#i may delete this later. [has never done this when i say i'll delete something later]

[monstrsball]

me when i overreact

[posttexasstressdisorder]

Where we go from here...

It took me awhile last evening to get my mind in the right place to do the baking I had to do. I thought I would put on some music on my little radio station to kick my head into work mode. Tried some Glenn Gould playing Bach (always a go-to for morning coffee music), and it didn't hit right.

So I dialed up the huge mix I have titled "1969-72" and almost immediately started the long road back to feeling like myself. After about a half-hour, I was in the groove. Listened to the mix far into the night, after I'd finished working.

I managed to keep my focus and got the cookies all baked, and kiddo's mom happily packed them up and just left for her party, and I'm over here for the next couple of nights, sadly for my back. Two nights of "No Mattress For Old Men" and I'll need a week to recover, but hey...

Wanna thank all y'all for your comments and messages when I posted that I was prolly just gonna go black. Y'all loved me back off the ledge. Posted in a moment of true despair...something I haven't felt in awhile. I am hurting for all of us...and all of you. I have never in my long life been scared for the nation until now. Or at least that's what I thought. This feeling of complete despair, the emotional pain of millions of people, the hopelessness, the fear for the future...after I sat with it awhile I realized yes, that I have felt this same combination of toxic shit before.

In the 65 years I've been on this stinkin' rock, I've been through a number of particularly devastating previous elections, most notably the two Bush2(Dumbya) regimes. I remember the night of the 2004 election...Americans were posting tearful photos taken by their webcams, with them holding up signs saying "We're sorry."

I saw first-hand all the fights for rights that we have gained from the early '60s onward. To find ourselves set back to square one, 50-60 years later, when we had finally gained some footing toward fairness, is cruel. And cruelty is what they will wield as their main weapons in the coming days, as we suddenly find ourselves in the same predicament as 1963-65 when a virginal Joan Baez and little Bobby Dylan changed protest music forever.

So yes, I have felt this same way, and no, the nation didn't die or descend into complete chaos. Our lives went on, essentially as they had, with a growing pile of "things we can't do anymore" heaped atop via the collective wounding of 9/11.

This is another collective wounding--an intentional collective wounding. The next few months are going to be chaotic, they will try to push through their agenda as quickly as possible come january.

I may not post much overtly political stuff from this point on, but if I do it will be refocused on positive news. I don't know for certain how long that might last, but I can't take a 24/7 barrage of bad news and outrage bait. I'm probably gonna unfollow a few blogs, but don't think it's personal...it is Mental/Emotional Health Care.

And yes, I've been in the trenches with y'all a long time...we are all Family at this point...Brothers and Sisters in arms. I'm not leaving, but my presence/role will be different, out of the renewed sense of self-preservation this has thrust me into.

I woke up disoriented, but quickly remembered I'd gotten what I needed to get done done, and had a slow re-entry, sipping my coffee for a couple hours. I kept remembering how well the music had helped me last night, and then the beginnings of what this might turn into began to coalesce. Concepts of a plan. lulz.

As the day went on, I've been on a roller-coaster, emotionally, with seemingly hopeful leads on a roommate not materializing, on top of my craigslist ad for a roomie getting flagged and deleted. Pretty goddamn hopeless as far as this situation is going.

Looked at the huge box of cookies I'd managed to bake last night and it hit me. I've been reblogging the "Gooood Morning, TUMBLR!" graphics every morning up until the election. The image of Robin Williams being in character calling up the role of the military DJ.

Back when I did my cafe in the mountains of NM, a friend lent me a book called "Radio Venceramos", about South American rebels who had a radio transmitter and clamped the leads to the barbed-wire fences to broadcast their signal/programming to their fellow rebels.

Still not sure how the format will work out, but I've decided: my new role is going to primarily be the voice of inspiration over the air-waves to my fellow rebels. Not sure if it will be a second blog or if it will be a continuation of PTSD, but with no further ado, I will become the Voice of my fellow rebels with:

I may make a second blog out of it, but until then I guess I'll make it a series of posts. Tumblr will let you blog up to ten videos/post, and that may be how I start things out. Consider them like stacks of 45s and LP tracks from my paul-shaffer-brain...meant to help keep spirits up and keep the focus.

Made a couple of graphics, will probably try others in the course of it.

So the message today was "You did what you had to do. Heal up for what's ahead."

I will probably start this new focus in the morning...I'm still chewin'.

[sophietv]

The ULTIMATE LSK Thread Of Koincidences

I've decided to piece together all the Koincidences that I could find since fall 2019.

It's easy to not understand LSKs when you haven't seen all the flagging that they've been doing, especially with how the Lover Era went as well as Folkmore. But once you start to piece all those hints together in a timeline, it paints a pretty clear picture.

I've spent hours in both their social medias pages and searching for Timelines done by other amazing blogs on here.

I'll credit when needed and link to the timelines.

I'm used to doing threads on Twitter and posting everything, not just link. I'll do the same here because I've notice that a lot of posts linked into timelines on here were deleted. This way all the informations are in one place.

If there's things that I missed, don't hesitate to tell me and I'll update the thread!

IMPORTANT: I've linked all the important piece of Kaylor Lore when necessary for you to better understand the references. So when there's a (X) beside something, it's a link to more informations about that subject to help you better understand.

August 2019:

August 3rd: Karlie's birthday. Taylor posts the famous Bi Hearts Crispies Treats, that will star in the Lover Lyrics Video later too.

August 8th: Taylor is on the Cover of Vogue.

She is wearing a Cartier Love Ring. Karlie wears one too, she has wore it for a very long time now (years before this article) on her right ring finger.

Right ring finger is used by LGBTQ+ couples for marriage or to indicate that the person is in a serious relationship.

Karlie has been wearing hers a lot more (in almost all her pictures) since summer 2022. (X)

And it's the very definition of Love Locked Down (X)

On the website it says: "Lock in your love forever" (X)

August 16th: Lover is out as a single exactly 13 days after Karlie's birthday The lyrics video is completely filled with Kaylor's references. I did a thread on Twitter (X). Also, Lover lasts 3:41, wich is 143 backwards = I Love You.

August 18:

Karlie was listening to Lover on repeat on Spotify.

It was even reported by Taylor's news accounts on Twitter:

August 22:

Lover MV is out. Taylor uses the You Are In Love lyrics to announced it.

Confirming that it was inspired by those lyrics: "You two are dancing in a snow globe round and round" wich are a reference to VSFS 2013.

I will not do MV analysis in this thread because it will never end if I start. But I'll link them when I have.

Septembre 2019:

Septembre 9th :

Paris City Of Lover Concert.

The mural on the stage is extremely Kaylor Coded.

Here's a post I did about this (X)

Septembre 27th:

Eye theory reference by Karlie on Instagram

Ps: On this thread I'll refer to only the ones I find very clear, because there's so much.

If you don't know about The Eye Theory, it's a piece of lore extremely important. Here's a post I did about it (X).

Septembre 29th:

Karlie does a post leaving Paris and saying "Au Revoir" wich is oddly similar to a post Taylor did in May that year.

Octobre 2019:

Octobre 2nd:

Karlie talks in one of her Klossy video on YouTube about the time she cut her hair short. How at first she was insecure about it.

And she talks about the 2013 VSFS where it was the first time that she walked with her hair short.

And she says that people would come to her to say that they wanted the same haircut.... like Taylor did.

Octobre 29th:

Taylor posts on her Instagram about the International Cat Day. Karlie liked the post. (I'm pretty sure it's the last Taylor's post ever that she'd like).

Novembre 2019:

Novembre 13th:

Kaylor meeting anniversary (X)

Taylor:

The Lover Remix with Shawn Mendez is out.

There's the new line written by Taylor : "Look into my eyes they will tell you the truth, the girl in my story has always been you".

The Lover and the heart on her eye are now gold. (X)

The lyrics video is on a snow globe now, throwback to YAIL.

She announces the new remix all over New York's billboards.

Karlie

She releases a Klossy video where she shows what's on her phone.

And you see a sequence where she answers a group chat nammed BFFs, and Taylor is in it. (You see her Lover Instagram pfp of the time).

Novembre 24th:

Karlie announces on Instagram a new community phone number that you can use to text her.

And if you do... the text you receive says: "all other texts are coming from ME!"...

Also...Eye Theory.

Novembre 25th :

Taylor performs Lover at the AMA.

During the number, there's a ballerina dancing that seems to always want to go toward Taylor but keeps coming back to the man instead.

There's even a moment where she's drawn back to the man and hit him to run back to Taylor, but he brings her back to him.

The Ballerina is Misty Copeland. (and here's the scene described above)

Source of the video: iwanthermidnightz (X)

In April 2017 Karlie said in an interview for Love Magazine with Derek Blasberg that she was fan on Misty Copeland. (X)

Ballet is VERY important for Karlie since she was young.

Misty follows both Karlie and Taylor on Instagram

And in 2021, she wore a "Like a Kloss" shirt on pictures she posted.

Decembre 2019:

Decembre 4th:

Kissgate anniversary (X)

Taylor wears the Victoria Secret Angel Ring.

She wore this ring for the first time on Octobre 23rd 2016, the last time Karlie and Taylor were papped together at an event (Drake's birthday) AKA 2190 days exactly since Midnights release (Glitch).

See my Love Blackout post for more informations (X) She wore it ever since at important events to signal Karlie.

Decembre 10th:

Taylor post Cats promotion on Instagram with picture of her through a giant door.

The next episode of Project Runway, Karlie walks though a giant door the same way for a Cats promo.

Decembre 11th:

Eye Theory post on Karlie's Instagram

Decembre 17th:

Karlie post a video on Klossy where she mentions falconery, seemingly out of context with what she was saying. And put an accent on it by having a Falcon animation.

Wich is interesting because back in August, Taylor released the Lover Lyrics Video with a lot of Kaylor references (see the link I put back in august).

But on that video, there's a reference to their Big Sur second trip (X)

With a picture of Taylor holding a falcon.

Decembre 31st:

Karlie post a collection of her Vogue covers on Instagram.

And there's the one that she did with Taylor. (X)

There you have it!

Fall of 2019.

It's pretty loud but honnestly in the Timeline, it's the less loud period of all.

Things gets REALLY interesting toward 2020-2021 and SUPER loud in 2022 and SCREAMS in 2023.

I'll continue this thread tomorrow but rebloging and adding to it years by years.

If there's things I missed don't hesitate to tell me so I'll add it!

I'll probably edit this to add things if there's things I forgot. I'll note everytime something is added.

This Masterpost helped me make this part (X)

The 2020 Part 1 is ready here (X)

[samkat10423]

Veronaville - sort of

Well, I just got back from a trip to New Orleans and was playing in Twinbrook, but then I saw something online about Veronaville, and figured "Why not?" Now, when I played the Sims 2, I mostly hung out in Pleasantview, with the occasional excursion into Strangetown. Never really did much with Veronaville, because to be truthful I didn't really care for the builds there. So, I am NOT a hardcore Veronaville player. Which is why, I plan on changing things. A lot.

Anyway, there are - to my knowledge - currently 2 versions of Veronaville for the Sims 3, and my personal favorite is the one done by danjaley. Mostly because she has a centralized downtown. She does warn you that hers is a "beta" version, created a long time ago, and that you may have issues.

So, I had planned to steal some lots from Monte Vista to use in this town, but they were all too big. But no matter. I just started editing the ones she had - mostly because I wanted to update the town to use later ep lots. But there wasn't a lot of space. So, what to do.

Today, I decided that since she had used an edited version of Riverview for her town, I'd just open Riverview and plunk her lots down in it - after I got the routing fixes from Mod the Sims. And that's what I did. It took me a week to come to that decision, but oh well.

This first lot is called Pentameter Parkway. In her town, it's on a much smaller lot, so I made a few tiny changes to her build. In my town, I placed it where the military rabbithole was - a 44x44 lot. (That lot I put out where that crazy Cottneye sim has his bunker). The front of the lot is basically the same as she built it.

But in the back of the lot, I placed a small, soccer field. I also widened the main building a tad and added some windows to this side. I think her original lot came to where that crosswalk is on the road.

In her description, she says that this is "a good place for sims to get groceries and mags," so on the one end, I made it into a comic book store. None of this stuff was available when she created her town. Plus, I use CC in my game. Lots of CC.

In the center of the build, I made a tiny grocery store. I thought about placing the rabbithole rug here, but she also created the Veronaville Market, where she placed the grocery RH. So, this store just has the general store register.

Then on the end, I got rid of the bathrooms - I put them into that separate building you see in the 1st picture - and instead, made this into a tiny Asian cafe. I got most of the foods from Sandy over on Around the Sims 3. And viola! One lot finished! Go, me!

Then I went into the island part of town.

This is the bistro lot she created. I did flip the build - mostly because I wanted it to face the street that runs past the city hall. And when I was reconfiguring it a bit, I decided to add that one parking space for the current owner - Antonio Monty. She called it Ristorante Montecci - named after the family who created it. But I figured they all died out and Antonio bought it. If you read his bio, he's having problems keeping it afloat. Sucks to be him.

I also placed a few more lots. But I'll show them to you later. I do want to thank danjaley for all her lovely builds And her commentary on the different lots. A lady after my own heart! She did an amazing job on all of this. I prefer her street and sidewalk surfaces and that she didn't clutter the town with a bunch of streetlights. I had replaced the lights with that one from Monte Vista, but when I switched worlds, I had to delete them. Oh well.

[stargazer-sims]

Journal Entry #52

previously - Journal Entry #51 (part two)

Yuri

Have you ever wished you didn't exist?

I'm not talking about wanting to take your own life or hoping that you'll just fall asleep one night and never wake up. I mean wishing that you actually didn't exist, that you'd never been conceived and born in the first place.

I wish for that.

I'm not sure if I'll post this recording to our journal. I may even delete it from my phone later. The only reason I'm doing this at all is because I'm feeling so frustrated and upset and... I don't know. Worthless. Horrible. Perhaps angry at myself because I can never live up to anyone's expectations for me, not even my own.

Despite the number of times I'm told that I'm enough just as I am, I can't make myself believe it. I notice how people pretend to like me when they don't, and how they're polite and deferential to me because they think I'm too fragile to handle their honest feelings about me. I'm aware of their disapproval and disdain.

In all fairness, though, I can't blame anyone for disliking me. I see the work I create for everyone around me and how much of a burden I am to them. I despise myself for that.

The sad irony is, as much as I don't want to be a burden, not being one seems impossible. I'll never not be chronically ill. There'll be periods when I'm reasonably well, but there'll also be times when I'm too sick to do anything for myself and someone will have to take care of me. That's a reality I can never escape from.

