#i mean they were tough to deal with especially at first probably i cant blame the guy

[shkika]

ey saint, what do you think of the cornworms voidworms?

he doesn't like them very much 👍

[wkemeup]

my mom's a therapist, and as a result I've grown up with stories of clients that got mad at her for being human; needing to reschedule appointments because she was sick, telling clients that they weren't a good fit and referring them to some other clinicians she knew, etc. it was a client, after all, that gave her covid back in December which consequently infected our whole family. throughout it all, though, my mother has stayed so kind and selfless in the face of most battles, and I'll never stop admiring her for that.

I think being a therapist is one of the bravest careers someone can choose, because I know that, at least for me, listening to other people talk about their ups and downs will just send me spiraling about my own. I took three years of psychology classes, and I loved the courses, but I don't think I'd ever be able to get myself into a psychology practice. I'm so amazed and in awe of you and everyone else that is pursuing that field. my heart is with you

(I want to first make it clear that I am in no way referencing the previous anon who talked about their therapist being out for a month and getting injured. I absolutely understand how difficult it is on clients when the therapist has to cancel or is out of the office - especially when you're going through something and really need them. This is a whole separate thing here, so if that anon sees this please know you're absolutely ok!!)

I completely identify with your mom on that. I have had multiple clients get very upset with me for days I've had to call out sick and their appts were rescheduled, or even when I go on vacation for a week and aren't able to see them at our usual interval. Trust me that I understand the magnitude of mental health and what this job requires, but I think it can be so easy for people to forget that I'm human, too. I get sick. I need time off. I have a whole world of my own shit I'm dealing with too.

and I know that the whole point of therapy is that the patient shouldn't carry the burden of knowing my own shit, but (speaking from my own experience with my clients) I wish sometimes there could be an understanding that I am not immune to the world either and my existence doesn't cater 100% to you. I cant tell if I'm sounding too harsh, and honestly this is about to turn into my personal vent about this and struggling with my job because I really need it right now, so feel free to tune me out and disregard.

I obviously want to help people. Im in this job for a reason. But sometimes it makes me wonder if I'm cut out for it at all because my own mental health has really suffered in the last year and even before that in episodes before I was officially a therapist. I have clients who will say stuff like "you could never understand how this actually feels" but like, I've been depressed. I struggle with anxiety. I have had significant issues with food and my weight. But I am often treated like I am a machine at disposal - required to be available 100% of the time to each individual client, despite the fact I have 70 people on my caseload.

There is never going to be a moment where I snap my fingers and make things better for my clients. Your mental health is still your own responsibility. My job is to help you navigate it, learn how to manage it, and make it smaller and smaller until it doesn't carry the same weight it used to. But I can't fix you. You have to actually do the work and it is so much work but so many of my patients can't see that so they expect me to have all the answers and make them better and I can't. That's the secret with therapy. You fix yourself. You help yourself. Im just there to guide you and help process shit along the way.

but anyway.

sorry idk how I got here but I've obvs been feeling very dehumanized at my job lately. You wouldn't believe the amount of times I sit there and nod casually as a client rants at me about how I'm bad at my job and they're not getting better nevermind the fact that they aren't actually willing to do the skills I'm trying to teach them. So many of them rely too much on medication or just blame me instead.

I'm so burnt out and I'm only 3 years into this job officially and I wonder a lot if my own mental health is going to be what takes this job from me one day. Idk. hell maybe it makes me a bad person for even complaining about this.

I should also say that I have tons of great clients who are very understanding and ask kindly about how my time off was and work really hard in therapy and are doing so well. The tough stuff just obviously weighs a little more.

It's scary to have someone put so much onto you, you know? So many of my clients treat me like I am the only thing keeping them together and honestly for a lot of them, I'm sure they really do mean that. It can just be heavy on me. Sinking, really.

Im not expecting anyone to still be reading by now because somehow this turned into a public diary post lol but if you are, thank you for listening. This is your reminder that therapists have big feelings too and struggle and should probably also see a therapist themselves lol.

anyway.

[argumentl]

The Freedom of Expression Ep 21 - Gone with the Wind's relation to BLM.

K: Ok, this is Dir en grey's Kaoru, starting this episode of The Freedom of Expression. Joe san, Tasai san. Welcome. Well, um..you know, Dir en grey...we've cancelled our Pia Arena concerts.

J: Ahh, thats right.

K: Its a bit...

T: Its a shame.

K: Well..it is a shame..it was kind of a build up of different things. We did search for ways which we could make it happen. We went to the venue in person, and tried to come up with ideas about how it could work, incuding our staff in the discussion, but...in the end it was quite difficult.

J: Ahh, really?

K: I had thought if we started to be a bit active things might begin to change. I really wanted to get moving, but...well..there would be people who wouldn't be able to go...

J: Well, yes.

K: So when we thought about whether we should do it...hmm..yeh.

J: Well, we want to let everyone know that you went as far as going to the venue to try to figure out what to do, and it does not mean that the band will disappear..

K: Yes

J: And in this sense, its a matter of waiting for the right time.

K: Yeah.

J: Right?

K: When will that be though, right?

J: Ah, well, the number of infections in Tokyo is in a state of increase at the moment, in particular, the night time entertainment sector is being blamed, so it seems as if live houses, or so called places of entertainment may be facing tough times for a little while yet.

K: Well, the numbers...if you decreased the number of customers..there are some places starting to operate again in that way, right?

J: There are, yes.

K: But packed standing areas are probably still a bit far off.

J: Yeah. When I think of a Dir en grey live show...I think of Shinkiba etc, I mean, thats what comes up in my mind. One way to see that type of place is like the three C's woven together (Cramped and poorly ventilated, crowded with people, close contact setting).

K: Yeh.

J: So it is really painful not being able to do that. But while it may take a while until we can, in the meantime we can find different ways or hybrid ways of doing it.

K: Yeah, we have to keep looking in a foward direction. Well...but on the days that we ought to have been performing, the 24th and 25th of  this month, we are planning to stream the intended setlist live on Youtube, so if people can, I'd love them to watch that.

Kami: Um....um...

J: Ah, Kami is here.

Kami: Have you considered playing live wearing face guards or something?

K, J: Face guards?

K: No, we didn't consider that, hahaha

J, T, K: Hahaha

J: This wouldn't fit with Dir en grey.

K: No, we actually talked about it, jokingly. Like how about it?

*laughing*

J: No, if you actually did, it would be like you were making fun of it or something like that. Hahaha.

Kami: Have you thought about ventilating the venue during the show or something?

K: Hmm, yeh, we'd have to make an interval in the middle and doing something like that.

T: I see

J: Well, its difficult isn't it? You'd have to deal with a lot of things. But just like you want to do it, people want to see it too, we are all the same.

Kami: Watching a Dir en grey show with interval breaks would be quite hard, right?

K: Hm, yeah it would probably break the tension.

T: Yeah.

K: Kinda.

Kami: What do you think about doing that?

K: Doing that...well..

Kami: Raising the tension, they saying  Ok, ventilation time!

K: We'd have to make it kinda like smoothly seperated waves.

J: Like leading into something when there is a break?

K: Leading into something. For example, like something sanwiched between the different sections, like showing a piece of film or something.

J: Ahh, its difficult! The people making the rules, have probably never been to live cocerts, because they don't imagine this type of thing at all. We'll have to think about all these small details at the time of performing from now on.

K: Ok, well, today...Joe san, can you please go ahead.

J: Ok, I'd like to go ahead with today's news. This is the news of how Gone with the Wind relates to the Black Lives Matter movement.

