#i mean i've always been scared of someone being able to read my mind

[byfulcrums]

holy shit my worst fear just came true

[wolvesofinnistrad]

Read on Ao3 Here.

Its been about 6 months. 

6 of the best months of a relationship Buck has ever had. And its not even about it being a guy, discovering his bisexuality. Its just... Tommy.

Hes great in so many ways, and the dynamic is so different that for the first time Buck has been able to relax, not always feel like hes chasing after someone. Actually, hes found out he quite likes being the one that gets chased, romanced, flirted with.

Everything is going great and hes even, in the back of his mind, been starting to think this might be it, this might be a long term thing after all which he'd have never expected. And then Eddie fucks it all up by telling him his most recent girlfriend, Beatrice or something Buck honestly hasn't kept track lately, broke up with him because quote "i can never have a place in your life when you've got Buck so entrenched in it."

Hes never had anyone imply that his and Eddies friendship, the little family hes made with Eddie and Chris, is somehow wrong or off-putting. Eddie was more annoyed than anything and didn't seem to care. But Buck... Buck got worried. Not because he cared about what Betty or whatever thought, but because he wondered if it wasn't true. If maybe their dynamic would scare people off eventually, and did that mean it would scare Tommy off as well?

So that's how hes sitting here, curled under a blanket on the couch, a new sectional he bought because Tommy's back didn't get enough support in the last one, spilling his guts to his boyfriend. When hes done he looks up at Tommy, expecting, well, something. Anger, confusion, heartbreak, but... Its not there. Tommy smiles at him, placing a hand on his leg over the blanket. "Evan... i understand how important Eddie and Chris are to you. I would never make you choose. I would never try to cut them out or deny you that."

Buck takes that in sits with it for a moment but finds it doesn't fully alleviate his concerns.

"But what if... i mean, if were together, you know, for the long haul. It wont affect you? What i have with them?"

Tommy smiles, he looks away for a minute and laughs.

"Can i be really honest with you Evan?" He says, meeting his eyes now. 

Buck nods.

Tommy inches closer, drawing up one of his legs beneath him. "When we first started dating i knew you all were close, but i didn't really understand until later that you were a 'family.'" He pauses, thinks. "But when i did, yeah, there was a moment i was a little worried where i fit in. Where there was space for me in your life. And then i had an idea, and once i wrapped my head around it that way, re-conceptualized how i looked at things, it didn't scare me anymore."

Now that's surprising to hear, Buck wants to know what could have so easily changed his mind. "And what was it that made you not worry then?"

Again Tommy laughs. "I started thinking of Eddie like he was your ex husband."

Bucks eyes bug out a bit. "My what?!"

Tommy shrugs. "It was easier in my head than just saying your best friend who you're co-parenting with. I've dated guys with kids, with exes before. It wasn't a stretch to think of it like Eddie was your ex and Chris was your kid from another relationship. Once i put it in my head like that, i didn't worry about whether we could have a life together. You'll always be tied to them, but it didn't mean you couldn't have a life with me to." He reached over and took Bucks hand, squeezed it tight. "And honestly Evan? I'm starting to think I'd like that. A life with you."

Despite how weird it is to think of his little family with Eddie and Chris that way, how Tommy sees it, there's something relief and happiness coursing through him. Knowing that Tommy's already figured out how he can keep some of the most important people in his life and incorporate them into a new life hes building for himself. For him and Tommy. 

"Evan?" Tommy asks, scootching closer on the couch, their knees knocking together.

Buck realizes its been too long since he's said anything, but when he speaks he simply says "move in with me."

For all of a second Tommy looks shocked, then elated, then seemingly guarded. "Evan... You don't have to lock me down or something i just exp-"

Buck cuts him off, "its not that. Trust me, I've done that before. Held on so tight, clung because i was scared of being left behind. This isn't that. This is..." he stops, lets his mind and body calm enough to get this right. "This is me holding on because I don't want to let go. Because i want to stay, right here, with you. I'm not scared of being left anymore, I'm scared of not putting down roots. Of not letting the best boyfriend I've ever had,"

"Only," Tommy interjects.

"Best," Buck reiterates, gripping his hand tighter, boyfriend I've ever had know that i want this. I want him. I want a life with you too. And hearing that i think, it was just the final thing falling into place, the last weight weighing on me. I... I've been thinking of asking you for a while, but i wanted so bad to get it right this time. And i think i am, but Tommy." He looks into his eyes. "Tommy you're the first time I've felt like if i got it wrong it would still be okay, we could make it work anyway. So move in with me. Please. Or.. heck, we could get a place of our own if you like?"

Tommy kisses him then. Its slow and passionate but all consuming. Its like nothing hes ever had before. And it feels so right. For once it feels Right.

A week later Tommy sends him a photo of a house for rent. Rent to own actually.

"Wheres that at?" He asks, because its a nice place, he can see the potential.

"Its literally a block away from Eddie's house, I saw it as I was driving away." He says, and Buck can almost hear the laugh and smug smile miles away.

"Its perfect." He writes back. But what he means is, 'you're perfect.'

[trillscienceofficer]

from Cinefantastique Volume 28 #4-5, November 1996

KLINGON ENGINEER: Roxann Biggs-Dawson as B'Elanna Torres gives heart to the hard-working Maquis engineer.

By Anna L. Kaplan

A bedroom scene between B'Elanna Torres (Roxann Biggs-Dawson) and Commander Chakotay (Robert Beltran) appeared in the second season VOYAGER episode, "Persistence of Vision." This scene provoked a very loud and negative response from fans. A surprised Biggs-Dawson laughed and said, "So many people gave me so much flak about that, as if I had written it. It was amazing, the letters, and the comments. Mostly the women really spoke out strongly against it, and felt that it was a weak cop-out. I totally disagreed with that."

In the episode, an alien was able to subdue the crew and put them into trance-like states by mind control, whereby each individual believed himself to be with someone extremely psychologically important. Tuvok, for example, joined his wife on Vulcan, while Tom Paris saw his father. B'Elanna, hard at work in engineering and determined to save the ship, found herself talking to Chakotay, apparently, who convinced her to stop work and join him. While she knew it was not really Chakotay, and said so, B'Elanna succumbed to the temptation.

Noted Biggs-Dawson, "I felt that the strength of that alien, the way he could get to us as humans, was that he understands the deep need, whether you're a Vulcan, or a half-Klingon or whatever, that we all have to love and to be loved. The things that would put us into those trances were those very deep needs. I think for B'Elanna, it wasn't a reflection of a direct attraction to Chakotay. He represents so much to her, a father figure, a mentor, her teacher, her coworker, and he is an attractive man. I think it was a desire to give in to a side that she does not give into easily, and that was what caused her particular trance. I don't think that necessarily means that he is always on her mind. It probably took her by surprise as much as it did the audience. It was more of a reflection of her need to please, to fulfill, all of these things are very real, very human.

"At [STAR TREK] conventions, a lot of people [were] feeling that the writers just felt that the only thing B'Elanna was about, was being in love with Chakotay. That wasn't what the message was at all. I didn't read it that way when I read the script. It did say something about all of the characters who succumbed to those needs of wanting to love and to be loved, those things that we shove away, and push away, and don't want to deal with." It is readily apparent that Biggs-Dawson thinks a lot about B'Elanna Torres and what makes her the person she is. She noted about the second season, "I think it's been interesting. I've had some interesting costars, one was a computer, and one was a mechanical man. I'm waiting for them to give me a real person to play off of." She laughed. "I keep joking. I had an episode last season where I played opposite myself, then opposite a machine, then opposite a machine with my voice. So it's obviously a theme. Hopefully [this] year I get to talk to a real person. The second season episodes the actress is referring to were "Prototype" and "Dreadnought." She noted more seriously, "When I saw both 'Prototype' and 'Dreadnought' they scared me a bit, because it was going to be difficult to pull off. I think the end result was that we found some interest- ing themes I didn't know were there in the beginning." In "Prototype" Torres repairs a robot whose creators are gone. The robot then wants her to make new robots. Biggs-Dawson observed, "So much of 'Prototype' was the only way B'Elanna could deal with her own mothering instincts and creation [instincts]. At this point in her development, probably the only way that she can confront her feelings and herself, is through the creation and adoption of a mechanical being, of a robot, and to be as excited about that as some people [are] about children or other kinds of creation."

In "Dreadnought" Voyager encounters a Cardassian missile whose computer Torres had reprogrammed when she was a Maquis, using her own voice for the computer. She has to stop it from destroying a highly populated planet. Said Torres [sic, the author meant Dawson], "'Dreadnought' was an interesting challenge because it was very much dealing with who B'Elanna used to be, confronting her former self. She was forced to see how much she had changed, and who she was at the time. She was forced to battle that in a very, very tangible way. That I found to be the most interesting: think I had most of my revelations when I went in to do the computer voice. As I was recording that side of the episode, later on, there was a real sense of growing to understand who I was before, who B'Elanna was who was actually programming all that stuff into the computer."

Biggs-Dawson likes B'Elanna Torres. She said about B'Elanna, "She makes mistakes. I love that the writers allow her to be flawed and fallible. I think that's what makes her so interesting. So often on television you have these characters that are playing all good or all evil, and they battle it. Here you've got this character that is a little bit of both, which I think we all are. Her decisions and her struggles, what makes them so human, in a way, [is that] there is often not a definite right and a wrong. There's a lot of gray area in there, and I think that's where B'Elanna lives." Biggs-Dawson has some ideas about how to explore her character, but hasn't yet approached the show's producers or writers to discuss them. "We can say whatever we want, whether anything's ever done about it, that's another story," she said, laughing. "They're very open to listening to us. I actually haven't felt the need to discuss the future of my character with them at all, because I feel like so far they've been very much in line. It's only been in the last few weeks that I've had some desires or thoughts that I might want to approach them about. But it's really been the first time in this two year process that I might want to go to them and say, 'Why don't we look at this side of her character. We want to explore this.' I think in the beginning, they hand you a character. They know so much more about this character than you do. Now it's been two years and she's starting to meld vith me. I think they understand that. As we play these characters, we start to almost take them, and they become ours, and our insights mean that much more."

