#i mean. 'i was a teenage [...]ist'. surely that's something???

[moinsbienquekaworu]

Hello. Hi. Is this a normal turn of phrase or did The Sims 4 expansion pack High School Years reference I Was a Teenage Exocolonist a month before the game actually came out. Am I obsessionbrained or is this for real.

[smoldworf]

*cracks knuckles*

I’m still not sure if we’re not all delusional and overestimating the writers of the show or not. I mean, maybe everything is as it seems right now? But, i’m so paranoid by now i don’t trust anyone lol

I mean …

🍎Phee. He was Non’s boyfriend, they seemed very sweet together. He was concerned about Non spending time with the gang, and prevented a suicide attempt. He also seemed pretty suspicious of Non spending time with Keng – and i wondered why he’d jump to the Non cheating on him immediately. It seemed a little weird in the moment? He even cried. idk.

He was the one to bring their relationship to the next level, he wanted Non to change schools, and even got his father involved to help Non. This could be just teenage impulsiveness – or show how serious he was. When the video was leaked he was deeply hurt; both bc Non lied to him when he directly asked if there was anything between Non and Keng, and bc he considered that cheating (it’s not, but bear with me). And in that moment, he reacted very, very badly. What he said to Non ist awful, but especially considering he knows about Non’s mental health issues. Also, there was again this underlying message of Non having cheated (or lied?) before. That made me wonder again. When Non vanished, Phee never got the chance to clear things up. To either make up or break up. He was left hanging, with the gang and the police claiming Non most likely left with Keng.

So, what did Phee know? He knew that the gang treated Non badly, but i’m pretty sure he had no idea about the extent – the camera, the details of the money laundering, the mafia. So, when New (I’ll stay with that name) showed up, he found an ally. Someone who also cared for Non (and who also felt guilty, but i don’t think they shared that), and wanted to find out what happened. I’m still not sure if for Phee it was more about finding closure for himself or make the gang answer for what they did. Either way, i don’t think he had murder on his mind lol

He could seriously have caught feelings for Jin. I don’t see the chemistry, tbh, but that could be copper’s acting. I also don’t see the common interests ppl talk about, but whatever. He was definitely torn between his feelings for Jin and the Plan™. And after seeing that news report about Non and Keng he pushed Jin away (and Jin is still hearbroken enough about that after 3 years to chomp on Phee’s dick lol). But I seriously struggle with Phee considering the gang his friends (like he called them in ep 10). Yes, he spent time with them and yes, they never treated him badly. But he knows they’re bullies. He knows something happened. It just feels ooc for him to just ignore that?

So where does that leave me? Idk i can see both. Phee wants to move on, and joined New in this last scheme to leave that part of his life behind. One last try and then he’s done. Find out what he can. So, when the guys start dying, and everything’s out of control, he confesses to Jin (we still can’t be sure if everything he says is true or just conjecture on his part tho). Giving Jin the water was just a brain fart, and he really found the axe by accident. And they hold hands on the way to the house, and he lets the axe thoughtlessly fall to the ground. It would be … unsatisfactory for me, but possible.

OR (🤡): He’s in on everything. He may really like Jin or not, but he never abandoned the Plan™. What he tells Jin about Por’s and Dang’s deaths, again, may be true or not, but he confesses to Jin just to get a confession in return. He knew the water would be drugged, he knew where the axe was, and left it fall conveniently in front of the house for someone else to pick up later etc. Convoluted, but possible 😊 (i still think the markings on the trees were off)

🧪Now. New. He’s pretty straightforward, i think. He wants the gang to go down. He wants to know the truth of course, but he wants to punish them. Depending on Phee’s „loyalty“, Phee is either on his (s)hit list or his ally, both is still in the cards. He may have found another ally altogether, either one from the gang, OR the 9th person. It’s possible that the killing is his doing, just like Phee told Jin – he hates the gang, and it’s not like he has anything left to lose. On the other hand, we never saw him do any of it, we just have Phee’s story. And i don’t trust anything i don’t get to see with my own two eyes anymore lol

🎞Jin. Well. He has morals, but in the end they don’t mean shit. He’s nice to Non and tries to, idk, make the gang be less assholey to Non, but is ineffective. I personally think he’s just nice bc he likes Non, not because of altruism. (But i’m biased) And when it became obvious that Non not only wasn’t interested in him but also imperfect (being raped aka „cheating), he couldn’t cope. He took the video, he leaked it, he let Thee take a drugged Non away, and he lied about Non running away with Keng. And, like, three minutes after Non’s disappearance he fell deeply in love with Phee(‘s abs).   I found interesting that he „outed“ Tan as New, but not Phee as Non’s boyfriend. And that he claimed he’d trusted Thee. Sure you did.

💉Fluke. He’s a wild one. The most revealing thing he said until now was that he didn’t want to be like Non. He kept quiet bc he knew he could/would have been the next victim of the gang. Interestingly, he knows the most about the bullying, i think. He was there when Top broke the camera and Thee set up Non. He was there when Jin filmed Non and Keng. He’s a little like Jin, in that he knows what’s happening is wrong, but doesn’t intervene.

Maybe the drugs hit him harder bc he’s already high strung and stressed? Idk, i find him weird. I’m not sure if the most logical reaction to a masked killer hunting you and your friends is to … grab a gun and threaten everyone around you? But again, it might be the drugs causing this.

I don’t really see him as a secret ally to New. What would be his motive? Or more like, what would override his very strong instinct of self preservation? He has a lot to lose, and basically nothing to gain.

💰Thee. Ugh. His life sucks, and he’s a victim of his circumstances. I think, in a way, that’s what fuels his distaste for Non. He sees how similar they are, in a way – and like Fluke, he needs to distance himself from Non. When Non told Thee to get out of the mafia situation he’s in, i was worried. I think Thee reacts badly to percieved pity from the wrong kind of person. He did the most damage to Non, realistically. He supported the idea to let Non write the script (as soon as he heard there might be money in it), he set Non up to be the fall guy for the camera/the debt and pulled him into the whole mafia bs. And he drugged him and delivered him to his uncle.

I also think he’s (maybe like Fluke) the most realistic of all oft hem. He knows what he’s doing, he had to grow up quickly, he has no (or not many) illusions about the world he lives in. He knows his actions doom Non. I no longer think he’s doing it gleefully, but he doesn’t hesitate that much, he has too much to lose.

From his (re)actions in ep 10 i don’t really think he’s a secret ally to New or Phee (or Non), but i do see how he could be. I think he really cares about White, and wants to be better. He knows the gang too well to like them. And from the preview … he knows more than he told in ep 10. Maybe he tried to save Non, maybe he failed? Maybe it’s a tit-for-tat – i help bring down Uncle Joe, you help me bring down the gang?

Not that i believe that’s what happened, but let me clown, ‘kay?

👶White. Well, we know next to nothing about White’s backstory, so he has potential lol. Most importantly he’s an outsider to the original gang, like New, and like Phee. He could really be just a lil dude, on a terrible, terrible weekend trip with the boyfie. He’s cute, and scared, and submissive.

But he also somehow ends up in the focus again and again. The radio, the knife, the hard drive, … He’s so good at influencing Thee, it’s impressive! And … idk, maybe he doesn’t like guns, and doesn’t want his boyfriend to shoot anyone, and that’s both pretty normal lol. On the other hand „forget the gun!“ seemed odd to me. In that situation i most definitely wouldn’t want to forget the gun, i would want to have it, even just to make sure no one else had it. When he gets the gun, he (again!) puts it somewhere it could be easily taken (to what end, i have no idea, maybe just to cause chaos??), and later convinces to let Top be, bc he’s tied up now 😊 and won’t be able to get free 😊 after which Top gets free 😊 and is shot (😊). He also confuses me because he seems to go from tiny scared cinnamon roll to rational strong cinnamon roll.

So, if New has another ally, he seems the most likely candidate? For now? As of ep 10? But idk.

In the end, they’re probably all just confused idiots in a cabin in the woods, and Non somehow is out there, taking them out one by one. and that's okay, too.

[rinharu-purple]

Lucien: MLQC’s Mastermind

Yes, I said that Lucien is the creepiest LI in my opinion, and I wouldn’t choose him in a million, billion years. BUT, Lucien is by far the one person, who is pulling the strings and is the driving force of the MLQC universe. He is the only person who acquires all the information from all sides and is connected to every important actor in the story. Therefore, Lucien has become the second LI I’ve started to follow more attentively. Mind that the ranking ist 1) Gavin 2) Gavin 3) Gavin 4) Lucien ;)

In my manifesto, why Gavin is MC’s choice, I’ve already mentioned briefly, that Lucien has the strongest EVOL among all the characters but is also the strongest character (it’s not the MC or the Black Queen, let’s not fool ourselves)

The Machiavellian

Before we talk about Lucien’s part in the MLQC universe, we should first look at him as person and observe the elements that make up his personality.

In the game, all our guys have their personal priorities. Gavin and Kiro are on the front line, fighting for peace and prosperity, Victor, well...I don’t think that he cares for anything else besides MC, maybe his position. But with Lucien, his priority is not a person or a concept, but rather a philosophy. Lucien wants to see the next step in human evolution and is determined to take any measures necessary to see it to it’s end. Other guys can not stand oblivious to other things that come up their way in achieving their goals but Lucien only has his eyes on the prize and to him nothing else matters, no one else matters and no ethics matter. 

Machiavellianism denotes cunningness and claims, that those dark triads use whatever means necessary to gain power. If we consider the choices Lucien has made throughout the story so far, we can clearly find his manipulative ways in getting other actors to the positions of his conjecture. He lies to MC and hides his personality as Ares, penetrates Black Swan to use their facilities, but also uses LFG’s resources for his R&D projects all the while concealing his true nature. 

Another trait of a Machiavellian, is that he is charismatic and friendly, all the while displaying no emotions. I think, there can be two possible reasons as to why Lucien has limited display of emotions. The first possible explanation has something to do with his parents passing and the trauma he suffered afterwards. Among all LIs Lucien is the one with the most loveless childhood and teenage years, the most important years in developing one’s psychological traits and during those years Lucien received alongside with Kiro the most blows. That resulted in him losing the connection to his emotions as a defense mechanism. 

Another possibility might be him losing the connection to his emotions as a result of a chemical reaction in his brain due to excessive testing Black Swan objected him to. Lucien’s EVOL was created in a lab and he was the first man-made Evolver. Lucien is called various times a psychopath, because he shows signs of psychopathy such as lack of remorse, empathy or compassion. It is said that that kind of behavior might occur due to a misconnection between the ventromedial prefrontal cortex (vmPFC) and the amygdala. Considering the fact that Lucien’s parents were killed right in front of him and that he was both physically and psychologically abused for the coming years, this might have led him to experience an imbalance in his chemical balance. One might argue, that his altruistic actions in the orphanage are an evidence for his compassion, I think it is yet another disguise for his unethical ways of reaching his goals.

The Orchestrator

In all honesty no one is actively seeking alliances and keeps tabs on other’s actions for their agenda like Lucien does. Maybe Commander Leto but he mostly fails in drawing others to his side, because he is not able to speak in their pendants’ language or resonate with their perspective. Lucien, on the other hand, is gifted with an extraordinary ability to observe his surroundings and companions, making it very easy for him to talk to them in their terms and desires. Lucien doesn’t show much empathy, UNLESS, it contributes to his cause, in that case he can perfectly put himself in other’s shoes and plays them in such a meticulous way, that they join him willingly.

That is how Lucien directs MC successfully in entering the Black Cabin or in understanding the evolution core.

Lucien is not exactly a piece on a chess board, but is a player, who knows all the pieces very well, knows the rules of the game, has observed many games and took notes of how they all has turned out and therefore knows what kind of a game he is going to play. Just watch closely. how he co-operates with Kiro and the Black Queen. He knows that Kiro is using Black Swan for his goals, much like he does, so he uses his hacking abilities to access to information. The Black Queen is the initiator of everything in S1, so he makes sure to stay close to her. He knows that Victor is searching for MC and trying to understand the Evol gene, there he has an investor. 

The Cool, Calm and Collected Type

in the MLQC universe, everyone loses their composure at one point or another, because...who wouldn’t? Time and space warps constantly and people are also changing their stances depending on the time-space constellation they find themselves in. 

MC loses her cool almost on a daily basis, Gavin was in a constant haywire in the Daybreak era, Victor literally threw people into black holes in CH11 and freaked out as he saw the Black Queen for the first time and Kiro walks around in a bipolar state. So, everybody is pretty unstable due to understandable conditions but we never see Lucien lose his cool and this is one of his best qualities. 

Here is the thing about Lucien. This guy is always at least one step ahead of everyone and he achieves this by two simple rules: 

1) Acquire all possible information

2) Observe everyone and everything at all times

Why am I saying this? It lies in the basis of anxiety and angst. We humans tend to feel uncomfortable in the face of an uncertain situation, meaning in the wake of the unknown. MC is constantly anxious, because she doesn’t know what is going on, why is everyone after her, why is she blessed with the unconditional affection of 5 equally attractive men? (ehm, but not quite equally ehm *Gavin* hihi, sorry, Gavin-stan gotta Gavin-stan ^_^). Anyway you get the picture. Gavin went haywire in CH22 because he was pushed in a tight spot and therefore had angst. Same goes for Victor in CH11 his mind went blank as he saw history repeating itself and then in CH18 when he saw with his own eyes what could the girl of his dreams might become.

We don’t see Lucien in such deadlock situation though do we, and I think it is mainly because he is always prepared for every possibility and he can calculate them meticulously, because he possesses the largest chunk of information and also keeps tabs on everyone and everything that’s going on. So, when a crisis occurs he doesn’t freak out, sure he gets surprised at times, because the outcome of a a certain situation is the possibility, which he calculated to be no higher than 1% and yet there it is. But since he’s already took this into consideration, he has a plan. Combine this with his knowledge about the persons and organizations involved in the matter, then you have a calm Lucien, who is in control of the situation. Thus, he is calm. You can actually also bind this behavior of Lucien with that of a predator, whose movement are languid, is non-reactive and doesn’t mind turning his back to his opponents, since he doesn’t perceive them as a threat.

