#i mean even irl i usually end up planning the beginning of conversations with a bit or something

[muckmagister]

Tell me a conspiracy theory you think is true. Or rant about a hyperfixation. Or both.

wooeeeueuhjh i don't know how people just talk about stuff at will, my mind is like a peaceful empty garden there is nothing happening in there ever, buddhists hate me, i've achieved inner peace only to think it's super lame cause i have no idea what to say to people that i'd like to talk to and get to know better, weuehhh i just wanna hang out in real life and let conversation happen naturally

anyway i'd totally buy that the monarchy killed diana, i don't know nearly enough about that whole thing to actually have an opinion, but they're definitely evil enough with some real motive behind them for sure pffshfjjs idk

[honeypiehotchner]

My Deep Blue Love (Tom Hiddleston x Fem!Reader) -- Soulmate AU one shot

This was 100% born out of boredom and loneliness and those damn Soulmate AU POV Tiktoks that I have seen practically 24/7 for the past WEEK on my fyp

(I’m not sure if I’ll do a part 2, rn I have no plans for it)

quick note on the technicality of this one: you lose all ability to see colors when you turn 12 and you don’t regain the ability until you meet your soulmate. but! you have to meet them in person and it has to be a mutual eye contact. pictures/videos of them don’t work, and if you just saw the back of their head or something in person, that doesn’t work either. it’s all about the shared eye contact babeyyy

small disclaimer: Brie Larson is mentioned in here and she has a wife, but that is very much only in this fic, and as far as i know Brie doesn’t have a wife irl lol (i also don’t know if she’s spoken about her sexuality at all so what i’m saying is take it with a grain of salt ok)

Summary: Everyone around you is meeting their soulmate, but you still see in black and white. You’re ready to give up, and basically have, when you lock eyes with your soulmate.

Warnings: None! Just a bit of angst, lots of fluff toward the end 

You knock on your mom’s bedroom door at 4:58am. She’s already awake, sitting up in bed, ushering you over.

With tears in your eyes, you crawl onto her bed, snuggling close to her chest.

“I don’t want to lose my colors,” you whimper.

“I know, baby,” she whispers, kissing the top of your head. “It’s okay.”

You were born 12 years ago on this day at 5:08am, so in a few short minutes, when you officially turn 12 years old, all color will drain from your life.

Or the colors could stay, but that’s only if you’ve somehow already met your soulmate. And that’s rare, nearly impossible.

You squeeze your eyes shut at 5:07 and you don’t open them again until 5:10.

The colors are gone.

+++

twenty years later

You sigh heavily as you receive yet another wedding invite. You are invited to witness the official beginning of Olivia and Jeffrey’s lives together as husband and wife, soulmates for all of time.

The glitter sticks to your fingertips, tiny black dots against your skin. Your friend told you it’s gold. You barely remember what that looks like.

Lately it seems like everyone has been meeting their soulmate. Just yesterday, you were having coffee with a friend when she looked up at the girl sitting behind you, and boom.

“It’s like the world just exploded,” she had said. Colors were everywhere. She immediately left you to go talk to the girl.

You don’t blame her for that. If you had met your soulmate, you probably would’ve done the same thing. But you can’t say for sure because you don’t know.

You wouldn’t be so cynical of it all if your boyfriend of five years didn’t meet his soulmate while the two of you were out at dinner. You wish you could say that he was faking it. But it was clear from his face (and the girl’s) that he wasn’t kidding. It was real. He had met his soulmate, and it wasn’t you.

It’s never you.

You’ve had guys cut off dates before they even start, all because they didn’t see colors when they laid their eyes on you. They refuse to even be friends with you.

All anyone is doing anymore is searching for a soulmate and it’s exhausting when none of them are yours. When all of your friends see color now. When everyone assures you that it’ll happen soon. What does soon even mean?

You grab your ice cream from the freezer and fall onto the couch, flicking to whatever channel has late night shows that aren’t complete garbage.

As usual, you find yourself watching a talk show, and tonight Tom Hiddleston is one of the guests.

You’re sort of familiar with him from a few movies, but other than that, you hardly know anything about him.

“So, Tom, we’ve all been wondering what’s going on with you and Brie Larson?”

“Brie?” Tom asks, clearly shocked to hear this question. “We’re just good friends, that’s all.”

“Oh, she doesn’t make you see any colors?”

“Ah, no, actually, she does not,” Tom chuckles, but doesn’t sound sad at all, surprisingly. “Her wife does that for her, not me, I’m afraid.”

“Oh really?” The host brushes past the mention of Brie’s wife and keeps the focus on Tom, of course. “So is that true, you still don’t see color?”

Your ears perk up at the mention of someone else not seeing in color. It’s rare for anyone to talk about this on television. Most celebrities don’t talk about whether or not they’ve found their soulmate, but more often than not, those that have are quite loud about it.

“Yes, that’s true,” Tom answers. “I still see the world in a lovely black and white.”

You snort, harshly jabbing your spoon into your ice cream. Lovely. Yeah, right.

“Do you really think it’s nice? Do you not miss the colors?” The host asks.

“No, no, I do. I do,” Tom admits. “But I like to think I’ll see them when the time is right.”

You groan, going to Google to look up his age. And when you see he’s 40, you groan even louder. He’s older than you and he still hasn’t met his soulmate. That’s just depressing. How can he sound so optimistic?

“Alright, well, if there’s one thing you wish you could tell your soulmate, what would it be? Maybe they’re watching right now, you never know.”

Tom smiles wide. “Maybe, maybe, um… Oh, so many things,” Tom exhales deeply. “I guess I could be cliché and say I can’t wait to meet them and wait for me, but I think I want to say… I think I want to say I understand. It is frustrating, still seeing in black and white, but our paths will cross soon, I’m sure of it. Until then, my eyes are blue.”

Blue. Blue.

You roll your eyes. You don’t even remember what the color looks like.

+++

seven months later

“I am not going to a movie premiere. You’re insane!”

“Please!” Your friend, Catherine, cries. “You’ll love it, I swear.”

You glare at her over your coffee. “That just makes it sound like you have a trick up your sleeve.”

“I don’t,” she says. “I just want you to take advantage of this and come with us! When will you ever have the chance to go to a movie premiere again?”

She has a point. Dammit. “Touché. How did you get tickets, anyway? Please tell me you didn’t spend thousands for this.” You wouldn’t put it past her, even though you tell her not to every time before she does something like this.

“God, no, Joe surprised me with them earlier. He said he went to school with the lead.”

“Oh. Cool. Who?”

“Tom Hiddleston, I think. Have you heard of him? He’s British, but that’s about all I know. Joe just said they ran into each other the other day and reconnected.”

You stop halfway through a sip of coffee, careful to not choke on it. Slowly, you nod. “Yeah. I...I’ve seen him in a couple things.”

“Apparently, he hasn’t met his soulmate either…” Catherine trails away, raising her eyebrows at you.

You roll your eyes. “I heard,” you set your cup down. “He’s probably met them by now though since he blasted it on television like that.”

“Or he’s still searching and you’re still being too cynical.”

“You’re probably right,” you chuckle.

“Sooo, you’ll come?”

You sigh heavily. “As long as you help me pick something to wear.”

+++

“I’m regretting letting you talk me into this already,” you mutter when you nearly trip in your heels.

“Oh, hush,” Catherine swats your arm. “It’s an excuse to get dressed up and look hot for no reason. Take it.”

“Fine.”

Catherine’s soulmate, Joe, was whisked away almost as soon as the three of you stepped inside the venue by some director (you think), but he promised to return in a few minutes. Catherine told him not to worry. She’s used to him being dragged away for conversation. You can see from her face that she’s more proud of him than anything, and not at all annoyed.

Currently, you and Catherine are standing near the small bar, waiting for them to announce that it’s time to take your seats. You desperately want a drink, but part of you knows it would be a bad idea.

One glass of wine can’t hurt, though. Maybe it’ll take your mind off the pain in your feet.

You peel away from Catherine when you see Joe coming back, and you flag the bartender down quickly.

After ordering a glass of white wine, you wait patiently, wishing you had chosen a dress with sleeves. It’s fucking cold in here.

“Darling, you’re shivering, are you alright?”

Your head turns toward the smooth voice, face set and mind trying to decipher whether or not it was a sincere or creepy comment when the world quite literally explodes.

There, standing beside you, concern written all over his face, is Tom Hiddleston. Only now the concern has washed away into awe when your eyes lock with his.

“Oh my god,” he whispers, stumbling even though he’s standing in place.

“Blue,” you murmur. “Your eyes are blue.” Without even thinking or asking, your hand lifts to cup his cheek, and then you pull back, “Shit, sorry—”

But he grabs your wrist gently, placing your palm on his cheek. “It’s alright.” His thumb strokes the back of your hand. “I have been looking everywhere for you.”

“I thought you didn’t exist,” you whisper in reply. But here he is. His eyes are blue, his lips are pink, he has tiny brown freckles all over his rosy cheeks. You look back to his eyes, narrowing your own. “You liar. Your eyes have green in them, too.”

“Do they really?” Tom chuckles. “I never would’ve known.”

“That’s why you have me,” you tease, and you don’t know where any of this is coming from, yet it doesn’t feel like you’re pretending. It feels like you’re finally yourself.

His other hand tangles with yours as he nods. “That’s why I have you, indeed.”

At this time, the lights in the theatre begin lightly flashing, signaling that it’s time for everyone to begin making their way to their seats.

But neither you or Tom move one inch.

The only issue is people are beginning to stare.

You notice it first, so you slowly pull your hand from his cheek. This movement shocks him back to reality, too, and he blinks a few times, yet he doesn’t let go of your hand.

“I, um, I have to make a speech,” he says. “But then I can come back to you. Will you save me a seat?”

“Don’t you have to sit up front?”

He nods. “I do, but—”

“Then I’ll come with you.” You aren’t sure if it’s the fact that he hasn’t let go of your hand yet, or if it’s because you’ve been waiting so long that now you don’t want him to be further than an arms length away from you, but you mean what you say.

“Are you sure?” He asks, but you both need to make a decision quickly because you can see someone waving from the wings, most likely trying to get Tom’s attention.

“I’m sure.”

He doesn’t question it, in fact, he grins, and brings your hand up to his lips, kissing your knuckles. “Let’s go, then.”

[oinkawa-bb]

first time dads!haikyuu pt.3

request: Hiii I just read everything you’ve posted and I. Am. In. Love with your writingggg! I was hope to request a part 3 for your first-time dad series for Tsukishima, Yamaguchi, Kenma, and Akaashi :) -@lollypop-lam

note: ahhhh!!!! helloo bb~~ thank you so much for your luv<3333 i was rly not expecting so many ppl to read this series!! but i enjoy writing it so here’s a part 3 for you (i tried to add more variety of scenarios for y/n so it’s not all the same!) hehe i hope you like it! thank you for ur request!<3 here is dad!tsukki, akaashi, yams, and kenma

mentions: pregnancy, domesticity, fluff, slight angst, timeskip, fem!reader

part one (daichi, kuroo, oikawa)

part two (iwaizumi, suna, atsumu, osamu)

☀︎—kei tsukishima

he already knew something was different since the day you took the test

kei could sense that you were tenser than usual 

Exhibit A was when you slightly jumped as he placed one hand gently on the small of your back,

it was really nothing out of the ordinary...

so he raises an eyebrow at you, not saying anything, but just questioning with his curious expression

you bite your lip,,,, 

this was unplanned and even though you’ve recently discussed having kids, you’re worried about how kei might feel because honestly you’re pretty anxious,

but when you break the news to him,

the corners of his mouth are upturned into a soft grin

and he quietly pulls you into a hug

you also could’ve sworn that there were tear stains that he left on your shirt after

but when ur in his arms while he’s whispering about how excited he is, you know that you’re ready to have a family with him<33

tsukki likes to express his care for you and his child through subtle affectionate gestures,,

like his favorite thing to do when he comes home from work is envelop you in a back hug,

and he likes to run his large hands gently over your bump, waiting for a kick

when he feels one, you bet your ass that this man is grinning bc he just can’t hide his excitement !!!

i feel like he’d be a super cautious dad-to-be,

like if you’re given prenatal vitamins or told not to eat certain foods,

he has scrutinized the labels and the internet to make sure everything in the house is safe for you and his bb<33

during your whole pregnancy, he’s more logical and clear-minded, but there’s a stark contrast on the day you actually go into labor owo

like i’m talking sweat beads running down the side of his forehead

and his hand clutching yours for dear life as he guides you to the hospital room

during the entire labor, tsukishima can’t be separated from you...

like when you get up to go to the bathroom and make him stand outside, he’s leaned against the door with his arms crossed

he’s acting like a bodyguard?? but like for what idk

he’s quite tense until his baby makes their appearance,

but when he does get to hold the baby, his body is wracked with silent sobs and he’s overcome with a wave of emotion

he’s silent on the outside, 

but his mind can’t even begin to process the monumental amount of love he feels for u and this little bb <333 🥺🥺🥺

dad tsukki has fallen in love all over again.

☀︎—keiji akaashi

akaashi slips into the bedroom when he hears ur sniffling,,

your back faces him, but he can tell that ur hunched over something in your hands...

when he approaches you and sees that your eyes are puffy n swollen,

his voice is filled with concern,

“what’s wrong?”

it takes a moment for you to choke out your words but you manage,

“keiji, i-i’m scared,”

then he catches sight of the white stick in your hands,

and he sees two faint lines sitting on its little screen

he takes a seat next to you, pulling your body against his and pressing a kiss to the temple of your forehead,,,

“what are you scared of when you have me?”

the two of you have a long conversation that night,, 

mostly with akaashi reassuring you that he’s prepared for whatever decision you make and that he’ll always be there to support you🥺

the next morning,

you’ve calmed down and thought clearly about this, realizing that many of your anxieties stemmed from how keiji would react,

but after realizing his willingness to support you,

you can’t help but smile and press a hand to your belly as you look in the mirror in the bathroom

and when akaashi sees this, his heart is so full and excited!!!🥺

throughout your pregnancy, akaashi is overwhelmingly supportive and emotionally reliable,,

he listens to your concerns both physically and mentally, helping you talk through your worries and find solutions,,

he’s also suuuper intimate with you,

bathing and pampering you,

staying up late to talk with you,

waking you up with kisses nd breakfast in bed,,

he’s just the most perfect partner to you. 

and every day you spend beside him reaffirms your excitement to have his child

when the day arrives, you’re beyond anxious,

he can just tell from little gestures you make that you’re more nervous than ever before,

so akaashi has one hand on you at all times during labor, so you can physically feel his support

the process couldn’t have gone more smoothly than it did, and akaashi’s so grateful 

and when he gets to hold the baby against his own chest, 

he’s smiling through the tears that are welling up bc

his eyes now lay upon the most beautiful replica of you.

fugg i luv keiji🥰🥰🥰

☀︎—tadashi yamaguchi

the day you tell yamaguchi you’re pregnant?

he’s probably crying.

no, he’s definitely crying.

he’s also definitely overexcited

so when he went in for a hug, he immediately lets go bc he’s worried that he hugged you too tightly🥺

he’s just a ball of emotions and kind of all over the place!!

but he gets it together asap and is already on dad duty the very next day

making doctor’s appointments, listing purchases to be made, planning for your baby shower, n anything he can do to be prepared

he makes many a few unnecessary purchases

something like a bougie hundred dollar memory foam pregnancy pillow for u 

and a temperature controlled collapsible baby stroller for his bb

his heart was in the right place but his money was not asdgfd

but he wants to treat you like the queen that you are,

so he’s always excited to come home to see you after work

and he likes to bring home things that will make you happy

food and baby clothes and flowers uwuwu

i also think tadashi came up with the idea to start scrapbooking the memories of your soon to be little family of three <33

so he takes cute little polaroids to keep them in a scrapbook

and he also definitely keeps a lil photo of the baby’s ultrasound in his wallet that he often takes peeks at while at work

and he can’t help but smile and tear up at the thought of starting a family w u 🥰

every morning, he just feels so blessed to wake up to the sight of you n your lil bump aka his future child ?!?!!?

and when that realization registers in his brain,

he just has to pull you close to him, plant a kiss to ur belly, and cuddle you for as long as he wants <333

the day you go into labor, yamaguchi lugs like 3 hospital bags frantically out of the house (he definitely stuffed them fully to the brim)

he’s overall pretty anxious but he’s mostly anxious about the pain you’re going thru🥺

with each hour that passes at the hospital, he’s pacing the room back and forth, always coming back to ur bedside to hold ur hand and kiss it many times

when the time finally comes, yamaguchi can’t believe that he’s actually seeing his child irl

like.... he’s in awe of the beauty of his child, just utterly speechless...

it registers a little bit later and he’s crying again

but back home, yamaguchi is always so eager to take care of his baby and he’ll do anything n everything to take care of his child and help u rest and recover

dad yamaguchi melts my heart

☀︎—kozume kenma

so u decide to plan a little surprise for kenma one morning

and he’s all groggy from just waking up, 

but he peeks his eyes open when he hears you shuffling back and forth right at his bedside,,

he sees that you’re only wearing a white oversized tee and he’s about to pull u back in bed for more sleep,

but then kenma’s eyes focus on the text that’s handwritten in sharpie in the center of the shirt over your stomach

“kenma jr.”

he’s never seen this shirt before, and then he’s realizing what it means and his eyes widen in anticipation !!!

so u crawl on top of him and lay your head on his chest while he’s processing,,

“you’re—?”

