#i mean these growing pains are equally scary lol

[your-thighness]

You are wise beyond your years and drop dead gorgeous too. That's a dangerous combination. I hope you find happiness in every day and meaning where you hope to find it

thanks! its the trauma 😘

and well now, that has become my path. i am allowed to freely find what excites me!

i am finally allowed to just live instead of just surviving. and to live is the scariest fucking thing i've ever done.

[silverislander]

man ok kind of obsessed w the way amanda overton talks abt writing fight scenes in that new bridging the rift episode! so i have thoughts about the vi/sevika fight

first off: i don't really think vi did that in order to win and kick sevika's ass. i think she's smarter than assuming she's just going to take her on no problem, and i think the reason is as simple as... that's kind of who she is what she does. we learn from her records (and the everything about her actually) that vi got into a LOT of fights in prison, but from arcane/context clues, it seems like when she starts it, it was always people associated with silco and his gang. vi beats up silco's crew. it's what she does.

i feel like that singleminded tunnel vision from stillwater is still super there (bc. when did she ever get downtime to heal it lol); she didn't get to have an identity for years in a literal sense. she didn't even get a name- just 516 or pink, which side note makes me Cry but anyways. she's not vi, not powder's sister or the leader/strength of her group. she's prisoner 516 who punched a man's eye out. she's the scary bitch down in the hole half the time. she's pink, who beats up silco's goons. that's all she had to define herself as for most of her formative years. this is what she is.

building on this, i think the meaning of the fight gets a lot clearer: this is vi trying to fight her past and all of its pain, and it's her beating herself up because of it. sevika isn't just a traitor that vi wants to fight, she's the idea of powder being taken away and it being all vi's fault (in her mind). she only ever did it out of that self-hatred and a need to somehow atone for that night anyway? vi goes up against her, already kind of knowing she won't win, knowing it's gonna fucking hurt, because she has to. it's like self harm (don't get me started on my hc of vi starting fights to punish herself-); she thinks she deserves to be hurt by her past just as much as she explicitly states she doesn't think she'll ever grow and move past what she did that night, how she wasn't enough for powder.

and it almost kills her. sevika is going to finish it and let her bleed out in an alley, that's pretty clear.

so then there's the best fucking part at the very end- caitlyn saves her, and that's the most obvious symbolism in this thing, and i fucking love it. she's even placed up above the fight and the lighter colours are behind her head like a halo- she's literally an avenging angel, it absolutely slaps!! but it's super clear what she represents in this scene, bc it's kind of what she always represents.

caitlyn is hope here. she always is- joining the enforcers to help the cities, solving a mystery nobody wants her to figure out that doesn't even affect her because it's the Right Thing To Do, later dreaming of a world where zaunites won't have to live the way they do and piltovans will make things fair again, and i absolutely love that about her- but here especially, because she's vi's hope for the future (their future!). vi is saved from her own self-hatred and pulled out of hurting herself via her own past by a force she doesn't expect or understand yet. things get better by themselves out of nowhere for her in a way they never have before, and maybe... that means that could happen again. she has hope now.

and then with this understanding, of course that's the turning point for their relationship, of course now vi can treat her as an equal ally (and maybe even more). vi has literally fucking seen the light and she's getting pulled right into it. here is a chance for things to get better: a girl she's supposed to hate who shouldn't give a damn who genuinely wants to help everyone she meets, including vi, despite all of her flaws and baggage.

and you get all of this in like... fifteen minutes or less, without directly saying any of it. fucking incredible.

[lexpressobean]

Thoughts on Kikaichu as actual Parasites.

Knowing how skin and the body generally works on a medical level, the "hive" aspect of the Aburame clan really drives me crazy. 'Cause parasites are real, obviously, but the size of Kikaichu beetles makes absolutely no sense in comparison to irl skin parasites. At least not in a bee hive sort of way lol

rambling because my mind craves logic and I'm specializing as a wound care nurse but it's literally anime so what do I expect lol

No, wounds don't freak me out, I'm more terrified of generally handling vomit and babies than I am a dehiscence of a 15cm long surgical site lol. The human body can literally take so much abuse before it really starts to give and try to alert you that you need help! And once you give it help, it really can come full circle to the wound 100% looking like it was never there. The body is an amazing thing <3

However the first thing that comes to mind when I hear the word "parasite" is always going to be "tapeworm". That's not gonna change. However, kikaichu are not worms and CERTAINLY don't grow that fucking huge or live that long. (A tape worm can live long enough to graduate with a fucking PhD. Can you believe?) I haven't been exposed to any urgent situations involving parasites yet, however, the one I would compare a Kikaichu to that is (unfortunately) also common is the scabies mite.

Very briefly, scabies mites (Sarcoptes scabiei) are technically a type of arachnid that grow no bigger than a bout 0.5mm in size, but CAN be seen with the naked eye if you're looking for them. They crawl around the skin and burrow specifically in the top layer of skin, called the epidermis. The epidermis is that protective layer of skin and can be between 0.5mm to 1.5mm thick depending on which part of the body you're looking at. After the epidermis, you have the dermal layer, which is where sweat glands, nerves, and capillaries are found. Scabie mites will not burrow that deep because they only burrow to lay their eggs and such. As they do this they can cause visible tunnels and other marks that can be mistaken for acne or other skin conditions if not properly identified. You'll most likely know because the itch is VERY BAD.

They're very easily spread by close contact and a scabies infestation needs to be treated with a prescribed pharmacological means.

However, kikaichu are definitely a lot bigger than 0.5mm. In the case of size, I would compare them at minimum to fruitflies/medflies, which grow up to 3-5mm and maximum to ladybugs 4-7mm.

3-7mm > 0.5-1.5mm... obviously. And the holes which Kikaichu swarm out of that the audience has seen before are about a size comparable Shino's nostrils, IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!!

You're telling me those things were in his mouth?????????? S H I N O N O

That would mean, in realistic terms, the Kikaichu are fucking around in Shino's body to the bone and muscles and THAT'S A REALLY SCARY THOUGHT. Even just passing the epidermis to the dermis is alarming! Compared to the dry, protective epidermis that can and does take damage, the dermis can be 1-4mm thick depending on where you're looking and is where skin does it's business. All together that becomes 0.5-5.5mm of space BARELY big enough for a fruit fly do mess around in. It makes just enough sense in terms of THAT size, but last time I checked, having the skin penetrated to the dermal layer is just asking for infection to happen. You're first natural line of defense has been breeched, there's a pretty good chance you're gonna be bleeding (blood vessels) and general body fluids are going to be draining, which is bad for a multitude of reasons, and there's damage that gonna affect the nerves, and realistically this shit is going to be ABSOLUTELY painful if they're constantly manipulating those areas near nerves. These kinda of things CAN make new connections and things like that, sometimes damage is forever. (Case by case basis).

So my first thought to more or less "magically" solve the problem with anime logic, is that first of all, it's an anime and logic doesn't have to apply haha.

On a more sci-fi level, in which kikaichu are smaller than we've seen them shown, maybe they have been purposefully been allowed to burrow into the dermal layer of the skin at least because the blood vessels seem to be in direct contact with the chakra system. Kikaichu's prefered food is chakra, but they WILL mutiny and eat their respective Aburame from the inside out if they don't balance their chakra smartly. So it's safe to say Kikaichu are at least carnivorous as well, and so I only imagine these absolute nightmares would swarm their prey in the wild, and actively bite through and burrow into the body of the prey until they found the chakra system and went to town on that poor unfortunate soul. Eaten alive, how the hell did they "tame" them in the first friggin' place??

I like to think two things:

1) Kikaichu are passed down from parent to child, and the parent has control over the Kikaichu until they have been RIGOROUSLY trained for generations to comprehend that this baby/child isn't food, it's a new hive. If bees can comprehend time, Kikaichu can comprehend what an Aburame is. If they insist on trying to drain the babe or the babe just can't tolerate them, the parent takes the Kikaichu back and the babe is assigned another insect or position in general. Like hell they're gonna try to force a relationship like that.

2) As part of the successful symbiotic relationship, Kikaichu regularly debride the tunnels and borrows that they carve into their respective Aburame, and are naturally intuitive in avoiding as many nerves and blood vessels as possible. The chance of infection is never 0%, however, kikaichu are pretty good about taking care of their tunnels, and so it gives the Aburame more time to focus on their things, like increasing the amount if chakra in their system. To ensure that they stay healthy, Aburame are encouraged to eat as much protein and Vit C possible every day, whether it be meat, beans, lentils, eggs, oranges, tomatoes, or even supplements as times modernize. The dermis is living tissue and as long as debridement/tunneling is going on, it needs to be nourished as much as possible.

I don't know how the hell Aburame deal with the obvious drainage that would be coming from their bodies, assuming the dermal layer really is free game for the Kikaichu. But the magical solution is that... they don't? Because... drainage is minimal. The Kikaichu just do such a good job lol. Maybe they purposefully... carve entrances to be flappy, or they purposefully create pocket spaces underneath seemingly healed areas of skin to easily burst open when necessary. That's the biggest thing for me, leaking body fluids. There's no way around that shit besides straight up denial lol Maybe they wear a special kind of dressing underneath their clothes, or that's directly applied with their clothes. Maybe that's what that cute little backpack is filled with, who knows!!

Idk man. I'm sure the Aburame authority forces encourages many of their non-hive members to pursue medical nin training in order to give the clan more privacy in general too. All medics that claim the Aburame name are exclusively used by the Aburame Clan. A non-Aburame medic may end up healing tunnels and burrows that were meant to stay open because "oops" and now you have an X amount of insects possibly suffocating within a completely sealed pocket of the skin, and also now there's a very good chance that after those insects die, that whole area is gonna frickin' abscess and cause infection induced tunnels the longer it's left alone and GROSS THAT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN! THERE IS A DELICATE, ORGANIZED, SELF-SUFFICENT PROCESS TO ALL THIS!! A PROCESS!!!

Like... the other ninja in the NartVerse can make as many jokes, jabs, and comments about the Aburame as they please (INO? BITCH??? but to be honest I still love her lol). But these MFers are constantly playing Russian Roulette with these high maintenance demon spawn from hell, and there are VERY little defences against Kikaichu, virtually none. Like the only thing I've ever seen actively thwart Kikaichu across all media is killing them with mass fire, countering them with large amounts of poison gas (both very exterminator like) or literally just feeding them chakra until they're so stupid full, they can't move, the little gluttons. As far as genjutsu, it's been stated that it's both effective and ineffective, so idk about that. But the Aburame are just SO set up to be the living breathing embodiment of Shinobi as defined by the NartVerse. They're whole clan culture relies on the threat of enemies. If they have no enemies, the whole relationship is an exhausting endeavor for literally no reason. It's not worth it if there's no one to fight or protect! But when there is a threat, you want them on YOUR side.

I suppose the best bet is to incapacitate the Aburame individual asap and the Kikaichu will tend the individual, making escape easier. But, if you DID manage to kill that Aburame right away, that particular Aburame's swarm is now suddenly without its food source and without restraint.

What do you THINK is gonna happen, bro?? The second an Aburame loses their grip on their consciousness due to external influences, the bugs go bonkers because I'm pretty sure Kikaichu are simply persuaded to be in this relationship and have NO tolerance for bullshit like alcohol and overheating temps. If their Aburame dies, they probably cause just as much chaos as they would as a wild, unattended swarm. Then YOU BETTER HAVE fire or poison gas or SOMETHING handy. The only way to calm them down is to offer them chakra and a new host with equal or even more chakra reserves. Otherwise the mutineers must be eradicated.

And for serious... Like, any deeper and the kikaichu would be in the hypodermal/subcutaneous layer of the skin and that's where a lot of connective tissue is located. Let's NOT mess with that shit, shall we? NOT a good idea. It's called connective tissue for a reason first and foremost...

[inhonoredglory]

i dont think you ever received my last ask a while back, but now i gotta know what ur favorite duos are! (platonic or romantic!) - armin anon

o h mygod forgive me dear armin nonnie!!! the last weeks of school threw me off and then the trollhunters trailer hit and I got distracted. but I hope you’re still out there hearing my answer. I really have fun chatting with you, so thanks for this second question!

My favorite duos, oh gosh. I could even talk about my favorite trios, the character relationships in SNK are so well developed and rich.

Erwin and Levi

My top duo is of course Erwin and Levi. (My summer project is to make a receipts AMV of all the wonderful things Isayama and others have said about the pair.) Their closeness is something else, built on such mutuality, maturity, and love. Erwin looks like a devil to everyone but Levi, who sees his innocent humanity; Levi looks cold and unemotional to everyone but Erwin, who sees his compassionate nature. Erwin changed Levi’s worldview––allowing him to see beyond his own small world to a bigger one, where freedom was possible. Levi saw the darkest side of Erwin’s heart, and still trusted him implicitly, believing in him and selflessly giving up his own need for Erwin to stay in his life in order to give him peace and redemption instead. And as Isayama said,

“Levi had always seen Erwin’s goal of doing things for humanity’s future as an unimaginably altruistic act, and made it his life’s mission to reach the same heights.”

And with that final act of letting Erwin die, Levi did just that––become selfless in the hardest way possible. To let go of the person that gave your life meaning, because in death was healing, in death was innocence, in death was love.

Are they romantic or platonic? To me, love is beyond those labels. People can be romantic with each other and not really have real love. People can have real, dedicated love and never ever kiss or want to. Levi and Erwin share an undeniable soulmate bond, and while there is definite signs of romantic Eruri (Isayama hinting Levi’s type isn’t women, but tall people; Erwin getting flirty in supplemental short stories), to me the important part is that they are each other’s special person and that’s why I adore them so much.

(Artist: rozavay)

Jean and Armin

Because Jean and Armin were two of my first faves from the show, I naturally gravitated to the pair. What I adore about them is how much each one of them defends the other, desperately rushing to each other’s aid on the battlefield and trusting one another. Going through the manga, I found a really touching moment when Armin was fixing a prisoner's gag (the man who had sexually harassed him) and getting visibly disturbed. Jean felt that, and intercepted the moment, getting Armin out of that situation. Jean’s actually really good at detecting people’s emotions, so it was beautiful to see him sensitive and caring with Armin.

I don’t see them as romantic, but I enjoy some good Jearmin just the same, and there’s something to be said for Jean’s canonical jealousy of Armin spending so much time with Eren. Armin’s just that good a catch LOL.

Jean and Marco

Marco changed Jean’s life, gave him a reason to be more than himself. He believed in Jean, trusted him, and encouraged him. I find it incredibly moving that Jean keeps coming back to Marco to remind himself why he chose the life he did.