I can guess what some of you would probably say now if you heard this. But, you love all the attention you get, don't you?

I think it’s a natural human response to like receiving attention, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t like it. The truth is, being bathed or fed or massaged feels good, and knowing I have people in my life who’ll do that and so many other personal care tasks for me gives me a certain sense of security. And yes, in the moment, I do enjoy it. The problem is, when the task is done and I’m alone with my thoughts, I start to feel guilty for allowing myself to forget, even for a second, that these things aren’t meant for my gratification. I remember I'm a selfish, awful person for enjoying something that comes at the cost of someone else's time and effort, particularly because I know full well that I can never pay them back.

The thing that bothers me most of all is that the people who do the majority of the caretaking are my mother and Victor. The people I love more than anything, who I want to see happy and who I want to protect are the very ones who suffer the most because of me.

My beautiful, brave, loyal Victor would do anything for me, and I'd move the mountain itself to repay him if I could, but my intention is not enough. I love him with my entire mind, body and soul, but my love is not enough. I don't deserve him, and I don't know why he stays with me, because nothing about me will ever be worthy of someone as good and gentle and selfless as him. Nothing can ever erase the imbalance in what we give each other, and that truth chips away at my heart more and more as time goes on.

Victor says he loves me, and he’s demonstrated it in so many ways that I’d have to be completely detached and indifferent not to believe him. He also says he doesn't mind all the work he has to do, but I'm not so certain about that one. How could it possibly be true that it doesn’t bother him? It's unfair, and I know it's hard on him, being tied down by me all the time. He gave up so much for me, and here I am with nothing of value to give in return.

Sometimes I think it would've been better if we'd never met at all. He could've had a good life without me, chased all his dreams and done everything he'd planned to do.

It's too late now. He's attached to me, and I've ruined his life, and there's no way for me to set him free to reclaim what's left of it without hurting him in the process. I offered that to him once before and it upset him so much that I swore I'd never mention it again, even if I think it'd be in his own best interest to get away from me.

Not that I ever want to be apart from him, you understand, but if I need to choose between his happiness and my own, I'll always want to choose his. It's why I'm willing to move halfway around the world, why I didn't say no when he told me he wanted to keep competing, and why I agreed to the idea of Fox coming here to help us. It's why I acquiesce to most things I'm not entirely comfortable with. Letting him have what he wants without objection is the only currency I can exchange for everything I've taken from him.

If he ever wanted to leave of his own accord, I'd let him have his way there, too. I wouldn't try to force him to stay. If it'd make him happy, I'd let him go even though it would shatter me into a million pieces, even though I'm sure I'd be in pain forever from the grief of such a loss.

Perhaps that would be my penitence. Maybe it's what I truly deserve.

I'm sorry. I probably shouldn't even be recording this. It's nothing but a confused, emotional rant, and if I do end up posting it, I fully expect that anyone who sees it will think even less of me than they already do. It's just that saying it aloud helps, even if I'm only talking to myself. At the very least, I won't lie to myself. Nearly everyone else would tell me whatever they thought I wanted to hear, which is why I've stopped talking to people about my troubles. What would be the point?

Victor says I need to see a professional, and maybe he's right. Maybe I could tell this stuff to a psychologist who isn't part of my life and who could be objective. I doubt there's anything they could realistically do to make me less of an inconvenience. They can't cure my illness or make me physically stronger, and they can't make anyone like or respect me, but I guess they'd be someone who'd listen.

Last night, after Fox left, Victor found me crying in the upstairs bathroom. I might as well admit that I threw up and that I was trying to hide that fact as well as my little breakdown from him. Have you ever tried to throw up quietly? If you discover the secret to doing that, please tell me what it is.

Because I know someone will inevitably ask, the reason I was trying to hide it is because Victor doesn't like seeing me cry. He says it makes him feel helpless. Besides, he's so tenderhearted that if I'm crying, he often ends up crying too, and I don't like seeing him cry either. I'm usually good at suppressing my emotional responses, so I really don't cry all that often, but for the past few weeks it seems I haven't been able to hold anything in. It's another sign of weakness, I suppose; yet another way I've failed him.

He knocked on the bathroom door and called for me several times. When I didn't answer, he simply opened the door and let himself in, exactly as I'd known he would.

I didn't look up at him, and just mumbled, "I'm sorry."

"For what?" he asked. "What's wrong?"

"Everything," I said, because it was the truth. Everything felt wrong, and I was sorry for all of it.

"Uh... you think you could be a little more specific?" Victor crossed the room in a few long strides and sat near me on the floor. "Did you get sick?"

"I think you know I did."

"Okay. But, is there something else?"

"I don't want Fox to come any more," I told him.

"Why? Did something happen?"

I shook my head. I really didn't feel like discussing it, and I didn't think I was in a fit condition to have a decent conversation about anything, much less about that. Besides, how was I supposed to explain to him how inadequate Fox makes me feel? How was I supposed to say that I don’t like how patronizing Fox is, and how I feel humiliated and powerless when he talks to me as if I’m a stubborn child or as if I’m intellectually delayed?

The part I hate the most about having Fox here is how he keeps trying to convince me that I'm not actually as ill as I say I am, like I'm exaggerating my condition for attention and that I'm capable of far more than I'll admit. He seems to be under the impression that all it takes is a little willpower to overcome pain, nausea, muscle weakness, extreme fatigue and all my other symptoms, not to mention anxiety. What he doesn't realize is that I have plenty of willpower, and if it were really that easy, I wouldn’t need somebody like him. I'd have been cured long ago.

He tries to make me do things that are much too difficult, if not impossible, and I can almost never do them without consequences to my mental and physical well-being. Although I push through each task as best I can to avoid a conflict that I know I wouldn't have the stamina to deal with, I almost always feel far worse afterwards. He says he's helping me, and he calls it progress. I call it cruel and unusual torment.

He's supposed to be taking care of me. He's getting paid to take care of me. I think that obligates him to stick to caretaking, and should not extend to pretending to be my friend or to practicing his dubious amateur occupational therapy on me.

But, I couldn't confess any of that, could I?

"No," I said at last. "Everything's fine. I just... I think I can look after myself now."

I couldn't, of course, and I have no idea why I said that. I just didn't know how much longer I could endure the situation as it stood, and I suppose it was a way to get Victor to make Fox leave without me resorting to complaining about him.

Victor pulled at his lower lip with his teeth and gave me a worried look. My husband may be many things, but stupid and imperceptive aren't among them. He saw through me straight away. "Yuri, you can barely make it from your bedroom to here without help. I don't know if you're strong enough to look after yourself yet."

But, for some unknown reason, I persisted. "I'm not going to get any stronger by letting other people wait on me, am I?"

"You know it doesn't work like that," he said. "It's not like physio, where you build up strength in your muscles by exercising them. You're not going to get better by wearing yourself out."

"I'm never really going to get better anyway," I said. "I might as well do what I can, when I can, right?"

"Yes, when you can," he said. "Maybe in a few more weeks, when you—"

"No!" I cut him off mid-sentence. All of a sudden, I felt anger rising up inside me like a wave. It was irrational and relentless, and I felt unable to control it. "I don't want him here. Tell him not to come back."

"No," Victor said. "I'm not going to do that."

I stared at him, admittedly a little shocked. Victor hardly ever says no to me. "But—"

"No," he repeated. "You might not want his help any more, but I think you still need it. And I still need a little help too, until I get this other cast off."

"Helping you is meant to be my job," I said. "It's what i should be doing."

"You have a valid reason not to be doing it."

"But, I should be doing it," I insisted.

"Maybe," he said. "But I know you can't right now, and that's okay."

"I hate this!" I brought the edge of my fist down on the cold bathroom tiles as hard as I could. A jolt of pain shot up my entire arm, and as much as I tried not to wince, I'm sure I must have. "I'm tired of our lives being this way, of me not being able to do anything for you and just being a useless waste of everyone else's energy. I'm so tired of all of it, Victor. I just want it to stop."

Victor was gazing at me with an expression that might have been equal parts sympathy and perplexity. Whatever it was, it seemed obvious he didn't know how to respond. All he said was, "I know."

"No, you don't know!" I retorted. "You have no idea what it's like to be trapped in a body like mine!"

"I guess I don't, but—"

"You don't know what it's like to be exhausted and in pain all the time, or to worry that the slightest change could make it worse. You don't know how it feels to panic every time you realize you have to eat because everything you put into your mouth has the potential to hurt you. And you have absolutely no idea how worthless it makes me feel to not be able to do the simplest things for myself, much less be able to help you."

By the time I'd gotten all that out, I was shaking and crying, and there was nothing I wanted more than to be able to get up off the floor and flee as far away from everyone and everything as I possibly could. I didn't want Victor to look at me in the state I was in. I wanted to disappear, and contrary to what I previously said, in that moment I really did wish that I could go to sleep and not wake up ever again.

Victor reached toward me, like he wanted to pull me into a hug. Any other time, I'd be desperate for him to hold and comfort me, but the thought of him touching me just then was unbearable.

It was all I could do to speak through my tears. "Please, don't."

"But—" He lowered his hands and watched me for what felt like ages before he let out a long breath and tried again. "I think you need to tell me what's really going on."

"Nothing," I said. "Nothing but the same thing that's always going on around here."

"Which is...?"

"You know," I said.

"How about you humour me?”

I scrubbed fiercely at my eyes with the heels of my palms. "I'm tired. I'm tired of... everything. I don't want to keep fighting my own body any more. I don't want to keep pretending that I'm okay and that our situation is okay and that everything's fine when it's not."

"You don't have to pretend anything," he said. "We both know everything's not okay. And like, this is gonna sound like a clich�� or whatever, but it's okay that we're not okay right now. Things will improve soon. They always do."

"No, they don't," I said. "Maybe it seems like that for a while, but we're always going to be caught in this cycle. Unless you decide to do something about it, you’re always going to be stuck with me."

"What do you mean, stuck with you? You make it sound like a chore or something."

"Isn't it?"

"If you're asking if it's a lot of work to take care of you, then the answer is yeah, it is a lot of work. But, it's not a chore. If it was, do you think I'd still be here? ‘Cause that’s what you meant, isn’t it? I’m only really stuck until I’ve had enough and I make up my mind to leave?”

“I’m sorry,” I whispered.

“I’m not going to leave you, Yuri,” he said. “If I didn’t think I could cope with all your health stuff, I wouldn’t have stayed in the first place. I’d have been gone already.”

"Would you?” I said. “If you didn't feel like you had to, would you still stay?”

"You're assuming I feel like I have to.”

“Aren’t you tired too? Don’t you need a break from me and my problems?”

“A break from you? No.” He smiled slightly, but I got the impression it was born of awkwardness rather than a more positive emotion. He gestured vaguely. “It’d be nice to get a break from… this, ‘cause I am pretty wiped out, but that’s not your fault. It’s just real life, you know? I need a break from real life.”

“Me too.”

“Anyway,” he went on. “I told you before, we can get help. I mean, we've got help right now and I'm practically doing nothing, so..."

"But, you would if you could."

"Naturally, I would. You know that. But, I know my limits.”

“Are we close? To your limit?”

“Can you stop for a second, please?” he said. “I don't even understand why you're bringing this up, and I need to know why we’re talking about it. I thought we already settled this. Didn't we promise that we’d stick together through everything?”

"It's... I'm thinking about it for a lot of reasons."

"Such as?"

"Seiji," I said.

“What about him?”

“He came to visit me in the hospital."

"I know."

"He's not my friend,” I stated. The words hurt, or maybe it was the realization behind them that was so painful.

"What are you talking about?” Victor asked. “Seiji is your friend. He loves you."

The things that'd come out of Seiji's mouth the afternoon of his visit had made me question whether he'd ever been my friend. It made me wonder if he, like nearly everyone else, merely tolerated me and was only polite because it'd be socially unacceptable not to be, and now he'd finally grown tired of the pretense. "He thinks I'm a monster," I told my husband. "He was so angry."

“A monster? He didn’t really say that.”

“He did.”

"He brought you mochi," Victor said, his confusion evident in his tone. Clearly, Seiji hadn't mentioned anything to him about what had taken place.

For a few heartbeats, I paused, trying to decide if I should continue or not. Finally, I replied, "Yes, he brought me mochi, but I have no idea why. I don't even know why he came, because all he did was tell me what a terrible person I am. He thinks your accident was my fault."

"It wasn't," Victor said. "He's wrong about that."

"Perhaps, but I don't think he's wrong about everything else."

"Everything else. What's included in 'everything else'?"

"He said I don't deserve you. He said... he said you could've done better than me and that I'm holding you back. He said I'm hurting you just by being with you, and that if you're unhappy, it's my fault." I stopped at that point because I could feel tears starting to sting my eyes again and my chest was starting to feel tight.

What Seiji had said wasn’t anything new to me. I’d thought of most of it on my own, long before that. But, hearing the words coming from someone else caused them to strike home all that much harder.

“He’s wrong,” Victor said. “He knows I’m not unhappy. I told him that myself. And you’re not holding me back from anything.”

“I feel like I am.”

“You’re not. I’m doing everything I want to do,” he said. “Yeah, I gave up some stuff, but it’s not like you forced me to. Coming here when i did was my choice. I could’ve waited, but I didn’t want to.”

“Do you regret it?”

“Do you want the honest answer?”

“Yes.”

“It’s like I told you before,” he said. “Sometimes I wish I’d done things differently or made different choices, and sometimes I feel sad or angry about it, but I don’t think I’d call it regret. I love you, and I was determined that I was gonna be with you sooner or later, and if that involved a few sacrifices, I’d say they were worth it.”

“But, what about me? I haven’t sacrificed anything for you.”

“You don’t think so?”

I shook my head. “I suppose I had nothing to give up, in any case.”

“Sacrificing doesn’t necessarily mean you literally give something up. Sometimes it’s like, metaphorical or whatever. Like, I think it took a massive amount of courage for you to let me move in with you. You could’ve said no, but instead of letting your fear tell you what to do, you took a risk."

“That doesn’t seem like much of a risk."

"In hindsight maybe, but think about how you felt at the time."

"I wanted you to come," I said. “And I didn't give up anything compared to what I got out of it.”

“I got a lot out of it too,” he said. “It’s not as unequal as you think.”

“What do you get out of it?”

“I got you. You’re amazing, whether you believe it or not.”

“That’s not an answer." There was an edge to my voice that I didn't like, but once the words were out, there was nothing I could do. "That's the sort of thing you say when you can't think of anything."

“Okay, fine," Victor responded. "You need me to be specific?"

"Can you be?"

