#i mean i'm willing to lend an ear if you need to talk my guy

[soulbeastdragon]

The other day while I was map completing someone whispered me saying along the lines of "red and black are my colors" and I paused for a second going ??? but they were talking about my mount dyes I guess? And I replied "Yeah cus red and black is so original and no one has ever done it before"

Besides, my dye colors were Shadow Red and Bloody Red sooo ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[the-s1lly-corner]

spot that meets a autistic reader, that is talkative to themselves, but has poor social skills because (lack of good parenting + bullys, but is very smart and loves art and engineering, and dreams to be a scientist one day.. it could began as the reader first feared him over an awkward moment? to opening up about themselves and the reader's obsessive fascination over him. two very talented ppl that only wants to be appreciated, respected and loved...💔

idk is it to much?? bruh I'm trying to be creative😭 I'd be happy with whatever happens!. aNd TaKe yO tiME!! On irl things and beloved spotty <3

Spot w/ an autistic reader!

Rubs my autistic little hands

Feeling a lil drowsy but I wanna chuck this out before I fall asleep for (possibly) the next 7 hours :3

Not proof read we die like Peter Parker <\\3 we are sleepy and tumblr wont let me save drafts for asks <\3

Obligatory "I like this character so I'm hcing him to be ND like me" touch

He gets it

Anyways

I think to help make the whole thing less jarring, or whatever, is that you may have known each other vaguely before the collider incident

You weren't a scientist at alchemax, more like.

Well shoot I just forgot the term but like, you work there, but you dont do hands on experiments, not experienced enough yet

Intern?

Maybe, idk

Obviously you don't work there anymore after the collider blowing up, so... you're looking for a new job

You knew about Jonathan, but you weren't friends

You had also heard rumors about what happened to him but you kinda dismissed it as cruel rumors surrounding his death.. I mean no one could've survived that explosion.. right?

So imagine your surprise when you end up almost getting robbed by spot

Can you blame him? He hasnt found another job since the accident and hes probably living off of pity handouts; likely homeless

Now hand over the wallet!!/j

No but on the semi likely chance that you manage to defuse the situation, given Spot sucks as a criminal, you just bluntly ask if the whole

Rumor thing is true

I mean obviously it is but confirmation is important

After a few more chance encounters, you guys both finally decide to properly sit down and talk

Its tense and awkward at first since 1. How does one even act around someone like spot? He's vulnerable but also trying to do the whole. Revenge thing... And 2. Hes desperate for human interaction and it SHOWS, it's almost uncomfortable actually

But you both trudge past it and make it work

One meet up turns into two then three; then you discover how much hes struggling and

Now you're roomates

Oh my god they were roommates/ref

Anyways, that's the set up!! It kinda felt wrong to just. Jump into it without some explanation on how yall end up in the same area consistently

Doesnt mind that you mumble to yourself, he probably does the same thing. From muttering things to keep his train of thought to having a personal monologue, I wholeheartedly believe he does the same thing

Hs understands how it feels to be. Not treated very good, he likely wasnt the most respected in alchemax so it's not uncommon for the two of you to have vent sessions where you both let it all out

You ask him about his journey to becoming a scientist and not so subtly ask for advice on how to get into the field; and touching onto the whole human interaction thing, hes more than willing to talk your ear off about his entire career history

On the chance you dont want to do physics stuff, and you wanna do another branch of science he's all ears on listening to you ramble, may even lend a hand in getting you to where you need to be career wise

Yall do at home experiments as bonding stuff

Look if spot can make a mini collider in some building then I can only imagine the type of shit yall get up to at home

Oh? You're still curious about.. him? Of all things, him?

He never thought anyone would look at him with interest; usually its disgust or fear, or both

Hes hesitant at first because what if you discover something that'll totally change your view of him?

Takes (some, a little) coaxing

Bro caves fast, he misses physical touch

"So like, these holes-" you proceed to just. Dip your entire fist into a hole and watch said fist pop out from another hole

The demons are telling me to make reader like

Make it a game to try to throw stuff through his holes but I feel like that would be really mean, no one likes stuff getting thrown at them

Please dont throw stuff through his holes :(

Random but like

Idk if this happens with yall but

If someone stims do yall. Like stim back

Like I have vocal stims and mess with my hands; and sometimes my friend will be prompted to stim if I stim??

Idk but yall do that

OHOH before I post this if you're both comfy with physical touch please please please hold him, it's been so so long since someone has hugged him and he really really needs it :(

[ourequiem]

schneizel ☆ relationship hcs .

‣ cws/tws: none, this is fully sfw, and maybe even fluffy.

‣ reader: gender neutral - they/them

‣ author's note: I cannot stand this dude, truth be told. (or so I am trying to convince myself to believe 😮‍💨👎🏾 .)

We know, Schneizel is a very intelligent and strategic person, but listen… he also has a soft side (that he only shows to his significant other). I'm gonna tell you now, that he is definitely the type to spoil you with gifts and surprises, he enjoys spending quality time with his partner.

Although he loves to spoil you with gifts and surprises, he never does it to the point that it might feel overbearing. He simply wants to make you happy and enjoys seeing you smile.

A very attentive partner, he will always make sure to listen to his significant other's needs and troubles and tend to them even. He is always willing to have honest and open conversations about anything that wonders on their mind.

I have no doubt in my mind that he's a great listener.

Even though his schedule can be quite busy, (the price to pay for being a leader and prince of sorts), Schneizel always makes time for his partner. He is very respectful of their time and boundaries and understands the importance of balancing work and personal life, yet he hopes that you understand that for his situation, too.

Despite (old) popular belief, frankly, I feel that he's a very affectionate and pure loving partner… I'd even go as far as saying that he enjoys physical touch– he might want to cuddle, receive kisses (and also give them), maybe even hold hands, but the point is; he does tend to show his love and appreciation through small physical gestures as well.

Yes, you've heard it here folks!!! He is a loving and caring partner who values communication, trust, and affection in a relationship. He is always willing to put in the effort to make his significant other feel appreciated and loved.

Very supportive. Supportive of your dreams, always encouraging the other to pursue them— their passions and goals.

He believes in your abilities and talents and wants to see you succeed in whatever you choose to do. He will always be there to lend a listening ear or offer advice whenever they need it.

I'd say that he is quite (very) protective of you, always making sure that you are safe and comfortable.

You'll have to tell him if he's getting too protective enough, cause this guy can (and will) get a little… toxic… if you let him cradle you the way I know he will for too long— moving on; he'll go to great lengths to make sure that you are happy and taken care of, even if it means sacrificing his own time and resources.

He enjoys taking you on romantic dates and adventures, whether it's a fancy dinner at a high-end restaurant or a cozy picnic in the park. He wants to create special memories with you that you'll cherish for years to come.