If this wasn’t enough, Lucien manages to joggle all of this without exposing himself. Even in the last stage of the play he never gets caught. Unless he willingly exposes himself, as in the case of revealing Ares to MC. MLQC actors can usually see through each other and use their weaknesses to meet their own ends. MC is obviously Gavin, Kiro and Victor’s weakness and their opponents can see this pretty easily. IT’s not quite the same with Lucien though and he doesn’t let himself be blackmailed or threatened by any weakness. He always keeps his cards close to his chest. 

Considering the fact that Lucin is the least outstanding LI, this is pretty impressive. So I guess this makes him the embodiment of the phrase “still waters run deep”.

The Renaissance Man

Lucien is a man of science and aesthetics. Explaining phenomenons with associations and loading them with philosophical substance. He doesn’t necessarily perceive things bluntly as they are, but interprets them in a meaningful way. The way he associates MC with a butterfly, how he wants to entrap her in ajar, so she wouldn’t get away, alas taking the only resource of color in his life away. Not only that, but he can also break down the matters at hand to its fragments and can therefore work his way up from there. He is blessed with a strong deduction ability, so he can connect the dots easily, come to a conclusion and act accordingly. No doubt that the other guys have very good deduction abilities, but because Lucien always has a bit of an information more than them, he can find the solutions just a little bit faster in my opinion. 

Reading is a necessity for his guy much like eating and drinking, Which is why we see him reframing events in the context of a certain story he’d read at some point in his life. With time, I will add here some of his quotes about certain situations to explain what I mean. Or even better, if you have some, that are evident in you opinion, you could add them in the comments. I really enjoy reading/hearing Lucien’s philosophical, scientific explanations to certain moments in MC’s life. They are always to the point and helpful.

-------------

So this is my very first analysis on Lucien and I have to admit, I still have  so many material to check on him, so if anything is missing please bear with me here :)

I was watching Joe’s Twitch while I wrote this, so there are many spelling, grammar mistakes, which will be corrected gradually.

This post will get better and better, scout promise!

[eolewyn1010]

Hi! Could you write something about 'playing with hair' for Ivo/Franz? Or also for Thorsten/Sebastian, if you prefer.

Sure! Gotta make up for the angstfest yesterday. And I’m borrowing a page from @thotstochter​ by which I mean: Outsider POV on Old Men PDA.

„Jetzt lass halt gut sein!“ Leitmayr gab Batic einen hörbaren Klaps auf die Finger, aber das schien dem nicht zu imponieren.

„Du schaust aus wie der Weihnachtsmann!“, verkündete er fröhlich und fuhr Leitmayr schon wieder durch die Haare, die, das musste auch Kalli zugeben, ungewohnte Ausmaße erreicht hatten. Herr Leitmayr hatte etwas darüber gegrummelt, dass sein Friseur dichtgemacht und er noch keinen neuen gefunden hatte. Und Batic zog ihn deswegen ohne Unterlass auf. „Die sind bald lang genug zum Flechten!“, versicherte er, während er an Leitmayrs Hinterkopf herumzupfte.

Kalli duckte sich hinter den Computerbildschirm, um sein Grinsen zu verbergen. Kindsköppe, alle beide.

Nebenan erklang ein dumpfes Rumpeln, und Batic schnaufte. „Und jetzt schleich di‘!“, knurrte Leitmayr. Dann hob er die Stimme. „Kalli, ha’m ’mer ein Phantombild?“

Kalli öffnete hastig sein Mailfach – und hatte Glück. „Ja, des hat die KTU grad geschickt“, sagte er durch die Trennscheibe und begegnete dem wenig beeindruckten Gesichtsausdruck seines Chefs.

„Und, dürfen wir das vielleicht auch mal sehen? Macht nix, wenn’s schnell geht.“

Als Kalli kurz darauf mit dem Ausdruck das Chefbüro betrat, hatte sich Leitmayr hinter seinem Schreibtisch verkrochen und durchbohrte Batic – der unschuldig lächelte – mit finsteren Blicken. Zudem registrierte Kalli, dass Leitmayrs Haare an einer Seite seines Kopfs abstanden wie nach einem Stromschlag. Kein Kommentar.

Beide Chefs traten näher heran, um das Bild zu begutachten. „Ich würd sagen, damit gehen wir an die Presse“, sagte Batic.

Leitmayr nickte, obwohl er murmelte: „Des gibt wieder hunderte Fehlmeldungen.“

„Ist ja auch ’n Allerweltsgesicht.“ Batic zuckte die Achseln und schob sich unauffällig näher an Leitmayr heran. „Jedenfalls hat er nicht so schöne Haare wie du.“ Und schon wühlte er wieder in Leitmayrs weißer Mähne.

Der zog mit einem Ruck den Kopf aus der Reichweite seines Kollegen. „Fängst du schon wieder an?“

Aber Batic ließ sich nicht bremsen. „Kalli, hat er dir eigentlich mal das Foto gezeigt, von – wann war das, ’97? Da hatte er einen Pferdeschwanz!“, erzählte er vergnügt.

Kalli versuchte noch, seine Gedanken aufzuhalten, aber es war bereits zu spät; das Bild war in seinem Kopf und das Feixen schluckte er auch nicht ganz herunter.

Leitmayr fixierte ihn mit einem giftigen Blick „Ich geb dann mal dem Staatsanwalt wegen der Pressekonferenz Bescheid. In der Zwischenzeit könnt ihr euch ja überlegen, ob ihr euch net doch vielleicht wie Erwachsene benehmen wollt.“ Und er marschierte mit langen Schritten hinaus, die Frisur immer noch asymmetrisch zerrauft.

Batic sah ihm nach, ein breites Grinsen auf dem Gesicht, das ein bisschen zu warm, zu zärtlich für Schadenfreude war. Kalli räusperte sich peinlich berührt und machte, dass er wieder in sein Büro kam – dafür, dass Batic Mitte sechzig war, konnte er bisweilen sehr überzeugend so dreinschauen wie ein frisch verliebter Teenager.

[mariamermaid]

The Heir of Silberstein; luftige Turbulenzen (ch. 3)

“breezy turbulences”

Fred Weasley x fem Reader

Summary: As a new school year approaches in Hogwarts, the students are surprised when Dumbledore introduces a group of German siblings joining the school. The royal family of fortress Silberstein is now sent to Hogwarts to learn the matters of a normal teenager life. …

Words: 3.k

Masterlist

Having siblings, especially brothers wasn´t always easy.

But the true meaning of how different Hendrik´s and August´s thinking, wasn´t fully apprehended by you until the Quidditch game two days later. The impact of the letter hadn´t left your body.

In the two days, you hadn´t talked to either of them. You hadn´t even seen them, they avoided each other as well as you and Ruth. The youngest of the four of you, grasped the situation barely. It didn´t help that she felt even more left out. Hendrik and August were stubborn in their own ways and knowing you couldn´t convince them to talk, you at least decided to show up to the Quidditch game. Ruth sat with you in the Gryffindor tower, together you shared a bowl of salted caramel popcorn, which your little sister happily munched on.

The tower wasn´t as filled as the week before, the game between Gryffindor and Hufflepuff, but the true Quidditch fans still showed up. However, it still surprised you when Fred and George joined you.

“Oh Ruth, this is Fred and George Weasley, friends of mine.” You turned to the Twins and gestured towards your sister. “Guys, you know my sister Ruth, right?”

Gentlemen-like in a humorous way, just like their personalities, they shook her small hand. “Pleasure meeting the second princess”, Fred smiled. “Always at your service!”

Ruth blushed and giggled; you could already tell, that she liked them.

“How´s the game going anyways, Y/n?” Fred now asked while George tried to steal popcorn from your sister. You peered over the pitch, furrowing your eyebrows. Last week at the game, it had been warm and sunny, but today? Thick, gray clouds hung over the school and individual, cold droplets of rain started falling. The wind was hollering around the towers and felt like a whip against your skin.

“They play back and forth, but it´s not really coming together.” Fred followed your eyes and shrugged. “They had worse weather conditions before, I´m sure they handle it.”

“No, there is something else going on between them”, you shook your head and Fred, who noticed your wary eyes on your brothers, raised his eyebrow. He could only guess that some kind of argument had involved between August and Hendrik, but he realized, that you didn´t want to talk about it. At least not with Ruth there. A look of worry spread in his face and you pressed your lips to a thin line, not knowing how to answer it.

Soon the rain became thicker and gusting wind pushed the players around. Hendrik, who had apparently caught sight of something, which you only guessed as the golden snitch, August left his position to follow him. Draco, Slytherin´s actual keeper seemed to shout something at him, but you couldn´t hear the words. August continued to ignore him and follow his brother. Shoulder to shoulder they bumped into each other and Ruth hissed in fear they´d crash.

“Solche Idioten!”, you muttered in between breaths. (What idiots!)

The entire audience watched captivated. Whatever was happening, it didn´t have much to do with the actual game.

“Vielleicht solltest du einmal auf mich hören, jedenfalls bevor du deinen Arsch auf den Thron platzierst!“ August huffed and Hendrik´s eye shot angrily at him. (Maybe you should listen at least once to me, before sitting down your ass on the throne!)

“Albrecht wird uns ausstoßen noch bevor Vater es merken wird, siehst du das etwa nicht?“ (Albrecht is going to expel us before father will even realize, don’t you see it?)

He continued while they circled the towers. Hendrik tried to get rid of him, but August was determined.

“Das ist Schwachsinn, Albrecht hat kein Recht auf die Krone und das weiß jeder! Nur weil du ihn nicht leiden kannst, ist er nicht gleich der Bösewicht!“ (That´s nonsense! Albrecht has no right for the crown and everybody knows it! Just because you don´t like him, doesn´t mean he is a villain!)

„Und Vaters Krankheit, die aus dem nichts auftauchte?“ (And father´s illness, which showed up out of nowhere?)

August took a run-up, before crashing into Hendrik again. The oldest lost his balance, not completely, but enough to knock him off his course. The game was put in the rear for them.

“Unterstellst du seinem treuesten Diener ihn zu vergiften?! Das ist verrückt!“ (Do you ascribe his most loyal servant, to poison him? It´s madness!)

„Denk doch nach, es ist die einzige Erklärung! Vaters plötzliche Krankheit, uns wegzuschicken, damit er die Krone an sich krallen kann!“ (Think about it, it´s most logical explanation! Father´s sudden sickness, shipping us away, so he can clutch the crown for himself?)

„Du hast nicht ein Beweis dafür!“ (You have not a single proof for it!)

„Er hat Mutters Ring!“ (He has mother´s ring!)

Quiet, sudden and unexpected. None of you ever talked about it, not that there was much to talk. The two brothers floated in the air, still and starring, as if somebody had pushed a pause bottom.

It had been a night like this, stormy and dark. Rain was falling cold as ice daggers; Ruth was barely a year old. Queen Johanna was on a trip with her Pegasus, but time passed and she didn´t come back in the evening.

Two days passed and the whole kingdom searched for her, all they found were last rags of her dress and a deadbeat Pegasus, that was barely breathing. It laid at the side of the river, where the deadly streams came to an end and the waterfalls left nothing, but a breeze in the air. Severe injuries and a trauma, which caused all happiness to seize within the once relentless creature.

Queen Johanna died in an accident.

She left behind a broken king beneath a heavy crown and four siblings as half-orphans. It felt like an even deeper bond was formed in the family, but in reality, you drove apart.

The bond was nothing, but a façade and the crown was nothing but pure pressure.

“Du Lügner!” (You liar!) Hendrik screamed and he pushed himself forward on his broomstick. He smashed right into August, who was taken by surprise by his sudden rage. August couldn´t grab the broomstick in time, falling off and trying to hold onto Hendrik. But the oldest was blind in rage.

They spun and twisted around, quickly sailing towards the ground.

Ruth, the Weasley twins and you, as well as many other spectators, jumped off their seats. You barely heard the yell that escaped Ruth´s lips, you watched in horror as the two tumbled into the depths. Shock captivated you, leaving your body numb and unable to fulfill any commando from your brain. All you did was stand there and watch.

You were sure, that you heard the collision with the ground, even though you were hundredths of feet away and flinched at the hard sound. A gasp for air left your mouth and your lunges inflated.

The prior shock rolled of your body and finally, your feet reacted. As fast as possible, you´re legs almost felt like leaving the ground, you sprinted towards the two boys. None of them moved a muscle. Madame Hooch was already at their side, inspecting the incident and several players from both teams joined her. Ruth, who wasn´t half as fast as you, approached with the twins dogging her. She immediately started crying, but Madame Hooch was quick to make her statement; a few broken bones and a heavy concussion, that knocked them out.

They would heal.

But that was none of your concern. Whatever had happened between them, it was important enough to make Hendrik snap. It was important enough, to make them go against the Quidditch game, not to mention in front of the entire school. It was important enough, to fall into a potential death just to prove a point.

It constituted a supreme importance.

And the only two people, who knew what it was, laid unconsciously in the dirty grass.  

Ruth, who was kneeling besides her two brothers, tears still in their eyes, didn´t noticed how you stepped away from the scene. George had taken your place at her side, putting an arm carefully around her. But Fred realized you leaving and started following you. To say you were angry, was an understatement.

“Y/N, what happened there?” He asked, while trying to catch up with you. You were incredible fast to his surprise and even angrier. Something was seething inside you.

“I don´t know exactly!”

He grabbed your wrist to stop you from further escaping. People often were afraid of touching you, fearing it would end in a punishment, but Fred didn´t care. Or at least he didn´t have the time to give it much thought.

“But you do know something?”

He paused, eyeing you; the wind had messed up your neat hair and your face was convulsed with anger. You didn´t look like the princess he had first seen, you looked like the storm brewing in the skies, waiting to collapse down to earth.