I totally got on board the ship with this amazing fic about the two of them: To Everything There Is A Season by flecksofpoppy

Canonically, I don’t believe it’s romantic, but they share the deep, beautiful bond of one person owing their entire life’s purpose and sense of meaning from the other.

(Artist: kaa05n2)

Bertholdt and Reiner (+Titan Trio)

Since Bertholdt was my bean in season 2, I really felt drawn to his relationship with Reiner. My sister loved Reiner too, so this duo was a good one for us both to enjoy. Bertholdt was always so insecure in himself, afraid to do or say anything in the big scary, foreign world he was dropped into as a child warrior. He relied on Reiner, and yet so often he couldn’t access him emotionally, since he was dealing with their tragic lives in his own way. He had to grow to be Reiner’s anchor, while still awash himself. They fought for each other more than for their homeland, fought for the things they both came to care about growing up on Paradis, and they were inseparable. Bertholdt risked his mission to see if Reiner was okay in the Return to Shigonshina arc, and he drew strength from Reiner’s trust in him to make his own choices and act on his own in that battle as well. As much as it pains me to see him fulfill his character growth in such a dark way, I still have a spot in my heart for him and his friendship with Reiner.

Levi and Furlan (+Underground Trio)

I got hit in the face with this relationship after I read the No Regrets manga, which shows so much more than the anime version regarding the equality in trust between Levi and Furlan. In the manga, Levi didn’t have subordinates (denying the term for them), he had friends who he had made his family. Levi bet all their lives on Furlan’s plan, and when he went on his first mission, he had such a falling out with him because Levi wanted to protect him and Isabel. Furlan was so grieved by the darkness in both Levi and Isabel’s hearts and put everything on the line because he believed he needed to get them out of the darkness of the underground. Their relationship is a beautiful insight into Levi’s early years and his inherent compassion and deep care for others.

^ The Levi Ackerman actually stopping to hearken to the command of someone else (who’s not Erwin lol), trusting in Furlan’s bigger plans with this stranger than just merely kicking him out, like Levi wanted to do.

Armin and Eren (+Shigonshina Trio)

The entire rooftop sequence and serumbowl shows how much Eren (and Mikasa) care and love Armin. In a way, Eren and Armin are the mirror for Levi and Erwin, with Erwin’s bigger dreams of the world outside the walls turning Levi’s motivations, built on tragedy, into something positive and forward-looking. Likewise, Eren’s darker need for anger and revenge is turned into something good and innocent when he shares in Armin’s dream. Armin’s hope makes Eren feel confident. He believes in him even when Armin doesn’t believe in himself. And of course, that painful way Armin tells him, “I’d never lie to you, would I?” because he knows Eren would never let him go through with his selfless mission if he’d known what he meant to do. To Eren, Armin is a better person than he’d ever be.

Now why couldn’t we have just ended the whole show right here lol?

Ymir and Historia

One of the few explicitly canon romantic couples in SNK! Their story is tragic, beautiful, and inspiring. Each one of them telling the other to be free of society’s expectations of them, to stop living for other people and to live for themselves––together. The change in Ymir, going from someone selfish to someone who would die for Historia’s happiness, is a gut-wrenching thing to watch. Their shared arc is complex, messy, and struck through by the goodness of a young girl who found the humanity in someone who never thought themselves worthy of love.

aaa I think that covers my favorite duos in SNK!

[cosmicjoke]

Well, there’s a book and a half to say about chapter 55 and 56 of Attack on Titan!  I’ll focus on 56, because the whole interaction between Levi and Historia, and that entire scene, is just packed full of so many important details.

 The first thing I picked up on, again, is how Levi takes the time to thank Nifa for riding all night to deliver them Erwin’s instructions.  It seems like a small moment, but Levi ALWAYS does this, and I feel like it’s really important to point out.  He’s the one character who consistently makes the effort to show his appreciation and gratitude towards others for doing a good job, or giving their best effort.  Just telling someone thank you like that can make a world of difference to them, especially when you’re dealing with a world of such desperation and extremity as the world of AoT.  So I just thought that was an important moment to note.

Another big deal in this chapter, I think, was Levi’s further interaction with Dimo Reeves, and the continued respect he shows the man.  Dimo says that him and his men will leave the room so that Levi can discuss the plan with his squad, but Levi insists that Dimo and his men stay, restating that that’s how their agreement works, that they don’t keep secrets from each other, and telling Dimo that he trusts him.  He reiterates this again when Dimo tries a second time to leave.  It speaks volumes about what kind of person Levi is, about his honesty and integrity as a person, that he’s treating Dimo and his men as equals, and including them in on the plan, and not just that, but the entirety of the situation, willing to reveal to them everything the SC knows.  He isn’t treating them as tools in Erwin’s plan, he’s treating them as partners, as people, and showing them respect by making them privy to everything that they’re getting into.  He’s showing Dimo complete trust here, when just a few days earlier they’d been on opposite sides.  Levi even takes the time to welcome Flegel, and once again reaffirm his trust in the Reeves Company.  I find this remarkable, this kind of respect and regard, and, really, this kind of deep humanity we see from Levi.  He treats Dimo and his son and his men with dignity, which is something nobody else has done for any of them in a long time, it seems.

Of course, this leads into the big scene between Levi and Historia.  I read a brilliant meta on this recently, where the writer pointed out that it’s significant that this scene takes place directly on the heels of Hange and Levi torturing Sannes for information on the Reiss family, because that experience directly influences Levi’s violent reaction and anger towards Historia here, and also explains why it is Levi forgot to tell his squad about who Historia really is, and the almost embarrassed look on his face when he realizes this.  Levi is still obviously bothered by what both he and Hange did to Sannes, enough so that he becomes distracted and forgot to reveal an obviously vital piece of information.  

What’s really interesting about this scene though is Levi’s reaction when Historia, initially, refuses to become Queen, insisting that there’s no way she can, insisting that she isn’t “fit”.  Levi gets about as pissed as we’ve seen him up to this point at this, and actually, physically attacks Historia by lifting her off the ground.  What’s interesting is Levi’s reasoning behind his anger.  Historia is being horribly timid and indecisive here, claiming she can’t be queen because she isn’t fit, essentially saying because she isn’t good enough.  This kind of timid shirking of responsibility, in the face of what Levi’s just had to do to get the information needed to perform a successful coup, would be pretty maddening.  He’s just had to dirty his hands by torturing a man, and here Historia is, flatly refusing to step up and make that experience mean anything.  We know how Levi can’t bear to let people sacrifice their lives for no reason.  I think the same applies here.  Levi can’t bear to have engaged in something as ugly and awful as torturing a man for information, with nothing to show for it in the end, with nothing gained for the effort.  Historia’s behavior here must seem to Levi very self-indulgent.  He goes into a long speech after he drops her, asking his squad members, after they yell at him for going too far, what all of them will be doing tomorrow.  Asking them if they think they’ll have food on their table, or if they’ll get a good nights sleep, or if the people around them will still be there.  He then tells them he never thinks so.  

Levi is essentially telling his squad that because of the world they live in, nothing is guaranteed, and nothing can be taken for granted, and the kind of fear they all live with of never knowing is something he wants desperately to rid the world of.  This life of being trapped and stuck and always living in fear and uncertainty.  There’s nothing worse than that.  He talks about being willing to be the one to do the dirty work, to get his hands dirty, in order to prevent anyone else from having to do the same, to have to carry the burden of that, and in order for the nightmare of their desperate existence to finally come to an end, to save everyone from having to sit there and worry if they’ll be able to eat the next day, or if their friends will still be alive.  Levi calls himself abnormal here, and says it’s probably because he’s seen so many abnormal things, but he’s willing to be that, willing to be the freak or the “bad guy” if it means no one else has to deal with it, has to go through such horrible experiences of loss and pain and guilt.   This, again, is an awesome example of Levi’s selflessness.  He knows everyone in that room is looking at him with revulsion and anger, that they think he’s being a terrible person and cruel.  But he doesn’t care.  He doesn’t care what they think of him in that moment, because the lives of so many other people are at stake, and he knows if Historia refuses to take on her role as Queen, so many more are going to die.  This coup is happening, regardless, because the standing Monarchy has proven itself unwilling to put the lives of the people ahead of its own interests, and without a peaceful transition of power to overthrow a corrupt government, more lives will be lost.  In the face of that, Historia’s meekness and uncertainty is glaringly petty and unimportant.  

I also think Levi is, again, pulling from his own experiences growing up, the poverty of living in the Underground and having nothing.  Being on the fringes of society and abandoned and uncared for by a ruling government, left to starve and rot beneath a thriving, wealthy capital.  Dimo later defends Levi when his son starts talking smack about him, and remarks that a man like Levi, who is awkward but kind, must have come from absolutely nothing.  He defends Levi to Historia too, telling her he might be scary, but he’s not a bad guy.  He calls Levi kind, even after what happened with Historia.  Because he understood Levi’s violence here, when no one else really seemed to.  He understood that it was coming from a man who had to fight all his life just to survive from one day to the next, never having any certainty in what tomorrow would bring.  He understood that Levi’s compassion towards the downtrodden, like the people of Trost now are, is coming from a place of personal experience, and so he knew Levi would keep his word to help them, even though he didn’t have to and it gained him nothing.  Because Dimo perceives that Levi knows what it is to have “absolutely nothing”, he then sees the genuineness of Levi’s compassion and the inherent kindness in him, and his sincere generosity and thoughtfulness, underneath his brusque and rude manner.  When Levi asks his squad if they think they’ll have food to eat the next day, or if they’ll sleep well, I think he must be remembering his life in the Underground, when even simple, basic staples of living like that were never a sure thing.  

Levi’s frustration and anger with Historia here is because he knows there isn’t any time for that kind of self-involved mindset.  Levi’s made sacrifices to get them to this point, as has Hange, as has the entirety of the SC, and Historia is threatening to render all of those sacrifices moot and meaningless because she’s... insecure.  Again, Levi can’t bear meaningless sacrifice.  So he gets incredibly pissed, and because, as always, Levi has so much trouble expressing himself through words, this is how he goes about trying to make Historia understand the importance of her part in this, how vital it is to so many other people’s lives that she step up and become Queen.  

It’s interesting too that this outburst on Levi’s part comes right after he expresses and shows so much trust and respect towards Dimo and his men, because it gives us such a clear picture into how Levi treats people with so much thoughtfulness and understanding for their position, but how he often struggles to express those things in words.  That, too, speaks the the kind of life Levi had growing up.  A world where social niceties and politeness were nonexistent.  Levi has such a pure, good heart, but he has no refinement or charm, and he’s no good at talking to people.  That inability to make himself clear or understood also leads to frustrated and angry outbursts like this, I think.  He wants Historia to understand, to realize how she herself is being foolishly selfish by letting her insecurity keep her from doing the right thing, but he doesn’t know how to make her see it, so he picks her up and yells at her.  

Anyway, that’s what I’ve got for these two chapters!  

Oh, and also on a side note, Armin was creepy as hell in chapter 55, lol.  Armin is an interesting character, because he seems so timid and nice, but he’s actually one of the most manipulative characters in the series.  Of course he’s one of the few that understood early on that in order to gain something, you have to be willing to make sacrifices too.  But his manipulativeness is a trait of his that sticks out pretty prominently at times, and so I always find it strange when people talk about what a sweet or caring person he is.  I do think Armin cares about his friends and comrades a lot, for sure, but he’s also a little scary in his deviousness, in how good he is at knowing how to get people to do what he wants.  

[percywinchester27]

@caughtaghostsomehow​ I’m just going to put it all underneath the keep reading, picking things from all of those reblogs cause why not!

Part 27: 

I understand why Max trusts Sam so much... Even after he initially failed him, he still kept his promise later on and he's been keeping it since.

The scene when Sam finds Max in the cell... Oh man.. I was angry at first, just like Sam but then my heart broke for this little boy. Sam and him needed each other. I think they may be soulmates.. The universe destined them to help each other out.

Yep. The reason why Sam is just so insanely careful about Max is because he how what it feels like to almost lose him. And the prison scene changed a lot since it was conceived. But I knew I wanted Max to start out as a physical kid and then grow out of it. He and Sam really were destined.

I'm so glad we got to see how Jody found out about the whole situation and I just love her more after finding out that she helped with the adoption (by the way, I love how thorough your research is 🧡).

I knew Dean would never give up on his brother but it just made me really emotional when he kept calling and Sam finally picked up and the first words out of Dean's mouth were "are you alright?". It got to me for some reason...

I thought it was logical to go to her for a lot of reasons- cause she is a legal writings professor, a close friend AND has experience with adoption as a single parent in the very same state. 

Awww... all the Dean parts get me. ALL of them. Especially here because they are so far and in-between in this story.

But Sam wanted his wife to trust him the same way. Unconditionally. He wanted her to trust him with fixing their life, dealing with their loss and grief and wanted her to trust him with rebuilding their life from before the accident.

This is you using my braincells by the way. Cause later on, someone points this EXACT same thing to the reader

I know I've said this before but it just keeps coming back to this in my head, she knew things couldn't be fixed because as much as she probably trusted Sam with her life, she understands that some things just aren't in anyone's control... And Sam wanted her to believe he could mend the wounds all by himself... It's sad and frustrating but I can't wait for them to have this conversation

I know you’ve read part 30 already and you know they touch on this very very briefly but they don’t really resolve this. It gets addressed specifically eventually. His ‘i could fix us’ vs. her ‘I knew you couldn’t.’ Does such for them though.

Chapter 28

Why do I have a bad feeling about that party?

Because. Same. Braincells. Lol.

I really wanted for someone to say that and Sam certainly needed to hear it and I'm so glad it was Chase who opened his eyes about this. He's absolutely right too, let the woman speak for her damn self instead of assuming how she feels.

Chase was me! Yelling at all these characters for not fucking listening to me haha... remember how I told you that people were suspicious of Chase? Yeah, after this chapter, everyone’s kinda adopted him. 

My emotions have been all over the place lately anyway but reading how Sam needed to compose himself before speaking about his son's death... I swear I don't have tears in my eyes while typing this- that was hard to read.

I'm glad Max knows... I don't know how much of it he understands but he's a clever boy, I'm sure he has at least a little bit better of an idea why this situation is so delicate.

Awww I’m so sorry I made you cry :/ But, well... Sam doesn’t grieve his son’s death the way the reader does. He’s always been more stoic. Besides, he had to deal with two griefs back then not just one... but I am sure it still hurts too much. 

I’ve left it to everyone’s imagination how much Max understands. He knows the concept of death for sure.... but his birth father had orgies at his house. We can all only hope that Max is completely shielded from that since he was using to hiding in closets when there were strangers in the house.

