#i mean gay people drama probably isn't great either

[mieletcrepes]

straight people drama is genuinely so wild to me WHAT are these people doing

[absolutebl]

Hi.

I was watching TharnType for the first time. I started wondering why people have issues with gay for you and wifey and other things like that. From what I'm seeing it isn't intended in a harmful spirit. It's not received badly in the show in context. I'm not just specifically talking about TharnType but just these tropes in general. I was wondering if someone, the writer/screenwriter, director, any actor or someone else said that they'd intended it as demeaning or in a bad way... I don't know if I phrased that correctly. But I guess I'm wondering what people are basing this on. Even UWMA's Pharm's entire demeanor. Before I watched it I'd read that he is too feminine and damsel in distress-y. But watching the show made me realize that he is traumatized. I noticed similar patterns with other shows as well. Is it audience interpretations?

BL Is a Mess of Really Damaging Stuff & You Probably Shouldn't Just Accept it

Because, if you do just accept it without thought, you're also being damaged. If you're gay, you're being taught a type of gayness that doesn't exist and will fuck up your expectations. If you're straight you're misinterpreting what an entire group of people are like (that's prejudice, FYI). And if you're somewhere in between you're learning really bad behavior patterns for your coming out and self actualization journey.

And no, I don't think you're capable of distinguishing fiction from reality, because you've just asked a question that patently demonstrates a burgeoning parasocial tendency. (And yes, parasocial relationships can and do form with fictional characters. Why do you think I am so terrified by KinnPorsche fandom and shipper culture?)

Here have some education, first one is free:

Imaginary Friends & Real-World Consequences: Parasocial Relationships (YouTube video)

But also, if you don't want me to rant about this, and you just wanted to justify your questionable taste, you should stop reading right now. I get it, denial is great! Go sail that river.

Here I am talking about the good BL can do. That doesn't mean I'm blind to its flaws.

Still reading?

Okay, well, now you asked for it.

And guess what, I'm not gonna sugar lube coat it.

Consider yourself Drunk Type lying in a bed and I'm Tharn's c*** shoving some dry BL reality into your a******.

Oh, don't like that image, do you?

Tough nuts.

Put yourself in my position. I don't wanna have to do this either.

Consider this a "BL narratives made me do it" post.

I'm not responsible for anything, I'm just an archetype.

I'll be your seme for today and you were all just "too cute" for me to resist and now you have to take some tumblr dub con...

But first:

Seme uke when it specifically conflates seme with "the man" and uke with "the girl" is old fashioned, anti-feminist, and anti-queer. Here's some of where I talk about it, but I talk about it a lot. Too much, some might say.

Pharm is a blushing maiden archetype character, I talk about it and what that means here:

It's sex negative. And a lot of it stems from internalized misogyny and ties to something called benevolent sexism. It's pretty rampant in BL.

Yes I think Pharm's behavior can be perceived as traumatized, but that trauma is brought about by In's past actions and the fact that In was punished (BY THE NARRATIVE) not just for being gay but for being a self-actualized pro-sex uke character.

There is a distinction being made between critical discourse over narrative versus how the characters behavior makes an audience feel (within the immersive experience of the drama). Some viewers care about this distinction, others do not.

I very much get why someone might like TharnType (I did) but actually also, you might want to think about why you like it despite the messages the narrative is sending... You might want to think about not just the characters in their little perfect romance world together, but consider if you were in the position of either of those characters how you would feel or behave.

And NOW the Dub Con Portion of tonight's BL party

Okay I was trying to be my usual semiseme-welcoming snark self but ya know what, let's be VERY FUCKING CLEAR HERE because I am jet lagged and tetchy....

We (the collective of BL critics here on tumblr) aren't always talking about WHAT is depicted so much as HOW it's depicted, and whether that HOW allows the WHAT to skate by without encouraging the audience to reflect on the damage the WHAT does to their own perception of what is romantic. Or what is queer. Or what is morally acceptable for decent human interaction.

Like thinking, for example, that it's okay for Tharn to RAPE Type while he is drunk.

Why on earth is that okay? It's NOT OKAY. It's just NOT!!!!

Did Type ask for it?

Did he dress too sexy?

Was his skirt too short?

Was he too much of a jerk?

Did he want it anyway?

Did he not protest enough?

Did he protest too much?

You gonna make that call for him, are you? You read his mind (apparently the way Tharn can?)

But SERIOUSLY.

What if you were actually in Type's position? Roommates with someone you didn't like who molested you when you were drunk. At home. In your own bed. What if that roommate didn't look like Tharn? What if your roommate were the wrong gender or body type or age or familial relationship (!) for your preferences? How would you actually feel?

Because if you're okay with this, really okay for yourself, you have a strong kink and you need to seek out the appropriate community or you are signing up for a very abusive relationship and likely an early death.

Can't put yourself in Type's shoes/bed?

How about Tharn?

Are you the kind of human who would molest a drunk person just because you desired him? Her?

Because they're homophobic and you want to punish them with your queerness?

Because they were a jerk to you?

You always get back at people by raping them?

You an old white dude putting your hand down secretary's shirts because they're just "too cute to resist"?

Why should you have to resist taking what you want? Who cares that there is a whole other human involved?

Grabbing ladies by the pussy any chance you get and bragging about it, are ya? Or is it somehow different or less damaging because TT is dude on dude?

So, are you gonna justify taking what you want and violating another person because they're the same sex?

Now who's being "gay for you"? This is going all the way into DL closet case "it doesn't count if it's with a man" territory.

Because if you are any of the above 8, please block me right tf now. (And... do I have a world leader to recommend for YOU to get into a car with.)

GAH!

Fucking TharnType.

Anygay...

I talk about dub con here:

My initial post about TharnType is here, but more recently here's us having a whole ThanType discourse unpacking Mame among other things as part of the BL movement both as a genre and as a fandom:

and here's an important article on rape culture in Thailand

Gay for you talked about here:

Wife language talked about here:

I'm gonna go watch some BL trash that, hopefully, doesn't have any rape in it. (You never know tho...)

Fuck me (consensually) I am so tired.

I'd drink but I did too much of that already this week.

Maybe I need to eat something.

Don't troll m,e just block me.

For heaven's sake please.

(source)

[henrysglock]

Unpopular opinion but I’m sure you’ll agree: Byler tumblr is not a fun place and hasn’t been for a while. Anyone can post anything and immediately will get hate unless they are very popular creators and even then they will get hate from other popular creators.

Also more unpopular but we probably won’t get an official word on Mike’s sexuality in the show and I’m fine with that as long as it’s clear he’s queer

Rating: Hard Agree, and...Semi-Agree. Begrudgingly Agree. Wish I Didn't Have To Agree.

Byler tumblr hasn't been fun since September last year, honestly. And yeah, it is because of one particular group of people who became popular during the ST4 summer boom, but who now just sit around vaguing about other people and circlejerking each other (while also posting walls of text saying they aren't a clique). Anyway.

You're absolutely right that trying out something new will get you either ignored or put down. Hell, even if it's not about byler you'll get vagued in the tag. I consistently get vagued and demonized for Henry analysis by people in posts under the Byler tag. Why are we tagging non-byler drama as byler? To create a "problem" to virtue signal about in front of 345k people? Sexy.

So yeah you're definitely spot on there. Byler tumblr isn't a great place.

For the second part: Honestly? I'm not entirely sure they'll say Mike's sexuality out loud unless he actually has a coming out scene. I mean, Will didn't have one on screen, he was labeled by Noah, but he's canonically gay. So as much as I'm 100% sure Mike is gay...I can't be certain they'll actually label him on screen.