“You all do, you´re hiding it.”

You waited seconds and even minutes, avoiding his glance and pondering, how much you should tell.

“Our father, the king, he´s ill. Very ill.”

Fred raised his eyebrow, not comprehending how bad the situation actually was.

“We don´t how long he will survive anymore.”

 And as simple as that, you blurted everything out. From your father´s sudden sickness and the idea to form a new school. How you felt this apprehension towards Albrecht and how Hendrik prepared for his new title.

Fred Weasley stayed quiet and for the first time, he suddenly looked smaller next to you. He just began realizing, or at least grasping, of how much weight was on your shoulders.

When you came to an end, he was left speechless and not knowing what else to do, he pulled you into a tight hug. Pressing your head against his chest and he felt your constant shivering.

“I don´t know what to do, Freddy.”

You admitted quietly, barely a whisper. His hand came up to the back of your head, softly stroking down to your back. “I don´t like saying it, but you might be right.”

You sniffled and lurked up to him, he replied with an apologetic smile. “Well after your bad feeling towards this Albrecht guy-.“ The German name sounded only poorly pronounced. “And the fight between Hendrik and August, something is most definitely wrong.”

A soft chuckled escaped your lips, even in this seemingly hopeless situation, he made you laugh.

“So, what do you recon I shall do?”

Carefully, just now realizing, how close he had come, hell Fred Weasley was touching a real-life princess! His hands gently stroke your cheek to finally cup your face.

“You won´t be doing anything, at least not alone!”

 “So, tell me again, what exactly are we doing?” George asked nervously, while walking up and down in front of the infirmary. Obviously, Fred and you told him.

“We need to know what August said”, you repeated calmy. The second twin, who had just recently found out about the heap of secrets and potential threats, was clearly caught off guard.

“Why do you think it was August, who drew the final straw?”

“I know Hendrik and what he thinks, if he knew anything of great importance, he would´ve told me.” George nodded understanding; he was coming to understand the plan.

“But if there is an actual threat, we just do what?” He then asked tensed, his brother shrugged nonchalantly. “We go to Germany!”

You threw a warning glance at Fred, making him go quiet at the end of the sentence. This had to be handled with care.

“Breaking the school rules?!” George exclaimed even louder and you rolled your eyes.

“What, are you afraid Weasley? After playing pranks and breaking rules since your birth?” Your daring and ironic comment shut up him up. You knew it was a lot to comprehend within only minutes. It had been a few hours since the game, Fred and you had made up the plan in the mean-time.

“What are you doing here?” Hermione and Harry suddenly approached and even though her questions wasn´t directed on the tense atmosphere, she very well took notice of it.

“We´re waiting for my brothers to wake up”, you answered frantic. Harry furrowed his eyebrows; he knew the anticipating thrill of an upcoming adventure.

“Don´t worry, Y/N, I´m sure they´ll be fine. Boys are naturally stupid.”

Harry threw his head into his friends’ directions, making him lose focus on your intentions.

“Hey!”

Hermione rolled her eyes and pushed the book in her hands into Harry´s arms. “Go on and at least make yourself useful.”

She gave you an excusing smile, before turning to leave towards the library. Just before they turned the next corner, you suddenly sprinted towards her again. “Hermione!”

“Fred and George wanted to show me a few places this weekend, so don´t worry, if I´ll be late or anything”, you tried to explain as casual sounding as possible. Her brown eyes wandered back and forth between you and the twins, until she gave up sighing.

“Don´t do anything stupid or get caught.”

As you stepped back to the twins, Madame Pomfrey quitted from the infirmary.

“Oh Miss Silberstein, your brother, August is just awakening!”

Fred eyed you warry from the side. “Do you want us to come with you?”, he asked whispering, but you shook your head. “No, this is family business. Anyways I´m sure they would get angry, if they found out I told you. We don´t have to aggravate something that´s bad enough on it´s own.”

You entered the large room with beds placed into rows. August was laid in the back, while you caught a glance of Hendrik sleeping behind a curtain in the front. The distance between the two beds was awfully noticeable.

August was pale and seemed confused, but as he sat up, he noticed you approaching. His eyes winced, forming even smaller slits and his lips became a thin line.

“Good you´re up, how are you feeling?” The politeness in your voice never felt so fake. But as his sister it was your job to ask about his condition. August saw right through you, not that you gave much of a try to hide it, but he decided to play along. Years of formal etiquette and behavior had shaped you into a concept for society. Perfect and pleasing to the observer.

“Head still hurts as well as my arm, but I´ve had worse.”

Silence settled, while you nodded. Before you could make another polite comment, he spoke up again. “Ask. Ask me. It´s why you´re here.”

It hurt you, that he assumed, that you only came for the sake of information. It made it worse that he was right.

“What did you tell him? What do you know?”

August sighed; the whole scene was as uncomfortable to him as it was to you. But he was aware, that you would believe him. He didn´t show it, but in this very moment, he couldn´t be more grateful. Yes, he showed his cold not-caring exterior, but he relied deeply on you.

“Albrecht, the night before we left, I saw him talking to one of the ostlers. He had mother´s ring.”

Unwanted, a gasp left your lips and you gripped onto the side of the bed. Whatever you had expected, you clearly hadn´t braced yourself well enough.

“August, are you sure, it couldn´t…” He nodded steady, ignoring your stutter.

“I didn´t believe my own eyes at the time.”

“She was wearing the ring when it happened, the ring disappeared with her…”

Your breathing was irregular and the thoughts inside your head were racing at the speed of lightning. If Albrecht had the ring, your mother wore when she had the accident, then he must´ve been with her. He lied, saying he was filling papers the entire day and no one even scrutinized it.

If he was with her, he knew what happened. Maybe he was the reason it happened…

 Neither August nor you noticed how Hendrik´s eyes opened and inaudible, he turned his side into your direction. Behind the curtain, you didn´t see him, how he starred at the blank fabric. How his jaw tensed, when he remembered your father with Albrecht at his side, entering the family´s private wing. Tears formed in his eyes just like then, he knew something was wrong by their faces. That day, the world collapsed right beneath his feet and ever since then, he tried his best to put it back together. He wanted it to be over, but everything came rushing back. It felt like the day where your mother died, haunted him and your family. He didn´t wanted to believe what his brother said, but he knew what it meant.

“I didn´t tell you this before, let´s not be stupid”, August finally spoke up. He could only imagine what chaos was still pelting inside your head. The sentence was surprisingly mature for August and his usual temper. “It could be a weird coincidence.”

August was right, it could be. But there was something inside you that told you, it wasn´t.

August was right, you shouldn´t be stupid. But you had a promise to keep your family safe.

So, you nodded slowly.

“We´ll wait, till Hendrik awakes and I send an owl home, making sure he won´t get it. Then we can discuss it. We have to be careful.” You had to play perfectly to make him believe. Each movement you made, each breath you took, it had to look innocently. It had to look real.

“You should rest and try not to kill Hendrik, or get killed, when he awakes.”

August chuckled and you offered a small grin. “I´ll take care of it.”

You stepped away from his bed, giving him a nod, then leaving the room. A small glance towards Hendrik; eyes closed and steady breathing. When he was to wake up, you´d be gone.

Miles away, hopefully as close to Silberstein as you possibly could, before someone would get wind of it.

“So, how does it look?”

“I hope you´re as good in sneaking away, as you are at playing pranks.”

Fred and George exchanged looks.

“We´re going to Silberstein.”

--------

tags: @ britishspidey @ perfectlysane24  @ acoolnight

[boreothegoldfinch]

chapter 11 paragraph viii

Inside the parking garage, which vibrated depressingly with olive-green light, there were a number of empty spaces in the long-term area despite the Full sign. As we nosed into the space a man in a sports coat lounging against a white Range Rover threw his cigarette in a spit of orange cinders and walked toward the car. His receding hairline, his tinted aviators and his taut military torso gave him the wind-whipped look of an ex-pilot, a man who monitored delicate instruments at some test site in the Urals. “Victor,” he said, when we got out of the car, crushing my hand in his. Gyuri and Boris received a thump on the back. After terse preliminaries in Russian, a baby-faced curly-headed teenager climbed out of the driver’s seat and was greeted, by Boris, with a slap on the cheek and a jaunty seven note whistle: On the Good Ship Lollipop. “This is Shirley T,” he said to me, rumpling the corkscrew curls. “Shirley Temple. We all call him that—why? Can you guess?”—laughing as the kid, unable to help it, smiled in embarrassment, displaying deep dimples. “Do not be deceived by looks,” said Gyuri to me quietly. “Shirley looks like baby but he has as much onions as any of us here.” Politely, Shirley nodded at me—did he speak English? it didn’t seem so— and opened the back door of the Range Rover for us and the three of us climbed in—Boris, Gyuri, and me—while Victor Cherry sat up front and talked to us from the passenger seat. “This should be easy,” he said to me formally as we pulled out of the garage and back out onto the Overtoom. “Straightforward pawn.” Up close his face was broad and knowing, with a small prim mouth and a wry alertness that made me feel somewhat less agitated about the logic of the evening, or the lack of it: the car changes, the lack of direction and information, the nightmare foreignness. “We are doing Sascha a favor and because of that? He is going to behave nice to us.” Long low buildings. Disjointed lights. There was a sense that it wasn’t happening, that it was happening to someone who wasn’t me. “Because can Sascha walk in bank and get a loan on the painting?” Victor was saying, pedantically. “No. Can Sascha walk in a pawn shop and get a loan on the painting? No. Can Sascha due to circumstances of theft go to any of his usual connections from Horst and get a loan on the painting? No. Therefore Sascha is extremely glad of the appearance of mystery American—you—who I have hooked him up with.” “Sascha shoots heroin the way that you and I breathe,” said Gyuri to me quietly. “One stitch of money and he is out buying big load of drugs like clockwork.” Victor Cherry adjusted his glasses. “Exactly. He is not art lover and he is not particular. He is utilizing picture like high interest credit card or so he thinks. Investment for you—cash for him. You front him the money—you hold the painting as security—he buys schmeck, keeps half, steps on the rest and sells it, and returns with double your money in one month to pick up the painting. And if? In one month he does not return with double your money? The painting is yours. Like I said. Simple pawn.”

“Except not so simple—” Boris stretched, and yawned—“because when you vanish? and bank draft is bad? What can he do? If he runs to Horst and calls for help on this one he will have his neck broken for him.” “I am glad they have changed the meeting place so many times. It is a little bit ridiculous. But it helps because today is Friday,” said Victor, taking off his aviators and polishing them on his shirt. “I made them think you were backing out. Because they kept cancelling and changing the plan—you did not even arrive until today, but they do not know that—because they kept changing the plan I told them you were tired and nervous of sitting around Amsterdam with suitcase of green waiting to hear from them, you’d rebanked your moneys and were flying back to U.S. They did not like to hear that. So—” he nodded at the bag—“here it is the weekend, and banks are closed, and you are bringing what cash you have, and—well, they have been talking to me plenty, lots of time on the phone and I have met with them once already down in a bar in the Red Light, but they have agreed to bring the painting and make the exchange tonight without prior meeting of you, because I have told them your plane leaves tomorrow, and because they have fucked around on their end it is bank draft for the balance or nothing. Which —well, they did not like, but they accepted as proper explanation for bank draft. Makes things easier.” “Much easier,” said Boris. “I was not sure how bank draft was going to go over. Better if they think the bank draft is their own fault for dicking around.” “What’s the place?” “Lunchcafe.” He pronounced it as one word. “De Paarse Koe.” “That means ‘the Purple Cow’ in Dutch,” said Boris helpfully. “Hippie place. Close to the Red Light.” Long lonely street—shut-up hardware stores, stacks of brick by the side of the road, all of it important and hyper-significant somehow even though it was speeding by in the dark much too fast to see. “Food is so awful,” said Boris. “Sprouts and some hard old wheat toast. You would think hot girls go there but is just old gray-head women and fat.” “Why there?” “Because quiet street in the evening,” said Victor Cherry. “Lunchcafe is closed, after hours, but because semi-public nothing will get out of control, see?” Everywhere: strangeness. Without noticing it I’d left reality and crossed the border into some no-man’s-land where nothing made sense. Dreaminess, fragmentation. Rolled wire and piles of rubble with the plastic sheeting blown to the side. Boris was speaking to Victor in Russian; and when he realized I was looking at him, he turned to me. “We are only saying, Sascha is in Frankfurt tonight,” he said, “hosting party at a restaurant for some friend of his just got out of jail, and we are all of us confirmed on this from three different sources, Shirley too. He thinks he is being smart, staying out of town. If it gets back to Horst what has happened here tonight he wants to be able to throw up his hands and say, ‘Who, me? I had nothing to do with it.’ ” “You,” said Victor to me, “you are based in New York. I have said you are an art dealer, arrested for forgery, and now run an operation like Horst’s— much smaller scale in terms of paintings, much larger in terms of money.” “Horst—God bless him,” said Boris. “Horst would be the richest man in New York except he gives it all away, every cent. Always has. Supports many many persons besides himself.” “Bad for business.” “Yes. But he enjoys company.” “Junkie philanthropist, ha,” said Victor. He pronounced it philanthropist. “Good they die off time to time or who knows how many schmeckheads crammed in that dump with him. Anyway—less you say in there, the better. They will not be expecting polite conversation. This is all business. It will be fast. Give him the bank draft, Borya.” Boris said something sharp in Ukrainian. “No, he should produce it himself. It should be from his hand.” Both bank draft, and deposit slip, were printed with the words Farruco Frantisek, Citizen Bank Anguilla, which only increased the sense of dream trajectory, a

track speeding up too fast to slow down. “Farruco Frantisek? I’m him?” Under the circumstances it felt like a meaningful question—as if I might be somehow disembodied or at least had passed beyond a certain horizon where I was freed of basic facts like identity. “I did not choose the name. I had to take what I could get.” “I’m supposed to introduce myself as this?” There was something wrong with the paper, which was too flimsy, and the fact that the slips said Citizen Bank and not Citizen’s Bank made them look all wrong. “No, Cherry will introduce you.”

