#i mean i did that to myself like i made that schedule but u kno. a girl needs $. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

meltwonu · 4 years ago

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| 🍒 CH-CH-CHERRY BOMB! 🍒 | [CHAPTER 12]

pairing; dom!seungcheol x camgirl!reader

this chapter’s notes; camshow, sex toys, overstimulation, tiniest mentions of daddy!kink, a lil bit of a filler chapter!, this is the most btsvt chapter that it’ll ever get so i’m sorry if you dont like that!! 😭😭, a bit of a lighthearted chapter too tbh to ease everyone back into cherry bomb! 💕 I know its been like two fuckin weeks since the last update which is honestly insane to me! I almost couldnt remember where we even left off lmao kdjfhds 😩💕💕 Thank you for being so patient with me and waiting it out while we had two weeks of Monster Mash! Starting Monday, I’m gonna be going back to my normal posting schedule! 💕 have a great rest of the weekend, yall! 🍒

chapters; 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - ?

“Wait, seriously? You want to work here? But--but I thought you were from out of town?”

Jun’s eyes light up with excitement; fingertips crushing the resume you passed to him moments prior. “Um, well, there was a change of plans… and I’d really like to work somewhere where I have a friend! If you guys are still hiring, that is...” You reply back meekly.

It’d taken you all morning to write up a resume, blushing a little when you realize most of your income had been from camming. It’d also made you pause for a moment when you realized that it meant Jun would also know your real name too; as well as everyone who came through the diner and all of your coworkers.

“Yeah, of course! I, um, just give me a second to pass this to my manager, okay? I’ll be sure to put in a good word!” Jun shoots you a wink before he turns to leave.

You take the opportunity to sit down at a nearby booth, fishing for your phone to text Seungcheol.

‘I think I might be getting the job!!’

cheollie ✨: oh? Not that I doubted you, but is it confirmed already?

‘Mm… Jun is trying to put in a word for me! But I’m confident!’

cheollie ✨: thats my baby ;)

You hear someone call your name hesitantly, only to find Jun standing a few feet away looking at you sheepishly. “Um, sorry, your name’s on the resume so I figured…”

“Oh! Yeah, it’s fine!” You awkwardly giggle. “I figured writing ‘Cherry’ as my name wouldn’t be too smart when you need to cross-reference my ID if I get the job.” Jun laughs as he takes the seat across from you in the booth, papers in hand.

“Well, I convinced my manager to let me interview you. Told him that if we’d be workin’ together that I’d want to scope you out for myself! He bought it, can you believe it!?” Grinning, he sets your crumpled resume down next to a small stack of papers. “I don’t doubt you’d pull your weight around here but I do have to ask… Why here of all places? I thought your, uh, other job was enough? Or I guess I assumed...” You bite your lip, flip-flopping on whether or not you wanted to let him know exactly what happened that led to your sudden decision.

“Um… There were just some big life changes I had to make on the fly and I’ll be living around here now! I’m trying out some new things… I also figured if I worked with you, then you’d know my schedule the best too! And you seem like a really nice and cool guy.”

Jun nods, smiling back at you.

“You got that right!”

“You’re seriously going to start working there?” Jeongguk raises a brow, cables in hand as he sets up the extra PC in his streaming room. “And the guy working there knows you? That doesn’t bother you?”

Seungcheol laughs under his breath, “Yeah and he knows me now too. And knows I’d kick his ass if he tried anything.” You pout from your place in the expensive gaming chair; eyes focused on Jeongguk who shimmies under the desk to start plugging in the cables.

“Well, yeah he does know me, but he’s also one of my regulars and knows the schedules I’ll need, so I think we can trust him!” They both nod and Seungcheol is quick to cross the small room until he’s right behind you.

“He seems like a nice guy though, I don’t think we have to worry.”

Jeongguk slides out from underneath the desk, dusting off his pants as he stands. “And if he does end up being a weirdo, there’s always a place for you at the roller rink!”

Seungcheol rolls his eyes, hands gripping onto the backrest of the chair.

“No.”

“Hey guys, welcome back to Golden Closet Gaming! I’m JK, your regular host! Today, we have a suuuper special guest! Why don’t you introduce yourself, pretty lady~”

You take a deep breath as you lean in close to the mic; somewhat nervous and a little out of your usual element. “Hi everyone~ I’m Cherry! Some of you may know me from, um, the other side of the streaming-sphere but I’m joining my friend today in hopes of boosting our channels together and having a ‘lil bit of fun!!”

Seungcheol sits at the side as he watches the two of you; a small smile painted on his lips at the way the two of you seem to fall into your characters easily despite the somewhat different platforms and influx of different viewers.

The sound of donations and comments pour in a lot quicker than Jeongguk, himself, is used to; eyes wide and eyebrows raised as he pauses to watch them flood the screen.

sleepy_wonu has donated $100

xcaliburDK has donated $100

sleepy_wonu: never thought i’d be donating here but here we are

xcaliburDK: i was always a silent watcher but u kno i had to donate for my favorite girl!

seokGENIE: i feel like i’m entitled to something for taking your shift so i wont be donating, sorry pretty girl

j__min: can’t believe this kid got a collab with you before i did :(

j__min has donated $200

dtsug__a: i dont normally watch streams either but im curious

Jeongguk laughs, still in disbelief as the donations continue to pour in from a combination of your viewers and his. He always made a decent amount from his viewers but he couldn’t deny the pull you had from your viewers as well. “Wow, um okay, my donations are adding up a lot quicker than they usually do. That’s… Hey, whaddya say to streaming with me regularly?” He jokes.

A shy laugh bubbles up your throat; ears and cheeks burning hot at the idea. You had never collabed with any other streamer before and despite your initial hesitance and unsureness, you too, were shocked to find how well the two of you were doing without your usual content.

“Erm, I’m not very good at gaming though… I don’t think your viewers would like it very much...”

seokGENIE: thats ok jk sucks at gaming too, it wouldnt be too different

j__min: lmao fkjdhf

dtsug__a: does he get roasted often on this channel? If so i’ll be tuning in more often

dtsug__a has donated $100

dtsug__a: for your troubles, pretty gal

“On second thought, let’s let this be a special occasion, huh? Maybe collabs for the holiday, Cherry?” Jeongguk grumbles and Seungcheol has to bite his lip to keep in his laughs from his side of the small room. You start to feel more and more comfortable at the lighthearted atmosphere; tucking a stray hair behind your ear before you lean in towards the mic again.

“Ah! Speaking of, don’t forget to tune into my camshow tomorrow~! JK and I will be gaming on there as well but… with some added fun to match my channel~! 21 and over only~” You blink at the computer screen, still a little unused to the idea that you weren’t technically being filmed. Although, it was a nice change for once; not needing to be all done up for a show and simply just talking to your viewers and reading comments.

sleepy_wonu: is dom daddy gonna be on the show too?

“Dom daddy? Oh you mean Se---”

“Yes! Kind of!” You cut off, laughing nervously. Nobody knew Seungcheol’s name except for Jun and you were trying to keep as much of him private as possible, until he was ready. “In a sense, he’ll be there! You guys will just have to tune in to find out!”

Jeongguk laughs into his own mic, scooting in closer to his desk as he loads up the game.

“I think that’s enough chatting for now, huh? Let’s get started! Tonight we’ll be playing Phasmophobia! We’ll be playing something more lighthearted on Cherry’s channel, as she requested. So tonight we’ll be playing something I picked out. You ready, baby?”

Seungcheol narrows his eyes, quietly taking a sip of his water.

“Ready when you are!”

“I gotta say, sweetheart, for someone who doesn’t play video games too often, you’re not too bad.” Seungcheol comments, nodding his head in amazement as the three of you exit Jeongguk’s PC room. He’d had a hard time keeping in his laughs as he watched from the side and he had to admit, you were even cuter when you were outside of your usual element.

“I have to agree with hyung, but maybe it was also the adrenaline and screaming that kept you goin’.”

The two males share a laugh as you pout and plop down onto Jeongguk’s living room sofa. “Hey, how were the numbers for tonight, by the way?” You ask quietly.

“Honestly? I think we made almost triple of what my channel usually sees. I know I don’t really make a ton off of my streams since I don’t really do anything, like, crazy but shit… Even I’m shocked at how much we made.”

Seungcheol’s lip ease into a smirk; Jeongguk really had no idea how much the two of you had made off of a couple videos alone.

“We still have one more stream to do and then we can just pool up the money and split it down the middle!”

Jeongguk nods, stretching as he sits himself down onto the other end of the sofa. “I’ll bring my spare PC stuff so we can set up a little early tomorrow, if that’s cool with you two? Maybe have some food before we get started too ‘cause god knows I’m gonna be starving.” You look to Seungcheol who nods and checks his phone for the time.

“Yeah, we need to set up the cameras and lighting a little differently too so we’ll probably start earlier. Just text me before you drive over so we know when to expect you.”

You yawn next to Jeongguk; adrenaline having worn off as the tiredness finally sets in. “It’s so weird, usually I’m only just starting my stream right around this time but I’m so exhausted now...” Seungcheol’s eyes from cute crescents as he smiles down at you, stepping closer as he goes in to smooth down your hair.

“You really were screaming a lot, to be fair. How about we head home and you can sleep in the car?”

“Okay~”

Seungcheol lets you sleep in on Saturday morning, watching as your chest rises and falls with soft breaths.

He takes a moment to think over the last few weeks of his life and he can’t help the disbelieving expression that crosses his features when he realizes just how much had changed over the course of just weeks.

When the two of you had met, he wasn’t expecting much. He expected the two of you to hang out for a few days before you went home and forgot he even existed outside of your camshows and the comments section. But now that so much had happened between the two of you, Seungcheol felt a deeper connection to you and felt the need to protect you even moreso than ever.

He sees you shift slightly, sleepy eyes blinking open as you peer up at him. “Good morning, sweetheart.”

“Mm… g’morning ‘cheol…”

You grimace sleepily at how hoarse your voice sounds, “Ew, I sound so… gross.”

Seungcheol moves to get out of bed, leaning in to kiss your forehead before he shuffles towards the bathroom. “I’m going to wash up but you can stay in bed if you like. I’ll make you some tea for your throat, okay? We have a long day ahead of us and I don’t think you wanna sound like that later tonight.”

Nodding sleepily, you lay back down as you yawn and let the sleep take over once again.

“Are you really sure ‘bout this?” Jeongguk takes a bite of his pizza as he watches Seungcheol pull the desk closer to the bed.

“What do you mean?” You ask; readjusting the light that was closest to the younger male. “Like, I dunno, I’ve never been on a cam show like this so… I mean do I have to do anything different?” You laugh lightly as you go in to pat Jeongguk on the shoulder.

“No, just be you. And we went over it already earlier, the only thing that’s different is going to be me! No weird tricks or anything, I promise.”

Seungcheol places another monitor on the tabletop, grunting as he goes. “Yeah, and in all honesty, I would hate to have to watch you get off, ‘Guk.”

“Oh shut up, hyung. You say that like I don’t know what you’re packin’ under those sweats. I think it’d only be fair! Just two bros getting to know each other.” Seungcheol pretends to gag just as you double over in laughter. “No, absolutely not, ‘Guk. And also, nobody told you to watch those videos!”

Jeongguk pauses, lips pressing into a firm line. “You right, you right…”

You leave to get changed just as Jeongguk starts to help Seungcheol set up the last few bits of equipment. He leans in close to the older male, eyes glancing around the space to make sure you were completely out of earshot. “Hey, hyung, honest question.”

“Sure.”

“Are you really okay with all this?” Confusion crosses Seungcheol’s features as he raises an eyebrow at the younger male. “What’s ‘this’ exactly, ‘Guk?”

“Y’know, her living here and you camming all of a sudden, among everything else really… And the question if you’re in love with her which, by the way, we still all know that you are.”

A blush coats Seungcheol’s skin, fingertips almost losing grip of the camera he was about to mount to the desktop. “Listen, yes, okay, I do… like her a lot. But she’s going through a lot right now too and I don’t want to freak her out either. There’s a lot of life changes we’re going through so I’m just going to ...wait.”

“You’re a good man, hyung.”

“Hi everyone!”

You wave to the camera, winking and blowing a kiss to the camera propped up between the two monitors on the table. “I know, this setup is a little wild and not my normal but this is part two of my collaboration with Golden Closet Gaming! Do you want to introduce yourself to those who missed our other stream?” You turn to Jeongguk who nods; this time a little nervous as he stares directly into the camera.

He’d said he was okay with being filmed since he wasn’t actually part of any sexual acts, but he still found himself a little camerashy now that the two of you were live.

Seungcheol sat directly behind the monitors and cameras; his phone open to your cam show to watch from a different angle.

“Ah, hello! I’m JK of Golden Closet Gaming! I’m a friend of Cherry’s and no we won’t be fuckin’.” Jeongguk ends with an innocent smile that has you holding back your laughter.

therealchan99: i dont think dom.cheol would like that very much anyway

universe_WZ has donated $100

universe_WZ: unless he’s into watching

dom.cheol: no

alphagyu97: oh shit hes back

angelhan: huh, so hes not there?

“Oh, he is! He’s behind the camera~” You gesture beyond the camera to where Seungcheol sits and he leans over to quickly wave upside down in front of the camera to prove his existence.

j__min: ah, of course~ we know your daddy would never let you play with anyone else~

j__min: he likes you too much ;)

emerald.tae: oh? also hi new watcher!!!

emerald.tae: ur videos were great!!

emerald.tae has donated $200

therealchan99: im gonna need to start fighting ppl for ur attention i swear

gentleman_josh95: implying u had it

chwenon: yooooooo lmao

“You guuuuys, be nice! Just for that, I’m gonna be sending you a special private pic, okay ‘therealchan99’? You guys pick on him too much!” You pout.

therealchan99: hahaahhAHhhahaHAAHAA FUCKIN LOSERS SUCK ON THAT

tangerine_kwan: bruh

chwenon: damn guess we should can it

You respond to a few more comments as Jeongguk sits by and watches the way you interact with your viewers. He also takes note that you had a donation minimum before you started actually doing anything on your channel and that you’d already hit it pretty quickly.

“Okay! I think we should start now, huh? Oh, I should explain what’s going on!” You giggle cutely, settling into your space on the bed. “So JK and I will be playing this stilt man game! We have to get our character to the finish line without falling or the level restarts! JK has to get to level 30 and I have to get to level 20 and whoever reaches their goal first, wins!”

“I have a higher level to reach ‘cause our skillsets are different and we all know I’d smoke her if we both had to reach the same level.” Jeongguk grins.

seokGENIE: sure

seokGENIE has donated $69

sleepy_wonu has donated $100

hoshi_tiger_xx has donated $100

“And the reason why ‘dom.cheol’ is behind the camera is because...” You pause, eyes twinkling with playfulness as you stare directly into the lens. “In order to get me to do my best, he’ll be controlling a special toy I’m wearing~ Hehe, if my character falls, he’ll raise the vibration setting each time as punishment and leave it on until I cum…”

“Which we are assuming will be a lot. Unfortunately, no medic on standby.” Jeongguk jokes. Seungcheol rolls his eyes as he laughs from behind the camera.

“We have a safeword, don’t we, sweetheart?” You nod in response, “Mmhmm!”

“Let’s get it!”

It takes all of four stages before your character falls for the first time.

Seungcheol turns the vibrating panties on and you immediately jolt as you try to keep your character upright on screen. “Oh, f-fuck!”

kitty_junjun: uh ohhhh it begins

artist8hao: i don’t think she’s gonna last.. babygirl is so sensitive, she’ll probably cum soon

xcaliburDK: i’m giving it until level 6 before she cums

emerald.tae: oh are we placing bets

“Noooo~ Don’t place bets on me, I’m weak!” You whine; already squirming as the vibrations attack your clit. Seungcheol grins from in front of you as Jeongguk laughs from your side, already on level 7 on his own screen.

You had to admit, it was a little weird for someone else to be in the room with you while Seungcheol basically used a toy on you, but the younger male seemed to not care about it at all. Although, he had already seen most of you and Seungcheol at this point.

Your fingertips are shaky on the keyboard and computer mouse; already fearing the way Seungcheol’s eyes almost become darker the longer you struggle.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart? Is the game too hard?”

“A-ah, n--no, it’s not that b-bad…” Squirming, you grind down a little harder onto the bed just as your character falls on screen and Seungcheol raises the setting to the second highest in the blink of an eye. “Ngh, fuh---fuck!”

“Uh oh~ Should I slow down to let you catch up?” Jeongguk teases.

“N-no, I can beat y-you!”

The donations and comments pour in as you struggle to keep your calm and get your character to the finish line; letting out a sigh of relief as you finally enter the fifth level. You let out a choked sob as you already feel your panties starting to stick to you like a second skin from how wet you were getting and Seungcheol can’t help but chuckle.

“You know, you’re technically allowed to cum whenever you want. It’ll just… slow you down, is all.” Grinning, he watches as you look beyond the camera towards him as you pout.

“But I--I wanna win!” You cry; palms clammy as you try to rush through the fifth stage, only for your character to fall almost immediately. “Nooo~”

Seungcheol clicks the vibrator to its highest setting and your body goes rigid as the vibrations wreck your body. You start to grind against the toy as you chase your orgasm and forget about the game almost completely. In a perfect world, Seungcheol would have his cock snug between your walls, but instead you clench around emptiness as you crave his cock.

artist8hao: ah shes already cumming lol

seokGENIE: on level 5? Fuck

universe_WZ: her cute lil cunt cant take it, poor babygirl

seokGENIE has donated $50

emerald.tae has donated $75

alphagyu97: cum baby, u kno u wanna

alphagyu97 has donated $75

A small choked whine is all you can manage before you do cum; eyes clamped shut and fingers wrapped tight around the computer mouse as the waves of pleasure crash down onto your body. Donations and comments flood the side of the screen from a combination of your viewers and Jeongguk’s as they watch your face contort in pleasure.

“Ah, sweetheart, you’re really falling behind~ JK is going through the stages so quickly while you’re sitting there cumming~” Seungcheol teases. He licks his lips, simultaneously wishing you were sitting on his cock while you played your game.

That’d have to be for another time, he thinks.

It takes a second for Seungcheol to turn the toy off and your body immediately slumps forward as you catch your breath. “Ngh, d-damn it…” You grimace when you re-adjust yourself and find your panties soaking wet.

“I’m already on level 17, babe. You gotta catch up!”

You can only groan in response, flexing your clammy fingers before you try to focus on your own screen again.

kitty_junjun: oho looks like our princess is focused now

tangerine_kwan: u got this baby

j__min: show ‘em who’s boss, babygirl

You tune out the sounds of the comments and donations as you manage to get yourself to level eight without falling, but level nine proves to be just a little too hard as your character falls and Seungcheol turns the vibrator back on to its lowest setting again.

“Be careful, baby. Wouldn’t want to fall behind again would you?”

Seungcheol feels his cock throbbing in his sweats as he watches you bite your lip. And for the first time all night, he wishes that Jeongguk would just win and go home so that he could have his own private time with you.

“I’m on level 22 already. D’you think she can even catch up?” Jeongguk teases. He spares you a side glance, taking in your form slumped closer to the table as you try to fight the vibrations.

Your body was already extremely sensitive from your first orgasm and you quickly losing your confidence as you struggled to keep your character upright. If you came even just one more time, there was no way that you’d be able to beat Jeongguk with how quickly he was going through the stages.

therealchan99: she’s cumming just as quickly as JK is getting thru the stages hfdsf

gentleman_josh95: shes so cute when she cums tho

angelhan has donated $50

angelhan: thats the real prize angel

“T-thank you…” You whimper out, fingertips twitching against the keyboard and mouse as you focus your attention to the game to the best of your ability.

You manage to get to level ten with no more issues just as Jeongguk gets to level 25 and you let out an exasperated sigh as your character falls over again. “Uh oh~ I think I’m gonna win!” Jeongguk cheers; giddiness washing over him as he works to get to the end.