"Yeah, I can," he said. "You’re my voice of reason. You help me make good decisions, and you always know how to calm me down when I’m too hyper and the noise in my brain is really bad. You teach me stuff all the time, and you do your best to take care of me.” One side of his mouth twitched in what might’ve been an ironic smile he was trying to keep at bay. “Maybe even when you shouldn’t.”

"I'm sorry."

"Why are you saying that?"

"Because everything you just described... it's nothing. An acquaintance could do all that."

"You think I'd trust just any random acquaintance with my secrets? You think I'd let them into my personal space? Or let them do the stuff you did for me after my accident?"

"You let your mother and stepfather do it."

"Yuri, they're my parents. Well, Julian's not exactly my parent, but you know what I mean. I trust them just as much as I trust you, and if you don't think that much trust counts for anything, then... I don't know what else to tell you."

"I'm sorry."

"Stop saying that!" he exclaimed.

The sharpness of his tone startled me, and totally against my will, I lost the battle to hold my tears back any longer. "I've tried so hard," I said. "But, I just... I can't be what you need. I'll always be the one taking more than I can give, and nothing I ever do will be enough. Seiji is right. You deserve so much more than I can ever offer you."

He was silent for a long time after that, but finally he said. "Do you even know what I need?"

I didn't respond. How could I? The challenge in his tone was so obvious, there was no mistaking its implication. If I answered anything other than no, it'd be the wrong answer. He was compelling me to admit my failure as a partner, but what was the point? We both understood that much already.

I closed my eyes and lowered my head. The pain I felt in my heart was a thousand times greater than anything I'd ever experienced in my body, and one thought drowned out all the others, playing in my brain on repeat.

I want all of this to end.

[rosetheex-editor]

[Begin video transcript.]

[Transcript begins from the floor, the camera propped up with an object facing someone's pant legs. Random boxes in the background, the room has almost no lighting, with the exception of a small light shining barely out of frame.]

?: I think I’m done with watching, Rose.

[Voice unidentified: Please try again later.]

?: I don’t believe there is a future for the foundation. Not with Showfall running everything.

?: Dude… What the fuck are you talking about?

[Voice identified: Rose.]

?: You don’t know what I’ve seen… What Showfall keeps in those damn tunnels. Something beyond my scope. Beyond what I could even conceive. I’ve seen the face of the Devil.

R: Dude I…-

?: I went into the tunnels… God, how long has it been? Fuck… months?

R: WHY? Why though?

?: Well I went there to try and find Edgar. Mostly since it’s kind of my job… was… but I also-.

R: Also what?

[The legs in frame unsteadily shift weight]

?: How long do you think he had planned it? I mean, I know there was a plan. I just didn’t think he would actually… I mean, surely he was just putting on a show, right? That’s what you showfall bunch are all about? Playing characters?

R: No… And if you say something like that again I'll kick your ass.

?: Right.

...

?: Rose, do you think Edgar killed himself because of me?

[Rose sighs.]

R: No, I think he did it because he felt there was no other way, it was die or be showfall's forever plaything to him I feel.

?: …Maybe it was for the best then. Maybe Edgar made the right choice. I would’ve done the same, knowing what I know now. Seeing what I’ve seen.

R: Dude… I… Can I show you something, maybe it will help… Maybe it won't.

?: You’re not going to kill me?

R: No you dumb motherfucker, you haven't given me a reason to.

?: Hm. I never understood you, Rose. I can stand on my own, for a bit at least.

R: Dude… I- Ok storytime I guess. Wanna know why I'm not scared of the security?

?: I suppose not. Where are you going with this?

R: They made me into one. I uh… Don't fucking like talking about it, but if it helps so be it huh?

[The figure shifts their weight again]

R: So. I uh… Hm, it uh was when I died? Or well… I didn't die cuz the gunshot didn't instantly kill me. Oh uh… Yeah my gun backfired on me once, anyway. Yeah a uh woman named Mai dragged my body, turned me into one of those… Things and threw me in the forest.

?: Things? You mean what I saw… That horrible amalgamation of man and machine…?

R: Yeah they uh… God, I'm really going to bring this up to the person who stalked me for months.

[Rose sighs and begins walking to sit in frame.]

R: They… Made my sister into one, it uh… I don't actually fully know if she's even… There anymore

[Rose's legs seemingly move, as she tries to pull something out of her pocket.]

?: You had a sister? They never mentioned that in your files. They must have deleted her off of their databases entirely. I’m sorry for your loss.

R: I don't… Fully think she's dead, I have some hope?

?: That’s good. Hope is the fuel that keeps us burning. It’s how I survived for so long down there. I only ever planned to be gone for a week at most, but I had no idea how big those tunnels were. I had no idea those… things existed. We have no record of any of Showfall’s experiments. And yet they’re essentially our only clients.

?: But I don’t think it matters anymore, now that I know. I’ll try and see if I can un-fuck the watcher program, show them my findings, but… I think it’s over. Showfall has so much more power than I ever realized. Even if we wanted to completely raid the premises, we would stand no chance against those things.

?: It’s only a matter of time before Showfall takes over the Watcher Program. We have held our technology over their head for too long

R: Great… MORE shit to worry about.

?: It won’t be the first time they’ve done this, you know. Showfall has some dark history. Their money is dirty, worse than ours even. We always knew Showfall was ahead of us technologically, but I had no idea they were doing this.

[Rose sighs again.]

R: Wanna know something?

?: Sure, hit me.

R: When I escaped. I had a whole plant on my back. These fuckers did not catch me.

?: Like, a regular potted plant?

R: No. A potted plant in a backpack. They might have been busy with other rebels but like… Dude.

?: That is a rather impressive oversight.

[Rose looks over to her phone, finally noticing the camera.]

?: Has that been recording me?

R: Showfall tech. I hate you SO MUCH.

[End transcript.]

[itscominghome]

More Than Anything

Requested by: @lottievieira27

Summary: You moved over to London from your home in Brazil to get sports physiotherapy experience with Chelsea FC. Your visit made permanent when you meet your now boyfriend, Kepa Arrizabalaga. After living there for two years, you decide it's time to go back home and see your family for Christmas. And this time, Kepa comes with you.

Based at Christmas 2021

Notes: This whole request was completely deleted from my drafts for some reason. The anguish I went through whilst rewriting half of this was insane, so I'm sorry if there are mistakes and typos or the writing is sloppy.

"Kep?" I call out as I see my boyfriend walk past the living room door.

"Yes, mi amor?" he replies, taking a few steps back and popping his head around the doorframe.

"So, you know how I'm going back to Brazil for Christmas," he nods his head, "well, I was thinking-"

"Oh, that's a dangerous thing," Kepa replies with a smirk, I glare at him, feigning offence.

"Anyway, as I was saying before I was rudely interrupted. Would you want to come with me and meet my family?" Kepa's face lights up.

"Really!? Yeah! Of course I'll to come with you!"

So, that's how, a month later, we were both on a plane, on our way to Rio. My head was rested his shoulder and his head on mine. We were both woken up by the bumps of the runway and my excitement only intensified. Both excited to see my family again, and to introduce them to my boyfriend.

The entire walk to my parents was spent with my hand tightly intertwined with Kepa's. The cold causing us to huddle together as we walk for warmth. Kepa and I had been together for just over a year now. We'd met at Chelsea, where I was getting work experience for sports physiotherapy and at his first session with me, we had completely hit it off. I was decently close with all of the Chelsea team, but me and him, we just had that extra bit of chemistry. That better connection. So when Covid had hit and the country went into lockdown, we'd agreed to live together so neither of us were alone. And within three months, things just slotted into place. It had all been in the public eye from quite early on. Kepa is quite territorial, wanting everyone to know I was his, though he knew it didn't stop the lingering looks from guys at parties. The press and Chelsea fans didn't originally agree with our relationship, claiming it to be unprofessional having a player and a physiotherapist together from the same team. Tuchel had no problem with it though, so we continued. After a few months the press and fans had changed their mind on our relationship, enjoying how open we were about being together and loving all the cutesy content they would receive.

I had met Kepa's family in the Christmas of 2020 and I loved every second of my time spent over in Spain. His mum and I had gotten on very well, her telling me as we cooked dinner one night that she thought I was 'the best thing that had ever happened to her son'. We had never talked about it directly, but of course I knew about the split held had from his long-term girlfriend of the time. She had told me how hard it had been for him and how much I'd helped him get his confidence back. Though, I know he'd done that all by himself, he just needed that little bit of a push.

Knock. Knock. Knock. The door had flung open almost immediately and I was greeted by both of my parents. My mum pulled me into a tight hug, as did my dad when she pulled away. After the greetings between myself and my parents, I began to introduce Kepa who was stood just out of sight.

"Mãe, pai, I have someone I'd like you to meet," I say as Kepa moves to stand by my side, "This is Kepa, my boyfriend," I finish with a sense of pride, smiling up at him. My face changes very quickly as he starts to speak Portugese.

"Ei, é muito bom finalmente conhecer vocês dois*," I stand there with a look of confusion, brows furrowed and nose scrunched up a little bit. He shakes my father's hand. My Mum is smiling widely, I always knew she would like Kepa, but I also knew that my Dad would need more convincing.

"É um prazer conhecê-lo também, nós ouvimos tudo sobre você" he replies.

"Yeah, I haven't quite got that far yet," Kepa laughs back as my mum pulls him into a hug, kissing both of his cheeks in greeting. After the initial introduction, we're invited in, engulfed by the warmth of the house.

"So, the most expensive goalkeeper in the world, eh?" My dad questions as we talk about Kepa's football career.

"Yes sir, but unfortunately I've been on the bench for a while, I had a bit of a knockback, but I'm getting better. And it's all because of your daughter," he replies, smiling fondly at me.

"I've not done anything really, it was all you, I've just been there to support you,"

"Yeah, and that's what I've needed, and you gave me it without second thought,"

After a few hours of talking, it was starting to get late and everyone was starting to get hungry.

"Y/N/N, can you come and help me prepare some food?" my Mum asks and of course I comply. Within maybe ten minutes, I have Kepa stood behind me, resting his chin on my shoulder, pressing a tender kiss to my lips occasionally. My mum gushes over it all as we continue to cook.

"Kep, babe, why don't you go back into the living room, have a beer with my Dad or something, talk about football?" He pouts a little bit, not wanting to leave my side, but does eventually go back into the other room, reluctantly.

"Your dad really likes him, you know?" My mum says with a smile, "So do I, he clearly loves you a lot." I smile at the ground almost shyly.

"He's good for you, and by the sounds of it, you're good for him. We've seen all the stuff the press has said. And The Sun, oh they just love to rip into your relationship even a year later, and you've stayed strong through it all. You're meant for one another. And me and your dad know that we aren't going to see you all the time anymore because you've found him, but we also understand that you've grown up and you leaving Brazil permanently to be with him, it is going to be one of the best decisions you'll ever make. He makes you so happy, and we can see that in the way you look at each other. He adores you."

After dinner, we had moved back into the living room, Kepa still sucking up and telling both me and my mum how delicious the food had been. I'd tried telling him how much my family already loved him, but his aim to please was too high. When we had sat back down, I cuddled up to my boyfriend on one of the couches, sat opposite my parents. Him and my dad were in deep conversation about his time at Chelsea, his life back in Spain, just making an effort to get to know each other, my Mum occasionally getting involved. My eyes started to get heavy, so I just let them slowly close. I don't know how long I had been asleep for, but when I woke back up, my head had been moved to Kepa's lap and his fingers ran softly through my hair. I hadn't opened my eyes yet, catching onto the current conversation going on whilst they thought I was asleep.

"Do you love her?" My Dad asks. And without missing a beat, Kepa replies.

"Mais do que nada*,"

*Ei, é muito bom finalmente conhecer vocês dois = Hey, it's nice to finally meet you both.

*Mais do que nada =

More than anything.

[talkfantasytome]

Going to delete ask posts that directly linked other people's posts, based on this feedback and suggestion (which I thoroughly appreciate!), as I'm not trying to point fingers at anyone or directly tell a specific person they're wrong. I'll repost the general content, with a summary of what was asked, starting with this post.

Anon Ask: Some people are saying that SJM has confirmed Vassien by saying that she'd like to do retellings of firebird legends, swan lake, and Vasilisa the Beautiful, using some shots of her comments. What are your thoughts on this? And the time on facebook that Sarah said E\ain and Lucien have a lot of "tension, growth, and healing to be found (together)".

The most important thing to consider here is timeline. Both of the twitter shown were made in April of 2015. The first one is, honestly, fairly irrelevant. First of all, she's just saying fairy tales she might like to retell. And, for the record, she has also said she'd like to do a retelling of The Little Mermaid, yet often people disregard that as an argument for Gwynriel. So, either her comments on what she'd like to do a retelling of matter, or they don't.

And, if they're saying that those comments are foreshadowing a Vassa + Lucien book, then clearly The Little Mermaid comments are foreshadowing a Gwynriel book. And then...where's E\ain's?

E\ain is getting a book, so which fairy tale gets the short straw?

Or, maybe, the story won't be exactly like the fairy tale.

I do think that both of those comments are important, but Sarah said she wants to do a retelling.

That could literally mean anything. All that tells us is that she will take themes and ideas from the story. I'm not saying Vassa won't be important in a later book, but Sarah can retell the story any way. She could have Vassa betray E\ain, get Koschei to transfer the curse over to the middle Archeron, and now E\ain is the swan on the lake (cause, come on, E\ain's def. a bit swan-like), and Lucien has to rescue her. Or, maybe Jurian is the one that rescues Vassa while Lucien and E\ain deal with Koschei?

There are so many options in a retelling that to say SJM telling us she wants to do a retelling of these stories is a clear sign that Vassa + Lucien are endgame is, honestly, not a very critical analysis.

I'm going to address this tweet next:

This twitter exchange happed April 30, 2015. ACOMAF was published in May of 2016. This post can not be used as foreshadowing of Vassa + Lucien, because it happened before we found out E\ain and Lucien are mates. That "at some point further down the road" literally means "any time after book 1".

People keep using this tweet and presenting it as if Sarah's response came recently. They're spreading misinformation - it may not be purposeful, they may not have seen or noticed the date, but this twitter exchange can't be used as proof that Lucien's person has to be someone other than E\ain, because when it was made we did not know about the Lucien and E\ain possibility.

That doesn't mean it definitely is talking about E\ain, but my point is that this is not proof of Vassa + Lucien, of someone else + Lucien, because of when it was posted.