It sure would be nice, though, and honestly I wouldn't happily accept "he's just queer". I'd be put out if they didn't, because a lot of his arc re: his sexuality is clearly and obviously gay. Not bi, not pan. Gay. So I personally would not be satisfied with him being entirely unlabeled. It's definitely something that would irk me, despite the fact that I've begrudgingly accepted the chances that Mike will be left as being an unlabeled queer guy.

[gittetj]

-CHAPTER 16 OF THE END OF THE WORLD SPOILERS - NOT SURE IF IT'S NECESSARY BUT IT JUST FEELS RIGHT-

I feel like there are others curious about this as well, but what was your thought process behind the kiss scene? Did you think of it when you were just planning out the story or did it come up later? Did the idea surprise/terrify you at first? (i'm beginning to sound like i'm obsessed with it but it's just the last thing i expected of the fic so it delights me endlessly lol) It would actually be cool to know more about the trials and tribulations of how the writing process for the whole chapter went, so if you're willing to share, pleaseee?

(also a random one, but how old is ootsuki?)

Ootsuki is 23. I'll put the rest under the cut~

The kiss was actually something I decided on very early and then debated whether I should get rid of a million times, because yeah, it's out of my comfort zone to write about teenage (non-)romance, and it's so at risk of being taken the wrong way in several different ways. If I hadn't had 3 people with very different perspectives beta-read it and tell me they got what I was going for, I probably would've found some lame way to chicken out of it.

Anyway, the reason I decided to go down that route was that I have a rule that every canon scene with Shou must go in the fic. By no means do you have to make adaptations that way, and there are things later on I'll twist a bit, but I like rules and challenges, so there.

This meant I had to do something with that fucking maid café scene, which, let's be frank, is very gay. It's a weak joke and has no purpose other than to be gay fan service. So what can you do with that? I could either pretend it isn't gay and didn't happen (glaring at ONE here), I could lean into it and make it the start of something romantic, which would derail the themes of this particular story, or I could use it to support my points about all manner of relationships often being weird and difficult and full of mistakes that are sometimes forgivable and sometimes not.

Shou and Ritsu try to figure out if it's a big deal to kiss someone, but there are other more or less explicitly romantic-leaning relationships in this fic, none of which feature any kissing, and meanwhile the person who is the most blatantly physically affectionate with Shou is so in a way that's 100% platonic, and meanwhile, I've given Shou very strange reactions to multiple of the grown-ups in his life which, on a surface-level, you'll often find in fanfic/young adult fiction as cues that something romantic is going on (blushing, stuttering, general awkwardness) although I sincerely hope it's clear that's not where I'm going with that either. I don't know, I just find it very interesting to dig my claws into that whole mess.

But you asked about the writing process, and it wasn't really the kiss that forced me to rewrite chapter 16 like 8 times, but rather that A) I knew Okura had to be in the chapter, but wasn't sure how to use him, and B) I had to construct a scenario where Ritsu would not flip the fuck out and never talk to Shou again after being told about the burning dummy corpses. (Also a lot of other things I don't remember anymore since some of those rewrites happened long ago)

When you have long chapters like this, if you want it to feel cohesive and avoid mood whiplash, you have to pick one high tension point that everything else can build up to. In this one, I wanted the kiss to be that point, which was really fucking difficult with so much other drama happening around it. I don't have enough experience with writing to have a great feel for these things when I have to write them myself, so it was a loop of trying one approach, asking someone, "does it work now?", them saying no and making some suggestions, rinse and repeat.

[asoulofatlantis]

"Better" is really stretching it here ^^' I mean, say and think about Aaron what you want but he definitely is better than Cao by most people's standards ^^'

I would have preferred someone with a deeper voice for Aaron. But I guess its okayisch enough.

You don't say... (We are currently talking about the Agnes in the bóoks Sunshine Agnes... which turned out is actually kinda her...)

This game is pretty much showing how the paths you are taking as an adult can complicate the relationships you have from your childhood or teenager years. Elaine chose to be a Bracer, whos highest priority is to protect civilians. Kinkaid chose to be in the CID who highest priorities are to protect the country as a whole und support the politician that leads it. Van on the other hand chose the bath of someone who does work that does help others somewhat, like bracers do, but its very important to him to make money out of it, what would fit more to a mercenary, because he takes questionable, borderline illegal requests as well, as a mercenary would and a bracer would not. We saw that those 3 groups can essentially work well together but when push comes to pull, we've also seen that the differences between these 3 ways of working can also collide and cause their relationships with each other to waver. Another example of this we also see in Killika, Zin and Walter. Although Walters position is much more dark, shady and incompatible with Killikas and Zins than Vans is with Elaines and Renes. This is an interesting change of pace tho, because the previous games was more us learning to work together with different organizations who use simular methods. Like the police and the bracers or the students of our military academy and the bracers. This time, it is not about the similarities, but more about the differences.

Fun fact: The guy from the Embassy in Erebonia was a generic NPC. Almost every second sidemission came from a guy who looked exactly like him but here in Calvard he is actually one of a kind and stands out to you as a player, so it was easy to recognize him.

He works at the Crossbell-Consulat now, by the way and thus can come home more often. Good for him!

So Jess is gay and wanted to hide it, especially since he is in love with the flowerboy. (But... isn't the flowerboys sister in love with him? Man. What drama!) I like it tho that Van is encouraging him. Even tho I doubt that is something that people in Japan will agree with. Heck, I've heard even in America that is still somewhat an issue.

I do not like her voice. Not sure why tho. I guess it is quirky enough. But... somehow it also lacks the maturity that Judiths japanese voiceactor has.

Oh my god! Is that voice actually...? Give me a sec!

Okay I was wrong but I do wonder where the hell I know her voice from...

Yeah... thats... quite the fitting reaction ^^'

Its clearly written as LAngport, but he pronounces it LOngport. And I can not remember how they pronounced it in Japanese to be honest. But I could have sworn it was "LAngport". I do not see any sense in pronouncing an A like an O either way...

Well... great the guys of the SSS from me there... and Juna I guess, while you are at it. Oh and ALSO would you be so kind to tell Lloyd that when he takes responsibility for something by willingly avoiding a well intentioned warning beeing oh so sure that they will be able to fix things without getting the necessary information out of the warning, that he could at least show up when things go downhill because of his ignorance? I exspect him in the next game and he better has a very good idea how to fix things.

Is that really the same body and the same hair? It probably is but... it feels so weird to see her with that helmet sounding so... tame.

Okay, I take a little break here.

[leandra-kinard]

Okay but, how close were we, really? We all saw the potential and the subtext. That was there, but we also knew that it was no guarantee for it to happen. Studio politics are still a factor. And even on a progressive show, there are limits for actual representation. You cannot make every character queer, because this isn't a show solely for queer audiences. It's a mainstream TV show that, even before bi!Buck, already had above average representation of queer characters.

But the potential was there; the subtext was there. Without knowing for certain because that would be up to Tim to reveal in detail, and he likely never will, I am taking an educated guess here (also based on him once saying they are having the same conversations in the writers' room as we are having in the fandom), that it was always one of the options, in the back of their minds - either Buck is bi, or they're both bi, or maybe Eddie is gay, or it's just Eddie, or none.

The dynamic between Buck and Eddie has always been close, and the great chemistry between Ryan and Oliver contributed to making it even more profound, so of course as a writer who cares about a) potential for good queer rep and b) more importantly authentic characters, you would leave that back door open. You leave some bread crumbs, you include things that would later make it a plausible storyline - IF the overall development of the show makes it feel like it's a good and authentic thing to do, and IF the studio greenlights it.

When you write a show that's ongoing for so many years, you HAVE to follow that multiple possibilities strategy. There are only very few shows that have been mostly planned through from start to finish (and then often kinda failed in that because the story actually wanted to take the writers elsewhere - cough, HIMYM); most procedural shows are written in a "ok, let's see where this goes and plan season by season".