I was surprised by his question too but Sam's response was so... Loving. My heart can't take this.. He's such a great father...

Yep. I mean how else could he have reassured Max? His no lying policy is a great way to raise a child tbh. My sister does that with my nephew. That’s how I know.

Chapter 29

I really like Maddie, she's a genuinely sweet person, I love how helpful she tries to be and that she honestly wants her friend to be happy. I wonder what exactly went wrong during that party for her to look so dejected...

Maddie is nice. I was hellbent on making all of Sam’s canon Exes nice in this series. Cause I’ve had enough of reading the evil ex and current gf pitted against each other trope (Though I’ve never written it myself. Maybe I should and see for myself why it is so alluring lol.) I don’t know, maybe it was little a double prank thingy? Throw the reader in the water and be as mean to Madison as you can?

I really fucking hope that Brad gets what he deserves and that is to be kicked in the balls. Ever fucking heard the word boundary? Consent? I hate people like him with a burning passion and that whole situation infuriated and scared me in equal measure.

Yeah. That asshole needs to go down! His endgame has changed more than anyone elses in the story lol.

The fact that all of it came back to her the instant she hit the water made me sob. She wanted to protect her baby but there was no one there... I just- oh fuck.

Kay that part was HARD to write. All of it. Poor reader!

Was Sam the one to pull her out? If so then I don't even want to think about what would happen if he wasn't there, if they haven't made plans...

The way she started crying for their baby when she found her breath again made me cry even more... I don't know why I feel such a strong connection to this story and characters but I don't want them to ever feel pain like that again. It's heartbreaking 💔

Yeah that was Sam... I mean the pool was visible and all that. I mean of course you know. You read the next chapter. Why am I being a dumbass :/ 

Something had to trigger her trauma. It wasn’t going to come out on its own and And Sam loves her too much to force her to grieve. He barely held it together when she did grieve so well...

PS.: I'm really sorry you experienced drowning, it's a horrible thing to go through. I don't do pools- or really, any body of water, either. There's just something about the idea of drowning that unsettles me more than I can express.

Yeahh... God bless that lifeguard. Seriously. He’s the only one who noticed that I wasn’t coming up. It was night time and the pool was pretty dark so. I am so sorry that you don’t like pools, either. It’s terrifying.

Chapter 30

Firstly, Ria, you’re TOO GOOD to me, seriously! The fact that I could have you speechless is about the biggest complement you could’ve given me.

If you can call it that and at first when she asked him about the ring, I was surprised but my heart just sunk. I don't think either of them were in the right, I don't think they were both wrong either... I don't believe I'm good enough with problem solving to know what advice I'd give them but I do know that I have never experienced a feeling more cathartic than this one when reading. Twenty nine chapters leading to this moment... All the questions and pining and heartbreak. .. And sure, there's so much more they could say and there's so much more you talk about and figure out but as of right now... This is the beginning of the rest of their lives.

So, I think what she meant to ask was why did he just not give up on her, but she was tired and spontaneous and the ring question just tumbled out instead. I tried so hard for all their conversations to sound spontaneous and not rehearsed you know? Where they ended up touching on every aspect of the past? Cause that wouldn’t happen. It just wouldn’t. 

And THANK YOU for saying that. I swear to God, this chapter wouldn’t have made that impact if it hadn’t had a backing of 29 chapters. It would have royally fallen flat. Everyone was invested in the story by now and I was counting on it.

I didn't like how Sam got angry at first because I put myself in her shoes but the truth is, someone needed to get angry about something. One of them had to feel some type of overwhelming emotion to get here and it just so happened that it started with pain and landed on anger.

This is and SPN finale type of dilemma though. Like for the writers, they had to Kill of Dean first cause only Sam had the slight ability to move on. Sam way, I didn’t think the reader would have ever gotten angry first. She is so burdened by her own guilt (undeserved tbh) but she wouldn’t just lash out first. Sam had been angry at the start of the series and absolutely livid in their time apart. I just thought it would be easier for him to get mad first. Not defending his choices or whatever, just why I chose to make that decision as a writer. I would have been plenty mad a reader, too.

But the way they got angry wasn't a bad thing, their anger was based in how much they care about each other. Like the anger I would feel when one of my dogs ran just a little too far from me and a car was coming - took like fifteen fucking years off my ife istg. But I wasn't angry and screaming at them to make them feel bad, I was angry because I was so fucking scared that they would get hurt. The anger wasn't based in resentment, it was based in love. It's the same here and you can see it.

Jesus, I’m so sorry that happened with one of your dogs. Seriously. That sounds scary AF. I’m glad your dogs are okay.

Their anger isn’t destructive. It just isn’t. That much I’m pretty sure of. They’ve dealt with so much shit, and truly love each too much to actually hurt one another with words at this point. And it’s a good 10 chapters of journey where they deal with one issue after another to effing solve it like adults and not teenagers in throes of passion. I was like, nope! Not doing the passionate way. These two don’t get to be smart enough to get into Stanford and then be dumb like that and scream and yell and be jealous or irrational. It added a few chapters, but if I can be patient, so can be everyone else :P

The story she told about the cactus was not only a brilliant way to show her mindset and how people saw her over the years but also so fucking heartbreaking. On one hand you have this coworker who saw her and thought, "that person needs something low maintenance if they can care for something at all" and on the other - you've got this woman who tries her best to nurture this plant and help it grow and it ends up dying anyway.

That cactus one is inspired by real life event. And it seriously broke my heart to go through. Hoping each day that the last pod might live through :/ Like you said her co-worker wasn’t being mean, but it sucks that the cactus died anyway :(

Girl, you made my morning today. I woke up to your love and I just... you had me speechless. That chapter took a lot out of our branicells and I rewrote it so many times just to get it right for it to be respectful, vulnerable and cathartic at the same time. 

But may I ask you, WHY YOU WERE UP TILL 5:30 in the morning to read it? I have a timestamp thingy going for me, okay? I knew what time it was over there! And you gave yourself a migraine crying? OMG! I am so so sorry :/ Gosh. If I knew, you were going to binge it straight, I’d have warned you!

Seriously, Ria! Thank you seems like a small phrase. I will tell you this, I love you! So much!

[bthump]

What is your favorite, most dark/twisted griffguts scenario/hc/au or whatever?

dark and twisted eh? lol this is a question and a half. advance warning for a mention of consent issues.

This is a fic idea I’ve considered writing but gave up on pretty quickly bc I didn’t think I could do it justice lol. And also I never finish anything and this is a novel’s worth of material.

AU where the behelit is an ordinary apostle behelit, and also Guts’ instead of Griffith’s. It opens at pretty much the exact same time, after the rescue, when Guts sees Griffith attempt suicide and it hits him that it’s all his fault. He destroyed Griffith and there’s no way to fix this, no one to kill to make it better, he threw away the only thing he’s ever wanted.

So the Raiders followed him down to the lake, Casca and the rest of the Hawks stayed behind, and the behelit opens. Guts ends up sacrificing the Raiders for ~the power to fix his mistake~ and becomes a monster with magic healing abilities. Because I figure that if you’re not sacrificing the person you actually love most, then you need to compensate with quantity lol, and after all the Raiders were the example, alongside Griffith, of “the place [Guts] belonged,” which should count for something.

So the result of this is you got Beast of Darkness Guts who is basically fixated on Griffith. You got a Griffith who spent a year of torture thinking about Guts and realizing he’s desperately in love with him and is thus fixated on Guts. He’s also fully healed and has a super powerful monster under his command so he’s obligated to go back to pursuing his dream in some form or another.

The situation is Griffith as an unstoppable warlord leading an army that grows and grows as dissatisfied peasants join him and others see the way the wind is blowing and join him to back the right horse, and strikes fear into the hearts of nobility until he eventually takes Midland by force (which is doable bc it’s weakened by a century long war and also an insane king). He’s embracing his “cruelty” and doing whatever it takes to attain his dream which means stuff like executing nobles and whatever to send a message and strike first with fear and intimidation. He’s more distanced from the Hawks than he was pre-torture. His image is scary and ruthless and powerful.

On the flipside he’s super traumatized and emotionally vulnerable, like lbr he’s got complex ptsd and he’s devastatingly emotionally reliant on an apostle boyfriend which in no way helps, not to mention the issues he already had pre-torture like guit and self-loathing. And the whole point is that contrast. Like Griffith ordering fortresses to be burnt and razed to the ground vs Griffith being unable to sit too close to a campfire because sometimes the radiating heat gives him panic attacks. Griffith fighting effectively at the head of an army vs Griffith losing his grasp on the present in the dark and forgetting he’s not in a torture chamber. Part of why Griffith is more removed from the Hawks now is to keep these vulnerabilities hidden.

And wrt Guts and ~dark and twisted~ griffguts content, Griffith commanding a literal monster in battle vs Griffith, eg, never once saying “no” to him in bed bc he’s low key afraid Guts wouldn’t stop, both due to his own trauma and Guts being monstery, and he’d rather just never let that situation come up. Like, loving and needing Guts but being afraid of him after the apostle transformation, and denying that fear to himself. And it could vary. Sometimes being with Guts would be perfect, everything he wants, emotional and physical fulfillment, and sometimes it would pretty much be a form of self-harm. Sometimes he would crave sex and sometimes it would trigger him. Sometimes everything at once. That kind of thing.

And like lbr we’ve seen his inner darkness, Guts as an apostle would be a nightmare. He wouldn’t care about anyone except Griffith, possibly to the point of low key being a threat to the rest of the Hawks, and he’d be extremely possessive and needy. I don’t think he’d be like, completely out of control like the armour makes him, but I feel like his judgement would be shot, his impulse control would be shot, he’d have way more casual asshole tendencies a la Black Swordsman Guts (or even his imo insufferable cockiness post-vacation). He’d still have that eagerness to please wrt Griffith tho, so he wouldn’t be completely beyond Griffith’s control. He’d obey orders, at least to the same extent he did as an ordinary human lol, and he wouldn’t do anything to threaten Griffith’s image, his control and leadership over the rest of the Hawks, like insubordination or w/e. He likes the idea of Griffith being feared, and of being the only one (give or take Casca, probably) to see the vulnerable side of him. And he likes the idea of Griffith needing him to achieve his dream as well as needing him emotionally.

Like, in chapter 71 Guts basically realized that his desire to become Griffith’s equal by finding a dream of his own was stupid and doomed from the start, so I don’t think Griffith pursuing his dream again while he has no goals himself would bother him because now he knows how important he is to Griffith. And also I imagine post-torture Griffith would be willing and able to tell him that he values him over the dream. Even shares that it feels like an obligation to him. Like after that torture chamber monologue it’s easy to see him being more emotionally forthcoming with Guts, more revealing, more self-aware, at least in some ways.

They would both relish the sheer intensity of the others’ feelings for him, but Griffith would be afraid of his own feelings, how vulnerable they make him, and he’d be afraid of Guts’ literal monstrosity, both rationally because he’s a big undefeatable obsessive monster, and irrationally because apostles instill instinctive fear in humans. (That instinctive fear as symbolic of Griffith’s intense life-ruining feelings esp post-torture might be interesting tbh.) Guts would be afraid of Griffith hating him or growing indifferent, but as an apostle that would manifest in clinginess and possessiveness and a constant craving for proof of Griffith’s feelings. And for Griffith’s part he could take advantage of that in manipulative ways. Like I love the idea of an intense toxic relationship where the life-ruining feelings between them are occasionally weaponized by both.

Oh and you also got Griffith’s self loathing and guilt, and the knowledge that Guts became a monster entirely because of him, to help him, plus he rescued and healed him, and so he’d also be torn between feeling like he doesn’t deserve Guts, and feeling like he deserves Guts but in a penitent way, esp if he feels responsible for his monsterism, which he would whether that’s rational or not. Plus also feeling like Guts, as a monster who sacrificed a bunch of his friends to become one and now wreaks havoc in battle, is the only person who can understand him. “Do you think I’m cruel?” “What kind of question is that for the guy who killed a hundred men?” writ large. All the emotional dysfunctionality implied in that exchange taken to 100.

Griffith getting more ruthless and fucked up and taking comfort in a fucked up relationship with a literal monster as he pursues his dream. “You’re rough enough to share this with to the end.” Griffith in part relishing Guts’ monstrosity because it means they’re in this together. They’ll be together because who else would want them? Like a dark contrast to a happy Golden Age AU where Guts tells Griffith how he really sees him and it’s a step towards emotional healing and self love and whatever, this would be Griffith hating himself and being comforted by the thought that Guts is down in the dark with him. Dragging each other down instead of lifting each other up, yk.

(Guts tells Griffith he doesn’t regret it. This applies to both becoming a monster for Griffith’s sake, and leaving in the first place and all the destruction that caused, since it eventually led to both of them getting everything they’ve ever wanted. A kingdom, the Hawks, each other, everything worked out perfectly. Right?)

Also you have Casca and the rest of the Hawks for that excellent outsider/disturbed onlooker pov. Casca’s got her close relationship with both as well as her protectiveness of Griffith. Judeau’s got his detached perceptive observation. Corkus has his outrage and resentment. All good potential perspectives on this imo. Like eg imagine Corkus sowing discord by pointing out that they have no reason to trust Guts esp now that he’s a literal monster since he’s not even a Hawk after abandoning them, and they can’t even trust Griffith to keep him in line because lbr Griffith already fucked them all over once because of Guts.

Idk how it would end though. Something fucked up. Like say Griffith achieves the dream, settles into ruling, the realization that he only hates himself more than ever eventually creeps up on him, and he ends up goading Guts into killing him, like an impulsive and somewhat subconscious act of suicide. Guts becomes Zodd 2.0, wandering battlefields, looking for someone strong enough to take him out. Or maybe just living miserably ever after as Griff sets his sights on an empire (bc he can’t stop, bc as soon as he stops that’s akin to declaring that this end is worth all the deaths and pain and etc on the road to it, and nothing’s actually worth that, so he’s trapped and it sucks) would be a nice anticlimactic ending. Yk, something depressing.

Like overall it would be a giant trainwreck with extreme contrasts wrt power dynamics and emotions, which is basically my favourite kind of thing. Like there are definitely way more straightfoward ways to get dark and edgy griffguts lmao, like about a million post-Eclipse scenarios, but still it’s probably my favourite of the darker ideas I’ve had.

I just love the idea of post-torture Griffith + apostle Guts lol they’d be like the epitome of dysfunctional yet inseparable, and it’s a great starting point for compounding all of Griffith’s canon issues and exploring them.

