#i mean this in the least parasocial way possible: i love this man so much

[stiffyck]

There's something about scar... idk what it is but whether it's the fanon designs of his character or the irl person he's just so. Handsome. Cute. Everything. He's just the man. The only man ever actually.

He's so cool. I hope he knows it.

[golbrocklovely]

omg ngl this is the best song kat has released yet

and for the record i wholeheartedly believe kat has the right to make this song. i mean for the past 7 years (or 6 idk exactly how long they’ve been together) kat, and sam too, were under the impression that they were going to last forever. i mean up until they had a conversation early in 2023 did sam break the news that he wasn’t feeling the same way as her so me personally, i feel she has every right to feel blindsided

she has the right to feel hurt about the breakup just like sam does. they’re both hurting in different ways.

kats in her taylor swift era lol

this mini rant is only directed at people who i see are mad at kat for expressing herself

i think i will use this as my post to talk about the song and what i think about it so if this is super long, my bad lol

as for what you said in your ask, i wouldn't say this is kat's best song. personally i will always think her best song is 'blue roses' and 'gone'. i fuck with both of those songs heavy lol

i'm gonna break down this into two parts: first, what this song is talking about, what this entails for the fandom, all that stuff. and then second, that'll be how i feel about the song on a technical stand point (like how it sounds, the lyrics, ect).

i want to make it very apparent that kat has EVERY RIGHT to write this song and release it. she was in a relationship with this man for seven years, she has every right to talk about it as much as she wants, especially while it is so fresh and new. i've already seen sam fan accounts on twitter losing their minds about it and all i got to say to that is TOUCH GRASS. quickly. lol

you are not involved in their relationship, as much as the parasocial bond says otherwise. you don't get to dictate who says what. no one's policing you when you shit talk your exes, don't do it for others. and bffr, if sam came out with a video talking about "oh, i didn't love kat's jealousy" or whatever about the relationship, yall wouldn't say he shouldn't do that. you would eat it up. so, be quiet. just bc it paints your fav in a "bad light" doesn't mean it shouldn't exist.

as for the song, she doesn't even say anything all that bad ! she could have been way harsher and meaner, and she wasn't. all she really said is that he changed up on her and she didn't like that. however, i'm gonna say a controversial opinion that could possibly get me hate: how did sam blindside her? for YEARS this man talked about not wanting to marry until he was in his 40s, or late 30s at least. now, there is a ton we don't know and never will (and i'm not asking for them to share anything they don't want to). but based on what i have seen with my own eyes in videos, he has never changed that stance. so…. when she finally asked him about marriage, did she think he was fucking with her all this time about not wanting to get married until he was old? i'm just a bit confused.

if i'm allowed to speculate, what i think happened is that sam promised and planned to eventually get married to her, but again - not until he was way older. and every year, i think kat would hint at wanting to get married and he would just kinda push it off and say "we'll talk about it later". and after years of her asking, sam finally was just like "i don't think it's right for me to keep you here where you can't get what you want". and that's why things might feel blindsided to her. bc while he had plans, he didn't follow thru when time finally came bc he himself wasn't ready and she was. and if that's what happened, i get why she might feel blindsided. but then again, sam was telling you the whole time who he was so… you can't be surprised when he says "no i was being serious".

but again, that's just my assumption. i don't know what happened between them, please don't get upset with me for an opinion that is unfounded. take me with a pinch of salt and nothing more.

now for the technical aspect of the song: her vocals are great. they always are. my one little gripe, or really want, with her is that if she does plan to do these pop/rock songs, you gotta add some grit to your voice. her voice is too clean to be singing songs that are supposed to be heavier. but that's also just a personal preference of mine.

the lyrics i think are telling but a bit clunky at times. it doesn't flow as well as it could. i think one more write thru would have been better.

and i will have to say this until i'm blue in the face but DEAR GOD ABOVE make the vocals louder than the music !!! why is this a reoccuring issue with her songs? i understand it's a producer thing, so it's not really her fault. but i swear at times the background vocals were louder than her main vocals. it's very weird to me that i can separate the music from the vocals, turn the music down just a bit, and make the song better imo.

also, idk if it's my ears or my age or what, but please enunciate. like half of the chorus i have no clue what she said and i'm just assuming lyrics so… idk.

(and before anyone gets on my case, i literally went to college for performing arts and music. i've been around musicians all my life, and have been singing since i was four. i know what i'm talking about to some degree. also i'm allowed to have an opinion you don't agree with. and none of this is directed at the anon, just in general to anyone reading in case someone really feels the need to chew me out.)

[azumasoroshi]

watched the first two episodes of oshi no ko a while back (REALLY FUCKING GOOD, ive been a manga reader for a while but i stopped reading the recent chapters and basically forgot everything except for the major points and god it’s so satisfying to have the adaptation remind me of what i’ve forgotten in the most beautiful way possible)

but this post isnt about onk, it’s about izaya!! izaya orihara!! lets fucking goooooooooo izaya idol au!!!! i cant get this flea out of my BRAIN

i was about to open a new canvas to draw some more shizaya stuff for my animatic that im never gonna finish and i was like huh. maybe i should draw onk fanart. and then i remembered this art of venti genshin impact with ai’s eyes and i remembered thinking man i hope this becomes an artist trend for people to do with their art blorbos! and then i was like OH. guess i could contribute to the trend by drawing izaya with ai’s eyes

and then i started thinking and i was like huh. Ai’s never experienced love from her parents, doesn’t think she knows how to love or how to express it, doesn’t get attached to others easily, is a perpetual liar, became an idol because she hoped she would learn how to love - oh hey doesnt. that. sound like izaya. just a little bit. not exactly, her character goes into more learning how to love/that she can love while izaya’s character is i can love but only impersonally because i’m afraid of getting hurt and his arc would be learning to let his walls down for his own good

SO for izaya idol au, izaya would become an idol because he wants to experience love, or something along the lines of “there’s no greater demonstration of parasocial love and foolish decision making than in the idol industry! ahaha~” and probably “idols are perfect liars and i need to put myself into their shoes so i can become an even better liar and close myself off to any possibility of falling in love that could ever exist”

there’s a lot of reasons he might want to become an idol, really. there’s so much corruption and behind-the-scenes dealing and lies and facades and shit in the entertainment industry that i think izaya would eat for breakfast. he would LOVE witnessing that shit and making his own shady deals and stuff and occasionally ruining lives and watching people rise and fall down the rankings and tear each other down. plus the people who are in it for passion rather than money are fascinating as well. psychology student’s dream really- i mean what this is definitely about izaya and not me projecting

plus he definitely has the looks for it (narita would hard agree given how many times he’s indirectly called izaya attractive through other characters. we love a canonically hot king)

now i need to make everything shizaya because i’m not okay but i have no idea who shizuo would be lmao

like you could make him some up and coming manager (no age difference stuff here sorry lmao) or a fellow idol (doubtful. shizuo can act cute but i dont think he could dance) or an actor like akane/kana or a streamer??? like memcho (my favorite character)

a mangaka/screenplay writer/writer in general could also work but i feel like you’d have less reason to interact with idols that way

idk how japanese idol groups work for men in particular or if there’s even like a market for that :sob: id have to look into that if i actually started making stuff for this au

alternatively izaya crossdresses as a female idol and somehow no one realizes. except for shizuo. that would be hilarious actually. he refuses to do swimsuit modeling or other provocative stuff and his fans are like “oh?? the brazen kanra-chan is unexpectedly shy?? how cute” and he plays into it but inwardly he’s like. god i know exactly how im gonna go out with a bang when i retire. and shizuo watches him playing at being shy on tv knowing that that motherfucker is planning to strip on his last days as an idol

anyway this is just me spitballing ideas but ill definitely write at least a concept/intro fanfic of this at some point so stay tuned lmAo im just about to run out of writing juices on ABAON so i gotta transfer my energy somewhere else and where better than the idol!izaya au

[piastrisun]

eyes on her.

pairings: oscar piastri + fem character, lando norris + best friend character.

summary: oscar has always liked certain a british actress, he later discovers she’s the best friend of his teammate. he’s anything but subtle about it.

faceclaim: deva cassel. ⠀warning: swearing.

notes: named female character, not perfect english. a lot messed up dates in the tweets, i’m too lazy to change them. and it’s a liiiitle bit longer than i expected.

