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raayllum · 8 months ago

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Gift Giving & Primal vs First Elves :: Or Going Off Into the Deep Lore Deep End

Remember that meta I compiled about Greek mythology, deceptive gift giving, and TDP? Yeah it's time to talk about the gift motif properly as well as some other deep lore things because these excellent thoughts ( @spicyviren, @kradogsrats, and @its-leethee) got the wheels in my brain spinning.

AKA an unknown amount of sectioned word vomit into the nature of magic, where it comes from, how deep magic operates, some gifts and motifs, and Leola, just a little.

Let's go.

Gift Motif

The gift motif is one that's a bit of a slowburn in TDP. While characters will often pass and hand over objects — tools, artefacts, metaphorical responsibilities or trust (handing over the egg, for example) — to one another, there's not a big emphasis on gifts in the first three seasons.

There are some, such as Callum's letter from Harrow (that he's given by Claudia once again initially as a goodbye), Ezran giving Bait to Barius in S3, and Rayla's family pendant, but most of these, as you've might already noticed, are contextualized within Goodbyes. Whether the gift motif will amount in arc 2 to escaping this "final gift" context remains to be seen, but that's how it tends to work in interpersonal relationships.

There is an element of peace offering in hoping that returning Zym — a gift and/or gesture of good will — will help usher in peace, but I think (as of now at least) that ties further into the series' theme of Reciprocal Exchange (the assassin mission being an eye for an eye vs olive branch for olive branch) than outright gift giving. (Although we will probably talk about Exchange and gift giving at some point because there is also a thematic tether there.)

However, there is one other thing that is more and more often referred to as a gift in Arc 1, and that's Magic. Specifically, dark magic.

Now, this actually isn't that dissimilar from what the Goodbye gifts amount to, either. In Harrow's letter, he gifts Callum the Key of Aaravos believing it to be a powerful magical relic of some kind; Rayla's pendant makes its way from Ethari to her to Callum, who then uses it for magical purposes; and Bait, as a glow toad, is connected to an arcanum himself.

I do think it's noteworthy though that in Arc 1, (dark) magic being a gift is emphasized upon, specifically because of these lines for Khessa:

Upon first watching it back in 2019, it made sense that dark magic would be referred to this way, even when I just thought maybe it was that humans had been given 'nothing,' as Claudia says. Dark magic is closely tied to ideas of theft and thievery — stealing magic from others to harness its power for yourself — and the series is deeply interested in concepts of ownership or who has 'true' ownership over something, in magic, a throne/crown, a price to pay, etc. This follows neatly into Arc 2 (for ex: why Karim seeking to steal the Sun Seed is a metaphorical dark path even if it didn't outright involve dark magic through Kim'Dael), which we'll build on later.

That said, given the depth of the knowledge at the Great Bookery that is open to Sunfire elves more than any other type of elf, and the information that Tales of Xadia and Ripples gives us...

While elves warned that if humans were meant to wield magic they would have been born with it, [Leola] gifted the wisest humans with secrets: the language of the dragons and the runes that shaped spells. With the unicorn’s gift, the most determined minds among the humans could finally harness primal magic.

It happened long ago, when humans had only just learned to hold fire in their hands without burning. They nurtured their precious primal flames secretly—in the dark of night, beneath shadows and shrouds—as cultivating its glow drew the eyes and ire of monsters [...] Humanity had been given something it was never meant to have. And so there came a calamity.

It makes it more than likely than, unlike other elves such as Lujanne or Ibis, Khessa had reason to believe/know that there used to be primal human mages in the past... and that it wasn't 'enough' for them ultimately, because they still hungered and developed (and were given?) dark magic. "Your kind could not be satisfied with what you were given" was about the rejection of primal magic from Leola (the unicorns) in favour of a darker kind that involves theft and "dirtying yourself" (5x08) with dark magic.

But at the same time, this complicates the Gift Giving motif of including not just dark magic, but being also for primal magic — for humans, at least.

And also for elves. (Ignoring how "great orb" is very similar to "great one" for now.)

Janai: It was a gift. But there's more to it than that. The great orb began as this. Karim: This is... a sun seed?

Now, the Great Orb being grown from a Sun 'literal' seed makes sense. We've known for a long time that in Xadia, "magic is everywhere. It's just part of the vibrance or spirit of things" (1x05). Primal magic naturally occurring in plants, animals, and elves likewise makes sense on that note. Just as not "many could bear the gruelling path of a rune mage," Karim cannot bear to have patience and faith in something that will only come to fruition centuries later.

That said, I raise the question: how functionally different is the Great Orb from say, a sun primal stone would hypothetically be? If primal stones and primal magic were gifts to humanity from unicorns — from creatures connected to the Star arcanum, for lack of a better understanding — then why not magic from Startouch (?) elves to other elves.

How do we know that all magic isn't simply a gift that was given once upon a time?

From the First Elves to the Primal Elves.

Primal vs First Elves

So what's the difference between First Elves and Primal elves?

Well we have a few pieces of lore:

1) Zubeia's status as a "heavenly majesty" (which we'll come back to in the next section) gives her authority to speak in the name of the first elves, who are effectively gods to humankind and/or Xadians ("Have our Gods died? / Where do the fabled Great Ones hide?" —the Epic of the Void

2) It seems that the First Elves are, as of now and for a while, exclusively in reference to what would otherwise be called Startouch elves, although the latter is seemingly a name that came later given Rayla's affirmation of "ancient legends". This is reaffirmed in Tales of Xadia's two lone mention of First Elves:

No group of elves presents a greater mystery than the Startouch elves. Sometimes called the First Elves, those bound to the Star primal are rumored to have made great marks on Xadia’s ancient history—but beyond story and legend, little real evidence is left to us today [...] Among the few extant records of Startouch elves are the Scrolls of the First Elves, now kept in the Great Bookery of Lux Aurea.

3) At a post-S2 con in 2019 (how's that for a far reach?) we got a timeline of the events of Xadia laid out for us. The description of the very first piece of history and era we know of goes as follows, with the Rise of Elarion happening 2000 years ago re: the Dragon Prince era ("The Return of Aaravos"):

The Era of the First elves is the first recorded era 5,000 years prior to the current era. Dragons and elves were not allied during this period. There were no distinct primal elves. This is an era before all that. Humans suffered during this period.

—2019 con timeline

4) Justin and Aaron reaffirm this at the 2:30 ish minute mark of this video (a couple of months before even S3 was released) by reaffirming distinctly to Primal elves. Later (7:40-ish mark) we see this distinction reaffirmed again through the statement of, "The patterns have been that these primal based elves have grown cultures and civilizations that have become separate and differentiated from kind of whatever the early days were with the First elves were."

Okay, so there was 100% a time where there were only First Elves, and humans, and Primal elves as we knew them (maybe still with the hands and horns, but no arcanum? Or no singular, distinct arcanum) didn't exist. Why does this matter?

This is where the deep lore timeline gets tricky, as we don't know precisely when 1) humans received magic and 2) at what stage the First Elves / Great Ones / Startouch elves 'left' Xadia, only that they did, apparently, when Elarion (the human city) needed help: "Elarion, unworthy whelp / Wept as the stars turned black the sky / They donned their masks / They turned their backs / And left Elarion to die". Why abandon the city (beyond indifference/cruelty as Aaravos would likely claim), who knows.

However, we can assume the timeline looks something like this:

Era of the First Elves

Primal elves (and presumably archdragons *) are crafted / develop into being, whatever that means

Humans are magic-less and are having a bad time

Unicorns / Leola extend sympathy despite the fact that the First Elves tell her not to (Book One: Novelization / Tales of Xadia)

Humans have primal magic (Ripples / Tales of Xadia)

This attracts negative attention, consolidated in Elarion ("the stars she asked their light to cast / and stop the dragons’ fiery might" / "as cultivating its glow drew the eyes and ire of monsters. Eventually, for the audacity of their fire, they were hunted")

Elarion asks for help and the Stars leave

Aaravos, the last star — presumably already Fallen from the First Elves — gives them dark magic under the guise of protection even though it will inevitably help him (i.e. give him the ability to possess people)

Dark magic replaces primal magic as the primary form for humans

Tension and violence escalates (unicorns are hunted to near extinction). Sol Regem is removed as King of the Dragons

Under Dragon Queen Luna Tenebris, the daughter of an elven leader suggests the Judgement of the Half-Moon, causing for humans to be banished rather than eradicated, and the continent split in two

Again, nothing too crazy / not too much we haven't already known or guessed at for a while.

But like I said, I'm gonna propose two theories, so bear with me:

Theory #1: What is Deep Magic?

The First Elves engaged with what we're gonna call Deep or Old Magic, for lack of a better term. There can be an assumption at times that this magic would be more 'pure' or less 'diluted' than dark magic or even the primal magic we've seen on screen. However, I think that's less than likely. Dark magic is often times a bad path for good outcomes, and primal magic can be a 'good' magic for bad outcomes (the blood freezing spell, for example).

While dark magic is a more textually malevolent magic system and primal magic is more true neutral — able to be used as a tool and a source of connection for the user — I don't think this necessarily means that Deep Magic is inherently enlightening (we see with the Ocean arcanum and S5 that knowledge can be an immense burden) or that it's on the opposite end of the spectrum and is outright benevolent.

What, then, am I suggesting Deep Magic to be? Well, we have some clues likewise from the same old interview post-s2 that we haven't had much basis to (potentially) understand until now, in which it's stated:

Deeper magic and deeper gifts that the original beings received [...] practical, usable, powerful magic is drawn from the six primal sources, right? But there is this idea that there's this earlier, less differentiated power kind of magic that's deeper and more - I don't kind of want to say what all of them are. It's not that important now, it has more to do with the history of beings and their interactions with each other. But Aaravos cares about some of this stuff. The best I can say is that one of them's Power — but well, what does that mean?

The six primal sources — potentially just five (hence why only 5 gemstones seem to occur naturally in nature, and Star seemingly doesn't) — are all based around physical, somewhat tangible principles. Earth, Ocean, Sun (fire/light), Sky (wind/weather) are perhaps the most tangible, with only Moon dipping into something into something more metaphysical: illusions and questioning the nature of reality, the nature of death, etc. However, I'd argue that the Moon arcanum's emphasis on death still makes it something that is particularly important to creatures who are mortal (but more on that later).

What I am arguing for is then, therefore, that Deep Magic is magic drawn from Concepts and Ideas > tangible things found in nature or parts of other magical creatures.

Three concepts, to be exact: (translated dark magic screenshot from Cartoon Universe spells reversed).

Zubeia: He chose as his instruments those who had strong hearts and strong minds, but who had an insatiable thirst and fascination with magic (power).

Three quasar diamonds, three deep magic concepts. Heart, Mind, Power.

("To know something truly and deeply, you must know it with your head, hand, and heart. Mind, body, and spirit." / "She laid before me her scales, her blindfold, and her sword, and told me to choose.")

Now, I don't know if it's these three concepts exactly — I could Truth, or Justice, or something like that — or even if it's three. But given what little we know about Deep magic thus far and how much the series' likes its threes, I think that's the likeliest number and combination.

We've known for a while that there's something weird with the connection between dark magic, spells that use blood, and 'star' magic. We know it's unlikely that Aaravos being able to possess people who have used dark magic was just a happy accident discovered after humans started using it. We know that when Callum is offered the dark magic version of the cube in his dreams, the symbol is blood red: "You can have unlimited power." And that dark magic "became the key that unlocked a place of power for humans in Xadia" (Tales of Xadia).

So what if dark magic stems from the vein of Deep magic that's taken from the concept of Power? What if when Aaravos offered his pawns "unlimited" Power, or when Kpp'Ar accused Viren of (potentially using star magic) "making the same choice you always made: the one that gives you Power," they meant it?

Alternatively, this could mean that most other Startouch elves — their longevity, their indifference — comes from the vein of Mind and subsequent intellectual detachment? Enough intelligence and reason not to hunger for more (Power), but not enough compassion and empathy to sympathize with others (Heart).

And it would also tie into Leola being unique among her own kind for her heart taking pity on the humans, and giving them primal magic — perhaps in the vein of Heart, if we're keeping things consistent — and why love ("To know something truly and deeply [...] I love you with all of myself, and I always will" / "To love is simply to know this: the tides are true as the ocean is deep") has been consistently tied to Callum unlocking arcanums. The "Narrative of Strength (power)" vs "Narrative of Love" being even more literal than we thought.

This wouldn't be too out of line since Moon arcanum philosophy already borrows heavily from Plato's idea of the forms/reality (Plato's allegory of the cave, anyone?) and the forms basically mean "your imagined ideal of the object in your mind is going to be more perfect than any tangible, 'real' version of the object could ever be." That being applied to living beings who are literally in the sky would track a certain amount, in addition to the idea that however primal magic is set up in Xadia right is "the whole world is like a giant primal stone; sky magic is all around us, and it's also in me, with every breath we take." But I digress.

With the distinction of Deep Magic as 1) separate and a sea that flows into the primal as well as 2) older and earlier than primal magic, now onto the next theory:

Theory #2: First elves and the Archdragons?

Now admittedly this one is more speculative since beyond knowing 1) the First elves = what we'd call Startouch elves, 2) the rest of them except Aaravos 'left' Xadia a while ago, and 3) the aforementioned possible 'Mind' deep magic thing, we very quickly run out of set knowledge into full blown speculation. Beyond

With that in mind, I wanna talk about the... weirdness, I suppose, between the Archdragons / draconic royal family and the First Elves.

