this place?”

Caleb did not reply but instead said:

“I have only shown the others of the mighty nein this place.” and he opened the door labelled 1. Caleb closed the door behind them as Essek stepped into the humble space and began looking around.

“What is the significance of this house?” He asked before noting the far off look in Caleb’s face.

“Well, I wanted you to know why I found your choices so challenging to ignore. I wanted you to know why it is that I seem to understand so deeply the challenges you face in learning to forgive yourself for what you have done for it is still something I struggle with myself. Deeply.” Essek could sense the gravity of the space for Caleb and came closer.

“I wish you  for to know, as I know your greatest transgression, but you do not know mine and it seems there is an unfair imbalance between us  of late that I  hope to dispel.” Essek was surprised that Caleb thought there was anything comparable to his “transgression” as he put it but thought back to some of the sadness in Caleb and some of the truth in his eyes whenever he talked about the path ahead of Essek and knew there must be something  substantial coming.

“This was my home. I am sure it may be challenging for you to imagine ,coming from such a high-ranking family, but we were happy here.”

“Wealth does not inherently create happy families. In fact, I think it is likely the opposite” Essek put in softly. Caleb nodded and pointed to the small kitchen counter:

“My mother used to make bread here. She used to allow me to take small portions of the dough while she was kneading it and I would make little figures. I would -uh- use them as puppets and tell her stories of magnificent wizards who saved all of the empire from the evil creatures that threatened it. She would turn them into small buns when I was finished and told me that if I ate them, it was like making a wish, and that one day I might become that powerful wizard.” Caleb touched the surface of the table and closed his eyes for a long moment. Essek tentatively put a hand on his shoulder which remained until Caleb went over to the hearth.

“This is where I learned to love fire. My father would feed the flames and show me how to keep it well. He’d tell me that fire could hurt and burn but it could also sustain life. Once I became old enough to manage without harming myself, he let me create the fire every night to practice. Later I practiced control flames here, the first spell I ever learned from a spell book.” Caleb turned to Essek and held his gaze. Essek saw the shame and pain that was written in Caleb’s features.

“You have killed many good people in your thirst for knowledge and power. I … I am no different. I killed good, loving people who only wished that I could have been the powerful wizard who saved the empire… “Caleb swallowed and realization sunk in for Essek. “I killed my family and destroyed this home as a result of Trent Ikathon’s teaching methods. It was seen as a ‘required step in becoming the capable wizards we needed to be to protect our nation’. Still to this day he attests that it is what my family would have wanted though I don’t think our stories in the kitchen could have ever prepared them for their end.” Caleb paused attempting to collect himself. His hands were shaking a great deal, but he pushed forward “I have only just begun the journey to forgiving myself. I keep this room here, not to torture myself but to ensure that this happy home is never forgotten, never lost. Each room on this floor is a moment to be captured and preserved. I will show you another.” A few tears had fallen on Caleb’s face, but he did not seem to notice. Essek didn’t have feel he had an adequate response, but he did not want to leave this space without saying anything.

“You have performed your own dunemancy here. You fixed this in time. It is beautiful. Thank you for showing it to me.” Essek said, hoping he did not say the wrong thing. He had very limited experience with people he would consider loved ones and he had never lost one. Caleb didn’t say anything, but he nodded a thank you and pulled Essek across the hall to another room. It was Caleb’s bedroom in the xorhaus. Essek recognized it immediately by the charming cat figurines on the shelf.

“This was the space where you first entrusted me with dunamancy but I did not preserve it for this reason… I did so because it was the first time we worked together, and I realized you were very much someone I wished to know more. I saw a like mind in you...Essek, I understand exactly what the cost of knowledge and power can be and the folly of chasing them, you have seen this now, but I also understand that draw, that pull of power in a way almost no one else will. I know how easy it is to slip off the path and become a tool for destruction once more, and this is why I find it difficult to fully trust you as you have proven to me that we are too similar, and I do not trust myself even with that.” He had finally said it out loud. Essek had been hanging on the word trust ever since Caleb had said he was more trusted than Trent Ikathon, but here it was. More did not mean much at all. And how could Essek blame him when he was correct? They were very much alike, that was one of the things that had drawn Essek in and convinced Essek to teach Caleb dunamancy against his better judgement. Essek looked and stared at a cat figurine, willing his breath to slow, his eyes to focus. He did not understand what it was particularly that hurt him so much about Caleb having a perfectly, reasonably low opinion of him.

Caleb saw Essek beginning to have difficulty containing his emotions and he closed the space between them to once again place a small kiss on Essek’s forehead before placing his own against it. He put a hand around Essek’s neck gently pulling them together.  

“I have said it takes time and I believe that. My path out of the pit did not move straight forward and I had many setbacks, but I have begun the journey. I did so by taking small steps -and sometimes large ones - every day to leave the world slightly better than I found it.  I will never expunge my past crimes, but I can hope to maybe outweigh them in my overall impact on this world. I see you at the beginning of this journey and I know that one of the most important things in the path to redemption was having companions who walked alongside me on my way to finding it. Having the mighty nein who cared for me and loved me unconditionally, despite these terrible pieces of my past was so...essential… in my ability to begin to overcome them.” His whole body seemed to be sagging with the weight of the world and he pulled away to look in into his eyes “Essek, I know it is easy to see only our faults and everything we have done wrong, but I also know that I am still worthy of forgiveness by some, I am still worthy of friendship and chances to redeem myself and even still worthy of love. And I do not believe this myself many days but Veth and the rest of the nein refuse to allow me to forget it and on days when my belief is not enough, theirs is. And that makes me wish to strive to continue to be worthy of their belief in me. You see?”

Essek was nodding but Caleb could see he was drowning in all of his thoughts.

“Come. I have one more room to show you.” He said gently and walked out of this room. Essek blinked and felt the suddenly jarring distance between them and followed Caleb out of the room. His mind was a swarm.

Caleb placed his hands out for Essek who looked at him somewhat quizzically but took them, nonetheless. They floated up while facing one another to the final floor and Caleb revealed it to him. The floor inspired by dunamancy. Essek’s jaw dropped, and his head swivelled as he took in the room.

“It is no secret that I have a great interest in your craft, but I bring you up here not to remind you of all the power to be gained or lost but to show you of what you already have. You have unlocked so many secrets of the world, but you were never given the chance to study the most important lesson. One that also eluded me for many years. All of this “Caleb gestured out” feels so important, the stretching endless expanse of time and the motes of possibility that we can affect. But” he said firmly “It is not nearly as important as the moment we are living right now, and the people that we share that with.” Essek peeled his eyes off the expanse around them and turned his attention back to Caleb who was looking at him with an expression that he had only seen once before as they unlocked the key to the transmogrification spell. It was a mix of adrenaline, elation, apprehension and excitement. Caleb was building up to something and all Essek could do was be shocked that he was floating in this space of utter beauty and being looked at like that, as if he were the most important thing in the room, as if he was a great spell Caleb was trying to learn the inner workings of.

He began to understand the lesson Caleb was trying to impart as he could not pull his eyes away, despite being surrounded by a veritable playground for his mind, his focus was solely affixed to Caleb and what he would say next. He understood what Caleb meant to say with this room about what really mattered in a way that surprised even Essek himself. Caleb tightened his grasp on Essek’s hands and continued.

“If you will allow me to, herr Theylyss, I wish to do for you what has been done for me. I wish to be the person that reminds you that you can and will find your way back to the light. I wish to be the person who believes in you when you cannot believe in yourself, though I suspect I already have Jester’s help with that.” he quirked a small smile “ I wish to be the one who keeps you in the moment and moving forward. I wish to hold your hand” and he looked down at their joined hands “through your journey to finding yourself.” He squeezed their hands together tightly and then he looked back up with nerves clattering “Essek, you are important to me and I have felt a bond with you since the first time we studied together.  That has not gone or broken the way you seem to believe. You have hurt me, yes, but I am still here to hold your hand and hoping that you will prove that my forgiveness is not for nothing. Hoping that you will find a way to be prove that all of this love that I feel for you is not unjustified... for I do not wish for it go to waste.” He searched Essek’s expression and found it unreadable.