VOGUE MAGAZINE. HAVEN AND HER ACTING BREAK.

HAVEN’S CHATS: LANDO NORRIS.

SAKHIR, BAHRAIN. FEBRUARY 29.

haven just added to her story.

replied to your story:

landonorris people already know that you’re not special

haven you’re the worst ™

carlossainz55 ferrari garage hello???

haven yes sir going now! 🫡

charlesleclerc RED LET’S GOOOOOO FORZA FERRARI

haven please get help

OSCAR’S CHATS: LOGAN SARGEANT.

MIE PREFECTURE, JAPAN. APRIL 07.

liked by alexconsani, oscarpiastri and others

haven papaya weekends & me are like this 🤞🏻🧡

tagged: landonorris, oscarpiastri

view all comments

landonorris mclaren girl 4eva

haven is that a threat

landonorris would you believe me if i say no?

username1 my most parasocial friendship

oscarpiastri papaya suits you :)

haven thank u oscar :)

username2 the smiley faces, i’m sobbing

username3 haven is #her confirmed

username4 THE LAST SLIDE

username5 he looks so cute ♥︎ liked by author

username5 NOT HAVEN LIKING MY COMMENT

username6 y’all know what that means…

username7 they’re just friends who met months ago CHILL

carlosainz55 ok now it’s time you wear red

charlesleclerc i second that

landonorris no keep dreaming

carlossainz55 well, at least we tried

username8 he’s insane 😭😭

MIAMI, USA. MAY 05.

liked by landonorris, username10 and others

haven five years ago i saw you start your greatest dream. i’ve never doubted how talented you are. congrats to my best mate on his maiden win. i’m incredibly proud of you, and i love you to death. P1 BABYYYYYY. 🧡

tagged landonorris

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landonorris love you soooo much, thank you for all the support through the years, and for being here with me today, you’re the BESTTTT!!!! ♥︎ liked by author

landonorris i always dreamed of the day you’d be nicer to me, and now i cant stop cryijndk

haven bitch i’m always nice

landonorris the moment is over i hate you

username2 what if i say this makes more sense than haven and oscar

username3 what🧍🏼‍♀️

username4 they’ve said multiple times they’re like family, WHAT ARE YOU ON

username5 GO OUTSIDE

username6 lando’s first win i used to pray for times like this

oscarpiastri future of mclaren baby

landonorris who are you calling baby 🤨

oscarpiastri you???

carlossainz55 you better

carlossainz55 wait, you better not

username7 they’re so siblings coded

YOUTUBE VIDEO: THE LIE DETECTOR.

MONTREAL, CANADA. JUNE 08.

haven just added to her story.

replied to your story:

bellahadid i hope you’re being so loved 🥹

haven i am!!!!

charlesleclerc i know a wag when i see one

haven cause you change yours every week and a half??

charlesleclerc root in hell

landonorris i can´t keep my mouth shut

haven i´ll break your leg if that happens

landonorris ok miss girl

BARCELONA, SPAIN. JUNE 20.

liked by username1, username2 and others

deuxmoi emmy award winner actress, haven, spotted with mystery man this weekend in barcelona after weeks of rumours about a possible lover.

view all comments

username3 oscar piastri dead at 23

username4 oscar piastri is somewhere sobbing

username5 IM CRYING

username6 friendzoned at its best 😭😭

carlossainz55 is there anything you want to say @/haven?

haven not really

username7 ariana what are you doing here

username8 you’re NOT convincing me that is not oscar

username9 GET EMM

username ok grandma let’s get you to bed

SPIELBERG, AUSTRIA. JUNE 27.

MONTE CARLO, MONACO. JULY 13.

haven added to their story.

replies to your story

logansargeant he just can’t hide his love 😔

haven i hate him

username HELLO?????

username2 no way

liked by charlesleclerc, landonorris and others

haven took a break from my world to discover a new kind of happiness, and i found it in you. thank u, osc. <3

tagged oscarpiastri

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haven before you all ask, lando does approve

username1 TOLD YOU ALL I TOLD YOU AND YOU CALLED ME DELUSIONAL

username2 and you were, goodnight

username3 we all literally thought he was going insane, we’re not any better

username4 i need to talk to someone about this

username5 you won the greenest flag ever

username6 naaah, he won

oscarpiastri real

landonorris thank you osc??? more like “thank you lando for introducing us”

haven mate 🥰🥰 no way, he liked me before he met you

username7 what a flex

landonorris i’m going to be best man at your wedding called it

logansargeant what the fuck no, I CALLED IT FIRST

landonorris then a maid of honour idc

username8 normal people would’ve lost their minds over this but lando’s already planning their wedding, what’s wrong w him

oscarpiastri love you pretty girl :)

haven love you more pretty boy :)

username9 i’ll be dead SOON

username i’ll never get over the smiley faces 😭😭

carlossainz55 ❤️❤️

username1 i just know he went bald

bellahadid 💘🪽

liked by haven, landonorris and others

oscarpiastri two years ago, i saw a star on screen, now i get to call her my girlfriend. feeling incredibly lucky.

view all comments

oscarpiastri this is also my public apology to my girlfriend for being terrible at being subtle

haven apology taken <3 do it again

username “my girlfriend” i actually want to die

haven i’m the luckiest to have enchanted you since that moment ♥︎ liked by author

oscarpiastri i fell for you then and i would’ve fallen at any time.

username1 YOU MAKE ME SICK

username2 they really pulled the cutest hard launch ever

landonorris teammates to brothers trope ❤️

oscarpiastri that is not a thing but i’ll let it slide

landonorris ty, now let me celebrate the best day of my life

haven you’re such an strange human

charlesleclerc welcome to the leclerc family, haven!

haven we literally met first

charlesleclerc but you chose to be a norris

haven proudly !!!!

username3 why am i sobbing over this 😭😭

landonorris me too 😭

username4 LMAOOOOO

username5 HAND PLACEMENT IM KILLING MYSELF

logansargeant obsessed

oscarpiastri indeed

username6 can’t believe you bagged her before i could (i had no chance at all)

username7 third picture, damn, can oscar fight?

username8 take care of her, piastri, cause we’re NOT friends

©⠀piastrisun original work. please don’t translate, claim or repost any of my writing, 24’.

[urlocallsimp]

I do not agree.

People/fans are allowed to feel betrayed, we were HIS FANS AFTERALL AND WE WERE ROOTING FOR HIM TRULY.

Yes nothing is confirmed yet but it is still SHOCKING AF.

This fandom and community that formed here has the right to express how they are personally impacted and feeling about this. You can at least do that in my blog. It is a safe space for you to express however u're feeling. Bc it's just feelings and they won't harm anyone and duuuuuhh we will move on. But I really loved this community and the friends I gained herr that's why I won't disregard their feelings.

Yes the victim is the one truly and seriously impacted here, but us expressing how we feel too doesn't take away from her struggle. People's feelings are valid and u don't get to tell them to shut up and cope how YOU cope. You don't get to decide how people should feel or react. Tumblr exists for fandoms and fandom exists for safe spaces and free expression.