With the ongoing anti-racism Black Lives Matter movement, the expanding movement fighting for the lives of black people to be valued, the American streaming service HBO Max who halted the broadcasting of the Hollywood movie Gone with the Wind, have decided to start streaming the movie again, this time with a disclaimer attached....I'm sure you all know it...a movie which is set during the era of the American civil war, in which the system of slavery existed. This was announced by the American entertainment site TMZ. The same service had stopped streaming the movie earlier this month, after Oscar winning screen writer, John Ridley had pointed out that it includes affirmative portrayals of the system of slavery. Ridley won an Oscar for his work on the movie 12 Years A Slave, which depicts the experiences of slaves who were brought to America during the 19th century. According to TMZ, Jaqueline Stewart, a professor know for her research into the history of black people in cinema, has prepared a video containg some historical background to accompany the movie, in which she asks why we need to appreciate this 1939 movie in its original form, and says how it is  important to discuss our interpretations of it. Furthermore, a video of a panel discussion about this movie which took place in April last year will also be shown at the same time. Gone with the Wind is a movie based on the story by Margret Mitchell, featuring top star of the time, Clark Gable, and English actress, Vivian Leigh.

Soo, Gone with the Wind...the news that streaming was stopped once, but has been restarted with a disclaimer attached. What do you think about this, Kaoru?

K: This type of stuff has been said for a long time, right?

J: Yes.

K: And there are a lot of movies like this aren't there?

J: There are. When looking back now, some parts seem problematic. Well, even so, its a difficult issue, but I don't really think there was any need to halt streaming it in the first place. When watching a movie with such a background as this, people will have various feelings about it, so I don't really...but of course including these extras..the American Black Lives Matter movement has grown huge in a way no one imagined, so in order to prevent adding fuel to the fire, these extra videos are being screened too. But, in the first place, I think its important for people to watch works like this, and think about it for themselves. If you are always telling people how it should be, the nuance or message contained in these movies might be lost. Its quite difficult.

T: Well, if it is lost, we'll end up forgetting how that generation used to see the world.

J: Yeah

K: But we won't lose it, right? Just from this..???1* So, well..it was a problem which couldn't be stopped at that time, it was a growing problem. You can sense that meaning, but its like, how you put it across.

J: Yeh, thats right. Well, this isn't about this movie, but for example, as for books, the publication of Hitler's Mein Kampf was halted for 70 years after the war in Germany. There was the idea that it would be bad to let people read Hilter's autobiography, after what he did. But a few years ago it started to be permitted to be published again, based on the idea that banning it also isn't a good idea. And people do actually want to read it, it is selling. So what do you do? Its a very difficult issue. If the works are by people who have done very bad things, like, a if they are written by a very bad person, should we ban it....Like some of Dir en grey's videos are also quite...when you majored, weren't some of them withdrawn or denied release?

K: With that ????2*

J: Ahh, I see. Some bits were ok, and some weren't? Well, with corona changing the world now, this problem will...

K: Well, this type of thing has an influence on a lot of stuff.

J: It does, yes.

K: Like Japanese anime.

T: Also, people are questioning this idea of 'whitening' beauty products.

J, K: Ahh, yeah.

T: That type of thing has come out recently. But even if you say 'whitening' in the context of beauty, what does it mean? Does it mean, white people are beautiful, or does it mean your skin is ???*3 That has become a talking point.

K: Now that you mention it, you are not allowed to tell someone they're short are you?

J: Right.

K: The same for if they are tall, right.

J: Yeah, if you worry too much, you'll end up trying to censor words. Especially with younger people, like sometimes  you have to express things in abbreviated forms, and if they jump on this and say, 'you can't say that!', then the amount of expressions we have will shrink. Well, it is difficult.

K: Well, I mean there are lots of ???*4 with that type of person.

J: Well, its difficult  to know where to draw the line with this type of thing. But with regards to Black Lives Matter, it doesn't appear to have a lot to do with this country, but Black Lives Matter has been closed in on the event where a policeman kneeled on the neck of a black man and killed him. However, if you look at the broader scene, one of the policemen standing by and watching is thought to be a man of Asian descent. And the store that reported the black man who died was run by middle eastern descended people, so its certainly not an issue unrelated to Asia. Its often said that its an issue of only whites against blacks, but actually there are clearly people of Asian descent involved in this situation. On a global scale, there are a lot of issues which you cant simply separate into white against black. So i think we should get our imaginations working a bit more, and think about all the parties involved. It might be a bit hard to imagine living in this country, but we need to realise these are not just other peoples' affairs.

T: Its really imoprtant to try to imagine yourself in someone else's situation, isn't it?

J: I think it is really important. ...Kami?

Kami: Yes yes yes. Were you talking about Gone with the Wind?

J: Ah, you want to return to the topic of Gone with the Wind?

Kami: No, I just thought this was about Gone with the Wind. I have no interest in the movie Gone with the Wind, just the title puts me off. I wasn't really listening this time.

K: He hates this type of movie, right?

J: Yes, he hates it, haha. You don't like this type of thing much?

K: What type of movies do you like?

Kami: Anything, even banned movies.

T: Kami sometimes...

J: He's like Chabudai gaeshi!

T: He appears at times like this.

K: Well, Kami probably likes action movies or that type of thing.

J: Oh you like that type of thing? You don't care  if streaming of Gone with the Wind is stopped?

Kami: Yeh, if a big fuss is made when its stopped, then people will wonder what its all about and try to watch it won't they?

T: Ahh, I see.

J: Ah, on the other hand, yeh.

Kami: I won't watch it though.

K: He's really pressing that point. He won't let us forget.

J: Ahh, so thats that. It doesn't meet Kami's expectations.

K: Okay, well, lets end here. Please subscribe. Thank you very much.

J, T: Thank you.

*1, 2, 3, 4 Couldn't figure out these bits.

[dearericbittle]

Sterek masterpost

So, now that I’ve written 30 (!) Sterek fics, I figured it was about time that I made a masterpost of my stories. You can find the full list on my Tumblr as well!

Been here before and it just feels right (strangers tonight) - (T, 3.4k) Summary: Derek Hale was an awkward teenager, but he grew into himself. He grew out of that pulling pigtails phase. Shame that being reunited with his old crush brings it all back. Even worse: Stiles doesn’t even seem to recognize him. Or does he?

Better that I break the window (than miss what I should see) - (M, 9k) Summary: Someone opened Stiles’ window. But he’s all the way on the 7th floor - how the fuck did that happen? Spoiler alert: werewolves are real. And really hot.

Bring on the monsters (bring on the real world) - (E, 11.1k) Summary: He was supposed to be making an impression on Lydia, but instead he’s making fun of a terrible werewolf costume. To be fair, those mutton chops remind him of Michael J. Fox in the worst way, and the guy didn’t appear to be too offended. He was too busy smelling Stiles for some reason. He really shouldn’t have forgotten cologne.

but that’s just a first impression (I could be totally wrong) - (T, 2.9k) Summary: Derek is on a really awful blind date (Laura will pay for this). But the waiter is really cute.

The coolest wolf in the whole wide world - (T, 8.3k) Summary: Stiles is surprisingly good at being a wolf. Like, super good at control, loves the drama of making weird entrances, and determined to try all the things. Because he has to find out what’s different about being a wolf. And Derek is going to be his Yoda, whether he wants to or not. Only Stiles is pretty sure Yoda never smelled this good.

Detective Stiles Stilinski and the Case of Derek Hale’s Mysterious Mate - (T, 5.6k) Summary: Mates are a thing. A werewolf thing. Which is fine and shit, but finding out that Derek fucking Hale has a mate? That gets to him. And seeing as Derek won’t tell him who it is, well… Guess that means this is a job for Detective Stiles Stilinski - if he’s not too distracted by his traditional banter with Derek.