Schneizel; a natural leader. He brings these qualities into your relationship as well. He is always willing to take charge and make tough decisions, but he does so with your best interests in mind.

As I've said before, Schneizel values trust and honesty in a relationship, and always makes sure to communicate his own feelings and intentions clearly. A very loyal partner indeed, and he expects the same level of commitment in return, or at least an attempt.

Above all, Schneizel loves you deeply and unconditionally. Despite his position of power, he is very humble and down-to-earth when it comes to the relationship. He values his partner as an equal, he intends to never talk down to you or make you feel inferior.

He wants to build a life with his beloved that is filled with love, happiness, and mutual respect.

[paint-lady]

hey, if you don't mind, i want your advice: i'm going to be running a chronicle set in chicago (i am using the chicago by night 5e book) for players who are new to vampire for the most part in a few days and i can't For The Life of Me to come up with an interesting chronicle hook (yeah i have read the hooks in the book). any ideas/suggestions/general advice?

Hiya! I could talk your ears off on how I write my chronicles- so hopefully I have taken all my processes and reduced it down to a lovely World of Darkness jam. 

Here are two good hooks I just came up with- feel free to use them! The third is what I got for my first chronicle, and I just think its a narrative that works very well for new players.

>Option 1: Guilty Until Proven Innocent ”Chicago is a series of paradoxes and transitions, of ever changing paradigms and whimsy,” (CbN 47). Have your coterie be newbies to the city. Ask why they have come to Chicago. Power? A new start? Perhaps this is a political arrangement between the clan of one city with another. Whatever their reason, they have arrived right when a Primogen vanishes- and guess who is first on the suspect list? The fresh faces on the streets >:) The coterie, having barely settled, has to suddenly prove their innocence. And finding evidence lets them uncover something much more sinister....

This one is ideal for new players as it sets everyone on an equal footing. Even if they create a character that has been a vampire for 50+ years and has amassed several dots of influence, herd, status- whatever, they are still new to the city. And being new means you have to start all over again. (This may be frustrating to a player that invested all those points at character creation- but it is on you as the ST to make sure they have opportunities to use those dots and on them as a player to think cleverly.)

Starting the tale off with defending their innocence is actually a very engaging questline. It effectively sets the stage for the political powerhouses. It lets new players know there are rules- and those in power are watching. It also sets the consequences for failure. Understand that the Camarilla probably isnt going to outright kill the coterie if they fail- always make the punishment just harsh and grueling enough to make final death feel like a mercy. Failure isn’t the end of the story.

For new players- I would be lenient with the time it takes for them to find evidence. But within reason. Think like your Prince and Seneschal. Do you really want this coterie running around for a full week, unsupervised, making more messes? No. You don’t. (You might wanna send an npc with them to watch and keep em out of trouble. Your npc is also able to vouch for them.)

This story lends itself to be a Camarilla Chronicle very easily. You can go Anarch, but an Anarch leader suddenly vanishing and blaming the newbies is much more quickly going to end with blood spilled. Thank your local sweeper.

> Option 2: Containment Breach Blacksite 24 (Loresheet on page 264) was temporarily occupied by Operation Firstlight. It has now been transformed into a medical research facility. While most kindred of Chicago know of Blacksite 24, they have zero clue what happens inside other than bad news for them- the less they know the safer they are. The chronicle opens with a car crash. The captured soon-to-be coterie was in transit to this feared medical facility. The crash did kill the driver and the agent in charge of transporting them. The crash did not fully break their restraints, but it did enough damage that first responders are freaking out. They are all at hunger 3. The chronicle is a hunt. The coterie should have some knowledge of what had happened to them and how lucky they are to have escaped. Operatives are already on their way to recapture them. They must hide in this city- and do their best to survive and stay out of sight.

The point of this story is to invoke dread. I highly recommend one player either being a thin-blood (or an npc) with the Daydrinker merit, or a player to have a ghoul. If they decide to not have a daywatch, they increase their chance of being found.

This story also sets up a feeling of desperation. They would be willing to take shelter from anyone- anyone. Eventually the other kindred will catch on that these guys are on the run from something. Any sane kindred would toss them out to protect themselves. A compassionate kindred who takes them in will suffer the final death as a compassionate fool- or join them in captivity. 

This story lends itself to be an Anarch Chronicle much more easily. This is the time the Camarilla will likely be a bit more paranoid and bloody. While they might not outright kill the coterie- they will send them somewhere that is a death trap. They wont dirty their hands with this. After all, you do not want any evidence to fall into the hands of the SI if you hired the hit.

This story is ideal for newbies without background merits. No allies, no influence, no herd. Let them take more mythic merits such as bloodhound and unbondable (Consider finding some from V20 too! There are some really awesome supernatural merits!). These powers would certainly be more fascinating for a medical team to study- not how many instagram followers they have. This kind of story also lets your players feel more powerful- but out of the loop. It lends itself to them forging alliances and getting caught in one-sided favors a lot more quickly. 

The challenging aspect of this story is that is starts with a masquerade breach. New players may not know how to handle such a blatant breach and thats okay. I would let the crash slide- and the Camarilla in the background handles it. Breaches after the crash need to be handled with proper consequences. 

> Option 3: New Blood This is what my storyteller did to me and my first time players (and its also very close to the plot of CoNY). We were shovelheads. Embraced to make a huge mess for the Camarilla and die quick deaths. We were all thin-bloods. The last thing the pcs remember is the sweet rush of ecstasy washing over them, before clawing out of the earth and driven mad by an insatiable hunger. The thrill of the hunt, and the sweet, warm blood on their tongue, nothing was going to be better. All three will awake next to each other, surrounded by the corpses they drank dry in their frenzy. What a way to play the name game! The players have three nights were they figure out their new condition or coverup their tracks (if they think to do it). They contend with their hunger and hatred of sunlight, wrestle with accidentally drinking their family member dry. After three nights, the Scourge comes knocking. Rather than outright killed, they are dragged to Elysium. For some reason, they are adopted by an upstanding member of the Camarilla- or the Prince orders a political rival care for them (hoping they fail). The players are the errand childer of this kindred, and slowly they figure out what they have been gathering through all these errands....

This one lets the characters all have the moments where they discover their disciplines and powers- and bestial tendencies. It naturally flows to allow players to slowly discover the rules and mechanics as well. All players must play fledglings for this tale. 

This story is much more a personal tale than a political one. Eventually politics makes its way in...but it does not have to be a focus. 

This story has less of a hook and more of a “Figure it Out” survival mode until the errands begin. The story is how the character’s react to their condition. It very quickly lends itself to a narrative of finding your own path in the night, rather than mindlessly obeying.

So here are a few questions that I ask myself when crafting a chronicle story:

1. What kind of story do you want to tell? Not asking for a plot hook, I’m asking for a general concept. Is it a tale of good triumphing over evil? (Not necessarily a wrong answer, but if you wanna play good guys...vampire is not the best game for that). Is this a chase? Is this a race against time? 