That's as close as we ever were to Buddie. It was ONE of many potential options, highly dependent on studio decisions and the story's and characters' own dynamics.

Now fast forward to 2023/2024, the move to ABC and Tim being back. We know that Tim pitched the story to Oliver early, but we also know (unless that was some kind of misunderstanding/misrepresentation), that it was briefly discussed whether Eddie was going to be the one having some kind of m/m romance arc with Tommy. As we can obviously see, the decision fell on Buck instead because it seemed to make the most sense for the character and probably was more the direction Tim wanted to go into - something light and bright, a romcom, nothing dark and complicated, which it most likely would have been with Eddie; or can you picture an easy-peasy coming out arc for Eddie and find that in character? I can't. So yeah, that's probably why Tim decided against Eddie.

But why not both then? Why should this mean that Buddie as a canon romantic relationship is dead (or at least for the foreseeable future and with the greatest likelihood indefinitely)?

The most obvious reason is what Lori, others and I have mentioned multiple times (and also in this post). Studio decisions.

This is NOT a show for queer audiences. It's a mainstream procedural drama that does have a significant queer demographic among their audience, and good queer representation, but is not solely aimed at and revolving around queer people.

There is a LIMIT of how many characters you can make queer in a show like that.

Had they killed two birds with one stone and gone for a story where Buck and Eddie discover their feelings about each other at roughly the same time or more likely simultaneously, then that might have been something that could have been sold to the general audience. But doing something like that was always risky, always dependent on so many other circumstances. It would have had to be a story where the "shock" of the moment sells it so blatantly that the GA isn't given time to even contemplate how likely they find it that so many members of the 118 are queer. (Which would have been 3/5 main members then).

But such a story would have had to be greenlit, and it also would have needed to feel right, plausible and doable for the authors/Tim.

It obviously wasn't.

And now we have another queer main character, plus another queer recurring character. That is a lot. Meaning, of all the romantic couples involving the mains, we have 3 straight (Bathena, Madney, and I'm counting Marimundo) to 2 queer couples (Henren and Bucktommy). In a general audience, still mostly heteronormative society and studio politics world, that is A LOT of queer characters.

Furthermore, with Buck coming out first, there is an argument against making Eddie interested in men too, that Ryan HAS TALKED ABOUT twice already (and I think Tim once too). It's the implication that a queer man and a straight man cannot have a deep, sort of platonic soulmates level friendship, without it "turning gay" eventually. That is A valid concern that has been brought up. And it's especially valid if Eddie discovered his feelings later rather than that 'two birds one stone' scenario.

Stories like this aren't written and created under a vacuum of what would make sense if these were real people, or what could make for a good story in its own merit, or what would work in fanfiction. Societal context DOES matter. Studio politics DO matter.

All of that put together, I am 99% convinced Buddie is never ever going canon. If we were being realistic, there was a small chance for it to happen before the decision for Buck's arc was made, but it was never as big as many of us deluded themselves to see (myself included), because we saw it in-universe, from a characters' perspective rather than taking those external factors into account.

So, unless studio politics drastically change and decide to make 9-1-1 a show mostly aimed at queer audiences, there's imho no plausible case to be made for Buddie ever happening (anymore).

i had a question, and i'm hoping this comes across as respectful and genuine because i used to love your blog! to preface, i don't need buddie to go canon for me to enjoy it, but i saw your post from a few weeks ago about mourning buddie? and it stuck with me because it made me really sad. i really like bucktommy and i hope buck gets to have a happy ending, i just don't see how bi buck means buddie couldn't happen in the future. esp because so many people are like bi buck has nothing to do with buddie or with eddie. i guess for me, if bi buck has nothing to do with buddie, than why would it mean buddie couldn't happen? does that make sense? like i said, i don't need it to be canon, but i still like that it feels like it could happen, even though on fox it felt like it never could.

It means it couldn't happen (in my opinion - you're free to disagree, plenty of people do) because there is no way in a million years the show is going to make BOTH of them queer. Not gonna happen. I'd be thrilled to be wrong. Buuuut I don't think I am.

Buck being bisexual is NOT about Eddie (in that he is not bisexual because of Eddie or so that he can be with Eddie), but this has nothing to do with the characters. If this were the real world, they could 100% both be queer. Happens all the time. It's not gonna happen on a mainstream procedural that isn't, at the end of the day, about people being queer.

This isn't an in-character, in-universe reason. It's a practical TV production/writing reason.

[laurents-laces]

Notes on Pacat's livestream for this month! It's not a complete summary but you can watch the video on instagram if you missed it. I'm starting with one quote that I thought was important and the rest will be divided by fandom/topic. The part that's under the cut isn't spoilery, it's just cut to keep the post shorter.

“So I use she/her and he/him pronouns. And I guess just to speak really honestly about where I’m at with gender stuff, I identify as genderqueer- at least that’s the term I use when I’m asked publicly about this- but the truth is that, like a lot of people who are not cisgender, I struggle a lot with gender dysphoria. I’m probably trans masculine and it means that in a lot of ways the pronouns decision can feel very fraught for me. When you’re dysphoric, you know, sometimes even thinking about what your pronouns are can be a little bit traumatic. I absolutely love this new era where we are asking people their pronouns and people are free to have whatever gender expression they want. But for me I guess I choose “he” and “her” both together because it alleviates something of that dysphoric pressure for me. But I’m equally fine with either of those. So I just go with the flow there.”

Fence Comic:

Fence volume five is not supposed to be announced yet at all but it’s in the works. Pacat has already seen some of Johanna’s art for it and he feels like she’s gone to a new level with this volume. Pacat is excited for volume five because the boys’ storylines are really starting to take off

Pacat’s favourite Haikyuu character is Kageyama because he likes that character type that appears in nearly every sports drama. Seiji is that same character type. (There’s a character from Hikaru no Go that he compares to Seiji too but I didn’t catch the name)

Fence is written in a “shounen level up” structure

Pacat wants to read The Foxhole Court because it’s a seminal m/m romance and a lot of people brought it up after Fence got published, but he’ll probably wait until after Fence is done because he doesn’t want to be influenced by any similarities

Captive Prince:

We’ll find out what The News is “soon”

The Laurent’s hair debate is funny because his hair length is described in the books, but nobody cares about Damen’s hair length even though it isn’t described at all

There’s going to be a Japanese box set for capri in December, it looks spectacular

The funny thing about the Japanese version is that when capri was first published, western publishing didn't know what to do with it. It was published as a different genre in every country. But Japan was like “this is a BL light novel.” That's exactly what it is, you've nailed it Japan. Pacat loves the Japanese covers

Capri got a lot of weird western covers because people didn't want to telegraph that the book was gay. The Brazilian covers look like such a male het dude fantasy, and the Australian cover is so enigmatic that you can't tell what it's about. One time at Comic Con there were a lot of US marines there, and they came over to Pacat’s booth and picked up captive prince. Pacat could tell that the cover wasn't telling them everything they needed to know.