Years of practice freezing his face in moments of panic had caused Essek to almost completely shut down while he attempted to process a response. He pulled away from Caleb slightly and sought to pull his hands into a robe he realized he wasn’t wearing. He wished he could hide how his hands were inclined to fidget.

“I uh-” He began “This is much to process.” Essek stammered out. Caleb was already feeling disappointment seep in. He knew that he had thrown a lot of uncomfortable feelings at Essek in a short amount of time, but he had hoped that there would be at least a degree of enthusiasm for his final declaration. Still, he did not want to pressure Essek.

“Of course.” Caleb said failing to hide his disappointment. “I will leave you to your thoughts Herr Theylyss” he said nodding in a formal way.

Essek was still simply busy processing the word love. He was turning it over in his mind and examining it as it was a fully novel concept to him. He tested out how it felt as a description of that odd feeling of warmth in his chest and stomach when he saw Caleb get excited, or smile, or that small tug at an invisible rope in his chest that could be felt when he saw Caleb being good at, well, almost anything. He considered if that had been why Caleb’s opinion had mattered so much more than most. And here he was, standing before Essek and telling him that he could have that love returned. That he felt that way about him. That he was somehow deserving despite all of the things that he had done.

He thought then how he had felt nothing but sympathy and sorrow for Caleb as he heard of what he had done to his parents. He did not blame him for his foolishness in trusting and believing in the things Trent Ikathon had said. Could Essek really be given the same grace?

Around the time that Caleb was just beginning to descend out of the room, Essek’s mind finally caught up with what he had said.

“No!” Essek shouted. “No. No. I did not mean it this way. I just-“ Essek took a breath and felt the mask slipping away and for once he allowed himself to be laid bare in front of someone. Caleb rose back up to his level. “I don’t know if I have ever been loved in the way that you have described. It simply took me a moment to understand. You spoke of loving parents, but I have never been more than a means to end for my family. I was a product of incredible amounts of pressure but never loving care or attention. I was to be useful. Then I became the shadowhand and I had to be distant from the rest. It was my duty to be useful to the bright queen, but it only alienated me further from my peers. It made it easy to betray them when the chance was offered because I had never been close with any of them. I regret so much of what I have done, all the pain that I have caused” Essek grabbed at his own hair and Caleb was surprised to see him allowing himself to be this expressive “but it is made far worse now knowing what friendship and love can be like. To think that I caused people to go off and fight in a war that did not matter and worse that both sides felt losses comparable to what I would feel if you were to be harmed. It feels almost unbearable to know that I could have caused that much pain” Essek began sputtering, tears streaming down his face. “And still, you stand before me and say that I am worthy of redemption and that I am worthy of love?” Essek was ranting now but it was as if so many of the feelings he had always held down couldn’t help but burst forth now that they were given a small bit of freedom. Caleb wrapped his arms around him and held him close, with one hand stroking his hair. Essek rambled on “you had it right when you said I had missed an essential lesson along the way. How could I have been so blinded by my research and studies to never see that the people they would benefit were the point, not knowledge for knowledge’s own sake? And still, you hold me as if I am something precious rather than wretched. It is a kindness greater than I deserve for truthfully, I can tell that you know the weight of what you have done, but until today, until now, I still had never comprehended the depths of the pain my actions caused… to so many.”

At this Essek dissolved into sobs and Caleb held him through them. He kept stroking Essek’s hair and gave him small soft kisses on the top of his hair and waited for the sobbing to peter out. He did everything he wished someone could have done for him when he was going through this. Eventually it seemed Essek had cried himself out. He was still shaking and there were tear lines stained into his purple skin, but he pulled himself back a little to look at Caleb. Before Essek could apologize again Caleb said again:

“It takes time.” Essek nodded sadly and put his hand out for Caleb who clasped it and kissed it his knuckles lightly. “But.” Caleb continued “that does not mean you must spend it alone. I meant what I said. If you wish to be loved and reminded of all the things you are worth and what makes the moment worth living in, I am happy to offer that to you. And perhaps together we can work to make the world a little bit better than when we found it ja? So no other young people go unloved or get led astray?”

Essek was still feeling a whole spectrum of emotions but was able to centre himself enough to unabashedly meet Caleb’s eyes and spoke.

“Yes, I think I would very much like to do that, but with one stipulation.” Caleb smiled at the return of some of Essek’s former, confident demeanor “I know you have many in your life with more experience in affection than I, but I would like to offer my love, as … untested as it imay be, in trade. Together we can hypothesize,experiment and test its bounds until you believe it is up to your standards? Do these conditions seem fair to you?” Caleb was smiling in a way that made Essek pleased, and caused him to consider being reckless once more.

“Ja I think that is accepta-” and before Caleb could finish, Essek pulled him into a kiss. He wrapped his arms around Caleb’s waist and Caleb’s hands found their way into Essek’s hair. They kissed deeply and with the release of the many conflicting emotions both of them had felt over the past weeks.

Essek found the texture of Caleb’s lips and stubble to be a bit surprising but planned on savouring every bit of the feeling. He approached this kiss almost like learning a new spell from Caleb, and followed his lead through the unfamiliar, for though Essek had kissed before, never with much feeling behind it, and this was an entirely different experience. His heart was pounding in his ears, his chest felt full of fireworks and there was something that felt hooked inside of both of them, drawing them closer. It was a startling powerful sensation.

Caleb was surprised not only by the kiss but by the intensity it quickly developed. He felt Essek’s hands pushing into his back and keeping him close, and the soft strands of essek’s hair moving beneath his fingers and the warmth of Essek’s lips and was intoxicated, drinking in every last bit of the experience that he could.

Finally, they broke apart, both flushed and breathing heavily. Essek found himself smoothing down the front of Caleb’s shirt for something to do and pulling a few pieces of cat hair off of it as he asked:

“May I ask something of your path to redemption?” He continued to try to compose his features but couldn’t resist the smile that kept making itself known on his face. It was a broader smile than Caleb had ever seen on Essek and it made his chest squeeze. He thought it would be a new mission of his to procure that smile more often.

“Yes Essek?”

“If we do not have to be alone, are we also allowed happiness? For I must admit that I think this is the happiest I have been in… sometime, perhaps ever.” Caleb thought and looked serious.

“I think so yes. I have to believe that is so.”

“In that case, I think we should kiss more often.” And at that Caleb laughed a full and genuine laugh and kissed Essek on the cheek following by cupping his face in his hands, allowing his thumb draw over the spot that was just kissed.

“Ja. That can certainly be arranged.” and he pulled Essek’s face down for another kiss on the forehead. “But for tonight I think it best if we both get some rest.” He grabbed Essek’s hand once more and descended into the tower, closing doorways behind them until they stopped at Essek’s room.

“I think I may need some time to wind down after all of that” Essek admitted.

“I think I shall be similar.” Caleb agreed.

“In that case, do you wish to read a while with me? Only I had noticed someone had placed 2 chairs in my reading nook.” Essek said with a conspiratorial smile. Caleb seemed to debate with himself a moment before coming in.

“But if I do not recover my spells, I will have to blame you Theylyss.”

“These terms are acceptable to me” Essek replied with a smile that belied his serious tone. And they each took an armchair and began reading, with their hands held between them.

Eventually Essek awoke from a trance he hadn’t even noticed he’d fallen into. His book had fallen into his lap and his hand had drifted out of Caleb’s somewhere in the night. He only required a short trance to be rested but Caleb would need more sleep and was currently snoring lightly from his armchair. Essek cautiously placed both of their books aside and used his levitation spell to float Caleb gently over to the bed. He tucked Caleb in and gave him the gentlest kiss on the forehead and then used the chalkboard above the bed to scrawl I was worried about your neck and shoulders which he felt had just the right amount of cheeky touch.