As for other comments on retellings Sarah would like to do - it's the same argument as the first one. Sarah said she wants to do a retelling of the firebird and swan like. We all know this. It's not new information. People who are saying Vassa + Lucien won't happen aren't ignorant of this fact. We're well aware, and we're also well aware of every other thing Sarah has said, mentioned, foreshadowed, and we're tying it all together. Focusing solely on stories Sarah has mentioned she'd like to retell - not confirmed she will retell - and ignoring everything else doesn't provide a solid analysis. You have to weave how those stories would fit into the grander scheme, and look at the other surrounding factors as well.

And, again, we need to remember that Sarah can do whatever the hell she wants in terms of the story and how she chooses to retell a fairy tale. I mean, how often is Little Red Riding Hood turned into a werewolf story? And sometimes even Red is the wolf?

Writers use fairy tales as a base, a foundation, but then they make it their own. No writer is going to tell the fairy tale exactly how it first was. They're going to adjust it...a lot...to make it their own story.

I'd also like to point out that both times she mentions Vasilisa, she says "Vasilisa the Beautiful". The first time she also said 'the Brave', but the second, solely 'Beautiful'. Vassa is beautiful, of course, but one of E\ain's defining characteristics is her beauty. Even in ACOSF it was again mentioned, discussed, about how her beauty made others hate her.

Could Vassa be Vasilisa...of course. However, I think people are a bit blinded by the similarities in names. Remember, Vasilisa the Beautiful wasn't the firebird - those are different stories. And, honestly, after doing a bit of research into the tale, I'm starting to get more and more sure of the thought that the character who would portray Vasilisa is E\ain.

I think I'm going to do a post on it...

In the later comment on retellings she'd like to do - which we know came after the first as the first came out in August 2015 and that story she's telling was given after the second set of books was confirmed - I also find it interesting that she said Vasilisa the Beautiful (specifically) and Swan Lake, subbing out the firebird.

Why would she do that? Perhaps because she's already brought in the firebird pieces she planned to bring in. We already know that retelling, and how it's come to play. Vassa is a firebird by the curse.

I'm not saying it couldn't end in a Swan Lake thing, as that is what the curse reminds me of. But, personally, I think the fact that she's saying Swan Lake now is also symbolic of something more, possibly another character getting trapped by Koschei.

As for the other piece you asked about, I don't have much to say about it, because it feels like the closest we'll come to an elucien confirmation.

That was also posted a while ago, back when ACOMAF came out. So, it's not like this is recent information Sarah is providing us. However, we know that Sarah can sometimes end up choosing endgame based on gut and things that just hit her. Cassian and Nesta - literally didn't know about them until she wrote them on the same page and was like "oh shit". So Sarah saying that she and Lucien didn't see E\ain coming...I'm sorry, but that feels almost more telling than even the next part of the sentence - where she says they have growing and healing to do together.

That's so huge. And we haven't seen that yet. We've only really seen the tension.

Sarah said this back when ACOMAF came out. And it was around writing or publishing ACOWAR that she got the okay for the second set of books (I think?). Which means she was likely thinking about the longer-term stories before that. Which would explain why we didn't get that growth and healing in ACOWAR.

Instead, she left them in a spot where it seemed like a possibility, and then for the later books has just added more tension. But that journey is still there. She's had it planned for so long. And yes, maybe she could change her mind, but we only know of two cases where she did just that:

Az and Mor

Nesta and Lucien

For Az and Mor it was because she decided to make Mor bisexual and unable to be in an emotional relationship with a male. This was due to complaints over diversity. It's the closest Sarah's probably come to 'fanservice' - except, admittedly, this is so not fanservice. Fanservice is doing something like, say, having Voldemort and Bellatrix have a secret love child despite the fact that Voldy never once came off as having any form of romantic or sexual feelings for her or anyone, ever. (Seriously, that guy was asexual and that is a hill I'll die on.)

Adjusting a character due to legitimate complaints and concerns on diversity, not just fanservice. It's more a full on social service, really, to try and provide that representation better. Yes, it wasn't done in the best way, but she did make an attempt.

The second one - Nesta and Lucien. That was her general plan, until she put Nesta and Cassian on page together. Then it all went out the window. Just like all of Nesta's thoughts when she saw Cassian. Just like Cassian's entire brain when he saw Nesta. 👀

And we get it, because we see it too.

So, while Sarah could have changed her mind about E\ain and Lucien, the only reasons she'd do that don't yet apply. She's already made a change for the diversity complaints, and I don't see her doing that with these two. As for finding out they actually belong with someone else when she sees them on page - well, that hasn't happened yet. She made the E\ain + Lucien decision after we see E\ain and Azriel interact, so clearly Az is not that for E\ain. And we've seen Lucien and Vassa on page together. There's nothing there except Lucien being pained about her curse - which, yeah, she's his friend. How often is one IC member described as looking pained for another? Or thinks about how much it hurt them to see their friend hurt?

But we know what it looks like when the chemistry is so undeniable it will adjust Sarah's plans. And if you're not sure - go back and read all the Nessian scenes in ACOMAF. And then see the one scene where Lucien and Vassa are on page together - I think you'll find there's another male there that, with Vassa, rings closer to the Nessian home.

There was no on page chemistry between Vassa and Lucien, and certainly not enough to change Sarah's mind. Which would also mean E\ain already wasn't meant for Az, which is likely why no one arguing for Vassa + Lucien seems to care as much about that, because most people who ship them are already dead set on E\ain + Azriel.

So, there you have it, my point of view/rant on those two pieces. But it's always important to look at the context of a post, and especially the "source material" people use to provide proof. It's why I tend to stick to the text where I can, and only use SJM statements that don't have an expiration date to their importance. SJM saying something about how she loves happily ever afters, for example, no expiration date. SJM telling us in 2015 that there is someone special for Lucien down the road - an expiration date after the first sign of a possible love interest for Lucien. Once E\ain was declared to be his mate, that statement became irrelevant, because regardless of whether it will be E\ain or not, you can no longer state that it's clearly hinting at someone else, since E\ain is a love interest for Lucien.

[hetalia-reacts]

So it's been 2 weeks has passed and the darling hasn't reacted to the punishments the Allies has been giving them, and if anything has been ignoring them ( basically any punishment the boys throw at them has no effect ). Another 2 weeks has passed, but to the boys surprise this seems to get a new reaction out of the darling. With every passing day the boys goes out an kills innocent people( y'know to pile more work on the darling ); and the more people they kill the more panicky, agitated, worried, and scared the darling becomes. The darling keeps pleading them to stop and let them do their job, warning them if they don't stop they'll regret it. The boys doesn't listen, if anything they'll relish in the feeling. One of world most powerful creature is finally submitting to them. How delicious, yet pathetic. It's been 4 days since then, and darling still pleads and begs them to stop and let them go. Around this time the boys are just getting home and is about to go check on their darling. But then they stop when they heard some muffled voices in the darling's room. Did the darling somehow contact someone to help her escape!!! And to think they was about to let her off of punishment! Well I guess that won't be happening any time soon. When to boys got to the room; the darling was on their knees and it looked like they were praying, and on in the center of the room was a very bright light and. The boys couldn't believe it, it was.... God. The darling was constantly apologizing about how they could let all of this happen and how the regretting meeting the boys in the first place. God has forgiven the darling and said it wasn't their fault. God has broken their remaining bounds the darling had around their hands and feet. The darling wasted no time running out of the room and unleashing their beautiful black and white wings. But before they full ran out of the room, the darling gives them a pity yet angry glance. " I tried to warn you. I just hope when Grimmy ( it's the nickname for the grim reaper. The darling works very close with them and is extremely close with them ) get here, they'll go easy on you. " Then the darling flies away. Now that's left in room was the boys and God. God tells them what they did was unacceptable and that it doesn't matter that they love the darling to much, and that they darling plays a huge role between life, death, and the afterlife; and that they could of messed up something. And all the lives they took and the sins they've committed, He'll have to punish them. After when God said that, the boys help a uncomfortable chill ran down their spine. Then the room has gotten darker all of a sudden. Out of the corner of the boys eye they saw a skeleton hand reach into the corner of the door. Then the light flickered off for a second. The hand wasn't there anymore. But then the boys felt a presence behind them. Turning around they saw a 9 foot ( almost 10 foot ) tall skeleton looming over them, they were wearing a pitch black cloak in. It was the.Grim.Reaper. After that nothing can prepare them for what they boys went through, it was worse than literal hell. Let's just say the boys regret killing all those people and they did to the darling. ( This part 2 the Angle of Death ask ) Also this is what the darling looks like.

This is my OC. So minus the hair, eyes, face, body. I'll just leave it to the other readers imagination

I was unsure if this was an ask, like a part two for me to write, or simply just you explaining what happens next and what the reader is supposed to look like. So I'll do their reactions to getting punished and what their punishments are. Also, I summed up what you wrote in a more story-like format instead, I hope you don't mind! If you do let me know either through messages or through another ask and I'll delete what I wrote and simply leave your ask posted! Everything is below the cut due to length~

2 entire weeks have passed since the initial punishment. 2 weeks of no souls being taken care of. But that's okay, it doesn't affect you yet. You can handle this, you won't give them what they want: a reaction. They come down every day, bloodied with an innocent person's blood, but you won't say anything, won't react. This angers them. Another agonizing 2 weeks pass. They were getting tired of you not doing anything other than taking the food and water they gave to you. Today is different though. You're fidgety, feisty, and overall look terrified. They assume the punishment is working. They can't help but feel pride at watching you beg and cry for them to stop killing people, to let you at the very least reap their souls and come back. It's exhilarating, delectable. The power they feel bringing you, an Angel of Death, to such a state is a rush they could get addicted to. Your pathetic attempts to threaten them saying "something bad will happen if you don't stop this," were enjoyable to some degree as well. How sad their little caged Angel had become. 4 days later they come home, your voice seems to echo from where they left them. What happened? Who were you talking to? How did you contact someone? Regrettable that this happened, you were acting so good before this and he was honestly considering letting you out early for good behavior. He barges into the room where his darling is. You were praying to a bright light, a bright light that was near the center of the room. It appeared to be some entity. No, it wasn't just some entity, it was God himself. His darling was apologizing to him, saying you didn't mean to let this happen, sorry for not being strong enough to stop him, and the biggest stab to his heart, you were apologizing for even getting to know them in the first place. He watched as the chains released their holds on your ankles and wrists and you wasted no time in stretching out your gorgeous wings and walking towards an exit to the outside. You only turned to look at them for a second, deep sorrow and intense anger in your eyes. "I tried to warn you (___). I just hope Grimmy is able to show you some mercy when he gets here." You then flew away after that, leaving him alone with God. He looks disappointed, explaining that love won't be a good enough excuse to save him from his very own punishment. He had disrupted the work of Heaven and Hell, killed innocents simply out of spite, and he must atone for those crimes. God leaves in a flash of bright white, leaving him in a now dark room, a chill traveling up his spine as he soon feels a presence in the room. He catches the boney hand of something out of the corner of his eye. As he turns to see it clearly, he sees a giant skeleton draped in a black robe reach out a boney hand to take him. He has never been through a worse hell than this.

2p America (Allen)

Allen is regretful while he is taken to his punishment. He knows he deserves it, he went a little crazy from the power he had over you. And now that your gone, never to return to him, he feels like this is a just end to his empty life. His punishment is among the worst. The Grim Reaper makes Allen live out what he did to those innocent souls as well as suffer the same punishments he had ever given to you. He will eventually go mad, and if you were to spare him and see him, it would simply make him go deeper into insanity and depression.

2p Canada (Matt)

Out of all of them, he feels like he is the least deserving of this. He hadn't made you suffer, or kept you locked away. He may not have let you go far without him, but he didn't completely stop you from doing your job. I can see Matt being regretful, but not for long. Only for as long as he feels he really deserved. His punishment is by far the least painful. The Grim Reaper makes him suffer in a more creative way, he was to watch what could've been. As someone who was usually always gentle with you, it pains him to watch what his life could've been if he had just stayed patient and lenient.

2p England (Oliver)

Oliver is a tough one to crack in this case. He's already insane for the most part so nothing really scares him while he is being taken to his punishment. Oliver also really can't see what he's done wrong. He isn't regretful for what he did, at least not to those people. His punishment is hard to decide. In the end, Oliver is tortured by leaving him alone. He will wait for eternity alone, no one to speak to, nothing to do, he will rot away forever until even his facade of sanity is no longer there to keep him company.

2p France (Francois)

Francois has no complaints. He figures this is just another bad thing to add to his miserable existence. He's partially regretful for what he did to you. He knows he shouldn't have snapped at the end of the day and that getting a power trip wasn't like him and he should've caved sooner. However, in the end, he's still selfish and he figures you should've been careful, he did warn you about his dislikes after all. Francois's punishment is to take away his peace. He will be driven insane by noise. He's the only one to be let back out into the human world again. Francois is now constantly plagued by noise, and any vice or sin he commits (drinking, smoking, killing) the noise will only get louder.

2p Russia (Viktor)

Viktor is not at all regretful. He doesn't care at all. Viktor is one that would actively try to fight against The Grim Reaper. Of course, he fails at this. Viktor's punishment is similar to what he did to you. He is left alone with other punished souls in a type of confinement. Viktor will be subjected to years of push and pull tactics. He will come to fully rely on The Grim Reaper or whoever is watching over the souls, flushing his pride and intelligent mind down the drain.

2p China (Zao)

Zao is deeply regretful to some degree. He feels he disrespected you, your job, and your boss. This is something he never wanted to do as he honors respect deeply. On the other hand, he isn't regretful for punishing you, he still believes wholeheartedly that you deserved it, just maybe not to the degree he took it. Zao's punishment is similar to Viktor's. Zao has a deep sense of honor, of pride, and he is punished by spending eternity being taunted, teased, beaten, and spit on. This is another one where he would go absolutely insane and become a whole other person. If you ever took the time to see him you would not recognize the man in front of you, and he wouldn't recognize you either.

