#i mean if my country had done that i wouldnt doubt it either

[wingamy24]

is the moon made of cheese O wise one..

you are yet not worthy of that information

[anti-pasto]

for the 200 ask thingy, i actually dare you to do all of them. :D

delgaskarthalexhere we go, anon: 

200: My crush’s name is: I don’t have one right now, I don’t get them often (if I ever had a crush at all)

199: I was born in: 2003

198: I am really: A 2005 emo kid x a 2008 scene kid x a 2014 tumblr fangirl x Kyle himself

 197: My cellphone company is: Apple

194: My ring size is: Honestly? No idea. Propose to me with a sword.

 193: My height is: Somewhere between 5′7″ and 5′8″

192: I am allergic to: Nothing I’m aware of 

191: My 1st car was:  94 Station Wagon, by request

190: My 1st job was: being this funny is a full-time gig

 189: Last book you read: Bone Gap by Laura Ruby

188: My bed is: “made”

187: My pet: I have a cat, I love her very much and I will show her to you if you dm me a cursed image

186: My best friend: We don’t use “best friend” for personal reasons, but they’ve been with me since I was 5 so, my one and only Bro

185: My favorite shampoo is: anything with “silky smooth” or “strawberries” on the bottle. i’m not that picky anymore.

184: Xbox or ps3: xbox or ps4  xbox

183: Piggy banks are: really useful

 182: In my pockets: wallet, keys, phone, earbuds, black pen/pencil, earplugs, mini flashlight

 181: On my calendar:  i’m meeting a friend for smoothies tomorrow

 180: Marriage is: something we shouldn’t push so much onto people. it’s a declaration of love, not an end-all fix-all to your life. i can’t ever see myself getting married but who knows!

 179: Spongebob can: continue to be a relevant meme

178: My mom: i mean. we function. i can’t really complain about my family at large but i am defiantly looking forward to living literally as far away from them as i can. 

 177: The last three songs I bought were? psh, you think i pay for music? (folie a deux, lake effect kid, believers never die volume two) (those are albums but its okay)

176: Last YouTube video watched: I watched Markiplier play Uno

175: How many cousins do you have? 11? 12? I lost count

174: Do you have any siblings? I have a brother

 173: Are your parents divorced? Nope!

172: Are you taller than your mom? Yes, I have been for a while

171: Do you play an instrument? dude HECK yeah! i vibe on piano, guitar, ukulele, clarinet, and im a drum major

170: What did you do yesterday? I went on a drive by myself.

 [ I Believe In ] 

169: Love at first sight: Nope.

168: Luck: Yes, but luck is something that can be engineered

167: Fate: To an extent

 166: Yourself: I’d say overall, yeah. I still have doubts tho

165: Aliens: Mmmmmm yeah

 164: Heaven: Yes

163: Hell: Yes

162: God: Yeup

 161: Horoscopes: without an ounce of truth, they would have died a long time ago

160: Soul mates: the greeks had seven words for love. i think we have multiple soul mates to fit each of those categories. there are definitely people we’re just meant to vibe with

159: Ghosts: i want to say yes but i really dont know

158: Gay Marriage: yes. its 2020. grow up.

157: War: in theory? no. war is kinda messed up. in reality? not everyone is going to be down to nice diplomatic conflict resolution, and not everyone is just gonna leave people *countries* they don’t like alone, so...

156: Orbs: ??? energies are real

155: Magic: vibes are real

 [ This or That ]

 154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs

153: Drunk or High: i am a child of jesus

152: Phone or Online: online

 151: Red heads or Black haired:  irdc but black hair bc i am Emo

150: Blondes or Brunettes: blonde?? ig?? easier to dye

149: Hot or cold: hot weather + cold rooms

148: Summer or winter: summer

147: Autumn or Spring: autum (screw spring)

 146: Chocolate or vanilla: vanilla

145: Night or Day: night

 144: Oranges or Apples: oranges (better to share with homies)

 143: Curly or Straight hair: i dont care but curly

 142: McDonalds or Burger King: mcdonald give iced coffee

141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: dark chocolate

 140: Mac or PC: pc for vidgya gaemes

139: Flip flops or high heals: ...converse. please. i cant walk properly in either of those

 138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: sweet and poor 

 137: Coke or Pepsi: pepsi

136: Hillary or Obama: this is kinda outdated but obama

135: Burried or cremated: cremated i aint watch spn for nothin

134: Singing or Dancing: singing. at least that gets better with practice

133: Coach or Chanel: chanel (thank u mr frank ocean and also the neighborhood)

 132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: whomst

 131: Small town or Big city: big city and if you say small town you’ve never lived in a small town

 130: Wal-Mart or Target: target

 129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: who tf is this

 128: Manicure or Pedicure: idk dude probably pedicure i don’t like people touching my hands and i use them for too much to get my nails done

127: East Coast or West Coast: hnngggggggg west coast has more to do but east coast has better beaches and 

126: Your Birthday or Christmas: birthday 

125: Chocolate or Flowers: chocolate bc then i can give u some

124: Disney or Six Flags: ive only been to disney so disney (though i AM a HARDCORE rollercoaster stan so it wouldnt take much for me to say six flags)

123: Yankees or Red Sox: what 

 [ Here’s What I Think About ]

 122: War: unfortunately sometimes necessary but not as a first resort i went over this already 

 121: George Bush: is that the shoe guy?

 120: Gay Marriage:  be gay. do crime. kiss wife. or husband. or partner. basically, hell yeah

119: The presidential election: america need 2 b single and focus on herself

 118: Abortion: pro-choice and that choice should be made by the one carrying the baby

117: MySpace: tumblr’s dad

116: Reality TV: don’t talk to about abt this

 115: Parents: disgusting. go to therapy. 

114: Back stabbers: if you’re gonna stab me in the back, pull my lungs through my ribcage bc that’s what my ancestor’s ghosts are gonna do to you (thanks great (x a few times) grandma viking ily thanks for the hair:) )

113: Ebay: good for merch and selling books

 112: Facebook: zuck my dick, data-theif

111: Work: i like doing work? like- i enjoy completing tasks and seeing my hard work pay off? it’s not that bad?

110: My Neighbors: old. boring. want me to babysit for free.

109: Gas Prices: i cant really complain rn they’re kinda low and im a little broke so

108: Designer Clothes: i vibe to them, honestly

 107: College: not for everyone but definitely for me

106: Sports: marching band is a sport marching band is a sport marching band is a sport marching band is a sport marching band is a sport but only technically speaking though you can make fair comparisons to sports such as cheer, and gymnastics where the idea is to put on a show and receive a score in the form of competition. 

 105: My family: disgusting

104: The future: the future doesn’t exist

 [ Last time I ] 

103: Hugged someone: god, don’t ask me this

 102: Last time you ate: uhhh like 9 hours ago? it was dinner and i had pizza

 101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: three or four weeks ago by best bro came to visit and we vibed

100: Cried in front of someone: i finished twist and shout at school at the end of a very bad week. it was only a few tears but that’s as close as i get to crying

99: Went to a movie theater: whenever the last star wars movie came out

98: Took a vacation: last year i went to dc over summer break to see the Smithsonian, it was a lot of fun. i was supposed to go to altanta and florida this year but that didn’t happen for reasons

 97: Swam in a pool: last week

 96: Changed a diaper: never

 95: Got my nails done: never

 94: Went to a wedding: its been at least 6 years dude

93: Broke a bone: never, somehow

 92: Got a peircing: nope

91: Broke the law: technically, yesterday. 55 is too slow

90: Texted: just now

 [ MISC ] 

89: Who makes you laugh the most: the person in my snap named “junior”

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my cat

87: The last movie I saw: probably into the spiderverse

86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: things going back to normal. or somewhat normal. i need school to have a schedule bc i absolutely cannot force myself to function without outside influence

 85: The thing im not looking forward to: ironically, school in the fall. the way we’re going back is going to wreck me more than lockdown already has

 84: People call me: i only ft one of my bros and they know who tf they are if you ask to ft you’re getting fuckin blocked mate i dont do that shit video calls are for WORK and SCHOOL thats IT. but ppl call me by my nickname irl, i go by screech on here. 

83: The most difficult thing to do is: listen to my parent’s political opinions? live in a small town? force myself to be productive without a physical influence and reminder? put up with that one dude?

82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: nope

 81: My zodiac sign is: scoprio/leo/gemini

80: The first person i talked to today was: the potential bassist for our potential band? 

79: First time you had a crush: uhh im still not sure if it was a crush but i wanted them to myself and they wanted (and got) someone better. we were just friends so it doesn’t really matter

 78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: the person on snap named “the great oracle”

77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: yesterday, it was my brother

 76: Right now I am talking to: in order of snap names, “vibin ~[^.^]~”, “russian umbrella”, and “mom” (not really)

75: What are you going to do when you grow up: hopefully, a job that makes me happy

74: I have/will get a job: as soon as i know what’s going on with school. but like as an adult? wherever will hire me and pay my fairly. being a barista would be fun, but at a local place (not in my current town)

73: Tomorrow: ???? time for bad poetry: tomorrow i will see my friend/ admist this lasting chaos/ we will be each other’s solitude/ while sharing fruity drinks/ and when we both come home/ a smile we will bring

72: Today: idk what this means so more poetry: today i will be sleep deprived as always/ i will think of them and weep/ but no tears will fall from my eyes/ for i know there is a reason/ we went our own way

 71: Next Summer: i fr dont know whats goin on so: next summer i will be/ as happy as can be/ because i will be in pain no longer/ the earth is sure to heal/ and i will heal with her/ so i can enjoy/ the heatwave of next summer

70: Next Weekend: next weekend i will spend/ my days wasting away/ maybe ill finish hannibal/ again/ not that serial killers make the dopamine stay/ i will not see my friends/ or talk to my family/ i will seldom eat/ and live off coffee/ this has been my life/ all quarintine/ god someone please help me

 69: I have these pets: i have four cats, three chickens, and a dog

 68: The worst sound in the world: my dad and grandpa talking

 67: The person that makes me cry the most is: Them

 66: People that make you happy: snap name time: the great oracle, junior, vibin ~[^.^]~, russian umbrella, mom, hero, booby-king 48, go to bed, son, pooper trooper, mac&cheese, plain egg biscuit, apple pie

 65: Last time I cried: i dont cry bitch (last week over officals that cant make up they gottdamned mindes)

64: My friends are: my family and i would die for each and all of them

 63: My computer is: an old hp but it play gaemes real good so it okie

 62: My School: is trash but the band pops off

61: My Car: old, fast, clean

60: I lose all respect for people who: are my dad

 59: The movie I cried at was: i cried over big hero six

 58: Your hair color is: blonde

57: TV shows you watch: supernatural, good omens, hannibal, parks and rec

56: Favorite web site: this hellsite or youtube

 55: Your dream vacation: out of the country with beautiful beaches, amazing food, and my best friend

54: The worst pain I was ever in was: the time i split the back of my head open, the time i split my chin open, and the time my then best friend said they didn’t want to talk to me anymore. i’ll let you guess which one hurt the most and which one i think about every fucking day

53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium or medium well. 

52: My room is: clean and a reflection of myself, or so i’ve been told

51: My favorite celebrity is: i do not engage in celebrity worship. ill follow them and reblog gifs/interviews but i dont really have a favorite. the less i know abt them the better.

 50: Where would you like to be: my own apartment in nyc

49: Do you want children: FUCK THEM KIDS BRO

 48: Ever been in love: i dont know if it was love. i dont know if it was a crush. what i do know id that i was attached and they didn’t feel the same, and why would they?

 47: Who’s your best friend: we dont really use best friend bc but “the great oracle” “junior” and “vibin ~[^.^]~”

46: More guy friends or girl friends: its 50/50

45: One thing that makes you feel great is: goin fast, the beach, playin video games

44: One person that you wish you could see right now: them

43: Do you have a 5 year plan: go to college, earn degree

 42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: commit arson

 41: Have you pre-named your children: FUCK. THEM. KIDS. BRO.

40: Last person I got mad at: they do not understand that they do not know everything about something they’re not even involved in yet

39: I would like to move to: new zealand

38: I wish I was a professional: artist? musican? youtuber? who knows

 [ My Favorites ] 

37: Candy: nerds

36: Vehicle: 1970 mustang gt

 35: President: jfk only bc his assassination is the only good thing abt american history the rest of it is fucked up and shouldn’t have happened. also jfk’s song in assassians the musical goes hard

34: State visited: california

 33: Cellphone provider: verizon? apple? idfk

32: Athlete: what is sport

31: Actor: i don't watch shows or movies

30: Actress: i do not consume media

29: Singer: alex gaskarth or alexander deleon

 28: Band: fall out boy 

 27: Clothing store: hot topic (i will not apologize)

 26: Grocery store: okay harris teeter fucks but lidil’s has aloe vera juice and target at 9 pm energy so idk man 

25: TV show: supernatural...

24: Movie: big hero 6

 23: Website: tumblr or youtube

 22: Animal: snow leopard 

 21: Theme park: busch gardens bc roller coaster go fast

20: Holiday: christmas

19: Sport to watch: snowboarding bc its like skateboarding but on snow

18: Sport to play: anything with havy footwork (marching band is a sport)

17: Magazine: i do not condume media

16: Book: the ranger’s apprentice series as a whole makes up my all-time one favorite book

 15: Day of the week: friday bc its game day baybey

14: Beach: cocoa beach in florida but also i have so much left to experience 

13: Concert attended: i havent been to any notable gigs but i was supposed to go to hella mega

 12: Thing to cook: pancakes

11: Food: pizza or shushi

 10: Restaurant: chiplote

 9: Radio station: i like my local rock station and my local edm/top 40 station

8: Yankee candle scent: anything smoky or vanilla idc

7: Perfume: chanel no. 5 if i even wear it

6: Flower: Hydrangea

5: Color: orange

 4: Talk show host: cecil palmer

 3: Comedian: john maulaney

 2: Dog breed: yes

1: Did you answer all these truthfully? ;)

That was a trip. But it was fun, please do things like this more often. Also, I don’t consume media by choice. I’m not sheltered I just can’t be bothered, and I have enough going on. That being said I will now be sleeping. Thanks again, Anon, I hope you have fun reading this :D

[nylonsandlipstick]

This really isn't supposed to be a sad thought but more a realistic headcanon in a modern AU (because that's been the only thing on my mind lately).