Everything mixed up (and baked in a beautiful pie) - (T, 6/6, 42k) Summary: Stiles’ friends are more of a pain in the ass than usual around the holiday season. Just because he spends all of his time at his bakery, doesn’t mean he’s unhappy. So hiring a fake boyfriend seems like the perfect, simple solution. Instead Stiles stumbles onto a stupid quest to make Derek Hale happy. But surely that will all work out in time.

Fit hot guys have problems too (don’t objectify us with your male and female gaze) - (T, 1.7k) Summary: To Cora, 1:24 AM: im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect?? Derek is tired of being objectified. Enter Stiles Stilinski, hot mess who has an opinion about everything. Derek is surprisingly intrigued.

Gymnophoria - (T, 0.9k) Summary: Stiles is paranoid - he keeps feeling someone’s eyes on him. Surprisingly, no nefarious plans happen.

He got lost in my DMs (wanna be way more than friends) - (T, 2.8k) Summary: Derek is somewhat of an online hero, providing candid pictures of himself to anyone who wants persistent suitors to just go away already. Stiles… is suddenly surrounded by assholes who apparently really want to hear about how great his fake boyfriend is. Part 1 of Slide into those DMs

Heard you were tough (but you don’t look it) - (T, 3.6k) Summary: Derek is a protective Alpha, and whenever he sees a human in danger, he has to step in. Usually people are grateful. This guy? Not so much. 3 times Derek saves that ungrateful magic user’s life, and 3 times the ungrateful asshole saved his in return

Here we are two strangers (with nothing but this little spark) - (T, 6k) Summary: Stiles is only at this masquerade party for revenge. Theo Raeken has taken everything from him, and this is the only way he can get close enough to ruin his fucking life. He gets sidetracked by a mysterious stranger who’s looking for revenge of his own. Maybe they can help each other…

I might never be (your knight in shining armor) - (T, 2.9k) Summary: So, in Stiles’ defence, he didn’t actually know that the woman harassing the dude-sel in distress was an actual witch. Or that the dude in question was an Alpha werewolf who claimed to be able to handle himself. Stiles agrees to disagree on that one.

I take this magnetic force of a man (to be my lover) - (T, 6k) Summary: Derek is pretty happy with the mate he’s somehow chosen, even though Stiles has no idea - and no interest in Derek. But that’s fine. Except Peter just has to open his big mouth, because he clearly wants to ruin Derek’s life. Part 2 of Laura Hale is the best Alpha

I’d be a fearless leader (I’d be an Alpha type) - (T, 7.8k) Summary: Most teenagers would run off if they found a bleeding half-wolf, half-lady with red eyes snarling at them. But Stiles’ fight or flight response has always been a little fucked, and Laura Hale looks like she could use a break. Part 1 of Laura Hale is the best Alpha

I’m gonna light a spark (gonna hold my breath until the morning) - (T, 2.5k) Summary: Derek hates the bus, hates how people use it as an excuse to sit close to him and bat their eyelashes at him. And then this stranger who smells like home just falls asleep on his lap.

Lie under different stars (I’ve not seen you in the flesh for so long) - (T, 3,4k) Summary: In which Laura Hale is a queen of holding on to childhood mementos and seeing things her brother won’t, and Derek Hale rediscovers his love of Mischief.

The man who’s gonna marry you (make you feel alive) - (T, 4.2k) Summary: Only Finstock could marry the wrong people. Only Greenberg could fill out the papers wrong, but Finstock didn’t even check. It was like he wanted Stiles to be married to Derek Hale. And no one would want that, except maybe… Stiles.

No more dark sad lonely (k)nights - (T, 2k) Summary: Derek is an Alpha without an emissary, so his nosy betas made sure he attended the convention. Stiles is clearly in the wrong convention hall, because his Batman cosplay does not appear to be going over well.

Old you in the garbage (new you in display case) - (T, 13.4k) Summary: Stiles is lonely and desperate and suffering from a crush on the grumpiest librarian. So what’s a boy to do but cook up a ridiculous plan to get himself dated and/or finally get laid before the holidays? He just wants his She’s All That moment, okay? He never expected that the plan would actually help him get the guy.

Real life isn’t a movie (life doesn’t make narrative sense) - (M, 11.6k) Summary: Somehow accidentally insulting a hot guy in a coffee shop leads to pretending to be his boyfriend in front of a house full of werewolves. Stiles Stilinski is living his best life and making the most of his Hallmark movie moment.

Shoot your shot when you see em (he’s already in my DMs) - (T, 3.9k) Summary: Derek may or may not be falling in love with one of Laura’s employees, and he’s only ever spoken to him on the phone. Stiles doesn’t even know his name! But apparently, he does know how to slide into his DMs. Part 2 of Slide into those DMs

Some Cupid kills with arrows (some with mistletoe) - (T, 9.5k) Summary: It’s the same thing every time. Derek Hale comes home, the town is in a snit, and Stiles Stilinski polishes his metaphorical armor and gets ready for a battle of wits. Not that he considers Derek’s comments particularly witty. Their friends are just tired of the sexual tension and the rampant egos, and they’re ready to do something about it.

Such great heights (corresponding shapes like puzzle pieces) - (T, 3.3k) Summary: In which everyone in the pack is together and alive, because fuck canon. In which Stiles is surprised that Derek’s super hearing fails him. He just wants to know how tall Derek is, why is that such a big deal?

Teach me how to thrive (i was a loser just like you) - (T, 4.9k) Summary: Scott was cool now - the Squip had made sure of that. Stiles? Not so cool. All he has left are his cryptic conversations with perpetually wasted Derek Hale as he desperately tries to get an evil computer chip from taking over Beacon Hills.

We were young once (innocent and fun once) - (T, 5,3k) Summary: So maybe making Lydia jealous is just an excuse for him to finally talk to Derek Hale - it’s been ten years and clearly that high school crush is not over. There’s just a lot more to Derek than he was expecting.

We’ll put on a show (Scotty has to know) - (T, 7.7k) Summary: Stiles is a stubborn asshole, determined to have fun in Europe even though Scott stays behind in Belgium because of a girl. So asking a stranger to make out with him for the ‘Gram? Totally the best decision he’s ever made, and not just because that’ll totally show Jackson (and Scott!). Shame he won’t see the guy again, though.

What it looks like to forget (it’s easier that way) - (T, 4.9k) Summary: He has no idea who he is, but the stranger with the whiskey eyes is calling him Derek. And the guy has been sitting at his bedside for three days, so he’s got some credit. Especially because the guy smells like he should be his - though that is a supremely weird thought that he probably needs to figure out first.

You want forgiveness (I’ll give that to you) - (T, 2.8k) Summary: Derek is running from the Alpha, suffering from wolfsbane poisoning and he’s clearly losing it. Why else would he be seeing his mother - and everyone else he might as well have killed himself. But Stiles can’t just let him get what he deserves. Stiles never leaves him behind, even when he should.

You’re moving me around you (I said darling hold me) - (T, 14,5k) Summary: Derek is the only beta in a pack of two, blaming himself for the loss of their entire family. When his sister pays someone to get him used to human contact again, Derek preps himself for a couple unwilling handshakes before he kicks the stranger out of his den. Stiles is… not what Derek expected.

[barnesandrogersfanfics]

Unexpected Arrival - 2

Pairing: Eventual Bucky x Reader, Possible Steve x Reader

Summary: As if working with the Avengers wasn't exciting enough.... an unexpected visitor is about to change your life forever.