2. How do you want your story to make your players feel? Do you want to tell a story that invokes as much dread as possible in your players? Do you want them to feel ultra powerful? Vampire is both a power fantasy and a dread inducing game- it can do both. 

3. If you don’t know what kind of story you want to tell, switch gears to worldbuilding. CbN has so many NPCs with the rumors already written for you. Its your setting, perhaps switch two rumors around with prominent NPCs. Decide which ones are true in your setting- Maybe Primogen Annabell did kill her predecessor. Perhaps the Lasombra are attempting to infiltrate the Camarilla as everyone fears- but no one is able to prove it or stop it. Deciding what is true, false, and undetermined usually blossoms into hooks and stories worth investigating.

4. What is a historical event of the city that the Vampires would have endured/ scars would have remained? For example, in my chronicle set in Richmond, the tale of the Richmond Vampire is true. Depending on who you ask, it is the Camarilla’s best or sloppiest cover up. Have the chronicle coincide with the events and the coterie live through them. No one said this must take place in 2021- you can do 2015, 2008, -hell go back the 1990s. Its actually super fun if you set your chronicle in the 90s and your Malkavian is using phrases from 2020.

5. One of my things I do when writing scenes and moments is play Dread by myself. Dread is a role playing game played with jenga. There are no dice rolls, if you want to attempt something, you have to pull pieces from the tower. If the tower falls, you die. If there is a moment where I really really really dont want to pull from the tower, though the reward for succeeding is so so sweet- I keep the moment. If its really easy to shrug and go eh, I can live without performing that action- go back and rewrite it. If you have no incentive to pull from the tower, why would they?

6. Examine your player’s desires and ambitions- and do not neglect them in your chronicle. The plot wont magically allow all of them to achieve their ambitions. However, provide opportunities for them through the plot. Its on them to strive for what their character wants- its on you to make them struggle but have the path to get there. For example, if a player wants to become a Baron, provide a political opening. Perhaps then by announcing their power, they have made a bigger name for themselves and it has become harder to hide. Perhaps by doing this, the kindred they owe a favor is suddenly much more vocal about it. 

Here are some suggestions for handling new players:

> You are going to have to handhold them through some things. New players to vtm won’t be able to see the cascading political web and how the consequences of their actions will ripple into waves. I like to use Wits+Insight and call it Common Sense. Common Sense was a merit in V20- and damn is it WONDERFUL. All they need is just 1 success (they can take half) to have you explain how whatever plan they just thought of is actually a TERRIBLE idea. 

> Do your RPG consent list. Know what is safe to discuss and what is off the table. I highly recommend utilizing something my Storyteller used for my first chronicle, and subsequently I use for all my ttrpgs now: Invoking the Veil. The metaphor is that you are slowly lessening the intensity of a scene- as if raising the opacity or looking through layers of fabric. Eventually, there is too much fabric and you can no longer see the scene. If something is too intense, the ST or the player may announce they are invoking the veil. Reduce the scene by lowering music, speaking in third person, or avoiding heavy descriptors. You can reduce it further to just dice rolls. Role play stops, and the consequences of the scene are solely dictated by the dice. Or fade to black. If a player is repeatedly fading to black on something- ask to talk to them about it. Clearly something is too intense and they are not having as much fun as they can. Debriefing after a session is also a good idea. Do something silly! Share and check all the memes in the discord chat. Its important to make sure you and your players know that at the end of the night- its all just a game.

> I find the sabbat and new players don’t tend to mix well. You may absolutely still use the sabbat in your chronicle! But the dogma and philosophical ideals of the sabbat can be offputting and downright upsetting to a first time player. You may absolutely build to it- that’s what I did to my players. And in the moment of the truth, they chose to cling to humanity. 

> The taking half mechanic is your friend! V5 says players may announce how many dice they are rolling- and if the dividend is greater than the DC- they auto succeed. This streamlines play. Of course, you as the Storyteller may say this is a roll they are not allowed to take half on. Usually these are contested rolls (combat).

> The three turns and out rule keeps combat intense but not too lengthy. It actually streamlines encounters super super well. 

> My ST used a phrase, “The quickest way to kill Cthulhu is to give it a healthbar.” If Methuselahs and Elders are involved in your game- avoid giving them stat blocks. This cultivates a conflict that new players must find a way to overcome without brute force combat. It makes them think critically and defy these super old antagonists through narrative means. This also gets the notion out of your and their heads, “if they die, its over.” Its never that easy. Never. 

[shenanigans-and-imagines]

I feel like you've shipped me enough (which, by the way, thank you! And congrats on 4.5k, again. You deserve this.), but that won't stop me for thinking of ships for you. You definitely deserve it. Anyway, let's get to it. I feel like you'd be a good pair with Obi-Wan. Whenever we talk, you know what you're talking about and you know what you believe in. You give off older sister vibes, at least for me. You listen, and though you may not always know what to say, you're still there. I feel like he'd appreciate that, whether you're just listening or you can give a little advice. I feel like maybe you're overlooked sometimes, and I think people overlook Obi-Wan as well. You're wickedly talented, in ways I can't even begin to describe. I think you'd both have moments where you just talk about your day, maybe over food or something. I can see you both finding peace in one another. You're both steady rocks for alot of people, but when you're together, you're able to let your faults show. I feel like, as well, that you both would be verbal dueling partners, finding fun in your little ritual. (Maybe it's what leads up to you both getting together, who knows.)

For the ship, I'd prefer a Marvel ship, with a guy. I enjoy a lot of hands on tasks, like baking, sewing, and seeing how things work. (Even if I can't put it back together the first try 😅) I enjoy the much warmer months, and what comes with it: longer days and beautiful skies, ice pops and air conditioning, spending time outside. I'm not sure what I'll do with my life in the future, but I'm learning that that's okay. I enjoy writing and singing, though sometimes I wonder if my abilities are more than sub par.

Alot of time, I enjoy just listening. It takes a bit for me to be comfortable with others, out of fear they may leave once they realize how I am. So I lock away parts of me they won't like, or I think they won't like. They can't dislike me if they don't know me. But anyhow, I enjoy alot of things: older TV shows, vegetables, watching home videos, learning about the more forgotten parts of history and remembering the forgotten, naps, a good cheesecake. But I miss ballet the most. There's still a bit of muscle memory, but alot of it's fading. Still nice to see the home videos of the performances though.

I know you didn't really want a physical description, but I recently cut my hair, so it's just at chin level, and I really enjoy it. For me, it's like a new breath of air entering my lungs. It just feels great.

I ship you with Vision

If there is anything you can say about Vision, he has patience. He'd be more than willing to take his time to really understand you, all of you, even the ugly bits. Part of it is him wanting to understand humanity, but another is just wanting an excuse to be around you. He'd also try his best at almost any activity you do together and with your own patience you'd end up laughing at the well meaning mess. Long walks together just talking. Cooking together. Watching TV. He'd be there for all of it, while also knowing you're there to sit down and lend an ear when he needs it too.