About why Laurent didn’t ever get help from Kempt: What Pacat tried to do with the map in capri was make Kempt so inaccessible through the Great Northern Forests that it was hard to get help from them in time, but that's a bit of a questionable part of the plot

Pacat’s pronunciation of Laurent’s name isn’t the most accurate because no one in Akielos and Vere is saying it with an Australian accent, so you really want to get a French person to pronounce it

Pacat might change his mind at some point, but the story of capri is complete for the moment. He likes stories that have an end. Additional material can act as a series killer when the story overstays its welcome

Pacat learned a lot about the structure of the hero's journey while writing capri. He thought it was a really easy, simple structure but it's actually really hard and unforgiving. If you mess up a single step the story feels broken

Captive Prince has elements of a hero's journey but really the A plot is a romance. Pacat did his best with the hero’s journey in Dark Rise but it was a huge learning curve, it was the hardest thing by far about writing the book

Dark Rise:

The Dark Rise trilogy is completely planned out, Pacat knows what will happen down to the last word

Book two will delve more deeply into the past, history and backstories of the characters; we're gonna learn a lot more about the old world. The romance will be explored a little more deeply. It's more “on page gay” than book one. Pacat is two thirds of the way through writing the manuscript. The book doesn’t have a release date yet but the manuscript is due in June

It’s been hard to get Dark Rise in the UK because they have to import the books, but Harpercollins US just agreed to do full distribution to the UK so Dark Rise should be in stores there soon

Dark Rise is in its second printing in the US and Australia but if you pre-ordered you'll get a first edition even if you haven't received the book yet. There have been a lot of COVID-related shipping delays

Pacat chose the names Will and James in two different ways. The first way was that he looked at a lot of censuses from the 1800s because he wanted to choose names people would actually have had, and the two most popular boys' names were Will and James. A lot of people tell him that the two main characters in Clockwork Princess have the same names. He hasn't read that series because it's set in the same time period as Dark Rise and he doesn’t want to be influenced by it but he wonders if Cassandra Clare chose their names the same way he did

The second reason for their names was that Pacat had something to say about pastoral English fantasies. We're so colonized by the idea of Englishness, England is the cultural true North. Australia doesn't have a lot of typical fantasy things like a medieval period, a cold north, a thick forest, castles, sieges, or walls. Those things don’t resonate with Australians but they're still colonized by those ideas. Those books taught what a hero was and Dark Rise is a push back against all of that. Those heroes are always called Will, it's a heroic name. “I wanted to take that Will and *smiles and makes a ripping apart motion with his hands*”

Pacat pronounces Sarcean like Sar-see-en but readers are free to choose the pronunciation they like best because it's not like people in 1800s England had an Australian accent

The scenes he most enjoyed writing in Dark Rise were the ending and both of the unicorn stabbing scenes

Most of the stories about unicorn horns say that they have truth-telling properties when they’re ground into powder, but Pacat thought it would be much more interesting if you had to stab someone with it

He had appointments with historians in Castleton where the inn is in Dark Rise

He often hires a historian to start background research on certain topics because they have an easier time knowing what to look for and where to find primary sources

Personal Things:

When Pacat lived in Tokyo he had an apartment in Jingumae in Harajuku

His family immigrated to Australia from Calabria, Italy after WWII when his mom was eight. He can speak a bit of dialect but he would sound like an old lady because he learned from his grandma

Pacat used to be really into Chinese dramas like the Legend of Fu Yao and Legend of the Condor Heroes. He hasn't watched a lot of the new danmei dramas but he really liked the Untamed

He enjoyed The Cruel Prince by Holly Black, he’s loved her stuff since Valiant and Ironside and the Spiderwick Chronicles

Pacat used to write fanfic for a lot of obscure Japanese fandoms like Hikaru no Go and Utena. He wasn’t a very popular fic author, he wrote gen character vignettes that no one read. The first romance he wrote was capri. He never wrote Harry Potter fic

[matchstickdolly]

Lucifer 5B: Cutting off Touch to Spite Your Fans

Spoiler warning: This post assumes you've watched all of Lucifer, season 5, part B.

CW: There's plenty I like about season 5, but this is a negative post. I know not everyone is up for negativity about the things they love. I also generally avoid it and (try to) keep my mouth shut about things I don’t like in most spaces. It’s good etiquette. But this is my space, and I have thoughts specifically about purity culture and the treatment of sexuality and trauma in fiction. You’ve been warned!

---

I'm a professional writer (not in TV). I've worked with enough bad clients, editors, and other writers to recognize some hallmark behaviors in how both Fox and Netflix gave Lucifer's writers incredibly difficult, unfair, and frankly weird situations to create through.

Fox did them dirty, interfering and ordering too many eps in S3. Netflix did them dirty, ordering 10 eps for S4 when it clearly needed ~13. Then Netflix ordered 10 "final" eps for S5—then, just kidding(!), 6 more after they'd done their writing for the 10. (What the fuck?) And then Netflix ordered 10 more for a "final-final" S6 after the writers had done their best to tell their whole story in S5. (MORE what the fuck.)

Talk about whiplash for creators, and half of those who consume content don't even care to understand such creative pain.

So, there are problems on multiple fronts. There's much I'll forgive writers, accordingly. I go into most shows expecting plotting/pacing issues. I look, instead, for characters and relationships that will triumph over those issues.

Heart is what the show Lucifer has always had in spades, both in its characters and in the immensely committed, wonderful ways the actors have tried to realize the characters' humor, love, trauma, and—most importantly—struggle to find healing. Yet, when given the opportunity to show health alongside another in a relationship, the writers/directors of 5B chose to remove most sexual humor and physical intimacy from their female lead and bi/pan characters to, I feel, sanitize them and troll fans. What happened?

Well, for one, say hi to showrunner Joe Henderson bragging about how the writers decided to be colossal dicks to the fans who helped secure their jobs:

From CBR's 'Lucifer Showrunner Joe Henderson Dissects Season 5B's Chaos'

Have we not suffered sidelined/repressed female characters, "bury your gays," and, oh, Chloe fucking a serial killer enough? Must we also say hello to neutered relationships once characters find stable love (whether same or opposite sex)? The result of withdrawing more sexual humor and physical intimacy from paired characters is an uncomfortable suggestion that they're reformed by "pure" love—more chaste and aloof, more acceptable in polite society. This is only done to end-game committed relationships.*

The writers seem to think they're edging the viewers, but the reality is they're taking traumatized minority characters who rejoiced in sexual freedom, but lacked and craved an emotional connection, and showing they can't have both, or, if they find both, it will never last. They've taken hypersexual characters and said, here, even they can have the love and commitment they desire, but some physical intimacy, especially sexual intimacy, is what they must trade for it.

There's always one more case, phone call, or coincidence interrupting intimacy. Traumas or deaths deserving emotional and physical comfort go on to receive none or only one aspect. Done sometimes, it's fine. Done always, it's sick. Dan dies, and there's no hugging? Really?†

Don't craft characters who crave a full range of emotional and physical intimacy, only to rob them of related scenes every chance you get. That's not complexity. That's bad writing. To even achieve this in 5B, they must squash banter and sideline their female lead yet again.

What a gift to purity culture, which tells us to be more palatable by bottling and buttoning up. That sex should be taboo, but violence glorified. That there is no heated desire among "Good Women," that sexual minorities of all genders shouldn't experience it much at all.

5A is so good. At the very least, it's on the right path (clearly, since the plot payoff from 5x01 to 5x16 is great). It shows a couple working through difficulties and trauma, toward each other emotionally and physically. It even pokes fun at people who think an established relationship means the death of romantic and sexual appeal (a tired and hugely sexist trope). And then... And then 5B reverses that, pretending established relationships are barely physical during emotional struggle and that the honeymoon phase doesn't exist. It robs characters of joy and comfort through physical intimacy when they need it to move through or push beyond trauma.

It's telling that so many fan wishes for Deckerstar are about healing touch and existing in each other's spaces: amending Chloe's spicy PDA history with Cain, Chloe caring for Lucifer's wings, soft family scenes a la Monopoly night and shared meals, morning-afters, etc. Reasonable fans aren't asking for porn; they're asking for connection and humanity. They're asking for writers not to forget characters (and, yes, including hypersexual characters) on their way from Point A to Point B.

That 5B lacks these things isn't a "tee-hee frustrating" slow burn or a cockblock. It is, in so many scenes, excising from characters a core part of what nearly every human and fictional monster craves. And it's a slap in the face to the "found family" trope. When you remove or tamp down a casual physical intimacy that was previously there, characters and their relationships fall flat, even if only partially. They become blunt weapons creators wield against watchers or readers begging for scraps of warmth.