There's a few notes to this: we know that Ancient Draconic is the language of primal magic, indicating that dragons existed and presumably had primal magic before elves did, and that elves had to be given that linguistic knowledge at least to a certain degree.

Then we also have the way Zubeia is referred to being mirrored with the way she describes Aaravos later:

Likewise, the one person/creature we've seen referred to as a god outside the Epic of the Void poem is Avizandum by Harrow (bonus points for the game motif of "entire armies have fallen like toys" because of him):

Bloodmoon Huntress also asserts that from an elven point of view (or at least Lain and Tiadrin, and presumably Runaan, too) that "Dragons are the lifeblood, the very core of Xadia" and generally assumed that dragons have the most powerful connection to their individual primal sources.

So I'd be willing to wager (esp since Sol Regem is at least 1,2000+ years old) that Archdragons at least once upon a time had been contemporaries of the First Elves if not peers. What and why that connection exists and how relevant it is for today, I don't know, but I do think there's something there, especially since the one example we have of a First Elf-Dragon relationship in Aaravos, Avizandum, and Zubeia, was perceived to be positive somewhat on all sides — a matter of trust on his end (in order to be "betrayed") and a matter of reverence and importance on theirs; "admired and loved by all" / "you meant something to him".

There is also something to be said for the Archdragons being the most powerful embodiment of the primal sources (alongside maybe some rare and noteworthy elves, like Queen Aditi) still being "unable to risk a direct confrontation" with only one singular and Fallen Startouch elf. What would a whole slew of them at the height of their power look like? (And yet it is implied that the Nova Blade is "ivory draconic" so... maybe you just have to get a First Elf close enough to the mouth to be consumed / bitten? Or perhaps the Nova Blade is made from the tooth/claw of a 'Star' arcanum dragon.)

TLDR; it's looking more and more like Startouch elves as we understand them and First Elves in generally are — while emotive and feeling the way humans and elves are — something very different from anything else we've seen thus far in terms of knowledge and power skill, and that distinction is only going to be made more and more apparent as the story goes on.

Theory #3: Where do we go from here?

So if Deep Magic is distinct from Primal, and is distinct from 2/3 kinds of Deep Magic in dark magic (derived from 5-primal and Power deep magic thoughts)... where do we go from here, magically speaking?

Well, the important thing to note is that the story has given us some thematic clues. Aaravos is concerned with exile and power, both things we see thematically most represented by human characters (with some elven exceptions like Karim and Kim'Dael). The other Star touch elves are very on brand for "Xadian exile" as their favourite punishment as well as extreme isolationism ("I knew I had to be strong alone" etc). Therefore, whatever answer we give Magically also has to reconcile these issues from a thematic and character based standpoint.

It seems like a switch of where people are concentrating energy — for Startouch elves and humans — needs to have a drastic shift to one of the other veins/concepts of deep magic that will hopefully heal the rifts. If Aaravos is Power (humans) and the others are 'Mind' (Xadian indifference/isolation and banishment) for lack of a better idea, then subverting that binary and shifting more to a third 'Love' path seems to be very on brand for TDP. Holding both at the same time but being guided by a higher principle of peace and harm reduction is what Ezran's 4x03 speech is all about, after all.

Something something both Xadia and magic and the First Elves being reunited with Xadia / humanity and elvenkind as TDP's endgame, something something.

Other Gift Giving Thoughts

The other thing I wanna talk about now that everything else is laid out is how gifts are Given, in TDP. We see time and time again relationships and magic systems being framed on the idea of whether they are giving, taking, both in a bad way or in a good way. There seems to be two main indicators for gift giving, therefore, either that in the receiver is worthy, or that the exchange is going to be reciprocal.

At its best, a gift works as intended.

Humans (and elves?) are given primal magic and generally use it for exploration and to care for themselves / one another The sun seed is given to the Sunfire elves, but they must nurture it. Callum gives Rayla her father's bow and she uses it to protect them. Callum achieves enlightenment and understanding of him and is rewarded with primal magic twice, even if the Ocean in particular is a bit murkier than he'd probably like. Gifts and belongings are relinquished or restored for freedom, for hope, for peace.

Here we have to wonder if Leola's Last Wish reconciles both the Goodbye gift motif and the gift of Magic motif, possibly resulting in the gift of the sun seed or more likely something to do with primal magic / alleviate the fallout of dark magic's consequences.

For example, to get an answer from Rex Igneous — a seeming wealth of knowledge — you have to give him a worthy gift that is also a sacrifice of some kind, according to Nath'an.

However, Ezran points out the major flaw in this line of thinking, as "We offered gifts that meant a lot to us, but the truth is, they don't mean anything to you." Not everyone is going to value the same thing or think the same thing is worth the price that was paid.

We see this interpersonally most with the mage fam ("Maybe the world would be better off without magic" from Soren, whose life was saved with it) and with Rayla and Callum (as Rayla's gift of sacrifice by leaving is something Callum did not want and rightfully did not receive well, alongside her moonstone pendant). Again: what is defined as worthy, or worthiness, is in the eye of the beholder.

Just like one of the initial thoughts that inspired this meta, Khessa asserts that dark magic is a magic that "takes" > being reciprocal for both parties, nevermind a gift. The irony, however, runs a bit deeper, as Aaravos thinks the same of his fellow stars:

But the stars kept from them one secret still: that their first lesson—patience—was not a gift of the stars at all. You see, patience is a lesson the humans taught themselves. No, the stars do not know patience, for they have no need for it. The stars want for nothing, and take all to their liking.

And we see this idea of a 'false gift' show up time and time again in the series. Nyx pretends to offer passage but actually wants to steal Zym; Rayla's act of love in leaving is a curse upon Callum's heart and wellbeing; dark magic itself is a false trade of sorts, given how unevenly it tips scales in Aaravos' favour and how much it ruins both the environment and body of its caster.

[The elven thief Lasair] never saw the precious blossoms fade and turn to cold ashes when exposed to the dawn. They never learned their gift was perceived as a curse, not a trade.

—Tales of Xadia

Kim'Dael goes to Queen Aditi under false pretences ("The Queen's Mercy") but the gift that Aditi gives her is nothing good at all:

What pretty bauble, she wondered, had she tricked the queen into forging as a token of protection? What could be powerful enough to ward away the wrath of dragons?

Just as humans sought the stars' help to protect them from the ire of the dragons, Kim'Dael sought Aditi's. And just as Aaravos offered them a false magic that would protect and ultimately trap/destroy then, so does Aditi, with magic that doesn't seem to be entirely dark or primal:

“But know this: the binding around your neck—it is made with magic not unlike your own. It is a magic that demands, that takes."

A form of magic even maybe that demands sacrifice for that kind of Power.

You could almost say it's something Deeper.

Conclusion

Hope you enjoyed going completely off the rails with me, and that this long (winded) post got you thinking! I'll probably do a followup discussing the implications of what we have here for potential Laurelion-Aaravos later. In the meantime, take the fruits of my labour, and spin your own hamster wheels if you'd like.

#the dragon prince #tdp #tdp meta #gift motif #analysis series #dark magic #primal magic #worldbuilding #analysis #deep lore dive #i'm also pretty sure aaravos or someone got cast out bc of the primal magic thing too #stars wanted a punishment of some kind. yeah #but more on that later #something something 'but this isn't true strength. it's only power'

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enderdeservesbetter · 5 months ago

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RATING SPEAK NOW (TAYLOR'S VERSION)

With 16 votes in the poll above, I'm going to listen to Speak Now (Taylor's Version) for the first time, I think I've heard some bridges but nothing more.

Ok, I don't have much more to say, so let's get started.

I have found MANY songs from my childhood here, so don't pay attention to me being happy because I listened to songs and they brought me good times

SONG LIST:

Mine (Taylor's Version) 3.5/5

+1 From the instrumental I can see Taylor dancing in the fearless outfits on the eras tour <3 // +1 She sounds so jovial, even if it's a re-recording she sounds SO GOOD // +1.5 some lines sound a little strange, but there are others that are SO GOOD

For an album opener, it's strange but it's beautiful and how it prepares you with a soft and jovial dance energy. I can tell you that I have experienced the situation you describe, and all with the person who made me feel TSMWEL.

Sparks Fly (Taylor's Version) 4/5

+1.5? I REMEMBER THIS INSTRUMENTAL AS IF I WAS IN PRIMARY SCHOOL, it's so beautiful to listening after so many years 🩷 // +1 something the vocal feels a little empty, but it's ok // +1.5 I remember only hearing the 'drop everything else, meet me in the pouring rain' and it's so nice to find the song where it came from.

Believe it or not, it was one of the few songs that I heard on the street before 1989 in my country and that's where I know that lyric existed.

Back To December (Taylor's Version) 4/5

+1 I know that I have heard this song from somewhere else, but I don't know where, in my childhood. // +1.5 She sounds sad even on the rerecording wow, she really screwed up // +1.5 I HAVE HEARD THIS LYRICS IN MY CHILDHOOD, I KNOW, IN THE SUPERMARKET

While I said I hadn't heard any songs from this album, the bridge came up a lot in compilation videos and I thought I wouldn't like it as much, but the song is really nice

Speak Now (Taylor's Version) 3.5/5

+1.5 I think I focused so much on the fact that these songs are almost from my childhood, that I forgot to comment that it is so beautiful to listen to instrumentals without so much synth-pop // +1 I remember this song sung with an almost childish tone, and now I hear it with a voice of a completely mature woman and it is so... shocking and beautiful // +1.5 Sorry, the whole scene so beautifully described and making sense when sung is an enormous achievement and she was 20 years old (or so)!

It feels like that time I accidentally got lost in the supermarket and a similar Taylor song was playing and I swear I think I can find it on this album

Dear John (Taylor's Version) 4.5/5

+1.5 It's a 7 minute song, but hey it's enjoyable... // +1 HER VOICE IT'S STILL BROKEN :(( // +2 MY GOD, JOHN, you can't be that shitty! I'm kidding, you are.

Ah yes, a 7 FUCKING MINUTES song how beautiful! But as a person who was groomed when I was 12 and he was 19 (Taylor's age when she made this song, and the age I am now...) this song is strong, I haven't started crying because I mourned that month years ago, but I think the scar never goes away and is very visible. What I mean is that it's not something you live with and say "I have no regrets."

Mean (Taylor's Version) 3.5/5

+1.5 The instrumental feels fuller than the original, without being overpowering and I honestly like it more than the original // ... 1 Something I don't like is the beginning of each verse that seems like a tongue twister, but when you read it quickly it's not difficult, but it's difficult to understand Taylor when she sings it. // +1.5 I love the imagery and the way of describing the words, the weakness, the feeling of inferiority and the hope that the situation will change and the other person will see that they cannot make you feel bad again.

Something I've noticed in the songs so far between this album and Reputation is the structural pattern, it doesn't exist in Lover anymore... And honestly I like this pattern better

The History Of Us (Taylor's Version) 4/5

+1.5 That instrumental is one that I would love to listen to without lyrics! // +1 She sounds so beautiful, such a sad song in such a happy rhythm // +1.5 The lyrics are so rhymically pleasant that they scratch parts of my brain that were hidden and it's 2AM and I can't start dancing

Another song that is part of my childhood, please someone save me! It feels like I'm listening to the music on the 5 a.m. radio when I'm with my grandfather for morning coffee, and at the same time it feels like a walk through the mall while I help my mom buy food for the week and sing songs that my father would definitely forbid

Never Grow Up (Taylor's Version) 4.5/5

+1.5 I didn't even listen to the song twice and I was already crying // +1 I'm aware that she doesn't know me but I feel like she's telling my story (minus the moving part) and she's talking to my little self // +1.5 She sounds so beautiful and the lyrics are so vivid!

Now TTPD feels bland "but it has a lot of analogy and and and" no, thank you. It is insipid and lifeless, not that it lacks complexity. (Another note) THANK YOU FOR BREAKING MY HEART AGAIN WITH A SONG RELATED TO CHILDHOOD AND INNOCENCE

Enchanted (Taylor's Version) 4/5

+1 I've heard this song everywhere and I didn't want to listen to it in its entirety and it's so beautiful // +1.5 She sounds so dreamy it feels like I'm interrupting something very private // +1.5 I think I'm going to give it an additional point because despite the repetitions, and the fact that it's 6 minutes, it didn't stand out at all.

Another 6 minute song, I complain a lot, but how I am enjoying this! It feels so nice, full of life after TTPD, I mean I know it's the concept and everything, but honestly the more I hear from Taylor, that album is one place lower in my ranking, only surpassing Lover at the moment

Better Than Revenge (Taylor's Version) 4.5/5

+1.5 OH MY GOD THAT INSTRUMENTAL IS ALL THAT'S GOOD!! // +1.5 Seriously, this whole album sounds so in her style that it makes me want to listen to Fearless (Taylor's Version) right now // +1.5 I love the change of lyrics, and I love how she describes the person but well, she wasn't the best person and Taylor definitely had no qualms at that time

Innocent (Taylor's Version) 4/5

+1.5 The instrumentals remind me of The Anthology 🤍 // +2 Another song that goes on my playlist called little child, it's so beautiful

I think the songs that never failed to hit me are the songs related to childhood and innocence, and this album is full of them.