I am one of the people that cried over this bc i loved him more than his identity as an actor or the edits or the hype or Namor. I praised his whole being, his whole humanity I viewed him as an example of healthy and secure masculity (or so I thought) I praised him repeatedly on here, i shared stories on insta abt his masculity hoping he'd be an example to other men, he taught me to not be ashamed of where I come from, made me go learn abt my own culture and to be proud of it and show it off he was more than a ''parasocial relationship''. The news was a stab to all of that. Just bc he's an actor and away from me and doesn't even know me doesn't mean his impact isn't real.

Also wtf is 'overly invested' when you were writing fanfic abt him and we would share pics of his thighs and nudes and typical fandom shit, that's not OVERLY INVESTED behavior? but when it involves smth bad we should shut up!? And not try to learn more abt the truth? And ''he would be one of many'' is sounding like "boys will be boys get over it and as a woman u should just accept it". And I'd like to add that's it's really infuriating to tell people to go to therapy for having normal reactions bc i could equally tell u to go to therapy to learn basic empathy. And validation of others feelings.

I think what u're not understanding is that we're reacting this way bc the news (even not confirmed yet) is a stab to womanhood YET AGAIN bc yet again we trust a man and are proven that women are not safe anyyyyyywhere, anytime. From any man no matter how kind he seems or how much of an activist or FEMINIST he is. (again even tho it's not confirmed yet but the possibility this is true is just utterly SCARY)

Guilty until proven innocent. Believe victims first.

Regarding the whole situation. Please everyone crying and feeling personally betrayed or overly invested, go to therapy and work on parasocial attachment.

I love the man and I believe in innocent until proven guilty but if it turns out to be true I'm not gonna have a breakdown.

As an SA survivor, he would be just one of many. Sigh and move on. Don't act like he personally did anything to you. You are a voyeur in all this, not an active participant.

[piercethelenn]

Track two — At the Bus Stop.

Warnings: Mentions of stalking, Y/N is low-key insane and Heeseung is mean(?), light swearing. || Word count: 1250

ㅤ

The term “guilty pleasures” might sound familiar to you, everybody has at least one after all, even if they seem insignificant enough to be overlooked at first, until the moment when you start to question whether other people will be able to understand your attraction towards them. For Y/N’s case though, denominating it a “guilty addiction” felt more adequate, as it had become vital for her, to the point where her attachment was able to influence her in levels that a normal and healthy “liking” would never. Her days were tinted in a gloomy grayscale until the very moment she was able to satisfy her needs; however, it was not possible to do so every day, and the absence of her daily dose caused a painful feeling of abstinence that exponentially impacted her mood in a negative way.

Well, I might be over-exaggerating the issue, but what I’m trying to say is that Y/N really, really liked Lee Seokmin’s voice.

It all started at the beginning of the semester, when our main character left her parent's house behind and moved to a different city in order to finally attend her desired college to pursue music. She had always hated the feeling of being lost in an unfamiliar place, so the first thing she did after the last box of her belongings had been unpacked, was to explore her new surroundings. Off she was, heading to nowhere in particular on a busy morning; coming from the small, quiet town her family had resided in since forever, she felt both amazed and slightly bothered by the fuss.

At some point, a few blocks away from her place, she stopped on her tracks under the shadow of a particularly big tree to check the map on her phone, in search of places of interest near her current location. She could have missed it, given the loud roaring of the car’s engines and her own focus on the screen of her device, but she heard it loud and clear: a honey-like voice that flooded out of an open window she was standing near to.

As if under a spell, Y/N unconsciously blocked her phone and returned it into her pocket, gazing at the exposed brick walls of the house that stood before her. It felt like love at first-hear, dramatic as it sounded; she had never heard a voice so pretty, enough to dethrone the white noise of her mother’s windchimer as her favorite sound.

Coincidentally, a few days after her first encounter with the anonymous singer, she found out that her new workmate Lee Seokmin, vocal coach of the STV academy, lived in the exact same house. When Y/N started some small talk with him on her first day at work, she admitted being new in the city and living alone, so he, as the gentleman he was, gave her his address and contact number in case she had an emergency someday.

At first it had been difficult for Y/N to connect both voices to the same person, because during lessons, Seokmin’s voice sounded more clear and slightly high-pitched in comparison to the one she heard coming out of the window that day. She was not an expert, since singing was not her area of interest in the music field, but she adjudicated Seokmin’s sleepiness in the early morning as the reason why his voice sounded different.

Of course she liked every facet of Seokmin’s angel-like vocals, but she could not help but have a slight preference in his raspy and deep tone; it just felt so much more intimate, she could almost visualize herself sitting on the kitchen counter, comfortably dressed in her favorite pajamas, admiring the man’s look of I-just-woke-up in all its splendor and natural beauty as he made breakfast for the two.

However, she could only dream of her hormonal teenager fantasies, as if she had helplessly fallen into a parasocial relationship with a famous celebrity, because the sad reality was that Seokmin and Y/N were just co-workers, and he was totally unaware of the fact that she would walk every morning a few blocks more than necessary just to take the bus at a stop located close to his house, even if there was one literally in front of the apartment complex she now resided in with Yeojin, her best friend.

Y/N had committed the huge and seemingly irreversible mistake of telling her friends about her doings, earning a life-long teasing in return. Jay had been the only one who got worried, fearing that the pianist might become some sort of creepy stalker, but she assured him that there were no ill intentions behind her actions, all she did was walk past Seokmin’s house to hear him sing, there was no harm done, right? It is not as if she had tried to take a peek inside his house from the window or anything, she knew better than that.

Of course Jay had not been convinced in the slightest, but Y/N had fallen in too deep and there was no cure for her odd addiction. She could not help but come back for more, as if listening to the man’s voice was the only stimulus capable of making her hypothalamus go brrr and produce considerable amounts of dopamine.

(...)

一What do you want?一 Heeseung asked from inside his room, not bothering to open the door even after his older brother's knocking. He was too busy doing his eyeliner to get up from his desk anyways. 一If this is about your stupid academy, no thanks一 The loud music muffled his voice, but the tone of annoyance was clear enough for Seokmin to catch.

一Are you sure? It’s really fun, actually!一 The eldest of the siblings knew it was not worth trying, since talking to Heeseung was like talking to a wall, or a door in this particular case, but a part of him had hoped this time would be different. 一I just know the kids would love to meet such a talented vocalist like you!一. He now understood completely the way Anna felt in that one Frozen scene, it was not cool at all (pun intended).

The door suddenly swung open in a rather aggressive motion, making Seokmin take a step back and stare at his little brother in expectation. On his part, Heeseung simply narrowed his eyes and frowned at him 一As I told you the last time you asked, and the one before that, I don’t sing anymore一. He slammed the door in the older man’s face and turned up the volume of the speakers in his room; a clear sign to make Seokmin take his leave with a sigh of defeat.

It was not easy to deal with a grown-up college student who acted like a rebellious teenager, but the vocal instructor was blessed with the gift of unlimited patience, so he tried his best not to take his brother’s misconduct to heart. Regardless, he could not help but wonder at what exact point did things take the wrong turn; Why was Heeseung studying music if he rejected every opportunity given to him to expose his talents to the public? Was he not confident enough? And most importantly, what did Seokmin do to be treated so coldly by his own family?

As always, there was no result in pondering about those things, so he resigned, yet again, and walked down the stairs with heavy steps.

ㅤ

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Taglist: @boowoowho @ckline35 @sxndmemes (Send an ask to be added!)