[hotchley]

hey sumayyah! i saw your sign!! I'm writing the JJ & Emily parts of the really out of the blue and shitty mini-whatever it is 💀 and hopefully I'll figure out how to shorten it or something lmaoo

but i wanted to come here and talk for awhile i guess

it's like, 2am where i am right now and I'm just so drained mentally like idk i can't seem to focus on getting all my work done (school work) and i just submitted a fake corrupted file to pass off as my homework because i haven't been able to finish it (it's not graded or anything it's just 2 biology practice papers for revision for the upcoming exam but they're really long & biology is not my strong subject......)

like I'm 60-70% done on both papers and yeah i feel so bad for doing what i did and i am still planning on finishing those 2 papers (both as legitimate practice/revision & just in case my teachers do check and decide to ask me to resubmit/send them the file through another channel) and idk i obviously can't really talk to any one in school about this so i came here.... sorry for this bout of negativity i just feel so drained inside and it's not even the first time.... I'm on my break right now (mid years break) but my break is ending in roughly 4-5 more days? and I've felt unmotivated and horrible throughout the entire break idk :/ idk if this is just burn out or something else.... I've been planning on finding a therapist/professional to talk to? but 1. i can't exactly do it "openly" because i come from a rather conservative family and mental health issues (& sexuality etc) aren't things we talk about in my family.... and 2. I'm still a full-time student & I'm not sure of what services are available + the costs and all the other concerns? so like idk I'm not even sure where to start :(

and because I've been feeling like cr*p most of the time the last 3 weeks, I've done absolutely nothing & so i have TONS of school assignments piled up (those that were due during the break I've finished (somehow lmao) and submitted, but those that are due AFTER the break when school reopens.... i have completely not touched) & the worst thing is I'm not even entirely sure what's my entire workload.... so i definitely have to start seriously getting my work done from tomorrow (technically today) onwards.... but like i genuinely have a hard time focusing on work and I'm not sure if it's just my issues with procrastination or if i have a genuine illness or something and i don't want to self diagnose so I've been trying to not think about this but lately it's been so hard because i can't even finish my work on time and exams are coming and it's just really affecting me? and it's getting worse? i don't even have anyone i can truly talk to about this irl too and SKDJSKSNS idk 😭😭

i am SO SORRY for all the negativity!!!!! i just felt so alone and really had to vent somewhere i am so sorry, feel free to delete this ask if you're uncomfortable 🥺

i hope you're having a much better day/night and i love you ❤️ your blog (& cm Tumblr) is really giving me hope & keeping me alive, if i can put it that way 🥺♥️♥️ thank you for being you, and thank you for simply existing. I'm sorry things got so depressing all of a sudden lmao I'll be fine (eventually, probably)

- 🌙

I feel like my answer got long, so I put it under the cut :)

YAY!

Also, I did see this when you initially sent it, but I'm working on boundaries and priorities, which is why I didn't answer it then- I just needed a break <3

Look, you're learning during a pandemic that has disrupted everything and caused a lot of pain and stress. One corrupted file does not make you a bad student. You're still going to try.

There were so many days during lockdown where I just... didn't submit any work, and then I would submit it later saying the thing broke- which seemed believable because the thing we used never functioned properly.

And we cannot be happy or perfect all the time. Sometimes we need to share our problems. I have always said you can talk to me, it just may take me a few days depending on my own situation, and I stand by that.

Sometimes breaks just make us more miserable. Sometimes it is just genuinely a phase that you will snap out of. Sometimes it isn't. Either way, you need to let yourself feel this. Don't try and bury it. That'll be worse.

So when it comes to therapists, if you've been thinking of seeing one, go for it. Chances are, it'll help.

I get what you mean. I don't know what it's like where you are, but in England, everyone over 16 has control over the medical stuff. That basically means your parents cannot be told what you're doing, and you can do things without their knowledge. If I wanted to make an appointment, I wouldn't need to tell them I was making it, or what was discussed. Neither can the doctors.

I asked one of my friends (I have consent to share this), and she said that she went through the BetterHelp website, and that it's really helping her. Now I know BetterHelp had some real serious problems, so I would be cautious, but that is one option. Hers is between £50-£60 a session, but there were cheaper options.

You could also go through your school!! My school has what is called a "well-being practitioner" who you can just go and see when you're feeling down, and it all remains confidential UNLESS they think intervention is needed. So you could see if there are any sessions they do, or if there's any help you can get from them :)

I have seen SO, SO many teachers on TikTok recently say two things: ask them for help if you need it, and they will give it, and just do something. I don't know what you're teachers are like, but they're probably stressed and burnt out too. If you need an extension or a break or help, they'll do their best.

And if you can't do everything, then just do one thing. Do your favourite subject, or the easiest thing. I know people say do the hardest thing first because then everything gets easier, but the one time I did that, I started crying and I gave up for a good three days so...

If you've done extensive research, then maybe it is something, and if you think that there is that, then you should try and get tested <3 and it's okay if there really is nothing. Sometimes brains are weird

You don't ever have to apologise for being human <3 Remember how I mentioned crying for twenty minutes to my history teacher? I said the same thing to him: that I feel bad talking about these things because everyone has their own problems. His response was: well yes, but there are so many people that want to help you. And they would tell you if you were being a burden.

You need to trust that. And it's hard. It's painful. It's difficult. But I promise you, telling someone will always be better than bottling it up- and this comes from the person that was pissed for six weeks because I got a phone call home from someone higher up because previously mentioned history teacher told them that I was not doing great

I love you too!!

And sometimes life gets you down! That's okay! Things will get better! Maybe this isn't healthy, but my thing is: things will work out, and things will get better because they need to, and I refuse to believe I am living a life where they won't.

You will be fine! I have every faith in you!!

[getitinbusan]

Jaebeom-

Only Love

Part 5 : Only Love Can Hurt Like This

Y/N doesn't want a relationship, especially not with an idol. Jaebeom only wants her.

Love after heartbreak and all the things that fall in between.

Angst, Cheating, Fluff, Smut

A new series inspired by lyrics, each chapter has a specific song that goes with it.

Series Masterlist

Only love can hurt like this - Paloma faith

I tell myself you don't mean a thing

And what we got got no hold on me

But when you're not there I just crumble

I tell myself I don't care that much

But I feel like I die 'till I feel your touch

So much for not getting attached. Unlocking the door you collapsed crying, the exhaustion of life had finally beaten you into submission.

The shrill ring of the store's landline broke through the quiet of the courtyard, a reminder of his persistence. He wasn't going to give up so you had no other choice but to cut him off. 

_____________

Barely having slept, coffee in hand, you made your way over the wooden path to the store.

The indication light was flashing in a rhythm that brought back the sound of his heartbeat in your ear. 

You have one unheard message…

Y/N, I know that you were happy last night, don't walk away from this...from me.  Do you remember the day I first came into your shop? You asked me how I intended to fix you? I didn't know then, I was just grasping for a shot...but...I know now..I'm just going to love you. All you have to do is let me...can't you just let me?" 

Reaching out you hit delete and tried to convince yourself it was for the best. 

____________

Watching from your office he'd come in everyday for a week. The staff, as instructed, told him you weren't there but several times he'd caught you looking at him through the window.

He looked hopeful but you were sure he'd get over it, you'd get over it. 

There was a light knock on your door before the handle turned. 

"Hey, sorry Y/N, he insisted on leaving this for you." She placed the book on your desk and left. 

Running your hands over the cover you could tell it was well loved. 

Its condition would normally drive you nuts but it was his, and in his passionate demeanor he'd most likely tackled it head first, cautionless, as was his way. 

You were unfamiliar with it, Tablo's "Pieces of You."  Flipping through the marked up pages you found a bookmark, a hand drawn blue tree with flower petal leaves pointing to what he wanted you to see. 

"So here I am, 

Choosing to kick away the ladder 

So that I may remain at your side.

I understand your solitude 

I see your shadow."

His phone number was scribbled on the inside cover with the inscription. "When you're ready, whether it's tomorrow or two years from now." 

___________

The worn book sat on your desk catching your eye every so often. He hadn't been in for a few days, had he given up? Why did it hurt to think maybe you'd never see him again?

"Fuck," you opened the cover And picked up your phone. 

Y/N: I miss you and I don't want to do that anymore.

JB: You don't have to, just let me in. 

Y/N: I need some time. 

JB: I'm just….Y/N...don't shut me out okay?

He left you space as requested ....sort of.

Every night you got notifications of his v lives. He talked to you indirectly through the camera, speaking about the books he'd read while sending secret messages through his song choices playing in the background.

He looked happy and he never wavered when your name was brought up by the fans. He stood up for you, called you a friend and told people they shouldn't say such horrible things. 

Slowly he was breaking your resolve, you were healing. 

 📖 Lady: I really enjoyed Pieces of You. 

He smiled knowing you were online. He queued up his next track, it was Junny's By my side  and he sang...

stay right by my side

And let me teach you how to love

With you I just can't get enough, oh girl

He closed his eyes and hummed in contentment.

Your phone notification broke the  trance Jaebeom's sweet melody had lulled you into.  

Yoongi: Can we meet, I think we should talk. 

Y/N: I don't fucking think so.

Yoongi: it's about Jaebeom. 

___________

You got to the coffee shop early and were surprised he was already there, punctuality was never his strong suit. 

He stood to greet you. Thinking better of the hug he was going for, he gestured to the chair.

"I want to say I'm sorry"...he stammered over his words.

"I know it means nothing and you hate me but...I am...sorry."

Your order was already on the table. 

"Can we just cut the shit. Why exactly do you want to talk to me about Jaebeom?"

He ran his hand up the back of his neck, "I keep getting messages from the fans about you two."

"You know what Yoongi, I'm tired of your fucking fans. They've sent me hundreds of death threats, they write rude comments on my business page and now that someone actually likes me again they keep telling him that I'm a piece of shit." 

You spit the feelings that had been trapped inside you out at him.  

"You know you could have told them to stop, but you didn't."

He looked at you puzzled and pulled up his weverse page.

"You think it's only you?"

He scrolled through reading you select comments.

"I've lost all respect for you Yoongi… I can't believe you're a cheater. Here, this one's great….Y/N deserves better, I'm happy she's with JB now…" 

You were shocked, not once had you seen or received messages that were team Y/N.

"Well you fucking deserve it." 

He shrugged, "Jaebeom, he's a decent guy…Jungkook's been talking to Yugyeom and word is you're not giving him a chance because of what happened."

He wouldn't look up from his Americano.

"Don't let me fuck up your life any more than I already have okay, I'm not worth it." 

You sighed, reaching across the table to touch his arm.

"I appreciate that you'd come here to tell me that." 

He picked up your hand and held it tightly in his.

"I'm sorry I did this to you. Let him be the man I couldn't." 

Standing to leave he kissed your cheek, grabbed his coffee and walked away. 

------------------------

Sitting in your office there was a soft knock at the door, "Hey, sorry, I just...did you," she approached apprehensively with a cup of tea, "have you seen the dispatch page?"

It didn't take long, the photos, the headlines, the comments…

Yoongi and Y/N are back together! Seen today, the couple were holding hands and kissing over coffee. Was she just using Lim Jaebeom? 

You felt the wind knocked out of your lungs, of course this would happen. 

Had Jaebeom seen? What would he think? As you sat panicking he sent a text. 

JB: Just can't manage to stay out of trouble, huh? I'm beginning to think you tip off your own location to Dispatch to grab the headline. 

You threw your phone into the drawer and slammed it shut. 

He waited, no answer, shit... he'd shoved his foot in his mouth again.

Why did he turn into a completely inarticulate unfunny  idiot when it came to you? 

JB: Y/N I'm sorry that was supposed to be a joke…

____________

You looked at your assistant, "I think I really fucked up, you want to go out and get completely loaded tonight?" 

She smiled agreeing, "I'll start closing, you go put on something sexy." 

You stood to leave, "May as well, If I'm going to get accused of stupid shit I might as well make it worthwhile."

___________

The drinks flowed freely and you just didn't give a fuck anymore, about anything. If they were all watching, you didn't care. You danced, you sang, you laughed, you needed no one. Until he was in front of you. 

"Shit, let's go", you grabbed your friends hand but she smiled devilishly at you. 

"I called him, its time to get the fuck over it Y/N. You'll thank me later," She waved him in and walked away. 

Zeroing in on you, he made his way over. Ready on the defensive you expected him to be angry.

In your best effort to save face you'd cut him off before he could you.

"If you want to be mad at me go ahead, but I fucking warned you this would happen."

You were pointing at his chest, trying to drive your point home.

"So if you're here to tell me you don't want anything to do with me, you go right ahead Lim Jaebeom." 

"Are you done?" He raised his voice.

"You are the most stubborn girl I've ever met Y/N. I've gone to bat for you for the last month, I never gave up. AND! despite how hard you've pushed me away I've never left. Do you think I'd actually walk away because of a dispatch article?"  

You both stared in a deadlocked gaze. Time standing still until he wrapped his arms around your waist. You could feel a million eyes on you all at once.

"Take me home Jaebeom."

He grinned and kissed your forehead, "I thought you'd never ask." 

Part 6 : Nervous

[lizzexx]

I knew I'd have to come out of the woodwork sooner or later. So, here I am apologising for what I've done. I had stole your words and altered them for my own gain for which I feel completely and utterly stupid for having done it. But in time I'll hope you'll forgive me and just know about how bad I feel about everything. Your a truly amazing author and a credit to your work. But I'll hope you'll forgive me on this road to redeeming myself. I'm truly sorry Lizzie 😔

Since this is anon, I’m not sure if this Chell-P as it could be copied from the wattpad apology I saw and responded to. As I’ve gotten a second message in my inbox from chellp88, I’m going to assume this is real. I responded to the wattpad message, so I’m going to copy and paste what I put there here, the requested advice included.

I won't lie and say what you did didn't hurt. To have content from 9 stories and 4 OCs taken and passed off as someone else's is devastating. I was in tears when I saw your Wedding of River Song chapter had taken not just content, but literally took one of my original characters too, that it took my OC Evy's baby and passed him off as your OC's. That was devastating to me. . Plagiarism, any time it happens, is very hard to get through, it makes you question if you should even keep writing if people can't respect you enough to not steal your work. It's even worse when someone who favorited you does this to you. You had me as a favorite author since 2013, for 7 years you've known my work, maybe you've even been there when I was plagiarized by others and saw what it did to me…and then you stole parts of my work too and for at least 2 years you've let people think it was your work. You've let people think and assume that the non-transcript and non-episode content was completely yours, when it wasn't true because part of it, a lot of it in later stories, was mine. You've let people praise part of your work, when those parts were mine, and no one knew it, that really hurts. I've been through this 29 times now, it never gets easier and it takes longer and longer to get back to a place where you WANT to keep writing.

But despite what you did to me, plagiarism is not something I would ever wish on anyone, I would never want anyone to take your work or your OC and try to pass it off as theirs and take credit or praise for your work. I sincerely hope you will never experience for yourself what you did to me.

I appreciate your apology, I appreciate you took the stories down, and I will always wish people the best with their future work so long as it's original. You are one of the few who have been honest about what they've done and actually apologized for it, so that means a lot to me.

The only advice I have for going forward would be:

1. Use a transcript as your ONLY source material. Don't look at someone else's work, don't have someone else's work open, don't highlight or copy parts of someone's work because it sounds good or you liked it, don't use someone else's story in place of a transcript, ONLY use a transcript. This ensures that the only things you're writing are your interpretation of what happened in the physical episode or your own content. It becomes very difficult to plagiarize another user when you do not have access to their work and do not have their work in front of you to use as a base. I don't even use my own work as a base whenever I get to a new Time Lady. I use the transcript, it's the best and safest route to go when you want to be as original as possible.