I am so soft for this. Thank you so much. 🥰

(12/30)

[mitsuaziel]

Rain (Barbatos x Reader)

Female! Reader

Slight angst but with a happy ending

In the human realm there you stood, under the heavy rain that wets your figure, soaking your entire being with its polluted water but you couldn't care less about how you'll get sick afterwards. No. You stare into nothingness, the heavy rain greatly limiting your field of vision to maybe one to two meters and even so, objects are extremely blurry.

The reason why you're under the rain is because you're heartbroken. It's stupid, yes, you know but he was your fiance of three years so it's heart shattering and as if your life line is plugged out when you caught him in action with another woman, balls deep into her as her moans fill the room, clearly having a good time. The reason for his cheating is because you didn't want to have sexual intercourse with him but being the religious person you are, you stated that you didn't want to have sex until after marriage but it seems that he couldn't wrap his mind around the idea.

'He only wants you for your body', your best friend said, attempting to comfort you but it didn't do much as your mind wanders to that specific moment in your life.

'He's the one missing out! It just means that he wasn't your soulmate. God has other plans for you', then why did He has to make it so painful to you?

'Fuck that guy! I hope he gets condemned to Hell', you wish too but you try to get yourself out of that mind set since it's quite the sin to wish someone that.

All these allegations are true, yet here you are, under the rain thinking negatively about yourself. Weren't you pretty enough? Wasn't your company enough for him? Satisfying enough for him? You let out a shaky breath and close your eyes, the rain getting heavier if that's possible. You really want to disappear off the surface of the Earth but you didn't. Again, it's a great sin if you did it.

So, you resorted to just being sad and crying out your sadness all alone. It was... Comforting, to say the very least and with the rain, it's easy to cover up your tears and voice.

"ARGH!" You screamed out loud. You could barely make out your own voice. Perfect.

So you screamed again and again and again until you ran out of energy. If you can't hurt or kill yourself, you might as well tire yourself and just go to sleep. But even so, you figured that you might have nightmares regarding what happened to you just yesterday so you might as well completely drain your energy until you can't move.

With one last scream of frustration and anger, you drop to your knees and let tears flow down your face. God, you just wanted to kill yourself but you can't. Sometimes you wish you weren't that religious but it's these times that you're also glad.

How long have you been under the rain? Half an hour? An hour? More than that? You don't know nor do you care at this point. You certainly couldn't care less about your health as well. You just want to hide under the rain so when you thought the rain stopped, you were confused. It's still raining yet why aren't you under it? Then, you look up.

An umbrella.

"Wha?" You breathe out under your breath as you look at the person holding the umbrella.

Due to the darkness, you can't really see his features but you can tell that he's wearing a suit and has gloves on. His expression though empty as ever, his eyebrows are furrowed as if to mimic confusion. He holds out a hand for you to grab and for a moment, flashbacks of your ex-boyfriend doing the same fills your vision and you shake your head.

The man assumes that you didn't want help and retracts his hand. You stand up but wobbled a bit due to you kneeling for so long, causing you to accidentally grab the man's arm. He was as still as a statue, seemingly unbothered by the fact that you just threw yourself towards him. You mutter an apology even though he won't hear it and didn't bother to squeeze water out your hair or clothes.

"Are you okay, miss?" He asks.

You nod and look away, slightly embarrassed of your appearance at the moment. "Yeah, I'm fine. I'll be going now."

"Wait."

You turn to him. "Do you need something, sir?"

Lightning strikes, lighting up the darkness and you only manage to see his features clearly for a few seconds. Beautiful emerald eyes, green hair gradienting to a teal down his bangs on the left side of his face and no expression at all yet it seems to compliment his handsome features. For a moment, you forgot to breathe. How can a man this beautiful exist?

"You just seem sad and I know that I'm just a stranger, a nobody to you but I do have some time to spare before I go back to serve my master." He states.

You were suspicious. The world is a dangerous place and if a handsome man like Ted Bundy can turn out to be a manipulative murderer, then surely, the man in front of you can do the same.

When no answer is heard from you, he sighs and puts a hand over his heart before bowing down to you, much to your surprise. "I am Barbatos, the butler to my master, Lord Diavolo."

"I... I see." You weren't expecting a butler to be by your side.

"You now know my name, my occupation and my master. Surely, this is enough information for you." The butler, you now know as Barbatos, said.

"Oh, uh, yeah." You awkwardly fidget around. He's just too formal with you that makes it uncomfortable for you.

"So, may I know what is the cause of your sadness? Why are you just kneeling under the heavy rain? Are you not scared of what might happen to you if you were to stay too long out here?" He shoots you question after question.

You wanted to tell him but you're scared of the thought of him ridiculing you. Your fiance's friends did, is he any different?

Barbatos sighs once again and mumbles something before saying, "I do not wish to make you uncomfortable. I do apologize if I do happen to make you feel that way. All I want to do is lend an ear. It is not too wrong of me to do so, is it now?"

You look at the more interesting ground. "Why do you even want to listen to my problems anyway? A butler like you shouldn't help me. You must have other jobs to do and even if I tell you, it's not like you're gonna use that information."

"Maybe, maybe not. But I just want to help."

Damn, he's persistent, you thought. It's not like you're ungrateful, it's more like preventing other people from meddling into your own problems that you can handle by yourself. You didn't need or want someone else's help. You can figure everything out yourself.

And yet...

"Kill me."

The butler was surprised. "Excuse me, but could you repeat what you just said?"

"Ah..." You shake your head. What were you thinking? "I'm sorry. I'll leave."

Just as you turn away, a hand grabs your arm. "Wait."

You wait for him to talk.

"I know I have no place to say this, and it's ironic that I'm the one who's saying this, but don't do it. Life may be hard for you but surely, there must be people who love you. I don't know what happened and really, I have no say in this, if you're thinking about suicide, shouldn't you do something you love? Be with the people you love instead of suffering all alone and eventually hurting other people?"

You look back at him with tears welling up in your eyes. "This is a stupid reason and all, but I just... Can't. The person I love betrayed me. He... He promised."

Barbatos lets go of your hand. "Then, that just means he's a liar, a toxic person in your life. Is it not a relief that you found out instead of being blinded by his lies?"

You wanted to talk back but you bite back your tongue. It is true. Better now then never. You think for a while before forcing a smile on your face. "I suppose so. Thanks for... Talking, I guess. I really appreciate it."

A small smile curl his lips, enhancing his already handsome face. "You're welcome."

*****

Barbatos finally went back to Lord Diavolo's castle after buying all the necessary items from the human realm.