“yes, kozume. i am.”

he’s smiling with his eyes closed, 

and he lifts his head to kiss your hair before wrapping his arms around you and whispering in your ear that “he doesn’t know a kenma jr. but he can’t wait to meet them”

you swat at his chest jokingly, and he smiles even wider, 

but you don’t see the love that resonates deeply in his eyes when he looks down at you🥺 

bc you end up falling asleep on him lmaooo

but ever since that day, kenma is on high alert whether it looks like it or not...

he’s especially protective of u in public, 

observing those closest to you and gently shifting you out of the way when someone gets too close...

kenma is most affectionate though when he thinks you’re not aware,,

meaning he likes to run his hand over your stomach, admire your sleeping expression, nd gently kiss your hair

all while he thinks you’re asleep but you’re not tho and it makes ur heart explode

kenma also doesn’t struggle to sleep at night, but he ends up choosing to stay awake for as long as u are 

and he stays awake even after u fall asleep bc he likes to whisper some of the sweetest words to just kenma jr uwuwuwu

on the day when kenma accompanies you to the hospital, he’s listening intently to the patterns of your breathing,

so he knows when the pain is worst and he holds onto you tighter during those times,,

after hours of labor, kenma ends up super teary eyed at the sight of his baby,

he’s silently swaying the baby in his arms nd just thinking about how much his heart is overfilling with luv...

he knows kenma jr now... and he loves kenma jr with his whole heart<333

[alirhi]

Loki ranting

Okay. I had this thought in my head of like just compiling links of all the Loki shit I've posted/reblogged so far so that when I get into a conversation about the show and how it fucking disgusted me, I can just be like "here. here's this masterlist post, go read all this shit. This is my entire argument, and not only mine, but a lot of stuff posted by people far more intelligent and level-headed and eloquent than I am, whom I happen to agree with." Because the alternative is constantly getting fired up all over again, and that is exhausting.

BUT! I'm stupid and don't know how tumblr works. Apparently I can't just be like "give me all the Loki-tagged shit I've got" I can only search all the Loki-tagged shit on all of tumblr. And I'm not scrolling back through all of my posts. I talk too fucking much for that shit 😂

So, I'll try to remember all of my grievances with how the MCU has treated Loki, and all of the excellent posts made by other, equally upset fans, and put it all together here under this nice, neat little cut for everyone else's sanity and scrolling convenience...

For people who actually read my shit fairly regularly - bless you, you crazy, patient people. I love you! - this is going to be a lot of repetition of shit you've already read. Probably at least twice. I'm passionate and I have a terrible memory lol. Sorry.

Anyway, first, for those who don't know me and haven't been following my explosions of rage for the past couple of months, some quick background: I do not read comic books, so Loki's Marvel comic canon means nothing to me. I know almost nothing about it. The reason I'm so in love with the character in the MCU is because I am an eclectic witch and the deity I've actively loved and worshiped the longest in my life (literally for as long as I can remember) is Loki. So when he was mentioned in The Mask, I squeed. When they named Matt Damon's character after him in Dogma, I cheered.

When Thor came out in 2011, I just about died from happiness. I was hungry for any representation of this underappreciated god, no matter what it was. I didn't even bitch about how underpowered he was, because at least he was there. But I'm getting slightly ahead of myself.

I can hear anyone reading this going "Why Loki? Isn't he, like, evil? Like basically the Norse version of The Devil?" Because I heard all this shit irl all the fucking time. And no. So let me give you a quick rundown of who Loki actually is.

Loki is a Trickster God. He's often referred to as the God of Mischief. He is not and never was evil, simply chaotic and hedonistic. Loki Laufeyjarson was the son of Laufey (that's mama; they changed her to a man for some reason in the movie) and Fárbauti. Right from the start, from his name, we get a sign of how Loki goes against traditional norms of the time, because in Norse culture, families were patrilineal, and surnames were "son/daughter of father" (which would have made him Loki Fárbautitason), not the mother. But Loki's surname is matrilineal. Feminist icon woo! lol

Though he's a Jotunn, Loki is counted among the Gods (Aesir) in Norse tradition. Depending on his mood, he is alternately helpful or disruptive to the other Gods. I'm not gonna sit and teach a whole text class on him lol but I'll use my favorite example of Misunderstood Loki - the conception of Sleipnir!

So, get this shit. This is also part of why I DO NOT follow Odin and never fucking will (a very small part, but still part of the reason). So, the other Norse Gods are petty motherfuckers, and they wanted some shit built but didn't want to pay the dude doing the building. So they were like "okay, if you can get it done in X amount of time, we'll pay you, but if you can't manage it NO MATTER WHAT, this whole thing is free." And they made sure he had NO help, nothing but him, his materials, and his Very Good Horsey. And this guy and his horse were fucking BAMFs. So it was looking like he was definitely gonna get it done in time, and Odin was like "nah, fuck that shit. I'm cheap." and so he sent Loki to distract the work horse. Loki transformed into a mare and lured the horse away, got fucked, got pregnant, gave birth to the 8-legged (for some reason) horse Sleipnir. Odin rides Loki's son into battle. Um. Kay.

So Loki helped Odin be a petty mf, and Odin got himself a new pet out of the deal.

Oh, also, because he's smart af and a shapeshifter and a master magician and genderfluid, Loki "fails" to fit the super fucking toxic and narrow Norse/Aesir view of "a real man". He prefers intelligence and manipulation to solve problems rather than violence, he's not afraid to behave like a clown if it gets shit done, and that grosses the Aesir out, so they constantly ridicule him for being "less than a man".

Loki is the God of the outcast and the misunderstood. The marginalized people from all walks of life. He is the God of the LGBT community. In modern terms, he's pansexual, polyamorous (married to Sigyn and they are deeply in love, but boy gets around and I've never seen any indication that Sigyn gives a shit) and genderfluid.

Okay. Focus, Ali. This is part of why I usually post multiple rants instead of one big long one XD The longer I ramble, the more I get sidetracked and forget the original point.

So. Loki's awesome, and being a Trickster, is powerful as all fucking hell. There's not much he can't do.

And now we come to Thor (the movie, not the deity). Loki's there! 24-year-old Ali is spazzing! All is right with the world!

Oh lord, they've actually done him justice?! Amazing! He's complex and nuanced and emotional, just like the real Loki! I loved this movie. Loved. It. The climactic thing with trying to blow up Jotunheim never really made much sense to me until someone made an excellent point the other day about Loki being raised in a racist society that was racist against his own race, he just didn't know it yet, poor child. Baby Thor was never corrected when he pledged to commit mass genocide, so Baby Loki probably absorbed the lesson then that Jotunns=evil and killing them all will win his father's love. Anyway, 2011 Loki was a beautiful, heartbreaking portrayal of the God I've loved all my life and spent 24 years longing to see depicted on the big screen.

Then The Avengers happened. And I saw another Loki very close to Norse mythology - mainly, how he's treated. In the beginning of the movie, he's sick, exhausted, and in pain. He can hardly stand, he stumbles and needs help when he walks. He was very obviously tortured, and the sickly blue light of the scepter's control is in his eyes. That gets less and less pronounced as the movie goes on, showing Loki working his way free of it, but in the beginning, he's a mess. Because he was tortured and used by Thanos. Marvel directly confirmed this, and that he was under the scepter's/Mind Stone's control. Loki's actions are not his own in The Avengers. He's under both threat and Thanos' direct control. The movie actually shows The Other directly threatening him to keep him on task, because this is not Loki's plan. It is not what he wants. He's being used and villainized... Just like in real life. It hurt to see this done to him, but the accuracy was too beautiful to ignore.

Thor: The Dark World comes out. I've heard people complain that this movie is the weak link in the Thor trilogy. I disagree. I think that's Ragnarok, for a bunch of reasons, but we'll get there. (And for the record, I loved Ragnarok, too. It was a funny movie. Infinity War and the Disney+ series are the only portrayals of Loki in the MCU that I truly fucking hated.) Anyway, good, fun movie. Had its faults, as all movies do, but it still followed Loki's real-life arc in a way. How? By having Loki dragged back to Asgard in chains and imprisoned underground. Again, not super happy that this happened to my love, and having to see it on screen was painful, but at least in the MCU he's not chained to a rock with venom dripping on his face for eternity, so there's that. (poor Sigyn. how tired do her arms get, holding up that bowl? best wife ever, amirite?)

In TDW, we're shown Loki's love for Frigga, who favored him and taught him magic as a child. We see his bravado; his attempts to mask his true feelings, especially grief. We see him slowly coming back to himself after the events of The Avengers, and slowly mending his relationship with his brother. He accepts that Odin will likely never love him, but Thor just might, because they were close when they were young. "I didn't do it for him." No, no my sweet, you did it for your brother, and a little out of guilt for what happened to your mother.

At the end, Loki fakes his death and escapes, taking the throne, and I have mixed feelings about this. Not the writer's choices here; I love that completely! A natural progression in Loki's story. But my joy is tainted by how closely they're following the Eddas now. Because Loki's escape from his prison heralds the beginning of Ragnarok. And Loki will die in Ragnarok. I don't want to see that play out in front of my face. I won't be able to handle the grief (spoiler alert! IW broke me. I almost walked out of the theater. Loki's death was legitimately fucking traumatic for me. I don't even care how pathetic that is. That grief was real, it was intense, and I still shake and cry when I think about it.)

Marvel announces that Thor 3 will be called Ragnarok. The internet treats this as a shocking revelation. I roll my eyes and mumble "duh" to myself and move on XD

Then they say Ragnarok will be a buddy comedy. I throw up a little in my mouth and no longer want to live on this planet. If they're going to make something called Ragnarok, could they at least treat it with even a fraction of the respect they've shown these characters thusfar? Jfc. I mean, I'll see it anyway, because I'm a whore for Tom Hiddleston lol. But come on, people!

I hated that they made Hel the long-lost older sister and Fenrir her fucking pet/attack dog. Those are my favorites of Loki's children! Hel is such an incredible badass that the early Christians named their dimension of eternal torture after her! They were terrified of her, to the point of naming the place that terrified them most after her. That's awesome! And Fenrir's just the best. I love wolves. Those two details, and Odin's retcon of "we're not Gods! ...lol, except your sister. she's totally a Goddess. and def gonna kill literally everything, so... good luck! byyyeeeee" pissed me off royally.

The rest was great. I genuinely liked this movie. Still do. And they finally used The Immigrant Song! That was pretty cool. If they'd thrown in Bring the Hammer Down and Thunderstruck, I might've called this movie perfect. XD

I wasn't totally in love with their portrayal of Loki in Ragnarok. Yes, the falling for 30 minutes line was funny, as was "I have to get off this planet" and "YES! That's how it feels!" And "Get Help" was funny as hell. But also, like... There is no way Loki would have been the dumb one in that first encounter with Hela. Also, he can teleport and project copies of himself and shit, so... He would not have been that desperate to go straight back to Asgard and bring her right along with them. Loki's not stupid. But whatever. Movie's gotta movie.

What I did love was seeing the slow mending of his relationship with Thor continuing, and the badass fighting on the bridge. I also loved that, like Real Loki, Movie Loki helped when help was needed, was quick and clever, and while he was carrying out the main plan, he was also planning ahead and grabbing the Tesseract. Yes, that drew Thanos right to them, but that's a whole other thing. Loki never would have left that thing on Asgard to be destroyed or lost.

And now Infinity War. Hooooly fucking shit. You know what? No. I'm not going into this. He was killed, years of character growth were erased forever, my heart fucking shattered. The end.

Endgame. IW hurt me so bad I didn't see Endgame until this year. I actually watched Civil War first (for context: I had actively avoided all Cap movies until this year because I fucking hate Steve Rogers. I find him insufferable. Did not realize what I was denying myself until I watched CW and finally saw the charms of Bucky. When he appeared in IW, I was so lost. XD I was like "...who dis? Murder Jesus?" also I just... didn't care. I was numb by then from crying through most of the movie over Loki)

So, anyway. Endgame. Loki picks up the Tesseract in alternate 2012, escapes, fans go "yay! he didn't actually die!" I go "yes he fucking did. Five years of his life, gone. Five years of growth and change, erased. Loki is dead. This will not be the same."

I was more right than I could have predicted. Now we come to the point of this rant. Sorry it took so long, but you were warned lol.

The Loki series makes me so angry I actually get sick to my stomach. It was fucking TRASH. When I praised Marvel for following Norse mythology so faithfully earlier? Yeah. I DID NOT MEAN TREAT HIM THE WAY THE OTHER GODS DID. I did not mean paint him as a pitiful clown, a joke, a caricature of who he truly was, with his pain and suffering played for LAUGHS.

This is supposed to be 2012 Loki, newly freed from Thanos' control. The Loki we saw in the beginning of TDW - snarky, exhausted, nihilistic. The Loki who rolled his eyes and said "get on with it" expecting to be killed.

The bumbling clown flipping on a dime from posturing to calling himself weak is not 2012 Loki. That is not ANY Loki. That is Tom Hiddleston in a black wig doing what he's told by a shitty writer who had no fucking idea what he was doing and was salty about his (bad) original script (for something totally fucking unrelated) getting killed.

In Episode 1, Loki is mocked, imprisoned, stripped against his will, tormented, belittled, and given a flippant summary of all the trauma Actual MCU Loki suffered that this one skipped out on, with no context, no acknowledgement of the trauma he's already lived quite fucking recently, and with the narrative twisted to not only erase all the abuse he's suffered, but to make it all his fault. And this is supposed to make him want to help these people?

And worse, IT FUCKING WORKS. WHAT?! I CAN'T- FUCKING WHAT?! Remember when I said LOKI IS NOT FUCKING STUPID?! So why is he STUPID?

Episode 2, he's a child. Mentally, this Loki is a fucking child. Now we've erased all the growth and development of his entire adult life. He's dopey, impatient, impulsive, desperate for a pat on the back and actually shows it. Yes, abused and neglected children crave the positive attention we never received, and we often grow up to be a bit emotionally stunted. But not all of us, and not Loki. Not as we've seen him EVER in the rest of the MCU. Playful and a bit callous at times? Absolutely! But not a big dumb fucking puppy.

Episode 3, a ray of hope, despite Sylvie! (I hate Sylvie) Loki casually admits he's pan/bi; labels never come up, but he admits to being with both men and women! He sings! Not really relevant to whether I approve of his portrayal or not lol but Tom has a beautiful voice, Norwegian ("Asgardian" lol) is a gorgeous, entrancing language, and I could watch that one bit on loop for eternity and never get bored. And then, finally, we see a glimpse - a glimpse - of Loki's power! He stops a falling building and pushes it right back up! Are we finally getting to see what he can really do? Will the next episode bring us Loki in all his glory?

Nope. 4 and 5 we see him mocked and pushed around and utterly irrelevant. Again. We see tiny reflections of what he could maybe theoretically do in other random Loki variants, but the "main" (lawl. main. it was the Sylvie and Mobius show. Loki was never the main anything.) Loki? Nothing. He wears his heart on his sleeve for no reason, bonds with the man who imprisoned, taunted, and gaslit him, is killed, and continues to be a moron and a joke. Always the clown. Always the dumb one. The one with the bad ideas. The inferior Loki.

Don't even get me started on that finale. I can't. This already took so much out of me. Fuck Marvel. Fuck this fucking show. I just... I'm done.

[little-precious-baby]

This 2020...

First of all, I know most of the people did this many days ago but I thought today was like the best for me to say goodbye to this year.

Not to mention that this year has been very difficult, not only for me but for everyone. A pandemic that brought us many changes of which many are not yet comfortable and is understandable. In my case, in this year I have been able to understand many things, I have suffered and had to face other problems, and of course, I enjoyed important moments with my friends and family. My first decision this year I remember was cutting off my bangs without my parents' permission. I was scolded for weeks, even months and yes, I accept that seeing that picture from the first day of the school year is going to haunt me for a long time but I don't regret what I did. Is not a secret that for many of my irl friends, I'm like a little child that needs attention because if you give me your back, probably I'll be cutting my hair or even doing something worse.

As for emotional and friendship issues... I have to admit that I broke friendships in a non-gentle way, there were also discussions over totally stupid topics and not to mention love issues that simply ended up being a failure—a waste of time, to be honest.

While it hasn't been such an easy year, there's something I still don't even regret doing: coming here to Tumblr. My previous account has many years to created here —probably in 2017— however, at that time I didn't try to search much as I got to do this year and I'm glad I did because I met great people. Sadly I doubt at some point to meet you in person, but I hope you keep in mind that you make my days happier with your comments or just being you. I hope our friendship continues and that you all don't get sick of me so easily. Also, I wish you all the best as I know each of you is talented and has the ability to succeed in your lives. <3

Uh, the paragraphs 👉🏼👈🏼

Also I want you to know that this isn't in an specific order and that I hope you don't feel bad with my words.