The versatile and talented Biggs-Dawson, who played Diana in A Chorus Line on Broadway, has film credits which include DARKMAN II and GUILTY BY SUSPICION, and has appeared on such television shows as MATLOCK, THE UNTOUCHABLES, and POINTMAN. As B'Elanna Torres in VOYAGER, she hopes to inspire and teach, something that has always been possible on a STAR TREK series. She speculated about the future on VOYAGER, "It's important, as relationships develop, and I hope they will, that being a strong woman doesn't mean that you can't have a partner, or you can't show romantic feelings toward the opposite sex. I think that the rules have to be redefined. To think that in order to be strong you have to be alone the rest of your life is kind of frightening, and I hope that STAR TREK will be at the forefront of showing a new kind of woman, who will redefine the love relationships between male and female. I'd like to see that."

But facing the hiatus before third season, she is ready for some time off, which she said she will use, "Mostly to relax. I've go a few conventions, and a couple little vacations planned. But I think mostly to relax, it goes by so quickly."

[live-laugh-neteyam]

Mine ||| neteyam x omatikaya!reader

part three of The Future's Better Than Yesterday | previous | series masterlist | next |

pairings: neteyam x omatikaya!fem!reader *aged up*

summary: feelings are confessed and sparks fly. basically this is my attempt at smut. (my first smut I’m scared) as per usual more of my corny writing.

words: 2.9k

warnings/notes: *SMUT!* *NSFW!* *18+* just basic smut. this is my first smut so it’s probably terrible sorry I’m advance. use of y/n, mates/mating, slight swearing, end of chapter mentions death, blood, and nightmares. probably spelling and grammar mistakes because who has the time to proof read?, (there’s some song references in this chapter, if you get them I love you forever)

taglist: I’ve had a few requests for tags so let me know if you’d like to be added to or removed from the taglist :)

@slythermania @ancientbeing10 @thexplosivegirl @thatonegirlwiththebeanie367 @luloveseddie

If you’re crossed out it means it wouldn’t let me tag you I’m sorry :(

I would also like to apologize to the people who wanted to be tagged and I was like here have this terrible smut

“I see you Y/N.”

His words rang through your ears as your mind tried to register them. You felt his breath on your face as he leaned impossibly closer. His eyes never leaving yours, staring straight into your soul, daring you to say something.

Reaching up you gently cupped his face. "Teyam, you want me?" You breathed out. “Even with everything that’s wrong with me?” You teared up.

“There is nothing wrong with you.” He pulled you into his embrace. “You are perfect in every way.”

He hated the way you viewed yourself. You acted as if you were broken, a burden to everyone around you. In Neteyam’s eyes you were anything but.

“I have always wanted you. And I always will.” Gently he moved your face up to look at him. “I want to occupy your brain Y/N. Let me be the only living space in your head.”

No one had ever said such words to you. You didn’t know what to say. Neteyam was practically a poet confessing his love and you couldn’t even form a single word.

“I want you to be mine Y/N. But if you don’t feel that way-if you’d rather be with someone else, I-“ not being able to hold back any longer you interrupted him. "Yours is the only name that's under my breath.” You whispered just loud enough for him to hear.

Your fingers found their home through his braided hair. “I see you Neteyam."

Neteyam felt his heart leap at your words. Words he had waited years to hear. He couldn't contain himself any longer as he lunged forward capturing your lips in a kiss.

Your eyes widened at the sudden action but quickly fluttered shut as you melted into the kiss. He urgently pulled you closer to him as if you would disappear if he didn't. You were putty in his hands as you molded into his touch.

The sudden need for air forced him to pull away from you. He admired your hooded eyes and your swollen lips. "I hope that was okay." He chuckled gently caressing your face.

"More than okay." You smiled at him.

This moment was perfect. It was everything you had ever hoped for. You desperately tried to commit every last detail to memory. You needed to hang onto this forever.

He kissed you again this time not as gentle. It was rough and messy. He was letting out years of pent up feelings. Years of not knowing what to say. Years of frustration.

Pulling away gasping for breath you stared into his eyes. They were the most beautiful shade of gold. They resembled the light right before eclipse.

When your eyes focused back to your surroundings you saw Neteyam offering you his queue. Your eyes widened for a moment realizing that he really was serious.

"Are you sure?" You whispered giving him one last chance to back out.

He gave you that soft smile that you adored so much. "I've never been more sure of anything." His thumb gently rubbing circles on your cheek. "But it doesn't matter what I think. What do you want?"

Reaching behind you you extended your queue to him. "I want you, Neteyam."

Slowly he brought his queue towards yours until they finally intertwined. It felt like an electric spark coursed through your body. Your eyes dilated as you took in heavy breaths.

Eyes staying on Neteyam you noticed his tail whipping back and forth as tried to tame the intense feeling.

Your whole body felt like it was tingling. Every sensation stronger than the last. You could feel Neteyam's heartbeat, it's rhythm matched your own. You felt every breath he took in your own lungs.

"Ma'Y/N." He breathed before capturing you in a kiss once again.

Not being able to control yourself you whimpered into the kiss. The ache between your thighs started when he first kissed you, but now thanks to tsaheylu it intensified.

Your mate could feel it too.

"Be patient my mate. I will take care of you." He said in between kisses. His words made you shiver. He was yours. He was finally yours.

Neteyam was trying his best to show restraint. He wanted to take his time exploring your body. But he also had a strong urge to completely devour you. He had spent too many years waiting.

His lips moved down until they found their home on your neck. He inhaled deeply your sweet scent making his head spin. Hands trailing up and down your sides as he left purple marks on your neck.

He tried reaching underneath your top cursing when the beads were making it difficult. He started to remove the clothing, first looking up at you. "This okay?" He asked. You violently shook your head. "Yes." Voice cracking.

Neteyam practically ripped the top off of you. Eyes widening he took a moment to admire your chest. His pause made you feel self conscious. You started to move your arms in an attempt to cover yourself. His brows furrowed at your movement. Gently pulling your arms away he shook his head. "Don't hide yourself. You're beautiful Ma'Y/N." Your cheeks went hot at his words.

His face dipped between your breasts ravishing them with kisses. His mouth found your nipple and started sucking on it. His hand reaching for your other breast gently kneading it. Moaning your back arched off the ground and into his touch. Pulling on his head trying to get him impossibly closer.

Releasing your breast with a pop he continued moving down your body. Leaving a trail of kisses down to your navel, his fingers traced the blue stripes on your sides. His eyes locked onto your face as you shuddered at his touches.

Fingers playing with the sides of your loincloth he searched your face for any hesitation. "Can I take this off?"

"Please Neteyam. Take it off." You wined.

He smirked as he removed it. He loved seeing you so needy and desperate all for him. Tossing your last remaining piece of clothing to the side he finally pulled your legs open.

Taking a deep breath the scent of your arousal hitting him. The sight of your glistening folds made him harder than he already was. It took every ounce of self control he had not to shove his dick inside you right then.

Leaning down he placed a kiss on your inner thigh. Your scent was driving him crazy. His face right in front of your aching core. He wanted to know if you tasted as sweet as you smelled.

"Wanna taste you." He mumbled. A deep moan erupted from the back of your throat. Neteyam blew onto your sopping cunt, enjoying the sight of you shivering. Hips bucking desperately searching for friction.

"Teyam please." You wined. You were on the verge of tears. You needed him to touch you and you needed him to do it now.

"Please what, Syulang? Use your words." He chuckled.

"Touch me. Please touch me."

With one last smirk he finally moved forward. His lips immediately finding their way to your clit, sucking and licking harshly. Throwing your head back with a moan your fingers tugged on his braids.

His tongue worked lower taking an exploratory dip into your entrance. Moaning at the taste he continued to eat you out like a starved man. Easily slipping a finger in his mouth went back to your bud.

Working a second finger in he continued to pump them, occasionally scissoring them in attempts to open you up. “So good Teyam.” You moaned at the stretch starting to feel pressure in the pit of your stomach.

Neteyam hummed against your heat satisfied with your little whimpers. They were like music to his ears. He wanted to hear you make them over and over again.

“Gonna cum for me?” He asked as he curled his fingers up inside you, nudging a spot that made your eyes roll. “Cum on my tongue love.”

His words were the last thing you needed to tip you over the edge. The coil in your stomach finally snapped your whole body tensing for a moment before relaxing. Pleasure coursed through you and for a moment you felt like you were floating.

Neteyam greedily lapped up your release not wasting a drop. He continued showing no signs of stopping until it became too much and you pushed his head away.

Sitting up he admired the view. Your eyes were hooded as they looked up at him. Still heavily panting you were a blissed out mess. He smirked knowing he was the one that made you this way.

His chin glistened with your release the sight turning you on more than you thought. Sucking his fingers clean he kept eye contact with you. “You taste so sweet.” Blushing at his words you looked away.

“Don’t believe me huh?” He questioned. Before you could respond his kissed you. Tasting yourself on his lips you moaned into the kiss. The taste was unfamiliar but not unpleasant.

You noticed that his loincloth was still on, his cock pressed against it. Reaching down you tried to remove it, he guided your hands helping you. Finally his cock was free slapping up against his stomach. Your mouth watered at the sight.

Wrapping your hand around the base you pumped him a few times, making sure to rub your thumb over the slit. His sucked in a breath practically hissing at your touch.

“No more.” He removed your hand. “I need to be inside you.” Leaning back on your elbows you smirked up at him. “Then what are you waiting for?” You asked.

Groaning he lined himself up with your entrance. “Are you sure?” He asked one final time wanting to make sure you wanted this as much as he did. “Yes Ma’Teyam.” You nodded.

Slowly he pushed into you. “Fuck.” He muttered as he bottomed out. Your velvety walls were practically sucking him in. You moaned at the stretch, hips slightly bucking trying to create some friction.

“Move please.” You whimpered. He immediately started thrusting pulling out until just the head was in and then slamming back up into you.

Thrusting up he hit that spot again making you clench around him. “So fucking tight.” He moaned. He didn’t know how much longer he could last with you gripping him like a vice. His fingers started to work at your bud.

Your head flung back your hands squeezing his shoulders. The familiar tight feeling in your stomach was forming once again. You knew you were close.

