#i may have an unhealthy obsession with void

[midnightwinterhawk]

#nogitstune girlbossing#and girlfailing but still (tags by @devinwolfi )

[peaches-cs]

Expresso(John Soap MacTavish x Reader)

Summary: Johnny will be the first to admit that after years in the military he has a few screws loose. Or it might’ve been because of the bullet wound he took to the head. Sure he knows what he’s doing isn’t healthy. Call it obsession and delusion if you will. But, now he’ll do anything just to spend another second in your company. You belongs to him, you just don’t know it yet.

Warnings: John Soap MacTavish x reader, 18 +, Dark mature themes, unhealthy relationships, gore, violence, eventual smut(may have Non-Con), Dub-Con, kidnapping, stalking, creepy behaviors, death, F.Reader, Café AU but dark and twisted

Part 1

It wasn’t until recently Johnny has discovered just how challenging readjusting to civilian life would be. Of course such a drastic change would be difficult for anyone. Especially since he wasn’t supposed to be discharged so early. It was unexpected. The man is antsy. He hates sitting still, as he’s been forced to do since he took a bullet to the head. Between neurology appointments and physical therapy he’s been bound to his apartment for months. There’s an itch in his skin, the need to have some kind of busy routine to get through the endless bland and boring days of spring. His mum even came to visit him, helped take care of him after he acutely lost his ability to walk properly and speak in clear sentences. Even his memory was affected for a while.

Eventually his doctor gave him the okay to try finding employment. He’s gotten most of his functions back up to par, but sometimes he gets nasty migraines that make him want to vomit. As soon as he returned home from that same appointment, he grabbed his lap top and plopped down on his couch to begin job hunting.

It sounds perfect. Something to fill that empty void in his life even though he gets enough money due to military benefits and disability to let him live without a job. Being a Sergeant paid comfortably too. So, money is not truly a problem. After an hour of lazily searching with a glass of whiskey in his hand through different positions of different opportunities, he doesn’t find any that sounds appealing.

Johnny groans and sets aside his lap top, stretching his arms above his head before standing up. He scratches his stomach while walking lazily to the fridge. After tugging open the door, he narrows his eyes and huffs in annoyance at the emptiness inside of it. Time to go shopping.

After pulling on jeans and a basic black Tee, he takes the elevator down to the lobby of his apartment complex and exits the building. Swinging his set of keys around his index finger, he strolls down the sidewalk. He slows after spotting a quaint little café up ahead. He always passes it on his way to the shop. Except this time the now hiring sign catches his eye. Now that he’s retired from the military permanently, the man’s got a hell of a lot of time on his hands. So, he opens the door and enters, looking around curiously.

He strolls into the homey little building and is instantly hit with the smell of chocolate mixed with coffee. It’s cozy and warm, with windows that look out into the city and green plants in pots seated by them. The lights glow a warm yellow and the walls are painted a medium dark brown. It’s not busy, as expected due to the time of day being late morning. The early rush has clearly dissipated.

What really captures his attention is the lass behind the counter, busying herself with cleaning the counters in the coffee making area. When she hears him come in due to the bell at the top of the door, she turns around and meets his gaze with a smile that has his skin slightly flushing. She’s a pretty thing dressed in a black apron. He keeps his eyes on her face. Hell, he deserves a medal for not looking…lower.

“Can I help you, sir?” She asks in a sweet voice, using one of those higher pitched customer service tones. He gives her a lopsided grin and nods his head. Oh she could help him in a lot of ways, he thinks as he finally gives in and lets his eyes briefly flicker over her figure. The way the apron is tied around her accentuates her waist, tits, and hips. Such a bonnie thing she is.

Call it rash or dumb, Johnnys never been good at planning ahead- or thinking with his brain rather than his dick. Especially when cute little lassies like her are involved. She seals his decision in an instant when she looks at him with her pretty eyes. He points his thumb in the direction of the help wanted sign on the window.

“Aye, I’m interested in applyin for a job”

——————

Today was a usual day. Nothing special, nothing grand, morning rush was awful as always, and then you have class later after work. You hum to yourself as you clean up any spilt coffee beans or creamer by the machines. Finally, you get some peace now that the busiest time of day has passed.

Sadie, the old lady who owns this café and lives in an upstairs apartment above the restaurant, has trusted you to run pretty much everything by yourself. Well, you and Aiden whose a coworker of yours that became your friend that’s off today. You’ve been working for Sadie since…well your beginning year of college. Now you’re a senior, about to finish the spring semester.

Since her daughters and sons moved away, Sadie’s been alone. When you waltzed into her café, nearly begging for a job she took you in a heartbeat. She’s like a grandmother to both you and Aiden. However, you can never be here all the time and neither can Aiden, so you told her that it would be best to get another employee on board to handle things. Thus, this has resulted in a little help wanted sign being placed in the window of the café.

What was supposed to be a normal shift takes a turn when a nearly six foot hulking man built with bulky muscle and adorning an overgrown Mohawk saunters into the café. You’re not blind, he’s clearly attractive in a boyish yet gruff way. Some scars on his chin are visible. He’s got tan skin and beautiful blue eyes. He seems older than you. While you’re twenty two, he looks to be somewhere between late twenties, possibly thirty.

“Can I help you, sir?” You ask as he approaches the counter and you set down the cleaning supplies you were using. He gives you a playful smirk, one that gets your heart fluttering a bit. You stand in front of the register and get prepared to take his order.

“Aye, I’m interested in applyin for a job, '' He replies, scottish accent strong in his voice. You yourself have an American accent since you grew up in the states before deciding to move here to the United Kingdom. His words shock you for a moment, your lips pat in surprise.

“Oh! Got it, let me go grab the application paper for you to fill out” You give him a grin, relieved that someone actually decided to show interest for the barista position. Anyone would literally do. You’ve been waiting for the day someone came to apply and finally you’d get some extra help around the cafe. “I’ll have you fill this out and then I’ll just have a small interview to conduct after I give it a read” You tell him while snatching an application form off of the wall that’s clipped to a clipboard. After getting a pen from your breast pocket, you hand it to him.

Your fingers brush his for a moment when you pass him the pen and application. Something slightly uneasy though stirs in your stomach when his hand lingers against yours a little too long. You gently pull away.

“Yev got it lass” He responds and tucks the clipboard underneath his arm, holding the pen in that same hand. With his free arm, he extends it to you. The pure muscle rippling from underneath his tight shirt that stretches across his broad chest is crazy. “The names Johnny by the way, pretty lil place yeh got here” He greets. You place your hand in his and he shakes it gently, making you feel the rough calluses and collection of scars on his skin. His gaze flickers from your face down to where your hands connect.

“Oh it’s all thanks to Sadie, she owns this place not me” You explain while letting go of his hand. Your elbows rest on the counter as you stare up at Johnny, leaning over the counter slightly.

“Where is she at?” He asks while glancing around the empty café, running a hand through his Mohawk as he does so.

“Sadie’s at a doctor's appointment, I fear she is getting older” You sigh softly and glance at the ceiling where you know her apartment is above. You’ve been up there countless times to help Sadie with little things such as errands and carrying groceries.

“Ah, makes sense. Will I need to win her approval to get hired? Does she take bribes?” He jokes with a goofy smile that makes you giggle softly and shake your head. Your shoulders relax a bit.

“The only one you need to impress is me….and yes I do take bribes” You smirk slightly before turning around to finish cleaning up some things, your back facing him as he chuckles at your comment. “Have you ever worked as a barista before?” You ask while placing a new garbage bag over one of the cans hidden under the counter. A man like him coming to work at a tiny little café? He is the least likely person you’d expect to be interested in a job at a cozy hole in the wall like this.

“Oi has the interview process already started? I haven’t even filled out the application” He has a playful whine in his tone. You place your hands on your hips as you turn to face him.

“I lied, It truly started the moment you walked in and asked to apply” You tease.

“Well…ah suppose I’ve never been a barista in meh life, nor have ah worked in a café” He says as he glances down at the application, twirling the pen in his opposite hand as he holds the clipboard in the other. He glances up at you, eyes finding yours as he grins with his perfect white teeth. “But, I’m a very quick and…efficient learner lassie” He says that last part lowly, tone dropping an octave before he turns around on his heel and sits himself down in one of the chairs near the window to get started on his application.

—————

He watches her like a hawk, vaguely aware that he’s being a bit creepy by staring at her unblinking as she reads his application. Yet she’s so distracted she doesn’t even notice. He likes her already. Fuck. He swears his pupils dilate when she runs her tongue over her bottom lip while she focuses on her task. Makes him wonder how good she’d be with her mouth wrapped around his cock. God. He needs to get laid. Sure on base he wasn’t prone to Messing around with barracks bunnies or nurses from the med ward. And yes there are dating apps and shite specifically designed for hookups, but he hates going on those sites. He hasn’t been clubbing in a long while too. Needless to say his interaction with women has been…zero within the last six months.

Johnny is snapped from his thoughts after she gently sets the clipboard down with another bright smile. The interview was short and sweet, the basic questions were asked and he answered them. Johnny knows people. He knows how to work them. How to appeal to them. It all came with learning how to efficiently go undercover for certain missions.

“Okay, your charms have wooed me. You’re hired Johnny” She says and crosses her arms over her chest. He wonders why she said yes, especially since he has no experience whatsoever being a barista. But, he has an inkling that it had something to do with when she read over a particular question that asked what he did before he wanted to work at the café. Johnny was truthful, putting that he was medically discharged from special forces.

He noticed the slight frown on her lips and the way those pretty eyes were glazed over with sympathy for him while she read it. Pretty and nice, a lovely combination. Johnnys always gone for her type. Clearly studious from the textbooks lying behind the counter, medical related ones. A university student for sure. She’s a hard worker and he admires that.

“Thanks bonnie, seriously, thank yeh” Johnny decided to play up the part. He wants more sympathy points from her. He likes seeing her worried about him, makes his heart flutter at the thought of having a pretty lil thing like her concerned about his well being. “Life’s been pretty…hard since I’ve been discharged, wanted this job to make some money and have somewhere to actually be…homes lonely” He shrugs, a ‘sad’ smile on his lips.

“It does sound rough…I’m sorry'' She says and gets up from the chair, placing a hand on his strong shoulder. From how close she is he can smell her perfume and it makes him want to bury his face in her neck to get a better whiff. “I hope things get better, if you need anything tell me” She offers with a kind grin. He wonders if she tastes as sweet as she acts. “You can start with me for tomorrow's morning shift for training, sound good?” She asks him.

“Sounds absolutely perfect bonnie” He replies and leans back in the chair, eyes focused on the way her ass moves while she walks away to the back of the counter to start closing. In one afternoon he’s somehow managed to find a nice little job…and some entertainment too.

——————

You’re surprised when Johnny stays with you until close, yapping away as you put things away and clear off tables to clean them up. The café closes at 4 PM every evening. You’ve tried your best to get rid of him. He literally refuses to go and you’ve run out of excuses to get Johnny to leave. He follows you around like a puppy. Hell, even when you’re outside locking up for the night he stays standing right beside you. With only spending four hours with Johnny, you’ve learned a lot about the man.

While overwhelming…it iis sort of nice. Besides, you remember what he said earlier about adjusting to civilian life again. You feel bad…he must be lonely. He served his country, the least you could do is provide some company for him.

“So you don’t have any family here in the city?” You ask, bag slung over your shoulder as you yank the key from the keyhole in the door. Johnny shakes his head no.

“Nah lass, they all live on the countryside-on the farm” He sighs while shoving his hands in the pockets of his jeans.

“No girlfriend? Boyfriend? Friends?” You try to pry further. If he has no one to go home to, that just makes you even more sad. Well, while you own your shitty little apartment not far from your university, at least you’ve got friends to fall back on for company.

“Nope” Johnny says with a shrug. “All my friends are deployed lassie, I’m all alone-. As for a girlfriend…I’m taking applications if yer interested bonnie” His lips curl into a smirk. Your heart does a little flip at the boyish grin he shoots your way.

“Haha very funny, now go home you’ve been here for hours!” You tell him and cross your arms over your chest. Admittedly, your social battery is a bit low at the moment, especially considering you’re going to have to study until bed tonight. That thought alone makes you irritable and exhausted already.