Haunted (Taylor's Version) 4.5/5

+1.5 I can't stop loving the instrumentals! // +1.5 She sounds so good in this style!! // +1.5 The lyrics go so well with the instrumental and THOSE HIGH NOTES FOR GOD! I swear I understand this lyrics to heart

Everything makes so much sense in this composition, the occasional violins, the electric guitar, the high notes, EVERYTHING

Last Kiss (Taylor's Version) 3.5-4/5

?1.5 I don't know whether or not to give this instrumental a point because it's late, I'm sleepy and I'm falling asleep listening to it // +1 she still sounds very heartbroken :( // +1.5 She waited for that kiss like I waited for that "last.... kiss"

It is incredible to know that she wrote such works that one says "now there are people who do it" "there were before too" I still haven't found anyone who does it so vividly, with such accuracy and ALSO that you can see yourself in the music and that you also appreciate that other history

Long Live (Taylor's Version) 5/5

+1.5 This album should stop having such good instrumentals! // +1.5 I feel like she is telling me these stories as if I were her daughter, and as if she were giving me an old book of these same ones. // +2 I can't help it, this yes or yes is my favorite, the imagery, the way of putting it into words, the message in general. I can't not give it a 5/5

How bad would it be if I dedicated this song to my brother, who was always my best adventure partner even if now we are not as close as before?

Ours (Taylor's Version) 3.5/5

+1 The first sentence was right, this song sounds like an elevator song // +1 She sounds so happy, I guess it's a bit of an act, but it may also have been that reconnecting with this part has helped // +1.5 Another song about getting into people's lives and with such a beautiful message in between (not the muse, I care so little)

I would listen to this song while I am doing homework or other things, it is one of those songs that you put on to sing and it becomes the soundtrack of the chore you are doing. I'm not saying it's bad, but it doesn't grab my attention THAT much.

Superman (Taylor's Version) 3.5/5

+1.5 Another song that she song that she would dance in the Fearless dress // +1 She feels so comfortable in this element that it hurts // +1.5 Oooh how I feel this lyric! She is so dreamy and so free at the same time, how beautiful 🩷

Seriously, every time I think she changed the type of dress indicated because there were no colors or because of the representative colors of the albums because I don't think you can dance this in a ball gown, but I guess that's not the vibe she wanted to give either, but hey, the Eras Tour is about to end and it was still magnificent

AND WITH THIS, WE END WITH THE ORIGINAL VERSION OF SPEAK NOW

Electric Touch (From The Vault) 3.5/5

+1.5 How do I not download every instrumental on this album??? // +1.5 I love Fall Out Boy and I love that he had a whole verse and it sounds so good with Taylor... // ...1 That first moment of meeting a person and having everything vibrate with anticipation, it is something that I wouldn't change for anything.

I feel that it is a very tender song and at the same time very passionate, even hormonal, and although I love it with just one listen, it doesn't quite fit with Speak Now, but it doesn't fit with any other album.

When Emma Falls In Love (From The Vault) 3/5

+1 That soft piano at the beginning🤍 // ...1 I'm going to be honest, there is a second voice that bothers me and all the "ss" sound like hissing. // +1.5 It's such a beautiful song, about a person who handles love in his private life in a fairly healthy way in Taylor's environment is incredible

Imagine that you are the inspiration of a talented friend and on top of that she makes a song, and tries to learn from you. Well, it doesn't happen to me, but it does to Emma Stone.

I'm not saying that this isn't a spectacular song, but the AUDIO QUALITY is horrible, and the whole experience is...

I Can See You (From The Vault) 3.5/5

+1 I can't believe that even though it's a different genre, the instrumental automatically reminds me of imgonnagetyouback // +1 She sounds so sexy and with such a high rhythm, it's almost perfect but I don't know what she's missing :( // +1.5 It's definitely a song that would be on Reputation, with a different rhythm, with such daring lyrics.

I'm going to be completely honest, I'm listening to the YouTube playlist, and I'm playing the MV in the background. Honestly the story is great, but it bothers me that there is no clean audio on the official playlist.

Castles Crumbling (From The Vault) 3/5

+0.5 It has many synthetic touches aaaaa we were going so well :( // +1.5 HOW HAYLEY SOUNDS, WHAT A BEAUTIFUL HARMONY! They sound so good // +2 The song that was about fame and how it affected her life was missing on this album :( this song is sad and tragic and beautiful at the same time

Foolish One(From The Vault) 3.5/5

+1 What beautiful instrumental // +1 She is singing the song to me who doesn't talk to any human being apart from my family. // +1.5 Definitely my song

It's strange but I feel like the quality has gone down on the From The Vault songs, but they are still beautiful

Timeless (From The Vault) 3/5

Here the lyrics feel like a mixture of ideas that is difficult to make sense of in a song with these lyrics, I guess she wanted to make an overly complicated image OF HER OWN STORY, But if she was simply talking about people and how time affected love in general, and not directed at a single muse, the whole scene would have been better, but HEY, this song already came out like this so ...

Conclusion: I know I've criticized TTPD a lot, but I remember reading many times that Taylor Swift's last album was similar to this one, because of the number of long lines, and yes they do. But to TTPD, TTPD lacked life, not emotion, life. I don't know how to explain it, but even Midnights had more life than TTPD. I understand that these are all individual concepts and completely difficult to put together.

Further, speaking about Speak Now (Taylor's Version) there are some VERY good things on the original album and others that are good, but I feel that in the From The Vault section the quality dropped a lot.

3.5-4/5

#taylor swift #ttpd #the tortured poets department #reputation #speak now taylor’s version

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chrismcshell · 5 months ago

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good morning don't mind me i just want to preserve the text of this scam email i got because i have never received one like it before and it is fascinating to me. big fan of the writing style. this person should be posting on tumblr instead of spending their time trying to scare people into giving them money

lil slur warning if u choose to read it; there is one r slur in there (it's misspelled which is very funny to me)

anyway here's an excerpt of my favourite lines in the whole lengthy email, then the full text below the cut:

In other words, you were under my microscope for many days like some kind of a little bug. The only difference is that unlike you there is no bug in the world who like to watch pervert porn.

from: You've been hacked subject: Check this out - I own very sensitive information about your web activities

Greetings!

First of all, let me tell you, you are one of a kind! It is hard to impress me because I have seen a lot in my career as a professional hacker but now I am really impressed.

I will get straight to the point. Listen to me carefully.

Several months ago, I was able to hack your operating system and gain full access to all your devices and accounts including messengers, social media profiles, etc. I hope, now you begin to get my message. It goes without saying that I gained access to what you type via keylogger, your internet activity and webcam streaming. All of this was possible due to your frequent visits to adult websites infected with harmful malware. In other words, you were under my microscope for many days like some kind of a little bug. The only difference is that unlike you there is no bug in the world who like to watch pervert porn.

Yes, you understand it right: I was able to see everything on your screen and record video and audio streams of your camera and microphone. All of these records are currently securely saved on my storage as well as a backup copy.

In addition, I also gained access to your confidential information contained in your emails and chat messages.

Probably you are wondering why your antivirus and spyware defender software allowed me to do all of this? I am sorry but it’s a very stupid question. All antivirus programs turned into useless shit quite a long time ago. Have you ever heard last years about any “advanced” new technologies in this industry? Exactly. Nowadays, developers do not give a flying fuck about your security. Therefore, hackers like me took advantage of it.

The more you know my friend, no need to thank me. Maybe with this fresh knowledge, you will be more serious about your internet security and never take it for granted anymore.

With that out of the way, let’s cut to the chase. Using your recordings I made a video compilation, which shows on the left side the controversial porn scenes of you happily masturbating to, while on the right side it demonstrates the video you were watching at that moment.. ^.^

There are only 48 hours left since the moment you receive this email until I send this video to all your email and messenger contacts. But there is more, guess what? I can also make public all your emails and chat history.

You are sick fuck in love with freaky adult content but you are not mentally retarted so I would like to believe, you do not want to let this happen. Right? Only the most stupid man in the world would be happy if his friends, loved ones and colleagues suddenly knew about something like this.

In other words, there is no way back. It cannot be fixed. However, there is a way forward that both of us can benefit from. I am a reasonable guy and have no intention to ruin your life for nothing. I’d better like to gain something instead.

Here is your salvation – transfer the Bitcoin equivalent of 900 USD to my Bitcoin account (you can google the process in case you don’t know how to do that).

Here is my Bitcoin address: [redacted]

Once I am notified of receiving it, I will delete all those videos and disappear from your life for good. As I mentioned, you have only 48 hours to make a transaction after you open this email.

Believe me, I am always one step ahead so no way in hell you could fool me. If I discover that you shared this message with others, I will send and publish your videos in no time.

P.S. It’s in your power to make it nice for both of us.

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cardcaptorsakura96 · 1 year ago

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Fairy Tales

Fandom: Supergirl

Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor

Characters: Kara Danvers, Lena Luthor, Original Danvers/Luthor Children, Jess, Zatara, Zatanna, Billy Batson, Lillian Luthor, Alex Danvers, Kelly Olsen, Kanna (original character), Krypto,

Summary: Lena finally has the work and home life balance that she wants and is excited to get to spend the next two weeks that she has off with the girls while Kara is away. She believes that it will be smooth sailing, but things are not as they seem.

Word Count: 2,693

Chapter: 1/7

A couple of months ago Lena felt overwhelmed that she was constantly choosing her job over her children. She constantly missed events and nearly spiraled when she thought that she was failing her children. However, after making the decision to step back from work and focus on the girls, she felt a sense of balance and inner peace. When she hired her friend Sam Arias as her COO, she initially thought that it would be a six month transition of her handing over most of the reins of the company to her. However, Lena was impressed with Sam’s adaptability. It took Sam one month to become acquainted with everything. The last two weeks she transitioned from coming in six days a week to now only going into the office one day a week and working only a couple of days at home. She would now be able to be home once the girls get off from school. Her new arrangement finally gave her the time to focus on the girls and on projects that she was interested in instead of the Board.

Currently, Lena was doing some of the most difficult work she has come across. Lena sat in her living room on the couch going over a file of a person of interest: Sam Waterson. She sipped on a glass of wine while staring intensely into the details that her detectives compiled.

After going through the file for five more minutes, she scoffed, “There is nothing special about this kid.”

She shakes her head and reads the file again just to make sure she didn’t miss anything.

She then proceeded to go over another file. It had list of 6 names and profiles of each person. Each of them had potential.

“Which of you can replace Sam I wonder” thought Lena.

She was so engrossed in the file that she didn’t realize that Kara had arrived home.

“Hey babe. I’m home. I come bearing gifts.”

“Hi darling. I have dinner already set up on the table” said Lena while still staring at the file.

“I know I am late, but I thought I would get a little warmer welcome” said Kara pouting while holding a box of chocolates and roses.

“I love you too dear” said Lena while flipping through the file still.

Kara's eyes narrowed and quickly walked to Lena to see what had her so engrossed. Her eyes widened when she saw the contents of the folder.

“Lena.”

“Yes dear” said Lena, still looking at the file.

“Why do you have a file on a couple of Alexa and Liza’s classmates?”

“Alexa needs new friends” said Lena while looking at the file.

“Alexa does have a friend.”

“There is something wrong there” Lena muttered while sipping her wine.

Kara rolled her eyes and asked, “Is this because Alexa said that he was her boyfriend? You remember she explained to us that he is a boy that happens to be a friend. She didn’t mean anything more by that.”

“No.”

“Then what is it? You have never been this way about any other friend the girls have made.”

Lena sighed, rubbed her temple, and said, “I guess there is two parts. One, she just dropped her other friends around the time that Sam and her became friends. He is the only one she talks to in class outside of Liza.”

“That isn’t too unusual. Kids constantly change friends in school.”

“Well, the stronger part is that I just have a gut feeling. Every time I look at that kid something screams wrong to me. I don’t know how to explain it. And my instincts tell me to do what my family normally does. Investigate. I know it is too much, but…”

Lena put down the file, sighed, and put her face in her hands. Kara sat down wrapped her arms around Lena.

Read the rest on AO3 https://archiveofourown.org/works/48715462/chapters/122887165

#kara danvers #supergirl #lena luthor #dc comics #dc universe #supercorp #kara danvers x lena luthor #supercorp fanfiction #fanfic #fanfiction #ao3 fanfic #supergirl fanfiction #dc fanfiction #kara danvers x lena luthor fanfiction #kara danvers fanfiction #lena luthor fanfiction

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randomvarious · 1 day ago

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Today's compilation:

Joyful Tunes 1999 Holiday / Vocal Jazz / Traditional Pop

Hey, it's holiday music week here at Random Various, so happy holidays, everyone! 🎅🎄🤶 I've managed to collect a few Christmas comps over the course of this year, and now's the perfect time to start unwrappin' 'em, so let's get to it! 🎁🎁🎁

Today we've got something from a pretty unlikely source: a now-defunct retail furniture chain called The Bombay Company. I'd never heard of this business before doing some serious sleuthing in order to figure out just exactly what I was about to listen to today, but apparently they had over 400 locations across the US and Canada, and then went belly-up in the late 2000s and closed every single store. And I'd imagine that during the holiday season in 1999, while you were perusing Bombay's wares, they'd be playing a bunch of the music that's on this little CD right here, which they probably sold in their stores too.