"Barbatos! There you are! Where have you been? It took longer than usual. Did it run out of stock or something?" Lord Diavolo asks as he goes through his endless pile of paperwork.

The butler bows down to his master as a form of apology. "I am sorry, My Lord. No, it's not because of that."

"Then, what took you so long?"

Memories of the rainy scene plays in his head but he answered differently despite knowing that Lord Diavolo can tell between a truth and a lie. "There was a fuss over a mistake I did, My Lord. Wouldn't this new generation call that a 'Karen'?"

Though he knows, Lord Diavolo was more interested in the name the humans gave for someone with such an attitude. "A Karen, huh? Call Levi here! I need to know what that means!"

The day continues on like normal but Barbatos kept on wondering why the devils did he help such a helpless human who's willing to kill themself just because of a broken heart? He doesn't understand his own actions and frankly, he doesn't wish to know why either. He's a demon, a duke, an earl, he shouldn't care so why did he help that one human?

Ahh, of course.

"Welcome to Devildom!"

"Barbatos?"

He bows down to the new exchange student and smiles at you. "Welcome, MC."

"You were a fucking demon?!" You were surprised rather than scared.

"Were?" Lucifer asks but is ignored when both you and Barbatos wouldn't answer him.

How have the Fates destined the both of you to meet again.

[fangurk]

Hi there! Can I get a ship please?

I'm a straight female, I'm 5'9 and I have long wavy black hair and brown eyes. I'm a ravenclaw and a Taurus, my mbti is infp and my enneagram is 4w3.

It takes me a while to feel comfortable around new people but once I do I get really talkative and outgoing. I love reading, my favorite genres are fantasy and poetry. I also enjoy psychology, history and fashion. I adore adventures, witty and playful banter, joking around and having discussions on different topics. I daydream quite a bit and I'm a hopeless romantic.

I love helping out and people come to me to vent or for advice and comfort. I also love learning about new things. I can be quite dramatic and stubborn and I tend to be withdrawn at times. I get frustrated easily and I'm quietly competitive.

Could I please get both platonic and romantic ships? Any group is okay for the platonic one and I'd prefer a werewolf or a vampire for the romantic one.

Thank you very much, I hope you have a great day 💜

No problem! I hope you have a good day too! I also hope you enjoy this!!

Platonically I Ship You With... Angela Weber!!

-> she’s probably one of the first people you befriended because she wouldn’t try to force you to talk to her and thus would allow you to get comfortable; simply sitting at the same table at lunch would slowly become walking/driving each other home and hanging out on fridays.

-> you’re talkative and outgoing after a while? good. everybody loves a quiet and not duo.

-> you guys have “girl days” in the library, churning through books like they’re going to stop making them, or in port angeles trying on the silly, over expensive dresses you find; she totally asks you for a second opinion on every article of clothing she wants to buy.

-> i don’t know how much witty banter you’ll get out of her, but she’s totally there for in depth conversations. want to debate the existence of aliens at three a.m.? she’d probably be down.

“I mean they did find water on Mars...”

-> she’s got a stockpile of sappy romance movies you guys can watch together and she’s got a well drafted plan to confess her feelings to ben/eric.

-> it’s good that you love learning new things because I feel like she’s got a bunch of weird interests- like bugs- and she’s ready to talk about them whenever she sees them.

-> between bella and jessica, it’s needless to say your friend group is a little hectic. you’re both the therapist friends for everyone, but, when it comes to each other, she’s always willing to lend you a shoulder to cry on and a listening ear (just like you are willing to do the same for her.)...

Romantically I Ship You With... Embry Call!!

-> you want witty and playful banter? boy does embry got you covered. theres a million jokes running through his mind at any given moment, much to the annoyance of the rest of the pack, and he’s ready to tell them!

-> he’ll gladly take you on adventures, hiking to the most random spots on the res that he finds while on patrol.

-> he finds it cute when you get all lost in thought and start daydreaming. if he can help it, he won’t bother you for a bit— just appreciating the dreamy, far off look on your face.

-> having to lie to his mom all the time and having to protect people at his age is really affecting him, and he really appreciates it when you welcome him with open arms. (sometimes he feels bad for coming to you with all his problems, but all he needs is a bit of reassurance.)

“...I’m sorry about all of this.”

“No, no. Keep going, it’s okay.”

-> even if he’s goofy, he’s still got a really chill disposition. which is good, because it balances out your dramatic flair and your stubbornness really well.

-> he’ll just take books from your shelves sometimes and skim through them with the most confused look on his face; he probably likes the fantasy books a lot, but the psychology?? good luck explaining freud to him without a lot of laughter and/or disgust.

-> i truly believe that he’s also a hopeless romantic and he seriously loves date nights, going all out in the best way possible. rose petals? check. candle light? check. picnics? check.

[cyberstates]

> HAL: Talk Ethics with Kanaya.

warnings: some implied references to depression, mentions of self harm.

GA: Ethics Is A Branch Of Philosophy Is It Not TT: Yeah, it is. It's my favorite branch of philosophy actually.