“And not walk yeh home? The city is a dangerous place!” Johnny exclaims, dramatically looking at the alley ways in the immediate area. Despite being socially tired, Johnny's playful demeanor does make you crack another smile.

“I’m perfectly capable of defending myself” You assure while showing him the pepper spray connected on a metal ring that holds your keys for work and home. Johnny blinks at the sight of the tiny defense weapon before scoffing, raising a single brow at you.

“Hate to break it to you sweetheart, but Someone could easily snatch yeh off the street- that wee thing of pepper spray won’t do much, common I’m walkin yah” He finalizes and shoots down any argument you’ve begun preparing in your head. A frown forms on your lips and with a sigh, you begin walking in the direction of your apartment. As you brush past him, you’re acutely aware of the hand he hovers over your lower back.

The situation is weird. Johnnys nice and he hasn’t given you any reason to be wary of him…but maybe he’s being too nice. It begins to process in your head as the two of you walk down the street that you’ve only just met four hours ago and now he’s walking you to your apartment. He stayed with you an extra FOUR hours until close, just sitting there watching you and making conversation. Is that not a little strange or are you overthinking things?

Eventually you arrive at your apartment. Those little red flags are shoved to the back of your mind. He’s just being nice probably.

“Well…thanks, see you tomorrow morning Johnny” You smile and readjust your bag over your shoulder. Johnny looks elated at the moment. You wonder why, but don’t question it.

“Night lass” He gives you a wave as you start to enter the apartment complex you live in. Little do you know as you make your way up the stairs, he’s watching the windows to try to see what floor of the building you live on.

[mothwingwritings]

Dreaming Of World's End

Reader X Zenos Yae Galvus

Waaah it has been so long!!! I apologize for the absence! I have been working on and doing all kinds of stuff (fics included) as of late so I did one of my classic dip outs there for a moment, but I’m here! Just plunking away as usual. :)

With Dawntrail coming up I have been focusing a big chunk of my free time on trying to beat Endwalker (I am slow in all things, video games included lul) because I wanna be there with the herd with Dawntrail comes out!!! I have no idea if I am gonna make it, but I am doing the best I can to catch up!!!

That being said: Zenos brainrot propelled this fic from my brain, to my computer, to you. Was I and am I also writing a bunch of other things? Yes. Is this the only thing I could momentarily focus on writing-wise because I have been compromised by my love for this fucked up man? Also yes. I’m sorry. It’s bad. I was already obsessed with him in Stormblood and now that I am deep within the clutches of the Endwalker msq… It’s over for me guys. It was a good run, but rip to me. My WOL may be playing hard to get, but I’m sure not. Zenos if you are reading this, you can just have me.

So without further ado, here is a Zenos fic I have been working on! My love for him aside, I think Zenos is a super fun character to write for, so I really hope I did him some justice! This is a reader insert fic, but you are the Warrior of Light in it so feel free to insert your OC’s and WOL if you like! I tried to keep the reader neutral, but I will say it’s def aimed more at a female reader/character and if you are a shorter race like a Lala it will probs be a little wonky, so my apologies. Also, I am about half way? A little over half way? through the Endwalker main story, so potential spoilers up to that point. This fic takes place sometime between post Shadowbringers and the first part of Endwalker.

Nothing overly explicit, but due to the nature of this fic it is 18+ please!

Thank you so much for reading!!! <3 I truly hope you enjoyed!

WARNINGS: Unhealthy relationship (if you can even call it a relationship), intense infatuation, implied noncon, noncon mentions,  a lot of fighting and mentions of fighting, mentions of death and the end of the world, unwanted touching, Endwalker spoilers.

It was always the same dream.

Amaurot. The end times. Death, destruction, chaos. Streets tainted by endless misery, stifling woe permeating the air as people ran about frantically, picked off left and right by horrendous, nightmarish monsters. Screams pierced the air as the remaining survivors struggled in vain, desperate to escape a fate that they could not avoid.

Just as any other night, he would watch it all unfold with cold indifference. Walking through the crumbling, fire charred lanes of this shell of a once bustling city, he would take it all in at a leisurely pace, maintaining a stride no more rushed than if he were taking a pleasant stroll. His features would be void of distress or malaise, his face a blank slate as he paraded down roads lined with bodies and devastation.

Zenos could say it was because he had grown accustomed to it, have the same dream each night and the grisly scenario that laid in wait past your closed eyes was bound to no longer shock you. But that would be a lie, as this ghastly nightmare had never truthfully bothered him to begin with. He simply didn’t care, not about the dying planet, nor its inhabitants that suffered the same fate. This scene from another time, this moment from a faraway place that no longer existed, he couldn’t bring himself to feel any form of remorse for the phantoms left to wallow helplessly in this endless, hellish loop, even if his own star was on track to share the same fate.

An echo of the past was just that, to dwell on it was a fool’s errand.

But tonight, it was not the end of times that greeted him when he closed his eyes. In its place stood an immaculate hall appearing to belong to some manner of grandiose castle. Pristine and orderly, he sat upon a large throne questionably positioned in the middle of the walkway, facing so that a vast expanse of the hall was clearly within his view.

Had he been here before? It was hard to say, having been trapped by palace walls most of his life they all blurred together after a certain point. Perhaps this wasn’t even a castle, but some manner of fortress. The varying weapons displayed neatly along the surrounding walls certainly made it feel as if this was more than just a mere abode for royalty to live out their boringly opulent lives, perhaps it doubled as an armory of sorts? Every sword, spear, and battle axe looked immaculately cared for; their blades so sharp simply looking at them made you feel as if you had been sliced.

His time to dwell upon the mystery of his surroundings was quick to dissipate however, as he felt a familiar presence approach him from behind. He remained still when a delicate hand was placed upon him, crawling from his arm to slide unhurriedly across his broad shoulders. The caress occupied the entirety of his thoughts, manicured nails scratching lightly against his flesh as they raked across his back, pressing just hard enough that they left a pleasant burn in their wake.

“There you are,” a deceptively alluring voice purred in his ear. Phantom arms draped themselves loosely over his shoulders, their fingers moving to trace a swirling pattern upon his chest. Goosebumps littered his arms at the brief contact. “Were you hiding from me?”

A small smile spread across his lips. What elation merely hearing your voice caused.

Were he not already aware of it, he would recognize he was in a dream from this interaction alone. You, only you, would be welcomed to touch him this way. But even were he to offer invitation, you would never do so of your own free will. There was a mixture of pride and revulsion that kept your interactions with him void of skinship, save for the fleeting contact that occurred when you were locked in combat.

His motivations, the way he chose to experience the world, your differing values and opinions. Like night and day, they barred you from reciprocating his feelings towards you. Because of this, he was left to revel in your touch exclusively in the realm of dreams.

“On the contrary,” he hummed, “you have been the one to keep me waiting.”

A low chuckle reverberated from your chest, sending a shiver down his spine. You rose to your full height, pulling away slowly until you disconnected from him completely. Even if the contact was nothing more than an attempt at provocation, he missed your touch the moment you detached yourself.

“Well then I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me, my lord,” you enunciated his title tauntingly, the playful lilt in your voice exciting him further. He heard you take several languid steps away from him before you spoke once more. “That is, if you even have a heart that can offer forgiveness.”

Zenos rose to his feet, turning to finally face you. Your back greeted him as you stared up at the myriad of weaponry covering the back wall, the hand that was moments ago atop his chest now gracefully running across the hilt of a long sword. Your fingers lingered on the handle, moving as if you were going to grip it, but never completing the task.

Zenos smiled. You were toying with him.

“You jest,” he spoke, taking a measured step your way, “if anyone has intimate knowledge of the existence of my heart and whom it beats for, it is you.”

Your posture stiffened in acknowledgment of the insinuation, yet you refused to turn his way.

“Is that so,” your voice seemed distant, as if you were unwilling to accept the burden of the intense desire he held for you, “Forgive me, I must have misread the situation. Due to the nature of how our meetings always end, I figured you only ever wanted one thing from me, and that is my blood.”

A low chuckle rumbled from within him, his eyes crinkling in amusement. For all that you were, all the skills and knowledge that you held, you could certainly be dense.

“I desire all you have to offer,” he answered plainly, “Your fury and malice, your rage and rancor, your disdain and desire,” he continued to approach you, each step slow and deliberate as he closed in on your staunch form. “Your love and affection are no different. I want to consume your every thought, just as you consume mine. I want you to taste me in the air you breathe and feel me crawling under your skin, even when I am far removed from your presence.”

He stopped several steps away from you, keeping his distance but lingering close enough that it bordered on intrusive. He raised his hand calmly, reaching out to grab a stray lock of your hair between his fingers. He gingerly caressed the silky strands, smirking when he noted that even such slight contact caused a shudder to lurch your otherwise statuesque form.

“You can play the fool all you want, but you cannot hide the fact that the same beast that dwells in me is also within you. They call out, craving each other to the point of madness.  We need each other. This dance we share must continue in perpetuity, lest our fierce yearning for each other’s presence turn us to savages incapable of rational thought, driven to the point of committing mass, undiscriminating destruction as a means to appease ourselves.”

He smirked, placing a gentle kiss atop the tendrils in his hand, before letting it slip from his grasp completely. “And you would do anything to divert that misfortune, would you not hero?”

Your shoulders began to quiver, shaken by the threat of violence he could and would commit simply to be by your side.  An impatient sigh escaped his lips, “So come, what better way is there to quench each other’s thirst and prevent calamity than through a mutually beneficial rendezvous? Surely even someone as set in their way as you are is in agreeance.”

“I was under the assumption that you planned on battling me until the world was torn asunder, regardless of if I entertain your perversions or not,” Your voice dripped with disdain as you spat your response at him, “If that is the case, pray tell why I should not cut you down where you stand? Why must the dance continue if the outcome is all the same?”

Your words made the smile on his face grow, stretching his lips to an unnatural degree. Taking another step forward, he leaned in until his mouth grazing the shell of your ear. Placing his hands firmly atop your shoulders, he gave a tight squeeze as he responded.

“Because we share one destiny,” he pressed his cheek flush against your head, inhaling deeply before releasing it in a slow, shaky sigh, “even now as you try so hard to deny me, our fate is intertwined, my warrior. You cannot escape me, and I have no desire to escape you. The dismantling of this world as a result of our conquest is all but inevitable and I welcome it with open arms.”

“I won’t let the world crumble to ash.” Your bold declaration was spoken as if it were fact, the conviction in your voice sending a surge of wanton excitement coursing through his veins. “Say and do as you like, the future you seek will never come to pass.”

Oh, how he adored you.

“Hmm,” he hummed, “You can try and stop me, but you cannot escape what has been predestined.”

During the course of the conversation, your hand had had traveled to the base of an axe, your fingers wrapping around it to grasp the handle in a constricting hold. All of the anger that had been bubbling up reflected in the whites of your knuckles, the tremor of your hand becoming more apparent as your composure slipped further and further. The cool demeanor you initially donned had completely shifted, overridden by the immense agitation his presence was inviting.

The axe was ripped swiftly from the wall, lacking fluidity. There was no care for keeping the wall in tact or making sure all the other weapons that surrounded it stayed in their spot. You ripped it down with one great tug, bits of stone and surrounding armaments clattering noisily into a massive steel heap on the ground as you finally spun around to face him. Zenos had seconds to react as you swung down in a wide arc, the finely sharpened blade slicing easily through the decorative tiling that coated the floor, decimating the ground where he once stood.

“There we are,” Zenos growled in anticipation, sizing you up with a bloodthirsty grin, “you are a vision to behold when you let your ferocity consume you.”

You deigned to answer him, your icy countenance his only response as you straightened your posture, considering your next move.  Your distaste for him was clear as you hefted your axe from the ground, dust settling around you as it was freed with a mighty yank. Weapon in hand, you came for him in a relentless torrent, striking at him in a flurry of breakneck swings. In the ensuing madness, he grabbed the nearest weapon he could reach-a sword that was more ornate that functional, but it would serve its purpose for the time being.

The enmity increased as he reciprocated your attacks. Parrying each blow with a steady hand, he responded to your blows with calculated strikes of his own, expertly countering your aggression. The air around the two of you had become electric, charged with hostility and fervor as you hacked away at each other time and time again.