2. That being said, it's also helpful to NOT use your old content, not even parts from your old story that you just don't feel like typing over again. Really start completely from scratch and use ONLY the transcript. Because any evidence brought up about the plagiarism are not the only examples of the plagiarism, there's always more than what's brought up and the safest way to ensure you don't accidently put plagiarism back into your work is to not copy or use recycled material from your initial posting. I don't say this to make more work for you, I say it from experience because this has literally happened to me in the past. A past plagiarizer took down their work, claimed they would start again from scratch, and put up chapters far too fast to have actually been rewritten from scratch. What they did was go through what they first put up, decided if there were some areas to take out or change, and put that chapter back up just tweaked a little. And plagiarisms were still there. The only way they could have avoided it would be to have their chapter up and my chapter up side by side to compare, and that sort of goes back to point 1, not to look at another person's story while you write your own. Things snuck past this other person and their story was reported a second time under their new profile name and they came across as dishonest in their efforts to 'change,' so really, I can't stress using the transcript and ONLY the transcript enough.

3. Along those lines, something I personally do to try and avoid any unintentional plagiarism is to try your best not to read anyone else's work while you are writing your own. It's hard, it's very hard, because we write in the fandoms we love and we want to see what other people think or imagine about what we love too. But it's a way I use to keep from unintentionally plagiarizing someone. Because you might read something and it sticks with you, the lines, the points, the scene itself, and when you go to write your own version of a scene it ends up being very much like that original content, perhaps even the same exact lines because it got in your head. This can happen with a lot of original content other people write, and the best way to not be influenced by someone else's work is to not read it while you're writing your own versions of events. Of course, it's up to you and other writers whether to continue reading or cut yourself off, if you think you won't be unduly influenced then read on, but just be even more aware and critical of your writing as you go on. Granted, this part of the advice is of little help when the stories have already been read, but so long as the transcript is the only source material, I don't believe too much would actually appear identically in another's story.

4a. Be honest with your readers. They are the best people you will ever know and all they want is for your story to do well, for it to succeed, and for you to grow and better yourself as a writer. Be honest with them about what happened because it shows you did something wrong and are working to fix it, taking responsibility and owning your mistake. (I add this point in because it gives more context to point 4b.)

4b. Don't be afraid to ask your readers for help because they will do whatever they can to assist you. So if you're concerned, as you go forward, that you may unintentionally plagiarize someone, ask them to keep an eye open and let you know concerns they have about your content, especially original content not found in an episode. It's better to be aware of it when it happens than to go chapters and chapters and the entire story is taken down. Chances are people who read your work may have read mine, vice versa, or read other works, and if you ask, they can always bring up points and concerns to you early for you to review, compare, consider, and revise or leave be.

4c. If you are concerned something you posted is too similar to someone else's work, even after using JUST a transcript for the base, it's ok to put a note up that 'Part of this chapter is inspired by 'x' story by y' because it tells people there is another great story that you enjoyed reading that inspired you, and they may like it too, but it also helps relieve any concerns about potential plagiarism. (That's not to say you should put up a note in every chapter and then go on to copy that content and paraphrase it, but just if you use the transcript and it still feels similar to you from a story you read, it's better safe than sorry.)

5. Be aware, going forward, that because this did happen and you did take content from two people and passed it off as yours, some people will be more aware when similarities come up, especially in original content not found in the episode. This shouldn't be the only deterrent, the fear of getting caught more easily, to not plagiarize someone, because stealing from anyone should never happen, but be aware people will notice. And people will be looking more closely and critically when the story eventually gets to the part where the plagiarism first occurred, I, too, will randomly be peeking in from time to time myself at those points and hoping I see nothing of my work again. That's why starting from literal scratch and ONLY using the transcript, not even parts of chapters you'd already put up before, is the safest course to ensure no plagiarism happens.

6. And, finally, because this happened, and not just to me but to another of your favorite authors, a last piece of advice would be to strongly consider and revisit if you've done this to anyone else in any other story and take it down now. I am NOT accusing you of having done this more than the five times it's occurred, but someone raised a concern about another story of yours to me so I say this only as advice and a precaution as your account, unfortunately, now has the stigma associated with the plagiarism committed. I always hold out hope that other works are original even if the ones with my content weren't. So IF you have done this, taken original content and paraphrased it to pass off as your own, in ANY other story of yours, even if it's a very small amount, the best thing would be to take it down now and start from scratch there too. Better to do it now than before it is discovered and it gets reported. The last thing you would want is to go on the website and see your profile has been deleted by the site because of repeated plagiarisms.

It's very hard to forgive plagiarism, especially when it's happened so many times. This may be your first and only four instances doing this to me, but this is not the first or only time it's been done to me. It should have never happened, but it did, and it's not something that can be or should be easily overlooked or brushed aside. It leaves a lasting effect on both sides. Maybe in time I can one day forgive those who plagiarized me in the past, but please understand if I can't do that right now, to them or to you. I really do wish you well with your work as you go forward, and I hope you take my advice to heart and keep things original. Best of luck! LizzeXX