I don't think that the Pevensie siblings would be at all times super close, I feel like at one point they would have drifted a bit. Not that they would have had a falling out or anything but rather that after a while, as they grew up, life would have led them apart.

Like, Peter would have been the first one to go to college and he would have tried to stay local so he wouldn't have to be so far away from his family, but after studying some time in a local college he would have tried to move up into a prestigious university. Peter would have been such a hardworking and bright student, a lot of universities would have been trying to take him in. He would have finally given in after about the sixth admissions offer and lots of encouragement from his family.

I can definitely see him trying his best to stay as in contact as ever, though. Even if the university he had decided on was rather far from his home, he would have tried visiting every other weekend, if not every weekend, to be able to see his family and however many of his friends had stayed behind. He would have also tried calling everyone and having long conversations every single day to make sure that he missed nothing. Video chats were a must as he had this small irrational fear of forgetting how everyone looked. It would all have lessened after a while, though. He would need more weekends to study and work on assignments so visits would become less frequent. Calls would become shorter and shorter, up until he would have to settle with texting, as he became more and more involved in clubs and school activities. Video chats would be about once a month, twice if he could squeeze in some time.

Susan I feel like would have disconnected the quickest of all four. She would definitely have been able to process and understand that she’s growing up and her and her family would be leading separate lives from now on. She wouldn’t have completely disconnected from her family, never once messaging them or anything, as she did love and cherish them. She would rather just take longer to respond and speak less to them, spending only a few minutes at a time.

When applying for colleges, she would be open to colleges that were both local and out of zone. She understood that sometimes the best choice was furthest away from those she loved. When she finally decided on a school that was hours from home, she wasn’t entirely upset. She knew she would see her family, there was no doubt about it. She lived in modern times. Sure, it would take a few hours to personally visit her family, or vice versa, but she was still living in Great Britain and she could take a train or a bus or drive her car to see her family. And technology made contacting her family so much easier and quicker. When she moved into her new apartment near her school, she was the only one who didn’t cry as farewells were said because she knew it wasn’t a permanent farewell, just a “see you later.”

Edmund would surprisingly be the one to cling hardest to his family but it wasn’t very outward. He would have tried to seem the most blasé about the situation, pretending like it didn’t matter to him that he would be leaving his childhood home to a new and terrifying world away from the safety of his parents’ arms. He would have been the most upset at Susan for not trying harder to stay more connected with their family and give her some cold looks whenever she would mention how she was too busy to visit them often and that they were fine without her anyhow. He would be more understandable with Peter as he knew that his brother truly did feel guilty about not being around as often as they’d all wished he could.

Edmund would have done absolutely everything in his power to remain as close as possible to his family all the while pretending the entire time like it was just because he couldn’t bear to move too far away from his favorite cafe, nobody makes tea as good as they do. His family could see right through his façade, though they humored him because they didn’t want him too far away either. He ended up being able to find a university less than an hour away from home and was able to stay with his parents and Lucy for a bit longer. He only moved on campus when a scholarship of his required him to be a student living on campus to be able to receive the money. Even then, he came home most days for meals and tried his best to make it seem like he wasn’t growing up and that things weren’t changing. He could normally handle change but trying to leave home and be away from family took its time.

I think Lucy would have been the one to surprise everyone by being the only sibling to leave the country. She was adventurous and free-spirited and she would always love her family; just because she moved far away didn’t mean she would stop loving them. Lucy needed to travel, to discover herself and discover the world and do all of the things she dreamed of. She knew that at the end of the semester and that during all of those holiday breaks, her family would be waiting for her in Finchley with open arms and many of her favorite sweets.

Being outside the continent wouldn’t have been an excuse for her to lose touch with her family, though. She called and/or texted her siblings and parents every single day, and she was the only person Susan would speak to on a regular basis. She constantly sent them letters and pictures and postcards of the many places she’d been to, loving the rather antiquated system of mailing instead of emailing. They would all try their best to send her letters and pictures as well, depending on how long she would stay in one location, if not mailing it to her next location. Her parents constantly sent her care packages to make sure that she was taking care of herself while she was away. She always brought home souvenirs for everyone and they made a tradition of gathering around the living room to hear about her many adventures.

I think the Pevensies, for however much they love and are loyal to each other and have this strong familial bond, there would eventually be this separation as they grew up and began their lives away from home. But there would always be an imaginary string tying them to each other and pulling them back together.

[mieczyhale]

throwing together some of my recent/ish hc posts/tags for @hellomyguru bc its a thing, babey (i have no idea what you’ve seen and what you havent bc tumblr really just suck like that so lmao)

my tags on this post::  #HELL YEAH HELL YEAH #more pride hcs!!! noice!!#i love these sfm#like klaus always taking part no matter how bad shit is bc HIS PEOPLE!!! and ben trying to punch picketers and homophobes is fucking adorbs#and i would kill (whoop) for the day klaus makes ben corporeal during pride and ben can punch all the people and then disappear#vanya’s is cute. come to the light darling!!#and diego fksgjf okay listen whether one hcs him as bi or not this is 1000% something he’d do either way#he’s supportive!!! and he has lgbtqa+ family!!! and nobody gets to be mean to his family but him!!#see also:: the first year after the apocalypse is avoided five decides to tag along when klaus saying he’s taking dave to#his very first pride. he not only enjoys himself but he learns a lot and either then or over the course of the following weeks figures his#own labels out - bc i hc five as asexual and i just have a thing for klaus being the all knowledgeable one about something for once#and his siblings learning about gender and sexuality from him and maybe discovering something new about themselves along the way!#except luther. he’s a cis hetero and we all know it#but maybe he learns to be a good ally. maybe#i mean probably not but whatever#allison is the only other person in the family who i’d even consider calling straight#bc there’s nothing wrong with being straight and i just.. dont have another label that i think fits her really well#so yeah ive got gender and sexuality hcs for them all flgkscndn happy pride month bitches

my tags on this post:: #’you’re telling me this happens every year?? for a whole month??!’ #actually i need every possible concept of dave experiencing pride month and seeing how far things have come for gays#like rainbow shit everywhere#and of course the legalization of gay marriage#out and proud gay politicians and gay people in positions of power#the amount of support that comes when homophobic shit happens now#homophobia isnt the accepted norm anymore#another thing i like is the concept of - either during pride or just in general - dave being excited to learn about the community as a whole#his boyfriend is a nonbinary pansexual and klaus has explained before what those words mean but dave wants to really understand#we stan a supportive and loving couple#dave has a lot to learn in 2019 but i think this stuff would be the most important and have the most effect on him yknow??#shit isnt perfect but its better and now he can work on getting passed the environment he was raised in#so he can hold klaus’s hand in public and kiss him around other people without panicking and eventually he proposes because HE FUCKING CAN#HE CAN DO THAT. HE CAN JUST.. ASK HIS BOYFRIEND TO MARRY HIM. LEGALLY.#good fucking shit

my tags on this post:: #did you see the state of the sky in the apocalypse?? there’s a chance he really wouldnt have noticed#i mean like yeah it could be a funny plothole#but there could also be reasons for why thats not something he noticed#or idfk man timeline shit#maybe the moon didnt explode the first time around#maybe it did and there’s just another moon somehow some way#maybe he didnt notice bc he was first too scared and then too frenzied and angry probably and then he had shit to focus on and math to do#and then dolores wanted to go on dates to the local wine cellars and flat empty areas that used to be parks and then there was spending days#in the library together like having a girlfriend is a lot of work okay#maybe five just didnt have the time to slowdown and consider things like space#maybe his headspace was too fucked#sometimes you just forget about the moon - i know i do!#so sfgksncjf okay y e ah

my tags on this post:: #YES!!! #yes yes yes #okay #so#everytime someone mentions or even hints at dave having anger issues i wanna fucking cheer bc thats one of my biggest hcs for him#like yeah he’s sweet and gentle and respectful and all that - genuinely a good man - our lil jewish gay#BUT#he did grow up in the 50s and 60s which as op said would have surrounded him with a lot of toxic masculinity. now i dont think he would be#a toxic kind of masculine AT ALL but it definitely would have forced him to hide his emotions and feelings and idk hobbies and of course his#sexuality. and i say hobbies bc there isnt a canon answer for it i dont think but i personally hc dave as being someone who loves art#specifically: drawing. dave keeping a lil sketchbook and some pencils under the pillow on his cot in vietnam?? yes please#so anyway yeah - he wouldnt have really had any good examples of how to properly take care of your anger - although he has enough#heart and common sense to know its really fucking wrong to take it out on women and children and people one is dating WHICH - another hc i#have that ties into this is that somehow his dad found out that he’s gay and beat the crap out of him over it. because unfortunately thats a#thing that happens. so his main male example was an abusive pos. and then he goes to vietnam which is fine because its not like he has#anyone stateside that will miss him - that will talk to him anymore - and its a warzone so there are a lot of ways to work out your anger#and yeah that of course includes bar fights. and he does - usually - try and keep a hold on his anger until he’s away from anyone who might#feel threatened - and he doesnt wanna end up taking out an innocent on accident - but he’s not actually perfect and so sometimes he fails#and it happens around klaus one time and seeing his love’s reaction - the making himself smaller - trying to hide - going quiet and so#clearly afraid - and not just afraid but afraid OF HIM - freezes him to the core where he stands because nobody has ever reacted like that#before. or if they have he never noticed or cared because they didnt matter. but this is klaus. his klaus. who he loves and would never do#anything to hurt him. his klaus who he protects and defends and knows he wants to spend his life with - no matter how impossible it is#he wants to go to klaus and apologize - try to undo the damage done simply by him raising his voice and lashing out - but he doesnt know#what to say or how to say it - he doesnt know what to do with the situation honestly. so he leaves the tent and goes to take his renewed#anger and frustration out on whatever he can find so he can calm down and hopefully get into the right headspace to have whats#no doubt going to be a really hard conversation with his boyfriend. because where do you even start??#but of course they talk it out and dave promises to work on his anger and on how he lets it out and yknow.. its dave so klaus trusts him and#it takes some time - there are some incidents - but dave works hard and learns a lot from klaus - including how to unlearn a lot of shit he#grew up with - and its rough but having a partner from the future who breaks all kinds of barriers definitely helps#so y eah. those are my brief feelings on it and i wanna marry op 

my tags on this post::   #!!!!!!!!!!!! #YES #i adore this post#i could never pinpoint why the introduction on the bus made me feel like That but this is it!!#its just so sweet and innocent - even surrounded by other soldiers in the middle of a warring country#the innocence and unbearable fucking adorableness of their first convo on that bus just… its so bright and lovely it makes everything else disappear#the only thing that matters is the two guys getting to experience that ‘o h’ moment for the first time in their lives bc their childhoods#never let them have that #i assume#bc like op said klaus didnt go to a regular school and he wasnt p much stuck in that house and then he was on the streets so#and for dave like.. i guess he could’ve had that moment in school? but it would’ve been one-sided and he never would have#told anyone. 1960s. gay jewish man. yeah.#they’re each others first (and only) loves and i just really fucking adore that and live off of posts about them 

my tags on this post:: #what if he wasnt dead-dead though???#bc like… the day five found them all dead was apparently the day the apocalypse happened right? so its not like they’d been dead for days#weeks or w.e yknow??#and the time between klaus dying and coming back is varying and undetermined - there’s no canon timing for the length of his deaths#so what if he came back to life??#like okay i know its not really possible in canon bc five buried them i think?? or is that a fanon thing??#i cant remembering #anyway#but still - in general klaus not being permanently dead in the apocalypse is another possibility#and five didnt know about it bc after finding them all he began his 45 year journey#and klaus wakes up alone and essentially has to learn to survive and he doesnt know five was ever there bc..well.. yeah#five is long gone#maybe klaus lives out his days in that wasteland#and he doesnt remember it where five does bc five time traveled back and klaus didnt. the klaus that got stuck in the#apocalypse is a different klaus - like a different timeline. the klaus from ep1 never got stuck in the destroyed future so#he’d have no knowledge or memories of it or anything#or - second thought - he kills himself at some point after waking up and either begs god to let him stay dead or he strikes some kind of#deal with her so he doesnt have to return to whats left of earth#oooo or something happened that put a lock on his powers?? like yknow those cuffs and devices and stuff in stuff in fantasy that freeze the#users abilities?? that’d be an interesting plotpoint bc then like who did it and why and what was the last day really like? yknow#vanya’s meds but More is the idea #just a thought#but anyway idk im just a big fan of klaus with the inability to die and all the possibilities that brings 

my tags on this post::   #i’ve actually never stopped to consider why he didnt notice them except for my v first tua watch-thru#which is odd bc like that seems like a thing one should notice after a few watches??#but w.e #anyway#my only other hc for that part of the episode isnt that klaus didnt notice them bc he’s used to guns#it’s that he didn’t hear them#or that they weren’t loud enough -to him- to register as gunfire initially#bc like one of my close hcs is that he has bad hearing. growing up with people screaming in your ears 24-7 365 can’t exactly be good for#his ears now can it? and with how loud some of them are and how close they can get to him - without touching him - that’s just.. a lot of#fucking volume okay#now add in the academy’s mission alert siren#how loud he listens to his music with headphones on when he’s trying to drown out some REALLY LOUD SCREAMING#and then being near gunfire growing up. those bank robbers had guns and weren’t exactly a big distance away#all the raves and clubs and parties he goes to?? places where music is played so loud the room shakes and you cant hear anything else and#the music itself can be heard from blocks away?? that’s an indeterminable amount of intense noise#and then of course the gunfire of vietnam#so like… boys ears have SUFFERED. whether they wanna acknowledge that in canon or not#so the shooting at the theater - the shooting thats IN the theater - which is large and meant to house sound#thats happening across a big city street from where they’re standing and they’re behind the food truck and if klaus was ordering when it all#started that was just another level of sound and he’s not exactly focused bc everything is awful yknow?? so either it takes him a second to#notice or register it on his own or maybe he doesnt and ben says something?? idk but that’s kinda the field i’ve landed on for that scene#not that im not here for op’s hc!!! bc it really is a good one and it makes sense. im just rambling my own theory here bc i like considering#the Ways for Things sometimes. esp with klaus involved. this does make me wonder tho… if his hearing somehow is -fine- in canon…. h o w?#bc like bitch who tf can take all that and have perfect hearing?? thats gotta be impossible. if they are fine is it related to his powers#somehow?? like.. does his casual passing between life and death all the time mean he doesnt have mortal ear weaknesses? its weird but im..#i’ve got theories. 