Essek pondered getting into the bed as well but felt it may be too presumptuous, so instead he sat at the desk at his study and began writing out the events of the night, hoping to capture it’s every detail. Though he had a good memory, he hoped to preserve this turning point for himself the way Caleb preserved history in his rooms upstairs. So, he wrote while Caleb slept.

When the hustle and bustle of the others moving about the tower finally awoke Caleb, he had the moment of concern that arises when waking in a different spot than where you fell asleep, until he saw the message above the bed and smiled to himself.

“The world better watch out if one kiss is all it takes to get Essek Theylyss to start writing jokes” Caleb called out to the room.

Essek came over, looking somehow more perfect than ever this morning (Caleb being unaware that Essek had fussed by the mirror for 20 minutes for the perfectly tousled look…) and handed Caleb a coffee that he had summoned via the cat system. Caleb took it gratefully as he sat up in bed and Essek came to sit next to him on the edge of the bed.

“Imagine what will happen after 2,3 or even 100 kisses?” Caleb continued his jibe. Essek simply raised an eyebrow at him:

“I suppose we will have to test it to find out.”  

“I suppose we will” Caleb replied with a grin.

[salamanderskin]

For the anon who wanted Caduceus + Sniffles

Thanks for ask, fellow Caduceus fan. This is brought to you by my obsession with Cad saying ‘uh-oh’ before he sneezes, Team Cleric and found family taking care of each other.

The kitchen in the Xhorhaus is bright and warm, populated by one familiar firbolg who is tackling the enormous pile of dirty dishes. Caleb had only meant to grab a glass of water before returning to his books but it is impossible not to pause when Caduceus calls out, "Hey Caleb, there's tea and cookies on the table."

No matter how long he lives with his friends, Caleb will never, ever get used to this. It always makes him warm inside as he takes one and sits at the long wooden table, reading forgotten for now. "Did you make these?" "No, Jester did." "And you are cleaning up after her because-?" Caduceus just shrugs and is soon up both elbows in washing-up.It's very calm in the kitchen, though not quiet. The part of Caleb's mind that is always alert tracks the slight sounds of sloshing water, dishes in the sink, creaks on the floowboards above and soft sniffles from Caduceus every few minutes. 

-snf snf-- as Caduceus carries a stack of pots over from the stove. 

A more insistent -snfSNF- followed by the clatter of pans put down quickly and-

His first panicked thought is that Caduceus might be crying. He hears the chaotic gasps of breath, sees his broad hands reaching to hide his face

."heh… heh-- 'chsshoo!  'scuse me." Ah, it was only a sharp little sneeze, half-smothered into the cup of Caduceus' hands.

"Gesundheit."

"Thank you." The firbolg runs the back of his wrist under his muzzle and sniffles again before returning the washing up.Caleb is paying closer attention now. It is a little comical, the way Caduceus can't itch at his nose because both his hands are soaked with soapy water, forcing him to scrunch up his muzzle and sniffle. His progress is hindered by sudden, flinching sneezes which he tries his best to direct away from the sink. 

"Uh oh… uhhCHshhhoo!- CHsshoo!" 

Despite his efforts, soap suds drift into the air. Those plus the steaming water can't be helping at all, Caleb thinks.

The third time it happens, Caduceus actually has to stop what he's doing, dry his hands on a tea towel and pinch under his nose under the sneezing stops. He looks so uncharacteristically frustrated that Caleb comes over to place a hand on his shoulder.

  "Are you feeling alright?"

 "Yeah, just…" Caduceus scrubs at his nose again, "sniffles."

 "So I hear." "I'm sorry, it must be very annoying." 

"Worse for you, I think- gesundheit!"- Caleb finishes as Caduceus sneezes another sharp IIiSshhoo! that rocks him back on his heels. 

"If you keep this up I will set Jester on you." 

"Hah." Caduceus laughs. "I'm sure there's no need. I'm gonna go grab a hankie and take a tea break and I'll be good to go."

"I'll hold you to that." Caleb affirms and takes the rest of his tea back to the study where he can drink it in peace.

. ……….

They share dinner that evening. Caduceus is really getting the hang of cooking the unfamiliar foods available in Rosohna and most of it is quite delicious, though perhaps heavier on mushrooms and lighter on rats than the rest of the party might prefer. After the meal Caleb looks to his friend to offer thanks and finds him looking distinctly worse for wear. Caduceus clears the plates away as if on autopilot, his eyes looking somewhere else. When the human taps him on the shoulder, Caduceus starts in surprise. 

"Oh, sorry, I was somewhere else." His voice sounds soft and hoarse, punctuated by a few rogue sniffles. Caleb is no cleric but even he can see that Caduceus looks tired and unwell. He raises an eyebrow.

 "You look done in. Sit down, someone else can do the dishes. Possibly Jester"

"Did someone say my name?!" 

As if summoned, everyone's favourite blue tiefling appears out of nowhere to lean against the counter.

"Ah, I was just suggesting that you could do the washing up."

 Jester huffs and rolls her eyes theatrically but grabs her apron nonetheless.  "We really, really need to get some servants or something. I shouldn't be expected to- oh, what's the matter with Caduceus?"

"I'm fine." Jester shares a glance with Caleb as Caduceus chooses that moment to double over and sneeze  "heh-- 'chsshoo!" into his elbow as discreetly as he can manage. 

"Come here. Let me look at you."

"Just a -snf- just a s-seh-cond-" His voice cracks. "hah-chIISShoo! Oh dear."

"Bless you. Now come here." 

Caduceus casts a wary glance at Caleb who pats him firmly on the back. 

"I'm not letting you escape this one, my friend. Let her do her job for once." 

"Yeah, let me--- hey! Cay-leb!" Jester's cheeks colour in outrage at the gentle jab. "I'm a very good healer, actually. It's not my fault that normally Caduceus gets in there before I get a chance. You just watch."

 It's a little comical: Jester rising to her tiptoes to try and examine a seven foot tall firbolg who does not look at all convinced, until he concedes and kneels to let her examine his features at her own level. He actually blushes a little, which only draws more attention to how red and sore his nose looks.

"Aw, your ears are all pressed back against your head. Like a sad puppy." Jester mourns.

"They do that." Caduceus sniffles.  "Say aaah." Caduceus duly opens his mouth and gives them both a good look at his tonsils. Jester's hands wander to the side of his neck, feeling his temperature and probing for sore glands. "How do you feel?"

"Nothing serious. Tired. Throat's a little sore. Runny nose."

"Aww." Jester coos and presses a kiss to the crown of his head, into the soft pink hair. "You're sick for sure." 

"Is that your diagnosis, High Priestess Cleric?" Caleb laughs. "What about treatment?" She sighs. "Well, I didn't actually prepare any restoration spells today and I'm assuming you didn't either, Caduceus, or you'd have healed yourself already?"

 Caduceus nods and returns to standing, coughing to clear his throat. 

"That's true, though for minor illnesses my family usually just let it run its course. It builds your immune system."

"That's the stupidest thing I ever heard!" Caleb can only nod in agreement. "From what I understand, the theory is sound, but we may need you fighting fit at a moment's notice. Besides, I do not want to see you uncomfortable. None of us do."

That makes Caduceus smile even as he sniffles. 

Jester nods, making her mind up. "Caduceus you should go and sit down, Caleb will do the washing up and I will make hot chocolate for you."

 "I already have some tea-" He protests.

"Yes, but what you really need is hot chocolate. Cleric's orders." Jester gives him a stern look. "Do I argue with you when you're healing people?"

Before the firbolg can protest that yes, she often does, he is taken by the arm, led into the common room and pushed gently onto a sofa between Yasha and Fjord. 

"Caduceus is getting sick so everyone has to be really nice to him, okay?" Jester announces to the room at large. Beau laughs from her place beside the fire. 

"Aahh, I was considering beating him up, but it can wait."

 "I wasn't planning on being anything else?" Fjord says a beat later, bemused. 

"I will return with hot chocolate for everyone. It's medicinaaaal," Jester sings as she disappears back to the kitchen, leaving the rest of the Mighty Nein blinking in surprise and Caduceus looking embarrassed but pleased.

