#i mean i've barely made progress with the things that still need to happen but words are words right?

[pankomako]

dude not me thinking about post-gang war arc gang's bay aughghgh the character design ideas i have are so GOOOODDD

[barblaz-arts]

Stephanie Beatriz recently attended a con and gave her insight on Vaggie. If you’ve seen the clip, do you agree with her insight?

I definitely do and it frustrates me that Beatriz had to literally spell things out about Vaggie and her struggles for people who are insisting that she’s “one dimensional” and has no arc going for her.

I have seen it already, yes 🥰

For those who haven't seen the clip yet, this person has helpfully posted it here

And of course I agree! These are things I've written essays about on both my tumblr accounts. I've tried to get it thru the thick heads of some people on twitter. I've used it as foundation for my characterization for her in my fics and fanarts. It's so tragic that we're celebrating a VA stating the obvious just because the fandom is too set on hating Vaggie to see the potential of her character, but it is how it is.

What I am really really surprised by, is how detailed and deep Stephanie's explanation was! Like whoa. Now see, as much as I absolutely adore this show, I'm not blind to its flaws and the creator's biases. Idk if this is unexpected of me to admit, but I didn't have high expectations that Vaggie's issues with her codependency would be explored 👀💦

Now, don't get me wrong, it doesn't mean to say I didn't expect her to be explored at all. But the thing is, I'm well aware that although the first season so far definitely didn't ignore the ladies as much as the fandom and antis would like to think, I honestly had little hope of this momentum staying that way in future seasons because of the Vees, Alastor's subplot, Angel, Lucifer, and Charlie's own arc as, of course, the main character.

There's a lot of things that are about to happen, and interesting enough, we already have an idea because of the previous lore already released in the internet before the show got greenlit. The fans wanna see it, and I damn well know Viv is excited to explore it too. There's this expectation, you know, from the previously established lore. The subplot that will involve these men will very likely take up a huge chunk of the following seasons, and that doesn't even include the overarching conflict with Heaven and redemption.

So with all that being said, I didn't see a lot of hope in Vaggie being explored in depth because there just isn't enough time to squeeze her in a series with 8 twenty minute long episodes each season that for some reason has a requirement of 2 songs per episode. I've made my peace with that. The bare minimum I wanted was Vaggie's rivalry with Lute to go in line with her issues with her self-worth. For her to see how far gone Lute has become and to realize how well she's doing in comparison. To finally accept that she's doing good and has been making progress in her own, self-imposed redemption where all she asks for is the right to love and be loved in return, no return ticket to Heaven needed.

But wow! Stephanie saying that they're playing the long game when it comes to the unhealthy elements of their relationship, not just Vaggie's flaw as an individual, is great! Of course we still have to wait for how it's executed, but the fact that Stephanie got into such detail about this leads me to believe that the things she has already recorded for during production will definitely lead up to the development we want for their relationship.

I really honestly would've been fine even if Vaggie stayed codependent. I've loved previous characters all the same even if they couldn't manage to break away from being the lost puppy dog that thought the world of the person they loved, as long as the person they love also loves them back just as intensely. Like. Idk. Gwanshik from When Life Gives You Tangerines. I just think there's charm to be appreciated in romance that's devoted up to a tragic degree. And don't lie I damn well know there are lotsa other people into that because that shit's EVERYWHERE in fan content, and widely loved in straight romances in media. Men get to be called "boyfriend goals" when they're on their knees like Gomez Addams for the woman they love, letting her shine while they take the backseat. Why can't a little gay angel do the same without being degraded?

Also! Also! I'm thinking a whole lot about Stephanie saying we don't get to know Vaggie all that much too because that is true even if you take into account the pre-show lore because of the Exorcist plot twist. Vaggie's pre-show lore used to be similar to Angel's, but now we're not even sure if she used to be human! This changes everything, and again I didn't have high expectations of her being explored too deeply, but now I really hope this means we'll get to know her finalized backstory.

And I look forward to this likely meaning getting to see Vaggie forge deep friendships outside of Charlie, most likely with Carmilla. I'm really hoping Vaggie making friends would also get us to explore Charlie's shortcomings as a partner too. She lowkey takes her girlfriend for granted, and I really hope for her to have an interesting reaction to possibly needing to share her girlfriend with others, especially as someone who has very few friends and possibly some abandonment issues.

[ao3cassandraic]

why tv!Mensah is the best

So, in the last five-six years, I went through a divorce, a pandemic, a sudden life-threatening illness (I'm fine now!), the absolute chaos and terror of US politics, perimenopause (continuing, sigh), and a major work reorg (still in progress; academia is slow about everything). Oh, also I just got promoted to part-time management as a first-time manager and am desperately hoping not to fuck it up because the people I manage are terrific and deserve somebody far more ept than I am.

It's been a lot. Really truly a lot.

But a thing I learned from my father the tenured professor, because he was exquisitely bad about it and I did not want to be like him, is that educators cannot shove their shit off on their students. This is a thing that Cannot Happen. Must Not Happen. Educator persona must be shit-free. My colleagues, too, do not come to work to help me deal with my shit.

I don't always quite manage this. I'm human, and I actually have a filthy temper; keeping it in check has been the work of a lifetime. But I always try, and usually I succeed.

It's been a rough time for students too, the last five-six years. Consensus is that the pandemic messed students up pretty good, academically and socially, kindergarten to grad school. I've noticed. There's only so much I can do to fix it for them. And some of them don't hesitate to take their shit out on me. Not all by any means! But... enough. Enough to be grindingly hurtful and saddening and exhausting.

So trying to teach in higher ed becomes this awful tug-of-war between the endless abyss of student needs, the institution's needs, and the needs of the professions I train for -- if I pass someone despite them clearly not doing the damn work, I'm not doing anybody any favors, actually.

It's a lot. Really truly a lot. But, you say, what does this have to do with Mensah?

This woman has got so much on her plate. Good lord.

The economic survival of Preservation Alliance. I hope it doesn't uniquely depend on one trip -- I doubt it does; Mensah's smarter than that -- but this trip is a big honkin' deal and it'd be Very Bad for it to fail.

A team she is managing that contains some pretty strong personalities (I have a strong personality; it has not made me easy to manage), at least one person with a deeply messed-up personal history, and some romantic entanglements that are probably not the greatest idea in a work situation, if I'm honest.

A SecUnit she didn't want, imposed on her by the corpos, who is (as she astutely recognized early on) going through something.

A planet that's a helluva lot more dangerous than she was told it was. Attacks, deaths, a spy. More attacks coming.

Several team members trying to cope with immediate and severe trauma -- the longer they're on the planet, the more and worse the trauma has piled up.

Having to be the rope in a tug-of-war between the neediest, most messed-up person in the team and the needy messed-up SecUnit.

A pre-existing (untreated? seems that way) anxiety disorder.

Gurathin's called her naive and repeatedly questioned her decisions. So has Murderbot, perhaps not in so many words. Pin-Lee's straight-up yelled at her. The only person who's offered her anything I would call support this entire time is Murderbot, who's trying its level best (to its credit) but is the opposite of a therapist.

But Mensah's first among equals. That means holding her shit together in their presence. She also has to be the person it's safe to yell at, to insult, to flake out on (sorry, Bharadwaj and Arada, but it's true), to blow off steam at. And she's so damn good at being the aggro sponge that I am literally fucking taking notes on how she does it, because I need to do it too, and management is slightly different from teaching in that respect.

I cannot with the book fans who think tv!Mensah is lesser. She is everything. "Intrepid galactic explorer" barely scratches the surface of this woman's level of awesome. I want to be her if I ever grow up.