my tags on this post:: #probably in the massive fucking pockets of his fluffy coat#see also:: a dealer’s place #a boyfriend’s place#an ex-boyfriend who is also a dealer’s place#a girlfriend’s place #a partner’s place#all ex’s of course bc dave is the only valid romantic relationship#he made friends with the person who owns a nearby thrift store and they help him out#he has a locker at a public place like the ymca#he only has one outfit before returning to the mansion so he has nothing to carry - ever on the move#he thiefs off of people in rehab and crackhouses he stayed in that are dumb enough to leave their shit unattended#when he sees something he likes or he feels its time for an outfit change#he mostly sticks with his lace up pants as far as bottom pieces go bc its much harder to sneak away with skirts#and the kind of crazy pants he likes. there’s only room for one pair of pants for this pan disaster#after returning to the mansion he has access to the funky gay clothes he had managed to aquire before leaving all those years ago#bc like… i kinda hc that he got out of there fast and probably higher than fuck and had nothing packed#have you ever tried to pack while high?? it’s harder than it has any right to be#crack theory:: he had a bag - we just never saw it bc in the beginning he wore it under his floofy coat bc safety and he didnt need it the#rest of the time.#i have a lot of thoughts and headcanony opinions about klaus’s time on the streets so thank u#for giving me a place to dump some of them   

[pokefanbri]

1st I have to say this b4 I repeat the post from fb. This is a place where I can speak my mind freely without judgement, speak my peace even. Which is exactly what im gonna do so prepare for a read. So think what u want idc, but the last thing I wanna do is tick some1 I know off cause on some level there's a mutual appreciation & respect regardless of my impression. And anyone that reads this isn't obligated to understand my opinion & I dont expect u to. With my brain its my thought process to let information out of my head so I can put things aside, observe & absorb more lol. Writing is another tool or coping mechanism for my anxieties & other psych ailments, treatment for my mental health depends on it & other hobbies in other words, especially during shutdown, something to focus on. Heck even youtube is recommended by my doctor if it keeps me happy lol. But because ill be working again, I may not have time to do alot of things I like sadly..idk i just wouldnt want to be burnt out & focus on more important things. I have a high respect for anyone working around people during this time & it must worrisome for u too, means I have to keep on my toes as well soon..its a scary world out there for an introvert but I was killin it in NY too. It was just a slow steady process with all the limitations & moving my life up there wasn't easy to begin with but I pulled through & did it all...only for it to be taken away.

So, I'm an Irish, German, Canadian,British Mut from tucson. Maternal & paternal immidiate families lineage mixed made me, including my NY blood from my bio dad. The rest is all over Europe but u get the idea. Tucson may be where i was born & my 1st home without a father & raised not knowing (were mardi gras babies btw 😒)

But NY is & will forever be my 2nd home i dont care what any1 says, I felt I belonged there. Its the other half of me quite literally.Theres a memory that's really been bugging me. Last day b4 i left it, a bald eagle flew across my path in the sky no joke going NE & I was departing back to the SW. I chose the eagle years ago cause I identify with it. including the background symbolism in different phases of my life that included them lol, but to actually see one was just amazing.

They symbolize strength+freedom in general despite it standing for the country from sea to shining sea lol. Also Braviary was always in my pokemon team besides pikachu since its gen came out lol. I've always been strong, whether some believe it to be true or not is their problem, only I know the things I've gone through. Point is different ends of the spectrum its always been with me throughout in some way & im glad i got to share it with someone that gave me the freedom I needed.

But yea I experienced what its like to be there & got to know that part of me even if I didn't find him & maybe didnt care...I feel I was meant to be there. I was in touch with my roots, lower Temps & above sea level rather than high temps & below sea level 🤣 I loved everything about my time up there. It'll always be a part of me, & I hope to see it again. But I digress.

But in regards to the relationship itself, emphasizing on what i said b4. Just as it i got "settled" in it was gone & I had no clue what was happening without my knowledge, the whole plan to bring me back, all of it, the whole chain of events that unfolded the way it did starting with leaving a marriage in the 1st place to be with him i mean come on lol. Chasing a dream that didn't play out the way we had hoped. I took leap of faith & I ended up starting over twice in 1 year with no benefit of the doubt. I still have my ny health insurance for the rest of the yr, I have to add it to my list to apply again in az. Ive been wearing the wrong prescription glasses for 6 months under quarantine & they're just now getting to stage 4 of opening lol. Just understand how frustrating that actually is for someone like me & u totally get it 😅 U want to take care of business but sometimes you're limited & gotta work around it. had all that covered there & then was told I settled, wrong thing to say & its no wonder I didn't blow up in his face right there & then 😒. But I have retraint & can control myself. Though it was out of my hands the new relationship didn't have to go sour, been just as long if not more, could've actually thrived given the proper balance with room to grow. Idk, Sometimes I honestly don't think anyone believed in me. I mean I have no debt, no record, no kids, im a clean slate type of girl lol. Yes I did end up feeling unappreciated, underestimated, a bit neglected, insecure about my body, ashamed for being myself, & I shouldn't have to feel that way at all & if that happens there obviously something off. I just didnt know what it is he wanted & needed, i wanted to help & be a good partner to this dude but why is it bad to ask the same in return? I shouldn't have to drastically change myself to fit someones standard i know, but...i needed the old him back, I missed the old us & wanted to get back to that.. Was always so closed off & probably ended up in his own head who knows, maybe there was guilt for some of the things he did & didnt want to hurt me anymore, spare my feelings any more than it did b4 it was too late.idk whatever the excuse i still don't know what triggered it all to fail so easily & i don't think i ever will. But ending up with the conclusion that I was the problem, its narcissistic to even believe that & i won't accept it. Not when he can't confront his own issuse & put blame onto himself too.. it was a low blow & literally felt like my heart was pierced at the sound of it. If im to blame its the other way around as well. My point of view wasn't acknowledged so this is my take & experiences of happened so plz dont hate me for speaking my truth.

But yea I can tell when somethings not right & feel strong empathy for others emotions. I knew something was different, there were signs everywhere since the mistrust started & during the last half of that time with him I questioned everything but sat in my own headspace as well as he did just thinking about it. If anything we failed eachother, the blame is on us both but idk what else i could've done to get through to him. That's the stubbornness, he wouldn't budge. Despite how things went down..Leaves me to think, what was the point of having me there in the 1st place, to not follow through with our shared hopes & dreams but instead spiral into such resentment for me that the interest faded. But at the at the same time...even if it ended early for him, I didn't give up & I fought to keep us okay which it was for the most part. Hindsight is 20/20, it definitely wasn't negative all the time. In fact things were great between us & acted like goofballs together, that right there is a friend despite if the stronger feelings weren't mutual. Nobody with hate in their heart acts like that, he was good, the best, cheered me up when I was down, shared interests & did things for eachother. But that alone makes me question what was truth & what was fiction sometimes ever since the trust between us started to fade. Am I in the right to feel what im feeling right now? Im angry & upset yes very, but the kindness he had throughout..he did care in his own way...which makes things so much harder.

Tripadoodle if some way you're listening, I hope u know now where im coming from. For your own benefit & quest to be a better man like you always wanted...actually try. Head my advice. Making yourself better shouldn't be put on a womans shoulders to do for u without her getting lifted in return...its alot of weight to handle for 1 person to carry lol. Get off your ass & build on yourself, learn from everything that happened & become better for yourself & the sake of others, Because it starts with u. Go to church if possible or watch them, it really does help. Even from across the country I still want u to do just as good & help u as a friend. You promised we could remain friends & im holding my end of the bargain whether u like it or not lol it was your idea during the ride here. All I wanted in the end was to not lose u in my life completely...but i should be patient i know.. Theres more space, im not contacting u directly & respecting that, eventually ill stfu lol but I feel I need this rn. I should hate u,but I cant hate u, I do still care, u had that affect on me so much that I can't really listen to others when they say ur a douchbag lol, u were still my rock the whole time even if u didn't feel the same after a while & u did help me alot as well. I see the good in people & u are good, with well balanced snarkiness & humorous sass to boot. light a fire under ur own ass & ull be okay lol. Never stopped believing in u. Ive seen what you can do, you're very smart & know your sh*t, u will go far lol. And as a friend I'd lend u my strength if I could but the most I can do is pray for things like safety/protection, healing, forgiveness, guidance, etc. Leave it to God if u feel compelled to. Give zanabell a hug for me.

God i talk way too much 😅 No im not doing any of this for attention, I want my voice to be heard as well as a possible learning experience if it had that effect on anyone. The things we learn build character & help us understand a little more about ourselves. Probably shouldn't share cuz its nobody's business, yea ive thought of that too.. But its a blog lol, Tumblr allowed it to be that space, opinions and rants are allowed & encouraged. Nothing wrong with that 🤷‍♀️ so who gives a crap.

These are pictures of the NY sunrise & AZ sunset. Clouds always get me cuz of the shapes, used to to take pics of them all the time. once saw mario holding a hammer when I was a kid 😂 3rd & 4th pic is a split rainbow, never seen that b4...either someone found the gold or its deciding whether or not to connect. Probably was connected but I missed it lol. But then I looked behind me after the split 1 disappeared & a double rainbow was forming. Nature can be scary but also beautiful

[ex-empire-adventures]

What are you doing in my house

Rome has broken into Emil’s house for some reason... (rp with @ask-the-icelandic-little)

What are you doing in my house?

---------- The sudden question startled Rome and he nearly hit his head to the cupboard door. “I was…” He needed a moment to find the right words, english ones. “Well you know…” It didn’t help he was a little drunk, nothing worth mentioning ofcourse. “Hmn…” He sighed. What was he doing in this house again? “Oh yes I remember! I cut myself see when I climbed this stupid fence… because of the dogs chasing me…” he took a deep breath “Sooo, I’m going to need some bandages. No need to stay up for me.” He opened the fridge to continue his search.

---------- He raised his eyebrows slightly, but just sighed after hearing him, and sighed louder when he watched him. “You do know that bandages are not kept in a fridge, right?” He shook his head and showed to the couch. “Sit down, I will get them for you.”

---------- “Right, I knew that!..” steel closets are fridges, check! He sat down and looked around carefull not to bleed on anything. “You’ve got a nice house”

---------- He chuckled lightly as he got the bandages and walked back. “That are just these four rooms though, just a small apartment. Thanks though.” He sat beside him and rolled the bandages out, looking to Romulus to see where the wound was in the first place.

---------- “Ah, but you don’t need a lot of space when you don’t have a wife! Don’t ever get married. They have a way to re-order everything and you’ll never find any of your things ever again. They need to know where you are and what you’re doing and where you are going and for how long and with who… pffff” Romulus showed his hand that got cut, or rather pierced pretty bad “Don’t bother stitching it I’m sure it will be just fine for now. At least that dog didn’t got me XD”

---------- He laughed ironically as he carefully patched up the wound, looking out that he wouldnt hurt the other. “Thanks for the hint, but I dont think anyone would want to marry me in the first place. So dont worry, I dont think I will ever have that issue. I didnt had a roomate ever either, so…” He looks at the wound, but since the other said he wouldnt need to bother with stitching, he instead just hummed “Nadel and Faden” to himself. “If it would have been a dogbite, it would have been more difficult. We would need to disinfect it, then stitch it up, then bandage it. For now it should be okay though, I guess.”

---------- Rome fell silent for a while. “Are you lonely? I mean there’s nothing wrong being by yourself but being lonely can get under your skin and suck the life out of you. You are a handsome young man and really caring too! Most would have kicked me out, you know? Do you know there’s lots of girls out there who are dreaming to meet a guy like you! You are not shy are you?”

---------- He smiled lightly at the others worried voice, blushed slightly though when he was suddenly complimented. “I am… Just not really used to people. Not shy… Anyways, I am used to being alone, so its fine. And… I mean, I like girls too, but…” He slowly started to stutter, he didnt knew how to talk about such things, and much less how to talk with a completly stranger about such things.

