#i mean perhaps 🖤♦️ is correct that this is NOT a good way to handle this shit.

[destinys-system]

Bonus fact that will probably give away who my partners are splits of but idc rn-

I haven't been able to listen to their song in literally months.

I hum it to myself a lot, bc it makes me feel better especially when they're not able to be in front with me.

But also i have this horrible deep dread in me that if i do listen to the song i WILL have a full blown breakdown and cry. Like actually cry.

Like okay usually when i say "omg crying" or "i sobbed," i mean i silently shed tears for about 30 seconds. My nose might have run a little. *That* is sobbing to me. I am an incredibly stone faced person who bottles everything up, so crying is extremely difficult. I know this isn't a healthy reaction, but i absolutely hate how crying feels, and im so self-taught to avoid it that i just won't do it.

And i just know in my gut that if i hear the song, it will not be my usual "crying." it will be a real, genuine cry, and i am so avoidant of that it's unreal.