When the team got back from their mission Natasha went straight to Y/N’s room to check on her. When she opened the door and found the bed empty she started to panic, she had told her to go see Bruce if she got any worse.

"F.R.I.D.A.Y where's Y/N?" Nat asked the A.I.

"Agent Y/L/N was taken to medical by Captain Rodgers and Mr Stark"

"Shit!" Nat cursed as she turned and started running towards the medical floor.

"Nat? Whats going on?" Bucky asked seeing her running towards him.

"Y/N was taken to medical! I knew there was something wrong with her before we left! I should've trusted my gut and taken her there myself!"

"Well lets go check on her then" he said getting into the elevator with Nat.

Nat rushed out of the elevator and saw Tony and Bruce standing at one of the doors looking in while they spoke quietly to eachother.

"Hey, what happened is she okay?" Nat asked quickly wanting answers.

"Shes fine, we handled the situation" Tony said truthfully "did you not get my message? I tried calling you"

"My phone got trashed in the fight...."

"Its been an interesting night lets just start there" Bruce said running a hand through his hair.

"Interesting is the biggest understatement of the year Banner! It was literally the shock of a lifetime!! Especially for that girl in there" Tony said pointing towards the room behind him.

"Does someone wanna tell me what the hell is going on??" Nat snapped.

"You should probably take a look for yourself.... you’d never believe me otherwise".

Natasha walked over quickly, as she looked into the room Y/N was sleeping soundly.... Steve was sat in the chair next to her..... with a baby??!!

"What the fuck...... she.... she was pregnant???" Nat said turning to face the men behind her.

"What??" Bucky asked walking over to see for himself.... when he saw Steve holding the tiny baby in a yellow blanket he turned to the others looking horrified.

"Yep, a healthy baby girl. Born at 04:34am weighing 5lb 9oz delivered by yours truly!" Tony said sounding pleased of himself.

"How is that possible..... theres no way...." Nat was saying quietly to no one in particular.

"If you’re this shocked, can you imagine how shes feeling?" Bruce said nodded towards the room.

"Is it Steve's?" Nat asked seeing him holding the tiny baby and smiling.

"They say its not, she wont tell us who the father is until shes had a chance to tell him first"

"So she didnt know she was pregnant?" Bucky asked from beside Nat, his eyes glued to the tiny baby in Steves arms.

"Not a clue. She thought she had bad stomach flu" Bruce answered looking over her chart.

"She had been sick, she told me she thought it was stomach flu before we left. This is huge!"

"No shit" Tony rolled his eyes "she's gonna be out for a while, you want me to call you when she wakes up?"

"Yeah that would be good" Nat nodded

"I'm gonna check in with Steve quickly and make sure he’s okay" Bucky said and walked toward the room.

"just keep it down i don't want her waking up yet, shes had a tough night"

"Sure" Bucky nodded and headed inside.

Steve looked up when he heard the door open and smiled at his best friend.

"Guess you guys heard about the unexpected visitor we had" Steve said looking down at the baby in his arms.

"Yeah.... they just told us.... a..are they both okay?"

"Yeah they’re both perfect. Y/N is wiped out but after what she went through i cant say i blame her. It was amazing Buck!"

"You were there?... for the birth?"

"Yeah she wouldn't let me leave" he chuckled "that woman has got one hell of a grip i tell ya! Nearly crushed my hands. And this little lady..... i cant stop staring at her Buck! Shes so tiny and perfect. Look!" Steve motioned for Bucky to come and take a closer look at the baby.

"Wow.... shes beautiful! Look at her tiny little hands...."

"She keeps making the cutest little cooing sounds i swear my heart is melting for this kid" Steve gushed as Bucky pulled up a seat "You wanna hold her?" Steve offered his friend.

"No.... no i might hurt her" he said looking down at his metal arm.

"You wont, it'll be fine. Besides i really need to go to the bathroom"

"Oh... Okay" he said letting out a shaky breath as Steve stood up and passed him the baby.

"You good?" Steve asked checking with Bucky before he left.

"Yeah.... i got her" he nodded settling the baby in his flesh arm.

"I'll be right back" Steve assured him before slipping out quietly.

The room was quiet as i slowly opened my eyes, i could already sense there was someone else in here with me but just assumed it was Steve still. When i turned to look i was shocked to see Bucky sitting in the chair holding the baby.

"Hey..... you’re back" i said quietly so i didn't surprise him.

"Hey, Yeah we got back about an hour ago" he replied with a small smile "you had a busy night huh?"

"You could say that" i said pulling myself up in the bed so i was sitting up against the pillows.

"She's perfect Y/N" Bucky stated looking down at the yellow bundle in his arms.

"Yeah she is" i agreed "Buck....she's yours" I added quickly, there was no easy way to tell him that he was a dad "you know that right?"

"I had a feeling she might be" he nodded slowly and gave me a smile. Bucky seemed surprisingly calm about the whole thing actually.

"I swear i had no idea i was pregnant! I would've told you if i did. Having this dropped on you is huge.... i mean we're not even together! It was a one time thing and now we're parents!" I rambled away nervously "i was still going on missions for christ sake!"

"Y/N you didn't know, of course you'd still go on missions"

"I don't expect you to be okay with this, i can do this on my own.... no one needs to know shes yours, if thats what you want?"

"Is that what you want?" Bucky asked looking at me with sad eyes.

"No! Of course i want you to be apart of her life.... she needs her dad too. Im not ashamed to tell people she's yours Buck" i added knowing that was what he was really asking. He was asking if i was embarrassed about people finding out i had slept with him "but if you’re not ready for this i completely understand, i wont pressure you into it".

"Hey, you’re awake" Steve said smiling as he walked back into the room again interrupting whatever conversation i was having with Bucky.

"Yeah" i nodded with a quick smile before looking over at Bucky holding our daughter.....It really was a beautiful sight, he was being so careful with her. Steve must have noticed something in the way i looked at Bucky and Bucky was looking at his daughter because he suddenly let out an "oh my god....".

Bucky and i both looked up at him with wide eyes "what?" We said in unison waiting for Steve to tell us what was wrong.

"Is.... is she...." he pointed at Bucky and looked at you for confirmation.

"Yeah, she's Bucky's" i confirmed casually trying my best to act like this wasn't a huge deal.

"I didn't even know you two were a thing.....you never said anything Buck?"

"We're not together Steve thats why he never said anything" i said to save Bucky having to explain to his friend.

"So it was just a one time thing?"

"Yeah" i said with a shrug, i was trying my hardest to kept my shit together and keep calm. Keep my heart from trying to explode from my chest, i was pretty sure the two super soldiers could hear my heart racing though.

"Hey Steve, could you ask Nat to bring me a change of clothes down i really need to take a shower i feel disgusting" i said changing the subject before it became any more awkward.

"Sure, i know shes waiting to see you and meet this one here" he nodded to the baby in Bucky's arms "speaking of.... shes gonna need a name, have you thought about it yet?"

"Not yet, i don't want to rush into it and regret it. Parents normally have 9 months to decide on a name not 9 hours"

"Fair point" Steve chuckled "i'll go get Nat for you".

"Thanks.....hey Steve?" i called getting his attention as he reached the door.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you for being there for me today, it means a lot"

"Of course" he blushed before leaving me alone with Bucky and our daughter.

"I wish i could've been there" he said quietly "I'm sorry doll".

"Its fine, we didn't know what was going to happen Buck".

He nodded slowly but looked kinda sad that he had missed it, or maybe it was because Steve had been there and not him.