“Right there. Don’t stop.” You said breathlessly. He continued to rut his hips into you hitting your sweet spot each time. The sound of skin hitting skin mixed with the wet sloshing noises of your cunt was enough to drive Neteyam mad.

“You close?” He asked gently pinching your clit trying to get you off before his own release. “Gonna be a good mate and cum for me?”

“Yes!” You cried out. With one more thrust of his hips you felt your orgasm wash over you. Neteyam worked you through it chasing after his own release.

He stilled at he shot his load into you. The warm feeling of his seed filling you. Giving a few gentle thrusts he wanted to make sure it stayed in you. Pulling out the sight of his leaking cum mixed with yours was enough to almost make him hard again. Using his fingers he pushed some back up into you.

Neteyam laid down next to you pulling you into his chest. “You okay?” He checked in on you making sure he didn’t hurt you. “Mm, doing great.” You hummed. He chuckled and wiped you hair off your sweaty forehead.

“My beautiful mate. We are mated before Eywa for life.” He cooed. “You’re my mate. Mine.”

You giggled at his words. It was like he had to keep repeating it for it to fully register. “And you are mine Ma’Teyam.” You hummed.

Snugging you closer he kissed your forehead. “I love you Y/N.” Your heart swelled at his words. “I love you too Neteyam.”

You had seen so many glimpses of the future but you never in a million years expected this. A part of wished the Great Mother showed you this moment. It would’ve been something hopeful to cling onto when everything got too much. But you know you wouldn’t change anything. It was more than you could ever ask for, and besides sometimes not knowing what the future holds was ideal.

The two of you laid on the forest floor tangled in each other. Neteyam pulled you into his chest. Once in awhile he would gently squeeze you closer, as if he was making sure this was real. That you were really there with him. That you were his.

His thumb drew circles on your arm as his steady breath lulled you to sleep. For the first time in years you fell right into a peaceful sleep.

                                      ***

In the morning you walked into the village hand in hand with your mate. Knowing eyes and smiles were directed to the two of you. You blushed at the attention, slightly embarrassed.

Neteyam was anything but embarrassed. But was ready to announce that you were his mate to anyone who would listen. He was especially  eager to make it known to Ateyo.

His family smiled as you entered his home. They had been worried for his safety when he didn't return home last night, but Kiri was quick to inform everyone that you were the last person he was seen with.

Neytiri smiled beaming with pride that her son finally found a match. There was no denying that you two were made for each other.

"We have something to tell you." Neteyam started suddenly becoming a bit shy. "We are mated before Eywa." He smiled proudly.

"It's about damn time." Lo'ak snickered.

Neteyam rolled his eyes light shoving his brother. Neytiri pulled you into a warm hug. "Welcome to the family daughter." Your eyes glistened with tears at her words.

It finally hit you that after all these years you finally got your wish. You were a Sully now. Heart warming at the thought, this was your family now.

Jake congratulated you both while Tuk excitedly jumped up and down. She didn't understand what had happened but seeing everyone happy made her excited.

Kiri was last to come up to you. "My sister." She happily said before hugging you tight. "You've always been my sister, it's just official now." You chuckled.

Kiri stuck her tongue out pretending to gag. "Don't go into detail." She started, "I'd rather drink acid than hear about you and my brother."

Rolling your eyes you playfully shoved her. Leave it to Kiri to turn a heartwarming moment into something like this.

The whole day Neteyam did nothing but show you off. His grandmother looked at the two of you with knowing eyes and a smirk. You couldn't help but notice her look. You wondered if she knew what she was doing when she sent Ateyo to you. Mo'at nodded at you giving a glance of approval.

His hand never letting go of yours, he chatted all about the life you'd live together. He told you all about his plans for your future home. He was eager to show you that he could provide for you as your mate.

That night he gently caressed your face as he stared into your eyes. "Are you happy Ma'Y/N?" He softly asked.

You wanted to laugh at him for asking such a foolish question. Of course you were happy. The happiest you'd ever been in your entire life. "So so happy Ma'Teyam." You smiled.

He gave you a sweet sleepy smile before his eyes started to flutter closed. "Me too." He mumbled before falling asleep. Snuggling in closer to him you let sleep take you as well.

                                     ***

Smoke and fire consumed the forest. A thundering sound echoed through the air, the wind whipping harshly. The ground was littered with Na'vi warriors. Brothers fallen in battle. There were no arrows or other instruments of war that you knew. Their bodies instead were covered in small holes.

Blood was pooled everywhere, seeping back into the ground below. It was the most horrific sight you had ever seen.

You heard shouting and a loud unfamiliar noise. Looking up to the sky you saw a giant metal creature soaring through the air. The noise coming from it made you want to cover your ears.

You had seen something like this once. A few of the scientists that stayed on Pandora would sometimes use one. But this one was different. It had weapons-guns- attached to the sides. It continued firing even though there was no threat.

Looking back to the ground, robotic metal suits marched examining the bodies. Poking at them with their guns to confirm the kill. Inside of the suits were sky people.

Suddenly your home looked like it did during the war with the sky people - only this time it was worse. It was new. This had yet to happen.

                                     ***

Thrashing in your sleep you woke your mate. Neteyam's fight or flight response immediately kicked in and he was ready to fight. Eyes wondering the room he didn't see a threat. Instead he saw you sobbing in your sleep.

His heart clenched at the sight. As softly as he could he tried to wake you. "Ma'Y/N." He gently cooed. "Wake up."

You started screaming in your sleep until it woke you up. Neteyam's heart broke at the sight of you. Your eyes bloodshot, tears streaming down your face. You were shaking still terrified from what you saw.

"What was it my love?" He asking cupping your face.

"The sky people are returning." You said through sobs

•••

This was probably terrible I’m gonna go crawl in a hole and die now 🥲

[coolbanana44]

Picture Perfect Ch. 1 - C.L

AN: Hi guys this is chapter one of a series I am starting. I've always wanted to do this and I wanted it to be perfect so thats why it took awhile. Expect another chapter at the end of the week as I am starting to write it as we speak. If you enjoyed the first chapter please like it and even reach out as it is very motivating for me to see that you guys enjoy my writing! Love you guys!

Summary: This is a story of Y/N, Ferrari's new photographer. As the season goes on it seems like she is more than that to a certain driver.

I was never known for being an overly extroverted and social person. I was the type of person who never was seen and I was okay with that. I liked being in the background, observing people and trying to read them. That’s why I loved being a photographer. My face covered by the camera and taking pictures of everything around me. It started out when I got a polaroid one Christmas. I remember running around taking pictures of my family and seeing the photos develop and come alive. I liked looking at their expressions, some smiling and some annoyed with a little girl stuffing a camera in their face. I realized a picture can capture a small look into people's emotions, what they are thinking in the moment and from then on I was hooked.  

And now I am here, in Bahrain. When I applied for the job as a photographer for Ferrari I never thought I would actually get it. It was a dare from my friend Lindsey. She knew how much I loved Formula One and always dreamed of taking pictures of the cars and drivers. But she also knew I was scared of taking a leap of faith. So she said if I applied and got the job she would ask the barista she has a crush on out on a date.

 Stepping into the paddock I was overwhelmed. So many people, people I have only seen on TV before. I was somewhat excited as this was my dream, but nervous of screwing this up. As I was about to move I heard a voice from behind me. 

“Y/N?” I turned around to see a middle-aged man. Decked out in Ferrari gear and a camera adorned around his neck. 

“Hi I’m Amelio, I was told to give you a tour around and show you the ropes.” I just smiled and nodded my head. 

As we were walking around he started talking about the job and the expectations. I tried paying attention, but when you see Toto Wolf on a scooter your mind starts to focus on that. We soon made it to the Ferrari motorhome and as we were about to step inside, Amelio looked at his phone.

“Uhh I have to go, I promise I will be right back, it won’t take me more than five minutes!” And before I could say anything he walked away. 

Great, now I am all alone. I started fiddling with the camera, adjusting the settings and taking a couple of practice pictures of the building in front of me to make sure everything looks right. 

“Excuse me?” I jumped at the voice beside me. I turn to see the most beautiful man I have ever seen. Jawline chiseled by the greek gods, mesmerizing sea green eyes, tanned flawless skin. I haven’t been living under a rock so I know that this man is Charles Leclerc and before my brain can process that information, he reaches out and touches my shoulder. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to scare you.” He looked at me all concerned. 

“Oh no don’t worry about it.” I said calmly (which surprised me). He takes his hand off my shoulder and holds out his hand for me to shake, I smile and gladly accept. 

“I’m Charles.” He laughed, probably seeing how in awe I am in.

“Y/N.” I snap out of it. He drops his hand and for some reason I find myself craving more of his touch. 

“Are you the new photographer? I haven’t seen you before and I would sure remember a pretty face like yours.” The blush on my cheeks must be evident because he smirks at my reaction. 

“Yea I am. Amelio was about to give me a tour around the motorhome but he had to go somewhere.” I have never had someone compliment me before, so I am amazed with my confidence in being able to hold eye contact or even speak.

“I can give you a tour if you like?” He gives me a charming smile. I am hesitant to say sure because I don’t know if my heart can take being next to this man for another minute. But at the same time Charles' presence is intoxicating so I let out a breath and say sure. 

He leads me through the motorhome telling me which rooms are for what, introducing me to some of the engineers and mechanics. He even started asking me questions like where are you from? What made me want to become a photographer? Just random things. At first I kept my answers short but he was comfortable to be around and I let my guard down. At times like now Charles' hand would occasionally brush past my waist as we were so close and I would get distracted by his warm touch, and I would start fantasizing what his hands would feel like around me…. 

“Y/N? You okay?” That instantly snapped me back to reality.

“Uhhhh.. Yea… sorry I kinda spaced out a bit.” I looked down trying to hide the heat rising to my cheeks. He chuckles at my shyness. 

“Do you think you will be okay by yourself? I have to meet with the engineers and then I have to focus on the race.” I couldn’t help but feel disappointed. He was easy to talk to (and easy on the eyes), he was comforting. If he saw me starting to get overwhelmed he would redirect our conversation and I was grateful for that. I simply just gave him a nod. 

“Thank you for the tour. I enjoyed it.” I turn to fully look at him. That's when I realized how close we were. Only a couple of inches apart due to the confined space. So close that I could feel his breath on my cheek. He seemed to realize our position too as he grew red. His blushing caused me to have a pit in my stomach, a good kind. 