💙 - @latte-fairytaekwoon

How can I start this without you rejecting my love? <3 You were one of the first people I decided to approach. I remember reading one or two of your works and just thinking "Wow, she writes very well... I'm going to follow her; it's going to be fun and interesting." I was planning not to talk to you at the beginning, to be honest. My end in mind was just to read what you updated and since you were the third account with content I had decided to follow, I thought it was a good plan. But one thing led to another and I decided to talk to you —which you probably regret since I bother you a lot lmao— and yeah, that's how we met and still talk to each other. I also need to mention that whenever I tried to talk to you about my problems or things that overwhelmed me, you always knew what to say to me even if that included to scold me. You always made me come to my senses. Many times I mentioned to you that you were like a mother to me as you "gave me those vibes" but how can you not? While you don't usually show so much affection through direct words of "I love you" "I care you," I feel them when you advise me. It's going to sound too idk, but I really don't regret to met you, Kitty. This looks like a bible and words repeating over and over again but how to show you that I appreciate, admire and love you if I always try to let you know? At this point if you still think I don't care of you, you are dumb 💖 By the way, it's worth mentioning that you and I have a long path together and you'll continue to be attacked with my love, support and jokes. I love you, mom 😗💙

💖 @winterviolet1

To be honest, I feel bad for not remembering how we started talking... I don't remember if I followed you first or if it was the other way around but hey, let's look on the bright side, it was fun to have met you and come together to always annoy Sofie with Hongjoong gifs <3 I hope we can still be little demons together and please, PLEASE, stop killing me 💀 I love when you send me gifs of Jongho because wow, that boy is definitely a daddy and more when he dances —I refuse to deviate from the subject but he jdudbd— but yeah, he kills me even when he just smiles. My point is that when I see those gifs, I went into a state where my mind goes to places that is better not to mention and I blush because yeah, we talk about my bias isbdkddj and I also frustrate because I find myself unable to return the same treatment to you dkdnskd. Ps: Let me know when we'll be demons again <3

💖 @teeztheflag

Your reactions are idejdindd art I feel shy as I know I never got to create a bond big enough to make you call my friend or that you consider me your friend but hey, it was great to talk to you. <3

Atte: the Slyffindor Girl 💀

💖 @twancingyunhoe

ALLYSSA 🥺 Okay, okay, just mention your name and I'll get in cute mode. I remember following you, yet I hadn't dared talk to you much. The safest thing I'd ever said to you was "Hello! I walk by giving love and support!" for days later asking if you were going to adopt me to have adopted Gabby as my sister 🥺 You're a beautiful person who has such a big, beautiful heart that makes me soft. I know I haven't exchanged many words with you this past month, but I hope that's not going to affect the fact that you're important to me. Thank you for accepting me, giving me love and always being so pretty. <3 kith kith

💖 @tinkerbellwoo

You are such a gift to me diejsndis. Since the first time I knew you, you were very kind and lovely to me. You won a part of my heart with your kindness and yeah, I do remember going to your asks and just "Hey, here is a bunch of love from me to you ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Also I hope we can be friends" kejebskssi. That was like my way to ask to be one of your closer moots because you were just so cool and I wanted to be friends with the wonderful person I saw had interactions with some of my moots. I'm sorry because I have time without actually having a large conversation with you and is completely my fault... I hope this new year will change that and I can talk more to you 🥺💖

💖 @yungidreamer

My older sister :( I'm so happy I had the opportunity to talk to you 👉🏼👈🏼 I still don't forget that you once used the dissapointed card with meeee, your little cute princess angel baby sister. I have cero regrets welcome you into my big, not normal, Tumblr family because yeah, probable we aren't the same but at the same time we are the same, if you know what I mean 👀 I hope we can have more conversations between each other because I know is very interesting to talk to you but at the same time I'm so shy :(

💖 @yunderland / @shangri-woo

How can I began this? Ksbsdusbs First, I need ti be honest. I do have my thirst times and well, I read many of your works in ghost mode 👉🏼👈🏼 I was kinda shy to just idk, interact kdidbdkd. Also I began to see you interact with Amelie and was funny and I began to think "What happens if I do try to be friends with her?" but also "What if she doesn't like how I am? I ccan be a bother some times...". And yeah, I was thinking that for maybe two days until I decided to make a move. I followed you and I said "Hi 👉🏼👈🏼 I saw you talking with Amelie... You seem like a kind and lovely person, mind if I try being friends with you?" skdbsudbdks. I. Will. Not. Regret. Talking. To. You. You are such a good person :( Every time we talk, you are just so attentive that makes me soft. Please, keeo being my friend :( even if you don't consider me as your friend :(

💖 @ursaurora

Well, I don't have that much to say because I just said hi while being in hiatus but hey, I really really like the idea of being friends with you. This doesn't stopped me to wish you a good New Year and hey, why not hoping to have a good relationship between each other? <3

💖 @illicit-roses

Rosa xkenskd you sidjdndid are isbddkdj a ksudkdid baby. Such a beautiful, sweet, kind and big hearted baby. I was also the first one to talk to you and I was the one that began being surprised by your words isbwkdz. Not to mention that I also got shy and touched by your words. In this year, I would love to be more close to youuuuuu <3

💖 @inkigayeo / @woo-san

Vivi, I don't know if you will read this so probably if you do, is because I told you in private kxjsksdnsk. I don't feel like remembering you how I began talking to you because you asked and I already told you that but something I for sure need you to know is that... I'm still very touched by your encouraging words to me. I think our first first conversation was about me being depressed and how I was feeling toward myself, then about my admission test that hey, you did amazing with your words. I remember I cried because yeah, I was anxious but you told me a great advice. And when I didn't do well on that an also began saying sorry to you for not doing well, you gave me anither good words that hey... How not be in love with Vivi? Vivi is just a Queen with a big heart and kindness to give to everyone :(( <3

💖 @atinyedits / @atinywrites

My lovely and beautiful Anrose kdbdkzkzd I remember I began to talk to you after I saw a post of Cottons talking about how you were such a fk rat brat and my first thought was "Hey, I want to be her friend" lol. And guess what? That's what I did isbszlxudbzk I went to your asks and I asked you if you wanted to be my friend and you accepted. We began talking and I began having this love to you idbesldjdbs. But something I do need to make clear is that I didn't thought you will be part of my Tumblr family as my mom kdjdsldudhs I still remember reblogging with an "you are married with Allyssa?! She is my mooooom" and yeah, you were welcome to a natural habit of a family who is thirsty 24/7 for Ateez or each other and yeah, such a triangle live attraction and the foughts you still have with my other mom kdisjsnd. But I hope you feel the love I have for you. Because I do love you and I trust you enough. Don't you remember how I send you photos of my body? I do feel insecure about it and still regret to be being called a Queen but yeah, I trust and love you enough, my Anrose <3

💖 @atiny-ahgase

Gabby, my sweetest sister 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 How can I began this? Well... Not to mention that I usually read your interactions with Zad and as I wasn't someone you knew, I was scared to talk to both of you. You because I was mostly shy and for Zad because I thought he was intimidating, funny, right? Well, I'm not sure if I do told you about giving you tons of love and support directly but I do remember adopting Zad as my brother and he telling me he had a sister and my first thought was "Hey, why I can't have a big sister too?" and then I began talking to you and with what I was welcomed? By tons of love and cute gifs of kisses and hugs. You make me feel lovved, Gabby. You are such an angel 🥺 Please, don't stop loving your baby sister Mei <3

💖 @shinyddeonghwa

Omg, omg, omg. I feel bad because I don't even know how I began talking to you T^T I feel bad to admit that I get confused between you and Treasure and ksbsizbdsis I think it was with you that I talked in Portuguese jzusnsks and if not, I'm sorry for the miss understanding ksisjs T^T but something I for sure remember if you trying to dom me and then getting flustered when that didn't worked and it was my time then isnwishsslsns I also need to mention that is always cute everything you do dkdbskzusks even how you talk to me <3 I hope our friendship can last for more time <3

💖 @sansbun & @choisans-dimples

Bun and Cass, the brat in denial 👀😗, the sweetest babies I have met. Two lovely babies that love cats and San. I think my first interaction with the both of you was because of the Tumblr family. Bun, I'm sorry for not talking too much to you. You are such a kind person and I would like to be closer to you in this new year. And for Cass, we talked more in discord but still wasn't that much :( But it was actually funny to see you fighting with Mari, it was cute nsisnslds. I hope both of you know that your auntie loves you so much <3

💖 @galaxteez

ASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHH <3

Our first conversation was something thirsty, I'm 100% sure about that. And how to forget how I always forgot to turn on to be anon siwnsibddk8dn. But I'm still sure you loved to see my asks while me being anon than when it was actually me because mine was just cute, giving tons of love to you when my anon... Well... My anon 😗 I know I have time without having thisty talks with you so maybe this new year will mark the difference 👀 <3

💖 @ateezstanlove

Ndyensiddhsihssjwj here is when my mind is having problems to remember how I actually met everyone and that's making me feel bad skdbwksjzns but something I can be 100% is that I tried really hard every day to make you feel all the love I can give. I still remember when I saw you were on hiatus and thinking about leaving Tumblr. Being honest, I was really sad but hey, you are here now to receive all my love and have those lustful thoughts about Wooyoung's thighs —I saw that, sis 😗. But yeah sksnqisndks. I love you and I hope we can have more time as sisters this year <3

💖 @ateez-little-star

Jas, the beautiful star in the sky 🥺 You were actually my first sister in my Tumblr Family. I still think is funny how I try really hard to baby you but at the end is in the other way, you end baby me skjssksisns 🥺🥺🥺🥺 How can I be more grateful to met you, uh? You always listened to my problems and I do considered a lot your opinions, is very kind to talk to you. I feel always loved when I talk to you. Also not to mention how I felt when during the night you left and when I searched you, you were gone. I was really sad and my first thought was "If she doesn't come back... She will remember me?" ksudisbskd but in days you came back and I was so happy :(( Please don't leave me again, Jas :( You are very soecial to me, my baby sis 🥺💖

💖 @hiatus-kittenmbb

Msisnsiddn MU AUNTIE HERE, EVERYONE. MSIWBSKDJDSBSB I want your love, cuddles, kisses and all the things you can give me and I'll make sure to make you feel the same, with tons of love <3 Not to mention how funny is to talk to you and all the times you told me to bother Kitty mom hahaha such a good and lovely relationship both of you have hahaha. Ps:Don't forget I love you so much, Auntie <3

💖 @hwastreasure

Mia :( I'm sorry because I don't have many things to say but at the same time I don't want you to feel sad about it. I remember I told you I will talk constantly to you and I didn't do it. Please forgive me :(( Can we try again and be closer now? :(

💖 @hongjoong-a-holic

SOFIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-.... Oh, no. My mistake. Let me try again. MY LIL LIOOOOOOOOOOOON GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR~. I don't have a lot of words how to describe the love and affection I have for you. You were always paying attention to me and giving me love —not to mention that you told me I needed to hug you just because you wanted nsisns and I say no lol— and that's cute sksnsksis. I also want to say that all those times that I do bother you with Blue about gifs of Ateez dancing sexily and those smuts and all that explication of sexuality... I have cero regrets! :D lmao. If you really thought I will say sorry about that, is a nono. I know you love it at the end lmao. But there is something I for sure need to be sorry... I know you were sad about me leaving ti be on hiatus and I still did but baby, I really needed to do it. I promise I'll be back soon. Very soon, just wait for me <3

💖 @hwaberrykiwi

Cam, Cam, Cam, Cam :(( I began to talking to you thanks to Jas that she asked me if I knew you and I said no and she just make me talk to you and guess what? I'm happy she did that because hey, I met an amazing person. And even if we didn't talked that much, something my heart will not forget are the words you told me when I said Uw as going on hiatus. I was really touched, I cried. I really did at the end but yeah. I would love to be more close to such a person with a big big heart <3

💖 @joongieblue

I don't even know how to began this because I think everything I need you to know, you already know it but at the same time I feel like I still need to say a lot :(( I don't want you to feel less as a person anymore... I know you said that way of thinking is because of your depression but baby, try to look at the amazing people who are with you, that cares about how you are and of course you are very important to them. You are very sweet and amazing as a person, let me tell you that I see in you a soft light. A very pure light that needs to shine bright in the sky but the darkness is making her feel like a insuficient and lonely light. Don't worry, things will get better soon. Trust me <3

💖 @seonghwa-is-babie

How can I began this without this looking awkward? 👉🏼👈🏼 I met you thanks to Zad and what I learned is that you were such a good, kind and shy boy but of course I still think you can be very intimidating if you want to. I'm sorry for not having a lot of conversation with you since I met you but I promise I'll try harder to be close to you. Of course, if you don't mind <3

🧡 - @seacottons

How can I began this?... The first time I talked to you, it was me trying to tease you really bad. I can also remember I told you to cald me kitten or something like that at that moment and the next thing we talked was about how I wanted to be adooted by you so bad isnsldks I don't regret doing all what you wanted me to do so you can adopt me because hey, you are amazing, wonderful as my other mom. Talking to you is like a way to calm my insecurities and stress I had during the day. You always giving love to me and even those cute hugs in the head you give or when you are too much sleepy to even type correctly iwjeneid you are such a baby :(( I'm still sorry for the time I called you a rouch, you aren't a bug... You are a beautiful, sweet, kind Queen I have the posibility to call mom. Not to mention that you are also my sweet, cool pumpkin —favorite— mom. Also, I can remember all those times you told me to bother or kick Kitty just because "she need it" dkbsskdjd the time you also wanted to disown me dibedidnzsj Leaving that topic to say cute things I love about you again is that... I'll be forever happy and gratefull with you. You gave me great advice when I needed them the most. You gave me a shoulder and a soft comfortable place to talk about my deep problems, my insomnia, depression, all of that. Thank you, mom. Thank you so much for letting me be part of your life and of course, youre mine. I will not share with Kitty <3

💖 @jongpleasure

My lovely, sweet and innocent twin ^^ lmao, we know we both are like really really twins. Our birthdays are very close, we both are Cancers, have the same bias that we share with each other because damn, he is really nice. But hey, is still very good to know you because you are talented, really really talented. The videos you create are wonderful and I am not saying that just because I know you, they are very good. The same with your fics, are amazing. You are an amazing writer, why you can't see that, uh? Want me to kiss your cheeks and hug you hard till you learn it? If you do want it, you are free to come to me and I'l give ut to you because msidbwks you are my lovely twin that I love so much. Have a great new year, I hope all your problems get resolved and you can noticed how you are talented enough to succeed and that you have friends in here that love you so bad. Kyra, my sweet twin I love so much <3

🕷️🕸️ - @yunhoshoe / @jonghoshoe

Aw, my baby prince Zad :(( The one I can trully see as a baby even when you are such a year younger than me. I want to protect you every time, even when I know I can't do that much virtually... So everytime I need to make me feel that I gave you all the love I can give and hope you can feel all the love I try to give you every time we talk. I'm still sorry for that time I make you feel uncomfortable with my missunderstanding about spiders and all of that... I'm also sorry for that time I send you gifs about dogs when you were scared of them... I'm really sorry, baby. Your big sister is dumb many times but hey, she is also still learning and want to give all she can to you. I hope this new year, we cab still be closer. Who is my little sweet, cute baby prince? Of course, you <3

💖 @xiuminswifeforever

I know we aren't that close, sadly. I follow you on twitter and here and everytime we talk is probably you being horny and wanting to have sex or somethung with your hmm... Is funny to talk to you and I know you told me that you are mostly in twitter and that was why we don't talk that much but hey, I would love to talk more with you. Want to try in this new year? <3

💜 - @yunhoiseyecandy

My sweet angel Violet :(( HoW I can began this? Kdsndid I don't remember very well how I began talking to you... Like I try really hard to remember how I began talking to you and my mind is in blank siwnsksus I'm sorry because of that but at the same time, is the good memories that are important to remember, right? How can I not be feeling grateful with the angel that with some kind words that came from her heart, made me a crying mess because of how touched I was? :(( There are many things I know I will not forget. That time I was feeling low beecause someone was just being very mean with me and you were protective, your kind words when I was just losing my mind and feeling all that pain inside and you helped me release that... For this year, I hope we can still be friends because you are amazing and I don't want to lose you :( <3

💖 @treasure-hwa

I feel really bad if I began saying this but I do want to say the truth and the truth is that I usually get confused between shinnyddeonhwa because you both had/have Hwa in their profiles and I know you both don't even write in the same way but idk, is easily for me to get confused, I'm sorry T^T Changing the subject, I really loved that time when we began talking in Portuguese and Spanish at the same time. Was really funny to even think how everyone would saw that ksjsnskdd Also I am very touched and happy when you roleplay with me... You are very sweet even while roleplaying and that makes me soft in such a way dksbskdid I would like to roleplay again with you, only if you want to any other time 👉🏼👈🏼 Also in this new year, I hope we can still be talking to each other for a long time, sister <3

💖 @cometoceantrenches

Not me being speechless every time I began writing a paragraph kwusnekdid also not me becoming your friend the second you asked me how was the relationship between Cottons and I 👉🏼👈🏼 But look at the good side, we are sisters now and guess what? I noticed how you have a big BIG heart and all the love you can give is just so cute when I receive it or just read it. I hope in this new year we can make new and memorable conversations together. Don't forget you have an special space in my heart <3