[technikki]

Could you talk about the mario yaoi to me. I've only got little glimpses from your posts and I'm sadly not aware of the big picture

ABSOLUTELY DEAR MUTUAL i will talk about luisley any day they make me so so sick i love them ihope they EXPLODE.

so this got long but whatever anyway!!! heres skyes compilation of ACTUAL REAL THINGS THAT HAPPEN IN MARIO AND LUIGI SUPERSTAR SAGA FOR THE GAMEBOY ADVANCE.

upon meeting him for the first time, prince peasley gives luigi a rose, accompanied by this line:

the remake has an added detail in a later scene that shows luigi keeps the rose tucked away under his hat for safekeeping. also this rose is used to show the castle guards they are friends of the prince so they'll be granted entry to the castle and is only needed the first time they go there. despite that, the rose remains in your inventory (likely under luigis hat <3) for the entirety of the game

at the end of this same scene peasley flies away on his little winged cushion thing (bean... creature? is it alive? i have no fucking clue) and zips right past luigi, twirling him around on his way out

the second time they run into each other and at multiple other points throughout the game, luigi will get excited upon seeing peasley and start waving his hat to greet him. he waves like this when peasley exits multiple scenes too, while also saying "bye-bye!". peasley is the only character he does this for with any consistency

at one point the mcguffin gets split into pieces and scattered across the kingdom, and mario and luigi offer to help peasley search for them. he makes a bet with the bros that he can gather the pieces before them, prompting luigi to run up to him and go "oh yeah!". peasley takes this as a challenge, apparently, because this causes him to, and i could not fucking make this up if i tried, pull out his sword and repeatedly jab luigi in the ass with it, causing him to blush a very bright red and start giggling like an idiot

note: and i don't know why this is the case, but if you do not progress the dialogue once he starts doing this, peasley will continue to poke luigi for as long as there is no player input. for more info check out prince peasley pokes luigi for 5 minutes on youtube <3

while collecting one of the pieces, luigi comes across a piranha plant that has eaten peasley and defeats it, saving him. note that this scene takes place in an area that you can only get luigi into. the game makes a point of separating him from mario for this scene. for some reason[winks with both eyes

peasley has also been shrunken down here (long story) and luigi thinks of a way to get him back to normal, prompting peasley to say "to think you know such cool moves! you're a real zero... i mean hero!". something interesting about this scene is that peasley's slip-up here varies depending on what language you're playing in. probably the most famous example is the german translation, where peasley attempts to say "hut ab!" (hats off!) and instead says "hose runter" (pants down. no i'm not joking.) my personal favorite is the spanish translation, where he attempts to say "eres ingenioso!" (you're ingenious!) and instead says "eres delicioso" (take a guess). regardless of what translation you play and what peasley ends up saying, luigi becomes very flustered and starts laughing again

one thing about this game is that it was one of the very first games that decided to actually give luigi any actual relevance (the only earlier one ican think of is luigi's mansion. infact im pretty sure that's the only one), he was still known more or less as just marios palette-swapped "player-2" brother, and they decided to lean very hard into this with how he is treated in-universe. it is a running gag that mario is obviously a very well-known and beloved hero, while luigi is constantly being ignored and made fun of, and barely anyone can ever seem to even remember his name. some characters do treat him with equal respect to mario, but peasley is the only character that not only consistently seems to focus on luigi, but also cannot seem to be bothered with remembering mario's name. peasley calls them the mario bros a few times and there is one point where peasley does address mario directly by name, and its a scene that luigi is not present for. which suggests that peasley does indeed remember mario's name and is trying to make luigi feel a little more special which is honestly really sweet and i hate him so much

at one point luigi has to make an emergency leap out of a plane (longer story) and peasley flies up to meet him. a little bird flies by and, because luigi is uniquely hated by the universe itself, pecks through the cord of his parachute and causes him to begin plummeting out of the sky. peasley attempts to catch him, but because he is an idiot with way too much self-confidence and cannot catch a grown man falling at top speed, luigi simply knocks him right off his little cushion thing and they both end up falling. however there is a split second where it looks like he might end up holding luigi bridal style

peasley is able to make a perfect landing after this scene by using his cape as a parachute, but luigi's landing is. not as graceful and he ends up plunging headfirst into the sand, getting stuck. peasley finds this rather charming and proceeds to laugh and comment on his "luigi dunk"

this is another scene where translators decided to have some fun as well: in the german translation peasley calls him what roughly translates to "an amusing little darling" and in i believe the french translation he calls him something like "clumsy but adorable". basicaly he thinks luigi is very funny and very cute

eventually peasley decides he is going to go fight the main villain himself despite being told how incredibly dangerous it would be, because he does not want to impose on the bros any more than he feels they already have. his mother attempts to reason with him but he runs off anyway, causing luigi to collapse into tears at the thought of something bad happening to him

the ending scene of the game shows mario luigi and friends saying goodbye to the beanish royals at the airport. upon seeing peasley, luigi jumps up and begins actually running at him to hug him.

unfortunately, because luigi cannot have anything ever in his life, peasley is not paying attention (idiot) and continues moving upward, causing luigi to faceplant on the tarmac. he cries after this </3

ALSO have to give a shoutout to these panels from the official manga (scans by my awesome friend @/bowletta btw):

(the pink katakana literally says doki doki dude get it together)

(COME ON.)

so YUUUUP basically they're genuinely one of the most inexplicably gay-coded relationships in any nintendo game and i wish more people knew about peasley because he's a really funny character and his relationship with luigi is extremely cute. heart

[lennjamin-o7]

Thought it was time to return the curse upon you for once... (also inspired vaguely by the DMs from earlier so hehe)

AU where Techno is a superhero.

Not just any superhero, really. One of the best. He manages to keep the city crime free almost singlehandedly and does so without breaking a sweat. Though he does work together with another hero named Phil and the two are thick as thieves.

It's hotly debated among fangroups of civilians why Techno joined the hero ranks. Since he doesn't exactly make it subtle that he's an introvert, fame is off the list. Techno is kind of brash and awkward too, he doesn't strike people as the sort of guy who does it for something as vague as 'helping people' - he also might get a bit too excited about new villains for that to ring true. There are rumors that his family was killed by a villain and this is Techno getting revenge, but this rumor is never verified. Maybe money? Money is a pretty good motivator.

The truth is that Techno is incredibly bored.

Techno peaked in high school and is so incredibly gifted kid coded. (/hj)

And hero work is a great adrenaline kick, a thrilling situation to throw himself into. Especially villains who come up with wild schemes. Maybe, just maybe, it's even bordering on depression. He has to keep busy with hero work or he literally can't bother to get out of bed or motivate himself for much of anything.

Things have been better since Phil came along. Phil is, in a twist on the usual dynamic, the less experienced one when it comes to hero work (despite being so much older lol, Phil was a civilian hiding his powers before). So he's teamed with Techno to learn the ropes, and the two hit it off, and the team-up becomes permanent. Phil is the first and only person Techno considers a friend. And after befriending Phil, Techno gradually gets a few hobbies (he's cultivating a potato plant in the hero association dorm, he's reading books Phil recommends to him, he's playing chess with Phil on slow afternoons).

But Phil would still like for Techno to have more of an identity outside of his hero work. Techno brushes him off. It's almost a running joke at this point.

(Technoblade is not his real name. It's his hero name. Techno has no civilian identity, never bothered to maintain one. This is concerning to Phil).

Whenever Phil thinks he's made some progress, a new villain will pop up or something will happen and ALL of Techno's attention will go to that again. And then after it's over he'll be bummed out because Techno usually beats the villain very easily and it doesn't pose a challenge for not. What Techno truly needs is an archnemesis.

Good thing that one day, a new supervillain pops up in town.

He's cruel, and he's smart, and he's ruthless. And he's very, very strong. Strong enough to almost beat Techno into the ground one-handed during their first confrontation, though Techno manages to win just barely. It's as if this new villain knows all his moves, his weaknesses. It's exhilarating.

The new villain calls himself The Crowfather.

(Fangroups don't really debate on why Phil joined hero work. But if they did some digging, they might find out that Phil once almost died, and the only thing that kept him from dying was a hero saving him. Technoblade.

They might find out that Phil became a hero not because he cares about the status, or saving people. He just wanted to get closer to Techno. To repay him, somehow, any way he can.

Even if it means murdering a bunch of innocent people.)

Hey, Techno is smiling a lot more now that he has The Crowfather to go up against. And isn't that all that matters :)

[this was so rambly, i'm not very good at this and u can tell lol]

I've think I've kept this hostage long enough Shara Friend. It has been kept for my eyes alone long enough. Now, I freely share it.

Fuck yeah bored Super Hero Technoblade! You popped off with this. I love Sneaky Philza standing by his side and, if it makes him happy, standing against him as well. Who cares about the ants he has to squish to see Technoblade HAPPY. An easy and small price to pay for the guy who saved him.