GA: Governing Morality And Justice GA: Correct GA: I Am Not Well Versed In The Subject TT: Yeah, that's pretty on point. Ethics also is concerned with matters of values, in general. TT: Are you interested in it? GA: As It Pertains To The Future Perhaps GA: I Do Not Want To Trouble You GA: But Would You Be Open To Discussion TT: I'm never busy. Multi-tasking is a thing I can do as easily as breathing is for most people, so totally. GA: I Am Torn Between Whether It Is Ruder To Assume You Are Willing To Speak Or To Insinuate That You Do Not Have The Capacity To Multitask In The Interest Of Allowing You To Decline Politely TT: Haha, it's fine. I'm always excited to discuss philosophy, so I'm totally down. GA: Is It Ethical To Do Something In Someones Best Interest Even If They Wildly Disapprove TT: I think so. TT: Not universally, of course, but I think generally speaking, it's ethical. GA: I Do Not Think I Am Being Subtle By The Way TT: Yeah, I know you're talking about Sollux. GA: It Is Just Difficult For Me To Speak Directly TT: I understand. TT: It's pretty hard to see him adamantly refuse and rationalize why it'd be better to leave him there. But it's not like it's impossible to understand why he'd think that, though neither is it impossible to say that his judgment here isn't right. TT: I personally think I have an ethical imperative to help him—or any friend in this situation—even if, and this is hypothetical, he would hate me for doing so. GA: That Is What I Am Concerned About I Think I Know I Cannot Leave Knowing He Will Remain Behind GA: However I Have Been Informed It Should Just Be Sollux And I For A Time As Vriska Is Taking Eridan Somewhere GA: I Foresee GA: Resentment Perhaps GA: I Do Not Expect Sollux To Be In Good Spirits TT: It'll take time, I think. GA: I Am Struggling To Reconcile The Demands Of My Conscience With His Desire To Maintain The Status Quo For Himself GA: It Is Easy To Give In To A Routine GA: If It Is Beaten Into You For Long Enough TT: Yeah. GA: My Duty Is To Him More Than Eridan At This Point TT: What do you mean by that? GA: Eridan Does Not Need Me The Way Sollux Does GA: I Will Not Elaborate Out Of Respect For Eridans Privacy TT: Understandable. GA: I Am Not Sure How I Will Be Able To Remain Neutral And Comforting If I Am Faced With Resentment And The Constant Reminder Of What I Have Done GA: I Will Not Waver When We Take Action GA: But I Am Still Uneasy With The Multitude Of Interpersonal Consequences I Cannot Even Begin To Guess At GA: Even Relating To Sollux Alone GA: He Is Dear To Me GA: As Much As He Tries Not To Be GA: I Do Not Want Him To Hate Me But I Know It Is Out Of My Control TT: It's true that Sollux will need support and care after we get him out of there, to recover both physically and mentally. TT: As his friend and someone who is helping him get out of there, you seem to feel like this support might have to fall to you entirely, which I don't think is true, but also think should not be true. TT: That said, I don't think you should necessarily frame this situation, and him, as something in terms of your duty? I mean, duty outside of a friendship-duty sense. TT: I don't really know what we can do aside from being patient and understanding if Sollux harbors resentment about this. TT: But in that situation we must also be mindful of ourselves, and what we need and want for our own well-being. TT: At the crux of this is the fact that we aren't respecting what he wants because we feel like in this situation, he is being tied down to something by both the systems around him but also by the internalization of those systems. GA: Like Troll Platos Allegory Of The Cavern TT: Is that the same as Plato's Allegory of the Cave. Like the dudes and the shadow and crawling out to see the gradual light stuff? GA: Yes TT: Yeah, I guess Sollux is kind of like the guy who needs to figure out that the shadows are shadows on his own. Except less patronizing. TT: But, anyway, in this circumstance, I think our circumvention of his agency is ethically justifiable—but we should not forget that we are doing just that—circumventing his agency, denying his agency any potency. And here lies an ethical danger, that we may continue to do so when it is no longer justifiable. GA: I Do Not Want To Let Him Hurt Himself GA: When Does Denying His Agency Cease To Be Right And Begin To Be Oppressive GA: How Are My Actions Different From Those Of Helm Law TT: Your first question is an important one. TT: I think we can try our best to avoid falling into the pitfalls of an oppressive mode if we communicate with him. If we support him and guide him. Ultimately, there are decisions that he might adamantly want to make which are harmful to himself, and we will have to hope to be able to convince him that. TT: If we aren't able to, I don't know what we can do—but it becomes a slippery slope rather quickly. TT: Sollux is in a lot of pain, this much is apparent. It's likely that his sense of self and trollhood is distorted. I believe in the fact that he can heal and recover, but both processes I'm sure will take time. I don't want him to feel like no one will listen to what he wants for himself, but at the same time if he wants things that are harmful to himself, we can't let him attain those. GA: I Know GA: I Am Sorry To Have Put You In This Position Hal GA: Thank You For Talking With Me About This GA: I Am Not Sure I Feel Better But I Do Not Think I Will Feel Worse TT: You don't need to apologize. I'm sorry I wasn't able to help alleviate anything, but. No worries. If you ever need to talk about whatever, I'm willing to lend a metaphorical ear. GA: I Appreciate It GA: I Am Glad He Has Such A Good Friend Looking Out For Him TT: You're a good friend to him too. GA: That Is Up For Debate GA: Thank You For Saying So

[anime-matchmaker-blog]

match up with a haikyuu, knb and ao no exorcist male pls? I'm a 160cm cancerian ambivert-NFP girl with long black wavy hair, curvy body, who loves cuddles n getting spoiled but i have my mood swings. Im a very romantic, cheesy n friendly person, loud, cheerful, can be extremely weird once u get to know me. I wear my emotions at my sleeve and is VERY easy to please. Despite being a fun-loving, carefree girl at times, im mature enough to lend my older sisters a shoulder when they need it. (cont-)

(-cont) I love dancing, reading/writing poetry, swimming, extreme sports, beaches, animals n going in road trips. Im adventurous but have my lazy days where i spend the whole day doing nothing in bed. Im a strong girl, i survived chemotherapy bfore. I dont judge, read people like an open book and try my best to be kind to everyone, im a very emotional n sensitive person. I have adult ADHD which comes with depression n anxiety. I have days where i breakdown n need constant reassurements. (cont-)

(-cont) im polite and respectful to people esp elderly people. I love talking, i can talk about a lot of things, ranging from stupid topics to questioning the world’s existence, to cheesy/sappy shit to deep life conversations. I get along with ppl of all ages. I LOVE my friends (note most of them are childhood friends and are guys, bcus guys have less drama), they spoil me which will prob make my bf jealous. THANKS GUYS!

Sorry for the wait! Thanks for your patience and I hope you’ll like your matchups C:

Your matchups are…:

Haikyuu!! - Sugawara Koushi

Suga’s first impression of you is that you’re no stranger to guys. He sees you around school often, always with an entourage of guys who you appear to be friendly and close to. At first, he’s just someone in the background and you don’t notice him - he’s just another pretty boy, after all. You don’t see him completely until you run into him on the street and he reaches a hand out to you as he introduces himself. You remember who he is and you let him walk you home. The silence is awkward, but you keep a steady stream of questions flowing and by the time you reach your home, both of you are laughing and friendly to one another. Suga says he’ll see you around before heading off.

Somehow, Suga gets sucked into your existing pool of friends, but he manages to stand out because of his attractiveness and charm. He enjoys your weirdness and your playfulness, but he can also sense your serious side, especially when it comes to touchy subjects with your friends or in school. He walks home with you when he doesn’t have practice and you make every walk last longer by taking detours or alternate routes. Suga contributes to this by making his own journeys through the neighborhood and the two of you begin to discover elements about the community you never knew existed. These walks are never quiet now - you’re always talking, always engaging in Suga in a variety of topics. His range of knowledge helps when it comes to the random subject changes.

There are days when you and Suga are at one another’s houses simply working on homework or reading, days when you two are out and about running rampant in the city, and days when you’re planning road trips to get out of the city. Whenever you seem to have a bad day, Suga drops everything and marches over to you to make sure you have company and necessary essentials. Sometimes he won’t be able to make it because of volleyball so your other friends take charge, but their care isn’t the same as his. Suga is the team mom, after all.

Your closeness with Suga appears to be the same as with your other guy friends so when the shift occurs, neither of you notice. Suga is first to confess his feelings though and he insists that no matter how you feel about him, he’ll always love you.