🤍 - @vocalyunho

Amelie, my sweet and lovely wife :(( How can I began this? I remember the first time I talked to you. I said your writing skills were amazing and that you were cute and I wanted to try being your friend. Not to mention that two days later I ask you to be my wife dkebdidbdkd But I don't regret that at all. I'm really happy I met you because every time I talk to you, I feel in a safe space... A place I can say how I really feel without being judged... And what do I receive every time I talk my problems out? Sweet words and advice :(( Amelie you are such a good girl, a good advicer and an amazing friend. Thank you so much for letting me be your friend. I know I won something big with your beautiful friendship. Also I know that you have problems and stress but hey, as you said, things hopefully will get better, we just need to be patient and wait. And don't forget that you can come to me everytime you want. I'll be here for you, Amelie. Anlso in this new year, I hope our friendship can grow bigger and yeah, why not trying to create new memories together? Remember you are Yunho of our 2Ho. Love you <3

💖 @sollyho & @ateezinmymind

Well... Maybe this will look like a very short paragraph but... I felt bad at the same time because I don't have that much to say... For sure, I'm happy I met both of you because during our conversations, I can deduce that I can trust you because you are lovely and all of that. What I regret so bad is that during this 2020, I didn't talked that much and that's why I feel bad for not writing something big but please, don't feel that I don't care about you because I do :(( i hope in this new year, we can talk much and maybe be close friends 👉🏼👈🏼

👑 - @barnesbabee

Queen Trixie 👉🏼👈🏼 Well, what I can say is that first, I love your humor keiwbsnd also that everytime you tive your opinion about something, you have valid points. This will sound stupid but I do really like to read when you post something. As I said some days ago in your dm, I really would like to be close to you but at the same time I do feel like that will not occur or will not happen that easily because I am not that cool and well, I don't know, I feel like I would be that kind of person you would dislike easily. Something I promised this year and will keep till this new year is the tonw of love I give to you and the support you need as a powerful queen. <3

💖 @multidreams-and-desires

My baby sis that I love so much, always taking care of me ane telling me how much you love me :(( this year was amazing. Probably our talks are mostly about problems or just giving each other love. I'm happy that I met you because you are always kind and of course you have also those thirsty moments that all our Tumblr family have —that's why we all get along, we are a bunch of people that have Ateez as their weakness lol. Also, I need to mention that in this new year, you need to know that I'll be giving you more love so just wait for me <3

💖 @msmadness99

Seven, my lovely Seven ^^ First of all I need to mention the iconic moment we both noticed we talked in Spanish after months of always talking on English lol. I know some of your insecurities about your writings and I still want to let you know that when I say that your works are amazing, well written and calls the attention easily, I'm being honest and saying that not as your friend, I say that as a fan of your works. I don't know who tells you or makes you feel insecure about them but hey, is amazing. Even those short things you write and don't get me started with Break Out serie siendjdbdkdys Every time you update, you make me have my heart in my throat kduebwdkd You are very talented, don't let others make you think other way. I love you, Seven <3

I think that is all 👉🏼👈🏼

I hope you all receive this new year with a smile and always being positive ❤️

I’m so grateful for your support and love this year. May you have a prosperous, happy and healthy New Year.

May all your dreams come true in 2021! You got this!❤️

[currywaifu]

𝐭𝐢𝐭𝐥𝐞: mutuals 𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩: miyoshi kazunari/reader 𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠: sfw 𝐰𝐜: 1.9k words, 2 images

𝐚𝐧: me? back w/ fluff? it’s expected at this point! his speech is hard for me to replicate, but I rly do love Kazunari so I hope I did this scenario justice! I, uh, got too excited at the prospect of “insta mutuals” oops~ hope you don’t mind the additional media TT

The Insta notification that popped up on the top of your screen distracted you from the game you were playing. Normally you’d flick the notif away, but as soon as you realised what it was about, you rushed to finish the rest of the stage.

You and Kazunari have been Insta Mutuals for nearly a year now, ever since he hit you with a follow and you proceeded to stalk his readily-available socials. 

The two of you had been liking and commenting on each others’ posts for weeks on end, starting off with you praising his most recent graphic design work to him sending a paragraph of heart emojis on the most recent fan art you drew.

Somewhere in between following each others’ spam accounts to tagging each other on Insta story games, he finally slid into your DMs and the rest was history. Sort of.

You knew what people said about online dating, or even just long distance relationships in general, but try as you might it was hard not to fall for Kazunari.

The more you talked to him, the less he stayed as your “funny artist mutual” and soon enough he progressed into the “still funny but also really sweet and cute artist online friend, 10/10 would date if asked” category.

You didn’t bother stifling your laugh as you looked at the message he sent you, immediately liking his selfie before saving it on your phone.

Okay, no. He can’t just hit you with an “I do wanna meet u already” and then take it back but not fully commit to it!

You waited for him to respond through text, but instead got hit by your ringtone blaring loudly at such an ungodly hour. At the sight of your contact nickname for him, you eagerly answered his call. You rushed to get the first word in, him doing the same unbeknownst to you.

“Kazu-“

“Babe, I-“

The both of you paused, his eventual laughter easing up your tension as you let out a giggle of your own. You mentally told yourself not to be so nervous— Kazunari and you would have this conversation eventually anyway; besides, it wasn’t as if you didn’t want to see him in person. It was quite the opposite, actually. You just figured that conversations like this needed to happen in call, at least.

“Shoot, should probs shut up so Mukkun doesn’t wake up,” Kazunari commented, his voice volume already lowered, “do you wanna go first?” He asked.

“Yeah,” you replied with resolve. You gathered up your thoughts, formulating the next set of sentences that would leave your mouth, before ultimately deciding on one question. “I just need to know first… how serious were you about meeting up irl?”

“I mean, that wasn’t what I meant when I sent the message? But like, it’s still valid, you know?” he paused, but when you didn’t say anything he decided to continue, “it’s not the first time I’ve thought about meeting you. I think about it a lot, actually.”

It was a bit of a shame the two of you chose to voice call instead of video call. You would’ve loved to see your boyfriend’s face just about now, though you supposed it wouldn’t be a good idea to have a heart attack a quarter to 4 in the morning.

Plus, you weren’t sure you could handle him teasing and throwing compliments at you due to your clearly visible elation, if the upwards stretch of your lips was anything to go by.

“Babe? You still there? Did you pass out, or…” In reality it had only been a few seconds, but still you didn’t want to leave him hanging. Not when the two of you were talking about something that meant taking the next step in your relationship.

“I’m still here, Kazu,” you reassured him. Your voice shook slightly, a sliver of your excitement slipping through the cracks. “I’m the same. Like, no lie I was shocked we brought it up like this, but, um… I’m ready, and if you’re ready, too, I want to meet up with you.”

“Wait, wait, wait— hol’ up! So we’re finally going—“ he laughed for the second time tonight, a fuzzy-wuzzy warmth escaping as its sound equivalent. “Wahh! Of course I’m ready! Can’t wait to finally see what a cutie you are irl♪ Hngg, how am I supposed to sleep now? I’m too hyped up!”

You rolled your eyes, despite understanding exactly how he felt. His infectious cheerfulness amplified the blossoming commotion occurring inside your brain. Despite not making any official plans yet, the prospect of finally meeting up had you frenzied.

Still, one of you had to be at least slightly responsible. While you wouldn’t claim to know his daily schedule, if Veludo Arts was anything like your university, he should be as swamped with workload as you were. Actually, maybe that was the reason he was up so late? That’s how it was for you, anyway excluding the fact that you took a break to stamina clear.

“It’s nearly 4 am… do you wanna continue planning this tomorrow? Err, rather, in a couple hours? After our lectures end, maybe?” You asked, though by the tiny whine Kazunari let out you had a feeling he wasn’t going to agree so quickly.

“Ehh? Why don’t we do it now? I have so many ideas about where we could go, and what we could do… oh! I could introduce you to everyone in Mankai! I’m sure they’d love-“

“I’d love to meet them too,” you cut him off, tone as firm as you could manage at this time, “and I want to hear your ideas, really, but I just know if I let you keep talking the sun will rise before we’ve even decided on a date.”

You chuckled as Kazunari let out a sound of protest, though you had a feeling he knew you weren’t wrong about your assessment. “Zuzu~ Let’s go to sleep now, okay?”

His phone microphone picked up on an audible gasp. “Ehh, how come you rarely call me Zuzu? It’s cute when you say it!”

“Because it sounds like a nickname you’d give to a Pokemon!”

“Uwu, maybe I’ll get Itarun to lend me a copy? Then I’ll catch the cutest Pokemon and name it after you~” you nearly groaned at how fluffy he was being. Seriously, he was distracting you from your agenda of going to sleep!

“Kazu! Stop flirting with me at 4 am or we might not fall asleep!”

Though you couldn’t see him, you were 200% sure he had a wide grin plastered on his face right now. “Me? Using tactics to get you to keep talking with me? Never,” he claimed, professing his false innocence.

“Well, I’m not falling for it! I may not be able to physically tuck you in bed right now, but I can in spirit!”

“Oh!? Then can you give me a goodnight kiss in spirit, too?”

At this point, you were sure that even with just a poke on the cheek you’d be able to feel the heat beginning to envelop your face.

As Kazunari finished laughing, you let the quiet lull of the night seep in the conversation for a few moments before gently breaking it.

“I’d rather give you a kiss irl, though.”

And just like that, you claimed victory over the game he started. With how Kazunari sputtered, a part of you worried that he’d disturb his roommate’s slumber. Still, an even bigger part of you was smug to have him speechless for that much of a duration.

“Babeeeee,” he drawled, “you’re so, so, so unfair… I, like, really want to hold you tight right now…” he murmured, the rustle of his bedsheets discernible through the call. You found yourself nestling onto your bed, too, snuggling up to a soft pillow.

“Soon,” you suddenly yawned, your tiredness seeming to have settled in the comfier you got on the bed. “We’ll have a lot of time to plan tomorrow and the days after, yeah?”

Kazunari let out a hum in agreement, a comfortable silence following suit.

“Kazu?” You muttered quietly, careful not to disturb your peaceful atmosphere.

“Yeah?”

“I love you. Good night,” you said, heart aflutter as you heard his response.

“I love you, too, cutie~ sweet dreams♪” he said in an unbelievably soft tone, before ending the call.

After quickly connecting your phone to a charger, you fell back atop your bed and hugged your pillow tight, already anticipating the day you’d be able to hold Kazunari in your arms, and you in his.

…

Morning come, you hastily prepared for class as you always did. You fell into your usual routine— as soon as you were out of the bathroom, you selected an outfit and went over the things you needed to bring to uni today.

You stopped for a minute; taking a quick selfie to post on your story and emphasise your exhaustion to your close friends, before making yourself some breakfast. Within less than 5 minutes, your phone pinged— a recorded message from one of your favourite people this early in the morning.

"Mornin' piko☆ You're looking cute as always today♪”

There was no way you would admit to how many times you replayed it to Kazunari, but even so it was a good way to keep you positive for the rest of the day.

You don’t remember Veludo Way being this rowdy, though it was hard to trust your memory when it’s probably been years since you’ve last visited. Somehow, it was not tough to imagine Kazunari walking around and performing here— the liveliness of the streets difficult to not associate with one of the liveliest people you knew.

While the original plan was to meet up at a cute and trendy cafe you saw all over people’s SNS, the two of you agreed to meet up somewhere less crowded and more meaningful to him— the theatre which he’d performed at multiple times in the past.

As you saw the building from a distance, you wondered when you’d be able to see him on stage, too.

A shout of your name pulled you out of your thoughts, and you couldn’t help yourself from running over to meet up faster with the figure that was jumping and waving around in your direction.

Had you any sense left, you probably would have told him that you didn’t want him embarrassing himself in public, but in reality it was quite apparent that you were just as excited to finally see him in person.

“Kazunari!” you can’t help the little shriek you let out as you finally embrace him, only joyous laughter and each others’ names escaping the both of your lips. When you finally got a good look at Kazunari, you nearly wanted to bury yourself into his shirt again.

Everything still seemed so unbelievable. That this was real. That it was finally happening. It almost felt like the dreams you’ve had of this moment many times before.

“How are you so beautiful in person, too?! It’s totes like I’m falling in love with you again♪” Kazunari exclaimed, squeezing you one more time before finally settling on holding hands with you. “Ahh! I super, duper love you!”

Except it wasn’t. There was nothing imaginary about his warmth, and the way his words made you feel, and the beaming sunshine of a smile he aimed at you.

“I love you, too!”

want to order again?

[amillionmillionvoices]

Do you have any techniques you find incredibly useful in creating good characterization?

Ooh excellent question! I’d say the two things I pay the most attention to for characterization are dialogue and motivation. 

Dialogue can be really tough, because I think the gut instinct in writing is to make the characters speak the way “normal people” talk in every day life. But in writing, that’s rarely the right way to go, because people are borrinnnnnggg lol. People also use a TON of filters, everything from “ums” to circular conversation, and that can be really distracting or uninteresting in a story/fic. (Take a show like The West Wing, or even something like Schitt’s Creek, for example. The dialogue is witty and clever, and that’s not to say people can’t be witty or clever but it’s not usually done in the same way or with the same precision and regularity. Like, I’m lucky if in a conversation I get ONE good one-liner off lol). But no one wants to listen to characters have this convo: 

“Hey, what’s up?” 

“Not much, how are you?” 

“Pretty good. How was your weekend?” 

“Eh, it was fine. Didn’t do anything.” 

“Me neither.” 

 Like don’t get me wrong, this is a perfectly great convo to have IRL! But on screen/in a fic/story, unless that conversation is pushing you somewhere, it’s just lead up to the ACTUAL conversation the characters want to have. 

People on TV usually get right to the point, but they also do that in unique ways. So another big thing I pay attention to is HOW people say things. What dialogue do they repeat, and in what circumstances do they repeat those words or phrases? What are their dialogue “quirks”? Are they short and terse? Long winded? Do they interrupt other people, or interrupt themselves? Do they give too much detail, or not enough? Are they reassuring in a crisis, or too distracted? etc. 

Eleven, for example, is prone to ridiculousness, long-winded and self-interrupted phrases, asides, as well as a kind of lyricism, or poetic interjections. Take this dialogue, from Night and the Doctor: 

River: Where are we going?

Eleven: Calderon Beta — boring planet of the chip shops — but there is a 400ft tree growing out of a cliff-top on the north side of a mountain in the middle of the sea. And if you take the lift to the top and look up, at exactly 12 minutes past midnight on the 21st of September, 2360, you can see more stars in one sky that at any other moment in the history of the universe. It's like daylight, only magic. You could read a book by it. 

So, we’ve got

- Asides: “boring, planet of the chip shops”  - Rambling/too much detail: “400ft tree, north side, middle of the sea, 12 minutes past, etc etc.”  - Poetics: ‘it’s like daylight, only magic’ - Ridiculous: ‘you could read a book by it.’ 

Thirteen, on the other hand, isn’t nearly as poetic. She’s more to the point, doesn’t give away a lot of herself, and isn’t quite as quick to try to comfort or reassure (12 is similar, at least in the beginning; he changes a bit with Bill). Thirteen tries, I think, but she’s also socially awkward in a different way than Eleven is, and that comes out in her dialogue - Eleven doesn’t know he’s awkward. Thirteen is very aware - so they behave differently and speak differently. 

Example: 

DOCTOR: This is where I leave you. NOOR: Answer me one question. The fascists, do they win? DOCTOR: Never. Not while there's people like you. (She touches Noor's temple.) DOCTOR: It's all right. I'm just removing me from your mind. (She catches Noor and lays her on the bed.) DOCTOR: Bonne chance.

(Skyfall, pt 2) 

VS

CLARA: Stop it. You're scaring her. DOCTOR: Good. She should be scared. She's sacrificing herself. She should know what that means. Do you know what it means, Merry? MERRY: A god chose me. DOCTOR: It's not a god. It'll feed on your soul, but that doesn't make it a god. It is a vampire, and you don't need to give yourself to it. Hey, do you mind if I tell you a story? One you might not have heard. All the elements in your body were forged many, many millions of years ago, in the heart of a far away star that exploded and died. That explosion scattered those elements across the desolations of deep space. After so, so many millions of years, these elements came together to form new stars and new planets. And on and on it went. The elements came together and burst apart, forming shoes and ships and sealing wax, and cabbages and kings. Until eventually, they came together to make you. You are unique in the universe. There is only one Merry Gejelh. And there will never be another. Getting rid of that existence isn't a sacrifice. It is a waste. MERRY: So, if I don't, then everyone else DOCTOR: Will be fine. MERRY: How? DOCTOR: There's always a way. MERRY: You promise? DOCTOR: Cross my hearts.

(Rings of Akhatan) 

So I mean, obviously there are things to consider, like the point in the episode the dialogue occurs in, what else is happening/still needs to happen plot wise, etc. but these two reassurances are INCREDIBLY different. Yes, one is said to a child, but both of these people are ostensibly asking, “Does good prevail? Does my sacrifice matter?” And these are the two totally different responses they get. 

I can talk about dialogue forever but I’m gonna move on now to the other thing, which is motivation. Why are they doing what they’re doing? Why are they saying what they’re saying? It’s not always obvious. 

Again, with the Doctor, 9/10 the motivation on the surface is PROTECT EVERYONE. But why?? Guilt? Compassion? God-complex? Fear? Self-righteousness? Usually it’s a combination of both selfish and altruistic traits that lead characters to do things (at least the “good guys”) so knowing why they’re doing the things they’re doing in the canon, as well as in the fic, I find to be really helpful.  

In fic, it’s figuring out what their motivation is in YOUR STORY! Which is the best part!! and the most frustrating part!!!! But also super important. 