Gosh, I love this. The DRAMA that would ensue when everything is found out. How will that go? Will Technoblade be appalled? Disgusted? Angry?

Or maybe, just a tiny bit curious about how interesting it would be to be a Villain.

Love it. Love it so much. I want to CORRUPT this version of Technoblade so so SOOO much!!!!

[mymegrokosmos]

"i spent years in therapy working through the scars you left me with until I could bare to face myself again. you don't get to just waltz right back into my life without consequences and unravel all the progress I made on a whim."

he opens his mouth, but you cut him off, shaking your head. "no, jeonghan. there's nothing you can say now to unfuck everything you made a mess of between us so don't bother. I've already done that work for myself."

he nods, tucking both hands into the pockets of his dress pants, and indicates that you should continue.

"if this, what we had once when things were still good between us, ever meant even a modicum of something to you, walk right back out that door and close this chapter on us forever."

he shakes his head. "that I can't do, darling. even if this wasn't mingyu's wedding. that would only leave things even worse off than they are. you and I both know it."

you sigh. he's right. how you hate when he's right.

"I owe you more apologies than I can make right, even if I spent the rest of my life making amends for the ways I broke you. as unintentional as most of it was, it still happened, and neither of us can take that back."

you watch the way his eyes drop to his shoes. hear the way he clears his voice when it cracks just a little. he really means it.

"you made me a better man in ways you never got to see and all I gave you back, for the most part, were memories you wished you could burn."

you shake your head. "not all of them."

he smiles sadly. "a lot of them. you deserved better than I could give you then. I am sorry. It doesn't change anything but you should know that."

you nod. "thank you."

he straightens. "I know I did a lot of things that don't deserve forgiveness but do you think, maybe, we can start fresh?"

you consider this, staring at the hand he holds out to you. "I don't know."

you meet his eyes. honesty seems so easy when he's standing right here in front of you. it's all you know with jeonghan. maybe part of you hopes your truth will hurt him. he deserves that and you're not entirely without pettiness, despite the years of therapy and self-reflection. part of you also just needs him to know what he's asking of you, where you stand.

"you hurt me han, really really hurt me, for a long time. It took me years to forgive that. for myself, not for you. I don't know if I can just put that all aside. If I can see you differently than I did back then."

he nods. "that's fair. do you think you can try?"

you take a minute to look him over. he's still the jeonghan you used to know, parts of him at least, but also more polished. he's lost some of the anger, the brashness, the spontaneity. you weigh the words on your tongue.

"I think I can try. no promises, but... I can try."

in which you ex-boyfriend of 4 years, yoon jeonghan, suddenly decides that after almost a decade apart life isn't worth living if you aren't in it. you accidentally reconnect when you get an invitation to your mutual friend, mingyu's wedding. you would usually have just declined but kim mingyu was someone who did a lot for you back in college when you and jeonghan first met - and throughout your first corporate job and subsequent breakup. so you say yes to being in his bridal party.

for the most part it's nice. you get to pay back an old friend for his support and investment into your growth, and your life, and reconned with a few other mutual friends. you see seungcheol, wonwoo and woozi his groomsmen and best man. your best friend vernon is also invited to the wedding so you get to ask for his opinion on some of the decisions and share flights and accommodations for the destination wedding.

it's all going swimmingly, that is until you turn up to rehearsal brunch a few days before the ceremony and reception, to find none other theb jeonghan standing in for his best friend seungcheol who's currently dealing with a case of 48hr stomach bug and trying his best to rest and recover so he can still be there to support mingyu on your friend's big day.

woozi and wonwoo do their best to navigate the tension. dk, who you run into at dinner, gets sat between you and distracts you well. you spend as much time as you can with dino, seungkwan and vernon. jun and minghao invite you out for meals and drinks too which is nice. hoshi diffuses a few heated moments and totally walks in on a couple of arguments completely unaware of anything.

in the end joshua is the one who plays buffer the best between you and makes the ceremony go off smoothly. you play along for mingyu's sake. that is until you end up on the same flight back home and jeonghan insists on driving you from the airport so you don't have to get a taxi since vernon had to take an early flight back for work and you're on a redeye landing as the sun is just barely rising.

... maybe i'll turn this into a more fleshed out something when my brain is working again.

[sabrinahawthorne]

What's Happening in 2025

I think it's time for an update, and a tentative schedule for the coming year - so let's do that.

Games

Development on CLASH! really slowed down in the latter half of 2024, and while the reasons for that are by and large out of my direct control, I still feel a little bad for not speaking about it for so long.

I am still working on CLASH! - promise. The state of the game is that I'm working around a design challenge (regarding Techniques and how they relate to Fighter customization) by dissecting the game to a more bare-bones version and playtesting the parts that need tweaking until I can iron out those wrinkles. Once I've made some progress with that issue, I'm going to start fitting more pieces back onto the system, playtesting as I go, and putting out further playtest materials.

I don't think I'm going to finish CLASH! in 2025. Looking back, I definitely bit off more than I could chew in trying to complete it in 2024. A project of even this relatively small scope is orders of magnitude more complex than something like Broke Wizards. So in 2025, I'm going to pace myself with it. It's still going to be my focus, so don't worry, especially if you contributed to its crowdfunding campaign. 2025 will have goodies for you, even if the game itself probably won't be done. But I'm going to give the book the time and care it deserves.

But it isn't going to be the only thing I plan on making this year! I've got a handful of lighter things I want to put out. For one, I really want to release supplements for Broke Wizards. Adventure modules, mainly, but I've also got and idea for a magical items supplement with some new rules for crafting and the like.

This year will probably see a new Yon release as well! It's going to look pretty different from A Tyrant's Throne, and it's an exciting prospect.

Keep an eye out through the year. You'll like what I've got coming.

Public Appearances

That's such a bizarre thing to be posting about. Anyway.

The only certain event I'll be at is an episode of the Dovecote with @darlingdemoneclipse! I had a blast my first time, and it made my day when Eclipse offered me another go. I'll be on the show on the 27th of January, and I hope you'll join us.

A less certain prospect is a possible appearance on @tinytablepodcast. As of this posting, Broke Wizards has made it to the second round of voting as a submission for the show! If it wins, then the wonderful folks there will do me the amazing honor of playing my game. You should join their Patreon and vote to get my game a place on the show. And to support the show, of course. They make good stuff. If they end up playing it, then I'll make an appearance for a post-mortem Q&A!

I'm very excited about the possibility, but you should listen to the Tiny Table podcast regardless.

Other Stuff

The bad news is that I'm going to be focusing a little less on writing in 2025. Not ignoring it completely - hopefully the Games section of this update is proof of that - but a little.

The good news is that I'm doing some teaching this year! I won't go into too much detail right now, but the gist is that in 2024, I was given the opportunity to teach game design to beginner designers, and I'm going to take the gig. It's nothing prestige, mind. This is a recurring job at a local arts center, and I'm by no means an expert in this field (at least compared to some peers of mine). But I do have experience as a self-taught designer, and I'm honored and delighted to have the opportunity to give new designers a jumping-off point.

Relatedly, I'm going to be spending a lot of time this year introducing new players to RPGs. This, too, is also going to be a thing local to where I live, so if you follow me you probably won't hear a lot about it. But I'm excited about it, so I'm talking about it.

A Personal Note

You no doubt know this already, given how I have been - and will be - posting about it, but I'm having surgery this summer! It's nothing serious, and it's obviously not urgent. But it's something I've needed done for a while, and it'll be the end of several long-standing issues for me.

What you also certainly know by now is that I'm holding a sale to raise funds for that surgery for the next six months. All my games are included in it, and anything I release before it's over will be added to it. I'm also pushing my ko-fi during that time.

Needless to say, I probably won't be doing much from July to September this year. Not nothing, but not a lot, either.

Thank you all for the support you've shown me this year. It doesn't go unnoticed. Happy new year.

[ygodmyy20]

Opps this post got forgotten! But if I don't post it today when will I!?

Okay so, I've been thinking for awhile on the question: why do I like terumob and why did it take over my brain? What is it about it...what caught my interest. As someone who was very NOT into ships when i first got into mp100, why did I crashland into this one?