Minorities shouldn't be killed off with ease, and they shouldn't be stifled with ease, either.‡ And maybe there shouldn't be deep trauma driving a wedge in a romantic relationship if you're not going to explore it through that relationship, too—physical intimacy included.

I'm still reserving some judgment. I loved the family drama and the end. (Although, again, where was the physical intimacy? No intimacy when Chloe or Lucifer return from the dead? Really?) I see where they could do awesome things, and could have done more if not for network BS.

But I no longer trust Lucifer's writers and directors. They thought S5 was the end. And what they gave us of Deckerstar, of the relationship that symbolizes health and healing in their fictional world, is this: cold distance. And they got a kick out of doing it, apparently.

If this is a "love letter" to me as a fan, I'm burning it. I can only hope S6 course corrects. If not, the writers who made these choices shouldn't write sexual minority and/or traumatized characters again. If you don't understand most of us, you should stop fucking using us.

---

* If you don't believe me about the differences between casual/short-term relationships and end-game relationships in Lucifer, go back and look at how Lucifer and Maze are with strangers in all the other seasons. Look at Chloe's sex dream, her propositioning of Lucifer in a library, her sex with Pierce in the evidence closet. Look at how much physical intimacy there is between Lucifer and Eve, and then between Eve and Maze (if only as a ploy). Across seasons, there are sex/kink jokes and scenes galore.

Compare this to how these same characters are portrayed when with their end-game loves. Notice the gentle pecks on the lips and the huge general drop in sexual humor between 5A and 5B. How boring. Where's the spice these characters had? Also, give me a damn break. Buttoning up in a relationship is contrary to four and a half seasons of emotional character work that's been communicating security in our relationships is personally freeing.

† I'm not just talking about sexual intimacy in this post, though that is a big part of it because of the characters. 5B lacked crucial found family scenes, too.

Chloe should have been at God's family dinner, but being so would have prevented more ham-fisted angst. Chloe never even has a one-on-one with God, probably because that would demand a straight answer about her miracle status, which I would guess will be used to drive yet another wedge between her and Lucifer next season, but we'll see.

In multiple before- and after-work scenes, there was no reason for Lucifer and Chloe to be apart more, even, than they were in S1 and S2. Monopoly night was in S3, for crying out loud. Most horrifying of all? No one touches Chloe after Dan's death, but Trixie. Meanwhile, Linda, Amenadiel, Ella, Maze, and Lucifer all receive physical comfort. No wonder Chloe's tired of being strong.

‡ If you don't think it's offensive that they stuffed all their wlw content for two hypersexual characters into a few clunky, irrational, and chaste scenes that rushed I love yous, a marriage-like proposal, and the mention of soulmates, I don't know what to tell you other than get off my lawn.

[yenforfairytales]

Assuming that Silver comes into S4 just as rich, bored, and unhinged as he was in KK3, my One Fear is that if the co-dojo loses the tournament he would ask for something like Daniel to be his servant or return to him as a student, etc. Like Kreese hates him and wants him dead, but Terry seems invested in metaphorically scooping out Daniel empty and replacing his insides with something else. People are like his bonsai that way, but Terry isn't interested in shaping Daniel to be his best self...

That is a very valid fear... Hoo boy you got me deep in the feels.

First of all, yes, I one hundred percent believe Terry has been just as bored as he's ever been. Probably moreso than in KK3. From the little we were shown he seems to find the business side of things and people in his life very dull. There's no challenge. He holds the power in every relationship and situation he's in. It's not until he starts scheming and hanging out with Daniel that he seems to be really living instead of just existing.

I think we're going to see a s4 Terry having the time of his life. He's going to go from his world being a black and white television to full on technicolor. Especially after being around Daniel again, in whatever capacity that is. Whether it's more aggressively antagonistic or appearing as a friend again. I think it could go either way.

Secondly, I think that Cobra Kai WILL win the next tournament. Mostly because the writers have planned up to six seasons and I don't see Kreese peacing out after losing in s4 like he promised lol. Season 5 will probably be more training for another tournament in Season 6. And all the drama in between.

And adding those together, your One Fear is extremely plausible. Cobra Kai is going to have the leverage and the power. They'll have Robby. And if there's one thing Terry knows how to do it is exploiting a weakness.

I'm sure he'll threaten Daniel with hurting Robby if he doesn't do as he asks. And Daniel is the self-sacrificing type that he wouldn't hesitate to submit. Although, I'm hoping that when Robby witnesses how they treat Daniel and what Daniel is willing to give up for him, Robby will return to the light.

There's several ways like you mentioned it could go. Kreese and Silver could use Daniel as a punching bag, but I like the idea of Silver wanting Daniel to be his student again. It's so dark and angsty. It's so perfect.

Terry seems invested in metaphorically scooping out Daniel empty and replacing his insides with something else.

THIS. You gave me chills. What a great line. Watching KK3 it's clear that Terry revels in bringing out Daniel's dark side-- the killer instinct as he and Kreese call it. It all started off as a ploy to hurt Miyagi by hurting his student, but Terry's sole focus quickly becomes all about Daniel. Miyagi who? Lol.

I have this theory that Terry genuinely liked Daniel. There's several instances of Terry being surprised at how quickly Daniel learns something. How fast he heals. How Daniel enjoys Terry's little jokes and sayings.

"You like that, Mr. LaRusso?"

Terry happily says that twice to Daniel. It's like he really enjoyed having a student. And the sheer amount of glee and pride he shows when Daniel broke the wooden dummy. When he punched that guy in the nightclub. It seemed genuine to me. And that's without all the gay subtext. KK3 is so gay you guys. I have to make a separate post about the nightclub scene. You will not believe. I'll link it to the bottom here. There was literally no reason for Terry to follow Daniel that night, to take him out back into the alleyway alone. Like what was your plan Terry. Where were you going.

And then of course later that same night when Daniel tells Terry he'll no longer be fighting, Terry looks so disappointed. Disappointed and then pissed. Nobody says "no" to Terry Silver. Nobody. Not even Kreese. Gone is the proud sensei. Silver becomes even more unhinged when Daniel tries to leave him. I swear KK3 plays out like a Lifetime Original Movie about stalking and abusive boyfriends.

Anyway, I got a little off track there. My point is I can easily see Terry trying to corrupt Daniel once again. Someone that thinks like he does and can be shaped how he wants him? Perfect. And I think Terry sees a little of himself in Daniel. How he used to be. And like Kreese, Terry thinks his old self was weak, and can be something more. In a parallel to how Kreese thinks of Johnny.

This brings me to what you said about Kreese's motives in comparison to Silver's, and how that might affect their relationship.

I think it's safe to say that Kreese is also obsessed with Daniel lol. I mean who isn't heh. But it's definitely more hate-fueled than anything.

If the show goes the way of Silver hyper fixating on Daniel again, I think we'll see that put a huge strain on the friendship. They won't be on the same page.

I mean I think it would be amazing and ironic to show their war forged bond break after all these years in a mirror to Johnny and Daniel coming together and uniting.

And possibly, either Kreese or Silver could be redeemed. It depends on who cares about their student more. Hear me out lmao

If Kreese really cares about Johnny, he's not going to like what Terry does to him. Because let's face it, Terry isn't going to have any great love for Johnny Lawrence. Those two are going to butt heads and trade insults and I can't wait. So it's possible Kreese could turn on Terry if he goes too far in his attempts to destroy Johnny.