[wlwcarries]

i'm becoming more and more convinced that charlie's dms are real. i’m going to give you guys the evidence there is so far, for you all to make your own conclusions. personally, as much as i hate to say it, i think the dms are real.

i want to preface this by saying that i hoped as much as everyone else that the screenshots were fake. i honestly debated even posting about it at this point because everyone seems to have made their peace that they’re fabricated and moved on, and i don’t want to start or rehash anything. i promise you, i hated making this post as much as you guys are probably going to hate reading this. but i feel like we as a fandom deserve to know and address the truth, and choosing to ignore this will only do more harm than good.

there are two tiktoks showing proof of the messages: here and here

it’s pretty clear imo that charlie sent those messages in that group chat. there’s publicly available information proving a lot of what i’m going to talk about, but i’m not going to expose anyone especially since a lot of the people involved are minors. if you want to talk more about it, feel free to dm me but i’m not going to post anything publicly beyond those tiktoks. 

so yeah. charlie talked about smut in a group chat with at least one confirmed minor as far as we know. in the screenshot you can see that someone explained what smut was to him, and then he continued on talking about the explicit fic. 

i know that a lot of us on here, myself included, love to harp on l*lex shippers, and while the racism involved with the ship should by no means pushed aside that's also not my biggest concern at the moment. a lot of these people are young teenage girls and there’s a clear power imbalance involved. they’re fans, and he’s an adult man who they look up to. yes, they shouldn’t have sent the fic to him in the first place, but charlie’s an adult and should have known better than to encourage this. this is on him. he really can’t see that interacting and talking about sexually explicit material with minors isn’t alright??? is he that scared of his fans turning on him if he doesn’t act like he’s their close personal friend???

he needs to realize that he’s not going to lose his fanbase if he establishes boundaries with them. honestly, there’s more of a chance that he’ll lose them if he doesn’t establish boundaries. other people said this better than me (i’d like to link chloe @willexx’s post here which makes a lot of really important points regarding this as well as discussing madi, and this post by @reggieshairflip which goes really in depth into a lot of great points), but this is really concerning. 

i also went on twitter last night to see what people were saying on there, and i’m beyond words. the majority of the commentary seems to be along the lines of “protect charlie from the smut!!” 

y’all. charlie isn’t the one who needs protecting. regardless of the legal situation, if he wants to read fanfic he’s gonna find ways to read it. he’s a grown man, he’ll be fine. that’s so far removed from the actual point, i don’t know how else to explain it. charlie will be fine. we don’t have to be worried about him. 

maybe people should focus on the fact that he’s talking about smut in a group chat with minors on it? like first off, don't be in a group chat with fans of your show, but especially don't talk about smut with minors, what the fuck. and the fact that he doesn’t even seem to realize the issues with what he’s doing is troubling in and of itself.

charlie has been involved in various other groupchats with fans for a while (this isn’t a new thing by any means), and i will admit that most of those interactions thus far have been innocent and harmless. regardless, the fact that he’s in group chats with fans at all worries me. these people are largely young, teenaged girls who idolize charlie--they’ve practically developed a parasocial relationship with him, and that’s not healthy in the slightest. 

he’s not their “bestie,” he’s a celebrity. he keeps up with the innocent and harmless things, and encourages them, but doesn’t establish boundaries--and that’s what leads to people thinking that doing more is okay because he hasn’t said otherwise. people meeting him at the airport at 2am, fans showing up to owen’s house at midnight and then charlie entertaining them. that’s what this kind of behavior leads to, and i fear that it will inevitably lead to much worse in the future. i’m not trying to take blame away from the people who did these things--fans have to respect boundaries, set or not--but as a public figure charlie has a responsibility to set clear lines.

the point of this post is absolutely not to “cancel” him or anything. that wouldn’t be productive at all, and one of my favorite things about the jatp fandom on tumblr is our ability to have actually constructive conversations about things like this. this is tumblr, and i know i’m��basically speaking to an echo chamber here-- but i feel this is important enough that it has to be said, even if nobody outside of this site will probably see it. 

he needs to be held accountable and made to realize that what he’s doing isn’t okay. i get that this is his first experience being at the center of a large fandom like this, and i understand that he’s probably really excited about all the fans and wants to connect with them as much as possible. but he would do well to take notes from jeremy (and hell, madi, and she’s sixteen and didn’t have any prior acting experience at all), and engage in a healthy, responsible way like they do. i’m not going to speak about owen because i don’t really have much info or knowledge about how he interacts, but this potentially extends to him as well.

this is a really complicated and messy situation, and i get that. feel free to share your thoughts, but please be respectful. sending love to all of you guys rn 💜💜💜

EDIT: TO CLARIFY. i have seen this post making the rounds on twitter. i’m okay with that as long as it’s not a screenshot and the post is directly linked HOWEVER charlie did not straight up send smut to that group chat. they sent him the title, and he looked the fic up and sent the link in the group chat to clarify it was the one they were talking about. he was informed that it was smut, but it wasn’t just him sending the fic unprovoked. everything i said above still applies, he should not have engaged or encouraged the conversation but please don’t spread false information. 

[lorddeathofmurdermountain]

Okay storytime

So in the VTuber industry pretty much every streamer is playing a character as opposed to just streaming as themselves, at least as far as I know and as far as corpo VTubers are concerned. Naturally, this means there are certain character types, like the gremlin war criminal (very chaotic, likes to prank, constant jokes about war crimes, in JP it would be Pekora), the hag (typically jokes about being old and being somewhat horny, the face of this character type is Houshou Marine) and, most importantly for this discussion, the menhera (Japanese for mental health, characterized by somewhat psychotic/schizo behaviour, like FallenShadow's parasocial dependency on her viewers, though that might be less a character and more the fact that she is literally diagnosed with schizophrenia, another great example is Uruha Rushia altho she graduated and it's kind of turning out she's also possibly mentally unstable IRL, it's kind of a coin toss weather they're playing or crazy for real).

So a while back, Hololive, the overall premiere company for corporate VTubing, announces a new wave, that is to say a new group of VTubers who passed auditions. Usually, this let's people get a peek at the models and sometimes the barest hint of the character. Shiori Novella was PRIME menhera material. Deranged look in her eyes, dressing like fucking Cruella, people were hooked immediately. 4chan especially was going wild. They could already see it, deep mommy voice, dominating personality, people were subscribing before she even had her debut stream. So, debut stream starts aaaand....

She's a squeaker. I mean it's not a particularly high pitched voice, pretty normal overall, but nowhere near the dommy goth mommy everyone envisioned. On top of that, she also isn't really much of a gamer which is basically social suicide when it comes to streaming. People start feeling super disappointed, some leave stream immediately, no way this was the menhera they were looking for. Except...

She turned it around almost INSTANTLY. Most of the time she says wild ass shit casually, other times she plays it off as slips of the tongue, rarely peters off suggestively and sometimes even says it outright, and people are LOVING IT. "I heard you wish for me to step on you, was it?" "Let's just say, whatever comes out of you will make a fine specimen." 'You wanna come at me? Let's see if I can beat you up." "I just wanted to know what people tasted like, that was it, that was it!" "You stop being an emo piece of crap, I will not tolerate (dies laughing at her own joke)" (this was about Kaneki Ken, an anime character who's her type... Who's a flesh eating ghoul, literally, and who used to hold back but embraced his fucking zombie ass behaviour when another ghoul tortured him, a la removing fingernails, putting centipedes in his ears, making full use for a ghoul's busted ass regen. Yeah....)

And like no, most of it isn't sexual, just outright nonsensical, crazy, or something people or at least idols aren't really gonna say out loud. Of course most of the time it's still regular good old jokes, but every now and then... Man. She can really say stuff out of whack. But most of the time it's just normal ass jokes. People collect her REALLY wild statements like pokemon or something idk. 4chan's VT board has a Shiori "Novella" with like idk 700 pages so far and lots of chapters, I don't read it but I pass over it every now and then with my eyes when looking for other boards to banter on.