This post has been in progress for like....weeks now? Nearly a month? 3 months? Yea.

Okay so. Here we go. THOUGHTS! On terumob and why the fuck I like it. Below the cut.

Like I mentioned, when I first finished Mob Psycho 100 in June of this year I wasn't into any ship. I was actually REALLY NOT into ships. I really liked gen. I wanted to explore the characters and I loved the complex relationships between everyone but I didn't want it to be overshadowed by romance. I purposely steered clear of any and all ship art.

But then I started to see some TeruMob fanart and I was like "Aw man, they are so cute and squishy." And I started to like them....just a lil bit. ONLY A LITTLE BIT.

BUT then I read more Teru-centric fics, read Teru analysis' and then I was like. Oh shit, Teru is 100% so into Mob it's like....this kid has it bad. He has a major crush. And even on the rewatch I am like WOW yep, confirmed in my brain, Teru has it bad. The subtext of his pinning is JUST so there for me. I didn't even have to look hard for it. I suddenly was very in on the Teru-one-sidded part of the ship.

But here's the thing, I'm not a big fan of ships like that... feels too unrequited. Hard for me to really like it. I need to have some level of something from both sides. Just how I am.

So that still leaves the question.

When and how does Shiego liking Teru work? Is there any subtext for that or am I just making it all up because I want the ship to work for me?

(which also is fine ya'll, no judgement if you ship two characters that barely interact, thats the fun of fandom stuff!)

I mean, all things considered, Shigeo likes Tsubomi. Scratch that, he REALLY likes Tsubomi. Shiego loves very strongly, like all his emotions. And he definitely likes Teru, they are good friends, so I kept thinking: where and how does that cross into a crush to me, for these characters?

Teru cares a lot, he adores Shigeo—Shigeo is kind, he is powerful, he is everything Teru wants to be. But are there places where I see this same level of intensity from Shigeo?

Annnnnnnnd then I got to their fight in season 3.

Everything Shiego did to Teru was so pointed. So raw and angry. Like I said, I think Shigeo feels his feelings very strongly and, I don't know, just the fact that he PERSUED Teru to humiliate him EXACTLY in the same way again, tells me that their first meeting had an intense impact on him. We don't see a lot of his feelings on his meeting with Teru, besides the brief ??? in that episode. After meeting Teru, it's just...life goes on as normal for them. But deep down I don't think Shigeo ever really tackled his complex feelings about Teru and their first meeting.

So it all comes out, its all be stewing for AGES, and what comes out is mean. It's aggressive. It's almost sarcastic? It's what happens when we let things chew us up inside and comes out all twisted.

Teru evoked such a strong reaction from Shigeo, even if Shigeo didn't admit it or express it, that I can't help but think, after things have settled, after he has spent more time adjusting to his whole self...after they both take time to really examine themselves and grow....

....that Shigeo wouldn't develop stronger feelings for this boy who also turned his world upside down. Who made him feel such strong emotions, who changed his world too.

Teru was forever changed by meeting another esper his age.

I think Shiego was too.

And I think where I started to love them was after the finale, after Teru's acceptance of Shiego for who he was.

I don't want to pigeonhole any of the espers into only being able to date other espers. But I also....yes, Shiego is a normal kid, but he is also Shiego.

Teru is a person who understands the strength it takes to keep that power, who has seen Shiego at all sides. His best and his worst.

But gosh this scene....

OUGHGGH

JUST THROW ME IN A RIVER WHY DON"T YOU

Yeah this whole scene just.....just yea. OUGH.

But yeah I just feel like Teru's crush would only grow after that. He would see Shigeo as a person over an all powerful esper.

While I like to think Shigeo's would develop over time and them smack into him like a runaway freight train. Because Shigeo FEELS so strongly, for all his emotions. He feels sadness strongly, he feels love strongly, he feels anger strongly—he just feels everything SO strongly. That is why he is powerful, that is why he is who he is, that is why ??? became what it is.

Anyway. My thoughts have ended and that's all i got. Thanks for coming to my ted talk of rambling mess that has been in progress for months that I realized whelp with the anniversary of the end of S3 nearly here, mind as well post it.

[varpusvaras]

New note

Marked five files/reports so far for further reading

All groups that have previously operated on the area do not match by their motive or by what they are delivering; cannot be striked through yet

Strava -> possible operator? name repeats in many reports, need further information

Need to find out if

The door slid open. Fox wasn't fast enough to shut the datapad before whoever it was had already seen the glow of the screen in the dark.

"Really?" It was Thire. Fox didn't need to turn his head to see.

"Really", he answered, and turned to look anyway. Thire hadn't switched the lights on in the room yet, but even against the light coming from the hallway behind him, Fox could see that he looked kind of disappointed. "Did Stone make you come here?"

"Stone, Thorn, Index, who didn't?" Thire asked. He hadn't yet stepped in, and despite the expression on his face and the tone of his voice, Fox could see that he was a bit nervous. It made sense. Thire had not been made a Commander yet, even thought the promotion was pretty much imminent, which meant that Fox was still his superior officer in a way that he wasn't for Thorn and Stone.

Which meant that Fox needed to make the decision for him.

"Come in and shut the door", he said. "And switch on the lights."

He squinted his eyes when the bright, yellow-tinted light flickered on. It didn't hurt as much as it did a couple of days ago, at the very least, so there was some progress. Fox decided not to say that out loud, though.

Thire took the one chair they had in their bunk room, and positioned it right in front of Fox's cot.

"Have you found anything?" He asked. Either he didn't feel comfortable admonishing Fox further, or he wanted to get to the point. Either option was good right now in Fox's book.

"Not too much", Fox admitted. "Though that's not a surprise, I've barely made a dent to the files. There's a lot of them."

Thire nodded, and then hesitated for a second, before speaking again.

"Can I help?" He asked. "I've done my work for the night, and Index told me that I need to take a sleep shift today, so I don't have anything better to do."

"A sleep shift means you should be sleeping."

"And having a concussions means you shouldn't be working." Thire looked almost suprised at this own words. "Sorry, Sir."

"No, you're correct", Fox said. "I'd much rather take that from you than from Thorn or Stone. Is Thorn back yet?"

"No." Thire shook his head. "I talked with him maybe an hour ago. He was still a bit...grumpy?"

"I see." Perhaps Index should call Thorn in for a sleep shift as well. It wasn't that Fox expected him to be in a good mood all the time, but he had been tense and annoyed at pretty much everything for the past two days. Fox really needed to get back to work, if having to take on his duties as well caused this to happen to his Commanders.

Thire cleared his throat.

"Can I get the files?" He asked.

"Right. I'll send them over." Fox opened up his messages. "I've marked the ones I have already read, so you don't need to bother with those."

"Thank you." They lapsed into a silence as the files transferred to Thire's datapad, and it continued as they both got into reading. It wasn't a bad silence, though. Fox could see that Thire was just tired, and didn't wish to speak, and Fox felt very much the same. It was still nice, to have someone in the same room working with him. Fox had never done too well with just silence, but that was the case for most of the clones. It just happened when you grew up having someone around you constantly.

He briefly thought of Cody and the others. Did they ever have to do things like this? Most likely, though Fox assumed it was reading over old battle reports and strategies, more than combing through reports of crimes from the past few decades. The former was something they were all familiar with, at the very least. Fox had not been trained to be a Security Officer, as there had been no demand for such while they had been in training, as far as he had understood it. The Guard was something that had been created precisely at the moment the war had started, and Fox had been pushed into the role.

Fox did understand why: the Chancellor and the Senate wanted a good defense force on the Capital, and they had picked the troopers that had the highest marks for the job. Understanding that still didn't erase the feeling of him being wasted.

His train of thought was interrupted with Thire making a noise. Fox lifted his eyes to see him grimace at this datapad.

"What is it?" He asked. Thire glanced at Fox, then back at whatever he was reading.

"Nothing", he said. "This report is just...a bit unsettling? Sounds more like some horror story than a report."

Fox wasn't exactly suprised. The Guard had just barely started to move down to the lower levels, and they had all already seen pretty gruesome things. There was bound to be more of that in the reports.

"Was there anything relevant for this case?" He asked.