Farruco Frantisek. Silently I tried the name out, turned my tongue around it. Even though it was a hard name to remember, it was just strong and foreign enough to carry the lost-in-space hyperdensity of the black streets, tram tracks, more cobblestones and neon angels—back in the old city now, historic and unknowable, canals and bicycle racks and Christmas lights shaking on the dark water. “When were you going to tell him?” Victor Cherry was asking Boris. “He needs to know what his name is.” “Well now he knows.” Unknown streets, incomprehensible turns, anonymous distances. I’d stopped even trying to read the street signs or keep track of where we were. Of everything around me—of all I could see—the only point of reference was the moon, riding high above the clouds, which though bright and full seemed weirdly unstable somehow, void of gravity, not the pure anchoring moon of the desert but more like a party trick that might pop out at a conjurer’s wink or else float away into the darkness and out of sight.

[footballerimaginess]

Just No More

13. Wanting another baby after having multiple already  Word Count: 574   Taglist: @footballffbarbiex​ @lawsandother​ @chilly-me-softly​ @scottmctominbae​ @virgilvandick​ @alexajanecollins​ @evie-pr​ @luc-57x​ @travellvogue​ @englandntposts​ @footballdaydream​ @comfortablechaox​ @ericedgar94​ @waytoobsessedwithfootballers​ @asenwinks Neymar was having a chill day at home with your huge family. 5 Children in total. 6 for Neymar with Davi.  You loved having loads of children, but that was enough. “Hello baby” you smiled as she climbed onto your lap. “You okay? What you doing?” you asked her as you ran your hands through her messy hair. “Playing with Papa. He was tickling me” you smiled as your big brood walked in.  Neymar kisses you on the head as the children walked off and climbed off of your lap. He sat down beside you as you put your legs up on his lap. “Hey baby, you alright?” He asked. “Yes I am good thank you. What are you doing?” you asked him.  “I was thinking...” he paused and shrugged his shoulders. “Oh I don’t like this idea. I am not sure about that” you laughed as he rolled his eyes. “No I am serious here, please just hear me out” you nodded, making him talk again.  “Well, I want us to add to the family. Like 5 just doesn’t feel right?” Neymar asked you, patiently waiting for the reply hesitantly. “Hmmm, Ney. I have 5 children. I don’t know if I want to add anymore. You do realise how hard this is already. I am exhausted, work is super busy and you are fucking expecting me to just drop it all and pop another baby out” you rolled your eyes.  You stormed off and got something in the kitchen. “Hey hey, I am sorry” Neymar put his arms around your waist. You push him away. “No Ney. I don’t want anymore kids. We have spoke about this so many times. Please” you sighed.  “I am sorry, I just thought it would be something we wanted. Y/N I am sorry darling. Come here” Neymar opened his arms for a cuddle. “I am sorry Ney. I just don’t want a baby, we have five. I can’t have anymore”. You told him.  “Anyway can’t be having the boys telling you how much of a baby maker you are. You love it don’t you, you have 6 babe. We aren’t having a football squad darling” you smirked.  “Hmm whatever. I will be sure 5 is rather enough” you laughed at him as you sat down and the kids ran back in. “Silence didn’t last very long did it” Neymar laughed as the girls ran over to him and jumped all over him. “Hey don’t be mean Papa” you laughed.  “I would never be mean to you baby, we enjoy the silence. But we like the noise though occasionally” Neymar teased his two daughters. “You love the noise, ignore him. He is just being a moody teenager” You were now teasing Neymar.  “Excuse me? I am not” Neymar exclaimed. “He is just annoyed because I wouldn’t give him what he wanted” you rolled your eyes. “Why? What did you want Papa?” Neymar gulped loudly.  “Thanks for that babe, we were just talking about adult things. Nothing to worry your precious little heads or minds. Why don’t you go and play in the garden it is very sunny still” They hugged you before they left the room.  “Sorry” you mumbled. “Fine, I will get you back. Just you wait babe” Neymar laughed as you nodded. “I will wait until I see it okay”  Life was happy and crazy, once Neymar realised no more babies were needed to be made.

[siebenschoen]

OC rambling: Diana

Okay, so, Diana is one of my twc detectives, who is still way more in “development” than my other detective, Janosch. (And that says something, considering that I wouldn’t exactly call Janosch’s character fully fleshed out... sometimes I think I don’t have the ability to really do that.)

Nevertheless, I wanna ramble about her for a bit. Mostly about her history, how she came to be and want I want her to be.

(It’s long... and I didn’t check the spelling...)

Diana started as one of my first OCs ever, back when I was 14 and still up to my neck in the pjo fandom. I came up with a whole bunch of OCs at that time, I’d say a new one every few weeks. Mostly for MMFF, which stands for Mitmach-FanFiktion (participation fanfiction) and was a huge thing in German fandoms (especially pjo, Naruto, etc.) back in the early 2010s. I don’t know if it still is (100% of my fandom activity is in English now) and I don’t know if it ever was in English fandom places, but the basic idea is that you submit filled out character sheets to an author and they write a fic featuring the submitted characters. I loved these.

So, Diana started out as a submitted character for a MMFF. I still really like the concept I came up with for her. (She was a daughter of Dionysus, the god of wine and madness and I really leaned into the madness there. I also gave her trauma times 10 and a lot of anger.) Some elements of her original story are a tad bit... questionable? But hey, I was 14, so that’s to be expected.

I haven’t touched the original character sheet in years - I’m not even sure it exists anymore - but the idea of her character stayed with me.

At her heart Diana was an angry, traumatised teenager with an absent father and a neglecting mother. And she still kind of is in a twc context, except the fact that the teenager grew up and is now an adult.

I like to think that she grew more stoic instead of angry the older she got. When you’re angry you’re unhappy with circumstances and want to change them. Diana came to except that she is unable to do so. I wouldn’t say that her anger is gone, but that it became cold. A kind of untouched resource that is still there, somewhere deep down.

I see her with a kind of cynical exception of the status quo, that can turn into furry when provoked. She has wrongly learned that she is not powerful enough to change anything, but she ist still (underlyingly) too angry about it to be satisfied with this. She is fundemantally unhappy with who she has become, but has turned to cynical to realise that she doesn’t have to be this way, that she can be different.

In a more specific twc context: living in Wayhaven is not good for her. I think it would have been good for her to go away (at least) for a while, to have the oppurtunity to explore herself and to meet people, who have no set image of her. But she didn’t, because she grew up so full of anger that it was nearly all that she was and then as she came to think of her anger less as a tool and more as something useless, she didn’t know what else to do. She didn’t move on (or out of Wayhaven), because she didn’t know where else to go, what else to do.

That’s also the reason why I can see her joining the police force, because her father had worked there. Not out of some sense of sentimentality for Rook, but because she quite literally didn’t know what else to do.

I also don’t think she’s happy in her work as a detective. I don’t think she can be truly happy, unless she works through all her pent up stuff and unlearns some of the things she wrongly taught herself. For now it’s just more responsibility she is not capable of properly dealing with.

As for the Bobby vs. Douglas route... I mean, I do love the Bobby drama and it really is tempting, but I can’t see Diana commiting to a relationship with Bobby in college. Maybe a casual thing, but not a commited relationship. So, I tend more towards the Douglas route and I like the idea of Diana helping someone and being the kind of mentor she had needed when she was younger, but also... I don’t headcanon her as reflected enough (yet) to be able to do so.

And last but not least: romance. Diana started out on the M route - more specifically Morgan, since she’s a lesbian. And I still really like the idea of both of them not fully realising what is happening. Both of them falling in love unaware that this is happening (because Diana would do a du Mortain and repress the shit out of that). She’d probably be even more “dense” than Morgan.

... but lately I’ve been thinking “but what about Farah?”. I’m gonna be completely honest, it feels mean, because F deserves the world and Diana is in no position where she can give them that. But Diana working through her issues, unlearning what holds her back, because there is someone who adores her, who thinks her capable of so much- that’s also some really good shit.

[kai-keda]

So something on twitter got me rambling this to someone who I don’t even know whether or not they’re involved in the same communities as me or not and I kinda just realized this is actually a big problem.

Why are fandom spaces having age wars? Or would it be more appropriate to call it generational wars?

Basically what I’m going on about is how now that I’m 25 years old and have joined and become super involved with a relatively much newer community than any other I’ve been in before I’m seeing a lot of hostility.

Hostility thrown at me by complete strangers.

Okay, so, if you’ve known me for long enough you’d know that I’m used to people not liking me because of actions I did or words I said. Specifically I’m referring to that mega dark time in the Dragon Ball fandom when my mental health was unchecked, I was overly emotional and stupid.

When I say “Hostility being thrown at me by complete strangers” in this context I don’t mean it in that same sense. I mean people who only know my age and that I’m in their fandom.

With my previous fandoms they were things that a lot of adults were in as well because they initially joined said fandom as children themselves. This includes Dragon Ball and Naruto. So I never really had a problem with people hearing my age and running for the hills screaming since they were used to seeing adults. There were also communities with source materials that were geared more towards adults like Trigun.

Heck I was still more often than not on the younger side of any particular group discussion. At most I would be more in the middle of the groups age range and never the oldest.

That is until now.

See I’ve recently gotten really excited, obsessed, hyperfixated or whatever you want to call it with the MCYT content creators. I’m talking of course specifically about the Dream SMP stuff but also the creators individually.

I love the Sleepy Bois Inc group and the Dream Team and Fundy and Ranboo and Niki and BBH and Tubbo and just the whole lot of them in the right contexts honestly.

To me this wasn’t really anything new. I mean, once upon a time I enjoyed Yogscast but I was really young and not involved in the internet’s current world of fandom culture. Also, I never obsessed over them and their story. I was into other things at the time.

When I get really invested in something I tend to immediately go searching for a community to share it with and I’ve started following on tumblr and twitter a lot of wonderful fan-artists and analysts and shitposters and man the lot of you are so great. And I’m also subscribed to a LOT of animators on YouTube. I’ve been leaving as many positive comments ranging from pointing out the finer details of a piece of work to fully emotional responses as I can possibly leave.

And it seems like you guys are really awesome and open and friendly! You guys tend to reply to my comments and even if you don’t (which is totally fair! Don’t feel pressured, my comments are to make you feel good not a trap to make you interact with me!) you’ll leave a like or heck a heart on my YouTube comments to y’all’s animations.

Seeing my positive energy getting returned with positive energy gave me the courage to join some discord servers and I started, of course, with the official ones. Wilbur Soot was the content creator of this group of people that I watched first so of course by this point I was subscribed to him on Twitch. I was also subbed to TommyInnit so I joined their servers. I’m in a few other servers including SAD-ist’s server and Techno’s members only server.

I started out joining vc’s and chatting in text channels but it’s been quite a long time since I’ve done either of those two things (not including a stray opinion here or there being thrown into the DreamSMP Boundaries discord).

I’m pretty sure it’s been since early December since I’ve really interacted in ANY of these servers - including the much smaller non-official fan ones!

Why is that?

Honestly, I got tired of the hostility thrown my way at any mention or reminder of my age.

I’m 25 years old and when people in these servers hear that, a good chunk legitimately feel really awkward.

I was asked not once, not twice, but FOUR TIMES in a single night from FOUR DIFFERENT PEOPLE in the SAME VOICE CALL “Why are you in a fan server for a sixteen year old Minecraft streamer (referring to TommyInnit) if you’re 25?” with NO trace of irony and with complete seriousness and out of all those times only ONE PERSON defended me because they were in the call for the third instance only for them to leave, someone else to join and it to happen again.

And each time, the call went quiet and everyone waited silently for my answer. They were all legitimately concerned for the fact that I happen to be a fan of a streamer who happens to be younger than me.

And when I pointed out what I THOUGHT was obvious which was “90% of the other streamers he’s with and openly calls friends are also adults including Wilbur who is only one year younger than me and Philza who is seven years OLDER than me” only a portion of people responded with “yeah that’s true.”

The rest said “That’s not the same.”

I tried again to “explain myself” (we’ll get to how shitty THAT is in a minute) by detailing how I just genuinely think Tommy, and Tubbo as well, are fun to watch. They’re entertaining, they’re funny, they’re energetic, they work well off the other streamers and I also find them adorable the same way I find puppies and kittens adorable. Heck, I love referring to Tommy as a Chihuahua because he’s a tiny little child with a really loud bark. It’s funny and cute and that’s the appeal.

That got a few other people to relax but there were still some people who at this point just said “well, I still think it’s weird but whatever.” and continued on only with an awkward air of nervousness around them.

Alright so it’s really important for me to stress that being a fan of a content creator does not equate wanting anything romantic or sexual with them in any capacity and therefore there is nothing inherently “creepy” or predatory about an adult being a fan of a content creator who happens to be a minor. I get that that seems like a hard concept to grasp but it’s true.

I’m sure there’s plenty of musicians and actors y’all absolutely adore who you don’t want to marry and/or bang. Heck, I’m positive there’s a good chunk of you who love Miyazaki films. You love his work, you’re a fan of what he does, of his content and you’re a fan of him yet you don’t want to marry and/or bang him. I’m sure a lot of you also have really close platonic friendships that you enjoy.

Assuming I’m only a fan of Tommy to get closer to him and his fans who are minors for some gross reasons is really shitty. NEVER assume the worst in someone like that. Be cautious around adults on the internet in general, sure, but this particular attitude I’ve described is disgusting.

Anyways, beyond that though this rabbit hole goes deeper.

It’s not just people being concerned that an adult is a fan of a content creator who is a minor. People have actually openly shamed and mocked me for being 25 years old in these other servers. Including the one you have to pay monthly to get into in the first place!

And now I go on twitter and I see a post pointing out how silly it is for minors to push adults out of fandom spaces that are based on content created BY ADULTS and the replies are people arguing FOR THE EXCLUSION OF ADULTS?!?!

HELLO?!?!