Though frantic, the assault was far from inelegant. Each swing of your axe and swipe of his blade was an orchestrated maneuver befitting the couple who performed them. It was as beautiful as it was fierce, a true force of nature. To an untrained eye the activity would appear as nothing more than a blur of chaos, annihilating all that was in its wake. But to Zenos, a man who had dedicated himself to your study, it was a sight that made his heart ache.

He was witnessing a glorious preamble, a promise forged in battle between himself and his righteous and powerful hero, the only person with whom he ever felt a true connection. This battle, amongst all of its other perks, gave him purpose.

Fighting you, he felt alive. To be the sole receiver of all your ire, your discontent, your undivided attention… it was like a dream. He realized this encounter was most likely just that, a conjuring of your presence from his sleep addled mind, a side effect of his constant ruminations of you. You already occupied each of his waking thoughts, it only made sense that having you visit in his dreams would soon follow.

Be that as it may, the knowledge that this moment lived solely in his mind did little to dissuade his desire to get lost in it, to get lost in you.  If he couldn’t have you in the waking world, his dreams would have to suffice, at least for the time being. Besides, there were things he could accomplish in his dreams that would never be plausible elsewhere, moments of intimacy he could forge that would never present a chance of happening in reality.

A particularly rough blow sent Zenos reeling. The sword knocked from his hand scattered just out of reach, his body lurching to an abrupt stop as he collided with rubble that had piled up behind him. A quick glance your way revealed a small smirk ghosting your lips, a hint of satisfaction shining through your hostility. He could see the assurance reflected in your eyes, a swell of pride over the victory you would soon be relishing.

Zenos mirrored your glee, pleased you were having as much fun as he was.

As you hoisted your axe high, thoroughly preoccupied with your pending achievement, Zenos took the moment to strike. Launching himself from the ground, he rammed his body against yours, hitting you hard and fast. The speed at which he closed the gap astounded you as much as the collision had, causing the axe to topple from your hands, skittering out of your reach. A pained grunt escaped your lips as you collided with the ground, Zenos following suit atop you. His hand cradled the back of your head as you fell, catching hold before it could crack against the stony floor. It would do no good to have you suffer injury and pass out now, not as things were about to get truly interesting.

Positioning himself atop your fallen form, his body caged you in as you lay beneath him, panting and exhausted. Splayed amongst the rubble, your confusion morphed into a look of annoyance as you realized your situation had drastically changed. Your success had been stolen from you and now the thief had you cornered, trapped right where he wanted.

“I wish you could see yourself as I see you in this moment,” Zenos spoke between his own labored breaths, pressing into you ever further as his face hovered inches from your own, “Disheveled and feral, transformed by your bloodlust, you have never been more breathtaking.”

“I’m not like you,” you retorted sharply, “I don’t revel in such acts of savagery.”

Zenos chuckled, “And yet you seemed quite delighted moments ago when you were convinced victory was within your grasp.” You frowned as his hand found purchase on your chin, gripping it in a tight pinch to keep your focus fixed his way, “But here you are now, bested and at my mercy.”

You grimaced, “I have yet to lose to you. I refuse to concede defeat.”

In response to your bold declaration, he gave a throaty, booming laugh. How was it that you always knew just what to say to drive him absolutely mad with desire?

Unable to contain himself any longer, Zenos smashed his lips to yours, capturing you in a heated and hungry kiss. Your brain took a moment to comprehend the abrupt action, but as it did you began to struggle against it, thrashing and clawing at him in an effort to create distance.  Zenos remained firm, making it clear that you had expended far more energy than he had, leaving your assault lacking the power needed to stop him. Whines of displeasure snaked from your mouth as his grip tightened on your chin, squeezing so roughly you couldn’t help but gasp in pain. Eagerly seizing the opportunity, he muscled his tongue inside of you, lapping at the inside of your mouth aggressively. He groaned as he savored the taste of you.

When a need for air arose, he pulled back slightly, staring down at you with lidded eyes. Your saliva coated his lips, giving a glossy sheen as they curled into an offputtingly tranquil smile. His hand moved from your chin to drag languidly across your cheek, the brief touch of his rough finger tips sending a shiver down your spine. Your gaze wavered the longer you stayed trapped in this awkward position, your eyes brimming with uncertainty. You seemed unsure of where to look, what to do, how to escape. In his wishful thinking, Zenos wondered if perhaps you were even unsure if you truly wanted to escape.

Amongst your numerous charms, Zenos found your enigmatic personality to be one of your most appealing. Being such a virtuous being, your motivations, ambition, and drive were all easy enough to sort out. You are Hydaelyn’s chosen, the Warrior of Light, the people’s champion, and you live up to those titles and more. You are a hero through and through, a source of salvation for those you protect and a complete nightmare for those that offer opposition. There is no doubt that you are a force to be reckoned with, no matter what the encounter or situation may be.

And what good hero is without a nemesis? It’s a role the disgraced Prince and betrayer of his kin plays well. In his illustrious life he had gone through the motions, donned many hats, played countless roles, many of which were not of his choosing. But of all his grand titles, your adversary is most certainly his favorite, the only one that gives him any sense of pride. Your existence gave him purpose, and for you alone he kept up the hunt.

But he knew it was different for you. Though cut of the same cloth and driven by destiny to engage him, your feelings did not completely align with his own. You were driven by more than barbarity, more than a duty to save your people and your planet. There was something inside of you, something that made you YOU, that he could never truly know, no matter how desperately he wanted to.

You were his greatest conundrum, a true mystery, and when you look at him as you were now with those eyes that swirled with anger, uncertainty, grief, and something yet unspoken… What was he to do but become a slave to this maddening, consuming attraction?

He gloated about being the victor, but it was clear you would always have the upper hand.

“Get off of me.”

The demand brought him back to the present, sheer determination replacing the conflicting emotions that fought for dominance within you. He could tell by the bite in your voice that your vigor was returning, and given a bit more time and provocation, the battle would gloriously resume.

“Eagar to carry on with our dance, are you?” He responded, an almost teasing lilt to his voice, “Or is it that you just can’t stand the thought of defeat at my hands?

“I already told you, you didn’t defeat me,” you glowered, your rage becoming palpable the longer his unwanted presence loomed, “I came here to end this farce and I plan to do just that.”

A beat of silence passed, followed by a sigh. Parting your lips to speak, your voice came out quieter, more desperate than it had previously.

“I wanted to keep this is civil as possible and respect your wishes as best I could, no matter how twisted they may be. But even for your own benefit, you refuse to entertain the notion of making this situation even the slightest bit amicable. You speak of such lofty things as fate and destiny, but all I am witnessing is you causing unnecessary suffering, hiding behind my name to do so.”

For a split second, another flash of uncertainty danced across your features. You bit your bottom lip in vexation, a glimmer lighting your eyes as they swept across his handsome face, “There is more to this world, more to this life, than waiting for its untimely end. To live out your days perpetuating death and blind havoc is no way to exist, it’s a tragedy. Why can’t you see that? Zenos, I-“

As if taken by surprise, you cut your own words short, silencing the previous thought that had been brewing. Zenos felt as if you looked pained, staring at him with pleading eyes, face scrunched up in frustration. Even with all the hate you carried for him, you were still trying to understand him, still clinging to the hope that maybe you could save him too.

Here, on the cusp of annihilation, you were doing all you could to fulfill the role of hero and protect the people that you loved. In order to fulfill that duty, it meant he must be defeated. There could be no other ending, the inexorable conclusion to all of this was always cold and endless death. Whether it would be all of humanities or just his own was still to be determined, but it did little to change the fact that there was no future to plan for, only a violently rapturous and melancholic end.

To be cherished by you, to feel your love as if he were one of your dearest companions… It was a thought not meant to be dwelled on, but one he found hard to completely shake from his head. How would it feel to be earnestly and unequivocally loved by you? Perhaps in another world, another time, your souls would be reborn and given another chance. A fresh beginning to grow together, an opportunity to nurture something more than the misfortune this world had thrust upon you. Maybe in some alternate telling of this tale the two of you were together and happy, with nothing but a bright future awaiting you on the horizon.

But that was simply a foolish daydream. All that he had, all he could hope for, was the here and now.

You sighed again, steeling your resolve with a shake of your head, “Never mind. You have already proven to me mere words cannot move you, so I will save my breath.”

Raising your torso as much as his hold on you would allow, your eyes bore into his, fully accepting the challenge that lay ahead. Though still restrained, there was an aura of dominance that surrounded you. It was a warning to Zenos that your binds were temporary, whether he released you willingly or otherwise was his decision, but regardless the outcome would be the same.

“If it’s the end you want, it’s the end I will bring you,” your soft words clashed with the look of malice reflected in your eyes, your breath fanning his face as your noses nearly touched. For an instant your eyes darted to his lips, and Zenos wondered if it would be you to instigate the kiss this time.

“I will fulfill my role. I will be your end and your salvation.”

Your words pierced him, the proclamation sending sparks of excitement to course through him, igniting his soul. His whole body burned for you, intense and consuming, his need for you was beginning to show itself in ways beyond his control. Pressing his hips flush between your spread legs, he made his intentions known to you, a shiver wracking his body when you released a small gasp of surprise.

Clutching the remaining shreds of his sanity, he grunted as you writhed against his growing arousal, pulling your body up towards him until he had engulfed you in a tight embrace.

“Enough time has been wasted,” he snarled into your neck, his chest rumbling as his grip on you tightened, “let us deliver a ruin unto ourselves so extraordinary, so beautiful, that naught will remain but the scattered fragments of this forsaken world.”

Loosening his grip, he pressed his lips to your forehead in a chaste, yet gentle, kiss. Your brow furrowed at his touch, shoulders tensing as you drew yourself back from him, recoiling at the small display of adoration. He found the reaction endearing, even with his intentions laid bare and and his hardened cock pressed firmly against your core, it was the smallest token of his affection that caused you to squirm.

Repugnance, hatred, scorn- whatever you felt for him in this moment, none of it mattered, none of it deterred him. He loved you, and he would make that love known in the only way he knew how, while he still had time to do so.

“This shall be my final gift to you,” he purred into your ear, his grip latching securely to your tunic. With nimble hands he started to pull, exposing yourself to him bit by bit as the fabric turned to tatters in his hands.  “Let us relish it my friend, my warrior, my beloved. Destroy me, and I shall be your devastation in kind. ”

[the-grand-gemini]

Big obsessed with all of the BG3 villains. The themes of the cycle of abuse/trauma in all of the main cast makes me feral over how the villains unfortunately do not/did not get the opportunity to be "saved" by Tav (if doing a good playthrough) and by experiencing the heros journey.

I could talk about Ketheric and Orin, but after reading @bearhugsandshrugs fic it got me deep diving into Gortash's character. It's amazing and everyone should read it especially if you're weak for Tav/Gortash like I am 👀💦

Trigger warning for abuse mentions below the cut.

Let me start with stating this is NOT an Enver Gortash apologist post, he's evil and he's done terrible things. This is just me yelling into the void about character foils.

Childhood abuse:

In game we really only get to know his history through background information that we can scrape together if you search through the city and the House of Hope.

We don't get any details on what exactly Enver went through as a child. We can assume neglect/possible violence from his parents given his mother's words and the fact they sold him. We get to know that he was beaten when living in the House of Hope, but not what other possible horrors he could have experienced there (not including just the trauma of witnessing the other debtors and Hope), what age he was, or for how long (if anyone knows more timeline wise I'd love to know) he lived there before he escaped. We don't know how he escaped either, if he had help or did so on his own.

I'm no child psychologist, but abuse has lasting effects as we can see through all of the main party. Victims of abuse tend to have difficulty moving past certain emotional stages in their life. Aka a person abused in their childhood may have issues maturing emotionally without therapy, etc (again I'm not a psychologist). There is a strong possibility that "Child" Enver is still probably holding the reins emotionally while adult Enver isn't even aware of how his past affects every action and reaction he has at all times.

I can't imagine how living with Raphael during ones formative years being healthy in anyway, but we can definitely see some of the learned behaviours he's picked up from the Cambion. A focus on possing/presentation, a suave persona, torturing/using people for his own gain, a general lack of empathy, deal making, similar attire with devil motifs...