[that-was-anticlimactic]

Y-you have Lloyd as Jake headcanons???? Do you mind sharing them?

heck yES

Okay so Imma start with some reasons why Lloyd is Jake to me

So, Jake says in Upgrade “my parents won’t be home so it’s all right, they laundered money now they’re on the run… which means the house is empty so that’s fun”

Jake’s parents are criminals and he’s alone, Lloyd’s father is evil and his mother left him at a boarding school for bad boys and essentially he is alone.

Both Lloyd and Jake essentially had no one to teach them and guide them in life, therefore both of them have trouble being a good person sometimes

Jake, for example, knows that Rich isn’t the best person, but he kind of just let’s him be an a-hole. Not to mention, when Jeremy is writhing in pain on the ground at Sabaro’s, Jake’s initial reaction is “the freak’s freaking out”

Lloyd, for example, was not the best kid (being left at Darkley’s didn’t help either), he was essentially / technically a criminal and thief and he didn’t always treat people the best.

After I Love Play Rehearsal, when Jake talks to Christine, he mentions how he feels the need to be the best all of the time, and how much pressure he feels to, essentially, be himself.

Lloyd is the freaking green ninja. He constantly feels the need to be the best and constantly feels pressured to be the best and to be strong and such.

They both feel like they have to be happy because you can’t be popular in school if you’re sad and you can’t save the world if you focus on your problems. You can’t lead after school activities or lead a team of ninja if you get too much in your head.

Speaking of activities, let’s talk about the fact that Jake literally does almost every after school activity and leads a good chunk of them. He most likely does this because he’d rather be at school all day long than in an empty house all by himself. He also throws parties that he invites so many people to, because he’d rather be with too many people than no one because he’s been alone so long. It’s a good distraction.

Lloyd distracted himself from absentee parents by trying to be evil, by absorbing himself into all of this evil business, into revenge, freeing the serpentine and pitting them against each other, even perhaps with comics and training later on.

They also both had a broken leg (or legs Jake sorry hun :/ ) at one point

Okay so I feel like Kai would be Rich and let’s be real here, Kai would burn down a house to save Lloyd in a heart beat (which is essentially what Rich did, he burned down Jake’s house to kill himself so that his SQUIP couldn’t control him and spread the SQUIPS)

Okay but Lloyd would dress like Britton Smith’s Jake rather than Jake Boyd’s Jake. Like, he’d start by dressing like Jake Boyd, with the red jacket and jeans, but when he grows more confident and more comfortable with himself, especially after the “SQUIP situation” (or Nadakhan situation because Nadakhan is the SQUIP to me lol) and he’d feel so much more comfortable being as colorful as he wanted!Lloyd isn’t as “smooth” as Jake, but he is definitely as adorably oblivious to some things

Speaking of, after the Nadakhan / SQUIP incident, he works really hard to be a better person and not to be as ignorant to the way people treat each other and how he treats people but sometimes he still falls into old habits and he can act like an a-hole towards others but he feels so trashy after he realizes what he’s done or when someone tells him

He moved in with Kai / Rich after the incident too, because he finally talked to someone about how much he hated being alone all the time

The whole gang is all about self-care and such now because they all realized how much they needed it because they can’t save the world and help each other if they can’t love themselves and Lloyd’s way of self-care (aside from moving in with Kai) is dropping activities and things that cause extra stress

On that note, if this AU is still kind of a high school AU then it’s clubs that he absorbs himself into (as well as thievery and young!Lloyd season one stuff), but if it’s not school, then along with the thievery and such he is still in like a bunch of clubs and teams like bowling or a book club as well as working like three jobs because he’s alone in the world, but drops almost all of it (aside from a job) so that he can take time to do other things that he needs to do and and get his life back on track. He still has fun, he just makes sure that he doesn’t try and do everything just for the sake of not being alone, because he realizes that he’s not anymore

Even though he had the jobs, he still did (borderline) illegal things because he wanted to impress his dad and maybe his mom (he knew nothing about her, for all he knew she was evil too, she did drop him off at Darkley’s) but he didn’t want to be a complete thief because at the same time he really didn’t want to be like them because they left him and so he stopped himself from being terrible

He still struggles with not focusing on living up to standards that the world and his title as the Green Ninja created for him. His friends help him with that as much as they can but taking the pressure off of his shoulders is hard

It’s also a little scary for him because all of his life he knew he had to be this, and act this way, and just be the way the world perceived him because of his dad and his title as Green Ninja, and attempting to break free from that and be more relaxed and more openly him and not what everyone wants him to be is difficult.

(I love the word essentially in case you couldn’t tell) That’s the most I think I can like… articulate right now? I’m having trouble wording some of it, particularly the happier ones- a lot of these were kind of sad??- maybe I’m just more tired than I thought lol, but I can picture it all so clearlyyyyyyy! I hope those made sense? I like… lived in a BMC / Ninjago AU for a solid few weeks straight and I still think about it a lot so I have a lot of feels and opinions on this! (also Jake Dillinger is like… my 1.5 favorite BMC character for so many reasons and I’ve done character analysis’ on him so many times like when I’m driving I’ll speak them to myself or I’ll think about it as I fall asleep or in the shower or during school when I daydream… I love this boy he’s so underrated !) ((actually… I don’t think I’ve ever fully written one out for him… I know I’ve written an eight aged long Chloe analysis / oneshot type thing but I don’t think I’ve ever officially done Jake… I’ll have to do that someday…))

anyWAYS I love my boy Lloydie-G (thank you for that so much by the way I love it ahh) and I hope that made a lick of sense! Have a great night or day or whatever time it is for you when you read this :)

(this is what I mean by Britton’s clothing vs. Jake Boyd’s red jacket and jeans and tank tops and stuff. Like I can see Lloyd in those, but like… I get more of a Britton Jake vibes more than Jake Jake vibes) (BUT I LOVE BOTH VERSIONS OF JAKE EQUALLY BECAUSE THEY ARE BOTH EXTREMELY TALENTED AND BOTH STYLES ARE AMAZING AND FIT AND I LOVE OKAY BYE)

[kaepop-trash]

Resurrection In Satisfaction: Epilogue

Rated: Angst

Pairing: JaehyunxReader

Summary: Jaehyun knew better. Yet he felt himself falling back in the loop he thought he was out of, and he loved how satisfying it was.

(A/N): Sorry this was the secret I made you wait so long for. I just wanted it to be perfect so I kept re-reading and tweaking. Anyway, I’m satisfied with this (lol see what I did there). I hope you like it, let me know what you think as well please?

Mini Masterlist

The first thing she wanted after she got off the flight was to get back on it. But the part of her that had seen age and experience made her refrain. The second thing she wanted was a large coffee to avoid the previous day's exhaustion from catching up. There was a strange feeling in her stomach as she waited for her beverage.

She was nervous. 

Six years was a long time to have a reunion with friends and have it not be awkward. But she was also bubbling with excitement, her lips turning up at the thought. 

Her best friend was getting married.

The second last thing she expected was a voice calling her name in the middle of the busy airport, her head turning automatically, spotting a familiar figure waving at her. Yuta waved her over with imminent excitement. 

The last thing she expected was Jaehyun being with him.

“We just landed, oh my god look at you.” He hugged her tightly, holding her back like he was getting a good look. Yuta’s familiar wide grin laced with nostalgia, “You look so important.” He exclaimed, looking unbelievably proud.

“I had a meeting right before my flight, I had to rush.” She explained.

“Yeah, you must be busy designing a hotel.” Yuta teased and she smiled.

“It's satisfying.” She admitted.

“How are you?” His voice winded her in a way she wasn’t expecting.

“Good, it’s been good.” She said with a gentle smile. His lips lifted in the corner like he believed her.

“It’s very good to see you again.” He gave her a reserved hug. It amazed her how he still smelt so familiar, even with the addition of expensive cologne in exchange of generic deodorant.

“Let’s go, we have a busy day.” Yuta grinned loudly, his excitement spreading to them naturally.

The first person to greet them when they reached the hotel was Mark, sitting at the bar with a girl he seemed to be talking to. When he noticed her, his eyes went wide in a way that reminded her of the younger mark she knew. He raised his arm and waived, grinning in his typical fashion and she waved back.

“I need to go talk to the restaurant manager.” Yuta said as they stood at the reception, “Both your rooms are on the same floor, you should go rest a little.” Yuta nodded as he checked the room numbers and handed them their cards.

“You’re already acting like a diligent husband.” Jaehyun wondered out loud.

“He’s almost grown up.” She exclaimed and Jaehyun nodded in agreement.

“I’m going to be married soon, don’t your single asses have any plans?” Yuta flicked invisible hair off his shoulder.

“I’m a strong independent women!” She gasped.

“I’m married to my team.” Jaehyun explained, both of them turned to him with a weird gaze.

“If someone doesn’t know that you’re the manager of a basketball team, that’s just weird.” Yuta mumbled regretfully.

They left Yuta behind, reaching the elevator. Till they were about a quarter way up, it was silent. The tension of time in between them like an elephant. It was a few floors later that the elevator stopped to reveal Doyoung, his arm around the waist of a girl. He let her waist go but realised it was too late, sighing.

“Why is it always the both of you.” He groaned, stepping back and letting the door close, not getting on the elevator. There was another momentary silence.

“Isn’t that Yuta’s fiance”s sister?” She asked, both of them bursting into laughter when he nodded.

“And here I was worried about all the things that changed.” She said between laughter.

“Not where it counts clearly.” He grinned at her, an illicit shiver running up her chest.

Yuta came downstairs, reiterating to Haechan the duties as his best man.

“I choose you because you’re smart, all of you were equal candidates. Don’t disappoint me young one.” Yuta said seriously and Haechan rolled his eyes.

“You choose me because Jaehyun and Doyoung didn’t want you as their best man. I know what I have to do, don’t mock me.” Haechan scoffed and Yuta took an offenced step back.

“Where is Jaehyun anyway, I need to give him the ring.” Yuta frowned, Haechan looked around the lobby, his eyes landing on the bar.

“He seems to be talking to (Y/N), maybe tell him later?” Haechan grinned and Yuta shook his head.

“Look at them!” Yuta didn’t really sound mad as he watched Jaehyun and her laugh at something, her leaning in into him with familiarity. Jaehyun’s eyes traced her smile as she put a hand on his shoulder and laughing about something he said.

“Nine years and they find my wedding to fall in love!” He slapped his arms against his hips in a manner of tantrum but grinned widely.

She was talking to the would be bride at the rehearsal dinner as she insisted on knowing what Yuta was like in University.

“Did he ever do anything scandalous?” She asked with a grin.

“Nope, sadly this lady here took up all the scandal for our household.” A voice spoke from behind making (Y/N)'s eyes go wide as she turned around.

“With that lovely gentleman over there of course.” Johnny pointed at Jaehyun across the room. She was about to embrace Johnny but slapped his chest instead, making him wince but laugh.

“How are you shorty?” Johnny patted her head making her scoff.

“I can't believe you. You convince me to come and then I get here and you're the only person missing.” She glared at him playfully.

“I have a business to run. Plus I heard you're doing just fine.” Johnny winked making her eyes go wide and her face blush a deep red.

“It's nothing like that, we're just all old friends catching up.” She brushed it off.

“No we're old friends catching up. Old friends don't look at you the way Jaehyun is looking at you right now. Don't look.” He warned, holding her shoulders. Yuta's fiancée beside them laughed, searching into her bag and pulling out something.

“Here.” She said, producing a mirror in front of her. She tried to look incredulous but let curiosity take over and glance into the mirror. Truthfully enough, Jaehyun stood by looking towards her with eyes lost in time.

She sat in one of the chairs, the pleasant warm air of April perfect for an outdoor wedding. The cherry blossoms floating definitely added to the romance in the air. Yuta’s mother noticed her sitting, far more behind than she liked, and insisted she come sit in the front.

“He’s as much family to you as me,” Was her warm reasoning. “At least the boys get so be out front.” She winked and (Y/N) could only laugh, getting up to follow her.

She was transfixed by the sheer beauty of her surroundings, as Yuta’s mother recalled all the stories her son had told her every oppurtunity he got.

“He always says that he’ll never find people like you out in the world.” She said and she nodded, an odd feeling in her chest at the idea.

As they talked, a slow music started in the air, her eyes drifting towards the end of the aisle, where all her friends walked out in impeccable tuxedos, joined in the end by Yuta who looked like the happiest man on earth as he came and stood by the priest.

She smiled at the sight with pride, heart swelling for his happiness. As her eyes scanned the rest of his groomsmen, all of them with the same smile on their face as hers. When her eyes landed on Ten, he winked at her and looked away right after, as the bride entered. Her eyes went wide but she smiled, her eyes next drifting to Jaehyun who was laughing at Ten.

When their eyes met, Jaehyun’s smile turned strange. A unique blend of bliss and regret combined and made her chest churn in a way she hadn’t felt in a long time. She gave him a weak smile, it was hard but she also looked genuine. His lips moved silently and she laughed, he said she looked beautiful. She mouthed a shy thank you and Jaehyun’s lips split into a grin.

“Can you both flirt later I need my ring.” Yuta’s voice made them both turn, the crowd giggling gently as they peeked to see who he was referring to. She looked away with a red face, as Jaehyun fumbled and transferred the ring to Yuta who winked at him. They both tried desperately to not glance at each other.

.

“You make me want to be a better man. You make me want to grow up and do things like pay my taxes right and get a mortgage. It's so scary, but it's also the reason why I wouldn't spend the rest of my life with anyone else.” Yuta's grin grew wider as his vows made his soon to be wife tear up in front of him, “I knew you were the one when I realised that there is no one else in the world I'd want to make shitty breakfast for. I knew you were the one when you slipped in the shower and I thought I would lose my mind because you were in so much pain. I am the person I am because of you and I'm the luckiest man in the world because you said yes. Also you're an ugly crier but I accept you with all your flaws.” Yuta scoffed at his bride, making her hit his arm playfully. All around other people who slowly sobbed let out a chuckle too, people who knew Yuta were more accustomed and rolled their eyes with it. Soon enough the rings were exchanged and the ceremony was over. (Y/N) stood watching the people around her as Taeyong joined beside her.

“Have you seen my daughter?” Taeyong asked and she smiled, pointing at Jaehyun's figure with Taeyong's toddler in his arms.

“Was he always that good with kids?” She wondered out loud and Taeyong chuckled.

“He's good with her. My daughter is mostly quiet and he's had many occasions with her. Jaehyun is really a saviour sometimes.” Taeyong informed and she chuckled.

“I remember when Jae called me that one summer because he had to babysit his cousin and he panicked.” She laughed.