Are you guys okay?!?!

How is me being a fan of Philza and wanting to interact with other fans of his weird and creepy?? THE MAN IS LITERALLY SEVEN YEARS OLDER THAN ME AND MARRIED WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!

I heard that there’s been a lot of drama in the JoJo fandom recently where minors are trying to say the whole fandom needs to be purged of adults??? That it’s meant to be a safe space for children and teenagers?? THE ANIME JOJO’S BIZZARE ADVENTURE?!?! DO Y’ALL KNOW HOW OLD THAT FRANCHISE IS?!?! IT’S OLDER THAN SOME OF YOU!!

Should teenagers have safe spaces in fandom where they don’t have to worry about strange adults if they’re uncomfortable with that? Absolutely.

Should adults be shamed and kicked out of fandom as soon as they become an adult? Should “20” be the age where fandom must stop? Absolutely fucking NOT!

I want so bad to make friendships and be a part of a community of people who enjoy these dorky Minecraft streamers as much as I do. It kills me to open Discord, see all the activity in these servers and shy away at the last minute from joining in because of my age.

I’m rusty on this quote so forgive me if it’s not exact but this has been my life motto since I became an adult and accepted my place in fandom. I think a lot of you guys can learn from it:

“When I became an adult I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up.”

- C.S Lewis

[rinadoesstuff]

Secret Soldiers

Chapter Eight

Georgia, Camp Toccoa, 1942

After being dismissed by Sobel, then Lieutenant Winters, Maggie quickly made her way back before stripping from her Olive Drabs into her PT gear. She often wore it beneath her uniform, making it a lot harder for her to be late. Sobel would punish her for the slightest things, Maggie never wanted to give the man a real reason to punish her.

Making her way toward Currahee, Maggie noticed Sergeant Lipton coming out of the barracks with annoyance written on his face. Slowing down, Maggie gave the man a smile. “Everything alright, Sergeant?”

The man looked up, quickly saluting the Lieutenant before standing at attention before her. Even though she was a woman, the men in the company seemed to recognise that she ranked above her and did treat her as such. It was a relief some days, others she wished they would treat her as a friend. 

“Yes Ma’am, just making sure all the men are on time as normal.” Maggie gave a nod at the man, allowing him to run toward Currahee with Maggie trailing behind him. On the way toward the mountain, the company seemed to meet with a second company. Though Maggie hadn’t had much interaction with the other companies, she always dreaded coming upon them. 

“They need some female company!” Maggie let out a small chuckle, the voice of the man she recognised as Liebgott ringing through the base. She had no clue what had been said but sure enough the man had a retort. The smile was soon wiped from Maggie’s face as she met eyes with another company man. Whilst his friends stopped and watched, the man came toward Maggie. 

“Well, who knew Easy really did have a dame in their company. Fuck running Currahee, come to dinner with me.” It was clear as day that the man was looking Maggie up and down, her PT gear not leaving too much to the imagination. 

With a small smile, Maggie took a step forward “Not a dame, private. A spy and a Lieutenant. If I catch you speaking to any woman that way again, you will be dealing with a lot more than Easy Companies marvelous insults.”

With that, Maggie walked away from the man and in front of Easy company who stood with grins on their faces. None of the company had been thrilled that a woman would be serving with them, all believing they would have to babysit her, yet Maggie had proved she could look after herself. 

Turning round as she walked, Maggie noticed Easy not walking anymore. Yelling, Maggie got the men moving once more. “Really, boys? Are you going to let a dame beat you to Currahee.”

Though she sounded confident, Maggie’s heart was beating rapidly as she attempted to joke around with the men. There was always a high chance that a joke could backfire and leave her feeling even more embarrassed. The brunette was rather joyful when the men started to sprint toward Currahee, Maggie’s words spurring them on so that she would not be the first to Currahee.

Dresden, November 1942

Claire swallowed hard as she looked at the men in front of her. She felt so incredibly small and powerless as the group pushed past her on their way inside. They didn’t waste any time as they started to search through the bookshelves and cupboards. Claire closed the door and swiped the beads of sweat off of her forehead. She felt like the temperature in the apartment dropped by at least five degrees as she watched the men with a careful eye. Not even once since her arrival in Dresden she felt so unsafe. She feared that the skirt she wore would give away the gun that was strapped to her thigh or that the suitcase radio stacked between boxes would catch their attention.

Was she really that uncareful? Was she really stupid enough to leave a trail for them to follow?

Claire really felt like crying from pure fear. She felt like a child, knowing that their mother will find out about the trouble they got into.

Her palm turned sweaty and she let go of the knife in her pocket. She had to make sure to look innocent. Like a simple woman with nothing to hide.

With careful steps she made her way over to a window but not without noting the mess the scattered books on the carpet created. Her own reflexion looked back at her as her gaze was fixated in the dark street, hoping to see the blonde hair of Hans hurrying home.

Claire’s shoulder slumped down at the realisation of her being completely on her own against the Gestapo. 

She turned back to the unwanted commotion as one of the men approached her. He had dark black hair and prominent features. He looked fairly young. Older than Claire but younger than the rest of the group.

“Miss Schneider, wo befindet sich ihr mitbewohner?” The man came to a halt and looked down at her. Claire had to admit that he already looked tall but now so close to her, she felt even smaller.

“Er hat noch Unterricht.” Claire crossed her arms. She was by no means happy about her telling him where Hans was but she couldn’t make them suspicious. If she really was a subject of interest, Claire had to make sure that Hans wouldn’t be dragged into this just because she thought it would be better.

The man nodded at her response. It was at that moment Claire’s attention was pulled back to the group as they made their way back to the entrance. In a matter of seconds they said their goodbye and have left. A sudden wave of relief washed over Claire as she closed the door. The apartment was a mess and the relieved feeling quickly turned into anger. She was mad at herself for letting them cause the mess, mad at Hans for not being by her side when she needed him but most of all mad at herself for letting this happen. 

How was she going to explain to Hans that the Gestapo has their eyes on her? How was she going to explain that he was most likely watched too?

Pushing those thoughts aside she started to pick up the books and to place them back into their former place. She had to stay calm. The more nervous she got the more likely someone would suspect something and she just couldn’t let that happen. Too much was at her risk.

Letting out a heavy sigh Claire stepped into her room. She thought that the living room looked bad but her bedroom shocked her. Even her messy teenager self would cringe at the unmade bed and the clothes strewn across the floor. The first thing she did was to make the bed again, mainly to have a close hiding space for her pistol and other weapons. Claire was glad that she decided to take them all on her body. The next thing she did was to move across the room to pick up her clothing again. 

“You could have at least fucking hung it all back inside, dickhead.” Claire had a frown on her face as she continued to mutter obscene insults directed at the Gestapo as she filled her closet again. Just as she hung the last skirt back inside her bedroom door flung open. Out of reflex she reached for her knife hidden in her skirt as she looked at Hans. The man looked confused and Claire swore that she could see a glint of anger in her eyes. Something she wasn’t used to by the usually calm man. 

Crossing his arms Hans looked at her, head tilted to the side.

“Was in Gottes Namen ist hier passiert?”

• • • • • •

Translations:

“Miss Schneider, where is your roommate?”

“He is still in his classes.”

“What in gods name happened here?”

• • • • • •

Taglist:

@wexhappyxfew @immrsronaldspeirs @trashgoddess600 @junojelli @kmorecoffee @vintagelavenderskies @order-of-river-phoenix @adamantiumdragonfly @happyveday @alrightnicelighter @easy-company-tradition @keoghans @jamie506101 @ultralillylove @pxpeyewynn @pinkesfaultier @madstertb @vikyska

[mcrmadness]

Oooo, how about two from each of them? Fanfic asks: J and P, film asks: 15 and 16, music asks: 20 and 26.

OMG thanks!!! :DDD

Ask games: Fanfic asks, Film asks and Music asks. (People you can still send me asks if you want, asks are fun to answer to!)

***

FANFIC ASKS:

A little background before we get to the questions: I haven’t written too many, actually only 6 quite short ones (and one of them is a bit longer than usual) about Die Ärzte (Bela/Farin FTW) and all of these I have written between the years 2009 and 2012, so I was 18-21 which means they are not that good. And there’s lots of things I wouldn’t write anymore. I also have a WIP on my computer, I started it in 2012 but stopped writing altogether only to start writing again in the end 2018, it has bit over 28k words currently and tbh I have written 90% of that when I started writing again two years ago. I still have my old ones up on LiveJournal (ask for a link), but I haven’t published anything fron this later one as I’ve just been writing down all kinds of snippets whenever I have had an inspiration. I think those are also a lot better in quality than what I wrote before, the old ones are quite cringey.

J. What is your favorite fic that you’ve written?

I guess we talk about those fics I have also finished, now. It’s actually hard to decide but I would say my favourite is either Why not even once? or The Boring Book Freak. I think the latter is actually The favourite.

The first one (was actually my second dä ff overall) is set to happen in 2003 and in that one Farin is leaving for another vacation somewhere and Bela wants to go with him, but Farin wants to travel alone and Bela is struggling with that, as well as with Farin finally leaving and having to somehow survive his time at home without Farin there. The writing itself is bit stupid and I feel that the end got bit too far but otherwise I like the idea.

The second one (came actually after the previous one) is set to happen in the early/mid 90s (my fave Bela/Farin era btw) and on that they just are at some random summer cottage. Now, fuck cottagecores and such, I wrote it because summer cottages are a thing in Finland and I wrote it when cottagecore was not even cool yet. Somehow I imagined that it would be very Farin-like to rent a cottage from the middle of nowhere, in a forest and then spend a weekend or so there with Bela. Who then is not entertained at all and is bored because Farin won’t put away his book and won’t give him any attention, so he tries everything to get Farin’s attention. I especially like the visual images this fanfic gives to me, I can see their hairs and outfits so well and those are also aesthetically very pleasing. (They look the same as in that Absolut Live interview from the 90s, I don’t control their looks with my fics usually, I just have an idea and then my brain creates how they look in that particular scene :D)

I have also written a short songfic around the lyrics of their song “Ich weiß nicht (ob es Liebe ist)” and it was fun to imagine that as Bela/Farin. That was fun to write.

This got a bit long so I put the rest under a cut:

P. What are your favorite tropes to write?

(Had to google what a trope is lol. I’m old-school and no longer know most of the terms unless they’re old terms.)

Angst - I put my own angst, sadness and angriness into my writing often. It’s when I feel like in real life I would need other people but I don’t know how to reach out or don’t just feel comfortable about opening up, I open up a file and start writing. This is also where we get to the next trope...

Hurt/Comfort - But not so that X hurts Y, but that Y feels hurt for other reasons and then X comforts them. I kinda got obsessed with this theme after being bullied at school so I was always hurt but never comforted, so I often go back to those feels and emotions with my text to look for that comfort (hug, nice words, whatever) I never got in real life.

Fluff - This is bit complicated because I like writing fluff but I also hate reading fluff I have written. Because it does not sound like me. And sometimes when I write, I feel like standing behind my own back and vomiting a little on the inside because of how cheesy and disgusting that is but still I can’t stop writing. And then I feel like a different person when I read them because I can’t believe it’s ME who wrote them. The same way when I watch movies and people kiss, I always look away. And I want to look away when I read my fanfiction. But I can’t, especially because I know I looked at that scene in my head when I wrote it.

Humour - I love humour so much and I like to include this to my writing. Normally I put the humour in my comics but some of that fits also in the regular texts too.

***

FILM ASKS:

These are super tough but also fun - I have been trying to think of what to answer to these for days.

15. A film everyone loves but you hate?

The Avengers (-12). Sorry but not sorry. Well I don’t hate it but I don’t understand why everyone says it’s the best Marvel movie ever. It’s not. It’s full of clichés and stupid forced heteroromances and whatnot and the plot was just so, so predictive I don’t understand why it’s often talked about as some sort of cinematic master piece. I literally was able to tell everything that was gonna happen next when I watched it for the first time. Only cool things in that movie are Loki and Iron Man, whose character I already liked as I had seen the Iron Man movie and liked it. But I hated both Thor movies (the third one is awesome tho). 

I like Marvel and I have seen I guess most of the movies - before MCU all good Marvel movies to come out were The X-Men movies and Spider-Man movies, and because I saw so many terrible Marvel movies, I was avoiding the whole MCU and I got into these movies much later and still, after seeing them all, I say The Avengers is one of the worst ones. Thor and Thor 2 are pretty much even worse (and I haven’t even seen the Hulk movie because it looks terrible), mainly because I just can’t stand the fact they’re mainly just built around Thor and his love interest...

16. A film you love but everyone else hates?

Spider-Man 3 (or the whole trilogy with Tobey Maguire). I see we continue with Marvel here but seriously I don’t understand why everyone is always picking on Tobey’s version of Spider-Man? And people especially hate the third movie and how Venom was portrayed in it (I’m obsessed with Venom’s human teeth pls I want his teeth), when it’s actually the best one for me. The second one is bit boring because it was again all about whining and Mary-Jane... Anyway, the reason why I am so attached to these movies is that I saw the first Spider-Man movie from TV when I was a teenager and in junior high myself, and I was bullied and a bit of a nerd so I could relate to Peter Parker a lot, and it gave me just so much strength to see him become Spider-Man and to stand up against the bullies and other assholes.

I also saw the third movie in the movie theater and there was one scene during which I started hysterically laughing with my friend because of an expression Tobey made as he was sitting on a bed, I don’t know why but somehow I just totally lost it at that :D It still makes me laugh so much when I see it! And when the movie ended, I heard a The Killers song “Move Away” for the first time during the end credits and TK was one of my favorite bands at the time (and still is).

***

MUSIC ASKS:

20. a song that empowers you

It gotta be Dead! by My Chemical Romance:

This album was what got me through all the shit that happened when I was 15+ and especially this song always made (and still makes) me feel so good. I often listened to my old mp3 player while walking to school and back home and every time this song came by, I just felt like nothing can harm and that life FINALLY was so great! It’s so energetic and still makes me feel that living is actually super awesome.