"I should go and let you get some rest"

"You can stay, you can watch her while i take a shower if you want?"

"You don't mind? You trust me with her?"

"Of course i do! Buck you’re her dad you’re not going to let anything happen to her".

"Id die before i let anything happen to her" he stated staring lovingly at her.

"See" i said with a chuckle "ive got nothing to worry about. Well almost nothing"

"What do you mean?"

"I have nothing for her, no clothes, diapers....no nursery. All i can do is feed her right now. Tony said he'll take care of it all but i feel bad leaving it all to him"

"He’s probably enjoying it doll you know what he’s like"

"Yeah i know, i just wish i had had time to do all that stuff myself"

"You would've kept her then? If you had found out you were pregnant?"

"I would" i nodded happily and truthfully.

A knock on the door pulled my attention and i turned to see Nat making her way in with a bag.

"Hey sweetheart, i leave you alone for a couple of hours and you go and have a baby?"

"Yeah sorry about that, who knew?" I laughed as she wrapped her arms around me and gave me a tight squeeze.

"Let me see!" She cooed as she walked over to Bucky to get a good look at the tiny bundle in his arms.

"Oh my god shes so precious! Absolute perfection. Y/N.... Can i hold her?"

Bucky looked like he didn't want to part with her but eventually handed her over to Nat gently.

"Hey I'm your auntie Nat. Uncle Bucky doesnt get to hog all the cuddles does he" she said rocking the baby gently.

"Erm about that Nat..... its not Uncle Buck.... she's his daughter"

Nat looked up at me with wide eyes and then looked at Bucky "what?? When did that happen??!" She said loudly causing the baby to stir slightly "shhhh im sorry baby girl go back to sleep" she said quietly.

"I'll give you two a few minutes to talk, i'll come back to watch our girl while you take your shower"

"Thanks Buck" i smiled and watched him leave the room.

"Sooooo, spill! You never told me you and Barnes were a thing!"

"We're not a thing, it was just the once"

"When?? You didn't even tell me you two slept together! We're supposed to be best friends!"

"You remember that mission we went on, the one where we had to stay at that safe house for the night to make sure they weren't tailing us?"

"Alaska?"

"Yep that would be the one. We were both beat up and were helping each other clean up.... one thing led to another and here we are" i said pointing to my baby daughter in Nat's arms.

"And it was just a one time thing...."

"Yeah, it never happened again. He acted like nothing had happened the morning after so i didn't make a big deal about it. We just carried on as normal" i shrugged.

"Did you want things to change? With you and Bucky i mean"

"Honestly? I was hoping it would" i finally admitted "i had liked him for ages Nat and when we finally.... i thought maybe he felt the same way. But clearly i was wrong"

"Y/N..... you should tell him! You guys have a daughter now"

"Thats not gonna make him suddenly want me Nat" i laughed "it doesn't matter anyway, I've already accepted that we'll only ever be friends" i said as i slowly climbed out of bed to grab the bag that Nat had brought with her.

"Hey be careful!" She said taking a few steps towards me.

"Im fine Nat just a bit sore, i can get out of Bed by myself" i told her as the door opened and Bucky came walking back in.

"take it easy doll, should you even be up and about yet?"

"Guys I'm fine, really" i tried to tell them "i just need a shower"

"Okay, Buck you wanna take your girl and i'll get momma to the shower" Nat said handing over the baby, he soon had his daughter settled against his chest and took a seat again.

"You’re a natural Barnes" Nat said sounding surprised walking over to me and taking the bag "lets go get you cleaned up".

"I wont be long Buck, you okay with her?" I asked wanting to make sure he felt comfortable being left alone.

"We're good, go take care of yourself. We'll be waiting for you when you get back" he smiled.

[rogerrachel1995]

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[comicteaparty]

December 7th, 2017 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party chat that occurred on December 7th, 2017, from 5PM - 7PM PST.  The chat focused on Heart Hex by tendermiri.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

Good day everyone~! This week’s Comic Tea Party is now officially beginning. Today we are discussing Heart Hex by tendermiri~! (http://hearthex.tumblr.com/) For those new to CTP, discussions about the comic are freeform, so please feel free to bring up whatever you wish. However, every 30 minutes I will be dropping in a discussion question to help those who would like a prompt. These questions are totally OPTIONAL to answer so pay them no mind if you wish~! Remember, constructive criticism is allowed, but the primary focus here is to have fun and appreciate the amazing comics that the community makes~! Each chat a top comment will be picked and featured on an ad for this chat, so let’s have a great discussion~!

With that said, let us begin with this first question~!

QUESTION 1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?

MathTans the Pun Prince

Helloooo! I'd say my fave scene was actually the one where Teo was musing about being an internet sensation and what it might mean to lose it and such. Resonated with me, in part because I'm so far on the other end of the spectrum. ^.^

zestwitch

I especially enjoyed the palm reading scene, like the page that showed the various lines on the palm and explaining what they meant. It was a nice story break that functioned as a plot driver and also built atmosphere. :^)

MathTans the Pun Prince

Oh yeah, that was neat! I admit, I looked at my own palm to see if I could spot similar lines.

zestwitch

Yep it's really nice when comics that feature witches involve smaller/quieter aspects, makes it feel well rounded

RebelVampire

both are really good scenes. I like how Teo's internet musings were visually presented cause something about it just made it more realistic and grounding. for the palm reading scene tho i also really love that it broke to show the palm reading lines. i think the way its presented is really helpful for those who ahve never had their palm read and would otherwise be on google going wtf is this magic

MathTans the Pun Prince

The colour coding was clever too.

Also, speaking of visual presentation, impressive backgrounds.

zestwitch

Oh yes- I really like that it's set in Chicago. That's my bias lol I love when stories take place here.

Superjustin of Time and Space

HI THERE

And yeah Chicago is a cool place

MathTans the Pun Prince

Heh. I don't think I even majorly picked up on that. Guess I only notice when it's set around where I am. ^^

All the baddest demons hang out in Chicago.

Superjustin of Time and Space

yes

RebelVampire

gonna be honest i also didnt notice the specific setting. XD some sort of city was enough for me while reading. i was a bit more focused on the demon XD

MathTans the Pun Prince

Curious, did anyone think Lee's boyfriend was actually legit sorry about wanting her back? I was majorly skeptical.

zestwitch

As in, did he truly want her back?

MathTans the Pun Prince

Yeah. I was worried he was playing her for more information about the witchy things. Turned out he was just a jerk, but when she accepted him, I felt like, oh dear.

zestwitch

Yeah I don't think he's genuine with either lee or dana. He seems to me like he leans towards whoever is convenient for him, or just how he happens to feel. Not sure if he really loves either of them.

Superjustin of Time and Space

this guy's face

I lvoe it for some reason

RebelVampire

he does have a good expression there

MathTans the Pun Prince

Yeah, I'm pretty sure he doesn't now, after what we saw in the background of Teo's story. Maybe I'm just suspicious by nature, I had doubts from the get-go. ^.^

RebelVampire

i definitely dont think ant was genuine at all

the minute he walked into that apartment i screamed "dont you take him back its a trap"

and then it was a trap

MathTans the Pun Prince

Right, Ant. (I'm bad on names.) Okay, so not just me, whew.

RebelVampire

nah everything about ant screamed dishonest

not to mention most ppl who cheat tend to cheat again

not always some ppl do learn. but a lot just really dont change

MathTans the Pun Prince

The twin brother thing is interesting. They're drawn differently enough though that I don't think mistaken identity will come up. (Hair colour in particular.)