Unhealthy coping mechanisms:

Speaking of attire, Enver's coat not allowing Fear to be cast on him speaks volumes to me. Imagine the absolute horror of moving from one situation of abuse to another much worse one in the hells as a child/teen and probably being in a state of fear/anxiety at all times. Enver wearing a coat that doesn't allow him to feel fear gives me three main thoughts:

1. He is doing everything in his power to avoid that specific emotion and therefore prevents himself from thinking about that period of his life. Meaning he is not confronting his trauma the same way the main party is forced to throughout the game.

2. Narratively does the coat prevent him from feeling any fear at all? Or do we just go with the game mechanic that ensures he cannot be made afraid by the fear spell? If it prevents him from feeling fear at all (which I think is narratively more interesting and you can take this headcanon out of my cold dead hands) how does this effect his every day decisions? Fear prevents risky decisions all the time, it's one of the emotions that actively keeps people alive. Psychopaths usually don't experience fear the same way an average person would. Given his many horrific actions (the Iron Throne being a key example) I wonder how much his forceful removal of fear has done to his perception of rational thought. If you aren't afraid of consequences what's to stop you from doing anything at all? Selling a loyal body guard to the hells, torturing an entire faction of people in order to manufacturer your own personal army, stealing from an immensely powerful devil aka mother fucking MEPHISTOPHELES??? He presents himself as calm and collected in conversation. He appears as if he's the most rational of all three villains when he's really just as awful when we look into what he's actually been up to vs seeing Orin and Ketheric kill people on screen.

3. Where did he get the coat? Did he make it himself or was it a boon from Bane? A promise to a devout worshiper that he would never be made to feel afraid or beneath anyone again?

Another abuser - Bane:

Speaking of Bane... Another user (please tag if anyone can find the original post!) mentioned a line Astarion says where he states that he prayed to all the gods, but none answered. OP wondered if Enver, trapped in the hells and desperate for salvation, called out the same way... only for Bane to be the only god to answer. I'd die to know specifically when he was introduced to Bane and made to be his chosen.

We know Bane is considered an evil god and we even find that if we kill Enver and then use speak with dead that Bane is torturing him in the afterlife for failing him.

Given this abusive relationship is Enver a foil for Gale, a man groomed from a young age by a goddess and left with the consequences when his actions did not meet her expectations?

Is he like Shadowheart, someone who was given no alternative and made to believe they willingly chose their god only to learn they were deceived and never had any other options?

Like Wyll he's cast out by his father (or in his case both parents).

Like Lae'zel he's worshipping a deity with false promises, how can he believe he'll rule the entire world like a god himself when Bane the god of TYRANNY would see no other at the top but himself (Was he secretly planning to use the crown like Gale to usurp Bane or just pandering to us)?

We know he and Karlach are absolutely foils for each other given that he is her abuser and like himself Karlach was forged by her times in the hells only to survive on her own merits.

Those are my thoughts! Would love to know anyone else's on the walking red flag that is Lord Enver Gortash.

If Enver lost his memories like the Dark Urge would he be given a chance to redeem himself through his actions? Could he with his knowledge of infernal engines fix Karlach's heart

Would Enver have ever become Lord Gortash if not for Bane...?

Anyways if anyone wants to yell at me about Enver, Orin, or Ketheric please feel free to do so! I love characters who fell through the cracks because they had no one there to help them only to crawl out themselves and burn the world.

[sexydreamgirl]

I’ve been on your blog for awhile and noticed the decent into hostility towards the void method. May I ask what caused this? I remember asking for advice on it about a year ago and you didn’t have any ill will (that I noticed) when giving it. I don’t understand why it’s such a bad thing in your mind now

I made a whole call out post about it and it's been a "bad thing" in my mind ever since it took over the community.

I have literally had people threaten suicide in my inbox/DMs because they cannot "go to the void" and it's why I strongly disapprove of the countless number of people who enable this obsession by literally creating blogs and myriads of posts dedicated to collecting void success stories and providing all these tips and tricks to stay still during meditation and to induce sleep paralysis and whatnot. If you guys really understood the law of assumption, you would not be so attached to the I AM state. Yet, I'm always receiving questions and DMs from someone spiraling because they fell asleep before they got a change to affirm or because they didn't do whatever else is trending in the ""void community"" [.......] correctly. So yeah, I do have a huge issue with people obsessing over the I AM state [especially when it's literally so easy to do] and giving into this obsession by making post after post because of the countless number of people whose mental health and lives have severely deteriorated due to that hyperfixation. This already goes way past something like finding it overrated or an annoying topic to discuss. It's damaging and it's unhealthy to be this attached to the I AM state.

I'd also like to quote Aphrodite:

the void obsession is anti-neville, anti-law, anti-mental health, anti-well being, anti-manifesting, anti-everything. i hate it. it’s all coming from the lack of understanding of the very fundamental foundation of the law. creation is finished. nothing and no one to change but SELF.

i also want to add that the void obsession is coming from a “once i get my desire in the 3d, I’ll finally be happy and fulfilled” mindset which is the WORST mindset one could have in this journey. “once i get my desire in the 3d, I’ll finally be happy and fulfilled” ❌ “once i fulfill my desire in imagination ONLY, I’ll be happy and fulfilled regardless of the 3d"✅

[tmwcs]

I am so conflicted rn. I don’t condone to noncon but your fics that have the noncon theme are so addicting and it’s making me want it. Imaof. I can never tell any of my friends about what I read here.

Listen, I won’t be the first (or the last) person to admit that the thought of a dashingly handsome man, who is so insanely in love with me and is willing to crave me in the worst kind of way, is a guilty pleasure. Not at all promoting rape or saying it is okay, because it absolutely is not. I’m delusional but also a realist with solid limitations to any dark fantasy. if you kind of read between the lines of my work, it’s mostly dub con bc even though it has the non con vibes, i feel like my darling leads truly love being the object of their male leads obsession. And I am NOT justifying my work or my male leads lol, but they have their own moral code behind it. They do it out of love and passion for the darlings bc they want to taste and experience their flesh inside and out. That’s the whole meaning behind their toxic obsession with the readers. It’s unhealthy, fucked up, not at all okay, but it is a dark fantasy that I think a lot of people crave for, whether they willingly admit it or not. Like…if your favorite idol or celebrity comes up and preys on you while saying “I love you” constantly, and go through extreme measures to keep you safe and protected, and live for your happiness, are you really going to hate that more than you love it? (Let’s be honest now)

Despite the heavy negatives that go with being loved in that manner, I personally be like “take me I’m yours” bc being loved and taken care of in that extreme, is so much more desirable than not being loved in true value, or not being loved at all. Despite my young age and zero experience with relationships and sex, I get this feeling that I may be alone/single forever because I’m too independent and socially awkward in person, and that’s probably why I fantasize and create these stories. It’s to kind of fill an empty void in my life lol. I’m sure if I was living a normal life, meeting new people every day, and actually dating or experiencing some type of love, I probably wouldn’t be as creative and delusional with it as I am now.

[andy-wm]

Interesting question...what happens when/if Jikook finally reveal themselves as a couple/married? What will those obsessed people do? (The ones who are obsessed with proving they are a couple although they don't give a damn about them?) Are they capable of moving on to something else? Because then the mystery is gone and their reason for trying so damn hard to prove Jikook is a couple is gone - then what? What do people with that kind of mindset do after?

Don't you ever wonder?

Just to be clear, are you asking if i think about the obsessed jikookers who seem to be in it for their own gratification?

Short answer:

No, i dont really think about them.

I have had a few encounters with people who seem to think about nothing else. Although I try to avoid the sassaeng-level obsessed people, truthfully i can also be a little single minded... I'm ND and have trouble with moderation.

(I spent an inordinate amount of time during covid, watching grainy fancams from 2015, to fill a void in my life and a gap in my understanding of how their relationship developed)

But i know that being wholy consumed by any one thing is a little unhealthy, so for my own mental well-being I try to have some balance.

However, now i AM thinking about them now, so back to your question 😁

Will people who don't reallly care about jikook move on, if they don't have anything prove/fight for?

If they are the type to always go looking for something to brawl over, then i guess they will move on. And good riddance. Jikook doesn't need supporters who are only there to stir up drama.

I think there are also those agressive and obsessed jkkrs and tkkrs who would continue to throw poop at each other even if jikook livestreamed their wedding and had Tae as their best man. Those people may not really care about JM and JK in particular but they will NEVER GIVE UP on PRINCIPLE.

Jikook doesn't need supporters like that either, imo.

But what about those of us who do care about them and their happiness?

Will people who are obsessed with proving the relationship and who do genuinely care also move on?

These are the jkkrs who want to bask in the glow of true love, but also like to fight a good fight.

Will they lose interest if they don't have the obsessive need to prove the naysayers wrong?

My guess is no, because the joy of watching jikook together is euphoric in itself. Their obvious adoration and the care and dedication give us reasons too smile.

But they might miss the good ol' days of slapping back at tkkrs or high-fiving their jkkr friends when they cut down a toxic solo with a well timed caustic response. (That is kinda gratifying, let's be honest.) They might miss the detective work and in depth analysis of every bit of footage.

So maybe also yes. They might need a new adventure. I'm not saying they will stop caring about jikook, but i think they may seek out a new cause to fight for. As a side interest 😉.

Then again, if jikook DID come out, all hell would break loose. Jikook crusaders (said fondly) would have new banners to gather under because fires would be burning on every front. Many of us - even the quiet ones on the sidelines - would probably be fighting for them.

In fact if they did come out, i think (hope) those of us who have been interested but not entirely invested (and definitely not obsessed with proving anything) would rise up too.

Jikook don't really need us now, but they will need us if it ever happens. And i hope that we - the reservists let's call ourselves - will be prepared to fight. Just like JK was when Yoongi whacked that shuttlecock at JM.

As for me, I would stand shoulder to shoulder with all and any supporters to defend them. And I truly hope all armys, but especially the Jimin and Jungkook biased armys, would rally behind them under a rainbow flag. Because tkkrs arent the real enemy imo. They are just sad, angry people with no idea what true love looks like.

The real enemies are the bigots who hold power, and the institutionalised homophobia that threatens their safety, career and happiness.

And because that last paragraph was a bit of a downer, here are some things to warm your heart...

[rumoursfromines]

I have listened to the new boygenius album an unhealthy amount of times since its release a week ago. I have been on the floor in the middle of the night, just staring into the void, listening to the record. Every time I become obsessed with an album I get this urge to find out what exactly makes it so appealing to me. And to the rest of the world, apparently, since boygenius’ popularity right now is undeniable. In an interview, Lucy Dacus said that her life is defined by her friends and I really think this is the sentiment that just permeates every single song on this record and that give it its popularity.

I think we all miss the time in our lives where it was just us and our closest friends whom we’d share every mundane detail of our life with. We have evolved into a society that places monogamous romantic relationships above all else, to our own detriment and to the general detriment of society. I think the record subverted expectations by not being an album full of sappy heartbreak songs, but instead a celebration of the members��� friendship in all of its beautiful, hideous, and complicated facets. 

This album is dripping in intimate friendship: from the in-jokes the members explained in interviews, to the lyrics, to the very way they chose who sings which parts in the songs. I don’t know how much longer I can let boygenius get away with writing things like “if you rewrite your life, may I still play a part?” and “it feels good to be known so well” and expecting me to not just keel over and start crying. the record gave all of us what felt like a much-needed therapy session with our best friends. 

[tiamathh]

the thing is people who do these games or partake in them do so because they want to hear what they want to hear like if it someone rich or if it a handsome celeb (my fs was one of those and ngl im not particularly happy w/ it bc I rather not deal with trying to fit into their lifestyle) But the good news is you can always turn them down. Whoever the info is anout isnt the be all end all with who you might end up with. I seen a video of someone who met their partner not anyone imparticular just by praying and they met not long after.

You want to be told something good because you dont want to admit it not always what you want to hear or read in life.

People dont realise how life isnt fixed but because we are told we need xyz things in our life by such and such an age, I realise it dont matter anyway cause lowkey the world gonna end at some point do you really realllllllly want to bring a child who just going to suffer the way we have suffered into the world? heck no. Im honestly so used to being single its not even funny but even I found myself slightly curious as to who my fs would be and by several blogs they given me eerily similar info. You may have like 2/3 partners in this lifetime or none at all. its okay imho. what will be will be.