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: you're gonna have to go without me & my pom poms 💔💔 Janis: what, why? Jimmy: got detention Jimmy: & I've already checked the windows, like Jimmy: no escape Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: Un🍀 babe Janis: leave you alone for five minutes Janis: what you do this time then? Jimmy: I didn't even do nowt Jimmy: barely said a word to this dickhead in tech who was proper giving it to me 🙄 Jimmy: should've just smacked him if I was ending up here anyway Janis: ugh Janis: bet he ain't going detention with you either Janis: teachers are cunts Jimmy: nah they didn't even hand him one out Jimmy: like fuck am I just gonna let him chat shit about us for the full lesson Jimmy: but now Janis: it's alright Janis: mean, obvious waste of your time Jimmy: I'm gonna knock him out when I next see him Janis: fair enough, I'd say Janis: I'll watch 👍 Jimmy: front row seat to make up for the one I'm missing, yeah Jimmy: you're still gonna win for me though Janis: 'course I am Janis: can't make promises for the rest of the team, though sure they'll try their best for you 😍 Janis: other School is pretty shit tbh so Jimmy: 👍 'cause I'm still taking for drinks later too Jimmy: & I'd rather you not have to drown your sorrows, pisshead Jimmy: sort them other girls out & make 🥇 happen, babe Janis: 💪 nothing but victory drinks, swear Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: 💕 Janis: stay alive Jimmy: [later] Jimmy: got my phone back Janis: you seen it then Jimmy: been @ed by half the school Jimmy: you alright? Janis: yeah, been reporting the comments but it don't do shit, especially when it ain't even my post so Janis: are you Jimmy: don't worry, he's gonna take it down Janis: nothing even happened Janis: I swear Janis: he's just pissed off 'cos I said it ain't gonna again Jimmy: it don't matter Jimmy: it's about what's happening next Jimmy: & I'm sorting that right now Janis: it matters to me that you hear the truth from me and believe it Janis: 'cos what he's saying, and everyone else now, is bullshit Jimmy: I know that he's the lad that gave you a lift & you didn't fuck him so Jimmy: whatever happened before ain't my business Jimmy: & nowt happened today either whatever he says Janis: it really didn't Janis: I wouldn't Jimmy: 'course you wouldn't Jimmy: it's alright Jimmy: it's not but Jimmy: I'm just saying I believe you Janis: Thank fuck Janis: I felt like I was going to vom Janis: I know Mia talked to you, she took great delight in letting me know Jimmy: Less chat more shoving screenshots of his snaps at me Jimmy: so likewise Janis: he's just a prick Jimmy: I got that Jimmy: & she's just having fun pretending that you & him have been fucking behind my back this whole time Jimmy: didn't bother telling her I've been there & I'd know, not very #goals Janis: I'm sorry Janis: this bullshit Janis: they wouldn't do it to you if you weren't with me Jimmy: why, you ain't done nowt Jimmy: & I am with you Jimmy: I wanna be Jimmy: they can't do shit to change it Janis: I like you too much to put you through this shit Janis: it's so Janis: stupid Jimmy: you ain't the one being stupid Jimmy: or putting me through it Janis: yeah but Janis: I don't know Janis: just hate it Janis: them Jimmy: I know Jimmy: but he'll be one less dickhead to worry about in a sec Jimmy: I promise Janis: what you mean Janis: he's not going to delete it Janis: already asked Jimmy: yeah he is Jimmy: I'm not asking Jimmy: I'm just about to make him Janis: where are you Jimmy: If I let you know that you'll show up Jimmy: it's better if you don't, alright Janis: Jimmy Janis: I'm not gonna stop you but don't do anything stupid on my account alright Jimmy: I ain't the one who's being stupid either Jimmy: It's okay Jimmy: not my first time knocking out this exact type of dickhead Jimmy: like I said, my ex actually was fucking around on me so Janis: that's shit Jimmy: it weren't any more fun for her Jimmy: not really Jimmy: she was messed up, is still probably Janis: still Jimmy: it don't matter Jimmy: that's not this Janis: I know but everyone else is convinced so may as well be Jimmy: Nah, I ain't so it's not even close Jimmy: only thing similar is lads chatted shit on her too, never did find out how many she really got with out of the loads who said Janis: anything to boost their own rep Jimmy: it was the ones who weren't saying owt that I had to properly watch Jimmy: they just did it & left me to walk in Jimmy: literally in some cases Janis: I'm sorry Jimmy: hang on Jimmy: he's here Janis: don't get hurt okay Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: leave that for him Janis: obviously Janis: I don't give a fuck about him though Jimmy: makes two of us Jimmy: [a fight later] Jimmy: post's gone Janis: will you tell me where you are now Jimmy: tell me where you are & I'll come meet you Jimmy: not gonna hang round the scene of the crime, am I? Janis: I'm at my nan and granddad's Janis: could hardly go out and about town and fuck being home when she's gonna be there Janis: take this bus [#] Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: be there as soon as Janis: don't worry, neither of 'em is in rn Jimmy: I weren't but Jimmy: alright Janis: just mean, not gonna make you talk to my entire fam Janis: are you okay? Jimmy: I don't care who I've gotta talk to right now Jimmy: I just wanna see you Janis: they don't live as middle of nowhere Jimmy: thank fuck Janis: I know Janis: not to be that bitch but you didn't answer my question Jimmy: what Janis: are you okay? Jimmy: are you? Janis: better when I see you Jimmy: I feel that Janis: Okay Janis: are you gonna bleed on me again though or Jimmy: nah Jimmy: you're safe Janis: I'm Janis: I know it'll get old if I keep saying the S word so I won't but Janis: I wish it didn't drag up all that stuff with your ex for you Jimmy: none of that is important Jimmy: just you Janis: you Jimmy: I love you Jimmy: that won't get old if I keep saying it, will it? Janis: no Janis: I love you too so I never get tired of hearing it Jimmy: good Jimmy: 'cause you know I can't stop when I've started Janis: yeah Janis: one of the things I like about you Jimmy: even if it has fucked the 🚭 Janis: I'll allow it Janis: you promised you'll stay Janis: and you're already dead yeah Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: 👻 lad me Janis: so you can't go nowhere anyway Janis: soz ginger trying to save your soul, too late Jimmy: & I can't get hurt either Jimmy: so if any other dickheads need fighting, it's no #drama Janis: not planning to make it a thing Janis: not that I planned this Jimmy: I get it, a weekly brawl would have me too 💪 & you don't need the competition Jimmy: not planning to become an athlete though you're alright Janis: you're an idiot Janis: a lovable one but Jimmy: an idiot for getting detention Jimmy: he couldn't have pulled that shit if I were there Janis: not like you planned on being too cool for school either Janis: give out detentions for their own amusement, sadists Jimmy: always too 😎 me Jimmy: for school or anywhere Janis: gift and a curse yeah babe Jimmy: exactly Jimmy: this bus actually run or what? Jimmy: I've been stood here ages Janis: yeah, last I checked Janis: if I knew where you were I could come to you Jimmy: leave it out Jimmy: you know everyone'll be talking about it tomorrow Jimmy: let them tell you Janis: Probably shouldn't come to School Janis: reckon I'm gonna get stoned Janis: not in the chill way Jimmy: the teachers are fucking useless yeah but I ain't letting nowt happen to you Jimmy: or letting anyone think this is more than just bollocks Janis: they'll think what they wanna, and they really wanna Janis: idc Jimmy: like I told you, I'll fight whichever dickheads need to be told Jimmy: I don't care Janis: can't fight girls though can ya Jimmy: I don't need to Jimmy: you can Jimmy: or however else you wanna sort it Janis: yeah Janis: fuck knows Janis: I don't wanna have to always deal with this Janis: the lads just think I'm a slag so they can get some, whatever, makes sense Janis: they're just cunty 'cos they wanna, like alright but why bother Jimmy: I've said it before Jimmy: they're jealous Jimmy: you're hotter than them Jimmy: & good at shit 'cause you're SUCH an athlete as I'm always also saying Janis: that's so fucking stupid Janis: focus on yourselves ladies, might get something done Jimmy: tweet it girl Janis: 😂 Janis: keeping well away from social media rn tah Jimmy: 💔 but you're my muse Jimmy: bit rude Janis: no one's stopping you from being 👑 of twitter etc Janis: @ me though, can't handle another blatant subtweet or indirect Jimmy: 👌 fine Janis: what Janis: you reckon I should come running to my own defence Jimmy: I don't reckon owt Jimmy: it ain't happening to me Janis: well Janis: bit Jimmy: nah I'm the #victim if I'm in this Jimmy: my DMs are full of girls offering a shoulder to cry or cum on Janis: that's disgusting Janis: truly Janis: gonna miss your way with words Janis: but that's what I get Jimmy: you should see some of the pics I've been sent Jimmy: disgusting them Janis: no thank you Janis: not actually my thing Jimmy: I weren't asked if any of this was my thing Jimmy: but fine, I'll take one for the team Janis: I know, I know Janis: it's gross Janis: pretty bold of him to do this when I've got the dick pics, like Janis: guess enough peeps have 👀 or he's that full of himself Jimmy: probably hoping you'll show 'em about & the girls'll swoon Jimmy: dickhead Janis: 🙄 Janis: wouldn't put it past them so nah Janis: burn my phone, burn my retinas, like Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: assume Mia is licking his wounds for him as we speak Jimmy: I hurt him enough, maybe she'll actually swallow him Janis: 🙏🤞 Jimmy: who the fuck is he Jimmy: why does he think he can be this much of a bellend Janis: idk Janis: he's fit and such an athlete, obvs everyone loves him Janis: good match Jimmy: he ain't fit & I beat the shit out of him so how much of an athlete is he Janis: well you know what I mean Janis: stereotypical jock pretending his life is an american teen drama or a really low rent porn Janis: idk, the fact he was such a dickhead worked at the time Jimmy: it's your type, don't have to tell me Janis: fuck off Janis: no it ain't Jimmy: he is, I am Jimmy: that's two for two Jimmy: unless you've been hanging round with some right nerds Janis: you ain't my type either Janis: people don't actually have types do they Jimmy: you tried to tell me I do as soon as I met you Janis: yeah and look where you've ended up Janis: types are for when you wanna play it safe and be disappointed Janis: know what you're getting, even if it's a steaming pile of 💩 Jimmy: you don't have to sell me on how wrong you were, girl Jimmy: I told you back then Janis: I wasn't wrong Jimmy: you said I have a type, I don't Jimmy: what are you calling it Janis: 👌 Jimmy: nah, come on Jimmy: what are you calling it Janis: you have a type but you got 🍀 Janis: obviously Jimmy: piss off Janis: 😏 Janis: jk Janis: very unlucky Janis: 'part from the bathroom fuck, worst girlfriend ever Jimmy: apart from every fuck Jimmy: get it right Janis: please tweet that final review Janis: not all bad Jimmy: alright Jimmy: hang on Janis: erm wait until you've dumped me, dickhead Janis: and wait 'til this scandal has blown over 'fore that or they'll have it #confirmed Jimmy: you don't reckon I'm gonna have more to say after I've been fucking you forever Jimmy: bit rude Jimmy: thought I had a way with words Janis: you do Janis: that was beautiful baby Janis: please fuck me forever 💕 Jimmy: I already promised Jimmy: not gonna break it & your 💔 Janis: tah 👍 Janis: you are on the bus now though on the real Jimmy: it did show up yeah Janis: coulda told me Janis: rude Jimmy: didn't realise you needed a warning Jimmy: do you wanna countdown or what Janis: shut up Janis: too soon to be making jokes about needing time to see the last out the door Jimmy: so funny you Janis: I said it's too soon Jimmy: 👍 Janis: be my friend Jimmy: I don't wanna Jimmy: stop friendzoning me Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Janis: okay be my boyfriend then Jimmy: I am Jimmy: who do you think you're chatting to right now Jimmy: might have the wrong convo, girl Janis: think I'd be better at this Janis: honestly Janis: rookie errors these Jimmy: tah for saying it so I don't have to kick you when you're down Jimmy: embarrassing really Janis: I'll do better next time babe Janis: promise Jimmy: yeah sort it out Janis: hey, you're hot, wanna help me cheat on my boyfriend Jimmy: not that kind of boy Jimmy: but you'll find loads of takers so don't be 💔 Janis: am a bit Jimmy: you're 💔 or you're calling me a bit of a slag Jimmy: either way, gutted Janis: I've called you a slag many a time Janis: not gonna half-arse it now Jimmy: & I've been gutted every time Jimmy: but tah for letting me know what you meant Janis: you know it's just guilt projection Janis: shameless, really Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: well that's your rep now, may as well Janis: cheers Janis: probs shit the bed a bit with him but like you said, loads of takers Jimmy: chin up, Jillian Jimmy: you've got that paddy 🍀 on your side Janis: such a charmer Jimmy: what you like about me Janis: you want a list or you just stating facts Jimmy: it's a fact Jimmy: don't wear yourself out with the list Jimmy: bet you've got loads of DMs to get through & fire sexts to write Janis: naturally Janis: I don't even know who some of these people are though Jimmy: I'd offer my services but I ain't written one for a lad before Jimmy: Barry ain't that tech savvy Jimmy: give him a ring or nowt Janis: boys are easy Janis: very visual Janis: your talent would be wasted, tbh Jimmy: that's tanked my get rich quick scheme Janis: 😕 Janis: soz Janis: start charging for your nudes instead of giving 'em away, probs Jimmy: I'll just charge every girl in my inbox for a reply Jimmy: be alright Janis: not me though Janis: mates rates right Jimmy: I'm charging you double every time you friendzone me, mate Janis: Baby Jimmy: triple when you really 💔 me Janis: when have I ever Janis: babe Jimmy: you want a list Jimmy: 'cause the bus ain't got that many more stops so tell me now Janis: that is so mean Janis: 💔 Jimmy: baby Janis: I'm too headfucked rn for your shennanigans Janis: just be here Jimmy: I really miss you Jimmy: so much Janis: I miss you more Janis: definitely Jimmy: you can't say that Janis: but I do Jimmy: you can't feel how much I miss you Janis: I wish I could Janis: I need to know that you're okay and you really do believe me Jimmy: when I get there I'll do my best Jimmy: but it's never Jimmy: all of it Jimmy: I wish I could show you that Janis: we got time Janis: right Jimmy: depends Jimmy: can we stay at your nan & granddads for a bit Janis: yeah Jimmy: then yeah Janis: I love you, you know Jimmy: I do Jimmy: & I do too Janis: no one else matters Janis: just you and me Jimmy: you're all I give a fuck about Jimmy: nowt's changed Janis: can we go somewhere Jimmy: where Janis: anywhere Janis: it doesn't have to be now, if you can't but Jimmy: I'd go anywhere with you Jimmy: any time you want Janis: I don't want us to forget Janis: that none of them, and their shit, matters Jimmy: I won't Jimmy: & I won't let you Jimmy: I just want you Jimmy: so much Janis: I fucking need you, Jim Jimmy: I need you more Jimmy: like actually Janis: I Janis: it hurts Janis: when you aren't here Jimmy: I get it Jimmy: me too Jimmy: but there's nowt keeping me away from you now Jimmy: soon as I'm off this bus we're together Jimmy: that's it Janis: nothing or no one getting in our way yeah Jimmy: I swear Janis: Good Janis: you're mine okay Jimmy: it's okay with me, yeah Janis: good Jimmy: meet me off here Jimmy: I have to see you Jimmy: I just Janis: coming Janis: let me just settle this dog, 5 minutes max Jimmy: like one 🐶💕 weren't enough Jimmy: but go on Janis: this one makes Twix look like an 😇 Janis: gonna be so glad to see her, you are Jimmy: you better make sure you see her Jimmy: that's the cheating you've really done Janis: don't think I can look her in her puppydog eyes tbh Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Jimmy: for her though not you Jimmy: you know what you did Janis: 😭 Janis: I had nowhere else to go Jimmy: save it for her, babe Jimmy: I don't need your excuses Janis: you know you wanna put in a good word for me, come on Jimmy: maybe Jimmy: if only to get her off my case Jimmy: I ain't nobody's rebound tah Janis: gotta have standards Janis: respect that Jimmy: & I told you that early on Jimmy: bit late to go back on it now Janis: you did? Janis: well it stands up Jimmy: you've forgotten? Jimmy: which one of us might have gotten smacked in the head today Jimmy: get it together, like Janis: soz I ain't memorized everything you've said Janis: only pretending to be that highkey Jimmy: crack on with it Jimmy: you've got time, nerd Janis: you gonna stop chatting so much shit or? Janis: making my life hard Jimmy: make me Janis: I am omw Jimmy: be faster Jimmy: are you even an athlete or what Jimmy: if you ain't running to me so we can film it in slo-mo it ain't #goals my love Janis: you know I just won a 🏀 before being forced on a walk of shame Janis: I'm knackered Jimmy: shit I never even asked Jimmy: sorry Janis: you're alright, safe to say no one gave much of a shit before something more #drama happened Jimmy: I did though Jimmy: I do Janis: thanks Janis: you're a good WAG Jimmy: piss off Janis: 😘 Jimmy: 😒 Jimmy: it's weird enough that you play for any school teams, don't call me a WAG too Janis: gets you out of lessons sometimes Janis: you know you wanna Jimmy: gutted I'm too 😎 Jimmy: 'cause yeah Janis: you ain't too cool to be with me Jimmy: but seriously, what team are they letting me on Jimmy: #troublemaker me Janis: sure they'll reckon it's good discipline for you then 😏 Jimmy: 🙄 'course Janis: come on Janis: I wanna see the short shorts Jimmy: 😏 Jimmy: say please & maybe Janis: I'll say it when you get here Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: but only 'cause I wanna see you so bad Janis: Good Janis: I miss you Jimmy: just Jimmy: you be here Jimmy: I Janis: thanks Janis: for being you and not Janis: believing Jimmy: what else was I gonna do? Jimmy: you're the only one I like Janis: you could've though Janis: like, convincing, give him that Jimmy: if I was gonna be like that I might as well just fuck off now Jimmy: I mean it, all of this, it's the only thing I've got Jimmy: or want Jimmy: & we're a team whether the school lets me join in or not Janis: me too Janis: promise Jimmy: if you say nowt happened then it didn't Jimmy: that's all the convincing I need Jimmy: you don't lie to me Janis: I don't Janis: and why would I Janis: I didn't feel anything when we did do stuff so Janis: pointless now Jimmy: I remember Jimmy: you said Janis: I thought that's how it was Janis: just overhyped Jimmy: I get it Jimmy: even if now I've met you I don't reckon it was hyped up enough Janis: you're Janis: why are you so nice to me Jimmy: I told you, you're nice to me Jimmy: then I'm nice back Jimmy: it's a deal Janis: I'll be nicer Jimmy: how Jimmy: you're so Janis: again Janis: I'll show you Janis: 'cos I see you now Jimmy: yeah? Janis: mhmm Janis: have you forgotten what I look like Jimmy: he didn't hit me that hard Janis: Baby Jimmy: I'm okay Jimmy: I promise Janis: I'll check Janis: 'cos I'll kill him if he has Jimmy: 🤞 he's already 💀 Jimmy: I hit him hard so Janis: he earnt it Jimmy: I don't care about him Jimmy: it's for you Janis: me either Janis: just you Janis: did it make you feel better Jimmy: a bit Janis: yeah Janis: people bullshit when they say it won't Jimmy: I only wish I could have fucked him up worse for what he did Jimmy: & what he's like Janis: don't worry, his ego is 💀 if nothing else Janis: already 😷 'cos I turned him down Jimmy: that makes me feel loads better Janis: seriously Janis: it was pretty funny 'til it weren't Janis: 😢 like Jimmy: I love you Jimmy: how could I not Jimmy: that's real #goals Janis: wish you coulda been there Janis: coulda showed him why I don't want him Jimmy: me too Jimmy: it's not just him though, you don't want anyone else, do you? Janis: no one Janis: you know it's just you Jimmy: alright Jimmy: good Jimmy: come here then Janis: ['scuse them the most intense hello ever] Jimmy: [literally would & do need several moments] Janis: [can tell she's been in a state] Jimmy: [just all the reassuring touches in the world like he would not stop even when they are trying to walk again or whatever] Jimmy: [says 'afternoon' and smiles casually but is looking at her like & like I said just touching always] Janis: [blinking 'cos her eyes are stinging 'cos a bitch don't cry but she really thought y'all had fucked this up for them] Janis: ['hey'] Jimmy: [a boy sees & knows but he's keeping it chill for her] Jimmy: ['alright?'] Janis: [nods] Janis: ['now you're here'] Jimmy: [so many kisses basically wherever he can cos he can't stop himself like some are soft and some aren't cos all the feelings bitch] Janis: [holding onto him so tight and all the ilys] Jimmy: [likewise holding onto her like they about to drown like sorry everyone else about but not cos he would not be able to stop rn] Janis: [let's get you inside lads cheers for the empty grandparents] Jimmy: [more of the same when they're in lbr] Janis: [is checking his over like she said she would but is clearly fine suck it harry] Jimmy: [literally still can't stop touching her either even though low key would get in the way of what she's trying to do] Janis: [is loling but not trying to stop him 'cos never] Jimmy: [more kisses cos it ends them when the other one laughs] Janis: [softness bitch, getting him to the sofa 'cos she just wants to hold/be held for a hot sec] Jimmy: [give them a while with all those much needed snuggles] Janis: ['you're so important'] Jimmy: ['you are'] Janis: [let's self have sneaky cry 'cos overwhelmed as hell] Jimmy: [isn't gonna make a big deal of it even if he knows so just more of the same softness & being comforting & loving like] Janis: [laying on his chest listening to his heart] Jimmy: [playing with her hair from now until forever bye] Janis: ['it's fast'] Jimmy: [nods 'I told you, I had to see you. Needed to.'] Janis: [puts his hand on her chest, 'same', cos truly] Jimmy: [imagine what the fuck his breathing would have been like too omg] Janis: [let them just be so they can just calm] Jimmy: [later, he gets up to get them both a drink not alcohol let's not be wild, it'd be cute cos he don't know where anything is but still wanna do it for her] Janis: if you just wanted to look through the cupboards, that's alright Jimmy: just seeing if they got any posh silver I can have away Jimmy: life of crime starts here Janis: by the time the inheritance is split between us all I won't get much so Janis: go for your life, babe Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [brings her a beverage probably tea actually cos that's what english people do] Janis: ['tah'] Jimmy: [goes back to snuggling like he never left] Janis: 'you're the best boyfriend'] Jimmy: ['you're the best muse. Very inspiring.'] Janis: ['what are you thinking right now?'] Jimmy: [kisses her cos he's thinking about how much he loves her/how happy he is this isn't fucked up etc but how to say] Janis: [smiles] Janis: works for me Jimmy: [kisses her again cos the smile] Janis: are you coming back to mine tonight Jimmy: yeah Janis: [bigger smile] Jimmy: [just 😍 at her] Janis: nothing's ever gonna fuck this Jimmy: works for me Jimmy: [smiles back] Janis: promise Jimmy: are you promising or asking me if I do Janis: both Jimmy: well I do Jimmy: [sips tea but not in a shady way lol] Janis: good Janis: 'cos I like you Jimmy: I love you Janis: [pouncing for kiss be careful of the tea] Jimmy: [cue make out session they both need & deserve] Janis: we can stay home tomorrow can't we Jimmy: we can do whatever you want Janis: I don't care if people reckon I'm running or being a pussy Janis: don't wanna be there Janis: just wanna be with you Jimmy: I don't give a shit about anything but you having what you want Janis: you Jimmy: [just pulling her into her lap for cuddles like] Janis: everything is alright when you're with me Jimmy: then everything's alright Jimmy: I ain't going nowhere Janis: me either Janis: [snuggles further in to prove point] Jimmy: [keeping them like that lowkey forever]

[every-jai]

Just a Table Ch. 4

Finally, the next part of my newest Fan fiction. Real life hit me a little, so sorry for the delay. I hope you enjoy it anyway. Reviews are welcome as always!