“He was a child himself then. So were we.” His words felt more meaningful with his gaze and her small smile let him know she caught on, “This one instance, I had to leave urgently in the evening for a meeting and she was home alone for the longest time. I left a window open by mistake and she was barely two. If Jaehyun hadn't come in time and taken her to the hospital my daughter wouldn't be here now. He stayed with her through the night because she kept crying.” Her smile fell at the guilt in his eyes

“Being a single parent doesn't sound easy. You're doing a fine job” She noted, giving him a reassuring pat on his shoulder and Taeyong only smiled.

“It's not, but it's a reward in itself. She's my whole life.” Taeyong said without hesitation.

“It must be nice to love someone that profusely.” She didn't even register her own lingering gaze on Jaehyun, Taeyong just smiled.

“You tell me.” He grinned, winking when she turned his way with pink cheeks.

The reception went by in a flash and the old friends sat in the corner of hotel bar, with a new person amongst them.

“I have to ask. How did Na Yuta manage to deceive such an amazing girl to spend the rest of her life with him?” She asked as she sipped on her drink. Yuta's wife only laughed.

“Because I'm amazing, and I'm married. Isn't that great?” Yuta displayed his occupied ring finger and everyone laughed at his excitement.

“But honestly, who thought Yuta would be the first one to get married.” She said and everyone had to nod.

“We always thought it would be Taeyong.” Haechan said, amused at Yuta's defensive face, “Instead he just graduated straight to parent.” Haechan grinned wide knowing that he teased Taeyong.

“But it was me.” Yuta said pointedly, “I got married. And stop judging our Yongie, he’s a great dad, I’m taking lessons.” He winked at his new bride, whose eyes went wide with shock and everyone laughed.

.

A few hours had passed and Yuta's wife excused herself to go talk to other guests as they still stayed and catch up.

“I think I owe my marriage to Jae.” Yuta said making him laugh. She turned to Jaehyun with a confused smile and he grinned.

“The first day I met her, I was blown away. I told Jaehyun that man I want to make this last but I don't know how.” Yuta grinned so wide.

“Jaehyun says, don't sleep with her.” Everyone at the table laughs at the story while she listened with intrigue, “He told me, if you want it to last, wait for three dates. If you realised that you want to, she's definitely the one.” Yuta grinned again and Jaehyun smiled.

“Thanks bud, kind of owe you my marriage.” Yuta said gratefully and everyone laughed again.

After a while Yuta left, promising to meet at breakfast and tell everyone what being married felt like.

“How's work?” Jaehyun asked her and the small smile on her face was an answer in itself. They lingered on the way to the elevator, no excuse needed as they spoke.

“Satisfying. I love it, building something to last beyond me.” She smiled wider, turning to face him, “How is managing a professional team?” She asked.

“Just what you'd expect. I finally know how Taeyong felt having to take care of all of us.” Jaehyun laughed, “But it's nice, I always loved the sport and this way I get to be close to it. It feels great when I can help the players in anyway. Most of them are so young and lost, they need someone to ground them around all the money and fame.” She smiled in a peculiar way at his words, making him tilt his chin in question. They turned to knowing ding of the elevator, a wash of disappointment rushing over them. Still they got on, continuing their catching up.

“You've really grown into an admirable man Jaehyun, age is on your side.” She nodded.

“I've learned a lot from life. I was lost and I found myself, I nursed heartbreaks and fell in love again, I've seen the world and met different people.” He paused and took a deep breath.

“I'm happy for you.” She said mystically.

“You were right about me needing to grow,” He began, and she looked up and listened intently. “But you were wrong about something else.” He said, a smile already adorning his features. She asked him what it was and he smiled secretively, turning to the door as their floor arrived.

“I didn't realise it till I saw you at the airport.” Jaehyun looked away, neck red from embarrassment, walking out the elevator.

“With all the wisdom of age, I still couldn't see us as a impulsive mistake.” He bit his lip and she was taken aback, not because he was wrong. But because she didn't think he'd say it. As she felt, but she didn't have the courage to say it.

“What about you? When did you know?” Jaehyun asked casually, allowing the air to remain clean as they reminisced.

“The first time I thought I fell in love, I found myself comparing him to you. It was horrifying.” She laughed and Jaehyun joined, “But that's when it hit me.” She nodded and Jaehyun smiled.

It was simple, it felt easy. Jaehyun walked her to her hotel room, their steps were deliberately slow as neither of them spoke in their contemplation. When she stopped in front of her door both of them lingered, but she knew it was her turn.

“Can I ask you something?” She asked and Jaehyun nodded, her face turning hot and red as she grinned.

“I have three more months with the project I'm working on right now and then I'm back home. Will you go on a date me after that?” She looked away, covering her face with her hand.

“One condition.” He grinned too and she complied.

“We won't sleep together till the third date.” His smile was meaningful and she nodded, the fresh possibilities exciting her.

It had been all but a few minutes after Jaehyun left her at her door that there was a knock on her door. She was still grinning so wide her face hurt, as she answered the door. Jaehyun leaned in from the door but she reflexively stepped back making him stumble and almost fall, but she grabbed his arm.

“What are you doing?” She asked as he stood up straight. His ears turned a bright shade of red and he stumbled over his words before stopping with a sigh.

“I wanted to be suave and kiss you. That didn't work.” He mumbled looking away. Her grin turned into a smirk, her eyes glittering.

“That's cheating.” She said and Jaehyun looked up and shook his head.

“It's not, I made the rules.” He pointed his fingers upwards, she followed it with her gaze but looked back at him. He slumped back down when she was still unconvinced.

“Just one?” He grinned.

“No.” She shook her head and he pouted. She watched him for a second, before leaning in and leaving a peck on his cheek.

“That's all you'll get, take me on three dates Jaehyun.” She spoke to his wide eyed face before closing the door, leaving him there wondering how he'd get her even.

[anodyne-sunflower]

Love me like you do (Part 14)-Balem series

A/N: This took a while to write, and I’m not sure it’s good…but fuck it lmao I read through half of it. But, if it has mistakes later on (like cock being autocorrected to coco…..) my apologies, but hey, free laughs, right? Lol Hope y'all enjoy.

***

A mistake. That’s all it was, a simple faux pas that would probably earn you a death glare and a toss right outside his clipper. At least, that’s what you expected. You believed no one ever laid their hands upon the First Primary, especially in moments of sympathy. Yet, here you sat, upon his bed and offering him your hand in comfort. It was a dangerous action, and you could feel his body stiffen beneath your palm even under all that golden armor. But, no matter what your mind said, you couldn’t bring yourself to move. Perhaps, it was the fear of his reaction keeping you still, but you left your hand there, heart pounding wildly. And as you bit your lip, you closed your eyes, thinking it was best to stay quiet as well.

But, what on earth were you thinking earlier? How did this even seem an appropriate reaction to his rage? For gods sake you had seen him deal punishments to those who angered him before, why would you be any different? In hindsight, you should’ve guessed this was a waste of your own time and emotions. Balem wouldn’t take kindly to your pity, after all he was a prideful man.

With a soft release of breath, you moved away, keeping your eyes fixed on the black nothingness of space passing by the window. You didn’t want to look at Balem, but the heat of a stare bored into your side, and you slowly looked up at him. He was staring over his shoulder, features set in confusion and a seriousness that made your skin crawl.

It felt like forever, just staring into one another’s eyes, but his gaze was so fierce it nearly stole your breath away.

“I-…”

You licked your lips, and withdrew your hand as slowly as possible from his back. And as your fingertips slipped from the armor, he swiftly turned, fingers wrapping harshly around your wrist. You winced at the pressure of his hold, letting out a gasp as you looked up at him in shock.

“Sorry!”

It was all you could think to blurt out, mildly nervous at his intense glare. He seemed odd to you, not fully angry at your thoughtless action, but more so perplexed at it. Like his own mind was racing with ideas behind your sentiments.

“I’m sorry…”

You whispered it out this time, trying to make him calm down and realize that you meant nothing behind it. A simple human habit was all it was, and if that’s what it took to convince yourself as well then so be it.

Balem eyed you warily, his grip loosening as he looked away from you. With a sigh, he rubbed his forehead, willing away the tension headache he felt coming on. Between his brother and sister, he left feeling less than content with life. If there was any consolation to the evening, it was the food, drink, and the company of his current desires.

At the thought of you, he looked back, eyes moving to the wine and glasses set on the table. He waved his hand towards it, gesturing for you to retrieve it for him and went back to rubbing his temple in annoyance, eyes closed in an attempt at relaxation.

“Wine. Now.”

Deep down you wanted to refuse, mainly because you were tired of his demands. And yet, the fact that he didn’t grow angry at your earthling emotions, as he always put it, was enough to make you give in and do as you were told. It was funny, really…how this rapport between you two developed. Sure, you still went along with most of his insane rules around the alcazar, but you always felt this ease between you both. As if Balem was willing to allow you more flex room than the others. You ventured a guess that it was because of your intimacy, yet…

You looked back at him, pouring some wine into a glass as you observed the Primary. His shoulders sagged a bit, conveying his exhaustion, and you felt that same pang of guilt forming in you. Why his emotions fell heavy on you was a mystery, but you sighed and placed the bottle back down before walking back to him. Delicately, you sat down next to Balem, dress cascading over your legs as you crossed them. You inched your hand over, offering him his wine as he glanced up from his lap and took it.

Maybe it was the fact your little slip up earlier didn’t gain you a punishment, or maybe it was the sip of wine you stole from his glass. But, as he leaned back, taking a chug of his wine, you scowled deeply and spoke up.

“A thank you would be nice…” It was more of a half joke, like you were testing the waters and seeing how far your attitude could take you with him.

Balem’s lips stilled on the rim of the wine glass, his eyes narrowing towards you. That fear built up again, but after weeks and weeks of putting up with a royal like him, you grew slightly tired of it. There had been moments before, when you glared, cursed under your breath, or even denied him the pleasure of his demands. They never ended well, usually he’d bark his order out again, or give you this warning look that always managed to get you to do whatever he was asking. But, you were growing bolder around him, at least that’s what you told yourself…just now. If he could whisk you away to a beautiful ball, then there had to be some leeway there…right?

“Mind your manners, little bird.”

You gritted your teeth, completely fed up with him sometimes. It was amazing, almost laughable, how easily his moods shifted. Not to mention how easily yours shifted around him as well. There were those times you admired the man beneath all the rage, pride, and greed. Just like your dance, a side of him you never expected to see. It charmed your heart, admittedly, but it seemed that was a part of him he wasn’t willing to share often. It was a disappointing thought, but you willed it away when you glared back at him with equal fervor.

“I’m sorry your family sucks…” Probably could’ve been more eloquent, but your anger mixed with your own confusing emotions and all you wanted was for him to learn the meaning of relaxation. Especially if it got him off your back. “But, we can’t pick our families. We just have to learn to live with or without them.”

You moved away from him, creating a small distance between your bodies as you rubbed your face in frustration and pain. This conversation was taking a turn you hadn’t expected. And while you truly did feel for him and his odd family dynamics, it only brought back memories of your own family. They were never perfect people, in fact they were far from it. But, you could only deal with their problems so much before it became a struggle for you. Sometimes it’s easier to cut ties, and while that weighed heavily upon your shoulders, it was by far the best decision you had made.

“Never mind…” You pushed the subject away, rising from the bed and moving back towards the wine. It wasn’t your favorite drink, but damn did you want a glass right now. You carefully poured the contents out of the bottle, almost filling your chalice to the rim. Besides, you were sure Balem had an endless stock back home of his favorite wine.

You brought the glass gently to your lips, parting them and taking a quick sip. You made a face at the bitter taste that hit your tongue, but it was better than nothing and it settled that nervous feeling that began to flutter up in your stomach. You were never one to talk about your issues, but Balem just knew how to draw out information from people, whether he actually asked or not. It was almost scary.

Balem watched you, a hint of interest coming to his features. It was a rare occasion when you actually spoke up, the majority of the time he was used to you muttering softly whenever he beckoned you for something. A trait, he had to admit, he was rather fond of. There was something endearing about the way you frowned, pouted or just glared his way. It was a reaction he wasn’t used to with the other servants or women he chose to entertain for the night back then. They nearly begged, and whined for his affections. They even settled themselves for a single ounce of his attention, negative or otherwise. But, you? You were a woman who held herself to a higher regard, one he found equally frustrating and, quite frankly, arousing.

He rose from the bed, glass of wine still in hand as he strode towards you. He kept silent, eyes roaming along your body as you sulked in the corner. It was odd, yet he found himself alarmed by your demeanor. You were quiet, head hung low, it reminded him of the very first time he saw you in his chambers. Like a frightened little bird…so far from home and unaware of the vastness of the universe. He didn’t care for it, it irked him to no end and he found himself growing increasingly annoyed by the silence. A rarity for him.

He stopped just at your back, mere inches separating your bodies. Leaning forward, he placed his glass down upon the table, his arm coming to wrap around your waist.

“Little dove…”

Balem’s voice stole you from your thoughts, making you turn quickly to stare up at him. His face was set in his usual stoic nature, except his eyes were far too expressive to ignore. You raised your brow in question at him, blushing softly when he leaned down for a kiss.

“Mm.”

You gasped into his lips, not expecting the sudden tenderness he was displaying towards you. But, he didn’t seem to care for your shock, he simply retrieved the wine from your hands, putting it next to his own glass before turning you around in his arms. He pulled you closer, mouth moving passionately against your own as he led you towards the bed.

Every time you thought his seductive nature couldn’t trap you, he went and did it again. Not a surprise really, you had grown accustomed to his ways. You knew this was Balem’s idea of relaxing, it was often that the man was stressed beyond the normal realms. And after dealing with numerous meetings, and the refinery he often sought you out for a much needed night in. But, there was something different this time, a sudden care behind his touch that made you pull away and glance up at him.

Between your breathless pants, and your blushing cheeks, you tried to get your words out. But, Balem merely smirked down at you, cupping your cheek and brushing his thumb along the reddened skin. He admired you for a moment, taking in the tempting features of your face before he dipped down once more. His lips grazed yours in a soft kiss, eliciting a pleasured sigh from you.

“Draw me a bath, my little bird.”

His words caught you off guard, and for a second you wanted to snap back, thinking this was part of his little game all along. Yet, his eyes betrayed that thought, and when you looked up he was gazing down at you in a way you hadn’t seen before. He was planning something, but there was a desperate need behind that stare that made your breath catch in your throat.

“As you wish…my lord.”

You said it with a hint of playfulness, something that wasn’t lost on the Primary. But, it pleased him all the same, and as you walked away from him his lips curled into a small smile.

“Careful, little bird.”

You couldn’t help but smile at his warning, knowing fully well he meant nothing sinister by it. As fearsome as the Head of the Abrasax family could be, you never truly felt under threat. There were times he frightened you, mainly due to his anger towards others, but around you he eased up. At least as much as he was able. And after getting away with touching him earlier, you felt like you had grown a tad closer to the proud man. Something you still found surprising.