So i’m just gonna use my own fic as an example: this is from my 13/river fic, just the dialogue: 

“Why me?”

“What?”

“You have plenty of friends, some more scrupulous than others. You obviously don’t want to be here, so why me?”

What makes you think I don’t want to be here?”

“You left me for dead. I assumed that meant your obligation had finally ended.”

“Obligation? You’re the only one I trust to get him out alive.”

“So it’s about him. Your new family.”

“River, please—“

“I don’t have time for this.”

“I’ve been there every time you’ve asked.”

“So this is quid pro quo?”

“No, it’s not—I just meant—"

“Because considering I gave up my life for you, multiple times, in fact, you have a lot of nerve asking me for anything.”

This particular fic is from 13′s POV, so we see some of her motivation in the narration - she’s terrified of losing River again, she’s confused about what’s going on, she wants to make things right, etc. But she’s also incredibly driven by FEAR in this scene. Fear that River really will walk out on her; fear that she deserves it; fear that she’s not going to say the right thing; fear that she WILL say the right thing, and things will change, etc. But mostly, she’s afraid that whatever she’s done this time is irreparable. That’s part of the reason why she doesn’t REALLY ask. She repeats River - “What makes you think I don’t want to be here”  “Obligation?” - rather than straight up asking, “Why are you angry?” She changes the subject back to Ryan - “you’re the only one I trust” and doesn’t quite manage to say what she WANTS to say. She tries guilting River, because she knows her well enough to think it’ll work. 

MEANWHILE, we don’t get River’s POV, but even still, she has to have motivations of her own in order for the dialogue to work. So for me, while I was writing this, I was thinking, “what does she want?” And she, of course, wants the Doctor to ASK HER. Wants her wife to straight up say, “What did I do, how do i fix it, I’m so glad you’re back, I love you” and those aren’t things she’s getting from 13, which leads to conflict in the scene. Whoo! 

But River is also at a point where she’s had 2 years post-Library where she’s been in a lot of pain, alone, thinking her spouse doesn’t love her, so she’s angrier than we usually get to see her on the show, which means that she’s in a situation where she can be a bit harsher than usual - BUT, that harshness doesn’t come from nowhere. (See, for example, AGMGTW or TATM). But I didn’t want to take it too far, you know? Because River still LOVES the Doctor very much, and doesn’t WANT to hurt her - she just wants to be loved in return, in a 

ALSO, I already knew at this point in writing it that River had a lot of baggage the reader didn’t know about yet, so that also has to factor into the dialogue and characterization. 

TLDR; I try to pay really close attention to the WAY characters speak as well as what they say AND I try to always know what they really want and how they plan to get it. 

[Edit:] I realized I forgot to clarify this, but for the record, dialects are NOT dialogue quirks. And I don’t mean quirk as I’m something strange, I mean something unique to a character (for example, my friend often answers a complaint with the line, teasingly, “Sounds like a personal problem.”) That’s a quirk in her dialogue. I DO NOT mean accents, regional dialects, communicating in a second language, or culturally based idioms.

[ ask me a question about fic or writing! ] 

[nlights37]

12, 18 and 20 please!

@aenarsnow gets FIRSTIES which means I answer with extra love, of course:)

Let’s GET IT

12.  How do you deal with self-doubts?

Well, I get ‘em a lot, just like everyone else, your standard, run-of-the-mill ‘”This is shit, why am I wasting my time on this, it’s crap, I’ve used the same adjective like 15 times now and also how many ways can I actually describe eyes I should be doing productive things instead of writing fanfic people are gonna hate it anyway, half the people that used to read my shit ghost me at this point ughhhhh this fandom suuuuuucccckkkkkkssss and so do I!!!”

Inevitably, at that point, I email whatever I’m working on to @noordinarylines, who has explicitly good taste, and who I KNOW will be honest with me if she doesn’t like something or doesn’t quite thinking something is working.

Then she reads it an emails me back and tells me I killed her in a good way and how dare I leave her hanging there, where is the rest, hurry the fuck up because it’s crazy mean to cliffhang her like that.

That usually gets my head right.  :)  There are a handful of people that I interact with that are some real, genuine, ride or die people (mostly because I am horrible at things like chatting regularly, etc - like I will genuinely completely fuck up my IRL day if I allow myself to get sucked into things like chats because I get tunnel vision and forget everything else, my full blown inattentive-type adult ADD in full effect).  But there are some real ones out here, and they know who they are, and if I think an idea is maybe worth a shot but I wanna bounce it off someone, or I want another set of eyes on something because I’ve stared at it so long I genuinely cannot tell if it’s any good, I reach out to them, and they set me straight.

Once I post something, tbh, I just let it ride, because it’s out there, and the people whose opinion I care about the most have already told me what they think, so I’m pretty satisfied with that.  If other people don’t like it they can suck my ass at that point, because I ain’t changing SHIT hahahahaha.

18.   What’s your revision or rewriting process like?

Well, here’s the thing about me.  I write it as it comes, and a lot of time I can feel when I’m writing it if it just isn’t fucking working.  I will backtrack then and there and start over.  For me, if I’m in the groove and it’s really rocking along I go with it.  There’s a flow to it, and then suddenly it’s been 5 hours and you’re like ‘IT’S GOLD, JERRY!  GOLD!”

If it’s like pulling teeth to write it I stop and come back to it later.  With a husband, three kids, ‘virtual learning’ and quarantine, my time to write is limited, so I try to make the most of it.  I run scenes for fics in my head a LOT, while I’m in the shower, or doing dishes, or folding clothes, so that by the time I get a chance to write I’ve made my mind up on exactly how it will go and I don’t have to sit there and look at a blinking cursor.

I don’t typically use a beta, not because I don’t think I need one (my frantic spotting of every damn mistake I made AFTER I post can attest to that) but more because once I’m done with something, I’m done, and I wanna post it.  I just get too excited to wait, you know, like a damn puppy who pees in excitement when someone knocks at the door.  I just wanna SHARE IT!

So, the tldr:  I do a lot of revision in my head before I sit down to write.  I don’t usually rewrite because the minute something stops flowing I scrap it :)

20.  Post a snippet of a WIP you’re working on.

Here’s a sneak peek of what @noordinarylines and I have been cooking up for the second story in the Remember the Time universe:

There was something soothing, Daenerys had found, about the line where the sea met the sky, the view afforded from her council chamber one that seemed the best suited for calming her ever-frazzled nerves.

It had been five days since she had taken her tumble on the far end of the island, five days full of the most piercing grief she’d ever experienced, which was truly remarkable.  Her losses, ‘til now, had been great and agonizing, but she could not shake the forlorn mood that had fallen over her since she’d found herself ripped away from what she was now classifying as a sweet, indulgent fantasy, borne of the trauma of her injury, nothing more.

And yet…

Tucked up the sleeve of her coat, always with her, was a rolled scrap of parchment, upon which she’d documented every single aspect of that lovely hallucination that she could remember.  She knew she ought to squirrel it away somewhere safer, hide it from view, leave it behind so she might stop dwelling on these imaginary losses, but she could not.

It had become a talisman, of sorts, something that gave her comfort, just the scrape of it against her skin when she moved her arm as she walked.

She would be mortified, of course, if it were discovered.  She was half-terrified it would slip free, and be found by another, her deepest longings read aloud.  But for now, it eased the walk from her chambers to whatever task lay ahead, and so she kept it.  “Your Grace?”

Daenerys turned from the wide, carved windows in her council chamber, to find Tyrion lingering, watching her with marked curiosity.

Quirking a brow, she did not answer, merely waited.  Her Hand came closer, his fingers trailing down the Riverlands on the painted table as he approached.  “Are you certain you are well?”

“I’m faring well, Tyrion.”  She managed a tight smile, coming to stand at the head of the table, her eyes travelling over the surface rather than meeting the scrutiny in his.  “A few lingering headaches, that’s all.”

“Hmmm.”  Tyrion took another drink, then plucked a carved piece from the table, turning it over in his hands.  When she peeked up, however, he was still staring at her.  “As you say.  Perhaps there is something else that troubles you?”

Dany smoothed her suddenly damp palms down the front of her coat, and kissed her teeth.  “I think we shall all rest easier once we receive word from Casterly Rock, that your plan has succeeded.”  It was enough to shift his focus, and there was a measure of truth in it; Missandei had been beside herself with worry over Grey Worm, and she reminded herself to ask her dear friend just what, precisely, had occurred between them.

Tyrion affected a confident air, and tucked away his wineskin, clasping his hands behind his pace and beginning to pace.  “Yes, a victory is just what we need right now.  And I have every confidence that we will prevail.”  He kept moving, rounding the table, stopping by the depiction of the Northern Kingdom and plucking the wolf from the surface.  His eyes met hers, and she froze.  “How are things with our openly-rebellious friend?  Have relations,” he paused, smirking, “thawed, perhaps, now that you have given him access to the mines?”

She wondered, at the keen tone of his voice, what it was he was truly asking beneath the rather mundane question.  In truth, she had been avoiding Jon Snow, these past few days, at least as much as she could.  The daytime hours were no issue; he was busy down in the mines, and she had seen several carts of the dragonglass he’d been so desperate for, so it seemed his search had been successful.

It was harder once the sun had departed, for they had taken to dining in the main hall, all of Dragonstone’s occupants, and though she tried desperately not to look at him, there were several times at every meal that she couldn’t quite resist.  One night, in particular, he’d been seated beside her, had asked in his low, rumbling voice if her wound pained her, had inquired with a gentleness that had broken her heart anew.

When she’d told him she was well, and not to worry, that she had survived far worse, he had frowned fiercely, as though such a notion troubled him greatly, and it had taken all her strength not to kiss him then and there.

She had resisted the urge, and made cordial, cool conversation with him as necessary, but by the time she’d returned to her chambers she had thrown herself onto her bed and wept.  She was tired of this, tired of weeping, of missing a life that hadn’t even existed, had not been hers to begin with.

Thank you for the ask, good sir!!!

[anothers-trash-my-treasure]

Elevated

I promised new content and I delivered ayyyy. I believe this was requested in my ask box a while ago, so here it is! My first fic with our baby Finn. Enjoy this one guys!

Pairing: Finn/Female Reader

Warnings: Smut asf (18+), unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap in IRL please, Swearing, dirty talk

Word Count: 1545

Tag List: @r-ahh-mi @malek-lover @sherlollydramoine 

Let me know if you want to be put on my Permanent tag list (and if I forgot to tag you just let me know and I will, I have a bad memory lol)

The doors opened with a ding and I smile politely at the familiar face inside.

“Hey, Finn,” I say cheerfully.

He shoots a smile right back at me as I settle in beside him in the small elevator. “Hey,” He grins, “Going to the lobby too?”

I nod and take a second to look him over. Finn’s always been easily the best looking guy at the office. Even though I could tell how uncomfortable the suits made him and how he was practically itching to be anywhere else. Nevertheless, his silvery-blue grey eyes and cool demeanour had practically the entire female population of the office swooning over him.

“Any big plans this weekend?” I ask, making small talk.

He opens his mouth the answer but before he can speak a loud screeching followed by a loud kind of thudding sound interrupts him and the elevator stops. Finn and I groan simultaneously, elevator malfunctions being quite common in our workplace, this was no cause for panic, just meer annoyance.

Finn presses the button to alert the mechanics, who inform us it’ll be about an hour before they can get us moving again. I sit down with a sigh, my back against the wall and motion for him to join me.

“We might as well get comfortable.”

He nods his agreement and sits next to me, the cramped space making it impossible for us to not be touching. The atmosphere feels glum and I shoot him a soft smile to try and lighten it up.

“Well, at least we have good company.” I nudge his shoulder playfully and he laughs softly, muttering a soft ‘yeah’. 

It’s quiet for a few more moments until a look crosses his features. It’s one I’ve seen on him before, usually when he’s making suggestive conversation at the office Christmas party. I know it means trouble, but my body doesn’t get the memo, as it sends a rush of heat down my spine.

“Finn,” I say, my voice border lining on scared and interested, “What are you thinking?”

And he shrugs, scooting closer to me and snaking an arm around my shoulder, “I was just thinking,” he pauses, his voice low and dripping in lust, “We have a bit of time to kill and it’s been a while since we...” he trails off knowingly and I giggle softly.

Yeah, Finn and I were no strangers when it came to doing the deed. The man was irresistible. All sly smiles and he’s practically a God with his hands. It had been a while since we got together, even longer since I had been with anyone else, my body craves his touch. But there’s a voice in my head, the logical one, that protests.

“We can’t here,” I say a little reluctantly, “There’s not enough time.”

“They said an hour.” he shoots back, “we have plenty of time.” he leans closer to me, testing the waters. And because I’m weak for him I let his lips meet my neck softly, the light touch being enough to send a shiver down my spine.

“But it could be fixed at any time,” I sigh when his teeth scrape a particularly sensitive area, “you know that.”

He just hums, his lips continuing their journey on my neck while his hand finds my thigh, running over and under my skirt teasingly. 

“Finn-” I protest weekly, but even as his name leaves my lips, my legs part open ever so slightly in a silent invitation.

“Tell me to stop.” He whispers hotly against my skin, moving his lips so that they hover over mine, “I’ll stop if you want me too.”

His lips are so close to mine, our nose-bump as an invisible force draws us closer and closed. I want him so bad. I sigh, defeated.

“Fuck it.”

And with that I’m throwing caution into the wind, crashing our lips together and relishing in the satisfied moan he lets out. We move quickly, the previously mentioned undetermined time restraint hanging over us as tugs me onto his lap. My hands immediately move to his pants, working furiously on getting the belt buckle open and maneuvering his pants down just enough to get him out. 

“Not fucking around today, I see.” He mumbles against my lips, fingers trailing under my skirt to rub my clit through my already damp panties. I hum into his mouth, relishing in the dull pleasure that his touch causes.

“No time for foreplay,” I pull away just enough to look into his eyes, my panting breaths no doubt hot against his lips as I manoeuvre myself so I’m hovering just over his cock, “Just fuck me,” I say breathily. 

Finn growls into my mouth, surging forward to kiss me heavily while his fingers tug my panties to the side. They find their way to my clit, rubbing teasing, tight circles against it. I whine softly into the kiss, mumbling against his lips. I felt my cunt squeeze around nothing, feeling all to empty and only fueling the need that boils in the pit of my stomach. I need him so desperately.

“Finn,” I breath, “Fuck me, please.”

Finally, finally, he grips my hips and lowers me down onto his cock. I moan too loudly, revelling in the feeling of his cock stretching me open, deeper and deeper until my ass comes in contact with the fabric of his suit pants. I can feel every ridge and vein rubbing against my walls in the most pleasurable way possible.  

“Fuck..” I breathe breathily, my hips grinding down onto him steadily.

He grunts against my lips in agreement and then his fingers readjust his grip on my hips, beginning to guide me up and down on his cock steadily. My hands grip his shoulder and back of his neck tightly as I feel him brushing against my G-spot with every movement. 

“Fuck baby,” He moans, “So fucking wet for me.” His head rolls back, eyes fluttering shut before looking back down to watch him disappear into my body. We quickly speed up the pace, both of us losing ourselves in each other, in the hot, wet drag of our bodies against one another. His hands guide my movements to benefit both of our pleasure, his cock hitting my g-spot as my cunt grips his most sensitive spots. He’s panting heavily against my lips, placing sloppy kisses against my lips every few minutes.

“Finn,” I moan urgently, “You feel so good, I’m not gonna..” a high whine interrupts my sentence as a particularly deep stroke sends a shock of arousal through me.

“Yeah?” He asks breathlessly, his fingers digging into my hips harder and there’s for sure going to be bruises there tomorrow, “You gonna cum on my cock baby?” 

I let out an obscene moan at the filthy words that leave his lips and nod enthusiastically. I can feel my release tightening in my core, just out of reach and needing something more. 

Finn knows exactly what I need, one hand letting go of my hip to rub fast circle on my clit, encouraging me with soft, filthy words spoken next to my ear.

“That’s it baby girl,”  he says, “Cum on my cock, be a good girl and cum for me.”

A series of increasingly higher pitched ‘uhh’s and ‘yeah’s leave my lips as my pleasure comes to a crescendo until my body snaps, my climax washing over me with his name on my lips. My body tingles with pleasure, hips rolling as I ride out my orgasm, high breathy moans, whimpers and whines leaving my lips.

My contracting muscles only serves to send Finn over the end, his hands gripping my hips tightly, heading rolling back as his muscles tighten only to release a few moments later.

“Goddd.” He moans through gritted teeth, his hips giving a few hard thrusts before they stutter, turning shallow and slow as he rides out the waves of pleasure. 

I bring my forehead against his, panting lightly as I catch my breath. His hands release their grip, instead moving the caress my thighs in a way that sends a shiver up my spine and a low zing of pleasure to run through me. He kisses me softly, pulling away to smirk lightly at me.

Before either of us can say anything, the power kicks back on and the elevator is moving again. Our eyes widen and we scramble; lifting myself off of his now soft cock onto shaky legs and straightening out my clothing and hair. Finn quickly tucks himself back into her pants, and runs his hands over his suit, trying uselessly to straighten out the wrinkles that come with floor sex, half-dressed in an elevator. 

The doors open and we step out, thanking the electricians before walking to the parking lot. Finn stops me before I can go my separate way to my car.  Looking around to make sure no ones within earshot before speaking.