---------- “HA HA Ha!!!” Rome started laughing really loud at Ice’s stuttering. “So you like men better, good for you! Ah man, I should have got me a boyfriend when I was young. Most my bosses did. I never had the time. Sure you can have sex at every streetcorner but that’s not the same, right? You want the full package deal i bet! Waiting for the right one are you?” he pat the other on his shoulder “Don’t wait forever, go out and get him instead” Romulus smirked at him

---------- He blushed bright at the others bluntness and looked embarrassed to the ground. Though the others open talk and friendly tone made him feel better, not as uncomfortable as he would have usually been. He even smiled lightly as he responded. “Well, yeah, sort of. It would be nice to have someone by your side who stays with you. Though… I wouldnt really know where to search. The places that I know here arent the best searching material.” He chuckled lightly and looked up to him again. “And who knows, its never too late. You seem really nice too, I dont think it would be difficult for you to find someone!”

---------- “Oh no, never go for locals, that’s boring! Broaden your horizon!… Oh I… well finding someone fitting for me could proof to be more difficult than it would seem at first sight, I suppose.” Rome looked at his hand, clearly the other had done this before. “Thank you. Ah, I must have lost my manners somewhere” He grinned, as he stuck out his hand “People call me Romulus.”

---------- “Well, it isnt easy to get away here, but I will try.” He smiled slightly in a try to cheer the other up. “And if you need to, I can always help. I may not be the best, but I could try.” He lightly grinned back at the other as he also reached out to shake his hand. “Name is Emil, nice to meet you. Even though that is a rather… unique way to meet someone for the first time.”

---------- "IT IS! Ha ha. I don't break into peoples houses on a daily basis, heh?! But it could be worse. We could have met on the battlefield or at a slavemarket or even a circus..." Rome stopped talking as if he remembered something. "That is kind of you. But I really do think it's not for me. Truth be told I don't think i'll ever get over my first crush, see?" He stood up a little out balanced.

---------- “It would have actually been nice to meet at a circus. I always wanted to join the circus when I was a kid…” He thoughtout loud to himself, smiling lightly as he guessed the other things had just been a joke. He looked just the slightest bit gloomy when he listened to the rest he had to say. “Thats alright. I sort of know that feel… In any case. If you need any help, now you know where to find me.” He smirked slightly. “That counts for every issue by the way. If you ever run into another fence again, as example.”

---------- He thanked again “Actually if you can give me directions to a taverne cause I’m not half as drunk as I should be on a friday night and I’ll be needing a bed also.”

---------- He slightly raised his eyebrows, then shrugged. “I have some drinks if thats all. Amaretto is pretty good, or licorice liquor. And I am pretty sure you cant sleep in any bar close by here, except you maybe know the bartender. Which I doubt though, since you ask.” You thought for a moment. “Wanna stay here? I mean I dont have anything better to do and its kinda nice to have someone around.”

---------- "Are you serious?! I snore pretty loud, HA HA HA!!!" Rome was really happy by the turn of events. "I don't know anything about this country. I just got here. Im glad you speak english because I don't speak that many lanquages really."

---------- “I only speak three languages, got here around two years ago though, so I guess its rather lucky. Or else I would have amde weird handsigns or asked google translate. And its fine, I mean its already loud outside around here, so I am used to sleeping with noise in the background.” He shrugged. “I dont mind, really.”

---------- “Great! Then you got yourself a roommate for tonight. I can tell you some epic stories from way back. Oh and I’ll teach you some drinking songs! I know lot’s! Let me get my bag I left it outside” he run off to the bathroom and climbed out the window. Appearantly that’s also how he came in. He returned with a ikea bag that seemed heavy but it didnt bother him. “There, id hate it if it starts raining and it gets all wet see?”

---------- He just looked briefly over the game, and then decided that is just how the other was. The words, the armor in the bag, the way he had come into the house, it probably made perfect sense for him. So why bother to worry? “It doesnt rain that often here, but just put the bag behind the couch. Should be okay there. And I really should learn some drinking songs, I never listen to enough music anyways. I havent heard a good story in a while either!” He almost was exited. Maybe it was his strong desire to just talk to someone nice again and be not completly alone as he had been in weeks. Maybe it was boredom. However, he seemed to like his new short term roommate.

---------- “Alright have you got some small glasses? Anything will do really. Shells are also good. The point is you drink after the ehh… What’s the word… when the song repeats? Anyway, the song gets better as you go! HAHAHA!!!” Rome kicked out his shoes, he wasnt wearing socks. “They look pretty but you can’t wiggle your toes that much. Im not used to them. Same for these skinny jeans. Whoever invented those should be hanged with one… Don’t give me that look I know Im old fashioned. You’ll be having trouble adjusting accordingly when you are ancient like me”

---------- “It’s fine, I prefer jogging pants and such too. Jeans can be pretty uncomfortable.” He shrugged. “And you don’t look ancient. Mid 40 at best, that’s not ancient at all!” He smiled lightly to him, before getting a bottle of alcohol and two glasses. “Do you mean when the refrain repeats?”

---------- Romulus giggled “flattering will get you nowhere.” he filled the shots. “the refrain, yes i guess that’s it! So, i’ll start with this one. It’s pretty old it’s latin but the words are easy so don’t worry” he started singing.

---------- “Hey, I can try!” He smiled, then thought for a moment. “Just like I once tried learning latin a bit.” He chuckled slightly embarrassed. “Was kicked out after half a year. I wasnt good with languages when I was a kid.” He just chuckled and listened at first, soon trying his best to join.

---------- “Hey, you’re doing great! Your pronounciation is a little off but you’ve got a beautifull voice. You should train it so you can reach more… This drink is really sweet, i like it!” Rome was really to get tipsy now and it was showing. “… Uhh yes… Where were we?… A song to my new friend and a drink on your health!”

---------- He clincked glasses with him before drinking again himself, slowly getting more comfortable with the singing, though not much better. “A drink to both our health!” He joined with a slight smile in the others speech pattern.

---------- “Oh,… This one is empty. How unfortunate they should make bigger ones” Rome put the bottle on the table. “Why is it there still aint wine coming out of tubs? Mankind have invented so many things. We have candycrush but we can’t have running wine, it’s a pity!” He took another bottle and pulled the other with him down on the couch. He had trouble opening the next drink so handed it over.

---------- He fell comfortably into the cushions, and, while he figured out through his slightly clouded mind how to open the bottle himself, answered his question. “Well, we do have hot chocolate out of fountains. I haven’t ever seen one, but there is probably something like that with wine too, though I think that would be something extra fancy.” To let the “fancy” stick out he flipped his hair to demonstrate. “For things like charity parties or marriages for the richest of rich I’d guess. We normal folks”, he handed over the open bottle, “Need to manage with this.”

---------- Rome giggled and lazily run his fingers over the others hair. “You got such beautifull smooth hair ever thought about growing it out?” He flustered suddenly realising he shouldnt have done that and looked away changing the subject. “I used to be rich. I gave it all away. I thought power and wealth was something that stayed forever. But at some point I realised I felt dead inside. Im a selfmade man, only fitting I got rid of it myself also. Well sort of anyway. The boys who took over changed everything and i suppose that’s a good thing.”

---------- He got quiet for a moment, just listening to the other calmly. He thought for a while about what he said, and nodded. “Seems like we both didnt have it easy, even if in different ways. I never had much, and at some point, I was willing to do everything to be able to call at least something my own. No matter if things or relationships. If I needed to be someone else so I wouldnt be completly alone or have at least something around me, I could deal with it.” He stayed quiet for a short moment. “I guess I still do that sometimes.” He looked at him, a bit curious. “Did you ever moved on from that?” He paused for a moment, not sure if he should have asked that. “Uhm… Just ignore that. Yeah, maybe I should grow my hair out, that sounds pretty nice actually.” He smiled lightly to him, hopingit would make the mood a bit less awkward.

---------- Rome returned a boyish smile “Ah I always wanted to grow my hair out when I was young because of my friends see. But I couldn’t… cause of the military? And I suppose it wouldn’t look nice on me anyway because I got thick curly hair it’s a curse… Uh oh, no it’s ok. Yes, I think I did move on. In this sense that when I was still working I was travelling abroad a great deal for my boss. And I made a lot of friends but my boss would always screw them over at some point and I’m looking like a complete dick. It didn’t really came as a surprise even my best friend wanted to stab me. So well… Not being able to do the things you like and having to fuck people over you like sucks the life out of you. That’s what I mean by feeling dead inside. Getting stabbed was an eye opener to me, I suppose. Everything just tumbled down from there and I… retired…. Are you still following me, because I’m a little drunk. Anyway so now I’m not bound by all that anymore and I hope to make some new friends now. And maybe try to restore some of the bitter old ones. If they’ll have me I don’t know.”

---------- “I can follow.” Emil stayed silent for a while, not really knowing how to respond. He couldnt completly understand the situation, not knowing what job this guy could have done that would have made him to such things. Maybe a retired criminal? Well, Emil thought he shouldnt just. HIs vest sure wasnt white either. “I am sure you can explain it to them in some way… It doesnt seem likeit was your fault in the first place.” He thought for a moment again, not really being good at such things. “If it cheers you up, you can see me as a new friend.” He gave him a light smile, hoping that wouldnt come off as insensitive. “And I think you wouldnt look bad with longer hair. Maybe not like, going to the ellbows, but a short ponytail could suit you. I could see that.”

---------- “You really think so?!” Rome was tearing up. He combed his curls out of his face and back trying to imaging having a manbun “Id love to be friends with you. But you must promiss me to be yourself to me. I’ll help you to get your life back on track, i promiss. I don’t want you to go hungry ever again.”

---------- Emil looked slightly panicked and quickly got out a handkerchief, holding it to him. “Yes, I think so! If they see you as sincere as you are now it will all be okay! Please don’t cry!” He awkwardly patted his head, just knowing that usually cheered him up a bit. “And I promise, I will do my best to be myself!” Despite his irritation at seeing the other cry, he couldn’t help but still smile at his words. “Thank you. I really appreciate the help.”

---------- “If you say so… I’ll try…” He wiped away his tears seeing it made Emil uncomfortable. “sorry, it’s been a rough week really. Working late and never knowing where i’ll sleep next. That’s why i travel light, see?”

---------- “Its alright… Sorry for commanding you…” He calmed down a bit again, taking a deep breath. He took a look to the others bag, and couldnt help but smile ironically. “I would call that traveling light though, it looks like anything but light.” He slighty patted his back, trying to cheer him up a bit again. “And if you like, you can stay here for a few days without issue. I am often out anyways, and you seem to be alright. I mean… There really isnt anything to rob here in the first place…”

---------- Rome started laughing “Robbing you? HA HA HA. There is just that much you can take with you on board. And theyll nitpick over everything, they even took my shampoo and sword at the airport.” he looked at his back “Im attached to that old stuff, they don’t make them the way they used to. But because i can’t pack that much I need to rent clothes for work to look a bit professional. What do you do if I may ask?”

---------- “I will take tour word for that then.” He smiled lightly and thought for a moment. “And I think you can carry sharp objects… like… swords? Anyways. I think you can carry then with you if you keep them seperate. As long as you don’t bring them on the plane personally it should be alright.” He shrugged. “Not sure, haven’t travelled in years. And I understand that attachment.” He wanted to make another comment, then got quiet for a while at the others last question. “Well… As for my work, I look the most professional if I wear nothing, at least most of the time.” He sighed before he answered. “I sell my body, to say it like that. And if I find someone serious my work is being a sugar baby, then more often selling simply my company…” He fidgeted around with the keychain, wanting to be honest, but obviously a bit uncomfortable with that theme.

---------- “Ah, I see…” Romulus said as he filled both their glasses again. Pity to let it go to waste, right? “So we’re both the biz, then? Man Id do the fucking for free, but Im basically a professional dad, Ha Ha! You wont believe how many lonely stewardesses are out there. They just want to talk about their day. Once they open up to me they talk all night long and I charge by the hour.” he shakes his head “The hard part is not to fall asleep”

---------- At first he was surprised that the other took it so easily, but when he listened he couldn’t help but chuckle. “Need to admit, can’t really blame them. You are easy to talk to, and pretty nice on top! And if you feel like nobody will listen to you, I probably wouldn’t mind either if it costs.” He shrugged and leaned back on the couch, taking another sip of the alcohol, and showing a light grin. “So, a sweet, professional dad? A true "sugar daddy”, how convenient for me!“ He giggled lightlt at his own pun.

---------- "The joke’s on you, you owe me 200,-” Rome joked “In different times I’d bought you a villa, now I’m pretty much broke. Im saving some money because Id like to get a degree to be a teacher. But I need to learn how to work with the computer first. I just want to spoil the kids rotten.” Rome couldnt resist to show pictures “This is my youngest, isnt he cute! I haven’t got a picture of my eldest, sadly, he doesn’t want his picture taken.” He looked real proud. “But sure i’ll get you sweets too, dear boy” he smirked

---------- “ITs alright. I wouldnt let you buy me a villa anyways.” He chuckled. “I would be happy with a small house on the countryside already ~ Really now, I need to save money too, and for now I would prefer to stick to small apartments. By the way.” He looked over curious to him. “Did you ever thought about getting a roommate? If you live somewhere together you both could ssave more money, it would be really convenient.” His thoughts where quickly distracted again when the other suddenly held some pictures in front of his face, and couldnt help but smile. “Okay, yes. They do look really cute!” He chuckled lightly, happy about the others enthusiasm. “And if you really want to, I like licorice best. It looks like candy, but its not sweet! Its deceiving candy!”