“Nooo~ That’s n-not, ah, fair!” Whining, you grip the mouse tighter as Seungcheol raises the setting on the toy again, watching as you rub your thighs together at the feeling.

hoshi_tiger_xx: sadly nothings fair in the gaming world babe

hoshi_tiger_xx has donated $50

dtsug__a has donated $50

dtsug__a: cute for thinkin so tho

“I don’t th--think I can, hah, c-catch up...” You moan. Your character on screen falls over one more time and all you hear is Seungcheol’s small ‘tsk’ under his breath as he sets the vibrator to the highest setting and leaves it there.

It doesn’t take long before the vibrations prove to be too much for you and you let go of the keyboard and computer mouse as your hands ball up into fists on top of the table.

The pleasure washes over you in sharp pin pricks; small whines and whimpers falling from your lips as your eyes completely clamp shut.

Jeongguk lets out a surprised noise at the way the donations and comments almost make the screen lag and for the first time, his character on screen falls over at his split second loss of focus.

“Ah, fuh--fuck!” You start to squirm once the pleasure starts to bleed into overstimulation and Seungcheol is quick to respond, “You’re gonna cum one more time as punishment for giving up, sweetheart.”

alphagyu97: ooo she's in troubleeee

gentleman_josh95: ahhh daddy still has to punish you after all

seokGENIE: damn is this what this channels abt? this is hot

artist8hao: babygirl always misbehaves

chwenon: she seems to like it too much 😏

dtsug__a: hooooo shit, thats hot

“It’s n-not my f-fault, hah, JK is j-just good at g-gaming...” You mumble.

Jeongguk manages to get to level 30 within the time you sit and grind against the toy; small noises of excitement falling from his lips as he cheers for himself!

“Aww, poor baby. Maybe you’ll focus a bit better next time, hmm?”

You nod frantically as a small tear slips down your cheek and your lips part in a breathy moan. “God, I--I’m c--cumming!”

Your body locks up, ears ringing as you cum one more time. Seungcheol wishes he could work you through it; hands massaging your skin as you take your pleasure or thrusting his cock into you as he chased his high with you.

Instead he watches from across you as your body twitches as your face contorts in unadulterated bliss, licking his lips the entire time with images of what could’ve been dancing behind his eyelids.

Jeongguk watches as the donations far surpass what the two of you made on his channel; brows disappearing into his poofy head of hair. “Wow, uh, y’all seem to really like it when she gets punished, huh?” He mutters under his breath.

“Don’t you?” Seungcheol teases.

“Truuuuue.”

A garbled moan has both of their attention on you as you try to shy away from the toy still vibrating against your overly sensitive clit. “Ah, ‘m too sen--sensitive now...” You cry.

Seungcheol turns the toy off completely as your chest heaves in deep breaths; pouting at the fact he wasn’t able to enter the camera frame to take care of you.

Jeongguk grimaces slightly at the way your body sways in tiredness next to him, unsure of what to do next now that he’d won.

“Haha, um, medic?”

#cherrybomb!cheol #seungcheol smut #scoups smut #seventeen smut #svt smut #scoups scenarios #scoups imagines #seungcheol imagines #seungcheol scenarios #seventeen scenarios #svt scenarios #seventeen imagines #svt imagines #svt fic #seventeen fic #scoups #seungcheol

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loveseungs · 6 years ago

Text

stray kids reacting to you waking them up by kissing them all over their face

requested by anon

a/n: oh hell very nice

warnings: very soft things ahead read @ ur heart’s own risk

chan

- o heck - o goodness - where even do u start - he’ll prolly be passed the heck out if he even gets the chance to sleep - so like,, u’d often avoid tryna wake him up - esp caus we ALL KNO HE NEEDS IT,,, LIKe,,, - anyway - but he already slept for a good 10 hours and u know he needed to be somewhere so u hopped over to the side of the bed n started showering channie in kisses - just!! some soft n innocent pecks all over his face - his eyes slowly flutter open n he’s kinda confused for 5 secs but when he realizes he’s being,, showered in love n affection… the BIGGEST smile appears on his face - ok u know the face chan makes when he smiles rlly big where his eyes sorta disappear and he giggles a lil bit while smiling - fricfricfricfric abort mission as a chan stan im attacking myself - he’s just grinning like a fool and ur beginning to get flustered so u stop - he takes this opportunity to smooch ur nose - “good morning, sunshine!”

woojin

- i’d like 2 imagine u often fall asleep cuddling woojin bc he’s The Bear of the Century - he’s just… v v v warm and soft - but one time u guys fell asleep on the couch after watching some good ol’ romcoms, buried in each other’s arms - u were very much asleep but the sun kinda hit ur eyes as it seeped through the curtains and u woke up, feeling a little bit of weight on ur waist - u realized woojin was still snuggled into u - ajdlkasjdklajlkdajsl ur heart was melting wow what does it feel like 2 wake up smothered under the snuggles of the love of ur life - u shifted ur postion to plant tiny kisses all over his face bc ksjaldjlaksjldaj kim woooooooojin - like he was already awake bc u shifted in ur position but he decided to pretend he was sleeping so he could receive more kisses - kim woojin is a sly lil’ fricker ʕ •ᴥ• ʔʕ •ᴥ• ʔ - when woojin opened his eyes suddenly and smiled his Woojin SmileTM,, u almost fell out of the couch - “ur awake!!!” u exclaimed, covering ur face - “yes, I am,” he answered, pulling u into a close hug - suddenly ur face was like - 0.5 cm away from his n jkdslkdalsdjklasjdlka - he rested his forehead on urs so he could stare into your eyes,, which he thought were just. ugh. So heckn beautiful - “I didn’t expect to be woken up in such a pleasant way,” he admits, letting his eyes linger on yours.

minho

- ughhh I feel like minho loves this sorta thing - k so like - minho took one glance at his cats and decided that he was jealous of them bc they were sleeping so peacefully - so he decided, ‘yknow,, I’m going to take a good, well-deserved nap.’ - thing is - he forgot u were coming over to hang - when u got to his house, u saw minho just,, paSSED OUT on the couch - lmao me - u were just gonna let him sleep more for a bit caus g00dness knows he is in need of rest - but soonie and doongie started to meow and paw at their empty bowls - smh minho,, feed ur siblings - so u kneel down beside the couch and attempt to wake minho up - but ofC NOT BEFORE PULLING OUT UR PHONE AND SNAPPING PICS OF THIS BAREFACED BEAUTY - usually people look decent sleeping,,, but minho was just,, OUT COLD LMAO - next time minho teased u,,, u had smth u could use against him (◕ ˬ ◕✿) - its not like u took pics bc he looked rlly cute and peaceful,,, like,,, um,,, TOTALLY NOT - anyway,, his cat-siblings were getting kinda hungry so u moved over n started 2 plant smol kisses on his face - he mumbled some incoherent strings of sounds, but ended up fluttering his eyes open - when he realized it was u pressing kisses on his face, he just grinned - “oh?” he teased. “can’t resist me, can you?” - but his confident demeanor couldn’t fool you. you saw his ears turn bright (and I mean BRIGHT) pink - “no, not really. It’s more for you because I know you like it so much.” - “so do it more, why don’t you?”

changbin - CHANGBIN FALLS ASLEEP EVERYWHERE AND ANYWHERE - JUST SAYING - LIKE,, HE’S THE MEMBER MOST OFTEN CAUGHT SLEEPING ON VLOG - so when you find him knocked out cold in the studio, you’re not even surprised - it’s supposed to be lunch break but the others made u go and get changbin, who they thought was still working on music prod - NO! HE’S ASLEEP - u walk towards the sleeping boy and kiss the top of his head!! - ughh he smells good - a natural, fruity scent - wow seo changbin. just marry me - u make ur way from his hair to his forehead, then to the tip of his nose, then his cheeks - u were even considering giving him a short peck on the lips but u were interrupted bc those lips u wanted 2 kiss started to turn upwards into a smile - his eyes were closed but u could tell he was awake n u started 2 kinda get flusterd bc ‘O NO CHANGBIN CAUGHT ME BEING SOFT’ - expecting some kind of witty remark about his handsomeness, you brace yourself… only to find… - changbin looking at u with such a tender gaze - asklajdlksjdklad reader,, - he is so in love with you. - his eyes say it all: the way he stares at you so delicately is proof that he, seo changbin, is deeply, madly in love with you. - “So… are you gonna continue and kiss me on my lips? I mean… it’s too late to stop now.”

hyunjin

- LSJADLSDJLKASJDLKASJDAS HWANG HYUNJIN IS WHIPPED FOR KISSES - like honestly - he loves receiving kisses just as much as he loves giving them - this is actually how he wakes u up quite often—by smothering u in lil’ smooches - HE MAKES SURE HIS LIPS ARE ALWAYS IN PERFECT CONDITION BC HE N E E D S TO BE SURE THAT WHOEVER RECEIVES HIS KISSES LOVE THEM - and o my hell, u rlly do - but one time, you wake up and he’s still asleep, cuddling his pillow - this is when u decide to turn the tables and for the first time… pepper him in kisses - just. all over his face - but wait. U wanted 2 make sure they were The Best,, so u even took an extra step and quietly made ur way to the bathroom to brush ur teeth - THE LEAST U COULD DO WAS KISS HIM SMELLING DECENT, ALRIGHT - anyway, u crawled into bed again and started to smooch him all over his face - u just - admired every single one of his facial features and kissed them - he woke up with a sleepy giggle and before u knew it,, u were the one being smothered in kisses - “I see you’re trying to use my tricks on me. That’s so adorable.” - EVERY TIME I IMAGINE SLEEPY HYUNJIN I KINDA DIE A LITTLE BC SLEEPY!HYUNJIN ON CAMERA’S REALLY REALLY CUTE henlp im soft - bonus: on days hyunjin is especially hard to wake up, you do end up kissing him but he replies with the most obscure things - you: smooches him - him: “please don’t tell me they ran out of chicken”

jisung

- listen - anything u do to jisung makes him weak - he’s just so - HE LOVES!! AFFECTION - he’s constantly asking u if u could meet up - I mean, in regards to ur schedules - bc he rlly enjoys being w u !! - and u love 2 be with him - Saturday nights became hangout night for u two - usually u’d go shopping or take a walk in the part - sometimes even just go on spontaneous trips to far away - but tonight, yall jus wanted to stay in - the weather has been cold lately, so yall opted to jus snuggle and watch Netflix - it was already quite late when ur movie finished and by the time it did, jisung was sleeping on ur shoulder - ‘ah.. he must be tired,’ you thought, examining his face - he looked,,, so tranquil, so calm… - what a rare moment bc we all know he’s rlly l o u d - but ur shoulder was starting to hurt and u wanted to make sure u could sleep comfortably - “jisung,” you whispered, planting a kiss on his forehead. “wake up… the movie’s over and I don’t want to sleep sitting down.” - he stirred a little bit, but his eyes remained closed - “jisuuuuungggg…” you mumbled, “if you don’t wake up, I’m going to kiss you.” - he’d woken up already, but seeing as you made such an offer, he mustered all his strength not to smile and pretended he was asleep - you sighed and smooched his cheeks. “jisuuung, wake up.” - “no,” he said quietly. “if I do, you won’t kiss me.” - gosh darn fellas which kdrama is this - why am I writing such cheesy things,,, I actually apologize - “can we please not sleep sitting down??? My back hurts, okay??” you requested, slapping jisung’s squirrel cheeks playfully. - “okay, but you have to wake me up like that again tomorrow.”

felix

- one word: - disaster - absolute calamity - rule 1: don’t make lee felix’s heart melt or else - but like - u, dear reader, are a rule breaker - anyway - ur neighbors w/ felix so u can easily just barge into his house n wake him up for school - and that’s what’d happen anyway - you guys would wake up, wake each other up, get ready, then head out together - it was just an average morning, and u went over to felix’s house like usual - his mom kindly let u inside and thanked u for always taking time to wake her mess of a son up - “it’s my pleasure,” you answered, heading to his room - sdjaklsdjlaskdjal did I ever mention - felix is THE BIGGEST KID ever - sometimes, it’s hard to spot him on his bed because there are like,,, - A LITERAL MOUNTAIN OF PLUSHIES - and some of them are really big - so u walk over to him and in the whirlpool of stuffed toys, you spot his face - its kinda funny how he’s sprawled out on his bed tho - if u took out the blanket, u’d see his limbs just,, everywhere - so when I say he’s sprawled out, he’s really sprawled out - gosh was this what u were gonna deal with in the married life??? - anyway u went to just smack him in the head w a pillow - like usual - but then for some reason - his face looked extra cute today - maybe it was the plushies - maybe its just because he’s sleeping - you knew rule 1 said: don’t make lee felix’s heart melt or else - but !! the way !! he was !! lying there !! - u could not resist and u kissed every single freckle on his face - “wake up, sleepyhead,” you whispered, running a hand through his hair - when he woke up and realized what was happening - he s c r e a m e d - rip headphone users - yall know how he screamed when changbin kissed him in the survival show, right?? - yeah, THAT, but 10x more wild - he just let out a ghastly scream and fell off the bed,, - wrapped himself in his blanket - “felix!!” you exclaimed, “what’s wrong??” - “STOP!! IT’S TOO EARLY TO BE IN LOVE WITH YOU, [Y/N]!!!!!!”

seungmin

- he’s not the biggest person on skinship - I mean yeah he was cool with it but it wasn’t something he’d search for every second - homeboy’s jus chill - he’s a very diligent boy who believes that rest is v impt so he always makes sure to sleep early so he can wake up early - so usually its him who wakes u up with a gentle pat and a kind “good morning!” - but one time, u find out that he’s out late because minho insists that skz extends practice for a little bit - that little bit turned into a p LONG WHILE - totally not bc they fooled around during practice,,, lmao… what r u talking about - anyway, long story short, seungmin gets home late,, but he doesn’t rlly care bc it’s a weekend after - he finds u already asleep and though he’s disappointed he can’t talk to u now, he settles in to just cuddle u until he falls asleep - when u woke, u were surprised to feel a weight on ur waist - aaaand there it was folks, a seungmin in slumber - aaaaaaahhh u were lowkey shocked bc!!! Seungmin !! was cuddling u!! - rare - u felt very thankful and happy that seungmin had u tight in his arms - for a while, u just laid in bed and thought about how much u loved this boy - soft morning hours = very open - it wasn’t until he shuffled and turned to the other side of the bed when u decided to wake him up so u could have breakfast - u decided to kiss seungmin all over his beautiful face !! - when he woke up, he frowned… - “…ew, [y/n]. you’re so cheesy.” - u scrunched ur nose. “mmm? You don’t like it?” - “no, not really,” he answered, leaning to kiss you on the lips.

jeongin

- ASDFGHJKL OKAY SO LIKE - highschool!au real quick hope u don’t mind - u were dating jeongin for quite some time - and u were v v v v v happy with it !! he treated u very well - whenever u’d go out, he’d always be rlly considerate - lmao the first time u went out,,, he bought a nice jacket that ur friends said u found cute on guys - he TRIED to impress u, and u couldn’t help but laugh bc the tag of the jacket was still on the back, which means he must’ve only bought the jacket in attempts to make u swoon or smth - anyway - u were really in love with his sweet boy - this sweet boy… who u wanted to surprise after his chorale practice - but as the evening crept in closer, u started to worry - where was jeongin?? - he wasn’t in the practice room - u checked everywhere !!! and he wasn’t there!!! - u even shot him a message but he didn’t reply - ur last stop was the library, and lo and behold - homeboy fell asleep on his books - we stan a hardworking student folks - u couldn’t help but giggle - shaking him lightly, u mumbled, “hey jeongin… wake up, it’s late and the library’s about to close.” - all he did was move his head and stir a little bit - his bangs covered his eyes a little, and u decided to brush them off… - … A MISTAKE - suddenly he looked RLLLLLLY MCHECKIN’ CUTE - oh dear oh no - ur cheeks flushed and u didn’t know what to do - asdfghjkl u SORTA RLLY WANTED TO KISS HIM - u don’t know what washed over u, but in a sec, u were peppering kisses on this sleeping boy’s face - his eyes flickered open and as he felt your lips brush against the skin on his face,,, - his cheeks became tinted with strawberry red - his ears??? PINK AS THE DAY - HE COULDN’T EVEN SPEAK PROPERLY - “t-thank you for kissing me!!!!” was all he could say before melting in his seat.

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thedailystudy · 5 years ago

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04/11/19 • 100/100 DAYS OF PRODUCTIVITY // one hundred out of one hundred my dudes!!!!! this is a print by ashley lukashevsky in the transfer center here and it is, you know, very sweet and i thought a fitting way to cap this off. i started this thing a hundred days ago in july, four hundred miles away and in the thick o’ summer! it’s now almost winter, i’m in week six of the fall quarter at UCLA, and a lot has changed over this thing. i’m real glad i did this and stuck to it - it’s helped me look for the things i did in the day rather than feeling like the days just slip by. now that it’s over i don’t think i’ll post daily, but i’ll keep the encouragement to take photos and make art and feel good about myself and what i did :)

went to the gym

attended my philosophy lecture (we also got our essays back and i got a 95 on mine!! my first paper here and i am so chuffed with that grade! am promptly sent crashing back down to earth bc our next paper is due in four days lmao what did we do to deserve this quarter calendar)

outlined my philosophy paper (due friday and 35% of my goddamn grade)

made an appt with an ob/gyn here (i’m trying to find doctors and stuff like that in the area since i’m new here.. i want to have them ready in case something eventually goes wrong u kno)

scheduled my group interview to be a tour guide (i got past the first round with the application and now there’s a group interview and hopefully an individual interview.. fingers crossed guys i hear it’s like super super hard to get this job)

did some lite (and i rly mean lite) work on political theory

#100 days of productivity #studyblr #studyspo #student #ucla #tds

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thehyperkraken · 6 years ago

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EDIT: yall idk why the actual fic isnt showing up in the tags but this shit is, bc thats literally the opposite of what i wanted, but for the love of god read the fic first and/or instead, that’s the thing i spent more than 20 minutes on: [link]

Hey random idea dump for that one fic i done did yeehaw... it’s almost longer than the fic itself but jesus christ i need to get these ideas out of my head and throw them into the internet ether, seriously don’t read this its a goddamn mess

So ghjkdf the actual plotty part of that fic came from that one b99 bit... the Bone one.....u kno

Arthur: Come on, Dutch. The O'Driscolls thing isn't the problem. You're in a bad mood because you've been so busy planning this heist that it's keeping you and Hosea apart. You two just need to bone. John: Oh no... Dutch: ...What did you say? John: Don't say it again! Arthur: I said you two need to bone. John: Oh my god... Dutch: (with barely contained fury) Hhhhhow Dare you Arthur Morgan, I am thIS GANG'S LEADER!!! You have NO RIGHT to comment on my sex life— (5 minutes later) Dutch, standing on top of a table screaming: BONE?!?!?! (10 minutes later) Dutch: What happens in my bedroom, son, is NONE of your business— (20 minutes later) Dutch, jumping up and down on the table: BOOOOOOONE!!!!!!!!! (40 minutes later) Dutch: And don't EVER speak to me like that AGAIN! (storms off) John, sunken down in his chair in horror: Why the hell did you do that? Arthur: (shrugs) They need to bone. John: Gross, Arthur! That's our dads!

And then like a day later gfdhkg

John: Oh hey Dutch! I know you don't want to talk about Hosea, BUT, I had an idea— Dutch: No need, John, it's all good. John: So... your fight with Hosea is over? Dutch: Yep. John: Because you finally figured out a plan for the heist...? Dutch: Nope! Arthur, excitedly: Because you guys—? Dutch: Yyyyep! Arthur, looking smug: Knew it. John: Ugh... Arthur: (leans down close to him) See, what happened is, our dads had sex— John: UGH, SHUT UP!

Another inspiration I had was John Mulaney’s bit about zoning out for John with adhd,,,,, the part where he’s like “the doctor was reading me the results of a blood test, it was IMPORTANT that I LISTENED, but NO, I zoned out, I was like, I’m just gonna stare at the wall and think m’thoughts” that’s why I wrote the part where John was like “ehhh attention deficient something something disease” bc it made me laugh gjhggdjh

Dutch: so the doctor says you have ADHD John: (thinking about minecraft) what?