Now, some of you may be thinking that there's absolutely no way that some big furniture chain would be putting out a Christmas comp that's worth your while. And you're not totally wrong about that; a lot of this comp is just...not very remarkable. But still, it deserves a little bit of credit for one thing: they made sure not to recycle *all* of the same Christmas music that you'd be bound to hear while doing your holiday shopping at other stores. Basically, your radio stations that transform themselves into Christmas music jukeboxes in November, and all the stores you do your holiday shopping in too, would have you believing that there're really only a few dozen handfuls of Christmas songs that've ever been released, and that's why you tend to hear the same ones over and over and over every year, ad infinitum. But it's not true; there are tons and tons of Christmas songs and lesser-known renditions of holiday standards that just don't get played very much, and this comp unexpectedly has some of them.

But only one of them on here happens to actually be really good: "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" by the great Lou Rawls, a nice soul-jazz number that really starts to earn its keep during the second half, when there's a sudden addition of some satisfyingly mellow-bonging xylo to accompany Lou's voice 😌.

But other than that not-so-common inclusion, I don't think that any of these lesser-known choices are really any better than what's already been engraved in our collective Christmas songbook that the music powers that be like to crack open in unison for us every year. In a parallel universe, maybe some of these tunes could've been the ones that were in that songbook too, but they're not, so they languish in relative obscurity instead, because the people who program the Christmas music playlists that accompany all our hustle and bustle have decided, for whatever reason, that they're not worthy. But I don't really think that something like Patti Page's "Christmas Bells" is any better or worse than any of the other far more accessible Christmas oldies that get significantly more run than it does, so it's a little strange to not hear it very often, especially considering Page's legacy as one of the single-most popular stars of her own generation too 🤷‍♂️. So kudos to The Bombay Company, of all entities, for trying to be a little bit different than most other businesses on this particular Christmas oldies front. Your quarter-century-ago efforts are not going unnoticed here!

Highlights:

Ella Fitzgerald - "Sleigh Ride" Lou Rawls - "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas"

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horseb0y · 4 months ago

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About that "palestinian scammer"

In the end, I decided to delete my post on, who I called, "a possible scammer pretending to be palestinian". It was long overdue.

While there were some really off-putting things and I was not the only one to raise doubts on the patterns and attitudes of this user, I don't believe it deserved all that attention.

I was really mad when I wrote it because I had previous encounters with well-documented scammers pretending to be palestinian. I even promoted some of those posts in the beginning in a well-meaning but ill-fated intent. This was before the wave of actual palestinian families using Tumblr as a legitimitate means to personally reach out for aid, the widespread knowledge on campaigns and the concentrated efforts of pre-established palestinian and arab users for compiling and vetting campaigns.

Not sure if I've ever said this before here, but I never expected my blog to gain certain "recognition" (in many quotations; do not take this as bragging) simply for posting and sharing about fundraisers. It was wild. To this day, I still don't know how to process it.

But coming back to this specific situation; I was really confident at the time of my points. I saw no faults in my logic. However, in time, with continuous kind feedback from users in the comments and me gaining knowledge from contact with palestinian folks in Gaza, the many gaps in my argumentation became more apparent. The most notable fuck up was my use of Swedish Kronas (SEK) to demerit the legitimacy of the campaign. This was absolute dogshit. While not as common, there are legitimate fundraisers that use this currency, which I was completely unaware at the time. And I spread misinformation because of it.

Even at the time (like 2-3 months ago), something didn't sit right with me. I felt guilty. And as events passed, I came to the conclusion that it wasn't worth and I might've caused more harm that good. And that broke me.

Was it really worth going against this strange person while creating more doubts and misinformation around the topic of palestinian GoFundMes? Was it really worth putting all this energy on this guy with the unintended consequence that it might make it harder for palestinian folks to reach out? For me, the answer was no.

I know this may seem exaggerated for y'all, but it has made me reflect and ask some hard questions to myself.

I can make a post, log off and keep going, because I'm privileged enough to not be the target of a genocide for over 70 years. I'm privileged enough to have a roof, food, clothes, water and my loved ones near me. Palestinians don't have that. They had no choice.

Talking with palestinians, interacting with this community and being involved in a group where there are other persons who are also helping palestinians in Gaza changed my perspective and made me more conscious about not overstepping or talking on behalf of them as if that was my experience.

My mind has changed on how I want to keep fighting for palestinian liberation. I find it more productive and positive, for myself and others, sharing GFMs and organizing community efforts to raise funds. It's not easy and it's very emotionally draining, but I can see how the community reaction changes. It's simultaneously powerful, yet, forces you to be accountable and let other hold you accountable.

So, in a nutshell, that's why I decided to take down the post. I saw some folks linking it as a response to this person and others; a part of me feels a little bad that now there's a ton of dead links without an explanation (lol). I'm not sure who's this gonna reach or who's gonna read this melodramatic post till the end, but I hope you understand and respect my decision.

Are there still scammers pretending to be palestinians? Probably, yeah. Due your due diligence and find resources you can consult. But also don't be afraid to question or correct things.

However, things have mutated; it's not as black-and-white, case-and-point as it used to. Palestinians have reshaped the tools for themselves (which is great).

Being aware and sketptical is important. But so is recognizing your power and the consequences of misusing it. You're stepping over others when you attempt to speak with authority without having that lived experiences nor being continuallyt affected by them.

Before ending this post, I want to apologize to any palestinian who my post may have affected. I'm deeply sorry and deeply regret it. I'm commited to your liberation, ending the occupation and helping you to safety. I mean it.

#I'm not sure what to tag this #and I'm not sure if I'm comfortable doing so #caruso writes

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lonita · 1 year ago

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I believe

I can't remember when I first compiled this, at least 20 years ago. But you do find the oddest things when you go digging around your hard drive. This was a list of things I believe in. I probably still believe in (most) of them.

that you should avoid the necessity for deathbed regrets

in perfect moments

in vodka cocktails

in throwing your windows wide, and leaving them that way, the first day the weather's pleasant enough to allow it

in the power of the written word

in being easy like a Sunday morning

in foggy afternoons

in large salads with lots of different things in them

in sampling it, looping it, fucking it, eating it, and spitting it out

in old movies

in not being tiresome

that no part of a human, body or soul, can be ignored in the belief that it will ultimately aid the other

in scratching itches

in keeping a journal

that you shouldn't let the limitations of others become your own

in used bookstores

in the sound of rain

in the lushness of autumn leaves

that you can't ignore your past in order to reinvent your future

in Key Lime Pie

in only enough spice to augment food, not obscure it

in savouring the moment

that sometimes you need to do the things you're most afraid of

in knowing how to live and let live

in Andy Partridge

in the ridge of lime just to the south of me, full of trees and fossils and paths to explore

in being mad as a hatter

in wearing hats

that we should treat those in the service industry with better respect

in squishing your toes in the sand

that sugar in tea is a violation of all that is holy and good

that everyone should swing on a swing now and then

in puns

in random acts of silliness

that rock and roll ain't noise pollution

that monopolies should be illegal

that learning doesn't need to be had at the expense of fun and enjoyment

that knowledge means very little if you cannot apply it

that you can eat cheese and pickles without them being on a sandwich first

that you should learn how to take a hint

in making snow angels

in being left alone

in being sociable

in knowing when to speak, and what not to say, and how to speak in general

in gettin' up offa that thing and dancin' til you feel better

that lemon pie should be made without meringue

in baseball

in more cocoa than sugar in chocolate

in real sugar

in the rustling of leaves

in pea soup as a comfort food

in Gary Numan's "Replicas"

that banks should be slapped silly for the fees they charge for everyday services

in strong tea

in leaping outside of your habits

in cream cheese and crackers

in the smell of salt sea air

in making the most of it

in the desolate nature of deserts

in navel oranges and ruby grapefruit

in jazz

that sometimes you need to do things simply for the fact that they're there to be done

in good friends

in poetry

that no one should go hungry

you should know how to hear people and listen to them

in questioning things and challenging yourself

in not wasting land on the burial of the dead

in lounging and relaxation

in valuing yourself

that you should work to live, not live to work

that bread should be lightly toasted and heavily buttered

that "river" is a luscious word

in being charitable

that science and art are not mutually exclusive

in the ability of science fiction to relate lessons that other genres are too afraid to touch

that in many ways, far more than we realise, that while there's life there's hope

that postsecondary education should be at no charge

in lime rind green anything

that everyone should know how to make a good cup of tea

that compromise doesn't have to mean unfair sacrifice

that sometimes the best and only way to resist, is the path of least resistance

in comfortable clothing

in keeping your brother without controlling him

in late-night TV watching

that every single person on this planet should get at least one hug every day

in warm blankets on a cold night

in singing along, even if you can't sing

in comfortable shoes

in singing the blues

that once you take your own share of blame, you need less and less to embrace the concept of blame at all

in learning to live with a sadness without wallowing in it

in grace under pressure

that you should put milk in your tea, and cream in your coffee

that doctors should be paid as well as athletes

that we should appreciate the spirit of honest giving, even if we don't appreciate the gift

in junk shops

in occasionally staying up all night "just because"

in abstract photography

that growing up doesn't mean giving up

in colourful decor

that each of us is a far better and far worse person than anyone else believes us to be

everyone should learn to play at least one musical instrument

that hypocrisy is one of the greatest sins we commit

in beer served by the Imperial pint

sharing what you know with others

in blank notebooks

that heroes are fallible

in randomness

in not treating people like commodities

in weekend afternoons with comfortable films

in lemony anything

that you should accept what you deserve, even if you don't like it

in making lists

in appreciation of culture

in colouring books and crayons

in speaking up for yourself

a good night's (or day's) sleep

in summiting something

that blood relations don't automatically equate to kinship

that cursing is an art

in bright lighting

in cut and paste

in cheese

in loud music

in ketchup as a condiment

that fanaticism is a form of insanity

in warm spring days

in shared laughter

in the concept that "The foolish and the dead alone, fail to change their opinions."

in a decent haircut

in knowing how to make a silk purse out of a sow's ear

in colourful bras

in toys built for fun

in the learning of foreign tongues

in fresh breezes on a warm day

that all people are bizarre in their own way

in banana ice cream

in stop-motion filming

in fresh ideas

in Timothy Dalton's Welsh accent

in mushy peas

in bar bands

in rubber duckies

in hand-written letters

in collage

in postcards

in DIY

in finding secret places that you keep to yourself, and the ones that you share

in the delight of new gadgets

in LEGO

in Lite-Brite

in being tenacious

in hobbies that delight you

in accepting flaws

that you should know, if not where to find something, at least how to go about finding it (research of any kind is very important)

in homemade mayonnaise

in surrounding yourself with books

in dancing like a mad bastard

in pi

in old James Bond films

that if life hands you lemons, you should make pie (everything is better with pie)

in the alliteration of Poe's "The Raven"

in Robert Frost's "The Road Not Taken"

in going low budget

in Word Association Football

in chocolate-covered almonds

in peppermint

in keeping a very long list of things to be happy about in a notebook that is falling apart at the seams

in the perfect pair of blue jeans

in tattoos

in the art of (non-sexual) seduction

in medium-rare steak with nowt to drown it

in pudding

in being shy

in being bold

in dreams

in putting the funk in functional

in cleanliness

in twinkle-lights all year 'round

in not playing weak simply to gain an advantage

in flights of fancy

that dates should be written year/month/day or day/month/year

that "there is nothing good or bad, but thinking makes it so." (William Shakespeare, Hamlet)

#lists #beliefs #journal #bio

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effygiraffetalks · 2 years ago

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Agreement with DK Records Has Been Made | 'Effy Giraffe: The Hits Collection' Releasing Next Week

Effy Giraffe: The Hits Collection hit quite a road bump when I wanted to include Effy Productions distributed song I'm Alive on my upcoming hits compilation.

The release was suppose to hit streaming sites a month ago, but a disagreement with my current label shelved the release until now.

The album is set to release next week, but why the sudden change of heart you might be asking? As you know, I make every penny off of I'm Alive streams, they felt they were entitled to a cut. Seeing as the single hit nearly 30,000 streams on Spotify alone I wasn't willing to sign the song rights over to my label, losing any future profit of the track.

So there was only two solutions, cut the song or scrap the entire compilation. Instead, a third option arose. DK Records partnered with Amazon and Deezer to drop the album exclusively a week early and within that week DK Records will take 100% royalties.

After that week they'll be making 100% royalties from every other song EXCEPT for I'm Alive.

Overall, I'm very excited for the release. We remastered all of the songs, and even included a solo mix of One Night Stand (due to the drama with my former collaborator). It's a nice call back to my career as a whole.

Many have responded stating none of the songs are hits, but I disagree and I want to break down why I selected each.

01. Broke My Heart

2018 was a hard year for me. I broke up with someone who was very abusive. I had already retired by this time and used music as therapy to try and get over the break up. It was such a tough time, and stats proved the song did pretty well. It was the first pop song I pushed out in 2 years, so a lot of fans ate it up.

I also think lyrically and electronically it was just such a great song. One I was very proud of, so including it felt like a MUST. Plus, it was never featured on an album before.. so I wanted to give it the spotlight it truly deserves!

02. I'm Alive

While including this song halted the albums release, it was a must for me. With nearly 30,000 streams on Spotify alone, in my book THAT'S A HIT. This compilation is promoting my return mainly, so including a single that'll end up being on one of my two upcoming albums is major.

03. Whips & Chains (Nail Me Right)

To say this song isn't a hit is such a darn lie. I released this gem around EASTER as a single from my farewell release Out of this World. SO MANY PEOPLE criticized the song, but that only brought on more revenue. It was a hit for all the wrong reasons, but I LOVED IT. A little controversy goes a long way, and let's be honest. The production and lyrics are just perfect. Out of this World featured some of my best work and this song is proof of that.