Superjustin of Time and Space

props to this hair too

zestwitch

Yes I'm very interested in Teo's brother, right off the bat he has a really engaging personality so I'd like to see more of him

Teo too. He's very likable

MathTans the Pun Prince

They're less demonic.

RebelVampire

im interested in the fact theyre twins just cause they have gone out of their way to look really different. so at first glance you would not expect that. it opesn up a lot of questions about their relationship too

MathTans the Pun Prince

Seems like they only recently moved in together too? Wonder if it was after Teo separated from his past relationship.

Superjustin of Time and Space

>two boys moving together(edited)

I like those kind of things for some reason

zestwitch

I think the thing I'm most interested in is more info on the demon. Rosier

I wanna know more about his backstory and motivations for sure.

MathTans the Pun Prince

He seems to enjoy his work.

Superjustin of Time and Space

Yea

RebelVampire

i know on the character profiles it says he hasnt been to earth since the 1600's

which now makes me wonder who made the last blood pact

zestwitch

True

MathTans the Pun Prince

I really need to remember to look at the profile pages. >.<

RebelVampire

QUESTION 2. The comic deals with a lot of themes in regards to revenge, love, fame, and even cause & effect. Each character has their own personal issues, from Lee’s torn apart love life to Teo’s newness to fame. Which character’s struggle resonates with you the most and why? How do you think their struggles tie into other themes of the comic? Additionally, what other themes not mentioned have you noticed in the comic, and why do you think they’re important to the larger story?

MathTans the Pun Prince

Heh, well, as I said, the Teo fame thing actually resonates, largely because of how different it is from where I'm at. He's made it "big" (relatively) and is doing signings and things, while wondering about how it affects his life. Speaking as someone who's still trying to claw together more than a dozen readers after 6 years, I wonder if I'd be equally vexed on the flip side.

(Hm, vexed is the wrong word. Angsty?)

Teo's got the whole imposter thing going on too, wondering if it's only because of his brother's popularity that he's made a name for himself.

zestwitch

True the imposter syndrome facet is really interesting

RebelVampire

i at least found his struggle relatable in that i watch a lot of youtubers who talk about stuff like that. where theyre just doing all these things going what even how did this happen

so i feel the portrayal of the struggle is actually pretty realistic

thats a good spot tho

MathTans the Pun Prince

It's one you don't often see either.

RebelVampire

the imposter syndrome

tho i cant blame him cause there is a point its hard to know which person has more influence on the other

i mean im sure there are some fans of his that are his fans cause his brother is a cool rockstar

its just always a question of how many

MathTans the Pun Prince

There is that. It could have helped boost his name, the association, at least initially.

Like, his thoughts can't have come from nowhere.

zestwitch

Yeah + family seems to be a strong theme for Teo. In the q/a it said we'd see more of his daughter eventually

MathTans the Pun Prince

True, true. He's got a good conscience also, bumping the coffee onto Ant. I imagine his brother's decent too, letting Teo move in. Wonder why his relationship hasn't worked out. Was the fame thing part of it?

RebelVampire

well considering his reaction to ant i kind of assumed some self projection there

MathTans the Pun Prince

Hmm, that's interesting. I can see it, didn't think about that.

RebelVampire

not to say thats for sure

but he did have an extreme reaction to the conversation

which most ppl would just probably ignore it

MathTans the Pun Prince

So he was kinda tuned into it? Could have been he was bored.

RebelVampire

there were other ppl in the shop tho and he was poised to write stuff down. but mostly, bumping into him so ant spills hot coffee on himself is not the most upstanding reaction XD that is the action of someone who is bitter about something

MathTans the Pun Prince

There is that. Of course, inserting yourself into a conversation and saying "hey, you're kind of terrible to be talking behind someone's back" is a tough sell. I guess I just liked the comeuppance too much.

RebelVampire

maybe what happened tho is diff. like teo had a breakup and later the person was like "nah man i never loved you you actually dont mean anything to me now" cause there was a similar line that seemed to trigger his reaction

MathTans the Pun Prince

That could be. Now, while Teo's struggle resonates the most, the one I'm most curious about is between Lee and Dana. Because they were both played by Ant, but then Lee just stepped right the hell over the line about having her watch as Rosier killed him. (I guess because she thought Dana was in on it??) I feel like that's got to play into things.

It also kind of kills my yuri ship of Lee and Dana consoling each other over the jerk because Dana likely has PTSD.

zestwitch

It might be jealousy. Sucks for dana. But considering lee would go far enough to have ant killed, its not a large step further to have the girl who replaced her watch it happen.

MathTans the Pun Prince

Guess it could be jealousy. Maybe that's a larger arcing theme.

RebelVampire

i like that both stories are connected by some themes of...im gonna say lonliness even tho im not sure thats the word i want to use. maybe isolation. cause lee and teo both seem to be having struggles with connecting with others.

MathTans the Pun Prince

Ooh, that's a good point. Yeah, like isolation issues.

Being defined by the people around them.

RebelVampire

which maybe dana will become more prominent and have a similar theme where shes like "nope if i date this person theyll become demon chow"

MathTans the Pun Prince

(Is there a statute of limitations on blood oaths?)

RebelVampire

idk O_O maybe.

oh thats a good one too that theyre all being defined by the people around them

makes you wonder what lee was like before ant

MathTans the Pun Prince

Like, now that the deed is done, does Rosier just chill out on the couch until someone else summons him?

Truth. He doesn't seem to have changed her for the better.

I doubt living with a demon will do wonders for her psyche either.

She was wondering about if she was on the tipping point.

RebelVampire

more likely he does some soul collection and gtfo there but maybe not. i mean we have no idea what rosier's endgame is. hes a demon and demons usually up to no good

unless the character profile lied

and he really just wants to have an epic career as a ninja

MathTans the Pun Prince

Characters evolve. ^.^

RebelVampire

that they do

so idk

its up in the air now whatll go on with rosier

MathTans the Pun Prince

Rosier teaches Teo how to be a ninja next.

(Time for some oddball theories.)

RebelVampire

oh another theme thats kind of present is impulsiveness. cause lee obviously made an impulsive decision, teo implies his fame thing was kind of impulsive decision with the initial video.

but now that makes me wonder if ant also made an impulsive decision

MathTans the Pun Prince

Oooh, interesting, didn't pick up on that.

RebelVampire

and he had actually gone to lee's apartment to check on her

but then was like "baby i love you you so hot"

MathTans the Pun Prince

Maybe. Dude might as well have a devil on each shoulder if that's the case though.

RebelVampire

sometimes ppl do. not to say hes suddenly guiltless or anything. but maybe he didnt intend to get with her which is why he was so abrasive in a way with dana. trying to deny the deed

for himself

MathTans the Pun Prince

Yeah, except ticking off a blood witch seems like not good for self preservation. I dunno. Maybe he's more brainless than a jerk?

Like, he apparently doesn't know Lee half as well as he thinks.

RebelVampire

well to be fair he might just view her as mostly a scammer. since she does scam ppl apparently

QUESTION 3. Though Ant and Lee almost patch things up, Ant proves to be a cheater still. In her despair, Lee instructs the demon Rosier to kill Ant. However, there is clearly a soul at stake in this bargain. What do you think will happen to Lee now that Ant is dead? Will Rosier call for the soul now? Does the soul have to be Lee’s or is Rosier after Ant’s soul? Will Lee regret her actions or just rejoice Ant is dead? Will she become aware of how her actions have affected others or will she live in blissful ignorance of what she has wrought?

MathTans the Pun Prince

Oh, with palm reading? I didn't pick up on that.