"Are you really sick, 'Deucey?" Veth asks cautiously.

Caduceus can only sigh and nod. The cracked edge to his voice speaks for itself so he just adds, "Just a little sniffly. Jester is determined to take very good care of me and it's in everyone's best interest to do what she wants."

"That sounds wise." Veth nods. "And hey, hot chocolate! I'm gonna put booze in mine!"

"Can I put some in mine too?" Yasha pipes up.

 This devolves into a heated discussion about whether whiskey or rum would be a better choice. Caduceus lets it wash over him and leans back onto the sofa. He does feel tired now, the joint aching tiredness that comes with a cold. His throat feels sore and hot, his sinuses full and itchy but he is too comfortable to reach for a handkerchief just at this moment.

He can feel the half-orc's body heat and is grateful for it. Without thinking leans until he rests against Fjord's shoulder, his long hair sweeping over them both like a veil. A shiver runs through him and Fjord responds by tucking an arm around him. It's really, really nice. 

He has to ruin the moment by wrenching upright to sneeze away from his friends and over his lap. 

"huhhKShh!- KKShh!- ehhKSshoo!"Ugh, he can't stop and the others paused in their conversation to stare at him. "Heh- s'cuse mbe- KKHssshhoo!" He is vaguely aware of Fjord rubbing his back as he sneezes a few more times. "Ugh. Sorry," he excuses himself and flops back into the sofa with a groan.

 Fjord is still looking at him fondly, unphased. "Can I say Wildmother bless you? Is that a thing?"

"I guess so. Thadk you, Fjord."

 At that moment Jester and Caleb reenter the living room carrying trays of steaming mugs. Jester looks positively joyful as she takes in the crackling fire, her friends gathered round and her patient resting on the sofa. Even Caleb looks somewhat at peace. Frumpkin is around his shoulders, purring. "This is nice, isn't it guys?" Jester says for all of them.

 "It really is." Caduceus says, and means it. He'd put up with a lot of sniffles for this.

[unicyclehippo]

Kairos - a propitious moment for decision or action. For beaujester?

There are rules for this world. There are rules and ways of doing things correctly, which means, conversely, that there are ways of doing things incorrectly. For some, this means that they are liable to be caught in the harsh, designated lines of decreed law: things simply are as they are, as they have always been, and to fight against this is... arrogance, some might say and be correct in that. Arrogance and folly, and deeply sad. To struggle, forever, against something that is permanent. Immutable. 

There are very few things in this world that are permanent and immutable. There are many things in the world that, upon one’s first, and third, and nine-hundredth examination seem permanent and immutable. For example, on Tarth Wavesinger’s first, third, and nine-hundredth attempt to sing the wind into their sails - and on every attempt between - they failed. On Tarth Wavesinger’s nine-hundredth and first attempt, however, they discovered a shred of a song that, in storybooks and tales is said to have delighted the winds so much that it was eager to help, just to hear what the next note might be. And now, if one is patient, if one has the time and energy and knack for it, if the sky is clear and the wind is not engaged elsewhere, it is possible to call on the eastern wind. 

Beau taps the dull end of her pencil to the page, reads over the words again. 

‘D’you think this is real? Caleb?’

‘Hm?’

‘This book says that it’s possible to sing a song and the winds will listen to the call of ancient humans, who once sailed the seas alongside their elemental ancestors. Does that - sound like something that’s real, or does it sound like a story? I guess it could be both.’

‘Ja.’

‘Are you listening to me?’

‘Ja.’

‘Do you smell like cat piss?’

‘Ja.’

Beau throws her eraser at him, smirks when it hits his temple, knocking him to the side. ‘Hey!’

‘You weren’t listening to me!’

‘I was, though! You asked about elementals and conjuring wind, and if I was listening, and if I smell like cat urine.’

‘Piss.’

‘it is the same thing, Beauregard. I heard you.’

‘Why do you smell like that?’

‘I don’t know how many times I have to tell you and Fjord this,’ Caleb says with a heated note banked like an ember in his reasonable tone, ‘but Frumpkin is a real cat. Sometimes, he takes a piss. Sometimes, he does it on my coat. If it bothers you so much, you do not have to sit and read with me.’

‘Is that you being polite and you want me to leave, or...’ Caleb fixes her with ice-blue eyes for a second before returning to his books. Beau begins to make all of the most annoying sounds that she can imagine, lounging as she is on Veth’s bunk in their shared cabin. Eventually, she starts to entertain herself by trying to hoot like a monkey, not the same as what Frumpkin had been but more like the raucous creatures that had swung through the canopy of the creepy snake island they’d gone to with Fjord, before Caleb finally caves and lifts his eyes once more. He’d stopped reading a full three minutes earlier but she can admire his determination to ignore her.

‘Beauregard.’

‘Yeah, man.’

‘Please get out.’

‘Aye, aye. Don’t forget to eat something or you’ll get scurvy.’

‘I will eat something.’

Beau rolls off the bunk and, largely unread book on the fucking secrets of the universe or whatever she’d brazenly lifted from the stacks of the Cobalt Reserve tucked under her arm, she saunters from the cabin and up onto the deck. Everything smells heavily of salt and a little bit like smoke and some acrid, chemical scent Beau can’t place until she looks to the stern of the ship where one of their new friends is showing Veth a strange, tube-like device she calls a rifle. The gunpowder used for the cannons smells similar, though not entirely so, and within a few minutes of watching them Beau can ascertain that the contained explosion with the use of the powder packed into it and the small ball-bearing type ammunition would create a propulsive mechanism with the use of - what? flint maybe? - to send a metal ball flying at considerably high-speed and impact with considerable damage. 

‘Do you think it’s safe for them to be doing that on the ship?’ Fjord asks as Beau climbs to the wheel where he has taken his place.

‘No, absolutely not. I don’t think you should ever have given Nott - Veth - access to the cannons, I super don’t think she should have been your cannon person, gun monkey, whatever they’re called - ‘

‘Too late to take that offer back.’

‘ - and I think that Luc is gonna get a gun for Summer’s Eve and I can’t - I don’t think I can catch those.’

‘You can try.’

‘I got shot by Veth already once and that bullet is still in my ass,’ she tells Fjord, whose face creases into a strange expression, half laugh, half grimace. ‘I’m not going anywhere near them.’

‘Well, there’s closer to Veth and the weird weapon she’s pointing right at us,’ Fjord says with a true note of fear to his voice, ‘or there is Jester at the front of the ship,’

Back of the ship, then, Beau’s brain immediately supplies. 

‘There’s a guilty face.’

‘Huh? What? Who?’

‘You.’ Beau scoffs, loudly, insincerely, and unconvincingly. Fjord looks pained for her. ‘I don’t know what is going on between the two of you,’

‘Nothing.’

‘- but whatever it is, sort it out.’ He gives her a little nudge with his elbow, nods toward Jester. It’s fate conspiring against her that Jester turns in that moment and catches them watching, catches Fjord pointing Beau toward her, because even at a distance Beau can see the way she turns hopefully toward her. And how she draws back, draws closer to herself, arms wrapping around her waist.

‘She looks like I’m gonna hit her or something,’ Beau mutters.

‘You should probably fix that.’

‘I don’t know how, dude.’

‘Maybe, and I don’t know how good of advice this is, but maybe - just putting it out there - you could try, oh I don’t know, talking to her?’ He laughs when Beau shoves at him, pretends that he didn’t actually get shoved several feet off-balance. ‘Go on. It’s not like we have anything else vital to do before we meet up with the other armada.’

She still has the book with her, Beau realises as she makes her way down the steps toward Jester. She still has the book and ink stains over her fingers and she knows she hasn’t washed her hair in days because they don’t have bathtubs on a boat, and she had picked up this book totally at random from the shelves of the Reserve but maybe, maybe, it has some kind of secret meaning in it and she can find whatever that meaning is in the two seconds before she makes it to Jester’s side. Beau has enough time to read the title once - The Accounts of Immutability and Invention - before she is standing beside Jester.