I was reading this shitty horror novella, and one detail that really stuck out to me is that this girl main character (who wore a nightgown throughout) was surprised by her period, and out of shame took off her soiled underwear and hid them. this wasn’t her first period or anything, it just caught her off guard. which, sure, that happens. but she then proceeded to walk around the house underwearless for the rest of the novella. I was reading this like………so is she just freebleeding??? is she leaving a trail everywhere she goes? what’s happening here? is the nightgown white? is she bleeding up the place in her white nightgown while everyone else is too polite to comment on it? she has multiple conversations with other people. are they blind? do they not care? is this normal?

after I finished the book I looked up the author, and it was a cis dude. that was a big ohhhh moment. like he just didn’t know…..that he wrote a novella about a freebleeder. he didn’t know that he was creating this insanity-inducing situation with no explanation. but did his editor not know? did nobody who initially read it know? why didn’t they know? what’s happening?

[riacte]

Happy Birthday to HC7!

Wow man, I can’t believe it’s an actual year... so I’mma go off the tangent for a bit.

I’ve been following HC since May 2019, but I only watched Grian (and eventually Ren) in HC6, so when HC7 started, I was excited to branch out. Unfortunately I couldn’t watch as many episodes as I like but still, I feel like I’ve known a lot more about the hermits and their projects this season!

The beginnings of HC7 always gives me good vibes. It’s just so... humble. Magical. Exciting. The hermits are stripped off their elytras and rockets and gear and shulker boxes and they have to start from the beginning, in the old-school way. And you get to see them do all their crazy grinds and builds from the very start, when they had nothing but determination and motivation.

I was also really proud of how the hermits grew MASSIVELY in the beginnings of HC7, especially Scar and Iskall. I was ecstatic to see more hermits reach 1mil subscribers, because they deserve that and so much more. HC fandom was also growing exponentially, with many fancontent made of wizard Scar and Pesky Bird and Bumbo Baggins and the infamous Doc-Bdubs divide (I mean, they’re the popular creators, but it still makes me super happy and gives out the GoodVibes). I remember staying up till 3am, totally engrossed in HC fanfic.

I know for y’all in the Western world, HC7 starts with quarantine and Covid, but since I’m in Asia, Covid has already been going on for like two months when HC7 began. The hermits provided a lot of comfort for me when I was sad or just bored. Like... the world is changing, but Hermitcraft is still there, as cheesy as it sounds.

I remember the night the HC7 E1 episodes were uploaded, I was vibrating with excitement. I was telling my friends to watch them. I had no idea who to watch first but I remember I clicked Impulse. I stayed up past 12am and I think I watched most of Doc’s episode and wondered why tf did I stick to Grian when there’s so much more out there.

Gradually more episodes came out, including those of my faves Grian, Scar, and Ren. And I was super mega happy to see Grian and Scar be neighbours because that’s all I wanted in S6, actually. A proper collab between those two crazy builders and cat lovers with chest monsters. And I was beyond excited to see that practically everyone I watched at that time (Grian, Mumbo, Scar, Stress, Iskall) lived in the same jungle. (Ren was the exception but he later moved in and I kinda lost it).

Early HC7 Jungle Gang and their builds have a very special place in my heart just because it’s so hopeful and funny and full of possibilities. I loved watching Grian annoy Mumbo, I loved every bit of Scar’s magical village, I loved Iskall bringing a brown panda to Stress’ place as a gift. Bdubs VS Doc was also extremely entertaining, and I still laugh over how cute BeeDoubleO is. And Ren! Ren’s Loser Island was so quaint and charming and cute and I’m so sad he blew it up lol. Something about his starter base just gets me. I even modified my survival starter base after his.

And the streams! The stream weekends! I was never into watching streams but HC7 convinced me. The hermits saw that we liked them, and kept on making them. I don’t remember a lot about the streams, but I do remember popping into Ren’s late at night, and he talked about living alone and the pandemic and how this Minecraft stream united people from all over the world, and he started listing out the countries people wrote down in chat, and I just started crying. It sounds stupid and parasocial, but fuck man, I really love the hermits.

I remember when there was a time Ren uploaded at 12am Saturday for me, so when I had a rough week, I would tuck myself into bed and refresh my feed until I saw Ren’s new weekly episode. (Ren’s my comfort YouTuber.) It was like... a habit of me, like when I felt bad I would be like “at least there’s gonna be a new Rendog episode by the end of this horrible week :D”. And that made me happy.

And then it sort of became a habit... I watched different hermits according to my moods. Whenever I felt more attentive, I watched Grian. Tired and bored? Stress. Wanted to calm down? Xisuma. Wanted to laugh? Bdubs. And when I just wanted some comfort? Ren.

Hermitcraft and its community has given me a lot of joy. I would go longer about how I met friends etc etc but I started being active because of Blue Bats lmao, and that’s a different story.

Just wanna send the hermits and the community some love <33 sorry this got so long lol, I really am very nostalgic haha.

To me, there really is something magical about Hermitcraft, and I don’t fully understand it, but maybe that’s the beauty of it.

[berrymeter]

ahem kpop bias ask. if u want to. onf and onewe… this is my second formal apology 😔💕. onewe is an afterthought i’m really asking for ur top ten jayus things -tt

NDSKJFSKGH it's really not that serious omgg but hehe. i will start with onewe bc i don't need to elaborate too much. i actually don't wanna hand it to him but i'm gonna have to hand it to yonghoon 🙄 ever since i made that post abt how he fits in a venn diagram w jayus & changgu i have come to realise it . truly mental illness. help. but u know what's more mental illness? whatever bullshit i've written under the cut (it's LONG)

i mean for onf ofc we know. we know. BUT i will say all of them are my meow meows & initially i was an emkay boy actually... like at the very beginning. he's a catboy so ofc i was drawn to him but i think the way i approach each onf boy is different & well jayus has to be the closest to what u would call a ' bias ' ... obviously...

that aside... top ten jayus things. hm. well. in no particular order...

- He's So Normal. but he's also not. i say he's normal bc i think he's the most specialest man (parasocial) but i know to some he just looks like a dude... but look... he is the guy. he is capable of being the guy. because he is. the guy. help i actually got attached to capricorn man i don't even know. now ofc if anything were to change my mind on this (ie him turning out to Suck) i will not excuse him he's still a celeb & idk him but for the time being he's my man

- he actually is very nice?? like from what we know of him. as one of the leaders we know the others rely on him & they seem to trust him a lot. he's also shown a lot of care like,, when wyatt lost his mother during byubyu promos i think & kept it to himself to not bring everyone down, but jayus called him asking where he was then brought like... everyone wyatt loved with him to visit him? just thinking about it gets me all misty-eyed. people being considerate just does things to me i'm not immune. it just makes me think the ppl around them are in good hands if they ever need someone to lean on & like augghhgf to be dependable

- honestly a bit obsessed w how relevant his dislike of cucumbers is that it's mentioned in song lyrics. also that's a mood i hate cucumbers so like i get it. every idol who hates cucumbers they just get it... i do find it funny in general how Serious idols who hate cucumbers are about hating cucumbers

- he's fully aware his stage name is peculiar & that's one of my favourite things truly genuinely... "i'm j-us my name is weird" yea the fuck it is!! how did u even come up with that 😭 but look i enjoy calling him jayus so i can't really complain. i don't think i'll ever be on first name terms with him it feels weird to call him seungjun i feel like i'm about to scold him & like . No

- his fashion. is so bad (positive) sometimes. but also he wears light turtlenecks on purpose so like who am i to complain? (i still think his fit for the sukswim dance practice was SO silly though ngl everyone else was #normal and he had his Jacket. he's not normal actually) i feel like i wanna borrow half his wardrobe... i'd cut a chest window into a turtleneck but then not give it back bc it's for Me now i get the chest window fuck off

- this specific pic of him doing the dishes. i've rbed it at least twice u can probably find it on my blog if u look for it but i admit there are a number of jayus pics in my jayus tag... possible u've already seen it though

- okay now onto the more basic things bc i wanted to get the rest out of the way HE'S A FUCKING PERFORMER!!!!! and i'm genuinely upset we don't get to see it that often bc he leaves the floor to the rest of the group & never takes center!! bro!!! post dance covers where ur the only one dancing!! i'm begging u. ur the leader of the performance team but i can never promote u. i have to rb my pinned post endlessly... pls give me more.....