RebelVampire

idk if it was with the palm reading. i just know ant mentioned her scamming and her profile mentions she scams college kids on the side

MathTans the Pun Prince

Gotcha. Regarding the question, huh, I just kind of assumed it was Ant's soul. Unless Lee interceded and found someone else.

zestwitch

I think Lee paid with her own soul

in exchange for the favor? Not 100% sure

MathTans the Pun Prince

I don't think Lee will regret killing Ant. I do think she might regret making Dana watch. Which she could learn about through Teo, if he ends up seeing a similar expression on Dana as the one Lee had when Rosier was hanging about. (It could just be me trying to ship the two women again.)

RebelVampire

yeah the comic was vague so anybody's soul is up for grabs. tho maybe its dana's soul thats gonna get taken cause shes there. it could be ant's soul tho. ant's soul makes sense since hes dead therefore his soul is not exactly using his body. but its a blood pact so lee's soul makes more sense

i think shell regret killing ant tho. especially if she goes and sees

cause she loved him at one point

and love is harder to get over than a moment of rage

MathTans the Pun Prince

Maybe. I guess it depends on how well she can put it behind her (which could be impossible depending on Rosier's actions next). Like, maybe she'd regret having caused someone's death, but I still hesitate on whether there was anyone else more worthy.

I wonder if anyone else will be miffed. Like, how can the police deal with something like this, when you've got an eyewitness talking about demons? Would she be written off as a loon, or are there X-Files agents out there who might start asking questions, annoying other witches?

RebelVampire

i doubt were gonna go x-files here

but now that you mention it

dana is probably going to jail or the psych ward

or is at least going to be prime suspect

cause she was the only one in the room

thered probably be no demon evidence

and lee whod have the most motive has an alibi kind of

MathTans the Pun Prince

Oh heck. I hadn't even considered that Dana'd be a suspect. (Not the odango girl, nuuu!) I don't think she'd have motive though, really. But yeah, kinda means and opportunity. THAT'S something Lee could feel guilty about.

Still wonder how prevalent such things are elsewhere in the world.

RebelVampire

id assume not very maybe. i mean at the very least, if theres witches about youd think someone wouldve summoned rosier much sooner

rather than wait at least 400 years

MathTans the Pun Prince

He might have been in self-imposed (or externally imposed) exile for that time.

Or maybe he's connected to Lee's bloodline specifically or something, and no one on her side of the family summoned him. Other bloodlines have other demons.

RebelVampire

hmm possibly

MathTans the Pun Prince

Or time passes different in the demon realms. I dunno, I'm making up stuff now. ^.^

What do they even do with souls?

Power their microwaves?

RebelVampire

that is a good question.

maybe eat them. using them for tennis practice

hard to say

rosier so vague

MathTans the Pun Prince

"I need soul!" "I'll play you some jazz music."

RebelVampire

LOL

regardless i feel like at the end lee wont have time to regret what happens to others. i feel shes gonna be focused on the fact she now has a spooky demon who has fulfilled his end of the bargain

MathTans the Pun Prince

It does take a while for that sort of thing to sink in. Lots happening in a short time frame here.

RebelVampire

although i would like to see lee at least regret the dana part. cause thats just cold hearted. she didnt even consider that dana got played just as much as she did

MathTans the Pun Prince

Yeah. Kind of a rude introduction to the spirit world there. (Ooh, I wonder if Dana might have some powers of her own...)

Like, maybe Ant likes to date people with connections to the spirit realm.

RebelVampire

queue the next chapter where dana gets her own blood pact going and rosier and another demon have epic demon fights

MathTans the Pun Prince

I'd read that. Particularly if while the demons are duking it out the pretty ladies just go off and make out somewhere. (Sorry, sorry, I'll try to get off this boat...)

I remember reading in the Q&A that Lee is bi. ^.^

RebelVampire

i think your ship is a bit doomed there considering lee just made the girl watch ant get sliced into sashimi

thats kind of a mood killer

MathTans the Pun Prince

Both of them may have regrets. ^.^

RebelVampire

QUESTION 4. The description of the story mentions it is about the “far-reaching consequences of one impulsive decision.” Considering the comic has switched to focusing on Teo now, what do you think will happen to Teo? Will his brief encounter with Lee make him a target for Rosier? Will his career or something else be affected because of how he interacted with Ant (who is now very dead)? Is there some foreshadowing in the palm reading that Teo received that can hint at what these consequences might be? Alternatively, is Teo a red herring and going to get off scot free?

MathTans the Pun Prince

Hmm... going back to something you said earlier, maybe Teo is being presented as a counterpoint to Ant. Like, maybe he was kind of a jerk when he was a few years younger, and now he's older and reformed and is doing good. (Both Teo and Ant have a daughter, I think?) So Lee sees what Ant could have become, if he lived.

RebelVampire

hmm thats an interesting interpretation.

i wonder if them both having daughters is going to be important

MathTans the Pun Prince

I also feel like Teo'll end up mixed up in things more owing to seeing the reactions of others to Rosier rather than interacting with the demon himself, since he's open to stuff like palm reading, plus that scene of Lee rushing him out of the place still resonates a bit (maybe because it was fairly recent in the narrative).

All guesswork, of course.

RebelVampire

it could be. or maybe hell see lee again cause something in the palm reading comes true.

so hes like holy crap and goes to see her again

and shes just hiding in the corner crying cause spook demon is about

MathTans the Pun Prince

That could be. I don't remember much of the palm stuff, I read it over the weekend. ^.^ But I could see that.

RebelVampire

the gist was basically "Teo your life sucks and it will continue to suck"

XD

or its possible that itll be on the news, ant's death that is

thanks napples

and while teo is with his bro hell be like "whoa i saw that guy this morning"

and then teo self reflects

tho maybe the outcome wont be negative

maybe hell see ant had a daughter and is like "i should spend more time with my kid"

Superjustin of Time and Space

I find it very unliekly

but what if somehow

MathTans the Pun Prince

Napples likes to get some digs in. Yeah, I'm pretty sure it'll make the news, what with the talk of graphic portrayal.

Superjustin of Time and Space

Ant returned form the grave

in spirit or something

MathTans the Pun Prince

Could be, Rebel.

RebelVampire

i could see as a spirity ghost. and rosier is like "here lee i got you this cheating boyfriend"

MathTans the Pun Prince

We don't know much about the spirit world, true SJ

Superjustin of Time and Space

lol

MathTans the Pun Prince

Could be the "soul" part that Rosier wants.

Superjustin of Time and Space

Perhaps

RebelVampire

maybe ant's ghost will haunt lee cause unfinished business and all that jazz

and he will eternally remind lee what she did

MathTans the Pun Prince

Smooth jazz music plays

Superjustin of Time and Space

yeah that sound slike a cool moment.

MathTans the Pun Prince

Maybe Lee ends up taking in Ant's daughter, and needs to turn to Teo for advice on how to raise a kid?

RebelVampire

maybe but id assume ant's daughter lives with the mom so that seems unlikely

tho maybe lee gets invited to the funeral

and meets ant's daughter

and is like oops

i killed someone's dad

MathTans the Pun Prince

Who is also Teo's aunt! Dun dun dun.

(The mom who is also the aunt that is. Not Lee.)

The circumstances of how their threads weave back together will be interesting either way, I think

RebelVampire

yeah i look forward to seeing how things reconnect. cause the change in focus really has me curious where its going to go. like is it going to be a dual protagonist situation where it switches back and forth between them. or is it going to have more

like maybe after teo we follow teo's bro or something

MathTans the Pun Prince

Or maybe it's less a dual protagonist thing and is more protagonist/antagonist. Lee's already indicated she thinks she's not a good person.