‘Hey.’

‘Hey,’ Jester says back, musters up a smile for her. 

The sea is flat and still, as flat and still as the sea gets, which is not so much like the mirror-glass stillness of a lake or pond but more like the slow and lazy breathing of a creature at rest, the water rising and falling and the boards of the ship still sometimes falling away from under her feet. Beau’s stomach lurches as the deck tilts again, and she rights herself with a shift of her feet, rolling with it. The air is still as well, the sails fallen slack. 

‘Did you know there’s a song to conjure wind?’ Beau blurts out. ‘It was discovered early in the Age of Arcanum by a human called Tarth Wavesinger and it’s thought to be one of the earliest recorded instances of music being used as a focus for magic.’

Jester frowns. Brushes her hair off from her face. ‘Like, a gust cantrip?’

‘Uh - yeah. Probably.’

‘That’s cool.’

‘Yeah.’ Beau swallows. Flicks her eyes to the ship most closely sailing by The Balleater, a small Dwendalian vessel. She can’t make out the name at this distance but pretends to be trying. 

‘Is that it?’

‘Huh?’

‘Is that all you wanted to say?’ Jester asks, and when Beau dares to sneak a look sideways at her, she sees that Jester is holding herself very still and her face is a performance in nonchalance.

‘Uh. Yeah. Yeah, I guess.’

Jester purses her lips. ‘Okay.’

For however displeased Jester is with her - Beau suspects mightily displeased - she doesn’t move away. And as the boat rocks underfoot and as the wind picks up, and falls, and the booms shift overhead as they tack into the fleeting wind, Beau thinks about Tarth Wavesinger singing their song and adjusting it minutely note by note until finally something answered. She wonders how many times she’s spoken to Jester; there have been hundreds of conversations between them now, easily, she knows. Nine hundred? Maybe. Not that it is a magic number or anything, or that she knows what she wants to conjure, or change, if indeed she did want anything to change. 

Well. 

That isn’t entirely true.

‘Are we okay?’

‘Are we?’ Jester shoots back with barely a breath between Beau finishing her question and her response. ‘You tell me.’

‘I’m gonna go with a no? Just...picking up on that...feeling.’

Jester whirls from the railing to stand face-on with Beau, staring at the side of her head until Beau also turns to face her. ‘Do you really think he’s predatory?’ Jester demands.

‘Oh. Shit.’

‘Well? He’s a god, Beau,’

‘I mean, he isn’t though.’

That was the wrong thing to say. That was definitely the wrong thing to say. Jester’s expression makes that abundantly clear. If there was anything between them that might have happened with this conversation, any fractured paths laid out as possibilities like a great wheel of a ship waiting to be directed, they are all pointing unerringly toward the singular option of Beauregard fucks up. 

‘Wow.’

‘That’s - it’s turning out, like, if there were degrees in which the whole situation could be so super shitty,’ Beau holds one hand out far to the left, ‘and like, the best possible options,’ she holds her other far out to the right, as far as her arm will extend with the book tucked between elbow and chest, ‘then, y’know,’ she tries to sound encouraging, tilting her head from one side to the other non-committedly, ‘it’s going not terribly.’

‘So you were basically lying when you said all you said about having chaos in your heart and following him wherever and liking the Traveller and him doing cool stuff and,’

‘I said I’d follow you. I don’t know the Traveller - Artagan,’

‘Traveller.’

‘Artagan,’ Beau says again, more firmly, and when she meets Jester’s eyes it is to see a gleam of hurt too profound for Beau to have been the entire cause of it. She lowers her hands to her sides, steps forward. ‘Jes,’

‘Don’t.’

Beau stops, hand frozen where she had gone to touch her friend gently on the elbow. Guilt claws in her chest. She looks back over her shoulder to Fjord, much too far away to hear anything and yet shaking his head, obviously able to pick up on the fact that she’s fucked it up again. 

‘Jester,’

She drops her head to her chest, hiding her face from Beau. 

‘Shit. Crap. Please don’t cry.’ Beau shuffles her things around, pulling the cloth belt from around her waist to offer to Jester. She tries not to regret it when Jester blows her nose forcefully into the cloth. ‘Okay. Uh - look - I’m an idiot and an asshole, we know that,’

‘Don’t make me disagree with you when I’m angry with you, Beau.’

‘Okay. Okay. You’re right. Okay. I - am not always...’ Beau pauses, considering her words carefully. ‘I have issues with authority, and dads, and sketchy corrupt figures who tell people to do things and who aren’t around to take responsibility for their actions. I think the people who take all the flak for that, the people who take the fall, the people who are fighting the wars on behalf of generals sitting behind their fucking desks and playing paper wars deserve better. And maybe I’m crossing ideas in my head that don’t need to be crossed and defending you when you don’t need to be defended, but I see this guy and I hear that he found you when you were a kid and I start thinking of all the shit that could have happened and about what he wants you to do for him now and - I think you deserve better,’ Beau tells Jester. ‘I think out of everyone in the world you deserve someone who deserves all of your trust and faith and,’

‘I love him, Beau.’ Jester shakes her head, sniffles. ‘He’s been my best friend forever and I know he’s not what I expected but...no one is. Right?’

Beau sighs. ‘I guess not.’

‘I think...the further away from mama and the Chateau I got, the more people I met, that’s what I keep finding out. That people lie all the time and they’re not who they say they are and they do good things and bad things. And the bad things they do...don’t erase the good things,’ Jester tells her. ‘The Traveller has been my friend for years and years and years and he’s saved my life and yours.’

‘Yeah.’

‘And so, okay, he’s not a god. He was a god to me, and he’s a god to a lot of people still, and maybe it isn’t great that he’s not actually a god and it’s kind of a lot and scary and maybe I’m hurt right now but...he is helping a lot of people with the lie. Lots of people made friends and had fun because of him. That’s not bad, is it?’

‘...No,’ Beau admits. ‘No, it’s not.’

‘So when you think about it that way, do you still think he’s a creep?’

Jester looks up at her with diamond across her skin and diamond motes of light in her eyes, and Beau knows this could be the moment - she could say no, say that she trusts the Traveller and Jester and that everything will be great, and Jester will forgive her and more importantly be happy again, and,

‘Yeah.’

Jester stares at her. ‘Oh.’

‘I don’t trust someone who doesn’t...’ Beau frowns heavily, trying to pick her words. It doesn’t fucking matter at this point, she’s lost Jester for good probably, but she still loathes the idea of hurting Jester worse than she already is, so she picks her words carefully. ‘I don’t trust someone who doesn’t at the core of themself...care. I know what that sounds like coming from me, I do, but Jes, so many things go wrong in this world because people don’t care about other people. And Arta- the Traveller said himself that the only thing that matters is what he wants, right in that moment.’

‘Right, but,’

‘What if,’ Beau suggests softly, ‘he decides one day that he wants to turn every one of his followers into a tree.’

‘That would be cool.’

‘I don’t think it would be. I’m a hundred per cent biased about it, but I don’t want you to be a tree, Jester.’

‘I’d make a pretty tree.’

‘You’d be lovely. But you wouldn’t be Jester. And I don’t know if he would find that fun, or if he could change you back, but if he wanted to do that to people - do you really, honestly think that he would ask first?’ Beau ducks her head, crouches a little, to try and catch Jester’s eyes with her own. ‘Do you think he would ask?’

‘I - yes. I’ve known him forever, Beau, you only just met him. He’s not bad,’

‘I don’t think he’s bad. But I also don’t think he’s good. And there’s a big grey area there that I’m not comfortable with. I’m sorry, Jes. I wish - I really wish I could tell you that I like him and that I’d follow him, I really, really do.’

‘But you won’t,’ Jester says, with a rueful twist of a smile. ‘Because it’s not true. And you never lie.’ There’s a bitter note to the words that stings like salt in a wound and Beau stares at Jester for a moment. She isn’t sure if she’s daring Jester to ask her something, or tell her something, or working up the courage to speak herself. She just keeps staring. ‘I think... I want to be alone for a bit,’ Jester says.