You kneeled down next to the wide bath that ran along the large windows of his ship. Pulling on the golden faucet and watching as the already warmed water spilled from it, and filled the marbled bottom. Steam began to rise in the corner of his ships chambers, slightly fogging the glass of the windows.

In the background you could hear Balem undressing, the sound of his armor hitting the floor reverberating off the walls. As much as you admired his well built body, the idea of sitting around as he bathed seemed rather awkward. And as the heat of the steam wafted around, it caused a comfort to grow inside you. One that just beckoned you to dive in and relax back into the warmth.

You stood back up, lifting each leg to remove your heels and tossing them aside. Judging by his heated gaze earlier, you assumed taking a bath was something he wanted to enjoy together. And before you could turn around, you felt his hands run along your back, caressing you through your dress.

You closed your eyes when his fingertips slid up your arms, that familiar need building deep inside you. His presence alone was enough to make you shiver in delight, and when his palms rested upon your shoulders he grew closer. His bare chest pressed into your back, breath tickling your ear as he leaned down.

“Join me.”

Even if you didn’t care for a bath, with his lips and hands running along your skin, it was hard to deny such a request. He was slowly undoing the back of your dress, expert hands running along the ties and silk. Even you weren’t aware how this garment worked, yet he seemed so confident in what he was doing.

His fingers slipped beneath the cape of the dress, pushing it off your shoulders gently until it fell in a heap to the floor. Every article of clothing that left you increased your anticipation, your heart was nearly pounding at this point. But, every movement he made was far too sensual, too seductive, that it left you breathless for more.

“I can hear your heart beating.” His lips caressed your ear lobe, teeth nipping tenderly at it. He adored the effect he had on you, knowing fully well you were already squirming in front of him in need. And though he wanted nothing more than to throw you on his bed and take you, he rather enjoyed taking his time as well. Seeing you come undone before him, nearly begging, it was a delight, a simple power play that made him growl and want you that much more.

Balem grabbed the dress, pulling it roughly down and leaving you completely exposed to him. You moved to cover yourself, despite the fact he had seen you naked plenty of times already. But, you could feel that fierce gaze upon you, and it always served to make you simultaneously excited and nervous.

“Balem…”

You moaned his name out, caving to his touch as he wrapped his arms around you. His bare body was pressed against your own, hardened length brushing along your backside. You could feel his chest heaving, his own arousal beginning to become too much for him. He wanted you, and you had no issues surrendering yourself to him. You had given up on denying your obvious attraction to the Primary, differences aside he was a proper lover. And you weren’t willing to part with that half of your relationship. Morals be damned, you had needs too, and if this man knew every way to fulfill them…then you’d let him.

“Hmm?”

Balem nuzzled your neck, trying to control his desires as you arched into him more. The pressure on his cock was driving him insane, and he wanted so desperately to be inside you. But, when you turned to look up at him, he just wished to please you, slowly and in anyway possible.

“Come.”

He moved away, leaving a quick kiss upon your shoulder before he walked into his bath. The water lapped around his thighs, barely covering the end of his need. It was an enticing view, and you worked to remove all your jewelry before joining the Primary.

You dipped one foot in, immediately reveling in the heat of the water. It was heaven, and you quickly swam to the far side of it, loving the view of space as you neared Jupiter once more.

Balem watched you, his darkening eyes traveling the expanse of your nude body as he began to wade through the water. You could see that familiar predatory gaze he had, your legs instinctively moving you back as he stalked over to you. He had you backing up into the large windows, overlooking space and illuminating you both in the light of the stars. But, there wasn’t anywhere else to go, he had you where he wanted, and when your skin pressed into the cool glass you held your breath.

“Are you afraid, my little bird?”

You shook your head, pushing some wet strands of hair from your face as he grew closer. “No.”

“Then why do you run?” He smirked, stopping just in front of you and placing both hands up against the window. He trapped you there, leaning down as he nuzzled your noses together in a possessively sweet manner. It was a gesture that made you laugh softly, something you hadn’t expected from a man like him, but you quickly caught yourself and stayed quiet. But, he seemed to find pleasure in that, his features softening just a bit as he closed the distance and kissed you.

It was hard enough keeping himself in control during the ball, but now having you here, wrapped in his arms and whimpering. It was more than he could take, he needed something, anything to hear you moan his name and part your lips in pleasure.

Balem’s hands slid down your back, cupping just behind your thighs as he lifted you up. You grabbed his shoulders in mild surprise, looking down at him as he just chuckled and placed you on the edge of the bath.

“What are you-”

“Shh.”

Balem hushed you with a kiss, hands now resting on your slick thighs as he began to part them. He could almost feel the heat of your arousal, and he groaned deep in his throat, his kiss growing more rough. You were really driving him mad, and he contemplated entering you right there, and giving himself some form of relief. But, when he neared your sex, and parted your lips he felt just how wet you were. How could he not want to taste that?

“Perfect.” He whispered, resting his forehead against yours as he pleasured your clit. He rubbed gently at it, smiling when you bucked your hips forward, wanting more. But, he had other ideas in mind, and as your juices coated his fingers he brought them up, lapping eagerly at them.

You watched him, cheeks a pink mess by now, and breath an awful string of pants. But, he was teasing you, and you wanted him to just have his way with you now. Yet, as he began to kiss a trail down you changed your mind, head falling back once he got between your legs.

“Fuck…”

You could hear him chuckle at your exclamation, clearly entertained by your want for him. As much as his teasing got to you, you couldn’t deny the fact he wasn’t a selfish lover. He brought you to the brink multiple times before he ever caved to his own needs.

His body dipped further into the water, stopping at his shoulders as he grabbed your thighs and made room for himself. He leaned forward, giving a playful lick to your clit and delighting in the way you moaned.

“Does my little bird want more?”

His green eyes stared up at you, making you squirm in his hold as he smirked. The damn Primary…he really did get off on making you crumble beneath him. You placed your hands behind you, steadying yourself against the edge as your legs dangled in the warm water. With a bite of your lip, you pushed your hips forward, nearing towards his devilish grin that was just begging to be buried in your folds. And this time he obliged your silent plea, fingertips pressing deep into your inner thighs as he clasped his lips around you.

You mewled out at the pleasure, nails scraping the floor of his chambers as he sucked and licked all around your clit. His tongue was expertly dragging along, barely brushing your entrance before tangling around you and creating a perfect rhythm that made you tremble.

It wouldn’t be long for you, you were far too aroused already that any contact from him was sure to make you orgasm. And as he growled into you, enjoying the taste of your sweet sex you arched forward.

He pulled away momentarily, catching his breath and gazing up at you before returning to his affections. He trailed his hand up your stomach, making the muscles underneath clench and twitch at his touch. It almost tickled, but you fought back the giggle as he cupped your breast in his hand and squeezed. His rings dug into your skin, the slight pain only causing more pleasure to rack your body.

You were close, and him pleasuring your center with that tongue was building up ecstasy quick.

“Ahh!”

Your hand came forward, fingers tangling in his locks and tugging gently. You practically trapped him between your thighs. Not that the emperor minded, he simply grabbed your waist, burying his face into you and eating you out until he had you screaming his name.

“Oh god! B-Balem!”

Your eyes shut, sweat dripping down the nape of your neck as the steam and your own body temperature grew. And as he flicked his tongue one last time over your clit, you came, clawing at his shoulders and trying to keep yourself balanced on the ledge of the bath.

Balem slowly with drew his lips, licking across them and kissing each thigh before rising back up, he smiled at your current state. Enjoying the way you gasped, and shivered visibly before him. You were so stunning in his eyes, especially in these intimate moments. He cupped your chin in his hand, lifting you to look at him as you came back from your high.

“Did you enjoy that, my beauty?”

You blushed at the new pet name, giving a smile as you grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him forward. You were rarely this bold in bed with him, but something in the way he purred those words out made you want him all the more.

He groaned into the kiss, hands gripping your ass as he pulled you back into the bath with him. Your legs were a bit shaky, but you held yourself up against him decently enough.

“Shouldn’t we bathe?”

You laughed between his kisses, fingers drawing random patterns into his wet skin. As much as you enjoyed this, the AI of his ship had chimed in, notifying its Lord of the impending arrival to the refinery. Balem just clicked his tongue, not caring if the ship was near its destination or not. As far as he was concerned, his attention could stay firmly on you.

“We are bathing.” He spoke, a wicked smile forming on his lips as he slid his fingers up the curve of your body. He backed you up into the window, kissing along your shoulder and paying close attention to your neck. You could feel his length brushing against you, precum leaking out and sticking against your skin. You could only imagine the predicament he was in, his cock looked flushed with need, begging for attention.

“Wait.”

Balem stopped his trail of licks and bites, cheek sweeping across your own as he moved away. He gave you a curious look, but when you grazed your nails down his chest, he had no reason to stop you. He simply observed you, corner of his mouth stretching into a grin before disappearing. He knew what you were up to, and it only furthered his excitement as you stopped your hand just above his aching length.

No matter how many times you both had laid with one another, you never truly got the chance to pleasure him in this way. He always seemed far more intent on getting you off with foreplay than himself. It was surprising, to be honest, considering the man he was. You’d expect him to be the type to get what he needed from a woman and then move on. Quite the contrary, it appeared he took more pleasure from watching his lover’s cave to their desires than himself.

You shyly glanced up at him, unsure for a second, but his lustful eyes were enough to settle the doubt you had. And as he licked across his lips, you moved lower, wrapping your hand around his cock and giving a soft stroke. Balem instantly groaned, harsh breath leaving through his nose as he gritted his teeth. He pushed you into the window in his state of desire, wanting to bend you over and take you. But, laid your hand on his chest, smiling as you stroked him and lowered yourself to your knees.

The water sloshed around your upper body, and you used the small steps inside the bath to lean on as you continued to please him. His length was heavy in your palm, the heat of it making you squeeze your thighs together. But, right now you wanted to focus on the First Primary. Besides, seeing him like this was something new for you. It was like he was putty in your hands, and he was glaring down at you in his frenzied state of need. Not that he’d beg for the attention, you knew that. But, you could tell what he wanted, his eyes alone conveyed the fantasies in his head.

With a lick of your lips, you inched forward, taking the head of his cock into your mouth and sucking softly. It was warm, and hard against your tongue, but the skin was smooth along your lips as you slid up. You took more of him into your mouth, moaning around his length and bobbing back and forth.

“Unh…”

The First Primary groaned deep in his throat, fingertips pressing into the glass as he screwed his eyes shut in pleasure. The feeling of your lips brushing along his cock was heavenly, and he couldn’t stop himself from thrusting forward into your warm mouth. Your tongue ran along the underside of his length, moans and whimpers vibrating against him as he pushed forward, nearly gagging you.

He brought his hand down, tugging harshly on your hair as he increased the speed of his thrusts. You braced yourself on his hips, moaning loudly as he fucked your mouth. Balem was well endowed, both in length and girth, and try as you might there was no way you’d be able to accommodate his size. But, he rocked his hips as gently as he could into your mouth, deriving as much bliss as he could.

“My little bird…ahh…”

His words came out rough, strained as if he was desperate to keep whatever control he had. But, your lips slowly edged him towards completion, and just before he felt himself snap, he pulled you back. His length slipped vulgarly from your mouth, the head of it sweeping over your kiss swollen lips. You gave one tiny lick to the tip, earning a lovely little purr from the Primary as he tugged you up to him.

Balem stared you down for a minute, smirking at the pleased look you had. Something he believed you had actually earned. But, he wasn’t quite finished with you yet, and he flipped you around, moving both your bodies up into the glass as he looked out the window. There were some sights that stuck with him throughout his long life and some dull enough to forget, but seeing you, gorgeously nude before him, basking in the glow of his Jupiter was one he’d always remember.

“Do you see that, my beauty?”

He nudged your cheek affectionately, eyes roaming up your features before he turned his gaze towards Jupiter. He looked proudly upon his life’s glory, mood softening even more when you nodded. He kissed your temple, inhaling the sweet scent of your hair as he parted your legs with his knee.

“I have built this industry from nothing…I created new life upon that which my family sought to destroy.”

You could here the disdain in his voice, but he seemed more fixed on admiring the work he’d done than focus on the dealings of his family. How like him, you thought. His mind really did obsess with his business, but you wanted to distract him from that, and as soon as he moved your thighs apart, you brought your hand back. You placed your palm behind his neck, gaining his attention and bringing him down to your lips for a kiss.

Balem closed his eyes, enjoying the soft feel of your mouth on his. And as your tongues tangled together, he gripped your waist, pulling your backside up against him as he entered you from behind.

You gasped into his lips, sloppily kissing back as he began to thrust forward, your slick body rubbing into the window. You tried your best to brace yourself against it. But, your fingertips slid effortlessly on the glass, breath fogging it up as you panted out in satisfaction.

Balem grunted into your ear, hand coming to rest over your own as it laid upon the window pane. He laced your fingers together, keeping up his pace until you both were moaning and writhing into one another. You were already wet from your earlier actions, making it easy for the First Primary to thrust in and out of you. Something he hungrily took advantage of as he roughened his rhythm.

The AI alerted Balem again, not that he paid it any more mind than before. He just wrapped an arm around you, keeping you steady against him as he pushed forward, groaning when your walls clenched down on him. It was more than he could take, especially after the treat of your mouth on his length.

With a few final thrusts he came, hiding his face between your neck as he muffled his groans. You squirmed in bliss as you felt his warmth fill you, a small whimper leaving your lips as he pulled out and relaxed into you. You expected him to move away, to finish off bathing, and go about his business. Only this time, he stayed near you. Allowing his breath to slow itself once more. You could feel his wandering hands trail down, moving between your legs as he meant to help you finish off as well. And as he slid his fingers between your glistening folds, he brought one hand up, brushing your wet hair aside, and letting it cascade down your shoulder. He kissed along the exposed side of your nape, a somewhat sweet gesture you weren’t expecting.

“I’ll clean you up, little bird.”

He smiled into your slick skin, reaching for the soaps and oils along the edge before he took his time, and helped you both bathe.

***

A/N: Feedback the shit outta me. 👏🏻

[katekatharos]

I’ve just finished the Haikyuu!! anime and I’m full of feeeeeeeelings and its all @lunarflares and @rageprufrock‘s faults and I need to babble, so SPOILERS for all the anime under the cut

GENERAL THINGS I LOVE

They are all such DUMB BOYS and the show and everyone agrees with you, just lol yes they are so DUMB isn’t it wonderful and IT IS. Wonderful dumb volleyball idiots. 