But I agree I think younger people and my age people if they havent met someone by now then they lonely or simply bored. tbh other situations also have put me off wanting to be in relationship like the topic of divorce for example or the guy may not exactly be loyal. Or even if they are an fs whats to say we would be compatible right off the bat? I think society is so distracted that this phenomenom of fs obsession has also become an unhealthy one bit like how we can qucikly become obsessed with celebs or idols.

Honestly society is never fully happy even if they have others in their lives because of the state of the world and the way its heading dont seem good. If we put it or this other person on a pedestal then we going to treat them like they going to save us and fill whatever void we have been lacking

I end up having this small voice in the back of my head that says in wednesday addams voice "we all die alone" which is also partially true and i think society just never comfortable being alone either. since the world is practically forced people to always be around others and to always need someone else to save something or be there for us. if we dont have a pedestal then we dont lack in nothing. if we start putting things on pedestal it saying we lacking in that thing. scarcity mindset do be strong in current times. stay safe out there cause u dont know what sort of shit is going on or going to occur anyway. people shouldnt take this shit too seriously cause life is short anyway. yet i even seen people really do take these games too seriously.

sorry for long rambling but yeah I notice its hard to not want to know either because everyone else want to know then blogs get crazy amount of asks

This 🫡🫡

[fuck-yeah-pierrelepew]

Content warning for mental health (this is a vent post), also slight talk of NSFW

Please don't reblog this.

I keep thinking about Pierre being mentally unstable, switching one moment from being sweet and kind to incredibly cruel the next, being in relationships where he goes from showering his partner with praise to excreting his sadistic fantasies.

I can't help but think that this may be because of how I feel. I haven't interacted with anyone that isn't related to my sisters (who have been taking care of me for years at this point) and I really can't understand how to deal with my feelings.

Another reason is because, since I've been given unrestricted internet access since I was about 6, I've seen so many things that no child should ever see. Luckily I have never been groomed or hurt by anyone, but that doesn't mean that the Internet hasn't caused such damage to my brain (I know that hypersexuality is mainly a trauma-based condition but I'm wondering if it's for people that have been exposed to explicit content early).

With Pierre I have an almost unhealthy obsession with him, and I feel like I'm projecting my struggle with contact and relationships onto him. But what if I'm not struggling with anything? What if I'm just being an edgy teenager that thinks that mental illness is ~cool~ and ~quirky~?

Really I don't mean any harm with what I'm saying right now, I really just wanted to vent for a bit to a void.

Also I wish for anyone not to interact too deeply with this. I really feel uncomfortable with the idea of strangers trying to talk to me about issues that they don't fully understand the context of.

[anachronistic-falsehood]

OK OK OK. i have to run some errands but i am also thinking abt this soo much now so im gonna type out this ask over the course of like the next hour in between things while im thinkin abt it. so i hope its not completely incomprehensible

OK ALEX KNIGHT OF VOID. i was not able to convince a friend abt him bc they are dead set on him being a prince of blood. whcih. shoutout to jonesy for that one because thats ALSO a really good classpect for him. ough. anyway anyway. the reason he is knight of void to me. hear me out this is my void player alex propaganda. void is. lack. void is nothing in the most literal sense. what does alex do. he disappears. thats what kicks off the whole fucking thing right !! alex disappears seemingly without a trace and jay goes looking for him. personally i see the operator as an embodiment of void in the homestuck sense. it takes things, it makes things disappear, it erases memories and redacts information and erases all sense of self in a person and thats how it wins. (theres an argument to be made that it could also be space coded with all the warping around and distortions and things but thats a whole other conversation its void propaganda time now) and alex becomes the one most closely associated with the operator. maybe tim was the source yeah but alex is the one who had the most direct contact with it the entire time. hes a knight because he protects nothing yeah (REALLY good interpretation btw. he thinks hes protecting something but there's nothing there.) but he was also corrupted into protecting the things the operator wanted (burning the tapes, getting rid of evidence, killing everyone associated, etc.) void 2 me is the opposite of light; where light deals in the acquisition of knowledge and understanding, void is the unknown and the unfamiliar and unclear

AND THAT BRINGS US TO. HEIR OF LIGHT JAY. FUCK. hes so heir coded. he didnt ask for this, he wasnt at all involved until alex offered to give him the tapes. he inherited the tapes from alex (who then stole them back and burnt them, void player behavior btw) . jay is soooooo. eye avatar coded also. i dont think youve listwned to tma yet but I know ive talked abt tma entities to u in passing before. ugh it makes me so insane. jay becomes obsessed with knowledge, with uncovering the mysteries, he HAS to Know whats happening. to the point where it becomes unhealthy. if i remember correctly one of the powers of an heir is to become their aspect (john when he turns into wind (?) ) and at a certain point jay . becomes light. in more ways than one if you want to be sappy about it (i do. i want to be sappy about it.) he becomes the knowledge, he becomes the information, his camera is an extention of his body, he's the sole provider of the events of mh through the youtube channel (and when tim picks it up its only because he feels like he needs to finish what jay started) . BUT ALSO. jay becomes . sort of a beacon for the whole thing. hoodie/brian are contacting *jay.* not alex, not tim. alex is hunting down jay for the tapes before tim even gets involved. dont even get me STARTED on jay and tim they make me fucking nuts. they only had each other. say what you will about the unhealthiness of their whole thing but jay was a light in the darkness for tim. he was hiding from everything, ignoring all of his problems and nothing was getting fixed, jay pulled him out of that kicking and screaming and even though they both got SO fucked up in the process ultimately tim escaped and jay was the light that led him out of the tunnel (< pun very much intended. fuck that tunnel). im kind of getting off on a tangent here sorry ive been reading a lot of fics i love them .

HEART PLAYER TIM. HOO BOY. now . hear me out. i know what you may be thinking. "mac you cannot just assign heart players to your favorite characters that is just you projecting." ITS NOT. OK. I JUST HAVE A TYPE WHEN IT COMES TO FAVORITE CHSRACTERS and that type Just So Happens to be full of fucking heart players. anyway. hear me out. tim. cares. so much. tim cares SO much for other people. the onlt reason he pushes people away is because he thinks it will protect them from him because he is so very full of guilt all the time and blames himself for infecting everyone. but he FUCKING CARES. and that i think is a huge huge huge heart player trait. maybe they are not the most pleasant people in the world maybe theyre huge raging assholes that will never admit it (cough cwilbur cough dirk) but DEEP DOWN (sometimes not actually all that deep down) heart players care about their friends so much that it hurts. however. heart players also tend to be super selfish <3 and tim is a knight. so . he protects. he protexts the people he cares about by trying to get them away from him. he also DIRECTLY protects the people he cares about (looking @ the scene in entry 72 hwre he directly stands face to face with the operator in order to protect jay. fuck that is one of my favorite scenes in the whole fucking thing. ) BUT HE IS ALSO SUPER SELFISH. he protects himself. he thinks hes protecting himself by shutting everyone out. he goes off on his own because he thinks thats the safest option. dont even get me STARTED on masky becausde i have a lot of complicated masky thoughts and this is already so very long. but like. u get the idea.

OK FINALLY. BRIAN. MAN. brian makes me so so so sad. doomed from the start motherfucker. he was tims first and best friend and . even though i stand by the fact thay the events of mh should not be blamed on tim. this was also . brians doom . hes so doom player. i also have a lot of complicated hoodie thoughts ans i think i need to rewatch a bunch of the totheark videos before i can fully formulate them all but . brian is. pretty much gone the whole series. he lost his memories and his sense of self so early on, so we see hoodie more than we see brian. brian is doomed to. lose himself basically. and even as hoodie i think he knows this . so all of his focus is on guiding jay, having jay lead him to the ark (still. somewhat unclear on whay the ark actually is . i think i need 2 sit down and just watch the whole series again tbh. so if this sounds like total bullshit pls forgive me i am jusf a little guy) anyway. he OBVIOUSLY knows more than jay does. debatably even more than tim does. how does he know these things! seer behavior. he knows that theyre all fucked though. there are plenty of allusions to death in the totheark videos and. well. despite whether he is actually guilty of this or not, tim certainly blames him for Jay's death. hoodie left them the note that led them to benedict hall which was. the death site for literally 3/4 of the entire group. doom player behavior. he saw that their deaths were inevitable and unavoidable and set pieces in motion to get all of those things to happen because he knew it had to. but hes also really passive with the way he interacts. very rarely does he actually directly give things to jay, most of the time its through codes and indirect contact and simply leading him/guiding him rather than. explicitly directing him. (which. silly side note. enrichment for jays light player tendencies. tossing him a puzzle feeder full of snacks like here you go buddy figure it out except the snacks are his friends' inevitable deaths)

GOD I HOPE ANY OF THIS MAKES SENSE. I AM THINKING ABT THEM SOMUCH DUDE.

LOOKING AT THIS WITH MY EXTREME AUTISM STARE. OGUHGOHGFH. ALEX KNIGHT OF VOID NO UR RIGHT UR SO FUCKING RIGHT. LIKE YES PRINCE OF BLOOD WORKS TOO BUT KNIGHT OF VOID IS SOOOO. AGH. he's gone and that kickstarts the whole thing. yeagh. THE OPERATOR AS AN EMBODIMENT OF VOID MAC I AM GOING TO START EATING GLASS UR INSANE FOR THIS AND ALSO SO SO CORRECT. OH MY GOD. obscuring information, hiding things, taking and taking until there's nothing left. operator lord of void and alex its unwillingly loyal knight. im going to start throwing things AGHHHH!!!!

void is so so the opposite of light which makes heir of light jay SOOOO INTERESTING. trying to achieve the opposite of what alex is doing. obsessed with knowing, with untangling the mysteries, finding out the truth. HE BECOMES THE ASPECT OF LIGHT, OF KNOWLEDGE. HE LOSES HIMSELF IN IT. IT CONSUMES HIM. light players attract attention from the narrative and jay is at the centre of ALL OF IT. HE is the one making the videos and posting them. he is the main character. remember when tim gets mad at jay for posting the videos for the entire world to see??? jay is MAKING THE NARRATIVE. HE IS THE NARRATIVE. HE IS THE MEDIUM THROUGH WHICH WE CONSUME THE STORY. and he will do ANYTHING to expand that narrative and give the people watching more and more information. he wants others to have this knowledge. he IS the light and he will spread information at the detriment of people close to him.

oghhhh don't even get me started on knight of heart time. ohg. he IS selfish!! and he will use that selfishness to protect the people close to him. he cares so so fucking much and it's killing him. and sometimes the best way to protect others is to be away from them no matter how much he doesn't want to be alone. heart is about identity and self. these blackouts he keeps having make him wonder who he even is with the mask on. he doesn't know who he is anymore. he barely knows who everyone else is trying to be anymore. ur so fucking right he is SO heart player coded AGHHHH!!!!! THE GUY EVER!!!

oh my god brian seer of doom drives me fucking insane crazy batshit stupid. holyyyyyy shit. yeah. oh my god. he's known they were doomed from the start. seers are a guidance class meant to nudge the other players on their destined path. he. he does that. he sets things in motion for himself, alex, and jay to die. it was inevitable and he knew that. he gives jay these little puzzles to decode (ENRICHMENT FOR HIS ENCLOSURE!!! seer behaviour <3) he's a shepard guiding them to their deaths I'M GOING 2 BE SICKKKKK!!!! he's always known there's no way for any of this to end without his own death and the deaths of his friends and in typical seer fashion he just kind of. accepts it. pushes the others onto the same path. lets it happen. rose behaviour!!! he's such a doom player but seer is literally such a perfect class for him ohhh my god. yeah yeah yeah. ur so right. i'm going 2 eat my fucking computer <3

[saraespencer]

I wrestle. But can you trust me, God?