- now this may be bc of conditioning myself. okay. but he's grown to have my favourite vocal tone in onf. i've already described his voice's flavour so i won't repeat it but it's truly like......... i appreciate it a lot i want to hear him sing more. i feel like he's not the type to post song covers which sucks bc he really has a good voice :/ & he's skilled at singing! even the onf members who aren't the vocalists have very good voices & good technique too! i'm sure i'm not the only one who thinks we should hear all of them more. i love more vocal-focused songs bc we get to hear all of them & it's the best thing (also shout out to tion for having my second favourite vocal tone in onf. i guess that's just capricorns for u)

- u would think he's one of those regular kpop dudes who keep their hair colour to like black or brown all the time but NO. he's Different. he's had dark hair quite a few times but we've gotten white hair haven't we? now the blond? we had the black with the red then purple side too... his hair length has never bothered me like i'm not begging him to grow his hair to his ass (although i would like to see it. post enlistment ofc.) he's like not Outwardly So Special but he doesn't seem like the guy who'll stick to what's "normal" if he wants to do smth he'll do it... even if it's little things i def enjoy the um, casual-ness with which he seems to approach most things. i can't know if the hair colours were all his ideas obviously (i doubt tion decided to Go Yellow) but like, see when hwanung went hot pink & mentioned that he had a hard time getting used to it? u never really get that impression from onf in general they all seem to be fine w anything. they're just here to have fun & make bangers

- *heavy sigh* he's so incredibly handsome to me i don't even know what to say......... this is the part where i am, in fact, gay. i really do think he's handsome like idk how to explain it he's so very charming <3 even in his ugly selfies bc obviously they're my favourites. i'm generally not the biggest on fansites for obvious reasons but some of them offer pics w his brows untouched & like. yes. ❤ tbh i'm sad about enlistment but also seeing him with brows again is probably gonna make me very happy so... i'll take it. (but also idk why it's said they're gonna enlist for two years when enlistment minimum is one & a half year now? idk) oh man i just realised since he's hashtag physically capable he's probably gonna get at least a little bigger there's no way he's gonna be sent to an office for two years. i entrust my laying to rest to u & the mutuals bc i know my family won't do right by me ok? more seriously. i'm always afraid of sounding Weird if i talk abt ppl's facial features (despite being, yknow, an artist, so that's a thing i Have to focus on & study to get better 😭 & everyone else does it but apparently when it's me it's illegal in my mind) but his cheeks *face in hands* he also has such a cute smile. his smile when he's flustered is also um, well it is 😔💕. um. yea. that's about it

[licheninsect]

The political amplifier

If you really believe in democracy, you can’t hack democracy. But if you don’t believe in democracy—how can you hack democracy? Easily—and legally.

You just have to build a political amplifier. An electrical amplifier adds gain to an input signal, emitting the same output signal with a higher energy. For a political amplifier, the input signal is collective will and the output signal is collective impact. It’s very cool and very legal.

In English: a political amplifier just means making your voters as powerful as possible. There are plenty of perfectly legal, but weird and counterintuitive, ways to do this. We are hacking the rules—not hacking the voting machines. Are you up for it? Of course, we would never even dream of doing anything illegal.

Of course, the whole spiritual principle of democracy is that everyone deserves power. Moreover, everyone deserves the same amount of power. While no one actually believes this fake idea, your enemies always want you to believe it as much as possible. They, of course, believe they deserve all the power. And they like, kind of seem to—have it. Legally, of course.

You don’t know enough French to express what you think of these people. Perhaps, as Xenophon said of the Helots’ attitude toward their Spartan lords, you’d eat them raw. At this point? You’d eat them rotten. Culturally, at least, I am one of them—so I don’t find this a super pleasant situation myself. (I am just doing, like, the Coriolanus thing.)

But whenever you start thinking about how to make this happen, preferably without any cannibalism at all, you fall down a bullshit mine from which you never emerge—because you believe in democracy. In fact, as hardcore a MAGA man as you may be, your dream is to restore democracy. It would be easier to restore the Stuarts—literally. Not that that would be easy (or ideal)—but it wouldn’t be fundamentally impossible.

Because you take democracy seriously, you think about it in ineffective ways. You generally think only about principles (more highbrow) or personalities (more lowbrow). If you are really a total bowtie sperg, you might even think about policies. Your enemies pretend to be thinking the same way—but in fact are only thinking about power.

Which is easily seen by how fast they turn on a dime—hardcore anarchists on Friday, by Tuesday they can be two-thirds of the way to full Pinochet—a sort of ethical Tesla, in “ludicrous mode.” It’s almost too impressive.

There’s a new thing where they pretend to be Christians, which is just embarrassing. And if they believed in anything at all, which they obviously don’t, the last thing they would believe in would be actual democracy—which they call “politics.”

Their view—which they barely bother to hide—is that politicians should have no real power at all, like the Queen of England. Hearing them screech the sanctity of sacred democracy is like listening to a crocodile lecture interminably on the virtues of salad. Everything is special pleading. You don’t know why he wants you to go into the garden—but you can guess.

But you are not pretending—which is why you always lose. You thought you were going to get tired of winning. Might you by any chance be starting to get tired of losing?

In that case, maybe you should consider hacking democracy, instead of believing in it. That seems to work pretty well for them. Come with me if you want to live.

Principles of political amplification

To embark upon the path of the political amplifier, you need to not only want as much power as possible—you must believe it is your duty to capture and hold all the power. That seems to work pretty well for them. Why would you try to throttle the gain on your own amplifier? What do you think politics is? What?

Of course, a political amplifier is completely legal under the Geneva conventions. It’s just a social network—just an app, really. You could certainly use it to help break the law. The same is true of a telephone. (Not breaking election laws, in specific, will take the assistance of lawyers who bill at four figures an hour. Suck it up and pay them.)

Your input signal is the collective will of some set of people. Without an amplifier, this signal will be too weak to have any impact at all—like connecting your VCR directly to the speakers.

If you connect 75 million VCRs (hello, fellow boomers!) to one speaker, you probably will hear something. Is it loud enough? Was it loud enough? Did it even sound good? If the answers to all these questions are no—you might want to try using an amplifier.

A supple example

For example, a “lobby” in our present system of government is a kind of amplifier. Without a ferret lobby, the collective will of ferret owners has no meaning. No one cares about you, ferret owners! Your little smelly weasel things are just gross: half rat, half snake, and all vermin... should any speak this way, the National Ferret Council will not rest until it has shut their lying mouths. I mean—corrected them in a press release.

Your output signal is the collective impact of a group of people. What can they make happen, by working together to make it happen?

For example, many states remain wildly prejudiced against ferrets. Their anti-ferret laws seem to have been written by legislators who were at best pardonably ignorant— or in the outright pay of the corrupt anti-ferret lobby. Politics is a dog-eat-dog world, kid—and that goes for ferrets too. You got to pay to play the game, capische?

So by exercising the collective will to perform the coordinated individual action of sending a check to the National Ferret Council, the set of ferret owners buys fair, or fairer, legislation for the friends of ferrets and the ferrets they love. The system works! No individual ferret owner could take any useful action at all; nor could the collective of all ferret owners take any useful action, without the amplifier.