04. My Hearts on Fire

This song was a major hit for me over a decade ago. It was first featured on my album Kick Ass Love. It was the albums debut single, and so many loved it. So much so we re-released it on quite a few following albums (Candy Girl).

05. I Am Naughty

Speaking of Kick Ass Love, the albums second single I Am Naughty was yet another proven hit. The song was another one to me thrown on two albums (it made an appearance on Explicit). It was such a fan favorite, so much so I even have a version that featured Nicki Minaj. She, however, did not want me to release the song. It did leak and is around the internet if anyone does happen to want to give that a listen. I can't point you in the right direction for legal reasons, but it was a fun collaboration.

06. Night Time Hooker

Calling this a hit might be an exaggeration, but I believe the song deserves justice! It certainly turned some heads back in the day, but sure. It didn't blow up. Nows a good enough time as any?

07. Vixen

Vixen is another song that had many lives. It appeared on my EP Bad Girl and Candy Girl. It was pretty well received and was pretty different than most of my releases at the time. Sure it had sexual elements, but it had a production value I wasn't doing much of at the time. I remember it actually released as an Amazon MP3 Exclusive along with a song called On The Radio (which is now unreleased). Vixen had a really fun pop rock vibe. Such a hit !

08. Go All The Way

Go All The Way was the very first song of mine that gained a lot of attention. To this day I'd say it was a very very popular song, especially on YouTube. It was simple, fun, very 2010s. No further explanation needed! Total bop!

09. One Night Stand (Solo Version)

Cigarettes & Sex's lead single One Night Stand was a total hit when it released. It featured my ex, and it was really important to me to still include this song for a couple of reasons.

First, it wasn't actually included on The Greatest: The Complete Hits Collection. Which confused a lot of people. It was only ever included in a promo EP for The Greatest, but not the official complete collection. So putting it on a greatest hits album was a MUST!

Second, I wanted to put a version out without him. So we cut him out entirely from this version. And let me just say, it's WAY BETTER!!

10. I Slept With A Priest

This one released more than once. The first one was released on Candy Girl and did pretty well. It was a jaw dropping bop. One year later I decided to re-record the track for Cigarettes & Sex -- which is the version I included on this compilation.

11. Legendary

Finally, I wanted to close the album proving I am one bad ass bitch! And there's no other song proving that than Legendary. The song was never featured on an album, it was a surprise release promoting my unreleased reality series. So it only felt right giving it a spot on an actual album. Plus, it did pretty well. May people suggested I should have took a deeper dive into hip hop (but we saw how EFFY worked out, so I will continue to bow away from that genre)

Overall, I'm excited to have yet another collection of hits all in one album to promote my return.

Stream now:

Amazon First Edition: https://www.amazon.com/music/player/albums/B0C4V3TZ9F

Deezer First Edition:

https://www.deezer.com/en/album/439876607

Everywhere else:

Next Week!

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dreamersingingroses · 4 months ago

Text

My, my, can you believe I'm so unused to being approached by fellow fans (making myself sound like a loser, ik ik) that it took me the better part of the week to realize I had notifications in this blog??

Okay, so @sinna-rou, I did my best to sum up a few sources from 'round this site to perfectly showcase why Chen Feiyu is the best Mo Ran we could've hoped for (answering as a rb so others interested can also acess it).

You probably have already seen some of these, but I thought they were a good starting point!

See, first off, not only does Chen Feiyu share his actual birthday with Mo Ran, he also absolutely LOVES his role, as you can see in this interview and these gifs.

He also has very good chemistry with Luo Yunxi, as you can see in this leak from the production, and he's very much a Mo Ran-shaped nuisance as well: case in point 1, 2, 3, and of course 4.

He's a well-rounded actor that can wear Mo Ran's kindness as well as he does Taxian-jun's madness (there are SO MANY more leaks with txj on tumblr, you'll probably lose it).

I tend not to purposely look up Immortality-related posts because they make me want to tear my hair apart (the cast is just so *chef kiss*, it should be a crime that we've been deprived from their work for so long. I just know they've done their best, and I want this series, like, yesterday).

Now, because I got through the pain of remembering this is something I want but cannot have, take this cwn leak as a bonus (higher resolution on Instagram).

My advice is to just dive into the marvelous tags #2haleaks and #hao yi xing and drown in the sorrow of being part of the collective yearning.

Also there's this little post detailing some of the leaked scenes to look out for, as well as some of the leak-compiling posts in this blog.

I hope to have helped! Chen Feiyu is like—best Mo Ran. I love him. I'm probably not the best person to illustrate why, but I guess enthusiasm about my support of him should make up for my lack of words. Once again, sorry for having taken so long! I totally reblogged more Immortality content a while ago, but I made the mistake of tagging is simply as #erha on my blog, which means digging it up has been... a journey. Because I'm kinda obsessed with the husky and his cat.

I really, really hope we'll eventually get our hands on this series pre-censorship, be it through an unsalvageable leak or a miraculous 'company uploaded the episodes and had them taken down an hour later, but by then fans had already downloaded them all' move (which has, as far-fetched a sit sounds, already happened haha—for those curious, I learned of this on Reddit!).

All in all, I want to be the kind of person that keeps hope alive in the face of hopelessness. Granted, political circumstances could be better and it'll probably be a long while until this will see the light, but we'll probably be here by then, and that's how we sleep at night. Gotta be positive!

okay but WHO WAS GONNA TELL ME that luO YUNXI!!!! is cast as ChU WanNINg? I BEG YOUR FINEST PARDON?

someone’s gonna need to wipe me off the floor if Immortality ever airs because i am not ready

so you’re telling me that this

is the man gonna be playing THE pathetic wet cat, the “no one could ever possibly love me”

the stoic, the graceful yuheng elder

the desperately repressed

The White Cat, Chu Wanning????

i’m done. deceased. wake me up when it’s out

image credits: gifs 1&2 @xiaosean - 3&4 @kimp05 - 5 @trendingdrama - 6 @yilinglaozu - image 7 @inthefaceofadaffodil (also OP of the inciting post mentioned in the tags) - 8 official image

#erha #hyx

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waitimcomingtoo · 3 years ago

Text

As It Was

pairing: Tom Holland x Actress!Reader

Synopsis: you have a personal rule against dating co-stars that causes tension in your friendship with Tom (ft. Harry styles)

Masterlist

“You two obviously have an incredibly chemistry onscreen, so I have to ask. Has that chemistry led to anything offscreen?”

You sucked in a sharp breath but kept your smile as you looked over at Tom. He looked at you too, biting back a smile from knowing how much you hated that question.

“You know, you’re the first person to ever ask us that question.” You said through a forced smile.

“Am I?“ The journalist asked you.

“She’s being sarcastic.” Tom chuckled. “That’s just about the only question we get asked. That and “what kind of underwear do you wear under the suit.”

“You do get that a lot.” You laughed, hoping to change the subject.

“Well that’s what the people want to know.” The journalist said. “So is there anything going on between the two of you that we should know about? Any secret romance?”

“Oh my God.” You mumbled a little louder than you meant to. Tom felt his cheeks heat up but kept quiet.

“I’ll take that as a no?” The journalist chuckled.

“I’m sorry. I really don’t mean to be rude. I’m just tired of being asked that question over and over. Why does everyone think I’m dating my costar?” You laughed and tried not to sound as annoyed as you felt.

“Oh no.” Tom chuckled. “Here we go again.”

“It’s just annoying. I feel like the Zac Efron rumors stopped two days ago and now this?” You sighed and gestured between you and Tom.

“You are Zac did seem pretty close during your press tour.” The journalist said, making jealousy rise up in Tom’s chest. You had assured him multiple times that you and Zac were never anything more than friends, but he had spent too many sleepless nights watching compilations of Zac flirting with you in interviews to not be bothered by that statement.

“Because we’re good friends and we were promoting a movie together.” You shrugged. “That doesn’t mean we were together.”

“So you never dated Zac?” The journal asked you as Tom’s jaw tightened.

“Nope.” You shook your head. “Not even a little.”

“And you’re not dating Tom?” The journalist asked, making you let out another little sigh.

“Nope.” Tom answered for you. “Not even a little.”

“I don’t date co-stars. Ever. It’s my only rule.” You said simply, making Tom’s heart sink a little.

“Why not?” The journalist wondered.

“I just don’t believe in mixing my work and my personal life like that. It gets too messy. I set that boundary when I first started acting and I’ve always stuck to it.”

“So you’d never date a co-star?”

“Never.” You shrugged. Tom looked down at his lap so the cameras wouldn’t catch the disappointment on his face. He knew you felt that way, but it hurt to hear you say it.

“What about you, Tom? Would you?” The journalist asked.

“If I loved her, I would.” Tom said with a sad smile. You looked over at him and felt guilt rise in your chest.

“Well that’s different. I could ignore a crush on a co-star for the sake of keeping things professional. But love is love. You can’t ignore love.” You said as you looked over at Tom.

“Yeah. I agree.” Tom said as he gave you a soft smile. You held eye contact for a minute before looking away.

After a long day of press junkets, you and Tom went back to his hotel room together. You kicked off you high heels and flopped onto Tom’s bed while he changed into his pajamas.

“That interview from today was posted and people are already over analyzing they way we look at each other.” You sighed as Tom sat beside you on the bed.

“I saw that. How many times can people post a picture of us with the caption “get you someone who looks at you the way Tom Holland looks at Y/n L/n” before they get tired of it?”

“Or “the way he looks at her”.” You said added and made heart eyes at Tom.

“I want what they have.” Tom sighed dramatically and put his hand over his heart. You both laughed and laid down beside each other on his bed.

“I just don’t understand the logic. Surely the journalists know that every interviewer before them has asked us if we were dating. Why do they all think they’re gonna be the ones to finally get us to admit it?” You asked as you looked over at him.

“You’re really bothered by this, huh?” Tom asked, hoping his tone didn’t reveal how disappointed he felt.

“I don’t know. It’s just so annoying.” You sighed. “I want people to know me for my work, not for my supposed boyfriend. I’m not Harry Styles ex. I’m not Tom Holland’s “rumored girl”. I’m me. If that’s not interesting enough, then don’t talk to me.”

“Everybody gets asks about their love life. It’s part of the job.”

“I know. But you don’t get asked who you’re dating nearly as much as I do. I feel like no cares about the work I put into my characters. They only care about if I’m dating my costar. Why do I even bother being in this business if I will never be seen for my talent? All I’ll ever be is a love interest. And that’s really frustrating.” You sighed and looked up at the ceiling. Tom stayed silent as he listened to you let your feelings out. He reached over and put his hand on top of yours to let you know he was there for you. You smiled softly and put your free hand over his.

“I’m sorry for ranting. I just never want to be reduced to someone’s girlfriend. That would never happen to you or any other guy. Nobody refers to you as “Y/n’s boyfriend” or “Y/n’s new man”. It’s not fair.”

“Excuse you. I refer to myself as that all the time.” Tom scoffed.

“You know what I mean.” You laughed. “It’s such a double standard. You get to shine on your own but I always have to be tied to some guy to be relevant. They call you Tom, star of the Marvel franchise and call me Y/n, his rumored girlfriend in the same sentence. It’s all such bullshit.”

“It is bullshit.” Tom agreed. “Next time you get asked if you’re dating me, you should just punch the interviewer right in the face.”

“Tom.” You laughed and playfully swatted his arm.

“I’m serious.” He insisted. “That’ll send a message to all other journalists that you’re not to be messed with.”

“Yeah. Maybe I should.” You chuckled and looked up at the ceiling again. Tom looked at you for a minute before propping himself up on his elbow. He cupped your chin and moved your face to look at him.

“Hey.” He said softly. “I see the way you shine. I see your talent. And I see how hard you work. You’ve never been just a love interest to me.”

“Thanks.” You returned the smile. Tom gulped a little and started to lean in as your eyes fluttered shut. Before your lips could touch, someone knocked at the door. You quickly sat up as Tom moved away from you.

“Are you guys ready for dinner?” Jacob called through the door. You and Tom slowly made eye contact and exchanged flustered smiles.

“We should…” You trailed off and nodded towards the door.

“Yeah. Let’s go.” Tom faked a smile and got off the bed. You left the hotel and avoided eye contact all the way to the restaurant. Tom tried to push the almost kiss from his mind as the cast sat down to dinner. He kept trying to make eye contact with you from across the table. You were still rattled from almost breaking your rule that you couldn’t look at Tom. You all went out to a bar afterwards for drinks and once you had some alcohol into you, you were ready to talk to him again.

“Does this eyebrow ever go down?” You asked as you smoothed Tom’s eyebrow down with your thumb.

“Don’t make fun of it.” Tom drunkenly whined. “This is a bully free zone. And you know I can’t fix it.”

“This is not a bully free zone.” You laughed and wrapped an arm around his neck. “And I didn’t say I wanted you to fix it. I love it. It’s my third favorite thing about your face.”

“Third?” Tom chuckled as he wrapped his arms around your waist to hold you closer.

“After your crooked nose and eyes, duh.” You playfully rolled your eyes. Your gaze slowly drifted past Tom and your smile fell.

“Oh shit.”

“What?” Tom wondered and turned his head to look in the direction you were looking in.

“My ex is here.” You whispered harshly and pointed to a man.

“Your ex is….” Tom trailed off when his eyes landed on Harry Styles.