There is no ‘Evil Team’ which deserves to be defeated! All the teams have their own reasons for playing, they all have different styles of playing, they all want to win, and that’s all okay! There isn’t a single character who deliberately aims to injure the opposing players! Wow!!

All the setters are so pretty. 

It’s very very much about the teams, not beating individual aces, even Shirotorizawa whose style is BUILT around the unbeatable ace - that’s the team’s style. 

They are all friends!! (Except Oikawa > Kageyama lol) but there is so much of the different teams helping and supporting each other its great!

TEAMS I LOVE

KARASUNO!! Dumb murder of mobbing crows from the concrete <3 I mean I’m boring I do tend to love the protagonist team but I love Karasuno SO much. 

I love that their all dumb friends and support each other and their academic idiot volleyball geniuses and get snacks after practice together and everything. 

I love that they work super super hard and lose SO MUCH so by the end of season three their victory feels well and truly earned. There’s very little ‘I have honed this amazing technique in isolation and will now pull it out for the first time in an official match and shock my own teammates’. When that kinda thing does happen it’s usually because Hinata has misunderstood simple instructions and done something impossible XD

I love that for long stretches of time Hinata isn’t even in the match and that’s okay because its the TEAM who are the protagonists they all have amazing stories and victories. 

I love in the second season when they started to get a reputation and they walk into the sports centre and everyone is murmuring about how amazing they are and they are still ULTRA EMBARASSING STUPID DORKS.

Sawamura: Solid dependable captain type who you doesn’t really stand out but when he’s gone BOY do you notice!! He’s so good, he’s such a good boy, he’s so good at keeping these idiots pointing in the same direction and happy and healthy and a TEAM. 

Sugawara: I fell in the love with him when he made that awful face as he slammed the gym doors on Hinata and Kageyama. C: He’s so mature and gracious and cedes his place as official setter to a genius first year because it is the right thing for the team, and of course it’s difficult and he struggles with it but he copes and goes out of his way to hammer basic social interaction into Kageyama’s dumb head. (Contrast: Oikawa :D)  But he’s not just forgotten! And every time he’s on the court it’s a game changer and he’s amazing and I’m always SO HAPPY when the three third years are playing together!!!

Asahi: Big scary fraidy cat anxious ace <3 <3 so big. so soft. 

Tanaka: Boring wannabe punk character destined to be overshadowed.... was my first reaction but NO he is so ridiculous and so good and a really, really strong player in his own right (I wish I had quarter of his mental toughness) and he cares SO MUCH about all his team and every time he makes a scary face I cackle especially when Daichi immediately tells him to stop it.

Nishinoya: He keeps sneaky up on me and stabbing me with how awesome he is - just so super confident and dependable 

Ennoshita: interchangeable forgettable second year comes out of nowhere and hits you in the feels. Also wow they are actually doing succession planning? Awesome!

Hinata: bouncy dumb ball of scary overpowering sunshine. I really love his evolution, for refusing to stick to what works 90% of the time and for taking control - I love that the big emotional moment was Hinata trusting Kageyama enough to jump with his eyes closed but that wasn’t enough, he wanted to have control as well, and that caused them to fall out but then they rebuilt their trust stronger as EQUAL PARTNERS. 

Kageyama: awkward boy. Everytime he thanks another team member and apologises or asks for feedback on a toss I clap because baby well done you have grown so much. 

Tsukishima: I didn’t much like him at first - boring obligatory bully character - but now I WILL FIGHT FOR HIM omg such a precious string bean omg his backstory with his brother is so painfully realistic and the way he holds himself back from fully engaging because it will just hurt more that way when you loose OUCH THAT IS HITTING WAY TOO CLOSE TO HOME SHOW THANK YOU but in season three when he just. goes for it. wow. (and his brother is adorable and ridiculous)

Yamaguchi: Boring minion bully NO amazing precious friend who works so hard and I think his serve in the first Seijoh game was the most stressful, painful moment in the series, even more than Hinata’s failed match point and then his five points in the second game just *Flails hands*

Shimizu: Amazing. Wonderful. I love that she is treated as just as important a member of the team, that she is just as committed as the other third years, I love that she recruits her tiny manager and just OPENS up and smiles and chats with her and is such a good friend. 

Yachi: Tiny lesbian! Tiny anxious nerd! Who is so scared and grows so much and who makes fantastic posters which ENABLE THE CLUB TO ACTUALLY DO STUFF. 

Sensei and Coach: So good and SO MARRIED it’s not just me who thinks that right? 

SEIJOH!!! oh man I am still so sad. I’m so happy for Karasuno but so sad Seijoh who never got to go to the nationals and more importantly didn’t get to beat Shiratorizawa. 

I love that they’re the main antagonist team for the first half of the series but they are the team of zero geniuses and TEAMWORK and TRUSTING EACH OTHER and BRINGING OUT THE BEST IN EACH OTHER. 

When they stole Oikawa’s catch phrase from him I made a literal cooing noise it was embarrassing. 

Like, their first match they made me want Seijoh to win which is awesome, and then their second match I STILL wanted Seijoh to win despite also wanting Karasuno to win, it’s so hard. 

I love Sugawara in part for his grace in dealing with his genius kouhai but I love Oikawa for THE EXACT OPPOSITE REASON (lets be honest I’d be Oikawa but I’d cope with it even less well and probably just go away and cry.)

I love that he’s a brat and childish and self-centred and is smug and gloats horribly and has a disgusting personality but that’s he's also empathetic and strives to bring out the best in others, that he developed those skills because they would get him what he wanted (victory) not out of an innate selflessness but that his faith and trust in his team are no less real for that.  I love that he is not a genius but is someone geniuses admire/ are scared of. 

I love that is so elegant and pretty when he plays and yet pulls them most awful faces. 

I love he was the only one we didn’t see cry at the end of the second Seijoh match and gave Iwa-chan the thump across his shoulders. 

I love his and Iwa-chan’s relationship (I’ve heard Iwa-chan so much I cannot now remember Iwa-chan’s real name) I love that Iwa-chan was the one to stop him from self-destructing when he went to hit baby Kageyama (ouch!!) and basically bullied him into being a better person and gave him his life philosophy. I love that Oikawa seemed to decide to deal with all his negative feelings towards Kageyama by just being as childish as possible towards him.

I ADORE him turning up to watch the final match and wanting neither of them to win and refusing to stay to watch the award ceremony, but still kind of begrudgingly claiming 

I HOPE HE AND IWA CHAN GO ON TO PLAY LOTS OF VOLLEYBALL AND HE GETS A CHANCE TO DEFEAT USHIWAKA IN A MATCH I just really want him to be able to defeat Ushiwaka in a match okay :(

ALL THE TOKYO TEAMS I love them all 

Bullshit things I now want

I’m having flashbacks to Prince of Tennis but now I really want a good Warring States era AU urghhhhh

That dumb anime only PoT arc where every single team went to that Japan training camp? I want that, I want every single team being dorks. 

For some reason I really want an AU where Oikawa (and Iwa-chan) did go to Shirtorizawa and Oikawa and their demon coach basically made war on each other for three years because wow clash of styles it would be a complete disaster and amazing. 

Final thing is, I really really can’t ship Kageyama and Hinata? I look at all the fic for them and every summary includes the bit Kageyama and/or Hinata realises they FEEL something for their team mate and I just go NOPE, too OOC. I literally cannot imagine either of them having enough braincells/self-awareness to notice anything outside volleyball.

I have this mental imagine of Kageyama and Hinata rolling all over the floor tangled up together and screaming at each other and the rest of the team is looking sidelong at Sugawara and he glares back at them to say “I know I’m the team Mum but I draw the line at explaining to my kouhai why they get tingly feelings in their pants when they do this.”

And because Sugawara won’t explain their emotions to them they never figure it out. 

[anonymoustalks]

I remember my grandma hugging me and she started crying in the dark

(6-16-20) You both like politics.

Stranger: hello

You: heyoo

You: what's important to you?

Stranger: good question

Stranger: Freedom!

You: hurray good for you~

You: is there a price for it you'd be willing to pay? ^^

Stranger: Sacrifice

You: like?

Stranger: my life

You: wow that's a heavy one...

You: so you're saying freedom is more important than just you?

Stranger: For sure

You: wow, I'm impressed

You: I feel like I am too selfish for something like that

Stranger: We're all selfish here and there, but we need to perform when it counts

You: I'm not sure if there's a cause I'd be willing to die for

Stranger: Where are you from?

You: us

Stranger: So in order for me to defend your Freedom, I choose death

You: hm? can you explain?

Stranger: Sure, freedom is not free, it costs

Stranger: someone has to pay the price

You: yup, I recognize there's a cost

You: but what do you mean by choosing death?

Stranger: I'm a Christian, death is funny to me

You: really?

Stranger: Or rather to say

Stranger: I'll laugh when it comes for me

You: oh, I don't think death is very funny

Stranger: I'll laugh at it because it won't trick me

You: what is there to trick about death?

Stranger: it controls you by fear and other inspirations, but Jesus is the conqueror of the concept of death, He is beyond it

You: I see

Stranger: I subscribe to something higher than death

You: hmm, I'm not always afraid by my death, but sometimes moreso for the death and wellbeing of my loved ones, if that makes sense?

You: like for me, my family is more important than freedom

Stranger: Yes, I understand you. It's not easy

Stranger: It shouldn't

Stranger: You need to understand the priority

Stranger: if there is no freedom, your family could be in great danger

You: can you explain more?

Stranger: by protecting freedom

Stranger: you protect your family

You: mhmm maybe you need to give an example ^^

Stranger: Read a little bit history, it's one of the greatest teachers of life. The moment tyranny appears, death follows suit very fast

Stranger: So you need to maintain that freedom

Stranger: in order for the ones you care about

Stranger: not reaching a premature death

You: hmm is there a certain kind of freedom that is most important to you?

Stranger: Individual liberty for sure, the American constitution is built upon Judeo-Christian values and Greek logic

You: hmm do you think you will ever have kids?

Stranger: Probably not, while I am sad that I am not from America. I actually have a goal of coming and becoming a seal

You: oh... is that even possible?

Stranger: yes, only if I acquire a green card though

You: what I wanted to ask is if that if you had kids, and they wanted to do something you didn't agree with saying that they wanted to exercise their freedom of X what would you do?

Stranger: let them, because that's the freedom I subscribed too

Stranger: just warn them of the potential dangers

Stranger: but let them

You: is there a certain age you would allow them?

You: what if they are like... young...

Stranger: Of course not, not until they become legal. However, if you're a good parent (gonna use an analogy here)

Stranger: If you buy your kid a skateboard for example

Stranger: and he starts being wild and not listening

Stranger: you stop him and you tell him

Stranger: If you continue to do this, you will get hurt

Stranger: Eventually he is going to fall

Stranger: and understand your words

Stranger: So let them experience this minor pain while they are young

Stranger: to understand the importance of not being arrogant

You: idk I can't help but feel nervous

You: like what if it leads to something worse

Stranger: pain is a good teacher, don't worry

Stranger: because it's very real

You: mhm... but I mean... some things are like a step away from really really bad

You: like suppose your kid starts hanging out with druggies

Stranger: you should still impose your will on him because he is too young to actually have the awareness of what is going on

Stranger: those people could be brainwashing him as well

You: I think it gets hard as they get older

Stranger: It does, but there is nothing you can do about it. If he wants to be a bad human being, let him

Stranger: He will definitely receive signs of his wrongdoing

Stranger: even without you

You: I don't know, it's not something that's easy to just let go just because you say it

Stranger: Because you're a parent, I understand

You: (I'm actually not a parent >.<)

Stranger: oh

You: idk I just worry about a lot of things

You: I see things and then I wonder what would happen if it happened to me or close to home

Stranger: The parents should start having a relationship with their kids and take them seriously from a very young age

Stranger: you want to be the role model for your kid

You: I've seen a lot of parents who are really successful yet their kids turn out kind of sour

You: I'm not sure how it happens

You: it's actually a little bit scary

Stranger: success does not mean that they gave that kid what he really needed

Stranger: If he's not going to find love and understanding at home

Stranger: he is going to try and find it somewhere else

Stranger: those druggies

Stranger: give him the attention he needs,the love he needs

Stranger: even though it's horrible

You: what kind of love do you think boys need?

You: I feel like there gets to an age when boys don't really like to be seen with their moms

You: that kind of thing

You: idk the teenage thing

Stranger: That's fine, those are minor things which we experience because of the peer pressure in school and how others act

Stranger: if you build a strong foundation with your child

Stranger: even that can be avoided

You: What exactly do you mean by a strong foundation?

Stranger: there is nothing a kid needs more than understanding and love

Stranger: if you don't take a child seriously

Stranger: it hurts him more than you think

You: hmm what kind of family did you grow up in?

Stranger: Lovely on my mothers side, was given unconditional love

Stranger: but I was tortured by my father

Stranger: He is a high organized drug criminal and violent human being

You: oh..

Stranger: So I experience heaven and hell when I was young

You: what did he do?

Stranger: kidnappings, tortures etc.

You: wait rly?

Stranger: yes

You: ...

Stranger: is it that surprising lol?

You: a bit yeah

You: where are you from?

Stranger: Serbia

You: I didn't realize serbia was like that

Stranger: It was

Stranger: at that time, very corrupt

Stranger: my father was above the law

You: how did you end up coming to the us?

Stranger: I didn't, I'm still here, my wish is to get there

You: ohh I thought you were already here and trying to get a greencard

You: is the immigration process difficult?

Stranger: I will be trying after the 2020 elections and after the whole covid thing clears out

You: right

Stranger: It is a bit difficult, but I understand America for it

You: understand america for... the immigration difficulties?

Stranger: it's not impossible for me to come to America, however they have a very good and useful level of inspection and deduction as to who they let in their country

You: is there a problem with your application?

Stranger: No, hopefully I knock it out the park when I do. I will probably going to the American embassy to apply after all the politics and covid clears out

Stranger: be going*

You: right, well I wish you the best

You: what are you on this tag normally for?

Stranger: I just do politics/religion. Do you use discord by chance?

You: no I don't continue anything on omegle anywhere else

You: religion as well?

Stranger: Oh alright, understandable

Stranger: yeah

You: ahh I forgot that you mentioned that you were Christian

You: are people very christian in serbia?

Stranger: Yeah, mostly Orthodox , almost 85% of the country

You: mhm

You: I feel like politics and religion are very controversial tags on omegle

You: do you like arguing with people?

Stranger: I like people like you, rational and calm

Stranger: and the conversation just flows

Stranger: But there are those which are very dynamic and rude

You: lol

Stranger: So I just adapt to their personality

You: I see

You: do you have very strong political or religious beliefs?