Beau swallows hard. Her mouth is dry, bone-dry and all she can taste is salt.

‘Okay.’

[princessamericachavez]

Little Fjorester things from ep 115

I KNOW THEY WERE LITTLE BUT LET ME ENJOY THE CRUMBS WE GET BECAUSE THEY ARE STILL ADORABLE LIKE PLS:

Jester giving Fjord her sketchbook?

Like, that’s basically her diary and the way she worship(ed) the traveler and there’s probably so many personal things in there

AND YOU’RE TELLING ME IT’S IN HIS POSSESSION RIGHT NOW?

He said he shoved it into his pocket after Daggen’s awful sketch but like

will Travis remember he has it?? (probably not)

Did he see anything as he passed the pages to find a blank page? (yes pls lemme dream) 

JUST LOOK AT THEM

It’s like she’s giving him a little piece of herself and he’s so happy to accept it, I’m-

“What if they turn into turtles or something?? Fjord, that would be your nightmare!” 

LMFAO THE BANTER I CAN’T DJAFÑAJD

“Some creatures hunt for sport here.”

Jester: “The animals?”

Fjord (softly): “I don’t think he’s talking about animals.”

LOOK AT HIS FACE HE’S SO SOOOOOOFT

Jester: “Oh... the monsters. Right.”

“What if it starts like just a physical thing but then slowly over the week’s that you’re guiding them you start to realize, like, ‘oh my gos, I think I might t have feelings for them but I can’t let them know because there’s an unwritten code’ and it gets awkward and then the long glances”

[...] “And then you have to pretend, you have to pretend for the rest of your life that it didn’t mean anything!”

YEAH

YOU KNOW WHAT

YOU KNOW WHAT LAURA BAILEY

YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO COME FOR ME (and your hubby) LIKE THAT

okay okay okay moving on

listen 

THE SCRY

like the way he starts all casual and curious fjord because that’s how he usually is and trying to be all coy about it but then Matt Mercer blesses us by specifying it’s only a couple feet away from Jester

And you can see the moment it CLICKS’s for Fjord that this orb is scrying on Jester

AND DAMN FJORD JUST FREEZES LIKE THIS FOR A SOLID FIVE SECONDS 

AND JUST GIVES A LITTLE ‘HMM’ AND THE SMALLEST NOD

AS HE REALIZES

DLKFJAÑDKLFJA

FJORD GOING INTO PROTECTIVE MODE YESSSSSS

And That’s when he actually walks straight to the thing, still pretending not to see it

and he steps next to it and does this sharp breath as he turns to look at Jester

Right before he drops that bomb 

“It seems like we’re not the only ones watching. If you try to hurt my friends I will hunt you down to the ends of the earth. Keep. Your. Distance.”

I’M SO SAD THAT LUCIEN PROBABLY DIDN’T HEAR THAT 

LISTEN

MATT

PLS JUST BEND THE RULES FOR ME

GIVE IT TO ME PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

still *breaths in and out* okay it’s fine because he still said that, still meant it, so it’s fineeee

AND THE WAY HE TELLS HER

Trying to soften the blow, clearly, because he doesn’t want to make her anxious

“But, Jester, it was located where you were. Perhaps it’s the Gentleman or perhaps it’s...”

“I don’t think he can do it.”

And then Veth suggests Lucien knows Jester now because of the scrying spell and he’s immediately like “Does Lucien know her now, though, because of the scrying spell?”

“Fjord, if that happens again, just wake me up. I can dispel it.”

IDK THEIR QUIET LOOKS 

LOOK AT THEM

And then Fjord and Caduceus bring up the possibility that Lucien could properly see Jester and not just a ‘scrying ball’ 

And she’s clearly distressed by it

So Jester does what Jester does and jokes about how she might have looked like inside the ball

And Fjord plays along, sort of, saying her mouth was open when she slept which is definitely an attempt to cheer her up

“You were sleeping with your mouth open, if it’s any consolation.”

And it works because it’s funny and just LOOK AT THEM

HE’S SO PROUD THAT HE MADE HER SMILE AT LEAST A LITTLE

every time 

im just

The way they always focus on each other during group chaos

like how she’s so offended that fjord suggests yasha use her sword to dispel the necromantic stone

“I can dispel it! I have dispel!”

“Oh, right!”

LMFAO LOOK AT THIS DUMMIES 

(also some side delicious Beauyasha with Beau yelling “i am not having yasha walk up and hit it with her sword!)

okay and then, of course, Jester wants to pull a prank pointing people towards the Emerald 

and first when Caleb tries to disuade her because “that’s murder” she snaps back “well they should be smarter than that” (lol meaning Caleb)

but then Fjord says “it’s a bit much” and says he would’ve gone for it if he’d seen her sign and her immediate response is so much softer like-

And then by the end, after they both try to convince her...

they share this super long glance and he quietly says “leave it?” and she finally gives in 

BECAUSE SHE TRUSTS HIS JUDGEMENT THE MOST OK???

SHE DOES

AND HE’S USUALLY DOWN FOR SHENANIGANS EXCEPT IF SOMEONE COULD GET HURT

AND HE KNOWS SHE DOESN’T WANT PEOPLE TO GET HURT

BECAUSE, LIKE HE SAID IN RUMBLECUSP, HE KNOWS SHE CARES

OK OK OK OK

look listen this is ooc but also not so hear me out

so they went to break before the yeti attack right?

and jester and fjord were both inside of the net

and then Yasha helps Jester out of it 

but Travis is still super stressed and looking at his spells 

AND I’M PRETTY SURE HE WAS PLANING ON HOW TO GET THEM BOTH OUT WITH A SPELL OR SOMETHING

(they probably planned it on the break???) 

because Laura turns to Travis and she’s like “did you hear that? I just got free of the net” and his whole body language relaxes like “oh, good... wait how” 

anyway

YES HE WAS GOING TO GET HER OUT YOU CAN’T CHANGE MY MIND

and then and then and then

before they realized Fjord had advantage to get out of the net

they were planning for him to shoot eldritch blast

and then jester was going to hold the net up for him

LISTEN 

i choose to imagine this conversation happened during battle ok?

you can’t stop me

and speaking about fjorester being protective of each other

Lucien messages Jester

and a) travis just drops the thing he’s looking at which is hilarious, b) fjord does not look happy when jester tells them, but not in an angry way but in a *hundred yards stare i’m gonna kill that fucker* kinda thing

Fjord, after noticing another scrying orb: Oh, yes... they seem to be locked on you again. 

Jester: *fails to dispel it*

Jester: Is it gone?

Fjord, looking at it: Yes.

Fjord: You got it. 

Jester: Really? Oh my gosh! I’m so good at this!

LOOK AT THAT SMILE OKAY HE IS SO IN LOVE I CAN’T

OKAY FIRST OF ALL

THIS IS ONLY THE SECOND LIE FJORD HAS EVER TOLD JESTER AND THAT FUCKS ME UP OKAY?

BUT ALSO 

he’s just trying to ease her mind 

she’s clearly upset what with lucien being able to see her, scrying on her and now messaging her... she’s annoyed and pissed and —scared—

so Fjord, going back to his protective mode, lies to ease her mind

if there’s nothing they can do about the scrying right now, at least he can make her feel like she got back at the fucker who dispelled her before

okay that’s all

tune in next week (maybe) for more yelling

who’s excited for tonight?

[interestray]

it’s always a good moment when I see a critical role episode with so many things happening that my adhd can’t help but develop a mind of its own, so now that my hyper-fixations have stopped beating the shit out of me theres a couple things I wanna bring up most of it theory stuff and the rest personal things. btw its a long post be warned.

SPOILER ALERT- I’m talking about ep 117 of critical role and its a doozy.

 I’ve doing my recent posts in a different format and I’m liking it so I’m gonna use it here. btw I gonna mention some ship stuff I want to make clear I have no hate for any ships mentioned but unless I say I like the ship just assume I’m indifferent.