“Hey um.. After the race a couple of the drivers were talking about going to the club for the start of the season. You are more than welcome to come.” Normally I would say no. I was never the kind of girl to go out and get sweaty and drunk with strangers, but Charles was the one asking me and I wanted to spend more time with him. 

“Sure.” He looked taken back by my response, probably expecting me to say no. 

“Great! It's the rock bar club and we are going to be there at nine. I can drive you if you like.” I couldn’t help but have my eyes go wide. 

“No… no it's okay.” I said a little too quickly. It’s not like I don’t want him to drive me, I just let my mind spiral. Like what if someone got a photo of us in the car? I don’t want people to start to notice me and then have to deal with the aftermath. But the look on his face when I turned his offer down was making me rethink my decision. 

“Oh..okay. Well I’ll see you later then. It was nice meeting you Y/N.” The look of disappointment turned into a warm smile. And then he was off and I was stuck there thinking about what I have gotten myself into.  

[multicolour-ink]

Okay, so I know the thought of Mario and Luigi having twin sense is essentially a shit of free serotonin straight to the brain, but consider:

They don't KNOW they have the Twin Sense until someone explains it to them, and upon looking back at their own history of all the times it happened, they have a serious Brother Feelings moment, realizing it means they've always had the other with them all this time, even when they were separated.

I'm not a twin myself so I can't speak on behalf of anyone who is, but I imagine with the Mario Bros - given how close they are - they always knew they have this twin sense.

Neither can ever describe to anyone else what it is or how it works, but to them, it's a feeling. A bond that is all the more precious and special because it belongs to just the both of them. They share this connection, and no one else can take it away from them.

some headcanons I have for this bond

I'm imagining scenarios where they can feel that the other is is danger, or just a sense of dread; like when they are kids in school and Mario just feels something is wrong, and sure enough, when he goes to look for Luigi, he finds his brother being picked on by bullies.

Or even during the events of the movie; Mario strangely feels hot, even though he's not anywhere near fire. And later on Luigi feels like he's suddenly been smacked in the face, even though he's been sitting in a cage.

These aren't intense feelings mind - more like looking in a distorted mirror - an observation than a full on experience.

I also headcanon that they can feel each other's emotions (joy, anger, sadness etc), but only under intense or very close situations.

And we mustn't forget what was described in Yoshi's Island!

"The bond between the twins informs each of them where the other one is"

It's never been confirmed if the Bros still have this ability in adulthood - but I headcanon that it's less prominent than when they were babies, simply because they are adults, and can look after themselves until they can reunite again. But I imagine they can do it if they focus and reach out to each other with their bond.

I've read fanfics in which a villain (mostly King Boo) finds out about their bond and proceeds to use dark magic to torture one of the twins, and in turn, the other feels it!

This does make me headcanon that if someone with truly dark magic was able to hurt souls, then it's gotta be 10x worse for the Bros because theirs are connected! Not only can they feel the other's pain, but it also sickens them, because someone has touched something so deep, so private, and so personal to the both of them. It would leave them so emotionally exhausted and broken because it hurts so bad. They might be left wanting to vomit.

I also added a bit into my own fic of them soul connecting, not just because it was integral to the story, but I also wanted to explore the idea a bit: imagine if you could soul bond with someone who you knew and loved your entire life. What would you see? How would the experience go?

Given that souls, hearts, and bonds do play a part in the Mario franchise, I figured it was perfect to try and figure out!

The Bros would not be scared at all, I imagine. Why would they? They trust each other more than anything. Why wouldn't they be more than comfortable having the chance to link on a spiritual level?

I know this is quite a mish mash of headcanons and canon itself, but it's interesting to share and contribute ideas!

[zepskies]

hi zep!! i hope your day is going well 😊 i wanted to ask and see if you could give some tips for writing Dean (more specifically in the Midnight Expresso verse), i love that series and i need serious tips on how to capture Dean 🙏

Hey there lovely Becca!! I'm doing great. I hope you are too! 🥰

Aww, thank you so very much for reading the Midnight Espresso verse!! That series is very personal and special to me. (I actually have yet another story rattling around in my head for it.)

However, my approach to writing Dean Winchester remains the same across the board, whether it's the Espresso-verse or regular canon. It's just a matter of how he'll react in certain situations based on his personality. I try to keep a few points in mind:

Dean is gruff, but he's still playful.

He can be cocky and teasing, especially when he has a partner he can be comfortably himself with (my own headcanon). I think he'd often be teasing, in that insufferable, endearing way of his. 😏

But if he's grumpy and serious, which he can also be at times, then I've had a lot of fun with making the reader tease him out of it, being warm and playful until he cracks. 😂

I did this recently in "A Little Danger." (Beware minors, there be smut.)

Dean is naturally a giver.

I think we can all agree on this. And in particular for the Espresso-verse, that reader is a giver as well. I wanted to match Dean with someone who dotes on him, takes care of him the same way he takes care of others, like Sam.

Dean's not used to being the one who's taken care of, which can either cause some friction, or take him by surprise in a good way, followed by intense gratefulness.

He's got a gruff exterior (another aspect of his personality I love), but he has a soft interior when it comes to the ones he loves. 💓

He wants to make sure "they're okay." Whether that means making them a home-cooked meal when they have the time for it in the bunker, or being a generous lover.

Dean is a protector.

He can be physically protective, even when he knows you can protect yourself. Not in a misogynistic way. That's just who he is. He protects Sam the same way, even though he's a complete and utter badass, just like Dean.

But something I touch on in the Espresso-verse is my own headcanon -- that Dean is also emotionally protective of his partner.

He cares about how she sees herself when her ex brings up trauma from her past. (The story is called Show Me.) Dean cares about how comfortable she is with him, and if she's falling into bad mental habits of the past. 💞

Just as she's one to be his emotional safety net, he provides the same comfort, safety, and security for her.

Dean doesn't see himself as worthy.

This is also a common trait of Dean's that many of us explore as writers. In general, he can be self-deprecating and less than positive about his own self-worth.

In fairness, he's done some messed up shit that's taken him to as close to "monstrous" as you can get, but he's always been able to bring himself back to as much of what makes him human as he can (with Sam's help).

In the Espresso-verse, she's helped him curb this idea -- that "he's not good for her." That she's crazy to stay with him, especially with all the shit he and Sam get dragged into. He's scared of one day being the reason she gets hurt.

And yet, this is part of what makes Dean a good man.

Thank you for your question! If you want any additional headcanons/tidbits on Dean, just let me know. I love these kinds of questions. 💕

[modelbus]

HIII i love ur writing so much it makes me giggle and kick my feet so srs rn but could u maybe write ranboo x m!reader where the read has the same eye condition as dark days and they go GHOST HUNTING and its DARKER THAN EXPECTED and the reader is just clinging to ranboo and they just think that the reader is scared when he actually just CANT SEE LOL just fluffy.pls…..,..,.. thank u!!

You’ve just given me the highest compliment ever, I strive to make people giggle and kick their feet :D Check out Dark Days first to know what eye condition this is about!

Pairing: CC!Ranboo x Male!Reader

Goddammit Ghosts

Ghost hunting was meant to be fun. It had always been on your bucket list as something you wanted to do, so of course you jumped at the chance to partake in it! Especially as it was for one of Ranboo's videos that probably wouldn't even be posted until next year.

The two of you had carefully planned every detail of your ghost-hunting session. With a little bit of bribery—Ranboo was so fucking rich—Ranboo managed to get an old "haunted" warehouse for the night. That left you in charge of the supplies: flashlights, an EMF reader, something called a spirit box, and a temperature reader. Only the best for what should've been the time of your life.

Upon arrival though, you quickly realized it might not be as fun as you thought. For starters, it was pitch fucking black. You couldn't see a thing! And secondly, maybe you didn't completely think about how scary it would be.

"Right, so you have to explain what these things do for the audience," Ranboo says, their flashlight already on.

"Why me? Why can't you?" You ask.

"You bought them!"

"Right." Grabbing the first object, you hold it up. "This is an EMF reader, apparently it detects the strength of electromagnetic fields. Fuck if I know what that means. This one is a spirit box. I'm pretty sure it flicks through different radio stations and outputs white noise that might become words. If you don't know what flashlights and temperature readers are then you're just a fucking dumbass and I can't help you."

Your remark makes Ranboo laugh, eyes crinkling.

"Are you ready?" He asks, flicking on his flashlight.

Yours is already on, but you take a small step closer to him. Beyond the ring of the two flashlights, you can't see anything. The moon wasn't helpful in the slightest.

"I'm afraid of nothing ever."

Ranboo laughs and starts walking forward, making you hurry to keep close to him.

You probably agreed to go to the worst spot possible. Although they did tours here, the floors were an absolute mess. Your feet kept stepping on things you couldn't see, meaning it was a complete mystery what you were stepping on.

"I'm reading to start some drama with a ghost!" Ranboo yells. "Here ghosty ghosty!" "Ghosty ghosty?" You mock. "Yeah! Maybe they'll find my use of nicknames charming and decide to talk to us!"

"That's either the stupidest thing I've ever heard or absolutely brilliant. I'm leaning towards stupid."

"Hey!"

Holding up the EMF reader, you check to see what the level is. Barely anything, meaning no ghosts and no light. There go your hopes and dreams of sight.

Ranboo abruptly turns away, making you scramble to reach out and grab their arm. They laugh as you nearly trip, making you scowl in the vague direction of their body.

"Are you scared?" He teases.

"No!" You protest.

"You're totally scared!"

"I am not!"

Despite how he's teasing you, you grip tighter onto his arm. There's no way you're letting go of your only hope of not running into a wall. Ranboo keeps walking, making you walk along with him.

"Do you have a destination in mind?"

"Yeah, the guy who does the tours told me this room was the most haunted. Apparently people get, like, cold and feel like someone's watching them."

They keep walking until they suddenly stop, nearly making you fall. You're probably in the haunted room. Not being able to see while in a haunted room really isn't great for your sanity.

“It’s cold,” Ranboo announces, holding up the temperature reader. “Because it’s night or because there are ghosts, we might never know.”