Measuring political input

The universal formula for collective energy is one you might have seen before:

E=mc^2

Political energy is mass (quantity of human capacity) times commitment (what these humans are willing to do) times cohesion (how well-organized they are).

Mass is simple: headcount scaled by ability. Obviously, no two human beings are equal. And some humans are much more useful for certain tasks than others. (I’m very sorry if this comes as a surprise to you.) However, for the purpose of generating power—more is better, of course.

Commitment is how much your humans are willing to put into the cause. 0 is nothing. 1 is voting, once every few years. 2 is a write-in vote or a campaign contribution. 10 is a suicide bomber.

Cohesion is the capacity of a group of humans for intelligent coordinated action. 0 is every man for himself. 1 is a slogan or a party label. 2 is a party line or publication. 10 is a fanatical robotic cult.

Your democratic bias always makes you want to think that E=m—and an m not scaled to ability. This isn’t necessarily wrong, or right. For example, ISIS showed significant success with very low mass, but very high cohesion and commitment.

In general, any modern population has extremely low ratings on both commitment and cohesion, especially commitment. We live in an age of low-engagement casual politics. Many political approaches that fail regularly, but are regularly tried since they worked in the past, assume levels of commitment and cohesion that existed only in the past.

By the standards of his great-grandparents, the modern American citizen is utterly disconnected from politics and would never consider following any kind of real leader. Small wonder his real political power—as measured by the real personal power of the politicians he elects—was also euchred out of his hip-pocket as he dozed like a hippo.

On the other hand: there are, like, 75 million of him. The problem can’t be unsolvable. We just have to think it through clearly from first principles.

Measuring political output

We see four targets of collective political action: in order of effectiveness, personality, principle, policy, and position.

The target of personality is for the most part the level of politics today. The personality voter picks a politician with whom he feels a parasocial bond. Through the imaginary telepathy of this bond, a victory that makes the politician important—or purportedly important—makes the voter feel important.

The stake of most personality elections is this claim on meaning. The political formula of the personality election is that the state will take on the personality of the politician—the “Trump administration”—which means that the voter, through the parasocial bond, has become in a weird “Being John Malkovich” sense the President himself. This kind of politics is only slightly more real than “supporting” a football team.

The next target up is the goal of principle—or, pejoratively, ideology. The formula of the principle election is that the politician represents an ideology. Every politician being a philosopher, or at least having a deeply felt philosophy, he parades this principle before the voters. If they share the same conviction, they can rule by electing him. In office, he will make the shared principle the ideology of the state.

As with the personality election, it would be going too far to say that a principle election never works. But it is no longer the 18th century; John Adams is no longer in the building; and few of our politicians believe or even think anything. Where they do, “the best lack all conviction / while the worst are full of passionate energy.”

With the target of policy—stuff the government actually does—we enter the level of effective political action. Trump is a personality; nationalism is a principle; building the wall is a policy. Getting the policy you want is a success by definition.

But how much of a success is it? Power has given you a fish. You have not taken any power to fish. Anything that is given can be taken away. In a financial sense, policy wins are the dividend of power; but any serious player has to be after the capital.

The premier target of collective action is position (as in field position). A victory in position is any victory that makes further victories easier. Position is the true capital of power. The highest form of position, stem position, wins further victories in position itself. Below it is leaf position, which generates only policy victories.

There are two kinds of victories in position: zero-sum and positive-sum. In a positive-sum victory, you build power, but no one directly loses power. In a zero-sum victory, you take power away from the enemy. Obviously, a zero-sum victory is better.

Zero-sum victories are particularly desirable because they are measurable. A simple body count measures the number of enemy jobs eliminated. It is not a win to fire an enemy if he will just be replaced with another—politics is anything but mere cruelty.

(And in the end, anyone who loses their job not through their own fault, but through what is essentially an act of war if not an act of God, has to be especially well taken care of. Both in politics and war, your true enemies are structures, not people.)

We often see a mighty mass movement, with a genuinely enormous support base, that not only has never gotten anyone fired, but has no idea how to get anyone fired. Of course, positive-sum victories in position can also create jobs for friends; but unless these jobs were taken from enemies, the power to protect them is not demonstrated.

Reviewing this scale of political action, we see immediately that we cannot expect the contemporary American right to accomplish anything, because at maximum power it barely gets into the policy space.

In position, it is totally powerless. It does not have its own official and/or quasi-official institutions, cannot create any, and cannot even touch the institutions of its enemy. When I was in elementary school, the “Reagan Revolution” produced some headcount reductions in USG. It is not clear that this had any particular impact on history—and it is the last time anything like that happened.

As someone once said: you’re going to need a bigger boat. That can be done. But it will require leaving some of your old illusions ashore.

Designing the amplifier

While everyone wants more mass, the engineering variables we can actually control are commitment and cohesion. Engineering commitment is very hard—it is hard to imagine an Amerikaner ISIS, suicide bombers and all. Can we just—not go there?

Engineering cohesion, however, is an interesting problem that seems worth a look. We are pretty good at cohesion these days—since we have apps. The traditional approach to the problem of producing cohesion in an electoral democracy is the political party. Therefore the intersection which defines our design space is both a party and an app.

The problem with the concept of a political party is that this concept is ritualized into our political system. When we imagine creating a party, we think of the Constitution Party, or the Green Party—but it makes no sense to be a Party in this formal sense.

Here are three historical analogies for the kind of “party” that is a true amplifier. One: the Communist Party USA, in the 1930s. Two: the Muslim Brotherhood, today. Three: the Iron Guard, in Romania, in the 1930s.

The last two are—to be frank—pretty weird and scary, so let’s focus on the first. Of course, everyone cool was a Commie in the “Red Decade,” or at least a fellow traveler. Who was cooler than Dorothy Parker? I’ll wait while you think about it.

Engineering principles of a real party

A so-called “party” in the “Green Party” sense is an evolutionarily castrated version of the real thing—almost a kind of vaccine. Let’s talk about a proper virus.

First: a real political party is exclusive. You cannot just decide that you are a member, any more than you can just decide that you’re a Hell’s Angel. You have to apply. And once you’re in, you have to keep paying your dues—in money, in kind, or both.

Second: a real political party is disciplined. As a member of the party, all your political actions are through the party and for the party. You do not make your own independent political choices; you delegate your political autonomy to the party. Of course, you may contribute to decision-making within the party.

Third: a real political party is anonymous. While the party, if out of power, should not intentionally come into conflict with power, sometimes such conflict is unavoidable. Members should be as safe as possible from daytime consequences of their party life.

Elections and party discipline

As a party member, you vote the straight party line in every election. Period. Why else would you join the party? What else is a party? What? We’re not the Republicans here.

Political participation is fun and meaningful—but only within the party. Internally, there may be an uninhibited discussion—even an internal election, essentially a private primary—over what candidate the party should vote for. But the party has one vote. (Of course, “fellow travelers” are free to follow this vote, without being party members.)

This cohesive unanimity makes the party into a bloc vote—which is the main source of its political gain. A cohesive voting bloc is much more powerful than its individuals.

Consider the position of a bloc with 10% of the vote, in a binary election. Perhaps the bloc cannot pick one of the two candidates. 10% can swing any close election, though—so both candidates are likely to bid strongly for the support of the bloc.

Furthermore, because of its loss of cohesion and commitment over time, our electoral system is full of low-turnout elections. Often, a small but highly disciplined bloc can overwhelm the last civic diehards of the old system in some primary or minor election. (Of course, the bloc registers its voters in whatever official “party” is most useful—it is never its own “third party.”)