26. a song that taught you a lesson

Hmmm. I think I will answer to this with Dusche by Farin Urlaub.

That thumbnail is terrible but... And why did I choose this song? Well, I’m all for the sound what comes to music and I’d say at least 80% of all lyrics go way over my head. I just don’t have the skills for understanding poetry and also very poetic lyrics make me go crazy. I hate not knowing and when I have to assume, guess and interpret something. I don’t want to guess but I wanna know what someone has actually thought.

Dusche was the first song that had lyrics that for the first time ever actually spoke for me. I probably saw some video with English subtitles a fan had made and it just blew me away because holy shit, people are capable of writing lyrics even I can understand??? And that way I realized I can like lyrics but only if they make absolutely no sense (aka are funny or somewhat crazy, like Dusche) or when they are written in a story form or sung from the 1st person view or to “you” or in passive - but only if I can get behind the idea there.

After Dusche, Farin’s song Porzellan followed. And one of my absolute favourites is Karten. So, Farin is one of the only few people whose lyrics I have been able to understand. I still don’t hear lyrics and don’t understand a majority of the lyrics my fave bands write, and I have understood only a couple of Bela’s lyrics and I’m not sure if I’ve understood any of Rod’s lyrics. It’s not even about the language barrier anymore really, it’s just the topics or wordings I cannot comprehend.

Thank you again for the ask! This was very interesting to ponder and answer to :)

[leoninapelliolovesconchitawurst]

ENGLISH TRANSLATION (by me)

ZEITUNG ONLINE 11/11/19

Interview: Rabea Weihser

https://www.zeit.de/kultur/musik/2019-11/conchita-wurst-tom-neuwirth-queen-of-drags-heidi-klum

Conchita Wurst : "For me as a man, this is very difficult to discuss"

Is drag cultural appropriation? Tom Neuwirth alias Conchita Wurst sits on the jury of the new Heidi Klum show "Queen of Drags" and must hear many allegations.

Tom Neuwirth just turned 31 years old. At 17, he reached the second place in the Austrian talent show "Starmania" and was a member of the boy band Jetzt Anders for a short time ! In 2012 he took part in the Austrian preselection for the Eurovision Song Contest (ESC) for the first time in the guise of his art figure Conchita Wurst. The protest was big: Should a woman with a beard represent the country? Two years later he tried again and won the biggest singing competition in the world for Austria. Now Neuwirth has gotten rid of the long hair and released his third album "Truth over Magnitude". As of November 14, he will appear on the screen of the casting show "Queen of Drags" alongside Heidi Klum and Bill Kaulitz on ProSieben. Since the announcement, there has been strong criticism of this broadcast format - especially from the queer community. How does Neuwirth handle it? We meet him in October in a hotel in Berlin, he sits down and hums a happy fanfare.

ZEIT ONLINE: Mr. Neuwirth, you have short hair and now appear as Wurst, without Conchita. From the press release for your new album, we take that is now your "masculine-edged" contrast program. Does it always need an art figure that embodies a certain facet, or at some point you can sometimes say, "My name is Tom Neuwirth and that's all"?

Tom Neuwirth: I have the feeling that I am now as close to my private person as never before. Maybe last was when I was 17 and at Starmania. I constantly get the question: Is it him or her now? I then always entice myself to open a drawer to explain to people what is actually going on. In the end, it's just me, and sometimes with a wig, sometimes without, sometimes masculine, sometimes feminine.

ZEIT ONLINE: Without this glamorous costuming you are probably much more approachable, even for the fans.

Neuwirth: Of course, I notice that without the wig the situations in which people recognize me become more and more frequent. And I'm not sure how funny that is. Barbara Schöneberger once said that she would not be recognized on the street if she did not wear make-up. I'm trying that too. (laughs out loud)

TIME ONLINE: Not really, right?

Neuwirth: Of course it's a double-edged sword. I have understood in recent years: The lightness and the world in my head are not always compliant with a First Lady Conchita in a pencil skirt and well-shorn hair. What I'm doing now is part of my personality that I have not lived up to now in a female appearance. I've always danced to electro music privately and thought to myself: Why do not I make music that I like?

ZEIT ONLINE: Does Truth over Magnitude mean a musical cut or is it more in your production?

Neuwirth: I had created a President's wife and worked and lived according to this protocol. I lost myself after the song contest. Musically, of course, it's a different sound, although on my first studio album, I already had numbers that were relatively electronic. But they did not get that much attention. And so, yes: it was probably the larger cut optically. It was the bald spot. It freed me.

ZEIT ONLINE: With this bald head you were in February at the side of the Austrian Minister of Justice Josef Moser (ÖVP) at the Vienna Opera Ball. When you won the ESC as a bearded lady five years ago, especially conservative politicians made a derogatory remark. Heinz-Christian Strache, Vladimir Putin, Jarosław Kaczyński ...

Neuwirth: Everyone was there. Thanks for the attention. (Laughs)

ZEIT ONLINE: How do you assess the situation of trans people and homosexuals in Europe today? Could you do something with your presence?

Neuwirth: I think that something has changed in the media mainstream. Even when I talk to teenagers, I notice a sensibility that I did not know before - that's when I'm being reprimanded when I say something wrong. And that, I think, is a beautiful development. But I tend to forget that I live in a bubble too.

ZEIT ONLINE: We have to talk about the great mustard yellow lacquer stilettos you are wearing right now.

Neuwirth: You can tell that I'm from Los Angeles. I looked at myself today and thought: Ah, there is a bit left over!

ZEIT ONLINE: You were in California to shoot with Heidi Klum and Bill Kaulitz the new ProSieben show Queen of Drags. This is a format inspired by Ru Paul's Drag Race, a talent show for drag queens that is very successful in the USA.

Neuwirth: Let's say what it's like: Ru Paul's Drag Race has shown a growing generation that individualism is great. This has been consumed in my community for ten years. And that has also made us a bit stronger. But when I see a couple of two women or two men in Vienna, I think it's nice, but I still notice how special that is. And I believe, as long as that is still the case, we can not say that there is equality.

ZEIT ONLINE: The German audience knows Dragqueens rather in the form of Olivia Jones, Lilo Wanders or Mary from the jam advertising. They called them Tunten and always liked to bring them as birds of paradise in front of the camera, if it should be colorful or even slippery. So, if you've only seen this before, you may be wondering, what is Drag?

Neuwirth: We all make drag. We go out in the morning with our worklook, our working face, and that is already a form of metamorphosis. In this culture of stage performance, drag is a total work of art by a person who must have an incredible number of talents. In the most understandable sense, it is the illusion of a female figure.

ZEIT ONLINE: ... portrayed by someone born in the body of a man?

Neuwirth: Not mandatory. There are also women who make drag. There are also heterosexuals who make drag. There are no limits, and that's great. At Queen of Drags, we have guys who portray their version of a female illusion. This is sometimes very close to reality, with beard, others have rather created an alienesque being. I said to all my friends, they have to try dragging once.

ZEIT ONLINE: Why is that important?

Neuwirth: This mask you put on makes you uncompromisingly yourself.

ZEIT ONLINE: If you put them back then ...

Neuwirth: No. Quite simply said: You disguise yourself and this shield is a bit unrestrained. You have other conversations, you are safer in your skin. One alienates and then comes to himself. The next day, when the make-up is down, you may not be as sassy as last night. But you have learned something emotionally, and you take that with you. To see how far your own character is, how much fun you can have with you: this is one of the most beautiful experiences you can do.

ZEIT ONLINE: Cologne Carnivalists would probably say so synonymous. Is it important for this borderline experience to change into the opposite sex?

Neuwirth: No. But the illusion of the opposite sex is a bit stronger than, for example, a toadstool costume. Because, in this case, you get in touch with your female side, which is what many boys do not do, gay or heterosexual.

ZEIT ONLINE: Drag is really a pretty committed subculture. Were you traveling in this scene before you thought up Conchita Wurst?

Neuwirth: I think I was in Drag for the first time when I was 15. I went out and never felt better and more comfortable. The Drag scene in Austria is not really big, but I was looking for my stages somehow. I moderated or sang shows, danced wherever I was allowed to. When I took part in the preliminary round of the Song Contest for the first time in 2012, suddenly there were so many opportunities for me. And I was allowed to travel. Here in Berlin, I met and understood Barbie Breakout, Melli Magic and Gloria Viagra: Ah, that's the sisterhood that everyone is talking about. I love this drag community so much because we can all be a little bit more than we want. With all our emotions and sensitivities and our ego sense of being. But when the going gets tough, we stand up for each other.

ZEIT ONLINE: Every year at carnival time is discussed whether in view of the colonial history, children are still allowed to disguise as Native Americans. Miley Cyrus was scolded in 2013 because she was twerking, and actually only black women with round butts do. Canada's Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is in for trouble because he went to the carnival 20 years ago with a dark face as Aladdin. If one wishes to continue this thought, one could also call drag a kind of cultural appropriation: men, who are generally in a stronger social position than women, play womanhood for entertainment. How do you see that?

Neuwirth: That's very interesting. And in certain parts that's probably true. I also found myself in situations when I worked with colleagues and the press afterwards wrote: I was great and she was vulgar. Then I realized: Oh, I'm still a white man. This imbalance prevails and it is absolutely right to think about it. It is true in part, it is an appropriation. But I think skin color is not a costume.

ZEIT ONLINE: What fascinates you about this appropriation of femininity?

Neuwirth: I was raised by strong women, I love women. The first almost 20 years of my life I listened almost exclusively to female singers, everything else I found boring. Empress Elisabeth or Maria Theresia were also such inspiring personalities, and that cultures inspire me is just as legitimate. But it is incredibly sensitive and difficult to handle properly.

ZEIT ONLINE: A flow of feminism criticized the Drag especially the representation of exaggerated female characteristics, while fighting for equal rights and reduce gender stereotypes. In modern societies, men become slightly more feminine and women more masculine. Why does the drag scene love the conservative female look?

Neuwirth: I breathe individualism. And I would find it terrible if suddenly we were all unified. I'm not concerned about gender roles. My point is that everyone recognizes his own color and paints himself with it. But why should not an overly feminine woman like Pamela Anderson be a feminist?

TIME ONLINE: This feminist current would now answer: she can not be a feminist because her looks are based on the satisfaction of the male sex drive. If she keeps dressing like that, she betrays women fighting toxic manhood.

Neuwirth: But why ... For me as a man, this is very difficult to discuss because I will never understand it authentically.

ZEIT ONLINE: This is the core of the discussion about cultural appropriation. The social or psychological pressure on marginalized people can not be understood from the outside. Do you have the right to disguise yourself as her?

Neuwirth: How could one find an answer to that? I put on clothes, because I find it stunningly beautiful. And not because I think about stepping on someone's neck ...

ZEIT ONLINE: ... or, if you agree with the image of those who may find it beautiful?

Neuwirth: Yes! I'm sorry, in my world it's all about me. I have only one life and I would like to have it as nice as it gets.

ZEIT ONLINE: The criticism of your participation in Queen of Drags must have met you. Especially drag queens have publicly lamented the sell-out of their subculture. Is not it also a kind of cultural appropriation by Heidi Klum, who is not a drag queen, to profitably use this subculture as an entertainment program?

Neuwirth: Maybe. I take this opportunity to bring the drag theme into mainstream and find that Heidi, even if she is not from that scene, has an absolute right to judge a performance. She comes from entertainment and is probably one of the most famous German-speaking people. Would this format have been achieved without her? Maybe not now, or maybe never. Or maybe on a slot, where nobody would have been interested. She is of course a multiplier and a very sensitive one. The criticism was incredibly loud, and I was a little bit confused, because our community always strives to be inclusive, inclusive and without prejudice towards people.

ZEIT ONLINE: I read a quote from the drag queen Dita Whip regarding the jury constellation: "Finally Conchita Wurst will sit next to the extrovert over the top Heidi and watch, powerless how Klum and ProSieben clog their pockets at the expense of queer culture."

Neuwirth: (laughs softly) I would not let that "powerless" stand. (laughs louder) I talked to my friends because I too needed to be sensitized, especially with regard to this cultural appropriation. I am relatively naive and draw my inspiration from everything I see and experience. I was told that financial enrichment was the main problem. And I can understand that for a while. I hope, but also that our Queens have careers according to this format and can do what they like most every day. I focus on that. Not that this statement is now total nonsense, but I think the truth is in the middle.

ZEIT ONLINE: Can I accuse you of opportunism?

Neuwirth: opportunism? I need a translator now, please.

ZEIT ONLINE: Once you said in an analogous sense: Maybe my career will last another 20 years, I just take everything with me. Let ProSieben pull you out of the car to bring credibility to the show?

Neuwirth: Oh, opportunism!

ZEIT ONLINE: There is money, attention, airtime. Is it justified to offend parts of the sisterhood? Or say, "Yo, run with me, that's the business"?

Neuwirth: I have received many such inquiries in the last few years. It took us until we got to the point of being able to realize this show. And I'm probably not an opportunist. I'm just fired up if anything interests me. I am a drag race fan and I come back from L.A. with a full heart. Of course it's a huge show and I love to be in the limelight, I love being in the spotlight. At the same time, I consider myself selective and do not do everything. I hoped that this project would be more personal to me than just a TV show. And that's what it actually has become. It was so much fun that I just hope it translates to the audience. It was just awesome.

[thespacebetweenworlds]

idk if you’ll care about this but your thing about the whole “fiction is just fiction” and “fiction doesn’t affect reality” argument is actually not true at all because let’s just say for example: having lgbt, poc, disability rep in books or media isn’t all that important because it doesn’t affect reality.... when it does? it makes a HUGE impact on people. but yes I see where you’re coming from and as a person who hates incest with a passion, I don’t think u guys deserve these threats AT ALL.

Thank you for not thinking I should die a violent death. And thank you for this ask! I love being asked things. And to respond to your point, that fiction does affect reality, with the example of how representation is pretty awesome: that’s a freaking good point you have there, that I agree with - partially.