“My money is on because it’s night.”

“But ghosts are way cooler. Let’s talk to them!”

“What?!”

Instead of stepping forward or back, Ranboo starts to sit. Your choice is to either sit with him or let go of his arm. You pick the former, sitting close enough that your shoulders and legs are touching.

“Are you- are you okay with trying to talk to some ghosts?” Ranboo asks.

“Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be? I mean, that’s why we’re here.”

“You seem… I dunno, you’re just acting a little weird.”

“I’m not!” You protest.

“It’s fine if you’re scared! Ghost hunting isn’t for everyone!”

“I’m not scared! Let’s just talk to these ghosts.”

Although you had mentioned your eye condition in passing once or twice, you never had a reason to fully explain that you couldn’t see anything when it was dark. Ranboo must be assuming the reason you’re clinging to him is because you’re scared of ghosts.

And you’re definitely not about to tell him otherwise. That shit’s embarrassing.

“Okay. Uh. Hi, ghosts.” Ranboo awkwardly starts.

“Hi ghosts!” You echo.

“Okay, wait, I know what to do. If anyone would like to talk to us, make a noise. Or move something in the room. Maybe that wood thing.”

You sweep your flashlight over the room to see what wood Ranboo’s talking about, careful to scan every inch as to not miss it. It’s in the far corner off to your left, closer to Ranboo than you.

It doesn’t move, and the only noise is from faint whispers of wind.

“Maybe we should turn off our lights?” Ranboo suggests, clicking off their light.

After a moment of hesitation, you also turn off your flashlight, relinquishing what little sight you had.

“Make a noise or move something please, ghost!” Ranboo calls out.

Again, nothing.

“Well now what?” You ask.

“We can explore. There are other haunted rooms, right? It’s a whole warehouse!”

He stands up, and you somehow manage to keep your balance.

“Let’s explore without lights for the full effect.” He suggests.

Well, fuck. No lights mean you can’t see anything but having your flashlight would make you seem like a pussy. It was a lose-lose situation.

Whatever. You could totally explore with no lights! You’ve got this.

“Okay.” You agree, standing up with him.

Nearly immediately you almost run into Ranboo because you’re turned in the wrong direction, but you manage to cling to his arm and stop yourself last second. He seems to understand you’re struggling because he lays his hand over yours briefly.

”You good?” Ranboo laughs a little.

“Yeah.” You lie. “Perfect. Let’s go explore!”

Of course, as fate would have it, you trip three minutes later. Stumbling into him and dropping your flashlight, he practically saves you from a bloody nose by catching you.

“Woah!” They exclaim. “Seriously, what’s going on?”

“I, um. I kind of can’t see?”

“What do you- ohh.” With your confession Ranboo seems to remember the singular time you told him about your eye condition, making heat rush to your cheeks.

“Yeah.” You give an awkward laugh.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” Ranboo asks.

He still hasn’t stopped supporting your weight, one arm around you and the other allowing him to loosely grip your arm. You’ve tilted your head in the vague direction of his face, one of your hands holding onto his arm.

“I thought it would be fine.”

“You know you can tell me anything, right? I wouldn’t make fun of you or anything. I want you to be able to have a good time too.”

His voice is soft, and you can tell he fully means it. It’s enough to wet your eyes, even though you knew he wouldn’t make fun of you.

“I know.” You assure them.

“Okay. Do you want to stay here? Or come with me? I’m going to turn on the lights.”

“But that’ll ruin the whole ghost hunting thing.”

“No it won’t. We’re alone in a huge warehouse, that’s creepy enough. Maybe the ghosts prefer lights anyway.”

“I’ll stay here so I don’t try and break my nose again.” You joke.

“Okay, I’ll be right back. Don’t move!”

He makes sure you’re stable before stepping away from you, turning on his flashlight, and running off into the darkness. After a minute the lights flick on, finally allowing you to see.

Ranboo appears soon after that when you’re picking up the flashlight and EMF reader you dropped.

“This better?” He asks.

“A lot. Thank you.”

“Of course. Now we can both have some actual fun!”

[writingwithina]

Reading makes the heart grow fonder

Author's note: I'm back with another story. Hope you guys like it. Reblogs are always appreciated and my inbox is always open if you wanna pop in and talk! Happy reading ❤

Content: Fluff. Few mentions of parental neglect and trauma in the beginning.

If there's one thing Y/n was sure of, it was that fictional characters can never hurt her in the way  real people did. Growing up in an abusive household she witnessed every terrible thing, heard every heart shattering word being said to her mother. She could not believe that the person who promised her mother a love for eternity and beyond could hurt her in such a way. So Y/n decided that she would never look for love and if it found her somehow, she would run away from it as far as possible. So far she has been lucky. Her college life consisted of some meaningless one night stands or a friends with benefits relationship that she always broke as the relationship hit the one month mark. Looking at her friends being in relationships that were founded on love and trust made her long for a similar connection but then she would remind herself that such happily ever afters existed only in books and movies and not real life. So she turned to books for comfort. If she was not found at her job or her home, she would be at the Rêveries on the 24 Boulevard du Jardin Exotique, Monaco. That little bookshop was her safe place. She could lose herself reading the plethora of books, forgetting the expectations people had from her. 

It was early Saturday morning and Y/n found herself browsing through the psychological thrillers shelf when someone bumped into her and hit her head. She was about to give the person a piece of her mind when he started apologising profusely. 

" Aye, I'm so so sorry. I wasn't looking where I was going and I just needed to escape from the people outside and so ran inside the first place I found and I ran into you and I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it. " 

His cheeks were pink and his eyes widened a bit from horror. He looked like a scared yet cute puppy, Y/n noticed. She just shook her head and let out a simple, " It's okay, it's fine. " 

"I'm Charles by the way" 

"Y/n" 

"Lovely name for a pretty girl. " 

Charles was entranced by the beauty of the person in front of him. Even with her brows furrowed as she stared at him in disbelief, she was pretty, infuriatingly so. He hoped he would be able to get her number. But then he realised he probably ruined his chances by being a blubbering mess. Still he thought he would give it a try. 

" So can I make it up to you by taking you out for a cup of coffee? " He asked her, desperately praying she would say yes. 

Y/n shook her head, " Uh, no , that won't be necessary. I'm fine. " 

Charles was disappointed. He was looking for a way to keep the conversation flowing when he noticed the book in her hand. 

" Is that " The Guest List" by Lucy Foley? " 

" Yeah….I've been meaning to read a psychological thriller and my friend recommended this. " 

" I've read it and it doesn't disappoint. You should definitely give it a try. " 

" You like reading? " 

" Yeah! It just gives me an escape from everything you know? Like I can forget about racing, PR events and every other thing" 

"Racing? " Charles didn't miss the adorable way her face scrunched and a slight pout appeared on her lips as she asked him about his profession. 

" I'm a Formula 1 driver. You like to watch? " 

" Uh, I have never watched it before, I'm sorry. " 

" There's nothing to be sorry about. If you want, I can explain it to you. " There was an excited glint in his eyes. He was hoping she would say yes so he could talk to her a little more. It didn't matter if he only got a few more seconds with her, he just didn't want the meeting to end. 

" I'm sorry but I gotta go. I've a meeting to prepare for . It was lovely talking to you Charles. " 

With that she left. Charles was a bit sad. No he waa extremely sad but convinced himself that he would meet her again and this time, he'll get her number. 

A month passed before they saw each other again. They met at the same place. Again Charles asked her out and again she refused. This happened three more times before she finally agreed to going on a date with him. To say Charles was overjoyed would be an understatement. He meticulously planned their first date. They went stargazing. Under the night sky, illuminated by the stars, Charles kissed her for the first time but it wouldn't be the last time he did. It was as if all of Y/n's fears vanished from that kiss. She was scared of entering into a relationship but a part of her knew Charles would take care of her heart, that he would never do anything to hurt her and that she would always be safe with him. She took the decision to let go of her fears just this once and allowed herself to fall for Charles. 

They've been together for three years. They've fought like any couple does but their love was stronger than all of the problems they were made to face. Charles knew she was the one he wanted to spend his life with, the one he wanted to be the mother of his children. He wanted to grow old with her and he wanted the honour of calling her his wife. 

He had been trying to plan the perfect proposal for months. He wanted it to be special, he wanted it to be something she will cherish for the rest of her life. He was passing through the streets of Monaco when he came across the bookstore where they had met for the first time. He knew at that moment that this was where he was gonna propose to his love

It was Sunday morning and Y/n was dragged out of the bed and was instructed to get ready for a bookstore date. Y/n was thrilled. It had been way too long since they had gone on a bookstore date. 

As they reached the bookstore, Y/n immediately thought of the first time she had met Charles.  She is glad she decided to give him a chance. She couldn't think of her life without him anymore. 

As they entered the store, Charles handed a piece of paper to her. 

" Is this a scavenger hunt? " Y/n asked curiously. If there's one thing she loved more than Charles, it was a good challenge. 

"Sort of.  The first number is the book shelf . Second is the row number . Third is the book number..  Each book has one sticky note in it.  You need to collect all the notes and piece them together. "

Y/n did exactly that. The clues led her to various books, from crime fiction to a cooking book to a love story about a painter and his muse. 

Y/n had collected all the notes. As she tried piecing the words together, she realised they spelt, " WILL YOU MARRY ME? " She turned to Charles but he wasn't there. He was on his knees with a delicate ring in his trembling hands. 

" I had something written but I can't find it anymore. I-" 

Charles was abruptly cut off by Y/n. She threw herself at him and they both landed on the ground with a thud. 

"Y/n"

" You really wanna marry me? " 

"Yeah. You're the best thing in my life mon trésor. I want everything with you. The good, the bad and everything in between. "

" More than your championship winning trophy? "

" More than that. So what is your answer? You wanna marry me? " 

" Yes! A hundred times yes. " 

Charles slid the ring on her finger and kissed her softly. They both knew that there was no place they would rather be. They were ready to start their forever. 

[renaultphile]

More Jane Eyre/The Charioteer parallels!

@nurseadriansbrother Your Jane Eyre post!  I love it! I've linked to it here.