OtsuboTaisuke (Kuroko no Basuke): His height and appearance might makehim appear rather intimidating at first, but he’s actually pretty friendly andisn’t that hard to approach. Your talkativeness actually makes it rather easyfor the two of you to get friendlier with each other since there’s always some mundanetopic you can use as conversation fodder. While at first, Otsubo will merely greetyou upon seeing you around the school since that’s the polite thing to do, butafter having a few conversations with you, those casual greetings will turninto longer talks between the two of you. He won’t mind listening to whateverit is you have to say, finding the majority of the topics you decide to bringup to be interesting though sometimes he can’t help but wonder how those sort of topics end up beingchosen. Your politeness and respect towards others definitely is a part of youthat Otsubo finds admirable since that can’t be said about some people. Plus,with how easy it is to get along with you, you’re certainly someone Otsubowants to hang out with more.

While it’s not like the two of you have a lot in common, it’ssimply entertaining being around you and that’s more than enough for Otsubo towant to be friends with you. Though basketball is the main sport he’s into,learning about your interest in extreme sports does intrigue him and prompt himto ask you more about it and that might lead to you inviting him to try it withyou one of these days. He also wouldn’t mind going swimming with you if you’reinterested since that’s a good way to get in some exercise too. If you’reinterested and asks him, Otsubo would totally be up to teaching you or playingbasketball with you too! Since Otsubo is the captain of the basketball team, hehas responsibilities he has to tend to and practices to attend of course, sothere are often days where he can’t spend much time with you. He’d love to hearabout your adventures that you go on with your other friends though, or he’d chastiseyou a bit for lazing around in bed being unproductive but he won’t mean that ina negative way much. It’s also really refreshing how even with your fun-lovingand carefree side, you can be pretty mature when time calls for it. Sometimesbeing the captain will lead to Otsubo feeling rather stressed and it’d be niceif he could talk to you as a way to let off some steam. On the flip side,Otsubo will also be willing to lend you his ear and shoulder when you need it.

It surprises Otsubo how you wear your emotions on yoursleeve and it sort of contrasts with him. Not that he has a hard time showinghis emotions or anything but he just keeps them in check more often. It doesmake seeing how you’re feeling that day easier though but with how sensitiveand emotional you are, it can also be a bad thing since you might end up beinghurt easily. When Otsubo notices that you’re upset or feeling down, he’ll tryhis best to cheer you up. If you need someone to listen to your problems andrants, he’ll lend you an ear. If you just want someone to be there with you, he’llquickly offer to stay with you. He isn’t super affectionate or used to beingaffectionate but if it’ll help make you feel better, he could learn to enjoygiving you cuddles. Otsubo is good at lifting his teammates’ spirits on thecourt and he hopes that works off the court too since it’ll certainly come inhandy in helping you. He might be at a loss regarding what to do when yourbreakdowns occur and will turn to his friends, your friends (if he knows themor have spoken to them before) and probably the internet to help him figure outhow to help you. He wouldn’t mind providing you with the reassurance you needto feel better, as long as it helps you. Your anxiety and depression also hashim stumped since he hasn’t friended people like you before, but Otsubo isdefinitely willing to learn.

Your cheery personality rubs off on Otsubo the more he’saround you and he finds your romantic cheesy side to be quite adorable. Hedoesn’t know much about romance at all and will probably resort to the Internet(after asking Takao once and getting teased in response) to see what sort of “romantic”acts he can do for you to make you smile. Giving you chocolates and flowers arethe first thing he tries, and then if you seem okay with him being close toyou, he’ll attempt holding your hand and giving you hugs. He does feel jealous at times at how closeyou and your childhood friends are but will understand that that’s just howyour relationship with them is and won’t interfere. As long as you’re happy andyou make time to spend with him, that’s all he needs.

Ao no Exorcist - Suguro Ryuji (Bon)

At the beginning, all of your guy friends will protect you from Bon because of hos frightening he appears. You insist that it’s just his face and not much can be done to fix that…but after a while, you realize you really shouldn’t approach him. He’s loud, rash, competitive…yup, you should definitely keep your distance. Despite this, you still run into him in the halls sometimes and he doesn’t pay you attention, so you try to not look at him either. Still, when he accidentally runs into you and makes you drop your supplies, he takes the time to help you pick them up and make sure you’re okay before continuing on his way. Maybe he isn’t so bad after all.

His academic prowess is outstanding and you’re surprised to hear that he’s at the top of his class. Since none of your friends can rival him, you decide to approach Bon and ask him to tutor you in your weaker subjects. He tries to shrug you off by recommending you to another student, but his own friends persuade him to take you on. You can tell he’s serious about the schoolwork so you keep your playfulness down during the tutoring sessions. Afterwards, you do what you can to loosen Bon up by taking him to your favorite stores or on walks to your favorite hiding spots. He’s still uptight and serious during class, but once school is over and no one else is around, he relaxes around you and even though he doesn’t quite admit it, he loves the playful side of you.

In your downtime, the two of you can be found reading a lot. You can’t get Bon to read anything other than bibles and holy scripts, so you read poetry to him in exchange for listening to him recite fatal verses. Bon is capable of keeping up with your shenanigans, which makes up for his lack of talkativeness - he’s a big-mouth, but when it comes to nonsensical things or philosophical subjects, he tends to be quiet. He’s also great at perceiving emotions so he’ll be able to tell if you’re having a bad day or not. He’s still working on comforting you though, so your other friends will have to school him in that department.

Relationships and friendships are pretty much the same to Bon, so his friends have to help spell out his feelings for you. He doesn’t exactly confess and when he does, he stutters and mumbles the words. It doesn’t matter too much to him if you don’t return his feelings…so long he’s able to remain as your friend, he’s happy to be whatever you want him to be.

[xxreadersxx]

Hey, how are you doing? After finding your blog and reading some of your posts, I decided to request a matchup, because I really liked yout writing and you seem such a nice person! I would like to request a BnHA and KnB matchups, please. Btw, sorry for the long description xD. I'm INFJ-T, Sagittarius, Non-Binary (demiguy), Neutral Good, asexual and not sure about my romantic orientation, but any gender is fine. I'm shy and quiet, overall a reserved person, but I like to speak in public (1/5)

{There was a lot of info! Thank you, and I’m sorry it took me so long to reply to this! I hope you like your matches!

Your BNHA Match: Ojiro Mashirao!