“Wait, your ex boyfriend is Harry Styles?” Tom asked. “Harry fucking Styles?”

“Yeah. You knew that. We’ve talked about this multiple times.”

“I thought you were kidding!” Tom exclaimed. “This whole time, I thought that was a joke.”

“It wasn’t a joke. Who do you think his last album was about?” You snorted and let go of Tom as you started to walk away.

“You’re going over there?” Tom asked as he gently caught your wrist.

“Well I gotta say hi.” You insisted. “We ended things on good terms.”

“Can I come with you?” Tom asked as he nervously looked between you and Harry.

“Why? Jealous?” You teased.

“Extremely. That’s Harry fucking Styles!” Tom exclaimed, making you laugh.

“I know it is. And since I used to be fucking Harry Styles, I gotta go say hi.” You said as you pulled Tom over to Harry. Tom stood back and watched nervously as you squeezed Harry’s arm.

“Hey.” You smiled warmly.

“Oh hello, love. Long time no see.” Harry grinned and pulled you into a hug that lasted way too long for Tom’s liking.

“I know. Your hair was down to your shoulders last time I saw you.” You said as you reached up to touch his hair. Tom was too drunk to handle the situation reasonably and started to sweat.

“Yeah. It was time for a change.” Harry replied as his eyes drifted over to Tom. Tom cleared his throat and put his hand on your back as he held out a hand.

“Hi. I’m Tom.”

“Nice to meet you, mate.” Harry said as he shook Tom’s hand.

“Nice to meet you too. You two have a new movie coming out soon, right?” Harry asked as he took a sip of his drink.

“Yeah. We’re on the press tour now.” Tom said as he put an arm around you.

“I see. Maybe our characters will share a screen one day.” Harry said as he took notice of the way Tom was holding you.

“Oh yeah. I forgot Harry fucking Styles is in the Marvel universe.” Tom said, mostly to himself.

“What was that, mate?” Harry asked.

“Nothing.” Tom said quickly.

“Right. I actually saw you when you first walked in but I didn’t want to interrupt anything. Are you two here on a date?” Harry asked in a casual tone. Both of your faces fell as you thought back to the near kiss in the hotel earlier.

“Don’t answer that.” Harry chuckled. “Your faces told me plenty.”

“Well we should probably get back to our table. It was good to see you.” You said as you squeezed Harry’s hand.

“It was good to see you too, love. Take care.” Harry said and leaned in to kiss your cheek. Tom watched with a clenched jaw but kept his mouth shut.

“Bye Tom.” Harry winked.

“Bye Harry fucking Styles.” Tom mumbled.

“Sorry, I didn’t catch that.” Harry said and leaned in to hear Tom better.

“I just said bye.” Tom faked a smile before leading you away.

Once you left the bar, Tom went back with you to your hotel room to make sure you got in okay. He sat on your bed while you took your makeup off in the bathroom. You came out a few minutes later with a clean face and dressed in the hotel bath robe. Tom felt his heart speed up at the sight of you and gulped.

“Can I ask you something?” He said before he lost his nerve.

“Yeah. Anything.” You said as you set out your outfit for the next day.

“How did you two end up together?” Tom asked. “You and Harry?”

“I don’t know.” You shrugged. “We were young and kept running into each other at different red carpets and events. He asked me out at one of them and I said yes.”

“Wow.” Tom chuckled dryly. “Was that before or after you made your no dating co-stars rule?”

“After.”

“Hm.” Tom said shortly as he chewed on the inside of his cheeks.

“What?” You wondered. “What are you not saying?”

“Nothing. I just think your rule is dumb.” Tom said without looking at you. You stopped touching your clothes and kept your back to Tom.

“It’s not dumb.” You said quietly. “I have the rule for a reason. Relationships are tricky and they’re even harder in the public eye. Somebody always gets hurts. And I’d rather avoid the awkwardness of having to play lovers onscreen with someone I used to date.”

“Is that why you didn’t date Zac?”

“I didn’t date Zac before I didn’t want to date Zac.” You chuckled softly. Tom gulped a little before getting to what he really wanted to ask you.

“Is that why you won’t date me?” He asked quietly. You slowly turned around but kept your eyes on the ground.

“We shouldn’t have this conversation.”

“I need to have this conversation.” Tom said as he got off your bed. He walked over to you and cupped your face so that you would look at him. He opened his mouth to speak and you quickly put your fingertips over his lips.

“Please don’t say it.” You whispered. “Don’t say what you want to say. It’s just gonna complicate things.”

“I want to complicate things. I want you.”

“It’s just gonna mess things up. Wouldn’t you rather be friends forever than boyfriend and girlfriend for a little while?”

“Who says we’ll only last a little while?” Tom asked as he played with the belt of your robe.

“Nothing lasts forever, Tom. You know that. We work really well as friends. I don’t want to mess that up.”

“You don’t want to even try?” Tom asked sadly.

“Of course I want to try. I just don’t want to fail.” You said as you looked into his eyes.

“Maybe we won’t fail.” He smiled weakly. You let out a sigh and took his hand in yours.

“I just don’t want to end up hating each other.” You said as you looked at your intertwined hands.

“I could never hate you.” Tom insisted. You looked up at him and gave him a sad smile.

“I could never hate you either.”

“So love me instead.” He said as he took a step closer to you. Your nose scrunched up and you let out a short laugh.

“That was pretty cliche.” You told him.

“But it’s working, isn’t it?” Tom asked as he leaned in, his lips brushing against yours with every word.

“Maybe.” You gulped as you eyes stayed on his lips. Before your lips could touch, you pulled your head back and covered your lips with your hands.

“Nope. I’m not gonna kiss you. I would never kiss you.”

“You wouldn’t?” Tom asked coyly.

“Nope. I don’t even want to.”

“You don’t?” Tom asked as he leaned in even closer.

“No.” You lied. “Because I don’t feel anything for you. I can’t. I don’t date my costars. It’s my one rule.”

“Can’t you break it? Just this once?” Tom dropped his playful tone and genuinely pleaded with you. You almost gave in, but you just couldn’t do it.

“I can’t. I’m sorry. I just can’t.” You said apologetically. Tom withdrew from you as his eyes fell to the floor.

“I’ll see you tomorrow then, darling.” He said as he gave you a sad smile.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” You said quietly, beginning to rethink your decision. Tom left without another word and went back to his hotel room. He immediately got out his laptop and googled Harry’s name.

“What makes you so special?” Tom mumbled as he scrolled through some articles on Harry. He came upon a headline that made his heart stop.

“Ed Sheeran reveals Harry Styles has a huge penis.” Tom read off his screen. He slammed his laptop shut and let out an angry sigh.

“Harry fucking Styles.” He muttered.

The next day, you and Tom sat beside each other at a press junket. There was an icy tension that neither of you addressed out loud. You both silently agreed not to talk about the day before for the sake of the press tour.

“I’m sitting here with Tom Holland and Y/n L/n, stars of the latest installment in the Marvel franchise. I have to ask you, is it weird to play a couple on screen when you’re such good friends?” The journalist. You and Tom blinked a few times in surprise, neither of you wanting to be the first to answer that question. You exchanged a quick look before turning back to the journalist.

“I think it was a little awkward first but it comes pretty naturally to us now.” You answered and hoped that would be sufficient.

“And that never carried over to real life? You know, since it comes so naturally to you?”

You gulped at the question and tried to keep a neutral face when you felt like screaming on the inside. It was the worst possible question at the worst possible timing.

“I think it comes more naturally to some of us than others.” Tom cut it, making you side eye him.

“Well I think just because something comes naturally to you that doesn’t necessarily mean you have to act on it.” You shrugged. “I’m weirdly good at baseball. Doesn’t mean I have any interest in joining the MLB.”

“Maybe not.” Tom agreed. “But then again, if something comes naturally to you and you want to act on it, why stop yourself?”

“Because some of us have rules against acting on it.” You said through a clenched smile.

“Well some of us think that rule is stupid.” Tom shrugged, making you glare at him. He stared back briefly before returning his attention to the journalist.

“So what can we expect next from your characters?” She asked, hoping to get rid of some of the awkward tension that had erupted.

“I’d like to see my character happy.” Tom replied. “And surrounded by people who make him happy.”

“Me too.” You agreed.

“Then maybe your character should stop pushing the people who are any to make her happy away.” Tom said as he smiled sweetly at you.

“My character doesn’t push them away.” You returned the smile. “She just knows how to set boundaries where she needs them.”

“Does your character set boundaries or does she put up walls out of fear and call them by a different name?” Tom asked as he tapped his chin.

“My character isn’t scared. She just doesn’t want to ruin something that’s important to her with your character.” You replied, never dropping your forced smile.

“Well my character doesn’t think anything would be ruined. He thinks that crossing that boundary would only improve the relationship between us - I mean, our characters.”

“Well my character doesn’t want to take that chance.”

“So have you guys done any sight seeing while you’re in town?” The journalist asked with a nervous laugh. You and Tom exchanged an angry look and silently agreed to drop the argument until later.

After a long day of press, you finally were able to go back to your hotel. The elevator ride to your room was silent but as soon as the door was closed behind you, Tom spoke up.

“We need to talk.“

“Please. I don’t want to talk about this anymore. It’s already gotten so out of hand. I told you how I feel and it’s not going to change. Can we please just drop it?” You asked as you sat down on your bed.

“I can’t drop it. Why are you fighting this?”

“Why do you care so much? Why can’t you just let me go?”

“Because I won’t accept us not being together. If you didn’t feel the same, then things would be different. But I know you feel what I feel and I think it’s ridiculous that we don’t do something about it.” Tom said as he stood in front of you. You looked up at him and could see how miserable this was making him.

“I have a rule.” You said quietly.

“It’s a stupid rule!” He exclaimed.

“I know it’s a stupid rule!” You shouted as you stood up.

“So why do you follow it? Why do you torture yourself?”

“Because I’d never forgive myself for fucking up our friendship when things go wrong. Which they will. They always do.” You stated, making you both fall silent. The only sound in the room was your heavy breathing as a hot tear sipped down your face.

“I’d never forgive myself if I broke your heart.” You said quietly as you sat back down on the bed in defeat. Tom stayed silent as he wiped his face with his sleeves.

“Can we please just forget this whole thing and go back to being friends?” You pleaded as you looked up at him. “Can’t we just go back to the way things were?”

“I can’t go back.” Tom said lowly. “I can’t be your friend. You said it yourself. You can’t ignore love.”

“You don’t love me.” You laughed dryly and shook your head.

“Don’t I?” He asked, slight anger in his voice.

“You may think you do but you’re wrong. You’re just excited by the fantasy of it all. Our relationship is forbidden for reasons out of your control so you push harder for us to happen. But trust me. If you actually had me, you wouldn’t want me. The excitement would melt away in an instant.”

“Darling, I think you’re an incredibly intelligent girl but you could not be more wrong. I do love you. I love you exactly as you are. I don’t understand why you can’t get out of your own way and let me.”

You opened your mouth to say something but no words came out. You slowly shut it and gave Tom an defeated shrug. He nodded his head and looked at the ground, seeming like the had finally accepted your answer.

“I should go. I won’t fight you any more on this. I can’t make you love me if you don’t want to.” He said without meeting your eyes.

“It’s not that I don’t want to-“

“I know. You just won’t.” He looked at you with a sad smile.

“Tom.” You got off the bed and grabbed his arm before he could leave. He stopped going for the door and looked at you with sad eyes before kissing your cheek.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, darling. Good night.” He gave you one last smile before leaving you alone in your room. You looked up at the ceiling as tears slid down face. You looked over at the wall with watery eyes, knowing Tom was in the next room feeling just as bad as you were. You didn’t know if your relationship could recover from this and that made you feel even worse.

The next day, you didn’t have any press to do before the premier. You spent the day getting your hair and makeup done, a process you normally loved but couldn’t enjoy because of the heavy weight on your chest. You hoped to see Tom before leaving for the premier but he was doing an expert job of avoiding you.

“Do you know if Tom left yet?” You asked as you got into your limo.

“He did. He’s at the premier already.” Your manager told you. You let out a little sigh and looked out the window as you pulled away from your hotel.

At the premier, Tom’s head was on swivel as he impatiently waited for you to arrive. He wanted to talk to you before he left but his team had kept him busy with preparations for the red carpet. In the middle of giving an interview, Tom heard the crowd suddenly grow louder.

“I’m so sorry to cut you off. I think that’s the sound of Y/n arriving.” Tom said as he looked behind him to try and spot you.

“I think so too. Let’s see if we can get a look at her.” The journalist said as looked in your direction. Tom saw you getting out of your limo and you made eye contact with each other. You smiled softly and gave him a wave, which he returned. You were led inside by your team and the moment was gone.

“She went inside. Hopefully we’ll catch her later.” The journalist said.

“Yeah.” Tom sighed. “Hopefully.”

After giving a few interviews, you stood on the red carpet with the rest of the cast as a million cameras flashed. Tom was in the middle of the cast and you were at the end, a safe distance between the two of you. You thought it would stay that way until you heard,

“Let’s get some of just Tom and Y/n!”

You gulped as the rest of the cast dispersed, leaving you and Tom alone. He gave you a soft smile as he slipped an arm around your waist.

“Hi.” He said as the cameras flashed.

“Hi.” You said back.

“You look beautiful.” He told you, letting his eyes linger on you for a long time.

“Thank you.” You smiled shyly. “So do you.”