Thire scowled at his screen.

"Not that I saw", he said. "...can I share this with Here and the others? They've started to collect whatever creepy stories they have heard. They would love this."

Thire didn't sound overtly enthusiastic himself, which was a bit surprising. Fox had not taken him for someone who was spooked easily.

"Sure", he said. "But tell them that they cannot spread any personal information of anyone mentioned in the report."

"Of course", Thire said. He typed something quickly, and then seemed to move on to the next report, if the slight loosening of his expression meant anything.

The silence lasted for a few minutes more.

Then both of their commlinks went off.

Thire reached his first.

"It's an emergency notification", he said. "From the medbay."

Concussion be damned. Index wasn't someone who used the emergency notifications for no good reason. Fox got out of his cot, and grabbed his boots.

"Let's go", he said. Thire didn't need to be told twice.

[dioptre-hertz]

here's a very long, very convoluted story about how i completely fucked myself in Demon's Souls this week:

so i've had Demon's Souls (the remake) since i first got my PS5. a friend lent me their disc and i started playing it at the time, but only got up to the first boss; after beating the Phalanx i just kinda fell off it. i'm not sure why, maybe it was Elden Ring fatigue, who knows.

anyway, fast forward to a week or two ago, when my partner urges me to start playing Demon's Souls again. so i pick it up and keep going from the same save file i started years ago - why not, right? i'd barely made any progress anyway, and it's not like anything important happens at the very start of the game, does it?

(this is foreshadowing for later.)

anyway. i get pretty far into the game, and towards the end i realize i'm actually pretty close to unlocking the King of Rings achievement, which you get for obtaining one copy of each of the game's various magical rings. i'm not normally much of an achievement hunter, but when i really enjoy a video game, it can be fun to create these little personal goals for myself! so i figure i may as well go for it. i start plotting out all the contrived things i'll need to do in order to complete every relevant sidequest and obtain every ring.

now, if you're not aware, Demon's Souls has a ludicrously complicated morality mechanic called "Tendency", a set of metrics that can lean towards either Black or White depending on your actions in the game, and which determines what items and NPCs show up. each of the game's five levels has its own World Tendency, which shifts towards White when you defeat bosses and towards Black when you die and become a soul (i.e. if you die while your character has their human body, as opposed to being a disembodied spirit, which is how you spend most of the game). in worlds with White Tendency, enemies are weaker but drop less loot, and certain friendly NPCs with their own little questlines show up; in worlds with Black Tendency, enemies are stronger but drop more loot, and certain hostile Black Phantom NPCs show up to fight you.

on top of that, your character has their own personal Character Tendency, which shifts towards White when you slay evil Black Phantoms throughout the game and shifts towards Black if you murder friendly NPCs.

a variety of items, including some unique rings, are gated behind either Black or White Tendency of both kinds. so if you want to unlock that stupid achievement, you have to be both very evil and very good within the same playthrough.

the catch here is that you have a limited number of opportunities to alter your Tendency (unless you're willing to go online and coordinate some bullshit with other players). there's a finite number of boss fights in each world, and they don't respawn, so after beating all the bosses you have no (single-player) means of shifting your World Tendency towards white anymore. similarly, there's a limited number of (non-player) Black Phantoms and friendly NPCs to defeat, so after you've killed everyone you no longer have any way to modify your Character Tendency.

still, if you're very careful and methodical about how you approach the game, you can obtain every ring in a single playthrough! here's how you'd go about it, roughly speaking:

proceed through the game normally, defeating bosses in the five levels until you reach maximum White World Tendency in each one. this unlocks all the "good" sidequests and NPC encounters and lets you grab their associated items and quests, including some of the rings we need. along the way you can also pick up whatever rings and items are just lying about, obtained through normal progression.

next, repeatedly die and lose your soul in each level, shifting everything to Black World Tendency. this gives you access to some more unique items, including a ring, and it also spawns a bunch of deadly Black Phantoms.

kill all of the aforementioned Black Phantoms. this shifts your protagonist to White Character Tendency, because it's so heroic.

next, go talk to a character called the Monumental, in the hub area. if you've been a very good and sweet warrior with maxed-out White Character Tendency, they'll give you the unique Ally's Ring.

once you've got the good-morality-good-boy ring, you can now start wantonly killing NPCs throughout the game (ideally the less crucial ones). after a while you'll have Black Character Tendency.

at this point, an evil lesbian named Mephistopheles appears and tasks you with killing off the various named NPCs who have come to inhabit the hub area over the course of the game (assuming they're even still alive, you monster). after you assassinate everybody for her, she rewards you with the Foe's Ring, and thus your journey is complete! hooray!

so i follow this basic plan, smoothly unlock everything except the last two rings - the Ally's Ring and the Foe's Ring - and then realize i've missed something.

at the very start of the game - after beating the first boss - the Monumental explains the basic plot of the game to you in a cutscene, and then asks your character if they're up to the task of demon-slaying. you get two seemingly inconsequential dialog choices: either you say "yes", in which case the Monumental thanks you for your courage, or you say "no", in which case they patiently explain that you do not in fact have a choice, what with being a disembodied soul and all. this doesn't appear to have any bearing on the game whatsoever, except...

... if you say "no", then the Monumental never gives you the Ally's Ring. regardless of your Character Tendency.

and, as it turns out, i must have picked the "no" option when i originally booted up the game 4 years ago. so i can't get the fucking ring.

well, fuck, right? but at this point i'm so close to finishing this stupid project, and i'm so invested, i have to see it through. and there's still a way: the Souls games famously have a New Game+ feature that allows you to start a new playthrough with your existing character. this lets you keep your equipment, your level, and your World/Character Tendency stats... and it also makes enemies significantly more powerful... but otherwise it bumps you back to the start of the game. so i could finish my playthrough, go into New Game+, answer "yes" to that one fucking question, and then immediately obtain the ring. it would be pretty much trivial to do it, really.

... but this opens up another problem: i was supposed to get the Ally's Ring, then turn my character evil and do the sidequest for Mephistopheles and get the final ring. recall that i can't go back to White Character Tendency after i start murdering NPCs, so i have to do things in that order: Ally's Ring first, then Foe's Ring.

but, ah, if i start a New Game+ run, then all the NPC sidequests reset...! meaning i have to replay enough of the game to actually collect all the necessary NPCs for my murder spree... alright, that's a bit of a hassle, but i'm out of options.

so i go for it. i pop into New Game+, quickly rush through stage 1-1 to beat the first boss, go talk to the Monumental, pick the dialog option i didn't pick four years ago, and immediately receive the Ally's Ring. easy peasy. all that's left is the Foe's Ring, which would have been effortless if my original plan had worked, but now, well... here's all the additional steps required because i said "no" to that asshole that one time:

play through stage 3-1 until you can rescue Sage Freke from his prison cell. he's one of Mephistopheles' assassination targets, so he needs to be freed so we can murder him for fun and profit later.

defeat the Fool's Idol boss in 3-1, proceed partway into stage 3-2, where you can kill Mephistopheles' silly little knight man. this is required to get her to show up in the hub area.

beat the Adjudicator boss in stage 4-1 and continue a little bit further into 4-2, where you can meet Patches and Saint Urbain, both of whom we need to assassinate later.

beat the Tower Knight boss in stage 1-2 and progress partway through stage 1-3, so that you can free Biorr of the Twin Fangs and Yuria the Witch, two more assassination targets.

oh, but the doorway to 1-3 only opens up if you've defeated one of the other X-3 bosses, i.e. your choice of clearing 2-3, 3-3, 4-3 or 5-3. you need to defeat at least one of these archdemon bosses before you can access stage 1-3.

also, do all this with the increased enemy damage and health they get from being in New Game+.

and also, remember how i deliberately died a bunch of times to shift the World Tendency in every level towards Black, meaning extra enemies and phantoms appear and try to kill me super dead?

by the way, there's a Black Phantom standing at the entrance to level 4-1 called Satsuki. he's a pretty dangerous enemy who, as it turns out, will aggro the very moment you enter the level - as in, you don't actually have to even move, he just fucking sprints towards you as soon as the loading screen is gone - and, with all these modifiers in place, he kills me super dead in one single, beautiful hit.

so that's cool.

so, uh, yeah. all of the above is what i had to put myself through... because... i said "no" to that one fucker four years ago. fuck me.