And the same goes for Terry and Daniel. How far will Terry let Kreese push things, especially if Terry tries to bring Daniel over to the Cobra Kai side(you can't tell me Terry won't be proud of Daniel's rent hike). Terry is a control freak and if Kreese doesn't do as Terry thinks he should, I can see Terry betraying him. A rift is inevitable y'all. There's a reason CK gives us young Terry and Kreese in flashbacks and it's not just so we'll feel sorry for them. One of them is going to pull a Darth Vader and see the light. But probably not until the end of the series.

There's a line in the kk1 novel:

They'll be their own downfall.

How fun. It's going to be a wild, painful ride. My body is ready.

Another thing I'd like to see in the show regarding Terry and Daniel, is their music together from the KK3 movie. Terry manipulating Daniel again is the perfect opportunity to callback to their old themes. @wantedtourist made a beautiful post HERE about a couple of the songs and I'd like to talk about it more but I'll make a separate post, linked below.

Thank you for the ask! I could talk about these boys for hours.

--

Part Two: Terry Silver's Theme Songs

Part Three: The Nightclub Scene

[punkscowardschampions]

Jac & Amelia

Jac: Are you okay? My parents would've paid for a cab if they weren't sober enough to drive you back Amelia: My dad was [somewhere nearby cos JJ live in town] Jac: Oh, right Jac: you seized your opportunity then, alright Jac: Is still should've gone with to make sure Amelia: I didn't want her to, she was in too excitable a mood Jac: lol, can't really fault you that Jac: you got a headache, yeah? Amelia: I got the aura so I knew it was time to leave, last time I ignored that I was sick everywhere Jac: That's fair Jac: you do not want that unless you've had a really wild night Amelia: sorry I didn't say bye Jac: well that's okay, if you didn't have time Jac: we were just worried Amelia: is Is okay? I was probably a bit rude to her Jac: Don't worry, she seems fine Jac: you know her Amelia: yeah Amelia: alright cool Jac: make sure you stay hydrated, yeah Jac: and no more screentime Amelia: I'll 😴 it off if I can Jac: Sounds like a plan 🙂 Amelia: it sounds 😕 but I couldn't stay Jac: you can't help that you get migraines Jac: it must be so crap for you Amelia: we've all got crap to deal with Amelia: I wouldn't swap Sav for hers Jac: 😢 I know Jac: she deals so well, considering how fresh it all is Amelia: Where's her boyfriend at? It's not technically a night you can get away with chucking fireworks at your mates or cars Jac: Out on the lash with his mates Jac: or something Amelia: very supportive Jac: yeah, I know Jac: oh well, she had us Amelia: you, you mean Jac: are you not her friend too? Amelia: that's up for debate, but she'd win it over me Amelia: so it probably depends what she wants the answer to be Amelia: and who's asking Jac: She definitely views you as a friend Amelia: okay Jac: No, come on, you don't think she does? Amelia: I know she doesn't Jac: Why do you think that? Amelia: I know it because she's said a handful of words to me lately & all of them are in some way bitchy or patronising Jac: How many have you said to her? Jac: and how nice have you been to her? Amelia: I don't like her, I'm not going to act like I do Jac: Then the issue is a you thing, isn't it Jac: Savannah does like you, and it's not really on to say you know otherwise, simply because that's how you feel about her Amelia: no, it's a me and her clash Amelia: it isn't one-sided Jac: Okay, if you say so Jac: but I don't see her trying to start anything with you, and like I said, I've told you she's told me privately that she likes you Jac: she knows you aren't her biggest fan though Amelia: she would say that to you Jac: Now you're being ridiculous Amelia: no I'm not, she wants me to look like I'm the dickhead and it's clearly working Jac: well no, what she wants is friends who can support her through this tough time and not make her life any more shit Jac: I really do not think she has the time, never mind the desire, to play games to make you look like some kind of villain ??? Jac: we seriously do not need to be that dramatic about things Amelia: fine Jac: it clearly isn't but I'm not going to agree with you Jac: you're not feeling well right now, you're just lashing out Amelia: you sound as patronising as her now Jac: for giving you an excuse for your behaviour? Jac: it's being gracious Amelia: I don't need to be fucking excused Amelia: I haven't done anything wrong Jac: You're being rude to Savannah and now you're being rude to me Jac: you're attacking and saying you're being attacked Jac: just calm down and we can come back to this when you aren't in such a state Amelia: yeah because she's the only one whose dramatics you indulge Amelia: I haven't been rude to her, I've made an effort Amelia: it doesn't change my opinion Jac: You're accusing her of having some plot right now, also of not liking you, being bitchy and patronising...yeah, that's rude, Amelia Jac: and oddly enough, when she went off crying, it was not about you Jac: call it dramatics if you want, but I'd say her home life situation warrants more empathy and listening to than whatever this idea, about us being against you or something, that you've concocted does Amelia: I'm not on her radar when she isn't subtly slagging me off or wishing I'd fuck off, obviously it wasn't about me Amelia: the latter is way less subtle though Jac: You're right in that I'm not indulging this Jac: you're just wrong, that's it Jac: but if you won't listen to reason, and me, then there's nothing else I can do to change your mind Amelia: you wanting me to be wrong doesn't make me wrong Jac: you having no proof for her dislking you, bar the fact you dislike her, doesn't make it true Jac: if you want to walk around thinking people have a problem with you when they don't, that's your call Jac: it's sad but it's clearly an internal issue Amelia: there's proof in every group chat if you want to go back & read it Jac: the fact you're in a group chat together, to plan to do stuff, to talk, kinda negates that Amelia: no it doesn't Jac: totally, when you hate someone and want them to fuck off, you choose to spend time talking to them when you don't have to Amelia: she doesn't spend any time talking to me Jac: well it isn't a private chat Jac: do you expect her to ignore me and Is? Jac: if you wanna have a 1x1 she'd be more than happy, like Amelia: Oh, she ignores Is plenty Amelia: but that's not my fight to have Jac: 🙄 I can assure you, we understand how DMs work Jac: if we wanted to talk just us, we would, and do Jac: and Is seems fine to me, like I said Amelia: great Jac: 🤷 okay then Amelia: 👋 Jac: I hope you feel better when you wake up Amelia: thanks Jac: Night Amelia: goodnight Jac: [hope you do go to sleep so you don't see those gay ass stories] Amelia: [you know she will because she's not actually sick soz gal] Jac: [i mean, you do have 24 hours so bit of a long shot when you're this in love lol] Amelia: [everyone gonna be seeing it including Ty who has been lowkey ignored all night as well] Amelia: [we should say she writes something but then deletes it so Jac only knows she deleted it for the sheer gay drama of it] Jac: [none of y'all got invites to this sleepover, but yes 1000%] Jac: ? Amelia: 🤨 Jac: butt-dial? Amelia: why would I be sitting on my phone? Amelia: I'm not thrashing about with a 🤒 Jac: I don't know why you'd delete a message either Jac: unless you sent me something really 💦 meant for someone else, in which case I wanna know anyway Amelia: I can nurse myself Amelia: though there are loads of lads who would put me to sleep Jac: 🙀 Amelia! Amelia: no Amelia: 🥱 NOT whatever you're thinking Jac: Sure 😉😂 Amelia: 😣 Jac: So grouchy Jac: I'd know if you were texting someone Amelia: would you? Jac: of course Jac: what secret have you ever kept from me? Amelia: I didn't need to before Jac: you don't need to now Jac: you aren't going to shock me with your thirst Amelia: I'm staying hydrated like you instructed Amelia: there's nothing to tell, which is why I pressed delete Jac: What did you say? Amelia: if I repeat it there was literally no point in deleting it Amelia: so no, nothing Jac: Well why did you? Amelia: because it's 😳 Jac: how 😳 can it be Jac: we've known each other at our most cringe Amelia: that was us both being awkward not just me making a massive tit of myself Jac: rude Jac: you're meant to disagree Amelia: alright, I'll lie Jac: you're already being very sneaky, you may as well Amelia: okay Jac: no, tell me, dickhead! Amelia: rude Jac: you're rude Jac: you know you can't just take back a message Amelia: I have & I win Jac: you can't do it without leaving evidence Jac: and I'm not just going to drop it Amelia: 🙄 Jac: why are you saying shit to my virtual face then Amelia: how else am I supposed to speak to you? Jac: I'm not going to apparate into your room 'cos you fancy having a go Jac: don't be a baby, what did you say Amelia: maybe I was saying sorry but you're so undeserving I took it back Amelia: that'd be fitting Jac: oh right, your whole conspiracy theory Jac: you forgot for a hot sec you believed in that, yeah, sure Amelia: it's typical of you to only give a shit about what I'm trying to say when I'm not saying it anymore Jac: you left without saying anything earlier Jac: then you wouldn't speak to me 'cos you were in a huff but yeah, pop off Amelia: I didn't have time to search your 🏠 for you earlier Jac: and I said it was okay but don't act like I was ignoring you Amelia: you were Amelia: but I get it, Savannah's in greater need Jac: oh my God, do you actually get it though Jac: like could you Jac: because this is really gross Amelia: of course I do, her parents are mental and it's horrible Jac: I mean, nicely put Jac: so you don't need to be snippy with me about needing to spend like 10 minutes alone so she can talk about it without my whole family standing around Amelia: I was the one who told you, ages ago, so you already know what I mean Amelia: and I'm not, I'm explaining why I left without saying anything before you hold it against me any harder Jac: you aren't just explaining though, because that was never the question Jac: you said I was ignoring YOU Jac: I said it was fine you left, you had a migraine Amelia: because it's not just about 10 minutes alone so she can cry on your shoulder and you fucking know it's not Jac: you don't like her Amelia: she takes over everything, including my birthday Jac: She was just trying to make sure you had a nice time Amelia: then why didn't I? Amelia: if she really cares so much about what I want, why wasn't it perfect? Jac: She's not a miracle worker Jac: I'm just saying she tried, can you fault someone for having good intentions? Amelia: she cares about you two having a good time, she doesn't try with me Amelia: because guess what, chucking money at something doesn't actually count Amelia: you used to know that Jac: you can't say how much she does or doesn't try Jac: maybe she's really trying, and I happen to think she is, and I've got it on better authority than you Jac: as you said, it's not as if she's had close friends before really Jac: you could give her a break instead of being ungrateful about it Amelia: you could give me a break Jac: no, you're being mean Jac: and blaming her for problems you're having Jac: like how dare she treat you? Amelia: the problem is that you used to care how I feel about things and apparently now you don't Jac: I can care without indulging pointless bitchery Jac: if you told me what was actually wrong with you, I'd listen, I'd do whatever I could to help, you know that Amelia: no, you're not listening Jac: You aren't saying anything Jac: you keep slagging Savannah off, and I counter that and then you stop Jac: what is actually going on Amelia: I've been saying the same thing this entire time, for fuck's sake Jac: When you wanna say what's actually going on with you, and think about that in a way that doesn't involve Savannah Jac: then I'm here waiting Amelia: I don't want to spend time with her, I want to spend it with you Amelia: Why can't we literally EVER? Why does she have to be involved in literally everything? Jac: We do spend time without her Jac: but we can't exclude her when she wants to be involved, she's our friend Amelia: she's not my friend Amelia: I'm trying, I am Jac: okay, she's my friend though Jac: we can spend time together, alright Amelia: okay Jac: pick a day, pick something to do, let me know Amelia: sure, put me on the spot Jac: 🙄 god, not RIGHT now Jac: but give me something more committal than that 'okay' or it won't happen Amelia: okay!! Amelia: are you happy now? Amelia: I just said how much I miss you Jac: like I'm that desperate for attention, again, rude Amelia: clearly not if I have to be the one begging you for yours Jac: oh hush Jac: I invited you to something like, literally 5 seconds ago Jac: you were the one that ruined it with your 🤕 Amelia: I didn't mean to ruin anything Jac: I'm joking Jac: I'll survive Amelia: I'm serious Amelia: and sorry, obviously Jac: it's fine, actually fine Jac: you shouldn't worry about it Amelia: if you want me to try harder, I'll try harder, alright Jac: I'd appreciate it Jac: I think she would too, and you Jac: getting along would just be easier Jac: you don't have to be like, her own personally cheerleader Amelia: I can't work miracles either Jac: you said you'd try Jac: I don't know why it's so hard for you but I can't really ask more than that Amelia: you really don't get it? Jac: No, I really don't Amelia: okay Jac: I'll leave you to it Amelia: bye again Jac: You have planning to do Amelia: you love a competition Amelia: what happens if I lose? Jac: What competition? Jac: I'm not planning anything Amelia: so it's a test instead Amelia: it's the same question Jac: we can still hang out, as you asked Jac: I'll just be bored if you pick something boring, I suppose Amelia: when have I EVER picked anything boring? Jac: 🤷 Jac: we'll see Amelia: don't 🤷 at me Amelia: you've never been bored Jac: you're so touchy 😂 Jac: I can't do anything Friday, by the way, so don't pick Friday Amelia: do you want to assign me a day? Jac: Probably Sunday Jac: I'm working after school every other day Jac: Saturday is up in the air right now Amelia: alright Jac: free time is just not a thing I have Amelia: I know, I'm not touchy about that bit Jac: I'm not going to sit here and tell you you're not boring, Amelia Jac: what kind of midlife crisis Amelia: Shut up, I don't need that from you Amelia: I'm well aware Jac: 👉😠 Amelia: you don't need to teach me sign language either Jac: you're gonna side with the 12 year old asshole on that, are you Jac: yeah that's about right mentality wise 🙄 Amelia: according to you there aren't any sides, we're all friends and everything is 🌹y Amelia: so no Jac: Jude isn't our friend, she's my sister and she's a little bitch sometimes Amelia: yeah, again, I know Amelia: Savannah's the one who needs family introductions Jac: She knows who everyone is Jac: you're being so whiny, it's just annoying now Amelia: leave me to it then, that's what you said you were going to do Jac: Yeah, and I definitely will now Jac: christ, is it any wonder I'm not electing to spend time with just you Jac: think about it Amelia: It's already all I think about Amelia: I don't want to fight with you Jac: it's not hard, Amelia Jac: as I said, Savannah doesn't devote her time to bitching about you, or anyone else Jac: nor does she walk around with a massive strop on all the time Amelia: I'm sorry Amelia: what do you want me to say? Jac: Just stop acting like this Amelia: I'm not acting like anything, that's the problem Amelia: it's how I feel Jac: You're gonna have to sort it out Jac: it's not healthy for you Jac: or good for us or anyone else Amelia: I said I'll try Jac: you've got to Jac: it's for your own best interest Amelia: yeah Jac: yeah Amelia: 👋

[victorscanero]

FELT// Chapter two [tyrus]

Hey okay guys so the rest of the book will in cyrus' pov sorry of thid makes anything confusing I deeply apologize.

If you haven't seen chapter one that's here:

It's been weeks since Amber and I first hung out and we have been hanging out every day since. We have hung out so much that buffy and Andi were getting jealous, After I told Amber she suggested that the we have a mini party while her parents are out, Nothing crazy just a few friends of amber and T.J. that way there isn't so much pressure. "You would sit through Jandi drama for me?" I asked in aw. Amber gave me a look "Jandi...drama?" She asked clueless. "Jonah and Andi. it's their ship name." I sighed disappointed at my friends lack of fandom knowledge. "Right...anyways if it gets too bad I'll just talk to you but I think I can handle it." she laughed "and T.J. is going to agree to this?" "And is T.J. gonna agree with what?" T.J. asked slowly looking towards Amber. "Small party tonight! very tiny but you can invite reed and lester." Amber smiled hoping he would just go along with "Why would I do that when I could just hang out with reed and lester in my room?" He asked "because the party has to look chill and laid back and unforced." Amber said  "So to not make it look forced you're going to force me?" T.J. rose an eyebrow and I couldn't help but laugh at how ridiculous it must seem. T.J. and Amber to both break eye contact and looked at me "This really is crazy maybe we should just deal with the forced awkwardness of hanging out with buffy and Andi" "No, I'll do it." T.J. said "but it is crazy" he smiled at both of ud before turning around and leaving. Amber rolled her eyes and we began planning.