The cameras continued to flash and you found it harder and harder to keep your smile when you felt so sad inside.

“Tom, I feel really bad about the way we left things last night.” You said quietly so only he could hear.

“We can talk about it later, okay? Let’s just enjoy the night.” He smiled softly at you and gave your hip a squeeze. He turned back to look at the cameras and you realized how many people were calling your name. You faced the cameras as well and smiled for the cameras, hoping it was enough to mask the sadness you felt inside. You found it hard to be at a party when you felt like an open wound.

“Beautiful couple! You look great together.” One of the photographers shouted, inadvertently rubbing salt into the wound. When it was time to move down the carpet, Tom let go of you.

“I’ll see you after, okay?” He told you before walking away. You threw on a fake smile and posed for more pictures, looking over at him every chance you got. Once you got back inside the building, you saw Tom leaning against a wall by a coat closet. You knew it was a rare moment when you’d be alone, so you quickly went up to him.

“Hey.” You smiled weakly. “What are you doing over here?”

“Waiting for you, actually.” He replied, making the weight on your chest lift just a little. Before you could respond, the director of the movie came up to the two of you.

“Congratulations you two. Here’s to the last night of the press tour.” He said as he smiled at the both of you. When he walked away, something dawned on you.

“Its the last night of the press tour.” You said, mostly to yourself.

“Yeah. We’re all done after this. You won’t have to get asked about your love life anymore.” Tom said with a tight smile. You figured he wasn’t completely over the fight but you were surprised he wasn’t getting what you were saying.

“It’s the last night of the press tour.” You repeated.

“Yeah, darling. I know.” He said as he gave you a strange look. You groaned a little before grabbing Tom by the shoulders.

“Tom. It’s the last night of the press tour.”

“So?” He wondered.

“So we’re not co-stars anymore.” You said with a coy smile. You watched Tom’s face go from confused to realizing what you were trying to say.

“Does your rule say anything about dating former co-stars?” He asked as a smile tugged at his lips.

“It does not.” You said with an even bigger smile than his. You looked around before pushing him into the coat closet behind you. As soon as the door was shut, Tom was kissing you. He pressed you against the closet door and cupped your face as he kissed you like his life depended on it. You’d kissed him a million times for the movies, but it was never like this. When you pulled away, Tom smiled like a child as he rested his forehead against yours.

“I don’t want to go back out there. I just want to stay in here with you.” He said with a happy sigh.

“I know. But we gotta get out of here before someone notices we’re both missing.”

“You’re right. But this isn’t over.” Tom playfully warned you before kissing you again.

“Okay. You first. I’ll leave in a few seconds.” You told him. Tom nodded before leaving the closet. You counted to ten in your head before leaving the closet as well. As soon as you left, you saw Tom talking to the director with a scared look on his face. You went up to the two of them and put your hand on Tom’s back.

“Hey, Tom. I feel like I haven’t seen you all night.” You lied. “What are you guys talking about?”

“He was just telling me the good news.” Tom said with a smile that you could tell was forced.

“Good news?” You asked the director.

“Yep. We’re officially got the green light for the next movie. You two are gonna be filming together again in just a few months!” The director told you, and you immediately understood why Tom was upset.

“That’s great!” You threw on your own fake smile until the director walked away. Once you were alone again, you grabbed Tom’s arm and yanked him back into the closet.

“So we’re gonna be co-stars again.” Tom said as he nervously looked at the ground.

“Yeah. We are.” You said as you tried to meet his eyes.

“What, um, what about your rule?” Tom asked hesitatingly as he looked you in the eyes. You could see the fear in his eyes and cupped his face in your hands.

“Hey. Fuck the rules.”

“Really?” He asked hopefully.

“Yeah. You can’t ignore love.”

“No. You can’t. Does that mean you love me?” Tom asked as a smile tugged at his lips.

“You’re alright.” You shrugged, making his smile grow.

“If that’s your way of saying yes, then I love you too, darling.” He told you. “I always have. No matter what the rules say.”

#tom holland x reader #tom holland x actress!reader #tom holland x famous!reader #tom holland x you #tom holland fluff #tom holland fanfiction #peter parker fanfiction #tom holland fanfic #tom holland angst

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sashabrawesome89 · 2 years ago

Text

Loving Can Hurt, Sometimes (Armin x Annie)

The little blonde girl in the picture sat on her father’s lap. Neither of them smiled. Her eyes were sullen. His lips were in a thin, grim line. They did not look like each other. They did not look like family.

Armin frowned too, and returned the photograph into the small chest which he found among his late father-in-law’s belongings. It was the only photograph he’d seen of a young Annie with her adopted father. Annie had often said that she’d forgiven him. But at night, especially after his death, Armin would sometimes hear her cry herself to sleep.

Pain, Armin learned, came in waves. Sometimes, the waves were calm and you could ride over them seamlessly. But Annie’s trauma was like a storm that arrived out of the blue, knocking her boat over when she was already at her most vulnerable.

“You found it.”

Armin gasped and turned around. Annie slowly sat beside him, placing her hand on his shoulder. She was seven months pregnant. Her hair, which she used to keep in a knot, now fell bare over her shoulders, and her eyes were softer than ever. She took Armin’s hand and pressed it gently on her swollen belly. Armin felt the baby kick, and a rush of warmth filled his heart.

“It’s a girl,” the doctor had said during their last check-up. Armin and Annie had agreed to name her Mina Zoe, and hoped that she would get along with Mikasa and Jean’s one-year-old daughter, Sasha.

“Armin,” she was saying now. “I’m scared.”

“Of what?” Armin whispered.

Annie looked like she was about to cry, but then she closed her eyes. She opened them, and there was a calm chill to her expression that made Armin shudder. She must’ve spent her whole childhood like this, stifling her tears.

“I don’t know how to be a mother.”

“Oh, Annie. I lost my parents too.”

“Not the way I did.”

That was true. And he also had a grandfather who loved him. While he read books and dreamt of seas and ran around with Mikasa and Eren, Annie was overworked and overtrained. Love was a language that she still struggled to read.

“You’ll be a great mom,” Armin reassured. “You’ll be giving little Mina Zoe everything you never had. That way, your inner child would heal too.”

Annie was thinking. “I hope so.” She sighed. “I still love my father, you know.”

“I know.”

“And sometimes, loving can hurt.” She reached for the chest, took out the photograph, and stared at it. Armin stared at her. There was very little difference between the girl in the picture and the woman now seated beside him.

“But you’re different,” she said. “You always have been. Even when I was at my worst…you saw something good.” She looked at him. “Up to now, it’s hard for me to believe in the good intentions of people. But it’s something I keep on learning from you.”

Armin put his arm around her and kissed her. “Never mind, Annie,” he promised. “When our daughter comes, let’s take pictures of everything. And when she grows up, we’ll show her a compilation of them. She’ll be grateful for her childhood, for all the great memories we’ll have together. We can’t rewrite the past, love. You can’t undo the trauma and we can’t find our parents. But we can find good parents in ourselves, as long as we keep on moving forward.”

Annie was quiet for awhile. Tears were streaming down her face. But then she chuckled and wiped them. Armin thought about how far they’d come. How much she’d thawed. How different they were from all those years ago, yet some things would never change, thankfully enough. Annie was smiling at Armin at last, and she returned his kiss.

#attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #aruani #armin x annie #annie leonhart #armin arlert #annie x armin #fanfic

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raayllum · 2 years ago

Note

So we've seen Rayla in S4 now, and she looks great! However, making her hairstyle look almost exactly like Sarai's seems VERY deliberate, do you think it will have some kind of purpose? Like symbolism? Cause I can already imagine scenes with Callum or even VIREN noticing the resemblance.

Honestly my reaction to seeing Rayla’s hairstyle in the trailer and just how similar it is to Sarai’s was

with a few more tears. I’ve written about Rayllum and Harrai’s parallels before (like ages ago because this meta was written a few months after S2 came out and months before S3 was released) and I’ve kinda been wanting to do a little update (and I feel like I’ll do another post-S4 since Harrai-Rayllum parallels truly are my favourite in the “Rayllum paralleling all the married couples” trend TDP delivers to us). I don’t think there will be anything overt pointed out appearance wise, but I do think the narrative is heading towards ramping those parallels up in interesting ways

Which is all a fancy way of saying that both Rayla and Callum have had strong parallels to Harrow and Sarai; for Callum, it’s Harrow’s search for fairness and for Rayla his belief in paying the price. For Callum, it’s his mother’s compassion and questioning what a monster is, and for Rayla, the willingness to stand with him even when she disagrees. There are more similarities (and differences) of course, but these are some of the main ones to me

Screencap compilation post relating to the similarities with updated S4 info / screencaps here, but I find it particularly interesting in regards to the pictures Callum has hung up in his study too

At first glance, the picture of Sarai from 1x07 and Rayla from 2x07 doesn’t seem that odd; of course he’d want to hold people he’s lost close to him. But uh: where’s Harrow, if that’s the case? Why just these two in particular, both drawings Callum did while reflecting on loss and fear?

C: When you were down there under the ice, I was so scared. I thought I was going to lose you the way we lost her. But somehow you made it, and I can’t help but feel that maybe she was watching over us.

He still couldn’t believe she had left. His palms were sweating and his chest felt tight. What if she didn’t come back? Could he and Ezran and Bait really manage to get Zym to Xadia? […] “Maybe there is something I can do,” Callum said. “Ezran, you stay here. Protect Bait and Zym. Don’t worry. I’ll be back soon—with Rayla.” (Book Two: Sky novelization)

One of the core things about Rayla and Callum is that they do their best to break the cycle of their parents’ heartbreak, but with varying degrees of success. But just as Rayla is repeating some of Runaan and Ethari’s more damaging cycles by leaving in TTM, I wouldn’t be surprised if Callum repeats some of Harrow’s regarding Sarai in S4. This is for a few different reasons.

1) Viren and Avizandum being paralleled in the S4 intro. While there’s one half of the symbolism of Viren fearing losing his child (Claudia) due to the folly of his own actions, that’s only one half of the symbolism available here. The other half of the symbolism is why Avizandum died in the first place: for revenge. We know that Harrow and Callum both hate Avizandum for Sarai’s death and that previously, Callum thought Viren was dead. However, if he hates the dragon king for “taking” his mother from him and now taking Rayla away from him twice (once due to her own paranoia, now being taken captive or perceived to be dead), that would absolutely be enough to send him off the edge and to possibly want revenge / do something shady, as we’ve already seen from parallels with 2x07-3x06.

While it doesn’t show up subtitle wise in the show, you can faintly hear Sarai yelling “No!” as her spear is thrown into Avizandum’s chest in 3x06, which is a lovely little parallel to Ezran’s

Only for the irony to be perhaps be that it isn’t Viren’s fault this time, but Aaravos / Claudia’s, not that that would matter to Callum by that point (or for the narrative symmetry of his goal, anyway)

2) Why Sarai died and how S4 could implement it. Sarai died for two main reasons: a decision Harrow made that she disapproved of but went along with in search of a powerful magic object, and because of her commitment to Viren (in saving his life). We have already seen some of this play out in contrast with Rayla. Rayla almost died getting a magical object for Callum against her better judgement in 1x04 (the Key). Rayla has likewise put herself in major danger due to her commitment to Viren, although instead of saving his life, she was/is determined to kill him once and for all

3) Mistakes, regret, and reconciliation. This is where the “went along with it anyway” could come from, perhaps. I’ve long posited that my “Callum exchanges the cube for Rayla’s life” theory has merit because of how well it would structurally parallel 1x04. We know that Rayla can’t be wholly right / rewarded for her behaviour even though she was right, in a way, that Viren was alive, so she has to have something go hella wrong (which would likely be Callum putting himself in danger on her behalf). However, if we layer the Harrai parallels on top of it, we get an even more complex narrative parallel.

Just as Rayla was put in danger inadvertently for something she reluctantly agreed to in 1x04, and as the same happened and killed Sarai in the magma titan mission in 2x06, we could see that structure rear its head again in S4, with Rayla, guilty and trying to make up for it, being unwilling to let Callum take a risk on his own even if she disapproves (perhaps pursuing magic or answers about the cube beyond what’s wise). This could lead to her being in danger / taken, leading Callum to not only regret some of the anger he’s held towards her but that his own pursuits put her in danger, again, and swearing to do whatever it takes to get her back / avenge her in his own way

After all...

Tell me she wasn’t your world.

(Misc thoughts: and if the fandom is right in speculating that 4x03 “Breathtaking” ends with Rayla showing up in Katolis as a cliffhanger, not only does that link back to 2x09 “Breathe” in which Rayla and Sarai are most overtly paralleled to one another, Sarai also had her last breath literally taken, and the whole thing would just be chef’s kiss, especially when Rayla and Sarai are arguably the two people we’ve seen disapprove of but ultimately forgive dark magic for the most)

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blu-joons · 4 years ago

Text

When You Blush During Baepsae ~ BTS Reaction

Jin:

He couldn’t hide his giggle as he watched the video a fan sent him online. “I never realised that Baepsae made you feel such a way,” he laughed, turning his phone away so that you couldn’t see.

“Show me,” you whined, fighting against him until you managed to see the phone to see a video of you blushing from the concert you attended a couple of nights ago. “I wasn’t blushing because of you, don’t worry.”

Jin’s head shook, “that’s funny because I was doing it right in front of your face. Just admit that you liked it when I danced in front of you.”

“I reckon it was just the cold weather making me blush,” you continued to protest, but Jin’s head could only shake at your terrible acting.