... still fucking did it though.

[koqabear]

okay i wanted to ask, because i see you writing such long fics but i can barely pull myself together to write this bomb-ass 20k word fic, how do approach a fic you know is going to be a long one in a way that you don't feel intimidated by it, or do you still get intimidated by it and just try and push through it?

okay so first off, thank you so much for sending me this ask 😭 you literally forced me to go through my writing process and caused me to make a huge breakthrough with one of my stories alfkgh

anyways, i'll try to be as thorough and clear as i can be with my process, i hope this helps! (but also im so sorry once i started i couldn't stop)

i think my process can be best described with three fics; Only You, Darling (40k), Killer Instinct (37K), and Memories We Made (unfinished but estimated to be over 30k.). With each story, I knew that they were going to be long, but mostly because I went in with the approach that it has to be long in order for the story to be executed right; characters have to be written thoroughly, and there are certain scenes that need to be written for the plot/character to progress-- like, if it's not written in, the story could lose those small details that make the fic feel more... alive, if that makes sense?

The most important part is making an outline! I know that's probably obvious, but outlines can seriously vary; like with OYD and MWM, I have a whole doc dedicated to the fic. I'm gonna show you what a bit of my OYD planning looks like, please don't point out how genuinely unhinged it is 😭😭😭 (so.. spoilers for OYD + fun fact it was gonna be Sunghoon instead of Jaemin in the story originally hehe)

This is an example of what my outlines can look like; but, it only gets like this as i write-- the first pic is my outline filled with things i added as i wrote OYD such as characteristics/important notes/things i wanna edit, and the second pic is what i started out with.

the first thing i do is brainstorm the bare basics of the plot; what kind of story is it, and what do i want to happen in it? you can see that i separated the story into the key plot points/arcs; and within each one, i also put how i wanted them to begin and end. (the numbers are the wc for each arc alskhg)

the hard part comes in when you're filling these arcs/key points in. because now the big question is, how do you get there? for example, during the first act of OYD, i wanted to establish beomjun's relationship with the mc, and end it off by having the two work together. but in order to do that, i decided to include scenes that showed yeonjun's relationship with the mc, and then beomgyu's relationship with her. now that i had the foundation, i allowed the two to interact; that let me establish beomjun's relationship with each other, and let them realize they had a common goal.

last, you add a catalyst (a character, a situation, etc.) that can get you to your end goal; the catalyst being jaemin, which brought the two to work together out of jealousy-- and that's how i was able to fill in that key point.

then i just repeated that process for all arcs! add scenes that elaborate on key points, then add a catalyst that can take you to the end!

another thing i do when plotting for my stories is record myself brainstorming! i let myself ramble and talk about the plot out loud, and that's usually how i run into plot holes/issues. i kinda let myself figure it out in real time, and once i've figured the plot out, i listen back to it and write it down. (i have voice recordings for OYD and MWM. MWM is 48 mins, if that gives you a gist of what i mean by like... brainstorming. and half of it is straight up fucking nonsense. just let out ideas, details about the characters, scenes you'd like to write, anything. it lets you become more familiar and comfortable with your story, if that even makes sense.)

also! whenever i'm writing but get tired and decide to take a break, i add a quick want to add note at the bottom; that's what the weird little spiel up there in the second pic is. it's where i wrote down the ending scene because i had a super specific idea of what i wanted and how i wanted it to happen. if you get any scene ideas like that for your fic, write them down!! there's a chance that you might forget about it/write it differently if you don't; plus, it could even help you add things in that could make the transition into the scene super smooth.

OYD was honestly a bit intimidating for me when i wrote it, because i knew that it had to be extremely detailed and long. that's why i made sure to properly plan things out, that way so i didn't forget anything that could skew the execution. but one of the biggest tips is that you should brainstorm scenes you want to add in each key point, that way you don't feel as intimidated when writing-- because now you have a guide, yk? I'd love to show how my MWM outline looks like, but the fic isn't even out yet 😭 but it's literally a scene-by-scene outline of how i want the story to go! now all i have to do is flesh out the said scenes :)

then there's fics like killer instinct. i went into that with pure vibes, no outline, no planning; more of a mental outline, if anything. so if you find the idea of the whole written outline + scene & key points boring/not for you, i'd still suggest to get the bare basics down; but what i did with killer instinct was that i brainstormed as i went, and added small notes to keep track of important things so i wouldn't screw with continuity-- age and time is pretty important in that story, and i kid you not this is the only thing i had for killer instinct outline wise (bc im not counting my doc of mma notes.)

but for killer instinct, i kinda winged it; i knew what the general plot was, but allowed myself to have fun on how to get there. the only thing i will say though, is that with every scene, you should try to plan out the next one-- like, intro to killer instinct is introducing taegyu, then i'll introduce the mc. then i'll introduce the world and background. and now that i have a foundation, i'll add extra scenes, then a catalyst! this leads into the main conflict, then y'know the rest. but instead of planning it out bit by bit, i kinda let myself go with the flow...? it also let me be a lot less intimidated by the fact that I knew the story would have to be long.

as for the story i had a big breakthrough with, i'm definitely a bit intimidated by it! i know it has to be intricate and emotional and intense, so in order to help with that, i've made playlists to get me in the correct mood, watch shows, read other fics, anything to help me get comfortable with the genre and spark inspiration. I'm currently winging it as well.... but have three key points im sticking to-- it's gonna sound a bit confusing and vague but it's like... add foundation + the male lead is introduced -> background is given to let ppl know motivations and stuff -> final scene. and whenever i run into an issue, i brainstorm and try to get to the root of why im stuck. like, is it plot, the character, or the scene? in this case it was all three so. pray for me.

anyways. i hope this helped and im so sorry if it didn't 😭😭😭 because then that just means u read this painfully messy explanation for nothing. but when writing long fics, pleeeaseee make sure to take your time with it-- if nothing's working, give it time and don't force yourself to write whatever! (mwm has been in my wip for a solid like. year..? but this is a rare case plus im insane)

and if your word count ends up surpassing/being under than what you originally expected, don't panic! (killer instinct was estimated at 20-25k. so.) sometimes certain scenes just aren't necessary, and other times, you find that you may need to elaborate more in order to make things work.

im seriously wishing you luck on your project!! and if you found this somehow did help and have more questions, don't hesitate to ask! oh and if you found something i said confusing (bc i do have the tendency to not make sense) pls lmk and i'll try to clear it up asdglsh 😭

[lovesickramblingsofmine]

And with that another month and a half has passed, life happens but I have returned. This one maybe ain't so happy, but again, my blog my thoughts.

Fair warning, this is very stream-of-consciousness and barely makes sense. Also swearing and dysphoria afoot.

Sooooo, I feel very small and alone (I also feel far too large, but we'll get back to that). Tonight I was an hour from home with a few friends at this theater thing that this university puts on. The play was fun, I was meant to hang out with them earlier during the day as well but I cancelled that because I felt like ass and needed to rest. I've been doing that thing where I book more stuff than I have energy for and end up feeling drained by the end of Sunday.

Again, the play was nice, and there was an obvious community that was lovely to get a peek at from the outside. It sort if makes me long for a community I never took part in during my own university times. But regardless of that little detail, I was there with two friends (who I'm not really that close with) and this new person that's friends with one of my friends. It all felt really awkward. I missed being in the company of my closest friends, where being me is a no-brainer. Tonight my walls were up, I even introduced myself as my dead-name to this new person, they did not pass the vibe check. I'm sure they would've been fine but I was scared.

I'm left with this gnawing feeling of needing to meet some queer people. I'm just so damn tired, I want to sleep and I want to hang out with my friends at some house party and I want to be able to call that friend I've lost contact with and I want to be somewhere I can be myself and I want so badly to be unafraid of showing my true self. But I will have to do it scared, and by FUCK am I afraid.