Also unrelated but blease consider Arthur teaching John to drive like

Arthur: are you watching the road? John: ........I am looking through the windshield Arthur: John: .......and I’m not gonna hit anyone...... Arthur: John: ....but no. I’m thinkin’ about minecraft

(Also I don’t know anything about ssb I’ve played it once and hated it, minecraft is my og video game love, but Abigail beating John at ssb is funnier, I’m a fake gamer boy :^( rip)

ONE MORE INSPIRATION THAT ONE VINE ITS MY FAVORITE VINE

Arthur: are you drinking coke for breakfast? John: yeah, what did you have for breakfast? Arthur: ........nothing John: (sipping his drink) I’m doing better than you, then

Anyway onto ACTUAL IDEA STUFF HOORAY

So when Dutch and Hosea decided to adopt, they agreed they wanted to take in kids who needed good homes the most, so they were specifically looking for older kids who would probably age out of the system and wind up on the streets

They met Arthur who was a clearly depressed and gender non conforming thirteen year old who hated everyone and everything and wasn’t getting the Love he Deserved, and Dutch was like “I want THAT ONE, with the SAD EYES”

Arthur tried to push them away at first, cuz he absolutely didn’t trust anyone, and some part of him believed they’d just give him right back up for adoption if he disappointed them in any way. But he eventually learned that they were good guys who really just wanted to help him, and they weren’t gonna abandon him if he wasn’t the perfect kid they always wanted

(he probably told them about this fear eventually and Hosea just snorted and was like “if we wanted a perfect kid we woulda got a cabbage patch doll. something that wouldn’t scream or make a mess” and Dutch was like “yeah! or like a 27 year old with a job and their own house and kids of their own. pre-made grandkids” and Hosea was like “or a cat” and Arthur was like “...okay”)

Anyway it took a loooong time but Arthur eventually trusted them enough to come out to them as trans, without really knowing the proper words for everything, just knowing that He Is A Boy And That’s That. As much as Hosea is the one the lads go to to talk about stuff and get comfort and Wise Dad Advice, he probably told Dutch first bc he was more uncertain how he’d respond and he wanted to get it over with in the worst way possible.... like, if they were gonna react badly, heap all the bullshit on in one fell swoop

I imagine he did it off the cuff too, in response to something Dutch said, like Dutch was like “u get back here right now young lady” and Arthur was like “first of all I’m not a lady, I’m a BOY, and second of all FUCK you, I do what I WANT” and Dutch was like “groovy. you’re grounded.” Arthur was like (offended) “don’t say groovy... don’t try to be hip” and Dutch was like “no it’s totally tubular that ur a boy. It’s absolutely funky. You’re fucking grounded though”

Then he went and told Hosea like “congrats! it’s a boy” and they helped him transition and they didn’t tolerate a single person misgendering him the whole time. Like before he’s even begun transitioning, they’re literally at the doctors office to discuss it w/ their doc for the first time, and a nurse is like “ms. morgan?” And Dutch is like “INCORRECT” and the doctor is like “what seems to be the problem (deadname)?” and Dutch is like “FOOL! THIS CHILD WAS LABELED INACCURATELY, WE REQUIRE A GENDER RETRACTION” and Hosea’s like “please stop yelling”

Anyway probably about a year later they got John when he was ten and Arthur was fifteen. Arthur was a little bit jealous like, wow, am I not enough kid for u, but Dutch and Hosea always planned on getting at least two bc they wanted them to have siblings, and they know John came from a pretty abusive situation, so Arthur can’t be too mad at him. At least until he met John and realized what a fucking brat he is

Since John was younger and way more desperate for affection, he immediately loved Dutch and Hosea just bc they were nice to him, he was ready to call them his dads within the month but he was nervous that it was too soon and they’d be weirded out. But I imagine he got triggered by something and had a meltdown and they got to see just a glimpse of what he’d been through, and Dutch and Hosea were falling over themselves trying to comfort him and tell him they love him and now I’m making myself cry :’^(

Anyway... from that point on John was like “these are the only dads I’ve ever had and I would kill a man for them.” He gets in trouble quite a bit bc he’s Naughty, but Dutch and Hosea always make sure to punish him fairly and never yell or be physically intimidating with him or permanently take away his stuff, like they make him do chores to earn back the right to use the xbox or something. And they always explain to him exactly what he did wrong and why he’s being punished and talk to him about how he can make it better or what he can do next time, or if there’s a root problem, like he’s acting out bc he’s overwhelmed with school work or smthn, how they can help him. Especially after he gets diagnosed with ADHD

And of course they do all this with Arthur too, but they make a special concerted effort with John bc he’s The Baby :^) and Dutch somehow maintains an attitude of “idk what ur talking about, John has never done anything wrong ever in his life” every time he gets in trouble meanwhile Hosea is like “what do you MEAN, he’s a GREMLIN” fjfjfhhf

Arthur was probably diagnosed with depression and anxiety at some point... it was probably a long process to get him to even admit he had a problem bc he didnt wanna bother anyone... Arthur also probably came from an abusive situation from the way canon Arthur talks about his dad, but Arthur is much more the type to be like “i’m gonna keep all my feelings inside, and then one day, i’ll die” whereas John is like “i will SCREAM if i get a papercut”

[EDIT: i woke up in a cold sweat at 4 AM with this in my head so now i’m putting it here

Charles: So, Arthur... Do you wanna talk about your feelings? Arthur: No. John: I do! :) Charles: ...I know, John. John: I’m sad! :) Charles: I know, John.

i’m sure it’s been done before but it’s so good. ok now back to our regularly scheduled programming]

In regards to Arthur being trans, John doesn’t really Get It, Arthur tried to explain it to him once and John couldn’t care less, all he knows is Arthur used to be a girl or something, there’s tea involved probably, and John is thinking about minecraft again... he has 2 am thoughts about it sometimes and comes to Arthur like “what IS gender” and Arthur’s just like “hm. big mood”

Dutch is “Dad” and Hosea is “Papa” or “Pa” or “Pops” or “Dad, No Not You, The Other One” or “Other Dad.” Hosea really doesn’t mind at all, he wouldn’t care if the kids called him Hosea or mom or anything else, it truly isnt important to him. But Dutch Loves being Dad. Every time they call Dutch Dad he grows three times stronger and 10 years are added to his lifespan. Dutch is an Alpha Parent, he 100% goes to every parent teacher conference and bake sale, he’d go to every game and concert too if either of his kids had a single athletic or musical bone in their dumb little bodies. I guess the school probably hosts art galleries sometimes to display art the kids make, Arthur always has a drawing in one of those, and Dutch will absolutely go just to brag about his cool son.

Dutch is the Fun Energetic Dad who embarrasses the boys in front of their friends but can always be talked into taking them out to get ice cream. Hosea is the more quietly anxious dad, he makes sure they do their homework and keep their rooms clean and shit, and he's the one the kids always go to talk to when they’re having problems... like Arthur will rant for an hour and a half about high school drama and Hosea will patiently listen to all of it and when he's done he’ll offer to kick the other kids’ asses for him, and Arthur’s like lmao but Hosea Means It.

Hosea is also the one the kids go to for help on their homework because Hosea and Dutch have five brain cells between them, and four of them belong to Hosea. Dutch is like “suddenly I don’t remember basic math, time to make shit up” and Hosea is like “I must become an expert on 1820s Chinese history in two days for my beautiful sons”

I have NO idea what either of their jobs are, I wanna say Hosea is a lawyer or smthn but idk, Dutch is probably like......................a used car salesman LMAO...... they clearly make a lot of money (or maybe STOLE SOME) bc I gave them a huge house w/ a pool gjhkdhg

Anyway more about THE KIDS

They go to a school that is a combination middle school and high school, bc that’s what my school was like

Mrs. Grimshaw is the strict and irritable principal with a secret soft spot for kids, Mr. Pearson is the cafeteria cook, Strauss works in the office, I wanna say Rev. Swanson is a weird but friendly janitor or something lmao. Uncle is Dutch & Hosea’s annoying forever-drunk neighbor who everyone barely tolerates fjfjhfh

Micah is The School Bully but like bc this is a cutesy high school au and I can do what I want, he’s not actually like a violent racist or anything he’s just a bad mad sad kid who is a huge dick

Bill is Micah’s Bully Henchman, he’s generally not as much of a dick as Micah is, but he punches whoever Micah asks him to bc they are the closest thing to friends that either of them have

Trelawny is a new student who just moved from another school and he’s that fucking Weird Magician Kid who can’t hold a conversation longer than five seconds without saying “wanna see a magic trick,” tried to do some unimpressive card tricks for the school talent show, unironically wears a cape, etc.... Arthur stood up for him when he was getting pushed around by Micah and Bill so now Arthur has +1 more weird friend

Karen is the Popular Girl who somehow knows everyone, is probably a cheerleader, everyone is either extremely intimidated by her or thinks she’s gonna be a stuck up bitch, but she’s actually just super fucking chill and nice, WILL stab a man for her friends, she won’t hesitate bitch

Tilly is Karen’s bff who was getting bullied by *shakes fist* those dang foreman brothers.... Karen stood up for her and Tilly was like “no don’t u will get hurt!!” and Karen was like “ha... fool... cheerleaders cannot die” and whooped ass with her gymnastics skills and somehow got the foreman brothers expelled. So now Tilly is like “I owe u one (1) Life Debt” but Karen is like “nah it’s chill just come to target w/ me & we’ll call it even.” Tilly is just tryna get shit done and do her damn homework but everybody else is going on adventures and being nuisances so of course Tilly has to go too bc come on....... who do you take her for, some kinda two-bit GEEK? NO WAY

Mary Beth is a quiet nerdy girl who’s always reading or writing and never talks in class or anything. Karen and Tilly became her friends thru sheer brute force, Karen just sat by her one day n was like “sup” and Mary Beth was too shy to ask her to leave. They were surprised to discover Mary Beth is actually pretty nice and funny when you get to know her and also the Biggest Lesbian Alive

Sadie is a BAD BITCH... NOBODY fucks with Sadie, not even Micah, Sadie is the girl who when some dipshit boy spreads a rumor that he had sex with her, she agrees and tells everyone she pegged him and he cried after, she hasn’t given a fuck since 2007. she climbs on the roof to get lost frisbees. one time she got the gym coach to agree to give her an automatic A in the class if she did 100 push ups in 5 minutes. Then she Did That. She might have pulled several muscles in both of her arms but She Did That. Karen, Tilly, and Mary Beth (but mostly Karen) approached her like “damn that was sick” and Sadie was like “yea i know” and then they were friends

I literally don’t know anything about Sean I’m sorry...... maybe he’s a transfer student who becomes friends with John, they play Minecraft together and Sean boobytraps the houses John builds. Sean is the only living human being who understands how redstone works and he uses his powers for evil

Molly is going to a nearby community college and is working at the high school part time as a TA and she is like 19-20 or smthn so the kids all think she’s The Hottest Shit,,,, like they think she’s just the coolest hippest person alive, but also she is Very Attractive so fuckin everybody has a crush on her, most specifically Javier and Mary Beth. She ineptly tries to flirt with Dutch every time he comes to a parent teacher conference bc she’s dummy thicc and thinks it’s friendship goals that Dutch lives with and has adopted children with his Best Bud Hosea

The teacher Molly is TA for is Charles Chatenay, an all-grades art teacher who takes his job WAY too seriously, like dude chill they’re high schoolers. His class is where Arthur met Albert, bc Arthur loves drawing and obviously Albert loves photography. They were both like “wow he’s cute” but were too shy to talk to each other for more than basic pleasantries, until one day Albert’s Big Project was ruined a day or two before he was gonna turn it in, and Arthur helped him fix it.

They’re so sweet on each other it’s unbearable, they’re both Soft Boys so they fuckin blush if they make eye contact...... the most bold either of them get is when Arthur is feeling insecure about his body and Albert gladly tells him how perfect and handsome he is in every way, and he wishes he was half as gorgeous as Arthur is, and Arthur is like (offended) um, excuse me, how dare u insult my beautiful boyfriend in this way?? They both wanna grow beards so while they’re still going thru Changes they excitedly bond over their facial hair......... they run up to each other at school like LOOK AT MY NEW CHIN HAIR and the other one is like WOW!!! GOOD JOB

Javier has a big lovely family who spoil him rotten and tbh love to spoil his friends when they come over too, his parents are in a constant and devastating game of dish-gifting with Dutch & Hosea, Arthur and John have eaten more of Mr. & Mrs. Escuella’s tamales than any other food, neither Dutch nor Hosea are very good cooks but luckily Javier has plenty of aunts and uncles and cousins who are happy to occasionally take one of their unimpressive lasagnas or cakes from a box mix

Lenny’s cool dad in canon is the high school au dad of Charles and Lenny, he and Charles’s mom amicably divorced and he got remarried to Lenny’s mom, who is a Cool Stepmom to Charles. Charles and Lenny go stay with Charles’s mom all the time, in fact she was around so much when they were younger that she practically helped raise them both. maybe she gets a gf and Charles and Lenny have so many moms and are so loved & cherished like they fuCKIN DESERVE

Kieran is the weird horse girl at school, he’s Lenny’s age, they become friends when they’re forced to sit next to each other and they’re both too awkward and shy to say anything until they’re paired up on a project together bc everyone else in the class already paired up and they were the only ones left gjkhfd.... John wants to dislike Kieran bc Lenny is HIS friend now, but Kieran is a sweet lad with a mean dad.... His dad is Colm O’Driscoll, Dutch & Hosea’s other neighbor and Dutch’s sworn enemy

Dutch expects Kieran to be as shitty as his dad, but he is a SWEET BOY, and as soon as they realize his situation, they tell Kieran he can come over whenever he wants and spend the night any time, he doesn’t have to ask or anything, but Kieran is super respectful and always asks permission and always tries to come over when John or Arthur are there so he can go under the pretense of hanging out with them, bc he doesn’t wanna intrude...

Once he came over when Hosea was the only one home and he was like “hi Mr. Matthews are John and Arthur home” and Hosea was like “no sorry they’re out” and Kieran was like “oh... ok sorry I’ll just go then” and Hosea was like “absolutely not” and brought Kieran in and made him snacks and wrapped him in many blankets and watched a kids movie with him until he fell asleep on the couch... when Dutch came home he was like “??? new son ???” and Hosea was like “yea I guess. oops”

When Kieran gets older they help him become an emancipated minor and get a job and his own place (even tho he knows they’d let him stay with them if he wanted) and he changes his last name to his mom’s maiden name Duffy... Colm and Dutch glare at each other over their fences and Colm is like “enjoying stealing my son?” and Dutch is like “my son now” but Colm really doesn’t care bc he’s an asshole... and even tho they don’t legally adopt him, Kieran’s like “I’m more of a Van der Linde than an O’Driscoll” and oops i’m making myself cry again :’)

And yes Abigail does eventually teach John how to play stupid super smash bros. She’s Pro Gamer level of competent at nearly all video games and John has the biggest heart eyes for her, the end thank u for listening

#the suffering of john marston. 13 #filler tag 1 #filler tag 2 #morgason #trans arthur morgan #vandermatthews #rdr2

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storyteller15 · 6 years ago

Text

Chapter Four: The Unexpected

The sudden bump from the private jet's heavy landing startles me awake.

I yawned and stirred my body around. Ugh, I don't want to get up yet. I want to sleep more for crying out loud. Last night, I decided to sleep on the long leather sofa. Sleeping in a private jet is something that I wanted to cherish while it lasted. I let out a small groan. I felt so groggy and nauseous, that I had no choice but to wake up.

The jet finally came to a stop. It looks like I made it to Berdea. Reaching for my phone, I switched the airplane mode off. Today's Thursday, 7:59 AM. I’m right on schedule, and I'm ready to start my morning. Oh, I wonder what Berdea looks like. I sit up and leaned towards my window to get a quick view.

Suddenly, a Tsunderplane blocks my view, making me scream and fall back out of the couch. I quickly sat up to look at her from my window again.

"Quit staring at me like that, you sicko!" She shouts at me and takes off to the sky.

I blinked a few times, processing on what just happened. I get up in a luxurious jet plane and was greeted by a mechanical plane monster wearing a mob cap, who was blushing? I snickered and started laughing so hard. That was definitely not what I had in mind to start off my first day away from home. Although it was pretty entertaining.

It's pretty rare to see different race of monsters like Tsunderplane. Berdea is known as the biggest city in Auradon . I was told that Mount Ebott is twenty miles away from the city. I've always wanted to see it up close, despite the sad truth about the mountain.

Just then, my flight attendant appears to my side, looking peppy as ever.

"Good morning, Miss Zafrina," she greets me with a smile, she reminds me of Gretchen. "I assume you slept well?"

"Yes, I did. I've never felt more than relaxed before." I responded with a smile, not mentioning my surprised encounter with a Tsunderplane.

"I'm so glad to hear that! Anyway, we have arrived at your destination. You will meet up with the other Selected girls while you wait for the palace's royal chauffeur. Other than that, I would like to say how much of a privilege it was to serve and fly with you, Miss Zafrina! I'll be rooting for you!" She exclaims at me, making me blush.

"Thank you so much! It's also been a privilege on having you as my flight attendant."

I get up slowly, stretching my arms out before I gathered my cross-body bag and luggage. I nodded at the pilots as I leave the cockpit, walking down the stairs before I walked into the elevator that will take me inside the building.

The airport is packed with monsters and humans. I followed the signs to get to the place I needed to go. I rode down two escalators, walking towards an area where dozens of humans and monsters are boarding into a shuttle train. I quickly ran inside before the doors slid shut, slowly transporting us to the other side of the building.

The ride is surprisingly fast and exciting that I was literally bouncing on my heels. I felt like a kid again. It's no wonder kids enjoy riding on planes and trains. I held on to the steel pole to prevent my body from being pulled back by the train’s speed.

"Look, Mommy! It's the pretty girl that was on TV!" A little bear monster gushes to her mother.

"Janette! It's not nice to point at people." The mother sternly scolds her daughter.

I was puzzled and looked around. Is there another Selected girl in here? I was told that there should be four of them waiting for me. Unless, maybe her flight was delayed and had to land in Berdea late. I was trying not to think that she meant me. I really hate being in the spotlight. It's like you are asking everyone to pay attention to you.

"Excuse me, Miss?" I looked down, finding the little bear monster looking at me.

She looks so adorable, her fur was in a light chestnut color, wearing a small heart barrette on the left side her ear. She was wearing a pink coat decorated in flower patterns.

"I just wanted to say that you look much prettier than on TV!"

"Oh, thank you very much." I smiled at her blushing.

"Are you gonna win and marry Prince Asriel?" I nearly broke my smile, flabbergasted by her question and felt my cheeks heat up.

"I'm afraid that depends on the Prince." I gave her a gentle smile. "Whoever he picks among the thirty-five girls will surely become a great Queen someday. And besides, there are a lot of girls I have to compete against, so it'll be quite a challenge for someone like me."

The little bear monster started pouting. "Awww! But I want you to be the one."

"Janette! Manners, please! I'm so sorry if my daughter was bugging you. She loves to talk to random people, she's a social butterfly." The mother apologizes in her child's behalf.

"Oh, no. She gave me no trouble at all! We were just having a nice chat, and your daughter is very good at making interesting conversations." I promised.

The mother blushed at my comment and smiles at me. Just then, the shuttle train comes to a stop, sliding the doors open as everyone gets up to leave. That was a fast ride, not that I was surprised. It's an airport after all.

"Come along, dear. Our ride should be here soon, say goodbye to the kind Selected girl." The mother says to her before she looks at me, smiling. "Good luck in the Selection, my dear."

"Thank you, ma'am." I responded, feeling my cheeks heat up a little.

Janette looks up at me and gives me a warm smile. "Bye bye uh . . ."

"Zefie, you can call me Zefie."

"Ooh! That's a pretty name! Bye-bye, Zefie! I hope you win and marry the Prince! My mommy and I will be cheering you on until the end!" She waves me goodbye, following her mother.

I watched them go, chuckling to myself. I walked out of the shuttle train, repeating the words Janette told me. Do I really look that pretty enough to have Asriel marry me? I suddenly stopped thinking about it and quickly pushed those wishful thoughts to the side.