1. I gonna say I called it because even if I’m wrong about about future stuff I was right that it’s not just Lucien in that body, even if Lucien is completely right about molly as the group knew him is gone forever Molly (which I don’t believe at all) is still a fragment of lucien’s soul. now past that I do think molly as a conscious being is still in there and trying to connect with his friends. why? because theres this weird disconnect with how lucien acts communicating with the m9 from a far vs in person, in person it seems like he had his guard way up but when they scry or message him the barrier is lowered a bit I think when his guard isn’t up Molly bleeds into his actions and mind more. I personally see Lucien at being 130% whole because Molly grew into his own thing.

2. regarding my predictions for this episode I’m gonna give myself 2 points (with 1 of the points being made up of half points) I was hoping for flirting and I think we definitely got some version of flirting between Lucien and Caleb so I get a half point for that, not gonna lie I was a little freaked out (in a good way) how fast Lucien zeroed in on Caleb, I hope if things don’t go pear shaped we get to see those two interact more.

3. Personal thing I really wanted to smack Fjord and Veth for most of the episode like they both had moments of being rational (fjord more so) but for the most part i just want to slap them.

4. it was kind of hilarious to see how freaked out Lucien was of the m9, like there was a little of the bad kind of freaked out feeling I think it was mostly like how Ludinus felt meeting Jester. like poor Lucien he’s just doing his thing and suddenly this group of puppies imprints on him and follows him around poor guy. Seems like Lucien has so distrust towards the tomb takers with the whole ‘we are one’ thing, it seemed to be a recent development. I’ve seen people talk about whether the tomb takers/Cree will backstab Lucien I think it’s possible.

5. I think some members of the m9 have realized Caleb’s not doing ok, most likely from the corpse scene and him talking over Beau (bad caleb bad). what they do with this info is gonna be interesting I personally think Cad should talk with him in private maybe have yasha there as well (also hugs please someone hug the sad wizard man him and Yasha both need it).

6. personal thing I don’t understand jester x Fjord as a possible canon ship at this point in the story like i got it in early campaign but I think they’ve both grown and changed to the point where a relationship between the two would end quickly after starting (whether in tears or not). the only times I like seeing their romantic interactions is when Laura and Travis bleed through and at that point its nots really jester and fjord. again no hate you do you I just don’t understand the appeal.

7. I’ve not watched campaign 1 for a few reasons yet but I’ve done research on some of the bigger events one of which was Percy’s resurrection where Taliesin watched how everyone was acting to decide whether to come back or not. I think Cad’s whole talk about what the rest of the m9′s goals towards Molly/Lucien is first Taliesin’s way of deciding whether Molly will be a npc after this arc or if he picks up playing him again (this all of course depending on whether the m9′s stupid actions don’t get Lucien killed), second I think this is Cad’s way of deciding whether his “debt” is payed and if it’s time for him to leave. To be clear I don’t think this was the final decision I think it was the first step to see whether anyone could say they want their friend back and we had two (almost 3) say yeah they do so I think it was a good start.

8. I can totally see Lucien kidnapping some of the m9. this sounds weird but stick with me, it looks like the tomb takers as a whole have a few important spots missing in their mission like they (probably) have a blood cleric in Cree the goliath and halfing seems more strength based I’m not sure about the human and Lucien is filling spot of a little bit of everything. Lucien has already pointed out Caleb as being curious and smart so I think out of the party is Lucien steals any of them it will be Caleb, if not Caleb tho I think Yasha could also be one that gets his attention (especially if Lucien ever sees them fight) I don’t he would kidnap anyone unprompted but if they go through with their stupid plan I’m sure he’ll want payback.

9. I get a full point for crying at both the Yasha clover scene and Molly’s card about Caleb. 

10. So my best friend is also a fan of critical role but he always works Thursday’s so he’s behind on actively watching the shows, but I can watch them so I take notes of all the funny, interesting, and weird shit that happens then I call when he gets off work to tell him everything that happened then we talk about what we think will happen next. why does this matter? because before the molly reveal when we first heard about them going to aore (I don’t know how to spell the ruin place) I said I had a feeling Essek would probably show up and run into the m9. well I was right so i’m supper happy, hearing floaty bois voice was awesome I hope Essek and Lucien meet at some point (hopefully not while trying to kill each other that would be sad).

11. Caleb’s eighth floor is so interesting like I hope we get to see all the rooms at some point, I think the room we saw this episode was his room at the asylum (mostly from it’s disarray and how drab it was) as for who he was talking to? I’ve seen a lot of people says its Essek or Astrid (I can smell the incoming discourse) I think it’s neither, it’s probably the simplest answer himself or more specificly Bren. I think he was talking to the Bren that spent years in that bed and chair wasting away.

12. wtf do you mean the big snow worm has a double reason for hunting the party Matt?! (I have no clue what that means).

13. the m9′s decision to try and get to A2 before Lucien and take whatever is there is such a shit idea, why did he kill Vess because she was a traitor she betrayed him what are they m9 about to do betray him even after the warning about straying from the path (which btw I think was molly warning them). If they actually go through with this plan I hope Cad is right on Lucien getting amused at them instead of fucking pissed. good news is that even if they get there before Lucien they could still salvage the thing with Lucien by saying they wanted unbiased answers. I get they’re grieving and in a bunch of pain but use the common sense I know you have and learn more about whats happening before fucking it all up. (also I get half a point from Lucien kicking Vess’s body)

14. I will say I mostly loved this episode (except for the ending) but them talking about possibly scattering Lucien to get Molly back no matter how brief did unsettle me a lot. no matter my feelings about Molly this is Lucien’s body when he was scattered molly did have the right to the body so I don't think any of his actions were wrong or bad but now that Lucien is whole again his bodily autonomy should not be violated just for a unsure chance Molly would come back. As it is Lucien seemed already uneasy and annoyed with stuff molly did (ex-tattoos).

15. I originally wasn’t gonna put this point but I think I should. when Taliesin said “he thought they would be on the other side of this” I think most people thought it was in reference to how it seems like Lucien is evil (I still don’t think he is) but what if he meant Molly’s arc. think of it wouldn’t it make sense for Molly’s arc to focus on his past coming back to meet him what if they always intended for Lucien to become whole again and it was suppose to be Lucien’s thoughts/feelings bleeding into molly’s. but Molly died so instead we’re getting the inverse Lucien has to come to terms with his past as Molly and the people Molly left behind coming into his life. I think it would be a good arc him learning that you can’t run from or ignore the past no matter how much you want to it can and will come bite you in the ass. would also make sense why Lucien and Molly both have that attitude towards their pasts (you know other than being pieces of the same person). 

[dracoqueen22]

[CR] Rescue Me

Title: Rescue Me Universe: Critical Role, Campaign Two, Alternate Reality Characters: Caduceus Clay, Fjord Rating: K+ Warning: Incident of Near-DrowningDescription: Caduceus’ first experience with the ocean is going rather poorly until he’s rescued by a very handsome lifeguard named Fjord.

For FjorClay Week, Day Six, Modern AU There's a certain arrogance one must have to venture into the ocean, Caduceus decides, and apparently, he is far too modest to face the relentless strength of the sea. He coughs, arms flailing, but another wave crashes over him, heavy and unyielding, pushing him below the surface. He can't see, can't hear, and the water burns in his nose, whips around his face, exerts a heavy pressure on his chest. Caduceus kicks his way to the surface, deciding his was an arrogance unfounded, and manages to get his head above water before another wave buries him, and down he goes, into the murk. Sand and seaweed swirl around him. His chest burns. His nose burns. Panic sets in, and he promises the Wildmother -- I'll be more gracious, I'll be more respectful, I'll be more humble, if only you'll save me.

Caduceus flails, another wave splashing down on top of him, the push and pull of the tide turning him in all directions. He has no idea which way it is to the surface. He's always been a passable swimmer. He thought the mild weather, the warm sun, surely he could swim like everyone else.