I'm getting my ass kicked to hell and back by dysphoria as well, whatever god made me this tall is surely laughing because I am struggling with this fucking shit. We have this fun thing at work where we dress up to a theme every Friday, twice it's been something gender-fucky and BOTH times I've been told I'd look like a woman if it wasn't flr my FUCKING height. The first time by a kid who said they thought I was a girl at first, until they saw how tall I was. The second time a colleague told me that one could mistake me for a woman from the back (skirt and long hair) but that I didn't walk like a woman and that I was too tall. And I genuinely believe that both these people mean well, they think they're reassuring a man that they still look like a man. But FUUUCK it is messing me up. The fact my height isn't a changeable thing but rather something I'll have to learn to live with is a cruel joke and I'd like to hit whoever made it that way.

Came out to two of my colleagues, they were supportive and answered my questions of if I would be able to work there being trans with positive statements. So that's nice, but pretending to be who I was born as for eight hours a day is slowly making me insane.

Went onto a trans-friendly world in vrchat, was an incredible time. Got told that my voice passes by this random cis guy (I'd bet good money on them being an egg but whatever) which I don't buy but it's nice hearing that I'm making progress. I think I'm gonna jump back on once I get back home, I need to meet another queer person or I might lose it.

Oh another thing, was out celebrating one of my closest friends, did this using my new name... in theory. I had a near heart attack when people started giving their names and dodged the question somehow. It was great being referred to as my real name, but giving a clearly feminine name when I look very clearly male is nerve-wracking. I ended up not being able to dodge one set of these questions, but it was only with two people and they were cool about it. I think if I don't start presenting more feminine it'll hinder my progress in getting gendered correctly, but it is so damn scary.

I think that's all I've got to ramble about today, thanks for reading and have a good one, Anya out.

[gloriouspiratenacho]

An Update

On Character AI:

Nobunaga is currently in progress. So far the bare bones model is doing pretty well! I still need to sit down an flesh it out more. See if I can capture some of his mannerisms.

Kicho is also seemingly doing pretty well? I'm going to leave him as a Work in Progress until I get further in his route, so some minor changes may happen. But he is currently available, regardless.

I've also been testing on other sites.

Character AI is great: it's free, and the characters really do feel very humanlike sometimes. But AI technology is new, and I feel it's worthwhile to check out the competition periodically, and make sure there isn't something better.

Reviews for new sites below:

Poe.com

Pros:

The bot builder can pick which LLM (ai model) is running the bot, as well as adjust the temperature. (Temperature controls how faithful and boring the responses will be vs how creative and possibly nonsensical.

Depending on the model, there may not be a filter.

Cons

Not free. You do get a fair amount of free daily messages though. But depending on the Ai model, you may run through them fast. I've picked a lower token model to get more messages from my bots, which also happens to be filterless.

Not meant for roleplay. Less rp bots, not as easy to build a rp bot.

Bots have to have unique names. So the naming on this site can get really nutty.

I've copied over Mitsuhide and Motonari from character Ai to test. Motonari has been absolutely fabulous. The behavior is there. He takes initiative to come up with new things. The replies are a bit long sometimes. Mitsuhide hasn't fared as well. The personality is just not where I want it. Character AI definitely has a better conversational model. I'll go ahead and make Motonari public if anyone wants to explore. I'll keep working on Mitsuhide.

Figgs.ai

Pros:

Completely and utterly free.

No filter.

Feels pretty close to character Ai in the way it works and replies.

Made for characters and roleplay.

Bots are more faithful to their programming.

Cons:

No filter. (which means it's full of horrifying porn bots)

The site is brand new, like only a couple of months old. They have a lot of things they are still trying to figure out. The site isn't as streamlined as it could be. They are working on it.

Can't delete bots you tried on a whim (yet)

When viewing your previous chats, you can't tell which is which. (no preview)

Not quite as conversational as character Ai. Bots seem like they do better with more direction.

I can just copy things directly from character Ai and drop them in the appropriate fields, it's super easy to build here. They don't have a character building guide yet, but luckily, I don't need to change anything. Unfortunately, my perfectly SFW character Ai bots are getting flagged as NSFW for some reason, so... In order to find my bots, be ready for some porn bots. 😅 As for behavior, I'm also not pleased with how Mitsuhide came out on here either. I'm still working on him. I moved over my OC Yandere Assassin, who is working very well, and two of my banned bots that were some of my favorites on character Ai. They are also working pretty well. The thing I have discovered is that you NEED a scenario for the bot to work well. All 3 that do okay? They have a mission. Mitsuhide does not, because I was leaving it up to the user to create the scenario, or not, and just have a fun chat with him. So I might have to give him a scene to work with. No scene, and the bot just keeps politely asking what you want to talk about, what you want to do, and about the weather. Just like Poe, Figgs isn't as good at conversation, and Mitsuhide's personality just isn't where I want it yet. Still working on it. WHAT FIGGS IS GOOD AT: slow burn romance. I put Motonari on there to test, and it was INCREDIBLY HARD to get him to fall in love with you.... Which is exactly how it should be. I had to work very hard to earn his trust. So if you get mad that all the characters at character ai fall in love after 2 interactions, this might be a better alternative. And lastly, it's a really new website. They are still working on it. There's no character guide, and some (most) of the bots are very, very badly built. If you try one out and it's awful, it probably isn't the website's fault. It's just a badly built bot. The Gale from Baldur's Gate 3 I tried was excellent. My bots are pretty good too (though Mitsuhide needs some work.)

I'm considering trying Yodayo.

Not free, but the bots seem decent, and you get a pretty good amount of free daily conversations, and I think it was actually even pretty affordable if you wanted to pay. I haven't built on there yet. You'll want to pick "Tavern" to chat. Unfiltered, so beware of porn.

If you know of any character Ai alternatives I should try, hit me up!

[elvenbeard]

2077, April

"You really think I can make it, survive this?"

"'Course you can. I mean, you did already die and come back once, didn't ya?"

The chance of a lifetime the Konpeki Plaza Heist should have been turned Vince's existence into a living nightmare. Going from "just living, day by day" to "sheer survival, at all costs" in the manner of moments and following a row of bad decisions made by everyone involved, this was now definitely his last chance to get his life back on the right track. A second chance, after so many other second chances he'd already botched... while the one who would've really deserved another shot was now gone from Vince's life forever.

Jackie, the one person he had never regretted to trust in, who had never let him down, helped him out of the greatest messes, wouldn't be at his side through his biggest challenge so far. Vince would often lie awake at night wondering "What if he'd just kept the damn biochip? Would he be here now, instead of me? Why am I still here when he'd deserved it so much more?"

But then again... Jackie wouldn't have deserved Johnny Silverhand, Vince's newly acquired brain parasite from days long gone, unwanted voice of unreason, and perpetual threat to his mere existence.

Vince was dying, losing himself, little by little, day by day, after it had taken him ten long years to get to a point of self-acceptance and recognizing his strengths, desires, what he truly wanted from life. It was the cruelest irony of fate imaginable.

Misty's words accompanied him through his darkest moments: as long as your heart's still beating, there is hope.

Vince never wanted to be a legend... but for Jackie's sake, he'd make sure everyone would remember their names. He'd survive this, get rid of the Relic, of the terrorist in his brain, and make it out alive. No matter the cost.

Vince through the years (7/9)

A handful of before and after screenshots this time:

Some slight colour adjustments, and a little Relic-like glitch effect like it happens to Johnny whenever he's visible!

Also these two didn't make it to the final set, but I still really love the flying sparks effect :O These are completely vanilla, done in vanilla Photomode without path tracing. There's a lot of particle effects going on at Afterlife that render very interestingly sometimes (I think only since the graphics update though, since pics in Photomode take a moment to render, creating this motion blur/ long exposure effect). Sometimes this a bit annoying when you want to go for a relatively clean shot, but these looked really kinda cool for once xD

I've also been playing around a lot with a free filter plugin (search for GMIC) for Photoshop that has some really nice glitch effects, chromatic abberation, amongst many many many others :o If you don't know it and use Photoshop (although I think there are versions for other programs available as well!), I can definitely recommend it!

Now, to what I wrote above the cut, briefly. This is a relatively short post compared to all others in the series cause it's obviously the one aligning with what canonically happens in game and there's no need to retell all that in great detail xD What I wanted to focus on though was Vince's shift of mind between pre-Heist and post-Heist.