Logically, I know, because I believe His Word is true. I know that God doesn’t want perfection out of me. Logically I know that I’m not capable of it anyways. Logically, I know that He wants my attention. My worship and my love. My surrender…

I love, therefore I do… my near-fatal flaw. I do things for the people I love, I want to serve and make things easier on those around me. I want to produce. I want to be helpful. When this becomes the thorn in my side is when I try to do it all without error and I simply can not. When I try to do it all on someone else’s schedule that doesn’t even coincide with my own. When I forego my health to finish something I said I could do that I never could. Where does this come from? I think deep, deep down, I still have old weeds that grow that have adapted to a new environment. Weeds that still continue to make it through the ground from which I don’t even consciously feed. They’re weeds that symbolize my unhealthy and buried instinct to please God by doing things well. My desire to be perfect in His eyes. My desire to hide my humanness from Him. It sounds ridiculous. But it’s there. And when I don’t (can’t) measure up, to the standards He never set for me but that I set for myself… enter overwhelm. Enter sickness. Enter ideas of retreating so deeply that I become invisible. 

Logically I know this too… that if I were to do that, I might miss people. People might miss me. I will miss God. I might stop seeing his wonder. I won’t be of any use in spreading His glory about this earth. Maybe that is my biggest fear. I want to be used and seen as good. Too honest? Just typing those words makes me feel nervous about the insides of my heart and soul. 

Since logically I know the truth, I wrestle to find a solution to the lies that still occasionally surface for me. I probably won’t stop battling this completely until I meet Jesus face to face. I will likely need constant reminder as I journey on. And that’s okay with me. In the most hard moments, my solution is this: rather than strive for perfection for God, I will become trustworthy to God. That’s the place I will revisit when I find myself failing according to me, overcommitting, stretching beyond my means or sacrificing joy for accomplishment. Trusting that God is good, He is worthy, He is all that I need. That He has already won, and doesn’t need help accomplishing His will on His earth. Getting to walk beside Him is a gift and a grace. I remember that He desires to use me, that I know He has called me, and that He will use me if He can trust me. So I stay there. Teachable, able to adapt, ready. But not drowning. And when I start spiraling thinking I am not doing enough, not perfect enough, messing up, unable to carry it all, I remember that God doesn’t need my perfection, He doesn’t need my obsessive tendencies in order to forge His way, He certainly doesn’t need my panic. He doesn’t need me to do Him a favor. He wants to be able to trust me. From here, I can stop trying so hard to be everything, and I can relax into just being the-Jesus-following-me… the me that is changing and becoming, the me who loves the Lord with all my heart, who longs to be in His presence. The me who is His child, and is able to find rest in His love and grace. I can stop crying out for strength and energy incessantly and can instead pray passionately for God to mold my heart into one after His own, one He trusts. Can you trust me, God? 

It may seem depressing, but I don’t mean for it to be. Really, it’s normal. We just often don’t talk about what we wrestle with personally. Really, underneath the difficulty of this life, even instances like this are quite stunning. To see God changing my thoughts, to feel Him draw me near. To give everything to Him and trust Him to make me new. To consume His word and watch it never return void. To watch Him remove scales allowing me to see. To have seen God move in hindsight enough, that you begin to be able to see Him working before "hindsight". It’s the dream. All are welcome. And I am thankful. 

[pinkapet]

Let's see, the ever complex joy of figuring what the fuck is going on with Homestuck.

Humans... easy. Four letter first name, six letter last name. That is IT.

Cherubs... we only know two so this is speculation, but Caliborn and Calliope both start with c and are eight letters long.

Leprechauns are also easy I suppose. One word names that have a theme. Could be a number, a weapon, or a power. That's it.

A little less easy, the carapacians. Two word names, first word descriptive, second word noun (with Ac emotions of the midnight crew). Wayward Vagabond. White Queen.

The names can change, but the initials will always be the same. Parcel Mistress because Peregrine Mendicant, Authority Regulator to Aimless Rengade.

Then we have trolls... AND HOLY FUCKING SHIT WHY ARE THESE NAMES USUALLY SO FUCKING COMPLEX?!?!?!

The easy part is when a troll is young, their name is Six-Six. Karkat Vantas, Vriska Serket, and Meenah Peixes.

Let me directly quote the fucking wiki because I am NOT bothering myself with this shit.

The name "Eridan Ampora" was suggested by a composer for Tenebrais. "Eridan" comes from the Eridanos river, poured from Aquarius' urn. "Ampora" comes from amphora, a Greek container used for holding water.

"Feferi" was suggested by [X-Rok] and "Peixes" was suggested by Zuki. Her first name comes from Metasepia pfefferi, a poisonous species of cuttlefish. Her first name could also come from Feri, which is a form of traditional witchcraft - this is of note because she is the Witch of Life. Her last name is the Portuguese name for Pisces (as well as the Portuguese word for fish (plural)), and can be pronounced PAY-shes [citation needed]. Her name could also come from fairy and pixie, mythical figures associated with feminine attributes such as the natural element of water.

"Equius" was suggested by Angetaro. "Zahhak" was suggested by nextian. Equius takes its root from the Latin equus, meaning horse. It may also be in reference to the play Equus, in which a boy discovers his sexual affinity towards horses. This would explain Equius' almost unhealthy obsession for anything relating to hoofbeasts. Equus can also be a variation of "calm" in Latin [citation needed], which would be ironic considering the fact that Equius has a habit of going on rages. His first name could also come from the constellation Equueleus, equuleus meaning little horse in Latin.

Zahhak is a figure in Iranian mythology, who was strong and clever, but was easily manipulated by his evil counselors into world domination. Zahhak was also known as Bēvar-Asp, which translates into "[he who has] 10,000 horses" (10,000 being equal to 100²).

The Spanish name of the letter X is also equis, though it may also be a reference to the cross shape at the lower end of his sign. This word also ties into his aspect, void, in that equis is slang for something ordinary or unimpressive.

I do not blame you if you didn't read any of that. But yeah, the main cast all have names that mean something, and sometimes up to three separate concepts AT ONCE.

And then, when they grow up, it gets easy again. With the acception of The Grand Highblood, all names are eight letters minus the words like 'her' and 'the'. Her Imperial Condesce, The Signless, Redglare, and Mindfang.

So basically everything is REALLY simple except young trolls for some fucking reason. Don't get me wrong I appreciate clever etymology, but holy shit y'all.

Ah screw it, I'm writing a post about etymology in fandoms. Planned ones are Rain World, My Little Pony, and Homestuck. Feel free to leave suggestions as well!

[midnightwinterhawk]

Not to be a monsterfucker on main, but..

Just look at this beautiful bastard.

[aajjks]

Your King (MYG)

synopsis. He was your King, while you were nothing but his possession.

warnings: YANDERE, T*XIC BEHAVIOUR, extreme YANDERE, mentions of blo*d, obsession, unhealthy possessiveness, he’s emotionally ab*sive, mentions of killing, crying.

disclaimer: THIS IS NOT A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP, DO NOT ROMANTICISE THIS BEHAVIOUR AT ALL, I do not CONDONE this behaviour at all? viewer discretion is advised, this type of content can be dark and triggering.

HEADER CREDITS TO MY ONE AND ONLY @introgfx 😭🫶

note. SHARE THOUGHTS??? ❤️❤️

“Did you take me for a fool, my dearest?” Yoongi hummed in a bored tone, sitting on his large golden black throne as his stare wasn’t focused on you but on the sword that he stared at.

Your knees were weak as you stood infront of him, unshed tears layering against your tired eyes, your heart begging to have him spare you a glance.

But your mind knew Yoongi better than anyone. He never liked to look at your wet crying eyes, that made him weak.

And yoongi didn’t like to be weak.

“P-Please Yoong- It’s my king to you now, sweetheart.” Your heart broke into a million pieces at his words, a wave of fresh tears welled up in your eyes as you looked down at the floor.

His anger was invisible on his face but you could feel it’s heavy heavy presence, the blood drops on his sword were the proof of his wrath.

“B-But m-my king please! Y-You were mislead! H-He was like my brother!” You cried, your voice wavered with fear as you felt the weight of his eyes fall on you.

You fell onto your knees.

Those horrific images of his body laying in his own pool of blood haunted you.

“H-He was my brother!” A choked sob left you. Yoongi was not speaking a word, only listening to you.

It scared you. “That’s enough, Y/N.”

Your heart skipped a beat, filling you with near waves of fear when you heard his footsteps coming towards you.

He rarely called you by your name.

“You dare to defend him even in his death?!?” A growl from him was the sign of his calm demeanour breaking.

“I don’t like it when you defend and cry for him like this… you are so stupid, my love.” Yoongi’s raspy voice was almost blocked by the sound of your own heartbeat.

“He may be like a brother to you,” you could see his reflection in the marble floor, as he crouched down to your figure.

You shuddered.

You couldn’t stop your tears. Yoongi noticed your panic, his large hand coming towards your face to caress it.

His touch burned.

“He didn’t see you like a sister though. You see, sweetheart, men can’t be trusted.” A laugh full of cruelty left him.

“Trust me I’m a man after all.” His touch was tender, so not like him. It was like this was not your king.

This was a crazy man. A killer.

“You’re my most prized possession, you know? I’m a very possessive person, I don’t like it when someone even looks at you. I feel a rush of murderous rage whenever you were with him.” His laugh vibrated around the large throne room.

“You should know that, right?” The pad of his thumb swiped against your trembling lip.

“These lips.. they’re too precious.” He squeezed the meat lightly between his fingers.

“But they feel so filthy to me whenever you utter his name.” You silently cried. “You’re my purest possession… you make me happy, dearest.”

Yoongi carefully lifted your head up, your eyes met his void ones. They were dark yet empty.

Completely empty.

“You know I don’t like to see you cry. You know everything yet… you like to test my limits, hmm?” He smirked, wiping away your fresh tears.

“Even these tears are mine. Why don’t you cry for me only?” He licked his lips, inhaling a deep breath. “Sweetheart… stop crying for him.”

Yoongi’s patience was running thin, you could tell.

“Before I make you cry for me.”

[maddenleftchat]

Hi I would like to request a Yandere Dream (character) with a GN Darling.

I’m thinking of something with a little bit of a twist where darling actually loves Dream because Dream had saved them and they view Dream like a savior.

- Dream is just genuinely lovesick for darling

- Darling slowly also became lovesick for Dream?

-maybe darling also kills someone for Dream to save him

-Also maybe some angsty flashbacks?

-Pure honesty I want some pure fluffy twisted love

Thanks!

Alright! So this one is not going to be the normal stuff, it is going to be more of a one shot. I am sorry if that's not your style, but I thought it suited best. This will be a long one, just a heads up.

Triggers: angst,manipulative behavior, possessive behavior, obsessive behavior, unhealthy relationship, unhealthy looking up upon someone, God complex, gore described in detail, attempted suicide, some sad shit, mention of deep depression, mention of abuse, little snippets that describe abuse, unhealthy expectations, toxic relationships, unhealthy dependency, description of panic/anxiety attack (in detail), and major yandere behavior. PLEASE BE VERY CAREFUL WHEN READING THIS ONE! IF YOU ARE TRIGGERED BY ANY OF THESE WALK AWAY. I HAVE PLENTY MORE CONTENT THAT MAY SUIT YOU!

Without further ado... Enjoy.

Gender neutral pronouns (mostly using first person pronouns)

DREAM

~-My Terrible Hero-~

Chains drape around your soul, each link whispers his lies and false hopes. The rattle of the links clashing together fills the empty void with a forever echoing cry for help. Your once forest fire soul, simply burned to a small meek flicker. A soul that was once so powerful and strong willed it could burn down worlds. It could make people follow it's forever glow for the rest of their days. It's heat was sickening. It radiating heat traveled for universes.

But now it holds no resemblance to it's once great form. It now was a simple flake, barely staying a light, helplessly blowing in the windless void, making hopeless attempts to search for it's will.

Your eyes followed the small flake of fire aimlessly floating around, as your vision slowly began to fade away. The flame's flake glow grew dimmer and dimmer quicker with each second. It was hard to tell if it was floating away from you, or if you were floating away from it. Either way, you were sad to see it go. You only ever had this dream every once in a blue moon. Or that's what it seemed like. But every time, it kept feeling longer and longer. Like something was trying to get a message through. There was no point to it, you never understood the message. Ever since you were young, you had that same dream. You were the one to watch that fire die. It wasn't always down hill, sometimes it would begin to grow...but that never lasted long.

In the world of the living, your eyes find themselves fighting the rest of your body to open. The bright sun crept in through the thin slit between your currents. The light hit your face just right, and greeted you with it's faint warmth. A light groan left your lips as you begrudgingly opened your eyes.