The personalities matter the most, I reminded myself. Sometimes pretty girls like Felicity got an ugly personality. I tried to be patient to see the goodness in her for thirteen years. And all this time, Felicity still remained the same. And that is why I stick to my belief. Maybe someday she will change for the better.

As I exited the airport, I finally meet the other Selected girls face-to-face. They were all standing there, waiting for the royal chauffeur. I swallowed hard, feeling my stomach twist into painful knots.

In an instant, I recognize one of the girls. Scarlet Wolf, standing tall and stoic with her long black hair tied into a ponytail, wearing a red bow tank top with black capris, and red high heels.

Bethany warned me to not be too friendly to the other girls. Since the Selection is a competition, she assumes that any friend you make will betray you, the moment you let your guard down. However, I wanted to be positive and keep an open mind.

I approached to the girls slowly and smiled. "Hello there, my name is—"

"Zafrina Alban? Yeah, I know ya." The girl with lavender-colored hair spoke first. "You're that chick with those purple eyes."

"Gosh, are they real?" The monster next to her, suddenly gets close to my face staring deeply into my eyes.

Her fur is a custard color, with short ears and a long bushy tail. And of course, her hair color is light cyan that goes well with her emerald eyes. Could she be a squirrel?

"U-uhm, yes they're real." I responded to the squirrel monster.

"Well, shucks! My name's Colleen!" The squirrel monster says.

"Delilah," The girl with the lavender hair joins in. "Colleen and I came from the same town, so we know each other, because we're friends."

"Ah, it's a pleasure to meet you both." I smiled shaking their hands, but Colleen squeals out as if my hand tickled against her fur.

I gasped, retracting my hand. "Oh no! I'm so sorry! Are you okay?"

"Of course, silly! I'm laughing, because of your soul. It's full of energy and warmth, that it sent me tingles down to the bone! Your magic is amazing!" She wiggles her fingers around as if they're imitating stars.

I was shocked, feeling my entire body froze from her comment.

"How do you kno—“

"Monsters can actually feel human souls." Delilah answers for Colleen. "And because you're a powerful Mage, your soul has twice the energy than a normal human’s. Which isn't a surprise, knowing that you're a descendant of the Alban family."

So, everyone does know about me and my real family. Nanny gave me a choice to change my last name, but I didn't want to. I was brave enough to keep my last name, because I can't change who I am. So, I decided to accept myself.

"Don't worry, that's all in the past." She reassures me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. "You're different from your real family, and I say, you're better off without them."

"Thanks, that means a lot to me." I smiled at her as Colleen joins in, hugging us.

"Yay! Group hug!" Colleen beams, and releases us.

The girl next to Scarlet walks towards me, smiling genuinely. "Don't forget about me, I'm Fiona Taylor."

"Hi, pleased to mee—" Fiona cuts me off by hugging me.

"Pleasure's all mine, Zafrina! I just hope we all become good friends along the way as we compete fair, and square." She says earnestly.

Scarlet lets out a small huff, that I don't think the other girls heard it. I slowly make my way towards her, but not too close as I plastered a small smile at her.

"Hello, Scarlet, It's nice to meet you." Her dark brown eyes focuses on mine, looking a little distraught.

"Hello, Zafrina." She moves her long bangs to the side, not showing any emotion.

So far, these girls are kind and funny. Of course, I'll have to FaceTime Bethany about them. I promised her an update once I reach the palace. Now that I've befriended Delilah, Colleen, Fiona, and I guess Scarlet; I'm sure I'll start off the competition smoothly.

Careful, Zefie. I can hear Bethany talking to me in my head. Keep an open mind, but don't get too comfortable around them.

Just then, a long black limo with two purple flags printed with the Delta Rune symbol on the back of the trunk parks to the side. Colleen lets out an excited squeal while Delilah places her hands over her hips. I quickly check my phone to realize that Bethany texted me. I grinned like a kid and begin to text back while the Royal chauffeur packs our luggage.

"Alright! Let's get going!" Colleen squeals in delight.

Delilah follows after her giving me a confident smile.

"Let's go, buddy," Fiona wraps her arm around me. "We wouldn't want to keep Mettaton and the royal family waiting!"

She lets go of me to follow them into the limo. I held on to the strap of my bag tightly. Right, to the castle. I head to the car, only to have Scarlet block me for a moment.

"If I were you, I would be careful on the people I trust as an ally." She says with a stern voice before she walked ahead of me.

I opened my mouth, but closed it. She has a point, I really need to be careful. I shook my head slowly. I swear, Scarlet is like another version of Bethany. Well, more of a stoic version.

I quickly catch up to Scarlet as we both climbed into the limo. The chauffeur closes the door after me, taking my seat between Delilah and Fiona. Colleen sat by the little parlor that contained sparkling cider, and water. She pops the bottle open, helping herself by filling up a glass cup. Scarlet takes her seat across from us, sitting alone and crosses her arms.

Finally, the chauffeur climbs into the driver’s seat and begins to drive away from the airport. Our final destination is at the palace. If I remember correctly, Claire told me that Mettaton will be the Royal planner. He will be waiting for all thirty-five of us presented at the castle for further instructions.

Some of the girls have a huge crush on him. On the other hand, Bethany thinks Mettaton is gay, because of the way he talks and dresses. Honestly, I just think he's just being himself. The media loves him.

"So, Zafrina," Fiona says, suddenly breaking the awkward silence. "What town, or city did you come from?"

"Aura Cove, it's located at the south end of Berdea." I responded proudly.

"Gosh, that's far away! I heard that place was where the Selkies originally came from." Colleen says, astounded.

My heart pinged with pain the second she mentioned the Selkies. Nanny . . .

"Selkies? Didn't they go extinct after the . . . You know." Delilah pressed her lips in a tight line, knowing that the war with the humans against the monsters was nothing but a painful past.

"Yeah, but rumor says that our King saved the last one, and she's his best friend. My parents did say that she's a powerful Selkie." Colleen answers Delilah, feeling my skin form goosebumps.

"Really? I didn't know that."

"Yeah, my grandfather met her once. She goes by the name, Runa Cordelia. Her last name means 'Jewel of the Sea.'"

"So, where do you think she is now?" Delilah leans forward, now interested in Colleen's knowledge about the 'last' selkie.

"Who knows? However, I did hear that she still sends letters to the King and Queen. Perhaps they will know."

My heart started racing, feeling my lungs suffocate it. Nanny doesn’t like to be the center of attention. Her entire race has been erased off the earth, leaving her as the only one to survive a cruel death. I used to think she didn't like being a Selkie.

When Bryn and I were still young, Nanny moved us to Aura Cove where she can live as a human. It's the only town where no one knows who she really is. Only King Asgore and Queen Toriel are the only ones that know she lives there. And until it's the right time, we can never let her secret out.

"Wow, Zafrina! Your town has amazing history. I'm so jealous." Fiona gushes, giving my hand a tight squeeze.

I blinked twice, and let out a nervous chuckle. "There's nothing to be jealous about. I just love living there."

For a second, I thought I saw Fiona crept an annoyed look. I shook my head. Maybe I'm just dizzy from all the excitement. I leaned my head back while the girls found another topic to discuss. In the corner of my eye, I found Scarlet staring at me, but she looked away before our eyes met.

"What about you two? Where did you guys come from?" She focuses on Delilah and Colleen.

"Oh, we're from Bluebell City." Colleen smiles brightly.

"Yeah, it's pretty big, our city has a reputation of growing bluebell flowers and some Echo Flowers." Delilah joins in.

I smiled, I love Echo Flowers. Sadly, we don't have any in Aura Cove. I hear that if you whisper something to the flower, it'll repeat whatever you say back.

"Well, as you know, I come from Altaria City." Fiona says, not waiting for any of us to ask her.

While the girls continued their conversation, I texted Bethany back. Berdea is five hours ahead of Aura Cove. I'm surprised she was up late at this hour. It's nine o'clock in Berea time, and Bethany's up at four in the morning in Aura Cove, just so she could check up on me. I felt crestfallen. I miss her already; Bethany's the only person who makes me feel comfortable.

"So, Zafrina, do you have a nickname you prefer us to call ya?" Delilah asks, bringing me back to reality.

"O-oh! Uh, Zefie. I prefer Zefie." I stuttered, feeling flustered.

"Ooh! I like that name, it means 'lovely lady,' right?"

"Yes, that's right."

"Well, you certainly are a lovely lady." Fiona comments, giving me a sincere smile.

My whole body was chilled to the bone. Something is a little off about her, but I don't know what it is. My gut did the same thing when Felicity was up to something before. I quickly pushed those thoughts to the side, I won't judge too soon, I have to keep an open mind.

"Ooh! I simply can't wait to meet Prince Asriel! He's so handsome and brave!" Colleen places both her hands over her cheeks to hide her blush.

"Well, that won't happen," Fiona cuts in, with a hint of disappointment in her voice.

"What?! Why?!" She whines, watching big fat tears form in the corner of her eyes.

"We don't meet them until tomorrow morning," Delilah pats her friend's arm. "Besides, what we do know is that once the thirty-five of us gets to the palace, Mettaton will handle things from there."

"Ooh . . ! Mettaton is quite the hottie, but the prince is who I'm after." Fiona fans herself.

"What about you, Scarlet? Don't you think Asriel's a hottie?" Colleen asks her, trying to include her.

"Why yes, yes he is." She responds, sounding swooned for a second.

Suddenly, my phone vibrates over my lap. I quickly check, only to find Bryn's text. Really? Even she’s up that early back at home, too? I guess she misses me, and I miss her even more.

"Is that your sister?" Fiona gapes at the picture of her.

"Ooh! Where? Where? I wanna see!" Colleen leans over to look over my phone too. "Wow! She's so pretty!"

"Are her breasts real?!" Delilah gapes too, forming a perfect 'o' with her mouth.

The picture I saved as Bryn's contact picture is just her smiling in a flirtatious way in her red sleeveless blouse, shaping her natural sized waist and breasts. I tried to find different pictures of her looking less flirty, but I gave up later on, because she insisted on me keeping it.

"Err, yeah. Her name is Bryn, and yes, they're actually real." I answered their questions, flabbergasted from their reactions.

Are girls really that shocked to see other girls breast size that intimidatingly big? It's just fat in our chest for crying out loud. I take a small glass from the parlor, pouring water inside.

"Well, damn," Delilah looks down at her chest, looking distressed. "Just by looking at your sister's boobies makes mine look a lot smaller!"

I nearly tipped my glass over, just hearing her say that. Colleen and Fiona burst out laughing at Delilah, watching her face turn red, as if she's some cartoon character that's about to blow off steam from her ears.

"Shut up! I'll have you know that girls with smaller boobs are attractive, too!"

Noted, Delilah is quite short-tempered.

"Oh, oh, oh!" Colleen shrieks, making us jump from our seat. "Guys, we're here!"

We all looked at the window as the limo drives past the open gates. I noticed a small sentry station over to the left side of the gate. For a second, I thought I saw a skeleton, wearing a blue zip up hoodie sleeping. Could that be one of the skeleton brothers Claire was talking about?

"Whoa, look at that." I looked at the direction Delilah was pointing.

Out in the palace courtyard is a big open field of soft looking grass, stretching up to two miles from the gates, to the palace. I can see some big golden flowers growing in the field, the road to the palace lined with lovely beds of different colored flowers. I notice some shrubs were finely cut in different shapes, and sizes until I found a rather interesting one. This bush is in a shape of a skeleton head. It was grinning happily as if it was meant to show how cool it looked.

The limo comes to a stop, which made Colleen and Fiona squeal as if they couldn't wait to get out. Delilah growled, tugging at her ear.

"Ya mind not screaming like idiots by my ear next time?!" She shoots them both a glare, but neither of them paid attention to her.

I quickly covered my mouth with my hand to hide my grin. My phone buzzes again, receiving an impatient text from my dear sister again for some details about my location. I twiddled my thumbs on the keypad as swiftly as possible, letting her know that I've reached the palace and will promise to text her later.

"Zefie, come on! Everyone's waiting!" Colleen calls out from outside.

Wha?! I notice I was the last one still in the limo, as I shuffled out the door, moving my hair to my left side. I gasped. towering above us is Berdea's palace, its height nearly intimidating. I wonder how many floors does it hold. Nanny did mention that King Asgore likes his castle to look a bit like a fourteenth-century style. However, now that they’re living on the surface, the royal family made their home into a palace.

"Ah! The last group are here!" A woman exclaims, coming out from the double doors of the palace. "Welcome, Ladies! Right this way please, we wouldn't want to keep Mettaton waiting."

Colleen was the first to follow, Delilah on her heels, then Fiona, and Scarlet. I take one quick glance at the beautiful scenery, noticing a huge greenhouse on the right side of the palace. How beautiful, I hope I get the opportunity to go look in there.

I walked up the steps, facing forward. There is no going back, I told myself. And in seconds, I walk through the big double doors, hearing it creak and close shut behind me.

I try my best to catch up with the others, allowing the nearby maids to carry my bag and luggage up to my room. I kept my phone inside my pocket just in case.

Down the wide hallway, I spotted the grand stairway that leads to the guest rooms, with two sets of elevators standing beside it. I wasn't sure how far the stairs and elevator goes, but maybe Mettaton will give a heads up about them. I looked around again, amazed by the architecture of the palace. Their beige colored tiles sparkled brilliantly, that I could see my own reflection.

I didn't look at where I was going as I bumped into a tall figure, making me fall back onto my ass with a loud thump. I let out a loud squeal, feeling my phone hit my ass twice as hard inside my pocket.

"Eek! Oh no! I'm so terribly sorry! I didn't watch where I was going!" I quickly apologized, flushing red in embarrassment for being so clumsy.

Just then, a red glove was lowered in front of me. "WHOOPSY DOOPSY! ARE YOU ALRIGHT, HUMAN!?" The voice asks, unabashedly shouting, but was filled with concern.

I blinked a few times, carefully placing my hand over it as the person carefully pulled me up.

"T-thank you," I looked up and gasped, finding a tall skeleton.

He was wearing a strange outfit that some superheroes wear, having a red raggedy scarf wrapped around his neck that made him look heroic.

"YOU ARE MOST WELCOME!" He beams proudly. "WHICH IS WHY I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, IS ALWAYS HERE TO HELP THOSE IN DISTRESS!"

He looks familiar. The way he grins suddenly made me realize something. The shrub from outside the palace, that's him? Perhaps he did something honorable enough to let the king and queen have their shrub shaped as his head and face.

"NYEH? YOUR SOUL," he continues, taking my hand onto his again. "WOWIE! IT'S FULL OF ENERGY, I CAN ACTUALLY FEEL MY BONES TINGLING!"

"Oh! I'm sorry, I guess it's because you can feel my magic. I'm actually a human mage."

"W-WHAT?! A HUMAN MAGE?!" He asks, dumbfounded. "WHY, IT'S NO WONDER YOUR SOUL IS FULL OF ENERGY AND LIFE!"

I smiled meekly. "It's not really—"

"NONSENSE, HUMAN MAGE! YOU SHOULD ALWAYS BE POSITIVE, AND LOVE YOURSELF FOR WHO YOU ARE!" He shouts, cutting me off.

"That's a very good advice," I said earnestly. "Thank you."

"OH, YES, I APOLOGIZE! ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF." He says, and puffs his ribs out as if he's trying to look cool. "I AM PAPYRUS! THE COOL, PRESTIGIOUS, AND POPULAR ROYAL GUARD OF THE PALACE!"

I let out a chuckle. "Nice to meet you, royal guard Papyrus. My name is Zafrina Alban, but you can call me Zefie for short."

"What a fantastic name, human mage Zefie! But uh, what are you doing out here all alone?" He asks, with his voice finally tuned down.

"Oh, uh, I'm not sure . . . I was with a group girls, following a woman who will take us to Mettaton. I guess I got a little sidetracked and got lost."

"Ah! You must be one of the Selected girls! Well, allow me to escort you to the room where the other Selected are needed!" He insists, holding out his bony arm.

"Why thank you, that would be helpful." I placed my hand over it.

In an instant, he excitedly speed-walks towards the end of the hallway. I was surprised on how fast he can walk in those red boots of his. It makes me feel like I'm the one who's slow. And in seconds, we stand in front of a large doorway, where I can see a bunch of makeup stations filled with girls getting their makeup done. I can see Fiona getting her hair done, having her orange hair getting curled. It was so packed, I couldn't even see Delilah, Colleen, or Scarlet.

I felt my palms sweat a bit, but I felt a hand press against my back. I looked up, finding Papyrus smiling at me confidently. He's so positive, and I like him for that.

"FEAR NOT, HUMAN MAGE ZEFIE! YOU WILL BE FINE, I CAN ASSURE YOU THAT METTATON IS GOOD AT HIS JOB. NOW, I MUST GET GOING! I'M OFF TO DO MORE IMPORTANT DUTIES AS A ROYAL GUARD! NYEH HEH HEH!" He says with a grin.

"Alright, goodbye Papy—" I watched him run off as he happily disappears down the hallway, making a sharp left turn. "Rus . . ?"

I chuckled, surprised at how positive and confident he was. Perhaps that's the other skeleton brother. Hopefully I get to meet the other one that was sleeping at the sentry post. It makes me miss Claire more.

I took a few deep breaths and walked inside. My breath stilled when some of the Selected girls notice my presence, making me feel intimidated.

Over to my right, I see a beautiful Ferret monster with white fur, and long gorgeous blond hair styled into a bun. She was dressed in a ruby dress that makes her look exquisite. I felt my stomach twist into different angles just by looking at her.

"Ah! There you are, Miss Alban!" The woman from earlier, walks to my side. "You had me worried, I assumed you got lost along the way here."

I felt my cheeks flushed, embarrassed from my early encounter with Papyrus. "I'm so terribly sorry, ma'am."

"That's alright, I'm so glad you're here. Anyway, you're next to have your makeup done. Mettaton?"

Just then, a tall human-like figure with black hair and silver skin, wearing a magenta button-up collared long-sleeved shirt with a black vest and pants appeared before us. I tried to not look nervous and decided to look to the side.

"Yes, Wanda? What do you need?" He asks, moving his fringes to the side a little. "I'm quite busy, darling, so please make this qui . . ." His voice trails off as his dark eyes focused on me.

Mettaton looked as if he just saw something quite extraordinary, that he was speechless to even respond. I felt my stomach formed excruciating knots again, but I forced myself to hold in the pain.

"Oh, my! You look drop-dead-gorgeous, darling!" Mettaton gushes, getting a closer look at me.

"Let's see here," He tips my chin up carefully, turning my face side to side as if he's analyzing me. "Pale skin, light auburn hair, low-pointed nose, fabulous smile, and oh my! What lovely pair of light-amethyst eyes you have there, darling! Are they real?"

I chuckled nervously, feeling my stomach twist in an awkward angle. "Y-yes, they are."

"Oh, so stunning~! Thank you, Wanda. Now, come along, darling. Allow me to pick out a dress for you before you have your makeup done." He takes my hand, pulling me away to the other side of the room.

"Dress? Makeup?"

"Why, of course! You didn't think I was going to allow a gorgeous girl like you to pose in front of the cameras, and do a small documentary of yourself without a proper dress, and makeup?"

My smile faded instantly, feeling my entire body shut down. Posing? Camera? Documentary? I quickly shoved those thoughts away, feeling my magic buzz under the skin of my fingertips. Perhaps there's a good reason for us to have an interview. I'm quite camera shy.

We stopped in front of two long metal racks filled with different colored dresses. Mettaton works quickly, trying to find the right color and design that would suit me the most. About twenty seconds later, he pulls out a gorgeous sweetheart neckline gown with lovely ruffles that went around the skirt like waves.

"That looks gorgeous," I said, feeling exhilarated.

"Yes, it will look gorgeous when it's on you~! Come along now, darling. Stacey?"

The girl at an empty makeup station perks her head up before she walked towards us. They share a brief conversation before he gives her the gown.

"Alright, darling, time to get pampered from head-to-toe. You're in good hands. I will check up on you in twenty minutes, ta-ta~!" He pats my shoulder, before he leaves to check on the rest of the Selected girls.