This Essay is titled: Fiction and Reality and How the everloving Fuck do they interact and what by nathan wesninski’s underpants does that have to do with fandom discourse?

So, beyond the read more you’ll have a compilation of my thoughts on it (that didn’t take several hours to write and edit). I’ll talk about:

1. Definition Of Fiction, Definition Of Reality

2. (How) Does Fiction Affect Reality?

3. Representation In Fiction

4. Who Judges Fanfic?

5. ”this content is problematic,” says you. ”please don’t mention power dynamics,” replies I

6. Censorship

7. A Brief History Of Why Fanfic Is Awesome

8. Links to stuff that might interest you

I’m just gonna. Quickly do that part in radioactive with the deep breath.

To start this, I want to clarify that in the response I made to transneiljosten’s post, I never explicitly said “fiction doesn’t affect reality” or “fiction is just fiction.”

What I did say is this: “Incest in fiction is just that: incest in fiction. It’s. not. real.” And: “I believe everyone should be allowed to write/create what they want - as long as it doesn’t hurt people in real life.”

But yes, the phrases “fiction is just fiction” and “fiction is not reality” have been used often when discussing freedom to write fanfic and when defending content another might call immoral. Not many people have elaborated beyond that, and to be fair - it’s a super big fucking field of study with so many subjective ways to look at it that it’s difficult to put into words.

But I’m gonna go and explain what people mean with those two phrases anyway.

Disclaimer: Remember how I called this a super big fucking field of study? I am no linguist and I have not studied literature. All my knowledge comes from years in fandom and internet research of the topics I personally found interesting. I may be wrong about things I say here, and I am always learning, so feel free to message me. I try my best to discuss controversial topics thoughtfully, respectfully, considerately and carefully, but I am only human and do not know everything. You are welcome to join the discussion.

1. Definition Of Fiction, Definition Of Reality

Going to https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/ to properly look this up:

Reality: The state of things as they actually exist, as opposed to an idealistic or notional idea of them.

Fiction: Literature in the form of prose, especially novels, that describes imaginary events and people.

So I say I don’t study literature (I really don’t) but just a few weeks ago I was in a lecture on the absolute basics of literature science, where I learned this dope sentence:

Die Wirklichkeit in der Kunst ist nur eine auf die außerkünstlerische Wirklichkeit verweisende Wirklichkeit.

Which is German, yes I know. Basically we have the starting point that literature is art, so it’s: "the reality in art is only a reality that refers to the reality outside of art" or, in other words, fiction is only ever fiction and not reality, no matter how close they may seem to be.

In summary, what we can say for sure: Fiction does not equal Reality. They are not the same. Fiction exists because Reality exists.

2. (How) Does Fiction Affect Reality?

Reality affects fiction. But does Fiction affect Reality?

Allow me to quote tumblr user shinelikethunder, who put it very nicely:

“Fiction affects people. And people affect reality.”

Tumblr user muchymozzarella made an important addition (and the blog is really pretty) so to read the post, klick on this link: https://muchymozzarella.tumblr.com/post/167137950299/fiction-is-not-responsible-for-reality

If you read the above post, further reading that might interest you are texts by Immanuel Kant and Arthur Schopenhauer on Free Will. But that wouldn’t be fandom anymore, so like, find philosophy books in your local library and talk to you friends about it.

3. Representation In Fiction

But let’s come back to your question, dear anon: “... the whole “fiction is just fiction” and “fiction doesn’t affect reality” argument is actually not true at all because let’s just say for example: having lgbt, poc, disability rep in books or media isn’t all that important because it doesn’t affect reality.... when it does? it makes a HUGE impact on people.”

You have a great point. Representation in books matters. (If you rec me some nice wlw books I’ll love you forever, there are not enough.)

I am, however, gonna quote my friend of mine, who says it better than I ever could:

“There is a difference between media affecting behaviour and representation in media. Like, violent video games don't actually make you violent. Watching gay cinema isn't going to turn you to the lgbt side unless there was already a disposition there.

People read and write immorality constantly, and even when it's shone in a good light it's usually expected that we as human beings know right from wrong, know fiction from reality. Humanity has explored the happy shiny purity of the universe and the horrific grittiness since... Well probably forever, for a variety of reasons. And in recent years the way we consume media has intensified drastically. Our consumption is interactive, our interaction is globally influenced and sometimes that is good, but we've also given ourselves the right to witch-hunt without a lot of information, or because things don't go as you planned. Real people are always more important than fictional people.

Stand up for representation. Stand up for good representation. But if you're smart enough to understand morality in reality, that isn't going to suddenly go away if you read some incest fics... And hey if you do suddenly want to kiss your brother, that's something for you to deal with and it isn't fan fiction's fault.”

Representation in books matters. Why does it matter? Because the real world is so much more diverse than popular media might make you think. Fight against the patriarchy, not against random people on the internet.

4. Who Judges Fanfic?

Fanfic is written by fans. It’s also written for fans, but more than that, it’s written by fans. I’m not gonna say only teenage girls write fanfiction, because that’s not true. Fans write fanfiction. And everyone can be a fan.

Ozhawkauthor said:

“You are not paying for fanworks content, and you have no rights to it other than to choose to consume it, or not consume it. If you do choose to consume it, do not then attack the creator if it wasn’t to your taste. That’s the height of bad manners.

Be courteous in fandom. It makes the whole experience better for all of us.”

So why are “antis” suddenly here, declaring this ship and those characters off limits and to be hated on?

Specifically, what the fuck are fans that attack or judge other fans on?

To quote shinelikethunder (again): “Fiction needn’t be educational and fiction doesn’t always have clear-cut endorsements of who’s in the right. But the discussion that happens around fiction can include both.”

But to answer the question above: Who Judges Fanfic? Not. You.

5. ”this content is problematic,” says you. ”please don’t mention power dynamics,” replies I

Hypothetical situation:

I write a fanfic. My protagonist is Riko Moriyama, who is, in canon, a sadistic asshole that is so morally black that his own brother, Ichirou, who is also morally black, kills him in the end. It doesn’t matter what I write, or who I ship him with, in this hypothetical situation.

You appear, you read the fic or you don’t read the fic. You say: “This content is problematic.”

I quiver. I know you don’t like Riko Moriyama. I know you don’t approve of my shipping choice. “Please don’t mention power dynamics,” I reply.

“This relationship is toxic,” you say. “There are unhealthy power dynamics at play.”

And like, fuck, I know? I wrote it.

Obviously. Obviously I could reply with that ancient, age old phrase “Don’t Like Don’t Read.”

But I already made a similar post about that.

6. Censorship

I’m writing this post to fight against censorship in fandom. (The day I am typing this up on was the day I went to a demonstration against articles 11 and 17, earlier 13, in the copyright reform in the EU, and to protest for a free internet.)

Censorship.

What does that even mean? The Oxford English Dictionary says:

Censorship: The suppression or prohibition of any parts of books, films, news, etc. that are considered obscene, politically unacceptable, or a threat to security.

Here’s the wikipedia article.

In my opinion, every person, regardless of whether or not they call themselves “anti” who tells someone else that their fanfic is disgusting and wrong and should be deleted, based on subjective ideas of moral, is trying to enforce censorship. So don’t. Don’t do that.

“But,” you might say. “Riko is not a good person.”

And you know what? You’re absolutely right. He’s not. Neither is any of the Foxes.

And this is why none of the antis make sense. In one post, they condemn Roland - a perfectly normal minor character, and in the next post they call Andrew Minyard their soft angel child. Y’all. Not to hate on Andrew Minyard, but he literally drugged Neil? Even though he’s so big on consent, he drugged Neil?

So by saying this and that are problematic and should not be written and the people who do write it should be blocked, you’re kinda hypocritical. Because the All For The Game trilogy is one fucked up piece of media by itself.

And have you ever read a book?

Most books have characters that aren’t completely morally white or morally black, events that aren’t always sunshine, butterflies and rainbows.

And you know what else? That’s a good thing. Because the world isn’t like that either. And more often than not literature addresses topics critically.

Remember The Hunger Games? Exactly.

7. A Brief History Of Why Fanfic Is Awesome

In the beginnings of fanfic and fandom as we know it, slash was illegal in the USA. Fanfiction.net was made in like 1998, and during the first few years when fanfic got more attention with the rise of the internet, restrictions were made.

Much like tumblr in december 2018, except worse, fanfiction.net purged explicit content. Livejournal, the journaling platform where lots of fandom stuff happened before tumblr, is known for strikethrough, a big, unannounced deletion of fannish content. Because of those purges and restrictions, ao3 was originally made. I’m not trying to paint ao3 as the heroes that saved fandom, well I kinda am, and they are doing great things so that fanfiction can exist and remain accessible.

I think fiction is not just fiction. But fiction is just fiction in the sense that it doesn’t have any direct influence on the real world. We are all allowed to write whatever we want.

Disclaimer: We are all allowed to write whatever we want, except when we call for violence towards others in real life. Further disclaimer: Calling for violence towards others is illegal. Hate speech is illegal. Violent threats are illegal. Promotion of self-harm is illegal. Death threats are illegal.

To come back to fandom: Shipping or not shipping something has nothing to do with morals. Hating on people who ship “unhealthy power dynamics/problematic ships” does not give you the moral high ground. It makes you an asshole. For the love of Riko’s stinky socks, use the blocking feature.

My friend iknowwhoyouaredamianos said: “Hating people irl, lashing out against them, that's the real cruelty. That's so much worse than writing about something fictional.”

If you hate on real people, there is no trigger warning. You can’t don’t-like-don’t-read hate. It will affect that person’s life negatively, whether you intend to do so or not. Don’t be assholes, dears.

Thank you to my friend, and to iknowwhoyouaredamianos for letting me quote you and joining the discussion; and to foxsoulcourt for so many reasons.

Who knew that writing over 2000 words on fandom would be fun?

Dear anon, I hope I answered your question.

I’m gonna conclude this post with the Three Laws of Fandom:

I. Don’t Like; Don’t Read.

II. Your Kink Is Not My Kink.

III. Ship And Let Ship.

8. Links To Stuff That Might Be Of Interest

If you read all of the above and still feel like you don’t understand, have this awesome post by destinationtoast: How to not like fictional things (and not be a dick about it)

Podcasts on fandom culture by fansplaining:

Episode 84: Purity Culture

Episode 85: Age and Fandom

Episode 86: The Money Question

Episode 87: What we discourse about when we discourse about the discourse

Fandom positivity posts I reblogged (because y’all need it):

short post on staying positive in fandom

when discourse gets too stressful

important advice especially for those of you younger than 15 (but also older)

Tumblr user freedom-of-fanfic is writing lots of essays on lots of fandom things, here are some those more or less directly relate to this:

On criticising: Free to write whatever, free to criticise whatever?

A post on Fiction & Reality that answers a question very similar to the one I answered,

and Why fanworks are such a convenient social scrapegoat (kinda a socioeconomical discussion of USA-centric fandom)

There is also a very extensive FAQ by freedom-of-fanfic, with lots of very important writings on fandom culture on tumblr.

Unrelated, but if you’re interested in more of fandom, fanfic, and statistics of both:

http://destinationtoast.tumblr.com/stats

Interesting stuff on Fanlore: Purity Culture in Fandom, AO3 & Censorship, The Advantages of Fan Fiction as an Art Form.

An article on the free speech debate in fandom

Dreamwidth’s Diversity Statement, and Ao3’s Diversity Statement

A cool (and unrelated) thing: Femslash can save the world if we let it

Happy reading, and I hope you learned something.

[cupidmarwani-archive]

Leaving Our Home (1/10)

Summary: Mike and Peter, two gifted teenagers, decide to run away before they can have their powers exploited. But they know they can't do it alone, and soon start looking for more people like them.

Word Count: 1330

“You’re thinking weird.”

When Peter was about six years old, it started. He thought he was sick, although he frequently got shots and saw a doctor, but neglected to tell anyone. At the time, Pam was already in treatment for the things she heard in her own head, he remembers. Endless medications, constant appointments with psychologists and psychiatrists and other -ists he was always overwhelmed by. He remembers how frightening it had been to hear the things Pam did. To have to deal with it all the time, he can’t imagine. So he told no one about how he could hear others’ thoughts.

“That’s not unusual for me.”

Mostly those of the shy boy who lived next door, Michael Dodds. While all minds vary in clutter and readability, he has always been so easy to understand. Whereas most minds are like Jello, easy to get into with a little bit of attention and desire, Mike is like water, free flowing and almost impossible not to touch. Inside, however, he is extremely disorganized. Wild with emotions, mostly pain and fear, but plenty of guilt. Especially guilt. It all comes along with memories of the sort of things his father put him through on a day to day basis. At times, it’s overwhelming, more so than the other people he slowly begins to hear as well.

“And that’s not what I meant. You’re hiding something from me.”

Mike was the very first person Peter told the truth to about the things he hears. In their teen years, they spent so much time together, talking through the windows of their brownstones and playing “I Spy” while Mike playfully accused him of cheating by reading his mind. It was always true because Peter didn’t know how not to. He had so little control. Not that he has much now, he thinks, but he’s getting better at controlling how much he sees. Today, however, he’s giving more effort into reading Mike than he ever has without pushing too deep, and everything is incredibly stiff and forced. There’s a barrier. He’s hiding something.

“I’m not.”

When they were eight, Mike showed him his powers. The two of them were biking around the block when Peter hit a divot in the road and fell. Like eight year olds do, Peter burst into tears and laid there on the hot asphalt, burning his skin more on accident and crying harder. Then Mike was pulling him out of the street and sitting with him on the sidewalk with a hand on the back of Peter’s neck. His skin was cold. Slowly, the pain faded, and the scrapes knit back together. Just like that, he was listening to Mike’s thoughts and learned about how he had powers too. He wasn’t alone.

“I’m not kidding.”