The same dull gray painted ceiling greeted you, like it did every morning. It didn't take you long to avert your attention to something else as you sat up. Your legs swung themselves off the side of the bed to dangle, as they await your internal commands to move. Your hands rest palm down onto your mattress, staying stagnant at your sides. Your back positioned itself with a slight slouch, and your eye started forward at the white walls. Your nose picked up the stuffy air, that seemed to be the new normal in your home. Your mouth opened to let out a dry yawn.

Your feet slowly made contact with the cold floor, sending a shiver up your legs. You finally stood and walked in the direction of your bedroom door. It didn't take you long to find yourself standing in front of your food storage, grazing everything you had until something caught your eye. Shortly after you had decided on a small loaf of bread.

"Today is the day." You spoke to yourself aloud.

The river was just about a ten minute walk away. It was deep enough in the forest where no one could find you. You could finally die in peace.

Life had been so unkind to you, so days you truly believed the great god XD truly gave up on you. Other days you would think the universe was making you pay for something you did in a past life. But whenever you began to feel decently okay, your memories would flood back. The wave of PTSD would crash on you, and pull you into a current of guilt and regret. The water of invisible injury would flood your lungs, bringing back the pain from all the strikes they hit you will. The familiar burning in your chest is nothing new. You have experienced the feeling of drowning many times. But that was only in vivid daydreams. So visited feels like a second reality, another universe specifically made just a torture you.

You hug yourself in a weak effort to comfort yourself. Your hands shook, and your breath became rigid, your heartbeat picked up. Your wide eyes slowly began to blink again, and your shaking came to a halt once you slowly crawled back into reality.

You looked down at your half finished loaf and put it back into its rightful placement in the chest. The chest top closed with it's iconic creaking sound. You then walked to your house's main door, and left without anything, except the clothes on your back. And so you began your last walk through the forest. You were kinda glad in a way. I mean, the last thing you would ever see is the beautiful forest around you, and the birds chirping. It was peaceful.

As you walked, the sound of the leaf rustling in the trees, and the crunch of sticks under your feet filled your ears. The smell of the fresh air filled your nose and lungs. The feeling of the prickly leaves grazed your fingertips, and the satisfying greenery of the forest greeted your eyes. The very rare smile painted your dry lip, as you came up on the river. You watched it for a moment without saying anything or moving.

You took off your shoes and set them to the side, letting your toes fall onto the muddy ground, and your feet feel the cool ground. You took slow steps into the water, until it was at your waist. It's current was soft, and welcoming as the water flowed. You slowly sat down, crossing one leg off the other, creating a squished eight shape, (criss cross). The water now reached your neck. You took one last deep breath and let yourself fall back into the water with a bit of a loud splash.

Meanwhile, a certain being had been wandering the forest. His brown boots crushed the sticks and dry leaves under them. The netherite axe hung on his back, with his bow, ready to be drawn at any moment. Though, the male figure stopped in his tracks when he heard the splash of water nearby. He bit his lip under the mask, unsure of his next actions. He couldn't seem to decide if he should walk in another direction or check it out. But in the end the latter was his final decision.

The man pulled his axe out, ready for any potential threats. He walked with caution, making sure to stay practically silent. As he came upon the river, he noticed a human shaped figure in the cloudy water. This was only confirmed more by air bubbles coming up from the water.

The man with the smiley face mask was once again faced with two different choices. Take the risk and save whatever was in there, or just pretend he didn't see anything. The only thing that kept him from walking away wasn't the guilt, but the curiosity would eat at him. So the masked man rolled up his light green hoodie sleeves, and walked into the water, making his black pants wet (to his displeasure). His hands reached out, pulling your passed out figure by the shoulders.

To say the least, the masked man was quite surprised. He noted that you didn't have any forced injuries, or marks on your visible skin, of any fighting. As well, your shoes were placed neatly on the side of the river. It's either you were knocked out and placed into the river, and your killer was nice enough to keep your shoes dry. Or...you did this yourself. The masked man pondered on this for a while, long enough for you to start coughing and waking up. This action startled the male figure causing him to drop you carelessly on accident. The drop caused you to fall onto a rock, hitting the back of your head, this caused blood. The masked face quickly turned his attention to the red cloudy liquid coming from the water. He quickly grabbed you again and picked you bridal style and took you to land, by your shoes.

He didn't know why he did this, but he did. He felt it was right. The masked man began to walk in the direction where he saw your footprints come from. That's when he was met with your home after about ten minutes. The man took a moment to glance at your house, it was a quaint little cabin, with vine and flowers decorating the outside, and a small balcony on the singular second floor room. A small smile painted the man's face for a split second, and he walked inside. He made it quickly to your bedroom, and laid you on the bed. He quickly found the bathroom and washcloths. He placed a warm damp one on your forehead, while he tried his best to bandage up your head injury.

Though instead of leaving you there, he decided to wait till you awoke. So with that, the man got a little nosey and decided to take a look around. But to his dissatisfaction, there was nothing interesting. Like anywhere. Almost as if you were hiding from something or... someone?

His little exploration was cut short by the light groaning that fell from your lips. He turned to face you, and saw your eyes slowly open.

A small and jumbled, "What….what happened?.." left your throat, as your dull eyes scanned over the room. Until they landed on the tall figure standing in a corner. You quickly sat up, but we're halted by the stabbing pain that hit your head. Your hands quickly traveled to the back of your head, cradling your injury to soothe the pain. The figure slowly took a step closer. While you made weak and petty attempts to get away. All while yelling at the figure.

"W-who are you?!"

"What are you doing here?!"

"How did you get here?!"

"What do you want?!"

With each phrase leaving your lips, tears began to well up and fall from your eyes. From both pain and fear. The figure stood still and brought his masked face into the light. But this simply engraved more fear into you once you saw who he was.

It was that iconic and infamous smiley faced mask. That belonged to no other than the smp's biggest manipulator and instigator, Dream.

Dream stood there unsure of how to react. On one hand your crying and screaming was annoying, but on the other he understood your actions. He was a stranger that just showed up in your house. So he reacted the only way he thought was right.

"Shut up, you're gonna hurt your head even more. If you calm down, I'll explain everything that happened."

You sat still and gave a small nod, as your hands clenched making your knuckles white.

"I found you in the nearby river, passed out and thought you were in danger and didn't want you to get hurt, so I followed your footsteps back here." Dream explained readjusting his mask.

You sat there, your eyes just staring at him. While nothing was happening on the outside, the inside was a whole nother story.

He didn't want you to get hurt…

He saved you…

He cared enough to save you…

He got in that dirty water for you…

He walked back to your house for you... instead of just leaving you on the dirty ground…

He bandaged you up…

All for you…

He worried…

You could feel your heart rate pick up, like nothing you had ever felt. Heat traveled to your cheeks, as you looked back up at the figure. Dream saw your flushed cheeks, and stepped closer.

"Are you alright? Your face is red. Do you have a fever?" He placed a hand on your forehead.

"N-no!" You stutter out, but say it a bit louder than needed.

Dream pulled his hand away, "Alright...sorry...but now I have a few questions for you."

You felt your heart drop, "Okay?.."

"How did you end up in the river?"

You frowned your wet brows and looked over to your right, trying to think of an answer. But you were quickly stopped by Dream speaking.

"And don't lie to me. I want the truth."

"How did…-"

"Answer my question." He spoke with a more demanding tone.

A quiet sigh left your lips as you looked down in shame.

"I-I was trying to kill myself…"

Dream raised his brows in a bit of surprise under the mask. Suicide was nothing new to Dream, he knew a lot of people that went out that way. But voluntarily drowning was something new to him. He was curious, so he pressed on.

"Why?"

This question scared you even more, so it took you a while to answer. Dream didn't say anything and just waited for your response.

"I-..."

"..."

"Life hasn't been kind to me…and my home was hell… everyone has left me...I've been hit and abused...I don't have anything left…"

You finally let out, but this earned the response of a 'tsk' from Dream. You look up at him.

"You've got to be kidding me."

"W-wha…"

"Your going to kill yourself because of other people? That is the most pathetic thing ever. I thought you were interesting, but I was wrong. I should have just left you in that river."

Dream turned and began to leave the room, but he was stopped by the sound of a thud on the floor and your weak hands on his ankle. He looked down to see you in tears and on the floor.

"Please! Please don't leave me…" you look down, "Y-you cared! You cared enough to save me! You cared enough to bring me back here! You cared enough to try and fix me up!"

You looked up at Dream with the disgusting sight of tears running down your face, mixing with the snot leaking from your red nose.

Dream scoffed in disgust.

You slowly stood up, the best you could. "Please...take me with you...I'll do whatever you want me to. Just… don't leave me. Let me repay you...you're my savior."

Dream stood there, thinking of what you just said. You were so pathetic, so dumb, so… naive. But not useless...you were weak, but seemed devoted... devoted to him. You could be useful.

Dream let out a long drawn out sigh, "Fine, you can come with me. But you better keep up, and stay quiet."

You quickly nodded, whipping your tears, "Yes sir!"

Sir?

Sir…

Sir.

That was a new one...he liked it. You were going to be a fun little toy. While Dream did see you as weak, he liked how you called him your savior. Like he was a god. Like he was your god…

"Get whatever you think you'll need and meet me outside." Dream said leaving the room.

You were quick to pick up a small bag, and pack a few clothes and other essential items into the bag. You also grabbed your iron sword, and bow. It was all you had. You quickly, but carefully made your way downstairs and out the door. Dream looked you up and down before presenting you with another question.

"Where's your armor?"

"Oh..uh...I don't...I don't have any.."

He let out an annoyed sigh and shook his head.

"Whatever, I'll just give you an extra set when we get back to my house."

Your eyes lit up and you nodded, "Thank you sir-"

Dream nodded and began to walk in the direction of the river, you followed close behind, and kept your eyes on Dream.

"I think I'm in love. He cares, he really cares. I've barely known him for a day, and I feel like I want to marry him. He's great! He's my god. And I will be his most devoted follower. I'll be the one to build his church. I'll be the one to kneel for hours without break. I'll be the one to give him my gifts and sacrifices. It'll be me. Just me!"

You kept following Dream while lost in your thoughts, you kept your gaze on Dream. Little did you know, he was aware of your every movement. And if he was being honest...all the staring was getting kinda creepy.

Dream cleared his throat and turned to look back at you. "Hey...can you stop staring at me?"

His voice knocked you out of your little daydreams and looked at him. A thin blush of embarrassment made its way to your face.

"Um, yeah sorry my lord."

Your new nickname made Dream stop in his tracks.

"What did you call me?"

"U-um lord?... B-but I won't call you that if you don't want me to-!"

"No… keep doing it. I like it."

Dream said, smirking under his mask. You were gonna be a lot easier than he thought.

While the both of you walked in total silence, you were in your little world. Until you came upon an average looking house. It could use some work, but it wasn't that bad. Dream looked back at you to see if you were following, you were. You reminded him of a small puppy. A puppy that he can mold into an attack dog.

The way you looked up at him, was something he had never seen. It made a weird feeling in his stomach. But he ignored it.

Dream walked into the simple house, as you followed, and your eyes scanned the lay out. It was a simple house, really only containing the essentials: bed, furnace, crafting table, chest, armor stand, and etc.

"You have a pretty nice place." You complement.

Dream shrugged, "I don't stay here for very long anyways, only when needed."

You nodded and looked to Dream for instruction. He noticed and looked back at you, before pointing to a door, "Bedroom is in there."

You blushed at the thought of sharing a bed with him. "W-we're gonna share a bed?"

He shrugged, "No, we'll just take turns. I'm usually out during the night, you can sleep then. And during the day, you can do what you do and I'll sleep."

You nodded, internally disappointed, but you understood. He has barely known you for the day, it's unbelievable that he even allowed you in his home. Wait- did he even know your name?

"Oh- um lord?"

"What is it?"

"Did I introduce myself to you?.."

He shook his head.

"Ah well," you say and proceed to tell him your name. "My name is (Name)."

He nodded.

"W-well...if you don't mind, I'm going to go and rest."

"Yes please do so. You can't do anything if you have that annoying injury."