---------- “Roommates heh? Sounds nice but Im constantly on the move for now so that isnt very practical at the moment. I sometimes stay at ikea. Only got caught twice and then you can stay the night in a cel where they have beds also… Ahh have you heard in Reykjavik Ikea is going to built apartments for staff”

[janiedean]

(part 1) ur gonna roast me for this but im legit curious why mafia AUs are so bad? im asking in a non confrontational way, i get it romanticizing mafia is wrong, but i also believe that 1)most mafia AUs are a really toned down type of mafia;2)they do make for some interesting kinds of dynamics with fanart and with fics; 3)in a fic specifically u can create your own world and call something mafia and still make it so they don't kill innocent people but only idk members of other gangs or sth

(part 2) plus theyre a way to put ur charas in a completely diff context and see what theyll do. i mean i dont believe that writing ships in a certain context (like mafia) equals romanticizing that context. mafia AUs arent even my fav things to read (in fact i almost never do), im sure many ppl romanticize it and i obvs dont agree with that but im just trying to udnerstand bc i believe fandoms are a way to explore things that we normally wouldnt.

I’m not gonna roast you don’t worry xD okay wait let me check if I replied to this already if yes I’m gonna c/p because it’s half past midnight otherwise I’ll just go at it again wait *checks tags* fff obviously I don’t have a general post but anyway pls read this after you’ve done with my post and then this which is also choke-full of links. plus for a (not nice) laugh: here. AH WAIT I FOUND THE POST.

okay, so, let’s have it out of the way: I have nothing against mob aus or crime aus. I have a problem against calling them mafia AUs because in the US mafia = organized crime at large, in Italy mafia = ACTUAL EXISTING ORGANIZATIONS THAT ARE ACTIVELY HARMFUL. now that I introduced the topic I’ll c/p you the reply I gave to another anon who while discussing the issue pointed out that most writers don’t even know Italian mafia is a thing, which is pretty much on the same discourse so...

*The thing is - in the US it might not be enough of a deal anymore and I honestly do get why people make the mafia = regular mobsters, since the mafia was the first foreign organized crime being exported to the US via italian immigrants (sorry if this sounds horrible in English but I just woke up and I still didn’t have coffee) so I understand that mafia became the umbrella term.But the thing is that - as you said, these people don’t even know that there’s a mafia in Italy anymore or where the word comes from.

 I’m going to link to italiansreclaimingitaly’s tag about the mafia and its perception outside Italy because they posted about this extensively and it’s an excellent resource, but meanwhile I’m gonna do a very short bullet point list and about the topic:

Mafia might not be a big deal in the US, but it still is here. We have the beauty of four different mafias (Cosa Nostra - the Sicilian one, camorra which is the one in Campania but has tendrils spread everywhere, the 'ndrangheta which is in Calabria and the Sacra Corona Unita in Puglia) which are all active [especially camorra and 'ndrangheta] and whose actions have direct impact (negative) on our economy and on our society. Actually mafias are one of the main reasons we’re currently economically fucked up, and if I start talking about how mafia culture keeps some areas literally backwards I could talk about it for three months.

There are still people who are killed for standing up against them. These days the most prominent personality is Roberto Saviano who is a writer who dared to put together a book documenting minutely the way camorra works and he’s been living under protection for years by this point. Like, they want him dead because he wrote a book. And I’m sorta sure that he was talking about leaving Italy and going to the US after years of sticking with it here because he can’t take it anymore but I don’t know if it was a taken decision or if it’s still debating it.

It wasn’t even thirty years ago that we had the stragi di mafia - in english it’d be something like the mafia slaughters, basically around the beginning of the nineties there were a number of bombs planted by the mafia targeting people who were trying to oppose it including judges Falcone and Borsellino, actually the anniversary of Falcone’s death is like... tomorrow. And they’ve killed people for way longer than that. Here is a list of only Cosa Nostra victims including the ones from the eighties/nineties. And people are still dying because of it. The slaughters I’m referring to are just the ones in the nineties which are enough of a number.

They also perpetuate a culture where if you testify against your mafia-employed relatives you’ll be shunned forever. There are women who testified against their families and couldn’t see their children anymore never mind that they weren’t automatically considered a relative anymore the moment they sided against the mafia. Some people have committed suicide after becoming witnesses also because our police force/justice system can be terribly non-supportive in this kind of situation so they got left on their own. Never mind that back in the day - it was the beginning of the nineties? - I recall at least a particular story of - I think, correct me if I remember wrong but I can’t remember the names for the life of me - where this guy testified against the local mafia when he either used to work for them or was forced to pay them the pizzo and in retaliation his six-year old (or five? Anyway he had a son younger than ten for sure) got kidnapped, killed and thrown into acid to dispose of the body. That happened in what, 1993? 1994? It’s pretty much yesterday. And now the camorra is doing the same - there’s a list here of camorra victims among which accidental passerbys that got killed because they were in the way which I can tell just by glancing is not complete. And I’m not even going into the 'ndrangheta. That is to say, here mafia still kills people and cripples our country.

Now, I get that it’s a word, but the point was: let’s say that instead of the Italians the Japanese came to the US first and the umbrella word for organized crime was yakuza rather than mafia and let’s say yakuza was still what it was originally in Japan while in the US it stopped being a big deal and people write yakuza!AU instead of mafia AU. Let’s say someone Japanese gets angry at that and goes like 'listen the yakuza is a real deal it does this this this and that and it’s a plague in our country so can you please at least look it up before writing your fanfic’, which is what had happened way back then when this whole mafia and fanfic thing blew up. A bunch of people told us to get over it because it’s just a word and if it’s a problem in Italy it’s not in the US so why should they care? Now, if we had been Japanese (or Chinese or Russian or Mexican) would they have said the same thing? Considering the general tumblr attitude I’m pretty sure they would have received either an apology or 'this is an important deal let’s keep that in mind’ with signal boost reblogs and stuff. 

It’s the fact that we should get over people not knowing that it’s still a real problem for us and that they can’t take five seconds to google it that is the problem imo. Especially when instead of mafia au you can just say mobsters au or tag it as organized crime and everyone is a lot happier, mostly because as the tag above explains romanticising the mafia is a good thing for them because it means they can act outside Italy with less stigma because everyone thinks that the mafia is dead or not relevant anymore, if I’m explaining myself. (And it’s active outside Italy - like, there was a mafia kill in Germany in 2007 where six people died (sorry the link is in Italian but there isn’t an English wiki page, if you look the city up you’ll find something probably) and it was because of the 'ndrangheta.

I’d really like to not get worked over it because it meant it was a thing of the past y'know, but the problem is that it isn’t and I’d rather spread some awareness in hope some of these writers look it up (because it’s a good thing that people know what mafia is since as stated they have tendrils everywhere - if you read Saviano’s book the entire first chapter is about how camorra regularly deals with Chinese import/export in Italy for one) than shrug and figure that since they’ll think everything is good for fanfic then it’s not even worth my time.*

Now, ^^^ that was the c/p-ed reply that should answer most of your doubts. What I didn’t address was:

im sure many ppl romanticize it and i obvs dont agree with that but im just trying to udnerstand bc i believe fandoms are a way to explore things that we normally wouldnt.

aaaand as we say here in Italy, this is where the donkey falls (sorry we have weird sayings), because in theory there’s nothing wrong with that... except that in 99% of the mafia aus I’ve seen around the thing is that they’re supposed to be cute.

like, I see a lot of shit with TINY MAFIA BOSS STEVE ROGERS with RUSSIAN ENFORCER BUCKY (????? bucky isn’t even russian???) and the yoi thing I saw before had the japanese character being the leader of a russian mafia gang which is... like... guys it doesn’t happen it really doesn’t, and a lot of them re-use wrongly terminology taken from the godfather without context or knowing what the hell it means, and it’s always from the criminals’ pov and they’re somehow seen as criminals doing justice where the police can’t (???) and like... no. mafia bosses/enforcers/employees are bad people period, and at least here if you try to leave or repent they kill your family in retribution. like, not even ten years ago there’s been a woman who used to belong to a mafia family (or one colluded with the mafia) who testified and her entire town/family shunned her and she couldn’t take it anymore and... killed herself drinking acid if I don’t recall wrong. it’s not even special cases. this shit is not funny, it’s not cute, it’s not adorable and it’s not good fodder for your imagine your otp scenario (srsly I saw one like.. let me find it,

LIKE. just look at this shit. in a regular context, the enforcer goes to the show owner to force them to pay a monthly sum to their boss lest they destroy their shop and their lives and their family’s life never mind that mafia culture is deeply homophobic so the mafia enforcer flirting with the shopkeeper is like completely fucking out of the question. I mean, people here like to shit on the sopranos but that show was actually excellent representation of Horrid Criminals Who Were Never Supposed To Be Good People and the small arc that happened when one of tony’s friends turned out to be gay (closeted) was REALLY well done. btw, it ended that when they found out he was gay most of the crowd rejected him and thought badly of him until I think they killed him also for other reasons, but that spiraled from finding out he liked dick. and that’s american mafia that they actually based on well-done research of the culture in Italy it came from, I assure you that here it doesn’t work that differently. like. the shit above is so inaccurate and frankly offensive, it’s like... I get people romanticizing problematic stuff but the thing is that when you tell them that it’s actually offensive you get brushed off as ‘ah well you’re being too sensitive it’s just a word u__u’. now, I’m all for exploring shit we wouldn’t be into, but not like THAT, because that’s like mafia romantic comedy and that’s not how it works. now, you wanna do a fic where the mafia characters are deeply flawed and bad people and the police tries to catch them? fine, great, go ahead. you wanna do a fic where the enforcer above deals with dunno an entire life of internalized homophobia when he finds the shopkeeper attractive and feels conflicted over having to con money out of him and doing horrible shit for a living and maybe understanding that crime isn’t worth it and then he actually collaborates with the police and gets shit from about everyone he knows and loves for that? okay, awesome, go ahead. nothing bad in that.

but the shit above is not exploring things we wouldn’t/writing darkfic, it’s THINKING THAT A CRIMINAL ORGANIZATION WHICH IS STILL A THING IN OUR PART OF THE WORLD IS CUTE AND ADORABLE. and that only plays in their favor because it takes the bad aura out of the word and we really should not let that happen. like. that is what is bad about mafia aus and mafia discourse, that people don’t realize the mafia is alive and well and thriving and not a thing that doesn’t exist or a generic word for organized crime.

you wanna write the shit above? okay, CALL IT CRIME AU or mob au, not mafia au.

btw, add-on: idk if I mentioned it in the above post or not, but in case I didn’t, I said that people would balk at the idea of a mexican cartel au. sadly since then I’ve found out a fandom where not only there is one but it’s also extra cutesy and people apparently love it and it has a bunch of kudos/comments and idek I’m not even touching that with a ten foot pole but like... I’ve avoided it and everything that author wrote because to me it’s just... nope. like, nope. if you do mafia aus don’t make them fucking cute. (also: in the same fandom I had to mute a v. famous fanartist whose art I actually liked but did cutesy mafia aus and.. like... haahahhaahahahahaha nah sorry. can’t go there. nope.)