I'm pregnant....and it's yours" For nearly ten seconds all the colors drained from Jai's face, then it changed to pure rage. "Don't be ridiculous; we haven't been together for months!" She smiled. "3 months to be exact, and I'm 14 weeks pregnant. You ARE the father!" Jai scoffed and dragged me to the elevator "May I remember you, that you were so afraid of getting pregnant, that we even with you taking the pill, always used condoms? If not the doubtful case happened, that both failed - and I can't remember a broken condom - then this is not mine!" The elevator doors closed and left a stunned Kat behind.

Jai stood on the other end with his head held down. He clung to the railing so hard; his knuckles turned white. Suddenly he roared out and kicked the wall with all his power. "This woman really knows how to push my buttons, I have no idea, what I've done to deserve this!" I let him act out his anger and stayed behind.

When we arrived at his flat, he threw his keys in a corner, followed by his shoes. Anxious he wandered thru the room "what if she really has my Baby? I don't want to let the Kid down!" I sighed, scooped the keys out of the corner, placed his shoes beside the door and let myself fall onto the bench at the table. "Didn't you just say it couldn't be yours?" He leans on the kitchen counter "I'm pretty sure... I think so... Damn, I don't keep a book every time I slept with my girlfriend!" he sat down beside me. "Kat has nothing to do with Kids, she doesn't even like them. Every time Indy and her brother were visiting us, she left for her parents, and when we flew to Sydney for them, she always stayed in the background, never played with them. I just had to start talking about Kids, and she instantly throws a fit. Kat said, we had plenty of time for that, and she didn't want to 'ruin' her shape for them just yet." he put the word 'ruin' into exclamation marks with his fingers. I looked at him with a crooked head. "You want to have Kids?" Jai nodded weakly "Would love to have a family in the not so far future. I don't want to be an old Dad. I know it's not that easy with a job like mine, so I would always make sure that they won't miss me too much. But think I can skip that now" He looked really miserable, and it broke my heart to see him like this.

I just opened my mouth to said something reassuringly, when a loud and obnoxious banging started on the door. Jai rolled his eyes "ready to rumble again!" He opened the door, and Kat stormed inside. "How dare you to leave me alone down there!" she hissed, and Jai scowled at her. "Welcome, please come in!" he said sarcastically. Unimpressed she crossed him and threw her handbag on the table beside me. "So that you know what's up, I have a few terms you have to agree to." Jai looked at her completely stunned "Terms? You have terms? I don't think..." I stood up, went to Jai and laid my hand on his arm. "wait, let's hear what she has to say" I winked at him and took my cell phone, there was something I suddenly remembered. "Yeah, listen to your little ladylove, Jai" He crunched his teeth, "OK, tell me"

A smug smile spread across her face. "Good, these are my conditions: First, we are going to be seen in public together again. I'll accompany you to every Shooting, every premiere, every event. We don't want that something like this" she pointed her finger at me "happened ever again, don't we?" again, Jai wanted to say something, but I held him back with a shake of my head. "Please, let her finish" Kat nodded at me nearly appreciative, only to destroy it a second later "Thanks, whatever your name is" I had to cover a grin, she really was a handful. Let's see how long it lasts. "Second: I'm going to move back in, or we will look for a house together, you do not want that your child grows up in such a single dump, right?" Now I had to held Jai down with all my strength so he couldn't jump at her throat "Easy big boy, just a few more minutes" I looked back at Kat. "May I ask how long are you aware that you are pregnant?" Kat looked at me questioning "This is none of your concern" Now Jai jumped in "But it is mine! so, how long?" "Don't know, four weeks I think. I wanted to wait until the critical first 3 months are over, so I can be sure not to lose it" Great, this was the answer I was hoping for. Jai looked at me doubtfully, then back to Kat "That's all?" She shook her head "Just one more thing: I want her" again she pointed at me, "out of your life, completely! You are throwing her out, delete her number, and make sure that you do not meet again." Jai laughed humorlessly "And how should I do this? She's working for the same studios as I most of the time!" Kat just shrugged "I don't care, you are the famous actor here, do something about it. You will fulfill all my conditions, or the tabloids, the studios, directors, production companies and all your oh so precious fans will learn to know how bad you treated your pregnant ex-girlfriend. I think I can remember how you forced me to get an abortion"

Jai and me were amazed. She was absolutely ready for the utmost. But she wasn't the only one with a plan. Confident that she already won, Kat sat down on Jai's Laptop. "I see, we all agree. I would say you Jai, can call the mover, and I will look out for a real estate agent. And you," again she was pointing at me "go pack up your stuff and get the hell out of here." Neither Jai or me moved an inch. Her cell phone ringed, but she wasn't paying attention. I crossed my Armes in front of my chest and smiled "I think you better should look at that." Annoyed Kat picked up her phone, unlocked it and was cringing instantly. "what... What is that, where did you get this from?" Her once so calm and smug features turned into sheer panic. Now I was grinning from ear to ear. There, on her cell phone, three very revealing party pics of her, drinking heavily just a few days ago, were showing. "Maybe you should be careful when you're out and about."

I showed Jai the same photos on my phone. He stared at them in anger. Suddenly he grabbed Kat by her arms and shoved her out of the door. "Don't you dare ever approaching me again. If I see any of your accusations in public, just a glimpse or rumor going around of this, I swear to god, I sue you into oblivion. I think my lawyer will be very very interested in this." with that, he nearly smacked the door in her face. Jai lends on the closed door. "I can't believe she really tried to blackmail me! But please tell me, where did you get those pictures from?" Smiling I showed him a friends facebook page. "Kat was on a private Party a few days ago, where he was too. I remembered that the moment she said she was about 3 Month pregnant. Even Kat isn't so reckless with an unborn" He hugged me tightly. "Damn girl, you literally saved my life!"

3 weeks later my arm was fully healed. No more surgery was necessary, but a scar would be left. We hadn't heard anything more from Kat, it seems she was too afraid of a lawsuit.

I was just packing my last things, when Jai appears in the doorway, looking a little sad. "It will be very lonely around here without you" I smiled at him "well, now you can do what you want again, no more caretaking for me" Two, three long strides and Jai stood in front of me, tugging me into his Armes. He looked deep into my eyes "Honestly, there is just one thing I want to do right now" The next second his warm, soft lips pressed on mine. Without thinking about it, I kissed back. Jai's Armes sneaked around my back, and his hands gently stroked down till they laid on my hips. Seconds later I ended the kiss breathless and laid my forehead to his. "You have no idea how long I dreamed about this" he whispered softly, stroking my Nose with his. "Please, don't go!" I shook my head slightly "I'm sorry, but I have to" Confused he took a step back. I took his hand and set down on the bed with him. "Look, I want that as much as you do, believe me. But you just came out of a long relationship. Sometimes people fell in a black hole after that, and search for a distraction." Now he nearly went furious. "What do you think of me? I would never... " again I kissed him softly. "Only the best, believe me. I just want us to be on the same page about this." Jai looked at me pleadingly "We are! You aren't a distraction, please believe me!" I caressed his cheek "I do! Look, I'm going to New York for two weeks tomorrow. Let's use this to get clear about our feelings towards each other. Go out to a party, meet other women, do whatever you want, and if your feelings are still the same in two weeks time, you pick me up from the airport, ok?" He nodded. "if that's what you want" "it will be good for both of us."

He went to the door with me, hugged and kissed me one more time lovingly. "I'll see you in two weeks, you won't miss me, I'm the big guy with a bouquet of red roses waiting for you!" I laughed and went back to my apartment.

During my time in NY, we avoid any contact, which was very hard for me, to be honest. I missed Jai and was pretty sure about a relationship with him. The whole flight back home I couldn't think about anything else, couldn't wait to see him again, at the same time, I was terrified that his feelings would have changed.

The moment I arrived at the airport, I looked around for Jai, but couldn't find him. I waited for 10 minutes, then 20, ran around from baggage reclaim to the terminal exit and back, but no sight of him. Devasted I called a Cab and went back to my place. A pity, I was really sure that there was something between us. Tired I laid down on my cold, nearly unfamiliar bed. Just before I fell asleep, I remembered that my phone had died down a few hours ago. I plugged it into the charger and turned it on. Suddenly a dozen missed calls, and even more messages popped up on the screen. Ben, Sophie and oddly enough James, had tried to reach me. When I opened the first message from Ben, my heart stopped working: "(y/n), please call me urgently, Jai had an accident!"...

[akuyaku-reijou]

Please hear me out on this. Regardless of the issue on if Felix is trans or not you should not post English translations done by Yen Press as any proof for anything. (in fact there's massive translation issue in the in the EX1 page you posted that would be against the point you tried to prove but I digress on that and I'll explain why later on here.)

Yen Press's translations are actually garbage (not in any sort of agenda driven/political way, just outright bad.) In some cases they've even been outed as using shotty machine translations for some of the conclusions they've drawn on what their translations end up being, as only a machine translation would get something that wrong, and to actual JP-EN translators, is the only way they can find that such a mis-translation would get through.

They've made some egregious mis-translations, for example in an interaction between Subaru and Beatrice, Yen Press had it translated as Subaru was choking Beatrice because she was crying, as in he started to physically choke her, but the actual transition is that Beatrice was getting choked up by her own tears. The mis-translations are that bad. Not to mention in volume 17 there's a huge long rant CLEARLY said by a villain but they translated it as Subaru saying it. JP has a lot of odd and difficult things when it comes to gendered pronouns, and coupled with Yen Press's lack of skilled translators, it really is a bad example to use them to show Felix's true gender identity. In the page you posted, the actual text JP translation, there's a lot of liberty taken for what that could actually be translated as, mostly because of YP's skill issues.

A further example might be with Pokémon if you're familiar. Many times the audience is never told what sex a pokemon is if it's left ambiguous unless that JP is translated to ES or other Latin languages where it's unavoidable to use gendered pronouns. JP translation is a very big debacle when it comes to gendered pronouns, especially when it comes to characters like Felix.

I highly suggest going and reading fan translations of the Web Novel (since that is publicly posted in JP, translations are not any sort of piracy) since the quality is much higher and you'll get much better, accurate translations that may help better prove your own point that Felix is trans or not. It may convince you of otherwise or it may further convince you of your current standing. Arguments can be made for both sides but at least you'll be using much more accurately translated material.

Thank you for the heads up, I didn't know. One would think that if it's official translation, it wouldn't be that off. I am actually used to a few errors here and there (like spelling mistakes, wrong pronouns etc.) but I considered them simply as something editor and proofreader didn't catch (I mean, I saw those in academic writing, so I learned not to press it, it normally gets corrected by next reprint).

But this is truly saddening, I shall look it up. Thank you

Also, I will delete the addition made to the post, but this is Tumblr, so ...

[literally-just-loki]

So since this has blown up so much, I'm going to do an in-depth meta of every point. First point: Loki was influenced by the mind stone.

This is from Marvel's official profile of MCU Loki. Here is the link to the article.

As you can see, it doesn't go into great detail about how exactly it influenced him. We so know he wasn't aware of its influence (at least at first).

I think it did two things to him. First, I think the mind stone changed some of his memories. As we all know, Loki himself let go of the Bifrost in an apparent suicide at the end of Thor 1.

This conflicts with something he says in the first Avengers movie. You probably remember the scene where Thor grabs him off the Quinjet and they have a chat on the cliff. Thor says, "We were raised together. We played together, we fought together. Do you remember none of that?"

Loki replies, "I remember a shadow. Living in the shade of your greatness. I remember you tossing me into an abyss,"

That all happens in this scene:

Loki's line, "I remember you tossing me into an abyss" is very interesting, because he wasn't thrown into it. He let go. This is evidence that his memories have been altered.

I've watched through the movie, and the only other line I've found is later in that same scene when Loki says, "I have grown, Odinson, in my exile."

It's not hard evidence, but he certainly wasn't exiled. This could just be a metaphor, but it could be he genuinely believes he was exiled.

I'll move on to the next point: his emotions and motivations were changed by the scepter.

A lot of this is going to be based off his line at the end of Thor 1. Thor and Loki are fighting on the Bifrost, and Loki says, "I never wanted the throne! I only ever wanted to be your equal." That's from this scene:

It's clear Loki doesn't want to rule. This isn't a post analyzing the first Thor film (I'll do that later), but if you watch the deleted scenes he didn't take the throne of Asgard by force. He was given it by Frigga.

Now, contrast that with his later actions. Again, on the cliff, Thor says, "Who controls the would-be King?" to which Loki responds, "I am a king!"

This is a very different response than the one Loki gave in Thor 1. Here are some more examples of Loki showing his wish to rule:

In the scene where he speaks to the Other with the scepter, he says "I was a king! The rightful king of Asgard."

His whole, "Kneel!" speech in Stuttgart. He mostly talks about humans being made for subjugation, but it's heavily implied that he's going to be the one doing the ruling.

There are probably more examples too.

Now, Loki also seems much more hateful of Odin and Thor. I'm sorry I keep using the cliff scene lol, but there's so much evidence in it so I'm going to reference it again.

This is the first instance of Loki refusing to call Odin is father. On the cliff, Thor goes, "We all did. Our father-"

However, Loki cuts him off, saying, "Your father."

In the first Thor movie, Loki certainly didn't hate Odin. He may have disliked him at times, but the main reason why he tries to kill the Frost Giants is to prove to Odin that he's a worthy son. Evidence: Loki's line to Thor in the Bifrost fight. Thor asks, "Why have you done this?"

Loki responds: "To prove to Father that I am the worthy son."

He also still calls Odin Father here, see?

I'm not going to spend too much time on this point, because it could just have been that he grew more spiteful and angry over time. It's not necessarily because of the scepter. I thought it was a good thing to note, though.

The final thing I'll do is contrast Loki's behavior during the Avengers movie with after the Avengers movie.

The first thing is the Hulk smash. This is at the end of the Battle of New York, and the Hulk picks up Loki and swings him into the floor multiple times.

Basically, Loki is hit very hard. This seems familiar. That's because Natasha did the same thing to Clint to stop him from being controlled by the scepter. When Clint asks how she freed hin, she describes it as, "Cognitive recalibration. I hit you really hard on the head."

I'm going to continue this in part two so I can add more pictures.

Ground rules:

Loki was influenced by the mind stone

(this is canon)

Loki was tortured by Thanos

(this is 99% canon)

Loki was scorned for his entire 1000-plus lifespan.

(watch the Thor deleted scenes (the first movie), plus his interactions with the Warriors Three)

Asgard is sexist and racist at the very least.

(rewatch the Thor movies)

Loki is not evil.

(come on, just look at him)

Odin sucks

(take a look at him in the Dark World)