I sit over the chair as Stacey checks on my face. She begins her job by washing my face first, brushing my hair to get the knots out that must've formed while I slept on the private jet. So far, my hair was put up in a stylish messy bun, letting some of my hair stick out. I didn't have that much makeup on, so it's just my eyes and lips that were worked on.

After some finishing touches on my eyes, Stacy escorts me over to the corner of the room, beckoning me to go behind a large screen that'll allow me to change into the gown Mettaton picked. Of course, I wasn't looking forward to walking in them, I'm not the type to wear gowns or short dresses all the time. Stepping into the gown, Stacey helps me fasten the zipper before she buttons them up, feeling the dress tighten around me a bit. Good thing Mettaton didn't ask me to change my shoes, walking in heels would probably hurt like hell!

Seconds later, I was pampered and ready. The hem of my skirt felt a little heavy for me to move around. I shrugged. It's actually not that bad anyway, I'm only doing this for Bryn.

"Alright, ladies~!" Mettaton shouts, getting our attention. "Now that everyone is all pampered and well-dressed, it's almost time to be interviewed live on camera."

Nearly half of the girls squealed with excitement while I felt my feet, and palms sweat like crazy. Millions of people will be watching this. And among them will be Nanny, Bryn, and Bethany. I couldn't help but smile. I'll make them proud. I took three deep breaths, feeling my anxieties shrink little by little. Stay determined, Zefie, I thought to myself.

One by one, each of us waited at least ten minutes before the next girl walks in. Sadly, my clothes and phone were taken back to my room. I won't be able to text Bethany about the situation I'm in. Within a few seconds, Colleen manages to find me in the crowd before she settles next to me with a grin.

"You look so lovely!" She whispers to me, smiling.

"Thanks! You, too." I gushed, loving how her hair was done in a french braid that curled into a bun, including her light grayish cyan gown that matched her hair and eyes well.

"S-so, what are we going to do?"

"Don't worry, Zefie, we're just gonna do a few poses for the camera, so we can have our before-and-after pictures displayed on TV for the Selection. It's a fantastic idea really. And after that, we just talk about ourselves a little, and then we'll be sent to our rooms to have our dinners there."

"Sounds easy enough. Were you able to find Delilah, Fiona, or at least Scarlet?"

"Not yet, I think they were up first, so it's just you and me for now. I think Scarlet is being interviewed right now."

Just then, the same ferret monster I just saw earlier is over at the corner with some girls talking.

"Who's that, Colleen?"

She looks over at the direction of where I'm pointing and saw her body flinch, before turning back to me. "That's Malachite Levoue, aka Mal. She's supposed to be one of the sexiest Selected girls among the thirty-five."

"Well, she definitely won the title, but do you know what she does?"

"Modeling, and it looks like her career of being rich and famous in Coloratura City wasn't enough. So, I guess she wants the prince, too."

My whole body went still, feeling my lungs suffocate my heart enough to make me stop breathing.

"So, it looks like she'll be one of our toughest competition yet."

"It seems like it, I heard that she's got an awful personality." She shakes her head, but looks at me smiling. "Ah forget about her, let's just focus on what's up ahead."

"You're right, tomorrow will be a big day to meet the ki—"

"Miss Zafrina Alban? you're next, darling~!" Mettaton calls out for me, poking his head out the doorway.

"Oh my god! You're up next! Good luck, Zefie!" She hugs me as I meekly walk into the other room.

I took a few deep breaths slowly, noticing a lot of camera equipment set up, along with bright lights to capture our complexion. I find Mettaton talking with the camera crew, going over the plan as I make my way to a large screen displayed against the wall. I squinted at the bright lights, brushing out my ruffles to straighten them out.

"Alright darling, are you ready to pose and show Auradon what you're made out of?" He asks, beaming with joy.

I responded with a gentle nod. Stay calm Zefie, I begged myself. Everyone at home are watching. Be brave and confident.

"Great! Now prepare to pose in five, four, three, two, one."

♕ ❀ ✩°｡⋆*:･ﾟ✧ ❀ ✩°｡⋆*:･ﾟ✧ ❀ ✩°｡⋆*:･ﾟ✧ ❀ ♕

I let out a tired groan, coming out of the shower in my white robe. That interview was a bit intense, and I was dismissed to my room thankfully. The Selected girls are to stay on the second floor just for tonight. We are not allowed to wander off on our own until further notice. Each Selected are given two maids, to help us dress, prepare baths, and to be sure we stick to our schedule on time.

Most of the maids are lamb monsters, the Rams are the butlers. And I love mine so far, there's Barbara who loves to talk a lot, and is good at designing gowns. Lesley loves fashion, but likes to get things done on time. We got along the first time I stepped into my room. Of course, I went through some limitations with them. And since I was used to doing some things on my own, they at least allow me to shower by myself, and pick my own clothes. And in return, I allowed them to start my shower or baths, dress me, and answer the door.

With my maids dismissed for now, I finally had the freedom of having the room to myself. My room is so big and spacious, it’s actually twice as big than my sitting room back at home. I even have a big flat-screen TV hooked up onto the wall for me to watch. On the left side of the corner is a window seat with little bookshelves for me to sit when I want to read or relax. I love how it sits in front of the multicolored stained-glass window, which of course had the delta rune symbol on it.

The best part about my room is my bed! A king-sized rococo designed bed with silvery-white bed sheets. The headboard itself looked so fancy, especially when the top of it looks like a crown. The wall curtains are draped around my bed, parted and tied with its colors matching my bed sheets, making it look sophisticated and exquisite. There are so many pillows, some that are big, and a few that are small. That’s going to be a big problem for my maids to drag me out of bed since I love to sleep in.

Delilah's room is down at the West Wing. Colleen's is across mine, which makes it easier for me to come see her every day. As for Fiona and Scarlet, I'm not sure, hopefully I will encounter them soon.

As promised, I go ahead and FaceTime Bethany. It didn't take long before she answers after the second beep. And here I am now, smiling like an idiot when her face appears on the screen.

"About time you called!" She smirks at me, eating her ice-cream in her room. "How's the palace? Did you see your crush? Are the girls giving you a hard time? Is the weather in Berdea okay?"

I chuckled, smiling at her. "That's a lot of questions to answer! The palace is cool, bigger than I expected. And no we can't meet him until tomorrow. The third question is undecided. And the weather is alright."

"Well that's good, but I'd be careful of who I trust, Zef. This IS a competition, and you know how the Selected girls are when it comes to Asriel."

"Yeah, I'll try to be careful." I promised, forcing a smile.

She raises her eyebrow at me, looking crestfallen. "Look, I know you're just trying to be kind, but I don't want them to take advantage of it. They will use it against you one day to hurt you. And you know how I am, when people like that try to hurt you. But this time, I can't be there to help you anymore. You're gonna have to stand firm, and not let anyone knock you down; just like the time you put Felicity back into her place."

I sighed softly. I hate how she's sometimes right. The thing is, I don't like to be mean. It's not in my damn nature. However, if they cross the line, then I will snap and put my foot down.

"You're right, I'll be careful."

"Good. In the meantime, my mom says that Mettaton is going to broadcast the before-and-after pictures of the Selected girls." She smirks at me.

Shit, I forgot all about that.

"Oh yeah . . ." I meekly looked to the side.

"To be honest, I can't wait to see your transformation. Maybe this will give you a good chance to have the people throughout Auradon support you to win." She says, being positive.

I smiled and nodded. "Again, you're right."

"Oh! Hey, I'll be right back, I have to help my mom on something." I can see her getting up from her bed, putting her phone in a different angle.

"Okay, see ya later." I pressed the end button and sighed.

The second floor is full of guest rooms, where the Selected girls stay. Parts of the hallway has a nice big lounging area for the girls to socialize and relax. I even heard that the second floor also has an indoor pool and spa. It’s available for us to use any time in case we feel like having a relaxation time. I should go see it sometime and experience that luxurious life in the palace.

I pulled off my robe, putting on a simple powder blue tank top, with soft black shorts. Sarah definitely did an excellent job on my measurements. My new clothes are fitted to the right size for my body. Claire gave me an option to what type of sleep-wear I like to use for bedtime. So, I told her t-shirts and tank tops with color matching shorts.

Leaving my room quietly, I wander down the west wing to discover more things on the second floor. In the middle of the hall that separates the west, and east wing is a loft, containing the stairs with two sets elevators. I squinted my eyes, feeling puzzled about it. I find it a little strange for the palace to have elevators, but I’m sure King Asgore has his reasons for having them.

“Well, hello there, buddy,” I gasped and whipped my head around, finding Fiona standing behind me grinning. “I guess this is how you spend your free time in a late afternoon?”

“Fiona, h-hi! Y-you uh, surprised me.” I stuttered, recovering from my jump-scare.

“What can I say? I’m an unexpecting person.” she jokes, shrugging her shoulders.

I chuckled softly, draping my damp hair over my shoulders. “What brings you out here? Are you exploring the second floor, too?”

“I guess you can say that. But I’m just bored, I was hoping I’d run into someone to have a little chat.” She says, twirling a lock of hair with her finger.

“Oh. Well, if you like, perhaps you could join me by accompanying me to the indoor pool?”

“Oh, no; I couldn’t,” her voice suddenly sounded slick. “Not with someone who’s so dense and annoying.”

My smile instantly fell, shocked that I understand why my gut has been going haywire when I was around her. A smug smile spreads across her face.

“You see, Zefie, this is the Selection. And in this competition, there is no such thing as friendship. Anyone can betray anyone. And right now, it seems that I’ve played you like a fool.”

I blinked twice, trying my best to stay calm. “Then why did you—?”

“Be friends with you? Isn’t it obvious?” she sneers at me, crossing her arms. “They did say to get to know your competitors, and I did so. But that doesn’t mean we could get together and talk about friendships, rainbows, and fucking unicorn kisses. Why should I be friends with some short-tempered flat-chested girl who dyed her hair into an ugly purple shade? The squirrel monster is more dense than you are, so bravo for at least being a little smart. As for that dark-haired enigmatic girl? She’ll probably get booted out the competition if she doesn’t learn to smile like a proper lady.”

I opened my mouth to try to say something, anything to defend them, but nothing came out.

“Aw don’t be sad, buddy . . ! The truth will only hurt just for tonight. Why don’t you be a good girl, and go back to your room to relax? The program should be starting later on tonight, and I wouldn’t want to miss your little interview and camera shots of you.”

I didn’t bother looking at Fiona, still feeling dumbfounded for ignoring my instincts about her.

She walks towards me, patting me on the shoulder as she showed her fake genuine smile again. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Zefie. Perhaps the prince will realize what a sad little orphan you really are.”

And just like that, she walks away and disappears to the east wing. I slowly balled my fingers into a fist, preventing my magic from getting out of control. Stay calm! I begged myself. My knees shook like jello, falling over to try to catch my breath.

“Zefie?!” I heard Colleen cry out in concern, hearing multiple steps coming towards me.

“Hey, you okay?!” Delilah carefully holds my face up to look at them. “What did that two-faced bitch say to you?!”

Oh . . . They overheard us. I couldn’t respond, continuing to breathe heavily. So, this is Fiona’s game; playing as the nice friend as she leeches out any personal information she can use against us.

“Gosh, even I didn’t know that Fiona can be such a backstabbing, conniving bitch.” she shook her head, sounding crestfallen.

“It’s not your fault, Colleen, we all didn’t know, and that’s how good she is at being fake. Short-tempered flat-chested girl, huh? We’ll show her, we’ll show her how wrong she is, and shove her words back into her big fat mouth.” Delilah spat out, with her voice sounding enraged.

“Temper, Delilah,” Colleen reminds her before she sat down next to us. “Don’t worry, Zefie, you have us! We don’t care if one of us becomes a winner. We compete fair and square, and betrayal is not in our vocabulary.”

I closed my eyes and smiled, hugging my now two new friends. “Thanks, guys.”

♕ ❀ ✩°｡⋆*:･ﾟ✧ ❀ ✩°｡⋆*:･ﾟ✧ ❀ ✩°｡⋆*:･ﾟ✧ ❀ ♕

"Yes, Nanny, everything's fine here. We won't be able to meet Asgore and Toriel until tomorrow." I said, keeping my phone close to my ear.

"That's fine, honey. It will give you time to relax until then." she spoke with her soothing voice.

"Okay, but shouldn't we be worried? The monsters and humans are spreading rumors about you, now that I've entered the Selection. They're going to find out soon."

"Is that so? Oh, my dear sweetheart, I suppose that I forgot to tell you something important."

"Huh? Tell me what?" I felt my blood gone cold, afraid of what she will say me.

"I want to come out of hiding," Nanny confesses. "I don't care anymore. One way or another, everyone will know what I really am sooner or later. I don't want you and Bryn to carry that burden anymore. I am Runa Cordelia, the last Selkie of the monster race, and a mother of two precious daughters."

I let out a small gasp and stifled a cry. Thank goodness, Nanny can finally become herself whenever she wants to. I know she hates to have everyone pity her. It will only remind Nanny of the family and friends she lost when the war broke out. That was why she wanted to stay in a town, isolated from the ones that knows who she really is.

"The whole town was surprised, but they still love me for who I am. And that's what's important." She continued, letting out a small chuckle.

"What made you decide to come out of hiding, Nanny?" I asked, feeling knots form in my stomach.

Nanny chuckled softly. "Do you remember when we brought Bryn back home with us?"

"Of course I do, I can never forget it."

There was a long silence, before Nanny spoke again.

"Well at that time, we moved from Elridge, to Aura Cove. And one day, you asked me why I was ashamed of being myself. I laughed at your question, because I wasn't at all. I just wanted to live in a place where no one knows what I really am. I was so tired of every monster pitying me, wondering if I missed having my kind. It will only remind me of the painful past I've already moved on from."

I felt my heartbeat in an excruciating way. I would feel the same if anyone did bring up something that I wanted to forget. Nanny is the type of person to mourn for a little bit, then move on to continue on with her life. She will not let any tragedy keep her from doing the things she loves. And that's why everyone respects Nanny.

I felt some tears form from the corner of my eyes. "That's a relief, no more hiding."

"It is sweetheart, it is." She responds happily. "You should turn on the TV soon, the broadcast will come on any second. Don't forget to get a good night's rest."

I wiped my tears and chuckled. "Yes, Nanny, I will."

"I love you, sweetheart. Bryn does, too."

"And I love you both, too. I'll call tomorrow, I promise."

I press the end button, throwing my phone over to my bed. Fiona's hurtful words echoed throughout my mind. So much for friendship. I walk over to my luggage, taking out my instant picture. Nanny and Bryn's smiles are what I miss the most.

I told Bethany about my early incident with Fiona. I wasn't surprised when she responded by wanting to break her entire bones. Bethany was right this whole time about choosing your allies. But I trust Delilah and Colleen. We decided it'll just be the three of us against thirty-two girls, well, hopefully we make more friends instead of enemies. Other than that, I suggested that we should still be kind to the ones who are kind to us.

I open the glass double doors to my balcony and stepped out to get some fresh air. The cold air tingled against my skin, feeling the ends of my hair stand. What a lovely breezy night it is at the palace. I was very lucky to have my room overlook the garden, especially when I can see Mount Ebott from my balcony. Watching it at least helped me forget about Fiona.

I draped my arms over the stone rail of the balcony. Mount Ebott, a mountain full of sad and happy history. What lies under it, is another world where it is much different than the surface. I should be happy. Nanny can be herself again, and I still have friends I can talk to. I can never ask for more.

Suddenly, a loud gust of wind blew against my face, making me yelp as my picture slipped out of my fingers. I gasped and ran for it, but it was too late. I watched in horror as my picture flew with the current towards the trees.

"Oh no!" I cried out, feeling my stomach twist into knots while my heart felt like it was going to run out of air.

If I don't get it back soon, I don't think I'll ever get a good night's sleep. That picture means a lot to me, and it’s irreplaceable. Even if I have it saved in my phone, it won't feel the same if I can't touch it.

I felt a cold chill run throughout my body. I know I can't leave the second floor, but I also can't leave my picture out in the trees. There's only one way to get it back. And it's probably the stupidest idea I've ever thought of.

I looked down, squinting my eyes to see through the dark. On the bottom is a bed of golden flowers. I whimpered and closed my eyes shut. If I use magic, someone will sense it and I will be in big trouble.

I took a deep breath and climbed over the railings as my arms held on to it tightly. All of this for a picture? I asked myself, looking over my shoulder to be sure my landing is accurate. Yup. It's worth it.

I exhaled loudly, closing my eyes and forced myself to let go of the ledge. It was only a matter of seconds before my body was prepared for the impact, landing on my back first, letting out a loud painful squeal. I felt my heart thumped loudly, feeling so much adrenaline pump throughout my body.

The pain wasn't too bad. And to my surprise, the big golden flowers actually cushioned most of my impact from my fall. I sat up slowly, rubbing my back. This will definitely be one of the most bizarre stunts I'll ever tell Bethany. And what will she say?

All of this for a damn irreplaceable picture.

I got up to my feet, feeling them shake like jello. The strong wind came by again, making my hair fly around like crazy. I quickly ran to the direction to where my picture flew. I scanned the area while I ran, in case there was a guard on duty. I really don't want to get in trouble at all.

It didn't take long for me to find what I was looking for. Towering above me is a tall tree that stood up to twenty feet. The leaves sparkled in a light magenta color, looking as if it’s made out of jewels. The trunk itself is in a light auburn color, watching the branches sway side to side from the wind.

"Oh!" I exclaimed, finding my picture stuck between the leaves up in the tree branch.

I analyzed the trunk and branches carefully. Since I'm barefoot, it'll make it easier for me to climb up the tree. With the moon as my only light, I climbed up the tree, gripping on to the nearest branch as planting my foot over the rough trunk to pull myself up. This could take some time before I can get to my picture on time. I prayed that the next gust of wind doesn’t come again by the time I reach it. I’ve already broken enough rules to get myself kicked out of the competition.

What the hell? I cursed to myself. How tall is this tree anyway? Did I miscalculate? I shook my head as I continued to climb, nearly at the top. Suddenly, the clouds covered up the moon, making my surroundings nearly pitched black. Dammit! What do I do now?! Slowly, I used my free hand to search for something to hold onto, feeling a long thick branch covered in some leaves. I shook the branch to test how sturdy it is before I went ahead, using it to pull my body upwards.

Oh! The leaves suddenly begin to glow in a beautiful light magenta color, lighting up the entire tree. I gaped, but sighed in awe at how beautiful their lights glowed. I noticed that the tree had some vines hanging over the branches. I wonder what kind of tree this is, perhaps Nanny would love to have a tree like this in the backyard.

With the lights from the leaves, I finally found the exact branch where it held my picture. The problem is, the branch was long and a little narrow. And I guess that means I have to crawl to it, carefully. Well, this is a risky situation. I was tempted to look down, but I stopped, knowing it will only make things worse for me.

“Come on, Zefie,” I encouraged myself. “Stay determined.”

My hands gripped around the thick branch, slowly scooting my body forward. I tried my best to be fast, but slow to reach the end of the branch. If I don’t hurry soon, my maids will cause a ruckus, and the guards will be searching for me.

“Hello?” I gasped, with my eyes widened, feeling my entire body froze to the spot. “Is anybody up there?”

My heart pounded loudly in a fast pace, with my breath laboring. That voice! I know that voice from anywhere!

Suddenly I felt my body tilt to the side and I cried out, quickly wrapping my arms and legs around the branch to prevent me from falling. I gasped, placing my free hand over my mouth, realizing the mistake I just made.

“Are you alright up there? Do you need some help?” The voice asks, filled with so much concern.

This bad! Really, really bad!

What in the world is Prince Asriel doing out here?!