“Come over later?” 

I roll my eyes, but my stomach flutters at the idea.

“I’ll text you?” I propose and he nods, turning to walk away, “Oh and Finn?” He turns and I smirk devilishly, leaning in to whisper in his ear.

“Don’t look now, but your cum is dripping down my leg.”

[chaoskatya]

unfinished brooke x katya hatefuck fic

hi yall :^) so ive had this sitting in my drafts for a WHILE and ive barely dented the actual planned plot but still i felt like it was kind of a waste of what i did write to not ?? idk do something with it? this was originally written for AQ’s rarepair event but irl stuff got in the way so it never got finished, and i kinda lost the inspo to finish it (for now? idk) so here it is, posted unedited in however it was when i last touched it

brooke x katya hatefuck, (well, planned, i obv hadnt written that far) inspired by pics of trixie and brooke together that one time they were weirdly hanging out a lot irl and that one outfit brooke has that looks like that one outfit katya has the polkadot one u know it

“Ugh, I swear, Vi! She really has something against me! I think she hates me!”

Katya punctuates her sentence with a flail of her arms for emphasis before flopping back onto her bed. Violet just rolls her eyes at her roommate’s dramatics, as per usual. This is the third time they’ve had this conversation this week.

“So she’s a little icy, what of it? It’s not like you’re not used to having a mega bitch around, you live with me,” Violet responds plainly, not even bothering to look up from her laptop, “and I don’t think anybody could hate you, Kat.”

Katya huffs at that. “No, I swear, she hates me.”

Katya Zamolodchikova is absolutely sure of three things in her university life: One, Trixie Mattel is her best friend. Two, nothing gets in between her and Trixie. Three, Brooke Lynn Hytes is absolutely making her best fucking attempt.

Katya and Trixie had met last year, Katya being a sophomore in visual arts and Trixie a freshman in musical theater, when Katya had accidentally crashed Ginger’s (kind of pathetic) attempt at being a tour guide for the freshmen of her course. They’ve only known each other for a year, but ever since then the two quickly became inseparable and a year had felt like a lifetime. All of their friends knew, and Katya held it close to her heart, that nothing could possibly stand in their way. That is, until the beginning of this semester.

Trixie had been elected as class representative at the start of their sophomore year, which did not surprise Katya one bit. But that meant that when Canadian exchange student Brooke Lynn Hytes had arrived for the semester, it was Trixie’s job to show her around and make her feel welcomed. And being that Brooke’s degree in classical dance meant her and Trixie had quite a few overlapping classes, the two hit it off and had gotten closer and closer since. It’s only half way through the semester, yet Katya feels as though she’s slowly becoming more and more of a background character in Trixie’s life. They still text each other when they can, but hangout times have slowly grown increasingly thin and so has Katya’s sanity. Not that it’s Trixie’s fault, of course…

“I can’t explain it. But I promise, it’s almost like she’s purposefully occupying Trixie from me! Every time it looks like we might get a chance to even just talk, she’s there coming round the corner asking Trixie for help in one of their classes or for show recs or whatever. And she always looks me dead in the eye, with her stupid fucking smirk, like she knows what she just did! I can’t explain the feeling I get when I see her!”

Katya’s hit full ranting steam now, half hanging off her bed still flailing as animated as ever.

Violet shuts her laptop and turns to face her. “Mama, sounds like you hate her. Sure it’s not just in your head because you’re jealous the amazon’s occupying your barbie?”

There’s a beat of silence. “Jealous? I guess?” Katya scrunches up her face and sits up. “I mean, how could I not be? With her stupid long legs and her flowing blonde hair, like god, Vi, she’s practically perfect! And have you seen her dance?”

Katya turns to pose her question, but Violet is just staring, giving her a look she can’t decipher. She continues,

“So then, fine, of course I’m jealous, but that’s because Trix is my best friend. I barely see her anymore, and when I do she’s always there and I just get so riled up! And I’m sure Trix has started to notice because god I just can’t stand it when she’s near, it just sets me alight in an awful way. I’ve never felt this way about anybody before!” And it’s true, Katya really does not think of herself as someone capable of fully hating someone else. But by god, is Brooke really testing that.

Violet scoffs, turning away to open her laptop once more. “Look Mary, all I gotta say is that that’s an awful lot of emotion for some best friend jealousy. Also, you have a lecture starting in ten minutes.”

Fuck! Katya checks her watch and immediately jumps up to scramble for her belongings, deeply thankful for her roommate’s type A tendencies yet internally chastising herself for allowing her ranting to consume her time like that. She quickly kisses Violet on the cheek and bids her farewell before putting on her boots and heading out of their dorm room to make her best effort to speed walk to class.

But as luck would have it, not that Katya has a lot of it, she quite literally walks right into the subject of their prior conversation. Well, speak of the devils…

“Oh! Trixie, hi!” Katya laughs, immediately reacting to steady Trixie from where Katya had almost knocked her over with the door. From the way she was standing, she figured she had opened the door just as Trixie was about knock.

“Katya! Thank god, I was worried you wouldn’t be in,” Trixie smiles back brightly, smoothing her fluffy golden hair back into place. (Not that it’s ever really out of place, Katya thinks to herself.) 

Katya smiles at her, a sight for sore eyes she thinks, but when she realizes Brooke is standing at the end of the hall waiting for Trixie, her smile doesn’t quite reach her eyes. Whether Trixie noticed Katya’s tension or not, she didn’t let on. At least Brooke had the decency to wait at a reasonable distance.

“Uh, yeah, I was just heading out though,” Katya replies, trying her best to look sympathetic. She doesn’t mind that she’s running late anymore, just feels bad she even has to go. “But did you need something?”

Trixie looks equally as sympathetic. “Yeah, uh, listen, I’m really sorry. I know we haven’t been able to hang recently and I’m really sorry for that, midterms and all…”

“Hey, it’s alright, I knew you were busy. It’s no problem, really.” That’s a lie.

“But now that it’s over, let’s celebrate! Let me make it up to you? Be my date to the Edwards party tonight?”

Katya’s smile softens. As much as she was planning to trade in the party for a well-deserved movie night in with Violet and Pearl, she finds she really can’t say no to Trixie, especially not when she’s looking at her like an apologetic puppy. Whipped.

“Down for anything with you, Barbie. Meet you at the dorm hall at 8?”

Trixie squeals and picks Katya up by the middle, “AAAAAAAH yes!! See you bitch!!”

Katya squirms violently to be put down but laughs it off anyway. She really can’t be too mad at her best friend.

“Anyway, I gotta run, see you later Trix!” She rushes to hug Trixie quickly once more before escaping as briskly yet casually as she can out the door. This fails her when all semblance of casualty is lost as she passes the point where Brooke is, all tall and blonde and beautiful even just standing around. As she passes, her gaze quite obviously steels ahead to avoid looking Brooke in the eye, but she can’t fail to catch the quite obvious smug smirk the Canadian has posed on her painted lips.

----

Katya managed to make it to class with only 5 minutes late, thankfully just as her professor was entering the other door. She plops down into her usual seat with an audible groan and immediately drops her head in her hands.

Brooke. Stupid fucking Brooke Lynn Hytes. Lately, Katya’s wandering thoughts always go back to her. There hasn’t been a time where her idle time hasn’t been haunted by a certain ballerina chipping away at her precious concentration. She sees perfect long blonde hair, icy blue eyes, and tone legs that go all the way up. 

If she’s being completely honest with herself, she is just a bit jealous of Brooke but not for the reasons Violet insinuates. I mean, sure, she misses Trixie to bits. But that’s only one of the many straws on the camel that is Katya’s completely rational anger. 

It’s not that she’s perfect, either, but that sure adds another straw. Seemingly introverted, but able to capture the hearts of anyone in her path through quick and honest charm. Graceful and poised, where Katya is not, and tall and curvy, where Katya is not. Katya really doesn’t understand how someone can attend 7am dance classes with a flawless mug and still leave rehearsals with not an eyelash out of place, it’s inhuman.

No, it’s that no matter how much others testify on her behalf, Katya does not understand it. She doesn’t know what she did, but she has somehow done something to aggravate Brooke against her, and it bothers her endlessly that she doesn’t even know what she did to incur such spite. Katya doesn’t see any of the charm or kindness that others profess, only smug smirks and cocky passive-aggressive jabs and a seemingly passionate desire to find any way she can to poke Katya’s buttons and prompt some kind of response. She’s lucky Katya has a lot more self control than most, and she’s restrained herself from biting back thus far.

She thinks back to the first time she spotted Brooke, on the first day of the semester when Katya had gotten bored and decided to drop in on Trixie’s representative duties despite explicit instructions not to intrude. She had found her in one of the gardens of the student commons, and instinctively made her way to run up and tackle her before realizing Trixie wasn’t alone and stopping dead in her tracks.

Trixie was sitting next to someone Katya didn’t recognize, which was a surprise in itself because Katya knew next to everybody personally in their modestly sized arts college.  The girl was sitting next to Trixie on a bench, both hands holding one of Trixie’s own as Trixie appeared to animatedly be telling some story. Trixie then finally noticed Katya frozen standing awkwardly at some distance and paused in the middle of her speech to yell at Katya and becon her over. 

“Katya! This is Brooke Lynn, a Canadian exchange student for the semester. Brooke, this is Katya, my best friend!”

Brooke lazily shifted her gaze from Trixie to give Katya the once over, glancing her up and down. Whatever she saw, she suddenly stood up and crowded into Katya’s space, gazing down at her intensely directly from the advantage their clear height difference gave her.

“Well, it’s certainly nice to meet you… Katya.” 

And on her lips, the same painted red smirk. The same stupid smirk that would continuously haunt her until…

“Kat, you with us girl?” Hissed Pearl in her ear, jabbing her hard in the side.

[spontaneousmusicalnumber]

SO YOU WANT TO TEACH PEOPLE ABOUT GENDER AND SEXUALITY.

Throughout my college career, I volunteered in a campus organization whose goal was to provide an opportunity for people to learn about gender and sexuality through facilitated Q&A panels. I loved it, and wish that there was more of an opportunity to create those experiences in the world at large. I’ve gotten some requests to share my experience, so here’s a write-up for the key points if you want to try and run one yourself.

These panels should be controlled, planned events for a cohesive group. I have done panels for classrooms, clubs, Greek organizations, and even a university staff department. They have a structure, a beginning and an end. You will be revealing a lot of personal information, so being comfortable in that role is a must. The state I live in has legal protections for gender identity and sexuality in work, education and housing so I never felt threatened opening up. You are under no obligation to do a panel if you do not feel safe.

Facilitating a Panel:

There is always a facilitator, and anywhere from 2-5 panelists depending on the size of the audience. The facilitator’s job is to organize and manage the event. They are the point of contact for the organization that requests a panel, they maintain control of the situation and ensure both the panelists and the audience feel safe and comfortable. They also make sure the pace keeps moving and can cut off a conversation if it gets too long or repetitive and not enough questions are being answered.

Ground Rules:

At the beginning of the panel, the facilitator lays down several ground rules. Both audience members and panelists are expected to abide by these rules at all times for safety and civility.

Rule 1: No Outing.

Ask if anyone in the audience knows what outing is, and if not introduce them to the concept of sharing parts of someone’s identity without their permission. Explain that this is a big taboo in the community, both for respect of privacy and for personal safety. Tell the audience that they are free to take away the stories and the general ideas expressed, but the names and identities behind them will stay in this room. This applies to audience members’ identities as well; they can be assured that the panelists will not share them.

Rule 2: Give Respect to Get Respect.

This one seems simple but is important to note. Aggressive or confrontational behavior does not lead to comfortable conversation or open minds. Let the audience know that the panelists are people too, and can choose whether or not they are comfortable answering a question. Just as the panelists are expected to maintain civility, so is the audience.

Rule 3: Assume Goodwill.

Trust that you the panelists are here to teach, and they the audience is here to learn. Ask the audience to use the most respectful language they can and assure the audience that the panelists will not attack or demean them for it. It is alright if someone does not know what words are respectful or offensive, trust that they’re trying and are open to being corrected.

Guidelines for Panelists

Start with your story. This is usually ~3 minutes long, and serves as an introduction to you. It can encompass a coming out, a realization, a meaningful moment, any combination of the above. My story talks about the rocky path to realizing and accepting I was asexual. At the very least, introduce yourself and give your pronouns. A good story will ‘drop breadcrumbs’ or introduce ideas for the audience to ask about.

After all panelists have told their story, the facilitator will open up the room for questions. These can be related to panelist’s stories, questions they had previously, or questions about current events. If audience members are unwilling to raise their hands you can try providing paper and pencils for anonymous questions. Cracking a joke about the 30 seconds of dead silence usually helps to break the ice, and once one hand is raised then usually the ball gets rolling. This is now your time to shine.

Speak from your own experience. If there is a panelist who has an identity you do not, they are the expert and it’s not your place to talk over them. You are the expert on yourself as well, so don’t let yourself get talked over. It is OK to not know an answer, just speak honestly. You can speak from research you have done or general experiences from people you know, but be sure to clarify that this is something you have learned from somebody else and remember to respect “No Outing”.

This is not the time or place to gatekeep. If you are an ace/aro/bi/pan/trans/NB exclusionist, I urge you to either keep your mouth shut when the topic shifts towards those identities or reconsider your place on the panel. Your job is to allow people to take an open, accepting stance towards non-straight and non-cis identities, not spread close-minded rhetoric. If you share an identity in a way that is different from another, say you are a dysphoric trans person for whom dysphoria is a large factor in your identity, you may speak from your own experience that way. However, you should not express that people who do not share your identity are not valid in theirs.

Be on your best behavior, no matter the question. This part can get hard, but it’s where “Assume Goodwill” comes in. Easily 99% of people in this situation will be respectful and just want to learn. They may not know what language is correct, or may only know offensive words for a certain idea. Correct these before you answer their question and explain why those words are harmful, but don’t shame them for not knowing the right language. You can ask clarifying questions if you don’t know what they’re getting at (or if you want them to realize what they’re getting at).

There will, rarely, be people who come with the intention of inciting anger or throwing insults or worse. At this point, they are not coming in to learn, so your goal is to make an impact on the other audience members. Respond to questions of religious intolerance with statements that that is not a belief you share. Request that they follow the ground rules, remind them of “give respect to get respect”. The facilitator of the panel or the organizer of the audience (if a classroom, the teacher) should intervene to ask them to leave if they cannot abide by the ground rules.

You can choose not to answer a question and can choose whether or not to give a reason why. “That’s too personal” is plenty. As an asexual on the panel I got more than enough questions about my sex life, whether I wanted kids or wanted to get married. These were questions I did not answer, instead offering a larger view of the community. I would explain how asexual people all had their own comfort zones and defined their sexuality differently, and while some decided they would like to be alone others can and do engage in all types of partnerships.

Unpack, unpack, unpack! Talk about the question that audiences are really asking when they ask who the man or the woman in a relationship is. Bring up heteronormative standards! Bring up sexist expectations of relationship dynamics! Bring up restrictive notions of gender! Bring up privacy concerns! A very simple question can reveal a lot about how someone’s personal biases shape their view of gender and sexuality so do your best to break it down in a way they can understand.

Try to define any words you are using. Audience members often won’t know what ‘cisgender’ means, or the difference between sexual and romantic orientation, or what dysphoria is. Try to keep them in the loop and be ready to provide definitions if the need arises. Again, defer to those who hold the identities in question before you answer and don’t be afraid to admit you don’t know something. 

Closing the Panel

Refer the audience to resources to continue their education. Offer both in-person places like a campus LGBT services center and trustworthy online resources like AVEN for asexuality. Establish a point of contact between the facilitator and the audience if they feel comfortable doing so- can the audience email anyone with further questions?

After the audience files out, gather with the other panelists and facilitator for a recap. Talk about what you think went well, what you think could have gone better, if you felt comfortable or not, if you felt talked over or if you felt like you talked too much, and how you think you could improve in the future. This is best for a team that may meet again, but even for a one-off event I feel it’s important.

That’s the start of it.

IRL, a panelist undergoes a 2-day training and practice panel before they are considered a panelist. This post is 1500 words already, so I’ll leave it there, but let me know if there’s something I can explain better or if you want more resources or examples! 

[levyfiles]

27 for the end of year asks?

#27. Have you done anything that scared you?

Ooof Ok. A little backstory then. Warning: this is a long little personal irl tale and hopefully interesting enough to be worth sharing so I’ll put it under a cut.

Before I got my promotion in January, I had spent all of last year already doing the work for less of the pay because my manager trained me to do all the paperwork and accounting for her on Wednesday so she could focus on other stuff. I was fully trained to run the accounting on the full slot count every day but there were no shifts available for me to be supervisor because a guy (let’s call him R) who had worked there much longer than I had taken on more shifts earlier last year. I was patient and worked full time, I even covered for anyone who was sick, did my time until said guy moved on to another department. 

Suddenly the shifts opened up and unfortunately at the same time, another guy (we’ll call him B) who had the Saturday supervising shift took some time off because of an injury and of course, like I said in an earlier ask, a really shitty worker quit. I was, from the end of February and all of March and April, running the department from Thursday to Sunday with 3 brand new workers who I had to train at the same time as do the job I had to. It was hard, the hours were longer, and there were times I really felt so drained I thought I’d never get my regular life back. 