Maybe Teo tries to help Dana or something, and Lee says screw that noise, and they end up on opposite sides of the coin.

RebelVampire

could be although i feel like lee isnt going to go that far. i mean she was certainly the villain when it came to ant and dana, but i dont feel shes going to continue down the evil path. unless what rosier wants with a soul is to have some servant of evil. in which case maybe lee will just serve him and bring him victim after victim

MathTans the Pun Prince

I don't see her continuing down it unless Rosier's involved, yeah. Guess we'll see.

Anyway, before things wrap, just want to mention again that backgrounds were done very well in my opinion. Also all the best to the author and thyroids, my wife has trouble with hers, they can be problematic.

RebelVampire

yes i hope the author is doing better. illnesses of any kind suck

but yeah the backgrounds are nice

tho i think the art is general has a really nice, well-done style

i really love lee's witch outfit

MathTans the Pun Prince

Truth.

The hair progression in the Q&A was neat too.

RebelVampire

Unfortunately, the scheduled Comic Tea Party is now complete~! Thank you everyone so much for joining this week’s chat~! That being said, if you would like to continue discussing the comic, we encourage you to do so~! We want to give a big thank you to tendermiri, as well, for volunteering Heart Hex for our reading queue. If you liked the comic, please be sure to support tendermiri’s efforts. If you have questions, concerns, or suggestions about CTP, please feel free to PM me, or e-mail me at RebelVampire@startfaire.com.

With that said, next week’s Comic Tea Party will focus on Zaltera by Morgan Mudway (aka Tri). Please use this week to read as much of the comic as you would like. Hope to see you next Thursday (December 14th) from 5PM to 7PM PST~! Until then~! Comic: http://zalteracomic.com/

[renamusing]

reuenthals replied to your post: reuenthals replied to your post: ...

in the folder re: konhiji like we’re not told how old toshi was when he met kondo but probably a teenager considerin sougo was 6-8 so i always thought toshi’d place kondo in a place similar to tamegoro but misunderstand those feelins as smth else bc he’s just a baby + kondou’s the first to show him real (or any) affection outside tamegoro n not fear or resent him in any way but actually want to help him (he later in life realizes hed just misplaced/misunderstood their 

nature). from that same era, i think his feelins for mitsuba would fit a similar narrative as in bc of circumstances she HAD to be the woman he loved bc all men must love a woman plus she had feelins for him (tho tbh i also dont think hers were any different from the familial love she had for kondou and it was also a matter of circumstance but thats another matter) so it was a done deal but still easy to leave behind for a new life n have as backup/excuse for any other

woman hed meet or more like a shield from havin to open up w/unravel to any feelins of love of a non familial nature for anyone. his take on love is rly naive n pure (contrasted to ofc my baby whos smart n no fool) bc it also serves as shield n hes also said to be unable to relate/open up to women multiple times but is defenseless towards men (n sorachi loves that trope esp w toshi n gin chan in which theyre ‘men that are more attractive to other men than women’) which

i think is why hes so well defenseless towards gin chan durin their duel in the rooftops like for gin chan thats just a ‘crazy cop attacked me again’ moment but for toshi it like shakes the foundations of his whole bein he like lies there all wistful like wtf…..im gay? no… w a blossomin crush that only gets worse the more he interacts w gin chan (cant blame him tho gin chan is an angel) but like the way hes constructed specifically as an archetype hes too set in

performin masculinity (kyuchan says this but he also says this abt himself also multiple times) n sorachi is aware to an extent (plus hes drawin from men who were practicin mlm themselves) what this trope entails wrt sexuality n its expressions like for toshi its comfortable not to think abt love or any of that bc he has a goal n the excuse of a dead woman but its impossible to read him as anythin but not straight no matter the degree to which he is aware of it (which

tbh i think its a lot more than what ppl in fandom give him credit for) i have more detailed backed up analysis of this somewhere but i cant find them but basically at the end of the day i think toshi meetin kondo n at least havin some mixed up feelins abt what he feels towards him that hes able to resolve as bein brotherly later on in life set the path for him realizin he can love other men not in a brotherly way n in the way he (as a man) is supposed to love women

wow long but yes like toshi’s archetype in other manga/literature is easily read n can be coded as mlm/gay n is often the case but his issues run too deep for him to even consider that part seriously (at least tbh until 551 maybe baragaki but i dont think that early) so he has to suffer for it he deserves the worst the only reason gh is okay is bc he provides economically for gin chan n would be willin to pay any outstandin debts as shown in the soul switch arc. the end

i feel like this was just a sneak peek into that folder, but I loved it 200%! it’s super hard for me to reply without going into my own headcanons about gh and how they relate to one another, cause the way toshi relates to gin is so different from kondo in my perspective; in fact, it’s why i can’t get romantic konhiji at all, though i admit you make a fair point when u address the transition of toshi’s “most important person” from tamegoro to kondo (at that young age mixed feelings would be acceptable) plus, i always saw kondo as the character that ‘saved’ toshi, while gin was the one that ‘healed’ him. ofc both relationships go way beyond these dynamics, but without any actual canon romantic proof it’s difficult to postulate from toshi’s limited pov. 

so, while the shinsengumi became his substitute family and kondo tamegoro’s substitute (the family core), it’s a given that toshi perceives this love as unconditional, would-die-for etc. however, it would be interesting to explore his feelings for kondo back then in relation to mitsuba; like in an effort to answer the love of a woman (as you so brilliantly put, that in those circumstances toshi HAD to love a woman) he tried to shift his romantic feelings/attraction to kondo’s masculine figure to her ? (IM ONLY  REALIZING NOW THAT THIS WAS PROBABLY WHAT YOU MEANT BEFORE? IM SORRY) tho i don’t agree that mitsuba’s love for him was familial cause ponytail toshi, mack, like pls, she had to be blind ???

then we come to ginchan, whose whole relationship with toshi is based, imo, in the fact that they not only see a part of themselves in each other (the guilty, self-hating, rebel part) but that in seeing it they understand themselves better and are able to open up, share their experiences and encourage one another; not to mention protect what’s dear to them. aka they love each other. there is literally no other explanation for ginchan waiting in the rain for toshi so they could go out for a meal? i mean, sakata gintoki sat in the rain, under his umbrella, looking all complacent & shit. ALRIGHT. 

btw i bolded some of your bits cause i rly relate to them in the way i see toshi, especially the ones about him putting up a shield. toshi has always had problems dealing with his feelings, even before we knew of his past with his brother (which for continuity’s sake was probably what triggered him to bottle  everything up), he had always been written/regarded as a cold, level-headed character who doesn’t let emotions get the best of him. his rank in the shinsengumi further emphasizing this (and his otaku persona as well). so, without disregarding ginchan’s merits, i think that kondo’s influence (and even mitsuba’s to some extent) may have contributed to lowering toshi’s shield enough that he was able to give himself a chance to connect with someone outside his comfort zone/past. the fact that that person happened to be a man only makes more sense given his background and the hints that tell us he was never able to relate to women or feel like he could make them happy. it’s Tough on my heart to say that ginchan is basically ideal because, even though he is the mc, it’s like he was made to play that role in toshi’s life. he doesn’t bring all the answers but rather more questions cause there’s no way toshi can be confused now because his attraction to ginchan cant be excused with the role of ‘brother’ or ‘fated woman he was supposed to love’, gh bond is their own, their closeness in canon SHOULD raise suspicion cause it sure doesn’t seem straight.

well, i digressed WAY more than i should, but yeah that’s it, kudos on that folder.