If all else fails, the party can least make a little splash with a bloc write-in vote, usually for comedic or other media-stunt purposes. What if “Bronze Age Pervert” racked up even—2% of some election? Would that not be a show of defiance and strength, in the face of the bluehaired longhouse state? Politics is always and everywhere a work of art.

Elected officials and party discipline

Eventually, the party will start winning elections. Party discipline does not end with the election—all actions of the elected official are under party control (assuming the official wants to be reelected on the party slate).

For example, if the party controls seats in a legislature, these seats will vote in a bloc. Anyone who deviates from the bloc even once will be off the ticket at the next election.

Of course, this means that party officials are interchangeable—the individual barely matters, though ideally they are charismatic and competent. The task of vetting these individuals, which formerly rested on the shoulders of the voters, now belongs to the party—which can actually be equipped to do it. When elected officials can hire a staff, the staffers are actually party staffers. There is no independent authority anywhere.

Party direction and governance

The purpose of every action the party takes is to improve the position of the party. Any question of personality, principle or even policy is generally irrelevant.

A real political party is a political amplifier. The purpose of a political amplifier is to gain power. How much power? As much as it can gain. Any party operating on any other principle is defective—its real function is to neutralize its own supporters.

Obviously, the maximum possible objective of a party is unconditional sovereignty. The party, capturing the state, becomes the state. Even if this goal is unrealistic, any party that at least knows what it would do if it beat this final boss has an advantage: since it has no cap on its potential power, its expected outcome is higher. (Also: do you think we don’t have a one-party state now?)

It does not matter how the party governs itself. That said, the principles presented here are essentially Lenin’s idea of democratic centralism. The ideal party governance mechanism is Lenin, but less angry, plus some kind of accountability mechanism—a hard problem we won’t get into today.

Remember, Dorothy Parker was a Leninist—so you can be too.

The 21st-century version

Everything above could be implemented without any IT—aside from a hand-cranked printing press in an attic full of empty wine bottles, cats, drugs, revolutionary posters, and casually discarded lingerie.

But today, of course, a party is literally a social network—which makes it an app. The revolutionary attic has become a gleaming server room—with a little bell that rings every time someone gets their party card. Or rather, their party account—or even their party token.

In the democracy of the future, you have only one decision to make: which party app to install on your phone. Sometimes the app will tell you to go to a polling place and vote. It will show you a sample ballot, which you manually enter into the voting machine. Other than this tedious but necessary process, you don’t have to think about politics.

But the app is not just a voting app. It is a social network. Specifically, it is a powerful form of social network: a high-trust social network.

A dinner party is a group of people you trust enough to let into your house, and even drink there. A political party is not really different from a dinner party. Fundamentally, you trust these people more because you know they agree with you. There are all kinds of productive ways to use this trust.

Today’s political social networks, like Parler and Gab, are crude horseless-carriage versions of this digital party. They are built as mere Twitter clones, which makes no sense at all—while these are networks for outcast shitposters who want to own the libs, you simply can’t own the libs where there are no libs. If you want to shitpost, underwater frogman guerrilla warfare is your only respectable option. In the end, it still may be the shitposters who save the world—but only the respectable ones.

A social network of trusted people who agree with you is much more powerful and valuable than an information superhighway devoted to sharing witty little remarks. What can a real digital party do?

What a real digital party can do

First, the party is your primary information conduit. It furnishes you with a complete narrative of historical present reality.

This is not just a matter of a feed full of shitposts and unverified rumors. Nor is it a feed full of wire reports. Your party dues go to pay journalists—or people who do that same job, anyway. These journalists are the party’s eyes and ears; they see the world through the party’s perspective; they, not you, decide what is true and false.

This journalism apparatus is the party’s brain. Since the party’s journalists are always right, you as a party member are always right. Party journalism has a pleasant tone because it is not meant to attack the normie world—it is only for party members, and only so they can observe and understand that world. There is no harm if it leaks out, since it will only impress normies and make them wonder about joining the party.

The party is its own end-to-end media company. When you watch news from normie world, you can only roll your eyes and laugh. Still, it is important to understand what the normies are thinking and why, so the party has a whole division of normie studies—in case you see some CNN in an airport, or something, and want to know what they’re even talking about.

Second, the party is your primary social conduit. It knows where you live and who lives near you. It will organize you into informal local friend groups. It also gives you local as well as central news—it becomes the equivalent of Nextdoor or Citizen. But without people who don’t agree with you telling you what you can’t say. Single and looking for love? Or even just fun? Neighbor, you don’t want to date a normie. That’s just trouble.

The party provides social structure for your whole life. You’ll work out at a party gym; you’ll go on group tours with a party guide; if you get sad, you’ll call a party helpline; if you lose your job and you’re broke, you can talk to someone in the party. Everything you get for being a Mormon, you should get from the party—even if it costs as much.

Third, the party is an important professional asset. If you need a job or an employee, it is always best to talk to your friends in the party. Why would you want to work with a normie? For 40 hours a week? What? I mean, unless there’s absolutely no choice… In Hollywood in the ‘30s, the CPUSA was almost a screenwriter’s guild—to work, you had to be in the party. Nobody sees anything wrong with that now, so it must be cool.

Fourth, besides voting, a digital party can coordinate all kinds of demonstrations and other peaceful, friendly and beautiful democratic action.

A conventional demonstration takes a lot of organizing, but an app can notify you on the dot where to be, when to be there, what to wear and what to bring. It can even extend the concept of a “demonstration” as we know it—currently just a loosely clumped rabble of badly-dressed people, carrying ugly, unpleasant handmade signs.

In fact a true demonstration is always and everywhere an artistic performance. The etymology of the word reveals the nature of the exercise: the purpose is to demonstrate, meaning show, the power of the party. The purpose of every performance is to impress.

While a demonstration of mass is impressive, a demonstration of cohesion is also quite impressive—especially if it is colorful and fun. For example, uniforms are good—not ugly, frightening camo, but what about a Union Army Zouave uniform from 1861? China can make a copy of anything. No one would be scared by a perfect platoon of Zouaves, Napoleonic Hussars, etc, performing classical drill maneuvers impromptu in Golden Gate Park. It would certainly be both colorful and fun.

An app is pretty good for crowd cohesion. It can tell everyone exactly where to be at any time, and track where they actually are. It can have a control panel for a party leader that lets the leader call up a well-trained crowd of any size, then drag them around on the map like a game of “Snake.” A controlled crowd is much more useful. For instance, if Trump had had such a crowd-control app, he could have easily directed his supporters away from swarming the Capitol—and he wouldn’t have the troubles he has now, as my Jewish grandpa used to say.

But is this realistic?

Hell, I don’t know. All I know is: it’s not impossible. It also won’t implement itself. Also, everything that is obviously possible is subtly impossible, making it a trap.

I’m not even a prole myself. I’m doing perfectly fine in perhaps the most evil economy in human history, perhaps excepting late Rome. No one has even persecuted me, very much, yet. All I know is: the proles are not doing fine. They are getting stomped. And their only way to stop getting stomped is to get as much power as they can. Which means designing, constructing and inhabiting the most powerful political amplifier.

When we internalize this model and look back at lower-class politics as it is today—culminating in the disastrous, yet hilarious, dead-end of MAGA sacking the Capitol— we can say that, where the political amplifier is a system of collective action, the old way of politics—taking democracy seriously—is more a system of collective acting out.

The fundamental purpose of acting out is internal, not external. The performance is not optimized to change the outer world, but to satisfy the inner world. In particular, effective external action involves a lot of following, whereas satisfying internal action involves only leading. So everyone becomes their own leader, and is largely useless.

Can proles be taught to change these habits? I don’t know. It certainly won’t be easy. I don’t see anything else they can do, tough.