B quit permanently because he couldn’t do the more physical aspects of our work which involve hauling 1 tonne iron carts full of over 500 slot machine casettes full of money across the casino and then opening said casettes one by one to count and sort the cash. The job involves a lot of repetitive hand-intensive tasks and for all the math and stacks of cash and electrical sorters, the hardest part of the job is getting the money off the floor at hours between 2am - 4am or at earliest 6am. It takes a toll on people and the body. I’m lucky enough that I’ve always been nocturnal so the hours are me at my sharpest and strongest.

At some juncture in May, R who had gone to tables to be a dealer wanted to come back. The hours were shit and guests who play poker are too often assholes to the card dealers. I learned the news second hand from a guest service manager that my manager had already agreed to reschedule him to come back.immediately. I confronted R who had neither told me he was leaving to begin with and didn’t tell me he had plans to come back. He told me everything I heard was true and worse. I was terrified because a) what I had had to go through to train the new crew b) the large amount of time I’d spent waiting for this promotion. 

It hurt all the more because R happens to be one of my really good friends. I called my manager that morning to ask her about it. I’ll always think about that phone call and what it taught me about how people are in positions of authority even when they tell you ‘you can talk to me about anything’. Her first reaction was to act like she didn’t know what I was talking about and she flip-switched the moment I told her who told me about it. That I had asked R personally and he told me his return date, that he’d been guaranteed by higher management that he could come back and that everything would be the same; that his stint on the dealing tables was just a trial to see if he would like it given that the dealing department was short (for obvious reasons). She sighed and switched up her tack, suddenly it was “no one was supposed to know” and other crap. Finally I was able to work up the nerve to ask her, “After all we’ve been through, me and the new crew; am I going to lose my position so R can come back and have his old one?” She seemed surprised by the question and the entire conversation in general, but she guaranteed that there was a miscommunication; that R’s return would only impact the new girls. My position was safe. 

This bothered me. It bothered me because my manager, before news of R’s coming back had dropped, had started training one of these new girls (let’s call her S) to cover my position if I was ever sick or injured (very normal thing to do) so now there would be 3 people on the crew who could do the job I was doing. Before R wanted back in, I was relieved that maybe S would get a supervising shift so I wouldn’t be so overwhelmed. 

Now this is where it gets complicated. The schedule was all over the place. S was now fully trained to cover for anyone who didn’t show, got sick, or injured is great at her job; we all love her. She fits right in. and is always willing to cover shifts and has since become my movie-night buddy. A week after she was trained, my manager sends me an email saying that we’ve got the new crew cemented, she’s got the new schedule all worked out. She keeps me on Thursdays and Fridays, gives R Saturdays, and then S takes Sunday because, according to my manager “Everyone who’s trained to supervise and do the accounting needs to have a regular shift. It’s only fair.” 

So just a reminder, the whole of last year I was put on call, working under two adolescent dudes who I had to push myself to my physical limit to be as good as all while waiting and wondering if a shift would ever open up; if I’d ever be able to actually get paid for the job I was already doing for my manager on Wednesdays. That whole time it had never seemed to occur to her to give me one of R or B’s shifts, but now suddenly she has someone new on that’s not me, it’s all about being fair and delegating out shifts fairly. I was really hurt. It was that all my hard work this past two years would mean nothing and to speak up would mean I’d be ruining S’s chance, have her waiting as long as I did or maybe longer to earn a shift. Usual me would do nothing, just take what I had got and never really speak about how mad and hurt I was about being passed over for a year and only given a promotion when my manager had lost two of her staff. I was mad that a guy could leap between departments and still be guaranteed everything and It made me concerned that if I hadn’t called her that morning, would she have bothered to preserve my position. Would it have been a no communication, silent demotion where I check the schedule and everything’s back to what it was last year. It’s hard watching that happen, hard not to think when you’re the one mixed-race black girl in a small predominately white run casino that being treated like crap feels equated to something a little more deep-seated than just coincidence or circumstance. 

First I talked to S. I just asked her how she felt about the job, about the trial by fire she went through in her first months working with us and she had been hinting a lot lately about how she felt a little bit of resentment for R because with his return, she was worried her and I wouldn’t be as close. That was a whole other thing we would later need to work out. The conclusion we got to was she didn’t want a supervising shift because she was working part time in maintenance outdoors and she liked it that way. I on the other hand, only have the department we were in.

I made the decision not to be usual me. It was mid-June and I invited my manager out for breakfast after work one day and I sat with her over eggs at Denny’s and I told her how the past year had felt, how it had looked when she made the decision to cut my shifts in the fashion of fairness when I had waiting a year and some months since being trained to get a chance at a regular supervising shift, that when i finally did get the promotion, it was like being abandoned because it was only after R and B were gone. I was terrified the whole time I gave my little speech because I didn’t want to appear angry or overly emotional in any capacity because if she was doing this on purpose, my reaction could easily be taken as aggressive and then I would definitely lose it all. 

I was surprised. She apologised to me, said that the thought had never occurred to her that I had been waiting, that she wished I had said something before. Feels strange now. She could easily have been lying to me, but ultimately it doesn’t matter. Now R, S, and I work together and we have a lot of fun at work and we help one another. I still keep all my supervising shifts and R (who turns out is a part time streamer on Twitch) wanted more time off anyway so there’s been no bad blood at all. Weirdly enough, in August, we all went to R’s wedding and celebrated with him until they packed up the venue, and just yesterday, we had a dinner together with R and his wife, S, me and another one of our coworkers. We feel like family most days and that is worth the terror and the fear I had going into the job to start with and speaking up for myself. Sometimes shit like that works out and I don’t think I’m going to be too meek or afraid to take a leap like that where my job’s concerned anymore.

(bravo if you made it to the end of this weird little story

[aquarianlights]

Unpopular opinion, but the “Treat Yoself” self care ideal is EXTREMELY HARMFUL to people with BPD and actually dangerous to us.

As someone with the most extreme case of borderline you can possibly imagine in the impulsivity category, the “Treat Yoself” ideal has made me a much happier person these past few years. . .but it has also p much ruined my life. If I didn’t have an insane amount of help from a million different angles supporting me at all times, I’d be a goner.

Example: I signed a lease to a new apartment just a week or so ago, maybe not even that long ago. I have to pay the first month rent before I move in on the 1st of next month otherwise I cannot move in. I had 5k, almost 6k dollars to my name a mere 2 or 3 days ago. I now have less than 2k to my name. How? Who knows. Certainly not me! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Someone who is uneducated on what BPD is about would say that’s just a normal human being irresponsible or not knowing how to manage money, etc etc etc. They usually fall on the “no self control” shtick that we should all know by heart by now. There’s a million things that everyone with BPD has heard before, but we all know very well none of the things these people say are even close to the core of the issue.

There’s a H U G E difference between people who have no self control and people with borderline. People who have no self control are just kind of starting to wade into the shallow end of the pool without testing how cold or hot the water was first with their issues and then they can sometimes get to the point of *safely* falling off the side of the pool deck and into the shallow end again where they are in no danger of drowning. . .while people with borderline have just rock-climbed a waterfall cliff in the middle of a forest by themselves with no harness and then *immediately* proceeded to jump off of the cliff backwards and blindfolded into the lake full of water below without ever having checked to see if there were rocks in the water or how deep the water was.

That is how significantly different those two categories of people are and that is why it is *SO* frustrating when the layman diminishes BPD and says, “Oh, you’re just being irresponsible with money. It’s okay! Everyone does it.” No, good sir. Everyone does NOT do these kinds of things. NORMAL. HEALTHY. PEOPLE. WOULD NEVER DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS! If they did, it would be a CONSCIOUS DECISION to do it and it would be controlled and they would have fail-safes and back-up plans galore in place in case something went wrong! Normal, healthy people would never live like borderline people are forced to live.

If I could show someone that I am only just now finding permanence for the first time SINCE I TURNED 18 IN 2010 and am just hoping it works out and don’t know if it actually will because, well, BORDERLINE. . .maybe people around the world wouldn’t recite those lines like they were reading from a script.

There’s a million things I could list and that one tiny run on sentence is not even close to scraping the tip of the iceberg. That’s like...uh, getting close enough to feel how cold that iceberg must be so you can say “Wow that must be cold to touch!” without even having touched the iceberg yet, nevertheless having scraped it. If you catch my drift.

People just think that when we mention we’re impulsive as a sort of warning to them, it’s a cute flirting thing or an adorable personality quirk. Like, “Oh, you’re spontaneous? That’s wonderful! I love spontaneous people. I love to go on wild adventures! Hanging out with you will be so fun!” No, my dude. My pal. My buddy. My friend. That is not what we mean at all. When someone with borderline says “impulsive”, they *DO* *NOT* mean “spontaneous”. Ever. We do not group the word impulsive with spontaneous in these warnings.

The impulsivity issues will ruin our lives over and over again unless we actively fight it every single second of every single waking moment. There is no resting. There are no breaks. There is no escape. It is a constant battle between that “DO THE THING”/”TREAT YOSELF” mindset that we have a natural tendency to do without a second thought like it is second nature...AND that other side of having to FORCE ourselves to stop immediately when we are about to engage in the thing that we have already started doing/saying/whatever as soon as the thought entered our mind (it happens that fast, yes) and force a corrective thought/behaviour into place so that we can think about what we are about to do first and actually weigh the pros and cons and THEN decide whether or not to do the thing like a NORMAL PERSON would.

I don’t like to say we act on emotion. . .because I don’t feel like I do. I’m not sure if others with borderline feel they do, but I certainly don’t because there simply isn’t enough time for there to be any emotion and I know this will sound so stereotypical, but. . .I’m an Aquarius. I just don’t experience emotions like others do, honestly. Hahaha. #onlyaquariankidswillunderstand

When you’re borderline, your actions practically coincide with your thoughts. The second you think about doing a thing, there is no question about whether it’s going to be done or not: It’s already been done by the time one could even inquire as to whether it should be or not.

We have *NO* impulse control. None. Nada. Negative. Less than none. ZERO. We exist without it. I can’t remember a time in which I existed with any ounce of impulse control that wasn’t enforced by me in a way in which I was hyper-cognizant of my enforcing it at all times. I have always existed without it. Every day is a struggle to enforce something that we do not have and never have had. Every day is a constant struggle to enforce something that we have never experienced in a natural state.

Every day is a constant struggle to try to find that middle balance between the two extremes of Treat Yoself and You Don’t Deserve Anything At All, since those seem to be our only two settings.

We either feel we deserve the world and should have all the things. . .or we should rid ourselves of everything and never have anything, nevertheless buy anything for ourselves or accept anything offered.

Being borderline is living in a world of extremes and having to force your way into some parallel universe that doesn’t really exist to find a middle ground and then having to fight every single day you wake up for the rest of your life for your right to stay in that parallel universe.

It is exhausting. Being at one extreme or the other constantly while desperately wanting to be at a middle ground all the time or even at a straight, chill, nothing for once in your life is fucking exhausting.

Being borderline is exhausting and having all these people who really don’t know anything try to disparage the issue by saying we are spontaneous (in a flirty or quirky way) and just have no self control (”which is just a human thing! don’t worry, you’re young! you’ll get there!”) is just SO exhausting.

Treat Yoself is a GREAT concept for just about everyone!...except for the small portion of the population that is borderline.

I only wish I had known this from the beginning.

Feel like you can relate? I basically wrote this because I’ve been thinking about this for a VERY long time and I actually have talked about this aloud with one of my roommates TWICE now (maybe more than twice, Idk) because of so many reasons.

I figured it was about time to finally write up the text post that went along with the conversations I’ve been having irl.

I really hope someone can relate and that I’m not just rambling fucking crazy things over here. I don’t think I am. I think this is #relatable af. I really do. But I won’t know until I post it and tag it and see if anyone else can relate.

Obviously, I know the BPD section will be filled with people who don’t actually have BPD (aka self-dxers who have given themselves BPD and who knows what other millions of things who most likely do not actually have BPD), so if you actually have a BPD diagnosis, I’d love some feedback. Coz I really hope I’m not just rambling into the void here. This is relatable, yeah? Other people feel this in their very soul like I do, yeah? This is a PROBLEM, yeah??? Sure is for me, fam.

😶😶😶 Idk, bruh. I’m just gonna stop now and hope for the best. Whatever “best” is. Lololol.

-KQR

((Hope there’s no spelling/grammar/whatever mistakes. Need to proofread...later...if I ever get around to it. I probably won’t tbh. Just ignore mistakes. I’m fucking tired. Fall semester starts Monday and I’m just not readyyyy......))

[proverbsofpestilence]

I know this coward blocked us all, but I’m still gonna publish it, BECAUSE I WAS READY TO POST IT JUST BEFORE OUR QUEEN VALENTINA BLOCKED US ALL. I knew you were waste of time, but damn. I guess that’s it for “I don’t care about this discussion and I’m back to my great amazing life”, huh?

tbh I hadn’t planned to respond in the beginning, because of this post:

(that you btw deleted after few minutes and didn’t even mention me like an unbothered warrior princess you are) if there were fucking diplomas in pseudosciense yours should had been taken away after saying that “ENFJ 6 so/sx is the type that’s more able to survive/navigate in the real world”. girl, have you seen sp blind 6? they’re rare, but they’re exist. and you’re one of them.

>I’m replying to you idiots @hitsujinko @proverbsofpestilence on a different post because that’s what you two should have done in the beginning

oh you mean, we should reply to you in different post without even mentioning you and then delete it right away? like you did? wow great, thanks for your tip.

>Hmm no, @syntheticalcomposure didn’t have to be “sceptic” of my post because it said nothing controversial, she just doesn’t fucking know how to read

no, girl. she just noticed that you’re post is kinda. basic. and then commented to straight things out. and you got all defensive and acted like she was attacking you while she was actually agreeing with you. you’re disintegrating and trying to act like you’re better than smarter than all the other people to cover up your mistake. been there, done that.

>And bitch i’m sorry but i’m not attacked at all because you don’t have any power over me, i’m literally chilling on my bed drinking a smoothie and you’re the only one who cares so much about my type but okay

oh I care! because I hoped you would actually type yourself correctly after this whole time. you know, I mentioned I followed you. it was a long time ago, but guess what! I actually liked you. past tense. don’t judge book by its cover, right?

now it’s just entertaining to make fun of you.

>And again, I have no inch of enneagram 6 on my body. Their outlook in life sickens me and it’s completely different to how I survive, if i was a 6 I wouldn’t even be alive lmao. You have absolutely no basis to type me as a 6 other than what you’re projecting into me

you have no inch of 6 in your body and yet u were mistyped as one? :0000 just like u have no inch of 9 in your body and you’re mistyped as one? gotcha.

and you keep. accusing others of projecting. like you’re doing it yourself.

“ew dont call me sweetie, we’re not there yet” okay. bitch. are we there yet? :))

>Also what community??? What the fuck is a community and especially online??? Shut up your soc”

do you think soc blinds are dumb? no, seriously. another prove you don’t understand theory at all. soc blind have poor understanding of social bonds and constructs or just simply don’t even acknowlegde them in the first place. they know what fucking community is. you know. the way a lot of soc blind people use to describe “””typology fandom”””.

also wow! I’m soc. yeah I have fucking soc in my stacking u fucking moron. what are u even trying to prove.

> Which by the way was: you can’t type someone’s enneagram based on outwardly behaviors alone but instead you have to think of the reasons why they do them

don’t worry, you’re not a special snowflake. if INFP 4 so/sp can be typed by one single post alone, you can be too.

>Also what community??? Again with your SOC bullshit???? Who is defending me??? Of what????? The way you all think is so freaking weird

are you serious. like. I know you think I’m dumb. but have some fucking respect for soc blinds. they’re not that fucking stupid as you try to portray them.

>Just because I don’t sound like those stupid infjs here using difficult words and concepts because they’re so smart uwu , doesn’t mean I’m not one

what. who said that. who fucking said that.

>Check how @mowoths expresses her thoughts vs the way I express mine. She’s an enfj, i’m not and you can clearly see how different we both are

she’s not 6. also she’s not dumb. important factor, ya know.

>You: valentina is a fe-dom Also you: valentina is not capable of having the most basic skills of a real fe-dom

yay! and I actually believed you know your shit since you were into it for so long.

>Like… Make a decision????

like u did with your typing that u kept constantly changing back?

>What???? The reason behind this is not inferior Ti. It’s simply because English is not my first language and I don’t know how to express myself correctly in a way that makes sense, especially not to natives or more advanced speakers. If all of you spoke Spanish, i promise I wouldn’t sound “disconnected from everything”. So stop being a bitch just because you understand this language better than I do

babie. sweetie. honey. bitch.

1) I’m not native English speaker neither,

2) you speak English just fine,

3) that’s not a fucking excuse because your English. is just fucking fine. probably better than mine.

>But have you seen my actual aes instead of the shit I reblog? Let’s be realistic: They suck. If you compare them to the aes of the actual high se users

>there are actual parameters that show wether someone’s a high se user or not and i don’t have any of those, not even one

umm what. I said your aes is tert Se. not high Se good.

wait, who was accused who of not being capable of reading again?

>I do have the presence of a gut core but you can’t fucking know that because you have never seen me in real life. And yes, i know people can see through you online but NOT in the way you’re doing it. This is not it. I do have everything a 9 core has but that could only be seen if you actually knew me

oh you have such poor self awareness but you know what type of presence you give off? also. it’s. a fucking. vibe. I don’t need to see you to feel your presence. every single gut core has it. every single one of them. I can fucking talk to person online and still figure out that they have gut core energy. sad you apparently can’t.