#selectiontale #undertale #undertale au #zefie alban #fanfic #terato writing

3 notes · View notes

yasugapped · 7 years ago

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Tagged by @superjojolimon , considering how vague the “rules” are i have Rebelliously Interpreted the questions as changeable so i just like swerved whatever seemed 2 plain for my tastes. also a lot of these just seem repeated/too similar?

rules: answer 30 questions and tag 20 blogs you wanna get to know better

gender: female

star sign: sag rising, libra sun, taurus moon ;^)

height: 5′3″ but can and will kill you

mood: a dimly lit image of a possum eating oreos. munchin crunchin havin a good night

favorite bands: death grips ..... i’d say more but i’ll let u all think on that one for awhile ....

song stuck in my head: like. the ending credits to spongebob

favorite animal: trick question its All of Them.

last movie I watched: i watch NOTHING ......... i have. never watched shit or fuck in my entire life?? ?. .. i actually cant remember i Really dont watch movies, the only ones i really like are perks of being a wallflower, internal sunshine of the spotless mind, and donnie darko

last text u sent: ok i screenshot this picture of funny valentine and his stand like “couple goals” ... .. . .. .

when did I create my blog: i dont know or care but when i made it i hadnt even read part 8 ??? i literally was committing to yasugap before i even really knew what it was like ............ im such an authentic fan,.. also, the only other part i’ve read is 4, which i read solely because i saw a picture of josuke and loved him with my Life .. i literally only read it for josuke content and didnt care much (and still dont) for the real story of it. i enjoy part 8, story wise, way more but also i love josuke2.0 a lot and i just.. . love josuke And josuke bitch whathe thefculk1!!!

fear fear fear fear fear: i am extremely hesitant to invest in any potentially horrific or goretastic display because i have like. the worst paranoia. in january youtube kept playing when my sister and i fell asleep and when i woke up it was on a video of markiplier playing an scp game and it Shook me so much. i have literally never been the same. theres an scp thats just shadows on the wall and now i cant stop hyperfixating on the shadow on my bedroom door at night... it iis !! the worst!!!! bitch!!!! :^(

another strange fear is that, i sometimes get this extreme paranoia im not alone in the bathroom and i will typically pull back the shower curtain to make sure nothing’s hiding. i’ve also legitimately checked under my bed and in my closet, but the bathroom fear is a lot stronger than those for some reason.

last thing I googled: oh my god its “funny valentine” ... w-what a shock!! wh..o wouldve guessed. ... .. have i mentioned i havent read part 7,

sipp: i actually cannot live ... without coke ... uhm ..., i prefer coke entirely flat but also cold. i pour them out into a cup and set them in the fridge to fizz out. literally. also i cant stand ice in drinks.

hmmm one of those uh GET THE BOOK NEAREST 2 U AND READ THE 69TH WORD OF THE 420TH PAGE: ok so this book is house of leaves. it is my favorite book and has been for a few years but i’ve never finished reading it ;^)

i think the technical 69th word was ‘in,’ but here’s the whole lil paragraph there: “Near the centre, in crisp focus, squats Delial, bone dangling in her tawny almost inhuman fingers, her lips a crawl of insects, her eyes swollen with sand. Illness and hunger are on her but Death is still a few paces behind, perched on a rocky mound, talons fully extended, black eyes focused on Famine’s daughter.” this book has a writing style i extremely admire. it is filled with senseless, mindnumbing extents of detail and confusion, it feels almost like a modernized version of poe’s style???? also neat about this book is the looks - if you’re interested, try looking up just pages from house of leaves.

last thing u devoured viciously: we went 2 this mexican restaurant i’ve been to a bunch, i always get the same thing, but this time i got this taco salad. it was disappointing. like it literally wasnt good and i was upset,

NAME???? i just realized this question isnt here like how are u going to get to know me without THIS ...: like,, i dabble a ton in original content & characters, and my ... sonas are always named maizzey starr, and “maizzey starr” is like my BRAND so i go by maizzey a lot but as far as my real literal name ITS KAMRYN !!!!!!! like im so unique and good ..... ... ... starts crying

password style: i have only had like four different passwords in my Life. this makes it supremely easy to figure one out on a really old account or website.... i dont understand people who ...... make up different passwords for everything,, i also never initially use capital letters unless prompted. i do use numbers in like one of them.

favorite colors: i usually like colder colors more than warm, but in general i prefer bright and colorful things. rainbow rainbow rainbow rainb

average sleeping hours: oh my god ........... this is wild. i don’t have any kind of sleeping schedule whatsoever. my schedule will do fucking FLIPS 3 times a week - i recently got melatonin gummies to try and get myself on a schedule but i legitimately think i have like a sleeping issue :^(

what am I wearing: d-dont ask questions u arent prepared 2 hear the answers to.............

dream u can remember: my last dream sequence went like this. i lurking forums for club penguin. people were discussing a penguin who was kin with napoleon. like kin as in the THIS IS ME not kin as in family. and other people - .. penguins....- were also starting to be napoleon kin and it was a trend and the original napoleon penguin was angry? this vision entirely dissolved and i was in my room at night, in my bed, and i looked over to my closet as an unknown, fleshy figure leaped for me. this is literally the most terrifying dream i’ve had in my entire life. oh my god

last meme u made: FUCK .... also this

how do u have pizza: I PREFER PEPPERONI ... im ok with plain cheese especially like when its cold??? i odnt like hot cheese pizza idk why ,, .. im not very adventurous with my pizza.... i really want a dessert pizza

weirdest thing u’ve Actually put in ur mouth: nail polish...... i saw one of those my strange addiction episode with a girl who ate nail polish. i think i tried like three different colors - they burn slightly, the taste isn’t totally disgusting but its also not like.... appealing?? OMFEJFSDJJDGDHJFDJFDSGFD

also one time i thought. we had a those huge bricks of baker’s chocolate BUT IT WAS WAX CUBES so ive tried cinnamon wax cubes too oops!!!!!!! i mean they tasted like cinnamon so..., .h-heh , , ,..kvkfkj

any pets: YES BITCH . .,, . i have.. THREE (3) entire whole living dogs. and also ! three guinea pigs. i love dogs more than i love anything. .. ,, . .. .

also im 2tired 2 tag so i mean u kno goodnight

#drinks nail polish and eats wax cubes as a nice midday snac #how late is this??????????????????#tagm #squeaks

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critical--veins · 7 years ago

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Answer all of those horrible questions 🙌🏼

Damn if u say so!

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

yes! I luv my parents v much they’re so supportive of me :’)

02: Who did you last say “I love you” to?

my parents! lol

03: Do you regret anything?

I regret agreeing to answer all these :) :)

04: Are you insecure?

BOY AM I

05: What is your relationship status?

lonely wit a big fat heart!

06: How do you want to die?

soon?

07: What did you last eat?

I’m eating a veggie burger now & it’s tasty, idk what its made of but it’s tasty

08: Played any sports?

I did competitive cheerleading in high school :-)

09: Do you bite your nails?

no !

10: When was your last physical fight?

I physically fight myself everyday, she’s a fucking bitch

11: Do you like someone?

u see.. I have an underlying crush on a boy I can’t have... that I repress,,, so for the sake of this uhhh nope def not in luv with anyone ,,

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?

no, but now I’m intrigued? should I??? am I missing out?

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment?

lucy

14: Do you miss someone?

yes I miss my best friend & my family sooooo much going to school far away is rlly hard sometimes :///

15: Have any pets?

I HAVE THREE CATS, ANGEL MEEKO AND FINN & THEY’RE WONDERFUL

16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment?

ok real talk,, really good! I met with my adviser to schedule my fall classes & we had such a good talk, she told me I was so organized & it was a lovely conversation, she’s so sweet I luv her. also I took two fucking exams today & I don’t think I flopped on any of those, then I just spent an hour in lab lookin at fish so I’ve had a rlly good productive day & that’s rare bc usually I’m just Sad :)

17: Ever made out in the bathroom?

NO SOUNDS HOT THO

18: Are you scared of spiders?

if they sneak up on me yes! otherwise they’re not the worst! kinda cute!

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

fuck noooooo I’ve grown so much these past two years or so & I still am tbh, don’t wanna relive all that shit lol

20: Where was the last place you snogged someone?

if by snog u mean kissed.. uhhhh chili’s parking lot ahahasdkalk

21: What are your plans for this weekend?

I’m going on a day trip to boston on saturday to go to the aquarium?? never been to boston so that’s exciting & aquariums are so fuckin cute.. then sunday I’m going to a hardcore show w my friend for a band called boundaries & I luv those guys :)

22: Do you want to have kids? How many?

YEAH PROBABLY LIKE 2

23: Do you have piercings? How many?

just my lobes but I want my noseeee so bad

24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)?

I’m a slut for science

25: Do you miss anyone from your past?

I miss some friends sometimes

26: What are you craving right now?

fuck man so much affection, I’ve been single for a long ass time now,,, gotta cuddle myself :/ :/

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

yeah it wasn’t all that tho, not a good time lol

28: Have you ever been cheated on?

no!

29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?

idk

30: What’s irritating you right now?

college has been really fucking intense & I wanna go home, plus there’s a boy making my life one big shit plate but it’s been this way for like a year so Ii’m fiene :)

31: Does somebody love you?

I hope lol

32: What is your favourite color?

GREEN :)

33: Do you have trust issues?

I’m kind of a fool actually & I trust too easily so if anyone wants to hmu & tell me how to distance myself without missing him that’d be gr8 lol. .

34: Who/what was your last dream about?

damn this is bouta fuckin expose me! I dreamed about the boy from q33 & q30 bc he has broken my brain! it was a nice dream tho, my dreams are the only time it’s nice hahahahahasdoiflksdjfl

35: Who was the last person you cried in front of?

I don’t often cry in front of ppl but I think the last time I did was in front of my parents bc they were helping me pay for school. they give me so much I felt really bad but so thankful at the same time & just had a fucking meltdown lol, college is expensive it’s real fucked

36: Do you give out second chances too easily?

IF I HAD TO SUM UP MY PERSONALITY IT WOULD BE “gives out second chances too easily” LOL

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget?

forgetttt

38: Is this year the best year of your life?

god I fuckin hope not

39: How old were you when you had your first kiss?

I was 16 I was rlly old, bc ulgy & introverted

40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked?

no but again, should I ?

51: Favourite food?

mac & cheese will forever be the most superior food & u can’t change my mind

52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

absolutely not lol

53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?

uhhhh I was listening to balance & composure, and la dispute & staring at the wall bc that’s all I do

54: Is cheating ever okay?

I’m gonna say no but if it DOES happen, pls don’t stay with that person, break up with them, be honest, just don’t continue on like nothing happened bc if you’re cheating you obv don’t care enough about the person to be able to have a real healthy & sustainable relationship.

55: Are you mean?

I never fucking talk

56: How many people have you fist fought?

zero (see above answer)

57: Do you believe in true love?

I believe the human brain is weird as fuck & if you wanna believe in true love you can have it, but the other person has to be on the same page u kno what I mean?? is true love real? no. but is anything real? also no.

58: Favourite weather?

I’m a summer hoe til I die! gimme sunshine & fucking HEAT

59: Do you like the snow?

I do loveeeeeeeeee the snow tho it’s so pretty, I just love being outdoors & I get cold easily so summer is my shit.

60: Do you wanna get married?

I WANNA GET MARRIED RIGHT FUCKING NOW

61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

it’s the best

62: What makes you happy?

music, art, nature, my friends & family

63: Would you change your name?

I like the name lucy! I just wish whenever I tell ppl my name’s lucy they didn’t respond by telling me about a dog they knew named lucy (it happens almost every time lmalkdfj)

64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

all I think about is kissing the last person I kissed, it’d be the best thing lol

65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

idk man, I’d be like “thank u”

66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?

yes!

67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?

the fucking boy I’ve been complaining about for every question lmao

68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

probably my friend emily! we always get deep it’s gr8

69: Do you believe in soulmates?

I do not at all actually

70: Is there anyone you would die for?

DIE FOR MY FRIENDS YO

thank u for tha ask sorry if my answers suck :)

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seoschangbin · 5 years ago

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please rachel is cute!!!😭💕💞congrats on your freedom!!! i saw your text post about having to do some peer grading🥺it sounds tedious): and then people not doing it properly, gosh😤i hope you can get through them quickly n still have time to relax!💕but i’m glad next semester is gonna be full of fun classes, it’s what you deserve!!! i just know it’ll be one of your best semesters yet😌💕and graduating in april!!! omg :0 congrats!!! that’s such a huge accomplishment hehe. -🎁💫

mndjdj UR cute!! tho waking up at 2am to get to the airport aint it 😬✈️ hehe i finished the peergrade it went better than i thought im so dramatic nd mean 😭 (jk i was v nice imo) ur so sweet i dont deserve u 😭i hope 2020 is good for us both and we both have a good winter semester ❤️ (not sure yours is even called winter) scared for grad but also wouldnt be able to do another semester ahah 😥

do you plan on going to higher education or are ya just gonna chill for a bit?😌that’s true!!! almost halfway! and i’m done with my gen ed classes so now i just gotta focus on my major!!! i don’t really like the uni life so this extra year sounds like hell to me😭but i guess i should start trying to put myself out there more n make the best of my last years😭😔man😭well you tried your best rachel!!! n that’s all that matters😌💕-🎁💫

i applied for grad school! but we'll see how that goes 😣 ooh gen ed is the worst imo bc then u get the fun specialized stuff! 😊 oh noo why dont you like uni? 😔 but i hope you find smth to enjoy in the last years, thats when i started to really enjoy it anyways! 🥰

LITERALLY😭😭felix is just the softest n he’s so utterly sweet!!! he’s been making me go through it lately especially since he keeps on being the ultimate cutie and posting stuff of him being at the dog cafe🥺🤲🏼skz variety😚i saw that video where we get to see chan’s studio n he’s with bin n ji and gosh the tiny teasers we got other songs... omg😳💕i’ve been having levantar on repeat as well, i think she’s gonna dethrone i am who for me😳yeah i dance but i’m not good!!!-🎁💫

omg i KNOW rly goin thru it w felix lately 😭 the dog cafe bls mjsjjdd hes so cute 😭 omg i KNOW!! the seungbin duet bls.. for me.. release it 😭 all the songs sound so so lovely im excited for their future 🙇🏻‍♀️ omg levanter.. shes that gal taking over the world! aww its ok hehe if u have fun then thats all that matters ☺️ how did u get into it?

i used to dance when i was younger but i went through a i’m shy phase n gave it up🚶🏻‍♀️recently i’ve been trying to get back into tho!!! my only source of lessons atm is felix’s dance to😚honestly that’s so valid bc skz titles are always so so so good n leave you with vastly different feelings🥺🤲🏼who knows😭😭😭chan does n says the weirdest stuff sometimes but it’s okay he’s still a cutie🥺right!!! i’m really glad they got a win! they're accomplishing so much n i am so!!! proud😭💞-🎁💫

omg felix nd his dance lessons hes so awkward but endearing bro is there any dances ur looking forward to learning or currently learning? i agree skz kings of versatility! i know!! they did so much this yr good job skz ️

i wonder if they’re gonna do more stages n if there’s possible for them to get more wins... i think they’re done right? just fansigns left? hmmm. changbin always gotta play hard to get i guess😤and omg yeah i guess so!!! bc i’ve realized that i listen to mostly jype artists :0 sometimes jype is ya kno... Yeah but i can’t deny that i love most of their groups🏃🏻‍♀️-🎁💫

i think they r done! but im honestly so hazy on their schedule i just take what im given LOL 😭 i love looking at fantakens from their fansigns though i hope they have more! mjdjf mood about jype... but their groups.. pure nd good! not rly relates but did u ticket this past week for skz hehe?

i’d like to file a complaint… 😭😭😭hyunjin is just so powerful, i always think how lucky jinnie stans are bc he just loooooves spoiling stays😚💓ooo i’ve heard of victon but i’ve never watched their variety! there’s so many groups i want to eventually listen n learn about tho and victon is one of em!!! i watched a few eps of that mx variety where they’re with PUPPIES😭i still need to finish it but so far… jooheon can get it and by get it i mean n my heart😞🤲🏼-🎁💫

omg i KNOW hj be like bf vibes always spoiling... omg victon is the CUTEST and theyre always on vlive itll be my mission to get you into them! 😉 omg i havent seen the whole puppy one yet but theyre so pure nd cute! i also recommend mx ray hehe! and hes jooheon must be protected hes the sweetest bab!

oh my goodness please i’ve seen clips of that moment!!!! changbin looks ULTRA teeny tiny i couldn’t believe!!!! so much cuteness in such a tiny body😭💞right!!! i love their friendship so much i just love how attentive they are with each other n how they always play around too hehe, its adorable!!! i will never get over felix whipping out that damn egg, king of comedic timing!!! yes!!! chan n changbin!!💕chan is a mega libra n as a fellow libra i couldnt resist! n changbin is changbin🥺-🎁💫

hes the teeniest i always go back to him on the zipline hes my babyyy 😔❤️ he looks scary but hes. baby.. his muscles r made of love.. mjsjd i KNOW feliz out of nowhere: 🥚 cute.. changbin n chan r a good bias pair! just the sweetest

being a changbin stans can never catch a break bc binnie's whole existence is just utter cuteness most times i can’t handle it, i blame his mega leo energy😭i’m into mostly nintendo n indie games! also its super cheesy but i love chill games like farming games or animal crossing! you too rachel! get plenty of rest n omg i hope you enjoy your vacation!!! being at the beach is the best🥰💞gotta apply buckets of sunscreen then!!! i burn so easily too so i feel your pain😔-🎁💫

omg i KNOW bin is just the epitome of cuteness i never thought id ever stan the aegyo boy 😭 ooh! do u have a fav game? and i hear animal crossing is super fun nd i love chill games so not cheesy at all!! im sure when im back the first thing ill say is damn.. never seen my skin peel like That ⚠️

and no worries!!! please take your time n enjoy your vacation😚💞but goodness you’re so sweet! i’m glad i was able to finish the thing i made for You hehe, i’m excited for you to see!!!🥰💞its been lots of fun chatting!!! even tho i feel so bad for rambling on n on at times😭but i hope this week treats you well rachel n you have the loveliest n bestest holiday!!! -🎁💫

i decided not to bring my laptop this time so i wont be able to finish what i had in mind until january i hope u dont mind! but omg stoP u made me smth 😭 ive enjoyed talking to u sm too thank u for being the sweetest 🥰 i hope u enjoy the week as well and take lots of time to rest!

#🎁💫#ask #anonymous #i was typing out this ask as i was going thru the airport and fiNALLY put it together #amazing...#anyways i adore u bls have a good week!!! thank u for being the loveliest ss im glad u got me even though i was probably boring hehe

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chikotos · 7 years ago

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speaking of That my mom is finally recognizing that when I say “i dont feel good” it doesnt mean i have a cold or sth its that Uh, im probably experiencing suicidal thoughts and cant express it well (or at least smth along those lines) and my house has been dirty cuz i havent cleaned in a while or i cant keep it clean and she n my sister cleaned an area and i repeatedly told her not to bc shes always using my sister to do things im not adequate enough to do on time and its rlly not fair to her even if she doesnt realize it cuz like shes only 12 & we dont ever even talk so she shouldnt have to take care of someone 5 years older than her.. and i was gonna clean but I basically slept all day so i could just clean alone at night when I feel safe to walk around the house . i wasnt even tired idk why i slept but now im eerily awake and maybe will be umless i force myself to sleep

its so lonely here and thats only hit me like this year cuz all the time before I would go through periods of hanging out after school maybe.. twice a year? and only hanging out with one person whod have many friends but theyd b my only friend which is a problem i tend to have. but it jst got to the point where im realizing, i think cuz i was in my schools drama program n exposed to lots of friendships, that im jst like ,really fucking lonely. Which is unfortunate because ive always been such an internal person at home and have been able to work creatively but thats all like leaving me? art doesnt make me happy anymore because i dislike my art so much and havent had a platform to share it in so long and i guess I thrive on other ppls opinions of it? and I definitely cant write anymore. I havent been able to zone in on an interest in MONTHS and thats left me creatively drained, a lot.