Arrogance, he thinks, is his downfall. And then there are arms, strong and warm around his torso, towing him toward the sun. They surface with a splash and the blue sky has never been so beautiful. "Hold on, I've got you," says a gruff voice as Caduceus splutters and coughs and clings for dear life to his savior. "Thank you," he gasps, heart racing as he sucks in heavy gulps of salty air. "Thank you so much." He gets a glimpse of a smile, bright gold eyes, green skin, tusks. "No problem. It's my job," says Caduceus' savior, and they start the slow, careful return to shore, Caduceus as weak as a kitten. He certainly feels like one, water-logged and a bit terrified, completely out of his depth, and clinging to the nearest source of stability. But his rescuer -- a half-orc Caduceus surmises -- is a strong swimmer, and he effortlessly brings Caduceus back to shore, back to the shallows, where he can finally get his feet beneath him. He coughs, dragging desperate breaths into lungs which ache, and a throat that burns like fire. He stumbles, knees wobbly, but his savior tucks himself against Caduceus' side, hooks an arm around his waist, and keeps him upright. "Easy does it," the man rumbles. "One step after another. There you go." "Thank you," Caduceus says again, and his rescuer looks up at him with a brilliant smile, and the cutest dimples Caduceus has ever seen. "You're welcome. But really, it's my job. Technically." He tightens his grip and half-guides, half-carries Caduceus to a nearby outcropping of sea rock. Caduceus gratefully sinks down onto it, his knees like jelly, his hair hanging around in his face in stringy clumps, his throat like fire, and his nose burning. He leans forward, his chest aching from the sensation of water in his lungs, trying to find calm. There's a warm hand on his back. "I'm going to get my bag, and then I'll be right back, all right? Just need one second." "Sure," Caduceus says around another wet cough. The warmth vanishes. His savior jogs across the sand and scoops up a bright red bag laying nearby, next to a pair of shoes and a discarded shirt. The half-orc is wearing a bright red pair of shorts, and Caduceus belatedly recognizes it as the standard uniform of a lifeguard. He thought this strip of beach was too secluded to have one. "I'm glad I decided to walk to work today," his savior says when he returns, dropping the bag and immediately rooting through it. He produces a wide towel, which he throws over Caduceus' shoulder. "How's that for luck?" Or fate maybe. Melora looking out for her faithful. "My good luck," Caduceus rasps and pulls the towel tighter around him. "The waves here are stronger than I expected." "Yeah, it's the jetties. They kind of... funnel the waves." His savior illustrates with his hands before he drops them back to his knees, crouching as he is besides Caduceus. "I wouldn't recommend swimming out here alone." Caduceus coughs into his hand. "I won't be making that mistake again." His rescuer roots around in his bag again before producing a thermos, which he offers to Caduceus. "Here. This should help." "What is it?" Caduceus asks, though he's already unscrewing the lid and taking a huge gulp. "Tea," his savior says as the overly sweet liquid flows over Caduceus' tongue. He makes himself swallow it, but yuck. Gross. That isn't tea. It's sugar water with only the vaguest hint of something steeped. Caduceus wrinkles his nose and hands it back. "That's not tea." "It's brewed tea leaves so that means it technically is." His savior chuckles but screws the lid back on and tucks it into his bag. "It's not good, is it?" "Sweet," Caduceus says, and smacks his lips, unsure which taste is worse, that of the salty ocean, or the sickly sweet liquid. "Too sweet. Can't taste the leaves." "Fair." He sticks out a hand. "I'm Fjord by the way." Caduceus clasps their hands together, impressed by the firm grip. Father always says you can tell a man's intentions by the character of his handshake. "Caduceus. Thanks for your kindness." "I mean, it's the least I can do." Fjord scrubs the back of his neck, his green skin turning a ruddy brown. "It's what anyone would do." "Maybe." Caduceus takes in a slow, deep breath that doesn't burn, calm finally settling around him. He's not shivering anymore at least, though he stares out into the ocean with some trepidation. "I should be more respectful of things with more power than me." Fjord rises to sit next to him, stretching out his legs with a soft groan. "That's a general rule." He leans forward, elbows on his knees. "Why were you swimming out here alone anyway?" "I do most things alone," Caduceus admits. "And I've always wanted to swim in the ocean so I thought it would be fun. And it was." Until he nearly drowned, it was spectacular. "No friends?" Caduceus finally manages to sit up straight, squeezing water out of his hair with the towel. "Few occasions to make them," he says, and gives Fjord a patient smile. "I was not only homeschooled, my family lives in a pretty remote place." Fjord's eyebrows crawl toward his short-cropped hair. "What are you doing here then? Vacation?" "I wanted to try something new." Caduceus twists his hair into a loose bun on the top of his head. He smiles as he hands the towel back to Fjord. "It's a bit damp, sorry." Fjord waves him off. "That's kind of what towels are for." Caduceus chuckles. "Yes, you're right." The sun warms his shoulders, his face, chasing away the stark chill of nearly-drowning. He feels more like himself now. "Anyway, I've taken too much of your time, Mr. Fjord. I'm all right now. I'm sure you have things you need to get to." "Hey now. Do I look like the sort of guy who'd just take off after rescuing someone from a near-death experience?" Fjord asks. He swipes the towel over his own head and body, whisking away the water, before sliding into his shirt, which is a shame honestly. Fjord has a very nice body. "Because, you know, I'm not that kind of guy." "I don't want to keep troubling you," Caduceus says. "Besides, I won't be going into the water anytime soon, so you don't have to worry." Fjord shakes his head. "It's not about that." He stands and plants his hands on his hips. "Also, not going back into the water is a bad idea. You just need to make sure you don't swim alone." Caduceus smiles and offers a soft laugh. "Alone is what I'm used to." "That's kind of sad, Caduceus." Fjord gnaws on his bottom lip, tusk pressing in on the soft flesh, before he snaps his fingers. "I've got an idea. Why don't you come with me?" "... with you?" Caduceus echoes as Fjord stoops to shove the towel back into the bag before zipping it shut and slinging it over his shoulders. "You can meet my friends, hang out with us, swim with other people nearby, that sort of thing." Fjord stands and holds out a hand to Caduceus. "I think Veth's planning on setting up a barbecue, and Beau brought her volleyball net. It'll be fun." "I..." Caduceus hesitates. Calliope told him not to go anywhere with strangers. She'd said it in jest, but it's a real point now. Except Fjord's not a stranger. He'd saved Caduceus' life. He's a good man. Caduceus is sure of it. "Sure." Caduceus takes Fjord's hand and lets the half-orc haul him to his feet. He might have the advantage of height on Fjord, but Fjord is significantly stronger. "I think that sounds nice." Fjord grins at him, and Caduceus' knees go a little weak. He's sure it must be because of his recent near-death experience, and not because Fjord's eyes are as beautiful as a field of goldenrod. "Good." He hooks his hand in the strap of his bag. "My friends are a weird and wild bunch, but I think you'll like them." "From a certain perspective, I'm weird," Caduceus says, and points to his stack of belongings, a little further up the beach. "Let me just get my things and.... uh... you said you were walking, right? I can give you a lift." Fjord falls in step beside him. "I mean, we're all a little weird, aren't we?" Caduceus tips his head back and laughs, nearly miss-stepping in the loose sand if not for Fjord grabbing his elbow to help him keep his balance. "The very best people are," Caduceus says. It's something from a book Clarabelle loves to read, over and over again, and the line has always stayed with him. Fjord smiles up at him. "Yeah, you're gonna fit in with us, just fine." Caduceus can't help but smile back, Fjord's amusement infectious, and his friendliness impossible to resist. Until now, he'd doubted his decision to leave home and try to forge his own path. But now he thinks he's starting to understand the Wildmother's urgings. There's a great big world out there, and people in it. People like Fjord. He's never been glad to nearly-drown in all his life. ****

a/n: Feedback is absolutely welcome! I’d love to know what you thought. I already have ideas brewing for a potential series for this... XD.