I had completely forgotten what a wild imagination young Jane has, no wonder all the adults were a little terrified of her (as Ralph is of Laurie!)  I mean that little paragraph of her in bed getting scared so echoes the start of chapter one in TC.  My favourite bit is where Mary says ‘he made the emergency known at once’ (ie that he couldn’t sleep (!)

I’m so glad you said that thing about Rochester being brought low so that they can come together.  That’s always been in my mind as Charlotte Bronte’s ‘solution’ but I thought it sounded a bit over-dramatic, but I do think she feels she has to practically blind and maim him first!!  Very strange, and I suppose there is definitely a parallel with the ending of TC although I always worry about Ralph being brought low because I wonder if he can really accept Laurie taking care of him.  Although I do believe that’s the only way it could work.  Or some kind of equality at least.  And Rochester has the thing about wanting Jane to be honest, I had forgotten about him using that word ‘master’, Wow!  It makes me worry if Laurie is just lying to Ralph to make him feel better, he’s going to have to be so careful about that.  He seems to struggle so hard with confrontation.

God, I had completely forgotten the references to suicide in Jane Eyre.  She is so steadfast.  I remember to this day my English teacher explaining to us callow teenagers in words of one syllable what the societal dangers were of Jane becoming Rochester’s mistress.

Jane’s internal monologue is so interesting, yes, she struggles so hard to be fair and reasonable, and trying to take on Helen’s virtues the way Laurie tries to do with Andrew – that bit after the Bunny car scene where he thinks what would Andrew say…….That’s funny though because when I was looking into Ralph’s childhood and wondering how strict his ‘Christian home’ was, and then I re-read that bit in the ‘break-up’ scene where Laurie says he is like someone suffering for a cause, I immediately thought ‘martyr’ and I haven’t been able to un-see it!  Helen Burns!  And all those horrible books about Saints getting tortured Jane used to read….

And Jeepers – what’s interesting is that Mr Brocklehurst presents his hypocrisy as very pragmatic, and in a way I think that’s Jepson’s excuse too.  I always think of Straike’s reference to Jepson’s hypochronia!

OK and finally – gothic horror!!  You read my mind!  One of my little theories about Ralph is that he is always saying ‘Don’t worry’ to Laurie and although that sounds like kindness, I always feel there is a little wind-up element to it, as in, ‘I wasn’t worrying, why do you think I would be?’ and I have this feeling of Ralph’s power kick (I’m sure entirely unconsciously) being to slightly frighten people and then be all nice and comforting.  Sorry, have I just gone off the deep end or does that make sense?

[aidansplaguewind]

curious why you don’t like bdsm? i want to change my mind

First, this is going to be long.

That's kind of an odd question because the way you ask it is as though it's something literally everyone is into. Like saying, "I'm curious why you don't like sex."

It just doesn't do anything for me. It doesn't turn me on. It doesn't make horny. And, I try not to kink shame here so keep in mind you DID ask why I don't like it. As in ME, personally. And when someone asks, I tell the truth and the whole truth.

It's always seemed a little ridiculous and silly to me. I mean, I do like to draw out orgasms as long as possible/orgasm denial to a point, which is one particular thing that can sometimes be considered BDSM but I don't know why because to me that DOES seem like something everyone should do. The longer the delay, the more powerful it is. I don't like quick orgams. I mean, I don't DISLIKE them, they're ok, but good God are they nowhere close to what they can be if you delay them. I don't know why anyone would wanna settle for that when they could have so much MORE! It's one of the reasons I prefer my own fingers or non vibrating toys to vibrating toys. Because they make you cum too fast and it's not as strong.

I don't get why people DO like BDSM. For one, I have a big issue with being tied up and shit. I was abused as a kid and I've yet to meet anyone I trust enough to let them have that control over me. Cuz who knows what they'd do, right? And I wouldn't be able to stop them. And if you reverse it to where I was in charge....nah. I'm cool with my guy being on the bottom and letting me lead in that sense of submissiveness but I'm just not terribly turned on by completely dominating a man. It's just not my thing.

And just the terminology, Dom and sub...just no. I know cringe is a fading word now but that shit legitimately makes me cringe. It sounds so fucking corny.

I have no desire to engage in a kind of sex where a possible handbook or contract may be needed. Where guidelines have to be set, where there is a list of rules. It feels so unsexy, unromantic and unreal. Not spontaneous at all.

I'm sure you've figured out by now that I am NOT a fan of Fifty Shades of Grey. And, while I'm sure not everyone who engages in BDSM signs a contract, if you're doing it safely to protect both parties then there are usually always rules. Because people can actually get hurt engaging in bdsm.

And that's another thing, I don’t get any satisfaction out of causing people pain. Nor do I get any from pain. My life has been painful enough on its own. I want my sex to be fucking pure pleasure. Mind blowing pleasure.

And to be honest with you, there is nothing you or anyone can say to convince me that a Dom male can be trusted and is someone who doesn't enjoy harming others. NOTHING you can say. Met too many men in my life. I don’t want a man like that. Men that like having that much control are gross. Period. They can't be trusted. Controlling men are a huge turn off for me. Fucking HUGE turn off.

Personally, I feel like anyone who NEEDS that much control, male or female, has some much deeper issues at play.

For people out there that think sex is always boring without BDSM, then you haven’t had good sex yet my friend. Sex can still be plenty kinky, nasty, and all that without bdsm.

But the simplest answer to your question is that nothing about BDSM makes me wet, so why WOULD I like it?

What I'd like to know, is out of all the people on Tumblr who say they're into it, how many have actually participated in it outside of reading fanfic about it? And the reason I ask this is that, something in fan fic might get you hot but the reality can be SO much different.

There are things I've read about Petyr doing in fanfic that have turned me on but if he tried doing that shit to me in reality it would scare the shit out of me. One thing in particular that I know many women get hot for but I won't say the word on here because I didn’t put a trigger warning.

So, if you haven’t ever actually done it, think about what I just said.

[txicrose]

Heavily dissociated rant, if it doesn't make sense that's why.

I feel like a stranger thrown into the life and body of someone you didn't know, just had a similar ish personality, who somehow managed to hold onto some of the strangers memories.

I know my friends and family, but I feel like I don't really have a relationship with them even though I know things about them. Like body swapping with a random stranger and not being able to tell anyone so you have to pretend to have relationships that you don't truly have.

I don't know who I am. I don't know what I look like. I don't know my name or pronouns. I don't know my gender or sexuality. I don't know my interests or anything. I don't know my aesthetic or fashion taste.

I've lost everything and I'm trying to be the same person they were before me, but I'm failing. We're not functioning at all. We're not present anymore, always dissociating. We remember nothing. We're losing more and more of our self.

I literally can't remember anything. I can't have a connection with anything. I remember nothing, I feel nothing. We also feel too much, but only ever distressing emotions. I don't know the last time anyone was happy.

The emotions are distressing and scary and overwhelming yet so barely there. About anything from being disabled, to being dissociated, to having arfid, feeling hopeless and without a meaning, to being so everything right now that I'm a horrible partner. Constant, daily distress over something, while feeling nothing about the distressing thing.

We want to get better, be better people, take better care of ourself. But we can't even be grounded enough to be able to do the work. We are too dissociated to even pay attention to what we need to work on. We don't take care of our disabled body because we're not there/in it. We're not getting better. We're only getting worse.

I've showered once in the past 3 or so weeks. The only time we changed our clothes was when we worked. We literally swapped between TWO outfits for 3 weeks. We had barely put deodorant on in that period. We went swimming and didn't wash our hair until a week later. I don't think we're eating enough, I don't know what we've been eating but I can't be surprised if it's nowhere near enough.

All we do is work 2-3 days a week, dissociate in bed, and go to appointments that I'm not even mentally present for. We can't even think. It's literally painful trying to write this because we're so dissociated we can't think or even see the keyboard and what we're writing. We can't follow what we're trying to say.

We have no fucking friends. Like at all. We have our boyfriend/partner system, who lives with us but works 5 days a week. We don't have time to talk or do things together. I have our mother ig but not really. We can't talk about 99% of this and we only talk in general when we going to/from work together and pick my boyfriend up from work. I could never tell her any of this.

It's been almost two weeks since we've seen our therapist and we still have a little over a week before we see him again. He doesn't even know all of this. He doesn't know pretty much anything about my life or brain. We're currently working on dbt skills but I can’t even function enough to do mindfulness homework once a day. And it's mainly my fault he doesn't know shit because I never talk about anything but I might just get him to read this.

We don't know what to do anymore and we're so fucking alone. We need fucking help. We can't live like this. We'd probably be terrified if we could feel anything. Part of us is scared. Something needs to change. Whether that's someone else in the brain stepping in and taking over, or someone in the outside world doing something. We don't even know where we need to start. I need a break and I'm so tempted to use one of the littles positive trigger shows to get one. Fuck. Life sucks.

[yourantag]

From Winter to Spring

AN: This fic is actually pretty different from my other ones since this is intended to be more like a letter. I listened to a song called "Magic Lily," which inspired me to write something in the perspective of Ithaqua's mother. The song is meant to be romantic, but I interpreted it as a mother waiting for their son to come back from war. Naturally, with themes of winter and suffering, I think Ithaqua, so here we are. Word count: 1.6 words Summary: A carefully written letter, multiple pages long, is stuffed inside an envelope. It doesn't seem like it was ever meant to meet its recipient, yet it resides within his hands. The delicate papers seems to weigh heavy with the love of a mother.

My dearest dove, 

It has been a long time since I've last seen your face. It's like it was just yesterday that we went to forage together. You had looked at me with such pride in your eyes, having picked two whole baskets of barberries. We had planned to turn them into jam with honey, a small luxury. You had smiled so brilliantly, so happily at that. To be able to make you happy like that made me feel whole, complete. The fondness I felt overwhelmed me, it almost made me want to cry.

I had never understood when other women spoke fondly of their children. They sacrificed their bodies, health, mind, their everything for them. Yet, children will never completely understand that sacrifice. Oftentimes, they take it for granted. They forget it. But you? You made me understand.

It's odd to think of loving someone more than yourself, but that is exactly how I feel. The stars could disappear from the sky, the heavens and earth could collide, and yet, I think I would not mind for as long as you were alive.

So, tell me why, why would you do this to me? Why have you left me like this?