-------------------------------------------------------------                       

The party seemed to be going well Jonah,gus and walker were hitting it off and Andi and Buffy were off to a fresh start there were others, but none that I really cared to talk to, that was until I saw T.J. alone at a table.

“What happened to your friends” I asked pulling out a chair to the right of T.J. at the end of the table he seemed taken back I assumed it was because the most I've spoken to him in the past weeks were when he would answer the door, but even then he just called for Amber and left.

After a moment, he replied. “Lester is looking for pudding despite my attempts of telling him we don't have any and I sent reed home.” he said “why'd you send reed home?” I asked letting my curiosity take hold. he raised an eyebrow and I began to regret prying “Do you always ask intruding questions?” but then laughed “Reed is... complicated.” he adding shaking his head “Great friend, but we are very different.” here's where I realized I made the mistake of assuming I knew who T.J. was. “I also might have gotten tired of his comments about my sister”  he said causing me to laugh “Just tell him to ask her out she's been dying to use one of her reject lines” I smiled turning to where she was at i watched as her and Andi were dancing and for a moment I thought maybe she could lime her too

Just for a moment though because before i could blink Jonah was pulling her away. her smile falling only for a moment before turning around and sitting next to amber

“Cyrus?” I heard turning my head “yeah?” I asked looking at T.J. “You didn't hear me did you?” he said looking amused my face fell “Sorry I was seeing how Amber and Andi were doing.” truthfully that happened a lot, me getting distracted worrying about other people but he didn't need to know that. “Yeah so was I” he said still looking at amber when he turned to me i guess he could see my confusion because he then asked me a question i wasn't sure how to answer “Amber likes Andi, doesn't she?” i thought I sensed a bit of sadness in his voice and hoped it was because she didn't tell her and not it was a girl that she liked I waited too long to respond i know I did silence says a lot but i answered him anyways “I think if you want to know something about Amber, you should ask Amber.”

I partly felt like it was my fault he asked. If I lied and said i was just say dreaming, the conversation would have been off them and T.J. wouldn't have asked.

“How are my favorite boys doing?” Amber perked between us a hand touching each of our shoulder “We were doing fine before you showed up.” T.J. joked causing me to smile because relief of T.J. being mad at her went away.  “Aw! that's what i said when you were born.” she took a seat beside me “Amber we're twins” T.J. said in a duh tone. Amber reached her arms back pretending to stretch “best 8 minutes of my life” she sighed “So how exactly do we kick everyone out of the house now that you guys are… Shall I say friends? We should watch the conjuring tonight.” she smiled “I'm down” T.J. smiled clamping his hand on my shoulder and getting up “IT WAS NICE HAVING EVERYONE COME AGAIN NEXT TIME” he shouted at the 10 people in the living room “well that's a passive aggressive way to tell someone to get out” I smiled walking to sat the living room and saying bye to buffy and walker before she left i couldn't find andi and jonah so I assumed they had gone home. After about 15 minutes the house was cleared. “I told him” Amber smiled “told who what?” I asked “i told T.J. said i looked really happy talking to andi and then said i always look happy when i talked about andi so he asked me if i liked her and i may have ended up telling him i liked girls and he was cool with it.” my face dropped and i took her hand and smiled “Amber! That's great I'm so happy for you!” I said and i meant it i was unbelievably happy for her. “yeah i know” she was still smiling “Can you spend the night?” “yeah but I have to walk to my house first and get some things first.” I said “T.J.!” Amber called from the room we were in and T.J. came in seconds later “yeah?” “Cyrus is spending the night so can we take him to get his clothes?” Amber asked “Yeah if we can go now I'm ready to watch the movie” he said

I forgot all about the movie I thought I could sneak past it but seeing as T.J. is excited for it and I want to have some kind of connection with him i decided to just deal with it.

The car ride there was nostalgic fergie bops Glamorous, big girls don't cry, and london Bridge. Most people i know listened to these songs but i was still shocked to see T.J. sing all the lyrics to fergalicious. Me and Amber were both in the back screaming the lyrics along with him and when we got to my house only Amber ran in with me. I told my mom I would be back tomorrow around 6:00 and we left. Amber begged to stop by the store and seeing a neither me or T.J. wanted to go in we both stayed in the car.

“So” T.J. turned around to face me “ I know about Amber.” he seemed happier than when I first found out he suspected it. “And you're okay with it?” I asked finding that having a conversation with T.J. was becoming less and less forced. He nodded “I'm just really happy she's happy” he smiled “Plus it is a relief knowing she won't ever date reed just to piss me off again”

I laughed at that “Again?” I questioned he raised an eyebrow “She didn't tell you?” I shook my head “ofcourse she didn't tell you she was probably embarrassed. Anyways, well In 6th grade i broke a vase, it wasn't important and it was 10 dollars but,  i blamed it on Amber anyways. She didn't get in trouble she actually got a hug for crying at my accusations but she was out for revenge anyways and ending up dating reed for a whole week. He cheated which obviously amber didn't care since she had zero feelings for him but to this day she regrets it because reed thinks that's whole reason she won't get back together with him” he explained the story and it was my turn to raise an eyebrow “No one thought to tell him she never had feelings for him? That could end this whole thing.” I laughed surprised.

“Reed hitting on amber has been a thing since elementary school no matter how much either of us complain the moment Reed gets into a real relationship and stops will be a very sad day” he said before I could reply I heard a known on the trunk and turned to see Amber, her figure disappearing behind the hood as she lifted it up.

“You heard all of that and we will make sure she knows you know.” T.J. smiled at me before turning back around. Amber came in the car and I couldn't help but make the first punch. “it's funny you have a crush on andi who has short hair and dated reed who has short hair… you must have a type” I smiled innocently “T.J. YOU TOLD HIM” she pulled the strings on her hoodie hiding her face “Sorry I couldn't help it, you can't just let your friends stay alone with me and not expect me to tell your darkest secrets!” he cranked up the car beginning to drive off “T.J. thought you were in love with me when we first started hanging out” that shocked me but i couldn't help but burst out laughing along with her “I did for a week and then i told you i think that's just how he acts” he said “what is that even supposed to mean” I continued to laugh “you know like your nice I noticed your nice to everyone” T.J. started to drive and the laughter died down “that's so not true!” I said knowing that it was very much true “Dude, Jenkins dropped his books while knocking yours out of your hand and you helped him pick his up.” T.J. laughed “that's so cyrus” amber said “Jenkins isn't that bad he is just douchey” i said knowing he was THAT bad. “Trust, he is i play basketball with him. That reminds me, if you ever decide to be fully out Amber and Jenkins gives you shit let me know. He is known for being homophobic.” We pulled into the driveway and she jumped out “That's the exact opposite of what I'm going to do but thank you for the tip” i began to wonder if that's why jenkins was always a total dick to me, could he tell I was gay? I pushed the thoughts aside when we got to Amber's room we all decided to watch it there and Amber had the bright idea to make a fort so we brought in chairs and blankets and moved her bed to the side and the mattress off of it.

A/n this ended weirdly but i wanted to start chapter 3 from the fort being done.