Stranger: Well, I'm Christian. Most of my political values would be derived from that as well

You: I see, though do you have some examples?

Stranger: well, lets say the example of the whole abortion problem

Stranger: I'm pro-life

You: mhm is serbia pro-life or pro-choice mostly?

Stranger: mostly pro-life

You: ahh

You: I feel like the US is drifting left though

Stranger: Well, that's the beauty and freedom of the U.S

Stranger: all are allowed to express their freedom

Stranger: even though it can be disgusting here and there

You: mhm so you're okay with the complicated political situation? haha ^^

Stranger: I mean listen, I personally dislike it a lot

Stranger: But if that's what those people want to do, let them

Stranger: as Newton said

Stranger: For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction

Stranger: Everything you do has a consequence

You: yup

You: so what makes you want to leave serbia in particular?

Stranger: While I do love my people and I am a patriot. They are not really going in the right direction and maybe I could eventually do something from them from America

Stranger: for them*

You: your family?

Stranger: mother and grandmother

You: ahh is it mostly for a financial thing?

Stranger: No, not really. We are having troubles in one of our provinces if you can call it like that

You: troubles?

Stranger: Yeah, in a decade or so there could be possible war coming which I do want to support

Stranger: But If it could be stopped

Stranger: it would be better

You: possible war...

You: how so?

Stranger: I mean, Trump is helping us a lot in negotiations with Albanian terrorists

Stranger: however Trump will be gone in 2024

Stranger: So it's all about time

You: I see... I don't know very much about this

Stranger: Better not to honestly, Kosovo is a place of massive bloodshed. If the place of the fallen there could speak

Stranger: It would scream

You: I'm still curious if you're willing to explain

Stranger: There were wars there already, many horrible bloodshed took place

Stranger: we sacrificed a lot

Stranger: while it was a pleasure for them to lose theirs

Stranger: we won but at a great cost

You: I see...

Stranger: So many civilians killed over there...

Stranger: innocent people

Stranger: with families

Stranger: just because of their nationality

Stranger: kids

You: I feel like I don't know enough history

Stranger: Possibly, but you can always learn bit by bit

You: yeah I would like to if I can

Stranger: Of course you can, use the internet. It's the greatest tool for history now

You: yeah haha I'm googling what I can right now lol

You: so why does trump support albania but not biden?

Stranger: He supports Serbia, not Albania

You: serbia

You: sorry

Stranger: It's fine

Stranger: While if you want the honest truth

Stranger: American democrats are the ones who actually fueled Albanian terrorists with guns

Stranger: So

Stranger: Not all democrats are bad

Stranger: But the Clintons were pure evil

You: hmm I'm not sure I understand though. Isn't it a republican presidency right now?

You: Or are you saying under obama the US sent albania weapons?

Stranger: Yeah but these terrorists started in Bill's time

You: oh okay

Stranger: Bill actually bombarded us during our war in Kosovo

Stranger: he is responsible for killing innocent human beings as well

Stranger: He called the operation "the Merciful Angel"

You: oh... that sounds terrible

Stranger: Killed a little girl on the toilet when gellers went through the well

Stranger: killed a pregnant woman as well, a piece of metal went through her brain

Stranger: Bill Clinton is an animal

You: Are you from kosovo?

Stranger: I'm near it

Stranger: From Nis

You: I see (I have no idea exactly where that is haha)

Stranger: just a bit north from the borders of Kosovo, a larger town of Serbia

You: mhm

You: thanks for explaining this to me btw, I will try to read more about it

Stranger: Do inform yourself so that political deceptions don't cloud your judgement

You: mhm... I think politics is difficult

Stranger: It is, and a waste of time if you want my honest opinion

You: lool

You: idk, I try to learn more, but sometimes I guess I only find out there's less I know

You: and then it's even harder to decide what I support lol

Stranger: Support what's right and what is in direct relation with freedom

Stranger: you don't need to know much

Stranger: just look at their policies

Stranger: they can't lie about that

You: ^^ I think americans can sometimes live in a bubble. A lot of us have no idea about international affairs

Stranger: Actually that is a good point

Stranger: many of you don't know about international affairs

You: yeah lol

You: I think it

Stranger: You're quite a sane and rational person

Stranger: I like you

You: it's harder to know what's real and not real these days too

Stranger: I haven't run into such a person on omegle in quite a while

You: have you been here for a long time lol?

Stranger: I just come from time to time

Stranger: I knew about the site for a long time

You: mhm me too, although there were many years I didn't come here

Stranger: how old are you by the way?

You: 26

Stranger: I'm 24

You: ohh so 1999 you must have been very young

Stranger: 4 years

Stranger: but I was quite aware of what was going on

You: right

You: yeah idk lol I'm not sure if I have solid memories from when I was 4 lol

You: but I can't imagine what it must have been like

Stranger: It sicks to you because it's quite an intense situations where you all run and bombs are falling on your head you know

Stranger: haha

You: wow that's terrible

Stranger: Yeah, one of our most memorable days of the 99 bombardment was that on saint Nikola's day

Stranger: No one died from the bombs

Stranger: and mines

You: mhm that sounds like something

Stranger: I was so calm even though people were panicking

You: it's scary though!

Stranger: Yeah but I was 4, didn't understand the seriousness of it

You: yeah

Stranger: It was like watching a real life movies. I remember my grandma hugging me and she started crying in the dark

Stranger: I cried with her as well

You: mhm

You: this is hard for me to process

You: but I really appreciate you sharing this

You: how did you not end up hating the US?

Stranger: Of course, if one life becomes aware of this, many things can change

Stranger: Many Serbs did, but I don't hate the US

Stranger: I just know that Bill Clinton is a savage animal

Stranger: with no regard for human life

You: mhm

You: yeah it's scary

Stranger: Yeah it definitely was.. people died.. massive inflation because we had a ton of sanctions on us

Stranger: Hard times

You: I don't know, seriously

You: I just think it's sad all around

You: it's hard to know what's the right thing to do

Stranger: Keep in mind, most Americans don't because the news portrayed us as barbarians in America

You: yeah, I figured that was the case from Wikipedia

Stranger: That's why Serbs dislike America itself a lot

Stranger: because it purposefully lied to it's people about us

Stranger: while we are the direct opposite

You: yeah... media narratives are scary I think

Stranger: Clinton signed an executive order for the war

Stranger: he didn't even allow Congress to have a word

You: especially because there are definitely people still being hurt

You: mhm

Stranger: It's hard for me to put you into perspective, the pain was really unique

Stranger: to survive through the war

You: yeah, I'm not sure there's any way for me to really understand the pain that you experienced

You: but I think it's helpful for me to hear you anyways

Stranger: Tell me about yourself a bit?

You: mhm me?

You: I'm a first generation descendent of immigrants

You: my parents came from China to the US for graduate school

You: I live in a liberal state and am fairly left-leaning

Stranger: understood

Stranger: Your parents are Chinese right?

You: yup

Stranger: Serbia is very good with China, they support us 100%

You: lol haha

You: idk, my parents left china just towards the end of the cultural revolution

You: they are not very fond of china

Stranger: are you male or female, just wondering?

You: female

Stranger: I thought as much

Stranger: Never had a conversation about parenting before with a male

Stranger: lol

You: mhm lol

Stranger: at least not on omegle

You: yeah idk

Stranger: so what do you , anything you do as a hobby?

You: you emphasized a lot about parenting love, which is nice

You: idk I'm kind of boring. Some writing, reading, introverted things

You: I like learning about peopl

Stranger: I'm an introvert as well

Stranger: Writing as well now

Stranger: doing a web novel

You: ohh do you have a link?

Stranger: It's still not released but you will most likely see it on inkstone.webnovel.com

You: hmm that website sounds familiar

Stranger: The name of the novel is Crimson Veritas

You: okay I will try to remember it

You: webnovel does chinese novel translations do they?

Stranger: yeah

You: ah okay, that's probably why I recognize it

Stranger: The novel will be based on real-life mixed with a bit fantasy

Stranger: hopefully you like reading that

You: mhm I don't really have specific genres I like, so we'll see ^^

Stranger: I want to express abstract ideas through that novel

Stranger: see if people like it

You: mhm that's cool

You: abstract things can be hard!

Stranger: They can, but if you have a good writer and teacher it can become that much easier!

You: very true

You: will you be immigrating by yourself or coming with someone?

Stranger: Alone, I'll support by mother and grandmother from there

You: mhm that sounds intimidating

Stranger: I'm confident and strong, whatever happens, so shall it be

You: so you are thinking to enlist in the navy once you get a greencard or something?

Stranger: I probably want to qualify for the Seals which is at the top of Special Operations

Stranger: but if something else gets in the way

Stranger: I might change my mind

Stranger: I don't want to get tunnel vision

You: mhm I have no idea how someone ends up in seals

Stranger: It's hard, most drop out in pre-qualifications

Stranger: the choose the best of the best

You: I see, so there's kind of like a thing you try to apply for through tests and things?

Stranger: yap

Stranger: pre-test and test

Stranger: making it much harder

You: I wasn't sure if people are just somehow promoted or something haha

Stranger: yeah you can just apply to any branch

You: right

Stranger: you do need to meet the health requirements though

You: I didn't realize you could apply directly to the navy seals though

You: somehow I kind of imagined that people would first enlist and then do some kind of internal transfer, but that's just my imagination

Stranger: Oh no, you just do the pre-test and test

Stranger: during those, most quit

You: mhm makes it straightforward ^^

Stranger: because they put you through high stress situations with extreme pressure

You: right

Stranger: This was a nice conversation

You: were you in the military in serbia?

You: you have to go?

Stranger: no

Stranger: I was just saying

You: oh

You: thanks for answering my questions btw

Stranger: and no I was not in the military because Serbia is now military neutral

Stranger: you can go for like 3 months

Stranger: which is nothing really

Stranger: a waste of time

You: mhm

Stranger: and no problem

You: yeah I don't really know that much about military culture here

Stranger: If you want to learn more about it

Stranger: Just look at MBest11x videos and some of their other channels where they hold podcasts

You: (also I just realized it must be very late for you)

Stranger: don't worry about it, it's 1:40 AM

You: that's pretty late ^^;

Stranger: That's true, I messed up my schedule

You: mhm are you working right now?

Stranger: I like the night though, I like it when it's peace and quite

Stranger: no card and noise

Stranger: Good environment for thinking

Stranger: cars*

Stranger: No, not working right now. Mostly because there is nothing much to do in Serbia. I worked over the internet for a while on some things

Stranger: and then I freelance physical work a couple of weeks ago

You: mhms sounds difficult

Stranger: So hoping to make something out of the novels

You: something like a patreon or something?

Stranger: Yeah, a friend told me that it's not a bad idea to try and make a community around it

Stranger: especially If people like it

You: mhm good luck

Stranger: thank you,appreciated

You: I was looking up the cost of living in serbia haha ^^

Stranger: you're left leaning in politics but you're quite calm and collected, I'm assuming there are still good liberals in America

You: mhm... I think it depends on where you go?

You: I don't think it's as straightforward as all liberals or all conservatives are bad

Stranger: Yeah I would assume so, I don't like the leftists or alt-right people in America

You: if you go to a coastal city or state, most people will probably be liberal

Stranger: but conservatives and liberals were once the center of American politics

You: and people will be more conservative in southern states

Stranger: a balanced power

You: but I've heard that people are very nice down south too

Stranger: you're quite considerate of things you don't know I've seen

Stranger: that's quite a strong trait

You: mhm... thanks

You: I think hearing your kind of stories is why I like omegle most in a sense

Stranger: Yeah, us introverts need to meet somehow right haha?

You: oh lol haha

Stranger: I was just talking to my mom sometime ago

You: yeah I like finding people who think very differently than me or experienced very different things

You: (even if they're rude or mean lol)

Stranger: I told her, how will I ever find a woman with similar values when I'm not putting myself out there to the world

Stranger: It would mean she would do the same

Stranger: and we would never meet

You: hmm? I dunno

You: I think you end up encountering people sooner or later

Stranger: I am more of an ambivert though, I can choose to be introvert or extrovert

Stranger: but I prefer to be intro

You: that's always good for your career if you can be flexible

Stranger: Yeah for sure, having social connections is of great importance especially for business

Stranger: Here, I hope you don't mind listening to a bit of foul language. But this is a video they made for their friends in the army who were in a hot war with ISIS in the middle east

You: okay

Stranger: they are a bit trolly from time to time but they mean good

Stranger: all of them were in hot war

You: I am not easily offended

Stranger: Mat and Jared and the others, you should listen to their stories

Stranger: most of them have fallen friends

Stranger: some without limbs

You: that seems very heavy

You: Matt Jared...?

Stranger: the video I sent you

You: ohh um I didn't get anything

Stranger: this?

You: yeah it's not coming through

Stranger: can you not see it or does it not load?

You: mhm... I just don't get anything?

You: are you on your phone or something?

Stranger: no, PC

You: oh idk... I just didn't get anything

Stranger: https://www.youtube.com/

You: maybe if you send a link

Stranger: watch?v=uWSKdlfiGC8

Stranger: put those two together

You: ah okay

Stranger: Those are the people who sacrifice every day for all Americans

You: the rap is catchy

Stranger: yeah true lol

You: it's not something I normally watch lol but it's well put together

You: oh are they mostly a band?

Stranger: No, they just make it for fun

Stranger: Mat was in the Army Rangers

Stranger: Jared was air-force support

You: mhm

Stranger: They put together a multi-million dollar company from that black rifle coffee

Stranger: never tried it before

You: yeah I never heard of it

Stranger: Since it's not internationally distributed

You: I wonder where they are based

Stranger: They are veterans

Stranger: no longer in army

You: yup

You: sorry I meant their company

Stranger: oh sorry lol

Stranger: Uhh, Texas I believe

Stranger: but don't hold me true for it

Stranger: It might be somewhere else

You: utah it seems

Stranger: Oh

Stranger: Yeah they all moved near to Evan but it seems the company is somewhere else

You: yeah who knows where companies are registered

Stranger: yeah that's true, geographically sometimes it might be better to register somewhere else

You: mhm

Stranger: for distribution

You: and tax laws and other things

Stranger: that too, even more important

You: I think it is common for people to register companies in delaware even though the actual company is nowhere close to there

You: anyhow, I should probably get going!

You: I don't want to keep you so late either lol >.>

Stranger: It's all good

Stranger: thanks for the beautiful conversation

You: mhm thanks for sharing everything that you did

Stranger: God bless girl, all the best!

You: have a good night!

Stranger: !!

Stranger has disconnected.