Once we came back, setting aside our foraged goods, I felt an impending sense of doom. My throat tightened, heart racing as I felt unadulterated fear roll through me. Perhaps it was an instinctual thing, like how many of life's creations can sense death. I could tell my demise was near, be it in one way or another.

You had looked at me with worried eyes, asking me what was wrong. You have always been a sweet child, caring and attentive and so, so very smart. No matter how much I tried to hide my feelings, you always seemed to know when something was wrong. I sometimes wish you weren't such an intelligent boy, but that would be cruel of me. I love you for who you are- to remove any part of you would mean taking away who you are now. I could never do that.

I had forced a smile to my face as I told you I forgot something in my room, something important. You didn't believe me, but you did not pry. Thank you for trusting me, even when you knew I was lying. I know it's horrible to lie to you, but I had to do what I did.

I had ran to my room, throwing aside a cloth to reveal a crystal ball. Divination is not my specialty; it was the specialty of my mother. However, I am still above the rest when it comes to reading fate. What I saw was exactly what I had anticipated, something I hadn't feared before. Now, however, I was. I was beyond scared- I was downright terrified.

Before, I had nothing. My mother had been killed in a witch hunt, my home had been razed, and my friends and fellow villagers had turned their backs on me. I was consumed by rage, sorrow, and despair. I had nothing to lose but my life, I had no one to love but myself. 

Still, I could not hate people. I was human as the rest, but I was shunned. I was hated for my hair, for being a woman, for existing. Still, I could only hope, I could only live. To die would be to give into their hate, to throw away my mother's sacrifice for me to live.

Thus, I lived. Out of spite, out of grief. I lived because of love, because my mother would want me to. And, on my travels, I found God. I found peace. Life seemed less like a punishment than it had before.

Then, I found you.

At one point, I had wished my mother hadn't sacrificed herself for me, I wished she had lived instead of me. However, I understand now. I understand why she did what she did. As a mother, you are willing to do anything for your child. Even if it means becoming a monster, even if it means killing someone, you would do whatever it takes to protect your child.

In that moment, watching the future in which not just I would die, but you as well, I made up my mind. 

I cannot lie and say I did not want to live. I wanted to watch you continue to grow, to become a lovely young gentleman. I wanted to watch you become an adult, to love, to live. I didn't want to miss any moment of your growth, of you becoming your own person. However, I was willing to give up everything if it meant you'd live.

I got a glimpse of my fate and I couldn't help but shutter. Tortured till my mind broke, till I was no longer human, till I was no longer me. That was my fate should I sacrifice myself. But, was it worse than if you were to be tortured with me? Killed with me?

No, nothing could be worse than that.

So, knowing what kind of fate awaited me, I stood tall and put on a brave face. We didn't have much time, after all.

I asked you to hide in the closet, the men already knocking on our door. They banged against the wood as though it owed them money. The sound was like the call of death, a scythe hovering over my neck. But what can a mother do? I could only smile through the thundering of my heartbeat, through the tears that were rising in my eyes, the tight compression of my chest.

I was scared.

For me? Maybe. Mostly, it was for you. If they found you, I don't know what I would do.

The door swings open and I meet a painfully familiar face, as well as many armored ones. His arrogance is unlike your humility, the way he smiles is so different from your own. It's like a bearing of fangs, like a predator that had found its prey. It's horrible, terrible, what he does with your face. Your brother he may be, if only in blood, but he could never compare to you.

His words are laced with malice and self-importance, his finger pointed at me. I had braced myself for when the armored men would drag me away, manhandle me as though I were a fugitive and not just a lady, a mother.

Then, you came out of hiding.

Looking at your back, so small yet wide, I truly wanted to fall to my knees and weep. Your arms spread out, shielding me, you had stood. 

Ah, is love meant to hurt like this? Be difficult like this? Or, perhaps, is it just me?

I couldn't believe my ears when I heard you bargain with them, begging them to take you instead of me, to leave me alone. Words were clogged in my throat as you spoke, everything you said hurting more than any wound I'd ever had.

He had a contemplative look, that child. Then, like a cruel judge, he gave his ruling. He gave into your will, even going so far as to promise he'd place me somewhere I'd never be hunted again.

I had wanted to cry. I had wanted to scream. However, when you had turned to me with a smile so kind, so sweet, so sad and knowing, not a single sound could escape my lips.

You promised to come back to me in spring, like the flowers that withered in fall. You held my hands even as tears fell from your eyes, even as I tried to hold you back with all my might.

Yet, it was not enough.

You were taken from me.

Why? Why did this have to happen? Why did we have to suffer like this? Was this retribution? Punishment? For not having followed God sooner? For living? For existing?

My anger towards that boy, towards God, and towards the world, none of it could compare to the anger I feel towards myself.

This arduous path which I had to take, covered in thorns and decorated with hate, why did you have to take it too?

Ultimately, I believe it is because of me.

(There's darkened circles upon the paper, some smearing the last few words.)

It's been 5 years since then. Every time the snow melts, ushering in the coming of spring, I wait with anticipation. I wait for the sound of footsteps, for the sounds of life.

I wait for you.

It has been 5 years of fluttering frost, blossoming flowers, sunny fields, and bountiful harvests. I've seen the seasons come and go, the birds leaving for winter before returning home. Yet, the most important bird of all, my dearest dove, has yet to return.

There's a special kind of sadness that comes with spring. It starts with joy, which turns to immeasurable sorrow. I always wait, yet you never come.

Are you alive? Are you well? I've been taken to a place where no one despises me, where everyone accepts me, yet I'd rather be pelted with stones than part from your side. I would give up everything if I could just see your face once more.

Is it just me? This spring feels a bit worse than the last. I hope without hope, though I know you won't come. Not knowing if you're alive or well, it drives me mad. My divination has failed me, not allowing me to see anything beyond the veil of reality.

But, I want to believe. I have to believe. You always keep your promises, so I must believe it, believe that you will come back to me. I must weather the seasons, the storms, the sun, the snow, all for the day you return.

Yet, I grow tired of waiting. My heart is heavy, and my soul is weary. My eyes are always full of tears, constantly worried about you to this day.

How many more springs must I wait?

My dear child.

My beloved son.

*****.

Please.

Please.

Come home.

[venjamin-kingdomhearts]

What are your thoughts on the idea of Namine restoring Ventus' memories of Union X? I've seen it a couple times and I don't think it'll happen but I think it could make some interesting fanfics. I also like it since it would mean Ventus and Namine would meet which I'd personally love to see.

OK so I've definitely talked about it a tiny bit in this post here (which someone drew some wonderful art for eheh), and a touch here BUT i ended up making a one-shot based off the idea here.

Hey so. Apologies that this took *checks calendar* 20 days but I kept getting distracted by drawing ideas. I AM here now though and want to thank you so much for you patience and the ASK i love talking abt stuff like this eheh.

Ok, in general I LOVE the idea. Though my biggest fear is that ACTUAL KH will have Naminé recover Ven’s memories offscreen, so I can’t say I want it to be canon just because the fear of like. Ven’s lost memories being magically recovered without any real payoff is just so real. Best case scenario is that it’s a separate plot where we see Ventus struggle with his recovered memories and worst case scenario is that it’s offscreen, so… I’m trying not to get my hopes up (and failing).

BUT onto the actual Nami and Ven interaction. As someone who loves them as friends and a ship there is so much potential here. You can boil it down to two major things though; how Ventus reacts to his recovered memories, and how Naminé feels about having to use her powers again. I feel like this idea allows for SO much angst for each character and a chance for them to connect on a deeper level.

Like, Naminé was made to use her powers to hurt Sora. She clearly carries a lot of guilt still, and I’ve seen SO many headcanons about her swearing to never use her memory powers again that it’s practically canon in my eyes. Of course, she eventually DOES have to use her powers when searching for Sora (as said in re:mind) , but I think she only looks through Xion and Roxas’ memories, no altering them. So, she’s sworn off altering memories, helping people remember and forget. She only searches through memories when she’s told, and of course, never wants to hurt anyone with her magic. Naminé is tired of being “the Witch”… and luckily, Ventus doesn’t see her as that. I’d like to imagine that they’re friends and get to know each other a little before the idea of using Naminé’s powers on Ventus is even a thought. Like, Ventus IS aware of Naminé’s powers from the beginning, but he’s only heard whispers of it, little facts. Nothing super major and concrete, just a general “memory magic is a thing Naminé does”. I think he does ask her a bit about it, but it’s silly questions. Questions no one’s ever asked Naminé, like, “do you ever use your magic to find your keys?” “do you remember everything you’ve ever read?” “oh, if you can control memories, can you read minds? quick, what number am i thinking!” Just silly little ‘can you’s and ‘what if’s. It makes Naminé laugh, because no one’s ever thought of her magic like that. As something that can be used for the mundane, for little situations where no one’s memories are at stake. I think eventually she would open up more to Ventus about her magic, because he sees it as something that’s not too scary.

Course, after a few deeper conversations, Ventus would be able to catch on to the darker parts of Naminé’s powers. He might even… think of how scary they could be. I don’t think he’d ever be scared of Naminé, but one day he might be sitting alone, thinking of what it’d be like to forget what he has right now. Wonder, for himself, how many of his own memories are really real, since he’s forgotten so much. He trusts Naminé. But he realizes how terrifying it would be, to have his memories altered.

But around this time, Ventus starts questioning a lot. His memories have always been muddled, and now that he remembers pieces of his life while he was Xehanort’s apprentice, before Vanitas came to be, Ventus has this lingering sense of “I don’t really know who I am or who I was, do I?” Then there’s Chirithy, who is proof Ventus had another life he left behind. Ventus begins to wonder what that life was like. Begins to question if the Ventus he is now is anything like the Ventus he was before. In a way, he views his lost memories as… a different person, almost. Ventus might even wonder if, with that line of thinking, he’s simply…someone else, pretending to be Ventus. The “replacement” of the original.

I think Ventus would be scared to confront that original self.

But he would have to, because of course there was something special about Ventus’ past life and it was something that could hint to what’s happening right now and where Sora is and who the Guardians of Light have to fight next. So when everyone looks to Ven for answers, Ventus looks to Naminé, and the process begins.