There’s no answer to Peter’s prodding. Mike just focuses on pouring milk into a measuring cup. It’s his seventeenth birthday, and it’s long since been a tradition of theirs to bake him a cake. His father would never allow it if he knew, and that’s exactly why they always do it. Sometimes, he just deserves good things.

“Do you ever think about running away?”

“You say that all the time,” Peter says, “but you never mean it. You’re underage and your father is literally the chief of police. And mine is a DA. At best, you get a slap on the wrist for running away. I don’t wanna think about worst case scenario.”

Normally, this is where Mike starts whisking in the milk while Peter cracks in the eggs, but instead he turns around and lights the burner. “No, no, I’m serious. I’ve got a bunch of money saved up that I’ve been taking from my dad’s wallet when he’s asleep. And- and- I used some connections to get us fakes.”

“Us, Mikey? And what’re you doing with the stove?”

In Mike’s thoughts, it’s mostly blank. All that remains is an image of Mike’s father towering over him, slamming a door on him. That, and a heavy intention that Peter tastes in the back of his throat like pennies. For the first time, he’s afraid of what Mike might do. He’s seen enough horror films to know how easy a stove stop can hurt someone, especially someone whose face is pressed against it by someone much stronger. And the fear is there, really there, while Peter watches Mike with wide eyes.

“I want you to come with me, is all. I’d miss you. And you have every reason to run away too.”

He finishes his details in his head, and Peter can only stand still in shock. Mike’s been listening in to conversations between their parents. When they’re out of school and no one will miss them, how they can be used to interrogate people. Mike can hurt them, Peter can read their minds. They wouldn’t be people anymore, they’d be tools. And they’d never truly get to live, as if their childhoods haven’t been taken from them already.

With how distracted he is, Peter doesn’t notice why Mike turned the stove on until the thoughts flare with pain and he pays attention in the real world to see Mike holding his fingertips to the burner. The air turns acrid. By the time he’s able to react, he feels like throwing up as he drags Mike away from the stove top and watches the burns heal into bumpy scars. Suddenly he realizes how serious Mike must actually be, because he burned his fingertips. No prints.

“You’re leaving with or without me, aren’t you?” he asks, staring down at the healed burns. “You wanna get as far away from here as possible.”

As much as Peter wants Mike to be safe and happy, this is extreme and he’s terrified of what could happen next. If they fail to escape, the repercussions could be severe. They don’t know how to make it on their own, anyway. And they’re still in high school. But he also understands how Mike can’t wait a day longer in this place. That all said, he can’t handle the idea of sending Mike out on his own. He’s naive, and sweet, and not experienced with what real people are like. It would be reckless. He pulls Mike into his arms and holds him close. All he can hear from Mike’s thoughts is hope for the first time in his life.

“Okay. Do you have everything on you that you need?” Peter asks. It may not be safe to let him back into that house. “All your money? The IDs? I have clothes if we need them.”

Mike nods. “I have for about a month. And my backpack has other stuff we might need. One of those foil blankets, and matches, and a refillable water bottle. I didn’t do anything in class today and I know that my Dad is gonna kill me when he gets home.”

Just like that, Mike’s thoughts turn to immediate plans. The first solid image Peter reads is his own hands on the burner, losing his prints. It would be much easier, he has to admit, but he’s still scared. Pain has never been something he handles with ease. Any last objections, he needs to raise now, before it’s too late. The cake ingredients are sitting on the counter, unmixed. Peter can stay here, and say he knew nothing, hide all clues about Mike from their families’ heads.

He can’t. And he nudges Mike’s thoughts  with an okay. Smiles when Mike still looks up at him for permission. Every ounce of his willpower goes to not resisting when his hands are guided to the heat. He doesn’t feel it because Mike takes the pain for him, heals him, which is somehow worse. When they’re out on the streets, Peter will have to feel pain and Mike can’t always protect him from it.

“We’ll be okay,” Mike says, tilting Peter’s hand a little to make sure the full prints are gone.

[i-am-not-anon]

Soft and sweet

This is a birthday-present for @allimeraine about Dr.Schneeplestein and her oc Allimeraine based on our roleplay universe. I hope you like it! ^^ (sorry for the bad German I used Google translate)

Schneep hummed, stirring sauce on the stove with a wooden spoon. It was a chill friday afternoon, and he was cooking late lunch for the house full of people and other creatures that he was happy to call his extended family. The doctor checked the oven as an alarm went off, noticing that the potato wedges weren’t fully cooked yet and adding a few more minutes to the timer. Arms wrapping around his middle from behind starled him slightly, but he quickly recognized the familiar, white-polished fingernails.

”Hi Alli, wat’s up”, he chuckled softly, earning a giggle that was fainted by his light blue t-shirt.

“Not much, Henry”, Alli sighed and peeked over his shoulder. “I just think it’s cute that you keep cooking for everybody despite their laziness to help you clean afterwards.”

Schneep smiled at the nickname, shrugging. “It iz not that big deal. I would cook to myself anyway, why not for everybody zhen.”

”It is cute”, Alli insisted, ”you are cute and soft, even though it’s sometimes hard to notice.”

”You and your sappy,,sappiness”, Schneep muttered, blushing lightly as he pulled Alli to his side. ”Do you want to zaste my sauce and tell if it’s good, Liebling?”

”Of course, дорогая.” Alli took the spoon Henrik offered to her and tasted, bringing a hand to her jaw as if it was difficult to tell if it was good or not.

”As delicious as always, maybe a hint of salt could be added,” she finally revealed.

”Zhank you,” Schneep bowed and added salt.

They stood there for a while, holding hands and just passing time until Alli suddenly remembered something and went on her way.

Schneep raised a brow at that but didn’t say anything. She had been busy with the kids lately, as Harlyn kept complaining about Cade annoying her. Usual pre-teenager stuff, but Henrik loved them both and was glad they had overcome their scary experiences very well and were able to live a normal life. The alarm rang for a second time, and the doctor pulled the potato wedges out of the oven.

Alli walked back to the kitchen, hiding something behind her back. ”Henry, I’ve got something for you.”

”Me?” Henrik looked puzzled as he walked closer to Alli, leaning on the kitchen counter.

”Yes you, doof”, Alli nodded, looking at the ground. ”Close your eyes.”

Henrik did as he was told, feeling something chilly being placed around his neck.

”Can I look, nett hummel”, Henrik asked.

”You may look”, Alli answered, on her tiptoes, waiting for a reaction.

Schneep opened his eyes, seeing a silver and light blue heart-shaped necklace on him. ”Liebling, das ist.. I mean it is lovely.” He pulled Alli to a bear hug and a sweet kiss.

“Aww, it’s just a small thing I did the other day”, Alli muttered after the kiss. “It’s supposed to keep you from getting sunburned again, Lilith helped me to include the right ice spell into it. I hope it works.”

“There’z magic too?” Schneep looked at his wife with a lovey expression. “Now I don’t ’ave to stay out from our beach trips anymore. Mein Held, what would I do without you?”

Alli shrugged, smiling. ”Be sleep-deprived?”

She giggled at his reaction, making both of them laugh.

”I mean, true”, Henrik admitted. Alli had the ability to calm him down, and when that wasn’t enough she literally sang to him and the siren voice made him pass out.

”Ich liebe dich über alles.”

”Ich liebe dich auch”, Alli smiled. ”Also it’s our two-year anniversary, so the gift was for that.”

”No!” Schneep slapped his forehead. ”I’m such a dummkopf, I forgot it!”

”It’s okay”, Alli reassured, wrapping her arms around him as comfort. ”It was nice surprising you.”

”I’m so sorry, I promise to get you something back soon”, Henrik took Alli’s face to his hands and gave her a quick kiss. ”But now the food’s ready, want to spread the word?”

”Of course”, Alli winked and went on her way, knocking on doors and announcing the late lunch. Schneep looked after her with a fond smile, making sure to remember to bake a cake for tonight.

[tanz-der-vampire-musical]

Personal review - Tanz der Vampire 18/01/2019 in Berlin

TdV is a musical I could watch over and over again. It never gets old and it never gets boring.

There is not much to say about the story that you all very well know, I just realized once more that my personal highlights in each show differ and that's because of the actors that play them. Das Gebet was definetly one highlight and also a fabulous interpretated Sarah. 

This time I really tried to watch the backround instead of where the spotlight leads your eyes too. The backround is also interesting, like I never saw that in the Ballsaal scene some vampires were dragged back lying on the floor. Also always funny to see the backround action between Chagal and Magda or Rebecca and Chagal.

Speaking of the actors, it was a splendid cast, most of the first cast. This is the cast list, but as you can see they handed the wrong castlist out but luckily the main cast was roughly the same, I just don't know about each one in the ensemble. Changes to this list are Magda was Janis Van Dorsselaer and Rebecca was Marja Hennicke (I think, please correct me if I am wrong).

Jan Kriz as Krolock is phenomenal. I cannot compare him to any other Krolock I have seen and I have seen 8 different Krolock (and have heard two other Krolocks live the weeks before). He is the old elegant and arrogant Krolock on the one hand, but sometimes breaks out of this role and shows the animal that he is. Like when in the scene Vor dem Schloss talking to Alfred and Prof. Abronsius he looks up to the moon and his expression looking away from Alfred and the professor chnaged into something animal like. Very impressive. It is like he shows that Krolock is no way near that well mannered vampire, he is just as driven by vampire instincts as every other vampire. He also shows some cruelty and calculation in his interpretation of Krolock, in no other interpretation it was as visible as here. I really admire that he portrays nuances in this character not like some other interpretation where Krolock is either simply mad or always a gentleman.

I was mesmerized by his acting but I wouldn't forget his beautiful singing voice. I wouldn't say he has my favorit Krolock voice, but I liked the way he sung. Also his accent didn't disrupt the understanding of the lyrics, which I think is very important for a show like TdV. I even thought his accent added some authenticity that the musical is settled in Transylvania.

Speaking of adding authenticity to a character. Jerzy Jesze always swears in Polish when he is not meant to be understood and that is an extra that adds to the characteristics very well. Jerzy is always on point in his character, always full of mischief. The one and only Chagal for me will always be Jerzy Jesze! I was happy when I saw him on the cast list. He portrayed the role for a crazy long amount of time. They even asked him to come back because they couldn't find someone equal and I don't think there is someone equal.

Janis Van Dorsselaer as Magda in this show was kind of staying in the shadow of Jerzy Jesze. One of my biggest problem (and those who watched the show with me agreed) was that you barely understood anything she was saying. I don't have a problem with non-German people in this production but you should at least understand half of it. And if I wouldn't have known the text I wouldn't even know a single phrase. She had a powerful voice and she probably would have been enjoyable but if you don't understand anything the fun is away. Also she was almost screaming the last notes which isn't good either. (I was a bit reminded of Maureen McGilavry as Sarah when I saw TdV in Hamburg, same problem) I cannot even say if she played the role good or not, because how is she supposed to interpretate the lyrics if she does not understand them. This was a big difference to both Jerzy Jesze and Jan Kriz, both also non-German speakers but they understood the lyrics and their pronounciation and even more the emphasis on the words was right. (Ok she is probably someone who isn't used to German, but then why chose someone like her????) The people who accompanied me even said Magda could have been dismissed in this show.

As Rebecca on the other hand was extraordinary. She got the most out of this role that is possible. I never payed much attention to Rebecca in past visits of TdV because the role isn't a dominant role in the show, but here you noticed her in every scene she was in and she sung a very heartbreaking Jetzt bin ich alleine. In this show I was quite sad, that Rebecca's role is such a small part.

Diana Schnierer as Sarah and Raphael Groß as Alfred are a gorgeous couple. You could see that both know their roles very well and that they played together for a long time. Such harmony and charisma from this couple.

Diana is the first Sarah I saw where you would really believe that she is a 17 year old naive girl. She has such a girly clear beautiful voice in singing and talking that matches the character. She is giggling and laughing like a teenager which makes her very authentic. I enjoyed her very much. Diana had a much more noticeable accent than I thought she would have. It wasn't an understanding problem but still sometimes in some pronounciations the accent got in her way. But that is nitpicking at high level.

Raphael now is probably my favorit Alfred. My personal highlight of the show was his Sarah, because I believed each word he sung. He portrayed the love fool with charisma and charme. A charming man.

Herbert is always a highlight and Christian Funk is a great Herbert. I had a hard time watching Herbert because I swear he reminded me so much of one of my co-workers. The face and the way he moved. I just couldn't handle it in my head, so the scene Wenn Liebe in dir ist felt probably funnier than it actually was. In this scene you could sense how the mirror illusion is done. Because the actual Alfred and his mirror-Alfred didn't look like one another. The mirror-Alfred had far more lighter hair and was much shorter. I mean most people who have seen the shows more than once already know that there is no mirror there, but the trick also may not have worked on people in general this time. I just think you should better chose matching counterparts.

Like someone else wrote in her review you only notice a difference when you suddenly have another Koukol. I have seen many Krolocks but only two Koukol. And this Koukol Arvid Johansson felt...a bit strange. He sometimes even walked upright and he wasn't as grumpy as the other Koukols. I am not sure if I should judge it as out of character, it was just something I noticed and that confused me.

We don't have to talk about the music in general. Jim Steinman wrote a fantastic score for the show, even if he reused old material. And I love that melodies are replayed and remodeled.

The sound however in the theatre wasn't the best that night. Maybe it was because we were sitting way at the site or because we were seated near the speakers but the orchestra sound and the sound samples weren't always good matched. At one point the sound advisor even played the sound example way too late. My recommendation is that for the Theater des Westens you should sit in the Parkett. I barely sat on the 1st floor but that was not the best place for the sound. But I think with all the criticism we should not forget that this is a very old theatre where theatres were not designed for having any speakers at all and for all the technology that is in theatres now. I still love the Theater des Westens. The way it looks, the nice hall with the chandeliers. You feel like back in time. You cannot have everything at the same time.

(Now I just wish to see Robert Meyer as Krolock that is the only reason I would go to TdV again, because I really loved him in Love never dies.)