I think im starting to rlly, RLLY redirect my complete attention from interests to ppl (which always ends well am i right lads) and it isnt fair to ppl who like, have others and need space and time etc or Uh, dont even know me. but its like a switch like , I can either be creative or i can feel loved and Boy Howdy, do i need both,

its just weird cuz im the only one in my family thats emoitonal like this and I think thats why i feel so isolated. like im not exxagerating when I say my dad has 0 friends tht arent family. my mom has work friends she will hang out with maybe 4 times a year not for work, but shes always complaining abt social situations which I can understand. maybe my siblings r like that too but my sisters young n focuses on minecraft n stuff n hangs out w friends more than me n we barely know each other so its not like id know, maybe my half brother is but whens the last time hes wanted to talk to me right. like i cry all the time and all it does is make my dad angry at memfor being incompetent and make my mom think its her fault and my sister confused and jst takes up everyones time

and its jst all v strange. like i was kinda raised 2 not have friends, inadvertantly i guess. i can remember my mom trying to make me feel better about something along the lines of u can b okay w/out friends if u have family but she jst told me friends dont matter and im never gonna talk to ppl i meet at my age as an adult, so it stuck w/ me and i started to make moral judgements on ppl on small things we could talk out like say, they use homophobic language sometimes but im sure theyd respect me enough to stop, but id make those judgements before we could befriend each other n take a chance, kinda to protect myself from attachments? but later in life ive found ppl who dont do stuff like that, and thats when i focus in on them im an unfair way to them and they r the only person/group of ppl in my life, etc etc and idk how to stop because im so scared of hanging out w/ most ppl alone i guess? but ill still be here, thinking about like example (namedrop bc he doesnt have me tumblr anyways) my friend jacob tht never hung out w/ me outside of school but i fuccin loved that kid n he just stopped talking to me over the summer n ignored my text i send first day of summer and now we see each other and talk briefly but its like he wont let us be friends anymore and smth like this always happens and its So

and tbh how can i expect it to not happen when i limit myself so much n they will have plenty of other close close friends when i dont? and i think ive gotten better but idk anymore.

and uh, unrelated. I think my dog ive had for 12 years may have to end up being put down this year. hes got cataracts in both eyes and skin diseases and back problems and teeth problems (hes inbred) and hes losing his hearing too and for the past two weeks hes been peeing everywhere and we can let him out but he cant climb stairs anymore n he has to walk them to get to our yard and im the only one w/ the patience to pick him up (hes only 8 pounds) n put him in the yard bc my parents will jst scream at him n my sister doesnt like dogs and hes got seperation issues w me and whines when he cant be in my room which is the farthest from the door out n stuff. and its like rlly stressful my mom will scream at him in front of my sister n brother n me and the other day she said my dad grabbed him by the neck and threw him out on the concrete cuz he peed inside and hes so tiny that thats just gonna make everyting worse and its notmlike i can stop them bc why would anyone listen to me and hed prob b fine for s few more years if he lived in a patient house with ppl who would take him to the vet but theyre prob gonna put him down early snd its gonna b so weird w/out him

when i showered earlier i took s razor with me w/ the intent to cut my thighs, and i did a little, but i never ever draw blood wnd its strange. why am i given these urges when im so fucking terrified of blood. itll still leave marks n stuff but it makes me feel weak ? n ill bruise myself up instead but its never the same. and im such an advocate for help w self harm but i cant for myself. its like i subconsciously want 2 get caught ? idk. i did throw my razor away though and the others i have r rusty and im not THAT much of a dumbass so i dont have options to self harm anymore unless i get new ones. lifehack

and uh lol, having no schedule n it being summer my eating habits r SHIT. it always hurts to eat p much, its at different times n most of the time i just snck only or i dont eat for hours n see black spots n stuff. and when i dont eat its not a body image thing (im nt rlly happy w my nody but its not sth not eating will help with) its cuz i dknt wanna go upstairs for food where my dad is n the snacks r downstairs so its easier, or cuz i forget or cuz i like, want to punish myself? but im too lazy to self harm. its weird

n since ive stopped id’ing as ace officially my internalized lesbophobia has gotten so much worse . im so repressed and lost ans sad, nothinng rly makes sense? I either fall in love w/ anyone who flirts with me or i focus on someone who ill never fucking talk to or see again and imagine countless scenarios n set myself up to b sad. i seek validation from ppl on it but nothhing comes out right or i just cant say it, because other than when i make myself the butt of gay jokes i just cant sven get the words out of my throat that im gay cuz im jst so ashamed and disgusted with myself. ive been looking at pictures of guys lately cuz ive been trying to force myself to like them. back when i thought i was pan it always felt safer bc i could always just love a cis guy or whatever and everything would b okay for my family ykno. and its such a shameful thing for me bc my irl friends who im out to, most see me as v confident abt it at least a little bc im loud abt it u kno, and make all sorts of jokes, and i jst know so many would b surprised or like sad abt that

i want to stop liking girls so much. like holy shit. i have so many straight girl friends and i hate it when they flirt with me because lik, none r my type so i feel nothing but then i feel like i shiuld then feel like No i shouldnt then feel like i shouldnt even be around them bc im a gross disgusting creepo dyke predator. n they always use the excuse of me having a gf so its fine id never hit on them well like, now im single so i have to be DOUBLE careful not to b affectionate w them as im w all my friends and itsssssssssssssmjshfjhdjfhsjdhjshdjshdjhsjdhsjhdjshdk

and i like, think abt this girl alot n yea its romantic even thomwe never fucking talked n rlly i do that w lots of girls and its making me lose out on friendships bc i wanna b their friends somehow bc i think theyre very cool n stuff but i cant stop hodling on to stupid daydreams n idealizations i get to distract me when im sad n its jst stupid like i know its dumb but guess whos boutta keeeeeeppppp doin it??!!!!! boy!!!

and i try so damn hard to talk feeling out, n talk abt who im attracted to n stuff w ppl, n i try so hard to gush but i cant cuz smth comes outta my mouth and then i cant speak past that and no one ends up rlly knowing how i feel, bc ANY time i talk abt anytingngay related abt me its what happens. and i listen to others talking abt tht stuff and i jsut get so god damn JEALOUS bc idk how to express myself

all these inadequacies n shit is making it rlly hard to see how,im gonna b on my own n its always been like this. at TWELVE YEARS OLD i came to fhe fucking conclusion that i was just gonna kill myself when i turned 18 so i didnt have to deal with all this and i was OKAY WITH IT and i just went through life knowing that and hiding it and so rarely questioning my inevitable suicide as a childc so instead of dealing with all that n my problems n getting better i let myself get worse cuz uh, fuck it right

idk its all just occured to me how im not a fully functioning human being, in seberal if not all aspects of my life, its weird. now that I actively want to live and realize i uh Kinda have to simce ill b the legal guardian of my brother its all very scary

sorr i was all over the place and all the typos i didnt mean anyof them n im not crytyping like, i cried a bit but i jst hate typing kn thsi shitty tablet keyboard, n dont wanna spellcheck. if u read through comgratulations also please dont message me abt like the self harm junk n my dog n stuff like, whatever ur abt to say. I Know my guy

time to go uhhhhhhhhhhh daydream about impossible gay shit with guilt in the back of my mind

#personal #animal abuse/#self harm/#other stuff probably i guess #nya #its long uhh full disclosure i sjt wanted to feel like i was talkin 2 someone nyall can ignore this

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caepaecaesurae · 8 years ago

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> Last week sometime...

caepaecaesurae ... I apologize for the #tyrian/ tag, by the by. My moirail has trouble wvith your alternates, that he is still wvorking through. brackishbarracuda so i noticed i didnt mean to start shit caepaecaesurae You havwen't, and he holds no animosity. Only memories. brackishbarracuda i cant reely say shit tbh w u i used to have the same problem w certain cronus alts i aint gonna go into it but im betta than i was

caepaecaesurae .. There are so vwery many things wvrong wvith certain Cronus alternates. brackishbarracuda an nearly all a mine are fucked so caepaecaesurae I'm glad you're doing better ..and that the entire Ampora line is not currently completely poisoned for you. brackishbarracuda trust me theres a few i could stand to see w a head on a different end a the room than the rest a them but i got double diamonds and both are v much amporas caepaecaesurae There's some that -I- wvould be inclined to separate from themselvwes. brackishbarracuda aight if im bein honest its one in particular and its an erian so i still count that as improvement caepaecaesurae I'd agree. WVas he perchance recently invwolvwed in the dashcourse? brackishbarracuda i dont think so i aint been payin attention i dont mind a name drop if ur currious just dont out me aboat it its complicate complicated efin caepaecaesurae Reasonable. ... I don't speak wvith many Eridans, I suspect it's not likely to come up, so I'll abstain. brackishbarracuda as in dont tell me or u wont out me caepaecaesurae Don't tell me -- I wvouldn't out you either wvay. brackishbarracuda s fair caepaecaesurae But this wvay, I'm not likely to read his page out of curiosity. Or ask a thousand questions that aren't my business. I'm afraid I'm as gossipy as Arlequin can be. brackishbarracuda trust me tho if he shows up and starts shit youll kno who it is caepaecaesurae Do let me knowv if you evwer need a hand. brackishbarracuda pike i said its complicated 38/ and f reel tho i aint mind questions from u in particular caepaecaesurae If you're certain, then -- wvho, and dare I ask his specific failings? brackishbarracuda violaceousvanity too many to fuckin count brackishbarracuda most a which is fuckin w my rails pusher an holdin the fact said rail had feelins for him over my damn head when i was low caepaecaesurae .. Ugh. brackishbarracuda im really tryin naut to go on a tirade aboat every fuckin thing hes done wrong bc i wont stop if i get started its platonic af caepaecaesurae I knowv the feeling. Aye, interference in romantic affairs often can be. brackishbarracuda hes still a part a my rails past tho before i knew him and he swears hes his friend so im over here just shruggin violently brackishbarracuda ur ugh in response was afishiated tho its hard to properly disgusted w somebody existence when other ppl aint as pissed as u are

Last Wednesday at 2:44 PM

caepaecaesurae I sympathise. Interpersonal conflicts of that nature are... Awvkwvard at best. caepaecaesurae Pardon for disappearing on you. brackishbarracuda nah shit happens u aight caepaecaesurae > Caesurae looked at that question, blankly, for over a minute before he could bring himself to quietly facepalm, sigh, and gather his words. Sleep came unexpectedly, that's all. brackishbarracuda count ur blessings i had to watch cats the musical before i could get my wrigs to fall the fuck asleep caepaecaesurae You havwe wvrigglers? I feel like I should havwe knowvn, sorry for the inobservwance. brackishbarracuda i dont talk aboat them much naut publicly anyway brackishbarracuda too much shit can go wrong but yeah i got five a them caepaecaesurae It's easier to protect something no one knowvs about. Gods, that seems daunting. brackishbarracuda i mean they aint mine i kinda inherited them but they mine u feel cept one ones actually mine caepaecaesurae I believwe Arlequin had a fewv sprung on him wvhen it turned out one of his flings came from a timeline wvith interesting biology. He adores havwing a massivwe family for church reasons though. brackishbarracuda yeah caepaecaesurae May I ask about the inheritance? brackishbarracuda bouy seems pike hed b happy just havin em drip off him while he fucks around in the kitchen caepaecaesurae That's fairly accurate, aye. brackishbarracuda dead red caepaecaesurae I'm sorry. brackishbarracuda they didnt really have anybody else me and the rails look after em caepaecaesurae Good that someone or something does. If you havwen't ended up lusus-bonding wvith them yet you might be able to get them lusii in a timeline somewvhere. I suspect you havwe though, by the sound of it. brackishbarracuda loz would raise from his fuckin ashes and haunt my ass if i ever got rid a them especially now brackishbarracuda theyre mine caepaecaesurae I'm glad you care for them. I'm...familiar wvith the concept from Beforus, and from my moirail's family. It's not something I'vwe personally evwer wvanted, but I'm glad it suits you. Are they young, still ? brackishbarracuda it aint someifn i ever personally wanted either tbpfh w u little shits grow on u yeah caepaecaesurae Has Arlequin met them yet? brackishbarracuda ach is the oldest and shes under five sweeps and ayas the youngest and shes in a coon rn i think we planned on it but it aint happened yet brackishbarracuda lotta shit goin on rn caepaecaesurae I suspect he'd enjoy it quite a bit. He adores spoiling wvrigglers. brackishbarracuda yeah i can sea that lmao hes a big cod damn nerd brackishbarracuda hey i got a question caepaecaesurae Aye? Fire at wvill. brackishbarracuda do u no anybody youd trust w a needle pike tattoos do u think arlequin would kno anybody in the church oar caepaecaesurae I knowv Porrim has a studio here, though I'd havwe to gently feel out howv she feels about seadwvellers. I'm sure Arlequin knowvs howv to apply tattoos in the old wvay, wvith hand-made tools and ointments rather than wvhat one wvould vwisualise in a modern tattoo parlor. I'm sure Nadaya wvould knowv someone, and could ask, if that wvould be of use. brackishbarracuda idk if i trust his evaluation of i trust u naut to kill me while u do this but yeah if u could ask around so i got options id afishiate it tbh isle still probubbly sea what arlequin can do seein as i already trust him caepaecaesurae Arlequin I wvould trust completely to do blackwvork. If he specifically says he can do brilliant colors and gradients, I'd believwe him on those too. I trust Nadaya not to put other people into stupid situations. He tries plenty of things himself he wvould not consider for others. brackishbarracuda thats fair caepaecaesurae I'll see if I can put together a list for you -- and I'll mention wvho each recommendation came from, as wvell. I'vwe been somewvhat tempted to look into it myself, I just havwen't been able to think of a design I wvanted. At least anything that wvasn't somewvhat trashy. brackishbarracuda hell let it be trashy caepaecaesurae References to the Kraken brackishbarracuda lMAO caepaecaesurae A tramp stamp, if I could bring myself to it brackishbarracuda PLZ I N-E-ED T)(IS caepaecaesurae Haha Gods. Maybe. brackishbarracuda oh my shi t absofuckinlutely i am behind this and behind u so i can stare at it caepaecaesurae I appreciate the vwote of confidence. "This side up" brackishbarracuda im la ughign i swear to fuck man embrace that shit caepaecaesurae On the one hand, yes. On the other, if I don't, I can fake being a vwery dignified older man at wvill. And people wvho don't knowv me wvill believwe it. brackishbarracuda i mean thats fair but u can do that w some paint an sealer caepaecaesurae ..Oddly true. Of course, I could put on a vwariety of different tramp stamps at wvill in the same wvay. brackishbarracuda embrace ur inner trash prince caepaecaesurae You are a terrible influence, but I'm almost intrigued enough to put together a selfie. brackishbarracuda i am tho caepaecaesurae This Side Up is the best one I can think of. Maybe a reference to the Gunshowv WVhat are some other good ones, vwisible from the front? I am preparing something. brackishbarracuda suns out guns out has alwaves been a personal fav isle ahab ur crosshairs idfk visual pun put ahabs on ur bicep caepaecaesurae Oh, perfect brackishbarracuda i am all for this please dear cod also ur attractive just fyi caepaecaesurae Thank you, I appreciate that. You as wvell, from the pictures I'vwe seen. brackishbarracuda the reactions ur getting are worth this shit alone caepaecaesurae Oh, aye, I need to do this more often. brackishbarracuda u reely do i almost wanna reblog the dam thing again caepaecaesurae One feature of tumblr that I personally appreciate is the ability to schedule posts to go off at pre-determined times years into the future. brackishbarracuda oh my shit ohhh my shit caepaecaesurae And you look at your dashboard, and you ask yourself "WVhen did I reblog that -- Oh. Ohhhhhhhhh right." brackishbarracuda i am here for this brackishbarracuda plz at least keep the gun caepaecaesurae Hah. I don't knowv. The tiny one? brackishbarracuda yeah i mean its easily hidden w sleeves an its a good ice breaker caepaecaesurae It is at that. If I did, I'd probably ask Arlequin to apply it for real. Things I imagine into place are easy to imagine awvay again. brackishbarracuda i nearly said id imagine so and stopped myself wtf me caepaecaesurae I can imagine it, and I wvouldn't havwe caught it. brackishbarracuda hes doin aight if ur currious thats my rails caepaecaesurae I'm glad he is. brackishbarracuda i get over excited about the bouys so i apologize in advance caepaecaesurae Hah. Both vvic and his brother? Enthusiasm is a blessing, enjoy it. brackishbarracuda yeah f reel tho they aint get out much so im over here wavin a lil flag when they talk to ppl on their own caepaecaesurae I havwe a fewv friends like that. Thankfully theyvwe started getting along wvith one another, wvhich is nice. brackishbarracuda tru tf to that

Last Wednesday at 6:44 PM

brackishbarracuda are u sugestin arlequin is a wrong choice caepaecaesurae No, I just knowv Arlequin wvell and don't knowv if he knowvs him. Arlequin making more positivwe social contacts is good. brackishbarracuda (that was a joke ) tru af tho caepaecaesurae I'm not that great at jokes if the punchline is someone being offended, if I'm honest. brackishbarracuda aight fair caepaecaesurae Sorry, chief. brackishbarracuda nah u aint got anyfin to apologize for

#brackishbarracuda #ooc eyes only #discussion of gossip bad tattoos and kids #trashy tattoo jokes ahoy

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yourrainycollectorhologram-blog · 6 years ago

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(UK) ideal first car for male 25 year old who comutes ALOT! !?

"(UK) ideal first car for male 25 year old who comutes ALOT! !?

Finally decided to get of my are and learn to drive next year, need a car that Is cheap to run (all aspects considered) but quite importantly, a female isn't going to run a mile if I pull up in it! I travel up and down the country every weekend with a friend in a vauxhall astra hatchback, is that a decent enough car?

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://freecarinsurance.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr

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Cheapest car insurance for a 21 year old in nj?

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Making a New Auto Insurance Quote versus Renewal on Same Insurance Company Costs Less?

Making a New Auto Insurance Quote versus Renewal on Same Insurance Company Costs Less? My auto insurance will expire very soon and I noticed that I haven't received any renewal offers from my current insurance provider. So without hesitation I visited their official site and did some new quote. Virtually, I am a new customer if I choose to purchase this quote -- which will cost me only $380.00 Two days later, I finally received a renewal offer via e-mail. Take note again that this is the same insurance company, same insurance policy coverages, same policy number -- But there's a difference! To renew, it'll cost me $518.00 To my startled mind, I made a quick visit on this existing policy account online and checked the declarations page for this renewal offer. Unfortunately for some reason, the website cannot display this said page. What's going on here? Could there be a conflict if I choose to buy a new policy with presumably will make a new policy number with the SAME insurance company? Is there some sort of money making scheme going on in here? I have been informed also that if you create a new quote, and purchase that new quote BUT from the same company you appear as a virtual new customer but having the same name and complete information. Is doing so ok?""

(UK) ideal first car for male 25 year old who comutes ALOT! !?

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I asked before but i am looking for a health insurance that covers meds, eye checks, dentist, womens problems, in the united states.""

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My insurance company offered me a policy to cover a de restricted scooter which I agreed to take out, but in order for this policy to take effect I had to give up 4 months of cover totalling around 160 and pay a 80 deposit on the new policy. Last week I was sent a letter notifying me that my insurance was cancelled so I called them and was told that I had to return a copy of my CBT certificate. I rang on Sunday and was told a completely different story and that was that the company they placed me with had decided that they were not going to cover me even though the whole point of changing them was because they specificity dealt with my type of vehicle . They have now offered another policy for 515 pounds with is 100 pounds more than my previous and I am not willing to pay this as they lied to me and told me that I was insured to ride around even though they knew that I was not covered. I have copies of the insurance certificate to prove that they sold me the policy and all other relating documents. Please advise on what I can do.""

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I was a passenger in a car accident and my laptop was broken. Would the drivers insurance cover it? Even if it was liability, it should still have to cover it right? He says the insurance says no because I wasn't injured... That doesn't make any sense.""

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I am 19 and I drive a 2003 Jeep. I've been with Geico for 1.5 years & my policy price has went up two times! When I called to ask why it would go up they explained that it was nothing to do with me or my driving record (seeing how I've never had a wreck or a ticket) but that it depends on the claims from other people. I know this is how some things work, but I don't think I should be pentilized for someone else's claims. Is this how every car insurance works or is it just Geico? I'm going to start calling around to today to get quotes...but I wanted to hear from people other than a sales person.""