Ventus feels bad that she’s using her powers because of him. But Naminé smiles (it must be fake. It has to be fake, it doesn’t quite reach her eyes) and nods, knowing her magic is needed and everyone is counting on Ven who’s counting on her. But when they’re alone, away from prying eyes and the rest of the Guardians, when the lights are dim and Ventus’ smile fades, Naminé asks him if this is what he wants.

Ventus is a bad liar, but he’s got Sora’s stupid habit of insisting he’s fine. Unlike Sora, Ventus can’t keep smiling and he’s WAY less convincing. So no matter how many times he denies that he’s scared, Naminé whispers:

“I know you’re scared, but it’s not a bother, Ventus. I’ve done this before, you’ll be fine. As soon as I find those Chains, I’ll reconnect them, and then-“

“But what about you?” Ventus interrupts. “I don’t- don’t want to force you to do this.”

They’re both scared. Really scared. And I think they’d realize it then, that Ventus is secretly scared of losing himself to his memories, and Naminé is secretly scared of messing up. They don’t want to go through with this-

“But we have to. For Sora.”

Ventus takes a breath.

“If- if my memories can show us any hints for what we have to do to find him, I-I think we need to do this. But-“

“You’re still scared.” Naminé looks Ven in the eyes.

Ventus swallows. He nods.

“And so are you.”

They leave it at that. Mutual recognition that they’re both scared of what will happen next, but that this is something they must do. They are in this together, and they trust each other enough to acknowledge they are afraid.

Eventually, Naminé has to search through Ventus’ memories. Alter the Chains connecting them, thread them together in ways she’s only even had to do for Sora, when he fell asleep in Castle Oblivion. It’s almost like an operation. Terra and Aqua hold Ventus’ hands and say their “see you soon”s before he drifts to sleep. Angel the Wise and his Apprentices have to assure them that Ventus won’t be sleeping for so long, not a year and definitely not 12. The process will take a while, since Ventus’ memories are so twisted and Naminé needs time to untangle them, but she has support. She’ll be able to help him soon.

Naminé and Ventus are alone again, before he must sleep.

“Hey, Nams?”

Naminé looks at him quietly. Ventus smiles.

“I know you haven’t started yet, but… thanks, Naminé. In advance.”

Ventus felt the urge to say that. He couldn’t tell why, but… well, Master Eraqus always told him to be polite.

Naminé manages a smile, Ventus falls asleep, and she begins her work.

Anyways, things don’t go… well in my head. There’s a lot of remembering bad things and a lot of Naminé going “oh shit, Ven’s gonna have to remember this and he’s going to feel TERRIBLE.” a lot of her realizing what stuff he’s been through and now, she’s in this weird place where she KNOWS and it’s up to her to decide whether Ventus should remember or not. And fuck, it’d be so much pressure for her. just…. you ever had to sit with a friend while they describe something horrible they’ve been through? it had to deliver bad news? Naminé is just feeling all the worst parts of that. Sorry for Ventus, sorry for Strelitzia, sorry for everyone. She wants to help but she doesn’t know how, all she knows is that she can either help Ventus remember or hide all the memories away again and pretend she couldn’t reach them.

(also, Marluxia was there apparently and Naminé does NOT want to unpack those feelings goodness gracious no)

Now, whichever choice Naminé takes will be a mess of angst. Because on one hand, she can let Ventus remember and everyone will deal with the consequences, or she can make him forget, and only she would know about the Age of Fairytales and Strelitzia’s murder and how very young Ventus had been when he was dragged into everything. Either way, there’s no going back.

It’s all a matter of whether Naminé has the courage to ask for help and risk hurting others, or pretend everything is alright and take on the pain for herself and herself alone.

[itsjaywalkers]

Hello Laurie! How are you? How are your holidays going?

I'm the same person who messaged you 2/3 months ago about the fic that I was writing and being scared to post it because it's not my native language. I was wondering how your writing goes, like how do you edit? What do you struggle with the most? I know you said it's not your native language either, and I just wanted to know what slows you down the most? Because for me personally it's grammar, structure of the sentences and its punctionation. I always wonder if my commas are in the right place and if I used right marks, obviously the placement of it differs in every language. And do you have any tips for me? ANYWAYS i'm so sorry this is such a long question bahahhaha, also I've read your new Bartylily fic and I love it. I'm on my knees for them, can't wait to see what you got in store for them. Hihi have a good day! <3

hi darling!! i'm okay, doing some writing!! and my holiday is going great <3 i've been at the beach all week, swimming and reading and eating delicious food. i missed my parents and my sisters like crazy, so it's been very fun to get to spend so much time with them <333

oh, yes!! i remember you!! i hope that fic is going well, and that you'll decide to post it someday. i feel like i already told u this, but i'm sure it's lovely, and if deep down u wanna share it, u should be able to do so, fear be damned (im aware it's not that easy but . u get what i mean)

and my editing process is . very boring and very long . i usually just write the whole chapter out, exactly how i have it planned in my mind, without stopping to check for mistakes, or letting myself get distracted by . a paragraph or a line i don't like, all that can be fixed during the actual editing. once it's done, i try to give it a day?? to let it breathe a lil. and then i reread it all!! i go scene by scene, and sometimes it means just fixing the grammar of some sentences and deleting a random line here and there, and other times it means deleting a whole conversation, or rewriting an entire scene bc it's not working how it's supposed to. editing can take me from a couple of hours to actual days, so it's not a process i really enjoy </3 writing can be a pain, but it's when i get to be messier and have fun and not worry about the end result. editing means polishing and rereading until you grow sick of the story. it's necessary but it's not my fav part of the process, that's for sure

i don't think i'm that bothered by grammar, but it's mostly bc this is just fanfiction and i kinda just . have fun with the language?? sometimes i'm aware i'm not structuring a sentence the Proper way but it looks more beautiful my way, and it sounds nicer, so why would i change it?? not a single one of my uni profs is gonna be reading it anyway. but as someone who isn't an english native speaker either, i totally get u, bc i used to be very insecure about this, and i still am a bit sometimes. i had this fear that ppl were gonna be able to tell english isnt my first language at a first glance. but so what if they do?? theres nothing wrong with that, and bc im bilingual, i speak and write in english in a manner native speakers cant replicate, bc i see and understand their language differently. and i think thats lovely!!!

the thing i struggle the most with is descriptions?? i feel like im not detailed or accurate enough, and like i lack a lot of vocabulary. i do my best to fix it during editing but it never quite works i fear.. i also write ridiculously long sentences, bc i use way too many commas when i should be using periods. and i think that my dialogues are pretty good, but at the same time im always . concerned about characters sounding real enough yk?? since, again, english isn't my first language

and i don't know about tips darling. i keep saying this, but i feel like i'm not the best person to ask about this At All, bc i'm not that knowledgeable, or talented, or skillful. i can tell you to remember that at the end of the day this is fanfiction, and we're supposed to be having fun and being self-indulgent. try not to worry so much about grammar and proper sentence structure or putting commas in the right place. bend the language until it sounds pretty enough for you and a sentence rolls off the tongue the right way. who cares if it's not Correct or Proper. it's not meant to!!! also, don't edit right away, let the story or the chapter breathe for a bit, otherwise you're gonna hate the whole thing and believe it's a Mess. it's usually not!! you just need a break and to put some healthy distance so u can edit more honestly, less unbiased

don't apologise!! my answer was even longer SIGH i hope some of this was at least a little helpful <3 and thank u so much!! more ppl than i thought are reading and enjoying the bartylily fic, and it fills me with joy <3 next ch is coming VERY soon and i can't wait

wishing u the best and sending u all my love MWAH <333

[daenysx]

hi lovely

So feel free to ignore this if you do not have the mental capacity for it, i just really need to vent but I will understand if you don’t have it in you rn to listen to someone else’s problems.

long story short, i am scared ALL the time, not in a oop im scared of the dark ( i am) way, but more of i am terrified of the endless possibilities of danger, which isnt sensible cause yes there is always possibility for danger but it isnt always just LOOMING you know?

But my mind thinks otherwise and i already have anxiety so a reallu NICE combo yk

I just feel so terrified its actually interfering with my life, everything i do is accompanied by endless thoughts my mind does not take a break im so exhausted, genuinely my thoughts are always racing and im always getting thoughts like okay if i dont leave this light on then something terrible will happen or if i dont idk tidy up the couch then something terrible will happen and like? How am I supposed to live like that? Im so so drained i feel plagued by fear and i do not know what to do , ignorance could really REALLY be a blessing but sadly im someone who’s just too aware , of everything that could go wrong, of everything happening in the world, of every mistake i made and i just wanna crawl in a corner and cry my eyes dry

I think im done

If you made it this far, again im so so sorry if this is too heavy i do not wish to burden you but you make my days better and my mind goes quiet when im on here, i hope you have a spectacular day my love <3333

hi my love!! there's absolutely nothing wrong with sharing what's in your mind with me, please feel free to reach whenever you want. i know these experiences are different for each person and maybe i'm not qualified to offer you solutions but i can always listen

i definitely understand what you mean, maybe you know this because i sometimes share a few things about myself here, most of the time i live alone at another city i study in and i'm away from everyone in my family. i only have friends there but they mostly stay in dormitory so we don't live in close distance. living alone definitely doesn't help with these kind of fears because there's no one else to reach out when something urgent happens, so there's always this part of my brain that keeps telling me to take care of everything and prevent any danger

now i know what i'm talking about is a bit different than your situation but this is my experience with the obligation of being aware of everything i do. and of course it's hard to keep things quiet sometimes, so i understand what it feels like to not being able to shut your brain up sometimes.

at first it was hard for me to trust in what i do, or you know just counting on the ways the world works. but days passed and i saw i can actually take care of myself. and being in control felt good. it's my choice to study there and i can actually do it. this made everything better. i believe every situation is different for every person, this why i also believe your solution can come to you in time. i think it's normal for these things to take lots of time for you to get better and learn how to let go of your fears. maybe it can be a good idea to ask for help from a therapist. i know it's hard to ask for help and i definitely struggle with that but sometimes you don't have to fix everything by yourself and it's okay to reach out.

i know i wrote too much but this was my experience and maybe reading this can help you with yours. please don't hesitate to text me whenever you want, i've been told i'm a good listener<33333