You thanked Dream one last time before you walked into the bedroom, it was fairly empty except for a few chest and a bed. A long sigh left your lips and smile replaced your nervous expression. You set your bag by the door, and took off your shoes and plopped on top of the bed. You placed your head on the pillow...it smelled just like him… You hug the pillow, and fall into the embrace of sleep.

~

Over the next months you had healed up and been helping Dream with whatever he needed. He even gave you a full set of netherite armor, and netherite sword!

As for Dream, as the months passed by he got to know your personality better. He got to know more of your background, your likes, dislikes, and so much more. That strange feeling in his gut seemed to be getting so much worse. He also noticed his behavior would change around you. He became more... protective, and possessive. He noticed he hated it when you talked to other people that weren't him. Dream started to keep you inside more and more. That disgusting feeling in his stomach kept growing.

Dream was confused, and angry. This was your fault he was like this! How dare you make him like this! It took Dream a long time to figure out what was the matter...but once he did, he let it take over. He couldn't push it away any longer. He was in love with you. But not just any love. It was an ill kind of love. A love that could break a person. A love capable of killing thousands. A love...that could start a great fire. A love that had no limits for good and worse. A love that was greedy. A love that was the murder of all innocent love. A corrupt love. And he was going to have you no matter what.

~

One day, Dream had gotten home, and instead of greeting him with your cheery, "Hello my lord!" It was quiet. An unsettling quiet. A quiet that surpassed silent. A quiet that not even the nights in space could get close to.

Dream stood still worried. Had you run away? Did you get hurt? Were you playing around and hiding? Where were you?! What happened?! Dream was about to go on a full blow rampage, until he heard it. A soft pitiful whimper from the bedroom. He was quick to rush over and put his ear to the door.

You sat in the room, waking up from a horribly vivid nightmare of your abuser. You relived all of it. From their degrading words saying how useless you were and how you could disappear and now one would care. Or if you were to leave town everyone would celebrate. You felt their hits on your body, the constant stinging after they had swatted and slapped you multiple times in the same area. Or the throbbing pain on your stomach and chest with their relentless kicking, having you positioned on the ground, curled up trying to protect yourself somehow. You could still feel the burning of your back, after all the whip slashes they gave you. The cold metal feeling was still fresh on your arms from when they came at you with a knife.

When you first woke up, you could feel yourself beginning to hyperventilate. Air seemed like it was so limited, so you kept taking in as much as you could as fast as you could. Your hands and body began to tremble, as you curled up into a small ball. Holding your knees to your chest, fingernails relentlessly scratched and carved into your wrists. Your skin was quickly worn thin, and blood began to spill. Tears welled up in your eyes and the dams broke letting them spill down your cheeks. Your nose became runny and you couldn't even control that. You were stuck in this position, until this hell of your body washed over. You began to sweat it felt like you were sitting in the fires of hell your body was burning! "Someone help me!" You would yell in your head, but couldn't muster the energy to say it out loud.

Dream heard your cries and whimpers, and took no longer to slam the door open and run over to you. He pulled you into his arms hushing you like a mother does her crying child. Dream was quick to take you out of the bedroom and into the kitchen, grabbing some ice for you to hold, and help you cool down. While he had you sitting on the counter beginning to cool down, he placed a cool rag on your forehead. Dream stood in front of you.

"Look at my mask in the eyes (Name)" he said, saying your name for once in a long time.

Your watery eyes looked at the mask, with desperation in your eyes. It was that look again, it made him blush under that mask. Why do you look at him like that even though you haven't seen his face yet.

Your slightly wet hands from the ice cubes, gripped on to his arms, as his hands were placed firmly on your shoulders. You tried to speak, but the short phrase kept coming out in incomprehensible mumbles.

"I can't understand you." Dream said gently.

"I.. am saying thank you Dream...this means a lot.." you said with a smile that made Dream's heart skip a few beats. You rest your forehead against his chest.

"How did you know what to do?" You inquired.

Dream cleared his throat and looked in the other direction. "An...old friend of mine had a couple of panic attacks once.."

You nodded in response and pulled your head away from his chest, but this was quickly corrected by his hand pushing your head back down. The action gifted him a light blush from you.

You two stayed in this position for a while, neither side wanting to move. Dream didn't want to move because he knew you were safe. His little worshiper was safe...a god is not a god without his worshipers, and it's the god's job to protect his worshipers, while his worshipers protect his temple.

You didn't want to move because you finally felt loved. Your lord...your savior, had you in his arms at last. And you'd be damned if someone tried to take him away. Your arms slowly snaked around Dreams arms, as you pulled him closer, he didn't protest.

It felt like hours passed before you pulled away and looked at Dream with a sweet smile. You thanked Dream for letting you do this. You only got a nod, but that was good enough for you.

These past months have been heaven for you. You finally felt safe. You finally had someone to depend on. You looked up to Dream. He was so much better and stronger than you. You didn't dare dream to be as mighty as he was. Dream always told you to not go out without him, because it was dangerous. You didn't need convincing to know that. Dream said that if you went out other people would hurt you. That's why you only left with him. If he wasn't there he wouldn't leave. Sometimes it was a bit suffocating, but it was for the best. Dream cared about you and didn't want you getting hurt. Dream always wanted you to be on your best behavior, and that's what you did. You always made sure the house was spotless when he got home. After long days of work you would want to come home to a clean house. So your new Dream really appreciated it.

The hours would take by during the day, as you impatiently waited for Dream to return home once again. Since he lived all the way out in the forest there was nobody really around, so you didn't really understand why you couldn't at least walk around the surrounding forest for a little bit. Dream always seem to like it when you call him the Lord or God. It made him happy, and that made you happy.

There would be rare times when Dream would sometimes degrade you. But that's only because you weren't doing it right. The worst things he'll say are small stuff like, "You're not doing that right! Move over; let me show you. You can be so unless sometimes…" "What the hell did you do?! Are you stupid?!"

But you know he doesn't mean them! Right?...

~

One day Dream decided to treat you, and take you to town so you could go shopping. You were so excited. You got all dressed up, and left shortly after. Dream said he would pay for anything that you wanted, and to go wild.

So taking his orders, you began to prance from shops to shops picking at least one thing out from each shop. It was so fun. Some shops were filled with different styles of clothing from street wear, to formal and almost ball gown like dresses. While other shops sold shoes or little trinkets. You felt like a child on Christmas holiday scouting out for all the potential presents from Santa. Your eyes were sparkling from joy for once in a long time. It was the perfect day. It was sunny out, but not too hot. As the wind carried a cool breeze and the smell of the market foods. The streets were filled with the sound of bustling people and kids. Your hands were occupied by feeling the different fabrics, of different articles of clothing. Your attention was everywhere on everything. Your eyes loved all the bright colors, and how they all just melted together so perfectly.

Throughout the day Dream had kept his promise and bought everything that you had desired, and even carried your mountains of bags for you. As a little thanks you ended up buying him an ice cream after a bit of playful and stubborn bickering. The flavors were like nothing you had ever tasted. You had gotten multiple scoops: one beige chocolate, vanilla, and mango. You have had ice cream before, but this must have been homemade. The flavors mixed together so well, as they melted in your mouth with each lick. It was as if your taste buds were holding a rave of flavors in your mouth. A smile painted onto your face. You had gone into another store, while Dream decided to wait outside.

You walked into the colorful shop greeted with the smell mix of zesty lime and lemon, flowing with a soft lavender. The smell combination made a smile grace your lips. Your eyes scanned over the various items in the store: ranging from jewelry, purses, shoes, and clothes! You immediately found yourself over in the jewelry part of the store, as you wanted to get Dream a thank you gift. As you looked around for something he might like, you came up on a ring with a small little axe imprinted on it. It was a black flat head ring, with the axe being a pleasing contrast with a pale blue. You picked out the ring first, wanting to make sure it was going to be there by the time you left. So knowing the item was secured, you went off to shop for your own treasures.

You took a bit longer in this store, as they just had so many good things! You had a hard time choosing which of the wonderful treasures you were going to take. But after a while of internal bickering with yourself, you finally had decided and ended up with a few different articles of clothing and a new pair of shoes. As you had your bags of finding and Dream's gift you skipped out of the store with a smile. You got ready to greet Dream once again, but you were stopped in your tracks. Your curved smiling eyes quickly dulled. Your cheeky smile was replaced with a displeased frown. Your eyes locked onto her. Like a hawk would its prey. What were you so upset about? That damn whore that was currently talking to your god. A corrupt witch was talking to your god!

You couldn't see Dream's expression because of the mask, but he was looking away, and physically perked up when he saw you. He said something to the girl then walked in your direction. Your not so pleased expression quickly changed when you saw Dream paying attention to you. You met him half way and smiled.

"Hello my lord. What was that girl talking about?" You inquired innocently.

Dream only shrugged, "wasn't paying attention."

You smile in response and you both decide it was time to go home. So you left the town for the day, and told Dream about all the wonderful things that were in that last store. He only hummed in response, and just let you talk away.

As you reached your home, Dream yawned while sitting down your begs.

"I'm gonna rest for a bit. Behave while I'm asleep, okay?"

"Yes, my lord." You responded likey normal.

Dream left the main room and went into the bedroom, leaving you alone. Alone to take care of that little issue…

You left after checking multiple times if Dream was sleeping. You took a bit of rope with you, and began to journey to the town. It was a quiet walk, with not even the birds chirping with the sun set. It was just a slight breeze that was the only thing that you focused on. As you came upon the two, it was now dark. You silently and stealthily made your way from home to home, trying to find the witch. She was hard to track down for you, but this was your first time doing it.

After what felt like an hour of searching you had finally found your target. She sat on her back porch, braiding her hair. You took advantage of her vulnerable state, and were quick to jump on her. You took the rope you had in hand, and put it around her neck. This quick and violent action caused the witches' air supply to be cut short. You had no intention of killing her at the moment. So that's why, when she stopped struggling you picked up the body. And left town, going out of your way to be unseen.

A little while later, Dream was woken up to the sound of faint female screaming. This immediately put him on edge and he rushed out of the room.

"(Name)?! Are you okay-?!"

When he earned no response, Dream quickly grabbed his axe and ran outside following the sound of the screeching. To say that Dream was both worried and pissed. Worried because you could be in danger, and pissed because you didn't listen to him! How dare you commit such a sin of leaving your place at the temple!

As Dream got closer to the sound he slowed down. When you came into view, he sighed in relief, but stopped when he saw your stance. You stood over the mangled and stab wound filled dead body of a girl. The girl that was talking to Dream earlier that day. Her guts and stomach hung from the open space where her ribs used to be. Her ribs were pulled back through her back. As her face held a permanent expression distorted into horror and pain. Blood dripped from everywhere on her body. Her feet were so broken they looked like flesh sacks. Chunks of hair laid near the girl's head, along with teeth and fingernails.

Dream was too focused on the gory view in front of him, he stepped forward and his foot landed on a stick. Causing the stick to break and the snap echoed through the entire forest. To your horror when you turned around, you saw him. You stood frozen.

"(Name) ...what's going on here?"

"D-dream! I-i can explain! I promise."

"Then explain. You have three minutes."

"This witch was trying to steal you! She was trying to make my god impure! She was trying to get into our temple Dream! I couldn't let her…! I-...I didn't want to lose you…" you said looking down, not noticing the footsteps of the approaching Dream.

Dream, once again, pulled your head to his chest and sighed. "Your dumb to think I would let such a useless creature even touch me." A sense of relief washed over you, right before it was replaced with nerves.

He continues, "But, I am very displeased with you (Name). You have disobeyed one of my most important rules. But I don't see this as needing a punishment. Only because you did it out of worry of losing me. But if you go out of the house without me again. I will have to punish you. Am I understood?"

You noted his words with caution and nodded with a small, "yes sir."

"Good, now let's clean you up."

~

And that was life with Dream. He was the man who saved you. He cared for you, as you cared for him. Your once fiery soul had been extinguished so long ago. You thought it was doomed to forever wonder the black void, until you saw him. The mask that so many fear, but you loved so much. Your fire was relit with thousands of times the blaze compared to what it had before. It's heat being to unbearable for the universe, but instead of traveling it weighed down by chains. Around the fires like a leash, the god know controlled those flames. Those flames now burned for the god and only the god.

They continued to convince themselves that those flames were free forever more...when really, those flames only grew, and never moved…

Word count: 6,038

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