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Carly

Ali: Ich glaub ich spinne Carly: wtf Carly: do you want a drink babe? Ali: ze german, baby Ali: i'll say no but get why you're saying yes so early Carly: k more for me Carly: nobodys in a sharing mood today Ali: yeah? Carly: yea Carly: no fun Ali: Leben ist kein Ponyhof Carly: give drew a slap for me k Ali: it would be my pleasure Ali: can i ask how he's pissed on your parade from over here tho Carly: the boy played me Carly: he wanted me to beg for what id just given him the prick Carly: shouldnt have drunk this much this soon my bad Ali: he's a fuckboy Ali: you knew that Ali: my sister on the other hand remains frustratingly oblivious Carly: dont be mad at me Carly: ive been trying to get him to dump her this whole coach ride Ali: I'm not mad at you, babe Ali: no room with how much ugh I have for him Ali: well, hopefully she will him Carly: he thinks shes gonna fuck him in berlin Ali: prick Ali: won't when she finds out Carly: you cant say anything cuz i wasnt meant to Ali: Let himself fuck it up then Ali: he's not being subtle Carly: he cant do subtle Carly: me and him have that in common like Ali: Carly Ali: do you like him? Carly: why Ali: because I think you do Carly: it doesn't matter what you think Carly: he thinks she's girlfriend material & im a slag Carly: hes not wrong either Ali: If you like him, then you should say Ali: regardless, shouldn't let him be a cunt to you, and Ro in the process Ali: who the fuck is he Carly: ha Carly: i dont like anyone baby Carly: I'm just bored Carly: berlins a whole new party Ali: well, good Ali: one less worry Ali: I wish you the perfect holiday fling Carly: aw Carly: youre still the sweetest Carly: sure you dont want a drink while theres some left? Ali: need it now so fuck it Ali: chuck it over Carly: come over Carly: you kno youre the sporty one Carly: i cant be throwing things round the coach Ali: alright, you calling baby spice, I assume? Carly: or scary Carly: depends whos asking Carly: cant be posh tho Ali: yeah you can Ali: she weren't even and you can rock that pout just as well Carly: aw Carly: you should be baby tho youre the cutest Ali: little school all over again, we can't all be baby, lads! 😂 Ali: i'll be ginger, if you wore that iconic dress on your site, you'd get lynched Carly: yea Carly: & if anyone would cause drama by going solo its you Carly: Marlene been knew Ali: Ouch 💔 Ali: but fair Ali: Already thinking about her due to namesake birthplace but you really went there Ali: please tell me I haven't tanked as hard, not got Drew's fragile ego like but 😥 Carly: you kno im just mad youre not thinking about me Carly: dont listen to a word i say Carly: goldies got a fragile heart now too, so sad you broke up w me & stole his bf on top Carly: someone think of the golden god Ali: baby Ali: yeah, that's TOTALLY what the weird vibe is all about Ali: moody twat, soz a threesome is outta the question now Carly: he likes you too Carly: thats a thing Carly: playing like im the one hung up but he is Ali: Nah Ali: that boy don't know what he wants Ali: not down for him using my bestie and sister to find out though, fuck off and soul search like the rest Carly: he wants you Carly: but you got your boy & he shouldnt be trying to mess w Carly: meant to be his boy too Ali: so he reckons but give him 5 minutes before he weren't arsed Ali: don't trust him as far as I can throw him so ain't taking his word on that either like Ali: exactly Ali: 🐍 Carly: id leave him alone if he was happy being w her but i kno he isnt Carly: not letting him lie to me Ali: it doesn't have to be your problem Ali: or your job to make him happy Ali: knew it though Carly: ha Carly: it isn't my problem Carly: & i cant keep a job you kno Carly: couldnt do that one if i was paid like Ali: no one can babe Ali: not to be that hippie cliche about it Ali: but forreal, gotta do that shit himself Carly: its Carly: how he makes me feel sometimes Carly: not happy im not living that lie but Carly: its not nothing & sometimes its good you kno Ali: yeah Ali: i know Ali: but you can have more, if you want Ali: that is possible Ali: you don't have to settle for sometimes good Carly: youre sweet but youre a dreamer babe Carly: ive got nothing going on not in my head & not around me Carly: theres no more than settling down on the site or settling for being off whenever i can Ali: s'not true Carly: yea it is Carly: you dont want it to be but that dont mean its not Carly: me and that boy have more in common than not being subtle like Ali: it ain't Ali: doesn't have to be Ali: nothing is set in stone unless you pour the fucking cement yourself, like Carly: it doesnt have to be doing it but it can still get poured Carly: forget it tho Carly: im drinking on empty & feeling sorry for myself Carly: no fun in that Ali: ain't that fast drying Ali: dust yourself off and run Carly: where to babe Carly: nowhere to go but the coach bathroom Carly: been there done that Ali: well hang on a bit and we'll be in a whole new country, babe Ali: promise is a promise and we can start in Berlin Carly: but 3s a crowd when its not a party Carly: im not trying to mess you & your boy up Carly: cant tell drew off if i do Ali: nah Ali: it ain't like that Ali: not got the blinkers on and knowing each other's passwords and schedules Ali: got trust Carly: yea? Carly: got food too or Carly: cuz im gonna vom if you say no Ali: Yes Ali: Lemme food parcel Carly: if you havent lost the knack Carly: been awhile Ali: 😔 Ali: i'm soz Carly: dont be Carly: you kno i love you Carly: no drama Ali: i love you too Ali: and you would tell me if you needed something wouldn't you Ali: 'cos that ain't changed, i'm still here Ali: unlucky bitch Carly: unlucky for you Carly: shouldnt be on site unless theres something in it for you babe Carly: all i need is to remember breakfast before i get on a sess Carly: & to dilute my spirits sometimes too Ali: there is, you nutter Ali: there you go, who said school trips weren't educational? only on the bus and you're whacking out the wisdom already Carly: not as thick as i look Carly: ms woodfield was thinking it too i reckon Carly: she might kno but im still gonna blame the shit driver if i vom Carly: try and stop me bitch Ali: you look nothing but amazing hush Ali: she's down with the kids, she'll hold your hair back Carly: you hush Carly: trying to make me emotional in front of the front of the coach Ali: it's alright, join Millie Rooney and say you're homesick 😉 Carly: idk whats sadder everyone thinking im crying over an empty caravan or that prick thinking its about him Ali: 😬 i know what i reckon Ali: better dry those tears, babygirl Carly: get his phone for me tho yea Carly: i am mad he gets me & i get nothing back Carly: use the magic Ali: use my mad hacking skillz gotcha Ali: but should I use them for good and accidentally forward some incriminating shit to Ro? 🤔 Ali: this is why we're not meant to play God Carly: do what you must Carly: i trust you Ali: don't worry, sure you're not the only girl he's been chatting too Ali: no offense meant obvs but you know Ali: don't have to drop you in it, as if its your fault but idk, Ro isn't always willing to be entirely rational when it comes to him Carly: idc she never liked me much anyways Carly: better that than dropping some naive random in it Carly: everyones seen me naked if it blows up Carly: old news Carly: & the vid was good too i look hot Ali: hmm, good point on the random Ali: and I don't doubt that you did Ali: I'll have to think on this a bit harder Carly: k Carly: if everyone gets in my inbox ill kno Ali: god Ali: people are gross Carly: can be fun sometimes Carly: cant all be angels like you babe Ali: 🖕 Ali: you know i ain't Carly: i kno you are Carly: too sweet Ali: pot kettle baby Ali: but your secret's safe with me 😘 Carly: ha Carly: its no secret im only sweet to you so youre the only one who needs to kno Ali: 'cos people suck Ali: that's no secret Ali: not gonna waste your time, are you, like Carly: not as good at picking out the deserving ones as you Carly: no secret i fuck up more than i dont Carly: how many bad decisions can i make before berlin tho Ali: nah, you're just too nice for your own good Ali: you know he don't deserve it but people have made the same (wrong) judgment on you so you can't do it back Ali: to anyone Ali: even genuinely shitty people, or people who'd be better off for the nudge of nah Carly: now whos dropping the wisdom Carly: ill just screenshot those few sentences for my ma when she's on at me Carly: im a nice person bitch Ali: 💅☕ though Ali: i'll translate it into spanish for her if she's not getting the memo in plain english Carly: ha Carly: she got well excited cuz she thought berlin had a red light district Carly: thought she was gonna get in my bags Carly: one way to stop me fucking drew in the front row but Ali: pretending i didn't hear that last bit ew Ali: moving on Ali: she wanna get in the windows or like? Carly: she did get the sack so probs Carly: or she thinks itll be like magic mike the german dub idk Ali: oh honey Ali: every nights a hen night Ali: 🙄 Carly: imagine if theyd let mas and das on this trip Carly: i couldnt have come Ali: me either Ali: no one needs that Carly: your ma is so scary Carly: but shed put goldie in his place Carly: probs shouldve brought her Carly: keep me behaving Ali: she literally wants to murder him Ali: need a restraining order and more than mr murray and mr latimer to keep her back Carly: ha Carly: love it Carly: cant she break up the happy couple Carly: my da did me & this beautiful traveller lad that took my v Ali: 💔 Ali: is he married now Ali: if we're doing matchmaking Ali: but in answer, she learnt that forbidding something makes it 1000x more likely to happen and in more secretive, intense ways so Ali: I'm soz Ro, really fucked you over on that one Carly: idk my da literally moved them on Carly: threat of getting the law Carly: k but he still wouldnt be into it Carly: i feel bad for her Ali: ugh Ali: so romeo and juliet, baby you must've been so about it 'til he fucked it up that hard Ali: yeah, i know Ali: i'll figure out something Carly: i was only 12 so i did have the mindset Carly: worth it tho Carly: prettiest boy ive ever seen Ali: swizzle on that, goldilocks Carly: everyone wanted to fuck him Carly: the whole site was feeling the love Carly: fun times Ali: like a beatle was living in your back garden Ali: love that Carly: i peaked Carly: all there is now is a golden god who behaves like a idiot boy Ali: i mean, won't take offense 😒 sat right here and all but no 😉 Ali: there's a whole world of dick out there i promise you Ali: some attached to boys who don't behave like one Carly: ha Carly: you know you're my fave Carly: but youre sat next to him so I cant tell it Ali: 💚 Ali: won't even tell you who i lost my v to Ali: too shaming Carly: now you have to Ali: 😬😫 Ali: okay but then i'm going for a piss so i don't have to feel the pity Carly: baby id never feel sorry for you Carly: w my life come on Ali: you might sympathize though 'cos it was ronan Ali: why he got all weird, probs Ali: eurgh repressed memories flooding back in with the shame 😂 Carly: shit Carly: i told drew all first times are bad but wouldnt wish him on you like that Carly: oh ronan Carly: he better not have treated you like he did me Carly: ill fucking kill him like Ali: aw babe Ali: my hero 💪 Ali: you know what he's like but that shit is long in the past with us so meh Carly: im gonna cry Carly: babe thats sad Carly: & now ms woodfield is staring at me k Ali: don't cry silly Ali: is what it is Carly: im crying and planning murder Ali: you went there too, and other various dickheads, so where's my invite to this party? Carly: but youre perfect Carly: and it was your first time Carly: actual tears in the front row Ali: oh babe Ali: i'm coming over Ali: bog roll in hand Carly: youre too good Carly: im so sad Ali: 😇 that's you Carly: all you tho Ali: nu-uh Ali: you you you Carly: i cant argue cuz im blinded by my tears Ali: not the greatest victory I've ever then Ali: but I'll take it if you smile again Carly: waiting for ms woodfield to tell me i need jesus Carly: ill laugh then Ali: okay, i'll try and lead the convo and her like Ali: we got this, woody Carly: nah if you try and lead her anywhere itll only go one way Carly: teachers pet Ali: 😂 Ali: do you reckon she loves that everyone lowkey drools over her 'cos she's the right side of 40 Ali: or is she desperately job hunting like these fucking kids Carly: i can see in her eyes she loves it Carly: she hates me cuz i dont Carly: facts Ali: not 'cos you never do your work, nah 😏 Carly: & im drunk as fuck rn on her watch Ali: i mean Ali: if YOU were doing your job properly darling Ali: mad you beat her to it, they always get plastered on trips Carly: yea Carly: bet shed take nudes in the bathroom if she had someone to send them to Ali: ooh what teacher could she homewreck Ali: school trip always a perfect place to start an affair Carly: Mr O'Brien could get it if you were old Ali: good shout Ali: getting out my bow as we speak Carly: Mr Cork is alright too but he looks like he'd shower after holding hands Carly: weird Ali: I mean Ali: cleanliness is next to godliness Ali: dirty hoe Carly: ha Carly: you kno it Ali: might be a serial killer Ali: but you wouldn't catch nowt off him Carly: dont have to go home if he murders me Carly: scatter me in berlin lad Ali: 😨😭 noooooo Ali: even if i could go neeson and avenge you Carly: dont go neeson off set tho Carly: your boy wouldnt love the racism Ali: don't wanna be that bitch Ali: problematique Carly: enough bitches on this coach Carly: for once not looking at you ms woodfield Carly: we ever getting there? i thought getting wasted would make me less bored not more Ali: and lowkey racists Ali: all comes out the woodworks when you outed, that gay bashing all afresh like Ali: seriously, why couldn't we go on a plane Carly: & overt racists Carly: that cash tho Carly: how would the teachers afford to get wrecked if they blew the budget Carly: gotta blow each other first Ali: ☕ Ali: dickheads Carly: when goldilocks isnt the biggest twat on the coach tho Carly: idk what to do w that Carly: universe trying to make me like him Ali: give him time Ali: sure he'll reclaim his title 💪 Carly: he'd love a crown Carly: or a medal Carly: get crafting Ali: only if I can get biblical Ali: crown of thorns, you mean barbed wire, okay Carly: ha Carly: im tired come & nap w me Ali: okay boo Ali: as far as pillows go 😏 Carly: serious Carly: i dont wanna sleep on my own Carly: hate it Ali: i remember Ali: coming Ali: promise

[renzinator-now-blog]

Here’s my new Sole Survivor: Name: Moira “Moxie” Oxford Age:28 Pronouns/Identity: Ze/Zir Agender Ethnicity: Korean-American Career: conscripted into US Air Force Sexual Orientation: Lesbian S: 6 P: 1 E: 6 C: 1 I: 8 A: 1 L: 5 Ze’s a no nonsense, straight forward, punch the problem away kinda sole. They’re smart enough to problem solve, but prefer the “physcial” touch. Brass knuckles and tire irons are zir favorite, and Moxie will never turn down a drink. They’re Ambidextrous, Trilingual (Korean, Mandarin, and English), Hates sweets and children, loves dogs and robots. Ze only talks when ze has to.