He nudged your side gently, “if you like it that much, you should have just said. Maybe I could do it around the house a bit more if it gets you all hot and bothered like that, you only have to say.”

“I can’t believe someone even managed to film me,” you sighed.

“I’m never deleting this video now.”

Yoongi:

His arms wrapped around you as soon as he met you backstage at the end of the show. “I saw you by the way,” he whispered into your ear, pressing a kiss against the bottom of your ear.

“What do you mean?” You quizzed, spinning around to see him mimic the dance of Baepsae with his arms still around you. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, the routine isn’t even that good anyway to smile at.”

Yoongi’s eyes raised questionably, “you looked like a tomato, there’s no way I’m going to let you get away with trying to change the subject now.”

“Alright, maybe it did make me a little bit happy,” you frowned, “but that’s a side of you that I never get to see except for on the stage.”

Yoongi smiled as he finally got you to admit to your blush. “All you had to do was say and I could have done it around the house as often as you wanted, would you say it’s your favourite move of the tour?”

“It might be one of my favourites,” you blushed, looking away from him.

“It’s definitely your favourite, I can tell.”

Hoseok:

His eyes widened as he walked into the living to see you watching an old video of the boys performing. “Like what you see?” He questioned, coming up behind you and making you jump at his voice.

“Shut up,” you muttered, quickly shutting your phone off, hoping that he hadn’t see what you were watching. “I was just trying to find a few videos of the tour, so I knew what I had to look forward to tomorrow night.”

Hobi sighed as he sat beside you, “don’t worry Baepsae is one of the songs we’re performing to, so all your dreams will come true.”

“I wasn’t just watching Baepsae,” you protested, “it just seemed that that routine came up quite a lot in the video that I was watching.”

Hobi’s arm wrapped around you, pulling you into his side. “It’s alright to admit that watching me dance Baepsae turns you on, you’re only human, and my hip thrusts are pretty powerful after all.”

“I hate the effect that you have on me sometimes,” you groaned against him.

“I love seeing you blush though.”

Namjoon:

As the two of you reunited at the end of the show, you still couldn’t quite believe the side of Namjoon that you’d seen on stage. “How come you’ve never shown me Baepsae before when you’ve danced?”

“You liked it then?” He chuckled, thrusting against your side as he wrapped his arms around you tightly. “I never thought that Baepsae would be your thing, I thought you’d enjoy watching Idol or something like that.”

Your head shook immediately, “Idol is so vanilla, but Baepsae is just a whole different side to you that I’ve never seen before, you were insane.”

“I didn’t think you’d like it,” he smiled, noticing the red glow against your cheeks, “but as I’m looking at you now, I think that was a mistake.”

Your head nodded back at him straight away, “I can’t believe you didn’t think a dance where you thrust so powerfully wouldn’t be my favourite routine to watch you practice, you must be crazy Namjoon.”

“I didn’t think you’d like it that much,” he joked, poking your blushed cheeks.

“How can I not like it, really?”

Jimin:

You could feel his eyes staring across at you as he watched a video on his phone, shaking his head in disbelief. “What did you think of Baepsae last night?” He asked, taking you slightly by surprise.

“It was as good as the whole concert,” you smiled in response, but as he turned his phone around to show you what he was watching, you knew you’d been caught out. “Alright, maybe I liked it a little more than the rest.”

He could only smile with pride at the reaction you had, “you were going crazy in the crowd and I didn’t even notice you.”

“It’s a good job you didn’t too,” you groaned, covering your face with your hands, “I can’t believe one of the fans actually recorded me.”

Jimin placed his phone back down, making sure to save the video. “You might be embarrassed, but it makes me feel pretty good knowing you liked what you saw, it’s you that I want to impress the most.”

“Can’t we just change the subject now please?” You cried out.

“That’s not happening for a while.”

Taehyung:

It had been the question on his lips since you got back from the concert, which he’d been desperate to ask you. “So, which song was your favourite?” He asked as you walked out of the bathroom.

“How can you ask such a difficult question?” You asked as you took a seat on the bed beside him. “I think all of the routines were my favourite, why, which one do you think was my favourite of the night?”

Taehyung smirked, “well, I noticed a pretty bright blush on your face when we did Baepsae, so I think you enjoyed that one a lot.”

“You don’t care which routine was my favourite at all, you just wanted an excuse to mock me,” you sighed, quickly realising what he was doing.

Taehyung’s arm wrapped around you, “I just wanted to hear you tell me all about how much you loved Baepsae. All the fans blush, it’s not like you were the only one in the crowd with red cheeks.”

“It’s embarrassing for me to blush at you after all this time,” you whispered.

“It’s not, I think it’s adorable.”

Jungkook:

You quickly threw your phone aside as you heard Jungkook walk into the apartment, noticing the look on his face. “What are you up to that made you jump like that? Let me have a look at your phone.”

“It’s nothing,” you sighed, quickly trying to grab your phone, but Jungkook had already beaten you to it, pressing play on the video that you watched. “I was just watching it as it came up in my recommend, that’s all.”

Jungkook could only smile, “you’re watching a compilation of me doing Baepsae? How long have you been watching this for then?”

“Only once,” you lied, covering your face with a pillow. “Don’t start teasing me or anything, this is embarrassing enough as it is.”

He threw himself down beside you, pulling the cushion back from you. “I wasn’t going to tease you; you’ve got good taste. I just never realised you liked watching Baepsae this much than the others.”

“Do you realise how incredible you look in Baepsae?” You quizzed him.

“No, why don’t you tell me?”

---

Masterlist

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vibraniumwing · 4 years ago

Text

my stars know about you.

a sam wilson x fem!reader blurb wherein sam finds the old videos the reader has when he was snapped away.

WARNING: a bit of angst and tfatws spoilers for those who haven't watched but aside from that, nothing else.

A/N: ha yes hello i impulsively wrote this bcs my muse was so high all of a sudden and i have this monologue ready for it. listened to this playlist right here and wendy ft. john legend’s written in the stars <3 also, is this still a blurb ??

---

Sam had promised you he would clean around the house while you go on a fun little weekend with Sarah and the boys, wanting to give you more time to relax and be around his family; his lips churning up into a small yet giddy smile at the thought of the small velvet box hiding somewhere in your shared room that contained the necklace you’ve been eyeing whenever the two of you could go out.

He was half-way done with the things hidden in your work drawer when he came across a flash drive that had a label written on it called visual diary. His brows furrowed lightly as walked to his side of the office, opening his laptop and plugged it in, opening the files to see multiple videos titled with dates, the first one from all the way back in 2018.

Sam shifted in his seat, clicking on that certain video only to be greeted by your tear-stained face and bloodshot eyes, under eyes dark from the possible lack of sleep. His heart dropped at the distraught look on your face as you took a deep breath in before looking into the camera.

“hey sam, it’s me. it’s一 it’s been exactly five days since Nat called me about how you were one of the people who, unfortunately, got snapped into non-existence.”

The way you spoke caused goosebumps to form along his skin, realizing that these were probably videos you'd made five years ago, when the snap happened. Sam’s heart was shattered at how lost you looked from the other side of the screen, wanting nothing more than to cradle you in his arms.

“I’m with Sarah right now, she’s sleeping in her room with Aj and Cass. She’s been strong, but you can see the worry in her eyes一 she’s holding up much better than I am though. I’ve been such a mess, I can’t look into the mirror without seeing… feeling you beside me. I miss you.”

Sam stopped the video, his own tears starting to choke him upon seeing the state that you and his younger sister have been. He knew that it was hard, after seeing Sarah struggle with the family business and keeping things together; seeing you wake up at night with cold sweat glistening on your skin as you jolted up from yet another nightmare of him not coming back.

He wanted to stop from diving deep into the videos but his curiosity was stronger. He scrolled through some more videos, randomly clicking on one.

This time, Sam was greeted with a somewhat cheery you, out on the hill you first confessed your attraction to him一 the same night he admitted that he loves you more than a friend, where everything started between the both of you.

“hey there, handsome. i surely hope you can recognize where i’m at right now, if not, then i guess i’m kicking your ass.”

He chuckled, finding your humor amusing despite how lackluster your tone was as you spoke into the camera. Sam reached up to trace your features that were present on his screen, remembering every single feature of yours, engraving it into the forefront of his mind.

“today’s the day we’re supposed to celebrate our first anniversary, sammy. we should’ve been in hawaii by now, swimming with the fishes or explore the beauty of that island. instead, i’m here, in my car alone on the hill where we first admitted our feelings for each other.”

Sam didn’t fail to notice how you were trying your best to hold back your tears, taking note of how your tongue poked the inside of your cheek一 a habit he noticed you would do whenever fighting strong emotions一 and he whispered a small, “Don’t hold your tears back, sweetheart.” and as if you heard him, you let out a small chuckle.

“if you were here right now, i know you would say something like, “don’t bottle those tears up, beautiful” or something along those lines. i want you to know that i’m trying, sam. but it’s hard, it’s been five long months since you’ve been gone and i don’t know how long i can last without hearing you say you love me or your obnoxious laughter that would resonate through the house.”

“I love you, baby.” was all that left Sam’s lips, tongue jutting out to dampen his lips as he listened to you speak, mind blank as too many thoughts about what he wants to say to you as of the moment are too much.

“i’ve told the stars about your laughter. it’s niche and cliche, i know, but mom told me to tell them all about the people i treasure the most whenever i can’t tell others about them.”

“i told them about how beautiful you are一 about how scintillating your eyes are that they could battle even the brightest star in the sky tonight. i let my stars know about how amazing of a chef you are even though you almost burnt my old apartment’s kitchen down because you forgot about the cake you tried so hard to bake.”

Sam cringed at the memory, nose scrunching up in disbelief that he could forget such a simple task; he spent the night apologizing and all you ever did was smile and lean in to give him a kiss in hopes to shut him up.

“i told my stars about how brilliant you are一 how your words are so deep even with the shortest sentences, about how you can easily captivate me and a bunch of others with the stories that you speak… about how much love you have for me and for everyone you care for. it never ceases to amaze me how you can stand up and fight for the people that you love.”

At this point, Sam was already in tears as you shared about how you spoke about him. He adored how your eyes were filled with that well-known fondness you have whenever you speak about something you love.

As the video ended, Sam was left to look at the reflection of himself on the screen, staring at his reflection as your words echoed in his mind. He always listened to you ramble on about how everyone’s destiny was written somewhere in the skies, their lives aligned like the constellations that shined bright in the nighttime.

Normally, he would brush it off, skeptic to that belief but as he tuned into your stories, he can’t help but believe that in what you were saying. Sam was about to play another video when he heard the familiar jangle of your keys in the front door.

Sam pulled out of his chair and raced over there to meet you, immediately engulfing you in a tight hug before you could even close the door. “Hello, beautiful.” he softly greeted, pulling away to place a light kiss on your temple. “How was your weekend away with Sarah and the boys?”

You chuckled softly at the sudden affection he was giving, dropping your duffel bag on the floor to wrap your arms around his torso, feeling how relaxed he was against you. “It was great! Could’ve been better if you were there to be with us.” you answered, reaching up to peck his lips a few times, making the latter smile. “What’s with the affection? Did you break something, Samuel? Wait一 were you crying?”

He shook his head, adamant in admitting that he was, he lifted you up easily as he took you over to your shared office, sitting back down on his office chair with you in his lap as he showed you the compilation of the videos, “I… I found the flash drive while cleaning and I got a little too curious and decided to see what was on it and well, turns out I got a bit more than what I expected.”

“I was going to show them to you one day, Sam.” you admitted, making yourself comfortable as you snuggled up to him, his arms laced around you securely. “But I wanted to make it a bit more… special since this was a very vulnerable time for me.” the softness in your voice made him curl a single digit under your chin to make you look at him.

“I’m sorry that I left you alone for that long, baby girl.” Sam apologized, feeling incredibly guilty for leaving. Despite knowing it wasn’t his fault, he couldn’t bring himself to accept that you and his sister had to spend so many years without him. “I know you’ve told me multiple times that I shouldn’t say sorry, but I can’t help it. You’ve waited for so long.”

“And I’ll wait a million more if it meant I could be with you.” you cut him off, shifting slightly to make you face him completely. “You can go anywhere, anytime, for how long and I would wait for you to come back every single time. So please don’t feel guilty about it, love.” your hands holding the sides of his face as you start to pepper it with gentle kisses.

You smile at his peaceful expression, “My heart is in peace knowing that we’re written somewhere in the stars.” you say to him softly, squishing his cheeks in a playful manner, light laughter filling up the room.

Sam smiled, sealing the feather-like kisses with his lips on yours, capturing it for an intimate one that conveyed how much love he has for you, resting his forehead on yours right after. “You know that I love you, right Y/N?”

“I do and I love you so much more, Sam.”

---

TAGLIST: @https-bvcky @harrysweasleys @selenasprompts @weasleytwins-41 @anchoeritic @marvel-diaries @demirunner @barneswidow @lovecroftreads @punkrific @6r4cie @yougottalovefandoms @swiftssss

to those whose urls are in bold, i can't tag you for some reason. join my taglist! it's in my main main masterlist <3

#sam wilson #sam wilson x reader #sam wilson x y/n #sam wilson x you #sam wilson imagine #sam wilson imagines #sam wilson fic #sam wilson fics #sam wilson drabble #sam wilson drabbles #sam wilson fluff #mcu #marvel x reader

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