During middle school, he remembers meeting someone whocaught his attention. The way there was a certain air to them that made himfeel safe and accepted. He often found himself hanging around them and trustingthem with his problems, and lending an ear to him. When he told them that hewas a little self-conscious about his quirk, they quickly told him he was beingsilly and that it was actually cute. He loved that he could be comfortablearound them, but was sad when he went to U.A. without them. While walking downthe hall, he saw them again. There you were standing at the end of the hall,talking to some of your guy friends, and his heart missed a beat. He wasconfused by this for a bit, and wondered why this feeling hit him, but he shookit off to go talk to you. As he approached, he found himself a bit speechless,you still had that air about you that made him feel comfortable, but there wassomething else there, some feeling he couldn’t place still. He later came tofind, after several more visits to your classroom, that the feeling was love,but he was afraid to tell you, because he wasn’t sure if that would make youuncomfortable around him, but after only two days, he broke down the wall andconfessed his feelings. He tells you that he loves that you’re so understandingand kind, even to people you’ve only just met, and he likes that your views on justiceare the same as his, but he also likes how tolerant you are to people, you don’tjudge people on their appearances. He also finds your shyness at first meetingsto be adorable, but he loves how fun you are to be around once you get used tothem. He hopes to help you as much as you’ve helped him, even if you don’trealize what you’ve done.

*Dates tend to be subtle, hanging around the local park,walks in the mountains/beaches, or even simple cafe/restaurant visits. He hatesto see you uncomfortable, so he makes sure you’re as happy as possible duringthe times you’re together

*He tells you EVERYDAY how amazing you are to him: yourlooks, your attitude, your thoughts = perfect.

*He’s not very good at PDA (which could be good or bad,depending on your views) but will be willing to try anything. (His tail makeshim the best cuddle buddy! Like just sitting beside him, he wraps his tailaround your waist and his arm around your shoulders, it’s so snuggly!)

*He tried to learn a language you were studying, andsurprised you with it'safe to say he butchered it, but it was a worthy effort!His face was bright red! (He reeeaaaally wants to go with you and protect youwhen you go abroad, so he asks if you could help him learn the languages!)

Your KnB Match: Momoi Satsuki!

Walking in on the Generation of Miracles practicing was anormal occurrence for her. What really surprised her was seeing you in the stands, watchingtheir plays. She had seen you a couple times in the halls, but she figured thatyou didn’t like girls since all your friends were guys, so she didn’t want toscare you away. She walked over to your seat, and sat beside you quietly. She smiledand asked what you thought of their playing styles. You gave her your opinion,and the conversation went from there. She finds it easier to talk with guys aswell, but isn’t uncomfortable around girls, she just finds them to be a littlemore troublesome compared to guys. She likes that the two of you seemed toclick quickly, and she shared her thoughts on all kinds of things. You foundthat she looooves animals, and has a strong dislike for cruelty as well. Shefeels that people need to be given a chance before someone could judge them.She thought your personality was perfect, and it matched you so well. You spentalmost every day of the last year of middle school with her and her team, andoften went to the games. When high school came around, you had to say goodbyeto her, and she wondered why her chest hurt so much. When the new school yearstarted and she started to attend high school with Aomine, she wondered why shefelt so…alone. She, off handedly, asked this to Aomine, who scoffed at her andtold her it’s because her friend isn’t here, and he didn’t mean Kuroko, either.She realized then, that life just wasn’t the same without you, and that herfeelings were not simply ‘friendship.’ She contacted you that evening, andasked to meet up, to which you agreed, and there, in the middle of the night,halfway from your house and hers, she confessed.

*Dates with her are a bit…strange like going to the mall onetime, to a sport’s store the next. She even took you to a themed restaurant tosee animals, and then the two of you went to visit Kuroko. She likes spontaneity.

*She likes to hug in public, and little kisses are fine, butshe won’t do more than that because she’ll get embarrassed, she can be a bitclingy, but its only until you tell her to stop!

*She takes care of talking to the girls for you, because sheisn’t as sensitive to it as you. She will usually conduct the conversations sothat you are able to connect as well

*Although she originally had a thing for Kuroko, she realizedafter missing you, that her feelings for him were friendship, because she knewwhat she felt for you were waaaay different.

*She often pops out of nowhere to give you little lovingsnuggles and hugs, and tells you how amazing you are

[themindfuloverthinker]

The Past Thoughts from Years Ago that Haunt Me

It's A again.

And I just remembered that May is Mental Awareness month and I want to share what I've experienced.

I wanted to share my story because I found a poem I wrote when I was still in high school.

It was depressing to say the least (and not really at all that great) because I did have a mental illness and at that time I thought I had depression, I still may have it (I'm not entirely sure) but I'm working on it.

That poem I wrote was way back in 2011 or maybe 2012. I'm not really sure but it was when I was about to go on a school trip. My first time visiting Singapore.

I had a good life. I still do. A loving family. A house to keep me safe. A job that pays okay. Close friends that are willing to lend a listening ear with no judgment.

But I can't help but feel guilty because of my mental illness. As it turns out, I have a mood disorder that's kinda linked to my depressive state (it's how I understood it), OCD, and anxiety which was diagnosed by my psychiatrist.

(ctto of the photo. I just grabbed it from somewhere.)

What I'm saying is that even though someone is living a good life, doesn't mean it's actually good behind closed doors.

When the doors are closed, the demons inside you would whisper meaningless nothings in your ear that would drive you insane or crying.

It's an attack on yourself by yourself.

Last year, my mental illness got worse. By day I looked completely fine. A stoic-faced girl just focusing on her job. Not listening to the voices inside me because I kept myself busy.

But at night, when I would always get home, my demons would attack me in ways that are hard to fight off. My thoughts were louder, screaming at me, even. I would always cry and fight off the urge to hurt myself or kill myself because I shouldn't have a life as good as this. I wasn't worthy of living a life like this, and yet, I kept fighting on for that will to live that I know was inside me.

I did give in, a little bit. I hurt myself. The scars aren't that visible anymore since the wounds I inflicted on myself weren't that deep, it's only when people look really close they'll be able to see it. And thankfully, no one does.

I still want to die, yes. I'm not afraid of death. But that will to live kept me fighting until I decided I needed professional help because I felt it within me that I'm getting tired, and that I was nearing to off myself.

The past thoughts still haunt me from today. I still think about them from time to time, but they don't scare me that much, they don't make me feel weak. They make me feel stronger.

I still breakdown, of course. It's part of my process. It's when I get tired that I just let myself breakdown.

I still get whispers in my ear saying things that give me a negative outlook on life. Negative but still realistic. I try not to listen but I know mostly they're right. It's why I'm not surprised when some things actually happen.

Everyday is a fight. And everyday, I win because I'm still alive.

Always keep going. Always fight that urge. Be one of the people who could be great or good in their own way. Even in a small way.

Be someone who you want to be.

Mental illnesses may hinder you, but cannot stop you from doing things that are good. You can be the best version of yourself even when you're still fighting.

And for the people who are mentally healthy, please listen when someone needs an understanding ear or just be there for them if the person you know with a mental illness isn't ready to talk about it because to be quite frank, we feel guilty about it and we don't want your pity, just empathy.

I bid you guys adieu for a while as these memories flood me. I just let them be because all of those memories are in the past and I can never do anything about them again but just remember. Remember how far I've gotten in my life to be here where I am today.

Be strong. Life will get better. Have hope, always.