>And so-dom??? What the actual fuck???? I am EVERYTHING except that. I have never exhibited any behavior of that ???? I’m a so-blind, the end.

yeah sure. I totally believe you. soc blinds don’t know what community is. don’t realize when someone’s defending them even when they mention them in their own post to support their stand. that’s not like you also automatically assumed I’m friends with synthie just because I agree with her on this topic. like you know. soc would do.

>Okay, okay… I would maybe believe you if you told me I’m a SX/SO because that would make some sense and i typed as that before. Except that i don’t have ANY trait of a sp-blind. Then nope, i’m still a so-blind

okay, so sx/so would make sense because you typed as one before? then why the fuck ENFJ and 6 are completely out of options? you were mistyped as them too. also I love that you keep saying you cannot be this type because either just no or other factors. but don’t worry. most people are able to type people by, you know, observing their behaviour and talking to them. which I just did.

>Also, i’m the most SX-dom to ever exist???? If we could have only one IV, i would simply be SX

nah, you’re not. you have sx, it’s true, but it’s not dom.

>What a stupid argument adjfkrk. I haven’t ended this conversation because a) I’m right and b) who gives a single fuck about an internet discussion????? Do you know all of this literally doesn’t matter in real life????? Do you know i’ll just post this and go back to my amazing life as if it didn’t happen????

wow, so because it doesn’t matter you keep responding? addition: that’s why you blocked as all? also “amazing life”??? can you turn off your fucking 3 fix soc for one goddamn second.

no one taught you that the harder you try to appear as something you’re not, the worse it gets?

>In real life, i’m conflict avoidant and i don’t have to prove that to you

THIS IS REAL LIFE. YOU’RE TALKING TO A REAL PERSON. I’M TALKING TO YOU. A REAL PERSON. YOU FUCKING TYPED THIS ON YOUR KEYBOARD OR ON YOUR PHONE. WHATEVER. YOU SPEND YOUR APPARENTLY SUPER AMAZING IRL TIME TO INTERACT WITH ME IN THE SAME WAY YOU WOULD INTERACT WITH ACTUAL PEOPLE. seeing you in real life would change NOTHING, except I’d be able to see your body language. which honestly doesn’t matter when you’re so obvious to type.

9 would end this conversation a long time ago. An actual INFJ 9 told you that.

>finally the fact that I don’t understand english well enough (again, stop being so fucking condescending about this)

??????SDFfkhkfhjjkKDFKFGFJjkg?YUHRTO7O78??????????????????SDFKDFKDH??? WHERE BITCH. WHERE. you’re projecting. I didn’t say anything about your english skills in my post. nothing. but you’re insecure about it and you’re projecting your fear onto me, thinking I was mocking you for it. why can’t you see the shit you accuse others of doing?

>Also I love that you genuily think I’m an ENFJ 639 SO/SX… As if that wouldn’t be the type most known for their amazing social skills

once again. you don’t know theory. you don’t know what soc blidness actually looks like. you don’t know what Fe is like. you don’t know what any enneagram type is like.

also, sp-blind 6s are rare, but they exists. mostly nothing but a giant mess.

>Literally no one could ever get close to my level of optimism and hope in other people, the universe and life in general

>For 6s, when something goes wrong they literally think their whole life is over. While instead i ignore whatever is going wrong and get back up without thinking

psst. have u ever heard of 6w7? because I just found out your wing!

>I also trust people a lot. Of course I’m not a naive bitch who lets everyone in because I have SP. But what I mean is i don’t distrust everyone and think that they’re all against me and are going to betray me, as 6s usually do. I don’t test people to prove if i should trust them or not. All 6s do that and I think it’s pathetic

you don’t understand what 6s are.

also. everyone thinks 6s are pathethic. including 6s themselves.

>Finally, If I don’t trust myself it’s because of my mental illnesses and countless childhood trauma. Literally every type can distrust themselves. But fuck you for making me bring that up

no one fucking made you bring it up. fucking. no one. stop being so goddamn defensive. stop acting like a victim. stop projecting. stop trying so hard to act like someone you’re not. you could, you know, FUCKING YEET OUT OF THIS DISCUSSION LIKE A PROPER 9 WOULD DO

>If i ever use projection as a defense mechanism, it’s only due to my mental illnesses and what i have always been taught. This was literally the point of my post, every single type can be an emotional mess: as proven by me and my family

“ever”. ha. funny joke.

you realize just because your behaviour can be justified by external something, it doesn’t mean you can’t be a 6? like. for example, you can be a shut in because of your social phobia AND be a 5. one doesn’t exclude each other.

or like fucking me, be a 6 and have clinical anxiety that is actually not fucking related to your type.

>And i’m not acting defensive and attacked??? I’m literally chilling here… and unlike you, studying for my future and doing something productive with my life :) 

wow I’m so unbothered wow :) and chill :) like a conflict avoidant type I am :) like the person that keeps projecting shit :) that doesn’t know when to give up :) that keeps accusing people of attacking her :) that calls people bitches and then delete post because they’re a coward :) that blocks people because she can’t handle admitting she was wrong :) that feels a need to consantly repeat how unbothered she is because god she’s so unbothered :)

>No shit sherlock, there you go again schooling me about something I already know

wow you know this? weird. because u keep proving you don’t know basic stuff.

oh and louder for people in the back.

STOP BEING SO GODDAMN DEFENSIVE. STOP ACTING LIKE A VICTIM. STOP PROJECTING. STOP TRYING SO HARD TO ACT LIKE SOMEONE YOU’RE NOT. AND FOR SAKE OF THIS FUCKING WORLD TURN OFF YOUR 3 FIX SOC BECAUSE YOU’RE LITERALLY UNBEARABLE TO LISTEN TO.

[iamconstantine]

RWBY EPISODE 11: I MADE A COMMITMENT AND I’M SORRY FOR THE WAIT

* Okay right off the bat Blake yelling “Fight well!” while waving a little RWBY flag gave me an overdose of serotonin I thought this girl was going to be a broody loner heck no she’s not * I appreciate that the others are cheering Weiss on. They’re a team, even if they’re not besties yet * “Let the act of releasing a dangerous creature out in a classroom full of young children in a wildly inappropriate teaching method...BEGIN!” * “Wasn’t expecting THAT, were you?” It’s a pig. It’s just a pig. Did this guy not see these chicks taking down the giant raven or...? * The pig Grimm have names too, right? * I almost typed in “Heartless” before I remembered they were called Grimm * There seems to be some kind of “scaling” problem going on with the animation. I’m not sure how to describe it, but it kind of looks like Weiss and the pig (hog? warthog?) are overlayed on the classroom instead of being there. * I know there’s a “rule of drama” envoked here but come on Weiss. Babygirl. You can do better. * “NOW what will you do without your WEAPON?” I think this guy is one of those physical teachers that kind of wants a student to get hurt so they can make a point about something * I honestly don’t know who I’m siding with here. Like on the one hand Ruby really is just trying to be helpful and offer encouragement, but Weiss does need to focus * I keep forgetting how awesome the propelling move Weiss can do is * “I’m afraid that’s all the time we have for today” Boy what?  * Not gonna lie Jaune is looking pretty good in that uniform * Why isn’t Weiss in her uniform?? Wasn’t she in it last episode? * Okay Weiss is being a total snob here like this is typical “rich girl better than everyone else behavior” but I do see a liiiiiitle biiiiit of where she’s coming from. Just barely...but only in that it can be frustrating that the skipped-grades-to-be-here student with nothing but at-home training gets to be leader. That said, Ruby clearly proved her potential with the plan to kill the Grimm two episodes ago and Weiss is intentionally ignoring that so she can be snooty * Ruby has puppy dog eyes this ep and I don’t like it. * “That remains to be seen” Ozpin is a cold mistress straight iced the girl * I swear he said “Miss SHA-NEE” * For as annoyed I am at Weiss she clearly wants to be a good Huntress. She’s a rich girl who probably lived a life of luxury back home but she still wants to commit her life to fighting monsters to protect people * Can this professor kindly chill but also stay just as he is * “That’s preposterous!” STRAIGHT ICED THE GIRL * On the flipside Ozpin does have a point. Ruby clearly has a lot of skill, and her plan to defeat the Nevermore(?) was really good, but there’s really no way of knowing if she’ll be a good leader after just one day. This isn’t one of those “I BELIEVE in you more than ANYONE I’ve EVER met!” things, he has to be encouraging but honest * “Your exceptional level on the battlefield is only matched by your poor attitude.” ST RA IGHT  I CED T HE G  IRL * Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm both of them have pointssssssss ‘cause Ruby has very little experience but proved she’s pretty capable, while Weiss has much more experience but only takes what’s best. * See THIS is how I wish people would talk to the Snobby Rich Girl characters. Like it doesn’t matter if that other girl got what you wanted, or if you think you’re better, your attitude is abysmal and that alone is reason enough not to favor you. You got to settle for what you got and make the best of it otherwise you’re going to ruin everything else you’ve got going for you * For some reason I am not at all surprised that Weiss can just will coffee into existence * There you go, Weiss. Good attitude. * “I always wanted bunk beds as a kid” I don’t know why, but that line is so adorable to me. Weiss might be stuck up but she’s still a young girl. * But also Weiss where are you going get in your pajamas and go to bed it’s late you got school tomorrow. * Right when the episode started, I was worried that it would be a rehash of the conversation Ruby and Weiss already had. That they forgot their “We don’t like it each other but we have to cooperate” conversation and went right back to square one * Thankfully this episode made it a different matter. It’s one thing to be teammates, it’s another to be a leader and a teammate. Ruby technically has more authority over Weiss now and that’s way more to bite off than just working together. Clearly Weiss is very assured that she knows what she needs to do, and having someone else tell me how to do it would be aggravating. * I’ll say again that so far Weiss is being handled fairly well for the sympathetic but snotty character. The show acknowledges that she has a poor attitude and is self-entitled, but is also a hard worker who wants to be the best that she can be. Plus her plan is NOT to sabotage Ruby. She’s not THAT cold. (ba dum tish) * Why did it literally take me this long to realize Weiss is cold because she’s based off of Snow White. * As I said before my expectations were subverted with Ozpin’s talk with Ruby. Usually when there’s a character in her position (highly skilled despite not training for as long as other characters, given a special grant by a higher-up, given a level of leadership right at the start), once they start to doubt themselves, the wise leader talks about how much they BELIEVE in them because they’re ONE IN A MILLION and they’re AMAZING etc. The episode just straight-up says just because Ruby is leader, doesn’t automatically mean she’s a good one. * I imagine this isn’t the end of Ruby and Weiss’s feud but it’s nice to see them kind of getting along.

[subdivisi0ns]

tagged by the lovely @britneyshakespeare to answer these 10 questions & come up with 10 of my own. thank you !! 💗

psa i wrote way too much please don’t read this. just skip to the questions at the end if i tagged you

1. What are 3 songs that mean something to you, and what do they mean?

that’s hard because i don’t usually find personal meanings in songs. i’m a lot more interested in what the song means to the artist who wrote it. but let’s see if i can think of some

-um. after all by david bowie was always Highly Relatable. like. prattling on & on waxing philosophical only to suddenly realize everything i said is wrong and don’t hate me and also now i’m having an existential crisis and i shouldn’t have started talking in the first place? M e

-when i was first getting into rush i was a big fan of Self Isolating To Cope and also i had no friends and was proud of it (bc if i couldn’t find a way to take pride in my [perceivedly] unchangeable flaws my entire self image would come crashing to the ground and that just wasn’t a good time . anyway). so the lines “nothing can survive in a vacuum / no one can exist all alone” from turn the page pissed me off. but now! now i have loads of friends and i feel legitimately cared about and i feel like i can comfortably reciprocate that and now when i hear that song i think you know what neil? you’re goddamn right.

-uh i s’pose i relate to another brick in the wall pt 3 which is not a good thing but. i dunno i really love being angrily in denial of needing any help whatsoever along to this song. it’s my flaw-pride anthem (don’t worry i don’t take it literally. it’s just fun in the moment)

-shit i know this said three but the one person who i relate to EVERY FUCKING SONG he’s ever put out is bill wurtz. never have i felt so understood than when i listen to bill wurtz’s music. god it’s the most uncanny feeling, i really really understand it a lot

ok i have to stop thinking of more . turns out a lot have meaning to me ive spent like an hour on this question alone Moving On

2. What’s your ideal self like?

. this was The Worst question to ask me because i can and will ramble on for hours given the opportunity

well i’d be able to execute my ideas, for one. instead of just having a half-baked - quarter-baked - fleeting concept with no real idea of how to achieve it. more specifically i want to be able to write songs. more more specifically i want to be able to write the music aspect of songs. i can’t do it. i dont fuckin know why i just can’t. but if i could i think i just might be content with life.

but that doesn’t mean there aren’t still things to improve. i wish i was funnier. i like my weird brand of humor/abstractity online but that’s hard to replicate in real life. i wish i was better at thinking on the spot. i wish my memory didn’t only retain stuff when it feels like it. i wish i was better at putting my thoughts into words, more concisely and accurately and effectively.

um i wish i didnt have executive function issues. like i wanna just do stuff and not have it take all the energy out of me. wish i had the energy to do it to begin with. wish i could keep up with socializing and not ignore people for hours/days because i can’t get myself to maintain conversation.

ok clearly this is leading down an endless tunnel of what i’d change so . i’ll just say my ideal self is a successful musician with a good social life but also an element of mystery and intrigue. my ideal self is just david bowie

3. Who, of all your family members (immediate or extended), do you think has had the most influence on you, for better or for worse?

my mom for a lot (a looooooot) of reasons but if i go into it this is gonna push it over the line from a tag game into a therapy session (if i havent crossed that line already)

4. What’s your main outlet of expression?

writing. journalling. fuckin , social media. actually yeah that more than anything. my Self is on display here if you look at my tumblr(s) my twitter(s) and my instagram(s) you’ve got a pretty goddamn decent picture of who i am

5. What was the first album you ever bought for yourself?

uh i mean i listen to most stuff off of youtube if i don’t already have it so like,,? i dunno. does itunes count? the first vinyl i ever got was wish you were here (for forty fuckin bucks god) but i paid with my aunt’s money so does that even count. i don’t know.

6. Do you like to go shopping?

depends on a lot of things. lately i’ve been in the mood to just get out of the damn house whenever possible (love being a high school dropout !) so the answer is pretty much yes anytime. but it really depends.

7. Kind of cliche but, if you could have dinner with any person, living or dead, who would you pick?

i wanna be the fourth person at the dinner with rush table. just to observe. i’d be terrified to actually have a conversation with any of my idols. okay but if i had to get over that fear i guess i’d pick..... bowie? todd? i don’t know this is hard. alex lifeson circa 197something so he can take me back to his place afterwards you pickin up what im puttin down

8. What TV show do you watch when you’re feeling stressed or low and you need a quick feel-better fix?

i don’t watch tv like ever not even in this case but i guess full house

9. What was the last intriguing conversation you had about?

everything my girlfriend said to me today (edit: yesterday but i did this last night) was great everything my girlfriend’s ever said to me was great

oh that didn’t answer the question at all i just realized. uh they were telling me about the star wars prequels (which i have not seen) and earlier we were having a very analytical conversation about a particularly interesting rush photo

also me & @swanky-trash were discussing our plans to take down trump and all the rest of those bastards while wearing jareth from labyrinth costumes and eating mushrooms. because it’s our destiny as clones separated at birth. yknow just life stuff

10. What’s something about yourself that you don’t think comes across as painfully obvious online, but is, in fact, in person?

shit are we at the end already? damn. i was enjoying this (can you tell).

okay here’s another one i could go on for 12 years about. but uh. i probably come across as way more perky irl? like my voice is all high pitched and i talk really fast and smile and laugh at everything and i have a whatever the opposite of monotone is voice. i don’t like that. i try to combat it online with the all-lowercase typing and shortening of words and omission of punctuation and that sort of thing. i think it’s worked. also i may be terrible at typing but i am WAY worse at speaking. i’m scatterbrained as hell and if i seem at all interesting or witty online that all goes to shit irl. also i can’t fucking talk to people who i only know in person? it just doesn’t work. thank god i have you guys

haaaa okay sorry for the rambling here are the questions

1. what’s the best day/one of the best days you’ve ever had?

2. how important is your social media presence to you?

3. what achievement are you proudest of?

4. describe your sense of humor.

5. is there anything you’re good at or like to do that people who don’t know you well probably wouldn’t expect?

6. what’s your most interesting family story?

7. favorite color palette?

8. what’s something that would be very “out of character” for you to do?

9. yknow that thing on twitter that’s like “pick 1 & rt for good luck” and the options are good grades, meet your idol, money, or crush texts you? which one would/did you pick and why?

10. what’s a song you either wish you’d written or feel like you could’ve written?

i tag @thetemplesofrush @thumbnailoak3 @swanky-trash @lavender-layne @realalexlifeson @davies-jones @goallines-and-musicrhymes @fruitthemed @graveyarding @cosmikdebris99 and anyone else who wants to do it and dont feel pressured to do it etc etc god i hope none of you actually read this whole thing i am so sorry