Before the heist, when Dex asks him what he wants, a quiet life or a blaze of glory, Vince is internally leaning more to a quiet life. Assuming though that that's not what Dex would wanna hear, probably, he deflects, gives him no clear answer. But yes, after having to run away from home, struggling on the street, busting his ass for Arasaka and barely making it out of all of that alive, had it not been for Jackie, he has no intentions of just throwing all his growth and progress away by blowing himself up in some daredevil endeavour. He's reached a point where he genuinely likes himself, his body, his life, and while he's not perfect, still in recovery from his time at Arasaka, and has done messed up things to get here, he would've been content with just small-time, low-risk merc work for the years to come.

With Jackie gone though, who has been a constant guidance over the last 10 years, with everything that rains down on Vince during the post-Konpeki shitstorm, I think this would change. He's being told "you're gonna lose yourself, forget who you are", "the body you literally shaped after your own wishes will soon be Johnny's", whom he cannot stand, no one wants to work with him initially after such a legendary failure, he has "a few weeks, at most" left to live... fuck all that, so hard. He's gonna fight tooth and nail to make it out of it alive, forget the quiet life.

He's gonna make sure as hell that, if all ends up being in vain, people will remember him and that he didn't settle for the easy way out. If he has to die, he'll do so standing - maybe scared, but head held high. Cause everything else would be a disservice to how far both he and Jackie have come together, to who he is at his core: a rebellious kid who once rather would've taken on a whole Valentino gang on his own instead of calling his corpo mother for help, someone who quit his secure job because he refused to keep taking the abuse from his boss, who risked his life for his best friend despite sending himself down a spiral of despair in the aftermath. He's not scared of getting his hands dirty, of forging his own path (alone, if need be), and of taking risks if he thinks they're worth it for himself or the people he's loyal to.

[fox-from-fairytale]

Doesn't matter if I already know how it ends, this game will never fail to make me cry.

It's so good that I'd replay it even if I've just finished it, but thankfully there are the other seasons. The thing is, the first one really is the best one. I've always found all the characters so well written and the story is so compelling, even if there are some awkward moments. Couldn't Clem kill the walker with the bat before trying to take the gun/keys? Why didn't the bandits follow Lee and Mark through the open fence? Did Ben really not see the walkers on the other side of the door? Still, those are little things compared to everything else.

The first time I was so focused on Clementine that most of the characters were just background noise to me, but this time I had the possibility to appreciate more of the game since I already knew it, and who shined the most was Lilly. I love that woman for both her good and bad traits, and I'm afraid to replay TFS now lmao 😰

It was a bit annoying how the game seems to try and antagonise her through the other characters bitching about her, but it makes sense since that's something that of course would happen to the only person with the guts to distribute food rations. But still, having Lee as the only one who can say something positive about her and what she has done when the player has absolutely no idea about how things are in the group because it's the beginning of the episode? Lmao fuck you. Also, why does she accuse Carley but if you save Doug she kills him as a mistake? Let my woman show no remorse towards both of them.

She's already hurt for losing the only family she had, so losing the other thing she was protecting so desperately because someone within the group betrayed them is the last nail in the coffin, along with being dismissed while she was trying to find out who did it. I'm not saying it was right to kill Carley/try to kill Ben (who did what he did for understandable reasons from his side), but I still see why she snapped and I can't hate her for it.

It's a pity the game gets rid of her, because seeing someone who still didn't lose her humanity (sure, she doesn’t want other mouths to feed, which should be obvious why since she is the one giving food and knowing they can barely survive with what they can find, but she shows it when she doesn't agree with Kenny if he says that Lee made a mistake putting the girl in Macon out of her misery or when she doesn't want to steal from the stranger - she doesn't want to bear the weight of more people because it would be impossible to take care of them too and she prioritise her family and then her group, but this doesn’t mean she wants to survive on other people's expenses, which, ergh... kinda changes) doing something so ruthless it's so interesting, and I would have loved to see her progression through the game. I guess we do in TFS, but at the moment I'm torn about what they did with her in that season... Also, I simply wanted more of her in the game lmao

Protecting Duck and Katjaa as much as I could + trying to save Larry was a good combo for Kenny, I genuinely think those choices gave me the best of him. I like to make fun of him for being a pain in the ass if you agree with him about everything but a single choice is what makes him despise you and even avoid to save your ass when you need, but I really liked how things evolved in the final episode.

Kenny isn't a bad person, no one at the motor inn and who can join the group later on is, and killing someone (who at the moment is defenceless) because it's what you think is the right thing to do to protect yourself takes quite a lot, and Lee not helping him surely would make him feel like being left alone in such a hard moment and would divide them. But in the last episode, after seeing the worst of him (I mean, I believe that's in s2, but that's another story) because of his loss, the fact that he comes around when Clem is taken and treats you as a pal and uses the last bullet for Ben? I loved that, I think it showed the best of him. I thought he was going to be an asshole till the end, but I'm glad I can be on Lilly's side without having to be hated by Kenny for the whole season. I still loved to kick his ass in the third episode though lmao

I've made some pretty different choices compared to the first time, putting more thoughts behind them, especially when it came down to end someone's life.

Lee is a man who killed before it was necessary to survive, but it wasn't premeditated (or so I believe at least), and still has the heart to take care of a random kid as if she was his own. In the end, I only made him kill the girl at the motor inn who was bitten, the one screaming in Macon, and the stranger. Following this, I didn't let Clementine shoot him, and I'm glad the game made me give the actual reason I thought about: killing changes you, and I don't think a parent (that's who he is in the end) would make their child go through that, especially when said parent knows what it's like, and not only after the apocalypse.

It's clear that in the world she lives in she'll end up doing it, but it wasn't necessary to her safety, and Lee is no coward, and I like to think that he would keep prioritising Clementine over himself even in such a moment. Yes, it's sad for Lee, and Clementine surely is going to regret this, but I wanted to make the choice as Lee, not as the player nor as Clem.

These aren't all my thoughts on the game but the rambling got a bit too long, so I'm going to end it with the love of my life being pissed:

[karebeast]

The Nebula Stars Discord Server Plans 2025

This is a copy paste from my public Patreon Post

The lingering thought throughout this year is starting up my own server based around The Nebula Stars (again, as this is not the first time I've done this), I want to do a better job managing, setting and following through order (not letting scummy actions slide, and not allow myself to empathize on wrong actions), planning, and keeping the topic in topic of the theme of the server in which my old one has failed to do 2018-2020. I am still skeptical of the idea due to my deteriorating energy and am not as on top of things as I once was, especially since I keep most of my energy on my project(s). However I do plan to keep the server to Patreon members, both none and paying with a few small exceptions of people that are very engaged in my project that I, myself, find acceptable to join. I do not plan to make this a public server, things are made too complicated and can easily steer from what this server is for (especially if those are not actually interested in The Nebula Star in general, which was what happened with my old server).

The first Volume almost has Chapter completed, just a few more chapters and Volume 1 of The Nebula Stars will be completed. I'll need to set up some things afterwards, publicly showing the chapters as I work in Volume 2. I don't think I'll open a server immediately, as my community is very very small currently, which will be a struggle to keep active for one, but is easy to manage at the same time. I want to see what sort of engagement there is and debate it's a good idea. Secondly, I've been recovering from some personal trauma which affects my trust in others greatly, and has indeed affected my actions and thought process I'm unsure if I will recover from. However, I've been slowly making progress, even if it still is a struggle from time to time, I recognize I am improving, and due to these traumas, it has worsened my memories, so remembering things for me has been a greater challenge I've picked up on, which may make managing a lot more difficult on myself. I worry also if I will stress too much with owning a server again, and it's something I need to avoid as it affects my health.

But again, this is a mayhaps idea if I will do this or not, in the end, it's all about testing the water for a bit before jumping right in.

As a broken record: Thank you everyone for supporting me all of this year, I never expected or thought I would have any Patreon members, especially this early in development on a project I've been working on for over a decade, I struggle to realize how much my content affects everyone, including those outside of Patreon. And it really does mean a lot that I manage to touch people with my work, even if they barely know the story. I hope things progress from here, especially during these scary times. I love you all, very dearly, as I'm always moved being reminded how much people actually care about my silly little thing, especially how much of a battle it has been all throughout this year for me. Again, thank you.