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I am looking to start a roofing repair company (residential only at this time) . What I am going to do is secure the jobs, draw the contracts, purchase material and collect payment. I have 3 crews that will do the labor and they each provide liability as well as worker comp on their crews. What I looking for is a company that will insure me with liability (1 million) for my protection. What I am running into is that every company that I talk to says that you have to be in business for 2 years or greater or they are quoting me 7 to 9k a year. I have over 10 years experience in quoting, selling and installing, can anyone help out in finding affordable liability insurance? Thanks""

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(UK) ideal first car for male 25 year old who comutes ALOT! !?

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/do-i-still-have-pay-excess-my-car-insurance-anthony-johnston/"

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litchizzle · 7 years ago

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20 December 2018

It’s been a while.

I had to check my phone for the date, because to be honest my mental calendar is pretty fucked up right now, LOL. I’ve been on break for a couple days and it feels amazing to have no stress on my shoulders for the first time in a long, long while. But hella youtube, anime, and a fucked up sleeping schedule later, I’m starting to recollect myself and look for ways to be productive again. I guess it feels a little unnatural, doing nothing and worrying about nothing, when just a week ago I was stressed beyond my mind and pulling all nighters at the library.

It’s been a rough semester. To be honest, I didn’t see it coming. I knew job searching would take up a lot of time, but I didn’t expect school, and extracurriculars as well, to blow up all of a sudden and push me into a corner like it did. I’ve always known that I’m shit at managing time, but I still decided to take up a lot more responsibilities than I could handle. Pretty typical.

But yeah. A shit ton of stress and a disgusting number of all nighters later, I’m made it out with an accepted job offer, a surprisingly (?????) high semester GPA (not that it MATTERS but u kno... i’ll celebrate what i can), an android app, a visual novel game, and a couple short animations and dank paintings, most of which I’m proud of.

On top of all of this, it’s just overall been an eventful semester. Went to three concerts (not sure how i managed this but l0l time management???), met some new people, got closer to some. There are a lot of things I wish I could have done better of course, but I suppose there always will be.

Growing up is tough. I can write miles of paragraphs about this, honestly. I just want to stay 21 forever. It’s a nice age, a nice in-between. I don’t feel ready to be a real adult yet. In college you kind of just fake it, ya know. But I feel like everyone else is so ready to push on ahead, and I feel a little bit... left behind. Sometimes. I still feel like a little kid. I mean, I’m sitting here in my high school room, cutesy decor on my walls and stuffed animals on my bed. Nothing about this is really highlighting the fact that I’m going to start working full-time in just a half a year.

I don’t know what I’m going to do, ahah. It feels a little surreal. I want to be a kid forever, but I want to grow up faster at the same time. I just don’t want to keep feeling left behind, I guess.

I just finished the anime Orange. I don’t watch anime nearly as much as I used to, but it was a cute one to get into, although super emotional. The MC reminds me (unfortunately) of myself a lot, especially in high school but I guess also now (? sometimes). The story makes you think a lot about regrets, about how your actions, or lack of actions, can make a large impact to someone’s life, or your own. Makes you think about what kind of things you would change, if you could go back in time. Makes you wonder about what kind of regrets you will have in the future. If only we knew, and could push ourselves to fix them now. Despite the sweet ending in the anime, I know that life isn’t that easy. You can’t just get letters from your future self helping you fix your mistakes before they happen. That would be nice, wouldn’t it.

I’ve missed writing, so sorry this one is so long. I’ll be around.

#update #after a long time hehe

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anything-advice-blog · 7 years ago

Text

[TIME SENSITIVE / URGENT] toxic friend

i kno u guys must get like thousands of messages and im so sorry for cluttering ur inbox and pushing this to the front of the line but im just. desperate and really scared and i need to know what 2 do abt this as soon as possible!!! also as a preface i apologize in advance if some of the way i word things in this come off as offensive or incorrect, etc - i truly, genuinely do not mean any harm so please feel free to correct me if i say something that isnt okay!!! also this is REALLY scattered and mega long so bear with me im really sorry! (also im so. so scared the person in question is gonna see this o H MY GOD so i may need to message this blog again asking for this post to be taken down maybe bc im really paranoid im so sorry!! i hope thats ok but i just dont want to risk her seeing this if this all blows up in my face ohrkjdghkjghfdgj!!!) (TW: SUICIDE MENTION, SELF HARM MENTION)

ok so. almost 2 years ago in early 2016 this girl i’d never met before drew me this incredible gift art for my birthday. we started talking and we found out we have a lot of things in common - we both draw and write, we’re just a few months apart from each other in age, we have similar interests and fandoms, n we live less than an hour away from each other and are one state away from one another - so we immediately hit it off n became super close friends. she was amazingly talented n super friendly and nice n stuff so i wanted 2 be friends w her anyways!!!!! @ the time she was in an online relationship with someone several years older than her who lived across the country, and she mentioned a few times she was feeling unhappy and insecure in that relationship and that long distance was really difficult but she was too devoted to her partner to break it off. the most important thing 2 note is that my friend has several severe untreated mental illnesses (depression, anxiety, ocd among others), regularly self harms, and is suicidal. im pretty sure im neurotypical (or at least i definitely am not suicidal / depressed, etc), so while i couldnt relate to a lot of the things she was going through, i always tried to be a listening ear to her and give her advice / support when i could because i knew she was going through a lot of rough stuff. she told me she doesnt have any friends in real life, her parents are separated and her family does not support her or even really know / care about her mental health, and she can’t access any professional help from teachers / counselors / therapists due to her severe anxiety and financial issues for some of the latter options listed. as her relationship with her partner began to crumble, i started bearing a lot of the weight of her struggles - she would vent to me and i would always have to be there for her to support her. i told myself that because she was mentally ill and didnt have any support i would take on that role so she wouldnt have to suffer. over the summer of 2016 she almost attempted suicide like…. twice??? and i talked her out of it and it was terrifying and really exhaustimg to constantly be worried about her.

then almost a year ago, in the winter of 2016, she started getting… clingy? we started talking a lot more and i didnt really get like any bad vibes from her but we were pretty much joined @ the hip and stuff and we started telling each other all of our secrets (so this is when i found out her relationship with her girlfriend was starting to crumble, which i didnt previously know) also she started constantly drawing me stuff??? like Drowning me in gift art and i felt really bad for not being able to reciprocate but she told me not to worry and that she used art as a coping method and stuff. at this time, i was going through some stuff too - obviously not as severe as depression / self harming, etc, but i had just gotten out of an almost-relationship with someone i knew from school, and i was doing my best to distance myself from romance in general since i didnt feel mature or confident enough to be in a romantic relationship yet. i told my friend that i was uncomfortable about the prospect of being in a romantic relationship and she seemed to understand.

anyways right around my birthday this year she revealed to me that she was madly in love with me (???!!?!?!?!?!!?!!?). mind you we had never even talked to each other / video called or ANything like that and we had only sent each other One (1) selfie and. it made me really uncomfortable because she said that like i was her moon and stars and her whole world and everything and she constantly dreamed of me??? and that she had been secretly like writing me love poetry and drawing me Even More Art i didnt even know about and…… it was. really overwhelming. it bothered me for so many reasons besides the fact that we had never communicated outside of like chatting / sending messages back nd forth like…. ok she was still in that long distance relationship at the time even though it was crumbling, and she KNEW!!! that i was uncomfortable about romance but she told me anyways and stuff!!!!!! and AHHH it was just really bad. so i panicked over it for a day or two because i was scared that if i Firmly Said No that she would spiral into a depressive episode and actually fatally harm this time but i wrote her this huge long letter letting her down very, very, VERY gently and apologizing for ever leading her on and stuff. and. she never actually wrote back to that letter or told me that it was okay???? which….. should have been a red flag 2 me but. we moved on as friends even though we did this conscious of the fact that she still loved me like that and i didnt feel the same way. looking back on it i regret it so much because i told her that like i would Always Be There For Her Forever and stuff and??? gfkjhgk yeah it wasnt a good time.

its been almost a year since then. in the spring i got my first smartphone and we added each other on a lot of social media stuff including snapchat and moved all our conversations there, then we decided to call each other and exchange phone numbers and see how that worked. i didnt really think much of it and was excited to hear her voice and have a conversation with her but…….. suddenly that one call turned into two and two turned into three and within a few weeks we were calling each other like All The Time (at least once a week if not more) and like making these really fucking elaborate schedules to call each other????? WHICH LIKE i dont think is a normal thing friends do idk if im wrong but!!!!! i literally call None of my other friends except for her, and a lot of that is bc i actually get really anxious and uncomfortable talking on the phone?? (also not to mention my mom doesnt really like me talking on the phone either….) but i never really told her that it made me uncomf or that it was difficult to mnge like i guess it just kinda.. Happened and became the norm. so now on top of constantly messaging each other multiple times a day now we were calling frequently too and there was suddenly a lot more pressure in our relationship because i had to stress out over making a large amount of time in my day to talk to her. i graduated high school this spring and having to balance the extreme emotional load of that major change with like… suddenly having to fall all over myself to make time to talk to this girl i didnt even really know?? was just really bad and i regret it so much because i feel like i missed out on fully experiencing it i guess. im really really passive and im TERRIFIED of confrontation and i dont like saying no to people or telling them if im uncomfortable because They Will Get Mad At Me and it was especially worse bc of my friend’s mental health and so she and i would talk for hours on end because i was afraid that if i got tired and ended the conversation without a legitimate excuse she would get mad at me and hurt herself. since we could fit way more conversation into like… long long hours of talking and talking, we ended up like. just telling each other literally Everything and she “eventually” fell out of love with me and started trying to meet people who she actually knew irl to date!! which was. kinda good bc she met this one girl and they hit it off but then it turns out she was just….. queerbaiting my friend??? which Sucked so that obviously didnt work out. and then she met another girl on this dating app and they started going out and my friend started talking to me less for a little while. it turns out though……. that my friend’s new girlfriend lives in my town??? like i dont know her but bc of that my friend and i almost met in person bc the two of them met up and went out together and stuff and they were gonna drop by and see me but that didnt work out. im getting off topic here but my point is……… she told me she wasnt in love with me anymore and she started seeing other people.

sadly she and her gf recently broke up. their relationship was also really unhealthy just like…… All Of Her Relationships and that other girl broke up with my friend because she said she needed space (she was depressed too and needed to recover and my friend was being too clingy and attention seeking and stuff so she just ended it in the middle of the night over text.) ofc ive stuck around for all of this and my friend has vented about every tiny detail of this relationship to me and its…. been So Stressful. now that shes single again she’s more depressed than ever - over the summer when she was dating that other girl she stopped self harming but she started again when their relationship started going south and now im really scared she’s gonna hurt herself, esp bc she tried to commit suicide again a few months ago which was terrifying. also another thing thats made me REALLY uncomfortable!!!!!!!! is that she Keeps Bringing Up the fact that she was in love with me whenever we talk on the phone??? like Every Single Time We Talk, Without Fail. even when she was talking abt her new gf with me sh was like. comparing her attraction to her gf to her attraction to Me and talking abt how they were similar and different and. i never had the guts to tell her it bothered me but god it just does So So Much!!!!! because we were never in a real relationship and she doesnt even really know me KDSJFHKHGAHHH im rambling so much this makes no sense at all and this is so long im so sorry ahhhh but im… Stressed!

so….. we’re running up on two years since we’ve met and one year since she told me she loved me. im in college now and she’s still in high school, and she’ll be i college next year too. again, i dont think that im depressed or mentally ill, but ive been struggling a LOT with the adjustment from hs to college and its been really really rough on me emotionally. now that my friend is single she’s been solely relying on me and trying to get me to call her multiple times a week because she needs the extra support now that she doesnt have her girlfriend anymore… but she doesnt seem to understand that i i just dont have enough time or energy to give all of myself to her and fall all over myself to make her feel better, especially when i already feel suffocated by her to begin with AND when im suppposed to be starting this new life and putting all of my focus into that. we’re mutuals on every single social media i have and i feel like im constantly being crushed by guilt whenever i do anything for myself or post stuff bc she can see what im doing constantly. and like she asked me to turn my read receipts on when we started moving from snapchat to texting and i have them turned off regularly so i did and it was really uncomfortable. i keep bending myself over backwards to mke sure im making her happy bc im all she has left.

neither of us have good relationships with our moms and so we’re always sneaking around to call each other and lately ive been calling her at school because obviously my mom isnt there and its less of a hassle to sneak around her and and talk……. but its a double edged sword bc i keep having to isolate myself and skip clubs / studying / hanging out with friends and socializing to talk to her and listen to her vent and its just so exhausting and i feel like im starting to seriously fall behind in other areas of my life im supposed to be getting better in. its hard enough adjusting to this and missing high school and stuff and trying to learn how to be an adult and be independent, and having her weight over my shoulders just is making things so much worse. but if i tell her that she’s choking me she’ll hurt herself (she’s literally said to me, Multiple Times (and recently!!!) that if it werent for me she’d be dead by now or she would kill herself and stuff and im the only thing she’s living for at this point. which. i dont know how to feel about that). i feel so trapped and i can’t say or do anything that indicates that im uncomfortable because she’ll get mad at me and make these passive agressive little side comments or do these alarmed emoticons and stuff or give me the silent treatment for a day or two (which is always scary bc like its Good when she’s not talking to me but when she doesnt im scared that something horrible happened to her!!!!!) and its just. god. ive started lying to her and coming up with fake excuses to get out of calling her because the thought of having to go isolate myself in these empty courtyards or nooks and crannies of my college campus is growing more and more uncomfortable and terrifying to me and i just cant fucking be honest about it because i suck. when i talk on the phone with her i have to be really fake and smiley and stuff and all she does is ramble about how horrible things are going for her and then i have to try and give advice when i just am so bad at talking and socializing already and im dealing w my own stuff and its… Awful. im so so weighed down by this nd i know that if she knew she’s being a…. b*rden to me right now she would be devastated and harm herself and stuff so i cant say anything and im spiraling out of control with THI s but you get the point im just really uncomfortable Always!!!! and i feel like my own emotions are completely 100000% inferior to hers because she’s gone through so much more than me and stuff???? and idk if thats True or if its just the way i feel but i just cant do anything around her bc shes like a ticking time bomb and anything i feel or try to do to protect myself from getting hurt will be selfish bc shes hurting way mre than me!!!!!!!!

anyways her birthday just happened a couple weeks ago and i bought her a tiny present and drew her somehting (i felt super guilty about not doing More for it though because shes done so much for me and also literally nobody except me remembered her birthday, not even really her own family). i havent mailed it to her yet (i told her i would send it this weekend, which is why this is marked as urgent) but we just exchanged addresses for the first time so now she not only knows my name, my age, what i look like, my Entire Backstory Ft. My Deepest Darkest Secrets, and how to reach me whenever she wants wherever she wants, but now she knows Exactly where i live and where i go to school too lol yay!!! anyways im getting really really anxious because i just had my midterms for college and didnt talk to her for an entire week last week but this happened right after her gf broke up with her and i think shes mad at me for taking a week off of talking to her. we were gonna call again today but i weaseled my way out of it bc it was so overwhelming and now i have to mail her this gift this weekend and my mom and other fmily members are all yelling at me about it and demanding that i just like…. Not Send It To Her because i dont owe her anything and tht i should just cut her off but if i do she’ll hurt herself nd she follows me everywhere and knows all of my secrets and stuff and idk im just scared that if i end our friendship she’ll try to ruin my life!!!! Like i dont think she would be petty like that or turn people against me or anything but she’s so obsessed with giving all of herself to other people nd she’s literally said she cant function without being 100000% devoted to somebody and like even after she’s broken up with all these other girls she still…. is obsessed with them and angsts over them and stuff and she does that with me even though i never even dated her or anything aND ITS JUST bad

like. idk i just really needed to get all of that out and im sorry it was so so so long and i dont even know what to do but i guess i marked this urgent because like. do i send her the present???? should i try to just like quietly distance myself from her real subtly so she wont notice or should i just straight up tell her that i cant breathe around her anymore and i just. really need space??? or like to not be friends anymore even though we know everything about each other??? am i being manipulated or is it jsut All In My Head that our relationship is toxic??? like idk if i shoud even cut her off completely or aNYTHING or if we could like even go on being just acquaintances from now on and saying hi to each other from time to time. and i feel so mean and bad for writin all of thisstuff about her when i know shses so vulnerable and i havent concretely communicated Any discomfort around her so if she saw this she would immediately know it was about her and do something Terrible to herself nd she constantly spams me with memes about depression and wanting to die and like…. blows up my phone with like 50 text messages at once and its just so so so much to worry about and i!!! just!!!!!! cant function like this anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHH!!

anyways that was a huge disorganized mess and im kinda shaking and i dont even think i got all of it down or communicated how trapped and helpless i feel. ive never been in any situation like this before and i hate that she’s…. yeah. she’s really like manipulated me and stuff and i dont know how to get out of it. every time i think about it i feel like bursting into tears because im just so stuck and i dont even know if the way im feeling is even valid or if its all just lke. in my head or something and this is how friends really are Supposed to be because ive never really had a great social life either and my best friends are honestly my brother and sister and they mean everything to me and so i have friends outside of my family but like idk i never like. really was that close with any of them nad stuff nad idk this isnt about me BUT i just uhhh. am kinda crying a little bit and im sorry fo rbeig a big baby about all of this its all my fault for being a Human Doormat and letting people walk all over me nd tellin myself that i can bear that weight when i really have never taken good care of myself before Ever In My Life and stuff. but anyways im gonna stop rambling now and just… to whoever reads this or responds to this or whatever just thank you for hearing me out even if you think im wrong / crazy / Terrible for feeling this way because it just has been so much and i dont know what to do.

Hey there!

There's a lot going on here, but the bottom line seems to be this; you're in a friendship that you don't want to be in, and that you feel is unhealthy for you.

You are not her therapist. You can't fix her, you can't treat her, you can support her, but that's it. You aren't responsible for her. You're forcing yourself to put all this time and energy into something that you're super uncomfortable with, and don't want to be doing, and it's draining you and destroying your own mental health. You have to put yourself first. It's okay to want to help people, but you HAVE to put yourself first, or else you'll burn out and you won't be able to help anybody.

At the very least, you need to talk to her about how you're feeling, and tell her you need to tone down your relationship. What's happening absolutely isn't fair to you. All you can do to help her is your best, and right now, you're not doing your best because you're not taking care of yourself.

I know you're concerned about her hurting herself or killing herself, but you have to understand that you are not responsible for her. If she does something to herself, it's not as a result of your actions. She's traumatized and mentally ill, and those factors are what causes her to hurt herself. Not you. You are not and can not be responsible for her. Period. If she tells you she's going to kill herself or severely hurt herself, you have her address. Call 911 and ask them to dispatch help to her house. She might hate you for it, but an angry person is far, far better than a dead person. That action very well might save her life, and get her the help that she needs, so don't be afraid to do it.

As for the present, it's totally up to you. You did promise it to her, and fulfilling that promise might help you let her down a little bit more gently. At the same time, giving her a permanent reminder of you could hurt her. Maybe you should ask her? Tell her about how you're feeling and that you can't keep going with this intense of a relationship, and have a conversation about that. During that conversation, you could ask if she still wants the present. She might get angry, or it could help soothe her, or maybe she'll have a totally different reaction. It's hard to know.

This conversation is going to be super, super hard. It's going to be hell, quite frankly. She's a super sensitive person, and she's probably not going to take it well. So remember what I said before, about her not being your responsibility, and do a LOT of self care working up to the conversation and after the conversation. I'd recommend making a self care kit, and putting things in it that help calm you down. My personal self care kit contains nice smelling lotion, soft fabric, stuff to play with, gum, tea bags, and notes from friends reminding me that they love me. You could also be texting a friend during the conversation, so that they can reassure you and help talk you through it.

You may not be going through the same things she is, but your feelings and your struggles are valid. You don't need to destroy yourself to help someone that's "worse" than you are. You need to take care of yourself, and keep yourself as healthy as possible. You aren't any less valuable simply because you're not traumatized or self harming. Your mental health is important, and you need to do what's right for you.

I hope this helps!

♥ - Fawn

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