Okay The Interesting Part, zir pre-war story: So to fix the crap start story without messing with the start me up mod, ive just head canoned a better reason for Nate, Shaun, Sanctuary Hills, and the disapointingly unrealistic forced career of Lawyer for “Nora” Okay so before being sent out to fight in the war Moxie had a normal life in the city working for the air force as a spy pilot and enemy chatter translator. Not Married, no kids. Then when Moxie gets shot down and shipped home Ze wakes up in the hospital with a whole new fake life. No explanation, no warning, just everything has been changed around them. Suddenly Moxie’s married, not only the most boring man in all of existence, but a man ze’s never heard of, much less met and married. Nate Noname, He talks as if theyve been married for years, calls ze she and Moira, zir birthname. Too weak to fight ze is taken back to what looks like a hastly constructed “American Dream” Levittown cul de sac, almost like a movie set. I mean theyre arent any other buildings anything like these “perfect” show model houses anywhere in Boston. Not to mention its smack dab in the middle of the Minutemen National Historical Park for gods sake. Once there it becomes apparent how deep this deceptive life replacement has gone. There was wedding pictures ze never posed for, knick knacks from their childhood. Their birth certificate, ID, social security card, bank accounts, hell even their answering machine ALL have “her” “married” name on them, even zir voice on the answering machine. Ze calls their parents, just to be congratulated on the wedding, they hang up before ze can get more information from them. All zir old contacts act this way, even ex girlfriends and old friends who know ze would NEVER marry a man. Ze gets desperate and calls zir superior officer in the Air Force only to be told “she” has never been in the armed forces and flatly deny that ze was shot down or ever even a pilot to begin with. Zir dog tags are gone, and so is their hap arnold airforce wings tattoo. The study has a diploma for a law degree in their maiden name. The neighbors all talk as if “she’s” their best friend, a perfect neighbor, baking pies and hosting game night, dismissing zir claims of being Moxie the pilot and not Moira the housewife and lawyer. when ze rushes back to their old apartment a few days later someone else lives there, no record or even the slightest mark that ze lived their for 8 years. Even the specific burn patterns on the counter from zir cooking fiasco, gone. If it wasnt for zir memories ze would have to believe this was always zir life, Moira Noname, wife to Nate, lawyer, homeowner, and social butterfly. Except none of it is true. weeks go by like this, ever new way ze thinks of to get away foiled, always corralled back into suburban hell with a wave and a smile. 2 days before the bombs fall Moxie’s nearly lost zir mind, zir identity. Ze’s starting to doubt their old life. It’s been 6 months since ze woke up, the only anchor Ze’s got left to their old life is the unwavering conviction that this cant be my real life because I would never identify as a woman again, and I defiently wouldnt marry a man. Still, Ze is nearly resigned to this fske life, stuck in a zombie like depression. Nate never wavers, always watching always cheerful, like he cant hear zir cuttting responses to his lovey dovey newlywed talk.Ze decides He’s either brainwashed or extremely dedicated. Ze sleeps on the couch, every attempt at renting an apartment or even a hotel room ending in excusses that the resources are need by the war effort, rooms always full, rental applications always lost. Back to the two days before the bombs, Nate suddenly starts panicing, exclaiming its time its time! Its okay honey ill get you to the hosptial just breathe, forcing “her” into the car off to the hosptial. The doctors act as if “shes” going into labor despite the obvious lack of a baby belly. The give zir something, ze passes out. When Moxue wakes up theres a baby in zir arms and that freak of nature Nate Noname beaming next to zir. He’s named it shaun. Its a real newborn, looking just as Korean as its “parents”. Moxie goes back “home” in a daze, baby in tow. Where did this infant come from, did they steal it from some poor couple, and how can Moxie be expected to take care if it!! Ze hates kids. Moxie cant love this strangers baby, but ze feels sympathy for it, ripped from its real life. Ze wont abandon it entirely, but their is no emotional connection to him. The day the bombs fall feels like a dream. Its like Ze’s walking on air the whole way to the vault, going as slow as possible, seeing the bombs fall would mean it wasnt a trick, even if they killed zir it would be worth it to get a final sense of reality. Nate waits for zir as ze waltzes down the paths out of sanctuary. Whatever or whoever has tied him to zir fate has throughly done their job, he seems to be ready to die for this role he’s playing. The baby, he’s holding it. Nate wont go in the vault without zer. Moxie’s not heartless enough to end the life of an innocent child. If it were only Nate she’d gladly watch that fucker burst into flames. But no, the child hasnt done anything to deserve this. So Ze gets on the platform, relieved when the ICBM screams overhead. It really is the end. Zir’s last thought before the platform pulls them in is “whose guinea pig am I going to be now?”

THANK YOU FOR READING THIS FAR IF YOU DID!! Im gonna leave it opened ended meaning it could either be a really elaborate military experiment on one of their own soldiers to see if someone can be broken through sheer mental force into accepting a reality they know is false, OR ze had an compelte mental break and made up a fake life for themselves, either life could be the fake one. In the military version Nate is a sadistic yet dedicated solider playing a role for science and his country, shaun stolen from some poor couple shipped off to an interment camp. In the mental break version she really was married and pregnant, Nate watching helplessly as his wife looses her mind, trying to keep their life together. So yeah hope you like the idea. I prefer the militsry experiment version myself. I just really like this headcanon as it gives a great explanation for why Nate and Shaun feel so disconnected, distant, fake, or just plain boring from the sole survivor. Esp if youve played more than once. i mean the plot is only interesting the first time, after that i was like shaun who? Fuck adult shaun by the way. hes a stuborn racist bastard.

[viewofsal]

Alrighty. EFF IT- LIFE UPDATE POST!

Soooo a lot of good things have been happening in my life. I know from my posts I sound bitter, sad, heartbroken, blah blah but its been a rough time in my life and I’m finally understanding and accepting my life, my lessons, my blessings, my mistakes and experiences. *Someone told me recently my blog is very raw* but I like to keep it real and what not, plus no one knows me on here lol i have followers from all over the US to international countries as well. Also I feel like I haven’t done an “intro” about myself in a long time.. I think since I’ve started blogging so what the hell…. this is going to be long but hey whatever!

Intro!-

Hey guys! Im Salia Sheikh, 25 (old af, jk!), I look younger than my age (thanks to good genes lol), I am still in school, pursuing a career in Business. I love to read, write (duh I have a blog for a reason!), paint, work out, try new food, BIG FOOD JUNKIE, binge watch amazing shows on Netflix (bae for life), I love the color purple and blue. If school wasnt so damn expensive and I didnt have a timelime (being brown aint fun… sometimes) I would definitely get a degree in business of course, dermatology and psychology. I love learning new things and expanding my mind. I come off as a bitch sometimes to people because of the way my face can be… AKA RESTING BITCH FACE. But honestly its just me observing and understanding how people think and work. I know I am a weirdo but whatever! Humans are so freaking interesting. Oh did I mention I live in PNW!? Seattle. <3 Rain city lol. If I could live anywhere else it would be California, Chicago or New York. Anywho enough about me… lets get into the juicy stuff right?

This summer I had a lot going on! I was at the doctors a lot, i went through a lot exams for my breast cancer and it was a very rough time… but I got through it. Alhumdulillah I have such amazing friends and family to support me and were there for me. Along with that,  I went through a very harsh break up and I know that a few posts below this one I went off on my ex FJ, but in this post Im not going to bash on him or anything. Honestly…. my tumblr isnt made to bash on anyone. I wouldnt want to be talked about on the internet but sadly… it happens. So anyways, I went through a rough heart break that honestly I dont blame anyone but myself and because of this heartbreak I am beyond hard on myself with a lot of things but especially guarding my heart, my feelings and letting anyone in. I was told by someone that I wore my heart on my sleeve and that I took this relationship too seriously. Its true, I was madly and crazy in love with him but he wasnt. I would push and force him to make it work but when the other person doesnt see any solution or anything to fix it, you should really just back off Sally. One person cant do all the work, it becomes so draining. I literally have so much love to give but at the same time Im just kind of tired, exhausted, bitter and numb. Its weird because I just said Im full of love but at the same time a heart break really gets you guarded. But you know this was a lesson for myself, to not get ahead of yourself, dont have expectations and if you arent getting what you deserve please walk the fuck away, like ASAP. Just abort lol. Because at the end of the day as hurt as I was, I made myself go through hell because I chose to be like very stupid, LIKE VERY. But at the same time, I take it as a blessing in disguise in many ways and a lesson I would love to teach my daughters and possibly sons. Anywho… along with this I was in school UGH, but because I have a goal and I am so motivated I didnt let it affect my school at all. One thing I did do in the past was let such little things like this get in the way of my focus in school and at the end of the day my dreams and career will be right next to me but the person whos temporary will not be. I will not sacrifice my school for anything. This summer I went to Atlanta with all of my cousins and we had so much fun! And then I came back and attended another wedding. It was a lot of chaos but a lot of fun. I come from a very huge family on both sides, and if youre brown you know three day weddings are HECTIC AS HELL! But I gotta say it was a roller coaster type summer.

Once all of the wedding shenanigans were over and all of my cousins flew back to the East Coast and I started school again. After my break up I really started focusing on my mental health, focusing on school, having a better relationship with my parents (its been a rough road but alhumdulillah I am so blessed with such amazing parents. esp my mom helping me a lot through my break up and all .) I didnt even think about talking to any guys or whatever it was literally not even in my head because I was so focused on myself. But a little birdie out of the blue and into my life for a short time but a sweet time. HA is literally every brown girls dream man. A little white wash (EDM LOVER), knows urdu, deen, open minded, handsome as hell… and family orientated. OH AND TREATS A WOMAN RIGHT! Honestly my first impression was like “fuck boy. STRAIGHT UP F BOY! Cocky, too into himself, thinks hes better than anyone…” OH ALSO- didnt meet him off of dating apps lol, its called IG thats the new hook up spot jk! But when you actually talk to him and stuff omg… he is so different. I dont think I have laughed this much while talking to someone, he is so hilarious. He opened my mind to a lot of things that I didnt know about or he pushed me to see things differently, which I loved. When we started talking I was very upfront and blunt with him. As a brown girl I dont have the freedom to just get up and leave for a guy. Period. He understood that and accepted it. He told me he had no expectations. What I really liked about him was that he would always communicate, he was very honest and he was really respectful. When I say REALLY RESPECTFUL, like super. We were talking about our exes (no I didnt say bad shit lol) and he brought it up and he told me that his ex would everyday for six months since they were together would ask, “when are we getting engaged?” Not once did he say, omg shes bat shit crazy.. or annoying or whatever. He just said that much and he was like “you know I felt pressured and I wanted to explain myself why I broke up with her.” I mean if he wanted too he could made her the victim… but damn. Very kind. Not just that when he came here he was showing me a convo with this girl who was kind of mentally not there, and she would act weird its really hard to explain but he talked to her respectfully and was like “hey listen if you want to make friends you have – “ something along those lines. He was just really nice to her because he knew that something wasnt right with that girl at all. I mean I know a lot of people who would straight up just cuss her out… like without a doubt. I remember one time he asked me over FaceTime, “why are you waiting after you get your degree to get married?” I kind of just ignored it lol. But then one night he was with his cousins and cousin’s wife in DC and he FT’d me and all I heard was a girl yelling, “Who are you talking too!? Who is this bitch!?” And he goes “oh this is bae”, and after she saw me (without make up and my raspy voice at 12am lol) she was like “OMG SHES SO PRETTY and her voice is so cute! Shes such a good girl  being at home lol.” Then he goes, “Hani, ask her why she wont get married while being in school?” And she said, “look Im 23, still in CC and Im married, you can too.” I wasnt going to put anyone under the bus and be like “well arent you going to be rolling the dice on me!?” - (because someone said that once to me…) like I said, I dont bash on my ex at all. Even after that, he asked me again lol, “IF we were to get married why wont you get married, transfer your credits and stuff? You can work if you like but even if you dont its okay… just go to school. I gotchu bae.” Im just like “uhh…. wouldnt you want someone who has everything set?” He literally probably wanted to slap me for saying that and he was like “No… what am I here for?” Honestly he was so accepting of me, my past, my dreams, my goals, honestly everything. Even when he came here it was like I knew him from a long time ago, it wasnt causing me to have anxiety or feel scared. We laughed so much, watched so many shows and ate such amazing food. OMG. It was so good to be true, i mean we trusted each other, communication was there. He told me some things that really made me realize wow he is so freaking amazing… His brother doesnt have his AA or degree, his sister in law has her AA but he helps a lot around the house. Hes such a good son and omg, when I say more guys should be like him I MEAN IT.  He was suppose to be a police man lol but then he went back to school and took a few classes and became a consultant. He didnt have a stable job until he came back to VA. I mean he was on contract to contract and even jobless for a few months but he was so positive and happy, which is why I loved being around him. Whenever he would FT me, he would be around his cousins and they would always say, “H is so loyal and faithful, family orientated and he will treat you right.” like as if I didnt know that lol. But you know after he left something really unexpected happened and it wasnt in our control to save it. But it was no ones fault either, sometimes life does a plot twist on you when you least expect it but I had accepted the unexpected and like someone wise said (Jatin, this is your shoutout), “you cant compete with history.” It took me a while to understand but I definitely knew that he was always honest, communicated with me and he was amazing. We didnt really need closure but trust me the way we had closure was like I dont even need to talk about this again. Not every situation needs it but sometimes you need it. But you know, this was Gods way of showing me and saying, “Salia… dont lose faith in guys. There are good guys out there.” And you know, there are. But I dont want anyone right now. Im perfectly fine being single. Plus I am already a brat, sassy mc sassy… with me being a little numb sometimes… I think I have a lot to say sometimes and I have a strong personality lol, it would drive someone nuts. But Idk everytime I talk about HA my heart melts just a little because I was treated with so much respect and he would always tell me that I was a BEAUTIFUL WOMAN. But sometimes good things dont last forever. I accepted it.

Along with losing him, I chose to cut off a friend who meant the world to me. She was like a little sister and a best friend. After going through so much in just a few months I realized what I want, who I want in my life and what Im going to do about it. I cant handle negativity… like AT ALL. Friends are suppose to support you, be happy for you and be there for you. This friend lol.. she wasnt there for me at all during my break up, i get it YOU DONT LIKE FJ but I need my girl to be there for me.. shit. I felt like she was jealous and trust me I aint hot shit… Im very like normal, pakistani, short girl… living life. But the vibe and the way she started acting about HA was weird. None of my best friends asked me questions like, “Did he kiss you?” like what…. thats not why he flew here for from VA…. But either way she was asking weird questions like, “was it just fun and games”- PAUSE! So I know Im 25, brown girls get the pressure once theyre in their 20s… But I am in no rush to get married and that is not because I dont have a degree- TO HELL WITH THAT. I can burn that shit and I would still be amazing. But like you dont talk to a guy and jump into the marriage topic, wth? HA and I had a very clear understanding that we are going to take baby steps, no telling parents, siblings, whatever… no labels. TAKE IT SLOW. But either way she was just a total bitch. She loves saying, “I told you so.” Either way I had enough of her, her nazar (evil eye) and negativity. Like I dont need that… I need to be around people who support me, love me and dont bash on my ass. I love my circle small and ever since I cut her off of my life, I am doing so much better because I dont have a gun to my head. It wasn’t even over a guy that I ended our friendship… it was because she wasn’t a good friend and she was jealous. She was never truly happy for me about anything. She envied the relationship I have with my mom and would always be like oh your mom was okay with that? Isk just very weird vibes…. I really wish that she changes her way of approach and what not. No guy is going to love a girl who expects so much and no girl is going to be with a friend who is so judgemental as fuck. Period. I never cuss any of my girlfriends out ever. But she really pissed me off and I felt judged and like a hoe. I really dont need that, thanks anyways.

Now that I got that out of my way, like I said earlier… I have been working on myself. I started going to the gym but its been a while because of school and working a ton of hours. But now that I am on break I am going to go back to the gym, start reading my book- EVERYONE MUST READ “You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life“- literally eye opening and so funny! It has changed my life. Reading really does help with your knowledge and growing as a person. If anyone knows any good reads, please drop me a message! :) Im also going to start reading the Quran but in English translation because I really want to know what Im reading and what the Quran is saying, I just want to self educate myself and know about my religion, I am not religious at all… but one thing I do want to start doing is praying and being connected with Allah. I think having a spiritual connection is so good for the mind and soul.

As I was turning 25 I was thinking a lot about myself, my past and my future. I am a thinker but I also love testing myself. When I was 23 going to 24 I was a very weak person. I was fragile and sensitive to a lot of things. I didnt have thick skin at all. I will admit that and I was little a push over. I lost myself at the age of 23, I had a stalker who ruined my life. I never had anxiety my whole life… I took everything like it was nothing. But after dealing with that… it made me weak. I wasnt the Salia that everyone knew. But now that Im past it, I went through some tough stuff in 2017… it made me wiser, smarter, grateful and stronger.  I dont get affected by anything lately… and I was very hesitant to post this but its my blog, my page and I will do whatever to it. Plus I love to write. I feel like a lot has happened but I have been just writing bits and pieces here and there. But I guess I thought I would write something its been a while. lol.

ALSO- Im flying out to Arizona next week for the weekend and I am so excited! to celebrate and have a vacation and to be not dealing with school for a month! Hell yaaaaaa. *THIS WAS MY FAV LIFE UPDATE IN THIS LONGGGGGG POST*

Okay guys… its 1246am here! Im off to bed. Have fun reading this, judging this, whatever you want :D

[documentinq]

7/21/17

Why do I always have such big gaps between posts lol I need to start posting more. I re read everything I posted and just really have to get this out there, ive loved a lot of people. But all of them have been different types of love, I don’t think ive ever actually been in love. I love my current boyfriend kevin but we’ve only been together 4 months and I know im going to be with him for the rest of my life so that love has room to grow in a healthy way. What scares me most about myself is my imagination. i have 2 different types of “love” ive felt. Group 1 consists of: Justus Carr, Noah Coombs, and Austin Mahone. Group 2 consists of: Michael, Dylon, and Kevin. I have loved 6 people, all in very different ways. Group 1 was me being in love with the idea of what could be/have been and group 2 was me loving the reality. Ive always had a vivid imagination and thats often whats set me back in relationships. My unrealistic expectations and fantisies overshadowed how i was being treated. I was so blinded by the possibilities of what we could be that i was incapable of focusing on what was right in front of me. The thing about being in love with an idea that nobody ever wants to admit is that its one of the most powerful loves you can feel, but its the loneliest because the person/relationship you want to be in love with doesnt even exist. Their empty promises and leading you on only makes you more interested. The chase makes you feel alive and you feel like if you cut it off you’ll miss out on this great big prize. But the truth is there is no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, and that rainbow you’ve been chasing can’t even be touched, its nothing but a beautiful illusion. Justus was my first love, though it was all in my head it was the first time a boy had been able to make my heart drop just by him looking at me. I was only in 7th grade. He never knew how i felt about him because he was my friends older brother but I looked up to him so much and i tried so hard to be a better person simply because he inspired me to be so. Noah Coombs, hah. theres a tricky one. It pains me to say I still feel love for him but i almost want to make a separate category for this type of love. I know he never loved me back and never even understood why I felt the way I did but thats just how it is. I would never want to be with him in a million years because our past has been so toxic and hes a terrible person but ive always gotten the strangest feeling from the universe from him. I think one of the reasons ive always been so obsessed with him was because there were like a million coincidences that kept happening everytime i said i was done with him, as if God kept telling me nope he will never ever leave your life. He even moved to LA after I did hahahha but anyways, I was infactuated with the idea of what we could be and didnt even think i loved him until we “broke up” or whatever. His absesnce drove me insane and his games intrigued me with a passion. Like deadass I would choose kevin over noah anyday but I know I will never feel a love that intense and heartbreaking in my whole life but thats okay because only toxic loves can drive someone to a crazy love like that and its kind of cool knowing no one will ever be able to cause me as much pain as he did to my little 16 year old heart. Austin Mahone, haha another tricky one. We never met but I considered him my best friend for a while. But the fact we never met I think is what made me love him to an unhealthy degree. I was crazy over thinking of what we could be and how perfect he was. I was blinded by it but the truth is hes not perfect at all and i see it now with all the clarity in the world. He was my friend but when we were together he brought me down to make himself look better and i never felt good enough for him. He was litterally just another Dylan who went to church lmfao. I wish him the best and I know we will cross paths in the future but I am so thankful i didnt meet him or have sex with him. Im just glad that relationship ended because it was toxic as well. He just lead me on the whole time and was more in love with the chase than he was with me. Now lets talk about group 2, the type of love where at the time you feel like its gonna last forever. Michael was my best friend for a year and then we started dating but I got a feeling it was wrong so I just dropped it all of a sudden. Dylon, he was the type of love that was perfect for me at the time but also terrible for me at the time. terrible bc i was about to move across the country but perfect because i hadn’t had that type of relationship in a long time. he cared about me a lot but we were very different and there were so many things about him and our relationship that screamed to me he wasnt the right person for me, plus his anger issues were out of control. Now Kevin.... kevin is the type of love i wish i had with dylon. Like, I definetly loved dylon at the time but there were things missing with dylon that ive found with kevin. Kevin has the perfect sense of humor, hes trusting and caring, and so fucking attractive. The only doubts I have for our relationship is my fear of the future, what is he going to do for a career? I want him to pursue his passion as a comedian bc I have full faith in him, hes the funniest guy ive ever met.. but I dont know what his deal is. He has all these friends in the entertainment bussiness but isn’t making any moves. I want him to be successful but I don’t know how to talk to him about this without hurting his feelings. He isn’t where he should be in life, hes unemployed living in a frat house. I mean a lot of it is because of his mistakes in the past, hes had plenty of great opportunities come his way but he screwed all of them up with his drug addictions but hes so much better now and im just praying more opportunities will come his way. I love him and I want to support him but our relationship wont last if he doesn’t get his shit together, hes 25 and doesn’t even have his liscense bc he got it taken away bc of drunk driving a few years ago, and he can go and get it now from the dmv but he doesn’t even have the money rn to get a lisence. and i know his parents are rich and hes gonna get money from his family eventually but i don’t want that to be the only thing hes betting on? I want him to live up to his full potential and hes not doing drugs anymore but his past mistakes have set him back so much these struggles are taking a toll on him. and i know right now is the time he needs me most so obviously i wouldnt end things but where is the line where I need to cut things off? I want to start a life with this man, I want to move into a little studio appartment in LA just us two and me do my music shit and him do his comedy shit and it would be perfect. But I know im not doing perfect either, I’m broke as fuck too but im focusing on my music right now and once that kicks off theres no limits to how high im able to go. i’m also only 18... 18 and broke is not nearly as bad as 25 and broke. But the thing is I don’t want to talk to him about it because he KNOWS these problems hes depressed as fuck about all of this and he regrets all of his past mistakes but i dont know what hes doing to fix them like when he thinks of how to make money quick he just turns to illegal shit like selling drugs. I know he has great potential but when is enough enough? He treats me so well and I really do love him, I honestly havent vibed this hard with a guy since noah. literally. I know i said that before about dylon but i really do realize i just met him when i was in a very fragile state and clung onto him, but hes literal trash lol. Kevin is so different from anyone ive ever been with, hes honestly 10x better of a person for me than noah ever was and I do believe hes my soulmate which is why I need to stick with him through this hard time, he just needs prayer. I used to think Noah was my soulmate but I know thats not true now, what I do know is that the universe did make sure noah was a big influence in my life for some reason. I don’t know what that reason is right now but I know i’ll find out within the next few years lol. The song im recording rn i dedicated to my mom but i initially wrote the first few verses bc of kevin because i want him to make a change in his life. The song definelty applies to my mom more but it does apply to kevin as well. Its about how a person will never change for you and they have to want to change for themselves first before they will ever consider changing for anybody else. Kevin will never change his life for me, he has to want it for himself and I will continue to try and motivate him but I’m giving it till December, if Kevin isn’t financially stable enough to have his own place and doesn’t have a career I’m going to give him a break until he finds himself. his birthday is in January and being 26 and unemployed is so unnacceptable. Because love really isn’t always going to be enough to save a relationship.

[vamdeggmon]

all questions por favor

I assume you mean the most recent one.

1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now?    None, really.

2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone?    Not anymore

3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care?    Nah

4: Do you find it easy to trust others?   Kinda? its weird

5: What were you doing at 11PM last night?    Getting ready for bed

6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you?    I can’t be drunk.

7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on?    I’d probably be pretty upset but i think id either try to talk to them or just leave

8: Are you close with your dad?    I guess

9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right?   Never

10: What are you listening to?   Nada

11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it?    MILK

12: Do you like hickeys?   I dunnno

13: What time do you go to bed?   It varies wildly

14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down?   nah

15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both?   yeah

16: Do you always answer your texts?   I try to

17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for?    No. I think they hate me tho

18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?   Earlier today

19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them?   Yeah a few friends

20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?    I dont remember

21: Is anyone else in the room with you?    My dormmate

22: Do you believe what goes around comes around?    Eh?

23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now?    Yeah I was

24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with?   Kinda, but its probably for the best anyway

25: In the past week, have you cried?   not this week

26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing?   blue

27: Do people ever call you by your last name?    Occasionally

28: Is anyone ignoring you right now?    I dont think so?

29: Do you have a best friend?   Several

30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed?    Yeah because they dont exist

31: Who was your last call/text message from?    Scruffy

32: Are you mad at anyone?     Nah

33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you?    No

34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday?   N/A

35: How many more days until your birthday?   Almost a whole year

36: Do you have any summer plans yet?    Yup

37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex?   Ye

38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now?   Nah

39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone?   Yes

40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone?   Cant regret doing something you havent done

41: Do you think age matters in relationships?   To a degree yes

42: Are you available?     Yup

43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended?    1

44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get?    I wouldnt

45: Do you believe exes can be friends?    I thought so, but

46: Do you regret anything?    Yeah

47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now?    I’m tired

48: Did you ever lose a best friend?   Yup

49: Was your last kiss a mistake?   It didnt happen so

50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like?   I don’t really like anyone atm?

51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry?   They dont exist so no

52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed?   No because they dont exist

53: What was the last thing you ate?    A breadstick i think

54: Did you get any compliments today?   Nope

55: Where are you going on your next vacation?    June 3rd?

56: Do you own anything from other countries?    Yes!

57: Are most of your friend guys or girls?   Girls usually

58: Where have you lived most of your life?   MA

59: When was the last time you took a long drive?   Spring break

60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle?    No

61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house?    No

62: Who do you text the most?    Probably scruffy now

63: What was the last movie you saw?   Moana

64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex?   I dont have one

65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011?  0

66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you?   They dont exist

67: Do you curse around your parents?   I try not to

68: Are you happy with where you live?   I guess so

69: Picture of yourself?   In a separate post

70: Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships?   I have no problem with either in theory but i do tend to focus on one person at a time

71: Have you ever been dumped?   Yup

72: What do you most like about making out?   Dunno

73: Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with?    No

74: When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other?   No idea

75: What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive?   Eyes

76: Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed?   Scruffy or carmen i think

77: Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour?   Nope

78: Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name?   Nope

79: What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face?   Anything romantic tbh im a sap

80: Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already?   Maybe? I don’t really want kids though//

81: Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you?   I think once?

82: Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush?   My good friends

83: Do you miss your last sweetie?    Yeah

84: Last time you slow danced with someone?   Never

85: Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met?  What does this mean?

86: How can I win your heart?    Be my friend

87: What is your astrological sign?   Aries

88: What were you doing last night at 12 AM?    About to sleep

89: Do you cook?   Rarely and poorly

90: Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication?    nope

91: If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship?    kinda.

92: Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly?   I’ve only ever been in one relationship?

93: What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest?   I dunno

94: Name four things that you wish you had!   Breath of the Wild, Some money, ummm, time to relax, and i dunno

95: Are you a player?  No?

96: Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day?   No

97: Are you a tease?  I dont know? no?

98: Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr?   Nope

99: Have you ever been deeply in love with someone?  I was.

100: Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with?  yup

101: Hugs or Kisses?  Yes?

102: Are you too shy to ask someone out?   Often

103: The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?  Hair

104: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe?    Yes

105: If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it?    No?

106: Do you flirt a lot?   No

107: Your last kiss?   Never

108: Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2012?   No

109: Have you kissed anyone in the past month?   No

110: If you could kiss anyone who would it be?   I dunno

111: Do you know who you’ll kiss next?  No

112: Does someone like you currently?   I doubt it

113: Do you currently have feelings for anyone?   Not atm

114: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?   I think serious?

115: Ever made out with just a friend?   no

116: Are you happier single or in a relationship?   I’ve spent all but 2 years of my life single, but i did really enjoy those 2 years while they lasted...

117: Your own question that you want me to answer. Just write it.   N/A